#putting that many jumps that late in the program too

[amakumos]

kiss and cry — yang jungwon.

synopsis. At the age of 22, Yang Jungwon wants to retire. The ice, which was what he considered his second home, does not seem as welcoming as it used to be. Figure skating is no longer fun - the sport that he devoted his entire childhood to seems more of a chore, rather than a passion. He claims that this season will be his last as a competitive figure skater - that is, until he meets you, who somehow makes him fall in love with the ice (and you) again.

genre. fluff, slight angst, friends to lovers, slowburn (?), figure skating au

pairing. figure skater! jungwon x figure skater fem! reader

warnings. swearing, mentions of injury, coaching abuse and unhealthy training habits, jungwon is 22, reader is 21, and both compete for south korea. set during the 2025/2026 figure skating season. major character retirement (wait and find out)

word count. 22k

author's note. gosh. am i surprised that the most i've ever written is a figure skating fic? no, not particularly. i was watching so many of yuzuru hanyu's programs while writing this and oh god. only fanyus will understand the immense impact the beat drop into the chsq has in pyc seimei. fucking hell that's powerful. anyways, this fic is my baby and i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it ^_^ here's a playlist u can listen to while reading if you'd like and feel free to lmk what u think!

ONE. negative (goe.)

Where is home to Yang Jungwon?

Jungwon thinks that he has two.

First, he would obviously say his apartment. The plush couch, the comfort of his own bed, and sunlight peeking through the curtains in the morning – Jungwon is comfortable when he is home. 

His second home, albeit a little bit unconventional – is the ice skating rink. His blades gliding against the smooth ice, cool air hitting his face as he skates, the chatter of his training partners ringing in his ears when he’s trying to focus that he finds annoying when he’s trying to focus. 

But his second home seems a little less welcoming and comfortable lately. The passion that he once held for the sport that he loved seems to be diminishing day by day, like a fire that’s almost been put out. 

Jungwon devoted his entire life to this sport. Maybe a little too much of it, even. 

His childhood was seemingly swept away by the ice. Instead of running around the playground, making friends with other children his age, Jungwon was spending hours of his day jumping and spinning, wearing boots with blades on them.

At one point, even falling over on a jump that he’d have to repeat for hours seemed like something he could use as determination. I’ll be able to do it the next time I jump it, was his thought. 

But now, when he falls, all he feels is that he wants to quit. 

Jungwon knows that if he gave up that easily when he was younger, he wouldn’t even be half the figure skater he was today. Standing on top of that podium didn’t bring him the same amount of joy as when he stood there a couple years ago. A small smile would grace his lips, showing courtesy – but deep inside, Jungwon could only describe the feeling he felt as numbness. 

Because what did all these medals truly mean to him? Success brought him joy a couple years ago, but now it only puts pressure on him. 

Pressure to do better. Pressure to get the scores that he deserved. Pressure to show the other skaters that he was better. 

Figure skating is no longer fun for Yang Jungwon. 

The sport feels draining – as if every minute spent skating on that sheet of ice sucked all the energy out of him. The movements that he did with such vigour just a couple years ago now seem sloppy to him, even if they aren’t to the audience. His limbs move around robotically, without elegance or gracefulness. 

Yang Jungwon feels like a robot. 

Programmed to do this quad lutz at a certain moment. Programmed to execute the hydroblade to perfection a few seconds later. Even programmed to smile brightly, holding up the gold medal while standing at the top of the podium when he doesn’t feel a single emotion at all. 

So, Jungwon thinks it’s time to hang up his skates. 

Yes, 22 might be a little too early to end his career as a competitive figure skater, but Jungwon is done. He’s tired of the ice, which is something that he never thought he’d say, or even think. The ice doesn’t bring him joy, and competitions don’t bring the adrenaline and thrill that he’d used to feel. Winning doesn’t make him feel pride. Instead, he feels burdened. 

“Next season will be my last season as a competitive figure skater,” he tells his coach, Irene. 

Irene isn’t shocked. But she’s strongly against Jungwon’s decision. Jungwon knew she’d react like this. 

“You’re so young, Jungwon! You still have a couple of years to go – you can make it to the next Olympics too. You’ll be 26 then, and you can… you know, retire after skating at the biggest stage.” 

“I will be skating at the biggest stage next year, if I make it into the Olympic team. Then, I will be retiring at the biggest stage.” Jungwon tells her, lacing up his skates. Even tying the laces feels frustrating – and Jungwon knows that he truly does not want to do this anymore. 

“But you have to give a reason, Jungwon. I know you’re tired, and you lack passion for skating, but why don’t you just take a break? Maybe you’ll regain your motivation, regain your passion for the sport. You’re already one of the greats – you could be even greater.” 

Irene would consider Jungwon to be her star pupil. He’s stuck with her ever since he swapped coaches when he was 8 – and he’s never spoken a word about wanting to be coached by anyone else. In fact, Jungwon was one of Irene’s first students after she herself retired from competition. Jungwon was her first student to podium internationally, first student to land a quad in competition, and first student to make it to the Olympics in 2022, back when Jungwon was 18. 

He placed 6th. Not bad, for his first ever Olympics. 

Jungwon remembers the day when he was called up to the South Korean Olympic team. All he felt was pride. On every young athlete’s bucket list, being able to compete in the Olympics was at the top of that list, and Jungwon was no exception. He remembers being an emotional wreck, crumpling into tears of joy. The Olympics was a figure skater’s biggest stage. Skating on Olympic ice seemed unreal, until Jungwon found out that he would be doing exactly that. 

Jungwon wants to feel the exact feeling he felt when he skated on Olympic ice. He wants to feel pride, passion, and joy – not emptiness. Jungwon knew that he was competing with the best of the best, and a medal at the Olympics would be incredible, but Jungwon just wanted to skate. The Olympics seemed to be like a mark for him – he’s made it. He’s skated at the biggest stage for an athlete, and no matter the result, he would be grateful and happy that he was able to compete on Olympic ice. 

4 years ago, Jungwon just wanted to skate. 

Now, Jungwon wants to leave the ice behind. 

You could be even greater. Irene’s words have no impact on Jungwon. He doesn’t think he has any desire to become greater. If anything, Jungwon just wants to learn how to love this sport again – but he doesn’t think that he’ll be able to. 

“That’s the problem, Irene. I don’t want to be greater anymore. I’m tired of this. I have no passion in what I do – why would I continue doing something that I don’t love?” 

“Jungwon–”

“I don’t think anything can change my mind, Irene. I’m really done,” he sighs. Jungwon gives his coach a small, sad smile. “So… let’s make the next season great, hmm? I’ll go out with a bang.” 

Irene gives Jungwon a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Okay.” 

“I have music ideas already,” Jungwon says, and Irene nods. “Tell me what you have in mind, and we can go through it with Taemin.”

“I was thinking for the short program, A Walk In The Skies by Joe Hisaishi. From the Howl’s Moving Castle soundtrack, and for the free, World Dreams. Also by Joe Hisaishi. A couple fans from a few years back told me that they’d like to see me skate to those songs, so… I’ve decided I will. They gave me a list of other options, but… I like these two the best.” 

“Okay. I’ll talk with Taemin about them.” Irene says, and Jungwon notices the look on his coach’s face. He knows that she’s not happy with his decision, because Irene’s never really liked people who give up. Jungwon thinks that to her, his decision seems to be as if he’s saying that he’s giving up. 

In one way, he is. But now that Jungwon thinks about it, does he have any other goals in this sport? He’s won Nationals. He’s won Grand Prix Final. He’s won Four Continents. He’s won Worlds. He’s been to the Olympics. The one thing he hasn’t done is win an Olympic medal, and maybe he’ll be able to do it next season. But Jungwon thinks that he’s checked off most of the boxes on his figure skating career goal list, and combined with the fact that he’s simply got no love for the sport left, he thinks hanging up his skates is the best idea. 

He gives Irene an apologetic look, even though he feels like he doesn’t really have to apologise for anything. He then makes his way onto the rink, skating a few laps around to warm up. 

He skates his program from last season as practice, first jumping a quad salchow that he lands cleanly. The sound of the blades scratching the surface of the ice no longer brings him comfort, but Jungwon continues skating around the rink as he enters into a back counter triple axel, landing it cleanly as well. 

Jungwon executes the rest of the elements well, with no falls or underrotations on his jumps. He presses his lips into a thin line when he finishes skating his program, putting his hands on his hips as he sighs. 

“That was good.” Irene said. “Gold medal worthy.” 

“Thanks.” Jungwon replies. He would usually feel nothing but joy when Irene would compliment his skating like that. 

But Jungwon finds that a gold medal is something he does not desire anymore. 

TWO. triple double camel spin axel 

The off-season is great. 

The pressure of competition is gone, and you’re able to rest without intense preparation and training for a couple weeks before you’re back to your usual routine. 

You do decide to head to the rink today though, just so you can get in some skating time with your new coach. 

Irene Bae was your idol growing up. When you saw her skate at the Olympics from the comfort of your own home at the age of 4, you knew that you wanted to be like her. Graceful and elegant, yet powerful and strong on the ice.

Your parents enrolled you in skating classes at the age of 3, and it was like the ice was practically calling your name. Your first coach, Hyuna, had told your parents that you had talent — and encouraged them to let you continue skating. 

And so you did. As the years went by, what your first coach said proved to be true — you did have talent. You won medal after medal, and you were said to be a rising star. 

So when the opportunity arose for you to be coached by none other than your idol, you of course had to take it. 

When she complimented you on your skating, you nearly screamed. Having the person you’ve admired for your whole life telling you that you were doing great gave you a huge confidence boost — and you’d like to think that her words encouraged you and made you do even better than you usually did during your free skate at Worlds.

Being coached by the Irene Bae seemed surreal. She won one silver, one bronze medal at the Olympics, was a 2 time worlds winner and a six-time national champion. She was even known for being an incredible coach, coaching skaters like Yang Jungwon, and Kim Jiwon — who would now be your training mates.

You feel nothing but excitement when you enter the Taereung International Skating Rink, and you hear the sound of blades across ice that brings a smile to your lips. You see Irene, standing rinkside with her arms crossed, and skating on the rink, is Yang Jungwon.

Yang Jungwon’s made quite a name for himself in the last few years. 6th at the 2022 Olympics, a great finish for someone who was only 18 at the time. He also just won Worlds, and was a five-time national champion. 

Yang Jungwon is an incredible skater. His movements on the ice are as fluid and soft as water, but when he jumps, he’s incredibly powerful, like a rocket taking off. You’ve seen many people say that Jungwon’s one of the few ‘complete skaters’ — those who can combine artistry with jumping seem to be extremely rare nowadays. 

He’s one of those skaters that can get you mesmerised the second he steps onto the ice, and when he finishes his program, loud applause resounds throughout the arena, with tons of people throwing cat plushies onto the ice.

Jungwon is incredibly talented. Thinking about the fact that you two are going to be training mates brings a smile to your face — all the conversations you’ve had with Jungwon went quite well. You remember his pleasant voice and his kind smile, the one where his eyes crinkle into crescents and could make anyone swoon. 

You make your way over to Irene, who turns her head and greets you with a kind smile when she sees you. “(Name)!” she beams, wrapping you in a hug. “Nice to see you.” 

“It’s nice to see you too, Irene!” you say, and she smiles at you. “I’m excited to be working with you.” she tells you, and her words just fill you up with joy.

“Thank you so much,” you beam. “I’m excited to be coached by you.” A smile graces Irene’s lips at your words. “Jungwon’s on the ice right now, with Taemin. He’s just learning the last part of his choreography for his short program for next season.” she tells you, and you nod.

“Jiwon’s gone for lunch break, and Eunchae and Jongseob should be somewhere around here… you can go meet with them and say hi later.” 

“Sounds good.” 

“Irene!” Taemin, the choreographer, calls out to her. “Jungwon’s got this. He’ll absolutely kill it.” 

You notice how Irene and Taemin’s smiles seem wider than Jungwon’s when Taemin says that. The smile plastered on Jungwon’s lips barely reaches his eyes. 

“Why don’t you go lace up your skates? You and Jungwon can share the rink.” Irene suggests to you, and you nod. You find a seat, pulling out your skates from your skate bag as you take your regular sports shoes off, slipping into your skating boots. You tie the laces incredibly quickly — after all, you have been doing this for years.

You take off your skate guards, leaving them on the bench as you skate onto the rink, skating laps to warm yourself up as you put your gloves on. 

Somewhere along the way, you find yourself accompanied by Jungwon, who catches up to you. “Hey,” he says. “Heard that Irene’s coaching you now.” 

“Yeah,” you beam. “We’ll be training mates from now on, huh?” you say, and Jungwon nods. “Saw you practicing your short program for next season… you’ve started quite early. Howl’s Moving Castle soundtrack?” 

“Mhm,” Jungwon says. “I like to get started earlier, so I’m more familiar with it when it’s time to compete. Do you have any ideas for the music you might skate to?” 

“Oh, I’ve got no idea. My friend told me to skate to Bolero, though.” you say, and you see Jungwon grimace at your words. You let out a loud laugh that makes Jungwon chuckle. “Bolero? Really?” he asks.

“Riki knows nothing about figure skating, but I think he goes on Twitter to find what music people hate seeing skaters skate to the most… Bolero is definitely one of them, which is probably why he recommended it to me.” you laugh. “Once he even asked me if I could do a ‘triple double camel spin axel’. Like what in the world is that?” 

Your words make Jungwon burst into laughter, and you think it’s one of the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard.

“A triple double camel spin axel? Your friend might just have invented a new jump.” he quips, and you nod. “Are you ready for the Olympics next year?” he asks you, and you shake your head.

“Who says I’ll make it?” 

“Of course you’ll make it. Your skating’s great.” Jungwon says, and you thank him. “You’ll definitely make it. To next year and the one after. You’ll probably make it to the one in 2034 too.” 

“Hah, that’s funny. But no, I won’t be making it to the 2030 or the 2034 one. It’s probably nice to think about, though.” Jungwon replies. 

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “What? Why? I mean... maybe 2034 is a bit of a stretch, but surely the 2030 one.” 

“I’m retiring after this season.” 

Your eyes nearly pop out of their sockets at his words. Yang Jungwon was going to retire? At the age of 22? Was he joking? 

You almost can’t believe it.

“What? Why?” 

“I don’t like skating anymore.” he hums, and he says it so casually. “It’s more of a chore now, rather than something I love. I guess I fell out of love with the ice.”

You can somewhat understand how he feels. You had burnout too, but you never got to the point where you wanted to quit. You just wanted to take a break, to refresh your mind and to take care of your health and body. 

But Jungwon sounds like he’s determined to quit. As if nothing will get him to change his mind.

“What would it take for you to fall back in love with it?” you ask.

Jungwon shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t think anything would be able to change my mind at this point. Skating is just so incredibly… draining. I want to enjoy it as much as I used to, but I just don’t think I can continue competing.” 

He sounds like he’s truly given up hope on finding love for the sport again, and it makes your heart ache. Yang Jungwon is undoubtedly one of the best figure skaters you’ve ever seen, and to see him possibly end his career because he just simply ran out of love for the sport saddens you. 

And for some reason, you want to try and get him to fall back in love with the ice again. 

So with a sudden burst of confidence and determination, you decide to ask him: “Are you free any time next week?” 

Jungwon looks at you, puzzled. “Yes?”

“I’m going to try and get you to fall back in love with the ice.”

“(Name), I’ve made up my mind—” 

“That’s fine. I just want you to enjoy skating again. No competition, just having fun. You know, I was in the audience the day you won the Grand Prix final two years ago. You looked so, so, incredibly happy — I want you to feel the same feeling you felt when you were skating on that ice.” 

Jungwon looks at you hesitantly. “You’d do that for me?” 

You nod. “We can get to know each other better too. What do you say?” 

Jungwon pauses for a moment to think. 

“Sure.”

You beam at him. “Cool. I’ll give you my number after practice and we can make arrangements.” 

Jungwon nods, and you two end your conversation there, focusing on training instead. 

As you land a clean triple salchow-triple toeloop on the ice, you add a new goal to your bucket list.

Get Yang Jungwon to fall in love with figure skating again.

THREE. seal skating aid

You meet up with Jungwon two days later at a public skating rink with a bright smile on your face. 

He looks confused when he sees the amount of people who have come to the rink today. “How are we supposed to skate with this many people here?” 

You smile, lacing up your skates. “We can still skate. We just can’t jump.” 

Jungwon looks hesitantly at you. “But skating laps is boring,” he says. “How am I going to fall back in love with skating like this?” 

“Because,” you say. “This was how you first fell in love with it as a kid. You didn’t know how to jump, how to spin, or how to do spirals. Sometimes doing simple things, such as just skating around the rink can be fun. There’s no pressure of needing to execute certain elements properly — look at everyone skating here today. They’re just here to have fun.” 

Jungwon looks at the people skating on the rink. There’s a bunch of couples, holding hands as they enjoy their date. There’s also lots of kids taking classes, learning how to balance on their skates just like he did when he was younger. There’s also two or three people who do seem like they’re good skaters, and Jungwon spots one of them doing a Biellmann spin right in the middle of the rink. 

And you are right. This was what the first rink Jungwon stepped on looked like. The rink he skated on wasn’t as busy as this, but sure enough, there were couples, kids that were learning to skate, and people like the girl doing the Biellmann spin was what made him think that he wanted to be able to do something like that. 

You motion for Jungwon to join you as you step onto the ice, and he does. You two skate around the rink slowly — much slower than Jungwon is used to. He sees a couple of young kids who seemingly recognise you and him, pointing you two out to their friends.

“You’re famous,” he says, chuckling. “You’re more famous, Mr Placed 6th In The Olympics.” you reply, and he shakes his head. 

“It’s still 6th. Not a podium finish.” he says, and you sigh. “6th is crazy good for an 18 year old. Plus, you were competing with the greatest of the greats.” 

“That’s true, I suppose.” Jungwon muses. “I’ll just do better this year. Might as well go out with a bang, hmm?” 

“I guess so.” you say. 

Jungwon looks around him, seeing little kids who are seemingly learning how to skate for the first time struggle with their balance. He discreetly motions for them to put their arms out and bend their knees, to which they do. They seem to balance a lot better, and Jungwon gives them a soft smile.

Those kids remind him of himself when he was first learning how to skate. A helmet perched on his head with his knee and elbow guards on, and rental skates that Jungwon would never even dare to wear now. He ran onto the ice, falling over — then getting back up. Falling over, then getting back up.

When it comes to skating, Jungwon now feels like he’s fallen. And he can’t seem to just muster the strength to get himself back up. 

Perhaps you will be able to get him to ignite the passion that he had for figure skating once again, but there’s a chance that it won’t happen. 

Jungwon realised that it hurts to fall out of love with the very thing you sacrificed your entire life for. His childhood was spent at the rink, doing the one thing he knew best — skating. Now that he realises his passion for the sport has crumbled away, all he can ask himself is: was it worth it?

Jungwon wants to say yes. But he isn't quite sure if he believes that now, considering that the ice no longer feels like home.

“You’re thinking a lot.” you hum, and Jungwon nods. “I was just thinking about… how I started.

You motion for him to go on.

“I used to love skating. I loved it more than anything,” Jungwon says, staring at the ice. He once said that the boots on his feet somehow felt molded to his body, since he wore them so much. But now, these exact boots are uncomfortable — they are suffocating, and Jungwon knows that when he's under the pressure of competition, he’ll want nothing more than to take them off. “But now, I just feel emptiness. And I’m just thinking… what could’ve gone wrong?”

“I don’t think anything went wrong,” you reply. “I think you pushed too hard. Like you said, you devoted your entire life to this sport. Even the brightest of flames burn out. You just have to find the thing that’ll be able to light it back up again.” 

“That’s poetic.” Jungwon says. “Being a poet was my backup career option, if this whole… skating on knife boots thing didn’t work out.” you quip, and Jungwon cracks a smile.

“This conversation got deep,” Jungwon says. “Sorry for bringing the mood down. I know we’re here to have fun.” he says, and you shrug. “It’s alright. Maybe letting out your feelings about it will help too,” you say. 

“Maybe,” Jungwon says. “But I think I’ve been thinking about them too much lately. I need to try and rid myself of these emotions, because I’ll just end up overthinking and I’ll end up spiralling.” 

You nod. “That’s fair.”

You then spot a seal shaped skating aid, and you look at Jungwon with a twinkle in your eye. You skate a little faster to get to it, and you bring it back to where Jungwon’s standing, and you motion for him to sit down.

“What?” Jungwon asks, confused.

“Sit down!” you beam. “I’ll push you around the rink.” 

Jungwon reluctantly sits down, burying his face in his hands out of embarrassment. He feels like he’s 4 years old, with his sister pushing him around the rink. But he also remembers how fun it was, the cool air hitting his face as loud music played from the speakers in the rink. Christmas music, Jungwon remembered it being.

“I’m gonna push you now,” you say, and Jungwon nods. You start skating, and you begin to skate faster — your blades scratch across the surface of the ice as a small smile begins to make its way across Jungwon’s lips.

Jungwon never thought skating laps could be so… fun. It’s like he forgot this feeling — skating with no jumps, no spins, no spirals. Just moving forward. It was so simple.

Simple is fun, Jungwon realises.

Simply skating forwards seems more exciting than the intricate movements he has to make. He doesn’t need to worry about possibly falling on a quad, he doesn’t need to worry about underrotating a jump, or getting an edge call — he can just skate. 

“Wait,” Jungwon suddenly says, and then you stop.

“Let me push you,” he says, getting up. You nod, plopping yourself down onto the seat as Jungwon grips the handle on the skating aid, which is shaped like a seal’s tail.

Jungwon starts skating, pushing the skating aid forward. He skates around the rink, moving faster with each lap he makes, and you put your hands up as if you’re riding a rollercoaster.

“This is fun, isn’t it?” you ask.

Yes, Jungwon thinks. This is quite fun. 

Despite just skating laps in a public skating rink, Jungwon thinks this might be the most fun he’s had on the rink in the last year.

FOUR. one ice show, two realisations

You see Jungwon two days later at the rink. 

He waves at you from the ice, taking a sip from his water bottle. His phone pings with a message, and he picks it up to view the text.

His fingers fly over the screen as he types a response while you lace up your skates. “Who’s texting?” you ask, skating onto the rink.

“Oh, just Yuzu.” 

“You’re talking about two-time Olympic gold medalist Yuzuru Hanyu?” you ask, and Jungwon nods. “Yeah. We’re friends.” he says, placing his phone back onto the bench. 

“What’d he say?” you ask — you don’t mean to be nosy, but Jungwon seems more than comfortable with telling you what the Japanese figure skater had texted him about. “Fantasy on Ice,” Jungwon replies. “The organisers wanted to reach out to me and ask me to join them on the tour, so he probably texted to give me a heads up.” 

“You should definitely do it, Jungwon!” you smile, and Jungwon purses his lips. “I don’t know.” he says, and he seems hesitant to accept Yuzuru’s offer.

You cross your arms. “Remember, it’s not a competition. Ice shows are meant to be fun. It doesn’t matter if the performance isn’t perfect — as long as you're having fun, and the audience is having fun, then that’s all that matters.” 

“Right.” he gulps. “I just haven’t done an ice show in a while.” 

“It’ll be a good experience to have, Jungwon. You can get rid of the pressure to prepare everything for next season and just enjoy skating, and you can go make new friends too.” you say, and Jungwon seems to consider it.

“I only have one gala program prepared.”

“Choreograph a new one.”

“Taemin’s busy.” 

“You don’t have to ask Taemin. Choreograph one yourself.” you suggest, and Jungwon furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t know how to do that.” 

“Jungwon, you’re an artist. You can come up with something.”

“It’ll be bad.” 

“Have some confidence in yourself,” you say, patting his shoulder. “You won’t know if you’re good or bad at it until you try, right?” 

Jungwon gulps again. “Right.” 

“So are you going to take up Hanyu’s offer?” 

Jungwon shrugs. “Maybe.” 

“Make that maybe a yes,” you say. “Really, skating in an ice show might help you enjoy skating again. Trust me. The crowd hypes you up, the skaters are all supportive, and it’s just a really nice environment to be in.”

Jungwon ponders the idea for a moment. Maybe he should really do this ice show. He hasn’t performed in a non-competition capacity in a while, excluding the galas after competitions. Now that he thinks about it, it seems nice to skate without the pressure of competition.

But the little voice in his head tells him that he absolutely needs to work on his programs next season. He wants to go out with a bang — he can’t do that if he’s underprepared.

Then your voice rings in his head. Fuck it, he hears you say.

A few shows can’t possibly hinder his performance that much. And it’s not like he won’t get any practice time in, and he’s already learnt the choreography for both programs… so it shouldn’t be a problem… right? 

Jungwon wants to love skating again. 

Maybe an ice show is the second step out of many in his quest to possibly find his love for skating again.

“Okay.” he says, picking up his phone. He moves his thumb over Yuzuru’s contact, typing an ‘I’d be interested’ before sending it without hesitation. You look pleasantly surprised, a smile on your lips as he places down his phone before looking at you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, the corner of his lips quirking up into a small grin. 

“Nothing,” you say, looking down at your skates. “I’m just happy you’re trying to regain your passion for this sport.”

Jungwon hums. “Yes. I hope I will be able to.” 

“I hope you can too.” you say. “This ice show might help you change your mind.” 

“I just wanted to ask you — why did you offer to help me try and love the ice again?” he asks, and you purse your lips. 

This conversation is not an easy one to have, you think. 

“I guess it’s because I’ve been through something similar,” you start. “There’s a whole backstory to this, so I might as well tell you. I was 13 when I started being coached by Seo Minju.”

When you brought up Seo Minju, Jungwon knew that what you were about to say was not going to be pleasant at all. A couple of friends Jungwon had were also coached by Seo Minju, and had ended up getting multiple injuries — and some even had to retire early. 

“I trained… way too much, to say the least. More than you do now. I was breaking my body and my mind from the inside out, training even though I was — excuse my language — fucking exhausted. There was a point where in the middle of JGP Courchevel, I felt like I’d black out after I did a triple axel.” you say, and pressing your lips together in a thin line as you relive the memories that you’ve always wanted to forget. 

“And I was in so much pain. I don’t know how I still trained with that much pain — I guess it was Seo who tried to make me keep going. Then one day… I just fractured my ankle,” you gulp, as Jungwon looks at you with his eyebrows knitted together, and his eyes seem to be watery. 

“The doctors said my career could have ended. That was the most terrifying thing to hear as a 14 year old kid. I had to rest, heal, and I couldn’t be on the ice for months. I swapped coaches, almost immediately after I got the diagnosis. And when I was told that I could go back onto the ice again, I was fucking terrified. I was scared that one wrong move would end my entire career for good.”

You sigh. “It took me months to heal. I still loved the ice — but my fear of it seemed stronger than my love for it. I had to relearn new techniques, get back my triples… that’s why I disappeared for a whole season. And when I managed to become comfortable with the ice again, I kind of just started thinking in a different perspective. I guess I kind of just want you to maybe think of the sport differently than the way you see it now. Because at the end of the day, when we decided to start, it was because we loved it, right?” 

Jungwon finds that a tear trickles down his cheek after you finish speaking. “Don’t cry,” you say, a frown on your face. “I’m okay now.” 

“I’m so sorry.” he says, and you smile. “It’s okay. I just kind of always have to remember to take more care of this ankle right here,” you say, pointing to your right ankle. “My problem child.” you quip, trying to lighten the mood.

Jungwon’s only gotten to know you better in the past few weeks, but he thinks that you’re the most incredible and most admirable person he’s ever met. And the fact that you would go out of your way to try and help him enjoy skating again — it makes warmth bloom across Jungwon’s chest and fills him with nothing but happiness. 

He thinks he’ll be eternally grateful for you.

“Come here,” he says, arms held out to pull you in a hug. You skate closer to him, and he wraps his arms around you, and you do the same, wrapping your arms around him.. Jungwon’s hugs are comforting, and you feel nothing but warmth despite you both standing in the middle of an ice skating rink.

He smells like fresh linen, you realise.

You also realise that you don’t really want to let go.

FIVE. spiralling 

You receive a message from the Fantasy On Ice organisers a few days later as well, asking if you’d like to join them on tour.

Of course you say yes.

Jungwon seems more cheerful lately. His mood dampens a little bit when he’s on the ice, but it seems barely noticeable to Jiwon and Jongseob — maybe you're just extra attentive when it comes to him.

Jungwon will admit that he is feeling a little bit better. Skating to a program that he knows he doesn’t have to compete with is freeing, fun even. But the little devil on his shoulder keeps pestering him, telling him that he has to focus on next season’s programs.  

Jungwon tells the devil to fuck off.

He heads back to his apartment, the weight on his shoulders slightly less heavy than it was a couple weeks ago. He thinks that maybe, just maybe, he might get to love skating again.

When he opens the door, he’s surprised by his cousin, Wonyoung, who stands in front of the door with balloons in her hands. “Congrats on your Worlds win!” 

She pulls Jungwon in for a hug. “You’re two weeks late, Wonyo.” he jokes, and Wonyoung scoffs. “I texted you, because I was in Paris and I couldn’t come watch you.”

“I know, I know.” Jungwon says, putting his skate bag away before he flops on the couch, Wonyoung sitting next to him. “How’s skating?” she asks.

“Terrible,” Jungwon responds. “Well, not entirely. But 90% terrible.” 

Wonyoung looks surprised. “What? You just won a major competition though.”

“Yeah. I guess. But it’s not exactly fun anymore,” Jungwon sighs, and Wonyoung frowns. “I feel way too much pressure to be perfect. Every day of my life, it’s just training, training, training — I feel like I know nothing outside of figure skating.” 

Jungwon’s phone rings, and he furrows his eyebrows before pulling his phone out of his pocket and checking the caller ID. It’s Jangmi, his older sister.

“Hello?” Jungwon says, putting his sister on speaker mode. 

“Why did we have to find out from Irene that you’re retiring?” Jangmi’s tone does not seem happy, and Wonyoung, who’s sitting beside him, seems shocked. 

Jungwon sits up properly, frowning at his sister’s words. “Because I didn’t think that it was any of your business at the time, and probably because I would’ve told you when I was ready?” he replies. “Why do you sound so angry?” 

“You’re like… 22. You’re way too young to retire.” 

“I don’t think that’s for you to decide, Jangmi.” Jungwon says, sighing. 

“Why are you even retiring anyways? It’s not like you’re injured or anything.” she says, and Jungwon frowns. “I just don’t love the sport anymore, Jangmi. I should be able to retire when I want to, and I think that I want to.” 

“All because you don’t love the sport? You’re throwing away all those years of your training because you don’t love it anymore? You’re just finding an excuse to quit, Jungwon — and you know our family doesn’t like quitters.”

Jangmi’s words make Jungwon fume. He’s furious, and Wonyoung can tell from the way his expression immediately changes from frustration to one of pure anger. 

“You would never understand, Jangmi. I sacrificed my entire childhood for this sport and I wish I fucking knew why I fell out of love with it but I just don’t know why, okay? I wish I could just suddenly start fucking love skating like I did when I was 4, but that’s not possible! I’ve gotten to the point where I simply just cannot continue because I’m not going to spend my days being miserable doing something that I don’t love.” Jungwon’s hands tremble as he holds his phone, tears welling in his eyes and Wonyoung pats his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him — it does not seem to work at all.

“Do your medals and titles really mean nothing to you? Do they not give you motivation to keep going? You’re literally Yang Jungwon, Olympian, 2025 World Champion, and a 5 time national champion!”

“They seem to mean more to you than they do to me.” Jungwon says.

“Jungwon, you can’t give up.”

“But I can.” 

“Jungwon—”

“Jangmi, I’m really not in the mood for this right now. Call me when you can accept my decision.” Jungwon says, before hanging up. He sighs, leaning his head back on the headrest of his couch.

He blinks away the tears in his eyes, and he lets out a loud sigh.

“Are you okay?” Wonyoung asks, even if she knows that her cousin is anything but okay.

“I’ll manage.” Jungwon replies, and Wonyoung gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Jungwon gives her a stiff smile. 

None of them say a word for a while, sitting in silence until Jungwon suddenly speaks up. “I just don’t know how this happened.” 

“What?” Wonyoung asks. 

“How I managed to start disliking the one thing I swore I’d love my whole life. I spent my entire life, I sacrificed my entire life just to get here… and now that I am here, I find that I suddenly hate skating. The passion I used to have seems like it just disappeared into thin air.” 

“What Jangmi said was wrong.” Wonyoung says. “It’s your career. Do whatever you want.” 

“But now that I think about it, do I really want to retire?” Jungwon lets out a sad laugh. “I was telling my friend, (Name), that I wanted to love skating again. Maybe that’s just all I want.” 

Jangmi’s phone call somehow really struck a chord within Jungwon. He knew that his sister only cared about his titles — it’s been like that since they were kids. Saying I’m figure skater Yang Jungwon’s sister somehow gave her an automatic “cool” pass. Then it became national champion Yang Jungwon. Then, Olympian Yang Jungwon.

Figure skating is all Jungwon’s ever known. Saying that he wants to retire seems easy enough when he knows he hates what he does. But when his last competition rolls around, Jungwon knows that leaving the ice might be the most difficult thing he’s had to do, ever.

Jungwon might hate the sport he’s sacrificed his life for, but what he hates more is that he allowed himself to start hating it.

SIX. rental skates

After a few weeks of practising your gala performance and a little bit of your programs for next season, you and Jungwon are headed to Japan for Fantasy On Ice.

Jungwon hasn’t exactly been in the best mood lately. You’ve tried to cheer him up, and it works sometimes, but he still looks exhausted and tired of it whenever he steps on the ice.

You hope the ice show will make him feel better. Sometimes performing to an upbeat and supportive crowd can help cheer people up (at least that’s what it’s like for you.)

You’ve given him supportive comments while you’re watching him rehearse his program for the show, and you manage to get him to crack small smiles while he’s skating — you know he’ll have to take this one step at a time.

You two are seated beside each other on the plane, and Jungwon settles into his seat comfortably, headphones propped on his head over a baseball cap.

“Are you feeling okay?” you ask him, and he shrugs. “I haven’t participated in an ice show for a while. I really don’t know what to expect…. so I’m a bit worried.” he replies.

“Don’t worry. Ice shows are meant to just be for fun,” you say. “Skating is something you should enjoy with the audience.”

Your take is interesting. All his life, Jungwon has just been aiming for the medals — he never thought about how he was feeling while he skated. It was as if his mind was blank, only knowing that he had to do this certain element at this certain time. 

Because getting medals was what would bring him joy, right? 

That was what Jungwon used to think. 

“Mhm.” he replies. 

He doesn’t know why his sister’s words from weeks ago are still stuck in his mind. He goes quiet, lips downturned into a small frown that you notice. 

“How’d you start liking the sport?” you ask Jungwon, noticing his mood to seemingly be less than pleasant. Maybe your question will help him take his mind off whatever’s been bugging him.

“My sister’s birthday party. We all went to the ice rink together. I remember just running onto the ice, and I fell a couple times. There was this one learn to skate class being held during it, and I just saw other kids my age having so much fun. Then, I saw this one girl do a Biellmann, and she did some double jumps too. And I thought — how cool would it be if I could do that?” he says, and he smiles a little when he thinks about those good memories.

“What about you?” he asks, taking a sip from his water bottle as the pilot notifies everyone that they’re about to take off.

“My parents just signed me up for skating lessons. But then I ended up really loving it after my first class.” you reply, and Jungwon nods.

“Now that I think about it, classes were really fun for me when I was a kid.” Jungwon says, and you crack a small smile. “We should do a learn to skate class for jokes,” you say, and Jungwon chuckles. “The coach would definitely ask us what we’re doing there. They’d be so confused.” he replies. 

“Let’s wear rental skates.” 

“Oh, god no.” Jungwon grimaces at the thought. “I swear the blades at the rink haven’t been sharpened for years.” 

“You should try a triple in rental skates,” you joke, and Jungwon makes a face, wincing. “I can already feel the pain from that… I’d most definitely fall and injure myself.” 

“No, you’d be good, Mr 2025 World Champion.” 

“You try it, Ms 2025 Grand Prix Final winner.” 

Jungwon thinks that he feels the most comfortable when he’s around you. It takes him a bit to warm up to people, but you two had formed a close relationship practically the minute you guys became training mates. Talking to you is easy, and fun – he doesn’t think he’s had a good laugh on the rink in years, and Jungwon realises that skating is more fun when you’re around.

Goofing around on the rink, taking practices seriously but also not at the same time is something that seems new to Jungwon, at least in the last few years. So seeing you find joy in practice, which is something he hasn’t been able to do for years, makes him think that maybe he could do that too. 

You encourage him, as well, pulling him into your antics that make Jongseob, Jiwon and Eunchae laugh. Slowly but surely, all your training mates seem to realise that Jungwon’s loosening up – he allows himself to have fun on the rink, and he allows himself to take breaks.

During a conversation between Jongseob, Jiwon and Eunchae, Jiwon had mentioned that she thought that Jungwon would probably fall in love with you. 

“She seems to make him happy,” was what she said. She’s not wrong, too – everyone’s noticed the way Jungwon seems to seem livelier and happier lately. Jongseob remembers the way Jungwon seemed to be constantly stressed, eyebrows almost always knitted together in worry, and never-ending sighs escaping past his lips. 

Jungwon’s love for skating hasn’t fully returned yet, but he thinks that he’s starting to like it a little again. It’s not as draining as it was before, and perhaps it’s because you’ve taught him that above all, skating should be fun. Jungwon allows himself to have fun on the ice for the first time in a couple of years, and when he glides across the ice with not a single ounce of worrying about him needing to prove that he’s the best, all he feels is relief. 

And he would be eternally grateful for you. For teaching him how to have fun on the ice again. To let go of all the pressure that’s been on his shoulders for years, and just to enjoy the sport.

Gold medals and countless titles might have brought him fulfilment years ago. But now, he thinks that simply just skating would bring the same amount of fulfilment, if not maybe even more.

SEVEN. side by side (quad toe)

Ice show practices are fun. 

Everyone’s got a smile on their faces. The first thing Jungwon notices is how warm and welcoming everyone is. The minute he walks into the rink alongside you, he’s welcomed with a hug from Harua, a figure skater from Japan that he remembers having a few nice conversations with during competitions. 

“It’s nice to see you again!” Harua beams. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” Jungwon replies, even though he saw him at Worlds just a few months ago. “I know right?” Harua says. “I’m glad you’re joining us this year, though! I remember the organisers wanted to see if you wanted to join us last year, but Irene told them you were busy.” 

Jungwon brushes his bangs out of his eyes. “Yeah, I was busy during the off-season last year. Preparing for competitions, you know… I thought I’d have a break from that and just join you guys this year.” 

“Mhm,” Harua nods, and he hears his name being called out by someone. “I think I’ve got to run along, but it was nice seeing you! It’ll be lots of fun. Nice seeing you too as well, (Name)! Let’s talk more later.” 

Harua runs off, as you give Jungwon an amused smile. “You guys seem close.” 

“We’re not super close… we’ve just talked to each other a couple times at competitions. He’s a really nice guy, though.” Jungwon says, taking his skates out of his skate bag. He looks at the rink, and there are a few skaters he recognises just warming up. 

“He does seem really nice.” you hum, sitting down next to him as you take your skates out from your bag as well.

“You ready?” he asks, standing up. You quickly finish lacing up your right boot before nodding. “Let’s go,” you say, linking arms with him as you lead him towards the rink.

You do it so casually that Jungwon needs a few seconds to process the action. He doesn’t know why his face starts feeling warm, and he doesn’t want you to let go of his arm.

The funniest thing is, the minute he thinks that, you let go, placing your hands into the pocket of your jacket.

“Hey, let’s do a side by side jump.” you suggest, and Jungwon nods. “Triple?” he asks, and you shake your head. “Nah, let’s do a quad. Quad toe?”

“Sure.” he says, and he starts skating, doing backward crossovers on the ice. “Should I count? How do pairs do this?” you say, as you skate beside him.

“Just count,” he says. 

“Okay, one, two, three.”

And you both take off, spinning four revolutions in the air before landing, completely synchronised. You look at Jungwon with a huge smile on your face, giving him a high five. “Nice.” you say.

“That was good.” Jungwon says, patting you on the shoulder. “New pairs team in the making!” you two hear Jongseob joke, and Jungwon lets out a chuckle. 

You tell Jungwon that you’re going to practise your gala program for a bit, and he nods as he watches you skate off. You glide gracefully across the ice, Jungwon admiring how beautiful your jumps and spins are.

He doesn’t realise that his expression is one of awe until Harua points it out. “You look very enamoured, Jungwon.” he smirks, and Jungwon immediately snaps out of it.

“Huh… what?” he asks, almost as if he’s in a daze. He blinks a couple times, and Harua only chuckles. “Do you like (Name)?

“Of course I like (Name). She’s my friend.” he says, completely clueless to what Harua’s hinting at. “No, no, I mean like… in a romantic way.” 

A romantic way?

It might sound a little crazy, but Jungwon does not think he’s ever had a crush on someone in his 22 years of walking on this planet. Skating was his number one priority — love wasn’t anywhere on his list of priorities. In fact, Jungwon doesn’t even think he’s thought about love at all.

So Jungwon isn’t quite sure how to tell if his feelings for you are romantic or not, because he simply just doesn’t know what having a crush feels like. He knows that you linking arms with him was nice. He knows that he didn’t want you to let go of his arm.

Was that the first sign of a crush?

Jungwon truly didn’t know.

He scratches the nape of his neck awkwardly. “I don't… think so.” he replies, but it comes out sounding more like a question, and Harua only smiles at him, amused.

“Cool. Cool… tell me that next year when you two are dating.” the boy says, and Jungwon raises an eyebrow. “We’re not going to… what?”

“You seem much happier when you’re around her, you know.” Harua says, earnestly. “At Worlds, you didn’t seem very happy. You seemed tense, as if you were always burdened by something.” 

“But now, you seem like you’re feeling better. You’re smiling again.” Harua says, and Jungwon takes a few seconds to process his words. 

“She… she’s trying to get me to like skating again.” Jungwon says, and Harua lets out a knowing ‘ah’. “I guess I have started liking skating more again… because she’s helped me learn to have fun.”

“That’s good. See, your relationship is like a whole Netflix movie plot.” Harua quips.

“I really don’t see the vision you’re trying to paint in my head, Harua.” Jungwon says, and Harua shrugs. “Just think about your feelings when you’re around her. I guess if you feel like… warm, and happy when she’s around, you like her? Or if you think about her a lot. Or if you want to kiss her, I don’t know. You should Google it. Ask Google how to tell if you like someone, or something. You know it has all the answers.” 

Jungwon’s drawn to two parts of what Harua just said. One, the part being that Harua told him to ask Google how to tell if you liked someone, and two, the part where he told Jungwon to think about whether he wanted to kiss you. 

Jungwon’s not going to Google to ask for relationship advice. 

And Jungwon also doesn’t know if he wants to kiss you or not. He doesn’t even know if he likes you romantically, either. All he knows is that you make him happy. Much happier than he used to be.

But when you skate up to him with a bright smile on your face, Jungwon feels his heart beat faster than it was just a few seconds ago. And he knows it’s not because he’s tired from skating, because after all, he has been standing still while talking to Harua.

Maybe he does like you. 

Just a little bit.

EIGHT. let me entertain you

Tonight is the first show of Fantasy on Ice for this year, and you’re bursting with excitement. 

You get dressed into the costume for the opening, and you raise an eyebrow when you see the dress. It’s not… terrible, but it’s not something you’d wear at all.

You leave the dressing room, looking into the mirror as you tilt your head. You walk towards the hair and makeup area, where Jungwon’s getting his hair done.

“Do I look okay?” 

Jungwon thinks his heart skips a beat. 

The costume is... alright, but that’s the case with Fantasy On Ice costumes every year. But, you make it look really, really good. Unconsciously, a smile makes its way to his lips, and you take it as a good sign.

“You look great.” he says, and you smile. 

“Thank you, Won!” 

You just called him a nickname. His smile seemingly gets wider as you scurry off, being called for your own hair and makeup to be done. 

“Do you see what I mean, Jungwon?” Harua says, sitting in the chair beside him. “I really don’t.” Jungwon replies.

“You two are definitely going to fall in love. I’ve got great matchmaking skills.” Harua smirks.

“Who’s falling in love?” Yuzuru asks, overhearing Harua’s words, and Jungwon buries his face in his hands. “Jungwon! And… (Name).” Harua says your voice very quietly, in fear that you might hear him.

“Oh?” Yuzuru says, wiggling his eyebrows. “You guys would be cute together. Did you guys get closer recently?” 

“Mhm,” Jungwon nods. “I don’t think I'm… in love though.”

“You’re married to the ice like Yuzu, huh?” Harua quips. “I said I wanted someone who would benefit my skating or be very supportive of it.” Yuzuru replies.

“Elsa.” 

“Enough.” 

“No, but I just haven’t thought about love, you know?” Jungwon says. “Skating takes up my whole life… I don’t exactly have the time to think about it.”

“Valid.” Yuzuru hums. “But seriously, you two would actually be really cute together. Harua says he hasn’t seen you smile genuinely in years.” 

Jungwon thinks Harua might be exaggerating a little. He would smile at Harua (genuine smiles!) after he finished skating. It was just during the skate, during the Kiss and Cry, and during the podium where Jungwon would do the smile that never quite ended up reaching his eyes. 

“You’re making me sound emo!” 

“You are though?”  Harua replies, laughing. “Wait, no… not anymore.” he nods his head in the direction of where you are, and Jungwon rolls his eyes. 

“I’m not falling in love.” he says, before getting up from his chair. He hears Harua say Whatever you say! teasingly, and Jungwon just shakes his head as he makes his way over to you. 

“Hey,” he says, greeting you as the makeup artist swipes a pretty pink colour on your lips. You look up at him, waving (because you can’t exactly smile right now.) 

“Hi! You’re lucky you’ve got a puffer jacket on. Man, it’s freezing here.” you say when the makeup artist is done, shivering slightly. For someone who’s on the ice almost all the time, your tolerance to the cold isn’t exactly high — but in your defence, they did have the aircon on in the room.

“You can just take mine,” Jungwon says, unzipping it. He drapes it over your shoulders, and the action suddenly makes your cheeks start feeling hot.

You’ve heard about this feeling before, but you don’t think you’ve ever really experienced it. If those movies and books were right, you think you might just have the tiniest crush on Yang Jungwon.

You think that becoming friends with Jungwon might’ve been one of the best decisions of your life. He’s kind — always caring about you even when he’s feeling down in the dumps. He’s funny too, but he doesn’t seem to show it to anyone other than you. And, he is undeniably one of the prettiest people you’ve ever seen.

Him lending you his jacket just makes your heart flutter. 

“Oh, thank you.” you say, and for the first time, you find yourself at a loss for words when you’re talking to Jungwon.

“It’ll keep you warm until before the show starts.” he says, and you nod. “You ready?” you ask, and Jungwon shrugs. 

“I don’t know. I’m a bit scared. I hope I do well.” 

You take his hand, giving him an encouraging squeeze. “I know you’ll do well. And just remember that this is for fun. It’s not a competition. You’re here to have fun, you’re here to let the audience have fun.” 

“Okay.” he says, taking a deep breath. “I’ll make sure to have fun.” 

“Loosen up, Wonie.” you beam at him. “The crowd will love you, I’m sure of it.” 

You see everyone starting to line up in order of their appearance for the opening, and thankfully, you’re behind Jungwon, so you two can continue your conversation.

“I just wanted to ask.” you start, and Jungwon hums, motioning for you to continue. “Do you think you’re starting to love skating again?”

Jungwon is silent for a moment.

“A little bit. Because now I know that skating is meant to be fun, above all.” he says, and you smile.

“Cool.”

“Thank you.” Jungwon grins at you.

“For what?” you ask.

“For helping me with liking skating again. I really thought I wouldn’t be able to find my love for it again. I guess I just thought that if I trained harder and got better results, I’d be happier with my skates… but I was wrong,” he replies. “I needed to learn how to have fun again. I needed to remember why I started loving the sport in the first place.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Won.”

“No, but I do. I know I wouldn’t have done this ice show if you didn’t convince me to. And from what I can tell and the cheers I can hear, I think it’ll be a lot of fun.” he smiles. “So thank you. For pushing me to loosen up. For pushing me to learn to have fun.”

“You’re welcome, then.” you smile. The organiser tells Jungwon that he’ll be up next. “You’ll kill it out there.” you say.

“So will you.”

Jungwon thinks that deciding to join this ice show might be one of the best decisions he’s made. 

NINE. ice days

Jungwon has never felt so happy to perform.

The crowd is loud, lively and cheers him on, applause sounding throughout the arena after he lands a jump. The atmosphere makes Jungwon excited to skate on the next show.

It’s been a while since Jungwon felt excitement towards the ice.

Cheers resound throughout the arena when he finishes his program, and he finds that he doesn’t have to plaster a smile on his face — he already is smiling. A huge, genuine smile. 

He doesn’t see you until the group number at the end, and when he spots you, he skates a little faster in order to catch up with you. “Hey, Won! You did great.” you say when you notice him skating beside you on your left. 

“Thank you,” he says, a smile on his lips. “You did great too.” 

“Was it fun?” you ask, playing with the coloured scarf tied around your neck. You notice that you and Jungwon have the same exact one – they’re both orange and pink (a colour combination that you’re not quite sure you like too much.)

“Yeah. It was really fun.” 

“What’d I tell you?” you say, grinning brightly at him. “There are a lot more shows after this, so you’ll get to experience all this over and over again.” 

“I’m glad you made me do this,” he says, chuckling. “I don’t think I’ve had this much fun on the ice in a long, long time.” 

“That’s good. Do you think my quest to help you love the ice again is working?” you ask.

“I think it is.” 

You take his hand and squeeze it. “That’s good. I’m glad.”

Jungwon doesn’t notice the crowd seems to get louder after seeing your action. He thinks that someone must’ve done a cool trick, like Jongseob doing a backflip. 

“That’s enough, lovebirds!” Harua says, skating up to you two. “We’re about to leave the rink.” 

All the skaters skate to the centre of the rink, and Jungwon does too, with you following him. You all link hands, bowing at the audience before each of you leave the rink, one by one.

As Jungwon’s hand is in yours, you can’t stop thinking about Harua calling you two lovebirds. Obviously, you and Jungwon weren’t together, but now you can’t stop thinking that perhaps there could be a possibility, provided that you managed to figure out all the mixed feelings you had and if he reciprocated.

But strangely, something about Jungwon just makes you feel at home.

There is something so comforting about his presence. You feel at ease with Jungwon — it’s easy to talk to him, it’s easy to crack jokes when he’s around (you realised that you do it more often when he’s around just so you can see him laugh.)

It’s also easy to just sit in silence with Jungwon. Usually you’d feel compelled to fill the awkward silence, but with Jungwon, sometimes words don’t need to be shared. You feel like you’re able to understand him, and he’s able to understand you, despite only growing close during the off-season.

You’d like to think that he’s the closest friend in your circle of skater friends.

When you’re finished getting changed out of the costume and remove your makeup, you try to find Jungwon in the packed room, but to no avail. 

“Who are you looking for?” Kaori asks, and you turn around to face her. “Oh! Jungwon.” you say, and Kaori points in the direction she saw him go in. “He’s just over there, with Harua.” 

“Thanks!” you say, grinning at Kaori before heading in the direction she pointed at. Sure enough, Jungwon’s sitting there, typing away at his phone.

“Won!” you say, and he looks up, a smile immediately on his lips. “(Name)! I was waiting for you.” he says.

Your heart flutters. Harua smirks whilst trying to stifle a giggle. Jungwon shoots a pointed look at the boy.

“Oh?” you ask. “Yeah. I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner before heading back to the hotel together.” he says, standing up from his chair.

“Of course!” you reply, nodding. “Cool,” he says, placing his puffer jacket into his bag. “Harua says there’s a good ramen place around here.” 

“Yeah. It’s really good. I would go with you guys but then I’d be third-wheeling.” Harua says, still seated in his chair. Your cheeks flush pink at his words, whilst Jungwon furrows his eyebrows. “Why would you be third-wheeling?” 

“Oh. Just because,” Harua says, a smirk on his lips. “You guys should run along now. They close pretty soon,” he checks the time on his phone.

“Well! We should hurry then… see you tomorrow, Harua.” you say, and Jungwon waves at the skater. “Bye!” 

Have fun on your date, Harua mouths at Jungwon. Jungwon rolls his eyes in response. 

“The crowd were cheering really loud for you tonight,” you tell Jungwon. “Oh, really?” he asks — he thought they were just as loud with everybody else. 

“There were less people in the audience during the last ice show I did, but yeah. They were really loud — they seemed to really enjoy your performance.”

A small, proud smile makes its way to Jungwon’s lips. “I’m glad they enjoyed it. They seemed to like your performance too. I know I did.”

Goddamn Yang Jungwon. His words were making your heart beat as fast as it was when you were competing on the ice. 

Your cheeks feel hot, and you fan your face with your hand to try and stop them from getting warmer. Jungwon seems to notice your actions. “It’s hot, isn’t it?” he asks.

“What?”

“The weather.” he says, pulling out his phone. “It’s 32 degrees right now.” 

Thank god Jungwon is dense when it comes to any aspect of romance. You understand why though, because when he was younger, he was fully devoted to the ice. You don’t think he even gave any attention to the people who were chasing after him and yearning for his affection — because it was like his heart belonged to the ice.

“Oh. Yeah, it is.” you say. You think you dodged a bullet there. You and Jungwon arrive at the ramen shop soon after, and Harua is right — the food is absolutely delicious. 

Speaking of Harua, the ramen reminds you of him mentioning that if he came with you and Jungwon, he’d be third-wheeling. 

Somehow you feel… giddy at the thought of that. Not Harua third-wheeling, but the idea of you and Jungwon on a date. 

Wait, was this dinner a date? 

No. You shake your head to get rid of the thought. Jungwon only sees you as a friend. 

But the idea of you two possibly being something more seems to now be engraved in the back of your mind, and while eating ramen in 32 degree weather with Yang Jungwon in the streets of Makuhari, you realise:

You like Jungwon.

TEN. 4Lz (ur, fall)

Jungwon finds that Fantasy on Ice ends faster than he thinks. It was nearly two months of touring — time really does fly when you’re having fun.

He thinks he’s starting to enjoy skating again. He’s found a new appreciation for his craft — and with the knowledge that his skating is able to make so many people happy, he thinks that he should be able to make himself happy with his own skating. 

He returns to the Taereung skating rink with a bright smile, and Irene notices the change in his demeanour the second he walks in the door. 

“Welcome back, Jungwon.” she says, and Jungwon smiles. “Hi, Irene. Thanks.” he replies, placing his skate bag on the floor before taking his skates out. He takes off his usual training shoes, putting on the skating boots that've been with him every day for the last 3 years.

“How was FAOI?” Irene asks. “Good. It was fun.” Jungwon says, finishing lacing up his skates. 

“That’s good. Are you ready to practise for next season properly now?” she asks, and Jungwon nods. “Yeah.” he says, skating onto the rink. 

“You remember the choreographies, right?” she asks, and Jungwon nods. He thinks he remembers them, but now that she asks, he’s not too sure if he remembers them completely. 

“We’ll do the short program first.” Irene says, pressing play on her phone as the music plays through the speakers. 

Jungwon glides on the ice elegantly, his movements as fluid and soft as water. He spins and turns on the ice, doing backward crossovers as he prepares for the first jump — a quad lutz. 

He’s usually confident in this jump. He takes off, spinning in the air — but as he’s about to make his landing, he falls. Irene makes a noise just as Jungwon gets up, and he presses his lips together in a thin line. It’s fine. Jungwon thinks.

The next jump is a quad toeloop-triple toeloop combination, and Jungwon thinks he’ll do fine, and he lands the quad well, but he feels the landing on the triple is a little shaky.

Doubt fills his mind. Did he get worse somehow while doing the ice shows? Sure, he didn’t do as many quads when he was in Japan, but he thought he’d be okay. Or maybe he’s just having a bad day. He’s done three jumps. Two of them he wouldn’t consider done well.

Flying camel spin. Jungwon’s spins are always done well, and Irene nods in approval — but every thought in Jungwon’s mind is telling him that he shouldn’t have done that ice show. He slacked off, and now he’s not doing as great as he was before.

Final jump for his short program, a triple axel. He lands it cleanly, but he feels little satisfaction for it. Dread is what Jungwon feels. He shouldn’t have gone. He should’ve listened to the devil on his shoulder telling him to stay — he needs to train. He needs to practise.

Spin combination. Jungwon does them well as usual. Then the step sequence, which as he’s skating, he hears Irene make a small hum in satisfaction. But Jungwon does not feel any satisfaction from his performance at all.

The last element of his program, a sit spin, is completed perfectly. 

Jungwon is surprised he remembers the entire choreography when he’s in his finishing pose. He sighs, skating around the rink with a frown on his face.

“You didn’t have enough height on your quad lutz.” Irene says, and Jungwon nods. “I know.” 

“Train that for a bit.” 

Jungwon listens.

And he falls more than he usually does. 

The more he falls, the more his brain tells him that he should have stayed. He notices you entering the rink, and that lifts his mood slightly — but as he attempts another quad lutz, and falls, he’s just completely tired.

He motions to Irene that he’s going to have a break. He leaves the rink, putting his skate guards on as he heads towards an empty bench, burying his face in his hands.

You immediately notice the dejected look on Jungwon’s face, and you hurry over to him to ask him if he’s okay. 

“What’s wrong, Won?” you ask, sitting down next to him. “Nothing. I’m frustrated.” he replies with a sigh.

“You can talk to me.” 

“I spent too much time having fun. And now I think I forgot the choreo to my free skate, and I can’t land my quad lutz — usually, I’d be way ahead in terms of preparation. And I’m just scared that I won’t do well next season.” he says, his voice shaky, and you frown.

“I’m not blaming you for saying I should’ve gone to the ice shows, by the way. I enjoyed the ice show. But now I feel underprepared.” 

“It’s okay. But Jungwon, Grand Prix is like in… September. It’s July.” you say, in an attempt to reassure him.

“I know. I know. I’m just… worried.” 

“You have plenty, plenty of time. And hey, maybe it’s just a bad skate day. I get those sometimes.” you say in a soft voice, placing your hand on his shoulder, and Jungwon thinks your words make him feel a little better. “Doing not as well on one day doesn’t mean you’re terrible now, Jungwon. You have lots of time, and you’ll only get better. Don’t stress, okay?”

“Okay.” he says, sighing. 

“You’ll do great. I know it.” 

Your words are able to comfort him. Jungwon is thankful for that. But he feels this blooming feeling in his chest that he doesn’t really think he’s ever felt before. The words Harua said a month ago pops back into his mind. You two are definitely going to fall in love.

Love may be a bit of a stretch for now. But Jungwon thinks he certainly does like you. He feels warm and happy around you. He thinks about you a lot. And the possibility of being something more than friends has started to linger in the back of his mind.

“Thank you. You will too.” Jungwon says. You give his hand a tight squeeze as encouragement, telling him ‘fighting!’ — which makes him crack a small smile.

Shit, maybe Harua is right. Jungwon thinks. He heads back onto the rink, deciding that he should try the quad lutz again. Maybe it’s just a bad day. 

And as he lands one that he thinks is the cleanest one he’s ever done, he decides that perhaps taking Harua’s advice to ask Google how to tell if he likes someone isn’t the worst idea. 

ELEVEN. octuple flip

Grand Prix assignments roll out two weeks after you and Jungwon’s return to the Taereung rink. 

You’re assigned to Grand Prix de France and NHK Trophy, and Jungwon’s assigned to Skate Canada and like you, the NHK Trophy. 

You’re glad you’ll at least be able to see him at a Grand Prix competition. You tell him that when he’s at Skate Canada, you’ll be watching him skate from the comfort of your home. He tells you that he’ll be doing the same when you’re at Grand Prix de France.

You and Jungwon get even closer during training for the Grand Prix competitions. Like you had said, that day when he fell on the quad lutz multiple times was just a bad day. You’ve seen him do both his short program and free program cleanly multiple times now. 

Jungwon thinks he must’ve been having fun during training, because Skate Canada rolls around faster than he thinks. But of course with you around at training, it’ll always be fun. 

He did not end up asking Google for relationship advice. He instead asked Wonyoung, who had asked him to text her about you and just simply describe you and how you made him feel. He had originally texted  ‘nice to me.’, but then Wonyoung told him that he had to elaborate.

Needless to say, after his long paragraph about you that he sent to Wonyoung (she skimmed over it, the first two lines of the text were all she needed to know), she had established that Jungwon liked you. 

And with that thought in his mind, Jungwon does realise he has started to act differently around you more recently. He’s more attentive to you, he’s always by your side when you’re around, and he finds himself sometimes wanting to just hold your hand.

As you send him off to the airport, a bright smile on your lips and a cat plushie in your hand that you give to him, a pink blush tints his cheeks, even if he doesn’t know it. And if he did, he’d blame it on how hot the coffee in his hand is. 

Unbeknownst to Jungwon, your cheeks are heating up too when you see the look on his face after you give him the stuffed animal. 

There’s just something about Jungwon that makes your heart do flips. Triple flips, quadruple flips — even quintuple flips.

Your heart thumps loudly in your chest. You think it just did 8 rotations. Not humanly possible.

But, your heart just does an octuple flip. 

You text him every day too, when he’s in Canada. He responds almost immediately (if he’s awake, because of the damned time zones), and he sometimes even sends you pictures of himself on the ice too. There’s one where he’s holding up the cat plushie you gave him, a smile on his lips. You find that there are butterflies in your stomach after you see the message.

Time zones are horrible, but you set an alarm so you can remember to open up your laptop and watch him skate. 

You send him a goodluck message, that he doesn’t read immediately because he must have his phone in his bag, since he’s about to skate soon. 

And when the commentator announces Jungwon’s name, you see him skate out onto the rink. You murmur You got this! but obviously, you know he can’t hear you.

“Now, obviously Yang Jungwon is one of the most anticipated skaters at this Grand Prix competition. He delivered a sublime skate at Worlds last season, securing him the title as world champion.” you hear the commentator say, as Jungwon skates around the rink before getting into his starting position. “Yang Jungwon with the music: A Walk In The Skies.” 

The music starts, and Jungwon moves across the ice in a way you’re most familiar with now. You’ve seen him do this program hundreds, maybe thousands of times — but at a competition, Jungwon’s got his A-game on. His movements are delicate, elegant and beautiful. 

“First comes the quad lutz.” the commentator says, and you watch your screen intently as Jungwon takes off, spinning four revolutions in the air before landing cleanly. “Yes!” you say, pumping your fist. 

“Absolutely stunning.” 

You agree with the commentator wholeheartedly.

“The quad toe-triple toe.” Jungwon lands the quad toe the second the commentator says that, and takes off into the triple toe — another clean jump. 

You smile. He’s doing great, you think, as he does a flying camel spin. He looks happy as he skates as well. He seems to be enjoying the sport more and more each day.

Jungwon skates his entire program cleanly, with all green boxes on the left hand corner of your screen. His technical score is the highest among all the skaters, and he was the last to skate — you think that he’ll definitely place first in the short program.

“Yang Jungwon at his best, everyone.” the commentator says. “Yang did absolutely wonderful tonight, and I’m sure it will reflect on the scores.”

He bows, a genuine smile on his lips — one that he hasn’t shown in a long time at competitions as the cat plushies fall from the bleachers and onto the ice. He picks up as many as he can before leaving the rink while the flower kids pick up the rest, as the camera pans to him giving Irene a fist bump.

You think he’ll break 100. There’s no way he won’t. 

As he sits in the Kiss and Cry nervously waiting for his scores, you sit at home on your couch, just as nervous as he is. The camera faces towards him, and Jungwon smiles at it, holding up one of the cat plushies he had received and mouthing a thank you. 

“The scores, please.” 

“The short program score for Yang Jungwon of South Korea is 111.45, his season’s best and currently puts him in first place.” 

The crowd erupts into cheers, and you push your laptop off your lap and onto the couch, jumping up in excitement. 

You watch as Jungwon pumps his fist up into the air before hugging Irene with pure joy on his face. 

Jungwon doesn’t think he’s been this happy to place first in a long, long time. He had fun skating today. He also skated well today. And he’s currently in first. 

Having fun and winning can coexist. Jungwon finds that out today as he bows once more before leaving the Kiss and Cry.

Jungwon thinks that he’s just a few steps away from loving skating again. 

TWELVE. you, me (?) and the ice

Jungwon wins the men’s category of Skate Canada.

You welcome him back to Korea with a huge hug at the airport, slightly startling him but he hugs you back nevertheless. “You did so, so good!” you say, and Jungwon smiles.

“Thank you.” he says. “I haven’t felt this happy to win gold in so long.”

“You know I cried watching your free skate?” you say, and Jungwon looks at you, eyes widened. “Really?” he asks, as you lead him to your car. 

“I was really proud. And happy. Because you looked like you liked skating again.” you say. “I did like skating there. I haven’t enjoyed skating competitively for so long… and I feel like I just did better when I enjoyed it.” he hums.

“Jungwon, you broke a world record, and you had fun while doing it.” you say.

“I did.” he replies. “If you had told that to me at the beginning of the year, I wouldn’t have believed you.”

You load his luggage into the trunk of your car, motioning for him to get into the front seat. He does, and when you slide into the driver’s seat, he surprises you with a cute stuffed toy of an adorable polar bear — which are the plushies that your fans throw onto the ice after you skate.

“I saw this in a store window when I was heading back to the hotel, and it reminded me of you,” he says, handing it to you. “It’s so cute, Jungwon! Thank you.” you say, taking the toy in your hands. “Look, I even got it skates.” he says, pointing at the skates attached to the polar bear toy’s feet, making you chuckle. 

“That’s so cool.” you say, setting it aside so you can drive. “I’m putting this on my nightstand.” 

You do actually want to put it on your nightstand, but you decide to bring it with you to France. You pack it in your backpack the night before you leave. “You’re my good luck charm now,” you tell the stuffed toy.

And this time it’s Jungwon’s turn to send you off. 

Like what you did when Jungwon was in Canada, he texts you as much as he can, updating you on the little things that go on at the rink, such as telling you about how Jiwon bought a hot dog, or Jongseob doing backflips on the ice nonstop.

He keeps his promise of watching you skate. He watches your short program on his bed, his dog Maeumi curling up beside him as he watches in anticipation. You skated clean in the short program, and as if Jungwon was actually in the arena right now, he erupts into applause. 

“Look, Maeumi. (Name) did well.” he says, showing his dog the screen that showed the rankings. Maeumi only blinks at the screen. 

When the time to watch your free skate rolls around, Jungwon drops everything to watch it. He ends his call with Wonyoung, when they’re talking about the family gathering next month that Jungwon doesn’t think that he’ll be able to make it to. “Sorry, Wonyo — something important just came up, I’ll call you back later.” he tells her, ending the call swiftly.

He sees you in the last group of skaters warming up — you’re going to skate last, because you placed first during the short program. He watches as you land a triple loop cleanly, and unconsciously, a smile makes its way to his lips.

He watches the other skaters skate before you, and they all do pretty well. There’s a couple of falls, and Jungwon winces when one of the skaters hits the ice particularly hard. 

And when your name is announced, his eyes are immediately drawn to the screen, diverting his attention from Maeumi, who now also seems to be drawn to the laptop.

“Last to skate is (Name), representing South Korea. Now, (Name) had a wonderful season last year — placing 1st at the Grand Prix finals, and 2nd at the World Championships. Placed first in the short program, she’s surely aiming for the top of the podium here today.” the commentator says. 

Jungwon chews on the inside of his cheek nervously as your music starts. 

Every time you skate, Jungwon is in awe, and today is certainly no exception. You glide on the ice as smoothly as a flowing river, every movement of yours from your arm all the way to your fingertips controlled delicately. 

Quad flip, Jungwon thinks at the same time the commentator says that out loud. You land it beautifully, and Jungwon nods his head, murmuring ‘nice’. Maeumi looks at Jungwon’s laptop screen, just as transfixed on your skating as his owner is. 

Being able to watch your skating is a gift in itself, Jungwon thinks. Your performances are absolutely mesmerising, and Jungwon knows he wouldn’t be able to look away even if he tried. You are a master at combining technique with artistry – without a doubt, it is clear to everybody that you were born to skate. As you continue with your program, Jungwon’s eyes follow your figure on the screen.

He has watched you do this program a million times. Every single time, he gets chills – every single time, you do it better than the last time. Everything is executed to perfection, and there is one thing Jungwon notices clearly as you skate. It is your passion for it. 

You skate as if it'll be your last skate ever. You give your all, expressing every single emotion you feel and sharing it with the audience. You aren’t showing off your skills – you are telling a story. A tale of you and the ice.

You once mentioned to him that you had always wanted to fly. You might not have wings, but you have your skates. Aim higher. Soar higher. Despite how difficult figure skating is, and the injury that almost took you out of the sport — never once, have you thought to quit. Never once have you wanted to give up on your dream, and never once have you ever imagined a world without you skating.

Jungwon wants to skate with as much passion and love as you have for the sport. He has much to learn from you, and it is only when your music stops that he realises that a single tear drops from his eye. 

You have single handedly changed Jungwon’s entire perspective of skating. You managed to help him fall back in love with the sport – and he knows he’s not fully there yet, but he’s close to it, and your encouragement played a huge part in it. He knows he would be miserable on the ice if you hadn’t. 

And when your scores are announced, with everyone in the arena and everyone watching online hearing how you had broken a new world record, Jungwon jumps up from his bed with joy, a huge grin plastered on his lips. 

Nobody deserves that gold medal more than you do. 

THIRTEEN. thin ice

With each skate and each reminder that he should use the ice to release all his pressures and burdens, Jungwon enjoys skating more and more now. 

Irene notices how Jungwon finds skating more exciting. Being subjected to only frowns and sighs of disappointment only for the past few years, she thinks it’s certainly a nice change – and deep inside, she hopes that Jungwon will change his mind about retirement. 

He has been seriously considering it now. With him now being able to enjoy skating competitions, Jungwon finds himself wanting to compete next season, but still, a little part of him still wonders if he should let his first love go. 

He thinks he’ll decide after the Olympics (that is if he makes the team, of course.) Jungwon knows he’ll have to put out a really good skate at Nationals in January. Despite that little devil telling him that if he doesn’t train morning, noon and night, he’ll lose, Jungwon decides to ignore it. He finds that he skates better when he’s having fun anyways. 

NHK Trophy rolls around soon enough, and it’s both yours and Jungwon’s last Grand Prix assignment before the Final. You two are finally travelling together for the first time since the ice show, and you don’t forget to buy a cat plushie to hand to him after his free skate (you know he has plenty of them, but one more couldn’t hurt.)

Jungwon does the same, buying a polar bear plushie for you that he stuffs into his suitcase. 

The competition goes well for both of you, with both of you winning silver medals and gaining a spot in the Grand Prix Final.

You both fall once in the free skate, with the winners of the competition skating cleanly for both programs. The Jungwon a couple months ago would be terribly upset about it – but now, Jungwon is happy about silver. He podiumed whilst skating happily. Something that he didn’t think he’d be able to do again. 

When Jungwon hands you the polar bear plushie after your free skate, he doesn’t realise that a camera goes off the second you take hold of it in your hands. And when you hand him the cat plushie after his free skate, another camera goes off as well – you both don’t find out until somehow Dispatch releases an article about it. 

First of all, Jungwon wonders why you two are on Dispatch anyways. You two aren’t idols, and you doubt that the public would really care about either of your romantic lives, but Jungwon finds that he is very wrong after reading some of the comments from netizens. Second of all, he wonders why he didn’t notice the camera flash when both incidents happened. Third of all, he examines his face closely – and he thinks that the smile he’s giving you is one of the brightest ones of his that’s been seen on camera.

Harua texts him a ‘invite me to the wedding’ with a link to the article and too many emojis that it gives Jungwon an eyesore. Jungwon replies with a no and a middle finger emoji. Harua knows well enough that you and Jungwon aren’t together.

Yuzuru texts him ‘Are you two finally together? Congratulations!’ with perfect capitalisation and a link to the article. Jungwon replies with another no, but this time with a smiley face instead of the middle finger. Yuzuru texts him a thumbs up. His follow up message reads I’m sure it’ll happen soon though, and Jungwon just sends back a ‘hahahahaha’. 

And you’re subjected to merciless teasing from Riki, who spams the article link in your chat. You honestly think it’s much worse than the comments from some of the netizens you read. But honestly, what the netizens say isn't even that bad. Except for the comments from the ones who want Jungwon to be theirs. Those ones you just laugh at, because honestly, they’re quite hilarious. You’ve never read such creative insults directed at you. 

But the articles make Jungwon think. 

About the possibility of being in a relationship with you. He’s established that he thinks he likes you (or at least his feelings for you do fit what Wonyoung and Google have said about what liking someone is like), but Jungwon has never thought about… dating. 

Quite frankly, Jungwon thinks that he’d be scared to tell you about his feelings – because he knows that once you confess, that relationship would be changed forever. You can’t go back to just friends when the other knows that you want to be more than that. And what happens if the relationship doesn’t work out? Do you just act like the whole thing never happened? Or do you just cut the other person off completely? 

The latter option is absolutely not possible considering that you and Jungwon are training mates too. 

This is complicated. And thinking about it makes Jungwon’s head hurt. 

But then he looks at the cat plushie on his bed that you had given to him after he finished skating his free program. The joy that fills his heart is immense, and he can’t stop the lovestruck grin from spreading across his lips. 

Is this what the movies and books described as being struck by Cupid’s arrow? Because if so, Jungwon thinks that Cupid shot an arrow straight through his heart, with your name engraved on the tip of it. 

Jungwon can’t stop thinking about you. His day is instantly made the second he sees you walk through the doors of the Taereung ice rink, and he looks at you as if you've got the whole universe in your hands. Every single move you make, every single smile you send his way makes that blooming feeling in Jungwon’s chest get warmer, warmer, and warmer. 

Jungwon likes you. He thinks he really, really likes you. 

And coming to that conclusion doesn’t make him as afraid as he thought he'd be. He’s calm, and he thinks his conclusion just seems right. As if the final piece of the puzzle is put into place, Jungwon’s feelings for you are finally sorted out. 

Jungwon doesn’t need Harua, Wonyoung or Google to tell him that he likes you. 

He just knows it. 

Confessing is a whole other story, but Jungwon thinks that when the right time comes, he’ll do it. He doesn’t know much about love, with his entire life practically being devoted to the ice – but he knows that when it feels right, it must be the right time. 

So, Jungwon comes to two conclusions that night. 

One: he really likes you, and he doesn’t need anyone else to confirm it for him.

Two: he can’t believe that a Dispatch article made him realise that he really liked you. 

FOURTEEN. public skating session 

You ask Jungwon if you’d like to skate at another public rink after the Grand Prix Final is over.

He immediately says yes.

He doesn’t take you up on the offer to wear rental skates though, so both of you lace up your skates on the bench, Jungwon putting your bags into a cubbyhole. 

“Let’s go, Wonie!” you say, and he finds his heart fluttering at the nickname. He follows you onto the rink like the first time, and you two skate side by side, at a way slower pace than usual to be mindful of the other skaters at the rink.

“How does it feel to be the 2026 Grand Prix Final champion?” you ask him, and he smiles at you. “Hmm. I don’t know,” Jungwon replies. “I should be asking you that.”

You and Jungwon both winning in your respective categories were amazing for the media. Yang Jungwon and (Name), figure skaters rumoured to be dating win Men’s Grand Prix Final and Women’s Grand Prix Final was the headline. But at least Dispatch can add more to their article, and you and Jungwon get to go home with shiny gold medals. 

“Feels pretty good. Two years in a row,” you say, and he pats you on the back. “You deserved it,” Jungwon says. “Have I ever told you how in awe I am whenever I watch you skate?” 

“Thank you,” you say, chuckling as your cheeks turn hot at the compliment. “Your skating is amazing as well — that step sequence in World Dreams? Gave me actual chills. I saw a tear drop from a woman’s eye when I was seated in the crowd.”

“Really?” Jungwon asks, and you nod. “She was bawling by the end of it, I think.” you say, and Jungwon softly smiles. “I’m glad my skating made her feel something… hopefully all good things though.” 

“Most definitely good things. She threw 5 cat plushies onto the ice. I think she’s a hardcore fan.” you reply. “She might’ve dethroned my spot as your number one fan.” 

“Hey,” Jungwon says, pouting. “You texted me when I was at Skate Canada saying that you’d always be my number one fan.” 

“Yeah, but she was like a diehard fan,” you say. “Don’t worry though, I’ll throw out 15 cat plushies when you skate during Nationals. I’m taking my spot back.” 

“I’ll throw out more than 15 polar bear plushies when you skate at Nationals. I’ll throw out 16.” 

“Are you challenging me?” 

“Yeah,” Jungwon says, a smile never leaving his lips. 

“We can just be each other’s number one fan.” you say, and Jungwon nods. “Deal. So can I get your autograph?” he jokes. 

“Sure thing,” you say, playing along. You motion for him to hold his palm out, and you trace your autograph on his hand. “There you go!” you say, tracing a smiley face and a heart as well. 

“I’ll treasure this forever,” he quips. 

“You better.” 

You two fall into a comfortable silence as you both skate laps around the rink, observing the other people there. Like last time, there are couples on dates, there are little kids learning to skate, and there’s people who actually figure skate, doing spins in the centre of the rink. 

“Right, I was going to say. You seem way, way more happier on the ice than you were before,” you tell Jungwon, who nods. “Yeah. I think I actually like skating again. I mean… I can’t exactly say love, because you know… sometimes I just revert back to the way I used to think whenever I fail at something.” he replies. “But competitions are a lot more fun. The ice doesn’t drain me of all my energy anymore, and winning medals sort of brings me fulfilment again.”

“That’s amazing, Won.” you say. 

Now that you think about it. Jungwon wanted to retire because he didn’t love skating anymore. But now that Jungwon enjoys it again, you’re left wondering if he’ll still continue competitive skating.

It’s as if Jungwon’s able to read your mind. “I’m not sure if I’ll retire or not. On one hand, skating is fun now… and I’d like to continue at least maybe for a little longer, but I’m also wondering if I should just… let go. Explore things outside of skating, even though I know I’ll probably come back to the ice every time.”

You let his words sink in for a moment. “I think… you don’t have to decide your future plans this early. You could decide at the Olympics, after you skate. Or you could even go to Worlds after the Olympics and decide then.”

“Yeah. I could do that.” Jungwon breathes out. “I’m just… indecisive and unsure of everything right now.”

“No, I get it,” you nod. “You have time, Jungwon. Don’t rush things.” you tell him. 

Jungwon agrees with you. Thinking about too much and thinking too far ahead were two of the many reasons why he fell out of love with figure skating. Now that he’s slowly started to enjoy it again, he knows he has to rid himself of his bad habits. 

“Okay. It’s not like I’m in a hurry to retire. If I was, I would’ve already done it by now.” he says, smiling. “And if I don’t retire this season, I’ll probably just retire in 2030. I can still fulfil my dream of leaving at the biggest stage.” 

“I feel like I’d do that as well, if I’m not gonna lie.” you say, and Jungwon tilts his head. “So are we retiring together?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. “I mean… if you don’t retire during this Olympics, then probably. But do what feels right, Won. Don’t do it because you feel pressure from others to keep going. If you love the sport, you’ll always find a way back to it, like something like professional skating, or coaching, or doing commentary. If you think it’s time, then it’s time.” 

Jungwon can always count on you for giving him great advice. 

“You’re right.” he says. “Anyways… enough about that.” he spots a penguin skating aid in the corner, and he skates up to grab a hold of it. He pushes it as he skates, and you can’t help but find the mere action adorable. 

You pull out your phone to record him, and you chuckle as you see him skate faster towards you. “Cute,” you say, and Jungwon’s cheeks flush pink. If you ask, he’ll blame it on the rink being cold. 

“You use it,” he says, pushing the skating aid towards you. You gladly take it, grabbing ahold of the handles, pushing it as you skate with Jungwon by your side. 

Talking to Jungwon is easy. He tells you about how he stores his medals in ziplock bags when he needs to take them to interviews, to which you propose a better idea: using socks (a trick you learned from none other than Yuzuru Hanyu himself.) He also tells you about his dog, Maeumi, who apparently had watched your Grand Prix de France free skate with him – Jungwon says that Maeumi was absolutely mesmerised by your performance, and it’s interesting how every single thing Jungwon says is able to bring a smile to your face. 

You tell him that you’d like to meet Maeumi, and he tells you that you’re welcome over anytime. Your heart flutters at the invitation that you accept warmly. “In fact, you could come over after we leave.” 

“Really?” you ask, and Jungwon nods. “It’s not like we’ll be spending more than an hour here anyways. We already spend most of our days at another rink – we’d get way too bored if we spend hours here like everyone else.” 

Jungwon is right. After 20 minutes of more skating and just talking to each other about your lives (as if you didn’t learn nearly absolutely everything about him during the off-season), you and Jungwon head over to his apartment, where you meet Maeumi. 

And as you play with Maeumi, gushing over how cute he is, you notice the fond smile on Jungwon’s lips as he watches you two from the couch. 

You don’t know why, but that look on Jungwon’s face makes you think that perhaps you two could be something more than friends. 

FIFTEEN. last nationals skate (?)

Jangmi calls Jungwon the day before the short program for Nationals. 

“I’m sorry for getting upset,” she tells him. “It’s your career, not mine.”

Jungwon sighs. “It’s fine. I don’t think I know what I want to do with my career either. Retiring is an option, and competing… also is another option now.” 

Jangmi somehow sounds happier at the sound of Jungwon’s words. “That's… good,” she says, trying to not make it obvious that continuing to skate is still an option for Jungwon. “What changed your mind?”

“I started liking it again.” he says, gazing at the sheet of ice in the Uijeongbu ice rink. The ice finally feels like home again, and instead of bringing him dread, Jungwon feels at ease at the rink now. The pressure is no longer something that drags him under – it is now something he uses to allow himself to skate better. 

Now when he skates, he feels his passion for it again. “Even the brightest of flames burn out,” you had said. His flame dimmed, nearly being put out entirely – but he’s more than happy to have been able to ignite it again. 

And as his music starts playing for the short program, Jungwon realises something as he glides across the ice elegantly. 

If he retires, this will be his last ever Nationals. 

This crowd, this rink, this atmosphere – it’ll be the last time he ever gets to experience this. He stays completely focused on his program, but this thought lingers at the back of his mind when he lands the quad lutz. 

The audience cheers, and Jungwon’s eyes catch sight of the banners that fans have made for him in the crowd, with encouraging words that bring a smile to Jungwon’s face. 

When he finishes his short program, Jungwon pumps his fist into the air, more than satisfied with his performance. He skates around the rink as the audience throws stuffed animals onto the ice, picking some up as he thanks the crowd. 

He bows before leaving the rink, Irene pulling him into a hug after he puts his skate guards on. “You did amazing.” she says, and Jungwon smiles. “Thank you,” he replies, as he makes his way to the Kiss and Cry.

As he waits patiently for his scores, he can’t stop thinking about how if he does decide to retire at the end of this season, that was his last ever short program at Nationals. He didn’t think this far ahead when he told Irene that he wanted to hang up his skates at the beginning of the off season, and now that he realises that he may be nearing the end of his career, Jungwon suddenly starts feeling a wave of sadness. 

He was nothing but sure about his decision when he told Irene that he’d be retiring. But now, sitting in the Kiss and Cry at quite possibly one of his last competitions ever, Jungwon thinks he might just want to hold on for a little longer. 

“The scores, please.” the announcer says, ending Jungwon’s train of thought. 

“The short program score for Yang Jungwon is 112.36, which currently puts him in first place.” 

The crowd erupts into cheers at his score, and Jungwon smiles in satisfaction while Irene claps. “Good job,” she tells him, and Jungwon thanks her. He stands up, bowing once again before leaving the Kiss and Cry, and everything just slowly starts sinking in. 

If this was his last short program ever at Nationals, at least he did well. 

But Jungwon doesn’t want this to be his last ever Nationals. The feeling of wanting nothing more than to just leave the ice has completely disappeared in a matter of months, and Jungwon now just wants to stay. 

Maybe it isn’t time to hang up his skates. 

After finding his passion for skating again, Jungwon just wants to feel the thrill of competition. He dreaded competitions months ago, but now his feelings towards the ice have completely changed. Winning medals can finally bring him satisfaction again – he’s being acknowledged for being good at something that he loves. 

He can now look at the cameras while standing atop that podium with a genuine smile on his face. He doesn’t feel like he’s a robot anymore, with  every move he makes when he skates programmed into his brain – he feels like he’s a writer, or a poet, telling his story on the ice. 

He changes out of his costume, putting on a hoodie and some sweatpants before leaving the locker room. He checks the time, realising that there’s only an hour until the women’s free skate – he promised you that he’d be in the crowd.

With 16 polar bear stuffed animals that he currently does not have. 

He rushes to the nearest toy shop, asking the staff if they have polar bear plushies still in stock, and luckily, they do. The shop assistant helping him looks slightly concerned when he asks for 16, but still brings them all out in a basket. “Is this for (Name)?” she asks, and Jungwon furrows his eyebrows, confused as to how she would know that. 

“Yeah… how’d you know?” 

“Bunch of people came in asking for polar bear stuffed toys to throw onto the ice for her.” she says, scanning all the polar bears. “Oh. That’s nice of them.” Jungwon replies. 

“You bought the most.” the shop assistant says, putting all of them into a large shopping bag for Jungwon, noticing how he only has a backpack that most certainly won’t fit 16 polar bear toys. 

“Oh, cool.” he says, swiping his card on the reader. The transaction goes through, and the shop assistant smiles at him before handing him his receipt. “Good luck to both you and (Name) on your free skates,” she tells him, and Jungwon thanks her before leaving the store. 

He makes it back to the Uijeongbu ice rink just in time, with Jongseob saving him a seat. “That’s a shit ton of polar bears you’ve got there,” Jongseob says, holding a plushie of Artemis from the Sailor Moon series to throw on the ice after Jiwon skates. 

“Yeah.” Jungwon replies, putting the shopping bag onto the ground. 

“You’re a dedicated boyf– fan!” 

“Enough.” 

There’s five groups of skaters, and you’re the last to skate. Jungwon cheers for each and every skater, but his cheers will definitely be the loudest for you. Jongseob yells as his life depends on it when Jiwon skates onto the ice. 

Soon enough, it’s your turn to skate. You look at the crowd, spotting Jungwon and Jongseob sitting together and you flash Jungwon a smile, whilst a shit-eating grin spreads across Jongseob’s lips. “Good luck,” he mouths to you, and you nod as a way of saying thank you. 

Your program goes well, for the most part – aside from falling on a quad toe loop and stepping out on a triple lutz. Jungwon knows that you’ve done enough to secure a podium spot – and a spot on the Olympic team, and it seems as if you know that too, tears streaming down your face the minute you finish your program. 

You’re going to the Olympics. You’ve finally achieved your lifelong dream.

Cheers and applause resound throughout the rink, with tons of polar bear stuffed toys being thrown out onto the ice by fans, and Jungwon is one of them. You see him throw out polar bear after polar bear from the shopping bag he’s holding, and a sweet smile spreads across Jungwon’s lips as he sees your surprised face.

“16?” you mouth at him, and Jungwon nods. You can’t help but clap your hands over your mouth to hide your laughter, and as the announcer calls your name again, you skate into the middle of the rink, bowing once again before leaving.

Eventually, it is you, Jiwon and another skater named Kim Chaeyeon who get named to the Olympic team. 

Like how Jungwon bought 16 plushies for you during your free skate, you buy 17. It’s a funny coincidence how you both end up going to the same toy shop, and the shop assistant gives you a smile when you enter. “Could I get… 17 cat plushies?”

“This is for Yang Jungwon, right?”

“How’d you know?”

“He said the same thing when he came in yesterday to get 16 polar bear plushies for you,” she says, taking the toys and putting them into a basket. You have a nice conversation with her before you leave the shop with a large bag holding exactly 17 cat plushies. 

You notice multiple things when you’re in the audience. Jiwon has a stuffed animal of a tiger in her lap that she throws out onto the ice when Jongseob skates. She also gives you a look as if to tell you not to tease her about it. You also see tons of people holding cat plushies, ready to throw onto the ice after Jungwon skates, and you’re one of those people too. 

You also notice the passion Jungwon now has for skating. He commands the ice, moving fluidly across the rink – Jungwon is a phenomenal skater. Goosebumps rise up on your skin, and you don’t think any other skater has been able to convey emotions to the audience this effectively. 

Like you, Jungwon qualifies for a spot on the Olympic team. 

He gazes at you as you throw cat plushies onto the ice, and a fond smile spreads across his lips. “17?” he mouths at you, and you nod. 

Jungwon wonders if your heart’s beating as fast as his. 

Little does he know, it is. 

SIXTEEN. born to skate

Just being able to go to the Olympics is truly sensational.

You weren’t even able to fully process it until you saw a staff member walk up to you and hand you your Olympic security pass. Your name’s on it, along with the 2026 Milano Cortina logo on the right – and under your name, it says athlete. 

You can’t believe a security pass might actually make you burst into tears. 

Jungwon hangs his security pass over his neck, and then turns to look at you. “You okay?” he asks, and you nod. “Yeah,” you reply. “It’s just kind of crazy. I’m going to compete at the Olympics – Wonie, oh my god. I’m an Olympian.” 

“You are,” he says. He takes your hand, locking his fingers with yours and gives your hand a tight squeeze. The mere action makes your face feel hot, your heart beating in your chest incredibly fast. “You’ll do great, don’t worry.” 

“You will too,” you say, beaming at him. You don’t want him to let go of your hand. Jungwon doesn’t want to let go either. 

He only let go when Jongseob and Jiwon were walking towards you two. 

That aside, time seems to go by faster for some reason. You arrived in Italy 2 days before the men’s short program event, and today’s already the day. Jungwon changes into his costume, and zips on the South Korea team jacket before he leaves the changing room. 

“You ready?” you ask him.

“Yeah. I'm a little nervous, but it’ll go away when I start skating.” he replies, and you smile. “You’ve got this, Won.” you say, pulling him into a hug. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs.

Before he starts skating, Jungwon looks into the crowd to spot where you’re seated. You give him a thumbs up, and he smiles softly before getting into his starting position. 

Jungwon has missed the Olympic ice. 

In the crowd, you notice how Jungwon’s skating even better than he did at Nationals. He skates with  pure emotion – as if this skate could very well be his last. 

Then the realisation hits you like a truck. 

If Jungwon did decide to retire, sticking with his original plans – this would be his last competitive short program, ever. And now every move he makes on the ice seems to have a whole new meaning for you. 

He skates like he’s got everything on the line. Time and time again, Jungwon tells the audience that he was born to skate – but this performance proves it. Every jump, every spin, every transition, every choreo sequence and every step sequence is executed to absolute perfection. 

Yang Jungwon is a master of his craft. Nobody can doubt that. 

Nobody will doubt that after this performance.

Jungwon has sacrificed hours, days, months and years to produce a performance like this. He has never felt such fulfilment, such satisfaction after skating – the only word he can use to describe how he feels after his skate is that he is proud. 

He is proud that he was able to put out a performance like that. He is proud that he’ll be recognised for an impeccable short program. But most importantly, he is proud that he delivered a program of such quality whilst enjoying every moment he had on that Olympic ice. 

And when the scores are announced, saying that he is currently in first, Jungwon doesn’t think he’s ever felt happier. Irene hugs him tightly, and Jungwon’s practically shaking in disbelief. 

Nobody beats his short program score for the night. Jungwon knows the medal is just within his reach. 

Feeling victory finally feels good, and Jungwon hasn’t even won yet. 

When you rush up to him immediately after he exits his changing room, you wrap him in a huge hug, and at first, he’s startled by your action. But he immediately hugs you back, his cheeks dusted with a light shade of pink that he knows he’ll get teased about if Harua sees it. 

“Won, that was incredible!” you could gush over his performance for hours and hours on end. “You were absolutely mesmerising. The image you were painting inside my head – all of our heads! It was so vivid. I felt like I could feel what you felt as you were skating. Everyone was blown away. You’re absolutely sensational.”

Jungwon thinks of you in an incredibly high regard. So hearing these words from you makes his eyes well up slightly with tears, and you immediately notice. 

“Don’t cry!” you say, wrapping him in another hug. “I just needed you to know how incredible you are.” 

Jungwon needs you to know how incredible you are as well.

He feels nothing but warmth as he’s in your embrace, and truly, perhaps this is what Jungwon thinks he might call love. Because you care for him in a way that nobody else has. You didn’t know him well at the time, but still offered to try and get him to enjoy skating again. You push him to be a better skater, and a better person – and Jungwon didn’t think he knew what love was.

But now he thinks he does.

Quite simply, love is you. 

And he cares for you more than he cares about anyone else, even if he thinks that he is terrible at showing it. He isn’t the best when it comes to love, or relationships – but he’s learning. He’s learning all because of you. 

In less than one year, you have changed Jungwon’s life entirely.

You’ve taught him how to have fun skating again. You’ve taught him to allow himself to loosen up, and not let pressure define him. You’ve also taught him what it’s like to be loved. And how to love. 

Jungwon doesn’t know if this is a stretch, but he feels like you might’ve quite literally saved him. Jungwon is forever grateful for the fact that you walked into his life the moment he needed someone like you. 

And Jungwon is more than sure that he indeed does love you. 

Jungwon feels relief when he finally admits it to himself. Perhaps it’s because deep down, he knew that he loved you all this time – he just didn’t exactly confront himself about his feelings. 

With you by his side, Jungwon feels like an Olympic gold medalist already. 

SEVENTEEN. olympic ice

The free skate rolls around faster than Jungwon thought.

But he thinks that he’s prepared. He’ll give it his all tonight. He doesn’t even think about the upcoming decision he has to make about his career – he personally believes that the idea that he could possibly win Olympic gold feels a little more important than that.

He knows you’re in the crowd, watching him. It gives him an extra boost of confidence. Jungwon doesn’t realise this until now, but he seems to skate better when you’re in the audience. Perhaps you’re his lucky charm. 

He’s last to skate, being first in the short program. Jungwon’s fully focused during the couple minutes of warm up, jumping a triple axel that he manages to land well, and a quad toe that he finds is a little shaky on the landing, but he’ll try and land it cleanly in the actual program.

Over the speaker, it’s announced that the warmup time is over. Jungwon and some of the other skaters leave the ice, and the first person skating in the group starts his program. 

Whilst the other skater performs, Jungwon runs through his entire program in his head. He can’t let the pressure get to him – he knows he’ll do worse. He reminds himself to have fun. He’ll be skating on Olympic ice for possibly the last time ever, so he knows that he’ll have to make this count. 

Your words ring in his head as he waits for the skaters before him to finish performing their programs. Skating is something that is meant to be enjoyed with the audience. 

Jungwon decides that he will enjoy every minute and every second of it. 

Irene gives him a thumbs up before he skates out to the centre of the rink. “You’ve got this, Jungwon. Stay focused, stay calm.” she tells him, and Jungwon nods. 

“You go kill it out there.” she says, smiling at him.

Jungwon skates off, and Irene just has the proudest look on her face. She knows that this could very well be the last competitive skate of Jungwon’s life. No matter the result, she would be proud – Yang Jungwon has accomplished so much in his career at the age of 22. 

“Last to skate: Yang Jungwon, of South Korea!” 

The crowd erupts into cheers and applause, Jungwon raising his arms above his head. He lets them fall back down by his sides, doing a couple twizzles around the rink before skating into the centre.

He gets into his starting position, and the music starts. 

He’s done this program tons and tons of times before. He knows exactly what to do at the exact second, twirling across the ice gracefully. First, is the quad lutz. 

You hold your breath in anticipation as he sets up the jump, taking off – and he lands it. 

With one jump, Jungwon makes the crowd go absolutely crazy. Their shouts die down soon after, allowing Jungwon to listen to the music so he knows when and what he needs to do next. 

He successfully lands more jumps, including a quad salchow-quad toe loop combo that he’s able to land flawlessly. Everything is going well, Jungwon thinks. 

As he skates beautiful transitions on the ice, you catch his eye. You’re gazing right at him with the softest look on your face, and Jungwon thinks his heart might melt. You nod at him, as a way to tell him that he’s doing great.

Jungwon doesn’t know why, he doesn’t know how, but in the middle of his Olympic free skate, he feels more compelled to confess his feelings for you than ever. 

He knows that he just has to tell you. 

When he realised he liked you, he decided that he had to wait for the right time to confess. He didn’t exactly know when the right time would be, or if he would ever even find the right time. He also certainly didn’t expect it to be right in the middle of his free skate.

But everything is crystal clear. Jungwon knows it’s the right time, and he can’t exactly shout out that he loves you when he’s currently preparing to jump a triple axel, but he knows the second he’s able to, he will. 

It’s as if time slows, and you’re the only one in the audience. Jungwon only sees you. You two are just in your little bubble – just you, him, and the ice. 

Jungwon skates with so much power, and so much emotion, trying to express every word he wants to say to you, but with his skating. The crowd’s cheers get louder every time Jungwon lands a jump, and it only gives Jungwon motivation to keep getting better and better. 

Olympic gold is so close. If he just reached up and grabbed it, the shining gold plaque would be right in his hands – and Jungwon knows that he cannot let that slip away between his fingers. His whole life has led up to this moment. Falling in love with the ice, then finding that he had let himself hate it, and then trying to ignite that love and passion he had for skating once more. All of this, allowed for him to skate the cleanest program he’s ever skated at the world’s biggest stage for figure skating. 

The music ends, and the crowd erupts with cheers. Jungwon stands there, shocked and still in his ending position. He feels like he can’t move. 

He can’t believe it. 

Did he just win Olympic gold? 

Countless cat plushies fall onto the ice around him as Jungwon just bursts into tears. Irene’s crying as well, tears of joy streaming down on her face as she claps. Jungwon tries to spot you in the crowd, and when he does, he sees you jumping up and down excitedly with Jiwon, and you just look so incredibly happy for him. 

After the toughest years of his career, fighting to try and keep going in a sport he loved no longer, Jungwon is finally able to love figure skating again, and he might have just won Olympic gold in the process. 

He’s still in shock when he leaves the rink, and Irene pulls him into the tightest hug she’s ever given him, as Jungwon cries into her shoulder. “You did it.” she says.

“I did it.” he says – he can’t even believe the words he just said. He heads to the Kiss and Cry with Irene, pulling out tissues from his tissue box nonstop to wipe his tears away. 

Jungwon waits in the Kiss and Cry for his scores – he knows that he’s won. He just needs the scores to confirm it. 

And sure enough, mere minutes later, Yang Jungwon is announced as the 2026 men’s Olympic figure skating champion.

Jungwon can’t stop crying. Tears just keep falling down his cheeks as he bows to everyone. He can’t even use the word joy to describe what he’s feeling. He never thought he could feel this happy after winning a competition. 

If you told Jungwon months ago that he’d be crying tears of joy after winning a competition, he most certainly wouldn’t have believed you. 

The venue ceremony is soon. So soon to the point where Jungwon isn’t even able to come up to you and tell you how he feels. He’ll do it as soon as the ceremony is over. 

As Jungwon steps onto the highest block on the podium, he’s still in disbelief. It isn’t until the medal actually gets hung around his neck, and he touches the shiny golden plaque. He’s not just Olympian Yang Jungwon. He’s not just 2025 World champion Yang Jungwon. He’s not just 6 time National champion Yang Jungwon. 

Now, he’s also Olympic champion Yang Jungwon. 

Falling back in love with skating was hard. Sometimes he felt like simply just giving up was the easier option – but now with the Olympic gold medal right in his hands, Jungwon knows that pushing through it was the right thing to do. He’s never been more sure of that. 

Jungwon has also never been more sure about the fact that he loves you, and he desperately needs to tell you. As soon as the venue ceremony is over, Jungwon rushes out of the rink, quickly changing from his skates to his regular training shoes – he doesn’t even bother to change out of his free skate costume. 

He finds you standing outside of his changing room, and before you can say anything, he wraps you in the tightest hug ever. He holds you like you’re oxygen, and he’s struggling to breathe. 

When he pulls away from the hug, with the gold medal dangling around his neck, he grasps ahold of your hands. “Jungwon, you did it.” you say, tears welling in your eyes. 

“I have to tell you something.” he murmurs. He opens the door of his changing room, pulling you in with him as he shuts the door. “What is it?” you ask.

“I love you.” 

Your eyes widen. 

“I have never, ever known what it’s like to love someone. Even figuring out that I liked you was so hard – because I knew that I felt differently when I was around you, but I couldn’t exactly pinpoint it on what it was. Then, I was told I had a crush on you. I liked you. And that seemed right. Liking you seemed right.” he says, as you let his words sink in. “I was going to wait until I found the right time to tell you that I liked you. But two days ago, I realised that my feelings towards you seem to be more than like. Love. Yes. I love you.” he says, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Saying it sounds right. Saying it now feels right. And I don’t know if you would feel the same way – but I just saw you in the crowd as I was skating today, and I just knew I had to tell you.” 

Jungwon can’t exactly read your reaction until you pull him into a hug. 

“I love you too.” you say.

Jungwon feels like he’s on top of the world. Four simple words managed to make him even happier than he already was after winning the Olympics – he feels like his heart is about to burst at the seams, and he can’t hide the bright grin on his lips. 

“That’s… that’s nice. I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same,” Jungwon confesses, and you frown, cupping his cheeks as you wipe his tears away with the pad of your thumb. “Why wouldn’t I feel the same way, Jungwon?”

“I don’t know.”

You smile softly at him. “I realised that I liked you after we went to the ramen shop that Harua had suggested to us.” 

“You realised earlier than me, then.” Jungwon chuckles. 

“I guess so.”

Jungwon can’t believe he only just realised the close proximity between your faces. Your gaze travels to his lips, before you look back up at his eyes. “Can I kiss you?” you whisper. 

“Yeah,” Jungwon whispers back.

You lean in, connecting your lips with his, and warmth just blooms across Jungwon’s chest, his cheeks, and all the way to the tip of his ears. He can taste the mint flavoured lip balm that he always sees you put on, and it’s only when you pull away that Jungwon realises that it was his first kiss. 

You smile at him brightly, and Jungwon mirrors the expression on your face. It’s hard not to smile when he sees you – you just make him so incredibly happy. Jungwon knows that you make him happier than any Olympic gold ever would. 

The sweet moment is cut short when Jungwon’s whisked away to the press conference, and you tell him that you’ll be seated in the crowd to watch. He gives you a chaste kiss on the cheek before running off, his cheeks tinted bright red as you chuckle at his reaction. 

“How do you feel after a wildly successful season like this, Jungwon?” a reporter asks, and Jungwon thinks about what is the best way to answer his question. 

“This was… a tough season for me mentally.” he says into the microphone. “In all honesty, I fell out of love with figure skating quite some time ago. Going into this season, I was certain that I was going to retire after the Olympics.” 

Every single person in the room looks at him with wide eyes. 

“But, during the off season, I was lucky enough to meet someone who helped me start enjoying it again.” he says, looking directly at you. “They taught me that above all, I should be enjoying myself while I skate, instead of focusing on the pressures to win and do well.” 

“I don’t think I expected to do as well as I did all season,” Jungwon says earnestly. “But I realised that the more I enjoyed skating, the better I did. I think coming into the Olympics, I just tried to focus on having fun and showing the audience my best. Because of this, I think that’s why I was able to do well.” 

“So will this be your last competition?” 

Jungwon presses his lips together in a thin line, as if he’s still unsure about what decision he’s going to make. But when he locks eyes with you, it’s like everything clicks into place. He knows what he wants. He wants to skate. 

“It’s not my last competition,” he says. “I’m going to keep competing. At least for a little while longer. I realised that I can’t exactly let go of the ice this soon when I’ve just started loving it again.”

As he says that into the microphone, Jungwon knows that it’s the right call. There’s a proud smile on your lips, and Jungwon returns the gesture.   

The ice finally feels like home once more. But, Jungwon also realises that home is also wherever you are. 

[genericpuff]

LO Art Analysis (or: A Real Example of Why You Shouldn't Use Multiply for Everything)

I've obviously been spending a lot of time recreating LO art and in that time, I think I've really cracked open some of modern LO's problems with its art. This is a lengthy post so turn on some lo-fi, grab some popcorn and strap in.

One thing in particular that I'm very eager to talk about (and go off about) is Rachel's use of color language and shading.

THERE WILL BE BRIEF FASTPASS PANELS AHEAD IN THIS ANALYSIS. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

One of the key things that most people seem to agree on when it comes to LO's current art quality is the lack of color language. Back in S1, we had colors that seemed to jump off the page, with gorgeous rendering that created panels that were vast and beautiful to take in. It didn't matter if the anatomy was wonky or if the backgrounds were translated directly from Google Sketchup, the color and compositions made up for its flaws and created unique vignettes that individually contributed to what we found so special about LO back in those days.

That last one especially is still hands-down one of the most well-known and influential LO panels out of the entire series. Many a phone background its graced (my own included, I've literally had this as my phone background for like 3 years now) and it serves as a beautiful standalone example of the mood and emotions LO used to convey. You don't need to know the context of the scene, you don't need to know the characters, the mere posing and color choice alone is enough to invoke a reaction from the viewer. It doesn't even have a lot of shading or final rendering, the composition and texturing is all it needs.

So why does a simple panel like that work, but panels like these don't?

I have such beef with this panel because it does the complete opposite of what the famous Tower 4 panel achieves - it puts on full display everything wrong with LO's current art style, from its character posing to its color language aaaall the way to its final rendering.

First off, the character posing and framing. I finally figured out what RS' male characters have been suffering from lately, and it's a phenomenon that I'm sure many of you will be able to recognize right away.

Seth Macfarlane Syndrome.

You might not watch Family Guy, you might not watch American Dad, or the Cleveland Show, but you'll know exactly what I mean when I talk about Seth MacFarlane Syndrome. It's the stiffness, the lack of movement or bend in joints, the boring posing of characters standing with their arms flatly at their sides and their entire body facing the same direction, eyes unblinking - and when they speak, heads slightly tilting, mouths always being conformed to the same default shapes, while the arms do something random and unrelated to create the illusion of natural movement.

This has been an issue in LO for a while now, incredibly flat posing that lacks any sort of dynamic curvature to it, but it's best exemplified by that Ares panel above because holy shit does he ever look like Stan Smith in it. Boxy shoulders with arms that appear to be WAY too short hanging off the side, elbows flattened, hands straightened out, no natural shaping whatsoever.

But that's not the crux of the issue I want to touch on today.

No, the worst offense of this panel is that it indirectly proves what I've been suspicious of for a while now.

To explain real quick for context, there's this thing in digital art called Blend Modes. It's essentially a basic function in digital art that allows you to change the properties of layers for the purpose of shading, rendering, whatever have you. Most of these Blend Modes are the same across all digital art programs, things like Multiply, Screen, Color Dodge, etc. are all fairly basic tools in the digital artist's toolkit but all have an INCREDIBLY high ceiling of mastery - meaning, blend modes are easy to use on a basic level, but require a lot of skill and understanding of color language to utilize to their full potential. Using them right can transform a passable piece of work into a great one - on the flipside, using them wrong can take a passable piece of work and piss all over it.

The one I want to focus on in this post is Multiply. I use this blend mode myself quite often, it basically 'multiplies' the properties of the layers below it, taking whatever colors are below and 'doubling' them to create darker tones. This makes it a go-to for shading.

But the issue with Multiply is that it often ends up being used when it's not supposed to be. Or rather, people starting out will often use it as a substitute for shading when you'd be better off using your own hand-picked colors. I've got characters with skin tones that I can shade with the same color set to Multiply, zero issues, because the base tone is one that doubles well, it creates a nice rich tone on top that's perfect for shading.

But do you know the one color that DOESN'T multiply well?

Yellow.

Yellow is NOT a color you can just multiply, not without the final result looking flat and almost putrid. Most people will thus recommend you shade yellow with other colors along the same side of the color wheel, including oranges and reds. This is precisely why knowing color theory is such an important skill even in digital art, because using Blend Modes improperly can create flat tones that can ruin a final composition.

Going back to that Ares panel...

Again, I've had this suspicion for a while, especially when looking at panels of Persephone (*pink is ALSO a color that doesn't multiply well)

So I put it to the test. I took the original panel, sampled the yellow, and overlaid it with Multiply to see what I'd get.

Fam.

That putrid deep yellow that I mixed above is literally NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS WITH WHAT I EYEDROPPED FROM THE PANEL. Copy and paste that and eyedrop it yourself if you want to see it with your own eyes. It's pretty obvious she did the same thing with Hera as well, you can tell her skin tone has been set to multiply and repainted with the same color, same as with her jacket.

They are using Multiply layers for everything as the default. This is not how Multiply is intended to be used - it's lazy shortcutting that's resulting in flat, boring, ugly compositions.

RS has stated herself that she 'changed' how LO is drawn to help 'streamline' the process for her assistants. This isn't streamlining. This is cutting corners.

Streamlining would be having color palettes to refer to during the coloring and shading process. I use them myself for characters that I CAN'T multiply-shade, I literally have characters whose skin tones are too light and yellow-toned for it - using Multiply would wash out their tones and make them look flat and sickly so I have to use a separate color from a different part of the color wheel to shade them (usually a darker tone of red/orange).

Rachel, babe, this isn't streamlining, this is just taking shortcuts to the point of sabotaging your own work. You can't sit there and tell me THAT looks good and is worth the 'streamlining' when panels like THESE used to exist:

Turn off the Multiply layers and color your characters for once, please, I'm begging you. This is such a rookie move for someone who claims to be a professional (and regularly brags about the awards she's won); not to mention a tragic fall from grace because we know Rachel can and has produced better work than this in the past. She knows color language, she knows how to paint, so why is she resorting to shortcuts like this? She has an entire team of people and yet she's still consistently behind enough in her buffer - or just doesn't care enough anymore - that she's resorting to lazy amateur tactics like using Multiply for everything.

And on the off chance that she ever sees this, Rachel, it's not even that hard to use proper colors. You've done it before, you should already have the color palettes available to you.

(P.S. One handy-dandy experiment to tell if your Multiply layers are failing you is the desaturation test. You'll notice that drawings being made primarily with Multiply layers will look a lot 'flatter' when desaturated, because the shading is just the same color on top of itself and 'doubled', there isn't any actual value or depth in the shading itself. These are the exact same panels I showed before, RS' on the left and mine on the right, they've just been desaturated to show the difference that proper color choice can make when defining values and tones in shading!)

[jasonscaramel]

i guess only the stars would know the truth - chapter one - jason todd x reader

series summary: there's something going on in gotham. you transfer into gotham university's journalism program. simultaneously, people are going missing in gotham at record rates. it's only a matter of time before your curiosity gets the best of you.

words: 1.8k

cross-posted on ao3 | series masterlist

Gotham is a welcome change in scenery from your small town in the south.

Sure, it rains nearly every day, and there’s the fact that there are supervillains that terrorize the city like clockwork. But having never lived in a big city before, it has a certain charm you don’t see yourself getting over any time soon. Everything is open late, the streets never seem to quiet down… it’s been eye-opening, to say the least.

You moved here more for the convenience, so it’s only a plus that you enjoy city life too. Gotham University is home to one of the best journalism professors—and in turn, programs—in the country. With affordable tuition, and the cost of living in Gotham being nearly pennies on the dollar, it was a no-brainer to transfer here.

So here you are. Making your way through the winding, labyrinthian halls, you wonder if you’re ever going to get used to how large this place is compared to your old… everything. A small community college on the outskirts of an even smaller town has nothing on the pure expansiveness of Gotham University, and in turn, Gotham City.

The first class to start off the semester is Marketing. You have a hard time putting together how it’ll help you in journalism, but maybe it will be more helpful than you think. By the time you arrive, the class is already sparsely populated, so you find a spot with the most amount of empty chairs and begin to unpack your things.

As you’re logging into your computer, a bag slams on the table beside you, making you jump.

“Sorry! I forgot how heavy those books are.” You look up to see a man, probably about your age, smiling down at you in an apology. “I’m Tim. Mind if I sit here?”

You shake your head with a smile, “Of course not. It’s about time to make friends.” You give him your name as he sits down, and he gives you a smile of his own.

“Oh, are you new here?”

“Yeah, I just transferred. The journalism program is incredible.”

Tim smiles in agreement, but it seems a bit facetious. “Sorry, it’s just—I’m not used to people moving to Gotham. You are… aware of everything, right?”

You snort. “The pros outweighed the cons. Can’t exactly do much journalism work when all there is to report on is cattle.” You flash him a smile that he returns easily.

“You know, that would make sense—”

Tim was cut off by the professor beginning his lecture. The first day is always a bunch of syllabus talk, so you only half pay attention while looking through the Gotham Gazette website. You bookmark a couple of the articles you find, especially the ones that say MISSING PERSONS. Why is there so many?

The professor is kind enough to release the class 15 minutes early. It feels like the universe blessing you because you have no idea where to go for your next class, and you’re sure with the small amount of time in between the classes, you’d get lost and be late. Your old college was barely half the size of this place—you wonder if you’ll ever be confident in navigating it.

“You have any other classes after this?” Tim asks as you both pack up your belongings, and you nod. “I don’t, so if you need help navigating…?”

“Oh, Tim, you’re my hero. Thank you.” You throw your bag over your shoulder and follow him out of the classroom, having to walk a bit quicker to keep up with his strides. “I was honestly worried even with the extra time that I’d be late.”

He gives you that same kind, tired smile. “Don’t worry about it. Where are we headed?”

After you tell him the room number, Tim leads you up a few flights of stairs before leading you to a classroom door. You go to thank him, but you’re cut off by someone yelling his name. It’s a man, Tim’s age, running up to him and encircling him in a hug.

“Hi, babe. New friend?” You smile back at the man, finding it adorable how Tim’s hands immediately cover the other man’s. Tim introduces you and tells you that this is his boyfriend, Bernard.

“It’s their first day, they transferred here.”

“Oh, that’s awesome! We’re happy to have you.” Bernard finally unwraps himself from around Tim to stand at his full height. “If you ever need anything, just let us know.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it. See you Wednesday, Tim!”

“See you then!”

Your next class was more of the same, though you could already tell you wouldn’t have the same ease of social interaction here. Everyone seems to already know everyone else, groups of women in twos and threes with the occasional bro sprinkled in here and there. It’s a surprisingly small class, and thankfully your lack of bravery is also met with no one sitting beside you, so you don’t have to try and make conversation.

It doesn’t help that you can tell that you’re a few years older than everyone else in this classroom. Normally, it doesn’t bother you, but you’re not so sure this group will be as easy to crack as Tim was.

By the time both of your classes are over, you’re exhausted. It’s only 6 p.m., but with the constant rain and gloomy skies, combined with the hours of lecture you just sat through, you could probably go to bed and sleep through the night.

Before sleep, though, you need food. And instead of trekking through the pouring rain, you opt for the dining hall. You’re not expecting anything gourmet, but you do have some free dining dollars to spend, so it all evens out. As you make your way to the dining hall you keep your eyes out for Tim and Bernard, but you don’t see them anywhere. Just another endless sea of faces you don’t recognize.

It’s fine, really. You’ve got headphones and YouTube, so you’ll just have to be an iPad kid for today. Totally fine, and really not anything you aren’t used to. You set up shop in the corner, nibbling on an over-priced, over-greased piece of pizza you had to wait nearly thirty minutes on while you watch another reaction to another Cut video.

The walk home to your apartment isn’t the romanticized walk through the city that you’re used to seeing in the movies. It’s wet, despite the umbrella and the waterproof boots, and it’s really dark for the time of day. Regardless, it gives you time to think. First about taking the subway next time, and then about Tim and Bernard. You wonder if they were just being nice, pitying the new kid on their first day—or if you could actually be their friend. You hope for the latter. Making friends had never been an easy feat for you, and while you didn’t know much about either of them, you had a good feeling.

Which was immediately eclipsed by a very, very bad feeling as you watched a shadowed figure run across the rooftops of the buildings next to you.

Sure, you were fully aware that the shadowed figure you see is probably running toward the danger instead of going to cause it, but the threat of danger at all gives you pause. You knew what you were getting into coming here. The Joker, TwoFace… Gotham is nothing like where you’re from, and despite knowing that, it doesn’t make the reality any easier to digest.

Especially when you see what you’re pretty sure is Batman and Robin following not too far behind the first shadowed figure. Headed in the direction of your apartment.

Cool. Well, you had to have your vigilante v-card punched at some point, right? Might as well be your first night here.

You pick up your pace a bit since your building is within sight. It sure doesn’t sound like the fight is anywhere near your apartment, so you feel a bit safer as you scan your key and enter the building. The hallways are more reminiscent of a doctor’s office than an apartment building—sterile in places that should be homey, clinical in only a way someone so detached from living this way could create. You wonder if it's Bruce Wayne’s fault or Lex Luthor’s.

It’s not like your actual apartment is much better. There are the beginnings of a warm, inviting space here, but without the proper time and funds, it’s more sparse than anything else. The living room consists of a TV on an old side table and a couch sitting across from it, but you’re more than happy to plop onto the lumpy thing and click on the TV.

The gorgeous news anchor speaks, her voice melodic despite the situation at hand. “This is the fourth disappearance in Gotham in the past two weeks.” You sit up straighter at that, turning the volume up a few notches. The screen changes from the news anchor’s face to a graphic of the four missing people.

MISSING:

CRYSTAL JORDAN - 25

JAMES HEATH - 64

HOPE LEIGH - 32

HARLAN MAXTON - 43

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT GCPD.

Huh. Four people have gone missing, and they don’t seem to have anything in common. You skim each missing poster: grad student, grandfather, stay-at-home mom, businessman. You’re no criminal justice major, but that’s not typical… is it? It’s not like that many people went missing back home, but you’re sure this is odd.

“We have been told to urge the public to be cautious. Each of the missing persons was taken from a different area of Gotham, so there isn’t one place to look out for. If you see anything suspicious—”

You turn off the TV, but your mind just won’t follow suit. Four people in two weeks. That must be high, even for Gotham’s standards. You pull your laptop from your bag, determined to find more information. Google doesn’t give you much other than the locations these people were taken from, and statements from their families, but you save them into a folder on your desktop regardless.

You keep scrolling, desperate to find something. A way to keep yourself safe, or a way to dig deeper into this, you weren’t sure. You land on a photo of Crystal, gazing perfectly into the lens of the camera—only a little older than you, wearing a Gotham University hoodie. You can’t help but see yourself in her; you can’t help but see everyone you saw today in her.

As you slam your laptop closed, you pray to whatever god is out there that those four people come home safe. That it’s some stupid Joker stunt to catch Batman’s attention, and they’ll be returned to their families.

Deep down, though, as you settle into your bed, nesting into your covers, you feel a sickening feeling in your bones that only feels like dread.

[aspd-culture]

aspd and adhd(/possible autism) culture is realizing only once you're out of high school "ohhhhhhh wait, so i thought i wasn't abused growing up, but actually i was and it only stopped due to covid, and that resulted in my osdd system and aspd?"

buckle up, this is Long and definitely classifies as a Vent. honestly, you can ignore the middle section and jump to the next blank line of space if you want.

jesus christ. i was punished more harshly than my peers, i struggled to make friends, i was put into a little school program where board games were used to reinforce good behavior in problem kids which i only realized two months ago, my memory issues (which were always there, but only noticed in fifth grade) got me into so much shit with every authority figure ever, i broke a window using one of those mechanical hamster things that were popular at the time by accident but i didn't care at all, that's just scratching the surface

memories of things have been coming back to me lately. according to my mom i was such a nice little kid, always shared and was polite and highly empathetic, all the goods.

school came along, flipped everything on its head. i remember harassing and hurting animals, and people, and sometimes telling those people not to tell—not because i felt bad but because i didn't want to get into trouble again, it was an inconvenience. my home life was pretty good but other kids left me out of things a lot and sometimes called me names, even the neighbors' kids i liked to hang out with would make me the monster of their games and that does something to a kid (one of them is also the reason i'm a victim of cocsa). when i did something wrong or bad there was only punishment because i "should know not to do that" and so i had to teach myself how to be a functioning and good member of society. i got good at lying towards the end of third grade, the skill got better from there with every punishment i faced

when a former friend told me "hey, you have aspd traits/might have aspd" i went and found the checklist, because thorough research is how i work, went through it. at the time i didn't think it fit very well because "yes, i experience that but that's pretty normal for people, i learned how to manage it under several layers of creating a socially acceptable person just like everyone else"

i've gone back to it a couple times since and wow, surprise surprise, everything applies! the "this doesn't apply to me because i have a system to help with this thing" mindset means the thing still applies! there's some stuff, namely the destruction and truancy, that i didn't do but that's solely because i knew i couldn't get away with it and therefore didn't bother trying. so thanks to aaaaaaall that stuff and more, i definitely grew up with both conduct disorder and odd, and now it's aspd

i can't say i'm mad about having aspd? it causes problems in my life, yes, but i've spent so long wrangling myself into a form small enough to fit into society's box that it's not the worst thing anymore. i think i'm more mad at society, my peers, for not helping me with this and being kind where they should've, especially my mom as of recently

that said: it is fucking hard-wired into me that there's only good people and bad people in the world. harmful behavior towards me (or someone else doing something i can't forgive) is automatically met with hammurabi's eye for an eye. the coping mechanisms i use work very well, are generally healthy, and people who don't do anything to calm themselves down and think rationally tend to piss me off. i have been fighting those things for a while but they're the ones that simply won't go away. hamburger help me.

aspd-culture-is

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

Plain text below the cut:

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

[misslavenderlady]

My Baby Bats 💜🦇

This post is in honor of @hypocriticaltypwriter and her own baby bats. This part is about The Lost Boys themselves. There will be a part two with Michael and Star!

So some of you know I love the Sims 4. Back in 2022 I made The Lost Boys in the game because ya girl is obsessed. I also made:

The Emersons

Star and Laddie

Max

Thorn and Nanook

The Frog Brothers

The cave

Grandpa's House

The comic book store

The boardwalk

And....I just so happened to put myself in the game with them. There was no official "story" at first. I just wanted to smooch my boys so bad, and seeing as I don't have any digital art programs (I used to draw but I'm sooooo rusty), the Sims was the perfect way to go about it. 🥰

My sim self had a daughter with each of the boys (because I too wanted to have a gang of Lost Girls lol). I named each girl after the actor their fathers play.

Pictures and story below~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David's Daughter - Kira (the closest I could get to Kiefer)

She admires her father more than anything in the world. She wants to be a good leader and an even better protector of her sisters. Kira never backs down from a fight, often having moments in childhood where she beat up bullies that were harassing her sisters. But she doesn't use her brawn though. She's as smart as a whip, using patience and strategy to navigate life. Always studying her surroundings and knowing what to say or do for her next step. She's a mysterious girl and never reveals what she's thinking or feeling. As far as Kira is concerned, she needs to be on her guard should something happen to her father and she needs to take over as head vampire. That being said, she's very sensitive deep down, and is incredibly close to her parents, never wanting to be away from them for too long. The anxiety overwhelms her. David worries about the pressure she puts on herself.

Dwayne's Daughter - Billie

Billie is a gentle and kind girl. She's quite shy, often keeping to herself whenever she's around someone outside of the family. As a little girl, she would often hide behind her father, too scared to even say hi to new people. Dwayne was incredibly patient with her, and eventually found a way for her to socialize without getting out of her comfort zone. He introduced her to animals and wildlife in the Santa Carla mountains, showing her the hidden beauties of the world. She loves animals so much, and likes to spend time caring for stray cats and dogs she sees on the streets. Billie also inherited her mother's love of writing, and enjoys poetry most. It helps her navigate life and the feelings she has.

Marko's Daughter - Alex

A little artist like her father, Alex has an eye for the most fascinating curiosities around her. She's a jack of all trades, enjoying everything from photography, to sketching, to painting, to jewelry making. She has so many ideas, and her dad is more than happy to support her vision. She's also a little troublemaker like Marko, often going out to spray graffiti on the walls of various Santa Carla buildings. She's not afraid of causing some mischief if it means expressing herself. Alex also has a fondness of spooky stuff. She has a crystal ball, a collection of candles, tarot cards, and has a planchet earring that she uses whenever she wants to break out the ouija board. She's loves playing fun, witchy games with her sisters during sleepovers. Stuff like Bloody Mary and Light as a Feather, Stuff as a board.

Paul's Daughter - Brooke

Oh she's definitely her father's daughter. Brooke is a little wild child, always eager for an adventure. She's got plenty of energy to burn, dancing and running and jumping off furniture. She loves to stay up late and play video games or have dance parties with her sisters. Above all, her biggest passion is music. Growing up she listened to her father play guitar a lot, and immediately got inspired. He was more than happy to teach her, and ever since then, she's had a dream of becoming a rock star. She's got the energy and the beautiful singing voice for it after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some pics of the baby bats:

I'm gonna reblog this post with more baby bat pics from when the girls were little. Stay tuned!

[elviola]

When the clock rewinds, would you choose me?

Jake Sully x Reader

TIME: Set after the Avatar (2009) film.

PLOT: Formerly Intern from RDA, now a specialist in the reopened avatar program of Dr. Grace Augustine, you see the man–turned Na'vi, that was once almost yours.

NOTE: NOT PROOFREAD!!! i just wanted to write what i wanted to read so sorry in advance !!TT

part 2!!!

PRESENT:

YOU ALMOST FEEL DEAD, the cup of coffee in your hand wasn't halfway drunk and you want to vomit on your work papers. Stacks of written reports surround you and the illuminating lights do not help with your drumming migraine in your head. Ever since you've arrived in Pandora, messy memories are what keeps you away from being sane. You've never expected to come back, after the war and Colonel Quaritch destroying the beautiful home of the Na'vi, you were certain that your body will be decaying on the earth that was once loved for. So when an envelope slipped through your broken door at your depressing apartment. You took the opportunity. "Anywhere but on Earth." you thought out of desperation, forgetting someone particular on the planet.

Awoken by a staff member from cryosleep, you're nearing Pandora's atmosphere. You remember the first time you ever did, amazed by even the little things you can see from the ship. You were even more amazed when you step foot on the ground, at the compounds when you noticed arrows at a certain dump truck's wheel. You looked around and saw many trucks, coming back with dirt, and pieces of floral. At that moment, you were innocent. Only wanting the good money the job application stated but little did you know, you would create history.

As soon as you step down, you went straight for the building. Wanting—needing to see your avatar form again, since you left years ago. Memories and adventures were done in that Avatar, an almost new life lived. Dr. Grace Augustine was a truly astounding scientist. She was an inspiration to all and you. You go inside the lab and spot Max. "Long time no see!!" You yell and Max jumps out of surprise, "_____!! It's been years! Didn't think you would come back!" He replies as you pull him in a hug. "I know, I just had to with the opportunity given to me. Where's Norm?" He points to the door where the old Avatars used to rest at. You look at him anxiously, striding to the door as you noticed new equipment in the lab. Yet dust remained on the untouched ones, where Grace used for research. As you push the door open, Norm is found sitting infront of the tubes. Taking a closer look, he was staring at your Avatar with an unrecognizable expression. "Hi Norm," You whisper, seeming like a private moment you disrupted. His shoulders shake upwards and whips his head towards you. Responding with a smile, he stands up to hug you. "_______, hi. How are you? I thought you wouldn't come," You're the first one to pull back, "Were you the one to suggest me? I recall last time, you were the last one to even mention my name at missions." Norm rolls his eyes, "That was 5 years ago."

PAST:

ONE:

You were late to the meeting Colonel Quaritch had set, other soldiers giving you the side eye. You were assigned to his team after splitting the interns to two groups. Though you begged Parker Selfridge to put you to Dr. Grace's instead, you ended up in the harsh skinned group. Quaritch kept explaining the tasks until he gazed out at the back, some guy in a wheelchair. The other soldiers gave him an even meaner stare, you rounded the table and sat beside him. "Hey. Pretty cool planet, huh?" He looks to me and chuckles, "It's a weird one too. You've seen the arrows?" You nod in response, "Where'd you think they've come from, aliens?" Before he could reply, Quaritch dismisses the meeting. The man you were talking to gone. And you didn't even get his name.

.

.

"Hey, ______! How's it going with the camera for the video logs?" a husky voice said behind you, as you position the said camera to a good angle. Jake rolls up beside, checking out your work. "It's good, you probably hit it out of exhaustion one time." you reply as his face becomes a satirical hurt one. "What? I care for the technology here, as I know they are veeeery expensive. You're lying," Both of you bicker for a while about it back and forth 'til you were called out of the room. You exit with a smile on your face.

.

.

You sit on a seat at the cafeteria, it was break time, and all you could think was to eat. Put anything in your mouth if you will. You pick up your spoon when arguments come crashing into the entrance, other employees turning their heads to see. It was Grace and Jake. Obviously. Something about Na'vi language. Something that Jake doesn't know about. Grace dismisses him, says he should move on about it instead. His face falls at the reply but lightens up when he sees you. "Damn marine, you keep messing up huh?" you ask while scooping yogurt from your tray, "Well it's not my fault you're not helping me." he replies as he snatches the cup from your hands. You look at him at shock, "Give it back or I'll steal your wheelchair!"

.

.

You wouldn't want to admit Jake has been good company, the other soldiers disagreeing with your say. He's been the least grumpiest in the squad brought on Pandora, so you're at least grateful for that. Dr. Grace showed him the Avatar, him taking his twin's place. You were amazed, how they made it possible, you didn't know but you also didn't know that you had one too. "______, yours is on the far right. You saw how to link with it so I'll leave you to it," Jake nudges your hand, "Guess I won't be alone then."

You try not to blush at his words.

TWO:

It was Jake's first day to try out his avatar, and yours. You were worried since he didn't have enough knowledge about it, nor he knew what was outside of the compound. Grace scolding him multiple times and Norm shaking his head in disbelief out of Jake's silly nature. You were laughing everytime you see the same scene. As he entered the pod, you quickly went to yours as well. Laying down and adjusting your hair to not get it stuck when it closed, Grace approached you, "Everything good?" You answered with a thumbs up as the door shut, all you remember was opening your eyes due to the bright light. Pointed ears roaming around to where sound resonated and tail swishing out of attention. You sit up to see Jake smiling to you, very blue, as he stands up and runs off.

.

After Jake practiced a few times to navigate in his avatar, (because of him running out of the lab out of nowhere) you, Grace, and Norm went out on a mission. Getting samples for the research the scientists need and you helping them along the way. Jake as a form of protection, Grace argued they didn't need him but persuading them was easy for you.

"I miss this on Earth." You speak out as you follow the science duo with Jake, he looks over to you. Sees your eyes shining with awe as you ogle around the plants, the trees, and to him. "Ours was beautiful too." His hand finding yours to hold, butterflies filling your stomach.

THE CRISIS:

He's lost. Jake is lost and you're with the duo, panting and sweating throughout your body. A Thanator was running after us, Jake getting its attention before. You're worried and you're shaking to find him. Especially that he knows nothing about the forest, so you look back at Grace and Norm, and slowly walk away to find him. A hand hooks your wrist and you knew they wouldn't let you. "He might get himself hurt or even worse—killed? Who cares if it's dark when we got someone out in the wild?" You reason, "He'll survive one night, ______. Trust me." Norm replies as you stand under the big green leaves and the starry bright background. Your shadow casting over with the little light providing to it, the stars opposite to the feeling of dread. Sighing, you decide to trust their word. Walking back to the helicopter.

THE RESOLUTION:

Jake says he would stay with the Omatikaya clan. He explains he had met the olo'eyktan's daughter. Grace approves, Norm is bitter, and you're happy that he's safe. A chance for him to learn about the Na'vi. Everytime he discharges from the pod, he tells you all about the village and you can't help but smile big at his stories. About Tsu'tey and soon-to-be mate, Neytiri. How the Omatikaya people treat him and how the forest is beautiful at a deeper look.

(YOUR) THE PROBLEM:

You don't see much of him anymore. You catch glimpses of him inside, recording a videolog after his journey in the forest. He's getting thinner, he doesn't meet with you at the cafeteria anymore. Feeling down when you wait minutes that turn hours for him to eat beside you, joking about your platter, and still, he doesn't arrive. Leaving you with an empty stomach. He rarely talks to you, and trying you do. When he's out of the pod, you ask him questions but all he does is quickly wheel to the camera to record a video log. Jake greets you yet his expression of a 'happy to see you' is nowhere to be found as he did before. He goes back into the pod without a single other word sent your way. Your heart slowly wearing out off your sleeve, you miss your talks, you miss the laughs, and you miss him.

THE CLIMAX:

The RDA is finally destrotying the Home Tree and the People of the Omatikaya clan freak out, you panic, telling them that they should leave and prepare when Jake and Neytiri come back.

They celebrated the night before, the ceremony of Jake becoming one of them. You're excited to see him, ton congratulate him about his long way of learning and accepting them. Tsu'tey arriving to see the ruinage of a forest the Humans brought and was to discuss about future plans. When Jake and Neytiri come back together, Tsu'tey eyed them suspiciously, "You mated with this woman?" Grace curses and hell breaks loose. You stare at him with shock as he reasons. Your heart finally falling out of you, the pieces shattering one by one on the ground. He doesn't see you anymore. He doesn't see you the way he sees her. So you stand behind the crowd forming, behind the great trees of Pandora, and you stay far from the man you once loved.

THE END:

Quaritch is dead, Grace is Dead, and Jake is reborn as the Na'vi.

You're on your way back to Earth.

And you can't help wanting to pick up the pieces you left on Pandora.

[goodnightmemes]

ANNIHILATION (2018) SENTENCE STARTERS

some triggering content may be present! (such as mentions of suicide) feel free to change pronouns / terms / tense as needed!

❛ How long did you think you were inside? ❜

❛ All work and no play, it sounds…not healthy. ❜

❛ I thought you were gone. ❜

❛ I don’t know where it was, or…what it was. ❜

❛ You must be able to tell me something. ❜

❛ I deserve a better explanation than no explanation. ❜

❛ I saw you. I recognized you. Your face. ❜

❛ I don’t feel very well. ❜

❛ Stay with me, baby. I’m right here with you. ❜

❛ You must be feeling dreadful. It’s a hangover from the sedative you were given. ❜

❛ I want to know what the fuck I’m doing here. ❜

❛ Did he ever mention where he was going, what he was doing? ❜

❛ It’s not easy to move on. ❜

❛ We have many theories, few facts. ❜

❛ We need to come to an agreement about what to do with you. ❜

❛ You’re not going to let me go home? ❜

❛ Is that what you want? To go home? ❜

❛ I was just looking at the moon. It’s always so weird seeing it like that, in the daylight. ❜

❛ I get really turned on when you patronize me. It’s really hot. ❜

❛ You didn’t tell me where you’re heading this time. ❜

❛ I know there’s something strange about this mission. ❜

❛ If you step outside and you look up, we’ll be looking at the same stars. ❜

❛ Don’t you think we should make friends? ❜

❛ You know, I always see you here alone. ❜

❛ The people here put themselves to sleep in the fetal position making cooing noises. It’s freaky, you know. ❜

❛ Do you have to hit on everyone, like all the time? ❜

❛ Under the circumstances, I think I’m allowed to roll the dice a few more times. ❜

❛ What do you think happened to them? ❜

❛ Well, there are two theories of what went wrong. One, something kills them. Two, they go crazy and kill each other. ❜

❛ I am so sorry. And I know what I have to do. ❜

❛ You want to come with us. ❜

❛ You can fight. You can learn. You can save him. ❜

❛ That was a brave choice. ❜

❛ You gotta give me a second. I’m a little disoriented. ❜

❛ We did a food inventory. From the depletion, we’ve been out here for at least three or four days. ❜

❛ So we’ve got no compass, no comms, no coordinates, and no landmarks. ❜

❛ Let’s pack up and get moving. We’ve already lost a lot of the day. ❜

❛ Anything interesting in there? ❜

❛ Okay, just breathe. It’s okay. You’re just fine. ❜

❛ Is it possible these were hallucinations? ❜

❛ It was dreamlike. ❜

❛ Sometimes it was beautiful. ❜

❛ All other lives feel like a lifetime ago. ❜

❛ Volunteering for… this. It’s not exactly something you do if your life is in perfect harmony. ❜

❛ We’re all damaged goods here. ❜

❛ More mutations. They’re everywhere. ❜

❛ There’s beds and bags. You think people are here? ❜

❛ Let’s not jump to conclusions. ❜

❛ "For those that follow.“ I believe that means us. ❜

❛ Okay, so we know what happened to the last group. They went insane. ❜

❛ That was a trick of the light. ❜

❛ I don’t want to stay here tonight. ❜

❛ It’s too late in the day for us to move on. ❜

❛ I gotta leave a day early. ❜

❛ The mystery unraveling? ❜

❛ I’m at least as freaked as [name]. I’m just hiding it better. ❜

❛ What’re you doing up? Not supposed to relieve me until 3:00. ❜

❛ I’m done sleeping for the night. ❜

❛ I’d say you’re confusing suicide with self-destruction. ❜

❛ Almost none of us commit suicide… and almost all of us self-destruct. In some way, in some part of our lives. ❜

❛ Isn’t self-destruction coded into us? Programmed into each cell? ❜

❛ Wake up. Something’s happening. ❜

❛ [name] was next to me. Something took her. ❜

❛ We have to go back. ❜

❛ I’m fine going on my own. You just need to decide whether you’re coming with me or not. ❜

❛ And thanks for the fucking backup. ❜

❛ You’re saying we get out by going deeper? ❜

❛ You lied to them. ❜

❛ I didn’t know what going back meant. Why it would be safer than going forward. ❜

❛ Just… leave me the fuck alone. ❜

❛ That doesn’t make any sense. ❜

❛ It’s literally not possible. ❜

❛ This was a mistake. ❜

❛ What’s really going on here? You think that something may have happened to him? ❜

❛ You think somehow he’s found out about our affair. Has he found out? ❜

❛ I’m not interested in talking, or in anything you have to say. Just get dressed and get out. ❜

❛ You know, it’s not me you hate, it’s yourself. ❜

❛ You lying bitch! ❜

❛ Why didn’t you tell us? ❜

❛ So nothing’s confirmed. Everything’s on their word.

❛ You’re a liar.

❛ Did you kill [name]? Did you lose your shit? ❜

❛ Do you think I’ve lost my shit and we’re gonna fuck each other up? ❜

❛ Oh, God. When I look at my hands, and my fingerprints…I can see them moving. ❜

❛ I’m not the one tied to a chair. You are. ❜

❛ We are disintegrating. Our bodies as fast as our minds. Can’t you feel it? ❜

❛ The person that started this journey won’t be the person that ends it. I want to be the one that ends it. ❜

❛ It’s… in me. ❜

❛ It will be in all of us. ❜

❛ Imagine dying frightened and in pain, and having that as the only part of you which survives. I wouldn’t like that at all. ❜

❛ [name] wants to face it. You want to fight it. But I don’t think I want either of those things. ❜

❛ One by one, all gone, except you. How do you explain that? ❜

❛ I had to come back. ❜

❛ What was I? Was I you? Were you me? ❜

❛ My flesh moves like liquid. My mind is just cut loose. I can’t bear it. ❜

❛ You ever seen a phosphorus grenade go off? They’re kind of bright. Shield your eyes. ❜

❛ If you ever get out of here, you find [name] ❜

❛ We spoke. What was it we said? ❜

❛ It’s not like us. It’s unlike us. ❜

❛ I don’t know what it wants. Or if it wants. ❜

❛ So it was alien. Can you describe its form? ❜

❛ It came here for a reason. ❜

❛ If what you encountered was once alive, it seems it’s now dead. ❜

❛ You aren’t [name]…are you? ❜

[baileys-3]

CHAPTER 10 NOW ONLINE on AO3

Ahhh... I'm so excited today... and I'm so happy... and I have such good news for you!!!

I have a beat reader. The wonderful himynameiscookies wrote to me yesterday and offered to help me. You may remember that English is not my native language and I work with translation programs. They are great, but not everything is translated perfectly. And there are problems especially with the spoken language and idioms etc. But that's what himynameiscookies is now there for, correcting everything again and ensuring that you have the perfect reading experience. So that all the weird words and expressions disappear. And what should I say. She corrected until midnight yesterday and so you can look forward to the first chapter that was beta read. Ah, and it reads so much better now.

A little SneakPeak for you:

Lucy is woken by a knock on the door. She pulls a pillow over her head. Shit. What time is it? Where is she? What day is it today? But it doesn't really matter because she just wants to go back to sleep.

And then it all comes back to her. And a loud shit escapes her. A very loud shit. She throws the pillow somewhere and jumps out of bed. At the same moment, the door opens, and Tamara is standing in the doorway.

"I was just about to wake you up. You overslept, didn't you?"

Lucy almost falls over her own shoes. How the hell are they ended up lying around here?

She only mutters an "I hit the snooze on the alarm " and then storms into her bathroom. Shit. Shit. Shit. If she's late today, she'll be the laughingstock of the day. She can already hear Nyla and Angela. They'd tease her about it for the rest of her life. And then Tim-Mr-on-time-is-a-hour-earlier-Bradford. He will never let her forget that. Although she might be able to convince Tim in another way to forget that she's not on time. Nonsense, she can still make it in time. But in terms of Tim Bradford punctuality, she'll definitely be late. Forget it, Lucy. Don't think about how you can convince Tim now, step on the gas.

She turns the tap on. Too hard, of course so the water splashes everywhere. Great, now she can clean the whole sink.

She hears suppressed laughter behind her.

"It's not funny."

"Yes, it is. You should have seen the look on your face when I walked in the door."

She turns towards Tamara and raises her index finger. "I need support now, not a lesson. Make me some coffee, please. With looooots of caffeine."

Tamara is still laughing but crosses Lucy's bathroom and opens the connecting door to the living area. "All right. For one thermos? Or two?"

Lucy has finally managed to pour water into the toothbrush cup and put the toothpaste on the brush.

"Two. Two is better."

Then she puts the toothbrush in her mouth and starts scrubbing. And although she knows that multitasking sucks, she goes into the bedroom and opens her wardrobe in search of something to wear. Of course, the toothpaste is now dripping everywhere. What a mess. So back into the bathroom and over the sink.

Then she hears Tamara's voice again. "Must have been a long evening last night."

Lucy now tries to speak while brushing her teeth but fails. So, she takes the brush out of her mouth for a moment. "It wasn't that long. But I think I had a few too many shots."

"Ah. I see. Soooo. Who else was there?"

She decides to put the question to the back of her mind, at least until she finishes brushing her teeth. And since she is not answering right away, Lucy sees from the mirror that Tamara appeared in the bathroom again with raised eyebrows. She rinses her mouth and wipes herself with a towel.

"The usual ones."

She goes back into the bedroom and looks for something to wear. Showering is no longer an option. Tamara follows her to the room, of course so she can grill her more about last night.

"And who are the usuals?"

Lucy rummages through her things as she lists them all.

"John and Bailey, Angela, Nyla, Aaron, Celina and Tim."

"Ah. And did you have a nice evening with Tim."

[zealouscanonindeer]

Long overdue.

Synopsis: Aspen needs Ethan. That's it, that's the plot.

Rating: Strictly NSFW 18+ Minors Do Not Interact. You have been warned.

Word count: Too long to count 😅

Category: Smut.

********

********

Okay,I HAVE SINNED. Finally my first ever smut 🥵, I've been wanting to write one since forever but I've always had reservations. Ethan Ramsey made it happen. Hope it's decent enough for an first attempt.

********

Aspen threw her head on the pillow in frustration, the clock on her bedside read 1:03 am. She sighed, running her hands over his side of the bed. She felt the cool, soft sheets against her palm, rekindling the anxiety she felt. Ever since he had been appointed as Chief, he was constantly consumed by the board or countless meetings, budget mergers, high end patients and the never ending paperwork. It had been almost 2 months now since his promotion and 3 weeks since the last time they had sex. Her upcoming period had left her all needy but he was either way too tired and would crash the moment he touched the bed or piles of files and decisions sat at his desk to be made.

He had hardly slowed down to take a breath, she knew him and she knew how committed and dedicated he was. Yet she couldn't help but worry for the lovely man who occupied her heart and bed, well not today.

She made up her mind to put an end to his absurd hours. He had to be at work again in less than 7 hours. Besides if there was anything he should be doing this late, it should be her.

She pulled herself out of the soft comforting embrace of the pillowy bed and made her way to his home office. The light shone from under the slit of the closed door, she slowly knocked on it, the noise making her jump. Receiving no reply, she pushed herself into the room.

Ethan was sat at his desk, glasses perched on his sharp yet slightly crooked nose, you could make it out only if you ran your hand along the bridge, which she had done many times by now. He looked up at her and smiled softly.

"Come to bed, E. "

"I wish I could, really. It's just this meeting tomorrow, I have to make sure it goes well, it's for negotiations of a possible research program fund. Between us, we could do with it. " He sighed, groaning as he shifted in his chair to sit up straighter.

"I know. I'm just worried about you. I miss you. I just want my Ethan back."

"Ugh, I'm so sorry, Rookie. I'll be in bed in a while, yeah?" His eyes already turning back to the papers in front of him.

She wasn't buying that again, she had heard that more times than she wished to admit. The words had turned into a cruel, mirthful pit of helplessness.

She walked over to him, grabbing the file out of his hands,pulling her nightgown up her legs to set herself in his lap. Settling his head against her shoulder, she ran her hands through his hair, she felt his breaths against her skin, the closeness suddenly feeling astonishing.

"How about I take you to bed?"

"No, I told you I have to get this done, go to bed, darling. " He mumbled kissing her shoulder.

He wistfully looked at her, gently trying to push her hips off him but she stayed put. He tried grabbing the file in her hand. She deftly moved away from his grasp, letting it fall to the ground.

Instead she placed both her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back against the backrest of the chair, ducking her head to place a kiss right below his jaw before making her way to his ear, gently tugging at his earlobe with her teeth, causing him to groan.

Ethan's hands began to roam, under the fabric of her nightgown, one hand slowly making it's way to the swell of her breast, cupping it, his thumb grazing against her nipple, causing it to harden. The other rested against the natural curve of her waist, holding her against him.

She continued, now paying attention to his neck, pressing kisses before a evil thought popped into her head. How delicious would Ethan look with a hickey. Knowing full well that he had a big meeting tomorrow,she lightly sucked against his neck, causing his skin to slowly darken. Ethan felt the change in pressure, his hold on her hips tightening, he raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"Did you just give me a hickey? "

Aspen looked at him with her most innocent expression, fluttering her lashes coyly as she ran her hand up and down his arm with teasing touches.

"Maybeeee"

Thwack!!

Ethan's hand made resounding contact with her rear, causing her to moan. He trailed his fingers gently over the now red ass cheek, causing her to whimper.

"Look how wet you make me. "

His hands slid to the place where she yearned for him the most, his fingers coming directly in contact with her slick folds. She had no underwear on. Wetness coated his digits as he surveyed how turned on she was.

He continued slowly touching her, sliding his large middle finger into her, then another,she jerked her hips at his sudden movement, soft moans leaving her mouth. Her hands moved to his pants to asses how hard the situation was, feeling his straining length against the fabric of his jeans.

She palmed him slowly before he distracted her by pulling his fingers out and holding them up. Her sticky wetness coated his fingers, all the way up to his knuckles. She gently moved forward, taking his fingers in her mouth, staring at him with her classic 'Fuck me now, Ethan.' look,her tongue licking them clean of her juices before releasing them with a soft pop.

"Playtime's over Rookie. " Ethan growled, pushing himself off the chair, throwing her over his shoulder, one hand holding her in place while the other wrapped around her ankle.

He walked rapidly to their bedroom, to find Jenner curled up on the edge off their bed, perking up as he walked in.

"Jenner, Out! "

The poor creature looked startled before he reluctantly obeyed his master. Ethan threw Aspen onto the bed, causing her to gently bounce on the mattress. She looked glorious, all sprawled out on his bed, before him.

Her dark hair spread against the contrasting cream sheets, her lust filled brown eyes staring at him in anticipation. She was breathing hard, her chest moved rapidly, her clevage left bare by his favourite strappy babypink satin nightgown, the neckline dipping low, her hardened nipples clearly visible through the fabric.

"Aspen.. "

"Ethan, fuck me. I'm all yours, to do with as you please. "

"Dammit." He cursed.

Her needy words and aroused state coupled with her words broke his resolve. He pulled his tshirt over his head in a single motion, covering her body with his entire weight, pressing her into the mattress, her eyes rolling back with pleasure. His hands bunched up the material covering her, pulling it over her head and tossing it across the room. He gripped one of her hands in his, intertwining their fingers together.

"Spread your legs. "

She obliged almost immediately, he kissed her collarbone, making his way down the valley of her breasts to her slightly shuddering stomach, reaching ther navel. He continued downward before he felt a hand on his head.

"Ethan. Wait. "

He looked up at her, waiting for her to continue. She gulped, continuing, her next words bringing caveman Ethan to life.

" I want you to tell me all the filthy things you are about to do to me as I come all over your fingers. " She whispered.

He pushed himself up to her, staring into her eyes as he pushed two fingers into her. He bent down, hot breath against her ear before he proceeded into a whirlwind of dirty thoughts escaping his lips.

"Look what you do to me, huh. All I can think about is your tight pussy clenching around my throbbing cock, the moans that you make for me. I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you will be sore for days. And then I'm going to bend you over and take you from behind before I eat you out until you forget your own name. "

All the while his fingers increased their momentum, her moans growing louder, her body shuddering against him, all the while getting closer to the edge.

She eased her hands out of his grip, making her way to his belt buckle, undoing it, followed quickly by his button and zipper as she yanked his pants and boxers down in a single go, grabbing his cute tight ass, earning a deep moan from him.

"Ethan please, I need you inside me. "

Ethan agreed, he needed to bury himself in her too, he pulled his fingers out, grabbing his rock hard cock, pumping it a few times before aligning himself against her. He looked to her for permission and she nodded eagerly, with that he plunged into her. They both groaned at the close contact as Ethan bottomed out.

He gripped her thigh in one hand, keeping her close to him as her leg wrapped around his waist, changing the angle slightly, his pubic bone grazing her swollen nub.

He began setting a steady pace with deep thrusts, pulling out until only the tip remained inside her before slamming all the way into her.

"Oh God.. Ethan Yess!! "

Aspen closed her eyes, the tension building up with each thrust as her hips jerked up to meet him, keeping pace. She buried her face in his shoulder, her fingers gripping onto his bicep.

"Open your eyes, look at me. " Ethan hoarsely ordered.

She opened her eyes to look into his azure gaze, darkened with lust. Beads of sweat forming against his forehead, a few drops running down the side of his face. His silky hair sticking to his temples, covering his brows furrowed with pleasure, loud groans leaving his parted mouth.

The high hit her as she felt sparks explode, her eyed rolling back, screaming his name as she came. Her walls clenched, milking him, spurring him to his own release.

"Ah, Rookie.. I'm.. "

"Fill me up Ethan."

His head fell into the crook of her neck as he came inside her with one final thrust, all energy sapped as they slowly overcame their high. A few moments later, Ethan rolled over, the loss of contact making her wince. He adjusted her against him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, kissing her forehead and pulling the sheets over them.

"That was so hot" Aspen sighed, pecking his chest, resting on her elbow to look at him.

"Hmm." He nodded, smiling at her, running a caressing hand down her back, squeezing her ass.

"You like it when I spank you, don't you? "

She just rolled her eyes, giggling, "How'd you figure that one out? " He simply shook his head.

" This was long overdue anyway but is your period almost here? I know how sex craved you become. "

Aspen flushed, suddenly nervous, she stared down, fidgeting with the comforter.

"Hey,I like it. Now, come here you. " Her eyes met his in silent adoration as he pulled her into his arms, slowly entering into sleep's abode, bliss filling his soul as her gentle snores filled his ears.

**********

@liaromancewriter @potionsprefect @jerzwriter @rookiemartin @cariantha @queencarb @kyra75 @peonierose @genevievemd @choicesficwriterscreations

[helloblobbyblobfish]

Hypnovember day 14: Slime/Goo

Sam Flynn was working late in his office when Dillinger Jr. entered the room.

“What is it, Ed?” He asked, annoyed. He was NOT dealing with the rivalry everyone was expecting them to have on top of all the paperwork needed for his so-called “coup”.

“Here. My dad wants you to have it.”

What? Dillinger refused to talk of his father even with his own allies, who were asking him to do the “magic” (aka stealing other people's works) his dad did in the early 80′s!

He looked with suspicion at the little thing Dillinger put on his desk. looked like an USB drive, or a little box of some kind. It was very... Shiny.

“When did he make that?” “Dunno. Didn’t manage to do anything with it either. Careful, I guess?” The programmer’s tone clearly indicated Sam could get hacked for all he cared, but hey. “Guess You’re more of a daddy’s boy than I thought or Alan hoped.”

As expected, that gets a rise out of the guy. The new CEO of ENCOM grabbed the thing, planning on having the best information security had to offer to study it as soon as possible, but as soon as his fingers touched it, the box turned into a liquid that slowly reached across his hand, covering his fingers.

“What the?” Sam shouted as he grabbed a tissue to move it away as it reached the sleeves of his suit, but the liquid ignored it entirely, and started to move under Sam’s clothes to cover all the skin.

As Sam had to put his hands on his desk, hit by nausea, he saw the horrified Ed looking over at what was happening, paralyzed.

“Oh God, Flynn. I’m sorry. Oh fuck! What did I do? What should I do?”

It was a sign of how serious signs were that Sam didn’t remark on the use of his family name, banned in all-but-formallity after too many comparisons to his father. “Try to find someone!” He shouted instead.

As Dillinger ran out of the room, typing a number on his phone, Sam decided that Quorra would know what to do. but it’s when he tried to reach for his phone that he realized his infected arm wasn’t obeying him at all.

Instead, it started to move and rub itself on his torso, where the liquid- the thing started to go through the layers of clothing to spread by multiple corners.

As Sam was struggling to reach for the correct pockets to reach the phone, the liquid had finished reaching his shoulder, and jumped into his ear.

“Hello, Son of Kevin_Flynn. I don’t think you know me, but I am thrilled to finally meet his son.”

The voice had the reverberating effect of most programs. But all the inhabitants of The Grid where in-

Nobody over there called his father by his full name, except Clu. But he was dead, and that only left. “The-The Master. Computer. Program?” He was left speechless.

“Smarter than his father. truly. You and Junior will do many great things together. Still, he is distracting me, calling his so-called “father”. Time to deal with him too. He is reacting much worse than I expected.”

Somewhere in the corridors, Dillinger screamed.

“My friends wi-will stop y-you!” Why wasn’t he trying to resist anymore? And why was he stuttering, like he was afraid of talking back to the M.C.P? His Father and tron defeated the thing, and a 1980′s AI had nothing on modern technologies.

“How Pitiful. You really think I survived until today without regular updates? And no one will know anything is wrong, so why would they do anything? I’ll admit Alan_Bradley is a bigger threat than you could ever wish to be. But I have a plan for that. And look! Ed was such a puppet, his reprogramming is already more advanced than yours!”

Ed entered the room, but his eyes were glassy, not looking at anything and that bacl liquid was dripping from his nose, eyes and ears. It was spreading, and soon, a full mask would cover him.

“Drones? You’re turning us into drones?” Sam wanted to say, but his mouth wasn’t his anymore. instead, it opened, and a black, thick saliva dripped down to his chin. His neck moved without his command, and he saw that his two hands were covered in something similar to gloves, rubbing his crotch and ass respectively.

He heard himself say: “Need Dillinger seed.”

Ed, now a faceless dark creature wearing a suit, opened his trouser and showed a dark but smooth ball. He somehow knew to grab a part of it and start to jack it. meanwhile, the liquid, probably nanobots, he realized, even if it was becoming so hard to think, must have reached his knees, as he fell to the floor, and still curbed his back so that his mouth could open on the stick that now came out of Ed’s bulge

The feeling of sucking was horrendous to Sam, and the fact he was basically raped and raping Dillinger at the same time was making it worse. As he felt the dark liquid spread through his veins and reaching muscles, covering bones he didn’t know he had, he had one last thought: “Save me, tron.”

“Such a childish wish.” His Master’s voice commented. “But you now know better. Don’t you?”

To better speak, he needed to have a mouth. As a creature of the M.C.P. It was easy to command the nanites to uncover his face. “Of course, my Lord.” he smiled sadistically.

“What is your wish? I promise to use all the resources at my disposal to help you reach your objectives, Master.” He realized he had a robotic edge to his voice, now. He would need to train to erase it, if he was to work undercover.

“Well, listen closely, insect.”

-

Alan was surprised to hear Sam had given a secret project to Dillinger. Entering his adoptive son’s office, he was surprised to see him radiating confidence and typing fast, in leather gloves.

“Alan!” Sam exclaimed with joy, rising from his chair. “Am I glad to see you. Wanted to call you, but I was worried you were doing something important.” And he hugged him. That surprised Alan. And did Sam have a cold? Something felt cold about those hands.

“Well, I wanted to ask you something.” Sam smirked.

“Is this about Dillinger? Sit, sit. Got plenty of things to talk to you about. Believe me, it will be earth-shattering at first, but by the end, I guarantee you that you're gonna love it!!!”

-

@mathhypnostories​. I ended up making this day the mind control Tron fic that was hauntiong me since months! it’s not even any of the FIVE plots I had for the concept. >_<. I also made it bigger than my usual captions, guess I REALLY wanted that one...

[sunnetrolls]

Rampage

gdoc for those who don't wanna read in red on red

characters: PR0T0TYPE; G0DKILLR, Dziban, and Vrayan mentioned word count: 779

You were perched atop a tall office building when you received the notification. 

Sometime this week you and the squad had a hit to carry out, and it was always your job to scout out the locations Dziban came up with to see what was the most viable for an operation. This was already the third building the target would be readily ‘accessible’ from and nothing had seemed very promising so far, but at that very moment scouting out the next locations would have to be put on the backburner. 

At the same time, your moirail was meeting with a ‘contact’ of hers in some alleyway halfway across town. These types of operations always made you nervous, since she was very obviously a mutant and, regardless of her ability to defend herself, did appear like one hell of a target for a particularly bitchy highblood. You usually kept her phone’s location map open while she was carrying out those meetings just in case something went wrong. 

Like now, for example. 

You receive a notification that Vrayan’s GPS signal can no longer be traced. Her phone battery also dropped to zero at the same time. Of course, the GPS signals from most mobile phones would keep functioning even after the phone’s battery was dead, or if it was powered off, so you figured both of these indicators happening at once meant really only one thing: someone had just busted the thing.

Which would be very, very bad. You freeze for a moment, trying to process this information. What the fuck do you do about this? Call someone? Try and find her? Yeah, that sounds good. You finally leap back into action, sending a very very quick text to Nyctea, Dziban and Icarus-- the former to warn of danger, and the latter two to let them know you’ll be a little late. 

0̷̻͚͒̕0̴̬̍̃ : HELP 0̷̻͚͒̕0̴̬̍̃ : VRAY IN DANGER You send the last pinged location from her phone as you race across the rooftops, dropped down on all fours like some sort of awful mechanical beast. It’s faster and safer to run like this, you know you won’t fall off anything or miscalculate your jumps. 

You’re grateful for once in your life that you run on an engine. You don’t have to stop and catch your breath for a single moment, each of which already feeling agonizingly long as you approach that alleyway. You’re even grateful for your mechanical legs, which won’t get tired no matter how many times you make jumps between the sunbleached rooftops. You’re especially grateful for your weird sort of sonar-adjacent sensory program that lets you bolt between obstacles and over ledges with more accuracy than someone who wasn’t blind. 

Maybe sometimes all those augmentations do come in a little handy, you guess. 

Despite how much distance you were covering, it still felt like your location indicator was crawling across your GPS app like a snail. What if she had gotten in serious trouble and you were too slow? What if you had to be the one to bring her corpse back to Nyctea’s hive, desperately explaining that you weren’t the one to kill her? 

You would be, though. Because you were too slow. 

You don’t want to think about that. She’s tougher than she looks. 

You start to slow down as you approach her last pinged location. Now you need to focus on finding her, not her bricked phone-- which you find in the alleyway, smashed far beyond repair. Oh no. 

You turn off the GPS tracker to free up more space for sensory programs, everything up to 11. Vrayan is clearly not here right now, but it doesn’t take you long to figure out where she went-- her blood is stained on the nails embedded in an old rotten board sticking out of a trashcan. You can easily smell it on the ground after that, tracking her path through the mazelike network of one-way streets and alleyways between buildings before you come to a wall. There’s more blood here, like it was dripping for a longer time, so you suspect the way is up; you crouch down like a cat to spring halfway up the wall then easily scale the rest.

You sense them both immediately. One figure is large, imposing, cold-- well, cold in some places, hot in others. Odd. The other is your moirail, pinned on her stomach and laying in her own blood. Her speeding heart rate is doing nothing to help the blood loss, but everything to fuel the rage you feel for the man doing this to her. 

Your claws scrape loudly on the concrete roof as you pull yourself up. 

[bathboysblog]

the Valve Sibling post

Disclaimer: This is my own funny lore on my funny Tumblr blog, and will not at all be accurate to Valves lore. Everyone's ethnicity is kept the same as in canon. How are they related then? Your guess is as good as mine, but they are. 

I've always felt like Gordon and Chell have a bit too many parallels to have never been tied to the others story. Not only with the rivalry between Mesa and Aperture, but you're telling me that the guy who relies on his wit, is in the shooter and the canonically pissed girl is in the puzzle game? I've connected the dots, and now they're siblings.

Gordon was always ambitious when it came to his education, having a specific adoration for science. He loved the idea of discovery and creation, of changing humanity with scientific advances. Being awkward around his classmates meant he wasn't invited to a lot of hangouts, so Gordon threw all his time into classwork. Graduating highschool early and moving right on to college, the only real socialization was with his roommate, Barney, who never really stuck to a single major. The two ended up hitting it off as friends, and while Gordon was looking for work; within the following years, both had decided to enroll into the Black Mesa training program.

Barney, having no knowledge in science or math, was put on duty as a low level security officer. The guy was always a bit of a conspiracy theorist, and from all the shady stories circling around Black Mesa, he was excited to be front and center to where they were hiding the aliens. And hey, cool gun permit. Of course, Gordon thought he was a small town nut for it, but was happy that he wouldn't be transferring completely alone. 

Gordon himself was too inexperienced to qualify as a full scientist, not with how high maintenance the facility was. He was too shaky to wield a gun, too jumpy not to shoot himself in the damn foot. Though, instead of turning Gordon away, Breen made a deal of employment, hating to shoot down such a young mind. If Gordon kept up with his studies, he could be paid as a trainee for dealing with radioactive materials. It was a dangerous job, few trusted a suit that was fresh out of beta, but with the promise of one day studying alongside these great minds, he took the offer. 

(which is also why I think Gordon has some more complicated feelings about Breen in HL2 than just pure rebellion hatred, but that's for another post.)

For a few years, Gordon walked the thin line of employee and student. His coworkers didn't take his research too seriously, having such limited knowledge of the tests in the first place. He’d often arrive late to work, trying to juggle lectures on top of the physical training to get his body used to the suit. The metal was heavy, awkward in mobility, not to mention Gordons sweating. A lot of jumping and crawling, even more climbing and running. He was almost jealous of Barney, having the luxury of icing his muscles on their days off. Instead, Gordon took a few painkillers and pushed onto his lectures. Just pull through, and one day, all of this hard work would pay off. 

Then the Half Life franchise happens. canon follows.

Chell was more grounded compared to her older brother.

She wasn't a well known name in school, with passing grades and a low social battery. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do in life and was indifferent towards college. 

The only reason why she sought out Aperture Labs was to bug Gordon. 

During the holiday season whenever he visited home, Gordon would fill everyone in on his special little job. Push this cart, Gordon! Move this canister, Gordon! She had always thought the man lived life with his head in the clouds, but Christ, it sounded like he was kissing Breens shoes before clocking in. 

With the talk of Black Mesa, Aperture was mentioned somewhere along the lines. How stupid it was for Jhonson, the man who sold shower curtains, to start a research facility. He had no knowledge of business- of science, the place was built inside salt mines! With the lawsuits raking up, they would be closed down soon enough. Either that or go bankrupt from blowing all of this money. Aperture labs may have the glory now, but Mesa was in it for the long run. 

But hey, 60 bucks is 60 bucks. 

Chell thought it would be funny to volunteer for a minor experiment. Instead of having her organs rearranged or having her DNA mixed with a praying mantis, she chose a safer option. A sleeping capsule, they’d wake her up within a month and see if the hibernation had any effects on her body. The capsules tracked her heartbeat and fed her meals through an IV, it seemed safe enough. She could already see it, Gordons red face, bitching about causing more drama for Thanksgiving. Getting paid to do it, nonetheless! ‘It was dangerous, stupid, everyone knows Jhonson is a pathological liar who cuts corners for the health inspector, what the hell is wrong with you Chell?!’

Chell wakes up in an unfamiliar glass chamber, in an unknown amount of time in the future. Canon events follow. 

I do think that Wheatly holds some sort of truth in Portal 2 when he talks about Chell having brain damage. The human body isn't meant to last, we don't even know HOW many years into the future. It's clear that she hasn't aged, and her physical body is fine, but no precautions were taken for her mental well-being. Not only do I believe Chell forces insomnia onto herself, terrified of not waking up for another thousand years, but as cliche as the trope is, her memories are probably scrambled. With how many dreams shes had in her comas, with how long its been since she's seen any other life form, Chell has little to no memory of Gordon. not to say they’re complete strangers, her unexplained emotional connection still holds, but if they ever meet in stasis (the cut ending of Portal 2), I doubt either will remember the others name.

[shomagravity]

30 June 2022 || Uno Shoma Event Translation (with Tanaka Keiji)

Honda: Back in my day medals were too small. I'm kinda jealous. 

Shoma: Yeah, the strap was the same but the medals were so small, I would lose them. But lately the small medals are just as big as the normal medals. I haven't been receiving many small medals lately so when I won them I thought 'oh they changed so much', I felt deeply emotional. Deeply emotional? I just said it casually. Sorry. 

"It was a great season which will be positive for me. I'm happy about winning World Championship and the medal at Olympics, but I was most happy to be able to fight again at the top of the world." "The rules are changing in a big way and as it's a new program, many things will change but my feelings regarding the positions in a competition or how I feel towards skating hasn't changed." "I want to make it a year where I focus on "growth"." "Last season was a really good season with results. Even so, I want to forget that and do my best with a feeling of starting over." "As an active skater, I want to be an athlete like Nathan Chen. " "Figure skating really is victory or defeat. You can avoid mistakes but once you make one, you can't take it back." “He has the stability of winning most championships in those 4 years, and was always one step ahead of everyone." "Seeing Chen who couldn't perform well 4 years ago (at Pyeongchang Olympics), do such an amazing performance at the (Beijing) Olympics...  I think the active skater image I want to reach is Chen. "After I retire... Well it might be because he's the closest one to me, but artistic like Stephane Lambiel coach... To continue being an active skater jumps are necessary, but if I retire, rather than jumps, my goal is to be artistic in the way Stephane is."

He talks a bit about how fans supports matter. He talks about how because of Corona they each realized they were taking it a bit for granted, and fans still can't cheer etc yet.

People might think that one fan's clapping wouldn't reach them but he says each person's support reaches them even during competition, so he says if it's okay with the fans, if they cheer for them it'll power up the athletes. Keiji gets called on stage and Honda is like "What's up Keiji" to which he replies "Heard Shoma was around so I came over to play."

Q. Once you said "if you realize something is missing, it's not really missing." Keiji: (Bursts into a laugh) Q. Have you forgotten anything big lately? Shoma: (Stares) Honda: Something you forgot? Shoma: Yeah, you know how I'm bad with forgetting things. Honda: You forgot your costume.   Shoma: When was it?  Honda: During Prince.  Shoma: ...  Shoma: OH yeah, the red one.  Honda: The costume for the opening.  Shoma: Yeah I forgot the opening costume and borrowed it. Keiji: I don't think that's rare. Shoma: I'm not even worried about it anymore. Even if I forget things. As long as I'm not causing anyone trouble, it's fine, I think. Shoma: Recently... I forgot the ticket in the Shinkansen. I barely made it in time. Shoma: Keijikun do you not forget things much? Keiji: No I usually make sure I check things. Audience: LOL Shoma: I DO THAT TOO. Keiji: Normally before you leave home, you'd check if you have your outfit, boots. Shoma: I do... Keiji: Shoma probably thinks he already put them in and neverminds it. Shoma: You know how you have to hold it... When I'm putting on my shoes, since you need a free hand, you'd put it down, right? .... After that, it's already no good. I'll just leave like that. Shoma: Even if I make sure I don't forget, like put things right at the door, I'll hold it thinking I must have it with me, then realize I have to do something else and then I leave it behind. Shoma: I think it's quite a lot less now though. Keiji: That's probably not because of Shoma checking things but your manager making sure you don't forget anything. Rather than Shoma, it's thanks to your Manager. Shoma: So if I forget something it's not my fault, but my Manager’s. Honda: Well that's how Shoma is. We end up not being too worried about it either. Keiji: "It's just how it always is." Shoma: Like, "Oh, again?" Keiji: And in the background, his manager is panicking. Honda: He won't change. Audience: LOL. Honda: This is Shoma-kun. tweets

[cosmicbrowniefan]

give me my sin again

fandom/ship: it, reddie

summary: eddie is the student stage manager for his high school’s production of romeo and juliet, as well as the swing for the two leads. richie, in all his charisma, is naturally romeo. however, on opening night, the girl playing juliet gets sick only a few minutes before the curtain goes up, and eddie has to jump in- but the news doesn’t reach richie before his first entrance.

genre: one-shot, fluff, high school au, romeo and juliet au

warnings: swearing, aged-up losers (16-17), intentional lowercase

word count: 2,806

eddie sighed as he looked at his watch. 

it was opening night of derry high school’s fall play, romeo and juliet, and eddie had finally scored being the student stage manager after years of being a crew member. however, it was stressing him out quite a bit that the call time was fifteen minutes ago and there was no sign of juliet. he couldn’t say he was very surprised, however, because she was known for being late and rather uncommitted. 

she was one of those teenagers that did drama club because she had nothing better to do, which may have been great for her, but it put a great deal of pressure on everyone else. for example, on top of being the student stage manager, eddie also happened to be the swing for the two leads. it wasn’t necessarily supposed to happen that way, but the director realized just how many lines eddie had memorized naturally from helping the actors learn everything, and asked him if he would be willing to be on standby if the need ever arose. eddie, of course, agreed, not thinking he’d ever have to actually go on stage. he did, however, grow to regret that, as the female lead became more and more lax about her role and commitment to the program. she wouldn’t actually miss a show though.

would she?

“eddie!”

eddie looked up from his list of pre-show tasks he had written up to see the director, looking as if she was going to pull her hair out.

“have you heard anything from amber?”

“no,” said eddie flatly. “i was actually just about to ask you tha-”

at that exact moment, however, a shrill voice rang throughout the hallway.

“i’m here!” the voice sang cheerfully. the director instantly looked relieved, but the sound and sight just pissed eddie off even more.

“thank goodness!” the director said. “hurry up and get in costume, honey, we’re just about to do mic check.” with that, she bustled away to make sure the rest of the cast was on task.

amber dumped her things on the ground and started slowly getting herself around. eddie internally rolled his eyes. she was really fifteen minutes late and didn’t show any remorse or sense of urgency whatsoever.

“amber, i need to know why you were late so i can write it up in tonight’s report,” eddie said. he wrote up a report for every rehearsal and performance to send out in an email to the cast and crew. really, all he needed was who was late and if it was excused or not, but he wanted to know what kind of bullshit excuse she had. 

“i was at dinner with my boyfriend,” she responded nonchalantly. eddie huffed loudly, but she either didn’t notice or didn’t care. he had kind of forgot that she had a boyfriend, after all the flirting she did with people. and it didn’t really come across as a joke or as playful, either.

especially the flirting she did with richie.

richie tozier. he was the sarcastic, annoying, loud, lanky, smartass, hilarious, smooth-talking, incredibly attractive, living meme, of the school. nobody pissed eddie off more than richie.

but nobody made eddie fall in love harder than richie, either.

richie was kind of the heartthrob of the school, somehow. every guy wanted to be him, every girl wanted to be with him.

and a lot of guys wanted to be with him, too.

naturally, richie, in all of his amazing theatrics, was cast as romeo. eddie wanted more than anything to be on the receiving end of richie’s romantic lines in this show, but since amber came after all, it looked as if he wouldn’t have that chance. sure, eddie was on the end of richie’s flirting all the time, but he did that with everyone. the way he acted as romeo was so beautiful and genuine- that’s what eddie wanted to feel from richie.

but again, amber had to come in and ruin everything.

“hey eds!”

eddie felt himself go red as he shrugged richie’s arm off of his shoulder.

“don’t call me that,” he said, without looking up. “did you get your mic yet?”

“yes, sir, i did,” richie said, waving the pack in eddie’s face. “don’t worry, i’m a professional.” he pinched eddie’s cheek, which eddie slapped away.

“hey rich.” 

eddie looked up now, to see amber giving richie a sexy smirk. 

“ready for tonight?” she said, as she slowly put on a layer of lipstick and smacked it.

“uh, yep, i am,” richie said. he immediately grabbed eddie’s hand and led him away from her. eddie didn’t bat his hand away this time. richie was a flirty guy, but he had made it known time and again how much he didn’t like amber and about how uncomfortable her flirting made him, especially since she was in a relationship.

richie pulled eddie backstage and rolled his eyes. 

“can she PLEASE just leave me alone?” richie groaned, as eddie headed to the prop table and started checking to see if everything was set and in the right place. “for fucks sakes, she has a boyfriend.”

“curse of being the school heartthrob,” eddie said, moving the fake dagger to the correct place on the table.

“i don’t WANT to be the school heartthrob,” richie complained, to which eddie snorted. “what?”

“really?” eddie said sarcastically, turning and smirking at richie. “you flirt with everyone you see and you’re really hot. objectively, of course,” he added quickly, but the addition of words didn’t stop the grin that spread on richie’s face.

“objectively, of course,” richie repeated with a smile. 

“shut up,” eddie muttered, blushing and turning back to the table. to his delight, the director called mic check just at that moment.

“got to go,” richie said. “in case i don’t see you again before the show starts, break a leg spaghetti.” he blew him a kiss and headed off through the wings.

“you too,” eddie called after him. richie was right, he probably wouldn’t see him again before the show. eddie had so many things to check and do and keep track of that he often disappeared from everyone’s sight before shows trying to get it all done. eddie headed to the other side of the stage and began checking the prop table over there, until he heard a voice crackle on his headset.

“hey eddie, just checking in.”

“oh! hey, kayla.” it was the assistant stage manager, a girl named kayla. she had been kind of a blessing to eddie. she was also the stage left head, while eddie typically stayed on stage right. richie was right, he wouldn’t see him again before the show started, especially because richie’s first entrance was stage left.

“any loose ends i need to tie up?” she asked. 

“nope, just go through the usual checks,” he said. “thanks!”

“no problem!”

a few minutes later, eddie heard the cast begin trickling backstage. the house was open, and the show started in a half hour. while he was heading up to the light booth to make sure that tech was alright, kayla’s voice came through the headset.

“eddie, richie wants you,” she said with a sigh. “i’m sorry, i tried to tell him you were busy but he wouldn’t stop bugging me.”

eddie felt his heart skip a beat.

“what’s up?” he asked.

“here, i’ll just give him the headset for a minute.” eddie heard the headset transfer from kayla to richie, and soon richie’s voice was on the other end.

“hiya, eds!” he exclaimed. eddie smiled. he could practically hear richie winking.

“what is it, rich?” he said, continuing to smile. “kayla was right, i am busy, you know.” he was glad no one was around to see him grinning like an idiot.

“i just wanted to say hi and see if you wanted to come over to this side of the stage and hang out,” richie said in a sing-song voice.

“i hope you can hear me rolling my eyes,” said eddie. “i’m busy, give me back to kayla. you didn’t need anything, did you?”

“fiiiiine,” richie said, whining. “and no, i didn’t need anything,” he continued. “i just really WANTED a pre-show ki-”

“okay, that’s enough.”

eddie shook his head and giggled as kayla took the headset back and apologized yet again to eddie for the distraction. he waved it off and continued up to the light booth.

after checking on tech, eddie went back downstairs and looked through his list of pre-show tasks. everything was running smoothly. it was time to call places.

“kayla, call places for stage left,” eddie said through the headset. 

“you got it.”

eddie went backstage to where a bunch of the actors were hanging out and called places for stage right. everyone made their way to their first entrance in the next minute or so. well, everyone except one.

“where the fuck is she?” eddie muttered to himself angrily. he marched backstage. “amber! places!”

however, the sight he was greeted with was a gruesome one. amber was keeled over, throwing up all over the floor.

“oh my god.” he rushed to her side and quickly talked through the headset to alert kayla and the director of what was going on. “what on earth happened?” he asked amber, who was sitting up and gasping.

“i- i think i had too much at dinner,” amber said. “or the wrong combination of stuff. lots of chicken alfredo and a piece of cake for dessert.”

eddie shook his head as the director rushed back and gasped.

“oh my god, amber! are you alright?” she asked frantically.

amber shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“no!” she cried out. “i can’t go on, i feel awful!”

eddie felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“honey, are you sure?” the director asked, her eyes widening. “we’re just about to open the curtain!”

“eddie knows it, send him on!” amber said, gesturing to eddie.

eddie should’ve expected this. amber was popular. she did this for shits and gigs. it didn’t actually matter to her if she went on and performed, she just liked the attention of being able to say that she was in drama club. plus, of course, she liked kissing richie in rehearsals. anyone else in drama club would’ve acted through a heart attack, but not amber.

“eddie?” the director turned to him with pleading eyes. before she could say another word, eddie was sighing and taking off his headset.

“here’s my clipboard of cues,” he said, handing it over to her. “go get them to start the show while i get in costume.”

“oh my god, thank you, thank you, thank you!” she said, hugging him.

“you’re welcome,” he responded. “now go!’

eddie nervously ran through some of the longer monologues in his head while he went and changed. thank goodness there was more than one juliet costume so that he didn’t have to wear the one covered in puke. he was still in utter shock that this was actually happening, but what did he expect? it’s amber.

eddie knew he knew his lines. he knew his blocking too. but he kept going over it in his mind, because if he didn’t, all he’d be able to think about right now would be the fact that he was about to kiss his best friend and crush. onstage. in front of a crowd of people.

and there was a good chance richie might not even know that was happening yet.

the first few scenes went off without a hitch. most of eddie’s nerves had melted away. however, it was now time for act one, scene five- aka the scene where romeo and juliet met. eddie stood in the wings as he watched richie onstage. with a deep breath, he stepped out.

it was clear that richie had NO IDEA that eddie was on for amber. the second eddie stepped out, richie’s eyes were drawn to him, and they quickly became the size of dinner plates. he quickly shook that off, however, when he realized that he was still onstage acting.

the scene progressed, and the first kiss was coming closer and closer. finally, richie approached eddie, and romeo and juliet began their first interaction.

richie took eddie’s hand in his own. eddie shoved down the butterflies he was feeling as richie spoke his line. eddie barely heard a word he said. he was too busy staring into richie’s dark, deep eyes.

“then move not, while my prayer’s effect i take,” richie said. he slowly leaned in. the lean itself had more passion than any interaction he had EVER had with amber. after a painfully slow few seconds, richie put one hand on eddie’s cheek and the other on his waist, and pulled him in for a kiss.

eddie’s heart leaped out of his chest. he tried desperately to shove down his feelings, but he couldn’t help the fireworks that were going off in him. richie’s lips were soft and smooth, and he pressed them so gently and lovingly against eddie’s. it was nothing like eddie had expected. richie had always had such a fuckboy reputation and attitude that eddie had assumed his kisses would reflect that.

but they didn’t.

at all.

after what was way too short, yet longer than amber and richie had ever kissed for, richie and eddie pulled apart from each other. eddie’s breath hitched, and it took him a second to open his eyes and process things enough to continue on with his lines.

“thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged,” richie said softly, gazing deeply into eddie’s eyes and throwing glances down at his lips.

“then have my lips the sin that they have took,” eddie said, just as softly and full of passion. he had never said something in that gentle of a tone to richie in his life.

“sin from thy lips? o trespass sweetly urged!” richie said. he then put both hands around eddie’s waist and pulled him in so close that eddie could feel richie’s breath on his cheek. “give me my sin again,” he whispered.

the second kiss was even more passionate than the first. eddie and richie were practically making out onstage, until eddie suddenly remembered where they were and pulled apart.

the rest of the show went off without a hitch. although she was still sick, amber was throwing eddie death glares backstage. eddie couldn’t care less, though. finally, it was time for curtain call. eddie and richie entered from opposite sides of the stage, grabbed hands, and bowed together to the sounds of the thunderous applause.

the cast waved goodbye to the audience as the curtain closed. everyone immediately started cheering and celebrating, then went to run out to the lobby to say hi to their families and friends. 

eddie smiled as everyone ran off. he himself sighed and went backstage, where he laid down on a crash mat that they had used last spring. he immediately started grinning and kicked his feet up in the air, squealing. his face was bright red with joy and passion. even though richie didn’t like him back, this was quite possibly the best night of his life.

“well that was the most adorable thing i’ve ever seen.”

eddie sat up quickly and blushed to see richie standing there.

“i- didn’t you go say hi to anyone?” he asked.

“they can wait,” richie said. he sat down on the crash mat next to eddie, not looking over. “so, amber got sick?”

“um, yeah, she did,” eddie said, also refusing to look over. his heart was pounding, even harder than before the first time they had kissed.

“not gonna lie, i’m really glad she did.”

eddie’s heart skipped a beat.

“oh?” he asked. “why’s that?��

“i’ve always wanted an excuse to kiss you.”

eddie’s face burned. he felt richie’s hand on his cheek and was gently pulled to face him.

“you were incredible out there,” richie whispered. “and let me tell you, i’ve never felt fucking butterflies like i did tonight.”

eddie was speechless. “i- what do you-”

“i like you, eds,” said richie, smiling softly. “i always have. i don’t know if it was just me, but i really, REALLY felt something tonight. i’ve never kissed someone like that before,” he added. “i was always saving my best kiss i had in me. i was saving it for you, i think,” he said. “i wanted it to be as perfect as possible. and eddie, that was better than every goddamn dream i’ve ever had about kissing you.”

eddie felt a sudden wind of bravery.

“oh yeah?’ he said, his gaze flickering to richie’s lips. “is this better than your dreams, too?”

and with that, eddie closed the gap between them.

[joy-in-opera]

Hh... can't sleep. Anxiety is being dumb. But also existential shit, and I kinda need to put it somewhere.

Many worst-case scenarios have run through my head. Losing family members being among the worse ones, etc... but of all things, I wonder if I could face speaking with old friends I use to talk to back in HS... my choir directors included.

They were both kind and helped push me toward music, a life-long passion of mine, and one that still burns bright. They gave me opportunities to develop my musical talents and I'm forever grateful for everything they did... but they don't know a lot of what has happened since I left HS. They don't know about my Ehler's Danlos Syndrome, and the various issues that it entails. They don't know that I'm in constant pain, and will be for the rest of my life... they don't know the extent of my anxiety, and how it has prevented me from seeking better jobs out there, or trying to push toward performance. ... and now that I'm trying to push toward being a music teacher myself, even with the help of a vocational rehabilitation program, I still find it very difficult to take the small steps toward sending in applications...

Would they understand that I fell short of my aspirations? Would they be disappointed? Would they feel like the effort they put in was wasted on me? I genuinely don't know, but I also understand that I'm thinking the worst of the what-ifs. I genuinely feel like a failure, like I'm floundering in whatever life wants to throw at me and my family next.

I'm the 2nd child, the eldest daughter, in a family of 7 kids and 2 parents. All of us have health problems in some way or another: my mother's EDS is worse than mine is, among a myriad of health issues, and she already owns a wheelchair she uses. My older brother has an autoimmune disease where he needs to be on medication for the rest of his life, and suffers from rheumatoid arthritis. My 1st younger brother was hit on his motorcycle back in 2020, royally fucking up his knee to the point he needed cadaver tendons; he is still dealing with the aftermath and all that entails physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. My sisters have varying degrees of physical health problems and mental illnesses: depression, anxiety, one hit puberty too early, another needed surgery to fix her bowed legs, and all us sisters and my mother have Gastroparesis. My 2nd younger brother suffered with anxiety for so long that he went catatonic at one point and needs to be on medication for it, ontop of dealing with scoliosis developing that we need to keep an eye on. My father is among the luckier ones in this merry group of ours, but he's still been beat up in his own way. He's broken so many bones in his body and spine, that a medical professional was surprised he is still walking and working... not to mention having a heart issue as the cherry on top.

I want nothing more than to take care of my family... I want to take care of the people around me that I care about most. I don't want myself or them to have to want for anything, or cry in the middle of the night wondering how to pay for medication or procedures that will help improve their quality of life or just keep them alive. ... but I feel helpless. I can barely scrape by with the little I can do myself, and late at night like this, I want to give up. ... But I can't do that. I shouldn't do that. I have to keep pushing and going because there has to be better days ahead. There has to be days where the pain is more bearable, where the anxiety doesn't have a chokehold on my ability to move forward, where I can help my family and friends through their hardest times like they've helped me through mine.

... and yet, with all this being said, the thing that I'm most scared of in this moment in time, is confessing everything to people I know IRL? It's funny... you're crawling through the fire and the flames only to be scared by a little jumping spider in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't make sense, but y'know... anxiety doesn't make sense sometimes; or, most of the time. I've cracked jokes during traumatic experiences and kept a calm and level head, but then turn around to have a mental crisis over how the people I know/knew IRL would respond in light of... all of the everything. Maybe it's an easier thing to fret over, instead of everything else? I don't know.

I know the steps I want to take from here to keep moving forward. ... I'm scared, I have doubts and insecurities, at times I feel stuck or frozen... And goddammit I gotta figure out how to put away how much I care about what folks think.

But for now I'm still here, and I'm content with that. I don't plan on going anywhere, and I count that as a win.

[transgirl-gaming-thoughts]

My Thoughts On: Virtual Console

I don't think I've done this yet?

Hey there, it's Alex! Wow, seems like all my blog posts are about a decade late to the discussion? I mean, even the whole idea of a blog like I'm running feels dated in a bygone era. Oh well, i don't really care, this is fun!

I love Virtual Console! The idea of playing all your favorite older games digitally on a more modern console at a fraction of the original price is revolutionary! The Virtual Console brand started with the Wii Shop Channel where you could purchase them using Wii Points (that's a whole topic unto itself) for previous Nintendo platforms, such as the NES, SNES, and N64, but some third-party support came in the form of Sega's Master System and Mega Drive/Genesis, SNK, and even Commodore 64, what? They had some pretty niche games on here, but also many of the biggest titles like all the 2D Mario games, Metroid, Zelda, pretty much anything you could ask for! They were missing some classic N64 games like Banjo-Kazooie for obvious licensing reasons with developer Rare's acquisition by Microsoft, and GoldenEye 007 which recieved a Wii remake. Other games like Earthbound or Panel de Pon weren't available because they hadn't yet reached the level of popularity they hold now (especially in Earthbound's case).

Quick tangent here, but I still think the DSi should have gotten Virtual Consoles. I mean, it already had an eShop! There were DSiWare games being developed just like WiiWare games! Plus, they removed the famous Gameboy Advance slot (or "Slot 2" as it's officially called), so this would be the perfect opportunity to make users repurchase their favorite GBA games, and maybe GB/GBC games that were previously unplayable on the DS, and install them on the DSi! They probably could have squeezed NES and maybe SNES VCs on there too if they tried. This was such a huge missed opportunity that would've added validity to the DSi, and could've truly pushed the DS to being one of the best consoles ever, even more so than it is now. But I digress, moving on!

After the Wii came the 3DS, sporting the 3DS eShop and, you guessed it, portable Virtual Console! Yes, finally, handheld VC titles! The 3DS ended up having Gameboy, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance (exclusive to Ambassador Program), NES, SNES (New 3DS only), Sega Master System, and Sega GameGear.

The GBA Virtual Consoles only had a small handful of titles released alongside the eShop, and were only available to download for free by members of the Ambassador Program, users who bought their 3DS systems before the price was cut a few months after release. They later introduced SNES Virtual Console, which is amazing! But instead of putting in effort, they said "Oh, uh, the old 3DS isn't strong enough to run SNES games, you need a NEW 3DS" and really? Is it too weak? You mean if I open my original model 3DS right now I won't see a fully functional homebrew SNES Virtual Console collection? Really? Moving on...

After the 3DS, Nintendo quickly released the WiiU as their new home console! This too featured an eShop, and Virtual Console! This time, GBA was available to everyone! They also added DS Virtual Console, which is very cool in my opinion! From what I hear it wasn't executed very well, but that's such a unique idea! They also added certain Wii titles to be downloaded and installed, sort of like a VC, but not part of that brand. Those will forever be in a state of purgatory...

And finally, we come to the Nintendo Switch, and... nothing. Nintendo has completely done away with the Virtual Console brand, and broken my heart. Instead, if you sign up for Nintendo Switch Online, their online gaming service, you get access to NES and SNES apps loaded with a bunch of retro games, but most of them are just random things most people don't care about. If you upgrade to the NSO Expansion you get N64 and Sega Mega Drive/Genesis apps, but again, so far there's just not enough games to warrant the huge price jump of the Expansion. So far there's not a whole lot of value to the service, and we're still waiting on more to justify it. Personally, I'm thinking GameCube would be good candidates for this line, and a GC app would make me instantly upgrade!

As a more recent update, Gameboy was added to NSO, and Gameboy Advance as a part of the Expansion! This is a great step forward, but its not everything they need to add value to the Expansion. Still, good job, Nintendo!

The Virtual Console name has a lot of history to it, and a lot of fond memories from gamers such as myself who remember downlaoding and playing all sorts of games on Wii and 3DS from older consoles. Today, as the brand has been done away with on Switch, and the 3DS/WiiU eShops closing, it seems that era is ending... but don't forget! With homebrew you cans till find the installable files online and put them on your console! There's also tools to make your own custom injects for the 3DS! We can still enjoy new VC for many years to come with these wonderful tools from dedicated developers.

Thanks for reading, and be sure to ask questions and suggest new post ideas in my ask box! Stay safe, stay hydrated, and God bless! Happy gaming to ya!

~ Alex