#rambles of the mentally ill

[cup0fcocoa]

I can't sleep so I'm about to make it everyone else's problem. Get ready for JD ranting

Okay I have a LOT to ramble about but I'll get miscellaneous things out of the way ig

1) in the Danceverse the gloves serve a purpose outside of coaching: they provide a humanoid disguise for the dancers to dance in. Sara, being human, is the only one capable of taking off her glove and not changing at all, but for any other relevant dancer this will not be the case. There's different levels of how odd the Danceverse citizens can get- standard level which is just an every day person (who is usually not a coach), a middle spectrum where a dancer has access to powers but no altered form, and those with altered 'true' forms. The glove and its magic were first introduced by the Traveler and Si'ha Nova as a way to maintain consistently between prominent dancers or anyone who just felt like being humanoid. However, the glove's power got to the wrong hands, and soon one certain sorceress would manipulate this gift for her own selfish desires.

The glove by itself still has side effects though, such as the transformation from true form to humanoid form being unavoidable and (usually) painful- especially if a dancer were to be something like a ghost, doll, or being with a drastically irregular body shape. Ghosts would have to relive their death every time the glove is removed, dolls would lose their sense of humanity, etc etc; to make matters worse, not everyone has free will over their glove use- it's all dependent on what supernatural being a dancer is and the circumstances of their situation.

2) general relations in my mind are scattered and usually organized by group. It'd be a lot easier and faster to understand if I just made a chart tbh but for the most part with one exception the groups I have get along well

3) there's no set timeline for me yet but I've already worked out several plot points with a gist of how things will go. Due to Wanderlust's ability to both open/use portals and open windows into the past and future, it's very easy to integrate arcs dancers from old games go through as something that occurred before the plot of JD23. I can make the entire elemental war canon as well as a way to isekai my favorite dancer to meet my second favorite dancer and have them interact I am a Genius

4) Night Swan deserves to be way more powerful. Not enough people remember she was able to best Wanderlust- the son of what we all know is the king/god of the Danceverse- even if briefly. She has the power to open gates to other realms (something we only see Wanderlust and Traveler capable of previously) and brainwash/mind control dancers with one fell swoop. The minionization process should definitely be a lot longer and WAY more painful, especially since victims literally turn into mindless bird soldiers- which leads me to my next point. In order for Wanderlust to fall prey to her power, Night Swan must've used a lot of magic on him, so much so that I believe it only makes sense if his capture had more severe aftereffects. The way I personally represent this is through his flares- his soul was tarnished by her black magic, causing him to occasionally spasm and basically relive the pain of losing body autonomy. These flares hurt him and anyone who approaches him, putting them in danger as well. He can't be cured, so Jack Rose has to stand back and watch his savior suffer at his hand knowing he can never reverse the damage.

5) speaking of, Jack Rose has siblings, two of them to be exact. While I could say who they are that's just no fun. I do have a drawing of a younger picture of the trio planned out though hopefully. Growing up isolated in the Swan tower was horrid, and both siblings left prematurely: one was kicked out and practically disowned while the other ran away never to be seen again. Jack's boa cape and brooch are hand me downs from them, given as gifts not long before each sibling left his life. Now that he himself has fled the tower and has a deity boyfriend capable of teleporting whenever he pleases, Jack plans on finding and reuniting with them again

6) on the continued topic of siblings, Pulse and Haze are also related (Pulse being older). This is honestly self indulgence but also Haze has the most moves similar to the extreme routine for Boy With Luv so honestly the game does my job for me

7) you know how Sara can travel from the human world to the Danceverse? Yeah the same can happen vice versa. The human world is a destination of great interest to a lot of the dancers, especially those who wish to live out lives as normal people instead of being worried over whether their glove is on right. If a dancer were to successfully cross the border however, Traveler would immediately sense it and send someone to retrieve the dancer (sometimes even escort them back himself). See, Traveler doesn't fancy the idea of invading another dimension for selfish reasons, which is the only reason he allows the rest of the fruity five to occasionally join Sara and find scattered dancers who have gone under the radar in the human world. Anyway, traveling to the human world gives a dancer a glow down and skin tone, basically the inverse of entering the Danceverse

If you're still here congratulations but also if you wanna hear more (which. I'm so sorry if you do) or just want me to draw someone feel free to send an ask. I definitely won't get to it immediately but I will try lol

[hoshizoralone]

reflection

[philsmeatylegss]

If I were Dan and Phil I would never hard launch because it’s so embarrassing that we were right. Like what do you mean you were so in love a bunch of thirteen year old’s clocked it? I would never give that satisfaction.

[goodluckdetective]

Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.

[cultofdarkwood]

thinking about how narinder only remembers the versions of his siblings that he didn't maul. there's a pretty popular (with evidence, one could argue) theory/headcanon that the bishops had their crowns mask over/aid them with their disabilities. but in the lamb's cult, they wouldn't have their crowns anymore, and they'd have to learn how to deal with their disabilities the way mortals do.

im specifically thinking of narinder seeing leshy bumping into things, heket struggling to speak, kallamar needing to learn sign language, and shamura unable to remember most things at any given time, and realizing. "I did that. That's my fault. That's what I did that to them all that time ago."

and then, on the other end, each one of the siblings seeing/realizing that the way narinder's arms and hands shake, why he has "bad pain days", the reason why he can't really do any fine tuned detailed work with his hands the way the lamb's followers can, is because they did that to him. "We did that to him. He's in pain because of us."

all of them realizing, "I hurt you and you hurt me and nothing will ever be the same. But despite everything, I still love you."

and all of them are too scared to ask, "do you still love me?"

[your-queer-dad]

Hey you. Yes you. You have been through enough, you hear me? You. Have. Been. Through. Enough.

The world has treated you shittily, you go through enough, don't do that do yourself too. Be decent to yourself, kiddo. We've only got one of you and it's the best one we have :]

I love you, I'm proud of you, go make yourself a beverage of your choice and be a little more decent to yourself today <3

- dad x

[some-pers0n]

[clowncryptids]

Do u guys think I should submit this for my activism class

I think it is a master piece and the peak of my graphic design skill

[mikajunie]

rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)

this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.

signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):

you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities

you find ways to avoid the responsibilities

every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again

when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).

you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.

you are a walking ball of anxiety

you have a fear of being perceived

there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences

below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7

some things u gotta remember

shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.

your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.

shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.

instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.

shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself

shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.

what should u do?

basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.

examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.

why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?

reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.

remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.

calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.

now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.

WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.

train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.

ok hope this helps.

[littlefankingdom]

I keep seeing people complain that William Afton doesn't have a motive in the FNAF movie but, as someone who watch true crime and is interested in the psychology of criminals, serial killers don't often have one in the sense y'all want. Yes, in stories, you are used to have a detailed motive, but motives for serial killings are often simply "feeling powerful", especially when the victims are children. Killers target children because it's easier and they can have a better control of the situation. Does it comes from deep issues and trauma? Yes, but the murderers don't always care or know. And it's a psychologist that will have to find that, serial killers often just spill that "it felt good".

It's simply about having power over others.

[aingeal98]

Something about older Jason looking at the child version of himself, the innocent victim, and feeling the need to defend and avenge him the way no one else will. They'll call him reckless and try to pin the blame for his death on some unique failure of his personality, the problem isn't Robin the problem is he was just a bad fit for Robin! And then older Jason coming back to life and spits on their twisted grief. Fuck you, that innocent child deserved more. You took his memory and ruined it to make yourselves feel better. If no one will give him justice then Jason will take it himself no matter who he has to kill to get there. It's the only way he can move forward.

Something about older Cass looking at this child version of herself, this innocent who has no idea what she was doing when she was tricked into killing, and finding her irredeemable. She will forgive everyone for everything if they need a second chance but she cannot forgive that innocent child. She spends ten years wanting that child to die for their sin, a standard she holds no one else to. And in the end she does have to die. She can never forgive that child until the price has been paid and the guilty, tormented, suicidal mess of a girl is dead and never coming back. Only then can Cass live on. Only then can she smile without feeling the weight of her kill on her back. If no one will give that child the justice they deserve then she will have to do it herself. It's the only way she can move forward.

[anqelbean]

The main thesis of bingqiu is just “I would rather die than live in a world where you're not there”. Motherfucking Shen Qingqiu was going to happily die at the end of book three, just because Binghe was there by his side, “”Dying together” also included a “together””. Binghe almost pulled a Romeo and killed himself before Mu Qingfan told him Shen Qingqiu was alive. These two are so obsessed with each other, PLEASE.

[united-under-skyfall]

isn't it funny how the most fucked up version of ylfa's story she's lived through yet is as awful as it is because of something like kindness, or maybe mercy? the woodsman didn't come. he didn't kill the wolf. i met death and death wants me to live. death wanted me to live so badly it asked something of me i couldn't grant because it would come at death's cost, and the woodsman didn't come and didn't kill death so i won't either, i'll keep waiting, so i refused and i refused and i refused until i couldn't anymore. i saw a caterpillar chasing a butterfly on the way here. i think they were friends once.

[delphisarm]

Rambling about schizophrenia/psychosis in general

[theninth09]

theo going from exploiting liams anger issues to being one of the only ones that doesnt judge him for said anger issues and actually helps him calm down and control himself? theo going from intentionally poking liam where it hurts to the show implying that theo is liams anchor?

im losing my mind over this like what do you MEAN... "that's cute, liam. is that what they told you in anger management?" "there he is, thats the IED i remember." "great, you gave super powers to a walking time bomb!" "whats gonna take it for you to explode, liam?" and thats his supposed friends talking to him???

meanwhile theo doesnt ever comment negatively on liams anger, he literally just helps him control himself again. and like yeah stiles wasnt liams friend quite yet when he made that comment and bretts and liams relationship is.. complicated but yk? so is theos and liams relationship. like theo did way worse stuff to liam than brett and he still never was an asshole about liams IED... idk just. i think about this a lot.

especially with the theo and liam both thinking of themselves as monsters thing.. like they can see each others darkness. obviously they have different issues and everything, they have like, control issues in opposite directions (liam struggling to control himself & his emotions/anger, theo always wanting to be in control of everything & everyone and not willing to let go of control) but i still think that when they look at each other they can kinda see a kindred spirit. especially when you take into consideration when liam said that he thought he WANTED to hurt scott. like yeah that was just theos manipulation but you cant tell me he hasnt had that thought before.

theo would be so good for him bc he takes it in stride & hes liams anchor anyway so he automatically helps. and liam could help theo learn how to relax.

[your-queer-dad]

Here's 20 realistic reasons not to kill yourself today. Remember, anything that keeps you alive and keeps going is enough.

1. We would miss you. I would miss you.

2. Think of all the ice cream flavours you haven't tried yet, or the food combinations you haven't tried.

3. You can't discover a new favourite song if you're dead

4. Imagine all the funny moments you'd miss, all the pointless celebrity twitter fights or the niche internet drama, all the strangers tripping in the street

5. Imagine proving people wrong and going fuck you, watching all the people who doubted you be completely wrong

6. you'll never have finished decorating your room, or your wardrobe, or your collection, you'll always have something unfinished that's worth finishing

7. You'll never be able to meet your internet friends or heroes in real life

8. Imagine how many cool outfits you would miss out on wearing, how many people would think "damn that's a cool outfit" as you pass them on street

9. Your social media accounts will stay unfinished

10. What if your favourite TV show gets a second series? You'll never know how it ends

11. You'll never get to meet a potential best friend or partner

12. You'll never get to be all the fucking awesome versions of yourself you could be

13. You have games to win and arrogant people to prove wrong

14. You'll never get to watch hour favourite movie again, or realise a crucial detail that adds a whole new meaning to it

15. You never get to see the world become a better place if you're not in it.

16. You never get to try new things with your style, your hair or makeup

17. You never get to get that tattoo, or that piercing, or that really cool piece of clothing

18. think of all the debates you would miss out on winning, the feeling of pride swelling in your chest

19. You miss out on trying a new hobby or a new opportunity

20. Your pets wouldn't understand where you went.

Are these all relatively small things? Yeah. But what's important is that you see tomorrow. You give yourself one day more, go to bed and wake up tomorrow. That's what's important, not what happens in a week or a month or a year, just that you get through today and give yourself another chance.

It's okay if it takes you 10,000 'one more days' to get to 'i can't wait for tomorrow'. It's okay if the suicidal thoughts never leave as long as you wait until later and you stay alive now.

I love you. I care about you. I would miss you. Just give yourself another day.