#razor says no!

[sluttycinderella]

Razorgate: an empirical, peer reviewed study*

*there is nothing genuinely scientific about this, it is merely a result of mental illness and unemployment.

So we all saw this right?

But after this bomb was dropped I began to get curious about the other slittenings. Did they use the same razor for all of them and no one had noticed? Do they actually own more than one razor? And if they don't, if this is truly the only phrazor, then I don't think I have to tell you that raises a lot of questions.

Firstly, I went back to where this all began, Phil's Birthday stream, to identify the razor that carved the very first slit and forever cemented itself as a part of herstory:

Now that is very clearly the Manscaped logo, no question about it. Here’s a high quality photo of the logo for comparison:

(You can also clearly see in the Twitter post that it says "Manscaped" across it but I like to double check my work and I also wanted to prove that they were both Manscaped)

And it's a good thing I did double check because OP made a CRITICAL ERROR in their post! They claim that the razor in question is the Lawn Mower 4.0 when in fact it's the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra! Unlike the PUNY, PATHETIC, UNMANLY 4.0, the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra comes with an interchangeable foil blade, a USB port, and a more advanced spotlight!

How could OP be so careless? Dan and Phil would never own an outdated razor! They require only the finest in ball shaving technology!

Also fun fact: The first appearance of the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra on the Manscaped YouTube channel falls right in between the dapg return announcement and their first video back so make of that what you will...I for one shall be sculpting my own hill out of the very earth itself, "Manscaped Sponsorship Hill", I encourage you all to join me.

So after spending far too long researching the intricacies of razors that shave an organ I don't even have, I now needed to check if it was the same razor being used in every slittening:

Here they are side by side for comparison, left is Phil’s birthday, middle is the We're All Doomed post-premiere, right is Dan’s birthday. Now it appears the WAD one is missing the logo but I'm going to go ahead and chalk that up to the poor quality of the clip I found (if anyone has a better version PLEASE hit me up so I can confirm my hypothesis). And considering the photo taken in the aftermath seems to show Phil holding the 5.0 Ultra:

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's the same thing.

“But,” I hear you shouting, “so what if Dan and Phil used the same razor for all the streams? They already said they only owned one razor so who cares?” Well this isn’t so much about proving that they’re the same razor as it is establishing a baseline. It’s hard to trust basically anything Dan and Phil say lately, what with piggate and the “pillow” bar and the fake view from the Phouse, knowing that they aren’t lying about only having one razor (to the best of our knowledge) is crucial in figuring out what exactly is going on. Remember, we’re doing science here.

And with that in mind: In my professional opinion, I can say that for all three slittenings, the Manscaped Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra was the weapon of choice.

Sidenote: I went down a bit of a rabbit hole of Manscaped reviews during all of this and apparently Manscaped razors are kind of just a scam. This razor is $109 and they try to trick their customers into subscribing to their "Peak Hygiene Plan" which you don't actually need by offering a deceptive discount and hiding the terms where people aren't likely to see them. So yeah, fuck Manscaped and I for one think we should cancel Dan and Phil for not ethically consuming under capitalism.

But that's beside the point, we know that they indeed only have one razor and that that razor...is for balls. What does that tell us?

Conclusions

There are a multitude of conclusions one could jump to in the light of such a revelation, I shall display them in a convenient numbered list for your viewing pleasure:

One of them prefers to use straight (lol) razors to shave their...you know...I don't actually know if this is a thing people do or if it's even possible, people with balls please sound off in the comments, thank you

Only one of them actually shaves in which case I support them as an infamous pussy hair enthusiast (iykyk)

They share a razor (Please, God, no, that's actually disgusting)

Either way, this thing was on someone's balls and then it touched both their faces so I really hope they cleaned it properly!

Alright, so that whole exploration may have been a bit useless, it indeed only confirmed what we had already been told, but I spent literal hours comparing photos of ball hair trimmers and I'm not one to admit defeat. Consider yourselves peer reviewed, Dan and Phil, and maybe check out Beardscape instead! Apparently they have better, more comprehensive razors for the same price.

If anyone even more demon than me has any corroborating evidence (maybe of them using straight razors at any point or anything else razor related that they've said in the past) please let me know so I can take it into consideration! Thank you all for your time.

[whaliiwatching]

sparks fly

cleared the smoke for you

[ianthedebonair]

remembered this ask and wanted to make a sequel (kinda)

[druidposting]

[Narrator: Phineas plays anxiously with the bead of caenum on his abacus]

[kasugayama]

sinking into the floor

[maybe-a-dinosaur]

iwaizumi hajime can skateboard. matsukawa issei cannot.

this is a point of contention between them bc issei thinks it fits his aesthetic and hajime is a “fuckin loser”. iwaizumi raises one slit eyebrow wearing torn double knee pants tattered nike dunks one elbow and one hand bleeding drops his godzilla board (with one yellow wheel) skates away. issei groans he has tried and failed spectacularly and is too lazy to really put energy into it but he’s still mad. tooru rides by on his bike no hands double-flips off matsukawa where is he going he doesn’t look back . issei can ride a scooter and that’s it unfuckingbelieveable he’ll have to make it a bit or something his ankles hurt already just thinking about it. hanamaki can roller skate it makes him taller and is faster than walking w minimal energy he skates backwards talking to issei while he’s walking looks down condescendingly. matsukawa doesn’t even wanna be the next tony hawk just wants to be able to ride his board to school or the store or whatever but noooo he so much as looks at a skateboard and trips. he settles for sitting at the skatepark with his mismatched socks watching hajime hoping he hits a rock and eats shit and wishing death upon tooru bc they are a package deal.

[gothmothgoblin]

im tired, im tired of pretending and believing in hair-free karlach & toned/muscly gale. karlach literally has dreads. shes been a prisoner, shes “punk” she would NOT shave her pits. she would not shave her pussy.

HOWEVER!!! gale literally eats magic and has 2 max strength, bro WOULD be chubby. he WOULD have bald pussy. dont fight the truth, lets all be adults here.

[gogolstoelicker]

Dorm leaders with a Razor!MC

a/n: totally lost the pookie who asked for this but if by some miracle yk its you, pls dont beat me up for taking so long </3 /j

also if tumblr did smth weird with the bullet points again, point ur guns at the app

its one week before my exams so im using my adrealine for smth!!

You are generally good-natured person who considers your wolf pack your family and becomes enraged if they are hurt by other parties. You love your wolf family but dislike the fact that you aren't fully like them. You considered the few humans you do encounter to be your friends and are willing to protect them from danger if it means sacrificing your and your pack's dinner for the night. You are a quick thinker. You are also honest and forthright due to your limited exposure to human life. You are not used to speaking and only speak in short phrases and words, finding it troublesome, but you continue nonetheless.

Riddle

my mans stopping you like this to take a look at your uniform

pookie, youre a lil messy rn -he said this in anger, I'm just giving you the nicer version

its ok, he helped you clean up a lil after!!

u absolutely trying not to mess up the collar and tie up bcs its so uncomfortable:😢😔

it always goes back to the messy version as soon as hes out of sight or its half the day already

he wont find out (i lied he absolutely did)

he can always count on u to tell him the truth should your friends ever do smth bad

"broke. chair." while pointing at ace and deuece

they have tears in their eyes as riddle approach them

honestly some of ur behaviour makes him go⁉️

fr thought u were a beastman or smth

then found out youre just a human whos lived with wolves their whole life

FUCKEKEKE REMEMBER THAT TIME IN HIS OVERBLOT WHEN HE WAS TALKING ABT PARENTS

u being an orphan as he goes on with his speech: /JOKE

ace beats his ass up for u its ok

him trying to figure out how they didnt try to eat u🤔

he didnt try to stop u but that wont mean he wont go😅😅

ALSO eat ur veggies pls

hes chasing u around heartslabyul trying to make u eat a wee bit of carrots

Leona

"veggies:( bad:(" "so real"

^ur real time convo

whenever youre given food with veggies, u pass it off to leona

leona then pass it to ruggie who then muched it off

he absolutely told u to give ruggie any veggies btw (free food for the man‼️)

ruggie is forever happy to receive free food

he actually thought u were a beastman too because of your scent

"r u a jack kinnie?" he would ask (he didnt ask it like that)

turns out you just got raised by them

idk savanaclaw might be an ok? place for u? considering most of them r beastman there

like its not even surprising to see u practicing with them every morning anymore

ruggie dragged both u and leona by the collar to practice btw

"im all the way in ramshackle" leona surprise adopted u to savanaclaw, dont resist /J

u surprisingly get along well with him‼️‼️

leona acting like he doesnt care abt the youngsters👴🙄 (hes failing)

he totally didnt take a nap with you in his usual spots, no who did that?? pft not him

no he did NOT save u from accidentally getting hurt by your friend's troubles btw no

also, he did not mind that you do not talk much

the less words the better for him!! he encourages this (he got beat up later by the people who thinks otherwise)

Azul

youre so simple, azul actually had a great time

"pls sign this contract to save ur friends" "ok:)"

well youre homeless now (not rlly u have a home in savanaclaw)

yk those super villains laughing evilly everytime their plans r going so well?? thats azul

he didnt even need to put many efforts in trying to trick u, u just go thumbs up at him

he does not feel bad btw

he does not care if youre a beastman or not. a business opportunity is all you'll ever be to him

maybe a friend too but you'll need to unlock friendship level 10 for that

can wolves swim underwater, im sayign yes for plot reasons

anyways u came back from trying to get the painting(?) picture (?) like a wet dog

im saying nonsense rn i think i need sleep its almost 1am

he threw his head back 90° to laugh dramatically at how u reminded him of a wet dog

this is a joke, do not come for me

honestly he had to drag u away from the lounge once bcs u tried catching the fishes in the aquarium

"MF LEAVE MY FISHES TF ALONE IF U WANT TO LIVE" is what he wouldve said if hes not a professional businessman

he is a professional guys do not worry💯

honestly, he is pretty ? that you had trouble speaking

after finding out its bcs youve been isolated from the human things, he kind of goes🤔

the business in his head is controlling him before he can stop them😖🫣

would u like a potion from him to help u with that problem<33

honestly head empty rn

Kalim

rhey all thought you were a beastman and he is not an exception

is def surprised bcs ur ass howled one time at a full moon

he witnessed that, he had the front row seat as witness

he lets u do ur thing its ok

even asked u if its family tradition HELP /J

"oh man u have such fluffy hair"

he said before trying to touch it and realising its literally tangled all over

him and jamil whos right next to him

were u raised in a barn??

kalim assumed theres no hairbrush in ramshackle

u dont have to worry bro, kalim is more than happy to stock u up with some hairbrush

"oh its nothing much dont worry😊🙏‼️" the literal gold handles on the hairbrush:

u dont have to worry abt not speaking much, he speaks enough for the both of u

he spoke such strange things u dont understand him sometimes

u just nod along and gave him thumbs up

its like sun and moon but the moon is confused /j

if youre sleeping outside, he will join u btw

he brought his pillows and blanket out to have a small sleepover with u

jamil had a mini heart attack when he went to wake kalim up in the morning to see hes missing from his bed

Vil

vil when be sees u

yk how yall lived in pomefiore for a bit after the idia thing??

yeah he polished u up so much bro

u came into the dorm looking like someone abandoned u so youe only option was to live in the jungle with the help of ur jungle friends and have survived through the way of the mammals since u were an infant

and u came out looking like a brand new person

u came out of the dorm looking like u got new skin that its literally shining under light, ur hair softer and no longer tangled and no more eyebags and u smell like flowers

vil wiping his forehead after a job well done😊🙏

also he was pretty shocked when he found out u were pretty isolated from the human norms or whatever

he did try his best to break you bad habits, like literally running in mud

he also helped u with like speaking problems?

he got u a whole dictionary in case u dont know the word bro

also fix ur uniform for ueach time u try to loosen it up because its too suffocating for u

if u try to loosen it up one more time, he'll add the veggies in ur plate

he absolutely does makes u eat ur veggies

he'll tie u down a chair and make u eat them even

/j he wouldnt. he have rook to help him with that

Idia

him after he fixed ur dorm with the greatest and newest updated quality just for u to sleep outside

he gets it, youve been raised this way

but he just fixed it for u bro😢😢cant u at least sleep in there

grim sleeps in diff rooms every day bcs of the upgrade and u did this?? /j

oh well at least the outside kind of looks better now too he guess....

u dont even use the tv, u dont know how it works

"people in there real?" "? no ?"

he beats u in every video games ever because u literally could not keep up with technology

hes slaying everyone and youre wondering how to make ur character walk the way u wanted them to

u accidentally drowned somehow in the video game

he feels a tad bit bad for u

he cant bond much with u because like

hes quiet, youre quiet

hes a modern dude, u dont even know whats a phone

he likes video games, u prolly like hunting for food

if you two r in a room together, the only people who r talking r literally the wind

"whoosh whoosh whoosh🌬" whoosh whoosh🌪

Malleus

he spoke enough for the both of u (its abt gargoyles)

he actually spoke so much confusing words for u

u looked at him like 😃🫨 (ur head is spinning and u r dying)

u can always ask him if u dont understand tho

he will explain in another paragraph but its ok, at least u understand now

barely actually

ur brain hurts and its fried from talking to him since he use big words

he did try to use simpler words for u!!

oh u two can kind of bond i think

youre both not familiar with technology so it will work well

u know those faces grandparents make when looking through new technologies

like the eyes squinting and eyebrows furrowed look with thag confused look

yeah thats the both of u

u both try to figure it out together (it did not work out)

yall asked lilia for help

peepaw is into the trends, he can help the both of u dont worry!!

he saw how messy you could be sometimes and went damn

he'll fix u up with magic its ok

show me funny things, magic man

anyways its a habit of his to fix anything in ur appearance whenever u have ur nighty walks

like u have this dirt on ur white uniform? say no more.

theres a damned branch in ur hair (dont ask how u got that) and its tangled in ur hair?? he got u pookie

part of ur clothes r literally ripped off because god's knows what youve been doing in your free time??? u dont even need to ask bbg

[quicksilversnails]

Rating Chapter II Princesses based on whether you would be able to hug them in their routes

The Damsel already canonically hugs you, and she’d do it again! (if that would make you happy) 5/5 would hug again :>

The Witch absolutely would not trust you getting close enough to hug her: she’d either interpret it as you getting close to try and stab her, or as yet another attempt to gain her trust and betray her later. If you tried, I think she’d bite you, or try to swipe the knife from your hands while you’re distracted. 1/5 just give her the blade instead

The Beast has no interest in hugging you: she's much more interested in consuming you, actually. The only way I could see you getting close enough is if you played dead, then jumped up to hug her once she approached you, but even that would be short-lived (and so would you. your life would be short.) 2/5

I don't think The Prisoner would willingly hug you: sitting too close to her is enough to break her trust, let alone trying to directly touch her. It's only logical: when someone has a history of being possessed into attacking you, it's wise to keep your distance; and that's not even accounting for her lack of agency in the situation. I guess you could hug her body after she decapitates herself... but that's gross on so many levels. The Prisoner doesn’t strike me as the type to enjoy hugs anyway, regardless of extenuating circumstances. 1/5 no one is happy with this.

The Adversary is only interested in fighting you head-on, but I don't think hugs and passionate violence are mutually exclusive. It's about the connection you share through physicality, y'know? The Stubborn would gladly hug her as he drives your blade into her side, and the Adversary would gladly hug you to crush your bones in the strength of her embrace. 5/5 for a passionate and reciprocated hug! 

I doubt The Tower would properly hug you herself because any attempt to do so would probably crush you, which wouldn’t be such a big deal for her if it didn’t involve using her hands. I could see the Broken hugging her by sort of clinging pathetically to her ankle, and the Tower might accept it as an act of utter devotion to her. 3/5 

The Spectre isn’t usually possible to hug, being a ghost. She becomes corporeal for a moment while ripping your heart from your chest, but hugging her then would be difficult since she’s actively restraining your movement, and she definitely wouldn’t reciprocate given the circumstances. You could also hug yourself while she’s possessing you, and if you were kind to her earlier I think she’d appreciate the gesture. 4/5 you could make it work

Hugging The Nightmare would be challenging, since physical contact with her breaks the Paranoid’s focus and lurches your body towards imminent death. That being said, in those cases the Nightmare initiates the contact rather than you, and you are capable of stabbing her with enough conviction. Maybe in one of your many forgotten lives before the Moment of Clarity, you could've concentrated your will in order to hug her? (I mean, you had to get the Smitten somehow...) As for how she’d feel about it… maybe she’d find it cute, in a pathetic way? Maybe she’d find your struggle meaningless, knowing how futile it is. Or maybe, being the vessel who desires companionship but only knows how to hurt, seeing you so driven to deliver a show of compassion would resonate with her…? 3/5 for physical psychological and emotional damages

The Razor thinks hugs are great! She loves it when you come within not-stabbing distance of her, which is of course necessary for a hug, so really you should just come closer now!! I think she’d happily reciprocate the hug only to sink her blade arms through your torso with a laugh. 4/5 would be nice while it lasted

You could totally hug The Stranger while you’re freeing her and slaying her and leaving her to languish alone in the basement. Everything's possible, right? The Contrarian would probably get a kick out of it too if he wasn’t being consumed by the horrors. As for once she’s converged into a single form, I don’t think they'd resist a hug from you, but they also wouldn’t reciprocate it. They'd have too many conflicting feelings… Strange Beginnings would hug you though! all/5

[schrutexbucks]

Alright well....Give my regards to the squirrels.

The Vampire Diaries S1 E17 Let The Right One In

one gifset per episode 17/171

[mightiermarvel]

Absolutely stellar Razor Ramon fit from 1992

[random-bi-writer]

Hot Take: Dia is the braincell of the Sinnoh Trio

[feenmies]

greedy

[mermaidfromhell]

In honor of the selfcest debate on twt have some self loving yuris from games I like

+ a white bg version

[weirdbabs]

HHHHMMMMMMMMM??????

[razorblade180]

Me:I’m a pretty normal person.

Also me: I’m surprised nobody has drawn Lyney and Lynette in Andy and Leyley’s clothes.

Friend:Why would you want that!?

Me:Low hanging fruit is sometimes very hilarious when it’s cursed.