#sassy remus

[movienerd22]

Harry and Remus meeting on the bridge.

Remus: you have your-

Harry: mothers eyes I know everyone tells me

Remus: I was going to say your father’s eyes. He had terrible eyesight aswell.

[missmarauderbvtches]

James to Sirius: are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Sirius: Ye-

Remus: Bold of you to assume he thinks

Sirius:

[willsolace-loml]

u think u can hurt me, i survived straight white james "the ally" potter, 2020 marauders fandom, october-december in the marauders fandom. i survived crimson rivers AND art heist baby getting actively updated, and then finished

[addsalwayssick]

Remus commentating on quidditch

Remus: Potter currently is not paying attention to the bloody fucking game as he’s too busy watching Black. Oh and not big black, baby black.

Remus: Baby black- er- sorry- Slytherin seeker misses the snitch by a foot, only missing it because Gryffindor chaser James Potter winked at him.

Mcgonnagal: Remus. That’s not at all what you are supposed to be commenting on this match.

Remus: What do you mean that’s not what I’m supposed to be commenting on? You want me to talk about how fine Sirius’s arse looks in the-

Mcgonnagal: Remus.

Remus: Fine. So we’re like losing 150-140. Because JAMES WONT STOP LOOK AT-

Mcgonnagal: Remus!

Remus: Sorry! Gryffindor beater, not Black- Mckinnon- bats the quaffle away beautifully. Mckinnon is my favorite person on Gryffindor right now.

*Outraged shouts from Sirius and James, and a joyous whoop from Marlene*

[laprettieststar]

>>Not mine<<

[sweetnnaivete]

i bring a sort of kind unattractive adrianne lenker-coded loser remus lupin to the marauders fandom that remus the casanova of gryffindor tower truthers don't really like

[ang3l0fde4th4ndd0gs]

Remus Lupin = Logan Howlett

Sirius Black = Wade Wilson

I do NOT make the rules 🥰

[neyney2010]

Lily: Just try going on a date with him!

Remus: No!

Lily: But you said you wanted a serious relationship! he wants one to!

Remus: I said I wanted a Sirius relationship actually...

Lily: ...

Lily: Is that not what I fcking said?

Peter *Who was trying not to get involved*: ... oh fUCK MOONY!!

[alyx-shjw]

rp culture is rping as a sassy character and calling another character the weirdest names.

my current favourite is Janus calling Remus a moronic sea cucumber.

[yesnoidkiguess]

wolfstar pirates au!!

[lexithwrites]

Christ I go so feral for too sweet all I imagine is Sirius Black it’s actually a problem at this point

[willsolace-loml]

SMNS GOING TO HAVE TO PRY BIPOLAR JAMES POTTER, SASSY PETER PETTIGREW, AND FLIRTY REMUS LUPIN FROM MY COLD, DEAD, WITHERING HANDS!!!! NO ONE COULD EVER MAKE ME HATE YOU. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM

[neongreenllama]

Cherish

@wolfstarmicrofic

cw mentions of sex, nudity, (none of it is explicit or even sexual), excessive use of the word ‘lover’

--

Sirius sighed in contentment as he leaned back into the warm water filling the bathtub. He’s had a long, stressful week full of politics and business meetings and loud teenagers. Months, if he thought about it. Years.

But today he had a free day and for once nothing to worry about for the upcoming week, and he intended to cherish every last –

A gentle knock on the bathroom door disturbed the peace and quiet he had built for himself.

He sighed as the door opened a tiny bit, just so a head could poke in.

“Pads? I really need to piss.”

“Come in, don’t mind me.”

Remus entered and closed the door behind him.

“I’m really sorry to disturb your well-deserved bubble bath, but I’d rather not have to go to the garden and be watched by Mrs. Dawson.”

Sirius waved him off. “Eh, I don’t care. What better sound to accompany your relaxing bath than your lover relieving himself.”

He played with his foam for a while with no other sound in the small room than the quiet popping of bubbles. Then he looked up to find Remus giving him a very pointed look, rolled his eyes, and let himself slide down until the water enveloped his head completely, so that his lover could piss in peace. It really was nice and quiet down there, surrounded only by the calming sounds of water. Unfortunately, the bathtub wasn’t big enough to contain him completely, so his knees ended up poking out and quickly getting uncomfortably cold.

Also, he wasn’t a fish, so he did need to breathe sometimes.

He emerged just as Remus was finishing up and bit back all the comments he wanted make because he knew they would not be appreciated. Just as he was about to ask Remus if he would join him, the door swung open again – no knock, he thought he’d raised him better than that – and a rude teenager waltzed in only to stop in his tracks at the sight of them.

Sirius threw his hands in the air.

“Oh, please, come in. Let’s all piss together as a family. What’s privacy anyway?”

“Er …” the rude teenager said.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Remus said and turned to leave.

“No. Stay,” Sirius drew the words out and reached for Remus’s arm to hold him back. “Join me?” he asked with the sweetest voice he could muster and played with the bubbles to lure him in.

The annoying teenager made a disgusted face. “Maybe I’ll just go to the garden, come to think of it. If Mrs. Dawson asks, I’m fertilizing the flowers.”

“No need,” Remus stopped him. “I’ve work to do anyways.”

And then his lover closed the door behind him (gently, not like other people) and he was left with one moody teenager.

“Go on, then. Do your business.” The annoyingly moody teenager did, and Sirius leaned into the warmth one more. “Will you join me, then? We can play battleship like we used to.” He accentuated his speech by splashing the water.

“Ew, no. I’m not sharing a bath with you.”

Sirius shot him a very dirty look. “I liked you better when you were little.”

“I liked you better when I was little too,” the sassy teenager shot back, and Sirius had to put him in his place by splashing the water at him.

In his attempt to duck out of the way (failed. miserably.) he made a mess.

“Ugh. Aim. Jesus fucking Christ, have I taught you nothing?”

“You –“

“Clean that up,” he interrupted before this could be mistaken for a democracy.

The hormonal teenager rolled his eyes but surprisingly did as he was told – probably because he realized how disgusting he was.

“Get my lover for me, will you?” Sirius spoke as he was finishing up and getting ready to leave.

“Eugh! Stop calling him that!” the hormonal monster that came in the deceivingly innocent form of a teenager spat, making a very disgusted face.

“What else should I call him? Boyfriend? We’re not sixteen anymore. Partner? We’re not cowboys.”

“Anything but that, it’s gross. What happened to good old 'Moony'? Or ‘Remus’?”

Sirius ignored his question and frowned. “When did you start thinking our love is gross? When I had to explain to you what sex was because you walked in on us when you were five – “ he kept talking over the loud groan that erupted “– you asked what it’s called and I said ‘It’s called making love’ and you looked at me with such awe when you asked ‘You can make love?’” The door slammed shut but Sirius kept telling the story he’d told a hundred times to the empty room. “And with big eyes you asked me ‘Where do you put all the love that you make?’ My heart melted. And I said ‘We give it to each other.’” He put a hand to his chest where his heart was. “’And sometimes two people make so much love that they make a baby. Like your when they parents made you.’ And you nodded like that made all the sense in the world. You were so adorable.”

Sirius closed his eyes and breathed in the quiet that came after he had finished speaking. Then he dipped his head under water once more, letting himself sit in total peace for a while. When he emerged, Remus had quietly entered the room.

Sirius smiled sweetly at him. “Changed your mind?”

Remus smiled back. “You’re hard to resist. Work can wait.”

Sirius played with his bubbles while Remus got undressed.

“What happened to our cute little Hazza?” he asked into the companionable silence.

Remus huffed as he pulled off his last clothes.

“Hormones,” he answered, confirming Sirius’s suspicion.

He scooted forward so Remus could get in behind him – the only way they fit into the tub.

“I miss little Harry. He was fun. We should have cherished him more.”

“You seem to forget how much he kept us on our toes,” Remus said as folded his long limbs around him. “You have to see the positive side. We get way more time for ourselves now.”

He settled in and Sirius leaned back into his chest, sinking into his lover’s arms and just che –

“What did you do to Harry by the way? He seemed very put out.”

“Nothing! I didn’t do anything! He started it!”

[munacy]

Thirst

Sorry this took so long everyone! AND THAT IT’S SO LONG. Here's Part 4!! Written for (I just tagged everyone who expressed interest in the continuation, sorry! I can totally untag you if you would like!): @stars-a-n-d-scars @shirablu @b-u-g-g-y @over-under-through1 @colgatebluemintygel @thebisexualswiftie @willow-paniking

Part 1: Ignorance

Part 2: Duck

Part 3: Anticipation

@wolfstarmicrofic

Prompts: lovesick, cupid, hate, darling, regret, affection, admirer, thirst

------------

Peter loves James dearly, his most fervent admirer, even. But he must admit, he lacks something Sirius has in troves: the ability to be smooth.

In the midst of their plotting, the three of them hear Remus returning to the dorm, and Sirius hisses at James and Peter: "Quick! Laugh as if I've just said something funny!"

Remus opens the door to a laughing group of Marauders, looking charmed and slightly bemused.

"Moony! Come join the fun, we've been wondering as to your whereabouts," Sirius smiles at Remus in a way that Peter can tell Sirius knows looks handsome.

"Ha! Funny that, I was just looking for you in the Hospital Wing. We must have totally blown past each other."

"Yes, well, when you've got one thing on your mind...."

Remus huffs mildly. "And just what were you three giggling about?"

"Oh, y'know. Snogging," cuts in James, according to plan.

"Snogging?"

"Or rather, our piss poor first attempts at snogs."

"Ah yes, mostly we were laughing about Prongs' attempt at snogging Kashmir Anders in Fourth Year," Sirius smirks.

Remus chuckles. "That did go awry, didn't it? He's still got that little scar on his earlobe if you look close."

"Say Moony—" Sirius sounds decidedly casual, and Peter's hairs stand on end, "—Have you ever snogged anyone?"

This is it. Peter can feel it. This is when they solve the mystery of Remus Lupin's sexual orientation.

He grins slyly. "I've snogged my fair share, I'll have you know."

Peter can't take it anymore. Subtlety be damned; he's never had much patience: "But what was in their pants!?"

One could have heard a pin drop in that dorm, but the fury on Sirius' face spoke for itself. Oops.

Remus looks decidedly shy as he answers, completely misinterpreting the question, "Well, I've not gotten quite that far, Pete."

Peter could jump off of the Astronomy Tower.

"Oh, but that reminds me!" Remus starts animatedly. "Part of the reason I was looking for you, Pads, was about Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"It was?" Sirius replies, looking shocked and hopeful.

"Yeah! Funny coincidence, really, I've actually asked Kashmir Anders to go with me, but get this! She says she'll only come if you agree to go with her mate, Opal Hendricks. Did you know she's got a bit of a thing for you? Ah, but of course, everyone does," he chortles good naturedly.

Sirius looks aghast. James looks aghast. Peter doesn't know for sure what he himself looks like, but he's got a suspicion.

"...Why do you all look like that? Look, I know Opal's a bit—”

"I'd love to."

------------

Sirius is regretting his entire life.

Look, my back was against the wall! he'd argued with James and Peter, who'd lambasted his idiocy. There was no good excuse for me to say no!

He thinks now that any excuse (can't, I'm going to do my own homework for the first time ever and my grandmother's scheduled to die this weekend) would have been better than voluntarily suffering this.

Opal Hendricks is clinging to his arm, and she's truly a vision: dark, curly hair, an even curvier body, and sleepy cornflower-blue eyes, and Sirius feels not a drop of desire for her. There are horrible little cupids, felt hearts, and red crepe paper all around them, even though Valentine's Day is two weeks past, and any sane business owner (which is mutually exclusive to owning Madame Puddifoot's) would have taken the blasted things down.

Far worse is the sight of Remus: he is wearing a fitted crimson turtleneck and a matching beanie with a silly pompom. It brings out the cursed copper tints in his hair and the honey flecks in his eyes. Where have the oversized, patchy jumpers gone? The ones that hide the broadness of Remus' shoulders. Sirius begs for the return of the jumpers. Sirius may faint soon.

And worse yet than all of that is Kashmir Anders. Kashmir, who is blonde and waifish, and soft-spoken, and wears adorable thick-framed glasses, and has legs up to her neck. Kashmir Anders, who is clever, and president of Charms club, and helped Remus master the Banishing Charm.

"Aren't you going to pay any attention to me?" mutters Opal sullenly.

Kashmir, who has absolutely no decency, hanging on to Remus all day, and has kissed his neck no less than two and a half times in this shop alone. Kashmir, who is being called darling by stupid, idiotic, Remus Cunt Lupin.

"Darling, have you figured out what you want yet?" says Remus a little tiredly whilst rubbing his face. The shopkeeper has been by a few times now, with an increasingly impatient "I'll come back later" spoken each trek.

Sirius decides he hates Kashmir, whose greatest sin, if Sirius is being truly honest with himself, is being indecisive at restaurants. But even so, the hate has boiled away all of the rationality in Sirius' brain. He stands before he realizes what he's doing.

"I cannot believe you're calling someone darling, who, who can't pick between a ham sandwich and a, and a fucking tuna melt!" Sirius hisses, pushing his chair away roughly with a great clatter.

As he leaves the suddenly silent tea shop, he recognizes that that was not one of his better slights, but he feels good about it all the same.

The feeling does not last long before the horror sets in.

------------

Remus is having a strange moment.

It's not unlike the moment he often has a few minutes before the moon turns him: intense clarity and perception, like a reprieve, just before he's enveloped in madness.

Sirius' increasingly tense, then outright rude comments to Kashmir this entire trip into Hogsmeade.

Sirius' angry, yet lovesick expression as he left the table.

Sirius fussing over him after the Full. Sirius making sure he eats three meals a day. Sirius' friendly touches, special, and warmer than anyone else's. His overwhelming affection for Remus, bleeding into everything he does.

James' and Peter's knowing looks.

It suddenly clicks, and Remus is left baffled.

"So," says Opal, sounding incredibly bored, "s'pose he fancies you, then, Lupin?"

Remus can feel his expression morph into an incredulous smile.

He feels like he's been crawling by his fingernails through a dry, burning desert, and it took setting a glass of ice cold water in front of him for him to realize that he's been dying of thirst. He feels like an idiot.

"S'pose so," he replies, sounding inappropriately calm. "Ladies, I am truly sorry. You are both devastatingly lovely, and this is the height of rudeness, but I'm afraid I have to go now."

Kashmir sniffles, looking forlorn. "So, d’you—do you fancy boys or girls?"

"Darling, I think that's besides the point," Remus murmurs distractedly, already inching for the door. "Clearly, I fancy Sirius. A discussion about anyone else is moot."

Moments later, Sirius spots Remus tracking his footprints in the snow, and takes off running.

Remus is much faster than him.

He tackles him into the snow, gasping, "You silly sod, look how short you are! Obviously I'm going to outrun you!"

Sirius sputters and scowls, still trying to squirm away like an angry, feral cat. "I am THREE INCHES SHORTER! Look, why don't you piss off? I'm embarrassed enough as it is!"

Remus laughs. Then he kisses Sirius. It's a clumsy thing, with Sirius fidgeting underneath him, and he only gets half of his mouth, but Sirius stills in shock.

"I didn't know," Remus says breathlessly, eyes bright. Then, he kisses Sirius again, hard, like a stamp, like a confirmation. "I didn't know." He laughs again.

"What didn't you know?" asks Sirius wonderingly, like he's been Bludgered.

"I didn't know the way you felt. I didn't know I felt the same way," he answers solemnly.

Sirius sniffles, smiling, cheeks red like apples.

"God, Remus, you're so ignorant."

------------

They spend the rest of the day in Hogsmeade hand-in-hand. Every so often, Sirius becomes insecure and wonders aloud if Remus is just doing this out of pity, like when he pretended to like chess for Peter's sake. Remus responds by kissing him obnoxiously and crowding his space. It happens often enough that he begins to suspect Sirius is doing it on purpose to get snogged. Remus finds that he doesn't mind either way.

Later, they find James and Peter, who are screaming with triumph and delight. Remus grins at them.

"You two are fucking idiots. ABBA? Really?"

[midnightarrow]

Watching Disney's Hercules and thinking about Drarry and Jegulus.. can't even watch a kids movie without thinking about those little sh*ts 🤦🏽‍♀️❤️😎

[sometranssoup]

My really out there Harry Potter head canon is that Hermione and Remus are cousins. Also here's a rough family tree so y'all understand my vision.

Faith and Hope's last name is Lupin. Hope took lyalls last name whilst they were married but she changed it after they divorced (in 1965). Faith isn't quite sure who Angela's father is. Everyone was given religious names except for Remus. Hermione started going by her middle name at the start if Hogwarts. Faith and Hope's mother and father were southern but moved to England in the 1957 when Faith and Hope were about 15 (yes that means Hope had Remus at 17-18) Faith and Hope are twins. Angela was born a few years after Remus and they grew up very close. Close enough that Remus is considered Hermione's uncle.