#she empathizes so strongly

[raainstorms]

Karen Page Appreciation Happy Moments (1/3)

[diesoonandsuffer]

this moment from “The Empath” makes me want to bite glass every time i watch it

[Video Description: A short clip from the Star Trek episode “The Empath”. There is no dialogue. Bones hesitates before walking away from Spock. Spock slowly sits down next to an unconscious Kirk, looking at him as he does so. The Empath, who has started to follow Bones, stops and looks at Spock. She appears intrigued, curious. Her and Spock make eye contact before Spock quickly turns away, looking down at his device. The Empath makes her way to Spock and places her hand on his shoulder. Once she does, he snaps his head up, alert. There is a zoom in on The Empath’s face as very sweet, lovely piece of orchestral music plays. The Empath smiles. End clip.]

[kinopio-writes]

Hi! Would you be willing to write something for Adam with a sensitive reader?

Everyone knows that he is loud-mouthed jerk, even reader, and she loves him regardless, but one day he crosses the line and says something particularly mean that makes her cry. Like REAL mean. To the point that he pauses because he did not think before speaking (or, well, less than usual lol)

I'm happy with whatever format you feel like using! Thank you!

A/N: I will be more than delighted to write that for you. But would you excuse me for a moment? AHHHHHHDISJDIOEOFJSKXJND—I’m sorry; I love this idea so much. Reading ‘Adam with a sensitive reader’ got me hooked instantly. But I’ll go over that in the headcanons, along with the general stuff. And I’ll add a oneshot at the end that plays the exact scenario of Adam taking it too far.

Holy sh!t. I made it so that the reader being sensitive is their greatest but also weakest point and it turned out pretty angsty. Has a bit of hurt/comfort, though. Did I go overboard? Maybe. That’s why it took so long. Sorry, anon.

Words: 2,328 (edited the end a bit because it didn’t sit right with me)

Warnings: Sex is mentioned (only a bit, surprisingly), Angst, Adam being Adam

———

Adam w/ a Sensitive!Reader

• ha, this man is also sensitive himself

• well, sensitive about himself

• he feels his own emotions strongly, so he’s not the caring, easily able to pick up on other’s feelings and empathize type of sensitive

• you, on the other hand, are on the opposite end of the spectrum compared to Adam

• so you experience other people’s emotions just as strongly as yours

• you easily know what makes someone tick

• you’re selfless

• you’re able to admit your mistakes and apologize

• you’re respectful and actively listen to people when they talk about themselves

• you don’t push people down to make yourself seem better

• you try to make everyone feel good and comfortable

• you’re everything he isn’t

• because you fit in Heaven perfectly

• you deserve to be there

• and Adam knows that he doesn’t belong (subconsciously at least)

• you’re able to draw people in just for being yourself

• and he’s envious of it

• so he demeans you and is snarky about everything you do, and every time people give you praise or affection, he tries to divert the attention to himself or just stares at you with utter hatred from afar

• although all of that is just when he hasn’t even had a conversation with you

• after a while of being around you, he’ll cling to you because you give him the reassurance and validation he oh-so craves (he acts as if he didn’t hate you before. What do you mean? You two were always buddy-buddy!)

• you acknowledge all of the things he puts his worth to

• heck, you hang out with him—you sometimes even initiate it—willingly, and you’re genuinely interested in everything he has to say

• but he‘ll only hang out with you where no one recognizes you (so you don’t get all the attention)

• terrible transition here, but he notices that you mimic people’s expressions often

• he definitely makes fun of you for it

• and also mocks you

• up until he realizes that you do the same thing to him, too

• which is fine and all, if only you didn’t do that when he’s upset

• well, you mimic him when he’s joyous as well, but he (already subconsciously) expects you to. I mean, why wouldn’t you? He’s fucking hilarious!

• so you copying his negative emotions just stands out more

• and he…doesn’t like it

• that’s only really what he doesn’t like about you

• and the fact that you hog all the attention

• and the fact that people see you as perfect…

• buuut what happens when he gets to see a new side of you that isn’t exactly upholding that image?

———

Your phone lit up from your bedside table, brightening your otherwise dark room along with the soft glow of your halo. You only moved your eyes to the light, not wanting your tears to spill and dampen your pillows.

You had an inkling as to who was texting you this late—if the fact that your phone lighting up several times in the span of 5 minutes had anything to say.

When the texts stopped pouring in after a few seconds, you heavily sighed, wings ruffling. You resisted the urge to rub your face as you went to grab your phone.

HEY (2:34) HEY (2:34) HEY (2:34) ARE YOU UP? (2:35) I’M BORED (2:35) GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE (2:36) IF YOU’RE UP (2:37) ARE YOU? (2:38) DID I TELL YOU THAT BITCH WITH THE HUGE TITS GOT FIRED TODAY? (2:39)

Figured. Of course, it was Adam. He was the only person you knew who’d be awake at this ungodly hour. And the only person you knew who’d disturb your peace if it meant curing anything that ailed him. Which was now about boredom, it seemed.

You read a few of his texts displayed on your lock screen before tapping one of the notifications and opening the app, scanning the rest of the unread messages.

Adam was going on about ‘that bitch with the huge tits’—her name was Tiffany, you were sure—and how she was rumored to have slept with an archangel to assume higher authority. He also went on to complain about how he didn’t have the chance to bed her anymore since she was basically deemed an outcast and that he couldn’t be seen with someone like her.

You frowned, not believing any of it, but you didn’t have time to think about it enough when he began typing again.

SO YOU’RE AWAKE (2:43)

You barely finished reading the new message when another one popped up.

DON’T IGNORE ME BITCH (2:43)

You frowned deeper, quick to type out a reply.

i’m not (2:43) i was just reading your texts (2:43) don’t worry (2:43) i’ll be there soon (2:44)

When he stopped typing, you placed your phone back on the nightstand, sitting up on your bed as you carefully wiped away your teary eyes. You hugged yourself for a moment, wings functioning as a cocoon while a hand tugged on your hair.

Today had been draining—both mentally and emotionally. Just like the day before, and the day before that. But you didn’t want to think about it, lest you start to cry some more and smear your face with tears this time. What mattered was that everyone was back on their feet again.

Since you didn’t bother changing into your sleepwear when you got home, you only checked your face in the mirror to see if your eyes were puffy or not. You then took in deep breaths, holding up your drooping wings before putting up a charming smile.

You couldn’t stay in the bathroom for long, quickly leaving to tread the path to Adam’s.

•••

“BOO!” Adam’s masked face suddenly peeked from the corner of his hallway, earning an indescribable scream from you as you jerked back. He burst out laughing, brows creased in confusion but also amusement. He couldn’t even make fun of you for getting scared. “What the—what the fuck was that scream?”

Recovering rather quickly as you blinked, you only smiled at him. You were expecting him to wait for you on his couch as his front door was left unlocked, but you weren’t complaining; his action took away any drowsiness you just had.

When Adam didn’t hear you laugh with him, his laughter subsided as he opened his eyes to look at your face. He raised his brows and placed the back of his hands on his hips. “What’s up with you?”

Shit. There was no way Adam was seeing through you.

“Nothing; I just love hearing you laugh.” You heard a tiny squeak in response. “Anyway, what did you make me come over for? Surely not just to scare me.” You moved past Adam and tightly crossed your arms, entering his spacious living room.

“Pshh, fuck no. You’re so easy to spook. Though that was a first. Didn’t know you could hit high notes, (Name).”

You didn’t know what to say to his…compliment? And sort of insult? Was it really either of them? Should you thank him? But in a sarcastic way? No, you weren’t known for being sarcastic, so he might think you were being genuine and look at you weirdly. And it would also seem highly egotistical.

Not as if Adam had much to say about that…

You tugged at your hair when you caught yourself with those thoughts. Shit, that’s so rude! You can’t think that! You shouldn’t think that!

You settled on an awkward chuckle, making yourself appear smaller as you averted your eyes to his TV space.

It was different, certainly. The modular couch pieces were rearranged into a pit sectional. And it looked as though he had chucked a bunch of pillows and one large blanket as an afterthought. It appeared messy, but at least it looked cozy.

“What’s this?”

“Hm? Oh, well, since you were taking your sweet ass time coming here, I thought to switch things up a bit.” You flinched when his head appeared right on your shoulder. “What’d ya think?”

“It looks super comfy.” Adam wore a goofy grin behind you as you walked closer to the area and noticed that he already prepared snacks on the low table. “Is this a way to say you wanna do a movie marathon?”

“You know it, baby.” He flew past you and landed on the sofa, patting the space beside him with a smile you just couldn’t reject.

•••

Heaven’s natural light beginning to peek through the open windows indicated that it was already dawn. Thank goodness you didn’t have work today.

You two—or rather, Adam—had settled on watching the film series, Die Hard. Every single one. You didn’t mind, but you didn’t understand why Adam invited you over if you two were just going to rewatch the film series for the eighth time.

He had also been pretty immersed in the large screen in front of him, so he hadn’t attempted to converse with you ever since the first movie started. In all honesty, he could have just watched them all by himself.

But you didn’t question it. This time was the same as the last seven, after all. You always concluded that maybe he just wanted someone to watch movies with, no talking necessary. Even if the no-talking part sounded a bit out of character.

Was it though? Because he did that quite often. For instance, he constantly brought you along to whatever mundane errands he had to do during the weekdays and never really talked with you unless he found something cool and pointed it out.

Although, the earlier times you tagged along with him on his errands, he kept yapping his mouth off about the ‘totally awesome’ things he does. He talked about music, his own albums, his band, women, sex, and himself as the first-ever man.

As time went on, however, the talking was replaced with silence. You wondered if he just ran out of things to say or if he found it unnecessary to talk anymore.

You also sometimes wondered what was going through his head when he thought you didn’t see him glancing at you while he was doing something he believed was boring.

The sound of Adam’s stomach rumbling broke you out of your train of thought.

You both looked at each other blankly as if either of you were to blame.

He blinked to break the eye contact between you. “(Name), I’m hungry.”

You snorted, facing ahead. “You ate all of our snacks before the first movie even finished.”

“Don’t blame me.” He hugged the pillow he held tighter. “I’m still fuckin’ hungry, though.”

You hummed as you reached for your pocket. “Do you want me to—oh. I…I forgot my phone.” You frowned. You never forget to bring your belongings.

Adam merely stared at you, unblinking.

You averted your eyes and held your legs tighter. “Uhm, We could get delivery if you want. Can you lend me your phone?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He casually tossed you the device before laying on his back and looking up at you. “I’m down for anything.”

His phone hit your knee before you could catch it, silently landing on the cushions. “Are you sure?” You picked it up, opened his unlocked phone, and stared at his basic home screen.

He didn’t really use his phone that often to know that it could be changed. He only really used it to fetch one-night stands or occasional dates, text, play music aloud, look at outdated memes, take random blurry photos, and right now, order delivery.

“Totally.” His crow’s feet displayed on his mask as he puffed out his cheeks.

“Because last time you said that, you didn’t like what I had to pick.”

“That’s because the 5 ʼn 2 is so fucking overrated!” he suddenly started to complain. Your wings ruffled. “Jeez, I swear, every fuckin’ time I take a chick out and ask her what her favorite eatery is, basic bitches always go, ‘Oh, bREaD & fIsH, ceRTAinLy’ or ‘bReAD & FiSh’S a cLAsSIC’” He used his hand as a puppet to imitate their words before waving it. “Like, helloooo? Can’t you see the joint that’s literally on the other side of the street’s a hundred times superior? It’s cheaper, too, unlike Bread & Fish. Overpriced ass. You get me, right—?”

“Then you pick!” Adam jumped at your volume, and your eyes widened upon noticing yourself. You quickly gave back his phone as you turned your face away from him, and he slowly took it with a weird look.

“Shit, chill, (Name). The fuck’s up your ass?” He kept his gaze on you before turning to his phone.

While he was serious about his opinions of your bland tastes, he didn’t think it was that personal. Your preferences were the same as everyone else and that was boring. He was just being honest. And you usually didn’t take the things he said that seriously.

“Adam, I’m sorry,” you spoke up after a moment of silence and ran a hand through your hair. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“ʼs not a problem.” He was still a bit weirded out, but he was willing to shrug it off.

You insisted, however, “I mean it. I’m not mad at you.”

“Okay…?” he muttered when he saw a notification pop up from Lute. Her message consisted of how some of the exterminators got into a quarrel during roll call and the ones involved got injured in the process. She said she was going to discipline them.

Adam did not want to know what she meant by that and was most likely not going to stop by their place today.

“Really. I’m not. Sorry. It’s just that yesterday’s been…”

“Uh-huh…” At this point, Adam was not listening to anything you were saying. But when he still heard the static noise that was your words, he groaned. “Look, sweetie, I really don’t give a fuckin’ shit about your fuckin’ apology, ʼkay? I don’t fuckin’ care. Now what do you want?”

You saw Adam’s confused yet concerned expression after he looked up from his phone and immediately noticed that you were starting to cry. You instantly turned your face away as you carefully wiped your eyes.

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m not crying because of you.” You didn’t know if that was true. You didn’t know if you were crying because of his words or were crying because of everything else.

That was the first time he ever used a sweet petname for you in a long time. He only ever used that to demean or mock other people.

Shit. Stop thinking—you were going to cry more. But even after carefully wiping your eyes away, new tears kept flowing. You couldn’t stop. This was humiliating. You wanted to disappear. You didn’t want anyone to witness you in this state. It was mortifying.

“Shit.” Adam’s voice came out panicky as he held his hands out towards you, but he hesitated. Hesitated in what, he didn’t even know.

He…didn’t think you could cry.

Adam didn’t know what to do; this emotional shit wasn’t his thing. He couldn’t ask you to leave, he knew that much, but he didn’t want to leave himself. This was his place. Why should he leave?

So, he did the only thing he could do in this situation.

You suddenly felt something warm envelop you.

You didn’t look up, but you knew it was Adam. You could feel the texture of his robe on your hands and the side of your face. You could feel his hands on your shoulder blade, but you couldn’t quite feel his arms on you.

You stopped wiping your eyes for a moment.

No one had ever hugged you before when you were sad.

No one had ever let you be sad.

Adam heard you sob.

Fucking great. He made it worse. What the fuck was he supposed to do then?

But when he went to unwrap his arms, he felt yours slip around his midsection, pulling him closer than before as he grunted from your firm hold.

So you wanted to be hugged? Alright. Whatever.

Adam slowly hugged you back after you muttered a ‘sorry’ and loosened your grip.

The next seconds were silent, so when he heard muffled words coming from you, he looked down. You also looked up moments later when he didn’t respond, realizing he must’ve not heard you.

Your gaze softened as you two held eye contact, and with teary eyes, you smiled. “Thank you, Adam.”

Something about his expression changed, but before you could stare any longer, you felt a hand behind your head push you back to his chest as the arm on your back held you tight.

“Yeah, whatever…”

[patrickzvveig]

i keep seeing the take that "Katniss doesn't love Peeta she's just trauma bonded to him" it's making me lose my mind.

First of all, all the superior TikTok and Twitter psychologists aren't even using that term correctly. A trauma bond implies an abuser using the trauma as leverage. Neither Katniss or Peeta are abusive and you can't even make an argument about that so automatically this idea is untrue.

but more importantly- what's wrong with, outside of the abusive context, using trauma as a bond? Why does that mean that they can't love each other? This idea is so ridiculous. Peeta understand best (more than Haymitch and the other victors) what Katniss is going through. Very few people can provide emotional support to her. She has severe PTSD and the most powerful man in the entire country is attempting to plot her assassination because she's been made the face of a rebellion, in an act of defiance Peeta was also present for. Peeta, already astoundingly sympathetic to her (and others), is able to fully empathize with her. They have a shared past and have an experience that nobody else in the entire history of the games has ever had. Like are you saying Katniss feels strongly towards him because he understands and can relate to her? literally what is unhealthy or weird about that? It would be one thing if Peeta was abusive but he's not. In his normal state, he has never used the games or the shared bond they have against her and his basically only used it to help her, as well as himself.

like the basic implication is that people who have similar trauma don't actually love each other, which is just so astoundingly untrue it's really hard to even wrap my head around the idea. and if the idea is that Katniss and Peeta never would have been together if they hadn't been reaped (or she hadn't volunteered) is also not very smart, because it quite literally doesn't matter. These are the events that happen in the book and the alter Peeta and Katniss' understanding of both one another and the world at large. 2 hunger games and a rebellion is bound to fundamentally change a person in some way.

[n3xii]

why you're an icon (pac)

maybe a year ago i started (but did not finish) a series where I did posts describing why you're an icon. Today I plan on continuing that- this reading will describe why people are drawn to you and what they love most about you. today's muse is Fairouz, also spelled Fayrouz, Fairuz in English. Her name in Lebanese (hopefully pls correct if mistranslated <3) :  فيروز, check out my services if you're interested in a personal reading : services

Fairouz is one of the most famous Lebanese singers and is considered today to be a major icon in the Arab world. Listening to her is my gateway to middle eastern music especially arabic pop in the 60's and 70's. One of my favorite things about her is the way she performed, according to her Wikipedia page she would be known to take a rigid, cold stance while performing. She claimed that the nature of her performances is because she is singing as if she were praying. a user on Pinterest called her the middle eastern lana del rey and i will never recover. anyways, select your pile and I will have a song by the queen for you to listen to.

PILE ONE-

cards: king of cups, queen of wands, 6 of cups, mars in pisces

song: Fayek Ya Hawa

you're a captivating, magnetic person. You have a way of capturing your passion with a almost childlike wonder, you remind people of what it's like to be a kid again and to just love something from the bottom of your heart. You have an ability to channel complex emotions from such a poetic perspective, you have this ability to channel your inner child when it comes to what you're passionate about. you possess a borderline psychic ability to portray emotions especially though creativity, you communicate things in such a way that it just resonates with so many people.

with the mars in Pisces card, this tells me that you are someone dedicated to understanding, empathizing and connecting with people. you have an unlimited range of creativity and a very developed imagination. you have such a way of wanting to help people feel understood, you're strongly motivated to act based on how you feel and as well as how other people feel. this motivation may even be self sacrificing at times. people love that you have a boundless sense of empathy. you dont withhold sympathy for anyone, you have the capability to connect with people regardless of who they are or how far they are from you.

PILE TWO

your cards- mars in leo, the emperor, two of swords

song: Sayyef ya sayf

you carry of confidence that demands power. You make decisions with certainty that regardless of what you do, you will always end up exactly where you need to be. People love that you're not the type to listen to other people, you drown out the voices of people trying to distract you and challenge the inner strength you have.

You have the tendency to take over and lead, and even if you arent aware of it, you influence people around you. the influence you have over the people in your life cannot be understated. you thrive when you are able to direct others. in fact you presence and personality type may be ''overbearing'' for some people, you're just not the type to shy away from expressing yourself and taking the lead. to some that may be perceived as confrontational and overpowering but many people actually love that you weren't born to be a follower.

people like you just know how to get things done. you excel at everything you do and take pride in your work. people love your ''ego'' and confidence. you're not afraid to overshine people. besides, its not your fault that people dim their own light.

PILE THREE

your cards: mars in taurus, page of cups and justice

song: Saalouny el nas

first of all, this pile has a clear foundation of right and wrong and you're willing to stand on that no matter what. people love that you're almost stubborn about what you believe. you're willing to go and fight for it and defend yourself against anyone.

but at the same time, this pile is very emotional and sensitive. your morals come straight from your heart. You're raw and vulnerable and you're willing to protect your heart more than anything else in this world. Sensitivity is seen as a weakness, but for you its your number one strength. its the quality that makes you willing to fend for yourself and other people. I knew someone like this in real life- upon first meeting her you might assume she was intimidating, scary, and even mean. but i watched this girl be brought to tears at the sound of a baby crying, I watched her fight against people who were stealing, I watched her loose her temper over anything that she felt disrespected her and her friends. By no means was she considered weak; she was vulnerable about what upset her, she was vulnerable about her mental health issues, and that made her strong and intimidating to people. it made me respect her more than anyone in my life. if you fucked with her, you were the one who ended up suffering. that's who this pile reminds me of.

I also feel that this pile is strongly motivated by their taste in fashion and luxury, people love your taste and its one of the things they remember about you.

[zoeykallus]

A bit of a specific ask: the f! Jedi General assigned to squad 99 survived because of them and is still mourning weeks later. But she keeps it to herself because the clones couldn't possibly understand how her connection to the Jedi through the force just heightens the grief. She’s been frustrated and lashing out (sensory overload?) and Hunter finally tries to soothe his General that he’s always held a flame for. she didn’t realize it but Hunter gets it. The overload when sensory input is just too much. Maybe starting as fluff then progressing to more passionate/masochism as she releases the anger? I can just imagine pulling in that delicious hair of his and hearing him talk about how he can smell her

😳

Uhm, let me try 😅

Wasn't sure how far I should go, so I was kinda careful and just hinted some things (mostly).

Hunter x Jedi Fem! Reader One-shot - Perceptions And Senses

Warnings: Strongly Suggestive/Fluff/Sensory Play (Is that a thing?)/ 18+

_________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_________

You are still here, days after Order 66 reached its climax. The loss still sits deep in your bones, like an echo the death cries of so many, like one, resound muffled within you. Far away, yet buried so deep inside you. You have become very silent, more silent than the boys of CF 99 are used to from you. But they let you grieve in peace, they can imagine that you are suffering, even if they can hardly grasp the extent of it. They can't empathize with how you feel, how the Force acts as an amplifier of all this death, this grief. You lose your patience more quickly, sometimes you get frustrated, you react gruffly to your surroundings, even if you regret it shortly after. No one blames you. But Hunter seeks your closeness more often, quietly, gently, unobtrusively. You enjoy his closeness, he's like a calm pole, something to orient yourself to when the spiral of painful echoes pulls you along again. You sit under a tree not far from the Marauder, but out of its sight. You try to organize your thoughts, to take a breath, maybe to meditate, but your thoughts are so jumbled, so painful, they just won't calm down.

"Are you okay?" You look up startled, you were so focused on yourself that you didn't even notice Hunter. "Sure," you say quietly. Hunter looks at you scrutinizingly and says, "Why don't you tell me the truth?" You frown critically and are about to react angrily, but you see his gentle expression and restrain yourself. He sits down with you and says calmly, "General Skywalker once told me that the Force can be overwhelming, especially when there are many negative things happening around you. The Force amplifies perception, and something like sensory overload can happen as a result." You blink, then sigh, anticipating what Hunter is getting at. "Put simply, I suppose that may be partially true," you say quietly. He nods and explains, "Through my senses, I have that sometimes, too. Depending on where we are traveling, unpleasant smells, sounds, vibrations overlap. It can throw a guy off balance quite a bit." "You perceive almost everything, don't you?" you ask, curious.

"Yeah, pretty much. I can smell hormones, fear, body odors, just about anything. Metallic noises can be hell, and the vibrations in big cities sometimes give me a violent headache. Some days several of these things overlap at once. It can get on my nerves." You look at him and say quietly, "The Force is my friend, but sometimes my torturer. When Order 66 was executed, so many Jedi died, I felt them all, heard their echoes, felt them just disappear. I still feel and hear the echoes sometimes, coupled with this feeling of emptiness, of loss." He gently reaches for your hand and says, "I'm no expert, but maybe you need an outlet, something to blow off steam, empty your head" "I don't know if it's that easy," you say doubtfully. "I didn't say it was easy." You sigh, then ask curiously, "You can smell me too can't you?" "Yes, of course," Hunter says with a small smirk. "What do I smell like when I retreat, like today?" you want to know.

"Hmm," Hunter thinks for a moment and says, "It's a sour smell, slightly bitter, something that blends into your actual smell, which is actually much more pleasant" "Oh," you say quietly, "So you like my smell?" "Usually yes" His voice has taken on that tone again, low, deep, slightly smoky. It tingles under your skin and you feel warm. You look at him and he smiles again. "I can smell when you're taken with me too....." Your eyes grow wide for a moment. "Taken?" "Aroused." Your mouth pops open, but no words pass your lips for the first moment. He continues to speak with that one pitch, "When I speak in that voice, your body immediately responds" You blink and say, "So you're trying to manipulate me right now?" He shrugs gently and says, "A little bit maybe, I want to make you feel better." You feel a little annoyance, but also more of that strange warmth, you feel strong impulses that you can't place, and you reach out of one and grab his hair. Hunter tears open his eyes in startlement, but he doesn't fight back. Suddenly, he throws himself forward, your hand still in his long, dark hair.

Your heart is racing wildly, it's so warm, it's tingling, it feels surprisingly good, whatever this is. His face in the hollow between your shoulder and neck, he takes a deep breath and murmurs, "rage, arousal." It happens automatically, your thighs wrap around his hips and he presses even closer to your body, you feel the hard codpiece clearly between your legs. The heat concentrates on the triangle between your thighs, you feel the tingling as your muscles tense and automatically your body seeks even more contact with him. You whisper to him, "Can you make me forget, if only for a moment?" Hunter growls softly, close to your neck, "I think I can, but are you sure that's what you want?" "Yes, I'm sure." His hands are so fast under the fabric of your clothes that you almost feel dizzy. His touches are demanding, yet gentle. Hunter seems to know exactly what he's doing.

His fingers glide over your skin, each touch leaving a small, tingling firework. You open your mind, feel him very clearly, the desire, the lust he feels, the affection towards you. It feels so intense to perceive him in this way, his presence, his sensation spreads like balm over every dark corner of your mind. You concentrate fully on him, his touch, his perceptions and let yourself fall.

"Hunter?" "Yes, love?" "These moments when I need your distraction may well happen more often," you hint.

Hunter gently bites your neck, sending a shiver through your body before saying, "That's okay, I'm ready for you anytime"

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

@bandnerdlevel43

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Finding character motivations for everything Talia Al Ghul does and says in Lost Days

People say she was manipulating Jason to be more violent but like... was she?? Why would she be doing that??? She spends years trying to heal him for Bruce and then tries to make him more violent towards Bruce because... ????????

I've read Lost Days a fair few times and it never felt like she was being cruel or manipulative and this has confused the fuck out of me for a long time. Since I'm going to be writing her into my Jason centric fic pretty soon, I figured it would be good to go back to Lost Days and really focus in on her and her character motivations.

This is a post because I do my best thinking through the act of writing essays, and figured someone out there might also be interested.

tl;dr In the text as written Talia does her level best to guide Jason to become a Hero again out of genuine compassion. It is her explicit goal to make Jason less vengeful, less violent, and more like the hero he was before he died. She is not predatory towards him, and the only times she works in ways that could be damaging to him are when she feels her own safety is threatened by him. Talia is depicted as a good but flawed person shaped by the trauma Ra's and the League has put her through.

So yeah, wildly over detailed analysis of everything Talia does and says during Lost Days under the cut:

Scene one: Ra's and Talia yelling dramatically on a lawn right after Talia uses a Lazarus Pit on Jason.

Her stated justification for doing so is "I did--what--needed to be done" (em dashes for choking). Considering she risked a LOT to do this, I figure she's probably telling the truth. She believed this was necessary.

Then we flash back to her first learning about Jason's death. She posits that his death will essentially break Bruce.

In the panels directly after this she's shown looking at a picture of Jason and Bruce, face in hands, clearly upset. Probably primarily for Bruce, but like idk she's an empathic human I feel like it's safe to say she's upset for the kid who died too, especially since the picture centers Jason prominently, with focus/close-up panels on both Bruce and Jason, with Jason's scanning first.

Then we have the sequence of her learning that Jason is still alive, through her agents who have been instructed to keep a very close eye on Bruce.

Her first big decision is to bring him to her Father. She doesn't make any attempt to hide him, so it's either a good idea to her or a necessary one. Ra's obviously wants to figure out how he managed to cheat death, and it seems likely to me, given that she's loyal to him, that she'd also want to do so. She doesn't seem to want him dead, even if she's at odds with him pretty much the whole time to one degree or another.

Then we get her investigating Jason's ressurection and the doctor she's got telling her about his brain damage and the Doc claims he's not getting better

We're just gonna breeze on passed that autistic affect weirdness...

She disagrees.

This is the third time now that Talia has had faith in the humanity and emotional capacity of people the rest of the League write off as being capable of nothing but violence. Considering she's been right the other times it stands to reason that she's right about this too. It also says a lot about her character that this is something she's repeatedly done.

She attempts to prove he's getting better by slapping Jason across the face, declaring, "He never fights back when it's me! Explain that! Never when it's me!"

This strongly suggests that she must treat him differently than the rest of the league, specifically that she treats him with more kindness and more attention. He recognizes her as someone safe, who he doesn't need to fight.

This is further backed up by the next page

Ra's then decides that all this has been a complete waste of time and demands that Jason be put out to pasture so he can't distract Talia from her work for the League.

During this argument Ra's posits that she thinks handing over a healed Jason would make Bruce love her, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I think Ra's is misreading her, in exactly the same way all of the League has been misreading everyone all issue: he's failing to understand that people are capable of actual love and compassion. He's interpreting her acts of kindness and love as something manipulative and selfish. Maybe that's something she believes or hopes for on some level, but it's obviously not her "real" motive here like Ra's thinks.

This is what makes her decide that it's necessary to make one last attempt to heal him, and get him out somewhere safer than with the League. It's a desperate last ditch attempt, but she's a competent motherfucker.

The rest of the issue is narrated as a letter Talia sends off with him in the bag of supplies she gives him. In it she says that she had other reasons for attempting to save him.

So, at the end of issue #1 we have three clear motives for why she healed Jason:

To heal Jason is to heal Bruce.

She has a basic sense of decency and wants to help a murdered kid recover. Jason healing is its own reward.

She wants to find out how Jason "survived" so that her Father might be able to replicate that for himself.

Healing Jason might bring her emotionally closer to Bruce.

ALL of these are based in love, and thus could qualify for what she meant in those last few lines of her letter. However, I think I want to emphasis that she almost certainly has to be including love for Jason himself, not just for what Jason represents to Bruce, though Bruce is still a huge focus for her.

And she didn't tell Bruce because Ra's might kill Jason. He doesn't want Batman to know he's alive, ever, and may very well kill Jason to keep that secret.

ON TO ISSUE #2

This is where it gets a lot harder to figure out why she's doing things.

Talia's first act is to refuse to tell Ra's where Jason is. Her second revealed act is that while tossing Jason into the ocean to help him escape she says this:

"Do not seek him out. You remain unavenged."

Third thing she does is check up on her loyal agents who tell her "We know where he's going You're not going to like it." This is immediately followed by the reveal that Jason is going to Gotham.

So uhhhh... Why doesn't Talia want him to go to Bruce now? Also, why does Talia think that being unavenged would mean Jason going to Bruce was a bad idea? Like how is the unavenged bit not a complete nonsequitor?

Cause the thing is, we the audience know what Jason is like in the future, Lost Days was written after UtRH, but Talia doesn't know Jason's personality, she's only met him while he was incapable of communication, so what reason does she have to assume this would impact him like this?

Hypothesis one: She knew about Felipe, thinks he killed him, and thus counts him as a killer of abusers, someone who would want revenge.

Seems pretty unlikely. There's absolutely nothing in the text to support this, it's completely made up conjecture. Also, she doesn't seem to think Jason is the type of person to do revenge all that harshly in later panels.

Hypothesis two: She's counting on the temporary adrenaline-rage-pain boost from the Pit to convince him to be mad about the whole unavenged thing.

Why tho? Like, for realsies, there's no reason for her to try to do this? If this is a plan to keep him away from Bruce, it's a dumb one, like why would that be her choice of strategy?? Also the letter contradicts this.

Hypothesis three: She believes it was wrong of Bruce not to avenge him, or at least thinks that most people would be incredibly angry to find they weren't avenged

Baring her just being fucking precognitive and knowing the future for no good reason, this seems like the most likely cause. Growing up in the League hasn't exactly given her a view of how healthy people handle their anger, and violent retaliation is a nigh daily obstacle for her to navigate. It means she told him that because she thought it was important and she probably always intended to tell him whenever he healed enough to understand it.

Hypothesis four: She assumed him finding out was inevitable, and wanted to do that in a controlled manner... uhhh... and the best controlled manner avaliable was... while flinging him off a cliff??? Instead of in the letter?????

Not buying this one.

We see Jason try to kill Bruce and then get him explaining himself to Talia.

That's... that's not how sociopathic works I'm pretty sure... whateves...

Talia seems to have believed there would have been a fight about the Joker, but not that Jason would have actually tried to kill him. Or at least not that Jason would have tried to really, truly kill him in such a cold, calculated way once all forms of Laz juice were out of his system.

So again, why the fuck was she preventing him and Bruce from meeting?! Would the Dark Knight not have survived a fist fight with an angry sixteen year old??

I don't get it. That's uhhhh- that doesn't make any sense to me. I guess she was just wary of how bad the confrontation might get, but not fully expecting this kind of rage? Maybe she was acting much more confident of her decisions in front of her father and was really worried about this outcome? I dunno, and that's all the evidence we've got!

And now we have a new problem! Why does Talia agree to help him?

She believes she's released a curse into this world. She believes that she has kickstarted a nasty cycle of violence spiral. She doesn't want to see Bruce hurt or killed by his kid.

So the only conclusion left is that she thinks she can better mitigate the damage by helping and misdirecting than she can by actually confronting Jason. Considering who she interacts with, that seems perfectly reasonable.

ON TO ISSUE #3

We get some proper answers here hopefully

Our previous idea about why she was helping him was correct, this is an attempt to keep him less violent, steer him towards other things, and let his desire for revenge fizzle or find a different target.

She's not giving him over to Bruce because Bruce would never forgive her for having kept Jason from him... And also Jason will fucking kill Bruce.

Make special note here of the idea that sex is why she isn't beating the crap out of this guy. Put a pin in that. It'll be important later.

Back down at the murder ranch, Jason finishes killing his teacher and then explains himself

I believe she's genuinely happy about this, because it is actually a step in the direction she wants him to take. He went from being completely obsessed with just killing the father who didn't avenge him, to saving a bunch of kids and delaying his own revenge goals to do it. The tin man IS growing a heart. Her plan is, miraculously, kinda working!

ON TO ISSUE #4

Further proof that her plan is working: Jason leaves Rip, the mercenary driver, alive. He's developing standards for who he is and isn't willing to kill, and those standards are evolving because he is being pushed outside his conflict with Bruce.

His treatment of the bomber's connection with the mob is further proof of this.

That little smile and her gently nudging him towards the idea that he's picking "old habits" back up is very telling. She's guiding him back to the path of actually being a Hero. I think this is meant to imply that Talia is deliberately throwing scumbags towards him to not only distract him, but also to remind him of the heroism he did before he died and give him new purpose beyond mere violence towards Bruce.

And again, her plan is working! He's doing hero stuff!

Aaaaand now we have another curveball. Why show him Tim?

Again, him finding out about this was probably inevitable. He seems more chill, the dark circles under his eyes are gone, I think she's hoping that while in the middle of a new investigation Jason will be in as good a place as she can find to tell him about this.

It's better than mid cliff dive, if nothing else.

Now, to head this off at the pass, because I've seen people assert this in other posts before: this is definitively, absolutely, 100% guaranteed, NOT WHEN TITANS TOWER HAPPENS. He hasn't even come up with using the red hood as a persona when she shows him this picture, so even if he let the extremely time sensitive bombing plot go for a day or two worth of private jetting to beat up the new guy, there's no way in HELL Tim would be able to recognize the Red Hood as Jason. Heck, Tim wouldn't even be with that set of Titans yet, the fucking HUSH plotline hasn't even happened yet!! Okay moving on...

ON TO ISSUE #5

Talia isn't in this one

Jason acts as a Hero. Tim man definitely has a heart.

I really like this plotline tbh, it's just great.

He kills all but one of the Russian mobsters that come to kill him and then he runs out of ammo on the last, and that guy offers up the Joker's location in exchange for his life.

This is when the Tin Man relapses.

ON TO ISSUE #6

CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSION OF CONSENT ISSUES

He hunts the Joker down and fails to kill him. I want to emphasis here, that failing to kill the Joker is a failure to adhere to the morals that Jason has established for himself, and a failure to keep being an anti-hero the way Talia was encouraging him to be.

This is not him being a good guy. This is him getting worse again. This is him failing to care about the world and things other than his own revenge.

Once again he explains himself to Talia, and reveals that he's known for a while now that she's been stalling him.

And then they fuck, and Jason wakes up alone.

So what just happened and why?

First of all I think the fact he KNEW he was being stalled combined with his heroism prior to the Joker being brought up strongly implies that Talia's plan would have kept working and that Jason would have kept letting it work, drawing him more and more into just being an anti-hero. He has a heart, he has morals, but his rage for Bruce and the Joker eclipses those morals pretty completely. Talia's plan was always to guide him away from revenge and it might have worked if he hadn't run out of ammo at the wrong time.

Secondly, Talia has just been given a bunch of reasons to feel threatened. Her plot was revealed, and Jason no longer has reason to believe that she isn't an obstacle to his goals.

Considering the sheer amount of violence that Talia regularly narrowly escapes only through manipulation and leveraging men's emotions, it seems pretty reasonable to me that she'd assume she needed to do both those things in order to protect herself.

She tells Jason about Ra's death, claiming that she's angry with Bruce for that. I don't know if this is the truth, but it would serve this purpose either way. She's giving him reasons to believe she's still on his side. Then she gets emotional leverage on him by sleeping with him. Take that pin out of the fact that she didn't beat that other guy for talking out of turn to her because she was fucking him. Then she escapes while he's asleep and only contacts him again from afar.

She does both of these things because she is afraid that a freshly refocused on vengeance Jason will hurt or kill her if she doesn't. After all, she herself is a killer. Jason might just decide it's her turn to join his other teachers.

The scene of them sleeping together isn't framed as traumatic for Jason; he seems to be perfectly willing.

There two very important questions that need answered before we cast judgments though: Is Jason still a minor when this happens? How old is Talia in comparison to Jason?

The only indication of timeline that we have is that it takes place JUST prior to Hush, as the story ends with Jason meeting Tomas Elliot. According to the Batman Chronology Project, Tim should be 16 during the events of Hush. We know Jason is about two years older than Tim, making him 18 during this scene.

According to Dennis O'Neil "I’m pretty sure that Talia is still a young woman – young by our standards, not just her father’s." According to some random fucker on an ancient comicvine forum going by the handle "brock4618", O'Neil said in a different interview that she was 18 when Bruce kissed her and is about Dick's age, not Bruce's age. I can't find O'Neil saying that, but it does line up with the quote we know is real.

So this was a case of an extremely traumatized 18 year old boy agreeing to sleep with a woman in her twenties after he accidentally made her feel that she needed to use sex and emotional manipulation to protect herself from his possible violent retaliation.

This is still a deeply unpleasant situation, but it's so much better than the initial impression that I got!

CONCLUSIONS TIME

Talia healed Jason because

She's a kind and loving person, and was especially kind and loving when she was younger. She wants to help Bruce, she wants to help Jason, and she wants to help her father. She did it for love.

Talia kept Jason's existence a secret from Bruce because

Her father demanded she keep it a secret, then she was afraid Bruce would hate her for it, and by the time she ought to be warning Bruce about Jason, well he was a scary motherfucker and she was in too deep.

Is Talia portrayed as a sexually predatory monster?

No. A woman using sex to escape violence is not predatory; I will fucking fight you. That whole scenario was bad, but acting like she's evil for this doesn't pan out unless you disagree with some of the facts of the case. It also really doesn't feel like Winick intended for the audience to assume this was predatory. Jason never seems uncomfortable with the fact it happened, and he even gives Jason a bit of beard scruff to help convey that he's older now. (it uh... it didn't work. Because I thought Talia was like 52 at minimum. Also just the timeline. But that was the intent I feel)

Is Talia attempting to make Jason more vengeful?

No. Exact opposite actually, every lie and manipulation is in service of preventing him from going on his vengeance quest, guiding him to be a better person, and protecting herself and others.

As a side note: I haven't touched the potential misogyny or racism angles, because that's simply beyond the scope of this analysis. I don't have the time, energy, or resources to dig into this myself, you'll have to find a different post for that angle, sorry.

So... yeah. That's my findings, I hope at least one other person finds this useful!

[aihoshiino]

chapter 136 thoughts

before i get into the sad stuff i need to say that ai eating ice cream with her head empty no thoughts expression blasted ten hundred million billion tons of dopamine directly into my brain. thank you.

This chapter is interesting for a lot of reasons but I will say up front that I'm really glad the story is taking the time to humanize Nino and to flesh out the absolute mess that are her feelings towards Ai. I was really excited when she entered the story because I had always wanted to know more about the 45510 narrator (which this chapter basically unambiguously confirms even more strongly than before — we get the 45510 drop again!) but I was worried after meeting the real Nino that she would be painted as a black and white villain. Through Kana's empathy for her and the movie's portrayal of her though, we get to see her as just a normal person.

Because like… I'm gonna be honest, I feel so deeply sorry for Nino! Like, Jesus Christ, don't forget that she was anywhere between twelve and sixteen when all this was happening. She was just a kid being brainpoisoned by the entertainment industry and held to impossible standards. She had no power and the few things she felt she had any control over were being ripped out of her grasp. Is it any wonder she reached a breaking point?

Not just that but… man, B-Komachi gen 1 just seemed like it was an utterly dogshit experience for everybody but especially anyone who wasn't Ai. Both Nino and Kyun have said it explicitly: they did not feel like valued members of the group. Saitou pushed and favoured Ai to the extent that everyone else in B-Komachi felt like backup dancers who were just there to make Ai shine brighter. We see this pattern repeated in B-Komachi gen 2, as well! I've already talked about how in a very real sense, the group only exists for Ruby's sake and Kana and Memcho really are just there as her accessories but Miyako herself is favouring and pushing Ruby for work to the extent that even Ichigo points out that she needs to give the other girls more jobs. No wonder Kana empathizes with Nino so deeply.

Something else really interesting about this chapter is getting to see what dealing with Ai is like from someone else's POV. Understand that I'm saying this as the Internet's Foremost Ai Wife Guy but oh my god!!! I think this is the first time we've gotten a really good understanding for how deeply, deeply frustrating Ai really must have been to deal with as a person only allowed to see the perfect 'Ai of B-Komachi' mask. Nino is all but breaking down in front of someone she considers a friend, begging her for the slightest bit of honesty and authenticity, for Ai to just show that she cares about Nino in the least… and Ai just gives her a bunch of blithe, noncommittal answers. Even knowing Ai as well as I do, I could almost feel a ghost of Nino's desperation and frustration pass over me as I read that exchange.

With that in mind, Nino's outburst at the end of the scene here doesn't feel like pure nastiness - it feels like desperation. It feels like her lashing out with the worst possible thing she can think to say because if she hurts Ai, if Ai actually shows that Nino's words reach her at all, if Ai's human enough for Nino to hurt then…

But, well. We already know how this all turned out. Even so, like Kana said… Ai's smile is suffocating.

Speaking of Kana, this was a damn good chapter for her. A lot of people seem to have interpreted her as getting 'lost' in the role of Nino but going by this chapter's portrayal, Kana seems to have a much healthier distance from her than Ruby does to Ai right now (BUT WE'LL GET TO THAT….), being literally portrayed as viewing the scene as if from a distance. I do think her empathizing with Nino is allowing her to examine and get out some of the hurt and resentment that's been bubbling away since Black Hoshigan Ruby but things are being so infinitely more complicated by everything else going on around this split.

Speaking of which… whoooooooof, Ruby. Her levelling up her understanding of Ai was uh, not quite as good for her as I'd previously thought. It's important to note that this is pretty clearly Ruby's feelings that she is projecting onto Ai: in 45510, Ai herself explicitly says that she never hated the B-Komachi girls and Ruby blurting this out here feels like a very pointed contrast to that. It's pretty clear to me that we're coming back around to something established during the preproduction phase: that this material is quite literally triggering for Ruby and it's damaging for her to be engaging with it.

… which is why it's so, so scummy for Gotanda to be pushing this. I'm holding back on really going into what I'm thinking of Gotanda right now because I want to see if/how the manga addresses this but I'll just say that I'm coming away from this part of the story feeling much more sour about him than I think I'm intended to. It's possible that this is just because I'm fresh off hearing Jeanette McCurdy's horrific account of how damaging this kind of acting was to her as a child but… I find it really hard to like and get behind a director who is purposely letting his actors endure intense psychological suffering for the sake of His Vision lol

After all, like… for all that he talks about wanting to film 'the true Ai', this Ruby freakout is not that! That's Ruby, snapping under the strain of the pressure put on her. Even if you want to argue Ai felt similar strain… is her restraint and her grace and patience in not giving out under it not also 'real'? Why does authenticity necessitate turning Ai's ugly feelings into a spectacle? Why does Gotanda think he has the right to make calls on what is 'authentic' here?

I'd say "who died and made him king" but that's the point, isn't it? Ai died. She's not here anymore to make calls about her identity and the people who are here and who are in a position to do so aren't actually doing it with care and consideration or proper respect for her memory. This movie has been touched by so many people who have their own agendas, who did not know anything about Ai and quite frankly have no right to be making calls about who she really was and what she really felt. 15 Year Lie is an utterly ghoulish production and nobody is coming out of it clean.

[cinderella-ish]

My evolving thoughts on who Yuki should've ended up with, and fanfic's role in changing my mind

So, I want to talk about Yuki Sohma.

Yuki is the member of the main trio in Fruits Basket with whom I most identify. I have little in common with both Tohru and Kyo, and it took me several watches and read-throughs to start to understand their characters/arcs. (I love them, don't get me wrong! I just didn't fully appreciate the depth of their characters/arcs until maybe my third time through the series.)

Yuki, on the other hand, not only had many external qualities in common with me, but the way he grew mirrored some of the ways I changed in early adulthood. His arc felt true to my life, and so he was my favorite character from my first exposure to Fruits Basket.

When I started reading fanfic, I initially limited myself to canon compliant or limited canon-divergence fics, but eventually, I dipped my toes into some alternate pairings. Interestingly, while I truly can't see Tohru with anyone but Kyo, and I can only see Kyo with someone other than Tohru in very specific circumstances, Yuki seems to work with almost everyone he gets paired with. I mean, Yuki and Machi are my OTP, yet I have probably read (and bookmarked) every Yuki/Kakeru fic on Ao3, and some of the most beautiful fanfic I've ever read is Yuki/Kyo.

This confused me at first. Deeply. If Yuchi is my OTP, why do I devour every Yukeru and Yukyo fic?

Well, I think that's because Yuki's arc is, among other things, one where he rejects compulsory romance. This is made explicit in the Cinderella-ish story (why yes this is my favorite part of Fruits Basket, why do you ask?), where he quite literally rejects the role of the prince - the role that's been put onto him by others through the series. I think his arc would have been complete without him ending up with Machi, but there are things about their relationship that make his ending so much more satisfying. In stories where he ends up with Kakeru or Kyo, Machi almost always appears as an important friend for him. I think, for him, having strong bonds outside the Sohmas that he forged on his own was the point, rather than ending up in a relationship.

Anyway, with that out of the way, here are my thoughts on the five most common Yuki pairings on Ao3!

Yuki/Machi

Yes. I love them. 1000/10.

Okay, so the one criticism I have of Yuki/Machi is that Yuki is strongly gay-coded throughout the series, and it would've been awesome to see that play out in the way it was set up. I think that's a huge part of why I connected with Yuki - his arc definitely reminded me of my own experience coming to terms with my own queerness. For more on this, see this exceptional post by @yunsoh

But there are so many moments between them that make me swoon. The chalk scene, first and foremost. I used that scene to talk to my partner about how to support me when my OCD or ADHD is bad. Then there's scene where Yuki figures out why Machi destroys things, then asks to make footprints in the snow together (and tells her he's proud of her! and sees how hard she's worked!). The way he bought her Mogeta memorabilia or figured out she likes red or understood her intent when she chased him around the school to give him a flower and just ended up getting angry at him. The way he understood she bought Tohru a bath set because it's what she would want, just because Kakeru made a similar remark. The way he lit up when he saw Machi's trashed apartment - "the sea of despair."

And the way Machi understood and empathized with Yuki. The way he lit up and started laughing when she called him an airhead. The way she said it took someone like him to notice someone like her. The way she opened up to him and always sought him out. The way Kakeru shipped them. The way he knew she would miss him if he were to disappear, and the way being a support to her was something he needed for himself. The way she accepted him as he actually was, and not the way he thought he was supposed to be. The way she broke the door down with a chair when Yuki was trapped in the storage room. The way he teased her!

They've both been put in seemingly desirable positions within their families, yet those positions are responsible for so much of their pain and trauma. They get each other at a deep level. There's a mutuality to their relationship that Yuki desperately needed. I love them so much!

PS: if you also love Yuki/Machi, come find me on Ao3! I'll be posting some Yuchi content later this week!

Yuki/Kakeru

They have a fantastic and fun dynamic, and they are always touching each other. Kakeru is Yuki's confidant and someone who makes Yuki feel safe in being himself, flaws and all. They help each other grow - Yuki helps Kakeru be more empathetic, and Kakeru helps Yuki become more comfortable with himself. I think this pairing would have also been a satisfying end for Yuki, full stop. I love them, and I will read all your Yukeru fics, please and thank you. (Also, lots of Yukeru writers are just really good writers, so there are some gorgeous works for them.)

Yuki/Kyo

So, I didn't get why this ship was so popular at first, but then I was reminded that Yuki's first thought when he met Kyo was "pretty!" They both secretly admired each other, they're written as foils for each other, and there's a reason enemies to lovers is so popular (and it's called sexual tension).

There's a Yuki/Kyo fic that I'd credit with showing me what fanfic can really do - especially in the ways it expanded the universe, found its own way of handling the curse, and developed the relationship between the two boys in a way that also grew their characters. That fic is The Pursuit of Repeating History by @mistergrass

I do think that Yuki ending up with someone outside the Sohmas is more satisfying for his character arc than someone from the Sohma clan, but his relationship with Kyo is such a key part of his arc that this could be satisfying in its own right.

Yuki/Haru

I absolutely love the relationship these two have in canon. I love how Haru looks out for Yuki, and I love how he drives Yuki a bit crazy. I love how Haru tells Yuki the things he needs to hear, like that it's okay for him to focus on himself for a while, and I love how Yuki braves the Sohma estate to check on Haru. I also love the way Haru can read Yuki like a book.

Haru's words to Yuki about finding someone who will appreciate his fragility and kindness are always so touching. Haru is almost a mentor to Yuki, in a way, or a fairy godmother. (Or a long lost sister?) The fact that he was the one who got Yuki out of isolation at the hands of Akito, or that he was the one person who would check on him just speaks to the strength of his loyalty to Yuki.

I take Haru's statement of "Yuki was my first love" seriously, because he tells Yuki he is serious when Yuki warns him people will take him seriously when he says that. I know there's an argument to be made that Haru is just being his weird self, but that gives me and they were roommates vibes.

Unfortunately, most of the Yuki/Haru fics are dubcon with Dark Haru, which is not something I enjoy reading. What I'd really love to read is an AU where they're together in high school or later, or something that explores Haru's early feelings for Yuki, or just something that explores interesting sides of their characters that are brought out when they're together.

I don't think this would be a terribly satisfying end for Yuki, but I do really love their dynamic.

Yuki/Tohru

Okay, so, full disclosure: I was #teamyuki when I first watched Fruits Basket. Yet now, they're the only pairing on this list that I don't like. Why? Well, as I said above, Yuki's arc is much about rejecting this specific compulsory romance.

Compulsory how? Well, from the beginning, the series seems like it's setting up a love triangle, but kind of tells us (more and more explicitly as the series goes on) that things are not what they seem.

I think the series does a phenomenal job of making the reader/viewer complicit in placing this compulsory romance onto Yuki. A brief aside, making the reader/viewer complicit in the thing a story is criticizing is one of the most effective ways to criticize something, IMO, because it doesn't let the reader/viewer off the hook. We don't get to say, "Look at them, they're so foolish!" We're forced to examine our own expectations and acknowledge that we were made a fool of, too.

I totally got tingles at the spa scene (pictured above), even though upon rewatch, it's obvious how much of an act it is on Yuki's part, and how uncomfortable it makes Tohru. In fact, many of their most "romantic" moments, where the shojo bubbles appear and everything, are when Tohru is acting in an explicitly motherly way to Yuki, and he awkwardly tries to flirt because he's either misinterpreting his feelings or in denial about them.

I also thought his line, "that isn't what I want!" when he tells Kakeru about his true feelings for Tohru is one of the most powerful moments in the series. It's the moment he's finally letting go of being the Princely character and choosing to be himself, for himself, because he deserves to be known and accepted - something he'd never fully believed until that moment.

I think part of why I was initially #teamyuki was because I came to Fruits Basket through the anime first, where much of the development of his relationship with Machi was cut. Also, as I said above, I didn't really get the characters of Kyo and Tohru right away, and I think that prevented me from seeing the power of their romance. The True Form arc was a key moment that I truly didn't understand until several viewings/readings later.

So, all of that is why I don't care for this pairing. I get why people do, but I do feel it undermines Yuki's agency and his character arc. It's a pairing that makes me sad when I see it, as if this character I love has taken a step backward.

(Incidentally, I've been wanting to write a fic where the True Form arc plays out differently and Yuki takes longer to realize the nature of his feelings for Tohru. I truly wonder how he would've come to that understanding without witnessing her running after Kyo. Would he have tried dating her? Would it have been a total disaster?)

Other pairings and larger relationship structures

Out of the other pairings I found, the only one I'm genuinely curious about is Yuki with Saki Hanajima. I'll have to go read those fics. They are each the "cold" half of a "hot/cold" duo (the "hot" halves being Kyo and Arisa, who are basically the same person). I'm very curious what led people to pair them in the handful of fics about them!

(Interestingly, I think it's possible to read Saki and Arisa both as having a bit of sexual tension with Kyo, but not with Yuki.)

The others include Akito, Ayame, Hatori, and Shigure - all pairings that would have a noncon/dubcon element due to Yuki's age, and that's before you get into the specific traumas that these characters have inflicted on Yuki, or the inherent power dynamics between them, or the close familial relationship with Ayame, etc...

The trio relationships are all intriguing and full of possibility. Yuki/Tohru/Kyo? Obviously. Yuki/Kakeru/Kimi? Potential for lots of wackiness. Yuki/Kyo/Haru? Could be the next Mabudachi trio.

(No shade to anyone who enjoys fics with the pairings or tropes I don't like! This blogger believes in "don't like, don't read.")

[aspoonofsugar]

Akane + Kana = Blue (Shadow) + Red (Light)

Here come 2 great girls and 2 great characters! Akane Kurokawa and Kana Arima are Aqua's 2 love interests, but more than that they are key for the story and themes of Oshi No Ko.

SHADOW AND LIGHT

Akane and Kana are linked to 2 opposite ideas:

Akane is a person who accepts others' shadows

Kana is a person who gives others hope and light

Akane is the most perceptive character in the manga. She is incredibly sensitive to the people around her and able to guess their secrets from little details. For example, she infers Ai's personal life by looking at some records. Not only that, but people feel they can trust Akane and share with her intimate information. This is true for both Aqua and Ruby:

Both siblings tell Akane a part of their previous selves' story. Akane doesn't ask for it, but listens to them. She is so accepting, she is even ready to compromise her morality for others:

She looks straight at people's darkness and doesn't flinch. She welcomes the shadow.

Kana is strongly associated with light:

The acting who makes her famous as a child is her ability to shine on the stage. Not only that, but she chooses white as her idol color and sings about becoming a full moon. She brings light into the night and helps others shine. So, she fittingly becomes a beacon of hope for both twins:

Aqua is drawn to Kana's cheerful and strong personality and wants to see more of it. Ruby wants to help Kana, even when she is going through her DarkRuby phase. For a moment, her friendship with Kana brings back Ruby's inner light.

So, Akane is so empathic she accepts people's flaws, while Kana is so cheerful she brings joy to people. Still, their juxtaposition doesn't stop at what they represent for others.

BLUE AND RED

Akane and Kana have opposite color schemes. Akane is blue and Kana is red. Blue and red are complementary colors and they are generally associated with different ideas:

blue is mind, shyness and introversion

red is heart, impulsiveness and extroversion

These personality traits fit Akane and Kana and their acting methods:

Akane studies alone and immers herself into the script. She looks inside:

Her acting is understanding the characters.

Kana reacts to the people around her and matches their performance. She looks outside:

Her acting is interpersonal relationships.

Akane is introspective and focuses on the characters (blue). Kana instead is reactive and focuses on the actors (red). That said, the 2 actresses' color juxtaposition hides an additional meaning:

Ai is purple, which is the combination of blue and red. Similarly, Akane and Kana (just like the twins) are 2 sides of Ai. Still, who is Ai?

I have never been loved by anyone Nor have I loved anyone else

Ai is a person who has never loved nor has ever been loved.

TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED

To love and to be loved are the 2 sides of Ai (love). Akane and Kana too explore these 2 concepts.

Akane is surrounded by people who love her. Her parents genuinelly want her to be happy and they support her career and relationships. The same goes for her manager. Still, when Akane gets cyber-bullied, she struggles to call for help. Not only that, but later on she states she is not sure she loves Aqua:

In short, Akane has trouble understanding relationships and approaches them in the most complicated way possible. She admires Kana and wants for her to shine again. Instead of conveying her feelings properly, though, she starts a rivalry. She wishes to help Aqua and to build a relationship with him. Still, she both lies and silently accepts Aqua's lies.

Kana is instead very upfront with her feelings, but she ignores people's darkest sides, which makes her easy to manipulate. After all, Kana often gives in to others' requests, even if it is not what she wants. This tendency stems from trauma:

As a small child, Kana is abandoned by the adults around her because she stops being an asset. Both her mother and manager ditch her and nobody gives her work anymore. As a result, Kana becomes a push-over in the hope of being accepted.

So, both Akane and Kana have self-issues which prevent them from developing healthy relationships. Akane doesn't know how to love, while Kana fears to be unloved. These 2 complexes make so that Ai gets sometimes reborn in the 2 girls:

Akane is actress Ai, the genius performer, who lies to both others and herself

Kana is idol Ai, the girl, who shines brightly in her genuine search for love

Akane and Kana's similarity with Ai is why Aqua feels drawn to both in different ways. He projects his mother on his 2 love interests. However, Akane and Kana are not Ai, but their own people. So, their arcs break this dychotomy between them and show that they are 2 girls growing up. Not only that, but they are deep down very alike.

AKANE = BLUE + RED

Akane is associated with blue (blue hair and eyes), but her name means red. Why is there this contradiction? A possible answer is that Akane is strongly disconnected from herself. Or to better say, Akane has no idea of who she is. This is precisely why she struggles so much throughout her introductory arc.

True Love is a reality show, where the participants have to play themselves and flirt with others. For example, Yuki uses her true feelings as an inspiration for her performance. However, Akane can't do the same because she is confused by romance and lacks a personality of her own. This is why she is a genius actress. She forgets herself and becomes someone else. It is Akane's modus operandi and she eventually uses it also in True Love. And who does she become?

She plays Aqua's ideal girl. Not only that, but she keeps on this role throughout time, as she becomes more involved in Aqua's revenge plot:

Akane knows Aqua is not in love with her. Still, she decides it is fine to be used, as long as she is aware of it. Later on, she realizes Aqua has feelings for Kana, but accepts them in exchange of his honesty. Akane believes that with time her bond with Aqua will become the real thing. However, she is wrong, as a lie stays a lie:

In the end, neither Aqua nor Akane are honest with each other. Aqua violates Akane's privacy and Akane keeps silent about Aqua's father. She decides to solve things by herself, just like she did with the cyber-bullying. Akane is full of people who love her, but she refuses to depend on them. She tries to deal with everything alone and puts her life in danger:

She is very much like Aqua in this, which is why the moment they come clear they break-up. Akane and Aqua genuinely care for each other. However, they can't have a proper relationship because they choose to lie and to self-sacrifice.

Akane gives up her whole sense of self to properly play the part of Ai. Still, she isn't Ai and her break-up with Aqua is the perfect chance to realize it. Right now, she is determined to save Aqua by herself. She still believes she can be Aqua's perfect girl, one way or another. However, she is wrong. She can't and shouldn't save Aqua alone. She should open up to others and ask for help. In this way, she can finally break character and show her genuine self. She can embrace her inner red.

KANA = LIGHT + SHADOW

Kana is linked to light, but she is currently stuck in shadows both in her career and in her personal relationships. This is made clear since her introductory arc.

Sweet Today is a low budget production whose real goal isn't to tell a good story, but rather to advertise models. Kana is chosen because of her good personality and fame. She sees this as an opportunity and a sign of appreciation. However, the producer's words reveal she is being taken advantage of. Nobody cares about her second chance in the enterteinment world, but they only use her because she is convenient. Not only that, but Kana is forced to match the other cast members' level of acting. The result is that she hides her real self.

Luckily, Aqua is there for Kana and eventually she is able to shine a little:

This is a recurring dynamic between Kana and Aqua. Kana tries to hide her real talent for the sake of harmony on the stage. However, Aqua takes care of things, so that Kana can shine:

In short, Aqua is a healing presence in Kana's life. She feels invisible and unwanted to the point she is ready to do anything for some care and appreciation. However, Aqua gives her selfless support:

Still, Kana herself is unaware of Aqua's shadows:

She has known him for a long time, but knows nothing of his revenge plan, his past as Gorou and his manipulative streak. It is telling that when Aqua masks as Piyo Kana is unable to see through the mask. She can't because she doesn't know who the real Aqua is.

Here it comes a contradiction in Kana's arc. Among all the characters, she is the one mostly linked to truth:

She is so honest she makes her feelings for Aqua clear five minutes after meeting him. She even ends up confessing her crush on a stranger out of loyalty towards Aqua and her own emotions. Not to mention that it is to protect her that Aqua reveals the truth about Ai. And yet, she is kept in the dark of others' machinations. She is oblivious to her friends' struggles and seems not to notice their strange behaviours.

So, her arc should really be about overcoming this flaw. If Kana wants to shine, she needs to experience shadows. If she wants to have healthy bonds with others, she needs to discover and accept their darkness. She is slowly going through this process.

As a child, she shines, but is self-centered. When she grows up, she painfully realizes she has to value others more and becomes much more selfless. However, at the beginning of the series, she is being consumed by this approach and is helped by others to re-discover her selfish self a little bit more. She realizes she is beautiful when she steals everyone's attention and that her brutal honesty can help people grow.

Right now, she needs to reconcile her caring personality with her personal need to shine. Her trust in people with the knowledge even her loved ones can make mistakes. In short, she must find a way to shine, while helping others to shine too:

She doesn't have to sacrifice herself to be accepted, but at the same time Kana herself is at her happiest when all the actors play together to the utmost of their abilities. She must be the sun who selflessly makes others shine.

AKANE AND KANA'S ENDINGS

So, what will be the conclusion of Akane and Kana's stories? So far, it is too soon to say, but some hypothesis can be made.

First thing first, let's address the elephant in the room. I think Akane, Kana and Aqua's love triangle will resolve in Kana's favor. Imo the story has been very clear about it.

Aqua's reaction to Akane and Kana is opposite:

He involves himself with Akane to pursue his revenge and he is drawn to her because she resembles Ai

He stays away from Kana because of his revenge and his fear Kana is gonna end up targeted like Ai

In short, Aqua projects on both girls with different results. He projects on Akane his wishes and on Kana his fears. So, it makes sense that by the end he lets go of Ai's ideal (he says goodbye to Akane) and overcomes his fears (he acts on his feelings for Kana).

Of course, recently, there has been a shift in this dynamic. Aqua has in fact broken his bond with Akane to protect her, while he has started a manipulative relationship with Kana. Still, this inversion is due to the story entering its climax. It is in fact necessary to challenge all the characters.

Structurally, Akane and Kana do not have the same focus. Akane's storyline serves Aqua and Kana beautifully. She supports their arcs, while developing herself. Kana instead is the tritragonist of the manga. A lot of focus is given to her feelings and career each arc. Moreover, these plotlines have nothing to do with the main conflict, which means Kana is basically having her own story. Still, obviously Kana's story and the main plot are meant to become one in the climax. So, she is meant to have a big role in Aqua's arc.

Finally, a conclusion where Aqua and Kana are together fits both girls' individual arcs.

Akane should stop imitating others and discover who she is. For her to succeed she should go back to what she originally desired:

Akane's true desire is a genuine connection. She starts acting not because she thinks it is cool, but because she wants to become friends with Kana. However, Akane's strategy to grow closer to others is to change herself and become an ideal:

She wants to win Kana's friendship by becoming like her. And yet, this backfires as Kana is already struggling with people discarding her to favor other children. Surely, a girl who imitates her is not the kind of friend Kana wants by that point. Interestingly, Akane is mature enough to figure this out and doesn't really resent Kana for it. To the contrary, she deep down wants Kana to go back to shine, but her attempts to inspire Kana do not work. So, what can Akane do to grow close to Kana and help her shine?

Maybe Akane simply has to tell Kana the truth about Aqua. She could let go of her stubborness and open up to another person. After all, the only way to forge bonds is to show who you are and hope the other will accept you.

Such a resolution on Akane's part would help Kana. Kana's problem is that she ignores everyone's shadows. She can't hope to help her loved ones if she has no idea of who they are. Kana's test will be to accept Aqua's darkest part and to keep on loving him.

She will 100% succeed. Kana is great at pursuing what she loves, even when it's not perfect. She is the character who has been a part of the enterteinment world the longest. She has been broken and let down many times. However, she still loves acting and the people she meets in her job. She may not be a genius anymore, but she is a strong, dependable and flexible actress. She likes the enterteinment world despite its flaws and will keep on loving the twins and Akane.

This is why Kana is the brightest star:

She has more passion and attachment to life than everyone else.

[taduki]

Lucio and Morga with a Pregnant MC (side hc of Morga’s Family Fav)

Lucio route, obviously. Grandma Morga for the win. I just really love this trio, okay? 😭🙏 MC’s pregnancy could have been traditionally or magically induced.

If the child was conceived by accident, Lucio was definitely fearful at first. Childcare is not his expertise and if he ever wanted to have children with you, he would’ve preferred to have been fully ready for it.

Morga was unusually quiet when you told her the news. Lucio hadn’t told her ANY plans on having or raising children.

Lucio once asked you if the baby would come out flying or glowing or something as a joke and Morga whacked him over the head…

She was very straightforward about asking what you are to do with the child. As much as she’s a stickler for the facts and her morals, she allows herself the benefit of the doubt in your freedom to choose.

Full-on refuses to speak with Lucio for a time. It’s not that she had nothing to say — Oh, she had LOTS to say — but the fact of the matter was that Lucio was going to be a father, whether he was ready for it or not, and whatever she says to him must be for the benefit of you and the child.

She strongly suggests that you stay at her camp for the time being so she can midwife for you. If you bring up the idea to Lucio, he is GOING to keel over and sob. Good for him tbh. You’re the priority right now. He actually ends up agreeing to it because he knows he can’t take proper care of you and the baby all by himself, as much as he wants to.

Grandma Morga for the win.

She appears very often to bring you helpful herbs and check in on you. Holds back a knowing grin when you have to down nasty teas.

When Lucio isn’t around, she shares her pregnancy stories with you, how her husband had to order her to rest, and how she’d dread the frequent visits to the doctor’s hut because she knew he would dote on her all month.

She invites you on patrols and gathering expeditions in the beginning, but by the third trimester, she keeps you closer to the camp, just in case.

The doctor is there to help deliver the baby of course, but Morga herself is there to midwife, just as she’d stated before. She may not be verbally empathizing with you, but she holds your hand while Lucio holds the other.

She thought he’d miss the delivery, but he made it because he was so worried about you. He always made sure he was nearby at all times and reassured you he’d be there, no matter what.

The baby miraculously resembles Lucio, even as a newborn. Their hair is white like snow, so when Morga tells you they look just like him, he’s a little confused, but endeared.

Morga smiles calmly for what seems like the first time since you met her.

She is deeply reluctant to offer you advice on ANYTHING emotional. Though she has respect for her own knowledge on general parenting, she knows she did not do right by Lucio, and often thinks about the millions of things she could’ve done differently. Stops thinking after the first little baby giggle.

Mean, secretly spoiling grandma Morga.

Indulgent, yet “oh god, MC, what if I’m not good enough?” Lucio.

[garadinervi]

For her, poetry is a social act, by Mickey Fridman, «San Francisco Examiner», December 7, 1977 [Constellations of Black feminism in UC Berkeley’s archives – Stories of UC Berkeley Library. Carton 6:50, Barbara Christian papers, BANC MSS 2003/199 c, The Bancroft Library, University of California, Berkeley, CA]

(transcription)

For her, poetry is a social act

By Mickey Friedman Examiner Photo by Katy Raddatz

(Image description) June Jordan is seen in front of a chalkboard, looking toward the camera. (Image caption) June Jordan: The New York Times wrote: 'Whatever becomes of poetry in English hereafter, Jordan's poems will likely be a conspicuous part of it'

While many who write poetry do so for private self-expression, poet June Jordan feels that inner satisfaction is only half the story. For her, a poem is a social act. "If you hope to deserve the attention of anyone other than yourself, you're serving a social goal," she says.

At 41, June Jordan has published 10 books. She is black, politically active, a native of Harlem who grew up in Brooklyn's Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood, where she was a member of a gang called the Royal Bops. She is divorced and has a son at Harvard. Her latest book of poetry, "Things That I Do in the Dark" (Random House) is a selection of her work from 1966 to 1976.

Of the book, Hayden Carruth wrote in the New York Times Book Review, "Whatever becomes of poetry in English hereafter, Jordan's poems will likely be a conspicuous part of it."

Jordan does not talk about other people understanding or empathizing with her poems. What her readers can do, she hopes, is "use" her work, implying an active partnership between writer and reader. "If you write a love poem, if it's a good poem, you've depicted your feelings with accuracy. If other people can use it, they come to a better understanding of their own love," she says.

Along with poems on blackness, politics and a gamut of other topics, a section of "Things That I Do in the Dark" is devoted to love poems — some of them passionate and lyrical, others, like "About Long Distances on Saturday," slightly wry:

he calls me from his house and the timing seems bad and I offer to call him back later but he says "no" I'm about to split for the weekend so call me yeah early next week or sometime and the answer is that the question is (isn't it) where are you going baby without me?

Jordan, very much the conscious artist, does not write in the "confessional" mode that "dominated poetry in the '50s," she says. "I feel that confessional poetry was a part of my life in my late teens, at a time when I wasn't really interested in other people," she says. "Most of us stop being teen-agers, and want other people to care about what we're doing. During the '60s, the civil rights movement, the peace movement and the women's movement served to propel us out of the confessional mode into a more political posture. In the context of these three movements, poetry received an enormous boost in interest."

Since language is one of Jordan's basic concerns, she has been empathetic about preserving the nuances of black English and not teaching black children that their speech is wrong. She has written, "… as a black poet and writer, I hate words that cancel my name and my history and the freedom of my future; I hate the words that condemn and refuse the language of my people in America." In her own poems, the cadences of black speech are often evident.

Jordan says she became a poet "as a result of reading Shakespeare and the Bible when I was much too young to understand them. I was influenced by the music of the words." She was also strongly affected by hearing recordings of Dylan Thomas reading his poetry: "It had a tremendous influence on me. It was almost as if he were speaking Spanish in English, it was so musical. My other big influence was Shelley. He's also mellifluous and musical."

One of Jordan's most pressing concerns at the moment is the deterioration of language. "This is one political struggle I hope I'm a serious part of," she says. "If we don't retrieve our language so we can trust it, the possibilities for interaction are gone. There isn't an alternative to words." Mentioning George Orwell's essay, "Politics and the English Language," Jordan says that political figures have been prime offenders: "The guiding principle that has been inculcated in our leaders is that they should only deal with one idea, and reiterate it over and over," she says. "Most things are more complicated than that. This is a public style of dishonesty that comes from the misuse of our language."

In these days when rhyme and meter have largely gone by the board, it is sometimes hard for the layman to judge what constitutes a good poem. Can objective standards be applied? Jordan says emphatically that they can, and sets forth guidelines in a series of questions: "First, find out what the poet was trying to do. What is he trying to have you see, feel, smell? Then, ask yourself if he has done it. Are the images hackneyed? Is there consistency in the kind of language that's used? If not, does it add to the impact of the poem? Are the verb tenses consistent? Do you feel the voice inside the poem is clear?"

Jordan is currently working on her second novel, "OK, Now," which will be published in the winter of 1978. "The idea is an enormous idea, in the Utopian tradition," she says. "It's written with a somewhat proselytizing attitude. It's about a commune, and land reform in Mississippi. I have to take it through good and bad times, enough so people don't feel I've loaded the scales."

How is writing a novel different from writing poetry? "In a poem, you can contain two voices at best. But in a novel, you can encompass a likely variety of contemporary Americans."

After the novel, Jordan wants to write a book of poems "that will involve getting to know this country. I think it's ridiculous to call yourself an American poet and all you know is New York." To help her learn the country, Jordan is considering moving to the Bay Area, where she would teach at UC Berkeley. "In New York, everything is so expensive and so dense," she says. "I want to come out here and see how people live when the environmental stress has been drastically reduced. I'd like to know how it feels to be able to park your car next to your house."

Page 22—S.F. Examiner Wed., Dec. 7, 1977

[vaspider]

If you think that Joel was wrong, I don't want you anywhere near me.

Let's talk about the last episode.

I'm going to say right up front that I'm a parent, and I'm a survivor of medical abuse, so I'm not going to brook any bullshit or clownery in the notes of this post. I block easily and freely, and if what I say in this post makes you feel sad or defensive, I encourage you to sit with those feelings and interrogate why you're feeling so defensive, because to me, this is extremely cut and dry.

Joel was right. Marlene was wrong. There is no argument to be had here, because this is the Trolley Problem, With Zombies!

Let me be clear: there is no world in which I let them do anything like that to my child, but more importantly, there is no world in which I let them do that to Cat without her active, informed consent. That's where there's no argument to be had. That's where it is open and shut, no discussion, if you think that there is an argument you are just wrong.

There is no nuance on this for me, and that's probably because I am a victim of medical abuse, doctors doing things to me without my informed consent. I find it hard to empathize with people who think there's any nuance in it at all, however. You cannot build a new, just world on the abuse, medical rape, and murder of a child. You just can't. This is the Trolley Problem writ large, and the only moral answer is that the only way to do that would be with Ellie's informed, active consent.

There are decisions my daughter has made which changed her life forever, and made it (at minimum) much, much more difficult, and which might shorten her lifespan or kill her. I supported her in this because she made that decision. It was not made for her. So I have absolutely clear-eyed perspective on this as a parent, and I don't think there's room for another perspective.

Oh, so people might die if Ellie isn't at minimum lobotomized and at worst killed? Yeah, that's the same argument that forced birthers make. No one has a right to any part of my body or anything within it without my consent, and saying otherwise is exactly the same argument that the people who think that people shouldn't be able to get abortions make, it only differs in scale.

It reminds me of the old joke where a man asks a woman if she'd sleep with him for a million dollars, and she agrees, and he says, okay, so what about five dollars? The woman gets irate and says "what kind of woman do you take me for?" And the man replies, "We've already established what kind of woman you are, now we're just haggling over price."

If generic-you think it's okay to take Ellie's body and use it without her permission to save a million people, you're the same kind of person who thinks it's okay to force someone to carry a pregnancy to term. It's already been established that you think that people don't have a right to their body if someone else "needs" it, so we know what kind of person you are. Now we're just haggling over the price. I know that's wording it very strongly and I stand by it, because I've dealt with exactly this kind of paternalistic nonsense, and it did almost kill me. No one is justified in making any decisions about my body but me. Period.

And before we have folx coming in here talking about vaccines, etc.? Listen. If I choose not to vaccinate myself, and I'm excluded from things as a result, then that's a decision that I have made. I don't think people should be physically forced to be vaccinated, but groups of people get to consent or not consent, as a group, via laws, about being around someone who will physically make them sick. The key difference here is about who is doing what to whom, and whether someone is acting upon another person. Walking past someone in public in a leather harness isn't going to modify their organs via pathogen; walking past someone spreading a pathogen that hangs out in the air for hours out of your gaping, infectious piehole is actively doing something to other people.

Joel was right. Thank you, goodnight.

[peninkwrites]

(putting my very long, very personal ramble under a readmore so folks can avoid it) (this won't include any of my plans for going forward or for my writing but I'm not going anywhere so don't worry about that. love to you all.)

A little disclaimer: If you have zero context for what I'm talking about, apologies for not explaining in depth, but this post won't be relevant to you otherwise. All you really need to know is that it seems that Wilbur Soot is an abuser, and Shubble came forward and talked about it recently. He was not named, but from what she shared, I believe that was who she was talking about. I don't say this to speculate, and if you disagree, I'm not here to argue over it, but it's enough for me personally to not to want to support him indefinitely, save for Shubble explicitly saying she wasn't talking about him.

Additionally, these thoughts are some incredibly personal and self-centered rambling. It does not reflect where my priorities lie, with supporting Shelby for coming forward above all else, but other people have said that much better than I have, and this post is really just a place for me to vent some of my feelings.

I prided myself on not falling prey to “parasocial relationships.” I didn’t get invested in the personal lives of content creators, only in their creative works. I thought this protected me somehow. I knew next to nothing about Wilbur Soot’s personal life, but I admired him deeply as a writer and empathized with him as an artist. I projected so heavily onto his character and did so for over three years. When I waited for his final dsmp stream, I felt panicked. Like my survival hinged on how he ended this story, and then he ended it in a way I could live with, and I thought I could go on loving this story and these characters for what they had been, no matter how messy the rest of the endings to follow were. His character was mine in so many ways. He had some of my problems and I gave him some of my own. I used him to process quite a bit. And now that part of myself is irrevocably tainted.

When the stuff came out about Dream, I was upset, but not betrayed. I never followed the creator and he existed only as a character to me. All I grieved then was the community his actions destroyed and most importantly the people he hurt. I planned to continue writing for the DSMP, even as I refused to follow any content involving him. It felt like a pause, not a full stop, while I ensured what I was doing did not show him any support. I also gave that character no pity and therefore the man behind him no pity, I had no personal investment in his character.

Now my response is visceral and bitter and I don’t know how to go on writing, because this character meant the world to me. I don’t know how to write about a character I truly love and see myself in, knowing the person who also loved and saw himself in that character, who created that character, has done horrible things. I don’t know how to write any of these other characters I have loved and cared for for over 3 years because he has poisoned them. All of it turns my stomach now and I feel so betrayed. The thought of his character is tainted because it’s connected to his voice and his face. I cannot separate the art from the artist both because it was the inclusion of the authorship within the story which affected me so strongly, and because there are things within the text that I look back on now and can only see that this person was always this way. I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking of c!Wilbur’s line when he found out about exile, “he didn’t actually hit you though“ and his horror when c!Tommy responded that he had, that for some reason that was the turning point. The implication that it was only crossing that line, that particular type of violence, which made something wrong. Fucking disgusting.

I’ve tried to find another story before now. For the last few years, honestly, I’ve looked for something to latch onto the way I have with this one, but nothing feels the way this did. I know I’ve been clinging to something gone or at least mostly gone, both the community and the story, but I haven’t known how to let go when nothing makes me feel the same way, even when the feeling has faded and changed so much with time. This was never supposed to go on this long. Honestly, the reason I started posting mcyt stuff to my sideblog instead of my main was because I assumed I would get over it in a few weeks, delete the posts, and move on. Three years. 40 works. Over a million words. Just. Fuck.

I loved these characters so much and I’ve wrapped up my writing in them for so long it’s hard to separate the two. At this point, it feels like these characters are what allow me to write, separate from the main story, but a place where I could work things out for myself as a person and try new things as a writer. And I’ve tried so hard to feel the same way about the QSMP, but maybe it’s because we��re out of lockdown so I don't have time to watch much, or I’ve just changed more than I’ve thought, but I haven't gotten attached the way I did even when I look at the stories being built there and can see the heart in them, the storytelling, the care, just as much as the DSMP if not more. There’s no good reason for it, it just hasn’t locked into place the way this story had, having been the perfect storm of circumstances. The DSMP came to me during one of the worst years of my life, and I have loved it so much I miss that time even with all the bad it carried too.

And now this thing I have been holding onto can only make me angry, hit me with grief and disgust. Fuck, the only plan I’ve had for an original novel in years is a loose adaptation of TDDD. My senior thesis was largely a novella about two siblings with a complicated relationship, the older fatalistic, the younger brave to the point of ignorance. So even that original project has poison in it now. All of it, all of my fucking work, all of my growth as a writer, all of my writing for over three fucking years has poison in it.

I’ve felt lost as a writer for a long time and the only thing keeping me anchored was these characters. And I don’t know how to cut them away from myself and I don’t know how to cut him away from what’s left when his writing, his character, undeniably gave me so much of a spark. When I’m happy, I write. When I’m sad, I write. There's so much bad in the world right now, but I could always fall back on writing. And now my main means of escape is the grief. Far more than ever before. I know this too shall pass and all that, and this hasn’t actually stolen my ability to write, but right now it all feels so ruined. I don’t know how long it will take for me to be able to look back on what I’ve made and not feel like this. I'd maybe moved on in some ways, but not all. There was so much left I wanted to do.

If you’ve somehow read this far, know that I love this community with my whole heart. I never quite made friends with any of you, even as I wanted to, and it's felt too late for a long time now. My beloved mutuals (and followers that are mutuals in all but name) I have found so much joy with you, in what all of you have created. I wish I could hold onto that above all else, even if I’m not quite sure how. I’m not going anywhere, to be clear. I won’t delete my blog and fall off the face of the earth or anything. I still love what all of you create and care about, even if things have changed and our interests don’t always align anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to detach this story from the creator, to love any of it the way I did or even love what I myself created again. I don’t really know why I’m writing this or if I’ll even post it except for the fact that you all are the only people who could understand.

Again, this was a deeply personal rant, not a statement about the situation as a whole, nor do I think this situation's impact on me takes an ounce of precedent over the person actually involved. The most important takeaway from this is what Shelby has shared, the importance of believing victims, to do what we can to protect ourselves from abuse that doesn’t seem obvious, and to look out for each other. Take care of yourselves, everyone.

[belit0]

what if they meet the Uzumaki?

You went with a she so I'll go with that here.

Would her fiery personalilty and lack of discipline (as Uchiha's see it anyways) make her accidnetally prove everyone rightnor wrong about her

Yeah, in terms of x reader, I always go with female characters 💫

I only do male x male with ships (TobiIzu, etc,)

I think Mikoto would convince Itachi to come back, after multiple and diverse visits to Shisui's house, and at the same time talk to Fugaku, softening him up little by little. She raises how beneficial it could be to include Uzumaki blood to the Uchiha legacy, and tries to buy him off from a strategic point of view.

Fugaku, ideally, would want his son to be with someone of high status, elegance, and pretensions befitting the Uchiha legend, and he begins to entertain the possibility of perhaps the girl being so. It convinces him.

Sasuke on the other hand does not stop bragging about how he will scold his older brother to make him understand the offense he committed against the clan, still too young to empathize with the reasons of love, of the heart, the passionate impulses.

Itachi takes his time evaluating what to do and what not to do but ultimately decides to introduce her so as to calm things down. If they don't accept her for who she is, then he will completely disassociate himself from his family.

Mikoto is the warmest of them all, and greets them both at the door when they show up for dinner. She can see how nervous her son is, but also the loving conviction he has for this girl in his eyes. (Y/N), on the other hand, strongly reminds her of Kushina, a pleasant memory.

Her fiery red hair stands out madly in contrast to all the black-haired people in the room, and as soon as they enter the dining area, Sasuke jumps on the attack with aggressive words towards his brother.

Fugaku basically tells him to shut up and sit down, reducing the threat in seconds with authority, cryptically analyzing the girl in question. He turns pale when she smiles at him without a care in the world, failing with his attempt of premature intimidation.

(Y/N) converses quite matter-of-factly during the beginning of the meeting, most of the questions asked by Mikoto in front of a distraught Itachi out of concern and a Fugaku unwilling to budge.

For dessert, the father finally agrees to ask some controversial questions, hoping to put her on the spot when answering, catch her without replies or even make her angry, give him a reason to hate her as the clan legacy demands.

Sasuke falls in love with her at every answer and realizes she's even smarter than his older brother. Who starts the evening as an enemy, quickly becomes an ally, and Fugaku is left alone on his disapproving side.

(Y/N) doesn't let herself be beaten and answers every question boldly, shutting him down on any front he intends to use as an attack. The Uchiha leader ends the meeting highly frustrated and does not partake of the after-dinner tea, but eventually and as time goes on, the more he interacts with her the more he realizes his son made the right choice.

The girl is unconventional, breaks the clan rules, is outrageous, but somehow makes a perfect match with his pragmatic boy, complementing each other in all the areas the other lacks.

It is the perfect balance the two strike within their bond that leads Fugaku to respect her, seriously listen to her, and learn about the woman. In the end, Mikoto is always right.

[alsopartgekkos]

✣ 𝕷𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖆 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖙𝖑𝖔𝖈𝖐 ✣

Most commonly known as Lavi [close friends at Hogwarts] or Winnie [everyone else].

✣𝕭𝖆𝖘𝖎𝖈

Birthday: 28th of April;

Wand: Alder, 12 1/4 inches, Phoenix feather, Surprisingly Swishy;

Amortentia: old parchment, ink-stained fingers and fresh baked bread;

Boggart: the faceless figures of her parents* [changed after the events of the end of 5th year];

Animagus form: ginger main coon cat [learned from Natty during 6th year];

✣𝕬𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊

Height: 169 cm [5′ 6.5″];

Hair color: auburn, past shoulders [gets quite few grey strands after watching Isidora’s memories], usually in a loose bun;

Eye color: naturally brown, gradually got deep blue after awakening ancient magic. There’s a remaining ring of brown around her iris;

Scars: swirl-shaped over right eye and cheek [caused by ancient magic], diffindo-shaped over her left side, hip and thigh [thank you, Mr.Sallow], behind her left ear [fell off the tree];

✣𝕻𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞

[cunning - inquisitive - intuitive - resilient - determined]

Love starved puppy. Taught to rely on herself from a young age, Lavi does know how to stand her ground. Anxious and therefore intuitive, attentive to people's emotions, can easily empathize with strangers. Has quite amicable image with sprinkle of mischief, but reserves her true emotions to herself. Values friendship and her people to the point of quiet possessiveness out of fear of abandonment. Will do equally anything to make them feel better and protect both emotionally and physically, as do anything to make them stay in her circle, so she chooses carefully. Can be very motherly when comforting someone [as it's an orphan's copium she doesn't know any better], is in generally surprisingly tactile.

Despite having some repulsion towards authority, prefers to be on good terms with it, aka "i learn the rules before I break them". Is open to new things: would go on exploring equally before and past curfew but after all assignment are finished. Due to Ancient Magic she is quite well-rounded, but nothing too extensive, despite diligence. [Will do everything academically to not get sent back to orphanage, even if it kills her]. Picked up reading passion again after befriending Sebastian, but really got into it after the main events. Inherited her father's cunningness, will sweet-talk you into anything without much ado and tell exactly what you need to hear to further whatever she's pursuing because that's life.

[Suffers from two Obliviate spells and Isidora's pensives: can get moody or silent for visibly no reason, her memory can swindle before going back to normal. After 5th year enters whole identity crisis, where a "bleeding effect" might mess her up a bit.]

Likes: being cared for, sound of waves, sense of accomplishment, smell of moss and old paper, fresh pastry, long walks, things going her way;

Dislikes: hot humid weather, closed spaces [le milde claustrophobia], reprimands and general feel of shame, pine sap and mosquitos;

Has a knack for: dueling [it helps her relieve stress and pent-up aggression and she'll go into the forbidden forest for some venting purposes], non-verbal spellcasting, grave robbing treasure hunting;

Fears: to be forgotten and abandoned;

Strives for: approval recognition;

✣𝕭𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉

Known relatives:

Liam Whitlock [father, alive] - halfblood miracle monger, allied with Ashwinders;

Ambrosia Blishwick [mother, alive]

Miriam Fig [nee. Blishwick] [grandaunt, deceased]

Martin Locke [cousin, alive, belonging to @cetuscorvus]

Was an accident, but quite welcomed child, that was acquainted to nomad lifestyle since she was a wee-baby. Takes strongly after her mother, who was up to no good and eloped in the first place;

Travelled with her parents and avoided law till tender age of 8, then was rightfully labelled a squib. Without much remorse was dropped off in the godforsaken town of Portreath in an orphanage, obliviated and waved goodbye.

Raised a proper working class Victorian girl without a clue what magic is. Rose with the dawn, sang in church choir, worked as soon as she was the age, looked out for the youngsters.

Developing a certain disdain for authorities ever since, often found herself in the nearby ruins that townsfolk either avoided or did not even see, it became her hideout.

Made fatuous acquaintance with Miriam Fig in late 1889, when she first came to Portreath to investigate said ruins as part of her travels. Miriam, being the good bean she is, befriended her first cousin once removed, realizing Lavinia does see the traces of ancient magic and can aid in her search. [It is where the Portkey came from];

As Lavi’s magic was released at one point as a self-defence mechanism, it left her scarred and Miriam contacted the Ministry on her behalf.

During heated debate about what to do with Lavinia and all the Ministry paperwork and goblins taking track of Miriam’s research, it was deemed safer to take the bait off the unknowing child, so another memory charm was used. Due Miriam’s request prior to her death, Lavi was taken in by professor Fig for a few summer months to learn what she could about the wizarding world. The man was by all means still grieving, so not much about her practical education was actually done.

✣✣✣

Portia [The Arcana] | Catherine[The Great] | Donna Noble [Doctor Who] | Max Mayfield[Stranger Things] | Sylvie[Loki] | Leliana[Dragon Age]