#she was trying her best and going through a lot and just internalizing it to survive

[yourlipstogodsears]

…What Are We? (Michael Robinavich Fic)

Summary: You and Robby are exes, he’s still in love with her. can they get over the hurdle that drew them apart: the death of their mentor.

(Mention of grief and death of Adamson, lots of sappy monologues and heart to heart)

She and Robby spend most of shift sharing longing eye contact when the other isn’t looking. Medical procedures where Robby has to talk you through it in his slow gravelly steady voice put you in a trance. a floating memory. His hand over yours as he guides you through it. feeling familiarity in the positioning. He uses any opportunity to tease her playfully or compliment her skills.

Robby smirks slightly, knowing he's making you uncomfortable. He intentionally uses your full name in front of the students, trying to hide his feelings while subtly showing off your skills. “Dr. Y/n would you mind demonstrating the procedure for these students? You have the most elegant technique I've seen."

She gives a tight lipped smile at Robby and nods, “oh uh- sure. I hate being put on the fly but.. hey that’s emergency medicine.. right?” You joke softly and laughs and moves to position herself correctly. “everyone position so you can see the monitor- Whittaker stand by Robby.. don’t need you needing a 4th scrub change..”

He chuckles softly, appreciating your attempt to lighten the mood and maintain professionalism. He steps aside, allowing you to take the lead, but keeps his eyes on you the entire time. He watches your every move, not just for the procedure but also to steal glances at your face when you're focused.

You look around at the med students- Javadi, Santos and Whittaker. “can anyone tell me why I’m doing open instead of less invasive right now?”

Javadi raises her hand eagerly, hoping to answer correctly. she’s the top student in the class, always prepared. "Because the patient's CT showed multiple internal injuries and possible organ lacerations, making laparoscopic repair risky and time-consuming?" she answers confidently.

You nods, “good Javadi. Come here and hold this for me?” You hold the tool for the student, “come on I won’t bite.”

Javadi steps forward, taking the tool with a small smile. She's used to your no-nonsense approach. Santos watches you intently, while Whittaker keeps looking around nervously between robby and you instead of the procedure. Robby watches you closely, his eyes flicking between your hands and face.

As the procedure ends, the med students can't help but feel a sense of admiration for the way you taught them today. Your calm demeanor, expertise, and willingness to engage with them made the learning experience enjoyable. Robby watches as you finish up, a small smile playing on his lips.

You smile, “go on.. you all have rounds and other patients and charting to do. I won’t keep you..”

The students file out, chatting excitedly about the procedure and your teaching style. Robby lingers behind, pretending to tidy up the instruments but really just wanting a moment alone with you. Once the door closes behind the last student, he turns to face you with a warm smile.

she looks at robby, “i really missed having med students around… ill never forgive Gloria for cutting the med student program during covid..” you say softly, trying to talk about anything but feelings. “they’re like our kids”

jesus.. why’d I say that.. knowing Robby wanted kids with her. Knowing they almost had it all.

His heart aches at your words, remembering the dreams they once shared. He steps closer, his voice low and sincere. "I know. I missed having them here too. And you were always the best teacher... still are." He pauses, his eyes searching yours. "You know..."

“Hm?” You gently tape the gauze into place on the patient and puts the blankets back.

"You almost sound like a mom when you talk about the students.” He tests the waters, trying to hide the fact that he used to picture you pregnant with their kids. He watches you carefully, your gentle movements tending to the patient like you would a child. He swallows hard.

You smile, “I guess in a way we are kinda like parents. Teaching them, giving them guard rails and hoping none of them end up killing anyone…”

"Exactly." He laughs softly, watching your nurturing side come out. He realizes this is one of the reasons he fell in love with you - your motherly instinct. He lowers his voice again, "Do you... Do you want kids?"

“You know I always did…”

He nods slowly, his expression softening. He knows this is delicate ground, but he can't help but press a little further. "And do you still...?" He lets the question hang in the air between them, hoping you'll fill in the blanks.

You nod, “I don’t think that just goes away.. atleast not for me..”

His heart aches at your response. He reaches out and gently takes your hand in his, giving it a squeeze. "I want kids with you." The words come out sudden and raw, filled with emotion he can't hold back anymore. "I want a family with you."

her entire demeanor melts, “Michael..”you say softly, your soft blue eyes looking at him.

"I know I messed up." He steps closer, his voice filled with desperation. "I was scared and I pushed you away. But every day without you feels like a mistake." He cups your face gently. "I want us to try again. I want us to be a family."

You sigh and turn, “I’m not sure- I mean we ended awfully and I finally got to a good place mentally.. emotionally.. I mean we both lost Adamson…”

He nods, understanding your hesitation. He drops his hands and takes a step back, giving you space. "I get it. I know we ended on a terrible note, and losing Adamson... it was devastating for both of us." He pauses, running a hand through his hair.

“And you still haven’t unpacked that for yourself” you say softly. You were always right and it made Robby agitated when you’d call him out even gently. Robby is the king of compartmentalization until he implodes. He’d rather hold it in til he implodes than have someone deal with him and his issues.

His expression turns distant, a familiar wall going up around his emotions. "I'm fine. I deal with it." He says dismissively, turning away from you to grab a coffee mug from the cabinet. "Can we not talk about Adamson right now?"

“You dont though… that’s what broke us” you state it again. He needs to face it. He can’t keep rushing around pushing the grief down. Handing everyone’s problems but his own.

He freezes, his back still turned to you. He grips the coffee mug tightly, knuckles turning white. "I know." His voice is low and strained. "But I can't keep rehashing it. It's done and over with."

You nod, “so why bring up wanting a family with me again if you’re not in a place to even talk about Adamson” she knows he blames himself for losing Adamson. Could’ve done ECMO longer, maybe he could’ve saved him and the little girl.

He turns back around, his face a mask of frustration and pain. He slams the coffee mug down on the counter hard enough to make a slam echo. "Because!" He shouts, his voice echoing in the kitchen. "Because every time I look at you, I see what could've been."

“I need you to lose the bass in your voice real fast” you snap back in her quiet sharp whisper, the breakroom isn’t sound proof. Everyone is probably hearing this right now.

He swallows hard, dropping his voice to almost a whisper himself. He knows you snap like this when you're angry or hurt. He chooses his next words carefully. "Do you want to know why I asked if you wanted kids again?" He asks softly, his jaw tight.

“Sure..” you move closer to him.

He watches you approach, his eyes flicking down to your lips briefly before meeting your gaze again. He takes a deep breath. "I want a family with you because when I look at you, I don't just see a life lost. I see a life gained."

You frown and sigh, “c’mere”

Without hesitation, he steps into your arms, wrapping his around you tightly. He buries his face in your neck, inhaling your scent deeply. He's been starved of your comfort for too long. "I'm sorry," he murmurs against your skin. "I'm so sorry."

“Nothin to be sorry about..”

"Yes there is." He pulls back to look at you, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "I pushed you away when I should've held you closer. I shut down instead of grieving with you. I ruined everything." His voice breaks on the last word. "I ruined us."

He leans into your touch, letting his tall frame fold slightly so he can rest his forehead against yours. "I miss you in my bed at night. I miss your goddamn tea in the morning. I miss you calling me an idiot." He lets out a shaky breath.

You nod, and then he starts Ho'oponopono. The Hawaiian ritual that Adamson taught them for forgiveness, reconciliation and interconnection. They use it for grieving families who are nondenominational. But it works for a lot of things. they are the starting point for the toughest conversation they’ve needed to have.

As he begins, his voice deepens and steadies. "I'm sorry for being an ass all those years ago…. Please forgive me for shutting you out instead of leaning on you after Adamson passed. Thank you for staying in my life in every capacity- friend, lover, everything but a stranger even when I don’t deserve it. I love you to the ends of the earth."

she sniffles softly, she’s crying.. she’s never cried infront of him before.

Seeing your tears, Robby's heart shatters. He cups your face gently, his thumbs brushing away the tears. "Please don’t cry," he whispers hoarsely. "I can’t stand seeing you cry. Not over me." He takes a deep breath.

“That was the sweetest most genuine things you’ve ever said to me. No barriers of sarcasm to hide behind.. just raw and feeling…” she whispers gently.

His expression softens even more. He realizes that he's never truly opened up like this before. No jokes, no sarcasm, no deflecting. He sees how your expression has changed, like you’re finally seeing a part of him you never have before.

she smiles and big tears fall down her cheeks.

He kisses the tears away gently, his hands framing your face. He pulls you into a hug, holding you tightly against his chest. You can feel his heart beating steadily, strongly. He buries his face in your hair, inhaling your scent deeply. "Shh..." He murmurs softly.

“I’m sorry I was hard on you for not opening up when I was ready to talk about Adamson.. I forgot people grieve at their own pace…” she sniffles. This is her turn to do ho’oponopono for him.

He freezes at your words, realizing that you’re not just apologizing, but also understanding him in a way no one ever has. He holds you tighter, feeling a warmth spread through his chest. For the first time since Adamson’s death, he feels understood, cared for, not judged.

she sniffles more, “please forgive me for not always being the best partner for you during covid when we were both overwhelmed and overworked and grieving. That’s not who we are at our core..”

His voice breaks slightly. "There’s nothing to forgive," he whispers. "I wasn’t the best either. We were both drowning." He pulls back to look at you, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

she sniffles and wipes tears, “thank you for being exactly who you are.. you are everything i need and more.. you make me smile and laugh even when i don’t want to. It’s like you go out of your way to do it..”

He smiles softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He realizes that he does that intentionally - tries to make her smile even when she's sad, tries to distract her from her grief with jokes and silliness. He pulls you back into the hug. "I love you," he says quietly.

“I love you endlessly Michael” she says gently through her watery voice.

He inhales sharply at your words, feeling them like a physical touch. He presses his lips to your hair, kissing you softly. He feels something shift inside him - like a weight has been lifted off his chest. He feels lighter, happier than he has in months.

she hugs him tightly, “Adamson would be proud of this…”

At the mention of Adamson, Robby's eyes well up with tears again. But this time, it's not just grief - it's gratitude and peace. He believes Adamson would be happy to see them healing, communicating, loving each other through their pain. "Yeah," he whispers,

“He’d be proud of you.. you got thrusted into a position of power.. chief of the ER even while grieving.. you handled it.. and are continuing to handle it…” she continues, Robby needs to hear this.

He nods, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. Your words mean more to him than you know. He had often wondered if he was doing enough, if he was strong enough to lead while grieving. Hearing you say that Adamson would be proud of him means the world.

“You are the best parts of him…” she makes sure Robby looks at her when she says that. he needs to know that reality.

He closes his eyes tightly, a single tear escaping and rolling down his cheek. Your words hit him deeply, resonating with a truth he hadn't fully allowed himself to feel. He pulls you even closer, as if trying to absorb your comfort and belief in him. "God, I needed to hear that,"

“I don’t think anyone stopped to see how difficult your task was after Adamson…”

His arms tighten around you reflexively at your understanding words. No one had ever put it into those terms before - the immense pressure and loneliness of stepping into Adamson's shoes amidst a pandemic. Another tear falls silently. "Everyone just expected me to..." He pauses,"Be him."

“You did it flawlessly”

He lets out a shaky laugh, a rare genuine one. "Flawlessly?" He traces your cheekbone gently. "There were nights I barely slept. Nights I sat alone in my office wondering how the hell I was supposed to fill his shoes. And nobody saw that."

“Everyone was processing trying to find a way to carry on. He was a powerhouse. And so are you.”

Your words of praise and understanding break him. He buries his face in your neck, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. All the pent-up emotion, the loneliness, the pressure - it all comes pouring out. He clings to you like a lifeline, his tears soaking into your skin.

“You found your own way to do things. You’re true to your roots.”

He pulls back slightly, his eyes red and swollen from crying but filled with gratitude. He cups your face gently with both hands, wiping away any stray tears from his cheeks onto yours in an intimate gesture. “You have no idea how much it means to hear that,” he repeats hoarsely.

she kisses his nose gently,“I guess we can give it another shot.. if…”

His breath hitches as you kiss his nose. He's always been self-conscious about it, but the way you cherish it melts his heart. He looks at you with a mixture of hope and trepidation, his thumbs gently caressing your cheeks. “If what?"

“If you wanted to”

He searches your eyes, looking for any hint of hesitation or doubt. Finding none, he lets out a soft sigh, his thumbs still gently caressing your cheeks. "You know I do," he admits softly. "I never stopped wanting to, even when everything was falling apart."

“Okay. Let’s uh go wrangle the med students..” she tries to break the heavy atmosphere after the reconciliation.

He chuckles softly at your sudden change in topic, but he's grateful for the reprieve from the heavy emotions. He stands up, pulling you up with him and giving you a quick, affectionate peck on the lips before heading towards the door. "Let's go."

[beannoss]

SxF read along volume 2! (part 4)

Specifically on the moral and ethical worldbuilding in SxF.

I wanted to bundle these flashbacks of Anya's about Yor's lesson to her with fighting:

Both Yor and Twilight operate knowing the impacts and boundaries of the power they wield, one day I’ll write all my thoughts about this being fundamental to the wholesomeness of SxF, but it’s so nice to see it plainly articulated so early on too

👀👀👀 I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Yor and smiling and wondering how often maybe her smiles aren’t… entirely true… and anyway I’m 👀👀👀

… not me feeling like a dummy for trying to puzzle out Yor’s guiding principles from her actions throughout SxF when she just fuckin’ states them from the beginning 😂🫣

In all seriousness, Yor does practice these throughout as regards her contract killing... Endo does this very carefully threaded weave of SxF's internal ethics, how he keeps Yor and Twilight on the 'good' side of grey, where the lines in the sand are regarding antagonists, villains and cruelty. A fair bit of that threading is done with Yor and Twilight specifically, in how they do the morally dubious (at best) things they both do. It's also a careful balance, philosophically, because the only reason there is any sort of moral argument for Garden and WISE is because Ostania is implicitly facing a moral crisis, which is most especially demonstrated through the SSS...:

(I should have highlighted 'surveilling the public' above too; oversight!) This is also such a chilling panel:

Back more directly to the topic at hand, there is a marked difference between the work Yor and Twilight are shown doing, and this introduction of Yuri:

I think potentially one of the trickiest things with navigating SxF is that the internal ethics need be judged by the internal matrices we're shown. Twilight isn't really akin to a real world spy: he can change his face, body shape and voice within seconds, and it's clear that he and WISE are invested in some level of protection of innocent people who get caught up in their missions (or at least mitigation of harms, if Twilight's comment that WISE would look after Yor and Anya post-Strix is indicative). Yor isn't really akin to a real world contract killer: never mind running faster than cars, she can just stand in the middle of the road on one leg and kick a car hard enough it veers into a streetlamp, and otherwise her targets, at least, are consistently shown to be individuals or groups that would, by rights, be brought to criminal trial and that they are not indicates a clear failing in Ostania's criminal justice system. Which makes sense, when we see the explanation of the SSS above.

WISE and Garden are only an ethical option when the SSS is the main arbiter of justice: the SSS's fundamental model is flawed, because it is demanding its citizens see one another as inherently suspect, to surveil one another and ultimately to turn on one another. If the metrics for traitor-of-the-state are things like being a single woman and having extramarital affairs, then what makes for the truly traitorous is diluted to such an extent as to essentially be meaningless. The SSS aren't looking to implement justice; their goal is clearly control under the spurious declaration of order. Control and order are not justice; they are reiterations of power and oppression masquerading as justice and safety, leaving instead a void. And into that void of justice and safety step groups like Garden and WISE, and, jumping ahead for a moment, even the way Olka Gretcher's crime family was described demonstrates them stepping in where the government failed (and the Gretcher successor reneging on that role).

I wish I'd snapped some of the statements from/about WISE in the first volume, but I also tend to think SxF's primary exploration of the intersection of morality and justice is going to be in the contrast between the choices made by the Briar siblings and the potential inevitable clash between Garden and the SSS. And the intersection of morality and safety may well play out between Twilight and Donovan Desmond, and the choices they each make. To that, choice overlays everything, and the contrast of the exercise of power.

[willothewispwisteriadawn]

I posted this on Reddit a LONG time ago. But here are my Until Dawn headcanons!

Josh's medical file saying he had incidents at school: I think they were based on emotional outbursts, but I also headcanon that he got in violent altercations with kids if he caught them picking on Hannah (for being shy and a little odd) or Chris (for being nerdy). He just went into angry big brother mode.

I think, in the past, that Mike and Matt tended to hang out a lot since they're guys, and Chris and Josh more hung out with each other. But, during the year between lodge visits, Chris and Mike began hanging out more. Chris was starting to need breaks from the everything going on with Josh, and Mike and Matt started to get a little awkward due to girl drama.

Josh wants Chris and Ashley to get together for these reasons: A) because he wants to see Chris win B) he finds the relationship kind of cool and cinematic C) while he's impressed by Mike's rizz, he's also annoyed at him for cycling through the girls in their group, particularly because of what happened to Hannah, and wants to prevent Mike from getting with anyone else D) I'm stealing this from someone, but Josh became aware of Sam's mom trying to set Sam up with Chris and is unhappy with that since he subconsciously likes Sam.

Chris's parents are doctors/nurses who work long shifts, and that's partially how he started spending a lot of time with tech and getting interested in it.

Chris's parents are well-off and will get him nice electronics for his birthday and Christmas, but are really against spoiling him so--the rest of the year--they make him buy pretty much all his own stuff with money he earned.

Emily and Jessica became close because of their interest in the fashion industry. They had really big dreams involving Jess being a famous model, and Emily being a well-known fashion editor. They used to have a spa night once a year where they watched *The Devil Wears Prada* (They are both very adamant that the Emily in that film is the best character, and they quote her all the time).

Ashley and Chris started studying together because Ashley is a whiz at English/literature and Chris is a whiz at math, and they joke about how they're now unstoppable because they tutor each other in their weaker areas.

Matt is not much of a reader, but Ashley got him hooked on faerie romances with girlboss characters, and they started meeting (subtly because neither of them want it to be public that they love this type of literature) to rave about the books. Matt listens to the audiobooks while he's working out. Chris started to catch onto the fact Matt/Ashley talk a lot, and he is internally a bit worried about it.

Bob and Melinda Washington adore Sam and Chris, because they were honestly a little concerned about Hannah and Josh developing good friendships. They don't like Mike much and, after the prank, they tried to cut him out of their lives and were not happy Josh wanted to invite him back up to the lodge but eventually relented. They are also a bit wary about Emily and Jess, but not as much as Mike.

Beth always picks the movie when the Washington siblings have little movie nights in their home theater. This is because Hannah and Josh have polar opposite tastes in films.

Emily keeps saying she's going to give Chris a make-over because he has no style, and she views this “as a challenge befitting of her skills and superior taste.” She's kind of insulting about it, and Chris gets very annoyed/defensive while also kind of getting that Emily doesn't actually dislike him and says some of this in fondness.

Sam is a bit of a big-sister figure to Ashley. She likes doting on her, because she views Ashley as sweet and sensitive.

Sam has another group of friends that she rock-climbs with.

Chris really loves sleeping and is always the first person to fall asleep on voice chat or at parties. He's a deep sleeper and sets like five different alarms. However, he also periodically games late at night (with the help of many energy drinks) so he specifically avoided signing up for any college classes before 11am so that he can sleep for most of the morning.

Chris got the group together for a D&D campaign (Btw, he references D&D at the seance). The following happened: Josh ended up moving it over to his house because he built a really cool setup for it, Sam was always the one to defuse fights, Emily complained about how stupid it was but was also really good at it (and opinionated about it), Josh kept trying to seduce monsters, Mike/Jess got obsessed with using "vicious mockery," Chris used NPCs to very subtly flirt with Ashley's character, and it all ended when Mike insisted they could take an enemy well above their levels--Emily's character died.

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

It's been said a hundred times but growing up with trauma and just... in general going through more trauma than the average person throughout your life really does skew your perspective. You go through like, nearly a year long period of just. Not being okay and you think "what is going on? Why do I feel like this all the time?" and then you think back like, point by point and realize... "oh. Right. That was A Lot that happened to me all at once and I was under constant stress for a really long time and anyone would've been deeply impacted by that for awhile."

I'm okay, it just somehow is now occurring to me that I actually deserve to give myself a lot of grace for that time and it's okay that I didn't follow through on my plans while I was literally just trying to survive day by day. Idk. Sharing these thoughts just to get them out in some way and also, maybe this will be helpful for you to make this realization sooner than I did 🫶 I see you, and you're doing the best that you can with what you have

[smolbeandrabbles]

Me, reading this fic:

I ran out of tags! 🥲 It’s been so fun to read your work! 🥰 Especially of the certified Best Boy™️

I can’t wait to read more 💚

Dance with me? (Roronoa Zoro x f!reader)

Summary: you try to convince Zoro to dance to a slow song with you.

A/n: okay so i love dancing. And i love Zoro. So i thought: why not have Zoro dancing?! And then this idea came out 🤣 it's kinda short, just cause i wanted to write down this scenario ajskajakja i hope you like it though 🩷 this was slightly inspired by Selena Gomez's Body Heat. This song isn't as slow as the song i imagine them dancing to in the fic but the lyrics fit sooo well 🤭 also let's pretend there's a band playing at the Baratie lmaooo

Warnings: drinking, swearing, maybe ooc Zoro (i just had to get this man dancing yk ajskajksja)

"We're connected by the sun

And all of the stars above

You melt me and my body feels no shame

And I don't care tonight

If it burns too bright

'Cause, baby, that's why I came"

You were at the Baratie celebrating after very a successful mission!

Luffy and Usopp were inside eating as much as they could (like always lol) and you were outside watching the band play and the people dance.

Sitting with you and sharing drinks, there were your best friend Nami and your crush Roronoa Zoro.

Yep, you were crushing on the moss haired swordsman ever since you joined the straw hats.

You thought about confessing to him several times, but you were really afraid of being rejected and making things awkward at the Going Merry. No, you couldn't risk that, not when you loved your crew that much.

What you didn't know is that the pretty swordsman felt exactly the same, even though he tried to fight that feeling everytime you flashed your beautiful smile at him.

yeah two idiots secretly in love with each other oh well ajskajskaj

The three of you were just relaxing and drinking when the band started playing one of your favorite songs. It was a slow and romantic song that touched deep into your heart.

- oh my gosh, i love this song - you closed your eyes and started swaying to the beat. It felt wonderful.

You weren't sure if it was the alcohol making you brave or if you just couldn't stand hiding your feelings anymore, but you turned to face Zoro and you were so certain of what you were saying even he was a bit surprised.

- come on, dance with me - you said, very sure of your words.

- what? No. I don't do "dancing", (Y/N). - Zoro replied, crossing his arms and looking away, knowing very well that if he kept looking at your beautiful eyes he was going to give in at some point.

- please, it's just one song... i can lead you - you said almost pleading.

You approached him and put your small hand on his strong arm (yep, the alcohol definitely was making you brave). That's when he couldn't resist anymore and turned to look at you.

- please, Zoro... for me?

The way you said that and tilted your head slightly to the side made Zoro feel something deep inside of him he never had felt before. How could he say no to you?

He rolled his eyes:

- okay, okay... but just one song. Make it quick.

You were so happy you nearly jumped out of your seat.

- yay!! It'll be short, i promise. Let's go! - you said clapping and happily standing up.

He got up too and you grabbed his hand to lead him to the dance area. Yes, you just grabbed the Roronoa Zoro's hand and pulled him with you. Maybe it weren't the drinks, maybe you were just really determined to be with him ajskajskaj

When you got there, you started giving him the directions.

- okay, you have to put your hands here - you grabbed both his hands and placed them on your waist. The touch was so soft and intimate it made your whole skin tingle - and i go here - you placed your arms around his neck.

You could feel he was still a bit suspicious about the whole thing for how tense his muscles felt, but you decided you were going to make that a good time for both of you.

- hey, you're tense - you said softly - just... relax, okay? I know it may seem scary but dancing is supposed to be fun. You don't have to be a pro to enjoy it, just... feel it. It's just you and I having a good time together. No pressure at all.

Little did you know Zoro wasn't feeling nervous because of the dancing. Well, maybe a bit (he had never done that before ajskajskaj), but it wasn't the main reason.

He was nervous for being that close to you. God knows what he could do being so close to the girl he had been crushing on for so long.

You ran your hands through his shoulders and arms, trying to calm him down and feeling his strong muscles slowly relaxing under your touch.

- now you just focus on the beat and move along. When i move right, you move right. When i go back, you go forward. Just... feel it and enjoy - you said kindly and you started moving with the song.

You both moved smoothly through the dance floor and it felt amazing.

- see, it's not that hard. I'm sure you've faced bigger challenges than this one, pirate hunter - you emphasized these two words in a mocking way.

That made him chuckle and look down, feeling a bit shy.

Yes! You made him laugh 🤩 you loved knowing you were the one to create such cute sight.

On the other hand: fuck, you made him laugh 💀 everytime he smiled it made you weak on your knees and you couldn't even think straight.

That's when you closed your eyes and rested your head on his chest, while you both just moved along to the beat. It was such a blissful moment, dancing to a song you loved and sharing it with a person you loved too.

Being there with him, enjoying the beat, feeling safe in Zoro's arms... you felt like you could live in that moment forever.

When you lifted your head and looked into his eyes again, it was like the rest of the world disappeared. There was just the two of you, holding each other and sharing loving looks.

You were so close and you could feel his eyes staring at your lips. You took that as a sign.

You cupped his cheek and slowly went in for a kiss.

Was that really happening?! You wanted to pinch yourself to check if all of that wasn't actually another delulu dream of yours.

But it was real. You could feel it.

The kiss was soft and sweet, but also full of emotion.

When you parted you were blushing madly so you just hid your face on his chest again and went back to dancing. This time you could feel he laid his head on top of yours too and that made your heart so warm. And that's because you didn't know he was enjoying it so much he had his eyes closed too, or else you would have exploded.

You knew at some point later you and Zoro would have to discuss feelings and stuff, but at that moment all that mattered was enjoying now.

You stayed like that for another few seconds until the song ended and everyone started clapping at the band. You and Zoro parted and smiled at each other. crap there was that pretty smile again

- see, you nailed it! - you said playfully punching him - thank you for coming with me, it was so nice. And i kept my promise, short and quick - you chuckled.

- yeah... now i kinda wish it lasted longer though - he said trying to look away to hide the small blush that was on his cheeks. Now besides smiling!Zoro, you also had him blushing?! It was definitely a dream.

You hooked your arm in his and led him out the dance area.

When you were going back to your seats, you saw Nami staring at you with a smug face. Damn, was she watching the whole thing?! Prepare for teasing in 3, 2...

- what a show, huh? - Nami said smirking and raising her eyebrows.

- shut up, Nami - Zoro said nonchalantly as he sat down and crossed his arms again, with that "100% done" face of his to try to hide the faint blush that was still on his cheeks.

You just chuckled and sat down for another drink, still feeling the bliss of that amazing moment you had just lived.

And you know what, the night was just beginning. Who knows what else could happen 😉

"Let's go all night

Just you and me

If you're the flame, I'm kerosene"

[dollishmehrayan]

# “THE WOMAN WAS TOO STUNNED TO SPEAK…” ── .✦ ( batboys w an unhinged!reader and blunt!reader )

a/n: this is from my little brain of mine , and I like to honor it for @kyriakis anywhoo I’m back and omg 1k?! Alsoo guys dw! I’m gonna do the event tomorrow && I’m gonna pick out some prompts I have organized, so i didn't forget okay but i just got a lot of DMs asking when I’m gonna do it for you guyss so yeah it’s gonna be tomorrow since I’m gonna re-edit + add some ideas of your guys votes!! Tags: (batboys x unhinged!reader)

© dollishmehrayan — ( all rights reserved to me. These works cannot be reposted, translated, or modified. Thank you for understanding dollies! )

DICK GRAYSON ── .✦

He’s always caught off guard but loves it. Your bluntness is a breath of fresh air for Dick, who’s so used to diplomatic conversations. You say whatever’s on your mind with zero filter, and he’s like, “Oh, wow. Okay. I respect it.”

Hates it when you don’t hold back with him. He’s used to being the charming, funny guy who makes everyone laugh, but you hit him with a “That was dumb, don’t do that again” and his brain short circuits for a second. “You can’t just say that!” “Why not?”

Finds it hilarious when you wreck other people’s egos. You have zero time for anyone’s nonsense, and when someone messes up, you let them know. Dick’s in the background, trying not to laugh. “Do you not think before you speak?!…” He’s always acts so shocked but hey, he’s kinda enjoying it unless it’s aimed at him. (He can’t fight verbally for the life of him without saying some cringe shit)

Doesn’t even try to change you. Dick knows what he’s getting into, and he loves you for it. He’s never going to ask you to ‘tone it down.’ He actually finds your unapologetic attitude pretty hot.

He’s 50% worried you’ll get into trouble, 50% impressed. But in the end, he’ll always back you up, saying, “She’s just honest. Get used to it.”

JASON TODD ── .✦

Finally, someone who speaks his language. Jason lives for the fact that you don’t care what people think. He loves how blunt you are, especially when you cut through the BS with the precision of a sharp knife.

Gets protective when people try to push your boundaries. If someone dares disrespect you, Jason’s the first one to step in. “You’ve got a problem with her? You’ve got a problem with me.”, “Jason that was so fucking cringey..”

Appreciates that you don't sugarcoat things for him. You’ll tell him exactly how it is, whether it’s about his attitude or a bad decision he made, and he respects it, it’s like the tt sound where “that’s when it hit me, it was the best idea I ever had..” but like this: “Not gonna lie, that was a terrible plan, Jay,” and he’ll just nod. “Fair.”

You guys have the most chaotic, weirdest conversations. It’s a mix of witty banter, ridiculous one-liners, and deadpan sarcasm. Other people can’t even keep up with the energy.

The idea of dating a ‘good girl’ never appealed to him anyway. He thrives off your unhinged energy. You’re unpredictable, and it keeps him on his toes, which he loves. “Yeah, you’re definitely not boring.” (Although the thing is he does love innocent people, like if you’re like gen clueless he wants preserve your innocence.)

TIM DRAKE ── .✦

Tim’s brain can’t keep up with you. Your blunt, no-nonsense attitude constantly makes him blink in confusion. One minute you’re casually roasting someone, and the next, you’re giving a straight-up critique of his latest plan. He’s learning that he can’t outthink you.

He admires your unapologetic honesty. Tim has a lot of internalized doubts, so watching you casually reject anyone’s judgment is a nice contrast. You don’t apologize for your thoughts, and it’s something he secretly admires.

Constantly second-guesses himself around you. Your sharp tongue makes him want to be as confident as you. He gets nervous about saying anything that might sound soft, so when he stumbles, you’re like, “What was that? I swear you just whispered something.” And he’ll blush hard, muttering an apology.

You both have a sarcastic sense of humor that others don’t quite get. You say something outrageous, and Tim will respond with the driest remark possible. People in the room often wonder if you two are joking or just genuinely a bit rude.

Not scared to call him out. When Tim’s too nice, you’ll be like, “You need to stop letting people walk all over you. Grow some teeth.” Tim won’t admit it, but that does motivate him to be a little bolder.

DAMIAN WAYNE ── .✦

Damian is a bit taken aback at first. He’s used to people being respectful or like seeing him as kinda a role model, so when you come out with a “That’s dumb, don’t even talk to me right now,” he’s not sure how to handle it. He will stand there, blinking, while processing your bluntness. (He’s too stunned to speak 😞)

Genuinely respects your forthrightness, though. “I’ll admit, I have never met someone so… honest.” He starts respecting you even more, thinking you’re someone he can’t manipulate or charm easily.

Loves that you’re as stubborn as he is. If you’re determined about something, there’s no changing your mind. You’ll fight for your opinions even if it gets you into a heated debate. And Damian’s right there with you, arguing like it’s the most fun thing in the world.

Tries to match your bluntness. “You talk too much,” he says one day, and you immediately reply, “And yet, here you are, listening to every word I say.” Damian actually pauses for a second, impressed. “Right..”

Loves how you’ll shut down his critics with zero hesitation. Someone says something disrespectful to him, and you’ll be the first to shoot back, “He doesn’t need your advice, trust me.” He’ll give you a proud little smirk. “I like the way you handle things.”

BRUCE WAYNE ── .✦

At first, Bruce is a bit disconcerted by your bluntness. Bruce’s the kind of guy who expects people to be formal and classy, and you just come in with “This entire meeting is a waste of my time. I don’t care about any of this.” He blinks, then quietly admires your bravery.

Totally respects your unfiltered honesty. Bruce has had enough of the world’s games, so when you don’t bother to pretend or hold anything back, it’s like a breath of fresh air for him.

Secretly loves when you don’t play nice." He knows you're not afraid of saying what you think, and when you call him out on his brooding or overly protective behavior, he listens. “You’re right. I’m sorry for not trusting you more.” (He totally doesn’t have a tracker on your hair clip..🥰)

You both have moments of pure savage honesty that no one else gets. There’s no need for filters, and you’ll both exchange one-liners so dry that it leaves everyone else in the room confused.

Finds it endearing when you make his plans more interesting. “This is ridiculous. Why are we doing this again?” You snap at him in a room full of his board members, and he just gives you a look that says, “I’m never apologizing for you.”

[no-144444]

prince charming- l.norris

summary: lando brings his niece to the ballet, who knew he'd find love?

pairing: lando norris x fem! ballerina! reader

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Another show finished, another day done. All you had to do was meet some children and show them around the stage. It was a thing the company had decided to do after every single show, and you were one of the only ballerinas who enjoyed it. Everyone else ran out of there as fast as they could, but you stayed around, in full costume, showing them everything. 

“Y/n! Y/n! Look!” Mila, the little girl that had been assigned to you pulled on your hand and you followed her over. “It’s your Prince Charming!” She pointed at your co-star, Richard, who was playing Prince Charming while you played Cinderella. He was lovely and one of your best friends, but Mila’s face fell when she saw him kiss another girl, aka his actual girlfriend Mia. “He’s kissing someone else!” she gasped, looking at you hurt. 

You smiled. “We’re only together in the show, remember? My name isn’t Cinderella, is it?” You chuckled and she nodded, laughing. “So, that’s Richard, and he’s Mia’s real-life Prince Charming, not mine.”

She nodded understandingly. “Do you have a Prince Charming?”

You internally cringed, why did kids always want to know about your love-life? “No,” you smiled. 

Her face lit up. “OH! Perfect! Uncle Lala!” she called for her uncle to come over as your face fell. “Uncle Lala will you be Y/n’s Prince Charming so she can be my Auntie and we can have fun forever?!” 

Mila’s excited face and the ridiculousness of her statement, reminding him she truly didn’t know how the world worked, made him giggle. And with Lando, when he starts, he doesn’t stop. It took a whole minute for him to stop laughing, while you sat there awkwardly. You knew who he was, you knew why he was laughing, but it was still rude. Just say no, dude. 

“Mila, it doesn’t work like that,” he explained. “She’s way too pretty for me,” he whispered, sitting down beside her, and in front of you. 

Your eyes widened and you looked down, confused at the entire situation. 

“I know she is,” Mila answered (subtle dig at her uncle, but alright). “But you could ask her to dance or something. Princesses like dancing.”

Lando shook his head. “I’m an awful dancer.”

“Why do you just try talking to her!” Mila scoffed, then ran off to go look at some of the set of the show. 

You looked up and met his eyes and you both started laughing. “I’m so sorry about her, she gets like this sometimes,” he admitted, a slight blush on his cheeks. 

“It’s alright, it happens sometimes,” you waved him off, an easy smile on your face. 

“You get hit on through people’s nieces a lot?” he questioned. 

You chuckled. “It’s more common than you think, people love the ballerina shtick.”

He laughed. “How old are you?”

“I’m 23,” you answered. “And I’m Y/n.”

“I’m Lando,” he held his hand out to be shaken. “Nice to meet you.”

“NIce to meet you too,” you smiled, shaking his hand. “Congratulations on the year you’ve had.”

“You watch F1?”

You nodded. “My mom has been into it since she was a kid, she gave that to me, so… yeah.”

“Who’s your favourite driver?” he smirked and you chuckled. 

“Nico Hulkenberg,” you smirked. 

He chuckled. “Understandable,” he smiled, nodding. “Mila is probably off somewhere trying to destroy your set, I should probably go grab her.”

You both got up and smiled at each other. “It was nice to meet you.”

“It was nice to meet you too, Prince Charming,” you joked, he giggled. 

And that was that. 

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For the next few days, Lando could not get you out of his head. You were funny, kind, beautiful, good with Mila, everything he wanted in a person, yet he’d let you slip away. You weren’t even on social media, but he followed the company’s instagram and some of your friends to see pictures of you. He decided, once the season ended, he’d go back and find you. Maybe he really could become your Prince Charming. 

He joined the rest of the crowd in their standing ovation as you bowed, smiling brightly. He waited around and followed a few more people backstage to finally see you again. 

“Lando?” you questioned as you looked at him from behind. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you again,” he shrugged. “Happy holidays.”

You smiled. “So it is true,” your eyes shone with a hint of mischief. “You did follow the company account.”

He screwed his face up in a half-smile-half-grimace, he’d been caught. “You don’t have a public account, thought it would be weird to follow you on your private one.”

You chuckled. “I would’ve let you follow me,” you told him. “You are my Prince Charming, right?”

He beamed. “Right,” he nodded. “Dinner?”

“Let me get out of costume,” you agreed. You started to walk off and he didn’t follow, unsure what to do. You turned back and grabbed his hand. “Come on!”

He was very happy he had brought Mila to the ballet.

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[popcornpoppypop]

Blood is Blood

Summary: You're one of the best attendings in The Pitt, Robby and Abbot trained you up themselves. When you find yourself in a tough spot and need someone to drive you home from an abortion, it had to be Robby.

Warnings: Abortion, vomit, blood, bad boyfriens

A/N: I have not had an abortion, I have had friends who had them and taken care of them after. That is mostly the information I used for this and some stories on reddit, I wanted to rely on patient experience rather than medical procedure and policy for this one.

You had only been an attending for a total of six months, and in that time, you had to help lead the hospital through a mass shooting, the idiot who let off fireworks in the trauma bay, listeria outbreaks 1 through 3, and train the new interns and med students. It had been a lot.

You had leaned on your fellow attendings, trying to learn how to be a leader and the one everyone turned to for everything. Dr. Abbot helped teach you that some people need to be pushed even if they look like they might crumble. Dr. Robby taught you how to make sure everyone was looked after. They both showed you how to carry the weight of every patient and staff member on your shoulders. You figured they would get as tense and tired as theirs were one day.

Robby and you had struck up a friendship and mentorship. It sometimes veered into something else, something neither of you had the confidence to name. Nothing more than flirty jokes and glances across the trauma bay. Besides, you had a boyfriend. Or a sort of boyfriend. You fucked a guy.

“Hey, you look like shit.” Robby smirked as you walked up to the hub desk. Your face pale, shoulders hunched, clearly dehydrated.

“Yeah. Not a great morning.” You sighed.

“You need to go home?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

“Haha. That’s so funny. I’ll be fine. Write me a prescription for Zofran and I’ll be fine.” You groaned as you sat down to start working on your morning paperwork.

“If you need Zofran, you need to go home. Maybe you got that flu that was going around, can’t have you getting patients sick.” Robby shook his head.

“It’s not the flu. I’m fine. Can you just leave it? I’m not in the mood.” You bit back.  Robby’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. You were never angry, not really and never with him or the staff. Hell, a med student vomited on your shoes and you still fussed over making sure they were okay.

“Alright. Don’t push yourself too hard.” He pointed and walked away.

You were grateful he hadn’t pushed it any further. You really didn’t know how to deal with your situation and Robby fussing wouldn’t make it better.

You managed your way through most of the shift, having to stop and sit a couple of times. Something Robby was keenly aware of. You were about to head into another room when your phone rang. Robby watched you take it, something that was also very abnormal for you. You had a strict policy with yourself about phone usage.

“What!? No. That’s not going to be possible.” You snapped. Robby watched as you got frantic with whoever was on the phone.

“F-fine. I’ll figure something out I guess. Yeah, keep the appointment.” You hung up the phone and shoved it back in your pocket as you stomped off to the next room.

“Hey, Dana, what’s going on with her?” Robby leaned over the counter. Dana looked up at him, glasses perched on the end of her nose, then to you and back to him with a confused look.

“How the hell should I know? You two are besties, surely if she wanted anyone here to know, you’d be the first.” She shrugged.

“She’s off today.” Robby wrung his hands together.

“She’s doing fine. You’re just nosey.” Dana laughed. Robby waved her off as he watched you scurry from room to room.

You were grateful when you saw Dr. Shen walk in. You were ready for the day to be over, you were ready before you got out of bed that morning.

“John, I am so glad to see you.” You sighed as you walked up to him.

“It’s nice to be needed.” He smiled as he sipped his coffee. You rolled your eyes as you began to rattle off your cases to him.

“You’re lucky you get Y/N as your number two. Shen still hasn’t found his drive yet. Not sure what I’m going to have to do for that kid to get motivated.” Abbot shook his head.

“Has she seemed off to you lately?” Robby asked as he watched you and Dr. Shen talk.

“No. But we only work together once a week. Why? Something up? You think she’s breaking” Jack leaned in with a concerned look.

“I don’t know. Dana thinks I’m being nosey. I don’t know. I’ll keep an eye on it.” Robby shrugged as he hiked his backpack on his shoulder. He ran to catch up with you as you left.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay? You seemed upset today.” Robby dug through his backpack.

“Just…don’t feel well.” You said, you could feel the emotion catching in your throat. Your body knew when the day was over and would start to make the wall of professionalism crumble.

“You need anything?” He asked as he handed you a protein bar. You often forgot to eat until you got home. He’d caught you when you passed out from low blood sugar once. He tried to shove protein bars at you every couple of hours.

You took it and flipped it around in your hands. You’re mind was racing, too much happening. You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I…”

“Hey, you two coming to the park? I got those seltzer things you like Y/N.” Donnie smiled.

“I can’t.” You blurted out in a way that made the two men look at you confused. “I’m not feeling well.” You cleared your throat. Donnie nodded and walked off.

“You need me to walk you home? Where’s that boy you’re with anyway? He usually drives you home.” Robby looked around the street.

“We…broke up.” Your voice cracking.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Robby suddenly felt like an ass. “Come on. I’ll walk you home.” He said, guiding you by the shoulder.

You walked in silence for a while. Robby keeping on eye on you, watching as a thousand thoughts flashed across your face. He wanted to stop and ask what the hell was going through your head but didn’t want to impose. He walked you to the front door of your apartment and was going to start his goodbyes when you grabbed his hand and pulled him into the apartment.

“Whoa, what the hell Y/N?” Robby stumbled into the apartment, nearly face-planting with the force you pulled him.

“Sorry! I just, I need something and I couldn’t ask while people were around and it’s already going to be hard for me to ask and I just feel myself losing the nerve.” Your words falling out of your mouth in a rush of anxiety and desperation.

“Hey, it’s okay. Take a breath. What’s going on?” Robby put his hands on your shoulders.

“I need to ask you a favor.” You bit at your bottom lip, tasting the copper as it started to bleed. You lead Robby into the living room, gesturing for him to sit. He obliged, though his confusion hadn’t lightened.

“Are you in trouble?” Robby ran his hands up and down his legs as his anxiety started to rise.

“No. Well, yes.” You sighed. “Okay, I need you to let me just get all of the information out and then you can ask questions.” You looked at him with big, scared eyes.

“Okay, I’ll be quiet.” He agreed, his brows furrowed still.

“I found out three days ago that I’m pregnant. I didn’t notice any symptoms for so long, most of the ones I did kind of notice I chalked up to stress. When I finally went into my GP to try and get something for my acid reflux, she told me that I was pregnant. Went to the OB, she confirmed it. Problem is, I’m 12 weeks, or I guess closer to 13 now. Anyway, I don’t want to be pregnant and I sure as hell don’t have the time for a damn baby. I got set up for an abortion appointment next Wednesday. Oh! I told Darren, the guy I was seeing. He took off, screamed in my face how it was my fault and left. Prick. Anyway, I got a call today that because it’s further along they’ll have to do a surgical abortion and I’ll be sedated and because of that I have to have someone to take me home or they won’t do it. So, I need someone to pick me up and I love Samira but she’s so young and she still lets secrets slip sometimes and you’re off on Wednesday too and I trust you to keep this to yourself.” You took a breath, feeling like you just did sprints.

Robby sat there trying to decipher the information he had just received.

“Darren screamed in your face? You’re pregnant and he screamed in your face?” Robby felt himself starting to get angry, who the hell does that?

“I think you missed the important part.” You crossed your arms.

“No, I got that important part. I’m taking you to get an abortion on Wednesday. He screamed in your face? Where does he live exactly?” Robby asked as he got his phone out of his pocket.

“He’s an idiot, not important. I’m not giving you that information anyway.” You rolled your eyes.

“I bet Abbot could figure it out. He’d have some shit to mess him up too.” Robby said mostly to himself.

“Jesus, Robby!” You snapped.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. You’re right. Not important. Are you okay? I mean, that’s a lot to deal with.” Robby looked up at you with those soft, brown eyes that could melt snow.

“Y-yeah. It’s not great, but I’m fine.” You shrugged.

“You’ll tell me if you’re not.” He said it as an order more than anything.

“I will. Sorry, I freaked you out.” You tore your eyes from his in an attempt to keep from getting too worked up.

“Okay. What time?”

“Huh?”

“What time do I pick you up?” He tilted his head.

“Oh right. Duh! The procedure lasts about forty five minutes, appointment is at noon so around 12:45pm.” You nodded.

“So, 11:30am. Got it. I’ll be out front at 11:30am.” He nodded

“You don’t have to drive me. I was going to uber there.”

“Honey, Please. Like I’m letting you do that.” He shook his head, a smile spread across his face.

“Uh…” You’re mind going blank.

“I’ll see you Wednesday.” He nodded as he left.

You tried to go about the rest of the week as normal. Unsure how to feel about any of it. It was too much to think about, you put it in a box to deal with later.

You let out a groan as you forced yourself awake, Wednesday morning. You kept to your normal routine, showering, brushing your teeth, putting your hair up. The doorbell went off at 11am. Of course he would be early.

“You’re early.” You raise an eyebrow at Robby who was leaning on the doorway with two coffees.

“Wanted to make sure you had enough time to talk if you wanted.” He said, handing you a latte.

“I’m not supposed to have this.” You scolded.

“Oh we both know that it’s fine. You haven’t eaten anything right?” He asked, taking his sunglasses off.

“No, but they said no coffee.” You said sipping the latte.

“You’ll be fine. Enjoy the caffeine.” He had an Ikea bag slung over his shoulder as he barged into your apartment.

“What are you doing?” You looked at him, confused.

“Where are you going to want to rest up? Bed or couch?” he asked, looking like a man on a mission.

“Um, I was planning on staying on the couch mostly. Why?” You followed him into the living room. “I wanted to get it setup now so we aren’t worrying about it later.” He said as he started pulling things out of the bag.

“What the hell is all that?”

“Right, I did some googling,”

“Dangerous.”

“I found some Reddit posts where women talked about what they needed or wanted when they were recovering. I got you a new heating pad, a new blanket, and one of those neck massagers because it looked cool. I got some snacks, too. I got a big ass water bottle, too, that you will finish today, no arguments.” He said as he started positioning everything within arm's reach.

“Robby, you didn’t need to do all that.” You said, your throat tight with emotion.

“Yeah, well, I wanted to. So, I’m only going to ask once and then we can move on. Are you sure?” He said, suddenly getting serious.

“Thank you. Yes, I’m sure. I can’t…I can’t have a baby right now.” You looked away, the tears stinging as they formed.

“Okay. That’s okay.” He smiled. “Let’s get this done with then.” He nodded as he grabbed your sweatshirt hanging by the door and tossed it to you.

The waiting room for the OB was always so odd. Some people were there to get great news. Some for check ups, just another Wednesday. Some people were there with bad news. No one every really knew how to act. You sat in the uncomfortable chair, your knee bouncing with nerves.

“You okay?” Robby asked.

“Just nervous.” You cleared your throat.

“I forgot to ask, do you want me in there?” He shifted to face you.

“That’s asking too much.” You shook your head.

“It’s really not. If you want privacy that’s okay. But I’m more than happy to sit with you.” Robby smiled. You looked up at him, your hands were shaking and he could see how nervous you were.

“Okay. Yeah. Please.” You stuttered.

“Y/N L/N?” The nurse called out. You jumped up and scurried toward her. She brought you into a procedure room and handed you a gown.

“Hubby, you can help her get dressed.” The nurse said.

“Oh no. I’m not, I’m just here for moral support.” Robby’s face flushed red.

“Could have fooled me.” She chuckled as she left.

“I’ll just turn around, while you do that.” Robby cleared his throat as he faced the wall. You laughed as you gowned up. This man has torn the clothes off of countless patients but the thought of seeing you nude made him blush.

“You can turn around.” You said as you got settled on the bed. Your hands sat on your lap; you nervously picked at the cuticle.

“You doing okay?” Robby sat in the stool beside the bed.

“Don’t laugh, but I really have a hard time with needles and get nervous with sedation.” You sighed.

“Seriously? You’re around needles all day. You sedate people all day.” He scoffed.

“I know, other people. Not me.” You fidgeted with the collar of your gown. Robby realized you were serious and moved to take your hand.

“It’s not full sedation, just enough to relax you. I’ll be here the whole time, so you know there won’t be any mistakes. Okay?” He moved his head so you’d make eye contact. You nodded, afraid if you opened your mouth you’d start crying.

“Good morning, Y/N. It’s good to see you again.” Dr. Smith smiled as she came in.

“Good morning.” You cleared your throat.

“Is this your partner?”

“Oh no, just the moral support.” Robby smiled.

“Okay, do you need me to go over anything, I assume you understand the procedure.” Dr. Smith asked as she sat down across from you.

“No, I’m just ready to get this over with.” You took a deep breath.

“Understandable. Nurse Garcia is going to come in and get an IV going and start the sedation. Once you’re comfortable we’ll get started.” She nodded as she left.

“last chance to make a break for it.” Robby smiled.

“I can’t wait for the drugs, Jesus my hands are sweaty.” You shook your shaking hands. Robby laughed, though he could see the grief forming in your eyes.

“Hello, I’m Nurse Garcia. I’m going to get you hooked up for sedation.” She smiled. She brought a tray over with the IV supplies on it. She started cleaning your arm and your breath started picking up.

“Hey, look at me. You’re okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You know that.” Robby held your hand in his, rubbing the soft skin in circles to distract you.

“Yeah, I know. I know that.” You nodded. His smile made the wrinkles around his eyes form and it made your stomach flip.

“Alright, sweetheart. You’re all set.” The nurse smiled. “I pushed the sedative, you should start to feel it in a few minutes.” She said as she lowered the lights and left the room.

“Not so bad.” Robby shrugged.

“She was good.” You nodded. “You were good.” You smiled.

“Not like I’ve been doing this for thirty years or anything.” He said.

“I should bring you to every blood draw.” You chuckled.

“I’d go if you needed.” He smiled. You couldn’t tell if it was real or the meds, but Robby was flirting. You wanted to flirt back, but this was your abortion and you were starting to feel high.

“Damn, that shit hit like train.” You mumbled as you swayed back and forth.

“Okay, Trainspotting. Lay back before you fall off.” He laughed as he helped you get comfortable.

“You’re so nice to me. I like it.” You smiled up at him sleepily.

“You’re easy to be nice to.” He said as he tucked the blanket around you.

“You aren’t this nice to the other attendings. You wouldn’t tuck Abbot in.” You laughed.

“I don’t think Jack would let me. He’d be an angry sedated patient.” You both chuckled.

“You have nice eyes. I always get all giddy when you smile and they look all gooey.” You mumbled.

“Oh yeah? Gooey?” Robby leaned on the guardrail.

“Yeah, like a sad puppy. It makes my tummy all butterfly-full of butterflies.” You said. Robby should tell you to stop. He should maybe excuse himself, have the nurse sit with you. But he wanted to say the same thing back.

“Alright Y/N. We’re going to get started.” Dr. Smith came in.

“Hooray. I can’t wait to have an empty uterus.” You cheered.

“Let’s get her legs in the stirrups.” Dr. Smith said as the nurse put your feet up.

“I can’t believe I let that stupid boy knock me up. Dumb boys.” You grumbled.

“We are dumb, sorry.” Robby nodded.

“No. You’re not a boy. You’re a man. Men are stupid too but not as much. You wouldn’t scream at me. I need a man.” You grumbled.

“I’d never scream at you.” Robby said as he watched the tears quietly fall down your temples.

“A little sting now. Just to help open the cervix.” Dr. Smith said. Robby took your hand in his. You hissed as the pain hit. “Good. Alright, you’re going to feel some pressure.” Dr. Smith noted as she started her machine.

“It can help to massage her belly.” The nurse nodded to Robby.

“Right. Yeah.” Robby cleared his throat as he put his wide hand on your lower belly and gave a gentle rub.

“Hmm…Warm.” You hummed.

“Almost over.” Dr. Smith said.

“You’re doing great.” Robby said.

“Hurts.” You groaned with knitted brows.

“I know, Hun. Do your best to relax.” The nurse gave your leg a pat.

“Deep breaths, Y/N.” Robby couched.

“Ah! That’s too much!” you hissed.

“I know, just squeeze my hand. You’re nearly there.” Robby brushed some stray hair from your face.

“Okay, sweetheart. You’re all done. Everything looks good. We’ll keep you here for thirty minutes to make sure there’s no reactions and you can go home.” Dr. Smith smiled as she helped the nurse put your legs back down.

“It’s done?” You whimpered.

“Yeah, it’s done.” Robby confirmed with a soft smile. You nodded, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I don’t want to cry.” You sighed.

“It’s normal. Nothing to be ashamed of.” Robby said, handing you a tissue.

“I wanted this.” Your bottom lip trembled.

“Doesn’t mean it was going to feel good. You’ll be okay.” He rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.  Robby felt his heart breaking for you. He also couldn’t stop thinking about Darren. That boy would be in trouble if they crossed paths.

“I’m sorry, I asked you go through this.” You sighed, the sedation starting to wear off.

“I’m not. I would hate to know you’d gone through this alone.” He smiled. You looked up at him and you felt the need to ask him if he felt what you did. You were about to say something when the nurse came back in.

“Alright, you are good to go. Remember to take it easy today, the next week if you can. Drink lots of water and good meals. You’ll be bleeding on and off for a while. If you’re going through more than a pad an hour, go to the ER.” She said, handing you some paperwork.

“Okay. Thanks.” You said moving to sit up, Robby held your arms as your head wobbled a little.

“You want some help getting dressed?” Robby asked, keeping his patient care voice on.

“I…I might need it yeah.” You sighed as you fumbled with your underwear. Robby took them from your clumsy hands. He eased them up your legs, his fingers tracing up the skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. He stopped at the top of your thighs, letting you take over.

“Hold onto my shoulders, step in.” He instructed as he got you into your sweatpants. You finished pulling them all the way on.

“Can you untie the gown?” You asked turning away from him. He hummed in agreement. He pulled the tie and grabbed the gown, tossing it in the laundry bin by the door. He grabbed your shirt and pulled it over your head, his eyes never leaving your back.

“Sit back down, I’ll put your shoes on.” He cleared his throat as he put the shoes on. You watched as he tied them tight, the muscles in his shoulders flexing with his movements.

“Thank you.” You hummed.

“Let’s get you home.” He said, holding out his hands for you. You took them and clumsily got to your feet. You wobbled a little, Robby steadying you with an arm around your waist.

The car ride was quiet, not suffocating but nearing comfortable. You let your head lean against the cool window. You were fighting the nausea, you didn’t know if it was from sedation or morning sickness. You were losing the battle.

“Robby. Robby pull over!” You gasped, suddenly bolt up right.

“Okay, Okay.” He moved the car off the road. You fumbled to unbuckle yourself, flinging the door open. Robby ran around to you, grabbing your hair as you retched into the gutter.  “You’re okay. Easy.” He helped you sit back up.

“Ew.” You groaned.

“You alright?” He asked, looking you over like the trained medical professional he was.

“Yeah. I think it’s fine for now.” You nodded.

You had always had a low pain tolerance. You would break down if you scraped your knee. The pain radiating from your abdomen made you want to break down completely. The walk from the car to your apartment was arduous. You leaned most of your weight onto Robby. He offered to carry you, but you declined due to concerns for his back.

“Okay, let’s get you some Zofran.” He said as you got comfortable on the couch.

“I don’t have any.” You grumbled.

“Yes, you do.” He came back in with the pills. “Had them filled yesterday. Perks of working in an ER.” He smiled, handing it to you. You took them happily.

“Everyone said it wouldn’t be too bad. The liars.” You groaned as you wrapped the blanket around you.

“Different for everyone, you know that.” Robby sighed. “Drink your water. I’ll be back.” He nodded and left. You were going to question where he was going but decided you didn’t really care. Your head felt heavy and you didn’t care to fight it, letting yourself fall asleep.

“Honey, you need to eat something.” Robby’s rough voice lulling you awake. Your apartment suddenly filled with the smell of food.

“Hmm, what?” You grumbled, confused. Robby was standing next to you with a bowl.

“You need to eat so we can give you something for the pain.” He said, handing you a bowl of soup.

“What’s this?” you asked, confused as to where the hell he had found soup in your apartment.

“Chicken noodle soup. My grandma’s recipe, so no jokes. Her’s was better, not sure how.” He shrugged.

“You…made me soup?” You looked up at him, confused.

“Yes. It’s got protein and iron, two things you need most right now.” He said as he lifted a book into his lap.

“What is that?” you pointed to the book.

“Well, I would have hoped you encountered a book in med school at some point.” He teased.  “It’s a book about emotional trauma. My therapist is making me read it.” He cleared his throat as he put his glasses on.

“You brought a book? How long are you planning on being here?” You cocked an eyebrow.

“Until you go to bed tonight. Or you kick me out, whichever comes first.” He said, not looking up from his book. You let out a huff, enamored with this strange man. You ate a spoonful of soup and were surprised by how good it was.

“Fuck that’s really good!” You blurted out.

“Gee thanks.” Robby chuckled.

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Cook is a strong word. I get around the kitchen well enough. I make pasta, soup and that’s about it. The soup is in the genes.” He winked.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever made me soup.” You sipped at the broth.

“Really? Your mom never heated up a can when you were sick?”

“Ha! My mother barely checked my temperature if I was sick. I was a nuisance if I was sick. She never stayed home to take care of me. If I didn’t look sick enough, I was faking. I heated up my own soup.” You shrugged.

“Every time you tell me more about your life, I get sad.” Robby laughed.

“Oh, please.” You swatted at him. “You don’t need to stay here. I’m going to be asleep, mostly.” You said.

“Someone needs to make sure you hydrate. You’re terrible at it.” He said, flipping a page. You were going to retort but felt the distinct gush of blood that told you, you needed to change your pad at the same time a cramp squeezed your insides. A finishing move from your reproductive system.

“Oh fuck…” You groaned, hunched over.

“You okay? What do you need?” Robby put his book aside and put his hand on your back.

“Cramps. Blood. The usual.” You groaned. “I need…I gotta go change.” Your face red.

“Okay.” Robby didn’t hesitate to help you up.

“There’s going to be blood everywhere, just turn around.” You warned.

“Oh please. Like blood has ever bothered me, you know better.” Robby chuckled.

“But it’s different blood.”

“Blood is blood and I don’t give a shit.” He shrugged. “You go to the bathroom, I’ll clean this up.” He nodded. You grabbed his hands and heaved yourself up. Sure enough, blood everywhere.

“Damn, I liked that couch.” You shook your head as you hobbled off to the bedroom to get changed. When you came back out, the couch was cleaned up and a new blanket lay ready.

“I got you some OTC pain meds if you need them.” Robby’s glasses sat on the end of his nose as he scrolled on his phone. “Your color is still a little off. Do you want some apple juice? I got one that has iron.” He offered as you stood in front of him, looking confused.

“You got me apple juice with iron?”

“Well, you need to keep your blood sugar up so it’s easier for you to replenish your cells and you are bad about eating well. I knew making you drink juice would be easier.” He said putting his phone away. You watched him for a minute, trying to understand this man that was taking care of you like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Do you want to fuck me?”

“Whoa, what!?” He looked shocked, his face going red.

“I’m so confused.” You shrugged, going to sit back down.

“Are you feeling okay? Should I be worried about neuro symptoms right now?” Robby gave a nervous chuckle.

“Maybe it’s my bad luck with men or humans in general, but I’ve never had anyone take care of me, let alone to this level, unless they were trying to get something from me.” You wrapped the blanket around yourself.

“Honey, the fact that you weren’t looked after at any point in your life makes me want to take even better care of you.” Robby sighed, leaning on the back of the couch.  “To answer your question, no. I don’t want to fuck you.”

“Oh.” You said, your face flushed with embarrassment.

“I don’t want to fuck you because you just had an abortion and feel like shit. That would be very fucking weird of me.” Robby smirked. “But, if you’re asking if I have feelings for you, then yeah. I thought it was obvious.” He said.

“Obvious? In what world!?” You chuckled.

“I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. But you said that butterfly comment today, and even though you were high, I didn’t want to push it away anymore.” He sighed. “I wasn’t going to say anything tonight, by the way. Was just going to take care of you and go home. You forced my hand.”

“Jesus, Robby! You realize that all of this,” You waved your hands around the apartment and up and down his form. “would make any woman fall desperately in love with you? I already was, but you never gave a girl a chance!” You laughed.

“So, what I’m hearing is that you love me.” He winked.

“You were ready to beat up Darren for screaming at me,”

“Still debating on not doing that.”

“you googled how to take care of me in recovery, drove me to get another man’s fetus aborted, held my hair while I vomited, made me soup.” You scoffed. “Cleaned up my blood! I don’t even know the last time I had a man that didn’t cringe when I leaked through a tampon, let alone helped clean up! Of course I love you!” You shouted.

“Okay then!” He mimicked you.

“So, what now?”

“Now, you take those meds and drink some juice.” He said, looking at you like it was obvious.

“No. No, I mean with us?” You said, grabbing the pills and sipping your water.

“I don’t know. I’m leaving that at your feet, Honey.”

“Why do you always call me Honey? You’ve been doing that since I was a resident.” You cocked an eyebrow.

“You don’t remember? You were fixing up a wound and using an entire jar of Manuka honey on it, when I came in, you had it everywhere. I think that’s when I knew I was done for.” He smiled.

[roosterforme]

Explicitly Yours | Bob Floyd x Reader

Summary: When Bob met you, he fell for you hard and fast. He thought you might be his perfect match, the one that would make his days feel full instead of lonely. He never would have dreamed you had a secret. But secrets are known to be revealed at the most inconvenient of times, and Bob's surprised hesitation could cost him the thing he wants most.

Warnings: Smut, oral, fluff, angst, misogyny, language, mentions of adult film industry

Length: 11k words (what have I done?)

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Former Pornstar!Female Reader

This was written for International Bob Floyd Fucks Month hosted by @attapullman. Check my masterlist for more! Banner by @thedroneranger

Bob was fresh off of a long deployment when he returned to work at North Island on Monday morning to find he would begin training as part of a new taskforce. He was tired and antsy, still overstimulated from being around so many people on the aircraft carrier, but he was also realizing how lonely he was. 

He'd arrived back to a sterile, empty, dusty apartment, slept for two days, and now he was back to work. He couldn't even have a cat or a houseplant. He really would like to have a cat or a houseplant. Mostly he thought about how nice it would be to have a girlfriend. A sweet one who would wait for him to return home so his apartment didn't feel so sad. One who didn't mind that sometimes he preferred it to be quiet. One who would let him dote on her a little bit when he was home.

When he was told to report to Classroom Six in his uniform instead of the tarmac in his flight suit, Bob knew it was going to be a long day. That idea only grew as soon as he walked in and was accosted by his friends. "You're back!" Natasha screeched, streaking across the room like a brunette cannonball and slamming into his arms. "It's not even fair that we weren't deployed together. I missed you!"

"Missed you too, Nat. Thanks for all the emails."

Then he felt Bradley, Jake and Javy all jostling him around until his glasses were crooked on his face. That's probably why he did a double take when he saw you. There was no way you were that beautiful. His glasses must need to be adjusted on his face. But he was wrong. You looked the same after he pushed his wire frames back into place. 

He swallowed hard and whispered, "Who's that?"

The guys all looked at him with matching smirks, and Javy told him your name. "Civilian. She's Warlock's new assistant. Got reassigned from a different department last week."

"She's real cute," Jake added. "And she looks so familiar."

"Why does she look so familiar?" Bradley asked, and Bob realized that the whole group was staring at you where you were conversing quietly with Warlock. "We've been trying to figure it out for a week."

You didn't look familiar to Bob. You just looked pretty with bright eyes and a friendly smile, both of which were trained on him now. Of course you were looking his way now, because everyone had mussed up his hair and wrinkled his uniform. He didn't mind so much that you caught him staring, because you were the kind of woman who must get that a lot.

"Lieutenant Floyd," Admiral Bates said as he stood, and Bob saluted his superior officer immediately. "Welcome back."

"Sir," Bob replied, doing his best not to let his gaze drift back to you. "Thank you."

Then Warlock called the room to order, and Bob ended up sitting in the front row, directly across from you. Barely six feet away. You were so pretty, it wasn't even funny. The curve of your face and your neck and the way you moved were mesmerizing. Smooth and fluid. Confident. Beautiful. You kept Warlock on task and seemed to have all the pertinent information about the class memorized. But all of it was lost on Bob, because he was way too distracted. 

By lunchtime, he had sweat through his undershirt, and he was sure his uniform shirt wasn't looking much better. The way you turned to look directly at him with a slightly guarded expression when you stood made him blush. It must be obvious to you that Bob couldn't keep his eyes off your face.

"Hi," you greeted. "Lieutenant Floyd."

Bob swallowed hard before something that sounded vaguely like Hello came out of his mouth. 

Your smile was tinged with a little sadness as you stuck out your hand. "I've been looking forward to meeting the last team member. Welcome back from deployment, Lieutenant."

And then you were walking away, but Bob was still sweating.

--------------------------

For the next four days, Bob got there early to ensure he had that same front row seat. He had a full blown crush. Heart pounding, palms damp, unable to focus on anything other than his crush on you. When he wasn't at work looking right at you, he was daydreaming about you. When he wasn't daydreaming about you, he was asleep and having actual dreams where you were his girlfriend. In one of them, you gave him a back massage, and he woke up with an erection. 

He could barely even look at you for the nauseous feeling that took up residence just below his pounding heart, but he couldn't look anywhere else. He'd never been like this before. Sure, he'd been attracted to many women in the past, but this was something else entirely. 

"But why is she so familiar looking?" Jake asked Bradley at lunch. "You sure you didn't fuck her?"

"Oh, I think I'd remember fucking someone that looked like that," Bradley replied with a chuckle. "Wait... did you fuck her?"

"I don't think so?" Jake replied, looking a little panicked. "She's not the one I went home with on my birthday, is she? Because you know I can't remember that night. And if I fucked her and can't remember it, then I deserve to be executed."

They both erupted into laughter with Javy, and Bob felt deflated. One of the three of them was definitely going to ask you out sooner rather than later, and instead of getting an occasional guarded glance in his direction, Bob would have nothing.

That night at the bar, he sat with his cup of peanuts and talked with Nat about work while everyone else played pool. "I guess we have another week or two of lectures ahead of us, but I can't wait to get back in the air."

"Yeah," Bob replied, glancing around the room in case the Hard Deck was your Friday night scene. It wasn't really his, but he came for his friends. And if he got to spend another week or two in the classroom, he wasn't going to complain; there would be no way for him to look at you when he was in the cockpit. 

"Bob!" Javy called as if he'd been trying to get his attention for a few minutes. He was waving a pool cue. "Take over for me. I need to go shoot my shot."

As Bob stood, he watched Javy head off into the crowd toward a woman who looked like you. He did a double take, his heart leaping up into his throat as Bradley started to push him closer to the pool table. Javy saw you. He was going to ask you out. A feeling of devastation filled his lungs, but then the woman turned around, and it wasn't you. Her smile wasn't nearly as pretty, and she didn't have the same eyes. 

Relieved, Bob sank the seven ball before running the table like he was some sort of pro. But he knew deep inside that he was going to have to ask you out himself or miss out on even having a chance with you. 

Every day the following week, he tried to give himself a pep talk. He could do this. Even if you said no, it would be fine. It would be good practice for him. But he knew it would not be okay. He liked the sound of your voice and the way you moved, and he thought about you in every room of his apartment doing a wide variety of things. Some of them made him blush.

He couldn't tell if it would be worse to never even try or to have to live with himself after you looked at him and said you weren't interested. At least if he kept things quiet, the guys couldn't find a way to make fun of him. And although they all liked to talk about you at lunch, to his knowledge, none of them had asked you on a date. Maybe they were as intimidated as him.

On Wednesday, you dropped your pen, and Bob picked it up for you. He got a "Thanks, Lieutenant Floyd," in response along with a cautious smile. Then on Thursday, he helped you move the projector before class started, and you said, "Thanks. You're a lot stronger than I am." He felt like he floated to his seat after that. 

On Friday, disaster struck. You were organizing your stack of notes at the end of the day when Bob stood. But then Bradley was there, leaning on the table in front of you after everyone had been dismissed. "Hey, so the guys and I were wondering if you ever made it out to the Hard Deck on Friday nights? I'd love to buy you a drink."

Bob nearly collapsed back into his seat as he watched your eyes searching Bradley's face like you were trying to tell if he was lying. "No, actually. I play Dungeons & Dragons most Friday nights."

A strangled sound escaped Bob. "You play D&D?" he asked before he could think better of it. 

"Yeah," you replied easily, giving him a little smile. "Been into it for years."

"Me too," he added, and you set down everything you'd been holding. 

"It must be hard to be part of a campaign when you deploy on occasion?" you asked, and Bob was convinced he wouldn't notice if a freight train was about to hit him. 

He nodded and took a step closer, watching you stand up. "It can be, yeah. But I've been in the same campaign for a few years, so I'd like to think I'm an integral enough part of it that everyone else doesn't mind waiting for me."

You laughed. It was so pretty. "I'm sure they don't mind one bit, Lieutenant Floyd."

"You can call me Bob," he blurted out, eyes going wide as you licked your lips and grinned. 

"Okay. Bob."

He could do this. He was already part way there, he thought. Just a little further. "Maybe you and I could get coffee this weekend and talk about our characters?"

When he was met with silence and your softly parted lips, he wanted to disappear. But your expression was trained on his face, and even though you still seemed a little hesitant, you asked, "Like a date? Because I'm free on Sunday."

-------------------------

You were laughing so hard, you had to set your coffee cup down next to your scone, and Bob was basking in the sound of it. "No, Bob! That's why I made my character a Rogue! Because I could never be such a scoundrel in real life!" He just listened to your laughter taper off while he grinned in the middle of the crowded cafe where you only seemed to be focused on him. 

"Well, that's why I made mine a Sorcerer. I don't know if you knew this about me, but I can't actually cast spells."

You started to laugh again. "Could have fooled me." But he must have been looking at you for too long, because you brought your hand up to your lips and asked, "Do I have crumbs on my face or something?"

"No, your face is perfect," he replied without considering his words, but your look of slightly embarrassed delight outweighed the tinge of mortification he felt.

You searched his eyes, seemingly always trying to gauge his sincerity. Then you surprised him when you said, "You're really sweet. It's refreshing." 

Bob looked down at his hands, unsure how to respond but pleased nonetheless. "Will you let me take you to a movie? Or dinner? Or both?"

"Yes."

The following morning at work, you were as focused on Bob as he was on you. The sweaty palms and erratically beating heart were back, only exacerbated by your alluring gaze and the promise of a second date on Thursday night. You agreed to dinner at an Italian restaurant, and Bob was already excited. 

"Why are you acting so strange?" Nat asked at lunchtime. "You're like both weirdly quiet and also talking so much?"

Bob laughed and said, "I went out on a date yesterday." And when he said it was with you, her eyes went wide. "We're going out again on Thursday."

"Bob!" she gasped, and now all of the guys were looking at him, and there was no way he would ever recover from this as Nat told them he got coffee with you.

"Welcome to the big leagues, buddy," Jake drawled, while Bradley glared at him. "Just wish I could figure out why she seems so familiar. Like it's just stuck in the back of my mind somehow. Like I know her."

"None of you know her as well as Bob does," Nat said with a laugh that made him smile. Before you and he parted ways at the coffee shop, you'd squeezed his hand in your smaller one, and it was already one of the sexiest moments of his life.

"Fuck you, Bob," Bradley grumbled. 

But it didn't matter. Bob really liked you and the fact that you talked about your Dungeons & Dragons character for a full hour. And your pretty face and your laugh. And the way you seemed interested in what he had to say. You were checking off all of the boxes for him. Smart, funny, kind of nerdy, interesting. He wondered how many dates he should take you on before asking you to be his girlfriend.

On Wednesday, as soon as Warlock dismissed everyone, you handed Bob a folded up note.

I can't wait for dinner tomorrow night. Here's my number.

He waited until he was home and sitting on his couch before he texted you. Less than a minute later, you responded. And that's how he spent the rest of his night. He didn't even eat until after nine, too wrapped up in what you had to say. Those intrusive thoughts and daydreams and real dreams about you in his apartment were starting to seem like they could be a reality. That's what he wanted. He could already picture you on the couch, wrapped up in the afghan his mom made, watching a movie with him. Or in his kitchen, helping him make dinner. 

He fell asleep on the couch in his uniform, too absorbed in this conversation to even go to bed properly. But that was fine, because suddenly it was Thursday, and not only would he see you all day at work, he'd get to eat with you and learn more about you.

Once again, Bob slid into that front row seat, and you had to work at keeping the smile from your face all morning. When you did look his way, he felt his breath catch in his throat. He was sure he'd pass out if you kissed him, and suddenly that was the only thing he could think about. Warlock talked about aggressive maneuvering, and Bob thought about your lips. Warlock talked about safety protocols, and Bob thought about your lips touching his.

It would be a miracle if he made it through dinner, but he had to try. You stood and started walking out of the classroom at the end of the day, but you turned back and said, "I'll meet you there at 7:30."

Bob offered to pick you up, but you said you'd drive yourself, and now he had more than two hours to kill. He took a long shower and fixed his hair before dressing in the outfit that Nat had pre-approved for him. He made sure his glasses were straight and that he had his credit card. The only other thing he could do was hope the conversation would come as easily for him this time, as it had over coffee.

He shouldn't have been worried about that. What he should have been worried about was the way his heart stopped when you walked through the front doors of the restaurant and directly for him, wearing a pretty blue dress with your face all made up like he was someone to impress. 

"Hi, Bob," you whispered. Then you kissed his cheek at the same time that he started to turn his head, and his lips nudged yours. He stood there shocked as you slipped your hand into his, and you started to tug him toward the waiting table when his name was called. 

His ears didn't stop burning the whole night. His brain kept circling back to the idea of another kiss. An intentional one. A kiss after a second date was not something he'd ever attempted before, but he was going to do it tonight. Based on the way you were looking at him, he had to. 

"Do you want more wine?" you asked, holding up the bottle. 

"Yes, please," he replied, because that would definitely help his cause. 

You smiled as you poured him some. "You have lovely manners." When you set the bottle down, you added, "And really pretty eyes."

Bob counted to three and then said, "I know we didn't even eat dessert yet, but I really like you. And tomorrow is your D&D night, but maybe you'll let me take you to a movie on Saturday?"

After dinner, in the parking lot next to your car, Bob kissed you. Intentionally. The first tilt of his head was hesitant, and when his lips met yours, he started to get nervous and pull away. But you let your fingers tangle in his hair, and you chased him for another kiss. "Which movie are we seeing?" you asked as you rubbed your nose gently along his.

"You can pick," he replied before kissing you again. "I just want to be around you." And then his hands found the small of your back and you inched yourself closer until your chest was touching his and your knee was bumping his leg.

You were smiling when he finally pulled his face away from yours. "I'll text you my address and the movie I want to see."

Bob smiled, too. "And then I'll pick you up, and we can go to the theater."

This was probably the best week of his life. He watched you pull out of the parking lot, and you waved to him through your window after you blew him a kiss. He went home and thought about what he might be able to cook for date number four. Perhaps you'd want to do the movie on Saturday and then have dinner at his place on Sunday? He'd figure it out. Either way, he was excited for more. 

"A third date?" Nat asked on Friday when everyone was taking a break in the classroom. "Damn, Bob." 

He eyed you where you stood talking quietly with Warlock, and you glanced his way, a soft smile on your lips. "I really like her. She's different. In a good way. And she makes me feel comfortable."

Nat rubbed his back in slow circles. "Make sure you put your arm around her during the movie. She might be expecting it. But if she doesn't snuggle against you, then you should remove it."

He nodded and swallowed. "Right. I can do that. Is it too soon to invite her over to my apartment for dinner?"

"I don't think so," she replied softly. "And maybe you should buy some condoms."

Bob's cheeks immediately flushed, but he didn't mind too much, since it was just Nat. "I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"She seems sweet. Just tell her what you're feeling when the time comes."

Now everything was making Bob a little nervous as he drove through your neighborhood on Saturday night. He passed modern beachfront house after modern beachfront house, and then his GPS told him he had arrived. He saw your car in the driveway, but the house was gorgeous and must be worth a ton of money. Maybe you had a roommate? 

He parked his old truck and headed up the sidewalk with butterflies in his stomach and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. You opened the door before he even knocked, and then you were in his arms and invading his senses. "Are those for me?" you asked, kissing his cheek and poking the flowers. 

"Yes," he whispered, silently begging you to let him hold you for a few more seconds while he caught his breath and got himself under control. You turned him on in every way, and he'd never encountered this before. 

Your soft voice next to his ear as you chuckled and said, "Thanks, Bob," was not helping. You led him inside, and your house was incredible. There were no signs of a roommate, but there was a view of the ocean from the windows along the back of the house. He watched you bend in your little dress to find a vase for the flowers, and he felt completely overwhelmed. 

"Ready to go?" you asked, reaching for his hand a minute later. Your eyes were eager and sincere as you gazed up at him. Your fingers were laced with his, and Bob realized if he wanted to get to the next step with you, he needed to get through tonight.

"Yes." He kissed your lips softly, and you leaned against his arm as he walked you out to his truck. 

You spent the drive to the movie theater telling him all about your Friday night playing Dungeons & Dragons, and of course Bob felt more relaxed. He bought the tickets, and you got the popcorn, and when he put his arm around your shoulders, you snuggled against him, so he kept it there. By the end of the movie, the empty popcorn bucket was on the floor, and you had your palm resting on his thigh. 

"Did you like it?" you asked softly while the end credits scrolled. 

"Yes, I liked it," he promised, accepting another of your kisses.

"It's still early. Want to grab a drink somewhere?"

Bob really only knew one place, because he spent an awful lot of his free time there. "Should we hit up the Hard Deck? And then I can take you home and hopefully get another goodnight kiss?"

You had one eyebrow raised as you considered him. "Even after the third date? You're not going to try to make a move?"

Embarrassment flooded his cheeks as he muttered, "Not yet." And then your lips were all over his like he'd answered your questions correctly, even though he felt like his thoughts on the matter were actually probably wrong according to most people.

Eventually the two of you made your way to the bar, but visiting the Hard Deck was a mistake that he didn't see coming. You were tucked perfectly against his side as Bob walked across the parking lot and listened to you tell him how much you liked working for Admiral Bates. Then you ordered two vodka sodas, and Bob had to pluck your credit card from your hand to keep you from paying for them. 

"Hey!" you complained, but he just smiled. 

"I'll give it back later." He was rewarded with another kiss on the cheek, this one very close to his lips. 

"Well, look who's here," Jake drawled obnoxiously over the music from the jukebox and the noise from the crowd. "Bob and his friend."

You rolled your eyes and laughed, but you kept one hand linked with his as the drinks were set down. "Should we say hi to your friends?" you asked, and Bob nodded even though he really wanted to just find a small table on the other side of the room. But Nat looked excited, and the other guys looked annoyed, so Bob thought a short detour might be fun.

"Hey," Bob greeted everyone as you sipped your drink. 

"How was the movie?" Nat asked, elbowing Bradley in the side before he could say anything.

"Pretty good," you replied. "You know, for one of those Academy Award bait films." 

Bob laughed and looked at you. "I liked it a lot, actually." Or maybe he just liked sitting with his arm around you for two hours at a time, but he wasn't going to say that in front of everyone else.

Javy tapped a pool cue on the ground and asked, "Do you like to see a lot of movies?"

You nodded with a bit of an apprehensive look on your face that had Bob just about ready to pull you over to the table that another couple was vacating. "Yeah... I like films," you replied softly. 

And then Jake's jaw dropped open and he slapped the edge of the pool table. "Oh my god!" His green eyes were wide as he looked you up and down from head to toe with a smirk that made Bob want to stand in front of you. "That's why you look so familiar! You're Roxy Luxxe."

"Oh, fuck," Javy said as he dropped the pool cue on Nat's foot, and Bradley choked on his beer. 

But Bob just stood there and watched your posture stiffen and the look of apprehension on your face grow. "Who?" he asked softly, but you wouldn't meet his eyes.

"She's a porn star, Bob!" Jake said a little too loudly as he hooted. "A very memorable one, too. Played up different movie genres. Everyone I Did Last Summer. Sisterhood of the Traveling Sluts. Laid in Manhattan. Some real classics!"

"I retired," you said firmly, holding eye contact with Jake even though your voice sounded strained. "I left the industry five years ago."

"Guys," Nat said with a warning tone as she looked at Bob who was frozen in place, his head swarming with wild thoughts. An adult film star? You? But you worked at Top Gun and played D&D and liked scones. You went on three dates with Bob of all people.

Now Nat was physically moving Javy, Bradley and Jake back toward the game of pool, snapping her fingers at them as they continued to ogle you in your pretty dress. "So..." you whispered, turning toward Bob, looking anywhere but at his face. "That was... yeah..."

He had no idea what to say right now, and the longer he went without saying anything, the worse he felt inside. You used to have a job making adult films? Bob couldn't even handle watching those without blushing and stuttering. You must have had sex with dozens and dozens of different men and probably women too, and Bob suddenly realized he could go home and watch them for himself if he really wanted.

"Right," you said, finally looking at him as your eyes started to fill with tears. "Well... no hard feelings, Bob. I'll see you at work on Monday." Then you set your drink down, covered your mouth with one hand and made a beeline for the door.

Bob looked at the drink in his hand, and then at the one you set down. He left his on the table next to yours and followed you out to the parking lot. He looked around, calling your name and checking to see if you were by his truck, but you didn't respond. You were gone. 

Roxy Luxxe. That name was made up, and he didn't think it suited you as well as your real name. That one was perfect, and he liked it. He liked you. He could drive back to your house, but if you didn't want to talk to him, then what was the point? He'd already embarrassed himself by clamming up. But even worse, he thought he might have embarrassed you. 

"Damn it," he muttered, angry at Jake and all of them for making you feel small, and angry at himself, too. He got in his truck and drove himself home.

----------------------------

Well. You got three perfect dates before it all blew up in your face. Three amazing dates with Bob who was going to look at you like you were no longer worthy of his time now. Sure, you would have told him eventually. After another date or two, you would have brought it up in such a way that perhaps could have been a little bit more flattering or at least slightly tasteful. But of course you should have been expecting this. It wasn't the first time. Getting older only did so much for your face, and it didn't matter how much you changed your hair and makeup: Once Roxy Luxxe, always Roxy Luxxe.

You really thought none of them recognized you. It was almost refreshing that Bob had never heard of your alter ego. He probably never saw a single video of you having sex with Sam Slick or Dickie Divine. He didn't know exactly what your tits looked like, because you'd never taken your shirt off for him in person. He didn't know how you sounded when you faked an orgasm. As you ran down the block and got an Uber, you could hear Bob calling for you.

You weren't ashamed or embarrassed. You were not. This was your life, and you made every decision along the way for yourself. Nobody else. You put yourself through school. You bought the house of your dreams. You had an amazing job at Top Gun now for fuck's sake. But Bob was the first guy you met in a long time who made you think you could have a relationship with someone who wouldn't judge you for your past.

You walked from your Uber into your house and kicked your shoes across the entryway. More tears were filling your eyes, but you didn't want to cry again. Not over this. "But he was sweet," you whispered to your reflection in the hall mirror. His friends were kind of assholes, but he wasn't. Even if he didn't want to be with you now, which was understandable, those three dates were something else. Dungeons & Dragons discussions and coffee and pasta. 

You sighed wistfully at the flowers in your kitchen. Maybe a few more years and you'd look even less like Roxy Luxxe. That might make things easier to navigate. You made yourself a cup of tea and grabbed some crackers and sat out on your back deck where the moonlight reflected off of the ocean. The way Bob had wrapped his arm around you during the movie made it easy to imagine him here with you, keeping you warm. Instead you grabbed a blanket and snuggled in as you thought about how he would have been an excellent boyfriend. 

"You win some, you lose some," you told the night sky. If he was bothered by your past which you had designed so you could have a future, then he wasn't the one for you. You fell asleep outside in your dress, and the rising sun eventually woke you up. When you stretched and stood, the chilly air sent you running inside and toward your shower. 

The memories of last night were hanging out in the periphery of your mind. Going to work tomorrow was going to be awful. If you didn't like Admiral Bates so much, you'd request to work under someone else. But then again, why should you have to go to work feeling bad? Yeah, it was going to sting to see Bob, but it was still your job, and you deserved to be happy. 

You showered and took your time until all of your skin felt fresh and new, and then you threw on some oversized sweats after you moisturized. After breakfast, you could see if one of your friends from D&D was free to hang out. You were finally just about to check your phone to see if Bob had attempted to reach you when you heard a knock at your door. 

Bob's truck was parked in your driveway just behind your car. You could see it through the front window. According to your phone, he tried to call you twice, and he'd send you a handful of texts. But now he was here and knocking again. It was obvious you were home, so you wrenched your front door open and stood before him with your chin held high.

"What do you need?" you asked, already feeling weak at the sight of his pretty blue eyes and his glasses. 

"Hi," he said softly, just staring at you. He looked exhausted, like maybe he hadn't slept. Then he fumbled around in his jeans pocket and pulled out your credit card. "This is yours."

You plucked it from his hand and started to close the door. "Thanks for returning it. I'll see you at work."

Then he said your name. Your real name. "Wait. Please?"

You pressed your lips together. "What do you want, Bob?" 

The soft rise and fall of his solid chest held your attention while he started stuttering. "L-Look. I'm really sorry about last night."

You nodded. "Me too." It wasn't like you wanted to know, but you couldn't stop yourself from asking, "I take it you went home and looked up my videos?"

His eyes went wide as you crossed your arms over your chest. "I didn't."

You actually believed him, but you felt like making yourself hurt anyway. "Your friends have all seen me naked. Watched me getting fucked."

He seemed surprisingly calm as he half shrugged and kind of nodded. "So what?"

As you shifted your weight from one foot to the other, you said, "I'm not ashamed of anything I've ever done, okay? And I would have told you about it after another date or two... before we slept together." When he remained silent you added, "I started out in the adult film industry when I was eighteen. I quit when I was twenty five. I just turned thirty last month, and I guess I was silly for thinking enough time had passed. But last night was a prime example of why I haven't even tried to date anyone. Ever, really."

Bob was gaping at you now. "Not ever? But you're... you're so..."

"I know," you said, cutting him off before he could finish. "I'm hot enough to do porn, but nobody wants to date me." 

You started to close the door again, but he scrambled. "N-No, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say you're flawless. A-And I shouldn't have let you leave the bar like that last night."

Your fingers loosened on the door, and soon it was drifting away from you, opening wider for Bob as he stood there with an eager expression. God, you just really liked him. And he seemed like he was being sincere. "What would you have done differently last night?" you whispered. 

He started to reach for you before tucking his fingers in his jeans pocket. "I would have taken your hand in mine as soon as I saw tears in your eyes." You bit your lips as he added, "And I would have told you that I like you so much. And if you wanted to leave, then I would have driven you home right away and walked you to your door."

He liked you so much. If there was a chance that Bob could be the kind of guy who still liked you with your past as Roxy Luxxe but also wasn't just trying to get in your pants and meet her for himself, then you wanted to give him a shot. "What would you have done after you walked me to my door?"

He was breathing deeper like he was nervous, and you wanted to touch him. "I would have asked you for that goodnight kiss that I'd been hoping for all day."

You were rushing for his arms, clearly surprising him in the process, but he held onto you as you gave him just the softest kiss. "I would have let you have it." Bob's hands found their way to the most respectful spot on your back, and you kissed him a little deeper. 

As soon as you broke the kiss, his fingers flexed against your back, and he said, "I want to go on another date with you. A bunch more. But I want you to be sure about me. I don't really care about Roxy Luxxe. I'm sure she was lovely, but I like you." You laughed. You couldn't help it. And he smiled as he asked, "Maybe you can think about it today and let me know at work tomorrow?"

"Okay."

He nodded and let out the breath he was holding. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

Your back felt cold where his hands used to be as you watched him walk back to his truck. He waved to you as he pulled out of your driveway, and you waved back with a different feeling in your heart than you had twenty minutes ago.

---------------------------

Bob was disappointed to find he would be in the air on Monday. When he arrived on base, he changed into his flight suit instead of his khaki uniform, wondering what that would mean when it came to seeing you. He'd slept poorly, wondering what your answer would be, hoping you'd say yes to another date.

"Hey, Bob," Jake drawled as Bob zipped up his flight suit. "How was your night with Roxy Luxxe?" He had a devilish smirk on his face, and Bob's skin was crawling. All of the other guys were looking at him now, and he knew his face was beet red. 

"I guess she was as good as she looks on film if she rendered you speechless," Jake added with a laugh. 

"Whoa, no," Javy said, shaking his head at Jake before looking at Bob. "Cut it out, man."

Bob counted to five, took a deep breath and then raised his forearm, and at least Jake had the decency to look panicked. Bradley stepped into the fray as Bob used his arm on Jake's chest to push him back against the lockers. Sure, Jake was more muscular, but Bob was no slouch, and he had a couple inches on him. "Don't call her that again. Don't even talk about her. While you're at it, don't look at her either."

Jake raised one eyebrow and nodded slightly, and Bob released him, walking right out of the locker room and making a quick detour to the classroom. But you weren't there. He ran his hands through his hair before he headed outside to find Nat. 

"Hey, there you are," she said gently. "You okay? After the bar and everything?"

"I'm fine," he replied, still looking around. "Have you seen her?"

"Mmhmm," she hummed, pointing behind Bob, and he whirled around in time to see you walk out of the tower with Warlock and Cyclone. You looked as pretty as you always did, and Bob found himself wanting you the same way today as he had last week. All of the daydreams about making breakfast together after holding you in his arms all night were still there. So were the thoughts about you snuggled up, laughing on his couch. But now he could also imagine taking walks on the beach where you lived.

Your gaze met his, and he watched you excuse yourself from the admirals before heading his way. Nat squeezed his bicep, and muttered good luck before making herself scarce, and then Bob was standing there with you a respectable three feet in front of him. 

"Lieutenant Floyd."

He smiled softly. "Good morning."

"So..." you began, looking down at his boots and pressing your lips together. "I'm free on Wednesday night. Or pretty much all day Saturday." Your eyes trailed up his body until you were nervously examining his face. "What did you have in mind for our fourth date?"

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He'd been so apprehensive, afraid you were going to tell him to beat it, he hadn't bothered to come up with an actual date idea. "Cooking dinner at my place?" he blurted out.

You nodded like that sounded good to you. "Wednesday night then?"

He couldn't remember if he already had plans, but if he did, he'd cancel them immediately. "Yes. Wednesday. The day after tomorrow. Wednesday."

Your soft laughter filled him up as you turned and started to walk away, giving him just one word. "Wednesday."

--------------------------

You showed up to Bob's place with just a bottle of wine. He promised to take care of the rest. An hour later, a completely homemade pizza with fresh mozzarella and herbs was baking in the oven, and you had your arms draped around his neck. His lips tasted like the pinot noir the two of you had started drinking while you made the pizza, and his body felt strong and sure. As of right now, you thought you'd made the right choice by coming here.

"I really like you," he whispered for the third time this evening, and you believed him. You liked yourself. Why shouldn't he? 

"I like you, too, Bob." You reached up and adjusted his glasses before letting your fingers trail back through his hair. As his hands slid slowly down to your hips, it was easy to imagine how he might be in bed. Authentic. Meticulous. Earnest. Just like he was at work. The thought thrilled you to no end, but you were also afraid of the way you'd feel afterwards if you rushed it just to get the first one out of your system. So you let him hold you like you were important. 

The timer buzzed, and Bob laughed as you jumped further into his arms. You buried your face against his neck. "It's not funny." But you were laughing, too, and his lips met your hair. "Okay, it's kind of funny."

His stomach was growling, so you slowly pulled yourself free of his arms so he could put on his oven mitts. "Looks good," he remarked, but your gaze was fixed on him. "What do you think, Honey?" 

Bob's eyes went wide as he set the tray down, like he couldn't believe what he'd said. Your heart was absolutely thundering in your chest. "Looks good," you whispered in agreement. You hadn't looked at it. You were sure it was fine. You'd eat anything anyway. But he called you Honey, and you didn't mind it one bit.

You shared the pizza side by side on his couch along with the rest of the bottle of wine, and Bob listened to you tell him about your friends you meet up with on Fridays. And then he told you about his deployment as he finished the last few drops of wine. 

"I never really talk about this with anyone but Nat. This is nice," he said softly.

"Is it lonely?" you asked, your voice barely a whisper as he set down his glass and looked at you. 

You didn't want to rush him, because you could tell what he was going to say was important. And it was. His voice was a little rough as he looked at you and said, "Somehow it's lonelier when I come home. It's worse than being on an aircraft carrier in that I can't really have anything for myself here. There's nothing waiting for me. And a lot of the time, I feel like it would be too much to ask someone to do that. To wait for me. It would be a lot for someone to accept."

When you crawled onto his lap, he didn't stop you. And when you tilted his face up to make him look at you, his cheeks flushed pink, but his hands found your hips again. "I understand exactly how you feel." 

Then you kissed him, and you didn't stop for probably hours or maybe days. It felt that good. When you ended up beneath his warm body, you were so happy he came to your house on Sunday morning with your credit card. "Bob," you whimpered, and that seemed to bring him back from wherever his head was while he kissed his way down your neck and along your chest. His hair was a mess from your fingers, and his lips were a little puffy from the kisses, and you were pretty sure he wouldn't let you down again even if his friends were idiots.

You'd broken the spell, but he didn't seem to mind as he stood and pulled you to your feet. "It's getting late. We have work in the morning. Let me walk you to your car?"

At this rate, you were afraid you'd let him do anything he wanted, because he held your hand the whole way there. And he kissed you just right and told you he'd love to spend part of Saturday with you.

"Come over," you told him, and he promised he would.

----------------------------

It was chilly as Bob watched the sunset over the ocean from your back deck, but his body was warm from the combination of having you and your fleece blanket wrapped around him. You fit perfectly in his arms. Frankly, you seemed to fit pretty perfectly in his life. He wouldn't mind spending all of his Saturdays like this, listening to your gaming recap from the night before while you occasionally kissed the side of his neck. Your fingers were laced with his, and when you asked if he wanted to share a bottle of wine you got when you were in Napa Valley, he responded with a different question. 

"Is there any chance you'd want to be my girlfriend?" You shivered in his arms, so he wrapped you up a little tighter. "I can't stop thinking about you being the one waiting for me to get home from a deployment."

You didn't speak right away which made him apprehensive. He'd somehow been the one to push things too fast. This was something he'd never managed to do before. You tightened your grip on his hand as you said, "Bob... people are going to recognize me. It's going to happen sometimes, no matter what I try to do about it, and I-"

He cut you off with a kiss. "I don't care about that, Honey." Then more kisses. The bottle of wine in your kitchen was left forgotten as you carefully slipped one leg over Bob's lap and sat straddling him. You kept the blanket wrapped snug around both of you, your body nestled against his as your foreheads met. "I just really like you."

The sun had disappeared below the horizon. Everything was pink and purple and dusky and dreamy as your cheek nudged his glasses making him smile. "If you think you can handle being my boyfriend, then I'm not going to try to stop you."

Heart pounding, he asked, "So is that a yes?"

"Yes." Your kisses were slow and soft, and Bob kept chasing the smile on your lips, because he couldn't get enough. With his eyes closed, all he could hear was the ocean below and the soft sounds you made. All he could feel was your body everywhere. You smelled familiar. You tasted good. 

As you ran your fingers through his hair, your other hand trailed down to his shoulder, along his bicep and then across his chest. When Bob dared to let his hands dip from your waist to your hips and butt, you scooted a little bit closer. He realized when your fingers skimmed his abs that he had an erection. 

Embarrassed, he tried to break the kiss and move his hands, but as soon as he started to move, you pulled away first. In the dying light, he could see your wide eyes and the alluring rise and fall of your chest. Part of your lace bra strap was showing, and your nipples were obviously hard. His cock throbbed in his jeans as you asked, "Do you want to stop?"

He knew you could read the desire on his face. When he started to shake his head, you rubbed yourself against his jeans where he was hard for you. "No," he grunted, head tipping back as he panted. "I don't want to stop."

"Good," you whispered next to his ear, lips barely grazing him. "Neither do I." You took his hands in both of yours and brought them back up to your body, encouraging him to touch every curve.

He gasped your name as he watched you slowly rolling your hips against him, seemingly in no hurry as you bit your lip. When he reached for the hem of your shirt, you didn't stop him, and he tossed it aside. Your body looked magical in the twilight, and as he reached for your bra clasp, realization hit him. 

You were used to a certain caliber of partner for these kinds of activities. Standards he probably couldn't meet. "You're hesitating again," you whispered, voice breaking a little bit on the last word. "If you don't think you want to do this with me, I completely understand, Bob."

It was getting difficult to read your expression in the darkness, but when you stopped touching him and pulled your arms to your sides, he started to panic. "It's not that," he promised. "But you've been with... p-professionals. Guys who know what they're... doing." He ran his hands through his own hair. "And I'm not the most experienced. I've only had two partners."

"Oh, Bob," you moaned, and his cock ached at the sound. He wanted you. His whole body was screaming for it, and then he watched as you unhooked your own bra and let it slide down your arms and fall from your fingers. Your body was flawless, back arched, every curve designed to make him crazy. He made a sound somewhere between a groan and a whine as you leaned in closer and kissed him. "You'll be so much better."

Your bare skin was everywhere as the blanket slipped from around you. Bob's hands splayed across your back to keep you warm, but the supple feel of you had him thrusting against your core as he gingerly ran his thumb along the side of your breast. "So much better!" you whispered before pulling his bottom lip between yours.

He was still a little nervous, throbbing against you in his pants like a teenager as he cupped your breast in his rough palm. When you trailed your lips down his neck, he said, "I just want to be good enough for you."

Bob was thankful it was dark and you couldn't see him blushing as you nipped his earlobe and giggled. "Bob. You're better, because you're real. And you're turning me on, because we're not faking anything." You moved your right hand down between your bodies and squeezed his cock through his jeans as you sucked on his neck. "There's nothing fake about this."

He was gasping as he reached for your hand. "Honey." He couldn't take too much more teasing, or at this rate, he'd finish before his pants were off. "Can we go inside?"

You were off his lap and reaching for him with both hands, pulling him to his feet and closer to you. "My bedroom sound good?"

"Yes." 

It was honestly difficult to walk. You led him through the sliding glass door and inside where the soft lighting somehow made your topless body look even more stunning. You brought him down the short hallway to your room, walking backwards and looking up at him with a smirk as you unzipped his jeans. He made another unintelligible noise as he watched the way your breasts swayed and bounced with each movement. 

Your bedside lamp provided the only light, and Bob was still looking around, trying to get his bearings, when you pulled his shirt and undershirt off. "Oh," you gasped, running your palms up his flat stomach to his slightly broader chest. "God." He couldn't fathom that you liked what you saw and felt enough to leave you panting his name, but you definitely were. Then your hand was down the front of his unzipped jeans, and he grinned as you tried your best to wrap your hand around his length, your eyes growing wide. "Bob."

And now he wasn't really nervous, because this actually felt really easy and good with you. You were giving him all the queues that you wanted more. You were kissing him as you stumbled to the bed. You were trying your best to get your hand around his cock, but you couldn't. He picked you up and hauled you up to the pillows, and you squealed. All he could see was your beautiful smile as you kissed him over and over, only pulling away to run your nose along his cheek and whisper his name. 

He watched you shimmy out of your yoga pants and underwear and push them aside, and it was no wonder you were able to make a career out of using your body the way you did. But if most of that was just acting, then he wasn't going to let you down now. He watched as your head tipped back, and you pressed yourself up against his hands when he gently squeezed your breasts. Mesmerized by all of this, he let his hands drift down over your ribs and along your sides until he was met by your hips.

Bob worked his hands slowly back up your body and down again, pausing to press his lips to your breasts as you arched for him again. You felt soft, and you were sensitive, running your bare foot up and down his leg as you whimpered. When he squeezed your hips again, he let his gaze fall below your belly button.

His voice was soft and deep as he asked, "Is it okay if I taste you, Honey?"

You instantly spread your legs a little wider, grabbed him by his hair, and said, "Please."

---------------------------

Bob's hands were huge, with thick veins and graceful, calloused fingers. All he was doing was touching you and kissing you, and you were very fucking worked up. This was already a treat, just being with a guy who wasn't grabbing at you and trying to shove his cock in your mouth. But it was more than that. It was the soft tone he used when he said your name and the way he was looking at you. 

Gentle but strong. That was how you'd describe your newly minted boyfriend. You smiled at him as he stroked his fingers down your sides. You hadn't had a boyfriend in years, and Bob was so sweet and handsome, it was absolutely outrageous. 

"Is it okay if I taste you?"

All of that and he wanted to go down on you? "Please." Your voice was needy, and your body was so ready for him. You eased your thighs further apart so he could see all of you, and you let your fingers tangle in his soft hair. You were so excited, and when the wire rim of his glasses brushed the inside of your thigh, you shivered with pleasure. 

Then his lips met your pussy, and you almost went through the fucking ceiling. Those big hands were at your waist, holding you in place on the bed as he licked up along your slit, slowly tasting every inch before he hummed softly. You wanted to watch, but you could barely lift your head off of the pillow as he licked up again and again before kissing your clit. 

When you managed to prop yourself up on one elbow, you got a great view of his big cock hanging out of his unzipped jeans when he lifted his head away from your body. "Does it feel good?" he asked, and you laughed. He pulled away from you further, concern on his face as you started to reach for him.

Your nails scraped along the day's worth of stubble on his cheek as you sat up and kissed him, tasting yourself. You licked at his lips and chin, cleaning up the wetness before you whispered. "It feels better than good."

A few seconds later, you were on your back again, legs over his shoulders as he ate your pussy with fervor. All of your nerve endings were singing his praises. He had you spread with his rough thumbs, and when he looked up at you, even his nose was wet. Your hands were fisted at your sides while you gently rolled your hips against his mouth and whined at the perfect feel of him. "Shit. Fuck," you gasped. He sucked on you with just the right amount of pressure, and your toes were literally starting to curl. "Bob!" 

All you got in response was another hum of pleasure that made you squeal followed by some seriously lewd, wet sounds. His broad shoulders pushed against the backs of your thighs, and you felt him teasing at your opening with the tip of one finger. Tongue circling your clit, he glanced up at you over his crooked glasses. His cheeks were pink, and there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead as you reached for his hair again. "I want you to fuck me."

"Okay," he agreed, nodding his head like he hadn't brought you close with his mouth. He looked a little dazed and pussy drunk, and you thought you could fall in love with that expression on his handsome face. 

"Come here," you whispered, kneeling so you could kiss him. "You taste like me," you added, licking his cheek and chin. "And I love it."

"Honey," he growled, and when you looked down, you could tell he was aching. You pushed him onto his butt and helped him the rest of the way out of his jeans and snug briefs, his thick cock bouncing for you. Then you looked at him there in just his socks and glasses, and your entire body clenched with a need you'd never known before. 

You took his cock in both hands, leaned down and kissed away all of his precum while every muscle in his abs and both legs tensed up. "Holy shit," he gasped. When you tugged on his shoulders, he moved with you, covering your body with his own. His weight and warmth against your bare skin felt essential to your happiness, and when you kissed him, he said, "And you taste like me." 

His cheeks flushed a pretty pink as you ran your tongue along his lips. You couldn't get enough. He shifted his body slightly, and his cock came to rest on your slick clit, making you moan into his mouth. You arched away from him, moving your hips back and forth a few inches at a time, using his body to bring yourself pleasure as you clung to his arms. "God, Bob. You haven't even been inside me yet, and I'm a mess." 

The veins in his neck and forehead were more prominent as he panted, a bead of his sweat rolling down to the tip of his nose. You licked it away as you shifted your hips so he was positioned at your entrance. He was thick, and even though you were soaking wet now, you had to use one hand to help guide him. You shook your head from side to side, your body taking him slowly. He buried his forehead to your neck, and the bite of his glasses against your collar bone kept you grounded. 

"Honey," he moaned, clutching at your hips as he finally, finally bottomed out. You were completely full, already clenching around him softly and enjoying the rough feel of his trimmed hairs against your clit. He thrusted a few times like he couldn't help himself, and you kissed his forehead. "Am I hurting you?"

His neck was a little slick against your fingertips. You'd been fucked too rough or without enough lubrication to the point of it being painful several times before, but this was the exact opposite. "Bob, you feel incredible." He lifted his head and kissed your lips, rewarding you with another thrust. Your legs tangled with his as you pushed his hair back from his forehead and kissed him harder. 

His lips found their way to your neck and breasts, and his thrusts started coming quicker, but every smooth movement left you gripping at him, your body begging for more as you whimpered and whined. He murmured your name against your skin, sucking on your nipples until you were seeing stars. And each thrust filled you somehow better than the last. And every movement left you grinding your clit up for more. 

You were going to come. You were going to come so hard. You could feel it. The buildup was delicious. Lips and stubble and glasses on your breasts. Hands on your hips. Bob everywhere.

"I'm not wearing a condom. Honey," he panted. "I'm not wearing a condom."

"It's okay," you whined loudly, suddenly gasping and clawing at his shoulders for leverage. "You can come wherever you want."

He chose inside you. And you came, hard and long and loud, hands on his face while you kissed him. You knew he was going to be so much better. You called it from the start. From when he surprised you by asking you out for coffee. He was immediately better than anything else you anticipated for yourself, and even when he fumbled, he recovered. You ran your lips along his cheek and back to his ear and whispered, "You're so much better than faking it."

He rolled both of you onto your sides, facing each other while he was still deep inside you. "Please don't ever do that. Fake it," he said, voice deep and raspy as he ran his rough palm along your cheek. "I want to know I'm good enough for my girlfriend." 

You smiled and tucked your head under his chin, and he wrapped his arm around you. His skin was warm beneath your lips, and his words were soft and gentle. When he climbed out of bed, he asked where he could find a washcloth, and he came back with it a minute later, ready to help you get cleaned up. He even held your robe out for you and waited while you used the bathroom, but you did that quickly, finding you wanted to be right next to him as much as possible.

Bob looked delicious in his briefs and undershirt, and you wrapped your arms around his waist as you asked, "Do you want to go back out under the blanket? With the bottle of wine? We could look at the stars. Listen to the ocean before bed."

He kissed your forehead. "As long as I'm with you."

-------------------------

Six months later...

After eight weeks away, Bob was excited to get home. He really hoped this was the start of his deployments feeling lonelier than the time between them did. Especially since he was going home to you and the house where he moved all of his stuff as soon as you asked him to live with you. He couldn't wait to hold you all night and hear all about your Dungeons & Dragons campaign and ask how you'd been enjoying work.

As soon as the aircraft carrier started docking in San Diego, he was at one of the lower railings along with the other aviators, and he spotted you immediately. You were bouncing around at the front of the crowd shouting his name and waving like a lunatic, and he had missed you so much. "Hey, Honey!" he shouted, and you just jumped higher. 

"Damn, Floyd. That's your girl?" asked one of the guys he'd flown with.

"Yeah," he replied, never taking his eyes off you. "That's my girl."

Six and a half minutes later, he was practically running down the long ramp with his duffle on one shoulder to the spot where you were waiting for him. 

"Bob!" you screeched as he scooped you up in your tiny dress and kissed you until you were as breathless as he was. "I missed you. I love you so much, and I missed you."

"I want to go home, Honey," he said, kissing you again. "Take me home."

"Gladly," you gushed, grabbing his hand and leading him toward his own truck. "I have big plans for your big cock," you announced to everyone around you, and Bob felt his cheeks warm up. "Well, and the rest of you, too. We can make a pizza together and eat out on the deck."

"Anything you want," he promised, tossing his bag in the truck bed and pushing you against the door. "And I love you, too." 

You only let him kiss you for a few seconds, before you were pushing him away. "I know you do. Let's go home." You held his hand on the short ride, and when he pulled in the driveway, you yanked him right out and led him inside the house. 

This felt incredible, knowing you wanted him as badly as he wanted you, running hand in hand to the bedroom. Then you stopped short and turned to face him as he bumped into you with a laugh. "You know how you're kind of your alter ego right now when you're in your uniform? Lieutenant Floyd?"

"Yeah?" he whispered, leaning down to kiss you, but your lips curled into a smile as you backed away.

"Well... I thought you might like to meet my alter ego?" you asked softly, easing that little dress up to your hips and along your torso before pulling it over your head. You were standing there in the tiniest black thong and bra set known to mankind. "Do you want to meet Roxy Luxxe?"

Bob just nodded and reached down to palm himself through his khaki pants as he gaped at you and grunted, "Uh huh." If Roxy was just a playful extension of his girlfriend, then yes, he wanted to meet her. 

You bit your lip and coaxed him toward the bed, running your hands down your body to your hips where you played with your underwear. "Good. Because she wants to meet you, too. And she wants you to know she's only going to be available exclusively for Bob Floyd's enjoyment."

---------------------------

Thanks for reading this long one-shot! I wanted Bob to get to fuck a former pornstar, because nobody deserves such a treat the way Bob does! But then I got attached to them and had to make it special. Bob and the artist formerly known as Roxy Luxxe are adorable together. Thanks to @mak-32 @beyondthesefourwalls @thedroneranger and @sylviebell for your help!

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[sunshine-jesse]

The Painful Realities of Andy and Leyley

Decay gave me a lot to chew on. While there was very little that caught me by surprise, per se (insofar as there’s a difference between shock and surprise), I didn't expect Nemlei to Go There with regards to some of the themes she covered in the newest update. I had a hunch, sure, but it was so (seemingly) out of place compared to the tone of the rest of the game that I didn't explore it as well as I could've. Most writers who cover the things Decay did don't play it dreadfully straight or treat it with so much respect. And even when they do, it often comes off as fetishized, which isn't bad per se, but so little of the rest of the game came off as The Author's Poorly Disguised Fetish that it was hard to take the prospect as seriously as I could've.

Effectively, Nemlei outplayed my media analysis skills by being an even better writer than I anticipated.

And so, I will respond in turn.

...or at least, I can try to.

I don't think I can type an analysis that is purely analytical anymore. Episode 3 hit me so much harder than anything that came before it that it's very difficult to write what I do with any sense of detachment. I can't pretend it didn't get personal. I love these characters. I love this story. I love the themes it covers. And I relate to many of them.

That's why seeing TCAL playing everything so dreadfully straight hurt so much.

(This essay is going to be somewhat narrativized to reflect my playing experience of Decay. This is a writing exercise as much as it is character analysis. But I also didn't have the patience to proofread this, so please be gentle.)

Part 1: The Games We Play With Ourselves

My first route was the Cliffhanger route. I want to pretend that I picked it because I knew it’d be the best outcome due to my unparalleled (insert ashley smug face here) understanding of the characters but I actually wasn’t expecting that one moment to be the big decision that caused the paths to diverge. It was just the only save file I had for Decay because it was the most hopeful outcome to me at the time. Because of that, when playing through Decay, everything felt so… business as usual. Things didn’t even feel as tense as they did in episode 2 when the paths diverged. This is, as a matter of fact, how I reacted for most of my first playthrough of the game. I didn’t see it as weird. It made sense. Nobody was really wrong here or making particularly bad decisions.

The only thing that caught me by surprise for the first half of it was when Andrew slapped Ashley, but I didn’t even feel like it was that shocking of a moment. Ashley has a chronic problem with taking things seriously, so I don’t think Andrew showing her what it means to take a threat of violence seriously is a particularly out of pocket response. However, it’s also not the only way to assert his identity as Andrew, because Burial showed us a better way for him to do the same: quiet dismissal with a confident assertion that ‘Andy’ is dead. Slapping her wasn’t the only way to get the point across, but it was -a- way, and I think it was important for Ashley to internalize it even though the slap was a simultaneous sign of strength AND weakness on Andrew’s end.

He didn’t need to play her game, but he did, and he managed to make it mean something.

The episode in general went through great lengths to show how unseriously Ashley takes her own actions. Which is a mood (she’s literally me, chat), for sure, but we’ve already seen that offhanded remarks by Ashley are enough to deeply sting Andrew.

This whole scene was an example of her not taking her own words seriously, by highlighting a dynamic we took for granted in prior episodes. Their endless back and forth is perceived as a harmless game by her. A lot of people perceived this dynamic as toxic back in prior chapters but it’s fairly common in long-term relationships. As someone who has a tendency of doing that myself- at least with friends- it makes social situations easier to navigate when I know that both of us are aware that the other person isn’t actually trying to hurt the other in a way that sticks. 

(I’m obviously not saying that their dynamic isn’t toxic, just that this one aspect of it is fairly normal and often taken uncharitably)

There are dozens upon dozens more examples than this but I assume that if I need to list them off to you then you haven’t actually played the game. I’m just listing this one because it’s useful for highlighting the way she views their dynamic.

Either way, Andrew isn’t having it this time, because he’s focusing harder on something he wanted from Ashley all along:

Respect.

Respect is a huge running theme in this episode, and the decision to accept being called Andrew or Andy is the make or break point for the route, and by proxy, their relationship. If Andrew decides to demand self-respect by asserting his identity as Andrew, then Ashley takes his request to not roast the camper seriously. But if he doesn’t demand to be called Andrew, then she does roast the camper. The implications of this decision are huge, but if you choose to be called Andy, he’s too much of a doormat at this point to show why it’s so important.

Accepting being called Andy gives Ashley permission to double down on all the worst aspects of their dynamic. There’s a lot to say about how Andrew reacts to this, but most of it is retreading old ground, because he’s made his issues with this and what it means to him abundantly clear already. What’s more interesting- to me- is how Ashley reacts. When Andrew reacts to “Why do you think it’s okay to hurt me?”, Ashley responds with… confusion.

"(It's) fine to stomp over every boundary I've ever set, isn't it?"

"I- uh...... wouldn't know."

She doesn’t get it. She genuinely doesn’t get it. She does not understand boundaries, flat-out. She has very few of her own, and therefore doesn’t see them in other people. Even when Andrew expressed boundaries to her in his past- the few times it actually happened- he quickly lowered them, never teaching her what they actually mean. While we don’t know for absolute certain because of how few flashbacks we’ve seen from her perspective, it seems like she’s never been held to account for transgressing a boundary.

Even when she’s slapped in the face, she doesn’t quite understand that it’s Andrew setting a boundary and showing self-respect. We see this later on with the argument she has with Andrew later in the episode:

"...............I stopped calling you Andy."

"Ooooh! Hallelujah! She hasn't called me by the wrong name for a few days! Mercy me, do I stand corrected! This must be love! And not just any love, but true love of the highest caliber!"

She thinks it’s just doing him a favor. She’s not respecting his boundaries at all. It’s something she’s GIVING to him.

With Ashley’s general inability to take things seriously in mind, and her lack of understanding of boundaries, I think there’s one more piece of the puzzle I need to explore before I can explain why I think things I really went to shit:

HOT

SIBLING

BREEDING!!!

Coffin is, still, even with Decay in mind, not making a statement on whether or not incest is good or bad. I can say that with full confidence. It's going further than that: it's using their incestuous relationship to highlight the ways in which the siblings interface with sexuality. Their more romantic, intimate moments are still portrayed as cute, and something that makes both of them happy. Physical affection stabilizes their relationship, and is something the two of them need to feel like things are okay. It doesn't hurt them.

...to a point.

Because she sure as fuck isn’t showing that it’s good, either.

In the Shoot/Dead End route (I'll be referring to this route as 3B from here on, and the cliffhanger route as 3A), their incestuous tendencies are unambiguously portrayed as a negative thing. Everything they do together makes one or both of them uncomfortable, unlike almost every other instance we see in every other route. But why? What's the difference between 3A and 3B?

Let's compare the scenes of intimacy between 3A and 3B:

In 3A, Andrew was slow, patient, and gentle, resulting in something that both Ashley and him enjoyed. They cracked a laugh, hugged each other, very cute, wholesome, and not at all weird if you don't look at the shared genetics behind the curtain.

But in 3B, he was sudden and forceful, resulting in something Ashley didn't enjoy. She tries to reciprocate but he pulls away shortly after, supposedly because she's not good at kissing, and also because he still feels gross about actually enjoying a sexual encounter with his little sister. Her reaction to this was visible confusion.

I want to establish my takes on these scenes now because I’m going to draw attention to them later on.

So, let’s recap:

Ashley doesn’t take things seriously enough. She doesn’t understand personal boundaries. She attempts to reciprocate affections and act with visible confusion when it’s rejected. What does this mean? I want everyone to hear me out on this before they respond with ‘well, no fucking shit Sherlock’, because this little fact about Ashley’s character goes far deeper and is more wide-reaching than many might think, at least given the kinds of analysis I see on this game:

Ashley treats life like a game. 

And I don’t mean that as a heavy-handed metaphor for her thinking everyone needs to be played and manipulated and that she has very little personal investment in anything that goes on. I mean she actually, literally, treats life like a game. Let me highlight something from the Q&A so I can explain just how important this really is:

“She doesn’t want to grow up”

“her fantasy of Andy and Leyley.”

When she calls Andrew Andy as a teenager:

"It's supposed to be endearing!! It's our secret game! I thought you liked that kind of thing."

You see where I’m going with this? Her whole dynamic with Andrew is part of that ‘secret game’ to her. It’s something she takes seriously, unlike everything else in life. Every deviation from it is merely doing him a favor. She’s allowing him to break the rules, if only temporarily. She doesn’t take many things seriously because she can’t emotionally grasp the significance of it. In her mind, she’s still a child. And for much of the story, no matter the route, she’s still playing that game with Andrew, no matter what’s at stake.

Ribbing at each other? Part of the game.

Their mutual displays of affection? Part of the game.

But boundaries? Those weren’t part of the rules.

This is why Ashley is so confused and distressed when none of ‘her’ games work on Andrew anymore.

The rules have changed. And she doesn’t understand them anymore.

Here lies the core differences between the routes in Decay. In 3A, Andrew is still willing to play that game with her. 

Just like in real life,

Just like with his peers, with his mom, with Julia,

Andrew knows how to pretend to play Ashley’s game.

He’s not quite aware it’s a game in the same ways as her, but he does know the sets of behaviors he can use to calm Ashley down. And as shown with the Entity, he’s extremely good at negotiating rules even when he’s not aware there’s a game at play. But he still doesn’t understand it as a game, and that’s where many of his frustrations come from (not to say Ashley is fully aware it’s a game either, but he’s even less aware than she is). Ashley doesn’t listen to him as often as he’d like because he’s not fully aware of the rules she expects them to operate under. Or perhaps, more accurately, not aware of what he has to do to change the rules rather than just create exceptions.

I don’t exactly know either, but I think it has something to do with how much gifts mean to Ashley. Keep in mind that all it takes is a wedding ring to avert the double suicide ending.

I think this proclivity for engaging with life as if it was a game might be why Ashley is said to be in-tune with the Demon Realm and enjoy their puzzles so much: everything has clear rules and conditions for winning or losing. Agreements are ironclad, and a deal is a deal. It’s a series of easy and somewhat predictable input->output mechanisms, as long as she’s precise with her desires. While the Entity is clearly manipulating her in some way, it’s yet to do so through lies, and she has been shown no reason to believe that it ever lies, outside of when it tells her highly emotionally inconvenient information.

(If your eyebrow rose when reading that, mine rose while typing it too, but I’m not here to diagnose anyone because that makes analysis less interesting and I literally wrote the essay on why people shouldn’t do that)

One detail I want to point out before tying this all back together is that games are something Ashley has appreciated from the absolute youngest we’ve ever seen her, before either of them did anything wrong: The flashback where they visited the grandparents. Andrew turning his pursuit of Ashley into a game was shown to instantly get her to behave better, as it’s given her clear and obvious rules to adhere to, and conditions to get something she wants, no strings attached. I wanted to point this out so I could establish that this is how she’s always been and not a pattern she fell into, because I need to emphasize just how pervasive games are to how Ashley interfaces with the world.

With Andrew, her ‘secret game’ becomes something different. 

Tying back into my first essay, the ‘games’ she plays are the framework with which she uses to feel in control of Andrew. They’re what her entire sense of safety is predicated on, and without the rules and reciprocal ‘play’ that comes with games, she loses any sense of emotional stability and becomes extremely volatile, confrontational, and sometimes violent. She’s not one who can function without an understanding of what’s going on, which is precisely why she lacks foresight and operates on intuition.

It’s not like she’s not trying, right? I’d like to present the scene where Andrew calls Julia with Ashley on the line.

At first, Ashley loses her shit and just barely manages to keep herself together. It really seems like an act of wanton cruelty on Andrew’s part, but it’s important to note that you get a star for this scene. You don’t get stars for scenes where their relationship deteriorates. So why do you get a star? She initially appeared upset, but the moment Andrew reframed it, her expression flipped, and she immediately became happy.

"So she can behave. Somewhat."

"Hmph! You dared to doubt me? Shame on you! Despite your underhanded bullshit, I emerge victorious!"

Andrew had to stop Ashley from yelling, and from hanging up, but Ashley managed to quiet down and stabilize herself enough to not loudly explode and get violent and uncontrollable.

And outside of where they were forced to be separated either to solve a puzzle or at the whims of the Entity, Andrew led her through every challenge they faced and she didn’t spend the whole time questioning his ability.

Why do you think we play as Andrew for the vast majority of the episode, even when they’re together?

She trusts his judgement more, even if she can’t quite understand (or at least vocalize) why. There’s a reason she roasts the camper in every route where this one interaction isn’t possible: Her desire to gain strength from eating people supersedes her trust in Andrew’s ability to handle difficult situations. She has to gain enough power for the both of them, or they’re fucked. But if Andrew has the strength to assert his identity as Andrew, maybe she doesn’t need to do all the heavy lifting.

(This is why I believe the star scenes are what they are. They’re not required to improve their relationship, but they ARE required for the necessary context to show why “the future” (as stated by the Entity in the Vision Room when he mentions them) is what it is.)

For a large part of the rest of the episode, we see a lot of smaller moments like this, where Ashley is at least trying to reach some kind of mutual understanding with Andrew and Andrew is trying to convey his actual feelings to Ashley, but the two of them keep speaking past each other because they simply do not understand the language that the other speaks. But what’s important is that their relationship manages to not deteriorate, and despite the vicious fighting, they still express a desire to understand the other when left to their own devices. By this point, I was feeling vindicated, as a lot of my initial analyses that were incredibly charitable to both siblings seemed to be at least somewhat correct and that I was right to give them the benefit of the d-....

Part 2: The Lies We Tell Ourselves

...-id Andrew just kill a fucking child in cold blood?!

I want to draw attention to the wording I used to describe how Ashley treats life as a game. I said she treats it as a game, not necessarily inexorably understands it as such. This is not a tendency she had no choice but to manifest; outside of being part of the way she manifests the Andy and Leyley fantasy, it’s also an emotional regulation tool that simplifies her interactions with the world. I want to specify this because I feel like, if I don’t, it might paint a picture of her being a helpless victim in a world that treats her poorly. Nor that growing up would solve her problems, and that she has no agency because she had no choice but to be this way. While I would never deny her nor Andrew victimhood of each other and the world around them, I also don’t want to confuse people into thinking that I don’t think they could’ve done better, and that I shouldn’t expect them to. Because the more I played through the game- and after finishing it, the more I thought about it- it became clearer and clearer that they could, because Andrew…

Holy shit, Andrew. Talk about dropping the pretense.

When the parents were sacrificed, Andrew- and his life- could never be normal again. The man realized that too, because nothing Ashley suggested registered as objectionable anymore. He offered so little resistance to killing the campers that it didn’t even sink in what kind of action that was. He was never much of a moral conscience to begin with, but from that point on, he stopped trying.

"Aaah, you know I can't say no to a family value pack."

Oh, Andrew, you wretched little shit. I get it now.

The thing about Andrew that I didn’t quite get last time is just how loose his grasp on the idea of normalcy actually was. It seemed like a central facet of his character and something he desperately wanted to hold on to at all costs, but now it looks much, much different. It wasn’t something he wanted to convince himself was true much past his teenage years, but the moment hormones started setting in, he made almost no effort to come to terms with his sexual desires. He made no attempt to distance himself from Ashley, to not project his fantasy on to Julia, or even to not peep at his sister in the shower.

‘Normal’ wasn’t something he wanted to be. It was a role he wanted to play.

At every chance he got, he fed into his darkest desires like an addict, and projected those fantasies on to Julia. He didn’t even bother trying to make space between him and Ashley; no, she had to do it for him, because she was mad at him. And the best part is, it wasn’t even good for him. 

As much as he tried to lie to himself, what he really wanted is to lie to others. Not once did he try to change himself in accordance with the person he wanted to be, and especially what others wanted him to be. Not once did he self-reflect about what he really wanted, or what would be best for him, or even Ashley, for that matter. He just wanted other people to shut up. Andrew was not a victim of his own impulses and desires. I really feel the need to emphasize just how messed up this man is; Without Ashley taking an active role in his life, he didn’t get better. He filled in the gaps in his heart by choosing to be worse.

Nemlei took subtext, turned it into text, and then turned that text into a baseball bat that she used to crack our skulls over and over again. He was never the ‘good person’ in their relationship, and never once tried to be.

And the worst part is that I fully understand and empathize with why.

There’s a funny thing that sometimes happens when you have impossible standards piled on to you and enforced through abuse and you’re denied a chance to ever be your own person: You fail to develop a coherent sense of identity. You latch on to anything that ‘seems’ right and predicate your whole sense of self on it. You need this sense of identity to navigate the world, so anything that threatens it is a threat to everything you know, and you respond to it in turn. Everything you do outside of that one core idea (or several ideas) becomes an act, a puppet show you play to placate others and serve your own ends. You can’t afford empathy or understanding to ‘threats’, because you’re too busy trying to protect what you ‘know’ you are. A threat to your world is a threat to your life, and so you respond by desperately doing whatever it takes to remove that threat. Sometimes lies, sometimes violence, of varying degrees of intensity depending on the threat.

Sometimes you learn to shut your feelings off.

Sometimes you learn to react too strongly.

Sometimes you learn that nobody else matters, because everyone else will just hurt you anyway.

You devalue people. You overvalue people. 

Anything to feel safe, anything to feel like the outside world is less of a threat. Anything to remove that threat, manage that threat, or protect the only thing in the world that matters to you, whether that thing is yourself, or someone else.

And for Andrew? It’s said to us in the beginning of episode 3:

Andy’s Leyley

Leyley’s Andy

Yeah, Nemlei. I get it. You understand. 

There’s another side to this coin, but I’ll get to that.

Not that this happens to everyone, but it absolutely happened to Andrew. The ‘role’ he was had forced upon him was that of Leyley’s _____. Her protector, teacher, parent, general caretaker. Her emotional regulator. Her brother.

Her everything.

It was all he could be. All he was allowed to be. Because the moment he diverged, he was punished greatly by Renee, and at some point, Ashley herself. He predicated his entire value system on being her ‘Andy’, to the point where every action he took that wasn’t part of the act he put on to attempt to interface with the world normally became for her.

It was all for her, because he was her _____. Anything to keep her under control, anything to keep her safe. 

One of the most notable examples of this is shown when Lord Unknown was attempting to give him therapy. When he started hearing how people spread rumors about how he slept with Ashley, and Douchebag told him that the people in Ashley’s class said that she spread them, he just glossed over this fact. So little attention is drawn to it that I actually missed it on my first playthrough. Instead, the first thing Andrew expressed internally was concern over whether or not she was being bullied; it didn’t even register in his mind that she was responsible for smearing his reputation. 

To him, she was never responsible for anything. She was his responsibility above all else. The incestuous rumors hardly mattered to him, and he kept finding holes in the story and pointing them out, such as how she didn’t have time to spread them early (since we saw them enter school together) in the day because she stood Douchebag up on a Friday, and how there was no way to catch them behind the auditorium ‘yesterday’ given it was a Monday. The presence of those holes is why I’m skeptical of whether or not she actually spread them, but it’s not like it’s something she wouldn’t do. More on that later.

Above all else, Andrew wasn’t concerned about how people saw him; he hardly even cared. He was upset mostly about people thinking that he’d take advantage of Ashley in that way. There was nothing weird to him about how clingy they were to each other, how affectionate they were, how protective he was.

Of course he was all that. Andrew was her brother. It was his job to be all that. It was his job to be her _____.

I’d like to present an alternate theory to the idea that Andrew dated Julia to appear normal. The theory isn’t mutually compatible with that, but it feels woefully incomplete.  Given the focus on bullying, the anger had over the idea that he’d ever hurt her, and the fact that sexual feelings started creeping in his mind thanks to the magical curse of teenage hormones, I believe the primary reason he dated Julia was so that he could prove to others- and himself- that he would never hurt his precious Ashley. Not in that way, not at all. It was everything he predicated his sense of identity on. It was what he had to be, above all else.

So in order to protect his ‘role’, his identity, he chose something he, deep down, knew would hurt her, because nobody could ever be led to believe that he’d take advantage of her like that.

Especially himself.

Appearing normal to others was a pleasant side-effect of this, and if he could convince himself he loved Julia, he’d never have to add ‘boyfriend’ to the list of things he had to be for Ashley.

Hahahaha, whoops. 

Surprise! It was the thing he actually wanted to be for her the most! 

Teenage hormones are an awful thing, aren’t they? In realizing that he had sexual feelings for Ashley, he finally found something he’d actually enjoy being for her! 

And it was something he could never be, lest it risk everything else he thought of himself as being for her!

Oh, the wretched irony of sexual desire. I could never.

Which way, western man? Everything you think you should be, or the one thing you actually want to be?

Andrew tries to have it both ways, but, y’know how that went. No attempt to rein in these desires, projecting his sister on his girlfriend, etc etc. Already been over that. But now I can highlight why I believe he got worse and kept feeding into his desires; the closest thing to a moral conscience he had- his identity as Leyley’s _____- takes a step out of his life for reasons I’ll cover when I cover how much of a fuck up she actually is. 

What, you thought I’d skip over her just because I was- and still am- her number one defender? Oh no no. Now that I know better than to give these losers (that I love very dearly and desire nothing but happiness for) so much charitability, I have a lot to say about her too. But back to Andrew.

Without that sense of personal identity- without his proximity to Ashley- he sees no reason not to give into his desires, watch her while she dresses, and project all of his most sexual fantasies on to Julia. His interactions with Ashley were, as fucked up as it is, grounding to him. They stabilize him, give him a reason to act right that isn’t just a facade. With that, he has nothing. Nothing except his facade of normalcy.

I think the year-long gap between his interactions with Ashley are precisely the reason why ‘normalcy’ became so important to him. It became a second sense of identity that conflicted with what he predicated his identity on before. He could finally emulate being a somewhat normal person, with a somewhat normal attachment to a somewhat normal person. Horray! But the prior identity still existed. It never went away. Ashley was where his heart was, and trying to give it to someone else only hollowed out what was there before.

This one CG speaks louder than any words the man has ever spoken, up to this point.

These are not the eyes of someone who is merely depressed. These are the eyes of someone who is confronting the idea of living a life without the only thing that ever gave him meaning.

He can’t even make eye contact with himself, because there’s nothing there.

Andrew, without Ashley, is a hollow husk of a man who starts to crumble the more he tries to convince himself he could be anything other than her everything.

She is the light of his life. The nightmarish, toxic, corrosive light of his life.

(cont. in next post)

[thanosscross]

Choi Seung Hyun/T.O.P x english speaking reader who try to learn korean for him but fails at first cause learning knew language is hard ?

Yess! I love this idea!! I just hope you don't mind a little twist added! This was just too cute and I just had to make it into a series!!<333 So with Reader also being a performer, just think along the lines of Brittney Spears vibes, just younger :0

All for show 1/? - Choi Seung Hyun/T.O.P x Amercian! Pop-Star! Reader

Summary: After meeting at an award show, Seung Hyun notices international pop-star, Y/n L/n was mainly all for show in the spotlight.

Warnings: Your manager is 100% a dick in this, him trying to sexualize the reader before Seung Hyun fixes it for you <3

Whenever you were invited to guest perform at a music awards show, you were excited to accept the offer, you were in your off year from tours, and shows, so you were itching to get back on stage. You always loved being on stage, it wasn't that you loved attention, or were fame hungry, quite the opposite, actually. You just loved doing what you found fun, and that was dancing and singing, while also having fun with fans during your shows, your agency, just liked to make it look like you were hungry for the attention and male gaze.

Flying to America for one of their award shows, was odd for the boys, not knowing they had actually been nominated for one of the 'highest streaming' awards, The four were excited, practically bouncing around in their seats as they went over show plans and the line-up for the award show. "Holy shit, They're going to have the one girl there, uh!..Shit! Seung Hyun's favorite person to dance to while drunk!" Tae-Yang shouted, trying his best to think of your name "Y/n L/n!" Ji-Yong smiled, having multiple of your songs in his playlist, he didn't care if your choreography and songs didn't fit into the usual K-pop female music, yours diving way more into sexual topics and themes, but you weren't in K-pop, you were an American singer, meaning you could get away with a lot more. "I bet she's awesome in person! Have you seen her on stage!?" Dae-Sung gasped, leaning over the first class seat, looking at the line-up that Tae-Yang had pulled up.

As you walked into the giant room, you'd be performing and rehearsing in, you smiled brightly "I'm so excited! I just hope management approved the outfits I submitted" You said excitedly, holding your best friend's hand tightly, she was actually your assistant, but who cared? You were around each other enough to be considered best friends. "I'm sorry, Y/n..." She whispered, motioning to your dressing room, you sighed walking back to see the clothing rack sitting proudly in the center of the room, of course they wouldn't approve it, why would you ever be allowed to wear pants? You pouted walking over to the rack, your face twisting with disgust as you saw the extremely short spandex shorts, rhinestones and colored jewels covering the cheap fabric underneath, paired with nothing but basically a bra covered in the same rhinestones and jewels. Moving it to the side, you felt a little better, seeing somewhat of a bodysuit, the only difference being, the pant legs of it being cut off into the same shortness as the shorts from before, at least this time you would have more coverage up top.

Making your way to your rehearsals, you waved to the sound workers, making sure your microphone was taped down on your cheek securely, before making your way onto the stage, nodding your head to the intro of your song "Are we doing full effort? Or just running through?" You asked softly, looking towards the stage manager and your manager "Let's just do full effort, You haven't performed in over six months? You're rusty" He replied, you just shot him a glare, rolling your eyes before starting your choreography, singing softly with your backtrack that played through the speakers at the side of the stage.

The boys tried their best to calmly walk inside, jumping up and down for a moment in excitement as they heard music echoing from down the hall, as they made their way closer, following the stage tech to the giant room, Seung Hyun's eyes immediately landing on you as you made your way down to the edge of the stage. You were more breathtaking in person, even in a loose hoodie and sweatpants, you still danced and dropped to the ground like it was absolutely nothing for you. As the music played in the background, allowing you a moment to catch your breath, you just continued to jump along to it, throwing your arms up as the beat faded out. The four boys quickly clapped loudly, bowing towards you as you turned your attention to them "Oh my god! I didn't know other people were here! I'm so sorry! I knew we should've just ran through it like usual" You apologized before turning to scold your manager, the boys just chuckled and protested "No! No! You're okay! That was amazing!" Seung Hyun argued, Dae-Sung smiling and nodding in agreement "Yea, we just got here! We're big fans!" He smiled, causing Seung Hyun to lightly smack his arm, not wanting to blow his cover of acting cool around you. "Awe! Thank you! I've heard your guys' music too, I have it in all of my workout playlists" You giggled, stepping down off of the stage, ignoring your managers protests that you still had one more song to run before you could run off. "BigBang right? Ji-Yong...Dae-Sung, Tae-Yang, and....Do you prefer Top or Seung Hyun?" You giggled, recalling their names the best you could, watching as each boy blushed brightly as your name fell from their lips. Each boy had their own crush on you for different reasons, but all of them fell almost under the same category, your confidence, especially whenever it came to your music videos and performances.

"U-Um..You can call me Seung Hyun" He smiled softly, watching as you smiled brightly, covering your cheeks slightly as you blushed slightly, his smile was even cuter in person. "Nice to meet you boys, I'm Y/n..as you know.." You giggled awkwardly, groaning as you heard the beginning of your song start to play, turning to flip your manager off before walking back to the stage. You two had a love-hate relationship, mainly hate, but with you being the biggest pop-star under your manager's contracts, he couldn't afford to lose you, and you were too big of a people pleaser to leave. Strutting around the stage to the music, you nodded your head lazily, it was your biggest song, so you had done the song and choreography a million times before. "Y/n." Your manager warned, you just rolled your eyes towards him before moving your arms, dragging your hands across your chest before flicking your hands with the beat of the music. As you kneeled down, you shot a glare to your manager, knowing damn well your ass would be on full view during this part if you wore either outfit you had, you rolled onto your hands and knees, crawling towards the edge of the stage for a few counts of the song, before rolling onto your back, bending on knee up as you rested a hand in your hair, panting loudly "I'm not doing that, and you can't force me, Christopher" You demanded, popping up to your feet "You will, or you can be on hiatus for another year" He threatened, narrowing your eyes as you marched towards him, you felt your blood boiling, how dare he threaten that? Whenever you've given the last eight years of your life to him, signing on with him at sixteen, and still staying at 24, even if you were tired of his shit. "You have me half naked on stage and on national television!" You shouted, jabbing his chest quickly, he was quick to catch your finger, holding it as he glared you down.

Seung Hyun clenched his fists, not liking the way your interaction seemed to be going, but Ji-Yong just stopped him from moving forward any "We have our arguments with YG, she has hers" He whispered, watching from afar as you yanked your hand away from your managers huffing loudly "It always responds better with audiences if you're dressed more revealing" You manager smirked, trying to keep his voice low as more of the artists started showing up, you just felt yourself become more angry, of course he was going to make it like you were the problem now. "I'm not wearing it, or I'm not doing the choreography." You snapped before storming towards your dressing room, feeling like you needed to leave before you ended up punching his stupid face. As you sat on your sofa, you glared harshly at the two outfits hanging on the rack, and then the one you had in your bag as a spare, the one you originally wanted. It was nothing special, just a pair of jeans and a crop-top that had come from your merch line that you had customized to be one of a kind by adding rips and adding pieces of your own Jewlery to it, along with a loose oversized flannel to go over.

You never noticed the knocking on your door, or your assistant letting in the tall K-pop star "If you keep glaring that hard, you might be lucky enough to cause them to catch fire" Seung Hyun noted, causing you to jump, turning your attention towards him as you caught your breath from the slight scare "Sorry! I'm so sorry, Aein!" He apologized quickly, he didn't mean to frighten you, he just wanted to make sure you were alright, and didn't need a teammate to kick your managers ass. "A..en?" You questioned, tilting your head as you continued to try and repeat the word, you weren't sure if he had just forgotten your name, or if it was some type of insult or compliment in Korean "Aein, It's um..Sweetheart" He replied, suddenly becoming flustered by his own flirty nickname for you "Oh...Ain" You tried, letting your head fall as you giggled "That's still not right is it?" You asked giggling, watching as Seung Hyun shook his head smiling "Aein.." He said slower this time, sounding out each syllable, watching as you nodded closely, excited to learn a new way to speak to others, and your fans from Korea. "Aein..You're an Aein too?" You questioned, he just laughed softly as your attempt, nodding as you finally somewhat pronounced it right "Very close, so, what's going on with grandpa out there?" He asked playfully, sitting on the chair across from you, you sighed looking at him "I'm sure you don't want to hear about all of that" You sighed, glancing at your watch, four hours until show time, Seung Hyun just shook his head sighing "Maybe I do?" He questioned, smiling a bit as you tilted your head "You know..I don't..sleep with other artists right?..That was a rumor-" Seung Hyun was quick to cut your nervous tone off "No! Aein, I just want to make sure you're alright!" He smiled, watching as you tilted your head even more before slowly sitting back on the couch "That's my manager, Chris, he's a good guy, just a man" You huffed before turning to look at the K-pop Idol that sat in front of you "No offense, I just mean, he fits that stereotypical, womanizer, asshole" You explained watching as he giggled and nodded at your cautiousness, whatever training agency you went through must've trained you for PR well especially if you were cautious around other celebrities in private. "He's got me in those outfits, dancing like I was, and everybody will see everything and It's going on tv so it will always be out there" You huffed, resting your head in your hands as you tried your best not to cry, you weren't really ever this emotional, but you felt trapped, like you had no options.

"Hey, hey, it's okay" Seung Hyun replied, moving quickly to sit next to you, rubbing your back gently as you tried your best to not cry. "I don't know what to do, and I'm crying to a man I just met" You huffed, laughing at yourself softly, glancing up to your vanity mirror huffing loudly "I look so fucking stupid" You whispered, trying to wipe the tears and makeup off of your face, that's whenever Seung Hyun first noticed that whenever you were on stage, it was all for show, while you might've been confident, you didn't seem as confident as you were. "You don't, I think you're just, stressed right now" He whispered, growing frustrated as he tried to think of the words to explain that you were alright and all idols get like that, but his mind was blanking, only thinking of them in his own language. You took a deep breath, giving Seung Hyun a soft smile "That's sweet, but there's nothing shaking my opinion, anyways, what're you doing in here?" You asked, realizing as your emotions started to calm, Seung Hyun never really stated why he was there "Well, at first I was just checking on you, but now, after hearing your outfit situation, I think I have an idea" He smirked playfully, standing up as he grabbed your drink off of your vanity walking over to your outfits before raising his eyebrows “ready?” He asked, trying to hide his smile as you giggled evilly, knowing this was going to piss your manager off “do ittt!” You shouted watching as he pretended to trip in order to spill your drink on your performing outfits “oh nooo! You can’t wear them anymore!” He said sarcastically, laughing, watching as you giggled loudly standing up “I guess I’ll just have to wear my spare then" You laughed playfully, getting your spare outfit, laying it over the back of the couch, smiling as Seung Hyun set the cup back down turning to face you.

"That was really sweet" You smiled softly, nudging his arm gently as you nodded towards the speaker that sat installed in the ceiling as it chimed in to let you know they were calling someone on stage for rehearsals "BigBang members, please make your way to the stage" The speaker said, before repeating the phrase one more time, Seung Hyun smiling sadly at you "See you later?" He asked softly, you giggled a bit, acting like you were thinking hard "I don't know...I don't normally let fans in my dressing rooms" You giggled softly, Seung Hyun gasped looking at you in shock "I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Yes, You'll see me later" You giggled softly, holding onto the door as you watched Seung Hyun take a slight step out before looking at you "Got it..and Y/n?...No matter what you wear?..I think you're yeppeo" He whispered softly, smiling softly as you gave him the same confused expression as before "I'm..awesome?" You giggled playfully, watching as he chuckled softly, a blush rising to his cheeks "It means...pretty or beautiful" He replied, doing his best to translate for you, giggling softly you covered your face "See you later, Seung Hyun" You whispered, watching as he waved goodbye, before walking towards stage with his friends.

As you sat on the couch, in your dressing room, you wondered why you were so suddenly drawn to the K-pop star, he was tall, and very attractive, but there was just something else about him. Maybe it was the fact, that everybody in the world was sure that you were full of yourself and had an ego bigger than the universe, but Seung Hyun seemed to see straight through that, seeing you for who you really were. A stuck, insecure, sweet, shy 24 year old, that just wanted to do best for your fans, not worrying about anything other than that. As you tilted your head slightly, you decided to try your best to learn some common lines in Korean, wanting to be able to communicate better with the boys while you're here, especially Seung Hyun. As Seung Hyun finally entered your dressing room again, he laughed, noticing your state, that was the exact same as last time, except your glare was set on your laptop. "Aein? I can't pour a drink on that" He joked playfully, you just let yourself fall back "Well, I'm trying to learn this, but I can't seem to fucking pronounce that" You huffed loudly, handing your laptop over to the taller man, Seung Hyun couldn't contain his blush as he noticed the phrase you had typed out in English, Korean, and the pronunciations for each word. 'You guys did amazing, best rapper I've ever met'

You both ended up sitting there for the rest of the three hours you had before the show started, Seung Hyun helping you learn different phrases in Korean, even some of their songs, so you could follow along with them as they performed. You would all be rushed from the red carpet, straight to performing, you knew you were the last to perform, before you and the boys announced the winners, you both being the biggest names there. As you watched the boys perform, your eyes were trained on Seung Hyun, watching in awe as he moved around the stage, his deep voice echoing through the microphone as he rapped quickly, his eyes catching yours for a moment as he passed. He could feel his heart flutter whenever he caught your gaze, seeing how amazed you looked, while only looking at him. As you swapped places, and did your set, you smiled at Seung Hyun, looking at him, any chance you got as your manager was silently raging from the side of the stage at your outfit change. As your performance ended, and you all wrapped up the awards show, you smiled at Seung Hyun "Going back home, Aein?" You smiled, proud of yourself for properly pronouncing the nickname, Seung Hyun gave you a similar proud smile "That was perfect! And yea...we are" He whispered softly, grabbing your hands gently, moving to bid you a farewell before you were quick to wrap your arms around him in a hug. "Thank you for helping me tonight, Seung Hyun, You're a good person, and I hope I get the chance to see you again" You whispered, squeezing him slightly as he hugged you back "Anytime, Aein, Seriously, I'm sure I can spill a lot more drinks, especially if it means more of the Y/n, I saw tonight. You seemed so happy, about everything" He smiled playfully, rubbing your back before pulling away, you smiled a bit rocking on your feet, never had you ever had someone read you so well, so quickly, yet here Seung Hyun was, reading you like every secret and insecurity was exposed for him to see, without you ever saying a word.

"I'm always happy to perform.. I just, Don't want to show off my body in order to feel loved and accepted" You shrugged softly before sighing "But, that's show-biz, is it not?" You joked, watching as Seung Hyun sighed softly "There are people who love and accept you for exactly who you are, Y/n, you've just got to hold out and wait" He whispered, cupping your cheek gently before giving you a soft smile "I had my manager contact your manager, so you should be getting my number soon" He smiled softly, bidding you one last goodbye before his manager pulled him away so they could make their flight back home. Seung Hyun could feel his heart drop, and his chest feel heavier as he walked away, he wanted to stay with you longer, just a few hours, wasn't enough for him, he wanted to hear you talk forever, learn everything about you. As he went to get into the car they had to take them to the airport, you stopped him for one last hug "Be safe.. Okay?" You whispered, giving him one last squeeze before pulling away "I will, Aein, just for you" He whispered, smiling as he watched you covered your blush quickly with your hands, giggling softly, you swatted at his arm gently "Are you flirting with me?" You giggled as he climbed into the car "Only if you want me too" Seung Hyun joked playfully, you just giggled loudly, shaking your head playfully as you sighed "You're too cute, Seung Hyun, message me whenever you land, please?" You whispered, standing back so the other boys could file into the car "I will, Aein, get inside before you freeze" He replied sweetly, his tone slightly demanding as you shivered from the chilly fall breeze. Nodding as you laughed softly, moving back towards the doors, waving the boys goodbye as the car pulled away.

"You like him!~" Your assistant sang out, approaching from behind, you just blushed brightly as you turned around "He's so charming! It's like he knows me without knowing me! He even invited me to an art show in a few months!" You squealed excitedly, your assistant squealing with you, happy to see you this excited again, especially since your off year started. "Ooo~ Y/n L/n and K-Pop Idol, T.O.P, I like it" Your manager cheered as he approached "Noo! Keep your grimy little PR fingers away from him! Private life things!" You groaned, watching as he laughed as your actions "Honey nothing is a private life in the Music industry" He replied, causing your assistant and you both to roll your eyes, your assistant quick to step forward "Christopher, So help me, if you interfere with this, or ruin it for our girl, I will kill you, sound good?" She threatened lowly, you nodded your head as he glanced at you, sighing as he sent over a forwarded message of Seung Hyun's number "There, if anything I helped her" He sassed, you just giggled excitedly, pulling your phone out, knowing exactly what he meant as you immediately started to message your new friend, and growing crush.

'Hey! <3 It's Y/n, It's going to be about 10k for those outfits :)'

'10K!? What were they made out of?'

'I'm kidding! <33 Miss you already, bestie, hanging out isn't fun whenever you're not here'

'Aww Aein, you're too kind <3'

You giggled reading his message, carrying your phone close to your chest as you made your way out to the car, your driver taking you back home as you patiently waited for a message from Seung Hyun saying he landed. Excited to hear from again, even if it was just through text messages, he still managed to make you feel more seen than everybody ever has.

--

What do you think lovelies? <333 I'm definitely doing a part two because this is just too cute! <3 Excited to hear from you!!

--

Taglist!!!

@onyxmango

@ag02212023

@acehasmyheart

@mitchko11

@learninglinesintherainn

@seunghyunwifey

@alexandralibbre

@jajabro

@heartsforseo

@lilou-0401

@maenoakasuna

@ericityyy

@alexandralibbre

@jajabro

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@seunghyunwifey

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@isssaaaa2111

@goodnight-n-go-home

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@sunhyeswife

@ilovethe141

@saraaisfree

@cheese10001

@sassyyoyo

@live-laugh-lovef1

@c1delight

[lulu103]

Batboys x Reader

The Batboys and Their Girlfriend with Low Self-Esteem

Richard "Dick" Grayson

Dick is the warmest and most affectionate. For him, self-esteem is built little by little, with patience and a lot of love. From the start, he notices that his girlfriend doesn’t see herself the way she deserves, so he becomes her constant reminder of her worth.

Constant emotional support: He sends her small, sweet messages throughout the day: “I’m thinking of you, you’re amazing,” “Don’t forget how much you’re worth,” or songs he knows lift her spirits. He understands that in moments of insecurity, a kind word can change everything.

The power of touch: When she feels insecure, Dick offers a warm, sincere hug. For him, physical contact is a love language that can heal internal wounds. “To me, you are perfect just as you are. You don’t need to change anything for me to love you.”

Activities to reconnect: He invites her to go dancing or do activities that connect them to their bodies and movement. He believes feeling the body in motion helps her love herself more.

Sharing his vulnerabilities: At night, when anxiety or doubts appear, Dick doesn’t hide his own insecurities. He tells her how he has also felt insecure many times and how, little by little, he learned to love himself. This makes her feel less alone and more understood.

Self-acceptance exercises: Sometimes he suggests looking in the mirror together and repeating positive affirmations. It may feel awkward at first, but little by little it becomes a ritual that helps change how she sees herself.

Jason Todd

Jason is more direct and can sometimes seem rough, but deep down, he wants what’s best for her and protects her fiercely.

Honesty and firmness: He doesn’t sugarcoat things but is always honest. When he sees her doubt herself, he challenges her to face those insecurities. “You’re not less because of what you think. If you fall, I’ll be there to lift you up, but first, you have to try.”

Showing love through actions: More than words, Jason shows his love with deeds. He leaves her notes with motivating phrases or surprises her with little gestures to remind her she’s important to him. “This isn’t because you’re perfect, it’s because you matter to me.”

Support during tough times: When she feels bad, Jason doesn’t judge or minimize her feelings. He hugs her and softly says, “You’re not less for feeling this way, but don’t let that define you.”

Small challenges: He encourages her to step out of her comfort zone, always with his support, to face her fears and build confidence. If she fails, he’s there to remind her that trying is already a victory. “You don’t have to be perfect. Just be yourself, and that’s already enough.”

Showing pride: Jason never misses a chance to say in public how proud he is of her, which makes her feel valued and real.

Timothy Drake

Tim is the most rational and analytical, and he uses that to help her understand and manage her negative thoughts.

Challenging toxic thoughts: He explains that insecurities are just thoughts, not facts. Together they work on exercises to replace them with kinder, more realistic ideas.

Journaling and reflection: He encourages her to write in a journal about her emotions, achievements, and things she’s grateful for so she can gradually see the good in herself and in life.

Lists of qualities: Together they make lists of all her virtues, from obvious to small ones, and place them where she can see them when she feels insecure.

Confidence-building activities: He suggests challenges like public speaking or sports, always accompanying and supporting her to boost her confidence.

Intellectual support: He gives her books, podcasts, or videos about self-esteem and personal growth, and they discuss them so she can internalize those ideas.

Infinite patience: He knows there will be good and bad days, and he always supports her, respecting her pace, with active listening and a shoulder to lean on.

Damian Wayne

Damian is colder and more serious, but with his girlfriend he learns to be patient and express his affection more deeply.

Firmness with affection: Though direct, he becomes protective and patient. He tells her that self-love is true strength and that no one, not even herself, has the right to make her feel less.

Shield against criticism: When she feels insecure, Damian becomes her shield, protecting her from any external or internal criticism. “To me, you are the most important person. I won’t allow anyone to make you feel less.”

Challenges with support: He proposes challenges so she can face her fears, always ready to support her if things don’t go as planned. “Falling is not losing. Getting up is what matters.”

Showing love through actions: Although not very expressive with words, his actions show how much he values and protects her.

Telling her she’s his hero: In her most vulnerable moments, he tells her she’s a hero to him, and that he loves her unconditionally for who she is.

Patience and growth: Sometimes he’s blunt, but he learns to be patient and respect her process because he knows love is also about accompanying internal struggles.

[mariclerc]

Jealousy and friendship | cl16 & mv1

Summary: where one of your best friends' girlfriend suspect things between the three of you.

Warning: a little angst, shy reader, Alexandra's and Kelly's mention, fluff and happy ending. (if you like ASM I'm sorry)

a/n: let me know if you liked this!!

You've known Max and Charles for a couple of years now - or rather, since they were competing in international karting back in 2009 or so, when they were 12 and you were 10 year old. You always liked motor racing and every now and then you went with your father to karting races and that's where you met them, they were like two peas in a pod, they went everywhere together, and even though they had some problems on the track, they forgave each other off it.

You've been through it all together, from the good times to the bad, you and Max were by Charles' side in his worst and saddest moments, just like you and Charles were by Max's side trying to defend him from Jos's abuse and so on. There were times when their old girlfriends would think that they had something with you or there were also some of them who didn't care that much, let's say, since you and Charles went to Max's house once a week to spend time with him or to play with his cats, and you and Max did the same with Charles and that coexistence that you had had not brought problems... Until now...

You are back in the paddock for the Singapore grand prix, you hadn't been to the paddock for a while because you were a bit busy with work and so on, but the boys adore you and let's say they needed your presence with them, so each one of them sent a pass to their respective team so you could spend time with one and the other. The people in the paddock adore you, the fans call you Max and Charles' "lucky charm" because of all the times you've been in the paddock, things have gone well for them and it actually makes you laugh a little, since you don't consider yourself like that.

“I'm so happy to be back here.” you say walking through the paddock with Kelly and little Penelope. Kelly has been understanding of the situation between you, Max and Charles, as she knows you are very close and doesn't mind you two going to visit Max at their house. “Oh, I missed the paddock a lot!”

Kelly smiled as she held Penelope's little hand. “I know honey, the boys missed you too. Do you know what it's like to deal with Max going to Ferrari hospitality only for Charles to give him a hug because you're not with them? It's a big mess!” she says and you let out a shy giggle while blushing.

“Oh please, I don't think it was that bad.” you say in a low voice while giggling.

While you were walking you didn't notice an upset Alexandra heading towards you two, she doesn't really like the idea of you and Max going to Charles' house, just as she doesn't like that you are Charles' best friend... Let's just say she doesn't like sharing Charles's attention with anyone else, or even fans.

She approaches you aggressively. “Excuse me, but what the hell are you doing here?” Alexandra says with fury in her voice.

“Uh... I came because Max and Charles invited me... It's nothing serious.” you say a little startled for her presence and attitude.

She scoffs. “Yeah, sure. It's like you want to always be a third wheel for them.” she rolled her eyes.

“That's... That's not true, we've been friends forever.” you say with a little bit of pain in your voice.

Kelly tries to join in on the conversation. “Alex I think you're being a little... Aggressive with y/n, there's no need to get all down on her, she's just supporting her friends and that's it.” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “I don't see anything wrong with it.”

Suddenly Alex starts screaming and creating a scene around you three. “You know something? I'm tired of you trying to get between Charles and me, trying to steal his attention from me and those are things that only a slutty little bitch does.” she says with her words full of poison towards you.

You never thought that being so close with your best friends was going to be seen that way, besides Kelly was always very open to you and Charles being around Max constantly, but Alex? It was a different case, she was always jealous of you and Max since the very first minute.

Tears form in your eyes. “I'm... I'm not trying to do anything, I just love being around them, they're my friends.” you say softly. “I didn't mean to cause any problem, I'm sorry... I- I can leave the track if you want.” you say in a whisper, almost turning around to leave the paddock.

Suddenly you see both Charles and Max coming walking towards where you three are.

“Hey, what's wrong here?” says Charles a little concerned.

Alex fake smiles at Charles. “Oh, nothing honey, just that she's causing trouble again, you know, it's nothing new.” she smiles cynically and hugs him tightly. “We can go get something to eat before practice.”

You shake your head. “That's not true.” you say shyly.

Charles tries to calm the situation. “Come on, let's just talk about this, okay?” he says as he separates himself from Alex.

Max clicks his tongue. “Kelly, what really happened?” he asks Kelly.

Kelly smiles. “Y/n and I were walking with P when Alex arrived a little bit hysterical to say accusations about y/n and the friendship she has with you two.”

Alex continued with her dramatic rant. “She's always trying to get close to Max too! It's like she's so fucking obsessed with both of you.”

Max stands in front of you to protect you. “Hey, hey, leave her alone Alex. She's not doing anything bad to you, is she?”

Charles nodded at Max's words. “Exactly, leave her alone, she can walk around the paddock whenever she wants.”

Alex's jaw drops. “You're defending her?”

“But of course I do, she's my best friend.” Charles said with a smile on his face.

Apparently Alex didn't like Charles's answer because she went straight to the Ferrari hospitality without saying another word to him, which is an unchildish attitude on her part. You just wanted to enjoy the weekend in the paddock, but it seems the universe had other plans for you...

***

It's been like two weeks since the Singapore GP and the start of an autumn break from racing, which meant you would spend more time with the boys... Which the three of you had already been doing, the three of you had already gone out to eat and so on, what did seem strange and weird to you was that neither Alex nor Kelly were with them, as was usual, which seemed quite strange and unusual to you...

One day the boys were in your apartment enjoying an afternoon of gossip and pastries, something typical that you usually do when you have free time, to catch up on the lives of each other.

You sighed. “Guys I have to apologize for what happened at Singapore, I mean... I know it's not my fault but I feel like it is.” you say softly.

Charles smiled shyly. “Honey it's not your fault, Alex is... Pretty dramatic, let's put it this way, but it doesn't matter, you didn't do anything wrong.” he said softly.

“Plus now you'll have us all the time because we broke up with our girlfriends!” Max said with a smile, causing you to choke (almost) on a croissant.

“What?! But how?” you said, you were speechless, I mean, you swore that Max and Kelly were going to last a lifetime because they were raising Penelope together, about Charles and Alex you kept your opinions to yourself.

Charles sighed and Max spoke.

“Well, Kelly and I were on good terms, she was quite understanding, to be honest.” he said and you looked at him. “We decided to keep them as friends because of Penelope, and that's fine!”

You smiled at Max's words. “That's very good! And you Charles? What happened between you two?” you subtly asked the Monegasque, who blushed a little and scratched the back of his neck.

“Well... In my case... Alex and I broke up because... Ugh, how do I say this...” he murmured rather timidly.

You frown. “Say what, Charlie?” you asked him softly and shyly.

He sighed again. “We broke up because... I confessed to her that I'm bi.” he said and looked at you all flustered. “And let's just say she didn't take it very well... She started screaming at me that I was just playing with her and that it was all a lie. She started saying that she was going to defame me.”

You look at him and give him a smile, is it really unexpected? Quite a bit, but maybe not that much since it's undeniable the way he sometimes looks at Max. Likewise you are happy because he is embracing his identity.

“Oh charlie, you're so brave sweetheart, I'm so proud of you!” you smiled and hugged him tightly. “It's a shame she didn't take it well... In the end, it's her loss.”

He smiled, feeling a little relaxed. “Yeah, I know. Max told me the same thing, but I'm still happy that you guys are so kind towards me.”

Max chuckled. “Don't worry, besides, you are very brave for embracing your truth.” he said while smiling and you nodded.

“Exactly Charles, you're doing the right thing!” you said.

There was a little bit of silence as you ate your delicious desserts, then Max decided to break that silence.

“So, what do you think?” he said as he looked at you and Charles at the same time.

You blushed. “What do you mean?” you asked Max.

Max smirked. “You know what I mean, beste.” (darling)

Suddenly Charles joined the fun.

“Yeah, what do you think about us, y/n?” he says while smiling.

You laughed while blushing. “I think you're both crazy... But in a good way, of course.”

“Or... Maybe we're just perfect for each other.” Charles says teasingly.

Max agrees. “Yeah, maybe.”

You smile. “We'll see...”

***

After a couple of days both you and Charles moved practically all your things to Max's penthouse, the three of you wanted to give a chance to what would be a polyamorous relationship between the three of you which excites you and scares you at the same time.

They have also told you that you have nothing to worry about since you have been friends for a long time and this is just a plus in your relationship.

You smiled while looking at Charles and Max. “I can't believe we're actually living together!”

Charles' smiles too. “I know, right? It's like a dream come true.” he said while sighing contently.

”Yeah, it's been great so far.” says Max while nodding.

You blushed at the thought of feeling so shy and nervous around them. “I'm just a little nervous about everything... But these last few days have been great!” you say softly. “Max’s penthouse has never felt so cozy!” you say in a whisper and Max rolls his eyes playfully.

Charles' hold your hand softly. “Don't be nervous. We're here for you!”

Max smiled. “Yeah, we'll help you with anything you need. Don't worry, you don't have to feel that way, we've been together several times already.” Max said very confidently.

Suddenly, Jimmy and Sassy jump up onto the kitchen counter, knocking over a bowl of cat food. You and Charles burst out laughing while Max scolds Jimmy and Sassy for jumping on the counter.

Max runs to the kitchen to scold the cats. “My god... Hey! Get down from there!”

You burst out laughing. “Oh my god, those little troublemakers!”

Charles join you in the laughter. “They're so cute... when they're not being mischievous, obviously.”

Max picked up his cats off the counter. “Come on, you two. Go to your tower, eat, I don't know, but don't break anything!”

As Max carries the cats away from the kitchen, you and Charles continue to laugh in his way of scolding and punishing his cats.

“You know, you're really good with animals.” Charles tells you with a touch of mischief in his voice.

You blushed. “Thank you charlie. I just love them! Especially Jimmy and Sassy... But when they're not tearing up the penthouse.” you giggled.

Charles smiles. “Maybe we should call you "The Cat Whisperer". Because you are very good with them.”

“Stop it!” you laughed while blushing.

Suddenly Max returns to the kitchen after having fought with Sassy and Jimmy.

“Okay, the little beasts are calm now!”

You smiled. “Good! I was starting to worry.”

Charles giggled at your concern for the cats. “You're such a caring person.”

You blush a lot, it's something you usually do, especially around those two.

“You guys are so sweet!” you giggled softly.

Max smiled. “We know, darling. That's why we love you!”

You hug them and realize that this is where your heart belongs — with your boys, no matter what people think or what they want to say, what matters is how the three of you feel about each other. And even though sometimes they are a little unbearable and all that, they are always there for you just like you are there for them.

[quickestgold]

For angsty requests: marriage on the rocks with jack abbot, contemplating divorce?

Say Something: Dr. Jack Abbot x Reader

Synopsis: A decade of falling in and out of love has turned you and Jack from lovers to strangers. But when a difficult case hits too close to home, you might finally be calling time of death on your marriage.

Warnings: Reader and Jack are both vets/doctors; Canon-typical graphic depictions of trauma/injuries; mentions of missing limbs, blood, war, ptsd, GSWs, patient death, divorce, rooftops;

Word count: 4k+

A/n: Slowly working through my requests, sorry for the long wait! But thanks so much for sending this in! Can't wait to hear your thoughts! Ngl kind of broke my heart with this one ♡

I will hold your hand. I will grow with you. I will change with you. Every day, in love and in life.

Ten years.

In and out of love. Always by each other's side. Two sides of the same coin. Combat medics. Doctors. Lovers. Friends. In that order.

But lately, a new reality has settled between you.

Strangers.

You share a bed and a space. A home. You've grown through laughter and pain. Know the other's darkness and heartache intrinsically.

Jack is the person you would survive any war with. He's your person. And you're his. Your passion runs deep, intellectually and emotionally.

You've been through hell together, but you always made it back. You used to laugh a lot, coping through humor. Most alive in high-stakes, emotionally demanding work.

You spent most of your careers overseas. Never shying away from the hard places. Always trying to help.

You can be unpredictable, the ends forever justifying the means. Walking the thin line between control and recklessness. Even for Jack's standards and he isn't exactly a man of protocol.

But sometimes you scare him. Your complete disregard for your own safety, always putting him first. The irony of course being, that he does the same for you. But before you, he never experienced a partnership like it. No one ever made him feel that whole. Completed him in a way, he can't ever find the words for.

So he made you a promise. To hold you. To grow with you. And to change with you.

Every day.

And you said yes...

But over the years, the line between your personal and your professional life has almost completely blurred.

You barely see each other outside of work. Everything feels mechanical. There's only faint traces of intimacy. Of tenderness. Just two people who've known each other for a long time. Who are slowly growing apart. Changing without the other. Not realizing they're going in separate directions.

In your heart you know it's no ones fault. No infidelity. No drama.

Just... silence.

Your shift wasn't exactly quiet before this case. But this injury, this patient, throws you off your game.

You never crack. The new interns thought Dr. Abbot was the stoic, quietly observant, fuck-standard-of-care, ED-cowboy.

Before they met you.

Unafraid to contest decisions from the higher-ups, demonstrating fearlessness in times of crisis, fudging paperwork for the sake of the patient. Always treating the person, not the protocol.

Dr. Walsh, Emery, your best friend and twisted sister in arms, always challenges you.

Your "other" person. The Cristina to your Meredith.

On occasion, she kicks Jack out of his own bed, when you need to reflect on a particularly bad case, or sometimes just to wind down with shitty reality TV. Jack would curse under his breath, but ultimately make room for the two of you. Always respecting your strong bond.

You went through residency together. Watched others drop out under the pressure. But you were never in competition, except maybe the odd healthy one.

Where she practices medicine by the book, you often improvise. But your dynamic works.

She knows you. Truly.

So when she steps into the trauma room, her words slice through the air like a sharp scalpel. The tension has built up slowly over the last two hours you've spent working on a man, who got his leg blown off handling faulty fireworks.

You're pressing into his chest, trying to force life back into his body, one beat at a time.

"Fuck no." Emery approaches the table, ready to shove you aside. "You should not be running this."

"This is not the time for you to tell me what to do, Dr. Walsh." You counter, your movements focused.

Jack is beside you, watching every step closely. His eyes flicker to Walsh's, you pretend you don't see them exchanging a look.

Your priority is the patient on your table.

Assess. Stabilize. Move upstairs.

"Third unit's in." Jesse states.

"Okay, pulse check." You order, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

Emery presses her fingers against the patient's pulse points. "No femoral. No carotid." The words make your heart drop and for a second it feels like it's you hooked up to the monitor, the flatline mirroring your failure.

You resume compressions. "We had a pulse after three packed cells", exhaling deeply with each push. "We need to get him up asap, Em." Em. Not Emery. Not Dr. Walsh. Your professional exterior clearly cracked wide open, ribs spread apart.

"We need a pulse to go to the OR. You know this." Emery hovers next to you now. You can feel her breath against your damp skin.

Jack doesn't say anything, but you get the feeling he's with Emery. His arms are crossed, his weight shifting from one leg to the other, worry written across his features. His own trauma pulling at the seams. But he doesn't let it in. He's focused on you, watching you touch your belly in a nervous tic.

The realization that this is a battle you're going to lose, dizzies you. You take a step back, hands slightly trembling, as Javadi takes over compressions. A million techniques and procedures flash through your mind.

A lifetime worth of training. Of knowledge. But nothing makes sense. Your brain starts to short-circuit.

Focus on the medicine.

"I could try a REBOA?" Santos suggests, stressing the word with dangerous confidence.

"Would that work?" Javadi cuts in, panting.

You don't look, but you feel Jack shaking his head softly, with a resigned sadness.

"Dr. Abbot, step back." Emery grabs your elbow, forceful.

You shove her with the same attitude, turning your attention back to the patient. "He's right on the edge..."

"Dr. Abbot." Emery moves to the other Abbot, willing him to say something.

Jack nods, silently reaching for your hand. The cold sensation on your clammy skin startles you. You pull your hand away, sharply. Nearly throwing him off balance.

You stare at them incredulous, their betrayal like a sharp stabbing pain in your back.

When did they team up? Against you, nonetheless.

"It's not Jack!" Emery yells without thinking, but she fears it's the only thing that can pull you back to the surface.

The flatline echoes in the distance, but you don't wait for them to call time of death.

Your mouth opens slightly, but no words come out. Gloves are ripped off with a snap, before you flee the scene. Not ready to face the consequences of your defeat.

After finishing the rest of his shift, Jack enters the home you've built together. The curtains are drawn. The lights dim. No familiar smell coming from the kitchen.

He paces through the empty hallway before he finds you in the ensuite bathroom, still washing today's trauma off. Scrubbing. Until your hands are sore. Then scrubbing some more.

"I’m not trying to fight with you." His voice is low and soft.

"Then don’t." You scoff. "Don’t take her side. She wasn’t there."

"No." Jack shakes his head in acknowledgement. "But she means well." He surprises himself by siding with his supposed mortal enemy.

"She always does this. Acting like she needs to fix me."

"Surgeons." Jack offers playfully, but you don't bite.

"I'm not her fucking patient."

Jack reaches for your hand, attempting to pull you out of your spiral.

"Fuck off." You snap. Too harshly.

"Hey." His eyes sharpen. "I can't talk to you like this."

"Yeah? That's kind of the point."

"Last I checked, this means something." He grabs your hand, bringing the delicate ring on your finger into vision. You snatch your hand away.

"The piece of metal that binds you to me? Without it you'd have run for the hills ages ago." This conversation is starting to feel more and more like a losing battle in itself. It's like you're right back in that trauma room. Fighting for someone’s future. Though this isn't quite as tangible.

Why didn't med school prepare you for this?

Jack huffs a humorless laugh. "Every day. In love and in life." He breaks eye contact. "Even when you resent me."

"No. Don't do this. You don't get to tell me, I resent you for choosing you. For years, I let you act like I'm doing this selflessly. A noble sacrifice in the name of love. Like it was your fault-"

"We both know it was." Jack's words rip through the air like a bullet. Tearing straight through your heart. Leaving you breathless, unable to speak. The air constricting, like there's a tube down your throat.

"Don't pretend it wasn't. I was sent home. You could've stayed. But you didn't and you've hated me since." There's a brutally honest edge to his confession that feels like someone's sliced you open, vultures waiting to feast on your organs.

You process for a few beats, before rediscovering your voice. Shock slowly replaced by anger.

"Don't ever say that to me again." You cross your arms, hiding your trembling hands in the safety of your embrace, the hurt palpable. "I did that for you." You say quietly, painfully aware of the throbbing ache in your chest.

"Yeah? I never fucking asked you to."

This isn't Jack. But something within him's snapped. He fears if he doesn't lay it all out on the table now, there's no chance of recovery.

Soon you'll be the one calling time of death on your marriage.

You stare at him, suddenly realizing you've exhausted all options. There's nothing more you can do. You gave it your best.

You really fucking tried.

"I wanted this. I wanted you. But I'm... tired." You hesitate. "Maybe it's time we stop trying."

Jack is silent, already anticipating where you're going, knowing you saying the words out loud will break him.

You search his eyes, only to find your own grief reflected back at you.

"People get divorced, Jack. All the time."

The weight of your words crushes him, compressing his lungs. The force on his body leaving him momentarily paralyzed.

He just blinks at you, his expression illegible.

Your eyes are locked on his, willing him to say something.

Back in control of his muscles, Jack moves to his side of the bed, silently grabbing his pillow and heading towards the door.

You furrow your brows. "What are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Jack answers, an unexpected resignation in his voice.

You groan. "I'll sleep on the couch. You stay."

Jack says your name like he's breaking the news of someone's passing to their loved ones. Crushed by a new reality, even if they're in denial.

"Are you serious?" You ask, blocking the doorway with an unwavering confidence that is usually reserved for emergencies.

Maybe this is one.

"Yeah, I'm serious. Move." His words are composed and determined, like he's not speaking as your husband, but your attending.

"You know you'll get no sleep on that thing. You'll be fucked tomorrow-" You try to reason.

"I don't need you to protect me!" He yells, too loud. The shrill tone taking you aback, making your heart race like someone's calling a code. "Stop treating me like I'm broken."

You grimace, your hand instinctively finds your belly again, your nails digging tightly into your battleworn skin.

Jack immediately retreats. "I- I'm sorry-"

Shouting is the one thing you don't do. You fight. You argue. You walk away. But you don't let anger boil over to the point of raising your voices at the other. Your therapist finds it healthy. But you both know it's from a combination of your PTSD triggers and shared trauma.

"Do me a fucking favor and sleep in our bed." You hiss, ripping the pillow from his hands and throwing it back onto the bed.

Before the next wave of pain hits you, you disappear into the bathroom to splash water on your flushed face.

Jack stands still for a moment, instant regret shooting through him. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed, burying his face in his palms.

He calls out for you again, softer.

"I'm leaving! Fuck." You stumble back into the room, face wet, eyes burning. You find him looking up at you with a sadness you've only seen once before. Your heart palpitates with sorrow. Each skipped beat a reminder of all the loss and heartbreak.

"Please." He gestures at the duvet, gently touching the empty space next to him. "Stay."

In a moment of vulnerability, you truly see your husband in front of you. Your person.

With familiar effortlessness you kneel down in front of him, your hands resting gently on his tensed thighs.

A glimpse of what was. Intimate and tender.

Your hands find his prosthetic, sliding it off with practiced ease, slowly working it out of the socket.

"You're not broken."

Your words wrap around his heart, loving and earnest, like your hands massaging his leg.

You linger in his space, staring directly into his soul. Your eyes expressing more than every language in the world.

"You're whole."

Jack’s thumb instinctively caresses your cheek. The kind of closeness you both crave deeply, but haven't found in each other in far too long.

You both slide onto the bed, silently staring up at the ceiling.

Jack turns to look at you, before softly placing his palm on your abdomen.

"Is that really what you want?" He whispers into the darkness, afraid to hear your answer.

The silence hangs heavy with the words unsaid.

You notice the awful ringing in your ears first.

It's so fucking loud.

At the same time, you can't hear anything at all. Your brain is too slow to catch up.

Jack, the other medic in your unit, - and secret fling - just handed you a cheap beer. You were eating burnt food. As usual, when you were in charge of dinner.

Why are you on the ground?

Sharp objects pierce your sunburnt skin. A cocktail of sand and ash forces its way inside your mouth and nostrils, making you gag. You gasp for air, willing the dust around you to disperse.

But a cloud of darkness blinds you. Fiery sparks and flashes shooting through the air without direction.

Then it hits you, like a second wave of explosives.

Your unit was ambushed.

Where's Jack?

You stumble to your feet, desperately looking for something to hold onto. To steady you. Rough hands suddenly grab at you, pulling you behind metal walls for cover.

Your sergeant. Shouting at you like there's no tomorrow, but you can't make out what.

He's violently shaking your shoulders, then just as quickly, he's somewhere else. You drop back against the wall with a harsh thud.

It takes all of your energy to let your head fall to one side. When you spot him. Just out of the corner of your eye.

Jack.

On the ground.

Gasping, breathing erratically, staring up at the sky, like he's waiting to become a part of it.

For a second you let your eyes dart to where he's looking.

A beautiful, peaceful sight. The world above you, blissfully unaware of the atrocities going on below.

Something brings you back. A distorted sound.

A low, agonizing cry. You don't know where it's coming from, until your eyes shoot back to Jack.

Still on the ground.

Fuck. You're trained for this.

Why is he not moving? Why aren't you?

Your eyes scan his body, your medical instincts taking over like muscle memory. Assessing.

Your gaze lands on his torso. There's no obvious trauma, your eyes move lower, towards his hips, his pelvis, down to his legs.

Then you see it. The massive gash below his right knee.

You don't think. You just react.

Don't even register your seargent shouting at you again. Your legs carrying you to Jack's side, dropping to your knees beside him.

Not as his partner, not his girlfriend.

There's barely a trace of the woman he's grown to love, only the professional, hardened combat medic.

With one goal.

Assess, stabilize, evacuate.

Your hands move on autopilot, tightening a tourniquet just below his knee. Desperate to stop the-

To stop the love of your life from bleeding out!!

Your professional demeanor cracks, your eyes suddenly dart to Jack's. His are already on you. Holding onto you like you're the anchor tying him to this life.

The tourniquet holds. Your hands find his face. Desperate to comfort him in any way you can.

You can't speak. Neither does Jack.

And you still cannot hear a thing.

Not even when muffled thuds go off. You don't acknowledge your team readying their guns. Your only focus is Jack.

Then you feel it. Not the impact, but the warm liquid instantly soaking your uniform.

Your eyes flicker to your abdomen. It doesn't register immediately.

Though when it does, the world suddenly regains volume. The sound almost deafening.

Fuck.

No Man's Land.

But it doesn't matter. Only one thing does.

Protect Jack.

You throw your body over his, shielding him from whatever's coming.

You can feel his ragged breaths against your neck, your blood leaking into his uniform. Flooding him with your warmth, while your skin grows cold.

If this is goodbye, there’s no one you’d rather be with.

Minutes pass.

The dust settles. The sounds slow. But unfortunately, so does your breathing.

It takes all of your energy to lift your head just enough to find Jack's eyes underneath you. Looking up at you with a sadness you hope to God you'll never see again.

He's scared to death. Though not for himself.

You give him a brave smile to reassure him, before dropping onto your back.

There's too much blood.

Jack's. Yours. It's all one.

If you go, he’ll follow. And vice versa.

Without wasting a second, one of Jack's arms pulls you closer, throwing his hand over your wound. Gathering all of his remaining strength to apply pressure.

To protect you.

The world around you starts to fade. Your team moves around you frantically.

But you and Jack, just lie there, still, holding each other.

Until darkness takes you.

You wake to an empty bed, made perfectly, like it wasn't slept in. You stumble into the kitchen to find your coffee and go-bag ready on the counter, the habitual gesture making you smile, before the sadness rushes back in.

Is that really what you want?

Then you notice the stick-it note attached to the fridge.

We should talk to someone.

Vague as ever.

A therapist? A lawyer? God?

A jarring ding pulls you out of your head.

You open the door swiftly, being greeted with an iced oat latte and your favorite pastries from the coffee shop across the street. A cheap attempt at a peace offering.

"Have we calmed down or are we still pouting?" Walsh's sarcastic tone echoes through the hallway.

You attempt to slam the door shut, but she beats you to it, quickly wedging her foot into the frame. You roll your eyes, hard, before making your way back into your living room. Satisfied, she accepts the invitation and follows you in.

"It wasn't your place to get involved." You state, serious, crossing your arms and sinking into your corner of the couch.

Walsh sets the coffee down next to you before placing the pastries on the bottom shelf of your fridge. Her movements are familiar, like she's done this a thousand times.

With a groan she sits down on the other end of the couch, your eyes tracking her.

"Someone had to say it." She states nonchalantly, sipping her own latte.

Sure no one else would've dared. But…

"It was still fucked up."

She sighs deeply, leaning forward to shove the cup closer to you, like the ice can melt away the betrayal. "I'm sorry."

You nod, reluctantly taking a sip of your coffee.

"I suggested a divorce." You blurt out.

Emery almost chokes on her drink, eyes wide. "You what?"

God. Her reaction somehow makes it worse.

"I just don't see a way of moving forward, Em. Something needs to change."

Emery nods.

"We were happier once, weren't we?" You ask, like a child seeking reassurance from a parent.

"I don't know." Walsh answers truthfully. "But you were sadder before him."

"Do you think I smother him?"

Emery leans in, taking your hand. "You saved each other. In more ways than one." She gives you a squeeze. "Maybe you forgot that being married is more than sharing a home."

Though you usually work night shifts now, you've agreed to take a day one, your and Jack's shifts only slightly overlapping.

Preparing for the madness to come, you find yourself on the roof of PTMC to watch the world come alive before your eyes. The first rays of sunshine spreading warmth across your skin against the cold of the night.

This is where Jack comes to process particularly bad cases. It means something to him. So it does to you too.

It didn't surprise you that Jack proposed on a roof. Not this one. He's not that morbid. It was your first apartment. But without any grand gesture. No fairy lights, cozy blankets or candlelight dinner.

It was simple.

Just two people, in love.

To be fair there was a blanket. One. And he wrapped you both in it, while you were watching the stars above. Or at least you were. Jack was gazing at something far more mesmerizing. His future flashing before his eyes, like a shooting star.

Everything that's truly ever mattered, leaning into him. Seeking comfort in the darkness, finding it in his warmth. And he in yours.

“Marry me.” He whispered it with a confidence like he already knew what you were going to say.

You only just notice you stepped under the railing, a little too close to the edge. But somehow, you get the appeal. Of how being this close to certain death makes you feel weirdly alive.

The door creaks open, you don't have to turn around to know who it is. You can hear it in his footsteps.

"I'm in your spot." You state, beating Jack to it.

"I hate it when you do this." He mutters under his breath, approaching slowly.

"Ditto." You counter with a smirk, turning your head slightly to shoot him a glance.

"If you lose balance, you go over... that’s it."

"Don’t be so dramatic." You sigh theatrically.

He shifts his weight and groans, arms clinging onto the railing. Your eyes flicker to him, as he rests his head.

Your brows furrow. "You okay?"

He lifts his head just enough to look at you. "Are you?"

You can't help but smile. He returns it with a grin, announcing his dry humor is about to make a guest appearance. "Aim for the bay, otherwise you’ll hit the roof and end up on my table."

You laugh, like you haven't in years. A reminder of before.

He huffs. "But I hope you know, if you jump, I’ll hate you forever."

"I thought you already did." You say it as a joke, but it hits a nerve. Jack's face grows serious.

You turn to fully face him. "I know it wasn't you. Yesterday. With Em."

"Yeah." He mouths, understanding. "But it took you back." A statement, not a question.

"I felt it." Your eyes begin to sting with a familiar burn. "The pain, the fear... the thought of losing you-"

"I swear we were friends." Jack interrupts, unable to shake his thoughts. You tilt your head in confusion. "Before all this. Before the pitt, the tours, coming back."

You listen, even though it really fucking hurts. Because it's true.

"Before we were lovers. Before we became strangers." He sighs deeply. “I don’t recognize us. We never run away from the hard stuff.”

A realization suddenly hits you. "I think I changed. And so did you. But we didn't.”

Your inhales deepen, both of you now breathing in perfect harmony.

Jack leans closer, tilting his head to make sure his words reach your soul. "I want this. This life. With you. I'll never stop wanting it. Even if you choose to walk away."

"I don't..." Jack's face drops, you quickly elaborate. "I don't want to leave you, Jack. My worst fear is a life without you."

Jack exhales like he wasn't breathing until now, sadness, grief and heartbreak visibly leaving his body.

You lean in too. "What if we find new ways to share it?"

Years of unresolved sadness finally come to light. Beautifully mirrored by the rising sun. Another chapter.

A new beginning.

Jack reaches for your hand. Only this time you don't pull away. You stay. And let Jack hold you. Like he promised. Like you both did.

Every day.

© quickestgold, 2025.

Taglist: @mayabbot @sus-styles @clarasmoon @ezraphalitis @ncsls0515 @melancholyy-hill lmk if you want to be added! ☼

[demonicbaby666]

Dom Emily prentiss x intern fem reader is all i ask!! Smutty ofc, a lil bit of a humiliation kink if you’re comfortable!!! Thank yewww

Packing Heat

One shot | Criminal Minds Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x fem!Reader

Genre: Smut

Words: 4.8k+

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, strap-ons (r!receiving), semi-public sex (office sex, again…), praise, degradation, mommy kink, kind of dub-con at one point, top!Emily, bottom!reader

Summary: Interning at the BAU means you don’t interact with the person in charge a lot. Of course, this doesn’t mean you haven’t seen the section chief in passing or exchanged pleasantries; it's that they’re simple, short-lived and often anti-climatic. However one evening, you find yourself in the desolate office with no chance of going home, work to be done, but no one to sit with you through the process. With only one other soul residing on the sixth floor, it seems Emily may be your best bet for company.

A/n: Listen, could she be more dom? Yes. Is there any humiliation? Not really... But I got lost while writing, so please don't be mad at me... Hope you still enjoy!

When you'd first started at the BAU, it was safe to say you hadn't seen much of the woman calling the shots. There were always updates about when the team were taken out of state, what their cases would entail, the steady progress being made, and the brief comical encounters Garcia spewed around the office. When they were back, everyone made an effort to small talk. They welcomed you well and continued to appreciate the little things you did for them daily. Emily, however, was constantly on the go, meaning every encounter you'd had with her consisted of one-way glances and hopeful smiles in the event she decided to notice her surroundings and the human lifeform less than two metres away. 

She never did, though, until one uneventful evening. 

Almost everyone had vacated the building. The only remaining souls left on the sixth floor were you, Emily, and a one-person cleaning crew—whom you watched exit through glass doors before approaching the brunette's office with shaky knees. Peeking through the window, you saw her attention dart to and from the bright computer screen to the mountains of bureaucratic paperwork lying atop her desk. It was easy to get lost in the little creases between her eyebrows, brought out by the deep scowl she wore, the delicate way her fingers were woven together, and the pads of her thumbs skirting against one another as she pondered in deep thought. 

It was nearing eight, and you were struggling to understand how someone could appear so put together at this late hour, given that their day was most certainly jam-packed with non-stop slog. 

Emily's eyes suddenly flashed up. She squinted toward her door, trying to figure out who'd be here this late other than herself. When she appeared to have worked it out, she leaned back victoriously in her chair, a smug smile on her face, when she called out, "Are you going to stand out there all night?" 

You could have done two things: scurried off like a teenager caught peeping or held your chin up high and walked into the older woman's office with little to no shame. Somehow, you managed to do a mix of both, scurrying in with sagging shoulders, a guilty smile plastered on your face and trembling hands clasping your laptop over your chest.

"Well, it's eerily quiet out there, and I would go home to write this paper. It's just that my roommate and her boyfriend have an awful tendency to forget about volume control when they're—" You cut yourself off, realising it probably wasn't appropriate to talk to your boss about your roommate's over-the-top borderline pornographic soundscape. "I was wondering if I could, you know."

Emily, satirising as ever, waited with a raised eyebrow and a relaxed smile for you to continue your purposefully unfinished question. 

"Sorry, I should let you work." You surrendered to your weak resolve with flushed cheeks and began to turn around.

"Sit," she ordered before you had fully turned back around to the door, nodding to the available chair on the other side of her desk. Her eyes followed your journey to the seat, watching as you placed your laptop down and opened it with shaky fingers. Satisfied, she turned her attention back to her work. "I could do with some company." 

The following silence, starting as unsettling and stagnant, blossomed into something warm and comfortable. There were occasional glances thrown your way and vice versa. Their acknowledgement and appreciation were shown in the form of timid smiles on your end and double takes followed by teasing smirks on Emily's. 

When half an hour had passed, your shoulders had finally relaxed, your fingers had stopped their infernal twitching, and your paper neared its completion. There was a proud smile cresting, and you were trying to prevent it from forming, knowing how dorkish it made you look. But you knew there was no hope when your cheeks ached and your jaw locked. You granted yourself the freedom to display your gloating smile. 

Just as expected, Emily had a questioning look on her face when you dared to look up from the document. There was a playfulness to the upward quirk of her lips - the superiority of a predator knowing the power they have over their prey, ready to prove it at any given moment. 

"I've almost finished," you timidly admitted, feeling obligated to explain as heat infiltrated your jutted-out cheeks. 

Without a second thought, the ravenette stood up and made her way around the desk. She could have easily chosen to turn the laptop around. Instead, she took the far more intimate route. 

Soft curves grazed your shoulder blades, causing you to shiver. The weight finally settled, soft padding pressed flat against your back as Emily read your paper, and suddenly, your stomach had worked itself into looping knots, and your heart was racing. 

The struggle continued as you fought not to fidget, if only to alleviate the growing tension mounting between your thighs. This was only made worse when Emily's right hand left the back of your chair to drop down over your shoulder and land comfortably on your thigh. 

"Such a smart girl," she whispered sultrily into the shell of your ear, squeezing generous flesh between her fingers. 

With a scrambled brain, there was little fight to be put up against the meek whimper that crackled against the constricted lining of your throat. Subconsciously, your thighs tensed, and your pussy fluttered as you were reminded how close Emily's hand was to where you could only dream she'd touch. 

You'd thought you imagined it—the subtle shift in the room from breezy and light to torrid and all-consuming, but with Emily's fingers veering off course, inching higher and higher, reality came crashing down. 

"Thank you," you struggled to get the words out, and when they did come out, they were tremulous and feeble. 

Turning to look at her may have, in hindsight, been a mistake because where her gaze should have been fixed on the laptop screen, it was glued to your lips. Unexpectedly, your stomach flipped, and you felt dizzy. She was still superbly perfect up close, skin smooth like silk, cheekbones sharp as a razor, and lips cut from velvet. It was too close, dangerously so, you had to look away. Outside the window, you spotted a swarm of birds barely visible against the night sky. You ignored the clanking of your heart as you focussed on their synchronicity, watching them circle each other until they became one big blur of messy movements. 

The hand resting on the leather backing of your chair rose, skirting up and over your neck, until a firm grip was established around your dangling ponytail. She was gentle when she tugged, aware that though she wanted to educate you in the art of being owned, you were delicate.

"I think a pretty thing like you deserves a reward," she baited. "Don't you?" 

Her grip on you may have been physical. However, a stronger pull was coming from deep within you, an unimportant piece of scrap metal drawn in by a powerful magnet. It was useless to deny her. The mesmerising glow of her chocolate eyes and the promise of being made to feel special was too powerful. So, you nodded slowly but eagerly, desire painting your eyes dark shades of lust. 

"That's a good girl." 

Emily didn't miss how you preened at the praise and safely stored that information away for further use. She shifted to your side, hands migrating to the small of your waist, guiding you to your feet. The act of it was far gentler than you'd expected, like a gentleman asking a maiden to dance, sweeping her off her feet to whisk her away into a fairytale land filled with magic and romance. 

Certain the benign treatment would be short-lived, you granted yourself the leniency to enjoy it whilst it lasted, refusing to get too caught up in the dull ache between your legs that craved the form of savagery Emily displayed in the field. 

There was nothing short of passion in how she worked. It drove you crazy. As wrong as it felt, you couldn't help but envy the dirtbag the team was working to catch because you saw how badly the brunette wanted them. The look in her eyes, gratification and disgust all at once, when she'd achieved what she set out to do and was staring the devil right in the face - it made your heart race, your palms sweat and your cunt throb. 

The memory kickstarted what could only be described as a brutal attack upon the older woman's lips. To her credit, Emily indulged the outburst for a lot longer than you'd have thought. As if she'd expected it, she quickly responded, pulling you into her body and tilting her head to the side to deepen the kiss. The lead was stolen promptly from your grasp when Emily wedged a leg between your thighs, backed you up against her desk and tactically slid her tongue into your gaped mouth. You would have gasped if not for the fact you were immediately indulged in the minty taste of your boss's tongue skirting over the roof of your mouth. So much so that you scarcely noticed the pressure coming from your core was no longer just a phantom need manifested but taut clothed muscle pressing you further and further into the sharp wooden edge of the desk. 

"Emily," you breathily moaned, pulling back and separating your kiss-swollen lips from the brunette's. Ordinarily, you wouldn't have allowed what happened next to occur, but this was Emily, after all, the BAU section chief, and if you were to let anyone order you about, it would be her. 

She backed away from you with a final nip to your bottom lip, letting it go with a pop, and you fought the urge to reach out and pull her back to you. You knew you'd already tried to take things into your own hands once, and doing so again may undermine any chances you had of keeping the ball rolling on tonight's affairs. 

You could feel the tight pull of your ponytail and all the places where hair had been lead array from the confines of your hairband, and it truly dawned on you how out of sorts you must have appeared. Tracing your fingers over your lips, you could make out how swollen they were - puffy and hot, yet desperate and pouted, begging for more. Your breathing was laboured, filling the room's silence, and your shirt suddenly felt too tight as your chest expanded with each intake of oxygen. It almost came as a relief when Emily opened her mouth to finally speak until you heard what she'd said.

"Take your clothes off," she mindlessly ordered, walking around to her chair and sitting back in it. Her eager eyes trained over your body with the faintest shimmer of mirth. 

Initially, it was a shock. Of course, it was. You were in an official government building, personnel still sparsely spread throughout, and a goddess of a woman was asking you to bare yourself to her. 

For the longest time, revealing your body to someone always felt like giving up something. Perhaps some kind of purity. The moment you gave it up, it bred only guilt and shame that twisted and pulled at the pit of your stomach until you felt sick. You stood there, waiting for that feeling to come. It never did. 

Remaining still, your body pulsed not with nerves but with exhilaration and anticipation. It took a few seconds to realise this was precisely what you wanted. You wanted to give this false sense of purity away. There was not a sudden influx of courage soaring through every living cell of your body. However, there was enough for you to put on a front and do as you were told. 

"Slowly." Emily sat further back and placed her elbows neatly over the arms of her chair. She laced her fingers together, offered you an encouraging nod, and then was back to watching you raptly.

Feeling like a glutton, you followed a path of desire and heeded Emily's request, fingers increasingly fumbling over each button of your shirt. 

"So obedient." And in no way was it said negatively; the adulatory smile she gave you only sought to prove that further. 

The way she looked at you made you feel as though you were already naked. Maybe that was why it was so easy to get lost in the subtlety of undressing. It was art, and you were a performer. That's what you told yourself. And for the most part, it worked. 

With closed eyes, you trailed your fingers over your shoulders, letting your shirt drop to the floor. The AC raised goosebumps over your chest, pebbled your nipples under your plain bra, and you smiled. You smiled because this was the most alive you had felt in months. The thrill of moving on to your slacks and deftly unclasping your belt felt like being on a rollercoaster, like missing a step and laughing fear in the face afterwards. You felt utterly fearless. 

In the back of your mind, you could sense Emily's eyes still on you. You could hear her moving around but didn't think to check her reaction. You were in your element, and far be it for a look of appraisal, or lack of, to stop you. That was until your trousers hit the carpet with a soft thud, and a sharp breath was heard from across you. 

Your eyes snapped open, and you found Emily's smile was absent. The brunette now had her bottom lip trapped between her teeth as she looked you up and down, knuckles white from her deadly grip over the armrests. 

She lifted a hand, palm facing the ceiling as her index and middle finger crooked. "Come here so I can get a proper look at you," she said, slightly breathless. 

The desk had conveniently covered the lower half of Emily's body, which meant that when you circled around and came to stand next to her, you could see exactly what the earlier ruffling had been about. 

"Is that?" You froze, both shocked and utterly intrigued by the thick black dildo jutting out from the older woman's opened slacks. 

She didn't need you to finish the question, already nodding as she followed your line of sight. Leaning forward with an outstretched arm, Emily coiled her fingers around your wrist and pulled you forward, causing you to almost stumble over your own feet. At this closer distance, you could tell the faux cock would give you a run for your money. It was thicker than anything you had taken before, though that was not a hard trophy to earn, given that the most you had let anyone put inside you was three fingers. 

"Do you want to come sit on mommy's lap?" Emily asked with a tilt of her head. 

She didn't miss how your breath caught in your throat, how you seemed to stop blinking, stop moving, stop existing.

"Are you scared?" the lioness asked, sights set on her prized fawn. 

You shook your head and placed one foot in front of the other, eyes downcast as you took in the size of Emily's additional appendage. The shake of your jaw gave you away. 

"I don't like being lied to," she snapped, eyes dimming to an even darker shade of brown. 

She pulled you in by your waist and sat you on her lap, cock brushing over the thin material of your underwear. Instinctively, you wedged your bottom lip between your teeth to quiet yourself. But Emily wasn't having any of it. Her thumb came to your captive lip, where she helped release it with a soft flick. 

The smooth texture of Emily's cock through your sodden panties was a needed relief. Its head purposefully pressing against your sensitive bundle of nerves evoked a flurry of shivers to run down your spine. And with nothing holding you back, you moaned in gratitude. 

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Emily smirked, watching you rut against her. 

"Yes," you uttered, breath caught in your throat. 

Happy to watch, Emily relaxed her shoulders and leaned back, enjoying the show you were putting on for her. Only when she recognised the tell-tell signs of frustration wash over your features, from your creased brow to the bite of your lip between your teeth, did a sick smirk lick the edges of her lips. With a mischievous glint shining in her eyes, the older woman shifted her position, pointedly ignoring the sound it pulled from you. 

"Something wrong?" she asked with a hitch of one eyebrow, adamant to appear oblivious. 

You gave no reply, only held tight to her shoulders in defiance and continually ground down on her, trying so hard to pleasure yourself to no avail that your eyes began to sting with the emergence of tears. 

With sweat threatening to spill down the side of your face, the tension between your legs starting to ache, and your release nowhere near in sight, you threw your head back with a sigh and whispered a quiet 'please' to the ceiling.

"Please what?" Came the dull reply, tone bored, unamused, unimpressed.  

You tried to impale yourself, failing as strong hands held you down. It was driving you crazy—pleasure being so close yet so far. 

With one hand removed from your hip, Emily gripped your jaw and turned your attention solely to her stern gaze, "Are you going to stop being a brat and tell me what you want?" 

When no answer came, she let go, jerking your head back as if disgusted with the lack of compliance. 

"Get up." 

Ice, you were made of ice. Sat still, shocked, speechless and slightly mortified. 

"Do I need to repeat myself?" Emily's voice was no longer flat; it was not roaring either. Instead, it was layered, resembling the same barbed tone a teacher might use with a disobedient student. It was enough of a motivator to get you to rise to your feet. 

Following you closely, the older woman, too, rose to her full height, hands meticulously reaching behind your back to expertly relieve you of your bra. Never once did she look you in the eye. 

With the same callous approach, you were turned and pressed against the desk, papers sticking to your heated chest. Emily was quick to loop her fingers through the hem of your underwear and slip them down your thighs, allowing gravity to do the rest. 

The full-bodied presence behind you lessened, and you took it as the opportune moment to glance back. 

The brunette had let her trousers drop to the floor, allowing you to see how her porcelain skin was directly contrasted by the black leather of her strap-on. Unlike yourself, she did not appear nervous or afraid. As she kicked the tailored pants aside and met your gaze, you realised how in control she was. 

Her gaze moved down your body, hands running down your back, until finally, she pressed herself against you and lowered her body atop yours. 

"I can feel how wet you are," she teased, running two fingers through the mess between your legs. "Are you always this wet?" 

"Emily, please," you begged. 

"I asked before, please what?" She raked five fingers down your side, moving them back up till they wound tightly in your hair and gripped your neck to an uncomfortable arch. Two fingers pushed inside you but did no more than that, remaining still as stone. "If you're going to be a baby and refuse to tell me what you want, you'll get nothing." 

"Fuck me!" You no longer had the sound of mind to acknowledge shouting something vulgar could attract attention. Logic had evaded you, allowing you to play right into your boss's hands. "Please just fuck me."

Sliding her slick fingers out of you, she proudly stated, "That wasn't hard, was it?"

If the older woman wanted an answer, she did not allow for one. In one fluid motion, she rose from over you and snapped her hips forward, sheathing the entire length of her cock into your cunt. Your breath caught in your throat, resulting in a strained groan tumbling out of your open mouth. The pit of your stomach dropped, and try as you might have not to clench around the toy inside you, you did precisely that. 

It was new, the foreign feeling of being filled so fully that one slight move would summon pleasure that sent shivers through your whole body. It wasn't unwelcome, especially when Emily started to move, and heat engulfed your entire body. Her pace was languid, allowing you to feel each slide of her cock along your slick walls, how each push of her hips ended in the tip hitting the spot within you to cause the furling in your stomach to expand tenfold. It was all you could do not to scream when the push and pull and Emily's hips moved with more purpose, jerking your body into the edge of her desk. 

"I've barely started, and you're already dripping down your thighs." Her voice was laced with mirth, finger smearing your mess as if to prove an unnecessary point that had your cheeks burning up. "How long have you been thinking about this?" Emily finished her question with an arduous thrust. "How many times have you sunk your fingers into your pussy and thought of me?" 

The questions continued, each hitting the nail right on the head. Your cheeks were scorched with the embarrassment that comes with having your desires known and exposed, but it did not take hold of your conscience as the event of falling in front of a large crowd might have. It was comparable to how a blushing maiden may feel when caught by a suitor in only their undergarments. It excited that small part of you that gave in to demoralisation and encouraged you enough to meet Emily halfway as she thrust into you. 

As your pleasure mounted, the need for more grew. Your clit, swollen and needy, begged for relief, and you beckoned to its call, sliding one hand from above your head to the juncture between your legs. It was when the tips of your fingers brushed against your sensitive pearl and you gained the briefest taste of the euphoria that Emily removed her hand from your thigh and snatched your hand away, halting all movement. 

You could have cried, having everything, then nothing, so quickly. 

"Did I say you could do that?" 

Abruptly pulling out, Emily stood tall and proud, staring down at you with curiosity and disappointment lining the brown of her eyes. She heard you whimper and acknowledged your sniffle. 

"There's no need to cry," she tutted, flipping you onto your back and lifting you by your shoulders. "You're going to listen to me from now on." 

You nodded, and she once again lined her cock to your opening, only now she waited, taunting you with possibilities. 

"Beg," she instructed. 

And you heeded. 

"Please. I need you." 

"You can do better." She sounded bored, and this struck a nerve within you, one that begged you to impress her, show her you could be a good little girl, and beg as though your life depended on it. 

You took a heaving breath and looked into Emily's eyes, sporting your best puppy eyes. "I need you. I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me with your big cock, mommy. Make me scream out your name. I need it." 

"There's a good pet," she cooed, mesmerising you with the bating of her lashes as she looked down to where your bodies were so close to touching. 

It all happened in a blur. The next thing you knew, your nails were digging into muscled shoulders, legs wrapping around a slim waist as the brunette filled you, wasting no time in picking up a brutal tempo. You barely recognised the sound of your voice as high-pitched obscenities spilt past your lips. You felt your whole body light up, heard blood pulse in your ears, and saw in real-time just how easy it was to aid Emily in calling upon your impending orgasm. 

Your vulgar mouth, luckily, seemed to amuse Emily enough for her to let you continue rutting your hips against her. The corners of her lips curled, and her smirk lasted only so long for you to see before she inched forward and kissed you with passion and hunger. It was easy, so easy, to melt into the brief moment of intimacy. The butterflies felt tangible, and the sparks crackled in your ears; it felt so fucking good you'd almost forgotten just where you were. Of course, bubbles eventually popped, and this one was demolished by rustling outside Emily's office. 

What little movement Emily allowed, her hands holding you firmly against the desk by your waist, was not enough to wriggle free and glance behind to see what was happening. Instead, the possibility of being caught weighed heavier with each drawled-out second. 

"Emily," You tried but were cut off by a tongue sliding into your mouth. "Emily, stop."

With a bite to your lip, the older woman backed off, confusion marking her features, "What is it?" she punctuated her question with a hard thrust. 

"Someone's o-" another hard thrust. "Someone's outside."

Emily smiled, picking up her pace, forcing you to breathe so deep you felt your lungs expand. 

"You'd better be quiet then." 

Whatever protest you were about to give died in your throat when nails skirted up to your chest and dug painfully into your breast, and Emily pushed herself so deep within you that you felt her hitting your cervix. A strangled cry was briefly heard before you managed to clasp your hand over your lips and silence your own mewls. She was fucking you as if her life depended on getting a reaction out of you that would draw attention. Nevertheless, you held firm and stayed as quiet as your muffled sobs would allow you to be. 

"Emily, please," you were pleading for release and for the brutal fucking stop because you knew there would be no chance you could keep a lid on your volume; there would also be no chance you would survive not cumming. 

Taking note of this, the older woman took the route of giving you your release, dragging a thumb down over your clit and applying the right amount of pressure to have your tense legs turn into a shaky mess of tremors. She didn't stop there; with a brief slide, she ran your slick over your bundle of nerves and started to circle steadily. 

"Fuck!" You screamed out, missing the way the ruffling outside suddenly stopped. "I'm cumming. I'm cumming." 

"That's it," the brunette encouraged, her fingers coming up to crook and tangle through the mussed mess of your hair, nails slowly working against your scalp. "Let everyone hear what a slut you are, letting me fuck you over my desk." 

She didn't stop, though, not when your clit felt raw and your pussy tender, not when you begged and not even when you reached out and tried to grab her wrist. Emily only yanked you down by your hair, relishing the thud the brutal move made. She fucked you harder till stationary fell to the floor from your thrashing arms, and by then, her lips were already wrapped around a nipple, sucking firm whilst you cried through a second orgasm. 

When you finally felt empty, you didn't even try to open your eyes. You knew your vision would be blurred if not blacked out. Instead, you focussed on coming back down to earth, steading your breath and not thinking about how you strangely missed being filled by Emily despite being so fucking sore. 

"Are you still alive?" a smug voice asked from above, and you pried your bleary eyes open to weakly smile. 

"I think so," you whispered, peeling your sweat-slick back from the desk. That was when you remembered the unknown personnel outside and shot a look at the door. 

"They're gone," Emily said, cupping your chin and turning you back to her. Again, you were greeted by that conniving smirk. "After your commentary, I think they understood we didn't want to be disturbed." 

"But-" 

"Uh-uh." she silenced you with a finger to your lips, the smell of yourself still narrowly fragrant. You took the digit into your mouth, patting yourself on the back as you watched Emily's eyes turn dark. "You want to make Mommy feel good now, don't you?" She knew the answer, but oh, how she loved to watch you sink to your knees and eagerly nod anyway. You helped unclasp the straps of her harness, then set to pealing the last barrier keeping you from her heat down her legs. 

"My good little pet," she said, smiling down at you and happily watching you beam. Her hand cupped your jaw before moving to the back of your neck, where she pulled you to her core and began singing a melody of moans. 

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[thealteredaltar]

Pick-A-Pile Tarot Reading: Messages from Aphrodite ❤️

Welcome to the first Tarot reading on my blog! Today, we are going to see what Aphrodite has to say to you. And don’t think that because you are getting a message from the goddess of love that it will necessarily be about love. It might be but it could also be about anything she thinks she needs to draw your attention to. So, pick the pile you feel most drawn to and see what messages she wants to give you.

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

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Pile 1

Ten of Swords (reversed) /// Four of Cups (reversed) /// Four of Pentacles /// Two of Pentacles

I’m feeling a lot of emotion immediately from this pile. I want to give you a hug and so does Aphrodite. I can feel her embracing you right now. You have been through some difficult times lately and part of that has been because of your mindset. You were extra hard on yourself and stuck in negative thinking. But, don’t beat yourself up for that, too! It happens. I also think you were feeling stuck on certain things that happened in the past that you could not change. You had a really hard time letting a particular disappointment go. This feels like it was relationship-oriented. Maybe a friendship that went sour or romantic situation that did not go as expected. It really wounded you and closed you off for a while.

This also made you feel like a mess and could have even made a mess of your life. Maybe someone who hurt you emotionally also screwed you over financially/professionally? Either that or you have just been feeling very financially restricted lately, which only made your emotional matters worse. In any case, you are absolutely turning things around. Aphrodite wants you to know that not only is your life on the upswing but you are feeling more secure and stable within yourself. Maybe you needed to see that, no matter who or what you lose, you will always have yourself. I feel like you have been loving yourself more or you’re on your way to doing so. This is definitely something that pleases Aphrodite! Even if things aren’t where you really want them to be financially right now, that’s not the point. In fact, the whole point of this cycle may be to find value and security in things outside of your finances or what you achieve. Getting your act together is not just a practical thing. It’s an emotional and internal process, as well. (There is also a message here to try something new in terms of income or to experiment with a side hustle. You need to change up your approach to moneymaking in some way now to see results)

Pile 2

Nine of Wands (reversed) /// Two of Wands /// Eight of Cups /// Queen of Swords

Whew, okay. The message here is loud and clear. This is definitely love-related and I think it is about someone that you have left in the past. Well, you have left them in the past but I don’t think they have let go of you. This may be a situation where you still feel them pulling on your energy a lot. It is definitely giving “soul connection”, however you may label or define that. But, Aphrodite is saying that these soul connections do not always necessarily have to work out. Sometimes, it is the person you’re meant to be with. Sometimes, the point of the connection is to serve as a learning experience. Maybe you learned all you could from this situation. You saw not only the need to walk away from this person but the patterns you need to leave behind, as well, through whatever past choices you made here.

Ultimately, you know what is best for you. Aphrodite is urging you to think clearly and tap into your Queen of Swords side. Do not easily give into sentiment here or even the idea that you and this person are destined to be together. I feel like most of you have already processed this and are over it. But, your person, however, is not. They keep hanging on while you have let go. A key message here from Aphrodite is that if someone only makes themselves available after you are no longer available, and after they have had more than enough time to step up and change, they probably aren’t the one for you. A bit of affectionate tough love from the goddess here. But, she is very truthful when it comes to these matters. She wants you to be truthful with yourself. Don’t settle for less! The crazy thing is that I get this visual of you running after this person and them heading in the opposite direction. Now that you’re going in an opposite direction, they’re running after you. And no, sorry, I am not referencing “chaser-runner” energy. I personally don’t like that. Some of you may believe in that but please recognize how toxic that can be. Even if you give this person one more chance, there’s a possibility that they may, once again, run off or shut down now that you want them again. You have free will. The choice is yours. Just make sure you are choosing what you really deserve.

Pile 3

Three of Wands (reversed) /// The Star /// The Wheel of Fortune /// Nine of Pentacles (reversed)

It seems like you are feeling really frustrated right now. “Stagnant” is the word. It is like you can picture such a bright future for yourself and so many possibilities but you’re still very much stuck where you are. For a lot of you, this has to do with moving somewhere new, like a new city or even country. Specifically, I get the sense that you may be living somewhere because it is necessary on a practical level. You might be living with one or both of your parents or just in an uncomfortable situation that is affordable and hard to get out of. Your relationship with whoever you’re living with could be toxic. If they are a relative or friend, you may not feel too appreciated or loved by them. Aphrodite wants you to know that you can turn to her at any time for that affection you need. She loves you and I sense that some of you may work with her or be connected to her. If not, this may be the sign you need to build a bond with her because she could be a really helpful guide to you.

If no one is making you feel special or seen right now, she wants you to know that you are special and she sees you. She is also saying that everything is going to be alright. You are just in your “winter season” at the moment. But, “spring” is on its way for you! Things are going to start changing very soon. What will accelerate this process will be your confidence. Have confidence in yourself, your abilities and your future. I can sense you probably are naturally confident but this current circumstance has chipped away at it somewhat. Aphrodite is recommending you do some affirmations in the mirror to feel better and improve your outlook. You will not be stuck here forever, whether that “here” is a mentality or physical place. Many of you may also be struggling financially or not as independent as you’d like to be (especially if you are living at home). Know that this does not define you and you have plenty of things to feel confident about. I think many of you have some sort of creative talent or spiritual gift you want to share with the public and are feeling held back, either by limited resources or your own doubts. Just know that this endeavor will pay off; in a major way, for many of you. It may even be the thing that gets you out of this rut. But, in order to accomplish this, you have to believe in yourself. And when you’re struggling with that, turn to spirituality or to guides like Aphrodite for help.

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