#sirius black fan fic

[cosmal]

also!!! sirius giving shy!you your first hickey 😵‍💫 he’s so gentle at first, but once you start making noises and gasping he gets a tad bit rough. he ends up accidentally leaving a bright purple mark on your neck that doesn’t go away for days. unfortunately james and remus see it and the teasing is relentless

marked up

mal i love u this request is amazing.

summary — sirius gives you a hickey. james and remus think it’s amusing.

content — sirius black x fem!reader, hickies, shy!reader

Sirius has his face in your neck and he’s been home for a solid five minutes.

You’re in his bed and he’s on top of you. His hip over your stomach, an arm across your chest that’s curled up behind your ear to hold your face back.

“Is that,” he mumbles, smattering quick, wet kisses over your skin. He breathes in, “is that a new perfume?”

You angle your head upwards to escape his relentless mouth, face towards the ceiling. You can feel the beginnings of shy laughter bubble low in your chest.

“Yeah,” you say a little breathless, a lot distracted. “Yeah, you bought it.”

He nudges the patch of skin under your jaw. “Did I?”

He’s so close to your sweet spot you feel like you can’t breathe. Your chest stutters when he finds it and all you can do is hum what you hope sounds like a yes.

Sirius sets a cruel path across your neck, nipping and nudging. You think you have an idea on what he’s about to do. Your hands tighten in their grip where you have them in his dress shirt. He still smells like work.

He opens his mouth and the pressure is barely there. You’ve gone quiet and Sirius notices. “How was your day, lovely?”

You bite your lip. “Uh—“ This close you worry Sirius can feel the thumping of your heart under your skin. You breathe deeply to contain it and pretend he doesn’t know how nervous you are just from how warm you’ve gotten. “It was— it was okay.”

“Yeah?”

You don’t continue. His lips part and you shiver instead. He’s slow and gentle at first, though you suspect it’s only the beginning. The pressure builds and your neck feels warm.

“Sirius,” you gasp. He grunts into your neck.

His teeth graze your skin and your hands reach up to tug at his hair as rough as you can allow yourself to. You think how at the beginning of your relationship you would’ve had a flustered fit if you had your boyfriend this close to your neck. Now you’re pulling him closer.

He bites down gently and you get a little gaspy. Pawing at the soft material at his shirt. Sirius would continue if he had it in him. If he hears your little whimpers any longer he might implode. He grunts a pleased laugh and pulls back with a wet smack.

He leans on his elbow, bringing a hand up to your neck. Pressing his thumb into the damp spot, he coos.

“Pretty,” he says absentmindedly.

Your hands fly to your neck. “Is that gonna leave a spot?”

Sirius chuckles, smoothing over the bullied skin gently, “Yeah, lovely.”

You cover your warming face with your hands and nudge his leg with a socked foot. “Sirius,” you whine, “really?”

He leans down to pry your hands away, you let him, not too willingly you might add, when he puckers his lips for a kiss. “Yes, really,” he grins. “It’ll look good.”

“Everyone’ll see it.”

“That’s the whole point!” he snorts. You can’t look him in the face.

“Remus is gonna have a field day.”

-

Remus does have a field day. So does James.

“Y/N, lovely,” James gasps when they find you on Sirius’ couch later that night.

“James…” you murmur, confused.

“What is that?”

He points at your neck and you feign obliviousness. “What?”

“On your neck…” Remus supplies. Smarmy.

“Boys….” You hear Sirius warn. A low grumble from the kitchen.

“Oh, um—” You hide your warming face behind a cushion.

“You’ve been mauled!” James says when he gets closer.

“Should we call someone?” Remus adds. Both their eyes glisten with mirth as they eye each other over the sofa. You’d whack them both if you hadn’t sunk into the couch.

“Ambulance?” James gawks, “The police? Was it Sirius?”

Remus goes to poke it. You swat his hand away with a confidence you barely have. “Stop it! Leave me alone or I’ll kick you both out.”

James snorts as he throws himself into the seat next to you. “You get marked up once and you think you can throw us out of our best mate’s flat!”

Remus looks amused as he sits down as well. “Marked up? She’s been attacked.” You roll your eyes. The mark is tiny. Barely there. You’re surprised they can even see it under the lack of lighting in Sirius’s flat.

“Aw, do you want one too, Prongs?” Sirius teases, making grabby hands at James.

He stands from his seat. “Don’t touch me!”

“C’mere,” Sirius laughs.

“No!”

Sirius chases a roaring James around the house while you and Remus sit back and hold back bouts of laughter. You forget about the hickey almost immediately.

That is until later that night in bed with Sirius when he murmurs how you’re all his until he falls asleep.

[myfictionaldreams]

Day 22: Size Difference - James/Sirius

Kinktober Day 22: Size Difference - James/Sirius x f!reader

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, dom/sub, threesome, size kink, size difference, teasing, James/Sirius being meanies, slight degradation, oral (m receiving), stretch, belly bulge, throat bulge, overstimulated, intense orgasm, cum swallowing, spanking, nicknames, no use of y/n

my main masterlist 📚 // kinktober masterlist😈 // AO3 Link 

“You’re both being meanies” your lips were shaped into a pout as you stared up with wide eyes at the two men on either side of your bed.

“We’re only pointing out the obvious, babe. I mean just look at you, you hardly reach our shoulders when you’re stood, you’re just so tiny” Sirius teased, smirking down at your petite form.

“No I'm not” was all you could think of to reply, not even aware how childish you sounded, arms folded across your naked chest.

“Hmmm, I’m not sure I’m liking that attitude of yours,” Sirius's hand was gripping your cheeks before you could move away, “what did we say about being a brat?”

Your body heated at his stern look, “being a brat is for babies” your voice lowered in tone, losing all confidence that you had just had, not wanting to be punished today.

“Exactly, so enough of the sass” he pushed your head back into the bed before releasing his grip. “I mean how can you even say you aren’t tiny when our cocks are nearly the length of your forearm baby”.

You looked away at this fact, knowing it was true, hating that they were picking on you for something you couldn’t help.

“Awww, are you getting embarrassed? Padfoot you’re embarrassing her” James joined in with the teasing, his face falling into your eye line.

As Sirius replied, he moved to kneel between your legs, “not my fault she’s so little, I mean just look at her Prongs, my cock goes all the way up to her stomach.” You didn’t even need to look down to see what he was doing between your legs as you felt the weight of his heavy cock resting against your mound, past your belly button.

Again you felt heat rising to your cheeks, leaning on your forearms to try and shift away from him but Sirius reached out, holding onto your wrists keeping you underneath him. “None of that sweetheart, I just don’t think I’m going to fit that’s all”.

You huff and roll your eyes, trying not to glance across at James as he moved to stand next to your head. “You think you’re not going to fit Padfoot? What about me? How am I supposed to fit in this sassy little mouth” his fingers gripped your cheek until they were pushed together and aching and your wriggling around did nothing to ease the grip.

“I can fit you, please let me try” you began pleading, wanting their teasing of your tiny body to be over, just wanting them to touch you in your favourite places.

James smirked down at you, displaying the beautiful dimple on his cheek before looking up at his friend and nodding. With one boy grabbing your ankles and the other holding onto your wrists, they were easily able to turn you horizontally across the bed so that your head now hung off of the edge, the same with your legs.

You were hardly given a second to comprehend the position change before Sirius was hiking up your legs, leaving your feet placed against his lean shoulders as he pressed the tip of his cock into your soaking pussy.

“Ah!” was all you could muster your overwhelmed brain to say, leaning up to stare at his thick veiny cock slowly disappearing, eyebrows knitting together from the intense stretch you were experiencing, a mixture of both pleasure and pain.

Before you could react any further, a strong hand pulled your head back over the edge of the bed, your mouth automatically falling open to moan at the sensation between your legs, giving James the perfect opportunity to tilt his cock into your mouth.

They both inched in slowly, you were silently thankful for this, giving your body the opportunity to at least try and adjust to both of them. Your pussy couldn’t even fully squeeze around Sirius’s cock, it feeling like it was being stretched to the most it's ever been, even though you had been fucked by the marauder on countless occasions. And with your mouth, you were able to try and open it as far as you could but it was all about relaxing your throat muscles, they had trained you enough for this and now thankfully you could take them both to perfection.

Sirius groaned as his heavy member lay inside your centre, feeling like it was moving all the way through your stomach and with the way he was poking your abdomen with his hand, you knew he could see the bulge in your belly.

You wish you could look at him but your air supply had been cut off as James' cock fully delved into your throat, the burn from your cunt matching that of your throat now as he cursed, seeing the bulging of his cock.

Before you could panic, they both moved out, so you were able to suck in a deep breath through your nose, the breathing technique you had to learn quickly so as to not end in a panic attack and passing out.

“Fuck darlin’, you are so tight, holy shit” Sirius praised, thumb circling your clit to help your pleasure whilst the other harshly pinched one of your nipples which only caused your cunt to try and squeeze around him.

James began fucking you faster first, scraping his dick against your tongue and pushing past the back of your mouth and down your throat, his own mouth dropping open in awe at the look and feel of being in such a small space.

Sirius picked up the pace as well, both boys now using you to find their own pleasure and even though it was intense, it always was, you loved it, loved how much bigger they were, how their hands roamed over your body nearly the width of your chest, the way their dicks felt like they were going to break your body apart but never did, it felt so good.

Your eyes closed, concentrating on the pleasure and on your breathing, making sure not to become too lost that you lost control. Even as the dribble began to seep out of the corners of your mouths and down your cheeks, just as it did from your cunt that was soaked by this point.

Suddenly you had to tap against James' leg, indicating that you needed him to pull out, which he did almost immediately, just as you looked down to Sirius, eyes watering from the intense wave of please, “I'm cuming” you screamed out.

Sirius moved quicker, growling as he felt the beautiful contractions that then spasmed through your cunt, watching you claw at the bed unsure of what to grab through your orgasm.

As he felt it begin to subside, he eased out, making you feel unbelievably empty and gaping but his hands were on your hips, turning them and aiding you to twist onto your front before pulling back until you were on your hands and knees.

James now grabbed onto the back of your head, directing you back to his eagerly awaiting cock that throbbed in front of you. You took him happily, using your tongue against the underside before taking him into your throat, bobbing your head whilst lifting your hand to fondle his balls.

Sirius enjoyed watching your talented deepthroating skills for a second before ramming back into you, causing your body to jolt forward and James to move deeper earning a deep moan from the man.

The motions were almost like a seesaw, James thrusting into your mouth forcing you to move backwards and then Sirius’ hips causing you to go forwards. It was an endless cycle of pleasure for both men and hearing their grunts of satisfaction only aided in your own tingling between your legs.

From the way James’ thrusts were beginning to slack, you knew he was close to cuming so you moved swiftly to grip his base, moving in sync with your mouth to squeeze and suck.

James tilted his head back, no longer thrusting just letting you do all the work, “fuck, just like that” he groaned before his hands pushed on the back of your head, keeping you still as his salty cum coated your throat and mouth. You had to swallow quickly so that you could pull back and take a deep breath, a string of saliva now connecting your mouth to his half-limp cock.

This also now gave Sirius the opportunity to pound as hard as he can, your arms collapsing your weight so you were now half slumped against the bed, arse in the air. Every fuck of his hips had you seeing stars, even though your throat was raw you still managed to croak out moans, especially as Sirius began spanking your arse cheeks, watching them wiggle with the movements.

“You going to cum over my cock again babe?” Sirius asked mid-thrust, feeling your pussy squeezing him harshly again and you weren’t even able to answer him, completely lost from the fucking.

You weren’t even aware that Sirius was rolling his eyes back in pleasure, trying to hold on from cumming, needing you to cum first which you did after a particularly harsh thrust that felt like it rearranged your insides.

Your toes curled, and your thighs trembled uncontrollably as you screamed through your orgasm, feeling entirely too sensitive. Sirius held you close, your contracting pussy milking his cock, his cum spurting free and coating your spongey walls, dribbling out and onto the bed below.

Exhausted, you collapsed onto the bed, half aware when James began wiping you with a warm washcloth, over your face first and then between your legs, apologising when you flinched from the touch, feeling too sensitive.

Then you were surrounded by warmth as Sirius pulled your limp body to his chest, James snuggling in close behind, they surrounded you completely and perfectly, whispering praises about how well you took them as you quickly fell into a well-deserved sleep.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Sirius Black proposing to Remus Lupin, because he would never do it himself- he has too much self-hatred and self-doubt.

Sirius Black getting down on one knee and asking if, maybe, Remus would be willing to love him for the rest of their lives, because he was absolutely sure that he would love Remus for the rest of his.

Remus Lupin tearing up and muttering in thrilled disbelief, “Are you serious?” Because he’s so happy and excited and he’s not thinking straight.

Sirius Black grinning tearfully and saying, “Yes, I’m Sirius. Sirius Lupin, hopefully.”

And Remus just fucking sobbing.

[nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx]

Liner and Lip gloss

"Pads sit still I'm going to mess up." Remus tried to keep his hand steady

"Alright, sorry, just excited for the ball."

"Who'd ya ask anyways?"

"No one yet."

"Pads the ball is in two hours."

"I'm aware."

"You aren't hot enough to get a girl in two hours."

"Piss off. "

"Don't think I will Siri."

"Oh fuck you."

"What was that? Sorry I couldn't hear you from down there."

"Mangez de la merde et mourez."

"Really? You can't think of a single creative thing to say so you start speaking in French."

"You have to agree it's hot."

"Who's been lying to you?"

"How dare you, anyways I know who I'm asking, just hoping they'll say yes."

"Good luck with that, they probably already have a date you know, most people plan ahead."

"Who are you going with?"

"I'm not going."

"What! Why? Moony please it'll be fun, James and I are pranking all the Slytherins."

"Nope, can't be bothered. Anyways I don't have a date."

"I'm sure plenty of girls would go with you, you're hot."

"Don't want to lie to them."

"You have to like someone, just hope they don't have a date and ask her out."

"Pads... can I tell you something..?"

"Are you alright?"

"I-I'm gay." Sirius pulled him into a hug,

"Thank you for telling me."

"You're not mad...?"

"Why would I be mad Moony?"

"My dad kicked me out when I told him."

"Shit- I'm so sorry."

"He hated me anyways, just the final nail in the coffin. It's fine, I survived, anyways turn around I'm braiding your hair."

"Moons, can you help me ask this person?"

"Are you sure they don't have a date?"

"Certain now,"

"Okay...? How do I help exactly?"

"Say yes."

"Wha-"

"Remus will you go to the ball with me?"

"...no shit Sherlock."

"FINALLY, MERLIN'S BEARD HE HAS BEEN PINING OVER YOU FOR YEARS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW PAINFUL IT'S BEEN TO WATCH BOTH OF YOU ACT SO CLUELESS."

"Prongs, are you okay?"

"Now that I don't have to listen to Sirius planning how to ask you out every single quidditch practice yes."

"It wasn't ev-"

"Yes, yes it was. I have them a written down, extreme detail, with the date because I knew you would say this."

______

A lil wolfstar cuz I've been wanting to write about these two dorks for last three years

[lyr-caelum]

I have been totally obsessed with As the Worm Moon Dies for months! And I couldn't resist drawing a tiny scene. I'm still working on ATYD comic, but sometimes I need to draw something different. ♥️

[msmoony7]

just wrote a summary for the jegulus & wolfstar fic im writing and let me just say it EATS.

[pearlynia]

Literally no one:

Me checking for my ao3 dead gay wizards fan fic update every 5 fucking minutes even tho I know damn well there would be none

[ziglikesrain]

at the end of the day i feel bad for harry potter fans. they’re so limited to one ERA and characters that have already had seven books written about them.

where’s the fun in that?! too much canon, too many straight people, where’s the fun?!

they’ll never know true happiness until they go to the dark side. we have all the fun over here

[maddybthorne]

I love the trope where someone who cares about the Main Character or is just now getting to know them learns about all the dumb/impossible stuff they do and just kinda breaks. Like they’re not able to comprehend how this dumbass is alive. And then the MC is just trying to brush it off because they don’t understand what’s wrong

MC: “I may have done *insert impossible/extemy dangerous thing* but it’s fine everything worked out and it wasn’t that hard really”

Character B: “YOU WHAT?!? HOW?!?” *distressed and confused noises*

[wzrd-wheezes]

i’ve just done an escape room with my family and i can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to do one with the marauders SO

doing an escape room with the marauders would include:

- james being the strategic one. as soon as you get in there he’s like “right! let’s make a plan!”

- remus is the one that starts looking for the clues straight away

- sirius gets told by the staff watching on the cameras to stop trying to rip things off the walls because “they arent clues if they’re bolted down”

- james, to remus and sirius’s dismay, makes you wear the costumes if there is any (hats, jackets etc) because “you’ll be able to think better if you’re in character.”

- every time you, james or sirius do something stupid, remus looks at the cameras like he’s on The Office.

- sirius tries to get clues by flirting with the staff that are watching them on the cameras

- like he would really amp up the theatrics of it. pretending to be really frustrated with a puzzle, shooting winks at the cameras etc.

- remus is the irritatingly clever one, like you could be struggling with one of the puzzles and he’ll take one look at it and be able to solve it.

- james is really good with the literal thinking ones. working out numbers, doing codes, that sort of thing

- remus and sirius are better at the more out of the box style puzzles.

- james gets really stressed every time they announce how long you have left

- sirius keeps asking “do you think they’ll actually lock us in here forever if we don’t escape?”

- you have to talk james out of just breaking one of the boxes open when he can’t figure out the code for the lock

“what if i just accidentally drop it and it breaks open?”

- when you finally escape james makes you all take a group picture

- the staff member that was observing you all says that they “have never seen a group that swear as much as you.”

[fox-marauder]

little did i know when i was thirteen and reading harry potter that i would end up on tumblr writing about harry's dad, his werewolf professor and his godfather escaped from prison.

[cosmal]

cake — send me in a character and a prompt and i’ll write you a blurb!

sirius black + showering together for the first time? maybe?? you’re definitely super shy and he softens you up with compliments and washes your hair (and he lets you was his)

suds

summary you and sirius have your first shower togehter

content sirius black x fem!reader

note mal ur so real for this

You stand behind the curtain to Sirius's shower, still in your underwear. He waits on the other side, warming up the water for you. He'd been fine with being the first to get undressed and you really appreciate him for it.

You've been naked around each other enough times for you not to be as nervous as you'd been the first time. You've never showered with him and you're thankful you're doing it before you take it further eventually.

"You coming, baby?" he asks gently, just loud enough so he's heard over the splash of water.

You blink, eyes heavy, head even worse. Despite the nerves, you really want to get under the warm water. You take off your bra and step out of your undies and feel a little better seeing yours piled up next to his boxers. Yours blue next to his grey. It's strangely calming.

You nudge the curtain with your shoulder, hands too busy crossed over your chest, folded in on yourself when Sirius opens it up to let you in.

"Darling," Sirius says, more than elated to see you. He keeps it hidden, voice soft and gentle. He can't hide it entirely too well with his little smile and sparkling eyes. "C'mere," he says, arms open and glittery, "you'll get all cold."

Sirius ushers you under the stream and not once has he stopped looking at your face. It relaxes you more than it should and you feel almost bad about it. Sirius is allowed to look at you, you like it when he does because he always looks like he's about to crumble. You don't make it easier with your hands tucked under your armpits, but you think Sirius knows you'd rather him not look down. He knows how to pace things.

Sirius is the most patient person you know and you love him for it.

"Sorry, I took so long," you say despite yourself. You share the stream with him, almost chest to chest. Your arm nudges his chest and you almost want to apologise but you can hear his response already.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says as he touches your shoulder. His fingers drip water in places that are still half dry and you shiver. He touches you as soft as you'd expect, maybe worse. Gentle fingers against gooseflesh skin.

There's a silence. Only running water and your breathing. Sirius's feet as they squeak against the tile below the both of you when he moves. You stay still and really don't know what to say. How much does someone's shower routine change when you have to reach around the other person's hip to grab your soap? Should you ask him to move?

"Sirius," you say. You're so close you wouldn't be surprised if he felt it against his dewy cheek. "I'm so nervous."

His bottom lips juts out and despite yourself, you want to kiss it. All slippery, kind kisses that feel warmer than the water. "It's okay. You're okay."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be," you apologise.

"It's just me, yeah?" he says. You watch the water that sprays on his shoulder as it pushes his hair down and into his collarbone. He's so pretty and you're entirely silly.

You reach out to touch him and are hesitant with it. Your hand stops before you reach him.

"You can touch me lovely." You hate that he knows what you're thinking, and you hate yourself more for thinking it in the first place. You're not assuming, you shouldn't be, Sirius has his own boundaries. But, he's your boyfriend - you can touch him. Especially in the shower. It leaves no room for modesty.

"Yeah," you say, a little breathless, a lot giddy.

You reach out and trace his tattoos. Down the stem of a pretty, inky flower - the points of a group of stars. Sirius grabs you by the hips as you do so and it startles you how much you like it. How much you want him to pull you closer.

He tucks his head down to watch you with the prettiest smile he's ever given you. He's enraptured. It melts his silly little heart to watch himself make you so calm.

"Can I wash your hair, baby?" he asks, selfishly he might add.

You look back at him, embarrassed at your glossed-over eyes and the nibbled lip you'd tucked between your teeth. "Would you want to do that?"

Sirius seems like he's been burned. His eyes widen and he squeezes you harder by the hips. "Of course, I would," he laughs.

You reach up and hold him by the cheeks. Water rushes down your hands and your elbows into heavier streams that point towards your thighs. "Can I wash yours first?" you ask and push it behind his ears in soaked strands.

"Yeah?" he says, more excited than you're expecting.

You stare into his eyes, soft blue until it bleeds out into a sparkling grey that makes you feel weak. His heavy eyelashes that clump up under the water that drips from his hair. "Yeah," you smile.

He grins back, much worse than yours, and reaches down for your shampoo to hand to you. "Be gentle, yeah?"

You roll your eyes and squeeze a bunch into your open palm. He stares at you as you work it through his hair and you squirm under his gaze. You know he's aware of his effect on you. He smiles and has to bite it back. You stare at his scalp and pretend you're too busy to look him in the eye.

"Stop staring at me," you say, shy laughter hot in your throat.

He leans his cheek on your arm where you've got it next to his head. "I don't think I will," he smiles, the chub of his cheek slips against your skin as he goes.

"Stop," you say and don't mean It

"No," he says seriously. "No, I'll only stop when you stop being so fucking gorgeous."

"Sirius."

"Really," he laughs now.

"No."

"You're fucking amazing." He's so genuine about it, you wish you weren't trapped in your tiny studio apartment shower.

"Tilt your head back," you say instead of what you want to. Something like Sirius, if you don't stop I'm going to pass out right here in the shower.

"Beautiful."

You tilt his head under the water before he can wax poetic any longer. He laughs and his mouth fills with water. He splutters and scrunches his eyes shut, face bright with boyish glee. You think he might spit it out at you but he lets it dribble out and down his chin - much to your delight. It's daunting how pretty he looks as he does it. Suddy face and hair in his eyes.

"All right," he says, pushing his hair from his face. "Turn around, it's my go."

"Be gentle, please, Sirius," you say, and tilt your head up.

Sirius groans from the back of his throat. "God, honey, when you say it like that, I'd be an ass not to, huh?"

[redtaylorsversiongirlie]

saw this and since i'm in love with your writing i'm gonna request something. (i'm also writing something based on a taylor swift song :3)

i love sirius black and i do not see enough fluff with that guy 😭so can i get a fic based on gorgeous ?

have a great day and feel no pressure <3

gorgeous - sirius black

❥ pairings; sirius black x fem!reader, fem!reader x some random guy

❥ summary; you have a boyfriend who's great and everything but he does not make you feel the way sirius black does.

❥ warnings; cheating (not on each other but with each other)

❥ word count; 1, 173

❥ a/n; this is kinda short and shitty i'm sorryyyy. also based off gorgeous by miss americana

"you talk funny," you grinned at sirius, leaning against your hand, a red plastic cup could be found in your other one, filled with whiskey.

you two were sitting on a sofa in the living room of james house. the said boy was throwing a birthday party and invited what seemed like thousands of people.

"what d'ya mean?" he asked, smiling as he ran his hand through his beautiful long hair.

"i dunno," you shrugged. "it's just something about the way you talk. you should take it as a compliment, though."

"of course." he took a sip of his drink. "nothing else from you." sirius noticed how you were staring at his lips, biting yours as you did so.

he leaned closer to you but as your noses were touching, you pulled away, shaking your head.

"no, sirius, i have a boyfriend," you murmured and sent him a sad look, pouting.

he sighed and glanced at his lap. "so you keep reminding me."

"if you didn't try to kiss me, i wouldn't have to!" you deffended yourself.

sirius ignore that. instead he asked, "where is he anyway?"

"in the club, doing i don't know what," you replied. "we had a fight earlier."

he hummed, not trying to find out about what. if you wanted him to know, you would've told him.

"i'm sorry about that."

you snorted, seeing right through him. "you're not."

sirius nodded. "you're right. i'm not."

you groaned and rolled your eyes. "god, i hate you so much."

"you don't."

"you're right. i don't."

gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous

you avoided sirius the next week at another party. this time, it was his and the reason he was throwing it was simply boredom.

you didn't want to come at first as you had plans with your boyfriend. the plans were to order food and binge on the new season of you two's favourite tv show. however, he got called up into work just after a few minutes the food arrived.

when your friend marlene heard that, she insisted you had to come. with a groan, you rolled off the sofa and got ready.

you found yourself standing in front of sirius's house at around 9pm and the party was already wild. black was known for throwing the best parties after all.

you walked in and were immediately greeted by lily and marlene who were a bit tipsy, giggling at everything.

from the corner of your eye, you saw sirius registering your arrival. with a smile on his lips, he started making his way to you. before he could even reach you, you grabbed your friends by their hands and dragged them into another room and then getting lost in the crowd when he tried to look for you.

there were more times like this when you got lost and it didn't take sirius long to realize you were avoiding him.

the first time he got to confront you was when you were leaving the bathroom and he managed to get you alone in the hall with a little space to escape. you cursed under your breath.

"you're avoiding me," he spoke and shiver went down your spine at his unusually cold voice.

"i'm not," you mumbled so quietly that hhe almost didn't hear you. but he did, he alays did.

"yes, you are!" he raised his voice a little. you were getting on his nerves with this. "come on, love, what did i do to make you avoid m-"

"y/n! come back!" marlene yelled at you and you thanked god for marlene fucking mckinnon.

before sirius could even turn back to face you, you were already slipping through the space between him and the wall. you know he tried to get hold of your wrist to stop you from walking away because you felt his fingers on your wrist. his touch set your soul on fire.

the next time he confronted you was when you, him and your whole friend group were sitting in a circle and catching up.

sirius was going absolutely mad. you didn't even look at him! you were talking to everyone but him and he was going insane.

as you were in conversation with james and remus, you could see that sirius was glaring at you from the corner of your eye. he looked as if he tried to kill you with his looks, not even pretending to listen to the pretty girl sitting on his lap. you couldn't deny that the sight of him made you a bit jealous. okay, not a bit. a lot.

before you could register he stood up, hushing the girl away and then and walking over to you, his voice filled your ears.

"this is not funny, y/n, stop ignoring me,"

you glanced up at him, his ocean blue eyes piercing into yours. if you were looking into them a bit more longer, you might have as well sunk, drowned and died.

"oh, hey, sirius," you smiled warmly, hoping to defuse the tension. for a moment, you swore you could see sirius's features softening but with a shake of his head, he grew serious (hahah) again.

"don't 'oh, hey sirius' me," he said. by this moment, james and remus have already gone away. "you've been ignoring me the entire night so don't you try to look all pretty to try to make me forget about it." he reached for your wrist and pulled you away from everyone. "i'm angry with you."

you looked down at your feet and sighed. "i'm just-"

"no, none of that." sirius brought his fingers under your chin and lifted it. "look at me while you're speaking to me, yeah?"

your cheeks turned bright red as you put his hand away. "this is exactly why i'm avoiding you!" he raised his eyebrow at you. "you always flirt with me or act like you're my boyfriend or try to kiss me," you said, referencing to what happened the week before. "i'm so furious at you for making me feel this way. and it would've been much easier for me if you weren't so goddamn gorgeous."

sirius was now looking at you with wide eyes, processing all the information you gave him in your rant.

you stared at him, waiting for him to reply.

"say somethi-"

sirius pressed his lips against yours.

and you knew you shouldn't have but you kissed him back.

it was something you've never felt before. when you kissed your boyfriend, it didn't seem like anything special and you felt bad for feeling like that. but when sirius kissed you, the time stopped and it was only you and him. his fingers tangled in your hair and you whimpered into his mouth.

you two pulled away from each other to catch air. you breathed heavily, smiling at the boy whose blood rushed into his cheeks. he looked even more gorgeous like that.

"well, i don't know how about you but i'm heading home," you sighed. "alone," you said and watched his mouth open in shock. you smirked. "unless you wanna come along?"

[my-castles-crumbling]

At least once a week, people tell James Potter that ‘gullible’ is written on the ceiling and he looks every damn time.

[resident-gay-bitch]

Fight & Make Up

marylene minor angst with a happy ending - 7.7 k words

“I broke up with Sirius.” Mary said, pressing the heavy wooden door to the dorm room closed behind her. 

From her bed, Marlene looked up in alarm; eyes wide, body still, and the quidditch magazine she was reading had fallen through her hands, down onto her mattress. Across the room, Lily gasped. She was braiding her hair at the vanity when Mary had walked in, and turned around with an expression so similar to Marlenes, however, her eyes had more sorrow than Marlenes had. 

Mary shrugged, moving into the room to sit on the end of Lily’s bed, closest to the both of them. She grabbed the fluffy stuffed bunny that had been discarded in the early morning rush and dropped onto the floor, popping it in her lap to play with its floppy ears, “It’s over… He was sad, but I think he fancies someone else anyway. Or at least he’s starting too. As strange as it sounds, I hope Sirius gets his way, they’d be much better together than he and I.” 

“Why?” Lily asked, quickly tying off the end of her braid to give Mary her undivided attention, “What? Why…. are you okay, Mary?”

“I’m okay.” Mary gave a half hearted smile, “Well, I’m sad. It was a good relationship, and now it’s over, of course I’m going to be sad. I miss him already, he was sweet… got me flowers and shared his pudding with me… not to mention he’s bloody gorgeous and a brilliant snog.” 

Lily snickered, her laugh so sudden that it caused her to make a snorting sound, much like a pig, when she scrunched up her nose. Mary finds it delightful when Lily laughs like that, it’s absolutely hilarious. Across the room, on her bed, Marlene did not make a sound. 

“Never mind that though, those things can’t last forever.” Mary shrugged again, sitting the bunny down on the blanket beside her, looking up at the girls again. “I’m glad it’s over, actually. Better now than later, less drama that way. Plus, it’s nice to know that he cried a bit.” 

“Sirius cried?” Lily asked, her mouth a little slack, “Hmm, maybe he’s not as much of a gorgeous prick as I thought.” 

“No.” Mary laughed, “Believe it or not, the boy's got a heart. He is lovely, Lily. He’s just not the one, you know?”

“God, none of them ever are.” Lily groaned, tipping her head back over the chair, “All the boys here suck. All of them, every single one of them, all stupid gits… annoyingly attractive gits, but gits.” 

Mary snickered, lifting a ringed hand to cover her mouth, “Too right, Lily… you wouldn’t happen to be talking about anyone in specifics, would you? Perhaps… one of Sirius’ stupid friend-”

“Absolutely not.” Lily said, turning bright red, “No, I’m not talking about James-”

“I never said his name, Lily.” Mary teased. 

Lily went silent, her cheeks redder than her hair as she stared up at the roof. All that could be heard in the room for a short while were Mary’s quiet giggles that she tried to stifle behind her hand. 

“Shit.” Lily said eventually, “Don’t you dare say anything.” 

“I wasn’t planning on it.” Mary grinned, holding her hands up on either side of her head. 

Lily flipped her off before smiling and turning her head to face Mary again, eyes wide with anticipation, “Okay, so, Sirius isn’t the one, sure… but there's got to be another reason, right? What pushed you to end it now, rather than when you just stopped having feelings for eachother?” 

“Well…” Mary smiled softly, her cheeks going red, “You know, Sirius is falling for someone else, so it’s better to let him explore that then stress himself out with me. And, uhm. There's… someone else.” 

“Someone else?” Marlene asked, the first sound she had made since Mary entered the room. Though her face still remained the same, eyes wide with shock and worry. 

Mary cleared her throat, “Yes. Though, I will not be elaborating.” 

“Boo!” Lily poked her tongue out, “Come on, you’ve got to tell us.” 

“Absolutely not.” Mary shook her head, stern and sure, “It’s pointless, so… I’d rather just let it run its course, okay?” 

Lily huffed and turned back to the vanity, fixing up her braid where it got messy at the end, “You’re boring.” She shrugged, “I am sorry, though, Mary. I’m here for you.”

“Yeah, thanks, Lils.” Mary smiled softly at her reflection. She turned her attention then to Marlene, the two of them staring at each other for a moment, “Well, are you going to say anything? Gloat about how right you were? Dance about how happy you are that it’s over?” 

Across the room, on her bed, Marlene paled. 

The first moment Mary confessed she had a small crush on Sirius Black in the beginning of fifth year, Marlene had an issue with it. Mary remembered the way her best friend pulled a strange face, scrunching up her nose to ask “Black? Ugh, why? He’s so vain.” 

She protested every time Mary thought about making a move, pulled strange faces every time she called him cute, and countered every dreamy comment Mary made about him with her own distasteful one. And when something finally happened between them, just three and a half months ago, Marlene got worse. 

It was the first Hogsmeade weekend for sixth year, and after a boring potions lesson when Mary and the girls were packing up their things, the boys were all shoving a pink cheeked Sirius forward with words of reassurance and laughter. He asked her out to The Three Broomsticks, pulled a small bunch of hand picked flowers from his pocket, and kissed her on the cheek, and Mary naturally said yes. 

The entire rest of the day she had to put up with Marlene's yapping, unkind words about the boy she had just started to date. She even went so far as to interrupt their date, as they were giggling together in a quiet booth in the pub, Sirius’ arm around her shoulders as he nosed at her cheek.. Right as they were about to kiss, Marlene came barreling over and sat herself across from them, striking up an awfully boring conversation about broom polish and a new style of quaffle that just dropped, Lily chasing after in protest. 

It drove a wedge between them quite quickly, the pair always at each other's throats. 

If any of Mary’s friends had ever suggested she stopped having an interest in a boy, she’s always listened. Isn’t it the first rule of girl code that you trust your fellow females' judgement? Besides, friends always come first. 

However, Marlene never really gave a good, valid reason as to why Sirius was such a bad match for Mary. It was always yaps about his overconfidence, or vanity, or all the stupid pranks he’d pull, or anything else about boys in general she could come up with. Which would have been understandable, if she hadn’t been so cool with Lily’s miniature crush on Remus a few years back, or so encouraging towards her now clear feelings for James; who, in Mary’s opinion, is much more arrogant and overconfident than Sirius. 

Besides, Sirius wasn’t even that vain. Yes, he knew he had good looks, and yes, sometimes he used them to his advantage (see; flirting to get his way so the Marauders could efficiently prank), but he wasn’t awful about it. The first time Mary ever called him gorgeous he turned bright red and couldn’t fully form a sentence for three whole minutes he was so flustered. 

Not only that, but Marlene and Sirius were actually quite good mates before Mary started dating him. They were practically best friends, getting up to mischief together and pulling James’ leg during quidditch practices. So why Marlene had such a problem with it remains an utter mystery to Mary. 

That’s why she didn’t listen. 

And Lily thought they were wonderful together, as did all of the Gryffindor (and Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw, and even some Slytherin) girls who didn’t have a weird infatuation with Sirius and wanted him to themselves. So it really was just Marlene and her own issues that she was too stuck up about to disclose to Mary. 

For a while there, Mary thought she was jealous. Marlene had never really expressed an interest in boys. When they were younger, she found it appalling when Lily and Mary talked about the cute boys in their classes. As they grew a little, she became more accustomed to it, and joined in on their discussions, but never expressed her own attraction to them. So the thought of Marlene having a crush on Sirius was a far away thought, that only occurred to Mary one afternoon about three weeks ago. 

The girls had gotten all rugged up in their coats and scarves and mittens to go for a walk around the grounds when they bumped into Sirius outside by the old willow tree. He’d been setting up something for a prank, but finished up by the time the girls had reached him, so naturally, Mary invited him along. 

It was only when Mary took her hand out of his to wrap half of her scarf around his neck, and slip one of her mittens onto one of his cold hands, that Marlene had had enough. 

She stopped in the middle of their path, staring at the couple for a moment before expressing that “this is fucking stupid” before storming off in a huff of teary eyed anger. 

She’d never said anything in front of Sirius before, and she’d certainly never thrown a tantrum like that. It took Lily shyly suggesting Marlene may have gotten jealous before chasing after her, did Mary actually consider it. 

She felt awful. Going off and dating the boy her best friend liked, holding his hands and snogging him right in front of her. Oh, she felt so guilty about it, so terribly awful. She talked with Sirius quickly, which he felt very embarrassed about, before running off to find Marlene herself. 

She didn’t find her in the end. However Sirius did. And when Sirius and Mary bumped into each other again just two hours later, he told her they had a little chat about it. He told Mary that Marlene very explicitly, and very angrily, expressed she had absolutely no interest in Sirius whatsoever, never has and never would. And she most certainly wasn’t jealous of Mary. 

When Mary tried to talk to her about it that evening, Marlene didn’t allow it. She shut down and closed her bed curtains and didn’t talk to Mary for three days. 

So Mary remains miffed. 

She very wisely did not mention that the real reason she broke up with Sirius was because of Marlene. 

One; she knew it would just end in an argument if she brought that up. 

Two; Marlene would probably end up on a high horse about it and give Mary another headache. 

Three; That someone else that snuck their way into the equation… Well, that’s Marlene. 

Through their kind of falling out, Mary realised she missed Marlene more than she thought she would. It felt horrible to have her best friend ignore her, chastising her relationship and throwing silent tantrums whenever Sirius took away her attention. 

She was plagued with thoughts of Marlene on the constant, and started to wonder if Sirius really was that right for her after all. She came to one simple conclusion whilst laying in his lap one afternoon after Marlene had strolled into the common room, seen them, rolled her eyes and abruptly left; Sirius is lovely, but he’s never going to be Marlene. 

Honestly, the reason why Mary had clung onto Sirius for so long was out of sheer spite. 

The way her and Marlene have always worked was a neat push and pull. 

Marlene isn’t really like many other girls Mary knows. She’s messy, and loud, confident, snarky. She’s a little rough around the edges, has never cared about her looks for even one day in her life, all she wants to do is fly, and race, and play, and fight and help those in need of it. She’s never given a shit about anyone's opinions, and in first year, when some Slytherin girls told her she was ugly and dressed like a boy, she stepped on their toes and spat in their faces and threw out the only dress she ever owned. 

To Mary, who grew up in a house where eyebrow plucking and lipstick and cute dresses were shoved on her from a young age, and a village where a woman's beauty was respected and expected, and a world where the only way she’d ever dream of getting her smart foot in the door was if she dressed the pretty part, Marlene was everything. 

With Marlene, she could let go. She could wear baggy trousers around the dorm and look over to see her friend in similar ones, she could go an entire day without makeup knowing Marlene wouldn’t look at her any different for it. With Marlene she could run, and she could laugh, and she could scream, and she could play rough. 

They’d argue and throw pillows at each other and chase one another around the dorm until they’d collapse in a heap and laugh together. They’d wrestle over who got to read their new magazine first and end up curled up and reading it together. 

They’d argue about silly things, both so stupidly stubborn so it would escalate quickly. Mary would call her a slag, and Marlene would call Mary slut, and by the end of the evening they’d be brushing each other's hair and complaining about homework together as if nothing had even happened. 

Lately, it’s been all fight and no makeup. And Mary misses it. 

She realised that she only ever started so many arguments so they could make up. Because sure, when they’re kind to each other it’s nice enough. But when they fight, chase and wrestle, Mary can get close to her. She can get up in Marlene's space and touch her, feel her pale skin against the palm of her hand, the soft prick of her leg hair against fingertips, the hot breath that followed her brilliant laughter across her own cheeks. 

When they make up, Mary gets to sit there and brush Marlene's hair whilst she narrates a celebrity magazine with extra commentary; Mary can run her fingers through the messy blonde locks and feel Marelene melt under the touch, and she can listen to the comfortable song of her voice and laugh at her stupid opinions about whatever scandal occurs that week and let it calm her. 

When they Make up, Mary gets to lay her head on Marlene's shoulder whilst they read together, listening to the steady in and out of her breath, and if the position’s right, her heartbeat. She can let Marlene twist her fingers around the ends of Mary’s springy curls, or even scratch them up against her scalp; she can be wrapped under Marlene's arm and lay there for as long as she pleases. Too many times they’ve fallen asleep like that. 

When they make up, Mary gets to lay in bed with her, looking into her crystal blue eyes in the dark, admiring the shimmer reflected in them from the light at the end of her wand. She gets to listen to Marlene's soft whispers of “Sorry, you’re my best friend, I don’t really think you’re a slut. I know the rumours aren’t true and wouldn’t even care if they were. Really, Mary, I love you, I’m such a git”, and feel her warm breath on her face, and inhale the comforting scent of Marlene's coconut shampoo and the remnants of her woody perfume. She gets to hold Marlene's hand, calloused and rough from years of quidditch and getting up to no good, and giggle with her, and lock their ankles together beneath the covers. 

And it took Mary losing that, for what felt like for good, to realise how much she needed it. 

She needs Marlene. 

Though all of their nasty, through all of their dirty, through all of their horrible, Mary needs her. She needs her like she needs air. 

She’s in love with her best friend, and she’s very nearly lost her. Over a boy. 

Marlene didn’t say anything, she just slowly shut her bed curtains and didn’t come out all evening. 

It was stupid of Mary to expect a fight anyway, they hadn’t fought in weeks. They just glare at each other, almost bursting into tears without any words shared between them, and walk away. 

She’s so stupid for thinking they could just fight and makeup now. So fucking stupid. 

☆ ★ ☆

“That’s it.” Mary said, shoving her book bag down on the end of her bed, storming into the centre of the room, Marlene trailing behind with a scoff. 

“Oh, what ails Mary Almighty now?” Marlene rolled her eyes, taking off her own satchal and dropping it on the ground, “What gorgeous, dick having man has fucked and rejected you this week?” 

“Marlene.” Lily scolded, sitting down on the end of her bed. She rubs her temples, already gaining a headache from their arguing. The first real argument they’ve had in months. 

“What?” Marlene scoffed, “Am I wrong? Have you not sucked your way to heartbreak-”

“Marlene!” Lily said again, her eyes stern as she glared at her friend, “Enough with the slutshaming.” 

“Tell Mary to stop being such a whore-”

“I’m sorry, do I make you jealous?” Mary asked, cocking her head. Marlene's words sting, but only on the surface. She knows that Marlene knows all those rumours that get around about Mary aren't true. That she’s only really been on a handful of dates at most and only ever slept with Sirius. But still, your best friend, forward slash current biggest enemy, forward slash the girl you’ve accidentally been in love with for years calling you a whore isn’t the tastiest pill to swallow. “I’m sorry men don’t take an interest in you, Marlene. Perhaps if you’d just put on a dress-”

“Oh, stop.” Marlene sassed, “I don’t want to fucking talk about it-”

“Well, I do.” Mary pressed. 

“We are not talking about the lack of men interested in me-”

“No, I want to talk about us.” 

Marlene went a little white, staring at Mary across the room for a moment. The silence stretched, tension so thick you could slice it with a knife. Mary held her ground, eyes locked on the other girl with ferocious need. She wasn’t losing this. She needed a fight, so they were going to fight. 

Soon enough they’d have to make up. 

Hopefully. 

Marlene scoffed, rolling her eyes as she turned away, losing that little battle. Mary internally celebrates, knowing things are going her way, finally. Perhaps they might really get somewhere, if Marlene is willing to listen. 

Marlene loosens the tie around her neck before shrugging off her robes, tossing them messily onto her bed. Mary has an itch to go over and tidy her corner of the room, as she always used to help Marlene to do. But since their silence, Mary hasn’t helped once, and it really shows with the pile of dirty laundry peeking out from under her bed. 

Mary doesn’t remove her robes, liking the feel of the thick fabric on her arms. It’s grounding, something else to grab onto instead of digging the sharp of her nails into her palms. 

“Go on then.” Marlene says, sticking her hands sharply into the pockets of her trousers, shoulders tight around her neck as she wobbles on her heels and toes. “Talk. Tell me what tragedies have befallen us, McDonald-”

“Don’t call me by my last name, McKinnon.” Mary sneered back at her, folding her arms over her chest, “And you know exactly what I want to talk about-”

“Well, I’m not really interested, so-”

“Well, I don’t really care.” Mary said, glaring at her again with her eyebrows raised. Marlene gave her an icy look in return, her face petulant, like a child. “I’ve had enough of… whatever the fuck is going on, and I wan’t to talk about it. I’m sick of you ignoring me, Marlne-”

“As if you’re so innocent.” Marlene fired back, “The whole time you were with him you ignored everything I said. What happened to trusting your friends, hmm? I told you he was bad news-”

“And he wasn’t.” Mary retorted, “Nothing bad about him, Marlene. You used to act as if the sun shone out of his arse, half the time, before we got together. So what is it, hmm? What pissed you off so much about Sirius and my relationship?”

“Well, you said it yourself. He wasn’t the one. There’s someone else.” She groaned, spitting out the last part in a childish tone, wiggling her head to make fun. 

“Obviously he wasn’t the one, Marlene.” Mary huffed, “He was my second boyfriend! I’m sixteen! That doesn’t mean we can’t date at all.”

“Yeah, well, I was trying to save you from heartbreak.” Marlene huffed. 

“Well it didn’t work.” Mary said, her voice tight as she looked at the girl she loved. She looks so tired, big bags under her diamond eyes, her hair a mess from running her hands through it all day in stress. “You broke my heart, Marlene. You broke it the moment you turned against me and didn’t give me one good reason why.”

Marlene's expression drops, looking up at Mary with widened eyes. Her mouth gapes slightly, moving just a little, as if she wants to say something, but no words find their way out. 

“What? You don’t like that?” Mary shakes her head in disbelief, “You don’t like the fact that the real reason I ended my relationship with Sirius is because I was sick of my best friend icing me out and getting upset over nothing? Is it so horrible to ask you to be happy for me? It feels awful, every day, to look at you and feel disgusted with myself for something I didn’t even do! I just wanted my fucking friend back, and two months have passed, Marlene, and you still fucking hate me!”

“One month.” Marlene muttered under her breath, the words slipping out of her lips as if she was desperate to say them, “It’s been one month… twelve days.” 

Mary looked at her for a moment, unbelieving the words that had just left Marlene's mouth. She laughs, stressed, on the brink of tears as she brings her hands to her face and tugs at her hair, “Fucks sake, Marlene. Not the point!” 

Marlene doesn’t say anything. She just stares at Mary, her head dipped, big wet eyes tracking Mary as she paces the room. 

“What is it?” Mary begs, stopping and waving her hand out at Marlene, “Just tell me. Tell me what I’ve done that’s so bloody awful that you hate me! I don’t care anymore, Marlene. I just want to know! I want to know, I want to fix this… I miss you. Every day, I miss you, so please, for the love of Merlin, just tell me.” 

“I don’t want to tell you.” Marlene confesses, and for the first time in months, Mary feels like she’s finally got something. 

“Why not?” Mary asks. 

“Because I feel awful about it.” 

“I feel awful.” Mary tried, “I feel awful for even knowing Sirius, half the time. Why was it so wrong for me to be with him… to- to like him?” 

Marlene closes her eyes and breathes. One deep breath in, and out, followed by another, and one more. Mary watches as she regulates herself, clearly fighting off tears as she clenches her fists at her sides, in the way she does, acting so stoic. 

“It wasn’t wrong.” She eventually mutters, so quiet Mary barely hears it. But she does, because she listens. She listens so closely she even hears the tiny sob that rips its way from Marlene's throat before she snubs it with a cough. 

Mary watches her, tilts her head to the side and takes in her sunken expression, “What’s your problem, then, Marlene? I’ve sorted through all of the options and I’ve come up dry.” She waves her arms out in stress, “I’m clueless. Absolutely fucking clueless. What have I done that is so awful to you?”

“Nothing.” Marlene says, a quick response followed by desperate eyes; aching with a genuinity Mary quickly finds, “You’ve done absolutely nothing. You’re- this isn’t about you. It’s me. I’m- I’ve done this to myself. It’s… I’ve been so scared, okay? Bloody terrified, so I�� I shut you out, made everything worse. And it’s awful, isn’t it? It feels so awful. I’ve got this ache in my stomach that won’t go away, rotten with guilt, and I just keep making it worse.” Marlene clutches at her stomach, nimble fingers twisting in the white cotton of her dress shirt. 

Mary feels her anger, that violent desperation inside of her, begin to dissipate. The desire to rip Marlene's head off and go fishing around her brain for answers no longer lingers, and instead, it fades to a helpless sympathy. She wants to reach out and stitch the broken pieces of Marlene back together, to wipe her eyes with the gentle pads of her thumbs and kiss her. 

“What’s got you feeling so helpless, Marlie?” Mary asks, voice gentle like silk, the familiar nickname falling off of her tongue with ease, as if they've already made up and all is well again. 

Marlene sobs again, around a saddened laugh, and a few tears slip past her summer eyes. Mary truly does love Marlene's eyes, gentle and gorgeous. She could stare into them for hours, endlessly just admiring the infinite beauty within. She loves them when they’re happy, and she loves them when they’re scared, and she loves them when they’re gentle, and she loves them when they cry. 

She shakes her head no, the too long ends of her fringe slipping into her eyes, but she doesn’t brush them away. Mary wants too. If they weren’t fighting, she would. 

“Tell her, Marlene.” Lily whispers from her spot on the bed. Mary’s frightened by the suddenness of her voice, she’d forgotten Lily was even in the room with them, the world narrowed down to her and the girl she loves. 

Marlene shakes her head again, giving Lily a desperate look,; one that begs for rescue. 

Lily stands up and walks over to her, brushing the ends of Marlene's fringe from her eyes, using her sleeve to dab at the tears on her lightly freckled cheeks, and Mary envies her. Just for a moment, she hates Lily for getting to touch Marlene like that, to care for her, to be gentle with her. 

Marlene was never gentle, but with Mary, she learned how to be. It’s not fair that she finds it with Lily now too. Mary wants to keep that all to herself, to hide it away in the dark like a filthy secret. She wants to have the gentle caress of Marlene all to herself, to be the only one to touch her tears, the only one to sooth her anguish. 

Jealousy rips through her like a flood, threatening to destroy everything in its path. All this build up, all this silence, and Mary doesn’t know how much longer she can keep it under wraps. 

“Don’t be scared, Marlene.” Lily smiles softly, taking Marlene's shaky hand to sooth, “Tell her. Let it off your chest. You’ll feel better. Besides, it may not end so terribly, you’ll get through it. I’m here to help you through it.” 

“I’m scared, Lily.” Marlene whispered, “I don’t want to lose her. She’s my best friend.” 

“You won’t. I’ll make sure of it.” Lily promises, giving her hand a tight squeeze, “Tell her.” She nods before taking her leave. 

It’s just the two of them, alone together in their big empty dorm room. 

“Tell me, Marlene.” Mary whispers, too frightened of something bad happening if she spoke much louder. Her heart raced in her chest, beating so fast she could hear her blood pumping in her ears. 

Marlene huffed, taking a moment to catch her breath and very pointedly not looking at Mary. It’s infuriating; to still be avoided when they’re standing right across from one another. They’re the only two in the room, trying to make up, and Marlene is still ignoring her. 

Mary could kill her!

“Look at me-”

“I don’t want to look at you.” Marlene snapped back. 

“Look-”

“No.” 

“Marlene-”

“I’ll cry!” Marlene spat out, looking down at the ground, “Bloody hell, I’m pathetic… I’ll cry, Mary. Please don’t look at me, I’m trying to find the words, okay? Give me a moment.”

Mary sighed and nodded her head, making a show of turning around to face the wall, rather than Marlene, no matter how infuriating. Turned away, she already misses the sight of her; in her grass stained trousers, her wrinkled button up that she never tucks in properly, shaggy hair, her looser than usual tie, the boys shoes she wears for comfort, the silver band she always wears around her thumb. 

She’s a walking contrast to Mary, who’s always neat and tidy, who tucks her shirt into her skirt with precision, her hair always neatly done, her tie always tight to her collar, Mary-Janes with cute frilly socks or stockings depending on the weather, and the array of dainty gold jewellery she changes most days. 

Mary’s obsessed with her. 

“You were right…” Marlene mutters, her voice strained. She’s clearly willing herself not to break down into tears, and Mary feels her stomach ache with empathy for the girl. She wants to turn and run and pull Marlene into her arms, to cradle her and stroke her hair and make it all better. 

But she knows better. She’s not stupid. That’s not how this is going to work. So she stands there, facing the wall, and listens to Marlene talk. 

“I was jealous.” She sniffled, “I was so… so fucking jealous.”

“Marlene-” Mary feels her heart crack, that horrible guilt sinking back in. She’s an awful friend, she knows it now; how she went so long without seeing the vibrant truth right in front of her. So what Marlene hardly expressed her interest in boys, maybe she’s just shy about them? So what Marlene denied being jealous when she was asked, she’s obviously not going to tell her best friend's boyfriend she’s into him. 

It’s worse now though, because Mary knows she’s in love with Marlene. She’s so painfully in love with Marlene that the confession stabs her right in the heart and drags until it bleeds. 

She’s just fucked everything up, hasn’t she? 

“I’m- I’m so sorry.” She choked out, “I didn’t-”

“No.” Marlene presses, sniffling. Mary can hear her shuffling around, no doubt twitching in her spot. She does that when she’s anxious, hops from foot to foot, tries to balance on one leg before she wobbles and puts it down. It’s strange, she’s so strange, and Mary loves her all the more for it. She loves her, but she can never have. “You just… you listen to me, okay?”

“Okay.” Mary muttered, voice meek and broken. She’s trying her absolute best to not let Marlene hear her cry. 

“Sirius and I were best mates- he’s… he was the first bloke who ever treated me as an equal, and not just some girl who wanted attention. When we both went up for beater on the quidditch team, he shook my hand and played against me with ruthless precision, and cheered for me when I hit the bludger harder than any of the other blokes there, and called me brilliant right before going to convince the captain to let me on the team.” She took a deep breath in, “He always pulled me into conversations with the team that I often felt left out of, being the only girl. I knew how he thought, I knew his type, and I knew how the entire bloody quidditch team felt about mesmerising Mary Mcdonald. They’d all ask me about you, what the best way to your heart was, how interested I thought you’d be in them, whether you’re interested in hookups or dating. So the moment you told me you liked him, my heart fucking broke, because I knew he thought you were gorgeous. I knew if you expressed any interest in him, he’d fucking pounce. And he did.” 

Mary swallowed the lump in her throat, wiping her tears on the sleeve of her shoulder. Behind her, she heard the bed creak under Marlene's weight. She sniffled and breathed, finding her next words. 

“I told him not to, you know? I said it would be a bad idea- that it would fuck everything up. But he didn’t listen, the arrogant bastard. No doubt James’ doing, the romantic that he is. You know, I thought he’d come yell at me, after that first date of yours, after you and I fought about it. But you didn’t tell him. You didn’t tell him how much of a cunt I was being to you, and he had absolutely no idea why I stopped talking to him.” Marlene sighed and stood up again, her feet pattering on the hardwood floors, “You broke my heart, Mary… being with him. I’m in love, and it fucking hurts.” 

Mary bit down on her lip and ignored the ache in her chest, her heart cut in two by the jagged knife, wielded by Marlene's tongue, “I’m so sorry, Marlie… I- I had no idea-”

“I know you didn’t. You weren’t supposed to ever know, Mary.” Marlene said, shuffling closer, “You’re not supposed to find out. But I just… I’ve never been good at handling my emotions, and you know I get so hot headed. I’m sorry for the way I acted, it’s unforgivable, and childish, and stupid, and I have no excuse. I just- I… it hurts, Mary… have you ever been in love?” 

Mary nodded, looking forward at the poster of a muggle heartthrob hanging on the wall that her and Lily hung up together with giggles in their throats. She thought she was in love with him when she was thirteen, but of course it wasn’t love, it was just obsession. 

But this… the way she feels about Marlene, that’s beyond obsession. It’s carnal desire, dripping poison. It aches and it stings and it pulls at her until there's nothing left. It’s love, love she feels so deeply, love she didn’t know she needed until it was too late. Much too late. She’ll never get it back. 

“Were you in love with him?” Marlene asked, “Sirius?” 

“I don’t know.” Mary sobbed, “I don’t know… but I have felt love, Marlene. I know how much it hurts. I know… I know.”

Behind her, Marlene took a deep breath, “You know how much it controls you then? The pain?”

“Yes.” Mary nodded, “It makes you feel fucking crazy.” 

Marlene sniffled, “Oh, you were never meant to know, Mary. This ruins everything.” 

“It doesn’t.” Mary sobbed, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as she couldn’t contain it anymore. Everything aches, “It doesn’t, I promise. You can… Marlene, if you love him, you should tell-”

Marlene snickered, shuffling closer, pressing her forehead to the back of Mary's head, “I don’t love him, Mary.” She whispered, pressing closer, their bodies so close that Mary can feel the warmth radiating off her. Marlene took a deep inhale, burying her face in Mary’s curls before she let out a broken sob, “It’s not him I love, sweetheart.” 

Mary freezes. 

Her body goes rigid, tight and stiff, her seemingly endless stream of tears coming to a screeching halt. She feels Marlene let out a heavy breath, the warmth heating the back of her neck. She can sense Marlene struggling, knows her hands are clenching and unclenching at her sides, debating whether or not to reach out and touch. 

But Mary is quite simply frozen. Even the two halves of a heart in her chest had stopped still for a moment. It all clicks into place, once a simple answer to this impossible equation; Marlene is in love with Mary, just as Mary’s in love with Marlene. 

And all it took to get here were two broken hearts and a five month long fight. 

And where is “here” anyway? The hollow dormroom they stand in? In this bubble with Marlene pressed to her back, wondering if she can risk pressing closer? On this bridge between broken hearts they’ve slowly begun to build? Or is it in the stitchings of Mary’s heart as it mends itself back together in her chest? Because Marlene loves her, she’s in love with her, just as Mary is. 

“Here”, wherever it is, is the only place Mary ever wants to be. 

All this wanting created all this fighting, and now all this fighting means a whole lot of making up. 

Mary thinks this makeup is going to be her favourite makeup of all. 

“You’re in love with me?” Mary whispered, pure awe dripping from her voice as she reached back to grab Marlene's hands. 

Marlene tenses, her hands stiff in place, reluctant to let Mary move her, “Yes?” 

“Well, are you certain, or not?” Mary asked, turning her head slightly to look back at the other girl. They locked eyes for a moment, and Mary lifted an eyebrow in mock curiosity, “Because if you’re not completely sure, then you’ve got a really shitty reason to go and fuck everything up.” 

“I’m sure.” Marlene muttered, her crystal eyes locked onto Mary’s, “I’m… I love you- fuck, that’s… I never thought I’d say that to you. Romantically. I never thought I'd confess.” 

“Why not?” Mary asked, gently rubbing her thumb over the back of Marlene's palm. 

“Because…” Marlene furrowed her brow, a sad smile creeping onto her face, “I’m not stupid, Mary. You like boys- and even if you didn’t, even if you somehow managed to be the only other queer in this bloody school, the chance of you loving me? I know it would never happen. I thought I made peace with that, but… Sirius mucked it all up.” 

Mary gave her a small smile, “Sirius is a mess like that.” 

Marlene nodded. 

“You know… you’re not the only queer. They’re everywhere.” 

Marlene snickered, “Yeah, sure. Old McGonagall’s a lesbian, is she? Grading papers by day, minge licking by night?” 

Mary furrowed her brow, “Marlie… McGonagall is a lesbian.”

“No she’s not.” Marlene said with a smile. Mary watched as it slowly faded, “No she’s not.” 

“Why do you think she has that photo frame of her and Madame Pomfrey hugging on her desk- what do you think their five o’clock undisturbed tea times every evening are?” 

“What?” Marlene gasped, “She’s not- don’t joke with me, Mary-”

“I’m surprised you don’t know this- it’s common gossip, Marls. Ask anyone.” 

“Bloody hell.” Marlene said, swiping a hand through her hair, “Is that why she sat me down and said she sees herself in me- oh Merlin, that conversation makes so much more sense now.”

“Marlene!” Mary laughed, spinning around to face her, “Did McGonagall talk to you about her experience as a lesbian without you… picking up on the fact that she’s a lesbian?” 

“Apparently!” Marlene gasped, running her strong hands over her face, “Oh, that’s awful- I’ve got to talk to her. I was so weird.” 

“You git.” Mary snickered, “Trust you to miss a massive sign like that.” 

“Yeah, I would, wouldn’t I?” Marlene sighed. 

“I- uhm… I don’t know how you feel about Sirius at the moment, Marlene, but… if you find yourself being friends again, maybe… you know… keep your eyes open for sign-”

“Sirius?” Marlene gasped, taking a step back, “But you two- he likes girls…. He-”

“You can like both, you know.” Mary said, setting her hands on her hips as she gave Marlene a stern glare, looking down at her, since just a smidgen taller, “You know Bowie? The one Remus is so obsessed with? He likes both, it’s called bisexual.” 

“Oh.” Marlene said, furrowing her brow as she looked to the ground. 

“Point is… I don’t think Sirius knows that Sirius is bisexual yet, but, uhm… you know, he talked an awful lot about one of his very male friends. And a lot of those conversations consisted of language like handsome, and brilliant, and hot.”

“Oh.” Marlene sighed, “You know, come to think of it, he’s said a lot of similar things about the blokes on the quidditch team. I always assumed he was trying to talk them up for me, and doing a very bad job at it…” 

“Poor thing.” Mary sighed, dropping her hands from her hips, “Anyway, you’re not alone, Marlene. Never have been.” 

Marlene nodded, the mood suddenly sombre again. She fiddled with her thumb ring, “You… you don’t hate me?” 

“Why would I hate you? You’re my best friend. I love you through everything, just as Lily does. You know this.” Mary said, smiling kindly at the beautiful mess she fell in love with. 

“Because I’m a lesbian.” Marlene shrugged, “I thought…”

“Well, I don’t hate you.” Mary said quietly, “Never could.” 

Marlene nodded, “And I’m in love with you.” 

“How’s that any reason to hate you?” 

“Because I’m creepy.” Marlene said, eyes wide as she looked at Mary, “I’m… weird. I start fights with you just so we can make up and be close to one another.” 

Mary closed her eyes, trying to fight off the most radiant smile she’d ever found herself smiling. It’s embarrassing, really, how smitten she is right at this moment. 

They’re hopeless. 

Terribly fucking hopeless, both desperately clinging to one another, trying to get all that they can. Savouring every moment shared together, clinging, begging for just a little bit more. 

Things don’t feel so hopeless anymore. 

“Just so you'll… you’ll brush my hair and run your lovely hands through it.” Marlene whispered, gently taking Mary by the hands, brushing her calloused thumbs over the soft skin of her knuckles. “So that you might lay on my chest, so I can breathe in the smell of you, and play with the ends of your hair- how do you get it so soft, Mary? It’s so soft.” 

“Because I look after it.” Mary said with a mocking smile. 

Marlene rolled her eyes, a small smile curling up the ends of her pink lips. They’re a little chapped, as they usually are. Mary had gotten into the habit of handing Marlene her lipbalm everytime she happened to reapply, but months apart, she’s clearly severely been lacking in it. 

Mary reached into her pocket and pulled the lipbalm out, handing it over to Marlene with a huff. 

Marlene rolled her eyes and applied it, smacking her lips together, “Hmm, berry?”

“Gooseberry pie.” Mary offered, “It’s new.” 

“It’s nice.” Marlene gave a shy smile, handing the lipbalm back, “Missed your lip balm… yet another reason I’m a creep. I don’t understand why you’re not mad.” 

“Marlene…” Mary took her hands gently again, “Why would I be mad at someone for being in love with me?”

Marlene rolled her eyes and grumbled, shaking their joined hands in frustration, “Because I’m a weirdo who only puts your lip balm on so I might know what it tastes like to kiss you.” 

“Does it taste nice enough to kiss?” Mary asked, blinking her eyes up at Marlene as she made herself small. 

“Obviously.” Marlene sighed, bowing her head in shame, “I want to kiss you all the time, Mary. I’m just… awful- why’d you give that to me? I was getting used to not knowing.” 

Mary smiled, shuffling a little closer, “So your lips wouldn’t be all gross and dry when I kiss you.” 

“Yeah, righ-” Marlene gasped, the breath seemingly punched from her lungs when Mary pressed their lips together, “Mary!” 

Mary pulled back, holding Marlene's hands tight down by their sides, “Marlene?”

“Don’t…” Marlene muttered, “Don’t fuck with me.” 

“I’m not fucking with you, Marlie.” Mary whispered, leaning in to brush their noses together again, “You’re the entire fucking reason I broke up with him. Your… infuriating attitude and absence in my life made me realise how much I miss you- how much I need you. I missed our fights, because I missed making up too. I realised I used to start fights, just to get close to you after. I love you, Marlene. I mean it.”

“Double swear it?” Marlene asked, her voice breathless and awe struck. 

“Triple.” Mary muttered, “I swear it on Lily’s life.” 

“Fuck.” She whispered, dropping Mary’s hands to grab her by the face and tug. 

Mary had never had a kiss to earth-shatteringly magnificent. This kiss has nothing on the movies. Marlene holds her tight in her grasp, like a treasure she’s terrified of dropping. She’s pressed so close that the only thing Mary can feel is Marlene, she’s all she knows at this moment. She kisses hard, and desperate, with teeth and tongue and bite. It’s rough and ruthless and so fucking perfect, far beyond anything Mary had ever dreamed of. 

She buries her hands in Marlene's tousled hair and tugs, pressing her body into the shape of Marlenes, slotting together as if they were made for one another. Marlene makes a needy sound into Mary’s mouth that has her legs beginning to buckle and her head spinning with want. 

They go stumbling back, collapsing down onto Marlene's bed, where they draw the curtains and don’t emerge until morning. It’s definitely Mary’s favourite way of making up now.

☆ ★ ☆

thanks for reading!! comments and reblogs are always very very appreciated and i love reading all that you have to say!

this was my firs wlw centric fic actually so im really excited to be posting it! and i promise im not projecting my own failed lesbian highschool lovestory onto it at all.

anyway, hope you enjoyed the readdddd!!

read here on ao3 :)

[jeansworld16]

I think a lot of people who have mental health problems like fan fiction because it gets them out of reality and feels like a safe space (I am also talking about my self so dont be mad this so just what I think)