#so I'm not sure any permanent changes would occur

[sunset-peril]

I actually tend to hc that all the Links are descended from another at some point.

However, what do you think about epigenetics being a viable reason for such?

You mean epigenetics being the reason they all are similar? Or that epigenetics is the reason they're all descendants of each other? I'm not sure I understand the question.

However, considering that epigenetics regards the condensed-ness (that's not a word but oh well) of the histones and the DNA wrapped around them and that most epigenetic changes are extremely reversible due to being caused by environmental stimuli (the only epigenetic changes that are permanent being CpG methylations in gene promoters, because those control cell differentiation.), I don't think epigenetics would leave a permanent mark on all Links as a whole. If Twilight Princess was Ocarina of Time's grandson or great-grandson, then that would be the only time I could see epigenetics playing a role in more than one Link. However, I think the rest of them are too far apart in the bloodline to have any real epigenetic effect on each other. Generally, epigenetic changes have been reversed after two or three generations, unless whatever stimuli that caused the original modification was persistent. (We used diabetic rats and poor/proper dieting for this study, and research on psychological epigenetics is still very new)

Although now that you mention this, I am curious to see how epigenetics would play a role in BotW/TotK's children.

I hope that answers the question!

For me I definitely hc that Skyward, Ocarina, Twilight Princess and BotW/TotK being all relatives (BotW being descended from TP literally being a foundational piece in my lore). I just don't know enough about the rest of them to decide for the rest of them.

[brucewaynehater101]

How the Bats argue against Jason's murder in fics

Now, Jason's murders vary in fics on a spectrum. There's murderous killing even common goons up to only those folks who are repeat, violent offenders that are not able to be contained/do their time (whether due to a corrupt system or them escaping).

We are gonna chat about the second one [in simple terms, Jason being particular and only killing the really evil bastards].

Side note, this is neither arguing for or against Jason's methods. This addresses how Jason may relinquish killing in fics in a more realistic manner than simply because he was told to or he wants to make amends

I've seen the Bats arguing shit like:

"Murder is wrong"

"This is not how we operate"

"We are not judge, jury, and executioner"

"This makes you a villain/evil/a murderer"

These arguments, frankly, are shit. This should not convince Jason to stop. Red Hood is killing from a logical-based moral standpoint (by neutralizing the threat permanently, he is saving inevitable future victims). Jason believes his option is frowned upon, but ultimately the right path. It's a "I'm doing what's necessary even if it damns me" mindset.

Arguing it's wrong will simply make him scoff or laugh. He knows the Bats don't like it, and he know they find it morally reprehensible. He still finds his actions to be necessary.

Jason isn't a child that needs to be told "right" and "wrong." He simply has a different moral code. Instead, these arguments in a fic serve as a reflection on the Bat that makes those statements.

This is not a diss to anyone's religion, but a similar comparison is to folks who base their moral code on holy texts and then try to tell other people what's "right" or "wrong" based on what their scripture says. If the other person doesn't have the same religion, you simply can not make moral arguments based on texts they don't believe in... Cause that writing has no weight to them. You would need to argue why something is "wrong" without resorting to: because [] says so.

By only declaring it as wrong, all that Bat is doing is showcasing their inability to communicate/be morally flexible. They are showing an unwillingness to acknowledge Jason's points or try to engage in counterpoints to convince him. These arguments usually predate the Bats trying to force Jason to stop killing instead of allowing him to make the choice for himself.

That is a perfectly fantastic fic idea to explore, but this wouldn't persuade Jason to change his ways. In fact, it may make him dig his heels into his methods more.

For arguments to sway Jason's opinion on how to pursue justice:

There is no oversight for Jason's murders

Cops enforce with killing (regardless of how you feel about the truth of this statement, Jason would hate this comparison)

Killing takes away chances for reformation

The threat of death causes false confessions/fear-based responses

Unclear standards on killing leads to innocents fearing Red Hood and not feeling safe

Escalation can occur (especially in fucking Gotham) when people feel their lives are threatened

Killing takes a mental strain and is thus harmful to Jason

Death is permanent and they can't suffer

There is no remedy for human error if they are dead

I'm sure there's more, but these are starting points to stop Jason's murders or ween him off of it [such as requiring Babs or Tim or Dick or Steph or the Outlaws or fucking Alfred to double check Jason's work before the execution].

Once again, I am not claiming any of these reasons are "correct" or that Jason's way is "incorrect." This is how a certain dynamic may be influenced by various conversation paths

[mmani-e]

Part 3 of the lineart teasers for Danganronpa Demix: THH, featuring:

Moral Compass Junko

Fashionista Kiyotaka

Biker Mukuro

Soldier Mondo

Sparkling Justice

Disguised Mondo (as Taka)

As always change will surely come for these designs and have some design insights below. Thank you for peeping, the final piece with all of them should be in the next few weeks.

Junko - Junko's a moral committee member known for being really really weird and off-putting but stupidly effective. She crocks up silly plans to basically cause everyone around her to sweat and be terrified of her despite her not really doing anything wrong. Essentially she's a fucking psychopath still but her focus is more on constantly entertaining herself rather than just dipping into despair, and mass-social engineering is the most fun thing for her. The easiest way to access that sorta thing is become part of the school morals committee.

Kiyotaka - Kiyotaka's family ruination goes a little worse in this AU, as Kiyotaka's family's grief really gets to him, he reminesces over the perfect world he had in his life, and seeks to create a world without pain or poverty or hatred... through eliminating free will, and establishing permanent control through despair! Can't have corruption when nobody's motivated to do anything right?

Mukuro - The events of Mukuro and Junko's early years still occur in this timeline, and Mukuro is convinced to run away to Europe, for what particular reason matters little, and Mukuro gets found by a gang of bikers in eastern europe, the violent variety, one she climbs up in and becomes leader of in record pace. Also she's still weird about her sister, but in a less screwed up way, she's just really clingy and the way she and Junko become better friends again is when Junko messes with her so much Mukuro gets fed up with her and bad mouths her to oblivion, something Junko highly appreciates.

Mondo - I'm still cooking this one up, but essentially Daiya's death sparks a way, way bigger catalyst than Mondo could ever hope to believe and his gang are impressed and indebted into becoming a private paramilitary group used by one of the people they'd wronged in the past. But this ends up being something Mondo would prove to be way too good at, something that'd blow up stupendously in the face of the person that initially forced them into working for them.

Sparkling Justice - He has a gun, a revolver and shoots bad people, bc in danganronpa 1 Makoro uses guns and truth bullets, I thought it'd be neat to give that to our serial killer. Also I gave him an ahoge styled after Takumi Hajirahara because it's heavily implied he is sparkling justice, also gave him a bit of a simpler mask. Probably will tweak it more.

Disguised Mondo - Yeah thtere's not really any kind of rhyme or reason for this I just think it'd be really funny if "Taka" didn't even remotely look like Taka but for some inexplicable reason Mondo can just do a perfect Taka impression and everyone's like "yep works for me."

[its-the-sa]

Different anon. God just boiling down the slugcats to 'animals' angers me in a way I didn't think I could be angry. Yes, they are animals, but by all means they are cognitive and understand complex emotions, communicate with a supposedly complex language, are able to be taught to do things. Why else would the iterators use them as messengers constantly? It's not like they're messenger pigeons where it's just going from point A to point B, they understand exact instructions. If this was just some random animal, making groans and grunts, they wouldn't be able to understand what Five Pebbles even meant when he was explaining how to ascend. Even with the mark, could you imagine if he told a lizard this? Artificer, arguably, is a prime example of this. Just an animal would get over their fallen children, sure they'd grieve but in the end they'd just make more. Arti not only is so enraged by their death, that she is physically incapable of ascension, but also swears vengeance upon a whole other species. This isn't just some animal who lost her children, this is a mother who is enraged at her children's murder. Sure, they aren't on the same level as humans are. Like obviously. But I'd argue it makes sense that a scavenger and a slugcat could fall down the path of enemies to lovers. Especially when you consider the fact that death isn't permanent in Rain World's universe. That would definitely change one's perspective on it. I dunno if I make sense, I'm juggling like three things at once, but I had to say what I needed to say. Wording bad, slugcat smort.

tbh it took me a minute to figure out what this was even referring to, because honestly I don't think that anon meant to use the word 'animal' to dehumanize arti in the first place. it sounded to me like they were just using it as a non-human equivalent for 'person', like "why would anyone fall for a person who committed hate crimes against them?" which is a valid question. it never even occurred to me that they could have meant it in the sense of calling her an inferior creature.

that said... you ARE 100% right and you should say it, lmao.

I very nearly got into this exact argument once, bc i saw some comments from a guy scoffing at the idea of arti showing mercy to baby scavs. because by his logic, 'she is just an animal, so she isn't bound by human morality. in the wild, animals kill any young that don't belong to them without hesitation'. and it just pissed me off so much, because not only was it such an edgy "mercy is for the WEAK!" alpha-male bullshit take, it was also just factually wrong. many animals can and do adopt the young of other animals, even other species, especially when they've just lost their own. and like you said, they can grieve, but then they move on. they keep surviving, and making more babies. they don't dwell on injustice, or let rage consume them to the point that it becomes a hindrance to their own survival. they don't go on single-minded revenge quests. they dont try to justify their own violence by demonizing entire species, and they dont end up plagued by guilt in their sleep. those are very, very human things.

and yeah, i see a lot of people theorize that it's the mark of communication that grants the slugcats higher intelligence, but I don't really buy that either. i think the mark just lets them understand the iterator's language. they must've already had the capacity to understand it, or else it wouldn't work at all. it'd be like trying to install windows on a calculator. also, even without the mark, slugcats are obviously shown to communicate with each other. they have their own culture, they tell stories and make art, and they're apparently able to understand karma and the nature of the cycle at least enough to be able to ascend. so like... any creature thats capable of spiritual enlightenment must at least be sapient, right??

it seems like in the absence of the ancients, both slugcats and scavs are beginning to move in to their niche in the ecosystem

[nomatterwhatnomatterwhere]

(Not) A Whole New World

A.N : the following was inspired by the House of Mouse Au from @rose-tea-and-strawberries and the Papa Crewel from @adrianasunderworld ( I mean, I knew the existence of these Au thanks to them so, yeah, that's it).

No beta reader ( 'cause I'm socially ankward to ask anybody to read the stuff I write)

Part 2 Part 3

The first time it happened you were 8 years old.

You were 8 years old and you were definitely, permanently and hopelessly lost.

You didn't even know how you got lost: one moment you were playing with the other children and the next you were lost in the maze of a forest that had jumped out of who knows where.

It didn't bother you too much that you were in a forest that appeared out of nowhere.

Pft…

You were used to the sudden spawning of never seen places or already existing places changing their appearance - not that you had experienced it first hand, you were 8 years old, you weren't allowed to leave house alone, but news traveled fast - and the Forests weren't even such big news either.

You were told that the first manifestation of this peculiar phenomenon had occurred a long, long time ago - and despite this the heroine of the story still looked like a little girl today - when Snow White ran away from the Evil Queen: instead of the usual clearing where Snow used to collect bunches of flowers there was a dark and obscure forest in which the branches of the trees did not let even a ray of light pass.

You, from the height of your 8 years, were quite convinced the story was exaggerated; Sure, the clearing had given way to the forest, but it didn't look nearly as scary as Snow had described it, (not that you'd ever set foot in that forest, but the pictures couldn't lie) but it had also been many years and it seemed that the only version of the story was that of the princess alone - it was unknown what happened to the Evil Queen, and Snow refused to talk about it.

Compared to the forest in which Alice found herself, however, Snow White's was a common forest: according to what Alice herself had said in that forest every direction led everywhere and nowhere and the tenants of that forest were so bizarre that one could say they lost their minds , it was not uncommon for news to arrive of the "ridiculous actions" these beings were undertaking - you did not know what bad things these people were doing, but your guardian told you that they were so crazy that it was not worth caring about them and you listened to him, it pleased you to be a good kid.

The forest you were in, however, didn't seem so bizarre or scary… maybe you had ended up in the Hundred Acre Wood? Or perhaps the Wood from the Sleeping Beauty ? Well, all you had to do was wait and see what would happen, in the end if you went too far the other children would notice that you were gone and you would come looking for you.

With this certainty you began to explore, you were still a curious child, and wandered around this forest; in your eyes as a child there was nothing too strange, it was a forest like many others: full of trees, bushes and plants whose names you didn't know - some children learned the art of potions from an early age, but you weren't so lucky.

You didn't know how long it had been, but your feet hurt, you'd never walked so much and your stomach had been rumbling for a while already.

Was it already time for a snack and no one had come looking for you?

You were starting to worry a little bit, and without realizing it you started sniffling, trying not to cry. You didn't like being alone, but when you cried too loud they scolded you, and you liked that even less.

Luckily you didn't have to wait any longer than you already had, because someone had found you.

“Are you lost? How did you get here?” In front of you there was a little girl with slightly wavy red hair looking at you with some concern

“What does it look to you, Stacy?” next to her was another little girl with dark curls, who couldn't have been much older than 'Stacy' who looked at you very suspiciously.

You nodded and in a very thin voice you explained how you didn't know how you got there and above all how it worried you that no one had come looking for you.

'Stacy' seemed even more worried than before, and was probably ready to cry with you, the other little girl looked at you less suspicious than before and sighing introduced herself.

“I'm Drizella and she's my sister…our dad should knows how to help you” and tit held out her hand, helping you to stand up.

All the way the two sisters had held your hand, and told you a lot of interesting things; mostly it was Anastasia – apparently Stacy was her nickname – talking to you. She had told you the things she liked, about this boy who was the son of a baker she really liked – and here Drizella rolled her eyes – about her school for nobles and princesses. Every now and then Drizella added something to the speech, mainly corrected Anastasia.

When you came out of the forest you were a little worried, this place shouldn't be close to home.

It was Drizella who noticed your confusion and her curious look turned into concern the more you told her how you were sure you were really far from home, because from where you lived you couldn't see that village at all, nor did you remember anyone river nearby, otherwise you and the other kids would have gone to play there.

“I think you are nowhere near home. Everyone in Shaftland knows that river,” and she increased her pace towards the large mansion you hadn't noticed yet.

You had no idea what Shaftlands were

You walk into the house Stacy walked you into their living room and asked if you would like some tea, she giggled slightly when you asked for two lumps of sugar looking down

"You are really adorable"

After a while Drizella had entered the room, followed by a man elegantly dressed, but with a very cold look.

As soon as you saw him, you got up from the chair you were sitting in – it was too big for you and sitting up there you looked even smaller – and bowed your head introducing yourself.

Mozus Trein – as he introduced himself – wasn't as bad as his looks suggested, he told you that he understood part of the situation from what Drizzy had told him but he still asked you to tell him the story from the beginning, and he also made a rather funny face when you told him that it was normal for you that a forest had sprung up out of nowhere.

"I think, little one, it's not the same thing…I think you went through some kind of portal instead"

Your first reaction was much calmer than Mozus would have expected, the kids usually saw him and burst into tears and he didn't have a clue how to calm them down, for being so young in a completely new place you were quiet, maybe even too quiet

“So just find another portal to go through…right?”

Trein nodded, still a little amazed at how calm you were, not even his own daughters had ever been so calm in dangerous situations, and his daughters were definitely the standard of ideal daughter.

They offered you to stay with them until you could get home, but all three could see that there was something wrong with you.

During dinner you ate very little, and very slowly, and when Anastasia jokingly pointed out that you could have another portion of food, your eyes lit up.

"At home we're a lot so it is difficult to have more than one portion”

Whenever you were asked something then you kept your eyes down, as if you were scared, but Mozus wasn't sure about what was frighting you

Time passed quite quickly in your opinion, even if Mr. Trein hadn't been able to find a portal that would take you back you didn't mind.

It was the first time you had so much space for yourself, without having to share it with anyone, and the two sisters also seemed to have definitely taken a liking to you:

Anastasia adored you, she always gave you her share of dessert when she thought Mozus wasn't watching her, she always dressed you up and played with you, she taught you some typical Shaftlands games, her favorite was to teach you what they taught her at school.

Drizzy initially controlled you when you played alone or with Lucius – she was shocked when her father's familiar didn't scratch you when you picked him up – but then when you started asking her for help when reading difficult words she completely melted away, feeling you singing her praises with that bright gaze was really dangerous.

"Listen, do you like being here?" Anastasia had asked you several times during your three months of stay and your answer didn't change

"Certain!" and smiled "it's fun being with you, you and Drizzy taught me so many things and then it's nice to have my own place"

You had had a mini trauma when the two sisters had to leave for school, you didn't want to cry and throw a tantrum, but you also didn't want them to leave you alone.

They promised to write you a letter every week.

During Stacy and Drizzy's school term you got a little bored, played with Lucius when the cat wasn't with Trein and read.

At one point you noticed how Trein seemed to understand the cat and curious you started to do some research, but none of the books that Drizzy had recommended had much information about it: you knew that it was possible to study the language of animals, but you didn't have idea where to start and then you did the logical thing

You watched Mr. Trein hoping to catch some clues, at one point you even started following him around the house, until he himself asked you what the problem was.

Having listened to your new interest, the man weighed a few minutes, until he signaled you to follow him to his study.

(that book had been bought for the daughters, but the two hadn't had much success at the time and although they had grown up and had actually learned, they still had some difficulties)

Every time you learned something new you would go to him to show him how much you had improved.

Mozus was really impressed by how quickly you learned, so he started offering you more and more complex books, not only about animal language, and you seemed more and more pleased every time.

You weren't infallible but you only went to him when after so many attempts you couldn't figure out where you were wrong.

You were hungry for knowledge, there was no denying it, but Mozus occasionally worried about how much you wanted to learn new things, so he asked you

“When I get home I won't be allowed to continue” you had a very sad look “Only some children can. According to my tutor, I don't have the slightest ability and therefore it would be useless for me to learn, so I want to take advantage of all the time I'll be here"

"Little one, excuse me, but how are you at home?" Mozus was definitely more concerned now, sure, he wasn't the most loving of parents but he'd always managed to encourage his daughters and he certainly wouldn't be so tactless as to tell an 8 year old that she didn't have the slightest ability, also because to him you seemed quite capable.

He also discussed your situation with his daughters, both through letters and when they came home from school and at that point he understood the problem

“Y/N lives in an orphanage” Anastasia had begun “and I think that in her world there is a sort of “magical favoritism” or something like that”

"I don't think she's aware that even the language of animals requires a minimum of magic" Drizella had continued before taking his father by surprise "Does she really need to go back there? Can't we keep her?"

“You are not talking about an animal my dear”

“I know but I like being the big sister and Stacy spoils her whenever she can, don't think I didn't see you sent her all those sweets, Lucius seems to like her too and he never likes anyone, and then you like… if where is she from they treat her so bad why can't she stay with us?”

Mozus had asked the two if they had asked for your opinion and the girls had turned towards him with a satisfied look, until Anastasia had shown her father several letters in which you addressed them as "older sisters".

When the three – four if we count Lucius rubbing against your leg – asked you if you would like to stay with them, your answer once again left them dumbfounded

“Can I really? Won't I cause you some trouble?" you looked at everything but them.

So, after about 6/7 months in which Mr. Trein and his daughters had welcomed you you had completely forgotten the idea of ​​going home and you had never been happier.

Going around the city was fun, generally Drizzy or Stacy accompanied you, sometimes even Lucius, but on some occasions Trein also came with you and in those cases it happened that you stopped to eat "family" ice cream together.

Once you figured out how to get around the city, Trein gave you permission to walk around alone, but you had to be back by a specific curfew.

During these explorations you also managed to make friends with some children.

Well, you weren't quite sure actually, but at least you knew that at least they did not dislike you

One was a beastman kid, a wolf, even if in your eyes he was just a giant dog looking for cuddles, especially behind the ears – even if he always denied it. He was really friendly, although he hated it when you called him cute – his wagging tail said otherwise. When your curfew approached he would always drive you home – once Stacy had called him a "real knight" and he'd blushed suddenly, running away. You were a little surprised when he told you that he was the same age as you, you thought he was a little older, also considering how he behaved (only later did you discover that this was Jack's "big brother" side, since he had older brothers little ones).

You enjoyed spending time with him, even if you weren't sure his other friend would agree with it; his name was Vil, and according to Jack, he was quite famous on TV. He was even older than you.

He had a string of female admirers, and you couldn't deny that Vil really was the prettiest boy you'd ever seen up to that point. It was actually the first thing you said to him when you first saw him; you didn't even realize it, in fact after that you got so embarrassed that you started apologizing. On the other hand, however, he didn't seem to like you, every time you found yourself without Jack you perceived his judgmental gaze on you, you didn't know exactly what you had done wrong to him, but you knew that everything you did was not right ("if you don't stand up straight you'll get a hunchback” “You should look the people you talk to in the eye” “Stop whispering, I don't understand anything”). According to Jack this was his way of being friendly and you appreciated it, really, but every time you were blown up by his every comment and therefore you kept your distance from him. Despite everything, however, he let you style his hair once, and he had also complimented you. You were smiling all day.

But the person you were most comfortable with was Cater. He had a completely different character from yours, but being with him didn't make you feel uncomfortable at all, in fact sometimes you were embarrassed by how affectionate he was towards you, and unlike Jack and Vil he didn't seem to bother him when you complimented him, in fact, he lit up for every single thing you did for him. He had told you broadly about his sisters and repeatedly dragged you away from those two dictatorships who wanted to meet you. You doremember how upset you were when he told you he had to move to another city; Cater was the only one who knew about your situation, he was the one you confided in – and he did the same – so he was the one who was most shocked when the day before he left Drizzy told him you were completely gone and would probably never came back there.

You felt the same way too when you opened your eyes again and found yourself in your room in the orphanage, and it seemed that everything that had happened to you was just a dream.

Getting used to life before the Shaftlands was confusing, you were there, but you weren't. Not that the other children and your guardian noticed, there were other, more important people and things to take care of.

You were firmly convinced that you had imagined everything until you found yourself making eye contact with a cat that was all too similar to Lucius; it was strange that the animal was inside the orphanage, the director hated having animals around - and the sentiment seemed quite reciprocated - so, almost as a joke, you advised him to move before getting hurt, in that language that Mr. Trein, but to your astonishment, the cat answered you

“If he hurt me I think my mistress would shut this place down”

Lucifer ,the cat , explained to you that its owner was a rather important lady who had lost her daughters and moved to your city.

You had no idea who his mistress was, but Lucifer liked you quite a bit – rather it was that you could communicate with him – so when Lady Tremeine came to, have tea with the manager, maybe? the cat followed you and you conversed.

You didn't understand why the other children avoided the cat - you had never seen how pestiferous it was - but you didn't mind having such a peculiar playmate.

A similar thought occurred to you when you first met Lady Tremeine: she reminded you of Trein, only much, much colder. She didn't seem to like children but, perhaps because her cat liked you or perhaps because the way you behaved around her reminded her of her daughters, she occasionally invited you to tea in her house and when she began to notice a certain … magical affinity advised you to go and find some people she knew to improve this predisposition of yours.

She didn't know much about magic, but she knew who surely could use your full potential.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

WIP Wednesday

Nobody tagged me but I'm having the time of my life with the banter in this fic so I'm sharing anyway. Have some tidbits!

(These are not necessarily in order of when they occur in the fic. I just picked out some bits I thought both showcased the banter and didn't give away plot.)

“Right, thank you. I’ll get him to bed. Can he walk?” “I can walk fine.” “I didn’t ask you, did I? I asked the trained medical professional.” “Give me the fucking ring back, I want a divorce.” “You say the sweetest things.”

This is extremely difficult to do seeing as that performance is burned into his brain with the kind of permanent intensity he thought only childhood trauma could attain.

“Well, I’m deeply flattered, but I simply can’t see myself holding your hand and calling you ‘dear’.” “No offense, but the idea of waxing poetic about our wedding day makes me want to hang myself.” “I’m flattered, actually. I’d be concerned if it was any other way.” “Oh? Your wife never told you of my deep and unrequited feelings for you?” “No, of course not, how else would she keep her psychosexual hold over you all these years?” Someone passing by the table keeps them a very weird look.

“He’s got over her, in case you were worried about that. It was some years ago.” “And here I was about to throw myself into traffic.” “Traffic’s no good on this road, you’ll want to get over one onto the main thoroughfare.” ���You know exactly what to say to a man when he’s down.”

Anyway if you're sitting here wondering "is Mads having mayhaps too much fun?" the answer is yes.

Tagging @princessfbi and @buckttommy (you and your url changes I'm gonna strangle you...) since I'm not sure who else has WIPs at the moment. MWAH.

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

Blood Drops on Roses Ch 16: A Trail of Blood and Shadows (Pt 2)

“So, I hear that you’ll be joining us for a while.” Legend said once he was seated. “Any idea how long that will be for?”

Wild vaguely waved a hand around in response. Twilight likely still wanted him to leave today, if he would. Impa’s command beheld him to them only until they reached Director Purah’s lab in Hateno. He… didn’t really know.

“Well, however long that is—” Legend leaned in, catching Wild’s eyes meaningfully “—is there any way that I can convince you to cut it a bit shorter?”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Important author's note under the cut, copy and pasted from the fic.

Okay time for a stupid long author's note now.

When I started publishing this fic, I had Character Death tagged, but not Main Character Death. I was confused on the differences in these tags, so let me clarify--there will be multiple deaths, permanent and temporary, secondary characters and main cast. If you dip out here, no shame, take care of your mental health bestie. If you're unsure, feel free to leave a message in my inbox on tumblr--there I'll go further into content if needed, but I won't confirm theories on who dies or lives. For potentially sensitive chapters, I'll also be adding trigger warning to the top notes and a summary at in the bottom notes, so if any of you wish to keep reading but want to avoid those chapters, you can do so.

For the rest of you that will keep reading, buckle up. You've been sufficiently warned, I hope.

I'm changed the rating to Mature, too, though this arc doesn't quite reach that level. I've been tagging as I go, but I'll try to get the entirety of arc 1 tagged before the next chapter comes out, which will include all the potential content tags I can think of.

If there are any kind of "niche" trigger warnings (I just saw a post about trigger warning hair cutting, which I will add now, but that never would have occurred to me tbh), feel free to comment and I'll make sure it's properly tagged if I have it in the fic.

Anyways, sorry for all the doom and gloom, hope you enjoy the chapter!

[thispatternismine]

ATLA live action impressions part 2

Following on from last night's post, here are my impressions of eps 5-8

Still really loved it. Gonna be tarred & feathered for this but I actually like it better than the animated show

Highlights:

Ozai giving Zuko credit for finding the Avatar. There's this weird idea in the fandom that Ozai never intended to take Zuko back. Even though we saw him do exactly that at the beginning of Book 3. Yes he set an impossible task, but when Zuko (apparently) achieved it, he was like 'ok yeah cool - you have met my standards'. Sure, there's no way Zuko would have continued to meet those standards if he'd stuck around, but Ozai did actually keep his word. The fact that he does it to make sure Azula knows she's overstepped & remind her she's replaceable, is an especially nice touch

Getting to see how Azula is treated by her father. I've seen way too many people try to claim Azula was never abused because she wasn't literally set on fire like he was. Never mind that she avoided that fate only because she was able to meet his standards. And having to constantly strive to meet the standards set by someone who thinks 'find a guy who's been missing for a century' is a suitable task to set his kid is abuse.

Another annoying tendency of the fandom is to flanderise Ozai into some diabolical caricature who spends all his time thinking up new ways to torment poor Zuzu, so having that scene of him banishing Zuko was a nice touch. He genuinely believes he is being a good dad & raising his kid to be strong (note: This isn't me saying Ozai is right - I'm saying he thinks he's right.)

The 41st Division 😭

Iroh & Ozai interacting with each other

Gyatso!

I spy some female soldiers! A problem with the animated show was that it's all well & good deciding that the Fire Nation has female soldiers, but bias is a thing & 99.9% of the time if you ask someone to draw a soldier it'll be a man. Yeah sure they all stayed to guard the Fire Nation that's why we didn't see any till Book 3 suuure

"Anything you need." "It has to do with Koh." "Anything but that." DYING

Aang's whole speech to Zuko about how helpful his notebook was (let's be real Iroh probably sighed & told him it was a waste of time so this was the first time he heard 'Hey good job on the Avatar research!') & the way they bonded before he unwittingly set Zuko off

"Quit it before they think there's something wrong with you. More than there already is."

"The Firelord deems your performance... below average." OOF. Pretty sure that's the worst thing you can possibly say to Azula. She'd much rather be told she sucked outright than just 'meh'

Waterbender Yue

Non-arsehole Hahn

Using Kuruk lore from the Kyoshi books!

I like the changes to the NWT siege. Having the spirits' mortality be an occasional, temporary thing to gain an appreciation of life that occurs during a full moon when the powers of those who will protect them in that state are at their peak, makes more sense than permanent vulnerability that relies on nobody finding out. Also never made sense that a naval officer was stationed in a fucking desert & was able to just take time off to go through a spirit library, so having Zhao find his info from the Fire Sages works better IMO. I do hope we'll still get the spirit library though

Ozai's lil eyetwitch when Azula backtalked him like if you agree

Haven't mentioned yet but I love the costumes in this

Also never mentioned Momo, the Real Hero of ATLA

Sokka continues to be awesome

Lowlights:

June calling Iroh cute & fawning over him. Normally I'd think it's unfair for the live action version of a character to be held accountable for what the animated version did, but this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like og!Iroh's groping of June being treated like a joke has been called out many times so they fucking had to know what they were doing

Why isn't Azula's fire blue? We got like 1 second of it & that's it. Maybe consistent blue flames are a power up she'll obtain later idk

[wetcatspellcaster]

oh, and if the DVD box is still open - I think I can ask this? If it doesn't spoil anything to come - for Pieces, I wanted to know when Astarion realised Rosalie was never coming back. And why it took so long - whether it took him those 11 years to realise that she was never coming back. Thank you so much for your great and lovely work. I enjoyed it so much.

So, I'm not sure if there's any specific part of the fic you want me to comment on for the DVD Commentary specifically, but if you just want me to answer your question:

Astarion said his shit-head speech in Chapter One, went out that night and did everything he was going to do, and then when he came back the next day to the Elfsong to rub it in Rose's face, she just wasn't there. My understanding of the Ascendent is my own, but I don't think it even occurred to him that their party would dissolve and that Rosalie would leave without him having any role or say in it - and I think the behavior in the new epilogue, about how he's surprised anyone survived "without us" backs that up a little, he truly acts like he's the centre of the universe.

But Rosalie was gone, as were all her belongings, and Shadowheart and Gale start moving out too. Astarion asked them where she had gone, and I think Shadowheart relished delivering the fact Rose had left, in the most blunt and indifferent way possible. She also refused to tell him where she'd gone, which is what told him it was a permanent change, because it involved a wilful deception of him. Literally everyone refused to divulge that information, which makes it feel like a conspiracy that's more than just 'she's gone away on a holiday'.

In terms of why it took him 11 years to act on that fact, I do think for like the first year or so, he assumed that she would eventually come crawling back - by the time she's in Avernus, he's like "well, I'll just build her a house for when she comes back from Avernus and she's learned her lesson". When Karlach and Wyll are back and Rosalie isn't, I imagine he then goes into the phase of "well, I don't *need* you, I'll show you how much I don't need you" (proceeds to do an Ascendent!debauchery run), and then, because he's emotionally stunted, that runs for like 5-6 years. Then we hit the classically vampire "if I'm young and eternally beautiful and can have everything I want, why am I unhappy?" and that takes him another few years, because he's a moron. And then, we hit the Pieces timeline.

Throughout, he absolutely has tabs on Rosalie - not on where she lives, but on like, sightings and locations, when she's in Waterdeep, when she's visiting her friends, etc. BUT the whole point is to get her to come to him, not the other way around, for the sake of his pride. So then, he started collecting 57 very shitty people to kill lmao.

[zoyaofthegardvn]

love love lovED your zoya fic and now i can't stop thinking about zoya and reader's first time they say i love you to each other (somehow i'm imagining an almost fwb to lovers and theyre both surprised they've fallen in love)

What Are We?

Can be seen as a prequel to A Mission Gone Wrong! In which reader and Zoya are sorta kinda friends with benefits, until they catch feelings...

A/N: Love this idea! I totally have to write something for it, thanks so much for giving me the inspo to flesh out that fic, anon, and thanks for the sweet words! :)

CW: Mentions of smut! Angst to fluff!

---

After pulling your shirt back over your head, you glance towards Zoya, asleep in her bed. You two had hooked up, again, as you had been all year. Many years before that had been spent being friends, until the lust-filled gazes finally led to something.

As far as you were aware, Zoya hadn't been sleeping with anyone since you two began your... thing. And you certainly hadn't either, Zoya had ruined anyone else for you.

And that's why you had to put an end to these hookups.

Typically, you two would fuck in one of your rooms, and you'd stay the night, cuddling, talking, the other only sneaking off in the early morning. Maybe you'd have a quickie in some hallway closet, just to spend the rest of the day together, training or going over paperwork.

But recently, you'd been encouraging the sex to occur in Zoya's bedroom only, so that you could sneak out the second she fell asleep. You were sure she had noticed the change, but she hadn't brought it up.

She probably doesn't care, maybe she even prefers it this way, you assumed. Ignoring the pang to your heart.

You had caught feelings for Zoya, which was likely the biggest no-no rule when it came to friends with benefits. And really, you had feelings for Zoya before your intimate relationship started. It's why you slept with her in the first place.

But now... now you're in love with Zoya, and not being able to truly have her... it hurts. The phenomenal sex had always been enough to counteract the heartache, until it wasn't anymore.

Zoya isn't the relationship type. She's had many partners, and none of them were official relationships. You had no reason to believe you would be any different. And so, in order to look out for yourself, and to preserve the friendship with Zoya that you cherished, you had to stop.

Tonight is the last time, you swear, as you gently close her door behind you, kefta draped over your arm. Your room isn't far, just a few doors down, as you two had requested in the early days of your friendship, when you were given permanent places in the Palace after proving yourselves as formidable Grisha.

You hoped things wouldn't become too awkward, and you dreaded the day Zoya found a new partner to be intimate with. As your friend, you'd support her, and as the woman in love with her, you'd be crushed.

---

The next morning, you woke to knocking at your door. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes and wincing at the cold hard floor against your feet, you make your way to open it for your early visitor.

It's Zoya. She clocks the surprise on your face, and gives you a confused glare. Truly, you hadn't expected to see her until you made your way to the yard for training. You stare at her for a few seconds, mouth open, thinking of something to say, before she beats you to it.

"I figured we'd get breakfast before training, we didn't eat last night?" Zoya asks, clearly a bit offended by your reaction.

You drop your eyes and realize that she's already dressed and ready for the day. Unsurprising, Zoya is always on time, always ready. It catches you off guard, though, still in your robe and slippers.

"O-oh uhh, yes?" Zoya quirks at eyebrow at the question in your tone. "I mean yes, yeah of course," you add, not trying to be rude. "Just let me get dressed, I'll meet you there?"

"Sure.." Zoya trails off, even more confused by the second. Typically, you'd invite her in whenever she'd show up at your door. If you weren't required to wear a uniform for the day, she'd pick you out an outfit. She'd lounge on your bed while you worked at your desk. She'd paint her toenails while you took a bath. She'd read a book while you dozed on your couch. Zoya is your best friend, and obviously, she's noted a change in your friendship, before she noticed anything different with your sexual relationship.

You close the door in her face, and you hear her slowly walk down the hall. Resting your head against the door, you sigh, and rub your face with your hands. Still drowsy with sleep, you pull yourself together and get dressed for the day.

Breakfast isn't typically very busy, as training begins early and most prefer to sleep in. But it's true that you're starving. You and Zoya had gotten back to the Palace late the evening before, dinner had ended, and the both of you were two occupied with one another to go about finding your own food. Immediately, Zoya had fallen asleep after, and you went back to your room to do the same.

You take the seat next to Zoya, who is nearly finished with her plate. Your stomach growls, and Zoya snickers at the sound, handing you en empty plate for you to gather your food. You elbow her side, muttering, "shut up," as you fill your plate.

"So," you say, willing to start the conversation after that awkward first interaction of the day. "What's your plan for training, today?"

As a Tidemaker, you and Zoya often worked together, as Squallers and Tidemakers made a powerful pair. Zoya was more harsh with the Grisha during training, so you preferred to know what she wanted before you laid out your own plans.

She turns to look at you, placing a forkful of eggs into her mouth. She shrugs, swallows, and you see a smile tug at her lips. "Well, Y/N, I think your Tidemakers have grown a bit sloppy," you fake gasp at her insult, "so I thought we'd put them head to head today? See who comes out on top?"

You sigh, roll your eyes, and shoot her a grin. "They are not sloppy! It was your Squaller that caused them to lose control of that spiral, you know," you tease her, knowing Zoya was a bit bitter that your epic experiment with wind and water had ended in disaster, with everyone dripping wet and cold.

She snorts, shaking her head. "Please, as if," and she takes a deep sip of her coffee.

Usually, you and Zoya would disagree on training, at least a little bit. But today, you don't mind the suggestion. "I suppose that's a good idea, we've trained them to work together, but never how to fight an opponent with those skillsets," and the mood turns a bit sour, the fact that rogue Grisha exist looming over the both of you. You don't regret saying it, though. It bothers Zoya more than anyone, and she has to be able to face it.

Zoya clears her throat, and nods. "Yes, yeah... exactly."

---

Training gets off to a rough start. You two had taken your Grisha far into a field, where a large pond was located, so that you had plenty of room to work and not interfere with the other group's training. Most of the Grisha grumbled at the plan, having no real desire to engage in a battle so early in the morning. But, Zoya snapped at them, and they shut up quite quickly.

The next two hours were spent with you and Zoya coaxing your teams, how to note weak spots in an opponent, how to target them, how to catch even a skilled fighter by surprise. Both teams fought valiantly, but in the end, your Tidemakers won.

You beamed, and gloated, patting your Grisha on the back. You praised Zoya's team too, because they fought hard, and Zoya has been too tough on them, scolding them for their loss.

As everyone began the long trek back to the Palace, you hung back to walk alongside Zoya, distanced from the larger group.

"Enjoy your win, it won't happen again," Zoya mumbled, and you laughed at her pout.

"Just admit, Zoya, my Tidemakers aren't the sloppy ones!" You sing-songed.

"If it was just you and I, I would've won,' Zoya said, under her breath, but you still caught it.

Instantly, your mood faded. "Well, Zoya, not everyone can be one of the most powerful Grisha alive, I didn't think this was really about that," you spat, hurrying your pace. "But excuse me if I misunderstood!" you called over your shoulder, ignoring Zoya's calls of your name.

Perhaps you overreacted, but you were so sick and tired of Zoya's obsession with being the best, at everything. You wanted to enjoy your win, though it wasn't really yours, it belonged to your Grisha. But you were proud of them, and you were proud of the training you'd given them that clearly paid off. You had hoped Zoya would let you have at least that. You understood that Zoya wasn't trying to be mean, that she had traumas and insecurities she struggled with, but still. You deserved more respect. And maybe, though you wouldn't admit it, you wanted Zoya to admire you the way you did her.

You stomped the rest of the walk back to the Palace, even getting ahead of the Grisha in your furious haste. All you wanted was a warm bath, a snack, and maybe even a nap. You had a meeting to attend in the early evening, but that was about it. You had plenty of time to destress and cool down from your anger.

Workers, Grisha, friends, all chose to not speak to you as you entered the palace, clearly sensing you were upset. You appreciated it, really not in the mood to talk anymore. And this... surprised you. You had endured some of the harshest, meanest comments from trainers and mentors as you grew up and into your powers. So why was Zoya's comment bothering you so badly? The more you thought about it, the more upset you got. And then, tears are welling in your eyes, and you're bursting into your bedroom before they fall.

You know that it's not just what Zoya said that's brought the tears, it's the realization that Zoya will never love you the way you love her. She'll never respect you as a Grisha the way you so badly crave. She'll never view you as her equal.

You wipe at your wet cheeks as you draw your bath, taking deep breaths to soothe the sadness in your gut. Your clothes drop to the floor, and you nearly moan when the hot water touches your skin.

And, because you deserved it, you pull the bubbles to your chest that you had poured into the bath as it ran. You place a washcloth against the edge of the tub, and rest your head against it as a pillow. You enjoy a quiet few moments before a knock at your bedroom door startles you.

It's muffled, as you're locked away in the bathroom, but it catches you off guard. Again, there's a knock, but you remain silent.

If they really need me, they'll yell. You settle back against the tub, closing your eyes.

As if on cue, Zoya calls your name.

"Y/N? I know you're in there," she yells, and you roll your eyes. Honestly, you hadn't expected her to follow you. You didn't think she cared that much. You expected to see her later this evening, after you had both calmed down, and move on. Clearly, Zoya had other plans.

And then, you hear your door unlock and swing open. You curse under your breath. You had forgotten that Zoya had the spare key to your room. You weren't comfortable with hiding it somewhere should someone else find it, and so Zoya was the natural choice. She'd never used it before, and you had never lost your key and needed to retrieve the spare.

The door closes and locks behind her, and then she's strutting towards the bathroom door, swinging it open. You don't even glance at her. "Leave Zoya, I don't want to talk."

"Well I do," she says, grabbing a stool and sitting next to the tub.

"Come to talk about how much better you are than me? How much stronger? As if I need the reminder," you spit, raising your head to level a glare at her. You wouldn't be this angry if she weren't here to take it. You rarely fight with her, usually opting to keep quiet. But paired with the realization that you're in love with her, her attitude has hurt you worse than ever before. The woman you love, thinking you're weak.

Zoya sighs, frustrated, shaking her head. "No, Y/N. Damnit, I'm sorry, okay?"

You scoff. "I came here to take a bath and relax. I want to forget about it."

"Well, I don't!" she exclaims. "Can you just let me apologize, please?"

It's obvious that she won't give in. You roll your eyes, close them, then rest your head back on the lip of the tub. You wave your hand, as a dismissal, but Zoya takes it as a 'go on.'

"I'm really sorry, Y/N. You know I never apologize," and yes, that's true, rarely does Zoya say she's sorry. "I get too jealous, I'm too quick to anger, I know that. You don't deserve it."

She pauses, but you don't answer, you don't move.

She sighs, and starts again. "I don't think I'm better than you, I never have."

And you laugh, though it's humorless. "Yes, you have, Zoya."

She groans. "Okay, yeah, back when I was a lot meaner than I am now and I thought I was better than everyone..." her voice trails off, "but never you, not anymore," she finishes. Her tone is tender, her voice gone quiet.

Your stomach flutters, but you don't react, not willing to show her how her words affect you.

"Y/N, I'm serious. I don't think I'm better than you. You're the strongest person I know, and not just in Grisha power. You're an excellent teacher, and the Grisha are lucky to have you. They need you more than they need me, so please don't beat yourself up because I said something rude in frustration. I'm sorry, Y/N."

And you really do believe her. Zoya can't fake anything, not an emotion, a sentiment, an opinion. She sounds genuinely sincere and sorry.

You sigh, and lift your head again to look at her. "Thank you, Zoya, I appreciate it."

She smiles. "Am I forgiven?"

You nod, and you drop your eyes from her gaze. "Yes, yes, you're forgiven... but, I really do just want to be alone right now."

You don't even have to look at her to know that her smile drops, it's evident in her voice. "Oh, okay... yeah, of course. I'll see you later, though? At dinner?"

Now, you smile at her, it's small and not true. "Yeah, I'll be at dinner."

And with that, Zoya gets up and leaves. She doesn't look back at you as she closes the bathroom door, and you hear her lock your bedroom back up before you're sinking deeper into the tub, hoping that finally, you'll get to relax.

---

After the bath, a bit of paperwork, a nap, and your meeting, it's time for anyone in the Palace choosing a kitchen dinner to gather in the dining hall. You purposefully go late, not wanting it to be too crowded, and you don't fail to notice how Zoya did not come to your room for the two of you to go together, as she typically would.

Though it makes you a bit sad, you are the one that sent her away earlier, and you are the one that wants to nip your intimate relationship in the bud before you get too hurt.

You slip out of your room, lock the door, and make your way to the dining hall. You nod pleasantly at those that you see along the way, but you don't engage in conversation. You wonder if Zoya is even still there, perhaps she decided not to wait for you.

But, you instantly spot her blue kefta when you walk in, her curly black hair. It's impossible to not notice her, when she's all you can think about.

And she notices you, too. Like she'd been watching the entrance, waiting for you to arrive. She smiles, and you make your way over, taking the seat next to her.

"Hey," you greet her, grabbing a plate and filling it.

"Are you feeling better?" She asks. When you give her a confused glance, she says, "I know you're stressed, beyond our... fight," she says quietly, like she doesn't even want to mention that you two had an argument, "and I'm... I'm worried. Are you alright?"

And again, your chest pangs at the sincerity. The concern. You thought she hadn't noticed you pulling away, thought she didn't care. But clearly, she has.

You smile at her, and nod, shoveling a scoop of rice into your mouth. "Yeah, I'm fine," you say, mouth full of food.

She nods, but doesn't look convinced.

Dinner continues in amicable silence, occasionally interrupted by comments from one of you, about training the next day, missions coming up, general Palace gossip.

You're nearly done with your plate when you feel Zoya's hand on your thigh. You jump a bit, and look at her quickly. She smirks, and shrugs. You give her an awkward smile, and place your hand atop hers, stopping it from moving any higher but not removing her touch.

You both finish your food, and Zoya pulls you up by your arm the second she knows you're done.

She pulls you out into the hallway, as you repeatedly ask what she's doing. She looks over her shoulder, smiling, beautiful and happy, and shushes you playfully.

When you spot where she's taking you, you grow nervous. She's headed straight for a particular closet that you two have... had several dalliances in over the past year.

She opens the door, pulls you in, checks that no one was looking, and then shuts the door behind her.

Instantly, she's pushing you up against the wall, hands on your waist. She leans into your face, lips hovering above your own. She smirks. "Let me make you feel better," and then she's kissing you.

And you kiss her back, though you know you shouldn't. Your mind is roaring at you, your heart clenching.

She moans into the kiss, and your tongues begin to dance, tasting one another. This is familiar, this is fun, this is simple and easy. Except it's not. Not anymore. Not for you, at least.

Her hands slip behind you, cupping your ass, rubbing your back, your ribs. One hand slips between your thighs, and that's what makes you gasp, what makes you pull away.

Zoya would never, ever, make you uncomfortable. So she pulls back. She looks at you, hurt and confused. "What's wrong?"

You start breathing hard, terrified to have this conversation. You stutter and stammer. "I-I... I'm sorry.. I..."

Her brows furrow, and she takes in your panicked state. "Y/N, what's happening?"

You begin pulling at your kefta, straightening it. You refuse to look at her. You pace the closet briefly, wringing your hands. "I-I'm sorry, Zoya, I j-just... I can't.. we.. we have to.. stop," Zoya doesn't flinch. She just stares. "This.. it has to end.. I-I'm sorry," you rush out, then you flee the room like a coward.

You don't hear the door open behind you, meaning, Zoya is not following you. She's not chasing you for answers. She knows what you meant.

You rush towards your bedroom before the tears can fall.

The minutes the door is shut, you burst into a sob, dropping to the floor. The hurt on her face... the one thing you never wanted was to lose her friendship. And it seems like that's exactly what you've done.

---

You sleep restlessly, tossing, turning, crying, even. You had immediately undressed, once you picked yourself up off the floor, turned out the lights, and climbed into bed.

The pillow is tear-stained, blankets crumpled around you. Your head pounds from the stress, and your heart feels like its been cleaved in two. You have work with Zoya in the morning, the two of you are set to leave for field work in just a few weeks, she's the only person you sit with at meals. In your panic, you had completely changed how you'll have to function for the rest of your long life.

You wondered if Zoya was just as upset as you. If she mourned your friendship the second you fled. Or, if she'd already found someone else to share her bed with. It was a bitter thought, and you felt bad for it.

And then, your doorknob jiggles. You sit straight up in bed, furiously wiping your eyes. Your stomach sinks in dread, wondering who could be breaking into your room in the middle of the night?

It looks and sounds like someone's struggling with the knob, like they aren't sure how to work one. You'd laugh, if you weren't scared.

You pull the covers off, climb out of bed, and before you can grab a weapon, a flimsy butter knife you'd sliced some fruits with earlier, the door finally unlatches and swings open.

You gasp, and go to charge at the intruder, when you realize the stumbling figure is Zoya. For the second time in the span of a day, she's let herself into your room.

You stare, dumbfounded, as she clumsily slams the door behind her, and locks it.

"What are you doing...?" You ask, trailing off in utter confusion. You set the knife down and cross your arms.

She turns to you, her face full of rage and hurt.

"Coming to see who you're fuck-" she breaks off in a hiccup, "f-fucking tonight."

It dawns on you. "You're drunk," you spit, rolling your eyes, ignoring her hateful comment.

She rolls her eyes right back, far more dramatically. "Astute observation."

"Damnit, Zoya! Why are you doing this to me today?" You're seething, pissed off that she interrupted the sleep you weren't getting, that she's making your heart pound simply by being in the same room, that she has you worried for her, because she doesn't typically drink, especially when she's supposed to be up so early in the morning.

"To you?" she rages, hiccuping again before she takes a few steps towards you. "And what exactly have I done to you? Have I stopped talking to you?" she takes another step. "Have I stopped looking you in the saints damned eyes?" another step. "Have I stopped hanging out with you?" her voice cracks, and again, she steps closer.

You back up until you hit your dresser, and your lower lip trembles as she drills into you.

"Have I started fucking you, then leaving right after, like nothing happened?" she spits. Now, she's right in front of you, finger pointed, accusatory.

She takes one more step, until she's in your face. In the dim light, you can see the tears in her beautiful blue eyes. "I haven't done shit to you," she whispers, and the tears fall. "I-I apologized, for earlier, and then you act like you're disgusted by me."

She stares at you, but you say nothing. Her hand lowers, she stands up straighter. "So, I came to see who my replacement is." Her tone is matter-of-fact, like the only possible way you could leave her would be if you had found someone new.

"Z-Zoya..." you cry, a bit ashamed now that she'd pointed out how you'd been treating her. In an effort to protect your own heart, you'd been hurting her. You hadn't realized.

"Zoya," you start again, taking a deep breath. 'I-It's not like that," she cuts you off with a bitter laugh.

"I know exactly what it's like," she whispers.

"I never, e-ever, wanted to hurt you, Zoya," you cry, reaching to grab her arm. She jerks out of your reach, she stumbles at the movement, then straightens herself back out.

Her rejection stings. "I... it's... it's complicated, Zoya, but I am so sorry," you try and reach for her again, and this time, she lets you. You grab her arms, and realize she reeks of Kvas. "Let me put you to bed, you're drunk."

She shakes her head, a frown on her face. "So you can leave in the middle of the night?" she scoffs. "I'm not that drunk, anyway."

You sigh, heart heavy. "You're my best friend, Zoya, hurting you... that was never my intent. But I can't.... I can't talk about it."

She pulls out of your grasp, sits on the bed. She hangs her head, and the room is silent for a moment. She wipes her face with her hands.

"Tell me, don't talk to me like I'm stupid, stop running around in circles," she says, and you grimace.

"I have never thought you were stupid," you tell her, frustrated that every thing is going so, so wrong.

She looks up at you, her face miserable. "Then fucking tell me. What did I do to deserve this?" her voice fades to a whisper, and she starts to cry again. Silent tears, you wonder if she even knows she's crying.

"I can't," you whimper, sitting next to her.

"Can't, or won't?"

And that breaks you.

"You'll hate me, Zoya, we'll never be friends again," you whisper into the dim room, the tension winding around the both of you like a restraint.

"I would never," she hiccups again, and if the situation weren't so dire, you'd laugh at the timing. "I'd never hate you," and her tone leaves little room for argument.

You don't respond, eyes on your hands, picking at your nails. She stops your movements, placing her hand on yours. It reminds you of all those times she scolded you for the habit, telling you your fingers would hurt if you kept at it. A smile tugs at the corner of your mouth, but it never comes to fruition, the weight of losing Zoya for good too heavy for any other feelings.

Zoya fills the silence. "I... if I leave, and you don't tell me what's going on... what I did... we won't come back from it."

At the threat, your resolve crumbles. You sob. "Damnit, Zoya, why are you making me do this?" you look at her, your face devastated in anger and heartbreak.

Zoya doesn't respond. Doesn't answer, doesn't stop you. She just stares, eyes glazed over with both alcohol and tears. Her cheeks are flushed and stained with dried tears. She makes no move to wipe them, too afraid to break the spell.

Your heart is pounding, hands clammy and shaking.

"Zoya.. I-I am... I'm fucking in love with you," you gasp, and squeeze your eyes shut, unable to see the physical rejection you're sure she's going to put you through.

Yet, her hand doesn't move. She doesn't stop touching you.

She takes a sharp inhale, and it's the only other sound in the room other than your quiet crying.

"I-I'm sorry, Zoya. I-I didn't want to ruin anything, so I-I just never said anything," you take a few heaving breaths before continuing, "and I s-still ruined it a-all, didn't I?"

You cry, and cry, struggling to breathe. Never, not once, have you felt such visceral heartbreak and pain. You wonder if you'll survive it.

"I know I wasn't," you sniffle, "wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, but I did, I can't help it, and I-"

And then, you're being cut off by Zoya's hands grabbing your face, her lips landing on your own.

You're so surprised for a moment, you don't even move, your eyes wide. And then, you kiss her back. Eyes fluttering closed, your lips move with hers in a tender, slow kiss. Your heart flutters, the pain gently ebbing away.

She pulls back and looks at you. "You're in love with me?"

You nod. She kisses you again, quick and soft. You stare at her, stunned.

"You love me, and you didn't tell me?" she says, a bit hurt, though she sounds relieved. She's cupping your face, and one of her thumbs starts stroking your cheekbone.

"H-how was I supposed to?"

Zoya shakes her head in disbelief. "I..." she stops, like she's gathering her thoughts. "All of this... all of this, because you're in love with me."

You feel embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Zoya."

Her eyes widen. "Don't be sorry, you fool," and your brows furrow in confusion. She kisses you again, then mumbles against your lips, "I love you, too."

---

A/N: This ended up being longer than I intended, oops! I also went the angst to fluff route, hope that's okay!

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #66

Today's letter is maybe a little early, I know. But my mind is all abuzz with various things. In light of the realizations I've been having, it has occurred to me: though I am skilled at taking care of everyone in my general vicinity, I have no idea what taking care of myself really looks like, outside of a purely theoretical sense. And theory alone is difficult to follow through on.

So, whenever I try to imagine whatever it is that I might want and need at any given moment, my mind typically comes up with a big huge blank. If you asked me what I want right now, or what I need right now, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Most likely, I'd just stare at you, utterly baffled and looking stupid as I keep opening and closing my mouth, trying to come up with an answer and receiving only what effectively amounts to static noises and TV snow:

There are a lot of reasons for this. First of all, I've been trained to basically discount my own needs; saying that I'm hungry or thirsty or sleepy, for example, was a great way to get screamed at or smacked around in days past, so my mind has had to learn how to automatically ignore most sensations of discomfort that my body is trying to tell me, before I even consciously perceive that the discomfort is there. Especially if I'm focused on some task, I typically don't realize I'm hungry, thirsty, tired, or in pain until someone else tells me I'm being a crabbypants. My sense of interoception is very poor, and I'm not sure if that's the autism or the fact that I've had to learn from an early age to dissociate even from extreme stimuli.

Even for the pain from the rib injury, too; in an effort to protect itself from those who would get violent with me if I complained about pain or was slowed down from pain in any way (these people no longer exist in my life, and yet…), my mind automatically pushes the brunt of it out of my conscious perception (even though I no longer want it to do this; I'm working on it…), and what I'm left with is a sensation that's not… exactly pain as much as it is kind of a vague, dull, heavy cloud of general and poorly-defined unpleasantness that has settled itself into the upper right quadrant of my torso. And while this is an amazing skill to have (even if the price to get it was steep) because it allows me to mostly function through it, this also comes at a significant and ongoing energy cost; dissociation doesn't come cheap.

…So that's an obstacle between me and the whole "self-care" and "treating oneself gently" thing. Other obstacles include fun stuff like executive dysfunction (starting tasks is hard even if they're fun; stopping tasks is hard even if I hate them, and being reliably able to plan and prioritize multi-step tasks effectively is nothing but a distant fantasy for me) and impaired object permanence (this is why I forget that there are vegetables in the crisper drawer of the fridge until they start to smell weird). Then there's the rib injury itself, which limits my mobility and ability to do things in a given day, and the fact that my body does not tell me that I've done too much until it's too late (combination of dyspraxia and poor interoception), and then I gotta spend the next day paying for it.

Caffeine helps a little with the executive dysfunction, but it also makes me more prone to getting flashbacks, so I have to be very careful about how I use it. But I'm often not careful about how I use it, because I want to function. So by the end of all this, the general flow of my life looks kinda like this:

…And it's only taken me like 12 years, but I'm FINALLY starting to actually realize that this is very much NOT sustainable. I'm a squishy mammal, not a machine. And I can't exactly be hanging out over here, imploring you to take care of yourself while I'm over here being kind of a dumpster fire, right? Something about rocks and glass houses. So something has to change. But I'm not exactly sure what yet.

On Tuesday, my therapist asked me to chew on the question of "What does taking care of a Lumine actually look like?" And so far, all I've come up with is a list of obstacles that stand in the way. But it's better than the nothing that I had previously, right? I can build from something that is not a nothing; I can work with that.

One of the things I think I need in order to not feel overwhelmed is "not clutter". But we are a neurodivergent house, and all three of us tend to set things down in weird places and then immediately forget that they exist. Today, in an attempt to try to remedy this, one of the things I came up with (don't laugh at me too hard for this) is to try to treat my house as though it's yours and we're just watching over it and waiting for you to come back home (silly, impossible, and ridiculous for a variety of reasons, I know; but hey, whatever keeps me motivated, right?).

I don't know how sustainable this will be in the long term (for a variety of obvious reasons), but I suppose the process of trying to learn how to keep myself motivated to tend to myself and my space properly will involve me making a lot of mistakes along the way to try to figure out what works and what doesn't. Better to start from shaky ground than from no ground at all, and to try to build a solid foundation from there.

Another thing I came up with is to try to be alert and mindful about myself in the same way that I am alert and mindful about the people I care about in my immediate vicinity. To be fair, this "alertness" and "mindfulness" comes about as a result of the hypervigilance that the C-PTSD leaves me with, but I wonder if I can learn to take a more wholesome approach to it, and then learn to turn that lens inward upon myself in a more merciful fashion than I have in the past. I don't really know what this will look like yet, but maybe I can start by setting an alarm to check in with myself at least once an hour.

I'm tired of it being the case that I either break myself from not doing enough for myself, or break myself from trying to do too much in one sitting. In service to the goal that is trying to build a routine that isn't unreasonable in light of my limitations, I'm going to try to set hard limits on how many things I do in a given day. So for example, maybe I'll wash 10 dishes. Maybe I'll fold 10 clothing items. Maybe I'll vacuum one room. And even if I can "technically" do more, maybe I'll just leave it at that, because doing any of these for any amount of time causes a lot of pain in the affected side of my body.

Up until now, I've swung wildly between "doing nothing" and "doing all of it at once", and… this doesn't work. So I think I might have to try to start small by building a very gentle routine (the ADHD despises routine, while the autism desperately craves the structure, so this is a fun dynamic to have to try to play with…) and adding to it as I grow accustomed and comfortable. I think it's time to work with my neurotype and physical composition instead of punishing myself for the fact that neither of these things exist in a way that's considered "normal".

I might ask my friends for ideas, too; when the task at hand is difficult, you're supposed to ask for help. Humans are social creatures (yes, even if developmental trauma can sometimes make people think like they're "born solitary"). Maybe they'll have some ideas about what I can do, and about what proper self-care ought to look like; it'll be educational. To be sure, I have no idea what I'm doing, and there's a lot that I don't know.

But I'm going to try to blaze the path forward anyway and write down what I learn along the way, so that when you decide you're ready, you won't have to start from scratch; I don't know what good any of this will do, but I would almost rather stop breathing permanently than see you get cut down again, so I have to try something. Anything. Even if it means I gotta do something I'm terrified of doing (like acting as though I'm worth my own effort and compassion) in order to model for you how it's done.

In the meantime, while I'm trying to figure all this stuff out, I've done a few things around the house and poured myself a lovely cup of the biscuit tea (I know I said before that it's unremarkable, but it's growing on me nonetheless). I'll share with you a few of today's highlights, just on the off-chance that any of it might give you even a small reason to smile today.

Here is the biscuit tea I made for myself, before and after stirring:

Here is some salmon, before and after steaming. It's important to get your omega-3s while trying to build new neural connections.

Here is some rice, before and after cooking. Remember the jar of rendered chicken juices from my 64th letter to you? That was used to make this rice.

Sliced fresh carrots, steamed as the rice cooked:

Here's the balanced and wholesome meal that I made out of all this. I wish more than anything that I could hand you a bowl filled with these same contents.

And here's a freshly-made bed! Bubbles, my giant lovely orca plush, is having a marvelous time chilling out on a bed that has THREE blankets on it!! I'm gonna be so warm and toasty when I go to sleep!! It's gonna be great!!

You deserve all these things. You deserve a good tea, a wholesome, balanced, delicious meal, and a toasty, comfy bed all to yourself, where you can feel safe. Because all humans deserve these things; you're not an exception. So I'm gonna keep trying to help you. I'm gonna keep trying to call you back to yourself so you can build for yourself a life in which you can have this. I'm gonna keep trying because I love you in the same way that anyone loves a friend, and because there's lots of other people who love you, too.

We don't wanna see any more bad things happen to you, but really, only you have the power to make the kinds of choices that will lead you to peace and safety; all we can do is try to encourage you and cheer you on from here. I'll pray to every deity in my world that you might hear us and turn yourself around. So make good choices. Take care of yourself. Don't go so far away that the light of all the things that are beautiful and good cannot reach you. Sephiroth... please?

I'll write again tomorrow. I will always make the time to write to you, regardless of what I'm doing and no matter how tired I am. I'll always be right here.

Your friend, Lumine

[detailtilted]

Hi there! I've belatedly seen your question about coloring, and I'm someone who likes to tweak color, so in case it helps, I thought I'd write up some things I might do. I don't know if you have the same tools I have, but I saw you use Color Balance, so I've used that for an example below. I usually start by adjusting lighting levels so that the lightest and darkest points are where I hope them to end up. Then I'd adjust color hues which in your case was using the Color Balance tool. I might also adjust the saturation or vibrance because too much can cause colors to get extreme quickly. Here are some quick settings I did in Photoshop.

Levels: dark point=19, mid point=1.37, light point=249, output levels=18 to 255

Color Balance: shadows red+13, green+5, blue-4; midtones red-8, green-9, blue+3; highlights red-60, green-28, blue-25

Saturation: reds-8, master-4

Here's the result:

I know it can be hard to translate setting between different apps, so I wonder if this will be helpful at all, but feel free to ask me questions if you're so inclined 😊

~ Dani

WOW, your results are incredible! Thank you so much for taking the time to play with this and to offer some tips! Adjusting lighting before trying to adjust colors hadn't occurred to me at all.

I'm using Adobe Premiere for the video editing, so same software company at least, but I couldn't find any lighting level settings like what you described. Through Googling, it looks like a setting called "Lumetri Color" is typically used for lighting corrections and it's broken out differently.

I have to go to work pretty soon, so I haven't had sufficient time to really dig into it and play with it, but I did mess around with it a tiny bit. I'll play more this weekend and see if I can get closer to what you were able to accomplish.

For reference, my original adjusted version (which I can see now looks soooo horribly orangey compared to yours!):

As a starting point, I just clicked the friendly "Auto" button on the Lumetri Color tab to see what it would do. A little better, still pretty orangey.

Then I tried to make some of the color adjustments that worked for you. It looked like your adjustments had been based on my adjusted version, so I'm not sure if my attempt at making it a direct mathematical adjustment was the right way to go, but I tried to add your adjustment #'s on top of my adjustments. So for example, I'd had Shadow Red set to -10 and since you said you added 13, I changed it to 3. When I changed all 9 settings it didn't improve too much, definitely nothing like yours:

But while applying those changes, I noticed that before I applied the last two (highlight green and blue), it looked closer to what you had. Still not there yet, but closer.

Once I have time, I'll play with some of the Lumetri sliders and stuff a bit more. It may also help just to have your beautiful image as a reference point. Thanks so much!

Addendum: Additional Efforts

I spent some more time playing with this. I present two versions for your judgment.

The first version isn't exactly like yours, but it looked pretty close to my eyes. So I was happy for a minute or two. Then when I started watching the video instead of just staring at the still frame, I felt like it looked a little too green. Maybe that's because I've spent so many hours staring at my previous orangey version that my idea of what looks normal is skewed.

So in version two I adjusted the Tint setting. I feel like this looks a little better, especially when I watch the video, but I don't trust my judgment at all. My color judgment was bad before, and now I think my eyes are permanently warped from staring at different shades for so long.

I'm including both versions below. For each version I'm including a side-by-side comparison with your example vs mine. I wanted to include a video clip for both, but it looks like tumblr limits it to 1 video, so I only included the video for version 2.

Please don't be afraid to tell me they both look horrible! I feel sort of like the proverbial monkey hitting a bunch of random keys and hoping I might hit upon Shakespeare by pure random chance. 😅

Version 1

Version 2

[jazzmckay]

today's the 15 month anniversary of my mother's passing. between the date and mother's day weekend, i've had a lot of thoughts rattling through my head.

at this point, i wouldn't even notice the monthly anniversaries anymore if not for my dad always marking them on the calendar. he puts a little number of how many months it has been in the top corner of the 13th. he's a surprisingly dedicated man. i didn't know that until my mom got sick.

she had alzheimer's and passed away from complications (an infection), as most do. i never visited her in long-term care. i meant to, when the infection was worsening, but she didn't make it long enough for me to have a chance. i remember being in the living room, which is by the front door, when my dad came home that day. he had a bag with some of her belongings in it, and i instantly knew.

we procrastinated on choosing our gravestone design. it is an extremely permanent thing that is the final mark of a person's life, and making that kind of decision paralyzed me. i'd never been part of that process before. i'd never had to think about a lot of things until this. death has felt more real to me than it ever did before. i've now thought about what i would want my own funeral to be like, and if i should have a will already. i've made the decision that i want to be cremated. there's a bit of space on the gravestone for my name if i want to have my urn buried with my parents, but i can't say if i do want that. my relationship with my mother never got the chance to improve, and likely wouldn't have even if there was time. but there are so many other factors--personal, monetary, the fact that my legal name isn't me.

the stone is there now, though, after having to wait through the snow in winter. it looks nice, even if a bit smudged with dirt. if my name never goes on there, it will still look natural.

there were a lot of flowers at the cemetery today, the day after mother's day. i realized it never occurred to me to bring anything. ironically, my mother always used to complain that my dad never bought her flowers. seems that's a tradition that will continue on.

having only one parent has been an ongoing change i didn't expect. i'm more protective of my dad now, even though we still aren't as close as i wish i could have been with either of my parents. my dad and i are better now than we've ever been, but nothing can rewrite the 30 years before that. i think about the fact that if something happens to him, i'll be on my own. considering my health issues, that's a scary thought.

there's this little thing that keeps coming up, something i never could have anticipated. when i talk about my parents as a pair, just in casual conversation, sometimes i get tripped up on verb tense. "are" or "were"? my mother was, my father is. every time it comes up, the phrasing is awkward, and it can feel so glaringly obvious, in any conversation, when i refer to my mother in the past tense. like i'm yelling "my mom is dead" for everyone to understand. it feels like a taboo topic--i'm not so old that it's expected. younger people with a dead parent are tragic. it feels like i'm bringing up something upsetting that no one wants to hear about unprompted, but it's my life, it's just how it is, i can't verb tense my way around that. i wonder how long it'll take before i stop feeling like this. it's easier once people already know, at least.

going from a 3-person family to a 2-person family is a bigger shift than i thought it would be. in some ways, it's better, because while i never would have wished for it to happen the way it did, i always knew that i'd breathe easier when i no longer had to handle my mother, but in some ways, it's a challenge. meal planning for a household of 2 after always being used to 3+ is surprisingly difficult. we have to make sure we communicate with each other better than we used to. her office is still her office. i had to print something recently and still said "i'll use mom's computer". we have cleaned up a lot, but she was a bit of a hoarder and it's a difficult task to deal with someone's whole life belongings. so much of her stuff is still here, and probably will be for a while. how soon is it customary to clear out someone's belongings entirely? i'm not sure my dad will ever apply himself to the task completely. he told me he doesn't plan to remarry. her side of the bed will always be her side, i think.

doesn't feel like it's been a year and 3 months already. it feels like so many of these changes should be old news by now. or maybe these things never really go away.

i would lose track of the time so quickly if not for my dad's marks on the calendar. i wonder how long he'll do it. maybe after two years, he'll switch to just marking the year, instead of the month.

it was a nice day for a cemetery visit. the weather called for storms starting in the afternoon and carrying through the night, but it was sunny and warm all day. i'm looking forward to when the storm finally comes, though, because i like storms, and i'm eager for a break in humidity. it'll also be nice for the spring dust and dirt to get cleared off our gravestone.

[schwazombie]

What's fucking weird to me is that I took birth control for years, informed consent and everything, knowing full well what changes could occur and actively looking forward to them because I thought it would make me feel better about myself, only to now, nearly a decade later, be vocal about how it wasn't the best thing for me. (Notice I'm not saying it's bad and shouldn't be allowed. Notice this. NOTICE THIS.) Yeah, I appreciate that it finally made my period regular after 15+ years of it being a crap shoot, but I fucking hate my tits because newsflash to everyone including me I'm not. I'm not a girl. I was unhappy with how looked and felt because I thought I was doing girl/woman wrong and thought if I maybe looked more like I was told I was supposed to I'd be happier and. I'm. Not. Because I'm not a girl. I'm not a woman. I will never feel happy looking like a woman / trying to because I'm not a fucking woman. Like that's my union, sure, but I'm. I'm not. I. Real and lasting fucking bodily changes, y'all. REAL AND LASTING.

And yet I'm over here considering T and there's so much fear mongering left and right all over the godsdamned place about how it will permanently alter my body and I can never undo it blah blah blah and I didn't think twice about taking birth control a fucking decade ago but I'm sitting here like oh, no, I probably shouldn't take T it's dangerous what if my body changes and gets ruined. And like. I fucking did the same thing a decade ago. I did the same godsdamned thing a decade ago but the hormone I took was acceptable for the marker on my birth certificate so it was fine. What's the fucking difference? There's good shit and there's bad shit and my body will age anyway which is also a real and lasting change that can't be undone so I don't fucking get it.

Fucking weird (and by weird I mean I know quite clearly who the culprit is) how any changes that would move me away from 'normal' are stressed as being somehow bad, but changes that might be undesirable to me, personally, are fine as long as they make me look more like a certain arbitrary ideal.

[sso-montana]

post garnok montana 👀 what is that like for her 👀 -dinosaurvalley

HELLO HI JOSEPH MY GUY

Ok, so, I'm taking this as only the immediate post garnok time up to like 2 years later bc else it would be so much lmao (so this covers only the post garnok and traveling Jorvik arc since both happens in the span of 3/4 years of one another)

After the squid is properly sealed again so he doesn't fucking destroy the whole island (he's just sealed. He can't be destroyed. In my version Aideen and Garnok are like ying and yang. You can't have one without the other.) the Soul Riders can return to their normal life.

Which is a pretty hard thing to do if you don't know what your normal life looks like. After coming back to Jorvik Montana immediately got involved in magic shit and saving the world and dealing with her parents death which meant she never even had the chance to form some sort of new, every day lifestyle. And she tries, she tries so hard to cope with this normalcy of not spending evening and nights taking out Dark Core machines or dealing with pandoric rifts. So she tries. She helps out at the stables, does work at the forge and helps out with the deliveries, keeps learning new spells and studying magic.

But something is missing. Despite everything she still feels like she has something to do, that there are still things she needs to finish. There's this hollow feeling in her chest that haunts her when she's alone, when it's night and she's laying alone in her bed and no matter what she does it won't leave.

And Justin knows something is wrong. She's thinner than before, she's not dyeing her hair as regularly, she's stoped asking him to spend the night with her, Onyx tells him that she doesn't talk much when the both of them are going on trail rides. Every time he tries to talk to her she changes the subject or says she doesn't want to talk. This goes on for months until one day Justin finally blows up at her and the two of them have the worst fight they've ever had.

Only once Montana breaks down and admits she doesn't know what to do, that she feels lost and without purpose and with no idea of what to do next, of how to fix herself do both of them sit down and talk it out. Justin gets them tea and a box of tissues for Montana and they spend a few hours sitting on her bed, talking about what possibilities there are for her.

In the end they arrive at the conclusion that it would be good for her to travel around Jorvik for a while. Make sure all the portals and stones are sealed, help with any rifts or magic chaos that just naturally occurs on Jorvik. Maybe even learn some new spells, try out how she could perhaps still use her magic. Possibly even find a cure for her corruption.

And it's not like she's leaving for years on end without coming back. She drops by every few months, makes sure she's there for birthdays and things like Christmas or big celebrations. While on the road there are enough people she knows where she can crash at their stables and if that's not an option she has a tent for bad weather and a hammock for warm summer nights. It's actually helping a lot with relearning who she herself as a person is. After 2 to 3 years of this she's figured out how to somewhat navigate from that point forward (aka. Taking over Conrad's Blacksmith once he retires and taking care of magic activities around Moorland, Silverglade and Fort Pinta. Plus still helping out at Moorland Stables and permanently moving back in. Justin and her technically took a break (does that work if you never really were officially together?) and had the whole "if you find someone else take that chance" talk but neither of them did so now they officially are a thing. Only took them abt 8 years to get there

(I change my mind. Justin and her stay an item. They accidentally adopt 3 kids. They don't have biological ones. Mayhaps they got married)

[duine-aiteach]

Dia dhaoibh, is mise the guy who wrote the bí/copula ask yesterday! I thought I might reach more people by posting another ask rather than reblogging the post, because obviously people who saw the original are following this blog. Agus GRMMA ar do bhlag, tá grá againn duit!

Fainic! This post is long and has complicated grammar.

Táim ag scríobh anois to address something that came up in the notes a few times:

the rumour that the copula is for 'permanent' things, and bí is for 'temporary' things.

There is *some* amount of truth to this, but it's not that simple - definitely not simple enough to be the first thing to tell foghlaimeoirí about what the copula is. Part of the problem seems to be that teachers in schools used the old "the copula is for permanent things" to avoid having to actually teach their students what a noun is, which of course is silly. (All nouns are permanent, all adjectives and verbs are temporary? There's no way that can go wrong).

What if you're saying, my hair is brown? (Tá mo chuid gruaige dhonn)? How is that any less permanent than 'I am a teacher'? (True, I could dye it tomorrow, but equally I could quit my job tomorrow, plus my hair has beeen brown since I was born). Yet you can't say 'Is mo chuid gruaige dhonn'.

So what is the truth to this copula-permanence stuff, other than the dubious assumption that all nouns are permanent?

If you use a *valid* bí construction that links two nouns, it *may* suggest less permanence than the copula. Wikipedia (the Irish syntax page) compares 'Is dochtúir é Seán' (copula) to 'Tá Seán ina dhochtúir' [approx. 'Seán is in his doctor, ina = i + a (in his)]. The second option suggests *to some extent* that Sean is a doctor for now, at the moment. The copula doesn't have any element of that.

In this way, it might be true that copula implies permanence. but it is NOT true that if Sean is only being a doctor for the week, you can say 'Tá dochtúir Seán'. The key word is a VALID bí construction, which means this isn't helpful to know when you're just starting to work out when to use bí vs copula.

Also, there are multiple possible bí constructions (Múinteoir atá ionam and Táim i mo mhúinteoir are two different ones, and I'm not sure how many others there might be). I am not a native speaker (just a grammar lover) and I'm not sure whether the '___ atá i ___' construction carries the connotation if 'for now' the same way the 'tá ___ ina ___' one does.

Here's another interesting subtlety of the copula that could lend credence to the copula-permanent thing: the copula can be used where you would expect bí for adjectives in some cases. Example - is maith (é) sin! That's good!

We would expect 'Tá sé sin go maith', which to my knowledge is also acceptable. This site I found (www.rosenlake.net/er/irish/lrslinger-copula.html) refers to 'is maith sin!' as 'exclamatory'. To paraphrase the site, using the copula means you have to put the adjective (maith, good) earlier in the sentence, so it becomes more emphasised in the sentence. (If you say those two versions aloud, you will probably agree that 'maith' seems to be the whole point of 'is maith sin!', but by the time you've said 'tá sé sin go maith!' you've almost forgotten what the point was.) The website specifically says that this exclamatory copula construction can only be used for adjectives that are permanent and subjective. (It doesn't cite a source for this, though.) The 'permanent' aspect of 'that's good!' sounds a bit strange, but I suppose if an event occurred that you say 'that's good' about, the event being good is unlikely to change in the future.

Another example of 'is' for an adjective: you can say tá sé tinn (he is sick), but also, 'is tinn atá sé' (it is sick that he is). This one is more clearly a rearranging of the sentence. Again, it's to emphasise the adjective (he is SICK, it's SICK that he is), although not in an 'exclamatory' way like the is maith sin example (that would be, 'is tinn é!' which isnt acceptable according to this site because it is neither permanent nor subjective). The site also gives this example: 'Is aisteach bealaigh Dé'; the way of God is strange. (They are strange, the ways of god!) They say that 'aisteach' is a permanent adjective, so this is an acceptable construct. You could also say 'tá bealaigh Dé aisteach' (less emphasis).

A third example is 'Is bán an páipear é', the paper is white (inherently). Tá an páipéar bán would be the typical construction (adjective, so use tá).

These copula constructions for adjectives are all *optional*. Using the normal bí (tá) is completely acceptable, so it might be a good idea to stick with your basic 'Tá [noun] [adjective]' phrasing until you're confident.

You can see that things get complicated, and while there is apparently truth to the rumour that 'the copula is for permanent things', but it's not simple, and it's definitely not the first rule to teach beginners, ceapaim.

Start with the Thing = Thing rule for using the copula, and you'll never get it wrong.

Fun fact! Apparently, 'is maith sin' is the origin of the somewhat outdated British adjective 'smashing', meaning good, or excellent, used as an exclamation.

Slán, agus go raibh maith agaibh!

Grma!