#so i can take another 50 shots of him here

[charlotterenaissance]

baffling decision for season 2, episode 18 to end with lewis making a legit effort for charlotte, making a picnic of things she likes and hugging her and seeming really happy with her

only for episode 19 to trample all over that with him blowing her off after she mentions that she misses him and hasn't seen him for a while, then apparently forgetting he even has a girlfriend altogether and softly flirting with his ex while the narrative agrees that this is correct because, unlike charlotte, cleo always smiles when she first sees lewis. you know. unlike charlotte. who goes out of her way to try and make lewis happy and smiles literally every time she sees him. there's not even an episode between these!

[cursedcola]

Prompt: "Will You Marry Me?" - Proposal Headcannons Characters: Everyone :) Part(s): Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde(here!), Diasomnia(Pt.1)(Pt.2) Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Warning(s): The relationship is kinda toxic because it's Idia and I have to be realistic - but it gets better as you read. Just know that there are themes of miscommunication, self-sabotage, self-neglect, and insecurity in both Idia and the MC. I gave him some character growth at least and some maturation to the character. Note: All Ignihyde has is Idia so I gave his piece some extra love(super long. Like, this isn't even considered a headcannon set anymore. I really went overboard, I'm so sorry). Not proofread for grammar since I'm a bit lazy right now. Also, I haven't finished his chapter in game because I'm too weak (seriously wtf is up with these fights). I know the plot mostly but forgive me if there's an inaccuracy in a reference

Idia had it made during his youth - and deep down he knows it despite all his complaining. He knows that he won the introvert lottery. For three years he was able to live in a reclusive dorm room with no expectations beyond showing up to class (via a tablet of all things) and doing his work. Sure, he had to return home at some point and deal with that hot mess...but it was a displaced problem. One to be dealt with whenever. As a full-time 'student' he had junk food readily available, his brother down the hall, all the games and tech he needed, and somehow managed to land himself a loving partner despite his quirks.

The Ramshackle prefect - someone he initially wanted nothing to do with. Chaos seemed to follow their every move and Idia wanted no part of it. He never expected to come within a twenty-foot radius of them without force.

For the record, force indeed was used. Unfortunately they had a nasty habit of being nosy. Very 'main character complex' of them, if you ask him.

Yet it worked in his favor. Their stubbornness and intrusive ways wormed a place in his stone-cold heart. It fueled his ego much to everyone's chagrin. Out of everyone - princes, busy bodies, future doctors and the literal fish mafia - you picked him. The noob cursed to lose all his 50/50s and rot in bluelight. Idia seriously questions your tastes, but hey! He beat the normies and that's all he cares about.

Well, at least that's how he phrases it. Underneath that god-tier ego is an inferiority complex that he tries to keep down for your benefit. Something about your mood dipping by 20% when he talks trash? He'd need Ortho to run another test on that. Just to be safe.

Unfortunately, he still can't reign it in all the way. Victories can be temporary and who's he to say that your relationship isn't a one-shot story? Nothing worthwhile is ever that simple. Good games always get sequels...so the question lingers, will he still be a main character in yours?

When Idia graduates, he fully expects for you to walk out of his life. He returns to S.T.Y.X and leaves NRC to fulfill his role back home. You have no reason to care about him when he's no longer nearby. Life isn't like an isekai manga. You won't wait for him - no, you'll get a taste for how life is without him and indulge. Slowly you'll stop texting him, calling him, playing games with him - well, he'll do it first! He refuses to be the second male lead that gets dumped when you finally find your prince. That's for chumps.

He'd rather you just up and leave this world! At least then he wouldn't be in this pitiful situation...but he's seen that crow's shitty work ethic. You're stuck.

Idia's scared to say the least. One could say that his self sabotage was in action before your relationship even began. Old habits die hard, and no one could stop his spiral. Not even Ortho. Idia left his little brother behind as well. The boy sent him off with a smile, promising to take good care of you in his big brother's stead. After all, you both were in the same year.

It's not surprising that he reverts to his old ways. A hard battle is even more difficult to win when you don't have the motivation to fight it in the first place. Idia loses his drive...and in turn his already negative outlook grows worse.

Needless to say, Idia ... neglects you.

Your relationship has always been more of an 80:20 than a 50:50 - with him taking more than he ever gave. You always set aside time and made sure he was comfortable. You respected his anxieties and dealt with his temper on more than one occasion. His jealousy. You indulged his hobbies, always tried to include him in on activities with your friends (even though he rarely ever accepted), wore your heart on your sleeve and always took the lead. You were always too good to be true.

Two years. Two years with him at S.T.Y.X and you at NRC. Not a day passed where you did not text him or call. Not a week passed where you did not video-chat or play a game with him. You made time. You checked in. Told him stories about your life an friends. Ortho often would send him recordings and clips as well. During vacations you'd make plans to see him and always invited him to come to campus for events. Even though he never accepted, you still always offered. Throughout it all he kept you at a distance, yet unable to fully let you go at the same time. He needed you to do it. He needed his inner thoughts to shut up and to have someone else to blame.

You. You. You. When would you stop? Why weren't you tired of him yet? On a good day he can be frustrating, so how were you not mad when he was physically trying to make you hate him? Were you waiting until graduation to drop the bomb on him that you'd leave for good? On another's arm or back to your world?

Imagine his surprise when neither happened. On the dawn after Ortho's graduation ceremony, Idia came out of his cave to greet him at the S.T.Y.X entrance. He would no longer be as lonely, and perhaps without Ortho around, you'd finally put distance between yourself and the Shroud family. All would be as it should.

He did not expect to see you at the gate as well. Ortho flew up to him with a bright grin and twirl in the air - babbling on and on about how he arranged for you to come work as a research assistant in the lab. After all, you had an extensive knowledge of blot as well as field experience. It was a win-win situation for the company and your relationship! You could now be a happy family! Isn't that just amazing?

"It was extremally difficult to keep this a surprise!...Brother?" Ortho halts mid-rant, his receptors going haywire, "Brother, your heartrate has increased and your temperature is dropping below stable levels. You must regulate your breathing pattern!"

White noise rang like television static in Idia's eardrum. He watched you thank one of the guards while handing off your suitcase. His pulse increased and mind went under water. How long had it been since you were together longterm? You looked different. More mature. Meanwhile he was still the same - physically and emotionally. Still the pasty shut-in with dark eyebags and energy drinks running through his veins instead of blood. He wasn't used to seeing you in person. How should he react? Should he hug you? Do you want him to? That's weird. He hasn't held you in a while - yeah, it would be creepy. Does he even deserve to? What made you want to work here anyways?! You could have gone anywhere. ANYWHERE. - Shit. You're looking this way. What should he do?! aHH! You're walking over!

He does what he knows best. Shuts down. You receive a disgraceful greeting. No affection. Not even a smile.

Idia's brow furrows at your approach and he buries his hands deep into the pockets of his lab-coat. When you lean in to kiss his cheek, he catches you by the forearms and holds you in place. "Since when were you going to work here? You do remember what S.T.Y.X is in charge of, right? Once you're in, there's no going back. Are you a masochist or something?" Ah. There goes the heartfelt reunion. Being home did bring out a more harsh and cut-throat side of him after all.

Despite his poor treatment, you don't react upset. Now the relationship has now become something of a 90 : 10. He knows you have no reason to come here other than for Ortho and himself. You really are an Otome protagonist, jeez. Willing to do all that for him? Giving up your future and friends just to be at his side...dammit. Don't give him hopes! Don't undo all the work he's put in to survive without you! Stop welcoming misfortune for his sake! You're stupid. Stupidstupidstupid .... man he loves that stupidity. Gods he missed it.

Shit. Not even an hour in and he's reverting.

You don't realize it but you're heading straight for a bad ending. He does though. He's read the guides and played more visual novels than he can count. As a pro, he needs to steer you off this villainy ending and towards the true route.

After all ... what was that one saying? Heroes will sacrifice you for the world, while Villans will sacrifice the world for you? He heard it from some normie bookworm...but it seems fitting right now.

Idia's no hero. He'll destroy his world if it means you get to be happy. Not that he had much of one to begin with. You...gave him a life beyond fiction while all he's offered is a curse. Literally and figuratively. Its time he returned what he so greedily stole. He'll make you move on through force.

The months are slow and difficult. Despite being nearby, Idia only ever seeks you out for work-related reasons. Even then he is very cold and dismissive . He also does not turn you away when you take the initiative. Just like old times, you linger around his room and prod him for attention. He wants you to leave, but also doesn't want to be cruel. So, he maintains this impassive position and lets you do whatever you please. Yet the situation is scarily similar to how you both were at NRC. Except instead of using his past as an excuse, he now uses your work dynamic to enable his noncommittal ways.

There really is only so much one person can take. After Idia left NRC, you pinned his switch in behavior on the lifestyle change and distance separating you both. You knew Idia would be someone you had to work hard for when you started to date, and so the situation was one you viewed as an obstacle to overcome. The solution was simple - you would go to S.T.Y.X and prove to him that you were willing to make it work. Without the physical distance, you hoped that he would let you in again. That you wouldn't have to hear reassurances from his brother anymore, and instead hear his feelings from his own mouth instead. Then you both could work out the details together in time. Seeing him reject you at first was discouraging, but you did not let it rest there. Perhaps he needed time and to get used to your presence in his home. After all, these were new waters. You would be patient. You would prove yourself capable.

Life becomes a time capsule. As the days went by, a bitter feeling grew in your stomach. Why wouldn't he laugh? Why wouldn't he look in your eyes anymore? Why is he retreating even further? What were you doing wrong? How could you fix it? Is it you? Your performance in the lab is outstanding according to your supervisors, and your work friends seem to find you agreeable enough. Can't he see that you've adjusted well and are happy here? There's nothing to worry about. How else can you prove yourself?

These thoughts plague your mind to an extend that Ortho felt the need to preform psychiatric evaluation. You dismissed his concerns with a long list of things about your new home that make you happy - including him. It pacifies his panic and somehow mitigates your own as well.

Until one fateful day, when you decided to take your lunch early and overheard a conversation between two senior S.T.Y.X employees

"Isn't the boss' partner kind of pitiful?" One technician spoke in a hush whisper, taking a bite from her salad, "He doesn't give them the time of day. I can't believe they've stuck around this long. Screw the job, I would have been out after the first week," "Shhh! Quit gossiping, it's bad. Especially about the one who pays our bills," The other scolds. "I know....but isn't it just sad. They're clearly being taken advantage of. I can't help but feel sorry" "It's not just you...to tell the truth, I had no clue Director Idia had a partner up until recently. If anything, I thought he disliked Assistant MC and kept them around for Director Ortho's sake. Imagine my shock..." They both snicker at the notion. "Yeah. I give them a few more months...maybe a year. Despite being smart in the lab, they clearly can't read the room:

It was the last straw. Like ice water being dunked over your head after a hot shower. The lunch pale in your grasp suddenly felt like it weighed ten times heavier, and a cold sweat dripped down your back. They were right. He didn't want you here. It was time to move on or else you'll just be living out an endless loop. Nothing has changed since your youth aside from the location. No matter how long you wait, no matter how much effort and time you offer ... the relationship is doomed to fail. You gave him everything...and it was time to stop waiting. To stop expecting and hoping. Time to accept reality.

Your lunch goes discarded in a nearby bin and your shift abandoned. You would not work another second for S.T.Y.X despite the facility not being the source of your anguish. Your shoes clack loudly against the tile flooring as you speed-walk to Idia's office, where he was lazily reviewing data on a recent experiment. His phone set off to the side with some automated gatcha daily playing.

You use your 'special' pass (curtesy of ortho) to get in. The metal door swings out as you march inside and turn off his screen without asking.

"H-h'-hey! What are you-" He shrieks and turns in his chair. "We need to talk" "Can't it wait until later? I'm busy working, if you can't tell" "No" Your tone is demanding. Definite. You all but yank the badge from around your neck and drop it in his lap. In that motion, he knew. Your eyes scrunch tight and teeth grind together. He was prepared for this. For you to lash out and yell at him for your suffering. Make him the bad guy in your story and finally beat the game for good. Not for you to deflate. Not for the glassy, disappointed stain on your eyes. Or the shallow breaths as you calm yourself - not letting your emotions frighten him like a spooked cat. "I'm quitting," "S.T.Y.X? You know you can't just quit. There's a process," He refutes, lazily pushing his chair back with an anxious fidget. "Not just S.T.Y.X...I'm quitting us. I can't do this anymore," "Oh. Alright. Let me get the paperwork," "Alright?" You whisper, gaping at him "...just alright? That's all you have to say to me? Not even 'why' ?" He pauses typing on a holographic keyboard, cocking an eyebrow at the question. "What? You want me to beg you to stay or something like that? We're not in an anime," His words die out at the end, and had it not been for your disbelief you would have caught the note of sadness in them, "you want to go? Then go. I warned you about this place" "No...you warned me about the facility. It's not the facility I have a problem with. I actually like it here" "So it's me then, huh? I warned you about that too," He grumbles and continues to type, "I'm not whatever it is that you saw in me. It's your fault for sticking it out this long. I knew this was how it would end from the start" A silence follows aside from the occasional noise from his computer. That's it. The nail in the coffin. You finally realized the truth. He was no good for you. He couldn't be 'fixed'. With an approving chime, he finally has all the departure paperwork pulled up for you to sign. "Alright. Sign these and I'll get you an escort," He holds out a tablet in pen without looking from his computer. You don't take it. "Hello? I said - " he turns to face you, irritated "....here" Silent tears stream down your cheeks and pool at the tip of your chin, dripping to the tile below. Wide eyes lock in his general direction. Your hands tremble slightly at your sides, as if your mind was thousands of miles away. His heart breaks. "You never even gave us a chance, did you?" He says nothing. "It wasn't about 'making it work' for you. It was always a matter of 'how long'. You've been waiting for me to leave you, all this time?" It wasn't a question. "All this time, I've been trying to prove myself. I've been thinking that I did something wrong...that I needed to be better" the word stings your tongue and seems to strike him, " but I was never even close to enough" we were never enough

With languid movements, you take the pen from him and sign the papers. You would not hide your sadness. Your grief. Your pain for a relationship that was never actually one. For a battle that only had one party fighting.

He lets you go, the metal door swinging shut and rattling him to his core. Idia's hands shake as he tries to return to his work. They tremble over the holographic keyboard, making his blue nails look like moving neon streaks in the air.

He had always thought you ere just being kind. That your self-sacrificing nature was natural, and that someone else was more deserving of it. He failed to consider the possibility that all the things you did...you did for him alone. You did out of the same anxieties and fears he felt.

In a way, you both were at fault. He led himself down a self-fulfilling prophecy - letting his anxieties and what-ifs become reality. And you? You thought everything could be fixed with time. With sacrifice. That eventually he would grow. You both were plants, one overwatered and the other left parched in the sun.

He did get one thing right. This was defiantly a bad end. Just not in the way he originally believed...

Somehow, life becomes worse than before you arrived at S.T.Y.X. At least when you were around, people did see him more out of his office or room. Seeing him revert to his previous ways without so much as an inkling of sadness for losing you....yeah, it did not look good. Worse than people not even knowing you were his partner at first. After your departure, rumors began to spread that you had finally snapped. The pity felt for you morphed into judgement towards his character. Others saw him as a heartless recluse, and the pity was extended to Ortho of all things. If Idia could toss out a loyal partner of years, what about the little robot? Perhaps despite all the gossip, the others at S.T.Y.X did not fully believe that he would let you leave so easily. That he wasn't as detached as the Shroud name dictates.

Little do they know that he's become a shadow of his former self. He can't even act self-depreciative. Pleasantries don't hit like they used to. Having you at a distance...well, was still considered as being with you. Now that you're never coming back, it's harder. Everything reminds him of you. Your favorite snacks are still stocked in the cafeteria, and there are blankets in his room that still have your scent. Occasionally a file will pop up with your work in it while he's doing reviews...and then there's Ortho. When you left, he was crushed. He pestered Idia for days - the security cameras giving him full knowledge of what happened. Yet no matter what the robot said about the situation, Idia didn't want to hear it. Eventually he took away Ortho's access data to his personal spaces.

That didn't stop the bot from talking through the door and spamming his brother's inboxes. Despite cutting off contact with his big brother, you still spoke to Ortho regularly. He refused to let his big brother lose all connection to you, and updated him on your well-being. Regardless of what Idia said, hearing about you made a difference. At first it increases his anxiety and drops his mood...but every time, like a scheduled delay, his serotonin levels will spike. Be it from a clip of your voice, a picture, or even just the mention of your name.

"Brother! I just finished a call with MC. Today they decided to adopt a cat! Would you like to see a picture?" His computer beeps with an incoming missive. Idia clicks it, and the screen displays a photo of you with a small white kitten in your arms. "They've decided to name it Grimm Jr. From what I heard, the predecessor was not pleased to be 'replaced,' as he calls it" Ortho laughs from the other side of the door, but Idia is too focused on the image on his screen. The curve in your smile and the way you gently cradle the kitten. You seem...happy. Much better than how he is doing. He fails to hear the door beep, granting access, neither the bot fly up next to him to look at the picture. "Big brother, why don't you apologize to MC? They would listen," Idia startles, clutching his chest as his hair flairs cherry red for a brief moment. He swivels in his chair and closes the image quickly. "I'm not apologizing for nothing. It's not like I miss them or anything. My life's great without having a normie relationship to manage" "Your body language suggests that you are lying" Ortho states, his eyes squinting cheekily. Idia hunches over, glaring at his keyboard and fiddling with his sleeves, "It's not like they'd want to see me anyways. I blew it. Only an idiot would forgive what I did," "That's not true! MC loves you!" Idia glares at him from the corner of his eye, "Yeah? They look pretty happy without me. They were miserable here" "Because you purposefully made them miserable! You are very smart brother, but even I understand emotions better than you and I am an artificial lifeform!" "Then what should I do, Ortho? Go beg them to take me back like some cringe sitcom?!" "Yes!" Idia blanches at the thought, but doesn't entirely dismiss it. Ortho glares holes into his head, causing Idia to shrink into his chair. "You are always afraid, brother. You lost them to your fears once...do you want to regret that? Are you really satisfied with pictures and stories? Why deny yourself wonderful things! We are not trapped anymore!"

Ortho leaves him with one piece of information - an apartment address. He sends it to all of Idia's emails and even somehow makes it the background of his tablet. He can't change it or take it off.

He stares at it long and hard. Searches the place up and even uses virtual reality to scope out the building. While perhaps a bit creepy...he hacks the security cameras and watches feed of you coming and going over the past moths. Some days you look perfectly well, and others you look worse for wear. If he went...would you even want to see him? Would you let him in? Kick him out? Is he willing to even try? What if you already moved on...no, Ortho wouldn't set him up for that if he knew you were happy with someone else.

Idia leaves S.T.Y.X for the first time in months. His request for leave shocks other employees. Yet he's gone the moment it's approved, afraid that he'll lose his edge if he thinks too long on it.

He finds himself at the door of a middle-class apartment in the Kingdom of Roses. Second floor, third door to the left, just like he memorized. He knows its yours from the ribbons tied on the doorknob, themed after one of your favorite animes. One he introduced to you...

In his hands is a small box of candies - a peace offering, just in case you want to kill him on sight.

His boney knuckles wrap around the doorknocker and thwack it three times. Sweat pools in his palms and he jolts away. The seconds like hours as his painted nails dig crescents into his palms. The door opens. "Hi, how can I -" You pause mid-sentence, your mouth going dry. Grimm Jr. snuggled in one of your arms while the other holds the door open, "I-idia?" "T-that's my name," He grimaces, looking anywhere but at you. "What are you doing here?" His tongue feels heavy and the tips of his hair fade to a pale orange. He studders and fumbles with the box of candies, holding them out to you with a grimace. "I wanted to see you...urk. I hope that's not weird! Can ... I come in?" You eye the box in thought, before reaching out to take it and opening the door further. It was a start.

You hear him out - through the stuttering and the self-depreciative comments that he hastily retracts. This isn't just about him. It's about you and everything else in-between. Shockingly enough, you agree to give him a second chance. It wasn't entirely his fault after all ... and you did still love him. Although now there are ground rules. You would not be returning to S.T.Y.X. You've finally created a stable home for yourself and have a life in this new city. You have a career, friends, and a life that doesn't include him. You need the individuality. You would no longer try to morph yourself for him or be placid. If he wanted to spend time with you, he would have to leave S.T.Y.X and come stay at your apartment. You would no longer be the one always reaching out, he would have to start showing initiative and making time for you. You would see how things progress from that point. He was not a child, and you would not beg for basic needs to be met anymore. Words would not be enough, you need actions. It was time for 50 : 50.

Weirdly enough, he agrees to all your rules without a single complaint. Not a normie comment or slang filled statement leaves his lips. He's still that nerdy dork you fell in love with at heart, but these 'normie' things? Well, Idia's accepted that he wants those things. As much as it is difficult for him to admit, they only grossed him out so much before because he always believed they were unattainable

He's true to his word. He calls you every day, first thing when he wakes up (in the late afternoon. He still is a hermit at heart). At first it made him anxious, and he'd hover over the contact for fifteen minutes before dialing. Yet it soon became easy, with his heart only beating fast from happiness. He takes the weekends off and comes to spend them at your apartments. Sometimes he brings Ortho and it becomes a sleepover with games - and at some point you start inviting your other heartslabyul friends from back in the day too. Eventually you do come around the compound again. It's awkward to say the least, considering how you left. Yet at the same time, it's a breath of fresh air. The others are shocked to see him out of his office, and he eats IN THE CAFETERIA. Woah. He calls you by your name and not 'assistant' when in public. Homie scares some people. That's what he does. He gives you a special watch for your anniversary. It's paired with on he has and solar powered, so you can contact him at any time. As a natural born worry-wart, he can't help but worry for your safety. Since watching the appartment CCTV is 'creepy,' he just asks that you wear the watch if you're going out anywhere. It won't die and with the click of a button he'll be alerted. In exchange, you can use it to contact him whenever you want. He'll always get back instantly since it might be an emergency. The watch is also directly linked to Ortho's system, so you can contact him as well. Who needs Cortana when you have Ortho?

For the first time, Idia feels secure in a relationship. He can't count Ortho since the boy is technically his creation. Ortho would always be there...and now? Idia's confident you will too.

Does that mean you should get married? Isn't that the next step in all this?

Well....shit (pleasant connotation)

He never would have tinkered with this idea before considering his 'family'. Who the hell in their right mind would marry a Shroud? A fool. Are you a fool? Maybe.

It's late evening on a Sunday night when you're both walking home together after hitting up a local diner for hearty eats. Wow. Look at him. On a date. So weird...pshh.

Idia walks at your side, forcing his pace to match yours. Not everyone is graced with his long stickman legs. His hands are buried deep in his hoodie and his posture is slightly slouched. Classic scary dog privilege for a nighttime walk - well, if his hair didn't scream valentine's day pink to the world. Although no one else has flaming hair other than the Shroud family, so he doubts anyone would interrupt.

You decide to take the long path home and through a nearby park. The night was still young for nightowls such as yourselves, and fresh air was always crisp at this hour.

Along that path you decide to stop at a cement bench by some vending machines and chill out for a bit. Despite having just ate, Idia gets you each a can of coffee.

He'd be leaving to go back to S.T.Y.X tomorrow. Like he does every Sunday. His gaze drifts to the watch on your wrist and thinks about adding some new features - maybe video chat? So he can see you throughout the day. He wonders what you'll be up to while he's stuck in the lab. Maybe you'll go shopping, or play a new game. Maybe you'll try out a new recipe or take Grimm Jr. out to play. He wishes he could see you during the week.

Ah. You're talking. He should probably tune in or you'll get mad at him. Why's it so hard to focus? He hasn't felt this uneasy in a while...

Why is he having these kinds of thoughts? It's weird.

"You okay? You seem a little spaced," You pull him from his thoughts, a concerned crease wrinkling your temple. "Eh. It's nothing. Just not looking forward to the week," he chuckles weakly. "I know that feeling. It's always a bummer when you dip. Not to sound clingy or anything" His golden hues spark for a moment, a pale pink dusting his cheeks as he whips his head to look at you.

"W-wait - really? I was just thinking the same thing...." "You were?" "Yeah. It's...kind of weird without you. Everything's emptier. Wow. That was pretty cringe. Sorry." He grimaces, internally screaming and knowing that this was going to replay when he tried to sleep later. You tilt your head at him, a slight frown on the cusp of your lip. Something tickles at his fingers and he looks down to see you lace your hand with his. "I miss you too," your words are soft. Genuine. He feels his neck grow hot, the pink glow radiating off him betraying him. Idia looks between your interlaced fingers and the drink in his hand. There...wouldn't ever be a 'right' time for this. Would there? You've waited long enough. He pulls his hand away and pops the soda tab off with deft hands.

"Hey..." he twiddles with the soda tab in his hands, "on a scale of 1-10, how are my odds of getting a yes?" "A 'yes' to what?" "To this, " he sighs through his nose, holding the tab out towards you with a shaking hand, "will you marry me?"

{A soda tab from canned coffee. Not the most charming offering, and it barely fits around your pinky finger. Yet, Idia's always been impulsive at his core. Had he not acted in the moment, he likely would have ran countless possibilities over and over in his mind. While not your forever ring, the tab will remain a sentimental piece}

{Idia is not a man with a keen eye fore jewelry - but he knows quality. Combine his eye for perfection with his craftsmanship and behold - a ring made from purified blot. The center gem is a piece of magestone in it's most refined state. The band is titanium and there are small sapphires along the molding. Since he would be wearing a matching band, Idia decided to keep the design simple. He prefers functionality over all. Yet he does want you to feel proud of his handiwork, so he includes vintage molding on your band only. He wears a smooth black band on his ring finger, and never removes it}

[auspicioustidings]

Based on this. You are in Finland full of self-loathing and the 141 needs a fat wife if they want to win some beer.

You aren't exactly on holiday in Finland. It should be your honeymoon but since you caught your groom balls deep in your maid of honour you instead have used it as an escape from the country. You just cannot be around the people you love right now, can't have them all look at you with all that pity. Even worse is that some of them probably don't even blame him. Your former best friend is a size 8, perfect hourglass figure. Your former partner is trim and decently fit. They look like they belong together more than you and him ever did.

You hate yourself. You hate looking in the mirror. You hate how clothes fit you. You deserved it you think.

"Not a chance MacTavish, that's my wife!"

"Away and biel yer heid, I saw her first!"

"Actually I saw her first!"

"I outrank all of you muppets so I think you'll find that is my wife!"

It's a racket in the little cafe but you don't pay much mind, still just staring out the window and wondering if you could ever deserve anything. One of the servers comes to take your empty cup and grins at you, telling you in her heavy accent that she would personally go for the one with the mask since he's the biggest. You don't understand when you look around and there are a lot of locals smiling happily over at you while four Greek Gods of men are having a scuffle, moving slowly in your direction. More people chip in, arguing about who you should pick, some lamenting that they would claim you themselves if they thought they could.

One big man does try, basically some Viking God, but he's playfully (you hope it's playful) spear tackled by the man with the mohawk before he laughs and backs off.

When Gaz with warmed cheeks and excitement in his eyes gets to you while Soap is busy with the viking and Ghost and Price are wrestling one another he asks if you'd do him the honour of being his wife. You nearly choke, but he explains that the wife carrying competition is today. You look around, bewildered, ask him why he wouldn't pick any of the other women in here given that they are all gorgeous slim things.

"Fuck all use to us, need a nice soft bird with lots of fat" says the man in the mask.

Price scowls and whacks his lieutenant upside the head because he sees how you look a second away from crying.

"You're gorgeous sweetheart, he didn't mean anything by it. The prize is the wife's weight in beer though, so he's right about a little lady not being much use."

You don't know what to say. You don't know if this is mortifying or not given that everyone around you seems to not be looking at you with sneers or laughing at you, but instead looking with soft smiles that convey fondness. They think this is adorable.

"Dinnae listen tae their nice soft birds and sweethearts! I'll be a better husband bonnie. I'm shorter aye bit look at the power in these legs, naw going tae drop ye. And I'll split that beer 50/50!"

And then they're arguing. The four of them are arguing and trying to put forward a case to you about why they would be the best husband. When it starts to get raunchy, you fluster and stop them. But fluster is something. It's not self loathing. It's been weeks since you felt anything but self loathing. So even though you are sure everyone can feel the heat rolling off of you in waves at how bashful you are under so much attention from such attractive men, you pick one (the others are devastated but vow that you're only a wife for the competition, that after they should get another shot at convincing you that they're the best option).

And they do. Even though the man you picked doesn't win (gets DQ'd actually since you are heavy and he decided that you were getting over that damn finish line so the four of them took turns) they take you out for drinks after. You think you feel humiliated that they couldn't carry you a long distance, but you don't have time to sit with the feeling because they drown it out with how warm and giddy they make you feel.

They insist that they will compete next year, so you have 365 days to pick a husband. When you make a quiet comment about how you'll lose weight by then so they can carry you the whole way, they nearly riot as they assure you that they would be a shit pick for husband if they didn't spent the year getting stronger so they can carry you just how you are. Plus they'll not be losing any beer thank you very much.

By the time the next wife carrying competition rolls around you are a different person. You're wearing clothes that fit instead of trying to hide your body. You laugh and flirt back with the barista instead of assuming they are making fun of you by flirting. And you don't care if your husband makes it over the finish line, just that you have fun and laugh and joke about the attempt. Of course it's not entirely certain who that husband is yet, got to keep them on their toes after all.

[eddiediaaz]

Hi! Can I ask how you did the double exposure gifs for your merlin set? They're beautiful btw!

heyy, thank you!! of course!

it's actually not very hard, the trick is to find the right shots for this. here's how i did it (reference gifset), under the cut.

for this tutorial i will be: — using photoshop cs5 on windows — assuming you know how to make gifs using the timeline — have basic coloring, sharpening, groups, and layer masks knowledge

I. CHOOSING THE RIGHT SHOTS

the ultimate trick to pull this off is to choose the right image. in order to do the double exposure, you need a silhouette shot that has these:

a defined and dark silhouette with a background that is not too busy

enough contrast between the silhouette and the background

the silhouette should take at least 50% of the space

not too much movement

here are a few examples of why they work and why they won't:

gwen: perfect example since this shot is already quite contrasted with a defined silhouette. there won't be a lot of work needed to make this one work.

merlin: not a great example because even tho there's a somewhat good contrast between him and the background, the silhouette is just too bright, not dark enough.

arthur: another good example, even if there are some bright spots on his face and armor. since he's not moving too much, you can definitely brush some black over him to make his silhouette darker (i'll explain/show later)

morgana: this one could work because the contrast is great, but of course her skintone is very bright against the black clothing. that being said, since the movement is not too bad, it could be possible to brush some black over her and move these layers with keyframes (as mentioned for arthur's example). i haven't tried it tho, but i think it would work well enough.

once you have your silhouette shot, you need another gif for the double exposure. what works best, in my opinion, are:

wide, large shots

shots with no to little camera movement (no pan, zoom, etc), but the subjects in the shot can have little movement of course

pretty cinematography/scenery shots

i find these are easier to find and make it work, it's not as "precise" as with silhouette shots. it's mostly just trial and error to see what works best with the silhouettes.

II. PREPPING THE SILHOUETTE

for the effect to work, we want a silhouette that's dark as possible. i'm gonna use the gwen and arthur shots as examples.

for the gwen gif, i started by sharpening, and then upped the contrast by quite a lot so her silhouette is mostly black, while retaining some nice details. i've used only 3 layers here:

selective color layer: in the blacks tab, playing with the black slider (value: +10)

brightness/contrast layer: added a lot of contrast (+61) and a bit of brightness (+10)

black and white layer: on top, its blending mode set to soft light and at 20% opacity. gives a bit more depth and contrast

then for the arthur example, i've also sharpened it first, and added contrast layers in this order (the skintone looks horrible, but it won't matter soon lol):

levels layer: black slider at 0, grey slider at 0.76, white slider at 104

selective color layer: in the blacks tab, black slider at +10

brightness/contrast layer: brightness at +1-, contrast at +47

black and white layer: on top, its blending mode set to soft light and at 20% opacity. gives a bit more depth and contrast

as you can see, half of his face is still quite bright. to correct that, create a new empty layer and put it between the gif and the coloring layers.

using a really soft brush and the black color, brush some black over his face and body on that new empty layer. you can edit the layer's opacity if you want, i've set mine to 71%. since arthur doesn't move much here, there's no need to keyframe this layer's position. for the morgana example, this is where you'd need to play with keyframes to make it work. here's where i'm at now after this:

you can always edit this layer later if you need, after doing the double exposure blending.

once the silhouette is all ready, you can put all layers in a group and rename it (i've renamed mine silhouette).

III. BLENDING

now the fun part! import the wide/scenery shot in photoshop, then resize it to the same height of your silhouette gif. make sure the gif is a smart object layer, and sharpen it. finally, bring this gif onto the silhouette canvas (by right clicking the smart object > duplicate layer). once you have both gifs onto your canvas, put the wide shot gif layer in a group, and set this group's blending option to screen.

you can then position the wide/scenery gif the way you like it in the canvas. this is how it looks for both examples after i've done that:

if the blending mode screen doesn't give you the best result, so you can play around with other blending modes (such as lighten and linear dodge in these particular cases), but generally speaking, screen is the real mvp here haha.

IV. COLORING

now that the double exposure effect is done, we need to color the gifs to bring them together. i went with simple coloring here, simply enhancing the colors that were already there. just make sure that the coloring layers for each gif are in their respective groups. here's how i've colored both examples:

gwen silhouette group: i added a gradient map layer on top of the contrast layers in black to green and set the blending mode to color

scenery shot group: multiple coloring layers, with a green color fill layer (blending mode set to color), with a layer mask so it only affects the top half of the gif

for the arthur gif, i did something very similar but with warmer colors. i didn't use a gradient map for arthur though:

arthur silhouette group: i made the yellow warmer, closer to orange/red, with a hue/saturation layer, and added more vibrance. didn't feel like it needed a gradient map layer here though.

wide shot group: basic coloring layers to enhance colors from the merlin & daegal shot, and an orange color fill layer set to the color blending mode.

at this point you're pretty much done. just need to add some final touches and typography (if you want).

V. FINAL TOUCHES

a small and completely optional detail, but i wanted to soften the edges of the wide gifs. to do so i've duplicated the smart object gif layer and removed the sharpening filters (right click on smart filter > clear smart filters). put this layer on top of the other smart object layers (but still below the coloring).

then with this same layer still selected, go to filter > blur > gaussian blur... > 10px. this will give you a very blurry gif, but we only want the edges of the canvas to be softer. so add a layer mask to this layer. with a very large and soft brush (mine was at 0% hardness and about 800px size), brush some black onto the layer mask to remove the blur in the middle of the gif.

you can play with this layer's opacity or gaussian blur amount if you want (by double clicking on the gaussian blur smart layer filter). here how both examples look with this gaussian blur layer:

you can also mask some of wide/scenery gifs if you'd prefer, so it shows less outside of the silhouette. just put a layer mask on that whole wide shot group and brush some black or grey on the layer mask. it's what i did for the gwen gif, with a very soft brush and i set the mask density to 72% (i kept the arthur one as is tho):

and that's how i did it! hopefully that was clear enough :)

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#399

“Oh man, Fuck!...  Oh sorry you had to hear that call.  Didn’t mean to interrupt you enjoying your brew.  It’s just that my girlfriend makes me so fucking pissed off….  Get this, she knows I work 14 days straight busting my ass on that drilling rig.  I am about to head home for four days of rest.  That’s a 7-hour drive, each way.  So she tells me that her sister and mother are in town staying with us.  My days of relaxing are shot to shit.  And worse yet there’s no way I’m getting her pussy.  I probably won’t even get head.  Ain’t that shit?...

“Oh sorry.  I forget that I’m not with a dozen or so other roughnecks out in the field.  All they talk about is pussy.  Most of them don’t have a girlfriend, let alone a wife.  Hearing them go on and on about fucking and getting a blow job, I forget that other people might talk about something else.

“My god, I just wanted to get home and kick back with a beer and get some head.  You know the kind of blowjob that goes on for an hour and it relaxes your entire body.  That doesn’t even include blowing your wad.  You know what I’m talking about?

“Oh there I go again.  Sorry if I’m telling too much....  I do that when I start drinking.   Do you care if I talk about getting blown?...  Good.  Thought so.  What man doesn’t want head at the end of weeks of working damned hard? 

“…Here’s to blowjobs!  Cheers! 

“Hey Frank! Get my friend here another beer….  Nah!  Put your money away.  I got this. 

“So your car broke down?...  We are one of two taverns for twenty miles.  The other is by the interstate one mile away.  At this time of day it’s quite deserted.  We typically only get locals in here.  That is, unless you are having work done at Mike Larson’s garage.  There’s not that much out here, just the garage, Frank’s tavern, the lodge, and the oilfield’s main office over there across the creek.  Was I right?  Is it your car?

“…That was not a happy nod.  So, you’re here for tonight… Oh wait, the garage is closed for the weekend.  You are here until Monday?  …Again, that nod tells me everything.  Well to make matters worse, there are no available women for at least 50 or 60 miles.  This is what this hellhole has to offer. 

“I don’t know about you but it looks like it’s going to be an evening of pounding the pud.  And when I get done, I’ll use my other hand to make it feel like I’m getting a handjob from someone else.

“Goddamn my girlfriend fucked this all up.  I only had this weekend off, before I have to report back here to start filling in for a bud on Wednesday.  She thought that I would want to spend time with her fucking family.  Sometimes I wonder why I’m still with her.

“You have a wife or girlfriend?... 

“…Huh!  Well, sometimes I wish I was like you, single.  But sometimes I really need to get my balls drained.  She gives great head though.  She’s the only girlfriend I had who can take my head in her throat.  I have a big schlong, and every woman I dated complained about its size.  It takes her a long time to throat me.  Most of the time I get frustrated, and I wind up grabbing her head and fucking her mouth.  Eventually it ends in her throat.  She has never taken me down to the root.

“But I really have to be buzzed to get into skull fucking the bitch.  The part she really hates is me dick slapping her.  As I said, I have a gigantic dick.  Smacking her upside her head with my cock usually throws her off balance.  So does a face slap with my hand. 

“When I get in the zone, I am all kinds of aggressive.  I am only after one thing, to bust my nut.  If that means roughing up the bitch, then she’s going to get roughed up.  If I’m drunk enough, I’ll not only fuck her cunt, but she’ll take me in her ass.

“Right now, if she were here, I would be fucking her in every position in every hole.  I wouldn’t care if she was enjoying it.  I’m so fucking horny.  I would use any woman right now.  I can’t have a weekend of jerking off.  Hell, if there was a faggot, I would use him the same way. 

“And it’s a good thing that I have a faggot sitting not ten feet away from me, paying attention to every word I say, licking his lips every time I mention blowjobs, and responding with awkward silence when I asked if he had a bitch back home.  No straight man acts this way.

“I would ask you if you are a cock sucking faggot, but we both know the answer.  Don’t we?  So this is what is going to happen.  I’m going to walk over there, to the men’s toilet.  You want my fat hog in your faggot throat, you follow me in.  Don’t say a word.  Get on your faggot knees and open your faggot mouth. 

“I’ll give you until I drain my piss.  If you don’t come in at that time, then you better be out of here and hide in your room at the lodge.

“I really got to piss, so you don’t have much time….

“…Well fuck.  I would have thought you would have taken some time to think about it.  But OK.

“I really have to piss.  While I do that get in the stall and on your knees.  Be ready for me.  I swear, the beers just pour right through me.  Oh, this feels good—

“What the fuck?  I’m not done pissing….  Oh?  So, you are one of those kinds of faggots.  Nasty piss drinking faggot!  Oh fuck, your mouth feels good.  You are definitely getting a reaction out of my hog.  That’s it for my piss for now.

“Faggot, see how big it is?  You think you can take it?

“Jesus fuck!  Right to the root with no problem!  Holy shit.  You faggots know what you are doing.  Oh man.  This is… fuck!  Oh my god! 

“Bob up and down.  Go head-to-root-to-head-to-root.  Fuck!  This is the blowjob I have been looking for all my life.  Lucky me I found me a faggot with car problems.

“Pull off.  I said, ‘Pull off!’  Look up at me.  Hold still…. 

“…What?  Nothing?  I just gave you one of the hardest bitch slaps I have ever given and you just take it….  Wait, what did you just say?  Did you just thank me… for bitch slapping you?

“Get up.  Get your faggot-ty ass up.  Let’s go.  Move!

“We are going to my room at the lodge.  You are going to spend your night with me. 

“Pay Frank your tab and leave a good tip.  Meet me outside…  A fifty?  You know what a good tip is, that or you didn’t care to wait for him to give you change.

“OK faggot.  I have never used a fag before.  But damn, that one minute in the toilet told me I have been missing out. 

“Over here.  I’m the last room.  The lodge is free for us roughnecks.  The company pays for our housing.  My room is at the end.  It’s a glorified motel room.  I have tons of beer.  You won’t get any, at least not without it going through me first.  Never did that before, but fuck I liked it.

“I plan on being here for four days.  You are going to spend your time with me and my cock down your throat.  You probably take it up your ass.  I will definitely try that out.

“Now listen up.  I have no interest in you or your dick.  I ain’t sucking you or getting fucked by you.  You try anything like that, and I will beat the shit out of you.  Understand me?...  Understand me faggot?

“And keep up the ‘Yes Sir!’  I like the sound of that.  Here we are.  Faggot this is all new for me.  But I will tell you this, I am liking what has been done so far.  I’m so ready to do this.  My cock has not lost it’s hard on.  I may never go back.  Faggot get inside and strip!”

[all-purpose-dish-soap]

50 / 820 words / for @keegansshark who converted me to the cult of Hesh <3

...

"Anyone sitting here?"

"Uh, no. Knock yourself out."

You sit down across from Hesh. The mess hall isn’t crowded yet. You have plenty of space. "So. About yesterday."

"Remind me,” he says. “It's been a long week."

You roll an orange in your palms. "I was just wondering. Do you want to?"

"Want to what?"

You stare at him, brows raised, curving your thumbnail into the rind until it dawns on him.

"Oh. That."

You've never seen him nervous, and most people wouldn't peg him as nervous right now. You can see it, though.

"I think so. Yeah. I mean, yeah." Hesh looks down at his tray. "I want to."

You begin peeling the skin off in one long strip. "Haven't had time?"

"I haven't, no. I've... you know... been focused on other things." Hesh takes a long swallow of water. “Military stuff."

"Dad stuff."

"Yeah. Dad stuff."

"You looking to change that?"

"Eventually."

"Hm." You dig your nail into a stubborn bit of orange skin. "But not yet?"

Hesh falters. His eyes flicker down to your hands. "The issue isn’t when I want to. It’s how.”

“Ah.”

“I've never actually dated. Or had a girlfriend. I don't know where to start."

"If you want to give it a shot, I can help you out."

Hesh blinks like he's not sure you meant what you just said. "You? Help me out with women?"

You snort. "Not with women. With sex."

Hesh's brow furrows. "What?"

"You said you’re interested in sex. I'll have sex with you if you want."

For several seconds, Hesh doesn't respond. Then he asks, "Why?"

You shrug and tilt your gaze to the side, glancing at the other soldiers in the cafeteria. They don't pay your conversation much attention. "Because this is No Man's Land. If you're waiting for a golden opportunity, you'll probably die before it comes along."

"No, I mean-- why not one of the other guys in our unit?"

"Pretty sure you could get one of them to do it for you if you prefer that. Keegan once told me about this one time when he--"

"No. No, I mean," Hesh says hastily, "why me? Why are you offering me, uh... what you're offering me?"

You peer at him. He doesn't look nervous, but the tips of his ears turn a darker shade of pink. You lean back and bite an orange slice in half. "Because you've never done it."

"Right. But, I mean, that's not a reason." Hesh pauses, searching for the right words. "You can't possibly be interested in me."

"We're friends, aren't we?"

Hesh glances away again. Friends is strong language for it. "Still."

"You want to know what's in it for me," you guess.

"Yes. I do." Hesh crosses his arms, waiting for you to speak. You pop an orange slice in your mouth and chew slowly. Then you peel away another two slices and begin stripping them of their stringy pulp. "Yeah, what is in it for you?"

"I mean, I’m no golden opportunity, but I’d feel sad if you died tomorrow never having known the touch of another person or whatever. Life sucks out here. We have to take small pleasures where we can get them." You pull a piece of rind out of your teeth and flick it into the pile of orange skins. "Something like that."

"So, out of pity."

At his deadpan look, a smirk spreads across your face. "If that's what you wanna call it. I don't make this offer to everyone, if that's what you're asking. It's Merrick's job to fuck the newbies, not mine."

Hesh's eyebrows shoot up.

"I'm kidding."

“Uh huh.” He's not sure how to feel. It's almost a relief that it's not about him, personally. It's not about him at all. Just No Man's Land. "Aren't there rules about that? Fraternizing, or... or whatever."

You tilt your head at him. It's a little funny to see him flustered. He has the whole act down, usually—refined, quiet, confident strength. Almost a perfect soldier. Lab-grown for the Ghosts.

“It's fine, Hesh, really. No big deal either way. You know where my bunk is if you change your mind.” You scoop orange peel scraps off the table. “You've got a night if you want it."

"Wait," Hesh says as you rise. "It's not that, it’s…”

As you walk away, Hesh barely quashes the sudden urge to stand up, back straight, like the goddamn president is leaving the mess hall. He's not even sure what he wants to say. There’s a strange desperation in his gut to keep the conversation from ending yet.

Instead, he watches you go and his stomach flips sideways.

You dump your orange peel into the compost and head for your bunk. Merrick sits at the fringe of the cafeteria. He looks at you, then at Hesh, and his brow creases in confusion. You shake your head as if to say nah, don't ask.

...

more call of duty: ghosts / masterlist tag

[samscomfortcove]

1.6k bakugou x reader

𖦹:･ﾟ⋆｡°⭒✩･:*:｡

Bakugou pissed you off. Majorly. He was such an asshole and made you constantly want to punch the smug expression right off of his face. Every training session with him made you want to scream in frustration, and you did, before plunging towards him, fists in the air. And he dodged you every time, making you even more pissed. You knew this anger was keeping you from using your brain, tactics and techniques flew out the window every time you were up against him. There was always a 50/50 on who would win, either you cooled down or let him rile you up. God you hated him. He made your pulse race, adrenaline pumping through your veins every time you set your sights on him. 

—

A screaming match with him the night before had left you restless, the first few hours spent staring at your ceiling, willing yourself to sleep. The couple of hours that you did sleep, it was fitful. You woke with a groan at the ungodly hours of early morning, and all you wanted to do was demolish a training dummy in the gym. 

You were glad to find the gym quiet and empty. The room with equipment let out to another empty area, training mats lining the floor. Fighting sticks and boxing gloves were hung up on the walls and multiple training dummies were set in a line, and you selected the one with the most narcissistic expression on its face. Wrapping your hands in boxing tape, you glared at the dummy as if it had killed your entire family. You were half tempted to tape on a picture of Bakugou’s smug fucking face to it. Taking in a deep breath, you SCREAMED as you laid punch after punch to the dummy, a few kicks for good measure.

Taking a few minutes to breathe, you continued your assault on the dummy. Over your frustrated yells you couldn’t hear the click of the door, or notice the person that had walked into the room, and was watching you with his hands on his hips and smirk on his face. 

So wrapped up in your attempted murder of the training dummy, you screamed between your kicks, “Bakugou Katsuki, you fucking prick! Why are you so goddamn frustrating! Aahhhh!” Finally breathless, you stood there panting. Your soul nearly jumped out of your body when you heard a voice behind you “Is that really what you think?”, Bakugou chuckled. 

“What are you doing here?”, you said between deep breaths

“Last I checked, dumbass, the training facilities are here for all of us”, he retorted, “Not just for you”.

“Whatever. I’m leaving anyways. The gym’s yours”

You thought you saw disappointment flicker in his eyes. No way. He probably wants me gone so he can have the place to himself. He let out a laugh, “Tired already, huh?”

 You knew he was riling you up on purpose, but you couldn’t help but let him. You had to prove yourself, especially in front of him. You knew you fought best when it was against him. He pushed you in a way that no one in 1A could even begin to. He taunted and teased, knowing that it would get to you. Make you want to fight harder, to win.

“You wanna fight?”, you growled, “Then let’s fight”. You poised yourself on one side of the mat, a deathly glare shot in his direction. A feral grin lit up his face, his scarlet eyes blazing. He shot towards you, palms sparking. You dodged, shooting below his reach, a powerful blow to his abdomen, amplified by your quirk. Don’t let him distract you. You wouldn’t let him win. 

You delivered hit after hit. Most of them he dodged, but the ones that landed slowed him down. In between your own punches, he managed to get a couple attacks through to you. His explosions burned against your skin but the adrenaline dulled any pain. He wasn’t going to go easy on you, but then again he never did. Most of the other students were too nice, never going all out during training, but never Bakugou. He pushed himself and others to the limit. “Come on, that all ya got?”.

You grabbed his arm, thumb pressed to a sensitive spot next to his elbow. Twisting it painfully,you held it behind his back. You tried to get him down, but his free hand came around and knocked you off your legs. With a grunt you landed on your back. His momentary smugness gave you the opportunity to swoop your legs behind his knees, bringing him down with you. You were quicker getting onto your knees, and clambered onto him, pining him down with your entire body. He was huge, and god knew you wouldn’t have been able to keep him down with just your arms. 

You immediately realised this was the wrong move, because the boy had flipped you onto your back in seconds, looming over you with that goddamn smirk on his face again. His red eyes burned and you flushed, realising the compromising position you were in. Your heartbeat thumped in your ears and he was so close-Your hands lay by your sides as you harnessed your quirk, using all your power to knock him off of you. The momentum had him on his back with a groan. You scrambled to standing position and before he had to chance to get up, you placed your foot on his chest, grinning down an him for a change. “So, do I win or…?”, you said, proudly.

“Yeah yeah whatever”, Bakugou grumbled, pushing your foot off of him. You held out you hand for him to take, but he smacked it aside, getting up on his own. 

“It was just dumb luck, nerd”

“Oh really. You wanna go again?”

When he didn’t answer, you turned on your heel, moving towards your stuff,and a swift kick to the back of you knees had you on the ground again. The boy had you pinned down to the floor, his hips encircling your own. You let out a gasp. “Here’s where we were, before you decided to cheat”, he chortled.

“Yeah, I’m clearly the one who’s cheating here,” Your reply dripping with sarcasm. Whatever sharp comment you had lined up died in you throat when you realised just how close his face was to yours. You could feel his warm breath brushing your cheeks. His eyes darkened, pupils nearly swallowing the red in his eyes. Your breathing stuttered when his gaze moved to your lips. 

Most times you sparred with Bakugou, it was in class, and when it wasn’t, at least one of your friends was present, joining in on your early morning trainings. Heaven knew none of your classmates was willing to let the two of you fight alone, lest one rip the others head off. There was no one around you now, the air having grown thick, tension simmering between the two of you. 

The restlessness you felt around him sparked in your veins once again and it took over the exhaustion you had just been feeling. His gaze was hungry as he took in your face, eyes once again landing on your lips. He let out a huff before letting his lips crash into yours. The kiss was desperate and aggressive with months of pent up frustration. His hands frantically roamed your body as your hands came up and tangled themselves in his hair. You tugged at his blond locks, being rewarded with a breathy groan from Bakugou. His mouth moved to your jaw, slowing pacing towards your neck. You arched into his touch, pants and gasps spilling from your mouth. 

Is this what all the frustration, all the anger was? All this time, did you want him to touch you like this? All the times just one glance at him had your nerves fizzing, body buzzing with the need to… do something… is this what it was? 

As if he could hear the cogs in your brain turning, Bakugou stopped, eyes fluttering over your face, the lines between your brows. He moved off of you, onto his haunches, pulling you onto your knees to face him. You couldn’t read the expression etched onto his features. A whisper of a smile graced his lips. He raised his eyebrows.

“God, how can such a nerd be so slow”, Bakugou chuckled, “I mean, look at your face dumbass. You have no idea what’s happening. What more is it going to take for you to realise?”

Your brain was still foggy from that kiss. “Huh”, you said dumbly. 

“You’re such an idiot. I like you dumbass. And after the way ya just kissed me, I know for a fact you want me too”.

You wanted to deny it, but God, the past few moments of your brain running had made you realise just what everything you felt towards him had truly meant. But still, you were too proud to let him have it so easily. 

You scoffed, “You kissed me first, you spiky haired Pomeranian”.

He blinked at you with fury, “What did ya just call me?”

“Nothing baby”, you teased, the most innocent look on your face.

“Oh really”

He ran at you, a dangerous smirk on his face, full speed as you tried your best to get away from him. Propelled by his quirk, he caught up to you, pulling you into a kiss that seemed to melt your insides. In one swift movement he had you pulled over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry baby, I know just the thing that’ll teach ya”. Goosebumps erupted on your skin at his words, and you flushed, heat creeping up all over your body. Nobody had woken up yet, the sun just beginning to spill through the large windows of the dorm. Hanging limply off his shoulder, he took you straight to his room, making sure to lock the door behind him.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Eleanor Parker (Scaramouche, The Sound of Music)— Eulogized as a ravishing beauty whose looks were merely ornamental to her craft, feast your eyes on Eleanor Parker. Listen! I know you're thinking of the Baroness in Sound of Music and saying NO I won't protect the woman who tried to steal him from Maria but forget about that (like you personally wouldn't shoot your shot with Plummer)! The trailer for Scaramouche describes her character Lenore as "The glamourous queen of the nightlife of Paris. A flame-haired wildcat" and this is a woman who was able to pull off that role, and you get the vibe she was like that irl too. There's a story about her changing hair colors that never fails to make me laugh. Take note of her stunning eyes! Her amazing legs! And to see her in motion is to make note of the aura about her, she has an amazing presence. Fall in love with Eleanor Parker today, and make your vote count!

Audrey Hepburn (My Fair Lady, Sabrina, Roman Holiday)—Growing up, Audrey Hepburn desperately wanting to be a professional ballerina, but she was starved during WWII and couldn't pursue her dream due to the effects of malnourishment. After she was cast in Roman Holiday, she skyrocketed to fame, and appeared in classics like My Fair Lady and Breakfast at Tiffany's. She's gorgeous, and mixes humor and class in all of her performances. After the majority of her acting career came to close, she became a UNICEF ambassador.

This is round 3 of the tournament. (yes I know it says round 2 in the poll. sometimes I post these when I’m sleepy.) All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Eleanor Parker:

“When I’m spotted somewhere, it means that my characterizations haven’t covered up Eleanor Parker the person. I prefer it the other way around.” So shy she was actively nervous about winning awards in person, her personal life remains mostly behind the scenes. But on screen? she was a force majeure. It's a shame the role most people remember her in is the Baroness in The Sound of Music, but then again, it did make Christopher Plummer reminisce upon her passing “I was sure she was enchanted and would live forever.”

Listen we all know Christopher Plummer and Julie Andrews had insane chemistry but the Baroness deserves some love too! She has such a glamorous presence but not in a hard way

She will be known as the fabulous baroness in TSOM, but she was so much more than that. Just as comfortable in westerns or melodrama, the scheming other woman, and the beauty that wins the heart of every man in town.

Audrey Hepburn propaganda:

"She may be a wispy, thin little thing, but when you see that girl, you know you're really in the presence of something. In that league there's only ever been Garbo, and the other Hepburn, and maybe Bergman. It's a rare quality, but boy, do you know when you've found it." - Billy Wilder

Raised money for the resistance in nazi occupied Hungary. Became a humanitarian after retiring. Two very sexy things to do!

where to begin......... i wont her so bad. i literally dont know what to say.

My dude. The big doe eyes, the cheekbones, the voice. The flawless way she carried herself. She was never in a movie where she wasn't drop dead gorgeous. Oh, also the fact she raised funds against the Nazis doing BALLET and she won the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her humanitarian work.

"It’s as if she dropped out of the sky into the ’50s, half wood-nymph, half princess, and then disappeared in her golden coach, wearing her glass slippers and leaving no footprints." - Molly Haskell

"All I want for Christmas is to make another movie with Audrey Hepburn." - Cary Grant

64.media.tumblr.com

I know people nowadays are probably sick of seeing her with all the beauty and fashion merch around that depicts her and/or Marilyn Monroe but she is considered a classic Hollywood beauty for a reason. Ironically in her day she was more of the alternative beauty when compared to many of her contemporaries. She always came off with such elegance and grace, and she was so charming. Apparently she was a delight to work with considering how many of her co-stars had wonderful things to say about her. Outside of her beauty and acting ability she was immensely kind. She helped raise funds for the Dutch resistance during WWII by putting on underground dance performances as well as volunteering at hospitals and other small things to help the resistance. During her Hollywood career and later years she worked with UNICEF a lot. Just an all around beautiful person both inside and out.

No one could wear clothes in this era like she could. She was every major designer's favorite star and as such her films are time capsules of high fashion at the time. But beyond that, she had such an elegance in her screen presence that belied a broad range of ability. From a naive princess, to a confused widow, to a loving and mischievous daughter, she could play it all.

Look at that woman's neck. Don't you want to bite it?

[danceofthephilos]

Hanakotoba and the Meanings of Flowers in SK8 the Infinity

Ranging from very overt allusions in the text to single pieces of official art, almost every main character in SK8 has been associated with a flower. Hanakotoba, the Japanese language of flowers, is something that the creators were attentive to, evidenced by its mention both in the show itself and by staff in discussion about the episodes, and considering how hanakotoba might have been taken into account in the other examples of flower imagery can add an interesting layer of symbolism to speculate on.

The hanakotoba columns on GreenSnap were my primary source for this post, but I've crosschecked the meanings on multiple websites as much as possible to ensure the factual information here is accurate to the best of my ability. This is quite a long post, so bear with me.

🌹 Roses 🌹

Naturally, the first flower to start with is the one that is directly mentioned in the show itself:

As Adam says, red roses do mean "passionate love", though his particular wording (jounetsu no ai) is slightly paraphrased from how that meaning is typically worded. (If you look up the meaning of roses in hanakotoba, you may see netsuretsu na koi (熱烈な恋) instead.) They can also simply mean "love" and "passion" (ai and jounetsu, as Adam uses in this line), as well as "beauty" and "I'm in love with you."

In Japanese as in English, red roses are a very classically romantic gift, so in the finale and the Blu-ray box art, it seems Adam's passionate love hasn't waned.

There are also specific meanings for certain numbers of flowers in a bouquet of roses, and while it's never stated how many roses are in the first bouquet Adam brings Langa, extrapolating from how many flowers are visible in the shots and how many are hidden, as well as the bouquet at Adam's birthday display at the 2022 NAMJATOWN collaboration containing 50 flowers (as I was able to confirm from some fans' photos from better angles, that I won't be reposting here as they were personal photos on Twitter) I believe that the bouquet in the show also contains 50, which means "eternity."

Adam's bouquets to Langa are also not the only times roses appear in relation to him, nor is red the only color they appear in. Several flashback shots of Ainosuke and Tadashi as children feature red roses, which has quite clear subtextual implications, especially alongside the comparison between Tadashi and Langa made in the show itself.

But one prominent flashback also includes pink roses, meaning "deep impression."

In Ainosuke and Tadashi's last scene together in the finale, there's a vase of purple roses behind them, meaning "pride" or "respect."

And his graffiti tag from the 2022 Infinity Week art features blue roses, which, along with being in Langa's image color, mean "dream come true", "impossible" or "miracle."

Roses also have a lengthy history of associations with gay men, both in real-life Japanese gay culture and in the boys' love genre, and how this relates to the use of rose imagery in SK8 could (and likely eventually will) be its own post, but it's an extra aspect to take into consideration with Adam especially.

As a bonus, the mangaka for the official manga adaptation also drew Langa and Reki with red and blue roses (respectively) to celebrate the season finale:

And while Reki is never associated with roses in any more official capacity, Langa does have red roses in his house that are visible in a few scenes:

~

🌷 Tulips 🌷

This is another one that's directly confirmed, this time regarding Shadow's bouquet in the ending montage.

For love bouquets, Adam uses roses, so Hiromi-chan's was tulips and white baby's breath. In hanakotoba, red tulips mean "confession of love." Pink means "sincere love." Orange means "shyness", so we went with these three. Plus, white tulips are "new love" or "unrequited love" so we stopped there… (lol) By the way, in hanakotoba, baby's breath means "innocent love" and "gratitude."

(Episode 12 Director Masatoyo Takada, Skater's Backstage)

Tulips in general mean "charity" and "thoughtfulness", and Shadow is frequently associated with them outside of just this scene, whether on his clothes or in official merchandise. "Tulip" is also the name of the flower shop where he works!

He's holding another bouquet of tulips on the Blu-ray box art, as well, with the same colors as in the finale - but with the addition of the mentioned white tulips for "unrequited love", and yellow tulips, which can mean "honesty", but can mean "unrequited love" (or "hopeless love") too... Sorry, Shadow.

~

🌺 Hibiscus 🌺

Moving away from directly stated connections into slightly more obscure ones, Reki is nevertheless visually associated with hibiscus in several places, both in shots in the show and in his 2021 birthday art.

Hibiscus flowers generally can mean "new love", "trust" and "I believe in you" (a meaning thought to originate from Hinduism), while red hibiscus specifically (as Reki is depicted with) mean "bravery."

Hibiscus flowers are also considered as symbol of Okinawa as a whole, making them an especially fitting flower for Reki, who's implied to be of indigenous Ryukyuan descent and is the character who could be considered the most representative of Okinawa (and Langa's new life there) in the show,

~

🌸 Cherry Blossoms 🌸

This one is fairly self-explanatory; Kaoru's surname is Sakurayashiki (sakura being the Japanese word for cherry blossoms), his S name is Cherry Blossom, cherry blossoms feature on his costume and heavily in the decor in his calligraphy studio, et cetera. As one of the most well-known and famously Japanese flowers, they're well suited to Cherry's traditional Japanese image, and the whole aesthetic of his character is themed around them. Even his birthday is on March 27th, Sakura Day in Japan.

In hanakotoba, cherry blossoms' most well-known meaning is "moral beauty", a phrase referring to the beauty of someone's personality or character. They can also mean "graceful woman" or "pure-blooded", and the specific species of cherry blossom that the ones in Cherry's design resemble (somei-yoshino cherry blossoms) can additionally mean "noble" or "innocent." The fact that the same flower with such elegant meanings is related to both his public and S personas adds to the characteristic duality between his outward appearance and private personality.

While not specifically hanakotoba, the French meaning of cherry blossoms also appears to be well-known in Japan - "ne m'oubliez pas", or "don't forget me", associated with ending relationships.

~

💮 Chrysanthemums 💮

Another flower associated with a character through their surname, chrysanthemums are the "kiku" (菊) in Kikuchi. A chrysanthemum also features prominently in the design on Adam's skateboard.

Chrysanthemums also appear on both Adam and Tadashi's clothes in a few pieces of official art.

Chrysanthemums' meanings in hanakotoba are all variations of "nobility" and "purity." They're a flower with great cultural significance in Japan, being the crest of the Imperial family, and often appear as a symbol of Japanese society itself - including on the badges worn by both Diet members such as Ainosuke and even certain ones worn by their secretaries, making this flower one that's representative of a very important aspect of both their lives.

While there's no particular history to this meaning, due to the romantic color, red chrysanthemums such as the one on Adam's board can also mean "I love you."

According to director Utsumi in the 2022 Infinity Week livestream, the chrysanthemum on Adam's board was a happy accident, as Thomas Romain, the artist who designed the board, didn't know Tadashi's name or anything about his history with Adam when creating it. The double layer of symbolism is an incredible coincidence!

~

🌻 Sunflowers 🌻

Joe doesn't have any particular connection with flowers in the show himself, but there is one piece of official art featuring him with sunflowers, which complement the strong association he does have with the sun.

In hanakotoba, sunflowers mean "admiration", "longing" or "I'm only looking at you" - originating from the way sunflowers will always turn to face the sun. As this particular piece of official art was for a magazine feature for White Day (a Japanese holiday where men receive gifts from women they gave gifts to on Valentine's Day), perhaps they're meant to be a gift to him. As Joe's stronger association is with the sun itself (his tattoo is of the sun, his board has the word "sole" - sun in Italian - written on it and a sun incorporated into the design, his restaurant's name (Sia la Luce) translates to "let there be light") he could be seen as the sun that the sunflowers (his admirers) would look towards.

Along with the hibiscus in the image, Reki's birthday event in 2021 also featured sunflowers as part of the display, fitting his yellow image color.

~

❄️ Snowdrops ❄️

And finally, one more case with only a single piece of official art - but one with a very interesting history behind its meanings. In Langa's 2022 birthday art, he's shown holding snowdrops - a natural association with his S name and the fact that he's a former snowboarder.

In hanakotoba, snowdrops mean "hope" and "comfort." These meanings are said, as you will find on any Japanese hanakotoba site, to originate from a story about Adam and Eve dating back to at least 1925, if not earlier (with 1925 being the earliest version of the story the Japanese Wikipedia page on snowdrops is able to cite.) As the story goes, after Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, an angel took pity on them suffering in the winter cold and turned the falling snowflakes into snowdrops, to console them and give them courage. In that 1925 version of the story, the first snowdrop was specifically a gift to Eve:

The Snowdrop Legend When the first winter lay white upon the earth, Eve sorely missed the beautiful things of the field. An angel who pitied her seized a snowflake and, breathing upon it, bade it live, for her delight. It fell to the earth a flower, which Eve caught to her breast with gladness, for not only did it break the spell of winter, but it carried assurance of divine mercy. Hence the flower means consolation and promise.

With both the superficial connections of being winter flowers named after snow and their connection to SK8's intentional biblical themes (as producer Mari Suzuki described the show as a whole as "the story of Adam searching for Eve" in Animedia March 2021), these have some of the deepest meanings of any of the flowers depicted, despite only appearing in a single piece of art.

The flower imagery SK8 uses is fascinating and surprisingly layered, especially knowing the deliberate attention to hanakotoba that was paid in certain cases, and it'll be interesting to see how it might continue to feature in the future.

[catastrfy]

here is some odd stuff that i think may support loni's body swap theory let's start here. nina and maggie confront crowley, and his reaction? "but you were crying"

except it was aziraphale who saw maggie crying. he told crowley she had a "pash" for nina; would he have mentioned the crying? i don't know. but it's ODD.

but there's also this way crowley says "bla bla bla" to nina and maggie -- it's *ridiculously* overdone when compared to when he says it to muriel

and then later when later, the metatron asks crowley if he knows him and says he was a big floating giant head. except when crowley last see the metatron?

when he was in heaven with muriel, in the recording, as one of several enlarged heads on screens.

but somebody else DID see the metatron last as a big floating giant head just a few years ago....

well. ift hey swapped WHEN was it? i LOVE loni's fabulous theory where they posit at "no nightingales but could it have been earlier than that? so i've watched and watched and watched the last episode, and i'm thinking maybe it was when gabriel was having his flashbacks.

i am pretty certain the scene before this was them as themselves. here they are before beez gets the fly and gives it to jim. crowley's got his usual mobile face with his forehead creases and expressive mouth... and he talks to beelzebub the way he had earlier (vs how aziraphale had when he was facing hell in s1e6)

this is the first shot of them after gabriel's flashbacks conclude. look at crowley's face.

it stays blank for the time that gabriel recognises aziraphale, sees the angels, says "eesh" at the demons, brightens when he sees beez, and when beez tells him aziraphale took better care of him than they could've done.

we've seen his face with the closed lips and smoother forehead before:

also, this is subtle and it's entirely possible it only means that this scene was shot over multiple days, but check out the right edge (viewer's right, a's left) of aziraphale's bowtie in each picture here. he's been standing fairly still, yet his tie isn't tied quite the same before the fly and after. you can see an extra stripe at the far right edge in the pic that says "true love" the collar of his jacket has moved; more of the left (our left) side of his waistcoat is visible in the 2nd pic. and again, yes, this absolutely could be different takes, probably not immediately after one another if the bowtie had to be retied. except... didn't they use pre-tied bowties this time around? is this an "everything is meant"???

i had to look at crowley too, of course. pre-fly, immediate post fly, starting to look normal, then aziraphale gives him a shake and he looks up. there ARE subtle changes. the collar button of his shirt changes position and so does his neck noodle. it's hard to see his tattoo until he's outside (although it's clear before beez gives jim the fly), but that may just be lighting. or maybe it takes a moment to settle in? I DONT KNOW (also, beez keeps looking over at aziraphale & crowley and i want to know WHY/what they see!) and oh, have you noticed that the top of aziraphale's right ear SWIVELS when michael is threatening him with being erased fromthe book of life? it starts at teh end of 33:50 and goes into 33:51. and about 15 frames later, the metatron appears at the door. i don't have a way to make it into a gif, but here's the first and last of his ear moving. it's not him turning his head, because that wisp of hair doesn't move, nor does his lobe. just... the top. o.O

and ooho, just today i noticed THIS: here's aziraphale's bowtie when he's telling crowley about the offer to go to heaven. LOOK AT THE TARTAN ON HIS TIE.

previously looking at the tie as the viewer, the vertical stripe pattern of dark stripes is thin dark line, narrow gap, group of medium/dark/medium lines, widish gap, repeat. here it's med/dark/med lines, narrow gap, thin dark line, wider gap, repeat. the fabric is upside down from earlier. (and yes, again, this could be an error by costuming/continuity. but i'm hoping it means something bc everything is meant) if you haven't read loni's theory, go check it out!

[magicshopaholic]

Moving On (Namjoon x OC)

Summary: BTS performs in Amsterdam and Namjoon invites you to the afterparty.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Genre: Angst, smut

Word count: 8.2K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, angst, sex, nudity, making out, fingering, cumming, arguing,

A/N: Takes place a little over a month after Final Destination.

Tagging: @bbl32, @quarter-life-crisis2,  @margopinkerton, @faearchives,  @whoisbts, @purpleseoul7, @sumzysworld, @kflixnet (if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk)

Listen to: "where does the good go" by tegan and sara

namjoon masterlist | main masterlist

Joon [13:45] Did you get the email from Big Hit?

Kaya [13:50] Yes

Joon [13:51] The number at the end is their London office. They’ve been briefed already and have additional security available for all European locations.

Kaya [13:54] Okay

There’s a break in the chat here. Kaya stares at the time stamp, trying to picture him scrambling to find something else to say.

Joon [14:15] The company managed to track down the account that uploaded the video. Account has been taken down and they’ve sued for invasion of privacy.

Kaya [14:20] Okay 

Joon [14:22] They’ve also offered to add damages to the suit, in case we want that. Do you?

Kaya [14:25] Not really

Joon [14:26] Okay then

Another break. Kaya scans the time stamps again, even though she’s memorised it by now. She remembers the three dots indicating him typing, seeing them appear and disappear over and over again. 

Joon [14:40] How are you?

Kaya [14:45] Fine

Joon [14:46] How‘s work?

Kaya [14:48] Fine

Joon [14:50] Kaya I’m trying

Kaya [14:51] Class starting, got to go

He hadn’t responded and she hadn’t expected him to. Four days post break-up hadn’t been nearly long enough for her to let go of her anger but now, four weeks in, it’s only been replaced with an equal amount of sadness and longing.

Every conversation has been exactly this terse and abrupt, the last one being a week ago. It had appeared when she’d been teaching an elective class and it had taken every ounce of her will to not check it until the class ended. As it turned out, she couldn’t even think of a decent response to it.

“How can he possibly think of asking me this?” Kaya mutters, earphones in as she walks home. It’s dusk, a gorgeous time of the day, but she holds no appreciation for it right now.

“Wouldn’t it be worse if he didn’t ask?” Dilara asks reasonably. She’s in her car by the sound of it, a low hum audible of whichever fancy car of hers she’s decided to take out today.

Kaya swallows, pondering this. It might be, but it doesn’t address the problem she’s too embarrassed to voice out loud: it should be harder for him to ask. The thought that he might not be taking this break-up as hard as she is kills something inside of her, as if she’d misunderstood everything in the last three years. 

Her strategy to save herself from hearing the truth had been to distance herself from everyone, including Yoongi, who had texted her out of the blue one day to ask her if she was okay (she hadn’t responded); Seokjin, who seemed to skirt the topic altogether and sounded as though he was speaking to someone very sick; and especially Dilara, who Kaya knew would be the only one with the capacity to ask insightful questions that she herself was too afraid to.

“It’s just… strange,” is all she can manage. “He hopped on a flight, shot a few emails, came over and broke up with me and then went right back to his schedule, all in one day. And now he's inviting me to a party?"

“After-party, so it won’t be, like… crazy,” Dilara clarifies. “And the concert before it.” 

“I’m definitely not going to his concert.”

“Of course not,” she agrees breezily. “I wouldn’t expect you to. But the party… I mean, it’s a good thing, isn’t it? He doesn’t want you to be strangers.”

Kaya slows down as she approaches the river. She’s taken the long route home today - anything to prolong the commute before another night in her tainted apartment with memories on every surface.

“I don’t know if I want to see him.” I don’t know if I can. “He wants to see me, though, apparently,” she states after a moment.

Dilara doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. “I mean -“ She begins before pausing, then trying again. “I’m sure it’s going to be torture for him to see you. But even that’s better than not seeing you.”

Kaya doesn’t even realise she’d been holding her breath; she exhales as slowly as possible so as to not make a sound, both at Dilara’s words as well as her answering the unasked question.

She doesn’t respond immediately, though. Now that they’re down this route of addressing concerns she’s been harbouring in her heart for weeks, Kaya feels the rest of them on the verge of tumbling out of her mouth.

"You've seen him a bit these last couple of months,” she ventures, lowering her voice and leaning backwards against the railing overlooking the river. “Does it seem like he misses me at all?"

Dilara hums, a little too knowingly for Kaya’s liking. “Of course, he does. He’s not the most expressive when it comes to his feelings but aside from Tae last year, I don't think I've met a more miserable person."

Kaya waits for the swell of happiness or relief at this news, but all it brings with it is a new wave of anger and frustration.

“Thanks.”

"Look, speaking from experience, it's not easy seeing your ex after a difficult break-up,” says Dilara, sighing. “But sometimes you don't realise just how much you needed to see them until you see them, even if it's just to gain some closure."

Closure. It sounds… final. Kaya can’t picture it, being virtual strangers eventually, just bits of each other’s past. Ex-boyfriend, girl of his dreams, the one that got away. She hates all those words because they just don’t apply, not really. They can’t.

She closes her eyes and presses the heel of her palms into them to intercept the wetness forming, not caring that Dilara is still on the other end of the line. She and Namjoon had stood right here, years ago, living in the bliss of a new couple in fresh love. He’d brought her a bunch of tiny yellow flowers from the park, part-cheesy and part-genuine, eyes twinkling and dimples soft.

Kaya squeezes her eyes shut at the memory, terrified at how the edges of it are already blurring. 

“I don’t think I’ll go,” she murmurs, opening her eyes to stare at the ground. “I can’t.” 

“Are you sure?” Dilara sounds slightly surprised.

“Yeah. Two days from now is… it’s too soon. I’ll either cry or yell or… I don’t know. It’s too hard.”

“Oh.” She’s quiet for a few seconds. “Okay. If you’re sure. Let me know if you want to get together on Sunday,” she adds. “Brunch or something.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

—

The next day, Kaya is in the library again, grading papers and wishing she could go back to being a grad student who’s biggest problem was a pop quiz. She’s deliberately chosen a table at the back, away from where the students generally sit, which is why she looks up in surprise when someone comes to her table.

“H-hi, Kaya.” The student waves rests one hand on the back of an empty hair and waves hesitantly with the other.

“Um… hi.” Kaya tries not to frown too conspicuously, for she’s sure she knows this girl. 

Svetlana. Savannah. 

“Elena, right?”

“Yeah,” she answers with a nervous smile. “Um… are you busy?”

Kaya glances at the stacks of papers, books and laptop on the table. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Okay. Well… I just wanted to say hi.”

Kaya nods awkwardly and forces a small smile on her face. “Hi.”

Elena nods, tucking her hair behind her ears. She looks like she’s about to leave but at the last moment, sits down at the table. Kaya feels her smile fade for she really, really wants to be alone right now.

“How - how are things going?” She sounds nervous - extremely so. She seems to be fidgeting slightly and constantly touching her hair. 

“Great,” says Kaya shortly, going back to her paper and hoping she’ll take the hint. “You?”

“Not bad, overall. I guess. Classes are hard and mid-terms are coming up as well…” Elena trails off. “Any plans for the weekend?”

Trying not to sigh, Kaya shakes her head. “Not really. You?”

“Well… I’m going to a concert tomorrow,” she answers hurriedly, and it’s clear that she’s been waiting to divulge this information, oblivious to how Kaya’s heart stops. “It should be fun. Do - do you listen to BTS?”

An unexpected notification from this morning floats into her kind. BTS continues their Europe leg by arriving in Amsterdam, ready to kick off the summer in style!

“No,” she answers truthfully.

“Oh.” Elena is quiet for a moment. “They’re really… good.” 

There’s some awkward silence during which Kaya deliberately writes comments on the paper she’s grading, scratching the pen on the paper and wishing Elena would leave.

“It’ll be good to get out of campus. The people here are kind of intimidating. The parties are pretty wild, too,” she murmurs after a moment, sounding uncomfortable.

Kaya nods absently, uncharacteristically satisfied with the knowledge that she might be intimidating this unwanted guest. “Maybe you’re going to the wrong parties,” she offers.

Elena lets out a nervous laugh again. “Maybe. I never see you at them, though. There’s one, tonight, in the common room. Maybe you could come,” she suggests lightly. “Bring a friend or - or your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she answers flatly, not looking up.

“You - oh.” There’s a note of surprise in her voice. “Oh,” she repeats, this time seemingly to herself. “Are you sure?” she blurts out.

Kaya’s eyes snap up to glare at her. “Pretty sure.”

Elena’s eyes widen. “Oh, of - of course,” she stutters. “Sorry, that - that was a stupid question. Sorry.” She swallows and looks at her lap.

Kaya closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, immediately feeling guilty for snapping at an innocent bystander in this situation. “Elena, I… I really need to get these papers done,” she tells her, her voice one of forced calm. “So…”

The blonde finally seems to understand and awkwardly stands up. “Okay. Um, see you around,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear again. 

Kaya nods as she leaves, Namjoon’s invitation swimming in her mind tantalisingly. She can’t ignore it anymore, the fact that they’re in the same city, her city. If she’s not wrong, he’ll do the concert tomorrow night, the group will probably stay the night and depart by Sunday afternoon or evening and she will probably never see him again.

She attempts to continue grading the paper she was working on when Elena interrupted, but when she finds herself reading the same stupid sentence for the fourth time without retaining anything, she begins packing up, ready to head home.

—

Joon [18:42] Hope to see you there tonight

Kaya, with a loss as to how to respond to this, simply did not. She can’t imagine he would be texting her during his concert, but she also knows he has before, if the situation was urgent enough to demand it. 

She straightens the black dress against her hips and tilts her head at her reflection. It’s a simple dress, plain black, form-fitting and reaching below her knees, but it’s quite possibly the most gorgeous, sexiest dress she owns. 

If she and Namjoon were together, she would have worn it tonight with no hesitation because it would have driven him insane. After weeks of being apart, seeing her in this dress would have rendered him incapable of staying in work mode without dirty texts, flirty touches and eyes from across the room undressing her. Even now, with a bare face, her hair tied into a loose bun and no footwear, the dress is a game-changer.

She gives herself a few moments to imagine this paradise, one that might have come true tonight had she never told him about the break-in. Then, she silently unzips the dress and climbs out of the black fabric pooled around her feet. Tucking it back into her closet, she looks for something else.

Dilara [18:50] In case you change your mind, sharing the location here [Location]

Dilara’s text had come minutes after Namjoon’s, and Kaya has to imagine it was a genuine coincidence. Although she’d replied to neither, it was the second text that caused her to change her mind - that, and the lingering fear that if she didn’t go today, she didn’t know how either of them would be able to maneuver a situation to see each other again.

The concert should end in a little over an hour. Her phone pings again and she groans, for she doesn’t think she can take any more of their unsubtle attempts at convincing her to go tonight. It’s not Namjoon or Dilara, though, but Adam Fischer, her thirty-something thesis advisor, asking if she wants to discuss the coming week’s class schedule tonight.

Kaya shakes her head as she types out a reply (Sorry, I can’t tonight. Will set up a meeting for first thing Monday if that’s okay?), a little rueful. Namjoon heavily disliked Adam, despite having no concrete reason for doing so. He’d always suspected Adam of having feelings for her, even though Adam hadn’t said or done anything to make her think he might. Part of her wonders if she could somehow ditch the party for this meeting and still make sure that the news travelled to Namjoon through the grapevine (Dilara), and if that would still piss him off even now.

She immediately cringes at the pettiness of it, however, sending her reply to Adam and heading into the shower.

The party is at the rooftop restaurant of the hotel next to the concert venue, and presumably where BTS is staying while in Amsterdam. It isn’t as crowded as she was anticipating, although the music is fairly loud. It looks more like a fancy houseparty, and even a few seconds in, Kaya can spot a handful of vaguely famous people in attendance. She looks around for a familiar face, preferably Dilara or Yoongi or one of the younger boys, wishing she’d called ahead and trying not to think about the fact that in spite of not RSVP-ing, her name was on the guest list.

She takes another hesitant step in and audibly sighs when she spots Taehyung, who, for reasons best known to himself, has accessorised his outfit with an ascot. He seems to be in an animated conversation with Jungkook, while standing in between them and facing ahead, with loose curls tumbling down her shoulders and looking slightly bored, is…

“Kaya!”

Dilara’s mouth forms her name over the music as she brushes past her boyfriend and his friend and hurries towards Kaya, looking both happy and relieved to see her. “You look hot!” she exclaims when she reaches her.

“Oh -” Kaya looks down self-consciously; she’d settled for a straight strapless top and jeans, unable to justify dressing sexier without seeming like she was trying too hard for her ex-boyfriend. “Thanks. And you look…” She frowns slightly at Dilara’s mini-dress and go-go boots, with a slightly out-of-place gold ring hanging around her neck. “... like Daphne Blake.”

Dilara’s face visibly falls. “I look like a cartoon character?” she asks, wrinkling her nose.

“Well, a very pretty cartoon character,” she adds quickly. “Especially with the headband. But… why?”

She rolls her eyes. “Taehyung picked it - but I’m sure it’s not because of Daphne Blake.” Spotting Kaya’s confused expression, she shrugs sheepishly. “We got into an argument yesterday about who has better taste, so we decided to go shopping at The Nine Streets and pick each other’s outfits for tonight.”

Kaya raises her eyebrows, something seemingly clicking into place. “So the ascot is your doing?”

“M-hm.” She nods in satisfaction before her eyes widen. “Oh, hey! An ascot - like Fred!” She lets out a low whistle at this realisation and laughs, while Kaya nods knowingly, feeling the urge to smile for the first time in what feels like weeks. “Not planned but zero regrets. I wonder if Tae knows that - oh.”

Kaya cuts her off mid-sentence with a hug, suddenly immensely grateful for Dilara. She can’t remember the last time she’d let anyone into her life this much with the exception of Namjoon; but just maybe, when she’d been happy with him and her guard had been lowered, Dilara had slipped in without warning as well.

She tightens her arms around Kaya and rubs her back. “It’s good to see you, too,” she says, sounding part-surprised and part-delighted. “It’s been a while but I promise that we will still - oh, hey.” The change in tone is abrupt. “Incoming.”

By the way her voice immediately lowers, Kaya is sure she knows what Dilara is referring to. Her heart beating a mile a minute, she pulls away from the hug and turns as casually as she can.

Her first thought is that he looks thinner - visibly so. Well, he’s on tour, says a voice in her head but Kaya suspects that’s not the only reason, for he’d been on tour when he’d broken up with her as well.

His hair is a silvery blond, looking almost metallic; dressed simply in a black T-shirt and  jeans, he runs a hand through his hair so it falls gracefully around his face as he approaches her, his face unreadable.

“Hi,” he says, and it sounds like all the breath has been let out of him with just one word. He swallows and straightens his shoulders, a small smile appearing on his face, the dimple faintly visible. “It’s good to see you, Kaya.”

Kaya nods, unable to speak and overcome with a sudden urge to cry. “You, too,” she murmurs, glancing at the floor and blinking rapidly before looking back up at him, a bit defiantly.

“I’m glad you decided to come.”

She nods again, her chest twisting at how normal he sounds. He’s standing far away from her as well, as though to make it clear in every way possible that they’re not together. 

“Hope you had a good concert,” she ventures, recalling the grad student who’d accosted her yesterday, practically beside herself at attending a BTS concert. “Backstage must have been hectic.”

A flicker of something appears in his eyes for a moment, possibly with memories of backstage. Wishes of luck, last minute hugs, sweaty and passionate kisses fueled by adrenaline. But it disappears instantly and Kaya wonders if she imagined it.

“It was,” he answers, nodding. He slides his hands into his pockets smoothly, leaning back on his heels and his smile widening a little. “But worth it as always. The crew did well.”

Kaya doesn’t even bother nodding this time; all of a sudden, she regrets coming here tonight. Dilara has left, she just realises, and Namjoon is acting like they’re acquaintances at best, making her feel stupid and yet immensely grateful that she didn’t wear the sexy black dress.

At that moment, his eyes flicker to something behind her. “I’m sorry, I just need to go and say hi to a couple of people. But enjoy your night. It’s an open bar,” he adds, smiling and nodding politely before brushing past her and walking away.

Kaya doesn’t move; she doesn’t think she can. Something heavy feels like it’s settled on her chest, the weight of confusion, disbelief and crushing disappointment threatening to suffocate her. She has no idea what she’d been expecting; maybe arguing, fighting, crying together again - but not him not caring. Not this.

Namjoon continues walking in the opposite direction for as long as he can keep Kaya in his peripheral vision, both guilty and relieved when she doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t think he can look her in the eye if she does, witness the pain and hurt in her face that close.

He catches Seokjin’s eye and hurries over to him. Seokjin raises his eyebrows and seems to guess what might have transpired, ushering him over to the other end of the circular bar and out of Kaya’s line of sight.

“How did it go?”

Namjoon rests his palms on the bar and shakes his head, no words coming to him at the moment and feeling like he could throw up. He can’t fathom how he did it, how he stood there before her and didn’t immediately pull her to him, or break down and ask her to forgive him for doing the only thing he knew to do.

“Drink this.” Seokjin slides a glass to him and Namjoon takes it without hesitation, taking a huge gulp and waiting for it to sting his sinuses. 

“This is water,” he states hoarsely, frowning at the glass.

“Cold water,” corrects Seokjin. “It’ll help clear your head.”

Namjoon takes another sip and places the glass down, dropping his head into his hands. “I can’t do this. How do I tell her I can’t do this? How do I ask her to -“ But he breaks off here, his mind swimming with the sight of her bare shoulders and exposed collarbones, imagining how they would feel if he held her.

“Okay.” Seokjin exhales through his nose and pauses. “Look, I have to ask. You’ve seen the state she is in. And you’re…” He struggles for a moment “...like this. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to ask her to get back -“

“No.” The answer is instant, although it’s partly a habit by now. As he does every time his mind tries to convince him otherwise, Namjoon forces the memory of her phone call to the forefront of his mind, the fear in her voice and  devastation on her face when he’d entered her apartment.

“But maybe this is -“

“No.” 

Seokjin is silent and Namjoon can tell that he doesn’t approve. Please don’t ask me again, hyung. He doesn’t know if he did the right thing by inviting her but he couldn’t imagine not doing it either, not being right here in her city, knowing she was so close that he could almost smell the coconut and vanilla in the air and still not see her in the flesh.

“If you’re sure,” says Seokjin at last. “If you are, then I guess you did well. Just… just be normal around her. Keep a normal distance, talk about normal things and…” He half-shrugs, sounding uncertain. “She’s smart. She’ll understand. If you’re sure you want to do this, then… she’ll get it.”

Normal. Namjoon knows what he means, but he wants to tell him that none of this is normal. Not touching her, not being honest with her, not being with her - none of it is normal. 

“She’s talking to Yoongi right now,” he adds, and Namjoon turns to see them near the stairs to the top floor. Kaya’s back is to him, her head lowered slightly and her thumbs hooked onto the back pockets of her jeans, the material hugging her hips and curving down her backside… He swallows and looks away.

“This is your chance,” says Seokjin. “Go and mingle. Let her see you moving on - even if you actually aren’t,” he clarifies quickly. “It won’t be pleasant but it might encourage her to do the same.”

Namjoon isn’t sure of the wisdom of this strategy but ever since the cause of his break-up had been revealed to the older members (and surely to Taehyung at least, by Dilara), he’d almost been relieved that he wouldn’t have to make every decision on his own.

He tries his best to navigate the party after that, making empty conversation with guests, using every bit of remaining energy and willpower to plaster a smile on his face. All the while, part of his attention is constantly on Kaya, registering her familiar figure alone at the bar as she nurses a beer, sometimes with Dilara. 

Be normal. Seokjin’s words start holding less and less meaning with every passing minute, especially when he spots Kaya having finished her drink and he’s struck with the sudden fear that she will leave the party. In an effort to be as normal as he can, Namjoon heads over to the bar where she’s scanning the life-size menu half-heartedly, arms folded across her chest.

“Like anything?” he asks humbly. Long Island Iced Tea or a Mai Tai - depends on the flavours. His heart jolts when she shoots him a doubtful look and doesn’t answer, almost as if she’s wary of talking to him. She leans over the bar and gives the bartender a smile that makes his heart drop, especially when he grins back.

“Komt de mai tai in mango?” she asks, half-pouting when he shakes his head. “Een biertje, alsjeblieft,” she says finally, taking her second beer and turning away from the bar.

Namjoon doesn’t remember ever feeling this distant from her. “I’m glad you came tonight,” he tries again, choosing to look at her even though she’s facing away.

Kaya nods, pursing her lips and looking ahead. “Yeah, you said that already.” But her voice trembles ever so slightly, or maybe he just knows her so well that he’s sure it’s not a case of her not wanting to look at him - she can’t look at him.

It’s all on him now. He started this; if there is any hope of them still staying in each other’s lives, it’s down to him to make it happen. 

“How’s your dissertation going?” he asks, hoping her work is a topic she might open up on.

She shrugs after a moment. “Off schedule,” she answers shortly. “A lot of variables hanging in the air.”

“Did you get into the research project you’d applied for?”

It’s momentary but it appears: the corner of her mouth tilts upwards. “Yeah,” she admits, finally looking at him, albeit hesitantly. “Guess I’ll have a lot more time to focus on it now,” she murmurs, the hint of a smile fading.

Namjoon’s heart sinks. She’s so angry with him; it’s palpable and not something he has ever been on the receiving end of. Her hand hangs by her side; his own itches to link his fingers with his, maybe tug her to him or lead her out of this stupid party where he can plead for her to just look at him.

“Well,” he says, then pauses. “I’m glad you could get the time off tonight. Must have been hard.”

“M-hm, not really.” She shakes her head. “Adam wanted to meet but I’ll probably catch up with him later,” she adds nonchalantly.

Namjoon nods, his hand tightening around his glass. He can’t tell if she’s trying to provoke him, for they do work closely; close enough that Adam’s intentions have always been a point of disagreement for them. He’d never been able to explain to her just how much he hated the way her advisor looked at her when she didn’t notice, how his hugs always lingered a moment too long or how he insisted on calling her late in the evenings to discuss work.

He’s distracted momentarily by Jungkook, who approaches them while bopping effortlessly to the music and stops in between them, turning to face in the same direction as Namjoon and Kaya. He’s definitely tipsy; the smile on his face is too big and he doesn’t seem to be reading the room at all.

“Dilara is a really good dancer, isn’t she?” he says loudly in English to no one in particular. Namjoon frowns and follows his gaze to see Dilara, Taehyung and Hoseok dancing, before turning back to look at Jungkook. On his other side, Kaya is also frowning at him, tilting her head curiously. Their eyes meet and she raises her eyebrows slightly.

Namjoon fights a smile as Kaya half-chuckles and looks away, his heart twisting with longing at how much he misses her. She looks so incredibly beautiful; his eyes sting when he realises that there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it.

“I’m gonna -“ He gestures vaguely and walks away in the opposite direction, desperate to be anywhere but around her before his resolve breaks.

The next half hour is a flurry of faces; Namjoon distracts himself with every single individual at the party, making small talk and exchanging unfunny jokes and hyper aware of Kaya occasionally glancing at him.

He knows, because he’s watching her, too, doing his best to make sure she doesn’t see him looking. He can’t even help it; it’s almost muscle memory at this point.

“Who are you looking at?” The woman he’s talking to asks him point-blank.

Namjoon flushes, realising he’d been staring at Kaya over her shoulder while she’d been speaking.

“No one,” he answers quickly. “Sorry.”

The twenty-something woman frowns curiously. “Are you sure? I’m not offended.”

“It’s… nothing.” He shakes his head and looks at the floor. 

“Ex-girlfriend?”

Ex. Not trusting himself to speak, Namjoon nods. 

“Hm.” She hums, somewhat sympathetically. “Bad break-up?”

“Pretty bad.”

“I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “It’s never easy to be around an ex if it hasn’t ended well.”

“Yeah, well,” he says, desperate to change the topic. “All part of the process, right?”

“Right,” she says encouragingly. “Plus, once you’re past this phase, the one where you constantly want to die, you can begin the drink and eat and hook up as much as you want stage with no judgement.”

He chuckles politely, the prospect sounding horrendous. “Thanks. Feels good to laugh for real.”

She smiles wider and, before he knows it, leans forward and presses a kiss against his lips.

It takes Namjoon a couple of seconds of pure shock before he jumps backwards. “Whoa. What -“ His heart races uncomfortably. “What was that?”

“Sorry,” she says slowly, looking a little confused. “I thought… you wanted to make your ex jealous. Isn’t that where you were going with this?”

“No,” he clarifies immediately. “No. Absolutely not. I don’t want to - no.” In the midst of his minor crisis, he notes how the woman looks almost mortified.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s fine,” he cuts her off, suddenly feeling horribly guilty. He looks up out of habit and sees, unmistakably, Kaya leaving the restaurant, her long dark hair and the shimmery dark blue of her top disappearing out the door.

—

The night has gotten chillier in the last couple of hours and the cool wind hits her bare shoulders the moment she steps out, but Kaya barely feels it. She’s not thinking right now; thinking is what’s got them here, thinking about everything and overthinking to the point of fleeing a restaurant.

“Kaya!” 

Her feet increase their pace automatically the same time her stomach flips, but he’s taller and faster and he reaches her before she can even reach the elevator.

“Kaya,” he repeats hurriedly, reaching and grabbing her elbow. “Wait, please. I’m sorry -”

“Why did you even invite me here?” she asks, cutting him off and turning around to face him. She’s so tired; she didn’t think break-ups could be this exhausting. “You’ve barely said anything to me. Was it to show me in person how you’re moving on? Because if that’s the case, then… message received.”

Namjoon shakes his head immediately; he looks exhausted as well, and Kaya is once again struck by how much thinner he is, overcome with a mixture of empathy and frustration at him. 

“That was not - I didn’t plan that,” he says, sighing. “I don’t even know who she is. She kissed me and it wasn’t… come on, does it look like I’m moving on?” he asks, raising his arms helplessly.

Kaya stares at him and then sighs, shaking her head. “Why did you invite me here?” she asks again, less defensive this time.

“Because I wanted to see you,” he says at once.

She stares at him. “Well, you’ve seen me,” she says, sniffing. “Can I go now?”

“Kaya…”

“What?”

Namjoon runs a hand through his hair, looking lost for words. “Please don’t -“ He breaks off abruptly before taking a step closer to her, his height both large and comforting. “I don’t want you to be sad. I’m sorry.”

Too late. “You’re not supposed to care how I feel. Not anymore.”

He lets out a humourless chuckle. “What?”

“We’re over.” She can hear the tremble in her voice as she crosses her arms across her chest again. “You said it yourself. You’re not supposed to care how I feel.”

“Really?” He narrows his eyes at her. “You think this break-up had anything to do with how I feel about you? You know as I do that it didn’t.” When she doesn’t answer, he sighs. “I did this because I care.”

“If you say so.”

He pokes his tongue into his cheek. “Are you deliberately trying to provoke me or something?”

“Provoke you into what?” she blurts out. “What - what is that you want, exactly? What do you want us to do? Just circle around in each other’s orbits for the rest of our lives, while still being - while still feeling the way we do?” she asks, avoiding her almost-slip of tongue. “We’re just supposed to stay not be together and still stay in each other’s lives? What - what do you want?”

Namjoon opens his mouth but falls silent; it’s clear he hasn’t thought that far ahead - or he can’t say it out loud. “I want…” He begins, before pausing and starting again. “I want… you to be happy,” he says eventually. “And safe.” 

She scoffs and he bristles. 

“I’m serious. I -” He breaks off when someone exits the restaurant, his gaze following them until they’re out of sight before he turns back to her. “This is hard for me, too, you know? Why is it so hard for you to believe I might want you to be happy?”

Kaya exhales but doesn’t answer, because it isn’t hard to believe, not even a little bit. It’s unfortunately the most believable thing he’s ever said to her which means she can’t even fight it.

“How?” she asks finally. “By moving on, like you were pretending to do?”

Namjoon bites his lip and his eyes glaze over, and she knows he’s picturing it. His eyes fall to the floor but he nods slowly anyway. “Yeah, I guess. As long as I don’t have to watch it,” he adds in a mutter.

It’s really over. Kaya feels her eyes well up. “Fine,” she answers quietly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find someone to move on with tonight.” She turns to leave but feels him stop her again. “What?” she snarls.

“Kaya, I -” The lift opens and a handful of people tumble out, holding merchandise and talking loudly. Namjoon’s eyes widen and he immediately grabs her arms and walks her back into a corner, just as the group turns into their corridor and towards the restaurant.

“What are you -”

But the second lift opens just then and they hear the sound of a second group of voices. Namjoon swears under his breath and pushes open a door behind her, walking her back further into the tiny dark room and letting the door swing shut behind him.

“What is wrong with -“

“It’s press,” he hisses, and she falls silent.

He peers out into the corridor through the small window in the door; there’s no light except for the bit through the window and from a skylight in the ceiling. Kaya can smell something vaguely citric that she decides is floor cleaner; they are in a janitor’s closet.

She and Namjoon are frozen in place, his hands still on her arms and hers on his torso to keep from losing her balance. It’s been a long time since they’ve been this close; it takes Kaya a few seconds to realise that the voices outside have disappeared, but he still hasn’t moved away.

Almost as if he’s subconsciously heard her, his thumbs stroke her arm once. The simple touch makes all the anger crumble away for a moment, especially now that it’s just them with the rest of the world shut outside. Kaya hesitates for a moment, then gently rests her forehead on his shoulder. Namjoon stiffens but a moment later, she feels his fingers tighten above her elbows, followed by him loosely enveloping her in his arms.

It seems cruel, almost, that the target of her anger and source of her comfort lie in the same person. It isn’t even a hug; it’s a moment of weakness at best, borne from his almost subconscious need to protect her. For the first time, Kaya wonders if she’s being unfair to him.

Resisting the temptation to wrap her arms around his waist, she steps away from him with difficulty, her back touching the wall. His arms fall from around her reluctantly, his expression resigned. It’s dark but she can see him more clearly than she has all night.

“This is a terrible idea,” she murmurs, echoing her words from a month ago. “The worst you’ve ever had.”

Namjoon exhales shakily but doesn’t argue. “I meant everything I said in that note,” he says, not even trying to hide the tremble in his voice anymore. “And I really do want you to be happy.”

The note. The one he’d kept on her bedside table when he’d left her apartment while she slept, the only thing of his that was left when she’d awoken, naked and alone. She’d only had the strength to read it once before she’d broken down and tucked it deep into her drawer, knowing the words would be etched in her memory.

“You know what will make me happy,” she whispers, looking at the ground. She feels him come closer to her, one hand hovering by her side as though unable to decide if she’d want her to touch him. 

He finally rests it lightly on her waist, moving it slightly upward as she looks up at him, her heart twisting at how he’s unable to meet her eyes. She places her hands on his face, thinking vaguely how much she misses seeing his dimple.

“Joon,” she whispers, waiting for him to nod once. “Look at me.”

Namjoon visibly swallows, gaze still fallen. “Kaya, I…”

“No,” she interrupts him. “Look at me.”

With what seems like an enormous effort, he meets her eyes. This is hard for me too, you know? 

She knows. Kaya strokes his cheekbones with her thumbs, her touch feather-light. “Kiss me,” she whispers. She touches her forehead to his and closes her eyes, hoping he’ll give in, for she can’t go further than this. 

His hand tightens around her waist, pressing her into the wall. Their lips brush momentarily and he shivers.

“Do it,” she urges, her voice barely audible now. “Kiss me.”

She feels his lips before she even registers him moving against her and she leans into it, feeling like she can breathe for the first time in weeks. Come back to me, she thinks desperately. Come back to where you belong.

It’s like he can hear her. Namjoon pulls away, one hand on the wall beside her face for support, the other holding her.

“Fuck,” he whispers, and it sends a jolt of anticipation through her heart. “I love you, Kaya,” he adds, voice full of emotion. Kaya nods, unable to speak, wishing he would meet her eyes. He moves his hands to her face and touches his forehead to hers again, swallowing.

Look at me.

But he doesn’t. “But you have no idea,” he continues, every word sounding like it's costing him effort, “how I felt when you called me that night. The things that went through my mind…” He sniffs, and Kaya’s heart sinks. “I can’t let that happen again baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

She can feel her face start to contort and she drops her hands from his shoulders, for she knows this part by heart. “Goodbye, Namjoon,” she mutters thickly, sliding out from between him and the wall. She pushes open the door and hurries out, leaving him behind.

—

When she hears the knock on her front door the next morning, Kaya is just about to step into the shower. She freezes and sighs, for she really, really needs this shower. She considers ignoring it but the knock sounds again and she groans, abandoning the activity of tying up her hair and letting it fall loose instead. 

Grabbing the old, threadbare robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, she pulls it around herself and shuffles to the front door. She peers through the peephole and her heart stops for a moment, but she steels herself and opens the door.

Namjoon stands before her, hands in his pockets and shoulders slightly hunched. “Hey. I just wanted to - oh, God,” he switches abruptly, his expression changing from vaguely apologetic to shocked, and he slips inside the apartment.

“What?” Kaya asks, taken off guard and stumbling backwards.

“You really opened the door wearing that?” he hisses, shutting the door behind him. “I could’ve been anyone!”

“I knew it was you,” she argues, tightening the belt around her waist and realising, for the first time, how short the robe is. But she isn’t about to admit that to him, especially not when he’s turned up unannounced and decided to begin his visit by berating her. She folds her arms across her chest. “What do you want, Namjoon?”

He hesitates, almost as though he’s just noticing how displeased she is. “Sorry,” he mutters, looking a bit ashamed. “I didn’t mean to… anyway,” he says quickly, wringing his hands and slipping them back in his pockets. “How are you?”

Kaya shrugs suspiciously. He looks remarkably different from where she’d left him last night, almost breaking down and apologising to her. Right now, he seems almost… calm. She can almost imagine that last night had been a slip-up of emotion, possibly due to tiredness and an open bar, whereas in the light of day, he’s back to being the responsible ex who’s fulfilling his obligations by checking up on her each day.

“I’m great.”

He nods after a moment, clearly not believing her. “Well, I came here because…” He sighs and a glimmer of last night’s emotion appears on his face. “I thought about what you said last night. And you were right.”

The jolt in her stomach is almost painful, but Kaya hangs on. If he was talking about what she thinks he is, he would be delivering it far more differently.

“We can’t keep doing this. I can’t expect you to keep doing this,” he adds. “Staying in this limbo, not knowing…” He bites his lip and lowers his gaze, removing his hands from his pockets. “You have every right to move on. I want you to - to be happy.”

Kaya licks her lips slowly. “This,” she says coldly, “could’ve been a text.”

“I didn’t want to leave things the way they were last night,” he tells her, his voice softer. “You’re, uh…” His voice breaks off for a moment. “You’re the love of my life. And we were together for a long time and I… I loved every moment of it. I just want to say goodbye the right way.”

Her throat hurts holding back the rush of emotion that threatens to overwhelm her. 

“Are you sure?” She can’t resist asking, in a whisper. When he nods and lowers his eyes, she feels the heavy, heavy anchor of acceptance settle in her stomach. 

Namjoon hesitantly reaches out with one hand but when she gives him a look, he nods and steps forward, and they meet in their last hug, three and a half years after their first last hug in her apartment.

Kaya hugs him tight, no longer caring about hiding how she feels. There isn’t enough time to try and memorise everything so she doesn’t even try; she just goes higher on her toes and presses her nose into his shoulder, revelling in his scent one last time.

Namjoon doesn’t seem to be doing much better. He’s holding her tight, so tight that it doesn’t seem like he’s ever intending on letting her go. His face is in her hair and his arms stroke her back in small movements, his go-to movement to comfort her since they met.

Just a few more seconds. The sensations increase now; the feel of his shoulders, his chest touching hers - and she’s suddenly conscious of the thin robe being the only thing separating her naked body from him.

At the same time, his hands move to her waist - out of habit, she knows, but she can’t help but be extremely aware of it. His hand stops just above the curve of her hips, quickly and abruptly. 

Her mouth feels dry, but her legs press together. Then, as though he can read her mind and the direction her thoughts are invariably leading in, against her hip, she can feel his body react.

She lets out a soft gasp and feels his body stiffen around her. This is goodbye, a voice reminds her, urging her brain to focus on the matter at hand. But it’s slipping - fading, almost, as a physical urge struggles for dominance. 

Her lips brush his neck as she pulls away - she has to pull away - but it doesn’t matter in the end because somewhere along the way his lips find hers and all thought disappears, replaced by touch, feel and hunger.

Namjoon sighs into her mouth like he’s breathing for the first time, pulling her close. Her robe starts to loosen and he tugs at the belt, groaning when his hands touch her bare skin.

“Fuck, are you really not wearing anything under this?” he murmurs, his voice so low and reverberating so deep inside her that she shivers.

The robe is off; it’s cool and sudden air, a moment where his hands fall from her waist and then their back but this time, it’s skin against skin. It’s lips and sighs and tight grips, the feel of denim, her fingers moving out of habit as they unbutton and unzip - and then there’s pride and relief when she feels his desire for her, still the same as ever, no matter his words.

There’s something solid against her back; somewhere, dimly, her mind registers that her dining table is rickety and has her laptop on it, and then she’s leaning forward and he’s behind her and his chest is against her back and he wants her just as much as he wants him.

“Are you -“

“I’m still on birth control,” she confirms tightly, the next moment feeling his fingers on her hips and then he’s inside her again, after so long. She could almost sob at how good it feels, how right, the lips on her shoulder and his scent and touch.

But it’s over too soon. She gasps and falls forward, her ears ringing and heart hurting at the same time as her heart races. He’s getting close, too; she tries to memorise it now, the exact moment, but then he pulls out. It’s sudden, the emptiness, but the next moment, she feels wetness on her back.

It takes around ten seconds, ten seconds when she’s frozen before she finally hears him sigh and take a step away. A moment later, she reaches across the table and pulls the tissue box towards her, reaching behind and wiping her back.

Kaya turns slightly to see him pulling on his T-shirt, jeans buttoned already. She picks up her robe and pulls it on hurriedly, suddenly not wanting to be naked for even another microsecond in front of him.

Something feels wrong. It’s not the first time he’s finished on her; he’s done it before, on explicit request and without, none of which ever made her feel… like this. Self-conscious. Bare.

Namjoon clears his throat. “I -“ He meets her eyes, still panting slightly. “I still want to… do this right,” he says, sounding almost formal. “Goodbye, Kaya.” 

He starts to take a step forward but pauses. “Maybe we shouldn’t hug,” he murmurs, offering her a small smile. Kaya watches as he hesitantly offers her a hand.

This is goodbye. Kaya can’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortable around him. The momentary loss of her sense of reason feels like it’s returned in full form, and she tightens the robe around her. She starts to reach for his hand but then stops.

“This is what you meant?” she asks quietly. “When you said you wanted to do it the right way? You wanted to see if you could squeeze in one last fuck before you closed this out like a business meeting?”

“What?” Namjoon’s eyes widen. “No! I didn’t - I didn’t want that to happen! I mean - you know that’s not what I meant,” he adds quickly. “I didn’t plan this. You and I both -“

“You planned our break-up and I had no idea,” she cuts him off, the shame and embarrassment creeping up her throat. “I really don’t know anymore.”

He scoffs, but his eyes flicker like he’s been stung. “Is that what you think of me? We were both here, Kaya. It wasn’t just me - you wanted this just as much as I -“

“I slept with Adam.” 

Namjoon freezes. He swallows and his eyes flicker again, rapidly this time. “You’re lying,” he whispers.

Kaya shrugs, holding his gaze with every last bit of willpower in her. “You were the one who told me to move on last night,” she reminds him, watching his expression crumble and doing nothing to stop it.

After what feels like several minutes, or maybe even hours, Namjoon nods slowly. Then, without another word, he turns around and opens the door, walking out of her life and shutting the door behind him.

—

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Hi! Congrats on the followers! Can I request Maneater by Nelly Furtado? With Crosshair?

Hello my lovely Anon!

I am so sorry this took longer than expected to post, things got crazy on the weekend, and then yesterday I was just super exhausted, and went to sleep early.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy my take on, Maneater by Nelly Furtado.

Love oo

Maneater

Warnings: Competition, showing off, betting, mentions of drinking, kissing. I think that's it, if I miss anything please let me know.

Main Master List   | Star Wars Jukebox Roulette |   AO3 Link

The shooting range was rather quiet, except for one lane. 

Every trooper seemed to be surrounding the one lane you occupied, you were too focused on your target, pushing it further and further away, as you sat in your chair using your sniper rifle. 

Crosshair was shocked by the sheer silence that seemed to fill the shooting range. His curiosity getting the best of him, caused him to walk over to where you sat watching as you took another shot. He listened to the murmurs surrounding you, unable to actually see what you looked like or what the big deal was, not that he even really cared.

“No one can make that shot.” One trooper mumbled to the other trooper standing beside him.

“They haven’t missed a shot since they’ve been here.” Another trooper further away from Crosshair stated loudly.

“Think they’d say yes, if I asked them out for a drink?”

Crosshair simply rolled his eyes as he heard the last comment, shaking his head as he set up his own sniper rifle in the lane beside you. With the crowd around, a desire for competition arose in him. A smile etched on his lips, as he couldn’t help wanting to show off. He set his target at the same distance yours was, taking his time to adjust his scope. He took his time and fired at the same moment you did, both of you hitting your targets dead centre. 

The whole crowd went silent.

You jolted at hearing the second shot and seeing the screen register the hit on the distanced target. 

“Nice shot,” you called over to the lane beside you, a sense of competition rising in you at seeing a competitor worthy of your notice finally turning up.

“Likewise,” came the response from the gravelly, low, whisper-like voice. It felt menacing but weirdly comforting in a way. 

“Care to wager, stranger?”

“You think you could beat me?”

“If I don’t, I’ll buy you a drink.”

“And if you win?”

“You buy me a drink.”

“What makes you think I want to spend time with you?”

“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have set up your target right beside me, or even for the same distance.” You smirked as you lined up your shot, “Let’s go one more time, and then every time we make the shot, we increase the target by 50 yards.”

There were murmured whispers from the troopers behind you as they watched the both of you setting up. 

You shook your head ignoring them.  “So what do you say, stranger? Interested?”

“When I win, I’m ordering the biggest and most expensive drink available, and we won’t be going to ‘79s.”

“Fine by me.” You smirked as you both took the shot. 

You both hit every target for the past two hours. Your next target was reaching 11,000 yards; at this range, you doubted if you’d be even able to hit it. As it is, you were stretching the limit of your ability. However you weren’t one to give up, you lined up your shot taking deep breaths, and steadied your breathing. 

Firing.

Ping!

Ping!

You both hit the target again. You were impressed with the stranger beside you.

“You’re really making me work for my drink, aren’t you?” You teased as you both reset the distance to 11,100 yards. After you both hit 7000 yards, you’d agreed to increase the difficulty to 100 yards each time you hit the target. Then when you reached 9000 yards, you both agreed to change the difficulty once again, increasing it to 250 yards each time. 

“Wouldn’t be fair if I was easy on you?”

“True. Alright, since this should be the last one. Let’s go crazy 14,000 yards.”

The murmurs started again behind them, everyone was in disbelief. It seemed as though more and more people on base were coming to check out the competition between you and the mysterious person beside you. 

“You think you can handle that?” Crosshair asked, he was more than impressed with you. You hit your target every time, without delay; plus you had a rather pleasant voice that seemed to stir something deep within him. 

“If I can’t, then you get a free drink. What’s the problem?”

“Hmmm, fine. Just be ready to pay up.” 

Everyone in the gun range quieted down, as they watched you both set your target to 14,000 yards. The only thing that could be heard was the slight shifting from both of them, as they lined up their targets. Once again, almost in sync they slowed down their breathing.

You took a second and slowly squeezed the trigger, watching as the blaster bolt from your rifle took its time to reach the target, only to hit left of centre. You mumbled out a curse, as you looked at Crosshair, he still hit dead centre. 

You stretched as you finally stood after so many hours of sitting and shooting. You moved around the lane, finally getting a look at your opponent. 

Crosshair stood stretching, surprised when he came face to face with you. He expected someone … else. Not someone who took his breath away the moment he met them. 

“Crosshair” he held out his hand unsure of what more to say.

You nodded, smiling, as you introduced yourself, shaking his hand. 

“That’s some good shooting, Crosshair.”

“You too.”

“I gotta ask how did you keep it steady to hit dead centre.”

“Micro-adjustments, they’re so small, almost imperceptible to the human eye.”

You smiled as you leaned against the lane divider, smiling from ear to ear as you kept your eyes on the silver fox in front of you, “Impressive, wanna tell me more over the drink I owe you?”

“Can’t see why not.”

“You free for a drink, now?”

“Definitely.”

Half an hour later, you were both in a taxi unable to keep your hands off each other as you headed to your apartment. The bar could wait. 

Main Master List   | Star Wars Jukebox Roulette |   AO3 Link

Tag list:

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[petew21-blog]

Teach you a lesson

I met Nicholas when we were at elementary school. I hated him the moment I found out who his father is. Everyone was fake and wanted to be friends with him. Not me, at that moment I decided to bully him cause how he had it so much easier than the rest of us.

My terror of bullying was smooth, yet not apparent to others at first. That protected me from any consequences. But in our senior year in high school, Nick suddenly grew balls to resent me and stand up to me. Eventually he got me kicked out of school.

You know, I hated my life. I just went to school cause I had to. My parents were shit, I had no goals, no ambition. I realized that the longest goal I had in life was the bullying of Nicholas. But that would stop now. It suddenly made me feel empty inside. What would I do? I don't even know what to do with my life. I was browsing the internet, when I bumbed into a photo of Nick with his dad. His dad is pretty chill and still good looking for his age. His life must be amazing. I hope he is hard on him.

An idea was born in my head. I searched the internet for ways to possess someone. Possessing Nicholas would be boring, I would have no one to make fun off. But possessing his dad, that is something else.

I found this silly ritual, but it was worth a shot. I lit up the candles, got in the middle and started. My soul was ejected from my body. I was looking at my unconscious body on the floor. Then I imagined Nicholas and his house. I was transported in the blink of an eye. There he was, sitting on his bed, reading a book. "Just you wait"

I explored the house and found his father in the bathroom. Bingo. I dived into his back and then had to fight him for control of his body. He gave up. His body was mine.

"Damn, I look fantastic for a 50 year old!" I flexed my upper body. A tent formed in my pants. Plenty of time for that later on. I have to take care of something now.

I went into his room. He looked at me with a an unknowing smile. "What's up dad?"

I took his book and threw it on the other side of the room. I pushed him on the bed a grabbed him by the neck.

"Dad! Stop! What are you doing?! This hurts, stop this!"

"Daddy isn't here anymore, pipsqueak. It's just you and me."

"Ewan? How... why are you doing this?"

"Cause you got me kicked out and cause I missed bullying you, silly. Your life would be too boring without me."

Then a female voice called us over. "Say a word and I'll kill your father's body. Understand?"

We went to the living room. My wife, I assumed, asked us for a picture for the grandparents.

We went next to each other to pose for the photo. I noticed he wasn't smiling, So I pressed his neck painfully. He smiled just to avoid another punishment.

My new sexy wife took the photo, obviously happy for the result and left the room.

I smiled at him:"I'm going to make your life a living hell. You can count on it. From now on, call me DAD. You'll do whatever I say or else I hurt your family. Understand?"

Yet another story from inbox: I imagine you will have many requests as I have seen these days. I was thinking about a story in which a young man's bully possesses the young man's father, a handsome and rich man, with the intention of becoming the bad boy and the womanizer he always dreamed of, and to torment his new son even more, of course.

I imagine the father as Mark Wahlberg

[wantonrowls]

Stray Kids headcanons: Them as Sugar Daddy

Bang Chan

As a working student, it's difficult to juggle working and studying at the same time. You earn just enough to fund your tuition fees but it's still too far to make some for yourself. It's barely enough for you to eat three meals a day or even go out and have fun so you just tend to do more part time works just so you could live by. This however, changed when your friend encouraged you to follow her and get yourself a Sugar Daddy.

She encouraged you to meet a client that was supposed to be hers but decided to give it to you since she have another booking going on, you shoot your shot and hope for the best, wearing the skimpiest skirt, doing your makeup a bit heavier than usual and wearing the sexiest perfume you own, you sat on the restaurant and waited for the client.

This was unusual, a younger male in a black suit sat in front of you. He smiles at you and introduced himself as the client. You expected the client to be a bit more older, say in late 50's so it was odd to meet someone younger. He told you he is a CFO and works in the gun industry and he wants to have a sugar baby. You sat back and think to yourself, he assured you of the price, handing you the folder to an agreement, he was far more serious about the situation and assured you that if you don't wanna do it anymore you can leave freely which is a win-win situation.

You agreed.

Since then, your rent have not been on due, you have plenty of food on the fridge, you don't go to part time work anymore and most importantly, you can focus on the Uni. Whenever he needs you, he calls from the phone he bought for you and you have to answer it quickly or else he'll get a temper. He splurges for you whenever you go shopping, giving you a pair of his black card which is a gold mine. He just knows that you know your limit and he trusts you to it. You can spend it all you want, you just have to pay him with another method.

Here we go; Having sex is not required but giving him head is a must. He loves it whenever you're cramped up under his office table while he slaps his thick cock at the pad of your tongue. He groans at the feeling whenever you straddle him on his seat while he gets to run his palms in circles at your boobs. His cock twitch in joy to the roleplay you do as his assistant whenever you arrive in a tight office skirt and glasses.

"Hey Boss, I heard you needed me" you leaned at the front of his desk, he bites his thumb at the sight of your cleavege

"Hi my pretty slut assistant, yes I needed you, come here baby" He cooes, pulling you to his seat

Whenever you run your hands under the table to his crotch if he's working or if he's in a meeting, he'll hiss in the painful erection and ends the meeting abruptly. You'll look at him innocently while his sharp gaze pins you in your seat, you're gonna be dead Y/N.

"What did you just do, Y/N?"

"What are you talking about Daddy?"

"You're teasing me Baby, I told you not to do it when other people are around right?"

"I'm sorry Daddy, you just look sexy whenever you're mad"

"Get on your knees and show me how you're sorry then"

You unexpectedly love the relationship you have with him and he is too so if you're really into him, he'll let you move in on his penthouse and have the bestest of sex for whenever you wish, with consent, of course.

When you do, he loves showering you with praises, how good you look bouncing on his thick girth, how beautiful you look even if you're smeared with his cum. How blissful it feels whenever you take him in your mouth, not waisting any drip and slurping him from the shaft like a good sugar baby.

Be ready because you're gonna be showered with his wealth. Dior, Chanel, whatever the fuck you want, he'll buy you with no hesitancy because he loves it if you're happy and loved.

Lee Know

He knows the struggle as he himself climbed from the bottom to where he is now, a CFO of multiple food companies. He's wallet is bounty as fuck when he offers one of his black card the first time he met you after you signed the agreement. He's unsure at first on what to expect from you because it's his first time too but he just made a clear statement that you don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. This includes sex and kinks and even physical touch.

At first he's distant from you. If he calls you about something say to buy you a bag or just chill with him then you better best be on time or he'll be upset because he doesn't like it if you're late. Eventually he warmed up and is more clingly than you expected. Hugs, kisses, licking and biting there's no in between. He always have to have his hands at your skin.

His kink? he's a cat person so when you went to his penthouse he showed you the personalized neck chain that he specifically bought for you. You must wear it if he needs you to.

"Daddy this looks cute"

"Yes Baby, you look wonderful wearing it. Do you like it?"

"I love it Daddy, thank you"

Bonus if you meow at him while you blow him, he'll be in a mess of his moans, locking his palms in a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back and forth.

If you kitten-lick his shaft, he goes nuts. He's weak about your mouth and if your knees hurt, he'll pin you in the bed with his knees instead, shoving himself deep to your throat so you could happily suck him

After that shenanigans he loves to take care of you, he'll scrub your body on the tub and wash your hair, you don't even have to lift a finger because he'll gladly attend to you like a monarch

If he's in a bad mood say you're late or you didn't do what he asked you to do then you have to be on all fours and beg for his mercy, locking you on his bedroom.

"Baby what have I told you about being late? Hmm?" he asks while his thumb grazes at the bottom of your lip

"I'm sorry Daddy, I had to run a errand real quick"

"But my time is much more important, yes?"

"I'm really sorry Daddy, what do you want me to do so you could accept my apology?"

He won't really care if you're in a coughing mess at his girth, you earned it because you wronged him and the only way for him to turn his mood around is if he's balls burried deep on your mouth and your eyes are watering, only then he'll be gentle and sit you to the bed so he could burry his head on your chest

Even if you don't ask for it he'll buy it for you say a dress or a certain book that you were just glancing at at the mall. Chilling with him means that he'll rent the whole fucking place

"Daddy why does my name written in this contract?"

"My Baby said she wants Mcdonalds"

"Yeah….the food, I mean?"

"Oh"

"Oh"

[readychilledwine]

Girl Dad Cass is a god send! Hahaha you should totally write a one shot of reader and Cass’ daughter and Nyx where they end up secretly dating but everyone finds out! Can you imagine the drama? Like they used to play in paint together, Cass helped raise Nyx, but obviously he’s still “not good enough” for Cassian’s little girl and then how offended Rhys would be at that

....Adriana is back so I could put her with the person I'd been originally planning.....

So Small

Summary - After finding Nyx and Adriana together, chaos ensues in the House of Wind

Warnings - implied smut, verbal fighting, some physical stuff because Illyrians, parents walking in on their kids doing things. (It's a reoccurring theme for Cassian. It's what him and reader get as far as Azriel is concerned.)

A/N - When I first wrote Daddy's Girl, I had intended for Adriana to be out on a date with Nyx, but opted against it for some reason. This I can make work, though. I also tried to fulfill two requests in one here for two of my anonies 💜

Adriana felt herself sinking against the front door of the House of Wind, a wide smile engraved on her face.

Tonight had been perfect. He had opened doors for her, paid for their drinks and dinner, he had asked her to dance. She'd been smitten with him since she was a little girl, but now this was different she knew it too. Maybe it was his eyes. Those blue eyes Adriana had found herself falling into since she turned 50 and finally understood what these feelings were.

They had gone beyond childhood infatuation, beyond teen attraction, beyond anything any book or novel had taught her or what she thought she understood from watching the countless stolen kisses and whispered words that occurred between her parents.

Adriana truly believed she was in love.

She stood, shrugging the leather jacket off and hanging it up before tiptoeing quietly towards the stairs. A light flickering on in the living room caught her eye, then the wings, then the spinning chair.

Her father sat illuminated in his full armor, all 7 siphons burning red, his hands folded gently into his lap as if he didn't know what to do with them. "Wherehabeyoubeen?"

The words were slurred together, causing Adriana to giggle. "Have you been drinking, daddy?"

Cassian scoffed as if the idea was insulting before throwing a glass filled with amber liquid over his shoulder, his face falling as it shattered. He cleared his throat, focusing harder, "I would never drink when my babygirl is missing. Where have you been?"

Adriana paused thinking of any excuse she could to hide her date from her over protective father as long as possible. "With Uncle Rhys and Nyx."

Another chair turned and another light illuminated her Uncle Rhys. His cheeks were kissed slightly red, his posture slouched and so casual Adriana thought she had to be dreaming. "Try again." He slurred out.

"Well Nyx was there. As was Ezra." Another chair turned, and Adriana could not longer hold in her laughter as Azriel turned in it, hiccuping heavily as he tried to remember his clearly rehearsed line.

"I forgot what I was supposed to say." Azriel's eyes were distant, hiccups and giggles falling from his mouth as they all snickered before he did a double take towards her, "but where you?"

Nyx, your father is at my house completely shit faced. She heard the heir sigh in her head. Bring Ezra.

She watched as Rhys slowly slid down his chair, lip pulled between her teeth as she tried not to laugh. "Daddy, how much did you three drink?"

She watched as her father looked between the three of them, trying to count on his fingers and blinking rapidly as if they were multiplying on him. "I only had one." His answer was definitive. "Azriel had… how much did you drink, Azzie?"

The shadowsinger went into another hiccup fit before laughter turned into sobered seriousness. Her uncle was playing along and had her breath stilling in her throat. "Addy, I know what you were doing, who you were with." She moved to Azriel, his hand gently taking hers as he blocked Cassian and Rhys from hearing their conversation. "He's a good choice, Adriana." His whispered words clenched at her heart. "I can't imagine a better match for you or him."

Ezra and Nyx appeared. Ezra shirtless and in his sweatpants, clearly having just woken up, further foiled the fake plan she had gone with. Rhys pointed at his nephew, "You were NOT at the concert."

Ezra looked at him, hazel eyes scrunching. "Cauldron boil me, we can't fucking move them out of this house. There's still guest rooms upstairs right?" Adriana nodded as Ezra took his father from her. "Come on dad, let's go lay down."

Azriel nodded, falling back into the act and allowing his son to support him up the stairs to his old bedroom.

Nyx took Rhysand next, "You too, pops. Let's go upstairs and get you some water, yeah?" The heir helped his father, throwing Adriana one last charming smile ans wink as he left her to the lone wolf sitting in a chair, eyes following her every move.

"Daddy, can I deactivate your siphons?" Cassian grunted holding his hands out for her. She pressed the glowing red stones lightly, preparing to step back, only to be yanked into his lap. "Daddy, we can go snuggle in my room."

"Right here is fine." He had his nose buried in her hair. His normal scent of fire and winter air was mixed with the heavy scent of expensive dry aged whiskey and deep wines. "Tell me about your date, nugget."

Adriana froze, leaning back to stare into his eyes. Despite his drunkenness they radiated love, adoration, and almost worship for her. They were the windows into her father's soul, screaming his every emotion to her. The worry, the pain of losing his daughter, the joy in her finally exploring the world.

"I really like him, daddy." Cassian nodded. His hand rubbing his face. "He was good and kind. He held doors open, bought everything, asked me questions about myself." She felt the first sob before the tears actually came and her father buried himself into her shoulder. "Daddy, whats wrong?"

Cassian held tight to her dress, crying into his daughter's shoulder as emotion overwhelmed him. He knew it was the intoxication, and mentally noted in the sober part of his mind to give himself some grace. "I'm just not ready, baby. Your brothers are hardly home anymore, and now you think you can just run around and and date males? I'm old. How am I supposed to handle this."

Adriana smiled thinking of Asher and Flynn up at Windhaven. "Your sons are currently the joint lords of one of the most respected Illyrian Camps. Both with wonderful wives." She brushed his long dark hair from his sweaty forehead. "They're literally coming home for a two week visit tomorrow. And visit almost monthly." She kissed his forehead, watching as his eyes shut and his shoulder relaxed, wings coming to wrap around them.

"I think I'm allowed to date because I am a grown female," Cassian shook his head.

"My baby. You're my baby."

"And I'll always be your baby, daddy." Her tone was gentle but firm, reminding him instantly of her mother. "I will always be your little girl, dad. I just want what you and mom have."

"Does he give you that?" Cassian's voice was almost suddenly sober. "Does he give you those butterflies when he says your name? Does he make your finger and toes feel tingly when he holds your hand?"

Adriana nodded. "Then I can't exactly be mad when you tell me that and I see those stars sparkling in your eyes, can I?" Her brought her head into his shoulder and neck. "How can I say no when you look the happiest I've ever seen you?"

"It'd be pretty rude to, honestly." Cassian hummed. His large hand holding her smaller one, allowing her to feel every scar and callous from years of training to create this beautiful period of peace she was raised in. "I love you, daddy."

"And Gods, I love you," his voice broke again with tears. "I love you so fucking much, baby."

-

3 months later

They got too comfortable. After months of Ezra, Micha, and a few other friends covering for them, they got sloppy.

Nyx had been coming over to bring Adriana paperwork, that was it. She had a few reports he needed to get to his dad as soon as possible, but how could he have said no when he found her alone in an empty home, naked as the day she was born in her room.

It was worth it, he kept telling himself as Cassian kicked him back to the ground. Worth every second. She was worth every second.

"You fucking helped raise her! How long have you been grooming her?! How long have you been taking advantage of her?"

A fist found the side of Nyx's jaw and he caved, calling out for his father and mother. Pleading with Ezra and Azriel to come. His Aunt was trying to hold Cassian back. Screaming at him to stop. Screaming for him to just talk to Nyx and Adriana. Nyx's eyes flicked to where his mate was, the shadow wraith twins holding her tightly as she begged for Cassian to stop.

Shadows and darkness grabbed Cassian, ripping him away from Nyx and allowing soft hands to hold him. "What the fuck is happening here?" His father's loud voice was laced with anger and fury.

It didn't take the shadowsinger long to put two and two together. Adriana's hair was a mess, a soft satin robe tied tight against her body. Nyx was in boxers, the faint outlines of crescent moon shaped wounds in his back and shoulders. "Nyx and Adriana finally got caught." Several eyes shot to him, and he shrugged. "They weren't that sneaky."

Ezra's jaw tightened as he grabbed the dress his own shadows brought him before going to Adriana and covering her in them to allow her to put clothing on. "Just tell them Nyx, cat is out of the bag already."

The heir was holding his jaw, reaching deeply inside himself to prevent from lashing out against Cassian the way his blood was pounding for him to. "She's my mate. We've been dating for close to 7 months now and hid it for this exact reason." Nyx winched as Rhysand came to him, checking the forming bruise.

"I never once tried to touch her when she was a child. I never once told her she couldn't see anyone else. She's been on countless dates with a few other High Lords sons, with a few illyrians from Windhaven, and a random shopkeeper. I never interfered or stopped her."

Cassian growled loudly, about to hit his nephew again until Azriel and y/n held him back. "I have watched what you do to females, Nyx. That's not happening. Not my daughter."

Rhys shot Cassian a look. "What my son has done? You mean following our mutual shit advice and enjoying his youth?"

Adriana felt her world shifting and falling apart, your words were ignored as Rhys and Cassian began to argue again. Her heart was in her throat as she started to cry. Ezra tucked her into him tightly, hand lacing into her locks as he tried to calm her down. "Daddy, I love him," she felt warmth down the bond as Nyx sent a silent I love you back to her.

"I never strung females along the way he has, Rhys," the general growled. "I'm not allowing that to date my girl." Rhys clicked his tongue, finger pointing at Cassian.

You gave the two of them a look before looking between your two child, sympathy etched deep into your features. "Let's all just go sit down and talk about this."

"And he's not good enough. He's going to use you just like he did every female before you."

It was Rhysand's turn then. He jumped Cassian without warning, fists flying as he lost himself and his composure. You went to try to pull them apart, only to have Feyre jump you, thinking you were about to help Cassian.

Hell had broken loose in that moment. You were not combat trained. You were a scholar, a Librarian who spent her days reading and researching ancient civilizations and languages for your High Lord. You could hardly defend yourself against the high lady, just begging her stop, telling her you were trying to stop the fight. Azriel was moving first, but ended up getting tangled into the fight with Cassian and Rhys.

Nyx was immediate to grab his mother, ripping her off of you and staring at her as if she was insane. He knew better than to stop between his father and Cassian. Blood had been drawn between the two. Fists were being thrown at a speed he couldn't even comprehend. He left them to Azriel, Ezra, and their shadows as he knelt down beside his crying aunt. "Mom, you need to go get Madja." His aunt was covered in her own blood, shaking. "Mom, I'm not asking. I am telling you. Go get Madja now."

"Dad, she's hurt, bad." The sentence had Rhys and Cassian stopping mid strike, their shirts both held in one fist. Rhys took one look at you and froze, his hand dropped from Cassian. They had been so caught in their own fight they had not even heard you and Feyre begin to. Cassian's hand dropped from Rhys as he ran to you, cradling you against his chest as you whimpered.

His father's attack was understandable, justified even by Illyrian standards. His mother's attack had been to hurt Cassian to make Cassian feel as low as his parents were right now. It wasn't understandable, nor justified. It went against every lesson Nyx, Ezra, and Adriana had ever been taught. Never harm the priestesses. Never harm the scholars.

"Get out of my house." He demanded. "Take your fucking son and get out of my home." It could have all been forgiven, it could have all been talked out, but this was a line. A crossed, now broken, line Rhysand and Azriel did not know if Feyre or Rhys could fix. "We'll be moved out and into Windhaven by the end of the week. Get the fuck out of my house.. Now."

Adriana had moved from Ezra's protection to her mother, comforting her softly as she began to assess the wounds. "Ezra," Nyx flinched as his mate called for their friend instead of him. "I need water and a few rags please."

The younger shadowsinger moved without hesitation and was back all in time for Rhys and Cassian to begin another verbal spar.

"It was instinct to protect her mate, Cassian, she didn't mean to." Cassian shook his head, holding his wife closer to him.

Azriel looked a Rhys and then down at you and Cassian and instantly moved to help Adriana clean and assess your wounds.

Your lip was split open, jaw bruised, eye bruised. Feyre had not pulled a single punch.

"You think this is justified? I walk in on your son fucking my daughter. I saw red, Rhys. I fought another male who has gone through extensive training." He paused. "I made a comment in anger I shouldn't have and was going to let you beat the shit out of me because I deserved that and I am trained." His finger ran the length of your bloodied lip. "My wife has no training. She's a priestess who claimed sanctuary in the House of Wind and now her high lady has violated that safety."

"Cassian, I'm sorry." Rhysand was pleading. "Let me heal her. Please. Let me heal her and we can all talk about this."

Nyx shook his head at his dad. "We can't fix this," he muttered. "Not right now. It's too fresh."

Rhys disagreed, moving slowly to kneel down next to you. It was a dangerous game. Cassian was always protective of you, even before the bond snapped and you accepted it. He had found you naked, beaten, and covered in the blood of other females in an Illyrian temple. A story all too familiar to them with Azriel's own wife. Unlike the ferocious redhead, though, you had found comfort in the quiet.

Cassian had begun courting you around the same time Azriel had Gwyn. Cassian had found it much harder. You were a gentle being who appreciated the little things, Cassian was a warrior known for grand and dramatic gestures. Oil and fire, they all had joked. But even now, you two and the love you shared burned so brightly it seemed to be a beacon of hope to all around you.

Rhys held eye contact with him, pressing a hand gently to your face. He healed you while maintaining that contact with Cassian, eyes pleading. "Please do not take my son's mate away from him because mine made an unforgivable error. If you never speak to Feyre and I again," Rhysand's throat tightened at the thought alone, "I will understand, but please. Do not make them part ways over this."

Cassian's jaw twitched as Rhys sent him the memories of he and Azriel holding the high lord when Feyre was trapped in Spring and again after Tamlin had taken her in Hybern. "Please do not make him experience the pain I did."

"Ezra, can you take y/n to our room please." Cassian would not look at them. "Nyx there's spare leathers in the shed if you want to borrow some so we can all talk."

-

The conversation had moved to the living room. Adriana tucked tight into Cassian's side as they waited for Madja to come back down. Ezra was pacing the fireplace area. Azriel was in a chair between Rhys and Cassian. Nyx was sat next to his father.

Feyre had left immediately upon her return with Madja, crying as she fully realized the extent of what she had done. She knew she needed to allow her husband to handle his brother and this situation before she could apologize.

"What if-"

"Don't," Cassian stopped Adriana gently. "Don't think that or put it into the air, little one. Positive thoughts only." He kissed her head, refusing to continue the discussion of Feyre's actions until Madja came back.

The old healer appeared downstairs and motioned for Cassian to join her in another room. Adriana folding in on herself, heavy sobs shaking her body as her wings tucked in tight against her frame.

Nyx moved to her instantly. "Adriana, what's going on?"

Adriana shook her head. She knew her mother still had nightmares about her attack, nightmares that kept her father up late into the night. Nightmares that had been gone for a little over a month now, and this may trigger.

Cassian moved back into the room, thanking Madja as she went back up the steps and to your side. He nodded to Adriana, taking a different seat to allow Nyx to continue to comfort her.

Cassian knew what he needed to do, putting a hand on the heir's knee and waiting for him to look at him. When his blue eyes finally did, Cassian spoke. "I am sorry I put my hands on you in anger and said cruel things about you and to you." Nyx felt his lip tremble slightly. "I am sorry, Nyx. I was in shock. I was angry because I didn't even know she's had sex before. I thought that you were-" Cassian shook his head. "There's no excuse for what I said or did. I just hope you can find it in your heart and mind to forgive me someday."

Nyx threw himself into his uncle's arms. "I already forgive you. I promise her first time was special. I promise I treated her well."

"I know you did," Cassian confirmed. "I know you love her. I can see it. I've been able to for a while. Just, please stop hiding things from me when it comes to my daughter." Nyx nodded. "I won't take her away. I promise, Nyxie. Ezra would also kill me."

The young shadowsinger nodded. "I would try. Your old ass is still pretty spunky, though."

Nyx moved back to his spot, allowing Cassian to move to Adriana. "No more lying," he said firmly. "No more hiding anything from us. We raised you in an open and supportive household. We allowed you to make decisions based on your judgements and supported you as long as what you did wouldn't cause harm to anyone else. I raised you better than to keep lies and secrets from your mother and I. Agreed?"

Adriana nodded. "I'm sorry, daddy."

"I know you are, angel. It's okay."

You came down the stairs with Madja. Walking the healer to the door, you stopped as you saw Feyre sitting on the steps. You grabbed her hand gently, pulling her into the living room where your families all sat.

"Are we all actually surprised by this?" You finally asked. "Or are we just trying to continue to deny something that clearly has been existing since Adriana figured out she likes males?"

The room went into laughter. You moved to Nyx, kissing his forehead. "You are so much more than we could have ever asked for, Nyx. I am so sorry this was the response you got." Adriana had moved to Rhysand and Feyre's open arms while you and Cassian paid attention to their oldest son.

"It's my fault too," he closed his eyes, enjoying your hands running through his short hair. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have encouraged her to hide it until we were sure."

"And you are sure now?" You asked holding eye contact with Nyx.

He nodded. Conjuring a small black box and showing Cassian who hid it using his wing. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

You kissed his forehead again, tears welling in your eyes, "Then this is the perfect happy ending."

"No," Cassian spoke softly, watching as Rhysand held Adriana's face in his hands, his forehead resting against hers as they spoke with her about shadowing Feyre for a month. Rhysands thumbs were stroking his daughter's cheeks as she nodded, tears in his and Feyre's eyes. "This is the perfect beginning."

[jarofstyles]

FICTOBER DAY 5- Can I Hold Your Hand?

Here is day 4, a bit of cutie dadrry <3 Enjoy!

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“Can I hold your hand?” The small voice peeped up at him. Their son in his train conductor costume had been insistent that he was too big to hold his father’s hand, he was a big boy now and he could do trick or treating all by himself. 

Y/N pushed the baby carriage, his little sister still a drooly little baby with a plush pumpkin costume on her body and a tiny hat on her head to keep her warm as the october air chilled up. His wife was dressed up in a poodle skirt and letterman jacket, a little tie around her neck and a bouncy ponytail bobbing as she walked. Harry had chosen function this halloween, wearing jeans and a black leather jacket. His saddle shoes were the only thing he purchased for the getup, his hair slicked back in a 50’s like manner- except that one strand that escaped and curled over his head. Y/N had been adamant he not try and fix it, it apparently did something to her. 

“Yeah? Not too big to hold my hand now, mate?” He teased, placing his hand down for the smaller one to take. Their gait was slow, their son not the fastest with his Thomas the Tank Engine soft cut out around his body. It made him a big more clumsy, too, which is why Harry was glad Y/N had put knee guards and gloves on him.

“No. I’m am big, but I don’t like all the noises.” He tried to maintain, but the spooky music filtering through the neighborhood and sound effects of the motion sensor activated decor making the poor thing jump. Hell, one of those things had even made Harry clutch his chest as he had approached the front door to ring for candy. What was with these things getting more and more accessible to the public? He remembered the only time he used to see these things were in haunted houses he went to in uni. Now it seemed everyone on the block had a jumpscare waiting to strike. Stupid screaming skeleton. 

“It’s okay, baby.” Y/N crooned. “Did you know that on one of our first dates, Daddy took me to see a movie and got so scared he screeched?” It was true, but it was justified. Most of the room had jumped or made a noise too- it just so happened that his had been a bit more loud and high pitched than he would have liked. 

Harry looked at her with narrowed eyes, scoffing as his wife grinned like the little shit she was. Really? “Are you ever going to let me live that down? I told you, it was just a bad jump scare. You jumped too.” He looked towards their son, who was giggling simply because Y/N was. “Mumma’s being silly. It’s not a bad thing to scream either, it’s natural.” 

“But you’re so big and old, Daddy. You can’t get scared.” He giggled, his fingers squeezing on to Harry’s as they approached another pathway to go up to the house. It was decked out in cobwebs and had some cool orange and purple lighting, spooky sound effects filtering through hidden speakers in the bushes. The howl of a wolf sounded, having him step closer to Harry’s leg. “You go with me?”

“What’s this, then hm? Make fun of me for being scared and then asking me to go?” He ruffled the conductor hat on his head. “You’re lucky I love you loads and Mumma is afraid of the spiders in those webs or I’d made you go with her.” It was all in jest, Y/N simply shrugging. How was she supposed to know what spiders were fake or real? It would be a perfect place for one to hide and jump into her hair!

“It’s okay to be afraid of things, baby. Your father is just silly. Even sillier than me.” Her hand came up to squish Harry’s chin, letting her lipstick give a big kiss mark on his cheek, the bright red in the perfect shape of her lips. When she pulled back, there were loud giggles as the mark was revealed. Harry didn’t mind, clearly, blushing slightly as he knew exactly what she had done, but to their son it was apparently the funniest thing in the world. Y/N shot him a playful glare before threatening him with the same.  “Go on, then. Or you’re getting a kiss mark from me too. Grab Mumma a chocolate if there is one.”