#so who gives a fuck whether I contribute to things or not?

[nyssasorbit]

.

[slvttyplum]

if there was one thing toji loved more than anything, it was fucking you until your makeup is ruining the sheets from the tear smears, and you're begging him to stop.

maybe it was an ego thing, maybe it was because he liked seeing his lover blabber over their saliva and tears as he face fucked them, waiting for them to flail their arms and begging him to stop. either way, it brought him joy and arousal.

the way he brought you to your breaking point as he pushed his hips into you as his throat hit the back of your throat and tears fell down your face as the apples of your cheeks got warm, and your knees dug into the rug beneath you.

toji knew that any and everytime he would grab the back of your head and push your mouth onto his cock, the first time he cums you.'' be whining for him to give you a break which he won't, because at the end of the day that's what he wants.

what toji wants is for you to flail and whine while you get demolished by his dick and your makeup starts sliding. practically melting off your face as you try to keep up the speed he's rushing you at. every time you try to slither away or even slide your mouth off his dick even a little, he'll push you back onto it and make you take it.

“do it like i taught you.” his eyes piercing into your face and watching your every move, making sure that you're stuffing his dick down his throat. he didn't want you to half ass anything, he wanted to make sure that you were throating him down with no mercy.

he knew that he was doing a good job when he saw your mascara clumping and sliding down that pretty face of yours and your eyes are blood shot red and snot bubbling out your nose and bubbles of spit forming on his cock.

he wanted to look down and see the view beneath him every single night, it drove him fucking insane, it made his legs tremble and only want to drive you to your breaking point faster. the look on your face as he continued to push his hips into you and choking up on his dick trying to breathe was a view that people would pay to see.

along with the running makeup and spit dripped all over your face, toji contributed to the chaos by finishing on your face and having his milky cum sprawled all over your face, not a piece of flesh was left undone.

as much as he loved face fucking you and watching you choke on his dick and trying to breathe, he loved fucking the makeup off of you as well. making sure, he fucks you so hard that your makeup is getting smeared into the sheets and your mascara is running from the tears welling in your eyes and falling like waterfalls.

you're whining and moaning, not stopping a thing. toji didn't have an opinion on whether he cared if you wore makeup or not, the only thing he cared about was having it smeared all over you by the end of the night.

it was a reward having your tears spilled all over your face and your spit dripping out the side of your mouth while having your makeup smeared. that's what he loved and will continue to love because toji is a man of chaos, someone who enjoyed destroying you.

“tell me you love, because i know you do.” while holding your neck and ramming you from the back, his dick touching your sweet spot and making you squirm as the overwhelming pleasure starts to overflow.

don't wear makeup around toji unless you want to get fucked ruthlessly… or do, i don't care. [AS]

[strang3lov3]

I have some thoughts on what’s been happening, and I’ve bit my tongue out of not wanting to get involved in this fabricated bullshit, because it feels pointless and exhausting to rehash what’s been said so many times before. But I am done watching people project their own insecurities onto this fandom space to fuel witch hunts against writers that we read, writers that inspire our own writing. 

This confessions blog is a fucking plague and is born of nothing but pure hatred and jealousy. The people running it and the ones participating in the bullying are being abusive and cruel, and it needs to end. It has fostered an environment of hostility, where everyone in this community feels anxious and upset knowing that this blog is giving a megaphone to anyone to say whatever they want - and absolutely nothing is off the table. Bullying, sexual harassment, misogyny is not only allowed to exist in that space, but encouraged, whether the admins say it is or isn't. They can say whatever they want and it's displayed publicly for everyone to see, yet the only ones who bear responsibility are the people being targeted. Meanwhile, these anonymous individuals enjoy and exploit the privilege of not having their names or blogs attached to their words. This has created a deeply imbalanced power dynamic in our community, and shame on that blog and the individuals contributing to it.

If you are participating in this toxicity, please know that what you are doing is an incredibly immature, selfish, and damaging thing to do to not just to individual writers, but our community as a whole. It doesn't just hurt the people targeted by name and by vague mentions, it trickles down and negatively affects everyone here - both readers and writers, people who take time out of their day to contribute to this space in a positive way for all of us to enjoy, all for free. It is unfair to shade and snark on writers on a confessions blog for not bending to your personal standard or perceived notion of how they should be conducting themselves in this community. I don't know how to make this any clearer, you do not get to dictate how writers engage on this platform. If you cannot look past your own myopic point of view to realize this, you need to log off until you realize that your selfish and entitled behavior will land you absolutely nowhere, and is actively damaging a space people have worked hard to make safe and welcoming.  

To anyone who has perpetuated this hate, your actions are causing real pain and doing lasting damage to real people. You are not a hero, you are not helping anyone by bullying and making this community an unstable and threatening place.

If you have an issue with a writer, figure it out in private. This bullshit needs to come to an end because running around in confessions blogs, hiding behind that cloak of anonymity, is not only pathetic, but it reinforces that this entire drama/discourse is born out of your insecurities and need for validation. You should be embarrassed by your actions.

[womenaremypriority]

This may not be the original meaning of the word, and it may still sound like a “bad” word to some people. But whether you like it or not, the word ‘lesbian’ exists in part to humanize lesbians. It exists so a lesbian girl can look it up after hearing for the first time, with wide eyes, and there there are others like her. It exists so that young lesbians can hear that there are other women like the. It exists so young lesbians can find accurate information about sexual behavior between women. It exists so young lesbians can find role models and spaces and TV shows for people like them.

What do you think happens when you take that away. What do you think happens when the meaning of the word ‘lesbian’ is in the dictionary is ‘non-men loving non-men’. What do you think happens when the lesbian tag on Tumblr mentions penis on every other post. What do you think happens when Reddit groups for lesbians mention finding men attractive constantly. What do you think happens when sex guides for lesbians stress that lesbians can learn to interact with dicks.

What do you fucking think happens?

I don’t give a shit about your “meanings change!” And “words are made up!” I don’t care. I don’t. You can deny all you want, but the only thing you’re meaningfully doing is prioritizing your feelings over the safety and happiness of actual lesbians. You laughed off the idea that predatory men will use the changing definition of lesbian to their advantage? Okay, what about adolescent lesbians trying to find others who are like them? As in- female humans, who only want to date other female humans? What about conversion therapists and upset parents who will say, “plenty of lesbians can like penis!” Oh, they already do that, you say? You’re just letting them continue! You’re just giving them MORE ammo and MORE room to do that, instead of fighting it!

Both liking other women and not liking men are parts of the lesbian experience. Both of these things contribute to why lesbians are oppressed, and if you don’t respect lesbians ability to voice BOTH of those things, simply and easily, you don’t respect lesbians. If you redefine lesbian, you’re not actually taking away the stigma around being a female homosexual. You’re doing nothing but adding to it, and making sure it’s harder to name.

I hope you’re all fucking proud of yourselves. The least you can do is admit that you only care about yourself.

[diagonal-queen]

hii! can i request hunting dogs with clumsy s/o?

Hunting Dogs with a clumsy S/O

♡ pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura, Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: What are the Hunting Dogs like with an S/O who's clumsy?

♡ cw: Swearing, mentions of getting hurt/bumping into things/getting accidental cuts, mention of alcohol

note: It's been a while since I actually posted some proper writing. I genuinely do apologise you guys- there's not really any good excuse for me taking as long as I have. Long work hours and bad home life combined have me absolutely fuckin spent, but I know that's also the case for other writers who still manage to produce work on at least a semi-regular basis. I just wanna try and get on top of some of my reqs that've been gathering dust in my drafts lmao. Thank you guys for your support and I love you all <3 apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fukuchi:

I'm gonna be so real with you right now bro literally doesn't care

Like he gives absolutely no fucks that you're clumsy. Fuck you could trip into one of his many barrels of alcohol and fully destroy it and he just wouldn't even be mad

He'd just help you up and be like 'ah you're so cute when you trip over and faceplant and destroy my stuff <33' (probably not that far from verbatim to be honest)

I genuinely don't know what else to tell you other than 'he doesn't care', because he doesn't. Any mess you make, he'll have it cleaned up. Any precious item you break, he'll just replace it.

His only real concern is you somehow hurting yourself, but even then he's not really that worried because he'll find some insanely talented doctor to fix you right up. It wouldn't be an inconvenience for him at all

(Fukuchi IS a sugar daddy and nobody except me has ever acknowledged it and it's lowkey bothering me like c'mon be so for fucking real guys)

All this being said, he probably wouldn't let you carry something extremely valuable like amenogozen (not like he would let you carry it anyway, but your clumsiness does contribute to his overprotectiveness of that stupid dumbass sword)

As always, he will get pissed if anyone else gives you a hard time for your clumsiness

Your whole dynamic is basically just Ozzie and Fizz lowkey

He really just lets you do your thing honestly, he doesn't care whether it's imperfect or whatever. If you're clumsy, then clumsiness is automatically cute tf

Jouno:

Jouno's like the total opposite of clumsy, literally every particle of his being is perfectly coordinated at all times

So he might be upset at first to learn that your motor skills aren't as up to scratch as his are.

You need to remind him that hey, how does he expect a regular ass person to measure up to a genetically modified super soldier? (which is a totally fair argument that even he doesn't rebut)

And after some consideration he's like 'okay fair' and tries to get used to your clumsiness. Keyword being 'tries'; he's not always perfect at tolerating it, but he's doing his best and that's what counts

If you're the kind of person who curses when you stub your toe (or god forbid that thing where you bump your hipbone on the corner of the table for some reason), he's totally cool with that. He's fully okay with swearing

He just doesn't really like when you randomly yell or cry out in pain really loudly/right near him because of the auditory overload

If you cry he will take the time to calm you down and kiss whatever part of your body you hurt better (pretends to hate it but absolutely doesn't)

Uses your clumsiness as an excuse to hold your hand when you guys go out together <3 he also likes feeling your pulse speed up when he touches you

Will randomly pull you in certain directions while you guys are out walking and when you're like 'why?' he'll be like 'you were about to walk into a pole sweetheart' then you turn back around and yeah he was right

Tecchou:

One of my favourite versions of Tecchou is aloof himbo Tecchou so that's what we're going with. Anyways he would be like '...just stop dropping things tf'

It doesn't take him that long to accept that fact that sometimes you're just clumsy without being able to control it and he probably shouldn't trust you with dangerous or fragile object

It probably secretly annoys him a bit at first but he doesn't wanna make you feel bad about

His attention quickly turns to prioritising your safety, so ultimately he doesn't really care

He's really strong so a lot of the time if you have to carry something heavy he just offers to carry it instead. Not only will he be saving you from back pain but he may also potentially be preventing your toes from being shattered under the weight of whatever you would have been carrying

Tecchou would want to cook for you to keep you away from all the kitchenware and appliances, but you don't let him because you know he'll whip up something absolutely abhorrent. Even if you sometimes get nicked with knives or touch hot pans, it's better than eating his food (sorry Tecchou)

He wouldn't want you to leave your place on your own if the weather is rainy or something because that means the pavement/ground is slippery (if you ask him to carry you the chance of him saying yes is surprisingly high actually)

If you ever bump into him, he'll act nonchalant about it but he would be blushing and sweating and shaking and panicking and screaming crying throwing up hyperventilating fanboying dying

Teruko (platonic):

Like most...general traits that a human could have, Teruko would probably make fun of you for it at first

Eventually her teasing would become more lighthearted and silly instead of genuine, but if anyone else tried to bully for you it it's on SIGHT

Teruko can be clumsy sometimes, but more often than not it's just harmless things like carrying a stack of documents and not making sure to secure it so that sheets of paper don't fly off the top

When it comes to her physical strength and combat everything she does is very intentional and coordinated. If you see her actively being clumsy she probably really does not care about what she's doing lol

She's the kind of person to do dart and knife throwing for fun but if you're even in close range of a blade she freaks out and worries that you're gonna fatally wound yourself somehow

If you do end up getting hurt she'll help fix up your injury, like cleaning wounds or bandaging you up or whatever, but she'll chide you about it the whole time (she's hiding the fact that she's secretly super concerned for you)

Absolutely has a phone recording of you tripping and eating shit and always threatens to send it to people unless you buy her food or something like that lmao

Unlike Jouno or Tecchou she's a little bit of a prick and doesn't warn you when you're about to bump into something and then laughs when you bump into said something

I mean she won't let you get hurt hurt but also seeing people get hurt is funny sometimes lmao

Tachihara:

Let's not pretend that this motherfucker isn't also a clumsy bastard

C'mon the two of you are constantly tripping over your own feet let alone each other's feet. You're an accidental chaotic dual MESS

I mean Tachihara is a little less clumsy than you, being a Hunting Dog and all, but if he's sleep-deprived or drunk or something like that he is a literal safety hazard. He definitely doesn't realise how much of a unit he is

As such, he doesn't really mind that you're also clumsy. If you drop things or whatever he doesn't get upset, just helps you pick/clean them up like the sweetheart he is

Also tries to catch you if you trip over (his success rate is improving steadily) but may also fall over in the process so you never really know

He uses his metal manipulation to keep you from getting hurt. If you're in the kitchen and you're about to drop a pot on the ground he catches it before it lands on your feet. Is he really your man if he doesn't use supernatural abilities to keep you from dropping shit

Pretty much every room in the house is stocked with bandaids just in case. You guys almost always have tons of matching ones, along with bruises and random little sores that you have no memory of attaining

Again, if you're the type of person who swears when you stub your toe, the absolute horrific vulgar language that comes out of Tachihara's mouth when he stubs his toe puts you to SHAME

You're as equally concerned for his wellbeing as he is for yours. You both take good care of each other's physical health where you can

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl

[hinamie]

i normally don’t contribute much of my opinions on chapter content n themes bc a. i think my role in fandom spaces is that of a fanartist and I want to keep my art at the forefront, and b. I am Insecure about how little of the manga I have actually consumed and don’t think I have a solid foundation on which i can offer any coherent arguments or insight. generally I like to leave the long meta 2 people who have been genuinely invested in delving into the manga with the intent of analyzing it . y'all do gods work u are the reason i am not flying through this series completely blind

that being said, i am not here to give criticism on pacing or story cohesion bc quite simply, that is not my wheelhouse. i do, however, want to offer my 2 cents on the concept of choosing to live for others as someone who (like a lot of people is the vibe i’m getting) also struggles w depression and self-worth issues and sees aspects of themselves in megumi as a result. i want to reiterate tht this is not an analysis, these r just my gojo voice personal feelings n u r allowed 2 feel differently based on your own experience :)

let me just say first of all that I can 100% empathize with people wanting to see megumi choose to live fr himself after a lifetime spent in a system notorious fr stripping people of their agency and turning them into tools. i think in a perfect world he Does come to the realization that he’s worth living for. but i also think that him /not/ having crossed that bridge yet is also a very valid n realistic outcome. he's a kid, he's just had the worst experience of his life, he's traumatized and then some -- i only have a bachelor's in psychology and god knows i'm no doctor but personally i wouldn't call that a mental space where self-love is likely to stick

it’s hard to claw yourself out from rock bottom. to expect someone to immediately be able to make the transition from being in the worst mental state of their life to realizing that they are worthy as a person is a tall order that i honestly don't think many people wld b able to fulfil. /I/ certainly haven’t been, and living for others has honestly been what’s kept me going for a long fucking time. even when I’m not necessarily at a low point, I still rly struggle w liking myself n thinking i’m a good person, but what’s been a genuine lifeline fr me when i can't love myself is to direct that love Outwards. If nothing else I know that I have things I can create, and things I can offer others. I've spent countless hours forcing myself to acknowledge that, no matter how much i don’t believe them, if the people around me insist that they see something of value in me or in my work; something tht makes them love me Despite, then that alone is worth staying alive for.

i personally (although i can see how others wld disagree) don’t view the 'living for others' frame of mind as waiting for someone to save you, but rather as holding out hope that there is More out there than your own self-loathing will let you believe. For megumi, it wld seem that his something more was the people he cares about. Yuuji gave him the agency to choose whether or not to keep living, and megumi made that decision of his own accord, which fr someone at their absolute lowest is still a huge achievement! there was agency in that decision, there was selfishness--regardless of the underlying motivation it proved that he /wants/ to live. little side note but i think that megumi Making a selfish decision to live for others' sake should also give a bit of hope that he does have it in him to eventually be able to b equally selfish in the value he places on himself.

anyway that's what i got source: i'm depressed . n look i get that with so little of jjk left, it Is frustrating that we probably Won't see megumi come to the conclusion that he's worthy and that he should live for and love himself. but at the same time i don't think that his decision to keep living for others should b condemned either, bc as someone who has also yet to cross that bridge, sometimes that rly is the first step

[wildpeachfarm]

This was hours ago but it's only just popped up on my dash for me but Rue bothers me so much (in reference to one of your anons discussing her)

Her initial post, after Dream posted a response that made me tear up as someone who's been in an abusive relationship, cut to her saying we don't want you here. Meanwhile she offered no words of support of her own (that I can remember, and if she did its been overshadowed by everything she's said and done since)

Meanwhile his post was the most powerful of any of the ones people made. Someone with a huge platform standing hand in hand with someone and offering such genuine words. And all she could say was get your brownie points somewhere else

Theres a tumblr post floating around how we need to stop caring if people's good actions are done for the right reasons cause if we police that, we'll see less good in the world and Rue sums that up perfectly

I don't care if *you* don't want Dream there, *I* do. I don't speak for Shubble, but between Shubble and Dream's posts after Wilbur's response I damn well near cried cause they hit so close to home. They were both the words of victims, spoken from a place of solidarity and pain. Rue essentially added nothing to the conversation but freaking people out. What she contributed too was a week of unnecessary pain and triggering people and causing a mass exodus and in the end only hurt caiti. Rue claims to speak for victims but she's part of the group of people that have made everything worse. She was reactionary and her actions didn't bring a single good thing to anyone

And again, beating the point to death about how she had more to say about George than Wilbur

It comes off as clout chasing and disingenuous. Sure, George fucked up. But it seems to have been a genuinely mistake vs Wilbur's very deliberate abuse and it's gross to paint the two scenarios with the same brush. I hope she's able to get help after whatever she experienced with wilbur, and I hope through time and reflection she's able to acknowledge her own wrongdoings

But as it stands right now, Rue clearly can't handle having a platform and she needs to go offline for a while. She is part of a problem whether she acknowledges it or not and something has to give sooner or later

honestly i have nothing to add to this you said it very well anon!

[batsplat]

It's a thing I already knew but all your beautiful analysis really made obvious (to me) how much of a grudge holder vale is. That man is never letting it go he's gonna hold his grudges into his grave

you know, I do think this is an interesting issue, because I'm not sure this is true of all his grudges. just sticking here with the grudges he accumulated in his capacity as a competitor, rather than just his general approach to life or whatever... how you judge this will kinda depend on how you feel about the 'reconciliation' he's experienced with some of his rivals - and whether you read the whole thing as sincere or not. now, personally I reckon he still dislikes biaggi, but also you are allowed to just dislike people so I'll give him a pass for that. some of the others, I'm a little more convinced by the whole reconciliation schtick

let's get valentino's take:

interesting that he mentions those three together, isn't it? and like, he's still not messaging biaggi or inviting him to his home - "even with max" kind of tells you all you need to know - but the other two? they said some proper nasty things to each other over the years!! I mean, the casey rivalry, there's some remarks from both sides where quite frankly I think I would struggle just a touch to get over it

I don't know, obviously this could all be pr stuff, but I kind of feel like... y'know, why bother? it's 2022, you're retired, who gives a fuck? sure it's a good look to be all magnanimous, sure it can be a bit of a way of twisting in the knife to the guys left in the cold, but also, who would care if you don't play nice? I think especially with jorge, you surely don't need to do all that, inviting him to your home and dancing with him... (which, again, some of the spats those two had...) and with the casey rivalry, if there's one guy who's still hung up about what happened between the pair of them, it's obviously casey (speaking of blokes who can hold a grudge). maybe this is giving valentino too much credit, but personally I buy it's more or less sincere. there's nothing to really indicate he's still particularly bothered by any of their past disagreements - he's basically going for the 'all's fair in love and motorcycle racing' approach. he knows he was an asshole, he accepts they were assholes too, whatever, that's how these things work. he's generally a fan of drama in rivalries, unsurprisingly, and he was happy enough to contribute his fair share - but he does see it as fundamentally being part of the game

to point out the obvious, check out who he's left out: sete and marc. that's where he can't let go of the grudges... because it's not about the offence itself as much as it is about the betrayal. this is the thing with valentino, right, it's about what kind of bond you had with him. if you weren't his friend in the first place and then piss him off as a rival then, y'know, whatever. obviously he's going to be vicious in trying to get back at you, but also he's really not going to waste his time feeling too aggrieved by it. I mean, think about how all the bullshit between him and casey dropped off sharply post-2012... from valentino's end anyway. think about how jorge and valentino pretty quickly got on again whenever they weren't fighting for supremacy within yamaha. they weren't friends in the first place, then they were enemies for competitive reasons for a while there, then it's over and valentino is basically happy enough to call it bygones

but... if it's a certain kind of bond you had with him and then you wrong him... that little mental list of all his past grievances, all your past transgressions, that's where it comes in. that's where he ices you out. denies you any emotional warmth. ensures that any interaction going forward is conducted entirely on his terms. where even any public 'reconciliation' won't truly be sincere.... or, certainly he's not going to forget what happened. if something else happens... it's like you've always got the potential of triggering this lingering resentment, in a way, where all that past stuff is still primed and ready to be called upon. he certainly doesn't just let it go

or, as he puts it in his autobiography:

Biaggi and I never talk to each other. I mean, we've never had a real conversation, anything that's lasted more than the requisite time to insult each other or put each other down, in the nastiest way possible. In any case, I don't hate him. It's true, we've never been friends, but hatred is something different, and that's too serious a word to describe our relationship. Far too serious. No, we have a reciprocal antipathy. No doubt this is a result of what we do for a living and the fact that we both want to win every single time. And perhaps it's also a function of the fact that we have very different personalities and very different ways of seeing things. Still, I don't think this means we hate each other, as some journalists have written. I think I could feel hatred for someone, but only for someone far worse than anything Biaggi has done. For example, if I were betrayed by a friend, then, yes, I could hate him. But Biaggi will never betray my friendship for the simple reason that we are not, and never have been, friends. Our relationship is very clear: we compete on the track - outside the track, each goes his own way. You could say we detest each other cordially.

... I mean. he said it, not me. and given this book was first published in '05... biaggi can't betray his friendship because they were never friends... I'm not saying he's thinking about sete, but it has to at least be a possibility, right? he's talking about one rivalry here and refusing to even mention the other... and the one he's refusing to mention is the one where he was friends with the other bloke. I don't know, maybe that's reading too much into it! and anyway, even if this passage wasn't really about sete, it's obviously still revealing. "detest each other cordially" is essentially what he was doing with casey and jorge (or from his point of view in any case, not entirely sure they'd agree with that). the grudge comes when he feels let down by you... and then, yes, he'll never let it go

of course, he's willing to set aside his grievances for a while if there's sufficient motivation for him to do so. in 2009, when he had so definitively won that rivalry with sete, why bother kicking up a fuss? in 2016, quite frankly it was just too much, and it was getting to the point where it was obviously hurting him too. on the one hand there was the media furore that had been going on non-stop since sepang, on the other hand it was also hurting his own approach to racing. there's reports from the time how visibly aggrieved he still was in the first few races of the season, and it took until they got back to europe for him to... y'know, have fun again. it's not sustainable to be walking around with a constant dark cloud over your head and broadcasting burning resentment towards your two main rivals. certainly not for someone like valentino - he needs to be having fun! the slight rapprochement needed to happen, in a way, because otherwise those years would have been even worse for everyone involved. but that doesn't actually translate to forgetting any of those grudges. this is about convenience more than anything else

goes to show, really... most of the time he doesn't take these things personally. I talked about it a bit in this post, how maybe it's also something that changed over time for him: the question of whether he was willing to develop these kinds of bonds in the first place with competitors... because he does possess a certain level of self-awareness in terms of what these kinds of rivalries are like and what they do to interpersonal relationships. ideally, you don't want to be hurt by a friend like that, right? better not to have that kind of emotional attachment with your competitors in the first place. how unfortunate it'd be if all those years after sete the circumstances aligned for him to see a competitor as something like a friend again... because, after all, those are the only people who could betray him. those are the only people where he thinks he could truly hate them

[v1leblood]

putting microphone to your mouth. explain lisa wilbourn to me

these posts are the most important lisa images on the internet

i don't know how to explain lisa. she's a normal girl who has something wrong with her. her life before triggering was mundanely miserable and her life since triggering has been defined by trying to prevent the circumstances of her trigger over and over and over and over and coming out of it a 'better person' but in many ways a much sadder one. i don't think saying any parahumans character 'gets over' their trauma but lisa's someone who like. not even in the most charitable definition has in any way gotten over her trauma. outside of a few She Would Not Fucking Say That moments ward is pretty good with lisa and it's fucking tragic bc she's Still mourning taylor, she's trying to take care of aiden so he won't turn out like taylor, and she ends up getting similarly attached to victoria when she sees in just how low of a low victoria's around halfway through the story.( her rl w victoria is much healthier than her attachment to taylor bc she doesn't consider vicky a Full rex but those caring instincts still come out. )

something about lisa is that being lisa and interacting with lisa are both horrifying. lisa's power doesn't let her not know the best or worst way to talk to you. every time you're having an interaction with lisa, every time she's having an interaction with you, there has to be a conscious choice as to whether she's going to play into the informational power imbalance or whether she's going to try not to -- except, the information is still there, isn't it? unless she actively focused on something else or actively switched her attention around quickly so her power can't go into detail on things, she Knows things she shouldn't, and even if she doesn't act on that information, what you'll get out of her still isn't going to be her 'natural reaction' to what you're doing or saying. it can be the closest thing, but by having the information and not using it, the reaction she gives will still be one filtered through having the information and trying to Act as though she didn't. her power taints any social interaction. and sometimes its not a big deal, and of all her troubles i don't think this particular thing bothers her that much, but its kind of existentially horrifying that any interaction she has is imbalanced in her favor as far as knowing things about each other goes. whatever your or anyone's opinion on lisa's aromanticism, what she gave as her reason for why dating is hard/impossible for her rings true: she meets people and there's no mystery, they're almost immediately laid bare, and that changes things about the way she interacts with them and how she's willing to mentally categorize them in pretty much every context, not just dating. she took a single look at alec and immediately knew he was emotionally numbed and 'sociopathic', she immediately knew grue was concerned about putting up a tough front and about being Professional, she Immediately Knew taylor was basically on the brink of either suicide or something much like it. it taints everything. even when lisa's not being manipulative (which she often is on purpose) you can't Know that she's not just feeding you the right line or the next best thing as per her encylopedic knowledge of You. its fucked up!

and like ive mentioned other times i think this aspect of her power, having people laid bare before her, often their worst selves laid bare before her, really contributes to her cynicism and the arrogant front she puts up, because she may have flaws, but she knows that everyone else fucking sucks, too

theres more Stuff about her including the way in which shes manipulative her little neuroses and how her morality evolves throughout worm but im just rambling w/o a specific Point so idt i can share my thots on those and make them cohere in this specific post

[moongothic]

Seen quite a few people comment how they believe it's more likely the Dragodile Divorce happened due to ideological differences rather than because Dragon was too straight to stay with Crocodile, and. Like I did suggest that (or at least tried to) in my Crocodad Giga Thesis (really I should've been more clear about it in my essay so I wouldn't be writing this now lol), but like yes, Dragon and Crocodile absolutely have drastically different beliefs on How One Overthrows The World Government. And that absolutely could have contributed to the two separating and/or Crocodile deciding to go his own way instead of becoming a proper Revolutionary

Because like, as I tried to imply in the essay (but failed to deliver); if Crocodile's goal had always been to get Pluton so he could just nuke Marijoa off the face of the earth by himself and end it all in one go, then Crocodile and his way of thinking could work as this, like... contrasting opposite to how Dragon believes things should be done. Some fans (unfairly imo) call Dragon a "fraud" because over the past 20+ years he has only attacked Marijoa and the WG directly just once, and even when he did, instead of doing something to stop their corrupt reign for good... the Revs destroyed... the Tenryuubito's... food storage..? Like. Sure, that'll bother them for a little while, get their panties in a good twist etc, but in the end they're just going to demand more tributes and more free food. The Revolutionary Army may be successfully inspiring more people and more countries to rebel against the World Government's corrupt rule, but the Tenryuubito are still in power and will continue to be in power for a long time. And that's kind of how Crocodile would greatly complement Dragon within the narrative. Dragon being arguably "too soft" with his slow, methodical way of overthrowing the WG, while Crocodile would just kill them all without mercy, even if it meant hurting innocent people in the process. The two would act as the opposite sides of the same coin, the different extremes of the same spectrum. Crocodile would become like a response to the complaints people have against Dragon.

And yeah, the two having such wildly different ideological views could VERY EASILY contribute to a divorce, for sure.

My thing is that... If (and this is an if) Crocodile is meant to go a character arc and grow as a person, if we're meant to see him as a sympathetic character at all and maybe even feel bad for him... It'll be much harder to write that if the Dragodile Divorce happened only because of the two having ideological differences. Like who's going to feel bad for Crocodile if the two got divorced because Crocodile wanted to mass murder people and Dragon wasn't okay with it? That's not a tragedy, that's not a situation where we as the readers would feel for Crocodile and want to root for him. That's not something that would give a character unprocessed emotional trauma to heal from and overcome. He'd just be a villian who'd need to have his beliefs changed.

Where as, if The Divorce was caused by Dragon and Crocodile no longer being compatible due to Dragon being straight while Crocodile transed his gender... Even in the most respectful of scenarios that is a heartbreaking situation, a painful thing to go through. That is a tragedy without bad guys, a story where you could feel bad for Crocodile and want to root for him. That is a situation that would give him trauma to heal from.

And that's kind of why I so strongly believe in Crocodile's transition being a more important, contributing factor in The Divorce. Again, this does absolutely depend on what Crocodile's actual role in the story is going to be and whether or not he's even meant to go through a character arc at all. Like if he's not going to be that important and if he isn't meant to go through an arc then sure, Crocodile's transition doesn't have to matter one fucking bit. But if he is meant to go through an arc, if we are meant to feel bad for him and find outselves rooting for him eventually... From a writing perspective, that'll be far easier to do if we can find ourselves sympathizing with him even just a little bit.

Also like. Yes, you can have queer characters who are just queer for the sake of being queer, their queerness does not have to be an important aspect in them or a huge plotpoint in their story at all. Crocodile could be queer just for the sake of being queer. Because that's what it's like being queer, you just are what you are. At the same time, from a writing perspective. What would even be the point of making him queer if it didn't matter to his character at all and have an impact on his character?

Also while Crocodile and Dragon clearly have very different beliefs on how the WG should be dealt with right now, we don't really know when Crocodile came to his beliefs. Like for all we know Crocodile could've formed his worldview years after the divorce. Hell, based on the way he spoke to Vivi about her ideals, and how we know he spent over a decade in utter emotional solitude, his current worldview could have been partially born from resentment towards Dragon (and his ideals) that's been simmering away over the years.

All of this to say; yes I think the two's beliefs could have been a contributing factor in The Divorce, but from a writing perspective (and based on the direction I personally want to see the story go), I find it far more likely if Crocodile's transition was the main cause, one way or another.

[blue-rose-soul]

Love ur au!!! You have so many interesting thoughts I just adore reading everything you’ve posted!

You’ve already established that Alastor would have exactly zero interest in any sort of bond with his dearly detested sperm donor but I was curious as to what you thought on whether Lucifer would want a relationship with Alastor? How would he approach that?

Hey, much appreciated! Honestly, with the first post I expected it to be a weird niche AU no one besides me would enjoy. I'm really glad you and others are enjoying it and I'm enjoying you guys' questions!

I do think Lucifer would want to try forming a relationship with his long lost son (that feels so weird to type, imagine how weird it would be for Lucifer to say the phrase aloud, lol). From what we've seen of him, he seems like a loving and sweet man who adores his family, even if he's not always the best at expressing that love. I think if he found out he had a kid out there, no matter who that kid was, he'd want to form some kind of relationship with them. Of course, Alastor being Alastor complicates things quite a bit.

They didn't exactly make a great first impression on one another, on top of which Lucifer harbors a lot of guilt for leaving Nicaise to raise a child alone, and Alastor to grow up without a father. Especially when he learns what happened to Nicaise later. Lucifer thinks it's his fault Alastor is the way he is, which... kinda sorta fair? Alastor definitely had an unstable childhood which certainly played a part in Alastor growing to become an unstable adult. That being said, ultimately there were a lot of outside factors contributing to that instability, and at the end of the day, Alastor's choices were his own.

I go with the 'Dexter-like moral code' interpretation of Alastor's murder targets. But I also think there was a fair amount of disproportionate retribution. A man who beats his wife definitely deserves to get beat back and then divorced, but not butchered like an animal. Granted, the culture being what it was at the time, it's doubtful Alastor's targets would have faced any other kind of retribution than what he gave them.

All this to say that Alastor feels perfectly justified in the horrible things he's done, and Lucifer blames himself for Alastor becoming this warped, vengeful person.

Lucifer's attempts to get close to Alastor are horribly, painfully awkward. Remember how he answered Charlie's phone call with, "Heeeeeeeey, bitch!"

Yeah.

He tries, he really does, but a lot of the times Alastor just shuts him down before he can even open his mouth. So he tries going to Charlie for help.

"Ooooof, see, here's the thing, dad... I want to help, I really do! But I'm trying to do this thing where I'm more respectful of other people's boundaries. I mean, I'd love to see you and Alastor getting along! But if he doesn't want to talk with you, I'm not going to force it? As long as you guys aren't fighting? I'm sorry."

And that's as far as Lucifer gets with Charlie. So he tries talking to Niffty and Husk, the two people in the hotel who know Alastor best. Niffty is... sweet, but not entirely helpful. Husk gives what advice he can, but he's got his own chip on his shoulder regarding Alastor, understandably.

"Look, Alastor's a mean son of a bitch who lives to make my life more of a hell than it already is. He's fucked in the head. Always has been. You might as well cut your losses."

That's disheartening to say the least.

I do want there to be a happy-ish end where reconciliation happens. But it would take a loooooooot of time and patience on Lucifer's part. Especially with Alastor making an active effort not to get close with anyone at the hotel.

[autistichalsin]

I have seriously started typing and then deleted it four times, because I am so frightened that any tiny miswording will get this post mocked, or have people doubt my sincerity. I think I'm going to just have to tell myself to go ahead and post it, hoping that it will stay in the circle of people who know me well enough through my posts to read this as it is meant to be read, and to quietly acknowledge that if anyone uses this as a chance to mock or snark, it says more about them than me.

So here goes; this is a message to all of the survivors who read my posts.

First, to the ones who have reached out to me: thank you. You may not realize it, but you're actually kind of giving me a gift when you do that. Because when you do that, you're not only telling me that you trust me enough to share this with me, which honestly makes me feel honored, but you're also helping me. You're making me feel less alone, too, and you're sort of... well, if you guys deserve healing (you do), then I guess I do, too, even if I still have this voice in my head that maybe feels like what happened to me was a weird karmic punishment for not being able to protect my loved ones when they had certain things done to them. You make me feel less alone in the weird journey I'm taking. And it's a gift to be given your stories, and trusted with them, and to be able to turn the absolute utter bullshit we were given into something good. Seriously, please don't ever apologize for sending me your stories- you're helping me just as much as the other around, maybe more. They're a gift, not some kind of, like... burden.

(Honestly I think that the proliferation of terms like "trauma dumping" have really worn out their welcome. Like, there's a conversation about boundaries to be had for sure, obviously don't go and tell people about heavy things without their permission, but that term has caused so many people to be afraid to share their authentic lived experiences with people who do want to know, who have given their consent. We need a new term that conveys the importance of consent before bringing up potentially harmful topics, but that doesn't stigmatize people asking for help. Do you guys remember that TikTok video a few years ago with the therapist saying her clients were "trauma dumping" on her? That term has got to go.)

Second, to anyone who may be lurking and wants to reach out, too: I'll be here when you're ready! And until then, know that the posts I make are for you, too.

Third, to people who aren't survivors who are on this page: thank you for being here, too. Thank you for contributing to these conversations that help remove the stigmas, that help us feel seen and supported.

Every single message I get, whether it's a request for a headcanon or fic, or a survivor's story, or something else, is really something I treasure. Whether it's a serious message or something silly, I love hearing what you guys feel you need to say! It just... I don't know. There's something that makes me really giddy about seeing an ask. Someone wanted to tell me, in particular, these things, and read my response, in particular, to it. It feels so much more personal and sweet and authentic than what Twitter cultivates.

Lastly: I JUST REALLY FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS A LOT, OKAY????

[razberrybones]

Yo

The online therian community sucks

Some of it really does. From what I've seen from tiktok? eugh yeah. and it's really not as welcoming on other platforms as it is here. I'm happy for all of the positive aspects and good people i've found, the accessibility to resources and knowledge is something i really adore. But I cant say anything for in person interactions or I guess? the in person community? Haven't met another therian or nonhuman out in the wild </3 I'm envious of everyone who has lmao

I dont know enough of the online therian community to actually be able to say if anythings wrong with it or if there's something we could do to improve, but im open to suggestions.

I get the feeling this was likely sent as hate, but I'm very optimistic pfft

If it was sent as hate, lets try to work though this yeah?

So first things first, I'm tired and a very flawed being with limited knowledge on this topic. I'm gonna be wrong and considerably ungraceful with some things, and i welcome anyone to add on where they can. Now, lemme give it a shot.

By 'sucks' i'm taking it as you personally don't like it. Not liking something is perfectly okay, but going out of your way to tell someone that you personally do not like something that is theirs is mean, and not a good look. I know you've likely heard that everywhere, too. Its a seemingly simple message that a lot of people just don't understand or ever manage to apply to their lives because they don't care to.

Let's try and explain it.

So hate? Why spread it? Normally it comes from dissatisfaction in the self, or situation the person is in or was in. Growing up and being in unhealthy environments contributes a lot. Anywhere with particular societal expectations has ingrained this toxic cookie cutter type mentality on top of whatever they've been taught by their life this far. I understand why people choose to hate, but it's only going to keep the cycle repeating. That is feeling awful and then being awful because of it.

People tend to spread hate the most when they hate themselves. It is always taught. Sometimes by people who are ill intended but sometimes they genuinely meant well, they themselves just didn't know any better. What matters now is what're you going to do with it? This awful painful feeling? Most people just put it back out into the world perpetuating the cycle, and that is the easier thing to do, but unlearning it is the best thing you can do for yourself and others.

We've been taught that only certain things are okay or should be accepted, but there's really not any harm in it if it's not hurting anyone. And that goes for everything non harmful such as wearing clothes not in fashion or liking sea turtles a lot, even all together looking or working different, not just therianthropy or nonhumans.

Learning that other things, sometimes besides just what you've been taught, are okay will help you accept vastly different people and situations in life. And most of all! Yourself.

From what I've seen people throw out hate because they think they have to be one certain way, and then this thing that was originally meant to keep them safe is harming them and others. They've made a little metal cage in their head, and now the bars and joints are cutting into them. They've far out grown it, and have no reason to stay in the cage, but it's safe to them. It kept them safe from whatever was out of the cage. That thing is long gone of course but it was a very scary experience. Stepping out is horrifying if you think a tiger is going to bite you.

You need to evaluate if you're actually in a safe space to set out of the cage, whether you feel safe or not. Be patient with yourself and all of that. Just remember you're a person who's never done this before, you're not going to have a good idea of what you're doing or anything. It's okay to fuck up. Just start little.

It really pains me when i see hate online, because I just worry for that person. I know someone who isn't just parroting what they've heard wouldnt do that. It just paints a picture of dissatisfaction and gives them an uncomfortable air. I really wish everyone could be okay and learn it feels much better to be open minded and grow. It's like they're putting themselves in a blender and saying "this! this is the perfect form!" and man, im rambling now and dont remember my point. It is past my bedtime. but!! I want to help.

I want to help everybody. Everybody is fuckin awesome they just dont know it yet, and i can help if they are willing. I can show them if they're willing. I love everybody, maybe not their actions or how they feel sometimes but everyone is a person or being and that's worthy of love. That's enough. so get up there and change smth, make your life a little better, sit outside without your phone for a bit, watch a ted talk while you brush your teeth. its fucken awful now, but you'll never see if it gets better if you jsut stop seeing all together. Its a new day everyday, you get a fresh start so often, so many opportunities to do what you can. Even just thinking about it is a start if you cant pull yourself to take that first step. The first is the hardest but i truly believe life wouldn't throw smth at you that you couldn't handle. You can do it, one step at a time.

And now it's late for me, and i hope the best for everyone. i think i lost my point half way through, but after rereading it a few times i still cannot tell. I hope it is good enough :salute:

Wait i think i just realized you're the lamb. if im remembering the name correctly.

[wasted-women]

ROUND 1B, MATCH 3 OUT OF 8!

Cause of Death & Propaganda Under the Cut:

Sky Young

Cause of Death: Disintegrated while attempting to save her friend/crush

Propaganda:

She literally only exists to be fridged, which is a shame because her death by probably the void would have made her an excellent tie-in champion for League. But no, she just gets dusted for Viktor’s character arc.

Her death was pointless aside from making Viktor feel guilty. Her whole character was that a) the was a brilliant scientist and b) that she was in love with Viktor and he didn't know. He was pursing dangerous magic for himself, and it's shown that the magic wouldn't have even killed him because he's now connected to it (through choice!). Sky died trying to save him from something that wouldn't have even killed him. Her death was literally just to make Viktor realise that the magic was bad/dangerous. Even though it clearly already was, but now it really is.

Princess Allura

Cause of Death: Sacrificed herself to save the universe

Propaganda:

The show has so so so many issues, but taking the black female lead and reducing her to a love interest and then killing her???? I never even got to the finale (bailed on the show seasons before) but I am still so fucking mad about this

The first case of fridging that many young girls saw.

Pyrrha Nikos

Cause of Death: Turned into dust after being defeated in battle

Propaganda:

Badass, powerful, beautiful. A warrior of virtue who tried to do the right thing. Was willing to risk having her entire personality overwritten in order to protect the world even though it scared her and conflicted with her ideals and concept of destiny. Everyone looked up to her. She was kind. She was smart. She was strong. She was one of the best characters in the show. And ever since she died, her death has only ever been brought up when it pertains to how it affects the one blond haired blue eyed author insert. Pyrrha deserved so much better.

There was SOOOOOOO much good build-up for Pyrrha's death. Like she's literally ACHILLES. With her trying to decide whether she should sacrifice herself to become the maiden or not and then when she finally decides to but it's taken away from her at last second when Cinder comes and kills Amber. How that contributes to her decision to fight Cinder even though it's certain suicide; that's sort of what she wants. She thinks she should have died before so she's going to fight Cinder to the death. And her final battle and ultimate death!!!! But then after her death happens we only see it in the lens of JAUNE. Like to an extent I get it because Jaune was close to her and he was the last person to talk to her. Him melting down the gold in her armor for his armor is a good moment. BUT ONLY JAUNE??? Volume 4 onwards, the only time we see any main character grieve it's always Jaune. RUBY LITERALLY IS THE MAIN CHARACTER AND THE PERSON WHO WITNESSED PYRRHA'S DEATH but she is barely given any screentime grieving!!! It's all Jaune and his manpain and how he is sad that she is gone and how they loved each other and it's like God give me a break. Even Pyrrha and Jaune's other teammates, Ren n Nora, never are given any screentime to grieve besides a quick second after Jaune looks at Pyrrha's statue. They don't even have a real good conversation about how fucked it was that Ozpin's team put Pyrrha in the situation that made her so suicidal in the first place other than outright dismissing it. For a show that loves to dissect and criticize Ozpin and his decisions they really didn't come back to that. Can a death retroactively become fridging? Because that's what this is.

[prince-liest]

The specific phrasing of “hurt very pretty” is. I knew before this series I was more into the soft sadism/dom thing but it’s soooo rare to find someone who does the exact flavor I’m into and I think that phrase in my head sooooo often

Ahaha, I'm so glad you're enjoying it! I've always really liked, as you describe it, soft sadism, where it's about the intimacy, the connection, and the sort of delightfully recursive loop you get when the suffering is enjoyed, and the enjoyment of the suffering also contributes to the suffering, whether it be via enthusiasm or humiliation. Funnily enough, despite the kind of stuff that I write, S&M that feels genuinely callous and miserable is fully capable of squicking me if it hits just wrong. I really like writing sadism that feels tender, even when it's violent.

Five more asks under the cut! If you sent something about 666 in the past 24-ish hours, it's probably there!

Your newest channel 666 fic had me so mixed on how to feel "Oh ok they're drunk and Al's on his lap... that wasn't in the tags oh no vox isn't advancing... nevermind he's electrocuting Al, i get it, a little something to get the blood pumping oh no wait he's actually electrocuting him oh good lord he's screaming in pain"

Hahaha, god, tagging this chapter was really a fucking nightmare - if there's anything you think I missed that's important to include, PLEASE let me know, because I tried to cover my bases but I really had to give up after a bit. It's just One Of Those Chapters and the first time I've used the Graphic Violence archive warning for something that was just fully consensual sexy times, haha. I hope it was at least enjoyable overall! Alastor certainly had a good time.

I've binged your 666 series and it irreversibly changed my brain chemistry It's more canon than everything that happened in the show itself to me - @grimfeywizard

Ahhhh, thank you so much! >:D I definitely tried to mimic the style of canon for the characters, especially for the first installments before they kinda went their own way character development wise, haha. I'm glad you like it!! <3

I was at a convention all weekend and when you updated BOTH times I snuck out of my group and into a corner to read them I am completely obsessed with this series 🙏🙏🙏 -@urlocal-cryptid7

Omg, glad to add the cherry on top of your con experience, hahaha. Thank you so much!!

hey there, just wanted to say i’m absolutely enraptured with the 666 series! it’s absolutely amazing and one of my favorite fics out there right now. i’m always looking forward to it and checking for updates, great work!!!!

Ahhhh, thank you for the kind words!! I'm really enjoying writing it in all of its weirdnesses, so it's always so nice to hear that people are enjoying the odd directions it goes!

Another fun radiostatic song: The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer - @butwhyaretheycalledstrawberries

This is 100% what I had playing in the car on repeat when I wrote one of the previous installments, hahaha. It's a fantastic radiostatic song, especially with the level of sadomasochism I write into 666.

(Anon who was awaiting the drunk Alastor shenanigans here) Me, pre-installment 8 of 666: Oh My God, it’s happening. Everybody STAY CALM- Me, post-installment 8 of 666: *ugly sobbing* it was everything i could ever hope for, your honor. The Prince(TM) is good and merciful. So yeah, expectations met as always 👍

Omg, ehehehe - drunk Alastor was honestly SO fun to write, because it's just... taking away a lot of his worries and inhibitions, and the behaviors that normally accompany them. I took what Mimzy said about him being a kitten when he's had a few drinks and lets loose and ran with it, and it turned out very enjoyable. I'm glad you also had a good time reading, hahaha!

[duskandcobalt]

Comfort Crowd

hi! this is my contribution to day one of #azrielappreciationweek2023 (cc: @azrielappreciationweek)

the prompt is "The Family You Make" so I wrote a little one-shot about Az and Nesta, my favourite little bestie pairing 💕

1.3k words - no warnings other than slight language :) just two friends notorious for not talking about their emotions, talking about emotions!

ENJOY XX

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Azriel struggles to hold back his grin when Nesta waddles into the library at the House of Wind where he’s reclined on a sofa in front of the fireplace, flipping through yet another report in preparation for a meeting with Rhys in the morning. She’s wearing a simple oversized nightgown in the colour of cream, one of her hands rests on her swollen belly while the other is pressed against the small of her back.

Nesta is only a few weeks from giving birth to his very first niece and while she’d only become more beautiful over the past few months, the scowl on her face tells him that she is more than ready for this pregnancy to be over.

Azriel quickly swings his long legs off the sofa, shuffling around and sitting up to make room for her.

“Oh, yes. Please. Go ahead and laugh at me.” She glares at him as he chuckles, watching as she carefully lowers herself onto the seat he’d left free for her. He knows better than to offer help but a few of his shadows gather around her just in case. “If you had been a better chaperone, maybe I wouldn’t be in this fucking predicament.”

“Right.” Azriel snorts. “As if my presence has ever deterred you two from…” He trails off, making vague gestures with his hands to convey his thoughts instead of using the obscenities that came to mind. 

She only rolls her eyes in response and he knows that she knows that he’s right. 

Nesta and Cassian had never been particularly shy about making sure their needs were met and as ravenous as the two of them were, Azriel’s ears had unintentionally been made witness to their activities more times than he cared to admit. Even the enchanted ear plugs Elain gave him for Solstice one year hadn’t been enough to drown out the sound some nights.

Azriel pats his leather covered thigh and Nesta’s lips tilt upwards at the corners as she turns to the side and lifts her legs. He reaches down and meets her halfway, grasping her calves to help her lay on the sofa with her feet in his lap. Nesta sighs with relief at the feeling of his thumb pressing into the sole of her foot.

“Oh you’re so wonderful to me, Shadowsinger. So good with those hands of yours.” She smirks. There’s a suspicious lilt to her voice. “I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you with you-know-who.” 

Azriel’s hands pause as he fixes her with a stern look. 

“Sorry, sorry!” Nesta apologises, laughing in a way that tells Azriel she isn’t sorry at all. “Please keep going, I promise I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

They spend most of their evenings together like this whenever Azriel is home from an assignment, whether Cassian is around or not. Most of the time, the three of them gather together in the library or the living room, chatting until the early hours of the morning. But sometimes it’s just him and Nesta, sitting in the comfort of each other’s presence, passing sweets back and forth while she reads a book and he reads his reports.

It was rare for Azriel to befriend new people but Nesta had seamlessly become a significant part of his life because they had understood each other so intrinsically from the very beginning.

Azriel had seen right through her abrasiveness. He knew that behind her snark and cutting remarks, there was a female that was so wounded that she’d rather push people away than let someone in close enough to hurt her. He understood that she was frightened to allow herself the things she wanted for fear that they would be taken from her.

Likewise, he had caught Nesta watching him with eyes that noticed too much on multiple occasions. He was aware that she saw the way he yearned for something or someone he couldn’t or wouldn’t allow himself to pursue. Azriel also had utter confidence that she would never say anything about it to anyone, or even to him, unless he brought it up first. 

Nesta would always keep his unspoken secrets just as he kept hers. 

It’s quiet in the library for a long while, only the quiet crackle of the fire and the sighs coming from Nesta as Azriel relieves the agonsing tension in her feet, when she breaks the silence. 

“Az?” Her voice is uncharacteristically soft in a way that makes her seem so small. When he glances over at her, Nesta’s eyelids are shut and there’s a tiny, sad frown on her face. 

“What is it, Nes?”

“I’m so scared.” Her words are shaky and barely above a whisper. “What if I’m not a good mother?”

Azriel’s eyebrows furrow together, his fingers stopping for half a second as he contemplates what to say.

“Why would you think that?” 

“I just…” She takes a deep breath. “I never had a good relationship with my own mother and I’m worried that I’ll end up being just like her.” 

Azriel opens his mouth to respond but stops when she continues.

“Cassian is so good. He has so much love and he gives it so freely.” Nesta swallows. “It’s harder for me. What if I screw her up?” 

“I think that being worried that you’ll be like your mother is proof enough that you won’t be anything like her. Bad parents don’t tend to worry about how they’ll treat their children.” Azriel says gently. “You love so deeply, Nesta. Just because you show it in a different way than Cass, it doesn’t mean that you’re any less capable of raising and caring for a child than he is.” 

Nesta exhales and Azriel can tell that her mind is still racing. 

“You practically raised, Elain.” He rotates her ankles. “I know how much you love your sisters and I know how much they love you. Besides, you’re already wonderful with Nyx. He adores you. He’s always babbling about his Aunt Nesta.”

Azriel smiles when he hears her laugh quietly. She knows that what he said is true. Because while Rhysand and Feyre’s son was often attached by the hip to Elain, Nesta was the only person he’d leave her to go running to the second he heard her voice or she entered his line of vision. 

Cassian, Azriel, and Rhys had all burned with jealousy that the winged boy they had waited centuries for had seemingly taken an immediate liking to the females of the family but with any luck, they’d get their revenge once Cassian and Nesta’s daughter entered the picture.

“You’ll be an incredible mother.” Azriel pats her calf in what he hopes is a reassuring manner. “You and Cass will be brilliant parents and that little girl will be so loved. You know I can’t wait to meet her.”

“You’re a great friend, Az.” She reaches a hand out to him and he takes it in his. Warmth floods him as she squeezes his fingers gently. “Cass and I are lucky to have you. She’ll be so  lucky to have you, too.” Nesta rubs her other hand over her bump and Azriel watches in amazement as her movement is met with a small but powerful kick from the babe inside her womb. 

“She agrees.” One of Nesta’s eyebrows lifts in amusement and she gives him her first proper smile of the night. 

His heart swells as he returns her bright smile with a soft one of his own. It swells even more when he looks up to see Cassian leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, watching him and Nesta with a fond smile and eyes shimmering with tears.

Azriel couldn’t possibly think of anyone better suited to be his best friend’s Mate. Nesta was strong willed and stubborn but she loved so fiercely even if she couldn’t admit it to herself. She would lay her life on the line for Cassian over and over again, as she had done once before. It was the tough, relentless type of love that his kind hearted friend deserved and Azriel was proud that over time, she had slowly but surely become someone that he could not only call his friend, but his sister.