#sobs my brain won’t brain properly

[peachsayshi]

dating nanami kento means that sometimes he texts you after working overtime, checks in to see if you are up to hanging out for a bit. it catches you off guard because you’re never put together enough to greet him. you still prefer him seeing you after hours of working on effortless radiance but your heart can’t resist turning him away.

your worries dwindle when he shows up disheveled and tired, with his tie loose around his neck and his jacket hanging over his elbow. exhaustion weighs heavy on his face, crescents forming underneath his eyes as a reminder of the lateness of the hour but there’s a softness when he looks at you and a tiny smile lights up his face like he’s been kissed by the rising sun.

it’s breathtaking really - that expression of his that channels his handsome features and transcends everything else around you.

he wants you on his lap so your snuggled close, so you have the freedom to play with his hair while he rests his head back on the sofa. he touches your thigh, brushing his feather light fingers back and forth while you gently massage his scalp. this is when he’s vulnerable - when he’s open to communication about the things he bottles up. his voice is beautiful when he speaks, when he expresses his inner thoughts without any concerns. he occasionally squeezes your waist for reassurance, and you eventually rest your cheek on his strong shoulder while drawing circles on his chest to just listen for the most part.

gentle flames burn between the valves of your beating heart knowing that he trusts you so deeply, knowing that the words you share in the presence of the waxing and waning moon is what you hold most sacred, and you close your eyes for just a second to secretly whisper to the stars: I’m in love with him.

[sophiasharp]

Hi I’ve been gone for the last few days absolutely losing my gourd over Copia and his relationship with the ghouls, specifically how it was probably like 9-way enemies to friends to lovers, each with varying lengths of that journey ranging from like a well paced 20k one shot to 250k slowburn.

Because while I’m all here for the Cardinal getting along fast with his ghouls- don’t get me wrong I am ALL here for that out-the-gate comfort with Cardi helping the rest of the ghouls heal -I absolutely ADORE it when the ghouls don’t trust him worth a damn to start with.

Cause like. You’ve got three ghouls left over from the previous era. Three ghouls that were close to Terzo and probably had at least some amount of familiarity with the other previous papas. Three ghouls who not only just saw some of the most influential men they know get cast aside like it’s nothing but also (depending on what you think happened to the other previous band ghouls) just lost a majority of their support system along with them. And these same three ghouls are the ones that get passed to their recently deceased friend’s replacement (who they may or not have even known existed at this point) and are put in charge of training the new ghouls how to work as a band?

Imagine those three ghouls getting their hands on one of the photos of Copia holding Terzo’s severed head. What kind of message does that send? What would that say to three scared, angry, grieving individuals?

They lost their entire pack in the blink of an eye, while one member was still recovering from a horrifically painful magical transition. Even if they don’t fully know what to make of these new ghouls, they know damn well they’re gonna keep them away from that murderous, conniving, pathetic, good-for-nothing fucking Cardinal.

[fungusgnat444]

König being desperate for escort reader :(

Couldn’t stop thinking about this so i had to burden y’all with my brain rot. NSFW, angst kinda?, desperate touch starved König, he’s kinda subby hehe, afab fem reader, sugar daddy/pay pig shit if you squint, mentions of anxiety and poor self worth, implied size difference, oral f receiving, piv sex (no mentions of protection but always wrap it up y’all), begging, no german apart from schatz, big pp, decryphilia kinda? (He cries because you taste good lol), i think thats it. Let me know if i missed anything

he’s so nervous the first time you meet. Always asking for permission and being so gentle and needy. He’s been lonely for so long, of course you’ll let him bury his face between your soft pillowy tits after he’s begged so politely, won’t you, schatz? Just sits you in his lap and snuggles deep in your chest while he thanks you again and again and tells you how precious you are :(. And his poor neglected cock is so so hard the whole time, throbbing against your plump ass. He whimpers so sweetly every time it pulsates. But he won’t let you touch it because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. He just paws and gropes at your pretty little body all night until he falls asleep between your tits. Leaving you so wet and needy, squirming against him but the stupid man is fast asleep, mumbling incoherent shit in german :(

He has more money than he knows what to do with so he spends it all on spoiling his favourite call girl. Sometimes just takes you to the mall and gives you his card to spend on whatever you want. All the poor boy wants is to hold your hand the whole time while you waste all his money. Blushing whenever you buy something extra expensive. “Are you sure that’s all you want, schatz?”, he's just so desperate to please you. Always carrying all your bags, following you around like an oversized puppy dog, getting so sad whenever you say that you’re done shopping. Gets so painfully hard when you try on all your new clothes for him :( poor thing doesn’t know what to do with himself.

takes him several meetings to touch you properly but once he finally does he’s a fucking mess. Lapping at your sweet little cunt so greedily while his eyes fill with tears. Your poor clit gets so sore and sensitive from his needy tongue. He’ll go at it for hours until you're quivering and whimpering. You try to pull him away by his curly ginger hair. But he gets so whiny and looks up at you with the most desperate, pleading eyes. Begging you for just a little longer. He always makes such a mess :( won’t give you his big stupid cock until you’re practically begging him. But he just can’t stand the thought of disappointing you.

insists that you ride him because he's so scared he’ll hurt you. He’s so ridiculously big your poor little pussy can’t take him all. There’s always at least an inch sticking out of you while he's whimpering and sobbing into your tits. You’re so full you barely have the strength to bounce on him. He holds your hips and helps you move up and down while he apologises so desperately for hurting you (don’t worry he’s not, he just feels so bad for your poor little body. He feels so disgusting and weak :( ) Just can’t stop himself from sucking on your tits so greedily while you mewl so weakly into his neck. He loses all knowledge of the English language when he’s inside you. You never know what the hell he’s saying but he can’t stop himself from babbling.

[ruskaroma]

thinking of pissing john wick off so fucking bad that he fucks you into the fucking wall🤤🤤 he’d been so patient with you, but you just kept pushing his buttons so here you are, his hand clamped over your mouth as he fucks you full of his cum….

everybody pull up a chair cuz we are going to have a talk.

john wick is a soft dom. that’s up to no debate. he could be a mean dom sometimes, but that rarely happens. but the point still stands.

john wick is a soft dom.

and of course, a soft dom would be incomplete without a bratty sub.

john doesn’t like it when you talk back, but during this time you’re feeling a bit naughty. a simple denial from john ruined your entire day, and so of course it’s your job to ruin his too.

he has been on the edge all day long since morning because of your constant backtalk. the snarky little remarks. the murmurs you’d say that he wouldn’t hear just to rile him up even more.

john tries to talk the brattiness out of you, but unfortunately for him, he might have to do it the hard way.

he had just come back from work when you immediately bombarded him with your attitude. still dressed in his work attire and you in your pajamas, john thinks this is the perfect time to strike.

as he stands in front of you in the living room, your mouth immediately snaps shut when a large hand comes slapping your cheek. it’s not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to get some senses in your brain and tell yourself that you’re absolutely fucked.

literally.

a yelp leaves your mouth as you touch the spot he slapped, but when you look at him, he’s staring straight back at you challengingly.

“got any more to say, brat?”

your lips wobble. it’s not always mean john comes to play, but when he does, it scares the living shit out of you. not only because he’s mean MEAN, but also because that means there’s a 99% chance that you won’t be able to sit properly for weeks.

“d-daddy–”

“now you want daddy?” he mocks, then gripping your jaw with one hand and forces you to look at him. “daddy has been real patient with his little girl all day long, but you just won’t fucking listen to a word daddy says, don’t you?”

you’re half scared, half horny. john is fucking seething. he must be so pissed at you that he even cussed.

“d-daddy, ow, you’re hurting me–” you try to move away from his grip, but that only leads you to being slammed against the wall as john forcefully pulls your pants down along with your panties, revealing your wet cunny that’s already dripping from this whole thing. “d-daddy–”

“this must be what you fucking wanted then. for daddy to be pissed at you.” he roughly unbuckles his belt and pulls his already hard cock out, not giving you enough time to comprehend what’s truly happening when he’s already pushing his fat cock inside your little pussy, stretching it open and making you scream. “now you’re crying, can’t form a single fucking word. what happened to that bratty little girl earlier that won’t stop running her mouth, hm? you got anything to say?”

your legs are wrapped around his waist as you sob hysterically on his shoulder, ruining his perfectly good black suit. your shared wetness is dripping down the floor as his heavy balls slap against your ass.

you clench around his dick, babbling incoherent pleas for him to slow down, but all you receive is another slap on the cheek.

“shut your mouth and take it. don’t make me shove my cock so far down your throat you wouldn’t be able to speak for weeks.”

[soobnny]

instead of sorry, i love you — han jisung. established relationship. making up after a fight. inspired by that jisung voice message (0.7k words)

Han Jisung is like draped curtains, falling flat and leaning his back against the wooden door of your shared room.

He’s been like this for an hour, after having made the mistake of ignoring you for the entirety of the afternoon. It’s because he doesn’t like taking his anger out on you, doesn’t want you to bear the weight he carries with him.

There’s a recollection of his past relationship buried in the deepest part of his brain—the screaming, the yelling, and words you can never take back once spoken.

Jisung has made a silent promise to himself to never let that happen with you. So, when he came home that afternoon, he had hid himself in the same room you’re locked into.

He knows you’re only worried, knocking on the door because you’ve always been willing to carry some of the weight with him. It’s been uttered multiple times, yet it refuses to latch into his head.

It’s hard when all he has ever known was never to burden anyone with his feelings.

“Angel?” Jisung calls out again, knees pressed against his chest as he waits for anything. A single mumble, but nothing comes.

He supposes he deserves the same treatment he had given you prior. Though, he can hear quiet sniffling. And if you don’t stop, he thinks he might cry too.

Another apology dies down before he can utter them. You know he’s sorry, has told you a million times.

“Instead of apologizing again, I’ll say I love you.” His voice is eminently softer. “Thank you for worrying about me, I love you.”

There’s shuffling from behind the door. You’re closer now.

“Really, thank you. I love you.” Jisung croaks out, head falling on his knees. Then it’s that inevitable twitch in his heart when he’s done something he regrets. He doesn’t ever want to be the cause of your tears.

“I love you so much.” His voice is still soft. “I love you immensely and endlessly and completely.”

You almost cry at the sincerity dripping down his tone, at the way his voice cracks sometimes, at the way he’s trying to conceal his own pain.

“I love you so much. I really love you.” Jisung pauses, fiddling with the bracelet you gave him on his birthday a year ago. “I love you the most in the world.”

The door opens, and he almost falls back.

“Ji…” Your face is still wet, yet your boyfriend is quick to get up, taking the back of your head and pushing your forehead to his lips.

“I’m sorry, angel.” A hand drops from your face, pulling your waist closer so he can embrace you properly. “There’s still so much I need to learn about my emotions, but I know I shouldn’t have ignored you.”

There’s snot on his shirt as another sob erupts from your throat, but he shows no signs of pulling away. Instead, Jisung runs a hand through your hair, smoothening it down as he keeps his lips on your forehead.

“Don’t ignore me again.” You take long breaths, looking up at the boy who takes your face in his hands.

“I won’t, I’m sorry. I love you.” He pushes his hands together so your cheek’s are a little smushed, lips poking out in a kiss. “Forgive me?”

“Okay.” He leans down, lips laced with sweetness as he places a soft peck on your lips.

“I completely, madly, love you.”

“Love you too.” Jisung places his lips on yours again when you respond to him. Your face is still red and warm from sobbing, but he wastes no time in littering it with gentle kisses.

There’s still so much Jisung needs to learn, but he’s more than willing to compromise with himself. He’ll do whatever it takes to grow, to better himself, so he never has to lose you.

He’ll start with ice cream and a night-long embrace to make it up to you.

[chaotic-orphan]

Noble Consequences

“You see now?” Villain yelled across the street, a building levelled behind them. Smoke and dust partially obscuring them from moment to fleeting moment. They were panting, twin trails of blood making lines down one side of their face. They stepped forward, or more, limped forward, their usually pristine coat in tatters.

Superhero watched them move, only very distantly aware of the sirens in the distance and the chaos on the street. Unlike Villain they were frozen in place, looking at the place behind Villain, at the rubble, at— at Hero’s apartment block. Their mind couldn’t comprehend that fact. It wouldn’t let them, certain that their brain would crumble as quickly as the bricks and foundation of the apartment block did. Destroyed right in front of their eyes.

“You can’t save them,” Villain screamed, still hobbling over to Superhero’s statue-like form. “They don’t care about you, or me, or anybody or anything!”

Superhero’s mouth opened, as if to reply, but any words escaped them. Surely… surely Hero wasn’t home at the time, surely… they were alright. Somewhere else. Far from here, having coffee or dinner or something. Something normal, living people did.

Villain was in front of Superhero, grabbing their shirt in both hands and shaking them. “Supervillain is a monster,” Villain howled, voice broken and filled with heartache and fury and pain. Superhero’s mouth opened and closed like a goldfish, struggling to work properly. “Look at what your kindness did! Look at where your second chances got us! Hero is dead because of you.”

“No,” Superhero mumbled, the words clogging their throat as they shook their head. “No… no, no, no, no. Hero is… Hero’s not—”

“We have to kill them, Superhero.”

Superhero tore their gaze from the rubble to Villain in front of them. “W—what?”

“We have to kill Supervillain, or they won’t stop.”

Superhero bristled, putting a hand over Villain’s and pulling them off, stepping back and their legs buckled and hit the floor. “No… no, no. No, no,” Superhero repeated, like a fucking tape stuck on loop.

Villain dropped to their knees with Superhero, supporting them as they fell. Thick wet tears rolled quickly down Superhero’s face as the first firetruck pulled up onto the scene.

Villain grabbed Superhero’s face, tilting it to face Villain again. “We have to kill them, Superhero. Promise me.”

Superhero didn’t respond.

Villain shook their head again and screamed in a guttural, heartbroken voice: “promise me you won’t stand in my way. For Hero… they…”

A sob ripped from Villain’s throat cut them off and once they started, Villain couldn’t get them to stop. Their grip on Superhero loosened as they fell forwards, loud, pained cries of agony wracking their body as they wept.

Superhero wrapped their arms around Villain and let them cry on their shoulder, holding them tightly, like Hero would’ve if they—

Superhero blinked, and sniffed and said: “okay, Villain. We do it your way.”

[marcobodtlives]

AoT Character Deaths and How They Made Me Cry:

Marco (Reiner/Bertholdt POV): 9/10 lost my fucking mind, frothing at the mouth, sobbing, angry tears. He didn’t deserve that. He just wanted to talk. Also cried when Jean saw him by the pyre and before deciding to side with the Scouts not Jaegerists. And when Jean kissed his hand before fighting the female titan. And when Jean led all the survivors to kill the turned government officials after the rumbling began because it reminded me of when Marco told him he would make a great leader. Also cried when he wasn’t in the smoke at the ending.

Armin: 10/10 tried so hard not to sob, throat had a large lump, head was throbbing, couldn’t breathe properly. Didn’t think he was gonna come back from it and considered if the show would still feel the same without him.

Ymir: 4/10 unfortunately overshadowed by the fact that I was still connecting a lot of plot points and my brain hurt. I did tear up as Historia read the love letter. Also teared up a little when Reiner sniffed the stupid letter at the very end of the show, because it reminded me of Ymir and her first letter.

Sasha: 7/10 saw it coming, knew it in my heart and bones, but ultimately understood why her character was killed (from a narrative perspective). Teared up but was mostly in shock. Thought I could handle it, then several episodes later I saw the shot of Gabi looking like Sasha from behind and didn’t feel the tears till my cheeks were soaked in them. Cried quite hard when she was in the smoke and saw the look on Connie and Jean’s faces as they watched her disappear.

Colt: 6/10 (I know it wasn’t a major death but come on) he just wanted his broTHER TO BE OKAY COME ON - pour some (tears) out for ‘em.

Floch: 4/10 first watch I won’t lie I thought ‘finally, jesus’ but on the second watch I considered it more and felt a bit bad for him as he said his last words to Jean. He died for a cause in his heart, even if it was a cause birthed by revenge. Felt sad when I saw the building collapse in on his body, knowing he died so far from home. I’m still mad about how he treated Armin and Jean though, so not many tears.

Hange: 10/10 music moved me so hard I’ve never needed more tissues in my life. Sobbed as Hange fell, but had a smile on my face as they looked at the colossals in wonderment. Proud of them, wished it didn’t have to end this way.

Jean and Connie (transformation): 100/10 not knowing they survived I absolutely lost the plot. I was furious and sobbing. They deserved to see a future where their lives weren’t threatened. Felt awful inside. Tears flowing down my cheeks and neck. Pained. Raw, open sobs. Even more tears when I realised they were okay.

Eren: 7/10 I knew it was coming. I knew it would happen from the moment he left the Scouts in Marley. I was already crying over Jean and Connie at this point so it’s hard to tell how many tears were for Eren, but I was mostly proud of Mikasa and those were the cause of the tears.

[hanjisick]

yandere skz reaction .. you have a nightmare

warning. this is not how i portray the members of stray kids or how you should either. this is purely for entertainment purposes.

trigger for stalking, murder, written gore, gets a little graphic at minhos part?

a/n some of these might not be as obviously yandere </3 i wrote this late at night too so please forgive me!! i’ll fix it in the morning probably lol. **and the reader is gender neutral!

wc 1.7k

bang chan

the sound of your heavy breathing soothed chan, your chest rising and falling as he held you tightly in his arms. chan had a hard time falling asleep at night, even by your side with no work to be done. his chin would rest on the top of your head as he let himself sink deeper and deeper into his thoughts.

he was zoned out, wide awake with his hands absentmindedly playing with the drawstrings of your hoodie— well, his hoodie, with you in it.

underneath him, you began to stir. immediately paused his actions, holding his breath in fear that he disturbed your sleep. watching you closely, he noticed the way your face contorted into a look of fear.

“baby?” chan whispered with a groggy voice as you dug your face into his chest.

his hands stroked through your hair, finally realizing what had been happening. chan knew that you needed reassurance.

“it was all a dream, love. you’re safe with me in my arms.”

the sound of his voice mixed with his heartbeat against your ear distracted you from the images in your mind. you listened to his words, knowing that he meant everything that he told you.

“i won’t let anything happen to you, ever. i’ll always protect you more than anything in the world, understand?”

lee minho

nightmares were inevitable when your boyfriend was lee minho. you had seen things that no human should ever witness, things that would make the average person faint or at the very least throw up. but over time, your brain began to get used to the twisted reality you lived in, and you stopped being so affected by it.

but these images always had a tendency to creep into your dreams, the place that your walls weren’t quite built up enough to stomach the images of what you’d normally see even in reality. torn limbs, eyeballs, blood, the faces of the dead people you once knew. even so, you were able to stay silent next to your boyfriend’s sleeping body, taking in deep breathes and learning to calm yourself down.

but tonight the dreams were worse than usual, causing you to shoot up in bed, hyperventilating at the images in your brain that you were exposed to.

you felt warm arms wrap around you, minho’s chin resting on your shoulder, “nightmare?”

nodding, you let out a shaky breath and leaned into him, letting him tug you back into his grasp, “do you want to talk about it?”

“no, just lay with me please.” and he did exactly that, not allowing himself to drift back into sleep until you were resting peacefully, watching your face closely to make sure that you didn’t have another unpleasant dream.

seo changbin

“changbin?“ you called out, the room suddenly feeling much more cold than it did when you feel asleep.

panic rose in your voice when he didn’t respond, yelling out again. after the third time, your cheeks were stained with tears, almost convinced the nightmare was true.

you began to let out quiet sobs, calling out his name as loud as possible in a last hope.

it didn’t take long at all for your boyfriend to burst through the door, only a towel wrapped loosely around his waist as he heaved. you could tell he had jumped out of the shower at your first call.

“did something happen? are you alright?” he ran towards the bed, water dripping from his hair.

“i had a nightmare,” your voice shook, “and you died.”

his mind had been racing with so many possibilities that he couldn’t help but be a little relieved at what had actually happened, giving you a soft smile.

leaning down to kiss your forehead, he excused himself briefly to properly dress himself.

once he was back he gathered you into his arms and reassured you.

“i’m just fine, darling. nothing is going to happen to me. i’ll always be right here with you.”

hwang hyunjin

hyunjin wouldn’t even think about waking up in the middle of the night for anyone in the world. nothing is more important than his pillow and the warm bed— except for you.

when you were with him, he was always on high alert, ready to help you with anything you could possibly ever need, even when he was resting.

so when you shook him awake, it only took a few good seconds for him to meet your glossy eyes.

“i had a nightmare.”

without any further words, hyunjin gently pushed your face into his neck and tugged the blanket up to both of your shoulders. a hand found it’s way to your scalp, playing with your hair.

you let out a relaxed sigh as his hand dragged down to your back, drawing light shapes on top of your thin t shirt. 

hyunjin wouldn’t be able to sleep until your breathing became heavier once again, letting him know that you were peacefully dreaming once again.

he let his hand fall onto the mattress, kissing the side of your head as a silent reminder that he loved you more than anything in the world.

you would always be safe with him.

han jisung

jisung had gotten into a sticky situation. it was the middle of the night, perhaps early into the morning at this point, and he had snuck into the room through your bedroom window. it wasn’t a new thing for jisung to watch you sleep, laying beside you with his hands loosely wrapped around your waist as to not wake you up.

what was new though, was the whimpers falling from your lips as you tossed around, obviously in the midst of a nightmare. jisung had never been more unsure of what to do. should he wake you up and comfort you or would that make things worse? should he let you continue to dream?

he couldn’t bare the look of fear on your face, but if he woke you up, perhaps you’d be even more frightened. jisung settled for gently pulling you a little closer to his body, hoping that he could relieve your distress even a little bit.

to his surprise, your arms wrapped around him, perhaps subconsciously, and your breathing eventually became steady once again.

as a wave of relief washed over him, he couldn’t help but feel a bit proud that he had helped you calm down. and the feeling of your arms around him was nothing short of euphoric.

“i love you,” he whispered into the air, lightly kissing the top of your head.

lee felix

felix let himself into your apartment using the spare key that you gave him access to. it was late at night and you would be fast asleep in your bedroom, but he still turned on the kitchen light, running the water at the kitchen sink in hopes to scrub off the blood under his nails.

you believed that at times he would just get clingy and sneak in. you thought it was adorable. but that wasn’t exactly the case. felix had a habit of wanting to cuddle after spilling blood for you, almost as a reward for himself.

recently you had complained about a coworker. they had been the reason that you cried every day before work. naturally, felix decided to take care of her for you. so he cleaned the blood off of his hands and slowly opened the bedroom door, only to find you sniffling with your phone in hand.

“y/n? what happened?” you looked up in surprise, dropping your phone as he tackled you in a hug.

“i was just gonna text you,” your arms wrapped around him, head nuzzling into his shoulder and finding much needed comfort in his smell, “i had a bad nightmare about my coworker.”

felix’s jaw clenched, anger rising inside of him. to calm himself, he replayed the memory of ending her life. he wished that he could tell you all about it, but that was most definitely not what you wanted to hear.

instead, he rolled to your side and planted a kiss on your temple, “i’m here now. everything is okay.”

kim seungmin

you were fast asleep on his lap as he scrolled through his phone, doing his best to distract himself from waking you up since he knew that you needed the rest. but he couldn’t stop himself from looking down every few minutes to coo softly at your adorable resting face, snapping multiple pictures that you would have to beg him to delete later.

after a while, he noticed the way you began to lightly jolt, clinging to his sweater a little tighter than before.

“honey?” he whispered, placing his phone to the side and running his fingers up and down your tense arm.

his worry only grew when whimpers escaped your lips, wasting no time in lightly shaking you awake from your slumber.

it didn’t take long for you to burst into tears, setting his heart on fire. a part of him felt guilty for not waking you up sooner.

“you’re awake now, it’s okay,” he would cup your face in his hands, leaning down to place small pecks onto your lips. they traveled up to your nose, and then your cheeks.

in no time, you were giggling, seungmin’s favorite sound in the world.

your boyfriend was willing to go as far as possible in order to cheer you up once again. after all, your distress was his worst nightmare.

yang jeongin

you didn’t want to disturb jeongin’s sleep, so you reminisced back to the terrible dream, sniffling quietly at his side. you had dealt with nightmares alone before, so you tried to convince yourself that it was no big deal.

suddenly, he turned over and faced you, his voice filled with sleep, “what’s the matter?”

you couldn’t contain your tears anymore, letting them spill down your cheeks.

without a word, he sat up, gathering you into his arms to try and calm you down. he didn’t know how to comfort someone from a nightmare, so he hugged you tightly, “what can i do to help?”

there was a moment of silence before an idea hit you. “could you sing me a song, innie?”

his face grew red, thinking of all the reasons why he couldn’t sing for you. he had only just woken up. he wasn’t all that good. but when you pulled away to give him a small anticipating smile, he had to give in.

it didn’t take long for you to fall back asleep at the sound of his angelic voice, leaving him to feel quite awkward. what was he supposed to do now? should he keep singing? should he go back to sleep? eventually he decided on the latter, letting out a yawn as he fell to your side.

requested. masterlist. / @hanjisick

[azulsluver]

Twisted Tales In The Dark

Ending Of A Beginning        Halloween Event

tw: mentions of violence and gore

A monitor loudly beeps within every two seconds, being the only sound in the room with you. You can feel your chest breath in and out of oxygen, the bottom part of your face feels warm with each breath. There’s movement by your side, hands caressing your arms and hands, they’re desperate.

Your vision was nothing but a black void, soon you regain the sight of colors and shapes. The mind starts to work inside of your body, blood flowing through your veins to twitch your weakened limbs. You’ve never felt more alive. The ears haven’t yet start to work, you can feel things around you, were you more sensitive to the touch? The hands on you have left by now, leaving you to feel the soft yet stiff mattress you were on. Fingers intertwined with the thin blanket that covers you, finding comfort in the material as you try to regain more control.

There’s a soft whisper, something is placed by your heart than fingers on your neck. You swallow the sweetened air and flutter your eyes open, cringing at the brightness of light shining down at you. Finally seeing the world around you, wondering where you are next. But you aren’t in some scary situation, there’s no people who aren’t familiar to you. Blinking more than once when you’re surrounded by others who hug and hold your hands.

As if your eyes deceived you, just what was going on? Your eyes gazed from one person to the other, their faces morph from a swirly void to features you didn’t think you would see again. Their touches are warm and words are loud. You didn’t mind they were loud, you would rather have them screaming at the top of their lungs seeing you rather go through— what happened?

“You’re alive holy shit, I thought you died out on us! That fall was horrible, the doctor said you won’t be able to walk until your knee heals properly.”

“[Name]!! Y-you’re okay!! God, don’t do that ever again, I was convinced you were a goner!”

“Guys don’t overwhelm them, they just woke up. Give them some space would you? Jeez, I’m glad you’re well [Name].”

With little surrounding you, only one person who whines and clings to your side stays to cry. Others try their best to pry her off. You stare shocked at their faces, wishing somehow you can pinch yourself to see if you are in the afterlife. Or did you make it. Your eyes swell with tears, chest heaving from relief as you cry. Weak limbs wrapping around your friend who cries along with you, the two of your sobs being the loudest thing in the room.

•

Dragged and pushed around in a wheel chair, you constantly have a friends hand over yours. Squeezing it for reinsurance, you’re afraid if you didn’t you might wake up from this dream. Your mind is still frazzled, sensitive as you are from everything around you. It felt unreal knowing you’re back home, there’s just something bothering you during the meantime.

A part of your brain acknowledges the events you’ve been through, it’s about the next day since Halloween has passed. An eternity of abuse and violence stayed in the far back of your mind. The brain refuses to go into further detail of what happened, the memory of your body being mauled, people slaughtered ruthlessly, and the deaths caused by your own hands. Guilt lies deep down into your system, you can try to bury them but it will always find a way back to you.

“They’ll be fine, as long as they take these medications every six hours a day things will run smoothly. For some odd reason the brain was fractured mentally, as if some traumatic events took place. Are you sure they just fell?”

A doctor holds a pen and board in hand, your focused on the way he’s tapping the pen on the board. Zoning and daydreaming.

“I’m positive. My friends were experimenting on this book we found, we were just messing around with it until some bright light blinded everyone. [Name] panicked and started to run hysterically in the woods, that’s when we later found them a couple of hours later deep down a steep hill. I’m certain that’s all that has happened, the book however…”

You squeeze hard on the hand, heart spiking in panic at the mention of the book. You were sure the look on your face gave it away. 

You weren’t supposed to be leaving the hospital so soon, but you didn’t feel like staying for another week would heal your mind mentally. You really needed to do something first, starting off with that book and whereabouts. They let you off so easily, you’re getting suspicious.

“What did you guys do with the book?”

“Hm? You mean the one Michael stole?”

Nodding, she hums in thought.

“Micheal has it, I’m not sure where but do you want me to ask him to give it to you? He says ever since the incident of your accident he’s been getting weird vibes from it.”

Staring at the various of cars parked in the lot you blink once, a shadowed figure slipping from your sight. “Yea. I would like that.”

Patina, ah, that was her name. Her face displayed into a cherry woman with red hair and the kindest of yellow eyes. You’re not sure why you couldn’t remember her for a second, the aftershock of meeting everyone and the past has made you block them off entirely. You couldn’t handle another death caused by yourself. Patina would idly chat with you as you’re seated in the car, she speaks of your parents who are away in the state but have heard about the accident. You’re glad they care. Placing an arm by the window, you stare lazily in the distance. Peace, you should enjoy it while you can.

“Do you need some help making anything before I leave to get the book? Are you able to eat solids?” You laugh, rolling your head back to meet a smiling friend who shines brightly at your reaction.

“It’s fine, Patina. I’ll just eat whatever’s in the fridge. I want that book here as soon as possible however.” She sighs before patting your shoulder.

Being left to your own devices again, you can almost cry when stepping foot into your apartment, well, not really. The wheels were fun to push around, going past the kitchen and living room to check the bedroom. You wanted to rest for a bit even when you feel jumpy after Patina left. The book clouds your thoughts, laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. You would bring your hands up to your face, if you looked harder maybe you’ll see the stains underneath your nails.

Sleep was hard to come by, making you face the left and right wall. You became uncomfortable with each breath and flicker of your eyes, wishing Patina would call you sooner. Calling? You lost your phone during the fall, you haven’t received your phone but luckily you had a landline. The idea of calling Patina even after she left thirty minutes ago has you sitting up, throwing the blanket off you to stand.

Feet planted on the ground, you sway and fall, hands reflexively grabbing onto something to hold you up. Your knees are shaking as you open your eyes, looking down at your feet as they move inch by inch on its own. You test your faith by putting weight down, standing up straight.

Was it a miracle? Lifting a leg and settling it down, the other as well, you don’t feel anything else but a faint strain by the ankle. It was impossible, you’re not in the stories anymore—

Your eyes land on your jewelry box. You haven’t notice anything out of the ordinary, that was the problem, you didn’t notice or cared to check. Was your room always this clean since you left for Halloween? The fluffed out pillows. Clothes not in sight, possibly in the drawers and closet. You move with confidence, hand reaching out to check your desk for any odds. There’s paperwork on the left side, it’s neatly stacked in a pile and organized by last names and color. The first stack catches your attention, you don’t remember having any sort of contract paper. With expert writing, there’s a list of conditions including along the lines of life and death. The more you read the long dress starts to sink in. At the bottom lays an empty space for a signature, it jeers at you.

You crumble up the paper in your hand, throwing it in the middle of your bed in a fit of anger. Your breaths are shallow again, fingers entangled in your hair as you try to calm yourself. It was a mistake. Maybe, just maybe you hit your head too hard you can’t even remember what happened before leaving the house. Nothing strange but it’s unsettling, you’ll be fine! Laughing to yourself, you decided to do a deep check of things, starting off with your desk drawers. You pull at the handle, met with a gust of perfume that clogs your nostrils. Holding in your breath as you fan the air, smelling of something of floral and strong. The middle part of your drawer is filled with paper, all written with words you can’t even understand. Since when did you had a secret stash of admirers?

Confused, your hands pull at every drawer there was. The side drawers of your desk: coins and gemstones you recognized from somewhere. The jewelry box: large rings and necklaces, flattered to think it was made out of pure gold and diamonds! Frantically throwing your closet open, you gasp at the sight of thorned vines covering your clothes. A sharp margarine has you clutching your head, holding onto the closet to steady yourself. Craning your neck back up, eyes blown wide by seeing nothing, no thorns, weeds, just a closet.

Tripping over yourself, you reach for the landline just a couple of feet up by the hallway. Fingers desperately tapping on the numbers of what you can remember.

“Patina! The book! WHERE IS IT?!” Sweat forms under your neck, a scowl on your face as you wait for an answer.

“Whoa, [Name]? I’m with Micheal at the moment, he can’t find it anywhere.”

“What?? You said he had it with him.” This wasn’t good, you bring your nails up to your face, teeth nibbling in anxiety. 

“I did! But we can’t seem to find in anywhere, it’s as if it disappeared.” You stay silent.

You haven’t checked the whole apartment.

“[Name?]” 

Dropping the phone, you turn around to face the kitchen counter; there’s roses in a vase and a plate with a sliced piece of cake. Patina calls out for you again, the line soon turns off with a click as you stand by the counter. With your mouth agape you swallow nothing, the strawberry cake has a scent so tempting, it’s fresh. Should you explore more of your own apartment, the thought makes your skin rattle in your body. You would rather turn into an empty husk, refusing to believe they found a way back into the world where you call home. 

A loud meow has you jolting from your skin, snapping your head to the couch's back faces you. Flickers of blue similar to fire peaks up, a feline all too familiar and much larger.

“Grim?” He meows at you again, jumping over the couch with a book in his mouth. 

Scooting yourself towards him, he leaves the book in your hands, pawing at your pants while at it. Your hands flip through the pages, finding the illustrations just as it was. The spell at the very end was gone, a blank page. You throw the book in the sink, searching through a cabinet for a lighter. With your heart beating with adrenaline you’ve only felt during the chases, thumb flickering the tip to light up. Grim jumps on the counter, licking his paw as he watches you shake.

The lighter was dipped to the edge of the book, flames licking up the paper until your doorbell wrung. Dropping the book and lighter in the sink, you run to the door, not bothering to check the peephole. It must be Patina and Micheal!

But it wasn’t. Except it was this strange man wearing a coat and mask, the mask covering the top of his eyes, resembling of a birds beak. His fancy top hat would’ve fooled you, Halloween isn’t over? Shaken by the golden hues that are blinking and glowing, you close the door halfway but enough to speak loudly.

“Can I help you?”

“Indeed you can.” He tips his hat, bowing slightly in greeting. “Dear, you have something that doesn’t belong to you. This something is very precious associating with my friend who informed me of a robbery.”

Sweat trickled down your forehead. You had no part in the taking of the book, but you still felt guilty. 

“Do...You know how to help me get rid of it?” He blinks. A smile showing too much teeth for your comfort. “Of course. Because I’m so kind, I’ll gladly let you off the hook for breaking damaged property.”

Grim sneaks in between your legs, back arched as he hisses at the sight of the masked man. Your mind screams at you to do something, another choice of risking your life once again. But you didn’t want to relive that nightmare, it’s enough to convince you to put him on hold as you swiftly leave to fetch the book. Not minding Grim’s mewls to stop you from doing so.

Handing the book back, the masked man happily flips through the pages. He’s skimming through the very end of the book, his smile dropping as it comes to a stop.

The book indulges in flames, the crisp of whatever is left lingers in the air. The masked man coughs to gain your attention, his expression unreadable. Tilting his head downwards, he regains a smile back at you.

“There. No more spooky stories. Reality is much more better, I wish you the best of luck. [Name].” Your eyebrows creased, words stuck in your throat as he walks down the hallway.

You never told him your name. 

Closing the door, you slide down to the floor spent. Grim pushes his way to your lap, curling up and resting. How are your friends gonna react to you having a fire-eared cat monster? The whole place was deafening, silence to the point you can hear your own heart beat.

When you lift up your head you can hear a whisper right next to you.

[iamnotoriginalphil]

Never Again (Rumplestiltskin x Reader)

Synopsis: A near death experience leads to feelings being revealed.

Words: 959

Warnings: Almost death, discussions of dying

AN: So I was watching season 2 again and I couldn't shake this scenario from my mind when watching 2x16. So uh... yeah, I wrote it.

His words kept echoing through your mind. Sitting at Grannies, your hands wrapped around what was once a hot cup of cocoa, you couldn’t shake it. You’d begged him, but nothing had persuaded him. The click of the phone disconnecting still rang in your ears. 

“Goodbye (Y/N).”

You knew that was going to be the last time you ever heard from him. The thought of never hearing his voice again made your eyes well with tears. He’d refused to tell you where he was holed up, had denied you the ability to be there with him. You wanted to be. And now the sorrow had frozen you in this booth, unable to get out and search for him. 

You pressed the rim of the cup to your lips. Long fingers plucked it from your grip before the now cold liquid could slip into your mouth. You looked up, finding Ruby looking down at you. 

“I can’t let you drink that,” she said.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

“Alright, something is clearly wrong,” she said, “you’ve been sitting here for hours staring into this mug like it’s going to tell you your future.”

You looked up at her, blinking back the tears threatening to fall.

“You know how Emma and Gold went to New York?” you asked. She nodded, “well, something happened.”

“What do you mean something happened?” she asked.

“Hook, he followed them and he, uh, he poisoned Gold,” you said, brushing away a tear from your cheek. 

“Well they’ll find a cure for it, right?” she asked.

“He says he’s dying.” You bit back a sob, “he won’t tell me where he is. He just… hung up on me.”

“Oh I’m sure he-” she began to say until you cut her off. 

“But I guess that’s just proof that he doesn’t feel the same way about me, right? I know everyone knows, I'm really bad at hiding it. I just thought, recently, maybe… Guess I was wrong.”

“I don’t know if-” she tried again.

“At least I never did anything to properly embarrass myself like confessing my feelings to him. Plausible deniability.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t have-” she attempted one last time. 

“Just as long as this isn’t some twisted way of sparing my feelings. Faking his death to get out of, I don’t know, being my friend even. That would just be such a douchebag move. But I have to assume it’s true since we haven’t seen Emma or Snow or David since they got back. That says something is actually happening, right?” 

You turned your eyes on her, begging her to tell you this wasn’t some trick. The thought that he could fake his death like that, make you grieve, all to avoid dealing with your feelings for him when he didn’t reciprocate, that was too much for you to handle. 

“Of course it does,” she said, “but honey, they’re right outside if you want to ask them.”

You turned in your seat. A small group of people, recognisable even in the dark of the night. But one notable figure was missing and they hardly looked like a happy bunch of people. Your heart sank. 

You stood, stumbling out of the booth. The bell jingled as you exited Granny’s, Ruby calling after you. Your breath was tight in your chest as you stepped out into the street. 

A thump and scuffed footsteps drew your attention away from the family. You froze. 

Striding down the street, looking as if he’d never been healthier, Gold was staring you down. Your eyes roved over him. His jacket had been discarded and his shirt was unbuttoned enough to be able to see the column of his neck and his collarbone. It made you feel hot all over while you tried to figure out what was going on. He wasn’t dying. He was right there. He seemed fine. 

He was… right in front of you. 

He murmured your name as his cane clattered to the ground. He grasped your face in both hands, pulling you into him. His lips crashed against yours in a searing kiss. It took a moment for your brain to catch up with what was happening but when it did you flung your arms around him, holding him close. 

He sighed into your mouth, fingers tangling in your hair. You pressed yourself against him, wondering how his kisses could be better than you’d ever imagined. Heat coursed through your body, your heart fluttering. He drew away, still close enough for his breath to fan over his face, entwined together. 

“I thought you were dying,” you whispered.

“I was,” he replied, “I believed I was never going to see you again.”

“And you didn’t want that?” you asked.

“I never want to go another day without seeing you,” he murmured.

“I don’t…” You shook your head, “I thought you didn’t feel the same way about me.”

“Looks like you were wrong, dearie,” he said.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again,” you requested.

In reply he kissed you. It didn’t answer your question but it was a good enough distraction that all thought flew from your head. You’d happily spend the rest of your life kissing him. It was all you needed. 

“Come on, sweetheart,” he said when he’d distracted you enough, “it’s late. Allow me to take you home.” 

“Will you tell me what happened when we get there?” you asked, stooping to pick up his cane. Your fingers brushed together when you handed it over. He smiled at you, soft and sweet, butterflies erupting in your stomach.

“If that is what you desire,” he said.

You looped your arm through his, all thoughts of anyone else forgotten. 

“It is,” you replied.

“Then that’s what we shall do.”

[dixbolik-lovers]

You want thirst? I’ll give you my Omega Kanato thirst (Honestly it’s kinda tame because cause I’m SHIT at writing, but I wanted to share it lmao)

I’ve been legit drooling over Breeding In-Heat Omega Kanato since yesterday, and the idea of tenderly fingering Kanato open, cooing at him when he whimpers at the sensitivity of having your fingers stretch him, kissing his forehead while you gently bury yourself in him and guiding him to wrap his arms around your neck, letting him adjust for a minute or two,,and then just completely ravaging him won’t leave my mind

The pretty baby is so so sensitive on his heats, and deep thrusts that grind on his prostate that make him feel full have him going wild. He’s practically sobbing on your cock in no time, clawing at your shoulders and keeping his legs wrapped tightly around your waist, and that’s before you start whispers praise into his ears and talking about how you’ll claim and breed him

And his mind goes feral, because the entire purpose of his heat is to be bred, and he just wants to be good for you, for you to keep him forever, and when you don’t stop thrusting into him even after he’s cum from the idea of being doted on and kept at your side he just breaks

Poor little Kanato just loves you with his entire soul, and being your pretty little Omega wife would be his dream, but hey it’s up to you if he’s more then a fucktoy

Awwww, this is lovely. >:Dc Kanato would indeed be a terribly sensitive little thing when in Heat, and he's for sure a crier when he's being properly fucked. He wants to be loved and kept by you forever, and even if he despises the idea of having children, when his brain is a mess from hormones and your cock rearranging his insides, it's hard to think of anything but wanting that.

[euphroseia]

The Strongest

Felix x gn!reader

Word count: 868 words

Genre: non-idol!au, angst

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of liquor intoxication, not mentioned but implied suicide

If you liked my writing, please give me a reblog. I’d appreciate it and it will help me a lot! You can also let me know your thoughts about the story here. Thank youuuu! 💗

“Would it have been better if I was the one who died and not her?” You ask the person on the other side of the phone as you stare at nothing but darkness; you question but you don’t want to hear the answer. Wandering over the thoughts that have lingered in your brain, getting lost in the feelings that cling to your heart that will never leave you anymore. You don’t want them to leave either, because after all, they’re the only ones who stayed and remained with you.

Losing your sister was hard for you too, but why do they act and make you feel as if you should have died in her place instead? You almost died as well, you were in that accident too. Months of therapy, both physical and mental, did not help at all. The injuries healed, but the random pain on different parts of your body when the nights are cold? They are still with you. The memories of your sister slowly losing her breath barging into your dreams after finally being able to sleep? They never left. They hunted you and you are sure they will keep on hunting you as long as you are alive.

It was not your fault, it wasn’t anyone in your car’s fault. The driver of the truck that bumped into your car was drunk, and you? You were driving safely and observing traffic rules properly. You have always been a careful driver.

The truck driver has already been jailed. Your relatives and everyone close to you and your sister have seen the footage of what happened, but still, they chose to make you get eaten up by guilt.

You never believed them, of course, even if you have to swallow all the painful words and blames your family has thrown at you. You know the truth, you were there and after recovering, you saw the CCTV footage where the accident had occurred as well. But when the person you least expected to, heck, you never once did, told you that it was your fault his girlfriend died, you can’t help but believe that if it weren’t for you, she would still be here with him.

“This is all your fucking fault, Y/N.” His words felt more painful than a stab piercing directly into your heart. Twisting the knife from left to right, making you bleed until you lose all your blood. The strong facade you had to build with the courage you weren’t even sure you had, crumpled down as soon as you heard what Felix said. Felix doesn’t sound mad, but you know he is. You know him very well, maybe more than how your sister knew him; after all, he is your best friend. You can feel his wrath even on the other side of the phone.

He knows you very well too. You won’t even doubt it if he says he knows you more than you know yourself. And that is why, that is why, hearing him say those words has made you question everything you knew and saw. Maybe it was really your fault. If you were not the one who picked up your older sister from the airport, then maybe she would still be here with all of you; or at least what they want, with them.

“Would things be better if I am gone?” You asked again, but this time, you rephrase the question. As much as you don’t want him to answer, you couldn’t care less anymore. Surviving what happened to you and your sister, is death itself. What’s the point of living when everyone is slowly trying to kill you.

You heard him sob. You want him to say no, you need him to. Maybe you said everyone made you feel they wish you died instead of your sister, but Felix? He didn’t. He visited you in the hospital while you were recovering and taking your therapies. Felix brought food to your apartment when he called and you told him you weren’t hungry even if it has been days since you last ate. He was the only reason you stayed, and if the only reason finally slips away from your hand too, then continuing is not an option anymore.

“Y-yes. Yes” He sobbed more and more, cries echoing through the phone; it was so loud, you can’t hear anything else. But what he said was clearer than any crystal, despite him stuttering.

You felt the last string tied onto you and Felix, connecting you two together, snapped. You are not even exaggerating for hearing your heart get torn apart. But you were glad he found the courage to tell you that. It must have been so excruciating for him to take care of the person behind his lover’s death. Hearing him tell you what he really was feeling, means he doesn’t want to lie to you anymore.

“Okay, Felix. Thank you and I love you. Things will start getting better now,” were the last words you mustered before ending the call.

He was courageous for telling you the truth, but you were the strongest for enduring everything and holding on for as long as you could.

[whumpacabra]

Day 26: “Help them.”

Military setting, triage situation, loss of a limb, explosion, building collapse, field medicine, blood loss, loss of consciousness, execution, dehumanization, death of unnamed characters, firearm use, tobacco use [smoking], referenced suicide bombing, referenced fire

Wolf’s body moved before he processed what had happened. The explosion, it’s source - none of that mattered right now, not with his hands clamped around the stub of an arm while he tried to drag a man away from the debris.

“What are you doing?” His CO’s voice was something between amused confusion and frustrated annoyance. “Any left probably escaped out the back, go with Vern and…”

Wolf was tuning out his superior’s voice, consumed by the struggling gasps of the man below him. He couldn’t have been much older than Wolf - if anything, he was younger, soft face stained with soot and blood and tears. His eyes were screwed shut in pain, sobs wracking his body while Wolf secured a tourniquet just above his elbow.

“You hear me soldier? We - ”

There was a scream, somewhere in the rubble, young and feminine. She was begging - from somewhere half crushed under cement and support beams - asking for her daughter. Wolf couldn’t hear any reply to her agonized cries over the roar of blood in his ears and the crackle of fire. He looked to his CO, abject desperation clearly written on his face.

“What are you doing? Help them.” He nodded to the rubble, frustration and denial creeping into his expression. The young man under his hands had fallen unconscious, still bleeding profusely from his severed arm. Wolf flinched as a hand yanked at the collar of his vest, dragging him up and away from the injured man. “What - sir, they need medical attention - ”

His CO unceremoniously shot the young man in the head, blood spatter and brain matter leaking pink and red across the dusty concrete. Wolf froze, shocked to stillness. And still the woman’s cries persisted, begging for help, for her daughter to reply.

“I gave you an order, soldier.” The soldier’s voice was even, cold and quiet as he turned to Wolf. “Go to Vern and sweep the back of the building.”

“He could have survived - ”

“He could have pulled the pin on this grenade and killed both of you.” His CO snarled as he kicked the dead man’s chest, the grenade rattling from where it hung. “I don’t give orders for my health, boy, I give them for yours. Now go - ”

“They will die if we don’t help them!” Wolf gestured to the still smoldering rubble, the woman’s screams having dissolved into wailing sobs.

“They should have thought of that before shacking up with a suicide bomber. Now do as you are told.”

“They’re people, sir. I can’t just - ”

“They’re animals, Haas. The only help we can give them is to put them out of their misery.”

Wolf stared at him a few breaths before realizing his CO truly believed that. His voice came thin and hoarse, shaky with anger and disgust.

“I didn’t sign up for this.”

“Oh, you did. Give it a few months, you’ll understand.”

“I won’t.”

“You’re not the first bleeding heart medic I’ve had.” His CO’s eyes were harsh, appraising. “When we get back to base camp you’ll be properly disciplined. We have work to do. Now let’s go.”

The woman’s cries had silenced, only the sound of fires smoldering low and the shifting rubble under their feet. Wolf walked forward, nausea curdling in his gut as he listened to his CO light a cigarette behind him. The stench of tobacco couldn’t hide the smell of burning flesh.

[Before Wolf Downed]

(Part of my Freelancers: Swansong series)

Taglist: @stargeode

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai X Odasaku’s Little Sister Ch3 and Ch4

Double Post:

Chapter 3

"So You Can Make Those Expressions.."

Chapter 4

"Makes Me Wanna Play Around With You"

Summary: Dazai has always been incapable to care about what happens to others. But will that change when he agrees to fight Odasaku's precious little sister? Aka his girlfriend?

Warning: Dazai is a meany to Aku, Odasaku death mentions, violence, manipulative behavior from both sides. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter three and four of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 12k

Feeling as every single muscle ceased to move, Asagao’s vacant and distant eyes focused in and out of unconsciousness as she just barely felt the warm pool of red liquid coating her entire body ever so slowly. 

And though she was merely six years old, the child seemed to be fully aware of what was happening, whether she wanted to or not. 

How did it get like this? Oh right, she had failed again. She wasn’t able to predict that last planned attack in time and they had punished her for it. How disgraceful. But did that mean she was gonna die this time? No, she didn't want that. 

And as the seconds moved by, her tiny body grew more and more numb with the effects of blood loss in order for past orders and demands to flood her mind over and over again like her life was being replayed in a sickening loop. 

“You worthless little brat, that’s not good enough!” 

No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t good enough, It wasn’t ever good enough. She always made them mad. She had disappointed everyone. What would her brother say? Would he also be disgusted by it? The little girl couldn’t bear the answer. 

“Look harder, predict better, stop slacking off and do it properly!”

She didn’t mean to, she wasn’t trying to slack off. She was just so tired, so very tired. They had her training for three days straight without food and water. Her focus was off, her brain was overloaded, everything felt like it was underwater. She just couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t think. 

“Excuse excuse excuse. That’s all I’m hearing! Didn’t you say you wanted to be useful? I bet a lot on you kid and if you can’t even do this then you’re just better off dead!” 

Ah, that’s right. She was better off dead. Then she’d be able to breathe, then the pounding madness inside her head would finally go away. 

But try as she may, the six year old child felt tears work their way into her slowly failing eyes with unexplainable fear. No, she didn't want that. She was scared, she didn’t want to die. 

Just then, she felt her body shift only for the scenery to change in order for the girl to catch a very familiar blur of red as his hands shook under her hold. “A-Asa? No, please no..” 

Wait, she knew that voice anywhere. “B-Brother?” 

Sakunosuke only nodded though, trying to hold himself together as he brushed a bloody piece of hair from her face. “Y-Yeah, it’s me. It’s your big brother. Don’t worry Asa, it’s going to be okay. I’m gonna get you out of here.” 

But as she felt her brother’s hands keeping her together, Asagao felt even more tears reach her eyes in order to weakly clutch onto his jacket with a sad pathetic plea. “Saku, I don’t wanna be special anymore. I don’t wanna see. It hurts..I don’t want it to hurt..” 

She then heard what sounded like a suppressed sob, the fourteen year old Oda pushing his lips together as they quivered before holding his little sister close to his chest with a cry. “I know..I know..don’t worry you won’t have to do that again. I just need you to stay awake though, okay? You can’t go to sleep yet.” 

Asa felt her eyelets quickly betray his order though, her hand falling from his jacket as she whispered hoarsely. “But I’m so tired..” 

Quickly shaking her back awake, Sakunosuke gave a rushed reply, laced with a desperation she couldn’t place. “I know but do this for me, okay? Do it for your big brother.” 

But her eyes were so heavy, wouldn’t it be nice to just rest them for a minute, the little girl humming as she felt her body give into the idea. “I can’t feel anything…I’m scared..so many bad things happened. I’m sorry..” 

Yet that’s when she felt her brother shake her awake once more, his fingers slapping her face lightly before she vaguely saw his terrified eyes. “Hey, I know. Let’s play a game, okay? Instead of thinking about all the bad things l want you to think about the good ones. Can you do that? Just think about the good, okay? 

Forcing her lips into a grimace, Asagao frowned. “Will that make you happy again?” 

Her brother then nodded weakly, ignoring the feeling of his little sister's blood on his fingers as he choked out a reply. “Y-Yeah, it will. Just as long as you try your best. You gotta promise me that you’ll try your best to think about the good. No more bad.” 

And that was enough for her to nod her head, the feeling like lead. Anything to make her Saku not sad anymore. “Mmmkay. I’ll try.” 

She said that, but the idea was far harder than it appeared, the little girl feeling her head fall against her brother's warm embrace as she vaguely heard his rushed breathing, like the boy was running for his life through some sort of corridor. 

Then she heard his voice, the sound underwater as his shaking fingers clutched onto his little sister for dear life. “I promise, I promise that when you wake up you won’t be hurt ever again. It doesn’t matter what I have to do in return. I’ll take your place if I have to, I’ll be their assassin, I’ll be their favorite toy. Just as long as you're safe, I don’t care what happens to me.” 

And though she couldn’t register the weight of the words, Asagao used her last bit of strength to whisper back a reply, her words barely audible.  “D-Don't be sad Saku..I love you..” 

Then she felt herself betray her big brother’s wishes, the pull too strong as the six year old child gave into its call finally. 

Yet just before she drifted off, she heard another voice. Except this one sounded just like her, terrified, like she was watching the entire scene before her as she screamed into her own mind over and over again as the darkness covered Asa's vision without permission.  

No, don’t close your eyes. Don’t pass out. When you wake up it will be in a hospital bed alone and you’ll never see him again. You’ll never get to know him. Please, don’t lose him again! He’s right there, don’t let him go, don’t let him die, please..!” 

----

“No!”

Gasping loudly, Asagao’s body lurched forward, her hand reaching out to an invisible force in order to plead out through the darkness only to catch air. Gone was the cold empty room of her childhood, replaced by the familiar walls and tatami mats of her brother’s old apartment. 

She then registered the reality before slowly dropping her hands down onto the mattress with a sad thud, her eyes turning down before she fell backwards with a shaky breath. The last memory she had of Oda, why did it have to play tonight? 

Asagao frowned at the memory before looking at the clock that read 3AM in mocking reply causing the girl to grimace. She couldn’t even get one good night's sleep. 

Turning her head to the side, Asagao then caught the familiar large circular glasses by her bedside before a sick sense of deja vu flooded into her without permission. 

The girl could remember it so incredibly clearly, even today. The feeling of her six year old body waking up alone in a room she didn’t recognize with only a pair of glasses and a letter by her bedside. It was the last time she ever saw her brother. 

Asa then frowned again before lifting her hands up in order to push them on top of her eyes with suppressed sob. If only she didn’t pass out that time, if only she kept him from leaving her then things would’ve been different. Then maybe he wouldn’t have died.

Just then, a voice appeared in the back of her mind, cold and cruel.

He died because he took your place.

 It’s your fault. 

Yet just as quickly as that feeling appeared, the girl forced herself to wash it away, her body forcing itself upwards again in order to carefully grab her glasses and place them back on her face. 

Then she took a deep breath before recalling the mantra in her head, the last remaining request from her big brother that she always went back to when the world looked a little too dark. 

That’s right, think of the good, not the bad. 

And just like that, a small smile took its place as Asagao pushed her feet off the bed in order to turn the light on and start the day, her mind stewing the possibilities of what the world could offer her today. 

Humming to herself, she then heard the front door bell only before she rushed happily to the surface and threw it open and found a very familiar bandaged boy before her. “Asa-chann! There you are! I just remembered another detail about my last story. It was really great, Odasaku said the best thing! I can’t believe I forgot about it till now!” 

Asa couldn’t help but blink in surprise though, not expecting Osamu at all today. It was the middle of the night after all. She thought he’d be sleeping by now. 

Not that she minded though, the girl already feeling her lips curve upwards at his boy-ish and childlike greeting. “Oh really? Well then, you better hurry up and tell me.” 

Dazai then beamed before happily shoving himself past her in order to throw his arms upwards in a giddy shout. “I knew you’d be excited! And after I’m done you’ll give me another letter, right?” 

Nodding her head, Asagao then closed the front door before pointing to her bedroom with another small smile. “Of course, let me go get the box and then you can tell me.” 

Already sitting himself at his usual spot, the boy then gave her an excited cheer. “Yay! You’re the best Asa-chan!” 

This was the extent of their relationship now, no more and no less. It had been about three weeks since their partnership and though the two were friendly with each other it was always surface level at best. 

Dazai would come over and eagerly give his half of the deal, sharing story after story of Odasaku and in return Asagao would give him one of her brother's letters to read. 

And then that was it, once everything was done the boy would leave and the cycle would repeat. They weren’t friends, they weren’t even close. The two just used each other and then went on their way, keeping a sort of distance between each other at all times. 

It was like they were both each other’s own special drug, indulging in the intoxicating high but still cautious on not getting addicted to the substance. And though it was a different form of partnership, the two kids kept their boundaries.

Asagao didn’t mind though, knowing that she was already asking for so much. Dazai on the other hand was grateful for the distance, careful not to get too comfortable in fear of getting attached and losing something precious again. 

No, the young executive knew he wouldn’t have been able to handle that again. So he just teased her and went on his way. Asa never seemed to mind though, considering she knew about his twisted plan from the very beginning. It made everything so much easier and less stressful in the long run. 

And when he saw her reappear with a familiar brown colored shoe box, the boy couldn’t help but perk up even more, knowing that there were unsaid words from Odasaku just inches away from him. He was desperate, hungry for them in every possible way. 

Asagao knew this as well, her fingers tapping on the box before taking a seat across from him with a hum. “Alright, you have my undivided attention! I’m ready..” 

Perking up immediately, the boy then slipped into his tale, giving Asagao every single detail about his story as she gave that same wonder filled expression she always did when he talked about Odasaku. 

Then once he was done, the girl simply reached her hand into the box before pulling out a small white colored letter in order to slide it over to the boy before he practically tore it off the table in desperation. 

Then he read each word carefully, mulling over the ink like it was the most treasured thing in the world to him. 

Hey little sis, how is everything going? 

I saw some morning glories on my way to work today and they made me think of you. You were named after such pretty flowers. Is purple still your favorite color? 

 Things have been hectic here as usual. Dazai stayed over last night after refusing to take a bath, but he smelled so bad I bribed him with whiskey to finally get him in the tub. It’s never a dull moment with him, that’s for sure. When he wakes up I’m gonna see if I can get him to change those bandages of his also. I’ll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck. 

Feeling his lips curve upwards at Odasaku’s writing, Dazai felt that same low pain inside his chest. He remembered that night like it was yesterday. How he raced around Oda’s apartment while the man waved a bar of soap in his direction with rushed pleas and bribes. 

 Oh how he wished for such mundane things back. He really did take them for granted. 

Although that’s when the boy realized something else, his fingers dropping from the letter only to whine in her direction. “You know, this isn’t really fair, Asa-chan. You already know so much about me but haven’t said anything about yourself yet. That’s really sneaky you know..” 

And that was true, considering Oda spilled so much of his life to his little sister. And it wasn’t like it bothered Dazai but the scales were very noticeably uneven.

 It made him feel a loss of control, and that was something the executive hated more than anything. 

Asagao only turned her head though, not seeing the issue. “Is it? I thought the only thing that would’ve mattered to you is that I’m Oda’s sister. What more do you want to know?” 

Dazai mulled the words over in his head. Yes, she was right in a sense. He did only care because she was Odasaku’s sister but he always prided himself on being the smartest man in the room, and right now that was undetermined. 

Placing the letter onto the table with extreme care, he shrugged. “I’m just saying we aren’t evenly matched right now. Aren’t boyfriend’s supposed to know about their girlfriend’s?” 

The word felt strange on his tongue, never having used them in his life. Sure, he was just trying to manipulate her with them but somehow they still seemed wrong. They weren’t anything like a traditional boyfriend and girlfriend, in any sense.

Asagao didn’t seem to mind though, her fingers reaching forward in order to hook them under her chin and lean forward in interest. “Ah, okay then. Well, go ahead boyfriend. Analyze and impress me.” 

Already feeling his eyes sharpen with cruel possibilities, Dazai mimicked her movements, placing his own fingers under his chin before replying dangerously. “Be careful what you ask for, darling. I might make you cry pretty little tears.” 

Asa only smiled though, completely unbothered. “I'm sure I’ll be fine.” 

Humming to himself, Dazai then narrowed his eyes before his lips curved upwards in challenge. “Prove it then. Take your glasses off.” 

Then all at once, he saw Asagao falter, her fingers falling immediately before leaning back with tense shoulders. “W-What, why?” 

The boy was quick to respond though, his finger moving to point at the physical barrier in front of her eyes.“Cause if I’m gonna analyze you, I deserve to see those hollow eyes of yours.”

Dazai recalled the sight immediately, remembering the mirror-like qualities the two shared. He only saw them for a second but he could already tell that the deep hollow gaze she wore was a result of the life she lived. She just didn’t want to admit it. 

Just like how she didn’t want to admit that there was no possibility of life having meaning. She forced herself into this delusional state on purpose.

Moving her eyes away from his, Asagao then nervously pushed her fingers up to her glasses before playing with the lenses in question. He had a point, but that still didn't make it less scary. “Oh…uhh well..” 

Dazai only mocked back though, his words laced with humor for the stuttering innocence she was displaying. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Where’s that confidence gone?”

Pushing her lips together, Asa frowned, fully aware of her pathetic demeanor. “It’s just..things don’t usually go well without my glasses. I don’t like to show people..” 

She then clutched her skirt between her fingers in anxiety. She wore the glasses for a reason, it wasn’t just because. It slowed her down, it stopped her from being called a freak and a monstrosity. It made everyone tolerate her. 

And although Dazai and her weren’t friends by any means, she still was hesitant to completely be herself. Sure she could see without the glasses but it was also revealing and strange. What if he was like the others? What if Oda’s letter were wrong and he rejected her like everyone else? 

She had just started getting used to someone wanting to stick around. 

 Snapping her out of her own thoughts, Dazai then leaned forward in question. “You showed them to me before though, when you took care of those stupidity boring thugs you brought onto my doorstep. Why is this any different?” 

Asagao then remembered his words before cringing to herself. Yes, she did all of that but things were different in that situation. “Well that’s because it was dark and we were at a distance. If you get any closer it could..” 

The boy then chuckled to himself, cutting off her in order to reach his fingers forward and push a strand of hair behind her ear with slow intent. “What, scare me? Sweetheart, I’m a port mafia executive with thousands of crimes to my name and countless lives on my hands. I’m far more of a monster then you’ll ever be.” 

Asagao still wasn’t convinced though, her eyes moving down in conflict only to feel Dazai’s hot breath in her ear, his words coaxing her all at once. “Perhaps you just need some help, hmm?” 

Frowning at his sudden closeness, Asagao spoke. “I don’t think..”

Yet before she could finish her sentence, Dazai’s fingers latched onto the ends of her glasses before ripping them off her face with a joy-ish chuckle of victory. “Oop, got 'em!”

Asagao then audibly gasped, her hands reaching out to the boy immediately,“O-Osamu!” 

Lifting his hand up in the air in a makeshift prison, the boy then beamed before turning back to her to see her entire face. “There we go now let’s see how..”

Although that moment his gaze turned back to hers, Dazai fell silent as that same hollow icy blue expression stared back at him. And though he had seen it before, it was just as enticing and memorizing as the last time. 

And now that he was closer he couldn’t help but notice flecks of teal in her iris’s along with the familiar Odasaku blue he had come to know. She looked like a completely different person like this and Dazai wondered why she would’ve ever covered up such a sight with the mask of normalcy?

Just then, he watched as Asagao’s cavern-like expression shifted before a slight hue of pink covered her cheeks in order to mutter under her breath. “Stop staring at me like that, I know what you’re thinking..”

It was the thing that everyone said. Asagao knew it was. He thought she was inhuman, a freak, a social outcast. That’s why he was quiet, it’s because he had rejected her like all the rest. She could hear the insults now, her ears waiting to be bombarded with the familiar hate she had come to know.

Yet that’s when Dazai smirked in pure interest, his fingers tracing the light pink spot of embarrassment on her cheeks. “So you can make those kinds of expressions after all..” 

Feeling her eyes widen all at once, Asagao felt her lips open with pure shock  “H-Huh?”. 

What did he just say? He wasn’t staring at her eyes? He was looking at her blush? That’s what he was fixated on this whole time?

Then before she could question, Dazai then pushed the glasses back down from his self made prison in order to throw them into her hands with a joyful clap. “Alright, I have what I need!”

Quickly catching the objects, Asa then shoved the objects back onto her face in order to hear Dazai’s plain voice in her ears. “Asa-chan, you’re so easy to read. You’re like an open book. Given your analytical eyes and ability it’s obvious you were trained to be an assassin like Odasaku was. He probably saw that and knew what path you were going to go down and send you away to avoid that. That’s why he told you to stay out of Yokohama in the first place.” 

Not bothering to give her a response, the boy then continued in a cocky manner. “You call your brother by his last name because you don’t feel close to him but you refer to me by my first name because you believe that we have a closer connection because of Odasaku’s letters even though we are also complete strangers, but that feeds into your attitude to look for something positive even when there isn’t anything there...”

It was something Dazai had picked up on since their first meeting. At first he thought she used his first name because of her cultural differences but now the boy knew that wasn’t the case. 

That didn’t make sense after all. She always referred to her brother as Oda, not Sakunosuke and yet Dazai always got special treatment? There had to be only one answer to that. 

And that was that she was doing it on purpose this entire time.

 She truly believed that she was closer to Dazai than Odasaku. Well, either that or she was deluding herself into wishing for that outcome. Either way, it was just another way to show how Asagao felt separated from her own brother. 

Carrying on, Dazai then pointed to her glasses.“And speaking of your attitude, you act like nothing affects you but you just shove it down in order not to feel crushed by the negativity. That's how you got your delusional idea that the world could be beautiful. It’s because you need to believe that otherwise it will destroy you. There is no other option than to believe in the good.” 

Then the boy shrugged his shoulders before finishing plainly. “To put it simply, you’re a bleeding heart that’s been alone for your entire life, doomed to search for something you’ll probably never find.” 

He lay into her cruelly and concisely, not pulling any punches before proudly resting his hands behind him in contentment. She asked for it after all. He tried to warn her that his analysis wouldn’t be pretty but she didn’t listen. 

Yet as he snapped his head up to see her expression, Dazai only found the girl absolutely frozen to her spot, like she hadn’t heard a single word he had said. Well that was odd, usually people would’ve been crying or screaming at him by now. 

So much so, the boy frowned before moving up to her with a wave of his hand in order to whistle her back to life. “Hellooo? Earth to Asa-channn. Are you in there? Was my analysis too scary for you to handle?” 

What Dazai didn’t know was that Asa was still lost in her own mind, still thinking about the strange response to her freakish eyes. He wasn’t bothered. He didn’t reject me. He didn’t care about them. Oda was right. He accepted me. 

Just the idea made her want to cry in joy, the girl shoving the emotion down before clutching onto her skirt as she brokenly whispered back. “Wow..that was..” 

Then before Dazai could speak Asagao’s head snapped up, her lips beaming in a bright smile in order to clap her hands like she had just witnessed the best performance of her life  “.. absolutely amazing! I knew you’d impress me, Osu. You really dug into me there. Didn’t hold back at all. I admire that about you.” 

And to be honest, the port mafia executive couldn’t help but feel whiplashed by her sudden joy, his eyes turning in amusement. He had just insulted her with that speech and she was applauding him?

Leaning forward, Dazai replied plainly. “You know, most people would be offended by all that..” 

Asagao only looked at him dumbfounded though, like she didn’t understand the concept. “Would they? I don’t see why though. You were really accurate.” 

Nodding to herself, the girl then lifted her hands up in order to throw a fake playful punch into the air. “I was trained to be an assassin and I was a pretty good one if I do say so myself. The people Oda and I worked for said I had “ great potential ” and everything! That’s how I got so good at analyzing things and people..” 

The girl then smiled to herself before her eyes couldn’t help but shift to the clock in the corner of the room only for her lips to fall slightly. After this Osamu would probably leave. He had no reason to stay now that he had finished his story. Just this conversation was already farther than they had ever gotten before.

But even so, Asagao felt an uncomfortable anxiety at the inevitable conclusion. Once he was gone would be back to being alone with nightmares and memories she didn’t want to face. 

No, she needed to use him more, to distract her from everything. Even though it was more than they had agreed on she had to try. She had to get him to give into her selfish desire to keep the monsters away just a little longer.

Perking back up a millisecond later, Asa gasped. “Oh, I know! Since you’re here and we have some time, let’s fight!” 

Dazai couldn’t help but turn his head in confusion at that, his eyes playing in plain amusement for what she was suggesting. “You want to fight?” 

Oda’s sister only nodded though, a new fire in her eyes as she leaned forward excitedly. “Yeah! I haven’t had a good challenge in a while, and I already know you’re a worthy opponent. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna fight a famous port mafia executive?” 

Dazai felt himself chuckle under his breath at her naive thinking immediately. “Any sane person, love.” 

 This girl really had no sense of danger. Usually people pleaded for the demon prodigy to let them go, usually they avoided facing him knowing it was always a lost cause.

No one wanted to stand on the other side of him, no one wanted to be his enemy. 

Yet Asagao was just suggesting it like nothing, like he couldn’t break her emotionally and physically with the snap of his fingers. 

The girl only laughed away his answer though, her hand moving back and forth before beaming proudly. “Well, we’ve already established that’s not me so it’s no problem!”

Dazai was still hesitant though, knowing that Odasaku wouldn’t have approved. He couldn’t be gentle after all. He couldn’t hold back and the last thing he wanted was to permanently scar her, even if she was stupidly asking for it. 

Because of that, the boy hummed.  “Shouldn’t princesses like you be asleep by now?” 

Although that’s when he watched Asa’s confident facade falter just slightly before she replied hastily. “Come on, Osu..you said you wanted to know about me, this is the best chance! Let me impress you.”

And perhaps to anyone else it was nothing, but Dazai knew better than anyone what that small change meant. She was avoiding something, he was sure of it. The girl was purposely trying to drag their meeting on longer in order to postpone an inevitability. 

She thought she was so sneaky, but the boy read her like a book. 

Lowering his eyes with knowing intent, Dazai then lifted his hands up lazily, purposely hiding the fact that he knew her game. “That’s a tall order, darling. You sure you’re up for that?”

Asagao only smiled though, the girl batting her eyes in innocence. “I’ve done it before, haven’t I?”

And she had. She had impressed the executive before. She impressed him immediately when she had sensed them being followed only for her to actively sell him out in order to show off her ability. 

It was a feat of its own for sure, so much so that his twisted little brain couldn’t help but wonder what other things she could surprise him with? It was tempting, enticing and such a dangerous notion. 

But perhaps that’s what she wanted, perhaps Asagao knew that Dazai would be drawn in by the offer to play around with her some more. She knew he thrived on the abnormalities. 

Oh that sneaky little girl, she knew how much he couldn’t resist an amusing show. 

So much so, the boy couldn’t help but close his eyes with clear respect in order to mark a tally inside his head. He thought he had won by figuring out why she wanted this strange request but it looks like she beat him on resisting it. 

 Dazai Osamu: 1 Oda Asagao: 1

Lifting his eyes up a moment later, Dazai then pushed his hands up in order to stand before towering over the girl, his unbandaged eye looking down at her with a teasing smile. 

Perhaps tonight wouldn’t be so boring after all. 

“Well when you put it like that darling, how could I resist?” 

----

CH4

Six Months Before Odasaku’s Death

Carefully stepping through the darkness, Dazai looked down in disappointment at the broken and faltering boy in front of him, coughing and wheezing as even more blood poured from his lips “D-Dazai..” 

The port mafia executive didn’t want to hear it, his cruel and dull stare towering over his useless subordinate with a heavy sigh, in order to shake out his last punch. 

It had been only about a month since he had picked up the young Akutagawa from the slums and brought him into the twisted underground of the port mafia. 

But even still, the boy was lacking the skills he needed to impress Dazai. Sure, he had the passion and the drive but his movements were sloppy and uncoordinated. If he went like this then he’d surely be dead before his first mission. 

And perhaps it was an oversight, to see the potential that Akutagawa had. Perhaps the kid was truly useless. And here Dazai thought he could form him into a new generation, a new “double black” as it were. 

Pushing his fingers into the ground in order to lift his head up, he then physically flitched as Dazai’s cruel words cut into him like venom. “That’s not good enough. You will never survive the port mafia with that weak attack.” 

Akutagawa only dipped his head down though, the shame pouring through every one of his muscles before he tried to get his overspent and overused body to move once more. “I..”

Dazai didn’t care though, he didn’t have the capacity to. This was how he was taught, how he was brought up. It only made sense to pass what he learned onto Akutagawa as well. 

Violence, bloodshed, cruelty, those were the building blocks in which he thrived and succeeded. They were what kept him alive, regretfully. 

And soon they would be essential for Akutagawa as well. 

Taking out his gun from the hollister, the executive then scoffed before pointing the barrel straight into the child’s head, his voice void of any emotion. “Maybe I should just throw you back into the slums where you belong? It would be a lot less work.” 

 His subordinate then gasped in pure fear before his shaky fingers made their way towards Dazai’s feet, the boy crying out in order to beg like the pathetic dog he was. “N-No! Please, I’ll be better. I promise!” 

The mafioso only narrowed his eyes though, only feeling annoyed by his little act. If he thought Dazai was going to let up or feel pity for such a worthless display then he was sorely mistaken. 

 No, right now the kid just looked like every other sorry soul that crossed him. They all did the same thing, begging and pleading and crying. It was so boring. He was so boring for showing those wasteful tears. 

Closing his eyes, Dazai then frowned before kicking his foot straight into the kid’s ribs, his body crumbling immediately with a gasp before the demon stood over him with command. 

“Show me.”

He then watched as Akutagawa held his side before immediately complying in order for Rashomon to materialize and head straight for the bandaged man with a screaming cry of pain. 

But like Dazai had said before, his moves were sloppy, the black being disappearing the moment it touched the mafioso's skin in order for him to scoff at the pathetic attempt. “Pathetic.” 

Then before the kid could process it, his master’s hand was around his throat, squeezing his airways as he looked up at the demon with a choke gasp. “D-Daz..”

Dazai only cut him off though, his hold tightening before speaking plainly. “Your face shows fear, weakness, failure. All the qualities I have no need for.” 

Slamming the boy into the ground, Akutagawa’s body screamed in pain only for the executive to look at the scared child with disdain.“You’re going to have to try harder than that to impress me, Akutagawa.” 

He then let go of his throat before turning away completely in order to hear the boy cough and surface more air into his lungs before he passed out completely. Dazai didn’t bat an eye though, his hands falling into his pockets with silence. 

The way of his training wasn’t right, he knew that. Dazai knew that he was twisting and turning this young boy into a mirror image of himself. He knew that he was abusing and hitting him in order to make a monster. 

The truth was, if the kid wanted to survive in this world, then this was the only way to do it. That’s what the mafioso truly believed. It didn’t matter how many times Akutagawa was shattered, as long as Dazai could put him back together in an image of his own design it was fine. 

Besides, the boy had said before that Dazai was his reason to live. He had pleaded with the executive to have a purpose. He had asked for this, the boy was just fulfilling his promise. 

His theory was confirmed a moment later when the stuttering child spoke it out through the darkness, his voice just as desperate and dependent as Dazai wanted it to be  “I-I will…I will impress you. Let me try again. I’ll do it right this time.” 

And though that was highly doubtful, Dazai humored him, his entire body turning around in order to face his trained dog with a cruel and unfeeling smile. 

Yes, that’s right. The demon prodigy would use him until he broke. And he would break, they always did. 

Care was irrelevant, feelings were insignificant. 

The only thing that mattered was the product. 

“That’s more like it.” 

--------

Present Day

Standing in the all too familiar port mafia owned warehouse, Dazai and Asagao stood in the middle of the space only for the bandaged boy to narrow his eyes and recall his past lessons with Akutagawa over the last couple months, imagining the blood that once painted the floors in an instant. 

This was the only place Dazai knew was secluded enough, given that any port mafia underling didn’t dare to step foot while he occupied the space. They knew how brutal and unforgiving he was whenever he got rudely interrupted. 

But that little detail proved to be useful tonight as he watched Odasaku’s sister look around the empty and open area before Dazai couldn't help but mock through the echo. “Asa-chan, you always seem to pick the strangest spots for our dates.” 

And whether she had meant to or not it seemed like Asagao had quite the talent for making the usual rather..unusual. Hell, the last “date” they had consisted of her luring those rival thugs to his doorstep only for her to manipulate them into her own twisted whims. 

If this was anything like that then Dazai knew he was in for something especially entertaining tonight as well. 

Although, the bandaged boy couldn’t help but shove his hands into his pocket with a strange sense of conflict, already feeling the lingering blood that once graced his knuckles. He didn’t know how to hold back or be gentle so he wasn’t sure why Asagao had asked for such a crazy request in the first place. 

Or why he had ever agreed to it.

He was supposed to be a good man now, and although Dazai was new to the concept he was pretty sure that beating up his best friend’s sister for fun wasn’t really what Oda meant in any sense. 

And yet his black soul couldn’t help but be curious, to see just how she planned to impress the impassable demon. He should’ve walked away, but Dazai was never the kind to give mercy to his opponents.  

Although that’s when the boy realized he never received a response, Dazai’s eyes moved back towards the girl in question only to watch her shift nervously, her feet moving side to side in clear anxiety. 

Aw, how cute. She was nervous now. Ah, well he supposed that confidence of hers could only last so long. He should’ve guessed. 

Lifting his hand up, the boy then placed a mocking hand on her head in order to speak a round of fake sympathy “What’s wrong? Is the princess getting scared after coming all the way out here? Having second thoughts?”

Asa only frowned though, his voice coming out small. “No, it’s not that. It’s just..” 

She then stopped herself before sighing heavily in order to turn towards Dazai with clear uncertainty. “I know you said you wanted to know more about me and that you weren’t bothered by my eyes but this could get..intense..”

At that, Dazai couldn’t help but laugh under his breath. 

Intense? Well that was an understatement. Was she just figuring that out? That maybe fighting a port mafia executive wasn’t the smartest idea in the world? Poor baby, she must’ve been shaking right now after facing the reality of her stupid decisions. 

It’s about time she realized it. Better sooner than later though he supposed.

Pouting his lips in mocking vigor, Dazai then leaned down to her eye level before placing her hands on her shoulders in order to turn the poor girl towards the doors all at once. “Aww don’t worry, sweetheart. If you think it’s gonna be too much for you, we can turn back now.” 

Yet that's when her next words made the boy pause. “I didn’t mean intense for me.” 

Feeling his fingers fall from her shoulders, Dazai then blinked in amusement for her warning before shaking his head. What was she talking about? She was worried about him, not herself? That’s why she was having second thoughts, to protect him of all people? Who did she think he was? Some sort of weak nobody? 

The bandaged kid then took a step back before his lips twisted up in a confused reply. “I think you got it backwards, darling. I’m the mafia executive, not you, remember?”

If anything, she was one that should’ve been backing out of this. Why instead did it seem like she was trying to do the same to him? Didn’t she know he was the monster in this situation? He was one that could hurt her, not the other way around. 

 Asagao didn’t seem overly convinced though, the girl silent for a moment before lifting her fingers up to her glasses with a hidden plea. “Just..don’t let me get carried away..especially if it freaks you out...”

The idea was laughable though, Dazai’s head turning in reply. “Love, Who do you think you’re talking to?” 

Almost immediately the red haired girl froze before processing his words all at once. 

Then he watched her lips curved up into a small relieved smile in order to drop her hand with a chuckle and whisper mostly to herself. “That’s right, what are you worried about? It’s just Osamu..” 

Dazai couldn't help but frown though. She had such faith in him. She was treating him like some sort of savior, like she was glad he was an opponent. How broken could her brain possibly be to be relieved for this type of situation? 

Poor Asa-chan, she’d regret that viewpoint soon enough when she was crying and pleading at his hand like all his other victims that stood in the same exact place. 

So much so, the mafioso smirked in reply before reaching into his jacket in order to pull out his gun just slightly with silent threat  “I don’t think you should be saying my name that sweetly when you know what’s happening next.” 

The sight didn’t cause Asa to falter though, her head nodding in confirmation before turning around in order to gain some distance from Dazai. “Yeah, I guess I’ve stalled long enough. Alright, let’s do it.” 

She then counted her steps, watching her feet as she did so in order to close her eyes in silent wait before holding her ever beating heart. Dazai’s reaction tonight to her strange and abnormal gaze had given her hope, encouragement she had never felt before. 

Perhaps Oda was right. Perhaps he wouldn’t be digusted by her true self.  

Either way, it was better to find out sooner rather than later, before she got carried away like always. Your letters had so much faith in him, big brother. Can I also have that same faith?

Lifting her fingers up, Dazai then watched her slowly take off the large circular frames in order to place them in her pocket before snapping back up to stare at him with that familiar dead eyed, lifeless stare he knew all too well. 

And then she spoke, her voice gaining a new type of excitement for what was about to transpire. “I hope you’re ready, Mr. Executive. I can’t wait to see how you tick.” 

Then before he could even blink, Asagao was gone from her spot, causing Dazai’s awareness to immediately spike with adrenaline in order to just barely feel his cheek being brushed by a hand that was not his own. 

Like lighting, the man then narrowed his eyes before stepping back in an instant, causing the girl to hit only air as her ability was deactivated by his touch. Foolish girl, didn’t she know she couldn’t hit him while using her skill? That was a pointless strategy. 

This would be over before he knew it. 

Dazai then let out an uninterested sigh in order to dodge every one of her sloppy and uncoordinated attacks with ease. Sure, she was fast, moving in and out of reality and his vision in a millisecond but her hits were always halted by his ability in the end. 

Mocking out into the air, the boy then chuckled and ducked as her leg tried to make contact to no avail before reaching forward and grabbing onto her arm in order to dip her back on unsteady feet. 

He then pushed his hands to her waist before smiling in victory for how easy he manhandled the supposedly scary girl. “I thought you said you were gonna impress me, Asa-chan? All I see is a pathetic attempt so far. Gonna have to try harder than that, love.” 

The girl only remained still though, her calculating and hollow gaze moving back to his before he watched Asa’s lips curve upwards into a proud smirk, almost like she had already won. “Got you.” 

Ramming her foot into his knee, Dazai’s body then caved for a millisecond in order to allow his grip to loosen and Asagao to break free. And then she was gone from his sight again, causing the man to sigh. Didn’t she know she wasn’t going to win like that?

Asa appeared a moment later, a little further away this time, just out of reach as she turned her head before adding. “You see a pathetic attempt but I was simply just warming up. Analyzing, watching and waiting. It’s what I do, you let me see into you and now I’ve figured it out.” 

Dazai couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity for her words though. Those sloppy and baseless attacks were on purpose? Just so she could see how he fought? My, maybe he underestimated the little princess a little too quickly. Now things were getting interesting. 

Genuinely curious for her response, he hummed. “And what have you found out?” 

She disappeared a moment later, Dazai’s eyes narrowing before just barely missing a punch in order for her to answer casually. “You see, I vaguely knew about your ability from Oda’s letter and I’ve always wondered how it would match up against me. I wanted to see you use it in person and now that I have, I know all about you.” 

What Dazai didn’t know was that Asagao’s body was practically shaking with excitement, her brain going haywire as he watched and cataloged every action by her opponent while she was being “sloppy.” 

A puzzle, a question, an enigma. That’s what he was to her. He was a challenge that she took pride in solving as precisely as possible. It was thrilling, like an addiction she couldn’t help but feed the more she watched and observed.

And without the blurry wall of her glasses, Asagao saw everything, her gaze clear and concise as a twisted smile couldn’t help but grace her lips as everything in her body urged her to pick him apart. God, how she missed this feeling. 

Thoughts of her nightmares, thoughts of her brother, they were all replaced by the inescapable high of her own sadistic mind, Asagao unable to think about anything else except the bandaged boy in front of her very eyes. 

Reappearing a moment later, she watched Dazai dodge her punch only for her to cruelly mock in his direction. “It’s in the way you move, it’s in the way you counter. It’s in every single choice you make like a baring red flag and you can’t even see it.” 

And it was, it really was. She had suspected he was like that but after seeing his fighting style there was no doubt in her mind. “Oh Osamu, you’re so cocky, aren’t you? You don’t take anything serious and it shows in your fighting. You’ve become dependent on your ability, simply because no one has ever managed to beat it. You’ve gotten lazy, love.” 

Dazai then paused only for his lips to twist upwards at the mocking use of his own pet name used against him. Love , huh? 

She was making fun of him. How interesting, he didn’t know she had it in her. 

And the mafioso couldn’t help but realize that she was right. He had gotten lazy in his fighting style, simply because no one had ever bothered to show him a real show. No one had ever caused him to have to try before. 

Akutagawa, his subordinates, they were all idiots that he used to his advantage. Hell, the minute anyone of his enemies tried to attack they were always halted by his ability. 

It was boring, they were all boring, every single confrontation was boring.

He had to admit, her pretty little eyes really were impressive. Barely any of his enemies had managed to get that far in figuring him out. And those that tried never did anything successful with the information. 

Reaching his arm forward, Dazai’s fingers then wrapped around her outstretched arm before pulling it towards him in order lift it up in the air and spin her around until they were chest to chest. 

He then tightened his hold on her wrist before leaning closer until they were just mere inches apart before speaking with clear amusement. “And you think you can beat it? You think you will be the expectation to my ability?” 

Now who was the cocky one? Now who was saying utter nonsense? Because Dazai knew damn well that Asagao wasn’t capable of such a feat. He knew that she wouldn’t be able to counter his ability. She would fail like all the others. 

Asagao only shook her head though, her eyes never leaving his before smiling towards his lips. “No, but I can give you the show you want.” 

Reaching her free hand forward, the girl then reached into Dazai’s jacket pocket before pulling out his hidden gun in order to point the barrel just to the left of his head and let off a shot. 

The sound and sheer force of the bullet then caused the mafioso to loosen his hold and lean backwards in order to feel his bandaged eye start to bleed in an angry red line. No, that wasn’t an accident, she grazed him on purpose so he would release his hold. Huh, good girl.

Placing his fingers to the wound, Dazai then smirked before watching her take three steps back from him. “And how are you going to do that, darling?” 

And he half expected her to shoot him again, the gun silently resting in the palm of her hands as she stood and stared. That would’ve been the easiest decision but also the most boring. 

Although that’s when Asagao simply shrugged before flipping the gun over in order to offer the handle back to the executive with a knowing look. “Stop playing around and I’ll show you.” 

Feigning innocence, the boy simply put his hands up, knowing fully well it was a bold face lie. “I don’t know what you mean, Asa-chan. I would never play.”

The truth was that Dazai hadn’t countered back for one specific reason, and that was that he simply didn’t see the need to.

She hadn’t given him any reason to get serious yet, which the boy was internally thankful for, knowing he wouldn’t have been able to hold himself back and act dismissive if she really did give him a real fight. 

Asagao didn’t blink though, her outstretched hand falling before she tossed the gun onto the ground between them with a heavy sigh of rejection. “Obviously you’re not looking at me like a threat yet. Guess I’ll have to use your weakness after all.”

At that, Dazai couldn’t help but turn his head in amusement. What a bold statement she just made. She was walking on such dangerous territory now. “Weakness? And do pray tell me what that is, love?”

She disappeared a moment later, causing the boy’s eyes to sharpen before he heard her voice behind him. “It took me a while to figure it out. What could the great port mafia executive Dazai Osamu be afraid of? Death? No. The darkness? Definitely not. No, it’s simpler than that isn’t it? It’s so incredibly simple. What scares you the most is really..” 

Just then, the boy froze as Asagao suddenly materialized in front of him, placing her fingers onto his cheek with so much care and softness that it made his shoulders tense up all at once. “A gentle human touch.” 

And all at once, Dazai felt his entire body reject the feeling, hating the vulnerability and weakness it brought to him only for his muscles to react without thinking in order to punch Asagao straight across the face with widened horrified eyes. 

Then she watched as the girl stumbled backwards immediately, her hair falling in front of her face before three drops of blood fell onto the ground in front of his eyes. 

He had just struck her, he had just hurt Odasaku’s little sister with his own hands. 

Just like Akutagawa, just like everyone else that crossed his path.

But to be honest, the bandaged boy could hardly focus on that, his adrenaline spiking only to hear Asagao’s muffled chuckles of sadistic joy as she turned up to look at him. 

And when she did, her lips were turned upwards in a bloodthirsty smirk as she shouted excitedly. “Ah, that’s the look I want! Show me more, Mr. Executive! Show me how scary that demon you talk about really is. Let me see it!” 

Blinking in surprise, the boy then felt himself pause, feeling the blood on his knuckles turn numb in order to take in the rapid and crazed look from Asagao. 

She looked like a completely different person entirely, her body shaking not from fear but rather pure and raw adrenaline mixed with fire. Her hollow gaze pierced his, revealing so much sadistic joy as she touched the blood that ran from her nose to her twisted and almost psychotic grin. 

Oh, so this is what she meant by things getting “intense.” 

He had never seen anyone with that kind of face before. Sure, Chuuya loved a good fight but this was something entirely different. It’s like Asagao was losing herself to the idea of it. Like she was high on a drug he couldn’t even comprehend. 

In all his years underground, Dazai had never seen such a look before, especially from an assassin. It’s like she was a mad crazed dog, thriving off the thrill and possibility of the fight she would receive from her next prey.

And for most, the sight would've been terrifying, enough to turn even the toughest enemies around. But for Dazai, he felt something different entirely. No, the boy wasn’t scared, not even a little bit. 

He was enamored . 

 Then, like a switch in his mind, Dazai felt himself darken in his own sick joy, enjoying her positive reaction to his hit. Oh, she had been waiting for this, hadn't she? She wanted to see how scary he was? Fine. He’d gladly make her regret that decision for riling him up like this. 

And just like that,the already fragile string in the back of his mind had snapped, giving into the impulse he had felt since stepping into this empty abandoned warehouse.

 And that was to make her regret ever asking him to be here in the first place. 

She wanted to see the demon prodigy, she wanted to face the port mafia executive? 

Then so be it. 

He’d make her cry, scream and plead like all the others. He would grab onto her fragile perfect scalp, make her get on her pretty little knees and apologize for ever wanting to be his enemy in the first place. Then she’d understand, then she’d finally get why Oda didn’t want her near him. 

Asagao then disappeared a moment later, causing the demon to chuckle with silent wait before turning around in order to push his fist into the empty space just as the girl rematerialized in front of his eyes. 

Yet he only hit air, the girl smirking before ducking under his hand and pushing her leg underneath him to uneven his balance in order to lift her hand towards his chest with ease.

Dazai felt himself fall backwards immediately though, his eyes narrowing with intrigue before racing forward and grasping onto her arm in order to ground himself, pulling her forward and reversing the intent so that she would be off center instead. 

Feeling her lungs cave with pain, Asagao then lifted her wavering foot up to his stomach before kicking the mafia executive with so much force that Dazai had no choice but to loosen his hold with a sharp gasp of surprise. 

He then held the area before smiling sadistically  to dodge another one of her attacks in order for his fingers to reach towards her scalp and roughly grab onto the strands before pulling her towards him once more. 

Then before she could process it, the boy had kicked her legs out from under her, only for her to roughly crash towards the hard warehouse floor, his voice dripping with venom as he slammed her head into the surface with a deep chuckle. “Ah, Asa-chan. You’re really making me work for this, aren’t you? Makes me wanna play around with you some more.” 

Yet he only heard her laugh from underneath his hand, the girl lifting her eyes up as Dazai caught a long line of blood appearing from the crown of her head. “Funny, I was gonna say the same thing about you.” 

And with that, it seemed like her bloodthirsty and waiting smile had grown tenfold, her body showing no sign of fear even though she was being gripped so roughly by her hair. 

The very sight then caused Dazai’s dark and twisted soul to clutch harder with pure amusement. God, the way she was looking at him was so addicting. She looked so gorgeous like this, smiling between his fingers while blood ran down those pretty pink cheeks of hers. 

What a fearless little rabbit she turned out to be. 

Pushing her lips together, Asagao then spit straight into the mafioso's face, using the leverage from the move in order to fully slip from his grip and disappear from his sight once more. 

Dazai’s hands then moved towards the gun by his side in order to automatically pick up the object and aim it towards the empty open space in order to let off five shots that he knew she would soon occupy. 

And he was right, Asagao reappearing only for her body to immediately shift in order to avoid the rain of bullets he had brought her way.

 But because there were so many and so expectedly, one of them managed to clip against her arm, grazing the surface as she gasped out in order to find the injury. 

Dazai’s hand was fast, using the blood dripping from her forearm to his advantage as it reached out for her only for Asa to narrow her eyes and just barely miss his touch only for the executive to change his intent and aim for somewhere else. 

Barreling his fist into her ribs, Asagao then slumped backwards in order to clutch onto the area before she quickly countered in order to reach her hand forward and reach his face. 

Then before Dazai could realize what she was doing, the girl had grasped onto his bandaged eye in order to pull the wrappings loose as the boy couldn’t help but widen his eyes at the vulnerable attack. 

No one had ever tried to aim for that before, mostly because no one knew how badly it could shake him. But Asagao did, she knew everything about him. 

His surprise was just enough time for Asagao to smirk before barreling her own fist straight into the executives face a second later, her knuckles painting with blood as Dazai felt himself stumble backwards with pain only for the boy to place a disbelieving finger to the sight. 

And before the white gauze had to change to hit the ground, Dazai’s fingers reacted absentmindedly, his hand reaching out before wrapping them around Asa’s slim neck in order to bring her to the ground with pure and unriddled force. 

Her body hit the floor a second later, gasping as her fingers tried to claw for release only for his other hand to quickly grab her wrists and pin them above her head in a makeshift prison of his own design. 

He felt the madness, the sadistic joy overtake him as he squeezed her airways with no mercy, wanting nothing more than to make her pay for such a dirty and successful tactic she had orchestrated. 

And yet, the face she made underneath him still showed no sign of fear or weakness. She wasn’t like Akutagawa at all. Even though he could end her life and snap her neck at any moment, the way she looked at him was firm, almost like she was coaxing him to do it. 

That same addicting feeling soon washed over him, as he felt his fingers grip even tighter without permission. Suddenly it all made sense, why she was supposed to stay out of Yokohama.

 It was because she was the embodiment of a perfect tool. Any one that had an assassin like her in their hands would surely succeed in the underworld. 

Oh, Mori would’ve killed to have her between his fingers. He just knew it. If he knew that something like her existed then he was sure that the boss would have stopped at nothing to obtain it. 

And for a moment, Dazai’s mind went there as well, knowing that she would make a far more promising subordinate than Akutagawa. He could just imagine it, bending her into his own image and using her to take control of the port mafia. Him and his bloodthirsty attack dog, how they could bring a new era to the this fucked up pointless little world. 

Yet that’s when Odasaku’s voice shattered everything. 

“Be a good man”

Gasping back into reality, Dazai’s eyes then filled with realization for his dark twisted thoughts in order to immediately loosen his grip on Oda’s sister’s neck only to hear her gasp out a struggling breath.

Wait, what was he doing, what was he thinking just now? 

Asagao then used his brief moment of weakness to completely slip from his grasp only to disappear before Dazai saw her leg approach his face a millisecond later, and this time he didn’t try to stop it. 

The force of the hit sounded throughout the warehouse a moment later as Dazai felt his entire body fall backwards onto the ground, his head spinning and throbbing by the sheer power only for him to place his hands onto the ground on all fours. 

But the pain in his head was nothing compared to the utter shame and guilt he felt for disobeying his best friend's wish. He got too carried away and Asagao paid the price for it. 

So much so, Dazai then closed his eyes before placing a dramatic hand towards his cheek in order to look back towards Asa and cry pathetically.  “Owieee! Asa-chann, you know I don’t like pain. Why did you do that? It hurts!” 

Asa then blinked in surprise, her feet unmoving as she took in the strange new tone from the boy. It seemed like the air had shifted as well. “Osu..”

Then all at once, the red haired girl then looked down at her feet before leaning down in order to pick up the discarded bandage and hand them out of the boy with a guilty smile. “Sorry. Guess I got carried away again.” 

Looking down at the white colored gauze, Dazai then lowered his eyes before carefully taking them back before he took in her response. What did she have to be guilty about? He was the one that had taken things too far and hurt her. 

Dazai then watched the girl play with her fingers, ignoring the blood cascading down her face in order to look up at him with anxious hope. “So uhh..did I win? Did I impress the great mafia executive? 

At that, he couldn’t help but blink before his own lips curved into a small genuine smile without his permission in order to reach his fingers and touch the blood by her eye. 

Even though things got out of hand, even though he should’ve stopped them, he still couldn’t lie to her, even if he so desperately wanted to. “You did.” 

And the pure happiness that appeared from those two simple words made his heart twist and turn in every single unpleasant direction he could ever imagine.

-----

The two returned to Oda’s apartment just as the sun began to rise, only for Asagao to immediately grab the first aid kit so that they could patch themselves up from the previous fight. 

Pulling the white colored bandages around her arms silently, the kids didn’t ask each other for help, simply completing their own work in utter silence as Dazai couldn’t help but stare at her with a heavy sigh. 

She was wearing her glasses again, yet the girl’s careful fingers seemed to know exactly what she was doing, almost like she had patched herself up a million times before. He wouldn’t have been surprised though if that was the case. She was obviously experienced. 

Yet that’s when Asa let out a sigh on her own before looking towards the boy in question with a teasing smirk in order to show him her arms. “Hey, Osu! Look, I’m you now.” 

The girl then leapt to her feet before placing her fingers under her chin with a fake deep mocking voice. “I’m Dazai Osamu and you better be careful darling, cause I might make you cry pretty little tears.” 

At that, Dazai couldn’t help but raise an eye, the boy snorting in reply. “Is that your impression of me?”

Asa only nodded though, beaming in joy. “Mhmm! Pretty good, right?” 

The boy then shook his head before crawling over to the girl with a devious smile of challenge.“Alright then, two can play that game..” 

Then he reached his fingers out in order to grasp onto Asa’s glasses, taking them off her face before putting them on his instead. 

Laughing to himself, Dazai then let out a girliest response he could muster. “I’m Oda Asagao and..oh no! Who put that railing there, am I right? Oh, I’m so clumsy and silly all the time, I can’t even see where I’m going!” 

He then let out another mocking giggle only for Asagao to blink in surprise before covering her eyes with her hands with an embarrassing groan. “Aw man, do I really sound like that?” 

Dazai only nodded though, pushing his fingers towards the frames. “All the time, love.” 

The boy then leaned forward into her personal bubble before humming with pure interest in order to pry her fingers from her eyes. “Aww look at you, all shy now without your glasses. How cute.”

And when his fingers finally revealed her face, Dazai couldn’t help but smirk at the very familiar blush painting her cheeks as she looked anywhere but the man in question. 

How funny, just hours ago she was looking at him with such a bloodthirsty and calculating stare and now she couldn’t even meet his eyes without her glasses. 

He wanted to tease her some more but no matter what he tried she still didn’t budge, causing the boy to sigh before removing the large round frames and plopping them back onto her eyes as Asa muttered back softly. “I’ll work on it. I’m just not used to them off.”

The room turned quiet then only for Asagao to speak first, her voice just barely above a whisper. “Hey, Osamu..”

Dazai then turned his head in reply only for Oda’s sister to give a heavy weighted sigh in his direction.  “Were you being serious before? Are you really not..scared of me..?” 

And to be honest, the girl could hardly believe his last words at the warehouse. She had shown him such a twisted side of herself, anyone would’ve been pissed off or horrified. She had even used Dazai’s weakness of physical touch against him so that he would hit her. 

She had manipulated him and the girl wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see her again. That’s usually how things went anyways. She was a lot to handle for anybody. 

The boy could only scoff at her question though, knowing that she had everything backwards. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that question?” 

He had soiled Odasaku’s honor after all, he had let his dark port mafia soul take over and hurt his best friend’s precious little sister. He didn’t hold back and he wasn’t kind. 

Yet that’s when Asagao only turned her head, like the answer was obvious. 

“You’re not scary..you’re just Osu..” 

The voice she used was so sickeningly sweet, so pure and passionate that Dazai couldn’t help but feel his heart drop straight into his chest. She didn’t actually believe that, right? 

Did she not see what happened tonight, did she not hear his deprived and horrible thoughts about wanting to chain her to him as his subordinate? Did she not feel the lingering effects of blood on her skin? Or did she simply not care?

Just then, Dazai caught sight of the bandages around her neck, knowing damn well what kind of injury lay beneath. He could almost see them, the lingering effects of his fingertips on her throat. 

The boy then saddened at the clear sign of his failure before lifting his hand up in order to run two fingers across the bandages in a defeated line. 

 And for the first time, Dazai cared . 

Noticing his silence, Asagao then frowned in concern before reaching her fingers forward with worry for his strange reaction. “Osamu, what’s wrong?” 

But her voice was so kind that Dazai felt himself immediately curl inside himself, his entire body flinching and growing tense at the sight of her gentle soft fingers in his line of sight.

 No, she couldn’t touch him, she’d be tainted like him.

Swallowing to himself, the boy then watched Asa’s touch freeze at his obviously uncomfortable reply before he covered it up with a forced chuckle. “Why would anything be wrong?” 

But it was bullshit, everything he said was bullshit, and it seemed like Asagao knew that as well, her eyes softening at the state of his vulnerable, weak and ever telling body language. 

It was obvious to tell that he was running away from something, like something was haunting him. But he was recoiling from those feelings, not allowing her to see the softness he was so desperately trying to hide. 

Just the very sight made Asagao crumble just slightly. He didn’t trust her, it was obvious. 

And why should he? The two weren’t friends, they were practically strangers. 

And Dazai hated it, he hated how she looked at him, like she could read his mind. It was too close, too personal. It made him uncomfortable and uneasy. 

Yet that’s when Asagao simply smiled softly in his direction before allowing her hand to fall onto her lap without another word. 

The mafia executive couldn’t help but blink though, not believing what he was seeing. She didn’t push it, she didn’t make fun of his inability to be touched. She simply let it be. 

Just then, the doorbell began to ring only for Asagao to quickly stand up with a joyful clap of her hands in order to break the tension. “Oh! Don’t worry, I’ll get it! That must be the delivery we ordered!” 

Dazai then watched as the red haired girl moved towards the door only for his fingers to reach out desperately and catch her hand before it left his sight completely. “Asagao.” 

Asa froze at the sound immediately. He had just called her by her full name, he had never done that before. 

The girl then paused only for Dazai to squeeze onto the surface with so many unspoken words. But could he say? He didn’t have the right to ask her anything. 

He had never felt like this before, he had never felt such regret and concern after a fight. The sensation was strange and he didn’t like it. 

 And as horrible as it was, Dazai had enjoyed their match tonight. He liked having a challenge and he loved the reactions she gave him. It was enticing, addicting but somehow it still all felt wrong. 

  How could he regret something so clearly and yet want to relive it at the same time? 

But like a prayer, she did so for him, her hand moving as she smiled in his direction. “Osu, after we eat, let's plan our next fight, okay?” 

 She was telling him not to worry about it, that she wasn’t bothered by the way things played out tonight. 

 And the way she wore Odasaku’s face, it was like the very sight was tricking him into believing he hadn’t made a horrible mistake towards his friend's wish. 

 So much so, the boy gave into the delusions, letting Asagao go from his grasp with a small bitter smile. Was it wrong to admit that tonight was enjoyable? That he wanted to do it again? 

He didn’t dare speak that out into the air though, afraid of what it would bring. 

-----

After slipping out from Osamu’s grip, Asagao then disappeared towards the front door only to throw the object open with a goofy grin, expecting to see the delivery driver that she had been waiting for.

Only it wasn’t the delivery man at all. 

In fact, it was probably the worst possible person she could imagine. 

And almost instantly her expression began to fall with anxiety as she looked into the eyes of a very familiar, very angry face staring back at her, accompanied by over a dozen government officials. 

Obviously he didn’t think her little “running away” joke was very funny three weeks ago.

Yet even so, his name couldn’t help but run into her mind at the sight, internally groaning at the man in question. 

Ango. 

[bemydoctor]

The Cold Shadow

Title: The Cold Shadow

Summary: Bucky is sinking slowly. He is overwhelmed by negative thoughts of the worst kind. Trouble is, he can’t climb back up on his own. Fortunately for him, he doesn’t have to.

Characters: Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson

Trigger warnings: sleep deprivation, alcohol and drug abuse, thoughts of suicide and self-harm, mention of blood, depression, PTSD, mentions of nightmares and night terrors

Other tags: Language, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sad!Bucky, Crying!Bucky, Sam Wilson is a good friend, Bucky Barnes needs a hug, Bucky Barnes gets a hug, Bucky Barnes feels

Notes: Dealing with PTSD is a roller coaster. There are ups and downs, good moments and bad ones. This fic is in no way insinuating that he will miraculously get better after an episode like this. It’s just a chapter on his journey to recovery. It puts him on a path that is hopefully forward and maybe we can hope the next drop of this roller coaster won’t sent him as far back down and he will be better prepared to deal with it and ask for help. All my knowledge on the subject comes from TV shows or other works of fiction besides Google and YouTube, and not from any sort of professional qualification or personal experience. Edited by myself. Please message me if you find anything I might have missed.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44369254/chapters/111587995

Words: 4016

>---<

Bucky listed to the side slowly, eyelids drifting close. His sluggish brain’s delayed response was to get his body upright again.

He blinked blearily, feeling like he was glued to the floor, as if gravity had increased tenfold turning his limbs to lead. His metal arm was so heavy it was just a useless hunk of metal beside him. Moving the fingers on that hand too much of an effort to even bother trying. Anyone who saw it would think it wasn’t even properly connected to his body.

Sometimes, his head would start falling, eyes rolling to the back. On occasion he would catch himself, forcing his mind to work for long enough to lift it again. It wouldn’t stay like that for long and gravity would soon resume its course. Usually, however, it was his head abruptly falling forward and almost hitting his bent knees that would get him to snap it up again. Not too much though. There wasn’t enough energy left in him to get him very far.

He tried to keep his eyelids from drooping, to at least keep them a sliver apart. The tiny slit of blue from the wall across from him slowly getting thinner and thinner. No amount of trying would get him to pry them open again.

A particularly sudden fall of his head woke him. He sluggishly raised it back, getting it to a position it wouldn’t take too much effort to keep it up.

If he had the energy, he would smile for finally getting his mind empty enough to make everything go numb. No amount of alcohol, pills or needles had managed that, his super soldier metabolism too fast to let any of that have any effect. For a moment he had even considered cutting himself. Maybe blood loss would be able to get him there. But then the exhaustion from several unslept days made him consider this.

His dreams had gotten bad enough that sleep was even more torture than wakefulness. Of course, being awake meant thinking too much, feeling too much, hurting too much. But sleeping was even worse. Without any barriers, his subconscious would take over and the nightmares were at a point in which waking up was getting more and more difficult leaving him stuck in a never-ending loop of terror. He would wake up with a sob, drenched in sweat, face covered with tears, lungs sucking in so much air it felt he would pass out straight back to sleep.

So he gave up on sleep altogether.

And right now, because of that, he felt like heaven.

His mind could barely come up with the idea of keeping his body from falling down. Any and all thought had drifted away several hours ago. He was floating in clouds. Finally at peace.

Was this what it would have felt like if the needles had worked?

A deep sense of calm overwhelmed him. He wished he could stay there forever. To just drift away and never wake up again.

Finally be free.

>---<

Sam called Bucky’s name again, his banging on the door more frantic this time.

“Bucky, I know you are in there. Open the door.”

He waited a few beats.

He banged more insistently. “You can’t hide from me, I’m tracking your phone.” More seconds passed. “Bucky, if you don’t open this door, I swear to god I’ll kick it open.”

Still nothing.

Sam sighed. His concern had turned to annoyance when Bucky wouldn’t open the door, but the silence brought the worry back, fiercer than before. This didn’t feel right.

Yes, Bucky would ignore him. He would make Sam wait and knock several times. He would ignore him away, then grumble and groan but would eventually open the door, if only to grunt at Sam and tell him to leave.

Sam shook his head, trying to keep his voice level.

“Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he said as a last attempt to ease the worry away.

He tried the doorknob, not surprised to see it locked. He looked around the nearly empty street. He lowered himself and looked under the mat, finding nothing there. He tried the empty pots on the dead garden next to the entrance and under the rocks nearby.

“Shit!” he swore under his breath.

He would imagine Bucky to be the type to have more than one lock, so even if Sam managed to pick the obvious one, there would be others on the inside.

Sam took in a deep breath and decided to try the window. It was higher than he would have liked but he eventually managed to get it open. He looked around again, hoping no one had called the cops on him.  

He jumped through. “Bucky?”

He continued across the empty living space not seeing much out of place until he stopped by the kitchen counter. It was littered with empty whisky and pill bottles scattered around. He picked up a rubber tourniquet, the kind used to give someone an injection. He saw the empty syringes inside the sink and ominous thoughts swam through his mind.

He forced his legs to move again, his heart now hammering in his chest. He turned into the corridor that led to the bedroom then rushed to his friend’s side.

“Bucky!”

Shaky hands hovered over the limp form on the floor. For a moment he retracted them, too scared to proceed. He swallowed thickly and took in the sight of his friend. No obvious signs of injury or smells that could indicate he had overdosed. He wasn’t even clammy. In fact, he was still breathing. Not only that, but his breaths were deep and steady, and Sam realized the man was asleep. Really very asleep.

“Hey, Bucky!” he whispered, trying not to touch him. When he got no response, he tried again, this time in his normal tone. “Buck, wake up!”

Bucky hadn’t even changed his breathing rhythm. Sam took in a deep breath, resisting the urge to call an ambulance. He remembered the empty bottles of medicine on the counter. They wouldn’t have worked on him. He knew super soldiers couldn’t keep drugs in their systems for long enough for them to have any effect. Not without an elephant-sized dose on a constant IV drip.

But that didn’t mean the man wouldn’t try. If he was desperate enough.

“Hey, Buck, it’s Sam.” He touched his friend’s shoulder gently. “Bucky!” He shook him slightly.

No response. He let out a shuddering breath.

Sam shook him. “Wake up, Bucky!” he said more loudly.

This time, he noticed a slight change and the dread started to fade away. Bucky was alright. Just sleeping.

“C’mon, man. Just wake up.”

Sam tapped Bucky’s cheeks which seemed to rouse him a bit. He continued tapping away, not stopping even after he saw eyes squinting and a moan escaping his lips.

“That’s right, open your eyes for me.” He stopped his ministrations to look at him.

When it seemed like Bucky would fall right back to sleep, Sam continued slapping the man gently.

“Ngh.”

A pathetic arm movement that Sam could only guess it was Bucky’s attempt at waving him off made Sam grab Bucky’s chin to turn his head at him.

“Don’t go all lazy on me. Open your eyes.” he said firmly.

“Shhh. Go ‘way.”

Sam grabbed the limp man’s arm and forced him to a sitting position. Bucky slumped a bit and Sam pulled him back up again. Bucky’s reluctance was making Sam’s worry climb up his esophagus. He swallowed it back down. When Bucky started relaxing again Sam held him upright.

“Na, uh. Stay!” Sam commanded.

“M not a puppy,” he slurred.

“Then stop behaving like one. Now open your damn eyes!”

Eyelids fluttered for a few moments before slowly prying open. Bleary eyes blinked slowly, seeming to have difficulty focusing on him.

“Hey,” he said softly. Sam lifted the man’s chin and looked into his eyes, one at a time. He didn’t see anything that would normally worry him.

They started to close again.

“No. Keep looking at me.” Sam continued to search Bucky’s eyes for anything of concern.

Bucky finally focused on him. His brows drew together in annoyance. He rubbed his eyes then had to gall to pout his lips like a petulant child.

“What the hell, man? What happened?”

“I was taking a nap! What does it look like?” He waved around.

“Here? On the floor? In the middle of the corridor?”

Bucky shrugged. “Good place as any,” he murmured.

“What about, I don’t know, the bed?” Sam waved his arms around towards the bedroom.

Bucky brought his knees up against his chest and looped his arms around them. He supported his head on them. “Why are you here?” he said tiredly.

“Because I was worried about you. I’ve been texting and calling you for days!” He sat down in front of him. “Jesus, Bucky, I thought you were dead!”

He lifted his head. “Well, obviously I’m not. Now, will you leave?”

Sam sighed and ran a hand over his face. He looked at Bucky, examining him. The dark circles under his eyes, disheveled hair, unkept beard, and he didn’t need to sniff the air to know he hadn’t showered in days. His heart sank.

Bucky huffed. “Why are you still here?”

“Bucky, please, talk to me. I want to help.”

“Then leave me the fuck alone!” He shook his shoulder away from the hand Sam was about to place there.

Sam shook his head. “That’s all you have to say?”

“What do you want me to say, Sam?” His voice cracked and Sam’s heart also cracked a little along with it.

“You need to let me help you, Bucky.”

>---<

Sam moved to sit next to him then just stayed there by his side, their bodies touching. Bucky felt Sam’s body heat and released a shuddering breath, resisting the urge to lean onto him. For several moments Sam was a constant solid presence that wouldn’t let go. “You are not getting rid of me,” he said.

Bucky hid his face on his hands. For several moments, his entire existence was solely focused on getting a hold of himself and yet the vice grip around his chest wouldn’t let go. He felt it tighten and spread all over his body like a cold shadow that turned everything into misery. The pressure inside his head was getting stronger and stronger until it turned into tears that started to sting at his eyes. He suppressed a sniffle and tried to breathe through it but his eyes continued getting wetter by the minute. He started trembling and couldn’t stop himself.

A warm hand circled around his back. Bucky felt himself lose control when the gentle touch pulled him for an embrace. He let himself breakdown for no other reason than the fact he no longer had the energy to hold back. He buried himself on Sam’s shoulder and simply let go. The hand rubbed circles on his back through his tremors, but it only made the weeping turn into desperate sobs.

He gripped tightly and gave up fighting the tsunami of emotions that flooded out of him. He felt himself unable to stop. Every single tear that his body had ever produced overflowed out of him along with all the snot and spit too. He shook uncontrollably and wrapped his hands around Sam.

Sam held him through wails that felt like it would never end. Every single bad emotion that had clung to his chest over the last several weeks, months, years, being washed away.

Time seemed to have stopped. He didn’t know how long it lasted. He felt like he had been sucked into a vortex and come out the other side dazed and muddled. He sniffed away the last few sobs and broke away from Sam, still shaking, feeling a weird sort of disconnect between himself and his body. He was exhausted. Everything moved too slowly. He sat on the floor, shoulders hunched down, mind numb.

“You good?”

Bucky nodded, not trusting his voice to work.

“Why don’t you take a shower? That will help, ok?”

Bucky nodded again, too tired to argue.

Sam stood then an arm appeared in Bucky’s field of vision. He took the arm and gingerly got up onto his feet. Sam held onto him until he was sure he wouldn’t fall.

Bucky walked timidly, still feeling out of sorts. When he got into the bathroom, the water was already running.

“Do you need any help?”

Bucky shook his head and supported his weight against the sink, looking away.

“Okay,” Sam said before he left, leaving the door open.

Bucky shed his clothes and stepped under the stream, the hot water easing the knots he hadn’t realized he had. For several minutes that’s all that he did. He breathed through the numbness and eventually managed to find the energy to scrub himself.

By the time he was finished, he could barely keep himself upright.  He put on the clean pair of sweatpants Sam had left for him at some point during his stupor.

He turned his head slowly when he heard footsteps approaching.

“Hungry? I made you an omelet.”

Bucky shrugged.

“C’mon. It’s ready.”

He sighed, too spent to do anything else. Sam had gone through all that trouble; he might as well try. He dragged his feet all the way to the stool behind the counter where the plate was laid out.

He managed to take a few bites before he found himself unable to swallow any more. He pushed the plate away, looking sheepishly at Sam.

“What about the juice?” Sam looked at him across from the counter.

Bucky forced a few gulps down then put the glass down, surprised to find it empty.

Sam rounded the counter. “C’mon. Time for bed.”

“I’m not a child,” Bucky muttered, shaking his shoulder to get Sam’s hand off.

The comment seemed to have no effect because Sam continued to supervise Bucky all the way into the bedroom. Bucky practically collapsed onto the bed.

“You don’t need to tuck me in too,” he mumbled, even though Sam was already pulling a blanket over him.

He really wanted to complain again, but his eyes were already closing and whatever it was he was going to say, he figured it must be less important than the gentle pull of sleep.

>---<

He woke up surrounded by gentle darkness. A faint light came through the window and Bucky figured it must be nearly morning.

He stared at the ceiling.

It was weird. He felt well rested. His body was relaxed, and his mind refreshed. He tried to remember the last time he felt that way.

He couldn’t.

Then, memories came back to him. The bottles, the pills, the syringes. Sleep depriving himself for days in the hopes of a short reprieve. The thoughts of maybe not waking up again.

And Sam.

He shuffled to the edge of the bed and placed his bare feet down, standing up. He realized his bladder was nearly bursting so he made his way to the bathroom.

After he was done, he followed the faint light and stepped into the living room, finding Sam sitting on the lone armchair in the middle of the room, reading his copy of The Hobbit. Upon hearing Bucky’s footsteps, he looked up, putting the book down.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” He stood. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” he said, failing to contain the annoyed edge to his voice. He shouldn’t be annoyed. Sam was trying to help.

He walked over to the stool and sat down, noticing that all trash had vanished from his place. He also saw that his sink was empty and that the marble had been scrubbed clean. His shoulders sank.

“You didn’t have to clean up.”

Sam walked over to him. “Yes, I had. This place was disgusting.” He moved over to the fridge. “Hungry? I can heat up the rest of that omelet.”

Bucky scratched the back of his head. “What time is it? How long was I out?”

Despite Bucky’s lack of an answer, Sam had taken the omelet out of the fridge and was putting it in the microwave. “I don’t think you want to know the answer to the second question, but it is now sunrise.”

Bucky’s eyebrows rose. “You stayed here all night? Where did you sleep?”

“Don’t worry about that.” Sam shrugged and placed the food in front of Bucky.

Bucky slumped his shoulders, guilt and shame seeping into him. “I’m sorry. You didn’t have to do any of that. Shouldn’t have.” He looked down at the steaming plate, the smell making his stomach growl. “Not for me, anyway,” he continued softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course I had to. You’re my friend, Bucky.”

Bucky looked up at him finding it hard to find any words.

He looked down again. “Why?”

Sam chuckled. “What do you mean why?”

He sighed. “Well…” He looked straight at Sam. “The first time you saw me, I ripped the steering wheel off your car before crashing it with you still inside. The second time, I tore your wing out then kicked you down to what should have been your death. Then the third time, after blowing up a tunnel on top of you, I knocked you out, trying to escape custody.” He ran a hand over his face. “Do I need to continue?”

Sam laughed.

The man actually laughed.

“Yeah, but that wasn’t you.”

Bucky shook his head.

He grabbed the fork and started to pick at his omelet, suddenly finding himself too hungry to continue the conversation.

“C’mon. After you finish up, get changed. We’re going out.”

Bucky whipped his head up. “Where are we going?”

Sam waved at his fridge. “You need stuff. Besides three eggs, all you had inside was an empty carton of milk. An empty one. What kind of animal puts an empty carton back into the fridge?”

Bucky decided his eggs were more interesting and was in the middle of stabbing it with a fork when an alarm went off. He looked at the direction it was coming from, seeing his phone next to the TV, blinking and blaring at him.

“Ah, yes. I took the liberty of setting up a few alarms on your phone.”

“What for?” Bucky asked making his way to silence the damn thing. He unlocked it and saw a series of alarms programed into it, all with different names. This one was for waking up. The next one for breakfast. There was one for cleaning, showering, cooking...

“So you don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

Bucky continued to scroll through, finding his entire routine loosely timed out for him. He ground his teeth. “How did you even unlock it?”

Sam smiled. “Did you know you are a very heavy sleeper?”

Bucky slumped back onto the stool and tossed his phone aside.

“Look,” Sam started. “I just want to make sure you don’t spiral out of control again. Keeping a routine might help. And if you hate it, you can always change it to something you like.”

Bucky let go of his fork, suddenly having lost his appetite.

“Keeping busy is a great way to stop thinking about things you shouldn’t be thinking about,” Sam continued. “Keeping a stocked fridge, having stuff inside your place, doing something you like.”

“I don’t need stuff,” he mumbled.

“Yes, you do. You need shelves.” He waved at an empty wall. “Then you need stuff to put on the shelves.” He pointed at an empty space on the floor. “You also need a couch. You know why I didn’t sleep? Because you got nowhere for me to.” He paused. “You need a coffee table. Some magazines to put on it. A side table over there.” More pointing. “And then some more stuff to put on it. Some pictures on the walls would be nice. Some plants that aren’t dead, knickknacks, throw pillows, I don’t know, whatever it takes to make this place feel like it’s yours.” He walked closer to him. “I can help you with all of that. You don’t even need to ask.” He tilted his head. “In fact, I insist. And if you don’t go shopping with me, I’ll go by myself and buy everything on my own and have it delivered. Possibly choosing the worst possible color.”

Bucky finally looked up at him.

“When you wake up and open your eyes, you will find yourself somewhere that feels like it belongs to you. Not an empty shell.”

“What if I can’t stop thinking, Sam?” His tone was quiet, defeated. He slumped even further onto the stool.

“Then you can talk to me.” He took a deep breath. “If reading a book, going to the movies and cooking dinner won’t work, you call me. Talk to me, yell at me, doesn’t matter, just don’t keep everything in then try to pour it out in all the wrong ways.”

Bucky suddenly felt his chest constricting again and had to breathe through several times to get himself back under control. “I don’t know how.” His voice still sounded hoarse.

“Then I’ll help you. Because that’s what friends do.” Sam placed a hand on his shoulder. “You are not in this alone and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you were.”

Tears started to sting at his eyes. He blinked them away. He still felt like he didn’t deserve any of it. He certainly didn’t deserve Sam.

He sniffed and wiped away the tears. He was tired. He was bone tired of always feeling like his body weighed a hundred tons. That every step was a chore and that every moment that he lived was one he didn’t deserve. He was tired of thinking, he was tired of feeling, he was tired of being miserable. He looked up at Sam.

“Can you try that for me?”

Bucky shrugged a shoulder. “Don’t know.”

“C’mon. Get dressed.”

Bucky looked out of the window. “It’s too early.”

“You’ll be surprised how early some places open.”

He didn’t know that was true or not but he knew there was no fighting him. Sam would keep bugging him and bossing him around so he just complied.

“Fine.”

>---<

The door closed behind him and Bucky made his way to the kitchen. Sam walked over to the counter and placed the shopping bags down, Bucky following suit. There were too many things, in way too many bags, what seemed like an excessive amount of food for someone that grew up during the Great Depression. Bucky placed his hands on the counter and just stared.

Sam started to take packages out of the bags and spreading them around. “Are you going to help or not?”

By the time they were done, cupboards were full and the fridge fully stocked. Everything from canned foods that could feed him for a year, to just enough vegetables to last a week.

“I still don’t think it was all necessary.”

Sam ignored his comment, talking the items that weren’t food over near the armchair. He looked back at Bucky then let go of the stack of books and magazines on what seemed like an imaginary coffee table. The items scattered across the floor.

There was something about the scene that almost made Bucky chuckle, but he resisted the urge.

“Come on. You thought that was funny. Admit it.”

Bucky glared at him. “Hilarious.”

“Yes, it was.”

Sam was now grinning, his unwavering smile lighting up the room. Bucky failed to keep his lip from quirking slightly upwards. He rested his hands on his hips and shook his head, lowering it until his chin touched his chest.

“That was so fucking stupid.”

Sam raised a shoulder. “Whatever works, man.”

Bucky let himself finally smile. It wasn’t a grin, and it didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was the smile from someone that was finally feeling warm air after weeks of being freezing cold.

“Thanks, Sam.”

>---<

[themistressdomme]

omggg ,mommy, you’re backkkkk 🫶🏻 how are you? I hope you’re doing good!

thank you so much, mommy, it made me feel better 🥺

I think the latter one is definitely the correct option to make me learn my place, mommy 👀 it’s good you like challenges because my personal challenge would be to push all your bottoms until I am corrected by you. Such a whimpering mess i’d be, begging you and crying my apologies, but of course my punishment won’t be finished until I learn to behave properly

-🐝

Hello my prettiest little beeee! I am back indeed! I'm good, thank you for asking, darling! How are you, sweet?

I'm glad my little kiss made you feel better, you're such a cutie. Here's another one, just for you 😘

Mhm, I do love a challenge of a little brat who keeps pushing my buttons until I snap. As much as I correcting a pretty little brat, watching them shake and whimper, beg and cry, I also love making them cum. So what happens? Overstimulating.

I'd edge you over, and over, and over again until you're screaming at the top of your lungs, or even further and just completely silent, shaking in sobs because it hurts so much. It hurts when you can't cum, after being edged for hours, hm?

Oh don't worry. Mommy will let you cum.

But once you start cumming, I won't let you stop. Oh no, pretty thing, you wanted to cum? You're going to cum until Mommy gets bored of making you cum. And trust me, that does not happen. Ever. Mommy never gets bored of making little brats cum.

When your legs are shaking and your brain has dissolved into nothing, when your limbs are limp and nothing is working... maybe then I'd stop. Maybe. 😈

Tread carefully, darling!

🐝