#some of his trauma hits so close to home for me and i want nothing more than to hug him so gently

[ghostthostt]

astarion & virtue. more of them

[fatkish]

Heyy, i wanted to request a Eresermic im which Aizawa has a biological daughter, but she is being bullied and they noticed when she was already thinking in ending it all.

I understand if this is too dark, i just lived something similar and my parents blamed me, so some confort would be apreciared hahaha

Thankss, i love your writing 🩷

(Oh my gosh, this hits so close to home because this happened to me. My parents grew up in the era where if boys were mean to you it was because they like you. So when I begged them to do something about my bullies, they did nothing. Needless to say, my childlike innocence was the only reason why I’m alive. Although I may be doing better than I was back then, nothing can erase the trauma from the unintentional neglect from my parents. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll be basing this somewhat off of my own experience and I’ll be putting it in the Pro Heroes x Inner Child Series)

Erasermic x Aizawa’s Bullied Daughter Reader

(TRIGGER WARNING: This story has mentions of bullying, harassment, allusions to suicide and suicidal thoughts, depression and other potentially triggering topics. Please be advised)

Since you basically have two dads, you refer to Hizashi as papa and Shouta as dad

Your quirk was called restraint. Basically if you called someone by their real, full name, you could temporarily restrain them as long as you focused on them

But just like your dad, you also had to be able to see your target

But unlike your classmates, you were a late bloomer. You developed your quirk at age 8, which led to you being bullied by your peers

You knew that your dad’s worked really hard and that their jobs were really stressful at times. So the last thing you wanted was to be another source of stress for them. Which is why you didn’t tell them about the bullying

You were 11 when you just couldn’t take it anymore. You tried to deal with the situation on your own, you tried to fight your bullies who even started making fun of your dad’s being a couple

You tried not to let anyone’s words affect you but after so many years, you started to believe them too. And you began to bully yourself

You would tell yourself that your dad’s already had enough stress on their plates and that you were just a burden on them. You had started to mentally and physically beat yourself up

The bullies had started to use their quirks on you, resulting in bruises which you would hide with makeup that your Aunt Nemuri had gotten you since you started to develop acne

Since your dads would get home late, you had plenty of time to get home and cover up any wounds

One day, you just had enough

You decided that you were better off dead. You decided that you would take your own life after you got home and would leave a note before leaving the house so your dads wouldn’t have to deal with the body

Unknown to you, Aizawa had gotten a call from one of your teachers who was concerned about you. She had seen you fighting and decided to give Aizawa a call since your grades and overall performance had declined significantly

Aizawa had informed Hizashi of the call and they decided to go home early and wait for you. They believed that you were going through puberty and the hormonal changes were effecting your performance and were the cause

Imagine their surprise when you get home, covered in bruises, a busted lip that was still bleeding and a completely dead look in your eyes

Seeing their precious baby in such a state they immediately started to worry and begged you to talk to them

They had prepared your favorite food for dinner and even got you your favorite dessert as a treat. Seeing how sweet they were, you broke down and confessed your pain and your plan

Hizashi was balling his eyes out and wrapped you in his arms while Aizawa had clenched fists with tears in his eyes.

Aizawa made the call to your school demanding a talk with the principal and the parents of your bullies. While Aizawa was setting that up, Hizashi had you sit on the couch while he tended to your wounds, disinfecting them, cleaning them and bandaging them

He told you that he loves you even though you’re not his biological kid, you’re HIS little listener, his favorite kid in the whole world. He then picked you up and smothered you in hugs and kisses

Aizawa came back into the room and brought the food

That night, you guys are on the couch as you snuggled together under a blanket and watch your favorite movie

The next day, Aizawa and Hizashi dropped you off at UA with Nemuri, while they had a talk with your teachers and bullies. They decided that homeschooling would be the best for you right now since they want to make sure you heal mentally, physically and emotionally from this before you go back

They had told Nedzu what happened and he agreed that for the meantime, until you were mentally stable again, the safest bet would be to have you do your homeschooling at UA where you’ll be surrounded by people who can help you and prevent you from doing anything detrimental to yourself

Needless to say, they love you and you are their whole world and you’re the reason why they fight to come home. You’re their motivation and the reason they fight to protect

(I hoped this helps you and that you guys enjoy this)

[ghosts-bandwagon]

Hi, your last post about reader not knowing that it was sa, I saw that and I wanted to request something. What if reader knows that she have been through it but she mentions this as a joke, she says it and just keep going like she said something silly. How would the boys (141 + konig) react?

(I do this sometimes and I don’t like it, but it feels like some kind of copying mechanism)

I’m sorry if this was too much, do not feel that u need to write this.

Anyway, thank u so much and take care

Honestly I make out of pocket jokes about my own trauma all the time, so I feel this

tw: mentions of trauma, brief mentions of sexual assault- nothing graphic or descriptive, humor as a coping mechanism, comfort

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley:

Whiplashed so hard his neck is broken

“You bein’ serious?”

You explain what happened but you’re a little too blasé about it, he understands humor as a coping mechanism but this is a little serious

And by ‘a little’ I mean very

“Love, you can’t just drop a bomb like that.” He tries to soften his tone but his rage at what you’ve just told him is starting to seep through

He doesn’t realize he’s being a little hypocritical, we’ve all heard his “army humor” so he really doesn’t have a lot of room to talk. But the fact that it happened to you has blinded him to that fact. It’s not that you can’t make jokes, it’s that you shouldn’t have to because it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

He doesn’t even let you apologize before he’s pulling you into his arms, hands shaking, doing his best not to imagine what kind of sick fuck would do that to you

“Simon, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” His tone is firm and he’s refusing to let you go, so instead of arguing, you opted to melt into his embrace. Hands running up and down his back and as he’s kissing the crown of your head he’s wondering how worthwhile it’d be to give the fucker a visit. Maybe teach him a lesson or two.

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish:

Laughing with your joke at first but then it hits him like a ton of bricks

“Beg your pardon?”

You explain the joke and the context with a dismissive laugh before going back to what you were doing and he’s just frozen in place

Someone… hurt you… in one of the most awful ways imaginable, and you’re laughing it off?

He’s not sure if he should be in awe at your resilience or concerned at your choice of coping mechanism, so he takes a gentle approach

“Bonnie, you know you can talk to me, aye?”

“I know, I just… don’t want to burden you with it. I mean, it’s not like it’s your fault it happened.” He’s holding your hands in his, gently massaging the space between your thumb and your index finger,

“Aye that’s true, but it’s you. And I love you, good and bad included.” He gently held the back of your head and kissed your forehead,

“Anytime you feel like talkin’ I’m here. Copy?”

He doesn’t usually bring work jargon home but he knows it gets a laugh from you, and sure enough your little giggle proved him right

“Copy.”

John Price:

The whiplash also broke his neck

“Sorry, what?”

His heart broke when you explained yourself and whined that the explanation ruined the punchline

“Sweetheart, that’s no laughin’ matter.” His tone was gentle as he approached you, hands hesitantly coming to rest on your hips, suddenly unsure of himself

“Honey, I’m fine. It’s how I cope.”

“I know, and there’s nothin’ wrong with that. Just, maybe, talk to me about it instead, yeah?” One of his hands came up to cup your cheek and you closed your eyes and leaned into the warmth of his palm, trapping it between your cheek and your shoulder

“I don’t wanna be a downer, John.”

“Never. I’m more concerned for your well-being than bloody mood. Am I clear?” As you looked in his eyes, you saw nothing but honesty and genuine concern, so you nodded

You closed your eyes and kissed his palm before he pulled you in to a tight embrace.

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Gerrick:

He heard you say it and weakly laughs before stopping as he chews on the words a little more

“Wait, what was that?”

And when you’re passively explaining it to him in the same way you’d talk about the weather he is in shock

He’s not sure if you’re trying to put on a brave face if you’re as nonchalant as you seem. He’s inclined to believe it’s the former.

“Babe that’s no joke. That’s kind of serious.”

“Don’t sweat it, Kyle. It’s how I’ve dealt with it. I’ve got it.”

He’s unsure but at the same time if it’s really worked for you so far then there’s no harm in letting it continue right? Wrong. He’s a little uncomfortable but it’s more so because it happened to you, someone he loves so deeply and he can’t fathom the idea

“Well yeah, I get that. But maybe we can talk about it when you feel like joking about it?” He shrugs, his words cautious and carefully chosen as he makes his suggestion

“I just want you to be alright. Ok?” His arms are rubbing yours before he’s pulling you into a hug, “I’ll always be here for you, babe.”

König:

Not a single chuckle from this man as he’s chewing over the words in his head

“Schatz, what’d you just say?”

When you explained what happened with a shrug and an all too casual tone, he’s tasting iron in his mouth from how hard he’s biting his cheek

He doesn’t want you to think he’s angry at you, never in a million years, but jesus christ schatz, surely there’s no way?

It’s not that he doesn’t believe you, he just can’t believe it happened to you, you’re the light of his life, his reason for existing, you’re the morning sun and the midnight moon, he’s truly in shock

“König?” Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts and in two short steps he was in front of you, sinking to his knees and hugging your middle. He’s buried his face in your shoulder as your arms wrap around his shoulders and you run your fingers through his hair.

“Liebling, please don’t make those jokes anymore, ok?” His voice is so small and fragile, you almost felt like it was a child talking instead of the 6’ something behemoth at your feet, “I can’t stand to hear that you’ve been hurt like that.”

“König it’s ok, really. Humor is how I cope.” You kiss the crown of his head and your chin against it,

“I know, liebling, I know but I’d much rather you talk to me ok? Please? For me?”

[sh1gglypuff]

Why Do You Cry?

A short Kenma Kozume x Reader dedicated to every person with a strained relationship with their father for this Father’s Day

Caution, under cut: Depictions of strained relationship with father, depictions of guilt, depictions of trauma

˚ · .˚ ༘🦋⋆｡˚

“Happy Father’s Day to my best friend”

“Happy Father’s Day to the best dad in the world”

You held your phone tightly in your hand as you scrolled through your friends instagram stories. Why? Why did this day have to exist? You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream and cry and throw your phone across the room.

Kenma was out with his father today, having a lunch with just him. That made you feel even worse. You loved your boyfriend with everything in your heart, you were forever grateful that he had good relationships with both of his parents. You only wanted to see him be cared for. That didn’t stop you from being jealous.

You laid yourself further into the couch, pulling the blanket tighter to your body. You close your eyes and imagined getting a hug. A long and warm hug.

A tear slipped from the corner of your eye. You wanted nothing more than to have had grown up with a dad. You have a father, but not a dad. You wished that you had had that father figure in your life that wiped your tears, that supported you, that didn’t want you to be different, that loved you unconditionally. You closed your eyes tightly.

You open your eyes as you hear the door begin to open.

“I’m home!” Kenma announces. He sees you lying on the couch. You pull the blanket up over your eyes quickly. He crouched next to you, his face inches from yours with the blanket acting as a barrier. “Did you call your dad?” he asks, moving to pull the blanket down to see your face. Your grip remains tight as you shake your head.

Kenma understands, of course he understands. He knows you don’t have a relationship with your dad. He knows this day is hard. “Hey…” he starts. He goes to pull the blanket down and you let him. Your eyes are filled with tears, casting a glass over your eyes as he stares. “Baby…”

You cry, you cry as Kenma pulls you into his chest and strokes your hair. You felt guilty. You felt guilty for not calling your dad. You felt guilty for not having a relationship with your dad when some people’s father’s weren’t even around. Your dad had been there. Not emotionally but he was there. Didn’t that count for something?

You cried as Kenma pulls you up to sit on the couch with you. “Shhh…” he says softly into your hair. “It’s okay baby…” he whispers.

“This is the worst holiday,” you mutter into Kenma’s neck. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair…”

Your hot tears hit Kenma’s skin and his heart aches. “It isn’t fair. You deserve love. You deserve love in the way you wish to receive it. Love without any conditions.” You cry…and cry…and cry. He holds you, whispers words of affirmation and love into your ear.

Kenma holds you until your crying subsides. Kenma was always so gentle with you. “It’s okay to cry…” he reassures you.

The teenager in you hurts. The teenager in you needed to be told this desperately. The child in you is smiling warmly. Everything is so different from when you were young. You eventually stop crying, holding Kenma close to you.

“Do you want me to make you dinner tonight?” Kenma asks you. You nod against his neck. “Just know, I love you unconditionally always. You don’t need to feel guilty for growing up. You don’t need to feel guilty for cutting off your dad. You don’t owe anyone anything. It’s okay. It truly is okay.”

You hold him closer before letting go. You nod towards him, looking into his eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.”

[cmncisspnandmore]

One Night Stand Part 7

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley X Pregnant! Reader

Warnings: Medical drama, Fluff,

A/N: Hi loves, sorry for taking so long, i just moved into a new house and its been a lot. And honestly my mental health is trash. This part was also really hard to write for me because I had this happen to me. And i didnt realize how triggering it would be to write about it but the best way to get through the trauma is to write about it, right? maybe? no? well, anyways sorry if it sucks. i'll do better next time.

Word count: 1833...

New to the series? Catch up here: Part 6,

Your head pounded as you laid across the soft couch, each throb timed perfectly with the beating of your heart. There was no cuteness in pregnancy, not in your eyes at least. The glow that most women talked about was nothing more than a sheen of sweat that collected on your brow from your every move. There was a tiny human playing soccer with your organs, your ribcage the goal. They kicked wildly at the space below your ribs, the feeling enough to make you want to throw up. 

The past few days had been rough, you had a headache from hell and you just felt drained. Simon was concerned but you had chalked it up to the lingering cold you had going on. But now as you lay on the couch your stomach rolling with each passing moment you aren't so sure. Simon was on base today, having to complete some paperwork. He had woken you this morning, his lips peppering your face with soft kisses. 

He had tried to stay home but you had insisted he go, that you would be fine you would call if you needed him. Since he had left a few hours ago he had called you a few times, and you had reassured him each time that you were okay, you were just going to rest on the couch until he got home. You weren’t sure how long had passed since Simon had last called, but you had started to gradually feel worse. You push yourself up onto your elbows, and the world begins to spin around you. A wave of dizziness, crashing into you, as you blindly reach for your phone. 

You swallow trying to will yourself not to throw up. It takes you a few moments to find Simon's name in the phone, and putting it on speaker. It rings longer than normal but right before it goes to voicemail his panicked voice answers. “Hello? Y/n? What's wrong?”

“Simon… I… I don't feel good,” your voice shakes as you struggle to keep the phone in your hand. 

“Bloody hell, It’s alright Love, stay on the phone with me, i’m on my way,” there’s shuffling and the sound of boots hitting the floor in the background. “You’ll be okay, what's going on?”

“I have a headache… I'm nauseous, and I just don't feel good at all, I think something is really wrong,” you mumble, swaying slightly as you sit on the couch. 

“Okay, Love, do you have any swelling in your hands or feet?” The sound of Simon's truck revving filters through the phone. 

“Yeah a little,” You lean forward to the best of your ability and press on the top of your foot watching as your finger makes a light indent in the skin.

“Fuck..” Simon curses under his breath, “Love, go put your coat on, I’ll be there in a moment. Okay? We’re gonna go to the hospital.” 

“Simon?” you whisper, your voice shaking as you push yourself to stand, bracing yourself on the couch.

“Yeah love?”

“I’m scared…” you whisper, squeezing your eyes closed as tears threaten to spill down your cheeks. 

“I know, I'm pulling up now okay, I'm gonna hang up okay? I just parked the truck, I'm coming to get you.” Simon's voice cuts off as the line goes dead. You shuffle over to the coat rack and start to pull on your coat. Hot tears roll down your cheeks as you hold the coat closed around your stomach. A sharp pain under your ribs causing you to gasp, and brace your hands on the kitchen counter. 

The sound of heavy boots stops outside the door as Simon pushes into the apartment. He’s still wearing all his gear, his tight black t-shirt, his cargo pants and skull mask on. His brown eyes are full of concern as he walks towards you, his large hands resting on your hips. 

“C’mon Love lets get you checked out,” He whispers, pressing his lips to your forehead. Simon’s arms carefully pull you into him, resting your back against his chest as he guides you from the apartment and down to the car. Your mind feels cloudy and far away as Simon secures you into the truck. His hands brushing along your stomach as he fastens your seatbelt. You close your eyes focusing on the revving of the engine as Simon weaves the large black truck in and out of traffic. It was only moments later that it came to a screeching halt outside the A&E doors. He barely had the truck in park before he was jumping out and scooping you up in his arms. He cradles you against his chest as he bursts through the sliding glass doors.

“I need some help!” his voice is loud against your ear. The vibrations of it through his chest causing you to groan in pain. Each movement felt like it was sucking the soul out of you. Every breath hurt and you just wanted to sleep, but soon there were nurses and doctors swarming you. Each of them throws questions towards you, only to have Simon reply for you. 

“How far along is she?” a doctor asks as she shines a bright light in your eyes. 

“28 Weeks,” Simon's voice is laced with panic.

“Okay, let's get her up to Labor and Delivery people let's go! Someone call the NICU unit!” the on-call emergency room doctor calls out. It was like a swarm of bees, suddenly everyone was doing something. Someone was poking your arm with an IV while another was taking your blood pressure. You weren't sure whose hands belonged to who or what was going on. But after a few moments there was too much going on for your brain to process, and you passed out.

~~~~~

The beeping of the monitors was oddly familiar to you, like when you woke up after being caught in the stairwell after the apartment building you were living in caught fire. But this time there was an icy chill that ran down your spine when you heard it. The memories of what happened come flooding back.

Calling Simon, him rushing home, being rushed to A&E, the doctors concerned voice. The overwhelming sense of panic, and then nothing. You slowly pry our eyes open, fighting against the heaviness. The first thing you see is Simon's blonde hair, the wild strands sticking up at odd angles as it rests against the light blue hospital blanket. Your hand is trapped under his head. His cheek pressed firmly into the back of it. You wiggle your fingers slightly and he stirs. His head lifting, brown eyes blinking slowly as he came around. 

“Y/N?” He asks softly, his eyes meeting yours.

“Hi,” you croak softly, your throat dry and a little sore. 

“Oh god, baby, you scared me so much,” Simon whispers, his hands coming to cup your cheeks. He was still wearing his gear, minus his mask and vest, his black shirt slightly wrinkled. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your right hand moving reflexively to rest on your stomach. You pause, eyes widening as the once firm bump is now squishy and numb. The world seems to stop spinning, time slowing. Your heart wants to stop beating in your chest but it won't listen. 

 “N-No.” Your voice cracks, eyes welling with tears and a look of confusion crosses Simon's face before he looks at your right hand. 

“Oh! No, love, shhh stop it’s okay. The baby is okay.” He rushes out, grabbing your left hand in his. His face is full of concern, his brow furrowed as he watches you slightly relax. After a moment you let out a shaky breath.

“What happened?” You whisper, looking up at him, his hand still clutched tightly around yours.

“You had PreEclampsia, but a severe case of it called HELLP syndrome. I’m not entirely sure what it means but they said the only way to save your life was to deliver the baby. So they performed an emergency C-Section and had to give you a blood transfusion. The baby is okay, they’re in the NICU. I haven't been able to see them yet, but a nurse came about an hour ago and said that they were fighting like crazy and we should be able to see them soon.” He explains, his brown eyes welling with tears. 

His voice is rough and strained, “I thought I was gonna lose you both.”

Hot tears well in your eyes as he admits his fear. A man as big and strong as Simon looked so small at that moment. He looked like a lost child who couldn't find home. The brave soldier who willingly ran into warzones and fought people with his bare hands had never looked so helpless. It was in this rare moment that you got to see the person behind the hardened soldier. The man who truly thought he was going to lose the person he cared about, and his child. Your heart ached for him, you wished you could take the worry and pain he had felt away but you couldn't. 

Fresh tears spilled down your cheeks, he must've been so scared, felt so hopeless. He was usually able to control some aspect of the situations he was in. He could fight his way out of the worst scenarios, he could plan an escape, and he was always prepared for things if they went south. But he wasn't able to fix you, he had been completely helpless as Doctors worked to save not only your life but that of his unborn child. 

“Oh baby, don't cry,” Simon's thumb strokes the skin under your cheek as he wipes away your tears. 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” you whisper, voice tight.

“It's not your fault, i’m just glad you're both okay.” He whispers, leaning forward and brushing his lips against your cheek.

“Tell me about the baby,” you blink away the rest of the tears, taking a steadying breath.

“It’s a girl, she weighs 1lb 2oz, and she's so small i don't even think she’d fill my entire palm. They aren't sure entirely what her future looks like, but the nurse that came in to check on you said she was a fighter, and she felt really good about her outcome.” He smiles, his brown eyes filled with pride as he talks about his daughter.

A daughter.

You had a daughter now.

The thought alone was crazy to you, you had been so sure the entire time it was a boy. You had a gut feeling but you were wrong, and you weren’t unhappy about it. You didn't care either way, the only thing you cared about was that they were okay.  That they would pull through everything and you would get to bring them home eventually. 

There's a soft knock on the door and a nurse with red hair pokes her head in. 

“Hi, do you two wanna go meet your daughter?”

Next Part: Part 8

Taglist: @coffeeandtealol, @natashamea18, @itsmytimetoodream @humanities-cutest @ajrfanz @jggykhug09090 @dedicateeverythingtomilkshake @ashreblogsnow

[soldatshandler]

Winter Soldier Post!HYDRA Headcannons

a/n: I was writing something earlier and it made me want to write this. It's just a random collection of headcannons I have. You bring him home after he escapes HYDRA. You have your hands full.

warnings: Bucky is still the Winter Soldier, PTSD, post abuse (physical, psychological), past SA and mentions of treatment for it, light descriptions of injuries/wounds, medical stuff. Overall angsty hurt/comfort. Recovery things. Did not edit <3

Following the events of the movies, let's pretend you bring Bucky home after CATWS. He's still the soldier. He's still Soldat. And Soldat doesn't speak. In fact he is silent for days. Uttering nothing, not a peep.

Soldat is silent, watchful, wary. He doesn't like being approached too quick. He stays in corners. He stays in small spaces. Being too exposed now makes him feel anxious. He reacts with aggression if he is anxious.

You learn all this.

He also becomes visibly irritated when he feels confused and stressed, which is pretty much constantly.

He needs you to order him around, which sounds harsh but the sudden change of environment and treatment is really confusing for him. He is too fresh from HYDRA to immediately just heal. That's now how it works. This kind of trauma doesn't just go away. This man is so severely mistreated, you aren't even sure where to start.

Simple things like telling him to shower or sleep. Otherwise he stays up for days and refuses to do anything. Free will is such a foreign concept to him.

Re-feeding and giving him nutrients and fluids is a nightmare. Luckily, you had a medic friend who could look at him without the involvement of the government since he was in hiding for now. You got all the supplies you needed, but it was still a hassle. His options were very limited when it came to food. Oatmeal, mashed potatoes, applesauce, things like that. He could barely stomach anything more solid than that.

He sits still for the IVs, but sometimes he doesn't and he puts up a struggle, assuming it is some kind of drug to manipulate him. You just have to stay close and talk to him so he pays more attention to you than what your friend is doing.

He got sick a lot. You had to be careful about that. Too much food made him sick, his body wasn't used to it.

He also was having difficulty remembering you and where he was, the fact that he wasn't undergoing constant brainwashing made all the chemicals go haywire. It made his moods unpredictable. He had aggressive bouts, though he never harmed you badly, he would grab you if you got too close out of instinct and fear.

He often broke down and during these times it was a gamble whether or not he'd let you around him. He felt so pathetic and small and horrible, confused and unsure for the first time in decades. He was used to being mindless besides the orders barked at him. Simple, easy, all he had to do was listen.

But now, things were different. He was no longer being kept in a shitty cell or in an icebox. He wasn't tortured daily, he wasn't taken into rooms where agents were greedy with him. He wasn't hurt. And...it confused him even more.

You notice he sits strange when he does. He doesn't like to sit for long. He says it hurts. He prefers to stand. You don't understand until later, and you do your best to help ease his pain.

He didn't understand why you didn't hurt him. Why you didn't hit him. Sometimes he hit himself when he felt like he deserved it, each time he felt a pit in his stomach when he saw the disapproving look in your eye and listened to the scold that came after. You were gentle...but firm. He could not hurt himself. That made him bad. Disobedient. Disobedient soldiers are punished. It was a cruel cycle that ran in his mind. You had to be the one to stop it.

When he did speak, it was simple Russian phrases. Yes, no, he addressed you as handler, his responses were monotone and recited. He had been trained not to speak. That wasn't what he was supposed to do with his mou-

Enough. The memories are invading again.

You could tell when he zoned out into his episodes, his eyes became glossy and he seemed to become a zombie. You sat him down somewhere quiet and stayed with him. Sometimes he didn't want to be touched, sometimes he let you. But you had to be careful, you never wanted him to be uncomfortable or make things worse.

It was a tender thing. But it was something you were more than happy doing.

After a few weeks he seeks you out more often. He stays close by, he even sits close to you or tries to get your attention. He's still quiet, but he speaks more now. Even in english, which you find a relief. By you you've learned the short Russian phrases he spoke, but it was good he spoke english too.

He starts to hang closer to you, he stays out of his 'hiding spots' in your home and stays around you more often. He sits on the couch beside you, starting to seek you out. It's a positive sign he's growing more comfortable.

He doesn't like being alone for very long. If you have a job, it might be hard for him. You try to get one where you can work from home, otherwise he is very anxious and clingy when you come home from your shift.

The spare bedroom is his, but he often finds himself migrating to your bedroom through the night. He needs your presence, he needs to know he's not alone. The silence is deafening, and knowing your body is beside him is comforting when he sleeps.

Speaking of, he starts off on the floor. It's a little heartbreaking, he sees the bed as a test, an awkward thing he doesn't want to sleep in. So he starts on the floor, then you move the mattress off the bed to the floor, along with some pillows and blankets. That seemed to help condition him to an actual bed before he eventually sleeps in yours with you.

You know recovery and his healing is going to be a long, bumpy road, but you are just happy he sees you as protection and comfort, and his trust is slowly building with you.

Thanks for reading.

Dividers by @/strangergraphics

[fishsticksloser]

hiii uh. i can’t remember if i’ve sent this in before, but- could you write headcanons for the rottmnt boys (separately) where reader (gn) sacrifices themselves to the prison dimension instead of leo??

Trading Places

RotTMNT x gn!reader

Warnings: Kraang, trauma, angst, panic/anxiety attack, no comfort, not written as hcs

A/N: I've put this one off for way too long... Not that I didn't wanna do it, I just have had way too many thoughts about it.

Donnie

He looked up at the Technodrome, his heart racing. He wished he could do more, but there was no way back up there. No way back to you.

"Casey, I'll keep him up here, close the portal." He heard your voice come over coms, his heart sinking.

No. No no no no no no no no...

He feels his chest tighten. His hand moving to his plastron. Sinking to his knees as he tries to catch his breath.

"But—" Casey tries.

"Just do it. It's the only way!" You snap back, your tone is sharp, not allowing anyone to object further.

Donnie watches, unable to breathe, unable to move as the portal closes. Locking you in the prison dimension with Kraang. Everything is muffled as Raph tries to get Donnie's attention, trying to get him up, and receive medical attention.

But Donnie doesn't feel anything, he doesn't move.

He's so... Numb.

Numbly starting at the sky where you disappeared, so far from him.

Now he feels nothing but the cold.

Leo

The katanas fall from Leo's hands, both of you keeping Kraang unaware. Leo was scared, but he kept it up. For you, for his family, for everyone.

"Casey now!" Leo grunts as Kraang's metal fist connects with his face. "Now, Casey!"

You watch the portal start to close and you shove Leo out, Kraang tries to follow, but you manage to hold him back.

Leo falls, staring at you in shock, he can't do anything, continuing to fall as he sees the edge of the portal pass him. Falling as he watches Kraang hit you. Falling as he processes that fact that you're gone.

The portal closes, Raph catching him before he could hit the water.

He doesn't move.

He doesn't speak.

He was angry, he felt betrayed.

You couldn't do that. It's not fair. You're not supposed to leave.

He still needs you.

Mikey

"Casey, please!" He hears you say though the coms. His heart pounds in his ears, Casey tries to stop you, tries to reason with you. But Mikey can't think, he can't say anything.

Why are you doing this?

You can't leave...

Don't leave me...

The watches helplessly as the portal closes, falling to his knees, no words, no sounds coming from him. Tears fall, unable to hear his brothers as they talk to him, trying to get him up.

Eventually Raph just scoops Mikey up. Donnie and Leo share glances as Mikey lays limply in Raph's arms.

Raph

No... No no no...

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This wasn't the plan...

If anyone was supposed to get locked in the prison dimension, it was him. Not you...

It was never supposed to be you...

If he had it his way, you wouldn't be anywhere close to the fight. But no... No no no no no... You couldn't stay back and watch...

He watches the portal close, looking helplessly. His heart aches, his vision blurring with tears. It's brothers gently tug at him, wanting to get him home, to get him somewhere safe to get his wounds taken care of, but he's too big.

Since they can't move him, they gently place themselves next to him and lean on him, hoping to offer some comfort to bring him back.

[starboye]

pairing: nick nelson x male reader

summary: did nick really ever love you and charlie or was it just some sick game

warnings: angst, crying, breaking up, cursing, mentions of smut, happy ending for nick and charlie

"ch-charlie wait" nick stammers trying to explain the situation as he jumps out of bed and messily puts on his pants and shirt "no I dont want to hear it nick" charlies says walking out of the party with tears running down his face "charlie just listen to us" you yell out "NO... I thought of you as a friend y/n, and nick I really thought you were gonna be different but turns out you're no different then ben" charlies brokenly says holding back from crying his eyes out.

"what's happening here" tao asks walking out of the house to confront the ruckus "nothing tao go back inside" nick says pushing him away "no what's going on" tao questions stepping over to charlie to consult him "I just wanna go home" charlie brushes the situation off to get tao to calm down "okay ill walk you home" tao says giving you and nick the stink eye before walking away.

"shit shit shit" nick says beating himself up internally "this is all your fault" he says obviously heart broken "I did nothing, you were the one that wanted me so badly" you retort "fuck this" nick curses before he begins walking home, after that day you, nick, and charlie barely spoke to one another, aside from nick trying his hardest to get charlie to have a talk with him but charlie denied the request every time.

no matter how many apology letters nick sent in the mail or the abundant amount of flowers he bought charlie never gave him the time of day, not wanting to get roped back into false feelings for nick "I should've just listened to tao and dropped that stupid crush" charlie thought to himself everyday when he saw the gifts left by nick, and you tried to settle things with charlie but how could he when you slept with nick the love of his life.

and nick had shown up at your door a few times, wanting you to just hold him and tell him everything is gonna work out but you knew that one; it was gonna turn into you too fucking ac is your room or two; nick trauma dumping on you the whole night, but you still took the risk, you let him in and in the end you fell for it, a simple hug that turned into a kiss which turned into all night fucking, but you couldn't stop, you felt yourself falling for nick, the same guy you said was just a hook up.

you knew nick wanted you and you wanted nick but he was meant for charlie so the next time he came to your house in need of a shoulder to cry on you had to stop him "nick we can't do this anymore" you say stopping him from coming in "what, why" nick says furrowing his eyebrows "because i don't wanna get roped into you sick web anymore" you say folding your arms.

"but i love you" nick says with a plea "no you don't love me you love the idea of me, you love that i could ride your dick without a second thought or i could make you feel sexual things that you've never felt before but you never loved me for me" you say as a tear drops from your eyes "y/n please i need you right now" nick begs now.

"no what you need to do is go fix your broken relationship with your boyfriend" you say before closing the door, nick watched as the door close and felt your harsh but true words sink into his mind and he did exactly what you said, he went to charlies house and poured his heart out to him, every word hitting charlie deep in the heart.

"i do love you charlie but i just think there's some things we need to work on if we want this to last" nick ended off the speech looking away in embarrassment, charlie stood shocked for a couple seconds before quickly wrapping his arms around nick, hugging him tightly and telling nick he loves him too.

the next time you saw them charlie was wrapped around nicks arm comfortably, and it hurt you a little bit seeing the man you grew feeling for ended up going back to his ex but you knew iit was the best for them, if they didn't get back together you knew it would've been all your fault for the sadness that would've ensued, but that didn't matter now, you loved that your friends were finally happy

taglist: @mailmango @ghostking4m @spermeboy

[acaciusbride]

Breathe Through It (Joel Miller x Reader)

Summary: you have a panic attack. Joel helps.

CWs: Descriptions of mental health conditions (namely PTSD, but can be read as any anxiety based disorder with panic attacks) / graphic description of a panic attack / some adult language/ references to past trauma (nothing explicitly described but inferred).

Notes: This is entirely self indulgent, I have pretty severe PTSD and this is the coping mechanism of the day. Implied to be F!Reader but it can be read as gender neutral.

Word Count: 1.1k

Tag List: @joelsgirl & @mydailyhyperfixations

You don't feel it happen until it does. You've heard that for some people, their panic attacks build up, like the world's shittiest tidal wave, steadily looming over them.

Yours aren't like that. You'll be fine one minute, then something will trigger it. A sound. A place. A thought. Someone with a similar sounding name. A nightmare.

You get less than ten seconds warning, if you're lucky, before it hits you like a tonne of bricks and you freeze. It doesn't matter where you are, what you're doing, your chest constricts and you get tunnel vision. It's like you're a spectator in your own body, dissociated so hard you can't tell left from right.

The worst thing is when you lose your ability to speak. It doesn't happen every time, but when it does it's like someone's squeezing sand down your throat, completely taking away your ability to ask for help. As if you even could. You hate drawing attention to yourself at the best of times, let alone when you're so vulnerable.

Which is why it's annoyingly inconvenient that this is happening now. You haven't exactly been hiding your panic attacks from Joel, but you haven't directly talked about it with him. You know he has his own problems, far more trauma than he lets on. You know it isn't a competition, but you don't want to burden him with your anxiety.

Deep down, you know that it wouldn't be a burden. That he loves you, but it's hard to remember that when trauma brain is the one at the wheel.

You're not sure what it is this time. You're just walking through town with him, heading home after a drink, after a shift on the guard tower together, when someone, of all things, laughs. The laugh isn't quite right, but it sounds close enough that you freeze up, breath catching in your throat. Fuck, you're maybe ten feet from home. Why now?

Joel gets maybe two steps ahead of you before he realises you're no longer keeping pace, turns to say something, maybe crack a joke about you being a lightweight, but the comment dies on his lips the moment he sees your expression.

Most people think you just space out. Think it's a personality quirk or just a thing that you do. Joel knows better. He knows better because Ellie's described what he looks like when he has a panic attack, recognises when he's about to have one these days.

So it's immediately fucking clear as day to him what's happening.

He doesn't bother asking what's set it off; knows that there isn't always a clear answer, and that even asking, reminding you of the trigger, could just make it worse.

Joel hates being touched when he's having an episode of his own. Knows it triggers his fight response, that he'll start swinging. He doesn't think that will apply to you, but he doesn't know for certain, and that's all that keeps him from wrapping his arms tight around you.

Instead, he takes you by the hand, leads you the last few steps to the house, closes the door behind you, flips the light on.

"'S okay. Look, we're good. Door's closed. Nobody's coming after us."

You can barely hear him, heart pounding in your ears, breaths coming out ragged like you've just run a marathon.

"Hey. Hey. If you can, look at me, okay?"

He doesn't sound angry, or tired, and it's not a demand. This voice is the one he uses when Ellie's sick, or you're sick, or when he's reassuring one of the kids in town that he's not remotely mad that they stole an extra slice of pie when he was meant to be on food watch duty.

Joel is always soft spoken, but this is different. It makes you feel safe, not enough to pull you out of it, because that's not how it works, but safe enough to look at him, to focus as best you can on the dark depths of his eyes.

"There you are." He goes to let go of your hand but you cling on to him, slump against his chest, needing the warmth and solidness of him to ground you.

That's all the permission he needs, wrapping his arms tight around you.

"I've got you. You're safe, I promise."

You know that. Deep down, you know that the people who hurt you are far away. That they'll never touch you, control you, hurt you, ever again. You know that you're safe here, in this house, with Joel.

He rubs soothing circles on your back, kisses the top of your head, relieved when you start breathing properly again, coming down from the adrenaline.

"You don't need to hide these from me, darlin', I know how they feel."

"That's why I didn't want you to deal with it." You manage to get out; your throat is dry as hell, the guilt already forming.

"Deal with it? What, like it's a big issue? I'd rather be able to help. That's what I'm here for. We do this together, remember?"

"But it's..."

"Nothing. Don't you dare call yourself a burden or anything similar. You've been through so much. Ain't a competition. But you've gotta let me in, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?" You hate how small your voice is, how distant you still feel. Even if the worst is over, you'll still feel horrible for a few more hours, trapped by your own thoughts.

"I promise. Breathe through it, baby. I'm not going anywhere. We can stay here all night if it helps you feel safe."

You exhale. You do feel safer, standing there with his arms locked around you.

"Will it always be like this?" You hate yourself for asking, but you know he's been dealing with these a lot longer than you have.

"Yes and no," Joel says finally. "You learn to sit with them. They don't suck any less, they're still fuckin' horrible, but you get your support, and you'll learn to sit with them."

You nod against his chest, finally feeling a little better. At least better enough that it doesn't feel like your limbs are full of cement.

"What can I do to help?"

You consider for a minute. "Can we have coffee? Maybe take a shower?"

You always feel a cold sweat come over you after the worst of it passes. Joel nods, gives you one last reassuring squeeze.

"Course we can. Whatever you need, darlin', I'm always gonna be here for you."

He lets go of you to move to the kitchen, but keeps hold of your hand, knows without asking that you still need the reassurance of touch.

"Hey, Joel?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you."

"Love you too, baby. C'mon, let me take care of you."

It's not a miracle cure. No such thing exists, after all, but having someone who loves you so much, who you know will support you through it? It makes all the difference in the world.

[lavendertom]

The Neighbor Across the Street pt. 3

Mike Schmidt x Babysitter!f!Reader

part 1, part 2, part 4, part 5, part 6

wc: 2.4k

warnings: mentions of garrett’s kidnapping + mikes trauma from that, fluff, tiny age gap barely mentioned (as always, lmk if there’s anything i’ve missed)

summary: the neighbor across the street needs a babysitter, so you take the job, not knowing what’s in store for you as you grow closer to the siblings. AU where nothing bad happens at the pizzeria

quick note, as mentioned this is an AU, but mikes trauma is still there from garrett’s kidnapping but i won’t go down the wormhole of lore for this bc that’s not necessarily why i’m writing this

——————————————————————————

The cool breeze of a spring afternoon could be felt as you made your way to the Schmidt’s house. It was a Saturday and technically you weren’t supposed to be at their house today.

Abby was found knocking on your front door just a few minutes earlier, asking if you could come over and play outside with her. You had a good feeling she’d been asking Mike all day, but he refused to call you and ask himself because you’d “probably be busy with school work.” So, the young girl took it upon herself to ask.

“Mike got me a huge box of sidewalk chalk we can draw with.” Abby told you as you walked to the house together. “I also have a bicycle, we can go on a bike ride together! Well, not you, you’re too big for my bike. But you can walk.”

You smiled at yourself, hearing the girl talk and talk about all of the things she was excited to do with you.

“Abby, what’d I say about going to y/n’s house?” you could hear Mike say when you reached the outside of their garage. He looked like he was cleaning some shelves full of random tools.

“She said she wasn’t busy!” Abby said, defending herself.

“It’s okay, I didn’t have much homework this weekend. Anything for my favorite neighbor.” you said in the midst of doing the handshake you and Abby made up one time while you were babysitting after her.

“I thought I was your favorite?” Mike said, pretending to sound offended.

“My second favorite. Get it right.” you said with a small smirk.

Before you could continue conversing with him, Abby dragged you by the wrist with a box of chalk in her other arm.

The two of you combined ended up drawing enough pictures to fill up a majority of the driveway. Granted it wasn’t long, but you ended up making a masterpiece out of the broken up concrete.

“It looks like your room threw up on the driveway, Abby.” Mike said walking out of the garage to assess the damage that was done.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Abby said grinning.

“Yeah, when’s it going to rain again? Or I can just grab the hose and–”

“Be nice!” you said, playfully hitting his arm.

“I want to go on a bike ride now!” Abby said as she ran to pull her bike out of the corner of the garage. She had a habit of quickly moving on from one activity to the next with little room in between.

“I’ll go with her.” you said with a smile.

“I’ll come too.” Mike said, already closing the garage door behind him before you could object and say something like “You need a break, go rest.” Abby already made her way down the drive way, riding towards the sidewalk.

“It’s nice out today.” you said in an attempt to make small talk as you guys followed behind Abby. You guys haven’t spoken much since that night he returned home from his first night shift. You’ll never know what compelled you to give him that hug and what compelled him to give you one in return before you left.

“Yeah, I was finally able to get some stuff done outside today.”

“That’s good.” you were taking in the sounds of the birds chirping, some trees were finally blossoming again after the weather started warming up a bit. After a few seconds of comfortable silence you spoke up, “How’s the job been?”

“As good as a night shift job can be.”

“You getting much sleep lately?” His eyes still looked tired as the day you first saw them, if not more.

“When have I ever.” he paused for a moment, not sure if he was ready to enter this conversation with you. “Sleep has never come easy for me.”

“You can say that again.” you said with a small chuckle.

“Has your mom told you much about our situation?” he said at a slightly softer volume than earlier.

“Not really.”

He took a deep breath before he began talking. “When I was about 12 years old, I had a little brother. His name was Garret. He was taken and we never found him. I was there when it happened.” he stopped for a moment, you looked at him and saw the hurt in his face. “I still have nightmares, every night. I just wish there was something I could’ve done. Anything.”

“I’m so sorry Mike.” you said quietly, you were shocked. You never knew the reasons why this family had it so hard, it made you feel almost guilty that you didn’t take the time to know them earlier. Neither of them asked to be put in this situation.

“It’s okay. It’s just hard thinking back on it. I feel like it’s my fault. Parents told me I needed to watch him. I let this happen.” he was fidgeting with his thumbs, taking in a deep breath. “Anyways, mom died a little after Abby was born, dad died not long after. I had no other choice but to take custody of Abby and become her guardian.”

Everything made sense to you now. Mike had his hands full all of the time and not by choice. No wonder he was always working.

“Are you doing any better now?” you asked.

“The nightmares are still there. I don’t think they’ll ever go away, but I put on a brave face for Abby. She knows very little about Garret, kind of want to keep it that way.”

“I understand.” you said looking down at the pavement beneath your feet. “Thanks for telling me this by the way.”

“You were going to find out one way or another. Better talk about it now than later.” the two of you looked ahead and saw Abby stopped at a street corner.

“You guys are too slow!” she shouted.

“We’re coming!” you shouted back. “If it means anything to you, you’re doing a hell of a good job. She cares about you.” you smiled softly, looking over at him.

“I hope so. Doesn’t seem like it sometimes. She’s a pain in the ass when you’re not around.” he mumbled.

“Really?” you asked, genuinely surprised. “She talks about you like you’re her entire world when I babysit.” The two instantly remembered what the girl had said to Y/n that one night, Y/n not knowing Mike heard all about it the next day.

“You would be a good princess for Mike.”

“Give her some time, she’ll open up to you one day.” you said reassuringly.

The rest of the walk you guys talked about random things. You told him all about your college courses which he found incredibly interesting, although not understanding much about what they entailed. He told you about some of his craziest encounters when he was a mall security guard. The two of you laughed so hard over one of them you almost tripped over the uneven pavement, making you guys laugh even harder.

When you finally returned to his house it was beginning to get dark out. Abby somehow was not tired one bit, despite having ridden her bike for almost 45 minutes.

“I promised Abs I’d let her make s’mores tonight. You can join us.” he said putting his hands in his pockets. It was starting to get cooler out as the sun set. “If you want.” he added at the last second.

“Sure, why not.” you had enjoyed getting to know him better, you didn’t really want to go home yet anyways. “I’m just gonna run home real quick to grab a hoodie, it’s getting co-“

“You can just borrow one of mine.” he interrupted.

“You sure? It’s not that big of a deal I can just run inside real quick.” your heart racing at the thought of him letting you wear one of his hoodies. He’s just being nice you reassured yourself, nothing more.

“Y/n, it’s fine.” he said with a chuckle. “You can go through the gate on the side of the house, Abby’s probably already back there.”

He went through the front door as you walked to the back of the house, and sure enough Abby was already back there placing a handful of s’mores supplies on a little table on the back porch of the house.

“You’re staying for s’mores, Y/n?” Abby asked, excitement beginning to fill her.

“Yeah.” you said smiling. You saw a stack of camping chairs leaning against the house. “Wanna help me grab the chairs?”

The two of you grabbed the chairs, placing them around the campfire pit. You heard the door open and saw Mike stepping out holding hoodies for both you and Abby.

He handed you one, you gave him a tight lipped smile after thanking him. You slipped it over your head, it was just slightly oversized on you. It smelled just like he did the night you gave him the hug, you thought you’d never get over that scent. Your hands were tucked into the pocket of it as you took a seat on one of the chairs, waiting for Mike to finish starting the fire.

“Okay Abs please don’t burn every single marshmallow this time, I want Y/n to actually have an edible s’more.” Mike said looking over at his sister who was already putting far too many marshmallows on a long stick.

Mike sat on the chair next to you. The moment felt peaceful as Abby skipped over holding a stick with marshmallows, holding it over the fire. You watched as Abby toasted the marshmallows, trying her hardest not to turn them all to charcoal. The sun had finally set and the sky was clear, the stars becoming more visible. You noticed Mike was looking up at the sky.

“Have you ever seen a shooting star before?” you asked, both of you now looking up.

“No, have you?” Mike replied.

“A few. When I was a kid, I used to sit out back and just watch the sky until I’d see one. I ended up being able to see a few because of the insane amount of time I’d be out there.” you were still looking up.

Mike turned his attention from the sky to you, watching how your lips formed the smallest of smiles as you spoke. He watched the way your eyes lit up from talking about something so important to you. He felt himself begin to smile, too.

You kept talking, not realizing that he wasn’t looking up at the sky anymore. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, not when your face lit up with joy from just talking about something as simple as the stars. The way it seemed like your hair fell just perfectly and his hoodie seemed to fit you just right didn’t help the situation either.

You finally turned your head back to him realizing he had been looking at you the whole time, a small smile still on his face.

“What?” you said with a nervous laugh.

“Nothing.” he said with a smile, shaking his head slightly as he turned his attention back to the sky.

“Here’s your s’more, Y/n!” Abby said as she suddenly popped up next to you. You almost forgot she was even with you guys anymore, her focus was entirely on making the most yummy s’mores. That left little time for her to ask you all of her usual questions.

“Thanks Abby.” you said, smiling at her as she handed you a messy s’more. She ran back to grab another one, handing it to Mike.

“Thanks Abs.” he said, giving his sister a side hug before she could run away again to grab her own s’more.

The three of you spent the rest of the night snaking on many more s’mores and talking more about the stars until Abby fell asleep in her small camping chair. The fire was dimming, barely alive anymore. You and Mike continued watching the sky, pointing out constellations and attempting to see a shooting star with no luck.

“I should probably take Abby to bed.” Mike said as he stood up, making his way towards Abby. He picked up his little sister as gently as possible making sure not to wake her.

“Yeah I should probably head home now.” you said also standing up. You grabbed the chairs you all used to put them back where you found them.

“Thanks, Y/n. You didn’t have to.” he said as he made his way to the back door.

“No problem. The least I could do after those s’mores Abby made.” you smiled.

You followed him into the house as he walked towards the front door, Abby still peacefully asleep in his arms. He slowly opened the front door for you.

“See you Monday?” he asked.

“Yup.” you replied, and before you knew it he pulled you into a side hug. His two favorite people were in his arms now and he didn’t want it any other way.

“Have a good night, Y/n.”

“You too, Mike.” as you pulled away from his embrace, you put a hand on Abby’s shoulder. You gave the two a small smile which he returned as you walked out of the door.

And you bet he stood there until you were across the street, just like he did every other time you left their house.

When you returned home to your bedroom, which was still decorated like it was when you were 13, you felt warm inside. A different type of warm inside, the feeling you have when you care about someone so much and they care just as much back. All you wanted to do was make sure he knew you cared for him and Abby so much.

You looked at your bulletin board next to your door that had a photo of you and Abby from one of the first times you babysat her. She begged you to bring your polaroid camera and she took advantage of it, snapping all sorts of photos of you and her.

It wasn’t until you saw the photo that you realized you were still wearing Mikes hoodie he lent you. You looked in the mirror next to your door, admiring the hoodie. It wasn’t anything special, just a plain black hoodie, but it felt special. You were determined to continue changing their lives. Making sure their days were brighter, months filled with more happy days than sad ones.

You crawled into bed, too tired to take off the hoodie. You took in the smell of it one last time before you drifted off to sleep thinking about the memories you made today, hoping you’d never forget them.

——————————————————————————

jules jewels (tag list! lmk if u want to be added or removed 🤗)

@balesita @universi8 @browneyedgirly93 @prongsprincessworld @k3nnlolz @mxrvelouss

[moonlightazriel]

Chapter 14: Into the lion's den /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: Y/N enters Koschei's lair and finally confirms some suspicions

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Again mentions of trauma and grief.

Notes: I'm so glad that I have almost all the chapters written cuz my fingers are fucking useless now and I can't write 🙄

Main Masterlist

Worlds Apart Masterlist

The dark living room was immediately illuminated by faelights, papers scattered around the table, potions and a liquid simmering in a cauldron near the fire. She scrunched her nose at the rotten smell. A screeching, like a trapped creature sounded somewhere behind the closed doors that led to the basement, she shivered thinking what could be suffering in his hands. 

Drawings adorned the walls, receipts and terrifying creatures. Her breath hitched as she recognized the circle with wyrd marks used to summon the ridderak. This was even more scary than Baba Yellowleg’s tent, the Matron would send her there regularly to check on the older witch and her home always made her bones cold. 

“So..” He cleared his throat, those golden eyes turned to her direction, pinning her in place. “Tell me what. What troubles your heart?” He once again extended his hand and she quietly placed it onto his.

Mantyx almost gasped with the swirling of emotions that hit him when he touched her skin. Anger, hatred, pain, grief, pain was what burned brighter in that array of feelings that clouded her mind. He tried to take a look but he was met with a wall made of pure steel, unbreakable, unbendable and impenetrable. 

But another thing caught his attention, singing beautifully to no one hear, a mating bond stood, he had learned everything about it in the years he was trapped there. A bond shared by two people that was stronger than everything, once the bond was accepted nothing could break it. He tugged at the string lightly, watching closely as she startled, her free hand flying to her heart. She didn’t understand what this was. 

Near that cabin, a worried shadowsinger yelped in surprise as he felt a tug in his chest, like someone was pulling a string tied to his soul. Lucien looked at him with a raised eyebrow, asking him if he was alright. Azriel just shook his head, hand rubbing circles in his chest, in a soothing manner. His eyes focused back on the cabin door, he wanted to go there and kick it down, rescuing her but he knew he couldn’t.

“I see that you lost someone very important to you.” He pointed it out, going for the easiest approach, usually wasn’t hard to know what troubled people, they were too simple to read, always thinking they were good at hiding their emotions and thinking of him as a god for being able to read them like a cooking book. 

“I lost everything.” She quietly replied, Y/N never really opened up to anyone after the war, just brushing their concerns off and focusing on her work to suffocate those drowning feelings. “I lost my sister, the only person that truly loved me, I couldn't even say goodbye. I lost my way, I lost myself after she was gone, and I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to what I was.” 

Mantyx looked at her, the despair pungent on the tip of his tongue. The shadows in her eyes darkened as she frowned, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. He took a deep breath, feeling all of her negative emotions fill the void in his chest, he had to suppress a smirk at it, he fed from negative emotions, draining them and leaving the person numb. 

“You can’t ever go back, all you can do is keep  going and adapt to the change.” He offered and she scoffed. 

“I would give anything, do anything to get her back.” Mantyx approached her. It was like the light couldn’t reach it, being sucked into a black hole, not reflecting. If it wasn’t for his proximity she wouldn't even have noticed. 

But there it was, resting with an unsettling melody, the wyrd key that opened the gate atop Ramiel, what she needed to get home. She couldn't risk getting it just now, or else he would kill her and all of their efforts would be useless. 

“What if I told you that I can bring her back?” He offered and her eyes lifted from the key to his gold orbs. She never knew about the extent of the other Kings powers, if Erawan was that powerful she imagined how powerful Mantyx and Orcus would be.

“You can do it?” She inquired, doubt  started to coat her thoughts, she missed Asterin, what if she could see her one last time, or even better, get her back fully? 

“You just need to do me a simple favor in return.” She closed her eyes, that was the only way. She shook her head in agreement. 

“What do you need?” She opened her eyes, determination burning in that gaze. “I’ll do anything.” 

“Bring me Nesta Archeron.” He said and she nodded, Mantyx smiled. His hand extended towards the door that slowly opened to reveal the green island he lived in. “I’ll be waiting for your return.”

Y/N bowed to him, her eyes tracing the key that moved up and down with each breath he gave. She turned around, slowly walking outside, she could still feel his eyes on her when she crossed the bridge, so she didn’t dare to look to where she knew they would be, she kept walking forward until her frame disappeared from his line of sight. Just then she let out the breath she was holding. 

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Azriel and the others reached her halfway back to the Manor, she hadn't even noticed she had walked so much, her tensed muscles and shivering body were the only indications of the fear she had felt alone in that cabin. Azriel touched her arm, making her spin in her heels, collapsing against his chest. Shuddering breaths left her lips as she tried to calm herself. 

“Did he hurt you?” She shook her head and Azriel breathed with relief, his shadows moved around her in a protecting way, ready to strike at anyone who dared get too close to her. 

“We should go back, we don’t know what is lurking around in those woods.” Lucien advised, also worried about the fragile form that clung to Azriel for dear life. 

They all started to head back, being surprised by the giant wyvern baring his teeth at them, poison dripping from his fangs, he looked anxious, like he felt all of her distress through the connection he shared with his rider, and by the way she pushed Azriel out of the way, stumbling until her chest and forehead were pressed against his nose, he probably felt. 

Meraxes instantly relaxed with her touch, sniffing her scent and declaring she was alright. Y/N sobbed against him, her hands rubbing his leathery skin up and down, until she calmed herself down. 

“I’m okay, I promise.” She breathed and the wyvern nodded, giving one last look to the males before stepping aside and allowing their access to the house. She let go of him, following the rest of them inside, plopping herself on the couch. 

“Why did you go inside? You could be dead now.” Lucien slowly started, worry filled his voice, Y/N had become someone important to him and he couldn’t fathom the idea of her being killed by that damned monster. 

“We needed answers.” She simply replied, shrugging. 

“And did you get them?” Jurian asked, leaning against the wall that led to the kitchen. 

“His name is Mantyx, the middle brother of Erawan and Orcus, a Valg King.” She started, all of the males looked at her. “He was the one who summoned the ridderak that attacked me, he was after Nesta and her powers.”

“Does he have a key?” Azriel asked, his eyebrows furrowed as the engines in his brain worked.

“He carries it around his neck.” Lucien cursed loudly, how would they get it? 

“How did you get out?” Jurian once again asked all the right questions.

“I promised him that I would get Nesta.” Azriel's eyes widened. “I just needed to get out to tell you all this, chill.” She said to him, her blue eyes piercing him back in place and he didn’t dare to argue. 

“What do we do now?” Lucien inquired, rubbing his temples.

“I don’t know about you, but i’ll have a bath, i’m feeling disgusting.” She said getting up, leaving the males behind her. 

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Her chest ached as she sat in the scalding water, trying to rub all those feelings away from her, but it was useless. She then reached for the book Morrigan had found in the Hewn City, not having time to read it in the trip until now. She opened the book and focused on the fancy handwriting, allowing her brain to shut down from the real world and just pay attention to the words in those pages. 

“It was during the night that he came, talking with a sweet voice, promises of a better world and absolution to those who bowed to him and allowed his angels a home. The god of conquest was how they called him. 

He brought her, with dark hair and dark eyes, she feeded from life and used the remains to build weapons made of human bones. They called her The Weaver, and her twin, The Bone Carver, one more terrifying than the other. They weren’t angels, they were the gods of death, draining life from the earth and eating our souls. 

They talked about how lucky we were, claiming to be princes and princesses from their homeworld. No one knew how they came or where they came from, but all we knew was that it was all related to that necklace, made of a dark stone and with an unknown shape. They had come from the north, many guessed they were a plague sent by the Night Court to terrorise us, but even the High Lord feared them, he couldn't control them, no one could, so they took what they pleased. 

It was Celeste Vanserra, the Fireborn that brought us hope, the most powerful fire carrier the world has ever seen. She locked The Bone Carver with the help of the cauldron in the prison first. This made the fae wars easier, but their army was too big to be brought down, so they had to change their strategy. 

Divide and conquest is what they called it. They managed to separate The Weaver, and once again, with the help of the cauldron, Celeste and her fire locked Stryga in the woods, in a cabin no one dared to get close to. Whenever a general fell, their army fell with them. 

The High Lords followed Celeste to the battlefield, following her command and doing what she said. The final battle was in the lake, where Celeste used her powers to create a fire circle around Koschei and his monsters, trapping him inside, not knowing this was his biggest weakness, her fire was the only thing that could kill him. But before Celeste could, he killed her, piercing her heart with a sword.

The High Lords seeing their strongest fall, decided that they weren’t enough to kill Koschei, so they used the cauldron imbued by their powers to trap his soul to the island. As long as this world still exists, Koschei cannot be killed, his soul is bound to the Earth itself. Only the power of the cauldron or the fire of Celeste can free him from his prison and finally kill him.

With their failure to end the biggest threat our world has ever seen, they erased Celeste’s name from history. If no one remembered her, no one would remember how weak they were compared to Koschei. But her fire was still alive in the blood of her offspring, and the family Vanserra is the closest we have to a chance of killing him, unfortunately those who don’t learn their history tend to repeat it.”

Y/N gasped, the water already cold as she discarded the book and jumped out of the tub, opening the door to her and Azriel’s room. He sat on the bed, eyeing her up and down, following the droplets of water that ran down her curves, but her sombre expression brought his eyes back to her face, ignoring the temptation of looking down.

“What happened?” He asked and she took a deep breath.

“I know how to kill him.”

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Taglist: @fieldofdaisiies @blackgirlmagicforever @a-frog-with-a-laptop @going-through-shit @asweetblueberry2

@roses-r-red54330 @mis-lil-red @sheblogs @hibye02 @impossibelle

@glitterypirateduck @zeroangelo13 @sekiro1310 @nelapeach14 @annamariereads16

@just-here-reading @celestialend @donttellthecats @scatteredstardustt @snoopyspace

@asterinblacksword @tsumudoll @georginat12 @skyjasper @anuttellaa

@willowpains @quinzzelx @amysangel @fightmedraco @puttyly

@lees-chaotic-brain @thisblogisaboutabook @esposadomd @stained-glass-eyes0708 @brujitafantomatico

@a-cup-of-nightshade @faridathefairy @bubybubsters @krowiathemythologynerd @joey-hoey

[holyfuckmenowdaddy]

hey, let's roleplay.

Scenario:

we meet at a party. instant attraction. fantastic conversation. I'm hilarious, but in a not even trying kind of way. I can't help but stare at your hands.

but we've both been hurt before, so neither one of us wants to ask the other out. we sit next to each other, and it feels good to have our bodies pressed up against each other.

we go our separate ways, and mingle with other guests, but our eyes keep finding one another's and we smile.

finally, at the end of the night, you see I'm getting ready to leave. you can't stand the thought of never seeing me again.

you come rushing over, and ask for my number.

I've been waiting all night, and already have it written down for you.

you text me as soon as you get home, and we text until we fall asleep.

we go on a date the next day for lunch.

and the next night for dinner and drinks.

we end up back at your place.

we don't fuck. we make love.

sure, it's kinky, we talked about our kinks at lunch.

and it's rough, and passionate.

like our bodies were built for each other.

and we just want to be tangled up together forever.

we make it 3 months before you ask me to move in.

we can't stand nights away from each other.

technically you say "I love you" first, but it was in your sleep.

So I say it the next day, which means I win.

6 months later you get down on one knee and ask me to marry you.

of course I say yes.

and of course you aren't asking me to change who I am.

we get married 4 months later.

a small wedding.

closest family and friends only.

kind of rushed.

but only because I don't want a baby bump in my wedding pictures.

our baby girl is born 6 months after the wedding.

I thought you loved me.

but when I see you hold our daughter for the first time, and see tears well up in your eyes, I know you'd hit me with a train for her.

as it should be.

life starts to move quickly after that.

we settle into a routine.

you working, me a stay at home mom.

dinner on the table when you get home most nights.

some nights I'm too tired and we just order pizza.

a couple years later, our son is born.

we name him after you.

not directly, not jr. but like your first name is his middle name.

he is your little man.

our kids grow up to be nerds like us.

we watch Star Wars, Star Gate (cause you love me, remember), Doctor Who, Supernatural.

we take our kids on as many vacations as we can because we want them to see the world.

even just camping, so they can be in nature.

we are gentler parents than ours were.

we are doing our best not to pass down our traumas.

we teach the children the basics of all religions, we do our best to learn, and expose them to many different cultures.

we teach them to respect all people, no matter the differences.

of course our children will see color, but they will celebrate it as a difference that makes us each beautiful.

our daughter excels in school.

she gets a scholarship to her top choice school.

she's going to be a doctor. probably a pediatrician.

our son isn't quite as book smart.

he plays sports in school, and that takes some focus away from his studies.

but we support him all the same.

he decides to go to trade school, and becomes a mechanic.

he's always loved working with his hands.

they live close enough that we can have monthly family dinners.

until our daughter starts a residency across the country.

she decided to be an OBGYN.

"there's nothing more beautiful than bringing life into this world" she tells us after her first solo delivery.

after residency she moves back and gets a job with a local clinic.

our son started working for a small auto shop.

within a few years he was the manager.

and the owner started training him to take over so he could finally start looking forward to retirement.

the next years blow by.

our kids find spouses.

they start having kids.

but we keep having our monthly family dinners.

one summer when we're in our 60/70s, we sit on the porch drinking lemonade, watching our grandkids run around in the sprinkler.

our kids are happy.

our grandkids are happy.

"that was fun babe" you say "I wish we could do it again."

and we kiss, resulting in the squeals of little children who still think it's icky.

I rest my head on your shoulder and look at all that we accomplished.

who would have thought a simple roleplay would have turned out so well.

[specialagentlokitty]

Hotch x reader - how to help you

Heyy, could you do a Hotch x wife/girlfriend!reader who's having a hard time with a case that hits a little too close to home, specifially readers childhood?? Xx - Anon💜

TW: mentions of past trauma and toxic parents

At first you didn’t think this case was going to be an issue for you, nothing until you started getting further and further into it, and things began unravelling.

That’s when things started to get hard for you, everything you were reading sounded so familiar and we’re bringing up memories you stuffed down years ago.

Setting the file down, you ran a hand down your face, and you saw that you were trembling, so you quietly stood up.

“Hey guys I’m just going to take a walk, stretch my legs.”

“Alright, you need anything while you’re gone?” Rossi asked.

“Nah, nah I’m good thank you.”

Rossi nodded and looked down at his file, but Hotch watched you as you left the room.

After a minute he excused himself and followed you outside to find you sitting on a bench in front of the police station.

Walking over, he sat next to you.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.”

“No you’re not. You repeat the same word at the beginning of a sentence when you’re upset.”

You glanced at him and looked back out at the road, pursing your lips a little as you took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it go.

“It’s something about this case isn’t it?” He asked quietly.

You slowly nodded your head.

“I… I want to focus I do I swear but it’s.. it’s like I’m there reliving these memories..”

You looked down at your hands.

“I shoved these memories so far down inside of me praying one day I would never have to face them again.. go through them again…”

“I can take you off the case if you want me to, you can stay in the hotel, go back home, whatever you want to do.”

You sighed a little, balling your hands into fists.

“I… I just need to go back to the hotel for a few hours…”

Hotch nodded his head and reached out, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, no it’ll be okay.”

He frowned.

“I’m coming with you, come on.”

Hotch took you back to the hotel and he lead you back to your room, watching as you just walked over to your bed and sat down.

He’d never seen you like this, and he was worried about you.

You just stared at your hands, balling them into fists and you leant down and resting your forehead on your hands.

Hotch slowly walked over and sat next to you.

“What’s this about?” He asked softly.

Hotch had a feeling he knew, the case revolved around abusive parents and the unsub in their own twisted way trying to “save” them.

“I guess now it’s time I probably told someone…” you whispered.

You sat up, and ran your hand over your face.

“My… parents weren’t great parents. They… I suppose the only way to put it is aggressive… they were nasty people, you know?”

“(Y/N)…”

“Some of the things they did was just downright cruel… they would beat me for fun.. nothing I ever did was good enough for them.. nothing..”

Tears were streaming down your face at this point and Hotch reached out, slowly put his hand on your shoulder.

You looked at him.

“Come here.”

You slowly moved over, half laying in him and he wrapped his arms around you as you quietly cried into his side.

“You don’t have to work this case…”

“I just.. I want to go home..”

“We’ll take you home then.”

And he did, Hotch pulled from the case as well to take you home and keep an eye on you, and he could see how much you were struggling with this.

For days you would wake up with nightmares, you were on edge, constantly just staring into nothing.

He knew you had only explained a brief bit of your past to him, so finally he sat you down.

“I need you to tell me everything, please?”

You looked at him confused.

“Everything about you past, will you tell me everything about it?”

“You want to know…?”

“I think it would help you if you spoke about it, all of it. It may not solve everything, but at least you won’t have to carry this alone anymore.”

You slowly nodded.

So you dove into everything, the very deepest parts of your past you had never told anyone about, the things you kept hidden from the world and from yourself.

Hotch was on the verge of tears as you told him about everything.

Everything you had been holding in for so many years, memories collecting dust and cobwebs in the darkest depths of your mind.

Finally you finished talking and you sniffled a little bit.

“You never told anyone any of this…?” He whispered.

You shook your head.

“Why..?”

“Because… I guess I always blamed myself…”

Hotch reached out, taking your hand in his.

“None of what happened was your fault okay? I promise you right now absolutely none of it was your fault. Why didn’t you tell anyone about this? Talk to someone?”

“I just wanted to forget…”

Hotch nodded his head and sat back, holding his arms out.

You leant over, laying on him and he just held you in arms, letting you just cry quietly in the safety of his embrace.

He wasn’t going to force you to talk to anyone, but he would encourage it, but now that he knew Hotch was hoping he could help you somehow.

The first task was to somehow figure out how to help you with your nightmares

[criminalmindswhore]

Family Affair Ch. 1

An Emily Prentiss x Reader story that will be angsty. TW: mentions of violence and murder, homophobic parents and people, child abuse You stumbled into the BAU not prepared to see your family on the screen. What happens when the family you left behind is dead and your new one is responsible for catching their killer?

You were born into a family where love was earned. Perfection was expected and if it wasn't perfect, it wasn't accepted. You did every extracurricular activity possible to please your parents. Theatre, track, singing, Honors Society, but it was never enough. Even when you graduated top of your class at Yale and then got into the academy. The day you left for Yale there was a huge blowout fight which resulted in you being cut out of the family. 

"Dad I don't want that life. I don't want to come back to this town with the same rude people and run this business." You threw your last bag into your car and slammed the door. Your dad hot on your tail as you walked back inside the house. "You don't have a choice. You either do that or don't bother coming home." You came to a full stop in the entryway, taking a deep angry breath. You pressed your fingers against the bridge of your nose. Your dad sighed, "We love you Y/N and we want what's best for you." You turned towards him and scoffed, "What's best for me, isn't in this run-down town." There was a lingering sadness between the two of you. You knew you couldn't continue to let them treat you this way, and he knew he was losing you.

 "Dad, I need to move on. I can't live in this house anymore it's full of pain for me whether you acknowledge it or not. Kate and I both see it. Mom sometimes does." Your voice softer, almost scared of his reaction. He stood with his arms crossed and feet planted firm, you continued, "Everyone my age hates me, you hate me, there's nothing here for me anymore." Your dad was set off by this, "We don't hate you Y/N! If we did we wouldn't have let you go to Yale and offer to pay for your groceries while you're there." You took a step towards him, "There was nothing you could have done to stop me. I'm on a full ride and I don't need your help." He shoved past you, "You're never gonna make it past freshman year." You paced through the space ranting, "I have been nothing but successful my entire life, what makes you think I can't handle it? Because you won't be there to yell at me or hit me when I get a 97 instead of a 100? Because you won't be there to force me to go to church? I have made something of myself from nothing with no support from you. You have never said you're proud of me once." He grabbed a beer from the fridge, he was yelling now, "I did so much for you! I'm the reason you were so successful!" You scoffed at him, "The reason I'm successful is because I feared for my life when I wasn't. That's not helping, that's trauma. That's why I never told you guys about her." 

The words left your mouth before you could stop them. He stopped walking around and looked at you, your blood ran cold with fear. "Her?" Your brain went blank, you couldn't think of one thing to say to save yourself. "I knew you were one of them. Get out of my house and don't come back." 

Your alarm blaring in your ear jolted you from the most amazing sleep you have ever gotten. "Fuck this." You turned it off and groaned as someone knocked on your bedroom door. "Come in!" You rolled over in your bed now face down in the pillows. "Good morning sleepyhead, I made us coffee and breakfast for the road now get up." Your roommate Garcia threw a throw pillow from the couch at you. You picked your head up and glared at her, "What the fuck Pen?" She smiled at you, already wearing a full face of makeup with her rainbow robe. She closed the door and you rolled out of bed. Dragging yourself into the shower. You loved your job but there was nothing you loved more than sleep. For some reason, your parents were heavy on your mind during your shower. You haven't spoken for nearly 7 years. Your last conversation on your college graduation day. They called to tell you they wouldn't be attending followed by some dumbass excuse. Not that you really wanted to see them anyway, it had been 4 years at that point. Now you were in the FBI, working towards your doctorate. After making yourself look put together and professional you trotted into the kitchen where Pen was sitting waiting for you while she read some new romance novel. You grinned at her music choice this morning, Lana Del Rey. You grabbed your Yale travel mug from the cabinet pouring coffee into it. You turned to Pen, "You ready miss thang?" She giggled, "Y/N you gotta stop flirting with me or Morgan's gonna have some competition." She stood up grabbing her purse and coffee cup. 

The energy was off from the second you two stepped off the elevator onto the BAU's floor. Hotch was standing at the glass doors waiting for you. The team already gathered in the round table room. Hotch pulled you aside and told Garcia to join the team. She shot you a smile before trekking up the stairs. "Hotch what's going on? Is this about me using the word soggy in the report? I couldn't think of a better-" "No Y/N, it's about your family." Your heart drops to your stomach, you suddenly feel weak. "Hotch, don't tell me." Tears sprung in your eyes, all he did was look at you with sympathy. You took off into the round table room, "Y/N don't." You dropped your coffee seeing the pictures on the screen. Images of your parents dead, hands missing. Everything was spinning and the team sprung into action. JJ clicking off the screen, Emily standing up to grab you. Garcia grabs your bag from your hands and picks up your cup. "No, no, no, no." You kept repeating yourself slowly sinking to the ground. Emily was holding your waist to safely lower you down, "Y/N look at me, look at me." You looked at her face and she grabbed your hands once you were safely sitting. "Breathe, force the air in." You didn't even realize you hadn't taken a breath. 

After a few minutes you had calmed down, swallowed your feelings, and stood up. "What happened." You demanded rather than asked the team. Hotch went to speak up, "Y/N you don't want to-" "Aaron, tell me." You glared at him. You knew that town better than anyone in the room, they needed you still and everyone knew it. He took a deep breath, "Found this morning in one of their restaurants by your sister. Hands are missing which is why we were called in. Cause of death is a bullet to the head." No one spoke as you processed. You swallowed the bile that was creeping up your throat and took a step towards Garcia looking for some kind of comfort, she understood and grabbed your hand. "There's a lot of hunters in the area, they would know how to take the- um, hands. My dad was well-liked in the community, and the same with my mom. I wasn't but I haven't been back in over 10 years. My sister never left, she went to community college and then started working for my dad. Is she in protective custody?" Hotch nodded. "Y/N you aren't allowed to work this case but we will be using you as a resource. Wheels up in 10." Rossi gave you a long, tight hug on his way out the door. The team knows you aren't huge on touch so they all gave you a shoulder pat. Other than JJ who stopped in front of you, "Can I give you a hug?" Her voice was full of sadness, and you nodded. She wrapped her arms around you in the Y/N." 

You sat on the jet at the table, Emily beside you, Hotch and Rossi across from you. You were listening to them throw around theories and you filled in with information about the people and town when needed. You weren't completely present, memories of childhood flashing in your head. The bad was taking over the good and you were struggling to find reasons to be sad. You felt psychotic sitting there looking for something good to miss about them. Sure you always wanted them to say they were proud of you, or come to your wedding but the chances of that happening, alive or not, were slim to none. 

Emily placed her hand on your knee sensing the turmoil in your head. Hotch's voice brought you back to the jet, "When we land Morgan and Reid go to the crime scene. Rossi and JJ I want you to go to the medical examiner, Prentiss, and Y/L/N will go with me to the station. Y/N your sister is waiting for you there." Everyone nodded, a thick tension in the air. No one knew details but they all knew you left and never looked back. On top of your parents being dead, they all knew coming back was going to be a lot for you. Emily softly spoke, "Y/N, don't bottle this up okay? We understand it's okay." She gave you the softest, sweetest smile. The last thing you needed was the crush that has been brewing for over a year now to fuck with your head but at this moment you could almost feel love coming off her words.

You walked into the station and spotted her immediately, dropping your bag on the floor and running to the room she was in. "Y/N!" She jumped up and wrapped her arms around you. "Hi, Kate." You pulled her close to your chest. She shook with sobs, from the sadness of losing your parents and because she missed you so much. Tears finally slipped from your eyes, "I'm so sorry I left you behind Katie." She pulled away from you and wiped your tears, "Shut up dude. I told you to." 

"Y/N please go to Yale. I will be okay, I promise. Dad hasn't laid a hand on me in almost a year. You know I can handle this." She sat up to look at up you from the end of the bed. The two of you were lying in opposite directions on your bed, your room packed up into boxes around you. "I just don't want you to have to do this alone," you spoke honestly. She crawled on the bed to lay beside you regularly, "I won't be alone, I have my friends and the dog." She smiled at you, a sadness in her eyes. "I will miss you but you worked hard for this. You deserve to get out of here, god knows I won't. One of us needs to escape." It was your turn to glare at her, "Don't say that, you'll leave this fucked up town too." There was a comfortable silence around you two as you soaked up your last night together. 

You smiled at her, happy to have your little sister in your arms again. You pulled her back to your chest, "I'm so happy to see you again loser." She giggled. She sat down on the couch again, pulling her sleeves over her hands. "Y/N promise me you guys can find the person that did this." She looked at you with pleading eyes looking for answers, you sat beside her. "My team is the best, they will find them. I promise you." She sniffled and swallowed. "I don't know what to even do. Obviously, I'm sad but with our childhood, it's hard to process this." You nodded, "Trust me, I understand. I felt like a crazy person on the plane ride here. I don't think there's one way we need or should feel right now. It's gonna take time to figure out how we feel, but I'm here now. We'll figure it out together." She smiled slightly before a tear slipped down her cheek. Kate reached out to grab your hand, "I'm really glad you're here Y/N." You shivered, "I have mixed feelings." 

Just as you started to feel less horrified of being here there was a knock on the door, and you heard a voice you haven't heard since senior year of high school, "Y/N, can we talk?" You turned on the couch to see Amber Jones standing at the door, badge dangling off her belt. You nodded, patted your sister on the knee, and stood. Prepared for the conversation you've avoided for a decade. 

[eco-lite]

Volume 7 babyyy let’s go!

(But CW: sexual assault. I do include some quotes related to the assault here since I was recording my thoughts on it at the time.)

First of all, how gorgeous is this cover art?! They looks so good. This might be my favorite cover so far.

“Even now, twenty years later, I still haven’t found my ‘rightful place’” (6). Okay so we going Richard introspection hours. Love it!

“Prologue”

* Blogger!Seigi omg.

* I guess “Iggy” is pretty close in pronunciation to “Seigi” but it seems wild to call him that lol. Also, who is reading this blog???

* Lotus is Seigi’s favorite flower. Got it.

* I wish the blog posts had a different format or typeface than the main text. That would be really fun and easier to distinguish.

* For fuck’s sake, just call him!

* For real though, it is really easy to sympathize with Seigi’s doubts right now. Being in such a foreign place, just waiting around for things to happen. That would make anyone anxious and doubtful of their choice. “When you had too much time on your hands, your anxieties loomed bigger, like shadow puppets hit by the light” (23). Fr fr.

* Jeffrey is ultra-dramatic and mysterious as usual. This is going to be quite an experience.

“Day 1”

* It’s so wild to me that Seigi thinks Richard would tell him to quit his internship if he’s not settling in well. That’s not how I see Richard at all. Shouldn’t Seigi know that Richard would tell him a long story with a message about perseverance, likely with illusions to Richard’s own life that would fly right over Seigi’s head? Because that’s pretty clearly the standard. As always, Seigi is way too in his head.

* Ah, so the mentorship wasn’t supposed to be like this after all. It’s really cute to see Richard getting so indignant and protective of Seigi like this.

* The rapid shift in Richard’s tone once he thinks Seigi is distracted/being disingenuous gave me fucking whiplash.

* NOT Seigi blocking Richard from view of the staff guy who’s giving interested glances at him. 🫢

* Bro this is crazy. Who is this mysterious other British man? What’s his past with Richard? It’s so bad that Richard is drinking alcohol?? Living for the drama.

“Day 2”

* Richard wearing sunglasses inside? Uh oh, he got fucked up last night.

* Seigi once again defending Richard from the male cruise staff. At least Richard seemed to appreciate it.

* “Richard chuckled when he saw the fraught look on my face. I always thought he sounded a bit like a pigeon when he laughed like that” (77). Wtf why is that adorable?

* Ooh a rare Richard swear!

* Okay so whatever Richard doesn’t want Seigi to see at the jewelry showcase has to do with the darker sides of the world of gemstones. What have you gotten yourself into, Richard?

* I actually feel physically ill. Now it’s very clear why Richard didn’t want Seigi to be here. I didn’t think the “dark” aspects were going to hit quite so close to home. Seigi is focusing only on Karlsbrook because he’s filled with rage, but I really need to get a check in Richard rn please. OKAY SHIT, Richard keeps brushing Karlsbrook’s arm off his waist but he is not getting the hint. What a CREEP.

* This is genuinely so hard to read. I am right there with Seigi, struggling to restrain myself from doing something rash to (metaphorically) destroy this man. And there are so many bystanders doing nothing. God, this is painful.

* “‘I love beautiful things. I want beautiful things. I don’t want anything but beautiful things. And in that respect, nothing could be more desirable to a collector like myself than you’” (98). I’m going to fucking throw up. This is explaining so much about Richard’s trauma around compliments of his beauty. This blatant objectification is vile.

* What the fuck is this Karlsbrook guy’s deal? He clearly would have harassed Richard even if Seigi wasn’t there, but he seemed to do it more gleefully because it was in front of Seigi. What does he know about Seigi and Richard’s relationship? He marveled at the fact that Seigi actually showed up earlier. How did he know that there was a possibility he would? And how does he even know who Seigi is in the first place? This is so fucked up!

* And they’re distantly related?! Bro…

* Okay so if Jeffrey didn’t send Seigi those emails, it was definitely Karlsbrook. Why does he want Seigi there so badly?

* Anddd now he’s being framed for stealing a priceless ring. Okie dokie then.

* “Kindly uncle” is not the vibe I’m getting, my guy. “Stupid, elderly baby doll” is a much more apt description.

* Vince is a great character. He just seems like a nice, chill dude you’d want to hang out with. And I love when a character’s appearance doesn’t match their personality. It gets me every time.

* After Vince goes on a lecture about anime and manga figure 3D modeling: “I cautiously asked Vince if he liked anime and manga, and he politely ignored me. Got it” (151). This guy. What a kuudere.

* This story was just tough. Looking forward to the conclusion tomorrow.

“Day 3”

* Ooh, detective Seigi!

* I’m loving Seigi’s absolute audacity in this one.

* Seigi is so adhd-coded.

* “‘…What happened with that creep?’ ‘Just shut up for a bit.’ ‘Okay’” (190). I love their rapport. 😂

* Richard showing up looking gorgeous to kick ass at poker while subtly roasting the VP is so !! He’s truly serving here.

* “The man presenting his merciless flush of hearts had such a beautiful yet indifferent look in his eyes as he stared intently at the man across from him. ‘Shall we continue?’ (193). So cunty!

* “Richard always had fire in his eyes when he got angry. The melanin in his irises gave their blue a sort of undulating wave pattern, and when I looked at him, I got goosebumps. It made me feel like I’d laid eyes on something no mortal should ever see” (193-194). Seigi is in so deep, bro.

* “‘Thank you, Ricky. Not even Raphael’s Madonna is a match for the beauty of your fingers manipulating those cards. I wish you would use those fingers to toy with me.’ ‘My apologies, I’ve been suffering from some temporary hearing loss and did not catch what you just said.’ After replying with the most refined ‘Like hell I will,’ in history, Richard stepped back and left the two men at the table” (199). 🤮🤮🤮 Karlsbrook is literally a mustache-twirling villain, this is crazy. Great clapback though, Richard. Also, is anybody else so uncomfortable when people call Richard “Ricky?” It feels infantalizing and like such a violation of the image Richard wants to present himself as.

* I just looked up what happened to the Colonel Sanders statue in Dotonbori. Wow… Seigi is not fucking around.

* Why are Vince and Richard having slightly hostile banter right now?? This is hilarious but I feel like I missed something behind the scenes.

* VINCE WAS HIS ASSISTANT????? This is blowing my mind omg.

* AND IT WAS VINCE IN THE BAR THAT FIRST NIGHT??? Wild. Can’t believe Seigi suspected that from hearing his purposefully bad english. Seigi actually is a good detective, and he’s more observant than I give him credit for. How rude to hold out on the readers like that though!

* “‘That was the first time I’d ever felt that strongly that I wasn’t needed somewhere… I’ve never felt such heartache like the moment I realized that I could offer nothing of value to this person who was such a huge presence in my life’” (231). Ouchies. Boy, do I know that feeling. Poor Vince. It’s unfortunate that Vince felt his relationship with Richard was so one-sided. I hope he won’t always be bitter about their relationship. Even if he had said something to Richard back then, I think Richard would have gotten very closed off and defensive, since they didn’t have a super close personal relationship. They’ve both improved in their communication skills since then. And it seems like things are going quite well for Vince now. I wish that funky little guy the best, and I hope he and Seigi end up staying in touch.

* “The beautiful man threw off his jacket about 30 percent more aggressively than normal, rolled up his sleeves, and stood in front of the punching bag. He gave it a fierce one-two punch. Sometimes, humans just get the urge to suddenly practice boxing, and this seemed to be one such time for Richard” (245). I love that we’re getting to see Richard like this. Seigi clearly has seen Richard be more casual around him since he knows how Richard normally takes off his jacket, but I doubt Richard has let Seigi see this side of him before. And I also really relate to getting the urge to “suddenly practice boxing.”

* And then he just leaves looking disheveled?! Bruh. At least stick around to cool off first. 😏

* Thank god the rest of the cruise was peaceful. I’m glad Seigi and Richard got to just hang out after all that drama.

* Ewww Seigi had to endure a hug from Karlsbrook. But I’m so glad that creep got exposed. Hopefully Gargantua actually does good after the investigation into their culture of sexual misconduct.

“Epilogue”

* “But as you might expect if a food for celebrations, it opened with ‘twenty-five eggs,’ so I think I’ll try scaling it down” (251). I just love cute little comments Seigi makes like this. Also very relatable to anybody who follows Pinterest recipes. Who needs to make that much food??

* Richard reads about “unfamiliar grammatical constructions” for fun. This man…

* “There were words that I wanted to say in Japanese and others that felt easier to express in English, but they were both becoming mine. For example, this was something that I wanted to say in Engish. I wish you were here. I wish you were here to eat the food I made. I don’t know if you’ll like it, but I’d be happy if you have it a try. And if I say something ridiculous again, I wouldn’t mind if you got frustrated and scolded me” (263). 😌😌😌 But for real, can we talk about the romance of wanting to tell someone you miss them in their native language?

* Richard being so giddy that he pulled off this prank of showing up unannounced is adorable.

* Seigi’s idea of heaven is sitting in a beautiful garden drinking royal milk tea and eating delicious snacks while talking to Richard. 😌😌😌

* Okayyy and right back into the drama. I guess we’re going to have a teenage girl nemesis now. Not at all what I was expecting. But as always, I’m excited to learn more about Richard’s past!

Although this volume had many tough moments, we actually got a lot of smiley Richard. He seems a lot more comfortable around Seigi than even at the end of the last volume. I’m really looking forward to seeing how their relationship progresses from here. Especially if they’re staying in Sri Lanka together like was suggested at the end of Vol 6!

[legacyshenanigans]

Marvolo having a bad mental episode 🐍

She'd walked through the front door after going out to run some errands and made her way into the room where Marvolo had been holding a meeting with some men who'd come to their home. A small gasp left her as she walked in there, seeing Marvolo standing in the centre of the room, not facing her, his breathing was heavy and she could see he was twitching a little, in front of him were the lifeless bodies of the men who were breathing just half an hour ago before she'd left.

A gentle step of her foot made the wooden floor beneath her creak, causing Marvolo to snap his head to the side and look over his shoulder staring at her. She could see that look, a look she'd only seen maybe once or twice before. He was deep in a very mentally unstable moment. She usually wasn't around when he had these episodes. He'd take himself of the Den and stay there until it had passed. She stared back at him and froze, like a deer caught in headlights. He turned to face her, the green of his eyes completely gone, his pupils filling his iris's, his hair was a little messy, and he was sweating slightly. His breathing was shaky as he looked at her, giving her a smile with an unblinking stare, like he was trying to act normal but couldn't.

Marvolo: You're home...

He spoke in an even more hoarse voice than usual. She tried to act gentle towards him, speaking softly as she approached him. His eyes never left hers.

MC: Mhm..I erm..I take it this meeting didn't go well?

Marvolo: *chuckles* What do you mean?

MC: Well..The bodies, Marvolo...

He was silent for a moment, just looking down at her, Before he spoke again.

Marvolo: ...The bodies...Yes...

He looked over to the bodies on the floor, just staring at them. She gently placed her hand on his arm.

MC: Why don't you go and lay down for a little while?

He instantly responded,

Marvolo: I don't need to lay down...

MC: *clears her throat a little* Ok, well. What do you want?

More eerie silence, before he replied to her.

Marvolo: ...I don't know...

MC: Marvolo..

He was still staring at the bodies, still unblinking. She reached out and cupped his face, turning his head to look at her.

MC: Marvolo..

He stared back. He wasn't himself. Lord knows what these men had said, but whatever it was, it had sent his mind west. She leaned up and kissed him. It took a moment, but he returned the kiss and closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath through his nose. His hands found their way to her, holding her. She pulled back after a moment, seeing his eyes returning to normal.

MC: Are you ok?

Marvolo: *nods slowly* Yes...Well, I will be..Once I deal with this *gestures to the bodies*

MC: Need help?

Marvolo: No, love. You go upstairs.. I'll be up shortly..I just need a moment.

She turned to leave before her said her name. She turned around once more to face him

MC: Yeah?

Marvolo: I..I don't like you seeing me like this.. I thought you'd have been out longer..I knew this meeting was going to end this way..I was hoping you didn't walk into it..

MC: ...I'm sorry.

Marvolo: No.. Don't apologise, that's not what I wanted.. I just didn't want you to see me this way.. I can tell you were frightened...

He was right. She was. She'd seen him fight many times. She'd even seen him kill people. She had seen his crazed sadistic side plenty, but THIS Marvolo was different from that. This was truly some kind of mental trauma, a form of dark dissociation, changing him. Perhaps changing is the wrong word.. More like stripping him completely of himself so he could feel NOTHING in that moment, whatever had caused it. She knew better than to ask questions about his meetings and certain types of endeavours. Sometimes, they'd even play on emotional feelings like 'being scared' during their more intense sensual moments, but those moments were a consensual session, where both knew they weren't getting hurt out of hate or malice. But the fright she felt seeing him like this hit different. She just gave him a small smile, a smile that told him she was ok if HE was ok.

Marvolo: I don't EVER like to frighten you... Not like that anyway.. It hurts me.

~