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01zfan · 8 months

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whose altar do you bow to? | s.es

politician!eunseok x fem. reader | 6.2k words

all may worship at your altar but whose do you bow to?

contains: religious themes, oral (fem. receiving), abandonment issues, problems regarding church culture, body worship, sub!eunseok

sacrilegious masterlist

eunseok left the church six years ago. you remember when everyone in your congregation hated him for it. he left the city to find opportunities and to do something more with his life. you had heard rumors of a prestige college, but many thought it was untrue due to his lax nature. unfortunately leaving the small town was unofficially known as the gateway to losing your faith. because of this, many considered him a nonbeliever.

truthfully, no one knew what eunseok did for those six years. nobody bothered to ask his family if he still practiced religion, because that would’ve been the logical thing to do. he never was a big part of the church socially, so when he left he was like a ghost. when eunseok disappeared without a trace, everyone saw this as an opening to spread rumors. you knew eunseok personally, the two of the oldest kids in the congregation. you two would be together in line for serving food, overhearing two women talk about another one.

“do they ever get tired of talking behind eachothers backs?” you ladle food onto a child’s plate.

“when thats the only thing to do, you can never get tired of it.” eunseok wasn’t even looking at the two women. he smiled at the next person in line, giving them a cup of fruit.

“still though. sometimes the congregation is so contradictory with their teachings versus practices.” you say.

“it is what it is. people will do what they want. thinking too hard about people’s actions will just cause unneeded stress.” eunseok says before smiling to an old lady. she declines the fruit cup, continuing down the line.

after the last person went through the food line, you and eunseok walked together to the prayer area. you two had a routine, falling into silence as you stared at the miniature altar for christ. you don’t know what eunseok thought about, maybe it was about leaving. you were too caught up in looking at him. as the same lady who was gossiping walked past you she gave you a fake smile on her face. your head followed her all the way down the hallway until she disappeared into another you. you scoff and return your gaze to the altar.

you knew eunseok was right, but you could never let it go. you had joined the church like most kids did when their parents were involved in the church. you didn’t consider yourself to be a nonbeliever, but you found yourself standing for what the church was supposed to represent. you liked helping people, you liked community service, you liked the kindness and acceptance that came with being a churchgoer. as you grew older you say that the way religion was practiced versus in theory was completely different. in your teen years, you clung to eunseok. he felt the same you did, but closer to when he left he seemed to accept it. your complaints fell on his deaf ears, and eventually he was gone.

you knew that what people said about him never bothered eunseok. you wished you could say he liked being talked about. eunseok was something like a celebrity of the church before he left. he was tall and kind. that was enough for him to be adored by the elders of the congregation. you were ignored and not held nearly as high in regard compared to eunseok. you accredited this to you constantly challenging the elders and calling out when they did something outdated. what bothered you was how unbothered he was when it came to himself.

when eunseok left, he left without saying a word. it would’ve been so easy to pass a note along to the pastor, or to say something during group. instead, he just left. so you had to deal with overhearing eunseok be the subject of gossip.

he left because he lost faith.

i heard he left town because he got some slut from his school pregnant.

he left to go to a city filled with drugs and alcohol.

he never learned hymns. he slept half the time.

may god guide that poor boys soul.

for six years you heard things you would be kicked out of church for repeating. you spent time defending the rumors at first. you would say the truth under your breath or tell the older women to mind their business with a smile on your face. you thought that you were invincible because you were equipped with the truth. you wielded the truth like a sword, trying to fight away rumors of someone you considered a friend. you learned the valuable lesson that the truth doesn’t overshadow the masses. you were protecting eunseok a little too fiercely, and ended up backing off when the rumors began to involve you.

she’s mad because she wanted eunseok to take her with him.

she should focus on finding a husband within the church instead of protecting one that has left it.

after becoming even more ostracized you started to adopt the same attitude eunseok had. you let the words wash off of you like rain. eunseok was lucky he wasn’t there for the fallout. you had become withdrawn and bitter towards everyone in the church. you would sit in front of the statue of christ, looking up at his pitiful outstretched hands. you don’t know how someone could be so merciful, so understanding. you were filled with unbridled rage looking up at his statue. that was the final time you bowed to the altar. you got up and dusted off your knees. you found this to be symbolic, brushing off what little devotion you had left to such a weak man.

six years later, you were still involved. you don’t know why you stayed. you often compared your relationship with the church as a friend you hated but couldn’t let go of—it weighed down on you but random moments of happiness made you stay. being in the building made you lethargic and looking at the whispering ladies made you sick. you didn’t see them as believers, you saw them as aimless people looking for something to poor endless praise upon. you saw them as less than nonbelievers.

despite your disdain for the church, you had more responsibilities than you did when you were in high school. the church often interfered with your career and part time job, but you also used it as an excuse. who was going to deny you the right to leave work early so you could worship? who would give you a penalty on an assignment that you missed due to you being needed at the church? clerical responsibilities were left in your hands. this was the effect of people leaving the flock too close together. you stopped caring why people left, or even learning people’s names in general. after some time, you would look around in the prayer halls or the lines at confessionals and you wouldn’t recognize a single face. you adopted the mindset that eventually, everyone would leave the congregation. you were just waiting your turn. you walked around the halls of the church and whispers followed you everywhere. they called you a nonbeliever, embodiment of an evil demon sent to destroy the church. you were blamed for people leaving, claiming that you were pushing people away from the path of righteousness. you found this ironic because your work for the church behind the scenes was one of the few things keeping it afloat.

maybe that’s another reason you stayed. as much as you hated those four walls you couldn’t stand to see them be torn down. eunseok was the same way.

you were assigning youth pastors to their groups when you heard his name for the first time in six years.

“song eunseok? why does that name sound so familiar?” mark said. instantly you looked up from the paper to eavesdrop on his conversation.

“song eunseok?” you repeated. mark and yeri look at you. you go back to looking at your schedule, gripping your pen a little tighter.

“yeah, do you know him?” mark says scratching his head.

“he used to attend the church when i was the same age as you guys.” you said. you remember the first time you met eunseok, thanking god for sending you someone who understood you. you almost chuckle looking at the paper recalling memories. if only you had known then what you knew now, you would’ve rebuked eunseok the moment you saw him.

“no freaking way, he went here?” yeri says, hitting marks shoulder.

“was he a youth pastor like us?” mark visibly gets excited as well.

you completely look away from your schedule now. how would these two know about eunseok? were there rumors floating around about him again?

“no, but he did help out with the church. why?” you say, trying to remain as neutral as possible.

“because he’s like a government official now” mark said. yeri looked at him and they both laughed, surprised you didn’t know who he was.

“what?” you abandon all efforts of sounding neutral.

“yeah look!” yeri shows you her phone.

you wish you could say you remained calm. your eyes nearly popped out of your head when you saw the headline. eunseok had made it out of your small town to a much bigger one, a place where he was included in making laws. you saw the article commend him for coming from nothing to graduating from a prestigious school and pursuing law. many people thought he was a revolutionary, demanding for progressively legislature despite only recently joining the board.

“oh my god.” you say.

“i don’t think you can say that.” mark said. the pair giggled again, but you were too caught up in looking at eunseok. he looked so different from the last time you saw him, but still the same. that was your eunseok. the one who giggled with you during confessionals. eunseok who stole extra crackers from communion because he could. the one who left you.

“i can’t believe it.” you say. the schedule has been completely forgotten. the iron resolve you had at church was broken in an instant. you could tell yeri and mark were shocked to see you show so much emotion.

“you must have been pretty close with him.” yeri says, grabbing back her phone.

“we were friends. like you two are.” you pull yourself out of your shocked state, trying to put on the same cold demeanor. you turn back to the group assignment, but every name you read looks like his.

“well you will probably be happy to hear that he’s coming to the church during tonight’s service,” mark said. he looked over your shoulder “are the schedules done yet?”

“what?” you can’t hold back the shock in your voice. your two youth group leaders laugh at your expense.

“the pastor is pretty hush hush about it. but i heard a rumor he’s coming to give a speech about donating something to the church.” yeri says.

mark grabs the group assignments off your desk and hands one to yeri. yeri audibly groans once she sees who she is assigned to. the pair leave quickly after getting their assignments, leaving you alone to your thoughts. eunseok had left the church for reasons unknown. you thought he would come back, the way poor sinners came back crawling in the rain, shaking their metal cup begging for an ounce of forgiveness. now he was coming back as someone who people would put on the altar next to god himself. did he even still pray? did he still remember the hymns that were drilled into their minds as kids? or did he truly forget it all to follow a life of fame and fortune? that wasn’t a lifestyle fit for a man of god.

you debate on leaving then and there. night service doesn’t start for another hour, and technically your duties for the day are done. you could slip out through any exit, and not come back until the next time you’re needed. eunseok would be long gone, and you could just hear about the rumors spread about his visit for the next six years. the thought of being in the same room as him made you sick, the same sick you felt seeing the gossiping sinners of the church stick their noses up at you.

with a power beyond your own, you feel yourself get up from your desk. you walk through the mostly empty offices, and head down the stairs. you try to be quiet, to not let the floorboards tell you their age underneath your feet. you can hear the low murmurs of men behind doors talking about things that have to be whispered. you’re sure they’re talking about the allocation of what you assume to be the heavy donation they’ll be receiving tonight. you can’t believe eunseok is becoming the very thing you hated. unfair donations, things that would be better off at any other organization instead being funneled into a failing church. it made you feel like a kid again, spying on the grownups trying to stay hidden. the only difference was that your previous partner in crime was the one you were hiding from.

you looked through the crack in the door and saw him. eunseok was wearing a suit not so different from what you remember him wearing six years ago. but he was different now, so different from the boy you grew up with. this eunseok had a more defined jawline, the baby fat from his cheeks was completely gone. he had a different hairstyle now too, one that made him look more mature. this eunseok towered over the men he spoke with. there was an aura now surrounding him now. he was already confident when you two had met, but now there was another layer to it. more depth. his boyish charm had turned into charisma of a handsome young man. you watched as he stood and listened to the men in robes bicker. so much had changed about eunseok but he still remained disinterested in anything pertaining to church.

you didn’t see eunseok speak until they brought up the lunch program.

“my donation is for the lunch program. i want all the funds to dedicated to the plan i emailed you before. you accepted the donation under the promise that the funds would be allocated there.” eunseok said. you figured the man with the briefcase and nice suit beside him was his lawyer. you leaned closer to the door, trying to gather everything.

apparently you were wrong about the donation. eunseok had plans to help the church expand who the lunch program would reach. instead of just a line inside the church, he wanted several stations in town near impoverished areas. he wanted to also expand the date and hours. you watched him explain his plan with an even head, but his hand flexing at his side told you he was getting frustrated.

when the conversation was over you had to quickly run away, flexing your feet so your presence wouldn’t be known. you don’t know how long you had stood there, but the night service was starting. you got caught in the flow of the crowd into the room that was much more packed than usual. mark and yeri left you a seat. you squeezed into the seat and picked at the hand fan that was passed around the room.

you were more nervous than you wanted to admit. you fidgeted and looked around for most of the service, waiting for eunseok to come out. you wished it would be over, each time the congregation stood your restless legs yelled at you to run.

when eunseok came out you stood still. mark had to nearly pull you down to sit after the hymn.

the pastor was speaking, but you couldn’t listen. all you could see was eunseok stand off to the side, hands in front of him as he listened. you wondered if he even remembered you, how surprised he would be that you were still here at the church you complained about everyday to him. then you thought about if he would even recognize you in the crowd of churchgoers. alot can happen in six years and you don’t doubt that eunseok has met his fair share of people. you think your face has blended into the mass of people sitting in the pews. you see his eyes look over the crowd, coming closer and closer to you. you prepare yourself to be filled with more disdain, more pain when he eventually looks over you.

when he sees you in the crowd, his eyes widen. you haven’t taken your eyes off him the whole time, wide and confused like he’s a mirage standing on the stage. you think he must have you confused, that he just paused in the crowd. his mouth opens in shock, the same shock you had seeing his name in the headlines.

“i think he recognizes you.” mark says, looking between you and eunseok.

you shush mark as the preacher continues to speak.

“so thank you to song eunseok, previous member of our parish for the generous donation.” the pastor says.

all around you people stood and clapped. you were amazed, seeing people that had spread rumors about eunseok cheer and clap for him now. as he bowed, people only clapped louder. the ones that called him stupid praised him for speaking to elegantly. when he thanked god, the ones that said he was a nonbeliever cheered the loudest. when eunseok got up from his bow, he kept his eye contact with you. it was a gaze of someone all knowing. he looked at you like he was trying to convey that it was all for show. eunseok was alot of things, and an entertainer was one of them. he was fit for the life of worship, a standing ovation suited him well. it made you sick how easily praise fell upon him, when you had worked so hard for this church just to be whispered about all day.

it was fanfare and fireworks for the next thirty minutes, everyone in the congregation practically tripping over themselves to get a picture with eunseok. handing him babies to kiss, asking for him to consider legislature that would benefit him. you noticed photographers trying their best to remain inconspicuous as they took photos. occasionally he would look to you and you had to look away. you wanted to avoid him all night, you don’t even know why you stayed. yeri and mark eventually made their way to him too, smiling in their group photo. you wanted to run away when you saw eunseok following behind mark and yeri.

“eunseok says he’s joining us for youth group tonight.” yeri says smiling.

when youth group split up you found yourself being short on handouts. eunseok’s appearance at the church brought in an influx of people, a number the church hasn’t seen in a long time. you were short on prayer pamphlets and eunseok volunteered to help you.

you tried to not be self conscious of the man behind you. you had walked through the church a million times before, but you felt yourself bump into walls you knew were there and turn the handles on locked doors. it was embarrassing having him follow you up the old and creaky outdated staircase. everything about you now felt so archaic. eunseok represented a time that was advanced past the chipping paint on the walls and the frayed robes the priests wore. it made your stomach churn thinking about how he didn’t remember where he came from. everywhere you turned there were people wanting a photo. you watched eunseok’s demeanor completely change to turn on some sort of charm. you didn’t say a word until you opened up your old desktop, printing out copies of papers from the dusty white printer.

“i didn’t expect to see you here.” eunseok said. you ignored him, only focusing on the sound of the old printer doing its best. you wish you could say you hated giving him the cold shoulder. being the one to deny him praise or acknowledgment felt like the justice you had been denied for the past six years.

“are you still mad at me? for leaving?” eunseok said. he moved from the door, coming to stand near your desk.

“i don’t care. you did what you did with your life eunseok.” you refuse to look at him as you speak.

you can hear his feet tap on the ground. being so cold is against your religious practices but you didn’t mind hell if it meant denying him heaven. you imagine someone like the eunseok that stood before you reveled in the attention good or bad. without any attention you think he would shrivel up like a plant without sun.

“i wanted to see you. but i couldn’t leave.” eunseok is standing beside you now. he crouches, look up at you trying to see your eyes. you focus your eyes so hard on the desktop that the typed words start to become blurry.

when he gets on his knees in front of you then look at him. your eyes are wide and shocked as he looks to you with genuine sadness. you are shocked to see eunseok look so lost. he has always been so sure of himself. the same person that projected confidence onstage was groveling at your feet.

“i know what you think of me.” he whispered.

the assumption of knowing you makes you bristle. if he knew you he would’ve never left you alone all those years ago.

“you don’t know anything.” you feel your years of being misunderstood bubble up to the surface. you spitting words quietly at eunseok is the only thing that keeps the anger at bay.

“i don’t know anything.” eunseok agrees with you. seeing him so easily give up makes you instantly regret your rage. your first instinct is to forgive him, to say sorry for being so cold. but then you think about the dust you brushed off your knee when you got up from the altar. you let out a sigh. nothing feels right anymore.

“you could’ve atleast called.” you say quietly.

“they wouldn’t let us have phones. i only recently got mine back.” eunseok says. he shuffles even closer to you, placing a kiss on your clothed knee. “the first thing i did with the money i’ve earned was to try and pay you back. to show you how sorry i am.”

having someone where eunseok was at in life look to you for forgiveness made you confused. after years of being denied autonomy, only becoming an extension of something else. when eunseok was here, you were an extension of him. when he left you became an extension of church, maybe even of god himself. but now you had eunseok kneel before you and talk to you as your own person. how did he not forget about you after all of that time. why did he rememberyou to the point that he made a donation to your church to apologize. you use your hand to tilt eunseok’s chin up. he finds your eyes, placing a hand over yours. you lean over to his shoulder.

“you’re pretty loved now. people treat you like a god. like you can change the world.” you say. eunseok nods his head. he agree with anything you said to him.

you looked down at eunseok, on his knees kissing your legs. he had lifted up your dress to get more access to your skin. after you get up from the chair you stand before eunseok. you think about the statue that hung above the altar the last timed you prayed. even though it’s been years since you looked to god for answers, you will never forget the desperation that rolled off of you in waves. it’s the same desperation that filled the room, the same desperation that filled eunseoks’ eyes. you felt like god now, extending a forgiving olive branch to someone who wronged you.

eunseok looks up to you from your feet. he had always been so much taller than you. now it seems like he had shrunk himself under your gaze.

“but whose altar do you bow to, eunseok? is it still gods’?” you ask.

eunseok looks at you deep in the eyes. it’s still the same eyes that left you alone all that time ago, the same eyes you thought about in the confines of your bed.

“i bow to his altar only to pray for your forgiveness. i feel devotion for you and you alone.” eunseok says.

“people call you a nonbeliever. is that true?” you ask.

“i believe in you. isn’t that enough?” eunseok says with a solemn expression on his face. he goes back to kissing your body. he lifts your dress higher and higher, exposing even more skin. he kisses up to your knee, lifting more of your dress. he looks to you one final time before you pinch the fabric of your dress. you lightly pull up your hands, exposing your mid thigh. he purposely puts the end of your dress in the palm of your hands, letting you control how much of your skin he gets to kiss.

he sucks and kisses on the exposed skin, working from your right calf up. when he gets to the highest part of your exposed body he works his way down the other leg. you stand in front of the powerful man. the same lips that will eventually address a nation kiss you timidly, like you are going to run away. the same hands that will write legislature pull you close. you slowly lean back until you’re sitting on the edge of your computer desk. you bring a leg up to prop it on the chair. eunseok looks to you as you bring the fabric of your dress to rest underneath your chin.

“i want to worship you,” eunseok looks up from a kiss placed on your thigh. his fingers enclose on the waistband of your panties. he looks to you for approval, for permission to go further. “i want to show you how regretful i am. how apologetic i feel.”

“then do it.” you say.

without missing a beat, eunseok pulls your panties down your legs. he’s delicate with the way he removes them, lifting you legs so you don’t have to do any of the work. eunseok crumbles the pair into his pants pocket. you don’t ask for it back, the image of him treating your undergarmets like a rosary, gripped in his hand while he tries to remember what gods touch felt like. he put large hand on the back of your thighs and lifts. you have a leg over his shoulder and the other still is in the chair. you lean back on your desk. you think about your body weight straining the old oak. if it breaks, you will just ask your loyal devotee to buy you a new one.

eunseok doesn’t take his eyes off of you, looking for visual cues on what to do next. he places sweet kisses on the area surrounding your heat. you lift your hips he brings an arm from your thigh to rest on your stomach, holding you in place. he doesn’t dare to tell you what to do, just hoping you will listen to his physical pleas for control.

he places a single kiss on your core. you ball the end of your dress and put it inside of your mouth to try and muffle any sounds you may make. eunseok goes back to placing kisses on your thigh. he grabs your hand and places it on his head. you immediately use your hand to hold his soft brown hair. eunseok kisses your heat. he keeps his lips there, continuing to give you chaste kisses. you try to keep your composure but fail when his tongue comes from between his lips. he takes a long stripe and you can feel his tongue inside of you. you moan into the fabric of your dress and bring him closer with your leg behind his back. you are acting on your own volition, using your heels and hand to bring him even closer to your core. with your spare hand you grab eunseok’s hand and squeeze. you feel an absence and look down at eunseok between your legs. he has slick covering his mouth as he looks at you wide eyed.

“can i ask for forgiveness?” eunseok smiles before placing a sweet kiss to your thigh.

“ask god.” your chest heaves with each word. you don’t know when you lost your breath, but each words comes out in rushed huffs.

“i am.” eunseok says before diving back in between your legs.

he’s more aggressive with you this time around. he uses the hand that was holding your stomach down to spread your folds. you keep looking at eunseok, and he pulls back to look you in the eyes again. he spits on your clit and you throw your head back in ecstasy. how can something so filthy feel so exhilarating. you can’t stop thinking about how this is a sin you would die on the cross for. eunseok puts his middle finger inside of you and sucks on your clit. you arch more and more into his mouth, holding his hair tightly. your muffled sounds get higher and higher as eunseok becomes more intense. you close your thighs around him but he doesn’t pull away. his tongue is coated in forgiveness as he bows into your altar. he takes everything, sucking and licking you until you come down from the heaven eunseok took you too.

mindlessly you pull eunseok up to you. he hesitates at first but obliges, letting you gather him into your arms. against your knee, you can feel his hardened length. you think about how you’re ignoring your duties as the one keeping your oratory going. you consider yourself to be a selfish god as you reach for the belt of eunseoks’ slacks.

his hands consume yours. you are forced to look up to him now, as he stands taller than your perch on the desk. his eyes are wide and show you conflicting emotions. he shouldn’t be scared to do what he wants in your home. you decide that you make the rules as you continue to undo his belt.

“you have my forgiveness and maybe a little more than that,” you say. eunseok’s eyes become hooded and his expression becomes hungry. “but now i need you to fuck me like you’re making up for lost time.”

eunseok lets you undo his belt. the unbuckling sound gives his desperation its wings as he goes back to your dress. he unzips the back of the dress and pulls it over your shoulders. it falls forward and you stay in your white lacy bra. you both decide you don’t have enough time to completely abandon your clothing. eunseok takes the lead on undressing himself, unzipping his pants and letting them fall to the ground. he comes back to you and rubs his clothed length against your knee. you moan and tilt your head to see him get lost in the pleasure. you bite your lip looking at him. you can feel him pulsing against you as he lets his head lean back. he’s sighing in relief and you wonder if things stress him out now, if he feels pressure to do well as a politician. you decide wordlessly to take on all his stress and hardship like a good god does. you reach for his briefs and unclothe him. eunseoks’ hard member bobs up and down before pointing straight towards you. it’s angry and red, the tip leaking with precum. eunseok moans from the cold air hitting him. you never took him as the sensitive type.

you reach for him and stroke him gently. eunseok has his eyes closed but finds your shoulder easily, holding onto you to ground himself. his head retreated into your neck as you gently jerked him off. he says something that sounds like a confession into your ear, talking about how he’s never felt this good in his life. how he has only thought about you in moments like these, no matter the circumstance.

“devotion looks pretty on you eunseok.” you whisper into his ear. you guide him to your entrance and eunseok looks between your bodies to see where you two meet.

eunseok kisses your neck as he slowly sinks into you. you tremble and suddenly six years of complicated feelings becomes incredibly simple. you lift you leg that was hanging over the desk to rest on the edge. this angle changes something in eunseok. he pulls away from the crook in your neck and places a confident hand on your bent knee. he doesn’t break eye contact as he pulls all the way out. eunseok’s gaze doesn’t falter when he puts it back in with a hard and fast thrust, one that makes everything on your desk shift. eunseok does it a second time and for a split second your resolve breaks. you only have a little bit of time to compose yourself when eunseok pulls out all the way again. when eunseok does it for the third time you falter, eyebrows contorting in pleasure. eunseok smiles.

“you feel that?” eunseok says.

before you can respond. he changes the pace after seeing you falter. he hips work in a steadfast motion. you can hear things shift out of place and fall off your desk. the floorboard creak from the commotion and your boobs jump in your bra. you have to lean forward and grab eunseok for stability. he hooks his arms underneath your legs pulling you closer to him. the new angle has you whimpering and you can see eunseok’s dress shirt becoming wrinkled under your grip. your whimpers become high pitched and whiny when you hear eunseok’s grunts from above you. everything feels so surreal you forget that you truly are human. you can’t make the pleasure last forever, you must go through the same ups and downs as the rest of humanity. you grip onto eunseok harder and bring him down so you can kiss him. you want to bask in whatever high you are about to feel so you can remember it next time you bow at the altar. eunseok pulls away and quickly pushes things off the desk. he lays you down and puts your ankles behind his head, placing an arm over your thighs to keep your legs straight. this angle has you feeling him drag against your walls and you can feel him hitting a spot deep inside of you. this position makes it easier for eunseok to flick your clit. you shake around him and you can hear the slapping of your skin against his.

“i’m a saint. i want my god to cum first.” eunseok says smiling.

you can barely breathe as the orgasm rakes through your body. you put a hand on his arm that holds your legs and he abandons holding your legs to grip your hand. your legs become loose and eunseok bends them to kiss your face. you can barely focus on kissing him back, too busy trying to make gain control of your senses. everything is flooded with white and gold and sky blue. eunseok becomes rushed and sloppy making your pulsing erratic. you a new wave of pleasure hits you as eunseok throbs inside of you. you can feel years of lost time fill you to the brim and he slumps against you. things on your desk finally still and you breathe out heavily, finally regaining your composure. you can feel eunseok slide out of you and you let your legs dangle over the edge of the desk.

when he settles on your chest you pet his hair, trying to smooth out the strands that stick out in random places. he listens to your heartbeat, you listen to his deep breaths.

it feels like ages before you move from underneath eunseok. you had forgotten how big he is and how comforting it always was being in close proximity to him. eunseok gets off of you and guides you off the desk. you pull your dress back over your bra and eunseok puts on his clothes. as you grab papers from the printer eunseok brushes out your dress to help you look put together again. you return the favor, smoothing down his disheveled hair. you hand him his belt and you fix his crooked vote pin that resides on his lapel. you both do this in silence, working in collaboration to hide your secret church service.

as you fix his cuffs, you can feel his burning gaze. you don’t know why now you feel nervous.

“do you still remember the secret exit we’d take when sneaking out of youth group?” eunseok asks. when you finish with his cuffs you look at him and smile.

“yes. do you?” you ask.

he smile and nods.

“how could i forget?”

#01zfan: eunseok #seriez: sacrilegious #eunseok smut #riize smut

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eternal-echoes · 5 months

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“… can you imagine how many people do not exist today because an STD destroyed their would-be mother's fertility? While some sexually transmitted infections cause minor irritation and inconvenience, others have the capacity to alter the course of human history. This is no exaggeration. If an STD impairs a woman's fertility, and a single child does not come into being, neither will his children or grandchildren. In time, it creates a ripple that prevents the lives of dozens and even hundreds of other people.

Therefore, when a woman practices the virtue of chastity, she not only safeguards her own body. By protecting the treasure of her womb, her abstinence becomes an expression of maternal love that guards the existence of countless generations. If only the idea of purity were expressed to young girls in such a way, how much easier would it be for them to see the connection between love and chastity!

The world considers such logic silly. "Don't be so uptight. Just use protection." Those who promote the outdated concept of safe sex make two grave mistakes. First, they overestimate the effectiveness of the condom in preventing disease. In one study, scientists followed four hundred college girls for a period of about five years. During that time, 6o percent of the girls contracted HPV. The scientists noted, "Always using male condoms with a new partner was not protective."1 It's too bad that the scientists didn't inform the women about the limitations of the condom before they volunteered for the research.

Secondly, it's a dangerous exaggeration to call sex "safe" because a piece of latex is involved. Imagine if a young woman approached us in tears after a broken sexual relationship. Let's say she had given away her virginity and felt devastated upon seeing her ex-boyfriend flirting with other girls weeks after telling her that he "never felt this way about a girl before." Now imagine if we consoled her by saying, "Hey, cheer up. You're not pregnant. You didn't get an STD. You're safe!"

Safe? She's destroyed.

Promoting safe sex makes as much sense as telling a child to wear a helmet if he's going to play in traffic. Just as a helmet would only provide partial protection to part of the body, the condom only offers partial protection to the whole woman. In fact, the idea of safe sex is degrading because it reduces a woman to her genitals: As long as they're protected, she's safe. How about keeping the rest of her safe?

Some may object to such an idea, arguing, "C'mon. Nobody is saying the condom protects you from the emotional aspect of sexuality." But the problem is that nobody seems concerned about that. The culture has become so jaded that we spend billions of dollars handing out condoms without teaching people the difference between love and lust.”

-Jason and Crystalina Evert, How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul

Rachel Winer et al., "Genital Human Papillomavirus Infection: Incidence and Risk Factors in a Cohort of Female University Students," American Journal of Epidemiology 157, no. 3 (2003): 218-26.

#Relationships #dating #love #quotes #Jason Evert #Crystalina Evert #How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul

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feyspeaker · 7 months

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Hi! I made an account just so I could follow your work. Your art is brilliant and honestly and inspiration to where I want to be. I’m an older artist who has all the anxiety when it comes to improving my process. I’m trying to get into digital portraits and I have so many ideas in my head, but it’s frustrating because I’m not where I want to be to make this happen. What are some tricks that help you/software do you use? Of course, you don’t have to share anything that makes you uncomfortable. I currently have procreate and an iPad, but I feel a little lost. Wondering if I need a different writing tablet and photoshop. Not sure. I just eventually want to find that 3D, but also artistic look you are able to achieve.

hey there! thank you so much!!

ultimately, I will sound like a broken record but I always recommend you sign up for local figure drawing or painting classes. have people pose for you at home and sketch with charcoal and paper. go to the zoo and sit down in front on an exhibit for an hour and try to draw the animals in front of you as fast as you can and fill a couple of pages, move on to a new exhibit and do it again!

nothing is more powerful of a tool to learn than whatever writing utensil you have in your purse and the back of a napkin when you see something you'd like to capture. I've spent quite frankly my entire rememberable life doing this. I used to spend every single day in middle school/high school/my brief failed stint in community college with a pack of cheap sharpies and a beat up binder full of old worksheets and homework to draw on the backs of.

drawing/painting from life will teach you better than anything.

I use a very outdated version of Photoshop, and only got a "nice" tablet in the past 7 months.

Also, a huge tip to you and anyone else reading this: do NOT get too focused on a "style" that you want. Obsessing over that just ruined me for years and years. I wanted so, so, so badly to be the next Matsuri Hino when I was a kid. I copied her work religiously and it NEVER looked right. Frustrated me to no end. And you know why my stuff never looked like hers? Because I'm not her! You can't force your art to come out any way that isn't natural, and the sooner you can accept the art your hand wants to create, the happier you'll be and the easier art will get for you.

The past couple of years before I started diving into this more realism based work, I was just shoving myself through trying to make what art I envied of others. Very stylized/textured watercolor comic book style stuff. And I just was NOT getting any better at it. I have always been more inclined toward realism work, but I've hated it and yearned for stylized work. Yoshitaka Amano? God, I just drooled over that artstyle and beat myself up for never being able to capture it in studies or otherwise.

I finally essentially restructured my entire career around making the art that makes me happy instead of what I "wanted" it to look like. I was extremely depressed, my life was falling apart, and I still needed to make art to survive but I couldn't "art" if I was depressed and hated doing it, so I just had to step back and stop worrying so much about what I thought I wanted to make, and started making what felt most natural.

there's no easy way, and art can be a soul destroying path at times, truly. your software and hardware should come very last place compared to practicing from life (it doesn't matter if you want to paint cartoony stuff of realistic stuff, always start from life). naturally you will find what makes your heart sing the most.

I get a lot of messages from people telling me similar stuff "oh your art is EXACTLY what I want to do!" but I promise you that kind of thought process is chasing a dragon that is likely to harm or drag your creative process down. art style is such a deeply personal thing, so of COURSE it's important to find inspiration, but the second looking at someone else's artwork stops inspiring you and starts frustrating you, put it away.

There are some artists who I love, that I do not check up on often because their artwork ignites, like, serious bitter jealousy in me. It's the truth. I get so mad at myself for not being more like them, and it's such a poison. I think more artists should be transparent about this feeling because I KNOW the art community has a lot of jealousy and ugliness in it.

A fact of being an artist is that you will never be completely happy with a piece you make. You are always going to see the flaws, and that doesn't change whether you'd been drawing for 2 months or 20 years. Occasionally, you will get one piece that you are like "how did I make that???" and then get frustrated that you can't recreate it lol! It's a tough beast.

It's just really important to step back and work on yourself and where you are at, because at the end of the day, the way your soul wants to express artwork might be WILDLY different from what your brain wants, and it can be really detrimental to let those two go to war.

I hope this helps. I'm very passionate about this, and when I started out I ALWAYS ignored the artists who gave the same exact tips as above. I thought they were so annoying and unhelpful, but now I /get it/.

#ask

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avesblues2 · 2 years

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Why are people growing afraid of hospitals for birth? I just don't understand because I feel like that's a slanted statistic. Women who have multiples, in premature labor, or require c-section or other high risk pregnancy, they do not have home births on purpose usually. so then you'll only think that means babies are being born healthier at home, but it's because they're low risk pregnancies to begin with.

Because hospitals treat birth like a medical emergency instead of natural, biological process. Most women do not need a c-section. Most births are NOT high risk and some women are even falsely labeled as high risk because of outdated practices and ideologies "pelvis too small" or breech birth. I think breech birth is actually a great example of this new phenomenon of treating birth like a medical emergency. Breech deliverers are NOT a valid reason for a c-section unless baby or mom are in absolute, 100% danger!! The only reason doctors push a c-section is because of money (you should see how much hospitals make from c-sections) and because if something does happen in delivery they are liable. But many midwives will deliver in breech just like any normal birth! Before 2000 breech deliveries weren’t seen as a reason for medical interventions and were actually NORMAL. In 2000 a Term Breech Trial Study showed poor outcomes for vaginal breech births compared to C-sections. Multiple studies came out afterward that proved the study to be flawed or invalid, but it was too late to make a difference. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology had stopped teaching breech deliveries because of this single, biased study and because of profit but almost all midwives are trained to do breech! Another example would be due dates. Hospitals or doctors would label a woman high risk because she's over her due date or past 40 weeks. Inductions carry MORE risk for baby and mom than going over your due date, which due dates aren't even accurate to begin with. I could go on but hospitals, for a low risk mother, are not safer due to the exploitation that occurs. Here's some more minimal examples. Almost all hospitals don't allow you to eat while in labor despite studies showing it's actually good and beneficial for mom to eat whatever she likes to help her energy levels during delivery, women should get the choice. Many hospitals don't allow women to walk around or be in different positions despite walking and go on a yoga ball helping contractions and move along the labor. Nurses fear monger women when they have been in labor "too long" to get induced even if everything is medically fine. Hospitals want a profit from you, the more interventions the higher the bill. Also, your statement near the end doesn't make much sense lol.

#asks

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sabinastanart · 7 months

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I went to the Buddhist temple on Mont-Pèlerin, in Swiss, for the second time, thinking I would spend an hour on meditation like last time. It is really quite inside and despite the amount of details and colours, it is a place that makes me feel peaceful.

Except that the day I went there were events I didn't know about because I didn't check to see if anything was going on. There was a conference in the morning, where a monk spoke in Chinese, I think, about achieving wholesomeness and teh importance of not doing anything unwholesome. What he said was translated in English in real time, but either the translation wasn't very good, or the teachings were a bit outdated or in anycase without relation to the world outside the temple. The monk gave an example about how regret can save you from having your bad deeds "ripen" saying if you do something illegal and get caught and show regret you may not be punished. I mean... Uh... Shouldn't you show regret by accepting your punishment for doing something wrong?... And should you show regret only of you get caught?

Anyway... After the conference and after all the monks and nuns and students went to eat, I stayed in the temple to paint. Some monks came back to prepare a table with food to share after the prayer at 2 pm. While they were preparing the table one of them started to talking to me and when he found out I'm Romanian, he started saying a lot of things that were ignorant, stereotyped and downright racist towards Romani people. He did seem to be aware of stuff when he spoke about the Holocaust, so he isn't as ignorant as he seems, but it also seems that he uses information to further his hate of people, specifically in the case of the Holocaust, of Jews. And than he started saying homofobic stuff, and kept saying "Sorry, it's just my opinion" and went on to say women should make babies and lesbians do not, so that is wrong. Some of the other monks were trying to get him to stop talking, but he kept saying "sorry, it's just my opinion".

I am disappointed to find there are people like this practicing Buddhism. He wasn't even a student, but a monk. However, after searching more on the subject and discovering about the genocide conducted by Buddhists against the Rohingya population in Myanmar, I guess another illusion is gone. Which is nice, because the monk who held the conference in the morning said that we should let go of out delusions. 💁‍♀️

I get it that Buddhists have been persecuted for centuries in India, but that is not excuse for this kind of violence against other people. It's the same narrative the Israelis have...

#buddhism #buddhist temple #history #everything is political #painting #monks #racism #homophobia #genocide #swiss #travel

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hiswordsarekisses · 4 months

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“Today, we observe Memorial Day, in which we are called actively to commend to God the souls of all who gave their lives for His people. As many will kick back and enjoy the holiday, some will applaud the speeches of our elitist handlers, thinking perhaps how fortunate they were to have avoided service, or, having served, not to have been killed in action on behalf of our Nation. Even as a vicious proxy war rages unchallenged by most Americans, there will be those who resent the intrusion of what they consider outdated patriotism in memorializing the Americans who were killed in wars that raged since before we found the cunning to outsource them.

If that seems harsh, like Jesus’ calling not only to obey God’s commandments, but actively to renounce our entire selves in His Love, remember that as we complain of inconveniences we encounter in our lives, these brave men and women’s lives were cut short that something greater than all of us might grow and prosper. That is why we praise each selfless act committed by our heroes and to thank God. As General George S. Patton, Jr. once opined, “It is foolish . . . to mourn the men [and women] who died. Rather, we should thank God that such [stalwarts] lived.” Let us never forget or dismiss the sacrifice of those who gave their lives that we may live in freedom.” ~ Rich Hill

“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” -- John 15:13.

“As Jesus was setting out on a journey, a man ran up, knelt down before Him, and asked Him, ‘Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ Jesus answered him, ‘Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments, ‘You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; you shall not defraud; honor your father and your mother.’ He replied and said to Him, ‘Teacher, all of these I have observed from my youth.’ Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said to him, ‘You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’

At that statement, his face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.”

“Jesus looked around and said to His disciples, ‘How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the Kingdom of God!’ The disciples were amazed at His words so Jesus again said to them in reply, ‘Children, how hard it is to enter the Kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.’ They were exceedingly astonished and said among themselves, ‘Then who can be saved?’ Jesus looked at them and said,

‘For men it is impossible, but not for God. All things are possible for God.’" ~ Mark 10:17-26

“Jesus never ceases to astonish His disciples with His teaching. We recognize their puzzlement in His encounter with an observant Jew who wishes Jesus to bless his efforts to deserve holiness through the mere practice of the commandments. We are told that Jesus “loved him,” and truly He did Love the man because he committed his life to obeying God’s Law. But, we also know that, to those who have much – in this case, faith – more will be required.

We are not told whether he decided, after leaving the Lord’s presence, to renounce his possessions but we may find hope that, with Jesus’ gracious love, he was able to become one in the Lord by converting his impressive beliefs into active faith. Prayer is the conduit to active faith and obedience to God’s Law the instrument to attain it. Faith, we are told by Saint Paul, is useless without works.” ~ Rich Hill

(This was all originally posted by Rich Hill, I just rearranged it.)

❤️🤍💙

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devil-doll13 · 1 year

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Abigail Williams SFW Alphabet 🖤

Tw: Angst, Unhealthy relationship dynamics, mention of Abby killing people because of course.

Note: I’ve done Max’s and Zach’s so now onto Abigail’s. A chunk of this has been sitting in my drafts for a while so some of it is kind of outdated probably, just be aware lol.

This can be read platonically or romantically in most cases

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At first, not at all. Abigail’s a bit shy and even cold if she doesn’t know you well. Once you get past that initial stage though, she actually really loves affection! She is actually incredibly touch-starved but she herself doesn’t know it. Abby barely knows what an actual loving touch feels like to be honest, it’s both frightening and heartwarming all at once.

Doesn’t vibe with too much pda though. She gets too flustered tbh.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Any friendship with Abigail starts off slow. She’s even more wary of strangers now than she was in her youth. One thing that’ll help is if you both show vulnerability in some way, it helps her to connect with you and see you as a trustworthy person. Once that’s established it’ll happen naturally. Doesn’t really have any other (living) friends so you’ll become her bestie by default.

To be honest though it’s a little dangerous to be her friend, as while it’s unlikely she’d ever hurt you intentionally… Black magic is black magic, and since she doesn’t really know what a healthy relationship looks like and is known for various degrees of jealousy and a violent/cruel streak, it could become toxic despite her trying to be harmless for you.

But she’s a ride or die friend. Seriously, trust her to bury the body if you kill someone then take you out for icecream later. Only thing is you need to have that same attitude towards her or she might feel betrayed or something. (You might already have some dubious morals if you’re her friend anyway.)

Of course, by far the most interesting side to being close to her is the possibility that she would take you under her wing as a student. Deep down there is a wish to know someone as knowledgeable in mysticism as she is, but for lack of that person she feels some draw towards teaching it, creating her own little protégé. This is also very practical for her; she may even end up living in your house and turning it into a place for rituals and potion-brewing so be careful lol. It might be for the better if this doesn’t happen tbh, because then she might reach further and develop a whole coven, (teaching is pretty addictive for her, and so is growing in power) just as The Organisation feared she would. Maybe then she’d have a chance of surpassing even Lucy, her infamous witch mother.

C = Cuddle (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Abigail loves loves loves to cuddle! She craves being close and feeling your warmth. It’ll take a while though, so you need to be a little patient here honestly. If you try and get too close too fast she’ll flinch and recoil away instinctively. You both need to go slow at first, and be gentle. If you’re the same way it actually helps oddly enough, because Abby understands and feels less afraid that you’ll mean her harm. Because she’s so angular she isn’t the most comfortable, but she tries.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Abigail honestly loves the idea of domesticity, but she only keeps it as a distant fantasy in her head. She never knew what it really felt like to have a family that actually loved her so she sometimes thinks about that now and again. It feels like a distant dream for Abby though, so she fools herself into believing she’s happier alone so she can focus on her occult studies. It’s something that’s slowly eroding away the little semblance of humanity she still has left.

She’s a pretty good cook and baker! Her signature is definitely pie. Especially apple pie. It’s kind of relaxing for her since it’s such a mundane task. Don’t be afraid, It tastes and smells nice, if only she had someone to share it with yeah?

Abigail also likes to keep things relatively clean, but it does sometimes get a bit cluttered… She’ll organise everything now and again to make sure it doesn’t get too out of control. Sometimes she does lose things, partially because she doesn’t have a stable home.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Abigail goes hard for the commitment so it takes a lot for her to think about ending things unless you do something really drastic yourself. Honestly I could see her as putting up with toxic behaviour in exchange for ‘love,’ just because she needs it that badly, and getting into an extremely dysfunctional dynamic because you’re both terrible for each other. Not that that would end well for anyone involved, of course.

… But if it’s some kind of cheating or betrayal (especially if you help the witch hunters on her tail…), she’ll really have nothing else to say to you. That’s really her limit and breaking point. She won’t hurt you back because there’s a part of her that still loves you, but anything you had is gone now. She’ll leave in the dead of night without a trace. As if she never existed in your life at all. Don’t ever try to go looking for her, it won’t end well.

F = Fiancé(e) (how do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Abigail really needs commitment in a relationship honestly. She can’t do casual stuff, she could never be vulnerable with someone she doesn’t trust completely.

Abby doesn’t care for a big wedding or anything, she’d rather just elope with you and marry informally, preferably far away from a church. She loves the idea of exchanging rings as a symbol of devotion to eachother, though. She’ll never take hers off. It makes her heart feel strangely warm when she looks at it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Abby’s typically very gentle. Soft soft touches like you’re made of porcelain, it literally doesn’t matter how strong/tough you are, if she’s your friend she’ll always try to be cautious with you. It might seem surprising if you’ve ever seen her with… A victim before, since that’s when she’s at her most brutal, physically. She can switch it up in a heartbeat for you, but don’t forget there’s still that vindictive side to her.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Once again… Making herself physically vulnerable to someone will take time and trust. Especially getting that close. (She remembers the last time she let someone hug her… It didn’t turn out well)

Her hugs are gentle, she seems to be a bit delicate in the way she wraps her arms around you and squeezes just ever so slightly. She’s not always the best at comforting others but she tries. Abby feels a bit bony though so careful of her sharp little elbows.

I = I Love You (How fast do they say the L-Word?)

Abigail loves you before she can even stop herself. Honestly, it’s a 50/50 whether she’s fast or slow to say it. She thinks it over in her head before she says it, like with most things. But those words feel foreign to her; she honestly doesn’t remember if anyone ever told her they loved her. If you say it first, she’ll probably get emotional and say it back immediately. She enjoys saying it to you and hearing it back. It’s a verbal confirmation to her.

Just know you aren’t going back from this if she can help it…

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

… Abigail has a jealousy problem, honestly. Borderline possessive, even. In her mind, if you’re in a committed relationship then you belong to her as much as she belongs to you. That might not be the healthiest, but it can be worked on over time. She can be like this with friends too, she has never really had a friend group so it’s hard for her to adjust to one. In the end, she’s just insecure and afraid you’ll leave her. It can be managed better with some time and communication.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Abigail kisses gentle and soft, whether as a platonic gesture on the head or a romantic one on the lips. She’s a little shy at first, so she visibly blushes afterward. She enjoys it though.

(She might end up leaving lipstick marks behind too… By accident or on purpose? Hmm…)

L = Little Ones (How are they around children)

Abigail’s alright with children as an adult actually. She tends to gravitate towards the quieter, more wallflower types like she was as a kid. She enjoys indulging their curiosity too.

As an aside, children tend to either love her or be afraid of her. Not that she tries to scare them at all, it’s just the way they react to her presence. Especially babies. Just like when she was a kid and she couldn’t hide her true nature as well. It’s a coin toss really.

M = Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

Abigail really has her own day and night cycle… But assuming she’s staying in one place with you closeby, she’ll probably adjust out of necessity.

She isn’t a morning person, I’ll tell you that much. Abby also has wicked bedhair, it’s quite comical. She’ll get up and get herself looking how she wants and probably do breakfast if she needs to. Her go-to is pancakes or cereal, but to be honest she’s been known to skip it.

Abigail really lives her whole life at night. At least it feels that way; the day is just time she spends waiting for the sun to go down. At least the natural lighting helps when it comes to art and studying, and the autumn leaves look nice in the light. That’s basically it though.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

I’ve talked before about her having fun in the graveyard, so I’ll talk about the other stuff.

Mostly, if Abigail is keeping to herself that means she’s doing magic, studying or up to something else you hope won’t backfire… There’s always so much to read and not enough time, so you might have to actually remind her to take a break before she misses both dinner and breakfast the next day.

Long drives at night where she’ll just sit in silence and listen to music. Sometimes she’ll turn off the car and just sit alone in the dark. She thinks a lot during those times. You might never know what about. Abby also likes going to places with music, assuming it’s the kind she likes. She’s pretty selective about it because crowds in any other environment are irritating to her, but basically if they’re playing Sisters of Mercy it’s fine. You’d be surprised by how much she loves dancing too, though you’ve never seen anyone quite move like she does; it’s a bit unnerving. Anyway dance with her, it’ll be fun!

There are times she’ll practically be nocturnal; awake at night and asleep during the day. If you ever wake up in bed and she’s not there, or she’s not in her own bed, it’s probably because she woke up from her dreams again. Late night talks and baking sessions can become a habit if you join her. You might even get a glimpse of what she dreams about.

O = Open (When do they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Hoo boy… Yeah, this girl has some secrets. Vulnerability, in its truest form, is hard for Abigail. It takes a long time for her to really open up. It sometimes comes in short bursts, like she’ll just say something that might feel out of the blue, but really she’s testing the water to see how you’ll react. If you react in a way she deems good it will help a little, but it’s hard to know how you ‘should.’ Both overreactions and ‘underreactions’ are dangerous, she will clam up if she feels she revealed too much too fast.

Sometimes it’s for your sake as well, or at least she believes that. You might think you know her well, but will you ever know her truly? Perhaps not…

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Abigail is typically quite a patient and calm person, at least on the surface. She certainly has… A bit of emotional instability, which really shows in moments of distress, rage or when her ego is hurt. Or sometimes she’s just overwhelmed and stressed by something, which can make her frustrated. She’ll feel pretty bad if she snaps at you and you didn’t deserve it, though. Abby will definitely apologise later because she fears ruining your friendship, but that doesn’t mean she won’t do it again tbh.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Abby prides herself on knowing you well. Like everything you tell her about yourself she carefully stores it away for safekeeping. She kind of studies you, like you’re one of her tomes full of esoteric knowledge or something. Also, if you ever tell her a secret or open up to her about something difficult… She never takes that for granted. She knows herself how hard it can be to make yourself vulnerable to others and trust them in that way, and she would never betray that trust you put in her. She’ll seriously take your secrets to the grave.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in their relationship?)

You were both driving around the pitch black, in the middle of winter when it was snowing heavily. Just listening to music in absolute silence. Just enjoying eachother’s company, admiring the scenery outside, all the ice and snow and the moonless night.

Something about that just struck her as special.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Abigail may not have the physical capability to protect you or shield you from harm, but know that if you’re her friend, she definitely has the means to hurt and torment them. Seriously, you have this sorceress just waiting for someone to fuck up and warrant a punishment. They’ll probably end up dead if she’s pissed off enough… Hope you’re ok with that. You gotta remember she’s a witch after all, and by befriending her you’ve basically made a pact with someone like the devil. She can teach you, if you like.

She’s shocked if you try to do the same with her, but she definitely feels very touched by it. Suffice to say, Abigail has never really had someone try to protect her before. The fact that you think she’s even worth the effort really means a lot.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks)

Dates/outings with Abigail can really depend on how you both feel and what you want to do. It can be anything to a fancy dinner to just driving around aimlessly, she’ll enjoy both. Anniversaries don’t matter to her that much tbh, she appreciates your relationship (platonic or romantic) every day anyway.

Abby likes to help you with different things, especially with cooking because she knows she’s good at that. She kinda has the habit of going passively into orbit around you sometimes, just quietly enjoying your company. It can come off as a bit creepy the way she stares at times honestly… Like she’s tryna leech off your positive vibes

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Um… Aside from the fact that she’s a murderer? And she’s definitely killed innocent people before?? And she’ll probably continue to do so???

A real relationship-killer can be her habit of being so closed off and hiding things. Seriously, it’s a really bad habit, she doesn’t even mean to do it half the time, it’s like she thinks you just don’t need to know, ever. Also some of her jealous and possessive behaviour, I could see that getting out of hand. It needs to be addressed and dealt with immediately while it’s small, or it could become something more insidious… Her idea of what constitutes loyalty is kind of concerning too, because she’d definitely try to get you to do a blood pact tbh. That gets even worse if she takes you on as a student of some kind, because now she needs to make sure you don’t leak her secrets or take advantage of the power she’s bestowed upon you; it’s natural for her to want the upper hand in everything, including your relationship.

Really, there are plenty of reasons why a relationship with Abigail isn’t advisable, too many to list here.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

A little vain, to be honest. Of course she is, she’s a sorceress! Always likes to have her hair in place and her makeup flawless. She feels a bit naked without it.

(Inside she is more insecure, more self-critical of the strange creature she sees when she looks in the mirror. Her lifeless complexion, all of her ugly scars and all the bones jutting out at odd angles. She hides behind her makeup and fancy clothes; it is a kind of spell she casts, an illusion. If she removes it, will you see the real her, the monster? The vile abomination, see the rot and maggots writhing underneath? Will you leave her, then?)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Abigail doesn’t do casual relationships, platonic or romantic. But honestly, sometimes she gets overly attached way too fast, or even projects feelings that aren’t there. She’s the kind to believe in soulmates too. Once you’re in her heart for real, you’re in there forever, until either of you dies.

But this is Abigail we’re talking about here. Even death can’t keep you apart in the end…

X = Xtra: (A random headcanon for them)

Abigail’s attraction to poetry as an art form comes mainly from the fact that she felt like she couldn’t express her feelings to anyone when she was younger. It all comes out in that; a little stereotypical, maybe. She has an easier time writing stuff down instead of saying it sometimes.

If you become her friend/s/o I can see you becoming something of a muse, so expect gifts of artworks she feels are adequate enough. She doesn’t wanna come off as creepy or anything you see, it’s not like she uh watches you constantly or anything…

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

People not respecting her personal space/privacy, those who can’t keep secrets/are gossipy, pressure to open up before she’s ready, cheating, betrayal

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Abigail sleeps like the dead. Once she’s out, she barely moves. She is cold, her heartbeat only faint. Even her breathing slows to an extreme degree. It’s actually slightly unnerving how lifeless she appears. It reminds you that she actually did die, once.

(Taglist: @rottent33th, @slaasherslut, @the-pinstriped-hood, @goldrose-star, @soupbabe, @bluecoolr, @flower-crowned-lady, @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better, @solmints-messyocdiary, @probably-a-plant-thing, @myers-meadow)

#I started this soon after Max’s but I never finished it until now #Abigail Williams #Abigail #alphabet #sfw alphabet #my writing

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spryfoxglove · 1 year

Text

Why I hate “Just Do Some Witchcraft” as an answer to the “How Do I Become a Witch?” question:

I get the theory behind answering the question like this. It’s so that baby witches (like myself) don’t feel intimidated by the work it takes or effort to put into becoming a witch. It’s to say there is no “one true way” to practice and become a witch. But it is SO LACKING in context that this answer really does a disservice to those wanting to stick a toe in the magick water so to speak.

“Okay well how do I do witchcraft then?”

Well, first you have to take a history lesson. You can’t just jump in and start doing things right away. Comb through dozens of books, books that have been discredited, books that have outdated or flat out incorrect information, books by problematic authors, etc etc. until you… I don’t know…feel knowledgeable enough on the history? What does that mean? When does the time come that you FEEL you know enough when you are a solitary practitioner with only yourself to guide you? I understand why having some background context and historical significance is important to practicing. Mostly, I just feel that it’s to make sure when we (eventually) start reading through witchcraft books with practical application, that we are not appropriating other cultures or in some way making ourselves look like racist fools because we followed 100% of what some bigot 50 years ago told us to do.

What they don’t say is that reading and weeding through piles of muck is fucking tiring and time consuming and mentally draining. You have to read everything critically. And while there is nothing wrong with that as a practice, wouldn’t it just be nice if someone could write up an updated book explaining all the incorrect information and getting to the golden nugget at the center? That just seems like so much less work for folks to do when the idea of “becoming a witch” is already feeling like such a monumental task.

“Okay fine, I read history, I took notes, I got the gist, now what?”

Well now…and I hate to break it to you…it’s MORE CRITICAL READING. Beginner witchcraft books, words easily digestible, practices simplified, often seem to be riddled with problematic and/or outdated authors. Works are either too sexist, material is outdated or again, flat out incorrect, the author is a shady person that did shady things and we shouldn’t associate with them, too much religious connotation (like how Wicca and Witchcraft were often used synonymously), etc. This makes finding a place to start FUCKING HARD! I absolutely cannot sugar coat that. Who do you start with? How do you find an author that has a practice that feels similar to yours or where you want to go/how you want to shape your practice? How do you know that their information is credible over another author? Things like cited sources obviously exists, but lots of books have cited sources, and that doesn’t mean the info between them all reads the same.

When we look to knowledgeable folks in the community who try to teach and share, I feel as though these are always the first two big hits that get played. Stop telling people “just do some witchcraft” if they want to be a witch when you provide further information that proves (in your eyes) that it is SO MUCH MORE than that. You owe people an upfront and honest answer when they ask this question. And here’s the thing - there’s nothing wrong with the answer being more involved! If you as a “source” in the community truly believe in this method, then you need to lay it out in a way that isn’t misleading. Tell folks it’s work. Give them realistic expectations. Give them RESOURCES. Explain, step by step, in excruciating detail what you did and how you did it and what books you read and what facts you checked, etc etc etc! While everyone’s craft is their own, I wouldn’t expect any two teachers(?) to have the same exact path they followed to get here. But y’all need to show your work!

#witchcraft #secular witchcraft #solitary witch #how to become a witch

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betteradvice · 2 months

Text

Eliminating Negativity From Your Environment

Overcoming Single Mom Stigma:

The chances are you’re feeling a mix of excitement, anxiety, and maybe a bit of “tell me this gets better?” Let’s chat about navigating the sometimes choppy waters of single motherhood, dealing with those pesky stigmas, and coming out on top!

Identifying Toxic Relationships

First things first, let’s talk about the people in your life. You know, those people who leave you feeling like you just ran a marathon after a five-minute conversation? Yeah, those are the toxic ones we need to address…so draining!

Toxic relationships are like that one pair of pre-pregnancy jeans you’re holding onto – they might have fit once, but now they’re just making you uncomfortable. Look out for signs like feeling constantly drained, disrespected, or like you’re walking on eggshells. If someone’s always trying to control you, criticize you, or isolate you from your support network, it’s time to reassess that relationship. When i say reassess, you know I mean distance yourself if you can.

Remember, a healthy relationship should make you feel supported and respected, not like you’re auditioning for a role in your own life. Stop doubting yourself or putting everyone else’s needs before your own. You’re growing a human – you deserve all the support and respect in the world!

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Think of boundaries as your personal forcefield – they protect you from energy vampires and keep your sanity intact.

Start by getting clear on what you need and what you’re willing to accept. Maybe it’s telling your mom that unsolicited parenting advice is off-limits, or letting your friends know that 9 PM is your new “do not disturb” time. Whatever it is, communicate it clearly and calmly.

You have to enforce those boundaries. It might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re not used to putting yourself first. But trust me, it gets easier with practice. Plus, setting boundaries now is great practice for when you’re teaching your little one about respecting others.

Overcoming Social Stigma

Social stigma is a classic "elephant in the room". Unfortunately, some people still have outdated ideas about single moms. But guess what? Their opinions are about as relevant as last year’s celebrity gossip. I heard someone say this once "your opinion of me is non of my business". I loved that.

Instead of hiding away or internalizing that negativity, let’s flip the script. Educate people about the realities of single parenthood. Share your story (if you’re comfortable). Show them that single moms are awesome and that some of the greatest people came out of single mom families like Barak Obama just to name one.

Building a strong support network is key here. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not drag you down. And remember, you’re not alone in this. There are millions of single moms out there doing it tough every day.

Navigating Co-Parenting Dynamics

If the baby’s father is in the picture, navigating that relationship can be… interesting, to say the least. The key here is communication, communication, and more communication. (Did I mention communication?)

Talk about your parenting approaches, how you’ll divide responsibilities, and your plans for the future. Remember, it’s okay if dad takes a little longer to bond with the baby – everyone’s journey is different.

If things get rocky, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. A counselor can give you tools to communicate effectively and focus on what’s best for your little one. And while we’re on the topic, it’s worth brushing up on your legal rights as a single parent. Knowledge is power. Above all though, drum this into your baby fathers head "it's all about the child and not about you two".

Fostering Positivity at Home

Your home is your sanctuary, so let’s make it a positive place for you and your little one. No, I’m not talking about a Pinterest-perfect nursery (although if that’s your jam, go for it!). I’m talking about creating an atmosphere of love, respect, and encouragement.

Start by showing appreciation for the little things. Maybe it’s thanking your belly for growing such an awesome baby, or praising yourself for making it through another day of morning sickness. Encourage teamwork, even if it’s just you and your bump for now. Use phrases like “We’ve got this!” to reinforce that sense of unity.

And hey, while you’re at it, why not make your physical space as positive as your mental space? Open those curtains, add some plants, and declutter. A tidy space can do wonders for your mood.

Cultivating Mental Strength

Last but definitely not least, let’s talk about building that mental muscle. Being a single mom requires resilience and a positive mindset – think of it as your superpower.

Start by practicing positive thinking. I know it sounds cheesy. But neuroscience backs this up – you can actually rewire your brain to be more positive over time so that's pretty cool.

Create a “positivity reservoir” by focusing on the good things in your life, no matter how small. Approach challenges with an open mind, and remember that setbacks are just temporary speed bumps on your journey.

Conclusion:

Being a single mom isn’t easy, but it’s incredibly rewarding. You’re showing your little one what strength, independence, and love really look like.

Don’t let anyone make you feel less than amazing for choosing this path. You’re not just a mom – you’re a teacher, a provider, and a nurturer all rolled into one fabulous package.

So hold your head high, set those boundaries, surround yourself with positivity, and remember that you’ve got this. You’re part of an incredible community of strong, resilient single moms who are changing the world one diaper at a time.

Here’s to you – may your mocktails be sugar-free, your naps be long, and your journey be filled with love, laughter, and lots of baby cuddles.

Cheers,

Alex

#SingleMomPregnancy #SoloPregnancyJourney #PregnancyChecklist #ExpectingAlone #SingleParentPregnancy #PregnancyTips #SingleMomToBe #PregnancyPlanning #SoloMomPrep #PregnancyGuide #SingleAndPregnant #MomToBe #PregnancyResources #IndependentMotherhood #PregnancyAdvice

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becca4leafclover · 5 months

Note

Ok that’s a relief, I probably shouldn’t be too mean because I myself am a writer and have Favourite Guys, don’t want to be a hypocrite. I’ve just read stories before where the writer had an Obvious Favourite that I didn’t care for and I was worried Starlighter would be going down the same path.

Anyways, I kinda like BobaFlint as a ship name, it sounds like Boba Fett and that’s funny. If I had to suggest a proper name it would probably be something like PopRock.

On a different note, isn’t it kinda funny how so far, Everston’s classes include history, potions, cryptidology, dark magic and fighting? Like imagine going to highschool and your classes include history, chemistry, biology, crime and karate lol. Where is math and English? Are these kids not gonna learn to spell because they’re too busy learning spells?

(Of course they could be in My Heartstopper, I just haven’t watched it yet)

POPROCKS IS A SUCH GOOD NAME FOR THEM YOURE SO GIGANTIC BRAINED FOR THAT

LOOK ABOUT THE CLASSES- there probably ARE some like. Normal classes but those aren't ✨️interesting to write about✨️ also Everston is said to be a highly prestigious and specialized school, so Magiclicas probably don't have as many Normal classes and they're focused on more magical things? Vs ciphers have their own curriculum that maybe teaches more of our world's fundamental stuff while also twisting it to be "You are subordinate to Magiclicas" propaganda shoved down their throats.

LOL ALSO DARK MAGIC ISNT CRIMINAL HERE CLEARLY!! (At least not for Magiclicas... [redacted])

This is also me getting into "I don't fully remember the lore but I'm going off vibes of what I remember" but I believe that since the creation of Magiclicas, they've often been having to defend themselves- from those wanting to steal their power, probably putting down uprisings in places that magic oppresses the non-magic, other Magiclicas fighting for other things, and dealing with magical creatures that were created the same way Magiclicas were. Everston definitely isn't the only place in the Starlighter world! (Even if I don't know if or when we're going to get around to talking about them at this rate.) Displays of magic and combat may be one of the few ways that these different places all can relate too.

But because of this history of using magic in defensive and combat situations, I'm assuming that Everston's magic classes are probably based off of a (Possibly outdated) need for students to learn it. Whether it's outdated or not, they ARE arguably still useful in just teaching students to practice and hone their magic skills, to get them thinking how to solve problems with their special skills and teaching more generic magics that all Magiclicas can use but most people don't if they can use their special abilities. Most Magiclicas probably are trained to some extent in magic combat, but not all as extensively as Everston students are by the time they graduate.

Also, students are currently 15-17 as first year students at Everston (Thea is 16 in her entrance exam.) They DO know how to spell and read and write and do math stuff! Just that no one here is probably taking AP lit classes LOL

#becca rambles #becca answers #starlighter #starlighter mcrp

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lethargical-lily · 2 years

Note

heya! I was wondering how the dorm leaders would react to a eah!cerise hood!yuu? and if you write for ruggie or jack, then can you add them too? NO PRESSURE

Dorm Leaders + Ruggie & Jack x Male!EAH!Cerise Hood!Yuu

When I was writing one of my current posts I actually had this exact thought

(Also I’m so sorry on the wait :,))

🌹Riddle Rosehearts🌹

He admires your loyalty to those you love but at first he thinks you’re just like everyone in Savanclaw

But even if you may be a rebel you know how to get along with royals

Once he understands that you’re not just some energetic rule breaker like many people there and actually sees what lies beneath he enjoys you’re company

He doesn’t completely relate to you’re feelings of having to hide yourself but he sympathizes nonetheless

He would very much encourage you to bd more proud of your appearance and let go of the prejudice notions instilled in you back at EAH

I do not know why at all but I just have a feeling that Cerise would memorize and follow all of the 800+ rules

I seriously cannot decipher why you just would

But you don’t make others follow them, you find them entertaining but definitely nonsense

You would insist of serving him tea whenever you can because your love language is most definitely service

You suck at croquet but that’s an excuse for Riddle to do the typical Teaching You How To Play Golf With a Small Heaping of Romantic TensionTM

You both are oblivious to what this looks like but Cater is snapping pictures left and right

He likes to dress you in formal Heartslaybul attire because you just match so well with it

A lot of dates are picnics in the rose maze because he knows how much picnics mean to you in you’re family experience

With the hedgehogs ofc

Also likes playing catch with you, he likes how happy it makes you

Carry him bridal style while running full speed is 👌

He’s beet red tho

🦁Leona Kingscholar🦁

The vibe here is old married couple

I don’t know why but it is

I think you guys would get to know each other through spelldrive practice

You show up since it’s probably to track and field you can get and you’re a bit competitive

Leona’s jaw is nearly on the ground when he sees a (presumed) human with essentially no special traits run fucking CIRCLES around the entire class

At one point to really test you they probably put you against the entire team

You won

And boy that is HOT

Forget herbivore you’ve been upgraded to LIONESS

Yes ik you’re a guy but gendered terms are outdated take it up with Vil see what happens

He attempts to court you and you would definitely pick it up quickly it’s more the disbelief that he would want to

Once you accept it’s like those dog/cat relationships you see on google images

Exhibit A

He’s a lazy lion with a hyperactive wolf bf

Perfection

If you sleep he flops on top of you

If he sleeps you physically drag him out of bed to play a game or smthg

Lots of play fighting but not very frequently

He finds entertainment in throwing a frisbee a watching you catch it

🐺Jack Howl🐺

Did you know that when wolves mate they mate for life?

That's the vibe here

There may be plenty of other students with a wolf heritage at school but there's just something different about you

He's sort of intrigued by your mysterious aura and wants to get to know you better but he's kind of embarrassed to

If he ever sees you running he would definitely want to ask you to race

You're the only person in school who could beat him and that's when he knows he would want to pursue something more with you

Just about everyone in school knows of your wolf heritage even though you try to hide it, most people didn't even know that you were hiding it

It’s kind of a breath of fresh air when you realize you don’t have to hide yourself since people just. Don’t care

Unlike EAH, wolf hybrids are very common in Twisted Wonderland meaning you’re just what you wanted to be, normal

And even though you would love whoever you end up with there’s something special about being with specifically a wolf hybrid partner because they understand the small and the big things that come with being part wolf

For instance, play fighting

Lets just say play fighting is a TIME for anyone involved

You throw Jack across the room and he rushes back with the same fervor

Everyone evacuates the area since they think it’s an intense lover’s quarrel but you both are just discussing what you want for lunch

Idk if wolves hunt for each other but let’s say you guys do

By that I mean you both try to be at the front of the cafeteria line to get whatever the other wants

It’s cute puppy love :)

🍩Ruggie Bucchi🍩

You and Jack are twins he swears

If you and him are any ounce of close you’d be adamant on helping him with his errands

No matter how much he tries to deny it he has a soft spot for trusting underclassman

They’re just too nice for a place like Savanclaw even if they are physically strong

He would probably fall for you if you get him a donut with some line like “I saw this and though of you/thought you might want it”

He’s a simple man, feed him, don’t be a dick, and you’re in

There’s less of those types of people here than one would think

Fun fact hyenas are scientifically faster than wolves

Meaning he could definitely match up with you in a race

But your reflexes and physical strength has him all 😳

Strong but caring people are definitely his type

Especially when you say “How about you take a nap while I take care of the rest of your jobs?”

He will implode and ask you to marry him

You just kiss him and run off to finish his duties

He can and will think about that moment the rest of his life

Since I can’t imagine either of you are very rich there’s a lot of DIY dates that you guys put together

DIY as in low budget/home activities

But any time spent with you is time well spent for him

Since he probably does Leona’s homework and is an upperclassman himself he would give you all the answers to everything and more dw

🐙Azul Ashengrotto🐙

Definitely DEFINITELY tried to bank on your physical prowess

I think at first you guys wouldn’t like each other because Azul sees you as naive while you see him as someone who takes advantage of others

It’s not until after his overblot and explanation of his background that you two can really see eye to eye

He’s one of the few people that relates with pretty much all of your own insecurities

Bullied for looks/heritage? Check

Came to hate yourself? Check

Forced to hide who you really are? Check

NRC has been the saving grace for both of you

After his overblot you visit the lounge often which gives him more courage to actually talk to you

You both are equally embarrassed trying to flirt/initiate anything

It’s probably the tweels that officially got you together

You both are each other’s #1 support

He teaches you how to swim instead of just doggy paddling and you give him some tips on how to up his grades in PE

After some time you guys just kind of know each other like the backs of your hands so you both know what triggers each other’s insecurities + the best way to deal with it

You enjoy helping him at the Monstro Lounge and he just likes you being there

I’m sure there’s plenty of people attempting to hit on you and if that happens they’re either banned or are now required to work for free

Azul may not do many contracts now but one of the few he always has people sign when they walk in specifies that customers do not hit on workers unless in a romantic relationship

He acts like he did it for everyone but he truly did it just for you

I think he would open up an arm wrestling game with you against any challenger

If you win (which you always do because you’re strong asf) you get paid

Business man octopus and his trustworthy puppy bf❤️

🥳Kalim Al-Asim🥳

You’re someone who likes to help others where you can which includes party planning

That’s something Kalim loves about you, you’re always eager to help

You also love how kind and giving he is

He may be genuinely naive but you think he deserves to see the best in others

That doesn’t mean you’re not protective of him against anyone who may wanna take advantage

This includes Jamil

Tbh I may be a little biased because I think there are many ways that Jamil deserved to have the anger he did and you feel the same way, but that doesn’t mean you liked it

You were one of the first to pick up on his hatred towards Kalim and actively tried to protect him from it

After the whole overblot incident (which you definitely saw coming) you sympathize with Jamil a little and try to have Kalim understand his position

You still give Jamil the stink eye if he gives you reason to be war of him

But back to fluffier hc

He shows up to any spelldrive practice of yours he can and be the loudest when cheering you on with no embarrassment

At spell drive tournaments you’re probably on his team in which case he’s constantly flirting with you during the match

Y’all would’ve lost if it wasn’t for your physical prowess

If you’re not on his team he still flirts but he has a new vigor when matched against you

There’s something homoerotic about being put against your bf in a game

Magic carpet ride picnics😳

🦚Vil Schoenheit🦚

Anyone from EAH automatically has a sense for fashion

Even though you do when it comes to important events that doesn’t entirely apply to everday life

It’s less about having lower fashion sense and more about the fact that you two just don’t share the same views on self-care and beauty

In fact he really likes your fashion, it fits you very well

But you’re rugged with style while Vil’s entire vibe is just overall regal

Meaning lots of skin care tips since you have a habit of playing in the woods

This is giving very much beauty and the beast and I’m kind of living for it

You’re like his loyal guard dog and he adores you and spoils you very much

Rook finds you incredibly interesting and studies you as though he has intention to hunt you

You hide behind Vil anytime he’s around like this

Lots of ear scratches and exercise together

The rivalry between Vil and Neige is one you both don’t understand but feel all too familiar with

Any time he feels his insecurities arise against Neige you probably give him a pep talk about Royals and Rebels and how he can choose his own destiny

It cheers him up :)

He thinks it’s just a bunch of metaphors but when he hears this is genuinely about your own world he’s lowkey interested

👾Idia Shroud👾

You guys are both loners so you probably met while you were each wandering the halls alone

His hair is what gets your attention

You’re used to fire magic in school but this feels like another level

With you being a loner he feels like you both have an unspoken bond, which only gets stronger when he work up the courage to ask you to play a game with him

Anything that has to do with hand eye coordination you’d be very skilled at but besides that you’re probably gonna need some help

I don’t see you as being the big gamer type at least not back at EAH

Minecraft picnics❤️

Being one who’s not very internet savvy he shows you cool pieces of tech he’s made and the way your eyes shine in interest make him feel on top of the world

Since he has long hair I have no doubt he’s had to learn how to braid his hair at some point

So he would idly braid your hair as affection and maybe decorate with hair clips n stuff

Shows up to all your spell-drive practices

In return you enthusiastically dance with him to the bands he likes

I think you would give him piggyback rides that would be so funny

🐉Malleus Draconia🐉

Malleus🤝Cerise

Being Loners

For him his fae heritage is no secret but it’s still feared, but the reason your heritage is hidden in the first place is BECAUSE people would fear it

Of course things are different for you at NRC but your previous emotional scars and fear of your background being revealed doesn’t necessarily go away

Like Idia this makes you feel like you both have some sort of unspoken bond

It never really goes anywhere until he starts randomly showing up at Ramshackle

Being the considerate person you are you invite him in because it’s probably cold as heck out there

There’s a lot of talking that goes on that night. 3AM does that to people

They then become a sort of ritualistic thing for you two

This leads to a lot more bonding between you two during school hours

You guys partner up for projects, help each other with studying, you invite him to a lot of your more social stuff/clubs, it’s nice

When you’re not at spell drive you’re with him at his gargoyle research club

Briar Valley picnics

“I know someone named Briar, funny”

“Wow what a coincidence :D”

Piggyback rides are also common here

You like to randomly bite his ears, he’s confused but in return he noms your wolf ears

It’s a battle now

Idk what else to put so here are some dog/lizard pics

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 years

Note

Hello! You said in a recent post you don’t like chapter 5, do you think you could maybe rewrite it like you did with chapter 2? Or just share your general thoughts, whichever is easier 😊

[Referencing this post (you can also find a link to my chapter 2 rewrite here)!]

I think that chapters 2 and 5 could be better, but in fundamentally different ways. A lot of chapter 2 doesn’t make sense to me narratively, but chapter 5’s general story beats are actually very sound. Many of chapter 2’s ideas were flawed to begin with; meanwhile, chapter 5’s ideas are fine, but the execution was, in my opinion, lacking. Thus, rather than rewriting chapter 5 like I did with 2, I’m going to just poke at weak points in the story and talk about how they could be tweaked or improved.

*Before I start, I’d like to mention that some of the points I make are sentiments that overlap with that of Piano (as we discussed our thoughts on chapter 5 during the writing of this post). I’d encourage you to read their own post on how chapter 5 can be improved, as Piano also has a lot of interesting ideas to share!*

***Main story spoilers below the cut!!***

Everything up until the start of the training camp at Ramshackle is fine. The bulk of my issues with chapter 5 become apparent during the training because, well... it’s training. It is much slower paced and not a lot is actually happening, so training makes any problems with characterization, character interactions, and pacing become even more glaringly obvious than if the characters were doing something besides practicing their song and dance routines over and over.

The story prioritizes focusing on some characters over others, but then gives the payoff to completely different people than the ones they were building up to. Like, it was mostly Vil and Epel taking up the screen time (which makes sense, as this IS the Pomefiore chapter). But then it’s Deuce that gets his unique magic/signature spell and not Epel. Yeah, Epel learns how to weaponize his looks and there is some focus put on Deuce’s frustration with himself, but the majority of the story’s efforts are given to Epel. It should have been Epel who got his UM, or they should have written the story in such a way where there was more focus on Deuce as well, so it makes more sense for his UM to develop later. In another situation, both Epel and Deuce could have gotten their UMs (had they both gotten proper screen time) and worked together to stop OB Vil. This way, Deuce can really show Ace and the others how far he has grown AND Epel also gets to stick it to Vil/get “revenge” for the strict teachings Vil put Epel through. I’m still really happy for Deuce but 💦 I don’t know, I think it could have been done a little better?

Speaking of Epel, I don’t believe that he should have changed his thoughts on beauty and strength so easily. Yes, he has a mindset of toxic masculinity and outdated gender roles, and yes, those are things we don’t like to see. We want Epel to realize the error of his ways, to broaden his horizons, and to change for the better. However, we must remember that Epel was raised on these values. That does NOT mean those values are justified, but it DOES mean that they are DEEPLY ingrained in him and therefore would be difficult to alter or erase completely.

It makes sense that Epel resisted Vil’s teachings in this regard, as he is likely to double down on the beliefs he has grown up with. It doesn’t make sense that Epel did a total 180 later on (in the span of a few weeks) and completely accepted Vil’s teachings when Epel realized he can, indeed, use his looks to his advantage and that beauty is its own kind of power. This is especially jarring because TWST has been pretty consistent with showing us that problems don’t magically or instantly fix themselves (especially the OB boys, who are still in the process of learning and improving when we see them again in later main story chapters); change is slow and steady and involves active participation. It would have been better if Epel’s change was handled less like “okay, I totally understand and accept this now” and more like “I see these ideas have merit, but I’m still hesitant about letting it all in”. Chapter 5 should be the start of Epel questioning his beliefs, not the entire arc of it.

Vil makes up the rest of the bulk of the story, and I have issues with how he is handled as well. To me, Chapter 5 paints Epel as the one clearly in the wrong and Vil as the one clearly in the right. Again, this is weird because previous chapters did a pretty good job of showing us both the right and the wrong in the OB boys’ actions. Riddle wants his students to succeed but acts as a tyrant that enforces ridiculously nonsensical rules in order to attain those results. Leona wants to ensure a bright future for his students, and he wants to demonstrate to himself and those that wronged him that he is capable despite not being the first born but he plays dirty and injures others to that end. Azul gives help to those that ask for it and even avoids breaking school rules to do so but he essentially enslaves those that cannot pay their debt to him and even goes to far as to interfere with attempts to rescue his debtors. Jamil believes Kalim is incompetent and undeserving of the dorm leader seat since Kalim got it via nepotism (and technically, Jamil isn’t wrong) but he chooses to manipulate and deceive his childhood friend (who fully trusts him) and their entire dorm to take what he desires. But Vil? The worst Vil gets is “oh, he’s strict with the idol training regimen”. Other than that, he is the one painted to “correct” for giving the tough love that he does because he knows the entertainment industry and he holds everyone to his high standards. This does make sense for his character, but it feels like the story rarely ever treats this as anything but an asset. Vil isn’t ever really called out for being inconsiderate of his teammates’ feelings other than for scenes that come off as jokes (like when he cursed Ace and Deuce for eating cake and pie when Vil told them not to).

Don’t get me wrong; Vil’s views on gender roles are definitely way more progressive than Epel’s. In this regard, Vil is the “good” one and Epel is the “bad” one, BUT this dynamic doesn’t work that well because by the end of the chapter, Epel completely concedes that Vil was in the right all along. It is mainly EPEL that decides to change as a result of Vil, thereby Vil is consistently shown as being “correct” and not to be questioned or challenged. This robs chapter 5 of so much nuance and could have easily been corrected by a scene or two of the team members gathering around and complaining about Vil. Like, maybe as a follow-up to the cursed cake and pie mishap, the group lounges around to vent? Or, after Epel runs away crying when Vil beat him again, Deuce or Kalim tells Vil that wasn’t nice of Vil to do. Maybe Ace calls Vil out on his callousness (seeing as Ace was the one who called out Riddle in chapter 1)? Even Rook trying to gently persuade Vil to ease up on the underclassmen (but failing) would work.

You could even have Vil OVERHEARING the complaints but choosing not to intervene because he is so convinced that he’s not doing anything wrong. In other words, Vil’s own vanity and obsession with attaining his own goals would prevent him from thinking of others. He could retire for the night and consult with Mira again, or look into an actual mirror and give himself a pep talk about how they’re wrong, he’s right, and that they can see him as a villain for all he cares because he’s willing to do anything to be “fairest of them all”.

Vil staying strong in spite of so much mounting dissent would cast more doubt onto his actions, AND it would also play nicely into his backstory reveal post-OB. You would be able to really understand Vil’s frustration ISN’T about who is most “beautiful”, but about being perceived as something he isn’t. All his life, people typecasted him as a villain and he wanted to so desperately prove them wrong--and now, in modern day, Vil wants to defy those expectations SO badly in the eyes of the public that he is willing to play the “role” of a villain to his team mates to achieve that. Thus, in Overblotting, Vil became the very thing he didn’t want to be: a villain. This would make the moments before his OB more impactful, as Vil’s declaration of “Don’t look at me, I’m so ugly!!” wouldn’t just be him saying “I’m ugly on the inside for trying to poison my competition”, but it would also be Vil acknowledging that maybe he really IS the villain everyone told him he was.

Finally (and this may be strictly a “just me” thing), but I think that Scarabia wasn’t fully realized in chapter 5. I feel like they STARTED something with Kalim and Jamil and developed it, but never actually finished it. The duo ended chapter 4 on rocky terms, but with Jamil deciding he will continue to serve Kalim for the time being. For the most part, Jamil continues being standoffish--however, he finally gets his chance to show off his performing abilities thanks to VDC practice. For once, Jamil can show off and get the praise and recognition he has always wanted. He doesn’t really acknowledge the events of 4 (which makes sense, as he is inherently a more self-contained person than Kalim and doesn’t like to make his feelings known). Meanwhile, we can see that Kalim is dealing with the aftermath of chapter 4, along with the harsh training Vil puts them under. He still smiles and laughs and has fun, but you can also notice that he cannot keep up with Jamil. Kalim is just so used to being handed praise because of his rich boy privilege, and now he needs to contend with the fact that not only are he and Jamil drifting apart in intimacy, but also in skill. As a result, Kalim has to acknowledge his own faults and he pushes himself to train overtime so he can “keep up”/be named one of the lead performers. We even get to see Jamil observing Kalim’s extra practice sessions from far away. THIS IS ALL GOOD, THIS IS GREAT.

... But the odd thing is that this never really gets payoff? Like, obviously Kalim and Jamil’s issues aren’t things that can be fixed overnight, but that’s NOT what I’m asking for. I’m also NOT asking for Kalim to be picked to be a lead performer instead of Jamil or someone else, because it wouldn’t be realistic for Kalim to improve that much in such a short span of time. With the way Scarabia’s arcs were built up in chapter 5, I was expecting Jamil to, at some point, vaguely acknowledge Kalim’s efforts. He wouldn’t necessarily need to compliment Kalim or want to reconcile, or even believe that Kalim will really ever be able to get on his level. Just Jamil giving Kalim a brief nod or having them have a blunt exchange before they go on stage to do their VDC performance would have been enough. It would have been a simple and short way to wrap up their arc, the first step of many, MANY baby steps for Jamil and Kalim to better understand one another; Jamil would see that Kalim is making an effort instead of demanding that everything be given to him on a silver platter, and Kalim would get some satisfaction in knowing that he genuinely EARNED Jamil’s attention, that he EARNED something for himself instead of being gifted it just for existing as the son to a rich father. I feel like they built to this climax, then skipped Scarabia’s short moment of “bonding” to immediately cut to Jamil telling Kalim and the others to hop on the magic carpet because OH DARN, here comes OB Vil 😔 Guess we’d better punch him, huh?

The ending (the day of the actual VDC practice and performance) is fine! I’m all for Rook’s betrayal too (even though I know this was a massive point of contention at the time it initially happened). Many people were angry/upset and wanted NRC to win, but I’d argue this was the ending Vil needed. He needed that slap to the face, the realistic loss that is often experienced by us in the real world—and besides, neither he nor Rook would be satisfied if NRC won out of pity or under circumstances where they weren’t truly deserving of that victory. Additionally, NRC has been losing for RSA for 99 years, and I’m betting they’re saving the big triumphant win for chapter 7 or beyond, not blowing it on chapter 5. The betrayal also just makes sense from a character standpoint; Rook IS twisted from the Huntsman, who BETRAYS the Evil Queen to help Snow White, and Rook himself is a character that pursues beauty. He cannot lie to himself, and, again, knows Vil wouldn’t be satisfied with a hollow victory.

To summarize, the beginning and ending were okay. It was just everything in the middle that I thought could use some improvements 😂

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