#some results were hilarious

[skitskatdacat63]

thinking so hard about . when exactly in the martian timeline they hated and loved eachother can u help me .. cause after turkey 2010 they had their love moments as well and even in 2012 they had their buddy buddy moments so idk !!! they’re confusing

OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I MEANT TO REPLY TO THIS AND THEN I JUST COMPLETELY FORGOT, SO: hello :D

This is something I think about often as well. Teammates are a weird dynamic in F1 because you're forced to compete for the same resources and against each other in the WDC, but at the same time have to still think combined for the team, for the WCC. I think teammate relationships are like being siblings or like being in a marriage(actually I think Mark has said this before haha.) You can never fully hate or separate from each other, even if you go through rough patches, because you're stuck together and have had the same experiences, for good or for worse.

Turkey 2010 is funny because I think that was one of their first bad moments as teammates, right? And I love that RBR made them take that couples therapy, "us in our get-along shirt", picture. That's what I mean by going through the same experiences, like yeah they were probably pissed at each other but were also probably bonding over the hilarity/awkwardness of RBR making them do damage control.

I just think it's probably difficult to stay upset with someone consistently when you're constantly working with them, and you've also experienced the highest highs and lowest lows with each other. I think I referenced this in my Martian champagne pics post but it's kinda funny when you look through all of those shared podiums that Mark always seemed to be way more willing to spray Seb and smile at him when Mark was the one who won(Literally 3/4 of the pics from that post when they were both at RBR were from Mark's wins.) Like it was such a "I can't stay mad at you 🤭" relationship with them. Like with Mark in particular, it feels like whenever he got a better result, he was mostly like "I shall forgive your transgressions." But then 2013 was kind of the last straw for him, with Multi-21, and especially since he really was getting crushed by Seb and not even getting any wins like in the prev years. But then, by removing himself from it all when retiring, he was able to take a step back and see what it was like to not be in constant, direct competition anymore.

Idk if I'm the best person to ask as I don't think I'm in any measures a great Martian scholar. But these are my thoughts :D I just think being teammates in such a competitive environment can result in such love-hate relationships and that Martian is one of the greatest examples of how it fluctuates. I think it'd be really difficult to try and parse when exactly they were on good or bad terms. For me, tbh I think it kinda correlates with Mark's results because I think with just that whole situation, where they were in as teammates directly competing at the very top, it was a lot easier for Mark, rather than Seb, to start feeling resentment as he was generally drawing the shorter straw most of the time.

Basically, teammates(Martian especially) are bonded through triumph and trauma

[sendmyresignation]

finally reading dance of days (thank you ohiolink and oberlin college <3) but my most consistent takeaway thus far. is oh my god. people who think punk is primarily ideological and not subcultural/musical. are so out of touch.

[featherymainffins]

One thing about me is you can always count on me to want the character who is incomprehensible. People often say "Oh you're gonna want this one for sure" because they think I have a type. There's the secret: There is no type. The only type is confusion.

If the character you are showing to me is perfectly comprehensible and makes sense well unfortunately I will be normal about them. Horny? Perhaps. But to a normal degree.

Show me a cunt who makes no sense at all and it's over. I'm finished. KO'd. I'm done. It's over for me forever.

[chqnified]

Work is now going good. I like it there more. People respect you more. I haven't been misgendered once since coming out. EVEN when everyone was absolutely out of their minds drunk at Friday drinks, i was still he/him in every conversation.

It is possible. And it clearly isn't that complicated if completely pissed people can remember to refer to you correctly.

There are times where it is bloody boring, but that's accounting for you. Some of the people in the office are characters though and i gladly add to that crackpot group.

[noisilyscreechingsong]

Dp x Dc Crossover

Danny and Ellie somehow get tangled with Cadmus and frozen for study later. Obviously it comes to the JL’s attention and they all go ‘oh no another clone’. Anyone’s choice of who they think it is or if it’s a collection of people they took DNA from and meshed together to make these two sassy children.

Would be funnier if they came to DC universe by accident and didn’t have time to really learn about it before capture. The result being they have no idea superheroes are a thing and the heroes just thinking ‘these kids were traumatized and held captive, they don’t even know who Superman is!’ and cue another layer of hilarious misunderstanding.

When confronted about the whole clone thing, Danny immediately defends and protects Ellie. Obviously. Then they notice he was not defending himself, to which Danny goes ‘I’m not a clone!’ The heroes look at each other in clear doubt. ‘Oh he was in denial or seriously didn’t know who he was made from. That will make this harder.’

I may have started something though…

They found a discrete laboratory hidden in plan sight, underneath an office building. When researched, they found connections to Cabmus.

Considering the last encounter they had with the organization, they wanted to be prepared. Hence why when the small team noticed Batman walking down the stairs, Superman followed behind with a tight expression.

“Report.”

Red Robin stepped forward.

“Two cryo-stasis containers holding two nearly identical people. The first a male, approximately 13-14 years of age. Stable. The second a female, younger, approximately 10-11 years of age. Also stable, but her stats are lower than the boy’s.”

“What do you know?”

“Virtually nothing,” Connor says casually. “There are no documents left behind, digital or physical, and there are zero labels on these things.”

They arrive toward the back of the basement where the two frozen containers were sitting upright. One unit obviously smaller than the other most likely holding the girl. Batman has to peer down into the larger unit to see the boy’s face. Frost collected on his eyelashes and black hair like a forgotten doll. No movement from either forms, not even breathing.

“So we don’t know who they are made from,” Superman pushes, clearly displeased.

Batman keeps looking at their faces. The curve of their noses, the shape of their jaws, the positioning of their cheekbones. They didn’t look like Connor. No, they reminded him of someone else.

“We suspect hybrids of some sort,” M’gann contributes. “A mixture of different heroes if I had to guess, but there is no way of knowing with our lack of information without waking them up.”

“Can’t you look into their minds?” Clark questions.

M’gann squirms at the directness and Connor steps forward to defend her. Tensions rise.

“No, sir. They are frozen so there is hardly any brain function except to keep them alive. They aren’t even dreaming.”

She looks them over sadly, obviously distraught with not being able to connect to their minds in anyway.

Batman turns to Red Robin, the younger already watching him.

“You see it too, right?”

Batman grunts. Yes, he saw it.

“Is there a way to move them?” Batman brings back the focus.

“The containers are connected to the buildings power and then a back-up generator in case of emergencies. We’d have to switch the power to something mobile and there’s no telling what kind of effect that would have on the kids,” Connor explains, against the idea of moving them.

“It’s six in the evening. Most everyone in the building above as gone home for the day,” Red Robin helpfully adds.

“Evacuate the rest. Then call a medical team.”

“Wait,” Superman interrupts as the three younger heroes jump to do as instructed. “You’re not thinking about waking them up now, are you?”

“You have a better idea?”

Batman doesn’t even look at him as he studies the stats on the old screen connected to the nearest pod. This one holding the boy. He’ll be the first one out seeing as he’s the more stable one.

“They could be dangerous. They could try to attack us.”

“That’s why we’re here,” Batman deadpans. He didn’t state the obvious that they were children who had been frozen for who knows how long. If anything they’ll need reassurance that they were safe, not weapons in their faces as soon as they wake up.

Clark was not happy with his decision, but as long as he didn’t antagonize them Bruce left him alone.

It wasn’t long before they were ready to begin. Three medical personnel stood several yards back behind the heroes. Red Robin begins the defrosting procedure and they have to wait maybe an hour before the door slides open. There is a breath among them as they wait for his eyes to open. Instead they hear a cracking of thin ice and the boy falls forward without the door holding him in place. Connor is the one to catch him before he hits the floor face first.

Superboy turns him to lay him flat on the floor, the boy’s body still stiff with cold. Frost makes his hair and eyelashes brittle. His lips are a faint shade of blue.

“He isn’t breathing,” Connor informs quickly.

One of the medics push forward first, oxygen mask in hand.

“Bring the thermal blankets. We need to get his core temperature up,” the woman urgently instructs.

They get to work quickly in warming up the boy who is too small and fragile. After several minutes of the medics squeezing air into his mouth and rubbing his limbs and chest to get the blood flowing, the boy takes a breath. Then another. He coughs roughly, his throat scratchy, and starts to shiver.

“There we go.”

He whimpers and tries to move his hand, but the action is jerky and unpracticed.

“His eyes,” M’gann informs them, finally able to get some brain activity. “He can’t open his eyes. The ice-“

Connor takes a water bottle the medics brought and poured the room temperature water over his eyes to melt the ice holding them together. The boy jumps in surprise and tries to turn his head away but Connor continues until he can manually wipe away the ice and water from his eyelids.

Blue eyes. The boy has bright sky blue eyes. They aren’t the Krytonian blue, but they were still familiar.

He blinks and squints and looks around, breathing picking up at the people surrounding him and the unfamiliar environment. M’gann, sensing his distress, kneels down and sets a warm hand on his leg.

“It’s okay. No one here will hurt you. You’re safe now.”

He doesn’t relax, but he seems to at least understand her. He studies their uniforms and then her face before his eyes flick to something behind her and they widen. His breath stutters in his chest, making him wheeze out on the exhale.

They look behind the green skinned girl to see the smaller pod still holding the little girl, no change in her status.

The boy reaches out a shaky hand toward it, scraping against the cold concrete in his lack of energy to lift it.

“She’s okay too.”

He opens his mouth to speak, licks his lips, tries again.

“-ou-,” he rasps. His breath hitches and he’s coughing again. They help him onto his side.

“You want us to get her out?” Red Robin interprets.

The boy squints through the tears from the lack of oxygen at the hero. His expression is scrunched in discomfort and worry. As enthusiastic as he can manage, the boy nods.

“Okay, we can do that. You just have to wait, she needs to thaw out, just like what we did with you,” Red Robin explains to the boy.

He nods again in understanding, his eyes glued back to the girl in the pod. He still shivers harshly and his breathing isn’t regular but he’s not panicking and in no shape to attack them, so it seems like they were in the clear with that one.

While the girl is thawing, they get him more comfortable with warm blankets and get him to drink some water for his throat. He still wasn’t moving much except to curl up on his side and breathe on his colorless fingers. Every time he swallowed he cringed like he was drinking acid, so talking was off the table for now.

The boy was fighting sleep by the time the container door slide open. Connor was there and holding her before she could fall like the boy had.

Superboy lays the girl down close to the boy, seeing the pale hand reaching for her. As soon as he backed away the medics were on her to get air in her lungs and warm her body same as they did for the boy.

The boy watches, quietly holding her hand. Siblings it looks like it. Seeing them side by side was startling. They seemed to be clones of each other, one just younger and the opposite gender, but they were the same.

It was concerning as the number of minutes increased and there was no change. She didn’t breathe or move. She looked dead.

“Get the defibrillator,” the medic ordered, urgent.

The boy surprisingly wasn’t panicking, instead he held a hard determination that made some of the heroes curious.

Pushing himself up onto his elbow, he leaned over the girl and started weakly pushing the blankets out of the way. Thinking he was just helping to make the medic’s job easier, M’gann helped until her torso was exposed.

“You need to back away so they-“

She stops when she sees him tug at the girl’s white shirt to get into direct contact with her skin, hand pressed to her chest.

“What are you-?”

He narrows his eyes in concentration.

Red Robin unconsciously takes a step back when the boy’s blue eyes change into a glowing toxic green, illuminating the girl’s face, frost shining in the light. The hand pressed to her chest also starts to glow the same green until it seeps into her skin like she’s absorbing this weird energy. It reminded them of Starfire actually.

The green in his eyes fades as soon as the unknown green energy is lighting up her entire torso just under the skin. He pulls away and looks expectantly at the medic holding the defibrillator. She flinches into moving, setting the machine down and charging it. She’s hesitant to touch the green energy but the boy nods in encouragement, not looking concerned for anything but the girl’s health.

“Clear!”

It takes one shock for the green energy to disperse through her body and cause her to gasp. The girl starts coughing harshly and the boy pulls her to lay on her side facing him. Connor quickly helps the boy to cover her in blankets. The boy goes as far as tucking them around her and taking one of his own blankets to pile on top. He was moving more easily now even if it was sluggish.

M’gann gasps quietly just as the girl starts sobbing, whining when the act of crying hurt her throat. The boy pulls her close, wrapping his arms around her and tucking her under his chin so they could barely see her. They watch as he calmly comforts her until they are both eased into unconsciousness.

Batman give Superman a pointed look as he passes him. Clark doesn’t respond.

“Get them to the Watchtower med bay,” he orders.

It’s Superman who picks up the pile of two children tangled together and wrapped in layers of fabric, nearly throwing them at how light they both weighted. The three younger heroes follow behind, Tim mumbling about “Lazarus pits” and “Jason”, M’gann twisting her fingers in anxiety, and Connor keeping a close eye on the two kids being carried by his original.

It’s unsurprising that it’s Connor who volunteers to say with them when they are settled down in the med bay, still clinging to each other in sleep.

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Okay so thought would Astarion just be uber happy if tav is just clinging to him and is like let me stay here where it is safe for just a little longer pleaseee

I think I'm feeling the energy. And it's an actual drabble instead of a novel! Cw: In-game references, spoilers, but this is just some fluffy fluff fluff.

~

When Astarion made the decision to seduce you, it had been based in cold rationality. In the short time he had known you, you had proven to be intelligent, capable, attractive enough for sex to not feel like a total burden, and extremely hard to kill. Using a falsified relationship to wrap you around his finger was the easy choice for survival. And it did work, with varying results.

Because you provided many, many complications. Like the unfortunate reality that Astarion quickly had grown sincerely fond of you. Not only were you impressively competent, you were fun. Hilariously bitchy in a way that never failed to make him laugh. But you were still kind, kind in a meaningful way that Astarion was simply not used to.

It had felt like a shock when you were so adamant about his right to be his own person. When you didn't make him bite that drow cretin he was struck with the realization that you actually cared about him. What that thing had been offering in return would no doubt have been useful to your journey, but you didn't even give it a second thought. And Astarion wouldn't soon forget how you saying, "He said no," with so much conviction had sent a shiver up his spine.

Perhaps the whole event sent him into a tailspin that ended with him admitting his, in-hindsight, horrible plan, but it had been worth it in the end. Gods knows why, but you didn't abandon him when he revealed the truth. You just listened. You listened and opened up your mind for him to see just how much you cared for him. A care he perhaps didn't deserve, but one he would take. Even if he had no idea what the two of you were doing anymore.

But he did know that something shifted in your relationship after that, the birth of a new kind of trust. Apparently, Astarion hadn't been the only one holding back.

Because seemingly overnight, you got a lot more touchy. A facet of yourself that he really had not seen coming. Not sexually, no. You had been nothing but a dream when it came to understanding the hang-ups he had with that particular topic. But you did suddenly decide that you loved holding hands. You loved hugging him, for no reason at all. The two of you went from the occasional night together before parting ways to simply sharing a tent. And gods were you a cuddler. Every morning he would wake up with you wrapped around him, peaceful and at ease as you slept in his arms.

And... it was nice. Really, really nice. Astarion had always assumed that he would loathe being with someone who was so tactile. But it turned out when every little touch wasn't leading to mediocre and/or horrifying sex they were actually quite enjoyable. It felt good to have you so close, to know that you felt safe and comfortable with him of all people. Nice enough for Astarion to slowly get addicted to it. He wasn't quite sure when his favorite past time became reading while you laid on top of him, but he knew it claimed to top spot with startlingly speed.

Even now, with Cazador still looming, the tadpoles still squirming behind your eyes, worries and responsibilities abound, Astarion felt completely at peace. He was laying flat on his back on his bed roll, a book in one hand and the other carefully petting your hair as you dozed off; your body completely draped over him. He'd have to wake you sooner than later. Baldur's Gate was only a day's journey away now, and if you wanted to make it there before nightfall then everyone would have to get moving. He could already hear the sound of the others shuffling about.

He snapped his book shut, setting it to the side before he gently shook you, "It's time to rise and shine darling, Baldur's Gate won't be saving itself."

You mumbled as you buried your face into his chest, your words slurred, "Don't wanna. Too early."

That was another change with this newfound phase of trust. Astarion had become the only person who knew your little secret of not being a morning person. In the first few moments of wakefulness, you were at your clingiest, your whiniest, surprisingly your most honest, and arguably your most adorable state of the day. A fact that you actively hid from the rest of the group out of sheer embarrassment, but Astarion thought it was cute.

Not to mention that it made him feel special, oddly enough. That he was the only one who was allowed to see you like this; who could take care of you like this.

Astarion laughed at your response, "Tell that to the sun sweetheart. It's high-time we got going."

Despite his own words, he wasn't really doing much to move the process along. If anything he was hindering it when he wrapped his arms around you, only helping to make you more comfortable instead of less.

But then again, maybe he wasn't quite ready to let you go yet either.

You shook your head against him, your hands tightening on the fabric of his shirt, "Le'mme stay, just a little longer."

"That's easy for you to say when you're not the one to get Lae'zel's wrath," Astarion lightly argued, still making no moves to actually hurry this process along. But it was true, Lae'zel always blamed your lateness on him, her favoritism towards you blatantly obvious. The bitch. But at least she was a bitch with good taste, "I would prefer not to be murdered by a gith for being tardy."

But you were already back to being half-asleep, your internal filter completely disintegrated as you mumbled, "Feels safe here, with you. Don't wanna let it go yet. Please?"

Gods, how the in the nine hells was Astarion supposed to say no to that? He didn't. Instead the grip he had on you only tightened, the happy little sigh you let out at the movement striking him straight through the heart. He felt so... happy in that moment, through nothing more than the simplicity of holding you. Because you trusted him. You felt safe with him, which might as well have been a love confession in Astarion's world. It felt so good to have this, an intimacy that he'd been denied for centuries.

Astarion settled back, letting his own eyes close as he smiled. The others would get the two of you eventually, but until then he wasn't going anywhere. No, the two of you would be staying right here.

[pomrania]

Fairy vs Walrus: the game

You are a fairy and a walrus, travelling together bound by that most sacred of pacts, "wouldn't it be hilarious to prank some humans". However, you both have different ideas of how to go about your journeys.

(This is a variant on a game I'd partially written up yesterday; this morning I realized that not only could I adjust it to be about this subject matter, but that would solve one of the problems I'd had regarding end conditions.)

Requirements: two players, one to be the fairy and one to be the walrus; two d6s for each player; the encounter table, below, or make up your own

Here's a basic summary of the gameplay loop. Both players roll their dice. They each say a feature of the scene, and then determine which feature the fairy and walrus go to. If that doesn't conclude the game, then it starts again at a new round; there may or may not be a minor time-skip between rounds.

Encounter Table 1. a depiction of your kind 2. a tasty treat 3. an obstacle you'd need the other party to help you get past 4. a street performer singing a song you like 5. the setup for a stupid pun 6. a human's doorstep (All entries on this table are subjective to each party rolling; an obstacle for a fairy looks very different to an obstacle for a walrus.)

At the start of a round, roll both your dice in secret. One result will correspond to an entry on the encounter table; the other result is how much power you have to go there, whether by force of argument or simply going in that direction until the other party decides to follow instead of getting left behind. You can assign the dice as you choose; so, if you rolled a 3 and a 1, that could mean entry 1 on the table and a 3 for power, or it could mean entry 3 on the table and a 1 for power.

Once both of you have assigned your dice, share the feature from your table’s entry. Figure out together what the scene looks like, such that both elements are present; for example, if the fairy had entry 2 and the walrus had entry 1, this would mean a scene that involves both a depiction of a walrus, and something a fairy would consider a tasty treat. Then, reveal your other dice result, the one for power. If your dice value is higher, then the fairy and walrus go to the feature you'd rolled; the other player describes what happens.

In the event of a tie, where both parties had the same result for their power roll, reroll both dice, and use the new results to compare power. The exception is if the tied results were both 6. In that case, both the fairy and the walrus feel so strongly about going in a certain direction that they do it without regard for the other party, get far enough from each other that the bond strains, and the magic fades; the humans realize that there's an actual walrus among them, and the walrus becomes limited to normal walrus movement. Decide whether you want to end the game there, or continue playing; in the latter case, the fairy arrives in time for the magic to come back, and a bunch of humans are left wondering why they all hallucinated a walrus.

Assuming you don't get too far apart, the game concludes when you manage to show up on some human's doorstep. Describe which of you the human is more surprised to see.

[strawberries-and-summer-days]

"Midnight troubles"

Pairing: Show!Luke Castellan x apollo!fem!reader!

Summary: an awkward moment, night patrol and a shitty girl later....

Contains: swearing, fluff (i guess?) angst, mentions to the giggidy (nothing actually happens), derogatory terms/names used

Word Count: 2108

A/N: i was sleep deprived and cluelesss when writing this so enjoy :)

You've been friends with Luke Castellan since the day you showed up at camp drenched in water and he showed you around. You've been inseparable since then - y/n and Luke. Luke and y/n, you were a package deal, wherever one went the other followed.

On this particular day you had seated yourself down on a sunny patch of grass to sing. Luke had settled himself a few feet away from you pretending not to listen as your lips parted and sound sweeter than any strawberry escaped your mouth.

His eyes shut peacefully as your song washes over him. He's always loved your singing, everyone does, your song can seem to stop time for a few moments. But Luke likes to think he loves it the most - he's your best friend, of course he gets that right.

Once you finish singing you open your eyes and Luke is staring at you with pure amazement and... something else you can't quite place. Whatever it is, it's gone in a blink. "That was beautiful, y/n," he smiles.

"Like you," you tease standing up and reaching up to ruffle his hair. "You do know you don't have to sit with me and listen every time I sing don't you?"

"Yeah, I know. But I want to," Luke says, standing up with you and pulling you into a side hug. "You've got a really beautiful voice y/n."

You brush it off and wrap your arm around his waist walking along with him. "Oh but its not as beautiful as yours," you joke and Luke's laugh vibrates through you sending a jolt of tingles and a wave of repressed feelings.

You watch as Luke laughs and can't help but smile yourself. You and Luke have been deemed the camp's Mom and Dad. If anything was wrong and you didn't want to take it to Mr D or Chiron the campers would go to you two, Apollo and Hermes cabin counsellors. That's when the rumours started. Luke and y/n are dating. Although you've both denied it several times the campers never listened and you were dubbed Mom and Dad.

Even though you denied it, a small- a medium- okay a pretty huge part of you wants it to be true. I mean who wouldn't want Luke Castellan to be their boyfriend? He has offers piling up every day from girls. You're pretty sure you've even seen someone offer him a fucking apple with the words 'will you go out with me' carved into it. Luke said no of course - she was a frigging psycho - but even then he never said yes to any of the offers, the ones that you knew about anyway.

"I got patrol tonight after the campfire," you sigh and break away from Luke to give a younger boy from Aphrodite a hug when he showed you his result from arts and crafts. Not noticing how Luke tenses beside you until the boy runs off to tell his friends you hugged him.

"I'll come with you, there's bound to be some shit heads sneaking off to go hook up," he rolls his eyes looking directly at some Ares camper who you've both caught several times. "And besides, gods know you couldn't handle the dark without me."

You scowl at Luke smacking him. "Haha very funny, a daughter of the sun god is afraid of the dark, it's hilarious." Luke just grins and catches your hand against his chest, holding it there, when you go to hit him again. Your laughter fades and you both just stare at each other for a moment neither of you wanting to break it but also wanting to admit to the other that there was something happening.

Luke clears his throat and drops your hand gently. "Whatever loser, you're the one stuck with me," you tease and kiss his cheek. Walking away before you lose your nerve. Holy shit why'd you do that? you scream inside your head. What the fuck? Why? Why? You couldn't have walked away normally, but noooo you had to kiss his fucking cheek.

You press the palm of your hands into your eyes and accidentally slam into someone. "Shit sorry!" you cry out looking down to see the poor camper you practically ran over.

"It's okay! It's okay!" Percy says looking up at you and then over at Luke who hasn't moved since you walked away. "Did you break him or something?"

"Or something," you mutter, helping Percy up. "Sorry again, Percy." You force a smile onto your face and sigh as you look at Luke.

"Yeaaah, you messed him up damn." Percy drawls. "Like really messed him up. Damn what did you do? Did you like, kick him in the balls or something?"

"Percy!" you shout shutting him up. He doesn't even have the decency to look apologetic when he says sorry and then scurries off when Grover calls out to him.

Sighing, you shake your head and grumble to yourself about its going to be hella awkward tonight.

~~~

Something was wrong with Luke's heart. It hadn't stopped beating wildly since y/n had kissed him on the cheek and he was trying to control his erratic pulse when he rises up the steps to your cabin.

He knocks twice on the door and takes a deep breath when you open the door and look up at him. The deep breath is cut short when he notices you're wearing his hoodie. You smile up at him and ask, "you ready to go catch some horny teens?"

He nods and lets you lead the way. "Sure, yep, let's go Sunflower." You both walk in silence for the first two minutes before Luke works up the courage to say, "nice hoodie, there by the way, it matches your flashlight."

You twist around and grin ignoring his dig at your flashlight - it's white with a bunch of sunflowers hand painted on. "Yeah, some super, cool, really annoying guy gave it to me." Luke's eyebrow arches and you roll your eyes. "Fine, I stole it from the guy, cause it's soft and smells nice," you mumble that last part and Luke tilts his head at you in question.

"What was that last part?"

"It's soft?"

"No, the other part?"

You're quiet for a moment before mumbling, "it smells..... nice."

Luke practically stops breathing, but covers it up with a smirk. "You think I smell nice?"

You internally slap yourself. "Yes," you quietly answer. Well you know what? When you thought it was going to be awkward earlier? That's nothing compared to the tension right now.

A loud moan comes from up ahead behind the trees and you sigh tugging the hoodie closer before running up ahead to break up whatever situation is happening.

"Hey!" you yell out to the two campers whose clothes are dishevelled and hair all mussed up. "Get back to your cabins! And when I say cabins I mean your own cabin." The two kids scramble away back to their cabins swearing.

"Fuckers," Luke mutters from behind you. "I swear they always choose the same spot."

You spin around and smile, "they'll be back don't worry, you can bust them next time."

After you both make your rounds, catching three other couples, you end up in a secluded spot near the lake.

"So," you start looking out to the water, smiling softly. "What do you wanna talk about?" You shove the flashlight in the front pocket just soaking in the moonlight - and besides Luke's here, he protects you from the dark.

Luke looks over at you and steps closer wrapping a hand around each of your - well technically his - hoodie's drawstrings. "I don't really know..." he trails off and then looks down at you, your eyes shining in the moonlight. And then something must've possessed him because he leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on your forehead.

You look up at him in surprise. "What was that for?" You ask, noticing how Luke's eyes shine with affection.

"Just paying you back for earlier."

You both freeze then - not tensing up but just not moving. Staying in the small bubble that you two have created for yourselves. The comfort of the silence that surrounds you both covers you like a blanket.

Your faces inch closer, your breaths mingling as your eyes meet and you swear you can hear your heartbeat. Can Luke hear how loud your heart is beating? Like seriously? It's so loud.

Everything seems perfect before a loud laugh erupts in the distance. You sigh and pull away from him and start walking over to where the noise came from. Were you going to kiss just then? Holy shit. Was that actually happening?

Luke's presence at your side sends you into a tailspin. Does he like you? Or was he only doing that out of pity. You reach into the hoodie to pull out your flashlight but a hand wraps around your own and you skid to a stop, looking down at Luke's hand intertwined with yours.

Luke doesn't stop though, he just keeps walking, hopefully not noticing how red your cheeks are right now.

You both round the path and find a girl sitting on a fallen log hidden in the trees, she's wrapped in nothing but a blanket she must've brought from her cabin. When the girl sees you - well more like see's Luke - her eyes brighten up.

"Oh Luke! You're finally here! I was waiting for you." A frown instantly replaces the soft smile you have on your face.

"What?" Your voice is quiet and confused.

The girl shoots you a smug look. "What? Did you actually think Luke wanted to spend time with you tonight?" She smirks. "He was only killing time to spend it with me."

What?

You know what the girl is saying is wrong but when you look at Luke you almost start crying. He's quiet at your side staring harshly at the girl. He's not denying it. He's not denying it!

"Lukey and I have plans now bitch-girl, leave." Your teeth clench so tightly you're afraid you're gonna break your jaw. Why isn't Luke SAYING ANYTHING??

You stare frigidly at the girl. "Look, I wanna say Gina..?" she asks purposely misnaming you.

"It's y/n."

"Right that's what I said," she smirks. "Now unless you want to watch me and Luke roll around on the ground here I suggest you leave."

You stay put fighting your ground. Why is Luke not saying anything??

"Ooh we've got a bit of a slut on our hands do we? Damn Gina, I didn't know you were into kinky shit."

"I don't-"

She cuts you off. "It's fine I don't mind you watching like the whore you are."

WHY ISN'T LUKE SAYING ANYTHING?

The girl turns her eyes on Luke again. "I'm waiting for you Luke. Tell her to piss off. Or better yet, tell her that we've been sleeping together."

Luke stays quiet, his eyes locked on the girl.

What. The. Fuck?

The girl opens her mouth to start again but you turn around before she can say anything else.

"Y'know what? I'll leave you two to it," you spit, forcing the tears that spring to your eyes to stop.

"Wait y/n!" Luke calls out suddenly, but you've already launched into a sprint not caring what he has to say now. He didn't deny it. He didn't deny it. He didn't deny it.

Tears blur your eyes and you struggle to pull out your flashlight, tripping over a tree root and stumbling to the ground. You face plant onto the ground and even though you're wearing long pants you can feel your skin being torn.

It's dark and cold

You have scratches along your face and arms - where the hoodie pushed up - everything burns your skin, your face, your eyes, your heart.

He didn't deny it.

You pat around looking for your flashlight. No, no, no, no, no. It can't be lost, no! Luke painted it for you, when you first came to camp and when he found out you were afraid of the dark.

Luke made that. Your Luke made tha-

Your face crumples.

Luke.

He didn't deny it. He didn't say anything. He didn't stop her.

Your heart heavy as you do so, you stand up, fighting the new wave of tears that threaten to overcome you.

A chill hits you and you pull the dirty hoodie closer. It still smells like Luke.

And...

And its dark...

Shit.

Anger pools deep in your gut. She called you a slut and a whore.

That bitch better watch it.....

©strawberries-and-summer-days

a/n: lemme know if you want a part two!!

[caffeineandsociety]

There's a specific genre of shitty antisemitic joke that I have seen fly under the radar (as it was designed to) a LOT more often lately - especially since Kanye started going full mask-off nazi - so I feel the need to issue a warning about it. Namely, the genre is jokes that get spread around by people who aren't willfully antisemitic because outside of conspiracy brain rot land, it appears that the point of the joke is absurdism.

As an example, let's examine the 23-and-me lizard DNA test that I've sadly seen floating around unquestioned.

Because, see, to the average person who isn't willfully antisemitic, this genre of joke comes off as nonsequiturs, or hilarious mistakes - you, as a person with some level of basic observational and critical thinking skills, living on Earth and not in whatever batshit mirror dimension conspiracy theorists think we live in, might very well end up getting a giggle out of it because, HAH, we KNEW those DNA ancestry kits were a scam! If you're not a deliberate antisemite but not really up on the dogwhistles, it doesn't scan as anything awful because you're put in mind of things like feeding a photo of something decidedly not human into that one selfie-to-anime neural net, which sometimes works and produces interesting results because the thing is looking for specific patterns and trying to make anything fit - not things like blatantly lying about doing something like that in the hopes that normies who see the absurdity and want to have a laugh at a scummy company's expense will pass it along to people who unironically believe that Jewish people are actual literal lizard aliens and the test proves it.

This is the same strategy that guy at the game awards pulled. You, a person living in reality where the main source of political corruption is just the basic consequence of an economic system that makes power pool in the hands of anyone willing to exploit enough people, a world of banal mundane evil, know damned well that QAnon-pizzagate-satanic ritual abuse cult conspiracy bullshit is, well, bullshit, if you're even familiar with the details of what they believe at all. When someone crashes the stage and thanks Rabbi Bill Clinton, you may very well laugh because to YOU it is a blatant absurd nonsequitur.

Problem is that to someone else, someone who's deep into that shit, it's either someone letting the truth slip, or someone backing the deep state into a corner - whichever is more convenient to believe.

This is one form of how the far right uses memeification (CW: the example discussed in the link is a rape "joke") - it means something totally different to the in-group than it does to the out-group. To you, it's funny because it's nonsensical; to them, it's fun because they think they're onto something huge and they're about to blow this shit wide open and it's going to be their great moment of triumph.

I cannot stress enough that no matter how absurd an antisemitic conspiracy theory sounds to you, there are people who believe it, unironically. There are people who unironically believe that Jewish people are very literally not human and no amount of evidence to the contrary will ever change their minds. There are people who believe that we're born with horns and tails and pointed ears and have them surgically altered to fit in with good Christian humans like some kind of extremely high-stakes game of Among Us. There are people who believe that we steal, ritualistically abuse, and kill Christian babies. These beliefs, while fringe enough that, yeah, most of you who this post is aimed at have never heard them in the wild before very recently, are not nearly as fringe as you probably think they are. Just look at fucking Kanye. This asshole has more fans than there are Jewish people in the world.

So I'm begging you to please, bare minimum, be careful of "absurdist" jokes about Jewish people, especially if they reference lizards, money, banking, or government power. Also, you may see Jewish people debating how religious laws may apply to fictional creatures, but outside of that context you should also be wary of any time Jewish people are mentioned in the same sentence as vampires, dragons, goblins, zombies, fantasy demons, or any number of other fantasy creatures known for greed, feeding on humans, or both.

If the reason it seems funny to you is because you'd have to be really stupid to believe it's true or makes any kind of sense - it's probably looking for you to spread it to people who are, in fact, that stupid.

[storiesforthemoonchild]

Big Brother | Alexia Putellas x Reader

how is this the first first Alexia fic I'm writing lol. based on this request Enjoy:)

“Mamá, we see Ingrid?” your four year old son asks as you put on his shoes.

You can’t help but laugh. He had a bit of a crush on the Norwegian much to Mapi’s displeasure since he wanted nothing to do with her. “Yes baby, she will be there.”

“Jana too?” He questions grabbing his tiny football off the bed beside him.

“All of the girl’s will be there Nico,” you tell him before he can go down the list of all his favorite Barça players.

The answer seems to satisfy his curiosity as you place him back on the floor and he begins to kick the ball around the room. You busy yourself picking out an appropriate outfit to cover your growing baby bump. You and Alexia had been having some trouble over the last year with trying to conceive. After several failed attempts you were both extremely happy to finally see the positive test results. You had kept the pregnancy from your friends out of fear and had just recently told your families now that you were well into your second trimester. You planned to begin telling everyone else in the coming weeks, as the bump was definitely getting harder to hide.

“Amor, are you ready?” Alexia’s smooth voice fills the room causing Nico to launch the ball in her direction. “Be careful, remember?” She asks calmly, catching the ball before it could do any damage.

“Lo siento mamá,” he tells you, coming to place a gentle kiss on your stomach. 

Alexia lifts him in the air, inducing a fit of laughter as she tickles his sides, “go play in the living room until we leave.” Nico dashes out of the room with the ball at his feet.

“How do you feel mi vida?” Alexia asks, wrapping her arms around your waist. 

“I feel good.”

“And my baby girl? She’s good?” She leans down, placing a few kisses on your growing stomach.

You run your fingers through her hair as she rises back up, “you don’t know that it’s a girl yet love.”

“No, I know that’s mi princesa in there. You just don’t want to admit it cause then you’ll have to get bumped to second place,” she teases, pulling you into a sweet kiss.

You immediately pull away when you feel Alexia try to deepen it, “nope, we have to go.”

“I can be quick cariño,” she says with her eyes roaming over your body. 

“We both know that’s a lie,” you laugh, moving around the room to grab the last of your things. You can feel her eyes boring into you with each step you take. “Tonight, if you behave babe. Now come on before we are late.” 

Alexia’s gaze softens when you turn back towards her, “beso,” she pouts from her spot. You give in as usual and connect your lips with hers, letting her deepen just enough to please her. “Come, you’re going to make us late.”

You roll your eyes, grabbing the hand she holds out for you and heading for the living room. Nico barrels into Alexia’s legs the moment he catches sight of her. “Alexia watch,” he says, moving to show her how many kick-ups he could attempt. Alexia groans at the habit he picked up of calling her by her name, but watches nonetheless. You on the other hand thought it was hilarious, anything football related and he would call her Alexia like he heard on the TV, but any other time it was mamà. 

“Good, we will keep practicing. Now come on, we are going to be late.”

Alexia gathers everything you guys need and leads you both to the car. Mapi and Ingrid were hosting a team dinner party to celebrate the end of the season. And while you loved all the girls, team dinners were stressful. There were a lot of people, a lot of conversation, and an overly excited 4 year old you had to keep an eye on. This was the first one you would be going to pregnant and you weren’t necessarily looking forward to it, but Alexia assured you she’d keep everything in line. She rubs a soothing hand along your thigh as she drives and engages in an animated conversation with your son.

As you arrive, she helps you and Nico both out of the car before placing a kiss on the side of your head, “when you want to leave, we will.” That was your favorite thing about Alexia, the way she was always willing to put your needs above anything. 

“Nico!” Mapi says excitedly as she opens the door with her arms spread wide to him. Without a care in the world Nico ducks under her arm and sprints off towards Ingrid who was making her way towards you, “one day the kid will realize I’m the cool one,” Mapi huffs. 

Alexia chuckles sliding past Mapi’s still open arms just as Nico did. Having mercy on the defender you let her wrap you in a hug. “How are you Marìa?”

“You’ve always been my favorite Putellas,” she tells you. 

Alexia rolls her eyes, grabbing your hand and leading you around the room to greet everyone. “Move,” she tells Patri from her spot on the couch.

“Qué?” Patri questions her captain's harsh tone with a wide smile.

You interject before Alexia can speak again, “Amor stop,” you whisper harshly at her attempt to have the girl give her seat up to you. Captain Alexia was very entitled and you hated that, always quick to try and order her teammates around even off the pitch. You drag her by the arm to the bathroom just as you see Nico plop down in Patri’s lap. 

“What is wrong? Do you feel sick?” Alexia begins to check you over.

“Remember when I said ‘tonight if you behave?” Alexia nods with a smirk. “What you just did is not behaving. I’m perfectly capable of sitting in a chair.”

“But princesa likes the couch.”

“I’m serious Alexia, no more.” She crosses her arms across her chest with a glare, and you’ve never been more sure your son was her twin, even if she didn’t push him out. You kiss away her frown and head back to the party. 

Much to Alexia’s amusement Patri and several others have vacated their spot on the couch when you arrive back. “Alexia come play,” Nico shouts, as she places you on the couch. 

“Yeah Alexia go play,” Mapi teases, flopping down beside you. Alexia looks at you as if she’s seeking approval and you give her a nod sending her on her way. “She’s so whipped it’s disgusting.”

You don’t even mention the fact that she’s just as whipped for Ingrid. Mapi keeps you company for a while before feeling left out that she wasn’t asked to play. Tonight was going a lot smoother than you expected. Alexia made sure to run behind Nico and ensure he wasn’t bothering anyone for too long and she’d check in on you every so often, placing a single kiss on your forehead.

“Hey, congrats (y/n),” Marta tells you as she passes by. You thank her, finding it a bit weird as she was not the first to say it, but Alexia loved to brag on you. You figured she had told them about the new client you had been working hard to land at work. 

It’s when everyone finally gathers around the large table for dinner you find out the real reason. Nico insisted on sitting by Lucy, claiming they had to as they were best friends. After she ensured you it was fine you let him stay beside her and took your spot by Alexia. Halfway through the meal you freeze as Lucy shouts, “YOU'RE PREGNANT?”

“What?” you ask, startled at the claim. 

Alexia goes to stand up and go full-on protective mode when Nico speaks up, “Yep, I’m a big brother!” 

“He told me first,” Ingrid says, making the boy blush.

You and Alexia share a glance before letting out a laugh. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest decision to tell him before you let the girls know.

“Well cats out the bag I guess,” you sigh.

[centrally-unplanned]

The thing about morality is that it only matters when it's real. Discussions of rules or norms for what is right or wrong are almost always, at some level, illusions, approximating reality and guiding decisions in an uncertain world - which does not make them useless, just contextual. Profaning god in your bedroom can never be “wrong” - there is no one to hear you, no one to be hurt by it. You can only show something is really wrong from the intentions of the actions and their results.

So with that out of the way, lets talk about Knives Chau - and specifically, how the comic vs the anime handled that part of the story.

Scott Pilgrim vs The Reification of Dating a High Schooler

There is an extremely pervasive meme in Scott Pilgrim discourse that our titular Scott is a scumbag. Our returning whipping boy the Kotaku article loves this idea, describing Scott’s “detestable behavior” and wondering “was it too subtle the first time about Scott being an absolute shitbag?”. There is this viral headline screenshot from an interview floating around right now riding that same line:

Which is, of course, pretty much false. Its up to you in the end, “shitbag” is a subjective description, but the story just isn’t about events that would be described that way. Its the story of a guy getting over an awful ex, hurting some people, then meeting a new person, and realizing step-by-step what it takes to be their partner and levelling up as a person each time he does. He starts off broken, and Ramona of course is just as broken - getting better is their mutual arc. And its fundamentally about relationship drama - those stakes don’t make you a scumbag lol, just clueless, unless you are terminally online and don’t know what real stakes are.

I will let O’Malley get the last word in with his quote the writer of that interview is hilariously trying to torture into his headline:

There's a bit of, like, young people see Scott Pilgrim a certain way, and, you know, there's a lot of, like, 18-19-year-old fans that are really judgmental of the character. They're like, "Oh, he's a bad person. I would never do that." But I always tell them, like, get back to me when you're 25 or 30, tell me how your 20s went. Were you a bad person? Everyone has to make choices and do things in life that maybe they're not going to be proud of later.

Scott is a scumbag the way everyone is - you yourself will likely commit similar sins; that at least seems to be the authorial intent, and I agree with it.

So how does dating Knives Chau slot into this?

Despite the memes, age, in fact, is just a number - two consenting people dating does not a sin make. The reason dating underage people is bad is because of its consequences, not the categorical imperative. So what are the consequences of dating Knives Chau in the comic?

Knives is, as a consequence of dating a guy who is simply via his age able to appear so much cooler than her peers to her, absolutely obsessed with Scott. She worships his band:

She starts aping his taste in music and interests; she slots herself into his circle of friends, who don’t relate to her, even after their breakup (often drinking her way through it):

She totally spirals after he cheats on her and leaves her, blaming everyone but him; she is wounded and hurt for months, a year, over a relationship that lasted weeks:

Knives Chau is a literal poster child for why you should not date a high schooler. She is, at every turn, emotionally not ready to date someone who is not at her own level of social development, and is deeply affected by it. It is, sometimes, played for laughs - that is the nature of the comic, everything is played for laughs, but I would have given it a bit more dramatic space myself - but over the course of the story Scott himself realizes how much of an ass he was to her, and how he didn’t take what happened seriously.

The reason I view this with charity is what Scott did to lead to this - he met a cute girl on the bus! He was deeply hurt and kind of numb in life, and found someone who was safe and easy to talk to. He never attempts to kiss her (she starts trying to kiss him which he repeatedly rejects) they don’t even hold hands, and it lasted a few weeks. He knew deep down, pretty much immediately, it was fake:

Then he met an actual person he liked, and with some browbeating from Wallace agreed to break up with her, but chickened out for a day. Then the next day he decides to break up with her, and she drops the L bomb before he can, so he instantly ends it. It is really awkward for everyone involved.

Pushing off an awkward and uncomfortable conversation resulting from a dumb decision you made on a whim for a week - god I relate to that, that’s everyone! If you think it isn’t you I think you're lying. Its why this relationship is so interesting in the comic - Scott is always one step removed from it, putting it at abeyance, and the fact that something so minor to him is so destructive to her is a really good portrait of how these kinds of things happen. Its so easy to hurt someone when you don’t even know what the stakes are, and when its coming not from malice, but from weakness. Its a very good portrayal of a bad relationship because its bad in a relatable way, even if as a story is a bit more dramatic than is typical. And its a great portrayal of how fraught age gaps can be - this bad relationship is part of what makes the comic a good story.

But its 2023, we don’t give a shit about any of that anymore!

O’Malley in the same interview discusses the cultural shift around these kind of relationships:

I felt like in this day and age, I had to provide clarity on that [relationship]. Because when I wrote the first books, I took it for granted that people would understand that dating a high schooler was a bad thing. But on the internet, in this day and age, people are like, "He's dating a high schooler. That's terrible!" Like, that's pretty much what I say on page 1 of the book. But I try to spell it out a little bit more this time.

He isn’t telling the full story though - it was bad in 2004, but not bad the way it is today. Its dubiousness was mitigated by its frequency; people were doing this kind of shit all the time. Scott Pilgrim is a bass guitarist in an indie band; fucking groupies is like built into the cover charge. Half the problem Scott has in dating Knives is that she is the wrong kind of 17-year-old - had Scott met her at 1 am in the aftermath of a Born Ruffian’s concert at the Whippet Lounge knocking down shots off the back of her fake ID, no one would have even noticed. Hell, no one does notice; there is someone who actually makes out with a drunk 17-year-old Knives Chau in the comic Scott Pilgrim, and isn’t Scott Pilgrim:

No one cares about Kim’s inebriated petting session here; that is 10% because she is a Girl and Girls Can’t Be Predators, 40% because she isn’t the main character, and 50% because Kim Pine’s dating history is not a useful proxy battleground for GamerGate-adjacent nerd culture wars in ~2014; but that is road that goes directly to hell, so let's veer back.

The point, of course, is that in 2004 this is a crime flecked with normality, something your friend would do and you would maybe just cock an eyebrow at:

Its not that in discourse today - it is radically more condemned. It is not a contextual sin, but an original sin. It underwent a process I am calling reification - where it goes from being just a shifting descriptor of reality, to a thing in itself, with a defined (reified) meaning. And to be clear, that is in a lot ways on net a good thing? The reality is that, despite everyone’s protestations, there are today thousands of 17-year-olds taking the L line out to a gig at the Brooklyn Steel and going down on a 25-year-old guy they just met in a back alley off Frost St who swears he’s a “drummer in a sick new band” that played here “just last week”, he promises, and she is having a great time, bragging to her friends about how hot his tattoo was, and then shipping herself off to Cornell next year to start on her pre-med track with barely a memory. But for every dozen of those, there is at least one person who is deeply, deeply hurt, a Knives Chau who never deserved this. The rest can have a slightly worse time, its probably worth it.

That does not make it a categorical imperative, though - the reification has masked that truth. The crime comes from the context - those other girls aren’t victims, they would laugh at you for suggesting they were. But in 2023, Scott Pilgrim Takes Off is no longer concerned with context. It is telling you, right to your face, that Scott is a bad dude. Over and over and over - jokes from the Evil League about “wow, I thought we were evil”, its not subtle.

Yet meanwhile, Knives Chau is, like, fine? She dates Scott, is totally into him, and then literally in the middle of his funeral forgets about him for Envy crashing it:

Picks up the bass and has yuri-inflected playtime with Kim the literal next day:

And less than a week later is pitching an off-broadway musical adaption of Scott’s life to a billionaire Matthew Patel - I can’t explain that okay, I’m as confused as you are.

She is mad at Scott, sure, but she is over it in a matter of days. Hell, notice how she was already a fan of the Clash at Demonhead now? There is no scene of Scott introducing her to his kind of music. He didn’t change her. By the end she is a member of his band and they are totally chill:

This is, again, about a week or two later.

Knives is not an important character in this show, way less than in the original, this is no grand sin. But I still find it very interesting: O’Malley is wrong. He “spells it out” way less in this version when it comes to the actual consequences of Scott’s actions. Everyone’s verbal condemnations are substitutes to replace the real damage his actions dealt in the comic. Scott is a better person this time, in a world that has universally agreed he is worse (still not a good move ofc). Even Scott’s moment of apology to Knives about their dating is so tepid its almost Straussian:

Its ‘frowned upon’…which is not the same thing as saying it was wrong! I don’t think this is intentional, its just funny, but its a nice capstone nevertheless.

And it had to be this way, not just for media in general, but for Scott Pilgrim in particular. Not only are sexual crimes far more reified today, but Scott Pilgrim’s sin of dating a high schooler is reified as well - its the first piece of discourse everyone encounters about it. Its the ur-debate of the franchise. The idea of actively engaging on this point, and digging deeper into it…its too hot, too controversial. Way better to shy away from it, disown it. The discourse wrote this part of the script over the course of a decade; its not something the creatives had any say in.

Honestly they should have just gone all the way - just make Knives 19. Then how tepid it is wouldn’t be a distraction anymore. Scott can just be an asshole for cheating on her, that would work fine. If you aren’t going to commit to the reality of these things, you shouldn’t bother with it at all.

[bowtiepastabitch]

Historical Analysis: class and injustice in 'The Ressurrectionists' minisode

Alternate title: why we're tempted to be upset with Aziraphale and why that's only halfway fair

Okay so first off huge thanks to @makewayforbigcrossducks for asking the question (and follow-up questions lol) that brought me to put these thoughts all together into a little history nerd ramble. That question being, Why is Aziraphale so clueless? Obviously, from a plot perspective, we know we need to learn some lessons about human moral dilemmas and injustices. But from a character perspective? A lot of this minisode is about Aziraphale being forced to confront the flaws of heavenly logic. This whole idea that "poverty is ineffable" basically boils down to 'yeah some people are poor, but their souls can be saved just as if not more easily that way, so it's not our problem and they probably deserve it anyway for not working hard enough,' a perspective that persists in many modern religious circles. Aziraphale isn't looking at the human factor here, he's pretty much purely concerned about the dichotomy of good and wicked human behavior and the spiritual consequences thereof, because that's what he's been told to believe. His whole goal is to "show her the error of her ways." He believes, quite wholeheartedly, that he's helping her in the long run.

"the lower you start, the more opportunities you have"

So here's what we're asking ourselves: Why did it take him so bloody long to realize how stupid that is? Sure, he's willing to excuse all kinds of things in the name of ineffability, but if someone in the year of our lord 2023 told me he was just now realizing that homelessness was bad after experiencing the past two centuries, I'd be resisting the urge to get violent even if he WAS played by Michael Sheen.

Historical context: a new type of poverty

Prior to the 19th century (1800s), poverty was a very different animal from what we deal with now. The lowest classes went through a dynamic change leading up to the industrial revolution, with proto-industrialization already moving people into more manufacture-focused tasks and rapid urbanization as a result of increasingly unlivable conditions for rural peasantry. The enclosure of common lands and tennancies by wealthy landowners for the more profitable sheep raising displaced lots of families, and in combination with poor harvests and rising rents, many people were driven to cities to seek out new ways of eeking out a living.

Before this, your ability to eat largely would have depended on the harvest in your local area. This can, for our purposes, be read as: you're really only a miracle away from being able to survive the winter. Juxtapose this, then, with the relatively new conundrum of an unhoused urban poor population. Now if you want to eat, you need money itself, no exceptions, unless you want to steal food. Charity at the time was often just as much harm as good, nearly always tied deeply up in religious attitudes and a stronger desire to proselytize than improve quality of lie. As a young woman, finding work in a city is going to be incredibly difficult, especially if you're not clean and proper enough to present as a housemaid or other service laborer. As such, Elspeth turns to body snatching to try to make a better life for herself and Wee Morag. She's out of options and she knows it.

You know who doesn't know that? Aziraphale.

The rise of capitalism

The biggest piece of the puzzle which Aziraphale is missing here is that he hasn't quite caught onto the concept of capitalism yet. To him, human professions are just silly little tasks, and she should be able to support herself if she just tried. Bookselling, weaving, farming, these are all just things humans do, in his mind. He suggests these things as options because it hasn't occurred to him yet that Elspeth is doing this out of desperation, but he also just doesn't grasp the concept of capital. Crowley does, he thinks it's hilarious, but Aziraphale is just confused as to why these occupations aren't genuine options. Farming in particular, as briefly touched on above, was formerly carried out largely on common land, tennancies, or on family plots, and land-as-capital is an emerging concept in this period of time (previously, landowners acted more like local lords than modern landlords). Aziraphale just isn't picking up on the fact that money itself is the root issue.

Even when he realizes that he fucked up by soup-ifying the corpse, he doesn't offer to give them money but rather to help dig up another body. He still isn't processing the systemic issues at play (poverty) merely what's been immediately presented to him (corpses), and this is, from my perspective, half a result of his tunnel-vision on morality and half of his inability to process this new mode of human suffering.

Half a conclusion and other thoughts

So we bring ourselves back around to the question of Aziraphale's cluelessness. Aziraphale is, as an individual, consistently behind on the times. He likes doing things a certain way and rarely changes his methodology unless someone forces his hand. Even with the best intentions, his ability to help in this minisode is hindered by two points: 1)his continued adherance to heavenly dogma 2)his inability to process the changing nature of human society. His strongest desire at any point is to ensure that good is carried out, an objective good as defined by heavenly values, and while I think it's one of his biggest character hangups, I also can't totally blame him for clinging to the only identity given to him or for worrying about something that is, as an ethereal being, a very real concern. Unfortunately, he also lacks an understanding of the actual human needs that present themselves. Where Elspeth knows that what she needs is money, Aziraphale doesn't seem to process that money is the only solution to the immediate problem. This is in part probably because a century prior the needs of the poor were much simpler, and thus miraculous assistance would never have interfered with 'the virtues of poverty'. (You can make someone's crops grow, and they'll eat well, but giving someone money actually changes their economic status.) Thus, his actions in this episode illustrate the intersection of heavenly guidelines with a weak understanding of modern structures.

This especially makes sense with his response to being told to give her money. Our angel is many things, but I would never peg him as having any attachment to his money. He's not hesitant because he doesn't want to part with it, he's hesitant because he's still scared it's the wrong thing to do in this scenario. He really is trying to be good and helpful. So yes, we're justifiably pretty miffed to see him so blatantly unaware and damaging. He definitely holds a lot of responsibility for the genuine tragedy of this minisode, and I think Crowley pointing out that it's 'different when you knew them' is an extremely important moment for Aziraphale's relationship with humanity. Up until now, he's done a pretty good job insulating himself from the capacity of humans for nastiness, his seeming naivity at the Bastille being case in point.

In the end, I think Aziraphale's role in this minisode is incredibly complex, especially within its historical context. He's obstinate and clueless but also deeply concerned with spiritual wellbeing (which is, to Aziraphale, simply wellbeing) and doing the right thing to be helpful. While it's easy to allow tiny Crowley (my beloved) to eclipse the tragic nature and moral complexity of this minisode, I think in the end it's just as important to long-term character development as 'A Companion to Owls'. We saw him make the right choice with Job's children, and now we see him make the wrong choice. And that's a thing people do sometimes, a thing humans do.

~~~

also tagging @ineffabildaddy, @kimberellaroo, and @raining-stars-somewhere-else whose comments on the original post were invaluable in helping me organize my thoughts and feelings about this topic. They also provided great insight that, in my opinion, is worth going and reading for yourself, even if it didn't factor into my final analysis/judgement.

If I missed anything or you have additional thoughts, please please share!!! <3

[onlyonetifosi]

Clapping, clapping, i see ya' falling

got the gifs from @matlillard (love the recompilation)

author note1: sorry for taking longer than I expected, been busy

author note2: sorry for the possible bad german, Im spanish, i used google translate

author note2: i hope you like it

"Mick, Schätzchen, have you ever thought about joining TikTok?" Yn asked with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

"TikTok? Really?" Mick raised an eyebrow, not entirely convinced.

Yn chuckled, "Warum nicht? (Why not?) It's a fantastic way to connect with fans. Let's create an account together!"

After some convincing, Mick reluctantly agreed. Yn set up his account, and soon they were ready to post the first TikTok. Little did they know, it would become an internet sensation.

His first TikTok featured the two of them attempting the viral clapping challenge. The idea was simple—clap their hands while crossing one leg, all while navigating different locations on race weekends. However, the process wasn't as smooth as it seemed.

In the first clip, Mick and Yn found themselves in a hotel corridor. As they started clapping and crossing legs, Mick tripped over his own feet, and they burst into laughter. The genuine moment of joy captured the hearts of fans, and the comments flooded in.

"Okay, Micky, let's try this again. Clap, laugh, leg cross!" Yn said giggling

"This is harder than it looks!" Mick responded laughing on the corridor floor

"Komm schon, Mick! (Come on, Mick!)" Yn encourages him as they are running late because of his discordination.

"Ich versuche es, Liebling. (I'm trying, darling)" Mick defends himself.

As they attempted multiple takes, they stumbled, bumped into each other, and laughed uncontrollably. The outtakes became just as popular as the original video.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Melbourne, as they stood in their hotel corridor, Mick began the routine with a confident clap. Yn, however, struggled to keep her balance and ended up colliding with a housekeeping cart, sending cleaning supplies scattering.

"Verdammt (damn)!" she laughed, helping Mick collect the fallen items.

The duo's next stop was Imola, where Mick's Australian Shepherd, Angie, joined in on the fun. With her wagging tail, she managed to mimic the leg cross move, leaving the couple in stitches.

"Angie wants to join the TikTok too!" Yn giggled.

"Angie, du bist so süß (Angie, you're so cute)," Yn cooed, ruffling the dog's fur.

Mick petted Angie, "You're stealing the show, Frau"

Throughout the season, Mick and Yn continued the clapping challenge, showcasing different locations, from the paddock to picturesque cities around the world. Each video brought its own set of challenges and hilarious moments.

Encouraged by the positive response of the bloopers she uploaded on instagram, Yn had an ambitious idea – to get Mercedes Team Principal Toto Wolff involved. She pleaded with him in his office.

"Toto, please, it's just a quick video! The fans would love to see the boss having some fun."

Toto sighed, "Fine, but just this once. What do I have to do?"

Yn grinned, "Just clap your hands and cross one leg while walking. It's easy!"

Toto chuckled, "Ah, the things I do for social media”

The resulting video showcased Toto's serious demeanor breaking into a smile as he awkwardly attempted the trend. Fans went wild, and Toto's unexpected charm won over the internet.

"You owe me for this, Mick!" Toto playfully threatened him.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Their TikTok journey continued, featuring special guests like Sebastian Vettel and his wife Hanna. In one video, the four attempted the clap-and-cross routine together, struggling to coordinate their moves, well mostly Seb and Mick.

" Mama, Papa, come join us for a TikTok! It'll be legendary!"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Really, Yn? TikTok?" but she knew he was joking from the playful grin on his face, adn he agreed.

The genuine laughter that followed made it even more endearing. Mick hugged his friend, saying, "Who knew Seb Vettel could be a TikTok sensation?"

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the Silverstone GP, Esteban Ocon, Mick's bestie, couldn't resist joining the trend. The two friends shared a hilarious moment when Mick accidentally stepped on Esteban's foot, resulting in a fit of laughter that echoed through the paddock.

"C'est vraiment drôle!" (This is really funny) Esteban laughed, clapping along.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taking advantage that Mick's sister, Gina, was with them during a race weekend, Yn decided to involve her as she is very fond of the older Schumacher sibling.

"Come on, Gina! We're going to create a masterpiece!" Yn encouraged Gina 

Gina, always up for some fun, joined them in a hotel lobby. Yn and Gina having planned a prank on Mick were ready.

"Bereit, ihr beiden? (Ready, you two?)"

"Ja, let's go!" Yn said mischievously to her.

As Mick started clapping and crossing his leg, Yn and Gina coordinated their push, causing Mick to stumble dramatically.

"Autsch! Ihr seid gemein! (Ouch! You're mean!)" Mick told them faking a hurt expression.

The three burst into laughter, Mick, with a mock hurt expression, turned to Yn for comfort. Seizing the opportunity, he pulled her into a sweet kiss, knowing it would irk his sister.

"I never thought making these videos could be so entertaining. Danke, Liebling" Said Mick kissing his girlfriend as Gina fake gagged behind them.

Gina groaned, "Ugh, you two are insufferable."

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yn convinced Mick to approach other drivers for collaborations. In the paddock at Hungary, they found themselves persuading Lewis Hamilton to join the clapping craze.

"Come on, Lewis! It'll be a blast!" Yn exclaimed.

Lewis, with a grin, agreed, and soon the trio filmed a TikTok that transcended team rivalries and showcased the camaraderie among the drivers.

In Hungary, they even managed to convince Max Verstappen to take part in the viral trend, breaking the mold of fierce competition. The resulting video, featuring Mick, Yn and Max, became an instant hit, uniting fans from different corners of the racing world.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Mick and Yn continued their TikTok journey, their infectious laughter and genuine moments brought joy to fans worldwide. They uploaded the video and promised to repeat it next season as they had so much fun during the making of it.

They uploaded the video, and soon, the comments flooded in, praising not only the couple's chemistry but also Mick's newfound style

She turned to Mick, who was sitting beside her on the bed in their hotel room, scrolling through his own phone. "Mick, isn't this amazing? Our TikTok is blowing up! "

Mick chuckled, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "Ja (Yes), it's pretty cool. I didn't expect it to become so popular" And they started reading some of the comments.

One said "Is it just me, or did Mick's fashion game level up this year?" some others said "Mick's style transformation is giving me life. Thank you, Yn!"

Another fan said: "The 'girlfriend effect' is real. Yn, spill your fashion secrets!"

Mick looked from her phone to her girlfriend, who layed across their bed, raising an eyebrow "The 'girlfriend effect,' huh?"

Yn, smiled grinning, proud of herself "Guilty as charged. But admit it, you look great!"

Mick, looked at her grinning "Looks like I owe it all to you, liebling"

taglist: @love4lando@gcldtom@im-mi @hiireadstuff @celesteblack08@reblog-princess@sunf1ower16@janeholt3@athena-artemis-dorian-gray

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Reacting and taking care of their S/O who, due to some accident, ended up shrinking in size, to the point where they can carry them with the palm of their hands.

Genshin Girls: Beidou, Noelle, Eula, Shenhe, Ganyu, Shogun Ei and Yae Miko.

(Genshin Impact) Beidou, Noelle, Eula, Shenhe, Ganyu, Ei, and Yae's S/O getting shrunk down

(Beidou) "How did you...? Bah, it doesn't matter. I'll get ya fixed up in no time, S/O!"

Beidou has no idea what caused S/O to become so tiny, but she won't rest until they're back to normal!

Though truth be told, Beidou just thought that S/O being tiny was a result of her being drunk off her ass.

While she does find it cute that she can carry them in her palm, she doesn't actually do so due to how much she talks with her hands, or in general just moves them.

She's afraid she's going to crush them based on pure muscle movement.

Instead, S/O rests comfortably on the back of her coat, near her neck, at least when they're moving.

Beidou has a bird cage in her room that she bought and adorned it with soft feathers.

(S/O) "...This makes me feel like a pet."

(Beidou) "Do you wanna be on the wooden floors of the Crux instead?"

At least this was temporary. Her first order of business is to get Ningguang to help out with this problem.

(Noelle) "My goodness, what happened to you?!"

Noelle is terribly confused, but she immediately sets off to find help, S/O safely in her palms all the while.

She becomes hyper aware of her grip strength and where S/O is, afraid that they would get hurt, crushed, stepped on, or all sorts of dangerous things!

Noelle goes to find Sucrose, Albedo, or Lisa, preferably all three so they could explain what happened!

She also becomes hyper defensive of anyone holding S/O, her palms shielding them as she turns her entire body away from said person.

(Noelle) "Ah, please do not touch S/O! They are in a very precarious state!"

(S/O) "Uh, Noelle? I still need to be able to see-"

(Noelle) "Please bear with me, it would give me peace of mind if you are wholly incapable of being harmed!"

(S/O) "If I were in anyone else's hands, I would've doubted that."

That comment makes Noelle beam with pride.

(Eula) "When I said that my vengeance would dwarf your entire being...I did not mean it literally."

(S/O) "Yes yes, very funny Eula. Now can you put me down? You holding me with two fingers just feels like I'm a grape or something."

Honestly? Eula finds the situation hilarious. Her teasing goes up tenfold when S/O is extremely tiny like this.

If they try to give her any lip, she'll just pull the-

(Eula) "How can you make such threats when you are the size of my thumb, S/O?"

-card.

Eula will ask Amber or the Traveler for help, and while she is concerned for S/O, there is a smile on her face whenever she looked at them.

A pocket S/O was very cute to her.

(Eula) "Would you like to go to Dragonspine with me in this state, S/O?"

(S/O) "What, you planning on turning me into a popsicle?"

(Eula) "That is an excellent idea!"

(Shenhe) "...You are tiny."

(S/O) "Really? I haven't noticed, Shenhe..."

Shenhe figured this is something that the Adepti can help her with.

In all her life, she had never encountered a situation as bizarre as her current predicament.

If Noelle was possessive of tiny S/O, then Shenhe is borderline yandere.

Those who seem to mean harm to her tiny significant other will be met with a violent and bloody end.

One which S/O's voice can be frantically heard coming out of her palms, begging her to stand down.

Hopefully her master, Cloud Retainer, can bring S/O back to normal.

(Shenhe) "Are you resting comfortably?"

(S/O) "I am but...resting on your chest is kind of...strange."

(Shenhe) "But you do so all the time."

(S/O) "It's one thing for me to rest my head on it, Shenhe, and an entirely different situation for me to literally sit on it!"

(Ganyu) "S-S/O! Are you okay, how did this happen? Don't worry, we'll get some help right away!"

Ganyu immediately defers to Cloud Retainer for bringing S/O back to normal.

But when she's told it'd take a few days before the rite would happen, Ganyu takes S/O with her at all times.

At work, S/O is sitting at her desk while she catches up on her neverending paperwork.

S/O has a plate with flowers to sit on as they watch her work.

In some strange fashion...Ganyu quite liked this.

It allowed S/O to be with her during work so she didn't feel entirely stressed.

Though the threat of S/O being blown away or crushed gave her a whole new level of stress.

(S/O) "Careful, Ganyu. You're sweating enough that it's threatening to splash on me."

(Ganyu) "R-REALLY?!"

(S/O) "A-ah, it was just a joke! Though, I guess not anymore with how you shot straight up like that...!"

(Ei) "...You did not tell me you were capable of this, S/O."

(S/O) "It's because I'm not!"

Ei decides to find out what happened to S/O herself, and leaves them in the most capable hands.

Also herself.

The Raiden Shogun stands unflinchingly on guard, meditating until Ei's return as S/O is sitting in her palm.

(S/O) "...Can I get something to eat?"

(Raiden) "Sara. Retrieve a bowl of rice at once."

(Sara) "Yes, Almighty Shogun!"

S/O awkwardly fidgets with their hands.

(S/O) "Can I move?-"

(Raiden) "No."

Meanwhile, Ei lets S/O sit on her finger like a bird, though they have a much harder time balancing themselves.

(Ei) "What a curious situation you have found yourself in."

(S/O) "Y-You don't have to stare at me that intensely, you know!"

(Yae) "Oh, how adorable you have become, S/O! I could just eat you up-"

(S/O) "Try it and I'm pulling out the fur on your ears!"

Yae has to try her best not to hurt herself laughing at S/O's situation.

Now this was worth writing down!

Though, S/O clearly disagreed.

(Yae) "Come now, S/O. I wouldn't be distressed, think of all the interesting new friends you can make!"

(S/O) "Yeah, plenty of bugs and birds would like to meet and eat me, Yae."

(Yae) "Do you want to test that out?"

(S/O) "Absolutely not!"

Surprisingly, she's seen this kind of situation happen throughout her long life.

And she knows that S/O will go back to normal in a few days.

But that's all the more reason for her to enjoy the time she has!

Who knows when the next time she'll be able to laugh this hard?

[mrchiipchrome]

Butterscotch

W.C. - 1.8 k

All your life your only goal has been to be as kind as you possibly could be. It didn’t matter if your day had been good or bad, as long as you could make someone else’s day that much better then you were fine. 

It carried on all throughout your life, going from the childhood innocence to the adult naivety. You’d do anything to cheer up a teammate or the occasional rival, seeing people sad was something you were uncomfortable with. That wasn’t difficult to see.

Growing up under the care of your grandparents taught you things that were unique, things that other children your age wouldn’t learn until years from that point. Experiences only growing up surrounded by older people could bring.

It taught you many miscellaneous things, but most importantly of all, it taught you that there was nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a piece of candy. 

Both of your grandparents always had a small piece of candy with them, often a quick caramel or a butterscotch that would melt on your tongue. Anytime you fell and scraped your knees a candy wrapped in crinkly plastic would be handed to you and then everything would seem fine again.

It was something you picked up on, always having treats wrapped in crinkling paper in your shirt pocket or wherever else you could store it. You even had a special compartment sewn into all your football shorts pockets where you could fit a single sweet that wouldn’t fall out throughout all the ruckus of a match. One you would slip into your mouth as soon as the game was over no matter the result of the game.

You would always go fetch another sweet from your coat that you’d give to either the opponent or one of your teammates, depending on who won. 

But ultimately whenever anyone needed a pick-me-up they knew where to find you, a sweet in your pocket just for them.

So when you finally broke through into the first team, you were quickly known throughout the Woso community as one of the nicest players. One that would slip children sweets when their parents weren’t watching.

That was something your girlfriend especially liked watching, the sneaky look on your face and the huge smile on the kid’s never failing to make her day.

You’d known of each other for a while before you became friends and later lovers, having roughly the same friend groups. You just never took notice of each other until she signed for Manchester United, the club having been your employers back then. 

She was freshly out of college in America and decided to sign for your then club, you hearing through the grapevines that she needed a place to stay which led you to offer your spare room. It got lonely without anyone else there.

Out of seeming desperation, she accepted your offer and moved in the following week. It was awkward in the beginning, neither of you used to living with the other, leading to some embarrassing moments and some good life lessons. Never ever walk into your roommate’s room without knocking being just one of them.

Slowly you warmed up to the other, learning the other’s habits and quirks, a smoothly running household soon forming. As soon as a routine was created, a budding friendship started forming between the two of you, becoming thick as thieves in practically no-time (much to the chagrin of a certain United player). 

It wasn’t until after you’d won the euros that the obvious feelings between the two of you were addressed, the alcohol fueled kiss shared at midnight much more telling than any words. Waking up hungover and in the same bed made for some hilarious excuses and even funnier stories from your teammates. You apparently hadn’t been able to keep your hands off of each other, insisting on sleeping in the same bed all cuddled up.

Since that magical night you had been dating, which was nothing short of amazing. She was all you could ask for and more, she was the breath in your lungs, your strength and your weakness.

And she always accepted a sweet treat from you.

It was no secret that Alessia Russo liked a butterscotch candy, something only highlighted by you and your pocket sweets.

Another non-secret was her love for your interactions with children. She couldn’t help the way her heart melted and how her thoughts ran wild, imagining your interactions with your future kids. She hadn’t even brought the thought of children up to you, it was her very obvious secret.

Alessia couldn’t avoid the teasing from your teammates who saw the obvious heart eyes coming out in full force as soon as you were near a kid, ruffling their hair or smiling at them kindly. You were teased just as much if not more for the constant heart eyes you exhibited towards your girlfriend.

After a win for Arsenal, the team takes a quick victory lap around the stadium, waving and smiling at your fans. It’s peaceful despite the shouts and yells of the frantic people, well peaceful until a piercing cry cuts through the air.

Your first instinct is to check on your girlfriend, to make sure that she’s okay and not hurt. Looking behind you, the sight of her baby blues meet you almost instantaneously. She looks fine on the outside, not like she’d screamed her lungs up only moments before.

Another heart shattering cry follows after the first one, you feeling like a belt is tightening around the circumference of your heart. Swiveling your head towards the crowd, you soon spot the little boy clutching onto his mother’s shirt tightly, tears streaming down his poor face.

Alessia’s attention is caught when she sees you walking towards the crowd, the shrill screams lowering little by little. She can only see the numbered shirt on your back, legs moving towards the little boy.

The boy looks at you in amazement when you’re close enough for him to see you, silent tears still falling down his chubby cheeks.

“Hi buddy!” You said in a soft voice, trying to calm him down. His mother looks at you, awestruck as her son but ultimately snaps out of it just enough to encourage her son to greet you back. “Why are you crying…” The woman fills in the blank in your sentence with his name.

“Timmy”

“Why are you crying Timmy?” Leaning down to his level, you see how his tears slow, no longer falling down his cheeks rapidly. Timmy shakes his head hastily, as if to say that he didn’t want to say. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me. You want to know what I do everytime im sad?” You ask the sweet boy, who can’t be older than 5.

The headshakes soon turn into frantic nods, the boy intrigued by what you did. Your hand moves back behind his head, fingers magically pulling a butterscotch candy out from behind his ear. The light gasp from the boy makes you smile, looking at his mother who gives you a nod. His small hands wrap around the crinkly plastic, the woman behind him nudging him, the boy quickly saying thank you.

“One of these and all my sadness goes away, why don’t you try?” The smile forming on your girlfriend’s face doesn’t go unnoticed by your teammates, a certain Irish woman sliding up beside her.

“Y/n’s very good with kids, ey?” She says, smirk overtaking her face.

“Yeah she is.” Alessia responds dreamily, eyes on your back.

“So, are you thinking about having some of your own?” Katie asks loudly, slinging her arm around Alessia’s shoulder and pulling her closer.

The brit chokes on thin air, coughing noisily to clear her airways. It attracts some attention from some straggling teammates but nothing out of the usual.

“Uhm, I don’t know. Not really.” She manages to get out, eyes tearing up slightly as coughs continue to escape.

“Don’t lie to me Less, we can all see it.” Katie explains softly, as if to let the girl down slowly.

“I don’t know if she wants any kids, that's the thing.” Alessia shrugs her shoulders in the Irish woman’s grip, looking down at the ground.

“Listen, just talk to her, okay?” She tells her protegee, glancing up to see you now standing in front of them shirtless and with a confused expression on your face.

“Talk to who about what?” Alessia’s eyes flit over your stomach, stopping at the sight of your abdominal muscles. The older girl nudges the number 23, leaving soon after. “So? Talk to who about what?” 

“Baby, I’ll tell you later, okay?” She shoves her hands in her pockets, leaning into you when you wrap your arms around her.

After showering and changing into your comfy clothes, both you and Alessia are on your merry ways out of the stadium, going back to her car together. Settling down in the passenger seat, you can hear her sigh loudly and all of a sudden you’re filled with fear. Is she about to break up with you?

“Do you want kids?” She asks nervously, eyes shifting all around the car. You let out a surprised laugh, sighing and placing your hand over your chest.

“Oh thank you” You laugh out, eyes on the ceiling of the car.

“What are you talking about?” She asks confused, eyebrows knitting together adorably like they always did when she was confused.

“I thought you were going to break up with me.” She slaps your arm lightly, shocked that you’d even think of the possibility.

“But do you want kids?” Alessia repeats her earlier question, looking at you intently.

“Hmm, yeah I want two or three tots running around and wreaking havoc” You shoot her a smile, the softness in your eyes shining through.

“That’s good, because I want kids too”

“With me?” Now it’s your turn to be confused.

“Who else dummy?” 

“Why would you want to have kids with me?!” 

“Because I love you, and you’d be an excellent mother” Alessia tells you tenderly.

“You’d be an even better mother my love” She blushes at your compliment, hiding her face in her shoulder.

When you’ve arrived home and put your pajamas on, it’s finally time to lay down on the sofa and cuddle for all eternity, your head settling down on her chest with your body slotted between her legs.

“Can one of our kids be named Morrison?” Your voice comes out muffled, the warmth of your breath seeping through her pajama shirt.

“No.”

Having your own kids wasn't going to happen for ages, so for now you had to settle for raising a stuffed animal.

[raz-writes-the-thing]

Devoid of Attention (Doctor Who Drabble)

Tenth Doctor x GN!Reader / requests are open

Summary: The Doctor is oblivious as per usual

DW: @nyxiethesimp @quickslvxrr @midnight--raine @blueberry-sunshines @stevekempscocktails @go-bonkers-go-foolish @peytonpenguin37 (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Main Street in the London Central Business District in the eighteen hundreds was quite a sight to behold. Between the stunning architecture, the horrible smells, the carriages being pulled by gorgeous horses and the frilly clothes- oh, you were in heaven. Truly, you thought, nothing could get better than this. 

The Doctor had been explaining how he had a theory that the gargoyles found on the top of buildings in London were possibly real, flying stone aliens from some planet out yonder and that they may be responsible for a spate of disappearances along Main Street. It was interesting, but he was more talking to himself, really. 

You’d been listening, but had stepped away for just a moment when a paper boy had wandered by shouting about getting a copy of the latest release of the Times. It was a weird thing to collect, you understood, but who else could say they had a mint condition genuine London Times paper from… you checked the date- the twenty-fourth of November eighteen-eighty seven? Not very many, you would have thought. 

When you turned around, there was a dog sitting in the same spot you were just standing in a minute ago. You blinked, folding the paper under your arm and taking a couple steps towards him and the Doctor, who was having a rather lively conversation with the canine in question. 

“See nowaaah!- You’re a dog,” he said, sounding rather dumbfounded. “How- how did that happen?” He leaned forward and threw his glasses on to get a closer look at the pooch. You blinked again, not sure what to make of this situation before you. 

“Oh, but look at that transmogrification work,” he gasped, rubbing the dog’s ears and petting its head. “Oh, it’s gorgeous- you’re gorgeous! Undoing it might be a bit of work, but blimey- this is impressive!”

You weren’t sure how to approach this. Did you wait for him to notice? Did you break him out of his thoughts now? You weren’t sure. The only thing you were sure of was the fact that this was hilarious and also incredibly ridiculous.

The Doctor pulled his sonic out and scanned the dog, flicking the screwdriver back up to his ear to read the results. Hear the results? You weren’t really sure how it worked. 

“Hmm, that’s odd,” the Doctor said, and even from behind him you could see clear as day the expression on his face. That special expression with his mouth slightly ajar, eyebrows cast inwards and eyes darting off to the side as he tried to process the information he was receiving. “Sonic’s saying one hundred per cent dog. Not a sliver of human in there. Blimey, this might take a bit more effort than I thought.” 

You sighed, walking up behind him and whacking him over the head with the newspaper softly. 

“Oi,” the Doctor yelled, raising his hands to protect himself from this ruthless and unprovoked attack. “Wotchit!” 

The Doctor turned around to see you, hands on your hips and exasperated expression on your face. The irritation bled from his face in a second. 

“Ah, wait-” the Doctor looked to his left down at the rather mangy dog. “You’re not- oh, I see. I stopped paying attention again, didn’t I?” 

You snorted with laughter, not even caring how unattractive it sounded. 

“You think?!”

It did make for a good laugh, though. You’d never let him live this down. And every time you brought it up, the way his cheeks flushed and he grew just a touch embarrassed only made your bond stronger.