#sometimes i really do forget to let myself just be messy and not care about polishing things so much

[fantasticalleigh]

old concept art for the final chapter of my reylo comic Return, which i will probably never finish. these are from early 2023 and the idea was to have either ben or rey be trapped inside some sort of portal in the WBW and have the other fight to rescue them so they could return to the land of the living, basically. I never got around to drafting the rest of the plot for that last chapter but i wanted ben to really come to terms with his desire to start a new life with rey in which he is the person he always was and not the person he wanted to be, as Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren. i have many other sketches/illustrations in the vault and while it's unlikely the comic will ever be completed i'm still glad i took the plunge and made it bc i learned a lot along the way.

(the ben solo profile drawing with the butterflies in the top right of the last image is a sticker and available through my shop!)

[talesof-old]

breaking | j.p.

pairing(s): james potter x gn!reader

warning(s): angst, breakups, leaving long term relationships, implied unfaithfulness (james doesn’t actually cheat), other woman lily evans, reader deserves better, idk this isn’t proofread or edited, they could never make me hate you lily

word count: 1.2k

a/n: sorry this took me so long, i’ve been teaching myself to crochet and i’m also trying to leave my current job

masterlist

james potter + relationship breakup + no happy ending

It used to be easy, saying James Potter was the best boyfriend you’d ever had.

He’d gone out of his way to shower you in affection and prove himself a capable partner. He’d remembered every important date, what your favorite things were, and why you hated the things you hated. James had been perfect.

You leaned back in your chair. Pieces of parchment littered the desktop, ink staining the expensive wood. You’d given up on caring. A glance at the clock on the wall gave you the time.

22:15.

You huffed. Date night, James had said, like that would fix whatever this was.

This, really, was a wedge driven in unknowingly by one Miss Lily Evans. You couldn’t blame her, really. If you’d asked, she would back away from her friendship with James and be perfectly content. That’s what made it so hard to hate her. She liked you, and would do anything to maintain your friendship.

Instead, like a fool, you’d believed James when he said he’d be home early to have dinner with you. After an hour had passed you’d changed out of your nice clothes and into a pair of pajamas, choosing to work to pass the time. About twenty minutes later, you heard the front door open.

In shuffled a weary James, glasses askew and hair messy. Your heart clenched. Here stood the boy (now man) you’d given your heart to years ago. Here he was, breaking it.

“Hey.” Your voice filled the dimly light room, echoing in the bare corners like some evil spirit.

He looked up at you, eyes blinking owlishly as he tugged off his shoes. It took just a second for the image of you to register. His lips twisted into a guilty grimace, though you weren’t sure he was genuinely regretful.

As he approached, you were hit with a wave of floral and ink perfume. You sighed. Lily’s perfume, which she’d found sometime during your time at Hogwarts and stuck to, was far from unfamiliar. It suited her beautifully, though currently it clung to your skin like aa unwanted disease.

“I’m sorry, we got caught up at the pub.” You nodded. The boys night Sirius had proposed. To forget everything going on for one night. Perhaps you should’ve told James just to stay at your friends’ flat tonight instead.

“We had plans.” Your voice wavered, the telltale sign of tears burning your throat. James nodded solemnly. He made to reach for you, but seemed to second guess himself as you shied away.

“I’m sorry, honey, but Pads wanted to stay-“

“Okay.” The finality in your tone had him pausing, brow furrowed. You moved then, gathering up your papers as tears pricked at your eyes. The rational part of you knew that you needed to speak up about your feelings in order to make a change, but you also didn’t feel like you should have to. James made plans with you, his partner; surely that was just as important?

“I’m going to bed.”

Defeat swirled in your gut. Tomorrow, you’d call Mary. If she couldn’t give you advice, she’d at least help you pack up your things.

“Honey, please.” Something desperate filled his tone. You clicked your tongue to distract yourself from the heaviness in your chest. James stepped forward.

“I just lost track of time, promise. I’ll make it up to you.” You shook your head. This was the make up. This was the second chance. Not a single bone in your body wanted to give him a third. It wasn’t fair to expect you to continue to shatter your heart just for him. You cared more about yourself than that to let it continue.

“You already made a promise like that James, don’t lie to me.” Irritation flashed across his face.

“I’m not lying.” You huffed, clutching your papers in your hands. You’d leave the ink. He’d probably need it more than you.

“Merlin, You told me that the last time, James. What else am I supposed to believe?” He ran a hand through his messy curls. “I don’t understand.”

An incredulous expression took up residence on your face. You blinked furiously as you looked at him.

“What don’t you understand? You come home to me after missing an apology dinner, smelling like another woman. Lily Evans no less.” Venom laced itself through the words as you spoke them. His jaw clenched and he crossed his arms. Muscles tensed as he took in the anger in your eyes. You didn’t often get angry, not like this.

“Lily is my friend, I won’t let you make me feel like shit for spending time with her.” You threw your hands up in the air. The clock down the hallway ticked away, eating at you as you turned away from him.

“I never asked that of you, don’t you dare put words in my mouth.” Tears finally spilled over your cheeks. He scoffed.

“At least look at me.”

You whirled around, eyes glassy and lip trembling. Frustration rose. Here you were, crying over the loss of a relationship that hadn’t even ended yet. You swiped at the tear tracks.

“Why? I can’t do this anymore James. I love you, really, but it isn’t fair for me to have to keep asking you to occasionally put me first.” James wore an expressionless look as you spoke. Your heartbeat thundered in your ears, an unsteadying drum to your own heartache.

“I do. I don’t understand where this is coming from.” A forlorn feeling took root in your stomach. He didn’t understand. Maybe you were fooling yourself, thinking you could work through this one. After everything, it was too much to bear.

“Alright.” He furrowed his dark brows.

“I’ll ask Mary if she can swing by tomorrow and help me pack up my things.” He startled, reaching for you once more. A sob caught in your throat as he gripped your shoulders. The soft florals of Lily’s perfume engulfed you.

“What? No, what are you talking about?”

Something undecipherable had leaked into James’ words, panicked and shaky as he searched your face. All he found was resignation. You were giving up. James shook his head, licking his lips and leaning down to stare directly into your teary eyes.

“You’re leaving me?”

You let out a breathy laugh, humorless and cold as it curled around your ears.

“You spend more time with Lily than me these days. I won’t fight for someone who isn’t doing the same.” You watched as his face fell. His lips parted as though to speak, but no words fell from his lips. You knew he couldn’t defend himself from the truth; at the very least, he couldn’t defend himself from this truth.

You spoke again. “I love you.”

You pried yourself from his tense grasp and made your way back to the bedroom, locking yourself in the bathroom for privacy. After tomorrow, you’d no longer be in a relationship. James would no longer be your boyfriend, and peace would have to be made. You shared too many friends for the opposite to be an option. You sighed, pressing the palms of your hands into your eyes to keep the tears at bay.

When did it all go wrong?

[beanghostprincess]

Love the concept of Usopp falling for Transfem!Sanji but all of his attempts at flirting end up just being cute and making sanji laugh (genuinely laugh. A sweet laughter. She's head over heels for him too btw) but he wants it to be sexy. He wants to turn her on, or, whatever. But whenever he tries to be sexy he ends up failing miserably because he forces it to be extremely normative (exercising shirtless type of sexy. Don't take advice from Zoro) instead of just being himself. And as I said, he takes advice from fucking mosshead so of course he isn't going to look the type of sexy Sanji likes.

Nami has to physically drag Usopp to the girls room with Robin so she can call him thousands of insults before actually telling him that he's acting like a fucking idiot. That Sanji likes him back already. So Usopp is like, all hopeful and happy and says: "Oh! So you're telling me to just be myself?! :D"

To what Nami replies with the scariest most intimidating evil laughter in the whole universe: "Oh, no. Darling. No. You have no fucking idea what women like, do you?"

He's pretty much scared.

But Nami and Robin end up telling him the secrets of womanhood or, well, what they personally like. And Nami doesn't even like men, but she knows how to read a room and manipulate other girls with men and also, she's a lesbian. She knows what women like. She likes women. Women like her. She's the best person for this job. And also Robin because she's older and wiser.

And also, they share a room with Sanji. They talk at night. They know what she likes.

So they tell Usopp about hands. About how crazy Usopp's hands drive her while he works and that he should use them to his advantage (put a hand on her thigh casually while they talk, brush their hands together more often, tuck her hair behind her air sometimes, show her some of his inventions with his hands pretty much being the main focus, etc). Basically, they tell him to sexualize his hands as much as possible because everyone fucking knows Sanji has a thing for that. And Robin can confirm girls like that because every time she sees Franky build something it makes her knees weak (she says this in a very weird and off putting tone so Usopp isn't sure if 'making her knees weak' is some kind of euphemism for darker, more intimate things he is not ready to hear).

Then the hair. Nami is always saying Usopp's hair is spectacular, but also, that Sanji goes insane whenever she sees Usopp first thing in the morning. Messy, undone hair and everything. So the navigator insists on him being a bit more careless with it. Not caring that much about ponytails or buns unless he makes them look really good and intentionally messy.

He has to forget about the whole 'shirtless exercisisng' thing because that's Zoro's way of being a gym bro and attracting their captain (and it only works because he's already dating Luffy and Luffy enjoys seeing his boyfriend doing whatever) and instead focus on being casually shirtless. And it's not like Nami supports the massive whores this ship has because she's exhausted of men being so disgusting around here, but if it's to help them out (she only wants them to stop pining because it's annoying) she will let Usopp walk around the place without a shirt on (as if he didn't do it already but, y'know, this time is obvious he does it intentionally).

Robin then says something about Sanji liking dominant guys, which, well- It's a thing Usopp already knew because it's not hard to tell. But also the archeologist mentions that he should act more confident around Sanji. Be less anxious (as if it were easy, btw) because he has absolutely nothing to worry about. She won't fall out of love, seriously, she's too down bad to get up at this point and the worst thing that can happen is Usopp looking cringey. But confidence looks good on him! So he needs to do all these things without it being obvious that he's trying to be sexy.

Basically, they end up telling him a few more things that girls like Sanji love in men, and Usopp realizes that it's not actually changing himself but accentuating his personality to a bit of an extreme sometimes to get Sanji focus on him.

And it works. it- It surprisingly works???? What the fuck.

Because Usopp does everything Nami and Robin told him. He touches Sanji more. He runs his hands through her arms and thighs slightly and casually when they talk and it makes Sanji cough and blush and needing a moment of silence to continue speaking. He works in the kitchen and specifically build things that need a constant use of hands. He lets his hair undone all day long or only wears messy buns, and he doesn't say anything if he catches Sanji bleeding or fainting (he really, really wants to go help but he knows it would only makes things worse so he lets Chopper take care of it). He doesn't wear t-shirts anymore (he didn't already, but now it's different) and casually stretches or rests his elbows on the ship and makes poses when Sanji is looking. He starts to talk more in a more confident manner. Voice deeper. Words clearer. Once, he even places himself behind Sanji while she's cooking and tries to grab something from the top shelf of the kitchen, resting his hand on her hip for a long second. It drives her wild. To be honest, Usopp didn't even do that on purpose but Nami congratulated him on that one, and he couldn't just say it had happened naturally.

Sanji is a mess, btw. Her food is still perfect and she fights normally but whenever they're not doing anything important she seems lost in thought and the whole crew is so done with her and Usopp. She doesn't even want to fight Zoro anymore and it frustrates the swordsman because their lil arguments and fights are kind of a thing between them and it's ruining his daily schedule!!! Usopp is going to be the death of her, honestly, and Zoro is then going to kill Usopp for that (me and my beautiful love for platonic Zosan).

But neither of them does anything or makes the first move because they're stupid and deep inside they're shy and they're used to being pining idiots.

Then, Usopp takes all this flirting thing a bit too seriously. Because he is stupid and fears that if he stops, Sanji will lose interest in him. So even if it's raining or snowing, he's shirtless. He says it's that a confident man like him doesn't need clothes to be warm, only Sanji's beauty (or something like that, he said). But even Franky is wearing a jacket, so... Also, he tries so hard to accentuate his hands movements when he works that he doesn't get the job done most of the time. And his hair keeps getting in the way and bothering him while he fights. It's a mess.

And Sanji notices because she might be extremely turned on by him but she's not that oblivious.

So one night she sees Usopp fucking freezing because they're close to a winter island and he refuses to dress properly. At least his hair keeps him warm, sort of, but he can't work like this, either. Sanji rolls her eyes and just approaches him without saying a word, throws him a sweater, wraps him in a blanket, and before Usopp can say anything, Sanji starts to tie his hair up into his usual ponytail. Usopp refuses and keeps saying that he doesn't need this! That he's God Usopp and can handle a little but of cold! But he doesn't stop her from doing all of these things, in the end.

Sanji only laughs and gets a hold of Usopp's hands to warm them up, sitting next to him. She breathes against them and now it's Usopp's time to blush uncontrollably. Sanji looks up from there. "You're a moron, you know? You don't need to do all of this."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Blatant lie.

The cook keeps holding his hands but rests her head on Usopp's shoulders, cuddling against him. "You look really handsome with your hair tied up."

"Uh? I- Thank y-"

"And I love your hands, but if you don't take more care of them I'm going to kick your ass. And also, if you get sick and affects our adventures and your sexy voice I will end you."

"Sexy what-"

"I like it when you blush and stutter and are anxious about every little thing, too."

So Usopp squeezes Sanji's hands back (after a whole long second of analyzing what the other just said) and lets himself rest against her, her undone hair falling over his shoulder and her perfectly polished nails brushing his skin. She smells sweeter than usual. Like chocolate. And even if it's cold, she needs to wrap herself in the blanket too because she's wearing a short dress.

Perhaps Usopp hasn't been the only one trying hard to accentuate his good traits. And God, Usopp loves her even more every day.

The sniper tries to be confident and wrap an arm around her shoulders, but he hesitates, and that same second, Sanji is the one to guide it around her body.

And Usopp is nervous and blushing and Sanji's kicking her feet under the blanket. And it's extremely messy. And perfect. It's always perfect.

[cobiehaven]

SKZ — Acts of Intimacy.

fluff (💖) // funny (🤡) // drama (💋) // angst (🌧️) // horror (🥀) // smut (🍷) // suggestive (❣️) // tw (‼️) // short story (☕️) // requested (💌)

chan — tending to your hair 🌧️

“i’m really proud of you, babe.”

“psh, for what?”

you giggle at him as he gently brushes through your hair, you always loved it when he did, it always seemed to hurt less rather than doing it yourself. the damaged knots in your hair was always a pain to rip through.

“showing me how much you love me gave me courage to love myself, so i want to give you the courage to love yourself too.”

he gave you a kiss on the top of your head, his fingers raking through your thick strands, comfortingly.

minho — rubbing your legs under the table ❣️

“minho.”

you whispered his name as a warning, your hand prompted firmly on his wrist as his hand continued to caress your thigh beneath the table. you knew what he was doing, the small touch had become a big one the more his hand traveled from your knee all the way up to your inner thigh. you couldn’t say you didn’t like it, on any normal day you would be begging for him to stop teasing you, but today was a special day, your parents were over.

“fine but you’re going to take responsibility later.”

changbin — holding your hand 💖

“you really think i wouldn’t remember?”

changbin parked right in front of your favorite fast food restaurant, the two of you stepping out of the car and immediately locking hands as that seemed to become a habit every time you two went somewhere. inside the small business, you could hear your stomach growling at the displayed items on the menu, changbin casually ordering your favorite meal.

“no way you memorized my order too.”

“of course i did.”

hyunjin — cuddling you 💖

“hyunjin, it’s hot!”

you whined as you tried to pry him off of you, the blanket plus his body heat making you sweat uncomfortably under your thin t-shirt. the movie was a faint sound in the background as you were too focused on your giant boyfriend bear hugging you and not letting go. you tried telling him that you were starting to sweat but he insisted that he didn’t care about that, throwing the blanket off of the two of you and letting the cool air touch your skin.

“i like having you in my arms, it feels so right and complete.”

“okay, no need to flatter me, just let me cool down

felix — baking for you 💖

“you’re going to make me have a sugar rush! stop!”

you giggle as felix continues to hand over the batch of brownies the two of you made together. they ended up coming out messy from how many times the two of you bumped into each other or accidentally forgot something when you got distracted with a kiss or two.

he cut the brownies, ready to be put into a container for safe keeping but instead he insisted on helping you eat all of the small batch.

“lix, we can just eat some later.”

“but i like wiping away the chocolate from your lips.”

jisung — singing you to sleep 💖🌧️

“i could… play you a song before you go to sleep.”

you shook your head.

“then how about i just sing you to sleep? that way i can lay right next to you?”

you nodded your head, waiting for him to get comfortable next to you in the bed, your body pushing itself closer to him and taking in his, all too familiar, fresh, laundry scent. nights like this would come up often between the two of you, whenever you had too much anxiety, he would sing or play guitar or sometimes even plaster you with kisses to make you forget your problems. you loved those nights the best. whenever he was having anxiety, you would play with his hair until he fell asleep just as he was doing to you now.

“i love you.”

seungmin — teasing you 💖

“i already brought you food and you still want mine?”

seungmin pulled his plate away from you as you tried to naw at the pieces you wanted. you had already finished your plate but you were still hungry for more, your period taking a major toll on your appetite. after realizing you weren’t going to get what you wanted, you sighed and rested your head on his shoulder.

“give up already?”

“mhm.”

he slid over the slices, lifting your head to look at him confusingly. he just pressed a small kiss on your forehead and patted your head.

it was a guilty pleasure to tease you without verbal reason, although he would never admit that he liked your reactions.

jeongin — sharing clothes 💋

“hey, isn’t that jeongin’s?”

one of your classmates asked, placing his hand on your shoulder and forcing you around so he could get a better look, he didn’t recognize it from your usual fits, though he could recall your boyfriend wearing the hoodie one or two times before. you opened your mouth to say something but you were immediately caught of breath when you saw jeongin marching his way over to you, his eyes glaring deeply at your friend. you warned him to be nice but he didn’t comply.

“it is mine, actually, and not for you to touch.”

he pushed the guys hand off of you and pulled you closer to him, you could feel the hard muscle he had been building up for weeks, under his shirt.

“and neither is she.”

© cobiehaven 2024

[sweetmariihs2]

🪄My thoughts on Cedric The Sorcerer🌙 (until now)

(not that anyone cares idk i just wanna talk about him, it's a lot of random thoughts and it's messy, but it's fun to read I guess)

Did you like that cute moodboard I did for him? It took me like 10 minutes I loved it. It fits him so well I'm so proud of myself for doing this. The whimsigothic aesthetic matches him so well I wish more people knew it so we would have tons of moodboards and cute stuff of him in this aesthetic it would be so nice. Ok let me start my post

I wanna share some headcanons, talk about my first impressions, it's not really organized I just wrote down whatever I remembered and the result was that. I wanna share my new hyperfocus with more people, that's what I'm doing here today :)

Everything started when I saw this man on Tumblr and though "who's this guy and why is princess Sophia next to him?", when I clicked on the hashtag out of curiosity I understood that it's because he's a character from the cartoon, and I was like "lol another tumblr sexyman again let's move on keep doing my things and interacting with my fandoms" (december 24)

I also mentioned it to my friend on IG bc I saw a reels that was like "you don't have any weird fictional crushes right?" and then proceeds to show us an edit of him with millions of hearts around. I sent it to her and said "omg I saw ppl talking about this on tumblr" and we just laughed a lot because it was something we did not expected (not mean laughs, they were genuine laughs of shock and because that was very unexpected like HOW IN THE WORLD, and she remembered him in the show while I didn't)

Some days later I saw more fanarts of him on tumblr and that made me a little curious, but not enough to search about the subject.

After some days I just couldn't forget him, and that's when I searched his name on youtube purposely trying to find compilations of his funny moments to understand what was happening

And boy I did

At this point was just having fun and laughing thinking "omg another guy who's sassy, has good personality and is another ugly-atractive character that has a fandom on tumblr, I got it, he's very nice" and I went to do other stuff again but this man just DIDN'T CAME OUT OF MY MIND

Just making an interruption here, I loved watching Disney Junior as a kid, maybe when I was six or seven, idk I don't remember, and I was a huge fan of Sofia The First, it was one of my favorite cartoons from Disney Jr alongside Doc McStuffins and Art Attack. AND I JUST DON'T REMEMBER CEDRIC IT'S LIKE I NEVER SAW HIM IN THAT SHOW, EVER. I literally don't remember him being part of the cast i'm sorry Cedric 😭 now he stands out so much to me, he's carrying the whole show on his back. Btw now that I mentioned Disney Junior I would like to say that here in Brazil Sofia First is actually called Little Princess Sofia, and Doc McStuffins is Doctor Toys. Sometimes I call Sofia "Princess Sofia" but I don't even know if that's how they call her in the english version, I watched everything on portuguese 😭 but ok let's move on (I have more things to say related to the brazillian dub, but let me finish my train of thought first)

As I was saying this man just didn't came out of my mind, and I was like "Oh no another hyperfocus where people around me will make fun of me because they will say that he's ugly and that liking kid's shows is something weird 😭 I can't take this anymore" and I tried to deny it but I CAN'T i'm almost making a pinterest board for him, I just accepted my fate (gonna draw fanarts soon and no one can stop me)

I found a list of every chapter he's in and i'm watching every. single. one. of. them. I watched the movie first, and boy this is gave me so much nostalgia because I remember some vague objects and scenes from when I was a kid, I used to love the Disney Princesses, when I got a little older I started watching Descendants, I grew up watching Tangled and Frozen and I swear to god I almost teared up from nostalgia during the episode Rapunzel shows up, and they didn't changed her voice actor, that's what got me. It was like travelling back to a time I didn't even remembered that existed anymore. Because since I haven't seen Sofia The First in about 10 years, I don't even remember anything FROM the show except for some parts, and that this show had so much old Disney energy that I didn't even know made a difference, but it does.

I'm sounding like a granny here but (i'm not even in my 20s yet) it feels like another time, Disney changed so much. Some of the new movies are good, some are bad, I see Disney much more as a company that wants money and makes movies instead of that perfect place where all dreams come true and every girl is a princess (Here in Brazil I never had a dream to go to Disneyland because Disney in the early 2010's invested more in products and blue ray DVDs in Brazil, since the parks were in the United States and we weren't really the target audience for that. So they didn't minded making publicity about it, so I just watched the movies and Disney Junior). Everything felt more magical when I was a kid, I spent my days watching DVDs and sometimes had some Disney princesses themed toys, it was so fun playing pretend that I was a princess and I really felt like one. Rewatching Sofia The First made me feel like this again because they made this show at the time that their public were HUGE fans of the Disney princesses and it has the same characteristics, plots, even styles of the songs and soundtracks, visuals + I watched it when I was younger. It's not just "princesses" it has the whole Disney girly early 2010's magic into it and it made me so bittersweet, even if they tried they could never do nowdays a movie inspired by that time and give me the same feeling as a REAL movie from that time does. Sofia The First: Once Upon a Time was like watching a new movie from that old Disney, one that I didn't saw before, but at the same time I did, and that's the best part. The end of the movie gave me so much nostalgia that I almost cried too. That experience was amazing :")

It gives me the same nostalgia that I feel when I hear that song "a dream is a wish your heart makesss" it makes me cry how I miss to be a little girl again (i'm crying right now btw i'm very intense with my emotions)

(And hell I don't remember Cedric at all, since when he was there the whole time? Now that I know that he's there I'm feeling like really reeeeaaaaalllyy vague memories are trying to come back in my head, but I don't know if my brain is doing this on purpose or i'm just confusing him with an equally vague memory of Cruella. I guess it's the first option, I'm trying so hard that my brain is making up memories. Weird.)

But yeah at first I saw everyone falling to his feet and even though I understood that he was very funny and had a well-writen personality I couldn't really get why people were romantically in love with him. Well um I actually got it, he was a good character and was one more of these strangely atractive characters that people fall in love with, I've been there too. But I just couldn't see what was so atractive that people were simping over him, for me at that moment he was just funny and fits very well the "let's make a fandom" type of character, like for example Preminger from Barbie Princess and The Pauper. But then I thought "idk what i'm talking about i'm demisexual lol let's wait a few days" (That happened before. Many times.)

And I'm like. I don't know what's happening to me I'm so susceptible to weird (in socially non-fandom people's words) crushes and I thought I wouldn't be afected this time. Just so you can have an idea some of my last crushes were: Dr Flug from Villanos, Jackson Jekyll from Monster High, Victor Frankenstein from Okegom, Raggedy Andy, Mettaton from Undertale (and UnderLust), THE Eddie Munson (for a whole year and some months, and I was so bullied after his "trend" ended because people said that his fans were cringe and everything (that's fake lol they are very nice)), 70% of my list are just nerds and sensitive guys with different types of mental illness yay my fav type

and now I think I'm feeling unironically atracted by this man it's just happening really slowly 😭 (DEMISEXUALS ‼️‼️⁉️⁉️💥💥💥💥💥👊👊👊👊)

I'm gonna be honest with you, at the moment I can't decide if I like him or not I'm so confused at the same time that I get it I also don't like how tf am I atracted by this man 😭 and then I'm like hmm he's acually cute let me search for some fanfiction

I'M SO CONFUSED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE i guess I'll just wait to see what happens

you guys know that tiktok audio "at first I was like 'hmmm feet' as a joke,,,,, but bro....... I don't think that's a joke anymore...." (that's me rn but with Cedric)

Also I would like to take this oportunity that you're listening to me talking about Cedric to say the most important thing that this fandom needs to know:

We need more Cedric representations in Whimsical/Whimsigoth/Whimsigothic aesthetic it's like it was made for him just search that on Pinterest please you won't regret

And I'm here wondering what kind of songs he would listen to. I think he would like dark fantasy music, or witch music. I don't care if he's on medieval era and people didn't had access to a lot of music genres at that time, we are talking about disney nothing is historically correct

I can't help but think about Lana Del Rey but being a huge fan of her songs I don't think that it matches his tastes. I guess he maybe would like Aurora's last album, The Gods We Can Touch. I don't know why, it's the witchy vibes I guess. But I don't know, it's still not something that matches him a lot. EXCEPT FOR THE SONG MIDAS TOUCH FROM AURORA. IT'S PERFECT FOR HIM YOU GUYS SHOULD CHECK IT OUT

The cover isn't giving the aesthetic though, Aurora made this song for a show and then put the show album cover unfortunately. But her aesthetics are usually whimsical and magic, inspired by theatre, greek gods and tarot. This song is so good 😭

And of course there are songs like Everything Matters that fits his vibe but idk it depends on who's listening since it's not about the lyrics. The Innocent has a small part who matches him a little, the whole song has that witchy vibe dancing around the fire, I don't know how to describe it.

Coming back to Cedric I think my favorite scenario is him having an apprendice not too much younger than him. I think it's cute. I've never seen any fics like this (in fact I just read like 5 oneshots which is almost nothing) and if you guys know any let me know. I think it's just nice the idea of living with him and being his apprendice while having like a romantic tension between the two characters. It's cute

Also remember when I said I was going to talk a little more about the brazillian portuguese dub? So, something that I thought was really funny happened to me: In the first season he had his voice actor obviously and I was already used to his voice some time after watching the cartoon. It was very funny to me because the first time I saw a "scene compilation" of him it was in english, so hearing him talk in my language was fun. And btw his voice actor did a really good job voicing him, he (had a similar voice and) was really expressive just like his english VA, so like, really nice 👍

And then at some point in season two, from one episode to another, his voice actor suddently changed????? And obviously I got a little sad because his first VA was really good and I was used to his voice :( but the thing is: The new VA wasn't just a new one, IT'S THE SAME GUY WHO VOICED DR FLUG HERE IN BRAZIL AND I WAS LIKE OMG

THEY ARE SO SIMILAR IN PERSONALITY AND NOW THEY HAVE THE SAME VOICE WITH THE VOICE ACTOR'S MANNEIRISMS AND EVERYTHING (because that VA really has an specific way to talk, he stutter a little, sounds a little ironic but at the time really anxious, make some funny sounds for no reason sometimes like his screams)

I was really upset when they changed all the brazillian voice actors in Villanos, and that Flug didn't had his full-of-personality-and-expressive voice anymore :( the new episodes now have new voices and eveything, and they did their best, but it's not the original voices anymore and it doesn't hit the same yk? And then BAM CELDRIC HAS DOCTOR FLUGS VOICE NOW BITCH TAKE THIS

and the fact that Sofia The First was dubbed even before Villanos came out it's so funny to me

So yeah let me show you guys his amazing work at voicing two of my favorite characters:

After they changed Cedric's voice actor I was a little annoyed by the fact that I couldn't hear Cedric anymore, just Flug 😭 but now I'm slowly getting used to it and it's starting to sound like Cedric again.

Before that happened I could see some similarities between the two but I thought that I was just thinking too much and trying to connect two fandoms that I like, so I just forgot about it. After that happened my mind just blew it all make so much sense right now

And they are so similar in personality that I had to make a list of everything they have in common:

They work for guys that are completely blind to their talents and think that they're just idiots all the time

They have more potential than people think

Their projects/spells always go wrong because people keep disrupting their public moments, and so they are seen and weak and dumb (when they're not)

Science/Magic guys (they keep throwing liquids from one pot to another and saying difficult words, only for someone to stop them halfway and the substance explodes in their face, making them angry because this person once again interrupted their project that was going perfectly)

Self-confidence issues

Anxious mess, are always nervous and scared of something bad happening all the time

Childhood trauma because people never really saw their acomplishments and again and again kept repeating that they are idiots who don't know nothing (when they are geniuses!!)

They say that they're mean and they say that they do mean things when actually they are just really nice. They just choose that path because they think it's the only one that can bring them sucess and recognition in the future, but they were never made for this. They just do that because they want to proof their value to people who can't see it.

At the same time that they are mentally unstable, sometimes their confidence is so high that they start to act arrogant because "they're too smart and their projects are amazing": "I love what I do I'm the best sorcerer/scientist in the world"

But when they need to show that to people something bad always happens (because of other people!) And their plan fails, leaving them with confidence issues

"I'm too smart you guys don't deserve me"

"I can't do anything right omg i'm so stupid"

Their movements and maneirisms are so expressive, they're both skinny and tall and keep making those anxious poses, fidgeting with their hands, always anxious, scared of something, thinking too much and overall being nervous and ankward around their bosses

Boss just treats them as failures and gives them orders, in which they respond in the most submissive and saddest way because they're just miserable and just two little guys who are trying to proof their value in a place where no one even see them as people

But sometimes they are genuinely egoistic and egocentric because duh they're the best sorcerer/scientist out there, hello everybody is gonna know their name when they rule the world bye

They act so stupid and lovesick in their official crushes episodes, it's so funny

And even if we never saw Dr Flug's official face there is a design out there in the fandom where he has black hair with white streaks on his bangs so like 👍👍

Well um I guess that's all I have to say about this subject for now

These are my thoughts 🫶

I feel like I said a lot in a short amout of time but I'm here writing since 04:30 AM and now it's 07:47 AM so like. yikes

[certifiedstarrr]

『Always - bsf!nick x reader 』

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warnings: swearing. that’s it.

purple = nick

pink = y/n

NOT PROOFREAD!

b/n: wrote this cos i’m on it rn😐🤷🏾‍♀️

THIS IS REALLY SHORT AND I DIDNT HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR IT SO SORRY IN ADVANCE😭

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have my period. It was basically the worst time of my life, and I was going through it.

I was laying in bed holding my stomach while attempting to watch a movie. It felt like being stabbed over and over again.

I couldn’t do it anymore, I had to call Nick. Nick was my best friend since forever, and practically knew me better than myself.

“Hey y/n what’s up?”

“Hey nick do you think you could come over?”

My voice broke as the stabbing pain came back.

“Yeah I can, i’m on my way,”

I hung up the phone and started balling. I held my stomach, it never helped. I took the Advil bottle that was on my nightstand and took it. I hate how long it takes to kick in.

After that I just cry, not even trying to attempt to watch the movie, but just crying.

“oh y/nnnnnnnnn”

His voice was muffled because of how much i was crying.

“oh y/n don’t cry”

He placed all of the bags of stuff he brought down by my bed hugged me.

“im sorry nick,”

“and i look horrible, i’m so sorry”

That’s all I could manage to muster out before sobbing.

“I don’t care about what you look like hun.”

I still was balling my eyes out. It was just so much pain to bear.

“Shhh….its okay I’m here now so let’s forget about that let’s watch the movie.”

“thank you”

“Anything for you girl.”

I noticed the bags and started to get curious about them.

“nick what did you buy?”

“A heating pad, 2 bags of chips, 2 tubs of ice cream, a blanket, giant sized chocolate bars, and chinese takeout?”

“Nick you didn’t have to though”

“But I did so let’s not worry about your period and get you distracted.”

I got up and and decided to take a shower. I hadn’t done anything today except for staying in bed doing absolutely nothing. It was only day 2 of my period and I had many more days coming.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“Okay y/n I’ll be out here waiting for you”

I went into the bathroom and closed the door, and looked at the mirror. My hair was all messy and my face all wet from the crying. I needed to take a shower ASAP.

I undressed and stepped in the shower, the water was cold but I was unusually hot still. I let the cold water run a couple more seconds and I was back to a regular temperature. My period blood had dripped onto the shower floor and I needed to hurry up and put on a pad.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

I hopped out the shower and dried my body. I felt much better and rejuvenated, but still remembered to hurry and put on a pad.

I put on some new clothes and a new pad, I went back to my bedroom where Nick was scrolling on his phone.

“Hey y/n do you feel better?”

“Yeah I really needed that shower.”

“Okay come on we are watching my favorite movie.”

“I just know you’re gonna love it”

“Okay nick”

“Also the boys were wondering if they could come too but i told matt to drive me here and to leave their asses home..”

“See this is why your my best friend”

“Exactly.”

We never watched the movie. We spent the rest of the night looking at matching nail designs to get for next week. This is why Nick is my bestfriend.

He was there for me; Always.

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a/n: idk if this is good or not but🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

taglist: @tyjna6 @lovingmattysposts @luvmxtt @novasturniolo03

[bonesandthebees]

Hey! Trying to get better at writing and honestly I thought World Forgetting was great! You dont have to answer this but what were some of the things you thought didn't work structurally?

aw thank you I'm so glad you enjoyed!

(first, this is not me asking for anyone to send me a ton of reassurance or fishing for compliments. these are just problems I have with my story from a writer's POV. don't worry about me, I know there's a lot of good stuff in the story. I just try to analyze my own writing objectively when I can to try and improve my skills)

now it's kind of hard to put all of my thoughts about my issues with WF into words, but I'm going to try so prepare for a lot of rambling under the cut

I think the most glaring structural issue is pretty much the entirety of the third act. it feels very rushed for everything that gets introduced in such a short span of time (for the record, when I refer to the third act I mostly mean all the plot events that follow after ch 12, when wilbur brings tommy to las nevadas and he nearly escapes only to choose to willingly stay)

everything past this just feels very... messy to me. we get introduced to the rest of the syndicate—Minos (Sam), Rhadamanthus (Puffy), and Aeacus (Ponk) and also get confirmation that Lethe and Styx are Ranboo and Tubbo respectively. then the only time Sam, Puffy, and Ponk feel even somewhat plot relevant again is when Hannah shows up at the sbi house and the syndicate has a whole meeting discussing wtf to do now. after that those three sort of just... disappear.

I was so caught up in trying to finish the story at the time that I didn't really care too much about it, but in retrospect that's always bothered me. why did I introduce Sam, Puffy, and Ponk in such a cool dramatic way if I was barely going to use them? Ponk at least has a function for being present in the story—they are the Syndicate's healer, which is undeniable proof to Tommy that the Syndicate didn't kidnap him for his healing abilities because they already had a healer. I mean, of course it's obvious why I threw them all in, it's a fanfic and sometimes you want to include every character you can even if they're not really serving much of a purpose. which is totally fine and there's nothing wrong with that, but for my longer stories that's not a crutch I personally like to fall back on. if I introduce characters in a way that makes them feel like they'll be important, I want to pull through on that.

at the same time, there's not really a place for those three in the finale. I needed to limit the amount of heroes and villains involved in the big final roof battle because if not I'd drive myself insane trying to write that many characters in a single scene at once. if I really wanted to fix that, the easiest and probably best way to be killing my darlings a bit. cut puffy out entirely (sorry puffy), mention that Sam is Minos solely because his tech manipulation power is necessary for tommy to get kidnapped in the first place but specify he's mostly retired, and probably mention Ponk in a similar position as not really being part of the syndicate but acting as their healer anyway.

also, I was in a tricky spot where I feel like there should've been more at least a bit more downtime between the syndicate meeting -> tommy confessing to wilbur he actually does have his memories -> hannah showing up and telling them about dream's plan -> tommy letting himself get taken by punz so he can confront dream. it feels very rushed to me, but at the same time the fic was already so long and there wasn't a need to drag it out even more, so that's why it's tricky for me to parse.

oh, and there are still issues before ch 12. one of my biggest weak points in world forgetting is how much time we spend with tommy just being trapped in the house/in his room. of course it makes sense, he's kidnapped. but it makes the story feel very stagnant that we don't get to see virtually anywhere else for such a huge chunk of the story as tommy works out his memories. tbh a lack of location variation is a weak spot in a lot of my fics. world forgetting isn't the worst example though. that award would probably go to stars, as much as I love the story I can recognize that it's pretty dumb that they virtually never leave phil's palace for the entire fic. but that's a ramble for another day. basically, even though there was a lot of emotional development going on for that chunk of WF, there's basically no real plot development. so that bothers me too.

also, while I really like the first act of world forgetting when tommy is still with dream and think it's the most solid, I do think it drags on for a few too many chapters. probably could've cut it down a bit.

[inventors-fair]

Common-Typal Commentary: Matter over Mind

What did I want with this contest, really? Flavorful purpose. Communication of niche. Some weird stuff. I don't actually know what I wanted; perhaps there's this inner frustration that came out with how Bloomburrow drafts were treating me, and I wanted to express a world where typal didn't matter as heavily, where a world could run on its own merits. As I write this, I'm just finishing a draft of Lost Caverns, where I got some awesome artifact synergies going with splashes from other archetypes in the mix. That felt good! There wasn't the typal wonders, but there were pieces in between that folks used, little bits of revelatory connections. I wish it was easier to do typal. And it's not. On a week where the prompt was "typal that didn't care about typal as a theme," it becomes... Well, let's just say that the mess was justified.

There were some messy things that I want to call attention to, though. Firstly, please read and reread the prompt, because three separate people submitted uncommons. Secondly, when you're designing for common, keep complexity and power level in mind. Thirdly... There is no third point, and maybe that itself is the third point: that sometimes, I can only say what I know, and my communication should meet you halfway. If I ain't getting there, then that ain't nobody else's fault but my own. Simplify, revise, correct, and you know what, point four: your first idea isn't gonna be your best one 99% of the time. Reiterate upon yourself and you'll be taken to the stars.

I've got a few Judge Picks I wanted to point out, as you'll see, but this week was a little light so there might only be a couple. I'll go over everything in post. Speaking of post, here's what we have for commentary, posted below:

@bergdg — Aspect of Ruthlessness

From a Tarkir-oriented perspective, I think the flavor of having snakes add to their ruthless qualities with a bit of poison is pretty reasonable. Flashing it in seems a little...off? Hear me out, because this card's totally fine, but flash-deathtouch is one of those really cool combat tricks that Green's been out of for a while (see the whole Ambush Viper debate-thing that happened some time ago, I forget where/when), and if it's not granting that, then a three-mana +1/+1 feels pretty weak even with the surveil.

Flash as a keyword provides both timing-oriented tricks for responses and proactive EOT additions for turn advantage. The advantage here feels minimal on one side and maximal on the other for snakes. And maybe that answers the prompt just fine, yeah, but I still find myself asking: if I'm not playing snakes, would I play with this card at all? Honestly, no—having some snakes would be fine and having no snakes makes this card pretty dead in the water. Looking at the Step Through example, a double-Unsummon is still decent in a pinch, and the Wizardcycling makes it better just in case. I don't see the "just in case" side of this aura right now.

~

@bowtochris — Necrosis

I think that I can see some of the BTS of this card with "creatures" instead of "creature" there in the first sentence. Regardless... In a set that has incidental Zombies, this card would be totally fine, and a lot of sets and worlds do. Honestly the amount of sets that I remember as having more Zombies than they actually do is fairly high! But you can see how popular they are and how a necromancy/grave-style play system that has incidental zombies could use this as a removal spell with upside for sure. Pretty much the only place that it wouldn't fit the contest would be Innistrad, heh.

With that said, is there anything more to this card than that? Not that it doesn't work, but I feel that the type is kinda indicative of this card's lack of polish. What world is it supposed to be from? What does this flesh-eating disease/condition have to do with the Zombies' hunger contextually? I feel that this card is unfinished in a lot of ways and it's hard to commentate fully on it when there's not much given in that regard.

~

@bread-into-toast — Gift of Wings (JUDGE PICK)

I honestly thought this was a card already and I'm kinda gobsmacked that this name hasn't been used. As far as cards in general go, yeah, we're in a good spot. I see you're still using "enters the battlefield" instead of the shorthand, and lemme tell you, I'll be doing the same thing for a while as well. But all the same, yeah, mounts with evasion add to an aggressive deck and make a target for you. I like how 99% of mounts are of a higher-ish mana value, and so this card being cheap allows for more answers to follow.

Mounts are an interesting one. How many Mounts in a set, would there be mMounts with vehicles, would Mounts be brought back as small batches...? Lots of questions being asked here. But I could tell even by the art that this would be a Theros set before double-checking your prompt, and I'm down for it. If this was before or after a more Mount-heavy set, I could see a few Mounts especially as legendary horses and/or their offspring. Pegasi, too! When they attack, they carry another creature with them. You know what, I'm not gonna lie—I almost wish this had been Horse instead of Mount, but I get why you chose to go this route. There are far more Pegasus creatures on Theros than Horses, and they already have flying. Maybe there are other possibilities, but you know what, this route works just fine. I'll hash out a more comprehensive thought process if you want later.

~

@dimestoretajic — Rockface Staff

This card falls right back into the Bloomburrow trap, I'm afraid. While Bloomburrow's color overlap was a pretty no-brainer design choice, that's really not what this contest was looking for, and as such I don't necessarily know how to judge it. Is the expectation that these creatures wouldn't be major parts in the set? I mean, I could, but what world is this on if not Bloomburrow? I don't want to make any assumptions here. I also don't think that this card was intended to be on different plane than the one where this type-batching has already been precedent.

This is the extent that I can give commentary on this card's application to the contest prompt. As an equipment in general, it's fine, and I get the hybrid cost down there is intended to be an every-color-but-best-here suggestion. But that's as far as I can go. There's just no way to interpret the typing otherwise.

~

@grornt — Smothering Spores (JUDGE PICK)

There were only about ten cards in Dominaria that cared about Saprolings, and that was quite an archetype, but my personal first introduction to them was in the Alara block, where only six cards across the whole block produced them—and looking back at DMU, there were only two. So how many Saprolings does it take to screw in a good draft common? Honestly, I'd say if there were...4-5 across a set, then this card could go from just plain decent to really funny really fast.

Saprolings are meant to be as expendable as they are delicious, and while regulating a token subtype to a cheeky one-off is a little questionable, I'm down for this being a good enough card. It's totally okay to have a derived card like this get a flavorful little twist, right? Depending on the sacrifice archetype (hint: probably B/G), you could have instances where you lean more into black, or you could have an overlap where there's enchantments on one side and Saprolings on the other, right? Maybe if there was a random rare that pumped out uncommons... But that's just extra brainstorming, because the thought of a fungal infection being made deadly via Saproling is good enough for me. Solid and thoughtful.

~

@izzet-always-r-versus-u — Lights in the Sky

I'm so sorry that I didn't get a chance to message you beforehand and remind you that this is a common contest. I'll read this card on its merits, but you're not the only one to submit an uncommon at first, so hey, that's all good.

The other thing is that I may just not be the right audience for this card as it stands. The only Aliens we've had so far are the ones from Unfinity and the Doctor Who—will there be any in the Death Race set? I forget. Anyway, there's currently no metric for what that might look like in an in-universe set, and the implications are...very sci-fi in a way that I can't critique in good faith. The card is fine, the mechanics are fine, and it could be a real painful beater in limited. You might want to put "this permanent" instead of "this enchantment," but I'm not sure. I'll be honest, comrade, I got nothin'. If MTG has a single sci-fi hater among them, it's me on top of this hill, dying from an alien death ray. We'll shoot for the stars next time.

~

@lich-of-the-golgari — A Good Boy's Rest

Let's back up for a second and talk about what this card is doing. From a purely flavorful perspective, this card makes sense. Pragmatically, it's asking for Shrines at common, perhaps additional shrines, legendary enchantments at common, and a new kind of role token, and a multicolor theme at common as well, and on an ambiguous world. Do you see where I might have some issues with this card design-wise?

Time and time again, I want to tell folks that unless we're asking for out-of-this-world weirdness, you don't have to reinvent the wheel for these contests. Most of the time, it's detrimental to good design sense. This prompt in particular is looking for starting keystones and the base beginnings for some designs that would suggest small pieces of an overarching set in a way that aren't main themes. In my opinion, this card goes against pretty much every one of those notions. Simplify, simplify, simplify. I know it's tempting to stick with an idea that resonates internally, but it's more important to learn when to go back to the drawing board.

~

@melancholia-ennui — Haunted Crypt

It's really, really hard not to see this card as a derivative of Step Through. The only question is whether or not the role it would have in the set would be that of a cycle or that of a one-off. As a one-off, it would be one of the more powerful ones, presumably, if there are any half-decent Spirits in this set at all. Never underestimate the power of landcycling. The reason that Step Through could be at common is because it's a steepish cost for a half-decent effect, and the discarding (even with no Wizard) was part of the possible pieced-together archetypes. What would the archetypes be here?

This card highly suggests something to do with discarding or BW graveyard shenanigans, but also with the typal component; a reasonable player would assume that this draft archetype would be a BW spirit typal shell. Do you see what I mean? It's hard to get away from that specifically because it's a land. Now, if there was a typal archetype, then this card would be bananas, and I think that it's certainly well-designed as it is. For this contest, it's a little too specific for what we were looking for. I'll still commend the general chops, even if, like I said, it's a bit on-the-nose given our examples.

~

@piccadilly-blue — Sonorous Hum

NB: "Deck is 22 cards, all major arcana, not magic cards (in the same way that a d20 is not a magic card), no rules text. // You choose whether or not you run a tarot deck as the game begins. If you don't, you ignore all instructions relating to the tarot deck. // If you're using a tarot deck, after all mulligans have been taken, you shuffle your tarot deck and then the top three cards are turned face-up as your spread."

When you submit a card like this, not only are you asking us to evaluate the card in its relation to the contest, but also evaluating a new mechanic with a series of highly complex rules interactions. And you're also asking us to evaluate a deck with card that each would have a series of as-of-yet unknown rules interactions that have not, to our knowledge, been designed or submitted. So with that said? I can't evaluate this card. I literally, actually cannot, because it's asking knowledge of me that doesn't exist.

I want to love it, of course, and not in the way that I want to love all submissions. I want to be able to love what you've done. I do not have the means or the tools to give you the feedback I want to give in this position, and that's because of the choices you've made by submitting this kind of card. There's nothing wrong with going off the beaten path, but in order for us to judge properly, we gotta use the tools of the collective. I don't have those tools at the moment and I don't really have the time/energy that this idea would both require and deserve. One of my partners does love him some tarot, so just imagine we're giving this a thumbs-up in an alternate universe.

~

@wildcardgamez — Tuskeran Axe (JUDGE PICK)

Berserker is a heavily underutilized creature type, in my opinion. On Kaldheim, there were all those zombie berserker thingies, IIRC, but also a few in the general BR shell. Still, what if you wanted warrior/equipment blends, or you wanted a Giant Berserker to go out there? This card, upon reflection, is a sheepish reminder for me of how I should've made this contest out to be. I'm writing this before I get to the grand reflection, but seeing this card as a unique and funky draft-archetype hybrid is certainly interesting on a design scale, but it's not exactly "weird." It's good! Don't get me wrong, it's quite good.

Was I looking for that weirdness more so than cohesion? It's possible. World flavor is a strange thing. Sometimes, everyone is a berserker. Sometimes the colorless-ness matters, especially for equipment, like that artificer example from earlier. Actually, what I like about this card is that it assumes you're playing red if you're playing berserkers, but if you manage a mono-black berserker deck or whatever, then you're just getting some cool color advantages. I dunno, this card's pushing all the right buttons for me. Am I just jaded with myself, or is this closer to the prompt than I imagined? This is good self-reflection but probably not the best critique. Well, you've already got a seal of approval, so I'll axe the rest of this before I start rambling even more.

~

@xenobladexfan — Death's Finality

When making this prompt, I feel that there was more of a typal-payoff kinda vibe than a draft-answer kinda vibe. As we have it here, Thraben Exorcism is already a card that exists, and this card more or less goes a little farther than that. I want to say that there's nothing wrong with that—and in a vacuum, there isn't. But when there's already such a specific card, and when that card itself wouldn't be what the prompt is after, it makes this kind of judgment a little more difficult than it would be otherwise.

Whether or not you saw Thraben Exorcism before this, well, I have no idea. Exiling zombies and cards from graveyards is also a little beyond the initial scope, so there's that. The similarity is just too much for me to buckle down and say that this card stands on its own merits. If nothing else, though, I hope that this is some kind of learning experience. One, it's a good idea to double-check your cards to see if some maniac at WotC has printed the effect before. Two, feel free to lean into the more proactive side of payoffs rather than answers; answers come to the board when they need to. Right now is the time for asking questions.

Tomorrow's another day. Be well! @abelzumi

[meaninglessblah-writes]

idk if you're still taking prompts but jaytim+ 1.) "You are enough."

I wondered what it might look like if Tim sought out Jason, after Dick choses Damian to be Robin. Thank you for your prompt ❤️

"Do you ever think about not doing this anymore?"

In the corner of his eye, Jason lowers the pad thai he's been forking into his mouth. It's a few heavy, contemplative beats before he clarifies, "'This' being…?"

Tim waves an aimless hand towards the city beneath them, an orange glow that burns stark against the greying city and the murky clouds above.

"This. Being a vigilante. Being Robin, I suppose."

Jason chews, and doesn't answer for a while. Beneath their boots, the distant sounds of traffic hums through the night.

"It's a lot to give up."

The bleak laugh bubbles over his tongue unbidden, and Tim bites his lips to regain a semblance of composure. "Not as much as everyone else. I became Robin for Bruce, to give him a purpose. I wasn't ever in it to get something for myself. I moulded myself around that need. It's not a legacy, like it is to Dick. Robin is just who I am when I need to be; it's not that much to lose, right?"

Jason's tone is gentle. "A lot of yourself, I mean."

Tim lets that settle against his chest, heavy and close. Jason shifts closer, his elbow knocking Tim's as they stare out over the cityscape.

"It takes a lot to be Robin. You put a lot of yourself into that, and sometimes we forget how much it takes out of us."

Jason rubs his thumb into his palm in deep, slow circles. He watches the horizon, gaze distant. Tim watches his scarred hands.

"Nothing about this life is done in half-measures. When it takes a bite out of you, it takes a whole mouthful. Gotham will chew you up and spit you out if you let it. Sometimes that means standing your ground and saying, 'Don't fucking eat me.'" Jason turns to look at Tim, and Tim holds his gaze. "But sometimes it means knowing when you're outmatched. Sometimes you just need a break from all of Gotham. Sometimes the distance helps you gain a little perspective on everything. Vigilante life included."

Tim digests that in silence, nails tapping against the pockmarked concrete ledge beneath them. The light is beginning to return to the horizon, seeping through the fog of a storm lingering over the city. This high up, it all looks small, and inevitable.

"Do you think any of us ever really walk away from this?"

Jason tilts his head, considering. "You can take the kid outta Gotham, but… You're strong, Tim. You've got your head on straight. And that sense of justice? That sense that drew you to Robin in the first place? That doesn't disappear when you take the suit off. That stays with you. That is you."

He leans his weight back on his palms, inhaling deeply the morning Gotham air.

"So no, you don't walk away from that. But Robin? Yeah, you can outgrow Robin."

Tim huffs a short laugh, chest feeling a little lighter. "Easy for you to say. You got your growth spurt from a magic Pit."

"Maybe you weren't supposed to be Robin," Jason returns, deadpan. Tim glances up at him, the mirth sliding swiftly from his face, but Jason doesn't sound spiteful. "You said it yourself; you were filling a role, a gap. Maybe Robin isn't ever who you were supposed to be."

"But if I'm not Robin, who the hell am I?"

Jason shrugs. "The universe has a weird way of righting itself. A messy, fucked up, fated way of putting us on the right track. Losing Robin, that hurt you. I won't pretend it was good, or right. But the universe doesn't care much for right or wrong. You and me? We've got to set the record straight ourselves. If you want something out of the universe, you've got to carve it out yourself."

Tim shakes his head, trying to parse Jason's untouchable philosophy. "Robin is all I've ever had. If I'm not Robin, who could I even be?"

"You could be enough," Jason answers, looking back out to the horizon. The sun is beginning to stretch towards them, bright and warm. "It's not a matter of changing yourself, Tim. You're exactly who you need to be. You are enough."

His blue-green eyes look depthless, older than his years when Jason turns to smile at him.

"You've just got to tell us what enough looks like now."

Prompt me again!

[wotchergiorgia]

how do people meet? I don't know the answer - I only know that it happens and then you're fucked up. you meet people casually, randomly, only to find out a few seconds later that it wasn't random at all. it was fate - you now know it. you recognized the each other in the exact instant your eyes met for the first time. I could never forget that moment, the first impression I had of you, your messy hair, your funny smile and the way you simply sat next to me (as if God was guarding upon us and leading our souls next to one another). it was a moment, an instant, a second, and I knew it, just like I know what it feels like to have the sun shining and burning on your skin, to have the rain and then the hail falling on your head, making your hair wet. it was both a new and normal feeling, as it seemed to me that we've known the each other for ages. we just connected, in the purest and silliest and flirtiest way possible. and it was so obvious, so evident. everyone started talking about us the way people always gossip about others. but we didn't care, so much so that we almost didn't admit it - admit what was going on between us. and we opened our eyes, together, at the same time, discovering a whole new world made for us only. it was beautiful, because we were together and we forgot everything and everyone else. it firstly was slow, calm, probably terrifying, and then it became so brutally fast that we lost the count of the previous days, as if nothing existed before us and nothing was expected to exist after us. we were the beginning and the end of that little world of ours, we were the masters, the leaders and the destroyers. we perhaps were meant to be, because it was too weird for you as well as for me. I strongly and firmly believe in fate, you know it - I told you on our second date probably. I believe that nothing happens without a reason, that everyone you meet is there because of something you can't immediately explain. and I met you. you met me. we just met, our eyes did so. and I don't know how our future will look like, I don't know how long we're meant to last (though I hope forever), and probably I don't even care that much. currently, everything I'm interested in is to take care of you, to take care of me, of us; I want to believe in us, to support us and make it work out, for I know it can. I just want to nourish this, to let it grow for what it really is. I'm dedicated and I feel you're dedicated as well. I love our daily videocalls, even though they don't last that much. I love saying goodnight to you, sending you kisses and not wanting to hang up the phone. I love downloading the photos you send me, sending you audios only so that you can hear my voice. I love taking pictures for you and talking about you as much as I can. I love the little moments we're sharing on distance - like you shaving your face in the middle of the videocall last night. I love reminding us of the smallest things we shared together while we were not apart - the kind of things you said you love so much. I love reliving our first kiss, all of our hugs. I love reminding myself of the honesty we've put between us since the first day. I love recalling the evolution the two of us had in the past weeks, remembering it day by day, as if no time had passed at all.

but I'm sad sometimes, because I'd love to have a day marked on my calendar, counting down the days before our next meeting. I'd love to have you here, next to me, and just living you as we lived the each other for such a brief time. I'd love to be able to hug you whenever I can, wherever I want, to kiss you on the lips when you compliment me, when you say I'm the smartest, the prettiest, when you say I make you happy and better. because I have no logical or rational response to these and kisses say more than what I can't. I'd love to have our moments back, to come back where I actually belong - between your arms. and I'd love to show the whole world how these things can happen, especially in the most unexpected moments. because I want to prove to myself and the earth that we can make it work, that it can be the most beautiful thing we've ever experienced, we've ever seen.

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

🍢 🍜 🍠 🍥 🍘

Have a good evening, sweetie! 💜

🍢 Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

surprisingly, no??? I have never gotten any hate in general on this page. I'm still surprised that given I'm the, I think, most active Sihtric page here right now never led to getting any form of hate, which I take as a good sign of course! but then I also really don't care about drama in general so I'd probably reply with a meme or a joke that would make it even worse lmao

🍜 Do you ever feel pressured to write?

oh, all the time. by myself mostly but also sometimes by the requests luring at me from my inbox, especially the ones I have no inspiration for. I just hate letting people down, you know? sometimes I also have this feeling that if I don't put out a fic for a few days, people will just forget about my page????? is this normal? (asking for a friend)

🍠 How long does it take you to write one of your fics or a chapter/part?

it truly depends! most chapters are written within a day, but sometimes I struggle and it takes several days or weeks even. And some fics are written in just a couple of hours if I'm really fired up!

🍥 What's your favorite fic you've written?

I am a big fan of my Halloween and Fighter fics. I also really like how the 'Baby Daddy' fic turned out and I've actually read that one myself a few times.

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned?

I had this really insane idea for my Halloween fic which only one person here knows about (you know who you are), but it was so messy I decided to not do it. also there are two fics in my masterlist I abandoned not long ago because I was simply not inspired anymore and they have an ending to them where I left it, even if it is slightly open.

[andswarwrites]

Day 17

I'm a mom who has a mom, and isn't it true that there are certain aspects of motherhood and daughterhood that give you insight so you can have empathy both for your mother and your daughter?  Let me explain.

When I was a kid my mom would repeatedly tell me: "You'll understand when you have your own kids."  I remember balking when she would say that.  I would fantasize about the kind of mother I would be, and how I would let my kids do this and that, eat this and that, and I would play with them.  There are of course differences between my parenting style and my mom's, but I understand what she meant.  As a parent, you are juggling so many tasks, decisions, cares; your child doesn't understand why you have to say no to what  to them seems like a very reasonable request, but for you it is just too much to add right now.

I sometimes say "no" or "let me think about it" or "maybe some other time," not because I can't comply with what N- is asking, but because I simply do not have the mental energy to make another decision right now.  By the end of the day, I have made so many mini choices, from the order in which I'm going to go about my work for the day, to what I'm going to feed myself and my daughter, to how I'm going to respond to messages and texts, to how I should word a certain phrase, so any additional question feels like the drop that overflowed the bucket.

On the other hand I remember how disappointing it was when I was little and it seemed like my mom was always busy, so I tend to, if she wants to play together, suggest Lego; I used to build multicolor houses with her with her Duplo, but now she's moved on to Lego at her age.  Her dad paints miniatures, and he enjoys painting with her.  N- used to try to get me to play with her MLP or her LPS figurines, but she has a friend who enjoys doing that a lot more than I do, so now I'm off the hook.

I want to create pleasant memories for my daughter, the way my mother did for me.  What I remember the most is when my mother and I would chat in the evening, when both of us were relaxed, and she would get me talking by asking me questions.  I do my best to replicate that.  I honestly think the best gift a parent can give is time.  Time and peace.  And to have a peaceful home environment you need inner peace yourself, which means keeping stress at bay, which can be easier said than done.

I'm generally pretty calm, but I do let certain feelings and emotions build up until they are released in a short, sharp burst of harsh words.  When that happens, I apologize as soon as I can.  And you know how amazing N- is?  She is so forgiving.  She does not hold onto a grudge.  She sees the best in people, and when she forgives, she forgets.  The only time this proves a challenge for her is when someone she loves is wronged.  To me that proves her loyalty.

Many people considered my parents strict.  The way I would describe my upbringing is that they had standards and requirements, but they also encouraged me to learn and take on responsibility.  At times I felt like I wasn't given sufficient freedom, but I think my mom especially was very protective.  I think N- is far less sheltered than I was, because her childhood has been vastly different from mine.  And since she is so creative, I do give her a lot of breathing room.  I encourage her to draw in her sketchbooks and on the computer, to animate, to compose music, and to write stories.

I used to feel guilty that I seem incapable of providing N- with the same structure I grew up with, but I realize now that S- and I are not bad parents just because we let N- have a messy room, which I was never allowed.  I don't really command N- to do things, I remind her and I make suggestions, but I don't enforce.  Of course there are rules that she has to follow, and she has responsibilities, and she's going to accumulate more as she matures.  I wouldn't call us lenient, I would call us relaxed.  And N- is far from rebellious, and she likes to take initiative.  The other day she completely cleaned her room, from the floor to her bed to her desk, without being told.

You know the saying "When I say "Jump" you ask "How high?"?  I've never liked it.  I feel like if our children feel they can communicate freely, and ask the reason for certain rules and regulations, it will make it easier for them to follow direction.  I think the reason N- went ahead and impulsively cleaned her room is that she agrees with me, and a living space that is neat and clean is good for mental health.  I don't need my home to be pristine, I just like a certain amount of order, and I like pretty things all around, from the pile of books on the end table to the scented candle and teacup on the table.

I think the most important quality I can cultivate as a mother is empathy.  And I need empathy as a daughter as well.  Those regular chats I used to have with Mom?  I still have them, just over the phone.  Today she called me and poured out her heart about something that had upset her.  All she needed was a listening ear and some comforting words and I was happy to provide those.  Every human has a unique perspective, and I think it enriches everyone when that perspective is shared, and it enlightens us to one another's point of view.  Within reason of course, there are some disagreements that are unavoidable

I sometimes wonder how close N- and I will be after she leaves our home.  Will she call me every day like I call my mom?  Will she live nearby enough that I will be able to invite her over for dinner regularly?  She's turning thirteen soon, which means she'll have Instagram.  I can't wait to tag her in posts and send her memes.  I remind myself every day to treasure the time I get to spend both with my daughter and my mom, because life is fleeting, and change is inevitable, so from tears to laughter, just being together is precious.  All of it.

[tenelkadjowrites]

i know i gave up on hongmullet, but it served. hwa's red era was so short and unexpected, feels like a fever dream, i often forget it happened then i see a photo or a video and suddenly i remember 😳

twitter is really the worst, tik tok too tho i don't use it. tumblr has its flaws but i've been her for ages, it's my swamp at this point, i won't leave. it also doesn't have a lot of minors and no offense but i don't wanna see opinions of 16 year olds and i definitely don't wanna interact with them and see them simp 🙅🏼‍♀️

ohhhh i used to be a proof reader so i get you! i also wrote articles people requested so it wasn't very fulfilling. taking requests feels like too much pressure and it's unnecessary when you have enough ideas on your own and you have to meet so many expectations, some requests are very specific and detailed too

understandable about not sharing a lot of personal things on this blog, and you have another tumblr account correct? makes sense you wanna keep this one more, hmm let's say professional. like me on twt i kept my hwa account strictly seonghwa related, barely stated my opinions cause that wasn't the purpose of it, also didn't want people to say shit since the account gained quite a lot of followers. i was being myself on my main.

interesting point about not listing fic influences etc, i never thought about it this way! personally i like when writers share some behind the scenes, but i like to read them after i read the fic so it's just a bonus

omg 3 parts? gotta buckle up for that

i also don't use tiktok cuz i have adhd and i know it'll be a time sink of which i won't come back from lol. and yeah, tumblr is just my ideal place right now, i don't wanna interact with minors especially given what i write so i prefer it here vs twitter where, esp kpop side of things, feel like it is full of minors.

and yes, absolutely nothing against requests but i just try to write what i want when i want to write it and i worry by doing requests my work might not be as good? if it's an idea i feel like i have to write, then it shifts back more to that job feeling than a passion project and i worry it'll be bad. i like the freedom of this blog and of writing whatever i would like to write.

yes, i have a main tumblr at @hologramhoneymoon - i just reblog a lot of stuff on there, kpop stuff, movie stuff, things that hit a spot in my brain that i like, etc. i like having this blog separate from that so i can keep this just for the fics and have the other one for my messy, chaotic way of reblogging lol. and that way if ppl really don't wanna see that stuff and just want fics, they don't have to worry about their dashes being clogged up with random stuff. it keeps a sort of barrier up between myself and this blog in which i oftentimes think of myself as a little ghost or cloud that runs it. i post my stuff, i answer or talk to anyone who chimes in, and i leave.

if you ever have any specific fic questions, i can answer them, it isn't a problem - i just am super shy and don't wanna assume ppl care or burst any meaning a reader might have put on the fic from their own heart/brain if that makes sense? so i'd answer them but i'd just put them behind a cut so ppl can skip them if they want and also because i love the false sense of control i feel putting things behind a cut like i am ~hiding lol.

i'm hoping to post part two sometime later this week cuz i am still wrapping up part three and have to edit part two lol.

[pebblesnstones123]

Drabble - Morning Coffee Chats, Nancy and Joyce -  Under 2,000 Words - Stranger Things

    Joyce frowned, taking in the sorry state of her makeup drawer.  It was the second drawer down on her dresser.  There was bits of powder, eyeshadows had broken lids, lipsticks without a cap, and she wasn’t sure how long it’d been since she’d bought new makeup. When Jon and Will were younger she’d had a makeup bag, sure, but there wasn’t time to use it with taking care of them. She’d only dipped into it consistently dating again, for Bob and now Jim. Even though she had a sneaking suspicion he’d still look at her like the sun rose and set with her smile with or without it on.

    The move back to Hawkins made them all lose and forget some things. It’d been for the best at the time, with them staying in an apartment for now.  Their old house had too many haunting memories for them to want to live there again. She  pushed aside the compacts and lipstick, frowning. She grumbled to herself when she couldn’t find any mascara, eyeliner, or the tweezers she used to like for shaping her brows. 

   Then there was a knock at the door. She forced the drawer shut and rushed to get the door.   Hopefully everything was alright. It’d taken awhile to accept each visitor didn’t have to be frantic, or need help because shit hit the fan again. Sometimes people liked to be neighborly, even in Hawkins. 

 “ I’m coming,” she called, hurrying  to open it. She checked through the peephole to be safe and opened it, smiling as she took Nancy in.

    The girl waved with a smile, hefting her purse  higher up on her shoulder. “Thanks, Joyce. It’s always good to see you,” she yawned mid-sentence, looking a bit embarrassed. Joyce gave her a sympathetic smile. Shed been nursing her own cup of coffee as she cleaned her bedroom earlier. She toed off her heels  at the door.

   “How’re you doing? Want me to get you a cup of coffee?” She offered, stepping aside to let her come in.  “Seems like you could use it. “

    Nancy was a familiar visitor, and she  claimed her usual spot on the couch. Her bag was set on the side table.  She was bundled up in her winter coat  and Joyce stopped her from taking it off and putting it on the couch.

  “Now, let me take that this time. You’re a guest, dear - besides, Jim’s been complaining about us all being messy,” she shrugged. He’d gone a bit stir crazy staying home as he recovered, and from  how tired he’d been after physical therapy sessions.  

   There was a dozen or so new projects he’d done to fill the time,  him getting re-acquainted with his toolbox. One example was the standing coat hanger near the entry.  She set Nancy’s  coat on an open hook and went to get her a mug to pour coffee from. “Do you want it black, with sugar, or milk this time? Will hasn’t had time to talk me into one of those sugared up creamers this week.” He’d been on a kick with flavored creamers, after trying some at Steve’s after a sleepover with the party. 

   “You really don’t have to, I can do it myself. Thank you for hanging up my coat, too.  But since you’re up - how about just sugar? Is it already brewed at least?” Nancy asked, turning to face Joyce and getting up from the couch to see if she could help at all.  

    Joyce held up the brewed pot of coffee as her answer with a wink, waving off her thanks..  She poured her  a cup and passed it to her, Nancy gripping the mug tightly for warmth. It was starting to get chilly in Hawkins. “You always make the best coffee, you know, "Nancy said, reaching up and getting some sugar for herself, stirring it in with a spoon. “Anything I can help you do around here?”

   Joyce shrugged, getting down a mug for herself and taking the last dregs of the pot to fill it. She hummed as she thought. “The secret to making it good is brewing it with a pinch of spice. Today’s was cinnamon, a little kick helps everyone wake up. And really - all I’m doing is cleaning up, nothing you’d want to get pulled into.” She let the remark about her still being a guest go unsaid, having being a good hostess being ingrained. 

    Nancy sipped at it again, tilting her head as she took the older woman in. “It’s no problem, I came here to see Jon. But it doesn’t seem like he’s around today, I’ve got no other plans.” She let the offer rest, shifting to hold her mug in one hand and push away a few annoying strands of hair from her face with the other.  

    Jon joked Nancy should move in with how often she came around their place.  It earned him a none so gentle elbow hit to the ribs from Will. The boys were out for the morning, Hopper convincing them to try fishing.  He’d known she’d been stressed with settling in and he’d complained about feeling particularly cooped up this week. 

  “You’re not wrong,” Joyce gestured with her mug towards Nancy as she spoke, for emphasis. “They’re already out fishing at the lake. Hop wanted to go a few towns offer, spice things up.” Nancy met her eyes with an understanding look, everyone having dealt with or heard about how cagey Hopper had gotten while confined to rest at home. “All I’ve got on the docket is cleaning out my room, trying to see how I can make more space. Don’t get clutter like me when you’re old.”

    Nancy snorted and shook her head, standing up a bit straighter.  She hardly would label Joyce as old. She was more energetic than Steve, Jon, and herself most days. “Then lead the way. I’ll finish up my coffee, and we can make a game plan.”   She held up her mug in a faux cheer, following after Joyce to her bedroom down the hall. 

    Cleaning was something the younger girl always liked, using it as a distraction in the aftermath of rough moments. Her Mother had complained to Joyce about how quickly Nancy stopped using items and re-organized things around the house.  Joyce elected not to bring it up, not wanting to touch a sore spot. “Whatever you want, Nancy. Just don’t blame me if you get bored.”

[starjxsung]

Hi Star,

I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself ❤️

I wondered if I could maybe vent in here for a moment? You don’t have to respond or post this. It’s fine if it’s just out into the ether.

I’m really unhappy. Life just hasn’t panned out how I imagined and I know that’s exactly how life is but, man, it’s a lot. And I got married because I felt I had to and I think, I know I’ve made a mistake. I feel so guilty for feeling this way. I’ve been with him for 8 years. I love him because of course I do. He’s my friend and we’ve been through a lot. But I’m not in love with him. I’m not attracted to him anymore. I hate it. It’s like I’m just living with a roommate. And when we have sex…I basically just force myself every time and suck it up. Because I feel have to like it’s a thing we have to do if that makes sense? He’s doesn’t often make me orgasm, it’s something I do struggle with and I know a lot of women do. But yeah, our sex life is unsatisfying and I really crave having my needs met. I tried talking about it but it’s just not worked out.

I was feeling needy the other day and I actually had, gosh this might sound so lame…but I was chatting with a stranger and had cyber sex essentially with them. I didn’t go into that with that intent, but it led there. And with them being an anonymous no strings attached situation it felt inconsequential. I know that’s a bullshit thing to say. But it actually really turned me on and felt exciting. I suppose it was the “forbidden” aspect of it. But I felt needed and sexy. I could say the things I wanted to say. Forget about real life.

And after, I didn’t feel guilty. And that scares me. I think my marriage is over. But we own a house, and divorce is so expensive. I worry about how her retaliate, if he’ll take the house from me and my girls (we share pets). I just hear divorce brings out the worst in people and I worry about what would happen to him. What if it breaks him? We’re not young. We’re in our 30’s. Sometimes I wish he’d cheat, find someone else. I feel pathetic. I feel lost.

Anyways, I don’t expect an answer. I just needed to let this out. Thanks for letting me pour out my soul.

☀️🌑✨

Hi my sweet angel. I’m well and I’m taking care of myself!

Thank you for feeling as though you’re able to be so vulnerable on here. It takes a lot to be able to vent about this and I’m really glad that at least you’re getting your emotions out there even if they weigh so heavily on you.

First off, your emotions are completely valid and you’re not a bad person for prioritizing your wants- whether they be emotional, physical, sexual, etc. you deserve to have all your needs met and just because you’re married to somebody certainly doesn’t mean your needs are being met. I’m glad you have it in you to acknowledge that and realize that you deserve so, so much more than what you’re letting yourself settle for.

The way I see it, allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your emotions is the stepping stone to another life beyond this one. But it will involve a lot of honesty, and it isn’t going to be easy in the slightest. I think before any rash decisions are made, you should definitely look into whose name your assets are under- if everything’s in his name, reach out and see what your options are in the event that divorce becomes a tangible option. Make sure you know what your rights are, what you risk losing and what’s next for you following the relationship. In simpler terms, make sure all the messy stuff is well accounted for!

I don’t blame you for what you did. I know that as a society we view cheating as a very black and white issue, but there are gray areas where you just can’t help but justify the actions, from one woman to another. You’re in a difficult place, you’re feeling unfulfilled, you can’t seem to work things out with your husband. That’s bound to lead to searching for a sense of fulfillment elsewhere. But I do think that just like being honest with yourself it’s important, the same goes for your husband. You could use it as a device to segue into the option of marriage therapy, or potentially just to voice the same concerns that your needs aren’t being met in this relationship. If he’s unwilling to change, or to acknowledge that it will likely happen again if you can’t reignite that flame you once had, I would look a little deeper and ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life. It’s likely going to happen again, real life in the physical form. And I want to emphasize that the way you felt roused by it, fulfilled- you deserve a partner who will help you feel that way all the time! Not just to settle for living with essentially a “roommate” and treating sex like a chore.

Lastly- you’re still young. You are not old. Your 30s aren’t even considered to be middle aged yet. Sure, you found somebody you were with for a long time and as a result you guys tied the knot as I think MOST people would have done. But that doesn’t always need to mean your life is set in stone to a decision you made when you were so young. You have not met all of the people you are going to meet just yet, you haven’t even lived a fraction of your adult life by 30. You’re young!!!! Mistakes can be forgiven and decisions can end up in a tumultuous set of events that will be messy as things proceed. But choosing to change this way of life and choosing yourself is going to be the stepping stone to your life beyond this one. You’re at a forked path right now, and it takes a lot of courage and honesty to be able to choose the path you really want. But you shouldn’t feel as though your mistakes should confine you to the path you dread.

Whatever you do, know that regardless of the mistakes you’ve made and the changes that this may bestow upon you, you deserve to be happy. Many people wouldn’t find the happiness they now have if they didn’t take the first step to make some changes and be honest with themselves. You’re not some terrible person and your life won’t be completely ruined by putting yourself first. You’re just a human being and we’re all doing our best here.

In the words of Ariana Grande’s recent album- (who, might I add, has recently been divorced and is constantly dubbed a “homewrecker” and all names under the sun for putting herself first despite simply living the same reality many women are that she was simply not in love with her husband anymore! I could spend all day defending her.) Anyways, her album starts with a question- “how do I know if I’m in the right relationship?” And then ends with a beautiful outro that details “if you don’t feel comfortable, you’re in the wrong place, get out!”

The answer has always been there. If you don’t feel comfortable, get out! Put yourself first, go live your life, go be young and go be free. Yes, it will be hard. No, that doesn’t mean you deserve to be unhappy forever. And if people have things to say about it, screw them. This is your life!!!!!!

Sending you all my love 🫶 keep me posted on here if it helps you to vent, and I’ll be rooting for you from over here no matter what you decide.

🌙⭐️💫

[diary-of-a-vampire]

Even if I wouldn’t change a thing about my life, I wish;

I wish, I knew well enough who I was to come out; whether bisexual or lesbian - instead of explaining ‘I know I’m into women, but not sure if I’m into men’ for years now. Going back and forth through labels in my head in the meantime.

I wish, I was happy with my body. I wish I always stayed confident, instead of months - and falling back to crippling self hatred about my body again. I wish I knew what my gender was, and I wish I could talk about it; without feeling shame or guilt.

I wish, I had the guts to do as I pleased without being scared to hurt anyone; to get that semicolon tattoo I always wanted, to get that lip piercing I’m scared my family won’t accept, to get on a dating site without fear of not finding the one.

I wish, I was as motivated again, or get as much work done as back then; or have as many good ideas, like back then, and feel more in control and more good looking again.

I wish, I didn’t have those moments where I speak so fast and feel so hyper and don’t think straight.

I wish, I had space in my mind for more fun things - even if some of those things make me feel nothing - like other people; I wish, I had a best friend I could always talk to, without any judgement, who’s just as excited for me as I am for them. I wish, I was someone’s favourite person.

I wish, I actually didn’t have such a fear of being close - even if I didn’t have that some months ago. I wish, like back then, I had more hope of finding love or purpose. Because sometimes, I feel purposeless.

I wish, people would see more often how I feel, without having to explain myself - even if that’s an unattainable goal. I wish, I didn’t have such a hard time going to people and talk. Or not forget so much lately again. Or not get angry or sad so often.

I wish, I wanted to dress up again, and do things again, and go out more again, and be less scared again, and feel more enthusiastic again, and feel young again. I’m so scared to waste my young years :( I still really don’t want to grow up or too old, honestly.

I wish, I was happier again. I wish, I could enjoy life more again. I wish, I felt complete again. I wish, I felt so confident like then again. I wish, I felt so purposeful again…

I wish, I had more control over myself. I wish, I could just do as I pleased, without caring, to see, if it would make me happier.

And scream from the rooftop, that I might be a lesbian. And cut my hair or let it grow without care. To wear whatever the fuck I want without constantly doubting again. To post my art without caring if people like it. To get more piercings and a tattoo whenever I want. To make easier connections with people. To look more androgynous. To leave some toxic family, even if I feel guilty. To have a girlfriend. And have dates. And read more. And do more with my art and take dancing classes and speak more. And find out who I really am, without caring about what other might do or think.

But all of that might just be a dream.

Because I wouldn’t change anything right now, and I should be happy and more grateful with all that I have.

But lately, I’m just so disappointed I can’t seem to be like that again right now - without reason. I just want to be happy and confident again and not worry so much :(

I’m so tired of this. Everything is so messy and vague. And I feel so all over the place and like I’ll just only go down from here…

Maybe I’ll wake up one day and it might be fine again, but it doesn’t feel that way right now…