#sometimes the Sleepy prevents my brain from Thinking The Sad

[yardsards]

[breezycheezyart]

More headcanons please

🥺

👉👈

Gah, you've twisted my arm!! Alright, alright, I give!! 😩

One night cycle when Shiro was roaming around the castle, he heard the most beautiful sound drifting from the supposed empty ballroom. It was Allura's singing. He would stay hidden and listen until he felt sleepy and would return to his room, keeping this secret to himself. Eventually, she catches him and they have a nice night talking about altean culture 🥰. (NOTE: If I happened to get this from a fic and just didn't remember, I apologize. I've gone full delusional for this ship, so I'm unsure which is my content and which is content I've consumed lmao)

Speaking of fics, whatever outcomes that have happened in shallura fics where they spar, have absolutely happened. Make of that what you will 😉😏 (this is a call for more shallura sparring content, including myself)

One of the perks of having a shapeshifting lover is that your spooning options expand! Wanna be Big Spoon, Little Spoon? No problem! Perfect cuddles every time.

They've definitely practiced the "Bob, THROW ME!" Incredibles Toss™. Took a couple of tries and trips to the healing pods, but they got it down and it was totally worth it!!

Shiro Stop Staring At Your Beautiful Wife Challenge Failed for the 45728394th Time. He's definitely walked into walls while doing this.

Do you ever think about how Shiro's color scheme reminds you of the night sky and Allura's is like the dawn of a new day and just sigh in your soul because they are just so perfect for each other? Yeah.

The Black Lion and Allura talk about how much of a Good Boy Shiro is. Black has also told her how much of a GIGANTIC crush Shiro had on her and how much of a struggle it was to prevent from letting him know it was reciprocated. Seriously, it was painful. Black gets a refreshed paint job and maintenance as a reward/apology.

Which is stronger: Shiro's Lovesick Puppy Eyes or Allura's Super Sad Pout? This is a hotly debated topic amongst the paladins.

Despite their best efforts to be good models for the other paladins, they end up learning curses in each other's language. Coran disapproves, until reminded that only a few shots of nunvil gets him cursing like a sailor.

Sometimes Allura's (and Coran's) ears twitch when they hear something. Shiro finds this very cute. Allura counters that Shiro's ears turn pink when flustered. He finds this less cute (which prompted said ears to, in fact, turn pink).

Shiro casually places his hand in the small of Allura's back and her brain goes brrrr

Allura scritches the back of Shiro's head and his brain goes brrrr

Shiro has Normal Feelings™ about Tollura.

Allura has Normal Feelings™ about Shiro's chest when he crosses his arms.

Spinning hugs are the best. Doesn't matter who lifts who, it's always lovely to see 💜

[elliewritessometimes]

hi! i have Returned™ with a prompt from the lovely @notsomightymightytiger that has been sat in my inbox for well over two months oops im sorry-

the prompts relate to a hospital au and a sick/injury fic and i hope this is okay!!! love you kiera <3

tw: hospitals, injury, sickness it's all fairly minor though there's nothing at all graphic but do be careful take care lovelies

-

Eva Sanchez, in all her eleven year old glory, was more than used to hospitals. Sometimes, old people (in her mind, anyone over the age of 27) would be "so awfully sad" over the weeks she'd spent in a ward. But, to Eva, it was kind of normal. It wasn't exactly fun, but it was her life and she was fine with it.

Tonight, she couldn't sleep.

Earlier, this kid probably about Eva's age had come in, all bruised circles under eyes and rude words towards the nurses. Eva had listened over the gentle chatter of her own grandmother as the dark-haired girl had spoken in a voice filled with hurt to a tall couple who must have been her parents. If she strained her ears over the buzzing of a children's ward, she could hear the angry whispers between the adults and child, before this sour-mouthed, lonely patient had been left alone overnight, refusing comfort from Eva's favourite nurses. Eva felt like she should have been repulsed by this outwardly spiteful girl, but instead she was only curious, sneaking glances at her between curtains as though her eyes were magnetised to theirs.

She was pretty.

Eva liked their eyes.

For once, the ward was quiet. Eva's mother slept in a tiny put-up bed beside hers and once again her drowsy but not yet sleepy mind was focused on the angry patient from earlier. She wondered if their parents had come back or if she was still alone across the room.

Maybe she was a little delirious, or still suffering the after effects of her earlier treatment, but Eva found herself desperately struggling out from bed, pulling a blanket down with her and shuffling as quietly as possible across the ward to the other girl's bed. It was naughty and against all the rules, but Eva knew that if she wanted to sleep tonight, she had to know that the kid was okay.

She slipped past the curtain, trying to be as quiet as possible. Obviously, that didn't work.

"Hello."

Eva jumped, spinning around to see as her target leant up in bed, a hand steadying her head. "Hi, sorry, I- I just wanted to check- I mean, I don't even know you, but- I thought-"

She stopped rambling, taking a breath before beginning again. "I'm Eva."

"Kate." The girl - Kate - raised her eyebrows. "Who are you?"

"I'm on the ward too. I saw you arrive." Eva's feet were getting cold.

"Oh. You were watching me," said Kate, filterless.

"Yeah, your parents seemed kinda mad," Eva replied, also filterless. "I came over 'cause I was a bit worried."

"I'm fine."

Eva's heart dropped. She'd expected to feel a little more wanted. With a sigh, she turned to go back to bed. "Oh. Okay, then. Bye."

She tiptoed away, just closing Kate's curtain again when - "Wait! Eva, no, come back!" Kate's voice was a hushed shout. Eva spun around, narrowing her eyes until they continued. "I didn't mean go."

"Oh." Eva paused at the curtain, narrowing her eyes. Her head span a little, maybe from illness, maybe from the sudden change in attitude from Kate. "Okay."

"Sorry."

"Are you okay?"

Kate only nodded.

Still leaning a little on the curtain, Eva decided to change the subject, "Why were your parents so mean?"

Kate shrugged. "They got mad because I got a concussion. Apparently, it's my fault that this girl at gymnastics made me jump so I slipped and bashed my head in." They rubbed their head where they'd hit it, wincing a little before shaking it off to continue. "My brother says our parents just suck anyway. And he should know 'cause he's sixteen."

Eva nodded sagely; sixteen was almost an adult. She thought that she would know everything there was to know when she was sixteen.

"Anyway," Kate continued speaking. Apparently she was chatty once you got her going. Eva liked this about them - it was nice to not have to be the one doing all the talking. "Why are you here?"

"I'm sick." Eva didn't expand on it, overtaken with tiredness suddenly. "I'm here a lot."

Kate squinted suspiciously at her. "Oh. Fair enough." The squinting increased, enough so Eva could see the wheels turning in their head. Eva almost turned and left to prevent the inevitable questioning. Shockingly, it didn't come. Instead, Kate got slowly out of bed, padding across the floor to put a hand at Eva's elbow. "You're shaking."

Eva's brain short-circuited over Kate's acceptance and lack of inquiry. She opened her mouth to protest, before closing it again and taking a breath. She was, in fact, shivering. "You know when you've been awake for so long that every time you yawn, you start shaking?" She waited for Kate to nod. "That's me right now."

Kate smiled, slipping their hand into hers. "Come on." Together, they slowly made their way over to Kate's bed, slipping under the covers.

Eva yawned, prompting another roll of shivers, subconsciously tightening her grasp on Kate's hand as she did so. Trying not to put too much pressure on her sore head, Kate tilted their head towards the other girl. "This is weird."

"Yeah." Happily content that her worries from earlier were unfounded, Eva really wanted to go to sleep now. She fought to keep her eyes open, grinning when Kate giggled.

"You're so tired!" Kate obviously wasn't.

"Mhm."

"Don't go to sleep yet. You can't come over here, wake me up, get in my bed, and then go straight to sleep." She could hear them pout. "That's unfair." Eva hummed a vague response. "I'm gonna be here for all of tomorrow according to the doctor and you're here all the time, so tell me something that'll make it better."

Eva blinked open one eye. "Okay. Sure." She thought for a while. "I have these tiger toys called Giles and Corey. My tía got them for me when I first got sick to remind me to eat and drink enough." Closing her eye again, she gestured in the direction of her bed. "The ginger one is Giles, he reminds me to drink water in case I forget. The other one, the black one, is Corey-" She was cut off by a yawn.

Kate grinned sleepily. "That's so cool. I think you're cool."

"Thanks." Eva shoved her face deeper into the pillow to hide her smile. "You're cool too."

"What does Corey do?" Despite their head injury and earlier angry demeanor, Kate was surprisingly animated over these two cuddly toys. "Oooh! Does he have superpowers??? Can they fly?"

Eva laughed, "No... Corey just reminds me to eat my meals."

"Wow." Eva's yawn caught up to Kate. "You gotta show me them tomorrow." She closed her eyes along with Eva, still holding her hand under the duvet. "My parents are gonna see that I can have a concussion and still be fabulous."

"Hell yeah, you can." Shivering still, Eva shuffled closer. "We're gonna be the most fabulous friends ever."

[jamiemackenziefraser]

All That Was Fair

Chapter 21: Faerie’s Bane 

Summary: The day after the storm, Claire wants things to go back to normal. Jamie gets a little carried away, leading to an unfortunate discovery.

Read on AO3

Read chp 21 below the cut

Previous, master list , next

Chapter 21: Faerie’s Bane

Claire came to consciousness slowly beside the love of her life. Sunlight was streaming through the…— her brain took a second before coming up with the word window. Jamie was still asleep, lying on his side with an arm thrown over her body. She turned over on her side too so they were face to face, lips barely a hair’s breadth apart. Her eyes caressed over his face as lovingly as if she were touching him with her hands. He looked so young in sleep, so content. The morning light made his cheekbones look so defined although his face was smooth and relaxed. He was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

She couldn’t help but reach up to gently stroke the messy curls that framed his face, and to her delight, his lips turned up in a soft smile. He wasn’t awake though, and that simple sign of innocence made her warm deep in her belly. Oh, how she loved him. Her protective Jamie, so sweet in sleep.

It took all of her self control not to lean in and kiss him awake, but she contented herself with watching him for a bit longer.

She felt loads better that morning, and the anxiety of the previous day had dissipated, replaced by the peaceful ease of knowing they had the whole day to spend with each other. Everything in the past didn’t matter, and it best be left there. She was ready to move on and get back to normal.

A few minutes later, when his face began to twitch, she wasn’t surprised to see his eyes flutter lazily open.

“Good morning, my love,” Claire said softly, eagerly raising a hand to stroke his jaw now that he was awake.

He gave a sleepy grunt and smile. “G’mornin’, my Sassenach,” he said fondly.

When his eyes grazed down her, noticing that she was raised up on one elbow and looking down at him, he groggily asked, “were ye watchin’ me sleep?”

Claire smiled affectionately and nodded. “I was. Did you know you smile in your sleep?”

Jamie snorted, shaking his head a little. “Normal lasses would be abashed to be caught watching someone sleep, but here ye are informing me that I smile.”

Claire frowned, feeling a strange mix of embarrassment and feistiness as she often did when Jamie commented on how strange he found her. She knew that he loved her and found her ways endearing, but still— she wasn’t out here commenting on how strange he was!

She decided to tell him as much.

“And most men of the fair folk wouldn’t tease me so,” she shot back.

His eyes went wide for a second, apparently coming to the realization that he did often point out her strangeness when he was just as strange to her. He sat up, the blankit falling from his chest down to pool on his hips, and he looked at her with a guilty expression.

“I’m sorry, lass, I didna mean—”

“It’s alright, Jamie,” she laughed breathily, “it doesn’t bother me when you point things out. As long as…” a wash of insecurity overwhelmed her and she had to look down to her fingers in her lap as she finished, “as long as it doesn’t make you sad that I’m… different.”

“Claire,” her name fell from his lips like it had been punched out of him. His big hand came under her chin and tilted her face up while the other slid down her side. It smoothed down the entire length before coming to rest on his hip. He looked at her with an earnest expression. “I love everything about you. I love that you are a brazen wee thing, so straightforward. I love that ye are shameless in touching me. I love that ye always get cold and are obsessed wi’ fluffy blankets. And I love that ye’re still learnin’ human words. I love those things about ye that are different because they’re what make ye who ye are. And I verra much love who ye are.”

Claire couldn’t fight the smile growing on her face any more than she could prevent the slight blush from heating her cheeks. “Just checking,” she said with a little dismissive tilt of the head.

Jamie laughed and leaned in to kiss her.

***

Once they were dressed and Jamie had eaten, Claire watched him do dishes while she plotted how exactly she could mess with him that day. She managed to keep some distance as she schemed, but her hands were already itching to touch him. An idea suddenly struck her, and she grinned to herself, keeping it in the back of her mind for later. But first, she needed her kisses.

She got up from her spot and made her way over to Jamie as he was drying his hands. He turned just in time to see her coming toward him, his eyes widening a bit, and then she was on him. She grabbed his collar and pulled him down to her lips (he was a great deal taller than her and it was a lot of work sometimes to get him down to her level so she could reach). To her satisfaction, he dropped the small blankit in his hands and they encircled her waist instead, the great expanse of them nearly curving entirely around. Oh, his hands were so big...

She found herself suddenly losing control of the kiss as the element of surprise wore off. His lips grew bolder, pressing more insistently to hers until she opened her mouth enough for his tongue to sneak in. A shiver of delight ran down her spine, and she leaned back into the warm hands on her back. They squeezed her sides in response, tugging her closer to his body. Then suddenly he was walking her backward, pushing against her until she stumbled back and he went with her, exploring her mouth all the while.

Without the faintest idea of what was behind her, she held onto his neck and allowed him to walk her backward. It was nearly a dance. Jamie was kissing her so eagerly that she thought he likely didn’t know what he was doing either. She didn’t mind, though, she just liked being close to him.

The moment her back hit a solid surface behind her as Jamie pushed her against it, there was a slight clatter, and then a burning pain seared her back. She jerked away from it, crying out into Jamie’s mouth.

Jamie broke free from her lips instantly, his beautiful blue eyes huge with worry. There was another clang as something hit the floor, but Claire was still reeling too much to pay attention.

Her hand flew to the middle of her back— the spot just between her wings and just below her neck— where she’d been burned. Air hissed through her teeth as she grimaced.

“Sassenach?” Jamie asked, anxiety evident in his voice.

An “ah!” of discomfort was the only answer she had.

“What’s wrong, a leannan?” he asked gently.

Claire was still too busy being in pain to give a better answer, so she unhelpfully provided, “it hurts.”

Jamie’s brows furrowed. He placed both hands on her upper arms and slowly turned her so her back was facing him. He gently removed her hand from where it clutched over the raw flesh.

“Christ, lass,” came his reaction from behind her, “ye’ve a burn.”

Fingers gently probed the area around the source of the pain, and they were surprisingly cool and soft in comparison to the stinging.

“But what burned ye?” came the next question from low in his throat.

Claire was wondering the same thing herself. She glanced at the large wooden… thing… beside her that Jamie had backed her into. It was a place where Jamie displayed stuff— certain silly little items without function that were just so human. Everything there looked harmless…

As she was looking behind her, Jamie had stooped down and picked up whatever it was that had fallen to the floor. It was a long, oddly shaped thin cylinder, shiny and…

Silver!

She jumped back with a cry of alarm, eying the dangerous piece in his hand and wondering how he was holding it. Apparently it was safe for him...  

Jamie looked terrified, glancing between her and the thing in his hand.

“What is it? My mother’s candlestick?” he asked, bewildered.

“It’s made of silver, isn’t it?” Claire asked.

“Aye. Is… is this what burned ye?” Jamie asked with huge eyes.

She nodded, grimacing in pain. “Silver burns us,” she explained simply. She tried to glance behind her at her back but couldn’t glimpse the resulting burn.

He hastily placed the “candlestick” back on the wooden surface and approached her with a distressed look on his face.

“I’m so sorry, lass,” he said with a choke in his voice, “I didna mean tae hurt ye. I didna ken and I was careless—”

Before he could berate himself any further, Claire placed a finger over his mouth. “It’s not your fault, Jamie. Besides, I’m okay, it just hurts a little is all.”

That didn’t seem to reassure him much. His face was still twisted in a guilt-ridden expression, and he was eyeing her with not an insufficient amount of worry. It pained her to see him worried about her again after she’d been so hoping they’d have a normal day...

“Can ye heal it?” he asked, reaching out a hand to stroke down the length of her arm.

She shook her head. “I can’t heal this.”

Jamie looked heartbroken at her words, and she couldn’t resist bringing a hand out to rest it gently over his heart. The moment her hand made contact with him, she could feel the guilt and concern radiating from him, like a pulse that ran through him into her.

“It’s okay, Jamie,” she said softly, “I told you, it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

“It is my fault though,” he said sadly, shaking his head.

“My sweet, stubborn man,” she sighed.

Without another word, she stepped closer, bridging the distance between them and leaning her body against his. She turned her face so that her cheek could rest on his chest and then looped her arms around him.

Jamie was hesitant at first, fearful of accidentally brushing against her burn, but after a second, his arms came around her waist to hug her back.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, softly.  

“Forgiven,” she whispered, “don’t think on it anymore.”

“Come here, puir thing,” he said suddenly, bursting into action. He took a step back, grabbing her hand, and began to lead her into the kitchen. She followed meekly and didn’t resist as he sat her down before rustling around in his things.

When he returned, he knelt down beside her and turned her gently so her injured back was facing him. He had a small blankit in his hand, wet, and with the utmost care, he pressed it to the sore spot. The coolness was soothing, and a sigh escaped her lips.

“Does that feel a wee bit better, a nighean?” Jamie asked.

She nodded, breathing out a simple, “yes.”

Claire allowed him to fuss over her for several more minutes, hoping it’d help him feel better. He applied some sort of white paste to it after insisting it would help, and he finally ended by placing a sweet kiss to the top of her shoulder just above the spot.

“You’re a fine healer,” she told him, “very nice hands.”

Indulging herself, she grabbed said hands, spreading her fingers flat against his so their palms were touching, then laced them together. “Very strong but so gentle.”

“Hmm, I’m nothin’ compared to you, lass,” Jamie hummed, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. She would have preferred a kiss to her lips, but she knew Jamie was still getting over his worry, so she didn’t press him.

There’d be time for that soon enough.

*

a/n: So this was originally intended to be the first part of a longer chapter, but I wanted to experiment with "shorter" chapters (haha this still ended up being almost 2k, oh well). So there are some loose threads in this that are leading into next chapter— such as Claire's plan to mess with Jamie. Also Jamie's gift from last chapter is coming in the second half.

Thanks so much for reading!!

Next

[aislingeu]

hello!! i’m kq ( aka kelsey quinn! ) i’m twenty five, livin in the est, usin she / her pronouns!! much like the good buddy who turned me on to this rp, i don’t know a ton about percy jackson!! but mythology was one of the few subjects that held my attention in school, so i hoe i have a good handle on it! :D for now, i manage a comic book store from thursdays - sundays, so i’m scarce those times but i’m usually on discord!!

⟨ ABIGAIL COWEN. CIS FEMALE. SHE / HER ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, AISLING DUNN is actually a descendant of H Y P N O S. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-THREE year old PAINTING MAJOR from DUBLIN, IRELAND has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CLEVER & COARSE.

this got way longer than i intended im so sorry... 

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

she was born on march 12th, 1997 to a pair of irish musicians ( conor and dierdre dunn ) and, unwittingly, one greek god ( hypnos ) in dublin, ireland. her parents met and married shortly after her conception and neither of them suspected that conor wasn’t aisling’s father, until she was claimed.

as an only child, her parents didn’t have much to compare her too in terms of overall strangeness. for years, they wrote off her abilities as kids just sayin’ the darndest things. they remained blissfully unaware of the impact of their daughter’s words, rolling their eyes fondly, when she told them about the man in the cave, who came to her in dreams. they smiled and laughed, when she strangers at the supermarket that she thought erwin was a fine name to give a teddy bear, no matter what anyone else said. how were they to know that she was unearthing the fond childhood memories that passersby had almost forgotten? 

when she enrolled in primary school, they realized that she was... strange, if not special. she was recognized as a bit of a space case, often staring at nothing in particular, while her teacher droned on. her worksheets were seldom turned in complete. instead, aisling began gifting poorly drawn family portraits on the blank sides of her papers, likenesses plucked from the memories she explored when her mind wandered, in class.

eventually, after her skill had developed and people stopped writing off the stick figures as ‘coincidentally accurate’, people began to truly take notice. they speculated that she was a medium, silently communing with the dead and painting their pictures as she did. how else could she know what her art teacher’s late father looked like? and what color tie he always liked to wear? she had to be a psychic. recipients of her art were always so focused on their perception of the little girl with the gift of sight that they hardly even realized what she had tweaked, brightening up their darkest memories, just so they wouldn’t have to hurt anymore. she hardly even realized, herself.

without a reason to believe otherwise, she told the man in her dreams that she was a psychic, but he knew differently. he told her that that wasn’t so. she was special, yes, but not in the ways that the world thought her to be. hypnos let her in on the secret he’d been keeping for the past twelve years and, just like that, aisling could make sense of herself. once she knew the truth, she chased sleep. she spent as much time as she could, communicating with the one person who understood who she was. he saw her hunger for belonging and pointed her in the direction of the camp nearest to her hometown.

after a summer away, she came home faced with a challenge in morality that she’d never considered, as a child. she came home to a world where she could no longer fit. her party tricks had lost their luster the moment she realized that true value of a memory, however sad, was worth far more than the cheap smiles that her alterations had afforded. with that realization, her art took a darker turn. unable to shift the memories she saw into the light, they haunted her. she now saw their fears and heartbreaks for what they were: unchangeable. and, now, they lived within her, too. putting them to paper was the only way to get them out. but, pieces like those weren’t the kind that could be sent home to mom and dad. pieces like those were the kind that got her meetings with guidance counselors and haunted, fleeting looks from those whose memories she’d never meant to disturb. after a year of that, aisling went back to camp, full time.

once she was a year round resident of the camp, she found herself more comfortable around people who understood; there was nothing she had to hide, among those who were like her. each one of them was fighting an uphill battle of their own. they didn’t have to hide it. even if she never allowed herself to get too close, aisling never felt all that far away, at camp.

at eonia, aisling spends most of her days painting, sleeping, or working. raised by a pair of mortal musicians, finding a job at fireside records felt like a natural progression. where her godly parent thrives in silence, she finds her comfort in noise. it’s easier to block out the things she doesn’t need to see when there’s something immediate for her to focus on. at the other end of that spectrum, aisling finds her mind most open in visual arts club, trying to keep her other creative skills sharp, while she keeps her primary focus on painting. in search of inspiration, her mind reaches out in tendrils, dipping into another’s until she finds something she can work with. she only needs to leave the room before they’ve realized what she’s borrowed. 

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

aisling is a naturally empathetic person, always wishing she could do more to help those around her. unfortunately, she knows that she can’t always honor that instinct. her abilities and self-imposed limitations have left her with a hardened exterior that isn’t easy to break through. those who pass through her walls see a softer side: a steadfast friend, always there to put a peaceful end to their sleepless nights or calm their worst nightmares, with a gentle run of her fingers through their hair. but sometimes, she’ll wall herself away from even those she’s closest to after she finds herself in the middle of a particularly harrowing memory. because of this, maintaining close bonds for long is a difficult thing. given her propensity for accidentally rifling through the fondest and most fearsome parts of peoples’ pasts, she’s been known cut them out of her life when she sees something that she has the urge to alter.

𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒

MEMORY RETRIEVAL — for as long as she could remember, aisling knew things that she shouldn’t. at first, her parents just dismissed her gift as imagination and observation combining in a perfect, creepy storm. it wasn’t until she started attending school, picked up her finger paints, and started to draw out moments from the pasts of strangers that people started to truly take notice. sloppy scenes from the librarian’s wedding day graduated into well sketched portraits of her bus driver’s dalmatians. she liked to take those happy moments, immortalize them in art, and hand them off to the owners of the memories. she liked to make people smile. sometimes, she took that a step further. too young to see the value in sadness, aisling would tweak the memories that were harder to bear; even if she couldn’t bring someone happiness in the present, she hoped she could bring them comfort in the future. it wasn’t until she was claimed that aisling saw the flaws in her intervention. it wasn’t until she was taught the consequences that she knew she had to stop. although the memories came to her unbidden, they didn’t belong to her and she had no right to change them. instead of focusing on the alteration of memories, aisling opted to try to learn how to shut them out. like her other powers, though, there’s a direct correlation between her emotional state and her ability to keep a wall up. when she’s feeling something strongly or hasn’t gotten enough sleep, she sees things that she doesn’t mean to.

HYPNOKINESIS — you are getting very sleepy… what proved to be a fun tool at sleepovers had more practical applications than aisling knew possible. the skill of inducing sleep was easy enough to come by and influencing dreams was as simple as altering memories. and while ( without intending to ) she’d been known to cause visions when tensions ran high, refining those visions into ones that took the shapes she wanted them to took practice. even more difficult than that was learning to astral project, but that became a necessity, coming hand-in-hand with building her mental walls. when the uninvited memories start to weigh on her, she’s learned that it’s best to remove herself from the immediate vicinity. even if she’s only technically leaving in her head. 

OTHER ABILITIES — ( levitation ) a skill she only possesses in sleep, predominantly when her dreams are eliciting strong emotions. ( seeing the gods in dreams ) this is how she formed and maintained a relationship with her father, despite her parents being unaware of their daughter’s godly lineage. on occasion, she’ll encounter gods that she’s less familiar with and, in most of those cases, she’s been known to force herself awake.

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

there are so many cool, fun things runnin through my brain right now!! i think it would be lovely for her to have forged a friendship with an insomniac or maybe someone prone to nightmares that she could help! and those fun customer service relationships with record store regulars!! or maybe a former friend or significant other, who aisling left behind? maybe even altering their memory slightly, if the parting of ways was ugly! who knows! the possibilities are endless!! and i’m always up to hearing other peoples’ ideas because the Sweet Lord knows i am not the most imaginative person in any given room!!!

thank u for reading ilu!!! 

[lisinfleur]

Skåll!

The Request: A fiction for Hvitserk or Sigurd with the prompt: “All I want for Christmas is you under my tree.” or, bad poetry Author’s Notes | I could go for my beloved Sigurd. But I couldn’t lose the chance for a Drunk Hvitty XD Universe | Vikings Pairing | Hvitserk x Reader Info | Modern AU, prompts designed by @honestsycrets for 2019’s Holiday Event | ¹A reference to the ghost of the movie “The Ring”. Words | 1764 ⁑ Warnings: Mention to abusive consume of alcohol. Cursing.

You were his best friend for years, so you knew Hvitserk enough to know when it was time to take him out of the party.

And that time was long gone when you finally found him sitting in the corner of the living room; a cup in his hand, half-empty.

You could bet, for his hair already unbraided and his appearance, that he was completely drunk and the trip was bad this time. Hvitserk was always two different kinds of drunken person: whether he would become the soul of the party, making jokes like a clown and having everyone laughing as fuck, or he would go down the hill and become full depressive, remember his exes or mourning his loneliness.

And this time, he was under the bottom of the well, probably trying to date Samara¹...

"Come on, buddy, time to go home," you said, taking the cup out of his hand and helping Hvitserk to get up as he mumbled something you couldn't understand.

His mumbles became louder and louder until he tried to push you away, speaking audibly this time.

"I don't wanna go home yet!" he complained.

"Babe, don't do this, uh?" you said, trying to keep your gentle ways with him. "You just drunk too much and you know you'll get better after a bath and some sleep."

"I don't want a bath... And I'm not..." he stumbled, stopping walking beside you, "I'm not sleepy."

"Hvitserk..." you tried a more serious tone.

"No!" he whined, looking at you with those beautiful puppy eyes so full of the sadness you hated to see on them.

You hated it when he was drunk like that. In any of his forms, you never liked to see Hvitserk too taken by alcohol because you knew no matter if he was joking, laughing, or sat crying somewhere in the room, that shadow of sadness would always be there in his eyes.

If only you were strong enough to move forward and tell him your heart...

But your fear to ruin your friendship with him was always bigger than your need to tell him how much you loved him through all these years. If you weren't there to be his friend then who would prevent him from drinking himself out of his body and do some shit that he would regret forever?

Someone had to take care of him and your fear that he would stop trusting you or push you away from him for good was always a barrier bigger than your courage to face your fears and maybe have a chance to top that loneliness inside your friend's heart.

"Babe, come on, let's..."

"No!" he insisted, walking away from you. "Stop calling me like that... You're not my girlfriend..."

You sighed. He could be pretty harsh when drunk like that.

"You would never be my girlfriend..."

Ok, now he was really being harsh. And you prepared to tell him how much it was hurting your heart when he continued, breaking completely your brain's plans of reaction.

"Why would a woman like you want a drunken asshole like me for more than a fucking best friend? Uh?"

"What?" you gasped.

What the hell was happening right in front of you?

Stumbling on his feet, Hvitserk made a turn, looking at you with all the sadness of the world in his eyes.

"Wanna know what? Fuck it!" he bent himself, screaming. "FUCK IT! Did you hear me? I don't fucking care anymore! All I want for Christmas is you under my tree. It would be the best gift ever! But I'll never have it, 'cause you're too busy being my nurse to really take a small note of how much I loved you all these years... And I'm fucking tired of smiling every time you say good night when the truth was that I wanted to fucking kiss you goodnight and sleep by your side!"

It was like being shot in the head. Everything on you just froze with that shocked glare in your eyes and that stunned expression in your face that just let him understand everything wrong once again.

"Don't worry... I know I'm too much of a friend for you to love me. Fuck it, Y/N. Just pretend you didn't listen to it and let me fucking drink to forget. Tomorrow you can send me good morning through your phone and I keep pretending you woke up by my side when you come for Christmas breakfast... Fuck it..."

He was sounding so disappointed! And his eyes were so full of that deep sadness you've always seen in his greens whenever he was drunk and would look at you...

How long did he love you silently like that? How long since the two of you were stupid enough to not see what was now so obvious for you?

Or maybe cared enough for each other to fear the loss so hard that silence was the best option for both of your hearts...

He stumbled again waking you up from the trance his words threw you in and you felt your heart clench: he was barely holding himself straight. He would probably forget everything he said that night... It wasn't the right time to confess your heart for him.

So, you just walked forward, passing his arm around your neck and supporting him while guiding his stumbling steps back to the car.

"Lemme go," he mumbled.

But that wasn't resistance enough for you to stop this time. You just took him to your car, gently putting him at the seat, closing the seatbelt around his body and taking your place at the driver's seat, turning on the car and observing as he slowly fell asleep against his window.

When you arrived in his home, his brother Ubbe helped you taking him upstairs and placing him on his bed. You took off his shoes and shirt knowing he liked to sleep fresher. He mumbled some complaints but not enough to get up, going down in a deep sleep as soon as you stopped messing with him.

But this time, instead of leaving, you took off your shoes, changed your dress for a shirt of his you had already used before, and laid by his side, caressing his sleeping face. Letting yourself rest and waiting for the morning to come, when he would be sober enough to have no idea of why his head was hitting him so hard and his mouth was tasting as if he had chewed all night on a rotten candy cane.

"Shit..." he cursed, moving in bed.

And you smiled when he turned towards you, surprising him with your voice.

"Good morning," you said, causing him to come down from his sleepy high like a stone down from a hill.

"Shit, Y/N! You scared the soul out of me! I thought I was alone and..." he stopped, realizing he was shirtless and you were smiling at him.

In his bed.

Under his blankets.

"What are you doing in my bed?"

"Merry Christmas, silly," you said, kissing the corner of his lips before getting up as if it was the most natural thing of the world you walking around with nothing but a shirt of his and your underwear, causing him to feel chills coming down his spine.

Did the two of you had sex?

“Shit!” Hvitserk couldn't remember and worse than telling you his secrets, being rejected and fucking up everything would be admitting that he couldn't remember a moment like this!

His whole body-language changed and you almost broke a rib watching as he was really trying to seem natural about the idea of the two of you together last night.

"I mean... I thought... You would wake up first... Since you always wake up earlier than me," he tried.

"Oh, you thought?" you said, sitting on the edge of the bed, to look at him.

Your eyes causing him to feel even tenser which just made his expression even more unnatural.

"Yeah, I... I thought. Sometimes your good morning messages even wake me up, and..." Hvitserk gulped.

"Oh, seriously?" you insisted, with your eyes right into his.

Too much pressure for him to keep the lie and he sighed, disappointed with himself.

"No, it's not serious. I'm lying because I can't fucking remember a single thing of last night and we probably had sex and I fucking forgot everything about a moment that..." he started speaking uncontrollably.

But you cut his voice gently leaning forward and sealing your lips to his, surprising him with a soft and warm kiss that he took a while to understand he was receiving, but answered as passionate as you wanted to feel for so long.

The two of you tasted the flavor of one another's mouths until the need for oxygen forced you to separate, which you did with small pecks to his lips smiling against them.

"We didn't have sex, silly. But I suggest you get used to this idea," you said, giggling of his confused expression.

"What did I do last night?" Hvitserk asked, trying to understand what changed everything between the two of you in such a good way.

"You? Nothing, babe. You just got drunk enough to tell me what you truly wanted for Christmas. And well, I thought under your tree would be too cold for the night, so I decided it would be better for you to have me in your bed," you joked, giving him a slight flash of what he said.

"Jez..." he mumbled, smiling clumsy.

"That's fine, love," you smiled, "I wanted this maybe for as long as you did. I'm glad you got drunk last night..."

"I'm not... I wish I was really there when I told you this..." he mourned.

"Well, you're here now, aren't you?" you smiled bigger.

Feeling when he caressed your face softly the way you always wanted to feel, allowing you to lean your face in his palm, enjoying Hvitserk's warm touch.

"I don't think I wanna be friends anymore," he mumbled, nuzzling his nose to yours slowly, "I think I love you too much to keep being only your friend..."

"That's great," you mumbled, pecking his lips. “Because I just realized I'm addicted to your taste and I don't want to be anything that cannot kiss you all the time."

Hvitserk's arms embraced you tight. And you sighed against his lips, kissing him deeply, thinking that no Christmas morning was so good in your life before.

But surely your next years would be amazing by his side...

Do you like my work? Support me!

Tagged ones:

|| @bluearchersstuff​ || @ivarswickedqueen​ || @directionlessbuthappy​ || @akamaiden​ || @bang-kim-bap​ || @cris101071​ || @elysias-temple​ || @alicedopey​ || @captstefanbrandt || @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla​ || @lol-haha-joke​ || @normatural​ || @readsalot73​ || @shutter-bug124​ || @rekdreams247​ || @slutforasoldier || @naaladareia​ || @laketaj24​ || @therealcalicali​ || @grungyblonde​ || @arses21434​ || @honestsycrets​ || @rabeccablake  || @2thequietone4​ || @blackspiritshake​ || @vikingsbifrost​ || @sincerelysinister || @x-valhalla​ || @lyanna-the-giantsbane​ || @chinduda​ || @isthat-tyra98​ || @hissouthernprincess​ || @xinyourdreamsx​ || @thiahilmarsdottir​ || @queenbeeta​ || @notyouraveragegirl17 || @winchesterwife27​ || @gold-dragon-slayer​ || @mzliterarydreamer​ || @alwaysbenhardysgirl​ || @marvelouuse​ || @lif3snotouttogetyou​ || @lordsexmachine​ || @deathbyarabbit​ || @ietss​ ||  @thorins-queen-of-erebor​ ||

Want to be tagged? Ask me!

[lost-in-sokovia]

The Period

ha ha why helloooooooo. so bottom line i’m obviously fairly new to having so much attention and if you haven’t picked up yet, i’m a feminist and i’m very open about periods. so why not write about them! i hope you enjoy this peter fic (with a little bit of ned thrown in there) where he takes care of you while you’re on your period! i hope you enjoy!❤️

Warnings: blood (lots of it), periods, pain, stress, sadness, fluff

-imagine peter parker taking care of you while you’re on your period, and forcing Ned to help him-

You could hear the horns and sirens of Queens before you even opened your eyes. Once you did, your (Y/C/H) hair blocked you eyes. Brushing it out of the way, you unintentionally let the sun blind you through the broken blinds on your small window.

“Argahhh,” you groaned, flipping over.

And that’s when you felt it.

There was a cold wetness on your lower half, and you gasped. You slowly pulled up the gray bed sheets to reveal the bloody mess your uterus gifted you with. Tears of frustration formed in your eyes and you grabbed your hair and yanked it, staring at your ceiling. Sunshine had filled your room and it seemed like a perfect fall day.

For the rest of Queens, maybe. Not for you.

Your phone buzzed from your nightstand and you grabbed it, using only the upper half of your body to prevent further discomfort down there. You wiped a tear off your eye so you could see the screen clearly.

Good morning, (Y/N)❤️

Your boyfriend, Peter Parker, had sent you a good morning text. This would’ve been a way cuter way to start off your Saturday, if only previous events hadn’t occurred. The gray texting bubble reoccurred and you watched the dots move up and down until you recieved a new message;

What was the algebra homework from yesterday?

You giggled. Peter was an intelligent kid, an Avenger let alone, but sometimes he needed you to keep him on his toes.

Peter I need you to come over.

You weren’t going to waste any time being mushy. This was a time you were straight forward and told him what you needed. You put your phone back down and, with a burst of confidence, pushed your sheets off you to clearly view the mess. A sharp chill hit you and your legs shivered. And surely, your gray sheets and pink pajama shorts wore the variations of red loud and proud, almost as if to be patriotic.

You yanked the pillow out from under your head and screeched into it. Your phone buzzed and you slowly grabbed your phone.

Alright, what do you need?

You rolled your eyes, sniffing. You replied and slammed the phone back down, closing your eyes.

Just get over here ASAP.

After taking care of all your bloody laundry and rinsing off in the shower, you put on a sweater and layed on the couch in the living room of your small apartment. Windows were cracked to let in the nice fall chill, and you could hear the chattering people and sounds of the highways. You kept the lights off and let the room flood with the golden morning sunlight.

You layed there and waited impatiently for Peter. You wanted to eat, but your stomach felt too cramped and you couldn’t even move. You had the apartment all to yourself, your parents were away for a month-long business trip. Nothing made sense and you just wanted to cry.

Not minutes later there was a knock at the door and a text from Peter. He sent you a picture of him and Ned standing at your door. You jumped up and opened the door so quickly a wind blew your hair.

“Hey (Y/N) I brought you-“ before Peter could finish or walk inside you jumped into his arms and put your legs around his waist. He stumbled then held onto you, hugging you back.

“You guys are gonna make me puke,” Ned gagged. Peter slowly sat you down and handed you a box of donuts from a local bakery in Queens.

“You seemed kinda bummed, so I brought you these,” he said shyly. You dug into the box without further word. Peter blinked and Ned laughed.

“Woah are you totally not yourself today!” Ned continued to stare. “What, are you on your period or something?”

You halted, with a donut half up to your mouth, and shot Ned a nasty glare. He stopped laughing and Peter slugged him in the arm. They weren’t stupid. They probably knew it before they got to your house. You put the donut back in the box and sighed.

“I need you losers to go to the store for me,” you declared. Peter shrugged and Ned looked petrified.

“I’m not going into a store, in public, to buy you stuff to shove up there to clog the bleeding.” Ned was dead set on not going.

“Don’t listen to him, (Y/N), he’s happy to help me.” Peter smiled. You got a warm and fuzzy (even though you were freezing from standing outside for so long) and kissed him on the cheek.

“I need pads, tampons, pain killers, and tea,” you told the boys. Peter made a mental note and Ned had already spaced out.

“We’re on it. We’ll be back in 30 tops,” Peter replied as he gave you one last hug before starting off into the bustling streets of the city. You closed the door and plopped right back onto your couch. You could trust the boys, right? They’re not stupid.

Yeah, it was gonna be fine.

Peter walked at a fast pace through the people on the sidewalk. He stared at the ground, watching dead leaves blow past in the chilly breeze. He wrapped his arms around himself. He was grateful to Mr. Stark for the sweater, but sometimes you just need a bit more to keep you warm.

“Dude.” Ned poked Peter in the arm. “When you got a girlfriend I didn’t sign up to go buy her period products with you,” he complained. Peter ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah well she would do the same for us,” Peter replied matter-of-factly. Ned didn’t argue. Spotting his destination, Peter sped up his pace and walked into the small general store, hearing the bell ring as he opened the door.

He knew the setup of this store with his eyes closed, but he seemed lost looking for this particular item. All the normal candy, chips, cigarettes, water, lighters, booze...

“Pain killers,” Peter whispered as he snatched a box off the shelf. He scanned the back until he found the key word; menstruation. “These’ll work.”

Ned wandered around, grabbing various items as he pleased.

“Hey Peter, do you think (Y/N) would want some of these?” He held up five dark chocolate bars. Peter shrugged.

“Hey man, it can’t hurt.” Ned nodded and stuffed them in his pocket. Peter moved on to a different aisle and finally found the feminine hygiene products. His brain exploded; there were so many items to choose from. What’s a cup? He didn’t know those existed! What’s the difference between maxi and ultra? He quickly grabbed his phone from his jean pocket and called you.

You fell asleep on your couch. You felt the buzzing of your phone and you opened your eyes, startled. You saw it was your boyfriend and quickly answered.

“Hey Pete, how’s the shopping coming?” You asked.

“(Y/N) what am I supposed to choose?” He asked with complete cluelessness.

You giggled. “Is there just a basic pad or something there?” You asked, getting up to heat some water for the tea you were hoping he’d return with. You spun around on the floor with your socks until you got dizzy and had to stop.

“Yeah, but I mean it’s asking what kind of flow you’re having, and to be quite honest- HEY (Y/N) ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?” You heard Ned yelling in the background. Peter scoffed at him and said something to the effect of “shut the hell up Ned!” and how he was going to kill him.

“Peter, honey, just grab a maxi pad and some tea and come on back,” you said softly. He sighed.

“Alright, see you soon. Love you.”

You got shivers. “I love you too.”

You saw the boys walking back from your bedroom window, the sky now cloudy. You smiled and jumped up, running through the hall into the living room to answer the door. The windows had been closed and the lighting was darker. Peter and Ned hurriedly walked in, shivering.

“Goddamn, (Y/N), it’s freezing out there!” Ned rustled in his pocket and threw the chocolate bars onto the table. Peter pulled out a box of pads and a box of tea and walked past you to take your spot on the couch. You smiled, patting Ned on the shoulder and walking over to lay next to Peter.

“You boys are my heroes,” you mused. Peter smiled as you curled up next to him. Ned walked over and sat next to the two of you.

“Oh, and these.” He pulled out an already-opened box of tampons from his jacket pocket. You cocked an eyebrow.

“Why are they already open?” You asked skeptically. Peter and Ned looked at each other and started laughing.

Uh oh.

Ned pulled out his phone to show you a picture of the two of them in the small and dirty convenience store with a tampon shoved up Ned’s nose and Peter holding one in his mouth.

“Who knew tampons were so much fun!”

You rolled your eyes and sighed. You reluctantly got up from Peter’s grip to go to the bathroom and replace your pad. He reached out at you as you grabbed the fresh box and started to walk away.

“Hey dork,” you said to a sleepy Peter. Eyes closed, he just raised his eyebrows.

“Hm?”

“Thanks... I love you.”

He smiled. Ned crossed his arms.

“You too Ned,” you added sarcastically.

“I know.”

As you closed the door, you heard Peter say groggily to Ned, “She never told me the algebra homework.”

i hope you guys liked this peter one... i thought it was pretty cute! thanks for reading and don’t forget to request!💙

[my-creative-hell]

Blood (Normal au)

Inside her lab in the home, Grave stays quiet, working on her orb like devices as she listens to the soft sounds of Jake moving around downstairs, the rest of the house empty and devoid of noise as she works.

“Hm…” Looking at one of her seed orbs quietly, Grave ponders on the next type she is going to make as a thudding noise comes from downstairs, Jake swearing quietly in response.

Frowning at the sound, Grave stays quiet as she listens out for anything else, a soft glow emitting from her as she listens to Grave grumble, the sound of shuffling ringing out as he picks up whatever had been dropped on the floor.

Hesitating for a moment, Grave returns to her work quietly, still feeling worried as she listens out, a few minutes of silence weighing on the house before Jake sounds off, a pained squeak catching Grave’s attention.

“Jake?” Frowning more, Grave opens the door to her lab gently, calling outside in concern.

“H-Hey Grave, you alright?” The voice of Jake answers, but it sounds shaky and distorted as he attempts to force the words out.

“I’m good, are y o u alright though?” Grave reverses the question, feeling worried as her forehead creases in worry.

“I uh… I just got a cut, I’m okay really!” Jake reassures her, laughing quietly to try and ease the tension between them.

“Oh… okay. Do you want a band aid or something?” Grave questions, glowing softer as she lowers her voice, making it sound gentle.

“Um… s-sure, yeah.” Jake accepts the offer quietly, thinking through his words carefully as he speaks.

“Have!” Walking downstairs quickly, Grave pulls a band aid out of her pocket, handing it to Jake, who takes it nervously, keeping his hurt hand out of view.

“Do you need anything else?” Grave pushes softly; smiling softly to try and ease some of the obvious stress Jake is going through.

“Uh… I shouldn’t, right?” Jake jokes carefully, a measured but wry smile on his face as his skin goes pale, shifting his hurt hand slightly.

“No… do you want me to heal it for you?” Grave questions, shaking her head gently as she frowns, feeling worry bubble up to the surface more each passing second.

“It’s be a waste, it’s only a paper cut.” Jake tries to brush her off, smiling again as he shifts his eyes to his hand. “Fuck…” The word is weak and forced as he goes whiter than before.

“What’s wrong?” Glowing more as she gets worries, Grave keeps her voice quiet as she speaks, eyebrows knitting together.

“Cant…” Jake mumbles softly, shaking his head as his body becomes unsteady as it stands, stumbling slightly as he attempts to speak.

Grave glows brighter as she panics, unsure what to do as her mind tries to process the situation, Jake groaning as his vision starts to swim, feeling light headed as he leans into Grave for support, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Coming out of her brain, Grave holds Jake gently to prevent him from falling, feeling warm as he hums softly, falling unconscious as she holds him. Calming herself slightly, Grave wiggles softly as she tries to stop glowing.

Jake stays limp in Grave’s arm, skin pale and sickly as he trembles softly, Grave gently stroking his hair in an effort to calm him down, feeling concerned as he groans, shifting softly.

Unsure of the noise, Grave frowns in confusion as she holds onto Jake, hearing him whine softly as he becomes half aware of the world around him.

Frowning more, Grave feels worry flood her system as the urge to help rises, though she cant think of anything as Jake stirs slightly, seemingly groggy and confused at the situation.

Feeling confused and concerned now, Grave removes her hand from Jake’s head as he groans quietly, brain struggling to catch up as he gently grips onto Grave for stability.

Smiling softly, Grave glows positively as Jake opens his eyes slightly, attempting to focus as he comes to. This makes Grave smile as she carefully taps her feet on the floor, wanting to speak but unsure of what to say.

Soft noises escaping him, Jake moves slightly, feeling confused about the situation as Grave wiggles, a small sliver of concern remaining.

“Wha-?” Jake’s voice sounds groggy as he tries to stand up, though his own two feet refuse to support all of his weight.

Beeping softly, Grave holds Jake up carefully, not wanting him to fall as he whines softly in confusion, clinging onto Grave for comfort and safety. Humming a soft tune, Grave touches her forehead to Jake’s in an effort to calm him.

“Grave?” Jake’s voice is quiet as he leans into Grave, calming down from the comforting touch.

“Mhm?” Grave questions softly, smiling gently as she starts to glow, holding onto Jake.

“What happened?…” Jake questions, frowning in confusion as he hides his face in Grave.

“You uh… you kinda passed out a lil bit…” Grave explains, keeping her voice quiet as she looks away.

“…I did? Why?” Frowning more, Jake feels confusion flood his system as he looks up at Grave.

“You saw somethin you really didn’t like… and um… yeah.” Grave explains, her voice getting quieter as she speaks.

“Cut…” Jake mumbles softly, thinking as he sighs, hiding his face in Grave to prevent himself from seeing it again as Grave nods.

“Yeah… do you just want the band aid or the healing thing?” She questions, bussing softly.

“I-I don’t mind, I just can’t look or it’ll happen again.” Jake explains quietly. “Cant do blood…” He continues softly.

“That’s okay…” Grave smiles softly. “Can you give me your hand please?” She questions gently, Jake nodding as he hands it to her, his skin still slightly pale at the knowledge that blood remains on the finger.

Taking the hand, Grave kisses the wound gently, watching it close up as Jake peeks slightly, feeling better now the cut is gone, Grave smiling as she presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Sorry for scaring you…” Jake apologises, humming softly at the contact as he smiles gently.

“You don’t have to be sorry Jake. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Grave reassures him gently, smiling in concern as she strokes his hair gently.

“I don’t know if I can get up.” Jake admits quietly, leaning into the touch in gratitude.

“I can carry you if you’d like?” Grave offers softly, buzzing quietly as she emits a gentle glow, watching Jake nod as he holds onto Grave carefully.

“Do you wanna go in my room or yours? O-Or does it not matter?” Grave questions, picking Jake up carefully as she floats up the stairs.

“I don’t mind…” Jake admits, too exhausted to come up with a preference as he leans into her.

“Noice!!” Grave exclaims softly, moving into her room and setting Jake down on the bed, watching him smile as he curls into himself, feeling better.

“Today was f u n, wasn’t it?” Grave lies down beside Jake, the sarcasm dripping off of her tongue as she holds him in her arms.

“So great…” Jake nods softly, hiding in Grave as she giggles softly, her body warm and comfortable.

“Absolutely amazing and educational!” Grave exclaims quietly, smiling as she holds Jake.

“Now you know I can’t look at blood.” Jake continues, his face crinkling into a delicate smile.

“Twas a very… it… it was a lesson. I have learned things!” Grave exclaims, nodding as Jake giggles quietly, his face hidden comfortably in Grave.

Humming softly, Grave closes her eyes as Jake nuzzles into her gently, enjoying the comfort she provides.

Smiling, Grave kisses Jake’s forehead in a comforting manner, listening to him squeak quietly as he curls into her, feeling safe.

Grave glows softly in excitement, petting Jake’s hair as he uses her as a pillow, laying on her gently as Grave hums softly, feeling slightly sleepy as Jake closes his eyes.

“Hey Jake, can I ask you something?” Grave questions softly, Jake opening his eyes curiously as he nods.

“Why are you so scared of blood? Y-You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to though…” Grave continues, thinking her words through as Jake hides in her thinking over his answer.

“M-My dad used to hit me when I got things wrong… there was always a lot of blood when I was bad. When I see it now, it reminds me and I get so scared… it leads to me fainting a lot.” Jake explains quietly, his voice slightly muffled.

“He fucking sucks.” Grave comments, frowning as anger boils through her blood in response to the words, glowing softly.

“Its fine, it probably wasn’t as bad as I remember, it shouldn’t still mess with me.” Jake brushes it off quietly, a small but sad smile on his face.

“That still s u c k s and h e sucks and I bet he smells like sticky bad cigarettes.” Grave continues, pressing their foreheads together at the sadness in Jake’s smile.

“He does… I got burned sometimes.” Jake confirms, sniffling quietly as he hides more.

“Stinky man…” Grave continues, frowning as she strokes through his hair gently, feeling anger but pushing it aside to comfort Jake, who has small tears forming in his eyes as he hugs her.

Returning the hug, Grave gently kisses Jake’s forehead, watching him calm slightly as he smiles at her.

“Thanks for staying with me…” Jake thanks softly, his voice getting quieter as sleepiness descends upon him.

“You’re welcome… rat man.” Grave smiles softly, glowing gently as Jake giggles, a small yawn coming from him as he gets sleepy, Grave closing her eyes, hiding in the covers as Jake hums softly.

“Mmmlove you.” Grave’s sleepy voice rings out, full of affection as she speaks, soft and comforting.

“Love youuu.” Jake responds, his own voice sleepy and soft as Grave giggles quietly, both of them slipping away into sleep, feeling calm and safe around one another.

[byeoltoyuki]

Heart like yours ⇾ JHS

↳Pairing : You x Hoseok

Genre : Fluff / Extra fluff?

Words: +5k

Summary : First your favorite book. Then, your favorite flowers. No doubt you had a secrete admirer. Now, you couldn’t help but wonder who was behind all those lovely presents. And maybe, you hoped that Hoseok was the one behind it.

A/N: Thank you my sweet cutie pie @virgin-snow​ for another moodboard, you know how much I loved it! And it’s absolutely your fault that the supposed 2 pages long story turned into something else. (I still love you tho).

*****

There was something about spring that made you feel extremely dreamy, lively, peaceful and so at ease with your mind. And at the same time, spring brought an eerie atmosphere to the world. Birds were back, singing their songs every morning. Flowers were slowly showing themselves while trees came back to life. The park nearby your college was not an exception. It gave you inspiration and you felt the itch in your fingers to draw.

And it was exactly what you did every Wednesday afternoon for the past month. You would sit under a cherry blossom tree, your sketchbook and pencil on your laps. The view was astonishing with flowers blooming all around the place, the gentle breeze spread the petals of cherry blossom all around the place looking almost as if it was fairy dust. You put on some slow music on your phone and then you just let your hand move on its own, letting your surroundings guide you. You were completely immersed in the drawing, pouring your feelings on the paper, you forgot everything including the fact that you were supposed to go back to class.

"There you are." A very familiar voice called from beside you and then, the next thing you knew someone plopped just next to you. "I knew you'd be here."

Of course Hoseok would know where to find you. He always did. You rolled your eyes at him as he disturbed your peaceful drawing cession. He knew it would upset you but he also knew that you would forgive him anyway -especially if he showed you his beautiful smile. You could never stay mad at Hoseok.

"Oh come on! Don't glare at me like that, Y/N!" Hoseok complained, whining like a child before poking your cheek playfully and earning a light groan from you.

"Stop that." You tried to dodge his attack but Hoseok was faster and wrapped an arm around yours, forcing you to stay close so he could keep poking you soft cheek.

"Hobi!" You whined in despair which only made him laugh louder.

"Aren't you like supposed to be in your art class in" Hoseok started saying and then checked his watch, "Fifteen minutes?"

Your eyes widened in shock, you hastily grabbed his wrist to check the time for yourself and when you realized that he was right and not simply messing with you, you panicked and let a low 'shit' escape your lips. Hoseok chuckled at your reaction, absolutely not surprised by how you forgot all about your classes despite art class being your favorite.

You threw everything back in your bag without caring much if it turned into a mess in your bag. Despite the park being close to the campus you had little to not enough time at all to arrive on time. You cursed under your breath for being so clumsy and pretty much unlucky. You should have known better since it happened all the time but you never learn - and nobody blamed you anyway.

Hoseok stretched his hand for you to grab and help you to get up from the ground. He gave you one of his most beautiful smile and if you weren't in such rush you would have probably melted right on the spot, instead you simply grabbed his hand. "Thanks."

"What would you do without me huh?" He joked, his grip on your hand suddenly tightening.

"Not much. Probably." You agreed without hesitation because it was the truth. Hoseok was always there for you, reminding you that you had classes, bringing smile on your face and you could actually go on about all the things he did for you. You simply smiled in return, gave his hand a gentle squeeze before finally letting go. "See you later, Hobi!"

But just before you could run away he shouted a 'don't run! You're going to fall!!' And he was right because shortly after he said that you tripped but caught yourself on time.

You were just too clumsy.

*****

By some kind of miracle or a help of some deity, you managed to get to your art class right before your teacher. You sighed in relief and dropped right onto your chair, wiping some sweat from your face before something caught finally your attention. Right before you laid a book you were all too familiar since you kept borrowing it from the library -instead of buying your own version. You stared at the book for another good five minutes, your brain had long stopped functioning to the point that you hadn't noticed that your teacher started talking about a new project. At least until your friend shoved you playfully.

"You've been staring at the book for like five minutes, Y/N. It's almost creepy." Your friend commented but with a playful smile. "Did you borrow the book again and forgot it last time in class?"

"No."

"Oh? That's weird."

You nodded few times completely agreeing. Hesitantly, you took the book in your hands, brushing the soft cover with your thumb before finally opening the first page; a small note fell from it.

"I know how much you love A walk to remember. Why is it that you like sad stories hm? Now at you least you can stop borrowing it and just have this one with you."

Your eyes darted back and forth between the book and Soomin, wondering if it was some kind of joke, after all they did make fun of you for always borrowing this book instead of actually buying it for good.

"Is it from you, Soomin?" You finally asked

"Huh?" She asked confused before leaning closer and seeing the note. "Nope. I'm broke if you remember."

"Right." You actually rolled your eyes at her excuse that was only half valid but you let it go. Soomin had absolutely no reason to give you a present without clearly writing her name on the paper which made you only question further of who was behind this present. "Guess I'll find  out another time."  

But 'another time' never came up. No matter how much you thought about it or asked your closed friends about the book, none had an explanation. After two days of thinking, you decided to just give up, thanking whoever was behind this present for the attention. Yes, it was a little disturbing how well the person knew you but it was still a nice surprise.

Except it didn't really stop with the book.

The next surprise came barely two days later when once again you joined your art class right after lunch. A bouquet of pink roses laid on your usual sit with another small note stuck around the bouquet. You glanced all around the place, almost wanting someone else to be inside the class and tell you that it was for them - except you were alone and were pretty sure it was for you.

"I wondered for a moment which roses I should get you. I know you like them but it was still hard to chose! You like pink, right? So I hope you enjoy these."

And just like the previous time, it was printed instead of handwritten which made your investigation only harder. It was nice, you couldn't deny it. You felt your heart swell with fondness as you took sit and grabbed the bouquet of flowers. The pink roses were freshly mixed with some  white daisies. The bouquet was absolutely lovely and you couldn't stop yourself from bringing the bouquet closer to your nose -stop yourself from putting your face right into the bouquet just so you could smell the nice scent of flowers.

"Thank you." You said to no-one in particular. It didn't matter that nobody was here to witness your gratitude or the soft smile that painted your face while you looked at the bouquet.

*****

"Have you guys heard that our little Y/N over here has a secrete admirer? Not like I can blame him, she's absolutely adorable and lovable." Soomin brought all the attention on you. Here you thought you would have a peaceful movie night at Jimin's place -like almost every Sunday night, but Soomin had other plans for you.

You hated how all the attention had shifted on you. Soomin exchanged a rather knowing look with Jimin -without a doubt he knew something too, and you didn't like it. You loved your friends. Really. But sometimes they could be too annoying for your liking -which was probably why you loved them in the first place but you couldn't possibly admit it out loud, not now, not ever.

"As in a guy is crushing on her but is too shy to confess openly?" Jimin wiggled his brows playfully at you but looked back at Soomin. "I'd be shy to confess too. Y/N looks like she'd eat a guy alive."

"She's going to eat you alive, yeah." Soomin chuckled and pointed at you.

Soomin was right. You could bear the teasing whenever it came from Soomin or Hoseok but whenever Jimin teased you, you would slowly lose your calm demeanor. Just like right now. You were openly staring at Jimin. Or more like shooting daggers.

"I'm not lying though! Y/N looks either sleepy or angry whenever she's alone so of course a guy would be scared to approach her!" Jimin tried to defend himself

"Well those guys are cowards!"

"Hey! I'd be scared too!" Then he glanced at you. "No offense."

You were very tempted to say 'none taken' because you never took Jimin seriously, but that would only push him to tease you more, so instead you grabbed a pillow and without mercy started hitting him hard right on the face, making him squeal. His arms flew right before his face to prevent your hits from hurting him any further but it was of no use. Maybe you looked frail and innocent but sometimes your strength became inhuman and Jimin had to face your wrath.

"Have mercy!" He begged while Soomin and Hoseok couldn't help but laugh at the childish fight that happened too often anyway just because Jimin knew how to rile you up. "Soomin! Stop laughing and help me!"

"Oh no babe. You deserved that one."

Hoseok was the one who took pity on him and decided to put a stop to the fight by wrapping both of his arms around your waist and pulling you back against him. Maybe if you weren't so into the fight you would have realized what Hoseok did, but instead you tried to free yourself so you could launch yourself back on Jimin.

"See! You're scary!" Jimin cried out and jumped from the couch to put some good distance between you two.

"You're such a baby!" Soomin joked

"You're terrible, Jimin." You complained and finally let go.

You flopped down on the couch only to realize that your back was not pressed against a soft back of the couch but against a rather toned chest and only then you noticed the pair of strong arms wrapped around you. Your whole body froze and you became awfully aware of how warm Hoseok felt against you or of how gently he held you against him, absolutely unbothered. You didn't realize you were holding your breath until you heard how hard your heart pounded and it made you only even more self-conscious. What if he could hear the frenetic beating of your heart too? It was too embarrassing so you didn't dare to move.

Hoseok made things easier for you. Once he was sure that you were not going to bounce back at Jimin, he slowly let go of you and sat back comfortably on the couch.

"I think it's cute." Soomin ignored Jimin's complaining about how badly you had hurt him and how badly he needed her attention and looked at you. "Whoever is crushing on you must be a romantic. The book? Your favorite flowers? He knows you well enough."

"Wouldn't that mean that it's someone close to her though?" Jimin dared to say before carefully getting back on the couch but still putting some distance between you two. Just in case. "It's not me I swear!"

"I'd be the one doing the beating if it was you." Soomin glared at him and it was enough for Jimin to sheepishly smile at her and wrap his arms around her body, nudging her cheek with his nose. "Yeah, yeah, be the cute guy now."

"I know I am." Jimin proudly said before shifting his attention back on you. "So. What are you going to do if this guys gathers the courage to confess? I'm genuinely curious."

"Shouldn't it depend on who's the guy?" Soomin said before you could even think about any logical answer.

You couldn't believe this conversation was still going on when all you wanted was to go back to the so called movie night. You didn't want think any further about the secret admirer -probably because of Hoseok's presence and that maybe you have been harboring a little crush on him.

"I swear to god, Jimin, you're so annoying. Soomin, why do you date this dumbass?" You cried in frustration which only made Jimin even more proud of himself as he smirked at you.

Annoyed and desperate, you pulled the blanket high enough to hide your face and muffle your groan. Please someone, save me. This situation was getting too embarrassing for you.

Hoseok chuckled at your lame attempt to hide from the world and from your friends. It wasn't the first time that he witnessed such fight and with you ending up even more embarrassed. He found it adorable how your cheeks would flare up. How you would try to look threatening with your brows furrowed.  He circled his arm around your shoulders this time and pulled you closer against him, making sure you were comfortably settled against him before he patted your head gently.

"Well, aren't you cute?" Jimin cooed at you two

"What? You want a hug too? Come here!" Hoseok only laughed and made some kissy face knowing all too well that it would make Jimin stop from bothering you.

"Ew, hell no."

*****

Despite the movie night, when the morning came, you couldn't stop the sick feeling creeping inside you. Your mind was completely consumed by your art project that was due to today and even if you had finished it three days ago, you were still not so sure about the result. At first, it seemed nice. Far from perfect but acceptable for your liking. Now? Now, you weren't so sure. It was rather well known that artists whoever they were, were harsh to their work and you were no exception. Now that you stared at the canvas you were far from satisfied with your work.

Your head started throbbing, your hands turning suddenly sweaty and you felt nauseous just at the thought of going to class. Your mouth went dry as you contemplate your work. No, it wouldn't do. You couldn't bring this to your art class. You knew you could do better and you wanted it to show to everybody but sadly for you, you had no time left to start over.

"Shit."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You were overthinking again. You were being harsh towards yourself once again. You knew all of that and yet it was still hard to comfort yourself and think about something good.

You can do it.

And it seemed that you weren't the only one thinking that.

The moment you opened your door, ready to leave, you managed to stop yourself on time from stepping right into a small basket on the floor. There were chocolate, different kind of cookies and blueberry muffins, some fresh drink and of course a small note.

"This is sooooo unhealthy! But I know you love those. And I know you're stressed. Don't be. You underestimate yourself! I know you can do it. You will show them all how amazing and talented you are. When they'll see the result? I'm sure they will be completely bewildered! So take a breath? You'll be fine."

You choke on the note. You still of course had no clue about the identity of your secrete admirer but whoever it was you felt incredibly grateful for their words. It was encouraging and sweet and suddenly you didn't feel so down or disappointed. Your grip on the piece of paper only tightened as a small smile spread on your face.

"Fine. I definitely can do it."

And you did. You rocked the whole project, astonishing your teacher and your classmates. You had painted a landscape, nothing out of ordinary, nothing spectacular on the first glance -and especially for those who knew nothing about art, but those who knew couldn't ignore the details. They couldn't ignore your use of paints, your perfect use and mixing of colors giving to your painting an eerie vibe, turning the ordinary landscape into something more.

You left your classroom with a huge and proud smile on your face that only widened at the sight of Hoseok leaning against the wall as he waited for you with crossed arms. He, too, couldn't stop the smile spreading on his lips as he saw how happy you looked. There was no need of asking how it went, the answer was written all over your face.

But maybe you had underestimated your own joy and how more confident you felt because before Hoseok could even greet you, you jumped happily at him, circling your arms tightly around his waist as you yelled a 'I did it!'

You were so terribly lost in your own happiness that you hadn't noticed how Hoseok pulled you a little closer to him, one arm wrapped around you while his free hand ran through your hairs, gently brushing them. Maybe you would have noticed how fondly he was smiling at you and how his eyes were shining brightly.

"See? You had nothing to worry about." Hoseok looked down on you without stopping brushing your hair. You moved your head so you could look at him and see his beautiful face and only then you realized what you had done.

"Sorry!" You almost jumped away from him, too embarrassed and yet still incredibly happy. You felt your cheeks burning as you looked at him and gave him an apologetic smile. "I got carried away."

"I don't mind." Hoseok chuckled. "Want to grab a drink? I think you deserve one."

You couldn't say no.

To your biggest surprise your usually so crowded little café near your campus was almost empty which was definitely odd considering the fact that it was the middle of the afternoon and that most of students would just come here to study in a better atmosphere than the library -though in your opinion it was debatable. You nervously glanced back at Hoseok, almost expecting a some kind of explanation coming from him, except there was none. It seemed that for once students decided to spend their afternoon somewhere else and he looked pleased with this fact.

"Have a seat and I'll order. I guess you want your usual Mocha Coffee?" Hoseok asked despite knowing already your answer.

Maybe you were a little predictable. Or maybe he knew you too well. Either way you nodded your head, your cheeks rosy, you let him order while you spotted a nice table by the window. It was a habit, whenever you were at a café or restaurant you needed a table close enough to the window so from time to time you could observe the outside world.

You felt still high after the presentation of your canevas, butterflies erupting in your stomach as you thought back about your teacher's comments and your classmates enthusiasm.  It had already made your day. But now that you were at a café with Hoseok, you felt delighted, ecstatic and the idea of spending some quality time alone with him made it only better.

"And here comes your Mocha." Hoseok put your drink on the table before sitting down.

"Thank you." You cursed yourself for stuttering. You shouldn't feel so damn nervous around him, after all you have been friends long enough but it was Hoseok and your little crush for him made things a tiny bit more difficult. But before you could think of something else to say, a song stopped you right in your track.

It was, obviously, normal for the café to play many hot trends, except instead of playing a recent hit, it was an old song that started playing. A song that had a particularly strong effect on you. Dripping tears by Son Dam Bi. You hadn't heard this song for a while but the moment you heard the first notes of the song, you recognized it straight away. You jerked in your seat, surprised at first and then you looked with curiosity at the waitress who only smiled in return.

The mix of the song and her smile made your heart pounding crazily in your chest.  

*****

"Hey Soomin." You moved in her bed so you were laying on your side, head pressed in the palm of your hand, you watched her getting ready for her date with Jimin. You didn't really understand why Soomin so stubbornly insisted on needing your help and opinion, especially when Jimin loved her in whatever she decided to wear anyway. "I was wondering about the secret admirer."

"What about him?" She looked at you through the mirror as she was trying her fifth outfit of the afternoon.

Your confidence slowly wavered as you caught Soomin's knowing look, she grinned widely and for a moment you wondered if she already knew what you were about to ask. You straightened up on the bed and scowled at her with crossed arms.

"Maybe it's Namjoon." Soomin, this time, turned around to face you properly. "He has been awfully nice to you."

"He's nice to everyone." You protested

But Soomin had a point. Yes, Namjoon was incredibly friendly with almost the whole campus -not many could resist his dimples and his brain, but it was also true that he had been paying you a little more attention lately. But no matter how handsome and nice he was, you weren't thinking about him at all.

You grabbed a pillow and pressed it tightly against your chest, your legs crossed, you pouted. "Fine. It can be him."

"I know right? He has been giving you the puppy eyes for the past two weeks." Soomin seemed to have completely forgotten about her date and how she was supposed to get ready. "But you wanted to say something else, right?"

You bit your inner cheek, not so sure about your question. Soomin, on the other hand, smiled and squatted down before you, grabbing gently both of your hands.

"Come on. Tell me your thoughts. You know I'm just messing with you."

You knew she did.

"Do you think it can be Hobi?" Your cheeks flare up at your admission. There was no going back.

"Oh."

Soomin gave your hands a comforting squeeze.

"Do you think it's him or do you want it to be him?"

*****

There were days you wished you could just stay home, tucked in your bed with some shitty TV shows and definitely tons of absolutely unhealthy snacks just so you could forget all about the  outside world. You wanted to loath in self-pity, far from your friends' eyes. Sadly, when those bad days came you had to spend them in class, surrounded by people you didn't want to see. Knowing all too well that nothing good would come out of this day.

Today happened to be worse than ever.

You started your day by not waking up before 10 a.m, no matter how hard your alarm rang or how many times Soomin called, you heard none of it. It resulted in you missing your first class which wasn't that bad. Except it didn't stop there.

Not only you arrived late in your next class but it had also completely slipped out of your mind that you had a test. That you obviously failed.

You thought it stopped there? It didn't.

After you had left your class, dejected, you barely managed to get out of the main building that the strap of your bag broke which resulted in your bag falling on the ground, some of your stuffs rolling of your bag. If from outside your face was blank as you stared at your bag on the floor, from inside you were screaming in frustration and despair.

When lunch came, you tried as hard as possible to get away from people just to avoid any possible chaos and danger for yourself. It worked for about ten minutes. You were so desperate to get back home while holding your bag in your arms that you forgot to pay attention on your surrounding which resulted in you bumping a guy who ended up spilling all of his coffee on your shirt.

"Shit! I'm sorry!" The guy apologized immediately. "Are you ok?"

You were not ok. It was the last straw, your sanity had left you for good.

"It's fine." You managed to say despite your voice being awfully low and shaky.

You were far from being fine but you needed to get out of there as far as possible before you would start crying in the middle of the campus. You gave the guy a reassuring smile before going your way. You had only one thing on your mind: the need to get home. For once you didn't care about classes, you didn't care if you had forgotten about any other tests -you would fail anyway, going home was the only acceptable option.

Desperate to get out of this place as soon as possible, you didn't notice how you passed by Hoseok without noticing him or how you didn't notice the huge rock on the ground. At least until your feet hit it and you stumbled. A silent scream escaped your mouth, you pictured already your totally ungraceful fall, except it never came thanks to a hand that grabbed your arm, tightly, before pulling you right into someone's arms. Despite your numb mind, you still managed to recognize Hoseok's scent that surrounded you.

"Careful pumpkin." He whispered, one hand still holding your arm while the other ran through your hair, soothing you as best as he could.

His presence should have brought a smile on your face or at least appeased you, but you were far too gone and before you could even start thinking about what to say, the first tears started rolling down your cheeks. There was no way you could hold back any longer so you let it go.

"Rough day huh?" Hoseok could count on the fingers of one hand how many times he witnessed your breakdown. You would never show it to people, too proud, too shy to bother others but he was glad that for once it happened in his presence so he could make you feel better. "It's gonna be ok, pumpkin." He wrapped his arms around your frail body, pulling you even closer to him, his head rested on top of yours as he rocked you gently, humming a melody. "It's just a bad day. You'll be fine. I'm here."

*****

Two whole weeks passed in a blink of an eye. Two weeks of pure torture which came in form of exams, endless projects presentations and many sleepless night. Two weeks without any news of your secret admirer. At first it didn't bother you that much, your mind was busy with the exams as well, but then, when you took a little break your mind wandered and you couldn't help but feel disappointed. No matter what you had told Soomin, you really hoped for the secret admirer to be Hoseok. Except he didn't give you any signs of being the one.

With a long and tired sigh, you rolled in your bed, pushing the books you had been studying for another exam. Two more days and you would finally be free. Two more days before you could forget about everything and sleep.

⎪Hobi  

[8:30pm]

Are you still alive?

⎪Hobi  

[8:30pm]

Because I'm sure as hell ready to die :( those exams are teeeerrrible

⎪You  

[8:31pm]

I think my soul is about to leave my body.

⎪Hobi  

[8:31pm]

That bad huh.

⎪Hobi  

[8:32pm]

Then, what are your plans for after the exams?

⎪You  

[8:32pm]

Sleep.

⎪Hobi  

[8:32pm]

All the time?

⎪You  

[8:33pm]

Yeah. I have 2 weeks of sleep to catch on.

⎪Hobi  

[8:33pm]

Aww, poor pumpkin

⎪You  

[8:33pm]

Yes, poor me :(

⎪Hobi  

[8:34pm]

Then, does it mean, you won't want to see me? :(

⎪You  

[8:34pm]

????

⎪Hobi  

[8:35pm]

I wanted to ask you for a date.

You choked at his last message. For a second you wondered if it was someone else messaging you and not Hoseok but after a quick check, there was no doubt that those messages were from Hoseok.

⎪You  

[8:40pm]

I would never say no to you Hobi. So when?

Two hours later and you still had no reply from  Hoseok. It bothered you and it worried you. Was he busy? Did he forget to answer? Maybe he was just joking around? So many questions were running through your pretty head that none were answered in the end.

At least till two days later.

It was the final day, the day of liberation, of pure freedom. A day that your secret admirer had a comeback by leaving a pink envelope on your table. The moment you spotted it from the entrance, your whole body froze. Unable to breath, unable to move, unable to think, your mind was completely numb until someone pushed you lightly out of their way, making you stumble.

"Sorry." But you barely heard the apology as your eyes was glued to the baby pink envelope.

As you got to your place and with shaky hand you took the envelope. Inside there was a golden ticket for an amusement park. And just like many times a small note came with it, except this time it was handwritten. And handwriting that you were all too well familiar.

"Let's have this date tomorrow?"

Your heart missed a beat as the realization dwell on you.

No, it was not a coincidence.

No, it was not some kind of tricky game that your brain played on you.

Hoseok was the romantic, caring, secret admirer.

⎪You  

[8:55am]

I'm more than ready for this date.

[colitisandme]

The last week has been awful. The arsenal I have gathered to tackle this bloody disease, head on has failed me. The meditation, the mindfulness, the mantras, the stroking puppies, picking four leaf clovers, drinking potions, rubbing poultices and ointments on myself, lighting candles or anything else I could possibly have snaffled, eaten, drank or rubbed on myself to encourage this disease to give me a sodding break, has not worked. Instead my immune system has put a colander on its head, rolled up its sleeves and charged full pelt into each of my arsenal, knocking them over like bowling pins, then continued to sit on them, shout ‘who’s your daddy?!?’ whilst squishing its massive arse cheeks into each of their faces. As they try to run away, screaming and covered in arse cheek indentations, my beefed up, (probably green) eyes wide and terrifying immune system grabs each of the squealing group, sending them on their way with a final present of a massive wedgie. So in the end I am left with my immune system performing a victory dance, waving his hands above his head whooping in delight, and a group of wailing, whining group of treatments, all waving a white flag and all trying to gingerly coax their pants off their ears, snivelling in a corner vowing never to go back into the fray. How bloody useful is that?

As a result, I hold my hands up and say, it has been a struggle to maintain my sunny disposition. At times, I admit I have felt like hiding in the fridge. The only place I can lessen the pain of these bloody bites. I have felt like putting a ‘gone to lunch sign’ on my head, sitting with a blanket over myself, hoping all the world will just bugger off and let me be. I have dragged myself out of the house kicking and screaming, and through gritted teeth stepped out into the world attended meetings and appointments whilst avoiding eye contact and looking almost certainly like a bum with eyes. My nerves have been frayed. My eyes are bloodshot, I feel like my hair is on end. I am most certainly irritable and cranky, sleepy, hacked off, dopey and several other Dwarves in the process.

It hasn’t helped that I have had to fill in my PIP at the very moment I can’t remember the word for umbrella. Sometimes I get such bad brain fog, the conversation becomes like a game of Articulate and I start to scrabble around like a frightened raccoon climbing a curtain, desperately trying to wrack my brain and search for and assemble the correct words, nouns and adjectives I need, and enter into a maddening description game, so I can form sentences that actually make sense. “You know,it goes up, big, rain... oh YOU KNOW” clearly my husband doesn’t have a bloody clue and looks at me with a look that can only be described as a cross between, pity, alarm and probably wondering if he can nudge me into the shed without me realising, so he can go back to having normal conversations with people without turning it into a game of charades. My brain would not work this week. And I have no idea how I managed to fill that thing in.

The PIP is the most demoralising piece of paperwork I have ever had to fill in. I spend my time trying not to give IBD energy or power. I am mindful not to start sentances with ‘my IBD’ in order to prevent it from giving it an identity or a personality. I try not to go over my symptoms or dwell on what I can’t do, or go to, or participate in because I refuse to give the IBD control over me. The PIP is designed so you have to go over, in great detail, why you can’t do things. Why your disease/disability deserves financial help? What can’t you do? Where can’t you go? Name all the horrible ways it effects you? How does it make your life a misery? Can you bathe? Can you eat? Can you walk? If so how far? Is it unaided? Tell me, tell me TELL ME NOW, TELL ME HOW RUBBISH IT IS!!!! It’s like there are a group of people all sitting in the dark listening to you tell your story, all cackling and rubbing their knees in delight as you become more and more miserable, smaller, insignificant and finally succumb to the very meaning and nature of the disease. This form is made to reduce you to jelly. And that’s exactly what it did. I felt so awful after completing it. So angry, so stressed and so tiny. Here it was in black and white, in front of my eyes, all the ways in which my disease hurts or hampers me on a daily basis. I hated writing it. I hated admitting that sometimes I eat only one meal a day because it hurts too much to eat more. I hated stating that sometimes I can be in pain for hours. I loathed writing down that I sometimes only sleep 2 hours a night because I am so uncomfortable. Here it all was. My life with IBD and I really struggled reading it. This form gave the IBD so much power it was able to light up a neighbourhood. So much strength, it could pick up a bus, so much presence that if it was leading a motivational seminar, it would have every person screaming its name, leaping out of their seat with joy, suddenly seeping inspiration and motivation from all of their pores. It would have so much gravitas, that every woman and man in the room would want to either be with them or be like them. But I had no choice, I had to fill it out. I even asked my lovely husband to tell the arse hats judging this, what it was like for a loved one to watch someone precious to them, to live and function with this disease and I knew it made him uncomfortable because he didn’t want to give it any power or presence either.

After we both finished it. I admit I was upset. It had to be done. I know it did, but once I completed it and the words stared back at me, it forced me to admit that IBD is rubbish. It’s bloody rubbish. It’s a scary, non sensical disease. It robs you of sleep, looks, vocabulary, bowel function, loo roll, company, finances, control and equilibrium. It makes my immune system go completely crazy, which is why I am still battling hives, and a prickly rash snaking up my arm and the worst itching imaginable, 4 WEEKS later! It stops me from eating yummy things or from eating at all. It prevents me from doing kick boxing (a sport I used to love) or hiking, or enjoying long walks because of the pain and severe chronic fatigue I get. And it means I have to fill in bloody forms like that one, just to get a bit of financial support because all the symptoms have been so bad I haven’t been able to work. It’s hard. IBD is hard. And this week has been really hard. Battling just a couple more symptoms than the regular IBD symptom symphony, has sent my fatigue, my immune system, my sleeping pattern, my pain threshold and my patience into overdrive. It’s meant that moving my bunnies house into our dining room to give our fur babies some more socialisation, drove me to tears. It’s meant that I can not control my bowel movements. It’s led to me cancelling meetings and not going to Choir. It’s made my hair frayed and my nails brittle. It’s given me horrible nausea, sore throat, cough and headaches coz my immune system acts like it drinks red bull 24 hours a day. But what I have realised is. Sometimes it’s okay that it’s all rubbish. Sometimes you have to give in and agree. By doing that you actually give yourself back the power and control. By accepting the way it is at that moment it means that you rest. It doesn’t mean you give up, but it’s okay to feel sad and frustrated having this disease, to look like a bum with eyes, to accidentally put keys in the fridge, and not be able to think of the word for ‘pyjamas.’ And then, when we are ready we need to go back to whatever we need to do to deal with it again. So at the moment I am ‘out of order’ because I need to be, in order to make it better but before long, I will be ready to tackle it again. Ready to get back to the meditation and mindfulness, and remedies and slathering anti itch creams on myself. But just for a little while it’s okay to close the door, cuddle up on the sofa and hide away from the world in order to miss parts of your life before IBD. It doesn’t make us weak. It makes us strong and it’s necessary to heal. And if any of you have ‘gone to lunch’ for the past few hours or days, come on over. We can all wear our matching jackets and go on strike together.

[hmorris0712]

“are we still in love and is it possible we feel the same?” ~tyler x jenna joseph

a/n: hey! just a lil thing to keep you satisfied while i finish off the next part to night of my life :))

~somewhat based off of the song morph by twenty one pilots~

3rd person p.o.v.

three am. don’t worry he’s sleeping, he’s not losing sleep like he does part of the time. for once he’s sleeping peacefully beside his wonderful wife.

well, up until he’s jolted awake by his own mind. his eyes flash wide open and he becomes aware of the sweat on his hairline and his back now that he’s back in the realm of consciousness. he stares up at the ceiling for a minute. why is his mind like this? why can’t he ever get a peaceful night’s sleep? why does his brain have to go to the darkest places while he sleeps?

just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you don’t get nightmares anymore.

he shifts his gaze onto the sleeping figure beside him. jenna’s still fast asleep, one arm thrown lazily across his torso, her messy hair somehow still looking perfect while it’s stuck to her face. he allows the corners of his mouth to curve upwards into a smile just at the sight of her.

after a minute, he realizes his tshirt he has on has sweat patches in multiple spots. he sighs as he softly moves jenna’s arm off of him so he can get out of bed. he steps onto the ground, feet hitting the cold, hard wooden floorboards. he grabs the hem of his shirt and slowly pulls it over his head, still in the groggy, sleepy state of mind. he tosses it onto the ground below him and makes his way into the bathroom. he turns the light on, squinting at the brightness for a moment. after all, he had been in the dark for hours. after his eyes adjust, he looks in the mirror only to see his own reflection staring back at him.

he scans his eyes over the black ink that runs across his arms and chest, his mind going back to the place he was at mentally when he got each tattoo. when he snaps back into reality, he lets out a long breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

why can’t he live a normal life? why does his brain insist upon torturing him? will he ever be free? or will he die still having these thoughts? death. what a strange word. it doesn’t mean anything, except for the meaning it was assigned. the very opposite of life. the end of all life.

what will people think when he dies? will they mourn? when will he die? will he die before jenna? no, he couldn’t do that to her. will he die after her? no, he wouldn’t be able to live much longer if she died first.

he sighs and runs his hands through his hair, placing his elbows on the bathroom counter and hanging his head down low. he still doesn’t know why he continues to have these thoughts so often.

“tyler?” the soft, concerned voice of his wife calls. he lifts his head up and slowly turns his body to see jenna climbing out of bed, starting to make her way towards him. “what’s wrong? why are you up?” she says as she reaches him, resting her arms around his waist.

“it’s nothing babe, i’m fine.” tyler reassures her as wraps his arms around her shoulders, placing his forehead on hers. he takes a breath in and closes his eyes. “no it’s not.” she says with a sad smile. tyler chuckles dryly. “no, it’s not.” he repeats. he opens his eyes and looks into hers, getting lost in them like he often finds himself doing.

jenna leans in quickly and pecks his lips sweetly. she pulls back with a smile. “c’mon ty.” she says as she grabs his hand and pulls him back to their bed. tyler immediately pulls her into his arms when they climb back in, her head laying on his bare chest, his resting atop of hers. the feeling really soothes him. feeling her head move with him when he breathes, holding her close, it’s just...soothing.

they lay like that for several minutes. sometimes jenna will run her hand up through his hair and back down to his back, rubbing circles on it because she knows it calms him.

however, tyler’s been itching to ask one question this whole time, fighting himself on whether he should ask it or not. eventually part of him can’t take it anymore and he just blurts it out.

“do you still love me?”

jenna snaps her head up immediately, her ocean blue eyes connecting with his amber brown ones. “tyler, of course i still love you. why-what’s making you think otherwise?” she asks, voice full of concern. tyler stays silent for a moment. “i just don’t understand why you do.” he mumbles quietly, making shy eye contact with her and biting his lip to prevent tears from building and maybe eventually falling.

as he gazes at his wife, he notices that for a moment, and only for a moment, her eyes briefly fill with tears. she grabs his head and tilts it down, placing a kiss on his forehead. “i still don’t understand why you don’t know why i love you.” she says with a smile. “tyler you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. you bring the best out of me and better my bad sides. although i’m usually happy day in and day out, you make my days even better. i love you simply because you’re you. you didn’t even have to do anything to gain my love and affection, it happened naturally.” she explains as she absentmindedly plays with his hair.

“see that’s the thing. you love me because i’m me. but that’s the reason why i always wonder why you love me. because i’m me.” tyler states quietly, grabbing her hand and playing with her fingers. she grabs the sides of his face, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

“do you still love me tyler?” she repeats his question from earlier. he reaches a hand up and runs it through her hair. “with every fiber of my being.” he answers with a half smile, resting his forehead on hers. she smiles back. “then there’s the answer to your original question.” she laces their fingers together and gives his hand a squeeze in reassurance.

the longer tyler looks at her, the more his tears threaten to make an appearance and put on a show. however, he lets his eyes linger on hers because she’s beautiful. she’s breathtaking. she’s his wife. she loves him. although he still may not quite understand it, she loves him.

and before he knows it, he’s leaning in and kissing her lovingly. he can’t help it. whenever he feels the urge to kiss her, he can never stop himself from doing so. he loves her way too much. more than anything in the world. she is his most prized possession, the best thing he’s accomplished in life. he loves her.

but he does feel a few drops run down his cheeks as their lips continue to crash together. it doesn’t matter though. all tyler wants to do is stay here forever, but he knows that time is against him and that this moment will pass just like the rest.

they break apart eventually, their foreheads and noses still touching. when jenna opens her eyes to look at her husband, she notices the wet streaks on his face. she smiles again. she’s always smiling. “aw tyler...” she trails off as she swipes her thumbs across his face to wipe away the tears. tyler feels several more tears spill over, yet smiles through them nevertheless.

he doesn’t want to cry right now, he didn’t allow himself to, but that’s what’s happening. he hugs jenna tightly and buries his face into the crook of her neck. she wraps her arms around his shaking body and starts making circular motions on his back again.

he’s not crying because he’s sad. he doesn’t really know exactly why he’s crying right now. but it may have something to do with...the joy he’s feeling? maybe he’s just so thankful to have jenna in his life.

they lay there in each other’s arms for who knows how long. maybe tyler just needed to get all the crap he was dealing with of his system all at once, although he didn’t want to. he had, and still somewhat does have, this habit of trying to bottle up his emotions, and it isn’t healthy for him. he’s been getting better at letting them out every once an a while though.

eventually he’s able to regain control of his body again and get his breathing down to a normal level. he releases his hands from jenna’s head, realizing he’d been clutching her hair, hopefully not too hard. he lays his head down on her shoulder for a minute as she softly runs her fingers though his soft brown tuffs of hair.

“i’m such a mess jenna.” tyler breaks the silence, voice still a little shaky, fidgeting with her hand once again. jenna grabs that hand with hers and wraps her other one around his shoulder, looking him in the eye with a smile on her face. “you may be a mess tyler, you may be broken, but broken people can always be fixed.” she tells him. he looks up at her finally and her eyes read sincerity. he knows she’s telling the truth. she’s willing to fix him. and right now, that’s all he needs to know.

he smiles and presses his lips on hers shortly, pulling back with a look of adoration in his eyes. “i love you jenna.” he says before placing a kiss on her nose, earning a giggle from her in return. she wraps both her arms around him and lays her head down on his shoulder. “i love you too ty.”

~end:)

[legrandepapillon]

To Withstand a Test of Time (marcules)

Summary: A brighter hope for a better future. Prompt: ‘I did a pregnancy test. It’s positive, but there's no way it could be yours.’ Author’s Notes: tw: rape, dubious consent, descriptions of violent abuse, and mentions of abortion

Hercules is exhausted, and his shoulders bear the weight of his day. His brain numbly recalls the details of the stressful day—a last minute hemming on a wedding dress, late night boxing of his new line of sweaters being shipped out, a leak in the customer bathroom that had nearly ruined the dresses on the showroom floor… a whirlwind of disaster after disaster. Everything was fine now—he'd handled the situations fairly easily and even gotten a headstart on the custom prom dresses he was making. And he'd helped make one brides wedding day remain the most perfect of her life, and that sort of satisfaction was what motivated him to keep running his own boutique.

He’s surprised to see that both Maria and Susan are still awake, playing happily with a box full of kittens— laughing and cooing at the small bundles of fur, not at all having noticed his entrance. His eyes fly to Maria, and her face morphs from amusement to joy when she finally does see him.

“Hey, Hercules, check these cats out! They were abandoned, babe—you should’ve seen the poor things! In the freezing rain, after I picked Susan up from practice. We couldn’t just leave them there,” she explains excitedly, a child-like gleam in her eyes.

One kitten has been lifted and curled closely to her chest, and it purrs at the attention when she runs the tips of her fingers between his ears. Hercules sighs, scrubs his hand over his face—he's not even surprised that something like this happened again.

Most people collected stamps or coins or potato chips shaped like religious figures. Maria collected lost animals— especially the discarded, abused, sick ones that no one wanted. They’d had a slew of pets ever since they’d moved into a house together—from dogs to goldfish to bunnies and now… kittens. Six of them, from the sleepy count that Hercules takes in his head. All of them, pawing playfully at the two girls sitting on the floor.

Usually, the animals she picked up were fosters that found forever homes. However, occasionally, she'd find strays and there'd be no open no-kill shelters willing to take them. It seems as though this was one of those situations.

“I don’t even—I gotta pee,” he sighs, unable to find the words. Nothing he says will change her mind from keeping the kittens anyways. “Keep those there.”

“Where else would I take them?” she asks, petting the cat pressed against her chest. The kitten innocently blinks wide green eyes up at him, and he fights the urge to reach out and ruffle the tufts of fur at the top of his head. They’re cute—he’ll give them that. He just needed to figure out where they'd keep six cats.

“Back to where they came from?” he jokingly retorts, to the horrified gasp of ‘Daddy!’ from Susan. He barely dodges the magazine that is thrown after his head.

Hercules shuffles off towards the guest bathroom while Maria helps Susan name the kittens—John and Alex are both immediately brought up and, after long moments of laughter, shot down—the aching in his pants begging him for purchase.

As he’s relieving himself, he looks boredly around the bathroom. The small bachelor pad that he used to own alone had taken on an extreme look of girlishness ever since Maria moved in—though, she did somehow manage to make every room look cozier. Besides, her presence was strong—he's sure the bathroom would be just as pink and just as frilly if there were one thousand men living in the house.

He’s not at all surprised that Ocean Bay soap sits primly in a soap cozy on his sink, or that the trashcan is fucking sky blue.

Frowning, Hercules glances back to the trash can. What was that? It’d been a glimpse—quick, buried mostly beneath tissues and drying towelettes, but there. White, and it looked a lot like a thermometer. Stuffing himself back in his pants and zipping up, Hercules reaches down and shuffles through the trash can—unearthing the strange looking object. He recognizes it immediately—he had watched his mother and father huddle around it four times in his childhood.

He's suddenly not very tired.

Why would Maria need a pregnancy test? He wore condoms and she took the pill—he knew, he checked her pill case sometimes to see if he'd need to get her more. They had sex frequently enough, but he did his best to monitor things between the distractions of business and raising little Susan. And whilst they couldn’t afford a new baby right now—both he and Maria worked while Susie was at school, and neither of them had the financial stability required to quit their jobs—he doesn't know why she wouldn't tell him that she had her suspicions.

Unfortunately, the box isn't in the trash and Hercules can't tell if the test came back positive or not. But by the looks of it, it had been taken a while ago—maybe a couple of days. Had she been planning to hide this from him? And if so, for how long? Certainly not too long—pregnancy started showing eventually, and she’d have to come clean.

He doesn’t have time to ponder an answer—laughter drifts from the living room and into the bathroom, reminding him that he shouldn't be taking this long. Tapping the pregnancy test against his unclipped nails, he eventually sets it against the sink to wash his hands before slipping out to the living room to where his girlfriend and child are.

“Babe, look! We have Raven,” Maria says, lifting the black kitten with the green eyes when she sees him. The smile on her lips betrays no secrets, and he hates to think she was omitting truth right to his face. “and Buttercup, from Susie’s favorite movie. We’ve come to deadlock on Coal and Charcoal—I personally think Charcoal makes much more sense, but Susan holds strong against me. Where do you stand?”

“Maria, do you have something to tell me?” he blurts, holding the stick up for her to see. The joy in her eyes immediately dims into sadness—shifting from bright bubbly happiness to a  dark, heartbroken grief in a matter of seconds. She turns to her child, her dark curly locks curtaining and hiding the kittens from his vision before she exhales and shakes her head.

“I knew this would come. Okay. I did a pregnancy test. It’s positive, but there's no way it could be yours,” she says quietly, petting one the the kittens. That had to be impossible. He knew that in the year they had begun dating and sleeping around together, they hadn't been exclusive. But in the past few months, they had been an official couple. There was no way she could be carrying a baby that wasn't his unless…

Immediately, Hercules’ heart takes a nosedive into his stomach.

“Who is he?” he asks bitterly, a lump forming in his throat making it difficult for him to get the words out. There's a thinly veiled rage boiling throughout his veins, making his muscles tense and his teeth grit. His mind swims with a thousand thoughts, none of them coherent enough to formulate on his tongue. He wants to scream and curse and hit something.

Terrifying his own self with that last sentiment, he furls and unfurls his fists, takes several deep breaths and points towards the staircase.

“Take your kittens and go play with them in your room, Susan. Daddy will come tuck you in soon,” Susan hesitates and looks nervously between her mother and stepfather, having been old enough to know what her real father did when his voice got angry like that. But Hercules had always done his best to promise both of them that he'd never lay a hand on a hair on their heads. “I'm not gonna hurt her. I swear.”

Though still wary, Susan does as told—picking up the kittens and gently placing them back into the box before carrying it upstairs. Both Hercules and Maria wait in a thick silence, listening out for the sound of her door closing before they continue the conversation.

When they finally do hear the short click that indicates she can no longer hear them, Hercules rehones his attention onto Maria.

“I'm going to try my best to be very open minded here. But you need to be honest,” he begins in calm yet shaky voice, doing his best to prevent himself from shouting or being accusatory. He's angry, and hurt, but he won't let that cloud his judgment. “Who is he?”

Maria takes a deep breath and moves to sit on the couch, hands twisting themselves about in her lap. She pats the seat beside her, and he goes to join her without second thought. He may be furious right now, but this is still the love of his life. He wanted to marry this woman one day, start a life with her. If she had done what he thinks she had, then he already knew he wanted to make it work.

“Herc, you know I love you,” she says slowly, and he can tell by her voice that she's about to cry, too. Seeing her so distressed isn't making anything about this situation easier. “I haven't, nor will I ever do anything to maliciously hurt you. You saved my life and you saved my daughter's life. You're a great guy, a loving boyfriend, a doting father. I'd be stupid to fuck that up on purpose.”

“Get to the point, Maria.”

She exhales again, wipes hastily at the tears that have begun to fall. By now, Hercules can begin to see through his own emotions, and what he finds makes his stomach twist even more. There's something eating away at her, he can see it in her eyes. But its almost as if she's too afraid of the consequences that will come if she says it.

At this point, he's wondering if something else is gravely wrong. If Maria hadn't done this out of her own selfish needs, then how the hell had she wound up pregnant with a child that isn't his?

“Babe, I want you to know I’m so sorry. I'm really, really sorry. He's been using the spare key to let himself into our house so he can have sex with me every other night for the past two months. He never uses condoms. He says that he likes to fuck me in our bed, because he knows ‘he's pissing all over your territory’. I have to let him. He says if I don't give him what he wants, he'll make our family court Judge give him full custody of Susan. His Dad has higher up connections, he can get her taken from me.”

She's full on crying now, tears falling before she can catch them. Loud, ugly sobs shake her entire frame until she's a fearful, trembling mess in his arms. Hercules, all of his anger evaporated into guilt and sorrow, squeezes her closer to him and gently rocks the two of them back and forth. Though she doesn't say a name, he automatically knows who this ‘he’ is.

James Reynolds had been her ex-husband, the father of her daughter. An abusive, manipulative, sociopathic rich alcoholic with a ‘God’ complex, he'd stolen Maria’s childhood and made her life hell. She was fourteen and he was twenty-five when her mother signed the consent form to marry her off to him, and he'd taken her off to New York in order to prevent her from having any contact with a world outside his. For years he'd raped, beaten, manipulated and pimped Maria—laughing whenever she threatened to call the cops to escape, because his father was a well-respected judge and his uncle was a police commissioner.

Maria had only managed to get away when he went in on a DUI, and a lawyer at the police station saw her bruised arms while she tried to keep her toddler still. He helped her get a divorce, find a life away from James. That lawyer was also how Hercules had met her.

Now the bastard was back, and not only had he been raping Maria again, he'd gotten her pregnant.

The truth is, Hercules is mad. He's livid, vibrating with rage. One of the main thoughts running on loop in his mind is ‘I'm gonna kill him’. He's well aware of why James was so keen on decimating his girlfriend, his bed, his home. The cowardly bastard made the mistake of lifting a hand to Maria once before when he was around, and Herc had sent him away cowering, with his tail between his legs. He'd humiliated him, and this was James’ payback for it. He also knows the only reason that James was able to pull off something this bold is because he operated under the assurance that Maria  would be too ashamed of what she was being forced to do to say anything. So yeah, even if she weren't his girlfriend and the mother of the stepdaughter, he's furious that the slimy asshole had found a way around Hercules to manipulate, rape and control Maria.

And besides the anger, he feels guilt and grief. Hercules had thought he'd gone to all the extremes to keep his new, little family safe. Had bought Maria new license plates for her car, enrolled Susan in a private charter school, rented a new house, installed a security system, changed their phone numbers twice… hell, he even bought and kept a gun under their bed. He'd tried his hardest to protect her, and still he failed. He had let James get to her and hurt her after he promised that would never happen again.

He knows, however, that there's a time and place for both of these emotions. And right now, he didn't need to express either of them. He needed to be a comfort to Maria, and he needed to help her figure out their next step.

“I know its unbelievable,” Maria continues, after several long minutes of neither of them saying anything, wiping at her nose with the back of her sweater sleeve. Hercules offers her a packet of Kleenex from his pocket. “It sounds like a stretch. But I swear, I have the text messages.”

“When did you realize you were pregnant?” Hercules asks quietly. Grabbing the Kleenex to blow her nose, Maria glances up at the ceiling as though she's thinking. She's still crying, rivers paving tracks down her cheeks but her sobs have at least devolved into little hiccups. Hopefully, she was calming down a little.

“Two weeks ago, I think… I just had a funny feeling so I took the test. Then I skipped work and went to my gynecologist this morning. She says I'm two and a half months along. I did the math on the estimated conception date… you went out of town to open your new location that entire weekend. James was over all three nights. But its gonna be okay, because I scheduled an appointment at the Women's Health Clinic for next week and—”

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” Hercules interrupts, pulling away from their close embrace so that he can look into her eyes. He searches her expression for a twinge of a smile, for her to grin and say ‘gotcha!’. When she doesn't, he tilts his head. “You don't… you're not going to have an abortion, are you?”

“What else is there for me to do, Hercules? I love Susan, I do. She's my sun, my moon and all my stars. But I don't wanna carry another one of his babies. The only kids I ever want to have again are yours.” There's a desperation to her words, almost as if any other option is completely unacceptable in her world. He's aware that its not his body, and whatever decision she makes is ultimately the final one, but he can't help but plead his case.

“Maria, you know I'll support you through anything. Even this. But James won't be a permanent part of your life—if it's the last thing I see to. This is a very permanent decision that could seriously impact your future. And you know the baby will have a good home. I don't care if its not mine biologically, I'll be its father and I'll be a damn good one. And it'll have an amazing big sister and a strong, awe inspiring mother. Can you… can you think about it for me?”

Maria looks down at her hands, reaches up with a tissue to wipe the remnants of the tears from her face. The expression that rests there almost completely shatters Hercules’ heart—or it would, if everything he's heard tonight hadn't already done the trick. She looks so… hopeless. Terrified. Alone. He'd never seen Maria look so broken, so completely worn down.

He doesn't want to push her off the edge. After all, its been a long night and she's been through a lot these past few months.

Hercules takes her hand in his before she can lower it back down to her lap, wrapping his hand around it and bringing her knuckles up to his lips.

“Hey, no matter what happens—I'll still support you, ‘Ria. And I'll always love you. Now, let's go tuck Susie in so we can get some rest.”

Author’s Note: For anyone curious, Susan is 5, Maria is 21, Hercules is 25 and James is 28. Herc and Maria have been together for a year and a half. And yes, James is the biggest douchebag I could make him.

[urgirlc]

undefined

WELCOME TO MY SPACE!!! hahaha someone give me a name pls Here are my top 10 ways to handle stress (the video was 12 mins long and i was too lazy to edit) 1. Change of Environment 🚘 This could mean go for a drive, go to the park, go eat, socialise. I find that this really helps (momentarily) as it takes your mind off the stress and gives you something else to put your mind on. Sometimes I find zoning out whilst driving really does help (wind in my hair and music haha) 2. Stretch 🙆🏼‍♀️ I think stretching is so therapeutic, sometimes after a long hard day you want to undo all the knots in your body from tension. Stretching is also important and should be the first thing you do in the morning (to prevent injuries from dumb things.. like hyper extending your legs??) I take stretching to like a whole new lvl.. literally groaning whilst i stretch may be one of the best things i have uncovered. 3. Journaling 📝📚 For me, journaling is the best method to relieve stress. I’d like to think telling a friend or family member about my problems is helpful but sometimes I enjoy writing. It helps clarify the situation and make it more clear. Sometimes the thoughts in our head maybe unclear and jumbled, being able to write it down lifts a lot of weight off my shoulders. Not only that, there are a lot of personal things that I think about it and I sometimes am uncomfortable telling others and journaling really does help me express the things that I am not able to say. 4. Hanging out with pets 🐶 5. Gym 🏋🏼‍♂️ Nothing better than turning frustration, and stress into motivation to gym. As well as keeping yourself fit and active, you can unleash a lot of the suppressed emotions inside at the gym. 6. Wake Up Early ⏰ I find that waking up earlier makes me less stressed. Back when I was only doing one shift a week I felt like the biggest potato and i mean this in the most negative way. All my friends were working full time/part time.. and I did nothing. It made me feel very stressed out that people were moving on with their lives and I wasn’t amounting to much. Getting up early allows me to have a productive day and achieve more things. 7. Go Beach 🏖🌊 Once again, the idea of change of environment, as much as I hate waves and sand, I love the beach. Mainly because it’s so calming and relaxing, I enjoy being tanned and taking in all the sun and being nice and crispy & sleepy haha. The air is clean and I think that’s when I’m really feeling like I am in my element. 8. Cleaning/rearranging your room 🛌 I am all for rearranging my room, buying new furniture. I believe that your bedroom is your temple, where you sleep/eat/spend most of your time. I like to have good energy flow through my room and have it lively and spacey. Designing it the way I like it makes me incredibly happy. I think coming home from a long day to your bedroom is the most satisfying feeling and it’ll be even more spiritually filling if you are in love with your room. 9. 3 Things you’re grateful for today 🍃 I picked up this method in primary school where my counsellor would make me write about the three things I was grateful for, every time I felt sad. I didn’t understand the psychological part of it until he told me this; whilst thinking about the 3 things you are grateful for today it takes your mind off your worries and concerns. It fixates and concentrates on the three things you’re grateful for. Therefore I find this a good way to keep my humble and at grace and a friendly reminder of why I shouldn’t be too stressed out! 10. Candles/Baths/Long showers 🕯🚿🛁 People really underestimate the use of candles, it is actually so therapeutic and good for you spiritually. Unwinding after a long day may be as important as sleep. Your brain has been at work for so long during the day and sometimes just having a long bath or shower is good for you (mentally). It’s important to take care of yourself, no one else is going to do it better than you. You know yourself best! I hope some of these tips are useful for you guys, like I said I am probably the most stressful person but here are some things I really think works for me when I’m stressed or having a long day. All my love.

[careforselfs]

Tips that changed my young life

Part  1 (one)

 As a kid with ADHD, sleep deprivation and a severe case of laziness, at one time in my life I had stressed myself out to the point where suicide was looking like a viable option. No young person should have to feel that way, especially if it’s because of preventable habits. Around the start of high school my time was spent being unproductive and feeling miserable. I had no motivation to get any work done, I was tired 24/7 but I hardly got any sleep, I was grumpy and depressed and unfocused, and my social life was suffering. Although these are still problems that I (and everyone on this planet) face, I’ve gotten a lot better at handling myself and I’ve stopped putting up with my own bullshit. Although not all of these tips are going to help/are practical for everyone, hopefully some tired and sickly kid like me will find this list and feel a lil more inspired to get the most out of life. 

1. Self-care isn’t what you think it is:

A few years back my idea of self-care was so skewed that my habits ended up doing more harm than good. Whenever I felt bad, I’d usually curl up in a blanket, watch some netflix or scroll tumblr, wallow in self-pity, and eventually fall asleep. While admittedly that is something we can all benefit from every once in a while, when that becomes a daily ritual is when it becomes counter-productive. Self-care is supposed to make you feel good; not only in the moment but in the long run too. Blanket pity cave feels great at the time, but when you finally emerge into the light you find that you’ve wasted time, you still feel sleepy, and nothing has been achieved. But what else could self-care possibly be?!?! you may ask. Well I hate to be the one to say it, but sometimes self-care is doing the last thing that you feel like doing. If you’re feeling tired and sad, often the best remedy is to go for a quick walk around the block. If you knew me at all, you would know that walks are not something I very much enjoy. Especially when I feel like curling up into a sleep-ball, exercise is the last thing I want, but the first thing I need. And I always end up feeling better in the end. And exercise isn’t the only form of self-care! It’s getting a glass of water even when you’re too tired to get up from the bed. Its doing your god-damn homework even when you’re so fucking sick of calculus oh my god I can’t even bare to look at it. Just do it. Even for, like, 10 minutes. Then take a break. It doesn’t seem like much but you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment and therefore feel more motivated. Please, just take this from me. Two years ago I would have laughed in your face if you had suggested this to me “I can’t do homework if I don’t feel like I can do it! Are you crazy? That's not how ADHD works!” Well suck it up kid. You gotta take care of yourself. Think long term!

2. Just ask for help:

I like to be independant. I like doing things by myself, without help, because that's what smart people do right? Wrooong. Nobody is born with the innate understanding of how to do everything. It’s a waste of time if you’re trying to get stuff done but you’re stuck because you don’t understand something, and instead of asking a simple question you stubbornly sit in your chair for hours wracking your brain for the answers when you know in your heart they aren’t there. Asking for help can be embarrassing, especially when you think the question is stupid or you think you should be able to do something by yourself. But teachers/parents/chaplains/whoever are usually more than happy to answer your questions, and will rarely think badly of you. They need help sometimes too! And help isn’t only for school work. At some point in time you’ll realize that you need mental health help, or physical help, or emotional help. Those aren’t things to be ashamed of. I used to/still have a lot of trouble getting motivated to complete basic tasks. Before I’d just sit on my ass and wait for the motivation to come naturally, but it never would. Finally I realized that if I simply asked my mom to help me (set a timer, check up on me, go through things step-by-step) I could... actually accomplish stuff. And yes, asking for help, especially for simple and “easy” tasks, is anxiety inducing. Sometimes I felt like a child, incapable and useless. But if you get help straight away, then you learn how to be independant sooner rather than later, and you’ll need less and less help. There’s really no shame in it. Everyone needs help at some point in their life. Everyone. 

3. Identify and treat any underlying health problems you may have:

I was diagnosed with ADHD in grade four, but it didn’t start to affect my life until high school. The second semester of grade ten I noticed my marks dropping an unusual amount, and I was struggling to stay motivated. I was tired, disoriented, grumpy, all the things I’ve listed above. Finally my mom took me to see my old psychiatrist, and she put me on medication. It took a very long time to find a combination of pills and coping strategies that worked for me, but now I find I’m able to cope a lot better. And I know that I’m not just lazy, or dumb, or useless. My brain is wired differently from the norm and I’m not able to function well in the environment that modern society has created. And now that I know that I’m able to adapt. And mental health problems aren’t the only health problems that can affect your outlook on life. For a long time after I had settled on the right meds, I was still feeling tired and hazy. I was weak and pale, had absolutely no strength or energy, and fell asleep so uncontrollably that I started to wonder whether I was narcoleptic. After a blood test to check if I could start new medication, it was discovered that my iron levels were non-existent. All my symptoms were symptoms of low iron. It was such a simple and common health problem, but it had gone undiagnosed for so long that it had started to severely affect my life. I started supplements and added iron-rich foods to my diet, and two years later I’m a completely different person. I can go for hikes. I can wake up early and not feel tired. I have the energy to do whatever I put my mind to, and even my thinking is clearer. Don’t just chalk up all your problems to “I, as a person, just suck.” Sometimes, our “quirks” or “faults” are actually symptoms. 

4. Love unconditionally: 

This tip doesn’t focus on you, but your perception of others. My whole life I’d been in a toxic friendship. My best friend didn’t treat me or others well, but she was all I’d known and therefore I didn’t know any better. She was extremely quick to judge others, on their clothes, hair, and personality. If someone did something she didn’t like, no matter how small, she’d cut them off completely. After a while I learned to think and act the same way, and eventually, to our surprise, we ended up with no friends but each other. I just thought that people were mean. That I was better than them. I understood how the world worked and everyone else was immature, and not worth my time. Unconsciously I ended up judging people by their flaws. I’d disregard all their good traits, their kindness, their loyalty; I’d look through all of that to see only their faults. And nobody is perfect, so I had no friends! My “friend” had even higher standards than I did, so naturally I was cast aside after 10 years of loyal friendship. I was shook, to say the least, and I started to reevaluate how I viewed people. All along I’d obviously known that everyone makes mistakes, you should love people with their flaws, blah blah blah, but I actually started to put that mindset into practice. And I discovered a world full of beautiful, beautiful people. I began to realize that if a friend did or said something I didn’t like, I could still be friends with them. We didn’t have to agree. Sometimes people say or do stupid things. Sometimes people have outbursts, take all their anger out on you. Sometimes they can be unkind or unloyal or untrustworthy. But those things don’t define them. For all their flaws, they have 100 more beautiful traits. You shouldn’t let their problems outshine who they really are. And that’s what I’d been doing! I missed out on so many wonderful friendships because I couldn’t get over the fact that sometimes people aren’t 100% awesome. They can make mistakes and it’s alright! Sometimes they even make big mistakes! And that’s alright too! You can work past them together. I find that when someone is shown unconditional love, instead of taking advantage of you like you might think they would, they tend to become more appreciative of your friendship, and become a more confidant person. But it’s important to remember that it’s also ok to cut toxic people out of your life. Sometimes, for no reason at all, you won’t get along with someone. Your personalities just don’t mesh, or some of their traits just rub you the wrong way. You’re not obligated to be friends with everybody. You don’t have to hate these people, remember they have good things inside them as well, but you also don’t have to devote any of your time to them. It’s also important to remember that some mistakes are just unforgivable. It doesn’t matter what it is, but if someone does something that affects you so much that you don’t know if you could handle keeping them in your life, it’s ok to let them go. You can’t say “it’s fine whatever” when in reality you’re going to suffer. Sometimes, people’s negative traits can outshine their positives in your life. They might not be a bad person, but they can be a bad person for you. All in all, I find that it’s easier to just accept people. I have sooo many more friends now. I’ve been exposed to different types of thinking and different ways of being, and I’ve only become a better person because of it. 

[virginshigaraki]

I would like to say, I hope she reads this. Also, I would just like to say that i can't ever rant about how much I care about a particular girl in my life?? Females are so beautiful and wonderful and they aren't superior or anything but something about their beauty is just so majestic and hypnotizing, but just. This girl. Like sends me on brain rollercoasters? I mean. She's so important to me holy shit? But ever since she's been..upset and her friends fucked her over she's resorted to jokes and closing off. Its kinda..pissed me off I'm not mad at her at all, like at all, just. She's a naturally sensitive person as much as she will hate to admit and i'm pouring my heart out here but..I sincerely worry everyday and love everyday and ever since she's closed off it just seems like she cares less when thats clearly not the case The toxic relationships she has occurring in her life are affecting both of us. She tells me not to worry and to forget it, but everytime shes upset or like this, its reflected towards me, and I know she means no harm but sometimes words can hurt, especially from the girl i've given my whole soul to We havent argued. I've prevented any arguments. And I just tell her to stay positive and sweet, try to find the positives, but everytime she exits that school..shes just..someone I don't know anymore. People there have changed her, and inside she's sensitive. Malleable. They shaped her into something I don't even know, and the sweet tenderness of love sometimes can hurt. I constantly say I love you, and it's true. I love my girlfriend, nothing can change that. Just sometimes when the exchanges of love is ignored it hurts. But I don't think she's a bad person, not at all. I love this girl so intensely, and I wouldn't want to hurt her one bit, and I don't want to leave her and I won't. I'm glad i've known her for so long. I don't regret risking things for her. I try my best to not be a toxic person. And I don't think I am. I care for her, and I love her for who she is, but this person she is right now is not her. Its a facade to hide whats truly inside, and when the facade goes up, so doesn't barriers between us, and it's so hard to crack the code to get walls down. She's not toxic either. Toxic relationships are just in her life and she doesn't leave them, and its just making her more malleable, and I just can't sit around to watch her be shaped to who others want her to be. I'm sick of this joke/meme girlfriend. Its not her. Jokes and memes make her happy, but I know she uses them to hide sadness. Its not pathetic, but i'm not going to let it happen anymore. I want her to be who she is. She's a beautiful, affectionate, intelligent, creative, sleepy, adorable, cuddly, fragile soul. She'll disagree, but I don't. I see her beauty behind her facade. I don't want that facade anymore. It's tiring.

[paullassiterca]

Top Tips to Cope With Seasonal Affective Disorder

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that occurs seasonally, typically ramping up in the fall and winter months and disappearing come spring.1,2,3 It’s been estimated4 that as many as 20 percent of Americans are affected by SAD each winter.

What differentiates SAD from regular depression is that a full remission occurs in the spring and summer months. Common SAD symptoms include oversleeping, intense carbohydrate cravings, overeating and weight gain. Some people also have trouble concentrating and withdraw socially, preferring to “hibernate” indoors instead of carrying on with their normal day-to-day activities.5

Dr. Norman Rosenthal, clinical professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University School of Medicine, was the first to describe SAD, writing in a 1984 journal article6 that the “depressions were generally characterized by hypersomnia, overeating and carbohydrate craving, and seemed to respond to changes in climate and latitude.”

Indeed, rates of SAD vary depending on location, with people living farthest from the equator in northern latitudes being most susceptible. In the U.S., for instance, SAD affects just 1 to 1.4 percent of Floridians compared to 9.7 percent of people living in New Hampshire7 and 9 percent of Alaskans.8

The Importance of Vitamin D

Many have become familiar with the importance of sun exposure for optimizing your vitamin D level,9 and there is research showing that not only is SAD more common in people with low vitamin D, but raising your level also improves symptoms of SAD.10,11

Your body produces vitamin D through exposure to UVB light. Unfortunately, for those living in northern latitudes, this may only be an option for a few short months each year. As a general rule, you have to live below 22 degrees latitude if you want to produce any vitamin D at all during the winter. The charts below display the likelihood of vitamin D synthesis across the U.S. by month.

While supplementation may be required during months when you cannot produce sufficient amounts through sun exposure, it’s important to get your vitamin D level tested before you start taking supplemental vitamin D. This will help you fine-tune your dosage over time.

For optimal health, including mental health, you’ll want a vitamin D level between 60 and 80 ng/mL12 (150 to 200 nmol/L), with 40 ng/mL being the lower cutoff for sufficiency. GrassrootsHealth has an online vitamin D calculator that can help you estimate the oral dosage required to get you into a healthy range, based on your starting blood level.

Considering vitamin D’s impact on mental health and brain function, it would certainly be prudent to make sure your vitamin D level is optimized if you struggle with SAD. Vitamin D is only part of the equation, however, as sunlight influences your mood in general, and SAD specifically, in other ways as well.

SAD Linked to Circadian Rhythm Disruption

Your body’s circadian rhythm, which directs a whole host of physiological processes, is calibrated by exposure to natural sunlight and darkness. When sunlight is lacking, it can disrupt your circadian rhythm, triggering SAD.

For instance, sunlight helps keep your level of the protein SERT low. As a key player in transporting the neurotransmitter serotonin, known to play a role in mood, having a low level is a good thing, as higher SERT levels are linked to lower serotonin activity and increased depression. As noted in the journal Depression Research and Treatment:13

“In one study,14 people with SAD had 5 percent more SERT, a protein that assists with serotonin transport, in the winter months than in summer … Throughout the summer, sunlight generally keeps SERT levels naturally low. But as sunlight diminishes in the fall, a corresponding decrease in serotonin activity also occurs.”

Melatonin is another important player that is influenced by your circadian clock and exposure to bright full-spectrum light. Your master biological clock resides inside the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN) of your brain, which is part of your hypothalamus. Based on signals of light and darkness, your SCN tells your pineal gland when it’s time to secrete melatonin and when to turn it off. One of melatonin’s primary roles is regulating your body’s circadian rhythm.

When it gets dark, your brain starts secreting melatonin (typically around 9 or 10 p.m.), which makes you sleepy. Levels typically stay elevated for about 12 hours; then, as the sun rises, your pineal gland reduces your production and the levels in your blood decrease until they’re hardly measurable.

In people with SAD, melatonin production appears to be disturbed. Some may overproduce melatonin, leading to feelings of sleepiness and lethargy. In others, melatonin production may be phase-delayed, which means it’s produced at the wrong time.15

The combination of low serotonin and excess melatonin may prove to be especially problematic for your circadian rhythm, and there’s evidence that, for people with SAD, “the circadian signal that indicates a seasonal change in day length has been found to be timed differently, thus making it more difficult for their bodies to adjust.”16

Proper Light Exposure Is Crucial Treatment for SAD

According to an overview of SAD in the journal Psychiatry,17 “Light therapy is established as the best available treatment for SAD.” Indeed, light therapy alone has been found to be more effective than the antidepressant Prozac.18 Even placebo was more effective than the drug — a finding that highlights the fact that drugs are not the answer for this condition.

Interestingly, while daylight as a whole is beneficial to fight off the winter blues, blue light has been found to be particularly beneficial. According to one 2010 study,19 blue light appears to play a key role in your brain’s ability to process emotions, and its results suggest that spending more time in blue-enriched light could help prevent SAD.

It may be even more effective than the bright white light typically used in light boxes to treat SAD and other forms of depression. In a previous interview, researcher Dan Pardi explains the peculiar effect blue light has on your brain, which sheds further light on why it’s so important to expose yourself to blue light during daytime hours, and why you need to avoid it at night:

“[R]ods and cones in the eye … are specialized cells that can transduce a photo signal into a nerve signal … In the mid-90s, a different type of cell was discovered … [called] intrinsically photosensitive Retinal Ganglion Cells (ipRGC).

It does the same thing as rods and cones: It transduced light to a nerve signal. But instead of the signal going to your visual cortex, it goes to your master clock. Those cells are most responsive to blue light.

If you can block blue light, you can actually create something called circadian darkness or virtual darkness. What that means is that you can see, but your brain doesn’t think that it’s daytime; your brain thinks that it’s in darkness.

That is actually a practical solution for living with artificial light in our modern world … With more awareness, future digital devices will adjust lighting in the evening to automatically dim and emit amber/red light [instead of blue]. This is much better for healthy circadian rhythms and sleep quality.”

Blue light is prevalent in outdoor light, so your body absorbs the most during the summer and much less in the winter. Because of this, the researchers suggested that adding blue light to indoor lighting, as opposed to the standard yellow lights typically used, may help boost mood and productivity year-round, and especially during the winter.

Timing and Intensity of Light Exposure

If you know that SAD symptoms tend to come back for you every winter, you may want to start light therapy in late summer. Keep in mind, however, that blue light at night should be avoided as it will inhibit melatonin production and impair sleep.

So, to be clear, you only want to expose yourself to blue light in the morning, and possibly afternoon, but not in the evening. Findings differ on the issue of the most effective timing, but at least one meta-analysis20 found the largest mean effect size among those exposed to bright light in the morning and evening.

To be on the safe side, I’d suggest avoiding light therapy once the sun begins to set, to avoid further disruption of your circadian rhythm. The light intensity is also important. Outdoor light is in the neighborhood of 10,000 lux, and this is the level of intensity you’re looking for.21

This is about 100 times stronger than a normal light bulb, so to be effective, you’ll need to get a special light box, and make sure it generates at least 10,000 lux and emits white and blue light, not yellow or infrared. As noted by the authors of a 2015 paper addressing the assessment and treatment of SAD:22

“In the Scandinavian countries, light rooms, where light is indirect and evenly distributed, are available. Typically, light boxes filter out ultraviolet rays and require 20 to 60 minutes of exposure to 10,000 lux of cool-white fluorescent light daily during fall and winter.”

Additional Treatment Strategies for SAD

In addition to optimizing your vitamin D and getting daily light therapy, the following strategies may also be helpful in the treatment of SAD:

Exercise — Exercise is a well-recognized tool for improving your mental health. In my 2008 interview with Dr. James Gordon, a world-renowned expert on mind-body medicine for the treatment of depression, he stated that physical exercise is at least as good as antidepressants for helping people who are depressed, as it increases serotonin.

It also boosts brain cells in your hippocampus, which are sometimes reduced in people with depression. He’s far from the only one to come to this conclusion.

A 2013 meta-analysis23 published in the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews found exercise is moderately more effective than a control intervention, which in some cases was pharmaceuticals, for reducing symptoms of depression.

Other research24 published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that aerobic exercise “at a dose consistent with public health recommendations” is an effective treatment for mild to moderate depression.

If you can, do your workouts outdoors so you can get some sunlight exposure at the same time. As Dr. Meir Kryger, professor of medicine at Yale School of Medicine, told NBC News,25 “The worst thing you can do is stay indoors and not be exposed to natural sunlight at all.” As an alternative, Rosenthal suggests doing your workout in front of a full-spectrum light box.

Optimize your sleep — You were designed to go to sleep when the sun sets and wake up when the sun rises. If you stray too far from this biological pattern you will disrupt delicate hormonal cycles in your body, which can affect both your mood and your health. 

The link between depression and lack of sleep is well established. More than half of people diagnosed with depression struggle with insomnia. In one study, 87 percent of depression patients who resolved their insomnia had major improvements to their depression, with symptoms disappearing after eight weeks.26

While there are individual differences, as a general rule, aim for eight hours of sleep per night. If you struggle with insomnia or poor quality sleep, review the many suggestions listed in “Sleep �� Why You Need It and 50 Ways to Improve It.”

Clean up your diet — A factor that cannot be overlooked is your diet. Foods have an immense impact on your mood and ability to cope, and eating a diet of fresh, whole foods as described in my nutrition plan will best support your mental health.

Refined sugar and processed fructose are known to have a very detrimental impact on your brain function and mental health in general. A classic book on this subject, “The Sugar Blues” by William Dufty, delves into this topic in great detail. Cutting out artificial sweeteners will also eliminate your chances of suffering their toxic effects.

Interestingly, vegetarians are four times more likely to suffer from SAD than nonvegetarians, so a primarily plant-based diet may not be ideal during the winter season. Vegetarians are also twice as likely to suffer from nonseasonal depression,27 which suggests nutrient deficiencies may be involved in both.

Optimize your omega-3 status — One nutrient that is extremely important for healthy brain function and mental health is marine-based omega-3, found in small fatty fish such as sardines and anchovies. Wild-caught Alaskan salmon is another good source, as is krill oil, if you need a supplement. As with vitamin D, your best bet is to get tested, to ensure your omega-3 index is at 8 percent or above.   

One 2009 study28 showed that people with lower blood levels of omega-3s were more likely to have symptoms of depression and a more negative outlook while those with higher blood levels reported the opposite emotional states.

Optimize your gut health — Fermented foods such as fermented vegetables are also important for optimal mental health, as they are key for optimizing your gut health. Many fail to realize that your gut is literally your second brain, and can significantly influence your mind, mood and behavior.

Energy psychology — Energy psychology can be likened to psychological acupressure. It’s based on the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture, but doesn’t require needling. One form of energy psychology is the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), which has proven effective against depression, anxiety and other emotional challenges.

Speaking to CBS News, Pittsburgh area therapist Joan Kaylor stated, “By tapping on these points, this can have an effect on seasonal affective disorder by removing the sadness, by removing both the emotional component, as well as any physical sensations.”29

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) — Another option is CBT, which helps to modify behaviors, thoughts and emotions that may be affecting your mental health and happiness, and has been shown to be effective for those with SAD.

Research published in the American Journal of Psychiatry found CBT works the same as light therapy in improving SAD symptoms,30 and you may want to consider a combination of the two. Speaking with NBC News, Dr. Norman Rosenthal, clinical professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University School of Medicine and author of “Winter Blues: Seasonal Affective Disorder: What It Is and How to Overcome It,” said:31

“Several controlled studies have shown that CBT can be extremely valuable not only in helping people who have SAD, but in preventing subsequent episodes. SAD is an illness where your behavior will have a major play.

Also, if you don’t know what’s going on, you begin to blame yourself and think you’re a failure. CBT can correct dysfunctional behaviors that may [arise from SAD] like lying in bed late with covers over your head, which is the worst thing you can do as you’re depriving yourself of natural light when it is most effective: in the morning.”

In closing, it may be worth noting that it’s natural for your body to want to slow down somewhat in the wintertime. While this can be difficult when your work and personal life dictate otherwise, allowing yourself to slow down a bit and surrender to the overwinter process32 may ultimately help you to respect your body’s circadian rhythm and recharge.

That said, this doesn’t mean you should plant yourself on the couch for the winter and not venture outdoors. On the contrary, staying active and spending time outdoors during the day are among the best “cures” for SAD.

from Articles http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2019/02/14/seasonal-affective-disorder-light-therapy.aspx source https://niapurenaturecom.tumblr.com/post/182798188381