#sorry if any of this is phrased wrong. just sort of venting

[sovereignsystem]

For some reason our system often gains introjects of characters that are/have been largely thirsted after or generally seen as very attractive, and while that's nice in some ways because that means quite a few of us feel very confident in ourselves, it also really sucks because interacting with or even just viewing fandom source content is a constant roulette of whether or not we're going to be made extremely uncomfortable by whatever we see.

We have alters who have needed to stop using tumblr for long periods of time specifically because their source-selves are so heavily sexualized that it nearly triggers us.

I havent seen anyone talk about this before, but I think it should be spoken about more frequently, because it really is a problem that doesn't have a solution other than just not interacting with our sources at all. And that kinda sucks.

[doerot]

hey i know u didnt mean anything malicious with it but i really dont think calling people dumb and telling them to go read a book is a great look when u have followers with things like learning and intellectual disabilities who can see that kind of rhetoric come from ur mouth

I understand where you are coming from so I deleted the rb but I need you to reflect on if this was necessary to send to me

[dodger432101]

Can you write a fic with lux and female reader where he plants a shut up kiss on her? Like she’s freaking out about something or angry about her horrible day and he plants a shut up kiss on her and making her feel better. Thank you!

Your job has not been kind to you recently. Especially today. Everyone seemed to have it out for you, everything that went wrong was your fault. So you waste no time leaving once your shift is over. Luckily, there's a caring little God waiting for you at home.

As soon as Lux hears your keys jingle in the lock he's racing to the door, bouncing the soles of his feet as you walk in. “Welcome back sunshine! How was-.. work..?” You look completely drained. Sure, he's seen you worn out after shifts, but today you look particularly done. He follows you through the house as you complain about what happened today, his thumbs twirling around each other nervously. Usually it calmed you down when you talked about your day, venting your frustrations out. But now.. it just seems to be riling you up more, voice raising as your anger builds.

You practically throw yourself down onto your bed, having changed into more comfortable clothes. “It was just awful today! How could so many things be my fault?!” Lux climbs up into your lap, grabbing your hands and putting them on his face. Playing with his squishy cheeks, the tufts of hair behind his ears and his antennae helped calm you down before. Even if talking isn't doing the job right now, hopefully this will. It doesn't. Your hands don't move this time, too wound up in your anger. “This one guy, right, he blamed me for something that happened in a room that I wasn't even in at the time! How does that make any fucking sense?! I was busy fixing yet another problem I didn't cause! Was I supposed to be in 2 places at once? How does that work?!”

Lux is lost on ways to help you now. The two usual methods have either not worked or just made you more frustrated. He looks down at your still moving lips. Aha! If talking wasn't helping, maybe he just needed to shut you up. With a cheeky little smirk, the God of Light wraps his arms around your neck, shuffling within your lap so he can get on his knees to be eye level with you. You're too busy ranting to notice the change in his mood. As you take a breath, sighing heavily, Lux surges up and kisses you, both hands running through your hair to massage your scalp. You sigh through your nose at the relaxing pressure, stroking your thumbs over his cheeks as you return the kiss. When he feels your shoulders lose the tension in them he pulls back, smiling at you. “Sorry to interrupt you, angel, but it didn't seem like talking your frustrations out was working today.” He nuzzles your nose with his pig snout, making you chuckle.

After another quick kiss you pull him right up to you in a warm hug. “You're right, I was just getting more worked up as I thought about everything. Thanks for the help sweetheart.”

“You're welcome! Now, why don't we watch some TV? I can always make some changes to the script, modern shows are so boring.” He hops off your lap after one more kiss, already on his way to the door.

With a good stretch you follow after him. “You're not going to make them swear or anything, right Lux?”

“Don't make me laugh!” He visibly cringes as he realises he's used Mr Ring-A-Ding’s catch phrase, causing you to giggle. “Yeah.. ‘cause you're the one who'll be laughing instead! Gotta cheer you up after you've dealt with the annoying rest of your species.” As he flops onto the couch he gasps like he's gotten a great idea. “You could take me to work! I'll put any of those pests in line!”

“Something tells me that's a horrible idea.” You grab the remote for the TV, flicking one of Lux's antennae as you turn it on. “I don't need you causing havoc at my job, I might actually get fired if I bring in the God of Light to sort out people who annoy me.” As you go through the channels for something to watch, your lover shuffles up next to you.

“I'll be super sneaky! They'll never know it was me, or that you're in cahoots with me. Remember, I control light, toots. If I don't want anyone seeing me, they won't!” Lux snuggles up to your side, smiling up at you innocently as you wrap an arm around him. “I promise, I'll be good! No trapping, no killing, no purposeful harm! Just a little itty bitty scare so they leave my angel alone.”

As the channels switch, you suddenly gasp as you put the remote down. It's a kid's film you loved when you were younger. With a bright giddy smile, your attention is fully on the TV. The God at your side looks between your face and the screen, then he leans his head onto you as his eyes close. You seem to like this, so he'll leave it alone and just soak up some light. He's also using this time to think of ways to get back at the people putting your mood down at your job. Hopefully with enough begging you'll let him go with you.

[transmisogyny-explained]

I'll be blunt/honest and say I am not the smartest person/am kinda an idiot. This is not intended to be negative/self-hate, I just strongly suspect the answers to my questions must be obvious to most people. And I'm hoping that acknowledging it will help show the sort of mindset I'm coming from (uneducated/ignorant on the topic I think. But wanting to learn)

I have a genuine question regarding this/the topic surrounding it if it's okay:

If your response to seeing women being celebrated in any way is to say “This needs more men,” then you’re just a misogynist. There are no two ways about it.

I thought the OP/someraven person was trying to say they wanted more transmasc and nonbinary representation (I think they mentioned nonbinary, sorry I could be remembering that wrong) but explained it very poorly/ended up making it seem like transwomen/transfeminine people are at fault in the process (transwomen/transfeminine people are not at fault), do I have that wrong? I'm not too good with words/social cues (I'm not sure if that's the right word for what I'm trying to say, sorry)

My main question though is: How can one say they want to see more transmasc or nonbinary representation in ways that don't take away from/demonize transfeminine people/transwomen? Like what is a better way to go about that? Is there a better way at all?

Because it would be nice to see more stuff with transmen (and nonbinary people, but now my question has shifted toward focusing on transmen/transmasculine people) but I also don't want to unintentionally sound like I'm saying I want less transwomen/transfeminine representation if that makes sense

I guess like: Say something has 10 transwomen, 12 cis women, 14 cis men, and 8 transmen. I'd want everyone bumped up to 14 rather than knocking everyone down to 8.

(1/2)

(Same anon as a second ago, the one who asked about the someraven stuff)

Does that make sense? I don't know if that makes sense. Sorry, I'm not sure if this question is transmisogynistic or not. I'm not trying to be.

— I do want to warn you I am a transman, just very isolated from people (and communities. I have poor communication skills in general and I'm trying to I guess catch up to where everyone is knowledge-wise. I thought I saw something in your About that said it was okay for transmasc people to ask questions though but if I misremembered I am very sorry. You don't have to answer this at all (stating in case you feel pressured to. I don't know how else to say it but now that I type it it sounds like I'm giving you permission which is not my intent but I don't know how else to phrase it. That's the phrase I usually hear from people I'm sorry)

Also, I had a question about this too, sorry:

Remember that, while your experiences are valid and you're allowed to be upset, being mistaken for a transfeminine person will never be as traumatizing an experience as actually being one.

I understand how being transfeminine is more traumatizing than being mistaken for a transfeminine person, the question isn't about that (I think? If it is I guess I haven't made the mental connection sorry). And I understand the "your experiences are valid part" regarding transmasc people but I guess I don't understand how they're valid?

Like, what does valid mean here? Are transmasc people allowed to vent/say when they're upset or does voicing it inherently take away from transfeminine people/transwomen? Is there a way to do it without taking away from transfeminine people/transwomen?

I think it might be important to say that I'm still struggling to unlearn black-and-white thinking (I have Borderline Personality Disorder) and I am 90% sure it's affected how I'm processing this topic/ making me process it wrong but I'm having trouble figuring out which parts are wrong on my own. Thank you for your time regardless of if you answer this or not

(2/2)

Yes, that sometimesraven person did strongly imply that transfeminine people are at fault for the lack of representation for transmasc and nonbinary people. But, more importantly (imo), the argument they were making was extremely bioessentialist.

If all they had said was, “I wish this magazine had included more trans men/other types of trans people,” that would still be a bit suspicious, because transfeminine representation is still trans representation. But they’d at least have the point that it wasn’t being billed as a transfem-exclusive magazine, and representing a diversity of experiences is always a good thing.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see more representation of transmasc and other types of trans experiences, nor is there anything wrong with saying that. But what sometimesraven was specifically saying is that there was a lack of “AFAB representation” and that AFAB people were being made to feel isolated within the trans community because of this.

This is just plainly bioessentialism. There is no universal experience uniting AFAB people, trans or otherwise, while excluding AMAB people.

To give you an example of what I mean: Let’s say the magazine interviewed an agender person who specifically spoke on what it’s like trying to present gender neutrality within a highly gendered world. Whether that person was AMAB or AFAB might have had a great deal of impact on their gender experiences; but other agender people, regardless of AGAB, might also be able to read and relate to that article either way. Meanwhile, if a binary trans man reads an article from an AFAB nonbinary woman talking about their experiences partially identifying with their AGAB, he’s probably not going to relate to it very much at all.

I don’t think that what they were saying was the result of poor choice of wording. I think they’re just a transmisogynist who views transfeminine people as being fundamentally different from and incapable of understanding the experiences of “AFAB people.” In other words, a bioessentialist, someone who views people as having innate and immutable qualities based on the gender they were assigned at birth.

As for your second question: Yes, in this context, “valid” means you’re allowed to talk about your experiences, and also that whatever trauma you may have gone through should not be ignored or downplayed.

But — and I don’t mean to sound rude here — I think this is a very social media-oriented way of framing this question. My question would be what does “vent” mean in this context? Does it mean just talking to a friend? Because, yeah, you’re allowed to say whatever you want in the privacy of your own home.

Do you mean posting about it? Because, in that case, you do have to be careful not to detract from whatever conversations about transmisogyny may be going on at the time. Don’t post it in tags which transfems frequently use, don’t vent in transfems’ inboxes or on their posts, make it clear that you’re just venting and it’s not an invitation for constructive discourse… That’s basically it.

For TMEs, there needs to be a separation between the personal, private matter of dealing with transmisogyny — both within yourself, and in whatever ways it may have indirectly affected you — and the public-facing activism of dismantling it within our communities. If you understand that not every step of your journey towards unlearning transmisogyny needs to be broadcasted for the world to see, then it should become pretty easy to recognize when it is and is not appropriate to discuss your experiences with misdirected transmisogyny.

If you ever feel the need to bring up these experiences in discussions of transmisogyny, I ask that you take a minute to reflect and really ask yourself, “Is what I’m saying constructive to the conversation, or do I just need to vent about something that really negatively affected me?” If the answer is the latter, then ask yourself the followup, “Is what I’m venting about something that I really need to share with the world, or would it be better reserved for people that I trust?”

[mental-health-advice]

Is any human relationship truly anything more than a trade? Because I feel like people can't tolerate me once I become too much and can't give them something they need or want. I feel like the only way to go is to just pretend I am a different person than I am in reality, because if I decide to "lean on my friends for support" it will end up "draining them and making them feel like I am too ill so they can't tell me anything about themselves" which makes them resent me. I had this happen with my best friend when I had an eating disorder and she was the only person who'd pay me any attention when I was struggling. I first told her that I'm concerned about my eating behaviour. And it happened so that in the end I found out she resents me because basically I am too sick and she can't vent to me as well, also when we see each other I look like I don't care about her. Truth is that I was extremely depressed and was thinking about food all the time. I'm sorry if this is not making sense, but I guess I just honestly don't believe I am of any use to people when something is wrong with me. Even my family sort of closes their eyes and whenever I've tried to talk to them about how I truly feel, they've plainly said they don't understand me. So this time when I relapsed with the ed I didn't tell anyone, I just went to a treatment center by myself, because I don't want to make anyone feel like I am some sort of ill patient who needs 24/7 care from them as if we were in a hospital. I also stopped telling my friend about how I feel, I just lie, because it's either this or being resented in the end.

I know this probably made little sense, I am sorry. What I most wanted to ask is - do people really care for anyone? Because I feel like in social relationships I am an object of trade. Either I am in good condition and have something valuable I can give the person so they keep talking to me, or I am in a bad condition and the worse it gets the less I can give and the less valuable I become. I just feel like the phrase "a relationship is built on equality - both people give and both take" is a fancy way to say "when you stop being able to give, you are useless and people will move on to someone who can give more".

-🖤

Hey there,

Unfortunately, sometimes friends aren’t the greatest of supports when we are struggling and are needing to vent and talk to someone when we are really struggling. I am sorry that you have personally experienced this. Maybe your friends that you spoke to though had their own things that they were struggling with and so felt overwhelmed when you spoke to them or maybe they simply just didn’t know how to respond to you and so it was easier for them to just ‘resent’ you in a way and make it so that you could not talk to them in the future about your personal struggles. From what you have mentioned it sounds as though it may have been the latter, and so maybe in future when you feel like you need to talk to one of your friends you could let them know that you simply just need to talk and that you appreciate that you know that they may not know how to best help you but that you just need to talk to someone, if that makes sense. Like I mentioned though, not all friends are less supportive than others and so you may just need to be clear of what you are needing or expecting of them! Also, you could perhaps mention to them that that they are more than welcome to vent to you as well (if it’s not too much for you to hear) and that it can be quite normal to talk to one another about what each friend is going through/ experiencing. Sometimes you just have to be clearer about that more than with other people in your life.

I think that it’s admirable that you were able to get yourself the professional help and support that you were needing for yourself at the time. Maybe this is something else that you could mention to your friends when talking to them – that you are able to get yourself professional help and support when you really need it and consequently this may also take some of the pressure off of them when you speak/ vent to them.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[tstwitterupdates]

Same anon as before, talking about having to scroll through everything; I get your points, and it's like- totally valid. But correct me if I'm wrong, but this blog was made entirely for the purpose of showing Thomas's tweets? I'm not saying that you can't change the content of a blog, but the fact that one of your suggestions is "oh just search the Twitter tag for all his tweets" is slightly frustrating when that should be the main point of the blog. I understand not wanting to have a separate criticisms blog too, don't get me wrong, and I'm glad you did this in the first place, but I kinda wish there was some sort of agreement or midground we could come to. Also- some of your 'not a tweet' posts have clarifications that are actually related to the tweets, and I do want to see those. I just think people saw one person vent and took it as free ground to dump on Thomas in general when this was Not The Place To Do That, and it's frustrating. :/ And I'm sorry for taking it out on you, you don't deserve this either. -tired Anon

yeah you’re right. thanks for sending this, i feel better now that you’ve phrased it like this and i completely agree.

this had happened before and that’s why in the pinned post i wrote a comment about please keeping asks on topic of the tweets. and i think that’s just the best solution, to encourage people not to send as many anons. but of course each person is sending just one ask, they don’t know how many others have sent theirs.

what we could do is that if anyone wants to send asks that are getting out of topic (or criticism) you can send them instead over to @logically-asexual, my main sanders sides blog. im not turning it into an exclusively criticism blog but i am available to chat there any time and complain very often. if i receive many anons here i can make a post then saying that their answers will be posted on that blog, for anyone unaware.

that way i can answer over there and i don’t leave asks unanswered here and don’t fill the dash of stuff that gets in the way of finding tweets. does that sound good? :/

[yisanged]

not a vent really. maybe sort of technically i've just had something to be annoyed about in like every class today at school. kill. and i was complaining and it just got really long you know me

uuughhhhhh i only did sort of alright on my english quiz and i probably bombed my math test i ran out of time and had to stay like 5 minutes after the next period started to finish it and while i was trying to get out there was some tall asshole standing in the middle of the aisle that was my only point of exit because our desks are pushed together into columns in that class and there was a cluster of people by the teacher's desk on the other side so i tried to get past him and accidentally pushed him a little and he turned around and was like hey you almost just knocked me over you could at least say excuse me all bitchy shut the fuck up you were all but yelling to your friend no way you would've heard me and you were the one blocking the only way out in the first place also i did say sorry you just didn't hear me cause again you were being loud and obnoxious. and during health some lady came in to tell us not to smoke but she decided to stand directly behind my desk for like half the presentation so everyone was looking towards me and she kept talking about "penis cancer" with that phrasing specifically and saying that cigarettes maim and kill you which is such strange wording. maim? and i kept giggling which was embarrassing cause everyone was looking. and during band i had to stay behind cause i had to practice playing my solo and ensemble piece with the piano accompaniment but i had to like carry all my stuff over to the next room and the bell rang just then and the director made a big deal of not letting anybody out until i got out but i had to like grab my reeds and put my bocal in the top and then get a good grip on my four foot long instrument that will fall apart if you grab it wrong and also i forgot to put my reed water back in the case so i still have it with me right now. also we need to play a chromatic scale for the judges at solo and ensemble but i fucking can't do that. i can go from low f to high d which is just shy of two octaves but that's iffy as is i keep fumbling two notes specifically so i don't know if i can extend it to a proper two octaves by the actual event which is saturday TWO fucking days from now at 10:50 am gross. and gym is just bad always and the asshole blocking my way is in my gym class awkward ew. and my bag strap is broken and keeps falling apart because it's cheap as hell and i need a new one but don't really want to buy one but it's stressful carrying it around at all because the school has a really strict no backpacks during class policy and our principal is pissy about it even though none of the teachers care and technically any bag big enough to carry all your books in are banned which includes mine but it's so stupid i don't have time to go all the way across the school to get my bag then get to where my bus is and the buses leave five minutes after the last bell rings on the dot and my dad works everyday but thursday now and can't pick me up if i miss it and it's kind of far to walk and especially to snowy to walk lately and uuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. sometimes i don't feel real when i'm at school i think back on my day and it feels like that that happened to another person that isn't me. i feel like that's a symptom of a problem but whateverrrrrr whatever. i'm functional so not like it matters at all

[thefanficmonster]

Oblivious

Valkyrae (Rae) x Reader (Gender Neutral) ft. Corpse Husband

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: In the most desperate of times, we may or may not be used to hearing the phrase ‘Beggers can’t be choosers’ which is exactly why Y/N’s found themself asking the most hopeless of cases when it comes to love and romance - Corpse, for help.

Requested by Xara. Hi darling! Thank you so much for this wonderful request you’ve sent me - I love writing for Rae (excuse my bi excitement, I’m just a HUGE simp) and I can’t thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to do so. Sorry it’s been two months since you requested this but here it finally is and I hope it makes up for the wait. Love, Vy ❤

“Corpse, I’m in desperate need for help.“ I don’t even bother with a friendly or even polite greeting. Being best friends for as long as we have, Corpse and I excluded the politeness that comes with phone calls a long time ago, especially when calling with an emergency. Though, let’s be honest, if I’m calling him on the phone and not on video chat like I usually do, it is an emergency.

“Given that you’re asking me, I can imagine how desperate you are.“ He has the audacity to laugh in response, causing me to roll my eyes. 

Now, don’t get the wrong idea - I love Corpse with all my heart. Him and I have been through A LOT together considering we know each other since we were teenagers. However, there are some instances in life when he simply doesn’t get me. Not that he doesn’t try to, he does and does so very hard, but he rarely succeeds. Trying is what matters, of course. Given that he is my only close friend, I can only ever turn to him with my problems though I try my best not to bother him too much, but when things get REALLY tough, I can’t help but go and vent to him. Luckily, he’s always been very understanding, but it may be because he feels like he owes me for all the times he has turned to me with his problems. I’ve tried to explain that he shouldn’t feel such a way, but that’s rather hypocritical of me cause I feel the same way.

Alright, enough digressing, back on track!

“Desperate doesn’t even begin to summarize how I feel.“ I sigh, plopping down on the couch in my living room, kicking my feet up on the coffee table as I cover my eyes with my hand. “Brutally miserable is, I think, the correct term to use here.“

I hear Corpse let out a quiet ‘oof’, one I think he hoped I wouldn’t hear. “And what led you to finally give in and ask for help, not that I can offer you much?”

I can’t help but snort at that, a snort that serves as a replacement to slapping myself across the face. “Rae texted me yesterday asking if I’d like to play Minecraft with her and I took THREE HOURS to respond! Not on purpose, I just couldn’t think of something good to say!” I know I sound like a whiney kid, but I think I’ve passed that threshold LONG ago. Of course, this whiney kid version of me only surfaces around Corpse and Corpse only. No one else is allowed to see me like this or that would legit be the end of any sort of pride I may have left in me.

“You mean you couldn’t choose between ‘Sure, I’d like that!’ and ‘Of course, I’d love to!’? Please say yes.“ Corpse already sounds disappointed and he hasn’t even heard the worst of it yet.

“No and sit tight, it gets worse. I...“

He cuts me off, “Wait, no, don’t say it. Let me guess - you turned her down? Keep in mind if you say yes I’m hanging up on you.”

I remain silent, pinching the bridge of me nose and cringing as hard as my facial muscles are willing to allow. I can’t say yes, not cause he’ll hang up but because admitting it makes it more real, and the more real it is the more depressed it’ll make me and I will go back to being a self-deprecating mess that refuses to be productive or properly functioning - aka ‘Whiney Kid Maximum’.

“I’m hanging up.“ Corpse says after waiting five seconds for my response that only comes in the form of dead silence which is more than enough of an answer in and of itself.

“No, please don’t!“ I squeak out despite my agony, “I’ll never break the cycle if you don’t help me, Corpse! I’m a hopeless case!“

“You’re a hopeless case with or without me, Y/N.“ He states, angering me ever so slightly. “Not only cause you really are, but because I have nothing useful to offer you. Not even a single advice. Even if I did, giving it to you would by hypocritical when considered how bad I am on this field myself. Hell, the very person you’re head over heels for is my personal matchmaker. If anything, you should be asking her how to swoon her...“ He pauses.

So does my brain.

For a second we’re both quiet, the silence on the line suggesting big plans are being developed - well, not on my end but still.

“Now there’s an idea...“ He mutters more to himself than to me.

“No!“ I shriek fearfully, “Please, if you love me even the tiniest bit, Corpse, don’t put me in a situation where I have to be alone with Rae! Not IRL not in a Discord call - not in ANYTHING. I close up and end up seeming unfriendly and rude because of my inability to talk to her like a normal human being! I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just can’t do it! So please don’t make me.“

I maybe can’t read minds, but hell if I can’t at least have a rough guess of what’s on my best friend’s mind - I know he’s already scheming and coming up with odd solutions to my problem - some of which will cause me more problems but let’s not even mention those. That being said, I need to prevent him from actually carrying out any of his absurd schemes, otherwise it’s game over for me.

“Hmm, ok fine, but only cause I wanna spare you your own awkwardness. Consider it charity.“ He sighs, the disappointment even more evident now.

I sigh too, but I do so in defeated relief. It’s bittersweet, to be honest. “Thank you.”

“Don’t.“ He says sharply, “Don’t thank me. It’ll make me feel like I’m encouraging your behavior.“

Well, screw my feelings, I guess. I’m left on this battlefield alone, aren’t I?

Corpse hanging up the call confirms that I am, indeed, alone.

                      ��                                      *  *  *

“Hello?“

“Are you still in bed, for the love of God? It’s noon!“ Not only did he have the audacity to wake me up with his phone call, but now he has the audacity to judge me on my sleeping habits as well. Some darn nerve he has.

“What do you want, Corpse?“ I grumble out, groggy and now grumpy too. The last thing I need is the only person I can turn to turning on me. Especially not now. I don’t need his or anybody else’s judgement of me or my life, it’ll hurt too much.

“I want to know how long you haven’t showered, Y/N.“ He barks back, causing me to roll my eyes. “And when’s the last time you actually ate something healthy and nutritious and not just greasy takeout?”

“I showered last night!“ I straighten up and frown, feeling offended despite his questions being justifiable. I think that’s exactly why I’m pissed off, to be honest - he knows me and my habits too well. “And you’re just being hypocritical on the eating part!“

“Whatever.“ He mutters, allowing me to feel at least a tiny sense of victory for having proven him wrong, “Get your ass up and come play Minecraft with me, you need to be cheered up asap.“ He continues, much to my dismay. “And don’t even think about saying ‘no’. If you do, just remember, I have your address and a strong will to kick your ass into shape.“

“Into shape? We’re going to the gym or something?“ I’m honestly confused and intrigued now. Maybe the gym isn’t such a bad idea, I’m sure I could become really good friends with the punching bag.

Corpse sighs exasperatedly in a way I can basically hear him roll his eyes as well, “Not that kind of shape, Y/N. Just get on Discord, seriously, I’m worried about you.“ 

That sentence strikes a nerve. Something about that genuine concern in his voice reminds me that I still need to move on from focusing so strongly on just my failures, no matter how big or small, and keep pushing forward, if not for myself then for the people who care about me. For Corpse especially, seeing as how he’s sort of been my babysitter ever since my feelings towards Rae started to consume me whole and suffocate me. I don’t know how or when it happened, in fact I can best describe it as the Titanic: I was doing ok and then instead of hitting an iceberg the iceberg of feelings hit me and I started sinking. Corpse was there to offer me a hand to help me keep at least my head above the surface. He can’t pull me out of the water but he’s not willing to let go either. I’m afraid holding on like that will tire him out to the point of letting go of me completely, but I’m afraid of sinking too. You see my dilemma here, no?

“Ok, give me twenty minutes.“

I would have probably continued sleeping or just chilled on social media, refusing to get out of bed for at least another hour, but the debt I feel towards Corpse is stronger than the desire to be a slob so I motivate myself with every power my fragile mind can fish out of the void and push the covers off me, shivering at the drastic change in temperature around my body now that I’m exposed to the rather cool air in my room, my pajamas hopeless at providing me with any warmth.

Twenty minutes later sharp, I’m seated at my desk, in front of my computer with my headphones on, taking one last encouraging breath before entering the call where Corpse is waiting for me.

“Yo.“ I greet him half-heartedly, drawing invisible abstract patterns on my desk with my finger as if I’m avoiding eye contact with him IRL.

“Glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of punctuality at least.“ He chuckles, sounding a lot more pleasant and a lot more like my friend Corpse and less like sergeant Corpse Husband who was speaking with me on the phone earlier.

“Very funny.“ I murmur in my now common brooding manner, “Anyway, enough about me, how are you doing? Anything interesting happen since we last spoke?“

“You mean in the past ten hours? No, nothing interesting apart from that I managed to catch a few z’s.“ He replies as I join the Minecraft server, managing to get a smile out of me.

“Hey, that’s nice to hear! Good for you, Corpsie.“ I say, honestly proud and happy for him.

“Yeah, and just so you’re not calling me hypocritical on the topic of eating, I’m currently cooking myself lunch.“ He points out, now just straight up peacocking, “On that note, I got a pot on the stove so you’ll have to excuse me for a sec.“

“Please go. Don’t set your apartment on fire the first time you cook” I snicker, leaning back in my chair and fetch my phone to kill the time while he’s gone to tend to whatever attempt at a meal he has prepping in his kitchen. I feel bad for his stomach, and his kitchen, already.

“Corpse? Hi!“

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no - tell me that was an auditory hallucination and I didn’t actually hear that just now! TELL ME!

“Rae?“ I blurt out, almost falling backwards out of my chair, eyes wide, jaw hanging slightly.

Just then I get a text from Corpse:

Consider me dead and carry the convo. I know you’ve got this, Y/N

Oh that prick is gonna get it!

“Y/N? Hi! Sorry, Corpse didn’t mention you’d be playing with us, but it’s so nice to be hearing from you! It feels like it’s been forever.“ Rae replies, cheery and enthusiastic as ever, just like the absolute sweetheart she is.

With Corpse absent from his position, without his metaphorical hand holding mine, I’m metaphorically sinking and drowning. Maybe the drowning part isn’t so metaphorical after all, considering I actually am drowning in all the thoughts produced by my mind at the moment. A mind that’s going completely haywire, might I add.

“Hehe, well, funny thing, he didn’t tell me you’d be playing with us either.“ I chuckle anxiously, already breaking out in a nervous sweat. I solemnly promise to kill Corpse first chance I get, that way he’ll at least be dead for real.

“He set us up, huh? What’s his game, where even is he?“ Rae asks, properly confused as she should be.

All on-point questions, hun. And I can’t answer any of them logically.

“Um, you know, he’s off doing...something.“ And there go my conversational skills out the window, I hope they send me a postcard one day.

“Whatever, enough about Mr. Ominous. Tell me, what’s been keeping you busy?“ Oh crap, this is the question I’ve been fearing. Mostly cause I’m not prepared for it. “Actually no, let me rephrase: Why have you been avoiding me recently?“

‘Oh crap’ squared. Tripled.

“Whaaat? Avoiding you? Where’d you get that idea?“ I’m aware of my high pitched voice, but it’s not like I can do much to tone it down. Every part of me is in critical panic mode and rationality has accompanied my aforementioned conversational skills out the window.

“I don’t know, Y/N. Ignoring my texts, leaving me on ‘Seen’ and then declining my offer just to accept the same one coming from Corpse - can’t really blame me for finding it shady.“ She replies, her words making me wince and hide my face in the palms of my hands as though it’ll shield me from Rae’s brutal honesty and forthrightness. 

“I’ve been...bad at replying to everyone lately, nothing personal, I swear.“ Yeah, that sounded convincing, good gosh-darn job, Y/N!

“Why’s that?“ Something about her tone suggest she knows I’m lying and is just humoring me and my agony. I don’t know if to thank her for it or wish she’d just rip off the band-aid and confront me head-on. In that case I’d have only one of two options: freeze up or spill my guts. Honestly, I don’t know which is worse. “I thought you’d reach out to me, given you’ve found yourself in a pickle.”

I frown, confused and wary like I’m walking on thin ice over a pool of sharks, “Pickle? What pickle?“

“Corpse mentioned you needed dating advice.“ She replies simply as though it should’ve been obvious and as if it’s the most casual, regular and normal thing. Little does she know...

“Um, yeah, I guess you can call it that.“ I murmur sheepishly, my cheeks reddening.

“Who’s the lucky girl?“ She asks, the excitement now replacing the previous suspicion she was fronting, making me nervous as hell.

My heart skips a beat, “How’d you know I’m crushing on a girl?“

“Uh...“ She stumbles over her words, pausing to collect her thoughts and formulate a response, “Corpse told me!“ When the reply finally arrives it’s as high pitched as mine was earlier, suggesting something ain’t right.

I stay quiet, my mind and heart racing which is quicker. My leg is bouncing, my fingers are tapping the keyboard rhythmically as I rack my brain, pushing it to put the pieces of this enigmatic puzzle together, connect the dots.

When it finally does, I’m left with a horrific end-result, a realization that makes me go pale as a ghost, “He told you who said girl is too, didn’t he?” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. I keep the tone low so she doesn’t notice how shaky it is.

It takes her a few seconds to reply, but when she does I kinda wish she hadn’t, “Maybe...”

My first instinct is to excuse myself from the call, pack all my kitchen knives and drive to Corpse’s house but with my limbs having lost any and all feeling in them that is practically impossible. So, I settle for my second instinct which is hiding my face in the palms of my hands as though they can shield me from the immense embarrassment Corpse has set me up for.

“Listen...“ I start, not sure where I wanna go with this, “You don’t have to say anything, I get the hint. No need to bother with a gentle reje-“

“I like you too, Y/N!“ Rae cuts off my rambling with a melodic laugh, “I’m sorry, but you can be very oblivious sometimes, and I just wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine for a bit. Sorry if I freaked you out.“ Judging by her tone, she’s not sorry at all. In fact, she’s one step away from bursting out into laughter.

“Trust me, ‘freaked out’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.“ I sigh, exasperatedly, sinking into my chair alike a deflated balloon. “You and Corpse are gonna pay for that heart attack you led me to the brink of!”

This time, she doesn’t hold back, letting out the laughter she’s been holding back this whole time, “I don’t know how Corpse will do that, but could I pay my dues with a brunch on Friday?”

My eyebrows shoot up, “Miss Valkyrae, is this you asking me out on a date?“ I ask teasingly - aka with more confidence than I feel.

Please say ‘yes’. Please say ‘yes’. Please say ‘yes’.

“I don’t know, what do you think, Y/N?“ She asks, tone just as teasing as mine.

“Hey, I’m not as oblivious as you claim I am!“ I argue light-heartedly, “Does 2PM work for you?“

“Any time works for me.“ Rae replies, a smile blatantly evident in her voice. A smile that unleashes a flock of butterflies in my stomach.

And just like that, I have a date with the girl I’ve had a crush on for the longest time. It happened so fast it’s practically a blurred part in my mind, but one thing I’m sure will be crystal-clearly imbedded in my mind forever is that brunch on Friday. Just then, I get yet another text from Mr. Schemer himself.

That wasn’t so hard now, was it?

Some nerve he has, I swear to God.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Sorry steph, this is a ranty ask, I just need to get this off my chest. It upsets me a bit when I read fics and they say "They were like teenagers" in regards to intimate acts. It makes me feel inadequate, because I've never done anything with anyone, and I'm no longer a teenager, so I never had a stage where I could "act like a teen" with anyone. It makes me feel like I won't get that time to have that, that I'll be expected to know everything and be confident and experienced now that I'm older. Why do characters in fics they have to be equated to teens when they become over enthusiastic, and not just two people who are really into each other and experiencing something new? I don't know if I explained myself well here, and if this is a weird ask you don't have to answer it. Just needed to vent a bit.

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

First off, I just want you to know that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with "not knowing stuff when I'm older". You want to know who else doesn't?

THIS GAL.

Nonny, "acting like a teenager" to me, is hanging out with friends, going to movies, getting your first crush, learning about yourself, and going to school. It's society that pushes this – quite weirdly obsessive – idea that you should have fucked like rabbits in your teens and know everything when you're 20.

Anyway. In my case, Nonny, that sort of thing just... never came to mind, and it exhausted me hearing about all of my friends' latest relationships, when all I wanted to do is hang up the phone and play Sonic 2, LOL. And because that was my attitude, I was "a weird kid" and promptly bullied all the time. It wasn't until my early 30's I realized why I just had no interest in any of that (discovered my sexuality), and really, I did a lot of my own research and talked to others my age to learn what I didn't know. There's no "wrong age" for being inexperienced. Don't doubt your own worth, Nonny. Sometimes, some of us choose to just... not do that kind of thing, and it's okay. Some of us are confused by our bodies, by our preferences, and we in turn may internalize that.

There's nothing wrong with you Nonny. You'd be surprised how many "inexperienced" people there really are.

That all said, however, I think people "equate it to being teenagers in fics" because teens are curious, have lots of energy, and – no insult meant – more willing to try new or dangerous things. When you get to be my age.... well, I'm too exhausted most days to get up to get food, let alone have any energy to eff something. That's simply all they mean by it, Nonny. It's never meant to make people feel "left out" and it is a common phrasing in North American English (that and "going at it like rabbits"). It is also admittedly a small pet peeve of mine, namely because I am a romantic at heart and feel like a good relationship should also be based on being each other’s best friend, but I dunno. 

I’m literally the worst person to ask this question. Never had a serious relationship in my entire life. And like you, my shit self esteem makes me believe that because of that, I am undesirable. But I try not to let it get me down, and neither should it you! <3 You’re okay, Nonny <3

[my-darling-boy]

Right sorry I have to vent about something. I didn’t really want to post this but Oh Well it’s bothering me and I hope I’m not the only one who feels like this.

What I thought was me obsessing over a little mistake I made at work was actually the tip of the iceberg to this terror I feel internally realising as I get older, I’m required by society to mask my autism more and more because they see you as an inconvenience. But now that I’ve created this Highly Socially Convenient version of myself to fit into other people’s social standards, especially in the workplace, I can no longer make mistakes without people attributing them to laziness or carelessness or “stupidity”. It’s one of the many examples of people assuming “if I can’t see something, it doesn’t exist.” I’m constantly assessed with the “but you don’t LOOK autistic!” You shouldn’t have to know I’m autistic to start treating me with more care and respect.

If a customer is having trouble with the keypad, I don’t rip the thing around and jam their card in, annoyed. If a customer can’t hear me very well, I don’t roll my eyes when I have to repeat myself. If a coworker doesn’t understand how to use a register function, I don’t sigh heavily and shove them aside to fix it. Everyone is always apologising for making mistakes with their payment options or having to run back cos they forgot something or for “taking so long” or for doing this or that. People are sweating hurriedly counting out coins and notes and apologising but you don’t need to hurry! Take your time!! My line might be long but I know when I rush counting money, I get it wrong cos I can’t focus sometimes in chaotic, loud environments.

I’m so used to apologising for things I do as an autistic person and when I see others doing the same, I say they don’t have to be sorry. The checkstands are not easily accessible to understand or operate. People are rude and rushing. We’re wearing masks so it’s harder to hear/see facial expressions. Literally none of this is person’s fault, and yet they’re apologising like the checkstand or their communication style or even the angry customers behind them are their fault. And I do the same thing. The one thing I say ALL DAY LONG is “I’m sorry.” I say it so often that half the time I’m not even sure why I’m apologising, all I know is things that are out of my control are usually pinned as “my fault” somehow so I just say I’m sorry all the time. I’m apologising, the customer is apologising, my coworker is apologising, we’re all just so sorry for having to be in a building that isn’t meant to accommodate anyone.

Most of my interactions at work involve me making sure I’m being as accommodating as I can to who I’m speaking with because rarely are people accommodating towards me and I don’t want to make others feel like they’re an inconvenience the way I’ve been made to feel like one. I know by default that something that is easy for one person may not be easy for another person. And if an allistic person cares to think about this at all, it’s so bizarre to me that they assume it means a person is careless, lazy, or irresponsible.

I work retail and talking to people is literally my job, but it’s usually not an issue so long as they fit a social script in my head. Tasks are repetitive which means I learn them fast and perform them fast. When left alone, I resort to tasks I was shown how to do: clean, collect, etc. I follow instructions, ask questions. I’m always told I’m such a “competent, responsible employee” for this, even though 80% of my motivation for doing these things are out of constant fear of hidden consequences if I don’t do exactly as I’m told. And if someone starts saying I’m their favourite closer or the fastest cashier or the most helpful employee, I only get nervous about how disappointed this person would be in me if I showed any ounce of something different if one day I had a shutdown at work.

I wouldn’t know how to tell anyone why sometimes I’m a minute late to work for a few days, or why I lost track of time doing X, why X took me so long, why suddenly I don’t make a lot of conversation, why I suddenly lose ability to multitask, or why I keep making silly little mistakes when I “seem like such a good employee who can stay on top of things.” Sometimes I genuinely don’t know if I’ve done something wrong! There are grey areas of employment and social interaction that will always confuse me no matter what. Instead of taking just a moment to explain something I did incorrectly, or just take 10 seconds to show me how to do something, people right away are predisposed to snapping at you and being rude without so much as a little explaination to help you. And if they’re going to snap at me for a small question, how could I ever bring up something more? When? How? When a customer I’m not understanding is giving me a hard time, do I give into them and give them the discount they wanted and possibly get in trouble or do I call over a manager who is going to scold me for not understanding them?

There doesn’t seem to be a lot of space to discuss being autistic to anyone or time to dismantle stereotypes. I feel like I have to keep putting on a presentation and suppressing parts of myself or force myself to conform to allistic standards that make me uncomfortable while allistic people would never think about accommodating mine. I’ve heard so much offensive language towards autsitic people from basic team members, management, and customers at every job I’ve ever been at. And when something like that is THAT widespread and ingrained to how these people think, where and how do you even begin to address it? Who do you talk to? Who’s to say the person meant to handle these things at work isn’t making R word jokes minutes later?

Every job I get hired at assures me that I will be treated fairly, to the same standard as other employees. But to me, there seems to be something Off about fairness when it comes to performance. The problem is, the model of that standard is often a person who is not autsitic. I see it in the way supervisors walk up to me when I can’t get something to scan. I see it in the way they squint accusingly at me behind their mask if I need something explained more. I see it in the way coworkers have attributed their “stupid mistakes” to being “the r word”. They critisise lack of verbal communication or eye contact, they sigh when things need to be phrased differently, they stand impatiently while you’re trying to figure something out. In the break room, I hear people left and right laughing about or getting irritated over customers who are described as doing some of the things I do. I’ll always remember this one really nice customer who always came into the store and would put her items up on the counter slowly and would talk to you about her day, and I never had a problem with the speed at which she did anything because why would I? I don’t need to rush her, there’s no reason to. But a manager, after she had left one time, mimicked the way she spoke and said she was “the r word”. And I felt crushed.

No matter what a company says, in their eyes, we’re made to feel like the undesired. The inconvenience. The ones holding up lines or turning on the assistance blinkers at checkstands. There shouldn’t be people steaming behind us or snapping to go faster or shouting “Why don’t you understand?? Are you stupid??” I’ve found the discrimation against autsitic people in the workplace is a lot of times in subtlety, and to me it feels like what is being done to me isn’t noticable at first until I realise it’s eating away at me: the glares, the exaggerated sighs, the comments, the derogatory language. I always feel like someone standing outside a window while everyone else is on the inside. That’s what makes this type of treatment so insidious, because convenient for companies, they don’t have anything in their handbooks that protects me from their deeply imbedded practice of equating many traits of my autism with being an unsatisfactory employee. And usually by the time I’ve picked up on it, it’s too widespread for me to even sort out all that’s happened and I’m left feeling like I should just bear it. “Well then the job isn’t meant for you” someone might say. No, capitalist society doesn’t make room for people like me. In fact, I’ve never encountered a job that was meant for me. And I’m tired of having to say I’m sorry for myself and bend over backwards for capitalist “”””we’re a family”””” corporations and the society they’ve infected whom they’ve taught to not give two shits about people like me.

[blu-joons]

Mistranslation ~ Cho Kyuhyun

“She wants to break up, I think it’s over,” Kyuhyun whispered to the other members.

When he arrived off the back of yet another argument with you, they were all quick to tell that something was wrong. However, as he shared the story behind your frustrations and his drunken antics, the last thing any of them expected was for you to have called things a day.

His head shook as he tried to keep himself together with the support of Jeongsu especially beside him. “Are you sure that that’s what she said? She adores you, there’s no way that she would break up with you, surely?” He sighed, resting his hand carefully against the top of Kyuhyun’s shoulder.

His eyes flickered around to look across at his leader, “she didn’t even say it in English, she said it in Korean just to make her point. She said it so I’d definitely understand what she meant. She wanted to break up with me, and now I think we’re done.”

“If she said it in Korean, are you sure she knew what she was doing?” Ryeowook chimed in, “we’ve all made mistakes with the language, especially Y/N from time to time.”

All of the members nodded in agreement as Siwon spoke up, “just the other day I ended up ordering her the complete wrong meal for dinner because she got confused. Maybe that’s what has happened here too, she’s got her phrases muddled up?”

Kyuhyun’s head shook, there was no way that he believed you could have gotten so confused over something so serious. By the look in your eyes and the tone of your voice as you vented to him earlier in the morning, he knew you meant to break up with him, there was no way that you could have made a mistake.

“Why don’t you let one of us speak to her?” Donghae suggested, grabbing his phone out of his pocket, “we could always ask her how she’s feeling, see what she says. She might not have realised what she said.”

“She knew what she was saying, why can’t any of you see that?”

Hyukjae was the next to speak up beside Donghae, “because we’re not angry like you right now and we know what Y/N’s like. Let’s ask her what she meant in English, she what she means when she talks in her native language, then we’ll know how she feels.”

Before Kyuhyun could argue any further, Donghae had called your number and placed you unknowingly on speaker. As he began to ask you if you knew the reason why Kyuhyun had showed up to the studio, you recalled the same events as Kyuhyun had done.

Kyuhyun sat back as he waited for the inevitable to come as you’d tell him how you wanted to break up with him, forcing him to sit through the pain all over again. He wanted to run away from the situation, but all the members kept him in position.

As the end of the story came closer, Kyuhyun cringed into himself, unable to look at any of his members who listened closely to every word that you spoke. You fell silent just before you reached the end of the story causing Donghae to give you a little prompt. “How did you end things?”

“I told him that I thought it was stupid to carry on fighting and that I wanted to make up, but he flew out of the door before we even got the chance,” you sighed, “I don’t get why he left.”

“He left because he’s an absolute idiot Y/N, that’s why.”

You sighed on the other end of the line, “I’m not sure if you’ll see him again today, but if you do, can you just ask him why he left so suddenly, please?”

Donghae quickly said goodbye to you as everyone turned to look across to Kyuhyun. He let go of a sigh, running his hands through his hair in frustration that he hadn’t tried to listen and sort things out rather than running away from a small mistake.

“I’ve messed this up, haven’t I?”

Heechul was the first to shake his head and nudge Kyuhyun’s side. These things happened, all of the boys knew that with you, they’d all had moments of confusion and lack of understanding, but between you both you always managed to work through it.

“Maybe you should head home before she loses her mind,” Heechul suggested, “at least you know now that she didn’t mean to break up, she just wanted to make up.”

Kyuhyun nodded, grabbing his car keys and making his way out of the building and down to the car park, into his car. Whilst you sat at home still clueless as to what was going on, Kyuhyun raced through the streets of Seoul to get back to you at the dorm and make things right.

When the door opened a few minutes later, your questions began to be answered as you spotted the exasperated expression on his face as he ran over to you and threw his arms around you, pulling you tightly into his chest, pressing several kisses against the top of your head.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered repeatedly, “I messed up, I made a huge mistake. Please just tell me that you’re not mad Y/N?”

“About the drinking? I’m past that Kyu.”

“No,” he sighed, moving his hands to your arms to make sure that you were looking at him. “I should have been more understanding, but earlier when you said you wanted to make up, you didn’t. You said you wanted to break up, and I just saw read.”

“Kyu,” you whispered, looking down to the ground, “I would have never meant to say that I wanted to break up with you.”

His head nodded, he knew that, despite your arguments, the two of you were best friends. He should’ve known that you’d never meant to say that to him, he should’ve known that your Korean was still pretty ropey and given you the chance to explain.

“I’m sorry about everything, the argument, walking out, all of it,” he admitted.

Your head shook, moving your hands up to rest against his chest, “I should have been more careful with my words, I shouldn’t have tried to be smart and use terms I’ve not perfected just yet. I get now why you were so desperate to leave this morning.”

“I shouldn’t have walked out like that anyway; I should have tried to fix things rather than just leaving when things were still frosty.”

Your smile softened as his hand pulled your head back up to look him in the eye, “you don’t need to apologise for how you reacted, because I get it. I would have reacted exactly the same way if I thought you wanted to break up with me.”

As you finished speaking, Kyuhyun took a step forwards, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. His hands moved up to cup your cheeks and pull you closer, resting his forehead against your own once he pulled away a few moments later.

“I can’t believe that the boys were right too,” he chuckled.

“Right about what?”

He let go of a loud sigh, “they all told me you’d never mean to break up with me, and I was telling them all how wrong they were. They seem to know you better than I do these days, they knew you’d never do that.”

Your eyes rolled, poking gently against his waist, “you should have listened to the boys too, it seems that they talk a lot of sense. But for the record, breaking up for you has never crossed my mind, not even once.”

“I’m glad, because half an hour ago I really thought we were over,” he whispered, “I’m just relieved you wanted to make up.”

“We were never over, even if you thought we were.”

“I know that now, thank goodness.”

---

Masterlist

[ufonaut]

As an asexual, I've always read Connor as Ace. I don't think this comic infantilized him either, I think it's mature to want to want to be in a relationship to talk to someone and honestly as an asexual we get told what we want is childish a lot because wanting sex is so closely associated with adultness by society.

Music meister works as a villain for me because he's loud and bold while Connor is quiet and not quippy or performative and the whole story is about him trying to find the right words to communicate, which is something he experiences a lot as a character and also something that's difficult for asexuals. I've come out to my mum three times and she still doesn't know what it means. I think there's definitely a way to read that as being about sexuality but it's not what occurred to me until I saw your post.

There's a lot of nuanced conversation which needs to happen around how asexuality fits into queer identity and how we can talk about our identity without further marginalising sexual gay people, but I don't think that labelling people homophobic for enjoying one story which feels authentically about us is helpful. I'm also not saying you're wrong but there has to be nuance and I just really, really don't want things to become more fraught in the queer community than they are already. I know you want to vent about feeling hurt by this story but I think conversation is what we need.

Sorry, I know this probably reads as patronising and I'm sure you're getting all sorts of hate right now so I understand if you don't want to respond to this or if I just make you angrier.

it's not a matter of making me angrier, it's that i sincerely can't be bothered to take this in good faith when you're leaning on the same homophobic talking points the story itself does and the vast majority of ace people on tumblr generally do.

first and foremost, there is no queer community. do not call strangers slurs for the fun of it or, at the very least, do not count me in a group of people you choose to refer to with a slur. to go straight to the heart of the issue though, i don't believe ace people are by default (as in: without being otherwise gay/bi/trans) part of the lgbt community and their experiences run parallel to gay people but are not by any means identical. you are not systematically oppressed for not having sex, end of.

now, let's get into it one by one:

"I think it's mature to want to want to be in a relationship to talk to someone and honestly as an asexual we get told what we want is childish a lot because wanting sex is so closely associated with adultness by society" -- because the rest of us don't talk to our partners and don't enjoy spending time together? it's the phrasing of it (i don't believe anyone over the age of fifteen has ever felt the need to tell someone about their AWESOME DAY over ICE CREAM in those exact words) that infantilizes connor, not his desires, but there's also quite a lot to be said about your immediate leap to assuming you're oh-so-superior for wanting to have a conversation with your partner.

"Music meister works as a villain for me because he's loud and bold while Connor is quiet and not quippy or performative" -- oh, i'm sorry, i didn't realise not a single other preexisting comic book villain is loud and bold. it just had to be a character created specifically for a gay man, huh? a character who does not actually have a single line in this story and exists solely to represent the 'choir' connor is apparently an 'aberration' to?

"I think conversation is what we need" -- no, goodbye forever. take a look at one of the other millions of asks i've answered.

(and for those tuning in late, we're discussing connor's mega homophobic story in the pride special)

[otterskin]

Pet Peeves in Thor Stuff

Inspired by a few posts doing this, so thought I’d vent and get it out here.

1. MCU Loki’s Name

I don’t care what the fan-run wikis say. All the official MCU material, including the text of the actual movies themselves, call him Loki Odinson or, for a brief period, Loki of Asgard. Loki Laufeyson is the name of a character from Marvel comics, and him having that name makes sense for that character’s backstory, which is very, very different from ‘adopted at birth and a late discovery’ MCU Loki. Incidentally, Norse Mythology Loki is not Loki Laufeyson, he’s Loki Laufeyjarson, which is a matronym because Laufey is his mother in most Norse Myths.

Loki in Thor 1 was Loki Odinson, Avengers was Loki of Asgard, and he certainly seemed fond of Odin again in Ragnarok and officially reclaimed the title Odinson in IW. He’s called Odinson over and over again in official Marvel publications such as the illustrated dictionary. Please stop using the wrong name. It’s weird and wrong to assume his name MUST default to his birth-father’s upon discovery of adoption, no matter what he’d been called his whole life. Especially when I think it’s pretty clear that Loki vehemently rejects any relationship with that namesake. He literally murdered Laufey to prove to Odin he had only one father, I don’t know how he could be more clear about his preferences.

And yes, I do think that this invalidates the fan-wikis as good sources of information. If they can’t get a name right, you probably shouldn’t trust anything in the article below it. Stick with canon publications.

2. The Transformation Spell

And heck, while we’re on this page, yes, the spell keeping Loki Asgardian is Odin’s. I don’t mind fanfic that posits a different origin, because hey, we’re just trying to have fun here, do what you want and I’ve probably read a lot of it already - but this is the canon explanation, please stop messaging me to tell me I’m wrong when I say it’s Odin’s spell doing it. Also, the reason it didn’t break when Odin died is because magic can outlive the caster, as Doctor Strange said. This ain’t the Phantom Menace.

(Incidentally, this dictionary is fun and even has entries for Huginn and Muninn!)

3. Step-brothers and Half-brothers are different things and neither is correct for Thor and Loki’s relationship. Nor is Odin Loki’s step-father.

I don’t see this in the Thor Fandom much, it’s more in articles and reviews I’ve read, but it’s kinda appalling how people don’t know the difference between brothers, step-brothers, half-brothers, and blood-brothers. Not being sure who your second cousin twice removed is I get, but I would hope that these are much more commonly understood. Just to get it off my chest, even though I’m sure no-one reading has ever thought different -

Step-brothers are when two unrelated families are joined by marriage. The children share no biological parents, but their parents are married. Unless Odin married Laufey at some point, he is not Loki’s step-father, and Thor is not Loki’s step-brother. (I mean, Odin’s had a long and probably very interesting and mysterious life, so I suppose it’s POSSIBLE he had a real bender at one point, but even if he had a Vegas wedding to the King of the Frost Giants and then decided to throw away the ring as if nothing had happened, the relationship he has with Loki has always been identified as ‘Father’).

Half-brothers are when children share one biological parent, but not two. So unless that bender with Laufey got REALLY crazy, Loki is not Thor’s half-brother either.

Blood-brothers - So some people will use this phrase to refer to people who are related by blood, but that’s sort of an older phrase. However, for most elementary school kids and in the context of Norse Mythology, it has another meaning - two people, unrelated by birth, who undergo a ceremony that involves blood mixing as an oath of brotherhood. Norse-Myth Loki is usually depicted as blood-brothers with Odin (and, in a few rare stories I read, with Thor, instead, but that’s a long story about how Thor was slowly starting to replace Odin as chief patriarch and therefore subsuming a lot of his traits and relationships). However, in the MCU, neither of these meanings currently applies to Thor and Loki. They are not blood related, and they’ve not undergone any blood oath ceremony either (although you can bet your briskets I’d LOVE to see that and it’s been in my general prediction box/wish-list since 2011. Imagine how happy it’d make us to see Thor and Loki choose to have their relationship, rather than feeling like it was Odin’s decision and they’re just living with it.).

Brothers - if in doubt about any brotherly relationship, just say this and you won’t be wrong. Thor and Loki are brothers, or adopted brothers, full stop. So no more step-half-blood nonsense.

And to be clear, if you’re writing fanfic that re-imagines this relationship, this is in no way directed at you. I’m more venting at the dearth of articles, presumably written by university graduates with an English degree, who can’t seem to keep this straight.

4. Brother is a Proper Noun

While I’m on this brother train, a small grammatical note - ‘Father’, ‘Mother’, and ‘Brother’, if being used in place of a name, are proper nouns, which means they’re capitalized.

Ex. “Stop smearing your booger on my shirt, Brother.”

It’s not capitalized if it’s not being used in place of a name, but is simply referring to the noun.

Ex. 2 “My brother once ate a whole goat without noticing it was still alive.”

Ex. 3 “I never knew we had a sister.”

Sorry, sorry - but I see this mistake a lot while I’m reading and I daresay I make it myself all the time!

5. Frigga isn’t perfect

Real talk, one of my least favourite tropes in fiction is ‘Woman on a Pedestal’. I really feel it denies female characters agency if they’re made out to be perfect lovely angels loved by everyone. I’ve read a ton of great fics that explore the flaws Frigga is suggested to have in the MCU but never got the screen time to deal with, and they are some of my favourites. I’ve also read a ton where she’s endlessly patient, wise, righteous, and oh-so-much-better than that heartless Odin or oaf Thor, if only she’d been in charge the whole time, nothing would have gone wrong! It’s a matter of taste and I’d never tell anyone to not write what makes them happy, but I really do think Frigga’s a better character when you engage with her mistakes and oversights and less-than-noble aspects. Women in the MCU have really gotten a short shaft when it comes to character arcs, flaws, and general humanity. Almost all the mothers are on pedestals in it, and with that comes a lack of introspection. Frigga could be argued to be in that category, but at least there is some material to suggest her imperfections that can be exploited. (Unlike Quill and Stark’s mothers, say.)

I leave it up to everyone to interpret the character for themselves, but for me her weaknesses are that she

tends to deflect blame for her choices onto others, particularly Odin.

sometimes acts to smooth things over without really acknowledging hurt, either caused or experienced.

has a manipulative streak and isn’t afraid to leverage her sons’ affection for her to get them to do what she wants, which is often ‘smoothing things over’.

probably spoiled her kids a bit

has an allergy to giant knives

Personally I like these things about her. They come from her life as a peace-maker, both in her role as a politician and a Queen and in her role in the family. She’s loyal, clever, witty, a confidant, and had the best scene in Endgame by a long mile. Frigga is the mom we’ve seen the most of, and I would love to see more in any form.

AH.... that felt good. I might do another post on my problems with how Thor is sometimes portrayed, but that’s a whole other, very personal, thing. Thanks for reading this dumb thing.

[almostkoo]

Sampler Special | Jeon Jungkook

pairings: jeon jungkook x oc

summary: oc is a new worker at a “human buffet” for vampires to feed, jungkook is a new vampire and neither one of them really knows what to do

word count: 1.8k

warnings: unedited borderline crack, language and 1 (one) use of the word sex 

authors note: this is part of my spooktober stories to celebrate this halloween ! i always get so nervous uploading so i’m nervous now but i hope you guys enjoy :]

Standing across from the old brick building you felt intimidated, you wrapped your arms around yourself tighter in an attempt to keep the chilly autumn breeze from slipping further up into the sleeves of your windbreaker. 

Roughly a week ago you vented your frustrations about having no money, one of your classmates and friend Jimin told you about a .. sort of underground eatery of sorts called the Blood Bath. It was a small restaurant that local vampires attended to get their fix. They were looking for more donors to hire and Jimin, who worked there told you they were hiring and gave you the heads up. Naturally, one would be a little worried about letting a vampire feed off them. you’d heard enough scary stories growing up about vampires snapping their prey's necks when they were done feeding, but that’s exactly what it was. You had met a few vampires growing up and they were wonderful people. You couldn’t imagine any of them doing such a thing. 

What's the worst that could happen ?

Taking a deep breath you picked your head up, taking confident strides towards the building. You pushed the door open immediately feeling warm air wash over you. Your eyes scanned the room you stood in which seemed to be a waiting room, behind the front desk stood Jimin, dressed very different than his over sized hoodies and beanies you often saw him in during your shared literature lectures. 

You walked over to the front desk where Jimin greeted you dressed in a black mesh top, his ash blonde hair slicked back and out of the way. 

“You look .. very comfortable.” Jimin stated, giving you the once over, you were dressed in your windbreaker, jeans and crocs. 

Let’s not even get into the worn out Sailor Moon hoodie under your windbreaker.

“Was I supposed to wear something specific?” you asked, Jimin shrugged making a face. 

“I mean you look like you just came from the library doing a study session.” 

“I did, how did you know?” you whispered. Jimin opened and closed his mouth like a fish gasping for water. He took a sigh before shaking his head. 

“You know what never mind, you’ll be good if any of the fresh ones come in tonight. Your relaxed attire might be more refreshing instead of all of this” Jimin gestured to his clothing. “let me just show you where you’ll be this evening.” Jimin walked from behind the front desk. He took you down a hallway full of doors. He stopped in front of one of the doors closer to the end of the hallway and opened it. 

“Here’s where you will be serving tonight.” he said with a smile. The room was dim lit, various cushions and pillows adorned the floor, a brown loveseat was in the corner of the room with a throw on it, tapestries hung on the wall. it seemed very cozy, a little cliche but cozy and comfortable. 

“There’s some incense around here if you wanna burn some. So you can just wait here and I'll escort someone back here when they show up, there’s outlets here too if you wanna charge your phone and relax while you wait.” He stated. You walked in the room taking a seat on the couch. 

“Just a few things before I go. Be careful and set boundaries. Put your guard up and don’t let it down. I’ll be careful who I send back here but keep that in mind.” Jimin winked at you and left the room. You sat on the couch, rigid with perfect posture. You couldn’t allow yourself to relax. You were nervous. You could hear soft music playing from the rooms on the side of you. What was going on in those rooms besides vampires feeding….you had no clue and wanted to remain blissfully ignorant. Your fingers drummed against your legs, pulling your phone out of your pocket you attempted scrolling through Twitter. Nothing new was popping up on your feed. You ended up settling on playing Bubble Witch. After a few minutes and a couple of failed attempts at passing the current level of Bubble Witch you were stuck on, you heard a soft tapping at the door. The door cracked open and Jimin stuck his head in. 

“I have somebody for you.” Jimin opened the door fully and from behind Jimin stood a taller boy, he looked young most likely around your age or should you say he probably was around your age due to the predicament you all were currently in. He had on sunglasses that hid his eyes and under the bridge of his eyes,  a prominent nose that seemed to fit his face perfectly and smaller lips. He was dressed in all black with piercings adorning his ears. “This is Jungkook” Jimin pushed the boy, Jungkook in front of him. Seeing him closer you could see that he was built. “he’s new and you’re new so this should be a pretty good mashup. I explained to Jungkook the rules so everything else is between the both of you. If you need help or any assistance just shout. Hopefully you won’t. I have to go. My favorite customer Taehyung showed up.”Jimin waved as he left. Jungkook stood in the middle of the floor playing with his hands. You looked around the room awkwardly as if you were on camera waiting for a director to yell action.

“So uh are you gonna just stand there all evening or did you maybe want to take a seat?” you offered, shuffling over on the couch so you no longer sat in the middle. Jungkook tread over and sat next to you on the couch, with little to no room between the both of you. You took notice over the lack of heat radiating from him. 

“You’re new to this too? Jimin said that right?” Jungkook asked. 

“Yeah it’s my first night on the job I’m just trying to make some spare money.” you ended with a hum. Jungkook nodded. You saw him push his hands into his front pockets, hunching in an attempt to make himself seem smaller. You sighed in slight annoyance wanting this to be over quick.

“So have you fed from a human before?” 

“Uh, n-no no. I’ve only drank from blood bags that my friend Hoseok gave me. Then the first time, after I changed from a deer. But it was too messy. I didn’t like that so that’s why I’m here.” Jungkook shrugged.

“Okay so how do you want to do this? We got my neck or maybe my wrist? I don’t know what’s better for you or what you want to try.” you asked, waving your hands around awkwardly. Jungkook opened his mouth, hesitating before answering. “Can I try your neck? If that’s okay. I mean I know you said it was but I just-” Jungkook shook his head. “I’m sorry.”he laughed, bashfully. 

“Okay. Promise you won’t roast my sweatshirt.” you said, reaching for your zipper. 

“What’s wrong with it?” “It’s a little childish but it’s my most comfortable hoodie. I didn’t think to get so dressed up for the occasion. I didn’t know what to expect.” 

Jungkook paused before placing his hand over yours that rested against your leg. Rubbing his thumb along the side of your hand.

“Not to be weird or anything but it’s both our first time doing.. something like this. So it’s okay we can both take our time, figure this out and be awkward together.” He smiled softly and you immediately started cracking up. Jungkook's expression shifted into something of confusion pulling away from you. “I’m sorry! It’s not that I’m laughing at you. The way you phrased it made it sound like we’re about to have sex or something. I’m sorry.” you said quickly straightening up. You pulled the zipper down of your windbreaker, showcasing your hoodie. You looked up. Jungkook had taken his sunglasses off revealing big, round bright red eyes. You looked deeply into them before Jungkook turned his head away from your gaze. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I am ruining this. Should I just go back to the front desk and ask for someone else?” he asked. “What just happened to all of that working through the awkwardness together? I just didn’t know your eyes were so uh.. bright .”

“Well I haven’t fed in like two weeks. So I’m kind of hungry.” he mumbled. Realization hit you quick. 

“Well shit let’s get this show on the road. Don’t wanna make you wait any longer. I’ll just tap you if I’m feeling lightheaded.” you pulled the zipper down of your hoodie just a little bit further to reveal your neck and collarbone. Being careful of how low you pulled the zipper down remembering that you didn’t wear anything underneath. Jungkook’s half lidded eyes ran over your neck. You tilted your head to the side, allowing him more access. Your eyes darted down to him, you could see his fangs slightly ghosting above his bottom lip. It was almost like you could feel the thumping of your heart in your ears. You felt a sharp pain that quickly ebbed away. You could feel Jungkook’s lips against your neck as his tongue swiped back and forth over the bite mark and he drank more and more from your neck.

Quickly you felt yourself getting lightheaded as if someone was trying to pull your brain out of head through your ear canal. You started tapping at Jungkook’s shoulder. Before he pulled away from you rapidly wiping away the blood that was around his mouth.

“Are you okay? I didn’t drink too much, did I?” he grabbed your shoulders, holding you forward. Newly brown eyes scanning your face. Man, is he cute. You thought to yourself. “I’m fine, nothing a turkey sandwich and a juice box can’t fix.” you joked. Jungkook didn’t seem to take to your joking mood. He still looked nervous. You patted his side. “Jungkook, I’m serious I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“I feel better. Not as hungry anymore. Maybe that’s nothing a turkey sandwich can’t fix.” he smiled. 

“Maybe .. you know we should get turkey sandwiches together sometime if you want?” you asked.

“In all honesty I’m more of a ham sandwich type of guy myself.”

“Subway has ham, they also have turkey and white chocolate macadamia nut cookies too. So we both win.” you shrugged. 

“How about I give you my number and we can set something up?” he asked. You nodded in agreement quickly exchanging numbers. Jungkook stood up making his way towards the door. 

“Thank you for making jokes and attempting to lessen the awkwardness in the air. I appreciated it.” 

“Thank you for not draining me like a capri sun.” you smiled. Jungkook threw his head back letting out a laugh. 

“I’ll see you later.” he said, exiting the room. You leaned back, finally relaxing back into the couch. Rubbing your neck you thought back to yourself. This wasn’t so bad. So far one person came through and you were still completely intact. The worst case scenario didn’t occur and you ended up with a cute guys number. 

Maybe you could do this again. 

[merakiui]

Hi sorry if I’m bothering but I was just wondering if you had any general headcannons for Nine or the rest of Noctu? Love your writing by the way❤️❤️.

Noctu General HCs (Aitachi, Kirr, Nine, and Day)

🎯 Aitachi 🎯

He’s always training because he wants to become a stronger Soul Reaper. His main motivation for that is you, his encouraging Manager.

Aitachi likes to train alongside you and Kirr. The three of you make a great team and whenever you seem to grow tired he’ll be there with a cold bottle of water and some healthy snacks to revive your energy.

He won’t admit it, but he tends to get embarrassed when he struggles to interact with modern technology properly. He usually learns from the others how to operate his SNS, but he seems to actually listen when he’s getting pointers from you.

He’s Kirr’s hunting buddy. The two of them probably fish together and they’d be happy to go camping with everyone if it’s brought up.

Introduce him to modern television and he’ll fall in love with all of those survival shows. The more outdoorsy, the better!

Aitachi likes to tell you stories of his tribe. If you ask, he’ll be so happy, proudly explaining more about his coming-of-age ceremony and what it’s like to experience life in his tribe.

He’s very awkward with modern language and will often talk in a stiff manner, sometimes using phrases that are commonly spoken within his tribe.

Despite his age and height, he is quite knowledgeable when it comes to survival and the outside world. Although there are many changes he is unfamiliar with, which is usually the always-updating types of technology.

Aitachi struggles to navigate the Internet and sometimes he ends up on the strangest sites with no qualms as to how he got there in the first place. One minute he’s trying to search up images of the land where his tribe lived and now he’s on a website that’s listing nearby properties for sale.

Autocorrect is his enemy and he can never fully wrap his head around those virtual helpers (Alexa, Siri, Cortana, etc.).

🏹 Kirr 🏹

Aitachi is his best friend and closest ally when it comes to anything and everything. He’s eternally grateful to have someone who understands as much about hunting and survival as he does, especially when he feels so lost in the modern world.

Kirr is probably more accustomed to the modern world than Aitachi is, but there are still moments where he struggles to keep up.

He loves to go on nature walks with the manager, but his favorite outing would have to be hunting with them. If they’re not a fan of that, he doesn’t mind a simple stroll through the woods.

He does not understand many jokes, especially those that use Internet slang or texting lingo. He’s especially confused about words like ‘simp’ and ‘pog.’

Kirr definitely enjoys wildlife shows just like Aitachi, but his favorites are usually about how animals hunt. There’s always a glimmer of intrigue in those quiet eyes when he watches a lion stalking its prey.

He’s not the best at communication and will sometimes say something that may give off the wrong impression or cause a misunderstanding. But for the sake of the manager, he wants to always try his best to improve these aspects of himself.

He does not understand flirting at all. Like jokes and the modern world, Kirr has trouble adjusting to these lighthearted tones. If the manager ever flirts with him, it’s usually one-sided and he always appears confused.

Most of the time he’ll accept whatever it is you’re telling him, especially if it’s meant to be nice. But he won’t flirt back or say anything that’s supposed to be funny because he just doesn’t understand it.

If you’re someone who likes puns and jokes, he’ll probably want to learn a little more, if only to understand you whenever you start to joke with him.

He may be serious and not at all as talkative as the other Reapers, but that doesn’t mean he’s unhappy. He’s just confused, but he’s got the spirit!

🎼 Nine 🎼

Nine is always so graceful and polite, which makes him quite the persuasive Reaper. He often finds ways to get Day to do things for him and most of it is under an innocent pretense.

Despite what some may think, he does genuinely care for those he manages to get close to. He trusts the manager and Day the most, but there are still things he won’t tell them.

He’s very good at avoiding conversations that make him uncomfortable and he won’t usually tell someone if they’re crossing a line of discomfort. He’ll just calmly redirect the conversation.

Nine probably enjoys classic literature and poetry from older time periods. He likes to compare it to today’s writing to see what has changed.

He also enjoys classical music of all sorts and will try to replicate his own versions in unique compositions. Music theory and the history of music are topics that also intrigue him, and he likes to pore over information related to that in hopes of learning more to improve his own skills.

Nine’s the type of Reaper you can rant to if you’re ever feeling down, but don’t expect him to vent about own troubles in return. He’ll comfort you to an extent, but it still seems like he’s reserved.

He likes all things peaceful: melodic piano music, zen gardens, calligraphy, and even simple poetry. He would definitely enjoy stargazing because it’s such a calming activity.

There are days when Nine’s lazy side shows and as a result of this he’ll get Day to do his tasks for him. He’s very clever when it comes to slipping away from patrols and Day’s often left with two times the amount of work.

Nine hides most of his true feelings behind a passive smile and only ever vents through his compositions, which he only shows to those he truly values.

He is surprisingly good at reading the atmosphere in a room and knows how to quell an uncomfortable mood.

🍦 Day 🍦

You’ll never see him sad unless it’s something truly serious and dire. Day is always a constant ray of sunshine like Ell.

He’s very carefree and casual, wanting to be friends with everyone in the 14th Department. Once he believes he’s made friends with someone, he’ll be willing to do anything for that person.

Day is like a huge puppy. He gets excited easily and loves being around people. There’s never a dull moment with him.

He loves to bake with Nine and the manager, as they are his two favorite people in the whole world. Day often feels incomplete without them by his side and he loves to help them whenever he gets the chance.

Day doesn’t like to see the bad sides in people and will focus on their positive qualities instead. He believes that everyone can get along if there’s a happy environment and good food!

He’ll get upset if he finds that his Soul Reapers aren’t getting along and will even cry if anyone acts particularly mean towards him or his friends.

Day loves emoticons, especially the cute and happy ones. He feels like he can fully express himself with a few emojis and he’s probably the type to spam text messages, most of which aren’t actually coherent sentences but just strings of emojis.

Another thing he loves about the manager is when they help him when he’s in distress! Sometimes he’ll trip if he’s running too fast and as much as the injury may hurt everything feels better the minute his manager bandages it. He’ll be even happier if they pretend to kiss it, promising that it’s a charm for faster healing.

When he’s with Kati, chaos and trouble ensues, as the both of them are far too energetic to contain.

He wants to try making his own ice cream with Nine and the manager, but he can never wrap his head around the process.

[weraceasone]

Hi Elle (and anyone who reads this)!

This is going to be a long ask/rant so get your snacks and drinks ready (sorry in advance)

What does it mean to be a “real man” or how does one act like a real men? I’m really confused. Yesterday I tweeted that I love seeing the new generation of F1 drivers being friends and complementing each other and even hang out together outside of racing. All of a sudden I get a couple of tweets of people being mad about what I said: “they should act like real mean instead of showing their soft side everytime.”

So I asked one of them on Twitter: what do you mean by they should act like a real man? To this question I got a lot of ignorant answers like: They should man up, stop being shy, handle criticism like a man and stop crying about negative comments. (PS: What’s wrong with being shy?)

I’m half Dutch (hallo daar!) and I know that in our culture we can be very straight forward and honest (maybe too honest). We can also be very critical but what’s wrong with showing your REAL emotions when a comment hurts you? F1 drivers have a lot of pressure like we all know and of course it’s a hard world (bla bla bla) but that not an excuse to kick them when they’re down.

Seeing drivers being disappointed or even sad about their race or the comments people make on the internet does not make them less of a man (whatever that means). I mean how would you feel if almost everyone on social media is clowning you or laughing at your results? Ignore it?? St some point it’s impossible to ignore it when it’s presented right in front of your face. We put way too much pressure on these boys. At the end of the day they are human beings with real feelings.

When I see people hate on a certain driver it makes me so sad. You can be critical, nothing wrong with that, but let it be constructive criticism, something they can use to better their driving skills. But things like “you suck as a driver” “you don’t deserve to be in F1” is in my opinion mean. Look how people treat pay drivers. I think it’s disgusting how they talk about them.

I really hope that in the near future the F1 community will talk more about this topic and mental health since FIA wont do shit about it. It’s very important because the way some of us are ralking about these drivers can cause some serious damage to their mental health. Isometimes have to check myself when I talk negative about a driver.

Speaking on mental health actually applies to any sport and not just F1.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. This was weighing on my heart and I had to vent about it lol. I know this is all over the place but I hope that you and anyone who is reading this will get what I mean and I'm very curious what you think about this.

Ik wens je alvast een gezond 2021! ✨

hey Anon!

you know… lots of men have been angry with me on the internet before. one time somebody screenshotted a post of mine that pointed out the differences between people on Twitter reacting to Kimi’s radio messages and people on Twitter reacting to Lewis’ radio messages, and that person put it on Twitter without my permission and without my context. I had to read through hundreds of tweets calling me all sorts of degrading words and everything they insulted me with somehow always came back to me being a girl. it was the core of every insult they wrote. and you know, it’s funny until it isn’t. it’s funny until I decide; “this is going too far, and this is where I draw the line”. yet, I told myself to be thankful because it is nothing like it could be. I am thankful because they don’t actually know who I am, or where I live. I am thankful because I guess those men are good men, after all. they are good men because even though they said all those things, I know they will not act on it. they are good men because even though they just dehumanized me for being a girl with an opinion, they will still kiss their unknowing wives goodnight and they care for their daughters in a way they one day didn’t even believe was possible themselves.

when a driver shows even a sliver of emotion it’s “girly” or “he’s acting like a woman”, because apparently there’s nothing worse than being a girl. I remember Ziggo Sport making fun of Lando’s laugh because “he sounds like a girl”. however, the comparison with a woman is never made in a positive way, because being a woman is a pitiful state of being for these people. yet the phrases “be a man” and “grow a pair” will always refer to a state that we should aspire to be in.

and when I dare to write about it; I am the eternal man-hater. I am a man-hater, because pointing something out and the only conclusion being sexism, is my fault. it is my fault that writing about women in motorsport will somehow always end up on the topic of sexism. it is my fault that not writing about it, is somehow still writing about it. but the truth is; I don’t blame these men for the things they were told, I blame them for not looking beyond that. I blame them because I know the things they say on the internet will somehow always find a way to translate back to real life and I already feel sorry for the kids who will get their dad a tie or shaving cream or a fishing kit for father’s day, for Christmas, for every single birthday, because they never made a true emotional connection with him, because that’s stupid and unnecessary. I blame them because they don’t realize that the things they write, the thoughts they share; do have an impact on the people around them. I blame them because ever since I have gotten into this sport, there’s always a voice in the back of my head telling me that I don’t know enough, that my opinions aren’t good enough, because I’m a girl and I’m a girl and I’m a girl.

being an F1 driver isn’t easy, especially in this day and age where you don’t just have to deal with the pressure of being and staying in the team, but also with the unwarranted for opinions from people all over the internet, who think showing emotion is synonymous with being weak. but, at the end of the day; why do we watch this sport? would we still watch if it weren’t for the joy we get out of it? where would we be as fans, if we didn’t hope for the best? why are we only allowed to talk about the happy emotions?

the things we say on the internet, the thoughts we put out there; they always find a way to plant certain thoughts into our minds. and I’m not asking for anybody’s sympathy, because I can care for myself. I can braid my hair and neatly fold my clothes and I let myself sing off-tune and I let myself have an opinion on this sport, regardless of those men on the internet. but the thing is; the way we are online, is a reflection of the real world. if there’s never a man who dares to talk about his feelings; I will keep crying at videos of men doing nice things and your daughters will too. we will see a man quitting his job to be with his kids, a man speaking out about feminism, a man cooking dinner for his family and we will all keep on saying “you know, he doesn’t have to. he doesn’t have to”. because somehow, they never have to.

(I’m sorry this basically turned into a rant, Anon. this is also the longest answer I have ever written. it was a whole page long in Word. ik wens jou ook een gezond 2021, en allemaal fijne en leuke dingen🧡)