#sorry just as someone whos experienced this pain since I was around 7 years old maybe younger

[artheresy]

Hmm, I’m so tired, but I’m happier today :]

[theamberwizard]

i’ve been thinking about black widow and the red room recently, as one does, and i’ve got a lot of thoughts about the effects of the red room on widows who’ve escaped. couple things, just before i begin: i would recommend having watched black widow before this because there are implied (?) spoilers, i use way too fancy language while i write and i don’t have an editor cause this is mainly to catch her off guard, so, uh, whoops sorry

trigger warnings: TW: child abuse TW: restricted eating/starving yourself TW: dehumanization TW: death of a child

so yeah, enjoy my list of 10 personal headcanons about how the red room fucks you up on all the levels.

1) black widows cannot sleep in. like, they wake up at 5:00 am every day. it’s not a physical thing, at least not as far as they know, because they can negate that by just going to bed two hours or less before 5:00 am just from their lack of sleep. if, however, they go to sleep at a fairly normal hour they will, like clockwork, wake up at 5:00. this stems from them doing it every single day of their life since they got indoctrinated in the red room. if they didn’t wake up at 5:00 am ready for more training or missions, for any reason, they would be tortured. sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. eventually, all the widows would get that message. they still can’t shake it. because of that, natasha will often refuse to go to sleep at a normal hour, trying to force her body into submission, trying to rid herself of the painful memories that accompanied sleep and waking up afterwards. only clint knows why, because each day in that vent, natasha would snap up at 4:00 am. she had to explain to him that she just wasn’t accustomed to budapest time, and that actually, it was 5:00 am in russia.

2) for months after escaping the red room, widows practically cannot eat. in the red room, they were fed mushy messes of meals, filled with only the necessary nutrients that they absolutely had to have to survive. most widows can only get down one meal, maybe even a snack if they push it, until they throw it all up. they have to slowly eat slightly more each day for weeks until they can get down a normal intake of food. even then, it’s hard to push that, and every widow relapses into throwing up in those early stages. however, this isn’t normally a problem for most widows until a couple weeks into their life with freedom. that’s about the time that they make an acquaintance, who will eventually pluck up the courage to ask them why every time said friend will eat near the widow, the widow will lean over and whisper: “careful, that’s your whole ration today and i don’t want to do extra training.”

3) each “class” of widows had an extra mentor teacher in their early red room years. this was an older widow, someone who’d been falling behind in her recent missions, and with a look that the red room deemed “motherly”. their sole purpose was to be the person each widow got attached too, the parental figure. they were nice, they were helpful, they taught many different basic techniques. then, one day, the red room would have another older widow, (one already introduced to the children as the metaphorical “bad cop” of this scenario) come in and inform the mentor that she had failed her latest mission and proceed to, in front of thirty eleven year-olds, shoot the mentor. the mentor widow would not die that day- the red room refused to waste such a weapon- but the class of up incoming widows would be informed that she had. the official purpose of this exercise was to demonstrate to both the trainees and the trainer the consequences of failing a mission. the unofficial purpose? that would be the last psychological effects the mentor’s “death” would have upon the class, making them learn what happened to attachments in the red room. the day natasha’s class experienced this was the day she cut off all contact with her sister. the day yelena experiences this is the day she first another widow- because yelena killed that mentor with her own bare hands before the informant ever finished the announcement.

4) towards the start of the red room’s history, there were several attacks on the red room. the first ever attack was from a local police station who had been getting complaints of loud wailing, and, upon further investigation, realized what they were dealing with. they brought several other police and militia groups from nearby towns. the immediate action that was taken was to throw the littlest girls they had at the attackers. it stopped the police in their tracks, obviously, because you really don’t expect to come across thirty little girls while searching through a building of highly trained assassins. the red room then sent their fully trained widows and killed everyone. including the girls. the red room then found that footage from their cameras (because of fucking course they have cameras) and then showed it to the next batch of widows, just to show them how disposable they were.

5) yelena and natasha almost caused a whole fucking mutiny within the red room just because of their names. in the red room, you see, widows do not get names. they instead are bestowed with numbers, and even those are a twisted class ranking. they all wore little name tags with the numbers on them until came natasha and yelena came in. yelena, having just seen her mother get shot, complied almost immediately and was addressed as number 42. on the other side of that coin you have natasha, who had already been in the red room and remembered every gruesome detail, and went “fuck you my name is natalia.” upon hearing of this (word gets around fast in the red room. every girl must know they are being listened to at all times, and no secrets can be kept from the red room,) yelena too announced her name to the class.

6) this was met with blanching from every child in that class, because how on earth can you be called by a word? no, they thought, we are numbers, we are weapons, we are not people and we cannot have our own words, for we are not worthy. but secretly, internally, they wished for a name. slowly, they began piecing syllables together until they formed a coherent name, and for the first time in the red room’s long history, they didn’t have weapons. not anymore. they have two full classes of human little girls. the red room officials heard of this, obviously, and took to the only method they had now. violence. the classes were rid of the named girls, yet natasha and yelena were kept alive. they were kept alive to be ostracized, to be the girl the others pointed at and said “she’s the reason all my friends died.” they were kept alive so they could watch the carnage they had unwittingly caused just by saying their own names. and the worst part? well, the worst part was when the teachers accounted for those kills, and made them top of the class. yelena will never forget the day the teachers stood her and her sister up in front of all the widows-in-traning and told them what a good job they had done, how those tactics were sure to help them graduate. i mean, you’re practically a shoo-in if they rest of your class was killed by your school.

7) the red room could never fully stop the names, and so they decided to make a system, and the names would be the highest reward. they told the young, impressionable girls that while maybe outsiders such as natasha and yelena got names at birth, you had to earn them here. if you are to become a spy, you will take on the name of you very first official alias. if, instead, you become an assassin, you will take on the name of your very first official kill. of course, in reality, the widows couldn’t actually address each other with their new earned names, and instead used “team leader” or other such titles. but it became a small comfort for them, thinking of themselves in third person, with their very own names. in some small part they weren’t fully weapons anymore, no, they were people again. natasha took on the name natalia, because in her mind that life in ohio had been her first mission, even if she hadn’t known it. yelena took on yelena as well, but in her mind that little girl in ohio who was sitting in the backseat, caring only about which song they played, that girl had to have been yelena’s first true kill.

8) the names system worked well in the red room, but when you escaped it caused some serious problems. most would have to announce themselves to the russian government, saying they had been flying under the radar their whole life and never became registered. then, they’d give a non-russian name, and their whole ruse would fall apart. unfortunately, this was the least of their problems, because many a widow would someday meet a relative of their very first kill, and when they introduced themselves as the person they had killed all those years ago, the families and friends would often figure them out.

9) one of the biggest parts of the red room’s brainwashing was their little catchphrases they used. ironically, a lot of them were eerily close to boy scout mottos- “be prepared,” an iconic scout motto, versus “there is no safety, only preparedness,” the most frequently used phrase within the red room. when widows then escaped, the most small phrase could set them off. some unknowing widows even adopted little boys in their new lives, who often became boy scouts. the ensuing misery is something you can imagine yourself.

10) after clint helped natasha to escape, she immediately died her hair blond.  clint asked why, of course, and she didn’t tell him. (what, you thought i’d have another cute clintasha moment? never.) this was partly because she hadn’t admitted it to herself, though, because natasha couldn’t remember her sister without remembering all the suffering that came with her.

11) when the widows were smaller, more susceptible to the conditioning, the red room would stage infiltrations. older widows, ones who were closer to retirement, would come in in different uniforms, sometimes the uniforms of UN officers or local police, sometimes different organizations, all different types. the most recent uniforms made yelena sick looking at them, because each time the older widows would pretend to be the avengers there would also be one pretending to be her sister. each time she saw the fake natasha she wanted to break that widow’s neck because that’s not how my sister tilts her head, you’re doing it all wrong. you should be doing it like this, you shouldn’t be doing it at all, i should be doing this, i know my sister. each time those exact thoughts went into her head, and each time all she really wanted was for her sister to be there, for natasha to do her little head tilt upon seeing yelena and take her hand and say “you’re safe now, i promise,” and for natasha to be telling the truth. the only problem was that deep down inside herself yelena knew that this could never actually happen while yelena was still in the red room, because while yelena was still in the red room she knew that she would look at natasha telling her she was safe and tell her in return that there was no safety, only preparedness, and then murder her sister in cold blood.

[lovee-infected]

hello! I read your post where you clarified your opinion on the character of Malleus and to be honest I really appreciated it! I agree with what you say and I have to congratulate you for the detailed analysis!! May I ask (if of course that doesn't bother you) what do you think of Leona's character instead? I ask because I think (like malleus) that some fans have not fully understood the complex personality of this character and I would like to understand more of it too. Thank you :3

Hello dears! First off, thank you very much for your sweet compliments and glad to hear that you enjoyed my Malleus analysis!

To be honest, I think that being mischaracterized isn't the main problem with Leona, the main problem is that not many actually try to give his character a deeper and detailed look which makes us lose a bunch of interesting facts and points about him and his personality. Leona's design is quite brilliant and I guess we all need to take a moment to go through those interesting details in order to understand that he's way greater than we were expecting!

I mainly talked about some possibilities of how he's mischaracterized in part (1),(2) and (12) and in the rest of the parts, we'll be talking about more specific facts and details about his personality that are often ignored.

1) Let Leona be Leona

The simplest yet the most important part to begin with. While we all understand that he has indeed gone through a hard time throughout his life as the second prince and an often ignored child of his family, it's important to realize that this isn't going to change anything about his dark personality.

Accept it, this is just the way he is. He doesn't mind being reckless, doesn't care if he's annoying at the time, doesn't care if anyone likes what he's doing or not, and doesn't see any need to excuse himself for being so.

He's surely got a painful background to go through which him have the right for being so now, but this isn't telling us that he's still a little kitten. Leona is an adult now and considering him to be a soft boy inside who just needs attention and love is totally against the way he actually is. He isn't a child who can sometimes misbehave, he's a grown-up man. He knows what he's doing and how others may think of him because of his reckless actions. This is just how he wants to be, so let Leona be Leona. But I'm not saying that he's gotten to this point for no reason, this claim will be clarified in part (2) and (3).

2) Do not try to excuse his jerky nature

This is somewhat of a continuation of what discussed back in the first part, keep that in mind that this, is just the way Leona is. Saying that he's a cute kitten who just needs more attention and love, and that he'd be a totally different person by just having someone to support and confront him is surely an adorable headcanon, but it doesn't really suit him.

Or another way of this, saying that Leona may often come off as rude but he doesn't mean to, and he holds a kind and soft heart behind that cold and rough personality.

Look, not all characters are supposed to be kind and good inside. Some are specifically designed to present a cruel and rude personality because this is just the way they are, so trying to excuse his nature is nothing different from trying to change his official design. Leona's past life took on an important role in shaping his personality, but it isn't like he's still a 5-year-old child who'd be calmed down if you talk to him.

His current self, is a result of his past and his personal decisions at the moment; as an adult he knows how to handle his personality and behaviors, and he doesn't seem to really care about what others may think of him now. Both him and the others know that he can be much of a jerk at the time, and the point is: He doesn't mind being so.

3) Leona's childhood has seriously effected his personality and life

While his current personality isn't such a thing that can be changed if you just show him some love and attention, keep that in mind that no one is born evil.

What happens when you're supposed to playing and having fun as child but instead you're working your hardest training everyday to master your magic? And even worse, what if all those months and even years of hardworking result in nothing but your family and people's fear and hatred towards you?

He was just a child, and even if he wasn't going to be the next King he needed to be noticed and paid attention to. He needed his family to be at least proud of him and his powers, but all they did was to leave him on his own because all they saw was an angry kid yet no one ever cared to calm him down-! He might've be raised in a castle, yet there are many things he needed more than wealth and money.

As a child he needed attention and motivation, but since almost everyone around Leona failed him on it, this need of his was never fulfilled and as the result, this part of him would always remain as a child.

He still enjoys attention and being phrased like he enjoys nothing, yet it's not like that's enough to change anything about him. It might've been possible to change him in the past, but now, it's useless. He can no longer be easily effected and changed like a child can be.

4) He is telented and confident

Some may think that self-esteem is a problem of his: "Why he recognize that he's already really powerful?" "Doesn't he know that if he stops procrastinating he will achieve the success he's been always wishing for?" "Why is he always comparing himself to the others instead of recognizing his own telents?"

The answer to all these questions and similar ones is: He knows. He knows that he's talented and strong, he knows that just because someone like Malleus is standing higher than him doesn't mean that Leona is weak, and he knows that he can work way harder than he already is.

We'll talk about his procrastination in part (8) but for now, let's focus on his very own opinions about himself. None of us can exactly tell how much he can do and how talented he truly is, because while Leona is totally aware of his own abilities, he doesn't care to use or show them.

In fairy gala, for example, he turned out to be skilled with posing and walking when Vil pushed him into taking the work seriously, but in the end he just did it to get rid of Vil though he could've done it all in the first place! He did know how to pose, how to walk and how to be one hell of a super model without Vil learning him much about it, yet he didn't show the smallest sign of having the ability and knowledge in!

And when he did it, he was sure that everyone would be impressed, and they were! Though he might sometimes be cocky about it he's sure that if he decides to take something seriously, it'll end up in the highest of quality and the best of result, because Leona knows how to get the best of it.

So next time that you see him not wanting to do anything, know that it isn't anything about him lacking confidence or underestimating his own brilliance, he just doesn't care to show it. And at some point, it may even be because he thinks no one really deserves to get his best. He isn't cheap. He knows that he can do it. He just doesn't want to.

5) He was thought manners

Other than respecting ladies, there's a lot about him that shows his maturity and nobility. Leona is indeed real prince, but doesn't care to show it. With that being said, know that he can go from 0 to 100 in a matter of second, just like he did in Fairy Gala and turned into the prince who stole hundreds of hearts.

The thing is unlike Malleus, he doesn't feel the need to act like the royalty he is, most likely because of the same reason we previously discussed: He doesn't think that anyone is worthy of getting that side of him. He can act like a prince, but doesn't see a need to do so. In summary it's more of a: "Yes, I can be just perfect, but you won't deserve it anyway,"

Give Leona the motivation to reveal that hidden side, and you'll see how it'll impress you. Keep that in mind that we don't even know how stunning he can be when he is serious.

6) He is different from the rest of the NRC

One of the most important facts about him which is often ignored, come on! There're too many things that separate him from the rest of the students but are rarely paid attention to.

First off, unlike many of other students, Leona is an adult, and he's been one ever since he was a first grader. The importance of age explains a lot about one's personality, especially when it comes to a school.

While other students, especially 16 years olds like Ace and Deuce, still have a lot to go through to and are much and less open to learning a new thing from experiencing like they're just doing now, Leona is the least likely (Except Lilia) to face those character developments through his 4 years in NRC because he's already gone through them back in his 16s and 17s.

Even his overblot had the least effect on him and unlike Riddle who tried to come up with a rather softer personality and make a difference in his new self, Leona did nothing but to walk off and even during chapter 3 in which Savanaclaw helped MC to defeat Octavinelle, he didn't treat MC any kindlier than before.

His attitude is already shaped as it is, and since he's no longer a teenager it might be really hard to be changed. This is probably the biggest difference between him and the rest of the students in NRC; his personality is rough and almost impossible to be changed now.

7) He loves to be praised

Remember that we talked about that part of him remaining a child? His love for receiving compliments is a result of it.

Though he doesn't need anyone to bring any of his gorgeous features to his attention, he just wants to see people recognize them and beg him to show them more.

If you walk up to him and say how attractive or powerful he looks he'd probably answer you with either an "I know," or an "Of course I am,".

During his Fairy Gala voice lines he once said: "Sorry, I'm used to compliment," which can be defined into some interesting facts about him.

Since Jack too mentioned that he entered NRC because he looked up to Leona as his role model, we can assume that Leona is more than just a forgotten second prince back in his hometown. And since he said that he's used to compliment, it might be that he's already famous and admired by his fans as he already is.

But just as we said, compliment is something he enjoys receiving in general; it isn't going to effect him in any special way that might change anything about his personality.

It can't be said that he'd ever mind having someone around to phrase him though, he's more of an "Phrase me and don't stop" type and it isn't something that he'd ever reject unless it turns into something annoying.

8) There's a rather interesting stories behind his lazy nature

This one is rather important, Leona doesn't sleep because he's always tired or sleepy in general. And you need to know that Leona's sleeping issues are totally different from someone like Silver's!

Silver literally can't control his sleeping issues and that's how he's often found asleep in weird places but doesn't even know how he suddenly falls asleep while Leona, can stay awake by his own will whenever he wants to, he's just doesn't want to.

In contrast to a rather common belief on Leona being extremely lazy, he can actually be really hard working at the time. This guy had been through some extreme training as a child, therefore he can do way harder now that he's an adult. Sleeping is literally his way of saying "I don't care", so whenever he's got nothing interesting or worthy of staying up for, he goes back to sleep.

If we give it a psychological look sleeping too much often happens to people whose lives have no specific goals, they're neither motivated nor interested to stay awake if they've got nothing to do so -> Sleeping is the best thing they can do. You can tell that Leona sort of lacks motivation in general, because this considerably lazy lion is the same person as the one who's already working his ass off to prepare for the magic shift tournaments.

In the end, all that matters is what he desires. He's also pretty obsessive with his goals so when he wants something, there's nothing to hold him back from doing anything to achieve his goal. He wants it, he gets it.

9) Leona can be childish, but he isn't a child

We previously discussed why his childhood has effected his personality and now, you may wonder how it's effected him. A child's crucial needs are necessary to be fulfilled during their childhood because they. But even as those needs aren't taken care of, they would remain as holes inside the child's personality, because they're necessities which the child's character will always lack. This is much and less of what I meant by saying that this part of Leona always remains a child.

We talked about how he loves to be praised and appreciated, but now let's think of another example that can reveal that wild child. At nearly the end of Octavinelle's chapter, he was literally acting like a big bad boy taking candy (contract) from a baby (Azul). It's not just that, we can tell that he somehow enjoys bullying and teasing others in general. He won't even take it easy on his close friends like Ruggie or Jack, as he repeatedly insulted Jack back in chapter 2 & 3 and was even close to killing Ruggie in chapter 2.

Leona wants to feel powerful, and to be treated like a King. That's why he sometimes enjoys ordering others like Ruggie around all though he knows that before everything, Ruggie is his friend and deserves to be treated better.

He didn't have many friends as a child, therefore he doesn't really get to be a the perfect friend that his allies might deserve now. It's something rather hard to change about him, but those who know and care for him would certainly understand him and know that this is just the way he is, just like Jack and Ruggie are doing now. They could've left him all alone instead of staying by his side all the time, yet they continue to support and be there for him because they do care for Leona.

10) For now, Malleus is the Mufasa of his story

This one's pretty interesting, I really appreciate the creativity used in this design. We all know that Leona's creation was inspired by Scar from 1994's Lion King, therefore I'm pretty sure that almost all of you are familiar with Lion King's famous tragedy:

As the result of Mufasa's reign over the past few years, hyenas had been living in hunger and dread, there wasn't much food left for them to hunt and they didn't dare stepping into Mufasa's territory either. So Scar decided to take advantage and convinced hyenas that their hard and pitiful lives is Mufasa's fault as the King. He gained their attention and support to help him bring down the King, and promised them the wealthiest of lives where they'll never go hungry again in return. And that's how his plan to kill his own brother succeeded.

Now try to use the same plot in twst, but how is it possible? You may think that it must be with Farena Kingscholar because, Mufasa was also Scar's brother, but there's a problem: Farena isn't in NRC.

We don't know what is going to happen in the future storyline where we might get to face a real legacy between Leona and Farena, but for now, he needs someone in the Night raven College itself to play the role of that special rival so he can present his inner villain. And who would that special rival be? Malleus Draconia.

Now think about what happened in chapter two:

Savanaclaw had been the winner of magic shift tournament for decades until Malleus Draconia entered NRC. His iconic magic skills and horrifying powers led to Diasomnia's championship over the last two years. Savanaclaw is pissed off because they literally can't do anything against him and Leona on the other hand is so mad, (This point would be discussed in the next part) and can't stand Malleus wiping the whole Savanaclaw out for a third year. To top it off, he knows that if this happens again, Malleus would find his way to NRC's hall of fame. So Leona convinces the whole Savanaclaw that it's unfair to the rest of the NRC to lose the chance of revealing their talents and using their skills because of Malleus, and asks them to help him bring Malleus down therefore not only Savanaclaw would have a chance to win again, but also the rest of the students will actually have an opportunity to join a fair battle against each other.

See? This is JUST how Scar used Hyenas' weakness against them to make them pave the way for him and bring his enemy down. But the most interesting part is, it didn't end up in victory like Scar's plan did!

11) His relationship with Malleus has a lot to tell

Some may wonder just how does he think of Malleus? What is the feeling is even supposed to be? Is it jealousy? Hatred? Confusion? But I'm not going to talk about how he exactly feels. Instead, I want to talk about why he's feeling so.

First off, you need to know that Malleus and Leona are two sides of the same coin. They're both princes, they come from well known familiesband they're both great and often feared magicians but, there are some big differences:

Malleus would soon be the King, is among the greatest magicians of the world, is respected and well-known throughout the whole Twisted Wonderland and always finds his way to be the number one in anything that he's involved in.

The big difference between Leona and Malleus is that Malleus has gained everything that Leona always wished to have, he achieved them and Leona failed to do so. Malleus presents the picture perfect Leona thad he'd always wanted to be, and that's why Leona can't stand him.

It's not like he can be blamed for feeling so though, even the thought is painful. Imagine knowing that someone just like you exists in this world which has got everything that you once wanted, just why should it be so? Why should Malleus be the one to have them and not Leona? Isn't this life just too unfair...?

And the most irritating part about this is that Malleus doesn't feel the same way. Leona considers him to be his greatest enemy yet Malleus doesn't even consider Leona a rival. Malleus is always calm while Leona rushes to him which again is annoying, as if he doesn't take Leona seriously at all and this is driving Leona crazy.

That's why he can basically do anything just to make Malleus frown at least, he doesn't care if he's okay himself or not because all he wants is Malleus not to be okay. Another annoying fact about it is that it's really hard to insult or use anything against Malleus because he's just...too perfect. Even Leona won't dare underestimate his powers because he knows that it'll end in no good. He's basically looking for each and every possible detail about Malleus to use against him.

Just like how he did back in Malleus's SR robes story. He couldn't use anything better than telling Malleus that he'll never be invited and making fun of his horns to insult him. It's so annoying when you want to torture someone so badly but you just have nothing useful against them. He is ready to do everything to make Malleus angry, to make his calm and respectful expression disappear and finally take Leona seriously as his rival and enemy.

I'm sure that Leona doesn't know anything about Malleus's tamagotchi otherwise he would've told the whole school about it by now.

12) He isn't one to easily fall in love or to be effected by anyone

Many of the previous parts can reason this point, we talked about his personality, why it's so hard to change anything about him and how we should let Leona be Leona. But still many wonder if he can still fall in love? And the answer is: Yes. Leona as well can fall in love but it isn't necessarily easy.

Leona isn't used to letting people in and accepting that he needs them in life, which is why a relationship with him can have a pretty slow development.

In the first place, it'll take a rather long time for him to first trust someone let alone accepting them as a friend. He's pretty hard to approach you see, mostly because he often wants to be left on his own. He doesn't want to desire or need anyone and doesn't think that he'll ever need any other beings except for the times when he wants to get his room cleaned or have his meal prepared.

Love is something odd to him and it takes a very long time for him to actually feel it. You might think that he won't get it when someone loves him to the point of having to slap and shout: "Can't you see that I'm flirting with you..!??", but he's actually the total opposite. Note that he's pretty smart and would quickly realize it when someone's even staring at him, so nothing would be easier than telling if someone if having a crush on him. But he'd pretend that he doesn't know.

He doesn't really care what others feel about him and even as one loves him, he sees no reason to love them back. Whoever his lover is, they need to be really really patient with him because they must prove him that they aren't giving up this easily. He'd most likely try to tell you off and make you hate him multiple times, it really confuses him to see someone not letting go of him despite knowing how cold and mean he can be. He isn't a stray cat that would that would have his heart melted if you give him some head pats or treat him nicely, gaining Prince Leona's attention is no easy.

Even as he falls in love, it isn't going to totally change everything about him, so we can't expect him to let go of each and every poor manner of his because some of them are basically linked to the way he is in general.

He'd be different though, he tries to be more respectful and charming toward the one he desires, but as a lover he's often the: "Shut up and kiss me" type. He'd still be into teasing, but not in a humiliative way. He just enjoys messing with the people he likes so it's more of his way to play with his darling and showing admiration!

Beware though, if he falls in love, his darling would be his new goal, and he'd take no effort in making his darling his and only his. If he wants the darling, it must be him and only him who will get to have them. Just as much as it's so rare of him to actually reach the level of loving someone, know that he'll be so dangerous when he's serious about it. He won't be messing around when it comes to love.

I can keep talking about him all day but this has already gotten really long and I don't want it to get boring or any longer to read- I must admit that Leona's charater is quite interesting to study and the amount of details about his personality is surely fascinating!

[heliotropehotch]

glorious thorn (shrike pt.2) a.h. x gn!reader

request by @wanniiieeee : hiiii! i love your shrike (aaron hotchner x reader) so much! 🥺 can i request for a part 2 of it with fluffy ending?

a/n: i almost didn't wanna do this request??? im a sucker for fluff but shrike was my favorite piece i've done, like ever, across both blogs (and it was ANGST) but i like this almost as much. i'll be writing my first smut on here soon!

PART ONE

MASTERLIST

author: abby <3

words:

cw: explosion, bombs, injury, anger, confessions, cheesy hozier references

Their phone began to ring as their flashlight glazed over the interior of the empty house. “Y/L/N,” they answered, eyes making contact with Reid.

“Y/L/N,” Hotch’s panicked voice echoed out. “You have to get out of there now. You and Reid both. We’re on our way there now.”

They stopped in their tracks, eyes widening with realization. They repeated the words the unsub had left on the last crime scene. “You can never go home.”

“Y/N,” his voice almost cracked. “Please, get out of there it’s rigged to blow.”

They didn’t bother to end the call before they yelled at Spencer, who was standing by the front door. “Spence! Run, get out!”

Y/N’s body chased after his, a few feet behind him in paces. In the corner of their eye, they saw the familiar shape of the SUV’s. Feet met the driveway as they heard a click, and the rush of heat and air against their back. Spencer fell forward, landing on his knees and elbows in the impact. Y/N’s body was thrown forward, collapsing heavy against the hard ground.

Aaron only heard a rush in his ears as he watched their body fall to the ground unconscious. He felt like he couldn’t move fast enough, like lead weighed down his legs. He was conscious of his mouth moving, barking orders for emergency response teams.

He kneeled by their body, shaking hands checking their pulse, a heavy sigh releasing from his lips. His hands slid to their cheeks, tapping gently in an attempt to wake them.

“Y/N,” He said softly, pleadingly. “Wake up, sweetheart. Come on, wake up.”

They groaned underneath his hands, wincing slightly from the impact. They’re arms reach up to grasp his wrist. “Aaron?”

He sighed, bowing his head in relief, then met their eyes again. He smoothed his thumb gently over their cheek. “You’re okay.”

“Relatively speaking,” they joked, trying to lighten the mood. Hotch hid a smile behind his stern expression. Only they would joke after this.

“Y/N,” his voice strained. Their fingers squeezed comfortingly around his wrists, before moving to sit up, keeping his palms in their place on their face. “I thought you were- before I could-”

“Y/N!” Spencer yelled as he ran towards his childhood best friend. Hotch cleared his throat as he leaned brack from them, removing his hands to help them up. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I should have waited for you to-”

“It’s fine, Spence. I’m just a little bruised.” They continued to look at Hotch, as if expecting him to finish his earlier thought. Instead, his eyes drifted down to his feet.

“Both of you need to get checked out by EMT’s.” He walked away, hands flexing at his sides.

“What was that about?” Reid smiled softly.

“Well I wouldn’t know, genius,” they smacked his chest. “Since you seem to keep cockblocking me somehow.”

Once the team had gotten back to Quantico, Y/N knew there were words left unsaid. Everyone shuffled around their desks, getting whatever paperwork they needed to take home for the evening. Spencer was trying to convince them to meet an old friend of his for drinks.

“I don’t know Spence,” they hesitated, eyes drifting up to their unit chief’s office, making a choice to get the needed answers. “I’ll be right back.”

Hotch wanted to ignore the knock on his door, but it was painfully obvious he existed within the confines of his office walls. His voice was rough as he answered with a “come in.”

“Can we talk for a moment?” Y/N sighed, trying to hold together the courage that kept getting smushed down. “Please?”

“What about?” Hotch barely lifted his vision, focusing on writing some bullshit on the reports.

“Back in Boston, after the explosion,” they responded. “What were you going to say?”

His pen paused on the paper, ink bleeding through the paper as he tried to collect his thoughts. He cleared his throat, hand resuming its movement. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Their arms crossed against their chest, clearly not satisfied with his answer. “Oh, you don’t?”

“No I don’t,” Hotch looked up then, attempting to keep a firm gaze. “Will that be all?”

Their hands and face fell, back straightening once again at the blatant ignorance of their tension. “Yes, sir.”

Aaron winced at the title and watched them walk away.

“Spence!” he heard Y/N call out a good distance away. “Tell this friend of yours to pick me up at 7.”

The pen in Aaron’s smacked under the pressure of his fist.

~~~~~~~

“Spence,” they sighed. “Your friend already canceled.”

“What?” his voice echoed through the speaker of the phone. “I’m sorry, Y/N/N, I thought he would have gone through with it. Maybe they’re still hung up on their ex.”

“Spencer!” they chastised. “You set me up with someone newly broken up?”

“I thought they had gotten over it!”

A knock resided loudly against Y/N’s door. They sighed, shoulders dropping with the weight of the day. In a sour mood already, the last thing they wanted to do was talk to someone they weren’t expecting.

“I gotta go, Spence.” The call ended, jaw clenching in irritation.

They swung the door open, ready to get whatever conversation over with so they could sleep. Yet, the unexpected came in the form of their boss at their door. “Hotch? What’s wrong? Is there a case-”

“Don’t go on the date.”

Y/N paused, confused welling up on their face. “Huh?”

“Your date,” Aaron said firmly, beggingly. “Don’t go on it, please.”

Their arm dropped down to their side, an almost annoyed look crossing their face. “I don’t understand, sir.”

“Don’t call me that,” he wrenched his eyes closed, pained. “Not when that’s what you say to me when you’re ignoring your feelings.”

Now, there was anger. Their brows furrowed with offense. “Excuse me?”

“I didn’t say it before and I should have. I should have said it a long time ago, when I first realized, or- or I should have said it that night in my office. I regret everything about that night. I didn’t say it when you wanted me to, when you needed me to, so I’m saying it now. I care about you, way more than I thought I would, so please- don’t go on that date.”

He thought the anger would have disappeared by now. Instead, they rolled their eyes and crossed their arms.

“Are you messing with me?” It was his turn to look confused, he straightened his back, and took a confused breath, opening his mouth to speak. “I mean, shit Aaron, I’ve been trying to get you to do something for what? Three years now? And after that night, I thought- I thought that was it. That I was wrong about everything, that I was trying for nothing so I stopped. And then Boston happened and all you did was confuse me more. And now you’re here after I’m trying, really I am trying so fucking hard to move on.”

“You were trying to move on?”

“Yes!” they cried. “Because after 3 years of being in love with you, I had finally convinced myself that nothing could ever happen.”

“Well you were wrong,” he chuckled.

“Obviously, Aaron,” they sighed, opening the door wider.

He came closer, their bodies inches away from each other, hands tentatively reaching up to cup their cheeks, murmuring softly, “Y/N.”

“What?” They bit out softly, leaning into the touch, the one they had only experienced for a sliver of time before. He smiled, the sass endearing.

“I’m in love with you, too.” They’re hands came up to rest on his wrists.

“You heard that, huh?” they said softly, cheeks barely tinged pink.

Aaron chuckled, pressing his body slightly against. “Oh yeah.”

His lips felt warm, but refreshing all the same. The feel of his mouth slotted against theirs was something Y/N knew they could never tire of. His rings raked through their hair softly, as he smiled softly into the kiss. Y/N hummed, moving their hands to his neck to pull him closer. His tongue moved softly against theirs, before nibbling softly at their bottom lip.

They both pulled away in an attempt to catch some air. Aaron rested his lips on their forehead.

Y/N smiled, arms tightening around his body. “You mean to tell me we could have been doing that for three years?”

He chuckled, “That doesn’t matter now.”

“Oh,” they laughed, placing a hand over his chest. “It definitely still matters.”

Aaron laughed as he looked down at the thing that had been too far out of his reach for years, yet he knew he belonged to them all the same.

[joshuas]

sue me

♫ pairing: han jisung x gender neutral reader

♫ genre: college/university student!au, slice-of-life, crack, fluff, best friends to lovers

♫ word count: 3.9k

♫ warnings: nil of note!

♫ summary: just chaos and lawsuits?

♫ tagging: @fluffyskzclub​

♫ a/n: the seventh addition to my christmas drabbles! i don’t really know what i’m doing anymore ;-;

♫ skz christmas drabbles: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

The door jingled as three figures huddled through the store together,

“It’s so cold!” One of them — Jeongin, exclaimed, bringing your attention to them from your organising,

“Lucky it’s warm in here. Hey, guys!” You waved as they approached, looking at the display of records and CDs behind you.

“Y/N!” Jisung approached you first, pulling you in for your signature handshake.

The taller boy, Seungmin, scoffed, looking down on the two of you,

“I can’t believe the two of you still do that elaborate greeting.”

“You’re just salty that you haven’t been friends with someone since childhood and had the awesomeness to come up with something like this.” Jisung defended.

Bitterness bubbled in your stomach,

Right. Friends.

The two of you had established your friendship way back in daycare when you lent Jisung your crayons... reluctantly, at that. But you were kind of desperate to make friends, so you accepted his request. What you had underestimated though, were his motives. Jisung had no intention on actually giving your crayons back. Long story short, hair was pulled, paper was thrown, including scissors at one point, all resulting in Jisung eating your crayons so that you would never get them back. You had never been more shocked in your entire life... well you were two-years-old, so there wasn’t much that you had experienced. However, your parents, after hearing of this fight, insisted on taking you to visit Jisung in the hospital (he had just digested crayons, it’d be concerning if he didn’t at least get it checked out), giving him a CD of your favourite songs for him to listen to. How a two-year-old was supposed to appreciate that was beyond you, but when he came back to daycare with a set of colour pencils and drew pictures beside you, the two of you were inseparable since.

However, once you had gotten into university, the two of you had exchanged more than friendly comments, making you reconsider his place as your best friend after all. I mean, did he make your heart flutter? Yes. Did you miss him whenever he wasn’t around, even when he was being a pain? Yes. Was he incredibly talented, handsome and amazing that you couldn’t help but fall for him?... Yes! You had been trying to figure out ways to hint to him what you really thought of him, but he was about as clueless as Cher in the movie Clueless. And seeing as New Years was round the corner, you had resolved to yourself that you’d confess to him as one of your New Years resolutions... It was now just a question of how...

As Jisung pulled you in for the final part - a hug, you inhaled his familiar scent, interrupting your internal monologue, your mind calming from its racing, seconds before.

“How may I help you guys today?” You brushed your clothes, trying to maintain an air of professionalism.

“Jisung dragged us all the way here to get some of your famous ramen.” Jeongin explained, sighing.

“You came all the way to a music store... to try my ramen?” You asked confusedly.

“I don’t understand the logic behind it as well. But we did come all this way, in the snow as well.” Seungmin looked at you pointedly.

“...okay. Wait here, I’ll make it.”

“Oh my god, I love you Y/N,” Jisung called out as you went to the staff room, your heart skipping a beat at his comment.

Sighing, you turned on the kettle,

Why is he like this? How does crayon eating boy have this much power over me?

“Be careful, it’s hot!” You passed the steaming bowls of ramen and chopsticks to each of the boys, as the four of you sat around the till.

Bowl dangerously balanced on his elevated leg as he tried to pull apart the wooden chopsticks, Jisung flashed you a grateful smile,

“You know, Y/N, one day you’re going to make someone extremely happy with—“ He yelped as he jolted from the force of taking the wooden chopsticks apart, the bowl tipping off his leg and onto the carpeted floor. The red ramen soup soaking into the light carpet, staining it.

“Oh no! Y/N, I’m so sorry!” Jisung exclaimed, frantically grabbing at tissues from the counter, dabbing them on the ground.

You bit back a smile,

Of course, it was Jisung. But ugh it’s going to be a pain to get that dry cleaned...

“I might just have to sue you for that!” You said sarcastically.

Jisung looked at you wide-eyed,

“Oh! I— isn’t there anything else I can do? I can help out at the store for the rest of the break!” Jisung said frantically.

“Ohhh, no I’ll have to have sue you. Company policy.” You hid a smile, deciding to tease him further.

“Oh. Um, okay.” He blinked, unaware, “Let me just get a lawyer to represent me— Seungmin! You’re a lawyer, right? You need to represent me for this case.” Jisung grabbed Seungmin’s arm, looking at him pleadingly,

“I’ve literally only had one class and isn’t this a jo—“ Seungmin broke off as you stared him down, imploring him to partake in the practical joke you were playing on the other boy.

You sighed, “Okay. Seems like it’s sorted. We’ll meet up in two weeks. Hopefully, you’ll have your money ready, because I’m going to win this.”

“It’s Opposite Day. So you won’t, and I will, okay?” Jisung gave you a quick smile, dragging Seungmin towards the door.

“But, my ramen!” Seungmin complained.

“No time, we need to win.” Jisung dragged Seungmin out of the store.

You shared a glance with Jeongin,

This is going to be interesting...

“You aren’t a parent, nor a teacher, what are you doing here?” Jeongin warily watched you approach, narrowly avoiding the little kids running through your path.

“I need your help.” You said solemnly.

“How did you know I was doing work experience at the daycare?” Jeongin raised an eyebrow sceptically.

“Believe it or not, Seungmin can be extremely candid and direct when Jisung is harassing him on the other side of a phone call. Also, you’re working towards your teaching degree. It doesn’t seem too weird that you’re working at a daycare.” You noted, taking in your surroundings.

“Oh, alright. What can I help you with?” Jeongin said reluctantly.

“I need you to dress up like an old businessman and pretend to be my lawyer.” You said quickly, thrusting a back-rubbing cane into his hands before getting ready to bolt.

“Wait! Why?” Jeongin looked at you sceptically yet again.

You sighed,

“Look, I need Jisung to think it’s the real deal, otherwise...” You stopped, squinting at the two figures attempting to act casual outside the daycare.

“Oh my god, are they spying on us?”

“It was most definitely Jisung’s idea.” Jeongin joined you, staring as Jisung attempted to casually lean against a car, trying to converse with a stony-faced Seungmin, not long before setting off the car alarm and yelling at Seungmin to run.

You watched the two of them take off,

“Looks like we’ll need to up our game, Mr Yang. Or should I say... Prosecutor Yang?” You smiled pleadingly at him.

“Fine...”

“Let me get this straight, we’re spying on them now even though this whole lawsuit thing isn’t actually going to happen?” Jeongin asked, bringing his jacket closer to him as he entered the University café.

“Well, it’s not like we can’t put any effort in because then we’d be admitting defeat to this... joke? Regardless, we need to win.” You pushed your cap further down after nodding at Chan in acknowledgment.

You sat down in a secluded area of the café, Chan approaching to greet you,

“Why is it always that chaos is brought to this café by this friendship group?” Chan looked pointedly at Jeongin as he shrugged.

“How do you know that shenanigans are to take place? Can’t we just enjoy our coffee in a secluded area of the cafe in our spy clothes without suspicion?” You asked, slightly defensive.

“...no. Anyway, what can I get for your spy mission?” Chan asked, eyes glinting with amusement.

“I’ll have an iced americano.” Jeongin.

“And I’ll have a—“ you broke off as Chan interrupted you,

“New York Cheesecake? I know. Jisung and you come here to get some like every Friday. Speaking of Jisung, why are you sitting over here instead of with them over there?” He pointed to the two boys huddled at the table, Seungmin slightly bored, checking his phone regularly, and Jisung talking animatedly to him. Jisung, noticing Seungmin’s disinterest, grabbed his phone, getting up and placing it in the trash can before heading back to a very much annoyed Seungmin.

“It’s... a long story. Very chaotic! You probably wouldn’t want to hear it.” You ushered Chan away, Jeongin looked at you smugly,

“You and Jisung, huh? It’s almost as if you were... soulmates. Now I think I know why you need my help.”

You scoffed,

“I don’t need your help.”

“Oh really? Then I guess I’ll get going—“ You pulled him back into his seat, the chair scraping as it was pulled erratically from both directions. The commotion caused Jisung and Seungmin to pause, looking at you two, eyes widening in recognition.

You looked at Jeongin, panicked, before throwing the money at a stunned Chan and rushing out of the cafe.

“Don’t give my cheesecake to Jisung! We both know that he’ll eat it instead of giving it to me.”

[09:38] (Jeongin) Hey, make sure you come on time.

[09:40] (You) Why do we have to go to the shops for this?

[09:41] (Jeongin) sadly the courts were all booked out with proper criminal cases, so the shops will have to do to resolve this fake lawsuit. just get ready and come quickly!

[09:43] (You) fine, fine. I’ll get my finest attire on. See you soon.

You placed your phone on your bed before dressing up to the best of your ability, steeling yourself as you looked in the mirror,

I will tell him how I feel... no matter how complicated this lawsuit thing becomes.

“Look who finally decided to show.” Jisung drawled, sipping at his soft drink. You looked him up and down appraisingly, ignoring your beating heart... he cleaned up more than nicely.

“Okay, shall we get started?” You clapped your hands, sitting opposite Seungmin and Jisung... and next to a very poorly disguised Jeongin.

“Interesting outfit choice, Jeongin.” Seungmin noted.

“What’s even more interesting is that Y/N selected Jeongin as her representative. He’s not even a lawyer!” Jisung looked at you triumphantly.

“Neither am—“ Seungmin interrupted, Jisung shushing him before he could complete his sentence.

“I thought you were going to dress up like a business man! Not some young mobster. This isn’t a fanfic. You’re not the main character.” You hissed under your breath, leaning slightly towards Jeongin so he could hear.

“And what? You are?” He scoffed, before smiling widely at the two in front of him.

“Right, so Jeongin and I have discussed the case beforehand.” Seungmin nodded at Jeongin.

“We’ve decided that we’ll put together a bunch of trials, and whoever wins those will win this lawsuit.” Seungmin proposed.

“I... feel like this isn’t how lawsuits work.” Jisung said doubtfully.

“This is what I was taught in law school!” Seungmin defended.

“Gotta trust the guy who attended law school.” You pointed out.

“What do you mean attended? He’s still at law—“ Jisung broke off as Seungmin cleared his throat, pointedly.

“The first challenge being, who can make the two of us the best milkshake.”

“Ready to lose, Y/N?” Jisung raised an eyebrow competitively at you.

“You wish, Han Jisung!” You sprinted to the other side of the food court, lining up as Jisung hurried after you, ending up directly behind you.

[20 minutes later]

You sighed loudly,

This is taking too long.

You politely pushed in front of people to the front of the line,

“Hey, are you guys right or do you need help? Because I can help out if you want. It’ll help you get through this queue a lot faster.” You asked the worker at the register.

“I can too!” Jisung sidled up beside you as you narrowed your eyes at him.

The worker looked at you sceptically before sighing in defeat,

“You know what, you may as well help because we’re so swamped. Grab some gloves and a hairnet and get started.” The worker let you through.

That was easy enough.

This is not easy.

“Chocolate ice cream thick shake for Sara!” You called out, frantically pushing the lid on the shake before handing it to the customer. Jisung rushed beside you,

“No-fat, non-skim, skinny latte with soy milk, one and a half sugars and a drizzle of vanilla for Jacques?” Jisung called out,

“Actually, can I change my—“ Jacques started.

“No.” Jisung deadpanned.

“Ready to admit defeat?” You smirked.

“Never. We’re yet to make the best milkshakes for Seungmin and Jeongin.” Jisung ran to the blender, chucking in as many ingredients as possible.

“Two can play at that game.” You said resolutely, approaching another blender, using as many ingredients as possible.

This is either going to be a disaster or a five star Michelin dish in the making.

“Stop. Stealing. The. Caramel. Sauce.” You gave Jisung a death glare as you wrestled the sauce bottle, the manager of the store glaring at the both of you,

“Alright, that’s enough. The two of you need to leave. You basically ditched serving the customers and did this. I don’t even know what this is but you need to stop using our resources for it.”

“Wait but it’s the finishing touch!” Jisung pleaded as the manager shook his head resolutely.

You scoffed,

“Whatever. It’s not like we’re getting paid for this or anything. Which we should! In fact, I have a lawyer friend that could help me sue you. He’s very good and wins about... 100% of his clients’ cases.” You threatened.

The manager pinched the bridge of his nose,

“Half of the orders that you served came back with complaints so you really did nothing.”

“The people really don’t appreciate our talents.” Jisung gasped, offended.

“If you guys think you’re talents are in milkshake making, you really should reevaluate your...um...life choices.” The manager said sheepishly.

“Whatever, be prepared for a lawsuit! Let’s leave, Jisung.” You grabbed your milkshakes, grabbing Jisung’s arm and dragging him out of the store.

“100% track rate, you say? Have you admitted defeat already?” Jisung raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, shut up, Jisung. I was obviously talking about Jeongin.”

“Right...”

“Um. What is this?” Seungmin scrunched his face in disgust, looking at the... mess of two drinks in front of him and Jeongin.

“Milkshakes!” Jisung said excitedly.

“I know that. But why did it take so long to make... you didn’t poison it, did you?” Seungmin looked at the two of you skeptically.

“Just drink it and tell us who wins.” You sighed as they picked up their drinks, tentatively sipping and then tasting the other,

“We need time to confer, so we’re going to give you the next challenge. You’re going to have to... pick out the best present for each other, and we’ll judge that once we see it.” Jeongin shooed the two of you away, winking at you as Jisung took the lead, striding towards a craft store.

As you browsed around the store, closely following Jisung, you stopped at the crayons section, exhaling a small laugh.

Jisung turned around, confused, eyes wide, settling on the packet of crayons,

“I dibs getting that for you.”

“You can’t dibs getting a present for someone.” You said incredulously.

“Um, well if it’s a competition, yes I can.” Jisung retorted, hands on hips.

“So you’re telling me, that the best present you could ever get me is crayons? You wouldn’t get that for me normally?” You rolled your eyes, exasperated.

“Why should I?” Jisung said, confused.

“Let me remind you. Twenty or so years ago, a young Jisung eats my crayons in retaliation for getting told to give them back. Young Y/N visits young Jisung in hospital, giving him a free record as a gift. And Jisung never reimburses Y/N with another set of crayons. You know, with your track record, it’s not even accidental. It’s serial. Like serial killing but serial property damage. Honestly, I could extend that to this lawsuit, as well.” You defended.

“Okay one, it’s too late to do that... isn’t it? I don’t have enough money for both! And two, is all you’re saying that your ideal gift is a pack of crayons?!”

“Are you admitting defeat already?” You smirked.

“Pfft no! Give me— that—“ He grabbed the pack of crayons from you, heading to the counter to pay as you grabbed another pack, lining up behind him.

“You both bought each other the same gift?” Seungmin raised an eyebrow at the two of you.

“Not intentionally! Please don’t disqualify us.” Jisung defended, apologetic.

“You literally went to the same store.” Jeongin deadpanned.

“That’s—“

“Whatever, I don’t have time for this. I need to go to the hospital in a bit. Okay, here’s what you can do. Explain to us why you bought the gift for said person, and we’ll judge based on your response.” Seungmin checked his watch, leaning back in his chair.

“Jisung, you go first.” Jeongin gestured for Jisung to start.

“Okay, well the short story is that Y/N told me that it was their ideal gift. The long story is that Y/N called me a serial property damager, and I really can’t afford that being added to my list of offences and be sued further.” Jisung said a matter-of-factly.

“Oookay... anyway, Y/N! What’s your reasoning?” Seungmin turned to you.

“Hmm... okay well when I was a child, Jisung stole my crayons and ate them, somehow we became friends, and he never bought me crayons to reimburse me, so I decided to be the bigger person and buy him crayons to share. Honestly, you’d think he’d know how to by now.” You tutted as a soft pink colouring flooded Jisung’s cheeks.

“...what?” Jeongin blurted out.

“It doesn’t matter! Jisung and Y/N are both... odd personalities. I mean, no wonder they’re best friends.” Seungmin dismissed.

There was that “f” word again...

“Anyway, I don’t have time for this. We’ll deliberate again as you do another challenge. You’re going to have to race each other around the entire shopping centre. Whoever comes first, wins... that round. Obviously. Otherwise, there would’ve been no point to these other challenges.” Seungmin dismissed the two of you, getting you to start at the same time.

Is this what my life has come to? Racing the literal love of my life to show that I’m serious about a fake lawsuit?... I really need to reconsider my lifestyle choices... and friends.

You and Jisung were neck and neck, you huffed as you sprinted next to him,

“Why are you so caught up on this whole lawsuit thing? You and I both know that it’s fake.”

Jisung glanced at you through the corner of his eye, “Hff— I— hff— know that but fake lawsuit or not, it was one of my New Years resolutions to win it.”

You stopped,

“You can’t be serious.”

“Dead serious.” He stopped in front of you.

“Well— I... who am I to stop you from achieving your goals? I forfeit.” You stepped back, relieved to be out of it.

“You can’t be serious,” Jisung said, slightly shocked,

“I need you to finish this! I can’t just win by default. That defeats the whole purpose. Actually try.” He challenged.

“This is so stupid, though.” You grumbled.

“You’re the one that proposed it. Why did you, if you don’t want to do it?” Jisung raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“I— ugh. To be honest, it started out as a joke but then I saw how serious you got about it! So, I decided to play along so I wouldn’t let you down.” You sighed.

“You’re right, I paid Seungmin $100 to represent me.” He sighed in sync with you.

“...you really need to stop doing that. First Minho, now Seungmin? Are you going to pay the entirety of your friendship group for being your friend?” You looked at him disappointedly.

He rolled his eyes, “Speaking of friends... why did you play along?” He asked, curious.

You inhaled sharply,

Now or never. No more friend-zoning.

“Do you know what my New Years resolution was?” You asked.

He shook his head, clueless,

“It was to confess my feelings for you. I’m not as great with words as you are, but Han Jisung, I like you. A lot. Even if you do crazy things like eating my crayons.” You closed your eyes, unwilling to view his reaction... only for a slight pressure to meet your lips.

Your eyes fluttered open, only to meet Jisung’s as he kissed you softly.

He pulled back, bringing you into a hug,

“You’re always going to hold that against me, aren’t you?” He chuckled, whispering that to you.

“We just kissed and that’s what you’re concerned about?” You lightly smacked his chest.

“Well, what else am I supposed to say? I kissed you. I don’t think that best friends do that. Do I need to say it explicitly? Okay then, I like you too!” He said, confused.

You rolled your eyes,

“Whatever. We better get going if we want to finish this race, and help you achieve your life goals!”

“Oh my gosh, Y/N. You’re such a supportive... lover? We’ll figure it out.” He held out your hand, dodging past people as you both sprinted down the mall.

You slowed as you approached Seungmin and Jeongin, dropping your hand from his grasp. Jisung turned back to you, confused.

You ushered him forward, smiling encouragingly,

“Go! Finish first. Achieve your goals.”

He paused, before taking your hand again, dragging you over to Seungmin and Jeongin, they looked up, equally as confused as you.

“We both forfeit.” He said, in between catching his breath.

“What? Why?” Jeongin started, as Seungmin groaned,

“You’re telling me, that I spent the time that I could’ve been sleeping, only for you to forfeit. You know what? It’s fine. Neither of you won anyway because drinking your milkshakes was the worst thing we had to suffer through since the time you both made us cake!”

You reeled back in mock offence, Seungmin sighed,

“I’m sorry if that was harsh. I’m working nights at the hospital.”

“Wait. What does a lawyer have to do at a hospital?” Jisung questioned, confused.

“Do— do you guys even listen to the things I say? I quit law school after one lesson and went back to medical school.” Seungmin said, exasperated.

“And no! You can’t have your money back. We’re leaving now anyway, so bye!” He grabbed Jeongin, running away from the two of you as fast as possible.

“You know, I lied about my New Years resolution.” Jisung spun you around to face him, your hand meeting his bicep.

“Oh no! How could I ever trust you again?” You sighed dramatically.

“Y/N— I was trying to be sentimental and tell you that our resolutions were the same but you ruined the moment!” He pouted, annoyed.

You laughed, grabbing his cheeks (jeekies ahhhhhhhhh they’re so cute right—),

“I’ll sue you if you don’t stop being so cute!”

“Ha! I’d like to see you try.”

➳ part eight?  |  masterlist!

[ellewritesathing]

Infernal VII

Summary: In your sleepy little town of Greendale, nothing ever slept for long. And ever since October, everything felt like it was waking up. Everything except for you, that is. One teensy trip to Hell (and an infuriatingly cute guy) later and suddenly you felt wide awake.

Word-count: 3.3k+

Masterlist Prev. | Part 7

A/N: we’re back witches

The Shores of Sorrow was never meant to be a peaceful place. It was perfectly designed to torture lost souls for eternity, to damn them to an existence where they are forgotten by all except the high tides that mercilessly embraced them. Perfectly designed for torment, and yet you felt nothing but peace as the waves washed over your feet and the sun clung to the horizon … that is, until you sensed the demon behind you. 

With a quick exhale, you summoned the Harpe and let it guide your muscles to cut down your attacker as you turned. Though it had been clumsy and cumbersome when Caliban had first given it to you, you’d grown used to the weight of the sword and learned the necessity of the sickle. The Harpe was an extension of yourself. 

“Careful, love.” Caliban wielded his smile as dangerously as you wielded the Harpe. He’d jumped out of the way of your blow, but his The Doors t-shirt was too slow. The Harpe tore through the right side of his shirt, barely missing his skin. “You could hurt someone like that.” 

Tilting your head to the side and leveling your sword at him, you said, “That’s kind of the point, babe. Sorry about your shirt though.” 

Caliban looked at the Harpe for a moment before smiling to himself and stepping backward. Kneeling down and sinking his hands into the sand, he said, “I think it suits me better this way, don’t you?” He rose with twin obsidian daggers.

“I think it would look a lot better if you weren’t threatening me.”

“I’m not threatening you. I’d like to see what those malignants have taught you.”

“Oh, would you now?” 

Grinning, Caliban twirled the daggers and struck out. He was fast, but you’d been trained to be faster. 

You pulled the Harpe in to block the dagger headed for your chest and swiped to knock it to one side. Caliban turned into the movement so as not to lose the blade. He circled you with a dangerous smile, searching for a weak spot. You knew he’d found one when he tossed one of the daggers in the air and caught it with an overhand grip. Yet his determination still surprised you when he lunged and aimed a strike at your side. 

Dropping the Harpe, you grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer - ignoring the stinging in your side to make a play for the other dagger. Caliban laughed at the clumsy attempt until you kneed him in the gut. 

Twisting out of his hold, you summoned the Harpe and readied yourself for the next attack. For a while, Caliban moved in insufferable silence, but soon he started throwing witticisms and critiques your way as well. As distracting as the words were, they kept you from overthinking. Your moves were smoother, hits were harder, and strikes quicker. Still, you were restrained; no matter how easy it would have been to lean into the Harpe’s viciousness, you couldn’t risk hurting Caliban. 

The sparring only stopped once you’d knocked each other to the ground, a dagger pressed to your ribcage and the Harpe at Caliban’s throat. You were frozen, the never-setting sun washing his features in pale pink light and contrasting the flecks of gold in his eye. He smiled. 

“If this were a real fight-” he pulled the dagger back to twirl around his index finger before throwing it into the sand, “I would have cut out your heart by now.” 

“If this were a real fight-” you leaned down slightly, applying ever so much more pressure to the Harpe “-I would have summoned Hellfire in your lungs and watched you burn alive by now.” 

With a dangerous smile of your own, you pulled the Harpe back and let it vanish as you rolled over to a seat. The sun hung ambivalently on the horizon, blanketed in clouds. With the water slowly washing the shore, you could almost forget the souls of the damned drowning further out to sea. 

As you sighed, Caliban rolled on his side to face you, head cradled in his hand. He touched your elbow and ran his index finger along your arm as he said, “Summoning Hellfire is new. Last week you just threatened to stop my heart.” 

Truth be told, you couldn’t have stopped his heart even if you wanted you. You’d learned to master many of the gifts Lilith had given you, but telekinesis always gave you a nasty headache. “Keeping track of my powers in case I’ll follow through one of these days?” you asked, turning to him with an easy smile. You reached over and pushed some of his hair behind his ear. 

Catching your hand with his, Caliban said, “Not at all.” Carefully, deliberately, he ran his thumb across the outside of your hand, connecting the scars scattered along your skin. “I won’t mind if you do, but I only ask in a vain attempt to determine when Lilith will be satisfied with your training.” 

You choked out a laugh. “Lilith is never going to be satisfied with my training.” Rolling your eyes, you moved from your seat to lie in the sand. You stared at the clouds ahead, darker than you’d ever seen in Hell. “Every time I get the hang of one ability, she comes up with some fresh punishment. I’m hoping she’ll chill out once my replacement is born.” 

Caliban was quiet. He looked at you with the same curious, indecipherable expression he’d used when you met on the Shores of Sorrow; jaw clenched, mouth barely upturned, and eyes searching. You asked what he was searching for.

“I was wondering where exactly I fit in the grand plan,” he said.

“Right next to me?” He didn’t seem convinced. You reached for his hand again. “Honestly, I don’t know where I fit into the plan either, but I do know they’re showing all the Alien movies at the Paramount this Friday. Maybe you could-”

A drop of rain landed on your face, but when you wiped it away, your hand was smeared black. You bolted upright, and the world around you shook. 

“Caliban, what’s happening?”

“Someone’s trying to wake you, but you have to be careful-”

Electricity cracked through your skull, the pain so overwhelming that you didn’t register the tightness in your chest at first. Every muscle in your body ached, cramping from the sudden tension. You’d only experienced this kind of pain your first time using dream manipulation, when Lilith purposely pulled you out too suddenly to teach you the dangers of the waking world. 

Lilith wasn’t the one who woke you this time. The white spots faded from your vision to give way to your dad, frantic and shaking you. By the time your hearing came back, he'd moved to the window. He rocked on his heels as he peered between your curtains. His words were incomprehensible. 

“Dad, what’s wrong?” 

Your dad turned his whole body to look at you. He blinked twice, slowly, before saying, “Oh, good. You’re awake. All the lights are out.” 

Gingerly, you tested your muscles before trying to sit up. Everything still hurt, but you could move. “Did you try messing with the breaker?” 

“I was an English major,” he told you seriously. 

You rolled your eyes, thankful that he was at least lucid enough to crack a joke. He’d gotten better when Lilith was still coming around, but she stopped visiting almost as soon as she started. “I’ll go see if it’s affecting anyone else or just us.” 

Crawling out of bed, you waited for the world to come into focus before making your way through the house to the breaker in the garage. You were just about to open the door when the toaster dinged behind you. It was working perfectly. The fridge was cool inside, even if the light wasn’t working. The only flaw you could find with any of the appliances you checked was the lack of light. 

With a shudder, you told your dad that you were going to Sabrina’s. 

He’d seemed completely himself since you woke up, but now he looked at you with a glassy expression that you knew all too well. Instead of telling you to be careful or that he’d see you soon or that he loved you, he said, “The instruments of darkness tell us truths.” 

“Right,” you said with a sigh. You grabbed your jacket from the back of the chair. “I’ll keep that mind.”

---

One thing that you never understood about the Spellmans was that they never locked their doors. You understood now that a lock couldn’t keep out the threats they faced and there was no need to keep out their friends, but you still smiled to yourself as you let yourself in through the backdoor. Once inside, you found Sabrina, Ambrose, Nick, and Prudence huddled around the breakfast table as Ambrose warned them against something he called the eldritch terrors. 

He told them to imagine a world without light, just perpetual darkness. Chaos would follow, and eventually so would death. You shuddered at the dark clouds in your dreams. “Worse comes to worst,” he said, “We cannot allow the darkness to escape Greendale.”

Prudence promised to work with the coven to seal Greendale’s borders as Nick offered to work with the Fright Club to contain the miners. Sabrina and Ambrose would work to disperse the darkness. None of them sounded very hopeful.

You took a step forward and tried to sound braver than you felt. “I can help.” 

“Okay, sure,” Sabrina said, nodding at Ambrose over her shoulder. If she was surprised to see you after lurking in the corner of her kitchen, she didn’t say anything about it. “You can help Nick look for a spell to stop the miners.” 

“No, Brina, that’s not what I meant.” Taking a deep breath, you held out your hand, palm up to the sky. You summoned the Hellfire and let the dark paint the flames and your eyes black. “I can help.” 

There was only one time in your life that you’d ever left Sabrina Spellman at a loss for words: you were nine years old and Billy was testing the limits of the school’s zero-tolerance bullying, Sabrina was using her words the way Aunt Hilda had told her to, and you used your push-kick the way your dad had told you to. The speechless that overcame her now, however, was a different breed. When you were young, it had been a kind of admiration; now, it was a kind of betrayal. The quiet of a broken promise. 

While Sabrina was still processing how her best friend could summon Hellfire, Prudence leaned in closer. She tilted her head as she took you in, intrigued by you for the first time since you’d met her. Even as Nick dragged her out, she kept her eye on you like a cat watches a mouse. Just before she disappeared, she winked at you. 

You’d been so caught up in the whirlwind that is Prudence Blackwood that you didn’t notice Sabrina’s recovery and Ambrose’s diatribe. She pointed out that even if you could keep the darkness at bay long enough for her to create light, her powers wouldn’t be enough. Ambrose argued that the consequences of her suggestion would be cataclysmic. 

“Aren’t we facing something cataclysmic?” she asked. 

Ambrose sighed. Sabrina, begrudgingly, had made a fair point. “How do we go about this? No one other than myself can see the two of you together.”

“Uh, hi?” You stepped forward carefully. “Could one of you please explain what’s going on?” 

Sabrina looked at Ambrose uncertainly. He nodded - after rolling his eyes - and she took a deep breath. “Remember when I gave up being Queen of Hell?” 

“Yeah…” 

“I didn’t really do that. I broke a time loop and created another version of myself so that I, Sabrina Spellman, could have this life and she, Sabrina Morningstar, could continue being Queen of Hell.” 

“Damning the rest of us to a universe that could potentially fold in on itself in the process,” Ambrose finished. 

“Oh.” You couldn’t say that you weren’t surprised that there were two Sabrinas - it didn’t make sense for Caliban to tell you stories about Sabrina advocating for reforms in Hell when you’d seen in her homeroom that same morning stressing about a trig midterm - but you were surprised she’d managed to keep it a secret so long. “This explains why you were muttering about time paradoxes when we were researching the fairy circles outside the Academy,” you said to Ambrose. 

All Ambrose could do was choke out a laugh and shake his head. “Yes, Scout, that is why I was muttering about time paradoxes and why I will die prematurely,” he said, turning on his heel to focus on Sabrina. “Get Sabrina Morningstar, keep contact to a minimum, and we will meet you both at the mines.” 

“Got it!” With a grin, Sabrina disappeared to prepare a glamor. 

Ambrose stared at her, stunned, before saying, “I think she’s actually enjoying this.” 

“What’s not to enjoy?” you asked. You laughed at Ambrose’s outrage over your joke and told him you’d meet him at the mines. There was one thing you had to do before you took on the eldritch darkness. 

Ambrose didn’t ask any questions; he just told you to be back as soon as possible. 

Luckily for you, teleporting to Hell took almost no time at all. The only reason it took you so long to get back to the mines was that it was nearly impossible for both Lilith and Caliban to slip away from the Courts unnoticed. If getting them in a room together was nearly impossible, then getting them not to tear one another’s throats out required a miracle. 

It seemed the only thing the two of them could agree on was that it was too dangerous for you to go into the darkness alone. 

“I won’t be alone,” you said for the umpteenth time. Careful not to mention the other Sabrina, you explained, “I’ll have all the Spellmans with me. All I’m asking from you is …” What exactly were you asking from them? Help? Forgiveness? 

Lilith rolled her eyes. “While the Spellmans may have an uncanny ability to vanquish their foes, I severely doubt their ability to ward off one of the eldritch terrors. Especially without their resident Morningstar.” 

“And what exactly are you suggesting we do, Lilith?” Caliban asked. He said her name as if it were a poison. He used the same steely voice to talk to her that he used when he challenged her claim to the throne, even if he paired it with a smile in your presence. 

Lilith simmered, pulling her lips into a tight smile. Some part of her, you thought, enjoyed the fact that Caliban was defiant, but you knew that an even larger part of her disliked others doubting her. Turning to you, she said, “No one other than the three of us can know about your claim to Hell. I cannot help you face the darkness, but if we bind our powers together, you may have a chance of surviving it on your own.”

“Even with your power, how would I even go about fighting something like this?” you asked. “I can’t make light.” 

“You don’t need to,” Lilith said. “You can feed on the dark, acknowledge it as yours, and draw power from it.” 

Caliban doused the fire building in your veins with water as he stepped forward. “The effects of absorbing that much darkness could be deadly.”

“So is doing nothing,” Lilith said. She tilted her head up to him and narrowed her eyes. “So, Prince of Clay, unless you have any better ideas, I suggest we get a move on before the eldritch dark ends us all.” 

---

You weren’t sure what to expect from the other Sabrina. You’d supposed they would be the same as Wardwell and Lilith: they’d share a face and be impossibly different from one another, but that wasn’t the case. Sabrina Morningstar was an exact double of Sabrina Spellman; if anything, she seemed to be a more hopeful version of your best friend, despite her extended stay in Hell. 

“I see what you mean about the energy down here,” she mused, looking ahead to where the Darkness lay. “It’s … evil. And old. I feel terrible.”

The Darkness didn’t feel evil to you. It felt sad, bottomless, and empty, but not evil. 

“And that will only get worse once you’re inside,” Ambrose said. He tore his eyes away from the Darkness. “Prolonged and acute exposure to the Darkness is lethal. Death by despair.” He sighed. “So who’s first?” 

Sabrina Morningstar shifted next to you. “Me.” 

She squeezed your hand before letting go to pick up the giant lightbulb at her feet. She threw you a trademarked Sabrina smile before disappearing into the Darkness. Even in the pit of despair, there was a light in her that seemed utterly unable to be snuffed out. 

You took a deep breath, shook every other thought out of your head, and focused on the dark. The Dark wasn’t evil, it wasn’t cold. It was pulling faces over a flashlight under the covers with Roz, Theo, and Sabrina. It was Tommy teaching you and Harvey about astronomy through a cracked telescope. It was warm, and sweet, and deeply, intrinsically sad.

The Darkness filled every cell of your being, replaying every birthday you spent wishing that your mother had loved you enough to stay, echoing every degrading word school bullies had said to you. It was smothering.

Sabrina stood right next to you, but her voice was barely audible. “Something’s wrong, Ambrose. The- the light’s fading.”

“I’m afraid so, cos,” Ambrose said. 

You fought to pull yourself out of the Darkness, but it was like shedding a second skin. The Darkness felt like a part of you, more you than yourself. 

The instruments of darkness tell us truths. 

Breathing in, you opened your eyes and steadied yourself. The Darkness was a part of you, maybe the truest piece of you, but that’s all it was: one part of you, one version of the truth. You reached for Sabrina’s hand and forced a smile. 

“Let’s go help her.”

Sabrina stepped into the Darkness first, but then she froze. She couldn’t feel the energy in the dark like you. Carefully, you led her through the Dark until you found Sabrina Morningstar, Darkness seeping out her nose and eyes. She was crying, hope snuffed out. 

Hope, it turned out, took the form of Sabrina Spellman. She picked the pieces of Sabrina Morningstar off the floor and told her that they could face the Darkness, and anything else that came their way, together. And maybe with a little help, you added, as you knelt with them. 

Taking their hands in yours, you drew the Darkness out of their hearts. While Sabrina Spellman hadn’t let very much in, Sabrina Morningstar had worn her heart on her sleeve. She felt every emotion the Darkness threw at her with full force and let her shattered past cut her open. Taking her Darkness was one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, but it was worth it to see the two of them smile over a lightbulb filled with Absolute Darkness. 

Ambrose was a wreck when you found him again. He looked ready to cry at the sight of you. “Congratulations! Unbelievably, the three of you have managed to do what is nearly impossible: you trapped an eldritch terror.”

“We did it,” the Sabrina’s said, each squeezing one of your hands. 

“We should get that lightbulb somewhere safe,” Ambrose said. He took another shaky breath and shook his head as Sabrina Morningstar scooped the Darkness up and started wading through the mines. “I can’t believe that actually worked.” 

“Yeah,” you said softly, watching them disappear down the tunnel. Lifting a hand to wipe your nose, you saw the familiar sticky Darkness painting your fingertips. “Neither can I.”

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[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Exit Strategy (S2, E10)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:40 - Oh it’s Capshaw’s dream. Well. That’s upsetting. 

1:10 - .....she was performing surgery on herself?!!? WTF?

1:37 - The fact that Jessica broke into her adult child’s home to steal Martin memorabilia is hilarious to me. Also deeply upsetting. Because - dysfunctional. 

1:40 - “In my loft? Where I live?” hahahahahahaha sassy!Malcolm for the win! Also - there is something so so cute about the way Tom delivers this line. <3 It’s precious. 

1:46 - “I don’t always wake up screaming.” ....so historically we know this is true. Malcolm didn’t wake up screaming at the beginning of 1x15 when Eve was in his loft....but still... Malcolm’s mental health has been in tatters. I find it highly unlikely that he wouldn’t be waking up screaming. Especially since he was hallucinating last episode!!!!

1:55 - The Never. Ever. Room?!?!?! I’m shook. I’m amused. I’m horrified. I can’t believe that Jessica would let Malcolm keep that stuff in his loft. Why isn’t it locked up in a storage container or something? Jessica let Malcolm - the boy that Martin traumatized - sleep in the same building as all of Martin’s belongings?!?! Nah. Jessica is so overbearing .... I just don’t buy it. 

2:21 - “I am ignoring the Surgeon altogether.” Awww look at how proud Malcolm is to tell Jessica about his serial killer cleanse. He’s like, “I finally have news that will make Mom happy!!” <3 <3 Precious. 

2:36 - “He’s been calling. Non-stop.” annnnnnnd there’s are sad profiler. He’s putting on a good act for Jessica but he’s still clearly in a lot of emotional pain. 

3:15 - Really? The writers have Jessica riding the Brightwell train now? For real? I’m here for it but it feels kind of fast? Forced? Out of left field? I mean Jessica’s totally the type of mom who meddles in her kid’s love life (remember Eve?) but in the middle of the whole Ainsley-Endicott fiasco? Jessica should be more concerned about Malcolm’s mental state and less concerned with his relationship status. 

3:17 - Did Malcolm really just admit (sort of abstractly, but still) that he’s interested in Dani romantically? Doesn’t he realize that Jessica will try to interfere?!? He’s basically given her his blessing!!! 

3:25 - awwwww....the pic of baby!Malcolm and baby!Ainsley is so cute. <3

3:40 - UGH. I want to know more about that key and what it unlocks so badly!!!

3:46 - “Oh great. Detective Mom.” <3 I love it when he calls Jessica “Mom” instead of “Mother”. <3

4:36 - ......Mr.David and Martin have such an interesting dynamic. Martin listens to Mr. David without showing any signs of anger, resentment, or his usual psychopathic manipulation. Mr. David controls Martin much the way a parent controls their well-behaved child. I just find it so fascinating that Martin treats Mr. David with respect. That’s not Martin’s usual reaction when things don’t go his way.

5:00 - I’m so happy we keep getting more screen time with Hector. <3 This dude’s great. 

6:05 - soooo the fact that Jessica stabbed Daryl in the neck is probably going to inhibit Daryl’s ability to speak right? Making Daryl a useless source of information regarding the breakout?

6:24 - I love everything about this scene with Gil’s new car. I love that Malcolm’s “wow, the Coronet’s looking good.” is said with this little smile. As though Malcolm doesn’t really care about the car, but he knows mentioning it will make Gil happy. I love Gil’s rant about “No more Whitly’s around my car.” and Gil’s glare when JT asks about Tarmel’s around the car. I love Dani’s “boys and toys” line. UGh. It was just the little dose of found family that I craved. <3 BUT I do have one small complaint/concern. Gil. He said, “No more Whitly’s around my car.” Whitly’s. Why did he refer to Malcolm as a Whitly? 

6:54 - “Some major Japan-y vibes.”.....I’m sorry the word you’re looking for is “Japanese”?!?! Anyone else get super distracted by this line?!? 

7:56 - “Old people” HA. OMG. I love this so much. <3 <3

9:11 - As someone with severe social and general anxiety that has at times bordered on a form agoraphobia - Dani’s dismissive tone when she says “he’s afraid to leave the house.” hurts. Especially since it feels really out of character for Dani. She doesn’t usually dismiss people so quickly. Maybe there’s a story there? She had an agoraphobic family member? 

10:14 - “NYPD. Adjacent.” Why isn’t Malcolm a member of the NYPD yet? He trained with the FBI. He’s clearly capable of being employed as a detective for the NYPD. Is it because he doesn’t want to carry a gun? Is it because Gil doesn’t want Malcolm to carry a gun? Is it bureaucracy (probably)?

10:44 - Malcolm explaining why the antique pistol won’t fire is adorable. 

10:57 - This dude hasn’t left the house since March of 1997. Martin was arrested in 1998. Is this supposed to have some sort of double meaning? Like maybe Malcolm discovered that Martin was killing people in 1997 but the chloroform confused him for a while and he didn’t call the cops until 98′? Is this supposed to be a metaphor for the fact that Malcolm hasn’t been truly alive since 1997? He’s just been in survival mode - he hasn’t been living.

11:22 - “I’m not too good around people.” This dude is Malcolm. Malcolm lives in a state of constant fear and anxiety. Malcolm isn’t so good with relationships or casual human interactions. 

11:30 - It makes perfect sense to me that Dani is the detective that Malcolm brings in to talk to Gerald. Forget the Brightwell agenda. Gerald is a scared old man. JT and Gil are authoritative men (they’re teddy bears but they can also be scary). Dani is a woman. Women are typically seen as less of a threat. Though Dani could totally kick just about anyone’s ass. But it makes sense to me that a scared witness would feel more comfortable around the smaller female detective than the large male ones. 

12:03 - Ugh. I feel so bad for Gerald. The dude is clearly experiencing some sensory overload on top of his anxiety. :( 

12:15 - hahahaha the absolute best part of this little Brightwell moment is Gerald’s reaction. This old man just connected the dots and you can see it ALL over his face.  ....but also, it’s a really cute moment. <3

12:38 - “Too late if you ask me.” Is it just me or does Gerald seem protective of Rosalie here? Almost paternal? 

13:03 - “You still think like a grand master” Is this supposed to be an illusion to the way that Malcolm thinks about cases? He thinks like the killer in order to solve the case?

13:13 - WHY DOES MALCOLM KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT A CHESS LEGEND FROM THE 70s and 80s?!? Did baby!Malcolm have a chess phase? I want details.

13:22 - I love Gerald. He’s such a cute little old man. He’s scared but you can tell that he has a good heart and that he’s extremely smart. Look at how impressed he is with Malcolm. <3 He’s a lot like Malcolm. 

13:27 -”Memory was always my gift.” Memory is Gerald’s gift but it’s been Malcolm’s curse.

15:04 - Malcolm is so close to snapping. Look at this poor boy. He’s at the end of his rope. :( 

15:14 - “Looks like you got some sleep.” Awwww proud!Gil <3 

15:40 - “Agoraphobia often comes from trauma.” Yep. Malcolm identifies with Gerald. I wonder if Malcolm ever went through a period of agoraphobia? Maybe as a teen? 

15:48 - .....is this foreshadowing? When the truth about Endicott comes out is Malcolm going to be deemed an ‘unreliable witness’? Or maybe that’s how Ainsley is going to try and pin the murder on Malcolm?

15:58 - annnnnd we finally got a good shot of concerned!Gil. There’s no way that Gil isn’t reading between the lines here. He knows Malcolm identifies with Gerald and he knows Malcolm is having issues with his mental health, identity, and self-worth. SOMEONE CONFRONT HIM. WHERE IS THE MALCOLM INTERVENTION?!!?

16:20 - “Are you alright? Don’t answer that.”.....because Martin doesn’t actually care about Malcolm’s mental or physical health. Martin is a narcissist who has a story to tell. 

16:27 - “No. Me first.” I’m. So. Proud. Of. Malcolm. <3 <3 

16:56 - “That felt good.” :) Awwww... <3 I’m proud of Malcolm for this but Martin is totally going to hold it against him in later episodes. It’s going to fuel some sort of anger. Just wait for it. 

17:05 - Again. Mr. David acts like Martin’s dad. If Martin were 8 years old. 

17:40 - Chrisitan Brole is a treasure. His acting is incredible. Friar Pete is creepy, likeable, funny, and terrifying. Honestly. Give him an Emmy. 

20:00 - “*sigh* kid.” This breaks my heart. You can see Gil’s doubt and concern all over his face. He’s doubting Malcolm’s ability to make an accurate profile of Gerald because he knows how much Malcolm identifies and sympathizes with Gerald. He’s concerned about Malcolm because....I mean have you seen him lately? The boy is spiralling and it hurts to watch. But Gil is scared for Malcolm right now. Gil is now worried that the cases aren’t enough to distract Malcolm. That Malcolm can’t work on cases anymore. That Malcolm’s mental health has compromised his ability to work effectively. 

20:50 - “We’re friends. Partners” Listen to the longing in Malcolm’s voice when he says “partners”. He wants to be romantic partners with Dani - not just work partners. It’s obvious. This boy is an open book when it comes to how he feels about Dani. 

21:08 - “And she never will.” there is something about the way Tom delivers this line. How he sort of trips over the words. I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not but it works. It somehow makes it more raw and emotional. Malcolm wants so so badly to tell Dani how he feels but he’s convinced that he’s a monster. That she deserves someone more stable than him. Someone with less trauma. Malcolm is convinced that he’s not safe for anyone to love. Malcolm is convinced he’s going to snap and become Martin. 

21:17 - “Sounds lonely.” I love the way Malcolm immediately dismisses this as ‘tactical empathy’. Malcolm has accepted that he will be alone forever. He’s convinced himself he deserves it. I’m willing to bet that Malcolm rarely (if ever) actually feels lonely. Between coping mechanisms, hallucinations, and trauma - I doubt his mind is ever quiet enough for him to notice loneliness. 

21:27 - “You’ve spent your life mastering a game. I’ve spent mine mastering how people think.” .....ok but chess is basically about predicting your opponents moves and then Gerald graduated to people watching soooooo they’re really not that different. 

22:06 - I love this. I love how Malcolm turns on Gerald only for Gerald to emphatically explain how he lives through that window. Because - isn’t Malcolm the same? How many people have accused Malcolm of being a murderer when really he’s just a man who only feels alive when he’s solving murders and putting away killers?

22:50 - Rosalie helped Gerald much like Dani helps Malcolm. But Gerald couldn’t help Rosalie because he was trapped in his trauma. .....sooooo what’s going to happen to Dani? Or is this just supposed to be a reference to the fact that Dani can’t trust Malcolm because he’s keeping Endicott a secret and she knows something is up?

22:51 - ummmmm 60bpm??!?!? That’s a borderline athletic resting heart rate for a man in his 50s. There’s no way Martin’s in that great of shape. He’s trapped in his cell most of the day. 

24:28 - oooookkkkkayyyy so maybe Capshaw isn’t as smart as I thought she was. Martin is playing her like a fiddle. Although that dream sequence from the intro did make it seem like she was only interested in Martin because she craved medical power and respect. 

25:22 - Martin didn’t call Jessica his wife to screw with Capshaw. He genuinely still thinks of Jessica as his wife.....this is not good for the future. This tracks with the dreams Martin’s had throughout this season of going back home to his family. 

25:44 - Oh yeah. Jessica knows that woman is into Martin. 

26:41 - “Isn’t it obvious? It’s the key to my heart.” LMAO holy shit. 

26:56 - “I can tell when you’re lying.” “Not historically.”......Martin has a point. 

28:27 - This counts as my “someone confronts Malcolm about his mental health” bingo square for the episode right? 

28:35 - Look at Gil. He knows Malcolm is lying through his teeth and he’s so so tired of it. He looks so sad and annoyed. Gil loves Malcolm so much and he’s clearly concerned about Malcolm but I honestly think Gil just feels helpless right now. Malcolm is spiralling and Gil can’t help because Malcolm won’t open up. 

29:15 - “When she didn’t give up Clayton he killed her. Brave girl.”.....does this mean there’s going to be an attempt on someone’s life this season? Maybe Martin tries to kill Ainsley because she’s going to pin Endicott’s murder on Malcolm? Or Malcolm tries to kill Ainsley because she doesn’t give up Martin’s location? Or Ainsley/Martin try to kill Malcolm because he tries to come clean about everything?

29:26 - “If anyone can get through to this guy it’s you.” THANK YOU. Malcolm really needed that assurance. This dude is so full of negative emotions, self doubt, and pain. Every moment he feels supported, believed in, or loved is immensely treasured. 

30:26 - Oh Capshaw. You dumb dumb dumb woman. Look at Martin’s face. Capshaw has freed a monster. That’s Martin’s “I’m a raging serial killer” expression. 

30:29 - Holy shit. Look at how quickly Martin put the “I’m a harmless doctor” mask. In the span of about 1 second he went from killer to angel. Michael Sheen is incredible. 

31:04 - “You don’t have to be trapped in here.” It breaks my heart to hear Malcolm encourage Gerald to break free from his trauma when Malcolm is still a prisoner to his own. 

31:10 - “This is your next move” “No. It’s not”. THIS. This sums up anxiety disorders. Everyone tells you to ‘move on’ or ‘take a deep breath’. They all tell you that ‘everything will be fine’. They ask you ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen.” The problem: most people with anxiety disorders know the majority of their fears (or at least the severity of them) is irrational. Most people with anxiety disorders have tried therapy, drugs, coping mechanisms, breathing techniques, ect. Anxiety doesn’t go away because you want it to. Telling someone to move on - just makes it worse. Especially someone who has lived with severe anxiety so long that it feels like a crucial part of their personality. I’ve had a severe anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember - I don’t want to heal. I don’t know who I’d be without severe anxiety. I’m scared to find out. 

32:10 - “Family comes first”........soooo is Martin escaping to groom Ainsley for the family business (murder)? For Malcolm (to save him from Ainsley)? To protect Malcolm from a new Surgeon related skeleton (akin to Endicott)? WHY? 

32:33 - ahhhh Papa!Gil. I’ve missed you. 

33:25 - I have this headcannon that baby!Malcolm had pet rats at some point (he’d had snakes so I feel like rats would be in his wheelhouse). One day while Malcolm was at school the rats escaped from their cage and scared the crap out of Jessica. Jessica demands that the rats be removed from the home. That’s it. That’s the scene that plays in my head. 

33:39 -.....Jessica is wearing a ring on her left ring finger. Why? 

34:03 - “Jess it’s good to hear from you but -” They’re dating again now. Right? <3 

34:06 - “What?!” Fear and confusion. That’s the look on Gil’s face. We love to see it. 

 34:25 - “Martin is escaping.” Look at Gil’s face. He’s terrified. He’s staying calm and acting like he’s in control but this dude is terrified that the people he loves most in the world (Jessica and Malcolm) are in serious and immediate danger. 

34:50 - .....last I checked Malcolm was claustrophobic with specific closet-related trauma......

35:40 - “There’s only one play for a pawn.”.....does this mean Malcolm considers himself a pawn in Martin’s game? Disposable. Limited options. Replaceable. Of little worth? :( 

35:57 - “What would you know about it Judas.” Huh. Pete is pissed at Martin. Is it because Pete views Martin’s nasty relationship with Capshaw as a betrayal akin to Judas’ betrayal of Jesus?

36:36 - Jessica using her heels as a weapon is honestly such a mood. hahaha

36:54 - Poor Jessica. The moment she realizes that she’s trapped with a killer who not only hates Martin but also has an hallucinatory friend is haunting. This woman goes from terrified to petrified. But look at her poker face. She’s brave. She tries to talk her way out of it. She tries to think her way out of it. She’s like Malcolm.

37:42 - Jessica firmly telling Daryl not to take another step right before she stabs him in the neck with a high heel is everything. Listen to her terrified screaming. She can’t believe she just stabbed the man (even if it was self-defence). This woman did the impossible while scared to death. She is a badass. She’s my hero. I love her. 

38:12 - “All she had to do was tell me where my brother was. Except they were in love”.....does this mean Ainsley or Martin is going to try and kill Dani?

39:32 - “Don’t you think that’s what Rosalie would’ve wanted for you? This time make the right choice.” Wow. Malcolm is really metaphorically berating himself. What I heard was “Don’t you think Dani would want you to live without fear and guilt? This time - tell her your secret. Come clean. You’ll feel better.”

40:12 - ....so did Dani steal Gil’s keys or did he give them to her? Can we see how mad Gil is about this? Please? .....also the not-so-subtle “Dani is going to be a part of the Whitly family because she hurt Gil’s car” is not lost on me. I’m just more interested in Gil’s reaction to Dani hurting his baby. 

40:21 - “I see why you like her.” hahaha Gerald is all of us. Whether or not you ship Brightwell, you can’t deny that Dani is a badass and a good friend to Malcolm. That’s reason enough for Malcolm to like her - not necessarily in a romantic way. 

40:30 - Where the hell did Daryl go? If Jessica was trapped where did the man with a high heel in his neck go?!!?! 

40:33 - “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.” <3 <3 The whump whore in me is in love. Forget Gillica. I’ll listen to Gil comforting a traumatized member of the team or Jessica any time, any day. <3 

40:50 - I have so many questions about this escape. Are the guys sticking together? If not - do they know where the other guys plan to go/do? Where will they be getting the post-escape change of clothes (you know the ones that aren’t property of Claremont)? 

40:55 - I’ll be honest, I’m shocked. They’ve been teasing Martin’s escape all season but I really thought he wasn’t going to escape until the finale. Now I’m so excited for the finale. If it’s not a Martin-Ainsley-Malcolm showdown or a Gil-Martin showdown I’m going to be sad. 

41:13. - Martin and Gerald both just took their first breath of fresh air as ‘free’ men after 23-24 years. The symmetry of this episode’s two main plot lines is more obvious than usual. 

41:44 - Look at Gerald being Malcolm’s wingman. hahaha it’s so cute. He’s self-appointed himself as Malcolm’s grandpa and I’m here for it. 

41:51 - REALLY MALCOLM?!!? YOU CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO A VOICEMAIL FROM THE SURGEON NOW?!?! #MORON

42:29 - Martin’s entire message for Malcolm is haunting. Even now, he’s trying to manipulate Malcolm. “I’m not the man I used to be”. I’ll promise you right now - Martin will be killing at least one person in the next 3 episodes. He’s addicted to killing. End of story. 

“I’m doing this for you” ....Is Martin going after Ainsley? I’m genuinely concerned that Martin thinks Ainsley is going to try and kill Malcolm or pin the Endicott murder on Malcolm. I think Martin caught wind of it and is planning on ‘taking care of the problem’ (Ainsley). 

42:35 - Look at Dani. She’s terrified. For Malcolm. For Gil. For New York. For herself. She knows how bad this is and she’s scared. 

42:44 - “You fath-. The Surgeon.” THIS. Dani realized that Malcolm doesn’t need to be reminded that his father is a serial killer. Dani realized that family is more than blood. The Surgeon escaped. Malcolm is in danger. But Malcolm’s father didn’t escape. Malcolm’s father has been dead since 1997/1998 when Malcolm found out he was a serial killer. 

42:55 - Malcolm. :( Look at our baby. :( He’s done. Absolute horror and terror. He looks like he’s going into shock. I honestly thought (*cough* hoped *cough*) he was going to pass out. THIS is what’s going to remove Malcolm as a suspect for ‘aiding/knowing that Martin was planning on escaping’. Same with Jessica. Ainsley doesn’t have a terror driven alibi though. At least - not that we’ve seen. 

AHHHHHHHH this was such an intense episode. I can’t wait for Tuesday. <3

If Malcolm doesn’t have a full on mental breakdown soon I’m going to have a stress-induced breakdown for him. Seriously. 

 Thanks for hanging out. 

[killiansprincss]

The Perfect Gift

Happy Valentines Day to all! So when you’re Single AF like me what better way to spend the day than to write about CS spending Valentines Day? So here it is, Captain Swan with Captain Beauty friendship. 

SUMMARY: When Killian learns about Valentine’s Day and Emma won’t go into much detail, he consults Belle who helps him plan the perfect gift for Emma. Pure Valentine’s Day Fluff. Also on A03

Set in the 6 weeks of peace, let’s say Valentine's Day was during this time.

Killian Jones liked to think he was getting the hang of this strange world. Emma had given him a talking phone to contact her when he needed to. Well he’d mastered the Emma button, and half the time she would answer. But most times he would leave a voice message.

He was also getting Belle to help him understand texting, she had described it as writing a letter that is delivered instantly and Emma can read it and reply with a letter of her own when she sees it. There were also funny little drawings when you could send in the text, Belle had said the name before but he couldn’t remember-it was a funny little name. But they had faces, happy, crying and even little heart drawings which he liked to send at the end of his letter-text-to Emma. He saw the way her face lit up when she opened one in front of him once, and he wanted that reaction every time so he continued to use them.

On the topic of hearts, Killian was seeing them all over Storybrooke lately. It was overnight almost, heart shaped teddy bears had appeared in the stores, and even Granny’s was decorated with them. Everything was decorated in pink and red, was this normal for this world? Or was there some strange love curse that had affected the town?

“What’s with all these hearts popping up around town?” He asks Emma when they’re having breakfast at Granny’s one morning.

Taking a break from her stack of pancakes, “It’s Valentine’s Day next week. It’s a stupid holiday we have in this world don’t worry about it.” Emma didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, she had never celebrated Valentine’s Day before unless she was catching a perp and she didn’t want to stress Killian out about it-he was busy figuring out how to save the fairies, Valentine’s Day wasn’t important.

But that didn’t explain the hearts. What was a celebration of hearts all about? And why was Emma so against it?

He turns to Belle, hoping she’d have the answers.

“Valentine’s Day is a holiday this world celebrates. The hearts are popping up over town because it’s a holiday about love, you ask someone you love or like, to be your Valentine. You normally get each other a card and a present maybe, or even go out for a romantic dinner.” Belle explains. Killian assumes she must not be feeling great about this holiday of love after banishing the Dark One.

“So I’m supposed to ask Emma to be my Valentine? And get her a heart shaped gift?” Killian liked the idea of this holiday. Even though those 3 special words hadn’t been spoken yet, he knew how Emma felt about him. He also wanted to show Emma how much she meant to him.

Belle chuckles as she looks through one of her books. “You don’t have to get her something heart shaped. But you could get her something special-something you know she likes or would like. Some girls receive jewellery from their boyfriends, or knowing Emma she may appreciate a Granny’s gift card!”

“Would you help me? I want to find Emma the perfect gift for this Valentine’s Day.” Killian assumed considering her past, she hasn’t celebrated the day in a while and wanted to make sure she knew she was appreciated, and loved (just without saying it, he didn’t need Emma’s walls going up when he was working hard to knock them down)

Belle smiles at her friend. “I’d love to help.”

__

And so Killian sets out to find Emma the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. He considers what Belle said about a Granny’s gift card, but that’s not special enough. No Emma deserves something better.

He finds a card straight away, it’s two Swans kissing with a heart above them, feels appropriate and will hopefully make her laugh too. He wants to see that spark in her eyes he gets to see when she’s happy. While they had only been courting, or ‘dating’ as Emma calls it, for a few months he still couldn’t believe sometimes that they’re together. He never thought he’d see her again when they were cursed, and seeing her at her door in New York was one of the most incredible feelings, even if she didn’t know who he was.

She didn’t judge him for his past, she never did, even before they were together. She understands that it wasn’t always a pirate's life, and that he experienced loss and heartbreak the same as she had. For once in his 300 years, he had someone know the pain he had gone through, he could open up about his abandonment without the other person feeling sorry for him. Emma was abandoned too, so she understood how it felt to be alone.

He looked in the Jewellery store on Main Street to see if there was something that screamed Emma. Sure there were beautiful necklaces and bracelets, but he didn’t want to get her just anything, she wasn’t just anybody: she was Emma, his Emma. She deserved the world, and that’s all he wanted to give her.

Until he comes across a locket. The locket in the store is worth more than the doubloons he carries around (which only Granny seemed to accept), but an idea struck in his head. Sure his ship was gone, but he did keep a few things before he traded it to Blackbeard. And one of those things was a small locket his mother had. It opened up to reveal a small drawing of her and his father on one side, and on the other side was Killian and Liam.

“How would I go about filling a locket?” He asks Belle that afternoon. He didn’t have many possessions coming back to Storybrooke, but he could fit a surprising amount in his leather coat, including said locket, so he finds his old jacket at the back of the closet and finds the locket in one of the pockets.

He shows Belle his mother’s locket and she takes a look at the drawings inside and smiles fondly. Like with Emma, Belle doesn’t pry into his past-she knows he was also a man before his days as a villain that had lost people. “At Granny’s tonight, I will get my camera and take photos of you all, I’ll say it’s for an album full of memories. Then I can print the photos out and cut them into small enough shapes for the locket.”

“Thank you Belle. I appreciate it. How are you feeling about this day? I know it can’t be easy considering the Dark One and all.”

“I actually won’t be alone on Valentine’s Day.” She says shyly, Killian tries to think who could have caught her eye in Storybrooke. “Will, uh Will Scarlet has asked me out, and I accepted.”

Killian smiles, Will was an annoying bastard but he was a good guy and would treat his friend right-far better than the Dark One ever did. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you Killian.” She smiles. “And Emma is going to love the locket.”

__

That evening the extended Charming family meet for dinner at Granny’s as they do every Friday. Henry is complaining about homework, Regina is dealing with mayor matters, and Killian and Emma are just happy. They share some rum while Emma talks about her day, how she was called to The Rabbit Hole to break up a fight between Leroy and a bartender who wouldn’t serve him anymore alcohol. Killian tells her that he and Belle are making progress on freeing the fairies-Belle was still working on a translation.

They hadn’t talked about Valentine’s Day since his original question, he wanted to surprise her, which is why he acted none the wiser when Belle walked into the diner with her camera.

“Everyone, get together. I want to make a scrapbook!” She says gesturing for everyone to pose.

She gets Snow and Charming to pose for a picture. Then Emma and Killian, then Emma Killian and Henry and a whole bunch of other combinations until she decides she’s happy.

“Do you have any idea what that’s about?” Emma asks Killian once she leaves.

“Not a clue luv.” He lies putting his arm around her, pressing a kiss to her head, hoping she doesn’t become suspicious. Weirder things have happened in this town.

__

The day before Valentine’s Day, Belle shows him the finished locket. On one side, a picture of Henry and his grandparents and the other side was a picture of himself and Emma. He hoped she would look at it and be reminded that she had so many people who loved and cared about her. They had peace for now, but who knows how long it will last before the next monster or villain comes to town.

Emma stays with Killian on the night before Valentines. Something about not wanting to walk in on her parents. So it gives him the perfect opportunity to give Emma her gift in the morning.

“Ugh What time is it?” Emma stirs in her half awake sleep. Killian had been awake for almost an hour, excited for the day, and to give Emma her gift.

“It’s almost 7 luv.” He kisses her head as she stirs, clearly wanting more sleep. “And Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Her eyes almost immediately open at the sound of those four words and groans. “What have you been told? It’s really not that big of a deal this day.”

She sits up in bed, worried to see what big romantic gesture Killian had planned.

“But Swan, I wanted to know if you would be my Valentine?” He asks with his cute pouty smile that makes Emma weak. He fixes his Hook on and then grabs a card and a rose from the drawer.

Emma groans, this is exactly what she was afraid of if she mentioned Valentine’s Day. She wasn’t good at the whole displaying emotions and expressing love, and there was also the fact she had never experienced Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend before. Being on the run with Neal, they didn’t exactly do romantic dates, especially not Valentines Day ones.

She can’t help but smile at her pirate boyfriend, taking the rose as she gets out of bed to kiss him. “Thank you. You really didn’t need to do this though.”

She opens the card and can’t help but grin at the two Swans. It makes Killians day already, just seeing her smile first thing in the morning, and the way he was able to make her smile. “That’s adorable.”

“I may have one other thing too.” He says, pulling out a white box wrapped in red ribbon from behind him.

“Killian!” She groans, he had already done too much.

“Open it.” He says handing it to her with a grin as wide as ever.

She takes the small box and unwraps the ribbon that he so clearly didn’t wrap-A hook for a hand doesn’t seem like it would wrap a bow as neatly as this one, she wonders who he got to help in his master plan. The lid to the box opens and she finds a silver locket wrapped among white tissue paper. It’s a little rusty but cleaned as best as it could be-clearly it’s not new or bought from a store here.

‘ A. Jones ’ is engraved on the back.

“Alice Jones. My mother. This was her locket.” Killian explains.

Emma opens up the locket to see the photos Belle took the other night. Well that explains what that was about, and who had helped him plan all this.

Inside the locket, her parents and Henry on one side, and her and Killian on the other. They all look happy, and in all honesty this was the first picture she had seen of herself where she looked especially happy.

“Killian. It’s beautiful, but I can’t accept this. This was your mother’s, the only thing you probably have of hers.” She thought he had spent all his doubloons that people of Storybrooke still seem to accept-but this was worse, it was something that belonged to the woman who knew him before he was a pirate.

He had never mentioned his mother, this was the first time she had heard her name. She must have been pretty important, and another death that broke Killian.

“Nonsense love. I couldn’t think of a better person my mother would want her locket to go to.” He takes it from her hands and opens the clasp, gesturing for Emma to hold her hair back as he clips it round her neck.

Emma admires the pictures, the people she loved most were in it. It was a beautiful gift. It was the first time anybody had given her something so sentimental.

“I officially win the award for the worst girlfriend ever. I didn’t want to make a huge deal out of it, and didn’t want you to feel pressured.” She tells him.

“I get it Swan. You didn’t have many people in your life before you came to Storybrooke. I don’t know much about this holiday, but Belle told me it’s about spending it with the people you care about, make them know you appreciate them.” He’s careful not to say the L word, it may be the day of love-but that doesn’t give him an excuse to say it before Emma’s ready herself.

It was though Killian was looking into her soul or something. He got her, really got her. One of the only people who understood her. “You didn’t need to get me anything really. You traded your ship to come find me-your home. You literally win boyfriend of the century with that one.”

“I didn’t do it to win points Emma. I traded the Jolly because I knew you were more important. And you don’t need to get me a present in return, you being with me is the best gift I could ask for. I never thought I would be happy after Milah was killed, but these last few months with you have been the best few months of my very long life.” He pulls her closer to him with his Hook and kisses her softly. She wraps her arms around him and enjoys the kiss.

She was falling. Hard. It would be easy to say those three little words to Killian right now. She was sure she felt it for Killian. But she had never felt like this before, even with Neal. She had told Neal ‘I love you’ countless times, but now she wonders did she truly love him? Because the feeling she gets when she’s with Killian is incredible, she never felt this way with Neal. She loves seeing the way his face lights up when she talks to him, the way his blue eyes shine when he speaks about the Sea. She loves how much he cares about Henry, and how often he takes him out sailing-he didn’t have to do any of it, but he did.

He was such an ass when they first met. It feels like a lifetime ago when she tied Captain Hook to a tree and climbed a beanstalk with him. But he changed, she saw the way he changed over time. And slowly she realised that maybe he wasn’t a bad guy, they weren’t so different. Both abandoned, both heartbroken and both mending their broken hearts together, with each other.

“How about you come over to the Apartment tonight? My parents are out and Henry is babysitting Neal at Reginas. I’m not that great a cook but I can attempt grilled cheese.” She says smiling at Killian.

“Sounds wonderful love.”

Killian was happy.

So damn happy.

After Liam and Milah were gone, all that mattered was killing Rumnplestilskin, until he met a stubborn blonde who changed his life forever. He slowly started to see that being a villain wasn’t all it used to be, and that he could be the man he once was.

When Henry brought Emma to Storybrooke and told her she was the saviour who needed to break a curse, she never expected it would be true or lead her to her happy ending. A happy ending she also didn’t realise would include Captain Hook. Fate was a funny thing. But she was finally happy, and for once was excited for her future.

[vitalityofficial]

Vitality LORE ACT 1 - The Girl: Prologue

VITALITY LORE // A1 - The Girl

Summary: We are introduced to a young girl whose life is about to change forever. After suffering a devastating loss, a mysterious man will eventually come into her life and begin his dark path of vengeance. The girl is only the beginning.

Warnings: Death, Cursing, Mentions of Blood, Bullying, Depression, PTSD, Anxiety

Wordcount: 1,778

School had been out for an hour now and all her friends had gone home. Why hadn't her parents come yet? They never took this long! And why haven't they called? She took her phone out, dialing her father's number and it rang and rang before going to voicemail.

"Dad! I'm still waiting. Are you okay? I'll wait for fifteen more minutes and if you aren't here, I'll walk home! I'll take the special kimchi route, okay? I love you!"

The 'special kimchi route' is a series of alleyways littered with various family-owned shops - one of those shops owned by an older woman who had the best kimchi dishes around and one her family ate at often.

The girl frowns after the fifteen minutes are up and finally hops off the swing, grabbing her book bag and sighing. "Traffic must be bad today," she reasoned, leaving the gated school property and making the long trek home. She still found it odd that neither had contacted her, but her mother's cellphone was being repaired and her father was old and sometimes didn't pick up service well. They lived far up in the hills - the rather "poor" part of Seoul, tucked far away with the main city in the distance - and any nearby payphones were broken and left to rot.

As she walks and walks, she can't help but to hum a happy tune, feeling perky despite everything. Her birthday was in 5 days and her parents had promised to take her to Busan for a whole week! Her best friend had moved there last year and the two didn't get to keep in contact so it was the perfect way to celebrate a special day.

"You! Child!" A gruff voice spoke from a darkened corner and she yelps when a frail hand grabs her arm, spinning her around. "Grandma! You scared me!" She laughs, hugging the older unrelated woman. She was a well-known resident to all in the small neighborhood and the girl's family was very familiar with her.

“It’s so awful, child! Truly terrible!” The elderly woman murmurs, her eyes wide and pupils as big as saucers. The girl frowns and a look of concern comes over her face - word around was that Grandma was not well and often spouted eccentric things but the other residents often did their best to take care of her as there were no known relatives around. “Are you okay, Grandma? Shall I help you home? It’s getting chilly out.” The girl softly grabs her hand, guiding her in the direction of the woman's house.

“I am so sorry, my sweet girl. You are to endure so much pain and it is not fair for you were destined for so much good.” The old lady rambles as they walk but the girl brushes it off, use to it. When they reach the final hill - which happens to split off into a fork - the girls home on the right and a cliff just across the weather-beaten road and the woman’s on the left - they are overwhelmed by the flashing lights of multiple police cars and an ambulance.

“What’s going on?” The girl panics as she takes everything in, immediately dropping the old lady’s hand as she rushes towards the commotion. She had never seen so many people gathered around this area and to her horror - right in front of her house!

"Was there an accident? What happened?" She pleads with an officer, who immediately stops her from crossing the tape barrier. "It's not safe, young lady. Please stay back!" The female cop grasps the girls shoulders, pushing her back. It wasn't soon enough though as the girl peaks around her, seeing a trail of blood that went over the cliff edge - something truly abnormal and mortifying.

“That’s my home! Where's are my Mother and Father?” She was panicking now - something clearly wasn’t right. Her parents were never late picking her up from school or activities and to come home to this...mess...The girl knew now that something terrible had happened and there was no hiding it from her. “Mama? Papa?” She screams desperately, tears instantly flooding down her cheeks.

The officer gave her a solemn look before turning to her superior, the two whispering among themselves for a couple of minutes. When they returned, the woman put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and guided her away from the commotion, sitting on a bench with her - a bench the girl often sat on with her Father when they ate breakfast and waited for the school van to pick her up each morning.

The officer didn’t waste much time breaking the news. “My dear, I am afraid your Mom and Dad had an accident and are no longer with us in this world.” Though her voice was gentle, it was clear that breaking such awful news to a child wasn’t something she did often, or even wanted to do.

The girl sputtered, unable to form any words. She looked around for the Grandmother but the woman was nowhere in sight now. “Mama...Papa?” She cries out weakly - the thought of never seeing them or speaking to them ever again filling her with an overwhelming sense of despair, leaving her gasping for air.

Everything went black then.

7 Years Later - (2016)

“Yah! Chaewon! Are you even listening? Hey! Watch out!” A firm hand grabs the girl's arm and yanks her backward just as a delivery scooter races past, beeping madly. “Are you spacing out again? What is with you?” Areum looked at her friend worriedly, the rapper of the triangle kimbap she was holding in her opposite hand crinkling loudly.

“Huh? What did I miss?” Chaewon snaps out of her funk, a tentative smile on her face. Areum groans in response, rolling her eyes as she takes a bite of her snack. “I said,” she begins with her mouth full of food, “I was thinking of asking Kangdae out. Isn’t he handsome, yeah? He’s not like the other boys in our class.”

“He’s a bit dumb, isn’t he?” Chaewon mutters. Sure, he was cute and had muscles but he wasn’t exactly known to be bright and was at the bottom of their class in terms of grades unlike Areum, who was in the top five.

Areum groans and smacks her friend on the arm. “Don’t be so rude, Unnie! He’s not stupid, okay? He just doesn’t really like studying but he’s a good person! He wants to get into music and he’s really good at it too! You should listen to one of his tracks he’s produced!” She goes to pull out her phone, biting her lip as she scrolls through some files.

“Maybe another time, yeah?” Chaewon waves dismissively at the cellular device her friend holds out to her. “I have to get home.”

“Let me walk you!” Areum offers, linking her arm through Chaewons. She was understandably concerned about her friend - who had been experiencing sporadic blackouts for a couple months now - and wanted to make sure she got home safely. “I mean, you did just nearly get shit on by a scooter while having one of your...moments.”

Chaewon shook her head, “No! I’m fine! Plus you know how my parents are.” Areum pouts, grumbling. “They have to be the lamest parents on earth if they won’t let their daughter bring a friend home. We’ve been besties since forever and I’ve never even met them! Ugh...”

"Yeah. They’re...strict and really embarrassing, to be honest. You’re not missing out on much.” Chaewon huffs, checking her phone for the time. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” She forces a smile at her friend, pulling her school blazer around her tighter as suddenly a chilly breeze whipped through the air. The two said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

As Chaewon walked, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for being so distant lately. Areum had been a true friend to her ever since her move to Gwangmyeong. She was the first student to welcome her. The first to defend her against the snotty students who picked on Chaewon for being sullen, quiet and “weird”. Prior to the...incident, she had no real issues with bullies and was rather well-liked by her peers.  She had since become the opposite version of former herself - the girl her parents adored was gone and she had no proper concept on how to defend herself or react to the other student's harsh words and actions.

So why was she so rude at times? Why did she lie to someone she considered her best friend? Chaewon had come to the conclusion that it was a defense mechanism of sorts. The only way she could deal with everything was by lying about her life outside of school. It made it easier to pretend - the façade she had created was an escape, albeit still very bleak, much like the truth.

The sounds of the city center grew more distant as she reached the iron gates of her “home”. Her slender hand gripped the cool iron and pushed it open slowly, the squealing of the metal sending a shiver down her spine. Laughter could be heard flittering from the playground behind the old stone building that housed 13 other kids just like her:

Orphans.

The Seojun house for orphans wasn’t too terrible - the food was edible on most days and the rats and roaches were few and far between as of late. The couple who ran it weren’t the kindest and had clearly become burnt out after running the institution for the past 20 years. If they hadn’t been getting a good sum of government money to run it, they most definitely would have abandoned the ominous place long ago. What made the place tolerable were some of the staff, like Mr. Kim.

“Welcome home, Miss Lee!” Mr. Kim - the designated maintenance and security man --  greets Chaewon with a cheery smile as she approached the front door. He even stops raking to open it for her, bowing and motioning with a hand for her to enter as if she were royalty.

“Ah! yes! Home sweet home! Thank you, Mr. Lee.” She manages to muster a smile, bowing as she walks through the familiar doors and sighing loudly. Her smile falters as she is out of the caretakers sight and the familiar sense of dread slowly overcomes her once again.

[padfootagain]

A Very Rose Mistake (VII)

Part 7: How A Mistake Was Made

 Here we go for a new chapter!! You're finally going to understand where the title of this series comes from!!

I warn you, this is angsty. The flashback is angsty. Sorry… you'd better get some tissue before diving into this!

I hope you like it all the same! Lots of explanation here again thanks to the flashback! The next chapter will be more about the present days again.

I hope you like this! Don't forget to tell me what you think about it, I most definitely need a little help to write these days!

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 5951 (sorry it's a bit long)

I

Holmes Chapel, 2011

 It was Valentine's Day. He was 17 and his world was changing at a speed he couldn't comprehend.

It was great, for the most part. It was completely crazy, actually: he was making an album. He was going to sing and travel around the world. How mad was that?

When he had left Holmes Chapel, he thought he would be back in a week. Maybe two. It would be a fun thing to discuss with you. How mad it was. How weird the whole experience had been, but let's be honest, he was only 16 and he wasn't mature enough for anything as big as this. He would slip back under his covers in his bedroom, and you would cuddle together while watching stupid videos on youtube that made you have this loud and uncontrollable laughter, and you would hide the bag of chocolates you had smuggled into his room when Anne would climb up the stairs.

But he didn't come home at all.

Instead, he went through the whole show, and after the X-factor was done, he was pushed into London City. It had been almost a year, and you had barely seen him.

It was strange to walk the same streets without him. It was strange to not have him sitting next to you in class anymore. It was strange to not go to his house after school every night and eat with him and Gemma while watching some dumb show on TV. It was strange not having him pushing you around on the way to school whenever you weren't quite awake yet.

And the truth was, it was unbearable almost, the way you missed him.

The hurricane he had been caught into was just as strange for him than it was for you, and he missed you just as much as you missed him.

And this shift in your relationship that had appeared right before he would leave had been on hold ever since.

You had almost kissed that evening. If Anne had not opened the front door right at that moment, you would have kissed. And as he was to leave the next day, he didn't bring the moment you had shared again. He reckoned that he ought to tell you how he felt face to face.

He wasn't quite sure what it meant yet being in love with someone, but he reckoned that if he had to give a definition, he would have given your name as an answer.

He was a little lost, and he wasn't sure of how he felt exactly, because he had never experienced anything like it before, but what he was certain about was that he wanted to explore whatever this was. He wanted to kiss you. He wanted to cuddle with you and hold you tight and peck your nose. He wanted to be close to you all the time, it drove him insane.

And when he had been given the opportunity to go home for Valentine's day, he believed in a sign.

You couldn't come to celebrate his birthday in London, so you had promised to spend the weekend with him whenever he would come. And it started tonight.

Harry checked his reflection in the mirror of his old bedroom one last time, straightening the collar of his white shirt under his jersey. A red rose was resting on his bed, and he checked once again that the leaves had not suffered from the lack of water during the past 15 minutes. But they were not wilted, and he looked with satisfaction at the flower.

Romantic. Perfect. Because tonight was the night when he would ask you to be his girlfriend.

And if he were honest, he found that this prospect was scarier than walking on that stage for the first time and sing before a jury.

What if you said no?

But he pushed the thought away. Because that night, a year ago, you had almost kissed him too.

But a year had passed...

Yes, a year had passed, but he was certain that you didn't have a boyfriend. You hadn't mentioned anything to him or to Gemma, and that meant that you were single. He wasn't in Holmes Chapel anymore, but he was still your best friend.

Hopefully, that would change tonight though.

He walked down the stairs with his rose in his shaky hand. Anne eyed him from the living room, pretending to watch TV. When he struggled to arrange the collar of his black winter coat though, his mother couldn't help but walk over to him. She gently pushed his hands away and fumbled with the soft material until it was folded just the right way. She gave her son an encouraging smile and pinched his cheek affectionately.

"Good luck."

"I think I'm gonna throw up," he admitted, before turning to the door.

"It's only Y/N. It'll be fine," Anne encouraged him.

She crossed her fingers for him and he reciprocated the gesture before walking out of the house and into the cold air.

The wind bit down on his cheeks, making them flushed and painful. He ignored the sensation though, and hurried down the path and towards your house.

How many times had he walked this same path leading to your house? Thousands and thousands of times, without a doubt...

It was the evening already, and February coming with its shorter days, it was already pitch-black outside. It had snowed that morning, and the grass and pavement all around the street were covered with half-melted ice. The rooftops were of an immaculate white, although the lampposts scattered down the lane were barely enough to show them. The clouds of the morning had cleared through the afternoon, and the night sky was stained with pale stars. The moon though was nowhere to be seen.

And for the first time in twelve years, he was nervous as he knocked on your front door, the same red paint that had always been there, chipped at the corners and a little diluted by the sun.

You were quick to open the door, and Harry could have sworn that he was having a heart-attack as he saw you again.

You were wearing a simple pair of blue jeans and a warm sweater. Simple. Comfy. The most adorable sight he had ever seen

You were even more beautiful than the last time he had seen you for real... how were you even human at this point?

"Hi, Y/N..."

But he was cut short as you threw yourself at him, sure that he would catch you. And he did, he always did.

You both laughed, your nerves slowly dissolving as you held each other tight.

"Harry!"

"It's me," he nodded, chuckling some more.

"I've missed you so much... I can't believe you're here!"

"I've missed you too. So much!"

"You have so much stuff to tell me. And I have too. You'll never guess who Jeremy ended up with."

"Jeremy? With Ashley?"

"With Leila."

"What?! No way!" He exclaimed, pulling away just enough to look up at you as he was still carrying you, your legs now wrapped around him like a koala.

You nodded with shock all over your features.

"You'll tell me everything. I need to know what kind of drama could have unfolded to lead to these two getting together."

He pressed his face into your neck again, right where it belonged, and you closed your eyes as his warm breath hit your skin softly, a vivid contrast with the cold air of the early evening.

Finally, he gently put you back down, feeling that you were starting to shiver in the cold weather.

And at last, you noticed that he was holding a rose in his hand. You looked up at him questioningly, and Harry was certain that he was going to either throw up or pass out then.

He opened his mouth to offer to go inside to talk because it was awfully cold outside, when someone new appeared on the threshold.

And Harry froze.

It was a boy. Around your age. He had never seen him before.

Who…? What…?

"Oh, Harry, this is Joel! Jo, this is Harry!"

Jo?!

"Hi, man!" Joel shook Harry's hand.

"Hi."

Who was that guy, and what was he doing here? It was the evening, and it was Valentine's Day, and it was the day Harry finally came home to Holmes Chapel and…

Oh…

You had a boyfriend…

"Why don't you come in, Harry?" you offered, but your best friend was still staring at Joel.

You… you had a boyfriend?

"Harry?"

You tilted your head to the side, frowning at him. You were shivering in the cold now, your teeth chattering before you would clench your jaw to stop the shaking. Your breath drew patterns in the light coming from your house behind you. And you were breathtaking, as always. You were absolutely perfect.

You had a boyfriend.

Harry tightened his hold on the rose without noticing, until a thorn was piercing the flesh between his thumb and forefinger.

"Uhm… Actually, I was just saying hello, but I got to go."

"Oh, okay…" you nodded, although you were clearly disappointed.

"Yeah, I… I've got to go."

"Still busy because of the band?"

"Uhm… No, I… I've got something to do."

You looked at the rose again, and then at his eyes, your gaze travelling back and forth a few times.

Of course, you were wondering what he was doing with this flower in his hand.

And he could have given it to you. Given you the benefit of the doubt. Gone forth with his plan anyway. Asked about your boyfriend.

But it seemed wrong and mean and all in all, useless. You had found someone else, and on one hand he was the one to blame. A year had passed since that moment you had shared in his house, and so much was different now. He should have asked you about all this before, instead of waiting for you to be gone. He was too late, that was all.

And maybe he had given the moment too much meaning. Maybe you didn't mean much by it. Maybe you had forgotten about it altogether.

And there he was with a rose for you after spending months building his hopes up. What a fool he was… What an absolute idiot…

"Hmm… yeah, I… I've got to go see Melanie."

"Melanie?"

"Yeah, I… I have a date."

Your expression remained unreadable, although he saw the way your jaw clenched. But he attributed the symptom to the fact that he had promised to spend some time with you tonight, and your best friend was bailing out on you.

Yes, that was why you seemed confused, and a little sad.

"Oh," was your only answer.

He nodded, taking a step back.

"Will you still be here tomorrow?" you asked, following him one step further, chasing after him even if for a single step, the way you always had and always would.

"Yeah, I'm leaving in a week."

"Can you… Maybe we could go to the cinema tomorrow or… just… chill and catch up?"

"I… I don't know, Gemma's back too to see me so…"

"Oh, okay…"

"And I want to spend some time with my mum too, so..."

"Of course, you… you don't see her that much either."

"Yeah."

"Well, just… tell me when you're free, okay? I… I've really missed you and I… I really want to catch up with you."

"Okay. Goodnight, Y/N."

"Good night, Harry."

Before you could say anything else, Harry had turned on his heels and was hurrying down the street. He turned left to cross through the gardens and come back to his house discretely. When he knocked at the kitchen door, Anne welcomed him back inside with a deep frown.

"Already? What happened? And why are you coming back from there… we have a front door, you know?"

But he didn't answer and merely rushed inside, throwing the rose in the sink. He was taking off his coat when Anne realized what it all meant.

"Oh… darling, I'm sorry."

She wrapped her arms around her son, but Harry didn't reciprocate the gesture.

"I need to be alone right now," he whispered, but Anne tightened her hold on him.

"Are you sure? You don't want to tell me what happened?"

He struggled to swallow the lump in his throat, his voice made hoarse by pain.

"She… she has a boyfriend," he simply answered, and Anne heaved a sigh.

"I'm so sorry, darling."

"It's alright. It was a long shot anyway."

"Did you ask her about this boyfriend of hers? Maybe it isn't that serious."

"No, I didn't. I just… I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"I need to be alone right now, mum."

"I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

Harry merely nodded, giving his mother a small smile as he finally broke away from her embrace. He hurried upstairs, while Anne looked at him with a pained expression on her face, but there wasn't much that she could do to help.

He walked in his bedroom and closed the door behind him, not bothering in turning on the light, and when he remembered his lie about Melanie, he decided to remain in the dark for a while longer. This same bedroom in which the two of you had spent countless hours laughing and joking around and doing your homework and reading and watching stupid videos of cats on his computer. You had fallen asleep together in his bed during sleepovers. You had broken his shelf while trying to imitate some martial art. You had broken your toe against his bed simply because you were so damn clumsy sometimes. You had played video games together through sleepless nights. You had read your favourite books to him out loud. He still had that sheet of paper upon which you had learned how to write his name in one of his drawers.

His life was so full of you.

He let himself slip down the length of the door until he was sitting on the wooden floor. When had the tears started to flow? He wasn't sure, but they were there nonetheless.

He looked up to his window, through which he could get a glimpse at your bedroom. Your light was on, and through the think curtains, he could guess your shadow moving on the other side of the windowpane. There was another shadow with you, a little taller, and he didn't need much effort to guess that it was Joel. He watched the two shadows moving closer to meld into one broader shape instead. He kicked the foot of his bed as he imagined the two of you kissing. And if he wasn't sure of what his feelings for you meant, he was absolutely certain that the cause behind his pain now was heartbreak.

He tried to look away, focus onto anything but you and Joel wrapped in each other's arms in your bedroom.

Because indeed, you were in Joel's arms at that moment. With your own arms around his neck and your head resting against his shoulder. And it felt nice. You felt better like this, being held.

You reckoned that you were lucky to have your cousin by your side. You were lucky that he had managed to travel for your mother's birthday and stayed for a few extra days. You were lucky that he was there now, with you, to cradle your head in his hand while you cried harder than you had ever cried before.

Because you had waited for a year for Harry to come back. Because you had imagined thousands of times how you would talk about that interrupted moment in his kitchen. Because you dreamt of being held by him instead, and you wondered what it felt like to be kissed by him. And when he had been standing there with that rose, for a moment, you had hoped that maybe the flower was for you. That perhaps he felt the same, had the same anticipation as you did at the thought of the two of you spending some quality time together again, and the same apprehension at the idea of talking about the almost-kiss from the previous year. But then, he had told you the rose was for Melanie, and not for you. It was Valentine's Day and he was going to give Melanie a red rose, the message was loud and clear.

Maybe he had even forgotten about that moment in his kitchen, it was the most painful thought that kept on twirling around in your mind.

Yes, you were glad your cousin Joel was there to hold you while you cried over your first heartbreak.

  II

Loch Lomond, 2020

Now that you were up and eating your breakfast, your hair still damped from your morning shower, you noticed how sore your legs were after the hike of the day before. If you didn't regret at all your long walk in the mountains, as the view from the top was most definitely worth a few cramps now, you still wished you could go back in bed and lay there all day.

But your plans for a restful day didn't match the schedule your cousin had prepared for the week, and there was no way you could refuse Cassie anything the week before her wedding. Which was why you found yourself walking towards the loch with the rest of the guests, chatting with Patrick and your parents. Harry was a few steps behind, lost in a conversation of his own, even though he was sometimes distracted from the words spoken to him because he kept a careful eye on Patrick all the way from the lodge to the shore of the loch, cautious at being as discreet in his surveillance as he could.

Cassie had planned an outing across the loch. She had rented some rowboats for the day, that were merely ten minutes away from the lodge. The idea was to cross the loch with the boats, have lunch on the other side, and explore the forest a little maybe, and then coming back to the lodge for the early evening.

The weather was merciful, the day a little warmer than the previous one, and the sun was bright now that it was high enough in the blue sky. There were barely any lazy clouds to cover the light, and the waters of the loch reflected the clear sky like an azure mirror. The shores were not too muddy thanks to the sunny weather, although the layers of multicoloured skeleton leaves that covered the ground had a tendency to trap the morning dew for a little longer than usual, making the earth still a little wetter than what it should have been. It made your footsteps loud in the quiet morning.

Cassie insisted for you to join her and her fiancée in their boat, so you complied, leaving Harry to share a rowboat with other guests.

It didn't really surprise you to have Cassie insisting on you joining her. You had not seen each other in a very long time because of your studies, and you had lots of things to catch up on. Besides, you were expecting to be questioned about your 'relationship' with Harry.

And indeed, you were not disappointed.

Five minutes into the trip, as soon as you were a few meters away from the other boats, Cassie was more or less abandoning the oar she was in charge of to lean towards you instead, an excited glimmer in her eyes.

"So… you and Harry? I want to hear everything!"

You laughed, shaking your head.

"There's not so much to say about it," you rolled your eyes, diverting your attention from her eager eyes by shaking your drying locks, as if trying to make your hair dry faster.

"Not much to tell about it?! Are you kidding me?! After all these years of the two of you being oblivious morons, you finally are together!"

"We didn't spend years being oblivious morons, thank you very much!" you defended yourself, but your cousin was far from convinced.

"Yes, you did!"

"Honey, you need to help me control the boat," Cassie's fiancée blurted out, struggling with her own oar, but your cousin was too busy with you to care about where the boat was heading.

"How did you two finally come to your senses?" she asked.

"We… had a little bit too much to drink one evening, at a party," you explained, hoping she wouldn't notice that you were lying. "And we ended up… saying things that we wouldn't have admitted while sobber, I guess. And we… kissed. Then, the next day, we talked about it and came to the conclusion that it was for the better that we got it out in the open. And we decided to take the risk and try a relationship."

She let out an excited shriek, letting go of the oar completely, making Amy roll her eyes at her and giving up her own oar as well. She knew your cousin enough to be aware that she wouldn’t be focused on anything but you as long as her curiosity for gossips wasn't satisfied.

"I can't believe it took you guys this long to finally agree to be together!" she swatted your leg playfully. "But then, you both are stubborn and a little stupid, so… not so surprising."

"Thanks for the compliment," you answered with irony, making both the women in front of you laugh.

"And so far, how is it going?"

"Good. It's… it's going great."

"What about the distance?"

"Huh… so far we haven't had to deal with that too much but… we're used to not being around each other constantly so I'm not too worried."

"Yeah, but… it's different between friends and between lovers," Amy replied.

"Uhm… yeah, I guess," you tried to escape her question.

"Has he written songs about you?" Cassie asked, a softness spreading across her features, and both you and Amy chuckled at the sight of the desperate romantic your cousin sometimes was.

"No, he hasn't!" you replied.

"None that you know of, at least!" Cassie replied with a snort. "He was already writing songs about you before you two got together, so he's obviously writing some now too!"

"No, he wasn't!" you shook your head, frowning.

"Huh… yes, he was."

"Of course not!"

"He was! You have to be blind to not realize that yet! He's been head over heels for you for years!"

You rolled your eyes, hoping the gesture would be enough of an answer, because you weren't sure how to respond to her without betraying the truth.

After all, she would know he had never felt this way for you if you told her that he had never, for certain, written any songs about you. Because for all these years, he had never seen anything but a friend in you. There had been one moment when you were sixteen… but then time had passed and had turned the instant in a fading memory. And there was nothing else to be said about it all. He went on to have other relationships, and you did the same, and he fell in love and wrote songs about other people, and never about you. And you were fine with that.

But you couldn’t sell Cassie the story of shared feelings with Harry if you told her that he had never seen anything in you but a friend.

Luckily for you, she dropped that particular subject, to come to another, just as personal and problematic for you to answer.

"And… when did he first say that he loves you, then?"

You scoffed, faking to be a little embarrassed.

"That is none of your business!"

"But he said it then!" Cassie let out another excited shriek. "Knowing him, it must have been awfully romantic," she went on with a dreamy sigh.

By her side, Amy rolled her eyes at her, an amused smile on her lips.

The other boats of the party were drifting across the loch as well, a few meters away and, hopefully, out of earshot. But you were too busy trying to make your way through Cassie's sudden interview to pay much attention to the rest of the guests.

"Anyway, it ought to be more romantic than when Amy told me she loved me for the first time," she threw a knowing glance at her fiancée, who frowned at her in response.

"It was kind of romantic, when you think of it!" Amy defended herself.

"I was sick! I was throwing up in your toilets!"

"I was holding your hair!"

"I WAS PUKING!" Cassie fought back.

"When you think of it, it was kind of cute," you defended Amy with a chuckle. "It meant that she loved you even if she was seeing you being disgusting."

"Exactly!" Amy agreed.

Cassie laughed, before leaning to kiss the fresh pout away from her fiancée's lips.

"You're right. It was kind of cute. Memorable, if anything else."

It was Amy's time to laugh, before leaning for another peck.

And seeing the couple together like this, you had to admit that you were a little jealous. If you weren't complaining about being single, you still had to admit that, looking at these two being adorable together, you wanted that too, one day.

You didn't even notice your eyes drifting away and settling on a colourful jumper in another of the boats, your brain refusing to register the interruption in the movement of your eyes, or who the jumper and the mess of brown curls belonged to.

"Anyway, next question I have to ask," Cassie brought you back to the present, and you settled your attention on her again. "How is the sex?"

You chocked on your own breath.

"What?! What kind of question is that?!" you protested, but Cassie merely shrugged while Amy was exploding with laughter at your reaction.

"Sex can be important in a relationship! Depends on the relationship, of course. Some people don't need that. But Harry is obviously very touchy and horny, like… that's just who he is. So I assume sex is gonna be a part of the relationship that… counts at least. How is it going?"

"Cassie!"

"What? We're all grown-ups! Don't act all shy now!

"I… It's going perfectly fine, thank you for your concern," you answered, clearly embarrassed.

"Good… you won't give me any more details on what's going on down there…?"

"CASSIE!"

"Okay, okay! I was just curious!"

You buried your face in both your hands, groaning in embarrassment.

"Besides, I'm asking cause… I'm a bit worried for you two, if I'm honest."

At that comment though, you looked up at Cassie again.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, it's just…" she shrugged, trying to find the right words. "You and Harry don't seem so… different around each other than you were… before. You know?"

It was your turn to shrug.

"We've always been kind of close. And Harry isn't so much in PDA anyway."

"Hmm…" your cousin nodded, but was clearly unconvinced. "I don't know, I just… feel like maybe you're not putting enough… tenderness into it. Okay, he held your hand a couple of times but… you're not kissing, or stealing many glances or… I mean, no more than usual. I don't know, just… I'm worried about you two. A relationship can't work if you don't put efforts into it, and you don't seem to put too much effort into it for now."

You were near panicking by now.

Had you and Harry done such a bad job at selling the whole fake relationship? Even your cousin was doubting you. You reckoned that a conversation with Harry was needed.

But right now, you needed to find an explanation, and fast.

You heaved a sigh.

"It's just… it's a bit weird being together around my parents and the whole family, you know?" you lied, hoping with all your might that Cassie would bite into the bait. "I'd love to be a bit more obvious about it, but then I notice my parents are around, and I feel like a teenager about to get caught snogging her boyfriend in her bedroom by her dad… you know what I mean? And I think Harry kinda feel the same."

Cassie nodded knowingly, before leaning forward and taking your hand.

"I get it. It must be weird to change your relationship with Harry and suddenly come forth with it in front of everyone. Especially when Harry has been your friend and a part of this family for so long now. But… you need to relax. Everyone around here loves Harry, and more importantly, everyone simply wants you to be happy. And it's obvious that your happiness lays with Harry, it's always been obvious. So… relax. Enjoy your relationship and stop caring so much about everybody else. Can you do that for me? Consider it my wedding gift."

You were strangely touched by her caring words, and you found yourself fighting tears for some reason. Maybe it was because Cassie was so genuinely concerned for you and only wanted the brightest happiness for you, it was obvious in her tone and her words alike. Maybe it was because of what she said about Harry and you. It was hard to tell.

But you nodded anyway, choosing to joke to relieve the emotion that filled the air above the loch all of a sudden.

"I'll try, thank you for your advice. But… I've already bought you one of the things on your stupid wedding list, so… that would make too many gifts."

She laughed with you, finally pulling away, and taking back her oar. But she didn't start manoeuvring the boat before one last word was spoken through a tender smile.

"I'm really happy for you, Y/N. He'll make you happy, I know it. He'll love you the way you deserve to be adored. He always has, even when you didn't know he did."

  You weren't surprised to find Harry playing with the two young children that were part of the guests. Amy's nephews and nieces were, after all, some of the cutest children you had ever met, and Harry was known for his love for children. So, when you went looking for him to talk about what your cousin had confessed in the boat about her doubts about the two of you, and found your best friend giggling in the most adorable way, chasing after Amy's eight-year-old nephew, in this ridiculous way he had to run sometimes, you couldn't refrain a grin. None of them seemed to notice you as you approached them, they were too busy playing on the shore of the loch. The rest of the two families were setting down blankets and the food needed for the picnic a few meters away, the boats safely dragged up the shore when you arrived to the other side of the loch. And you thought you could use this amount of time when everyone else was busy to have a quick conversation with Harry. But then, you were met with this adorable scene that now unfolded before you, and really, you couldn't interrupt them.

It was as if you were held back by an invisible force, really. All of a sudden, your feet were planted in the ground, and there was no willpower to summon in yourself to make your body move forward. Instead, you remained motionless under the autumnal sun, the wind making the colourful leaves whisper above you, and stared at your best friend being the softest ray of sunshine you had ever seen.

And there it was again. This warm feeling invading your whole chest that you had spent so long trying to banish from your heart. No need to put a name on it. No need to make it harder and more painful than it already was.

Why did he have to be like this all the time? He made it so hard to forget him. And he was so oblivious to it all that you couldn't even be mad at him for it.

Really sometimes, you hated him a little because of it. And as you watched him run around after the child, purposefully missing as he extended his arms to grab the boy, a ridiculous expression on his face as he laughed under the sun, wearing that stupid oversized jumper stained with bright colours of his, his unruly hair a mess of curls shaken by the wind, you did hate him a little. You hated him for making you feel the way you did now.

It took him a couple of minutes to notice that you were there, leaning against the trunk of an evergreen pine tree. Once he spotted you, he shot you a bright smile, before making a silly face that made you laugh despite yourself. It wasn't your fault, after all. He was so goofy sometimes, how were you supposed to resist him?

You shook your head at him, before nodding towards the trees that climbed up the shores, all the way up the slopes of the mountains around the lochs. Harry seemed to catch what you meant, as he sent the children back to their parents, and followed you as discreetly as he could further in the forest.

There were bushes filled with thorns that you almost tore your jeans onto. Only a few meters away, a small clearing filled with purple heather and tall green ferns was splayed in sunshine. Pine trees left their needles everywhere, making a brownish blanket upon the earth. A few colourful deciduous trees finished to paint the scene with touches of brighter colours to stain the blank blue sky. You figured the clearing was far enough to not be heard.

"Everything alright?" Harry asked with a concerned frown when you stopped walking and turned to him with worry painted all across your features.

"I had a talk with Amy in the boat."

"And?"

"And… we're not doing so good."

"What do you mean? Do you mean she's… suspicious about us being together?"

"Kind of. I mean… no, she didn't go this far," you reassured him. "But she asked if everything was alright between us because she thought we weren't… uhm… showing our feelings enough."

Harry heaved a sigh, pinching his lower lip between his fingers, clear sign that he was thinking and worried.

"I told you it was a bad idea."

"Look, we just need to up our game a little. I thought my family would be more easily convinced, but as they clearly don't seem to be buying it, I reckon that we simply have to… put a little more effort pretending."

"So… what do you propose we do?"

"Just… more PDA, I guess."

Harry's cheeks and ears turned crimson, and there was nowhere for him to hide this time.

"Alright. I can do that."

"Let's just… full on pretend we're together, okay? Holding hands, and hugs or whatever… you would do with your girlfriend in public... I mean… with people you know around."

"Okay."

"We can do this, H."

"We don't exactly have a choice at this point, do we?"

You didn't answer, and instead, walked back towards your family to join them for lunch, leaving Harry to meditate on your words on his own.

But then, he reckoned he didn't have a choice. If you wanted him to fully lean in the pretend, then he'd do it. No matter how dangerous that behaviour could end up being.

*****************************************************************

Taglist : @emcchi​​​​​ @fishstick-knows​​​​​​ @eldahae​​​​​​​ @just-damn-bored​​​​​ @retrouvailessx​​​​​​ @marvelstudies2020​​​​ @boxofteenageideas​​​​@ponycake27​​​​​​​​ @horsesreign​​​​​​​ @xinyourdreamsx​​​​​​ @jbluevelvet​​​​​@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss​​​​​ @stuckupstucky​​​​​​@snek-shit​​​​​​ @suchatinyinfinity​​​​​​@i-padfootblack-things​  @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi​​​​​​​@jigsawlover10​​​​​​ @emyyjemyy​​​​ @addictedtofictionalcharacters​​​​​​​​ @staringmoony​​​​​​​@madamrogers​​​​ @cronias13​​​​​​ @stylesfics-xx​​​​​​​ @mellamolayla​​​​​​​ @mariaenchanted​​@swtxel​

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Puppeteer Headcanons

K so this mans has been living in my head rent free since I first laid eyes on them (like 2013) so here are my headcanons about their backstories, personalities, and more. Some are inspired by the original stories and lore, some are inspired by other bloggers, some are me self-projecting. Warning there are mentions of dark themes so keep caution. Also i am not a writer, (im sorry) @creepy-bi-day enjoy!!

Puppeteer~

Backstory: 

Puppeteer was born as Jonathon Blake on July 23, 1974

Mother was Hispanic, dad was American. He grew up speaking Spanish and English. He also never really got along with both sides of the family cause he’s mixed (they didn’t like that). They kinda preferred his siblings.

had 4 younger siblings (3 girls, 1 boy). He was 4 years older than the second child.

ever since he could walk he was obsessed with musical theater. For a while his family was able to Johnny to theater camp. Stopped after the 3rd child was born due to financial reasons

parents were working full time to take care of their family. meant Johnny was basically acting like a 3rd parent. good news was he was able to take care of all 4 of them and meet their basic need of being fed, staying clean etc. bad news it meant that he was taking care of them 24/7 and was constantly tired and not taking care of himself. Started to develop symptoms of depression, but couldn’t get help due to the stigmas around mental health + he’s a guy.

got worse in highschool when his work load increased and he wanted to do more in drama and music but couldn’t cause he had to take care of his siblings. He also didn’t make many close friends except for one girl in his drama class Erma. 

Erma was his best friend and they started dating in their second year of highschool. She helped him as much as she could with his mental health, their studies, and even helped babysit some days. They brought out the best in each other. 

Erma loved dance and wanted to become a ballerina, but her parents tried to keep her focus on studies. They did allow her to take theater which she also loved. Her parents were very strict and controlling so she had to hid her relationship.

It wasn’t until the second child turned 13 (johnny was 17), when she started to help out more with the other three siblings (12f, 9f, 7m). Thanks to her help and now they were in a better financial position, johnny was able to join plays and bands which had afterschool practices.

He was really good. He discovered he was born with perfect pitch and was able to get the lead in a play in his final year. This was also when he was able to score a scholarship so some of his uni fees would be paid for.

he decided to major in theater and wanted to go on Broadway or at least become a drama teacher

however when apply for uni, Erma’s parents discovered their relationship and they offered Erma a choice, break up with johnny or else they wouldn’t pay for Erma’s schooling. They hated johnny mostly due to racism and the fact that he wasnt going into a “stable career”. Erma choose to break up with Johnny but didn’t want to tell him these reasons cause she knew that it would upset him. So instead she told him that she’s fallen out of love and wanted to break up.

Johnny agreed mostly to make her happy, but this started his spiral downwards.

Johnny didn’t have any friends other than Erma, he also went to uni in a different city so he didn’t have his family there. His depression got really bad, and he ended up isolating himself and failing first term. He decided to kill himself via hanging. Problem is he wasn't heavy enough to kill himself right away, so he was suffering for hours. 

He spent his last few hours allowing himself to finally “be selfish” and allowed himself to be angry at his family, Erma, and his overall life.

due to this anger, he was able to come back as a ghost, wanting others to feel the same pain as him.

when he came back he was able to change his body into his idea of a perfect vessel, some improvement were making himself taller, better hair, clear face, smooth voice, bigger dick.  and now feeds off of negative energy

Personality:

cold-hearted, cunning, manipulative, a smooth talking, somewhat charming. this is the very carefully crafted version of Puppeteer, He’s the guy who could talk you into doing anything, mostly stuff like jumping off a bridge

however once you get close to him, you see more of Johnathon than puppet. He is very protective of his close friends, will fuss over them and scold them if they aren’t taking care of themselves

good luck getting there tho. After Erma he really had a hard time opening up to ppl due to his fear that they will all leave him at one point. 

Powers:

he feeds off of negative energies, the more trauma the better (finally imma a snack), so he usually influences his victims into a deep depressed state where they off themselves. However once he started hanging out with the creeps (mansion au), he really didn’t need to do that since everyone is a lil fucked up. He just feeds off a little bit of everyone, so that no one is really affected. At this point, he probably has enough energy to outlive the fucking queen

He’s a ghost so he can levitate at most like 10 m above the ground, and if he focuses, he can go through walls and become invisible. 

he has golden strings due to the ectoplasm inside of him (make his eyes and mouth glow to). This strings are like limbs, They are tough to break but if you do its gonna hurt him a lot. They can extend up to 60 ft, and are about 1 cm thick. 

Fun Facts (cause idk how to categorize these)

lots of trauma, need therapy. he feels a lot of shame for what happened and only opens up to his very close friends. again born in 70′s, theres the toxic masculinity and some internalized homophobia. 

still a theater kid!! love musicals and can still sing and play guitar. His vocal cords are a lil more sensitive cause the whole hanging thing, but as long as he warms up, can has the range baby. also has Macbeth memorized

can still cook. while he doesn’t like his past and doesn’t need to eat. He wrote down all of the recipes he knew and will sometimes make them again

dick is 6.5 inchs soft 7.5 hard, i know y’all wanted to know. if also like 6′2 tall. tall big boi

i hc him as pansexual. yea he rather died again than admit that he loves someone, but he won’t care about gender. he still is cis tho.

he does fuck. not often but occasionally. slightly lower sex drive than average 

grunge king. he grew up in poverty and he great at diy. very leans more punk grunge but can be soft grunge depending on his mood. love beanies and his hair is a little longer than chin length with lots of layers. He is tempted to shave off the sides of his head tho. also has grunge and punk music on his playlists.

bad with tech. like the opposite of ben. gets called an old man since he couldn’t figure out how the tv remote works.

he doesn’t grow facial hair, doesn’t like the look.

acts like he’s too proper to cuss, but he does.... a lot

experienced some racism while growing up so he does say ACAB

probably has some piercings or tattoos or both 

still is depressed, has some tough days, but doctor ej gets him pills to help and he has a good support system

shit this was a lot so Helen is next with another post. ill get into their friendship and relationships with other in a whole new post if yall like it. someone tell me if this gives joy cause i could write an essay on this man

[minniemixe]

Beauty And The Beast

Gangster AU

Stray Kids Fanfic

Chan x Reader

Other Appearances: GOT7 BTS

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Angst, Blood, Death, Voilence, Language, Smut, Homosexuality, Making out

Beauty and the Beast Masterlist

Chapter 7

“YOU!!!” Moon exclaimed, eyes wide open   “Uhhh hi” he awkwardly smiled trying to avoid eye contact “Wait, you two know each other?” Mavis asked, pointing between the two “In this moment I wish I didn’t” Moon grumbled “Oh feelings are mutual” he whispered under his breath “C’mon sis, he’s a nice guy, he treats me really good” Mavis tried to lighten the mood “Yeah? By lying to you?” Moon said “What do you mean?” Mavis asked “Didn’t you just say that you’re the only one he sleeps with?” Moon raised a brow “Ba -Mavis let me explain, it’s not-I-” “Don’t, just, don’t.” Mavis said calmly “Bu-” he started “Give it up. And with all due respect. Get lost” Moon glared at him “I’m sorry” he whispered before walking away, seconds later the door closed

“You okay?” Moon asked cautiously “I’m hungry, what about you?” Mavis simply replied “Yeah, what are you having?” “I came back yesterday, my fridge is empty, wanna order takeout? Or do you prefer going out?” “I’m good with anything. Whatever you prefer,  I came to spend time with you”  Moon smiled “Let’s go out, it’s been long.” Mavis said enthusiastically “Yeah last we went was my 18th birthday, I’m turning 23 at the end of this year” “Gosh you’re an oldie and still a virgin” Mavis stuck her tongue out “Yeahwellunlikeyouatleastimnotsingle” Moon grumbled under her breath “I have no idea what you said there but I’m gonna assume that was you complaining about not being able to fulfil all your kinky and dark not to mention sadistic fantasies” she said running away “Get back here you little shit” Moon said chasing after her

“I’ll call the Uber, where are we going?” Mavis said “No need, I have a car” Moon said dangling the car keys in front of her sister’s face “About time you got one. Late night sisters drives are long overdue” Mavis said walking out  the door “Don’t get too excited, it’s my boyfriend’s” Moon replied as the two got in the elevator “When the heck did you get a boyfriend” “Yesterday” “And you’re already using his car. Is he your boyfriend or sugar daddy?” Mavis spoke sarcastically “You do realize that’s not how sugar daddies work right” “But you’re not denying it” Mavis wiggled her brows “I really can’t with you” Moon shook her head “Damn, the guy owns an Audi, no wonder he’s your boyfriend” Mavis spoke dramatically “What do you take me for?”   “Gold digger?” her sister replied more of a question “I’m not you” Moon simply said getting in the car, her sister following suit “Where are we going though?” “Like old times” Moon replied driving away

“I still can't believe the ice-cream machine was broken” Mavis complained as the two sisters sat on the car’s hood parked on the hill “It’s McDonalds, what did you expect” Moon shrugged “Don’t even know at this point” she laughed “Hey! At least we got the chocolate shake”  Moon nudged her sister, taking a bite of her burger “Yeah” she laughed. A comfortable silence filled the air as the two admired the city view from the hilltop “So how long have you had a boyfriend and why was I not informed about this” Mavis striked up a conversation “Since when do I report back to you?” Moon replied sarcastically “I’m just saying, he’s your first boyfriend, and as your sister, I should be the first one to know” “You’re making me sound like a nerd” Moon whined “Well it is true, you’ve always had your nose in computers and games, never really went out and had fun” “I preferred it that way” she shrugged “Too much internet and violent video games have not done you any good”   “Excuse me” Moon said an octave higher “You’re like the female version of Christain Grey and please don’t get me started on how you explained to Nay what you’d do to your supposed enemies” Mavis shivered “You should know the reason” “I do, but that’s not you, you’re just letting it get to your head” “I wish that was true but it’s not. I even scare myself sometimes. These thoughts and urges, it’s fucking crazy, I’m a monster” “Would you ever hurt me? Would you hurt mom, Nay, or anyone dear to you for that matter?” “Why are you asking tha-” “You won’t, that’s the answer. You care, you care so much. I know you think you don’t, that you’re just a heartless monster, but I know you’re not. You pretend that you don’t care, but you do, you show others that their words or actions don’t hurt, but deep down you know that’s not the case. You’re not a monster, you’re my sister, you’re the responsible caring adult who’s always been there no matter what. You’re a warrior if anything, I love you. Please don’t ever call yourself a monster. You’re not. If anything, he’s the monster” Mavis said gripping her sister’s hand  tightly “But I want to hurt people. I want to watch them suffer” “Who? The ones who’ve wronged you? So what, it’s only natural, who doesn’t want to watch such people suffer” “But I-” “No buts. You know I’m right” “I guess you are, I mean you got the sadistic part right” Moon smirked “I- dear lord” “I blame Fifty Shades of Grey for that” Moon shrugged “Well you are the female version of Christain Grey so yeah” “Hhmm, you’re not wrong, I guess the only difference is that, I not only want to inflict pain, I want it to be inflicted on me as well. And much much worse than the movie. I want to feel that pain, as fucked up as it sounds, I find that pain pleasurable, more so than the sensual touches” Moon explained “You’re saying that like you’ve experienced it” Mavis looked at her confused. “Maybe I have” Moon simply shrugged thinking back to all the training sessions she had with Chan. How being punched and thrown around by Chan was much more exciting than the brief touches on her bare waist when he’d help her. “I’m not even gonna ask” Mavis looked away “Hey you’re the one who called me Christian grey, I’m just agreeing with you by stating facts” “Exactly why you shouldn’t worry about anything” “I’m confused” “You’re agreeing with me. Yeah Christian Grey was a sadist, he had issues, but once he got it out of his system, met the right person, he overcame it. He realized he was a better person. And just like him, once you get it out of your system, maybe you’ll feel better. And one day, someone will come along, who’ll accept you the way you are and won’t care about your issues, rather help you” Mavis explained. Moon just looked at her sister, surprised at the fact that everything she said indeed made sense. “When did you get so smart?” Moon nudged her, laughing “One of us has to when the other won’t” Mavis stuck her tongue “Not so fast there, I haven’t interrogated you yet” “What for?” Mavis asked confused “Let’s start from, where you met that duffer” Moon said “Oh him? We met at a club, one too many drinks led to a wild night” “And just like that, you decided to become friends with benefits?” “Not really, we exchanged numbers and carried on with our lives, occasionally hooking up. Hooking up turned into hanging out. He was really a sweet guy. It was a nice friendship until he confessed an-” “HE CONFESSED?” Moon exclaimed “Let me finish. I rejected him, saying I wasn’t interested in relationships. Pretty clishĕ if you ask me. At first it was awkward but then we simply forgot about it, I really thought our friendship was going somewhere. He told me he wanted to ‘officially’ become friends with benefits where we’d only sleep with other, but apparently he lied” she explained “Did he ever bring up his feelings again?” Moon asked “By his actions, all the time, he got possessive sometimes, other times, he would do sweet things. Verbally, once, when he showed up drunk to my apartment. But he was too wasted to remember anything the next morning so I kept my mouth shut. I was thinking of giving him a chance though. I felt too bad for rejecting him when he was so sweet to me” “I never knew he had the ability to be nice” Moon grumbled “I guess I made him wait too long, he got tired” Mavis sighed “No, NO, just no. You’re not taking the blame for this. You weren’t ready for something, he should’ve understood. And if he expected you to be loyal, then he should’ve been too. He’s the jerk here” “Jerk move, sure, but I wouldn’t call him a jerk” “Do you like him?” Moon asked seriously “Maybe, I just thought that maybe, for once someone was willing to accept me despite my flaws. I told him about dad. I never thought I’d open up about that to anyone but you. He was so amazing and understanding, and I couldn’t help it. I guess I ruined it by my stubbornness” Mavis said, as a tear rolled down her cheek “Are you crying? Mavis no, this isn’t your fault” she said getting closer to Mavis, hugging her “I just, dad’s behaviour always got to me and I always thought that if my own father never wanted me, how could someone else”. Moon’s blood boiled with anger, she wanted to just march up to the man and kill him, but she couldn’t knowing that her sister had feelings for the said man “I know the feeling, trust me I know. Why do you think I was single all this time, I thought the same thing. But once I let it go, it got a little easier, not much but a little bit. Stop thinking about dad, honestly, I know it's easier said than done, but let it go. You’ve come so far, don’t let him bring you down” Moon said stroking Mavis’s hair “You think he’ll come back?” she asked “I don’t know, if he really has strong feelings for you, he might” Moon answered looking away “Oh no, I know that look, don’t you dare, you’re not getting involved in this” Mavis said sternly “He made you cry, I’m gonna kill him, try and stop me” “I’ve been sensitive these days, I cry over everything. Don’t hurt him please” “He’s still getting a piece of my mind” Moon glared “Just let him stay in one piece” “I’ll try. No promises” “Of all days, you had to visit today” Mavis shook her head, making Moon laugh.

Moon had dropped Mavis back at her apartment and was now parked outside her  place. She was happy to have spent time with her sister but she couldn’t help but let her emotions get the better of her. Taking a deep breath, Moon calmed herself, knowing that if she got emotional, the situation would get worse than it needed to be. However calming down seemed to be a failed option, because as soon as she stepped foot in the living room, her blood boiled. Snatching the fruit knife from Anna’s hand Moon leaped at Hyunjin, she pushed him onto the couch and put the knife against his throat, “Give me one good reason,why I shouldn’t kill you right now” she gritted, glaring at him “I-” he started “This better be good Hwang, my control is at its peak” “Moon, what is this about” Minho asked “Stay out of it, I swear anyone gets in my way, I won’t hesitate to-” her voice cracked. Moon knew she was scared, scared of what she’d do if she lost control, scared she’d do something she’d regret for the rest of her life. And everyone could see it. “Moon, please calm down, don’t do something rash” Bree said cautiously moving towards her “But he-” “Whatever he did, I’m sure you guys can talk it out. Doing this will only hurt you, put the knife down, he’s hurt” El spoke pointing at Hyunjin’s bleeding neck “Not as much as my sister” she gritted, her knuckles turning white from the tight grip on the knife “What’s going on?” Chan questioned as he, Seungmin and Jeongin entered the living room “I’m sorry” Hyunjin said barely above a whisper “Why? I don’t understand. I know you, or at least I thought I did” Moon asked, her grip loosening “I couldn’t help it” he said avoiding eye contact “WHat the hell is going on? Moon put the knife down” Chan ordered “Stay out of this Chan, you don’t know what’s going on” Moon replied harshly “No I will NOT. You’re hurting my brother” Chan said moving forward, grabbing Moon’s wrist “But he hurt my sister, I’m sure you would’ve done the same” Moon glared at Chan “And you! She really thought you were different from the other asshats she’d been with. She even opened up to you, and you just-and the worst part is she blames herself. I hope you feel great about yourself” Moon looked at Hyunjin. She forcefully released her wrist from Chan’s grip, threw the bloody knife at his feet and stormed out. Hyunjin let out a breath and buried his head in his hands. “I’ll go talk to her” Chan spoke and left

"Care to explain?" Chan snapped at Moon as soon as he entered her room "Chan please leave me alone, I'm not in the mood" she replied lying on her bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling "You almost killed Hyunjin, and you expect me to just leave you alone, I'm not going anywhere without an explanation" "The only person who deserves an explanation right now is me, from Hyunjin. Once we clear it up, you'll know" she sat up glaring at him "Whatever the case, you had no case to be insensitive towards him" "What the fuck is that supposed to mean, all I asked was for an explanation, there was nothing insensitive about it" she said, her voice raising "You said it to his face that he'd never understand since he was an only child" "The fuck Bang?! I never said that" "When you said and I quote 'But he hurt my sister, I’m sure you would’ve done the same'. Isn't that what you were insinuating?" He raised a brow "Are even hearing yourself right now? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? I WOULD NEVER. I ONLY SAID IT TO YOU, SO YOU'D BACK OFF" she shouted at him "WHY ARE YOU BEING SO STUBBORN?" "I'M NOT BEING STUBBORN, MY SISTER CRIED BECAUSE OF HIM, AND WORST PART IS THAT SHE BLAMED HERSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP WHATEVER THE TWO HAD, AND YOU JUST EXPECT ME TO SIT AROUND. TELL ME CHRIS, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?" “OH GOSH YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER" regret took over him just as fast as those words left his mouth. In the two and half years of knowing each other, Moon had never shown emotions this clearly. She was good at masking her emotions. As soon as those words left his mouth, Moon's eyes twitched and the amount of hurt present in her eyes shook Chan to the core. But as quickly as the emotions flashed in her eyes, they disappeared just as quick. Her eyes turned ice cold, just like they had been when she started living with them. "Moon I-" he started "I get it. Don't, you have nothing to explain, I've known it all along. No matter how much I want to deny it, his blood indeed runs through my veins. So thank you Chris for clearing it up for me." His name sounding foreign "That's not what I me-" he couldn't finish his sentence, Moon had walked out past him.

After the fight broke between Moon and Chan, things had been very weird. She didn’t necessarily ignore anyone or was rude, just distant. It was like the days when she had joined, barely talked to anyone and just did what was asked of her, she never missed her training sessions or when they had to go out for missions. “Hey!” said Jisung as he entered the kitchen “Hey” Moon replied from the stool she was sitting on “What are you doing?” he asked taking a seat next to her peeking at her laptop screen “Uh no-nothing” she stuttered trying to hide the screen from him. It was too late, he had already seen the screen and his eyes were blown wide. Unfortunately for Moon, Hyunjin had entered the kitchen just in time to see Jisung’s bewildered expression. “You’re leaving?” Jisung asked, barely above a whisper “She’s what?” Hyunjin asked “Leaving” Jisung answered loudly this time “Why?” Hyunjin questioned “It’s complicated, I can’t stay here” she answered vaguely “Were you going to tell us or were just gonna leave” Jisung looked at her with sad doe eyes “I’m sorry, I thought it would’ve been best if I left quietly, I don’t want anyone to talk me out of it” contrary to her claim, her decision was wavering just by looking at the sad expression on Jisung’s face. Hyunjin decided to exit the scene, not wanting to anger Moon by voicing his opinion. Ever since that day, he had tried to steer clear of Moon, even though her anger had cooled down and she was feeling extremely guilty for blowing up on him like that. Hyunjin wanted to apologize to her and just clear everything up but he knew if he brought up the topic, Moon would want an explanation, something he couldn’t bring himself to give. “Sung please don't make that face, you know I can’t resist it” she smiled weakly at him “I’m not doing it on purpose, I can’t bear the fact of you leaving, or any of us for that matter, if they found out” he replied “Please don’t tell them. I don’t want to create a scene” she pleaded “Why not, they deserve to know” “I know, I know, I’ll tell them when the time comes. I still have 4 months. For now just pretend you don’t know, that you never saw this” “Can I atleast know why” “It’s complicated, lets just say me staying will only hurt you guys, I’m unstable” she sighed “Why? Because you shouted at Hyunjin, or how you killed that man 3 days ago? You think those things make you unstable? Moon, you’re a fucking gangster, and you acting like one isn’t ‘unstable’. Ask anyone they’ll say the same thing”   “It’s not just that, its-” she started “Hyunjin? Look I don’t know what happened between him and your sister, but I know for a fact that your reaction was justified. I know he would’ve done the same. He probably even would've killed, you didn’t, you were scared, you know that, we all could see it. You’re just scared that you might lose control” Jisung spoke “But doesn’t that make me unstable? Not knowing when I might lose it, what I might end up doing. I don’t want any of you near me if that ever happens, I’m afraid of becoming the monster I’ve always feared” “I get you, I can’t understand your reasons, but I get where you’re coming from. Everything you’ve been through, obviously it had an effect on you, but in the end it’s up to you isn’t it. It’s up to you to make you. Are you going to let your past define you? Are you going to let someone else’s mistakes take control of your actions? You can’t let your past control your present and ruin your future. I know it's easier said than done but Moon, you’re not alone, not anymore” “Do you really think I can get better? Do you think I can get rid of that hatred inside me? The hatred I have for myself” Moon asked, eyes desperate. Even she didn’t know what the desperation was for but it was there. “You can.” Hyunjin answered from behind her before Jisung could say anything “Were you eavesdropping?” Jisung asked “Sorry I couldn’t help it, I wanted to leave but I wanted to know the reason” he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck “It’s okay, I’m glad you were listening, I don’t want you thinking I’m leaving because of you” Moon smiled at him “Everything you’re feeling, I know it, I know it all too well” Hyunjin said taking a seat next to the two “What do you mean?” she asked him confused “Hatred, the hatred you have for yourself. There must be a reason for it, do you know it?” Hyunjin questioned “I-I don’t know, I guess I just hate myself for being my father’s daughter. For having his blood run through my veins, the blood that makes me the same as him. I hate myself for hurting people, especially the ones I’m close to” she replied “Who have you ever hurt to make yourself hate you” Jisung said “I hurt you, if I had better control, maybe things would’ve been different, maybe Chan and I wouldn’t have fought. He was right you know, when he said I’m just like my father, but the tragic part is, I’m so much worse than him.” Moon replied looking at Hyunjin “Not necessarily, ultimately that’s for you to decide” Jisung spoke “How come?” Moon asked “His blood may run through your veins but it doesn’t define you, that blood doesn’t decide your actions for you. You’re the one who has control over them, your blood doesn’t determine your personality, it doesn’t represent you as a person, that again is up to you, you’re the one who has the power to define yourself, not his blood” Hyunjin said “That’s the thing, I don’t have control, even if I had it, it’s falling out of my grasp” “That’s it. You’ve practically figured it out, you just need to dig a little deeper and you’ll be there” Jisung pointed out “What do you mean?” she asked confused “Control. You said you had it but now you’re losing it. There must be a reason, you held on for so long, why is it now that you’re losing it, something must’ve triggered it” Jisung explained “Come to think of it, that makes sense” Moon spoke, lost in thought “Do you think you know what might have caused it?” Jisung asked “Me” Hyunjin spoke before Moon could answer “No, I admit you could’ve been the one to trigger my pent up anger but it wasn’t you” Moon said putting the puzzle pieces together “You seemed pretty scary though” Hyunjin chuckled “Sorry” Moon smiled sheepishly “No it’s alright, you had every reason to, I’d have done the same” Hyunjin said “Do you know the reason then?” Jisung questioned “I think so” Moon said “What could it be” Hunjin asked, Moon sighed before speaking   “A few years back someone tried to rape me” Moon closed her eyes trying to ignore the horid memories “Hey, you don’t have to talk about it, it’s alright” Hyunjin squeezed her hand “No, it’s alright. It’s time I let it out. I’ve held onto it for so long, thinking I could forget it, but I never could, it’s always at the back of my mind. Maybe if I do this, I’ll finally be able to let it go” she answered “Don’t push yourself, I know the feeling all too well. If you can’t, we completely understand” Hyunjin softly smiled at her “Thanks, it’s alright” Moon smiled, taking a deep breath she started explaining “That’s why I guess I was angry, I saw him the day I decided to visit my parents and everything just came crashing back, he completely ruined my life and disappeared into thin air. And then he had the audacity to walk back into my house claiming he has feelings for me. If Chan wasn’t there I’d have killed him” Moon finished “As you should’ve, the bastard deserved it” Jisung spoke “Seeing him again triggered all those suppressed feelings?” Hyunjin asked “Yeah and it was fucked up and I felt angry at myself because I spent years looking for him, eventually giving up. But he showed up at my house so easily” “Who showed up where?” Seungmin asked as he entered the kitchen “Long story dude, you came here too late” Moon laughed “But just in time, help us convince her into staying” Hyunjin said “SHE’S LEAVING” Seungmin shouted “Why don’t you announce it on a loudspeaker” Moon spoke sarcastically “Sorry but what the hell is going on” Seungmin asked “Take a seat, you’re in for a long one” Moon said gesturing to one of the empty bar stools near her seat. “I can help you find him. I mean it’s better if more than one person does it, odds are we might be able to locate him that way” Seungmin said once the three explained the whole story to him. “Yeah and you don’t have to leave either, I’m sure together we’ll work something out” Jisung said “That’s sweet of you, and I’ll think about it. Thank you guys, I really needed that” Moon smiled at the three boys “Ofcourse, and if you ever need to talk about anything we’re always here. That’s what family is for” Hyunjin smiled at her “I don’t want to overstep my boundaries here, but what happened between you and Chan, the two of you have been really weird lately” Seungmin questioned “Uhm, I’m not sure, we kinda argued and I guess we haven’t talked much since then” Moon shrugged “You seem a lot distant from him lately, did he say something?” Jisung asked “Nothing big, it was just a little argument and he wasn’t wrong either, he only defended you” she smiled looking at Hyunjin “There really wasn’t anything to defend me on, what I did was wrong” Hyunjin said “Well at first I thought so too but I guess I was unintentionally insensitive, so he was right” she said “When?” Seungmin aksed “When I told Chan he’d do the same if it was his sister, I was kinda just throwing it in his face that he wouldn’t understand since he was an only child. I was quite angry so I didn’t realize I was being disrespectful and I kinda fought Chan because of that as well, but when I calmed down, I realized I was wrong as well” she explained “I can see why he was so worked up” Jisung mumbled “What?” she asked not quite catching what he said “What happened between your sister and I was partially because I’m an only child” Seungmin and Jisung looked at him wide eyed as soon as those words left his mouth “I take full responsibility, what I did was really messed up but I guess I couldn’t help it. It’s just that for the first time I felt that someone was willing to have something with me other than a sexual relationship. I felt comfortable with her and I felt accepted despite my flaws, so somewhere along the line, I started developing feelings. I was- actually am willing to wait for her but I guess my urge and guilt took better of me and I couldn’t stay true to my word” Hyunjin continued. “What do you mean guilt? And what did you mean by ‘because of being an only child’?” she questioned. Hyunjin took a deep breath before talking “I had a twin sister” he said “Hyun, you don’t have to-” Seungmin started “It’s okay, maybe like Moon said holding onto it isn’t going to help” Hyunjin smiled “There’s no pressure, I can sense this something sensitive” Moon said “No it’s okay” He smiled and took a deep breath before speaking “Ever since I was young, I was always complimented on my looks, it was flattering at first but then it got annoying and offending too at times. Like how people would say I can do anything because of my looks or how I could simply make money by modeling or something like that and didn’t need to study. They even went to the point where they said that if I couldn’t get into modeling agencies I could always become a pornstar. My sister Yeji, she was literally the only one who always supported me no matter what. She did have similar problems but people were never extreme about it since she was a lot smarter than I was. Jiji and I had a very special bond, not just physical but emotional as well. We always knew if something was wrong with the other. Even physically, if one of us was hurt the other would know immediately. I loved dancing but no one really took me seriously, whenever I’d be practicing, people would often come to me saying, I didn’t need to work so hard because any agency would accept me based on my looks. And God did I fucking hate it. Yeji however was very sassy and was always quick to defend me. She was the one who motivated me into becoming a trainee. Apart from Yeji, the boys were the only true friends I had. I met them back in highschool and they were also very supportive of me having a dance career. They even covered for me when I was missing school because of my trainee schedule. During the end years of my high school I had a very good chance of a solo debut. I was so ecstatic, I felt like I could conquer the world. But life's a bitch and is full of surprises. A fellow trainee of mine was having a hard time with her dancing and asked me to help out. I obviously didn’t think much of it and agreed. For about three weeks we trained together, and we got really close as well. She was the first girl I ever had feelings for. More time in training, she confessed and I really thought nothing could go wrong, but boy was I wrong. The night I lost my virginity to her was the night everything went down. While I was asleep, she took some indecent photos and leaked them on purpose. Later I found out it was all just a fucking joke. My debut was cancelled and my agency terminated my contract. Apparently she and her friends had betted on who could get the hottest trainee to help them with their dance. Bitch thought it would be funny and then betted on getting me into bed. Later when I asked her why she leaked our pictures, she simply said it was a prank and didn’t think it was a big deal anyway. She said and I quote ‘You’re so good looking anyway, it shouldn’t be a problem for you to get into other agencies’. That’s when I gave up. I thought it was pointless, I closed myself off from everyone then just used my body to my pleasure, it was what I was good at apparently. Yeji really pushed me into trying out for a new agency but I had already made up my mind. Then Chan asked us to join his gang and I didn’t really have much to do so I thought why not. Yeji gave up her dream for me as well. I told her not to but she never listened. I promised myself I’d give her everything because of all the things she had done for me. I wanted to give her the world yet I couldn’t even protect her. It was my fault. Every single thing was my fault. If I hadn’t trusted him, if I had my phone with me that night. I’d have known something was up if only I wasn’t-” and he completely broke down, crying loudly. Jisung hugged his body close to his own, whispering soothing things all while his own tears fell down his cheeks. Moon and  Seungmin weren’t any better, both were crying looking at Hyunjin’s shaking figure. “It wasn’t your fault, none of us could’ve known he was a spy” Seunmin spoke “But, I could’ve still saved her if I ha-” “Hey, some times, we think that if you were to do something different the outcome could be changed. But if given a chance to redo it, something else would happen and the outcome would remain the same. Some things are just not in our control.” Moon cupped Hyunjin's face to comfort him

3 Years Ago

“HWANG HYUNJIN, YOU’RE SO DEAD!!!” Yeji shouted on top of her lungs, soaking head to toe “Catch me if you can” Hyunjin stuck his tongue out and ran inside locking the backdoor “I’m not having any of your bullshit today” she gritted before taking the gun out and shooting at the door handle “BITCH, ARE YOU CRAZY” he shouted running away from her angry figure “YOU’RE NOT ESCAPING TODAY” she shouted following after him “AAAAHHHHHHH, YOU’RE AN ANIMAL, WHAT THE HELL” Hyunjin shouted running towards his room. “Just you wait, I’ll make you regret that” she said getting closer to him “Woman calm down” he said getting inside his room and locking it “Open the door you asshole” Yeji banged on the door repeatedly “Oi language, I’m older than you” Hyunjin laughed from the inside “By 20 minutes, open the door or else” she said “Or else what” he teased “You better run” she said shooting the door handle again “Jesus Christ what the hell is wrong with you today” he said grabbing her from behind locking her in his arms as she entered the room “Let me go idiot, I’m really not in the mood” Yeji said wiggling in his hold “Not until you tell me what’s bothering you” he said, rocking her side to side. Yeji sighed relaxing in his arms “Can’t I go with you” she asked “Jiji, you know you can’t. The more people, the more dangerous it gets” Hyunjin said, guiding her to his bed “But why, isn’t there another way, where no one goes. It’s dangerous as it is” Yeji sighed “If there was, we’d do that. Now cheer up. Everything is going to be alright” he patted her soaking head “But you better not get hurt.” Yeji warned. Hyunjin smiled, already feeling her mood lifting “Yes ma'am” Hyunjin stuck his tongue out, rummaging through his closet “Put these on” Hyunjin said throwing a pair of hoodie and sweatpants at her “Why the hell did you even think this was a good idea. I could get sick you know" Yeji asked "I made sure the water was warm so no need to worry your highness" Hyunjin replied sarcastically

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“Remind me again why I have to stay in the van?” Yeji asked Chan “Because it’s safer, besides they’re good company” Chan replied pointing towards Seungmin, Jeongin and Anna “You’re kidding right, even Liv is going. C’mon man, I’m not a kid” Yeji whined “I can stay with you if you want” spoke a voice from behind Chan “Dave, man I like you but that doesn’t mean I approve of you and my sister” Hyunjin spoke through the ear piece “C’mon man, don’t be like that” Dave replied laughing “Jiji, I need you out of harm's way, can’t risk you getting hurt, it’ll affect my mission as well” Hyunjin spoke “Boy you’re getting on my nerves” Yeji said sitting back in her seat understanding his concern "I think it's cool to have such a bond with someone" Anna striked up a conversation as the others left "It is but it's terrifying as well. Just feeling your heartbeat rise out of nowhere. Knowing something is up but not knowing what." Yeji replied "I can't imagine what's that like" Seungmin said "Honestly it's just heartache. I can actually feel my heart constrict when Hyunjin gets hurt. And it's so much worse when he's not near me." She replied "Aww Jiji, I didn't know you cared so much" Hyunjin spoke through the earpiece "Shut up. Get back in one piece so I can take care of you" Yeji scowled "I see you're still mad about the water incident" Hyunjin chuckled "Oh just you wait, I'll get you back so good, you'll never think of messing with me again" "That's what you always say" Hyunjin remarked "It must be cool to have a twin, all my brother does is treat me like a kid" Anna complained "You know I can hear you right?" Chan said through the earpiece "Good for you" she grumbled "Y'all should be lucky you're still together. I miss having this with Wonpil. We rarely see each other anymore" Seungmin said "Yeah wel-" Jeongin started "Hyunjin what's wrong?" Yeji said catching everyone's attention "Something doesn't seem right" Hyunjin replied "Jinnie I don't feel good about this, get out of there" Yeji said worriedly "I should be fine, no one knows who I am" Hyunjin said "Please be careful" "I always am princess" "Chan what's the update?" Jeongin asked "We've surrounded the building, no one should be able to get out undetected. Minho, Felix what's the status at the drop-off sight" Chan replied "Not sure, we're still waiting" Minho replied "Chan we're compromised. We might have to exit the building" Woojin said "What do you mean?" Bree asked "There are people coming up here, if we stay on the roof we'll be exposed" El replied "Dave, what's your position?" Jisung questioned "Saw someone exiting from behind the building, was tailing them" Dave replied "Did you identify the person" Liv asked "Male, 5'9, didn't see his face, lost him in the crowd" he replied "Seungmin, anything on the drones?" Changbin asked "Nothing, too suspiciously quiet" the younger told "Fuck!" Came Hyunjin's voice followed by gunshots "HYUNJIN!!!!" Yeji screamed "What's going on?" Chan asked alarmed "It was a fucking trap" Hyunjin said

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"They knew, I don't know how but they knew" Hyunjin said, now everyone back and alive "They probably saw it coming because of what happened 2 months ago" Chan deduced "Still, it doesn't make sense, how did they recognize me?" Hyunjin said confused "Did you see someone you've met before?" Minho asked "No. That's the alarming part." "Maybe someone was there, behind the cameras who recognized you? There is a possibility. Many of the top gangs were present there, so security was bound to be tight" Dave reasoned "Still, something doesn't seem right. This was very carefully planned, it seems too suspicious to have failed just like that" Yeji eyed Dave "We'll have to look into it. But for the meantime, lay low." Chan said, dismissing everyone

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"Ah fuck baby, just like that" Hyunjin moaned as the girl sunk down on his hard length. She whined grinding down on him. "C'mon baby, show me what you got" he groaned guiding her hips over his own. "Faster baby" Hyunjin breathed, thrusting up into her wet hole. "I'm so close sir" the girl moaned, riding him fast, chasing her high. "Cum for me baby" he groaned, desperate to reach his own high as well. "Fuck" he groaned feeling her clench around him tightly ."Ahh" the girl moaned, releasing around him, triggering his own orgasm. Hyunjin released in the latex with a deep groan, his thrusts slowing down as the overstimulation kicked in. Getting off of him, she lied down beside him as Hyunjin removed the soiled condom from his softening cock, discarding it in the bin. “Wanna go for another round in the shower” he asked, peppering her neck with kisses, she giggled looking at him and nodded. “Come on le-” He was cut off with Chan barging into the room “We nee-” “I’m in the middle of something” Hyunjin said pointing towards the naked girl beside him “It’s Yeji” Chan said, Hyunjin’s eyes went wide, finally realizing that his heartbeat was going crazy twenty minutes ago because of the bond he and his sister shared and not because of the pleasure. Getting up from the bed he apologized to the girl before quickly getting dressed and followed Chan. “What the hell happened and where is Dave?” Hyunjin questioned as the gang was gathered in the weapon room “He was a spy and he has Yeji.” Bree answered “Fucking bastard, I’m gonna rip him to shreds” Hyunjin gritted “We need to get her quickly. Hyunjin, you good?” Minho questioned “Yeah, she’s okay, but I can’t say that for long” he said strapping in his knives “I have the coordinates, let’s go” Jeongin said

“Jesus Christ, why is this taking so long? And why the hell didn’t she call, actually come to think of it, where is my phone anyway. Seungmin give me the coordinates” Hyunjin started blabbering due to the nervousness building up and snatched the GPS device from the younger’s hand “Hey Hyunjin calm down, we’ll get her yeah” Chan said trying to ease his worries “I fucking can’t, how could I have been so stupid. Aarrgghh” Hyunjin pulled at his hair. No one said anything because judging from his behaviour they could tell that something was very wrong on Yeji’s side. “Let’s hide the van there, Seungmin and Jeongin set up the drones, Cha-HyuNJIN WHAT THE HELL” Minho started but got cut off seeing Hyunjin jump out of the moving van as it slowed down. Hyunjin didn’t reply, he just ran until his body disappeared into the darkness. He stopped as the GPS pointed that he was where he needed to be "YEJI!! YEJI, WHERE ARE YOU? YEJIIIIIII" he shouted at top of his lungs trying to locate his sister "Ye-ah" he grabbed his chest as his heart started beating extremely fast and chest started aching "No, no, Yeji" he called kneeling on the pavement, hands clutching his chest as his breathing became laboured. Taking a deep breath he got up and let his legs take control, knowing he didn't need the GPS anymore to get to his sister. With every step he took, the pain in his chest intensified. He came to a halt seeing his sister's body lying on the cold hard ground with a knife deep in her chest. "No, no, Jiji, you can't, hey I'm here now, please open your eyes. Princess please. You can't"  he cried cradling her body in his arms. "J-ji-jin-nie" Yeji choked feeling her brothers grip on her "Yeah, I'm here, stay with me hhmm" he said cradling her head with one hand while the other put pressure on her chest trying to reduce the bleeding around the weapon "Wh-why di-dn't y-you p-pi-p-ick up" she stuttered, coughing up blood "No no, sshh don't talk, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry" he said burying his head in her hair crying loudly. Yeji caressed her brother's hair one last time like she had been ever since they were young whenever he cried, until her body went cold and her hand went limp beside her lifeless body. "Jiji, Yeji wake up" Hyunjin shook her pale body "Ye-ah, ah." He clutched his chest as the pain suddenly increased until he couldn't take it anymore "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" he screamed on top of his lungs until his vision blacked and he passed out due to the pain.

Hyunjin opened his eyes and realized he was in his room, looking around he saw his members standing around him. "What hap-" he started when his eyes went wide "I can't feel her" he whispered touching his chest "Why can't I feel her, where is she? WHY CAN'T I FEEL HER, WHERE IS SHE. WHERE IS MY SISTER? WHY CAN'T I FEEL HER HEARTBEAT" Hyunjin screamed, tears streaming down his face. No one said anything, just stared at their best friend with heartbroken expressions, failing to keep their own tears in. He leapt off the bed and lunged forward at the leader "Tell me, tell me right now, where is she, she's in the infirmary right? She's just asleep right? She's gonna wake up soon, she's alright. It's just me. This can't be real, it can't be. Where is her heartbeat? Why can't I feel it, WHY CAN'T I FEEL IT CHAN?"  He grabbed Chan's collar and buried his head in his chest crying loudly "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" the older cried, wrapping his arms around the younger male, trying to calm his shaking figure. "NOOOO PLEASE, NOOOOO AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" He fell to his knees crying loudly, mourning his sister's death.

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“Ever since that day, I've developed a habit of having sex too much. Deep down, I always hope that one day my heartbeat will increase like it did that day, or my phone will ring. But it doesn’t. That’s also the reason why I ended up sleeping with other people even though I told your sister I wouldn’t. And God I know it’s no excuse but I just want you to know that I never would’ve hurt your sister intentionally” Hyunjin sniffed, wiping his eyes, now calmer than before. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. And thank you for sharing your story, I’m sure it wasn't easy" Moon smiled at Hyunjin “The reason I shared it with you is because of the question you asked earlier" Hyunjin replied "What question?" She asked "When you asked if you could get rid of the hatred you have for yourself" Hyunjin replied "How?" Moon asked "Why do you hate yourself. Because you're your father's daughter. No that's not it, it's because you blame yourself. You blame yourself for not being able to get away from him and building yourself up how you wanted to. You think it was your fault you couldn't, because eventually your life is in your hands and how you live and shape it. But Moon, after hearing your side of the story, that's not the case. It will be if you decide to spend the rest of your life in self pity and giving yourself up into the life of your so-called blood. Your life was shit until you were given a chance to leave through the sports scholarship, what happened? Someone tried to force themselves on you, but you stayed strong and kept fighting. Yes you lost your chance at escaping your father how you originally wanted but why? Was it entirely your fault? No, partially yes, if you had opened up to your parents maybe things would've been different. But you'll never know. Who's fault was it if it wasn't entirely yours? Andre, if he hadn't drugged you that day, things would've been different. Okay, fine chapter closed, but that's not where it ends. You have still so much to do. You proved it yourself. You picked yourself up, decided to do something, sure you closed yourself off but did you just let yourself go? No, eventually you escaped your father. Maybe not how you wanted but you did. Again it doesn't end there. You thought you sold yourself for the sake of your mother's happiness but you didn't. You took an opportunity when it presented itself and you made the best of it. Each and everyone of us can see how much you've changed since you've joined. Like I said, your life didn't end there. You kept fighting. In that time, you ignored the blood in your veins and built yourself up how you wanted to. But why are you giving up now? You saw Andre again, and all that control threatened to break. The control that made you different from your worst fear. You don't hate yourself, you just blame yourself. Deep down, you want to finish Andre and you not being able to do it, that's what's taking a toll on you, you're constantly letting your anger show. And that is making you think you're what you fear. You hate Andre not yourself because of what he did. You only blame yourself and you're mistaking that for self hatred" Hyunjin explained. Moon just looked at him in awe, how did he figure it out in mere hours when she couldn't in many years "I know it's a lot to take in but that's what it is. How I know, because I'm in the same situation. Different story but same situation. My sister died. I may not have been able to save her but I wasn't the one to kill her either. I blame myself for her death, for so long I hated myself for it until I realized I hate the man who stabbed her. And I'm the one to blame for that, maybe if I was in a clearer headspace I could've got there sooner. But the past is past, we can't change it. It took me such a long time to realize that. What did I do to heal my scars, well avenge my sister's death. I'm gonna find that bastard and rip him to shreds. So Moon, if you think you staying here is dangerous because of who you think you are, no that's not the case. If you still wanna leave to figure everything out, I respect your decision and I support it. But just know that whenever you decide, we'll all be waiting here for you. Because you're our family now" Hyunjin hugged her close. "And we'll help you make Andre pay for what he did as well, you're not alone anymore" Seungmin spoke. "Thanks guys, this means so much to me. I feel so much better now" she said sniffing and wiping away her tears. "Well this was an emotional rollercoaster, let's give ourselves some space to think straight. And Moon, take your time and think rationally. Don't let anything cloud your judgement" Jisung said patting Moon's shoulder and left "He's right. Make a decision you know that is right. It doesn't matter what it is, we support you" Seungmin said and left as well. "Everything is going to be alright" Hyunjin squeezed Moon before leaving her in the kitchen with her thoughts

“C’mon you said the same thing last time as well” Jisung whined sitting on Minho’s bed “And I’m saying it again” Minho answered “But whyy, who else will I go with” “I don’t know, anyone really” Minho shrugged “Why are you being like this, are you mad at me. I swear it wasn’t me” Jisung raised his hands in surrender “Sungie do you even know what this is about? Because it most certainly is you” Minho joined him on the bed “Curse it, I wonder what I did this time” he said looking at Minho, his heartbeat rising due to the close proximity “You- oh fuck it” Minho spoke before joining his lips with Jisung’s. The younger male was caught off guard and remained still, completely shook. A few seconds later Minho pulled away due to not being kissed back. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha-just leave, this is why I-” Minho started “Again” Jisung whispered, eyes wide looking at Minho with the utmost adoration “W-what” Minho stuttered “Kiss me, again.” Jisung said. Wasting no time, Minho joined their lips again. Jisung kissed back his hands grabbing Minho’s waist while the older pushed him back on the bed hovering over him without breaking the kiss. Swiping his tongue on Jisung’s bottom lips, Minho silently asked for entrance, Jisung gently parted his lips allowing their tongues to dance together. Minho’s hands went under Jisung’s shirt caressing his chest while the kiss deepened. Minho was the one to pull away first, lips swollen and a string of saliva connecting their lips. “God, you make me crazy” Minho whispered, diving back in to kiss him again, the feeling of Jisung’s soft lips against his own, driving him insane.

Moon was in her room thinking about the conversation she had with the three boys earlier. Was she going to leave, did she even want to. Countless questions filled her head, her attention was stolen from the familiar ding of her phone. She went to her closet to quickly change into a different set of clothes as soon as she saw the text. “Where are you going?” Chan asked as he saw Moon all dressed up exiting her room “Oh, Nay just texted me, we’re going out for a girls night, want some time to think about some things” Moon smiled at him walking away “Are you really leaving?” Chan grabbed her wrist turning her around, his eyes sad “I don’t know, maybe” she replied looking away from his gaze “I’m sorry” he whispered, releasing her wrist “What for?” Moon asked “For calling you-” “Chan, it’s the past, just forget it, I was not in my right mind either and I took it to heart. You don’t need to apologize” she cut him off “But-” “No buts, I’m over it, let it go.” she said “Are you still mad at me?” he asked “No, I never was, I just needed some space, I’m sorry if it came off like that” she said “No baby girl, you don’t have to, I understand. Have a fun night and stay safe” he smiled at her. Moon loved his smiles, the dimples poking out, eyes shining, making him look absolutely breathtaking. Instead of saying anything, she moved forward and kissed him. Chan kissed her back hands circling around her waist, he tilted his head to the side deepening the kiss as their tongues collided. “Let’s go on an official date when I come back” Moon said pulling away “I’d love that.” he said kissing her again. Kissing for a few minutes Moon pulled back much to her displeasure. “As much as I love kissing you, I have to go” she said stepping out of his embrace. Chan smiled at her and nodded.

“You seem happy” Woojin pointed out, everyone gathered in the living room having random conversations. Chan giggled like a five year old, his ears turning red. “He made out with Moon, of course he’s happy” Minho smirked “You don’t really get to say that you know, you aren’t any less happy, seeing you finally grew the balls to kiss Jisung” Changbin said, everyone's attention now on the new couple. Oohhs and aahhs thrown around as the two blushed furiously. “You’re one to talk, your dick gets hard everytime you se-mmphh” Changbin put his palm on Minho’s mouth before he could finish his sentence. “Well this just got more interesting” Felix high fived Seungmin “I wonder who has the ability to make Chanbin’s dick hard” El laughed “I say we all put on bets” Hyunjin suggested “You guys ar-” Changbin was cut off by the doorbell “Expecting anyone?” Chan asked “Yep, my weed stash is here” Minho said as Jeongin went to check “Hey guys” Nay said, entering the living room. Chan’s eyes went wide looking at her “Chan, you good, you look like you just saw a ghost” Anna asked “Aren’t you supposed to be with Moon for a girls night” Chan asked Nay “No, was I?” she replied confused “She said she was going out with you, where did she go?” Chan asked worriedly

A/N: I did proof read, but let me know if you find any typos 

[innittowinit]

Abandoned amusement parks are the best place for young children  (chapter 21)

Fic summary:

Techno, Tommy, Wilbur and Phil have been hanging out at the abandoned amusement park in the woods since they moved in. Techno likes knowing he's definitely alone with his brothers Tommy likes climbing on the old rides Wilbur likes having a place to play his music Phil likes spending time with his younger brothers

That is, until a group of brothers calling themselves the 'dream team' move in down the road. Will the sleepy boys give in and share the park or will they succeed in scaring the new kids off?

Chapter summary:

sometimes school gets tough but friends are always there to lend a hand right?

Chapter word count: 1433

AO3

Yeah… It was starting to get a little obvious that Eret was avoiding them, when they had passed him a note in science he immediately bunched it into his pocket, when they tried to catch him between lessons he acted like he was in a rush and when they tried to find him at break it was like he had just vanished into thin air. Wil wasn’t stupid. He had been suspicious since the texts started to diminish but now it was pretty much just a plane fact, as much as it pained him to admit, he had hoped this time would be different and they could actually keep a friend for once but he guessed that was just wishful thinking.

Really, it wasn’t common for Wil to be the one zoning out in class, that was definitely more something Techno would do, but of course anyone would be a little distracted if they were trying to figure out friendship issues when they were so inexperienced. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t noticed Techno tugging on his sleeve at first.

A little flashcard was slid across the desk, a note from his brother it seemed. ‘Can we leave for a bit? I need a break’

Obviously, the note had to be short to fit on the small piece of paper, plus it wasn’t necessarily needed considering Wil could usually understand the problem from the tugging alone. Not wanting a repeat of the ticket-booth incident, Wil scrambled in his pocket for a little laminated slip of paper, hopping up and quickly going to the teacher’s desk to place it before ushering his brother out of the room.

Recently, the staff had been trying to help them a little more, Wil thought it definitely seemed like their therapist had emailed them or something by the looks of it, that or they had noticed how shaken up Wil had been recently and wanted to try and be as accommodating as possible. That being said, recently they had each been given a little pass that could let them leave the classroom without question if they gave it to a teacher, meaning they’d no longer be getting in trouble every time one of them was just having an overall bad day and wasn’t able to deal with that environment.

Once out of the room, Wil breathed a sigh of relief and started to lead Techno down to an empty classroom where they could hopefully talk about why the card had to be used.

Now that they were alone, Techno was visibly more comfortable, going forward to sit on one of the desks as he fiddled with his ponytail. More often than not, there wasn’t some big emotional gesture whenever they left, sometimes a TA would come and find them with some work they could be doing on their own but generally they seemed to understand that sometimes they weren’t in a state to be doing the work.

“Are you okay then?” Wil hummed as he hopped up to sit on the desk too, flopping backwards a bit. “I think that’s the first time I remembered to give the card in first”

“I’m okay, just a lot of noise in there” A sigh escaped his lips as he leaned his head on Wilbur’s shoulder, gently pushing Wil’s thigh a little bit away from his own since having thing’s touching him when he hadn’t consciously decided for it never really helped with sensory overload. As always though, Wilbur was understanding, always trying to be careful with Techno whenever he needed a break.

“I was thinking..” Techno had hummed “we can just like...talk to Eret, right? Like if we tell him it’s important and that we noticed he’s been running off lately, no way he��d just leave then, Right?”

Wilbur gave a solem little nod, appearing to finally accept the reality that maybe they had messed up and pushed their friend away. With a little bite onto the inside of his cheek, it was obvious that he was mulling over their past few interactions, searching and scanning for any kind of answer for how they might have hurt him.

“We need to meet up with Dream and his lot after school though so maybe we should leave it till tomorrow? I know Phil will be there but I don't want to risk getting all emotional again”

With another nod, Wilbur took out his phone, tapping on the old arrow buttons until he got to Eret’s contact, just wanting to review what they had said to him once more.

---

Message history:

Saturday 7:34 PM Eret: *Image attachment* Eret: Reminded me of you two lol

               Wilby Soot: Much agreed, Much agreed Wilby Soot: Hang out later?

Eret: Cant, busy :/ Another time

       Monday 4:45 PM Wilby Soot: Tech wants to know if you’re gonna play mc with him

Eret: Homework UGH Eret: Busy man sorry :/

       Tuesday 8:58 PM Wilby Soot: Let us know if we overstepped any boundaries okay x Wilby Soot: We aren’t really used to this stuff, we care abt you tho

---

It felt a bit depressing to be looking over all the old messages, the feeling was akin to when you eat too much and wake up in the middle of the night feeling super nauseous.

Alas though, life never seemed to go easy on the two brothers as the door to the door to the empty classroom’s door swung right open. At first, Wil had thought it was a teacher coming to deliver some work for them to do but as he heard the familiar sound of yelling and laughter, he soon realised the much more likely reality of it being a group of boys who were skipping class.

Quickly, fight or flight seemed to kick in, letting him shuffle back over to Techno and grab hold of his hand, just in case. It was pretty much a given that they were going to be getting made fun of, sure the majority of students left them alone now, taking about them behind their back at worst, but the kind of guys who carelessly skipped without any reason definitely felt like the type that would tease them for being so close. They didn’t understand. They wouldn’t understand. They just hadn’t experienced life like they had.

The mantra repeated in his head as he controlled his breathing, forcing his eyes to the floor as he waited to be laughed at. This wasn’t exactly a rare occurrence but that didn’t mean it was all nice and fine, he just had to keep himself calm, for Techno, he couldn’t let his brother be stranded without someone who could interpret for him.

The laughter had pretty much died down as the group came to stand in front of them, seemingly now aware of their presence in the classroom, but the teasing didn’t start straight away. Certainly, this felt like something strange so Wilbur gingerly lifted his head back up only to be met with the familiar tall frame of his friend.

“Eret?”

Surrounding him there was a group of other boys who all seemed to carry themselves in a similar vein, all very stylish and put together, a stark contrast to the twin’s hand-me-down clothes and patchwork sewing spots. Wilbur couldn’t really identify all of the boys, some were from their Year but some looked a bit older, maybe year 9’s or year 10’s.

“Uh...hi. Guys, this is Wilbur and Techno...I uh.. I know them from class”

The familiar sound of muttering was echoed around the room as the boys seemed to try and decide what they were going to do with them. Predictably, it was all the usual ‘oh they’re the quiet ones’ ‘The tall one is really clingy’ stuff, at first it would hurt them but they’d grown a pretty thick skin by now, they didn’t really care about what a bunch of random guys thought of them.

They didn’t care. It didn’t matter. They were used to it.

They didn’t care and it definitely didn’t hurt that Eret hadn’t introduced them as friends and it absolutely absolutely didn’t hurt at all that these were the people he was hanging out with.

“Dude, these your little friends, man?” One of the heftier boys had laughed, elbowing Eret in the ribs lightly as he teased him. That didn’t hurt either, their affection and friendship being used as an insult.

Eret looked at them for a couple seconds, expression unreadable.

“Man no way! I wouldn’t be caught dead hanging out with them!”

Oh..

Oh wow.

Okay fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, clyde edition 

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: Clyde Ephraim Aarons  2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? I was named after Bonnie & Clyde. My parents were police officers at the time. And Ephraim means ‘being fruitful’. I’m not really sure why my parents gave me that speficic name 3. Do you have any nicknames? Not that I know of. Other than in bed.  4. Where were you born? And in which country? Holmes Chapel, United Kingdom 5. What is your date of birth? May 5, 1996  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? My zodiac sign is Taurus 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? Not really. It does not make any sense to me?  8. Where do you live? Violet Springs, United Kingdom 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I live together with my wife and dogs. We have our own apartment 10. Do you have any siblings? No, I’m an only child 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? I do not have any allergies  12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? My wife has a couple of dogs 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? The reason why I applied is because I’d like to persue a career in performing and making music. I love standing infront of a crowd and sharing my passion and story with others, through songs  14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? I was accepted after 1 round  15. What is the current course you’re following? Music. Focused on songwriting 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? Maybe acting? Acting would be pretty interesting?  17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? Fine Line. Especially Treat People With Kindness 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? Soraya’s latest album, Romance is one of my favorites. Or also Holy by Dallas, such a beautiful song and raw 19. Do you like FanCons? I absolutely love ‘em 20. What do you like about FanCons? Personal interactions with fans  21. What don’t you like about FanCons? Since there are so many of them, I’m not able to meet them all. So, it upsets me that some fans are not able to meet their idols  22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. When I gave away tour tickets to some of the fans. An act of my love towards them  23. Your favorite event so far? I love all the events. The ones that are a bit weird to me are the ones where you have to switch partners? I’m very loyal and to me, it’s odd  24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? More fundraising concerts 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? Definitely! 

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? Ambitious, steady and loving. I think? 27. What are you negative traits? I think that one of my negative traits that I can be over-protective in some kind of way 28. What would other people describe you as? Ask the others? I have no idea 29. What are your pet peeves? People who think that / I / talk slow 30. What makes you happy? Happiness  31. What makes you upset? Bringing up past experiences  32. What is something you love? Performing. Besides my wife, it’s my biggest love and I really don’t want to be do doing anything else 33. What is something you dislike? Disloyalty. Or being vague 34. What are you strengths? How much I’ve grown the last year? I’ve grown a lot and I consider myself strong in any kind of aspect  35. What are you weaknesses? Opening up too much and being scared that people will leave me. I’ve been left alone many times before  36. A misconception people often think of you? That I’m probably still a d*ck 37. Do you have any fears? Death scares me 38. What scares you the most? Death 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? Go for a jog or walk, write music, read a book 40. What is your MBTI? ENFP, I think?  41. How do you deal with stress? Talk to my wife about it. It helps a lot  42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Determind 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? When I have to, yes. It’s important to think about yourself, no matter what others think in that moment  44. Would you like to be different? No. I’m very happy with who I am now 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Extrovert 

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? I consider myself as pansexual 47. Current relationship status? I’m married to Poppy Murry, who is also now known as Aarons. We married in Hawaii in 2020. It’s a priveledge to be married to her  48. When was your first kiss? Probably around 12/13 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? No idea. Probably snuck out of the house and went to a party? For goodness sake.. 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? I have  51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) I currently am, and yes I have 52. If no, how so? n/a 53. How do you know when you’re in love? When home becomes a person 54. What would be your ideal date? It would be old-fashioned. I love exploring new places and get to know other cultures more 55. What is your perspective on marriage? From a married man’s perspective, it’s wonderful. However, my advice is to not rush into marriage. Divorce is awful. Only marry when the both of you a one hunderd percent commited  56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? Dom. Sometimes a switch 57. What do you think of relationships? When you find the right person, everything just clicks 58. What do you think of one-night stands? In my past, I used to see women a lot. However, now, I’m a loyal man. I don’t do that anymore 59. Are you still a virgin? No, I’m not 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Be yourself. Don’t put up a facade just to impress someone. Be you 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Commitment and equality. It’s important to, whenever you’re both have different views, to find a middle ground 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? I love to show off Poppy. So, yes, I’d say that I’m comfortable with PDA 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? I’d a charmeur, of course I’m the one who asks you out 64. How do you express love to the other? In music and loyalty. All of my feelings are expressed into my songs. I’m pretty much an open book, nowadays  65. Who is your celebrity crush? Jennifer Anniston

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes, a lot 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? If I could rewind to my past and do things differently, I would. I have hurted a lot of people and thinking back to it, pains me. I’m sorry to all the ones that faced me and my troubled mind 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? What really happened on the night that my parents were taken from me 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? I’m not really a crier? If there is something on my mind, I don’t hold it back and I immediately go to my wife or father-in-law to talk about it 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: My time in One Direction is something I’m always grateful for 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Once again, my past 72. Someone you miss? Elliot. He’s my best friend. I miss my pal 73. Something you wish you could forget? Anything that happened in my first couple of years of St Judes  74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Poppy 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? It used to scare me. But surrounding myself with positive people has helped me a lot  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Losing a parent, or both of them  77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Something I gained? Confidence, happiness and success. Something that I have lost? Attitude. Something I let go of during the past year? Not to worry so much what people think 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? No 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? Not really. I used to struggle with a pain killer addiction a couple of years ago, and also had anger / violence issues. I went to therpay for this and it’s been years since I’ve ever become so angry.  80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? Well, little Clyde, this is the start of a huge journey for you. Life isn’t going into the direction the way you want it to go and along the way, you lose the two biggest loves of your lifes, your parents, who will be taken from you during a robbery. You are going to find yourself in a deep and dark place that you won’t be able to get out of. Drugs will numb you. Alcohol will help. However, there are people who really care about you and no matter what, you’re going to be ok

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs 83. Beach or mountains? Both, I love both  84. Phone calls or texting? Texting  85. Have you ever skipped class? No

[crazyclonefan]

A chance to say goodbye

I wrote this right after tcw 7 finale and completely forgot to post it. Oops. 

Very angsty. 

Summary: It took Kix a long time to get used to the idea that nothing he once knew existed anymore. He meets Ahsoka and she takes him to the snowy planet where Jesse died.

It took Kix a long time to get used to the idea that nothing he once knew existed anymore. That the Republic being replaced by the Empire. His brothers fought and died for three long years for nothing. They all became toys in the hands of the cruel Emperor. That the war ended with the destruction of the Jedi Order. That while he was sleeping, the Empire fell under the onslaught of the rebels and in its place the New Republic was born. And that fifty years have passed since the separatists kidnapped him.

Fifty years ... Kix felt completely devastated when he learned of this. Waking up from stasis, he hoped it wasn't too late to prevent a catastrophe. That he could prove to General Skywalker that Fives was right and that the Chancellor was really up to something terrible. But ... He was late. Hopelessly late. There was no more Republic to warn, and no more brothers he desperately wanted to save. The realization that he was the last clone tore his heart apart.

It hurt Kix to think of his brothers. But it was especially hard from the unknown. How did Jesse die? Did he obey Order 66 and become a stormtrooper, or did he die long before that? What happened to Rex? Did he decide to remove the chip, or did he obey the order and kill General Skywalker? What happened to Echo and the Bad Batch? A lot of questions were spinning in his head, but he had no answer to any of them. But the most painful thing was to realize that he could not say goodbye to any of them.

He was grateful to the pirates of the Crimson Corsair, even if they helped him out of selfish motives. The destruction of the old bases of the separatists helped him to feel like a soldier of the Grand Army of the Republic again. A republic that will no longer appreciate his efforts. But when was it different? But that was the only goal that helped him move on.

  What will happen when the last base is destroyed? Kix didn't want to think about it. Kix tried not to think about the future at all. Fifty years ago, life was much simpler and clearer. He was a soldier who took care of the health of his brothers and the general. He fought for peace and saved lives. Did he think about the future then? Of course yes. But in those dreams of the future, there were always brothers by his side, and he did not feel so painfully lonely. The future now seemed like something cold and hopeless.

***

Another planet where pirates wanted to sell their loot. Another cantina where Kix wanted to get drunk so as not to think about anything. And as always, he only felt worse.

"Kix?"

Kix froze at the familiar voice. He turned around and faced the surprised blue eyes. If their owner hadn't touched his shoulder, Kix wouldn't have believed it was true. He hadn't expected to see Ahsoka Tano alive.

Fifty years ago, Ahsoka Tano was a child. She was cocky, smiling and brave. He trusted her with his back more than he could count. Kix remembered her this way and mourned her death along with General Skywalker.

    The woman in front of him didn't look like that child. Her face was adorned with wrinkles, her montrals and lekku were much longer than before, and her eyes were full of sadness and surprise. If not for the familiar pattern on her face, he might not recognize her.

"Commander Tano?"

“It's so unusual to hear that title again,” a smile touched her lips. "Since Rex died, no one else has called me that. It happened two and a half years ago."

Something inside him broke. He was late again. If he had been found much earlier, he would have had the opportunity to spend time with the captain ... If only he could have prevented the disaster ...

He spoke and spoke, not paying attention to the flowing tears and the fact that people had already begun to look back at them. He didn't care about anyone but Ahsoka. It was as if he was still somewhere deep down hoping that the information that he learned could save at least someone. Maybe it was so. He didn't know how she survived Order 66, but he certainly didn't want her to believe that his brothers betrayed her of their own accord.

He could have saved everyone if he had been more careful in his investigation. He should have shared this information with Rex much earlier. He had to ... The only thing he could do now is to save at least the memory of them.

Ahsoka also had tears in her eyes as she hugged him tightly.

“I never blamed any of them. None of them wanted this, none of this was their conscious choice. The Emperor did everything so that none of us could stop it. By the time it started, nothing could be fixed. So please don't blame yourself. "

It was weak consolation, but Kix felt a little better. Perhaps at that moment, she used the Force to soothe his pain. Perhaps the reason was that she understood him much better than the pirates of the Crimson Corsair, who never knew his brothers. Ahsoka knew them all. Or perhaps he felt better from the realization that this information, even after fifty years, reached the ears of the Jedi.

When Ahsoka finally released him, Kix finally braced himself to ask the question that had tormented him for a long time.

"Did Rex tell you how ... how Jesse died?"

Ahsoka nodded, her eyes downcast.

"Follow me, I'll tell you along the way. It's a long story and I don't want anyone else to listen to us."

***

She spoke only when the ship went into hyperspace. Kix could see how hard it was for her to think about it, but it was what both of them needed. What he personally needed. All this time, while he was tormented by the unknown, Kix imagined all sorts of options for what could happen to Jesse and the others. But he did not suspect that what actually happened would be much worse.

She talked about the siege of Mandalore and what happened on the Republic cruiser when Darth Sidious ordered her to be executed. How Rex gave her a clue, how she removed his chip, and how Jesse fought them despite the ship falling apart.

It was unbearable to know that Jesse was a victim of the chip. Jesse would never point a blaster at Rex, whom he respected with all his heart. Kix remembered exactly how Tap had behaved when his chip crashed. And he was horrified by the very thought that Jesse was trapped in his own head, repeating just one phrase that controlled him like some droid. Good soldiers always follow orders. Even if this order was to kill your own brother ...

Jesse was a good soldier and a great friend. He had a great sense of humor and always gave good advice. He was a man! A human, not a meat droid. And he deserved the best. All his brothers deserved a better fate than what the emperor condemned them to.

Kix could feel his head spinning and his heart breaking in pain. It could have been different if only he had not been so weak then. If only he hadn't drawn Count Dooku's attention to himself ...

The old, shattered Venator lay on the planet's surface as a memorial to the fallen Republic and its loyal soldiers.

Time took its toll. Snow wrapped his brothers in a thick white blanket, allowing only a few of their helmets to look out. They looked at him indifferently with the darkness of their visors, forgotten and alone, like the entire era of the Jedi. Like the Republic they once fought for.

Ahsoka touched his shoulder and quietly returned to the ship, leaving him alone with his pain. Kix was grateful to her for that.

 Having dug up the snow a little, he saw what he was looking for. He lifted Jesse's helmet and ran his fingers over the nearly faded Republic symbol at its base. Jesse did his best to make this symbol visible once he became an ARC-trooper.

Kix could not help remembering how Jesse had been bragging to all the brothers for a whole week about his new armor and the fact that he was now an ARC-trooper. It was very funny for the first couple of days, and then Kix would just roll his eyes when Jesse started talking about it again. He was so proud to be promoted to lieutenant and become an ARC-trooper!

He was one of the most loyal soldiers of the Republic and took pride in his service. This is what this symbol was supposed to represent.

        Kix couldn't hold back his tears when he saw the burns and abrasions that the helmet received, probably after the ship fell. He didn’t want to think about what his friend was experiencing and what Jesse was thinking in his last minutes, and whether he could think about anything other than a damn order in general. Was he afraid of death at this moment? Did he die quickly, without feeling anything, or did he suffer before he died?

Jesse always did what he thought was right. This is why he agreed with Fives' plan on Umbara, which is why he did so many good things. He shouldn't have died like this, a limp puppet in the hands of the emperor, wanting to kill his own brother and Commander Tano.

Kix pressed his forehead against Jesse's helmet, finally being able to say goodbye to his best friend properly. With a friend whom he actually doomed to a terrible death. If only he could tell about the conspiracy before he was captured ... If only he was not so weak and captured by the droids ... If ... Jesse and Rex would not have to go through all of this. Their brothers would not have to die in vain. And Rex would not have been plagued by guilt all his life, burying all the brothers he ever loved.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered, hoping desperately that Jesse would hear him on the other side. "Forgive me, brother."

    The last time they saw each other, Jesse was filled with hope for the future. They both dreamed of getting drunk in '79, once the war was over. How they will stick together and will definitely find something to do in a new peaceful life. Kicks wondered what Jesse was thinking when he suddenly disappeared without giving any reason.

"Sleep well, Jesse... I'll see you on the other side."

Kix forced himself to leave Jesse's helmet in the snow where his body rested. He did not find the strength to separate them. This place has been a monument to the Grand Army of the Republic for these long fifty years and should remain so in the future. Someday he, too, will be under this snow next to his brothers.

***

The way back to Felucia went in silence. Kix felt devastated. He was grateful to Ahsoka for not trying to convince him again that everything that happened was not his fault. Whatever she said, he could never forgive himself after what he saw today.

"What do you intend to do next?" She asked when the ship finally landed in port.

“I don’t know,” Kix replied honestly, wiping his eyes. “Back to the Crimson Corsair's team.

He must finish what he started. There were still two bases that he needed to destroy. In memory of Jesse and all those brothers who stayed on that snowy moon. In honor of all the clones that died decades ago. What will happen next? Who knows. He'll think about it later.

“If you are sure of this, then I have no right to stop you.” Ahsoka smiled at him. “But if you ever get tired of being a pirate, let me know. I know people who will welcome a skilled soldier. "

"I'll think about it," Kix found the strength to smile. - "But I have to finish what I started."

Ahsoka nodded in understanding and rubbed her chin thoughtfully, looking somewhere behind Kix. Merry sparks lit up in her eyes.

"Do you mind if I join you? Destroying Separatist bases sounds like an interesting idea."

“How can I refuse you, Commander?” Kix's smile was sincere this time. “Only one condition. Don't throw me with the Force like you used to do with Captain Rex. "

Ahsoka laughed.

"I will try to resist the temptation."

He saw before him the old Ahsoka Tano now. For some reason, his soul became a little calmer. For the first time in these long months, he could finally think about his future, and it no longer seemed so lonely.

  He knew he could not forgive himself or bring his brothers back. But he can still do something for them. He will live honoring their memory for as long as he can. Until one day meet them again.

[thejosh1980]

Don't you know that you're toxic?

I was in a toxic relationship...

In fact I have been in a few... But the last one is the one I can still remember in some detail...

The first few, well they were immature drunk and disorderly scenarios. They are not important in this story, other than you should be aware I was pretty repetitive towards my approach to relationships back then.

The story I would like tell is about the 7 year old relationship that ended in March 2019.

This particular relationship had the biggest effect on me, my well being, and my happiness. And even though I married an amazing woman earlier this year, that last relationship is still a reminder of the baggage I have held onto since my first relationship.

It's time I unloaded that baggage and shed my skin.... Even if it's just a little bit... You know, small steps...

So, lets call my ex “Grumpy”...

In fact that's a name an American girlfriend of a drummer of a band we were watching called her once in Germany, literally minutes after meeting her. I should have seen that red flag even back then...

Look, Grumpy isn't a bad person, deep down I think she means well... But she just hasn't been able to get past her past... She wont let go of any stubborn insecurities, learn new coping mechanisms, and she wont forgive herself, or you for that matter... At least that's what I've experienced with her.

It's like whenever things don't go her way, whenever she's frustrated or doesn't know how to cope, she'd revert back to a 14 year old girl, which is when she had troubles with her Mum.

I mean honestly, who didn't have troubled teenage years??

I'm not saying she doesn't have a right to feel pain about some significant event or trauma, but she surely can't hold it over my head and expect me to hang around, forever...

During our relationship, I explained to her, that when I went into therapy (which at the beginning she thankfully helped me do) I had no idea what to expect. But I knew I couldn't continue the way I was and expect a happy outcome.

It took a long time, but I processed many of the issues and events of my past, which in turn helped my current situation and had a positive effect on my future. I learned new ways on how to cope with current problems, insecurities and learn to take responsibility for my actions and choices in life...

I forgave my Dad for not being a good father. I understand, he just didn't know better and chose not to learn how later in life... It's no excuse but I find some comfort in knowing I wasn't the problem. These days, I can be comfortable in his presence, no longer hoping for the Dad I've always needed, but enjoy his company for what it is...

I forgave my sister for her misgivings. She's a tough cookie, and very jealous of me. I think she's very jealous of my relationship with Mum, but my sister hasn't taken responsibility for her actions, and therefore it will be a long road before I can trust her, but I'm totally OK with that. She has her problems, and they are not mine to take responsibility for, anymore.

My grandparents on both sides were hard work over the years. I thought it was my fault too! But really it was their lack of empathy and understanding that created an atmosphere of negativity. They had every opportunity to be a good example to an impressionable young me. Luckily I learned to forgive them, even if I didn't actually say that to them while they were still alive. I forgave them and myself for contributing to the escalation, rather than finding resolution.

Grumpy knew I did this (and more) in therapy, and refused to consider it.

Now in all fairness, I originally refused to entertain the idea of counseling too, as I had a negative experience in my younger days (just like Grumpy), but when I reached my first breakdown around 2014 in a foreign country, I knew I needed help and I asked...

You know, I know she's still hurting over her past...

How can I tell?

Because it's been 18 months since I broke up with her, and she continues to create drama, instead of “adulting” and talking to me about it.

She's had every opportunity to deal with these post break up problems we all have had to go through like an adult (you know, splitting up the household belongings etc), without fail each time she has deflected, ignored, created more drama, lied or done something else that shows me, she has not recognized her part in our story.

Let's face it, it takes 2 to tango...

I've come to realize she treated me the way she did during our relationship, because she took me for granted. She thought I'd never have the courage or strength to actually leave her. I sure proved her wrong, didn't I!!!

We started our relationship drunk, and continued like that for 2 or so years. Grumpy and I could drink a lot, and did... We both were a bit rounder then too! We were never fully honest with each other or ourselves. I would say, we probably should have just been a short term fling, because we both weren't ready for long term, but we dived in anyhow...

That journey got me here, and that's totally fine. I have no regrets...

In case you didn't know, I wasn't a very strong person back then. I had little self esteem, and little self worth. So it was easy for both of us to “beat on” each other verbally and not resolve any issues. That's easy to do when someone just can't listen without demeaning you, without taking your feelings and smashing them against the wall... I was always ALWAYS in trouble. She was too sometimes back then... We both were in trouble...

As time went on with my therapy I processed a lot of things, and became ready for long term... I also knew I wanted to move back home, down under, eventually. That would be a hard decision, with or without Grumpy. I just couldn't imagine piling on more stress on top of stress with that relationship. I came to realize there was no future there unless something changed. We had to listen to each other, we had to trust each other, we had to respect each other.

I know I am not perfect, but surely if I can forgive her for things, she could step my way a little... Couldn't she? Didn't she have the power to learn to forgive? I mean really forgive someone and love them for all their faults? Didn't she have the power to grow? Unfortunately she didn't... I knew she didn't process anything because she was bringing up stuff from 2 or 3 or 6 years ago...

When I sobered up and seriously got into therapy, I had no idea what road it would take me down... But after talking about all my family issues, social anxiety issues and depression, the last thing was Grumpy. It took almost 5 years to get to the point where I acknowledged I was unhappy, I realized I didn't trust her and I couldn't see a future with her...

I just couldn't talk to her anymore. We just didn't trust each other anymore... That's the point...

The day we broke up, I had written her a letter, and I read her this letter. I read out a letter I had spent weeks writing making sure my adult words were being used (because without the letter I knew I'd revert to something less mature and less communicative). I clearly stated after trying many times, trying for years to correct our problems, I had come to realize we couldn't go forward. I decided we would break up to save each other from unnecessary pain. I couldn't see any steps going in the right direction in our relationship anymore...

I loved her, but it just wasn't working out, and didn't show any signs of improving.

Her first words were “I knew it” with tears rolling down her face...

I didn't want to do it, but I made a choice... Based on the past, for the present, to better my future.

Honestly I don't know if she wanted to recognize any of those times I tried to talk to her. She didn't want to see the signs. When she got frustrated and yelled at me, and I sat quietly listened and did my best not to raise my voice back. When I tried to talk sense to her she'd react like I was talking crazy.

Maybe she was scared? After all, change is a scary thing.

I changed a lot in those years since I started therapy and stopped drinking, always hoping Grumpy would come my way a little... For several years I was a huge contributing factor to our fights, but as time went on and I learned and grew, I started to de-escalate those fights. (Which generally made things worse!).

Apparently she didn't get the memo...

And she continues to blame me for that mistrust, because that's the way it goes when you don't take responsibility for your actions... It's always someone else's fault... The world owes me...

Even though she's been in a committed relationship since the beginning of 2020, she still hasn't let go of any anger, hurt, or resentment towards me. Her actions clearly show she hasn't processed our relationship, start, middle, or end, and would prefer to block me or stop all communication with me, before dealing with herself. She'd prefer to tell everyone else how bad I was, what I owed her, what I did to her, than think about her actions and how they affected our relationship.

It's like history repeating itself... And I am finding freedom in the fact I am no longer a character in her story.

I'm quite sure she'll keep the narrative within her circle of friends to make her look good, and me bad. But I like my narrative more (who wouldn't?), I feel we both were a mess... We were having a negative affect on each other. How or why, isn't as important as learning that communication, trust, forgiveness and respect are the things that were missing...

In fact, I think she dislikes anyone who has shown personal growth... It scares her... I think she's comfortable in her denial... She blames her Mum or her grandma... She blames me... Not once had I ever heard in all her years of coming home from work, “Oh it was me...”, “I did something wrong...” or “I messed up, I better say sorry...”

So how could I stay with someone who didn't take any responsibility?? How can I love someone who doesn't say “sorry”?

I was heart broken during the time leading up to reading Grumpy that letter...

I went back and forth in my head, could I see a future??? But in the end I couldn't... The one thing I realize, that is so important in my relationships, is good ol' communication. We lost that, when we lost the trust... It all turned toxic... Manipulative.... Twisted...

I wish her all the happiness the world throws at her.

We all deserve happiness... But Grumpy, sometimes you gotta work at it...

I could spend my time blaming her for so much of it but in the end, it was down to me. I am the one master of my fate... Just as she is... Then and now...

Thanks for reading,

Josh