#sorry long post y’all

[anothersuperstition]

will you welcome your extinction in the morning rays?

[ghost-proofbaby]

hey y’all!

so i’ve been considering this a lot in the past few weeks, and figured i’d make an official post so you all know i’m alive and what not since i have been very much inactive as of recently.

i’m taking a break.

not forever! not because of anything in the fandom! this break is solely due to personal life reasons and the fact i just can’t be as active on here right now between my jobs and personal affairs. and it also won’t be long — i’m going to be off here probably through the end of november. if i have the time/mental capacity to come back before then, i absolutely will 🖤 but right now, tumblr isn’t something that fits easily within my days and also, writing for my fics hasn’t been something i can easily do not due to lack of inspiration but lack of time.

again, this is just due to my own personal life currently. nothing happened in the fandom that motivated this decision (i honestly don’t even know what’s happening on here currently solely because i haven’t had the time to scroll lol) and it’s very much not permanent, and will HOPEFULLY be very short. like i said, until the end of november. i’ll still be writing in my free time, and my hope is to be able to update fics once i’m back and worse better than ever! 🖤

see y’all in december <3

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Hints That Buddie Is Going Canon!!

Ok after last nights wonderful episode, I went back and reread every single interview Oliver and KR have given since the start of 6b and oh gosh, I think they’ve been hinting at Buddie this entire time. Here are some important takeaways from Oliver and KR!!

“This is all about Buck learning who he is and embracing that he’s enough as he is.”—literally the one person who always supports and embraces Buck for who he is has been Eddie. We saw that last night as well. We saw with the whole “I know you did” in 4.04. Now it’s about Buck learning who he is and maybe uncovering things about himself that he hasn’t before. That’s not even mentioning Eddie’s and Buck’s parallels of wanting to be enough for someone.

“I think the main thing for him is that anybody that he is to become romantically entwined with has to meet him where he is.”—Who literally met Buck at the door yesterday when he was trying to escape everyone? Oh yeah, Eddie. Not only that, but Eddie is the one person who wouldn’t have a problem in meeting Buck where he is in his life and being completely fine to start up a relationship. He��s so supportive and understanding of Buck and his decisions. It’ll be the only reasonable partner for him.

“He’s becoming very settled in himself, and if that person that he ends up partnering with isn’t ok with that, then they’re just not the right person.”— Love the gender neutral terms he always uses and we know Buck’s partner in the show is Eddie. He also was very settled on Eddie’s couch in last nights episode when he fell asleep so comfortably. Eddie opened his home to him and accepted what he needed without pushing for more. It was his own way of proving to Buck that he’s ok with everything Buck throws his way. He’s accepting of it and I think we’ll see more of that in upcoming episodes.

“He’s going to be comfortable with who he is.” —something about this seems like he’s going to come to some realizations about himself and be completely ok with that.

“The show is certainly gonna make some experimental choices going forward.” —Experimental choices?!? We all know people who are curious or questioning something about themselves, such as their sexuality, that they tend to experiment and see what results it yields. So I think it’s possible we’ll see some sort of experimental choices when it comes to Buck and Eddie and their relationship.

“But then I think following the struggle, there’s potential for peace and for him to feel a little more grounded.” —This was in midst of his character’s recovery process. We saw Buck struggle last episode but when did he feel most grounded? When he was in Eddie’s presence. Eddie grounds Buck and we even got that distinct parallel with Bobby and Athena in the same episode. Need I say more?

“He is in his early 30s, and he’s figuring things out about himself and using them as chances to upgrade who he believes he is.” —Figuring things out? About himself? If that’s not queer coded then idk what it is. The man is gonna figure out things about himself, such as possible feelings for his male best friend and use that as a chance to better himself. So that he can be a better version of himself and be ready for that potential next step with Eddie.

“So him being in a position of such peril, I think is really going to affect them, and is really going to bring out all kinds of emotions, and even the characters that we don’t necessarily get to see that emotional side of so much.” —This can only be about Eddie because we’ve seen all the other characters show their emotions when it comes to other things. The one person who really struggled with showing his emotions has been Eddie. We saw him yelling for Buck and running up to save him. We even got him struggling to keep it together while Buck was in a coma.

“I really like something that we're in the middle of right now. I think the finale is a really fantastic episode. I think it's really, really high octane but really offers a lot in terms of moving these characters forward and putting them in good places.”— There’s been a lot of talk from Oliver and KR about the finale. The fact that Oliver emphasizes the he really, really likes the finale means something great is going to come out of it. Especially considering how he mentions “moving these characters forward”. Like that’s all meant to tease that his character will be in a good enough place in the end right? And he’ll be moving forward. Now let’s look at everything else that’s been said.

“I think the finale is something that people are really going to respond to.”—Ok so he mentions how people are going to respond to the finale and I don’t think this is in a negative context whatsoever. So whatever does happen is going to get a rise (in a good way) out of us.

“I’ve seen some speculation that it might be in a romantic sense. I’m very happy to be clear on that, but it’s not and in fact, I would say it’s very much the opposite of that…He’s very much not pleased to see her.”—We know big things are happening in the finale and that Lucy will be back. He immediately and happily shuts down any “love interest” talk and implies that the reason he sees her may have something to do with someone else. We know from BTS she’s an air medic now. So whatever happens in the finale has to be connected to her reappearance. Well if a certain someone is in danger and they need Lucy’s help to get them out, it could be a reason as to why he’s not too pleased to see her.

“There will be a new couch. And spoiler alert, the new couch might be in some danger before the season is over.”—This is from KR and like sure it can be about anyone m, but let’s really look at what we already know. Buck went to Eddie’s house and safely fell asleep on Eddie’s couch. We know Buck has a new uncomfortable couch but it’s only temporary. We’ve also gotten tons of BTS for the finale and Eddie has been missing for a good chunk of it. I don’t think it makes sense to think there’ll be a new love interest who is this metaphorical couch, who will be in danger before the season ends. The only thing that makes sense is that Eddie is the couch who’ll be in danger.

“I love that the fans have picked up on the symbolism of the couch. Buck is attached to this symbolism of couches being related to relationships, and that's not something that's actually going away anytime soon. Up until Buck's very last scene of the season, we'll see that symbolism at play.”—Oliver once again being one with the fandom and recognizing what we all know. This was done after the couch scene at Eddie’s house and I don’t believe for one moment he would’ve said all of this when he knew that deliberate choice of having Buck on Eddie’s couch existed. This further confirms thet there’ll be no other love interest and that Eddie is the couch in question here. So with everything we know that’s been said about the couch, it’s easy to connect the dots and come to the same conclusion which is that Eddie will be in some kind of danger in the finale. Not only that, but according to Oliver, Buck will be thinking about what that metaphor means to him and we’ll see it all unfold as the season progresses. That last sentence tells me that the last scene we get of Buck will be him accepting who his couch has been this entire time. Which means we’re most likely gonna get a final scene of Buck on Eddie’s couch, making it very clear where their storylines are heading and that’s in a romantic direction.

“Building towards a finale we've been planning since the beginning of the season."—KR literally mentions that the finale has been something they’ve been planning since before the season. What was the very first episode we saw??? The Buckley-Diaz family dinner scene right?? And the first mention of the couch metaphor?! With everything else that’s happened since the beginning of this season, it makes sense that they’ve known from the beginning how their storylines were gonna end by the finale and that’s with us all knowing that Buck and Eddie are heading towards the romantic relationship we’ve all been waiting for year for. These next few episodes leading up to the finale will be crucial to the final outcome and I can’t wait to see how they develop their relationship towards one of romance.

“Eddie is going to start dipping his toe back in the dating waters. We just wanted to have a little bit of fun with it, and he goes out on a date or two and makes various attempts at finding the person that he wants to date seriously, and he has mixed results.”— I wanted to include this too because KR could’ve worded this in numerous ways but she chose to say “mixed results”. I’m firm in my belief that Eddie has to know, at least to some extent, that he has feelings for Buck. So maybe he tries some random dates and comes to the conclusion that he rather be at home or with Buck. And we have that damn poker scene to still look forward to so like maybe he accidentally ends up on a date with Buck and realizes how much better it went compared to the others. The word choice is so loud and compared with everything else, everything just adds up together.

I mean, there’s just a lot that’s being said that really does hint at Buddie going canon. Now whether we get actual love confessions or feelings realization or what, I don’t know. But I do know come the finale, we will all be left in certain terms that Buddie will be going the romantic direction come next season. I am really excited to go on this journey with them because I just know it’ll all be so worth it in the end!

[sirbird]

2/4

[mohay]

thinking about communication...

[stargirlfeyre]

Shit that Rhys gets hate for that never happened in the books or that are completely justified.

“Plotting to become High King.” Rhys has never stated that he wants to be High King and he’s actually said multiple times that he has no plans of becoming one. The idea was brought up by Amren and was shut down quickly by him. I don’t get why y’all are hating on him for it when he literally agrees with you?

“Trying to kill Nesta.” Sadly Rhys has never actually tried to kill Nesta. He threatened to (just like she threatened to kill her baby sister) but he has never done it and he even says that he would never hurt anyone Feyre loves. Quick question though. Nesta’s threat towards Feyre is excused with “she was just angry because her boundaries were being pushed” but why is that logic also not applied to Rhys? He was angry because his wife had a miscarriage thrown in her face. Yet these instances aren’t treated the same?

“Threatening to kill Nesta just because she told Feyre the truth.” The reason he threatened her was not simply because she told Feyre. It was because of how she told Feyre. She threw a dead child in her sister’s face (his child along with Feyre’s) and not only that but she blatantly lied to her sister and said everyone was just going to let her die in ignorance while knowing that that wasn’t true. If someone you cared about was told their child was going to die in the same manner that Nesta told Feyre would you be upset?

“Bullying Tamlin.” His bitch ass deserved it. What do you want me to say?

“Bullying Lucien.” He also deserves it. Seriously though what reason would Rhys have to like Lucien? He’s besties with the man who got his mother and sister killed, he’s the man who tried to force his mate back to her abuser, he’s the man who looked at Feyre with disgust for simply being a part of the IC. What reason do these two people have to like one another? Lucien disliking Rhys is fine but Rhys disliking him is bullying? Need I remind y’all that these are both two grown ass men?

“Forcing traumatized Priestess to work for him.” I didn’t even think people were dumb enough to hate on him for this but here we are. The library is not a prison for the priests who live there. It’s a sanctuary where they are taken to heal and they can leave whenever they are ready to. There are even counselors/therapists there to help them.

“Purposely keeping Nesta ignorant about her powers so he can control her.” If I remember correctly it was actually her who chose to refuse to learn about her abilities and it was her who threw a tantrum when they suggested that she starts learning again. The IC never forced Nesta to be powerless or under their control. She willingly refused to learn about her powers.

“Hating Nesta and abusing her because she didn’t bow to him.” I don’t even know how many times it’s said and shown that Rhys doesn’t enforce rank unless he absolutely has to. His own friends talk shit to him but you actually think he disliked Nesta because she did it? Maybe just maybe his dislike for her came from him watching her repeatedly hurt his wife? You can say he was wrong for defending Nesta against Feyre all you want but painting him out to be the bad guy for simply disliking a woman who hurt his wife is insanity.

Bonus: “Brainwashing Nesta to be happy with how everyone treated her.” This argument is just so unserious I don’t even know how to counter it😭.

“Degrading Azriel and forbidding him to see Elain and in the process taking away their choices.” This is just another instance where he was completely justified in his decision. You have to put yourself in his shoes for a second. One, he’s already stressed out because he thinks that his wife, child, and he himself are going to die and the last thing he needs is to be worried about losing an important ally over Elain and Azriel. Two, from his perspective it looks like Azriel just wanted to fuck Elain and he didn’t actually have feelings for her. “Well how could he not know that Azriel likes Elain” because as I stated before throughout Acosf his main priority was Feyre being pregnant and finding a way for her to survive it. Of course he’s not going to notice two people dancing around one another if he’s worried about his wife dying? A lot of you just forget that Rhys is also a High Lord who will put his people above everything (except for Feyre).

Ending it here even though I could go on and on about how delusional a lot of his antis are. This post would just be way too long.

[jarro-stan-account]

Okay so

once Bruce is back from his field trip in the time stream, I think his kids would pretend he was still gone to cope with The Trauma tm and also to piss him off.

Alfred: Master Jason, where are you going with those tires? Jason: Bruce left every tire he owned to me in his will

Bruce: I did NOT

-

Tim, at the breakfast table: I can’t believe I still make two cups of coffee, one for myself and one for him. Tim:

Tim, swiping Bruce’s coffee: Ah well, it’d be a shame to let it go to waste.

Bruce: Hey-

-

Dick, JL meeting: Bruce loved me for who I was. That’s why, with him gone, I’m making a point to express myself now more than ever. From here on out, I will be wearing the disco wing suit to all JL public appearances-

-

Jon: Are you SURE you’re allowed to do this??? I thought your dad said you weren’t old enough.

Damian: Father… when- when Father was alive. He made sure we were trained to face the dangers that Gotham hides in her shadows. It is imperative that I complete this training. In his memory.

Bruce: Damian Wayne, step away from the Batmobile this instant.

-

Bruce, staring at the dinosaur in the cave that has been painted a bright, lurid purple.

Stephanie: Bruce might have been a GIANT, RAGING, ASSHOLE, but it’s the least I could do to honor his dying wish to paint the entire cave purple. Starting with the dinosaur.

Bruce: Stephanie, no.

-

Batman, landing on the GCPD rooftop: I saw the signal. Situation?

Jim Gordon, to himself: I still can’t believe he’s gone. He seemed larger than life. Sometimes… I light the signal again. To remember what he stood for. To remember the man he was. To remember what he believed, we, as a people, could be.

Bruce:

Bruce: You too?

-

Bruce: Quit telling everyone I’m dead!

Entire family and change: Sometimes I can still hear his voice

[ivymarquis]

Yall are FOUL with some of your usernames ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[aheathen-conceivably]

Ok so I read the post on your thoughts on Gio and the American Dream and I hate to say it … as an immigrant, I understand him.

I also come from a culture where women tend to their male partner's needs and I don't believe he wants to turn Jo into a subservient wife. He fell in love with a lively, free, and wild Jo and loves that aspect of her.

At the end of the day she loves him too so why would she leave? I understand she doesn't like to be dependent of him but where else would she go? There are no parties or glamour, which was her whole thing, anymore. At least the farm offers stability in the economic crisis.

Point is, I understand Gio as an immigrant, but don't understand Jo as a woman.

BABES! We’ve got another one…

(As in me being touched and having no other means to say how much I love y’all takes other than to give them a standing ovation in GIF form).

But you know…there’s a whole lot to break down here, friend, especially about Jo. I think you know what that means! Under the cut we go….

First and foremost, I very much appreciate you saying you understand that aspect of Gio. I did in part write him as a commentary on the immigrant experience in America (filtered through his own personality/character of course), and so to know that is relatable means a lot to me. I don’t think it’s a spoiler to tell y’all his journey is far from over, and you can already see the cracks in his outlook beginning to form. Whenever Jo is depressed he says this quite vividly:

Because you are very, very correct. This isn’t about molding Jo into some subservient housewife, or even eroding those exact qualities that he loves in her. This is about Gio attempting to square what he’s been taught/believes will bring his life happiness and meaning with his own experience and emotions. It’s about the myth of the American dream and the perfect housewife and the very real struggle of those things existing as actual, lived realities.

Because at the root of it, Gio is amalgamating an understanding of his own family unit and what he knows he doesn’t want in this country. He has seen another methods of “making it” in America, and so he thinks if only he can make the “right” choices, he can avoid that, and become the respected and happy man that he wants to be.

Now onto Jo, boy oh boy, Jo….

I think one of the core misunderstandings here is that Jo wants stability. This is kind of the crux built into her desire for control and her never-ending failure to achieve it. She wants to control her surroundings, to make sure nothing and no one can hurt her, but she also wants to feel in a way that is hard to find in a stable, heavily domesticated life. On the flip side, despite whatever imaginary dream Gio has, he’s the same way. They both want a life filled with excitement and new experiences, new people and rushes of emotions. This is one of the ways they differ heavily from Antoine and Zelda.

Now on one level, this is simply the way Josephine is. She’s high energy, fun loving, and insatiable. But on a deeper level, this is tied into her experiences not only as a woman, but as a daughter. She has a brief moment of clarity in that last post where she realizes:

Now I have chosen not to go too in-depth on Josephine’s trauma, but you can see her lay out the course of events here and also her deep hesitation to any of it here. Josephine is still only a teenager in that second post. Her mother not only told her things like that (“this is the weight that prejudice and expectation have placed upon us”) but also “what do you want to be then? Some glorified maid to a man?” (Which, frankly, I can write another Ted Talk about the juxtaposition here, but I think ya'll can pull some threads).

So when you see Josephine’s struggle with control, this is heavily rooted in bodily autonomy. Now all things considered, Josephine has managed to make great strides toward reclaiming this and reasserting not only her sexuality, but also her sense of self in her body. Gio knows this. We see him recognize and respect it quite clearly in that last post. He’s been part of that process for her, and that only adds another element of love, trust, and safety between them.

But on a fundamental level, neither Gio nor Josephine has made the connection between that trauma, her own personality, and why she hates her life now so much:

Here’s the issue right now: Josephine doesn’t feel like she’s living her own life. We have seen how she would like to live in the 20s not just in the parties and glamour, but when she was managing bands. She wants to be fulfilled professionally, through helping people/places she believes in and bettering her own life by bettering theirs. That’s how she gets her joy, and that’s what she would chose to do if given the chance.

And right now, she does not feel like she gets to chose. You’re correct in that part of that is coming from the current economic situation. Again, she sees that herself here. She knows what demons are waiting outside her window, and how easily poverty can make them rearise. That only makes it worse. It doesn’t make the smell of bread (domestic security) any better or more comforting. It makes it bitter, because she didn’t chose it. She was backed into a corner by circumstance (and, as she can sense, by the choices men made for her without telling her), and now she feels like she can’t say no. That’s her ultimate trigger.

Now whether or not that loss of control is simply perceived, or should be offset by how “lucky” she is to be in a stable position in such precarious economic times, we might all have different options on. Even more, I’m sure each of us would answer differently for ourselves in that situation. I know I would. But for Josephine? Not only is this a life she will never find joy in, because even without her trauma, she is an ambitious, restless, and outgoing person with different goals for herself; but that added memory and pain makes her reaction to it all the more volatile.

Perhaps most importantly, Jo feels as though her life is being controlled again, whether by Gio, the reality of the world outside her window, or by her own guilt/love that makes her feel beholden to the people around her (just like it did to her mother). Because you’re right, she does love him. She wouldn’t leave because she doesn’t. If she leaves now, it would leave because she panicked, because she feels like she’s lost all the autonomy she worked so hard to regain and she’ll never feel the fulfillment she felt when she was successfully independent ever again. That’s the element I hope we can understand, even if it’s not what we would do.

[splishsplashyouropinionistrash]

In a kinder world, Mary Hatford would never have married Nathan Wesninski.

Or, maybe she would have. Maybe in a kinder world, Nathan would have learned to be kind, too.

In the real world, Mary knew that no amount of kindness could show Nathan how to be a human. Even the kindest world could not suck the hatred out of his blood.

In a kind world, learning that she was pregnant with Nathan’s son would have been a blessing, not a curse. Giving birth to Abram would have been the happiest moment of her life. Holding her son for the first time, she would have felt nothing but joy and love, hope for the future he would have.

In the real world, Mary was terrified as she looked into her baby’s blue eyes. She knew that the road ahead of them would not be an easy one, knew that her son was not likely to live to adulthood. In the real world, Mary looked down at her son, so innocent and small and absolutely clueless to the monstrous world he’d just been born into, and she cried.

In a kind world, little Abram would never have had to learn how to wield a knife. Mary would never know what it was like to wash a man’s blood off of her eight-year-old son’s face. In a kinder world, her son was allowed to be a child.

In the real world, Abram watched a man die for the first time at five years old. At seven, Nathan bought the boy a dog and then made Abram help him slaughter it. In the real world, her son had taken a man’s life by the time he turned nine.

In a kinder world, They never would have needed to run. Abram would never be in enough danger for that. In a kind world, he would have been allowed to grow up like every other little boy. He would get to run around at the park and scrape his knees and yell as loudly as he could. He would be able to call as much attention to himself as he wanted, and he would never have to worry that death was coming for him.

In the real world, Mary woke him in the middle of the night three weeks after his tenth birthday. In the real world, she either had to take him away or watch him die. It wasn’t a hard choice to make.

In the real world, they ran and they ran and they ran. They could never stop running, not unless they wanted to stop breathing. In the real world, her son lives but he never gets to be alive.

In a kind world, Seattle is just a city. In a kind world, maybe they take a family trip there. Maybe Abram argues with another tourist over something stupid. Maybe they go out to dinner or take pictures at all of the popular sights. Maybe in a kinder world, Seattle is beautiful.

In the real world, Mary can barely remember Seattle. All she can remember is pain and fear and the need to get as much distance between Abram and Nathan as she can. In the real world, she never saw the metal pipe coming.

In a kind world, Mary lives a long life. She watches Abram graduate high school and then college, watches him play exy for years until an injury forces him to retire. She watches him fall in love with the strangest boy she’s ever met, a blond even shorter than she is who rarely smiles and loves to talk about the zombie apocalypse.

In a kind world, Mary is there when Abram gets married. She lives long enough to meet her two grandchildren and a handful of the many cats Abram and Andrew adopt. She lives a long life, and when death takes her, she isn’t afraid.

In the real world, fate isn’t so kind. In the real world, Abram still grows up. He graduates high school, then college. He plays exy for years. He even falls in love, gets married, adopts two kids and an unreasonable number of cats.

But in the real world, Mary isn’t there for any of it. In the real world, Mary doesn’t even get to see Abram turn 18.

In the real world, Mary Hatford dies at age 42, desperate and afraid on a cold stretch of California beach. In the real world, she doesn’t get a happy ending.

[rivalszine]

With 221 interested responses, we are moving forward with our zine! We are so incredibly excited to put this together and share our love for shuake!

Out of our interested parties, we had 111 artists, 75 writers, and 53 merch artists!

We will have digital merch with this zine! Merch types will be finalized when our contributors are picked.

We will be accepting 25-30 artists and 15-20 writers into the zine!

In addition to these, 67% of respondents indicated interest in guest contributors, so we will be picking 5-10 guests from the creators recommended. (Meaning the total number will range from 45-60!)

Though Rivals was originally intended to be a free zine, most respondents indicated they would be interested in a small charity donation to access the zine and an optional place to donate to contributors.

We received some fantastic questions! If yours still needs answering, we are reachable through curiouscat, our tumblr inbox, twitter and tumblr dms, and our email. All of these are linked in our carrd! We also have an FAQ in our carrd, so check it out!

We really appreciate all of the support we’ve received so far! Contributor applications open September 9th, and we hope to hear from you again then! Thank you!!!

[velvette3]

(3/29/24)

Why do I feel sad for no reason sometimes? It’s like a sick fuckin joke I swear. Today was such a great and productive day too! My boyfriend is as loving as ever, and he even bought me something! My OC got drawn by someone else so wonderfully and I couldn’t even do her justice w/ her of design! That art is just amazing and beautiful, and it makes me happy!

But yet I feel so sad, like I’m missing something. Maybe it’s just the lingering of my great grandma passing a few months back, but I don’t think so.

My birthday is coming up, I’m excited. I really am, I know for sure at least one thing that is on its way! First time in a few years that I’m excited for my birthday, honestly.

But I just feel sad. Idk, kinda worthless? I love helping people but damnit just seeing those around me struggling, and me not knowing how to help. It’s killing me I think. I’m just glad these are staying in drafts (unless I decide in a half asleep haze to actually post this fuck shit)

I just wanna help people so bad but I’m not able to yet. It’s killing me. I want to help people, I do and helping people makes me so, so happy! It’s what kept me going for a long time. But for that majority of this year, I haven’t been able to help people, and time has gone by too quick. Way too quick. It’s killing me, knowing how fast time is going and how little time I have left in a relaxing life. How little time I may have with people I love. My grandmother on my father’s side isn’t even 20 years younger than the great grandma I lost this year. I’m so scared to lose my Grandma J. I don’t know what I’ll do, and it’s going to be hard once she’s gone, especially when I visit my father.

It’s even worse when there is so much I can’t say to her, and how often I hear her say horrifying things.

I can’t tell her I’m Ace Pan-romantic because she’s Christian, and she talks about death and heaven so casually. I don’t know what’s gonna happen and I’m so, so scared.

So much is just there, and I’m losing so much time. I can’t help people like I want to because I don’t have the time, I can’t spend time with those I love because of how much shit I have to do with my schooling and freaking out about my future (even though it’s already here almost).

Another year I’ve wasted almost, and it’s just moving too quick.

The few things I’m grateful for in this though, are a few people, and my own stubbornness. My boyfriend, god I love him so much. I haven’t said it to him yet, no with the language we speak (English) and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m scared. But I do love him so much. My older brother, E. He’s been there since day one and is so supportive of me. May he be happy in his relationship as it is for him! I love those two shithead so much, and I can’t wait to see my brother again soon, and my boyfriend Just tomorrow maybe!

And my own stubbornness. It’s been almost (at midnight it will be) 191 days since I intentionally self harmed

^ that was the math for months. I am halfway to my head long goal of no self harm, and that has kept me going as well. My stubborn self, whenever I think of self harming, practically on the verge of just doing it, I say I can’t. I’ll be crying and weeping, wishing for pain, but I still can’t bring myself to do it because I promised myself I’d go a year AT LEAST. It’s kept me from giving in, thank god.

But I don’t know, with all of this, even with those few people, if I can do it. I came so close, so so close to giving into the thoughts and shit recently. I’m starting to scare myself. I don’t know what I’m doing, and it’s killing me. Ever since my third grade years, I was horrible when it came to control. That’s when my self harm started, in third fucking grade because I thought I could’ve preventing certain things from happening, had I tried harder. Ever since then I’ve been so hard on myself but FUCK I need to, I deserve it because I’ve let people down so many times, I’ve disappointed so many people so much.

But I dunno. I dunno why I’m so sad when today was so good for me (3/29/24)

I dunno anymore, I just want to help people so bad, I want time to slow down. I want to feel whole. Helping people helps me, and my mentality, so much. But I don’t have the time to help others anymore and it’s so hard to find people to help when everyone has such outta wack time zones.

(3/30/24)

Time is passing too quick and it’s terrifying. On top of that, I’m so scared that if I mess up in my schooling (online schooling anyways) that my parents will call me outta the blue and yell and shit. I remember very vividly back in middle school how I got like, 2-4 states mixed up on my US states quiz that I cried. I cried so hard, fearing that my mother would be angry over a topic I should know well since this is the very country we live in. Thankfully, she wasn’t.

As of now, the grades I’m getting are decent. All A’s, all year round. But I’m struggling in my Spanish. Sure, they may have been more positive about my grades here recently because of the fact that I’m towards the top of my class, but that’s not the point.

Then being happy about it sometimes makes it worse. I fear if I slip even the slightest, their expectations, if I fail them, they’ll be angry again.

I’m so scared to impress them, that I’m making it harder for me because I do so well. I know I do decently, but because of the fact that I rarely mess up, the times that I do, are impactful.

It’s awful, really. I should be happy about my success but it’s just giving me hella anxiety.

I guess this is just a journal now? Meh, it might as well be. Drafts stay drafts, after all.

(Yeah I think this is draft #16?)

[sulevinen]

hey, i haven’t seen the bad batch, is there any specific reason you list it as not tolerated in you pinned post? maybe the reason is obvious but i’m not very plugged online star wars fandom lol

idk how to end this ask so uhh. i hope you have a nice day :)

hello anon!! i have many reasons why i don’t tolerate any bad batch content here and why i hate it a lot.

the first reason is the blatantly obvious racism regarding the batch. they’re not only whitewashed, they’re presented as a ”superior group” better than their more brown counterparts whom the batch also alienates and views as lesser than (calling them ”regs” derogatorily on more than one occasion).

second reason is that i hate the batch’s origins: they call themselves the bad batch while in reality they have DESIRED mutations and they’re treated better by EVERYONE, they get better gear, better ships, they get to choose their missions and they report to no-one. and their mutations? any other clone, if given the same gear and training, could accomplish what they have.

the batch has this victim mentality that everyone is out to get them and despises them, while at the same time they possess a superiority complex, pretending that they are so much better than everyone else. the batch whines about being ”misunderstood” or whatever, while their lives are so much better in every way than the regular clones’, who aren’t even treated as human most of the time.

and third reason, they’re just really, really, REALLY unlikable. not a single good trait in any of them, not a single enjoyable moment. they’re all obnoxious, their personalities are so bland, they all have one defining trait that dominates their whole character (tech is supposedly a genius, wrecker is a strong dummy, hunter has no personality other than being the leader, and crosshair is just an asshole) and they just. they do nothing.

the fourth reason is the way they treat echo. the team behind the show are treating echo poorly, and i’m not letting that slide. they ignore echo’s ptsd, they ignore his disability, they treat him as a machine and make him inhumane, and his role and personality are non-existent in the first season. the batch treats echo better than the other clones because he’s ”like them” despite him still being a regular clone with cybernetics, and in the gregor episode they’re willing to let gregor die because he’s just a reg, while ECHO IS RIGHT THERE.

and the fifth reason is just the show itself, filled with racism, anti-semitism, ableism, etc. cid is a money-hungry lizard voiced by a jewish woman, echo is treated as a machine, then there was this execution squad where the non-white soldiers execute innocent civilians and the only white soldier refuses to do so. and many more instances like this that just scream racism.

it’s just so fucking poorly made. it’s horribe in every way, from the characters to the plot. it’s like a white man’s power fantasy which checks out since the target audience seems to be the white fans who can see themselves in the batch, even though the batch and the other clones are supposed to look like temuera morrison who is a brown Māori man.

here is the carrd made by clonehub, where each problem has been broken down perfectly and explains it better than i ever could:

[jazzyartsssss]

I am swamped with university stuff and work but out of the darkness comes stressy scrunklies

[ssreeder]

Chapters: 15/? Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Aang/Katara (Avatar), others to be tagged later - Relationship Characters: Sokka (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar), Aang (Avatar), Katara (Avatar), Toph Beifong, Jet (Avatar), Suki (Avatar), Kyoshi Warriors (Avatar), Iroh (Avatar), Jee (Avatar), Hakoda (Avatar), Bato (Avatar), A bunch of OCs, Long Feng, Joo Dee (Avatar), Azula (Avatar), Mai (Avatar), Ty Lee (Avatar), Ozai (Avatar), General Fong (Avatar) Additional Tags: Violence, Blood and Injury, War, Minor Character Death, Rape/Non-con Elements, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Attempted Sexual Assault, Major Character Injury, Amputation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, possible major character death, themes similar to the first two books, Sexism, Racism (like has already been written in first two books), dark themes, Human Trafficking, Slavery, Just a lot of dark war-like themes, there will be a battle, Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Injury Recovery, Healing, Underage Sex, Underage Drinking, Animal Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Warnings each chapter, Hopefully some healing for Zuko finally, no promises, but that’s the goal, Reunions, hopefully a happy ending, Sokka gets some healing too, Non-Consensual Drug Use Series: Part 3 of Leaving It All Behind Summary:

-This is the last book of the series LIAB, please go read the other two books before this, or you will be very confused-

Zuko has been taken by the Earth Kingdom army to who-knows-where, and Sokka is determined to get him back.

But he can’t do it alone.

With Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors by his side, Sokka is headed to Ba Sing Se to find Katara and Aang so they can go rescue his fire bender.

Things aren’t as easy as he had hoped. Corruption, lies, and unknown horrors await them inside the city’s walls. None of this is helping Sokka’s mental well-being.

Hakoda and his men face a problem of their own as Azula approaches with the intentions of making it rain fire.

Sokka and Zuko will both find themselves having to reintegrate back into a life they thought they left behind, with people they hardly remember. It isn’t easy for anyone, especially when they don’t recognize the person standing in front of them.

[collectivecloseness]

Watching Robin turning dom is probably such a good part of you two getting it on tho

Oh absolutely. Because I hc her as a switch, but when Robin decides she’s playing dominant, seeing her start that role immediately pushes you into sub space.

Because you know what she’s in the mood for, and you’re playing into her hand so quickly. Not even just for her sake, but watching Robin become that confident dom just makes you want to crawl under her.

She usually starts off acting her same dorky self, but then she quickly switches into that dom tone and look, and the laid back space you’ve been in gets switched straight away, because you know she’s just been leading up to this.

Usually she starts it by being a soft dom, to ease you into it, and you go from laughing with her and both of you having your hands on each other, to Robin keeping that smile you can now see was well planned, as she asks if you’re gonna be such a good girl for her, and tells you how you’re so sweet, with her tongue being a little more involved on your cheek during her kiss there. Her eyes bright but you understand the added reason now.

And your hands go to just clinging onto the edges of her jacket/suspenders, while Robin starts crawling on top of you. Giggling at you, being so good and sweet under her, and you just wanna agree with everything she says because her raspy voice, and her aura of confidence and allure, is making you want Robin to do whatever she wants to you