#spn season 9 reaction

[youchangedmedestiel]

Cas offers gifts to Sam and Dean, and their reaction is really different

Cas knows humans celebrate Christmas every year on December 25th. So now that he is human, maybe he should try it. He also knows that Sam and Dean never do that, at least not as often as the average human as far as he can say, but he wants to offer them gifts anyway. Because they welcomed him at the bunker since the angels fall and that's the least he can do to thank them.

He thought about what he could give them. The brothers are really different from one and other so he must find something that they like, something different for each one of them. He found an idea for Sam when he heard the brothers bickered about their fetishes one day in the war room while he was digging into a book in the library. He discovered Dean’s fetish is cowboys and Sam’s serial killers. He doesn't know much about either of those, but what he do know is that Sam likes to read.

He asked Dean to drive him to the library on December 23th, Dean complained about it. He asked him questions, Cas answers he was searching for a book for himself, Dean still complained, talking about the internet and how Cas could easily order it there but drove him to the library anyway. Cas got out of the little store, happy, because he found what he wanted for Sam. Dean didn’t complain more on their drive back to the bunker after seeing Cas’s smile.

For Dean's gift, the difficult part was to find which to choose, because Dean likes a lot of things, like movies, music, books, porn, burgers, and pies. But the last one Cas knows how special it is for him. He saw it in his eyes multiple times when he talked about it. He could swear the green of them was even more intense when the word 'pie' was pronounced. So he decided to buy Dean a whole pie for him to eat.

On Christmas morning, Cas enters the library where Sam is already searching into the lore about angels falling, the Scribe of God, Abaddon, or any of their current issues. He wrapped the book as best as he could and hides it behind his back as he approaches where Sam is sitting. He clears his throat to get his attention.

"Sam," he calls.

"Hey Cas, I didn't hear you coming." Sam startles but relaxes as soon as he realizes it’s just Cas.

"Here, I have a gift for you." Cas says, handing the gift toward Sam who looks surprised.

"What's that for?" Sam asks, frowning but smiling as well.

"Merry Christmas, Sam - I wanted to thank you for letting me stay at the bunker with you." Sam is still surprised but stands up and grabs the gift anyway.

"Cas, that wasn't necessary, but - huh - thanks, man." Sam smiles and hugs Cas, manly patting him on his back. "I'm sorry I've nothing for you." Sam apologizes, and adds, "Merry Christmas I guess." He didn't actually realized today was December 25th until Cas told him merry Christmas.

"Open it." Cas says, impatient, waving his hand towards the gift. And Sam does, he reads the title. "Oh, thanks, man. I can't wait to read it once I'm done with the lore." Sam is smiling, patting the book’s cover.

"I could help you with the lore, like that you can take some time to read it." Cas is smiling back, happy that his gift is appreciated.

"Yeah," Sam answers and in a second Cas is leaving the library, heading toward the kitchen, where he knows Dean is, drinking his usual first coffee.

"Hello, Dean." Cas says as he enters the kitchen, his arms hidden behind his back.

"Morning, Cas." Dean answers, at the coffee machine, pouring coffee into his empty cup. He is wearing his grey robe like every morning.

"Did you eat yet?"

"No, why?" Dean asks, he turns around to face Cas and realizes he came closer and he is hiding something. "What's in your back?" Cas doesn't wait any longer, feeling too impatient to see Dean's reaction after his success with Sam. He hands the big pie to Dean.

"Merry Christmas, Dean." He says, smiling.

Then, Dean doesn't know if it's because of the exhaustion from endless research, the alcohol from last night he drank to help him finish his lore book, the fact that it is too early for him to think, or his joy to have a whole pie given to him, but the fact is that he takes it from Cas's hands and pecs his lips with his own before walking to the kitchen table to taste his gift, leaving a frozen Cas standing near the kitchen counter.

Dean is settled at the table, his cup of coffee near the pie and a fork in his hand, which he grabbed on his way to the table, ready to dig into it when he realizes what he just did. The fork falls from his hand on the table with a loud, clattering noise, releasing Cas from his frozen state.

Dean turns around and their eyes meet, but they remain speechless. It could be easy to just pretend that it never happened. Cas could walk away and Dean would just enjoy his pie silently. But it's impossible, because it happened and it felt so natural that it took Dean at least 2 minutes to realize what he just did.

"Cas, I'm sor -" Dean starts.

"No" Cas cuts him. "Just don't, don't apologize, please." He walks closer to the table, where Dean is still sitting but turned around to face him. Dean is surprised by Cas's reaction, because he thought – well, he doesn't know what he thought, but not that for sure. He didn’t expect to hear that tone in his voice, because Cas almost sounded like he was begging. Dean looks up at him as he approaches. Cas walks towards him carefully, like he would try to approach a scared little kitten without making him run away.

"Cas," Dean says, not moving his eyes away from him, and Cas understands so much with his name spoken alone, judging by Dean's voice and his eyes. He stops in front of him, and the hunter doesn't seem to want to run away, because his gaze is locked on the man standing in front of him. Cas reaches out carefully with his hand, brushing Dean's jaw before cupping it. Dean leans into it, closing his eyes. He looks so beautiful and vulnerable like that, and this is only for Cas to see.

"Dean," he lets out, "I'd like to try that again." Dean opens his eyes widely. "Only if you want to." Cas reassures, not wanting to force him.

"Yes." Dean answers and gets up, only then he realizes how close they are standing, even closer than usual. "I - yes." Cas craddles his face again and leans his own head closer. Dean closes his eyes and the gap between them, their lips only brushing against each other at first, as if it was their first kiss. It's not, but it's the first intentional one at least.

It's tender as they stroke each other's lips, Dean's fist holding on Cas's collar, pulling him in. His other hand comes to rest on Cas’s waist, pressing their bodies together. Cas’s hands bury themselves into the hunter’s hair, holding on to them, tugging at them to angle his head as he wishes to. Their kiss turns into something more passionate and desperate, their tongues stroking each other, exploring each other’s mouth. When they part away, both breathless and panting, Dean smirks and declares, “Thank you for the pie, Cas.”

[hatchet-boy]

Judging SPN Seasons By How Messy It Would Be If Sam And Dean Started Having Sex

Season 1: freshly reunited. no one else in their world but them. they are obsessed with each other. they would fuck like feral dogs and it would make them so much worse. also dad is there. unspeakably messy. 12/10

Season 2: dad just died. the grief sex would be more tears than come and at least one of them is probably saying johns name mid fuck. dean might have to kill baby brother (TM) and so the obvious reaction to this would be extremely possessive sex. sam would not like that attitude (with the one exception of if it happens when hes drunk in playthings). messy in even grosser but marginally less feral ways than szn one. 13/10

Season 3: milder. still obsessed with each other but more settled into it now. deans turn to maybe die and sams turn to be uber-doober possessive about it. unlike sam, dean would be extremely into that. and his deal is comin due so he might as well. sad and tragic,, but not that messy. probably still more tears than come. 6/10

Season 4: dean just came back from hell to find sam fucking his new demon girlfriend. the angels are there. they're still hunting but Stuff Is Going On and god knows they need to be grounded with each other to make it through. sex would probably help. would do the opposite than make things messier. would be vicious. definite chance dean might try to feed sam his blood. 4/10

Season 5: apocalypse fuck. oh fuck. ruby is dead. angels and death and demons and god and destiny. sam and dean are the most experienced and secure theyve ever been and yet. the whole damn world is about to explode. and yet they are still tortured and annoyed by the goofy everday hunting horrors. fucking would be nice for them, would remind them they belong to each other. they think theyre gonna die so the consequences wouldnt matter a whole lot. less insulated and worried about holy judgment so the incest thing may be a bother now. 2/10

Season 6: you fuck your brother but its not your brother he's different in ways you cant explain but you havent seen him in months and you thought you lost him and hes not quite right but fuck he looks like him and talks like him and knows everything about the two of you and he fucks like a greek god and hes mean as a motherfucker in bed but you can take it its fine its worth it its sam godammit-

15/10

Season 7: stranded up the creek without even a twig for a paddle. both brothers are destroyed and traumatised and forcing each other forward by force of necessity and a brotherly hand on the back of the neck. at least its just them alone together (dean please ignore the hallucination of lucifer sitting in the corner and judging our cock size-). sex would go terribly and be the most unsexy sex ever sexed. but they would probably like the closeness if sam could handle it. messy but wouldnt ruin them long term. there would be a terrible Dick joke. 8/10

Season 8: WHOA BOY WHAT A DOOZY. BOTH BROTHERS HAVE PARAMOURS ON THE SIDE WHOM THE OTHER FUCKIN HATES. DEAN IS PURGATORY FERAL AND HAS ONE EYE ON A VAMP. SAM IS SOFT HAS HIS PINKY FINGER TWINED AROUND SOME RANDOM GIRL. WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK FOR ME?? // YOU TOLD ME NOT TO!! // YOU TRUST A DAMN VAMPIRE OVER YOUR OWN BROTHER?? // YOU HIT A DOG... meanwhile sam is doing the trials losing his mind again and dean is losing his mind about that. letting you down was my biggest sin//there is nothing i would ever put in front of you. messy. 10/10.

Season 9: less than ideal with sam possessed by and angel. dean is rocking with the guilt and confliction. the mark of cain is also making him a bit feral again. theyre safe together in the bunker but thats already claustrophobic enough sex might just suffocate them both. pretty messy. 7/10

Season 10: your big brother is an angry angry man but its not his fault right??? its because of the mark right?? he cant control it and you love him and you want to stay in the safe house/bunker/tomb with him you dont want to leave anymore and you need him. youve both been through enough. you deserve this. there would be minimal messiness caused by sex with your brother rn. exception to those few weeks where he was a demon. 2/10

Season 11: gods sister is here and its the apocalypse again. dean hates what he has with Her. at least his sammy is here. at least theyre together. still crazy about each other. gay incest sex is the most reasonable reaction. god might find out- but then again, he and his sister are pretty wacked out together too, and are we not made in gods image?. 1/10

Season 12: Mom is here and so is lucifer and his kid and also the cunt ass brits. not ideal. minimal messiness so long as no one finds out. and fuck all them anyway its pretty clear sam and dean can only ever really trust each other. sex would be affirming and safe here. they are absolutely fucking in the kitchen to the smell of toast and coffee. dean discovers he has an std because no its not normal that your balls have iched like that for the past four years you need to go to a doctor and dean i swear on the impala if you gave it to me- . 3/10

Season 13 to 15: fellas is it gay to have sex with your brother who you've been functionally married to for over a decade? probably not right ha ha. if they havent already fucked by now theyre not going to. theyre just gonna be intensely platonically married until they die. they both have erectile dysfunction by this point . sex would mean everything to them but change nothing they would still be old and married in their bunker with the devils kid tomorrow regardless. they dont care what people think anymore. fuck all messiness. 1/10

Post Season 15 Finale/Heaven: we deserve a soft epilogue my love sammy. mildly concerned about being kicked out of heaven for incest but with everything else theyve done they still made it there. it would be the least of their sins. lovely soft and nothing hurts. can you make a sex tape in heaven? 0/10

[dearmrshudson]

The post of saddest(?) supernatural moment gave me the idea to maka a list of my own... You know, an honest list which will not push any agenda or exclude one of the main character completely to forcefully feed to a romantic pair which does not even exist.

so here it goes-

10. Dean's reaction after Sam's death in 13x21 :

This one is so nominal and insignificant to be in this list and not one of top moments for a lot, but this scene ripped my heart open when I saw it for the first time. It manages to show us how Dean's whole world will literally fall apart and make him an empty vessel if Sam is gone and he can do nothing about it - and Jensen manages to portray it with just a walk, two blank eyes and then one drop of tear. Kudos.

9. Church Scene in 'Sacrifice' (8x23):

Anyone who has not cried in this scene? Perfeftly shows the core of the show, the deep love between two brothers- despite all the reasons, all the idiological differences, all the mature discussion and all- Sam is the baby brother of Dean; at the end he needs Dean to be there as a big bro, to tell him to let it go, to clutch him in his chest. Ultimately they will always choose each other and nothing else will come between them.

8. Dean's death in 9x23:

One of the saddest death of Dean, and perhaps it comes to this list because of the build-up and drama follows this. Both had their own reasons for the tension they had this whole season, but when the tragedy comes it hits so hard that all those logics fell apart. It scares to peep in Sam's headspace at this time of dean's dying- imagine you discarding the person you love the most as you are reasonably angry with him, and in a few days he is dying in your arms when you have hardly talked out your differences.

7. Why don’t you believe in us too (14x12) :

Probably should come much later in this list, but this scene stood out in my eyes because it was such a fresh air in the terrible plotless mimicry that SPN had become in later seasons. The scene after ages which sums up Sam and Dean, the codependent brothers whom we had forgotten. Such a long time after we see Sam the little brother, witness the emotional turmoil he was going through silently and how it exploded. The only scene which makes season 14 worth remembering. Also Jared just nailed this scene!

6.) Dead or Alive (3x16):

This scene breaks my heart in pieces. Dean bravely going for the last fight before the horrible death he will be facing. And he trying to cheer up baby bro, he wants the last memory with his brother to be in this car- singing along together... How his face slowly glooms at the end and his eyes full of fear... Early seasons really were gems!

5. Sam in Mystery spot (3x11) :

Undoubtedly one of the best SPN episode with perfect blend of mystery, fun, laughter, tragedy and emotion... The funny vibe of the episode ends in a moment when we see Sam is not waking up from the nightmare loop. Then we see a robot- a scary robot who only wants to get his brother back at any cost. This episode is yet another example of how Sam loves Dean just as fiercely as Dean does, and he is not any less codependent.

4. Barn scene and alone Sam (15x20) :

God! What can I say about this!

Just want to add, Sam wandering alone in the bunker after creamating Dean hurts me equally.

3. John's death (2x01):

Cannot forget this one. This episode happens to be another favourite of mine, and the way John sacrifices himself for his son proves that a father can go to any extent for his children. The farewell scene of John - where he asks for forgiveness and goodbye to dean without him understanding brings tears to my eyes. Such a beautiful acting by JDM and so realistic portrayal of a flawed, helpless and loving father.

2. End of Season 5 (5x22)

The ground was set, the battle was about to begin, the ultimate faceoff between Lucifer and Michael was going to start- then what happens? A stubborn idiot boy with a muscle car and hellbent attitude comes in between- knowing that he cannot survive this- just because one of these celestial entities have captured his brother as a vessel and he won’t leave his brother alone. Till his last drop of blood he keeps on trying- trying to reach his brother who is trapped under something much bigger- keeps on telling that It's okay, he is not alone, his big brother is here. And guess what, he succeed. His brother broke free the bind of one of the strongest entity of universe and fought. The climax scene gives me goosebump always followed by a bunch of grief and saddness the ending carries. Had season 5 been the last season of SPN, and this be the exact way the series ended, I would absolutely have no regret!

1. Sammy's first Death (2x21):

No matter how many sad scenes are perfectly executed in SPN, nothing can exceed the emotion of this one. Jensen will also not be able to exceed the level of performance be set in this particular scene. Period.

So this is it... I must have excluded many. And turns out my list is full of Sam and Dean only and I am also not unbiased 🤣🤣 Well, there are sad scenes that do not involve only the brothers and I still like them, but not my top 10. Maybe have to make list of top 11 to 20 in order to include them. 😁

Please share your favourite saddest top 10 as well.

[destiel-wings]

Okay, this is probably something people ask a lot, but I'd like to hear your opinion on this: When do you think Cas started realising that his feelings for Dean run deeper than friendship?

(For the spn analysis ask game)

Ugh, good one.

I haven't rewatched the show ever since i finished it and saw the confession so i haven't rewatched it knowing Castiel had to know at some point, and my opinion is just in retrospect.

That said, Cas always cared about Dean the most. He was well aware of their shared "more profound bond", but by being an angel (and in general, by being Castiel) I don't think he had the instruments to decode what that meant. It took him years to understand humans and their emotions, and for that I'm inclined to think that he began realizing the true nature of his feelings somewhere when he became human in season 9 (which is even more heartbreaking to think about, because the first thing Dean does there is kick him out of the bunker, so imagine what that must feel like as that realization creeps in).

I should rewatch the show to check his reactions around Dean next time, to see if i notice changes and when (if anyone has already done this, please share your thoughts!), but if i were to guess, I don't think we'd notice much difference. For as much as Misha likes to tell us that he didn't play Cas as in love with Dean until the final season (biggest lie ever told to humans) the truth is Cas looked like he was (unawarely) in love with Dean ever since the beginning, so i think the acting might somehow back up any moment we deem possible in the show.

Anyway, I'm sure Cas already knew in season 14, he had long known when he took the deal.

Also, the pained look he gives Dean in the Impala at the end of season 11, when Dean tells him "You're our brother, Cas, I want you to know that" is absolutely telling. He looks like he's about to jump out of the moving car. So he had to know by then too.

I also like to think that when Lucifer possessed Cas in season 11, he knew about Cas' feelings for Dean, and he used those to remain undetected (see: when he distracted Dean by not wearing the trenchcoat and showing Cas' arms). I'll admit that move was more about Dean's feelings for Cas than the contrary, but I can't help but think that Cas knew then, in some capacity.

He definitely knew when he said "I love you, I love all of you" in season 12 though, and I don't think it was a sudden realization then, but he had known for a while.

So in conclusion, we should check his behavior from season 9 to 11, because I'm pretty inclined to think realization occurred somewhere in there.

Thank you for asking! 💕

[sam-winchester-admiration-league]

To me, great actors to me are those that always sells the role and can play a variety of characters, which is what Jared Padalecki has done with Sam Winchester and with the many characters created on the same show.  Whenever Jared plays not!Sam, he disappears and takes Sam with him, leaving us with a new character that we find fascinating even as we eagerly wait for the return of Sam.  I really love it that Jared acts the hell out of the role but is almost never guilty of overacting.  There is something about Jared that is simply compelling and makes me want to see watch him, which is not easy with a character such as Sam Winchester who is the show’s everyman, the straightman that doesn’t get the funny, snarky lines that always goes to the archetype bad boy with heart of gold.  But Jared made Sam Winchester a compelling character, that’s a huge testament to his skill and talent.

When I joined the SPN fandom in 2014, I was beyond thrilled to learn that I was not alone in my thinking, far from it.  So much so that I started an “Acting” tag to collect critics’ and fans’ insight, reviews, and reactions (including Jensen’s!) to Jared’s amazing acting.  These are some of my favorite reviews:

“Jared has many skills that are incredibly rare in an actor, skills that are apparent to even me, a person who is about as skilled in theater as a fish is on land. As said before, Jared is routinely paired with actors and actresses who are not only extremely good at what they do, but also have three times the experience that he does and each time, Jared holds his own. And not only does he hold his own, but he has chemistry with every single one of them. He listens, he reacts, he responds to what’s going on around him, to the actions of the people he is working with. He’s always present, always alert, always changing and adapting, taking risks and putting so much passion into each of those risks that they nearly always pay off”  -(X)

“For the time being, this means we get to see Jared Padalecki playing two roles simultaneously: Sam (as usual), and whenever Ezekiel takes over to talk with Dean. Season 8’s finale was stolen by Padalecki’s amazing acting, and it looks like he just might take Season 9 as well.” - (X)

“To me, Jared was the one who set the “Lucifer might actually be female all along” mindset. The way he softens his face, the way he uses language, the way he likes things cleaner and prettier and appreciates the world for beauty, while still having a certain underlaying rage that seeths and boils more than overtly strikes and lashes.- (X).

“Jared is absolutely stunning at “silent acting” which he’s doing in most of these gifs, actually. From Gilmore Girls to Supernatural, Jared’s characters don’t have many lines (Sam has 15% less lines than Dean!) and it’s amazing that instead of letting his lack of lines put him on the back burner, he uses his time on screen to portray his character’s thoughts—even when he can’t voice them.  eternal applause!“ - (X)

[prosopopeya]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers!

Tagged by @binickandros!!!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26 apparently

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

460,406

3. What fandoms do you write for?

supernatural now mainly, though i've written for house md, spring awakening, and bare: a pop opera

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

these are all dean/cas fics:

inevitable homoeroticism in spanish romantic heroes (spanish grad school au)

like real people do (my return from the spn grave, basically a reaction fic to The Confession Scene)

command me to be well (angsty post-canon dean gets cas back; sort of a love letter/spiritual sequel to my first spn fic, which is also on this list)

flying in circles inside a jar (a classic s5 era fic with some deeply awkward dialogue that i don't like now but i mean this was written over 10 years ago)

some boys are sleeping alone (my first spn fic and basically my thesis on dean's bisexuality that would feed....just about every fic to come after)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try, though inevitably i get overwhelmed (even by like, one comment) and then time passes and then it's just overwhelming and awkward. but i try! it's hard especially when i just am rephrasing "thanks, i'm glad you liked it!"

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

100% something from the house or spring awakening era. (does anyone else remember when apocalypse aus were all the rage for house or was that just me and my friend angie.) a lot of those aren't on ao3 though, so probably the saddest ending over there is hm... "some boys are sleeping alone." or, shout out to my bare: a pop opera fic, still going strong over there: all the stars bend over sideways.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

there are a lot of happy endings to be found now but maybe for the sheer weight of the force behind everything building up to its ending, let me come home. that one or "command me to be well," which i swear i remember someone somewhere saying that it doesn't just relieve the angst at the end, but it luxuriates in the happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, no, at least not to my face. i've seen some commentary somewhere about people not being into post-canon fic that doesn't involve jack, but i still have barely seen the jack seasons......... oops

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, usually i throw something in there. inevitably it winds up dom/sub-y in some way. my favorite manifestation of this was the slow evolution of dom-y cas in "let me come home," especially when writing from his headspace bc that's not the usual for me. but other than that, my favorite is cowboy's sweetheart

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

ohhhhh boy. back in the day i loved a challenge for the wildest mashups people could think of. freddie from chess/donuts was the quintessential example of this, written in the wake of strikethrough on lj. one of the few that i still allow to see the light of day: thank you for being a friend, a my little pony/supernatural crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of though someone did put "inevitable homoeroticism" and "command me to be well" on goodreads.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i've had someone podfic one of my fics! though the recording isn't up anymore i don't think

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YESSS @marbleflan and i had a great time with:

r/relationships: inspired by an r/relationships post where a guy is sleeping with a woman only for her...husband to walk in on them, oops, and oh no surprise also, he's really hot??????? wait is this gay????? (it is)

perfect match: inspired by the season 8 of are you the one? an mtv reality dating show. the typical premise of this show is to put pairs of people in a house and tell them that they have to find their scientifically, dr. love approved perfect match out of all the people in the house, and if you all guess wrong, you lose money; if you all guess right, then you win money. but in season 8....everybody was bi/pan/queer, so anyone could be your match. it was supremely messy and also great. many key moments were lifted from that season including i think the drunken orgy, the theme dance night, and the intervention. i have a lot of memories of furiously writing/editing my portions of this to and from my in-laws' for thanksgiving while my husband wanted me to, like, participate in conversation in the car.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i mean.................... guess.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

man i started this really great one about dean and cas accidentally arguing about not having sex when they both actually wanted to have sex and i really want to finish it but idk! i refuse to put the dean watches heartstopper fic on here bc i WILL finish that.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think character voice, through dialogue and narration. i like situating myself in a character's head and feeling things out through their perspective.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

repetition, and like.... plots.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

been there, done that. wordreference carried me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

lizzie mcguire, i think, and labyrinth. also if i recall, buffy, and star trek: voyager.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

"let me come home." i think it has to be. it has just about everything in it, every thought or feeling i've ever had about supernatural. i'm really super proud of it, and unlike inevitable homoeroticism, i'm never going to feel like enough people have read that fic. like i just want more people to read it. usually i'm pretty good about just going with the flow, the whims of ao3 and what people seem to respond to, and not really being bothered by how popular a fic is or isn't. but man i want it to crack that top 5 list so badly. (it can replace flying in circles. the others can stay.)

if you write fic, you are tagged, but i scrolled through some pages of my followers to look for mutuals in the fic writing game; if i missed you i was just reading too quickly!!!! you are tagged!!!!: @ltleflrt, @blanketforcas, @hauntedpearl, @goldenraeofsun, @jewishdeanwinchester, @bbcphile, @wanderingcas

[brynnmclean]

twenty questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @stitchingatthecircuitboard! Thanks, friend! This was fun! :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

54! Though some of them are ficlet collections that I might separate out, if I could do it all over again.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

180,644

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, Rings of Power / the Tolkien Legendarium (including Silm, LotR, The Hobbit).

Previously, Rogue One, Star Wars sequel trilogy, broke ground writing fic for a m/m Viking romance novel Brothers of the Wild North Sea (it made me so happy), and the tiniest bit of Black Sails.

Before that, a LOT of Supernatural fic, some Being Human US, and LOST.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

cast some light & you'll be all right, 4.5k Explicit Rogue One Rebelcaptain fic where Cassian doesn't like one-sided sex and Jyn isn't used to having a partner who wants to make time for her. They figure it out!

waiting to step forward, 3k Explicit Rogue One Rebelcaptain fic, the direct sequel to cast some light featuring Cassian Andor: Cunnilingus Addict again

I waited for the crash to come, 17k Rogue One Rebelcaptain ficlet collection -- one of those ones that I suppose I could have separated out, but it feels way too late to do it now! There are a lot of ficlets that I love in there though.

beneath the stars, 4k Kíli/Tauriel Hobbit AU where Thranduil hosts a party and Kíli and Tauriel get to dance together and smooch :)

I wanna hurry home to you, 2k Explicit Rogue One Rebelcaptain fic, ALSO part of the cast some light 'verse, sex interrupted by a stand-up meeting, sex continued after the meeting, lol

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to them as they come, but I have DEFINITELY run into the problem where I haven't responded to some of them and the more time passes, the worse I feel about not responding, and then it just-- anyway, if you've ever sent me a very nice comment that I haven't responded to, please know that I saw it, cried about how nice it was and how good it made me feel, got slammed by something in life, and now remember you with helpless, wordless gratitude.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't write a lot of angst! But an old old old episode-related fic called exercise in futility for Being Human US, featuring season 1 Aidan who was a MESS, might fit the bill.

Or out of storms comes strength for tomorrow which is a Tauriel-centric, grief processing fic...? but I feel like the ending for that one is more hopeful than not? That's a little more where I like to land. There's light in there somewhere, always.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Either sanctuary (Rogue One crew beach vacation for @eisoj5!) or I used to be a king alone (a May the Fourth Rebelcaptain Date-Shaped Mission or a Mission-Shaped Date).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got a couple unpleasant anons during the SPN days over some meta re: fandom reaction to a very large fic project, but otherwise my fandom experience has been kind. I can't remember ever getting hate on my fics in particular, but I have gotten some odd comments before, ranging from "why is [male character] randomly a girl" for a genderqueer / rule 63 fic to "when are [m/f couple] going to have Real Sex" for a smut series.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! Not as much lately, but the majority of my Rebelcaptain fics were non-PIV (out of spite :D) explicit fics. The first smut fic I wrote was a SPN OT3 with Dean/Castiel/Lisa so... I have a little experience writing threesomes (looking at Galadriel/Celeborn/Halbrand eventually)!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written the beginnings of crossover AUs-- I was kicking around a Rogue One Black Sails AU (was going to be Saw Gerrera-centric, as he's the Flint analog), I have an outline for a Rebelcaptain Bourne Identity AU (Jyn as the GFFA Jason Bourne -- one day I SWEAR I'll give this one a fair shot because I actually do have the rare PLOT OUTLINE), and I wrote a ficlet for a Rogue One Grey Company LotR AU.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I did have a Rebelcaptain ficlet plagiarized once. Many thanks to the anon who alerted me to the situation so I could make a successful removal request.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not! I have had some fics podficced which were wonderful. :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't formally co-written a fic with anyone, but I am enjoying the hell out of playing around in the sandbox @rain-sleet-snow and I are hanging out in for the Uncorrupted Mairon AU.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

WOW, I absolutely cannot choose ONE out of ALL of them... If I have to choose... Right now I'm positively feral over Galadriel/Celeborn/Halbrand, but I wrote and will love Jyn/Cassian forever.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Alas... I am not good at finishing fics and I don't often have the discipline to write long-form fic. One of these days I would love to get back to safe house in the hurricane or out of grief joy.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Considering like, 95% of my fics are conversations / dialogue, I think we can consider that a strength!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

PLOT. I'm a pantser. I never know where I'm going next. Also action scenes are extremely difficult!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Thoughts? Cold-sweat terror. Thank you to much smarter people than I am for Elvish translations. Anyone who writes in multiple languages, whether real-world or conlangs, leaves me in awe.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

... LOST, maybe??? @ladytharen helped run a 108 word drabble challenge on LJ that I THINK got me into my first forays of writing fic that wasn't, uh, childhood handwritten scrawling in notebooks for LotR.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Oh!!!! I'm taking a leaf from @stitchingatthecircuitboard's book and going to list three:

I still think out of storms (the Tauriel grief fic) is one of my best

There's so much of my heart in blessed, the Éomer & Éowyn late night conversation fic that also features genderqueer / genderfluid!Éowyn fic-- though damn it, I wish I'd titled the fic better, but it feels too late to change it, lol

and honestly, as rusty as I felt writing it, I really love first flush of hope to carry the grey away, 1k Rebelcaptain not-a-kiss in an alley

tagging: @rain-sleet-snow, @ladytharen, @eisoj5, @heymacareyna, @ichabodjane, and whoever else is reading this and would like to. Consider yourself tagged!

[j2spntranscripts]

☆ 2007 Asylum (Sunday)

Official name: Asylum- A Supernatural and Smallville Convention Location: Leofric Hotel, Coventry, UK Time: Sunday May 13, 2007 (between 9:30am-5:30pm) (GMT-0) Panelists: Jensen Ackles Last episode: 2x21 "All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1" May 10, 2007 Next episode: 2x22 "All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2" May 17, 2007

Question Index: *(questions maybe be out of order, not fully transcribed, and/or labeled correctly due to lack of information) a- Prank-ish, Drag "J2" b- Thoughts on "Fan fiction" c- unknown

(video links and transcripts below the cut)

(*if you notice any mistakes in the video transcripts or found more video coverage of the con please point them out thanks*👍) (*tumblr doesn't like dailymotion vids so I can only hyperlink them*)

[click here]

Jensen_sunday_enter_snall by _sin_attract (0:00)-intro

Moderator: -To the stage Mister Jensen Ackles!

Audience screams and claps. Spn’s theme music starts playing. Jensen walks through the room’s door and walks up to the stage, waving at everyone as he went. He shakes hands with the moderator and then stands in front of his chair and looks at the crowd before him. He then grabs the mic from the moderator and raises one of his hands.

**Jensen: **Well, I made it. Huh? (audience woo’s) Heya, bud. (audience laughs) Alright, shall we? (sits down)

Moderator?: (sits down) Absolutely

Jensen: (leans back in chair) Woo!

Jensen Ackles before Q&A at Asylum by kellybubble (0:00)-intro2

Moderator: Okay, so we get started at 10!

The audience laughs. Jensen flops forward in his chair. The audience laughs harder. The audience starts yelling things.

Moderator: 9.

The audience yells out some more things.

[click here]

Jensen_sunday_1 by _sin_attract • (0:00)- Asylum07B;Qa – Prank-ish, J2 Cross Dressing

Moderator: -Person who (?) There was a time when you and Jared- (audience starts yelling) In Brooklyn, I’m sorry. You and Jared dressed up as women or say? (audience laughs, cheers, and claps)

Jensen: (looks at the audience for a while then shrugs at the Moderator) Yeah. (audience and moderator laugh) (sits up) Um, (shrugs) (audience giggles) (?) We were a little bored. There was a, I think- I believe it was, uh- Wigs were being made in the hair and make-up trailers, uh, for some (?movie? or ?reason?) that had (?drill clippings for the mosque?) earlier (?in the evening?) for something that we, uh, were shooting.

Uhhhh, and, um, and for some reason, uuum- Well, I-I don’t know if we were having a few drinks or, uh, (audience laughs) well we just decided to get a little randy and do something bit crazy. So. (audience laughs) We, uh, (?Naomi?) threw our wigs on and-and went in for a-a-a- a rehearsal. And, uh, I guess (?uuh-uh-uh-?) Brooks is, uh, was on and she was, uh- she was, uh, obviously you guys know but, uh, “Asylum.” She was in “Asylum” in the first season. Um, (?We always have to-?) to make the, um, guest stars feel as uncomfortable as possible. (audience laughs) So, we, uh, you know, we tried a few things. (audience giggles)

Girl ask Jensen Ackles about fanfictions (legendado) by Carol Padalecki • (0:00)- Asylum07B;Qb – Thoughts on “Fan fiction”

Jensen: Thank you.

Fan: I have a question. Uh, yesterday you told us that.. you are very protective of Dean. Uh, what do you think about.. fanfiction? The audience gives a mixed reaction of groaning, cheers, claps. Jensen looks at the moderator and then rubs his eyes. The audience starts clapping. Jensen then rubs his forehead and drags his hand down the side of his face.

Jensen: You- Not you, but s-s-some of those fan fictions have some very, very crazy ideas. (audience laughs and claps) And sometimes very.. disturbing… ideas. (audience laughs) Um, one of my favorites is, um.. wincest. (audience laughs, cheers, and claps) I- I-I- I only hope that my grandmother never sees it. (audience laughs and claps) with-(Jensen laughs) With-

Jared and I got a good laugh out of that one. (audience laughs) Although, it was only brought to our attention because Kim Manners posted it. (audience laughs) So, uh, thanks for that.

Moderator: I think the audience (?were felt?).

Jensen: Moving- Moving on (audience laughs)

Asylum 1 by nevernilien • (0:00)- Asylum07B;Qc – unknown

The audience cheers and claps

Jensen: Uh, I think one of my favorites is, “Dean! Salt gun!” (audience laughs, cheers, and claps) Ah, I love the way he said that.

[click here]- Asylumcon_closingceremoney by _sin_attract

Closing ceremony:

Jensen: Uuhh, (laughs) Listen, this is, uh, this has been my first convention ever. And-and I want to just thank you all for a- for a great experience. And-and it’s been truly nice to see, uh, when you work so hard and you- and you-and you put a lot of.. time and effort and love and blood and sweat and tears in something and you really believe in it. Um, it’s nice to see that people appreciate it. So, I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. Anddd, I’m going to thank you for Jared as well. Because if he was here, he’d say the same thing. So. Thank you. (audience claps and cheers.) (hands over the mic to Alan Ritchson.)

Alan Ritchson: (?Alright?) I-I think he said it perfectly, I show the same sympathies- (video transistions to Alona)

Alona Tal: (?) Important (?buddy?) that is out here for showing up to see us, because it’s really awesome to us (?) Thanks (?) for preparing all those questions and things that (?) Thank you. (audience claps and cheers. Jensen and Ritchson? clap) (hands the mic to Mack)

Allison Mack: Um, (laughs and looks back at Hartley)

Justin Hartley: Chloe! (audience giggles)

Mack: Yeah, I just thank you. (?As we put it?) Thank you so much, we wouldn’t be able to do what we do if we didn’t have you. So, I appreciate you and I love, uh, coming in here and sharing the attention and appreciation (?). Thank you very, very much. (audience claps) (Mack hands the mic to Hartley) (audience cheers)

Justin Hartley: (?) Guys, mostly ladies, have been, uh, (audience laughs) And, uh, yeah, quite- quite friendly spirits. Because you never know (?) kind of things turn out. (?) been fantastic. So, um, thank you for opening you’rrre proverbial door, and we’ll see you guys next year or something like that. (hands the mic to Jason Manns.) (Audience claps and cheers)

Jason Manns: Uuum, (points the mic at Hartley)

Hartley: (?Throw up?) (audience laughs. Jensen smiles)

Manns: Um, It’s pretty much everything that they said, ditto. And, also, uh, you guys are probably-

The moderator crouches in front of the stage, and then gets back up. The audience laughs.

Manns: (to the moderator) Thank you. (audience laughs) (to the audience) You guys are probably the best crowd that I’ve ever played on a show for. So. (audience cheers and claps. Jensen and Ritchson clap.) Thank you. (hands the mic to Aycox.)

Nicki Aycox: I think everybody has said pretty much exactly.. what it is. And, I’m think I agree with you a lot, if it wasn’t for you guys at all we would not even be doing this. We’d probably be on the streets. Uhm, So. (audience laughs) Thank you very much. And Thank you for being so positive and-and giving us loving words and just that you enjoy it. And, (?) show up so that we are (throws up hand) happy.. to have you guys here to see you. (audience claps. Video skips ahead.)

Jenny Mollen?: (?) from one of these and every time I (?) always blown away by just how- just, you know- I’ve-I’ve never been embraced (?), you know, so many strangers. And, (audience chuckles) (Jensen wipes his forehead) No, no- I – it really is…It’s- such a, you know, wonderful- wonderful feeling. You know, makes (?) the time when you’re (?) in LA and you’re doing your thing and spilling (?) to continue in the world, makes it all sort of worth it. So, Thank you. (hands the mic to Mark Lutz) (audience cheers and claps. Jensen and Ritchson clap.)

Mark Lutz: (scratches head) Yeah, and again. I’d just like to reiterate, you guys have been, uh, fantastic. You know, we really- really appreciate you coming out and-and, uh, (?) with us. And (?) (wipes eyes)(audience laughs) I promised myself I wasn’t gonna cry. (wipes eyes) (audience laughs) But, uh, also I think we would be completely remiss if we didn’t thank the fantastic staff that- (audience claps and cheers) (Mollen leans the mic over to herself and says something) (?) round of applause because they got this thing done. It wasn’t us, so. Yeah, they really deserve, uh, a lot of the applause. And (?Dwayne?) for putting this whole thing on. So, thank you very much. (The audience screams. The Panelists and audience clap.)

Brooke Nevin: (?) Um, (?) Unique (?) This is just one of those extra special treats. (?) extra special and wonderful. (raises hand) You guys rock! Thank you. The audience claps and cheers. All the panelists clap. Brooke places the mic down on the ground. Mollen walks up near the exit to the stage. (?The Moderator blocks her?) Mullen then goes back to the line up on stage. The audience laughs.

Mollen: I thought that we were-

Moderator: (?) There are a lot of people who- (skips)

The actors, now accompanied by body guards, are exiting the stage. The audience is clapping.

[perplexedflower]

SPN Drabbles - 9/14: Real Identities

Fandom: Supernatural.

Category: F/M.

Relationship: Sam/Dean Winchester & Female Reader.

Type: Drabble.

Words: 550.

Chronology: Season 1.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Can you drop the fucking knife?"

"Why don't you drop the attitude first, sweetheart?"

I gulped as my eyebrows furrowed.

"Who are you guys?" I asked the two men, my eyes constantly switching from looking at one to the other.

"We've already told you, [Y/N]." Said the one with the freckles. "We're from-"

"No!" I interrupted him. "I know damn well you two aren't working for... whichever company it was you said you were working for."

I stood my ground, confidently looking them in the eyes.

"So who are you, really?"

The two men turned to each other and exchanged a look, and without saying a single word to one another, they nodded in unison. The one with the shaggy brown hair turned to me, before taking a few steps in my direction, all while presenting his hands to me, as if to help me calm down and make me understand he had no intention to harm me.

"My name is Sam, and this is my brother Dean." He said while pointing to the supposed Dean.

I looked him in the eyes, then shook my head slowly.

"And that's the truth, this time?"

"Yes, I promise." He nodded as he pressed both of his hands on his chest.

Staring deeper into his eyes, I could tell he was saying the truth, and I relaxed a little.

"Alright..." I sighed. "Second question, then: what the hell is it that you guys are doing, exactly? Why are you so interested in the recent deaths that have happened in town? And what on Earth are you doing out in the middle of the night, acting all creepy-like?"

Still standing behind his brother, Dean scoffed, before making his way to me as well.

"Well..." He started while scratching his head. "You see, [Y/N], there are things, out there. Things that not many people know about. Creatures, monsters, entities... you name it. But my little brother and I, we hunt these bastards down. So that people like you can stay out of trouble. And so that what happened recently doesn't happen again."

I remained silent for a second, trying to organize my thoughts, as the two men awaited my reaction.

"I knew something was up, I could feel it..." I muttered to myself.

I looked up and glanced at both brothers.

"You know, it's no pure coincidence I came across you guys here. When you dropped by my place to ask me your questions earlier today, I could immediately tell something wasn't right. So after you left, I kept an eye on you, and when I saw you heading out in the middle of the night, your duffle bags in hand, I was definitely convinced you were hiding something."

"Great, a stalker." Dean sighed while rolling his eyes.

"Well, I wouldn't have had to follow you around if you'd have just told me the truth from the beginning." I said, crossing my arms on my chest.

The two brothers remained silent, having to admit I was right, and I scoffed while smiling.

"Well, now that I'm here, why don't you tell me more about those things you guys hunt?"

"Are you sure?" Dean raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head. "'Cause it can take a while. Trust me, there's a lot you don't know about."

[lol-jackles]

Regarding the ask about Jensen making the prequel to redeem John....what he is doing will not make people love or forgive John because whatever he has been through doesn't excuse how he treated his sons.

The SPN prequel about John that deserved to happen is how John would send Dean away or was so angry and opposed to Sam going away for college or he was even after the demon because Sam had side effects from demon blood and he didn't want Dean to be scared of Sam or see him differently. And he was after the YED to save Sam and not for revenge, but he lied to his sons because he didn't want Sam's life to be controlled by demon blood, but when he needed to save Dean, he knew Dean would save Sam that he himself failed to do. And he only asked Dean to kill Sam if he could not save him because John loved his children so much that he wasn't strong enough to do so himself.

If Jensen wanted the fans to see John did whatever he did for his sons, he would make a show about it, not a teen rom-com.

I don't know what twist and turns he will magically create to make this trash into something watchable, but so far it just seems like he went out of his way to make sure Sam and Jared can't be in it and in order to do so he chose a trashy storyline while still making sure he keeps money in his pocket because SPN fans will even eat garbage if it comes from their fave.

I also don't know objectively if Jensen's career is better or Jared's but the way Jensen is acting on interviews and conventions and even when he was on Walker set, it seems like he is hella envious of Jared. Maybe it's cause he has to be imprisoned 9 months a year to be 10th on the call sheet and Jared practically shoots in his backyard, goes to vacation with Gen so often and gets treated like a king as he should. Jensen is still not over about how Jared being white suit Lucifer for a single scene after a long vacation stole the show and Jensen working twice as hard couldn't beat him after a decade. This post SPN situation would definitely be hard to swallow.

You're making too much sense, and now I need to see The Chronicles of John Winchester right now, preferable yesterday. 

When most people first heard of the SPN prequel, their first thought was it was going to be about Sam and Dean's childhood/teenage years. But if they have gone with route you suggested, then it would end up being about Sam, again!  Actually it’s inevitable and unavoidable.  Maybe Jensen couldn't bear the thought of VO-ing another Sam-centric series after 13.5 seasons of Sam-centric SPN through Dean's POV.

Due to child labor laws, it would make sense for the series to be from John's POV as he figures out the supernatural world and learn how to hunt down the things that go bump in the night.  Bonus it would be during the 80s, one of the best decades for music, movies, and latch key children.  A series centered on John Winchester between 1983 and 2001 can still happen, in fact I'm counting on it even if it takes a decade.

When I saw Jared's TV Guide interview where said he wanted to suggest the role of Cordell Walker to Jensen, my first reaction was, "You noob, you know that's not how it's done.  Why the hell did you say this?"  Then my second thought was, "Is this to promote Jensen?"   Usually when actor A lose a role to actor B, actor A will be coached by his publicist to say that the best actor got the role and he, actor A, wouldn't be able to do justice to the role that actor B did even though actor A totally believes he could be just as good with the role i.e. Eljah Wood's interview about losing the Pleasantville role to Toby McGuire.  Instead, Jared did it the other way around, he didn't wait for Walker to be a proven success before saying Jensen could have played a Cordell because Jensen likes Western; jumping into Rust to pay a sheriff despite the set’s appalling non-safety issues, and now the Big Sky role as a sheriff in Montana (the same state where domestic terrorist Ted Kaczynski was found).  Jensen already said at cons that he expects to have a recurring/regular role in Walker in the near future.

To Jensen's credit, he publicly praised Jared's performance in "The End".  While audience have seen Jared play not!Sam as Meg, it was more B-movie villain archetype and less Nicki Aycox's interpretation of the same character.  But as Lucifer he was an otherworldly character whose motive was understandable.  Remember kids, not relatable.  The problem with demon!Dean was the character was neither relatable nor understandable, and this new-ish Dean in the trailer looks to have the same problem.

[scripted-downfall]

Unrighteous “Righteousness”

I don’t know how long this lil — and by “little”, I of course mean probably-massive, sorry about that — post will be, but I’ve been planning it for a while and have received impetus in the form of a conversation with @bi-lullaby… but the double standard in how various incarnations of Sam and Dean are treated throughout the show is kinda ridiculous??  I mean, considering just seasons 1-10…

For one thing, there’s the comparison that got me started on this path of comparisons… I was watching “Live Free or Twihard” and someone said something about how it was the perfect opportunity to address how “unsympathetic” Dean was to Sam during the demon blood arc, and just… I’m sorry, but the two simply aren’t comparable??? Or, rather, if they are, Sam comes out way, way worse?

And thus began (begins?) the comparison of the most similar stages of the two in order to protest the ridiculous hypocrisy etched into people’s reactions.

Take demon-blood!Sam in season 4.  He willingly got himself — albeit with help from Ruby’s machinations — addicted to demon blood, principally in quest of power.  This progresses to the point that he’s regularly chugging the stuff, betraying his brother, lying to and hurting most everyone around him (Dean, Bobby, etc.), and overall making bad decisions because he’s motivated by the desire to drink the blood of any demon he can get his hands on and get ”stronger”.  Meanwhile, season 6 era vampire!Dean was turned into a vampire involuntarily and against his will, which forced him into a situation where he literally had to drink blood to survive… and he still didn’t??  I mean, we saw what it’s like to be turned into a SPN!vampire, so we know that fighting the urge to drink is kinda like going through withdrawal with walking juice boxes wandering around with very loud, very tempting heartbeats, and yet they were still able to cure Dean because he didn’t drink and would rather die than hurt the people he loved.  In every comparison point here, Dean handled the allegedly-comparable situation better, so this, if anything, makes Sam’s s4 actions seem worse?  And, if he was unsympathetic to Sam — which is questionable — it’s not like he held himself to a different standard?

Another instance where I’ve seen people arguing against criticism of Sam’s actions while simultaneously arguing for criticism of Dean’s in a comparable situation is soulless!Sam and Mark of Cain/demon!Dean… and this is something I find even more ridiculous.  I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that both of them have extenuating circumstances that are absolutely understandable, so I’m not arguing that either should be held fully responsible for it… What I am arguing, however, is that they at least need to be held as equally not-responsible and that, if there is a disparity, it should not be in favor of Sam.

I mean, again, I accept that Sam was soulless… but soulless doesn’t really add anything; at least in Sam’s case, it just took away his emotions/inhibitions and let him release the more calculating, do-what-it-takes side of his personality (which was still present in Sam, as we see repeatedly throughout the show).  On the other hand, both MOC!Dean and demon!Dean both have the Mark, which is literally and innately a corrupting influence.  It sets out to corrode someone’s soul into something darker (and/or literally turn them into a demon), so it’s not just a remove-all-the-inhibitions situation; it’s more of a remove-all-the-inhibitions-and-then-whisper-incessantly-until-they-do-awful-things situation.  These two things are at least comparable or (which is probably my preferred way of viewing it) Sam’s actions are once again worse overall, and it makes very little sense to act like his are excusable while Dean’s aren’t.

And then there’s the plotlines of seasons 8 vs 9 and 10; this has enough fodder for a whole other post… which I’ve conveniently already written and has been published under the name Actions of the Greater Greater Good just before this one.  There, hypocrisy truly abounds.

Oh, and this is just talking about the double standard for when the two brothers were in the same situation; that doesn’t even count situations across the brothers’ own actions.  Like, for example, when demon-blood!Sam nearly killed Dean and Bobby was all “you’re whiny and cowardly for being unhappy at Sam for almost killing you” and yet, when soulless!Sam almost killed Bobby, he was perfectly happy holding a grudge about it and received no backlash for that grudge.

Anyway, I’m sure there are further, smaller examples, though I will confess that they’re currently escaping me; I just feel as though the blatantly Sam-apologist arguments — both in the show and external to it — are a touch misguided since the brothers are usually at least comparable in their situations and should at least be treated equally.

[antigonewinchester]

Dean & Hell, Redux

(Previous posts: Intro post; Dean & Hell, season 4; the Mark & Hell, part 1.)

Before I keep going with the Mark of Cain arc, I want to return back to earlier seasons to talk again about Dean, Hell, and violence. As “Dean enjoying violence” is a major thread that runs through season 9 and 10 and strongly tied to Dean’s time in Hell, I want to put the right frame around this idea. And, as I’ve researched more on the topic, I’ve come to rethink my past perspective.

In my first analysis of Dean in Hell, I really resisted that notion that Dean did or could have enjoyed torturing. Part of my defensiveness was from having seen other meta in fandom that frames Dean as innately violent / vicious in comparison to other characters, as well as some of the show’s own framing around Dean enjoying violence in season 10, and thinking this framing felt off without fully being able to articulate why. Deadendtracks kindly pointed me towards the concept of moral injury as a key aspect in both Dean’s time in Hell and his time hunting, with this idea being central in Dean talking about his enjoyment of both. Viewing Dean’s violence and traumas through this lens ended up being a big missing puzzle piece for me, in terms of what’s going on in the show; how people react to Dean in fandom, including my own defensive reaction; and how all of these ideas combine together over the Mark of Cain arc, for better and worse.

In their meta on the Mark of Cain, “This is What You’re Gonna Become: season 9 as the culmination of Dean Winchester’s thematic roles of identity in SPN,” swayingwires persuasively lays out the case for both Dean’s time hunting and his time in Hell as situations of moral injury, tracing the evolution of these psychological wounds and Dean’s recognition of them through Kripke’s era of the show. I’m going to pull out a few highlights from this essay below, as I want to further support their interpretation by analyzing the language the show uses in talking about these situations for Dean. Then, after briefly looking at how Dean’s moral injuries are referenced in early season 10, I’m going to end this section with a perspective from Jonathan Shay, the researcher who originated the idea of moral injury, on the political significance of trauma narratives.

In their discussion of moral injury, swayingwires cites an article from 2012 in the PTSD Research Quarterly, a publication from the National Center for PTSD, written by Shira Maguen and Brett Litz. In a 2021 article for the National Center, Maguen, as well as Sonya B. Norman, further define moral injury and its co-occurrence with PTSD. The broad framework they lay out fits incredibly well with many aspects of Dean’s characterization and reactions to the events he’s faced:

“In traumatic or unusually stressful circumstances, people may perpetrate, fail to prevent, or witness events that contradict deeply held moral beliefs and expectations (1). When someone does something that goes against their beliefs this is often referred to as an act of commission and when they fail to do something in line with their beliefs that is often referred to as an act of omission. Individuals may also experience betrayal from leadership, others in positions of power or peers that can result in adverse outcomes (2). Moral injury is the distressing psychological, behavioral, social, and sometimes spiritual aftermath of exposure to such events (3). A moral injury can occur in response to acting or witnessing behaviors that go against an individual's values and moral beliefs. In order for moral injury to occur, the individual must feel like a transgression occurred and that they or someone else crossed a line with respect to their moral beliefs. Guilt, shame, disgust and anger are some of the hallmark reactions of moral injury (e.g., 4). Guilt involves feeling distress and remorse regarding the morally injurious event (e.g., "I did something bad."). Shame is when the belief about the event generalizes to the whole self (e.g., "I am bad because of what I did.") (5). Disgust may occur as a response to memories of an act of perpetration, and anger may occur in response to a loss or feeling betrayed (6). Another hallmark reaction to moral injury is an inability to self-forgive, and consequently engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors (e.g., feeling link[sic] you don't deserve to succeed at work or relationships). Moral injury also typically has an impact on an individual's spirituality (7). For example, an individual with moral injury may have difficulty understanding how one's beliefs and relationship with a Higher Power can be true given the horrific event the person experienced, leading to uncertainty about previously held spiritual beliefs.”

Swayingwires lays out the throughline of Dean’s moral injuries through a number of key moments in early seasons. First, there’s Dean expressing that he’s scared of what he’ll do or kill for his family in 1x22, after killing a demon who he knew was possessing a person against their will:  

“Threats to the family are supposed to be things, but now Dean is grappling with the idea that some of those things might also be people. Victims, even, like Meg Masters. People who should otherwise be saved. Hence Dean’s internal conflict: Saving People and Hunting Things have crashed up against one another in a way that creates a nascent moral injury deeply tied to both the Save Sammy and Daddy’s Blunt Little Instrument roles and where they overlap.” (”This is What You’re Gonna Become,” Chapter 2).

Then, in 2x03, Dean confronts again that monsters might not be just things but actually people themselves through Lenore and her ‘vegetarian’ vampire family.

“Like he did with the possessed victim Meg Masters, Dean discovers that Lenore and her people – including the vampire he killed at the mill – were the ones in need of saving, and from a hunter. Once again his moral code (Saving People, Hunting Things) rubs up against the reality that those two categories, people and things, are not as easily divided as his father raised him to believe. What if hunting things – something he enjoys – is actually harming people? This moral dilemma isn’t easily brushed off for Dean, even as he continues to operate under his code. Because to give up that equation – Saving People, Hunting Things – is to give up his identity and admit that what his father taught him, how John raised him to play that role of Blunt Instrument, was a betrayal of not only what was right but what was best for Dean himself. So the moral injury continues to fester.” (”This is What You’re Gonna Become,” Chapter 3).

As I mentioned previously, Dr. Jonathan Shay conceptualized the beginnings of moral injury in his book Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Moral Character, published in 1994. In it, he compares the story of Achilles in the Iliad to those of real-life Vietnam veterans. While the idea of moral injury has been expanded upon since the 90’s, Shay particularly emphasizes a part of moral injury as a psychological wound that those in leadership inflict on those underneath them: “When a leader destroys the legitimacy of the army’s moral order in betraying “what’s right,” he inflicts manifold injuries on his men” (6). Shay’s idea of “what’s right” is an expansive concept, taking from “the ancient Greek word that Homer used, thémis,” which meant “the whole sweep of a culture’s definition of right and wrong: we use terms such as moral order, convention, normative expectations, ethics, and commonly understood social values” (5). He uses thémis as the broad term for this concept through his book.

When thinking about Dean and his upbringing, an revealing point is how, to demonstrate the gravity of moral injuries, Shay compares the moral relationship between an army and a soldier to that of a parent and child:

“The vulnerable relationship between child and parent is a metaphor for the relationship between a soldier and his army. It is also more than a metaphor when we consider the formation and maintenance of good character. The parent’s betrayal of thémis through incest, abuse, and neglect puts the child in mortal danger… The child’s inner sense of safety in the world emerges from the trustworthiness, reliability, and simple competence of the family. Similarly, the child’s acquisition of self-control, self-esteem, and consideration for others depends upon the family… Lurking behind the supposedly settled truths is the Platonic assertion that good character is a firm wall between a good person and evil acts, regardless of the betrayals of “what’s right” and other blows, such as bereavement, that may simply happen to an adult.” (32).

Dean, raised by his father as a child soldier, is the intertwined embodiment of this metaphor. Through that lens, we can look at John’s last command to Dean – to save Sam or kill him – as an ur-example of John betraying “what is right” and of the moral injuries he inflicted onto Dean through his abusive parenting. This order was John as Dean’s ‘sergeant’, telling a soldier under his command that he might have to kill one of his comrades, and John as Dean’s father, telling his son that he might have to kill his brother, a failure of John as a moral leader multiple times over.

If Dean struggled with the morality of John’s order over season 2, then there was no such ambiguity for him in Hell and with Alastair. Dean knew what Alastair was coercing him to do was wrong and yet eventually did just what Alastair “asked,” even enjoying it.

“Alastair “broke” Dean by forcing a reversion of Dean’s personal philosophy and any sense of identity he held onto – instead of saving people, he tortures them, instead of hunting things, he becomes the thing… Dean blames himself for taking the only way out he was given after 30 years of continual horrific pain and daily destruction of his body “until there was nothing left”: inflict pain on someone else. Exchange the objectification of the tortured with the objectification of becoming someone else’s weapon. Exchange endless physical pain for endless moral injury.” (”This is What You’re Gonna Become,” Chapter 6).

Torturing in and of itself went against Dean’s moral code and would have been enough for a moral injury. Dean also finding relief, catharsis and enjoyment in torturing made that moral wound so much worse.

Swayingwires’s read of Dean’s two major moral injuries as related to hunting on Earth and torturing in Hell can be further supported by looking at the similar wording used by various characters, including Dean himself, to talk about these situations.

In the final scene of 2x03, Dean speaks with Sam about everything that’s happened in this ep:

DEAN What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us… SAM Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could. DEAN I know he did. But the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things; and man, I hate 'em. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn't even think about it; hell, I even enjoyed it.

Here, Dean speaks his enjoyment of hunting, even killing, and how that conflicts with his newfound understanding that monsters might be people and might need saving, too.

Then there’s Dean’s conversation with Gordon Walker at the beginning of the episode, with Dean opening up to Gordon about his feelings around John’s death. Putting this exchange in the context of moral injury, it’s important to remember that what’s especially weighing on Dean here is John’s last order.

DEAN Sorry about your sister. GORDON Yeah. She was beautiful. I can still see her, you know? The way she was. But hey, that was a long time ago. I mean, your dad. It's gotta be rough. DEAN Yeah. Yeah, you know. He was just one of those guys. Took some terrible beatings, just kept coming. So you're always thinking to yourself, he's indestructible. He'll always be around, nothing can kill my dad. Then just like that [snaps] he's gone. I can't talk about this to Sammy. You know, I gotta keep my game face on. [Clears throat.] But, uh, the truth is I'm not handling it very well. Feel like I have this - GORDON Hole inside you? And it just gets bigger and bigger and darker and darker? Good. You can use it. Keeps you hungry. Trust me. There's plenty out there needs killing, and this'll help you do it. Dean, it's not a crime to need your job.

Part of this “hole” Dean is feeling is grief over his father’s death, as Sam mentions later:

SAM You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.

But I also see Dean’s conversation with Gordon as deeply connected to his grief around the moral injuries inflicted on him by John. Take Dean talking about his father as indestructible until suddenly he wasn’t. Literally, this comment is  Dean reckoning with John’s actual death. But it’s also Dean reckoning with John’s metaphorical death, the loss of John as Dean’s moral guide and role model. If John’s guidance and commands formed a foundation of Dean’s morality, then his last order sent an undeniable crack through that foundation, with Dean now explicitly questioning how his father raised him and how that upbringing shaped his own moral compass.

Gordon naming this emotion as feeling like a “hole” is also revealing in light of his character representing who Dean could later become: after his sister was turned into a vampire, Gordon tracked her down and killed her, just as Dean is possibly facing with Sam. There are perhaps echoes of this in season 10, when Cain says that Dean killing Sam would be “the murder [Dean would] never survive.”

The wording that Dean and Gordon used in 2x03 then returns in season 4, when Dean talks to Sam about Hell at the end of 4x11:

DEAN You know, I felt for those sons of bitches back there. Lifelong torture turns you into something like that. SAM You were in hell, Dean. Look, maybe you did what you did there, but you're not them. They were barely human. DEAN Yeah, you're right. I wasn't like them. I was worse. They were animals, Sam, defending territory. Me? I did it for the sheer pleasure. SAM What? DEAN I enjoyed it, Sam. They took me off the rack, and I tortured souls, and I liked it. All those years, all that pain. Finally getting to deal some out yourself. I didn't care who they put in front of me. Because that pain I felt, it just slipped away. No matter how many people I save, I can't change that. I can't fill this hole. Not ever.

Dean again talks about enjoying hurting others, taking pleasure in it, and echoes Gordon’s words of this act as creating a “hole” inside him that he can’t fill. If Dean is just starting to be aware of and articulate his moral injury in 2x03, then he is acutely, horribly aware of this feeling in 4x11.

We can also see hole-related imagery appearing in season 5, during Famine’s speech to Dean in 5x14, “My Bloody Valentine”:

FAMINE Doesn't take much--hardly a push. Oh, America--all-you-can-eat, all the time. Consume, consume. A swarm of locusts in stretch pants. And yet, you're all still starving because hunger doesn't just come from the body, it also comes from the soul. DEAN It's funny, it doesn't seem to be coming from mine. FAMINE Yes. I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you could even walk in my presence? DEAN Well, I like to think it's because of my strength of character. FAMINE I disagree. [Famine moves closer to Dean and touches him.] Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

Famine describes what again sounds like a hole, a “deep, dark nothing” that Dean “can’t fill,” echoing the same language from 2x03 and 4x11. Given everything that happened to Dean over seasons 4 and 5, it’s no surprise that he’s still feeling these moral injuries, not having the space, support or time to even start to heal these wounds. And Dean doesn’t get that space or time for healing over the next 5 seasons, either. With the exception of his year with Lisa, he never has the chance to rest, with season after season seeing Dean face more traumas and crises, having to push down his pain to save people, including Sam and Cas, and just to deal with his everyday reality.

Jumping forward to season 10, in their post “The Wounds That Never Heal,” veneredirimmel analyzes Dean’s conversation with Cole at the end of 10x07, “Girls Girls Girls.”

DEAN Cole, hey, right here. We're talking, okay? COLE How can I believe you, huh? How can I believe you?! My whole life, I've been... DEAN I get it. That was your story. Look, man, I got one of those, too. Okay, but those stories that we tell to keep us going? Man, sometimes they blind us. They take us to dark places --the kind of place where I might beat the crap out of a good man just for the fun of it. The people who love me, they pulled me back from that edge. Cole, once you touch that darkness… It never goes away. Now, the truth is… I'm past saving. I know how my story ends. It's at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun. So, the question is, is that gonna be today? That gonna be that gun?

Veneredirimmel sees the darkness Dean speaks to as representative of the numerous moral injuries that he’s sustained over the decades, and I very much agree with this read. What Dean is expressing here feels more than just depression or PTSD, both which can be related to but are distinct from moral injury.

I’ve quoted the end of veneredirimmel’s post below, because I think it thoughtfully lays out what the story needed to face if it was going to honestly reckon with Dean and his emotional wounds:

“And there is no easy cure from this wound. Telling Dean that people love him is ignoring the gravity of the wound and dismissing it because that wound is not about love, and it’s not about deserving it or accepting it. Telling Dean that he’s done so much good has the same effect because the good doesn’t erase that deep sense of having betrayed what he deems right. It is not a matter of love and it’s not a self-worth issue nor [is it] about Dean’s flawed sense of self. Those horrors happened: Dean lived them, was in the middle of it so many times we’ve lost count. He cannot shake them off.”

Those horrors happened: for me, while I think the Mark of Cain arc tries and ultimately fails in confronting Dean’s moral wounds, not to mention his decades of traumas, there’s perhaps something to be gained in sorting through the whats, hows and whys of the messy, complicated story we did get.

Understanding my own reactions to this arc has also given me a larger perspective on the importance of how we talk about trauma and listen to traumatic narratives. The argument in my previous post on Dean and Hell essentially boiled down to: Dean is a good person, so he couldn’t really have meant it when he said he enjoyed torturing. Funnily enough, when pulling all my sources together for my bibliography, I realized a similar framing is actually used in-universe by Sam and Cas in talking about Dean and his violence over season 10. It’s not Dean that’s doing all this, it’s just the Mark; Dean can’t really be a bad guy; Dean is (must be) a hero. This claim is the mirror image of the idea of Dean as innately violent or as a character who uniquely enjoys violence unlike Sam, Cas, etc. But these two ideas are actually two sides of the same coin: the denial of trauma.

In Achilles in Vietnam, Shay calls these perspectives the “Law of Forgetting and Denial.” (While I don’t like all the language he uses here, particularly describing non-traumatized people as “normal,” I think the sentiment he’s expressing here is worth quoting with that caveat.)

“We must all strive to be a trustworthy audience for victims of abuse of power. I like to think Aristotle had something like this in mind when he made tragedy the centerpiece of education for citizens in a democracy. However, to do this we must overcome all the good reasons why normal adults do not want to hear trauma narratives. If forced to bear them, normal people deny their truth. If forced to accept them as true, they often forget them. Taken together, I call these good reasons the law of forgetting and denial. THE LAW OF FORGETTING AND DENIAL The social morality of “what’s right,” what Homer called thémis, is the normal adult’s cloak of safety. The trauma narrative of every person with PTSD and character damage is a challenge to the rightness of the social order, to the trustworthiness of thémis. To hear and believe is to feel unsafe. It is to know the fragility of goodness. Trauma narratives show us that our own good character is vulnerable to destruction by bad moral luck. Normal adults recognize the actual power deployments in their own society. To repeat what one has heard from a “loser,” from “damaged goods” – and this is how trauma survivors are often stigmatized – is to risk marginalization, reprisal, or being tainted by the same low status as the trauma survivor. Just as trauma testimony is always a political act, retelling trauma narratives is like-wise political. Judith Lewis Herman has persuasively connected the capacity to hear, believe, and retell with a supportive social movement.” (193)

We can see aspects of this “law” play out over seasons 9 and 10, in what the narrative denies, what it forgets, and how it frames Dean over this arc. But even if the story and the writers want to forget, that doesn’t mean we as the audience have to do the same.

Sources

“10.07 Girls, Girls, Girls (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 2nd Mar 2015.

“10.14 The Executioner's Song (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 26th Nov 2021.

“4.11 Family Remains (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 21nd Nov 2012.

“5.14 My Bloody Valentine (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 2nd Sept 2014. 

gelasius. “2.03 Bloodlust (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 13th Oct 2006.

Maguen, Shira Ph.D. and Litz, Brett Ph.D. “Moral Injury in Veterans of War.” PTSD Research Quarterly, Vol 23, No. 1, 2012, pp 1 – 6.

Norman, Sonya B. and Maguen, Shira. “Moral Injury.” U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, 26 July 26 2021.

orangemoonchild. “Untitled” (Whitewashing of Sam & Cas’s actions). Tumblr, 24th Apr 2014.

Shay, Jonathan. Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character. New York, Scribner, 1994

swayingwires. “This is What You’re Gonna Become: season 9 as the culmination of Dean Winchester’s thematic roles of identity in SPN.” AO3, July 14th, 2017.

veneredirimmel. “The Wounds That Never Heal.” Tumblr, 24th Nov 2014.

[hermywolf]

I posted 23,034 times in 2022

That's 6,819 more posts than 2021!

773 posts created (3%)

22,261 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hermywolf

@lubefairy

@the-collector-of-souls

@jaskierx

@combeauferre

I tagged 12,046 of my posts in 2022

Only 48% of my posts had no tags

#spn - 3,792 posts

#show:theboys - 1,368 posts

#the boys - 1,088 posts

#destiel - 962 posts

#ofmd - 905 posts

#dean winchester - 740 posts

#jensen ackles - 721 posts

#hermy posts - 698 posts

#i love tumblr - 601 posts

#hughie campbell - 514 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#funnily enough these majorities here fit the general fanon for each of the brother’s sexualities dean’s being bisexual and sam’s generally

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

the development of the butcher vs homelander rivalry through the seasons absolutley kills me. like in s1 butcher’s been considering homelander to be his sworn enemy for EIGHT YEARS and he’s having his little staredown with him and homelander’s like “???" because he has absolutley no idea who that insane little man is. and then during all of s1 and 2 he’s just so amused by butcher like their entire talk at stillwell’s house in which he’s just using him to have his little drama moment and then in s2 when he sees him and goes ":o WILLIAM? :D”

but then in s3 he just fully embraces the entire sworn enemies thing like the man is clearly bored and butcher stole his son so he’s like yeah okay sure. i’ll be his nemesis. scorched earth amiright. and butcher’s like YEAH. SCORCHED EARTH. this is the energy i was looking for LETS GO

most hilarious part is that apparently homelander was expecting butcher to just. fight him. alone. without powers or help from supes or anything. just with his fists and pure unfiltered rage. the second butcher brings soldier boy into the equation homelander is like >:( how dare you >:( that’s cheating >:( and decides to immediately laser him in half. he was fully like oh so this random guy is NOT planning on singlehandedly fighting a literal god with his bare hands? he’s getting backup? well that’s clearly not fair. rivalry ended. die

3,463 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

#4

the three (3) celebrities on here & their reactions to goncharov are killing me. lynda carter is joining in on the fun and saying she was in it, ryan reynolds is goncharovposting and tagging it as unreality. and neil gaiman is having a no good very bad day

3,631 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

#3

See the full post

5,583 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

#2

lmao soldier boy really laughed at homelander for having a cape and then used said cape to pull him down and beat his ass. ednacoded

7,185 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ok yes i hate it when butcher is awful to annie or kimiko because they’re supes but it IS objectively very funny that he was like ‘okay! here’s my anti-supes terrorist group in which we hate supes and murder supes. who wants to join’ and frenchie and hughie were BOTH like ‘me! :D can i bring my supe girlfriend though’ like. how do you even react to that

9,793 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[silverlou21]

Spn season 9

Dean was lying

Dean is crying

Bitch I feel I might be dying

Kevin’s dead

Sam’s a threat

I feel like such a fucking mess

Castiel is now back

But Gadriel is by Metatron’s side

And I don’t think I might survive

I’m laughing

I’m crying

It feels like I’m dying

Supernatural is a drug

I can’t keep fighting

(This isn’t good, but gotta get the feels out)

[quwarichi]

My reactions+summaries of SPN S5-15:

Supernatural Episodes (that were memorable to me):

Currently: S15E20

[Disclaimer: these were written as I was watching each episode for the first time. It’s literally my brain vomit. Let it be known that I watched the series from season 1 but only around season 5 it occured to me that I might want to remember some episodes, so this was created. I am a pretty big destiel shipper, but it only shows here when I absolutely can’t contain myself. You can enjoy my reactions without shipping them. HAVE AT IT]

Season 5-10: 

S5:

S5E03:

Castiel and Dean duo including FBI card incident, Dean pushing Castiel to get it on with a hooker at a club, and a mention of a talk about personal space

S5E04: Dean goes into a future where Sam says yes to Lucifer, Cas is on drugs, and his future self is definitely sad.

S5E14:

Valentine's Day + Cas.

You do the math.

S6:

S6E20: Castiel retelling events from Sam's resurrection to current time while wondering what he should have done differently, if at all. It's heartbreaking and beautiful.

S7:

S7E12: Dean goes back in time to 1944 and investigates Cronos, God of time. Time travel, shenanigans, Dean being 'Awesome' (Also Dean looks really hot in his 40's suit)

S7E17: Cas gets back. No more needed to be added.

S8:

S8E08: Castiel the Hunter is officially a thing now and he's so excited my heart can't stand it.

S8E14: Dean finally gets his own room, complete with a picture of him and his mother + glasses Dean.

S8E21: Apparently, Cas was a bad boy rebel from the start. Also, he told whatshername Naomi to "bite me" as a gesture for his friends.

S8E22: Castiel goes shopping in a 7/11 and he tries guessing what they'll need in the bunker based on his limited knowledge, plus he threatens a store clerk's life because he needs a pie for Dean and there's no more left.

S9:

S9E01: Today, we mourn the loss of the trenchcoat and celebrate Cas' start as a human.

S9E03: Cas wears a red hoodie + his homeless adventures. Plus he gets a tattoo. HE SLEPT WITH A GIRL OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. Okay the girl is not a girl she used him NOOOOO. The girl is not a girl she's a reaper she used him. Cas and Dean reunion.

S9E05: Dean becomes a Disney princess able to communicate with animals.

S9E06: Cas starts working at a convenience store. He thinks his manager asked him out but she just used him for babysitting and he brought her a rose :(. He sings a lullaby to a baby.

S9E09: Cas becomes an FBI agent. Cas tries to figure out how to pray for roughly 7 hours. He suffers torture and sees how his kind has fallen. He also finally got his grace back, sort of.

S9E10: Cas, Crowley, and Dean go on a road trip.

S9E11: Cas wants a guinea pig confirmed. Crowley and Dean's Hellish Adventure. Cas just wants to eat his PB&J in quiet. Sam and Cas hug.

S9E14: Kevin haunts the bunker because he can't go to heaven. Castiel follows a lead about Metatron.

S9E16: Crowley is being drugged off human blood. The return of the Moose and Not Moose AKA Squirrel.

S9E18: Cas has a motel room. A porn movie that Dean likes starts playing and then BAM! A SUDDEN GABRIEL. Freaking bless Gabriel's (soul?) soul. The famous Gabriel-turning-Cas'-head.

S9E21: Cas is the commander now. Crowley's son is in the future.

S9E22: Cas is dying??? Dean is WHAT?

S10:

S10E01: Dean is a Demon and is celebrating with Crowley. Cas is dying and it's hurting. Sam is slowly losing it.

S10E05: you thought The French Mistake was meta? Prepare for Sam and Dean walking into the school production of... 'Supernatural - The Musical'. Yes it's as horrifying/amazing as it seems. Dean learns he gets shipped with Cas. Beautiful cover for Wayward Son. CHUCK WAS SPOTTED.

S10E07: Cas' mind might have melted for a moment. Crowley's mum.

S10E09: Castiel goes to visit Jimmy's daughter, Claire. She calls him a doof, he tells her to eat vegetables. It works.

S10E12: Dean turns into a teenager. He likes Taylor Swift now, don't hate hate hate hate hate.

S10E17: Bobby and Cas' Heavenly Adventure.

S10E20: Cas gets Claire a stuffed cat from "Hot Topical" for her birthday while looking for her mom. Dean and Claire bond.

S10E21: Charlie died, Styne family are dead meat.

S10E23: Cas and Crowley's Witchy Adventures.

[r0semultiverse]

So wait Tessa is both an angel and a Reaper? They can be both?? Like how that one Demon was a Reaper kinda?