#stop acting like women’s attraction is some special magical thing

[king0fcrows]

.

[onyxheartbeat]

When you could finally have sex with a man you’d loved for years, and you’d ride for literal hours while he oftentimes did nothing but lie there like a dead fish, and you’d do it till your thighs were burning, and because he’s injured and has heart disease, he was apologizing his body didn’t work so you felt bad for him, and you were so in love that none of that mattered so you wanted to go the extra mile all the time and it was your first sexual, true relationship so you were so excited, and it felt like magic to you at the time, and you didn’t even care that his dick only gets semi hard, then you’d also blow him every five mins, do the gluck gluck double hand twist and learned what he likes and explored things you both were experiencing for the first time in your lives and did it all whenever he’d ask you to and you really believe you were satisfactory because you put so much attention and love into it and he’d even tell you that you were so good at what you were doing and no woman has ever done that like that for him before, and he was asking for videos of you to take of yourself when you were out, and he was asking you to come over constantly when you were at work, telling you he wanted your body, and every moment you were there for the first few months, he needed to be touching you and loving on you and asking you to sit with him and cuddle him and he acted so in love and told you all these things about how making love to you was beautiful and different for him than he’s ever felt before, and you even watch porn with him and never shame him for that, and YET, you find out he’s subscribing to 25 OnlyFans models who for all you know have been sending him messages and you catch him and ask him why you’re not enough and he dares to say “because you’re not always here” with a laugh and he thought he was funny so you leave his house and go home and he calls your phone 30 times to apologize and you talk it out but over time you realize he’s pulling away and he doesn’t communicate why he slowly stops wanting sex and you catch him watching porn when you’re not around even though you told him you are fine watching as long as you’re together so you figure out it’s you he’s running away from and you learn way too late that’s a common trait for people with avoidant attachment—to be hypersexual with someone in the beginning of a relationship and then have a deactivating strategy of turning to porn and cheating with people who have no intimate connection to them because they have a fear of closeness and abandonment, so you feel like a used toy and a distraction whose sexuality was just a means of escape until they no longer wanted you, and then on top of that, you’re ghosted a year later and you realize he’s probably getting a sexual fix with some other girl(s) in God knows what ways, meanwhile you haven’t been able to find any attraction to another man since him, and you realize the sexuality you made so special for him and gave with so much love and was filled with soul and emotion, because he told you it was, really means nothing to him even though he said always loved you, and you knew he thought of you sexually for years even before you ever touched, and this is all because he’s fucked in the head, and only now in hindsight do you realize that he’s had so many women sexually over the years because of this problem and not because he just had some young player phase, and you realize you’re not special and you’re just the latest one, and you now have irreparable damage to your self esteem and sexuality and feel like it was your personal shortcoming somehow, even though your logical brain knows it’s his dysfunction, and you’re enraged and sad and masturbation ends in tears nowadays and only thinking of him and remembering how you’d tell him you don’t want any other man inside of you ever again, and,

[datingtip4men]

Keys to Succeeding with Single Women

Wouldn't it be great if there was a "magic pill" you could take to meet, attract, and seduce every woman in town? Unfortunately such a pill does not exist.

However, there are some magic methods to help you succeed with single women. And your success with single women will come from within. You are totally responsible for your success or failure in the dating game.

Here are a few keys to succeeding with single women:

1. When you get in your car and turn on your ignition switch, you expect your car to start. You don't just sit there and think about whether it will start or not. You just do it and expect your car to successfully start. Well you must use this same mentality when approaching, meeting, and attracting women. You must expect success and expect good results when pursuing single women. Practice this "expecting success" mentality and you will achieve amazing results in your love life.

 Drive Women Wild with Powerful Pheromone Cologne

2. When you have a vacation, I'm willing to bet that you plan it out in exact detail - where you are going, how to get there, where to stay, places to visit, etc. Well, you must do the same thing with your love life. You must plan your success with women. Create a detailed game plan and take action! It's really sad, but a lot of guys put more effort in planning their vacation than planning on how to be more successful with single women.

After you have developed your plan to turn your love life around, you must put it into action and never look back! Don't let anyone or anything stop you! Keep plugging away until you've met that special hot & sexy lady you've been dreaming about.

3. Use visualization to help you succeed with women. See yourself in your mind's eye successfully meeting, approaching, and seducing single women. Play this movie over and over in your head. By constantly visualizing success with women, this will work on your subconscious mind. With practice you will act this out consciously and what you think about and visualize will become a reality.

4. You must have faith and believe you have what it takes to be successful with single women. I can't express to you enough how important it is to believe in yourself. You must have faith and trust me, faith works miracles. Any of you that are religious can relate to this by witnessing the power of prayers.

P.S. - This article written by Don Diebel (Americas #1 Singles Expert). If you would like more free dating tips on how to successfully meet, date, attract, and seduce single women, please visit his website at: www.getgirls.com

[the-insomniac-emporium]

I love your writing.

if it's not too much trouble may i make a request? I'm thinking the Dimitrescu women meeting and/or courting a fellow immortal.

the circumstances of the immortal's powers and possession of immorality are entirely up to you. I just like the idea of them meeting someone they could literally spend forever with...because they deserve it ❤

I wasn't sure if you wanted a story or headcanons? I went with HCs, here, but if you wanted more of a drabble or whatever just lemme know and I'll write something like that.

Also, I got excited and carried away so this has the whole Dimitrescu family, plus shorter ones for both Mother Miranda and Donna. Admittedly Alcina's is also a little on the shorter side? I tried to write everything that came to mind, but I am kinda tired right now, sorry. Might reblog this and add some more later.

(Under read-more for length)

Cassandra:

Tries (and fails) to hide her excitement. Mortality is one of the bigger things that has made her keep her distance to others, at least in the past. Every Maiden she’s ever been the slightest bit smitten with, up until this point, has been incredibly fragile. Seeing as she’s not exactly the softest person, one can easily imagine why that would be a turn off for her. But now that’s no longer a problem!

On the other had… having an immortal partner gives Cassandra pause. Why? Because what if they breakup? Normally, she can just, ahem, “dispose” of any exes (regardless of how much it hurts) so she doesn’t have to see them/deal with them anymore. If that’s not an option, she’ll definitely take longer than usual to do anything about her feelings. She wants to be sure, 100%, before she gets in over her head. Chances are she won’t hold back for as long as she wants though.

Likely to have a loud, messy confession. She’ll have been avoiding you for a few days, always ducking out of whatever rooms you enter, leaving you both hurt and confused. After enlisting the help of her sisters, you’ll be able to corner her outside. She’ll tell you, under no uncertain circumstances, to leave her alone. But you’ll refuse, demanding an explanation.

“I thought we had something. I thought you cared,” you’ll snap, eyes watering. “If that’s changed… if I was wrong, just tell me. I’ll leave and I’ll never come back.” Cue thunder and raining (because tropes) and Cassandra dramatically pulling you into a kiss, holding you so tightly you think you might bruise. Then she’s demanding that you stay, refusing to apologize but making it clear just how much she does care.

Being immortal, you’re not as defenseless as some of Cassandra’s past interests. Naturally, she doesn’t get quite as protective as she normally would. She’ll still have your back no matter what, ready to fight by your side against any foe, and will probably consider doing so a “fun bonding activity”. Oh, some lycans are encroaching on Dimitrescu territory? Time to go destroy them, as a power couple!

Despite having all the time in the world, Cassandra won’t change much of her actual courting behavior, nor the rate at which things advance. She’s still gonna get handsy fairly early on, still gonna “rah!” at you in the hallways, and still going to struggle with her jealousy.

Immortality Compatibility: I can see Cassandra going for another vampire (or vampire adjacent) creature, or someone demonic. She likes her lovers a bit rough, with some nice bite to their personalities. If you’ve got sharp teeth, or claws, or glowing eyes? Oh boy, she’s gonna be making heart eyes at you all the time.

Bela:

If your immortality isn’t immediately obvious, Bela is over the moon with joy when she finds out. Her eyes will go wide for a moment, before she tries to seem calm (so as to not freak you out), but her heart is pounding. This is what she’s been hoping for. As much as Mother Miranda has done for her family, there’s no guarantee that she’d be willing to give more. Even if Miranda granted Bela’s lover her “gift”, there was no telling what the results would be, or if the lover would survive. Now that there’s no need for such a transformation, it’s far easier for Bela to imagine herself in love (and eventually be in love).

Slow-burn romance over a decade or longer, oops. Doesn’t even necessarily mean to take things so slowly, just doesn’t feel a need to rush things, preferring that they develop organically. With both of you having unlimited time, you’re both used to working on a very large timescale. Maidens watching the two of you probably place bets on how long it’ll take you to hold hands for the first time. Everyone knows it’s coming, but no matter how much Cassandra and Daniela complain, Bela refuses to jump into things. By the time the two of you are officially together, you’re probably madly in love with each other.

More protective than Cassandra, if only because she knows just how rare you are. Immortal or not, you likely still have a weakness, and Bela will do everything in her power to make sure no one else knows what it is. If applicable, she will also ensure she has a countermeasure readily available. For example: If you were weak to fire, she’d make sure that the castle keeps extinguishers handy, just in case. Though they should probably already do that. Not that the Dimitrescu family cares much for OSHA compliance.

Somehow grows more in love with you with every passing year, and makes sure that you know this. Whether you’ve been together for one year or one century (because in this house we ignore canon), she’s always performing little acts of love, giving constant reminders of how strongly she feels. Gifts, special dates, book recommendations, etc.

Immortality Compatibility: Bela seems like the type to go for someone with a calming presence, and perhaps somewhat of a contrast to herself. I can picture her with someone somewhat angelic, or druidic, someone very in tune with nature. She’d love to feed deer with you and relax in the forest! Or lay against a tree by your side, listening to you talk about various microorganisms for hours at a time.

Daniela:

Practically tackles you when she finds out/connects the dots. This is just like one of her romance novels, where a lonely (attractive as fuck) immortal spends years in isolation before finally meeting the love of their life, who they get to spend the rest of eternity with. Absolutely ecstatic about the whole situation. Won’t stop kissing you and pulling you close, rambling about how great it’s gonna be to spend your lives together. Honestly? Kind of overwhelming. You might have to remind her a few times that you don’t have to rush into things, considering you have all the time in the world.

Introduces you to people as her “super cool/rad immortal life partner”. Genuinely cannot bring herself to not brag about you. If her sisters haven’t found someone like you yet, you can bet that Daniela will tease them about it all the time (much to their annoyance). If Momma Alcina doesn’t, though? Dani will keep her thoughts to herself, thank you very much (being grounded at her age does not impress the s/o).

Tries not to show it, but she’s actually very nervous. You’re immortal! You’ve probably seen a lot of shit (she certainly has)! Worries about keeping you interested in her, though she would never admit it. This tends to lead to her performing ridiculous acts to showcase her affection, regardless of the cost or, like, whether or not you’d even enjoy whatever she has planned. In order to counter her anxiety, you’ll want to reassure her whenever you can, and give her plenty of “I love you”s.

Strikes a decent balance between Cassandra’s nonchalant attitude and Bela’s protectiveness. Will defend you if you need it, playing up the romantic aspect, but also entirely willing to hide behind you in a scary situation.

Immortality Compatibility: Having probably read Twilight… Dani would date a werewolf, as long as they weren’t the smelly kind. Also interested in a sort of “magical”/elemental type, especially if their powers are influenced by emotions. In other words, if someone flirts with her in front of you, and your response is to subconsciously light your hands/the other person on fire? She thinks that’s hot, pun intended.

Alcina:

“Oh? Interesting,” she’d say, smiling softly (and trying to ignore the heat rushing to her face). Similarly to Cassandra, she’d try to play it off, not wanting to seem too excited. And, well, she’s not as excited as any of her daughters are. After all, she’s had more time than them to “get used” to the idea of outliving any potential romantic interests. So, she’s not exactly desperate for a relationship, even with someone she could spend an eternity with.

That being said, if she is romantically interested in them, she’s very relieved. Outliving a loved one can be incredibly traumatizing (fuck you c*pcom, you know what you did), and knowing that you’re safe (or at least safer than most) brings her no small amount of comfort.

Also, just glad to have another person close to her age around. Her daughters are somewhat stuck as young adults, and I imagine Alcina would want someone who gained immortality a little later in life, such as herself, as opposed to, ya know, reminding her of her children. That probably goes without saying. Hopefully.

More so than her daughters, Alcina would change her level of protectiveness depending on her s/o’s power level. If you’re a shapeshifter who can also turn into a big ass dragon? Then she’s not going to coddle you. If you’re immortal but still vulnerable, then she’s going to do her best to keep you safe, even going so far as to enlist the assistance of her daughters. “If you see a single Maiden growing mistletoe, or bringing some in from the village, let me know immediately,” or something like that, depending on your weakness.

Immortality Compatibility: Definitely would want someone in a situation similar to herself, having once been truly human, only to be “elevated” by something. Bonus points if you’re another disciple of Miranda, double bonus points if Miranda specifically “made” you to be Alcina’s boo/honey/darling/dear.

Bonus! Mother Miranda:

Oh god finally someone who won’t leave her (can’t leave her). No one can take you away from her, and that’s a relief that she’s been craving for over a century. Even if romance isn’t high on her priority list, she welcomes it with open arms, glad to have someone by her side through all of life’s chaos.

Admittedly slow to trust at first, probably just using you as a tool at first. But prove yourself enough, show that your devotion is more than just misdirected self-interest, and she’ll start to warm up to you. Forming a real relationship would likely take a couple decades, similar to with Bela. Once you are together, however, the two of you are inseparable in all matters.

You’d be her #1 follower, most trusted adviser, and the only person allowed to understand 100% of her thoughts and motives. While Miranda wouldn’t allow you to be seen as the same level as her (sorry), you’d still be a legend among the villagers. To them, you’re Mother Miranda’s champion, the epitome of a devoted follower that they all aspire to emulate. Not that they know the two of you are a couple, though.

Immortality Compatibility: No gimmicks, no cheap tricks, she wants (and respects) a fellow scientist, someone who clawed their way through adversity and forged themselves into something indestructible. Double the interest if you did so for a similar cause to her own, as she would appreciate your ability to relate to her suffering.

Bonus! Donna:

Someone to play with! FOREVER! No more losing people she cares about, no more accidentally breaking people, no more people scrambling to leave. Now that she has you, she can finally spend some quality time with another (living?) person. Honestly her dolls (or at least Angie) are just as excited as she is. Regardless of her relations with the other three Lords, Donna much prefers the company of a lover.

For real though she’s shy as hell and you might not even realize who’s pulling the strings until you’ve been in her house for over a year. She’d probably use her powers to trap you inside, at least at first, though they’d be nice hallucinations. You’d have to treat the dolls nicely, especially Angie, before she’d let you interact with her.

Eventually you’d be allowed to leave, and you’d be given a key to return whenever you wanted to. Assuming that you do, in fact, come back, the two of you would have a very, very slow romance, if only because of Donna’s anxiety. Hand holding makes both of your faces turn beet red, seriously.

Immortality Compatibility: *chanting* GHOST GIRLFRIEND GHOST GIRLFRIEND POLTERGEIST PARTNER POLTERGEIST PARTNER WOOHOO! Something with a flexible, only-sometimes-tangible form, who absolutely could have left at any time but didn’t because they wanted to stay.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers Lunatic Parade Special Pamphlet Short Story: The 12 Vampires and the Magic Lamp [ENG Translation]

Original title: １２人のヴァンパイアと魔人のランプ

Source: Diabolik Lovers Lunatic Parade Limited Edition Special Pamphlet

Summary: After the Parade has come to an end, Yui receives a special ‘Magic Lamp’ from Count Walter’s butler which can be used to grant a single wish. As she tries to refuse the gift, the Sakamaki, Mukami and Tsukinami brothers promptly stop her and begin to fight over who has the right to use this valuable treasure. She escapes, but the boys chase her around the city, each of them determined to have their own wish granted. ーー And so, their game of tag begins.

“Chichinashi! Where are you hidin’!?”

“Oooi~ Bitch-chan~! Be a good girl and show yourself?”

With the Parade having come to an end, Ayato-kun and Laito-kun’s voices echo through a now quiet and nearly deserted Glimmer Street. While hiding in the shadow of the buildings, a sof sigh fell from my lips. 

“...What to do? I have to hurry and go to Bernstein Castle...”

Right now, I am on the run not only from Ayato-kun and Laito-kun, but from a total of 12 different Vampires. 

All of this happened because I obtained the golden, shimmering ‘magic lamp’ I’m currently holding in my hands.

ーー It happened after I managed to regain my heart with everyone’s help.

As I was about to leave this city to return to the Human World, I was approached by a butler working for Count Walter. He handed me this ‘Magic Lamp’ as an apology for the trouble his Master had caused me. According to what I was told, it is an extremely valuable treasure which will grant any one wish.

Furthermore...The Sakamaki, Mukami and Tsukinami brothers were there to witness the whole ordeal.

“I just can’t accept something so valuable. ...I’ll give this back to you, okay?”

As I said that in hope of returning to Bernstein castle afterwards, they stopped me in disbelief. 

And then claimed that if I did not want it, they would use it instead. ...This resulted into a fight and before they knew it, I had made a run for it, taking the lamp with me.

ーー And that is how our game of tag started.

I am not quite sure what everyone would wish for, but I believe we don’t need this thing if it can fulfill one person’s wish only.

“Heeh...So that’s your reasoning. Well, I’m pretty sure it’s useless though...”

“ーー S-Shuu-san...!?”

“Not just Shuu. I’m here too. Geez, you really made us go through the trouble of lookin’ for you.”

When I raised my head, Subaru-kun was standing next to me as well. ...No, it wasn’t just the two of them. All of the Sakamaki brothers had gathered, from Ayato-kun and Laito-kun whom I believed had walked past me earlier, to Kanato-kun and even Reiji-san. 

“Hehe...You’re pretty desperate, Subaru.”

“I mean, Subaru-kun’s going to wish for Bitch-chan to fall head over heels in love with him, right~? No wonder he’s so desperate, nfu~”

“D-Don’t be makin’ up lies! My wish is a new coffin!”

“All I want...is to live surrounded by an endless amount of sweets!”

“In that case, I’m gonna wish for a huge load of takoyaーー No, actually, might not be bad to have Chichinashi turned into a Chichiari*.”

--> チチアリ or ‘Chichiari’ would be the opposite of ‘Chichinashi’, literally meaning ‘to have boobs’.

“Eh!? M-Me...!?”

“You can’t, Ayato-kun. I’ll be one turning Bitch-chan into a voluptuous, young woman after all~*”

--> He literally describes it as a ナイスバディのオネーサン or ‘Nice body no Onee-san’. Onee-san is used to refer to women who are older than you are but since Laito-kun is only 17 in human years, it would apply to a girl in her early 20s as well.

“G-Geez! Cut it out, you two...!”

“...You guys really came up with some bullshit. If it can grant any wish, I’d make it so the Old Man never bothers me again...Pwaah...”

And so, they began to slowly close in on me. The very moment they reached for the lamp, Reiji-san - who had been the only one remaining quiet so far - suddenly raised his voice.

“Would you care explain this to me? ...Because you kept touching the lamp with those sweaty palms, there are now fingerprints all over it! Come on, it is not too late yet! Put these on at once!”

While frantically shouting at me, he threw a pair of white gloves my way. Surprised by his menacing look, I put them on as asked, and Reiji-san finally nodded his head in agreement. 

“I am disappointed...Do none of you grasp the true value of this lamp?”

“Haah? Are we really not allowed to touch it with our bare hands...?”

“It looks pretty normal from the outside though~ I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a similar example in Kanato-kun’s room...?”

“Yes. ...Well, that one isn’t capable of granting wishes though.”

Reiji-san sighed deeply at Ayato-kun, Latio-kun and Kanato-kun’s consecutive comments.

“...Only two of these ‘magic lamps’ exist in this world, making them very valuable from a historic point of view. Furthermore, the lamp may disappear once it has granted one’s wish, therefore it revolts me you lot are even considering putting it to use...”

While the other guys seemed little interested in Reiji-san’s emotion-laden speech, he once again spoke up.

“Well, I doubt you will ever understand.  ーー Especially you, whom I did not expect to even join us in the first place...”

“...Shut up. Who cares?”

Shuu-san calmly brushed off Reiji-san’s taunt as if it was nothing. 

“Hehe...Seems like he doesn’t give a shit ‘bout what you say.”

“Fufu, take a look at that frustrated expression on Reiji’s face. ...This might be the most interesting thing I’ve seen in quite some time.”

“Geez, cut it out you two~ Don’t you feel bad for Reiji~?”

“Feel bad? ...Hehe. Pretty sure your words hurt even more.”

The other four brothers who had been listening in on their conversation continued to chuckle...Which eventually caused Shuu-san to burst out laughing as well.

Seems like this sight dealt a pretty hefty blow to Reiji-san’s pride, as he stood there shaking violently from sheer anger.

I better make a run for it before things take a turn for the worse...

I used the fact they had suddenly completely forgotten about me to my advantage, and left the place at once.

“...Phew. Thank god. Seems like they didn’t notice.”

I eventually found myself on Aizen Alley, one of the streets located in the very back of Glimmer street. To be honest, I wasn’t too thrilled about having to pass through there, but if I wanted to head to the castle while avoiding Ayato-kun and the others, I had no other choice. 

“Hehe...Too bad. You can’t escape us First Bloods.”

“Hand over that lamp you are holding at once.”

I gasp at the voices resounding from the darkness. Those who appeared were Shin-kun and Carla-san.

“I-I can’t do that...! I believe it is wrong to use the lamp for one’s own selfish pursuits...”

“If we give it back, it’ll just get thrown into some old, dusty storage room, right? In that case, I’m pretty sure the lamp would be happier to have someone use it as well?”

“B-But...”

“Come on, don’t hesitate. You’re keeping Nii-san waiting as well. Can’t you hurry up?”

“...T-Then, what would you wish for, Shin-kun?”

While snorting at my desperate question, he answered with a smile.

“That should be obvious. I’d make sure those filthy Vampires disappear off the face of the Demon World at onーー”

“ーー No. We want cured ham.”

“N-Nii-san...?”

“We shall change all food in this world to cured ham. That is my...No, the dearest wish of all First Bloods.”

“R-Right...”

Carla-san would blurt that out with a straight face. It is the very definition of a selfish wish but I wonder if Shin-kun is truly okay with it? ...I look over at Shin-kun while wondering that, seeing him look at Carla-san in utter defeat.

“...Well then, woman. Hand it over right now.”

“You’re actually hoping to fulfill that wish...!?”

“Yes, of course.”

All food in this world will turn into cured ham...That is just simply pushing it one step too far. It pains me to have to deceive him...But I decided to tell a certain lie.

“H-Have you already had the chance to try the cured ham galette which is said to be this city’s speciality...?”

“...Pardon?”

“It’s a limited edition galette which is available at stores only after the Parade has ended. While passing by the shops earlier, I noticed that only very few were left, so I figured I would inform you just in case...”

While there was no guaranteeing he would believe me, I wanted to make Carla-san forget about the lamp, even if just for a few minutes. With that sole purpose in mind, I continued my act.

“...Let us go, Shin. Just leave this woman be.”

“W-Wait, Nii-san! You’re just going to believe her on her word!?”

“We will know whether she was speaking the truth or not once we get to the shop. Even if she had been lying, capturing a human woman is child’s play to me. However, if she has been speaking the truth...”

“If we don’t hurry, they’ll run out of cured ham galettes, right? ...Right, I understand.”

Realizing there was no point in trying to reason with him, Shin-kun reluctantly trailed behind Carla-san as they left. 

I truly am sorry...While internally apologizing to both of them, I headed towards my desitation. 

“Haah...I can finally see it in the distance...”

Some time after I bid farewell with the Tsukinami brothers, I finally got close to Bernstein castle.

“Oh no...I can’t approach the castle like this...”

After all, four familiar figures were standing lined up by the castle’s gate. Those are the Mukami brothers...Of course, with Ruki-kun standing in the middle. As to be expected of a strategist like him. If I wanted to return the lamp to its owner, I would have to make it back here eventually. They were one step ahead of me.

“Eve...Found you...”

“...!! A-Azusa-kun!?”

When I timidly turned around at the voice suddenly calling for me from behind, Azusa-kun - who was talking to Ruki-kun and the others up until seconds ago - suddenly stood right in front of me. 

“Ahー M-neko-chan! So this is where you’ve been~!”

“Che...Ya sure took yer sweet time. You’re damn late, Sow!”

“...Calm down, you guys. If we make too much of a ruckus, we’ll attract the attention of the others.”

When I raised my voice, it caught everyone’s attention and without a chance to slip away, I was soon surrounded by the four Mukami brothers.

“I’m sorry, guys. But I won’t hand over this lamp to anyone...!”

After jumping the gun like that, Ruki-kun let out a disappointed sigh.

“...Seems like you have got the wrong idea. I simply want to look after the lamp for you.”

“Eh...? You don’t want to use it to grant your own wish?”

“Of course not. If a Vampire such as myself holds on to the lamp, it will decrease the chances of one of the other guys stealing it.”

“You say that buuuut~ ...Ruki-kun, aren’t you actually hoping to use that lamp to renovate our manor~?”

“Your own exclusive study room off-limits for anyone else, and a play room filled with nothing but chess boards...Hehe, as to be expected of Mr. Eldest son.”

“Kuh...! Don’t assume such things. All I want to do is to make the home we have received from that man the most comfortable for you all to live in...!”

While Ruki-kun chuckles sarcastically after his true intentions are exposed by his siblings, Azusa-kun reached out for me.

“Listen, Eve...The four of us talked it out and...We’ve decided to use the lamp together with Ruki as our representative...”

“Ruki-kun’s so mean, you know~! I was actually going to wish for a hundred year’s worth of Vongole Bianco.” 

“I was gonna ask for the power to manipulate the weather...But my idea got shot down at once. ...Haah...And here I thought I could make field work a lil’ easier on myself...”

“I just want to be with Eve so...I didn’t really have any particular wishes...”

“Is that so...? It’s really admirable of you all to hold back on your own desires.”

Even though the younger brothers were voicing their complaints, it didn’t seem like they were going to force their own wishes through. I’m sure it is because Ruki-kun intends to make a wish which benefits the whole family, as the deep bond of trust between the four brothers somehow made me feel warm inside.

However...That still does not mean I will give them the lamp. 

“Uhm, you see...It just doesn’t sit right with me to only have one person’s wish granteーー!?”

The second I felt as if something was closing on me, a large sound resounded from the nearby buildings before they collapsed.

“...!? This magic...”

“The Tsukinami’s...perhaps? Look, over there...!”

“Ugeh! They look hella pissed off! Did ya do somethin’!?”

“Uu...W-Well...”

I could feel my heart drop at Yuma-kun’s words. Carla-san and Shin-kun must be upset about the lie I ended up telling them back then...

“Say, what should we do!? At this rate, we’ll all be turned to dust...!”

Kou-kun’s exclamation made me panic as I rushed towards the two brothers. Either way, I just had to apologize as quickly as possible...However, I was stopped by the Sakamaki brothers before I could reach them.

“You’ve got nowhere to run now...Oi, hand me the lamp already!”

“What are you saying, Subaru? I will be using the lamp. You’re in the way!”

“Hell no! I’m gonna have my wish granted!”

“Ehー Let me have the honor for once~ We can only use it once and my wish is obviously the best.”

Shuu-san joins in a little late as well and before I know it, the Sakamaki, Mukami and Tsukinami brothers are all gathered just like when we started off.

Glares were being exchanged here and there as a hostile atmosphere fills the air. I can no longer stop them all by myself. In that case, I will have to rely on an outer source to back me up. I didn’t want to use the lamp to have a wish granted but...This is the only way to stop their fight.

While rubbing the side of the lamp, I spoke up with a loud voice.

“Release lanterns into the sky once more!”

White smoke emitted from the lamp and soon after ー Poof! The lamp disappeared with a popping sound. 

When I look up at the sky, I once again witness the same magical sight of countless lanterns floating through the sky, just like they did a few hours ago. ...At some point, their quarreling voices had gone quiet as well. 

“You...Haah. You really are a foolish woman.”

“Ya really think we’re happy with this crap? Geez. Ya really used the lamp for some useless shit...”

“...Eh...?”

Shuu-san and Yuma-kun’s remarks catch me off guard as I froze on the spot.

“...Livestock, seems like you did not grasp the true value of that lamp.”

“Exactly...To think a great hidden treasure of the Demon World has been lost over such a ridiculous wish...!”

Ruki-kun and Reiji-san voiced their complaints as well.

“B-But...! All of you were moved by the lanterns, no...?”

I frantically reached out for the others, hoping that at least one of them would agree with me. ...That was all I wished for, yet...

“I mean, sure? But to be honest, I didn’t need to see it a second time...”

“...I’d hate to have to agree with a mere Vampire...But I’ll admit that Kou is right this one time. You feel the same, don’t you, Nii-san?”

“...My cured ham...”

“Too bad, Shin-san...Seems like Carla-san can’t hear you right now...”

“Ah-aah...I was looking forward to seeing a sexy Bitch-chan as well~”

“Me too. I was already making plans for which sweet I would try first...!”

“Fuck! There goes my plan of gettin’ a coffin in which nobody can bother me...!”

All I got in return were negative responses and sighs.

“...Guess I’ve got no other choice then! Oi, Chichinashi! Let me suck your blood to make up for it!”

“W-Wait! That’s way too sudden...!”

“Shut up! That’s the only thing which can calm this anger inside of me!”

While Ayato-kun closed in, I looked around me in search of someone to save me, but all I could see were a bunch of eyes glaring at me from the darkness. At this rate, they will all take my blood. ...There is no way I would come out of that alive. Realizing I had to make a run for it...I dashed away at full-speed.

“Ah! Wait, M-neko-chan!!”

“Geez, Bitch-chan! I’m not scary though~!”

The many lanterns floating through the night sky was a sight to behold, but unfortunately, I did not have the leaway to enjoy that right now. After all, I had to flee from their approaching footsteps and voices calling out for me as soon as possible.

I didn’t want them to fight and while I never expected them to become friends, I wished they would at least try and be on neutral terms with each other. 

That wish was most definitely granted. Right now, they had put the strained relationship between the different families aside to join forces.

However, knowing their shared goal is my blood...doesn’t make me happy at all.

ーー The Demon World’s Parade safely came to an end, but my night had only just begun.

ーー END ーー

[babyybitchhhwrites]

Hisoka x Reader 18+

Title: An Unexpected Surprise 

Rating: Explicit/R-18+

Words: 4445

Warnings: barebacking, cowgirl position, hot tub sex

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581845

♥♥♥♥

Finding Hisoka waiting for you in your room was not a particularly surprising turn of events. The man had a history of simply letting himself in whenever the mood to do so struck his fancy and, despite not having a keycard to grant him access, you’d never been able to find any evidence to suggest forced entry. His enigmatic response every time you’d asked how he did it had been “It’s magic”. Nothing more. Nothing less. It was infuriating and unnerving in equal measure but you’d since become grudgingly accustomed to these impromptu visits. It seemed to be part and parcel where any acquaintance with him was concerned. 

Finding Hisoka naked and waiting for you in the hot tub your room was outfitted with, however, was unexpected. The candles and the scattered rose petals floating in the water with him were especially concerning and you froze in the doorway, trying to process what you were seeing. Nude man. Cheesy romantic setting. The smell of wisteria and jasmine wafting from the burning wicks that were strategically placed on every available surface. If you didn’t know any better, you might have thought he was looking to genuinely woo you this evening but you were much too familiar with his twisted inclinations to fall for that trick. 

“What are you doing?” You asked suspiciously. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” He simpered and submerged one sharp nailed hand under the water before lifting it back up so that the resulting splash echoed off the walls. An errant petal cascaded down into the water again and another plastered itself to the elegant curve of his wrist, looking for all the world like a splotch of blood against pale white skin. The handful of candles floating in the tub shifted against the ripples and slowly drifted in opposite directions as he brought his gaze up to pin you with a pointed leer. “I’ve been waiting for you, love. For some time now, actually. I think I might be starting to prune.” 

“Pity.” You murmured, thoroughly distracted. “That doesn’t answer my question though. What’s with all of … this?”

Cocking his head to one side when you gestured vaguely at the bathroom, Hisoka allowed his smile to widen. “Don’t you like it? I was under the impression that most women enjoyed this sort of thing.”

“I don’t.” You shot back, sounding unnecessarily petulant to your own ears.

“Well, I do. Now get in.” 

Lifting a brow at the command in his tone, you stood your ground. Hisoka didn’t seem daunted by the look of challenge you were pinning him with though and he merely continued to stare you down with a level of patience that spoke volumes. He was willing to wait as long as it took and he would not be leaving until he got what he wanted. Typical. 

You finally gave in with a deeply bothered sigh and reached for the hem of your shirt. “Fine. But I expect an explanation once I’m in there.” 

“You know I’m not in the habit of leaving you disappointed.” Hisoka purred as he watched you jerkily disrobe, annoyance with his antics evident in every quick motion. 

Saying he was unperturbed by the prickly display would have been an understatement and, realizing that you weren’t going to get anywhere by acting like this, you dropped the pretense altogether. Your shoulders relaxed and you reached back to unclasp your bra, shrugging the straps down the length of your arms. Hisoka’s pointedly dangerous attention zeroing in on your exposed chest made your skin crawl in a way that was as exciting as it was disconcerting. You tried not to pay him any mind though, ignoring the goosebumps that erupted across your body when you slipped your fingers into the waistband of your panties so you could slide them off. 

Your nipples tightened and peaked for your audience of one as you straightened back up upon stepping out of them. Being naked in front of this particular man was always an experience, if not because he was quite possibly the most deadly individual taking up residence in Heaven’s Arena then because you never knew what to expect from him. He was capable of any number of atrocities, as violent as he was unpredictable, and here you were, nude as the day you were born. It always left you feeling indescribably vulnerable and defenseless but, in this case at least, he was just as naked as you were. 

Somehow, you found that marginally comforting and you stepped over to the hot tub without bothering to try and cover yourself. Such bashful behavior would only serve to amuse Hisoka and give him a reason to tease and bully you, which wasn’t something you usually invited. He’d have his fun with you either way before this night was through so there really wasn’t any reason to give him more ammunition to work with. 

“I’m starting to think I should talk to the staff about upping security on my room.” You said, casually offhand as you climbed over the ledge of the tub. 

“That won’t stop me, I’m afraid. You’re welcome to give it a try though.”

Shooting him a quick look, you stepped down into the water and couldn’t seem to resist issuing a quiet sound of pleasure when the warmth immediately started seeping into your muscles. It felt much too good for you to cling to your displeasure with his invasive escapades and total lack of respect for personal boundaries. The tantalizingly sweet, relaxing aroma drifting throughout the steamy room also helped and your last remaining reservations were gone before you even realized it.

Humming contentedly when you lowered yourself down to sit, you watched the candles rock around you from the resulting slosh of your added mass to the water. You probably should’ve known better than to trust Hisoka with so many fire hazards in a single space but, so far at least, he hadn’t done anything outwardly distressing enough to warrant panic on your part. Besides breaking and entering his way into your room, that is. 

You glanced across the expanse of the tub to find him watching you, a knowing smirk curling his damnably kissable mouth, and you huffed. “Spill it.” 

“Whatever could you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean. What’s with this lovey dovey atmosphere? It doesn’t suit you.” 

He had the nerve to look shocked by that assertion. “How rude! And here I am trying to do something thoughtful for you.”

You pinned him with a wry smile. “I don’t buy that, Hisoka.” 

“Good. Because it was bullshit.” 

You laughed before you could catch it. That seemed to please him and, drawing a slow breath that made his broad chest puff out, Hisoka gradually leaned forward so that the candles scattered again with the redistribution of his weight in the tub. He was lythe and sleek in the flickering light, all sinewy muscle and unfairly attractive. An entirely different animal with his vibrant red hair down, the signature star and teardrop you were accustomed to seeing absent for once. Your throat cinched as you watched him close the distance between you two but didn’t try to escape; allowing him to brace his hands against the ledge so that your head was bracketed between his arms and you were effectively caged in. Trapped. 

“This,” He intoned in a sly, lilting voice. “Is all for me, love. You’re just the lucky girl I’ve decided to share this special night with, that’s all. Don’t you feel honored?” 

“What’s the occasion?” You asked thinly, idly wondering if now was a good time to start panicking. 

Supple lips parting on a breathy chuckle, Hisoka dipped his face down to brush a fleeting kiss across your mouth. You didn’t make a move to return the gesture, letting him deliver increasingly more demanding pecks to your face before eventually pulling back with a soft, reverberating groan. 

“It’s my birthday.” 

Your brows shot up in stark surprise, jerking your attention around to look into his face. “Your birthday?” He nodded, once, and you valiantly tried to wrap your head around that information. “You mean to tell me someone actually gave birth to you and you didn’t just … appear one day?” 

“What a mean thing to say.” He admonishingly chided, but the glint of amusement reflecting in those ocher eyes suggested that he found such an accusation funny rather than offensive. Rolling his shoulders back in an enticingly slow shrug that made the muscles in his chest flex, Hisoka nudged even closer and you tensed when you found yourself pinned against the side of the tub. “Isn’t there anything else you can think of that might be more appropriate for this situation?” 

You thought about that for a moment, trying to pretend like you didn’t notice the spark of pooling heat in your gut. “You’re a Gemini …” You said at last. “I’m not surprised. Actually, that explains a lot.” 

Hisoka promptly threw his head back and laughed up at the ceiling. You chanced a tentative smile, finding his good humor tonight a bit suspicious, but then he abruptly shoved himself up against you so hard that water splashed out over the side of the tub and slapped against the tile floor. Mouth opening in shock, you shuddered as he forced his way between your legs until his pelvis was slotted tightly against yours. The unmistakable weight of his cock, already straining hard, settled on your stomach and your hands flew up to blindly sink nails into his biceps. 

“Hisoka - !” 

“I was expecting to hear ‘happy birthday’, at the very least.” He cooed, peering down at you from just a scant few inches away. “Where are your manners, darling? Hmm?”

Leaning close, he teasingly brushed the tip of his nose along your cheek in a blithe imitation of affectionate nuzzling. You tipped your face up at him and brought your legs around his narrow waist in silent encouragement. It was impossible to deny the dizzying heights of arousal this incredibly dangerous man inspired within you but all he did was laugh, the puff of hot air on your skin making you tremble. 

“What a curious little thing you are. One moment you’re acting like you could care less and the next you’re so eager for me to have my way with you.” He paused to nip at your earlobe and the sharp sensation of teeth sinking into delicate flesh caused you to gasp. Mouth curling in a devious smirk, Hisoka pressed his lips against the outer shell of your ear so that his voice was the only thing you could make out over the sound of your own pounding heartbeat. “Do you really expect things to go your way just because you’re willing to submit to me? Is that it?” 

You tried to speak but nothing came out. All you could focus on was the hard length resting threateningly against your lower belly, the palpable memories of his cock carving out a space within you inspiring white hot pangs of desire throughout your core. There was a veritable laundry list detailing exactly why engaging with him like this wasn’t a good idea but you still found yourself arching into his touch when Hisoka brushed the rough pad of his thumb over your puckered nipple. You couldn’t escape his gravitational pull even if you’d tried. 

“Well?” He prodded, letting the sharp point of a single nail just barely scrape the peak of your breast. 

Sucking in a haggard gulp of air, you clung to him even more fervently. “If you want to hear it so bad, I’ll say it.” You managed to croak out.

Hisoka noised a thoughtful hum and drew back, surprising you yet again when he slipped out of your hold in favor of retreating back to his end of the hot tub. “I think I’d rather have you show me.” 

You stared in rapt disbelief as he reclined against the side, bracing his elbows along the ledge so that just the tips of those sinfully long fingers dipped into the water. It took a prolonged moment for your cloudy mind to catch up with what was happening but, at last, you grumbled something unkind under your breath before moving after him, much more mindful of the bobbing candles than he’d been.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

“I’ve may have heard that once or twice before.” He said with a flippant shrug. 

Pursing your lips, you climbed up to straddle his lap. Hisoka offered you a smile that could only be described as condescending, making you scowl even as you reached under the softly rolling surface of the water to find his cock. You gave it a tight squeeze, reveling in the silky skin under your fingers, and his chest hitched at the sensation.

You let out a slow breath through your nose while you pumped him, resigned to your fate. He probably would’ve been content to take the lead as he always did if you’d just told him what he wanted to hear, but it was clear now that he wouldn’t lift a finger to assist until he’d deemed your transgression paid in full. Such bratty behavior was par the course for him though, so not at all surprising, and you angled his cock so you could rub the glans against your clit in tauntingly slow passes.

“Did you want anything else for your birthday?” You ventured quietly. 

“No. Just you.” 

You cocked a brow at that but the cryptic grin Hisoka fixed you with seemed to imply that was all the explanation you were going to get. As much as you knew better than to unquestioningly trust the things that came out of his mouth, there really wasn’t much you could do to argue the point and you grudgingly left it at that. 

Using your fingertips to guide the hard length of him to your entrance, you started to sink down. The bulbous head dipped into the flesh of your labia, forcing the meaty lips to spread for him, and you sucked in a faltering breath to steady yourself. The lack of meaningful prep added onto the resistance of the water made penetration a slow going process but you basked in the searing burn. He breached your body one torturous fraction at a time, the pressure just this side of painful, until the glans finally popped through the first barrier. You stilled above him, giving your body a chance to adjust before bearing down on him again with an unbidden moan that seemed to claw its way up your throat.

Hisoka responded with his own rumbling noise of pleasure and you choked on a disgruntled squawk when he lifted his hips to force himself another inch or so inside. You swayed above him, reaching out with both hands to grab onto his shoulders when the tension in your loins doubled and threatened to bowl you over. The stretch was exquisite, blurring the line of pleasure and discomfort so thoroughly that you weren’t sure which side you were on anymore. It hardly seemed to matter though and, biting your lip in concentration, you pushed down until he was sheathed within you halfway to the base. 

You had to stop and regroup then, taking several long blinks to clear the starbursts from your eyes. Hisoka shifted underneath you, making your pussy ache and flutter around him, but he didn’t try to force you to take the rest of his cock just yet. Instead, he nonchalantly brought one of his hands around to idly tweak your nipple and you gasped. Brows furrowing, you tucked your chin down to watch him pinch the sensitive nub between thumb and forefinger before giving it a playful tug. White hot static raced down your spine, making your cunt ooze more sticky slick, and you eagerly arched against him with a low sound of wanting. 

“Are you making those pretty noises just for me, love?” 

Groaning deep in the back of your throat, you haltingly pivoted your hips - up, down, up and down - to loosen your passage and coat him in more arousal. When you started to lower yourself again just a brief moment later, the penetration came easier and Hisoka’s cock slipped against your inner walls until you were fully seated on his lap. You tossed your head back, sighing in pleasure, and he took that opportunity to approvingly squeeze your breast in a tight grip. 

“Look at you.” He breathed. “So lovely when you’re enjoying yourself on my cock like this.” 

“Hisoka …” You whimpered and rocked against him, the gentle slosh of the water echoing in your ears. 

“Tell me how it feels. Tell me just how much you love being stretched and filled up.”

Screwing your eyes shut, you leaned into the sturdy muscle mass underneath you and linked your arms around his neck. “I love it … you always feel so good when you’re inside me. I can feel every bump and vein. Every time you even twitch it drives me wild. It’s like your cock was made specifically to fit me.”

Hisoka chuckled and nuzzled into your hair. “Maybe it was.”

You rolled your eyes at that, safely out of his line of sight with your chin docked over his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind your lack of response though and when you pushed up so that he drug against your clinging cunt until just the head remained wedged inside your body, he issued a pleased groan. You sunk down again in shuddering slow motion, acutely aware of every inch of him that entered you. It was thick and heavy, pushing up on that dense cluster of nerves just right to make your breath come a little harder. A little faster. Nails sinking into his skin, you started bouncing on his cock at a subdued pace while trying to be mindful of the water level but it quickly became apparent that this wasn’t going to be enough to satisfy you. 

It was hard and fast that you needed to get off and you knew the same applied to him. The two of you had gone through the motions with each other enough times in the past to recognize what would make the cut and what wouldn’t. This slow, gentle tempo was decidedly not it and you hissed in frustration as you started bouncing with more enthusiasm. Just as you’d expected, the water churned around your heaving body and it didn’t take long at all for you to catch the sound of it splashing over the edge to hit the floor below. The thought of getting billed for any incurring cleanup costs flitted through your mind, and you were sure it wouldn’t be cheap in a place like Heaven’s Arena, but then Hisoka was working a hickey into the side of your neck and you promptly forgot all about it. 

“Oooh … shit …!” 

Slyly humming his agreement, he threaded fingers through your hair and pulled it aside, nails catching your scalp in the process. You hissed at the lingering pain and obediently tilted your head, exposing the vulnerable line of your throat to him. Hisoka’s mouth immediately descended upon the pounding pulse point laid bare to him, sucking and nipping at the spot until it was minutely throbbing in time with your heartbeat. Another juvenile hickey for you to hide in the coming days, you were sure, but it was hard to be annoyed with him for that when his cock felt like it was tickling your cervix on every downward thrust. The sheer force at which you were driving down onto him seemed to punch the oxygen right out of your lungs, making you suck in one ragged gulp of air after another. You tried to pace yourself over the next few minutes but it quickly became too much and you finally had no choice but to slow to a stop and try to find your bearings again. 

Having him sitting hot and heavy inside you was too much to ignore though and you weakly ground down on him with twitching hips. Hisoka’s response was to moan right into your ear in an undulating, rising pitch that went straight to your cunt. It fluttered and clamped down around him, a warning tremor rippling through your body, and you wheezed. 

It still wasn’t enough. 

“Hisoka …” You mewled, pressing your face into his shoulder. “I don’t think this is going to work.”

He issued a thoughtful sound and pressed a deceptively chaste kiss to the mark he’d worked into your neck. “How unfortunate. Though I might be persuaded to help if you say the magic words ...” 

Knowing it wasn’t ‘please’ he wanted to hear, you scoffed. He could be such a spoiled brat sometimes. “Fine. Happy birthday. I hope you enjoy many more.” 

The way he laughed made his cock twitch inside your pussy and you jerked, starting to pant more vigorously. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it? Although it didn’t exactly sound convincing coming out of your mouth, I suppose I’m willing to accept it.” 

You were about to tell him to shove it when Hisoka abruptly brought both arms around your back and pinned you flush to the front of him. It made your breasts squish against the firm expanse of his chest, the electrifying jolt of friction to your nipples sending fresh waves of pleasure shooting down your back. Sucking in a faltering inhale, you allowed your head to loll to the side where it was pressed up on his shoulder and you clutched at him all the more fervently, bracing for what would come next.

Even when you were expecting it, Hisoka managed to catch you off guard when he flexed up off the bottom of the tub and drove into you with enough force to have you shrieking in delight. Your whole body shook against his and you instinctively tried to push away with your knees, attempting to escape the blinding pressure he was exerting on your pulsing cunt. His hold on you was as good as iron though and you couldn’t find a reprieve, helplessly ragdolling in his arms as he started up a brutal pace that had water violently sloshing out over the sides of the tub. You probably would have been horrified by how much of the floor was soaked if you’d had the wherewithal to care about that sort of thing while you were getting your brains mercilessly fucked out but you were too far gone to give it more than a passing thought.

“Hii - Hiso - ka!” 

The thin chuckle that filtered over you was enough to make you claw at his shoulders, his back. Any part of him you could reach. You barely had enough time to draw a single, ragged breath before he was slamming back home and knocking you senseless again, your guts quaking under the intensity of his thrusts. The pressure inside you swelled almost nauseatingly fast, indescribably better than your own attempt at getting off which seemed pitiful in comparison to this. Hisoka was a force to be reckoned with in and out of the ring, and the strength in his slim build was never more apparent than when he was pounding into your cunt hard enough to make it throb. 

Uncontrollably shaking, you blindly dropped your hands from his scratched up back in favor of holding on to the edge of the tub in a white knuckled grip. You tried to use it as leverage to push your body upward and lessen the intensity of his hips driving into you, but it was useless. Hisoka merely tightened his arms around your back and forcibly yanked you down to meet the punishing thrusts tit for tat. You wailed, unable to do anything except sit there and take it while the rapidly mounting tension in your loins continued to build higher and higher, leaving you swaying dazedly in his grasp. 

“Ooh! God!”

“Is this what you needed, darling? A nice hard fuck to get you off? Hm?” 

Hisoka, unsurprisingly, didn’t have the grace to sound so much as a little out of breath and you wanted to hate him for that even as you threw your head back, eyes rolling in your skull. The reverberating clap of skin on skin was practically deafening and the sticky wet squelch of your pussy sloppily sucking him in deep on every jolting thrust only added to the lewd cacophony filling the space of the bathroom. It was overwhelming in the best possible way, indescribably more satisfying than anything else you’d experienced before, and you twisted in his arms like something wild. Something possessed. 

“I can feel that pretty little pussy of yours squeezing me like a vice grip.” Hisoka groaned, sultry and unbearably heavy. “Are you about to cum for me?”

You sucked in a sharp breath, held it, and the coil snapped. Every inch of your body rattled as if you’d been electrocuted, the full brunt of orgasm slamming into you like a sack of bricks. You went ramrod stiff against him and screamed out your pleasure as he fucked you right through it, the pace of his thrusts not faltering for so much as a second. Hisoka enthusiastically moaned underneath you each time your palpitating cunt squeezed down around him, sounding like some wanton whore, but you were no better yourself. The two of you made quite the pair.

Your throat was raw and scratchy by the time you finally started to come down some moments later one convulsing tremor at a time. It was only when you began whimpering in high strung, oversensitized distress that he slowed down, though he didn’t stop altogether. Hisoka’s cock was sliding easily in and out of your thrumming cunt now and you could feel what a churning mess he’d made of you with every taunting push of his hips, the goopy consistency making embarrassingly loud sucking noises. Seething, you put shaking hands on his chest and pushed back to look at him imploringly.

“Hisokaaa …” You mewled, breath hitching when he brushed against the dense cluster of pulsating nerves from a different angle in this position. 

“Don’t tell me you’re ready to tap out already.” He purred and hungrily licked his lips. “That was only round one and it is my birthday, you know. That means you have to keep going until I’m satisfied.” 

You issued a frazzled groan into the statically charged air, deciding once and for all that this man was going to be the death of you. The fleeting thought that you’d die happy, at least, didn’t serve as much of a comfort.

[yurimultiship]

DunMeshi f/f shipping

I previously made a post about Falin/Marcille but Dungeon Meshi is great for f/f shipping in general! Let's give a look to some other characters and ships!

Namari was a member of our protagonist's adventuring party, who left the group after their big failure at the beginning of the story. But when they meet again and our protagonists are in trouble, it's clear Namari cares a lot for them and she ends up helping them. Her relationship with Marcille is complicated, given their very different personalities. They're a great pair if you enjoy dwarf/elf romances, bickering and opposites attract tropes.

Namari’s new party involves Kiki, an orphan with a twin brother who were both adopted by gnomes. Kiki has an easy-going and mellow personality. We don’t get that much content about her but there’s still some neat shippy material related to Namari. Plus, they both have great character designs and what we see of their personalities seem like it could mesh well together. They also both have complicated family backstories.

Little is known of Namari’s relationship to Falin, outside of the fact they’ve been in the same adventuring party for a few years, but that shouldn’t stop people from having fun in trying to tackle it as a ship, I think it could be interesting.

The Ninja Crew

A group of warriors retainers that followed their lord in the dungeon, in order to help him. Maizuru is the oldest, a powerful magic user that was in charge of training the other ones. She’s quite overbearing in her care for her master but can also be cold and calculating, being an experienced ninja. Those who like f/f involving older women may enjoy her character! Hien and Benichidori are quite close to each other, though they don’t appear much in the main story so the informations around them are limited.

Izutsumi is the member of this group we get to see the most, since she ends up being involved with the main characters. First by attacking Marcille and threatening to kill her if she doesn’t remove a spell put on her. A great start for shipping, in my personal opinion! Their relationship will evolve to that of teammates and a good amount of Izutsumi’s character development is connected to her relationship with Marcille.

She also shares some nice flashbacks moment with (Inu)Tade, an optimistic and good-hearted ogre, basically Izutsumi’s opposite in personality, but someone who still enjoys hanging out with her and wants the best for her. Tade’s the one of the group Izutsumi got along with the best, though there was also an opportunistic aspect to that, as Tade’s kindness was something easy to take advantage off. Digging into their shared past or possible futures would be very interesting.

The Canaries

The elves from the West have a special force tasked with taking care of dangerous dungeons. It is composed of guards from noble houses and prisoners working to pay for their crimes. They’re an antagonistic group to the heroes, though they have their own complicated morals and reasons to act that way. 4 of the members of the main Canary party that we encounter are women.

Pattadol is a guard who’s new at the job, quite naive and stuck-up, a stickler to the rules and the importance of social classes. Because of that, she gets on the nerves of the prisoners, like Fleki the drug addict with a sharp tongue, who’ll talk back and mock her, or Cithis the shrewd illusionist, who consider the idea of killing her. They have obviously quite messed-up relationships, ideal for some dark and twisted takes. Especially given Cithis’ illusionary powers, which have some mind-control element to them, and she clearly enjoys using them.

And there’s also Otta, who has a rather butch look for an elf and is revealed in the Dungeon Meshi Guidebook to be into women! Specifically, she has a thing for those from the short-lived half-foot race, who have an average lifespan of fifty years. Which some of her comrades are baffled by.

Another important female elf and former Canary is Milthril. A gloomy older woman who used to be one of the top forces amongst the Canaries but decided to resign because of her distaste for other elves. On the other hand she is quite... fascinated by the other races.

I may kinda be crackshipping her with Maizuru, because I could see them having an interesting encounter, what with them being two dangerous “mother figures”. Imagine them having to face each other to protect their charges or work together to save them!

That’s it for most of the important female characters. There are some others I could mention but that’d make for an even longer post. I’d be very interested to hear about people’s various f/f ships for the series!

[elenamegan14]

Twisted Wonderland: Headcanons for Dorm Haunted Houses Pt.7 - Pomefiore

MASTERLIST

Part 6 

Warning! A slight spoiler from Twisted Wonderland Ch. 5.

THE ATTRACTION:

This dorm, out of all others, is the most AESTHETIC haunted house anyone had ever seen. 

And of course, they go for the vampire theme, because... DUH. 

It’s a masquerade vampire museum theme.

They all wore elegant haute couture costumes based on Parisian evening wear and masks made out of gold-encrusted embroidery and diamond crystals. EXPENSIVE AF. 

They were also the only dorm to have pre-show photo sessions with the staff and Vil before their haunted house event starts. Days before they opened their haunted house attraction, Vil marketed his team with an exclusive fan autograph and photo signing event to boost the popularity of their dorm’s haunted house. They have tickets for each type of signings, and the Deluxe Golden Ticket allows guests to take a signed picture with Vil and Rook. 

Beside the standard merchandise, Pomefiore created a special photobook centered on the main “vampires” of the dorm. Vil had to interfere when Pomefiore students got into a huge fight over who gets the most highlight in the photobook - the dorm leader already got dibs on the centrefold.  

Yes, it does sell like hotcakes. 

Vil made ten girls faint when he does a little fanservice for them. Like, licking his bloodied lips - exposing his fangs, or blowing a kiss at them during the pre-event signing.

EPEL JUST CRINGED.  

This is the reason why Epel refused to participate as an actor. He’d rather risk his life than to, as he put it: 

“I’m not whoring myself out and I refused to be dolled up like a prostitute.” Epel, PLEASE. 

He had to fight Vil for it, but after one compromise from Rook, Vil relents. He already got a vampire costume for Epel. 

Finding Pomefiore’s haunted house is not that hard (aside from the screaming and giggling fangirls). They just have to follow the search lights from the distance, when they came across a Greco-Roman museum having their premiere night out. 

Plastered on the front of the haunted house is Vil posing elegantly with his fangs out, drinking a drink that resembled blood. For fanservice reasons, Rook had rested his head onto Vil’s lap, the chisel that he showed is stained with clay and blood. The group immediately guessed correctly what their theme is. 

“Vampires, huh?” MC slowly raised a wooden stake and a hammer that they had prepared earlier just for this haunted house. 

Ace won’t lose. He brought out garlic. Jack immediately leaped ten feet away from him - dogs can’t eat garlic too, Ace. 

“GUYS, They’re not real.” Deuce slapped his forehead. 

“Who said that one of them MIGHT not be real?!” Grim fashioned a cross made of sticks, something that his brain cell had thought for the first time in forever. 

Epel just… grabbed a handful of herbs: parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme, “Meemaw said these little things can protect us from evil spirits!”

“Epel, this is a haunted house, not a cooking show. Get your act together.”

In the first act, guests went inside an elegant greco-roman museum where several handsome vampires greeted the guests - it’s the opening night for Rook’s sculpture exhibition. They came across a main gallery of elegant gold, red, purple, black and marbled interior aesthetic. On the side, guests could see that while some food is lavishly decorated, the wines are pungent with dripping red blood…

Sometimes they could see scare actors acting like vampires - either they bite guests sensually fun fact: this dorm had received numerous mail of willing female volunteers as scare actors willing to be bitten by or given a chance to bite these pretty boys or they can also witnessed screaming victims being mauled by a group of vampires behind the curtains. It’s not pretty. 

When guests entered the art section, the paintings changed from something beautiful to grotesque. Just like the changing paintings in Disney’s Haunted Mansion. Grimm is seriously creeped out when a painting of a beautiful woman turned into a monstrous medusa. 

Sometimes ‘vampire’ and ‘painting monster’ actors would jump out from the painting itself, so be careful with paintings that stayed still!

That goes the same with statues too. Scared the living daylights out of MC’s group. 

The last stage of the haunted dorm are the halls of mirrors that lead them to a giant ballroom where Vil sat on the throne made of gold. Preserved corpses of his “pretty” victims were left hanging up on the ceilings. A large decayed painting of Vil is looming behind the throne, constantly changing from young Vil to a decayed corpse. 

Don’t be fooled by the mirrors. If you approach one of the mirrors, a “monster” will come out bursting from it. 

Vil’s vampire costume is “OH NO, HE’S HOT!” personified. Elegant cape, flawless make and those luscious lips with fangs that seemed to invite everybody…

As Azul said, screams of awe (translation: squealing) is also counted. 

Vil beckoned his visitors to come closer. One girl immediately ripped off a piece of her clothing, exposing her shoulders and shouting “Take me! I’m YOURS!” at Vil. 

Oh, Vil does not just stop there. He will pick a “victim” out of these guests or participants, then “bite” them, earning more screams. One of his “victims” fainted from too much excitement and had to be carried out on a stretcher. 

THE MISSION:

According to the lore, this art gallery was once a mausoleum for all of the deceased nobilities. Strangely, the poor gravekeepers that survived their nights there mentioned that their corpses seem to stay ‘fresh’, as if they are alive. 

One day, a very beautiful man who is known as the Museum Director (“That would be our dear, Roi de Poison,” Rook explained proudly before someone dragged him away from spoiling further) had decided to renovate the mausoleum into an art gallery. Many artists and high-class society considered this place as the number one spot for gaining infamy, parties and connections. However, strange things kept happening - people kept disappearing, statues and paintings that seemed to resemble the missing people and some occasionally, young women and pretty men found with their blood drained in the same area as where the art gallery is. 

Their mission is to escape from the mansion and if possible, defeat the heck out of Vil and his minions, ESPECIALLY ROOK. 

For the first phase of the mission, they have to enter a special room in a gallery made for the participants to steal the charm inside a small chest box - the workshop of the sculptor himself. The key is left hanging on Rook’s neck. 

Someone had to distract Rook while others have to steal the key from Rook’s neck without him noticing - OR ELSE HE’LL CHASE YOU. 

This is a mission that requires a lot of teamwork and courage. Why? BECAUSE ROOK IS SCARY AF AND WILL HUNT ANYONE DOWN ONE BY ONE. 

Also, these guys will be hit by paralyzing magic for around fifteen minutes, becoming the statue victims to be placed on the gallery. 

One last survivor of a group of participants is left alone, crying like a baby as Rook prowls amongst the statues. Even Ace notes that’s very cruel, even for Rook. 

“We need someone fast enough to escape and pretty enough for Rook to take notice-” Everybody stared at Epel. That day, Epel swore vengeance on Grimm. 

It’s a good thing that Epel is carrying all those “vampire extermination” kits from the group. As Rook madly laughs and sings, ALL COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD, Epel’s heart rate just increased 100x.

Meanwhile, MC’s group had a lot of hard time getting the key from Rook’s neck- he’s just too fast, damn it!

Deuce finally decided on the oldest trick in the book: he tripped Rook. Then they dogpiled on him. MC managed to grab the key, ran all the way to the chest to unlock it, just as soon as Rook managed to escape from their grasp and ran after MC. 

“Okay! Now might be the good time for you to take that charm and get out of here… quickly, QUICKLY!” Grimm, your panic attack does not help MC one bit. 

MC finally got the charm, hallelujah. They ran out of the room immediately, Rook almost got Ace’s hair. His laugh still rings all across the wall. Epel finally got his vengeance by putting Grimm in a headlock for turning him into bait before MC finally broke them off. 

Once they escaped from the gallery, they entered a lab. This is where the REAL mission began. 

Now the guide told us that Vil had been sucking up youth from beautiful men and women in his castle. So they were told to prepare a ‘poison’. A ‘poison’ for Vil. A ‘poison’ specifically made to weaken Vil. Vil’s ‘poison’. 

Rumor has it that he has a personal painting where the painting of himself ages, and the only way to defeat him is to throw that said potion to that painting. 

To get the charm, they have to “recreate” the Queen’s famous “Peddler’s Disguise” potion by adding each ingredient into the cups that are already prepared. Then they have to present it to Vil. Each student must come in one by one just so the others won’t be spoiled. 

Getting the ingredients is easier than it’s done. In order to “prepare” it, they must unscrew the taps of each ingredient inside a liquid container. 

“I wonder what this one does-” MC unscrews tap - a loud, high-pitched scream blasted right on their face, leaving behind only a shocked MC with their hair standing up. “...well, now, that took ten years of my life.”

Ah, the host also forgot to mention that unscrewing the taps would trigger different scare effects like sudden gas air blown at you, squirted by black ink, high-pitched screams, and crone’s cackles in a sudden manner, so yeah, fuck you, Pomefiore. 

Also, the thunderbolts are real, so you get the tingling sensation on your hands aside from the loud thunderous noise and flash of light. MC felt that at least six students had a heart attack on this part. Deuce mentioned that his life flashes before his eyes. 

Plenty of students had scrambled out of this task. At least they got the potion ready. Now they just need to splash it at Vil’s painting. 

Well, good luck with that. Most girls (or guys) failed this task. Or at least deliberately failed just to get a “bite” from Vil. I mean, have you seen how alluring he is? 

It seems that Vil had also sprayed himself with a perfume that would knock all five senses off anyone. Along with a few aphrodisiac essences. 

It’s not just Vil they have to worry about. All of the participants have been shrieking to near death when the monsters came out bursting from the glass and took them inside. Jack apologized to one scare actor after he instinctively punched one. Well- so does Ace and Epel, but what do they care? 

When they finally reached the throne, they underestimated how incredibly beautiful Vil is. Like, he’s already pretty in everyday life, but now he’s ten thousand times more sexier than they all ever knew - alright, where do all these words come from? Why are they praising this crusty peacock more than they ever did?

Before they knew it, they were already starting to approach Vil unconsciously. He’s charming them with his sweet, sweet words.

Vil seems to be out for MC. First he gave a kiss on the back of their hand before sweeping off their feet in a mock dance. HIS FANS ARE JEALOUS AF. 

But then Deuce noticed that when guests and participants came to Vil like moths to a lightbulb, OH MY GREAT SEVEN, JACK IS CARRYING THE POTION VIAL. VIL IS COAXING HIM. HE’S ABOUT TO DROP THE ENTIRE POTION THAT THEY PAIN-STAKINGLY HAD CREATED-

“Do something!” Epel tried to slap some sense to Jack, shouting at both MC and Grimm.

Ok, think. MC needs an idea. Finally, they got one. You know, MC hates to do it, but it’s the only way to distract Vil. 

“NEIGE LEBLANCHE IS THE FAIREST OF ALL!” MC cupped their hands and shouted through it. 

Well, that did the trick, because Vil seemed to stop in his tracks (if the gasps from onlookers did not count), and did a 180 degree head turn directly at MC. 

“What… DID YOU SAY?” Gone is the suave, flirty vampire king Vil - in his stead is a raging, monstrous man with the fury of a thousand rabid peacocks. Welp, MC’s in trouble now. 

But it did buy Epel at least a few seconds to splash the “painting” with the “poison”, therefore clearing the last stage. 

Once Vil saw they finally did it, he gave out a rave performance of him being vanquished. He disappeared in the smoke. 

They don’t know if they should feel glad or not. His fans however… became murderous.

MC’s group had to run away from a horde of angry Vil fans. It took Rook (and Vil) himself a good five minutes to calm them down. By then, MC’s group had already run away.

Vil’s bites are nothing compared to his vicious piranha-like fans, Deuce noted. 

In the aftermath of Pomefiore’s haunted house, Epel swore vengeance upon Vil himself. If poison won’t kill him, then throwing him off the cliff during a thunderstorm sounded good as well. 

But their feet turned cold and felt all on their faces drained - they just finished Pomefiore. All of the other dorm houses there are just the preparation for an even bigger threat- there is one dorm whose haunted house reportedly to be so horrifying, that during preparation, there are rumors that the prefect had actually summoned REAL monsters to help the dorm to win. 

The dreaded haunted house of IGNIHYDE. 

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 19

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Word Count: 5k

; Warnings: Brief mentions of depression, anxiety

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: A chapter that’s a little bit more fluffier :D thank you for the love and as usual, please send me comments or feedback so I can see you’re enjoying it still! :D We’re almost halfway through!

; Flower Masterpost

-

“Ooh, look at that house.” Hoseok murmurs, almost to himself given how quiet his voice had gone. Pausing from your walk, you turn around and see that he’s stopped a feet away, his camera being held up to his eye as he looks through the viewfinder. There’s a few moments where he shifts around, trying to find the best angle and lighting before you hear the click of the shutter.

He’s not even looking at you as he begins walking again, instead his eyes are focused on the LCD screen on the back of his camera. Leaning against him a little when he finally reaches you, you peer around at what he’d just taken a photo of and smile in amusement.

After all of the bad stuff that had happened recently, you’d found yourself needing to do something to distract yourself. The antidepressants no longer gave you any major side effects and you thought that they were working, though it was probably too early to say yes or no for definite. But you also wanted to thank Hoseok for being so sweet and reliable.

As such, you’d asked Chungha if her family might let you use their beach house for the weekend. It was one of those big, rambling wooden beach houses that always looked so pretty, its yard bumping up against soft white sand and an endless expanse of beautiful blue ocean as far as the eye could see. 

The town it was in was equally picturesque, one of those places that looks like it’s been transplanted from some old European place with plenty of old style charm and warmth. Chungha’s house had apparently been in her family for generations; some long ago ancestor had built it themselves when they’d arrived and since then, her family had moved on and it had become more of a holiday home.

You’d been there once during college when Chungha had invited Soyeon and you for spring break. It had been a great time and you’d just known that Hoseok would love it all, particularly for his photography.

So you’d told him to make sure he wasn’t doing anything this weekend and to bring his camera before driving out here. He’d been excited enough to know that you were both spending a weekend at the beach, apparently he loved the ocean, but when he actually saw the town as you were driving through and then the house he’d been thoroughly charmed by it all.

That had been yesterday, the both of you getting to see the town just as the sun was setting in the winter hours and so today, Saturday, was the first time you were getting to show him it all properly. The house he’d just taken a picture of was on one of the little side streets and it looked adorably quaint, its wooden front painted a delicate shell white with baby pink window frames and a soft yellow door.

Flower boxes full of what must be winter blooming flowers and plants were hung from the windows while planters of small, ornate bushes framed the door. The awnings along the roof were also wood but had been intricately carved, giving it the impression of some kind of fairytale house.

The photos that Hoseok had taken looked pretty enough, but you knew that he’d do some magical editing later and they’d look beautiful. You could already see how the contrasting colours would look perfect against the greenery surrounding the building and you couldn’t help the smile that spread over your face as Hoseok made little noises as he walked.

He did that a lot when he was happy, and you didn’t know if he knew he did it. You weren’t going to tell him though, because you didn’t want him to get embarrassed about it and stop doing them. It made you happy to hear his vocalisation of his own emotions, and you needed some happiness lately.

Wrapping your arm around his, you pressed against him until he veered slightly off course. Looking up, he checks that he’s not about to walk off the road before looking down at you with a grin, letting his camera drop to hang by the strap around his neck and withdrawing his arm from your grasp before placing it around your waist contentedly. 

“This place is great, my photos are gonna look awesome.” He commented, his tone already distracted as he spotted something new in the distance that had attracted his attention. Smiling, you simply lay your head against his shoulder and just…enjoy his presence. You’d been well aware of his love for photography and had watched over the last few months as he’d done some casual stuff around the place you lived in alongside taking your photos for your Instagram.

But this was the first time you were truly seeing the raw passion he had for it. The way his eyes lit up when he got a good shot or how bright his smile became when he saw something that he knew would look perfect on camera.

“Why didn’t you do photography professionally? Your photos are great and you obviously love it, you’ve got a good eye.” You ask, looking up at him as he evidently decides that he’s not going to take another photo.

For a few seconds, he doesn’t respond but you can tell by the way he purses his lips slightly and his dimples come to life that he’s thinking about the answer for you. Eventually, thought he just shrugs.

“Because I was young and dumb? I liked photography when I was a teenager but it was never my number one thing. And then I went to college and finally learnt to handle my emotions better. By that point…I just wanted something stable in my life. As much as I love photography, I know that it’s not really a hugely stable job and I might never make it. I wasn’t ready to risk myself when I’d finally gotten my life on track again.” He sounds a little bit wistful but it vanishes as he shrugs lightly.

“It’s fine, I love my job now and I love computers. I get to enjoy photography as a hobby, which is all I want to be honest. I’d be worried that if I turned my hobby into my job then I wouldn’t love it anymore, you know?” Nodding, you hum gently as you ponder on his question intently.

Hoseok is only two years older than you, and sometimes it feels like he’s got his whole life sorted out already. Like he’s a real adult and you’re just a pretend adult. The thought makes you laugh to yourself, shaking your head as Hoseok gives you a querying look.

He’d probably think the same thing if you told him. What was being an adult anyway? You still called your dad for the simplest of things after all.

Smiling to yourself, you huddle further into Hoseok’s warmth and take the opportunity to simply chat lightly with him. Next weekend, you would be going to his parents for the first time. And if he’d been nervous to meet your parents, then you were terrified to meet his.

Hoseok’s family was pretty well off compared to yours and he’d never really wanted for anything. The fact that they’d lost a daughter made that all seem pointless in comparison really, but it made you feel a little sick thinking about it. You were dating their only child now, the only child they had left out of what had been two.

He’d never said anything but nice things about them but you knew that parents were always god in their children’s eyes. Especially if they had no negative emotions or feelings towards them. And Hoseok adored his mom, you knew that. But that just made it all the more worse.

You’d read more than enough subreddits to have realised that there was a special category of mom and that was the moms of sons. Some seemed to be fine, but some seemed to act like a girlfriend was taking their place in their son’s life. There were plenty of horrifying stories out there of women treating their sons girlfriend or wife horrifically bad and the son being unable to see it because of how much he loved her.

While you doubted Hoseok’s mom was like that, and for that you didn’t really think Hoseok would react happily if his parents were mean, it was still a worry. You’d never met a guy’s parents before. So that was all rushing through your mind as well. Yet another reason you’d opted to spend this weekend just enjoying each other’s company.

Taking a breath, you let you a small ‘ooh’ as you realised that you smell something delicious. Looking to the side, your eyes widen as you see a café with its door swinging shut, sending a waft of delightful smells your way. The delicious looking array of baked goods and sweets in the shop front make it even more enticing and you purse your lips as your mouth waters.

Pausing, you let go of him to step closer, focusing intently on a delicious red velvet cake that was topped with decadent buttercream frosting. You don’t even realise you’re making a face at the cake until you hear Hoseok’s chuckle and the sound of a shutter once more.

Looking at him with wide eyes, you sigh affectionately as you see him pulling his camera down with a grin. Turning it around he shows you see the image that he’d just taken and you smile at how he’d focused on your face, the background soft and pretty as you stared intently into the café front.

You always hated having your photograph taken, until Jung Hoseok had started taking them. As long as he was the one behind the camera, you knew that he wouldn’t make you look ugly or anything.

“Do you want one?” He asks, gesturing to the display. Humming lightly, you chew on your lip before nodding with a smile. This was a weekend of doing stuff to make you happy, which obviously meant that you had to treat yourself.

The answering grin on Hoseok’s face tells you that he probably knows that, but he doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he gestures for you to go inside the dual café and shop. It’s nice and warm inside, making you realise just how brisk and chilly it had been outside and you unwrap your scarf from around your neck.

“Go sit down, I’ll get your stuff.” Hoseok says, leaning forward and kissing your forehead quickly before handing you his camera and backpack. You take both from him without complaint, wanting to tell him that you’ll pay but you know there’s no way he’s letting that happen right now.

You’d learnt to pick your fights with Hoseok, or arguments rather. Particularly as you hated arguing and all of that so you tried your hardest to not argue at all. And this wasn’t something worth the time or effort.

The café isn’t that busy so you make sure to grab a table a little further inside. It’s only knee high but the dark red couch that accompanies it looks far too comfy to give up, particularly given the abundance of soft, multi-patterned cushions. 

Carefully placing Hoseok’s camera on the table and his backpack on the floor, you add your own bag before sinking down into the blissfully squishy couch. The cushions practically envelop you and you can’t help but smile as you almost fall backwards, resting against the equally soft back.

Yeah, this was a good spot. And it let you people watch in the whole café along with a perfect view of the street outside.

Hoseok came over with a tray in his hands and you take a moment to peruse him, enjoying the little triangle his lips have turned into as he concentrates on not dropping anything. It makes him look adorably cute, which is at complete odds with the rest of his look. 

His one concession to being in this pretty town today had been that he was wearing a white shirt, just a hint of the outline of his tattoo whenever he moved a certain way. But that was it though. Otherwise, he definitely didn’t look like he belonged in this place.

Grey distressed jeans with holes ripped into the knees met his new pair of black Dr Martens, a present he’d bought himself after a particularly hard week. An equally dark leather jacket was slung casually over his shoulders, the silver points on it highlighted by the silver necklaces he wore and the new hoops in his ears and the ring in his lip.

As usual, he looked incredibly handsome and the perfect picture of grunge and rock. But he really didn’t fit this overly…dainty town and you almost wanted to laugh at how out of place his fashion was, even in this café. He must be used to it by now, particularly given he was dating you but it still amused you anyway.

“What are you laughing at?” Eyes widening, you realise that you must’ve been smiling or something at him because he had a decidedly amused look on his face as he places the tray on the table. A big slice of red velvet cake is placed in front of you alongside a fork while he puts a fancy looking sandwich down in front of himself before sitting.

He’s got you a tall glass of water, flavoured with some real strawberries that makes you ‘ooh’ in delight while he takes a sip of whatever tea he’d bought. Peering over at his plate, you give him a raised brow and he smiles.

“Pastrami, Swiss cheese, mayo, tomato and lettuce.” He grins and you make another noise, watching intently as he takes a bite. A spot of mayo stays on the corner of his lips and you reach over, wiping it away with one of the paper napkins he’d brought too.

“Good?” You ask, curious as you eye the thickly stacked sandwich questioningly. Pausing, Hoseok looks at you before nodding and making a sigh so quiet that you almost didn’t hear it. But then he offers it to you, gesturing for you to take a bite and you grin happily.

The flavours burst in your mouth, combining together beautifully and you let out the tiniest moan of contentment at just how delicious they all are. You’re surprised Hoseok doesn’t mind the mayonnaise given he’s not a fan of it, but you suppose it’s just like people liking tuna mayo and not mayonnaise.

The next fifteen minutes are spent with the both of you slowly eating the sandwich, one bite at a time and you can’t help but hum happily with how…content you feel with everything right now. It’s a very bizarre concept to you and you’re sure it’s the antidepressants, working properly like they’re supposed to.

Maybe it’s just a placebo effect, but you can’t find it in yourself to care.

“God this place is so nice.” Hoseok sighs once he’s finished, slumping on the couch and resting his hands over his stomach. You poke it gently and giggle as he overly exaggerates a pout before reaching forward for the plate of cake. Take a large section, you eat it slowly and make an appreciative noise before glancing back at your boyfriend.

“This is so good, holy shit.” You whisper, eyes widening as he laughs loudly at your reaction. His mouth is engaged pretty quickly though as you feed him a piece of the cake, watching as he contemplates for a second before nodding agreement with you.

Wriggling in your seat, you continue to eat the cake with sole minded focus while Hoseok just watches you for a moment. That is, until he reaches for his camera, popping the lens off and changing it for you knew was better for closer shots. Sure enough, just like you’d suspected, he lifts the camera up and raises a brow at you, asking the question silently.

With a mouth full of cake, you don’t answer verbally but instead nod a little shyly as you swallow as quickly as possible. It just makes him snort though, lifting the camera to his face and angling it exactly how he wanted. You’re not entirely sure what he wants you to do but you can’t help but look down at the plate, fork cutting into the soft cake as you try not to feel too embarrassed about him photographing you in a place where other people are probably looking.

Outside it felt fine, but it felt very personal in here with the dimmer lighting and such. 

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Hoseok says, his voice soft as he checks over the image and you feel so many emotions at once that you’re not sure what you’re actually feeling. Embarrassed? Pleased? Shy? Happy? He’s the only man who’s ever called you beautiful outside of your dad.

So you deflect it with sarcasm, because that’s how you dealt with things that made you feel shy. A terrible coping mechanism, you know, but it has got you through life so far.

“Has that sandwich turned you sappy? Or was it the cake?” From the way Hoseok’s lips twist, you can tell that he wants to laugh but instead he just continues to flick through the photos he’s taken over the day. It’s one of the things you like best about him, that he never lets your awkwardness interrupt.

“Can I take one of us?” He asks, his voice gentle as he poses the question to you. You loved that about him, that he’d learnt to always ask if he could take a photograph of you both together. Nodding, you lean into his body and smile at the camera as he holds it out in front of you both. There’s a moment of nothing before he clicks the button a few times.

Placing the now empty plate down, you lean back on the couch and let out a deep sigh, belly full and your mind happy. There would have been a time when you’d have been ashamed of your body after eating, not wanting Hoseok to see anything that he might find ugly. But you’d learnt by now that he wasn’t like that, and he didn’t even notice that kind of stuff.

So you let yourself just relax fully against the cushions, moving your hand to rest on his thigh and simply enjoying the contact while he looks at the selfies. He shows them to you and you can’t help but feel a flutter in your stomach at how happy you both look, your eyes bright with sweet smiles on both your faces. You’d also discovered that you liked having your photo taken with him.

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence after that, the sounds taken up instead by the gentle music flowing through the speakers, the quiet chatter of other customers and the clinking of cutlery on plates. It all feels very…domestic and you have one of those moments where you realise how strange this all is for you.

If you’d been told a year ago that you’d be sat here, on a weekend break to a little beach town with your boyfriend of nine months after suffering a breakdown and finally reaching out for help, you’d have laughed in their face. Being on antidepressants might have been believable sure, but a boyfriend? That’s been with you for nine months?

No, you would’ve never believed that.

And yet here he was, in all his outrageously attractive glory with his calm and reassuring presence. For you. Because of you. 

Hoseok smiles at something on his camera and you can’t help the smile in response, a bubble of emotion rising inside you as you watch the way his eyes almost glitter, the skin beneath them swelling in that way they do when he’s happy and the shape of his eyes becoming those sweet little half moons that he always got when he was feeling particularly joyful. It was a mix of happiness, fondness and something else, something much deeper.

“You have such pretty eyes.” You whisper without meaning to, practically purring with delight as those eyes get even smaller as his cheeks rise from the size of the grin he’s sporting. There’s just a hint of pink on them now and you coo at him, carefully taking his camera and putting it into the shooting mode.

Lifting it up to your eye, you wonder if the camera will ever be able to get across just how much you care for this man. Just how much you adore him and will treasure him for as long as you are able to have him. You’re not sure, but you want to try at least.

His face comes into focus in the tiny viewfinder and you watch in enjoyment as he gets a slightly bashful look on his face, your compliment evidently still being consumed. But you don’t let him off that easy and instead decide to lay it on a little thicker.

“Such pretty eyes and a beautiful nose. You’re so handsome, I swear. It’s not fair. Even your smile is like a heart!” The pink starts to stain deeper, his ears slowly turning too while he bites at his lip, the silver ring catching the light perfectly and you snap away happily.

He lets you take photos with the camera until finally he reaches out, gesturing for it. You give it back to him happily, content that he went along with you long enough that you got some pretty pictures of him. Leaning back against his arm, you rest your head on his shoulder and watch as he flicks through the pictures.

“I want those pictures. Just so you know.” You state, letting him know that he’s going to have to edit them for you and he can’t just delete them. He doesn’t argue back, just nodding before pressing a kiss to your forehead affectionately.

-

The sea here during summer is a beautiful blue that shimmers like a jewel, but at the moment it’s duller. A coldness rolls in from afar, the waves harsher with the oncoming winter and you shiver inside your coat, wrapping your arms around your waist.

After leaving the café, Hoseok and you had walked around the town some more. He’d taken a few more pictures of things he thought were interesting before you’d asked if you could take some photographs too. That has resulted in him giving you a quick tutorial in how to use his camera in depth. You had a brief experience with it obviously, but actually doing anything more than just simply clicking wasn’t something you had experience with.

It had been fun though. Not only had you enjoyed taking the photos themselves, along with the process of trying to decide what would make a good shot, but you’d enjoyed interacting with Hoseok about something he was passionate about. You felt like he’d done a lot of the heavy lifting in your relationship so far, and you wanted to try and show more of an interest in what made him happy.

And he seemed to quite enjoy teaching you different shooting techniques. It wasn’t ever going to be your thing, but you’d decided that you would be more than happy to go along with him whenever he got the creative urge.

Now though, you were both walking along the beach back to the house. It perhaps wasn’t as nice of a walk as it could have been given the chilly temperatures, but it gave you the perfect opportunity to get closer to Hoseok.

Leaning into him as you both trudge against the shifting sand beneath your feet, you can’t help but smile as the wind blows the familiar smell of Hoseok to you. You’d always thought that he smelled good and the thought runs through your mind even now, thankful that he was someone who actually took care of himself.

There had been far too many guys in college who had thought that hygiene was just a word they couldn’t spell properly.

Neither of you says anything, too happy and content in the familiar silence between you both and you’re thankful for that too. It had always been hard to find people with whom silence was just a comfortable experience and not an anxiety inducing event where you mentally scrambled for a topic to talk about.

With Hoseok though, you didn’t feel that need to talk and he didn’t bother with any small talk either. Instead, you both just enjoyed the world around you and the simple company of each other.

You don’t notice that he’s fallen behind you once more, too concentrated on not falling over in the sand as you spy the house in the distance. It’s only when you go to reach out for his hand, hoping to curl your fingers together inside the pocket of his coat and find nothing but air that you realise.

Turning around, a particularly harsh and severe wind cuts through you, causing you to wrap your arms around yourself even tighter as you shiver while you stagger slightly from the force. Looking back at Hoseok with wide eyes, you can’t help but laugh when you see how red his cheeks have gone from the windchill. His camera is being slowly lowered and you can see that even his fingers are red too.

Reaching up, you cup his cheeks and coo gently at how cold they feel against your hands, thumbs stroking the slight stubble growing from his lack of shaving this morning. Grinning, you eye his nose in amusement, the elegant tip now pink from the cold sea breeze.

Pushing up onto your tiptoes, you press your lips to said nose affectionately. It’s gentle and quick, but you bite your lip as you see the happy look in his brown eyes.

“Cold nose.” You tease him lightly, moving one hand to press the tip of your forefinger against it. He lets you for a few seconds before moving his head just enough to allow him to kiss your finger instead, his gaze warm against the chilly conditions.

“I love you.” Hoseok says it so casually that you don’t even really register what he’s just said at first. Instead, you’re still just smiling at him with a look of pure girlish happiness on your face from how sweet he looks and the adorable reaction he’d had to your kiss.

And then it does. Those syllables become words in your head and those words gain meaning, causing you to jolt back from him slightly as you comprehend them. 

Your eyes must be astonishingly wide right now, your jaw dropped open at some point and in the back of your mind, you note how cold your teeth feel against the wind. But that’s not what you can focus on.

Hoseok loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he’s told you this.

No one had ever told you that they loved you outside of friends and family. A swirl of emotions forms a vortex in your stomach and you’re not sure whether you want to cry, shout, dance for joy or throw up. It wasn’t really a big deal, people said it to each other all the time, right?

“I don’t expect you to say it, and I’ve held back until I felt you might be able to accept it a little better. But I really do. And I hope me telling you can make you as happy as I feel telling you.” Now he’s cupping your face, the palms of his hands so hot against your cheeks.

And he’s smiling, lips spreading and his white teeth showing as the gesture gets wider and bigger with dual amusement and happiness. For a few seconds, you simply gawp at him, unable to form words before you look away, shyness you haven’t felt in months with him rising to the fore.

“Even after…everything?” You don’t need anyone to pull apart what you’ve just said as you understand it better than anyone. After the breakdown and crippling depression, the side effects of the antidepressants, the long time it’s taken for him to get anywhere with you in terms of a relationship. You were happy with how everything had gone with him, but you knew that there would be many men who would be frustrated.

“Yep. And I don’t want to make a big thing out of this, okay? It’s just how I feel. I don’t want to overwhelm you or have expectations on you. The sun is hot, space is big, this wind is really cold and I love you. That’s all. Now, I think maybe we should head back to the house, call for takeout and then spend the rest of the night cuddled up. Sounds good?” Just like he’d said, he doesn’t ponder on what he’d said.

And you understand him instinctively, because you would be the same way. He evidently doesn’t want to analyse his words, maybe because he just doesn’t want to or maybe because he didn’t want to make you overthink.

But you can’t deny the fizzing happiness that zaps through your veins as you smile at him brightly, the emotion beating out everything else you’re feeling to be the most prominent. He loves you.

“Netflix and chill?” You ask, your voice a tiny bit hoarse and a little shy, but Hoseok takes your words with a grin of relief as he nods.

Tangling your fingers together, he begins to walk back down the beach while you keep pace beside him. “Thought you’d never ask.”

[tuiccim]

Enara (Part 1)

Pairing: Loki X Reader

Words: 1413

Warnings: Fluff, meet cute, flirt, innuendo

Summary: Queen Frigga’s new student of magic is given a challenge to prove her mettle. 

Enara Series Masterlist

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"Your name." Queen Frigga looks down at the new would-be pupil of magic. 

"Enara, daughter of Kleng, My Queen." You say with all the confidence you can muster.

"Kleng." The queen says with the raise of any eyebrow. "A great warrior. Does that mean you are the daughter of Magna?"

"Yes, My Queen." 

"Magna has not practiced the arts for many years. Did she teach you anything?" Queen Frigga asks.

“A little, your majesty. She has not truly practiced since taking the mantle of wife.” You say formally.

“Yes,” the queen is eyeing you strangely. You are unsure what to make of it when she continues. “Magna. Meaning great. She had all the potential of greatness, but chose to leave it. Will you do the same? This is a challenging path.”

“No, my queen. I welcome the challenge and the opportunity to learn the art of magic.” You meet the queen’s eyes directly and again notice the curious look in her eyes. 

“Then you will not mind a test of your wherewithal.” The queen challenges. 

You are a bit taken aback but manage to keep your face expressionless. “Happily, my queen.”

“Good.” The queen turns away, whispers to her lady in waiting, and exits. 

The lady steps forward and simply says, “Come.” You follow her through the halls until she comes to a stop near the living quarters of the family. “Queen Frigga has tasked you with being the chatelaine of the prince. You will take lessons in the mornings and see to his needs the rest of the day. If you can maintain your duties, you may continue to learn.” She says this as she pins a small emblem to you. Golden horns curled around an emerald. The symbol of Loki’s house. 

“Is this a challenge of all pupils?” You ask. 

The lady’s face takes on a smirk. “No, but the queen wishes to know you have more mettle than your mother.”

“I see.” You reply. 

“I doubt that but good luck to you anyway.” The lady turns to see a man approaching. “Ah, Kron, the new chatelaine.” She turns and leaves with nothing more said. 

“Name?” Kron asks as he stares down at you. 

“Enara Klengsdottir.” You say. 

“Very well. Follow me.” Kron takes you through your duties which seem to be little more than fetching and carrying food and drink, straightening the prince’s room, and ensuring the other servants do their tasks. Nothing overly burdensome. 

Prince Loki's room seems rarely disturbed as if he spends little time there. You, in fact, do not see him for the first three days of your work. It was as you were bringing in fresh fruit for his table that you saw the prince for the first time outside of royal gatherings your family had attended. Upon seeing the prince, you curtsy simply and continue with your task. Although, you feel your nerves increase slightly at his presence. His eyes follow as you move around the room and when you turn to leave you hear the prince’s voice. 

“What’s your name?”

“Enara, daughter of Kleng.”

"An aristocrat? How intriguing." The prince smirks at you. "And what sin did you commit to be relegated to chatelaine?"

"The sin of being a daughter, my prince." You knew Prince Loki had a way with words. He can twist and confuse anyone in moments. After all, he is the god of mischief and lies.

"What an interesting answer." The prince takes languid steps toward you. You meet his stare unwaveringly but make no move to elaborate. "The daughter of Kleng. I must admit I knew he had many strapping sons but a daughter I knew nothing of. And what a lovely thing you are."

You remain stoic though he is circling you like predator stalking prey. "I am not a thing, my prince."

"No offense." He smiles winningly at you. "Simply an observation." 

"An unnecessary one, your highness. I must return to my duties." You turn to leave but he blocks your path. A cat with a mouse. He's enjoying playing with a new toy.

"I look forward to seeing you again, Lady Enara." The prince grins before giving way for your exit.

After that, the prince seemed to be in his rooms much more. Always watching and asking questions. They seemed innocuous enough but he was trying to figure you out. You remained as stoic as possible with the prince but he was rather charming and at times you found yourself suppressing a laugh at his conversations. 

You had been acting as chatelaine for a few weeks and advancing well at your lessons, when you walked into Prince Loki's room to find a young woman there.

"What are you doing in the prince's private chambers?" You question.

"Prince Loki asked me to wait here for him." She replied.

"Why?" You question.

"I don't know. He just told me to wait in here. Who are you?" She asks with wide eyes.

"I am the prince's chatelaine." You say.

"Lady Enara?" The woman queries.

"Yes. What's your name?" You eye her suspiciously.

"I'm Rana. Prince Loki said you were very beautiful." She says. "He's so handsome. Don't you think?"

"I believe he thinks so. Being a prince would add an allurement for many young women." You kept your face impassive as you gauged Rana. Something was off. 

"You don't find the prince handsome?"

"Prince Thor is quite pleasing to the eye." 

"That oaf? I find Prince Loki much more attractive."

It was exactly what you needed to hear. Reaching your arms up quickly into the air, you cross them, and then forcefully pull them apart causing the glamour Loki is wearing to disintegrate. 

"Clever little witch, aren't you?" The prince smirks at you. 

"You gave yourself away, calling Prince Thor an oaf. You should be more careful." You smirk back at him. 

"How do you know how to do that?" He asks. 

"I am a student of the arts. That is where I spend my mornings. Not that you didn't know that." You eye him and he doesn't deny it. 

Loki approaches you and stops when he is less than a foot from you. "You are a fascinating study."

"You are studying me, my prince?" 

Loki quirks a smile at you and leaves. 

He confuses you. Which, you suppose, is his goal. 

The next day the prince left for Midgard and was almost gleeful to be going. However, when he returned only a few hours later he seemed annoyed and immediately went to his chamber. You go to bring him some afternoon refreshments when you hear the commotion in his room. It sounds like he is smashing anything he can find. You knock but receive no answer. Pushing the door open you see the prince hurl a decanter at you. You quickly sidestep it. Holding the tray in one hand you use your magic to put the glass back together. You carry it to the prince and say "You missed. Care to try again?"

"What are you doing in here?" Loki glares at you.

You set the decanter and tray with refreshments down. "I brought you some refreshment. Though it seems I may have just brought you fresh weaponry."

Loki raises an eyebrow at you. 

"What is the matter, my prince?"

"Midgard didn't provide the pleasant diversion I had hoped."

"What diversion does Midgard offer you that cannot be found on Asgard?"

"A friend." Loki says.

"You have friends on Asgard, my prince."

"She is special. But, for her sake, I have to stay away for awhile."

"I'm sorry, my prince. You are a good friend to put her needs first."

Loki chuckles ruefully, "Not something that would often be said about me."

"I'm sorry, my prince."

The prince looks you up and down. It makes you uncomfortable. He hasn't really done that since your first meeting. You feel more than see a change come over the prince and quickly say, "I should return to my duties."

"Aren't I one of your duties? You could provide me with just the distraction I need." He reaches up to touch your face with the back of his hand. 

Calmly you take a step back. "I am your chatelaine, your highness. Not your concubine. I shall take my leave." 

"You're right. I'm sorry." He smiles in an apologetic way. You nod at the prince in acceptance and leave. 

You've heard many stories of the handsome god's conquests. You would not become one.

Part Two

[starring-movies]

Killing Eve: Episode Analysis

*SPOILERS*

Season 1, Episode 5 - I Have a Thing about Bathrooms

The episode picks straight up from the end of S1E4, when Villanelle is chasing and shooting at Frank. Eve stops the car to confront Villanelle, who is visibly shocked that Eve had the courage to confront her (especially since Villanelle had a gun), and because this is the first time they’re seeing each other in person since meeting in the hospital toilets.

When Eve gets out of the car, she puts one hand up to show Villanelle that she isn’t going to hurt her, and she puts her other hand on her heart, as if to show her care and concern. Almost as if trying to test to see if Eve is genuine that she cares for her, Villanelle puts the gun to her head, and Eve’s immediate “no!” confirms this to her. (Or this is just more emotional manipulation like we get later in the kitchen scene)

When Frank is being shown around his safe house, he is shown where the bedroom is and told “this is where the magic happens”. Unfortunately for Frank this is foreshadowing to him getting killed by Villanelle in the bedroom.

While Frank is telling Carolyn and Eve about The Twelve, he says that their aim is destabilisation and when Eve asks “to what end”, Frank simply says “chaos”. This is referenced back to in S3E7, when Hélène tells Villanelle that she loves her because she is an “agent of chaos”.

In the scene when Eve is at the bus stop, the first thing she does is take out her hair, so we can assume that Villanelle is on her mind. Eve sees a crack in the glass of the bus stop and presses it with her finger, it doesn’t break and so she proceeds to smash the glass with her elbow.

The glass with the crack represents Eve. The crack symbolises something that has always been within Eve, her darkness and impulse and desire around killing. Eve manages to keep it together though (shown with the glass, when she presses the crack with her finger but it doesn’t break yet), she often feels the pressure from herself and of her darkness pushing to overcome her, but she won’t let it break her or become too unmanageable. She also represses the existence of the crack (the darkness), but it’s something that Villanelle saw in Eve from the beginning; it’s what she thought made Eve “special” [S2E8] and why she was so upset when Eve rejects both the darkness and her (just like Villanelle’s mother did). The pressure on the crack in the glass is also being put on by Eve herself, again reminding us why Villanelle was so upset with Eve, telling her “it’s what you wanted”; and Villanelle is right, it is what Eve wanted deep down but she’s in denial and won’t accept it and so blames Villanelle, its not until S3E8 that she’s willing to accept her darkness.

However, now Villanelle has come into Eve’s life and she’s aware that Villanelle will be the elbow to the crack in her glass. As they discuss on the bridge in S3E8, Eve can feel the control of her “monster” slipping away from her as Villanelle’s monster encourages her’s.

Eve goes on to take her suitcase, with all the things that Villanelle packed in it, back to her house and has another look at what was put in it. Eve can see that all the clothes and the shoes are her exact size, which is one of the things that drives her to put the dress and shoes on - here is someone who sees Eve, knows her so well and has paid such attention to detail to her from the brief times she’s seen her, that she gets clothes that she knows suit Eve and fit her perfectly. Considering Niko got her a scarf she doesn’t even like, and doesn’t seem to know her style well at all, to have someone pick clothes and shoes that are so perfect for her seems to be incredibly attractive to Eve.

Eve again takes hair hair out when putting on the dress, shoes and perfume from Villanelle. When we see her put on everything that Villanelle gave her and take out her hair, and when she looks at her reflection in the mirror, she is completely an image of exactly how Villanelle wanted to see her. Eve looking at herself in the mirror also shows how she wants to see herself in the way that Villanelle wants to see her.

Unloved’s, ‘(Sigh)’, which plays during this scene of Eve trying on the dress also reflects how Eve is feeling in this moment. The lyrics are:

“There’s something about

The way you are

That makes me (sigh)”

The lyrics reflect Eve’s mixed emotions about Villanelle and her confusion in dealing with them. The word “something”, as well as the *sigh* (the feeling can’t even be expressed with words - only a longing sigh), shows how there’s just this mysterious thing that Eve can’t put her finger on that’s dragging her closer to Villanelle. She feels this unrelenting attraction to an assassin, and not just a assassin, but one that killed her close friend and co-worker - Villanelle is someone she should hate with no question, yet she can’t.

We then get the long awaited proper first meeting between Eve and Villanelle, the kitchen scene.

The entire scene is a power play between the two women as they assess the situation, and each other, after spending the whole season so far obsessing about each other from a distance.

It obviously begins with Villanelle, who has surprised Eve in her safe space, in the position of power. She tells Eve she wants to have dinner with her and to change out of the wet dress, saying “I won’t look”, but then proceeds to look anyway and helping her out of the dress, adds “you have a nice body”. From this we can see that Villanelle makes it clear to Eve from the beginning that she’s attracted to her; but Eve is the one who won’t take it further, until the kiss in S3E3 which is one of the reasons why Villanelle is so shocked - Eve initiated the intimacy this time.

When Eve asks Villanelle why she’s come to her house, she tells Eve “I need someone to help me. I don’t want to do this anymore. I know what I am. I know I’m not normal... I don’t feel things that... I don’t want to hurt people”. What Villanelle says is an attempt to manipulate Eve, but Eve sees straight through the act saying it’s “bullshit”, which surprises Villanelle. However, given the events of Season 3, there is some truth to what Villanelle is telling Eve, as everything she said becomes true for her later on. In the exact same words as she used in this scene, in S3E6 Villanelle tells Dasha “I don’t want to do this anymore”, but the second time she says it she says it entirely sincerely.

Eve also tells Villanelle “I know something happened to you”, which contrasts with the tea dance scene in S3E8, where Eve instead asks Villanelle “what happened?”. Eve goes from being entitled to Villanelle and having a certainty in what she thinks she knows about her, to understanding and being considerate of her feelings much more. When they meet at the tea dance in S3E8, Eve is listening to what Villanelle is saying to her and can see she’s upset and so asks her a question, giving her the opportunity to share what’s bothering her if she wants to, rather than trying to make a statement about what she thinks she knows happened to her.

Villanelle does the same thing with Eve in this kitchen scene, as she does with Hélène in S3E7. She replies to Eve’s request to tell her more by first saying “okay”, but then diverting and saying “can we get one thing clear before we go on with this? Is that a sweater attached to a shirt?”. Similarly when Hélène asks Villanelle “has something happened recently?”, Villanelle first says “I did something bad to my mother”, but then in the same way as with Eve, only follows up by saying “I took a shit in her shoe when I was three”.

In the tea dance scene in S3E8, before they were interrupted by the man encouraging them to get up and dance, we can also see that Villanelle looked like she was about to answer Eve’s question, illustrating how much Eve and Villanelle’s relationship has developed emotionally, especially for Villanelle who doesn’t open up to anyone. She becomes more willing to discuss her feelings with Eve than the emotional guardedness we get in this scene, as both women are just trying to gauge the other.

When Villanelle smells Eve, she asks her “are you wearing it?”, which again shows us how she reuses things she’s heard or observed, as it’s exactly what Sebastian asked Villanelle in S1E2.

Eve also makes a comment to Villanelle telling her “I am going to find the thing you care about, and I am going to kill it”. Hopefully this isn’t foreshadowing for the coming seasons, that Eve is the thing that Villanelle cares about and so ends up being killed.

Another small but impactful moment is Villanelle telling Eve “I will eat anything”. Continuing with Killing Eve’s aim of subverting audience expectation and going against gender stereotypes, Villanelle is an attractive woman but also an enthusiastic eater. She eats a lot in the show and more importantly when she does eat, she isn’t just eating a salad. Usually in film and television woman aren’t shown eating, or if they are, they’re eating some sort of salad or a tiny unsubstantial meal to maintain the idea that they’re dainty and trying to keep slim and attractive. So to have a female lead character who is so strong and attractive, heartily eating all this food and enjoying it, shows the audience that a woman can indulge in her food and doesn’t have to be depicted eating one lettuce leaf to have these qualities.

A funny little detail - Carolyn tells Eve her dog is called Martin, that means her dog’s full name is Martin Martens.

When Villanelle goes to kill Frank, she tells him that she’d prefer to kill him in the bathroom rather than the bedroom, saying “I have a thing for bathrooms, actually”. Villanelle has a thing for bathrooms because she has just come from Eve’s house (where they fought in the bathroom), and the bathroom of the hospital is where her and Eve first met.

Villanelle also warns Frank, telling him “don’t get me excited”, when he tries to fight her off with a chair. This is confirmation that Villanelle can get excited, making her kills more violent, like when she killed the hospital room of people after she met Eve in the toilets.

You can read my previous Killing Eve posts here:-

First Introduction to Villanelle

First Introduction to Eve

S1, E1 - Nice Face

S1, E2 - I’ll Deal With Him Later

S1, E3 - Don’t I Know You?

S1, E4 - Sorry Baby

S1, E6 - Take Me To The Hole!

S1, E7 - I Don’t Want to Be Free

S1, E8 - God, I’m Tired

S2, E1 - Do You Know How to Dispose of a Body?

S2, E2 - Nice and Neat

S2, E3 - The Hungry Caterpillar

S2, E4 - Desperate Times

S2, E5 - Smell Ya Later

S2, E6 - I Hope You Like Missionary!

S2, E7 - Wide Awake

S2, E8 - You’re Mine

S3, E1 - Slowly Slowly Catchy Monkey

S3, E2 - Management Sucks

S3, E3 - Meetings Have Biscuits

S3, E4 - Still Got It

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 1]

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 2]

S3, E6 - End of Game

S3, E7 - Beautiful Monster

S3, E8 - Are You Leading or Am I? [Part 1]

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[swaglexander-the-great]

If you feel like it : develop on your hatred of the new Beauty and the Beast movie? I've heard a lot of salt about the way the music score was handled 👀

O MAN DO NOT DO THIS

Every time I think about this film, rage fills me like a super saiyan powering up and i scream

How do i even start

i think i will do bullet points

these will not be in any coherent order, I take no criticisms on this or my extreme bias

also i have not watched this movie for like years so my rage may outweigh my accuracy BUT

The opening?? With Cate blanchett narrating?? Who do u think u are?? Lord of the Rings? Peter Jackson in an epic trilogy changing the world forever?? You’re Disney eating your own meal and shitting it out again don’t fucking even try it

They didn’t even change anything and the animated intro was much shorter and better

The enchantress enters like Malificent, acts like a trickster god japing bitches, but try to paint her as Good uwu Princess.

Gaston, roughly the size of an ox if the ox was a slightly buff man who would bounce off Terry Crew’s majestic chest like a ping pong ball

You don’t have to be a crusty cynical adult to narrow ur eyes at that twunk picking up a solid 170kg of two people and think CGI

Yes, a queer-coded snivelling sidekick who adores a horrible man is exactly the gay representation we all wanted may I lick ur boots Disney and also suck ur dick but only if we say no homo

Gaston’s sidekick (don’t ask me to spell french) bribing the bar people to like Gaston or something??? The whole point?? Is that Gaston DOES check off the list for Desirable Bachelor in those times!! Can hunt? Yes. Lorge? Yes. Well off? Yup! An asshole? Of course, but does that matter in these times? No! Your privilege is to wash his socks! But Belle is a Different and Special Girl who DOESN’T find Gaston attractive for all the things the village thots do! Gaston is the outer ‘perfection’ that society praises while he’s still a cunt, the Beast is seeing the goodness within no matter what society says! The whole movie is fucking inverted by that one goddamn scene!! I hate this film!!!

this also makes it fuckin weird that they then discriminate against Maurice and side with gaston in the end? The villagers just do whatever the fuck the writer wants them to do and in this it’s so painfully obvious, the CEO of disney may as well be standing there with flags directing their movements in the background, I hate this fucking film

Instead of making cool inventions belles dad just makes like, a weird dolls house if I remember correctly

THEY DUBBED THE WOLVES IWTH TIGER NOISES! W  H   Y

The Be My Guest was so lacklustre. It was like a clown singing kareoke in an empty warehouse while frisbees fly around. You wasted Ewan McGregor on this. Disney has no imagination anymore

To add to that, the ending ballroom scene dance thing?? Lacklustre. Disappoint. Bad dress.

The best character in this film is the horse, who not only remembers the impossible way to the Beast castle, but runs at max speed between the two locations (a half-day journey), regularly with ease, carries the Beast, who IS roughly the size of an ox, and fights off fucking wolves who also seem to totally ignore his presence

Disney robbed me of the one scene I did desperately want, which was Belle deadlifting the Beast on to the main character, the horse

THE PLAGUE

ok the fucking plague ok. You do not mess with the goddamn plague. And this wasn’t cowpox either, this was the full 1500’s shithole Paris Black Death burn-you-alive fucking PLAGUE. Belle’s mom had the Plague, and both her and her dad somehow did not contract this while living with her through her entire sickness, they go to a different town (ISOLATE U HEATHENS) and then?? The Beast and Belle GO BACK to a plague house and run their hands all over shit! Do you know how long the plague takes to die off?? Even TODAY when we dig up a plague pit, everyone has to get immunized, I know this from EXPERIENCE. Congratulations, you and the Beast either have plague or have introduced it to your lovely village. Do not fuck lightly with the plague.

The magic fucking teleportation book.

Why

what the shit

w

t

WHY

They use this shit to instantly Star Trek beam themselves into a plague house

I assume the Beast wasn’t using this to heist random women to see if they would fall in love with him because, like, why would you not do this when you can just politely return them with your stupid magical teleport book

People attack the castle? Use the magical teleport book dumbass

The Beast’s unnecessary, long, boring song from the top of some fucking tower, idk, I skipped it, I got bored

The Beast design. What’s the point if he doesn’t look like feral garbage please. Also his voice pissed me off but I can’t remember why

I dont like him even personality wise

give him to Guillemo del toro you cowards

This was set in Actual History for some fucking stupid reason, and for another unfathomable reason, it was set directly before the French Revolution, so I guess it’s not a happy ending at all. Who wants to be transformed into a guillotine ?

Why is it so fucking dark half the time

The teapot is creepy

Why in the shit did we get the Prince’s fuckin weird tragic backstory? We don’t care. Man get turned beast is what we come for. And why? Why do we need a tragic backstory to excuse his actions? Can he not just be an asshole? Rich, stupid asshole? Who then maybe has to learn a lesson? Instead of oh tortured soul rich boy is so misunderstood! No. Die.

Disney’s absolute desperate need to have characters be ONLY GOOD or BAD BAD makes me want to knee the face of the collective corporation so hard that they are sent into the Hell Dimension

Where did the hot priest at the start go? Why do I think of him sometimes

They want this to be painfully French, but somehow ends up and an even more agonizing blend between painfully British and ass-kissingly american.

Why does the castle just fall apart like that. What is holding it together? Spirit gum? Why? Stone that looks like it has been soldered together with a welding iron doesn’t just give out, or The Earth would have caved in millenia ago

Ian McKellan uses his Gandalf voice and in this film it’s honestly a crime and also jarring to hell

The prince is not hot at all

The stupid dubbed growl at the end which I try so hard to repress makes me want to throw myself into a swimming pool full of mace

The only 1 good thing about this film was the dude who got dressed up by the dresser and was so fucking happy about it.

People complain about the soundtrack, but I for one refused to listen to the songs that bored me within the first 20 seconds, and the ones I listened to were like average remakes of the OGs so that wasn’t really the worst sin

This film so visibly sucked its own dick that this is probably why it was banned in china

Thinking about this film makes me want to commit Violence so I think it’s about time I stopped

I will not be taking constructive criticism or counterpoints to anything about my thoughts on this ever.

Goodbye and thank you for your curiosity

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck Reviews Halloween Special: Fungus Amongus and Ghoul of My Dream

Happy Halloween! Halloween Havoc races to the finish with another Darkwing Double Feature! Love is kinda crazy with a spooky girl like Morgana, and in this case “kinda crazy” means a board of ghouls stealing pizza, sentient mushrooms, grumpy spiders, student lone debt, and a gremlin who somehow sees himself as a valid romantic option. It’s a Darkwing Duck Halloween under the cut.+

We’ve made it! While I got less Halloween reviews done than I would’ve liked, I’m still happy with the ones done and there’s still two more to get in the pocket before the day’s up. So with Halloween today it seemed fitting to talk about the Justice Ducks resident sorcerer and Darkwing’s Girlfriend, Morgana Macawber. Morgana was the only one of the four to stick around as a recurring character out of the four Justice Ducks: Gizmoduck would show up once more after the four parter, and sadly Neptunia and Stegamutt just seemed to vanish but the crew clearly liked Morg a lot and her relationship with Darkwing, so she stuck around for the rest of the series, and is even the focus of the final episode “Malice’s Restaurant”, as well as a sizeable part of the comics. And it’s easy to see why as Kathie Sourcie had great chemistry with Jim Cummings and Morgana’s very presence, being a sorceress raised by the munsters and living in a creepy mansion, allowed for diffrent stories than what Darkwing usually dealt with. While magic didn’t feel like it contrasted with the world, as Darkwing’s world feels like your standard superhero fantasy kitchen sink where anything is possible, most of his foes were either super villains or the kinds of super spies you’d find in a comic book. So fighting ghoouls, goblins, and Satan himself, yes that’s an episode that actually happened, no it’s sadly not on Disney plus, and yes I will be covering it eventually, was a nice out of genre experience and a nice way to put our daring duck of mystery out of his element.

She brought something diffrent to the table, both forcing Darkwing to grapple with letting someone into his life, and with having something to focus on other than Gosalyn or crime. So I wanted to see how this plays out, so expect me to cover all her episodes and not just the Satan one or the Valentine’s Day one, though like my Tom Lucitor retrospective, expect this one to also take some time. So with that all set up, Halloween is the perfect time to begin our journey with her first two episodes.. and Morgana’s Villian Career. Yeah while she only had about 9 episodes to her name, 2 of them are as a Catwoman or Black Cat style antagonist, someone whose likeable and who are hero is attracted to, but is on the wrong side of the law.

She eventually came around, but it’s still an intresting way to start things and an intresting dilema for our hero I wish stuck around for just a smidge longer. These aren’t bad episodes with Ghoul of My Dreams being a pretty good one. If I had to guess though the reason the dynamic fizzled out.. is they simply didn’t have a lot of ideas of how to use her as a bad guy. Part of the reason i’m covering these two episodes together is that they follow basically the same plot beat, the only differences being Darkwing meets Morgana in the first one and they know each other in the second, and that the evil entity who ends up turning against her she works with is different for both. The third act is also entirely unique to each episode, so it feels less like them lazily repeating themselves on an episode and more like they genuinely realized they didn’t have a ton of ideas for Morgana as a villain and thus had her reform with the Justice Ducks two parter. And I can’t blame them: fan would get annoyed if basically every Morgana plot played out the same, and this way she could know Drake’s secret identity, and thus allow the stories to use Gosalyn, though I do wish she’d shown up in one of the villian ones just to see how that played out. But still her time as a Villian is there, and is even a plot point in the valentine’s episode, so let’s see how it played out and see what I think.

Fungus Amongus

The plot here is fairly simple: there’s been a rash of mysterious thefts in St. Canard, and Darkwing is stumped.. until Launchpad asks if they can go for pizza, because he’s hungry and Darkwing is the terrible kind of boss that doesn’t’t care about meal breaks. It makes our hungry hero realize that each of the thefts are connected to PIzza Toppings, and after thwarting the bats and spiders stealing some anchovies, figures there’s only two left: Green Peppers and Mushrooms, and so he decides it’s time to split up gang and while Launchpad guards the peppers, Darkwing goes to visit the head of the mushrom company, who naturally turns out to be Morgana. The two end up taken with one another, to the board’s annoyance as Darkwing is onto them and could stop their whole evil plan and they want to just murder his ass and be done with it. But Morgana proves seduction’s a bit more useful as she sweetalks our hero into leaving, and points out given he’s also a creature of the night in a sense, she plans to turn him.. or kill him if she has to. More on that in our next episode. The facade dosen’t last long as Darkwing goes to help launchpad at the pepper place, and ends up finding out oh no the hot lady he met five minutes ago is bad! While the board plans to feed Launchpad to mutant mushrooms, while Morgana seemingly turns Darkwing into her mindless slave.. but really just played the board and switched sides, not wanting to hurt the guy she just met because he’s cute, they defeat the mushrooms and the board who turn into mushrooms in the light because....

The day is saved though we do get the one standout bit of the episode. Darkwing despite his attraction to her, wants to turn her in, while Morgana simply teleports her house away. And thus the dance begins. As for the episode... as you can tell by how brief I was... for one i’m not doing my usual died in wool recapping for these two to get them out on time. And i’m also not because this one.. is pretty thin. The mutant mushroom and boards’d esigns are cool and Morgana is intresting.. but having seen Ghoul of my Dreams first.. it’s just not as fun, funny or good on the Morgana Darkwing dynamic. Morgana just decides because she wants to ride that dick she’ll be good for a moment, and throw away her hard worked scheme, and the board is turned into mushrooms because.. well see the lex luger pic above. It’s not a TERRIBLE episode, just not a terribly intresting one. It has good elements, but they just don’t come together well and the pizza scheme isn’t as funny as the episode thinks it is. I can kinda see why this one was buried deeper into the series and Ghoul of My Dreams is where they put focus. I just don’t have a lot to say about this one, it’s just bland and uninteresting. It’s kind of why I just sorta plopped it next to Ghoul, I needed to review it for completion’s sake, but lord if I can think of a lot to say about it that isn���t tied into the next one. So since I can’t...

Ghoul of my Dreams:

Now this is better. The basic plot is still simple but allows for a lot more intresting set pieces: It’s a slow night in St. Canard, to Darkwing’s natural annoyance, until a bunch of fire fighters start sleepwalking and throwing gold to some spiders and bats. Something is afoot and since the bats belong to Morgana, Darkwing goes to investigate her. Granted we just MET eek and squeak, but it’s easy enough to assume Morgana struck again off screen and some time has passed. And i’ts honestly what makes this episode more interesting: now it’s more of a cat and mouse game, with Morgana using their chemistry against him, but still being genuinely drawn to him and not wanting to hurt him. It’s better than “I met you five minutes ago might as well throw away my money for you”.  Instead Morg truly likes Drake, but wants to keep doing crimes to, in easily the best joke of the entire series “Finally pay off my student loans”.. which makes her already not really a bad guy. I may not haves em but I know people who do. Those loan people do not play around. It’s investing and Sourcie and Cumming’s chemstiry really makes it pop. Sourcie really is what makes the character, giving her energy, sedcutivness when called for and a really sympathetic quality that makes her face turn, sudden as it is, believable. It’s why I really like the character. And I get why some don’t: Her romance with darkwing is sudden,  her face turn is even more sudden, and she gets in the way of Drakepad shippers. The first two are valid criticisms, while the last one is understandable.. depending on motive. If your just bummed this relationship you don’t like is forced into the show and gets in the way of the one you actually enjoy.. trust me...

BEEN THERE. And far far worse.. I didn’t start up an entire retrospective on the guy who DIDN’T get the girl here for nothing. But if you say “oh well it’s homophobic or you hate gays” if you don’t ship drakepad, which I have actually heard for both this ship and delpad.. kindly go fuck yourself and stay away from my posts. It’s NOT homophobic to ship a character who is CANOCIALLY into women, with a woman. Launchpad had a girl of the week or two in ducktales, Drake’s attraction to morgana is canon and he also had some ship tease with Neptunia. They both like women.. but there’s nothing saying they DON’T like men, don’t want to date men, or aren’t attracted to them.

Been waiting to reference Schitt’s Creek at some point here now i’ve started watching it. It’s biphobic to say this sort of harmful shit, and it doesn’t’t help there are plenty of gay people who genuinely believe bi and pan aren’t sexualities and harm their own community by doing so. Saying this kind of shit just fuels their fire and bi people like me and pan people like my firend have a hard enough time with straight people being dicks about this. You should know and be better. Don’t bring that shit into this fandom. We’ve already ridden incest out on a rail we don’t need this. I already put up with enough bullshit being a loud house fan and having to deal with ACTUAL homophobic ships like Sam/Lincoln, aka setting up a character you don’t know to be anything but gay, versus her girlfriend whose canocially been shown to be bi if preferring women, whose the proment and well like love interest of a woman, and pair her with her younger brother to clearly troll people. Now that’s a homophobic ship and that you shoudl be angry about, not “oh no the person who likes women in canon.. LIKES A WOMAN IN FANON”. It’s part of what made shiping delpad hard at times because people got really dumb about it to the point someone drew some very horrible fanart just to clog up the tag. Knock. it off.

And if your curious for my actual thoughts on Drakepad: in the classic series.. i’m not a fan, but I get it, and I do think they could work... it’s just. that Drake treats Launchpad really bad, including throwing him out of the house for a year without telling him why over something that really wasn’t his fault, not feeding him, not treating him as an equal after a while. This would have to change for them to work but I could see it happening, as the comics and one of the peisodes make a point that Drake can be a pretty shitty partner to Morgana too.

And just to show i’m equal opprtunity, despite shipping Delpad in the past, i’ve moved on to Penpad and Drakepad , ironcially enough, i’m not as big a fan anymore. LIke the above, Della just dosen’t respect launchpad as a human being. She was willing to keep the Halloween thing up JUST to scare children, looks down on him, and whie is his friend, is not all that close. I could see them happening, and do still think it’d be cute, it’d just take a ton of work and there are better ships for both. And yes I do ship Drakepad in the reboot, but there the two aren’t employer and employee, but equals who genuinely love and respect one another, listen to one another, and value each other. In the Reboot they have genuine chemistry and I could see them together, while in the original Launchpad and Morgana both really deserve better.

Now that’s settled, we get a fun scene of the two primping for each other. then flirting a bit, though Morgana, in AWFUL looking black lipstick wins with the move above and has her spider web launchpad, who hates morgana.. which is one part common sense given how darkwing gets around her and one part ho yay. But yeah this is pretty much Launchpad for both these episodes.

And darkwing dick is calling the shots so fair enough. But Morgana is once again nto wokring alone and is working with a creepy, well designed gremlin, named Nodoff... eh i’ve heard worse, whose giving her sleeping dust to knock out her targets and hits on her constnatly. Naturally he plans to betray her as soon as he can, and is likely only tolerating her because he wants to hit that.  There dynamic boils down to this.

There’s also tons of fun dream sequences including one at the top with darkwing being confronted by his enitre Rogue’s gallery before seeing morgana, NOdoff using baseball on Morg’s next target and some great ones at the climax. It’s part of hwy I like this episode better: While someone using dreams for stuff has been done a lot, it’s given a creative spin here as instead of killing them, Morgana’s simply using them to steal. Good stuff.

Darkwing foils their first attempt, though gets blamed for it because St. Canard is about as grateful as New York when it comes to superheroes. Morgana knocks darkwing out with some dust via Eeka and Squeak and admits Nodoff is working for her, though fobids him to harm Darkwing. This.. dosen’t last and we get another great setpiece, of sarkwing on a high dive. Thankfully, Launchpad finds him, and they find Morgana, who gives off the student loans comment. But in the struggle to stop her, Darkwing accidently puts her and the city to sleep.. and Nodoff is now super powerful and imprisons morgana. Darkwing i s back at her house, wondering what to do, but the bats give him a clue.. by flying him thorugh the door to fight Nodoff. It goes about as well as you’d expect with him freeing Morgana.. then trying to murder them both. Darkwing however pulls an Elm Streett 3 and says to think happy thoughts and take control of the dream.. which ends up at Darkwing’s Wedding to Morgana to his horror..... remind me whose the hero again. The woman who, while doing crimes is trying to pay off unfair debts, or the guy who finds the idea of commitment horrifying.  

Anyways we get some more great bits, I brush over them so I don’t ahve to talk about them conantly, including darkwing getting a cake on him, before Darkwing turns the tables by finding the hourglass full of the dust.. and in a clever finale, loading it into his gun and firing it on nodoff. This puts him to sleep.. which puts him in the real world, while Launchpad uses a giant alarm clock to wake everyone. They throw NOdoff back into the dream world.. for some reason.. and the episode ends iwth morgana kissing darkwing and the episode possibly having been all a dream.

This one, while I was again breif, is a classic, with a much more interesting dynamic. Instead of a morgana who goes from willing to kill we get one whose conflicted over things, who clearly wants to be a crook but may like darkwing more than that, as evidenced when he talks her out of taking Nodoff’s offer of riches. It’s good stuff and the gags are back to the show’s usual top notch level. It’s a creative, fun episode that really helps Morgana come into her own and I look forward to more of her. Overall i’d recommend skipping fungus amongus, but DEFINTELY check out ghoul of my dreams, as it’s throughly fantastic. I’ll be back in a bit for one last Halloween review and as always you can find my backlog on my blog. i recently covered Tiff of the Titans and there’s regular ducktales coverage every monday. Until then make sure to vote, wear a mask and check your house for gary busey till we meet again! Play us out Gerard Way!

[inosuketingz]

the sheets are stained with blood [p.2]

( gif source rafikecoyote )

PART ONE [ PART TWO ] PART THREE PART FOUR Victor Zsasz x fem!Reader Warning: swearing, mentions of sex, violence, blood, spoilers for Birds of Prey Word Count: 1980 A/N: I promise I am not dead I just disappeared. I do plan on extended this fic to like far off places so if you want me to tag you in upcoming parts, feel free to ask!

 Victor’s knife digs deeper into your neck and you groan. His face isn’t an inch away from yours, his breath able to tickle your nose. 

 “I’ve got a special place on my back for you, Night Hex,” Zsasz insists. You roll your eyes. People only started to call Night Hex after your first few encounters with Wonder Woman. It just so happened that they all occurred during the night, and now you’re stuck with that shit hole of a super villain name. 

 You grab onto his arm and he instinctively tries to jerk it away, but your grip is tight as you chant “Mutanter et nos, mutanter et nos, mutanter et nos.” One of the first spells you ever learned- it allows you to swap positions with whoever is in your grasp.

 In the blink of an eye, you are standing where Zsasz stood, holding his knife into his neck. For a second a look of shock and confusion crosses his face until that shit-eating grin returns. 

“Spooky,” he mocks you.

 “I hate to rain on your parade, Mr. Zsasz, but I’m not in the mood to be another one of your slaughter animals.” You pull back, making sure to keep the weapon on you. “Maybe next time, though.”

  He doesn’t move from the wall and you watch him watch you, waiting for him to say something. You two share a moment of silence, VIctor staring you down with hooded eyes.

 You aren’t sure if you should get nervous right now. You could easily overpower him with one one of the plethora of spells you know. But, it’s not like you’re immortal or anything. All it takes is for him to grab the nearest sharp object to gut you- and you’re a goner. 

 “Why the hell are you here?” You question and quickly add “And how the hell did you get into my apartment?” 

 Again, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, you watch him reach into the back pockets of his dress pants and you immediately slam his knife into his shoulder before he can pull anything out. A small, but joyful smile forms on your lips as you stare down at him. Your strength is in your witchcraft, not weapons. When your instinct led you to shove the knife into Zsasz’s skin, you were only about 50% sure you were strong enough to actually hurt him. 

 He looks  up at you as he pulls the object out of him. “You didn’t even let me answer, bitch.” And then he tries to lunge at you. Again- you are a witch. Not a weapons-master nor a body builder. From what you’ve heard about Zsasz, his strength is impressive for a normal human. One punch from him could knock you out. 

 Since you started practicing your witchcraft after turning 18, you found out there were a lot of pros and cons that came with it. Pros are; with the right spell, potion, ritual, or object- you are capable of doing practically anything. Cons are; these things take time. So in cases where a psycho is attacking you with a knife, and you don’t have time to say a three-line spell, you have to act from the top of your head. Usually not the best idea.

 And, in this scenario, as Zsasz’s hand’s only a little a couple of inches away from your face, your brain tells you to raise your leg and slam your foot on his groin as hard as you can. The chunky platform heels you’re wearing help with the effort. 

 Victor stumbles back, dropping the knife to cup his crotch in pain. You lurch for the weapon the second it slips out of his hand and shove Zsasz to the ground, straddling chest as his back hits the floor to keep him from moving. 

 Maybe dealing with Wonder Woman these past few years has its perks.

 Holding the knife up in warning, you repeat yourself “What do you want, Victor?”

 Again, he smiles. “So, you really don’t remember me, huh?” He, again, changed the subject. 

 “What?” You lowered your arm in confusion. “The fuck are you talking about?” A man like VIctor Zsasz is not one you could forget. But, he doesn’t let it go.

 “I mean, sure, it was a couple of years ago, but c’mon. I wasn’t that bad, was I?” He’s amused as he speaks. He knows the more ambiguity he says, the deeper he gets under your skin.

 You watch him chuckle and narrow your eyes in thought. Admittedly, your history is a long and fanatical one. Maybe you did come across Zsasz one time or another.

It's when he continues his monologue that the bulb in your brain finally lights up. “What was the name they gave you? Cosima or some shit?” 

 You struggle to come up with a reply. Cosima? In the least cliche way; you haven’t heard that name in years. Victor laughs at the shocked look on your face. “You do remember!” He feigns appreciation.

 Your parents never took too great of a liking to you. As they raised you and your twin sister, with the knowledge that only offspring becomes a witch, it was clear that they wanted that witch to be the latter, Talia. You couldn’t blame them, of course. You were a little shit, constantly hanging with the wrong crowds and causing chaos around the city. And then, you inherited the powers. They were angry about it. A month later Talia went missing. They became angrier.

 Their favoritism never really bothered you, and you and your sister were actually quite close. You didn’t take your sister’s disappearance well. What started as you stealing a few things from the corner store as a kid turned into sex, drugs, high theft, and more. 

 So, they kicked you out. For the first few months, you couch hopped from friend’s house to friend’s house. At this time, you had almost no experience with magic, so scamming your way through life using witchcraft wasn’t an option. Then, one of your friends proposed a job offer. She worked as a dancer at a gentlemen's club where there happened to be an opening. 

 Workers also got free housing, so you took the friend on her offer. You never imagined that you’d work as a stripper, but at that point- you were desperate for anything. 

 Rich men from all over the world came to the club, one of them being the rich Gotham entrepreneur Vikram Zsasz. He was well into his 40’s and brought with him a couple of employees for his company- as well as his 25 year old son, Victor Zsasz. 

 It was so hard to draw a connection to the Victor who lays cackling on your hardwood floor to the fresh-faced young man who visited that day. He was a completely different person, you wouldn’t have ever remembered it was him had he not mentioned it. 

 The younger Zsasz moved with energy and pride, like some arrogant frat boy. He was attractive, as he still is, with clear skin that lacked the tally marks that plague him now. When your boss escorted you and a few other girls to host the group of men, he was chugging a glass of scotch like juice, his platinum blonde hair styled in a messy side part. 

 You remember his attention always being on you as you sat with the party. You never thought much of it since there was always men and women lusting over you while you danced. His eyes watched you with adoration, unlike the disturbing leers he gives you now.

 You would have declined his offer when he asked you to spend the night with him had he been anyone else. But, he was hot and you were horny so you accepted.

 He was equally as cocky in bed as he was at the gentlemen’s club. He kept telling you to “lay back and let him do all the work”, something you didn’t have a problem with since it wasn’t like you planned on doing shit anyway. He attacked your pussy like he hadn’t eaten in days. The feeling of his tongue swirling against your clit and his fingers deep inside of you had you pulling at his hair. 

 When he inserted himself inside of you, you remember that he was rough. He took you from behind first and held you by your neck as he continuously ordered you to call him “Daddy” and praise his work on you. 

 For about two hours, all that filled the hotel room were your moans, his groans and the sound of your skin slapping against each other. 

 Your face warms and you feel yourself growing wet from the thought. You don’t even notice when he placed his hands on your thighs. 

 “Guess I wasn’t so bad after all, witch.” His voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you’re reminded that the Victor you’re straddling isn’t the boy from your memories. 

 He’s an insane serial killer whose body count of corpses ascends over the Wayne Tower . A devil who lurks the streets of Gotham. One ready to take the lives of any that come too close to him, including you.

 You push yourself off of him. “Don’t call me that, dickhead.” 

 “What else should I call you? My little slut?” He sits up on his elbows and smiles when you roll your eyes. “Or maybe a fucking cocksucker? That’s what you are anyway-”

 “If you’re not here to kill me, stop wasting my time,” you cut him off. He’s trying to get into your head, with his twisted teasing and reminders. You’re not in the mood for any of it. 

  He glances at the stab wound on his shoulder. It wasn’t too deep, but his printed Versace dress shirt is stained with blood. “What, you’re not gonna help with Daddy’s wounds?” He taunts you.

~ ~ ~

 Zsasz moans in comfort as he slips into the bath. His arm was stiff since you actually did wrap his gash on his shoulder. You made sure you tied it too tight, so much so that it almost cut the circulation off his arms. But that didn’t matter. It’s the fact that you did it which he cares so much about it.

 He picks his phone from the pockets of his pants which he tossed on the bathroom floor while getting undressed. He opens the photo app and taps on an untitled folder. In it are images of you, ranging from low quality helicopter shots of your encounters with Wonder Woman to pictures he snapped of you from your apartment window without you knowing.

 When he saw you that day at the club, he was immediately fascinated with your looks. When he returned to Gotham, you were all that took up his mind. He was obsessed, but he lost you. You were hours away, in the dangerous parts of Boston without anyone to watch over you. 

 His parents died a few months after his encounter with you. After that, his depression led him to the gambling addiction where he lost it all to Oswald Cobblepot. He was ready to end it all when he met Roman. By then, he almost forgot about you until your face showed up on nationwide news one day as everyone dubbed you Wonder Woman’s new foe.

 He zooms in on a photo he had taken of you in the shower. Your breasts were nearly in full view, if it wasn’t for the stupid fucking plant you had in there that blocked much of the window. Zsasz smiles.

 He’s lost everything. He lost his parents in the car accident. He lost his fortune in the Gotham casino. He lost Roman to that bitch, Harley Quinn. He’s lost everything. Everything except you.

[inspirationdivine]

Trouble in Faeradise || Lydia and Deirdre

Timing: Shortly after Lydia and Simon got unstuck

Parties: @deathduty, @inspirationdivine

Summary: Lydia and Deirdre entice a human into a fairy ring. Things happen. As Deirdre puts it, it was not a mushroom vibe. 

Content Warnings: Compulsion (Fairy ring magic), emotional manipulation

Simon was darling and pleasant and very amenable, but if Lydia had had to be stuck to someone for so long, it would have rather been Deirdre. They hadn’t had enough opportunity to spend time together recently - for so many reasons, all of them understandable - but Lydia was desperate to bond more with the banshee. Especially now that Morgan had used the word love. So when she saw the banshee, Lydia gave her a hug in greeting. “Ready for some fun?”

The hug in greeting was a surprise, though one Deirdre prized. Perhaps she was right in thinking Lydia was warming up to her (it was very hard to tell when she still half-expected the other fae to turn around and yell “TRAITOR” at any moment). But there was no greater act of bonding between two fae than grabbing a human and taking them to the nearest fairy ring (Deirdre had spotted one in the woods earlier this week and her first thought about it was to tell Lydia). “As a fae, I think I was born ready for fun...and bones. Which I do consider to be fun.” She glanced around the irregularly busy street, filled with drunks stumbling from one bar to the next to cram their pathetic Friday nights with more excitement. “Speaking of, did you bring your big, white, windowless van or is this one of those tasteful kidnappings?” 

“Deirdre, I swear to god, please do not bring us to some mangled corpse,” Lydia replied, but with a soft nudge and wink that belied the gentle teasing of it all. “Or at least, not this time.” She eyed them too. To the left, three girls sipped seruptitiously at a bottle of water, or at least so they claimed, before joining the queue to a local club. Their skirts curled around their asses, matching in silver sequens. To their right, a man stumbled down a dark alley, whisper yelling his need to urinate to his friends. Lydia’s lip curled a little. “Totally tasteful, my dear. I suspect all we need to do is offer one of these fellows an irresistable night with two beautiful woman and they would follow us right into a dragon’s den. No kiss needed. Although I tend to prefer them high over drunk. Oh! What about that one over there?” Lydia asked, curling her hand around Deirdre’s arm, pointing at a girl with faded blue hair who was flipping off some guy as she texted at her phone.

What were the best humans to torture? Deirdre had often pondered the question. Some could be unsatisfying, like when they prattled on about children and wives and how their sick mother in the hospital was expecting someone to leave her roses. Most fae did not listen, or care, but Deirdre---always watching---was decidedly more observant. Ther fun humans were the drunk ones, too intoxicated to understand what was happening, and more likely to play off their strange fae encounter as some kind of by product of drugs. But then there were different types of drunks, weren’t they? And some were so sad. Deirdre’s eyes surveyed the crowd just as Lydia’s did. “But I love a good mangled corpse,” she pouted, scoping out a target. The men would be easy, and if they were good--which they were--they could snag a few of them for their purposes. Then her eyes fell to the girl. “She looks...angry.” Like she might realize in the middle of getting a mushroom shaved into her hair that she had a lot to live for and needed to follow her passion in creative writing instead of staying in the nursing program she hated. Which was...an outcome of undecided amounts of fun. This was easier in the past, when she cared less about what the lives of these humans looked like. Which was increasingly hard to ignore as she continued to human-watch. “I--you know what? Let’s go with the girl. She looks like she’s having a terrible night and isn’t it our duty to show her some fun?” Of course, fun for them, mushroom mind-control for her. 

“I know you do, but I don’t subject you to the local amatuer open mic nights, do I?”She does look angry. I like a challenge,” Lydia replied. Not that kind of challenge in her long term hunts, which were also in progress as they spoke, but for dancing around naked in the moonlight? Completely so. She waited for Deirdre’s indecision, her eyes flicking around to other options lazily - a man adjusting his crop top as he waited for a date, a woman staring back at them with glowing green eyes. The latter, Lydia thought, was definitely not human, and looked a wholly different kind of fun, but not for tonight. “It is definitely our duty,” Lydia replied with a smile. Arm hooked through Deirdre’s arm, they walked over to the woman side by side over to the woman with the white hair. “I hope those men aren’t giving you a hard time?” Lydia asked, voice as smooth as syrup. 

“You could--” Deirdre leaned in with a smirk, “maybe I’d like some entertainment with my wine next time.” Not that Lydia wasn’t entertaining alone, but as on a serious note, as friends, she assumed they’d share at least a little in each other’s interests. And so, just like that, they approached the girl.  And she, shocked to see two irrefutably attractive women, turned to them abruptly and with wide-eyes. She stopped texting, but her screen remained illuminating her face against the bars and clubs’ neon signs. 

“Yeah…” Emma said hesitantly, as if agreeing with them was a defeat on its own, “look, I don’t wanna be like, a part of your threesome or whatever, okay?” But the stutter around the words meant that, just for the brief second she used to take in their appearance, she had thought about it. She was sharp, and adjusted herself and her body to angle away from them, arms crossed over her chest. “What do you want?”

“We just wanted to help you,” Deirdre started softly, “we know how it can be, alone at night. We just wanted to make sure you were safe.” A pang of guilt rang through her. How safe would she be once they’d lead her into a fairy ring? The girl eyed them suspiciously, she offered no thanks or apologies for her harsh tone. Her body remained closed-off. 

Lydia matched Deirdre’s smirk with a more genuine smile. “Alright. Next time we’ll listen to some talentless hacks perform in the hope of finding some diamond in the rough, and then we’ll go on a walk to find something dead and pretty.” She had been teasing, but now she wasn’t. Not that it mattered for tonight, as they walked over to their evening’s entertainment. A threesome with a human? Lydia had her cringe well, and let Deirdre do the talking, soft and lily sweet. She could imagine it, Lydia thought. Being a human and looking at Deirdre and being entranced. Not aware that your death might be around the corner. But the girl was not impressed, her eyes distrustful. Perhaps she had grown up here, watching her friends disappear and die over time. Perhaps she had heard of magical threats and knew the risks. Perhaps she was merely sensible.

“Do you at least have friends coming to meet you?” Lydia asked softly, after a moments beat.

A deep, long suffering sigh. “No. They bailed, so I guess I’m headed home.”

“It sounds like you don’t want to do that.” Lydia replied, running her finger over her lips idly. “You know, we’re headed to an exclusive party. No creeps invited, very tightly vetted. If you don’t want to head into a club like that by yourself.” Lydia gestured to a queue for one of the clubs nearby. The girl pursed her lips, but she was looking at them more intently now, as if weighing it up. Tempted, even with her arms closed. 

“I’m not doing an orgy either, for the record.” The girl replied.

Was it softness that made her too weak? Did caring about humans force her into the kind of awareness that made it hard to abduct people? Hearing Lydia talk about an ‘exclusive party’ was ingenious, the kind of plan Deirdre should have been thinking about, but couldn’t. Instead she noticed how lost the girl seemed, how she’d perked up at the idea of something exclusive, as if she were special enough to be included, as if she mattered enough. A place where friends wouldn’t leave her. She wondered what her life must have been like to stir these feelings, if she’d ever had a true friend or if they’d just caught her on an off-night. Her deliberations did not show on her face, Deirdre’s soft smile didn’t falter. She was thinking too much about this. This was fae mischief; harmless. It was what fae did. “It’s not an orgy,” Deirdre laughed easily, as if it was some amusing thought. “I mean it could be if---I’m joking! I’m joking.” Deirdre took the moment to recover from her joke to assess the girl. What kind of an exclusive party would they paint this as? Upscale? Intimate? What did she seem more interested in? She watched the girls eyes dart around, observing where she lingered. The groups seemed to catch her eyes. Maybe she didn’t really like clubs, she just went because her friends did, what she really wanted was---”it’s just a small thing, really. Just some friends sitting around a fire, smoking, drinking, talking. It’s just---it’s hard to get to know people when the clubs and bars are so loud, right? And it always seems like everyone just wants something out of you and it’s---I don’t like it. So, an exclusive gathering. You don’t have to waste your night.” The girl’s arms slowly uncrossed. Bingo. She never would have noticed her loneliness if she didn’t have an empathetic eye---she might have stuck with clubbing angle, pitched it as something upscale (the humans did love the idea of fancy). She felt terrible for a moment, and then the girl spoke, and she felt worse. “How do I know I can trust you guys? And, like, if it’s your friends I don’t want to--” she caught her insecurity in her throat, swallowing it down and standing up a little straighter to cover it, “like, you know. It’s whatever, but how do I know this isn’t some weird like sex party thing? ‘Cause I told you, I’m not interested. How can I trust you?” 

Lydia’s gaze didn’t flicker as Deirdre continued describing it, although she was caught off guard. It was a risky proposition, after all. The idea of being outsiders at an insider event was off putting to most people. Something high end with an open bar was usually the safest bet. It was interesting too, to hear Deirdre describe what they were doing, how she crafted her half truths to suit this girl’s need. Yet here, the girl opened up, melting like butter into Deirdre’s words. Lydia gave Deirdre the slightest squeeze. “I promise, we’re not inviting you to take part in a sex party. I take my word very seriously.” 

The girl eyed her suspiciously, because of course it wasn’t enough. Instead, Lydia took a slightly different approach, leaning into one of this identity’s greatest uses. “My name’s Lydia Griffin. You can google me. I am the author of the Eyes to the Sky series. You can find a frankly terrifying amount of information about me in the blink of the eye. What’s your name?”

“You wrote that?” The girl replied, her eyes widening. “I started reading the first one a few weeks ago.” She realised, quickly, that she looked a little too eager, and tried to shutter her excitement as she did just what Lydia asked - googling her to find Lydia’s authorial portrait. “Holy shit. I’m Emma. Not, that, uh. I don’t know if I fit in with that kind of crowd.”

“That’s alright,” Lydia said, “It’s not that kind of party. Everyone is very welcoming and lovely. We’re always looking for new friends.” Emma’s eyes widened, like she couldn’t quite believe it, trying to play it cool. She looked to Deirdre, as if for a final reassurance. 

Deirdre tried her best to hide her shock at hearing Lydia reveal her identity. Now they really had to ensure to bind her into keeping their identities a secret or...did Lydia plan on killing her after? It wouldn’t be unheard of, and at the whim of the mushrooms, who knew which part of them would emerge dominant. But as she watched the girl’s eyes grow wide, a smile finally threatening to pull at her lips, she could see why. And now they had a name. Great. Now she’d know exactly who she was making hold her mushrooms, probably. And then Emma turned to her. Deirdre hid her hesitation well, but her voice dropped into a newfound gentleness. “It’s nice to meet you, Emma. I’m Deirdre, no fancy job or anything. I actually just met Lydia about a week ago,” she smiled at the other fae warmly to sell her point, “and most of her friends too. Some people there are strangers to me too, but they’ve been so kind and welcoming to me, especially being new in town.” She gestured to her throat, pointing out her accent. “Am I right in guessing you’re interested in literature?” Emma nodded slowly, nearly ashamed to admit it. “Well then, you just have to come. Lydia would love someone whose brain she could pick, right?” She smiled, “and there’ll be a lot of people there with similar interests. I wouldn’t really know, but there’s---uh, other authors, right?” She kept turning to Lydia, as if she needed clarification, reeling Emma in with her feigned hesitation. If one of them was less sure, it made the reluctant Emma more comfortable knowing her fears were shared. And unsurprisingly, she shrugged, biting her cheek to stop a smile. “Okay,” she said finally, “I’ll come.” 

Lydia suppressed the way she bristled at Deirdre’s lie, but the other fae might have just felt the shift of her wings. Not her problem, especially as she watched Deirdre sink the final hooks into Emma, one word at a time. It was almost word perfect too, creating the most perfectly relatable personality. Making herself seem human, even though Lydia knew Deirdre was anything but. She nodded along to Deirdre’s speech, and that in itself twisted Lydia’s belly a little. The moment Emma nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears, Lydia smiled, the ache dissipating. I’ll come, she said, and Lydia turned it into a promise, a thread to pull their prey along by.  “Great,” Lydia said, warm and inviting in tone. “It isn’t far. Walk with us?” She invited Emma, who after another moment rocked off the wall and began to walk with them. Although Deirdre had pitched it as Lydia’s party and Lydia’s crowd, it was Deirdre who had found the fairy ring - Lydia had no idea where it was. Deirdre had to lead them there. 

Emma seemed excited, all hidden the best she could under a stubborn wall. And in the same way, Deirdre felt guilty for what would come, hidden under walls she covered better. She hadn’t expected to feel this poorly about some mischief, but there she was, nearly shaking with reluctance. Was it stronger to swallow this feeling? Or to admit it, end the night, apologize to Lydia and move on? To quell the feeling, she reached out and looped her arm around Emma’s, though the hooks had been set and the promise made, she maintained the act of reeling the woman in--in some way, as an apology for what would come. With her feigned excitement, she led the way for the three of them, out of the well-lit bars, into dimmer streets, then where the forest began. All the while, she made sure to ask Emma questions about herself---superficial at best, lest she dare feel even worse than she already did---and boast about their upcoming party. “It’s just over here, I think?” She led them into the clearing, giddy from the nearby mushrooms, “oh shoot! Did I get us lost again?” She laughed, unable to help herself. The mushrooms were right there. And some part of her, that still maintained any bit of sense, thought it might be good to pretend like they were lost instead of the party not existing. “I swear it was by the mushroom-shaped tree around the mushroom bush into the mushroom?” Deirdre quivered with excitement. Emma looked between the two of them, smiling still from their previous conversation. “Oh, that’s cool, I can just look it up how to get back on my phone and---” As Emma tried to explain, Deirdre reached out and swatted the phone down to the ground, screeching. “Mushro--I mean, spider! Oh, sorry, I thought there was a spider on your phone.” To Lydia, she gestured with her head to the fairy ring, hidden by some long grass. 

Lydia chimed in on the conversation occasionally, with small delicate tidbits or questions to supplement Deirdre’s. The closer they got to the mushrooms, the more Lydia’s inside felt like champagne. Light and fizzy and delicate, sweet and soothing. If she listened carefully, she could already feel that silent, magical music, thrumming through her in complete harmony. Her black dress felt itchy, her boots to encumbering. Lydia wanted to feel mulch and worms beneath her toes, to spread her wings and glow. The moon was just right too. Deirdre smacked the phone out of Emma’s hand, and Lydia made a show of typing something into google on hers before Emma picked her up again. “I’ve got it! Lydia called, holding up her own phone. “This way,” Lydia called, her voice like bells as she pulled Emma deeper into the woods. One, two, three - Lydia nearly moaned as they stepped inside the fairy ring, the magic pure excstacy, “We’re here!”

“I… don’t see a party,” Emma said, looking uncertainly at Deirdre once again, Lydia noticed. And again. Humans were not subtle with their favourites. Lydia laughed.

“Don’t you? Can’t you hear the mushroom music? See all our friends below?” There were gnomes in the circles too, that Lydia pointed to, already kicking off one shoe. “We’re going to have so much fun my dear,” she promised, and smiled against Emma’s cheek, eerily close. ‘Now, my dear, dance for me here.”

Something felt bad in the pit of Deirdre's stomach, like she ate spoiled yogurt. Something about the mushrooms didn't seem right, and with the last of her sense, she opened her mouth to apologize or stop this or—"MUSHROOOOMS!!" she jumped up and down on Emma's phone, cracking the screen before she skipped over to Lydia and joined in the glorious mushroom song. She found the ring with ease, stepping in and feeling all at once the only thing that ever mattered: mushrooms. Here, nothing was wrong. Nothing was ever wrong with mushrooms. "You can't have all the fun without me!" Deirdre laughed giddily, bouncing from one foot to the other. Deirdre kicked her shoes off, peeling off her top with another fluid motion (mushrooms were always better enjoyed in the nude). Emma, on the other hand, was filled with less glee. She moved to dance clunkily, almost as if she didn't want to. "No, No!" Deirdre groaned, grabbing Emma's hands. "You humans dance all bad! Like this!" She demonstrated, pulling her this way or that, light on her feet and expert enough to avoid crushing any gnomes. "These are our friends! Play us some music, Emma!" Emma's eyes grew wide as her lips pursed, she tried to whistle a song, maintaining her pathetic dance routine, but the sound kept cracking as she sobbed silently. "Okay, no more music; your music is sad. You're supposed to be happy! Lydia, why isn't she happy? Is it because she's human?" She turned to her friend, who understood the joy of mushrooms just as she did. 

The first boot off, Lydia quickly kicked it out of the ring, and into the dark. The rhythm thrumed through her, and she laughed at Deirdre, with Deirdre, dancing to the rhythm of the music as she kicked off her next boot. Slide her arms down the length of her body, like she might for a lover, to ruck up her dress and pull it over her head. She giggled, left just in  bra and her underwear as she watched Deirdre pull the human into dance, tried to get her to make the music. “Oh my god, she can’t sing or dance? What kind of fucking human did we pick up. Next time, we’ve gotta pick up a group. Still, I guess we can figure something out.” Emma sobbed, and Lydia smiled as she wiped those ugly tears away. “Don’t cry.” Emma stopped with a strangled gulp, her eyes widening and drying up at once. “Ugh, what a fucking eyesore. C’mon, let’s find you something to do to entertain us. Can you juggle?” Emma shook her head. “Can you try?” A small nod. “Sweet. Here, try with these!” Lydia grinned again, picking up some very conveniently sharp rocks. 

Deirdre tried to pull off her pants, but they were too tight. Why were her pants so tight? And why couldn't she disrobe and dance at the same time? And why did the mushroom music sound like bones being tapped together when there were no bones? Why were there no bones? These questions plagued Deirdre's mind. So she hopped from one foot to the other in her bra and leather pants, insecure about her abundance of clothing. She would have shed the bra if it didn't mean she couldn't wav her arms to the mushroom beat. And then there was Emma, poor, sweet disgustingly human Emma. She tried to juggle, but she was so bad at it. Just like she was bad at dancing and whistling and she was trying so hard not to cry that her face was ugly red and blotchy. She dropped a rock on her foot, wiched and picked it up to juggle again. She dropped it again. Picked it up. Dropped it. Cut her finger on the sharp edge of one of the rocks, spilling blood into their fairy ring. She bit her lip and tried to juggle again. She wanted to cry so badly that she was blubbering now, but her tears wouldn't come. Her cut seemed to grow wider, the rocks were stained with blood as she tossed them around in a mockery of juggling. Deirdre dropped her hands, she didn't like this. The mushrooms didn't like this. "Stop that," she commanded, and Emma dropped her rocks to the floor, causing gnomes to scramble away. She picked up her shirt and wrapped it around Emma's bleeding finger. "Lydia," she whined, "I don't like this human. She makes me feel bad. Like bad on the inside. I can't enjoy the dancing like this! We should have went with the group. Should we get rid of her? I-I'm so sorry, Lydia. I'm so bad at doing things. I'm so sorry. I wanna be good. I try to be good. Why isn't this fun for me? Do I need—maybe I need to be more naked." And now she was crying as she blabbered on. 

Lydia, on the other hand, couldn’t stop laughing, throwing a leaf or twig at Emma every time she dropped it with an inelegant woop. The blood didn’t bother her, humans bled so very easily, and cried and whined and whimpered so very easily.  They always did at these things, unless you kissed them or drugged them, or were just really, really not very risk aware at all, which was common in humans too. She thrust her hips and swung her arms in a wave like shape, the traditional Leanan summer dance. When she glanced at Deirdre through, her movements slowed, and she stepped over her bra to the banshee in some concern. Her leaves mulched between her toes as she walked over to Deirdre, bandaging the human up and stopping it like that. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Deirdre, we can’t go back for the group now. Is it because she’s sad? They’re freaking always sad, Deirdre, they don’t want to be here. That’s half the fun, they’re prey! Is this because of Morgan? Do you want me to take off your bra to make you feel better?”

"Well, I know that but..." Deirdre trailed off, blinking, waiting for Lydia to understand it. "I wish Morgan was here," she mumbled. Things were better with Morgan; she would explain why she was sad, she would understand. Deirdre wished she was dancing the mushroom tune with her. But she wasn't. She was here with Lydia and sad, un-fun Emma. "I don't want them to be sad! It ruins the mushrooms!" Morgan would get it. Deirdre frowned, looking between Emma and her pleading eyes and Lydia and her steady ones. "You're right. I'm just not naked enough for this. Can you take my bra off? I can't reach it right." And her pants too, but she wasn't going to push her luck and ask for that. She spared one last look at sad Emma. "Smile, Emma! Be happy!" She told her, and Emma's red face sported a wide but thin and unnatural smile. "There! See! All better! The mushrooms are pleased! You're so smart, Lydia." 

All the air rushed out of Lydia. The fairy ring cloud was thick in her mind, but now she wasn’t floating above it in a giddy rush so much as stuck beneath it, wondering where the sun had gone. She looked down at the gnomes, swaying and dancing between their ankles. The odd one looked up and gave them a sharp look, as if telling to get with the program. She smiled, snaking her arms around Deirdre to catch the clasp and unfasten it, pulling the straps down Deirdre’s arms and letting that fall to the ground too. “Yeppers, great. Now she’s all happy, so you can take her home and woo her and fall in love with her and adopt a cat with her.” Lydia turned away, her elytra raising sharply, her skin glowing harsh gold under the moonlight. “All I want to do is celebrate not being stuck to someone anymore and all you want is to be back with your barely non-human girlfriend. In a fairy ring! That kinda sucks, Deirdre! Ugh. Let’s just send her into the woods to be eaten by an alghoul and dance, okay? I said, don’t cry!” That was directed at Emma, who had sniffled around her strangely twisted mouth. 

Nudity had finally been achieved...well, half-achieved, as her stubborn, tight pants remained. But Deirdre could work with this now. And Emma was smiling, and everything was okay if she just didn’t look too hard or think too hard or focus on anything that wasn’t dancing. Everything was the way it should be in a fairy ring! Happy and naked and--- “Lydia?” Deirdre reached out for her friend, a hand hovering above her shoulder--pausing as she regarded the wings. “I don’t wanna do any of that. I wanna dance with you.” But it was hard to dance when Lydia wasn’t looking at her. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I won’t talk about Morgan anymore.” Even though, among bones and mushrooms, Morgan was the only thing she really wanted to talk about it. And she couldn’t understand what was wrong. Did Lydia want to adopt a cat with her too? “Let’s dance! Let’s dance!” She reached for her hand, trying to rope her back into some dancing. “You’re so pretty, Lydia. You’re the most beautiful woman---” second to Morgan, and herself, and that mushroom over there and that skeleton she saw a few days ago. “---you have wings! You’re so cool! I look like a stupid human. I look like an Emma!” She gestured to their dumb, useless entertainment meat sack. “I’m sorry I wasn’t dancing. I’m dancing now! Emma, turn around so I can’t look at you.” And Emma did, just as Deirdre tactfully avoided the idea of killing her. Something about that didn’t vibe with the mushrooms, deep inside. “Do you want a cat, Lydia?”

“Hmph!” Lydia replied. “Don’t say things that can be turned into promises you can’t keep. It’s not that you’re even talking about your girlfriend. Its- whatever. Whatever!” Lydia threw her hands up in the air, but turned when Deirdre reached for her hand, into the touch. She didn’t immediately begin to dance, she didn’t want to, not when Deirdre would rather have a zombie in the ring than her, not when she saw the signs of - Lydia swallowed. Nope. Nep. Níl. This was fairy ring magic soaking into her bones, she could let go of such worries. Especially with Deirdre feeding right into her vanity like this, filling her heart with butterflies. “Darling, you never look stupid. I’ve seen your eyes go black and all death predicty, and you’re more beautiful than any of them could ever be.” So why would you date one? Lydia bit the inside of her cheek hard to hold that question back. “No. My pets are already a handful. But you know, I met Beans the other day, he was a real cutie.” She couldn’t help it - the desire to bubble up again was overreaching. Mushrooms broke things down, but brought life too, and it overflowed in her despite the sting she couldn’t repress in the moment. She let Deirdre pull her into dance, squeezing her hand briefly. Lydia spun and turned to Emma, already over the slight from the moment before. “Hey, can you-” No, Deirdre didn’t want that. Lydia rolled her eyes, and turned her attention back to the dance. Waste of a good human. 

“Please don’t make me promise to stop talking about my girlfriend! I like my girlfriend. I like talking about her. She dances really good by the way, and--” Deirdre trailed off, embarrassed. For some reason (Deirdre suspected cat jealousy), Lydia didn’t like hearing about Morgan. Or was it...did Lydia not like Morgan? “Do you have a problem with my girlfriend? ‘Cause you’re being a real H-word right now.” The H-word being human, naturally. “Which means like, you’re confusing me. If you have something to say, you should say it! The mushrooms would want that.” And though this was supposed to be some confessional moment, Deirdre continued her dancing. There was no greater balm for the soul than the mushroom music, after all. “No, you’re really pretty! Like the prettiest! You’re my favorite fae in town. The rest are all so...not cool like you. I love you, and mushrooms, and bones, and pie and---Not you, Emma! I said turn around!” She paused, “we’re doing sooo much talking and not enough dancing, I feel.” Which clearly meant they needed more dancing, and more and more and...what was that? “What?” She giggled her curiosity to Lydia, “what did you want Emma to do?“

“I’m not, obviously, but if you weren’t going to you shouldn’t have said you would!” Lydia retorted. The opportunity to make it a promise would have been as easy as catching a fly in a fridge, but she watched it sail past all the same, until it was much too late to do anything, like any good friend would. The next words out of Deirdre’s mouth made Lydia’s nose flare, her wings flashing brightly and aggressively. “I’M AN H WORD? You’re the one who won’t let me have fun with the human RIGHT here! You’re the one who fell in love with a human! You’re the one who let me find that out from your girlfriend instead of you! We’re standing in a FUCKING FAIRY RING, which are so rare this time of year we probably won’t see another until August, and all you want is to be with your zombie girlfriend! I don’t have a problem with her, I have a problem with you!” Lydia stomped her foot, squelching on some kind of decaying fruit or dead animal remains or probably even human remains in a place like this. She bopped her chest and spun in the music of the mushrooms, and yep, the gnomes were definitely judging them now. “You just told me to say what I feel! I was happy being a fae in a fairy circle, make the human pull out her own hair lock by lock, or dance until she inevitable collapsed of exhaustion and then make her dance more anyway or see whether she can climb a tree without breaking her neck but if you don’t want to see her cry then we won’t freaking do any of that!”

Deirdre crumpled, taking each sentence Lydia flung at her with a wince and a whimper. This was not the mushroom vibe. “I just---” She deflated, curling into herself. “I just wanted to spend time with you, and do something fun. I know you didn’t like people attached to Simon, and I want to get to know you better because you’ve been such a good friend and I just wanna dance naked and--” she sniffled. “It’s weird for me. Humans used to not be people but now they kind of feel like people and I don’t like it and Emma cries really ugly and I don’t want to look at it but I also want to spend time with you and have fun and I want you to have fun and---” she blubbered on, catching a glimpse of the gnomes below, scowling at them the way gnomes did. “Of course I wish Morgan was here, I always wish she was. I like spending time with her. She doesn’t make me feel---” scared, but the word caught in her throat. It wasn’t Lydia’s fault Deirdre was terrified, and she did like spending time with the other fae. But she couldn’t help that something in her had changed, and whatever that was, it was making something about this whole affair very unpleasant. But Lydia’s problem was with her. She was the problem. She didn’t like that. She didn’t like being problems. The desire for approval flared deep within her, and she pulled a knife from her boot and sunk it easily into Emma’s shoulder---garnering a yelp and cry. “We can play with her! I’m sorry. I’ll be good! We can play! Emma, turn around and dance, and don’t say a word unless spoken to.” And Emma, the dutiful entertainment source, did as commanded. 

In normal circumstances, Lydia would have regretted the words the moment the words left her mouth. Normally, she would have never been so extremely honest. Watching Deirdre crumple into herself, shrinking up the way Simon had, made Lydia’s heart ache. Her small hands had curled into fists, hurt and stung by being called the worst thing you could be. People slang words like murderer and evil and manipulative at her from time to time, but no one had ever accused her of being human. No one ever could, not with how she dealt with her diet. “Humans always feel like people. They think like people, too. That doesn’t change what they are, ever.” Her voice was quieter, but still simmering with heat in it. “No shit you like spending time with her, you love her, but this is fae. This belongs to us, no other species! She makes you feel what?” Deirdre bent down as Lydia swivelled her hips in rhythm, her eyes widening when she saw the glint of sharpened metal, reflecting in gold glow. She gasped as Deirdre thrust it into Emma’s shoulder, covering her mouth. A giggle surprised her, followed by another and another, until she was laughing at the sad human’s pain, the grief look of betrayal in Emma’s eyes. Oh, she’d hoped that Deirdre was a nice one. Poor lost Emma. Lydia laughed and took Deirdre’s hands, ignoring the blood, and pulled her into a twisting, spinning dance. Emma didn’t speak, as she… did the Macarena, but the longer she danced, the more her top stuck to her skin and grew shiny as blood trickled out of the wound, worsened by every move of her arm. Her face grew even paler, her movements becoming sluggish. The injured arm dropped to her side, even as Lydia tasked. “Dance faster, girl.”

“But if you think they’re people, how can you---” Deirdre frowned, though she left the topic where it laid. She was too high for this. Too focused on being naked and dancing. She knew the logic well. Humans were inferior, inherently. And they lacked the innocent, simple minds of the animals. And so, they were okay to torture and degrade. Fae were superior, in all regards. But she’d loved a human as her equal, and in doing so, cursed herself with the thought that more humans could be seen that way---even if Morgan was just special. She hadn’t pieced it together completely, and she certainly wasn’t going to try when the mushrooms were singing. “I want to share fae things with her too,” she mumbled, though her words were lost under Lydia’s laughter. That was good, she was laughing. All was forgotten. Deirdre kept her eyes away from the human, laughing along into her spin and dance. Emma struggled, though forced to dance fast, her movements were clunky like a puppet’s strings being haphazardly tossed around. Deirdre couldn’t watch, but didn’t want Lydia to see her remorseful, and so she kept her eyes on the grass under Emma. But these weren’t fae things, she wanted to say, these weren’t the things she wanted to share with Morgan. They were just...cruel. Was this all fae were? The mushroom song seemed to ebb and flow as her mind resisted what was happening around her. For the sake of her sanity, she focused on dancing. Dancing was fun. “Sorry I said you were acting like an H-word, Lydia. I didn’t mean it!” She said, happily enough. “I was just a little sad you weren’t being honest with me. Friends should be honest, right?” Spoken by the liar, as she danced and ignored the pained human. “But we should have fun! Are you having fun now?” Would conversation distract Lydia from torturing Emma? Would it save her pathetic, inherently inferior, human life? 

“I don’t think they’re people. They aren’t.” Lydia replied curtly. Fortunately, all that dissipated with Deirdre in her arms. Even if she was still in those cursed leather jeans which… did make her ass look great, sure, but Lydia was a betting woman. Deirdre’s ass would look great regardless. She spun Deirdre under her arms, shimmying her chest and beating her wings to the beat. Her elytra moved too, an intricate dance only those with beetle like wings could do. God, she was proud of her wings, especially glowing under the moonlight. Unlike Deirdre, she watched Emma keenly, grinning at the absurd obscenity of it all. She wouldn’t have stabbed the girl, far too gross for her liking, but it did add a delightfully macabre element to it, didn’t it? “Friends should be honest, but you weren’t being honest with me, either.” Lydia didn’t point out that she still wasn’t being honest, that Lydia could see how Deirdre turned her head away from Emma, over and over and over. With the mushrooms on her mind, though, Lydia couldn’t bring herself to care, giggling once more as Emma stumbled. And the She fell, clutching her shoulder, her face contorted in fresh waves of pain, but even on the floor, she wriggled like a worm, her body determined to dance even as her strength was failing. “Oh no, I think you broke her.” Lydia said with a laugh.

They were like people, right. Deirdre hid another frown. She had hoped, maybe, that Lydia would see it the way she did. How did she begin to reconcile these things together? And did it matter, in the face of mushrooms? Probably not. And how could they when Lydia looked radiant? “You’re beautiful,” she gasped and then giggled, watching her wings with awe, tinged by envy. She wanted to touch them. She lifted her hand and opened her mouth to ask when Emma fell over. That was bad, right? That was probably bad. But if she went over there, Lydia wouldn’t think she was cool, and that was worse, right? Her morals lost their legs under the mushroom’s influence, she tried to make some part of her stand, but all that was left was the girl who craved to be the kind of fae that Lydia was. But--- “No! She can’t do that! We have to get her to promise not to say anything first!” Deirdre shimmied to her, falling to the floor beside her and groping around for some discarded clothing. She could not remember how medical care worked in her state, but she knew blood was bad. Immobility was bad. “Emma? Stop dancing, Emma.” She couldn’t help while she was writhing. “Listen to the mushrooms, Emma. You need to stay awake to dance and entertain us.” And live, and go home, and pretend like none of this had happened. Deirdre pulled the knife out of her, quickly pressing the discarded shirt to the gushing wound. “What are the promises, Lydia?” She turned to the other fae, “what do we usually make them say? No telling anyone about what happened? No talking about who we are or what we look like? No--D-do we make her forget?” 

Lydia rolled her eyes as Deirdre’s will gave, and she watched her friend rush over to help the writhing, wriggling human. No matter, the mushrooms called and Lydia was more than thrilled to solo with the tiny gnomes. These dances were as old as time itself, which was why she grunted as she jumped from leg to leg, raising each knee to her chest and simultaneously clapping her hands against her other knee. But she stilled with a sigh as Deirdre called to her.  Lydia knelt in the decomposing leaves, her hand cupping Emma’s face. The true terror there wasn’t as fun without another fae to share. “I don’t have the magic to make her forget. Oh well. I’ll do this, you focus on her shoulder. Hey, Emma, pet, you did so well. Would you prefer it if we killed you now, or got you back to town?” Without realising, Lydia had turned to the soft lilting way she spoke to her own humans at some times, gently smoothing down Emma’s blue hair as she smiled at the human. “Darling, I can’t hear you. A little louder, please.”

“T-town.”

“Oh, there we go, that wasn’t so hard, was it. And all we need is three little promises.” Lydia gently wiped the grime off her face, wiping away those nearly dried tears. “Can you do that for me?” A small nod. “I want you to promise that you’ll never tell anyone anything that happened tonight.” 

“I promise.”

“I want you to promise that you’ll never describe Deirdre nor I to anyone in any way, not even via drawing, nor reveal our whereabouts, or indicate anything about us to anyone”

“I-I promise.”

“There. Last one, and this is the hardest. We have complete control of you for the rest of the week if we want it, you know. So what I really want you to do? Is continue as if nothing happened. Go to class, church, book club, whatever it is you usually. Do. Go home like you would after a night in the club, and sleep it off. Do you promise that?” 

Emma groaned in pain, and met Lydia’s eyes for the first time that night. They were an unyielding blue. As impersonal as a statue. “Y-Yes.”

Lydia pat Emma’s hair. “Good girl. Try and stand up, and we’ll walk you back. Right, Deirdre?”

How was Lydia so collected right now? The more Deirdre looked at Emma, the more her head started to swirl into a mushroom. Her foot began to tap a rhythm nervously as Lydia went on. She couldn’t focus, she didn’t want to focus. She wanted to be home, where things were gentle. “You don’t have to---” she croaked, though her sentence did not end. If only she had more sense, she could focus on getting the promises out so Lydia wouldn’t have to. She wanted to have fun, this wasn’t fun. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, her apology directed at both women. “No!” She stood up abruptly, “no, we have to dance! I’m going to make this fun for you! She can walk back, and if she dies on the way, who cares, right? I wanna dance with you. I wanna have fun with you. You’re my friend. She’s not. I don’t want to walk her anywhere!” She pouted, crossing her arms over her bare chest. “It’s dance time! That’s what the mushrooms want.”

It was a relief to hear Deirdre’s protest, that the night wasn’t completely lost. That they wouldn’t have to leave these fine pastures for Deirdre’s bleeding heart. Lydia stood, and so did Emma, clutching at her shoulder. “You heard her, it’s that way, roughly. Don’t follow any dancing light and it you hear something growl, run. Have fun.” Lydia replied with a sharp smile. Emma stared at Deirdre, her lip wobbling. “Now.” As if dragged on a lead, Emma turned and walked away. No, as Lydia watched her, walking was far too generous a word. She stumbled and yelled as she tripped on a branch here, but staggered back up, swaying as she moved forward. Lydia grew bored quickly of watching. Despite all her moods this evening, one was universal. Lydia turned back to Deirdre with a broad smile. “C’mon. It’s time to get you out of those leather pants.”

[kingofthewilderwest]

How do u feel about Mabel

I have an unending sense of adoration for what Mabel contributes to Gravity Falls. Technically, Mabel isn’t a favorite of mine – I don’t think of her or relate to her as much as others like Stan, Ford, Dipper, or Fiddleford. However, my appreciation for her is endless.

Gravity Falls couldn’t exist without Mabel. The story’s heart would be crippled. Mabel’s energy and charm provides a unique personality to the show through her unique personality. The show wouldn’t have the same vibe without her ridiculousness! Plus, GF is a story of familial love. And Mabel, as half of the younger Pines twins duo, is essential to giving us the feels of what it means to be in a loving but emotionally complicated family. They couldn’t have picked a better personality to interact with Dipper and Stan for the narrative’s central trio. The combination of Mabel’s vivacity, Stan’s gruffness, and Dipper’s paranoia… is what sells us on this cast. (With Bill, Soos, Wendy, Ford, Pacifica, Gideon, etc. making great additions.)

That’s already enough to celebrate Mabel, but I can’t say this enough: Mabel is the fulfillment of my greatest wish for women characters:

Let women be weird.

The Limited Scope of Female Personalities in Media

All genders get roped into stereotypical personalities in media, but I feel like women especially get reduced. I struggle relating to and loving fictional women… because they feel like the same restrictive subset of personalities I’ve seen reiterated again and again and again and again and again. 

There’s the rude, prissy, popular rich girl. 

There’s that easygoing cool tomboy. 

There’s the hot, edgy, serious, sexy, COOL, highly skilled badass action woman who is the most hardcore of the main cast, hides a sense of internal empathy and compassion, but warms up from her coldness when she meets the main character lead… and then probably goes and kisses him once he, despite being a rookie, magically manages to best her years of hard training.

*ka-sigh*

Even when a fictional woman doesn’t hit something that cringeworthily stereotypical, she still feels… bland. Fictional characters can be enjoyable exaggerations of personality traits – we have the opportunity to create as weird, ridiculous, or diverse of individuals as we possibly can. And yet usually women aren’t written to be as wild or diverse in their personalities as men. The ladies will probably look standardly pretty, act standardly reasonable, act standardly feminine, and make standard choices. Women characters in a cast often feel the least distinct to me. I’m probably not going to find quirks in my ladies or something that sets them apart from the crowd. Let’s be real: media depicts women according to societal expectation. Women in media are reduced to a washed-out, generic fantasy that doesn’t relate anything to how women feel, nor does it try hard to relate to what women feel.

The writing doesn’t understand women. And I can feel it.

When a bland, stale action woman goes on screen in her hot sexy tight pants, is her presentation supposed to be female empowerment (she’s fighting [gasp!])? Or is it another quick, uninspired shortcut without thinking through what her humanity is? “She fights, she’s a ‘good’ female role model, that’s good enough.” Still caters to the male gaze, still caters to male fantasy for what an attractive woman is like, still doesn’t think through her psychology, still presents media’s “desire” for what women “should” be like.

We drastically need to improve how women are written.

You know what my women friends are like? Women are loud and unashamed belchers. Women crack terrible puns about the French Revolution while everyone boos. Women dress up their stuffed animal cats in goggles and a lab coat. Women geek out over how cute worms are. Women want to kill the opposing team in sports competitions. Women eat food off the floor. Women spend sleepovers watching chick flicks and musicals. Women shriek screamo songs at the top of their lungs, getting maybe a third of the lyrics right, racing through the night in their car twenty miles over the speed limit. Women spend thirty five minutes trying to get the perfect selfie because their hair finally fucking cooperated. Women repeatedly text their friends photos of them flipping the bird making derp faces. Women play beer pong until they’re drunk. Women do unnecessarily complicated mathematics calculations to prove their point in fandom. Women stay up all night screaming murder at first person shooter video games. Women play shitty pop song covers on their tubas. Women spend an hour and a half dyeing their hair pink in the sink (and dye the entire bathroom pink in the process). Women debate the finer points of Immanuel Kant with one another. Women demand their friends dish the details when they hear someone has a new significant other. Women binge watch anime eating frozen dinners heated from the microwave while sobbing out their mascara. Women get crushes on Simba or Kovu from The Lion King. Women work out at gyms because they want to get RIPPED. Women. Are. Diverse. And. Delightfully. QUIRKY.

I know I ranted a long time about it, but the point is to show the difference between what women are (personable and peculiar)… versus the stale bread, watered-down crap we get in the movies.

So this. This is why I will never quit raving about Mabel.

Mabel finally lets us see an ACTUAL GIRL as ACTUAL GIRLS act: she’s delightfully, realistically, over-exaggeratedly, charmingly, unforgettably WEIRD.

Instead of trying to write a “girl” first and getting tied up in the tropes and gender biases, Gravity Falls writes a character who happens to be a girl with some girl traits.

What Makes Mabel Different

Instead of writing some standard bland stereotyping “oh this feels vaguely feminine and attractive” excuse-for-a-cardboard-cutout-of-a-woman… Mabel is given real love, real personality, real demonstration of what women are. After all these years of me suffering in theatres thinking, “Oh look, it’s the same uninspired sexy badass action woman stereotype,” I can finally find a character who’s not what media pretends women should be like. I see a character who the writers actually thought about her personality for!

Gravity Falls allows a woman character to do things I almost never see of women characters.

For starters: Mabel’s gross. She finds leftover tacos in the backseat of the car and decides it’s a perfect snack. She sticks her head into a dusty barrel and laughs when caterpillars crawl over her face. She makes fart sounds and laughs at those fart sounds. She lets a statue pick her nose. She shoves food into her mouth voraciously. She’s animated with wild, ridiculous, non-flattering facial expressions. Gravity Falls allows Mabel to be gross.

This is already amazing to me. Cartoons are a little better than live action movies, where the latter can’t let a woman look imperfect when she’s crying or fighting villains. But cartoons often have limitations for how women are shown, too. It’s refreshing to see a girl who is gross.

And I don’t know about you, but I’d be hard-pressed to name even three other contemporary Western women characters who’re allowed to be girly AND gross. Mabel Pines. Princess Fiona. The list ends there for me? Sometimes I’ll see girls in media dressed with “unruly” appearances – their hair is SLIGHTLY frazzled and they wear glasses (gasp) – but that’s not real grossness, and it’s especially not grossness combined with girliness.

Gravity Falls isn’t afraid to make Mabel both gross and “girly”, and that’s special.

Next, Mabel’s girliness feels authentic. By “girliness” I mean Mabel taking actions according to Western societal gender norms for ciswomen. I don’t mean that’s how girls have to innately be. I hate the idea that people “should” behave according to gender roles and encourage us all to express our individuality. Anyway. Yes, most women in media have girliness to them… but nothing prepared me to seeing a twelve year old girl act like the twelve year old girls I knew.

Mabel loves bright colors, rainbows, unicorns, cute boys, formal dances, boy bands, and looking cute. These are girly traits and girly interests. But the way they show Mabel, Candy, and Grenda bonding over boy talk at a sleepover? That ridiculous, unrestrained screaming, combined with the mischievous grins, is exactly the sort of stuff I grew up with. It’s not just “oh we wrote a girl who likes pink and makeup who gets catty about crushes” – it’s “oh, we wrote a girl who enjoys her girly side like a twelve year old would!”

Gravity Falls allows Mabel to live according to some elements of the gender norm. The show doesn’t tote the idea that people live without gender influence, that people live in a vacuum of culture. It shows people in society often live by some pattern of gender roles. But, the show doesn’t make Mabel be that norm or preach she should be that norm. Honestly, I don’t see many shows try to strike this balance: willing to give characters gender role interests, while still respecting that everyone is unique and doesn’t need to live by those roles. Either the shows completely drop gender roles (which can be refreshing and help us overcome our biases) or they stick too close to assumptions that your gender = your brain, which is backwards thinking.

GF doesn’t lazily pin a character with girly traits because “that’s what women are.” It doesn’t stop at some assumptive “She wears pretty boots.” It understands Mabel’s psychology, lets her express that girliness unrestrained, provides her screen time to live this (!!! screen time to girl time in an all-gender-demographic-show!!!), and allows her to intersect that girliness with her grossness and her weirdness.

Next, Mabel is allowed to be confident and bold. Society isn’t good with women being bold and outspoken yet. Women often get criticized for being bossy, bitchy, obnoxious, etc. when they speak their minds and act with the confidence that men are “allowed” to have in their daily lives. And yet Mabel can be an outspoken and unrestrained character.

It works well for her age, too! 

Last, Mabel is weird. Mabel has quirks. I’ve said this three hundred times and I’ll say it three hundred more, but Mabel being weird is a delight. It’s not often that women are allowed to be the ridiculous comedic side in children’s / family animation. (Yay Ruffnut for also fulfilling this role.) 

Mabel is unrestricted, allowed to be a wild dork on screen. She’ll eat tubes of toothpaste because they’re sparkly, make “Mabel juice” with plastic dinosaurs in the pitchers, dress pigs in costume, knit scratch-and-sniff sweaters, slap stickers on her uncle’s nose, scream for a minute straight before coughing up glitter, dream up the centaurtaur, and more. 

But it’s not just that. It’s her mindset. Mabel’s excitement for things – down to an eight legged cow having “more limbs for hugging” – is a perspective I essentially never see in stories. She’s got a way of looking at the world like no one else I know. It’s a wild, bizarre perspective… but that’s what makes her so good and human. 

Mabel has a “What the heck?” vibe from her, whether it’s her interests, her thought processes, or her choices.

And frankly, that’s so much more relatable, personable, and beautiful to me… than almost any other woman I see on screen in media. When I see Mabel, I can remember what I was like as a kid.

Although I’m non-binary, I didn’t grow up knowing about non-cis gender. I grew up more or less thinking of myself as a little girl. Many of my childhood experiences were with little girls. So, when I look at old photographs of myself, I see someone with unrestrained energy, joy, and weirdness - just like Mabel.

That is what kids are like, guys! That is what kids are like!

Not this weird restricted stereotype on television I see! But THIS.

So yeah. 

Even just from the topic “What does Mabel bring to women’s representation in media,” Mabel is a shooting star. She’s a success. I love it. It’s freeing, exciting, and refreshing to me, being able to see a woman character given this loving treatment. I’m passionate about women being represented well in media, and not in the sense of falsely-portrayed empowerment. Mabel is the glorious three-dimensional, unique, bizarre, memorable type of girl I want!

She’s worth celebrating for all her personality traits, too: her creativity, her energy, her lightheartedness, her love for her family. But that’s content for another essay.

In short: bless Mabel Pines. Bless, bless, bless Mabel Pines.

This is a damn great character.