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#taylor swift meets stranger things: the story of my life somehow??
allyricas · 5 months
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I am now home and fuck, I have so many thoughts about why this song feels like a Nancy anthem!
The who's who of "Who's that?" is poised for the attack But my bare hands paved their paths You don't get to tell me about "sad" If you wanted me dead, you should've just said Nothing makes me feel more alive
There were so many people that were out for blood. From the high school bully level to the goddamn government, Nancy has her enemies. This is apparent right away, but no one gives Nancy more grief than herself. She has so much guilt for Barb, that I believe she will always hold. When Barb goes missing and is presumed dead, everyone besides Jonathan expects her to move on. To keep going like her best friend is not gone- and that had she not walked inside with Steve, Barb may have very well survived. No one else can tell Nancy Wheeler about sad. She is intimately acquainted with grief and pain and sadness.
But...in the midst of all of this, she finds herself. she finds her strength and she turns her sadness into rage. Even when Jon isn't as understanding anymore, she fights her own battles and for what she believes is right. Nothing makes her feel more alive than to fight back.
"Who's afraid of little old me?" You should be The scandal was contained The bullet had just grazed At all costs, keep your good name You don't get to tell me you feel bad Is it a wonder I broke? Let's hear one more joke
And
You caged me and then you called me crazy I am what I am 'cause you trained me
That first time she screams who's afraid of little old me, she is genuinely asking. But that first you should be is a realization of her own power. They should be afraid of her. She is realizing just what she is capable of. Nancy Wheeler fights monsters and wields guns, is willing to do whatever it takes to avenge Barb, to do what is right.
Steve wanted to go back to normal, to pretend like everything was fine because he was scared of his parents reaction. He cares so much about whatever thinks. (at all costs keep your good name, you don't get to tell me you feel bad) He comes through in the end, but nancy felt betrayed by his insistence to carry on. To go to parties and play act like they were in love. Meanwhile, his friends are making fun of her and she knows it. Nancy is very aware of everything going on around her. She breaks. She chooses to right the wrong regardless of the cost to her or her relationships.
I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean "Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth" I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me I'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said? That I'll sue you if you step on my lawn That I'm fearsome and I'm wretched and I'm wrong
The soft, sweet even prim image that Nancy has in the beginning of the show quickly reveals that her truest nature is something much more fierce. She was the quiet bookworm. Hell, she was that person to an extent before trauma transformed her into a woman who is fearsome and wretched and wrong. We see her seek out something to make her world a little less tame and gentle only for her to realize that isn't who she truly is.
Nancy is willing to do whatever it takes avenge Barb, to take out Vecna, to do what she believes must be done. This is without apology and with no concern to what it costs. We see it in her relationships with Steve and Jon. We see it in the way she is the first to suggest going right back into the Upside Down. What is called mean is something else entirely because she is not mean. But she is absolutely fearsome.
I think she realizes how this makes her seem sometimes, but she is a woman on a mission. It is as much a flaw as it is one of her best qualities. The duality of her nature that makes her such an engaging character. She took on the government and won. She shot a monster in the face, dove into a lake knowing the monsters were waiting to just to save a boy who hurt her.
Nancy's is fierce and unrelenting in the face of adversity. She is also deeply caring and willing to fight for those she loves. She is undeniably the woman you want on your team when the world starts falling apart. I think it's unreal how often Nancy gets characterized as being cold or unfeeling. Isn't it clear just how truly the exact opposite she is? She feels and loves with everything. It's why she had such monumental grief and rage. It's also why she is such a good friend.
So, who's afraid of little old me? You should be. Fuck yeah, you should be and Nancy Wheeler unabashedly knows it and I love that for her.
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Mobile Masterlist
ACOTAR:
Triad — An ongoing series of extended Cazriel x Reader headcanons.
Second Choices — Cassian x Reader, angst, friends/fuck buddies to lovers.
Second Chances — Part 2 of Second Choices.
Harry Styles:
One/Two Shots
It’s None of Your Business — Harry loves to tease the audience at his shows, so it’s no surprise that’s what happens when he has some big news to share.
Secret Little Rendezvous — He was a popstar, you were a music reporter, could I make it any more obvious?
Hometown Shows Part 1 — A blast from the past at Love on Tour, Chicago Night 1.
Hometown Shows Part 2 — Your family comes to the show, and Harry has a surprise for you.
Merch Girl — Flirting, jealousy, and M&Ms.
Merch Girl Part 2 — Harry shows you around Nashville on a day off.
Merch Girl Part 3 — One of the tour busses breaks down and…????
Snow Bunny — Teaching Harry to ski in St. Moritz.
Causing Trouble up in Hotel Rooms — Opening for One Direction’s Take Me Home Tour, you get close to Harry and he tries to tell you how he feels.
Enchanted — You attend the 2019 Met Gala and end up next to Harry throughout the night.
We Have to Stop Meeting Like This — You and Harry have maybe too much chemistry when you interview him at the My Policeman premier.
Story of Our Life — What it was like growing up with the world's biggest boyband.
Fine Line Series — COMPLETE!
The moments in your relationship with Harry that inspired each song on Fine Line. New chapter every Thursday!
1. She
1.5. She Instagram Blurb
2. Treat People With Kindness
2.5. TPWK Instagram Blurb
3. Sunflower
3.5 Sunflower Instagram Blurb
4. Canyon Moon
4.5. Canyon Moon Instagram Blurb
5. To Be So Lonely
5.5. To Be So Lonely Instagram Blurb
6. Golden
6.5. Golden Instagram Blurb
7. Fine Line
7.5. Fine Line Instagram Blurb
8. Cherry
8.5 Cherry Instagram Blurb
9. Falling
9.5. Falling Instagram Blurb
10. Adore You
10.5 Adore You Instagram Blurb
11. Watermelon Sugar
11.5 Watermelon Sugar Instagram Blurb
12. Lights Up
12.5 Lights Up Instagram Blurb
Bonus Instagram Blurb! As It Was: Part 1 Part 2
Blurbs
Painted Nails — Or, the history behind Harry Styles’ nail polish obsession.
Euphoria:
Fezco
Fezco’s House Series — COMPLETE!
A mini-series of Fez imagines based on some of the songs from Harry’s House.
Part 1 — Little Freak
Part 2 — Satellite
Part 3 — Matilda
Maddy
she calls me daddy — NSFW!!! You’re new to East Highland and Maddy Perez takes you under her wing.
Outer Banks:
Taylor Swift Album Headcanons — What dating the OBX crew would be like, as told through Taylor Swift albums. Featuring John B, JJ, Pope, Rafe, Topper, Kiara, and Sarah.
Sisters — John B's older sister introduces her brother and his best friend to a few of her favorite things. Alludes to future JJ x Reader.
JJ Maybank
Switzerland — Big John has been missing for months, and tensions are high between John B and his older sister, so she finds comfort in the arms of her brother's best friend.
Summer in July — JJ goes to pick up a friend in need and gets more than he bargained for.
Night Changes — Past, present, and future collide in a conversation with your childhood best friend.
Live While We're Young — No phones, your sneaky link, and a party.
Bejeweled — After mourning the end of a two-and-a-half-year relationship, you're finally ready to get back out there. You get more than you bargained for with some guy.
Attention — In which JJ wants your attention.
Topper Thornton
Vigilante Shit — You're hired to investigate a rich pretty boy and team up with his wife to nail him for his crimes.
Stranger Things:
Robin Buckley
Ice Cream — Scoops Ahoy has a new regular, and somehow Robin keeps finding herself alone with the girl.
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lipstickmarks · 2 years
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You Are In Love - S. R.
Pairing: Lawyer!Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Summary: Glimpses of yours and Steve’s life together, starting with your first meeting. Fluff with 2% angst.  Word Count: 3.5K Warnings: death of a parent, grief, brief mentions of funerals, smut, oral (f receiving), mention of alcohol Inspired by: ‘You Are In Love’ by Taylor Swift
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There was something about weddings. Some dreamy combination of cake, champagne, and romance that made people do crazy things. Groomsmen awkwardly hit on bridesmaids, 19-year-old cousins stole sips of booze when no one was looking, uncles got far too intoxicated, and well-meaning friends shared horribly inappropriate stories.
But how often did people fall in love at weddings?
You were nursing a flute of champagne while the procession announced the bride and groom. The bride was a friend of yours from college and as she danced with her new husband, you glanced across the room and locked eyes with- well, you didn’t know his name but God dammit if you didn’t want to.
He was a stunning specimen. Tall, broad shoulders, classically handsome, a well-trimmed beard and brunette hair. He caught your eye the way a stunning piece of art does- one that you stare at trying to understand its beauty and makes you want to save it forever. Print it out, make it your screensaver, and just try to hold on to this piece of perfection.
His blue eyes were exquisite and they were locked on you. While the newlyweds slow danced to a dreamy ballad, you made your way toward tall, sexy, and handsome.
You moved discreetly so as to not draw attention away from the couple. When you landed in front of him, you realized that you didn’t have a game plan. But thankfully, you didn’t need one.
“Beautiful wedding, isn’t it?” He asked. Thank God weddings came with their own default ice breakers.
“So beautiful. I’m really happy for them.” You said, looking toward your friend.
“How do you know the happy couple?” He asked.
“I was roommates with the bride in college. How about you?”
“I loosely know the groom. My brother works with him. His girlfriend dumped a few weeks ago so he brought me.” He told you.
You frowned.
“Aw, your poor brother.”
He chuckled and gestured toward two people in the back of the ballroom leaning against a pillar and making out.
“I think he’ll be alright.”
You laughed. When you looked back at him, there was an unspoken electricity. There was something magnetic about him.
“But since my brother is already indisposed, I now find myself without a date to dance with.” He said slyly.
Your stomach did a flip at his charming words.
“You want to dance with a perfect stranger?” You challenged playfully.
Without skipping a beat, he stuck his hand out.
“Steve Rogers.”
You laughed as you slipped your hand into his much larger one.
“Y/N.”
“Well, Y/N, now that we are properly acquainted,” He said, gently pulling your champagne out of your hand and setting it on a random table. “Would you do me the honor of being my dance partner?”
Sliding your hand into his, nothing felt more perfect.
The two of you danced through every song but the slow ones were your favorite because you got to be in close proximity to him. Eventually, both of your stomachs demanded you eat and while you shared appetizers, you also shared life stories. Steve told you how he was a lawyer and how his mom raised him and his brother by herself after leaving her abusive husband when Steve was only two years old. That led to him becoming a legal advocate for battered spouses and abused children, which made your heart lurch. Somehow, despite a rough upbringing he was the most comedic and light-hearted person you’d ever met. His jokes had you in stitches all night and he confessed that his guilty pleasure meal was french fries and milkshakes. You felt honored to get such a deep glimpse of him.
And the feeling was mutual. You told him how you were working at a publishing house as an editorial assistant and your parents split up when you were five. You also talked about how you grew up poor and had to go to community college, which sprouted an urge to want to travel the entire world. Normally, sharing such intimate details about your life made your stomach twist into knots but you felt safe sharing with Steve. There wasn’t a single fiber of you that tensed in his company.
You shared a piece of wedding cake and continued telling stories. Some were lighthearted anecdotes and some of them were deep thought-provoking queries about the universe.
The wedding had died down to a dull roar, the bride and groom having left to start their lives together almost an hour ago. You and Steve were the only people remaining that weren’t completely hammered.
“I’m telling you, he’s real!” Steve protested with a laugh.
“He is not!” You cackled. “There’s no such thing as bigfoot.”
Steve had his jacket hung on the chair behind him and the top two buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned. The small tuft of chest hair available to your sight was driving you wild but you kept your attention on what he was saying.
“Oh yeah? How do you know?” He said, bracing his palms on his chair and leaning forward. You two had pressed two chairs together, creating a makeshift bench.
“Because I’ve never seen any bigfoot carcasses in the woods.” You told him. It was cute how passionately he felt about bigfoot. There was a playfulness in his argument but you still adored how he felt so strongly about things so trivial.
“So? I bet you’ve never seen any bear carcasses either. Doesn’t mean they’re not real.” He said proudly.
You opened your mouth to respond but floundered. That logic was actually sound. You’ve never seen a bear carcass nor any footage of them. It might have been the champagne but your entire world suddenly flipped on its head.
When you locked eyes with Steve again, the two of you burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter. The kind that pinches your stomach but makes you feel alive.
Unfortunately, the moment was uninterrupted when the wedding planner approached the two of you and told you that the ballroom would be closing soon and everyone had to file out. You and Steve weren’t bothered though. He stood up, slinging his suit jacket around his shoulder and offering his arm to you. Graciously, you took it.
When you got outside, there was a chill in the air but you didn’t care. That didn’t stop Steve from draping his jacket over your bare shoulders though. You smiled gratefully at him as he hailed a cab.
When the taxi approached, you felt a pit in your stomach. You didn’t want the night to stop. You turned back to Steve and you could see in his eyes that he felt the same. He swallowed and stared at the ground for a few moments before he gently grasped your hands in his.
He leaned his forehead against yours, his eyes fluttering shut.
You were both drinking in the moment, delaying the inevitable goodbye.
“Can I see you again?” His voice was desperate like if you said no, he’d fall apart.
How could you say anything else but yes?
~
In the time you and Steve made a date for the following Thursday, your closet had somehow transformed from an eclectic chic wardrobe into a frumpy mess of horrifying fabrics. Of course, it was your nerves magnifying everything. You wanted this date to go perfectly. After you ripped the last dress you had off of you, you decided you’d be better off buying something new.
$120 dollars and an herbal tea later, you felt better. The dress was a stunning little navy blue number that suited your figure. You kept it in the garment bag hanging on the back of your door. It took everything in you to not put it back on and stare at yourself in it over and over again. When Thursday finally came and you put it on with the rest of your ensemble, you couldn’t help the squeal you let out.
Steve picked you up at your door, and literally looked like someone had knocked him out when he looked at you. He floundered for his words for a moment before he landed on one.
“You look phenomenal.” He said, causing your cheeks to heat up.
You gave him a compliment of the same magnitude and he led you to his car, opening the door up for you. ‘Such a gentleman’, you thought to yourself.
The date was magical. Even though it was just dinner at the Italian bistro near his place, it was like the lightning from your first encounter had struck again. You shared more details about your lives, specifically your work. You told Steve how you wanted to write a book, which he found endlessly fascinating, trying to pry bits of the plot from you (which you had yet to even develop).
He spent the entire date with your hand intertwined with his. He ordered a bottle of wine for the two of you that you polished off in no time. You shared a piece of raspberry chocolate cake for dessert and as you watched him you knew there was no other way the date was going to end.
You had found yourself sliding into his side of the booth, your hand on his chest while he whispered how beautiful you were into your ear.
“You said you only lived a few blocks away right?”
He spent the cab ride with his hand caressing your thigh and he could hardly unlock the door with you attached to his lips. You fell into his bed as easily as you fell asleep and you spent the entire night coaxing each other to earth shattering orgasms well into the wee hours of the morning.
You woke up tangled in his arms with Steve peppering kisses to your jaw and neck.
~
Being Steve’s girlfriend came with many perks. Steve being the main one, of course but it also came with a bouquet of red roses delivered to your office. You cooed as you read the card and sent a text thanking him.
Y/N: I love them, Stevie! Thank you. ♥️
Steve: Anything for you, doll. 😘
It also came with the perk of everyone at his office knowing who you were. You’d be lying if you said you didn't feel a sense of confidence and smugness being known by everyone in the office as Steve’s girl. You knocked on his office door and Steve smiled when he saw you holding a bag of takeout.
“Hey, sweetheart. You’re a sight for sore eyes.” He said as you walked into his embrace. He hugged you tightly and you gave him a sweet kiss.
“I knew you were working through lunch on that Antonoff case so I figured I’d bring you something to eat. You’re not working yourself too hard, are you?” You asked, threading your hands through his hair.
He leaned into your touch and sighed happily.
“I wish I could say no but this case is taking everything out of me. I’m gonna be so happy when we wrap it up on Friday. And then we can spend all weekend together, just like I promised.”
“Looking forward to it, handsome.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll leave you to it.” You turned to leave when something on his desk caught your eye.
It was a picture frame and in it was a picture of you. One that Steve had taken about a month ago when you went sailing and really liked your outfit. You picked the frame up and studied it intensely.
“You keep a picture of me on your desk?”
“Of course. Seeing your face keeps me going. Besides, I want everyone to know how much I love my girl.”
When it registered what he said, his cheeks turned bright pink.
You could cry, you really could. You set the frame down and sat in Steve’s lap, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. You gave him a sweet kiss.
“You love me?”
He touched his forehead to yours.
“I do. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Stevie.”
You smiled, so wide that it hurt. But you didn’t care. You were in love.
~
The smell of warm food woke you up from the most pleasant sleep. You climbed out of bed and walked into the living room where you saw Steve buttering a few pieces of toast. You sidled up next to him and slipped your arms around his waist.
“Smells good.” You mumble into his shoulder.
His chest rumbled with laughter.
“It’s just toast, baby.” He said, pressing a kiss into your hair. “But I do make the best toast this side of Brooklyn.”
“I will be the judge of that.” You say, stealing a piece of toast off the plate and taking a bite.
“Well?”
“Good butter to toast ratio, lightly burned, not too crunchy. I give it a 9.5.” You tell him.
His smile faltered and he pouted at you.
“Only a 9.5?”
“I’ll give you an extra half point if you give me a kiss.” You told him.
“So if I want to make it to the Toast Regionals, I have to sleep with the judge?”
You nodded.
“That’s sex politics for you.”
“Well then,” In one swift movement, Steve snaked an arm around your waist and lifted you up on top of his counter. He wedged his way in between your legs, his abs pressed against your center. He tangled a hand in your hair and pulled you close to him, his lips ghosting over yours. “If that’s what it takes.”
He captured your lips in a passionate kiss, tongue sliding against yours which elicited a moan from you. His fingers danced up your thighs and pulled your underwear down, haphazardly throwing them off to the side. He detached from your lips and kissed down your neck and chest until he was nosing at your entrance.
“Steve.” You said breathlessly. Just his mere presence was dizzying.
“Can I have you, sugar?” He asked, peering up at you through his lashes. The sight of him buried between your thighs had you clenching around nothing.
Biting your lip, you nodded.
Steve smirked and kissed your thighs for a tortuous amount of time before he finally licked a a strip up your entrance. He licked at your folds before slipping his tongue in fully and swirling it around your clit.
The warmth of his tongue and the coldness of the countertop against your ass was an intense sensation. You wound your fingers into Steve’s hair and tugged at his roots.
He smirked against you, able to tell when he was doing something that you really liked. His tongue was merciless as he ate you out, suckling at your clit but only for a moment to draw out your pleasure.
When you started whimpering and your thigh muscles tensed, Steve could tell you were close. Ever the gentleman, he didn’t keep you waiting. He ate you out vigorously, licking into you and holding onto your hips to coax you to your orgasm. When the wave of pleasure finally came over you, he licked up every bit of cum that he had been the cause of.
He took your hands in his and helped you off the counter, onto your feet. Your legs were like jelly though, so you clung to him for support.
He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips.
“How about I run a bath for us, sugar?”
~
Steve felt his blood turn to ice seeing you in your current state. Your eyes were red rimmed and puffy and your breath was coming out in shaky exhales. The two of you stood in the cemetery and he held your hand as silent tears streaked down your cheeks.
“I hate funerals.” You said. It was the first words you had spoken all day.
He frowned and pulled you into him, kissing your hairline.
“I know, sugar.”
You looked up at him with wet eyes.
“Get me out of here.”
He obliged.
He drove you out of town, he didn’t know exactly where he was taking you until a sign for the beach caught his eye. He led you two into a secluded cove where you could sit along some rocks and look out into the ocean.
“Is there anything else I can do for you?” He asked after an appropriate amount of time.
You looked over at him. You had your knees brought up to your chest and had your arms crossed over your knees. You leaned your cheek on your arms and took him in.
“You’re doing it already.” You said, your voice hoarse. “My mom really liked you. One of the last things she said to me was to not let you get away.”
Steve scooted closer to you and slipped an arm around your shoulders, letting you cuddle into him.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
~
Steve paced around the apartment, enough to put a hole in the floor.
“Stevie, it’s only 8:47. You’ve got like 15 more minutes until you get the email.” You said calmly.
“13.” He corrected.
You playfully rolled your eyes as you continued frosting the cinnamon rolls.
An agonizing 17 and a half minutes later, Steve’s phone pinged. He paused mid bite and stared at his phone anxiously. You placed a hand over his.
“It’s gonna be okay. Deep breaths.” You reminded him.
Steve nodded and picked up his phone. He tapped it against his chin a few times before he held it out to you.
“Will you read it for me?”
You gave him a small smile and took the device from him, unlocking it and scanning over the email. Your eyes widened and you grinned at him. His eyes widened but you could tell he needed verbal confirmation.
“You got it.”
“I got it?” He asked breathlessly.
“You got the promotion!”
“I got the promotion!”
Steve barked out a laugh and ran around the island to lift you up in his arms. He spun you around, peppering kisses to your head and thanking you over and over again. You assured him that the job was all him but he reminded you that you were the one keeping him sane while he awaited his boss’ decision.
“Thank you for keeping me calm. I honestly don’t know what I’d ever do without you.”
“Well let’s break out the champagne and toast to never having to find out.” You grinned at him and pulled a bottle from your wine rack and a bottle of OJ out of the fridge.
~
You had never been to Paris and you certainly wouldn’t forget your first trip. You and Steve shared a slow, chaste kiss in front of the Eiffel tower. It was almost midnight but your jet lagged minds could hardly tell.
He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. You always thought that when you got proposed to, you’d scream and run around and be in complete disbelief. But when you caught sight of it, your heart rate didn’t speed up and you didn’t scream because it felt right. Nothing made more sense than you and Steve. You two were a moment in history now, a classic pairing more recognized than tea and sugar. All your friends knew the love you shared, it was glaringly obvious that adoration radiated between the two of you for one another. Promising yourself to him felt like the most natural thing in the world.
He took your hand in his and got down on bended knee, blue eyes boring into yours. He had tears swimming around in his eyes but he wore an easy smile. He didn’t even have to ask to know the answer, but your Steve was a gentleman.
“There’s nothing in or outside of this world that I want besides you. You’re calming when I need peace and you’re an espresso when I need energy. I go to sleep every night dreaming about our future together, how we’ll argue about what color to paint our kids’ nurseries and eventually stop hosting Christmas Eve parties and just take family trips to Aspen instead.”
He opened up the box and nestled inside the fabric was a jaw dropping five carat diamond ring.
“You’ve made me grateful for the life I’ve been given every single day that I’ve known you. I don’t want to exist in a universe where there isn’t an us. I want to be a family, I want us to be together forever. I want us to be absolute, with no question that you were made for me and I, you. Will you marry me?”
It was the simplest question and the simplest answer.
“Yes.”
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dreamcatcherrs · 4 years
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toxic - sapnap x reader
+ this is an entry for the writing competition hosted by @salinesoot​! go and show them some love<3
++ DISCLAIMER; in no way do I claim that sapnap is addicted to any form of drugs. this is all just fiction! with that I hope you enjoy this longer story :)
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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: drug addict/ex-lovers au! addict!sapnap x addict!reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: months after your break-up, nick reaches out to you to put a peaceful ending to the disastrous fall of your relationship. the meet-up is rough; you're not willing to comply with anything he’s saying, and he just can't seem to get over the state he sees you in once he arrives.
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 5.952
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: !ADDICTION! drugs, alcohol, smoking, break-ups, swearing, manipulation (?), abandonment.
I want to put a very big emphasis on addiction, as I don't want to trigger anyone! if you feel in any way uncomfortable with the things listed above, please don't continue reading :) thank you.
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playlist:
save your tears - the weeknd
so high - doja cat
apocalypse - cigarettes after sex
high - sivik
habits - tove lo
champagne problems - taylor swift
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the silence in the room was violent - it lay like a thick fog between you; hard to breathe in, hard to see through. not to mention the rays of sunshine hitting your back through the windows behind you, glowing into his clear eyes and burning you up inside. but not in a nice way - not in the same way that the first intake of the tip of a cigarette would once set to a flame; not in the same way the almost glowing row of white would once going up your nose and through your system. no, this kind of burn felt claustrophobic, not freeing or euphoric at all. it felt awful - but not as awful as his sorry eyes staring over your body like you were the entrance to a pity party.
a quiet flicker sprung from the lighter in your hand, a small flame glowing under the shade of your frame. your brows furrowed slightly as you lifted the lighter to the death stick sat between your lips, silently lighting it and immediately sucking the sweet smoke right into your tired body like it was oxygen to you. removing the cigarette from your lips and letting it hang from your index and middle finger, you blew out the smoke in one big puff, eyes meeting his.
“so... what do you want?” you snarled at your ex-lover, leaning back on your seat on the counter to lean your weight on your right hand - the one without the cigarette -, watching as he inhaled through his mouth slightly, only to quickly close it again once catching some of the smoke in his mouth. he waited till the cloud was gone to speak up;
“can you... not do that in here?” was the first thing he could say to you. one year after leaving you, and that’s the first thing he has to say? it made you scoff, but you chose to put out the cigarette in the ash tray beside you anyways. funny how times can change so quickly.
he cleared his throat before adding; “I don't smoke anymore - I’ve been clean for nine months now.”
the way he said it with such pride, such happiness - it angered you. was it because you were the one sitting in the dust and ashes of addiction, and not him? well, you both knew it wasn't. or at least he would if he had a sense of memory, which you guessed he had.
all you could do was raise your eyebrows at his words, arms crossing over your chest after bouncing off the kitchen counter. “I asked you a question nick - not for an update of your wonderful life,” you spat, squinting your eyes at him. his eyes somehow softened, and you just hated to see it. because you knew it made your heart beat just a little bit faster. you knew it brung back memories that you both despised and at the same time absolutely loved to have.
he moved away from the fridge he had been leaning his back against, scratching the back of his neck as he looked at the ground instead of your eyes.
“I came to apologise.”
“for what?”
“for… everything.”
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it was at the biggest college party of the year for newcomers that he met you.
he was high. he’d spotted you in the crowd, looking like a lost puppy. was that what made him come to you? no, but he couldn’t deny the fact that your innocent complex caught his attention. throughout the night, his eyes would gaze away from the conversation he had with his friends and over to you, and after a nice two rows of heroin through his nostrils, bubbling his blood and dilating his pupils, was when he noticed the guy approaching you. grabbing you, twirling your hair around his finger when you were clearly uncomfortable with it. and as if he hadn't already had about 3 already, he chugged a whole can of beer all in one go, before pushing himself out of the chair he was sat in. clay and george mumbled something in drunk behind him that his ears blocked out anyway as he moved towards the douche in front of you, combing a had through his hair.
he made it to you just as the guy grabbed your thigh with his rough, dirty fingers that god knows where had been, and with complete fury and the world spinning around him, nick grabbed the guy by his shoulder, turning him around to be met with his fist. when the realisation hit you, you visibly gasped (not that he could hear it over the loud music or the ringing in his ears), watching in shock as the guy stumbled back into the cupboard behind him, hand reaching up to grab his eye. the people around you seemed to notice as well, some stepping back a little in shock, some taking photos, some laughing and wooing for more. when nick noticed that the guy was about to get up again, and to his knowledge about to throw some punches back at him, he quickly grabbed you by the waist, pulling you to his side.
“get your filthy hands off my s/o,” he snarled, drunkenly and not very intimidating, but still made for a good effort. he didn't notice the way you'd tried to hide your disgust when smelling his alcoholic breath and his scent of weed - everything was hard to pay close detail to when in a drunken state like his.
to nick’s surprise, the guy, who by the was was way bigger than him and could probably easily take him down in one hit, backs away with a bleeding nose, and everyone else returns to partying as normal.
he turns to you, and you’re blushing. either that or you’ve just taken 10 shots in a row, but that was clearly not the case. your lips moved, but he would have to have the most powerful ears to be able to hear you over the loud music pumping through his body. so instead he leans down, lips hovering by your ear.
“what?” he slurred, loud enough for you to hear, and as if your cheeks weren’t already burning, his close proximity to you sure didn’t help. from behind, a couple of giggling girls shoved into him to get over to the counter filled with alcohol, causing him to push you further against the cupboard. his hand landed on your hip in reflex, preventing him from literally falling into you.
quickly you uttered out into his ear, louder this time; “I- I said thank you,” and closed your eyes tightly in embarrassment, because why did you have to stutter? and why did this drunk mess of a guy have to be so goddamn attractive?
he took a step back, letting his hands fall with him. he looked back at his friends - clay glancing over at him, laughing confusedly, while george was busy downing a shot with karl. he ignored clay’s signal to come back to the table, and instead leaned over to your ear again.
“you wanna get out of here?”
your eyes widened. why did this complete stranger want to leave one of the biggest parties with you? it would be stupid to say yes, yet something in you strived to know what the night could turn out like if you did. it’s not like you had much fun anyway, and what the hell, your life isn’t one filled with surprises, so what was one night filled with them gonna change?
“so... you’re a first year’er?” nick inhaled deeply, the smoke from the blunt of weed between his lips going straight to his head. you nervously scratched your elbow, kicking a harmless rock that was in the way of your path as you nodded. the smell from the stick of weed in his hand went through your nostrils, tickling your nose in a not-so-pleasant way. you chose to ignore this though, not wanting to seem fussy.
“yeah. but parties are not really my forte, in case you hadn’t noticed,” you laughed quietly, folding your arms over your chest when a cold breeze fanned your body. he turned to look at you with slightly squinted eyes, taking in your sober self.
“well, have you ever tried weed? cause I’ll tell you; everything can be a party with this shit.” he laughed at himself, sucking in smoke once again from the blunt, before turning to see you shake your head. he suddenly passed it in your direction. you stared down at it, a trail of smoke rising from the tip of it, before looking at him again. “wanna try?”
he didn't look too bothered wether you said yes or no - just high and drunk out of his mind, which actually made him look kinda peaceful and… cute? what the fuck. you shrugged your shoulders, grabbing the stick of weed from between his fingers. it was the start of college - everyone does this, right?
“do I just… inhale?” you asked, clearly a rookie and non-professional weed-smoker. he chuckled, stopping in his tracks, making you stop as well, as he fished out something from the pocket of his jacket; a lighter.
“yeah, you just gotta light it again cause of the wind. just treat it like a cig.” you raised your eyebrow at him, watching as he stepped closer to you with the lighter, waiting for you to put the blunt between your lips, and when you didn't was when he noticed your confusion and raised eyebrow. he looked shocked. “you've never smoked a cigarette before?” you shook your head, swinging your arms along with their place inside the pockets of your jacket, a lopsided smile forming on your face. his eyes widened further. “drugs? alcohol? nothing?” you gave an innocent smile, flashing your teeth at him as you shook your head. he raised his eyebrows. “damn. well, it’s no shocker to me that you don't like parties then. you've never tried real partying.”
he softly took the blunt from your hand, gesturing for you to open your mouth, before tucking it between your parted lips. he moved closer to you, close enough so he could focus on protecting the flame from the wind using his hand, and holding the lighter up to the tip of the weed stick. “this’ll be fun,” he mumbled to himself, igniting the lighter. “now you just inhale and then eventually blow out the smoke. it might burn to start with, but fuck does it feel good afterwards.”
you did as he said, squinting your eyes as you inhaled the smoke, feeling your throat burn with every passing second you of inhaling, and before you had the chance to blow it into a cloud casually, you coughed out all of the smoke, choking on the pure taste and burn of weed. he chuckled lightly, patting your back gently as he watched you gasp for fresh air.
“alright alright, not too bad.” he took the blunt once you handed it over to him again, easily inhaling the smoke like it was nothing to him, before blowing it out into the fresh september air in different sizes of ‘o’s. you watched in amazement as he did so, wondering how long you’d have to smoke for, for a person to be able to do that. your guess was quite a while.
he handed it over to you again, encouraging you to take it. you did. “here, keep it.” he sent you a dopey smile, watching as you took it. you placed it in your mouth just as the wind passed through you again, making your body shiver very obviously. you were stupid to not bring a jacket. in your defense, you thought that you wouldn’t have stayed long at that party anyway; not that you’d be here, walking through an empty playground with a stranger. well, not a stranger anymore - nick was his name, as you’d come to learn.
he noticed your freezing self as you inhaled again, the smoke making you cough again even when you tried your hardest not to. busy getting your oxygen under control, you didn’t notice him taking off his leather jacket before it hung heavy on your shoulders, immediately giving warming you up from the body warmth it had consumed from him.
you moved the stick out of your mouth, looking at him with a raised eyebrow, trying to play his gesture off cool. “what are you doing? you’ll freeze.”
he scoffed playfully, inhaling the fresh smell of the cool air. “I’m drunk out of my mind right now. you think I even think about what temperature it is right now?” you giggled at that. it was crazy how your cheeks were able to grow so warm despite the cold breeze flushing over you constantly, hands tugging the jacket tighter to yourself.
“thank you,” you quietly said, a small smile spreading across your face. your head started feeling empty - a good kind of empty, causing you to smile even more without even noticing. the sudden release of dopamine in your brain was causing you to feel lighter - that’s what it was, you thought.
without realising, your eyes had been closed and you’d stopped walking anymore, just taking in the feeling and the nice, fresh air hitting your skin in small waves. you felt a hand on your back, and then heard a quiet laugh from beside you. you turned in the direction, opening your eyes and smiled up at the handsome creature of a male in front of you. he smiled along with you, looking into your clouded eyes with his reddened ones, placing his hands on your neck softly.
he started laughing. and you started laughing. you placed your hands on top of his, leaning in closer to get a better look at his eyes. they looked like a cave filled with shiny crystals if you looked close enough. and you’d still be looking into them when he kissed you if he hadn’t closed them.
it was mainly a very toothy kiss, your white pearls clanging together as your smiles stayed on your faces throughout the kiss. when he pushed his tongue in between them though, they slightly faltered, and your hands flew up to hold his face in your hands as he started kissing you harder and with additional sloppiness.
you pulled away to catch your breath, and before he had the chance to lean in for a second kiss, you placed the marijuana between your lips, spending him a playful smile as you sucked in the burning smoke.
were you high or were you just crazy about this guy that you barely even knew? at that very moment you felt that the answer was both.
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your brows furrowed. he actually looked… sorry? you weren't sure if you were willing to hear what he had to say - after all he’d put you through. but… something made you listen. something made you wanna give him the chance to speak up. maybe it was the soft spot you had for him in you heart, that you so badly wanted to deny yourself was there.
“look… I know I’m the reason you've ended up like this. I’m the reason you can't even let go of that pack of cigarettes in your hand. and I can't stop thinking about that every single day. I- I ruined you, y/n. and I realise- well, I’ve realised this a long time ago - I just left you here to rot. all alone. I fucked you up, and left you to deal with it all alone. and I’m really fucking sorry about that. I treated you so badly and got you into things you probably wouldn't have gotten into if you'd never met me...” he trailed off, a solemn look in his eyes, almost glowing as they stared compassionately into yours.
you broke away from them, a soft frown on your face as they trailed off to the wine shelf stacked with bottles of alcohol behind him. he was right. you knew he was. but it didn’t explain why he came here. to seek your sympathy? for you to accept his apology? to give him that form of closure? you weren’t really sure if he deserved that.
he saw the look on your face, and figured he’d continue; “I don’t expect you to accept my apology or... stop being mad at me. I just wanted to come here to finish things the right way instead of the way we left it. well, the way I left it.” all of a sudden he stopped in his tracks, eyes focused on your arm. his eyes widened once noticing the bruise on the inside of your elbow, clearly from some type of syringe or needle. he would know what that looked like.
he took swift steps towards you, grabbing your arm in shock. you were worse than he had thought. you looked down in shame when his eyes tried meeting yours.
“y/n,” he said seriously, very carefully rubbing his thumb across the mark. “you need help. like, serious help. you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
with that, you tore your arm away from him, staring into his eyes with your eyebrows furrowed and teary-eyed. “why do you care? since when did you ever care, nick? I don’t understand why you’re here - you don’t really want to help me.” you stepped away from him, heading over to the pile of ashes from the previously smoked cigarettes to get another one, but were stopped by his hand grabbing your arm.
he hugged you.
you sobbed into his shoulder,
and hugged him back.
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you swallowed a big gulp of air, craning your neck as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. a pleasurable smile appeared on your face, the sweet feeling of cocaine rushing through your system being the cause of it. you lay down on the flat rooftop of the college gym, inhaling the smoke from the already ignited cigarette between your two fingers. you blew the smoke out into the air in small rings, like nick had showed you, happily succeeding in it. needless to say, you'd done it for what felt like a million times before.
nick grabbed your hand from his place on the roof beside you. you turned your head to look at him, squeezing his hand in the process. he moved closer to you, lifting your hand to his lips before placing a wet kiss onto the back of it. he gestured for you to place the cigarette between his lips, and you did so, holding it in place as he inhaled the smoke like you had. when you moved the cigarette away from him though, he pushed you closer to him by the back of your neck, placing this lips on yours in time for him to blow the smoke from his mouth into yours, catching you by surprise.
you waited till he’d moved away again to blow the smoke out, turning your head as you did so so that he wouldn’t get it in his face. he laughed at the way your eyes had widened, leaning over you to place a kiss on your flush cheek.
“did you like that?” he asked with a raspy voice, followed by a giggle and still holding your hand in his as he clung it to his chest. you looked up at him with a pouty smile, watching as his eyes crinkled at your soundless response.
“you know… we’re probably not allowed up here,” you muttered, tracing figures onto his palm
“yeah, we’re not allowed many things. including all of this cocaine, but I don't plan on stopping,” he replied nonchalantly, clawing up some of the white, illuminating powder onto his finger, sniffing it up his nose with one large inhale, before exhaling deeply in satisfaction. you watched as he did so, and it made your chest turn. something about this felt wrong all of a sudden. you felt bad, ashamed to even be sat on a roof at 2 am, doing drugs and smoking weed, when you really came here to study and make friends.
your thoughts did not just swim away once he started leaving small little pecks onto your neck, hair tickling your jawline with bubbly giggles flying past his lips. you gently pushed him off, letting go of his hand and standing up from the rooftop. your sudden distress did not go unnoticed by nick, though, and he stood up with you, stumbling, but standing, watching as you threw the remains of the cigarette onto the ground, and looked off onto your campus with a clenched jaw and stern look on your face.
nick was confused, and a little uncertain with what he should do. you'd never acted like something was wrong before, so he didn’t exactly know what to do in this type of situation. all he could do was walk over to you, standing by your side as he looked off into the same direction as you. his eyes glanced over to you every now and then, chewing on what to say exactly. he tried saying something, but stopped himself before he had the chance to even let out a squeak.
“is.. what- argh. did I do something wrong?” he finally spoke, frustrated with his own form of speech. you turned your head to him, your small smile causing relief to rush through his body. when you responded with a ‘no’, he felt a little better, but that still didn’t stop him from seeing right through that smile and into your worried self. “well, what's wrong then?”
what's wrong? you almost wanted to ask yourself that question. why would you want to ruin such a nice moment with him just because of some doubt? maybe it was because you thought that all good things wouldn't last, and that whatever this was between you was too good to be true. or maybe it was the fact that you could feel your lungs set on fire just thinking of every bad thing you’d consumed into your previously healthy body, head feeling empty, but at the same time heavy enough to keep all of the bad things inside of it to weigh down on you. maybe it was because you'd never felt so unlike yourself before as you do now, and you weren't so sure if that was a good thing anymore.
when you told him this (well, the parts about the drugs, not your feelings), he sighed heavily, placing a hand on your shoulder to fully turn you to face him. “y/n,” he started, moving his hand up to your cheek and brushing his thumb over your cheekbone, sending you a lopsided grin. “you're overthinking too much.” you raised your eyebrows slightly, looking at him with a mix of confusion and hope in your eyes. he continued; “we’re just having fun. there’s noting wrong with that! isn’t that what college is all about?”
he did his best to assure you that nothing was wrong, and it seemed to be working. you eased up - he could feel it -, yet you still had that worried expression stuck on your face, and he knew he had to do something to change that. he kissed you softly, cold nose touching yours in the process. you couldn’t help but to kiss him back, placing your hands on the sides of his neck as you closed your eyes tightly, wanting nothing more than to get lost in his lips.
when he pulled away, the tip of his index finger lightly bopped your nose, causing the very least of a smile to form on your face. that made him smile. “don’t worry, baby,” he assured you, kissing your forehead before fishing the metallic circle-shaped box out of his pocket, offering you some of the addicting white powder by handing it to you. “we’re in this together.”
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his phone buzzed on the coffee table, the waves of vibrations feeling as if they filled up the entire room. someone was calling him, and you only just managed to see that the caller ID was someone named “rose” before he dismissed the call. as far as you could remember, he’d never even met someone by that name.
he put his phone in his pocket, doing up the zipper before staring across the table and over to you again. his brushing off didn’t help your curiosity from spilling out. “aren’t you gonna get that?” you questioned, wiping the wetness on your cheeks away fully from your previous outburst of tears. you could still see the tear stains on his shirt.
he shook his head. “I have more important matters right now.” your heart warmed at his words and you hated to feel that. of course you’d been on his social media since your break-up - you knew very well that the girl calling was his new girlfriend. and as much as you hated yourself for feeling it, you couldn’t help the jealousy from flaming up inside of you. you decided to hold back from saying more about it, though, knowing that it would just be your hurt and anger talking.
he stared at you for a while with droopy puppy eyes, and it made you hate this moment even more, moving around in your seat to distract yourself from the situation. but then his hand was on yours, squeezing gently like he’d done so many times before. you tried not looking into his eyes, cause you knew it’d make you weaker, but it was so damn hard when all you could feel was his eyes burning into your skin, the pity from him seeping right into you. it made you feel awful.
“I want to help you, y/n. get you out of this shithole I put you in in the first place,” he explained lowly, rubbing his thumb across the back of your hand. tingles trickled up your arm and down your spine, a knot forming in your stomach. you looked down at the table, away from him. “I still care for you, you know?” he gave your hand a squeeze, wanting you to look at him again.
you didn’t.
he sighed.
letting go of your hand, he stood up from the chair. your eyes followed him as he walked over to your side of the table, pulling out the chair that was right beside you and taking a seat on it. he looked at you for a while, taking in the way you looked.
your eyes were bloodshot, red streaks coming out from the beautiful crystal in the middle of your eye. those deep and dark bags under your eyes weren’t there before, the cause of them being so very obvious. you were thinner, frail, weak. you looked as if you would break if he as much as lay a finger on you - like you’d turn to dust if he tried reaching out to you. if he tried to save you. it was soul-crushing to see you in this state. he couldn’t believe he’d done this to you.
you noticed his staring. he didn’t care. you needed to know this had gone too far, even if he was the cause of it.
he pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulling up a list of names and numbers on his phone from his contacts. he gave you his phone.
“these are the places I went to when I tried getting clean. it’d be no problem getting you in there. you just have to try. have to want the help. that’s all I ask from you.” you scrolled through the contacts slowly, like it’d make a difference to the foreign names on the screen.
“nick, I-,” you sighed and shook your head. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“of course you can,” he assured you, grabbing your hand once again. you turned your head to him, heart pumping louder in your chest as you stared at him. you missed him, you realised. “you won’t be alone.”
it all happened so fast.
you pulled him to you by his hand, yours coming up to grab his cheek softly to simultaneously pull his face to yours, closing your pained eyes tightly and-
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“what are you doing?”
your voice boomed through the dark room. you stood with crossed arms and a tired look on your face, having just woken up by the rustling coming from the living room, only to find your boyfriend packing his stuff with tear-stained cheeks. worry shot through your tired body as you watched him halt, staring back at you with a startled expression on his face.
“y/n? wh-why are you awake?” he quickly shoved a shirt of his into the duffel bag in his hands, running a hand through his hair as he looked at you with baggy eyes.
your eyebrows furrowed. you knew what this looked like, and you realised exactly what was happening. he was leaving you. he’d been distant for the past few weeks, but you never thought it was because of you. you thought that, maybe, it was just a phase. because, he would never really leave you. would he?
you took a step towards him. “nick are you… leaving me?” you could feel the tears well up in your eyes when you heard yourself say it out loud. you felt like you’d just been hit by a truck, lungs failing and body crashing down. you didn’t understand. you didn’t understand at all.
he didnt answer, just looked down in shame? sorrow? you didn’t care. how could he leave you? how could he? you wanted to pinch yourself to wake up from this horrible dream- no. from this nightmare. but this wasn’t just a nightmare - it was reality. this was really happening.
“I-I don't understand, nick. don't you l-love me?” you sobbed, feeling your wet tears trickle down your face. here they came. the tears you hadn’t cried for so long now.
he softened up at the sight of you crying, wanting so badly to hug you, comfort you, but knowing that he couldn’t let himself. he had to leave somehow. leave this town, this drug-filled life. he had to escape it, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to with you.
“I can't stay here, y/n. I have to go,” he muttered lowly, grabbing his headphones from the coffee table and stuffing them into the bag as well. he started packing again.
“wh-why? I thought things were good between us?”
“they're not, y/n!” he yelled suddenly, causing you to step back slightly. he turned to you, a wild look on his face as his arms flailed around in the air. “I’m sick of only being able to feel good because I’m drugged up or drunk. I’m getting clean.”
he packed the last couple of things into the bag, scanning the room quickly to make sure he got most of it with him, before taking haste steps over to grab his jacket from the coat hanger. you followed after him with just as fast steps, heart beating out of your chest. was this the last time you were gonna see him? no. you refused to believe that.
“b-but you can't just leave me!” you pulled at his arm, tugging him over in your direction as he struggled to slide his leather jacket on. he looked at you for a moment, chest heaving slightly from the bad feeling he had inside of him.
“if you're not gonna let me leave, then you have to.”
you looked at him with pure shock and anger- the audacity. he sighed, calming himself down before continuing; “if you still love me you’d leave.”
you shook your head, angrily shoving a finger at his chest. “you got me into this mess in the first place! you’re the reason I’ve ended up like this! and you want me to leave?” you scoffed at his words, yelling out yours in rage as tears of frustration kept falling from your eyes.
he sighed, brows furrowed and a sad expression stuck on his face as he looked at the ground. “I’m sorry, y/n. I can't do this anymore.” he turned to grab the doorknob, and your eyes widened with the movement.
“you can't do this to me nick!,” you clawed at his arm, dragging him backwards, away from the door. but he was stronger than your weak body and easily pushed you away from him to get access to the door. you hit his back with your fists, crying out in anger as you did so.
“you bastard! you can't just leave me here!” he stayed quiet as he rushed out of the door, not even looking back as he made it out of the door, escaping your grasp on him. you sobbed even louder, walking out of the door to follow his body with your eyes as you collapsed to the ground. “I hate you! I fucking hate you, you hear me?”
nick silently cried as his back hit the elevator wall, the doors closing in front of him as he made his way downwards to the entrance of the apartment complex. what had he just done? he placed a hand over his mouth, wide eyes staring into thin air in shock. nick’s only ever done what he was raised to think was right. it’s not his fault, right?
it’s not.
it’s not.
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for a moment, you kissed.
did he not pull away because his feelings for you were still there somewhere in the depts of him? or because he was so shocked that he was unable to think straight enough to pull away? honestly, he couldn’t tell.
but alas, he pushed you off. and all he could do was look at you, baffled, confused and feeling more lost than ever. “y/n…” he trailed off, watching as you stared back at him with wide eyes and red lips from the kiss, almost looking as if you were just as shocked as him.
“I’m… I’m happy now. without the drugs, without the alcohol, without the cigarettes. I’m with someone else now, y/n,” he mumbled quietly, hands still pressed against your shoulders as he stared at your plump lips in a flustered state. he sighed. “we can't be together, y/n. not like this.” he didn’t specify “like what”, but his eyes staring up and down your form clearly showed what he meant. you knew that already, but it still hurt you. it still hurt you that he’d moved on and you hadn't - that he was away from all of the things you now lived off of. it hurt you that he was able to find happiness without you.
he lifted your head up by your chin, and you hadn't even noticed that you were looking at the ground, and got to eye-level with you. his eyes were soft (when weren't they?) and this time, he looked like he was pleading, begging for you to hear him instead of denying him. “I want you to be happy, too. that’s why I’m trying to help you. if only you’d let me?”
your eyes dropped to the ground again, brows furrowing in thought. should you? should you let him into your heart again? into your shitty life? what if he just ended up leaving you again like he’d done before? breaking your heart into a million pieces this time instead of just two? you looked up at him again, biting down on your bottom as you made your final choice.
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luvspence · 4 years
Text
master list!
i basically only write fluff. if it’s anything else it’ll be specified
most if not all are spencer reid x fem! reader
wanna be on my tag list?
ongoing stuff:
reid’s (camera) roll - some pictures that somehow end up in your camera roll, and the stories behind them
reid one shots:
{ <3 = my faves }
under hugs - an extremely fluffy cuddle blurb
perhaps you have a crush on me? - spencer had a crush on a very intimidating bau member <3
un-platonic - you cant figure out if spencer loves her platonically or other wise
sleepyheads- you and spencer baby sit henry!
are you flirting with me?- continuation of perhaps you have a crush on me, spencer is gaining some confidence with his intimidating office crush
rainy days - cold, rainy, and lazy days with spencer
dandelions - spencer and you are spending a sunny day in the park <3
my plus one - spencer pretends to be your boyfriend for a night, although their may or may not be secret feelings involved <3
rain sounds - you find spencer in the back seat of his car reading alone
mornings - spencer doesn’t wanna wake you up
favorite florist- spencer develops an affinity for the local florist <3
vision impaired- spencer and you both wear glasses, and these are the little things that happen
girl scout cookies- spencer has a soft spot for children and simple carbs <3
roommates I, II, III, IV, domestic and platonic (ish) life with everyones fav genuis <3
roommates (valentines edition)- a pretty platonic valentine’s day, pretty platonic
double dates - your best friend drags you on a double date, to your surprise, he’s really cute
too invested - you fake date spencer to make your ex jealous. so what you have a small crush on spencer, no harm no foul, right?
sleepy - insomniacs? am i right?
ammonium lauryl sulfate - wholesome showering with spencer (just fluff)
late nights - waiting up for spencer
revenge prank- spencer wages a prank war on a guy who just won’t leave you alone
domestic life - mini blurbs abt domestic life with spencer, of the romantic and non variety
lip stick- you’re a big lip stick fan, and spencers a big fan of you <3
neptune and back- simple and pure love with spencer reid <3
contact names- a love story told through contact names <3
sleeping habits- insomniacs, but not when they’re together <3
i’ve never met anyone quite like you- you are very unique to spencer, in the very best way <3
dropping notes - non verbal communication with the curly haired stranger at the north end of the library <3
haircuts - spence gives you a haircut
darling, you’re the one i want - some little mini blurbs based off of paper rings by taylor swift
prom night- you and spencer both missed your high school proms, maybe this makes up for it?
shared jackets- spencer graciously lends you his jacket as an act of hopeless romanticism and friendship, little does he know you’re in love with him as much as he is with you <3
inbox blurbs!:
🪐: bit of an angsty comforts tune? you are staying at the bau for safety reasons, and spencers presence is comforting
🦢 🧪 : sleepy spence
✨🌀: spencer unknowingly meets a new bau applicant
🦢🏵: another angsty number, spencer doesn’t come home when he says he will
🦢‼️: borrowing spencer’s clothes
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heartbeat on the high line / fred weasley
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unresolved angst for freddie because i felt like it <3
summary: fred broke your heart a long time ago and a walk through diagon alley brings up old memories for the both of you
word count: 2.9 k
warnings: post-war timeline, mentions of torture sort of?, mentions of being underweight because of said torture, fluff sort of if you squint?, angst, open ended, tiny mention of death, let me know if i missed anything!! <3
let me know what you think <3
this is based on the song “cardigan” by taylor swift but it’s not a song fic <3
Skies of dark grey released heavy sheets of rain onto the cobblestone streets below, the pitter-patter of the torrential downpour barely muted the sound of your high heels against the all too familiar stone street. A stark black umbrella held primly above your head shielded you from the typical English weather as you strutted through Diagon Alley.
Truthfully, you hadn’t planned on showing your face in the magical hotspot, not so soon after the war anyway. Years worth of memories haunted every twist and turn of the street you seemed to own in the moment, light grey stones darkened and slick from the rain completely devoid of any feet other than your own.
You recalled all of the significant moments, each bookmarked by a certain area of the various alleys. Flourish & Blotts; where you’d met your first love all those years ago, at the age of eleven you’d been so bright eyed and sure of the future, sure of him. In the distance you could make out the bright orange exterior of Weasleys’ Wizard wheezes; where you’d walked away from your first love, all those years later however not so long ago that the sight of his legacy, as vibrant and joy inducing as it always had been, didn’t elicit an uncomfortable pang to spring in your chest. As you progressed past Olivander’s, your lips quirked up ever so slightly as the aging paint of the shop expelled all misconceptions you had about the boy who still haunted all of your “What If?”s, the lightly rusting windows screaming at you as if to remind you that, actually, he hadn’t been your first love. Olivander’s Wand Shop had been the true site of your first love and you’d found that first taste of true, pure, untainted love in the form of your phoenix feather core, thirteen inch, English oak wand.
A wistful giggle left your lips, your feet unmoving, rain lashing down aggressively and sliding off the edges of your umbrella, creating streams of water that fell around you but never got close enough to you to so much as dampen your outfit. Losing yourself in the joy of recalling how happy you’d been upon being chosen by your fateful wand, you failed to notice the familiar frame who had made his way to the doorway of the shop. The creaking of the old door pulled you from your thoughts, a dazzlingly grin broke out on your face as Mr. Olivander himself leant against his propped open door, keeping himself dry inside the comfort of his warm shop.
A grin similar to yours adorned his lips as he called out rather loudly over the rain, “I do recall that smile getting you out of quite a bit of trouble, back in your Hogwarts days,” your smile only widened at his recollection.
“To this day it’s the secret to my success,” you beamed jokingly as Olivander shook his head and released a low chuckle. He had no doubt that you’d be going places, ever since the first moment he’d clapped eyes on you he knew you were destined for success, of course, it was also no wonder that bewitching smile of yours had helped you get there. Like your wand; you chose your company carefully, held nothing but passion for the things you craved, were fiercely determined and surprisingly flexible without breaking your morals.
“I also recall thinking you’d grow up to become one of the brightest witches this country had ever seen. It seems as though you proved me right, dear girl,” he spoke with such reverence that you almost wished to cower away from his gaze, however, you held your confident stance and let your smile melt into an adoring grin once more.
“Don’t act as though you had nothing to do with it, sir,” your voice carried through the wall of worsening rain between yourself and the older wizard, “If it hadn’t been for your encouragement during the war, I think I’d have simply given up in the cellar of Malfoy Manor,” it was a dark time, of course it was, it had been a war after all. You supposed, the love you held for your coveted wand extended to the man who had supplied it to you in the first place; Mr. Olivander, he was more than just the slightly daft wand shop owner, he had been- for longer than you cared to remember- your cellmate, the man who had slid you his rations from across the dungeon when you’d faded to nothing but skin on bones, the one who encouraged you to pursue your dreams of becoming a journalist with the hopes of shining light on issues far more important than the ones covered by that roach Rita Skeeter. He was a lot of things, but above all else, he was your friend.
“Now, now dear,” he chastised teasingly, the mischievous twinkle in his eyes as lively now as it had been on the day he was born, and, every day since, “You better be getting to Gringotts. Lots of galleons and sickles to collect I’m sure. Being the head of the Daily Prophet surely keeps those money bags heavy, eh?”
Your laugh echoed through the street one again, your lips which were painted black, supplied him with the very best smile you could possibly muster. “I suppose I should get going. Look after yourself.” Olivander shot you a wink before retreating back into his shop.
A familiar lamp caught your attention, the ghosts of your past passions rising as brutally as the rain fell. You could remember it, clear as day.
His laughter mingled with yours, the hearty belly laughs bellowing through the darkened street as the pair of you stumbled out of The Leaky Cauldron in the early hours of the morning, systems altered by the copious amounts of fire whiskey you’d managed to consume. His hand held yours in a tight grasp, he swung your interconnected arms childishly.
One second you’d been walking and the next he was twirling you around beneath the spotlight of the flickering post above you. Drunkenly, you’d spun your little heart out, spurred on by his slightly slurred, yet somehow sweet, singing. He admired you as you shimmied ahead of him, completely free, fresh out of school and not yet weighed down by the darkness that loomed in the distance. When your eyes caught his you shot him a smile, he knew it well, it was the smile, it shun like sequins when they caught light and he knew it was worth more than all of the gold in Gringotts. You beckoned him over to you with a finger, taking his hand when he got close enough you spun him around and laughed weightlessly.
The feeling of his hands gripping your waist would be imprinted on your skin for as long as you lived, you’d thought, charmed by the look in his brown eyes when you internally swore that you would’ve loved him for a lifetime.
What you didn’t know, as you shook off the phantom hands on your waist, was that he’d seen your eyes that night and despite his heavily intoxicated state, he noted your devotion and even now, when he’d lay awake and think of you; it was that look and that sequinned smile that haunted him. Just as the streets of Diagon Alley haunted you.
Thinking of the sequence of events that led you to walking away from the person you’d honestly believed to be your once in a lifetime, perhaps even your once in twenty lifetimes, or infinite lifetimes, did nothing but torment your already scarred heart. He was always hard to pin down, how could he not be? With a face like his and the world wrapped around his finger, he knew he didn’t have to settle for only one of each thing.
Chasing two girls excited him, at the time. All of the secret keeping, high stakes secret meet ups, illicit affairs and sensual politics had kept him energised. Until the novelty wore off and he was left with nothing but a side-piece whose favourite colour he hadn’t bothered to learn. But he’d known yours, he knew everything about you, he still did. He knew you, he remembered how you’d stared at him, eyes heavy with betrayal and filled to the brim with tears the day you’d confronted him, your bags already packed as you made it clear that; yes, you love him, but no, he couldn’t fix this. No matter how hard he’d fought to change the ending to your fairytale-esq love story, you’d slipped through his fingers like water.
Various knick knacks that had once been yours still lived in his flat, above the shop you’d encouraged him to open, back in school. For weeks, your scent lingered like a tattoo kiss on his skin, his clothes, his bedsheets, his everything as a constant reminder that he’d forced you away. He’d practically paid for your ticket for the last train out of London that day. He told himself that he was only seventeen; what on Earth did he truly know about love? And again he reasoned; he knew you.
Months before the war he swore time and time again that he’d seen your face amongst the busy, condensed crowds of Diagon Alley. On countless occasions he found himself chasing down strangers like a madman, hoping for nothing more than to catch even a glimpse of the woman who made his heart smile as beautifully as she herself did.
Chin tilted upwards as you passed his renowned joke shop, you walked with a sense of importance willing your feet not to stop, but you couldn’t deny the urge you had to check up on him.
The last time you’d seen him, the world around you had been in complete chaos. You’d only just been saved from the months of endless torture you were forced to endure. Nothing like now, you’d been frail and weak and hollow. But still, you’d saved his life. Without a word you’d saved him from being crushed, as if he had been just another person to save, as if he hadn’t shared the most intimate of moments with you, before rushing back off, back into the fray until the battle had been won. That was the last time he’d seen you in the flesh and he ached to see you again- so he could thank you, so he could tell you that he was grateful to be alive but his life wouldn’t be worth half as much if he never got to hold you in his arms again.
The rain smashed unyieldingly against the windows of the shop as he worked on the tills, the shop was unusually empty, nobody willing to do any sort of shopping on a day so miserable. With a bored sigh, he stared out the large window before him, only one woman walked the street, an umbrella struggling to fight off the rain. The raindrops that accumulated on the window blurred his view of the lady’s face but there was no amount of rain in the world that could hide your signature strut of defiance from him.
Quickly he scampered out from behind the counter, “George! Watch the counter!” He screeched, bombing it out the front door while George released a tired sigh, hoping his twin wasn’t regressing back to his chasing strangers phase.
As soon as he’d entered the open air, he was completely soaked to the bone. Your heels clacking like the countdown on a ticking time bomb as Fred stood frozen as few meters behind you. His hair sopping wet, his shirt sticking to his body and his face completely desperate as he called your name.
His heart was beating so aggressively that he was positive you could hear it from up the street. You’d stopped in your tracks upon hearing his voice, your stomach erupting with butterflies while simultaneously dropping in anticipation when you turned to face him.
“You’re here,” he stated dumbly, swallowing the lump in his throat as he took you in. As beautiful as you’d always been, he carefully inched towards you, you stayed rooted in your spot but let him advance on you. The phantom feeling of his strong hands on your waist clouded your judgment and made you long to have him come back to you.
You nodded your head, “I’m here.”
Fred nodded too, exhaling a deep breath now that he was sure he wasn’t imagining your presence as he had countless times before. Before either of you knew it, you were standing within arms length of each other, however, far too unsure to touch. The rain was roaring and Fred began to blink rapidly, the water hitting his eyes ruthlessly before you took a single step forward and saved him from the onslaught of droplets. You were close now, so close Fred could smell your perfume and see every detail of your face. The handle of your spacey umbrella rested in between the both of you, acting like a barrier so he wouldn’t tug you against his shaking form and hug the daylights out of you.
“You never let me say thank you,” he started, tears very quickly forming to mix with the raindrops that slid down his freckled face. “At the battle. If you hadn't been there, Y/n, I would’ve died.”
“Don’t say that,” you begged, you’d mulled the scenario of “what if I’d been too late?” over in your mind, more times than you were willing to admit, and the image of Fred cold and dead, despite how terribly he’d hurt you, made your gut wrench so violently that you thought you might be sick. “I was there. That’s all that matters.”
His brows furrowed and suddenly the hands on your waist weren’t that of a past ghost anymore, they were his; very real and in the moment. “Why didn’t you stay? After you saved me you just ran off, I couldn’t find you after it was over-“ his voice was so vulnerable, it cracked and hitched and you forced yourself to cut him off, your umbrella shaking in your hand.
“Because I didn’t want you to see me like that- the way I was after Harry got the others and I out of Malfoy’s,” you told him honestly, biting back tears as you offered him more elaboration while he shook his head in a frantic sort of disbelief, “I was weak and skeletal, I couldn’t face you. Not when I saw the way you looked at me.”
“I looked at you the same!” He exclaimed and you tugged your bottom lip between your teeth.
“Exactly, Fred! I was vulnerable and damaged beyond belief and even after everything- every screaming match, or slammed door or horrible words that we wish we could take back you still looked at me like I was your favourite thing!” You rambled, chest heaving painfully as you tried, uselessly, to keep your building tears at bay. Fred didn’t waste a second before he was pulling the umbrella from you and tossing the thing, that had become more of a hindrance than a help, away from you before he cupped your cheeks urgently.
Rain enveloped the both of you and Fred knew he shouldn’t have been thinking it, but merlin, you seemed to glow in the rain and he acknowledged the fact he’d been aware of all along; you were truly an angel.
“Because you were! You are,” his voice was dripping with honest desperation, “I might not have known anything else back then but I knew I missed you, I knew that hurting you would be the worst thing I ever did and when I saw you that day I knew I still loved you and my life wasn’t worth living if it wasn’t spent with you!” You were at a loss for words at his shouted, emotionally charged confession. His eyes searched yours for the look that haunted him, the promise to love him forever that was hidden beneath your irises and after the next words slipped from his lips, he thought that maybe he’d uncovered it.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make things up to you. You’re quite literally the only reason my heart is beating and I’d sooner actually die than let you go one more second thinking that you aren’t the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my stupid, idiotic life.”
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hollyhomburg · 5 years
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Close to you
(Gangster! Yoongi x Goodgirl! Reader) (Rags to Riches Au) 
Summary: Nobody likes Yoongi, not your older brother or your friends. But with him, you feel more protected than possessed. And though he might be a gangster and more than a little dangerous himself- that makes all the difference. From drug dealer to producer, from rags to riches, you’re Yoongi’s person- his muse- his soulmate.
Tags: good girl x bad boy au, blood, drugs, Yoongi with tattoo's, references to making good ol’ sweet love, Rags to riches! au, brief mentions of drunk sex, Yoongi is soft and squishy and just loves the reader a lot.
A/n: This is more a story than a fic- with a little bit of an open ending to it- legit when I was editing this it tripled in length. 
W/c: 9.8k
Song rec: Lover by Taylor Swift 
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You and Yoongi play basketball together, late at night in the park near your college. You don’t know how you started meeting up, but now you do nearly every day. You gather with the others at the edge of the court when the street lights turn on. Maybe it’s just to let off some steam from your busy college schedules, less than ideal lives, or just plain because you like the game. 
It’s a mish-mash of different people from different backgrounds, misfits and goody-two-shoes alike, pros and newbies at different skill levels, but everyone is pretty good. 
The games are never serious and no one really ever keeps score. The teams change depending on who tells what joke who gives what jibe. Lines are drawn in the minutes before you start, sides taken based off inside jokes and playful feuds. 
One night when a regular named Wonho wears a crop top and calls it ‘fashion’- teams are drawn based on who thinks it’s ridiculous or not. (You and Yoongi are on the same team that night- because of course boys should be allowed to wear crop tops).
You’re always the last two to leave the court at night, sometimes just before the lights shut off at midnight, sometimes you have to hop the fence if the security guard has already come around to lock up. You joke that he might have a vendetta against your group- you always say until the very last moment the court closes and he grumbles about leaving early. 
And on the nights where strangers lean in- when the streets don’t feel so safe and shadowy figures that seem recognizable at a distance linger longer than they should. When there’s another stabbing or a rumor of a girl getting taken off the street, Yoongi is the first to ask if you want him to walk you home.
You try reserving your impression until you know him better. But the tattoos on his arms and on his chest, peaking out over the low collar of his tanktops lead you to make conclusions that you’re not proud of. 
Your first interactions with him are brief at best and you know just from how he looks that you should be careful around him. The others might play at being rugged and dangerous but Yoongi doesn't have to pretend. 
You realize this when he stats to walk you home. No one messes with him, the other gangbangers on the street don’t catcall you when yoongi walks you home. Shop keepers seem to Nodd at him if they feel brave and close their doors the second they see him if they don’t. 
Yoongi seems pretty abnormal for a typical gangbanger, He doesn't fit the trigger happy sadistic stereotype that the media paints others of his ilk in. 
When he first asks to walk you home, You blush and let him because Yoongi is cute, charming even, and he’s nice company, even if he does look a little threatening sometimes. 
You wouldn’t let him walk you home for any other reason then just...needing the safety he provides, not at first, not when your overprotective older brother doesn't let you date at all. You have a dating ban until you graduate college and as long as you sleep under his Roof. 
He’d even tried to squash your interest in the pick-up basketball games when you first started going- but you needed an outlet, justified it by saying you weren't apart of any sports teams and needed to exercise. it isn’t safe on the streets so late at night, he says (and he’s not wrong- it isn’t.) he tries to get you to stay home each night or tries to guilt you into only playing on the weekends during the daytime.
But try as you might, every time he says it isn’t safe or brings up a carefully worded story by the news on the infestation of gangs in the city, you can’t help but picture Yoongi’s face. And maybe it isn’t safe for everyone. but the way he looks at you- guarded but curious and with a hint of mirth over the edge of a ball during a pass, makes you think that it’s safe for you. 
You weren't exactly sheltered here, in your nice apartment on the edge of where town turns from seedy to bougie. You straddle the edge of gentrification Unable to fit in perfectly with either side. You’ve already had to move your apartment twice since you moved in with him after rent hikes and new policies made your past apartments just too expensive. 
The first time your brother catches sight of Yoongi, on the stoop of your apartment building just as your brother gets home from work- perfectly mistimed, he goes apeshit when he realizes that Yoongi’s just dropped you off. Your older brother takes one look at him and says that you shouldn’t date gangsters- that Yoongi will just bring your trouble one day. 
“Jesus Christ- he was just walking me home it's not like it's a big deal” and you remind him that you’re not dating- that you’re just friends and Yoongi is just being nice- and that your brother should be glad you have friends that want you to get home safe. 
He tries to keep you from going out the next night and threatens you with few words not to keep seeing him. You’re late to the game because of it sucking off your pink sweatshirt and growling out that you need to work off some steam. “join my team” Yoongi says, making the others pause with a wave of his hands. 
 They reach for water bottles while you get your shoes on, Yoongi tucks the ball under his arm and stands while you finish lacing up your shoes. “you good?” he asks, “yeah just my brother being a dick and making me late.” 
You know he says it’s all for you so that you’ll do well and school and get a good job later in life and have it easy, unlike either or your parents. but sometimes it feels like he just wants to control you needlessly. Yoongi nods and you see something- the mention of older brothers darken his gaze, you wonder why.  “He pitch a fit after he saw me last night?”
 “Oh you know it,” you say with false positivity. “But don’t worry you can still like- walk me home if you want, I liked talking to you yesterday,” you say, Shooting him a smile that makes his cheeks turn a little pink, he clears his throat “if it makes you feel safer of course” He reassures, ever the gentleman, and goes to shoot some free throws while you finish getting settled. 
The blush doesn't fall really, especially when you meet his eyes over a pass a few seconds into the pell-mell start of the game. And you start to think that Yoongi with  his tattoo’s and his roguish exterior might be the perfect amount of rebellion to get out from underneath your brother's thumb
Of course, Yoongi ends up being a lot more than that. 
When you walk home together you talk about everything, sometimes stopping to get some food from a street stall, or passing a bottle of soju back and forth if it's a Saturday or a Melona ice pop if it's hot enough. you learn a surprising amount about him- you had no idea that Yoongi attended the same college as you, though he’s a few years older than you, in the year above, and only part-time because of his ‘job’. 
He says this kind of cryptically he’s never come out and said what he does for a living to you before but you know, even if he doesn't say so at first. there have been times where other people pause at the gate to the court and gesture for Yoongi and you can see little packets of things being handed off, or he has to leave early. A curly red-haired guy that pops up often enough to drag Yoongi away who is equally as tattooed and threatening. 
but whatever these mysterious people are, you know it’s secondary to Yoongi. after all one of the first conversations you ever have with him on the way home is about music. He confides in you and tells you of his big dreams of being a music producer one day after you urge him.  He already knows your dreams of being a screenwriter- and the struggles you’ve had balancing your dream with your family. 
Thought you both definitely went different directions with that, you just decided to double major in something more ‘practical’ in your brother's words, whereas Yoongi left home. “I’m gonna make it one day- I just know it, it’s the only thing I've ever wanted.” 
And really anyone else would tell him that he’s stupid for having high hopes- his parents and older brother did after all- and he hasn’t talked to them in years after they disowned him for following his dream. But you just smile at him and tell him, “I believe you can do anything if you work hard enough for it.” Yoongi hides his blush by pulling up his hoodie.  
Yoongi is a gangster of course, but the drugs he sells to put himself through college aren’t anything dangerous, even if he and his corner partner Hoseok, end up running from the police or another gang most nights and has been shot at twice in the last year. Hoseok has a scar from that night just above his shoulder- barely a graze. 
People come and go for the nightly basketball games, but somehow- you and Yoongi are always the ones who linger the longest no matter how cold it is. If someone cared to ask, you might say you’re Already half in love with each other from ever smirk thrown over a shoulder during a game. Every “good shot” when you make a three-pointer sends you spiraling further down. 
What started out as an easy way to piss your brother off, has turned into the kind of friendship that you would swear on. The day you roll your ankle Yoongi won’t take no for an answer and gives you a piggyback ride home. 
“You need to eat any more this is hardly even a work out,” he teases, bending down so that you can reach the button for the streetlight. “You tip your nose against the nape of his neck and inhale a deep breath, he smells nice, he has the kind of scent that you could just wrap yourself in and cozy down. The action makes pleasant shivers erupt down Yoongi’s spine. The weight of you so gladly held that he almost misses it when he was to let you off. And he makes you promise to wrap it as soon as you get up the stairs. 
The next day, the pink bandage sticks out from over your ankle socks and you bring Yoongi a brown paper bag from the fried food stall on the street. Smiling as you hand it over, “as a thank you” you justify, teasing him for his blush that starts up when he realizes you’ve remembered his favorites. 
Yoongi’s secret is that he might be in a gang, but he’s also fucking soft as shit. He loves dramas and romance movies and he has a sonnet of Shakespeare tattooed under his arm and carefully stylized roses above his heart. Yoongi is a total hopeless romantic. He loves everything to do with romance. Even if all of the people he’s ever loved have broken his heart. 
He doesn't sleep around a lot, doesn't let himself get close to people that often because people leave so much more often than they stay. And it’s almost like you’ve always been able to see through him- those times that you’ve talked about the dramas you both happen to like on the walk home, 
And he lets you talk as much as you want about the different minute details of the dialogue and the stage directions, asks you why you like a certain love story or don’t and leans in- and you can tell he actually cares what you like and enjoy, is actually listening to you. 
The same care that you return, when you share one of Yoongi’s shitty earbuds and listen to all of Yoongi’s favorite love songs. And steal the napkins he writes sappy lyrics on when you go out for hot chocolate after the game. The care that you show when you pretend that you don’t know that most of the lines of simple prose he writes are about you.
The first time you snag one and keep it away from him, you catch a look at the line of lyrics and find them- startlingly tender and honest. it’s hard to believe that walking you home is my favorite time of day when at the end of it I have to say goodbye to you, my secret is that I never want too.
You’re so shocked that he snags it out of your hand easily and he shoves the napkin in deep in his pocket. But the damage is done, you're wide-eyed and looking, his face bright red, cheeks round as he nibbles on his lower lip and shyly looks away, “don’t- don’t like- freak out or anything I just like writing about you is all- it’s not like, a big deal or anything.” 
But the next day, you just smile up at him, wiping away the sweat at your temples proffering “walk me home?” like you have no idea what it means to him. So easily giving him the quiet acceptance of a part of him that he doesn't show anyone. 
You goofily get too close when you guard him sometimes tackling and holding around his neck or wrap your arms around his waist during the warm-up games you play sometimes, giggling at his shout of “yah-”. When you manage to steal the ball from him- your specialty- you might not be able to make every three-pointer but you can always get the ball away from him or any of the others. Yoongi doesn't get angry or too competitive, just shakes his head and smiles. 
You rarely ever see Yoongi around campus, even less rarely interact with him, though he will return your wave when you give him one. You see him one day when you’re walking between classes with one of your friends, Jaebaum who was your lab partner for chemistry last semester but had become your friend after joint commiseration over how terrible chemistry was. 
“How do you know that guy?” the accusation is low and a little startled, his eyebrows pulling together into a glare that makes your hand fall from your wave. “We both go to the same pickup basketball games, why?”
Jaebaums jaw tightens as he looks back, but Yoongi’s already disappeared into the music building. “that guy deals drugs for half the sororities and fraternities at this school- just surprised me is all, I didn’t think that you would know him. You said you play basketball with him?”
You tell him more about them- not that you’ve ever hidden your secret. And he pushes until you agree to let him come with you. Maybe he’s just curious, but you’re just trying to be nice is all- Jaebaum is a friend even if his overprotective friend thing gets a little annoying. 
You swear- what is it with guys and trying to protect you, Yoongi is the only one whose never made you feel inferior for it. 
You’ve never brought someone to the games before but others have in the past, and Jaebum is introduced with little fanfare, though Yoongi goes eye him over the edge of a basketball and raise an eyebrow in your direction, you can hear his voice “really?”
maybe the night would have gone better if Jaebaum didn’t literally check Yoongi onto the concrete halfway through the game. The other players literally stop to a standstill, because no one is ever that aggressive. The ball bounces away unattended as Yoongi is quick to get up and shove Jaebaum back.
 You’re quick to step between the two of them a hand on either of their chests as Yoongi growls out “what the fuck is your problem?” Even if Jaebaum is a bit taller, Yoongi doesn’t back down. Of course, the second Yoongi makes eye contact with you he backs off, though you do see his jaw roll in annoyance. And that’s more than you can say for Jaebaum, Who takes a few more words before he gets back to the game. 
He lingers when the game finishes and usually, you’d stay for another, but no one else seems to be in the mood for it. You and Yoongi still pass a ball back and forth and Yoongi shoots a jab his way when pauses by the chainlink gate. 
“Get lost asshole- and just for the record, acting all high and mighty around me doesn’t change the fact that your frat buys coke from me on the weekends and I know for a fact one of you brothers was looking for GHB last week,” Yoongi is merciless though putting all their dirty drug habits that he is only too privy too as their dealer out in the open. 
Jaebum pales as you send him a shocked glance because you really didn’t know his fraternity did shit like that. GHB is like- serious stuff, and its reputation isn’t great. And fuck- Jaebaums even invited you to parties at his fraternity, who knows what was in the drinks of those other girls. 
A glance at him tells you that Jaebaum really had no idea what his fraternity brothers were getting up to in their spare time but the damage is already done. Jaebaum turns to you pleading “Y/n please believe me- I didn’t know they where-”
“Jae” you cut him off, suddenly more shakey than you’d like, “I think you should go,” he doesn’t listen stepping closer, “Nah come on- let me take you home,” he pleads palms open. 
Before he can get close Yoongi steps Infront of you subtly keeping a hand on your arm to reassure you. “I’ll walk her home- don’t worry Jae,” he adds mockingly. “She’s safer with me anyway.”
You and Yoongi pass a ball back and forth, the last to leave as usual after that but he’s unusually silent. Until the streets go quiet and he finally lets his feelings spill onto the asphalt. “Wow, you really know how to pick them huh,” 
You check the ball back to him, a little harder than Nessicary “You know that’s what my brother said about you when he first met you right?” 
“What?” Yoongi dribbles the ball as he shakes his head, you can see him actually getting angry as he makes a three-pointer and misses by a longshot, you catch the rebound and pass it back. “your brother doesn't even know me- not really.” 
“I know that Yoongi and believe me- I never would have let him come if I knew he was gonna like” you trail off, struggling to find the right words. Yoongi concentrates enough to make the shot finally and takes a step back to see if he can make the next one. You return the rebound again.
“If you knew he was gonna try to intimidate me? Try to stake a claim on you or something like you’re a fucking thing when you’re-” Yoongi breaks off, swallowing back his anger and shaking his head like he’s ridding himself of his fury, even though you can see it boiling in his dark eyes when he turns them on you. 
“Don’t you know how frat boys treat pretty girls? or where you just naive enough to think that one could be different when they all silently allow their brothers to do what they want,” 
You pass it back hard, and it hits Yoongi’s chest hard. stinging a little- “Don’t you dare call me nieve Yoongi, not when you’re being hypocritical as fuck” you argue- you know Yoongi isn’t really meaning to be mean, not at all. 
And Yoongi just- givens a particularly hard pass to you the same way you just did to him and your arms don’t come up quick enough and it hits your face. It’s not the first time that you’ve ever been hit in the face by a basketball, you’ve had your fair share of bloody noses. And anyone who plays knows the particular not-quite-painfull- stinging sensation that makes shocked tears spark in your eyes.  
Yoongi immediately rushes over to hold your head and apologize profusely and he Dabbs at your nose to get rid of the little bit of blood that's dripping out of your nose with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Apologize tumbling out of his lips,
“Oh my god I’m so so sorry- please believe I didn’t mean to- fuck- I'm sorry” and you’re not angry- you know he didn’t mean it at all- that it was an accident you just weren't paying attention. And Yoongi is panicked looking down at you and cradling your face in his hands, brushing your baby hairs back away from your face and it’s not even really like that bad or hurts or everything, your face is just mostly numb.
You can't help it- you start laughing, and he looks down at you wide-eyed “oh my god you should have seen your face- you look like you just accidentally stepped on a pets tail or something- holy fuck Yoongi I'm fine-” 
But then Yoongi leans in, his forehead against yours in the lit basketball court, closing his eyes and looking like he hates himself for hurting you even a little bit- even accidentally. He looks so upset with himself and that he’s hurt you. For all of your close moments, your almost relationship-esce tender moments you and Yoongi aren’t so physically close so often. Even though your laughing, he sighs all the tension going out of him. “not my fault you follow me around like a puppy or something- you're just so- you’ve got this-” he makes a frustrated noise, “god you’ve always got me so tongue-tied” 
And you still for a moment, standing in the middle of the court, a little blush paints his cheeks as he realizes how close you are. 
On the basketball court, with your nose bleeding and Yoongi looking at you with all that love he’s hidden on display, you realize that there shouldn’t be anything stopping you from nurturing that affection that he’s so blatantly showing right now, that he always does whether you acknowledge it or not. 
And maybe he’s always shown you that, maybe it was always there in the way he walked you home, the way he checks to see that you’re alright whenever you take an elbow or fall during a game. 
Tender and protective almost like Yoongi is your bodyguard or something. But unlike others, Yoongi knows you can handle yourself and he’s only there so you don't have to deal with it alone. He might be protective, but he’s never claimed ownership of you like others have.  
For a moment the lights flicker and go out plunging the two of you into muted darkness, especially here, where the streetlights barely bleed. It’s not an unusual occurrence, the court is kind of old and shitty and it’s probably just the security guard being passive-aggressive to you and try to get you to leave early again. 
In the darkness you tilt your head forward and kiss him, your lips slotting together. After he manages to overcome his shock his hand fists in your hair underneath the hood of your hoodie. His tongue briefly licks out to paint heat into your chest that blooms like the roses on his. Before you pull away and Yoongi’s so breathless from just the taste of you. 
And then the lights come back on and he’s just shocked standing there while you take the ball and try to make the shot Yoongi couldn’t make failing at first because your hands are shaking a little.
Yoongi runs his hand over his face and through his hair and tries to stop himself from grinning and quiet the rapid pounding of his heart. You shoot a three-pointer and make it- “holy shit Y/n you-” 
“You don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to other guys Yoongi” and he’s just standing there blushy and quiet. “if that's what that thing with Jaebaum was about,” you pass the ball back to him, and he huffs. 
“It was more about him treating you like a possession but okay- fixate on that I guess,” you don’t buy his ire at all. 
He walks you home and kisses you again on your stoop and quickly pulls the closure of your hoodie over your face and runs away. “You punk Yoongi!” you shout at him, waking up the neighbors- but he doesn’t care, his heart feels too light to be bogged down by anything like disapproving outsiders. 
later that night when they’re selling on the street corner, Hoseok levels Yoongi’s never falling smile with a raised eyebrow “what’s got you so happy tonight?” and Yoongi just tilts his head back against the brick building and smiles at the sky, unable to keep it off his mouth now. 
“Nothing man, nothing at all” and of course that's a lie- Yoongi’s whole body is light with how much of something this is, his thoughts tripping over with little snippets of you. God, he feels like a little kid, excited to see their crush the next day at school. 
You only kiss when the lights go out, in the shadows of alleyways, hands ghosting over places too intimate for public and for even the street lights. safe in the darkness where no one can see either of you and you can just be Yoongi and Y/n. The city melts away along with all of its problems and leaving both of you alone. 
You only kiss when he walks you home, or when you sneak him into your bedroom on the colder nights through the front door or up the fire escape. And he’ll press you into the sheets of your bed, his bare arms, and the black ink on his chest and his inky hair contrasting with the white sheets of your bed, and he touches you so softly, every second building to linger, to cherish, to love. 
You only kiss him when he surprises you, like the night after he goes out to dinner with your older brother to try and impress him. Yoongi’s white button-down barely hides all his tattoo’s but he does take all the piercings out of his ears. To both of your surprise, he manages to not make a horrible impression and actually earn your brothers approval (but only a little). 
He only kisses you when you steal his leather jacket- pulling you close by the lapels, or when you steal his thrasher hoodie and he doesn't even realize you have it until he sees you walking around campus with it on, and pulls you into the deserted bathroom on the third floor of the science building because for a quick make-out session. 
Who knows maybe Min Yoongi really likes kissing you, maybe he just really really likes you too, maybe when you text at night Min Yoongi finds himself burying his smile into his pillow, texting you back, “goodnight sweetheart, can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” 
For your first date, he takes you out to dinner and then to a bar that closes early but has a legit ball pit. Complete with disco balls, a bunch of fancy setups and Instagramable pastel pink floral walls, and serves it’s sangria in glass teapots. 
It’s pricer than usual bars, but it’s worth it- to get giggly and tipsy with you and bother the other patrons by starting a war throwing the clear plastic balls that look like bubbles back and forth. You use an inflatable heart- complete with bright silver glitter to block his attack and tackle him into the pit, shocking a giggle out of his chest that seems to shimmer into the open air. 
And he takes a photo of you laughing below him when he heaves you up and into a pile, giggling brightly too. You snap a photo of him too and he looks all harsh and grungy against the pastel background, lounged out like a jungle cat in his black ripped jeans and black teeshirt. his darkness juxtapositioned with all of the pink. 
You end up printing out the photo and hanging it up by your mirror in your bathroom where you eventually hang little tickets from late-night rap shows that Yoongi takes you too- or the tickets for the free day at the local zoo and a few romcoms. Little memories of your times together that you can wake up and see, and keep a piece of him close that way. 
He prints out your photo too and keeps it in his wallet. He doesn't take it out and look at it often, but sometimes when he knows you’re asleep and he’s still out on the chilly street, the fingerless gloves you got him for his birthday warming his hands. He’ll finger the edge of his wallet and the edge of the photo that sticks out a little, and smile to himself- imagining that you’re wrapped up warm in your bed, maybe curling up in one of his shirts that he’d lent you- you always say you sleep better in them.
And he thinks about maybe sneaking up to the fire escape that leads to your window when he’s done for the night, tapping out a hello on your window until you wake and let him into your warm embrace. Quiet and taking his shoes off by the window so that his heavy steps don’t alert your older brother in the room over. 
And maybe he could cuddle you a little before class, relax into your arms for a few hours. The lack of sleep would be hell to pay for later- and really, Yoongi also has papers due and assignments to complete not to mention exams to study for that need his time if he wants to even think about graduating anytime soon or keeping his scholarship until then. But he indulges in the idea of it, all the same, closing his eyes and imagining it just for a minute when he feels that photo, letting his memory’s drift back to your first date. 
Sometimes on the really cold evenings, you’ll take the train home instead of walking- even though it gives you less time than you usually have. you grab the last train home and sit close. He taps out a pattern on the back of your hand, your skin unmarked unlike his. Each of his knuckles is marked by a symbol for a royal flush.
A ten of clovers on his thumb, a jack of diamonds on his index, then a queen of spades, king of hearts, then the ace of spades on his pinky. The tattoos are newer, you’re pretty sure Yoongi didn’t have them when you first met. 
“How do you have so many tattoo’s?” you ask, you know by now that Yoongi only deals drugs to pay his many bills that aren’t covered by his scholarship. Because he has too to survive and not because he particularly likes being apart of a gang. His copious amount of inc seems like too an expensive habit for him to keep if he’s paying for it out of pocket. Yoongi watches you trace over the marks on his knuckles. 
“There’s this tattoo artist across town, he’s pretty good makes a half-decent living or would if his boyfriend didn’t have this like- rare disease or something. I’ve never really asked or looked it up- but anyway, their insurance doesn't cover it and it would be like thousands of dollars a month retail. But I get them a couple months supply at a time for like a quarter of that- and as long as I deliver it to them every few months, Namjoon lets me sit in his chair after hours as a thank you.” 
“Didn’t realize you-” “dealt in medical stuff as well?” Yoongi asks, raising an eyebrow, not judgementally but really, anything there is a market for Yoongi’s employers have him sell. but you don’t talk about Yoongi’s drug dealing. the less you know about the gang the safer you are. You nod, and Yoongi sits back, pulling you a little closer, your stop is nearing, and he knows that he’s going to have to say goodbye to you soon after that. 
“The first time I met him it was like- not great. He was so panicked didn’t look at all the type to be buying drugs either. But he stuck around and kept asking if I could get it until I could, and then I started delivering it to his place instead of having him come to me and like, you know how dangerous it is and like walking around with that amount of cash. It isn’t something you do if you’re smart or unprotected. And I think he just started giving me free ink because I cared enough to drop it off instead of having him come to me.” 
You lean over and press a kiss to his cheek- “Min Yoongi- friendly neighborhood drug dealer- who would have thought you’d be so kind,” Yoongi tilts away at your teasing because really, by now you know just how gummy soft Yoongi is and how true the statement is. 
He’s always checking in, and he’s kind of the older brother of sorts even to the others at the basketball court, always the first one to playfully shove the gangly limbed kid named Jungkook who's hung around the courts since forever (and has only recently sprouted up taller than him).
Or he’ll ask you and Jungkook’s grubby thin friend Taehyung (that sometimes comes to games sporting black eyes and leans into Jungkook like he’s the only thing keeping him up) if either of you wants something from the 7/11 across the street. 
He’s always soft to some of the younger high school kids that come by and play. The ones that obviously don’t have good role models at home. And you know by the way Yoongi sometimes gets self-critical that he doesn't think of himself as a good role model by any means- but he is a good person. 
The streets might have made him rough around the edges and fierce by necessity, but Min Yoongi has never and will never lose his kindness.
And maybe that's why you love him, why you feel so safe with him, why you smile every time you see him and why your heart beats quick whenever he looks at you like you’re the only people in the room. You know deep in your bones that Min Yoongi might not look it on the outside, that he carries the weight of what he does like a bulletproof vest and has more than a little baggage, but he’s a good man.  
The first night he takes you back to his apartment he’s a little shy about it because he knows it’s basically a closet. It’s in the bad part of town too, but it’s mostly clean and at least it doesn't smell too much like mold. There's only a single wall separating the kitchen from the half room where his single bed is tucked. But he does have nice windows, they’re the only thing that drew him to the apartment, a good view of some neon lights across the street and a full glass tilted roof where it used to be a covered balcony. 
The producing equipment that he’d saved up for and his school things pushed and piled on the desk in the opposite wall. his stacks and stacks of notebooks full of poetry turned lyrics that maybe he’ll never put a song to. You could probably reach them from the bed if you stretched out really far. Along with a keyboard that he’d won after he’d beat a DJ in a game of pool. His clothes sit in bins underneath his bed that he shoves and pulls his blanket over to try and hide the drabness of it. 
But you don’t judge at all, you don’t mark on the frayed edge of Yoongi’s duvet, or on the dust gathering on the sill of the windows. Or the bars that block the view. You smile at the band posters on the wall and the movie poster by his bathroom and giggle when he turns on the colorful Christmas lights he’s strung up over his bed and he asks why you’re smiling. 
“This room is so you Yoongi- like I don’t even know how to explain it but it’s like I just walked into you- you know?” Yoongi does know, and his chest warms with the thought of this, this place is his home and only his safe haven (besides the court). It’s the representation of his everything. Maybe a little grey, a little worn around the edges but still comfortable, still warm. 
You just stand there and look out the windows at the street corner below while Yoongi boils some milk for hot chocolate. And when it’s set he holds around your waist and hooks his chin over your shoulder, swaying slightly to the music that always lives in him while you look out the window, quiet and contemplative. 
“I know it’s not much but you could move in if you want after we graduate- or maybe get a bigger apartment together and pool our resources for something nicer- if you want too.” you’ve been together for about a year now- even if the beginning of your relationship was a little more loosely bound. 
“Really you’d want me to live with you?” Yoongi shrugs and blushes and you kiss his cheek sweetly making him flush a darker red. And Unlike how he would if he was with anyone else, he doesn't turn away or try to hide how he looks at you, so wanting and soft, almost hopeful.
He leans his cheek against your head and sways a little, tasting the lyrics and the beat on his tongue he would write about this moment- maybe they’re nothing- maybe there shitting and sentimental-  I showed you the drabby parts of me and you told me it was enough, we felt our love with simple feelings, simple people all the same, and I know I’ll love you forever if only you would stay. 
“Of course I want you to move in sweetheart.” 
You start to sleep over some nights- the nights when your brother has to go on trips for work or it gets too late for you to walk back. Yoongi doesn't live in the safest area and he never lets you walk home alone, but he does try to limit your exposure to his world. The drug dealers on the corners giving him nod as he passes, but he does catch them looking at you- their stares confused and lingering. 
It makes Yoongi worried. He starts picking you up from class too just in case. 
You still play basketball late at night, and sometimes, when your both sit on the sidelines, you trace his tattoos and he tugs at your ponytail out and at the end of the night so that your hair falls around your face, Yoongi always walks you home. And maybe you steal his hoodie every night so that you can sleep surrounded by the smell of him. 
But then, a few weeks after he finally graduates (you take him out to dinner to celebrate and get him the very very nice gift of soundproof headphones since he was still using the shitty earbuds that came with his phone)  Yoongi doesn’t come to basketball. 
Thoughts who know him well linger about for a few minutes after you’d usually start, but he doesn't show. You’re distracted the whole time, casting a glance to the gate to see if he’ll appear there, checking your phone when you take breaks until you give in and text him. 
He doesn’t answer his texts when you send him one or pick up your phone when you call. And you’re starting to get worried when you walk home. Of course, you know what Yoongi’s had to pick up more “hours” whatever that means in the wake of his graduation and therefore the expiration of his scholarship. 
You’ve thought about the possibility of him being arrested before, waking up in a cold sweat thinking about it. You try not to let Yoongi know how much it stresses you out. Your brother has told you more than once, “He’s going to get himself killed one day” or “he’s going to break your heart.” 
but you always reply, “You don’t know him at all, he’s not like that, and he’s safe when he’s out- he’s always cautious,” 
You walk the whole way home peering down every alleyway and knawing on your lip in worry. Wondering if maybe you should stop by his apartment and see if he’s there- after you drop off your books of course. Only to find Yoongi sitting on the stoop to your apartment building. He gets up with a pained groan when he sees you, knees cracking, his shattered phone dark and left on the stoop next to him. You drop your bag when Yoongi looks up and you catch a glimpse of his face underneath his hoody. Your school things spilling onto the sidewalk
“I swear I’m fine- It’s only cuz I was outnumbered that they got me so bad, my nose isn’t even broken.” he’s sitting on the toilet with you in between his legs dabbing at his split lip while he holds a bag of peas to his black eye and alternates laying on it his bruised collar bone. You’d been mostly silent since you saw him, but- when you see how gingerly he’s holding his battered body. And suddenly you’re crying, barely containing your sobs as they spill over your lips and you drink in him, thinking about the possibility of him landing himself in the hospital or an early grave. 
Yoongi wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, burying his face in his sweatshirt you’re wearing. It smells like a piece of you and a piece of him. “I’m okay baby girl really, please don’t cry over me” you smoothing your shaking hands up and through his hair. You pull away from him a little. It breaks Yoongi’s heart to see you crying because of him. 
“I can’t do this Yoongi, I’m always be worried if you’re going to be beaten up or arrested or shot at, I can’t be with you if I don’t know you’re safe.” 
He swallows, blinking through his own tears- but really the choice he makes is instinctual- he would never even think of doing anything else. “What if I quit then, what if I stopped and found another job somewhere else- somewhere safer.” 
You pull away looking at his face, seeing his brutal honesty the truth there. Yoongi has never been one to lie to you so if he’s saying it- he means it. “I’m serious about you, about us, I-” neither of you have dropped the L-word yet and all of a sudden Yoongi’s throat feels like he’s closing up because he’s never loved anyone who hasn’t left. But you’re worth it- you're worth the risk of shattering his heart. 
“I love you so much, and I want to be with you, and if this- this is your deal-breaker, then I’ll stop.” You nod, and Yoongi reaches up to wipe away your tears with both of his thumbs. His hands rough from basketball, and the little scrapes on his palms, but still comforting in the way you can feel his intention in every touch. And leans his forehead against yours, you stretch your hand back to shut off the lights and kiss him in the darkness. 
You’re glad your brother is saying late for work and leaving early because you can pull Yoongi through your dark apartment and into your room as long as you’re quiet. You kiss every bruise on his body from his cheekbone to his bruised knuckles, sitting over his lap in just a large white t-shirt. Your bareness pressed all to him and Yoongi touches you gently like he would a treasure. 
Yoongi makes love to you and every stuttering movement of his hips is a swan song to anyone else he might love- because you’re it for him. His gentle hands smooth over your hips as you lose yourself among the covers, and his careful but firm touches. 
 He lets himself taste your skin, and luxuriate in the softness plucked delicately between his lips like the strings of an instrument, to suck your blood to the surface in a melody of red and pink. Gentle and slow and lingering like he’s letting you know that there is no rush for this like he’s staying like he’ll do anything you ask. He wants to be with you until you don’t want him anymore.
And you let him know you’ll always want him with every sigh, every bitten back moan of his name, and every scratch down his back that you want to mark him and keep him as yours as well. You let him know you’ll stay with every kiss from your red mouth a brand, and every sigh and keen a promise for the endless time left. You’re marked as well- even if he can’t see it you’re his and he’s yours, as sure and as permanent as the tattoo’s on his skin.  
Yoongi cleans up his act. Talks to the gang and they let him quit as long as he agrees to still occasionally sell at college parties- and it’s enough for you. You move into Yoongi’s apartment much to the ire of your older brother, the semester after he graduates and a semester before you do.  
And though it might be small it becomes your place, the place where your love takes full form and is stitched into every inch. You get a few plants and hang them by the windows and a small two-person table set into the wall where you have your meals together- Yoongi teaches you how to cook in your pajamas, a freshly-minted pop song crackly from the old Bluetooth speaker. You hang hooks for your coffee mugs underneath the cabinets to save some space. 
Yoongi hasn’t had a family in years, his own parents and older brother disowned him when he left for Seoul to try his hand at music, and he only occasionally speaks to his brother on his birthday or Christmas. 
He’s only been able to go to college and get a degree because of his own pure stubbornness and having good enough grades in high school and on the entrance exam to get a scholarship. 
He’s only had himself to rely on for the last few years, and that changes almost overnight. He starts to build a family with you there, even if it’s just the two of you, you still are a family.
You’re the first person he sees when he wakes up in the morning, nestled into his chest all soft and delicate. You’re the first person he calls when he gets any sort of good news. The person he surprises with bulgogi on Friday afternoons just because. 
At your graduation, Yoongi shouts and cheers you on, louder than any parent would, your brother laughing next to him. He may not approve of Yoongi entirely- but he respects Yoongi for how much he cares about you and how much he tries. Though the approval there might be tenuous, Yoongi makes it clear that he isn’t going anywhere. 
You don’t mind the small bed in his apartment because you know you’d end up lying that close anyway. The large duvet spilling onto the floor as you curl up underneath it and pretend that you’re two bears in hibernation, chests and bones aligned all perfectly and comfortably, everything else outside of your little cave dangerous and frightening but it’s quiet and safe in each other's arms. 
He gets you special tickets to a behind the scenes tour of a new drama that's coming out as your graduation present. And he holds your hand the entire tour, drinking in your wide-eyed enthusiasm the same way you do when you hear his music. 
He gets a less dangerous job as a bartender at a club that the gang owns (because they’re still his friends even if they’re less close and see each other a little less. It’s not ideal but he’ll take what he can get until he manages to find a job where he can use his degree). 
You finally meet Hoseok just after Christmas when Yoongi lets it slip that he doesn't have anyone to spend the new year with. And though he might be surprisingly upbeat there is the same darkness there that you recognize from when you met Yoongi, The kind that has little faith in the world but a whole lot of hope for change. 
And Yoongi really thinks it's sweet- you treat Hoseok like you might a little brother even though he’s older than you by a few years. You make an effort to invite Hoseok out for dinner more often, and when Yoongi asks you say, “He seems a little too skinny, like no one’s taking care of him.” 
Eventually, you convince him to stop dealing drugs as well, and Yoongi gets him a job working as a bartender soon after he gets the hang of it himself. And Yoongi spends most nights cleaning glasses with Hoseok endlessly flirting with any pretty girl who walks in the door. And Hoseok just laughs any time they try to flirt with Yoongi- because yeah he has someone waiting for him at home. 
And then one random Tuesday he’s making jokes with a guy at the bar in an expensive suit jacket, and he realizes fate might just have it out for him- in a very good way. 
It’s kind of his job to chat with the patrons when it’s not a DJ night. The booth in the corner sits and taunts Yoongi with the promise of someday- and Yoongi swears to himself that he will work his way into that booth one day, with sheer stubbornness and hard work.  
He’s just joking around and kind of making fun of the guy when he gets on the topic of music and Yoongi says “You’re joking if you think that's a good song the kicks all wrong and the chorus has a wonky beat that just doesn't fit.” 
The guy laughs and looks at Yoongi with sharp appraising eyes and says “I’m the one that produced that song boy” and then laughs some more when Yoongi freezes, flushing hard and stuttering out an apology. And holy fuck- this guy is basically what Yoongi’s dreamed of being since he was a teenager and first discovered his love for Music they talk more about it, and Yoongi tries not to be excited or drop his mixed tape or anything- he plays it cool as he can. 
The next night he brings Yoongi the raw track on a drive and says, “I want to see how you’d alter it- try and impress me.” and Yoongi does, works on it day and night for a few weeks.
And you let him- come and stand by his desk and give him coffee when you get up to go to work just after he gets back (you’re only in between grad school and college now- but you’re working to save up money so that you don’t have to take out so many loans) and when you get back from your shift at a coffee shot you find him still hunched over his computer dead asleep, and sleepily tug him into bed for a few more hours sleep.
Yoongi hands over the finished track the next time he see’s the producer at the bar and he calls Yoongi the next day and offers him an internship.  Yoongi thanks him for the opportunity profusely and promises him that he won’t disappoint. And when he gets off the phone he calls you- bugs you until you pick up and when you get home you jump and scream and dance around his small apartment. You both go to the convenience store and get a bottle of cheap wine and some melon ice pops and stay up after his shift to watch the sunrise. 
And Yoongi can’t help but think that if you had never made him quit his job dealing drugs if he never started playing pick up games and met you- he never would have gotten the job and the bar and now he wouldn’t be here, on the precipice of everything he’d ever dreamed of. 
well almost everything, because when he looks over at you, tipsy sitting against the window with a pillow under your butt grinning and tipping your shoulder sweetly into his- he thinks that being a producer is only half of what he wanted. 
You make love on the floor of your bedroom- even though there’s the bed right next to you because your love is the kind that need not be confined to a single place (in Yoongi’s flowery words) even if he’s the one that ends up with rug burn on his knees later. 
There are other conversations that happen in front of those windows, with kisses pressed to your lips in total darkness if it weren't for the neon lights. “do you think we should move?” “give it a few more weeks love,” he says, pressed between a kiss on your shoulder.
 “you’ve been hired for over a year Yoongi- they’re gonna give you your own solo project any day now,”  you snort. “is it weird that I can’t help but worry I'll be fired or something?” he holds onto you tighter. 
You sooth him with a hand down his arm, your words velvet soft in the darkness, “no not at all- it’s just that the studio complained that a line of your sheet music got slipped into my rough draft last week, and maybe things like that wouldn't happen if we didn’t share the same desk.” a laugh shocks out of him “fuck we need a larger place.” 
And then months later, when you’re thinking about moving, and Yoongi has his heart set on this one bedroom with small office space and a killer view over the river- expensive but still kinda tight. And you can’t help but think...you might need more than one room at one point in the future. 
“did you ever think about having kids?” you ask, nervously drumming your fingers on the counter his hair curling against the nape of his neck. He’s been growing it longer recently, no longer does he get it done in the jagged undercut that he used to.
His sleep shirt is one of his old ones, no matter how big his paycheck has gotten Yoongi will always sleep in his threadbare basketball shorts and a washed-out tee. It’s almost like when he falls asleep he goes back to that same boy you first met years ago. With too many tattoos and not enough hope that his dreams would ever come true.  
His eyes go wide over his cup of coffee, and he sets it down before he even takes a sip, mulling over your question for a moment before he answers “Only with you, why?” 
Years later, after your screenplay gets picked up by a popular channel. when you’ve long left behind your tiny box of an apartment and traded in for an upgraded space closer to where both of you work. Yoongi is nominated (and wins) an award for a song he produced for an idol group.
You accompany him to an award show with his same tattooed arms around your waits, though the ink has faded a little bit. He still goes back to the same shop he used to though he pays now that he has enough money. Yoongi has even steered enough people (rappers and other producers) towards the shop that the tattoo artist can charge more and actually afford legitimate prescriptions no longer has to live through shady backroom deals. 
 A few more tattoos have been added, the first line of the first song he ever produced that made into onto an album, a little lightbulb for you, and more roses added to his chest. Lacing their way up his neck ending just below the date inked onto his neck- your anniversary. 
And when he’s asked about you by reporters he introduces you as his muse. There is no small amount of fanfare for a well-known music producer and a screenwriter that's recently gained notoriety for her gang inspired drama. The bulbs of cameras flash, dizzying if it weren't for Yoongi’s steady arm around your waist. 
 “We’ve been together for years, and she’s always stood by me and encouraged me to be the best version of myself and follow my dreams. I know I wouldn’t be where I am if I didn’t have her which is why this award is as much for me as it is for her” 
And the reporters clamor over themselves to ask you questions too asking you about the open ending of your book, if there is any hope for a sequel of your drama, and what the open ending meant. “I think the best thing about stories is that you get to wait and see how they end, so I won’t let anything particularly telling go before it’s time for you to see it,” you say, teasing even though everyone knows that none of the actors that starred in your drama have schedules for the next season- and are likely slated for a continuation even if your company hasn’t announced the sequel yet. 
You and Yoongi take your seats to the side, but in the front row. During the award show, at the moment when the lights go low just before the idol group that Yoongi produces for starts to perform on stage, you and Yoongi tilt your faces together. And it feels like hello- like all of the time before that you’ve kissed in the dark when your lips meet. 
The moments when you’ve both found each other in the darkness, met in the middle, to be nothing other than what you are. Both you and Yoongi are brought down to your barest forms, just two people in love and better for it. Stronger together than you are apart. 
The lights go up, you and Yoongi clap harder than anyone in the stands as the starting notes fade in and the choreography starts as well, another song that Yoongi’s produced, one of many in the future
And maybe no one would know you’ve kissed if it weren't for your lipstick on his mouth. 
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8K notes · View notes
willowistic22 · 4 years
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ok im gonna say it, what taylor swift song is romeo besides love story
Haha was waiting for this one actually. Can’t believe I can’t use love story grr. but yeah i get it. though plsss gimmie the chance to add a little bit of love story? I just love that song yknow. And jfc when I say ‘love’ it doesn’t always mean the romantic kind, aight? N e wayyys lesgo !
Love story. Pretty self explanatory actually. ‘We were both young when I first saw you’ I feel that him being a hopeless romantic started pretty young. He was young dumb but in love and that’s basically how he is when he’s in love. He loves the feeling when he first falls in love, when a love is still young. You don’t really know what you’re doing but you still act like you are because you can’t help it. Romeo mostly embrace the the whole being young and in love just because he loves the feeling and believes that PDA isn’t as bad as ppl might think. Well, not entirely but just enough yknow.
Invisible String. The song is basically the soulmate trope in a song form. And he does believes in soulmates. Let me crack into the... angsty stuff heheh >:). He has a long history of loving himself and sometimes doubt that there are ppl out there that would actually like him yknow. So he pretends there’s like this invisible string that connects him to others. Like destined to meet these few certain ppl. That’s what has kept him afloat all this time. Not many ppl would know it but it’s the truth.
Wonderland. ‘Didn't they tell us don't rush into things?’ and also ‘We found Wonderland, you and I got lost in it’ Now this one is more towards his mentality in stuff. Sometimes when he’s clouded with love (romance or otherwise, take your pick) he gets too easily excited like ‘woah!!! someone likes me!!!’ and goes a bit too quickly. Many ppl were scared off by how clingy this kid can get. Romeo has learned to calm himself yknow, but sometimes he gets too lost and forgets all about it. The second one is mostly because, in plain simple words, he thinks the world is full of shit. His mental health has been hit hard and some days just seem so plain and boring and he’s tired and he didn’t even know why he got up that morning. Sometimes he closes his eyes to pretend he’s somewhere he wants to be. Where he’s wanted and it’s acceptable to cling on ppl. Where he’s not tired and the world around him is in fact wonderful to be in.
Blank Space. Some ppl will describe him of having an endless list of ppl he was once associated with. Call it lovers, friends, whatever. Mostly they get scared bcs the more time they spent with Romeo, more of his true colors are being shown. Some impressions Romeo left them was ‘annoying’ ‘clingy’ and ‘too serious in stuff’. It’s only because Romeo just wants to find a connection. He likes stuff with meaning behind it. Not those meaningless relationships or small talk. He wants to find someone to give his all. Obv these ppl has shown him that when Romeo is proper and polite, just like the way he usually presents himself towards strangers, they like him but not when he’s being his passionate self and so they don’t deserve his heart. ‘Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane’ Lots of ppl misunderstands his passionate self as ‘crazy’. But that’s just how he feels his feelings. Whether he’s sad, happy, or angry. It’s all because he has all this passionate energy to use up. Now here’s the kicker: he doesn’t give up to find that connection. He knows he’ll most likely get his heart broken again but he’s resilient. 
Lover. Yes, yes, we’ve made it perfectly clear that he’s a hopeless romantic. But this song specifically resonates with him. ‘Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?’ Romeo never half asses anything when it comes to getting to know others. He will go out of his way to listen to your laughter and sorrows because he loves the human personality. He thinks it’s so complex and amazing. Sometimes in one conversation he can really get a lot of information from someone. ‘With every guitar string scar on my hand, I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover’ After all that disappointment he is still determined to love. Like I said before he’s resilient when it comes to these things. ‘Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever?’ Once you got his love he will stick with you forever. This might be in a way calling him clingy and maybe he is. But that’s just how he shows his loyalty towards someone. And the rest of the song is basically what it’s like for Romeo to be in love and to be loved by Romeo. Beautiful and at peace, like you’re floating on clouds and everything in the world doesn’t matter anymore.
...Ready For It. Haha yes this sounds like a stretch but bare with me. ‘But if he’s a ghost, then I can be a phantom. Holding him for ransom, some’ I feel that despite the ‘bad impression’ he’s given ppl that left him, he did left some form a good mark on them too. Some have tried to insert themselves back in his life, realizing that maybe Romeo isn’t as bad as they thought he was. Of course, there are others that don't, which is always fine for Romeo’s end because he does understand that he’s ‘not for everyone’. ‘In the middle of the night, in my dreams. You should see the things we do, baby’ Despite his openness to love anyone, he does have his own standards. A vivid version of the kind of ppl he would like to share his heart with but he doesn’t over stretch himself to get them to like him other than maybe the usual meeting a person for the first time.
Don’t Blame Me. ‘Don't blame me, love made me crazy. If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right’ Let me tell you that when it comes to forming a connection/relationship, it really brings out Romeo’s true colors. And I’ve said before that that’s when ppl start leaving him bcs he doesn’t like his passion being executed in a lot of aspects of his other personality. He’s considered ‘crazy’ for that. ‘Lord, save me, my drug is my baby, I'd be using for the rest of my life’ But when it comes to connecting to the right ppl, he will shine and thrive. Maybe he’ll use this opportunity to finally be himself without fearing that these ppl will leave his as well. ‘For you, I would cross the line’ and then there’s the priceless loyalty towards those ppl that I've mentioned. Yeah, Romeo will do anything for the ppl he loves.
This Is Me Trying. It’s how I think Romeo in his low would look. I’ve mentioned before that his mental health sometimes hits very low that he can barely do anything. It looks more like everything that he does is so tiring and all he can do is just stay in bed. He wants someone to know that he’s trying his best to get up just to brush his teeth or get some food. He wants someone to know that he’s trying his best. As much as he wants to, he can’t get through a day like that all alone. He needs someone else to be the one telling him to do things because days like these are usually when Romeo can’t bare to listen to himself. A simple ‘I’m proud of you’ from someone else can be enough to get him to other things that seems difficult. But hey, he’s trying.
To quickly sum it up: Love story is how he views love to be (young, beautiful, yet stupid in the same way) and he proudly embraces it. Invisible String is how he believes in soulmates to cope with the disappointment he faces from ppl that don’t like his true colors. Wonderland is how he tends to get over excited when it comes to ppl that show any form of attention towards him that can be viewed as affection plus how he likes to pretend to be in a world where it’s okay for him to be clingy. Blank Space is how his passionate soul somehow turns him into a crazy person that can’t make a connection with others last. Lover is for how he feels/looks when Romeo does love. ...Ready For It is for how he leaves different kinds of marks on the people he had once connected in the past. Don’t Blame Me is for how the people he wants to connect to brings out his true colors and how he will thrive when the person he connects with is the right one. This Is Me Trying is how Romeo looks like when he’s in his lowest moment and needs someone to support him.
If this doesn’t make any sense then I’m sorry just ignore this pls:)
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wintaejk · 4 years
Text
Jungkook’s FIC REC | OS 1
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Because I spend a lot of time here on tumblr reading fanfictions, I wanted to create my own fic recs. Like that, I can recommend fictions that deserve more recognition and at the same time, if I want to reread one of them, I just have to come here.
Everything on this list is about Jungkook. And of course, all those works have been written by the authors I tagged next to the name of the fictions, they do not belong to me (and if the authors want me to remove their work from my rec, I will). 
I also want to thank the authors. I really appreciate all your works and efforts to create all those beautiful stories. I send you all of my love.
(f) = fluff
(a) = angst
(m) = mature
Stories will be sorted by length, by theme, and for the series, by progression (complete or uncomplete).
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college au
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  — Poison (F) (A) — by @byeoltoyuki
You can’t decide whenever you hated or loved Jungkook. Either way you couldn’t say no to him.
college au | enemies to lovers | +3k
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— One more night (F) (A) (M) — by @byeoltoyuki​
In which when Jimin told you to have fun, he didn’t exactly mean to bang his friend.
college au | enemies to lovers | +12k            
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— Blue Raspberry (F) — by @strawbxxymilk
Jungkook asks you to live life on the wild side.
college au | enemies to lovers | -1k
— Soulmate Culture (F) (M) —
Part II of Blue Raspberry.
 college au | enemies to lovers | +2k            
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—  flick or treat (M) — by @junqkook 
You hate jeon jungkook with every fiber of your being; but arousal doesn’t discriminate between like and dislike.
college au | enemies to lovers | fratboy!jungkook | +3k
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—  50% Cotton (F) (M) — by @perpetually-jungshook
ShyKook. You keep “accidentally” borrowing Jungkook’s jacket until one day he shows up to retrieve it.
college au | friends to lovers | +6k
—  50% Polyester (M) (F)  —
Shy boy Jungkook is ready for his first time. Kind of. Sequel to 50% Cotton.
college au | friends to lovers | +5k
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—  Set On You (F) (M) — by @bymoonchild
Sports has never been your thing, so when you find yourself in a sports hall that reeks of perspiration and cologne and in front of a group of volleyball players whom you’re supposed to be managing (heck, you can’t even manage your own life), you know that you’re in Deep Shit™. Especially when Jeon Jungkook, the golden setter of the team aka the boy who holds stars in his eyes, starts to occupy your reveries, slowly becoming both the quiet and pandemonium of your heart.
college au | volleyball au | +18k
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—  Play Pretend (M) (A) — by @seokoloqy
Walking under ladders, splitting the pole, breaking mirrors, going near black cats—just to name a few things Jeon Jungkook doesn’t do before his soccer games.
And after Jungkook catches his girlfriend cheating on him, he’s going to need a little more than luck to get her back. He needs you.
college au | fake dating au | friends to lover | soccer player!jungkook | +8k
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—  Click, Click (M) — by @seokoloqy
Who knew someone else’s dick pic would get Jungkook his first blowjob?
college au | friends to lovers au | virgin!jk | +2k
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—  Teasing (M) — by @letspurpletogether
The one where your study partner is just too cute you can’t resist teasing him.
college au | inexperienced partner!jungkook | +3k
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—  Curiosity (F) (M) — by @hobidreams​
When innocent Jungkook comes to you with a not-so-innocent question… you decide it’s easier to just demonstrate.
college au | best friend’s brother!jungkook | +3k
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—  Stay Quiet (F) (M) — by @hobidreams​
You think the library is only a place for studying, Jungkook convinces you otherwise.
college au | established relationship au | +2k
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—  Will You Make a Mess Now? (F) (M) — by @softyoongiionly​
Jungkook’s never been touched before and, after a hectic end to his semester, he thinks he wants that to change…
college au | established relationship au | virgin!jungkook | +4k
—  Can I Make a Mess Now? (F) (M) —
Jungkook’s never had sex before but, after realizing that he’s falling in love with you, he thinks he wants that to change.
college au | established relationship au | virgin!jungkook | +4k
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—  i wished i missed my ex (F) (A) (M) — by @angelguk​
College was hard enough without having a crazy ex on your back too.  At least you weren’t the only one with that problem. Jeon Jeongguk, your best friend had a girl chasing after him too. You didn’t think your problems were intertwined, until Jeongguk comes up with the solution to solve them both at once. Two birds with one stone. Easy enough. Until the stone hits your heart too.
college au | friends to lovers au | fake dating au | 18k
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—  in your arms tonight (M) — by @angelguk​
Late nights with Jeongguk end in great sex and love confessions (or the one where he has a thing for you in his clothes).
college au | established relationship au | domestic au | +5k
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—  if i told you (F) (A) — by @gukyi​
In order to pay for university, Jeon Jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. Donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. All while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.
college au | friends to lovers au | 22k
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—  Worth the Wait (F) (A) (M) — by @sketchguk​
You have an unwritten rule about swearing off relationships to pursue your studies, but your willpower wavers when you meet Jeongguk, the barista with commitment issues and a soft spot just for you.
college au | barista!jungkook | strangers to friends to lovers | +13k
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—  Daydream (F) (A) (M) — by @luffles424​
You never thought that simply waking up your best friend would lead to something more.
college au | best friends to lovers | +7k
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—  Hold You Tighter (F) — by @gukwluv​
Jeongguk doesn’t want to take Taehyung’s advice, but when he’s falling asleep in class, he think he might have to. Although he was not expecting the pretty girl that woke him up in said class, to be the one that Taehyung calls for help ; alternatively Jeongguk loves cuddling and you just happen to as well.
college au | strangers to lovers au | cuddle buddy au | +5k
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  —  soft touch (M) — by @minnpd​
Jungkook needs to practice a massage on you before his final exam.
college au | friends to lovers | massage therapist!jungkook | +3k
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—  you are in love (F) (M) — by @diortae​
You recount the last six months of your relationship with jeongguk. Alternatively, “you are in love” by taylor swift in fanfic form.
college au | established relationship | +4k
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—  an abundance of mondays (F) (A) (M) — by @diortae​
“why the fuck would it be easy? you’re disgustingly in love with your best friend. of course it’s complicated.” he pauses to roll his eyes, as if he hasn’t just laid out the most secret parts of you here in the middle of the campus dining hall.
alternatively, it’s an old cliche, falling in love with your best friend. it’s a shame none of the stories ever told you it would feel like this.
college au | childhood friends to lovers | 15k
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—  Ace (F) (A) (M) — by @hijoonie​
Jungkook only cares about three things: Baseball, painting and his team, but soon he’s adding you to that list when love comes flying at him fast and hard, knocking him right on his ass.
college au | baseball au | athlete!jungkook | artist!jungkook | +24k
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—  one time, in your room (F) (M) — by @ubemango​
There are papers to write, and virgins to daydream about. (You can think about Jeongguk’s dick later.)
college au established relationship +17k
prequels: fingering  -  the game update -  wake up! sequels: hitting it from the back -  with a Hitachi wand -  overstimulation
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roommate au
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— Euphoria (F) (A) (M) — by @seokstrivia​
There was always a sign on Jungkooks’ door that said something along the lines of, ‘Warning; I am naked in here. Do not enter unless you’re ready to see a whole lot of dick.’  
or, that one roommate au where Jungkook is a cocky bastard.
roommate au | enemies to lovers | +7k
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— Microwave (Mis)adventures (F) (A) (M) — by @bymoonchild​
Out of all things to be afraid of, Jungkook, the seat-stealer of your 8am class and annoying housemate whom you despise with every fiber of your being, chooses to have a phobia of microwaves, but he loves buying microwaveable food – because come on, they’re irresistible – and you somehow find yourself getting dragged into his microwaves (mis)adventures. Cue chaos, sarcasm-laced banter and an unplanned romance.
roommate au | college au | enemies to lovers | 20k
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— heartbreak trials (A) (M) — by @dreamyjoons​
It all started with a bet: the one with the highest body count would get the most illustrious prize - Namjoon’s bedroom. For you and Jungkook, the race was on.
roommate au | enemies to lovers | +13k
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— Itch (F) (M) — by @ironicarmy​
During a study session, your roommate Jungkook becomes hell-bent in showing you a good time – especially after discovering you’ve never been touched.
roommate au | college au | friends to lovers | virgin!reader | +8k
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— Piss Off Your Parents (F) (A) (M) — by @littlemisskookie​
In an effort to piss off your parents you move in with their worst nightmare- a boy with tattoos, a rock band, and an irresistible charm.
roommate au | fake dating | bad boy!jungkook | +16k
Commentary - This story is for me a must-read for more than one reason. Let’s begin with maybe badboy!jungkook? Yes, we all love a good tattooed, badass jk, but as much as I can remember, this is the first time badboy jungkook is approached like that. Jungkook has all the attire of the baddie, but not the behavior that usually goes with it. We discover a bad boy that respect people, that is not fucking around like a horndog, and who doesn’t to stick his stick in any and every hole he finds. This is very refreshing and pleasant.                           Also, I want to take a moment to appreciate fully the way the dialogues are written. I particularly enjoyed them while reading the fiction. Why? I don’t really know… Was it the repartee of the two main characters? The analyze of the world they live in? The constant flirt and the slow burn? Or even the style in itself? Honestly, it’s probably a mix of all of that.                           Finally, let’s say this fiction is smartly emphasizing and kind of fighting all the clichés we can find in fanfictions. And what is best to fight cliché than writing one yourself? Yes, this fiction is definitely a must-read!
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— Somnolent (F) — by @forgottenpasta
After spending one night in bed with you, Jeongguk finds out he is unable to sleep unless you’re sleeping with him.
roommate au | friends to lovers | +3k
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— Laundry Day (M) — by @jinjikook 
jeongguk always pioneered one household chore: laundry. now why he had such an affinity for it, you had no idea. that is, until you come home and he lost track of time, causing you to stumble upon him in the midst of something strange and yet altogether intriguing.
roommate au | domestic au | 5k
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— Blizzard (F) (M) — by @curly-bangtan
When a blizzard hits your town, you and your shy awkward roommate are forced to spend time together, not being able to leave the house due to the strong snowstorm. To make matters worse, the power gets cut in the middle of his shower. Which also means no heating.
roommate au | domestic au | strangers to lovers | virgin!reader | +15k
— Blizzard : let it snow (F) —
It’s holiday season, and you have yet to disclose your new romance with Jungkook to the rest of your friends. But during your traditional Christmas gathering night filled with food, Love Actually and mistletoe, each of the six of them discover your secret relationship with your shy roommate one by one in ways that you dread…
roommate au | domestic au | established relationship | +8k
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— threats and paybacks (M) — by @pantaemonium
Jeon Jungkook. Art major in the University of Seoul. Passive-aggressive little shit and gamer extraordinaire.
It was that person—that phenomenal specimen of a human—the one you shared a tiny apartment with. No one hated Jeon Jungkook, no one in the entire planet could ever do, for he was lovely all around. You did not hate him. That was not it. The one and only problem Jeon Jungkook presented was that he was a terrible roommate, and that bowl of cereal was the last straw.
roommate au | college au | 14k
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neighbors au
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— not quite strangers (F) (A) (M) — by @seokwaves
there are two things that you very much hate in this world; first being woken up in the evening, second being woken up in the morning – and jeon jeongguk, the stranger a.k.a the guy who lives across your shitty apartment does just that, every single fucking time.
neighbors au | +19k
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— neighbors (M) — by @btssmutgalore
When your hands are full, a cute neighbor lends a helping hand.
nighbors au | +6k
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— sugar coated (F) (M) — by @guksheart
jeon jungkook, aspiring singer, works at a bakery with nothing but cupcakes and satisfied customers to occupy his time. one day, his next-door neighbor strolls into the shop with tears in her eyes, and his heart cannot help but worry why.
neighbors au | bakery au | +10k
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— the underwear thief (F) (M) — by @gukyi
jeon jungkook would like to make one thing very clear: it’s not his fault.
neighbors au | strangers to lovers | 10k
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— FEELS LIKE SUMMER (F) (A) (M) — by @badbhye
You only have one question on your mind this summer: when did Jeon Jungkook get abs?
neighbors au | borither’s best friend | +16k
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friends to lovers
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— Frost Impressions (F) (A) (M) — by @fortunexkookie
Granny Park’s Gossip:
Now, don’t start thinking anything about Jeon. He’s a good boy, of course, my sweet Jimin wouldn’t be friends with anything less, and he’s a damned good P.E. teacher, but he’s a rapscallion if I’ve ever seen one. Always putting his foot in his mouth in one way or another. My lovely grandson already told me about how he’s offended that new math and science teacher down at the school, you know the one, got hired as a replacement when they fired the last one? Yes, her. And Jiminie told me that Jeongguk’s been avoiding her ever since, the hellion. You just gotta shake your head at behavior like that.
Alternative Summary: Jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade.
teacher au | gamer au | friends to lovers | enemies to lovers | +41k
Commentary - I put this fiction in the ‘friends to lovers’ section, but I could have placed in so many others. Because literally, this fiction has it all.                          First of all, the best friend to lovers au coupled with a gamer au and internet friends au. Honestly, just that should be enough for you to go read it.                          But in the case you need more, I can also talk about that teacher au. That enemies to lovers au. You will find shy and embarrassed Jungkook. And the humor. The humor. The humor.                          Yes, this fiction is smart. And funny. I think this is honestly one of the funniest fiction ever. I don’t remember ever laughing so much while reading a fiction. This is truly the kind of stories that will make a rough day a little lighter. And it is even better when you read it in your bed at 1am.                          So yes, you should 100% read it. And if you want more or need more when you are done, you also can go read Ryn’s other fics or the other stories of The Snowball Effect.
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— in between blurred lines (F) (A) (M) — by @seokwaves
Jeon Jeongguk has been your bestfriend ever since you were fetuses—no, that’s kind of weird (but you get the point)—and you were there with each other as you slowly discovered the (not so) wonders of the world. Your bestfriendship is cool; you cuddle a lot, you have movie nights whenever you’re free, you let him poop while you’re showering and he does the same. For almost two decades of friendship, you only ever think of him as the child you’ve raised ever since elementary until Taehyung said that Jeongguk had a crush on you since you were 11. Uh oh.
best friends to lovers | college au | 20k
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— jasmine (M) — by @btssmutgalore
Jungkook always tries to hide his crush on you, but unfortunately, he can’t control what happens while he’s sleeping.
friends to lovers | 12k
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— Ruin the Friendship (M) — by @kpopfanfictrash
your drunk ass best friend keeps calling you to take care of him and it wouldn’t be so awful, if it weren’t for The Feelings.
best friends to lovers | college au | +8k
— Over the Edge (M) —
so, you’re dating. everything is dandy, the sex is knocking your socks off, but what happens when you get in the First Real Fight?
established relationship | sequel to Ruin the Friendship | +9k
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— the best part of me is you (F) (A) (M) — by @yourdelights
Having been best friends since childhood, you’re an expert in all things Jungkook. You know everything about him, from how he took his coffee to the sound of his laugh after a successful prank. There was no part of him that you didn’t know like the back of your hand, or so you thought. Your view on things gets a bit skewed after discovering the one secret Jungkook had kept from you: he’s a camboy.
best friends to lovers | camboy!jungkook | 9k
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— A Happy Accident (M) — by @taetaesbaebaepsae
You accidentally send nudes meant for your friend with benefits Hoseok to Jungkook.
friends to lovers | college au | +2k
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— Something in the Water (F) (M) — by @vankoya
Sleeping in is a foreign concept to Kim Taehyung and his awkward, mismatched gang of pals. This is made all the more apparent when they rock up at ___’s doorstep at the ass crack of dawn, as if it is a natural time for any college student to be awake.
But when she is informed that it was the youngest of their group who insisted she join them on their spontaneous camping trip, she is suddenly not as reluctant to play along than when she was first awakened by her enigma of a best friend, slamming his fist against her front door.
friends to lovers | camping au | college au | +25k
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established relationship au
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— Lollipop (M) — by @btssmutgalore​
“I’ll eat it however I want to,” you smirked at him, but he was still trying to pretend he wasn’t paying attention to you. “What are you gonna do about it?”
established relationship  | +1k
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— bare necessities (F) (M) —  by @gguksgalaxy
“When you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to Disneyland out of all places. Luckily, Jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. Or is it…” 
established relationship  | +11k
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— Concealed Weapons (M) — by @gimmesumsuga
Jungkook turns out not to be quite who you thought he was, and your reaction takes you both by surprise.
marriage au  | mafia au  | 10k
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— Movie Night (F) (M) — by @btsaudge 
Jungkook tells you about his kinks during movie night.
established relationship  | slice of lice  | -1k
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— it’s a stick up (F) (M) — by @sweetheartjeongguk
maybe jungkook shouldn’t accept help from taehyung anymore, especially in the form of “magical boner pills”.  
established relationship  | +4k
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— second to none (M) — by @minnpd
He went silent as his undivided attention is geared toward the box. The unmistakable sound of cardboard ripping made you roll your eyes at his impatience. Whatever was inside was rattling around haphazardly and you were about to scold his carelessness when his sudden silence threw you for a loop. You poke your head above the countertop and what you see has your stomach dropping.
established relationship  | +5k
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— Sanctified (F) (A) (M) — by @mikroparadise
Jungkook’s been away on tour, and you’ve really missed him. But when you try to show him just how much, he doesn’t reciprocate the way you’d like, and it makes you question whether the problem is you.
established relationship | rockstar!jungkook | +12k
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— low libido jk drabble (M) — by @hobiwonder​
imagine dealing with low libido jungkook bc he’s been stressed about exams or smth.
established relationship | college au
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idol au 
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— Rejection (A) (M) — by @jjungkookislife​
Going out to a club with your friends from BTS wasn’t supposed to end up with you admitting your feelings for Jungkook.
idol au | friends to lovers | +9k
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— (1) Missed Call (M) — by @seokoloqy​
He never has time to pick up his phone while on tour, so you leave him innocent voicemails instead. But, when did your mundane voicemails suddenly get so interesting?
idol au | established relationship | +1k
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— take my hand (F) (A) — by @cupofteaguk​
in which you lose your memory in a car crash, and Jungkook desperately tries to keep both of your lives intertwined. this in itself proves to be a challenge, especially when you can only remember him as the idol you once adored from afar.
idol au  | (ex) established relationship | 11k
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— Turned Around (F) — by @worldwidebt7​
The work you did for the magazine production company you were employed by often had you running circles about the building to please them. However, during one such time, you are surprised to find a very handsome, very lost-looking Korean idol wandering about…
idol au  | +10k
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hybrid au
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— Under the Bridge (F) (A) (M) — by @jincherie​
Your life takes a turn for the better one night when you find a bun under the bridge.
hybrid au | bunny!jungkook | +10k
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— bedroom kitten (M) — by @kookswife​
“you’re only mine now”
hybrid au | cat!reader | +6k
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— Cardboard Castle (F) (M) — by @kittae​
Moving in together tends to trigger stress-induced arguments, that’s not a secret. When the tension runs high in not the best ways possible during the setup of your new Ikea bed, your feline boyfriend copes by making a fort from empty cardboard moving boxes. All sorrows are less with a movie and popsicles!
hybrid au | established relationship | cat!jungkook | +6k
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— Hopping Mad For You (F) (M) — by @readyplayerhobi​
For two years you’ve lived with your rabbit hybrid roommate, Jungkook. He’s been a model roommate and you’ve found yourself with little complaints. But his behaviour lately has been a little…unusual.
hybrid au | roommate au | rabbit!jungkook | +9k
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soulmate au
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—  the violet hour (F) (A) — by @guksheart​
in a world where a mark completes itself when you are introduced to the love of your life, jeon jungkook is convinced that he is fated to die alone. here’s a hint, though - he’s wrong.
soulmate au  | +6k
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—  Bells (F) — by @taetaesbaebaepsae
Jungkook gets tinnitus around the same time he gets a big crush on you, and it turns out it’s related.
soulmate au  | idol au  | +1k
358 notes · View notes
missorgana · 4 years
Text
some kind of love story
pairing: finn/poe dameron
fandom: star wars (sequel trilogy)
rating: general
word count: 2282
summary: Finn might have met a real life Disney prince. And he forgot his jacket. (coffee shop AU)
(it’s midnight so,, technically day 5 BUT this is my fic for day 4 of my finnpoe week uwu. this is not beta read and kind of stupid but i was having cinderella thoughts for some reason?? hope yall enjoy this!)
read on ao3
Out of all things that could happen on Finn’s part time job, meeting a cute guy wasn’t one he anticipated.
Of course, he meets people here all the time. There’s a steady stream of new students coming and going, working for a few months and quitting because of stress, or because they quit their studies altogether.
Finn’s been here for almost half a year now, though, and found it a comforting place, as sleep deprived as he may be on his shifts.
He mostly works alongside Rey, who became his best friend in less than a week of the two meeting, and Rose, who was more quiet but utterly charming once they opened up to each other.
So work can’t be that bad with them around, is his point.
But when it comes to the customers, it’s unusual that he’ll talk this much to any of them, even fellow students, really.
Obvious pleasantries are always exchanged when his classmates happen to stop by, but again, when Finn’s working, his mind usually stays behind the counter.
He can’t possibly pinpoint the reason why this guy is special.
Well, okay, that’s a lie, because the curly haired stranger who walks in that morning looks like a Disney prince, thick brows and calloused knuckles once he grabs the cappuccino Finn made him.
That’s probably why. Truth be told, this person also seemed interested in much more conversation than the usual lot, and his subjects of conversation are probably also a factor in what drew him towards him.
It’s when Finn writes his order down on the cup, as one does, and the handsome man on the other side of the counter says, “Woah, buddy! You drew that?”
Typical of him to leave his notepad laying around for everyone to see.
Finn blushed, because it’s such a rare, personal thing for him to show his art, pretty much the only ones outside his teacher and fellow art students who’s seen it is Rey. And even that took a lot of begging on her part.
But he nods, the other man having to move aside for customers, but soon enough, this stranger approaches him when he’s finally free, at least for five minutes, and they may accidently longer than allowed when Finn is, you know, working.
“You study art?” is what he asks next, and suddenly, he’s complimenting him on the way he drew the features on the face of Taylor Swift, and telling Finn about music, the one he’s studying himself.
Of course, he looks taken out of an indie band, Finn ponders.
Also, yes, he likes Taylor Swift. The stranger laughs warmly, which might’ve been a bad sign, only he’s asking for his favorite album.
This conversation takes him out of everything he was thinking about.
Finn comes back to that thought when Rey calls him a nerd and urges him to help her out with the machine, so sadly, he’ll excuse himself.
Something inside his head makes him watch whoever this man is. Small peeks.
He’s typing away, headphones in, wearing bracelets on the right hand, tapping his chin, presumably when he’s thinking.
Alright, maybe that’s quite enough observation.
He’s wearing a red scarf, though, and a jacket that has definitely seen better days, and Finn might feel funny about all the times this guy fixes his hair, blowing strands out of his face.
He finds himself hoping he never gets a haircut, because God, there’s something about it.
The man almost looks golden in the morning light.
And he even catches Finn glancing over one time, which, embarrassing, if he didn’t wink back at him.
Okay, that definitely sparked something under his skin. In his brain, or his heart, or something.
Finn is far from a poet, clearly.
This chance encounter can’t possibly stir up something like a crush in him, he tells himself, someone he’s met for approximately half an hour, and yet, his attention keeps going back to him.
He’s captivating, and not just because Finn thinks he could definitely be a heartthrob folksinger if he wanted to. Maybe he’s already working on that, who knows.
So imagine the halt when he turns his gaze towards this mystery, who he definitely felt the eyes of when his back was turn, not that he can confirm it or anything, and finds an ever so empty chair staring back.
Oh well, business as usual.
Rey’s rants of her history professor, and discussions of their visit to Han and Leia’s next week easily take his mind off it.
Maybe he just imagined this too beautiful to be true stranger, Finn reasons, although Rey definitely told him to “Quit staring at the customers!”
He’s got a suspicion she definitely knows there was only one customer, in this scenario, she laughs at him like it, anyway.
It’s by 4pm, end of Finn’s shift and time for him to press some sketching in before a late dinner, his usual Sunday night, that he finds it.
A remnant of whatever happened this morning, and proof that no, he definitely didn’t imagine a dreamy customer admiring a simple doodle he left unsupervised.
Red patches on lapels and sleeves practically points the jacket out for him, still placed neatly over the back of the dark leather armchair.
The mystery man forgot his jacket.
Well, Finn can’t just leave it here, can he? 
So maybe he reluctantly places it in their shit yall forgot box, title proudly credited to Rey, strangely hoping he’ll be there when it gets picked up.
Rose’s obsession with romantic novels might be rubbing off on him, he assumes.
Only explanation.
Finn solely drinks iced latte, but for some reason, he surprises Rose and himself by trying out that cappuccino they sell so many of.
It’s alright. He’s been accustomed to cold coffee for forever, now.
The stranger who was here last week is not a cause of this random change, of course. It’s not wrong to expand your horizons, after all, like his professor’s told them.
But speaking of that stranger, his jacket’s still in the box.
He would find it strange, someone not urging to get their stuff back, but at the same time, Finn doesn’t know if he’s studying at the same university, or area.
Probably not.
He’s got to admit to himself that he would have noticed. Or he thinks so, at least.
Thinking of this guy somehow makes him fidget with his notes, and furrow his brow, just slightly, when thinking about their meeting.
Not something repeated to Rose, albeit she’ll love a story like this.
It’s like this, Finn thinks, some love stories start. He’s being kind of cheesy right now. But they have that intimacy of the other seeing his art already, not on purpose, but he can’t find the annoyance he’d usually feel.
Instead, the compliments rack up everything else inside his brain.
Rey will definitely bug him about this if he tells her. Demand an extended version of the tale, or possibly sigh at the tragedy of her girlfriend and best friend both being hopeless romantics.
Might as well call it what it is.
The Disney prince, that’s what he names him in his head, he doesn’t return this weekend.
It’s a stupid thing to focus on, Finn knows.
But the jacket’s still lying there, which is honestly too bad. He’s got a feeling about those patches, the thread, the rainbow pin on the chest pocket.
Some kind of secret history.
Maybe he’s hyperfixating, but he’d like to know more.
Or maybe Finn just wants the damn jacket to be picked up.
Another week passes by until Finn lets his thoughts slip to Rey.
She’s amused and thrilled, which is just about what he expected. Told him to “Check the damn jacket for a label of ownership, a phone number, something.” but he’s almost scared to break his fantasy if he touches it.
Very similar observation he’s doing to when they met.
Rose asks him about it, of course, it was only a matter of time.
“Weird he hasn’t come back for it?”
Echoing his thoughts. This prince Charming figure he has in head keeps expanding, Finn making up theories of what he could be doing.
Is this fantasizing normal?
Rey just laughs when he asks, Rose wholeheartedly approves, exactly like it’s done in Hollywood films, Han mumbles about something about the youth.
Leia tells him Han was exactly the same, so that’s some relief.
Finn’s thinks he’s got whatever this streak of thought is under control, figuring it’ll pass, figuring he’ll find the jacket gone one morning, that this obsession doesn’t mean anything. Couldn’t mean anything.
Only he decides to sketch a new face, one he recognizes as a man he’s only met once, and Finn just has to finish it once he started.
Okay, now it might be getting embarrassing.
Also, hot coffee might not be too bad, he confirms. Rey’s shocked, to say the least, even the boss bats an eye.
It’s significantly less sweet than his usual, which is huge minus in his mind, but somehow, there’s still a charm about it.
Finn is scared he might be consumed with the idea of this guy. He’s really not a damsel in distress, as much as he feels like one.
He wonders what the man’s voice sounds like, when he sings that is.
And why he doesn’t get his jacket back, already.
Is Finn getting impatient? 
Rey even asks him, after three weeks with no sign, “Your eye candy’s still not back?”
He can’t quite glare at her, but a pout she should see, it’s what she deserves, because he can’t really help it.
Finn doesn’t dare to touch the jacket, no, because it’s personal property, and he’ll feel gross about it.
Is this anticipation the same as in those fairytales? Like, did Cinderella feel this after meeting a prince? Prickling hands, a knot in the stomach, biting the bottom lip?
What a silly thing. But he can’t pretend he doesn’t enjoy it, a little bit. This isn’t like the first date he was on, in any way, weirdly.
A tad more magical.
The drawing is almost finished, though.
It doesn’t have a name. That’s another thing Finn’s missing, a name.
And suddenly, Finn’s fantasy gets thrown out the window, for something more real.
That is, after those three weeks without a clue, his thoughts straying towards things he’s never thought of before, mind buzzing for almost anything, the proclaimed Disney prince finally shows up.
Thoroughly unexpected, by now, he was starting to make peace with the scenario of the jacket being forgotten.
Yet, here the perfect stranger with the perfect hair is.
Okay, perfect might be a strong word, he’s only seen him twice, after all. But Finn’s running out of words.
The guy’s standing there in all his glory, seemingly recognizing him, with eyebrows shooting up and a smile spreading on his features.
That made him feel something too, because of course it did.
This is why Rose nudges his shoulder, telling him she’ll handle the next couple of orders. That’s just a lot.
Finn doesn’t get time to think it over, because cute guy’s here, and before he can even ask for it, the jacket’s handed to him.
He laughs. Almost a glorious sound, Finn scolds himself since it’s just a laugh, but somehow, he’s feeling deprived of this sound.
Whatever this total stranger did to him, it’s clearly not going away anytime soon.
Good thing cute guy seems just as hesitant to leave as Finn feels about turning his back to this.
He thanks him, sincerely, and he replies with no problem, because it really wasn’t a problem, except this new thing in his mind that won’t go away is kind of a problem.
Now, he gets a name. Poe.
Finn doesn’t really know how he imagined the name to sound, but this is, also, perfect. He didn’t make up any names prior, because not many seemed to fit.
To be honest, the words glide off the tongue of real life Disney prince in front of him, telling Finn he was out of state and would have picked it up sooner.
That explains it.
Doesn’t explain Finn’s, uh, pining, as Rose called it. Seems irrational to himself.
This new acquaintance, Poe, does ask about that drawing he saw, if he’s finished it.
Well that’s embarrassing, because he’s worked on that portrait of a certain someone, instead.
Finn hates his brain.
That is, until, “I’ve kind of been thinking about you, so.”
He swears to his heart, to his whole body not to blush. He probably does, anyway.
They don’t really know what to do with each other, at this point, least of all since Rose calls for his help, but her voice sounds like she probably wants him to hurry and make a move, like they do in the movies.
Finn’s not a Disney princess, he’s never tried this before.
Not in this way, where he feels like this is once in a lifetime, a crush, he knows now, that might grow inside him to something more.
Poe does get the last word, telling him he has a concert coming up this Friday. Just as surprising as their previous encounter.
“I can play some Taylor Swift, if you wanna come?”
Okay, how can he turn that down, though?
That’s maybe going to settle this warm feeling in gut. The words in his throat. Who knows.
Rose makes him promise to tell him everything, and she wants to come to the concert for support, and Rey too, and the giddiness is all over her face.
You know what? Finn’s pretty excited, too.
19 notes · View notes
everythingoesnk · 5 years
Text
Once in Rockfield Farm (1/5)
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summary; you own Rockfield Farm and your bf Mary Austin asks you if you can help her friends with an enormous favour that will lead to a much bigger unprecedented change into your life. Thanks to a cute guy specifically.
word count; 6 126
disclaimers, PLEASE read them; don’t forget this is fiction. i’m using queen‘s 70s era as a base for the story but it won’t be historically accurate. the song mentioned towards the end of the chapter is from Taylor Swift, i don’t claim those lyrics as mine. sorry in advance if u find a f*cked up grammar mistake or whatever. feedback would mean everything, it’s the first time i’m posting something i’ve written it feels like i’m giving birth looool
warnings; minor violence at some point and mention of abuse
********
Mary didn’t stop until she convinced you to give green light to her proposal.
She called it like that, but it seemed more like an order. Both of you knew she wouldn’t let it pass until you agreed to.
Taken aback, you refused at first.
The idea of four strangers living in your house, coexisting with you in the only safe space you knew, wasn’t appealing whatsoever.
Even though all they needed was a studio to record, they’d have to stay until the album was finished. They could afford to rent a proper one, but Mary made it quite clear that getting out of town was crucial to avoid possible distractions.
You’d been fired from your job because the restaurant bankrupted, so the money they were going to pay for rent was welcomed.
Your grandfather passed Rockfield Farm on to you when he died.
It was a lovely place full of good memories, mainly concerning hours on end together in the studio he built in the attic throughout the years. The relationship you had with him had always been special, but ever since your nana passed away at the age of 70, your bond became stronger.
He also wasn’t there anymore, and you tried not to think too much about it, just were glad that you met someone like him. He was the main reason you loved making music so much.
Sadly, as you grew up, although your talent for writing songs and producing music was undeniable, you realized you needed to be realistic and pursue a more down-to-earth career.
Medicine was another thing you were slightly attracted to, it wasn’t your passion but it would have to do.
The music business was too complex and difficult to get in, and wasting your time wasn’t on your plans. It’s not like you were a prodigy or a diamond in the rough, anyway. That was your honest opinion.
But now and then you’d succumb and compose. It was an effective way to forget about the rest of the world and vent whenever something would make you sad, grumpy, anxious, angry… Rarely did you write about happy feelings.
What’s the fun in claiming how fulfilled you are with your life? Which you weren’t, but still.
Ballads and songs that’d leave you with your heart aching on the floor were your daily bread.
Mary was the only one allowed to hear your little creations. She’d try to get you to show them to the world, to step out of the comfort zone and perform them in public, to rush out of those same four walls.
You were quick to brush her comments off every time, content with her and your dog being the only ones to get to listen to your babies.
“How long they’re going to take?” you asked using a fake uninterested tone, pretending not to care whether they needed weeks, months or a year.
The truth was that you wished for the album to be done quite fast.
“Who knows,” Mary said. “When the album’s finished I’m the first to know, but in the meantime Freddie won’t give me any clues”
You nodded, unsatisfied with the answer.
“Thanks for agreeing to this. I owe you big” her eyes found yours and yours softened.
“If anything it’s them who do, don’t you think?”
Mary grinned and offered to cook something for tonight’s dinner.
She left you alone with your molecular pathology notes resting on your lap.
It was your last year in University, thank the Lord. One last effort and you would be a doctor.
After memorizing various concepts you found yourself staring at the horizon wondering how was Freddie Mercury like.
Obviously because of Mary you sort of formed this idea of him, but hadn’t had a face to face yet. About the other Queen members… yeah, Mary mentioned them sometimes, vaguely: she described John as a nice fella to have around, Brian as the only one with common sense, and last but not least, when it came to Roger’s personality, she told you hesitantly to judge him yourself.
You thanked her when she handed you the pen you forgot inside.
Mary gave you an encouraging smile, placing her hand on your shoulder and squeezing it.
As soon as she turned around to go back inside, you called her name, squinting your eyes to try and get a better sight of the vehicle that kept getting closer to your property.
“What?”
When she spotted the van she sighed happily.
“Finally”
Mary ran to wait for them in the parking area. She was over the moon, clapping and waving effusively to welcome them.
“Are you coming or not?” Mary shouted, gesturing you to go and stand next to her.
You took your time to get up from sitting upon the grass and do just that.
Not a single second since they pulled over went by and Mary was already imprisoning Freddie in her arms.
You chuckled, completely sure he would be dead in a matter of seconds if she wouldn’t loose her grip.
He lovingly wrapped her in his and stroked her hair.
All of a sudden, running from the backyard where he usually played in the mud (this time was no different), your dog appeared on scene. You asked him to remain quiet and by your side, which to your dismay he did not obey.
He went and greeted Queen, who pushed him away with no bad intentions, they just didn’t want to get dirt on their trousers.
John, nevertheless, got on his knees and began patting him. It did not take long for him to regret it when Sherlock seemed to be captivated by his face, licking it non-stop.
You cleared your throat. It would be nice of Mary to introduce you, being the one who organized this whole of a mess in the first place.
Apparently she read your mind. The next thing she did was link arms with you.
“This is (Y/N)” she spoke. “Freddie, come here”
“You have no idea how happy I am to finally meet you”
Freddie gave you two sweet kisses, one on each cheek.
“Same here” you nodded and mirrored his smile when you saw it reached his eyes.
In a heartbeat you were fascinated by him.
There was this intriguing strong aura he projected that made you feel like you were in the presence of someone from the royalty, someone important.
Freddie examined you from head to toe and fell in love immediately with your outfit, a pastel blue dress with tiny sunflowers printed all over it. He did spot your exposed feet and smiled pleasedly at your choice of painting your toenails with the colours of the rainbow.
“Boys, don’t be rude and come say hi” he gestured his bandmates, who were taking a rapid glimpse of their new temporary home, and stepped aside.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Brian”
“Nice to meet you too” you kindly responded, shaking his hand.
“Thank you very much for allowing us to record our album here. If we win a Grammy expect you to be the first one we address in the speech” he joked, face beaming with a heavenly smile.
Damn, you were so soft for him already. And you wanted to touch his curls.
“You’re welcome, Brian”
“Yes, we’re endlessly grateful” another gentle voice joined the conversation.
John stood now in front of you.
“Hi, I’m John Deacon”
“I know” you laughed, tilting your head to the side. “I hope your stay here is… productive”
“I hope so too” he smiled big, and it made your heart melt. He was so cute.
Roger was next.
He was wearing a black leather jacket that fit him like a glove. One silver bracelet hugging his right wrist, matching the necklace around the neck. What caught your attention the most was the glittery rosy shoes, though. He had long blond messy hair (like the others, except the colour part), and prominent sideburns.
They looked ridiculous, you thought, although every second you spent contemplating his face the less they bothered you.
He was gorgeous, what the hell?
You got somehow a little nervous.
“Productive it shall be. I’m Roger” he spoke, referring your words from before. He took your hand and held it to his lips. “We’ve come to the right place, guys. With such a pretty face like hers we’ll never run out of inspiration” he snorted when he heard John face-palming himself.
You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.
Sure Roger didn’t mean that at all, it was just his constant flirty mood Mary warned you about taking over him, you reasoned.
“Don’t get it started, Rog. We don’t want her to kick us out the very first day” Brian scolded him like a father would his children.
Roger laughed, his silly expression never fading away, and soon he was again observing you.
“I was joking, I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable,” he said, taking some of the heat out.
“It didn’t,” you said back, confident.
You followed the others when they headed to the house carrying their respective suitcases with Mary as the leader.
Roger was fast to grab his and catch up with you.
“You live alone?”
“I have Sherlock”
He was still in ecstasy, trying to get everyone’s attention.
“That’s it?”
“That’s it” you shrugged. “It’s not as tragic as it sounds. I enjoy my own company”
“Oh. Anyway. This is a farm, right? You do all the, huh… you know, farm work on your own?” he looked around, scanning a bit the surroundings. He pointed with his chin at one big rooster. “The guardian of the house, eh?”
You let out a vague chuckle that made Roger proud, already eager to make you like him.
The reason was obvious: you were so eyecatching he almost tripped when he missed one of Sherlock’s toys on one of the porch steps, too engrossed in how the sun made the freckles in your face stand out.
“My grandfather baptized this piece of land as Rockfield Farm, but it hasn’t been a proper farm for years. Now it’s just… my house”
“You know,” he began, digging deep around his mind to come up with something so the conversation wouldn’t end, “years ago I had this summer job in a much more immense place than this. I had to watch over 200 sheep every day”
“Was it as entertaining as it sounds?”
“Clearly not”
Roger extended his hand to stop the door from closing after John came in. He motioned you to go first and winked, but you didn’t notice the last part, which slightly bothered him.
“(Y/N), this place is precious!” you heard Freddie praise.
Mary interrupted you before you could thank him.
“Then you sure are going to love the studio even more! C’mon”
//
“How did your grandfather manage to get this studio together? It’s pretty impressive” Brian enthusiastically asked, taking a small sip of tea.
The six of you were now chilling in the living room. It was the perfect time for them to rest since the road trip had been long.
Moments before they finished unpacking and settling down, Mary and you gossiped in the kitchen. She remarked how attentive Roger acted towards you, and asked if you were into him.
“Are you stupid?” you couldn’t believe her. “We’ve known each other for what, ten minutes?”
“I was just wondering whether there was desire at first sight or something”
“Desire at first sight?” you repeated slowly, taking in every word.
“It was a softer way to ask if you’d give him a ride or not” she laughed watching you gesture her to lower it down. “I’m just asking because I can tell he would”
Before answering Brian, you looked over at Roger.
He’d taken off his jacket and was rolling up the sleeves of the white tee he wore underneath.
Your lips parted, finding that mundane action quite amusing and sexy on him.
You looked away, guilt taking over you for having stared too keenly. There was nothing wrong about it, and you couldn’t explain why you felt agitated. Maybe you were self-conscious about whether the others noticed.
Forcing yourself to remember Brian’s words and with a sense of pride, you smirked behind your cup, gazing at the wooden floor.
Your grandfather poured his soul into this studio, which he also referred to as a sanctuary. It made you happy to hear Brian acknowledging its value.
There were several electric and acoustic guitars, a generous collection of microphones your grandmother enjoyed saving, two trumpets, a synthesizer -to which Freddie and Roger scoffed loudly at-, a drumkit, one saxophone, and a bass.
Not to mention the tape machine that still worked perfectly plus the recording booth.
Mary told you that John Reid, who was looking after Queen at the moment, managed to convince the label to provide them with a significant amount of money. You assumed they’d brought enough tapes to record on, therefore yours would remain intact.
“He bought half of the instruments”
“The other half?” John inquired.
“He stole them” you answered, not much of a fan about it.
“Whew!” Roger whistled.
You took a short sip of the tea and turned slightly towards the window, presencing a flash of light.
“A piano?”
Freddie dropped the question with no high hopes.
“Pardon?” you turned your head and looked at him over your shoulder with your body still facing towards the window.
The head movement was so fast that a clip you wore to hold a fraction of hair in place loosened a bit, letting the lock to fell down your face.
Roger stared at you in awe.
The light illuminating the room had a warm cosy tone, which surely helped to make your skin look softer and smooth. He wasn’t aware of the heart eyes he was giving you, but Brian, John and Mary were.
When you batted your lashes, he looked away and saw Brian try and fail to hide a smile when they locked eyes. He’d been caught.
“Do you have a piano?” Freddie questioned again, eyebrows raised a little.
A tiny playful smile made its way to your lips.
“Of course I have a piano” you cockily answered.
When you saw Fred’s satisfied grin appear you instantly knew he liked you as much as you liked him. It wasn’t in the attic; you’d show it to him later.
To be honest, the piano was your favourite instrument to play. So delicate, so powerful and majestic.
“Excuse me for a second” you got up from your seat, everyone confused by your sudden urge to leave, but not alarmed.
That light from before wasn’t a bolt of lightning, you came to realize, it was a car that parked outside.
A little voice popped in your head guessing it could be him, but it couldn’t… right? There were approximately two hours from Cardiff to get there.
It sure was someone lost, or maybe they were stopping by to beg to use your bathroom because they couldn’t hold it in anymore. It wouldn’t be the first time.
“How about we start dinner? I’m starving” Mary added.
Their voices kept getting lower and lower as you crossed the corridor, oblivious to Roger’s eyes following your every move.
You stepped outside and closed the heavy door behind you, but not completely.
The silhouette of the last person you’d want to see in the entire world was leaning against a red car, one you did know very well because you lost your virginity in the backseat. He was humming to a tune you didn’t recognize, head facing downwards.
Picking at the fabric of the sweater you put on to forbid the cool air of the night from touching your skin, you opened your mouth.
“Leonardo!” you whisper shouted.
He definitely heard you, although he turned a deaf ear.
“Leo, what the fuck!”
“You’re a stupid whore”
Shit. He’s drunk? You prayed he wouldn’t make a scene, not now, with Mary and the guys around. The shame to have them complicit of whatever could possibly happen would be unbearable.
“You’re miserable” he went on with his speech, voice thick, which made it difficult for you to understand him.
You called it quits three months ago. Apparently he wasn’t any close to getting over the fact you ended it.
“Leave”
After what felt forever, he abruptly raised his head.
“What?” the expression on his face revealed he wasn’t happy.
What his eyes showed freaked the hell out of you: they revealed an intense desire, either with words or physically, to hurt you. He wasn’t sober, and you were aware that he had struggled with alcoholism when he was a teenager. It was fair to say Leonardo never put a finger on you in that way before, but alcohol was the push he needed to do it and his body was full of it now.
A lump formed in your throat.
“Get out of here”
“I just want to talk” lifting his hands up in an attempt to seem harmless, losing balance doing so, he took a few steps forward trying his best to sound convincing so you wouldn’t move and listen to him.
“I don’t want to hear what you have to say”
“How do you think I felt? Huh? When I saw you making out with that moron? You’re so selfish. A fucking slut, (Y/N). You disgust me”
That was the final straw. You promised you wouldn’t give in and start an argument, but he fucking did have to bring that up. He had the nerve to blame you for moving on and having some fun with a guy a few days ago at a party.
“Are you serious right now, Leo? How dare you?! We’re not together!” funny enough, this time it was you walking up to him not giving a damn anymore about the consequences.
When you raised your fist to punch him, even in his state, he managed to catch your wrist on time.
“How wrong you’ve done me” he hissed, tightening the grip. That’d leave marks for sure.
He pushed you against the car, causing your back to crack roughly. The situation was so tense not even the tears were brave to roll down your face, your vision blurry and unclear.
“Please, Leo!”
Mary’s voice never felt so good in your ears.
You totally forgot about them, that you could’ve screamed for help instead of dealing with Leo on your own, too absorbed in rage to be able to think things through.
“Do something, help her!” she pleaded the boys.
Four arms were fast to catch him and throw him to the ground.
Everything was happening so fast, almost as fast as your crazy heartbeats.
Brian came to you and held you by the shoulders, checking you out entirely, looking for bruises. He was asking repeatedly if you were alright, if that man dared to touch you. You could hear him, but it felt like he were miles away from you, his words echoing in the back of your mind.
Mary grabbed your arm and the two guided you, treating you like you had some kind of disability.
Before letting them drag you inside, you quickly turned your head to see what was going on, and saw a fuming Roger threatening Leo to disappear and never come back.
Freddie and John remained behind him in case he’d lose his temper. They looked at each other in astonishment; it was the first time they saw Roger like that.
“(Y/N)” Mary called you, once in the common room. “Fancy a glass of water?”
“I’ll be right back with it,” Brian said, his long legs taking him to the kitchen.
“Sit down, babe”
“I don’t want to. I’m fine”
She could perfectly see the tension in your shoulders.
“You’re not. But it’s fine, it’ll be fine” she sympathized, caressing your hair.
At this point you were lost for words. You were confused, angry, stunned.
“Here, take it. It’ll do you good, (Y/N). Is there anything else you n—” Brian began, offering you freshwater to maybe comfort you and make the knot you felt in your throat go away.
“For fuck’s sake!” you felt choleric. Maybe you were about to pass out.
Freddie, John and Roger came in and stopped dead in their tracks when they heard you complain.
Brian blinked a few times.
You were desperate for some time alone to process the last couple of minutes, but that wasn’t any excuse for you to take it out on Brian when all he wanted was for you to get better.
“I’m sorry” you lamented, ashamed at your behaviour, and took the glass not looking at anyone in the eye. That’s when you saw you were indeed shaking a little bit.
He smiled comprehensively, not giving too much attention to your outburst.
“Who the fuck was that?” Freddie wondered.
John elbowed him and mouthed “not now”.
“I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry you had to witness that” you sighed, choking back the agony.
“Don’t apologize. That piece of shit shouldn’t have treated you like that. He looked mad” Freddie condemned.
Another heavy sigh escaped your mouth when you saw everyone staring intently at you, hating the feeling of their unasked pity.
Roger hadn’t said a word. His muscles were tense, mind way too far from the scene recalling something from the past.
//
It’d been several weeks since Queen came to stay.
To your surprise you had no complaints. They helped you without hesitation with the housework and kept their rooms tidy. More or less. The only thing you could protest about was that after the sessions it seemed like the studio had been the target of a fateful hurricane.
However, they were too cute to stay mad at for more than ten seconds.
Coming out of your shell was easy because of them. It didn’t take you long to feel comfortable enough to show your true self instead of hiding in your room like you did the first three days.
Reading a book easily kept your mind busy, except now; it was unbearably hot outdoors and indoors. Without taking your eyes off the page, you held the Coca-Cola can against your neck seeking a refreshing sensation.
“Mind if I join?”
You lowered the sunglasses until they were fitted a little bit below the bridge of your nose. The sun was hiding behind a cloud now, making it easier to adjust your vision and get it focused on whoever that was.
A shirtless Roger stood before you, with a towel around his neck that he rushed to spread on the hammock next to yours.
His skin glowing due to the sweat made him look rather tempting.
Your brain lent a helping hand forcing you to smile and nod because you wouldn’t, couldn’t do that yourself.
A small grin tugged at his lips when he noticed your eyes on him longer than usual.
“You’re always studying, angel” he pointed out, lying down and crossing his arms above his head.
You let out a loud sigh you’d been holding in, cheeks red at the pet name he chose. Anytime he’d call you something sweet rather than by your name, it was always how you tended to react.
There was no denying that you’d sort of developed a small crush on him.
Nobody could blame you, though; the same thing would happen to any human being with feelings.
He always treated you as one of them, making sure you didn’t feel left out. His sense of humour was similar to yours, and you appreciated it when he included you in their plans even if he knew you were occupied with Uni and probably wouldn’t be able to join.
Also, he was hot as fuck. You swore you’d never seen a man so beautiful in your life so far.
“I have to if I want to pass my exams”
“Sure, but you’re always studying” he emphasized. “It cannot be healthy”
It couldn’t, but everything was so difficult and you were so lost at some points you thought the world as you knew it could end if you took the smallest break.
“(Y/N)”
“Tell me”
“Seeing you stressed out stresses me” he sat straight, took the book from you and shoved it away. “Fuck this. I suggest you have some fun before the pressure ages you”
“And what do you recommend, ay?” you questioned, crossing your arms across your chest.
“We could play Frisbee”
“Frisbee? Really?”
“Why not? I’m sure you’re not that bad” he teased, getting to his feet.
You faked a laugh and stood up.
“Don’t underestimate my skills”
He used his hand to mimic a mouth talking nonsense, and approached the pool since the frisbee was floating in the water. But he stopped when he felt he stepped on something, proceeding to lift his foot to see what it was.
Roger knelt down and picked a piece of paper up, which said in messy handwriting together with scribbles here and there: You tell me ‘bout your past, thinking your future was me.
His brows cocked in surprise and your eyes widened. You grabbed it out of his hand and held it close to your heart reflexively, as if protecting it. It must have flown out from within the pages of the book when he first threw it away.
Roger watched you curiously, crouched down still, as you breathed slow and deep avoiding eye contact. You could feel your face getting hotter.
He got up with an unnoticeable smile.
“That’s yours? It’s decent”
You waited for something to get out of your mouth, but this time your brain didn’t find a way to help you out, speechless at the fact that he liked it.
“Do you have more? I’d love to hear” he continued, glancing at you.
“Oh, n-no” you forced a laughter. “I don’t”
“I’m glad you’re not as bad as a lyricist as you are as a liar”
You gave him a dirty look and the corners of his eyes crinkled at that. He puppy-eyed you.
“Please?”
“No, Roger”
“We don’t protest when you’re in our recording sessions, you could return the favour”
“Excuse me? You’re in my goddamn house. Watch your tone”
He giggled, fascinated by how cute you turned out to be when poked at.
“What do I have to do for you to say yes?”
“Nothing. It’s not happening”
“(Y/N)!” he pleaded. “I want to hear you sing”
You shook your head.
“And I want to own all the dogs on the planet. Guess we’re both stuck”
Roger groaned in defeat and turned around to get his hands on the frisbee.
For some odd reason, it made your heart dance in your chest knowing he was willing to sit down with you and listen.
A sense of enthusiasm and confidence moved you and shockingly enough you found yourself considering the idea.
Roger gave you a quick head nod.
“Ready?”
You didn’t know what the hell you were doing but you whispered a small “okay”. It couldn’t be that bad, right?
“Take a few steps back first, you’re too close”
You pulled a face at him but quickly shook your head.
“I said I’ll do it”
Roger wasn’t getting it.
“Do w—“ he stopped mid-sentence, his sapphire eyes widening in understanding this wasn’t about playing Frisbee anymore. “Yes!” he took you in his arms and spun you around.
Since he was shirtless you could feel how well built he was. Although he wasn’t the most athletic man out there, apparently drumming on and on was enough to keep him fit.
“Rog, Rog! Enough! I’m feeling dizzy”
You were wearing a mini skirt that had a tiny slit on one of the sides. Seeing it rolled itself up a little you adjusted its length, avoiding any extra space to anyone’s imagination. Too late for Roger though.
When satisfied with how your skirt fitted, you looked up and saw a subtle wink roaming his lips.
“I’m ready when you are” he announced, bending over to grab his shirt and put it on.
At first your legs wouldn’t cooperate.
Roger followed you closely.
He saw you toy with your hair, questioning yourself why you agreed to do this when you weren’t a hundred per cent sure about it. He placed his hands on your shoulders and slowly massaged the back of your neck with his thumbs, relieving some of the pressure.
Every single hair of your body stood on ends.
“Don’t be nervous, love. We can drop it whenever you want” he conceded, tossing an arm around your shoulders.
Opening the door to the studio you felt sick, already regretting your decision.
Roger took a sit on the couch, watching you like you were about to do a mind-blowing performance that’d change the meaning of his life forever.
Feeling like a rat in a laboratory with the doctors waiting to see if the experiment was successful or not, you shifted weight from one foot to the other, discomfort intensifying.
The piercing electric blue of his eyes triggered something in you when they met yours. You didn’t know how but it seemed like he was speaking to you through them, encouraging and imploring you to open up to him.
“Take it easy, (Y/N). It’s not a big deal”
“It is for me”
You sank down on one of the chairs next to the control room, poorly trying to hide how intimidated you were.
“You’re singing, then? Or reading the lyrics out loud?”
“Singing” you muttered. God knows if you went downstairs to pick up your notebook you wouldn’t come back.
A very cheeky expression overtook his face.
“Okay, go ahead” he gestured, rubbing his chin.
You clenched your jaw and snapped your eyes shut. It was easier to do it if you weren’t looking. You’d just imagine it was your grandfather in the room with you instead.
“Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it I’d like to be my old self again But I’m still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone”
Roger’s fingers fidgeted at the sight of you tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, silently wishing it was him doing it.
He saw how your angelic features relaxed along to every word you sang. When it comes to your voice... He had to remind himself he didn’t die nor was leaving a dream, because it felt like he were in the very gates of heaven.
His breathing quickened, well aware he was witnessing something intimate.
Leaning closer, elbows resting on his knees, he allowed your voice to transport him to the place and time you were describing.
“But you keep my old scarf From that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence And it smells like me You can’t get rid of it
'Cause you remember it all too well”
You swallowed before opening your eyes and speaking.
“There’s more but that’s the part I’m most proud of”
Roger’d fallen silent, his brain on fire.
He seemed to be absent, daydreaming probably.
Your heartbeat could make you go deaf any second, partly because you allowed him to have a peek at your heart partly because you were dying to know if he was any positive about it.
“You sounded like an angel” he stated in the softest voice, working on coming back to his senses.
There was nothing you could do apart from blushing and awkwardly shaking your head, yet on the inside you were saturated with a strong feeling that filled you completely: his opinion was relevant to you and the reaction he had was more than enough.
“You’re exaggerating. Thank you though, for your words. You’re very kind” you said, entwining ankles.
“Is it…” Roger was afraid this would ruin the mood. He decided to give it a shot and solve any doubt. More importantly, he wanted to make sure you were alright.
You weren’t stupid and knew where he was going.
“About Leonardo? Yes. Next question” you explained bitterly cutting him off, and pressed your lips together making an effort to not roll your eyes and appear rude.
He did ruin the mood.
Roger felt bad now.
“I’m sorry. Forget it”
“It’s fine” the flat tone you used before switched to a more delicate one.
It was overwhelming that he cared. He didn’t have to but he cared.
“I experienced something similar. I know how fucked up domestic abuse is” Roger confessed, bowing his head.
Wait, what? He what?
“Rog…” you got up and carefully sat next to him.
It shocked you how quick the atmosphere changed.
“It’s nothing, dear, it was a long time ago. She was… she was crazy” he laughed drily and cleared his throat. “You know what I mean”
“I do not. What you saw when Leonardo showed up was a one-time thing. He was drunk and barely himself, but I’m so terribly sorry you had to go through that”
“Ah, good for you then” he tapped you on the knee with a small smile on his face.
It broke your heart. How could anyone be so goddamn evil? You just couldn’t understand why they were people like that out there, willing to harm others deliberately.
Your mind drifted to Leonardo, did he become one of them?
Glancing at Roger, you hesitantly got closer to rest your cheek against his shoulder, letting him know mutely you were there in case he needed to vent more often. You intended to cuddle for just a few seconds before it turned out weird. That was until he wrapped an arm around you to keep you in position.
“Thank you” he whispered.
It sent shivers down your spine hearing for the first time his voice discreetly cracking up. You weren’t entirely sure about what he was thanking you for, though.
Roger didn’t quite understand why such information slipped out his mouth. Maybe he thought it was appropriate to share it since he contemplated you went through the same thing after what he saw. He just wanted to make sure you knew you could count on him as well.
The boys knew about the matter, obviously, but there was this thing about you he hadn’t figured out just yet that pushed him to speak to you about it.
That’s what his mind was saying, his heart on the other hand defended the idea that he felt comfortable with you and that since he presenced the incident with Leonardo he remembered his experience. Hence the fit of anger he had.
The thought alone of that scumbag hurting you made his head collapse. He was very sensitive about the subject.
“Better?” you wondered out loud after a while of snuggling, yet you didn’t move, finding the proximity significantly pleasant.
“Yeah, uh, sorry” he cleared his throat and released you.
“It’s more than okay”
He nodded, not really looking at you yet.
You tried to think of something that could distract him from those undeserved and heartrending memories.
There was no point of comparison to what Roger had struggled with, but every time you argued with Leo during the year your relationship lasted, you were grateful that your friends organized sporadic plans to help you forget about the fights.
You had to do that for Roger. You had to entertain him. To keep his mind occupied.
“Freddie explained to me drums are much more complicated than what they seem”
Roger glanced over the drumkit.
He was suspicious at first about the topic change, and looked at you from the corner of his eye.
“It can be very ambitious if you don’t do try for real, instead of goofing around. There’s too much going on. People believe it’s just hitting the drums and you’re good. Wankers”
It was unmissable how his face lit up, talking about his passion.
Crossing an ankle over your knee, you bent forward to get a better sight of his much more eased features.
“I’m sure it requires a lot of hard work, the coordination on hands and feet and all that stuff. Singing along as well must be tiring”
Roger’s eyes bored into yours, as if studying and reflecting upon your words. A corner of his mouth lifted.
“Yeah,” he replied amused, “physically it can be tough”
He knew what you were doing.
Just when he was about to ask you if you wanted him to teach you some basics, John came flying through the door.
“For God’s sake, there you are. Roger, I need you. Freddie and Brian are arguing again. Help me out spreading some peace before Freddie slaps him”
****
end of part one, lemme know what you think ! ♡
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mudblood-benjy · 5 years
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                                         ALL AGAIN FOR YOU                A Glenda Chittock and Ivan Davies Fanmix
Listen ( x )
1.-A Sky Full of Stars—Coldplay
'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars I'm gonna give you my heart 'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars 'Cause you light up the path I don't care, go on and tear me apart I don't care if you do ooh ooh 'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars I think I saw you
2.-Cold—James Blunt
It's been lonely, trying to get your attention from a thousand miles away And you know me, always overthinking the worst possibilities Yeah, we both know, in between you and me, there's an ocean Castaway in a sea and it's frozen I'm exposed, can't you see, all I need is a little warmth Without your arms around me Without you on my skin Without you on my body, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I don't mean to be desperate, or pretend that I'm not torn But I don't want to let go of the things that keep me warm Without you I'm just cold
3.-Cold Cold Man—Saint Motel
Oh, my love I know, I am a cold cold man Quite slow to pay you compliments Or public displayed affections But baby, don't you go over analyze No need to theorize I can put your doubts to rest You're the only one worth seeing The only place worth being The only bed worth sleeping's the one right next to you
4.-You’re so Cold—Two Feet
You fuck me up and let me go Your bitterness has got enough You're so cold You're so cold You're so cold You are a stranger when I come home You'll never turn your dreams to gold
5.-Sparks—Coldplay
My heart is yours It's you that I hold on to That's what I do And I know I was wrong But I won't let you down (Oh yeah, yeah, yes I will)
6.-Miracles (Someone Special)—Coldplay & Big Sean
Now you could run and just say they're right No I'll never be no one in my whole life Or you could turn and see the way they're wrong And get to keep on dancing all life long Yeah you could be Someone special You've got bright in your brains and Lightning in your veins You'll go higher then they've ever gone In you I see Someone special You've got fire in your eyes and When you realice You'll go further then we've ever gone (look) Just turn it on
7.-Cold—Aqualang & Lucy Schwartz
Crimson and bare as I stand Yours completely Yours As we go over Sing for the lion and Lamb Their hearts are hunting Still hunts hope Ever and ever Ever Cold Cold
8.-All I Can Think About Is You—Coldplay
All I can think about is you We fall in a wonderland So low A wonderland for you I wanna walk into It's all I can It's all I can It's all I can It's all I can do It's all I can do All I can think about is you It's all I can All I can think about is you It's all I can All I can think about is you Love is the only thing that is true
9.-Cold—Maroon 5 & Future
Cold enough to chill my bones It feels like I don't know you anymore I don't understand why you're so cold to me With every breath you breathe I see there's something going on I don't understand why you're so cold Are we taking time, or a time out? I can't take the in-between Asking me for space here in my house You know how to fuck with me Acting like we're not together After everything that we've been through Sleeping up under the covers How am I so far away from you?
10.-What If—Coldplay
What if there was no lie Nothing wrong, nothing right What if there was no time And no reason, or rhyme What if you should decide That you don't want me there by your side That you don't want me there in your life What if I got it wrong And no poem or song Could put right what I got wrong Or make you feel I belong
11.-Cold As You—Taylor Swift
You have a way of coming easily to me And when you take, you take the very best of me So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin' And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted Oh, what a shame What a rainy ending given to a perfect day Just walk away Ain't no use defending words that you will never say And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through I've never been anywhere cold as you You put up the walls and paint them all a shade of gray And I stood there loving you, and wished them all away And you come away with a great little story Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you
12.—Say You Like Me—We The Kings
I wish my heart was always on her mind. 'Cause she's on mine like all day, all the time. Forget me not, forget me now. I've come too far to turn around. I'm here tonight. 'Cause I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
13.-Two Is Better Than One—Boys Like Girls & Taylor Swift
So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you Well maybe two is better than one There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life And you've already got me coming undone And I'm thinking two, is better than one I remember every look upon your face, The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste You make it hard for breathing 'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away I think of you and everything's okay I'm finally now believin'
14.-Queen of Hearts—We The Kings
When the world fall into pieces You'll be the one voice of reason When I can't face all my demons You are the one I believe in Through the thunder and the rain Together we fall together we fly away Hold me closely You are my one and only You're the queen of hearts Make me your King You'll be the diamond I got the ring We could rule the world Own everything
15.-Backseat Serenade—All Time Low
Backseat serenade Dizzy hurricane Oh god, I'm sick of sleeping alone You're salty like a summer day Kiss the sweat away To your radio Backseat serenade Little hand grenade Oh god, I'm sick of sleeping alone You're salty like a summer day Kiss the pain away To your radio You take me over I throw you up against the wall We've seen it all before But this one's different It's deliberate You send me reeling Callin' out to you for more The value of this moment lives in metaphor Yeah, through it all
16.-See You in My Dreams—We The Kings
Tonight I believe That you are the reason I dream Wrapped up in sheets I'm wrapped up in everything But here comes the light, Stealing me back from you Leaving the night Leaving me so confused I'm wide awake I'm wide awake 'Cause I wanna close my eyes and sleep Run to the place we used to meet 'Cause I'd rather have you in my dreams Than wake up without you 'Cause I'd sleep forever if you'd leave Give up the world so you would see That I'd rather have you in my dreams Than wake up without you Without you
17.-Be Your Everything— Boys Like Girls
Four letter Word But I don't have the guts to say it Smile til it hurts Lets not make it complicated We've got a story But I'm about to change the ending You're perfect for me You're more than just a friend so we can just stop pretending now I gotta let you know somehow I'll be your shelter I'll be your storm I'll make you shiver I'll keep you warm Whatever weather Baby I'm yours I'll be your forever, be your fling Baby I will be your everything
18.-All Again For You—We The Kings
I couldn't sleep last night I walked alone On the beach Where we always used to go When we couldn't hook up at home I thought of you And the time we jumped the fence Pool side stripped down We dove right in And the cops chased us again When you were mine You know We had it all in front of us You were the one I was in love But you always hurt The one you lost I couldn't get enough You were everything That's meant for me Make no apologies I'm crushed Black and blue But you know I'd do it all again for you
19.-This Is The First Thing—You Me At Six
Come a little closer As the night gets older Of you I grow fonder Just let my hands wander This is the first thing I thought This is the last thing that I want You were the first one I loved You were the first love I lost You left it too late To change the way I think I'll never say never again These words will never ever pass my lips
20.- Black Butterflies and Déjà Vu— The Maine
What would you say if you could say Everything you needed to To the one, you needed to? You flash like a setting sun You come around, I come undone Can't find the sound under my tongue When I look at you I lose my voice when I look at you Can't make a noise though I'm trying to Tell you all the right words Waiting on the right words Just another lovesick afternoon Black butterflies and déjà vu Hoping for the right words Waiting for the right words
21.-I Wouldn’t Mind—He Is We
Carefully we're placed for our Destiny You came and you took this heart, and set it free Every word you write or sing is so warm to me, so warm to me I'm torn, I'm torn to be right where you are I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not afraid Forever is a long time But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile I wouldn't mind it at all I wouldn't mind it at all
22.-Numb Without You—The Maine
You are my last, you are my first You kill me for the better You are the rising tide You're every fucking thing inside me now You are the violence in my veins You are the war inside my brain You are my glitter and my gloom I am so numb without you
23.-Kiss Me Again (Feat Alex Gaskarth)—We Are The In Crowd
I gotta say I wasn't expecting you To come this way and fall into my arms. And now I know I can't deny this feeling any longer. I close my eyes, I can't stop thinking about you. Crack a smile, I just can't lose. At a mile a minute my heart beats to the limit when I'm with you. So, kiss me again underneath the moonlight. You're more than a friend, oh. I knew it from the first sight, yeah. Hold me, feel my heart beat. Put your arms around me. And kiss me again.
24.-Right Girl—The Maine
Had a bad fling with a good girl I was stupid and dumb not giving a The blank stare out the window If I could just sober up I could just admit I did the wrong thing to the right girl It was your world, baby and I just lived in it
25.-Stay—Artist Vs Poet
And it's a sign The way your eyes reflect in mine You know it gets me everytime can't you see We'll be just fine you and me if you just stay. And I'm blown away By the way your hair moves past your fase As we keep shifting from the foot to the head Shake the frame of this bed where we lay And the only thing I want right now is for you to Stay stay stay stay stay with me now Stay stay stay stay with me And you're my cinderella You know I can't forget ya If you stay stay stay stay with me now
26.-Melt My Heart To Stone—Adele
And I hear your words that I made up You say my name like there could be an us I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love I'm the only one in love Each and every time I turn around to leave I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed So desperately I try to link it with my head But instead I fall back to my knees As you tear your way right through me I forgive you once again Without me knowing You've burnt my heart to stone
27.-Take It All—Adele
Didn't I give it all? Tried my best Gave you everything I had, everything and no les Didn't I do it right? Did I let you down? Maybe you got too used to having me 'round Still how can you walk away From all my tears It's gonna be an empty road without me right here But go on and take it, take it all with you Don't look back at this crumbling fool Just take it all with my love, take it all with my love
28.-A Thousand Years Pt. 2—Christina Perri & Steve Kazee
Heart beats fast Colors and promises How to be brave How can I love when I'm afraid to fall But watching you stand alone All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow One step closer I have died everyday, waiting for you Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years I'll love you for a thousand more
29.-Tristan & Yvaine—Ilan Eshkeri
INSTRUMENTAL
30.-arms—Christina Perri
I hope that you see right through my walls I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling I'll never let a love get so close You put your arms around me and I'm home
31.-The Stars Shines—Ilan Eshkeri
INSTRUMENTAL
32.-Yo Quisiera—Reik
Yo quisiera ser Ese por quien tú te desvelas Y te desesperas Yo quisiera ser tu llanto Ese que viene de tus sentimientos Yo quisiera ser ése por quien Tú despertaras ilusionada Yo quisiera que vivieras De mí siempre enamorada
33.-You Are My Sunshine—Domino Dancing
You are my sunshine rice, my only sunshine yea You make me happy when skies are gray You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away The other night dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken So I hung my head and I cried.
34.-Cuando Estás Conmigo—Reik
Cuando estás conmigo se llena mi corazón Tiene sentido la vida y el mundo es una ilusión Cuando estás conmigo la noche tiene color Y un beso es suficiente para entender el amor Y al abrazarte y sentir que me amas salen las estrellas Aun si es de día y todos esos días llenos de vació se volvieron polvo Porque estás conmigo, conmigo
35.-Más—Diego
Mas Te quiero más de lo que quiero a la vida Mas Si no te tengo a ti de que serviría Mas De que podría ya servir la respiración Muerto el corazón Quiero decir, que antes de ti Jamás imaginé que un día Iba a sentir algo así Lo que un amor tan mágico vivía
36.-Odio Amarte—Ha-Ash
Más que negarlo quisiera olvidarlo Pero hay algo entre los dos Deja de sentir algo a tu corazón Toma todo más en serio O yo te digo adiós Te odio te amo te amo te odio Ay como odio amarte Te odio te amo te amo te odio Ay como odio amarte
37.-Responde—Diego
¿Qué más podría hacer yo? Responde, ¿me quieres? Tú sabes que eres Mi todo No huyas más de mi amor Yo sé que te ha cegado el temor Porque jamás te han dado tanto amor No hay más que decir Tienes que sentir Dime algo por favor
38.-Me Enamoro de Ti—Fey
Te iré a buscar sin esperar Que cambien los semáforos al verde Hoy encontrare la forma de clavarte bien los dientes Desmigare sin compasión Tu corazón de dulce mandarina Te daré un amor que ni siquiera En sueños tuviste nunca Un café cargado para dos Y la noche va mucho mejor Me enamoro de ti Me enamoro de ti De tu forma de ser Del olor de tu piel Me enamoro de ti Sin dudar
39.-The Reason—Hoobastank
I'm not a perfect person There's many things I wish I didn't do But I continue Learning I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is you I'm sorry that I hurt you It's something I must live with everyday And all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away And be the one who catches all your tears That's why I need you to hear
40.-Ease My Mind—Ben Platt
Most days I wake up with a pit in my chest There are thoughts that I can't put to rest There's a worry that I can't place Most nights, I am restless and quiet won't come So I lay there and wait for the sun There's a trouble that won't show its fase You came out of nowhere and you cut through all the noise I make sense to the madness when I listen to your voice Darling, only you can ease my mind Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind When they pull me under, and I can feel my sanity start to unwind Darling, only you can ease my mind
41.-Más Que Amigos—Matisse
Qué haces si te digo que te quiero Que por robarte un beso yo me muero Qué haces si te pido Que encontremos un camino Y a partir de ya ser más que amigos Qué hago si no aguanto el sentimiento De contarle a todos mi secreto Que siempre fantaseo con perdernos el respeto Y ya no ser tu amigo, ser tu dueño Sólo es conmigo, conmigo el camino Que debes tú tomar Sé que yo te puedo enamorar Sólo es contigo, contigo que pido Toda una eternidad Te ruego sólo una oportunidad
42.-Demons—Imagine Dragons
When your dreams all fail And the ones we hail Are the worst of all And the blood's run stale I want to hide the truth I want to shelter you But with the beast inside There's nowhere we can hide No matter what we breed We still are made of greed This is my kingdom come This is my kingdom come When you feel my heat Look into my eyes It's where my demons hide It's where my demons hide Don't get too close It's dark inside It's where my demons hide It's where my demons hide
43.-Prove You Wrong—He Is We
You're the boy with a real nice smile, But a broken heart inside. Give it to a girl, gave it to a girl, And I think she lost her mind. Are you giving up and done? Are you through with all this? Are you tired of the pain? Torn to pieces. Can you let me try? Tell me it's all right, Just for one night. Show you how to feel like, What it feels like. To be hugged, to be kissed. Yes I can be that part of you. I'll try my best. I'm the girl, I can make you smile, And I promise to be true. Give it all, Give until there's nothing left to lose. Don't say you're giving up and done, That you're through with all this. Yeah you're tired of the pain, Torn to pieces. Can you let me try? Tell me it's all right, Just for one night. Show you how to feel like, What it feels like. To be hugged, to be kissed. Be thought of and to be missed. I can be that part of you, Let me be that part of you. I see that you're breaking, Your heart is breaking. Here's my hand if you'll take it, We can make it out, Of all this mess. No more stress. I can be that part of you I'll try my best. Give me your heart, I don't want a piece or a part, I want it all. I want you to fall, Just a little bit. Take that leap of faith, If you want to, Don't let that broken heart haunt you. Can you let me try? Tell me it's all right. Just for one night,
44.-Dead Inside—Muse
Your lips feel warm to the touch You can bring me back to life On the outside you're ablaze and alive But you're dead inside! You're free to touch the sky Whilst I am crushed and pulverized Because you need control Now I'm the one who's letting go You like to give an inch Whilst I am giving infinity But now I've got nothing left You have no cares and I'm bereft Your skin feels warm to caress I see magic in your eyes On the outside you're ablaze and alive But you're dead inside!
45.-Saturn—Sleeping At Last
You taught me the courage of stars before you left How light carries on endlessly, even after death With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite How rare and beautiful it is to even exist I couldn't help but ask For you to say it all again I tried to write it down But I could never find a pen I'd give anything to hear You say it one more time That the universe was made Just to be seen by my eyes
46.-Thinking You—The Maine
'Cause she's in my head And I can't take it I need you by my side Yeah So I'll take the chance and I'll drive 'til dawn To show you I'm the one Outside I saw the moon And it made me think of you
47.-About Love—Marina
Started in the strangest way Didn't see it coming Swept up in your hurricane Wouldn't give it up for nothing Now I'm all caught up in the highs and the lows It's a shock to my system I don't wanna run away so I stay My head gets messy when I try to hide The things I love about you in my mind I don't really know a lot about love A lot about love, a lot about love But you're in my head, you're in my blood And it feels so good, it hurts so much
48.-I Feel Alive—We The Kings
We're all alone watching shadows on the ceiling I've gone numb but I can't forget the feeling And I don't even know if I can close my eyes Don't want to sleep 'cause I'm wide and awake and dreaming Hold me close and catch your breath now I promise not to leave this bed yet 'Cause I feel alive I feel alive 'Cause I feel alive (Oh oh oh oh oh) I feel alive (Oh oh oh oh oh) I finally feel alive I'm lying here whispering the sweetest nothing I feel your heart beating faster than you're breathing And I don't even know if I can close my eyes Don't want to sleep 'cause I'm wide awake and dreaming Hold me close and catch your breath now I promise not to leave this bed yet
49.-Into Your Arms—The Maine
I'm falling in love But it's falling apart I need to find my way back to the start When we were in love Oh things were better than they are Let me back into Into your arms Into your arms
50.-Stay—Mayday Parade
What a night it is, when you live like this And you're coming up beneath the clouds, Don't let me down All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now You know, I still can't believe we both did some things I don't even wanna think about Just say you love me and I'll say "I'm sorry, I don't want anybody else to feel this way" No, no, no Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well Since the last time that we spoke, I said "Please understand I've been drinking again, And all I do is hope" Please stay Please stay
                           FELIZ GOLDEN NAVIDAD ANDY
@thegoldenflowerr
Querida Andy:
¡FELIZ NAVIDAD EN EXTREMO ATRASADA! También feliz año, día de reyes, san valentín. Pues tu esto ya lo veías venir y ya sabes que enloquecí un montón, y aquí te dejamos un bello mix de 50 CANCIONES de GLIVAN. Disfrutalo
Eres un pequeño rayo de sol que ilumina todo a su alrededor, sabes que amo todas nuestras aventuras y que siempre estaré aquí para ti. Muchas gracias por todo y en especial. GRACIAS POR CREAR GOLDEN que sin ti ninguno de nosotros estaríamos por aquí
Te mando un abrazo enorme
Con amor:
Dannie
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dreyblr · 6 years
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26 things I’ve done I thought I wasn’t capable of doing
Long post alert. After reading Taylor’s article, I thought about my own life and how far I’ve come. She’s the one who inspired me to write this, so, thank you for your endless talent @taylorswift. You’re a gift.
1. Being myself
It has taken me a lot of time to figure out who I am and what I love. I’ve always tried to “fit in”, imitating people to fit in a group. But copying people didn’t make me feel happy. It made me feel even more awkward. I realized I was happy when being myself: getting excited over everything and nothing, giving myself quiet times, wearing pink.... just being myself. I was afraid of being myself but I’m so happy I’ve decided to stop pretending to be someone I’m not.
2. Travelling by myself
I was 16 the first time I travelled without grown-ups, but I was with one of my best friends and we went to London. I thought I wouldn’t make it, I was so stressed, but it was amazing. A few years later, when being 19, I decided to travel to Paris for an internship of 5 weeks, all by myself. I was scared to death. But I did it.
3. Trusting myself
When traveling alone, I had to accept the fact that I had to trust myself. You can rely on yourself only. Trusting myself was a big step for me, as I’ve always lacked of self-confidence.
4. Kayaking by night
Two words that would have made me run away years ago. I don’t like the dark, especially in the nature. I’m scared to death, because I can’t see what’s happening and I’m always afraid that something’s hiding somewhere and waiting for me. I love water, but not too much. I drowned twice, and both times someone had to pulled me out of the water as I already drank water. I wouldn’t be here today without those people. So going in deep water is a big challenge for me. Now imagine going kayaking in the nature at night... I thought I wouldn’t make it. This was a bioluminescent tour, and it was so worth it. Magic happens after surpassing your fears.
5. Going abroad for a year
I’ve always been independent, but a year, 12 months, is so long! I told myself I would maybe go home in the span of a year, but I wasn’t able to. But I managed to stay abroad for a full year and I’m kinda proud of myself!
6. Making three kids love me
When it comes to me, I often think everyone secretly hates me. I can’t prevent myself from thinking that people think that I’m boring, or too quiet, or not fun. And kids are so energetic. But they also have so much love to give. And my host kids really love me, their love is so important to me.
7. Having friends
As I just said, I often think people don’t like me. I thought I wouldn’t be able to make friends here in the USA. Life proved me wrong: I’ve met incredible people, as well au pairs as swifties. Just be yourself and interesting people will come in your way.
8. Getting a masters degree
I love studying. But this level is so much work and dedication. I couldn’t see the end of it, even though it was so interesting and I was thriving. I loved it with my whole heart but I was so scared to fail and not being good enough. But I passed and I even was the second best of the promo.
9. Thinking and dreaming in English
Being fluent in English has always been a dream of mine. Of course I still make mistakes, but I’ve always wondered how it was like to instinctively think in English and not in French. I reached this level while being in the USA, and I remember waking up from an English dream with a big smile on my face. I now regularly think and dream in English.
10. Being accepted in a new family
Joining a host family and living with them for a year is scary. They are strangers, and I had to fit in the family they’ve build years ago. I thought I wouldn’t find my place, but I did, and the kids consider me as their sister. I really found a second family here in the USA.
11. Parasailing
I love adrenaline and sensational activities, but because of water, I’ve been scared of parasailing. What if the boat stops working? What it the parachute is dysfunctional? What if the rope breaks? What if I land in the water? So many what ifs. I learned that the adrenaline was way more stronger than all of those questions, and booked a reservation for parasailing. It was worth it.
12. Making my dream come true
For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamed about living in the USA. I don’t know why, it’s like it has always been calling me. But the USA? That place was on the other side of the world!! This has been a dream for so long. Something that would stay a dream forever. But a girl named Taylor taught me that dreams are made to follow them. I studied the question and found an amazing way to follow my dream, all while taking care of kids. I was afraid I was not a lucky person to have my dream come true, but if you never give up, you’ll eventually realize your dream.
13. Crying in front of other people
As I’m a shy person, I don’t like to show how I feel. I am very emotional and empathic, so tears can come up easily. But I’ve always managed to hide my tears from others, because crying is so intimate in my opinion. But I’ve learned that sometimes, sharing your sorrow with someone is okay. Crying is okay. Letting go your emotions is okay.
14. Meeting online friends
I was so anxious to meet you guys!!! I was excited but I thought you wouldn’t like me haha!! I’m so happy I did it because I found awesome friends.
15. Acknowledging that I’m introverted and calm
Society makes you feel wrong when you are introverted and calm, because society thinks you’re not interesting enough and thinks you don’t like to be with people. Truth is only extroverted society thinks that way. Because extroverted people can speak up their ideas easier than introverted people. I’ve always tried to be more extroverted but it has always failed. I didn’t want to accept the fact that I was introverted. But I accepted it, and I’ve never felt better. This is who I am, and if people I meet can’t stand it, fine, they can’t be my friends. I want friends that know who I am, not friends that think they know who I am.
16. Singing with other people
A huge challenge for introverted people like me!! The fact is I LOVE singing my heart out, even if I sing wrong. People who know me would be surprised if they saw the private concerts I give in my room... anyway singing is fun, so why not sharing a good moment with friends?
17. Not caring about my appearance
There was a time when I couldn’t go out of my house without foundation, mascara and contacts. Even on a Sunday morning to get bread at the bakery. Now I can spend a whole week with no make-up and glasses, and my life didn’t go worse.
18. Finding a place abroad
Finding another home was a hard thought for me. How? It’s a new culture, new places, new habits. But I found my place in DC, and this city will forever be my second home.
19. Cutting of toxic people
Accepting the fact that some of your friends are toxic is hard, but cutting of relationships is harder. I thought only other people could do it. But I decided to stop having my mental health down because of toxic people and this was one the saddest but best decisions I’ve ever made.
20. Accepting my interests
For a long time, I’ve thought that people wouldn’t like me if I told them I liked Taylor Swift’s music, if I told them I loved love stories, if I told them I loved drawing... but what’s the point of wanting friends who don’t know the real you? These are my interests. If people can’t understand it, they’re not worth my time.
21. Talking in front of a full amphi
My personality made me nervous about that. I went to a finale with my work team in grad school, and we had to defend our project in front of a packed amphi of teachers, researchers, CEOs and students. I had to talk into a mic and I had to know my topic by heart. That was such an intense time of my life and I thought I would make my team fail, we didn’t win the first place but we weren’t last either. I made it!
22. Going to NYC and Broadway all by myself
NYC is my absolute favorite city after Paris. As it’s not far from DC, I wanted to go there all by myself to take pictures and to go to Broadway to see Anastasia. I had been there twice before. I love traveling, but NYC is impressive. I kept thinking something would go wrong but everything went perfectly fine and I had the time of my life.
23. Saying no
This was one of my biggest deals. I’ve always been too nice, for fear of people not liking me. I’ve always said yes to everything, even if I couldn’t do it, I would find a way to make my yes possible. But I understood that some people were trying to take advantage of me and that I had to say no for my own sake. I do it more often now.
24. Teaching ice skating to my host kids
If you’ve ever ice-skated, you know what I’m talking about! Kids are often impatient, and when it comes to ice-skating, the first times are a real challenge. I somehow managed to teach them ice-skating and they are so proud about it (so do I!).
25. Wearing shorts without worrying about people’s look
The look people have on me has always been so important for me. I have a family condition that makes our legs not pretty, I can try all the diets I want and do as much sport as I want to, they will never look the way I want to. I decided to shake it off and wear shorts anyway, and even posting pictures of me in shorts!
26. Loving myself
This must have been the hardest one. I’ve always found things to not like about me, whether it was physically or mentally. It took me so much time to love myself, because I was scared of it. But I learned how to do so, and I’ve been thriving ever since. Loving yourself is the most beautiful gift you can ever do to yourself.
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lucyreviewcy · 5 years
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An Ode to Taylor Swift’s Approach to Self-Branding
In his book Stars, Richard Dyer discusses the way that movie stars’ personas are built and developed both within and outside of their films. Dyer suggests that the kind of characters that stars play feed into the overall narrative of their career. Taylor Swift isn’t a film star, unless you count a few brief cameos, but her persona is unique in that her personal presentation (Instagram, interviews and anywhere where she is pretending to be herself) and her performance persona (in photoshoots, music videos, live performances and arguably her music) are so nakedly constructed.
While she once may have claimed to have something in common with the girl she plays in the videos for Picture to Burn or Tim McGraw, these days, Swift is no stranger to drawing attention to how her image is created. If you don’t believe me, just look at the video for …Ready for It. She’s literally making a new Taylor.
Whenever T Swizzle releases new music, her fans are chided for combing through the lyrics and accompanying images with a fine toothed comb to find hidden clues or references to other parts of the Swift Mythos. Swift’s music videos are rife with call-backs, her lyrics shot through with veiled (and sometimes…not veiled at all) references to events in her personal life or previous work. As she proved with the Look What You Made Me Do video, you don’t need a cast of thousands of Hollywood stars and decades of comic books to create an extended universe; she did it with one name, one persona, reinvented over and over.
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YouTube film academic Lindsay Ellis has pointed out that any text or product exclusively targeted at teenage girls (Ellis refers to the Twilight franchise of books and films) is received by audiences as being universally poor quality and worthy of spades of parodies and mean-spirited hot takes. A lot of media that is cherished by and targeted at young girls is considered extremely low art, and Taylor Swift, despite being a prolific songwriter and a consummate performer, is often dropped into this bucket with a loud, gangly thud. Regularly commenting on how much she loves Tumblr (a site often associated with the obsessive, single-minded fandom (you can read my Timeless reviews on this very blog btw)) as a way of connecting with her fans, Swift makes a big point of trying to connect on a personal level with the hordes of young women who connect with her music.
EM Forster wrote: “Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer.”  Swift seeks to connect with her fans who connect with her art. She’s attempting to turn a one-sided exchange into a kind of contribution triangle, whereby she’s inspired by her fans who are inspired by her work, and both contribute in the resulting music. By creating this pseudo-give-and-take, Taylor’s music and images become something more than a disparate set of marketing images and tunes, but one mythology – “fragments no longer.”
I think it’s admirable for any star to try and do this. As I mentioned at the start of this article, Swift’s persona is fully constructed. Her desire to connect with fans is extremely marketable and played up in interviews and even the way that she speaks to the literal thousands of audience members at her concerts. However, Swift’s detailed, complex mythos, full of symbolism and self-referential intertextuality is the net result of all that connection. It is a mad and brilliant scheme that ultimately acts as a cultural studies training level for her fans.
It starts when Taylor’s hidden a clue to her album title in her latest music video. Her fans interrogate the text, which is a CGI ridden 4 minutes that is so unreal in its aesthetic that every element has been consciously constructed. They dissect, they discuss, they write about their findings. You know, just like when a big controversial movie comes out. That’s right, I’m saying ME! is the Roma of the Taylor Swift world.
I’m a fan of Swift’s music (eye-roll all you want, she writes good tunes, bite me), but I recognised literally none of the symbolism that fans and super-fans and beleaguered entertainment correspondents across the globe are writing adrenaline-fuelled blog posts about. I’m 25, I work in media and I’m doing a masters in film – did I notice that the seven suitcases represented T Swizzle’s albums or that the whole damn video takes place inside a cocoon? No. I did not.
While the details that fans are going nuts about might not be ground-breaking or important in the oeuvre of film and cultural studies, it is so important that these fans are being encouraged to explore and interrogate these texts. They’re sharpening their teeth for tougher meat. Not every Taylor Swift fan will grow up into a film studies academic (although I would read a sci-fi short story where this bizarre phenomenon happens and somehow brings down society) – but the fans that engage on this level are learning how to explore media as constructed work in the context of its creator. THANK YOU TAYLOR! She’s not the hero that media studies wants, but she’s the hero it deserves…
We live in a media dominated age. Our politicians fight in snarky twitter battles, news breaking across the world is available to us pretty much as it happens, and our sexy looking lunches are tiny headlines broadcast from our social media accounts. Interrogating media is a really important skill in this age. Young women and men reading “too much” (don’t get me started) into Taylor Swift videos are learning three things:
1)      Sometimes there is more to a media text than meets the eye, subliminal messaging is a thing.
2)      Taylor’s persona is constructed and she’s consciously creating each new incarnation.
3)      You can question the media that’s put in front of you, even if it is put there by someone that you like.
The way that people often dump on media studies and related fields as “reading too much into things” and “all bullsh*t” is frustrating. Not only is this argument kind of rude, it suggests that there really isn’t much more to a text than meets the eye. There is! Films, movies and music influence us every moment of every day, having the curiosity to ask how they’re doing that is not a bad thing. You’re not “making it all up” if you say that the way that Harry Potter valorises unrequited love is actually quite dangerous, or if you point out that the 2017 Baywatch manages to gently reinforce all the bad gender politics of the 1980s original (WOAH SHOCK) or if you want to write a gosh-darned 7,000 word essay on the bit where the snake bursts into a cloud of butterflies. That curiosity is empowering and exciting and exploring texts this way is fun.
There are caveats to this. Not everyone likes reading texts this way, and it is important to maintain your love for the movies, music videos and other texts that you explore even while you hit them with some cold hard theory. So here is my message to any Taylor Swift fan and budding media genius, stepping out into this wild world of media. Keep these things in mind:
Not everyone will share your passion, but that doesn’t mean your passion is bad - it just means that you might need to have other topics of conversation up your sleeve for when people just aren’t interested. 
Be sensitive to your friends and don’t dump on all their favourite movies and musicians.
Be aware that a lot of people might not share your opinions.
Be quiet in the cinema because shouting “Dutch angle” every time there’s a Dutch angle will make people really mad.
But don’t ever be embarrassed to read into a text and ask questions about how and why it was made.  T Swizzle has felt the brunt of a media age that says what it wants and airs your dirty laundry. She writes songs about how it feels to have a reputation you have no control over. Then she says to her fans “Hey, I’ve reinvented myself, come see if you can figure out what I’ve done! Dissect every frame of my video and every lyric of my song, and every damn pixel of my Instagram.” She sets up the media world as a puzzle which can be pieced together, and if not solved, then thoroughly explored.
Taylor Swift actually wants her fans to do this, and so do I.
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julietteswiftie · 6 years
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HEY T! Where do I start? Well first, my really poetic self is thanking you for the most 7 years of my life. Being in this fandom has brought me tears, of joy and sadness, so many friends that I got to meet at the show and so much more. Let’s go back in time, in summer 2011 I believe. I was in my cousin’s living room, back in Quebec, Canada, and my older cousin played You belong with me and as you may can tell, I fell in love with this 20 years old girl’s music. It was around this time that you came to Montreal for the Speak Now World Tour for the first time. At this point, I knew that I would follow you as I grow up for many years. Fast forward to 2012. Then, I changed school in 4th grade. I met these 2 girls, also fan of yours: Laurence and Maé. Actually, they became my two closest friends and they still are after 6 years. They also are the one who were willing to travel 8 hours to see you in Toronto. Anyways, I was quite shy at that time and didnt knew if they were nice or not. But Laurence quickly brought me into her group of friends wich another fan of yours was a part of: Marianne. She taught me A LOT about you ( Loft 89, the whole early 1989 era, etc). So, Laurence quickly convinced me to do the school talent show to perform one of your songs. In the middle of the Red Era, we hesitated between We are never ever getting back togheter or I knew you were trouble. She choosed WANEGBT because of the IKYWT goat meme HAHA. So for the next months following our inscriptions, I dreamed about seeing you on the Red Tour. But sadly, you didnt came to Montreal. But then the big day came and we performed in striped shirts, with sunglasses on and Keds, well, the whole Red look basically. We had this choreography the makeup the whole thing. We were four on stage: Laurence, Marianne, Rebecca and my 9 year old self. In between 4th and 6th, it was peaceful while listening to your music. Then, I stepped into 1989 era as one in the fandom. Shake it off came out and I LOVED IT. I couldnt wait for the whole album. Then, i started cheerleading and it was quite hard to keep up with everything going on. July 6th 2015, you came to Montreal for the 1989 World Tour. My two friends, Laurence and Marianne went but I couldnt due to the arena being sold outtoo fast. I was so sad and waited until the very early morning to see the pictures of the show on the news. A year later, I started highschool, wich means 7th grade for us haha. I was really naive and this is the moment I really related to every single song of yours due to break ups, feud with friends, all kind of problems an almost 13 year old has navigating into the teen world. One of them was The Story Of Us wich really represented this relationship I had that broke my heart for nothing. At the end of that year, wich troughout I made impressions of you during drama class, would be compared to you in everyday life, I started guitar lessons and songwriting. Oh and not to mention that July 7th 2016, I cut my hair like you. 8th grade was quite hard for me. My grades werent has good as I expected them to be, my relationship with this same guy kept getting complicated. On april 29th, I had my first drama show. I was playing this kinda jet set woman having an affair. When i was backstage, My stare came across the guy i loved staring at me. I turned my head to hide my tears floading my eyes and came back to the stage light, thanking the audience. A couple days later, may 3rd i believe. I was admitted to the hospital for wrist surgeries. I remember listening to your music before and after it. It juste made the pain go away. Then, i was at the point of my scolarity that you guys call Freshman year. Except that we dont change schools. So this year, it was pretty great but i had quite a lot of lows. During that summer, i madd a lot of internet friends and we talked about the trial and everything. I remember the last day, i opened Instagram and I saw this post that made me burst into tears: TAYLOR SWIFT HAS WON HER 1$ TRIAL AGAISNT ASSAULTER. Weeks later, your profiles are slowly deleting everything on them. Oh didnt i told you that i also bursted into tears into the Ikea parking when I saw this video of a snake tail on your empty profile. For the following weeks, rep announcement, look what you made me do release, i was LIVING FOR IT. Then this trailer that said ...ready for it on it during the football game came out and i was likeoh man this must be a NEW SINGLE kznddkxj. I was right wow. On october 28th, I injured my elbow during circus class and was rushed to two different hospitals. The next day, my life changed. I was in stuck in bed and decided to listen to stranger things for the first time. I soon realized that I trully wanted to become an actress AND a singer. For the next months, i tried my hardest to find a way to audition for the show but I didnt. I still do remember the cold feeling of my tears stained cheeks at night. Oh wait that could be a good lyric haha. But this woman, my idol, once said that you should never give up on the things you love. Oh and thats you if you didnt know. On November 10th 2017, this masterpiece came out and i died of love for this album. I remember being in my bed, at like 3 in the morning, hearing the last song off this record and bursting into tears. New years day was so undescribable. So in december, i bought tickets for the Reputation stadium tour with my two best friends Maé and Laurence for Toronto night two on August 4th 2018. Crazy that when I write this, its already July 31th. I will always remember chosing these seats 9-10-11 row 12 section 130 AR, close to the b stage. We planned this whole trip, did our costumes, everything to make this a lifetime experience. Our costumes are Heart Robbers. So basically we are stealing your broken hearts from past relationships off the hands of your ex lovers so you can be loved brand new by Joe. And lets be real, you guys are the cutest. Anyways, During the whole year, i developped my singing and acting skills a lot so i could realize my dreams and goals. I dont know if I will ever meet you saying from today. But i know some of my friends did and i couldnt be more thankful for it. You know Jessica Johnson right? She was invited to the Nashville SS and a couple of weeks earlier, I made this edit of her and you and she was crying looking at it then it became reality. The same for my friend Asya, you met her at pre show m&g this tour and i screenshotted the dm of me saying « this is the era you meet taylor ». It became real. I never got noticed but i once was on the same livestream as you before the delicate premiere and somehow it was amazing. I couldnt thank you enough for everything you know. For Clean being this song that I relate to the most, For Call it what you want, new years day and dancing with our hands tied ( sounds a lot like the 80s synth vibe and the stranger things theme) to being my faves and for just you being you, this dorky adorable cat lover baking queen who cares sooooo much about us while being this powerfull amazing slaying wig stealer women that will forever be my idol. I will love you forever and always. -Juliette xox
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dragonwriter1633 · 7 years
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People, this review is going to be another incoherent rant. When I checked out the first audiobook in this series, I did not expect to get this wrapped up in the story. I feel like most of my life is moving from obsession to obsession and most of the time I know things are going to totally take over my mind and heart and I’m cool with that, but this series caught me by surprise. Call it a guilty pleasure. ON TO THE REVIEW (this is book 4 in a series, so if you have nothing better to do with your life like me and you’re interested at all in what happened up to this point, you can go find my reviews on my homepage of UnEnchanted  Fairest, and Fable). We last left our plucky heroine Mina back at home after she reunited the evil side of her boyfriend with his good side, as happens to us all from time to time. Now Teague, the evil side of her boyfriend and at this point her full boyfriend I guess and the mastermind behind the curse on her family, is out to get her. Well, Mina is still in school in our opening chapters (and I’m a little miffed there’s a new narrator. I kept being like THAT’S NOT BRODY’S VOICE and TEAGUE SOUNDS LIKE A WEIRD 18TH CENTURY STUFFED UP NOBLE, NOT A BROODING MASTER OF ALL EVIL, just because I wasn’t used to it. But anyway) and I mean, I’ve had some bad PowerPoint presentations but at least the fae prince who’s trying to kill me and who also happens to be my almost boyfriend whom I accidentally reunited with his bad side hasn’t shown up in the middle of mine and changed the slides to make vague threats. So I feel for Mina. Teague comes to her in school and gets in her space and demands “the dagger” (which left part of its hate steel in his heart, I can’t make this up, but I’m getting ahead of myself) and at this point I dropped the application I was holding to throw up my hands because it’s always something. So far the backdrop for this particular book is that Teague wants some dagger that Mina doesn’t have. I should have known the respite from Brody in the third book wouldn’t last long. Despite not remembering much about the curse, he’s all up in Mina’s grill and declaring undying love and kissing her and literally it was the longest kiss description ever, somehow made worse and more awkward by the fact that someone is reading this book to me. Like watching an awkward scene in a movie theater with a bunch of strangers. I was literally cheering when the wolf showed up and lunged for Brody’s throat. Yes, the wolf was actually Teague in disguise. Or sent by Teague. I’m not sure at this point. And yes, I need help, because yes I do ship Teague and Mina. Then, once Brody is filled in on all the curse happenings, the evil stepsisters show up because this particular tale is Cinderella and Brody and Mina have to go to this homecoming ball as homecoming prince and princess. Of course, Brody in all his brilliance goes “the girl falls in love with the prince, right? And the prince falls in love with her? Easiest quest ever” and I commence throwing up. As a side note, Mina’s theme song is Gorgeous by Taylor Swift because she’s always stuttering and stumbling around these hot guys and can’t say anything to their faces. As another side note, I realize that the exact opposite of my suspicions—Brody being bad and Jared being good—is happening right now but I may or may not still be in denial. I have a random note written down that says “ah yes, the chiseled jaw” so that description must have popped up somewhere. Ok, so, the ball. Which Teague party crashes (yay!) and makes threats again. And Mina goes to the godmother’s guild and learns certain Grimm family lines are disappearing because something is happening to them in the past, and Mina has to travel to the past to fix it. At this point, I was singing Taylor Swift’s “ready for it” because I see how this is gonna go. Mina is going to be the one who broke Teague’s heart all those years ago and turned him evil. I know all about self-fulfilling prophecies. I do hate being right. She puts on the magical Cinderella shoes that take her back in time, and who does she meet that saves her from an ogre but Teague himself. The conversation was everything I ever wanted but very very bad at the same time because again, I see how this is gonna go. Teague was so nice, and sweet…and somehow Mina ends up in the competition with all the girls vying to be Teague’s wife, and she’s all like “I’m here on a mission” (to kill Teague) and yet she saves Teague’s life multiple times and doesn’t take the many opportunities she has to kill him. Like Mina, I love you, but please…though I don’t really want her to kill him. Also, the fairy godmother told her not to take off the shoes because she could be trapped but what does she do? She takes. off. the shoes!! I could go on and on, but this review is getting long, so I’ll throw out the highlights…something was called “enough to make a polar bear shudder” which is my new fave phrase. The final test to make it to the tower and be Teague’s wife involves a maze and I thought perhaps the maze is a metaphor for Mina’s life in that she doesn’t know where she’s going or what she’s doing and she always ends up back in the same place. She meets Teague in the tower along with the fae who’s trying to kill him and somehow there’s this big misunderstanding because Teague thinks Mina was trying to kill him and she’s a liar and all this, and basically he throws her out of the tower and vows to find her wherever she goes. Yep. And then she meets her dad and I was literally thinking “all I need now is for her dad to actually be Teague and then I’ve seen it all.” Thankfully that didn’t turn out to be the case. And then she meets the Grimms and saves Hans or Wilhelm or one of them, which fixes the timelines. And then I thought Brody was proposing but actually he was just proposing a relationship…and then I was happy because I thought the godmothers were going to take away his memory again, but he was wearing a charm so shoot it didn’t work…and then Teague blows up the godmother guild. To be continued.
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