#terrified about what Tai will think

[bridgyrose]

For ace prompts: After having Yang Raven realizes she's a sex-repulsed Ace... and she doesn't know how to reconcile that with her long-term relationship with Tai and the obviously sex-related result (Yang), and that's her REAL reason for running off.

(This one is just a tad bit late...)

Raven panted as she leaned against a wooden wall of the shack in the woods, her arms shook as she tried to catch her breath. She loved Tai, she knew that without a shadow of a doubt. And she knew she loved Summer. But this? This was just a little too far even for her. Though, it wasnt like she had regretted the child she bore, infact, it was the opposite. She loved Yang just as much as she loved Tai, but after carrying her for nine months and finally having her, it was finally something she couldnt take anymore. 

“Raven!” Summer called out. “Raven! Where are you?!” 

Raven felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up as she made her way deeper into the dark shack to keep hidden in the shadows. Her fingers gripped the doorframe tightly as she peeked around the corner only to find Summer standing there. “I’m… I’m not going back.” 

“Taiyang has been looking everywhere for you-” 

“I’m not the person he fell in love with!” Raven’s voice cracked as she yelled at Summer, her body practically locking up at her anger. “I… I wasnt…. I’m not… He wants someone who can love him the way he wants to be loved, to allow him to show them that he loves them, but I… I cant… not again. And I know he’ll want to do it again.” 

Summer sighed and put a gentle hand on Raven’s. “Rae, take a deep breath and try to calm yourself a bit, let your words try to come through.” 

Raven nodded and took a couple breaths to calm herself, her heart still pounding as fear ran through her mind. “I… I dont… I mean, I love Tai, I just… I dont want another kid… I never wanted to have sex, I just… I dont know, I thought that it was something I had to do with him and now I realize that it just wasnt something I liked or wanted and everytime I look at Yang all I can think is… you know…” 

“That you did something you werent completely into?” 

Raven nodded and sighed. “I want to be there for them, I really do, but I cant… be who Taiyang wants me to be.” 

“Then dont.” 

Raven looked away and sighed. “Its not that easy, Summer.” 

“Of course it is. All you have to do is get yourself back over there-” 

“And I cant just go back after this!” Raven yelled, her eyes starting to burn as the wind around her picked up. “If I go back, all I’ll have are the reminders that Tai and I slept together, that I gave in to him asking me over and over because I thought I had to! I didnt want any of this!” 

Summer sighed and turned her back to Raven. “Then… where are you going to go?” 

“I dont know… I really dont.” Raven gently grabbed the sword at her side and took a breath as her grip tightened around the handle. “I… need to go. Figure myself out, get away from all of… this.” She motioned with her free hand and slowly unsheathed her sword. “I’ll be back. Maybe. After… after I figure out what I really want.” 

“Will you at least visit Yang?” 

The only answer Raven gave was a slice in the air and the ominous howling of the portal that opened in front of her. She took a step closer and sighed. “Keep them safe for me, Sum.” 

Summer shook her head as the portal closed and the wind started to die down. She looked up to the sky and let out a heavy sigh. “Stay safe yourself, Rae. You cant keep running away like this.” 

[youronlybean]

Rewarding myself for being productive by reading The Great Space Opera for like the 20th time. This is self care <333

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

omg okay I have a hurt/comfort request (I loooove all your writing btw 💕💕)

So reader goes with Tai and Van on the expedition south, and ends up with a leg scratch, however they hide it whilst helping Van back, because it’s ‘less important’.

When half the group arrives back to tell the others that Van is injured they go out instantly, Nat sorta notices the readers slow pace but didn’t think much of it.

Once they’re all back at the cabin and watching Van get patched up, the reader sits down, deathly pale from blood loss, Nat realises something is really wrong and she’s worried sick 😣

She gets you to admit to you leg wound and rolls up your jeans to see how bad it is and her face visibly drops. Reader prepares themselves for harshness but Nat is so sweet and gentle and worried, she can’t even comprehend scolding.

Nat bandages the wound and comforts the readers pain so sweetly, (being like “I know, I know it hurts, I’m nearly done”) and gets her to bed etc, reader falls asleep with her head in Nats lap

It's Gonna Be Okay, Baby

Summary: Your explorative trip ended worse than imagined, and your girlfriend helps patch you up.

Warnings: canon typical depictions of violence, injury, and mentions of death (nobody dies dw), mentions of nausea and vomiting, mentions of passing out

Thank you anon, for the compliment! It means a lot :)

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You stood in the cabin, alone with Natalie as the rest of the girls stood outside, waiting to send everyone off.

"Y/n, please. Stay here. I want you here." Natalie was practically begging you, but you'd already made up your mind. You were going. Going wit Tai and Van and the others. You had to.

"I'm going with them. Taissa's finally doing something, and I'm not leaving her. I know that you can't go, that you have to find food for the others. But this is my way of helping. You can see that, right?" You take her hands in yours, squeezing them gently.

"They'll be fine without you, please. I'm sure they'll be alright. I just-" She inhales, composing herself. "I just want to make sure that you'll be safe."

"I will. But I'm going to be safe out there, finding help. I have to do this."

For a moment, it looks like she's going to keep arguing, that defiant look still in her eyes. But she softens after a moment, nodding. She knows that this is important to you, that you want to do what you can for the good of everyone. That didn't make the fact that you were leaving her hurt any less.

You almost say it for the first time. I love you. The words are on the tip of your tongue. They have been ever since you crashed, ever since you kissed that first time in the middle of the night, both of you unable to sleep. The two of you'd been dancing around romance for months, and it took a goddammed plane crash to get you to admit your feelings.

Instead, you opted for silence and a hug tighter than any you'd given her before. You hoped that it conveyed everything you were thinking.

I love you. I need you. I promise everything will be alright. I'll be back.

She hugged back, hands grasping at the back of your t-shirt. When you pulled away from the hug, she looked at you for a moment, seemingly drinking you in. Like she wanted to commit every part of you to memory.

The two of you walked outside, Natalie trailing behind you. Tai and the others who decided to come with her were already in the midst of saying goodbyes. Van comes up to hug Natalie, and you move to find Shauna and Lottie.

Lottie finds you first, pulling you in for a tight hug.

"Stay safe, okay? I don't have the best feeling about you leaving." She sounds genuinely terrified, and you squeeze your arms around her reassuringly.

"We'll be fine, Lot. Nothing's going to happen to us." You release her from the hug, and spot Shauna a few feet away.

She gives a small smile as you approach, and you return the look. Unlike Lottie, she doesn't say anything, just gives you a quick hug. Shauna's never been overly sappy or sentimental, but you know she loves you.

Once everyone had said their goodbyes, you turned to start your trek south. Before you can fully leave the clearing, Nat grabs your wrist to pull you into another hug. It doesn't say as much as the one you shared inside the cabin, since everyone was around. But you felt the love in it nonetheless.

When she pulled away, you give her another quick smile and turn to follow the rest of the group. You don't want to be too far behind.

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In front of you, Tai and Van chattered on about horror movies and the bone necklace Lottie gave to Van. You couldn't help but feel jealous that your own girlfriend wasn't there. Not that there was any solid confirmation from either of them that they were together, but you knew. They were always sneaking off together, always glued to the hip, always coming back from foraging with puffy lips and messed up hair. It was endearing, in a way.

Part of you wanted to be upset that Taissa hadn't at least told you about the relationship, but it wasn't like you had revealed to her your own sexuality, let alone your relationship with Nat. So you let it slide. Everyone was entitled to their own secrets.

With Taissa occupied by Van, and Mari and Akilah being attached at the hip, that left you with Misty to talk to or to be alone with your thoughts. You chose the latter. Not that you disliked Misty, but she could be a lot to deal with sometimes. You were already preoccupied enough, you didn't need to end up snapping at Misty and have everyone pissy at you.

So, you walked alone with your thoughts. Thoughts about what might happen on this trip, thoughts about what Lottie was saying earlier about having a "bad feeling". But mostly, you thought about Nat and what she might be doing right now. Hunting, probably. She didn't do much else. She could be talking to Shauna, or more likely Lottie, or even Coach. It was a little upsetting knowing that she wasn't here with you, but you also knew she had a responsibility to the rest of the team. She was their hunter, even if there wasn't much to hunt anymore.

All of a sudden, you felt your foot catch on something and you lurch forward, stumbling right into Van. Luckily, she catches you, and she's laughing.

"God, fuck, I'm an idiot. I wasn't watching where I was going. Sorry, Van." By now, you're smiling, too, and you can hear giggles from behind you.

"You didn't twist your ankle, did you? It'd kind of suck if someone had to be your crutch until we found civilization," she joked, clearly not upset at all.

you right yourself and do a quick assessment, noting that everything felt and looked fine. "I think I'm good. I'll pay more attention, promise."

With that, you all continued on for a couple more hours before the sun began to set. Mari and Misty started a fire, and everyone else just sat around the firepit, getting warm and comfortable. Well, as comfortable as you can get in the middle of the woods.

After a few beats of silence, Van starts to tell everyone the plot of some rom-com that she had watched. It was entertaining to hear about, especially since you hadn't seen a movie in months, and the one she wad describing was one you hadn't watched. She rattled on for was probably twenty to thirty minutes. Not that you had much sense of time out here, especially at night.

Then, you heard it. Wolves. Everyone froze for a moment, remembering Coach Ben's words from months ago.

"Wolves are scared of humans. Plus, they sound pretty far away. No one has to worry," Tai assured everyone, her words sounding so firm nothing could convince you that they weren't true.

"You know who does have to worry? Our girl Sandy." Van quickly goes back to her retelling of the movie, and you relax a bit. By the time she finishes explaining the plot, everyone seems ready to go to sleep. You volunteer to take first watch, knowing it would be easier for you to stay awake rather than have to wake up later.

As everyone else fell asleep, you sat with your thoughts. It started to hit you that this might not have been your best idea, but it was too late to back out now. You missed Natalie, you missed the warmth of all the other girls in the cabin, you missed feeling at least a little bit safe. You honestly wished you were still trekking through the woods, because at least then everyone would be awake.

Taking a deep breath, you try to calm your racing nerves. Everything was fine. You were doing this to find help, and you weren't going to go back empty-handed. They needed you. Natalie needed you.

So you watched, and you waited, and you stayed awake until it physically felt impossible for you not to fall asleep. When you knew you couldn't keep your eyes open much longer, you gently shook Taissa awake.

"Tai... Taissa, wake up. It's your turn." She barely moved, and you were surprised. It wasn't that Tai was normally a light sleeper, but if someone intended to wake her up, it was never this difficult. You knew that, often sharing a room with her, both for away games and sleepovers.

"Taissa. Tai." With that, she finally woke up, still a bit groggy.

"Sorry, Tai, really. But I can't stay awake any longer."

She just stares at you for a moment before slowly sitting up, nodding as she does. It almost feels as if you're back home, waking her up for breakfast at one of your many sleepovers. Almost.

You shoot her a grateful smile and curl up on the ground, begging for sleep to take you. It does, quickly, and you're relieved for that.

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The next morning, everyone wakes up only a bit worse for wear. Dirt on the arms, hair messy, mouths tasting like shit. Not much you can do now, but it's still a slight annoyance.

It doesn't take much to get everyone moving, the promise of finding help nudging you along. The morning goes by largely uneventfully, a little less chatter and a little slower than yesterday, but you move.

That is, until you find the dark red stream. The water honestly just looks brown to you, but Van's paranoia about Lottie's dream isn't helpful for morale, but neither is Taissa's outburst. Sometimes you wonder how the two of them could possibly fit together the way that they do, but somehow it works.

The afternoon brings a little more tension, now tired and already grumpy. No one is talking, save for Misty, and it's honestly driving you a bit insane. But you suck it up and smile, trying to bring everyone's mood up, at least a bit.

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You take first watch again tonight, to avoid a fight between Tai and Van on who should get to sleep first. It largely goes the same as the night before, trying to stay awake as long as you can to help the girls to sleep for longer, waking Tai up before falling dead asleep.

It's only about an hour later when it happens. First, of course, you hear Van's screams. It takes a moment to process what's going on, and when you do, you immediately jump into action with the others. Fighting off the wolves. You don't know how long you're like that before Taissa appears, finally scaring them away, but by then it's too late.

Van's dead.

Building the pyre, you almost feel numb. Nothing is going on inside your head, except for mild grief at the loss of a friend. So, it's no surprise that you don't notice the large gash on your upper thigh. The adrenaline coursing through you blocks away the pain.

When you do notice, it's an easy decision to cover it up. You'd be fine, it wasn't that bad. Honestly, it barely hurt. That's what you told yourself, anyways.

So, you change your pants before Van's makeshift funeral.

"Really?" Van chokes awake, sputtering on her own blood. "Fire?"

In an Instant, Taissa is hysterical, and everyone is moving Van off of the lit pyre. Part of you is relieved, the other terrified.

Misty helps Taissa to wrap Van's face as best as possible, and you again forget about the pain in your leg. When you start moving back to the cabin, you can barely feel it, you're so focused on getting Van back alive.

"Just leave me here to die." It hits you like a punch to the gut, and you can't imagine how it feels for Tai.

"No. We're getting you back there." Taissa is firm, and you're grateful for her. When she tells the four of you to go on, you do it.

In hindsight, you aren't even sure how you managed to make it back. Your jeans were soaked with blood, a combination of both yours and Van's.

You practically collapse into Natalie when you see her, only managing to get out "Van," before trying to drag her into the woods. Luckily, Misty and Akilah seem to be more eloquent, explaining to the rest of the Yellowjackets what happened.

It doesn't take long for everyone to get moving, wasting no time in trying to find Taissa and Van.

"Van!"

"Tai!"

"Taissa!"

You join in on the yelling, trying to keep up with everyone else. your leg is beginning to really hurt now, but you force yourself to keep pushing. Van needs you.

"Is she okay? She's limping," Natalie asks Akilah, voice low, as if she doesn't want you to hear.

"She tripped the other day, it might just be because of that. I'm sure she's fine." Suddenly, you're grateful for your fall. You didn't need someone freaking out over you instead of Van.

It isn't long after that you find them, curled up together on the forest floor. Taissa looks determined, more determined than she ever has before. And Van looks horrible. But with the help of Shauna and Natalie, she stands enough to drag her back to the cabin.

The stitches are the worst part. Everyone holding her down, the screams. You want to cover your ears and cry, but you don't. You hold Van down as she gets her stitches, and when she's done, you all but collapse on the floor.

Natalie comes to sit next to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulder.

"Hey. Are you okay? I noticed that you were limping earlier. And you've got blood all over you." She looks concerned, but you brush her off.

"It's Van's. And I tripped the other day." Neither thing was a lie, but it definitely wasn't the truth either.

"Y/n, seriously. You're pale as shit, you're limping. Just let me check your leg, okay?" She looks at you, and you immediately cave. It's easier to just pull off your pants, and by this point everyone has seen your underwear anyway.

She looks genuinely terrified, and you brace yourself for harshness, for "I told you so" or "Why wouldn't you say anything?" or "How could you be so stupid?"

Instead, Natalie softens, looking more worried than you'd ever seen her, save for the plane crash. She inspects the gash, noting the length and depth of it. You don't want to look, knowing how ugly it had looked before, sure it was worse now.

"Shit, fuck, okay. Relax, I'm going to get Misty or Akilah, and they can sew it up for you. It's gonna be okay, baby." She squeezes your hand softly before finding Akilah and the same needle and thread used on Van. She also brings water, and a stick for you to bite down on.

You take the water gratefully, sipping it slowly. The blood loss is making you dizzy and nauseous. While passing out could be a blessing when getting stitches, vomiting wouldn't be.

Nat sits beside you again, holding your hand as Akilah starts the stitches. You cry out, gripping Natalie's hand tightly.

"Shh, it's okay, it's going to be fine, you've got this." She keeps whispering soft, reassuring words to you, and you've never been more grateful for her in your life.

The stitches make you feel ten times worse, and it takes all your strength not to lose consciousness. You focus on Natalie next to you, trying to match her slow, steady breathing. It helps a little, and so does the fact that she's still telling you how strong you are, how amazing you're doing.

Finally, Akilah finishes, and you breathe a sigh of relief.

"You should wrap it up with a clean bandage," Akilah says to Natalie, and you know she means with a strip of cloth. Nat nods, grabbing one of her own t-shirts and ripping a strip from it.

"I'm gonna have to touch it, I'm sorry." She genuinely looks so sad, but you're grateful for the help.

"No, it's okay." When she hears you, she just nods again before wrapping the cloth around the wound. You wince, but the sting is mild compared to all that you'd been through in the past 24 hours.

Nat sits next to you again, and you're so exhausted that you don't care who sees you. You lie your head in Natalie's lap, and she immediately starts running her hand over your hair. It's nice, soft and intimate, something not readily available in the Wilderness. You drink all of it in, the way her thighs feel under your head, the way her hand feels on your hair.

"I love you." The words are firm, like they're the realest thing in this place. You feel Natalie's breath hitch for a second, but you don't have time to worry about what it could mean.

"I love you too." She leans down to press a kiss to your temple, and you swear this is heaven.

It doesn't take long after that to fall asleep, feeling safer than you have in months.

[bestworstcase]

Thanks for your response ala Ruby & Yang, great stuff!

Idle aside, but do you have any thoughts on Yang's role as the sort of black sheep of the family by dint of Raven associations?

Cos like, Tai overtly favors Ruby, projects Raven onto Yang, resents Raven being rough up and is bad enough about reminders of her Yang feels she has to apologize for his negative reactions. Let alone his... Everything else.

Then there's Qrow who doesn't seem to interact with Yang over much at all and one of if not their most major interaction. Involves him straight up saying he thinks she's either a liar hurting people for fun or "crazy".

I recall someone I was chatting with wondering: Imagine doing everything you can to keep your family from breaking apart & being compared to the woman who left you when you were a baby?

Cos I do wonder how Yang feels about all that given she seems to downplay and or try to work around her family's issues when she can. Let alone what it says about the adults in the room.

smth i think about a lot is the way yang’s narrative about her childhood shifts between v2 to v5

’cause in v2 it’s: “it was tough. ruby was really torn up, my dad kind of shut down. it wasn’t long before i learned why…” all to provide context for this anecdote about putting ruby in a wagon and running away to find her mother. and then her conclusion is “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.”

and while there is a degree here of yang framing the story to emphasize the point she wants blake to understand, it’s also very obvious in her delivery that the emotional reality of this memory for yang is “the time my stupidity and stubbornness almost got me and ruby eaten by grimm”—when she was [checks notes] like five, six years old, and regularly left at home unsupervised.

but in v5, it’s: “my mom left me. ruby’s mom left too. tai was always busy with school, and ruby couldn’t even talk yet; i had to pick up the pieces. i had to pick up the pieces. alone.”

aside from the telling slip (tai, not dad)—yang centers her own feelings and the harm this situation did to her this time. which is something she’s always felt but i don’t think she could have brought herself to say it out loud to anyone during the beacon arc, because it was pressed down under the guilt on display in burning the candle, the feeling of having been inadequate and too stubborn and too selfish and and and–

coughs quietly. “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.” / “you were predictable. and… stubborn. and maybe a little boneheaded.” yang’s narrative about the wagon incident—which happened when she was five or six!—pinning the blame on the thing tai imagines to be her fatal flaw is…probably not coincidental. yang in v4 after a year of being loved by her team and supported by mentors like glynda / oobleck / port has the perspective to know that tai doesn’t know what he’s talking about; but as a small child who’d just had a terrifying near-death experience with her baby sister… 😶

it definitely had a big impact on the way yang sees herself

BUT i do read qrow's talk with yang in 3.8 pretty differently ->

because the context is: yang saw mercury attack her and struck back in self defense, then had like a dozen synthetic soldiers point guns in her face, then looked up and saw the replay footage of herself walking over to shoot a boy who was just kneeling on the ground. and some of the most powerful authority figures in the world are pushing this narrative that stress and adrenaline "clouded her judgment."

like this would make anyone doubt their sanity. bc holy shit.

yang, though...a couple weeks ago, yang after being knocked unconscious woke up and blearily saw someone she thought was her mother walk away from her and disappear in a flash of red light. she hasn't mentioned it to anyone, because it's just so bizarre—yang doesn't know about raven's semblance yet—she must have just been seeing things. right?

aside from raven (who isn't here) and yang (who believes she hallucinated), the only other person who knows that yang saw her mom on the train is qrow, because raven told him about it. he also knows that:

tai insisted on not telling yang ANYTHING about her mother, and qrow respected that up until now; so yang doesn't know about raven's semblance and can't make sense of what she saw.

salem's infiltrators are the same people who attacked amber, and qrow didn't get a good look at them because they seemingly vanished into thin air—pretty damn good chance that one of them has a semblance that manipulates what you see.

ozpin wants #2 kept secret, so yang has some very powerful people actively trying to convince her that she's crazy. ironwood is straight up gaslighting her.

qrow also—based on the first thing he says, which is "why'd you do it?"—seems to consider it a possibility that it is what it looked like but yang did have a good reason, and i actually do not think that is an outrageous thing for qrow specifically to think. because qrow was emotionally abused as a child, and he knows yang, and in the event that yang really did suddenly turn around and punch a guy who was kneeling on the ground, why would she do it?

glances at shay d. mann. well. maybe this kid has been harassing her? maybe he said something horrible or threatening to her and in the heat of the moment she just snapped? maybe "he attacked me, i saw him attack me" isn't really a lie per se, she's just scared that "he's been picking on me ever since he got here and he made a disgusting remark and i just couldn't take it anymore" won't be taken seriously? as in, he did attack her—verbally/emotionally.

it's probably worth asking, at least!

so, qrow leads with "why'd you do it?" in case there is some invisible reason justifying the apparent action. yang says "you know why." qrow goes okay, well, i only know what i saw, so you're either lying (i.e., yang had a reason she now isn't telling) or crazy (i.e., yang saw something different from reality that was very real to her).

she says "i'm not lying." qrow believes her: "crazy, got it."

at this point, he knows the most probable explanation is that one of salem's infiltrators fucked with her head. the inner circle's gaslighting doesn't sit right with him; he's not going to buck ozpin by telling her the truth outright, but he wants to make sure yang knows she isn't losing her mind. he also has all the info needed to guess that yang is actually really really scared that she might be crazy.

which is why he kicks off the wall and begins to pace around. the language he uses sounds dismissive, but his tone is mild and his body language implies "let's talk about it, let's figure this out."

leading to:

YANG: Who knows? Maybe I am. QROW: And here I thought your dark-haired friend was the emo one. YANG: I saw my mom. …I- I was in a lot of trouble, took a pretty hard hit. But when I came to, the person attacking me was gone, and I thought I saw… her. Her sword. Like the one in you and dad’s old picture. QROW: You’re not crazy, Yang. That was your mom, alright. Let me guess—she didn’t say a word, did she? YANG: How did you know that? QROW: I don't see my sister very often, but she does try to keep in touch... whenever it suits her. YANG: Wait—you mean you talk to her? That was real!? QROW: Yeah, she found me. Had a tip from my most recent assignment and wanted me to give you a message.

it's really telling that yang responds to him this way. 'cause we've seen how yang acts when she feels dismissed or belittled:

TAI: Well, "normal" is what you make of it. YANG: What is that supposed to mean? Do you want me to just pretend like nothing happened? I lost a part of me. A piece of me is gone. And it's never coming back. TAI: You're right. It's not coming back. But that doesn't have to stop you from becoming who you wanna be. You're Yang Xiao Long, my sunny little dragon. You can do whatever you put your mind to. So whenever you're ready to stop moping, and get back out there? I'll be there for you. YANG: I– I...

she freezes and shuts down! her teachers have to come to her rescue!—but when qrow goes "crazy, got it" and suggests she's being "emo," yang blurts out her big secret. i saw my mom. to me that suggests a level of trust and understanding that isn't there with tai: qrow says stuff like "okay, so you're crazy" and "here i thought your friend was the emo one" but what he means is "hey, i know something's really bugging you, tell me about it," and yang picks up what he's putting down.

it's akin to how ruby goes "did you miss me? DID YOU MISS ME??" and qrow's like "nope" and they both laugh. or the back-and-forth ribbing between him and the girls in 3.4. there's this layer of mild ironic meanness in the way qrow converses with his nieces that all of them are fluent in, and in this scene he's using that mode to signal that "crazy" is not off-limits, that it's okay to talk about openly.

crucially, there's a code-switch in the middle of the conversation: as soon as yang gets real and says "i saw my mom," qrow reflects that seriousness back to her. you're not crazy, that was your mom, she found me afterward and told me about it. it was real. you're okay. qrow's ability to do that—to shift into a more serious mode when irony isn't appropriate—is why yang can have this rapport with him that she doesn't have with tai, because tai isn't... being ironic when he says mean or dismissive things to her.

anyway, qrow passes on raven's terrible message and then kind of annotates it: "raven's got an interesting way of looking at the world that i don't particularly agree with, and she's dangerous." (which is a very diplomatic way of saying he thinks raven is full of shit. lol.) but then he connects this whole conversation about raven back to what happened after the match: "you're a tough egg, kiddo. don't let this tournament thing getcha down. you had a slip-up; sometimes bad things just happen."

implicitly: yang isn't crazy. what she saw on the train was real, a product of raven's personality and her semblance. sometimes bad things just happen. qrow believes that yang had the experience she says she did when she punched mercury. he doesn't know why she had that experience—yang doesn't either!—but he knows she isn't just "crazy." sometimes things that seem crazy are actually real.

remember what he tells the girls in 3.4? "you may be acting like huntresses, but you're not thinking like one." same thing here. he's telling yang, hey, you're not crazy, you know what you saw, but you don't know what or who caused you to see it. "you cut off the head of the king taijitu, but now the second head's calling the shots."

hint, hint.

it's subtler than the hints qrow drops for ruby in 3.12, but very much in the same vein, and yang is plenty smart enough to figure it out. she might... not have? in the couple of hours between this conversation and everything going to straight to hell, but if they'd had literally just one more day, just long enough for the wheels turning in yang's head to click together with what ruby heard from velvet about coco hallucinating during her and yatsu's 2v2 against emerald and mercury, she would've had it.

more... generally, i've never gotten the sense that qrow projects raven's flaws onto yang in the way that tai does; qrow is definitely a lot closer with ruby than yang, but i think that has less to do with favoritism on qrow's part than it does ruby thinking he's like the COOLEST uncle ever and wanting to use a scythe like he does.

'cause like, qrow isn't their parent, he doesn't live with them, he's not responsible for raising these kids like their dad is, so while he obviously did contribute to fucking them both up because: alcoholic, ultimately there just isn't the same degree of betrayal or emotional abandonment; he's not their dad. both times yang talks in detail about her childhood, it's "my mom left, ruby's mom left, tai wasn't really around, ruby couldn't even talk, i was alone"—she doesn't mention qrow. there isn't that deep hurt, that feeling that qrow is someone who left.

when he isn't drunk, yang seems to feel pretty okay around him, and qrow likewise treats her... honestly a lot better than tai does:

he stops by their dorm in v3 to hang out with both his nieces; yang is fully in sister mode—cheers for ruby to beat him until ruby loses, immediately shoves her out of the way like "my turn!! >:D"—and qrow ribs them both, takes ribbing from both of them in good humor, tells both of them "you two are gonna go far."

qrow nicknames to show affection; ruby is "pipsqueak," yang gets "firecracker."

we only see qrow's goodbye to ruby, but in 5.4 yang indicates that qrow came to talk to her before he left, too. she also has complete trust that he's keeping the promise he made to look after ruby.

yang, as noted, opens up to him about seeing her mom; she's also shocked that he's still in contact with raven and indignant that he didn't tell her sooner, but—unlike with tai—she doesn't seem surprised that qrow is willing to talk about raven in general.

which tracks with what tai says in 4.11: "despite asking him numerous times not to, i know qrow told you where you're mother's been at these days"—meaning, this was a point of contention between him and qrow. behind the scenes, while tai refused to discuss raven at all, qrow was going okay well, let me tell her then, she deserves to know. and then ultimately he just bit the bullet and told her behind tai's back. i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out qrow had been straight with yang that her dad wanted to be the one to tell her the important stuff, and he wanted to be respectful of that, but raven wasn't an off-limits topic.

general contrast between yang-tai and yang-qrow dynamics; for example both of them say almost verbatim "you've got a long way to go before you're ready for the real world" (3.4/4.4). from tai it's belittling, he's insulting her; from qrow, it's meant to encourage, it's "remember you're still new to this, you'll make mistakes, just keep learning, keep trying." (rwby does stuff like this all the time, refracting an idea in different directions to highlight contrasts between characters; ozpin's advice to ruby vs port's advice to weiss is another example.)

a lot of qrow's resentment toward raven is centered on her abandonment of yang: "did you know yang lost her arm? [...] rhetorical question, i know you know. it's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist. [raven: "i saved her."] once. because that was your rule, right? real mom of the year material, sis." like he is PISSED on yang's behalf that raven won't even try.

my impression is that qrow—although a) often away on long missions in far away places and b) an alcoholic who sometimes got blind drunk and became a burden yang and ruby needed to take care of—when he did manage to be there, made a serious effort to connect with both of them. he ended up being closer to ruby bc she wanted to learn scythe-wielding, but i do think qrow would've trained yang too (or instead) if the girls had different combat interests.

and while his relationship with ruby has a mentorish aspect, i don't get the sense either of the girls see him as a parental figure: he wasn't part of their household, he traveled a lot, his alcoholism in combination with tai's neglect eroded the adult-child boundaries because they had to be responsible for him as often as the reverse. he's a friend who also happens to be related to them. and that's especially true for yang, because he wasn't her teacher.

(i know it's a... pretty common headcanon / fanon that qrow lived with them, but i really don't think that's supported by the text? whenever ruby or yang look back on their childhoods, the family unit is always them + tai, and qrow isolates himself out of fear that his semblance will injure those he cares about. plus ozpin sending him all over the place as the one member of team strq still active. it makes way more sense to think he lived alone, and visited when he had the chance. which is the main reason i'm WAY softer on him than on tai, 'cause qrow wasn't in a caretaker/parent role; at most he was an occasional babysitter. so while his incidents of turning up drunk on the doorstep contributed to the harm... it's like, it would absolutely have been better for them if qrow were sober, but that wouldn't have changed anything about their home life. they'd just have somewhat easier relationships with qrow.)

TO WRAP THIS BACK AROUND TO THE QUESTION, tai is unfairly judgmental and harsh with yang bc he projects his idea of her mom onto her; yang also has a better relationship with her mom's brother than she does with her dad. how do these two dynamics interact? how does yang feel about hearing from tai that she's too branwen, so to speak, while also getting along better with the branwen side of her family? how might that fuel her desire to find raven?

if her uncle treats her better than tai does, then... maybe her mom would too, if only yang could reach her?—obviously it's not rational, but like. i don't think five year old yang put her baby sister in a wagon and ran away to find her mom because she thought she would ask "why did you leave me?" and then get her answer and go home. as yang grew older and developed a more realistic perspective it shifted to "i just need to know why she left" and she projects that backward onto herself as a child, but at the time what she wanted, what she was looking for, was someone who would take care of them.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm finding rankings difficult, there's a lot of middle of the pack action and some serious top contenders

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Dec 2023 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 -  I love how they’re slowly revealing bits of their past to each other. It parallels the slow burn of them falling in love with each other. Knowledge + understanding = affection. I cried during the part with his doubles partner, of course I did. As has been mentioned many times in this blog, I am a sap. Also I’m realizing that there is something particularly clever about this show: Because Day is blind, there must be a ton of physical touch. And physical touch is something that Thai BL does really well. 

(I gotta say, while I ADORE JimmySea in these roles, a small part of me wonders how JoongDunk would have handled these parts.)

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 3 of 10 - Phaya is SO DAMN SMITTEN. It’s great. Have I mentioned recently how glad I am Billy got this role? This was the: “it’s not a date” date ep. 

I gotta say these 2 BLs are neck and neck favorites right now.

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - Uh oh. I like it a lot. I think I was always going to because I have a soft spot for TayNew on screen. It is such funny to watch Tay play such a stiff character. I like it. This is very fast paced for a Thai BL I wonder where they’ll take it with this speed, are they’ll following the manga more closely? 

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) ep 7 of 8 - Wait, no. Wahl you’re such a problem. The pacing of this is very KBL. I’m not mad about it but it feels odd in Thai. Still enjoying this one the most as my "early in the week" offering.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 2 of 10 - The booty call flirting is next level with these two. Like Bed Friends but with less pain. I love that Nail is such needy evil wild child - the story gets all its tension from that.

Baby boy gives off so many danger signals I wouldn't tap that with a 10 ft… pole. Him is a braver queer than I. I do like how the high heat is being used to drive the story. It stands in stark contrast to Playboyy. Which is using high heat to drive, well... piles apparently.

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 6 of 10 - I'm enjoying it again, the main couple is getting more BLish. 

Bake Me Please (Mon Gaga) ep 3 of 6 - Shin and Peach flirting is very cute. Although they got into that sack swiftly. Guy leaving was contrived and reactions overwrought but okay babies. 

Absolute Zero (Weds iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Now I'm mostly just confused.

Which timeline are we in?

Do they know each other in this one's past or not?

Have they met yet?

Who has which memories of what?

I feel like I’ve been through a lot for the show.

I’m not saying the reunion scene in the theater was worth it, but it was a really spectacular reunion scene. I’m terrified that there’s one more episode. I wish it had ended here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) 2 of 12 - I’m just not that into it. 

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 14 - A new ship has been set afloat, we are now Team #WayKim / #KimWay and if you're not with us, you're against us. Trash watch happening here.

Middleman’s Love (Fri YT & iQIYI ep 5 of 8 - oh look, it’s everybody’s favorite big brother!

That was a kind (and kind of lovely) coming out sequence. KingUea being the worst best Gay Advice Dads is awesome. Mai is SO SWEET. And we end on some good old miscommunication / misinterpretation, so that Jade can behave in an even more unhinged manner next ep. Our brief respite from absurdity has ended. 

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Fake Love ep 16 of 24 - They cute fake bf but it’s oddly unappealing. I mean most us queers have slept with each others exes, that’s swimming in a small pool, for ya. In my experience, only hets get butt hurt about it. (Hets never use enoug lube, they butt hurt about everything.) So the whole drama just felt confusing to me. Or maybe that's just my experience with swimming in lube? 4/10 whatever... not recommended

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 4 of 14 eps - I’m seriously considering dropping this. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - They cute. Are aquariums now gay? That’s not the definition of fish that I grew up with. 

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 2 of 8 - I'm suffering from terrible second lead syndrome. Glasses guy is new Best Boy. Also, Rise is trying to earn the Namgoong Award for Best Wingman. 

It Finished But...

SHADOW (Thai Gaga) 14 eps - completed it's run. Reports are:

It's pretty good horror but not BL. Ending is unresolved.

Given that info and this review here, it's not for me. DNF

It's Airing But...

Behind the Shadows (Korea movie) - a historical I'm interested in (if it's BL) but have no idea how to find.

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if it's safe.

Beyond The Star (Weds iQIYI) 8 eps - House of Stars meets Boyband. I was NOT impressed with ep 1. Been told I shouldn't bother.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until after it completes its run next week.

Next Week Looks Like This

12/14 Dear Kitakyushu (Thai/Japan movie) in theaters in country only, I know nothing about distribution.

Still coming:

12/23 Dead Friend Forever (Thai horror) iQIYI

Original 2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED). With the end of the year upon us I'll do an "announced for 2023 but never happened list" soon.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Of course I loved all the little language moments. I am here for the kinkification of phi.

That request for a shirt was v sexy phi+na. Thank you Jimmy.

Last Twilight bringing the pronoun and particle game to play hard.

It was a nice kiss. (Absolute Zero)

This as a perfunctory flirting kiss, I anticipate we still have The Kiss to come.

I love that Phaya's personality seems to be spin doctor, just accuse the boy of doing that you are already doing to him (or want him to do to you).

Boyfriend shirts!

And a meta reference.

The Sign is basically made for me.

(Last week)

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

Sweat & Tears

“Are you sure?” the red-haired woman looks at the blonde in front of her, who clearly struggles to take off her sandals. It’s silent in the room, two security guards waiting in the door frame for her. Tree can see clearly how Taylor's hands are shaking, almost like a tremor that has been brewing inside of her for a few hours. She’s fiddling with the buckle of her Gucci heels. Truth is, she’d prefer for Taylor to spend her evening in company of her father and herself over a nice dinner in her suite. Besides the many phone calls Tree has to make, she still cares about Taylor’s well-being first and foremost. And by the sight of it, she absolutely is not well. But knowing the blonde stubborn woman as well as she does, Tree could already tell by the minute they left the venue that Taylor is once again in a rather self-isolating mood. 

“Do you need anything?” she asks then, still watching the long blonde sitting on the couch of her hotel suite, knowing very well that she didn’t get an answer to her last question.

“Do you have water? Let me know if you need anything else. Dinner will be served as soon as you…”

“I told you, I’m not hungry.” Taylor responds then in a tone that tells Tree everything she needs to know. One more push and Taylor might actually loose her temper. She sighs.

“Alright. Call if you need anything. Alex is on call next door. These guys will be just outside your hotel room door for safety.” She says and points to the men right behind her. She looks at Taylor one last time, who is still sitting on the hotel couch, obviously exhausted and down. She doesn’t want to push her any further, but she can’t contain a last “get some rest, Tay. I know this was a rough few days but you’re doing great.”

Taylor doesn’t reply, once more, and Tree gets the message. She gives the three men next to her a look, signaling them to ensure that her door is secured at all times. Tree then leaves the presidential suite, and the big door falls into the lock. 

And suddenly, Taylor's alone. Completely alone. 

She takes a deep breath. She just needs to shower it off. With her hair in a loose bun she covers her eyes for a moment sitting there. She’s tired. So tired. But every time she tries to relax, there’s the same picture in her head. Beautiful Ana’s smiling face. The fact that this young person had to loose her life because she decided to give a concert. Taylor immediately gets up. This thought is unbearable. She needs to stop thinking about this. She walks barefoot over the burgundy carpet of her suite, makes sure the curtains are fully closed before opening the bed sheets. She’s been waiting all day for this. 

Within one second, Taylor has gotten comfortable under these heavy sheets. The air conditioning in the room is on full mode, and she’s thankful for this cooling sensation of the bed sheets on her bare legs. The incredible feeling of crawling into bed after a horrible day. Another thing that Ana will never experience again…

Just when Taylor was about to get lost in these thoughts again is when her phone vibrates for what feels like the fifteenth time tonight. She knew that her mom and Travis had been texting her. But the last thing she could do earlier was to be on the phone when everything went down. Her desperately waiting in her way too warm and stuffy dressing room. Her dad walking up and down, telling her that it’ll be alright and that everybody is on her side. Sweat dripping down her forehead. Tree being on the phone constantly and a bunch of translators running back and forth. And her? Useless just in between the chaos. She wasn’t able to tell anyone at home what was going on. There was no space. No silence. No room to breathe.. until now.

Taylor opens her iMessage chat with Travis and swallows. 18 notifications. 7 calls. He’s worried. Not just because she didn’t pick up or reply to his texts for hours now but also because he had to find out that this show, that she’s been terrified of playing all day, had been postponed last minute through an instagram post on her official handle. Never before did he have to find out something like this through social media.

Your dad told me you’re unwell. Call me when you can. No need to go through this on your own.

His last text makes her smile slightly. He never fails to show her support. And as shocked as she is that he went to the lengths of calling her father, it shouldn’t really surprise her that much. These two have hit it off to an almost greater degree than she and Travis have. Her dad adores him. No wonder these two are chatting behind her back. 

Taylor takes a deep breath, opens her front camera for a second. She looks horrific, tries to fix her bangs for a moment before calling him back. Yes, she knows he won’t care what she looks like but she still wants him to not see her at her worst. Not just yet. Just when Taylor is about to leave her bed to fix her face and her hair is when she gets an incoming FaceTime call from him. She hesitates for a second, then decides to go for it anyways. 

The second he appears on her screen is the second she feels tears boiling up again. She doesn’t know why, but something about seeing his kind face and the worried look in his eyes opens the flood gates for her. She needs him. Oh lord, how much she would love to tell herself that it isn’t so.

“Oh baby” is all he brings out for a second. The little tear escaping Taylor’s eye and rolling its way over her cheek hasn’t remained unnoticed by him. She doesn’t say anything, just makes sure to wipe the incoming tears as much as humanly possible.

“I’m sorry, I…” just when she was about to apologize for how he’s witnessing her right now is when he interrupts her already. 

“Tell me everything. I just got home from practice and I’m all yours. Your dad said there was some issues with the people there again?” 

Taylor takes a deep breath, glad that he’s there. Glad that she can talk about it. Glad that she knows he wants to listen.

“It’s a nightmare. I told you this morning how they threatened Tree and 13 that I’m contractually obligated to perform because apparently the circumstances aren’t as bad as they need to be for a show like this to be cancelled. Like..” Taylor can barely find words to describe her anger, just feels angry tears following the ones from before while her hands are making a grand gesture.

“I mean, a young girl has died... DIED the day before and they don’t think this is as bad as it gets? And Tree also told them about my little incident last night and…”

“Thank god!” Travis interrupts her. She knows the second he learned about her fainting backstage after the show, was the second he himself started to worry more than she would want him to.

“Yeah but, they basically still wanted us to go through and then they finally agreed to providing free water if we cover the costs. Which is something they shouldn’t even charge anyone for, but like.. of course I would pay for that. I didn't even care. And yet once people started getting seated and the arena got more and more packed, there was no water being handed out to people. Nothing. If… if my team hadn’t flagged this, I probably never would’ve known, Trav and…”

“This is unbelievable.” He just says, sighs deeply and is clearly angry too. He’s sitting on his couch, wearing one of her beloved huge sweaters that she’s been stealing so often. What would she give to cuddle herself into his chest, feel his big arms hold her tight and simply fit her little big world into the palm of his kind hands right now.

“Yup. So I just posted it. On Instagram. Because there was no getting out of the show unless I pull the plug myself. They’re threatening us with a lawsuit now, but..”

“Oh fuck that. No chance.” he says and she nods. Hard to imagine that she doesn’t even care about this possible lawsuit at all. There’s so many other things she cares about more in this moment. 

“Well, besides that. We reached out to Ana’s parents and… they’re in shock. They hate me. They disagreed to speak to me. And..” 

Taylor wants to continue speaking but the lump in her throat is growing to a size that makes it hard to breathe for her.

“I’m sure they don’t hate you.” he says, cannot stand seeing his girl cry all alone in this hotel bed, on the other side of the earth. He’s never been closer to jumping on the next plane there as he’s been right now. 

“Well, they’re in shock I assume. And they have every right to hate me. And then on top of all this the hotel is swarmed by people. They have basically taken the cars we took from the venue because my team covered the license plates. For safety. Literally to not get chased on the fucking high way. But no chance. So now, all we can do is just stay at this hotel and hope for tomorrow to be better and…”

She stops then, knows that she’s just been rambling for a while now. And as much as she hates to present this anxious and crying version of herself to Travis, she kind of feels a lot better all of the sudden. It felt good getting it off her chest. It felt good just telling somebody that she’s not doing well. A few last hiccups escape her mouth and she’s drying her face with her hands. Her eyes are puffy, red and swollen. But she doesn’t even care anymore. There’s so many worse things that can happen than looking like this.

“Oh Tay..” he says then. Doesn’t move from where he sits, just straight up looks at her through his phone. 

“Yup.” she just says, knowing damn well that no one knows what to say about this nightmare weekend. She feels bad all of the sudden to put all these heavy feelings on him, especially because he never asked her to.

“I’m sure every single person you spoke with tonight has said this to you before, but I’ll say it again.” he says then, a serious look on his face. She’s never witnessed him like this before and it definitely draws her attention even more to the screen than before. 

“None of this, was in your power. None of this.” he says, and she knows he means it. Taylor takes another deep shaky breath and looks back at him. She nods. Hearing him say these words almost makes it possible for her to believe them. 

“I know, you take pride in having control over things and organizing and planing things to a tee. But there’s always gonna be stuff out of your control, and sometimes things go horribly wrong. But that’s absolutely out of your control. I hope you know that, babe.”

She looks at him for a moment, doesn’t say anything. Then she nods. Why is it that she believes anything he says? 

“I know. It’s just…” she stops, feels new tears forming. For a moment, she’s collecting herself again. Travis can see what she’s doing. She’s trying to hold back her tears. He hates it. 

“Hey, it’s okay to cry sometimes. Don’t try to play it all cool with me. I hate when you do that.”

Taylor almost starts laughing through her tears, and so does Travis. 

“I just… I’m sure you had an exhausting day today as well and all we talk about is me again. And…”

“Shut up.” Travis interrupts her again, and Taylor just wipes her tears. 

“I had a boring day. All I was thinking about all day was you. I love you. I’m worried about you. Stop playing it cool with me. It’s okay to cry about this.”

Taylor doesn’t move. Her head is leaning against the velvet bed rest behind her. She looks awful and for a moment she doesn’t care because she can feel that he doesn’t. She nods. Tears still streaming down her face.

“I miss you. And... I love you, too.” 

It still feels weird knowing that these words escape her mouth as casually as they do, but it feels so good and so right. She loves him. He loves her. Unbelievably beautiful to travel the world with this knowingness in her heart and head.

Travis sighs deeply from where he is. He slowly sits up. The iPhone camera still right in front of his face. 

“Do you think I’d get in trouble if I call in sick tomorrow and coach Reid sees pictures of me sneaking into your hotel in Rio?” 

Taylor can’t help but laugh quietly. She knows he wants to be there for her. But she’s gonna be fine. Knowing that he’s there, in her life, just a call away, is enough for her to know that she’s gonna be fine. 

“Let’s not get you into any more trouble than you're already in now.” she says jokingly then, for the first time tonight there’s no tears coming down her cheeks. It’s been healing to see his face, to hear his voice. The calm after a storm. A warm hug after a horrible day. That's what this is for her. That's what he's been for her since the moment he walked into her life.

“Tay, I’m worried about you.” He says then, and she knows this time it’s him who’s becoming vulnerable. It feels ridiculously good to know he cares. Even though she’s almost embarrassed to have put him in this position. It’s all new between them, still. He’s never had to deal with her lows before. She never had to ask herself if this could be too much for him, as it has been for everyone before him. 

“Don’t be.” 

“No, I’m serious.” He says then. The look on his face is still gentle and kind but she knows he’s being serious about this.

“I don’t mean the fact that you’re upset or that your show is cancelled but I’m worried about your physical health and your safety. Have you had dinner yet?” 

“Baby, I know you’re worried and it’s so sweet but I can assure you that Tree and my team are taking care of me very well. There’s like five guys in front of my hotel room door right now, and..”

“Have you had dinner yet?” he asks again and she knows he knows. He’s been incredible when it comes to her sometimes problematic eating habits, ever since she told him about this topic. Never before did he ever comment on anything she’s done or hasn’t done in relation to food. But her collapsing backstage last night did something to him. It’s in his eyes, it’s in the way this question comes out of his mouth so firmly. He's scared. He cares.

“I’m still a bit nauseous from the heat and..”

“Did you get an IV?”

“I didn’t need one today. I didn’t perform. So..”

“You said it was incredibly hot in your dressing room? Didn’t you spend all day there? That's not the best way to spend a day before performing for three hours in the heat.”

“Yeah but it was fine. It’s just.. whenever it’s hot I can’t really eat much. So…”

“Baby, please make sure to eat something tonight and drink enough water. I also still think another IV before your show tomorrow would be a good idea.”

She takes a deep breath and nods. He’s right. He always is. But what she appreciates the most in this moment is the tone of his voice. He’s assertive. But he’s gentle. A combination that impressed her from the moment they met. 

“I know.” she just says. 

“I almost had a heart attack when your dad told me you passed out last night.” he says, and she sighs. She knows this incident scared him. She can’t blame him. If she were to ever get a call from his mom, telling her that he fainted on the other side of the world she would probably lose her damn mind. 

“It’s just… performing like that for three hours at 140 degree? It’s horrible.”

“I bet.” he says quickly. “And I’m so glad you cancelled tonight.” 

Taylor nods. Somehow, just hearing him say these things really calms her down slowly. 

“I miss you. I’m not dealing with it too well at the moment.” she says once more, and his mouth turns into this beautiful smile she loves so much. 

“Me too. It’s been so hard focusing on anything after Argentina. After seeing you perform, sleeping in one bed with you. Kissing you good morning. I could get used to that.” 

Taylor smiles instantly, and nods. He speaks her mind, once more.

“Can’t wait to see you next week. Even though I’ll miss Thanksgiving. It breaks my heart, but..”

“Hey, we’ll do our own little post-Thanksgiving dinner. Don’t worry about that.” 

“Trav?”

“Mhm?”

“Thanks for being there for me tonight. I feel so much calmer than I did half an hour ago.”

The man on the other side of the screen smiles at her once more. He’s so happy to be this person for her. He’s so happy to have this effect on her.

“See, that’s what I’ve been telling you all along. Whenever we speak, my day gets 99% better. Just after seeing that face.”

She giggles quietly. 

“How are you? How was practice?” she asks then, wishes she had asked him before earlier. She hates when it’s all about her. He knows that. 

“Was good. Nothing special happened. Just got home, ordered some food and might pop into Brit’s Thanksgiving dinner later tonight.”

“Oh my gosh, yes! How could I forget? Ugh I can’t believe I won’t be able to go. Give her a hug from me okay?”

Travis smiles and nods.

“Of course. I won’t stay long though because I have physiotherapy tomorrow super early.” he sighs and it makes Taylor smile. He usually doesn’t mind getting up early but he definitely does on a Sunday morning. 

“What are you doing now? Are you in your suite?” he asks and Taylor nods. Her tears have finally dried and she fixes the heavy bedsheets over her body. It’s really gotten cold in this room. At least here, the air conditioning works just fine. 

“Yup. It’s like.. eight I think. I’ll just go take a shower and watch some Netflix and that’s it.” she says, clearly not impressed by her plan of the evening now that she won’t play a show in front of thousands of people. 

“Order some food, baby. And dessert. Promise me.”

Taylor smiles slowly, then nods. He’s right. She needs some dessert tonight. 

“Thanks for being there for me.”

“Don’t ever thank me for this again. Of course I’m here for you.”

Taylor smiles, then gets closer to the screen and kisses her phone camera. He laughs quietly.

“Go take a shower now and call me when your dinner has arrived. We can eat together. My lunch should be here in a bit.” 

Taylor nods, sits upright for the first time tonight. That’s actually a better idea than for her to be crying alone watching some Netflix show.

“Sounds great.” She says, slowly gets up and makes her way to the bathroom. 

“I’ll call you in a bit. Okay?” 

“Okay.”

“I love you, baby.”

“Love you.”

A few moments later, Taylor steps out of the shower, dries her body with the soft white cotton towels at the end of the generous bathroom and quickly reaches for the robe on the hanger next to the bathroom door. She slowly covers her still damp body in the white fabric, then leaves the warm bathroom to step back to the main room of her suite. The cold air of the air conditioned room hits her gently. She weirdly can’t find the body lotion she brought. It must still be flying around in her suitcase. 

Taylor slowly crouches down, starts rummaging through her big suitcase. Why is she always so messy when it comes to packing? 

Suddenly, she gets startled by a knock on the door. One knock. Then another. For a second, she stands up. Just ensuring to wrap the fabric of the robe even tighter around her body than before. She slowly makes her way to the door of the suite, still barefoot. Her hair still in a bun from the body shower she just took. 

“Hello?” she asks carefully, can already hear Dustin from her team speaking. 

“Taylor? We have a delivery for you. Do you mind opening up?”

Once more, Taylor clutches onto the robe covering her naked body, making sure she's still fully covered. She carefully opens the door, finds two security men still standing right in front of the door. But to her surprise, Dustin is carrying something very big and very heavy in his arms. She’s confused. White paper covering the package.

“Do you mind if I…?”

Taylor realizes quickly that he needs to place the heavy delivery somewhere. She steps aside, lets him enter the suite. Dustin carefully places the package on the little side table next to the couch of the suite. 

“What’s.. what’s this?” 

“A delivery from the hotel. I was asked by Tree to bring it to you directly.” 

Taylor looks confused, just covers her mouth as Dustin proceeds to peel off the paper from the top of it. Behind the packaging, a massive bouquet of red roses becomes visible. It’s a ball of flowers. She’s never seen so many put so beautifully together. 

“Oh my god? What…”

“This is the card for you.” he says, smiles warmly at her and proceeds to leave the suite again. Taylor just remains standing there. The door falling into the lock, her robe still a little bit too big on her, both eyes on the beautiful roses in the middle of her living room. She quickly opens the envelops that Dustin just passed to her. For a moment she reads these printed words. Then she looks back at the flowers and smiles. The biggest smile she's smiled in days.

Because I’m always with you, even when you can’t see me. I’m so proud of you. 

I love you.

Travis

[firstkanaphans]

Not only do your FK Safe House posts give me life, because they were so freaking adorable when they were in the house together. I’m also so happy to see another person who cannot stand Foei and has not forgotten or forgiven him for the horrible things he said and did during SF, he is literally the reason they no longer have SF as a series. I was genuinely worried for First’s safety in the house once Tay also left, poor First left without close friends and with Foei and White still there, threatening to do the things they said!? I bet he was terrified to go to sleep at night. You know it’s bad when the producers pulled Foei and White out of bed first thing in the morning and marched them in front of the cameras - with First - to apologize to not only him but also the viewers for what they said. Foei gives me the ick so bad, so it’s nice to see someone else that feels the same way.

He’s a legitimately vile human being and just seeing his face makes me uncomfortable and angry. They should have pulled both him and White from the house after that happened. Like imagine the fallout if he had said that to a woman. He wouldn’t be employed. He wouldn’t be able to work in this industry. We would never have to see his stupid face again.

The sad thing is that I 100% believe First when he says he wasn’t offended, but I’m going to go ahead and be offended for him. I’ve always thought that Khaotung’s comment while they were doing Only Friends promo about how First is sometimes too nice and people take advantage of him was maybe referring to this incident—or at least incidents like it.

I also feel like it makes it 1000x worse that First and Tay didn’t even get the joke and they kept making it anyway. Like it’s one thing if you’re trying to get someone to laugh along with you, but it’s another when you’re making derogatory comments they don’t even understand.

And just to be clear, making those types of jokes is never okay, but I’ve seen differing opinions on just how bad what he said was in a cultural context (I believe the joke was part of a Thai TikTok trend at the time) and without being a native speaker it’s hard to completely pass judgment for anyone but myself. But for me, it was definitely not okay.

One thing I’m looking out for on my Safe House rewatch is Khao’s reaction to everything because he wasn’t in the room when it happened and I’ve seen plenty of people say he was acting differently towards Foei and White afterwards, but I didn’t notice anything myself at the time. I’m curious if he actually was more distant or if that was just wishful thinking on the fandom’s part. First was, of course, his usual cheerful self because he’s the nicest human on the planet.

Anyway, it was just a horrible situation all around and I agree that that is probably why we won’t ever get another season of Safe House. It still turns my stomach to think about and knowing they willingly said all of that in front of live cameras…What were they saying behind the scenes? The fact that Foei still has a job is unforgivable, but at least White’s gone. And good riddance.

I’m glad you’re enjoying my Safe House posts, Anon. I’ve had a lot of fun rewatching because it’s so rare to see FK completely unfiltered like that. They bring me so much happiness.

[And because I know I’ll probably get another ask about it, you can read the specifics on why I don’t like Foei here.]

[adventuringblind]

Drive With You Forever

Chapter Six: When they realized then needed a bigger bed

Max Verstappen x reader x Charles leclerc x lando norris

Chapter Summary: Lando is a bit insecure, sleeping arrangements are changed, reader gets an ominous letter, Charles is furious with Ferrari

Warnings: anxiety, insecurities, creepy people, ferrari being idiots

Notes: so, hear me out here y'all. Any thoughts on adding a fifth 👀

Previous <-

Masterlist

Lando spent the rest of the break with them. Or, as much as he could.

He felt like he belonged every time he was near them. Even if they were just sitting. He felt loved and wanted.

They hadn't officially said what they are yet. Lando has no idea where any of this is going. But for now, he's enjoying it.

The start of the season came around quickly. All of them are back to traveling around the world in now time.

Something new is in the air, however.

Covid had been a possible threat to their sport. It had already canceled other events and prohibited people from leaving their houses.

They got to spend a few days in Australia before being sent home. Ordered to tay inside.

Lando was terrified. He hates being cooped up, and he hates being alone. Two of his worst nightmares come to get him. The idea makes him want to vomit.

It's her idea that he stays with them. He practically lives there already anyway. Max is especially excited to have his gaming buddy in the same house, and Charles is glad that Lando is open to the idea of all this.

All of you hated the idea of not being able to leave the house. The only thing keeping everyone sane is each other.

The boys have taken to streaming. The setup in every room made to look like it's an entirely different house.

There have almost been a few close calls. Her awareness of tlwhen they have a camera on not the greatest. It's specifically difficult when all three odbthen are playing and she has nowhere to go.

Max took the main bedroom. Lando has been living in the guest bedroom and set up there. Charles has a corner of the living room. It leaves very few safe spots for her.

Their sleeping arrangement hadn't changed. Lando is still holed up in the guest bed. Despite all three of them making it known he could sleep with them if he wanted.

She saw the anxiety flashing through his eyes every time they brought it up. They'd tried talking to him about it it multiple times now only for Landonto shut down right before their eyes.

"You could just kiss him." Suggests Max one night like as the three crawl into bed.

"And send him straight into a panic attack?" Charles counters. His hands under his pillow and spine facing the ceiling.

"Have we ever considered that maybe he doesn't want this?" She ponders. Her arms wrap around her legs and pull them into her. Both boys just shake their heads. They'd all picked up on how he was testing certain boundaries. Slowly getting comfortable with being more touchy. He asks questions about them whenever he sees them do something new. Longing glances cast between him and the other three when they do something romantic.

“I think he’s just shy.” Charles voice is muffled by his head in his pillow.

“Maybe we need a slow start.”

~

Lando can’t sleep that night. The tossing and turning he’d been doing forever, not helping him. There are too many thoughts. There are too many wants. Not enough sleep.

He'd been listening to someone tiptoeing around outside. The hushed whispers of deep male voices. Sometimes, the cats would pur outside the door.

He was already when he heard someone softly knocking on the door. "Yeah?"

The door opens, revealing the outline of a female figure. She pads over to the bed and crawls in next to him. "Can I stay? The boys are snoring. Only if you're okay with it, though."

'"Yeah, sure, it's no problem. I can't sleep either, actually."

She slides herself under the covers and curls up into his sides.

He'd been more touchy with then recently. He didn't know the limits and it seemed like touch is a secondary form of communication. But this felt different. Seeing her completely relaxed, head on his chest and his arm now wrapped around her. It's more intimate. She's letting herself be completely vulnerable with him. Something very few get the privilege of.

He did even realize he fell asleep until he's awoken by another set of knocks. They just come in without knocking.

"Can't believe you left us." Charles feigns and exaggerates a look of heartbreak.

"You sounded like your engine at the start of a race." She counters.

Max keels over from laughing so hard.

None of them mention the way Lando is holding her. Neither of them make it awkward.

"Can we join you? You look so cozy." Max smiles at them. His voice raspy from his previous sleep.

"Sure, if it's not weird or anything."q

"Why would it be weird?" The girl on his chest asks. He looks at her, and there is genuine confusion in her eyes.

"I'm not - you know - with you guys."

"Do you want to be?"

He's grateful the lights are low because he can feel the heat in his cheeks. Everything in him wants to say yes.

"The offer is there Lando, if you want it."

He goes to sleep with that thought in his head. The presence of other people comforting enough to send his head into the bliss of unconsciousness.

~

The way they wake up in the morning is absolutely ridiculous. The girl is still on top of Lando's chest. The two of them are tucked protectively into Max. His arm managing to grip both their waists. Then Charles is sprawled across their legs.

He's met with pretty eyes batting down at him. A smile creeping on his face at the sight. "Is this normally how you wake up?"

"Depends on the night." She answers with a chuckle. He lets himself relax into the soft feeling of the bed. The other two males waking up slowly to the sun drifting in through the window.

"Why me? I don't add anything to the group."

"You don't have to add anything. Yourself is enough because we love you." She smiles. "Seb says I spent so much time away from people that now I have too much love to give."

The German had told her it's okay to want to love more than one person. It just means she has a big heart and wants to share it.

"Is it bad that I like waking up like this? With everyone?"

Max tightens his grip. "We can do this all the time, if you want."

Lando gains the biggest grin on his face. "I think I would like that."

"We're going to need a bigger bed." Comes Charles voice, muffled since his face is in the bed.

His comment making everyone giggle

Then three became four

~

They did manage to get a bed big enough for them. Instead of a set place they had previously, the file in where ever seems most comfortable for the night.

It didn't take long to move Lando in. He didn't have much left at his apartment anyway.

They did have to rearrange some furniture and get another dresser. Their original storage far from enough now. They'd give new purpose to the guest room by basically turning it into a closet. They are proud of their handiwork on that.

Now, if someone wants to stay with them, they'll have to explain why there is a room full of dressers and drawers. Not that they're complaining, though.

Lando had fallen right in sync with how they've been operating. Even adding his own things to their routine.

The four of them were on the couch just talking about anything and everything. Lando with his new hobbies, Max and his iracing team, Charles and his music, her with her new inventions.

They'd wanted to know for a while now what been keeping her attention. She'd done small projects up til this point, and now she had been working on the same thing for weeks. They had yet to figure it out.

Then Max's phone was ringing. Then went Charles. Followed by Lando. The three darting to seperate room to answer without bothering eachother.

She considered calling Seb. Only to cure her boredom while waiting for them to return. She called him and Hanna almost daily. They'd laughed when she told them about Lando. Seb commented that she's collecting drivers at this point. The joke made her laugh so hard she alerted the entire house.

It doesn't take long for Max to come back, practically jumping with excitement. "We can race again!" He cheers. His celebration continued by lifting her into his arms and swinging her around.

Charles and Lando do the same thing, and by the time they finish, the floor is moving beneath her. She had yet to get a phone call. She works for Ferrari, so she figures it will come soon.

She is, however, very wrong.

She gets a call from Mattia hours later. The boys exited to celebrate the return of their livelihoods with her when she comes back with the good news.

All three are shocked to see her return downcast. Her phone call lasts longer than the other three combined. They can't hear anything aisde from small sniffles.

She doesn't want to tell them what was said. She dosen't want to ruin their night with her problems.

Mattia had called just to tell her not to come anywhere near the garage. Somone had been leaking Ferrari designs and data to Redbull. The most likely suspect is her because she's dating Max, but that's their only evidence.

It feels wrong. She feels let down in a way. Did they really think she would do that?

She's drying her tears before they can see them, but they know. They'd seen her upset enough times to know when she's hurting.

Charles is the first to embrace her. The hug causes her to fall into him. She choked on her sobs as she hid her face in his chest. His fingers fall into the same soothing pattern that always calms her down.

"They think I told Max Ferrari secrets." She sobs.

The other three exchange looks of anger and confusion. Obviously, someone had done it if they had a reason to think this, but to blame it on her makes no sense. She'd been with them longer than Charles. She practically lived in the garage helping the mechanics.

"I promise I didn't, Charles. I could never hurt you and Seb like that."

"I know you didn't, mon chéri. You're too busy trying to help Max not crash his car. Our secrets won't fix that.

Lando bites his lip to hold a laugh in, and Max dramatically clutches at his chest. "I'm offended by this Charles. Next time, I'm crashing into you."

~

Their first day back, she immediately ran off to find seb. Only to hault in her tracks when she sees him in the Ferrari garage. She looks at Charles, who followed close behind since they needed to go to the same place anyway. "Can you tell Seb I'm out here and want to see him, please?"

The Monegasque nods understandingly and stalks off. Still angry that they've kicked her out of any Ferrari places in the Paddock.

Seb nods his head at Something Charles said, then comes in her direction. Despite the protocol, the German hugs her anyway. "I'm trying to sort things out, I promise."

"I'm alright, really, I'm just disappointed that they think so low of me after all these years." She sighs.

The engineers are looking at her with sad and longing glances. She was immensely helpful to their strategy and safety. Very few of them really believe what they've been told.

She spends her newfound freedom to see those she hadn't in months. Daniel's smile is still as big as the last time she saw it in person. Alex and Lily haven't changed a bit. George seems to have gotten taller over the break. Then Carlos, his jokes just as bad as when they last saw each other.

Pierre and Kika end up finding her. Pierre spent a good chunk of time with Charles, and though he hasn't said anything, she gets the feeling the Frenchman knows there's something going on.

She doesn't know where to go. Everyone knows her as the Ferrari girl. It hurts seeing everyone in red and wishes she could be there with Seb.

Redbull is out of the picture for now. If Seb is trying to fix things, that would make it worse. McLaren seems like a good option, but even then, she doesn't know if she'll be wanted.

She finds a corner of the paddock that's secluded and tucks herself away. Her mind is doing its best to try and escape the reality that she is no longer with Ferrari.

~

It seems nobody is going to disturb her. That she may get to sit here in peace. Until someone she doesn't recognize is standing in front of her.

He looks like a fan. "Excuse me, sir, do you need help?" She asks. Her voice made to be friendly since he's probably not trying to disturb her and she dosent want him to feel bad.

"Actually, I was looking for you." He fishes around in his pockets and pulls out a note. The envelope folded and creased and he hands it to her.

"He said he's nit finished with you." Is his only statement before turning on his heels and leaving her alone again.

~

She texted the boys that she was going to the hotel. The encounter left her with a sick feeling. She just made up some excuse about not feeling comfortable around the Ferrari garage. It's only Thursday. They won't miss her with their media duties to keep them busy.

Her fingers hold the crinkled envelope. No address or name on it.

Her curiosity gets the better of her, and she's ripping it open to soothe it. The letter itself is just a handwritten piece of white lined paper. Nothing special.

The contexts inside the note make her sick. She knows this handwriting. It's her father's.

Sentences about how he's going to come back for her when they let him off parole. How he's been spending his free time learning everything the government would teach him. He was a benefit to them and he is benefiting from them.

There are instructions about how to keep herself in top condition for when he is finally able to continue his work. To make her whole. To let her atone for her sins.

The room feels as if it's closing in on her. She can't breathe. All sense of reason lost to the idea she could be going back there.

But she's an adult now, right? He can't tell her what to do.

She tucks the note into her coat pocket. Praying the boys don't go rifling through her things. She's not going to tell them. Worry about what it could do to them eating her up inside.

They have jobs to do. She's just here now. Alone and lost. Just like all those years ago.

~

Traveling with the four of them makes trips fun. Somone is always getting up to something.

The constant banter filled with love and tender moments makes everything worth it.

She feels guilty for hiding what happened. The note still hidden in the same pocket.

She's analyzed every bit of it. Her free time still massive since Ferrari determined they are not taking her back. Charles and Seb have been struggling more since her departure. The mechanics are trying to make up for her speedy repairs, and the engineers spend more time looking and analyzing data.

The boys can see she's hurting. Charles sees it every time he's heading to the paddock. Lando notices when she looks at her old Ferrari shirts. Max can seem to pull her head away from trying to figure out who did leak the information. Terrified it could hurt Seb and Charles more if the same person is able to do it again.

Max had even made a statement about it along with Charles. Neither of them being heard.

She's basically glued to Lando now. The McLaren garage her new safe place since corners are now seemingly dangerous. They welcome her in with open arms. Lando enjoys sending pictures of her to their group chat, much to her displeasure.

Seb is the one who catches wind of redbull not having a second driver yet. Silly season in full swing with the German moving to Aston Martin, Carlos moving to Ferrari, and Daniel coming to McLaren.

He's over bugging Christian within minutes. Max being dragged with him.

"Just give her a chance. You trusted me once and I wouldn't lie to you. It could actually hurt my career more if you let her drive." Pleads the German.

Christian turns to Max. "Have you seen her drive?"

"Yes, and I can confirm that she fast."

"I'll Gove her one test drive to prove it."

Seb and Max are smiling in excitement. Max is rapidly texting the group. All of them cheering in the message stream.

A week later, she's able to test drive an older car. They geared her up. Her nerves settle in as she slips her helmet on and slips into the car.

All the boys are there to cheer her on. There are a few skeptical looks from people here and there, but they don't say anything.

She fires up the engine and waits for the go-ahead. Her mind fires up as well. Her fingers are getting every piece of information from the car she needs to get the best out of it.

Then engineers release her, and she drives out of the pits. Starting a slow lap to learn the car and track.

She lets small images in of what could happen. A possible spin on her third lap that can be avoided by staying on the inside of the turn. She's flying by lap three and is able to correct the mistake she saw herself make.

Her lap times are gradually getting faster as an engineer gives her data and things they want her to try.

It's not perfect, but she's fast, and she listens. She takes the corrections she's given and gives some feedback of her own. Even asking questions here and there.

She's signing the papers that afternoon. Seb having looked over the contract with her since she doesn't have a manager herself.

She calls Hanna first. The older woman practically screams into the phone, and the kids are chanting her name.

The boys are all over her that night. The four of them celebrate her monumental achievement. The smile doesn't leave her face all night.

~

The off-season is back, and she is busier than she's ever been. Max had to force her to set up every social media account under the sun. The PR team are attempting to get her out there so she dosent go into the season a stranger.

It's weird posting updates about her life for strangers. Though she will admit it is fun to see what her friends and partners post.

It's a controversial subject. She is hardly known and did a little racing prior but nowhere near the amount she should have to be in Formula 1, and she's female.

Some fans have taken a liking to her, and others are ripping her to pieces. She's incredibly glad the boys are there to help her navigate the shark infested waters of the internet.

Speaking of the boys, they've been trying to let her come to them. The guilt that's been eating away at her is showing in everything now.

Her smile drops when she thinks nobody is looking. She's struggling with simple daily tasks. She been more reserved than normal, and frankly, it's scaring them.

Lando decoded he wanted to try his hand at a new recipe, and Charles decided he wanted to be a menace in the kitchen. Max and their female quarter are lounging at the table.

Max is trained to notice small things. He has to as part of his job. So when her eyes flicker to the pocket of her blue zip-up, he knows something isn't as it seems.

"Is your jacket more interesting than me now?" He pokes. Trying to make light of her gloom and ease her into opening up.

Her eyes winden the smallest bit as she shakes her head no too fast for his liking. "Just distracted, sorry."

He can't take it. His instincts are clawing at the back of his mind that something is wrong and her jacket it the answer.

He throws himself over the couch, grabs her jacket, and then plops himself right back down next to her. Lando's frustrated wails echoing in the kitchen as he does so.

"I know something is bothering you and it's something to do with this jacket. Now, either I'm going to find out via investigation, or you can tell me." He quirks his eyebrows at her in a questioning look.

She's shaking now. Her face losing the slightest bit of color. Her hands find her head as the word no falls from her lips repeatedly.

Max places a hand on her knee. "Whatever this is, we'll get through it together, all of us. We want to help you, okay? But we can't do that if you shut us out." He keeps his voice steady and soft. The words he said resonate with her.

She reaches her hand into the pocket and pulls out a letter. Her fingers tremble as she hands it to him to read.

Max takes it cautiously. He can see the panic increasing in her body language. The note crinkled as he unfolds it. His eyes scan furiously over the words.

It makes sense why she's been distant, he thinks. The letter obviously causing her to pull away in case something happened to her.

Max tugs her into his side. "We're not going to let anything happen to you. Honestly, I think Seb may actually start a war if something does."

A ghost of a smile tugs at her lips. "I'm sorry for not telling you. It was just scary how it all happened."

"I understand why you are so scared. Just remember you have three very protective boyfriends who won't let him anywhere near you."

"Seb says he wouldn't be shocked if we get a fifth at this rate."

"Honestly, I don't think any of us would."

The moment is interrupted by shreiks from the kitchen. "Charles! You ruined it!"

~

Next ->

Tags: @styles-sunflower @purplephantomwolf @boiohboii @reblog-princess-blog @jjsprobablywrong @jayda12 @faithm120601 @eugene-emt-roe @lpab (comment if you want to be added)

[kaminocasey]

Drift This Way

Summary: *SEASON 2 SPOILERS* Tech wins the pod race. You can't help but express your worries.

A/N: I was gonna wait to post this tomorrow but I was just too excited. ALSO, @space-girl-and-droids-art inspired the tattoos mentioned, with THIS art!!!! STILL OBSESSED!!!!! <3

Pairing: Tech x Reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI; None

WC: 1K

TAGLIST FORM

Gif Credit: @starqueensthings

Tech won the riot race. It was both thrilling and terrifying. After seeing what happened to Tay-0, you were horrified. If that happened to Tech… you don’t know what you would have done with yourself. It’s not like you could put Tech back together like you did with Tay-0, twice.

“You’ve never done this before.” You grab Tech before he starts to walk over to the pod. “What if you crash and die?”

“The odds of that happening are-” He starts but the announcer starts to tell everyone to make their way to their pods.

You tighten your grip on his hands. “If you die, I won’t forgive you.”

He smiles ever so slightly. “Do not worry.” 

Your worrying was surprisingly for nothing. He was actually a natural. Which shouldn’t surprise you at this point. 

When you get back to Cid’s ship, Omega starts to talk about how they should go to more riot races but you quickly shut that idea down. When Hunter finds out, he’s probably going to blow a fuse. 

“Are you alright?” Tech asks when you sit down in the co-pilot seat.

You nod. “I’m fine. You?”

“I’m fine as well. I was referring to your earlier comments about not forgiving me if I died, though.” He raises an eyebrow as he looks at you.

“Oh. That.” You feel yourself go warm in the face with an awkward chuckle.

“That.” He nods. 

You shrug. “I don’t know… I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re so good at pod racing.” 

“You shouldn’t.” He teases, lightly and you roll your eyes.

You both are quiet for a bit, listening to Wrecker and Omega ask Cid more questions about pod racing. Cid starts to tell her about the legendary pod races that they had on Tatooine and Omega asks if you can go see them next. 

“NO.” You and Tech say, simultaneously.

Looking at each other, you can’t help but laugh. 

“You know… I have to admit, seeing you be confident in your racing was something.” You tell Tech when you get back to Ord Mantell. 

“Always the tone of surprise.” He tuts. 

You grin up at him as he sits at the bar in Cid’s. 

“It was nice to see you confident, is all.” You shrug, taking a sip of your drink.

“Do you prefer it when I’m confident?” He asks, leaning on the bar so that he can look at you.

Is Tech flirting? With you? “I think I like any version of you.”

“Noted.” He nods, drinking his own drink.

Later that night, you pace quietly in front of Tech and Echo’s room above Cid’s multiple times before giving up and starting to walk back to your own. 

“Is that you pacing outside my door?” Tech peeks his head out.

You look over at him, nervously. “Uh, yeah… sorry.” 

He walks out in just his sleep pants, his bare chest showing his tattoos that he’s gotten over the years. You’re taken by surprise. You didn’t peg Tech as the tattooed type. Also, how have you never seen him shirtless before now?

Your mind goes slightly blank at the sight of him. “Um…” He steps toward you, letting his door slide shut behind him and you meet him halfway, as if you can’t help but gravitate toward him. You always do.

“I’m sorry if it seemed like I didn’t believe in you today. I should have been more supportive.” You lean against the wall in between your doors. 

“It’s alright. I understand you were just worried.” He nods. “Even if I still don’t fully understand why.”

“Do you not?” You want desperately to reach out and trace the markings on his skin, to touch him.

He shrugs. “I have a couple of guesses.”

“Tell me.” You step closer to him. 

His lips part slightly as he looks down at you with fidgeting hands, as if he wants to reach out and touch you as well.

“My first guess is that you’d be upset that you would be down a pilot if something happened to me.” He murmurs.

You chuckle. “I think Echo and Wrecker could manage piloting.”

“Have you ever flown with Wrecker?” He asks and you know he’s being serious but you can’t help but laugh.

“Guess again…” Your fingers brush against his.

“Well…” He fixes his glasses with his other hand. “My next guess, I suppose, would be… you would be emotionally compromised or have some sort of fondness for me…”

You roll your eyes, amused. “That’s one way to put it.”

“I… also have a fondness for you.” He glances down at your lips. 

Your heart skips a beat at the goggled genius’ confession. A confession you were sure you’d never hear. Tech feels about you the way that you do for him. 

“Really?” You ask, feeling brave enough to slide your hand up his warm chest, settling over the skull and 99 tattoos.

“Really.” He takes your hand and holds it there… over his heart. 

Reaching up on your toes, you brush your lips over his lightly and timidly. Tech slides his arm around your lower back, pulling you close to him, deepening the kiss. Being confident, you realize. He sighs softly into the kiss, as if he’d been waiting for this just as long as you had. 

You both hear a throat clear and quickly pull away from each other to look in time to see Echo walk into his and Tech’s room. With a roll of his eyes, Tech shakes his head at the intrusion.

But when he looks back at you, it’s full of adoration and kindness. “Maybe I ought to risk my life more often, if it incites a reaction out of you like that.”

“Very funny.” You pull him back to you so you can kiss him again. 

“Do you two mind?” Hunter’s voice is in the hallway next. 

“Maker…” You groan. 

“I’ve got an idea.” Tech smirks, walking back to his room to put on a shirt and then coming back out. “The Marauder is currently unoccupied.” 

“You’re a genius.” You kiss his shoulder as he leads you down the back steps that lead to the outside.

“Of course I am, darling.” He smirks.

TAGS: @twistedstitcher27 @rebel-finn @grievouus @madameminor @dumfanting @rain-on-kamino @corona-one @tecker @ladykatakuri @brynhildrmimi @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @zoeykallus @maulslittlemeowmeow @littlemousedroid @arctrooper69 @rexxdjarin @agenteliix @padawancat97 @hated-by-me @sleepingsun501 @crosshairmylove587 @idlenesses @redheadgirl @dnxgma @themcuwriter @ashotofspotchka @sunshinesdaydream @crosshairsimp73 @ariadnes-red-thread @rosmariner @heyitsaloy @starstofillmydream @high-ct5555 @echos-girlfriend @sleepywych @nekotaetae @justanothersadperson93 @brownstalebread @aconstructofamind @book-of-baba-fett @chopper-base @palliateclaws @501st-rexster @dead-poolz @greaser-wolf @moonstrider9904 @tubble-wubble

[sl33paholics]

Her Tender Touch

Gina Paulklee x black!fem! reader

Warning(s): strap on usage, oral (eating out), teasing, bounding, drunk sex, praise kink

I am so fucking sorry for taking DAYS to post something but GOSH! School had me in a chokehold and I lost motivation for a while but I'm HERE 🗣‼️

The sound of light rain hitting the windows was washed out by the chatter and noise from the bar around her. The loud music was blasting from speakers, and a few of the guys at the tables had gotten into it by now. "The usual?" asked a bartender, who had come over to take their drink orders. It was Friday night. (Y/N)'s favorite day of the week.

"Yes, please," you said, giving him a smile that he returned before walking back behind the bar. You leaned against the counter watching the scene around you as people came in and went out, your attention going towards outside the window before the bartender reappeared and handed you a tall glass filled with yellow creamy liquid that he had just poured for the other customers. He smiled again, "Enjoy."

"Piña Colada, how typical." You'd turn your attention to a tall, short hair, blonde woman huffing a cigarette with a short glass of Mai Tai in front of her. "Gina..." She turned to look at you, taking another drag off her cigarette before glancing away again. "Gina, I wasn't expecting to see you here tonight, or, at all really.'' You took a sip of your own drink and tried not to grimace at its bitterness. You'd always hated pineapple on ice, even though you loved the taste.

It was too fruity and sugary for you. "What brings you here?" You'd asked the woman as she took a sip. Gina shrugged nonchalantly, but there was something about the way she held herself that made you think that maybe there was more than she let on. She glanced around before looking back at you with a soft smile that somehow made her eyes look even brighter than normal. Were you seeing things? "I haven't seen you in...forever, fifteen years?" Gina shook her head, letting out a bitter chuckle. "But then again, why should we stumble across each other when we're both stuck living our miserable lives, huh?" Gina downed her drink in one gulp. "Let's get out of here. I don't feel like being cooped up in this god forsaken place any longer. Drinks at my place." The woman would stand up heading towards the door, watching her walk outside. You quickly paid for both of your drinks before rushing out as you mindlessly trailed behind her.

The walk was quiet. It was so different from the last time you saw Gina, what felt like forever ago. But you still weren’t used to her presence. Not in the same way you had been accustomed to it all those years ago when she was just a friend. Back then, it had been comforting having her close to you. Back then, her company seemed almost necessary to have. Her presence alone could make your life much easier. Now she was just some stranger. One whom you didn’t know anything about. And yet…you couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew you better than you knew yourself.

The two of you made it to her place. The silence was killing you as you followed her to her spacey room. She grabbed a bottle of Cognac from her dresser and began pouring into two shot glasses. “You want some?” She looked up at you as she sat down on the edge of her bed, watching you nod slowly. Her eyes softened, making you wonder if you had imagined it when she smiled faintly at you, “How have you been?” You sighed quietly, slightly fidgetting in your spot. “Well... I'm meeting you after years of no contact, so I guess you can say I'm..kinda scared but excited.” Gina nodded at you in understanding. “And you've got to be pretty fucking terrified of me if you're here, don't you?” She laughed softly. You could sense an undercurrent of bitterness in her voice, but you didn't want to ask for clarification. Gina ploped next to you with the bottle in her hand, her gaze never leaving yours. “Now, no need to be a sad sack, (Y/N), we'll talk over this with drinks, yes?" You nodded numbly, and Gina passed you a shot glass.

You don't remember what had happened between the two of you after drinking those shots of Cognac. All you remembered is your clothes were on the floor and your wrists being tied up to the bed frame, your body raiding the heat you felt from the liquor. Your breathing was heavy as you felt Gina's hands gripping onto your thighs. Her sensual kisses up and down your inner thighs made you shudder. Gina's thumb rubbing your clit in a circle motioned for you to arch your back as she licked her lips. You moaned slightly, feeling your pussy dripping hot wetness on the bedsheets. Removing her thumb and replacing it with her mouth, she gently kissed your clit , making you groan as you felt her tongue flicking at your folds. You whimpered as she lapped at your clit having her tongue roll it around counter-clockwise in circles until you couldn't handle anymore. You were so close. You needed her. You wanted her. You needed to be fucked.

Your mind was in a haze. You weren't sure what was real and what wasn't. But one thing you knew for certain was that Gina Paulklee was going to be the death of you. “Gina, I’m gonna cum,” you gasped, your legs involuntarily tensing. Gina stopped her sucking and pulled away from you, “Not quite yet, love,” she grinned at you, leaning forward, “but soon~” she whispered seductively as she kissed your lips lightly. You watched her walk away to her closet to grab some things, a dazed smile on your face. Gina had never called you 'love', you hadn't expected that, but hearing her call you that made you feel warm inside. You wondered how long you'd have to wait before you could finally feel her again, staring at the ceiling as you watched the room spin slowly around you.

You felt her hands grip your cheeks to turn your face to meet hers, and her lips met yours. Gina kissed you hungrily, her lips were swollen, red, and everything about her made you want to break free from the rope even more. Gina bit your lip hard enough to bruise, and you whimpered in pleasure, feeling your arousal growing with every passing second. Gina pulled away from you, panting. You stared at her, unable to speak, your thoughts racing as you processed everything happening around you.

Gina then climbed on top of you, seeing the size of the strap that was rubbing against your pussy as she smirked, “Do you like this?” She whispered huskily, running her hands along your sides before cupping your ass and pulling your hips towards her, pressing it against herself. "You like the jock harness? You like this? Let me show you how nice and easy it will be once I'm inside of you…" Gina lifted your leg up, forcing it around her waist so she was seated right at the opening. The light-haired blonde woman slowly pushed the tip inside of you , pushing her hips back as you bucked into her.

"Fuck… Gina, please -" You moaned, the familiar warmth pooling in the center of your stomach. "Oh, baby girl, you're mine, aren't you?"

(Y/N) panted heavily, the sheets underneath them damp and tangled with her sweat. You watched as Gina helped you adjust, leaning over to kiss down your chest before resting her chin on your shoulder, "So beautiful... So sexy... keep making those noises, I love your voice." She began to lick and suck on your skin, causing your breath to hitch in anticipation.

Gina thrusted against you causing you to gasp loudly, "Fucking Christ!"

"So good," she purred against your skin. She pressed her breasts against you. You clenched your jaw. "Yes Gina…" You felt her nipples pressing into your chest. "Please."

Surprisingly, she was gentle with you. Considering you're not a virgin and had experience with women, you weren't exactly prepared for such gentleness. You thought she would be rough, but you enjoyed her touch, her lips against your skin, her finger teasing your clit. "Who's my beautiful woman? Mhm~ such a fantastic body..." The only problem was you couldn't seem to stop yourself from moaning as she continued to thrust.

Her movements were beginning to get sloppy, and you could hear the sounds of her breathing quickening. Gina shifted her position on top of you, causing you to moan louder when she pushed herself completely inside of you. "Take it all, baby. I know you can, just like that." A deep guttural sound left your throat as Gina began moving faster and harder against you, thrusting against you with increasing speed.

"Come for me...come for me baby.." You were getting closer to the brink of coming, and it wasn't long before your entire body felt electrified and your mind was blank. "You were incredible," Gina panted, moving her lips up and down your neck, trailing her teeth there. “God..you drive me crazy, you know that?” She growled. “I know.” You replied quietly, watching her undo the rope from your wrists.

Feeling too weak to move, you just laid there looking up at the ceiling and waiting for your heartbeat to come back to normal, which it did a moment later. As the fog in your head cleared, you realized how much time spent just dozing off. "Gina?" (Y/N) looked around the darkened bedroom, finding nothing but darkness. You could barely see her figure laying right next to you. "Go back to sleep." You felt her arms wrapping themselves around your torso, her cheek on your arm.

[ladyintree]

@warpainte  [...] everything was supposed to go back to ‘normal’ now.     she won the election against the odds,  the blackmailer was dead and no longer threatening to dig up their past,    mikayla was out of town and no longer taunting tai with their a history that no longer felt like history,    and tai assumed with all the stresses put to rest,   that she was finally done sleepwalking again,   and she could brush it all off as a fluke.    it was just the stress of the election,  the blackmail,   the blast from the past,   nothing more,   nothing real to worry herself with.   the rest was supposed to be simple   —    there was no reason for her family not to return to her now,   so that tai could finally repair that piece of her life as if it were that simple,   not taking into account that simone had her reasons for staying away — even before what exposed what tai herself was not aware of happening in their own basement.

simone’s warning forced tai to face what she had been avoiding  —   that this wasn’t just as simple as sleepwalking over temporary chaos,   it wasn’t as simple as accidentally letting their dog out,   it wasn’t as simple as a waiting it out until it was all over,  for her family to return to her as if nothing happened,   like taissa wasn’t struggling and hadn’t betrayed them.     something darker was going on here,   something taissa has told herself for 25 years now that she didn’t ever believe in —-  so why is it here,    and what does it mean?    sammy’s doll,    a picture-perfect image of her son,    along with their pet dog,   topped off with a symbol that used to make her angry,   horrify her,   and give her some strange sense of hope all at once.   in some way,   she does know what it all means:    it means that she was right to tell her family to leave,   and it means that simone was right to want to keep sammy away,   and worst of all,   it means simone is right about tai being sick.   she’s not ready to face that,   not ready to face her. 

is this what you wanted?    the words play on repeat in her head,   only from a dream,   but when she looked at simone in that hospital bed,   it’s all she can think about.   simone had done nothing but support her over the years,   but the idea of her trying to get tai help made her feel trapped,   completely out of control of her own life,   and tai refused to listen,   only making it so much worse in the process.   she was fine before simone exposed the altar in the basement,   she was convincing herself she was thriving,   that she was finally back on track —-  but now,   ever since seeing it for herself,   she’s only spiraled more,   to the point where she’s barely standing on her own anymore,   barely conscious,   and making no commitment to wait here with her wife.

she doesn’t remember how she got here.   that should terrify her,   because it means she’s only losing more control,    but for a moment,   she’s not thinking about that.   she’s never been here before,   but she knows exactly where she is —-   standing in front of mikayla’s home,   moments away from knocking and facing her again after she’d said goodbye just a few days ago,   assuming it was forever.   it’s finally starting to hit her what she’s really doing:    she’s almost ready to admit that she needs help,   but not from the person who’s been offering it,   trying so hard to give it to her even when tai doesn’t deserve the support from her.   no,   she came here because she’s always been drawn to her,   the person who has helped her before,   even when she didn’t know how,   because she wasn’t trying to give her help in ways that tai found so debilitating.   she helped her because she understood her —-  which is something tai has never given her wife the opportunity to do,   because the way she’s presented herself since rescue has always been so calculated,   so much so that even she could convince herself that was who she really was.   being around mikayla again only reminded her that it wasn’t,   that she was always going to be the person she was out in that wilderness with her —-   so now she's here,   despite no real welcome,   despite no preparation,   despite no reason for mikayla to actually give her the time of day,   but with as much as she’s lost even after assuming her life was finally settled,   this is the only place that feels right to be.    

the person on mikayla’s doorstep is not the same woman she almost kissed nights ago.   while her confidence was already faltering that night,  it’s nothing compared to this —-   bags under her bloodshot eyes,   shoulders slumped,  hair a mess,  clothes disheveled.   the state senator elect is certainly a sight to see like this,   but one that mikayla will likely be able to understand all too well:    it’s the same sleep deprived,  panicked,  barely coherent girl she used chase through the wilderness many years ago.   tai isn’t considering what it will be like for mikayla to see her like this,   she’s not considering the fact that reaching out to her like this is entirely unfair given her refusal to do the same for all those years mikayla was in prison,   and she’s definitely not considering the fact that it could be her wife who answers the door instead.    all she’s thinking about is that she needs mikayla desousa.    it’s selfish,  inconsiderate,  but maybe brave,  too —  because as she reaches her hand up to knock on the door,   she suddenly freezes.   instead of knocking,   her hand moves back to her hair,   attempting to tame the curls before smoothing her sweater in front of her.   she clears her throat,   trying to recall the last time she brushed or teeth or changed her clothes — everything before getting off that train is a blur to her now,   and she realizes she’s entirely unprepared for this,   but it’s far too late to turn back now.   

she takes a deep breath, but her usual attempt to collect herself before a confrontation fails. she realizes now that there's nothing that can properly prepare her for this conversation, she can only hope that mikayla will understand without forcing it out of her — or worse, slamming the door in her face. she shrugs it off, because she led herself here for a reason, leaving behind the people she should have been catering to instead; it can't be for nothing. finally, she knocks on the door, the tired eyes lifting into something that's almost a hopeful smile as she waits for her.

the door opens, and her legs suddenly feel wobbly, her hand quickly reaching for the door frame just to hold herself steady. but her features contradict the rest of her exhausted body language, and she starts to smile upon seeing her, as if that's going to distract her from everything else that's wrong with her ( everything mikayla knows so intimately, even years later. ) tai makes no effort to try to explain herself, no attempt to make this any less weird than it is. all she does is give her a small nod, her voice innocently muttering a simple, ❝  hi. ❞

[olderthannetfic]

Re: not wanting birth defects = ableism

Yes, there are assholes who don't want to have a kid with any issue, but there are a lot of people who are trying to avoid birth defects because they're simply against kids suffering. My partner and I both have a high chance of having a child with a very specific birth defect due to being carriers of the gene to cause it. We have decided to foster and adopt instead. That's not because we're ableist or hate people with disabilities. It's because if you do something you know can lower your child's quality of life, you've fucked up as a parent, and bringing a kid into the world who's likely to die by the time they're 10, as would be the case if my partner and I had a kid? That's fucking up as a parent. That's condemning a child to a decade of pain and dying before they can realize their dreams just because we, the parents, wanted to have someone related to us biologically so badly we decided risking that person's life was completely acceptable in the process.

I would never tell anyone else to have/not have kids or to have/not have biological kids. That decision is extremely personal and complex. However, the statement anon made that not wanting your child to have birth defects is ableist has a major flaw in it, which is that birth defect is a term that ranges wildly in its' implications. Yes, it is shitty to be, say, one of those Autism Speaks supporters who's terrified of having an autistic child and hopes that one day we can prevent autistic people from being born, to name an example I've met in real life. No, it is not shitty to not want your child to be in constant pain and likely not live to see double digits, to use another real life example.

When using umbrella terms like birth defect, there's going to be a lot of nuances in the answers because the umbrella covers so much. I'm sure anon was thinking of people who have actual ableism towards disabled children and was uncomfortable with that. A friend of mine was once told, "It's too bad you couldn't have known [daughter's name] would be deaf before you gave birth, or you could've just had an abortion and had a normal baby. Maybe your next one will be normal." It's why she doesn't speak to her mother-in-law anymore. Anon has probably met that kind of jackass and was horrified to see what they thought were other people thinking along those lines.

However, I've been lurking around this blog for over a year now, and happily I don't think any of us who interact with OTNF (or OTNF personally) have any thoughts like that about disabled people. We're fine with autistic and deaf people being born and a bunch of other disabilities, too. We're not fine with things that destroy quality of life to the point of cutting it short or in some cases causing the baby to die shortly after birth.

Good on anon for being anti-ableism. Wish I saw more of that in the world. I just think the scope of the umbrella term 'birth defect' was lost on them.

--

There are some things, like Tay–Sachs, that we just never want to see again, and if genetic counseling or IVF could weed those genes out of the population entirely without preventing carriers from having kids, that would be great. It's a broad range, as you say.

[deconstructthesoup]

So, this is inspired by @tai-janai's new Slay the Poet AU, where LQ has to rescue the Narrator and is being guided by Shifty. I saw their idea post, and my brain demanded that I put my own spin on it, so... yeah. Go check out their AU, though, it's probably gonna be better than mine and it actually has drawings.

I've already typed out the overarching plot (tldr, Shifty's the player and LQ is the "guide," and Narry is a professor who's trapped in a library in an abandoned city), but here's what I think the Narrator's chapter 2 vessels would be like:

The Wizard: You get the Wizard if you don't go into the library's basement with the knife, you make the decision to free the Professor, and you resist when the Guide makes the desperate choice to take over your body (while repeatedly apologizing over and over in your mind). The Wizard is unflinchingly kind and has that classic Disney-fairytale whimsy about him, and will always encourage you no matter what you do---and is the only one who undoubtedly means you no harm. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Apprentice, who believes that the Professor is a learned and wise soul who can teach us everything, and we must listen to him.

The Warlock: You get the Warlock if you don't go into the library's basement with the knife, make him think you're going to free him, and kill him---either via getting the knife or letting the Guide take you over and winning the ensuing struggle. The Warlock is a slightly draconic being who is devious and cunning, but very clearly bitter towards you, and there's no doubt that he's thirsting for revenge. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Charming, who uses flattery and deceit to get her way, and encourages you to do the same to the Professor---after all, we did it once, and we can do it again, can't we?

The Creation: You get the Creation if you immediately kill the Professor, attempt to leave and fail (which causes the Guide to panic, saying that this wasn't how it was supposed to happen and he doesn't know what's wrong), and kill yourself once you see no other way out. The Creation is a stitched-up, reanimated corpse who somehow managed to bring himself back, and he's a lonely soul who just wants you to set him free. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Restless, who's a listless and tired individual who's aching for things to change... and whether or not we choose to help the Professor or not is entirely up to us.

The Scientist: You get the Scientist if you go into the basement---either armed or unarmed---talk with him, and decide to just leave him there... except, if you do, he'll figure a way out, and he'll electrocute you with a single touch. The Scientist is every bit the sadistic mad genius, and while he knows full well that he needs you in order to get out, he sees no problem with torturing you if that's what it takes---and he's incredibly transparent about his desire to end you once he's finally free. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Doll, who claims that she's not scared and that everything is fine, but is very bad at lying and is clearly shaken by everything the Professor does.

The Academic: You get the Academic if you go down into the basement with the knife, talk with him, attempt to kill him... and when he fights back, you submit. The Academic is self-absorbed, condescending, and controlling, believing himself to be superior to you in every way---and he soon proves that he's not just some entitled asshole, as he's able to take control of you with his words alone. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Humbled, who is openly terrified of the Professor and sees no problem with just doing what he says.

The Archivist: You get the Archivist if you go down into the basement with the knife, decide to free him instead, and resist when the Guide takes you over. The Archivist, who is free from his chains but is unable to escape without your help, has nothing better to do other than to reorganize and catalog the books in the library, and has become incredibly cynical and emotionless as a result. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Curious, who constantly asks questions and wants to look further into random things---something that at first seems irritating, but you eventually realize just how helpful she can be...

The Doctor: You get the Doctor if you go down into the basement with the knife, talk with him, attempt to kill him, and fight him until neither of you can fight anymore. The Doctor openly hates you and sees you as his only obstacle, and will engage you in combat whether you want to or not---and once you fight back, you discover that no matter how brutally you fight, he knows just how to set his organs back to normal, and he knows just how to wreck yours. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Hateful, who wants nothing more than to crush the Professor to a pulp and make him suffer.

The Dragon: You get the Dragon if you go down into the basement without the knife, decide to free him, and don't resist when the Guide takes you over---though you do let the Professor win, in the end. The Dragon is the most beastlike and inhuman of the vessels, and all he wants is to devour you so that he may escape. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Warrior, and she knows exactly how to fight him so that you can make it out of there alive... but be sure to listen to her, because ignoring her warnings could end very badly.

The Inventor: You get the Inventor if you either kill him immediately and check to see if he's dead, or if you question for one second whether or not he's armed... either way, you soon discover that you've brought a knife to a gunfight. The Inventor is cheerful yet murderous, and has several contraptions up his sleeves that are designed to end you---in all sorts of fun and exciting ways. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Prepared, who's quick on her feet and can easily improvise ways to evade the Professor's onslaughts.

The Substitute: You get the Substitute if you avoid going to the library entirely, and instead choose to wander the city---resulting in the city reverting entirely to libraries. Because of this, the Substitute starts off as nothing more than a blank slate of a man, and gets more and more jumbled and confused the more you attempt to talk to him. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Rebel, who doesn't really have a goal other than to just goof off and have fun---making choices for choice's sake.

And, uh... that's what I got!

[nataliesscatorccio]

granted, we don't know what happens in the next nine months of wilderness, who continues to believe in earnest about the wilderness god, who plays along just to survive. but we do know at one point Van truly believed and now she meets the wilderness with the most reservation of all. I don't think it's because she realized when they got back that Lottie was clinically insane and they were all traumatized and it was bullshit. I think it's because she did believe. and life was still unbelievably cruel to her. she loses her soulmate she loses her mom to cancer and even if her relationship with her mother was always ugly it's no easier a thing to endure. she survives and she survives and she keeps surviving. but all around her the god takes and takes and takes, passing her over. "I figured it meant something. You know, like maybe it meant I had some kind of purpose in all this... but I'm just not fucking seeing it, Tai." I don't think Van is afraid they were wrong. I think she's afraid they were right. And that maybe, again, it's going to save her. if she dares to ask it to, if anyone dares to ask it for her. and she's going to have to face the fact she is important, people do love her, someone can be there for her someone can sacrifice for her. and THAT is terrifying to someone who has spent their whole life being the protector. what if the magic is real, what if it saves me again? what if I have to accept that I am alive and I have to do something real with that? isn't it easier just to say it was all a mistake, embrace the death that's always eluded you? the threat of living is terrifying. do you think when they got out, Van ever made it to NYC to catch that show? or did her life end when they made it back to society and she hasn't really lived a full day of it since? and now the wilderness is sending her Tai, and sending her to the commune, and she refuses to read the signs: this is for you. this is because of you. this is because you are important and were loved and because you believed. you are going to have to live. it is a punishment, and it is a blessing. and it was real all along.

[sukibenders]

I really enjoy Yellowjackets but the way it throws its poc characters to the side, the way the fandom does is so unsurprising but saddening at the same time. Shauna is one of my favorite characters, she's cool and stuff but, being honest, the trope of housewife having an affair because she's bored of her current life has been played before. So what if this one had certain elements outside of it, it's still common so it kind of grew tiring to see Yellowjackets constantly shove this plot at me when Tai's storyline is right there.

Taissa, a biracial woman who, even after living through something horrific as a kid, "bounced back" and lived the life she always wanted. She was a lawyer, now ran for and won a position in office, married a beautiful and smart woman and had a son, has a whole perfect family who she loves. Only for the trauma, the aspect of her life she promised herself and others to never talk about, is now coming back and in the process causes her to do things she doesn't want to do. The plot that could have come from Taissa alone is out of this world. You mean to tell me that a biracial lesbain running for office wouldn't be more entertaining than Shauna's storyline? Why couldn't Tai be the main focus?

And I don't even want to get into the fandom, but I have too. Listen, I like TaiVan for all that they are. They helped each other survive during a time where they thought it would be impossible. But what annoys me and, sadly, almost pushed me away from this ship, was how the writers and fans treat Simone and Sammy. Like the shows only way to have Tai together with Van was to put her wife in a coma and abandoned her son? That really does not sound like Tai, who fought to get her old life. And very insidious how some fans make certain jokes that just reek of "Let's push away the black characters to make room for the yte ones", because I've seen people call Simone the villain, to other things, just because she told Tai to get help all while framing Van as the better option. I've seen people in the fan call Sammy unnatural or even a demon just because he exists in a way that is not natural, by that I mean acting out and expressing coping mannerisms because he saw a version of his mother who terrified him but can't express, but I forgot because he's a little black boy who needs help people will ignore him or dehumanize him, because that's how this works right? The shows main, and only dark-skinned black characters were quickly pushed aside by the plot for what?

And I have a feeling the show may make us watch Taissa go through great lengths to keep Van alive (even though I do want Van to live), but won't extend the same want to Simone, which will read badly with the undertones in so many ways.

And the fandom treats Tai poorly as well (don't even get me started on some pretending to care about her family just to hang it over her head and call her a deadbeat) and reaching some nearly very ableist thinking when talking about her. Taissa deserved so much better, from the show and the fandom, and I hope they do better in season three but I'm not so sure to be honest, because most of the scenes even having mentions of Tai's blackness were because of Jasmine, not the showrunners, who it would be fine if it were small things here and there but to add so many crucial parts to your character because others won't begins to become a pattern.

[pridejacketss]

YELLOWJACKETS THEORIES

we know it can’t be lottie in s1, and it doesn’t make sense for it to be mari because mari couldn’t survive on her own out there — she’s pretty useless — and (unknown) was wearing a white nightgown and the heart necklace jackie gave to shauna. if it were mari i doubt shauna would wear it because that would be death after death associated with that necklace. so the only other viable option is that it’s callie.

how would this happen? the wilderness wasn’t satisfied with nat because she wasnt eaten. it wants more blood and it wants them to feed the hunger that’s been so deep inside them since they got rescued. they each (without telling each other) venture out to the woods, and shauna brings callie with her because she wants to see. when they all find each other at the cabin ruins they’re faced with that heavy heart they felt out in the wilderness all those years ago. shauna asks callie to stay in the car (they’re sleeping in the car — it’s a minivan so it works) and they gather around a fire near the other girls’ tents (yes tai and van are sharing). they talk about how they miss nat but then the conversation shifts and van tells them about her cancer. she tells them how she almost completely beat it after nat died— like lottie said, but about a month later; it came back worse than ever before. shauna owns up to jeff and hers relationship getting better and then them completely destroyed by the affair AGAIN. lottie talks about how her visions went away but came back worse and more often. misty shares with them that her life was great with walter but then he left her. with a shared look they all realize; the wilderness wants them to eat. and just as they realize— callie comes out of the car in her nightgown and snow boots, telling her mom that she needs help. she wanted another blanket but couldn’t find any, so lottie tells her that she has extra in her car. all of the girls look at each other.

AND ONE MORE CAR PULLS UP

It’s Akilah.

Akilah was the only other MAIN character that we saw more often than not on the screen. so let’s say she’s alive. all of the girls are shocked, because they heard she died in the hospital. after they become reacquainted the girls discuss this wilderness ordeal and what they have to do. lottie pulls out her cards eventually, and they all pick; alas, no one pulls the queen. but callie, unsuspecting and unknowing, picks up a queen card next to the blanket in lottie’s car. she shrugs and yells “i think you dropped a few cards in here”— and all of their eyes widen as callie holds up the card and walks towards them. they all look at each other again and then shauna yells, “RUN” and callie hesitates, but then she sees van and lottie racing for their knives. she starts sprinting and the animal noises begin. she’s terrified for her life and it’s clear. the girls are picking up on her movements because of the snow boots. callie realizes this and takes them off promptly as she hides behind a tree. she runs and runs and runs and runs and runs, until she cannot. the noises go quiet. she stops in this clearing to catch her breath. it looks like a path almost. then the animal noises return. she’s running again, and she runs, and then— she falls into the pit. so on and so on—

how would this make sense?

in ep1 when they’re showing older misty it cuts to a cutscene from the cannibalism party and it’s misty’s glasses FROM WHEN SHES OLDER— the glasses are different people.

and since there are 6 people in masks i added akilah because we didnt see her die yet.

callie would’ve gotten her necklace from shauna before they left; shauna saying “it will keep you safe” WHEN REALLY ITS A MARK FOR DEATH. (but shauna doesn’t realize)

— ie. jackie, shauna in the finale of s2, and callie.