#that made them reevaluate their entire existence

[la-pheacienne]

why are they like this

[dead-boys-club]

†  the hero : shigaraki.

❥ scenario: tomura dealing with emotions for the enemy. ❥ uuuuuuhhhh... tw for death. technically multiple but you only read about one. ❥ i don't have any beta readers - you get what you get. ❥ half requested.

❥ this post has five parts to it and it's a shit show. if you have issues with tomura actually feeling human things - please leave my inbox out of it.

❥ the timeline here is fucked. the ending has tomura with red eyes, bite me. it's a fucking shit show. enjoy.

❥ hate me, please. even if you can't hate me more than i hate myself. this is 8651 words.

✧*̥˚ the feelings *̥˚✧

it's no shock that tomura would be confused and very much in denial. not only would he not understand his own feelings or the fact he could feel such a way but falling for a hero? he's supposed to despise them; it goes against his entire belief system. he would have trouble navigating such feelings, mostly because he wouldn't. he wouldn't want to deal with them. he would go the route of bullshitting his way through it and brush them off as fascination or curiosity, telling himself it was entirely about their quirk - yes, that's all it is. he couldn't possibly feel genuine affection towards a hero.

he wouldn't handle it very well. he'd be frustrated beyond belief. pro heroes are obstacles, enemies - the bane of his existence, actually. not romantic interests. the ingrained hatred would be significant to his frustration. he would barely be able to comprehend his own level of agitation. it would just continue to grow and gnaw at his thoughts.

the one thing he wouldn't expect was the sudden self doubt that bubbled up. was he going insane? he would feel as if he couldn't trust his own judgement. was he becoming weak? to tomura, emotions just get in the way and make someone too vulnerable. it felt like parts of him were exposed and raw. he would struggle with the uncertainty and the internal conflict would have him collapsing in on himself.

internalizing everything and trying to rationalize would only make things worse. he would become obsessed with them. he would find some way to learn more about them - he wouldn't go as far as stalking them but he needed to know more. he would analyze every action, movement, word - it would prove to be a distraction more than once. this would lead to more interactions, making sure he was part of any scene they were. he wouldn't admit it but he had a strong desire to be near them.

of course, he'd wonder why. what made them so.. interesting? was it the pseudo untouchable hero shit? he couldn't say they weren't attractive but he also wasn't sure when he started noticing those things. the way they spoke, fought, even the way they walked - he couldn't take it.

despite everything, seeing them injured would just add on to the rage he already felt, bringing it to a level he didn't even know he could feel. he would feel some weird, uncharacteristic protectiveness towards them, one he wouldn't even fully understand. he was getting sick of not understanding his own feelings. the problem started when he began going out of his way to make sure they weren't getting harmed by other villains. he'd be lowkey about it but unbeknownst to him, the hero wouldn't be as oblivious as the villains.

jealous. tomura doesn't exactly have the best hold of grasping his emotions, so seeing you with other heroes, even interacting with your fans - it all made his skin crawl in such a disgusting manner. it would only fuel his anger and confusion. his view of the world would also feel disrupted. how was he supposed to feel?

tomura wasn't built to handle moral dilemma - he simply wasn't. the hatred he felt towards heroes was deeply imbedded in his past, his goals and his ideology. having feelings for someone on the other side of the court, that he was supposed to loathe, would force him to reevaluate his thoughts and beliefs - he would have to face a lot of painful memories. he briefly wondered if his brain and feelings were pulling some sick, twisted hero version of 'daddy issues'. was there a part of him seeking something? he ignored the idea that something was looking and pleading to be healed.

why was he even thinking about it? they would simply reject him, anyway. he feared that rejection - the rejection of allegiances and of him as a human being. did they even see him as such? or, was he simply another monster? it would weight heavily on him, feeling as thought he could never make a move. that thought would lead him to his next problem: acceptance.

he would eventually accept his feelings and affections, somewhat begrudgingly. it would be slow and he wouldn't like it one bit. succumbing to his need to be accepted by them. it would have a sudden moment of clarity and being honest, he might vomit at the wave of overwhelming emotions. but, he would finally acknowledge as what they are.

slowly and subtly, he'd begin changing the way he acted towards them. to everyone's surprise and distaste, he would be less hostile, not wanting them involved in conflict. the notable change, however, wouldn't be good. as the other villains noticed, it would cause a rift and considerable tension among them. this would add only more to his plate.

drabble.

sitting in the dimly lit hideout, tomura was doing everything he could top stop the racing thoughts in his mind. the images of the pro were making a mess of his thoughts and he couldn't get any of it to go away. he hated how his heart race quickened and his hands shook just because of them. he was going mad.

'damn it,' he hissed to himself, agitated beyond comprehension. 'why them?'

their last encounter haunted him, playing on loop and reminding him of the way he was looked at. they looked at him as if they saw more than just a villain. their gaze held understanding, concern.. compassion. it made something in him flutter, something that shouldn't exist. something he so desperately wanted to ignore.

his thoughts were disrupted when toga bounded into the room. 'hey!' she chimed, eyes twinkling with mischief. everyone else may have had a problem but he didn't want to admit that she understood. 'thinking about your little hero again?'

his gaze shifted to glare at her, jaw clenching briefly. 'shut up. it's none of your business.'

despite knowing his temper wasn't one to mess with, she decided to comment anyway. 'don't be so upset! i love a hero, too!' she giggled, making her way out of the room. he did his best to ignore her but he couldn't. he was so in love and it terrified him to no end.

✧*̥˚ the hero is immune *̥˚✧

his instant reaction would be pure shock. he's never known someone to be immune to his quirk and that was his biggest weapon; what use was he against you? he would be powerless. having an immunity to his quirk sounded impossible. he would be almost like a child, having to test it multiple times, being unable to believe his eyes. you shouldn't still be standing in from of him. he was back to that disgusting, exposed feeling. he was... useless.

if he wasn't curious about your quirk previously, he was fully invested in figuring it out. he needed to understand how it worked. he would be relieved for a little while, thinking about how he actually had a sliver of a chance.. someone he could touch without worry but it would be quickly overshadowed by fear. what did this mean for him? he had no control, no power - no walls put up.

he would be even more confused at this point. tomura has a sense of superiority that seemed to suddenly be dissipated. he would get angry with the way he questioned his own power. his growing feelings for you would cause his thoughts to clash even more violently. his desire to destroy heroes would be shaken by his inability to harm one, not to mention not wanting to. the idea of hurting you made him sick to his stomach. however, that growing desire to learn more would just lead him to want to be even closer. he was spilling himself apart between fear and uncertainty against love and need.

something that would make this conflict worse would be not knowing if anything was real. the way you looked at him and seemed to not want to hurt him in return.. was it a ploy to get closer? was your immunity a threat and you were just.. a plan. a fake. he would struggle severely with paranoia. would you use this against him? his growing love for you was already a weakness but now, you could easily become his downfall.

but.. he could touch you. he could hold you. and, he kind of hated that.

drabble

shigaraki was pacing around in the abandoned building, lit only by streaks of moonlight, trying to get his thoughts straight as he battled fascination and frustration. you just watched, arms folded and hip cocked. you couldn't count the amount of times he'd taken your hand or touched your arm, expecting you to crumble but there you stood, unscathed. he couldn't read your expression.

'how?' he finally asked, stopping in his tracks. his voice was low, something anyone else would consider dangerous but you were confident nothing could really happen. 'how are you immune?' "why did you come? why do you keep meeting me?' he didn't voice the questions in his head.

'my quirk makes me resistant to certain types of physical damage. usually it's against things like fire damage, ice.. surface poisons. i'm guessing your decay falls under that category.' you brushed it off as casually as you could because in reality, you hadn't known the extent of your own quirk.

he took a deep breath, a whirlwind of emotions racing through him. 'why didn't you tell me? this isn't the first time we've met.' he hoped it wouldn't be the last.

you frowned a little to yourself before your gaze softened and your arms fell, shrugging. 'i knew you would see me as a threat,' you answered, 'i liked the idea of you getting to know me as a person. not a threat, not a hero.'

you had to be taunting him, right?

'you.. you're.. different.' it was mostly said to himself but not quiet enough to not be heard. he wanted to stop closer to you, to reach for you, but he stopped himself, hands trembling at his sides.

you, on the other hand, took a step towards him. 'tomura.. there's a lot more to you than just decay. the day i took your hand and we both learned i was immune? you realize i did that not knowing what would happen? you don't have to be defined by.. all of this alone.'

his breath caught in his throat and he looked away. the way you said his name with such gentleness, it made his heart ache. his eyes closed to attempt calming himself and he found himself imagining a world where you were right. a world where he wasn't a villain, where he could be with you without all of the complications. that wasn't possible.

but, those thoughts had to come to an end and reality was a harsh thing. 'this changes nothing,' he muttered, voice a bit shaky and lacking it's usual conviction. fuck.

you just nodded. 'it's a start.'

unable to shake the feeling he had, he knew it was best to say nothing more and turned to leave. he couldn't allow himself to show such a vulnerable side to you.. not when he still didn't know your motives. your immunity to decay could be something much more than a quirk, it was painting itself out to be a symbol of hope that maybe there was more to life, to his life, than fear and destruction.

✧*̥˚ the confession *̥˚✧

the atmosphere felt heavy and thick with the tension of unspoken feelings. you stood across from tomura once more, tucked away from the world in your usual meeting spot, one that shouldn't exist to begin with. you wanted to say it was worth it, unable to deny the growing bond between you, but was it? it was nice to have a place away from the prying, judgmental eyes of society, of heroes and villains. but, what would the cost be if you were found?

'we.. can't keep meeting like this, tomura. it's dangerous.' you began, knowing that both of you would face horrible consequences.

he shifted his weight, uncomfortable and awkward, eyes narrowing as he tried to hide as much as he could. 'you think i don't know that?' he hissed out, hands clenching, 'but i.. i can't just stay away. i..'

you furrowed your brow, trying to figure something out. you searched his features for some type of answer, even a sign of the person beneath the villain standing before you but it was useless. 'why do you keep coming back to me? what is it you want?'

a long pause followed your question, your desperate attempt for something, anything to ease the curiosity. his fingers twitched, palms burning with how his desire to destroy everything around him was clashing with his own desperate need to hold something - someone - and feel human for even a moment.

'i don't understand it. you make me.. question everything and i hate it. i don't know what any of this is or how to handle it. you've made me feel things that i've kept buried for so long.'

listening to him, you took a few steps towards him, leaving only about two feet of space. 'then tell me what they are and i can figure them out with you. i've said it before, tomura, you're so much more than you're giving yourself credit for. you're not just.. a vil--'

you were cut off. 'i don't need your pity, so stop. i'm not a lost cause that you can save. i'm not just another badge for your hero bullshit.' he spoke the words through gritted teeth, angry and confused about.. everything.

'if it was pity and i thought you were just a lost cause, we wouldn't be standing here. you'd be in custody,' you pointed out firmly, straightening your shoulders, 'it's not pity. pity doesn't make me meet up with a villain who is trying to kill everyone around me. this is.. this is something else.'

he didn't know how to respond for a moment, your words echoing in his head. his heart began to pound, his confidence shattering and his mask nonexistent under the weight of his feelings. 'i don't know how to say this.. i've spent so long hating, destroying.. being angry. i didn't know i was capable of feeling something like this.'

you knew things were bleeding into a territory they shouldn't and you should have stopped the moment you fully began to understand what he meant. but, heroes have their faults, too. instead, you moved closer and gently collected one of his hands. 'it's okay. just say it, whatever it is, say it. i'm here.'

his nerves were eased by your touch, gripping onto it carefully as it grounded him to reality, one that was becoming far too overwhelming. he couldn't remember the last time he felt the warmth of someone beneath his fingertips for so long and it broke him even further.

taking a deep breath, he let it out and met your gaze. 'i.. i think.. no. no, i know. i've fallen for you,' his voice grew quieter with each word, no longer trusting or confident in his own voice, 'it scares me.. but, it's the truth.'

you knew what was coming but your eyes still widened upon hearing it. you moved on your own, even closer, your free hand coming up to settle over his cheek. 'tomura,' you whispered and God, his knees threatened to give out every single time you said his name. 'i've fallen for you, too.' you knew the deep shit you'd be in if anyone found out but in the moment, in that place, labels didn't exist.

his eyes fell shut as he leaned into your touch, breath shaky. for the first time in such a long time, he felt a sliver of hope. he felt, even if for the briefest of seconds, some type of peace. 'but.. what does this mean for us..? what can we even do.. how can we make it work?' he couldn't believe he was asking such things.

you just smiled, attempting to reassure him as you thumb moved over his cheek. 'we'll figure it okay, okay? one step at a time.'

standing there in silence, you held onto each other tightly, both lost in thought of how you were going to navigate the world from both sides without losing yourselves. for the first time, tomura felt like had had something, someone, worth the fighting. this time, not out of hate.

✧*̥˚ the first date *̥˚✧

a couple of weeks after the confession was the day neither of you expected to come. the sun was beginning to set over the abandoned park, painting it gold and making it seem so surreal; it was the perfect spot to meet up away from the city. it offered peace.

tomura showed up first, hands in his pockets and trying not to press his nails against thighs shielded only by thin material. never in a million years did he think he would be waiting to meet up with a pro for anything other than conflict. the confession had been intense and overwhelming and agreeing to go on a date, well.. it was uncharted, somewhat scary territory.

as you approached, you managed to catch his gaze as it lifted. he couldn't help but think of how different you looked in casual attire, bringing the tiniest of smiles to his lips.

'you're here,' he mumbled, the mix of relief and nervousness making him want to curse under his breath. he still wasn't wanting to be so open with how his head was working.

'where else would i be?' you mused, offering a warm smile in return. 'come on, let's go.'

as you began to walk, he fell into step beside you, flinching when your arm looked with his own. it was quiet for the most part, the occasional crunch of leaves and rustle of wind breaking into the silence. it was comfortable, just roaming along. it felt normal.

'so,' you began, looking over to him, 'what do you like to do, hm?'

being interesting was something he wasn't and the question made him shrug a little. 'i.. don't really know. it's been a while since i've thought about those things or had the time to.. do anything outside of, you know, the villain stuff.'

'"the villain stuff"', you snickered, finding the answer amusing though not trying to mock him. 'i understand that.. i haven't had many hobbies myself since, well, the hero stuff, i guess.'

the walk lead to a small bench, surrounded by overgrown grass and little flowers, offering an odd sense of welcoming. you sat down first, followed by him, though he was hesitant. it all felt so domestic to him, like his normal life was so distant. he wasn't sure how to relax and accept how at ease he felt.

'what about.. any favorite places?' you asked, this time a little more quiet, attempting to draw him out of his thoughts.

he thought a second 'oh.. there was a place i used to go, some years back. an arcade.. i liked the games, all the lights.. the ugly carpet. i felt like i could be normal there.'

feeling the urge to frown at the last part, you shook it off and gently nudged him. 'arcade? maybe we can go find one someday.. play some games, be normal people.' you understood the struggle with being normal, even if it had two different reasonings.

he couldn't fight the smile that appeared, looking down to hide it from you. 'yeah.. maybe.' he felt like he was trying to fool himself, like he was playing a silly game. he thought back to how little kids would play house and it quickly turned his smile into a frown, realizing he was just playing the grown up version.

noticing the change, you leaned to rest your head on his shoulder. 'we'll get there.. i promise.'

you both sat there for a while, letting the sun go down and leaving you to look up at the night sky, content to pretend nothing else mattered. you talked about little things, even going as far as to share stories from your childhood that garnered your most favorite sound; tomura laughing. it was foreign but you found yourself just falling deeper.

sighing, you both leaned back, relaxing against each other. 'it's beautiful, isn't it?' you mumbled, referring to the sky.

tomura's gaze never left your face, not bothering to look up or even figure out what you meant. 'yeah,' he answered softly. a warmth spread through him that he'd never felt before, finally understanding that the connection.. you, in general, was something he'd been missing. it was so much more than breaking rules, lying, defying labels' he was finding a piece of himself that he'd thought dead and gone.

when you turned to find his gaze on you, your own softened and you leaned just enough to bump the tips of your noses together. he still wasn't used to the affection. 'thank you for tonight. i know.. this isn't easy.. and, i don't know where it's going to go but i'm glad we're here. trying.'

with a deep breath, he shifted around to sit sideways and face you, hesitantly taking your hand along the way. 'me too.'

you laced your fingers with his own, head tipped back against the bench to look at him in the new position, gaze full of nothing but warmth. that's how you both stayed for a while, well into the early morning, just talking. both of you felt a glimmer of hope, the promise of some type of breakthrough. something real. that could possibly make sense one day.

✧*̥˚ breaking point *̥˚✧

as the numbers on your clock switched to shine back at you just how late it was, you took a deep breath and decided it was finally time to try and sleep. it was normal for you to be awake past midnight but you just felt so drained. as you rose to head for bed, you were stopped by the faint sound of a knock at the front door. the sound put you on edge and you moved to check through the security screen, eyes widening at what you saw.

tomura was at your door, hood pulled low to mostly shield his features. something about it made your stomach twist, feeling like something was wrong and you were quick to open the door, pulling him inside. the last thing you needed was for him to get caught.

'tomura, what are you doing here?' you asked, concern evident in your voice. out of pure instinct, you began checking to see if he was hurt, heart racing.

he caught your wrists carefully to stop you, shaking his head. you took notice of how he was trembling, how his eyes flickered around the unfamiliar setting of your apartment as if someone was going to jump out and end your little game.

'i didn't know where to go,' he finally answered, voice raw and broken. 'everything.. everything is.. it's too much. i don't even know what to believe anymore.'

you were confused and worried. the man before you most definitely wasn't the one who was trying to kill you almost two years ago but he also wasn't the one who had spent several nights on a park bench laughing with you. you gently got your wrists free and guided him to the couch. 'talk to me, what happened?'

as he sat down, he held his hands in front of him, arms resting on his knees. he stared at them as if they were foreign to him, gaze filled with desperation and fear. 'do you know how long i've spent being told what to do.. who to hate, what's good, what's bad.. and now there's you. everything is different and it's.. it's terrifying.'

you weren't going to begin to say you understood because you didn't. your struggles were on a completely different playing field. that didn't stop you from reaching out to take his hands. 'you're not alone and you're not going to ever face any of this alone. it's okay to be scared.. you're human. i don't care what anyone else has ever told you - you are human. all of this.. it's new for both of us and while i can't say i can see from your view, i will be here and we will figure it out together.'

he flinched, watching the way your hands went around his, almost like he was waiting for what would always come. he still wasn't used to it and he was so scared the one day, all it would take was the brush of his hand to lose you. 'i don't know how to do this,' he whispered with a weak, broken chuckle. 'i don't know how to be anything other than what i am. what i've been. i've barely ever been seen as human.'

it broke your heart to listen to him, wishing you could go back and change something - anything - so that he didn't have to experience what put him in such a mindset. 'i wish i could give you all the answers.. but i can't. just.. breathe, okay? i'm right here.' you shifted closer to pull him into your arms, hugging him as close as you could.

tomura didn't hesitate to hide against you, face pressed into your shoulder as he began to shake with silent sobs. he clung to you, fingers curled into your shirt, relishing in the miracle of being able to touch someone and doing his best not to think of the fact it was also a curse. maybe.. just maybe, had you not been immune, you'd both be better off.

'i've been so angry for so long,' he finally spoke again, muffled against your shoulder. 'angry at everything.. heroes, the world, myself, all of it. but you, i can't even explain.. you make me feel so much more and i don't know what to do with it. are we supposed to just.. hide for the rest of our lives..? be.. ashamed..?'

'ashamed..' you repeated, tightening your hold on him, 'i'm not ashamed.' or, were you? you told yourself you could never be ashamed to be with him but he was right, you were both hiding. you'd both be traitors, untrusted.. unwanted. 'i.. i don't know. it's not easy and.. i just don't know.'

he didn't respond and you didn't expect him to, your answer giving him next to no relief and only giving yourself more to think about. but, you stayed put for a while, holding him as he cried, letting out years of pent up emotions, the weight of fear and doubt becoming too much. slowly, his sobs began to slow and his breathing evened out. he wasn't anywhere near done but his body really had nothing left.

'thank you,' he muttered, voice hoarse as he turned his head, coughing a little. 'i.. i really don't know what i'd do without you.. how i made it this far, even.'

'you never have to worry about that,' you promised, gently brushing his hair aside. you hoped your own worry wasn't noticeable.

leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead, you pulled back slowly to get to your feet, holding out your hand. 'stay, let's go to bed. you need the rest.. away from everything.'

✧*̥˚ golden gaze *̥˚✧

off for the afternoon, you sat on your couch, head in your hands as you reflected on the events of three nights ago. seeing tomura so broken and not being able to give any answers - it put you in a place of wondering just what was going to happen. was your quirk such an unfortunate thing to put you in such a place? you didn't ask to fall in love but you knew walking away wasn't an option. you were startled out of your thoughts by a knock and honestly, you were getting nervous about visitors and upon getting up to check, you had every right to be. behind your door was hawks, his usual relaxed expression replaced with something serious. something.. dangerous.

'hey,' he greeted when you finally opened the door, his tone telling you this wasn't just a friendly visit. 'we need to talk.'

fuck.

you nodded and let him in, door closed and locked behind him. hawks made his way into the living room, golden eyes scanning out of habit and to search for something - for someone. once you were both seated, he eyed you for a moment.

'They've got me watching you. It's been two weeks now,' he said bluntly, clenching and unclenching his jaw. 'They know something's up. Suspicious as always.'

your heart sank and you knew the way you flexed your fingers and looked away said all that he needed. 'i see,' you whispered. you knew it could happen, even being so careful, and the confirmation felt like a punch to the gut. no matter how hard you tried, lying to him wasn't possible.

hawks sighed and leaned back, pushing a hand through his hair. 'Look.. we're friends, have been for a while. So, I'm gonna be straight with you and ask. Who is it? What have you been sneaking around for and do I need to put an end to it?'

you knew that fighting your best friend wasn't something impossible and as much as you'd both be against it.. you shook your head. the weight of your friendship made you tell the truth, knowing your secrets were at least in good hands. 'Tomura Shigaraki,' you confessed, looking down as your fingers gripped at your sweatpants, 'we.. we've been seeing each other. i know, i know how it sounds and it's complicated but it's real, Kei. you know i wouldn't risk so much if it wasn't.'

hawks' eyes widened before he let out a low whistle, head shaking as he let your words sink it. 'Shigaraki.. that's.. damn, that's big.' he was still processing the information, genuinely at a head with how he was supposed to react. when he was called in, he expected it to be something small. 'Can't say I'm a fan, for obvious reasons. He's dangerous, and everything he stands for goes against what all of us are fighting for.'

you didn't need to be reminded and it brought tears to your eyes, unable to stop them. 'i know, kei. but.. please, try to understand, he's different when it's just us. he's trying.. i- i feel like he could change. i believe in him.' it sounded pathetic, betting your career on love and hope.

hawks was silent for a second, analyzing you before he scooted closer, a hand settling on your shoulder. 'i won't tell anyone. the commission won't hear it from me. as far as i'm concerned, you've just been sneaking out to catch a break.'

your head snapped up, looking at him through the blur of your tears. 'thank you.. but why? you.. why would you take such a big risk..?'

he didn't want to make things morbid but it was something you'd already heard from him. he gave a sad smile, squeezing your shoulder. 'I can't take something away from someone that i've always wanted. a real connection, real love.. someone to come home to. it's rare. and if you really think he could change, maybe there's hope for you guys. i can't.. get in the way of that. you wouldn't be here, like this, if it wasn't real.'

his words only made more tears fall, the stress and anxiety of the last several days finally hitting their breaking point. 'i.. i don't know what to do, kei. h-he's scared and doesn't know what to do.. fate is s-so fucking cruel to do this to us,' you sobbed, lifting your hands slightly in a gesture, 'to put us against each o-other.. the opposite sides of a full blown w-war.. and make us love each other? why..'

shifting around, hawks pulled you into a hug, wings folding around you in a protective manner. 'it is fucked up.. but, i'm sure you're going to figure it out. you're not alone in this.'

you clung to him, sobbing against his shoulder and letting out the tears you couldn't, wanting to be strong for tomura. hawks just let you be, whispering what he could of reassurances and offering comfort that it seemed you desperately needed. as you began to gradually calm down, finding it difficult to breathe, you pulled back slightly, beyond thankful to have the blond as such a close friend.

'thank you, kei,' you whispered, wiping and rubbing at your eyes.

he shrugged, wiping away a tear from your cheek with a small smile. 'hey, what are friends for? i'll do what i can to help.. just, be careful, alright? one step at a time.'

you sat together for a while, telling him more and getting his comments. you were thankful for the support, feeling a little less suffocated by everything. the future was uncertain but you would find a way.

✧*̥˚ confrontation *̥˚✧

tomura sat at the worn out table of the hide out, one arm crossed with his forehead resting on it, lost in thought. he seemed to be going over the same thoughts as you. what he hadn't expected was the door to swing open with a harsh bang against the wall and dabi to enter, eyes bright with anger.

'it is true?' he ask, voice dripping with contempt. 'you've got to be kidding me. you're involved with a pro hero?'

he was too tired to fight. 'what if i am?' he asked, head lifting to look at him, expression unreadable. 'it's none of your business.'

his brow furrowed when the latter slammed his hand on the table, the rattle making him groan. as dabi leaned closer, eyes flickering, he knew the conversation wasn't going to end well. 'what the hell are you thinking? they're the enemy - our enemy! you're the leader of the league of villains, for fucks sake!'

he'd never exactly seen the other show that much of a reaction to something and honestly, a tiny part of him was amused. 'you're talking like you do anything but chase after your pro hero father for acknoweldgement. you're going to lecture me?'

before dabi could respond, toga had slipped into the room, a look of concern on her features. 'i think you should calm down,' she said, stepping between them. 'do you really think it's that simple? come on.'

turquoise eyes rolled and a laugh sounded, echoing in the most empty room. 'not that simple? he's fraternizing with the enemy, toga. this could destroy everything we've ever worked for.'

toga shook her head, glancing back to tomura before speaking, her tone soft but firm. 'no, it won't. shigaraki knows what he's doing. besides.. maybe this could be a good thing?'

getting up from his seat, tomura stood up, meeting dabi's gaze. 'i'm not betraying the league. i know what's at stake but.. i won't give up on them. it's making me question things, sure, but maybe toga's right.'

looking between the two of them, the oldest scoffed. 'why are either of you even here? you both sound like lovesick morons. what's next? are you going to go and beg to join them next?'

toga frowned at the words, knowing her own interaction with heroes was just as complicated. 'he's right.. we've all questioned things but we're all still here. maybe.. it'll be a push to a better path.'

his anger wavered as he looked between them once more, feeling uncertain but he was aware no one was changing their minds. 'and what happens when your precious hero betrays us? what happens when they betray you, shigaraki?'

it wasn't a thought that tomura wanted bouncing around his head, not again. his gaze hardened and his fists clenched but he had nothing to say. he trusted you but no one was going to listen. toga just looked up to him, feeling sympathy for his dilemma. he was thankful at least one person was on his side.

dabi sighed, frustrated, and just threw his hands up. 'whatever. when this backfires, don't expect me to clean up the mess.' and with that, he was already stomping off out of the room, head shaking.

'don't worry, we'll handle it together,' toga said, regaining some of her usual playfulness as she turned to face tomura. 'we always do. i'm here for you, too.'

tomura felt a slight sense of relief that it hadn't escalated any further, humming at the girl's attempt to comfort him. '..thanks, toga.. i appreciate it.'

she winked, showing off a toothy grin. 'anytime! now, let's figure out our next move, yeah?'

✧*̥˚ the delusion of a happy ending *̥˚✧

the night was quiet, eerily so as you patrolled the outskirts of town. but something felt off and you couldn't put a finger on it. the darkness felt heavy, almost suffocating as your stomach began to twist with an overwhelming sense of dread. you couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong but what? everything seemed normal. nothing seemed out of place. not a soul was even in the streets.

and suddenly, the air began to thicken, crackling with what could only be a sinister energy. you shouldn't have turned around. you should have flagged the others and done your best to run but you didn't. you turned on your heel to face the one person you knew you couldn't defend yourself against. All For One stood before you, his presence felt like it was crushing you and he radiated malice.

'good evening, hero,' he began, voice mocking. 'i've been waiting to meet you.'

you hesitated before taking a defensive stance, deciding if you were going out, you'd at least try. 'what do you want?'

his response was to chuckle and it made your heart pound, skin crawling at the sound. 'you see, there's been something of a.. complication recently. shigaraki seems to have taken a liking to you and.. well, that simply won't do.'

your eyes widened, realization dawning on you. 'you.. how do you..?'

'i know everything,' he answered, tone laced with disdain, 'i cannot allow this distraction to continue. he must remained focused on our goals.'

before you could react, his hand raised and a malevolent energy began swirling about his fingers. moving didn't seem to be an option, feeling as if the air itself was keeping you glued to your spot. this was it - you were going to die and didn't even have a fighting chance. you almost laughed at how pathetic it was.

'this is for the greater good, you see?' he began coldly, 'your quirk has become quite the nuisance and i think it's time to get rid of such a pesky thing. you don't need it, right?'

reality was a cruel thing. he wasn't going to kill you. he was going to make you miserable. before you could speak, a sudden searing pain spread through your frame. it felt as if every fiber of your being was being torn apart, atom by atom and you screamed, the sound echoing through the streets.. or maybe not? no one seemed to hear it. your visioned was blurry by the time you were dropped to your knees, feeling empty and weak.

All For One stepped closer, his expression one of mild curiosity. 'it's fascinating how easily power can be taken away, isn't it,' he mused.'

as the pain subdued, you felt hollow.. a disgusting, heavy emptiness flooding you. you'd never fully understood your quirk but it had given you something so meaningful and it was gone. looking up to the man, your eyes filled with angry tears. 'you won't win,' you hissed out, nearly choking on the words, 'h-he'll see through your bullshit.'

'perhaps.'

with that, he was gone, disappearing into the shadows in which he came, leaving you broken on the ground. you tried to stand but your legs gave out, leaving you on the concrete to let reality fully sink in on what had happened. you were quirkless. and there was nothing you could do about it.

desperation build as you thought of tomura and you knew you needed to find him, to tell him. it took several minutes to summon any strength you had left to get to your feet, mind racing as you thought of where you could go. your secret meeting spot.. surely if he didn't hear from you, like he was supposed to, he'd look for you, right?

you stumbled through the streets, body aching and heart heavy. the cruel words of that evil man echoed through your thoughts, making you even more determined to keep going. his sick idea to not kill you but to use you against tomura made your insides burn with hatred. she felt vulnerable without her quirk but there was nothing she could do. she needed to find him.

it felt like hours before you reached the familiar spot, the bench from your first day, and collapsed onto it. your breathing was ragged and you were exhausted, pain still throbbing through your limbs. 'tomura, please..' you whispered to yourself.

it took an hour for him to appear, frantically looking for you after you didn't show up. his eyes grew wide with concern upon seeing the state you were in. 'what happened to you?' he asked, rushing to your side and instinctively reaching for you, his worry overriding his usual caution and hesitancy.

you were too slow. too slow to move, too slow to speak. before you had the chance to explain, his fingertips brushed against your arm. 'tomura, wait-!' you tried to get out, words having been caught in your throat as confusion, pain and fear filled you, overwhelming your senses. the sensation of decay was something your mind didn't even have time to describe to yourself. your eyes widened in pure horror and before he could even register what was happening, you were gone.

tomura's own eyes widened, watching his biggest fear unfolding right in front of him and it brought up too many flashbacks. 'no.. no, this.. this can't be happening,' he couldn't speak above a whisper, watching as you disintegrated and slipped through his fingers like sand. before he could fully comprehend what was happening, he fell to his knees, hands clutching the remnants of the person he'd grown to care for and love so deeply. the weight of his actions crashed down on him like a tidal wave and he could only think of one way you'd suddenly have no immunity to him.

'no!' he cried out, voice echoing through the empty alleyway, 'no, no, no..'

as he knelt there, surrounded by the dust that once had been you, someone he was willing to change so much for, he was back to the racing thoughts of conflicting emotions. the person who had made him question everything, had healed so much, that gave him hope for something better, was gone. and it was his fault. it was always his fault. he heard your voice in his head, telling him he wasn't a monster and it brought tears to his eyes.

'i am a monster,' he managed to get out, voice breaking, 'but him.. i..i trusted him.. and now.. he promised to help , to give me power.. a-all he's done it take e-everything away.. what little i had.' he didn't know how to come to terms with the new revelation, feeling like he was tearing apart at the seems. 'everything i believed in.. everything he taught me.. it was all a lie..'

'why.. why did this have to happen?' he asked himself, shaking with grief and rage. it was his fault. had he never approached you, it wouldn't have happened. the self blame hit but he was still far too angry to fully take the blame.

the reality of All For One's manipulation hit him with a harsh case of clarity. the mentor he had trusted, the one who took him in and cared for him, shaped his future.. the same man who orchestrated such a cruel fate. he felt such a burning hatred in his gut that he couldn't move. on top of his anger pressed the soul shattering guilt for what had happened, all because he was stupid enough to believe he deserved better.

as he sat their in the darkness for hours, hands stained, and weeping over the hero he loved, he no longer had any sense of purpose. who could he trust? who was right anymore..? as he let his thoughts wander, he thought back to the moment you spoke of change.. of understanding. he would carry the memory of you with him and make sure your loss wouldn't be in vain. it would be the catalyst for a new path.

as he got to his feet, elbow against the brick wall for support, he looked up to the night sky and took a deep, shaky breath. the path he was about to take was uncertain and the fight he would find himself in wasn't going to be easy - he even hoped it ended with being reconnected with you. but he would fight for a future that could honor your memory and he would find his own way, free from anyone else's control.

✧*̥˚ a tiny little bonus *̥˚✧

the sun was shining brightly over the campus, casting a warm glow over the students wandering across the grass, most likely trying to get to classes. among them, you walked between your two friends - toya and himiko. the group was chatting, laughing away as they discussed what they would get up to once all of their classes were over.

you were just starting your second year of college along with himiko, following behind toya who was in his third. the small blond girl added an bright, infectious energy to the conversation as she talked with her hands, excitedly talking about a project she was working on. toya on the other hand, while being interested, complained about his own project that he wasn't even sure would be finished in time. the day felt like quite an adventure to you, just nodded along and commenting when there was an opening.

as they walked, your attention was caught by a passing group of students - one in particular. a young man with disheveled black hair and soft red eyes, licking over his lips when one of his friends made a comment about them being dry. you bit back a chuckle when hearing a rebuttal about seasonal allergies. she couldn't ignore the way something tugged at her mind.

tenko was a transfer student who'd spent the past week unpacking and getting his schedule squared away, had somehow already made a small group of friends despite his seemingly introverted manner. as he walked, nudging one of the guys teasing him, he couldn't help but feel a strange sensation, feeling eyes on him and he stopped, turning around to catch your's gaze.

for a moment, time seemed to stand still. the world faded out and all they saw was each other, a familiar tug pulling at each other their hearts.

in your head, an familiar scene played, showing them in a pro hero costume, standing beside shigaraki in the dark alley. his gaze held fear and longing and you were brushing over his cheek, whispering that it would be okay. the memory seemed to bring tears to your eyes.

tenko, on the other hand, could see the moment he'd finally understood his quirk wasn't going to work. his hand was on your cheek, relief flooding him at the smallest touch. the raven was confused but it felt so.. familiar.

'hey, you okay?' himiko's voice broke through the spell and you blinked, head tipping towards her.

'oh.. sorry, i..' you began, pursing your lips, 'i thought i saw someone i knew..'

toya's eyebrow went up, glancing towards the young man then back. 'you know him?'

you shook your head with a frown. 'no but.. it feels like i should..? i just.. i just saw.. you know what, forget it? i sound crazy.'

tenko felt a familiar pull and as he kept walking, something told in to stop. he couldn't shake the feeling that he knew you, seemingly in another life, and he couldn't get himself to keep moving. the sensation was so unbelievably strong, he turned around and looked for you once more.

he didn't have a choice as he began moving towards you, heart beating harsh in his chest. 'excuse me,' he called, '..y/n?' he wasn't sure where the name came from but as he looked in your eyes, he felt an overwhelming wave of emotions, too many pictures rolling through his thoughts.

hearing the name, you looked up at him. 'tomura..?' you whispered.

himiko and toya had stepped back, exchanging curious glances but staying silent, not wanting to ruin the moment.

as you went to offer a hand to him, another student bumped him into you and the touch alone brought everything back. both of your memories from your past life flooding back like a dam had broken. both of you were shown the final moments of your relationship. and something in you broke, even dropping your bag.

'you.. you went against.. him..?' you asked, already throwing your arms around him as tears welled up in your eyes. you knew you shouldn't be upset but he wouldn't be standing in front of you had he not passed soon after.

'for you.' was his only answer, arms going around you tightly.

as the two of you stood, clinging to each other, whispering and sniffling, toya nudged himiko. 'did we just witness some reincarnation soulmate shit..?' he whispered, though he couldn't help but smile.

himiko nodded, offering him a toothy grin in return. 'fate really is weird, huh?' she asked, nudging him back. 'wonder if either of us have soulmates out there.'

the white haired male shrugged, tossing his bag over his shoulder. 'who knows.. wonder what kinda people we were, though.'

when the two of you pulled back, hands laced and prepared to face a whole new life together, you turned to face your friends. 'i'm sure we were friends in our past lives, too,' you chimed, being at least a little hopeful. none of your memories with each other showed them. soulmate stuff was weird, you decided.

himiko leaned down to pick up your discarded back. 'i'm sure we were all friends in all of our past lives.. just like we'll be in the next.'

everyone smiled and fell into step. tenko had waved back to his friends to go on without him and you resumed your conversation about plans, automatically pulling the raven into the middle of them.

'my dad's throwing some weird party for my brother.. you guys want to just hang out at my place?' toya asked, looking over the group. 'you can bring your new boyfriend.'

you rolled your eyes. 'wonder if your dad is this.. creepily.. attached to you and your siblings in another life. i'm pretty sure most of your house is covered in family portraits.'

'you realize i moved to a dorm just so i could breathe, right? he's like.. i don't even know how to explain it. he's like those t.v dad's that are so.. perfect? it's annoying.'

himiko laughed. 'you're upset because you have a loving family? that's soooo weird.'

toya clicked his tongue and reached to pinch her arm. 'you live on campus too, you know?'

you listened to them bicker, content to lean into tomura's side, peeking up at him as you walked. he glanced down at you, leaning to press a kiss against your forehead.

maybe, you thought, this life would treat you better.

[aftonfamilyvalues]

how women on here are reacting to the boxing situation is the final straw for me with radblr tbh.

like imagine this scenario for a second: people are making false claims about you that you not only can easily disprove with a simple, uninvasive test, but you've ALREADY DONE said test in the past so you'd just need to ask them to publish the results. you can debunk these claims with the same amount of effort required to push a button.

but you don't. you have Literally The Easiest Option In The World to prove you're right and you don't do it.

and yet because women have created their own OC for this guy in their heads who is a female with androgen issues they'd rather defend their self-made blorbo as a way to peacock about how "yes all women" and/or "not racist" they are than do 2 seconds of research and critical thinking to realize "hey maybe this situation that fits literally all the criteria for the dude being a male, including the fact that he's been previously disqualified from competing in the women's league TWICE yet shows up for the Female Olympics anyway, means he's actually just a liar and cheater"

i'm open to having some sympathy for him if his parents (tried to*) raise him as a girl but like. he's a fucking adult. he took a sex test. he knows who he is now. he's making his own decisions. one of these decisions is choosing to hide who he is.

*idc how misogynistic his parents are in believing "no vagina??? but no penis. no penis = female. because female = non-male.", if they knew he had a male-specific dsd that coloured how they raised and treated him, even if they tried to hide it. the act itself of hiding it from him and trying not to raise him that way makes their treatment of him already inherently different from how they'd raise him if he were actually female.

link here

im going to try to go about this in the most respectful way possible.

i cant say i agree with everything youre saying here. theres still a lot of misinformation about this and i cant say a slatz tweet is very satisfying for me given the racist and homophobic things ive seen from her. but, if what you say is true, that this boxer is an intersex male who was assigned female at birth, i think its completely unfair to treat her entirely as a man. the community tends to regard itself as a place for intersex women too, those with this particular dsd were not spared misogyny just because they unknowingly had xy chromosomes. learning they are biologically male with a dsd doesnt mean they have a desire to completely restructure their lives and identity around being men, i think thats kind of insane to expect.

that being said, i think there needs to be a reevaluation of fairness in sports and how intersex people fall into it. what advantages or disadvantages do intersex women carrying a y chromosome have over those that dont? what male charactistics (bone density, for example) still exist in these women? do they pose a danger to other women in their sport? what about other intersex conditions? at what point does it become unfair? unfortunately it could lead to their exclusion, and if that happens will there be another place for them? theres a lot to consider and things will have to change as we learn more. its not really a black and white situation in my opinion.

[little-tyrant-gortash]

I have to move my theory to another post from here, so I can properly save it in my headcanons in my pinned post. 😊

Well yes, after being sold as a slave by your bloody parents to a warlock, you'd think one would be more cautious around a person who slaughtered his ally, butchered countless minions that supported him and literally pissed in his soup. (Because frankly. That's what we fucking did. 😂)

By rights, we should've lost our heads the moment we neared Baldur's Gate.

He does the complete opposite and since he's highly intelligent, I refuse to believe that he's doing it because he's stupid. No, there has to be another reason... why he... automatically... thinks the best of us. And yes, we ARE useful to him if he can persuade us to kill Orin for him, but he offers SO MUCH MORE in exchange for that.

His reaction to us - either Tav or Dark Urge - is overwhelmingly, frighteningly positive. He made a pact with Orin she wouldn't kill him but our mere word was enough. What's that if not hope and positivity?

I was thinking about something concerning this all. When we first talk to him face-to-face, we're in literal neck deep shit... he still has ideas how to proceed, he still has a positive look on our collective future.

I have a theory. I've been collecting these for a fanfic where he eventually turns away from Bane to Lathander. Because for me it's all. Right. There. It's also interesting that there's a MASSIVE lore on other gods but they've made an entire fucking Lathanderian monastery for us to wander in BEFORE we even know Gortash exists.

Okay, let me rant because I'm losing my mind, sorry:

Enver (Anwar) means "brighter, more luminous" in Arabic.

Enver Gortash's title is Lord Lightbringer. For comparison, Lathander's other name is the Morninglord. Very, very similar. And Lathander is rather the God of Dawn, representing a new day, a new beginning. It's also interesting that one of the titles a priest could get is Sunrise Lord. Sunrise Lord / Lord Lightbringer? Jesus fucking Christ Larian.

His Steel Watch have this big silver symbol on them that (to me at least) resembles the sun. Interesting he designed it in silver - the sun also looks white when we look directly at it, isn't it? Also: gold on black (light in the dark). And there are literal sunrays. Like dawn.

His exact words to us are "[we will] rise over Toril like a roaring sun"

Lathander's portfolio includes "birth, renewal, spring and youth, as well as athletics, self-perfection, vitality and creativity". Some of these definitely apply to Gortash, at least self-perfection, vitality and creativity does.

This entire passage on this page: "[Lathander] is the god of dawn, which represented the potential of a new day. A god of hope and beginnings, Lathander's name was invoked at the start of new endeavors, (once again, "[we will] rise over Toril like a roaring sun"] whether sealing a new deal, or setting out on a new journey."

Once more: like a roaring sun, because these words are burned in my brain. Bane is often called the God of Darkness. Why, pray tell, does Gortash say roaring sun? I'm going mental at that fucking line.

God of Hope - House of Hope (painful, but strange coincidence 😫)

"His was an eternal optimism, a constant willingness to focus on hopes for the future rather than wallow in the failures of the present. He was a doggedly determined god who encouraged proactive altruism and constant reevaluation of the old ways."

This ^ is also interesting because upon meeting him, Gortash doesn't focus on the past or the failures of the present either, he focuses on the future and what we can do together. He's also determined and constantly reevaluates the old ways (with his creations, his involvement in politics, his ascension, with his plans).

And how could he escape the House of Hope if he had no hope that he had a future, a new dawn?

I don't think that the creators did all of this by accident. It's visible they've paid careful attention to other details, too.

Maybe, just maybe... deep, very deep down... unconsciously... hidden from even Bane...

Gortash is drawn to Lathander. To the light. To the dawn and new beginnings.

And perhaps... maybe... he hopes that we are the ones who can bring him back to the light.

[reader-wandering18]

Darkness Part 2

For @seikouryuu who asked me to tag him in my next post of this short crossover.

Jinwo arrived at the hunter association through the shadow that Woo Jin Chul followed who was surprised to see him.

— Where is it?

— Nice to see you too Hunter Sung Jinwo.

Jinwo didn't say anything and just kept his gaze on Woo Jin Chul who just sighed and took him to director Go Gunhee.

They told him what little they knew.

Your name, age and nationality are unknown, you seemed to be a little older than Jinwo possibly 28 but they weren't sure.

You didn't seem to have family, as well as a background or hunter record. Even with a facial search and fingerprints nothing was found about you in the system.

It's like you simply don't exist.

Or they hid your information too well.

Woo Jin Chul told Jinwo that in any case they needed to know your hunter rank. You didn't refuse so he took you to an evaluation where you touched the orb and it simply… broke.

— Could not evaluate the rank

Woo Jin Chul said, remembering being in the same room as you. His body trembled, he tried as much as he could to suppress it but… For some reason he couldn't stop feeling FEAR.

-She didn't seem to be human

It was an awkward silence

— It will be reevaluated in 3 days — said Go Gunhee

— Although you can get an idea of ​​the level it is at.

After that Jinwo didn't want to wait. He left the large building and spread his shadows throughout the city.

He had several questions.

¿What were you doing in the dungeon? Why doesn't he remember his fight? ¿Why… Does your mere presence scare everyone so much? ¿Are you really not human? If the answer was no, ¿ what are you?

His shadows scanned the city from top to bottom, but it was simply as if you didn't exist. If it weren't for his mother, Jin Chul and Gunhee would think it had all been a dream.

It was late so he returned home, received a scolding from his mother for leaving the hospital, ate with his family and at night inspected his quiet neighborhood with constant reports coming from the mental links with his soldiers.

They hadn't found you yet.

Jinwo's gaze turned to the dark sky. He didn't see any stars due to the heavy light pollution.

Only a large dark sky, illuminated by a RED MOON.

In a park, a couple jogging just as night fell looked up at the sky in surprise.

— Look honey, there's a red moon today. It's really strange, they say that this happens every certain amount of years. — How scary, that color is really abnormal. — Did you know, they say that if there's a red moon it's because the apocalypse is coming.

The girl hit him calling him an idiot and they both continued on their way.

However, they hadn't noticed that there was a figure sitting on the bench in front of them watching the same red moon.

The color is faint, it is not the great blood moon that I know

In a way you were glad that it was like that, if “THEY” discover that world it would be chaos.

Your gaze changed to a strange movement in the darkness. A pair of blue eyes opened, the figure emerged from the shadow revealing a knight, he had a red lock of hair coming out of his helmet.

He walked through the park, he seemed to be looking for something or maybe SOMEONE, but the figure he was looking for watched him calmly from a bench with a smile on his lips while he rested his head on his hand.

He passed in front of you but it simply seemed like he didn't see you, it's as if your existence was HIDDEN from the world.

Seeing him, your mind remembered that boy you met in the cave. That boy had great mental strength, however he had no CLEARANCE about the world which made it easy for him to take him to a dream along with his entire army.

He was strong… But they were on a different level.

The soldier disappeared as did his smile.

Your gaze turned once again towards the red moon.

-I can't stay.

[valictini]

(Anon from previous ask)

What doesn’t sit right with me is that Quackity said during a stream that there was no volunteer positions within his studios. Wouldn’t that mean that he or his team would have budgeted in order to account for admins payements even before the last merch drop ?

Even if you assume he wasn’t much involved in the behind the scenes workings of his company, didn’t know how many people exactly were working under it, it’s impossible to ignore the eggs admins, he literally played with them for months (putting aside Chunsik who joined much later, that makes 10 eggs who have been around for 6 months/an entire year).

Then if volunteers were never supposed to exist, wouldn’t they have budgeted in order to have enough money to pay AT LEAST these ten people every month ? Even if there was indeed a bad apple higher up who was misusing the funds before, this shouldn’t be an issue now.

I’m sorry for the rant, it’s just that the financial issues argument has felt very inconsistent for me since it was first brought up and I need to air my frustration.

Yeah I feel you anon, I really feel you.

First of all, I believe Quackity said he knew that there were volunteers, but he thought people were eventually hired after a trial. Also, I think the egg actors role was explicitly a volunteer role. Since it was supposed to last for like, 2 weeks, I can understand the reasoning. It should have probably been reevaluated after it was made clear that the eggs would stay longer though.

What still baffles me is that no official structure was implemented for when a new language would be included. I feel like one paid manager per language would have been the BARE minimum, but instead, we got Lumi (with later Lea) carrying the entire french side of the server alone, for months, for free, while also playing an egg.

Honestly, the ONLY way I can see Quackity being fully ignorant of the real state of things is that the administration lied about everything, especially the payment (as in, they showed fake receipts, declared that they paid people when they didn't, and pocketed the difference) AND, critically, that Quackity never checked himself.

This is in the realm of possibilities, and I wouldn't be surprised if it were what actually happened. Doesn't change the fact that it would mean that Quackity was sorely incompetent and naive, and doesn't excuse the real harm that this caused to the volunteers. But hey, at least he had no ill intents.

The fact that in this scenario, he never talked to the admins privately is, again, baffling to me, but seeing how limited the communication seemed to be between admins and ccs, it unfortunately is in the realm of possibilities too.

So here, this is the most generous scenario I can think of for Quackity. Unrealistic ambitions combined with absolute incompetence of how to manage such a big project and blind trust in people that ultimately exploited his ignorance.

Still, the fact that he never hired any HR and never personally checked why, for example, there were languages that were consistently left out of official announcements are a big red flag to me, and a reminder that we just don't know wtf happened. I want to believe he never intended for the abuse, but there are ways he has facilitated it when, as a law student, he should have known better, and people have every right to not trust his intentions.

[geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde]

To be honest, it's scary and painful after all the attempts and searches for like-minded people for the Rocher/Ciri ship, to understand that they do not exist and I am alone as an outcast.

It's scary because I've been alone all my life and I thought I could find friends in the fandom for the first time.

This harassment has become the only way for me to communicate, because no one is interested in my ideas about Roche/Ciri. I used to try to communicate politely and kindly, but people just laughed at it and lied to me.

Babe, listen, I need you to find some chill. Any modicum of chill. Fandom cannot be your entire life, that is not healthy. If not finding like minded people for your exceptionally rare pair (again, most people Do Not Know who Roche is or if they do it's from the few glimpses they got in TW3. TW2 was not nearly as popular because frankly it sucked) is going to make you feel like an outcast or like you're totally alone then you need to do some serious reevaluating.

If therapy is an option for you, do it. If not, then start looking for some other things you can do. In person events, again if possible, are great for making friends and friends are people you can drag into obsessions no matter how unlikely it feels (I made @officerjennie a hockey fan, please understand that no one saw that coming). Find a book club or a knitting circle or any other number of things so you can address issues of loneliness.

If you're adamant about making friends on here, they you need to do so by finding SHARED interests. Make friends with people you share common interests (you can't tell me that ciri/roche is the only thing you like because if it is then you're doing this to yourself) and then when you have friendships with good people, they will talk to you about your interests, even if they don't personally find them interesting.

(Love an apologies to everyone currently learning a whole lot more about hockey than they ever anticipated because I can't stop yapping)

[bad-fucking-omens]

The Witch Twin (Alec V. x OC) - Chapter 25 - Verdict

Summary: When I thought about my future, I was sure that I had the rest of my life vaguely planned out.

Then, my older sister moved up from Arizona to stay with us — and turned my entire life upside down.

I had no idea just how bad it had gotten until I was standing in a castle in Italy, convinced that I was about to die.

Length: 2.3K words (Complete fic 71.8K words)

Fic warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, explicit smut (M/F), referenced/implied past child abuse, emotional manipulation by sibling

Chapter warnings: None

Read on AO3 or read below

25. VERDICT

Chelsea was the first. She attempted to weaken the familial bonds between the Cullens, but her eyes widened in shock after a moment.

‘I can’t find them,’ she told us. ‘It’s as if they’re not there.’

I replied, ‘It has to be Bella’s shield. She’s protecting them. . . . All of them.’

Jane’s mouth twisted into a determined line. I saw Edward lurch towards Carlisle and, at first, I thought he was her target, but neither of the men dropped to the ground, screaming in agony.

‘I can’t touch them,’ Jane snarled furiously. ‘I can’t touch any of them.’

Bella grinned smugly at us and Jane hissed in anger. Alec put a comforting hand on her shoulder. The guard mindlink rippled with anxiety at the fact that the Cullens had so much protection from our gifts.

Aro instructed, ‘Eve, try to connect to their minds. Perhaps if you are able to link to them, her protection will be moot.’

I glanced out at the group and settled my eyes on Renesmee. It should have been easier, since I had linked to her mind previously. But when I tried to reach out, it was as if she wasn’t there. I could physically see her, so I knew exactly where her mind should be, but I couldn’t reach it.

‘I can’t reach them, either.’

‘Alec,’ Aro ordered.

Alec released my hand. He turned his hands so his palms were facing up. Black smoke curled between his fingers before it poured from his hands, gathering on the ground. It crept along the field, the dark smoke a stark contrast to the white snow. It wasn’t affected by a sudden gust of wind, or the crack that abruptly formed in the ground, although the latter made the kings break apart to stare at the ground in wonder.

The thick, black smoke continued to crawl towards the Cullens. Then, it hit an invisible wall. Alec’s lip curled into a snarl and his smoke began to creep along the sides of the barrier and upward, seeking for any weakness in the shield. I could tell from the annoyed look on Alec’s face that he found none.

Alec pulled his smoke away from the shield, but he let it linger around the base, still searching for a weakness. If Bella lost concentration for even just a split-second, it would slip in and they would be unprotected from Alec, at least.

At last, Aro spoke.

“Before we vote, let me remind you, whatever the council’s decision, there need be no violence here.”

Edward laughed darkly.

“It will be a regrettable waste to our kind to lose any of you,” Aro said. “But you especially, young Edward, and your newborn mate. The Volturi would be glad to welcome many of you into our ranks. Bella, Benjamin, Zafrina, Kate. There are many choices before you. Consider them.”

He let his words linger for a long moment before he said, “Let us vote, then.”

Caius said, “The child is an unknown quantity. There is no reason to allow such a risk to exist. It must be destroyed, along with all who protect it.”

“I see no immediate danger,” Marcus said softly. “The child is safe enough for now. We can always reevaluate later. Let us leave in peace.”

“I must make the deciding vote, it seems,” Aro murmured.

“Aro?” Edward called suddenly. The guard shifted uneasily at his confident tone.

“Yes, Edward?” Aro asked. “You have something further . . . ?”

“Perhaps. First, if I could clarify one point?”

“Certainly.”

“The danger you foresee from my daughter — this stems entirely from our inability to guess how she will develop? That is the crux of the matter?”

“Yes, dear Edward,” Aro agreed. “If we could but be positive . . . be sure that, as she grows, she will be able to stay concealed from the human world — not endanger the safety of our obscurity. . . .”

“So, if we could only know for sure exactly what she will become, then there would be no need for a council at all?”

“If there was some way to be absolutely sure,” Aro said, somewhat hesitantly. He was suspicious of what Edward was getting at. “Then, yes, there would be no question to debate.”

“And we would part in peace, good friends once again?”

“Of course, my young friend. Nothing would please me more.”

“Then I do have something more to offer,” Edward said with a grin.

Aro’s eyes narrowed. “She is absolutely unique. Her future can only be guessed at.”

“Not absolutely unique. Rare, certainly, but not one of a kind. . . . Why don’t you join us, Alice?”

“Alice,” Aro breathed.

Five others appeared at the opposite edge of the forest. They ran into the clearing, stopping between Edward and Carlisle. No one in the guard missed how they seamlessly passed through Bella’s shield. Now that we knew that it would not keep us out physically, Felix began to eye Bella eagerly.

“Alice has been searching for her own witnesses these last weeks,” Edward said, addressing Aro. “And she does not come back empty-handed. Alice, why don’t you introduce the witnesses you’ve brought?”

Caius snarled. “The time for witnesses is past! Cast your vote, Aro!”

Aro raised one finger to silence his brother, his eyes stuck on Alice, who stepped forward.

“This is Huilen and her nephew, Nahuel,” Alice said in her light, airy voice.

“Speak, Huilen,” Aro commanded. “Give us the witness you were brought to bear.”

The woman glanced nervously at Alice before she looked back at us and began to speak.

Huilen told us that she was a century and a half old, and that she had a sister, Pire. Her sister had told her of an ‘angel’ who found her in the woods and visited her by night. Huilen had warned her against seeing the man, especially when she saw the bruises on Pire’s skin. Pire disregarded her warnings and continued to meet with the man.

A short while later, Pire told Huilen that she was carrying the man’s child. She had planned to run away, knowing that their parents would get rid of both Pire and the child. Huilen followed her sister into the deepest parts of the Amazon, searching for the man, but he had disappeared. As time passed, Huilen cared for her sister, speaking of how she hunted for Pire, who ate animals raw and drank their blood. That was when Huilen finally realized what the child was.

Huilen spoke of how Pire loved the child inside of her. She named him Nahuel when he grew strong and broke her bones while still in her womb. Pire died when Nahuel ripped himself from her body to be born. Her last wish was that Huilen care for her son.

The boy bit Huilen when she tried to take him in her arms. She described the burning pain that shot through her body, and how she thought she would die. But when she woke from the pain, the child was curled up at her side. She cared for him, and they had been living in the Amazon by themselves for the past century.

Aro pursed his lips. He addressed the male that had arrived with the others.

“Nahuel, you are one hundred and fifty years old?”

“Give or take a decade,” he answered with a shrug. “We don’t keep track.”

“And you reached maturity at what age?”

“About seven years after my birth, more or less, I was full grown.”

“You have not changed since then?”

He shrugged again. “Not that I’ve noticed.”

“And your diet?”

“Mostly blood, but some human food, too. I can survive on either.”

“You were able to create an immortal?” Aro gestured toward Huilen.

“Yes, but none of the rest can.”

A shocked murmur rumbled through each group.

“The rest?” Aro asked.

“My sisters.”

Aro stared at him in pure amazement for a moment before he said slowly, “Perhaps you would tell us the rest of your story, for there seems to be more.”

“My father came looking for me a few years after my mother’s death. He was pleased to find me. He had two daughters, but no sons. He expected me to join him, as my sisters had. He was surprised I was not alone. My sisters are not venomous, but whether that’s due to gender or a random chance . . . who knows? I already had my family with Huilen, and I was not interested in making a change. I see him from time to time. I have a new sister. She reached maturity about ten years back.”

“Your father’s name?” Caius asked, his voice still filled with fury.

“Joham. He considers himself a scientist. He thinks he’s creating a new super-race.”

Caius looked at Bella and Edward. “Your daughter, is she venomous.”

“No,” Bella said quickly.

Aro looked at them all for a long moment, considering everything that had happened and what we had just been told.

Finally, he said, “Brother, there appears to be no danger. This is an unusual development, but I see no threat. These half-vampire children are much like us, it appears.”

“Is that your vote?” Caius asked, his tone clearly frustrated.

“It is.”

“And this Joham? This immortal so fond of experimentation?”

“Perhaps we should speak with him,” Aro agreed.

“Stop Joham if you will, but leave my sisters be,” Nahuel said. “They are innocent.”

Aro nodded solemnly. He turned towards the annoyed, frustrated guard with a warm, placating smile on his face.

“Dear ones. We do not fight today.”

All at once, the guard relaxed. Alec finally — though reluctantly — pulled his smoke back into the air. The low guard began to leave, with about half of the high guard, as Marcus, Caius, and the wives drifted towards the edge of the clearing that we had entered from. Alec and I remained with Aro, Renata, Demetri, and Felix.

“I’m so glad this could be resolved without violence,” Aro said to the Cullens. “My friend, Carlisle — how pleased I am to call you friend again! I hope there are no hard feelings. I know you understand the strict burden that our duty places on our shoulders.”

“Leave in peace, Aro,” Carlisle said stiffly. “Please remember that we still have our anonymity to protect here, and keep your guard from hunting in this region.”

“Of course, Carlisle,” Aro assured him. “I am sorry to earn your disapproval, my dear friend. Perhaps, in time, you will forgive me.”

“Perhaps, in time, if you prove a friend to us again.”

Aro bowed his head and finally turned away from them. We fell into step around him as we left the clearing.

“Eve,” Aro said. I stepped up to walk beside him, Alec drifting forward with me. “I am not sure if you noticed while I was listening to Edward’s memories, but it appears that the Cullens have told your father that Bella and the rest of their family are not human.”

I froze. Alec grabbed my hand as terror and rage filled my body. Aro turned to face me and I looked up at him in horror.

“He . . . he knows?” I whispered in a small voice. Aro nodded, watching me carefully. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut for a moment before I opened them. I begged, “Please, please, just do it quickly. He shouldn’t suffer for her crimes–”

Aro held up a single hand and I fell silent, biting down hard on the inside of my cheek. I gripped Alec’s hand so tightly that I could hear a high-pitched whine as a crack formed in his hand, but he didn’t even try to pull away.

“I have no intention of having your father executed, young one,” Aro said. “You, your mate, and his sister are the crown jewels of our guard. If allowing your father to live keeps you happy, then it is a miniscule price to pay.”

“Thank you,” I breathed in relief.

“Of course, young one,” he murmured with a small smile. Then, he said, “I do feel the need, however, to remind you that you still cannot contact him in any way.”

“Yes, I understand,” I said softly.

He nodded, then drifted away with everyone else. Alec and I remained where we were standing, choosing to follow them later.

“She is reckless and such a narcissist,” I hissed angrily. “She put my father’s life in danger, after she begged me to stay with him to protect him! I don’t care if she was absolutely sure that Aro wouldn’t have him killed because of my place in the guard, but it was still incredibly dangerous.”

“All she thinks of is herself,” Alec agreed. He took my face in his hands and said, “But your father is safe, my love. And, though you cannot contact him directly, you can still follow his life from afar. I’m sure that Demetri would be able to track him for you if you simply asked.”

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist. Alec put his arms around me as I tucked my head into the crook of his neck. “You’re right. . . . God, I’m just so tired of dealing with Bella and all of her shit. I thought I’d never have to deal with her again after today.”

Alec pressed a kiss to my temple and rubbed his hand along my back.

“Be patient, my love. I doubt that the Cullens will be able to keep themselves out of trouble for long. They will make another mistake, and they will not be able to slip through our grasp any longer.”

“I hope so,” I mumbled.

He laughed softly. He leaned back, then reached up to gently tilt my head up. Alec kissed me fiercely. His hand slid up to thread his fingers through my hair. I moaned, pulling him as close as possible.

When we broke apart, Alec hummed and combed his fingers through my hair.

“Come, sweet girl. Let’s go back home.”

[moved-to-piersgender]

(DISCLAIMER: I'm not excusing Mettaton for this. Don't start that shit with me. In this house we love complicated and flawed characters)

I've been feeling quite shitty which has got me thinking about the infamous Burgerpants.

Sooo essentially I think he's rejecting his past self again but being something of a dick about it. When we meet Mettaton in Deltarune he's a depressed wretch, an utter wet towel of a man at the bottom of a deep mental hole, someone that's still present in the world but given up on living. Our little greasy sadboy cat is ALSO a depressed wretch at the bottom of a deep mental hole, convinced that it's only down from here despite only being 19 and smoking to deal with his problems.

Mettaton, when we first meet him in the game, in his quest to escape his past has thoroughly alienated his loved ones. He's bought into the lie that he's a self made man, when the truth is that he was extremely fortunate to have made a friend that was a skilled engineer and that him escaping that emotional void was something he could never have done without support.

So when he gathers staff for his poorly thought out pastiche of human fanciness, and gets to know them for a while. Most he gets on well with, people who have taken some joy in their strange new roles, but there's this guy. This guy who does nothing but complain about his life, about how he was expecting instant success, this absolute wet blanket of a young man who's in a deep emotional hole that is, from Mettaton's perspective, of his own making. And he remembers what being that fucking miserable is like. We all know that Mettaton hates his past self and would rather forget it entirely. And here comes Burgerpants, reminding him of it. See, he MADE something of himself! He wanted to die for most of his existence, but here he is, atop an empire! So perhaps this wretch needs some motivation to improve. Some harsh, unkind, NOT AT ALL PUNISHING HIMSELF FOR PERCIEVED INTERNAL WEAKNESS BY PROXY motivation.

So while there's some sympathy he doesn't acknowledge deep in there which is why he doesn't just cut the guy loose if he's really such a pain, I think he's kind of waiting for Burgerpants to call him on his bullshit. To show SOME indication of an internal fire, and he's just…not. He straight up saddled the man with an insulting nickname and the dude calls HIMSELF that now. Who the fuck does that? So instead BP continues to make his misery a vital part of his identity and blame all his problems on the feeemalessss.

By the time that Mettaton meets Frisk and got some ego knocked out of that extremely attractive head of his, he's reevaluating his relationship with others and is gonna be a bit less hard on the guy. But he's a guy that'd honestly rather die than admit he fucked up or that he feels unsexy emotions, so while he does let BP tag along to the surface with him he's not gonna be TOO nice to the dude quite yet. He's still gonna have to earn it… obviously…

TL;DR: Burgerpants reminds him too much of his ghost self. He hates his ghost self, and he's decided in a rather twisted way that he's gonna "motivate" Burgerpants to improve too.

(Mettaton haters interacting with this post will be blocked on sight, I'm not here for a debate)

[ssruis]

I once saw a fic where rui made an invention that like almost put tsukasa into a coma with how bad it hurt him? And then tsukasa angrily quit and then akito saved him from them and they kissed etc etc . I think the funniest thing is the tags "not wxs bashing but they need to be more careful.. someone is going to get hurt 😕" like dude . You made up this scenario and now you are getting mad about it . Anyway no hate to them just made me go ???

CRYINGGG… yeah I’ve been told abt this fic existing before & i literally erased this fact from my head because just being given the basic summary made me so mad its existence I was like “you know what I’m not going to think too hard about this or seek it out. for my own sanity and peace of mind #choosehapiness 😊” which is how u know something really got on my nerves (known hater who loves to complain & bitch about things). & also I dislike hating on random people because I have zero desire to get in online fights and I’m a firm believer in “do whatever u want if I don’t like it I will just block you.”

That being said, RESPECTFULLY I think that person should read wonder halloween/rmd/the mafuyu focused festival event again and reevaluate their take. Rui is incredibly thorough with safety and will check the safety of his inventions *on himself* first, so that he’s the only one who will face consequences and be hurt in the very unlikely chance that he miscalculated something. He won’t ask tsukasa (or nene, or emu, or anyone else for that matter) to do something that he wouldn’t do himself. In RMD it’s shown that he tested the jump himself before showing it to his classmates, in the festival event he tested the jump pad out to recalibrate it (so that he wouldn’t be putting tsukasa on something that could hurt him) and fucked up his leg. “Someone is going to get hurt” gestures at wonder halloween.

Rui canonically was ostracized because people *thought* he would put him in situations where they would get hurt - actually doing so, whether it’s on purpose or through negligence, is something he’s terrified of. If he actually got tsukasa hurt so severely he was in a coma I 100% genuinely believe he would either quit wxs himself or just never suggest any stunts that were even slightly dangerous ever again. & if tsukasa got that hurt, Tsukasa would blame himself for both the injury and also upsetting Rui. People act like tsukasa has no agency in this when he literally 1) got mad at rui for holding back on him 2) agrees to stunts knowing the risks. Gestures aggressively & unblinkingly at wonder halloween for a solid 5-10 minutes.

“Someone is going to get hurt” HELP… there is literally an entire event where that happens. It’s like the third fucking event in the game. The most evergreen tweet anyone has ever made about this game is “don’t fuck with pjsk fans we don’t read the stories” because good god. some people really don’t.

[dearinglovebot]

not enough discussion about the narrative implication of claire dearing/the indominus rex being the same honestly.

“it’s white. you never told me it was white” meanwhile claire is standing beside masrani in a full white outfit. he’s commented on the paleness of her skin. she only becomes The Hero when her white jacket is replaced with a lilac tanktop.

“it tried to break the glass” claire did break the glass ceiling with her age and gender. she only had to sell her soul to do it.

“where is the sibling / she ate it” claire and karen being separated. implicitly as claire’s choice. completely cut off from each other. claire hasn’t seen her family in about seven years.

“the base genome is t.rex. the rest is… classified / you made a new dinosaur but you don’t even know what it is?” claire only presents the abrasive side of herself to others. she is heartless, calculated, and aggressive with her pursuits and she can be nothing else to them. but to be true, does she even know who she is anymore? or has it all been buried so deeply by the persona?

“animals raised in isolation aren’t always the most functional” claire quite literally has no one at this point. if she did, like the sibling, then she ate it alive (metaphorically).

“the only positive relationship this animal has is with that crane. at least she knows that means food” the crane being masrani corp technology directly relating it to being masrani corp. the only positive relationship she has is with the corporation. at least then she knows she’ll be paid for her work

“the existence of this park is predicated on our ability to handle incidents like this. it was an eventuality, okay” no person can present a persona like hers and work in isolation forever. there was always going to be a breaking point. it never could’ve lasted forever, and it shouldn’t

“you’re going after her with non-lethals? / we have 26$ million invested in that asset. we can’t just kill it” the personal pronoun by owen, her love interest, vs the dehumanizing descriptors by masrani, her boss. she is not a person to the corporate machine, she is their asset

“those men are going to die” the deaths of acu being on both claire and the indominus. her for sending them, the indominus for eating them. the death doesn’t exist without both of them, and they are the same

“you are not in control here” neither the indominus nor claire feel in control as they’re thrust into a new, strange environment yet they’re hurting others to prove to themselves that they are

“she clawed it out / how would it know to do that?” the personal pronoun again. someone who cares about claire using she while claire herself is lost to seeing herself as nothing but the asset. the machine is her, she does not exist without the machine (but she does)

“she is seeing all of this for the first time. she does not even know what she is. she will kill everything that moves” claire is seeing the park with new eyes as much as the indominus. she is seeing how easy she can control life and death by her choices, just as the indominus is. she doesn’t know what she is anymore or what she’s ever been

“she is learning where she fits in the food chain and I’m not sure you want her to figure that out” claire is reevaluating every moral she has. she is reevaluating herself and masrani and the entire park itself

“that thing out there, that’s no dinosaur” as much as the indominus no longer is a dinosaur, claire no longer is a person. this is where she’s really beginning to realize how far she’s falling. directly before she begins bringing the park to a close

“bigger. scarier. cooler. […] you cannot have an animal with exaggerated predator features without the corresponding behavioral traits” you can lead a capitalist empire of a park without the corespondent cruelties of running it

“it didn’t eat them. it’s killing for sport” the point of claire’s career where she’s really grasping how she’s run this park. if you build a monster, you can’t be surprised when it does monstrous things (if you give your soul up for control, you can’t be surprised when other things start to lose it)

“lowery, we found her […]” claire is finally using personal pronouns for the dinosaur. that is to say, seeing herself as human again with human wants and needs and no longer just an entity

in the end, the indominus is only defeated by the “real” dinosaurs. the false persona is defeated by the real person (with support, because she doesn’t need to fight all of those battles alone)

and if we want to get even MORE meta then we’d notice that the indoraptor is narratively connected to maisie. the indoraptor, which is the genetic mix of raptors (owen) and the indominus rex (claire)

[rabbitindisguise]

I had a hecking. Existential crisis today

I realized suddenly that I've spent awhile trying to "get" friends in a particular community and once I had "proof" that I had some and that I fit in I just went

"what am I even doing here?"

I realized that the friends I'd made crafting and stuff felt way closer because we had something in common. It's like realizing that the people at the LGBT support groups aren't like . . . innately going to click with me just by sharing some superficial identity characteristics.

It made me realize that the people who are close to me- the polycule, my friends on the east coast, rock climbing friends- have something that's much more uhhh. Like I'm not afraid to embarrass myself, and I'm comfortable receiving criticism, and I'm invested in maintaining the relationship. I did end up doing something different than I did in college by not making waves and fitting into the community as a whole but I didn't strictly benefit from it. And some of my friends actively like . . . struggled to fit in, and I haven't had time to hang out with them because of it.

I think I'm going to shift gears entirely and really reevaluate how I'm spending my time. I was doing it for the wrong reasons I think. And if the friendship can't exist on it's own merits aside from running in the same circles, I'm not sure it's worth maintaining

[molsno]

I can actually see why some transmascs may talk about "hatred of masculinity" in a good faith (and still be wrong).

Before realizing that they were men they were probably identifying as women heavily dissatisfied with being women and probably also heavily gender non-conforming. Neither of those are considered fully acceptable by wider society, but totally accepted by feminist movement, at least here where I live. And the most prominent feminist organisations here are radfem-adjacent.

Now, saying that those organisations at large are "anti-men" or even "against masculinity in men" is wrong, considering how they tried to portray their enemies as effeminate as some kind of own. And, though I have never witnessed it myself, how straight girls who use radfem rhetoric are willing to invent new definitions of lesbianism to call their cishet boyfriends "lesbians", men for them have higher priority than lesbians at least.

Still, running into people there who did just hate men was a daily occurrence, and many more were parroting their rhetoric ("feminine energy" as some kind of fix for civilisation and so on). If some transmascs allied more with people like this, discovering that they are what they considered to be some ontological evil might have been traumatic.

Still, posing misandry as big societal problem and not fringe worldview that they internalized is silly at best (I am using misandry here as personal attitude, not system, hence no quotes). And I always assume that people who talk about it as something important are either doing it in bad faith or repeating someone's bad faith arguments without analysing it.

(Now it's up to question how many transmascs actually joined those organisations in any way, considering how for unrealised trans girl that I was any idea about how good men or masculinity are even (in not ridiculous form) was an instant "no" on all levels, but who knows)

yeah, that's pretty much my understanding of it, too. basically all transmascs who believe in transandrophobia display at least some level of internalized gender essentialism underlying their entire ideology.

and like, I get it. the feminist wave of the 2010s was so deeply entangled with radical feminism that for a good while, anyone heavily involved in the movement was exposed to the biological essentialist worldview central to radical feminism that declares that men are ontologically evil, and I have no doubt that many young, repressed trans people at the time internalized that idea to an extent. I certainly did, and it only amplified my dysphoria as a teenager. it was traumatizing to me, and I can completely understand why it would be traumatizing to transmascs to come to terms with the fact that they were something they had always believed was inherently bad.

it's just like you said though, it's a mistake to frame misandry as a society wide issue when really it's a very small minority of people. but a lot of trans men never question or challenge the worldview they developed in their youth, so when they start getting read as men when they're adults and inevitably face transphobia, they start attributing it to a societal hatred of masculinity instead of recognizing that the actual cause of their oppression is a society that seeks to protect the concept of the immutable gender binary that enables the patriarchal hierarchy of power at all costs.

I don't really have any sympathy for them, though. like yeah, it sucks to be made to feel like you should hate yourself just for existing, but like, that isn't unique to them. the gender essentialism so many of them have internalized is a big reason a lot of transandrophobia truthers start aligning themselves with terfs, and I don't think I need to tell you how I feel about that. 😑 they have an alternative, they can just reevaluate their beliefs until they come to realize that man and woman are completely neutral categories entirely devoid of value judgment and don't say anything meaningful about any given person other than what they like to be called. I'll admit from experience that accepting that truth can be difficult but it's not impossible, and challenging your worldview is something you're going to have to do a lot in life if you actually want to meaningfully change how you interact with people and the world around you.

but why do that when they can demand trans women bend over backwards to appease them? it must feel good to get a taste of that male privilege when a few trans women are actually self-hating enough to listen to them. that is, at least until they get too much backlash from the rest of us who have enough self esteem to stand up for ourselves and they recede into the open arms of terfs for comfort from the mean trannies.

[ur-mom-64209]

Would you mind giving a detailed description of your thoughts about Billy Hargrove? I've been trying to get a lot of information from both ends of the argument on this topic. If not I one hundred percent understand!

yeah sure

i'll start with the easiest thing i can, he's racist. canonically racist. he specifically targeted lucas. he said "people like him" (if it's not word for word oh well) when referring to lucas. you can't really defend that.

why does this matter to me? i'm not black, but it still matters. i'm mexican and have been told i have the darkest skin out of everyone in my family. i've experienced racism in many forms.

1. casual

jokes about my skin color, jokes about my culture, shit like that. usually followed up with "it's just a joke"

2. passive aggressive

more silent racism, like the stereotypical white woman clutching her purse as i walk by. like you just know they want to call you some shit but they don't

3. flat out aggressive

slurs, trying to fight me (idk why though)

4. miscellaneous (idk what section to add these to)

people saying they "don't see my color", denial of their racism, saying white privilege doesn't exist, sexualization, cultural appropriation, tokenism

so i am pretty sure i can confidently say i have seen and experienced racism, so i know what it looks like.

and obviously i know racism will look a bit or very different when applied to different races.

examples: i have never been called the n word, that's something black people experience. i have never had comments made on my eyes/had them been made fun of, that's something mainly asian people experience (same with stereotypes on food).

i have a lot of people of color in my friend group, and we have all discussed what racism we've experienced. and guess what, billy has done what some of my friends have described. crazy how that happens.

yes yes, i know he's fictional. but does that automatically mean i'm going to throw away my morals at the sight of fiction? no.

another thing is SOME of his fans have god awful takes.

example 1. saying that 12 year old mike wheeler was more racist than billy was.

yes what mike said in season 2 was racist. but racism is racism. mike had one situation of my knowledge. billy did what i previously said, and acted violently. if you say him grabbing and pinning 12-13 year old lucas against that dish cabinet or whatever the fuck that was, wasn't violent or attacking, reevaluate why you think it isn't.

then obviously there is him trying to run the party off the road, he saw lucas in the group and only have a shit max was hanging out with lucas.

he didn't care that dustin had obvious feelings for max, billy only cared about lucas being around max.

example 2. he was possessed by the mind flayer, he had no control.

that was in season 3, not season 2. yes he was possessed in season 3, but in season 2 he didn't even know about the upside down, so that argument is entirely irrelevant when discussing season 2 billy.

and yes i know he was abused, and that's tragic that he's relatable. i would never wish what he and a noticeable part of his fan base have experienced.

i also know his abuse traumatized him into commiting the actions that he did. i think it's pretty unfair when people who are anti billy say things that can quite literally mean "just get over it". but i also think it's incredibly unfair when people who are pro billy just ignore the negative impact he left.

i had some difficultly rewatching some of his scenes that he was in, because of his racism. again, i experience racism daily. so i'll say it again, i can't just throw away my morals for fiction, i'm sorry, i just can't.

[xtrablak674]

The Mental Just Isn't There

A former friend grew the cutlery in his home by taking silver from restaurants he ate out at, and trust he ate out a lot. There was such an entitlement in this action that I could never really comprehend, nor could I get past the cognitive dissonance I had when this friend who I met as Italian became Puerto Rican. Seriously, I didn't think it worked like that, we could just choose what race we wanted to be. I guess if you're light enough you can be whomever you want to be. He wasn't the only friend I had who had chose to choose a different race than the one of his origin. My Dominican and Sicilian friend later turned out to be just Dominican...

Me, I have always been Black and will always be Black. I ain't trying to fool or even have the ability to fool anyone about who or what I am. But it seems I have something built into who I am that folks don't want to fuck with, and I am not sure what that is all about.

The mental just isn't there, that was yesterday for me. It was overcast and it felt cold in the apartment, I am not sure if it was really cold, or if this was what my mind had communicated to my body since I was facing a depressive episode more than likely triggered by the extremely overcast weather. Sunless days were the hardest for me, not getting my daily vitamin D just fucked me up. But my mental training was helping and I had no guilt whatsoever from taking a day off from my yoga practice.

Something else this morning was percolating in my head that I may not attempt to pass on intergenerational wealth to my siblings children. This came out of the relations or lack thereof with my late brothers children. I haven't heard from them in nearly two weeks after a very promising start. I am not going to mentally gaslight myself into believing something wasn't there when there was clearly a connection that was happening.

I was thinking deeply that I am not going to apologize for who I am and the choices I have made. I have no regrets about the condition of my life. I am not going to take on all the baggage that my family and society has placed on me and my identities. I am not going to be ashamed of who or what I am, I am not going to perform humility where none is needed. I am not going to attempt to win someone's approval, when the only person who needs to approve of me, is me. There is nothing wrong about who or what I am and I am done having to cajole folks to embrace me. I am of the mind, take me or leave me.

Placing myself in a position where I need to over-correct for someone else's delusions isn't fair to me. It's not my fault these children had a grandparent who deep psychological and mental health issues have made her isolate herself and the children in her care. I am not over compensating for someone else's deficiencies. I don't feel the need to jump through hoops for someone's approval when it should be the other way around. Albeit there are things we both get from a relationship, I am the one coming to this interaction with much more acquired value and I shouldn't act otherwise. I am done with my entire existence being one bit ass apology. You're either down for who I am or you can choose to not fuck with me.

This has me reevaluating if I am doing too much to provide something for children who will not even appreciate it. I have relationships with only a handful of them, and I understand in a lot of these cases its not their fault if I am estranged from their parents and some may not have even heard of me. But its not my responsibility to put forth so much effort where that effort isn't being returned. I need folks to be there for me as much as I attempt to be there for them, if not than I don't need those relationships.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[pizzapasta23045]

Ok it's the point in the night where my brain gets silly and. I am about to go to sleep BUT. I'm dying to know what your opinions on the Imunlauker clan are, if you have any?

(Or any opinions/thoughts you have about niche lore characters because I for one will go rabid over some character that's litearlly only been mentioned in like two artifacts and an archive book,, I love the lore characters so bad it's insane I'm super curious if you've fallen down that rabbithole or not)

So, I cannot offer you any lore/speculation on the imunlauker because I don't know much about Dragonspine.

But I can tell you about Mr Nine!

So, Mr Nine is the only known authors of the book we find in game. He's the writer of both Flowers for Prinsess Fishl (which you may know because of, well, Fishl) and The Shattered Halbered" (the book from Xingqui's story quest) and it's claimed in a world quest that Mr Nine is his actual name, not a nickname.

Now, why should you care? Well, let's start from the beginning.

After 3.3 many theorist have reevaluated all the books in the game, especially the alllegorical ones, as they could very well be a hint to actual history being recorded without Irminsul modifications. One of the most interesting is, in fact, the Shattered Halbered.

Now, a short synthesis.

This story is set in a world where there were nine realms, each a world of its own. The realm of humans was known as the Zhongzhou, while the gods reside in Shenxiao. At the end of the last calamity, a war between the gods broke out. The God King fell. The realms have now been born anew but Axus mundi is obstructed, meaning you cannot travel between the worlds anymore.

This dude mir finds this woman as they're both pissing (this is not a joke, they are actually both in need to piss), who is possesed by the spirit of the daughter of the Celestial emperor, she's serching for this meteor that belongs to the celestial emperor but was stolen and used to create cursed weapons that drain people's intellect. Mir is trying to cleanse his family name from his father's Mi Tingren... embezzling scheme...

It's revealed that the meteors are part of this divine Halbert which can cleans the world, snapped into pieces and turn into nine cursed swords.

then this is said:

"The Court of Imperial Entertainments [The place Mir's father worked at] is dedicated to worshiping and making sacrifices to all you divine beings up above. Serving you is my family's job." And in any case, when the gods make their move, what can mere mortals do but look on helplessly and accept their fate?

Which, yeah, it's a thing.

Then it's revealed that Mir's father actual name is Khan the Asura from Jotunheim. Legend has it that the Celestial Emperor once went to war with the Asura. To prepare for the war, the Celestial Emperor selected soldiers from three realms and made them ascend to become his celestial army after death, they would then which was referred these soldier's "job" as "hunting from above."ù

They collect most "offscreen" and one remains.

It turns out that the sword his father had left him as inheritance was the greatest cursed sword of all, that had once burned the entire world to cinders: Laevatain. The sword had extinguished after the world was burned, but having been used by Mir, it burned bright once more.

The woman then claims the world has been destroyed again.

At this point the Celestial Emperor, now described as mad says "The world is beyond repair. It shall be born anew from the ashes of the last." and sententeces the world to an harsh punishment.

This is how it ends:

"Oh my daughter, the one in whom all my hopes are placed! Did I not bring you into existence that you might one day pierce me with a halberd?" Awakened at last, the God King floated in the heavens to the claps of thunder and the dancing of the wind, rejoicing at his return. But she was no longer afraid. This was the moment she had been waiting for her entire life, the moment she had been made for all those eons ago. No — that was not it. The true source of her courage was the time she had spent with him. The first Divine Halberd, Irmin, once pierced the Axis Mundi and connected the nine worlds. Now, its replicas had proliferated across the heavens. Fearing the madness that would ensue following his death, the God King made one final Divine Halberd, and named it the Prinzessin der Verurteilung. In this moment, it — nay, she — could finally unleash her true self.

Now.

Firstly, the 9 realms is both a parallel to norse and chinese mythology and later in the story Jotunheim is mentioned, aka the land of giants in Norse myths. Plus Mir's full name would be Mimir, a norse god.

Mimir is a god with an insane amount of knowledge killed during the Aesir-Vanir war, a war between two different parts of the norse pantheon. Odin carries his head around so it can tell him of the world's knowledge because he's weird like that.

Khaenri'ah seems to be at least in part ispired by norse mthology in multiple ways so it'd be fair to assume that Mr Nine is from Khaenri'ah or knows about Khaenri'ah in universe.

Also Irmin is the name of the king of Khaenri'ah, which is weird because in the book he's described as divine and stuff and as someone whom, in his death, allowed for the world to be opened once again. Which is interesting because if this is, in fact, a direct comparison to the actual history of the world it'd imply Irmin is a god or similar.

Not an archon. A celestial god.

The axis mundi is a concept in comperative mythology of a place that connects each of the world's realms. It is often a mountain or a tree. In norse mythologhy it's a tree that connects all the different realms.

Which is a very similar to the concept of Irminsul in genshin, since it's also a tree of Knowledge. Now, this would imply that the only way for us to leave Teyvat is through the tree.

You see? It all connects! Which is why I so strongly believe in the time travel theory and why I think Kaeya's clan is aware of Irminsul changes.

Also, another reason why Irmin could be a god which would destroy the pride of humanity thing.

Now, my speculation.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that you wanted to erase Barbatos from the records of the world. It'd be hard to remove him entirely because he's funamental to the revolution.

But, if you were to replace any mention of Anemo Archon, for example with Lord Barbatos what would happen? There would be some misterious ruler named barabatos whom appeared once in the hisotry, maybe twice during the revolution against the aristocrats. But people with the same naems exist and if you had a national hero it'd make sense to name your son or daughter after him.

You wouldn't know, is the thing. There wouldn't be an empty governement position for no reason, nor would the written hstory stop to make sense. You could just erase him.

It'd be much harder to replace Morax. Still possible but harder.

Now, what if Irmin was never the King of Khaeri'ah but that was the easiest way to replace his original title while making most texts make sense nonetheless?