#that means i'm officially apart of the ship fandom

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

Mike/El/Lucas/Max polyship where Max is all like [Boyfriend By Dove Cameron] but at both Mike AND El so she's just like, "Hey, El, I could be a better boyfriend than Mike" but then also just like, "Hey, Mike, I could be a better boyfriend than El" and then Lucas is just like, "I don't know, I just really love you both a lot, Max just wants to be dramatic about it"

[i-heart-hxh]

I see people posting things like, "Why are some people obsessed with proving your ship is canon? Who even wants their ships to be canon, it's more fun when it's not?"

I get where people are coming from with this sentiment--it is fun to have your own headcanons, your own control of how you're interpreting the characters, not being reliant on what canon gives you, etc. I'm very much in favor of people doing whatever they want in fanworks, canon be damned! Ship what you want, go wild, ignore canon altogether if you want!

But with HxH and especially Gon and Killua, it IS important to me how essentially canon it is for a number of reasons. One of these is that the bond between them is one of the main emotional cores of the series, and to reduce it down to "Haha no homo! They're just bros! If you see it in ways other than that you're delusional!" is a disservice to what Togashi is writing--and it's essentially willfully misreading the source material.

Obviously, no one is obligated to ship it themselves, no one is obligated to like seeing it in a romantic light, but it irks me when people pick apart all the incredible nuance and beautiful details in HxH, all the rich subtext and meaning, and then pretend that the very present subtext and romantic framing between Gon and Killua isn't there at all. Especially as throughout the years I continue to learn more about Togashi and look even more deeply into HxH and it becomes increasingly more and more crystal clear how intentional it seems, how much of this is thoughtfully put in there for people to pick up on.

There's so much shounen out there that puts on a veneer of gayness--essentially giving the audience just enough vaguely gay things for the female audience (as well as gay audience, etc.) to latch on to for marketing/merchandise reasons, while mostly pushing het ships in the canon material officially. (And I'm not saying in all cases it's like that, but I do think that's the trend specifically with shounen series.) With Togashi, it very much seems like he creates it out of his own genuine personal interest and because that's the story he wants to tell--the kind of story he's wanted to tell for a long time and can get away with now because of changing social norms and the fact that he's already incredibly popular and he owns HxH outright.

And as someone who loves Togashi's storytelling--all of it, not just the gay parts, of course--I care about what he's trying to create and intending to convey and it bothers me to see people outright denying it out of their own biases. I feel like people who deny it's there or refuse to see it in that way at all are missing a big chunk of the series, an important and intentional part of the series. (And this extends to other parts of the series that are queer, too, like Alluka for instance. There's so much in HxH that is queer in some way! Denying it all is there is ridiculous!)

And again, it doesn't mean people have to ship it, everyone is allowed to see what's there and ultimately choose to see it in a platonic way if they want, it's more when I see outright denial that this is the author's intent when all signs point to it being so that bothers me.

I think part of this is people just being casual viewers/readers of the series (though some of it is pretty blatant IMHO) and not being aware of all the Deep Lore that points to it being way more than in your average shounen, but a LOT of it is simply homophobia. It's frustrating being in a fandom for years where there are a bunch of people who go about picking apart all the nen powers and the beauty of Chimera Ant Arc in exhaustive detail and then utterly and completely deny that there are sound, well-documented reasons why a large part of the fandom sees it as a gay/queer work.

So hopefully this explains some of why I bother to argue the canon aspect at all, and why I think it matters to a lot of people specifically in HxH fandom.

[alicent-vi-britannia]

5 reasons why Kagino doesn't work (and 3 reasons why Kalulu does)

I was planning to prepare the small analysis of the final scene of the last episode of the first season, but, given the latest events that have occurred on my other Code Geass page, I decided to postpone it and work on a publication that I had planned for the future: explaining why Kagino is the most forced ship in Code Geass, besides Lelouch and CC in the infamous movie Lelouch of the Aberration (you will know it as Lelouch of the Resurrection). Also why Kagino is one of the worst ships in Code Geass. Please note that I use the term ship because this is a fandom pairing. Gino was never a love interest for Kallen and vice versa, according to official material (including the series).

1.It's a forced ship. This ship was invented by the Newtype magazine, which was ProCluClu, after they tried to do the same with Xingke and the ship had no support. What is the need to promote this ship? Kallen was becoming too close to Lelouch for the liking of CluClu fans, so it had to get her rival out of the way, and what better way for her heart to have an owner other than Lelouch? Actually, there could be other ways, but even the CluClu shippers saw the chemistry and sexual tension between Lelouch and Kallen. She was a threat, from their point of view. I have emphasized this because ""coincidentally"" the CluClu shippers are the only ones who pair Kallen with Gino (yes, I'm seeing that they are realizing that they are losing credibility due to their bias, so they are trying to hide what they are pretending they are Shirlulu or Kalulu shippers; they clearly don't understand what they are doing wrong, right?). The other 0.0002% are people who ship them because they believe that CluClu is canon and Kallen is alone and deserves someone to take care of her heart, but, as Miley Cyrus said in her powerful song, Kallen can buy herself flowers, ask herself to dance, telling herself things that only she understands, holding her own hand and loving herself and being happy.

Kallen is a romantic interest of Lelouch. You can see their relationship develop and take on a romantic nature as the episodes go by in R2. There is a narrative construction. Unfortunately, I won't be able to track their relationship here since that requires a separate analysis.

2. The "other reasons" that accompany this ship are superficial. The ship background that I expressed above is the real reason. There are no other compelling reasons to pair Kallen and Gino apart from the fact that they are both handsome, the same age, they exchanged a few words, and they are Knightmares pilots. Still, for CluClu shippers, those reasons are enough to prove that they are "soulmates." It's complete nonsense. You have work colleagues or study partners and your mother or your friends or your teacher or your boss aren't matching you with any of them, right? Furthermore, Suzaku also meets these requirements and no one is pairing him with Kallen (for the record, I find this ship interesting; but I don't think it works in the context of the series either).

My point is that just because two people are contemporary, attractive and (more or less) doing the same job doesn't mean that they are each other's ideal partner or that love will arise between them. Love is a spontaneous and free thing, which brings me to my next point…

3. Gino and Kallen have no romantic attraction for each other or sexual tension. The biggest "evidence" there is in favor of this ship and surely what started this nonsense was a comment Gino makes in episode 9. But, far from demonstrating a romantic interest or sexual attraction for Kallen, it shows that the fandom has problems of reading comprehension. Let's see, read the comment: "Anya: This is the ace of the Black Knights. The pilot of the Guren. Gino: Yes, the one from before. She is much prettier than the wanted poster of her. "That's my kind of woman!" What does this tell us? 1. That Gino recognizes that Kallen is pretty. 2. That the type of women Gino is attracted to are pretty. There is a big difference between "I like women like you" and "I like you." Just because you appreciate a person's beauty doesn't automatically mean that you like him, that is orthodox and childish thinking (this makes me think of men with fragile masculinity who refuse to admit that another man seems handsome to them because they think they would look like homosexuals and they have been made to believe that masculinity and homosexuality don't go together). Even more important is Kallen's reaction, when he makes the comment: she just turns away. She doesn't smile or blush. Zero interest.

This is very different from what happens between Lelouch and Kallen. She does react to Lelouch's comments, no matter how minor they may be. Like this double entender in episode 5. "Kallen: Are you talking like Zero or Lelouch right now? Lelouch: It's not like everyone knows about our relationship, right? Kallen * blushes *: Stop saying weird things like that, okay?"

Just a few days ago I read a phrase on Twitter (or X) that said that the moment preceding the kiss was even more valuable than the kiss itself. That's where you find the so-called sexual tension and Lelouch and Kallen had two moments like that. Three, if you want to tell the dialogue that preceded the kiss in episode 22. I will go into more detail about the kiss and the two almost kisses of Lelouch and Kallen the day I'm going to talk about those things from theory. In fact, I don't want to stop to examine the romantic relationship between Lelouch and Kallen like I said.

Gino and Kallen never flirted or had intimate moments. At most, they only poked each other in the last Picture Drama, but it was a display of friendly rivalry. No other thing. Pretending that that never happened, there is one moment in particular that I want us to review, as I consider it crucial to explain why this ship doesn't work:

4. Gino didn't accept Kallen because of who she is. At some point in episode 17, Gino is looking for Suzaku and went to visit Kallen in her cell believing he was there. Instead of leaving, he shows her the photo album he was originally going to show Suzaku and they start talking about him (did I tell you that it makes more sense that Gino would be more romantically interested in Suzaku than in Kallen? I'll tell you again, so). The conversation changes and Gino starts talking about Kallen.

"Gino: I understand that you are half Britannian and half Japanese, right? If you chose the name Stadtfeld instead of Kouzuki, you could have a good life, right? Even become one of the Knights of the Round if you have such ambitions. Kallen: Is this going anywhere? Gino: What I mean is, wouldn't you like to come back to us, Kallen?" What is wrong here? That Gino doesn't understand nor is interested in understanding why Kallen chose to embrace the cause of the Japanese and the Black Knights. Instead, Gino brazenly advises her to abandon everything and join them since life is much more comfortable fighting on Britannia's side (this is the kind of flippant comment that comes from the mouth of a person who is in a position of privilege, if you ask me).

Gino doesn't realize that Kallen's motivations for fighting are tied to her principles and ideals. Therefore, this is like asking Kallen to give up who she is: an ally of justice, a patriotic woman, and a defender of freedom. This reflects a clear disinterest on Gino's part and this is a problem because you can't love someone without knowing them and accepting them for who they are.

This is in stark contrast to Lelouch. While Gino asks Kallen to turn her back on her beliefs, her values, and the people she cares about (the Japanese and her family), Lelouch prefers to push Kallen away from him rather than force her to give up her principles and her life for him because, for Lelouch, Kallen's well-being and integrity are much more important than being together. This is the true definition of love.

5. Gino and Kallen don't share principles. A couple doesn't have to be two conjoined twins. They may have different tastes, ways of thinking, preferences, interests, hobbies… If they truly love each other, they will learn to adapt to each other because one doesn't really change who they are for another person. But a couple needs to have, at least, the same values, ideals and life plans (I would add, also certain beliefs). Otherwise, it will be difficult for this relationship to prosper.

Gino is a Knight of the Round and has been an active collaborator in the conquest and colonization of independent nations. He clearly agrees with Britannia's expansionist policy. He has no problem with imperialism or colonialism. Kallen, on the other hand, belongs to the largest insurgent group fighting against Britannia and fighting in the name of freedom, justice and equality. She detests colonialism and imperialism due to her own experience, so she disagrees with expansionism. These discrepancies would prevent Gino and Kallen from having anything (that is, they wouldn't even have been friends).

Only Gino showed some empathy with Kallen, when Lelouch killed the Emperor and usurped the throne, claiming that he finally understood what it feels like to have another come to take power illegitimately and arbitrarily. However, a coup d'état is not the same as colonialism and, of course, this doesn't mean that Gino will change his principles. Only he's going to have a just reason to fight (finally). It would have been better if Gino had apologized to Kallen, but that was an act that required a great deal of effort.

Lelouch, for his part, is a rebel at heart like Kallen. He may have lied about many things, but he genuinely believes in the ideals that he has preached as Zero and Kallen welcomed them as her own because they fit her values, which are no different from Lelouch's. It's not a coincidence. There is a small parallel between the dramatic situation of the Japanese and that of Lelouch and Nunnally. They were all dispossessed of what they had, including their identity, and forced to live as strangers in their land. Therefore, Lelouch and Kallen are more compatible. Even if they hadn't met in Shijunku, sooner or later their paths would cross over their hatred of Britannia, their contempt for the empire's Social Darwinist ideology, and their desire to change the world (well, this desire would germinate in Kallen once she met to Lelouch who, in turn, would obtain it as soon as he received the Geass).

The same can be said about Lelouch's other ships, by the way. Shirley wants to be a loving wife and have a happy family, CC wants to die (at the end of the series, she is focused on living every small moment of her life to the fullest just like Jamie Foxx's character in Soul) and Suzaku wants to change.the system from within. I won't enter the swampy terrain of reviewing the ideals and values of these characters. It's not my goal.

In conclusion, Gino and Kallen don't stick with glue or tape. Lelouch is emerging as a more worthy suitor, despite everything. And, therefore, Karen-chan only has eyes for him. Kalulu is better.

PS: of course, a fanfic could correct all of these things. But I don't think it even exists and I'm focusing only on the series, too.

[lq-jikook]

Where has taehyung confirmed his relationship? Because I haven't been made aware of this and please don't say the pap walk lol

I 100% agree with you. The moment Taehyung confirms his relationship I will gladly accept it, but until then it does seem like pr but I won't bore you with those details. Taehyung is clearly apart of the lgbt community. I'm not sure why jkkrs try so hard to deny it. Also, I'm not a shipper because jungkook has pretty much set the record straight. He's not dating tae or jimin lol. I'm so curious what makes you continue to ship jkk when they hardly even interact anymore. Jungkook and jimin have straight up told yall multiple times they don't see each other or talk to each other often. Jungkook sees his friend mingyu and taehyung more often than his so called boyfriend.. its not really adding up. Jimin asking jungkook to come see him more often during face era and jungkook flat out says no. Jimin and jungkook not being able to spare an hour to go support each other at music shows or at the agust d concert when they're both in the same city. Yeah, jimin went to NY but it was for his own schedule and to film official content with jungkook. I just don't see what yall are seeing.

there's just so much going on here 😭 ngl this did make me laugh

1) the "pap" walk was the icing on the cake but if by paps you mean fans that took pictures and got autographs signed then yes i mean the pap walk. that and the numerous other times they've been seen together and the pictures that were leaked way before this. (and something cant be pr if it was never officially confirmed by their companies bc that would be a shit pr stunt if they didn't profit off of it 😭)

2) you can be part of the lgbt+ community and be in a m/f relationship 👏👏 bi people exist no one is saying taehyung is straight. there is so much biphobia in shipping/fandom spaces please get your head out of your ass!!

3)

"I'm so curious what makes you continue to ship jkk when they hardly even interact anymore. Jungkook and jimin have straight up told yall multiple times they don't see each other or talk to each other often"

im not even going to address the second half of your ask because this is SOOO outdated,,,we've heard it all before. you guys need new content

[dirkification]

I'm going to be honest I'm unsure how much faith I have in them being honest about the June thing being planned from the get go :/ it feels more like damage control or worries that they're going to get harassed if they say it wasn't. I heard that Hussie said jt was always intended in a tweet? But idk how much faith I have in their honesty either, which makes the whole thing kindaaaaa ehhh.

I get where y'all are coming from and, like I said, I haven't read the rest of the AMA, or any other announcement about things (there was one JR posted a while ago that I meant to read and then just forgot) and I stopped reading hs2 when it was first starting, so I don't know The Whole Vibe, much less this team's whole vibe.

I also don't know what they mean by "the whole time," which may have been clarified in the AMA. Is that since the epilogues were being written? Yeah, I would need a lot of proof to believe that. Since Kate and co started bashing everyone over the head with it? Maybe. Aysha had said that Hussie liked the idea of June, and I don't remember if anyone at WP said it, but fans theorized this very thing -- that Hussie had been planning it and just used the Toblerones as a way to make it known.

Which was like. God such a terrible idea if JR and the others are telling the truth (which I personally don't have a reason to doubt, again, depending on the timeline). It just does mean that WP saw the clusterfuck that was going on with June, where people were being harassed and chased out of the fandom, knew they were going to make her canon One Day, and then both gave June fans nothing (no hints in PQ unless you count everyone painting their nails in Jade's route which is weak sauce), no hints in HS2 (except John shaved his moustache), and nothing official. Meanwhile anyone who was not on the "M!Egbert is dead, long live F!Egbert" train was pointing that out, that it wasn't canon, that Hussie has made similar things canon in just as flippant of ways and no one cared about those ("all ships are canon"), and would continue to do that multiple other times this time using the Toblerones, undercutting the importance of June, and went on to hire people who made June discussions hell on earth, laying a foundation of pain and resentment more than they already were.

June was used by the some of the biggest assholes of the community to tear it apart, and, if this had been really planned, WP staff either sat back and watched this go down and enabled it, or actively poured gas on the fire. What Hussie did, by confirming June in one single tweet because someone found a candybar, was pour more gas, and if at that point they really had intended to make June canon well before tweeting, they led that trail of gasoline to a whole new fire ready to explode.

To continue that metaphor, the current HS2 team have two choices in front of them: Gas or Rock. Do you go into June shit without taking into consideration raids on John servers were happening up until at least 2021? Do you just do what you want to do with no thought of fandom and your (generalized for WP and adjacent teams) actual hand in how it all went down? Or do you grab some rocks and dirt and try to control where the fire is going to burn. Because there's going to be a fire no matter what -- it's already here -- they just have the chance to try to meaningfully control it as best they can. Something they never seemed to do back in 2019/2020

[findingschmomo]

Fic Writer Questions

@spinyfruit tagged me in this and so im actually gonna do it

1.) How many works do you have on AO3

oof. officially? 54 fics.

unofficially? (aka including my anon fics) 66 fics

I also have some orphaned works from FF that im not counting tho

2.) What’s your total AO3 count?

I'm assuming this means word count? If so: 1,192,409

3.) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I have written for:

Haikyuu

Hetalia

Hunter x Hunter

Spy x Family

Free!

Sk8

My Next Life as a Villainess

Puppet History

Deltarune

So 9.

4.) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My top 5 Kudos fics are all Haikyuu LMAO.

#Betrayal (IwaOi, Kudos: 6,349)

And All the Prince's Men (IwaOi, KageHina, Kudos: 4,219)

The Sweetest Smile (KyouHaba, IwaOi, Kudos: 3,950)

Melt Me With Your Gaze (IwaOi, Kudos: 3,264)

Anonymous Fic : ) (Kudos: 3,155)

The Best I Ever Had (IwaOi, Kudos: 2,450)

5.) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Okay i'm only counting fics that have endings, and are not anonymous. But honestly? I dont write many angsty endings. Don't get me wrong, i go hard on angst, but my endings are usually fairly happy.

I guess it would have to be Out of the Oven and Into the Fire (RusAm ABO). But even then, it's the third story in a four part series. But this one deffo ends sad.

6.) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Like ALL of my stories lmao. Or the vast majority. I feel like counting the oneshots that are just fluff to begin with is cheating. I guess I'd go with Courting Disaster because it has a very fluff ending.

7.) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I HAVE ONLY EVER WRITTEN ONE CROSSOVER. AND IT WAS A SECRET SANTA GIFT FOR MY HORRIBLE GIRLFRIEND WHO REQUEST THE PROFESSOR/SPAMTON SMUT FIC.

PuppetRune: Cursed Route

8.) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write....a LOT of smut. Basically all of it is explicit m/m. I've written a lot of ABOverse stuff too now. Most of my anon fics are just porn I am uncomfy having tied to my name x)

9.) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I typically don't. I have this weird worry that ppl might percieve it as me inflating my comment number? I only respond if someone is asking a question or I recognize the username and wanna say hi.

10.) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

oh hunny. i've gotten death threats. I literally had to get AO3 admin involve because two users were stalking my one fic demanding i kill myself, my readers kill themselves and that I report myself to the police....on like every chapter update..which meant they were subscribed (?)

ive also gotten very annoying entitled ones, demanding i change things but idk if that's classified as hate.

but 9/10 times every comment i recieve is wonderful and lovely.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've had links to my fics posted on good reads which i HATE. but no i dont think anythings been full on stolen hopefully.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep!

#Betrayal was translated to Spanish

The Best I Ever Had was translated to Thai

Melt Me With Your Gaze was translated to Russian

13.) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes I have! All three times with @notallballs for the Sk8 fandom

Get (Un)Lucky (LanReki)

Ready when you are (LanReki)

Camera Ready (LanReki)

It was a really fun experience to do!

14.) What’s your all time favorite ship?

TOUGH. I'll always be a ho for IwaOi. But RusAme owned my high school years and has made a startling comeback.

15.) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but you don’t think you ever will?

Honestly, probably Apart from the Pack (UshiIwaOi). I love that fic. I love the world building i was able to create and explore. I have an idea for an ending, but I just can't really bring myself to write Haikyuu rn :////

16.) What are your writing strengths?

My favorite thing in the world is to write dialogue. I LOVE IT. ITS MY PASSION. And not to toot my own horn, but i think I'm fairly good at it.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Honestly probably grammar lmao. Like, the really nitpicky stuff. I also think I could get better at writing descriptions of things.

18.) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I've done it. I've gone back and forth on it. I mostly don't, except for fics like My Salvation (RusAme) where the whole point is the existence of a language barrier.

19.) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

WARRIOR CATS

IT WAS A CRACK FIC AND I AM STILL ASHAMED

20.) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

OOF! I love so many of them. Let me at least do top 3.

Bridge the Gap (UshiIwaOi) will always be special to me. I pour my entire heart and soul into that. It's not as popular as all my other Haikyuu fics (because of the pairing lol) but I really do think its my best work.

A Human Invention (RusAme) is also special to me. It's my most ambitious work imo, because each update required SO MUCH RESEARCH. And I just really loved being able to play with heavy themes and philosophize on the nature of existence. If only I could just write the last god damn chapter

Now, here's a curveball: A Challenge (Keith/Geordo) My one and only My Next Life as a Villainess fic. I think it's one of my best oneshot porn fics. I had SO much fun writing it even though no one read it lmao.

Idk who to tag so i'm just gonna not. this already took wayyyy too long to do. but it was fun!

[beevean]

What I furthermore find annoying about the current shipping mentality is that characters are not even allowed to stand near each other's vicinity without it immediately being taken as them being shipped and thus the ship being Totally Canon. God forbid they talk. Even more if they do anything the franchise is known for, like shaking/holding hands, bridal carries, stuff like that. Even more if it is a queer ship but again, it's Tumblr, so. Like, I fully understand that seeing your two favourite characters interact is amazing if you ship them!! But I personally always keep in mind that Sega will never let anything be truly canon except maybe some Sonamy here and there, so the two characters interacting in a positive way legit only means they are friends in the comic and nothing more. It'll never go anywhere ship-wise, and honestly? I greatly prefer it that way. The fandom is already tearing itself apart every other day, if one ship got actually canon with Sega's clear approval I think the carnage might just make the internet implode.

Sometimes posts cross my dash that boil down to "you should learn to stop expecting your ships to be canon, stop harassing writers to force your ships in canon, it's okay to simply ship for fun"

and i'm here like

you guys actually expect the game you play with your dolls to become official? Written by someone else?? But why???

I don't even speak from a "canon is stupid and I can do so much better" perspective, but no, I want to have my fun! (then again I mostly engage with dead/finished media so I don't have many expectations anyway...)

Incidentally it's why I don't understand the criticism against Boom Sonamy that "it was never going to become canon anyway". Yeah, I know. I didn't really care personally lmao. I never expected them to kiss or anything, I sort of... imagined that those two were dating off screen, and that was enough for me. Dunno, it's just how I see it.

Anyway, you're right. Sonic is not the kind of series that focuses on romantic love. Look, they tried with Sonelise, and we all know what the reception was. Archie was a completely different beast, and that may have shaped the mentality of some fans :P

Personally I'm like... going apeshit over two characters holding hands depends on the context and also on how popular the ship is. I doubt Sonadow fans are so starved that they'd cling onto "bedroom eyes" that are actually Sonic being the smuggest piece of shit :V hell Sonamy has plenty, plenty of canonical food to eat, you don't need to be like "holy shit Sonic carried her!!". You're also right that Sonic as a character seems to be comfortable with hand touching, so coming from him it doesn't immediately mean he has a crush or anything.

I guess my point is, shipping is supposed to be a fun pasttime. You're smacking dolls together, and it's undeniably a very entertaining game considering its wide appeal, but that's it. It's not representation, canon doesn't automatically elevate it, and you're allowed to dislike a ship for any reason but for god's sake do not judge other people for it.

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

WIP Game - I'm terrible at just picking ONE, so could I have 'To eat that burning heart out of his hand' and 'I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you' please and thank you! :D

To eat that burning heart out of his hand - this is a current WIP that came from the @marvelrarepairbingo2022's Halloween adoptable prompt 5. Weird neighbor has a secret

It is Stephen Strange/Kaecilius. Anyone who knows me, who knows the twisted Easter Eggy way my brain works will understand that this fic will be full of so many ridiculous fandom-y Easter Eggs. But I don't want to say too much about it because it would give away too much of the secret and the fun. Here's a snippet, though, when Stephen first sees his new neighbor (Kaecilius) before they officially meet:

Life at The Langham went on.  Some neighbors moved out while others remained the same, and in the place of those who left were new faces and names to learn in passing at the mailboxes. 

The apartment next door to Stephen remained empty for almost a year before someone new moved in.  For the longest time, the surgeon believed he would be the youngest tenant on the floor until he was as old as the old people were, and they were long gone.  Then one day, he noticed that incredibly posh leather couches and chairs were being moved in from the service elevator along with dozens of boxes labeled ‘books’.  That had been all he caught when he’d returned from his morning run, and later on his way out to work, Stephen spied the new neighbor standing just outside his door, signing off on the delivery, and while there was no doubt that he’d already paid in full for it – as one did for moving – the impeccably dressed gent handed an envelope over to the mover in charge with what was very likely a handsome tip. 

The newcomer was handsome with lips that pouted naturally and eyes like dravite under the sun.  While Stephen locked up, he caught the hint of a foreign accent, but he couldn’t place it; it sounded melodic, though, and he figured he’d forget it as soon as he left the building for the hospital.  It was on the tip of his tongue to walk over long enough for an introduction, which would include a warning to watch out for their neighborly yenta, but when their eyes met, they merely exchanged polite nods before the new neighbor stepped into his apartment, and Stephen booked it for the elevator. 

If nothing else, with or without warning, at least, Stephen wouldn’t be the only target for attempts at matchmaking. 

Perhaps they could eventually form a battle line to protect each other from Mrs. Weinberg’s well-meaning assaults. 

I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you - This was from a prompt given to me by @chaotic-hypnotic-erotic a while back, 44. “This is a totally inappropriate soundtrack.” The pair I was requested was Emma Frost and Phil Coulson. I'm choosing not to write this as a ship but an association built on mutual trust and respect. The title is from "Helter Skelter" by the Beatles.

It's set during WandaVision. Coulson's obviously alive, and he seeks Emma's help where Darcy Lewis, Jimmy Woo, and even Monica Rambeau are having trouble getting through to Wanda. (I thought it would be good to let Emma in to slap around Wanda's mind a bit - that's a bit of a comic grudge, given in the comics, Wanda was responsible for nearly wiping out all mutants at one time.) Oh yeah, and there are Easter Eggy things in this, too, especially if you're familiar with Mad Men.

Snippet:

Asphalt cut into the knees of her pantyhose, just barely scraping her skin through the tears.

Emma hated pantyhose.

Emma didn't own pantyhose.

"I'd ask why you didn't warn me about that first step, Agent Coulson, but something tells me that your LMD mind will already have some sort of logical quip at the ready," Emma said as she turned and sat down where she'd landed. She shaded her eyes as she surveyed her surroundings.

Westview was a dreadful little town, but considering that it didn't truly exist – not really, not even as an unincorporated hamlet, what Emma could really conclude is that Wanda Maximoff's mind was a dreadfully dull place if this was all she could conjure for herself in whatever mental state she was in.

"Well, now I feel hurt, Ms. Frost. I even prepared the very best of quips for a queen, and you don't even want to hear them," Agent Phillip J. Coulson, former Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., now an LMD and still having A.I. about it, that is Angst Immeasurable, retorted as he walked over and offered his hand to the telepath.

Emma set her hand into Agent Coulson's and allowed him to lifted her to her feet, finding that this new adaptation of him was considerably stronger than the original, though she had always been fond of the Coulson Prime. Once steady on her feet, Emma brushed her soft hands over the back of her clothes and then paused when the style of herself caught her by surprise.

"Thank you, Agent Coulson, for the help, but perhaps you can tell me why I'm dressed like…I belong on that show that attempted to both romanticize and satirize the Sixites?"

They both stared at Emma's sleeveless white dress with pleated skirt, black dots on the right side of the chest, a gold ring belt around her waist, and a black and white kerchief knotted around her neck. Halfway up her forearms were white see-through gloves, and she wore white heels. Emma opened up the black handbag she carried and found the compact she suspected to be there, taking note of her golden hair shorter than she'd worn it for some time, parted at one side and flounced back in gentle curls.

WIP Game

[pogued]

Do you think there's any bit of a chance that Pate may not continue jiara's "relationship" romantically in season four? Because there are a lot of happy shippers, sure. But there also seems to be quite the number of people who are disgusted in how this ship was given regardless of the amount rudy and madison both received of bullying who are tagging, posting or messaging the official instagram account. Not to mention how blatantly obvious both madison and rudy take the length of being as far apart as camera shot possible. Chase and Madelynn stand closer than they do some times and they were the actual real life couple...I keep hoping that they might change it. With that time skip thing I heard about happening at the end there would be ample time for jiara's relationship to of not worked out that way. I love jjpope, and would be thrilled for them to be official endgame (regardless they are to me) but for me it's the bullying aspect that comes attached with jj and kiara and how its just being chose over the sake of decency. Just takes me back to how adults handled bullies in my school growing up. Which is not at all. So it strikes a nerve pretty badly that its overlooked in yet another form of it.

I don't think they're gonna split them up come the start of the new season, no. especially because those shippers didn't get the material they wanted at the end of s3 and understandably, canonizing a pairing three years "in waiting" and then jumping 18 months into the future immediately after is the absolute worst thing to do to a fan base (I have to laugh). imagine if they are broken up at the season 4 opening though.. we would have to endure their angsty reunion probably cause they fucked it up so bad the first time they'd be like take 86 ok lets try again and rudy, this time pls look more into it ACTION! 📢 and I would have to go put my head in a blender but let's not get too ahead of ourselves I'm living a nightmare already.

but listen I come from the riverdale fandom so this is like deja vu for me and the second time I'm dealing with my ship being ripped apart and flushed down the toilet because the writers were bullied by fans on twitter, AND the actors having to deal with creepy irl shippers despite my ship's cast members being in a relationship with EACH OTHER. that behavior was rewarded and it was all with the intention of gaining viewers of course. nothing is sacred in television anymore because all they care about is figuring out the best ways to fill their pockets, not telling a good story. this is by no means shocking to me but to say I'm fed up is an understatement.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Depressive Episodes

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: Viktor has gotten depressive episodes his entire life, but he was kind of hoping that they'd go away after the medication was flushed from his system. Unfortunately for him, luck has never been on his side. Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts, mentions of character death, mentions of transphobia, dysphoria, and self-harm Word Count: 10,598 Ship(s): Sissy Cooper/Viktor Hargreeves (past), Viktor Hargreeves & Everyone

Archive link!

A/N: So I have become rather unhealthily attached to one (1) Viktor Hargreeves, which of course means that he's going to suffer. I based Viktor's depression and anxiety off of my own. I only have depressive episodes instead of just constant depression, so that's why he's okay for the majority of the time and feels a little bit better when being taken care of. I also want to put a small disclaimer here, I'm not a trans man (I'm AFAB genderfluid) so I don't know what it's like to transition myself even if I have done some research. I hope that you guys enjoy this! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Some part of him had been in denial about it, which is why it had been able to sneak up on him like this. The third apocalypse finally being averted meant that all five of his surviving siblings split off to go do their own thing, and he was left alone after discovering that he had powers, falling in love with a mother and her son, losing them both, gaining his siblings a couple of times, discovering that he was transgender, and then losing his powers. 

After getting dumped in the new world and abandoned by his siblings, who all had their own problems to deal with, he stayed in a shelter for a while. It wasn’t long after that that he found out that, most likely by accident, his apartment was still exactly where it had been in the other timeline. He was able to return back home and even had some of his old students. He lost about half of them when he had to come out, which meant that he had to get another job to keep up with his apartment and bills. He ended up getting a job as a supplementary music tutor at a school nearby where he worked one-on-one with students that were either struggling or had a solo in their upcoming concerts. Before he had officially gotten the job, he splurged away his grocery money for the month to get his name legally changed to Viktor Skripka (in this new timeline he couldn't really get away with the last name Hargreeves). He had a good rapport with the students who thought that he was fun, and even more with the queer students who flocked to him like ducklings. They had been his biggest supporters, something that got him up and out of bed everyday to take care of himself despite how overwhelming it felt to go back to a normal life after everything that had happened. He still remembered how proud the little LGBT support club he was now supervising had been when they asked him to participate in the monthly check-in and he admitted that he had started T and was working on a date for top surgery. He was going to therapy again, like he had when he first got out of the house back at the tender age of eighteen. This time the main focus was his gender instead of his mental health, which was probably another factor in him missing all of the signs. 

He had his music, students that loved him, colleagues that legally could not misgender him without getting in trouble (along with a couple of allies), an apartment that felt like a hug from the good parts of the past, and he was taking huge strides with his transition. The world was finally looking up for him. So, of course that was when things finally started to go South.

He had always struggled with anxiety and depression, though the latter had been severely lessened after he stopped taking the numbing medication in their original timeline. Viktor still had moments when he felt hollow and as if his very bones were exhausted, but he was generally able to shake it away with a small nap or good food with the choir teacher he had become quite close to during the school year. The anxiety attacks before his first day of work and before each doctor's appointment were harder to manage now that he no longer had the medication to fall back on. He was able to study some tips on how to deal with anxiety while also talking with his therapist since a lot of his worries wrapped around his newfound identity.

Then the end of the school year came. He had a couple of sessions scheduled with his students later in the Summer, but he was mostly left to his own devices. He had rehearsals with his orchestra every Sunday and a few miscellaneous plans with Delphi, the choir teacher, and her spouses at the end of June to celebrate pride month. Other than that, he was completely left to his own devices. He had saved up enough money over the school year that he didn't have to get another job to keep himself afloat in between his Summer tutoring sessions.

That resulted in him holing himself up in his apartment and hitting the biggest pit that he had since he moved out of the Academy to be shipped of to Reginald’s choice of college. It was really beginning to hit him just how much had happened in the last little while. The mourning that he had never gotten to do for both of his failed relationships and the death of his son-figure and girlfriend finally hit him like a train.

It felt like his heart was being torn into tiny pieces inside of him, scattering throughout his body so every fiber of his being seized like it was pain. He ached with the need to have them back in his arms. He was almost willing to give up his gender identity just to have Harlan, little Harlan that he had met when his mother hit Viktor with a car, playing in the next room while he and Sissy danced around each other in the kitchen. Carl had been gone so often that it almost felt like they were a little family themselves. It was something Viktor had wanted for so long, his entire life, that when he got it taken away from him he didn't realize just how much it would hurt.

He spent the first couple days of his pit sobbing relentlessly. He didn't ever remember being able to cry this much. It seemed like every time he saw something that reminded him of either one of them, which was often since he had gotten quite a few sixties inspired dishes since he settled back into normal life, he would burst into tears. The sobs would shake through his small frame like his power once had. They would leave him feeling absolutely destroyed with nothing to fill the hollow void in his chest but the deepest, ugliest despair. Viktor had gotten sinus and dehydration headaches so bad that he thought he was actually deathly ill. He hadn't been able to stomach the idea of eating anything the entire time that he had been in that mourning place. Despite what he had seen from other people when they were in mourning, he had never felt angry. He felt resentment towards Carl that his last few days with Sissy hadn't been spent happily under the covers of her bed or even in the hot Dallas air on the farm, but not once did he feel angry. He didn't blame Allison for killing Harlan, especially when that wasn't how he had died in this timeline. He wasn't angry at Five for dropping them in the wrong city and wrong time. He wasn't mad at Luther for showing up and sparking off the whole race to stop the end of the world again. He wasn't angry.

He was tired. 

After the crying finally stopped, he was just exhausted. The hollow aching in the pit of his stomach had increased tenfold to the point where it felt like every nerve of his body was on fire. The only thing that helped soothe the pain at all was the gentle pressure of the blankets that he had bought for his bed during the winter. He had hiked up the AC despite what it would do to his bills and then curled underneath the nest of comfort he had created for himself. He didn't sleep for the first couple of hours that he was within the cocoon, just stared up at the ceiling or towards the door with vacant eyes. He wasn't really seeing anything that he was looking at, he just pointed his head in a direction and left it there. 

He had started shaking at some point and then realized how long he had gone without taking care of himself. He turned off his air conditioning and lugged himself to the bathroom. By luck alone he had dug himself out of bed just in time to take his most recent shot of testosterone and go to his therapy appointment. They didn't have to talk about a lot since he was handling the transition part of his life really well. He didn't even bother to tell his therapist about the spiral that he had been in the last couple of days. He had no way to explain to her that he had fallen in love with a married woman and basically adopted her eight-year-old back in the 60s and then royally fucked up their life but not in this timeline. He wasn't even sure that they had known him in this timeline, but it was probably for the best that they didn't.

At some point on his journey down the hole of numbness, a voice had begun speaking to him in the back of his mind. It was something unlike he had had in a long time. He had left the voice after getting his powers and even though he had lost them again it still hadn't come back until now. It reminded him of all the horrible times in his childhood when his siblings had let him know just how deeply they didn't care about or want him around again. The apathy at his plight was almost worse than the outward annoyance he was normally faced with. 

The voice told him lots of things that he was used to. About how he would never be truly loved, how he was completely useless and replaceable. The newest one was informing him that he had managed to turn everyone that might have had the chance at actually loving him against him. He had turned out to be too weak for Leonard, not strong enough for Sissy, too strong for Harlan, and too selfish for his siblings. Everything he had done in those two months when they had been trying to save the world three times over resulted in them all hating him. In the first one he hadn't even realized that he was going to be the one ending the world. He had just been scared and then it was like something had possessed him from his subconscious. A white hot thrumming of rage in his chest that had led him to destroy a version of their mother, Pogo, and their childhood home. In the second timeline he had just gone along with everything that they wanted him to until he made the selfish decision to try and run away with Sissy to the future. That had resulted in him almost blowing up the FBI headquarters and starting WWIII, as he had been informed by Five. Then in that same timeline he had managed to pass on his powers which got the attention of the entire commission and had gotten them all temporarily killed. In the third apocalypse, he had tried to make a deal with Marcus from the Sparrow Academy before he was eaten by the anomaly that he had technically created by passing on his powers to Harlan. Every single issue that his siblings had to face was directly or indirectly caused by his own actions. They hated him, and they were completely valid in that hate.

He found a small bit of comfort remembering how Luther had wanted to set up a party for him when he came out to show that he was loved, and how he had asked Viktor to be his best man. That feeling was quickly squashed as the devil in his mind reminded him that his brother hadn't reached out at all over the year they had been living in the new timeline despite finding his wife only a month after their arrival. He remembered the way that Diego had screamed at him over the phone when he finally got his hands on the book that Viktor had written back in the original timeline. Even though that now seemed like a lifetime ago, it still felt like a brand new wound that shot pain throughout his body. He remembered all of the false apologies Allison had given him, the false reassurances that she loved him and nothing could change that. She hadn't even talked to him anywhere outside of a group setting since they had gotten placed in this new timeline despite every wrong he had done being rectified. Allison's betrayal hurt most of all, above Five, Klaus, and Ben not reaching out to him. Even though this Ben wasn’t his Ben, the words still stung every time Viktor thought of them, to the point where they would cause tears to shine in his eyes.

That was the worst thing about the voice berating his every move and thought. It told him that this behavior was just to get someone to come and chase after him. The only thing that he wanted was for someone to pay attention to him, which is why he had gotten wrapped up with the convicted murderer and ended the world in the first place. 

His entire body ached all the time when he was awake. The internal pain was so bad that he wanted it to be external, which only caused the guilt already festering in the open wounds his siblings left to become rabid and all-consuming. He longed for the ache in his head from crying too long, and the cramping hurt in his stomach from lack of food. He longed for the feeling of his slightly too long nails to be biting into his fingers, right under the callouses from his violin. 

Viktor still tried his best to function like he was supposed to, he just left little things out of his routine. He would drink half a glass of water every morning before trying to burn his skin off in the shower. He would go to the shop everyday and then come back to give his one-on-one lessons with the students that had remained from the other timeline. He would eat the absolute bare minimum that he could choke down since he had no appetite. Then he would practice until the calluses on his fingers felt like they were raw and bleeding, and the bruise on his neck looked like he had been punched by Luther post-simian hybridization. He went to the couple of shows that his students had invited him to, cheering them on as they showed off how much better they had become than him at that age. He was proud that they had the support he never did as a child, but at the same time it left him in a horrific spiral of self-pity that led to guilt at daring to feel anything but resentment about himself, which left to more self-pity until the only thing that he felt was raw hurt.

Eventually he locked himself away in his apartment to just be alone. He didn't have lessons for the rest of the month, his orchestra was on their break, and none of his plans were for at least a week. The isolation turned him into someone that he thought he had left long in the past with his medication and tendency to fall into abusive relationships.

He had almost stopped eating entirely now. He spent more than his fair time in the shower, making the pain he felt inside finally spring to the outside. It caused more of the horrible screaming sobs that lived deep in his heart, where Sissy and Harlan were buried, to erupt from him into the crowded noise of the bathroom. He barely remembered to take his binder off when he went to bed because his skin felt so unlike his own that he thought he might have been placed into someone else's body entirely. It was like a thousand bugs were living just underneath the surface, like he was stretched across too much and too little at the same time, like he was watching someone else move his arms and legs.

He spent a lot of time staring, and even more time sleeping. Sleep was the only time that he got a reprieve from the voice in his head and the hurt living where his soul was supposed to be. He felt tired all the time, and sleeping was the blissful siren call at all hours of the day. He was able to dream that he was living back in the 60s, in the perfect version of his body, with Sissy and Harlan thriving on their farm. His siblings were happy and visited him every now and again, just like he had wished when he first moved away from the Academy. It was like every time his brain began to drift into that soft place he had found Nirvana, and he longed to stay there forever.

---

Viktor startled awake when he heard an unfamiliar sound ringing through his apartment. He tossed himself the opposite direction so that he was no longer huddled around the wall but facing towards his nightstand. He reached his hand out so that he was grasping for his phone, which he stared at blearily for a moment. He then realized that someone was calling him and swiped so that he accepted the call. "'lo?" he asked, his voice low and gruff because he had just woken up and the testosterone shots were already doing their magic.

"Viktor?" 

He blinked a few times. "Who?"

"Pretty sure you should recognize that name seeing as you chose it," the person on the other end responded. 

He whimpered and rolled over in his bed again so that the mess of sheets and blankets is covering a bit more of him. "Delphi?"

"Guess again, but I should warn you that it's three strikes and you're out," they chuckled.

"Klaus?" Viktor then asked as he sat up on the bed. He glanced around his dark room like that would give him any information about why his brother was suddenly calling him out of the blue. 

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner," he made fake cheering sounds. Viktor realized that something was truly wrong with him when his brother's antics failed to make him crack even a small smile. Back when he had been on a the medication, his emotions had been muted but he was still receptive to his brother's jokes. "Now tell me about this Delphi person," the other man began.

Viktor didn't have to even come up with an excuse to avoid doing so as he could hear arguing a little ways away from the phone before a new voice spoke into it. "Hey Viktor, we just wanted to know where you were. This whole thing is kind of a check up on us all so you do need to attend. We even got Ben here!"

"Hi Sloane," he let his shoulders fall a little bit. When he had heard a female lilt to the digitized voice he had been worried that it was Allison. He loved his sister just as much as he loved his brothers, but the only time she had spoken to him back before they came to this new world she had been yelling at him. They hadn't spoken much at Luther and Sloane's real wedding and hadn't been visiting Diego and Lila at the same time after Chrysanthemum's birth. "Uh, I didn't think that the sibling power check up thing was this week. Isn't it on the twenty fourth?"

"It is the twenty fourth," Sloane replied, her voice taking on a worried tone. "Viktor, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Viktor tried to scramble out of his bed so that he could start getting ready, but the blankets were so tangled around him that they sent him flying off of the side and onto the hard wooden floor. He let out a grunt of pain as an old wound on his hip from their fight with the Sparrows at the beginning of the third apocalypse sent an ache of pain through his nerves.

"Are you sure? What was that?" Sloane asked immediately upon hearing the noise.

"I just ran into something, no big deal," he replied a little too quickly. "Sorry that I messed up the days. School and tutoring have only been out for a little while so I was trying to catch up on some sleep and personal practice and I guess I just lost track of the time. Give me like twenty minutes and I'll be there. I'm so sorry, again."

Sloane was quiet for a moment and Viktor could hear someone, probably Luther, talking to her. He couldn't make out the words but both voices sounded really worried. The ex-superpowered man focused on trying to kick away his blankets so that he could get up and get ready for the day. Ben's words from his first big blow-up with Allison were ringing through his head as he scrambled to find some suitable clothes that would hide his mental state. 

Were you waiting for someone to come chasing after you? Pathetic.

"Well, here's the thing, we were worried about you so Diego and Allison are already headed to your place," the woman admitted when she finally returned back to talking to her brother-in-law.

"Huh? I just slept in," he tried to keep the anxiety and panic out of his voice. He had been so low on energy since the Summer had started that the only thing making him move as quickly as he was and actually have a conversation was the adrenaline flushing through his veins. "Really, you can text them and tell them that they can go back. I just need to get ready and catch a cab over to the park. It won't take me that long."

"I'm sure that they'd love to come over with you. That way you can save a little bit on transport. See you soon!" Sloane ended the call, leaving Viktor standing there with his heart thrumming up in his ears.

It was like a huge bucket of ice water had been dumped over him. He hadn't gotten that feeling since Harold had tried to lock Viktor in his cabin, or Carl had driven them up to the farm and threatened him. "Shit, shit, shit, shit," he muttered to himself as he scrambled to try and get ready before Allison and Diego arrived at his apartment. He stumbled to the bathroom where he was able to strip off his sleep-sweat soaked clothes and turn on the shower. He didn't even wait for the water to heat up like he normally did, to feel something at all, before he got underneath the pelting droplets. He washed himself in record time before he was out and tugging on the cleanest clothes he could find. He settled for an oversized t-shirt, despite having his binder securely fastened over his bruised chest, and a pair of jeans covered in little drawings and paintings from an event he did with the LGBT club he oversaw at his school. 

Viktor had just finished putting on his socks when he moved to the bathroom to check and make sure his hair wasn't too messy. His eyes drifted down to the stubbly facial hair that was beginning to grow thanks to the HRT he had been on for months now. It was splotchy and thin, which made him more dysphoric than less. He had heard other trans men rave about how exciting it had been to start growing a beard after so long wishing that they had. All Viktor could see was the person that he was desperately trying to be. The man that he wasn't quite.

He didn't know how long he had been staring at the reflection of himself, his fingers picking angry red spots into his jawline. He was shaken out of it when he heard someone banging on his door. "Shit, fuck, god damnit," he growled as he rushed back to his room. He had to throw blankets and pillows away from the disaster he had made at the side of his bed to try and find where he had lost his phone. Once he finally found it he stuffed it into his pocket and tried to get up to the door. He was scrambling to try and put the dishes from the eggs he had half finished the last time he ate out of sight when he heard his brother's voice from the other side of his door.

"Viktor, you better open up! I can still pick a lock in under a minute flat so you're not going to have any other options," Diego warned.

"Just a second!" he called back in reply as he tried stuffing the junk mail piling up on his floor in front of the mail slot in his apartment door into the drawer next to his door. He hadn't realized how messy everything had gotten when he fell into his stupor, but now that he was fueled on adrenaline and fear he had to make sure that his siblings couldn't tell either.

He turned around and scanned across his room before he saw several of the needles he used to give himself his shots still on the kitchen counter. He lunged to try and get to them, but just then the door was flung open and Diego was revealed, squatting down next to where the lock and handle had been moments before Allison pushed the now unlocked door open. 

He stood up and took a few steps into his apartment. His face noticeably paled when he noticed all of the needles clutched in Viktor's hands. "Dude. If you got addicted to something I'm sure you can talk about it to Klaus instead of hiding from the whole family.

"No, I really just overslept," he insisted as he shoved them into the biohazard bag he brought back to the doctor every few months so the sharps could be disposed of properly.

"Overslept?" Allison asked, raising a brow at him to show her disbelief. "You've never been one to oversleep before. If I remember correctly you were the first out of all of us to get up back in the Academy."

Viktor opened and closed his mouth a couple times while he tried to find something to say. The fear that had jump started his day was beginning to wear off, leaving him with the familiar ache of exhaustion. Guilt also swirled in his empty, cramping stomach as he realized that he had forced them here out of his own stupidity. "Yeah, well, we're adults now or whatever," he tried to sound casual and ignore the way that his voice cracked when he got too emotional. He knew that starting HRT was like going through puberty all over again, but it still sucked to not just wake up with that amazing deep voice he desperately wanted.

"Hey man, are you okay? I don't ever remember your place looking this disheveled," Diego asked as he began to look around. He was doing the thing that he had back when Viktor had first moved out, checking the windows for locks (which had been installed almost immediately after he moved in) and looking over everything to make sure it was all in place. Like he was casing the apartment for a break in or checking for signs of forced entry.

"I'm fine," he replied too quickly. He looked up from where he was tugging on his boots to see his siblings give each other a quick look that he wasn't able to decipher. "School got out pretty recently and I had students to tutor so I didn't have a lot of time to clean, is all."

"School?" Allison asked. Her voice was calm and compassionate, like it had been back at Reginald's funeral in their original timeline.

"Uh, yeah," Viktor replied as he stood up. He was unable to stop the wince, even if the hiss of pain died before it could get past his teeth, when he felt the binder pressing on the rubbed raw skin. "I, uh, got a music tutoring job at a local school. I also supervise their LGBT club."

Diego reached a hand out, placing it on his shoulder. "Viktor, what's going on? You haven't been late to any of our get-togethers in the past year. And you weren't late to anything that didn't involve kidnapping or arrests in the entire time I've known you before then."

The touch made Viktor want to scream. He wanted to move away from it so that Diego was at least a room away from him. He wanted to lean into it so that his brother had both arms wrapped around him in those hugs that he missed so much. He had gotten a couple hugs from his students when they found him after their concerts, but nothing from his family. "That's not hard, there were only two," he replied, blinking at his brother. "And school kept me on a pretty tight schedule so I guess I've just been kind of forgetful since then. I was catching up on sleep and just kind of… overdid it."

Allison looked over at her brothers. She had one hip popped up and her arms folded across his chest like they were misbehaving children. She then sighed and moved so that she was shepherding them out of the door. "Come on, both of you, we have a family gathering to go to."

Both of the brothers stared at each other for a moment longer before they moved to leave. Viktor grabbed the lanyard that he now kept his keys on with his keycard into the school before they left. He made sure to re-lock his door before he walked after them. The drive to the park was completely silent, neither of his siblings even trying to make conversation with him the entire way. He let his head fall back against the headrest in the backseat, his eyes drifting shut. He could feel his own personal paradise, the inky blackness of sleep, tugging at him again. He had always liked movement, which is why his nannies had kept his baby carriage around for so much longer than the others, so that they could rock him back to sleep or take him on walks until he napped.

As soon as the car came to a halt he jerked a little bit. The anxiety was still resting just underneath the ache, waiting for its turn to make him feel like absolute shit and steal the remnants of his energy. 

Viktor shook his head as if it would help himself stay out of his mind and in the moment. He clambered out of the car and followed after his siblings who were already walking towards the others. They didn't look like they were having a fun time like he would have expected, since they all got along so much better than he did. Five was doing the thing where he flicked his hair out of his face while glowering at someone, which meant that they were having a serious conversation. Sloane had her arms wrapped around one of Luther's while he fidgeted back and forth. Klaus was dragging his hands over his beard and through his thick curls. Ben had his arms crossed firmly over his chest and a deep scowl on his face. Lila was standing next to them all with her arms over her chest, Chrysanthemum sleeping soundly next to her in the baby carrier.

Diego walked ahead of the group so that he could get back to his little family faster than Allison was going. Sloane turned around as soon as she heard him walking over, a bright grin splitting across her face when she saw Viktor. She detached herself from her husband and nearly skipped over to him. Viktor had no idea how she could be so perky all the time, it sounded absolutely exhausting. Then again, over the past few weeks everything had sounded exhausting. Sloane wrapped her arms around her shortest brother-in-law, placing her head on top of his for just a moment. Viktor went stiff as his brain tried to process what to do in this kind of a situation. He was so unused to casual affection. Sloane beamed as she pulled back, guiding him over to the group by the hand, "You made it! I was kind of worried that something had happened."

"Why? I said I just overslept," he replied, clearing his throat to try and stop the cracking.

"Well I heard a big thump and I thought maybe something had happened," she shrugged. "You're not hurt, are you?"

"No," he shook his head. He gave the rest of the family a small, awkward wave once they were all standing in their semi-circle. 

Klaus waved back at him, while Five looked him over like he was a particularly hard puzzle. Ben paid him no mind, as always. Lila gave him one of her crazed smiles that meant she liked you, according to Diego. Luther cleared his throat as soon as Allison finished meeting up with the rest of them as well. "Should we go find somewhere to sit at the picnic tables? Sloane and I made a picnic lunch so that we had something to do other than discuss our lack or powers," the tallest of the siblings grinned as he placed an arm around his wife's waist. She easily leaned into him, her smile matching the intensity of his perfectly. It made Viktor's heart clench and the ache return tenfold, he had never missed Sissy more than when he was watching someone else be happy with their partner. 

There was a murmur of agreement, ranging from adamant excitement (Klaus) and apathetic borderline whining (Ben). The group walked over to the picnic tables a few yards away from the playground. They piled onto one of them while Sloane and Luther unpacked the food that they had brought and left while everyone was getting ready. 

"Sorry for being so late, I hope I didn't ruin anything," Viktor said, trying to act as natural as possible. The sight of the food, while normally appetizing since Sloane was a great cook, was making his tight stomach roil with displeasure.

"You couldn't ruin anything," Sloane said, giving him another smile. She had become very close with all of the siblings, but she always seemed to show a special kindness to Viktor, like she knew what it was like to be the odd sibling out even if their traumas didn't align perfectly. 

The aforementioned man let out an almost deranged bark of laughter, which brought him unwanted attention from Lila and Diego. They turned and stared at him for a moment, the former's brows furrowed together so they're almost a congruent line. Allison was quick to divert the attention away from him as she asked, "So this is a check in. Has anyone noticed anything concerning their old powers or new ones? Any flashes?"

Klaus made a face and shrugged. He knocked shoulders with Ben before saying, "I've remained ghost free for the whole year, babe. And the bentacles are yet to make another appearance."

Ben shot him a glare with no real fire behind it and stole a deviled egg before Five had the chance to grab it. "Too slow, old man," he smirked.

"I will gut you like a fish, hentai," the teenage-shaped man warned, pointing his plastic fork at the other former-superhero menacingly.

"Hey, both of you stop that," Luther said before it had a chance to get any more out of hand. Sloane served Five another deviled egg to try and placate him, which worked. Despite being the only woman in the group that hadn't had a child, she seemed to be the most maternal out of the three. She also knew which foods each sibling liked best, for the most part, and so made sure that they had one serving of their favorites on their plates. 

Viktor clutched at the fork in his hand while he picked at the food he had served himself to blend in. He knew he was going to have to eat eventually, but it seemed like so much work that he didn't have in him.

"Diego still cuts himself every time he tries to make anything in the kitchen, so I haven't had a good power to try and mirror but I haven't noticed anything. Nothing from Chrys either," she reached her hand down and touched the handle part of the baby car seat when her daughter was mentioned. The little girl made a gurgling shriek when she was mentioned. Lila immediately leaned down and removed her from her carrier so that the baby was sitting on her mother’s lap and looking at all of her uncles and aunts with fascinated brown eyes.

No one else spoke up about their power returning, and the group fell quiet for a while. Five stabbed his fork down into the middle of his sandwich as he looked over his family with a quirked eyebrow, "Well, that's not the worst thing in the world. Has anyone had any difficulties? Things like the Commission showing up or possible stalking." There was again a murmur of decline that spread out around the table. They had all been able to pass pretty easily under the radar. Allison was the only one of them that was famous now, since she was still a movie star. 

The group moved on to a different topic of discussion after that. Viktor wasn't really listening as he tried to get down as much of the food on his plate as he could. It felt like he was trying to swallow rocks, especially with how heavy every bite sat in his gut. 

"Dude!" Diego snapped his fingers in front of his shortest brother's face to try and get his attention.

"Huh?" Viktor asked intelligently.

"We've been calling your name for like thirty seconds. Are you sure that you're okay?" Sloane said, reaching across the table to place a comforting hand on his wrist.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he shook off their concern. "Just tired, that's all. What was the question?"

"How have things been going for you? I heard that you got a job," Sloane repeated the question that she had asked earlier.

It took longer than he would have liked for his brain to process everything that was being said to him. His tongue felt like lead in his mouth and the sinking panic in his gut was the only emotion that got past the ever-expanding void that had replaced his heart. "Oh, yeah," he nodded. "I got a job as a supplemental music tutor at a high school near my apartment. Essentially I just meet up with small groups of students or one-on-one with them during their free periods or study hours and help them practice more. I also help the music teachers during their lessons by playing the piano or helping them pick pieces to play in upcoming concerts. I also observe the LGBT club with the choir teacher."

"Is that who Delphi is?" Klaus asked, batting his lashes at his brother as if that would get Viktor to give him more information.

"Yeah. She's just a friend," he shrugged. "She and her partners are going to be taking me to my first pride festival in two days though. I've met them before, they're pretty nice."

"Partners?" Allison asked, a small scowl flashing across her face.

Viktor nodded before he scrounged up the little bit of energy that he had to explain it. "She's got a husband, partner, and girlfriend. She calls them her spouses even though she's only married to one. They have a daughter who's about Ha- eight years old. They're pretty great, which is why I feel safe letting them take me to the festival."

"Aww, V, you could have asked me and we would have done a tour of them. We're around a lot of big cities that have some pretty great parades and festivals," Klaus commented, picking apart the roll while letting the crumbs get all over the table. "We could have even helped you look for another beautiful blond to capture your heart."

The grief that he had been battling for weeks came back and hit him full force. He dragged his face into a smile and gave his brother a weak nod. "What about, uh, what about you, Sloane? Did you find out what kind of job you wanted to do?" The aforementioned woman's face lit up as she began to explain what she and Luther had been doing since they had all seen each other. Viktor did his best to pay attention and give his normal quips, as if he wasn't feeling empty and heavy inside. 

He stayed for another hour before he checked his phone. "I should really get going. It was great to see you all," he waved at his siblings as he carefully removed himself from the bench he was sitting on. "I'll try to keep in touch more than I have been."

Klaus removed himself from the bench as well, before Viktor had the chance to leave, wrapping his little brother in a hug. He whispered into Viktor's ear as he did so, low enough that no one else was able to hear him, "Sorry for bringing up Sissy. I know how much it sucks to lose someone you love because of time travel. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will," Viktor replied on instinct, giving his brother a small pat on the back. The hug made him long for affection that he knew he didn't deserve. He had made life a living Hell for every single person sitting around the table because he didn't have any self control and didn't know how to be part of a family. He couldn't demand that they love and care for him after that. He had to distance himself from them.

Sloane was the next to get up and hug him. She tucked a sandwich into his hand after noticing how little he had eaten. "I know appetites are weird, but you need to make sure that you eat so you can make that beautiful music. I want to see you play next time your orchestra performs, please," she grinned.

"I'll try to let you know," Viktor nodded. It still felt awkward to have a family member that actually acted like a sister. Even back in their original timeline, he knew that it wasn't really normal for siblings to treat each other as they had treated one another. When he got out of the Academy and got to see families interact with each other on TV and when they came into the little bookshop he had gotten his first job in, he realized just how badly they had it. Even siblings that hated each other, the pair of twins that he had been trying to get prepared for the winter concert flashed in his mind, didn't act the way that they did towards each other. He and Allison had barely paid each other any mind when they were younger, and then their interactions afterwards had pretty much been them arguing about Viktor's choice in partners.

Luther got up and wrapped his brother up in a hug. For just a split second he felt panic shoot through his veins as he remembered the first time that Luther had hugged him. It hadn't even been a hug, it had been an attack to lock him in that horrible basement cage. He relaxed as his mind noted how much smaller the other man's body was compared to that moment. "Be safe on your way home, Viktor. Let us know when you get there?" he asked hopefully as he pulled back to look him over.

"Of course," he nodded. "I'm sorry to leave so soon, I have a lot of rehearsing to catch up on since I overslept this morning."

"Say goodbye to the baby," Lila stood up and dumped Chrysanthemum into her uncle's arms before she stalked off towards the direction of her and Diego's car.

"I- okay," he laughed a little bit. Being out of his cursed apartment and around his family was helping him feel better, and he knew that was the exact reason that he couldn't be around them anymore. Every time he began to feel happy about anything it immediately got worse. It had with Harold, Sissy, and his own gender revelation. Every time he had joy it was ripped from him just as he was beginning to settle into it. So he wasn't going to let himself feel joy anymore. "You're pretty cute," he informed the little girl as he looked down at her. One of her hands reached up and she wrapped her chubby little fingers around the closest lock of Viktor's bangs that she could reach. He hadn't had the time to cut his hair recently, so it was shaggy and hung down in his face. 

"Ow," he laughed, untangling her little hand. "That's not very nice, flower. Can't imagine how your mom feels if you managed to do that to me in the first ten seconds of our second meeting."

He forgot how wonderful it felt to interact with kids. He had loved Harlan with his whole heart and soul after he had met him properly once he had been released from the hospital. The two of them had been like two peas in a pod immediately after that, barely ever being apart from each other. The medication had stamped away a lot of his emotions, but he knew that he wouldn't have been able to feel love like that before then even without them. Harlan had been sweet, kind, compassionate, funny, and reserved all at the same time. There were so many lines of Sissy in him, and Sissy had been the absolute love of Viktor's life. There were some days that he still woke up and called for them both, like they had been there his entire life. 

Viktor let out a small sigh. He had to get out of here before he started crying again, because then he would never get his family off of his back. "I really do have to get going. It was wonderful to see you all," he gently placed Chrys back into her father's arms. He waved to his family before he turned his back on them and walked towards the front of the park. 

The walk back to his apartment was just long enough for him to have time to think and process. His brain felt like it was filled with storm clouds. They made it hard for the good thoughts to get through and made the voice telling him about how he had hurt those he loved most rung around his skull like thunderclaps. The rain supplied the tears that were constantly blurring his vision and threatening to run down his face. 

Despite his tumultuous emotions, he made it back to his apartment without incident. He didn't even realize he had gotten so close because he was so lost in his thoughts about his siblings and the lost family that he could have had. He was somehow even more exhausted coming back than he had been when he was present around his family and trying his best to hide his depression. Viktor dug his keys out of his pocket and then forced them into the lock before he could collapse into the hallway. He needed a good cry, maybe to break something, and another thirty-six hour nap. 

He ran a hand over his hair as he dumped his lanyard in the bowl next to his door, letting it close behind him. He locked it and then toed off his shoes so he'd be that much closer to getting back to sleep like he wanted. Viktor ran a hand over his face to try and stop himself from crying before he was even a foot into the apartment.

"These are really sweet," came a voice from the kitchen.

Viktor jumped and reached for his keys again. He had never had any self defense training but he had been a young woman walking around a city full of people he didn't know for most of his adult life. Then, he caught sight of his brother standing in the kitchen in front of his fridge. He had his finger underneath the large notecard Viktor's students had given him at the end of the year so that he could read it easier. "How did you get in here? I have locks on my windows, I know for a fact that my door was locked, and you can't blink anymore."

"Mr. V, thank you for helping me learn how to hold my bow in a way that didn't hurt my hands, love Marcie. Mr. V, thank you for helping me realize my gender identity, Apple really appreciates that I'm not complaining anymore, thanks again, Sea."

"Five," Viktor said as he set his lanyard back down and walked closer to the other ex-powered man. Five had grown to about the age of eighteen in between all of the time jumps and the year they spent in the new timeline. He was already about six inches taller and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. "What are you doing here?"

"Mr. V," he started to continue reading the notes.

"Five!"

The younger-older brother rolled his eyes and let the collection of notes drop back down into its place on the fridge. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit pants as he turned to look at the shorter man, "What, a worried man can't come and check in on his brother?"

Viktor crossed his arms defensively over his chest. "That's not something that you do, so tell me what you actually want."

"Believe it or not, I am actually concerned for you, Viktor," Five took a step closer to his brother. "I know what it's like to be alone for an extended period of time. Getting a family and then having to return to that solitude is hard."

"I'm fine," he said quickly.

"You're not fine. You barely ate any of the wonderful food that Sloane made and you barely engaged in any conversation. Remember, Viktor, I used to be a trained assassin. I know every little flicker in someone and what it could mean. I saw how you shut down when Klaus made a joke about Sissy, and I heard you almost bring up Harlan," Five said. "I know how hard it can be to lose people that you're close to. Please just let me help you."

"Help me with what?" he asked, leaning heavily against the counter.

"Your depression. And the PTSD you most likely have. I think that the worst thing for you is to be alone in your old apartment. I can't imagine what being cooped up in here is doing to you," Five answered.

Viktor brought his hands up to his face, scrubbing at it for a moment. "Five, I know that you didn't know me for very long in the grand scheme of things, but I don't need any help. I've had depression my entire life and it's honestly easier to deal with now that I'm not on the meds Dad used to give me. This isn't my first depressive episode and it won't be my last. I'm fine," he repeated the thing that he had been telling his family all day.

"So you know that you're depressed and yet you still haven't reached out to anyone about it?" Five asked, his brows furrowing together in confusion. "Even after all this time, I don't understand other people."

"Apparently not. I hate to break it to you, but not a lot of people want to go around throwing their mental health issues all over their family," he snorted.

"The rest of our siblings don't seem to have a problem with it. Now are you going to let me help you or not?" the taller man nearly demanded.

"Surely you have better things to do."

"I do not. Do you really think that I would waste time here if I had something better to do?" he asked, trailing his finger over the fine coating of dust that was layered all over his apartment. It had been a long while, even into the school year, since he had the energy to clean. "You take precedent over the other things I had planned to do."

"I shouldn't," Viktor almost spat. "After everything that I've done you should all hate me."

"You didn't mean to start three apocalypses, we should all be blaming Dad for that," he said dismissively. "Now come on," he grasped his brother's arm and dragged him back to the living room. Five pushed Viktor down on the couch and then gathered up the dishes that were littering his coffee table. He opened up the windows behind the couch so that there was sun and fresh air streaming into the stuffy apartment. After things were cleaned up a little, he sat down next to his brother. "Talk."

"About?" Viktor asked as he let his head roll back against the couch. He turned so that he was looking at the taller man, who was picking at stray threads on the arm of the couch.

"Anything you'd like. Your students, that friend you mentioned, your transition, Sissy and Harlan. Anything," he replied.

It was as if those words had opened up a floodgate he didn't know about. He began to babble about the month he had spent with the love of his life and the boy he had grown to think of as a son. He told Five all about the horses and cows that he had walked with Harlan to go see, and the nearly endless games of hide-and-seek that they had played in the barn. His breath hitched in his throat as he realized he was about to admit something he had barely even thought about himself, but it was going to be out in the open with or without his consent. "I… I loved them so much that I almost didn't want you to come and find me. It wasn't like my memories were hidden because I had an actual brain injury, they were hidden as a trauma response to finding out about my powers and almost killing all of you. I think some part of me didn't want you guys to come and find me. Of course, I wanted to know who I was and why I had been hit by a car after waking up in an alley. But at the same time, I was happy with Sissy and Harlan and I didn't want that to go away. And then it did. And then I found out how much I had destroyed their lives. They never got to be happy because I did something stupid. It was my fault that Harlan ran out to the lake, and then my fault that he got powers, and then my fault because I didn't bring them to the future with us. I fucked up their lives and made them absolutely miserable."

"I don't think so," Five shook his head. "I mean, if you really made their lives so miserable she wouldn't have been that in love with you. I may not have spent a lot of my life around other people that weren't trained assassins but I knew how much she cared about you."

"I miss her," Viktor felt the lump in his throat growing more and more as he thought about the two people he had loved so intensely and lost so violently. "I miss her every day. Sometimes I have dreams that we got the lives I wanted us to have, right after I got all my memories back and I thought I had taken the powers away from Harlan. Then I realize that in this universe she didn't even know I existed."

"Cherish the memories that you have with her, Viktor, and mourn her as much as you need," Five reached over and rubbed his brother's shoulder reassuringly. They were both so awkward when it came to physical affection that they weren't quite sure what to do, but it was clear the taller brother was trying his best to express his love. "If Allison gets to get away with making a deal with our father that resulted in both Luther and Klaus', albeit temporary, death, then you can be sad for as long as you need."

Viktor brought his legs up to his chest and finally let the ball of pain resting in his throat explode. He had already cried and hurt so much for them, but there was something different about mourning with someone else with you. "Everyone I love gets hurt."

"That's not true," Five replied with a small shake of his head. He glanced towards the door, something that Viktor immediately noticed.

"You can leave if you want, you don't have to stay here. It's not exactly a fun time," he let out a small laugh.

"No, it's not that. I asked someone else to meet us here. I'm not very good at… feelings," he hummed. "I knew that I would get you to open up to me but there are other members of our family that are more socially apt than I."

The smaller man hummed as he dragged the throw blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders. "I feel like shit all the time, Five. What's wrong with me?"

The retired assassin got up from the couch and wandered to his small kitchen. He was looking through the cupboard and the fridge for things that he could use to feed his brother. "You cut off all contact with the people that love and care about you. Both by circumstance and because of your mental health," he answered. "You've done it your entire life. When we were kids it was because Dad forced you to, and then Harold, and then your amnesia. This time you did it because of your own head."

"Yeah. I fuck up everything for myself and others," Viktor said, his voice dripping poison meant only for himself.

Five threw a ball of paper at the smaller man. "Shut up. Don't talk about yourself like that. We're all people that make mistakes. You just happened to make a mistake that we can fix this time."

Viktor didn't get the chance to try and argue with him as there was a knock on the door. Five walked from the kitchen to the entryway before the other man had the chance to get up. "It's about time you got here," he sassed as he almost threw open the front door.

"Hey, when you're taking care of a five-month-old you can yell all you want about punctuality but until then you gotta shut your tiny mouth," Diego said from the other side of the door. All of the siblings from the original timeline pushed past him and into Viktor's tiny apartment.

"Wow, this place looks almost exactly like it did in the original timeline," Allison commented. She then smiled upon seeing her brother sitting on the couch. He looked even smaller than he did normally because of the way that the blanket was wrapped around him, hiding the position he was in. "Hey little bro. How are you feeling?"

"Like garbage," he replied, forcing the tears off his face with his hand.

She let out a motherly click of her tongue as she walked over to him. "I'm sorry," she grasped a few tissues from the box on the table next to the couch and handed them over. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not anymore. I already told Five," he replied. He took the tissues, no matter how reluctantly, and wiped the tears and snot away properly. Klaus walked over to the other side of the couch and nearly collapsed down. He threw an arm around his brother's shoulder to bring him into a comforting cuddle.

"That's okay. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to. But you do have to put up with us being in your space. We're going to take care of you whether you like it or not," Klaus informed him with a grin.

Diego nodded as he walked in and sat down on the chair next to the couch, facing away from the kitchen where Luther was walking. Five was still rummaging around in the cupboards, but he was quickly pulled away and pushed out of the room. "Five, get out of the kitchen," Luther called. "Go to the store and pick up some bread and eggs. I'm going to make the french toast recipe that Sloane and I found the other day."

Five opened his mouth to try and argue, "I don't think we should trust you in the kitchen."

"Why? I have a wonderful wife that's been teaching me to cook since we got our apartment," Luther was still shooing the other man out of the kitchen. Five was about six inches shorter than Luther, reaching closer to Diego and Ben's height. The two continued to argue before their youngest/oldest sibling was stalking out of the apartment with a handful of bills clamped in his hand. Viktor laughed a little bit at that, feeling slightly lighter than he had before.

They sat in silence for a while as Luther rummaged around in the kitchen to try and find/clean the things that he needed. Diego then grunted and moved to stand up from his chair. "Hey V, has anyone taught you how to shave yet?"

"No, the beard is kind of new," he shook his head and ran his hand over the gruff patches of facial hair. They were only really noticeable when someone was looking for them, but they were splotchy and awkward.

"Come on. I'll show you how to shave so that you can decide what you want to do when it all comes in," Diego motioned for the other man to follow him. Viktor slowly slipped out of the hold of his siblings to follow his brother. 

He was leaving bits of the stormcloud that had taken up residency in his head every time that he took a step forward. The weight and void that had replaced his heart were being chased away the longer that he spent with his family. He felt a little bit better, as he had in the park, but the feeling was growing and growing now that he knew his family cared about him so much they had gone out of their way to help him out. He knew that this wasn't the last depressive episode that he was going to have, and the one he was having most likely wasn't going to go away because his siblings had shown up once. It was nice not to have to fight his own mind on his own, however. He had always wanted to be a part of a family, so the fact that he had one now, especially once that wasn't being forced together because of the world ending, made everything feel a bit easier.

[takaraphoenix]

Hello love! For the ask thing you reblogged for fandoms, 6 and 13! ❤️

Aw, thank you, babe! <3

6. What is a fandom you’re in that you’re embarrassed by, if any?

Oh the Percy Jackson fandom FOR SURE. I mean holy shit how does a fandom as a whole actually devolve. We'd finally moved on from the pettiest of ship wars and the cringiest of arguments and it had become a nice and peaceful place for the most part during HoO and then ever since ToA, it somehow got even worse than it was in the very beginning where Perachel v Percabeth tore the fandom apart and homophobic assholes had to harrass Percico shippers.

Now, we've reached homophobic levels of bullshit that had people harass the official artist? We're having racist bullshit harassing a real twelve year old child just for taking the role of Annabeth Chase? We got young fans being ageist and harassing older fans who founded this fandom? We have fans out there who think that their "uncle Rick" needs them to defend him from actually valid criticism, while these people practice zero critical thinking?

It's just genuinely so humiliating to see how this fandom, after a decade, has actually reached new lows. This fandom is right now worse than it ever was and that makes me, as a fandom old who's been here for over a decade, feel incredibly embarrassed.

13. Which of your fandoms is the most popular?

I don't know how to answer that to be honest?

Because if we go by the fandom, the medium itself, and how far it reaches in its whole, then I guess DC Comics. Since probably every person alive has had contact with those one way or another.

But the "fandom of the medium" is more of an umbrella, isn't it? And the real deal are the sub-fandoms beneath it. Individual character or ship fans.

By that, I think that the most popular fandom I've ever been a part of and, despite not being active in it anymore still consider myself a part of, would be the Tony Stark fandom?

I'm usually more one to latch onto rarepairs or obsess over a character who, in the fandom, has maybe one or two popular ships. But love for Tony was so wide-spread and multishipping was so popular in that.

(And no, this isn't me claiming DC is more popular than Marvel by not naming Marvel as the umbrella-fandom answer, because I never really considered myself a Marvel fan; I never read the comics and dove in the same way I did with DC. It really was all very Tony centric for me.)

Fandom Ask Game

[toloveawarlord]

ik this is late but i read your "And So They Met" series and it was really wholesome but then I came across a smut of Alara and Arthur, doesn't it feel weird to ship Alara with any of the suitors considering they've adopted/raised her since she was a child? like,, isnt it considered child grooming if they waited for her until she turned legal?

I'm gonna preface this by saying that if you're uncomfortable reading a character in different stages of their life, then just skip out on an Alara/suitor content and pretend it doesnt exist.

So its a little unclear in the And So They Met because I was just introducing her to everyone and having a little fun with each of the characters getting to be around her. But the family dynamic that Alara has solely with Comte. He is her 'father" and the rest of characters are his guests.

Its something that I had thought about from the beginning of creating Alara. Comte makes sure to draw a very clear line between who Alara considers to be her "family" and who is simply a friend of his and a resident of the mansion. I had this set up because Comte was aware from when he officially accepts Alara into the house and takes her in as his daughter, that she would one day grow up.

And when she grew up, she'd learn that they were vampires, and would likely (which she does) want to be turned into one. Which would mean that she wouldn't be able to live in the human world as deeply as she should be able to.

I also haven't finished and so they met, and it only takes place over the course of a few days.

Comte doesn't necessarily isolate her from the others in the mansion, but he does limit it. And also, they are busy with their own lives and aren't going to be around each other all day every day. Even though we as a fandom like to headcannon that they function like a family, its more like... a hotel. You could even look at it like tiny apartments and a communal living space.

So for Alara, she doesn't grow up with the characters as family members, and they don't pitch in and raise her as Comte does (save for like Sebas)

No one was "waiting for her to turn 18". The other residents have 0 interest in her outside of being nice and friendly to her when she is around. But they are not raising her/acting like family members. Alara considers them to be friends of her dad.

But all I can really say is that if you somehow find it uncomfortable to see a character at different stages of their life, then simply steer clear of that adult content. Characters can grow up and you can write them in different stages of their life. It's really all about intent. The adult characters have no interest in her as a child, nor were they waiting for her grow up so they can be with her. There is no romantic/grooming involved. Grooming is intent. It's building a relationship with a child with the intention to manipulate and abuse them, which is not what is happening in my story.

Everything that happens romantically between any of the characters (i.e. arthur or Vincent etc) is all done when Alara is a consenting adult and there is no character who is pining after her as a child.

I hope that helps you understand a little, but again, if you don't want to read her as an adult, then please just enjoy the child alara content and ignore the adult stuff.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

hey what are your expectations for the new bts album?

Hey! That's a good question. I'm a glass half-empty kind of gal (actually, I'm a glass half-full kind of gal if we're actually talking about glasses!), so don't expect a super positive answer from me, but that's probably why you've sent me this ask anyway!

I saw the leaked tracklist and was honestly super surprised, I couldn't believe it even though it seemed legit. Born Singer? Who would've thought! It seems the leaked tracklist is legit though... But in the leaked tracklist most songs appeared to be remixes or unreleased versions of existing songs, while the official tracklist for CD1 seems to only include the originals, no remixes or nothing... If the same thing happens with CD2, then only CD3 has a few demos and new content (apart from the new tracks!). If Tony Montana with Jimin is actually in it, then Proof has already surpassed my expectations (of it being a normal Best Of album).

I understand why CD 1 would be just the title tracks, but I didn't like the tracklist for CD 2 (which might still be fake!). Imo, they didn't choose the "best" BTS songs, or even the most meaningful ones. I guess they chose the ones with the most sentimental value to Army (like Moon, Stay, Her) as well as the most popular solo tracks (Euphoria, Seesaw, Ego, Persona). It's still essentially a Best Of compilation, but they had to add the unit and solo songs even though they are generally not the best BTS songs... But why is Her on the album? Because it's about Army? Isn't Tear a million times better, more popular, and more significant to the fandom? Dimple is on the album too, as well as Zero O'Clock. I mean, 00:00 I get, but why Dimple instead of Pied Pier, or say, Mic Drop? For the most part, it seems like they chose the chillest, most "pop" songs. I wonder when "hip hop" BTS will make a comeback. Personally, I would only listen to the first album, perhaps not in full, and maybe the third album too, depending on what's in it.

Proof doesn't feel at all worth the money, but none of their physical albums are worth the money to me. You can listen to all of BTS's old songs on Spotify, and they could've just released the demos for free during Festa. The three new singles could've been released together or something. It's like 80 dollars, or whatever it costs (plus maybe shipping and duties), for CDs people won't play and a few photocards and posters to add to the collection. Oh, and, obviously, for the pleasure of knowing you "supported" BTS and own their albums, even if these albums just end up collecting dust on Armys' shelves. Personally, I don't see the point.

As for my expectations regarding the new songs... They were low, but now they're lower. I did something unethical and listened to the leaked samples, and, yeah... it was very Life Goes On, and I think one LGO was already more than enough. Fans were all like "LGO was perfect because of the pandemic", but, to quote Psy, "pandemic's over, uh" and they're still releasing music like LGO (f the leaked songs are legit). Once you've crossed a line, there's no coming back... There was a leaked song called Run which sounded promising, but it's probably not that great... I imagine the songs will be in BE's style, which is not for me... Also, Yet to Come was produced by MAX, and his music is definitely not my style, so that doesn't bode well for me either. I mean, I know the songs will be nice, but will they be great? Dunno, but I know they'll grow on me, at least. Other fans might find them great though. I expect another WAB: The Eternal from them, and that's a song most fans are crazy about, but I'm not.

So, yeah, that's it! Thanks for the ask!

[shyampyari]

I'm new to the mbh fandom so I wanna ask this: are there any ships for Nakul and Sahadev apart from the canon ones. If not, can some be invented? I always find it funny how Nakul is the one who's the most handsome, but it is Arjun, the one who's practically clueless about anything romantic who has four wives in canon. (My mbh crackship is Nakul/Krishna, because both of them are officially the two hottest men in the entire epic, and I also have a tendency to ship Krishna with anyone and everyone.🤣)

I think you can either completely totally love krishna Or absolutely fucking loath him and there is no in between

Both of which, makes amazing ship dynamics dbbsbdbd

As of Sahdev

HOT TAKE but I hc him somewhere on the ace spectrum

He is that one unfuckable bitch taht will fuck you up without getting his hands dirty

(I mean that is the most friendliest possible way pls don't come at me)

He believes in 'is there anything better than pussy? Yes, a really good book 🎵🎵🎵🎵'

Another HOT TAKE BUT I hc Nakul as someone who was once in a lot of flings and now he is just dormant. Like he doesn't want love, he just wants a pretty car and expensive perfumes xbbdbbdndndnd

Yea that's what I think

[propaganda-for-poets]

Bestie pls can I have some Chameron headcanons?? I'm desperate honestly it's a problem. You don't have to btw.

bestie. of course. my old newsies mutuals may have noticed that i do this thing where i enter a fandom and suddenly i can only talk about one specific ship, yeah that ship here happens to be chameron and i am always more than happy to talk about them.

let's just do some nice happy headcannons today bc a couple days ago i wrote a fic about charlie leaving welton and i've decided i officially need a break from angst, alright

IN FACT YOU KNOW WHAT let's make them post-welton !!!!!! y'know after all the poets including neil graduate and keating never gets fired as always since that is the canon ending of the movie, nothing bad happens ever.

okay so.

charlie and cameron have been rooming together since year 1, it's kinda the end of an era that they're now both supposed to move into separate apartments and they're both really sad about it but refuse to say anything

you think this wouldn't be a problem for two people who have been dating for a year and shared a dorm since they were children, so they can easily move in together, but this is charlie and cameron communication kings so obviously they're being stubborn and aren't saying anything

and they just spend their last weeks at welton all like

"yeah yeah i wonder who's gonna help you find your stuff when you're not living with me anymore,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,cause like you won't. in a few weeks you won't."

"come on stop studying and talk to me i'm bored" "well soon you won't be able to talk to me whenever you want. because i will be in a different place. like i'll no longer be around 24/7."

"you know you better treasure these last moments you get to see me. cause after we graduate who knows when you'll see me again,,,,," "okay, charlie that's a little dramatic, you're not leaving the country-" "i'll be gone, cam, very soon. forever." "you won't be-" "i mean god knows where i'll be-"

it ends up being charlie who asked (i wrote about that here !) and so we have charlie and cameron sharing an apartment :)

both of them get into harvard because,,, that's welton boys for you of course literally the entire school makes the ivy league. cameron's literally smart as shit he can make whatever school he wants and charlie,,, well charlie has a lot of money.

i'm kidding i'm kidding, charlie's no doofus and attending welton is already a good look for any university, charlie can definitely make harvard on his own if he could survive welton but y'know being filthy rich wasn't exactly a disadvantage

charlie will always show cameron off all like "my boyfriend goes to harvard you know !!!!!!!!" and cameron's like "char,,,, so do you,,,,,,,"

but y'all don't care about who goes where i'm aware of this, let's get into the apartment shenanigans

okay, sharing a dorm for years in welton definitely had its advantages because there's none of those annoying habits of someone's you only start noticing after you're under the same roof, like leaving their clothes on the floor or playing music too loudly, they're already aware of all that stuff, they don't care anymore

they do have their own rooms now, but it doesn't matter a lot because they keep just falling asleep together on the couch.

most of the time cameron will just wake up in the middle of the night and attempt to take charlie to his room but he's learned overtime that charlie will just whine and complain until he stays with him so he ends up just taking him to his own room in the first place

slowly it becomes less "cameron's room" and more "their room", the other room just kinda stays there.

cameron is a GOD TIER cook we'e been over this but somehow they only take advantage of that skill of his on really??? questionable occasions?????

like they'll order chinese from the place down the street for dinner but if cameron wakes up to find charlie in the kitchen at 3 am munching on a piece of toast he'll be like "okay let's make some onion soup."

midnight snacks are for amateurs. here we have midnight meals.

they bake together a lot, though. whenever they find time cameron will just whip out a recipe and they'll bake something together, and they'll be very couple-y and disgusting while doing it too

of course it always resorts in them making a big mess

"charlie. charie stop putting your hands in the brownie mix."

"okay, fine."

"charlie, your hand's still in there, stop it."

"or else what, what're you gonna d- WH- DID YOU JUST THROW AN EGG AT ME WHAT THE FUCK"

then they'll have to spend the entire afternoon cleaning up the kitchen

"what're you laughing about now, dalton?"

"you have flour on your cheek."

"and whose fault is that?"

"stop being annoying, you're cute right now"

"oh yeah?"

"mhm, yeah."

cameron overworks himself a lot and a lot of times charlie will get up late at night to find him still studying

he'll always go up to him like "cam, tf. it's four in the morning. come to bed."

"i just have to get this finished."

"well, okay, i'll just stay up with you until you go to sleep."

"charlie that's not healthy you need to-,,,,,,,,,,oh you're evil, dalton, threatening me with your own well-being."

"damn right i am, now go to sleep."

okay we all know charlie. we know how he is. so it's no surprise to anyone that it didn't take long for him to bring a random stray animal into the house

cameron just comes back from class to see charlie with a tiny ginger car.

"cam, you're back-"

"nope. not happening, take it back."

"hey, it is a she, and i love her now."

"no, no you don't, she's going back."

"i can't i'm attached to her! look at her! she's adorable, she's my new favorite ginger."

",,,,,, okay now she's definitely going back."

she did not go back.

charlie named her arabella and cameron insisted she was annoying and always wanted attention and wouldn't let him study

"hey, you said the exact same things about me and you love me now, give her time!"

"i don't love you right now."

"well, i love you a lot. and i love her too, she's part of the house now."

",,,,,,,god, fine, you're lucky you're my weakness. i'll tolerate her."

one time charlie returned from class to find cameron sleeping on the couch with arabella on his lap.

he never hears the end of it once he's awake

"so, how's hating her going for you, richard?"

"shut up, she's warm."

"so you no longer despise my cat? because she's warm?"

"first of all she's our cat i don't clean cat fur all over the house for her to be your cat and,,,, she's not all that bad."

[bananzaarcade]

🕹Hello Hello!🕹

This is another @gigglemugphentermine alt and a @selfyshipzirkus new account!

..

Sup mini boppers! My name is chris,christie or murrissey and I'm just a 15 year old autistic and depressed attention deficit rat who is currently fixated on fanboy and chumchum,arcades and scene culture and I welcome you to the bananzaarcade!

This side account will be used for posting about my good amount of drawings of my ocs,oc/self insert x canon ships and fanarts of my fictional others,enjoy your stay!

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F/o list(💌 if mainly focused atm)

Mettaton ex(UT)

Chris McLean(TD)

Boog Shlizetti(FBACC)💌

The Onceler(2012 Lorax)

2d(Gorillaz)

Rosemary(Delicious Party Precure!)

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DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE A:

Bigots in general(Lgbtphobe,racist,etc)

Anti Xenos/Mogai

Cringe culture Suppoters(you guys are the reason I feel embarassed while posting about my interests:))

Terfs,Radfems,Transmeds

Fandom(Canon vs Fanmade),LGBT and Racism discourse accounts

NSFW,KINK(specially DDLG),and Age Regressors

Anti Oc/Self insert x Canon shippers and people who believe into the OC vs CC barrier

Fujo/Fudan/Himesharts

PROSHITS(BOTH PROSHIPPERS AND PROFICTION PEOPLE) AND (AC/NO)MAPS/PEARS

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Dangaronpa fans/srs

R/totaldramafanon and it members/supporters

AnimationgamingGuest and her stupid brainwashed bootlickers(don't you guys realize that she's the reason why I no longer feel safe in the popee the performer fandom,she groomed me and 5 other people!:D)

For your information:

I tend to talk and gush ALLOT about my f/os so please,if you share one with me and you are uncomfy with me doing it so,I reccomend blocking me and avoiding me at all costs

If you violate my DNI or simply makes me uncomfy I'll simply block you,no warnings

I tend to take my hyperfixations and love towards my f/os specially my current ones very seriously so please,refrain from telling me that they're "just fictional" and similiar,it's only fine to tell me that when I feel jealous towards someone who is more famous for liking the same f/o as me and about that

I have immense jealousy issues so please,make sure to calm me down during that,I can literally snap at people or even start showing self destructive behaviours from harming myself or even others,I'm so sorry

I am very emotional so please do not try to upset me or make me have a panic attack,I may be emotional but I also might end up bottling it all and leave your servers/unfollow you,you still free to talk with me and so find a solution for the problem,but,if I end up blocking you once you upset me,this simply means I don't want to talk with you at all

I tend to use the classic emotions like :), :(,:P,>:(,XD etc, since I loved using them on my computer times on roblox so yeah,I'm NOT doing this for attention

I tend to type stuff in the end with !!!!!!,?????? And words where I replace the s with z,w,and x because I think it's fun

Currently the year my mindset is at is early 2000s-late 2010s so please do not harass me over it,I seek comfort in nostalgia and allot even tho I only Joined the internet around 2015 and officially became apart of it in 2018/2019,I may have arrived right when the fun stopped but I still remember allot of things by there even as a kiddo:P

I have a au where the characters I love and their friends(ex:gorillaz & fanboy and chumchum) are all scemo cats or even cat hybrids with other animals so yeah

I know there are scums who might harass people over their characters,au and etc,since I used to be one before,if I find your comments/reblogs or even about your existence you r getting blocked!!!!

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Thank you for understanding!