#the more aware i am becoming the more i realise i can't talk to people

[kachulein]

someone: how are you these days?

me: hm, do you want a detailed version now or just a summary like "I'm fine"?

[kingconia]

POMEFIORE WHEN THEY NOTICE THAT THEIR S/O HAS SHITTY FRIENDS

Vil Schoenheit.

— It takes some time from him to realise it. Not because he is stupid or anything, but he is always so busy, spending time solely with you, and you always say good things about them, so;

— But as soon as he spots you with them on some school event, he starts to understand something is really wrong. Why would they say all these sarcastic remarks? Especially, if you seem to be uncomfortable? He is furious;

— At first, he will have a talk with you. He just needs to make sure that you understand how toxic they are, and that they are really-really wrong. If you don't see that, or for some reason agree with them, he is sad and disappointed in himself for not noticing it earlier;

— ”Ah, my sweet potato, how could you think so bad of yourself? Just look at yourself in the mirror for a minute! Look at how charming you are. How I love every part of you...”

— Starts praising you more often! He is quite reserved on the public, but he clearly tries to do something good for you. Might pull out a complements on your ear quietly, when you see each other in school;

— ”Oh, who is this pretty lady is?” ”Ah, I am sorry that I bumped in you, darling. I just couldn't tear my eyes from you...”

— Once again, as Vil is busy and aloof, he will not call your fake friends out personally. But he will make sure that some measures were taken. And that they know that their single word against you will cost them so much. Especially, if they are from Pomefiore;

— Live, laugh, Vil Schoenheit.

Rook Hunt.

— Oh, of course he knows that. Rook spends half of time hunting down objects of his interest, but most of the time his eyes glued to you. Even if you don't realise;

— He hears everything. And he sees everything, too. There is no way to fool this man;

— He is immediately furious. But Rook's rage is different from most of the people; his rage is quiet, cold, and slightly... Delirious. But no one can hurt you, physically or emotionally, and he makes sure that others will know that;

— Firstly, though, Rook needs to make sure that you are not affected by their attitude. Whatever they are shitty for—making toxic remarks about your appearance, leaving you out constantly, or something else—Rook will make everything better;

— This man is literally kissing the ground you are walking on. No insecurity under his roof! No-no. If you ask him, he surely can become your servant, even. But you don't, so he continues to adore you in his own ways;

— But that I mean writing poetry about you and declaring it publicly, so everyone would now how loved you are. Gifting you small—or not really—tokens every day. Writing little notes of what it reminded about you. Ah, he can even spoil you with food and sweets! Anything you want, really;

— And regarding your friends... He will take care of it personally. In his own ways. Which can be extreme, but don't worry! They are alive, just frightened! But at least they apologised, right?..

— ”Don't worry, ma belle catastrophe. I will always keep you safe!”

Epel Felmier.

— He is quite observant, and you spent a lot of time together, so, of course, he notices that something is really wrong;

— He can't believe his eyes, though, when he realises how your friends threat you. For him, you are the most supportive and kind person in the world, and perfectly charming. He can't understand how anyone could ignore you, let alone brush you off constantly;

— Epel fully concentrates on fixing your mental state. He knows how bad it feels, to be dawned by insecurities. And he is not a perfect speaker, but he tries really hard to explain you how he sees your situation, how bad are your friends are;

— He is aware that he is not that impressive and scary as others, which means he can't scare off your fake friends. But Epel is smarter and more cunning;

— He uses what he has to make your friends pay for what they had done to you, uwu!

— He either will make sure that Rook or Vil will do something about that—he might dislike his house and housewardens, but, hey, they are useful—or ask to help his other friends. I mean, just pulling in this Jack would be already enough, but if anything, he has these two idiots from Heartslabyul to do something with it. You will not even notice! He is with you all the time, after all;

— ”Please, never forget that you are not alone anymore, and never will be! I am here for you.”

[bridgertonbabe]

So having read the bridgerton spouse group chats by you and bridgerton family group chats by @holybatgirlz I’ve realised Benedict seems to always been one of the ones getting injured during family games night…

Does Sophie ever ban him from playing after an Injury or flat out refuse to go after she’s had all four kids and Benedict ends up back in hospital and ends up out of action for a few weeks meaning Sophie has four kids and a husband to tend to (and forces the injuring causing party to wait on him hand and foot for the duration of his Convalescence)

Also on another point… reading these makes me wanna write a family games night fic 😂😂

I feel like by the time all the spouses are married in and as they all start their families that Bridgerton game nights would become a bit calmer - only fractionally, but enough that the hospital visits aren't as frequent and the injuries sustained are far less serious. Though the Bridgertons (and Kate) remain insanely competitive to a terrifying degree, the spouses manage to limit game nights to once a year at most and then following the annual game night the spouses make it very clear how little they care for the family's version of a casual night of board/parlour games, and at the very least some of the Bridgertons take their partners feelings on board and attempt to mellow their competitiveness (kinda).

But with that being said, just because the injuries at game nights wind down, doesn't mean casualties don't occur through other competitive dumbass means...

BSSG Group Chat

Sophie: Guys I'm at the hospital.

Penelope: omg are you ok?????

Lucy: oh no what's happened?

Sophie: Ben broke his leg.

Phillip: Shit how did he manage that?

Sophie: He broke it go-karting.

Gareth:

Simon: What the ever living fuck was he doing go-karting?

Lucy: and not to be ageist - but at his age????

Phillip: The fuck is he playing at?

Gareth: i have to know

Gareth: did he go by himself?

Michael: Gareth please don't make this any more tragic for Ben or any more embarrassing for Sophie

Sophie: For your information he wasn't by himself.

Lucy: then who the hell did he go with????

Penelope: wait

Sophie: Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news

Phillip: Oh no

Simon: Please don't say it

Sophie: But it was a Bridgerton sibling day out

Michael: Oh for fuck's sake

Lucy: but greg told me he was going to spend the afternoon helping his mum pick up the flowers and decorations for penelope and eloise's baby shower on saturday!

Penelope:

Simon: As much as I can share in your dismay Lucy I can't say I'm remotely shocked to learn that Daphne and her siblings all lied about their whereabouts to hide the fact that they were having a sneaky go-karting afternoon 😑

Michael: I'm well aware I'm including my wife in this but do none of them have jobs??? Who goes go-karting on a Wednesday afternoon????

Phillip: Lets just be grateful that there was only one casualty from their go-karting escapade.

Sophie: ...

Sophie: Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news again

Simon: Sophie don't you dare

Penelope: oh god do we even want to know

Sophie: But they've all been hospitalised.

Lucy:

Michael: Why

Simon:

Michael: Why must they be like this

Gareth: just how exactly do 8 people get taken to hospital from a single go-karting afternoon?

Phillip: Soph is El ok????? I'm on my way right now

Sophie: She's ok Phil and so is the baby, she's just got a sprained wrist. She fared the best out of them all injury wise.

Penelope: El's fared the best???????

Michael:

Michael: Just what exactly is the extent of the damages we're talking here @ Sophie

Sophie: So Colin has a broken leg to match Ben's, Anthony's in a neck brace, Fran's fractured a couple of ribs, Daph's fractured her arm while Greg's broken his and has bruised his coccyx, and Hy's broken her big toe and is currently sporting an eye patch.

Penelope: COLIN'S BROKEN HIS LEG???????

Penelope: I'm 4 weeks away from giving birth wtf am I supposed to do with Limpy for a husband?!?!?!?

Lucy: ffs greg and i were supposed to be playing tennis with hermione and my brother this sunday 😤

Gareth: at least this isn't your wife:

Gareth: and soph how exactly did hy end up with an eye patch from go-karting?

Sophie: Greg shot her.

Lucy: HE DID WHAT

Simon: He shot her?????

Michael: Wow Greg shot Hy?

Michael: Honestly I would have imagined Fran snapping before Greg

Gareth: @ Sophie if you've previously failed to mention that my wife is wearing an eye patch because she's been blinded in that eye NOW WOULD BE THE TIME TO MENTION IT

Sophie: Relax she hasn't been blinded, it's just precautionary until the swelling's gone down.

Lucy: CAN WE GET BACK TO THE PART WHERE MY HUSBAND SHOT HIS SISTER

Penelope: yeah wtf is Greg doing with a gun????

Simon: And why does he have one for go-karting?!?!??!

Sophie: Ok so it was a BB gun he was using

Lucy: AND HE HAD IT BECAUSE?!?!?!?!?

Sophie: Well you're all going to love this

Sophie: They weren't just doing regular go-karting

Phillip: What

Sophie: They were doing it Mario Kart style.

Michael:

Simon: I actually can't stand them.

Gareth: not to be pedantic but they don't have guns in mario kart

Gareth: did they get it mixed up with gta coz that would make way more sense with all of the injuries they've acculumated

Lucy: are you seriously telling me they were driving go-karts around a track while shooting at each other??????

Penelope: I'm a month away from giving birth to a Bridgerton baby 🙃

Sophie: Basically they were using an assortment of items like hurling banana peels and pouring out oil on the track to make the others slip, they were throwing frisbees and balls at each other which were meant to be like shells and they had a variety of water/nerf/BB guns to take each other out that way. All of which contributed to the massive pile up that caused most of their injuries.

Michael: God almighty

Gareth: question; was hy not wearing a helmet?

Sophie: She was but she had the visor open after Eloise sprayed it over with paint which was how she ended up getting shot.

Kate: Omfg

Kate: I cannot believe this!

Sophie: It's a lot to take in I know.

Kate: I can't believe they didn't invite me!

Michael: Kate do you even care that your husband is in a neck brace?

Kate: Well that's what he fucking gets for not including me! Karma's a bitch and so is Anthony!

Simon: @ Kate

Phillip: God can you imagine what Violet's reaction to this is going to be when she finds out?

Sophie: No need to imagine she already knows.

Penelope: omfg

Gareth: damn you already told on them???

Sophie: Violet was the first person I told as soon as I heard about it all. I'm sick to death of them all acting like this and being so stupidly reckless. Not one of them even stopped to think that it might not be a good idea and now I've got to see after 4 kids with an invalid for a husband, and the rest of their injuries will come as just as great an inconvenience to all of you as well!

Sophie: So yeah I immediately went to Violet to tell on them because I want her to wipe the absolute floor with them for being so thoughtless!!!!!

Penelope:

Gareth:

Michael: You did what had to be done Soph and for that I applaud you 👏👏👏

Sophie: But that's not all, I'm also punishing Ben for being so feckless.

Kate: Oooh kinky

Sophie: Far from it. For starters when I got here Ben wanted to cuddle Vi to cheer himself up but I told him no and that he's getting no snuggles with her from now until his cast comes off.

Gareth: holy shit you're gate-keeping his own daughter from him

Lucy:

Lucy: and i love it

Michael: How quickly did he start to cry?

Sophie: Instantaneously. It was incredibly rewarding.

Sophie: And I'd encourage you all to do the same with your respective Bridgerton in whatever way you see fit.

Penelope: once Colin's home I'll keep offering him food but then just sit and eat it right in front of him 😈😈😈

Gareth: i'm going to get a toy parrot and perch it on hy's shoulder and call her patchy 🦜

Simon: I'm not even going to bother picking Daph up from the hospital. She has to learn she can't keep pulling stunts like this as a mother of four.

Simon: That and I've already started drinking to deal with this nonsense so I couldn't even if I had to.

Phillip: I'm going to make El take and stay with the twins at back to back children's parties this weekend. She'll absolutely fucking hate it.

Kate: I'm just going to laugh in Anthony's face. Probably get the kids to join in too.

Lucy: damn i'm not sure what i'm going to do with greg

Michael: I'm going to withhold sex.

Penelope: damn that's a bold move

Simon: But is that going to be more of a punishment for her or you?

Michael: Not to give you all too much of an insight but that's going to kill Fran more than you'd think it would.

Michael: But that's what she gets for going along with her fam's unhinged competitive behaviour.

Michael: No more snu snu.

Penelope: I actually think if we all withheld sex from our respective partners that they might finally learn their lesson.

Lucy: that's... actually a very valid point that could very much work

Kate: Well we don't call them sex idiots for nothing.

Michael: They're essentially a bunch of horny Tinkerbells; they need sex to live.

Simon: I truly hate that sentiment. But you're not wrong.

Michael: So are you all following my lead? It's your own choice obvs, no pressure if anyone would prefer not to.

Gareth: i'm not exactly chomping at the bit to be having snu snu with patchy

Kate: Yeah neck braces don't make for a turn on either.

Penelope: And being this pregnant I'm not really in the mood for it as it is.

Sophie: Like I'm going to have the time or energy seeing after the kids while Ben's bedridden anyway.

Lucy: fine by me

Simon: I have 0 qualms with this method of punishment.

Phillip: Same here.

Michael: Then it's no snu snu all around! Vive le resistance!

[linaharutaka]

gen question but isnt dedegoon or dedesuka or whatevr a proship? ive seen some ppl calling it a proship cuz its abusive but your bio says proship dni so idk if its ok to ship or what (sorry im new to this)

hiya! thank you for your ask! it isnt and heres why

first of all i am /Not/ proship. i am not anti-anti or whatever either. what drives me to ship them is the fact theyre friends who like to be in each other's company. i like their sweet moments together. they bond over scamming an innocent population and bullying children. they're partners in crime. theyre besties who talk shit about others as a hobby.

i also don't think theyre already dating. i look at their relationship and im like. you guys have some kind of weird crush on each other and you're also selfish assholes. they're in the world's worst situationship.

"but dedede whacks escargoon a lot!" not only does escargoon get physical towards him too (the dynamic starts shifting in the dentist episode) but his "punishments" are often for a reason. escargoon is often very mean to dedede. in almost every episode he calls him hopeless or stupid or ugly or anything like that. and that gets him a whack. if i were dedede i'd do that too! it'd piss me off! having my lackey who i pay and who i consider my best friend insult me so overtly over and over LOL. but does escargoon ever try and stop him his evil doing? hell no! the guy helps him and gives him advice and ideas! he is NOT a good guy either. he loves being mean! he literally says it!

of course escargoon cares a loy about him. pretty sure everyone is aware. i don't even need to compile all the times he runs after him or worries about his well being. one time he "left" after he realised he'd have to do all the waddle dee's chores and didn't want to do his job. guess who's shown tearing up when seeing what poor state dedede is in after being left all on his own. he's always protecting him and defending him (sometimes backhandedly) from other people. he holds dedede dear. it's obvious he does. he's an old man, he's not being manipulated into liking dedede. he genuinely cares about the guy.

there are episodes where they bicker a lot but end up getting along, episodes where they're the best of friends and episodes focused on their resentment against one another. the show kind of yoyos with their relationship. it's not really anything to take seriously. if you get offended from their interactions you'd get a heart attack from watching looney tunes. the back and forth of their dynamic is part of the fun!

I *highly* recommend watching the original version of the show as the dub often replaces sweet lines they share with jokes that don't really hit the mark. it's a shame. (however i will give the dub some credit on occasion)

Actually, i have a [post] that compiles a lot of sweet screenshots of them together. it doesnt include the times where they hold on to each other in the cannons or in the whispy woods episode or when esxargoon said "isnt this strange? can't you feel we're striving apart?" and dedede says "what! that's ridiculous!" in a lighthearted voice. or when escargoon makes a joke about a late night drive being romantic and dedede just? laughs in agreement? there's a scene where they call each other stupid in the most friendly way ever. i actually have a handy twitter of fun scenes where escargoon gets away with some things (doesn't include when escargoon yells at him in the fireworks episode or orders him in episode 69), like saying *he's* actually the one in power because dedede isn't competent enough to reign. or dedede understanding escargoon's concerns of him becoming dumber than he is already.

they're just villains who are attached to each other and are a team no matter what.

escargoon protects dedede a lot, and he cares about him more than what his job entails, but people tend to forget he's got a special place in dedede's heart too.

dedede keeps an album of pictures they took together. he never threatens to fire him and, as far as i know, never even cuts his salary and is the only one in the castle to even have a bonus. he shares the food he keeps from the waddle dees with him in episode 93. he clarifies he doesnt want knuckle joe's monsters to attack either of them. he's fine spending large amounts of money on him. twice? he never calls him ugly somehow. he even thanks him for having put up with him for so long and serving him well when the world is about to end. and then he clings unto him because he's scared of dying alone. his way of showing affection is not the "im crying because i think you're in danger" type of way that escargoon shows a lot but it's there.

Of course i don't think they're perfect gay rep. that's literally so stupid. you think im gonna look at two dumbasses who are bitter towards one another from what, a parodic, satirical children's anime from the early 2000s, and go "hmm yes this is what every queer couple should aspire to be this is peak lgbt rep"

If we're gonna talk about them how about we talk about some issues this show has that no one ever addresses. the colorism of the uv episode that is not put into question, not even by tiff, the moral compass. the rising sun imagery that is very much intentional as dedede is a caricature. the fatphobia? the fact kirby calls kawasaki and nagoya homos??? straight up???

people often blame episode 88, and yeah, it's not my favorite episode either. everyone's weird in that episode, not just dedede! yabui is far from empathetic, even the ebrums are disrespectful, and escargoon taunts dedede into chasing him for laughs and teases him about his old age. even at the end he teases him. i think it's one of those episodes that you just have to blame on the writers kinda like 89 (for example this one has got the right message but the execution is painful to watch. poor tiff.)

now, if 88 had changed their relationship it'd be a different matter. there are some sweet moments they share outside of their general "partners in crime" dynamic past episode 88 in my post actually! my favorite is the one where dedede has his arm around escargoon who's curled up like a cat while they're sleeping and the waddle dees are tucking them in from episode 91. it makes me so happy.

i could probably talk so, so much more about them. they're a huge comfort to me. however i don't trust just anyone with them. i am very much aware some people like them for the wrong reasons. but if you have a brain you can see where i'm coming from.

the show makes fun of them because they're evil, self-centered cowards. not because they're "gay" or anything like that. i saw someone call them queerbait one time and i had to log off for a minute.

anyway, to answer your question, people who do not recognize their genuine attachment to one another are bound to have a twisted view of them. i don't like dedegoon because they're "toxic" or awful to each other. but because they're each other's best friends. that's all. it's fine if you don't ship them, too. i just hope i can prove to people that they do matter to each other and that they're friends :)

[alfredsolos]

I have been impatiently waiting for a certain comic to start and it's finally here.

Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent.

Now, let me give you a short summary of it's plot: Ultraman is killing Supermans from every single multiverse one by one. And Jon Kent travels to find him and stop him.

At the beginning of issue 1, we see Ultraman killing a Superman:

We can see that he is very strong now, and will be a tough opponent.

Next panel, we see Jon and Jay walking around together and Jon is happy that his identity is secret again. (For those of you who don't know, Lex admitted that the world needed a Superman and decided to build a machine that wiped everyone's memory of the Superfamily's identity.) Jay, though, is still known as Superman's boyfriend and is a bit grumpy 'cause of that. Anyways Jon detects something that is falling from the sky and sees that it's thousands of satellites merged together. He tries to stop it with the help of Oracle:

He doesn't need to, however. Because the next moment we see Val-Zod, a Superman from Earth-2, arrive and save the day:

Val is not alone though, he brings a Red Tornado with him.

Jon takes him back to his house, along with Mister Terrific greeting them. Val explains to everyone that Ultraman is killing Supermans and they need Jon's help. Lois, however, does not want Ultraman near his son after what he did to him.

(For those of you who don't know; when Jor-El took Jon to space, Jon got sucked through a black hole and landed in Earth-3 with the Crime Syndicate. Ultraman then saw him and kidnapped him. He kept Jon inside a volcano for 6 years and abused him both physically and mentally.)

And later on, Red Tornado reveals herself to be Lois Lane from another Earth, to convince this Earth's Lois Lane:

After some convincing, they finally make a plan and track Ultraman to an unknown Earth. They also talk about other versions of Jon Kent, which most of them are 11 years old except for the DCeases version. (Which if you know this comic, it's so freaking good. Read it.)

Ultraman becomes aware of their appearance and immediately attacks them, injuring Red Tornado fatally. When he realises that Jon is his Jon, he uses the projector and teleports Val and Red Tornado to another Earth and plans to kidnap and throw Jon into a volcano again:

They have a fight, and Jon unleashes his new mysterious power which he gained during Lazarus Planet. Although he manages to injure Ultraman really good, he feels drained after using it and almost passes out:

Ultraman crawls on top of him to beat him up while saying horrible things. But before he can hurt Jon, someone stops him:

And at that moment, it's revealed that which Earth they're currently in:

It's the Injustice Universe and that Superman snaps Ultraman's neck as if he's nothing more than a toy.

(A bit information on who this Superman is: in the Injustice Universe, Joker destroys Metropolis killing millions of people and gasses Superman with fear gas. Superman doesn't know this and comes across Doomsday. He immediately attacks and kills Doomsday, but he later on realizes that he was gassed with something and it wasn't Doomsday he had just killed. It was his pregnant wife Lois. After that he goes batshit insane and ends up killing the Joker. He then decides to create his own regime and starts executing criminals. The whole JL gets divided after this. Batman's team and Superman's team. With the former trying to stop the latter from killing criminals.)

We get a pretty emotional scene where Superman immediately knows who Jon is.

And this is why I was so excited for this comic. This could be very good if the writer manages it properly. The writer also stated that we will see Injustice! Damian (who after accidentally killing Dick, takes up the Nightwing mantle and sides with Superman) and Jon together.

And I can't begin to tell you how excited I am for Superman and Jon's interaction together.

[im-a-king-baby]

Hi!

I'm done with my re-reading of ELYN, and THE line I will keep with me is this one :

“I don’t want anything from you.”

Simon pulls back to look at him. He’s applied concealer to the bags under his eyes, this close Wilhelm can see the streaks of it on his skin as he gives a weak smile. “You want the most of anyone.” Which isn’t fair and isn’t true. Except that it is. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Yeah,” Simon says. “That.”

This is sooo powerful ! The weight of the expectations of your loved one... 😭❤😭❤

And I would love to know why Simon gave Wille a key for his room... What was he expecting ?

And if it's not too much, what do you think made August get clean and turn his back to royalty ?

Again, thank you so much for this story ! ❤

Hiii, sorry this took so long. Can't believe I am expected to work a job instead of just having fanfic related feelings on tumblr all day every day. Very rude. None stars.

(if your ask is in my inbox I promise I am getting to it! If you still want to submit questions for any of the memes I reblogged, I will happily ramble all day every day so the ask box is always open <3 )

"I just want you to be happy."

(I need you all to know that doing this meme is really reinforcing the 'a first draft does not have to be perfect or even good' mantra because guess what was also not in draft 1! All of this!)

There is a side of Simon's character that I think is justified in canon which is that he doesn't like letting people down. He switches schools to support Sara, he agrees to date Marcus even though he clearly doesn't want to because Marcus asks. So this moment starts with Simon talking about how he started on coke because he didn't want to let the fans down by being exhausted. Originally there was another step in the middle where he talks about how Candace wanted him to get clean but also be the superstar (and do a documentary!) and he couldn't see a way to have both. And then that his breakthrough was hiring Joseph, and Keira and realising that having money means you can pay people to care about you in very specific ways.

Wilhelm swallows. “Sometimes people help you just because they want to.” Simon’s mouth quirks slightly off to the side, like Wilhelm’s said something amusing. “That’s what they tell you. But they always want something from you, you just don’t realise what until it’s too late.” “I don’t want anything.”

Wilhelm I think genuinely believes that he's telling the truth here, but Simon has had to become a lot more aware of how he is perceived and the expectations of him from having this very public career. Like, for all Wilhelm saying 'you can take time, the fans won't disappear if it takes you more than 2 months to make an album', Simon has also seen the fan tweets complaining when the tour skips certain cities/countries, when they have to wait for the album, when they don't release a tour vlog. (One of the big reasons he doesn't have a phone is to stop him from reading all of that because at a certain point you can't satisfy everyone and Candace is like 'this is not helping you so let's put a stop to it.')

So in this moment Wilhelm is saying 'I don't want anything' but also he wants them to be together and happy and Simon is very aware that the easiest way for him to be happy is by drinking and taking the drugs. He's spent the last week and a half in coke withdrawal which is basically just being miserable all the time and going into rehab is going to be more of that. And then, the Simon who comes out of rehab is going to be very different from Simme-the-popstar and different to Simon-from-high-school and current-Simon has no idea what that person will look like or if it will even be someone Wilhelm likes.

So for Simon getting clean means getting away from anyone else's idea of who he should be. And that's hard. And sometimes you hit on the perfect line to articulate what would otherwise be 5 paragraphs of rambling tumblr post and those moments are the best part of writing for all that they come so rarely <3 (and also they do not always come in draft 1 and that's okay)

2. Why does Simon invite Wilhelm to the hotel room

I think SImon's base logic is the same as why Wilhelm went, this sense of 'if we can get away from the cameras we can be Us instead of Simme and Crown Prince Wilhelm and things will make sense again.' But on top of that is this thing that Simon is doing where he is attempting to use sex to solve his problems (arguably this desire is coming from the same place as the drinking and the coke. It's the 'I don't know how to feel good when I'm not performing, but if I invite someone up they'll tell me I'm amazing and then we can have orgasms and that'll feel good for a little while').

So Simon is thinking 'I need to see him in private' but then he doesn't have any plan beyond that so it's back to the usual plan of sex=feeling good, with a side line in 'if I give him a good enough time he won't notice anything weird or ask any questions and everything will be fine.'

(I do have a while Simon POV scene of the hotel after Wilhelm leaves that will probably be posted somewhere at some point so here is a teaser:

Wilhelm must have left by now. And if part of Simon was hoping that he’d still be there when Simon opened the door - so SImon could say what, he doesn’t know - that part is quiet enough not to show surprise when there’s just Gareth in the hallway in his perfectly pressed suit with his perfectly neutral gaze. Does Gareth feel emotion? Nobody knows. He has all of one facial expression so if he’s judging Simon for bringing the prince of Sweden up to his rooms or judging him for failing to keep the prince of Sweden there for longer than an hour, or not judging him at all because he has full respect for the whore lifestyle, Simon never has to know.

3. August

Oh hey! I thought this choice might get me more hate so thanks to everyone for coming on board with me for the off-screen August redemption arc 😅

So fundamentally ELYN (and, yknow, YR) is a story about legacy and inheritance. Both the big glaringly obvious thing of the crown, but also the other things: the secrets, the class culture, and the genetic predisposition to addiction. (I can't remember right now if August's father's suicide was drug-related in the show, but for the fic I definitely had that in my mind).

So August functions as a parallel for both Simon and Wilhelm. The obvious 'was taking drugs to cope with stress, stress kept increasing, ultimately broke under it' . But also on Wilhelm's side, August is desperately trying to live up to the legacy of a dead man. He's idolising his father, wanting to make him proud and unable to acknowledge that this culture of appearing perfect and not talking about problems is what killed him.

The way I always pictured August's arc was that he hit rock bottom somewhere in the military - he'd been relying on pills to get him through stress, this was infinitely more stress than high school, plus the fallout from Sara's confession (which had been covered up by the court, but was still impacting him). I never had a concrete idea of what the exact rock bottom was (maybe stealing pills?), but he was dishonorably discharged and checked himself into rehab where he basically got a big dose of Welcome to Real Life. Meeting normal people. Realising they're not so different. 'There's a whole world out there that's not our careful circle of cultivated Heirs and Heiresses and people have problems but they also have whole entire lives where none of these things you're so worried about matter at all.'

And he did the work. He re-evaluated his biases. He grew up. He met a girl, who I think was class-adjacent but more practical than the Hillerska-royalty types (I like to think she was maybe an art assessor who came to help him auction off large parts of the estate holdings) and they got talking. Their relationship seems to have moved pretty fast, but hey August took some pride in the elements of being prefect that involved taking care of people so maybe he's ready for a family. (Originally there were going to be 8 years between the show and the fic so I gave him 3 kids, and then when I cut it down to 6years it felt mean to delete a baby so that's why he has twins.)

The 12 step program has a step for 'making amends', I think August probably got in touch with Wilhelm and was like 'I owe you an apology and amends, and I understand if you don't want to talk to me but if I can ever help you or Simon, I'm here.' And that went ignored until Wilhelm called him from basic training, and then five years later when he got a call from Simon in hospital like 'So Malin gave me your number...'

One other bonus August ELYN headcanon I have is that Wilhelm phoned August from the car on his way to the debate and was like:

"I think if I do it now I can bring it all down, but if I can't they're going to come after you, and then the children. I'm sorry I can't protect them anymore." "It's my job to look after my family," August says. "And I promise I will not let any of this shit touch them. You have my full support, go do what you have to do."

(there is a whole other tumblr post about how I don't believe in writing bad people just people who sometimes make bad choices but this is already Very Long and I'm not sure if I actually answered the questions so we'll leave it there 😅)

[69consellationsinatrenchcoat]

I'm so sorry if this is too personal.. You've talked about suicidal ideation before. When you're feeling that way, what keeps you alive?

Gosh, this is… such a good question. And no worries <3 it's not too personal for me.

Cw: mentions of suicide and death (mostly positively)

It'll vary by alter, I'll try to get the others to respond if they're comfortable.. for me (🔥), there's a few.

- Knowing it's my role as the primary protector to keep our body safe to the best of my ability.

- I've always doubted the existence of an afterlife, and truthfully I'm a bit jealous of anyone who can believe there is one. And in doing so, I have no idea what's next.. is it just... an end? do we just decompose as science suggests? does my system get broken up according to their beliefs? do we get reincarnated? does heaven/hell exist..? If so.. where am I going?

Those kinds of questions keep me up at night. I don't like to admit it but I'm afraid of missing out on life, of missing opportunities to grow, to learn, to find out about the others.. to solve the hazy mystery that is our past, and to understand what motivates and drives humans to act the ways they do... and I'm afraid of dying; of the sheer unknown of it. No one who has ever died has ever lived to tell the tale, and that scares and intrigues me in a way I can't begin to explain in any comprehensible way.

And.. the three greatest things that keep me alive...

- our out-of-system friends and family; both the knowledge that our closest friends wouldn't be aware if we died (they're online, I doubt anyone would think to reach out to inform them), and that it would hurt our loved ones far more than a lot of our system realise.

- The knowledge that there isn't just One Of Us. Rock bottom does often appear absolutely bleak, and we have struggled with suicidal ideation on and off since the age of seven, and consistently since twelve. However, in my eyes... it's not really suicide when you know you're a system. The way I see it (and I'm not speaking for everyone in our system, or systems in general), but if I were to kill the body, I'd be killing more than just my conciousness. I'd be taking out not only myself, but my children, the host, our trauma holders; my family, friends, colleagues, and strangers. As I see it, it's closer to mass murder from non-consenting parties than a suicide, even if it appears to be a suicide from the perspective of an outsider. The others have as many thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and reflections on the would as I do. If I wouldn't commit suicide knowing that I would kill several others in the real world, why would I do that to a single body but multiple people? Just my take.

And lastly,

The hope of becoming a psychologist. Every time my mind strays to ending it, I imagine myself sitting in a pale blue cosy room decorated with a small pride flag, mental health posters, cushions and bean bags, speaking with a client. Maybe that client is telling me why they chose to continue living. Perhaps, I'm speaking with them about their worries about their mood. Perhaps we're talking about the weather, or their disability, or how their family didn't accept them for who they are, or how cupcakes are simply muffins with hats.

It could be a conversation about how they're scared they're treating others poorly. Maybe, my client is a small six-year-old girl whose father brought her in because she was struggling with attention in her classes...

Perhaps, they're six, maybe they're sixteen, they could be sixty, or a hundred and six and telling me about their life as a final gift. Whoever they may be... I'm staying for those future lives. For those I can learn from, and potentially, teach.

... Amber being vulnerable on main? What's this, the apocalypse??

[saganssorcery]

Tonight's the shadow moon 🌑

I'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about my practice and what I focus on during the shadow moon phase:

Artist: 🎨Peggy Ann Mourot 🔥🖌️

Each shadow moon before the moon turns new and Luna begins to reveal her face once again, I focus on shadow work:

I have a method which I call blue booking, each day I write about the events that have taken place. The blue book is essentially a glorified diary, kinda like a book of shadows but also not. Within it I document any magick, meditations, mundane day to day life, any intense social interactions that affect me in any way, or simply my progress whatsoever, such as workout or anything else I work towards. I try to be completely honest with myself, not holding anything back. If you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?

When the shadow moon comes I go back over the previous moon tide and look for any patterns in behavior, look at my workings and document my results, or lack of, and see myself and my surroundings for what they really are. This can be a very difficult thing to do, being honest with yourself and the world at large can be a painful experience, but the truth often is, but not always. The idea is to take the obsidian knife to the soul, take a good long look at it, analyse the experiences so I am better able, in the new moon cycle, to adjust myself accordingly and approach life with an unwavering truth and honesty. It's crazy the cycles you notice when you take up such an undertaking. You are able to spot negative patterns of behaviour and learn from them, and with a bit of work change them now that you're aware. Though it's tougher when you spot these things in others that you surround yourself with, or in your environment as a whole, and realise that they are perhaps doing nothing to help you as a person, and instead realise what ever is happening is bringing the worst out of us.

Knowledge is power. When you know something is wrong because you have been observing it, especially over multiple moon cycles, you have to come to a point where you need to do something about it for the sake of your own happiness. That's probably the hardest part. That's gonna be something you'll have to be honest with yourself and others with during the next cycle to fix. It takes an extraordinary amount of courage and bravery. Exposing your own or other people's shadow you run the risk of a lash out. The shadow being revealed is often a very uncomfortable experience. By doing so you run the risk of changing your entire world as a result. People do not like it when you are brutally honest, especially when you're the type of person who usually lets things slide to keep the peace. But it's these people who probably need a practice like this most so they can spot when they are being abused in any way.

At the end of this analysis period, once it is known what the focus should be for the next cycle so we can change our experiences for the better, I cleanse myself from the previous tide and start the next tide fresh, but with more knowledge and understanding.

Shadow work can be hard, but it is an incredibly potent way at healing.

At a larger scale, when the year is over, I go back over all the summaries I do on the shadow moon and see the even longer patterns that take place. There are patterns that are so deeply rooted in the day to day they often go unnoticed. By doing this we can see how far we have come, and pat ourselves on the back, but also see what else we need to work towards for even better healing.

So on this shadow moon perhaps it would be worth having a look yourself, see everything that is taking place and perhaps start a practice like this yourself, if you haven't already. It might be hard but it's helped me become a better person, and changed my life for the better more so than almost anything else I practice.

©️Sagans Sorcery 🔥🖋️

[yakultii]

I was thinking about how things change and I find it kind of interesting but I remember around 2015 was when mainstream social media eg instagram started to become somewhat political (for the average user) and became a source of education additional to selfies.. I remember around that time being referred to as “woke” (to be fair my wokeness has likely majorly regressed over the past 6-8yrs as a result of hibernation) but when someone called you “woke” it was a positive term like I genuinely remember hearing people talk about how they wanted to be as “educated” and “woke” as me or admired me and wanted to be friends with me for this reason (as a 15yro LMAO) and it was only the “alternative” kids who dared present themselves as educated and woke online bc it wasn’t common knowledge to be politically and socially knowledgeable (at least where I grew up) and doing so was kind of like making a name for yourself.. whereas now I feel like it’s just expected of young people to be socially and politically educated to some extent.. and I mean it’s not hard, because public discourse on so many topics are EVERYWHERE... While I think education is great and we should all be more informed I can't help but wonder/almost assume that this change/progression of political social media (within the mainstream ofc bc I'm aware it always existed w good intent prior) has maybe spread cause of performative factors/people wanted to make that name for themselves..to the point it all kinda became a trend.. although people realised it was so real at the same time..so then its intentions became mixed and now it is just expected idek if this makes sense... but also what is even more strange is that the connotations of the term "woke" COMPLETELY changed from something admirable like "wow that person is really woke they seem cool"(something I commonly heard in 2015) to now something that's make a mockery of eg "lmao they acting woke" along w the whole go woke go broke saga (idk if that's just in aus or worldwide... aus seems to have a problem w performativity of any kind anyway despite the fact we are endlessly playing into our own character as Australians but that's another story).. anyway idk what the point of this was cause i started writing it on my phone but then my phone died and my charger broke so I swapped to my laptop and my adhd cant hold a single thought for a second if u literally cant tell.. but its crazy how things change.. I just feel like that was such a small time frame but then again I guess that's how my parents felt like there was no internet and all of a sudden there was and the entirety of western society revolves around it so i guess change is super duper normal and we all have the same experience of it despite thinking we are unique in our experiences..I'm not really mad about change at all.. I think its mostly a good thing.. sometimes we don't understand change but personally I just hope someone is happy about it! the way some things changed for my parents and grandparents and while they missed the old days I could see the light.. only difference being they weren't happy that I could see the light but anyways I just type words here of half thought out thoughts and hope that no one reads it bc its a terrible representation of me.. actually no, its an accurate representation of me.. just a terrible presentation.. good thing no one knows who i am bc i just be saying things and keeping the rest of the things that make the things make sense in my head cause my fingers cant type any faster they are already so speedy gurlllll go back to ur notes app actually no my notes app iw SOOOOOOOO insanely claustrophobic its hell in there .. should prolly just change the name of this side blog or something just incase.. my reblogs have these words lost in an hour tell me if u read this anyway i think its be kinda funny if u did but i think u should find something better to do idk ily anyway

[renee-ckstrong]

THIS MATCH MAKES ME VERY EXITED, HERE'S WHY

I can't wait for Bound For Glory, the main event is set. The Challenger is, The Walking Weapon Josh Alexander Vs one half of the Motor City Machine Guns and current IMPACT World Champion Alex Shelley. Let's talk about it.

Now I'm not that big of an impact girlie. I was, when I was younger in the UK I couldn't get WWE on TV but I had access to TNA/IMPACT so that was the wrestling I watched in my youth and actually kept watching it for a while. In fact I'm going to go to see IMPACT live in the UK with my dad soon, which is brilliant remembering the time we spent watching IMPACT before. We're going to have such a good time.

This doesn't stop me from being VERY excited about this match. I've still been aware of the product even while I haven't been watching and I watched IMPACT 1000, saw their segment and WOW it was good.

Let's start with Alex Shelley, my little Motor City Blorbo, Shelley was brought into IMPACT using their old business strategy of 'Sign ultra talented ROH guys' that got them Styles, Sabin, Joe and Daniels. From 2004 to 2007 he would be a exciting feature of the X Division winning said title once. His true success would come between 2007 and 2012 in the team known as 'The Motor City Machine Guns' Shelley and partner Chris Sabin became on of the most influential and defining teams in IMPACT history before Shelley left IMPACT to work for ROH and NJPW.

On the other hand Josh Alexander came into IMPACT in 2019 (annoying just after I stopped watching so I missed out) also in the tag division having a lengthy singles run with Ethan Page as 'The North' who, despite being in a company that doesn't usually get considered for being the best, were considered to be one of the best tag teams in the world. And to stress, this was at the same time as The New Day, The Usos, The Young Bucks and FTR so being considered one of the best teams in this time is saying something. When Page departed the company Alexander got the big push, winning the X Division title then cashing in option C to become IMPACT World Champion. Then Moose beat him and ran him out of impact. But upon Alexander's return he reclaimed the title and became the longest reigning IMPACT World Champion of all time. A near year long reign that ended with Alexander having to relinquish the title because of a triceps tear.

Here in lies our conflict. Alexander wants to reclaim his title but he is also exited to wrestle Alex Shelley as he says "No one is a bigger fan of Alex Shelley than I am." or something like that. But Shelley wants to keep this belt at all costs. That's why he belittled Alexander at IMPACT 1000, because Alexander is trying to take away the biggest achievement of his life. An achievement that Alexander has had twice, but in his long career this is Shelley's first IMPACT World Championship reign. And one more detail in this story, that I only realised while writing this, is that while Alex Shelley is the tag partner who left (and then came back) out of him and Chris Sabin, Josh Alexander is the tag partner who stayed out of him and Ethan Page. As much of and IMPACT guy as Shelley wants to claim he is, Josh Alexander stayed and became one of the faces of IMPACT during it's resurgence and continued to be a defining 'IMPACT guy' during the pandemic. As much as I personally love Alex Shelley, there are lots of reasons to cheer Josh Alexander come the 21st.

And I think that's a large part of it. I used to watch IMPACT. I am nostalgic for IMPACT's past, people like Alex Shelley. But presently Josh Alexander is the guy. Alexander doesn't want this to be personal, but Shelley desperately wants to be the guy.

They are the past and present of IMPACT fighting for it's future.

Goddamn I deserve a job backstage working on hype packages.

And I have no idea who's going to win. Maybe people who watch more IMPACT have an idea but I don't. And that's exciting. I am so hyped for this match thank you for listening. I'm so excited to be an IMPACT fan again.

[aquadestinyswriting]

'Shipping thoughts

tagging: @druidx, @sparrow-orion-writes , @blind-the-winds because I know you guys live for this drama.

Edit: tagging in @philosophika as well

I've been re-reading through the writing I've done for 'The Wizard's Tale' and have been listening to the playlist I made for it. Gods damn I am obsessed with Edwin's pining after Selene. The man could not be more obvious if he tried. And yet. Because Selene is the most AroAce person in the existence of Titan, she is (seemingly) totally oblivious to all of it.

Even when she has Chrackle dropping hints in her head pretty much from the minute Edwin arrives in Toreguarde, somehow Selene insists that he's just making up for not being in regular contact for almost ten years.

Slightly spoilery stuff under the cut

I mean, I know Selene has a lot on her plate by that point. She's just had to watch her niece fight off one evil dark wizard and his army and has just sent her off to go deal with a problem that Selene feels she should be dealing with personally. Not to mention the fact that Toreguarde could be going to actual war with Fangthane at any minute. But in all honesty? I think by that point, it's become wilful ignorance. Or just a stubborn refusal to acknowledge her own feelings on the matter.

I mean, think about it. Schreiber has been doing everything in his power to 'gently encourage' those remaining Heroes of Toreguarde to leave the city.* Selene has been trying to fight him on this, but can't get rid of him herself. Egrim, who was a far more passive man when it came to getting involved in the politics of Toreguarde, has just been replaced by Edwin. A man that is much more proactive and willing to speak his mind. Selene knows that Schreiber is likely to become pretty damn dangerous if he feels cornered. If Schreiber were to find out that the new Abouna of Galana and the Grand Magus had feelings for one another, then, oh boy, he is definitely going to use that against both of them.

Best case if that happened? Both Edwin and Selene are forced to leave Toreguarde without permission (thereby breaking the Edict) and leave it defenceless while Schreiber works to put his preferred people in charge of the wizard's tower. Worst case? Schreiber arranges to have one or both of them killed, most likely by members of the Cabal so that he doesn't have to get his own hands dirty. Then Schreiber puts his preferred people in charge of the wizard's tower. Either way, Toreguarde is done for.

So Selene does the only thing she thinks is sensible: pretends that she doesn't notice Edwin being a very persistent lost little puppy around her and stamps down her own burgeoning feelings for him because, of course, he's the last friend she has and he needs protecting at all costs. Besides, surely anyone would feel the same about their closest friends, right? (she's so aro, she doesn't even realise that what's she's feeling is romantic love, even when Chrackle is basically spelling it out for her in every last way he can. The poor bird has the patience of a bloody saint for having to deal with that. I'm surprised he doesn't go insane, honestly).

It does not help that Edwin refuses to actually, you know, tell Selene that he's caught feelings for her at any point throughout all of this. Probably because he's just as painfully aware that doing so could put them both in jeopardy. Not to mention the crushing guilt he's feeling over not being able to tell Selene what happened with Alexis (even though, once he arrives in Toreguarde, he has every opportunity to, because he doesn't have the threat of being kicked out of Fangthane hanging over his head any more). Edwin may be a lot more emotionally intelligent than Selene but.... gods, he is a complete dumbass about this.

Seriously, neither of them are being smart about any of this. And I love it! I hate it just as much, but the drama is just too delicious to not have them both be dumbasses that are somehow constantly talking past each other until the incident happens.

*Note: Schreiber had no involvement in Alexis leaving. He was just happy that she, apparently, did it on her own volition instead. Publicly though, he rips Selene to shreds in front of the rest of the Council for "letting" her go, because why waste the opportunity?

[squirmydonnie]

Vent:

I am.causing my pain

I never know quite where to.look

But when I do. It's often recently been the wrong place

With people who.simply don't have the capacity for me

I hope that they do or will

But the truth is I can never be sure.

I forget that my parents are even an option sometimes.

They would hate to hear that.

And they will same the same things I'm used to.

Sometimes they surprise me.

I often only want more information about them. I don't want to hear your name old story you usually do. The same topic again. I liked hearing more. Not that it was positive things. It was sad things. But I still liked hearing it.

I get the need for.positive reinforcement. But I don't want to give it to you.

I've done it before, and it's become tired.

I don't really feel like it.

I didn't think very much about it before.

I didn't realise I was making a choice.

That I've been making the choice to not tell them.things.

I do it very regularly.

I think.i might be a more healthy individual if I did that from the start.

But I had seen it as something I would do on my own. As to not bother anyone with it.

In the same way I chose to not ask for clothes I liked, out of fear that money would squander.

I wish i wasn't perceptive.

Not that it doesn't do any good for me, but that it hurts me.so much.

Being aware only does you a bit of the work.

I don't really know where I'm going with this.

But it feels better to not be rushed.

Rushed by fear.

Even though I actually still am.

My dad told me I'm the first thing he's ever loved at first sight.

He's told me this a few times.

When driving me home from the hospital he couldn't stop looking at me through the mirror.

My mom had to keep reminding him to focus.

I've never heard him say anything like this about my mom.

It made me wonder if I'm the first thing he's ever loved at first sight, how he could treat me like this.

The way that he did. Because he's mostly stopped now.

But I've forced myself to remember. So I could understand why we are like this.

When I said that it may be a trust issue yesterday. I wished that I could have taken it back. So that he wouldn't think it was so seriously.

I want people to take me seriously but I'm also quite afraid of it.

I didn't want him to think things were more wrong then he already thought.

I guess that he probably should know, but it doesn't make me feel much better about saying it in the first place.

It made me wish I would have shut up. That I just wished I would have been able to so stay quiet like I normally do.

That just the once I'd be able to keep it in, like I do regularly.

But how could it be anything but mistrust when you do not see me.

When I came out it was a mistake.

It was supposed to be 2 years from now.

But I got so caught up in the emotion of the moment that I said it.

This time I was getting so tired of hearing the regular and more annoyance than usual, that I let it slip.

You see a lot about what I was like.

How I was before 5th grade.

He always says that.

He mentions 5th grade as if it's a maker about me. And everytime I don't know what he's saying about it.

5th grade was a turning point, but still what I'd say was a great year for me.

I enjoyed it greatly.

He even admitted that I didn't seem phased by graduating from the grade. So I never fully understood why he's held onto it so much.

He told me about something that happened at the playground once.

But to me because I don't remember it and I can't connect it much with problems I have now I don't really understand.

There weren't any kids my age there. They were all my brothers age or younger. I got sad. We were leaving. But a.girl came there who was my age. I asked to stay and then we did.

Its sweet of him to remember this. But I'm not quite sure what he means by the change.

I really wish that he would hurry up and tell me sooner. That he would just elaborate on it already.

Because he's been talking about it since 6th grade.

I may have an idea of what he's talking about. But I wish he was more specific.

I can't believe I stayed up until 6 today.

[denimbex1986]

'I'm at home in London, currently in my kitchen. It's fine. It's a bit of a weird time, but I'm kind of determined that when it's all over I'll get something out of it, you know? It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to stop, so if people I love are able to remain healthy then I feel kind of grateful.

People keep talking about the eerie calm, but I don't think it's the calm that's eerie, it's the fact it's happened so quickly, because stuffing ourselves into a tube five days out of seven is pretty eerie, I think. There's loads of eerie stuff the other way too.

I've got a few daily activities to stay calm. The main one is avoiding freaking out. I decided to have five things that I'm going to do every day and if i don't do them I'm not going to freak out. The best thing that I did was listen to Mo Gawdat. He wrote a book on happiness [Solve For Happy] and Elizabeth Day interviews him on her podcast. He just speaks with an incredible humanity, generosity, wisdom and calm about what this could be and how rather than following the herd we should focus on what we do and think ourselves. The majority of us are safe, he says – though he doesn't minimise the pain that some people are going through – and it's really been beneficial. It's brilliant. Elizabeth Day has just interviewed the great philosopher Alain de Botton too. Both are just guys who have great overviews.

I encourage all people to use the mute button on social media more, by the way. We are surrounded by so much information at the moment. I do not need to see a picture of an empty shelf in a supermarket, because that signifies to me that you, my friend, are an empty shelf.

This is the first pandemic we've had with social media and there's so much information. It's brilliant, Instagram, but you suddenly become aware, when your world becomes smaller, that you just don't need to engage. And people's misery seems to be the same as their showing off – people seem to show off their misery as much as their fabulousness. There are some people on Instagram who make you think, “That person is invading my daily life and I haven’t even met them!” So to be able to decide “I don't need you at this time”… there's something good about that. It's about looking to console people, rather than be consoled.

I suppose one thing I'd really like to change after the pandemic is people's attitude to what social media actually is. The point is about real connection, not just to filter the fuck out of everything.

With Zoom and being able to be online all the time, maybe there is a way of staggering traffic into the office, for instance. Maybe you don't need to be in work for 9am every day. It makes you realise things can change. Good stuff will come out of it, I think. Shaking things up and making people question who they are outside of their day-to-day persona: that's not a bad thing. The question is what makes you genuinely happy? What do you miss?

I am missing dressing up and occasions and all that stuff. But I've always been a big fan of the nonevent. Like the day after a wedding or at a funeral, when you don't expect anything specific and you're allowed to be whatever you want.

I had a Zoom conversation with one of my friends the other day and we showed each other all the shit clothes we're wearing right now. We did a little fashion show. It's amazing how it moves to the background in a situation like this, clothes and all of that stuff. There's a great freedom in that.

I went to a surprise Zoom birthday last week and it makes you realise what you bring to a party. You've got to bring something! Dressing up and having a sense of occasion is usually what you bring to a party, but in Zoom land you've got to bring more than that – you've got to bring the party! You can't just stand there.

I find on Zoom after two drinks I'm hammered and then you come off the call and you find yourself in your apartment swaying around and your like, “Jesus, I'm absolutely gone. Who else will I Zoom?”

Sometimes you need to stop and look at what's outside work – what's important. It sounds like a cliché, but that's a really big one for me.

Both my sisters put me on to Ryan Heffington's dance classes. He's based in LA and he's just full of joy and it's really stupid. He asks you to pick up bits of your laundry and swing them around. He's got some “punch the president” moves. The music is really fun, really camp. It's on LA time, but it stays up until the next day. But he’s a really brilliant choreographer and he leads you through the moves so it's not all high-octane. Afterwards you just feel really brilliant!" [Follow Ryan Heffington on Instagram here.]

I'm in love with my resistance bands. You can do so much with them. In this time when everyone's in their head, it's important to keep the exercise up. I never really used these before because I always went to the gym, but I've found out that you can break a sweat at home! You can do all sorts of things with these – you stretch them as much as you can.

I've been watching a lot of Tiger King, obviously, but I've also been watching Making The Cut, that new show with Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. It's amazing. I love a design show – I loved Project Runway, I liked Next In Fashion – but the judges in this are Naomi Campbell and Carine Roitfeld, so it's proper high fashion. I love all that kind of stuff.

People keep saying, “Stay connected,” and I think that's important, but the person you're spending all your time with is yourself. And If I'm not checking in with what's going on with me, and I'm constantly Face Timing people and looking outwards rather than inwards… you go a bit nuts. So it's been a good time to meditate. I've had a mixed experience with meditation, but as things have gone a bit more mental I've needed a still space. And with all this information, I've found that if you look inwards and find peace, you're able to take that peace to the world. It doesn't feel hippy-dippy to me; it feels scientific. If you get better at finding the calm in yourself, I think it's easier to make sense of what's happening.

In terms of grooming I'm using Murdock's sea salt spray, because it's the only bit of sea I'm going to get right now!'

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

okay so like we shit on Sausage PArty a lot but like CARS it leaves a lot of questions

at what point do they become sentient? like, the vegies were produce at some point, right?

the items like bread and other premade shit, they were made up of things that died to make them, do they recall any of it (eg flour, milk, eggs)?

there's little consistency around which part is sentient too, like, sometimes its the package or jar and sometimes its the stuff inside... but does the outside package know?

they seem to fear being sent to the Dark Lord's Portal (the bin) but like do they have any concept of death / decay?

also the thing that annoyed me most about the whole premise is like, assuming they did manage to take over the grocery store no worries what then? either a) they all start to decay over time, or b) the building gets destroyed byhumans bc they're not likely to allow food to start that shit.

what's up with the bottles, too? liquid seems to not be sentient (throwing out the 'things inside the package are alive like chips and crisps') ?

Oh shit, I just thought of something... pickled foods. Like, most shopping centres have some sort of pickled or whatever pickles, or other preserves... how is that meant to work? It's a presumably living jar with dead corpses of vegies or whatevs inside.

it's like wandering through a public place and there's just like a jar with corpses floating in it, there. And it talks to you or sings along, etc.

Yes, I am overthinking it, but you can't half ass worldbuilding on this scale

also, what about every other supermarket? was this one special or all of them?

Why are some non-food products (TP, condoms) esntient and others not? Like, why aren't clothes and furniture sentient in this universe? Is it only meant to be things that can come from a supermarket? bc most furniture and other items comes from a store at some point.

The end was an annoying cop-out tho, I get it was meant to be funny but they just nuked everyone's way of life and went to fight people in a world and dimension almost impossible for them to imagine, with NO POSSIBLE WAY to know if they'd be back to square one there (eg. would the other humans 'gods' see them as 3d food there too?)

If TP and condoms are sentient, what else? Pads? Tissues (yikes)? Soap? Facewash? Like there was a lot they kind of picked and chose through for this one lmao.

we never expresly aw a lot of meat in this movie except bacon strips and also sausages, but that raises more questions

like, oes the meat cut come to consciousness right after it is butchered from the deceased animal? If so, then how do you think it feels being put through a blender / grinder to become sausage?

There's a lot of triple handling for food before it's even considered to be like a basic item (eg bread, cake, sausage, any form of facewash or shampoo).

Same question for the chips and crackers we see. Do they become aware before or after being baked? Do they have an opinion on being in a package? Does the box or packet know they're in there? OR do they only come alive when the box/packet isopen?

Because in the new utopia of the supermarket, would that be considered imprisonment and boxes /jars / packages be opened against their will to release the food inside?

[Bc there was the spearmint guy who absolutely knew there were little mints inside him, and they knew what was up but opening him killed him.]

...the ethics on this could keep multiple university ethics committees busy for years. To release 'prisoners' who may not realise they are confined, by killing another, or to let the one already alive continue on? Like the trolley issue right?

its 11pm, I am overthinking like mad.

[bogkeep]

stuck in the brain bog shallows today, stirring up some mud soup

hi it's more traumaposting

i wrote some time ago that i got like, Stalked and Harassed which is obviously very trauma. but then there's the trauma behind THAT trauma which is actually a lot harder to speak about, because that IS actually relatively easy to spin into You Are A Horrible Person And You Clearly Deserved What You Got

but i know i'm not the only one who's experienced this.

have you ever had a friend or acquaintance or someone who just. copies you. treats you like a blueprint for themselves. who slurps up your personality like juice. eats you like a whalefall? humans are a social species and copying others is a normal thing we do! of course we pick up mannerisms from our friends! of course we pick up habits from people we admire! everyone is a tapestry of the world we've absorbed. i can go poetic about it, you know, how we keep people alive by harbouring their memory in our daily lives. and yes obviously i am well aware of the zealous "how DARE you copy my art" digital artist archetype. i am very very aware of the precarious position i put myself in by speaking about this at all. but it wasn't really about art. it was - my interests. my mannerisms. my friends. my ideas. my goals. my way of speaking. my words. my memories. anything i shared where they could see, nothing was sacred. (they never created enough art to ever actually copy mine.) towards the end, i could predict what they would do next, only because i had done it. like a drinking game. i didn't get to keep anything for myself. is that selfish? is that greedy? to share a piece of my life on the internet and hoping it gets to stay my own? obviously i don't own everything. i don't own concepts or ideas or experiences. i can't stop other people from doing the same as me, even if i wanted to - which really, i don't. i don't know how to convince people that i really don't mind. it's just, there's a limit. i think the limit is where i start thinking "are you mixing up my tweets with your own memories?" "are you doing this on purpose or is your self-awareness really that lacking" or maybe the weird feeling of responsibility i get when someone clearly tries to solve their own problems by trying to be Me, Someone Who Obviously Has No Problems Ever, and i have to, somehow convince them that our lives are different and being me can't solve their problems because they're not actually me, or i try to let them know how i ACTUALLY solve my problems, or try to show them a way of solving problems that involves Not Doing Exactly What I Do, and it turns out all of these options are actually deeply uncomfortable to everyone involved. welp (i made grim jokes to myself about it being a form of cultural appropriation - to whisk off my surface level behaviours without understanding the deeper roots of why i act the way i do.) and i spent months trying to convince myself that it was wrong of me to be uncomfortable with this, that i just need to stop being so selfish and greedy and just relax about it. in fact i may just be mistaken and making the whole thing up! how self-absorbed am i for even having the THOUGHT this is what's happening! just a coincidence, just a coincidence, just a coincidence, just a coincidence, just a coincidence, just a coincidence - how do you even... talk about this. with anyone, much less the person doing this to you? because like the good outcome is that you go "hey i feel like you keep mimicking everything i do and it's starting to feel really weird" and they go "oh shit i did not realise" and then they walk on eggshells around you forever and you get bitch eating crackers disease about anything that even remotely resembles copying you and the bad outcome is that they go "whaaaaaaaat i didn't even notice but i'll TRY" and nothing changes, and then it becomes "well actually it's your fault for being so INFLUENTIAL, you're basically brain-washing people around you when you think about it" so you apologise for doing that (and nothing changes), and then it becomes "actually i have trauma and that's why you must let me keep doing this" and nothing changes until it must because there is no other way out of that. they can do it all they want but they can't be your Friend at the same time. you have to Leave.

i tried - i tried not saying anything, i tried saying anything, i tried Giving a lot so they would Take less, i tried keeping my distance. it was clumsy and desperate but they were attempts. a hard lock leave and burning down a dozen bridges was my only way out.

for a long time it made no sense - why were they so angry at me for leaving when they hated me so much? why did they follow me everywhere if they wanted nothing to do with me? a friend explained to me: i had left them cold turkey.

close to where i used to live, someone had spraypainted a phrase on a wall - "mitt liv er ikke et måltid." my life is not a meal. i gave it a salute every time i passed by.

[objectivelyimpermanent]

I watched My Personal Weatherman and I really liked it. It was cute. I'll rewatch it later. But I do understand why some people are so wary of it. I don't think it's unusual that I check Tumblr before I decide to watch a series. I usually scan the gifs because my main attraction to series is production values and general prettiness. My point is that some of the gifsets do give off a wrong impression of the context of Yoh's and Mizuki's relationship. I was under the impression that the scene where Mizuki ties up Yoh and gets a little rough was right after the one where he finds Yoh playacting kink with (whom I thought at the time was) a potential romantic rival, and that sort of dubiety is a bit of an uneasy thing for me.

I was slightly worried that the consent was all deep-subtextual or linguistic, or that it was one of the cop-outs where it's presumed that there's an agreement off-screen which is kept so vague that the audience isn't made aware of where are the boundaries. I've found that sort of thing a lot in yaoi and shounen ai, so usually I have to screen for a panel where it's made clear that there are lines of which the characters are aware.

In the series it's fairly clear that it's firmly on the right side of dubious consent, and that it's kinky and not abusive, but that's only with the context of all the interstitial domestic scenes. The high-passion scenes which are gifset most often give off a bit of a bad impression without them.

-- This is where it turns into therapy. Please ignore if you like.

I'm not alone in sympathising with Yoh's inability to read the room. When you feel out-of-step with others, it's difficult to trust them. It's like being locked in a room with a telepath. There's this person with this superpower that makes them able to read your mind, but to you, they're a stone wall; and since this ability is so common that it's only a superpower because you can't do it, it's clear that you're the one who has failed, and so any situation that forms because of your lack of understanding is your own fault. You have an incompetence that makes your life difficult, and everyone around you seems to navigate with ease these complex social nuances that either you don't notice or of which you don't register the significance. It's like being very short in a room full of giants and, having climbed up to the bar with difficulty, suddenly realising that everyone has already left without noticing that you were still there and still struggling.

The yearning then is not for someone to understand you, but for you to be able to understand another enough to trust them despite their understanding of you. It's difficult to trust someone with this much of an advantage.

I say all these deeply embarrassing things to explain why I (and I think some others perhaps) find it so uneasy when the consent is dubious due to a social reticence or due to a deficit in explicit communication.

I understand that, with Japan, it can be a cultural thing; but Japanese also has quotidian, functional things like linguistic aspects that make more clear your relationship to others and their relationship to you as a matter of existing in the world. That sort of coded social protocol is a relief. [Conversely, this is not to say that unease or miscommunication is impossible in Japan or with Japanese, as can be seen with Yoh. But I don't think that Yoh's miscommunication is the same thing precisely as that about which I'm talking.]

It's unwise to trust strangers, but if you don't trust strangers, you can never become close enough to trust someone wisely. It's scary to let pass that kind of superpower, and since trust is a skill, you are going to fail many times before you succeed. When you're this bad at reading the room, failure is like letting a tiger into your bedroom. It's infantilising.

Is your superpower so strong that you can understand me better than I do myself? Do I trust you in that? How do I know if I'm wrong to do so? What do I do if I am wrong? Not everyone is Segasaki Mizuki, and I'm not Yoh.