#the price for this was constantly rising so i had to get it first. BUT.

[twasbrillig71]

LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT

UNFOLLOW ME NOW. THIS IS GONNA BE THE ONLY THING I [blog] ABOUT FOR THE NEXT WEEK. I'VE WANTED THIS FOR YEARS—

[writinginpinkpink]

The Price of Life. [0.1]

homelander x fem!reader

summary: Homelander saved you and gave you life, but with one rule: be utterly loyal to him. Despite this, you went beyond mere obedience and provided him with what he needed most: love.

warnings: homelander, violence, swearing, smut (eventually), a bit of stockholm syndrome?

masterlist | requests open! | next

You didn't expect this mission to be your last. It wasn't like this was your first time stealing Temp-V for Butcher. But something clearly went wrong as the last thing your eyes could register before your mind went blank was a Cape with the American fucking flag on it.

You felt your body give up, as if you could actually feel the life draining out of you, until a stinging sensation surged through you. Suddenly, everything felt painfully alive. Every nerve burned, and you felt everything. Your muscles relaxed and contracted, your heart pumped with such force it felt like it was going to burst out of your chest.

Your eyes slowly opened, only to find a pair of intense blue eyes staring at you. The man was holding your head close to his chest. When he realized you were awake, he gave you an eerie smile, laughing to himself. Only now did you notice that the sleeve of his shirt was rolled up, blood dripping from his arm.

And only after noticing him did you see the needle still attached to your arm. You instantly got up, realizing what he had done.

"What the fuck did you do to me?" you yelled, even though you already knew the answer. You wanted to hear him say it.

"What about a 'thank you, Homelander! You saved my life' first?" he said, rising as well. You noticed the floor around you was covered in blood—your blood.

"For what? You tried to kill me just to save me?" you screamed, knowing that shouting at him was dangerous, but with his blood circulating through your veins, you felt every emotion sharply. "I tried to kill you? Believe me, if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead. I made you. I gave you life. I'm fucking Jesus to you. The Butcher didn’t save you, Starlight didn’t save you, not even fucking Hughie. And now you are blood of my blood, you are my family now, do you understand? It wasn't rhetorical. Answer it."

He yelled, getting closer with each sentence until you hit the wall. His hands found their way to your neck, squeezing it just hard enough to send a message, but not to kill you. You struggled to nod.

"Exactly. You are now mine, and I will carry you around. We will be the fucking face of America. You and me. We are the example this country wants. I'm your hero, and now you will dedicate your life to me." You weren't surprised by his words. Since you joined the Seven, Homelander had seemed infatuated with you, for whatever reason.

"I hope you understand that I gave you life and, with the same ease, I can take it from you." He said, releasing your neck and kissing your cheek, as if he genuinely believed the twisted couple dynamic he had created in his mind.

"Go take a shower," he demanded, pointing to the bathroom. Still confused about what this new relationship meant, you complied, your burning throat serving as a stark reminder to avoid angering him again.

As you showered, you tried to connect the dots. What did he mean by "suicide mission"? Hadn’t Butcher and Starlight tried to save you? You weren’t sure if it was his blood making you feel this way, but resentment began to grow in your chest. It always annoyed you how Butcher bossed you around and treated everyone as though they were merely stepping stones to his goals.

Besides, you couldn’t deny that Starlight pissed you off a bit. She constantly forced you into the role of her shadow, making you the supportive friend rather than the protagonist. Every autograph you signed was alongside hers, and if her popularity faltered, so did yours. You tried not to let it bother you, as people enjoyed seeing your friendship, but it infuriated you that you were seen as the weakest female member. You knew you could break Tinker Bell in half if you wanted to, especially now that you felt stronger than ever.

As you dried yourself off before leaving the shower, you realized that this relationship with Homelander might not be the worst deal. You would finally receive the recognition you deserved and maybe even inspire some young girls to be like you. Besides, Homelander did save your life—he didn’t just keep you alive, but he made you stronger.

[rainybubbles]

What 141 would do if you're experiencing self-doubt ?

Ghost, Price, Soap, Gaz

(Sorry in advance for my mistakes, English is not my mother tongue. So sorry if it's badly written or if they're OOC.)

SIMON : 

-"I am not enough; I will never be, and you know it. You know it because, in a crowd, your gaze wanders elsewhere. Your fingers barely brush against me, and you only utter kind words without ever mentioning my beauty. I will never be like the others; I can never fill your heart. I am just a silhouette in your life, while I constantly dream of being the leading role in our film. But it’s just a film, an illusion, and I can’t be content with that."

-Out of breath, they stood before him, tears in their eyes. Their exhausted eyes let every tear fall, their breathing was labored.

-He stood motionless, rigid, unable to move, to utter a word.

-This silence was like a knife, silently cutting the bond between them, answering the unspoken with more silence.

-"I see," they murmured as they turned to leave.

-But their momentum was interrupted by his hand firmly gripping their wrist. He stood there.

-"Do you honestly think you can compare yourself to the others?" he murmured.

-"Don’t hit where it hurts, I—"

-"Do you honestly think you can compare yourself when your smile makes me forget the blood I shed? The souls screaming in my ears. When each of your breaths is a wave of desire I struggle to restrain, while for ten years, I struggled to feel even lust? When your voice, your ambitions are the only things I think about. You haunt me. I’ve tried day and night to flee from you, to distance myself, to keep you as an acquaintance, but no matter my efforts, I found myself at your feet begging for a crumb of your smile. Do you honestly think I see you like the others?"

-Stunned, they didn’t know how to respond.

-"Simon."

"I can’t, I didn’t want to. Not yet. I can’t afford to have people to lose, but you’re here, and I find myself unable to let another take your heart."

"Then take it."

Hesitant, the soldier could see his mother, Beth, his brother, his nephew. Having someone meant being able to lose them. Having only his life meant a gentle, painless death.

-But between putting them in danger or losing them, Simon’s heart had made its choice.

-He wouldn’t risk finding them one day dead in his living room, killed by an enemy. He couldn’t. Yet the idea of having them in their living room, their house, seemed so sweet.

"It’s not that simple."

"Simon, please. Be clear, you can’t—"

His hands were on their face, wiping away each tear he had caused.

"Look at us, Simon," they murmured.

Their breaths close, the heat rising, their gazes shifted from one to the other, settling on their lips. And everything happened quickly. A moment, a second changing everything. A kiss.

"You are enough," he murmured after the first kiss.

But it wasn’t enough; starving, his heart burning, Simon kissed them again and again.

Feeling their body under his hands, their much-desired lips on his. Their breath, their scent, their sounds, their hair, everything was them, and he could only get intoxicated again and again.

They were an addiction.

"I can’t get enough of you."

"Neither can I. Don’t leave me again, Simon."

"I wouldn’t dream of it."

They were enough, more than that, they were too good for him. But Simon was a selfish man, and if they allowed him, he would stay in their affections as long as they let him.

PRICE : 

(Tall reader implied in this one.)

"Am I... pathetic, John? Not enough?"

On a summer evening at the base, which was deserted due to the nice weather and the open bar, two colleagues smoked outside.

-The conversation had shifted from light banter to work, and now, as dawn approached, alcohol was loosening their tongues, steering them towards deeper topics.

"Pathetic?" John repeated.

"Yes."

They stubbed out their cigarette abruptly.

"Sorry, it sounds childish. I'm complaining about my life when we were talking about something else. I should go to bed, I—"

They were interrupted by his gaze.

"No, I'm listening."

They sat back down, almost timidly.

"Have you been with people, John?"

"I've had my share of lovers, yes."

"Everyone has, at our age, right?"

"I guess."

"Not me."

John observed their in silence, sensing their hesitation.

"My parents say it's pathetic, being only good at writing reports, not even able to seduce soldiers in a barracks. That my ugliness, my height, are horrible traits they can hardly stand to see at each meeting. And I know they're wrong, but when I hear stories of kisses, love letters, children, marriages... I can't help but wonder: what's wrong with me? Why... why have I never felt that desire, why has no one ever had it for me? Am I... pathetic?"

John removed his cigar from his lips, his eyebrows furrowed. He stood up without a word.

They guessed he was bored by their words, their problems, and regretted having said too much.

But John knelt in front of them.

"You'd have to be very cruel to think a person like you is pathetic. If you are, then I'm just a pathetic man who desires a pathetic person."

"John..."

"Not feeling desire, not having loved, kissed, or slept with someone at our age shouldn't be a shame. Love isn't a race, and if you start in your thirties, forties, or fifties, so be it. You should never feel any pressure or degradation about it. Because a man, a lover, a good one at least, will never define you. You are a wonderful person who may choose to have someone in their life, or not. It’s optional."

"It’s hard."

"I know."

On his knees, he reached out to cover their hand with his.

"You are not pathetic. Your laughter at Simon's awful jokes, that little tic after writing a report when you click your tongue, your height towering over even Johnny... I live for that. Every morning on this base, I wish to give you a report I spent too many hours falsifying just so we can correct the errors together, so I can sit next to you and feel your leg brush against mine, your scent filling my clothes, or leave my silly hat on your head in winter. I want you to see me, as I see you. Because if you did, you'd never dare, never even think to use the word 'pathetic' to describe yourself."

"John..."

"I'm not asking for anything. I know your desire now, and I guess I don't meet your expectations, but please, don't let this define you."

Slowly, he stood up, his hand leaving theirs.

"Why?" they asked, interrupting his walk.

"Why what?"

"Why tell me this when you... you know I could never have that physical desire for you?"

"Because my desire isn't just sexual, I want all of you. A life without sex doesn't bother me, not if I can see your smile every morning, not if I can fix a stupid sink we bought together, not if I can admire those lines on your face every day."

"You're an idiot."

"So it seems."

Wiping their tears, they blew their nose. With a determined step, they joined him.

"Where are we going?"

"Where?" he asked

"Well, a date should be somewhere nice, right?"

A smile appeared on his face.

"I know a place," he murmured.

"Let's go."

Hand in hand, the dawn rose on a new relationship at the base.

SOAP : 

— Wait, talk to me, we can fix this, he said, running after you into the bathroom.

— It’s not a problem, Johnny. It’s not a disagreement, you said, sitting on the floor.

— What is it then?

— ME! I’m... I’m completely useless. Seriously, all through this party, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t even drink. I was paralyzed by a panic attack, standing there like a statue while my friends wanted to celebrate. I ruined their moment, I... I’m not worth it. Every time they want to hang out, they look for uncrowded places because of me. They delay our meetings to make sure I don’t faint on public transport. They try to guess if today’s a good day for me before even suggesting anything. I’m a burden to them. And I hate myself for that. I hate that I can’t talk to people without overthinking, I hate that I faint in crowds, I can’t go outside when I want to, I can’t call people, I can’t even tell stories. Because I don’t have any; I’m stuck in a boring life with anxiety slowly eating me away.

— Is that what you think? he whispered. That you’re not worth it?

— Yes, you sobbed softly. Because it’s the truth.

— Do you think your friends see you as a burden? That they hang out with you because they have to?

— Yes.

— No. They hang out with you, they take your anxiety into account, they plan around your feelings because they want to. They wish they could see you every day because you’re a wonderful person, you’re a delight to be around. They know they can’t always see you, so they take care of you. I... take care of you. I can’t count the number of times I’ve wished to see you every day, to go out with you every day. But I love you too much to impose my desires on your anxiety. We love you, we do all this because we care about you. Tonight was a mistake.

— A mistake?

— We were supposed to be five, but Thomas’s friend invited more people, and it turned into a big party. We couldn’t warn you in time.

— So...

— We wanted you there, we wanted to celebrate with you, with our friends. Not with random drunk people.

— You love talking to drunk people.

— I love talking to people, period.

— I feel stupid.

— Then I’ll be stupid with you, scoot over.

— John, there’s no room to sit, we’ll be stuck in the bathtub.

— So?

He settled in. The two of you tangled up in an empty bathtub, a laugh escaped your lips.

— You’re ridiculous.

— I’m whatever you want me to be.

— Even bald?

— I admit, I won’t touch my hair.

— ...Do you... do you really want to see me more often?

— Yes. But I know how you... how you need your space after socializing.

— You sound like a personal development book.

— Maybe it’s from "Introvert’s Guide", I admit.

A sigh escaped, a smile forming.

— Thank you, John.

— No problem.

— You... you could come to my place, maybe.

— You-

— So we can see each other... more. More than just outside.

— Okay.

Slipping a key into his pocket, John could only take your hand and gently caress it.

— You deserve it, this happiness , believe me.

— I’ll try, you whispered.

KYLE : 

The silence lingered at the end of the line.

"You're supposed to answer after a “how are yo”, you know?" Kyle said.

Usually they would have said “yes I’m fine.”

But that wasn't the case. It never had been. But they had always managed to lie, to downplay their problems. Yet their trembling lips betrayed them, letting slip the truth.

"That's not the case."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, I was catching up."

Idiot. Kyle Garrick was nothing if not a stubborn and obstinate man.

"You think I'm going to buy that?"

"Kyle, I'm not sure that..."

"You just admitted what I've been waiting for months to hear. I'm not letting go."

"You were waiting?"

"Do you really think I believed you? You... you talked about your neighbor for hours to avoid my questions, please, just answer me."

"Have you ever wondered why I always seemed to mess everything up?"

"You..."

"I wonder every day. My parents barely talk to me, I did an art degree to avoid finishing my bachelor's and being in debt, I started a history degree only to end up cleaning after my graduation, unable to find a teaching position. I lost my apartment, my dog, my first love, and my second. And my college friends. And today, my job, and they all say the same thing, it's my fault. So Kyle, tell me, did I ruin your life too?"

The sound of the line crackled.

"No."

"You can't lie, I..."

"Your parents are disappointed that their prodigy of a child didn't do what THEY wanted for you. Your art school was filled with artists copying from the internet. Teaching positions come and go every year. You're just young, and as for your friends, they were nothing but hypocrites, taking advantage of your notes and then leaving. Your exes had their flaws and projected them onto you. They're all idiots if they think you're the bane of their existence, because now, they must realize how much you helped them. You mattered. You matter."

"Kyle."

"I wouldn't know who to call, who to tell the stupid things I see here to forget if you weren't there. I know you ask me to describe the scenery in each of my calls so I don't remember my missions, that you don't talk about my work to give me a bubble. And it matters to me, you matter to me enormously."

"I'm just trying to... help you."

"Then let me help you in return. Why don't you... why don't you come to my apartment?"

"Kyle, what?"

"You don't have a job anymore, do you? Rent is expensive and you have nothing holding you back. Come to England. My parents know a university, you could work there as a teaching assistant or find something else."

"Why?"

"Because you deserve better. I don't want to play the savior, I... it's selfish, but knowing that when I come back, I'll find you in my apartment is a selfish wish. I can't just settle for calls anymore, I want to hear your voice every morning."

"As friends?"

"No."

"I see."

"But if that's how you see us, then I'll respect your choice and my offer will always stand."

"I can't ask you to let me move in with you if I know that."

"I'll do anything for you."

"You're stubborn."

"Yes."

"I... I'll think about it."

"You haven't given me an answer."

"Do I really need to?"

"No. I... damn it, I wish I could kiss you."

"You'll have to wait until you come back."

"I can't wait."

If you want more : masterlist.

[00ops1e]

taskforce 141 + könig x sick! reader

warnings: emetophobia trigger warning, mentions of puking/being sick, fluff, hurt/comfort maybe??, not proofread a/n: omg here it is. the first cod thing ive written! but not actually theres some filth hiding in my documents. this is totally lowkey a self insert. geared towards female! reader but if you squint at the petnames could be gn. i've been so so sick lately and tbh scares me a lil but what cant be fixed by fictional men?? nothing.

Ghost

 A little bit of a germaphobe

Will take off his mask, but replace it with a medical mask

Only so he can still hold you, just with a peace of mind

He does NOT want to get sick too

Because then how could he take care of you?

Always has a puke bowl at the ready

Orders your favorite takeout, even if you don’t feel like eating

Because hes a firm believer in leftovers.

Which may just be the cause of this

But you'd never tell him. poor man would get so guilty he had forgotten to throw it away.

Puts on a movie and lets you fall asleep on his chest

I feel like he’s a cold-blooded type of person, doesn’t generate much heat

but makes up for it in comfort

so many blankets

so so many. 

Checks your temperature in your sleep

Lowkey counts respirations just to be sure

Makes sure you keep hydrated

Will bring you to urgent care if he’s really worried

No matter how much you protest!

Soap

Squeamish when it comes to throwing up

Will try his very best to stay with you, but sometimes ends up running from the room

Because the last thing he'd wanna do is gag at you

While hes ran away he gets a cold rag to press on your forehead, and clean you up a bit in the process

"yer hidin? awh bonnie i wasnt meanin' to embarrass ye" he says while taking your chin in his hand, forcing you to meet his eyes

"sickness and health yeah? i wanna take care of you"

Insists on rubbing vicks/ vaporub on you

Not because hes a little perv (he is)

But because he loves you and the sniffles break his little heart

peppers kisses across your collarbones, vicks smell clogging his nose

but he’s too focused on the goosebumps that rise on your skin, your little shivers

“Awh, my poor sick lass,”

Constantly checking for a fever

Forcing you to stay in bed, even after you feel better, “not takin chances, rest up.”

this man on the other hand is a human space heater

throwing a blanket on and off the two of you, getting too hot and then shortly after too cold. 

not as convenient when it’s hot out lol

head rubs 

head rubs

Gaz

Tries to bring you to a doctor/ urgent care immediatley

Will try to call an ambulance over a slight fever

Stocks up on pedialyte/makes sure youre hydrated

Cuddles constantly, does not care if he catches anything

loves being the big spoon so he can lay in the crook of your neck and still hold onto you tight 

Has extra blankets on deck

entertains you with silly little jokes

but then apologizes while giggling because you laughed so hard it hurt a little. 

Will feed you cold medicine/tums

teases you when you complain about taking them

“i don’t need you gettin any grumpier love”

Will hold back your hair/ stroke your back while youre getting sick

gets offended when you get embarrassed about it

“are you judging my girl?” he teases you

Tries his best to cook, but lowkey fails miserably

Resorts to cup of noodles and lipton packets. 

Price

Such dad vibes

Will make soup or other comfort foods from scratch

And his cooking skills are unmatched

Runs you a shower/bath and washes your hair for you

back rubs and massages

pressing small kisses to your shoulders as he works

also a human heater but not too hot, just the perfect temperature 

also just the perfect shape to spoon you, cradling every inch of your body

“I hate it when my baby’s sick,” he says, rubbing soft circles into your side

Doesnt even have to make a pharmacy run because hes so well prepared

Feeds you medicine, on the dot, every few hours after it wears off

(he totally sets reminders in his phone. [typing like an old person with reading glasses on])

Will stay in bed all day with you, quietly typing and mumbling to himself while you nap at his side

occasionally leaning down to kiss your forehead while he works

the computer goes away as soon as you wake up

"how're you feeling princess?"

loves having you in his arms, pulled close to his chest

Carries you to bed if you fall asleep on the couch (bridal style ofc)

Will hold your hair back, refuses to leave your side

“Of course youre not gross darling, we all get sick,”

Konig

rubs your back as you're hunched over the toilet

will sit down with you on the floor, back up against the bathtub when its too much of a risk to leave the bathroom

just wants to keep you company :(

"take as long as you need, liebling"

fills up the tub while still convincing you to get in

he promises you'll feel better after

caves and offers to join you as a last resort to get you cleaned up

Long baths, cuddling in the warm water

Letting the steam clear your sinus

Brushes and braids your hair

when you start feeling better but are still running a fever, hes worried.

but youre dealing with a burst of energy and simply must start with the housework

konig will put you over his shoulder and escort you back to bed

will paint your nails in bed to entertain you, anything to keep you still and in bed

Lets you put your cold feet on him, but only when you dont feel good

totally unprepared because i feel like this man has an immune system of steel

makes a quick pharmacy run, but has to call you for the shopping list bc oops he forgot 

depending on how sick you are, lets you come along for the ride

“promise you’ll stay in the car ja?”

always returns with a sweet little treat or small gift/toy for you

“gesundheit!” as he chuckles at your sneeze 

jokes that maybe he should put a mask on you

[lambtotheslaughterr]

Rise : Chapter Eleven

A Rafe Cameron Series

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 5.3k

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

CHAPTER TEN | MASTERLIST | CHAPTER TWELVE

            Your head pounded. You winced at the discomfort, reaching blindly for the bottle of water you kept on the nightstand next to the bed. But when your hand only swept through air, you finally peeled your eyes open. The room you were in looked vaguely familiar. As you sat up, your head screamed & you held it in your hands, massaging it. Then you felt the lump just below your hairline. What the…

            Then it all came flooding back to you.

            Nuha’s health, Bear & you splitting off, your attempt to get to Adrianna, one of Rafe’s men knocking you out.

            Asshole.

            But you couldn’t be surprised. This was the new world. Assault first, questions later. Or at least you hoped.

            Biting back the pain, you slipped off the bed. You looked around. It was the room you & Sayyed had shared when you all lived there. How fitting.

            You went to the door, expecting it to open but it didn’t budge.

            “Seriously?” You said to no one. There was no lock on the door, but they must have installed one on the other side. “Fucking great.”

            In a fit of frustration, you kicked it once. But just after you had, the handle jiggled & turned, the door opening. You instantly bounced back, preparing for the same man who hit you to appear. But this time, it was a friendly face.

            “Kai!” You breathed a sigh of relief, rushing forward & hugging him.

            He hugged you back after closing the door behind him.

            “I’m relieved it’s you.” You shared, pulling back to look at him. But the happiness you felt was brief. He looked fucked up, like lost a fight fucked up. He sported a black eye & had some bruising on his jawline.

            “What happened to you?” You frowned.

            Kai’s eyes shifted uneasily as he moved you backwards to sit on the bed, “What are you doing here, _____?”

            You didn’t want to change subjects so easily, concerned about your friend, but you were forced to remember why you were here.

            “I need Adrianna. It’s Nuha, she’s sick. Not that sick, but we think she won’t make it & we need Adrianna to help her.”

            Kai sighed, looking forlornly at the floor. He shook his head as he peeked at the closed door, “You shouldn’t have come here.”

            “But I had to. Nuha needs her.”

            Kai chewed on his lip, “That doesn’t matter. Everything comes at a price now.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            But when Kai didn’t say anything, you shook him, desperate for answers.

            “I’m talking about Rafe.” He lowered his voice to a whisper, his eyes constantly straying to the door as if he was scared of what was on the other side. Kai looked you in the eyes, “He won’t let Adrianna leave, & if he knows you’re here…”

            “He doesn’t know I’m here?” That was odd.

            “No, & I’d like to keep it that way. I want to help you get out of here before he gets back.”

            You were grateful for his concerns, but you couldn’t worry about yourself, you had to at least try for Nuha.

            “Kai, I can’t. Nuha, she—”

            “I know what you said.” Kai cut you off abruptly, his voice turning harsh, impatient. He stood up then, staring hard at you, “But we can’t help you. You’ll have to find another way.”

            No. You wouldn’t accept that.

            “I am not leaving here without Adrianna. Kai, I’m not.”

            He stared at you, his eyes filled with fear, worry, anger. But as you two held eye contact, he finally shook his head, “Then I hope you know what you’re doing.”

            Kai crossed the room to the door. As he opened it, he glanced at you over his shoulder, “If you’re here when Rafe gets back, don’t expect to leave. Ever.”

            “Wait, Kai—”

            But he closed the door behind him & you listened as he relocked it.

            “Goddamnit!” You spit, running your hands through your hair.

            Now what?

            So far, Kai had been right. There was no way out. Out of the room at least. The door still wouldn’t budge & the room had been wiped clean of any potential items that would help you break out. The windows themselves were nailed shut. They hadn’t been like that when you stayed here. Rafe had turned the lakehouse into a prison. And you were one of its prisoners.

            Kai never came back to check on you, not even to bring water or food. And after scouring the room, your backpack wasn’t anywhere to be found either. They definitely had it, probably having already taken everything out of it for themselves, not that there would be much anyway. You tired yourself out after trying to pull the nails out of the window. Breaking them & jumping out would be an option but the sound of glass breaking would only bring notice to yourself. There was no way to get out without drawing attention. And the more you sat by yourself in that room, the louder Kai’s warning echoed.

            You weren’t sure how long you were in the room for before you hear a collection of voices outside.

            Moving from the bed, you peeked out the window. You gulped at the sight of Rafe just below. He was with Adrianna, Micah, & the second man you had seen with them a month ago. Kai & the man who knocked you out met them halfway on the deck. Their voices were low enough that you couldn’t make out what they were saying but as you continued to watch, Rafe’s eyes suddenly flew up to where you stood. You pushed yourself backwards, out of sight. There was no question that they were telling them about you being up there. Hiding was pointless. But you still hid.

            Your heart was racing, your stomach flipping.

            A door slammed downstairs & you stared at the door to your room. Footfalls sounded throughout the lower level until you heard them on the stairs. He was coming.

            You quickly glanced around the room but there was no object you could use to defend yourself if it came to it. It would be you against Rafe & all his rage.

            The door handle jiggled & you watched in horror as it finally unlocked, the door swinging open.

            Rafe stood on the other side of the threshold, not stepping through, just staring at you. Everything about him scared you in that moment.

            The lack of light in the hallway behind him only added to his sinister stance. He cocked his head as he took you in, as you took him in.

            “It’s really you.” He finally said. But you couldn’t say anything. You hated how pathetic you likely looked but there was nothing you could say or do that would intimidate him. He was the boss here.

            “Finally coming crawling back, huh?” Rafe finally stepped into the room, closing the door behind him though his eyes never left you.

            “I’m not crawling back.” You responded in short.

            Rafe chuckled darkly at that. He leaned against the door then, his arms crossing in front of his chest, “No?”

            “I need Adrianna’s help.” You told him, trying to steel yourself against his heated stare.

            “Okay.”

            Okay? You frowned at his response. You knew better than to mistake that as an acceptance.

            “Okay, so. Can I see her?”

            Rafe smiled, shaking his head, “No.”

            You pressed your lips together, not wanting to react the way you knew he was wanting you to. You inhaled sharply, trying to think a way out of this. But Rafe interrupted your thoughts.

            “You really think you can come back here asking for help & getting what you want without consequence?”

            “What consequence? I didn’t come here as a threat.”

            Rafe’s eyes darkened at that. He uncrossed his arms & stepped forward, slowly moving towards you. You backed further but was met with the wall quickly. There was no more space to put between you as he continued moving forward.

            “Are you forgetting about how you kicked us out? Sent us away like we were nothing, meant nothing.”

            Of course you hadn’t.

            “Or how about how you let your precious boyfriend pick a fight with me after you left me alone in the woods?”

            You refrained from rolling your eyes. Is that what this was about? His pride? Ego?

            “Rafe—”

            “No!” Rafe shouted. He was now at the foot of the bed. Only a few between the two of you, “I’m talking. You’re listening.”

            A shudder parted your shaky lips.

            “You really think that we’re still friends?” Rafe grinned madly, “In this world? How…naïve. Friends don’t exist anymore.”

            “Look, I know you’re upset about how everything went down but this is bigger than that.”

            “I don’t give a fuck if Nuha dies.” Rafe revealed, “I don’t give a shit about any of them. What I care about is my survival.”

            You wanted to rebut how selfish he was being but knew better. He was not who he was before the world ended. He said it as such, he didn’t give a shit about any of you.

            “Fine.” You tried to appear unfazed by his admittance, “Then I’ll just go.”

            The likelihood of surpassing Rafe easily, let alone actually leaving the lakehouse, didn’t escape you. But you tried to play it as coolly as possible. However, as expected, Rafe stepped in front of you. You nearly ran into him as he did, so you went to step back but he shot a hand out, gripping your wrist harshly.

            “You’re not going anywhere, _____.” Rafe stared down at you, his eyes carrying that mischievous glint you knew so well, “We both know that.”

            And you did. But you feared your stay here would end with you in the ground.

            You felt like a piece of meat surrounded by ravenous vultures. Rafe had brought you down from the bedroom shortly after your reunion, & now you were surrounded by former friends & new enemies.

            You were sat on the couch in the living room as the others stood around you. They were bickering, arguing about what to do with you. Right in front of you. You knew well enough that it was a scare tactic, & it was working. You were terrified.

            “We should just fucking get rid of her.” Micah shared shamelessly. When he first laid eyes on you as Rafe brought you downstairs, you wouldn’t have been surprised if he was the first one to get his hands around your neck. The look in his eyes felt like you were staring at death itself.

            “We’re not doing that.” Rafe responded, much to Micah’s disapproval. He cast you a murderous glare. How could he still blame you for Millie’s death?

            The other two men—whose names were Matt & Robbie—were leaning towards Micah’s suggestion. You surmised it was easier for them to want to get rid of you since they didn’t know you, but what did that say about Micah? Fortunately, it was three against three though. Rafe, Adrianna, & Kai were against your death, while the other three were for it. But what the three who wanted you dead didn’t account for was that Rafe’s word was final.

            “So now we’re just gonna have another mouth to feed?” Micah stared at Rafe.

            “Maybe.” Rafe seemed wholly unbothered by Micah’s challenge, “But she’ll earn her keep first.”

            “Kill me.” You interjected, much to the surprise of Kai who sat near you on the couch.

            Adrianna’s brows creased, “What?”

            “I don’t want to stay here.” You admitted, knowing it was probably stupid to say, but if they were going to kill you, they’d take you outside to do it & out there you’d have a better chance of escaping. “Micah will kill me the second I turn my back on him.”

            “You won’t be alone with him.” Rafe informed you but you ignored him.

            “Doesn’t matter. I’m clearly not safe here. I’m not a friend. These three,” you gestured to the three men standing across from you by the fireplace, “want me dead. And Micah is right. You’re not gonna take care of me either unless I pull my weight & if I’m being honest, I’m not going to.”

            Adrianna’s concerned eyes flashed to Rafe’s to gauge his reaction.

            “So, you want us to kill you?” Rafe rounded to the front of the couch to face you. You stared up at him.

            “It’s gonna happen sooner or later.” You told him, “We both know that.”

            Rafe narrowed his eyes, seemingly contemplating your words. Then he stepped forward, kicking your legs apart so he could stand between them. You leaned further into the couch, but it did little to ease you. He was asserting his authority before you, before everyone.

            “Everyone out.” Rafe’s voice was hard, stiff.

            “Dude, Rafe.” Micah started but Rafe tossed him a glare over his shoulder, “Out. Now.”

            You wetted your lips, your nerves shot as you watched in your peripheral as the others filed out of the house. Kai was the last to leave & you noted the look of fear in his eyes. Once they were all out, the sliding glass door sealed shut, you were officially left alone with Rafe.

            “Do you want to die, _____?” He remained where he stood between your legs.

            You scoffed, trying to hide your own fear, “Of course I don’t. But I’ve seen how easy it is for you to get rid of someone who won’t pull their weight. I’m not stupid. I know what comes after that.”

            Rafe nodded but said nothing. Then he bent over at the waist, placing each hand on the back of the couch until he was completely leaned over you. “You’ve seen me?”

            Right. Rafe never knew about you seeing them in the woods across the lake a month ago. None of them did. It’s the only reason you & the others were able to escape.

            “The old man.” Your voice was growing softer, lower.

            “What old man?”

            “The one you killed. Or Micah killed, whatever.”

            “You saw that?” Rafe looked mildly impressed, “What were you doing out there?”

            You gulped. Did you lie? Say you were out scavenging, or did you admit the truth? That you were seeking them out, to be with them.

            “Ahh.” Rafe smirked, “I get it now. You must’ve found my note.”

            Your lack of response confirmed his suspicions.

            “I wouldn’t have wasted you like that guy. He was useless.”

            “He was innocent.” You bit back, “And you still killed him. You’ll only do the same to me.”

            Rafe stared at you, his eyes tracing the features of your face, “I’d never hurt you. Not seriously, anyway.”

            A frustrated gasp left you, you shook your head, “You’re lying.”

            “I’m not.” Rafe reached up to brush your hair behind your shoulders. A wave of goosebumps left in his wake. “You’re the last person in this world I’d hurt.”

            “Then let me go.” You pleaded, “I’ll tell the others that I didn’t find you guys. We’ll stay separated.”

            At the mention of the others, Rafe’s mood changed drastically. His eyes darkened as he stood straight, knocking your legs out of the way as he left you on the couch. You glanced over your shoulder, watching as he opened an ice chest. He pulled out two bottles of beer, popping the cap off both. He returned to you, offering you one. You ignored the offer. He sighed annoyingly before placing it on the coffee table. Then he sat down on the edge of the table, taking a swig of the beer himself before looking at you.

            “Where are the others?”

            You shook your head, “You know I’m not going to tell you that.”

            Rafe smiled knowingly, likely having anticipated your refusal.

            “Why? Scared I’m going to go after them.”

            “I know you will.” You admitted, “You said it yourself earlier. About consequences for kicking you out.”

            Rafe nodded in agreement, “You need Adrianna for Nuha.”

            You said nothing, not liking the look in his eyes.

            “I’ll let you take her.”

            What? The mistrust on your face was evident as Rafe filled in the gaps for you, “But we come with.”

            “No.” You replied fast. “It’s Adrianna alone or no one at all.”

            “No one?” Rafe questioned, “Not even yourself.”

            You released a deep exhale, “Not even me.”

            “They won’t come looking for you?”

            “I told them not to.” You revealed. It didn’t matter what Rafe knew as long as he didn’t know where they were.

            “Wow.” Rafe laughed sheepishly, “It’s interesting seeing how readily you are to give yourself up to protect them. Where was that when Sayyed was kicking us out?”

            “It was for the best & you know it.” Rafe would never understand, & you didn’t expect him to.

            “The best?” He glared at you. You saw a vein pop in his neck. “You scared of me, _____?”

            The answer was obvious, but you still couldn’t admit it out loud. So you ventured through another route, “I don’t know you.”

            Your answer intrigued him.

            “I used to.” You continued, “But not anymore. You’re violent, selfish, reckless.”

            A scream burst from you at the sound of glass shattering. Your body shook as you stared at the wall to your left as beer dripped from the center of it.

            “Violent?” Rafe stood up, his face growing red, “Selfish? Reckless?”

            Before you could put up a fight, Rafe reached down & snatched your jaw, pulling you up from the couch so he could press his nose against yours, “Violent like how I kicked that creep’s ass for putting his hand up your skirt at last year’s summer break party?

            You winced as he dug his fingers into your cheeks, his nails stinging the skin there, “Selfish like how I rallied the others to get Micah back from those fucking losers?”

            “Rafe, please, you’re hurting me!” You winced as he used his other hand to grip the back of your hair, angling your neck painfully so you were forced to look up at him more, “Reckless like how I would go out there right now & put a bullet in Micah’s skull if it meant you felt safer?”

            “Don’t.” You whined.

            “Is that what you mean?” When you said nothing he pulled your hair harder, making you cry out, “Huh?! Is it?!”

            “Let go!” You pushed against him, but he didn’t budge. Instead he tossed you onto the couch. You barely had time to recover before Rafe was on top of you.

            “You want violent? Selfish? Reckless?” Rafe huffed in your ear as he reached for the top of your shorts. “I’ll show you then.”

            “Rafe, no!” You screamed as his nails left scratch marks down your hips & thighs, ripping your shorts & underwear away from your body.

            “Shut up.” His voice was low as he wrestled with you, “You stupid bitch.”

            You flipped onto your back, aiming to kick him in the chest but he caught your leg before swiping your face with the back of his hand. A pained gasp escaped you at the physical assault. Rafe forced your legs apart & made room for himself between them.

            “Stop, no, no, please, Rafe, no!”

            He clapped a hand over your mouth as hot tears spilled from your eyes. Your fists did nothing to deter him as he shimmied his jeans down his hips, pulling himself out. The sight of his erect cock forced you to fight back harder but every pitiful punch or attempt to kick him off was futile. Rafe was going to take what Rafe wanted.

            “Rafe!” A shout came from behind the couch, & you couldn’t see who it was, but in the midst of chaos you recognized it as Kai’s, “What the fuck are you doing?!”

            “Get the fuck outta here!” Rafe hollered behind him as he used his hand to situate his dick near your entrance. Fuck, please no!

            “Oh my god.” It was female this time, & that meant Adrianna. “Rafe, stop it!”

            Over Rafe’s shoulder, you saw as Kai raced towards the two of you, but just as he was about to reach you two, Micah appeared & caught him by the back of his shirt, throwing him backwards. Rafe, much to your relief, paused in his assault to see what the commotion was.

            “Get him the fuck out before I bury him next to Millie!”

            Micah stared wide-eyed at the two of you, but unlike the looks of concern on Kai & Adrianna’s faces, he seemed excited. Like he was pleased with Rafe for doing what he was doing. In that moment, all of the happy memories of Micah in your mind were completely wiped. You didn’t know him either.

            In the brief moment of distraction that you had, you swiped Rafe’s hand from your mouth & knocked your head into his. The impact was dizzying & you felt immediately nauseous, but you had no time to waste. Rafe rolled off you & you slipped off the couch, running for the back of the house.

            “Goddamnit!” Rafe screeched, “Get a fuckin’ hold on him!”

            But you were only reaching the corner to the hallway that led to the rear entrance when you heard Rafe running after you. You raced forward, the back door just a few feet away. You didn’t care if you had to run all night & all day with no backpack, half nude to escape Rafe. You wouldn’t quit running.

            Just as your hand touched the doorknob though, you felt another yank on your hair. A yelp left you as Rafe turned you around to face. The look on his face was horrifying. You resisted against him, but he only glared hotly at you.

            “I told you, _____.” Rafe began, “You’re not going anywhere.”

            And then he slammed your face into the wall. Immediately, you tasted blood in your mouth as you collapsed to the ground. The hallway was dark & your vision blurred & swaying as you clung to consciousness. Rafe towered over you, watching as you slowly lost your grip on reality. This was it, you thought to yourself, Rafe would never let you go.

            You woke with a start, practically falling off the bed you woke up on, but a pair of hands prevented you from doing so. You spun around & were faced with none other than Rafe. He was shirtless, lying under the sheets with you. A white hot pain flared at the center of your face & you whined.

            “That’s what happens when you fight back.” Rafe commented as you gently touched your nose. You winced at the minor contact. Then you glanced down at yourself. You were completely naked but as you wriggled under the covers, you didn’t feel sore anywhere else except your face.

            “They may have called me Roofie Rafe in school, but I actually prefer my girls awake.” Rafe shared, surmising what you were realizing.

            “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” You spit. You wanted to get off the bed, away from him, but his hands were secure on your hips as he stared at you. “That you want me to be awake while you rape me?”

            Rafe sighed, annoyed, “Would you rather I fuck you while you’re unconscious?”

            “I’d rather you leave me the fuck alone, Rafe!” You yelled, “Let me go!”

            And so the events of the previous night began where they left off. Rafe wrestled you onto your back, & you cried & fought against him as he found himself a place between your legs.

            “Shh, shh.” Rafe cooed, attempting to calm you but it only provided the opposite, “It’s nothing we haven’t done before.”

            You shed more tears, recalling your tryst in the woods. But that had been different. Somewhat. At least you had coke to fuel your desires then.

            And as if reading your mind, Rafe reached into the nightstand on your side of the bed, pulling out a little baggie of white power. You realized it was the exact same one he had given you. You had kept it in your backpack.

            “You never partook in my gift.” Rafe commented, “Maybe now you’ll want to. Whatever is easier. Because this is happening, whether you want it to or not.”

            You shook beneath him, staring at the baggie dangling from between his fingers. You hadn’t touched the shit since your night with Rafe in the woods. You didn’t want to. But in that moment, it was the only sort of reprieve you could think of that would make what Rafe would undoubtedly do next easier.

            “What do you say?” Rafe smiled, “For old times’ sake.”

            Sniffling, you warily reached for it, but as you did Rafe pulled it away. He leaned back to stay kneeled on the balls of his feet, still between your legs. He then grabbed your forearm & pulled you to sit up as well.

            You tried to calm your racing heart as you watched Rafe pour a bump out onto the fatty part of his hand. Then he offered it to you, his brows raised with expectancy.

            “Open up.”

            Leaning forward, you sealed one nostril as you inhaled the substance with the other. You smacked your lips together as you tasted the grains in the back of your throat. Rafe poured out another for himself. You two did two more bumps together. And for a moment, despite being fully naked together, despite the pain in your nose, despite how your former friends were downstairs knowing what was happening upstairs, you were cast into a memory. One where you & Rafe would sneak into his room at frat parties to do a couple lines. You remembered how this man was once a friend, a confidant. And now, there he was getting you coked out so he could have his way with you.

            You knew in the morning you would never be able to look at yourself the same way again.

            When there was barely any left in the baggie, Rafe dipped his finger inside & collected the remaining powder onto his index finger. Then with his other hand, he cupped your chin & angled your face upwards. At this point, you were high, scarily & blissfully so. It had been so long since you’d done coke, & you missed the euphoria of carelessness if always gave you.

            Rafe used his thumb to tug on your lower lip, exposing your gumline, then he rubbed his finger with the coke on it along your gums. You watched through heavy-lidded eyes as his eyes stared at his finger in your mouth. Without thought, you closed your lips around his finger, sucking it lightly.

            He smirked at that, “There she is.”

            Pulling his finger from your mouth, Rafe then sealed your lips with his own. You felt yourself frowning as he kissed you, but you were having a hard time remembering why. You knew why, but you just couldn’t feel why anymore.

            As Rafe continued to bite & lick your lips, you felt him gently push you back until you were lying flat on the bed. He threw the covers off the both of you & hooked one of your legs over his hips. It was then that you felt the prodding at your entrance. You gasped, pulling out of the kiss & felt your fingers dig into his shoulders as he slowly began to push into you.

            A pleased sigh sounded in your ear as Rafe finally bottomed out. Then he leaned onto an elbow to look at you. You couldn’t look away from him as he shifted his hips & began to fuck you.

            “You don’t have any idea how often I’ve thought about this.” Rafe confessed breathlessly. “How many nights I spent in that house hearing you, picturing you, wanting it to be that was making you feel good.”

            You didn’t. Sayyed had been right. Rafe never saw you as a friend.

            “Now,” Rafe kissed from your collarbone to your jawline back to your mouth, “I can fuck you as much as I want, whenever I want.”

            Shivers shot up your spine as Rafe’s cock stroked your G-spot. You couldn’t help the mewl that escaped you. It felt so good, too good. But you shook your head. Images of him hitting you, ripping your clothes off kept flashing in your mind. Tears returned but you weren’t crying. You weren’t sure what you were. Neither here nor there. Not really. Somewhere in between, floating aimlessly.

            Rafe’s hips snapped against yours as his pace picked up, & you could do nothing but cling to him as he fucked you mercilessly. Your thoughts, feelings, memories, fears all blended together, confusing you as you felt yourself getting pushed closer & closer to the edge. You fluttered your eyes closed, trying to make sense of the world but there was no world. That much you knew. And right now, your world consisted of only Rafe. How he would love to know that.

            You felt a hand cup the side of your face, “Look at me.”

            Without thought, you opened your eyes, & Rafe was all you saw. All you felt. He grinned a maddening grin.

            “You’re in my world now, _____.” A strained moan left your throat as you felt your orgasm crash around you. Rafe’s face blurred into the background as you spasmed around his cock, milking it. He groaned proudly.

            “And you’re never leaving it.”

            It was evening when your mind became yours again. You sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the window. You couldn’t face the rest of the room. The unmade bed, the smell of sex in the air, all of it a brutal reminder about how you had let Rafe rape you. Fuck the coke, you had stopped fighting. You promised yourself you never would, but you had. Easily.

            The only realization that brought you any comfort was that the others would be safe. Nuha may die, but if she didn’t at least her, Sayyed, & Bear would be safe, far away from Rafe. It was that thought alone that made what you had done okay. They would never know about your betrayal. And they would live.

            A knock sounded on the door behind you. You stood up, facing it. After Rafe got what he wanted you, he rewarded you with your clothes. But you still felt naked as the person stepped into the room. It was Robbie. The one who knocked you out. He was tall, over six feet, & was built like a footballer. You thoughtlessly wondered why someone of his size hadn’t taken Rafe out, but small minds were easily corrupted, body size be damned.

            “Come with me.”

            “Where?” You stayed where you stood. If you didn’t trust Rafe & Micah, you trusted these strange men even less.

            “Don’t worry, princess. Rafe says you’re not to be harmed.”

            You scoffed internally at that. Rafe had hurt you the most.

            “Now, come with me before I drag you out of here.”

            Swallowing your refusal, you rounded the bed & slipped by him, sure not to touch him as he led the way down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, Robbie brought you into the kitchen & you were concerned to see everyone waiting in there.

            Rafe had a map laid out on the island but lifted his eyes to yours when you entered.

            “What?” You asked.

            “I never thought you were smart,” It was Micah who spoke first as he smirked snobbishly at you, “but you really are fucking dumb.”

            Rafe cast him a look but said nothing.

            Confused by what Micah was referring to, your eyes finally focused on the map. It looked like the one you had to help you navigate from the cabin you lived in with the others back to the lakehouse here. But as you stepped closer, you felt the air leave your lungs. It wasn’t just any map. It was your map. How could you be so fucking stupid? Because right there, circled in black eighty miles north of the lakehouse was the cabin.

            Your eyes flashed to Rafe’s. He smiled.

            “Looks like you’re gonna get your wish after all.” He said, nodding towards Adrianna, “We leave in twenty.”

a dooooooohoooohoooozzzzzyyyy! i've been so excited for this chapter so i'm excited to hear what you all are thinking/feeling too! so please, as always comment, reblog w reviews, talk to me in my ask box. you guys keep me going.

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The Filler Fics Pt.1

Beach Day Pt.1- Travel

Part 2

TW: Canon divergence, military inaccuracies, mentions of injuries/hospitals Inspired by @shyravenns art Summary: This is the first of many sitcom-style filler fics. Yk, the ones where they go to the beach, or go to the store, etc, etc. I am open to suggestions, as I don't really watch sitcoms, so please comment or request or DM me ideas!! This one is, of course, a beach-day fic that I have spilt into 2 parts. this is the getting there portions, pt.2 will be the beach :) WC:1080

It had been a long few months. The threat of global annihilation, the hunt for Makarov, Soap getting shot, it was just a lot, and they all needed a break.

Price had watched Gaz and Ghost spend night after sleepless night at Soap’s bedside, refusing to do anything until the Scotsman woke up. And he had been right there with them, although Ghost wouldn’t talk to him, the Lt. still pissed that Price’s actions, or rather inactions, may have gotten Soap killed. Price couldn't blame him. It’s not like he hadn’t been fixated on that one moment, mentally berating himself for stopping Soap from killing Makarov in the first place. He would have gotten in a shit-load of trouble for it, but anything would have been better than…well, he didn’t even want to think it.

The team couldn’t take another loss so soon after Roach’s death. Price knew that. Knew that if Soap didn’t make it his team would fall apart. And it would be his fault. 

Thankfully, Soap was alright. He’d woken up a little disoriented, with no recollection of the week leading up to his…head wound. Other than some faint ringing in his ear and occasionally bouts of dizziness, he was alright, much to the relief of his squad members. However tensions were still running high. Just because the Scotsman was awake and talking didn’t mean the very real fear that his friends had felt over the past few weeks had vanished.  

There were nights Price found himself studying Soap, watching the rise and fall of his chest proving he was alive. He’d seen Ghost reach up from his bunk and grab the Scot’s wrist, checking for a pulse after waking from what Price assumed was a nightmare. Things got a little better once Soap didn’t have to wear gauze over the wound anymore, but the scar was still an ugly reminder of what had almost happened.  

Soap was constantly mother-henned now, not allowed to do training, having meals brought to him, never going anywhere by himself. It was starting to piss him off, and Price could see it. Tensions were running high, and it was only a matter of time before someone snapped. 

“Give the boys some time off, time away from the battlefield. Time to recuperate and settle back in. They’ll be okay.” Laswell told him at their bi-weekly meeting they hadn’t had in 3 months. Price booked 4 flights and a week-long stay at a beach-house off the Coast of California that same night.

However, the flight left in 5 hours and he still hadn’t told his men. He moves through the base, heading towards the rec room that he knew they hang out at, hoping they are all in one spot. 

Aaaaand bingo!

 Ghost is sprawled out on the couch, Soap sitting on the floor, leaning against his thigh, with Gaz in the armchair opposite, watching some stupid show on the little TV they have. Price can’t help but stare at the long, inch wide streak where Soap’s hair hadn’t quite grown back, a grim reminder of how close he came to losing one of his men. His eyes are drawn from Soap's skull by Gaz’s laughter, the man's head tilted back, shoulders shaking at something that was said on the T.V. 

The show cuts to commercial, and Price figures it’s as good a time as any to cut in. 

“Alright boys, pack your bags. We’re going stateside.” All three of them look up at Price in varying degrees of confusion, “Laswell decided after Soap's near-death experience we all needed a little R&R, so we’re heading to the beach.” 

“Ah’ll finally get tae see that ‘impeccable bronze’, eh Lt?” Soap nudges Ghost, a grin splitting his face.

“We’ll see Johnny.” 

“The beach, captain?” 

“Yes Gaz, the beach. You got complaints, go talk to Laswell.” 

“Hey, no complaints here sir! Just makin’ sure.”

“Good. Because we leave in an hour so you don’t have time to complain anyway.” 

“An hour??”

“No time f’r y’r beauty regime, Gaz.” 

“Ah shaddup, just cause you’re jel-”

“Boys! Get to going!” 

“Aye sir!” Price shakes his head as he watches them file out, Gaz and Ghost subconsciously sandwiching Soap in between them. The Scot shoves Gaz, his shoulders shaking as the shorter man lets out an angry squawk.  Things have been tense, sure, but he can’t help his smile as his boys walk off, alive and well. 

Ghost hates flying. Well, sort of. Military transport ain’t bad in his opinion, but when he has to fly commercial? With civilians? And screaming babies? He hates it. Hates it hates it hates it. 

He's dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, a black surgical mask adorning his face. HE may have gotten comfortable with his team seeing his face, but the rest of the pubic had not lived through numerous near death experiences alongside him, and thus did not get that honor. Covid had at least helped with the stares, nowadays no one really batted an eyes at him, which did, surprisingly, ease his discomfort.

He shifts in line, sandwiched between Gaz and Soap as they wait to board. Soap is turned slightly, placing the scar on the side of his head directly in Ghost's line of sight. Gods he wishes he could look anywhere else. But its to no avail. No matter how many time Johnny had reassured him he was 'okay', Ghost couldn't get the image of his teammate, his brother-in-arms, his friend unconscious in his own blood, out of his head. He just couldn't.

Yeah, sure, he should have told the court-mandated therapist about that, but the she wouldn't have signed off on him going back to service and then where would he be? That right, no-

"Ghost!" He's snapped out of his reverie by Price, who is giving him the look. Whatever. Price should know by now that he wasn't gonna spill his guts to anyone, much less someone with the power to kick him off the team.

He hands his ticket to the attendant, mumbling a 'thank yo' before following along after Johnny, hands shoved in his pockets. Johnny takes the window seat, so he takes the aisle, condemning Gaz to the middle. Besides, he was the only one that would fit there anyways.

The plane takes off and, as if on cue, a baby starts screaming in the front. Ghost sighs and slouches in his seat. This was going to be a looooong flight.

Let me know what you think:))

[yudrein-aile]

I have reached ch 400 of turning. Kinda obsessed with the difference between the two timelines Kishiyu... Yudrain is like. Young! And doesn't understand politics that well. And there's so much baggage. And meanwhile Yuder is like. 30. He's constantly like "ah these young kids". There's still baggage but he is so much older and experienced and Kishiar responds to that differently than he did + different circumstances (like. Ch 400. Full info not yet revealed). Anyway I came to !!! Because idk who else to !!! At about this

Please !!! here any time, I love hearing your thoughts! sorry you're getting a whole god damn essay reply i had to put a read more.

Yuder is, and continues to be, incredibly harsh on his younger self, especially at the start, some of it is deserved - calling his younger self arrogant and quick to anger - but a lot of it, I think, is also just colored by how much was asked of him vs. how much he could do.

Yuder judges immediately in the first chapter that joining the Cavalry seemed "like a chance for dazzling success and thrilling adventures" as he had not "outgrown his boyishness". In the same paragraph he also judges that he didn't know anything about the intrigues and politics he'd find himself in, "that everything comes with a price, and that he was not well-suited for such pursuits".

In chapter 3 he straight up calls his twenty-year-old self "a poor country bumpkin with a gloomy expression".

So like, the impression we get of twenty-year-old Yuder, to me, is that of a 20 year old kid, who's not really socialized because his grandfather died seven years ago and he's been on his own ever since, and thinks that maybe getting to meet others like him, measuring his powers against them, would be fun.

Generally spekaing, the vibes I got from Yuder is that if he could, he would've done nothing but train all day. He's not interested in leadership, but then he's made Cavalry Commander. In chapter 2, he points out this rise in status himself:

"The previous Yuder had held a great deal of power and influence as the Cavalry commander of the Empire, but now he was nothing more than a young newcomer from the countryside. Who would actually listen to someone like that?"

Think back on the literary lessons - most Cavalry members couldn't even read or write when they joined the Cavalry. Yuder could read, but not really write well. Imagine that, he's twenty, he just learned how to write properly, Kishiar manages to mcfuck himself up during the Red Stone Retrieval Mission and decides "yes, that one will be my successor".

Like to Yuder, even ten years later, it seemed like Kishiar pretty quickly and decisively decided to make Yuder his successor.

Why did Kishiar La Orr pass the position of leader to Yuder at that time? And without any hesitation, as if it had been planned from the beginning.

And it's mentioned at times - a lot more later when Yuder knows what's up - we learn also that Yuder received proper lessons from Kishiar (and Nathan) and probably a whole bunch of other people to prep him for his work as Commander. Because Yuder does do well. The Cavalry is thriving, outpacing every other organization withing years. Sure, he's an interpersonal nightmare, but he did also pay for like parties if it was requested or so. And again, he went from semi literate commoner to Count and, argueably, one of the Emperor's most trusted men. That's insane.

And now in the second timeline, Yuder takes that knowledge with him. He knows what to expect, what he learned by trial and error. Just think about the second gender manifestations that go well. Heck, his own, I'd argue, is his turning (ha) point. The first 150ish chapters really do feel like Yuder's only in survival mode, but after his own second gender manifestation, the thing that IMO definitely fucked up his and Kishiar's relationship in the first timeline (mutual non-con my beloved trope <3), it's like an awakening (sorry full of bad puns today).

And for their relationship in the 2nd timeline!! Kishiar and Nathan both pick up that Yuder's more skilled than he should be. In chapter 17 we have this exchange:

"Nathan." "Yes." After Yuder left, Kishiar, staring at the chilled teacup on the opposite side, opened his mouth. Kishiar's cup was empty, but the one on the other side remained untouched, just as it had been from the start. "What do you think of that guy?" It was an unusual question. Nathan pondered for a moment before answering. "If I hadn't heard of his background beforehand, I would never have guessed he was a commoner." He was unmistakably a commoner, an orphan, barely twenty, yet he did not falter in front of Nathan, let alone in front of the noble duke who was as esteemed as the heavens.

And in chapter 59 we got:

Ever since first meeting him, Nathan Zuckerman had been continually investigating Yuder Aile's background. But just as his lord had predicted, there was nothing to find. His past was impeccably clean.

People regularly are in genuine awe of Kishiar because of the whole sun god thing, and I'd say in the first timeline, while also annoyed with Kishiar, to a degree did treat him according to station before he was made Commander and was even more annoyed with Kishiar.

And now here comes second timeline Yuder who had like. meals with the Emperor and knows Kishiar, to a degree at least.

And Kishiar very much picks up on this. He's got a prodigy on his hands who's not afraid to say what he means - not because of arrogance, but because he's straightfroward and correct. He's fascinated with Yuder to the point of propositioning him to figure out what he's on. (rip to Nathan hope you never learn of this).

Like, man if I have to put it into words, I think 2nd TL Kishiar falls in love because he's fascinated and interested by Yuder and wants to know him wholeheartedly, while for Yuder it hmm feels a lot more like hmm devotion/dedication to an ideal? Which makes Kishiar's genuine joy when he learns a small thing about Yuder a delight to read and vice versa when Yuder realizses why Kishiar acts in a certain way.

Like in 199 we got Kishiar saying , "I was merely asking out of curiosity. Isn't it a natural human tendency to want to know more about a subject of interest?"

(Also love how in 200 Yuder is like "Kishiar is so smart and skilled it's only a question of time until he manages to seduce me" babygirl what the FUCK is that thought process. can't you just say he's hot and charming and you both have a competency kink)

uuh. i think i lost the plot a little replying to your ask but like. yes. i love how the different circumstances shape their experience and attraction to each other,

[rascal-xo]

Hiiii!! I was hoping for a ghost x fem!reader where the reader is dead and ghost can't accept it and the others are worried about him. And one night he sees the reader beside him and hugs her in tears and wonders if she really here but his just hallucinating. I hope I didn't do the whole story for you.

The Call of The Void | Simon Riley x Female Reader |

Chapter summary: It’s been months since your untimely death, and Simon struggles to live in a world where you’re not there.

Warnings: DEATH, violence, angst, hallucinations hostile behavior, grief, alcohol use

Word count: 1.6K

taglist: @glitteryeggalmondherring @fiveshelmet @madamemelancholysstuff @myguiltypleasures21 @pukbadger

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get back to you, I hope I was able to capture your request like you had imagined :))

The atmosphere on small hill was quiet, except for the soft rustle of the grass and the distant chirping of birds. Simon felt overwhelmed with the emptiness that seemed to echo through peaceful surroundings as he found himself in front of a marked cement gravestone.

Your gravestone.

His face was bare under the early hours of morning, a glow casting over him from the rising sun. Simon kneeled in the grass. He brushed his hand over the top of the gravestone, tracing the letters of your name with his fingertips. He could feel the rough texture of the cement beneath his skin, a tangible reminder that you were truly gone.

Simon took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to center himself. He could feel his chest tightening, the pain of his loss threatening to overwhelm him farther. He had come here every day for the past 4 months to try and say goodbye, but he didn't know if he could do it.

He didn't know if he had the strength to let you go.

Every time he closed his eyes he could see the vivid flashbacks of that dreadful night playing on repeat in his mind, haunting him constantly.

- FLASHBACK - **TW: Descriptions of death and explosions**

Simon secured his headset, checking over the comms. He glanced over at you, watching as you carefully checked and readied your rifle, as always before a mission.

Your signature red bandana was tied on your head, keeping your hair out of your face as you focused on your gear. He smiled himself, shaking his head very slightly, admiring the way you carry yourself.

You looked up and caught his eye, "Nervous, L.T?" you teased, giving him a smile. Simon lips turned up beneath his mask, always warming at the sound of your voice. “Never that, Love.”

The mission that the team was about to embark on was dangerous, but it was necessary. You were tasked with recon of enemy cargo in a heavily guarded multi compound facility. It was a mission that required precision and skill, from both ground teams.

When the men reached the perimeter of the compound, they split up, Bravo Team, Soap and Ghost taking a different vantage point while Alpha Team, Gaz and the Captain went into the old launch facility across the compound.

You were positioned on a nearby rooftop, your rifle trained on the main gates.

“Ready on the cover, Sergeant?” Captain Price said, coming over the comms into your earpiece. You were positioned way out of their line of sight.

“All good up here, Cap.” You answered, confidently.

You quickly aimed and fired, taking out the first two guards. You remained focused and steady, picking off any other guards that tried to intervene, ensuring that your team could move forward smoothly.

“Do you ever miss, Lass?” Johnny teased over the comms.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, MacTavish.” You chuckled, speaking back. It was a dangerous game, but you were confident in your skills and training.

“Compounds been cleared. Moving to Alpha.” Soap suddenly said. You hadn’t received any updated information as of yet and continued to scan the area.

Ghost and Soap were already halfway to Alpha team when you cleared the area and began to follow behind. But as you touched ground below, your eye caught the a blinking red light from the first building indicating a remote system coming online.

“Compounds not clear, scanning for hostiles.” You say, turning around.

“Say again?” Captain Price replied firmly over the comms.

“Demolitions may have just went active. Somethings blinking.” You answer, you knew something was off and couldn't shake off the feeling. “I’m clearing it, i’ll be right behind you.”

“Negative, Move out NOW Sergeant!” He ordered, sternly.

“Fucking hell, Y/N.” Ghost added.

As you entered the control room, you found the source of the blinking light. A remote detonation system had been set up, and it was set to go off in a matter of moments. But nothing you did could’ve stopped what was about to ensue.

The darkness was suddenly pierced by a blinding flash of light, and then suddenly everything went dark. The explosion was massive, unleashing an intense wave of energy that rippled through the air, shattering windows and doors, and rattling the very foundations of the surrounding buildings.

“SERGEANT, HOW COPY?” The team scrambled to get to your location, and to get word from you. But there was radio silence on your end.

The air was filled with the acrid smell of burning debris, fuel, and smoke as Ghost was the first one to get to what was once the standing compound. The hostile had made a self destruct on the building that only you were able to detect, and it had made you its victim.

The explosion had ripped through the building, leaving a path of destruction in its wake. Smoke and dust still hung heavily in the air, casting an eerie haze over the scene. Simon couldn’t wrap his head around where to look for you, if you had even made it out.

He called out your name, hoping against hope that you would respond, but the only answer he received was the crackling of flames and the creaking of twisted metal.

As he got closer to the epicenter of the blast, Simon could see the destruction wrought by the explosion. Walls had been torn apart, and the roof had collapsed in on itself, forming a tangled mess of concrete and steel.

When he finally managed to find a red cloth sticking out from under, his worst fears were confirmed. There, beneath the rubble, laid your lifeless body. Simon's heart shattered into a million pieces at the sight of you.

Your hair was matted with dust and debris, and your clothes were torn and stained with blood. But despite the damage, your features were still recognizable, and your beauty shone through even in death.

Your lips were slightly parted, as if you had been caught mid-breath. “Oh sweet girl.” Simon’s voice broke, taking your body in his arms, lifting you from the broken concrete that fell onto your legs.

As he carried you back to the evac in that same hour, Simon took in every detail of your face, committing it to memory. He could see the faint scar on your forehead, the shape of your nose, the softness of your lips.

~ END FLASHBACK ~

Simon finally made his way back to base as he did every morning after slipping out before the sun had arose. His heart was slow and filled with a heaviness that hasn’t left since that day.

He pulled his mask over his face and walked through the front door. Price and Gaz were sitting at the small table in the kitchen area, and paused their conversation turning to look at him.

This was the first time in days he had shown himself. None of the men were able to get him to come out of his quarters. “Ghost.” Gaz spoke up.

His eyes met with the captains now pitiful ones, and he didn’t respond back knowing if he spoke nothing of good heart would come out.

He was angry at the world for taking you, at Price for recruiting you to the team in the first place. If he hadn’t, Simon wouldn’t have ever met you but at least you’d be alive.

Simon made his way to his room, shutting the door behind him with a quiet thud and throwing his balaclava somewhere on the ground.

He took a deep breath and walked over to the side table, grabbing the bottle of whiskey that he had left there the night before. He twisted off the cap and took a long swig, feeling the liquid burn down his throat.

He sank onto the edge of his bed, his eyes glazed over as he stared blankly at the floor beneath him.

The alcohol had started to take effect, but failing to numbing the pain in his chest ever so slightly. He took another swig, and then another, until the bottle was half-empty.

“Does this bruise look bad to you?” Simons head shot up at the echoing of your soft voice in the room.

You came out of the connected bathroom with a hand holding your shirt up to examine the deep bruise on your ribs. “Sons of bitches got me bad.” You chuckle, “Don’t worry they look worse.”

His head was playing a god awful trick on him, but he never wanted it to end. He watched the way you lit up the room, the way your eyes were familiarly glowing as they once used to. His chest pounded with an ache he couldn’t overcome.

Simon's hands trembled as they reached out to you, finding rest around your waist. He let out a strangled sob, feeling the weight of his grief press down on him once more.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked, his voice breaking.

Simon closed his eyes, melting into you. He could feel the warmth of your skin, the softness of your fingers against in his hair. It was as if you were really there with him.

His chest began to heave, his body shaking with quiet sobs. But just as you came into his life, within seconds you were gone with the breeze coming through the windows.

Simon opened his eyes and found himself alone in his room once again. The reality of loss hit him like a ton of bricks, and he felt a new wave of despair wash over him.

He felt lost and alone, adrift in a sea of grief and regret. Simon wanted to hate you for leaving him like this, to kill anyone who brought this upon you, but he would never be able to fill the void.

[fishcowwrites]

Casual - A Mcpricely Songfic

Kevin Price x Connor Mckinley from the Book of Mormon Musical

Part 1 of The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Mormon

Song is Casual by Chappell Roan 2.1k words

warnings: manipulation, abuse (physical, ever so slightly kind of alluded to sexual)

My friends call me a loser

cause I’m still hanging around

Connor Mckinley didn’t know what to do. He had sacrificed everything for Kevin with no reward. he lost his family and his faith for a boy who didn’t love him. Poptarts and some of the other elders had tried to comfort him, but their air of superiority was something Connor couldn’t handle.

I’ve heard so many rumors

that I’m just a girl that you bang on your couch

Word of what had happened had certainly gotten back to his family, not to mention the church. Connor went back to his old home once to pick up all his things, and he couldn’t handle the judgmental stares from everyone. This whole situation was definitely not helping his family’s perception of queer people.

I thought you thought of me better

someone you couldn’t lose

When they were first excommunicated, Kevin had finally stood up and taken charge. The book of Arnold took a very different stance on same-sex couples, and it was the push that Connor had needed to confess. The first couple of weeks had been pure bliss, with constant affirmations of love. Connor truly had thought that they’d be together forever.

you said “we’re not together”

so now when we kiss, I have anger issues

you said “baby, no attachment”

After a little while, the magic began to wear off. Kevin started to withdraw, stealing longing looks at any semi-decent man he happened to come across. When Connor confronted him, Kevin told the truth. Their “relationship” was a stance against the church. A bit of rebellious fun. But the sex was good, so why should it stop? Despite all of this, Connor couldn’t bring himself to disappoint Kevin. So, he let Kevin kiss him and touch him and fuck him while Connor choked back his tears and feelings alike.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now?

Their “first time” really was the first time for both of them. None of the other elders knew about them, so it couldn’t happen in the mission hut. Kevin had managed to convince Gotswana to lend them his truck, which he did begrudgingly. It was cramped and awkward and they didn’t know what to do, but the passion and thrill of it all was enough for them.

two weeks, 

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now?

Arnold, bless his soul, seemed none the wiser of the truth. When they all moved back to the states, he had been the most insistent of all the elders about keeping in touch. Most of them had split between the two coasts, with Kevin and Connor in New York while Arnold and Naba had moved to California. Connor had gotten a call from Arnold about “the super cool secret not-really-secret very awesome meet up plans” and how he was so excited. With a little questioning, Connor realized Kevin was going to California, and Arnold thought he’d be coming too. With Kevin. As a couple. Connor didn’t know what to say, so he simply hung up. And he pretended not to notice when Kevin disappeared a couple weeks later.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if it’s casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, it’s casual now

Connor and Kevin lived in separate apartments just a couple minutes from each other. While Connor struggled from audition to audition, Kevin had landed a cushy job in marketing. And while Connor suffered in silence, Kevin seemed to flourish; constantly meeting new people and making new friends that all seemed to look down on Connor. Kevin often dragged him to parties, where he’d show him off and make jokes at Connor’s expense. Then all the stuffy, stuck-up executives would laugh, leaving Connor wondering what he missed.

dumb love, I love being stupid

dream of us in a year

maybe we’d have an apartment

and you’d show me off to your friends at the pier

In Uganda, before their relationship had crumbled, Connor and Kevin often fantasized about life back in the US. They would move to New York City and share a cozy apartment, one that allowed pets. Some days they would plan their weddings, and others they would even go so far as to think of having kids. They would adopt, girl or boy, and try to give them the best life. Kevin would whine about Arnold’s stupid name suggestions, and Connor would laugh. They would kiss and they would cuddle, and maybe Kevin would teach Connor to cook. Maybe Connor would teach Kevin to dance. But now, they’d never know.

I know, “baby, no attachment”

Even when they moved back to the US, Connor kept pretending. Kevin continued with their “no strings attached” hook ups, and Connor stayed in the hopes of mending their relationship. But even when Connor realized that it would never get better, he couldn’t bring himself to break it off.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now? 

Connor took Kevin to a drive in theater once. It was a horrible old movie with no cohesive plot and terrible acting, but it didn’t matter. Connor hadn’t really had a plan for how he would do it, but the words started coming before he could He told Kevin how he couldn’t keep doing this. How yes, the sex is great, but he wanted more. He needed more. How, despite his efforts, Connor still loved Kevin. The silence after his confession was deafening, the mere seconds stretching to a lifetime. And then, Kevin laughed. He laughed and laughed, not caring how Connor’s soul was crushed. When he finally pulled himself together, Kevin said he thought they had a good thing going, so why should they ruin it? Connor should just be grateful they had anything at all. but yes, Kevin could see that he’d hurt poor Connor’s feelings, so he was going to make it up to him. And as Kevin climbed into the footwell of the passenger seat, Connor tried to pretend that a blowjob could fix all his pain.

two weeks,

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now

When Kevin had gone to California, Connor had received another phone call, this time from Nabulungi. It turns out that Kevin never told them that Connor wasn't coming. Arnold, both trusting and oblivious, didn’t think anything of it. But Naba knew better than that. She asked if something had happened between them, and if Connor was alright. It had been so long since anyone had seemed to care for Connor that he just stood in stunned silence. Naba sat on the other end of the phone, calling his name until eventually she hung up.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if its casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, its casual now

The other elders, with the exception of Arnold, treated Connor with a strange pity. it was the way one might look at a very cute dog that was being put down for mauling a child. You couldn’t help feeling sorry for it, but then again, it fully deserved its fate. they had made no real attempt to reach out since Connor told them everything, and he was too proud to try to contact them. Connor knew exactly what he was in their eyes.

it’s hard being casual

when my favorite bra lives in your dresser

Sometimes, Connor would pretend that Kevin didn’t exist. He would imagine that he was free to do whatever he wanted, free to meet new people and free to live his life. Or maybe he would have a nice, loving boyfriend who really cared for him. Other times, Connor would fantasize about finally breaking up with Kevin. But the empty dip in his bed and the hole in his heart kept Connor firmly in Kevin’s grasp. So, Connor would stay in Kevin’s bed while his favorite tie sat in Kevin’s drawer. 

it's hard being casual

when I’m on the phone talking down your sister

Even when Kevin returned from California, Nabulungi continued to call Connor. And as much as he tried to lie and say everything was fine, she could see right through him. But Connor would never tell her the truth, no matter how much she asked. And if he cried himself to sleep at night, she didn’t need to know.

and I try to be the chill girl that

holds her tongue and gives you space

I try to be the chill girl, but

honestly, I’m not

Connor was taught to be modest. He was taught to be nice. And he was taught to never make a fuss. But at this point, he didn’t know what he could do. Kevin was becoming increasingly demanding, bordering on violent. Connor was just glad that he had his own place, but without a stable income he didn’t know how much longer it could last.

knee-deep in the passenger sea,

and you’re eating me out

Connor just wished that they could go back to the start.

two weeks and your mom invites me

to her long beach house

Connor didn’t know how to tell Arnold and Naba the truth. So, he didn’t.

I know what you tell your friends

baby, get me off again

Kevin had taken him to yet another dinner party. The same old men stuffed in suits sipping wine with their bored trophy wives. Was that what Connor was now? Just a trophy for him to show off and fuck? He couldn’t take it anymore. He was tired of being scared. Tired of being threatened and told to obey because goddamnit, he deserved better. Or maybe he was too drunk on whatever low-grade alcohol they were serving. But by the time common sense caught up to him, it was too late.

I fucked you in the bathroom

when we went to dinner

Kevin had just dragged Connor to the restroom, pushing him roughly into one of the stalls and grabbing him by the collar. And Connor didn’t resist. Why would he? So. he just stood there and tried to pretend he didn’t hate it.

your parents at the table, 

you wonder why I’m bitter

After all of that, Kevin had just… went back to the table. Like nothing happened. Connor had told him that he needed a minute, to which Kevin just nodded. And that was the breaking point.

bragging to your friends,

I get off when you hit it

When Connor got back to the table, everyone was laughing. Quietly, he pulled Kevin aside. And he said everything. 

I hate to tell the truth, 

but I’m sorry dude you didn’t

Connor started talking, saying everything that was on his mind. But Kevin didn’t want to hear it. He tried to shush him, but Connor was on a roll.

I hate that I let this drag on so long

now I hate myself

Connor told him how he hated everything. The awful feelings and thoughts that plagued him night and day. And then he said the awful words that had been sitting on his tongue for months. “We’re done.” Connor thought that Kevin would yell, or scream, or cry, or maybe even just agree that it was the best thing for them. But nothing could have prepared him for blow to the face.

hate that I let this drag on so long

you can go to hell

The blood poured down Connor’s face as he stood there in shock. Kevin stood there, mouth agape, seemingly shocked as well. All of the people at the dinner had stood up, trying to see what the commotion was about. Someone was coming towards him, saying something, but the ringing in his ears drowned them out. Connor bolted for the door, rushing out into the cool night air as he tried to ignore the mixture of blood, snot, and tears on his face. He hailed a taxi, mumbling Kevin’s address as he tried to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Shoving some bills into the driver’s hand, Connor sprinted up the stairs to Kevin’s apartment. Fumbling with his keys, he let himself in. Connor quickly shoved all of his things into a random tote bag, going as fast as he could. His clothes, his toothbrush, his books. He was about to reach the door when it opened. In the doorframe stood Kevin, tears glistening on his cheeks. They stood there in silence, staring in horror at each other. Wordlessly, Connor turned back towards the bedroom. Slowly, he picked up his lucky tie. It was silk, baby blue, a gift from his parents before he left for Uganda. Blood dripped on it, scarring the gentle colors. Connor pushed past Kevin, walking slowly down the stairwell. He walked the whole way back to his apartment with slow, methodical steps. As he entered his apartment, he slowly lowered himself onto his couch. He couldn't be bothered to deal with his nose, or even change. So, he just flicked on the TV, letting whatever random channel was on illuminate his empty apartment. And before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

idk what this is it started as a midnight notes app writing and i churned the second half out after a breakdown so it might be shit but whatever

and yes this is a repost im moving my writings to this blog

[fishcow99]

Casual - A Mcpricely Songfic

Kevin Price x Connor Mckinley from the Book of Mormon Musical

Part 2 of The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Mormon

Song is Casual by Chappell Roan 2.1k words

@elposting here it is

warnings: manipulation, abuse (physical, ever so slightly kind of alluded to sexual)

My friends call me a loser

cause I’m still hanging around

Connor Mckinley didn’t know what to do. He had sacrificed everything for Kevin with no reward. he lost his family and his faith for a boy who didn’t love him. Poptarts and some of the other elders had tried to comfort him, but their air of superiority was something Connor couldn’t handle.

I’ve heard so many rumors

that I’m just a girl that you bang on your couch

Word of what had happened had certainly gotten back to his family, not to mention the church. Connor went back to his old home once to pick up all his things, and he couldn’t handle the judgmental stares from everyone. This whole situation was definitely not helping his family’s perception of queer people.

I thought you thought of me better

someone you couldn’t lose

When they were first excommunicated, Kevin had finally stood up and taken charge. The book of Arnold took a very different stance on same-sex couples, and it was the push that Connor had needed to confess. The first couple of weeks had been pure bliss, with constant affirmations of love. Connor truly had thought that they’d be together forever.

you said “we’re not together”

so now when we kiss, I have anger issues

you said “baby, no attachment”

After a little while, the magic began to wear off. Kevin started to withdraw, stealing longing looks at any semi-decent man he happened to come across. When Connor confronted him, Kevin told the truth. Their “relationship” was a stance against the church. A bit of rebellious fun. But the sex was good, so why should it stop? Despite all of this, Connor couldn’t bring himself to disappoint Kevin. So, he let Kevin kiss him and touch him and fuck him while Connor choked back his tears and feelings alike.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now?

Their “first time” really was the first time for both of them. None of the other elders knew about them, so it couldn’t happen in the mission hut. Kevin had managed to convince Gotswana to lend them his truck, which he did begrudgingly. It was cramped and awkward and they didn’t know what to do, but the passion and thrill of it all was enough for them.

two weeks, 

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now?

Arnold, bless his soul, seemed none the wiser of the truth. When they all moved back to the states, he had been the most insistent of all the elders about keeping in touch. Most of them had split between the two coasts, with Kevin and Connor in New York while Arnold and Naba had moved to California. Connor had gotten a call from Arnold about “the super cool secret not-really-secret very awesome meet up plans” and how he was so excited. With a little questioning, Connor realized Kevin was going to California, and Arnold thought he’d be coming too. With Kevin. As a couple. Connor didn’t know what to say, so he simply hung up. And he pretended not to notice when Kevin disappeared a couple weeks later.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if it’s casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, it’s casual now

Connor and Kevin lived in separate apartments just a couple minutes from each other. While Connor struggled from audition to audition, Kevin had landed a cushy job in marketing. And while Connor suffered in silence, Kevin seemed to flourish; constantly meeting new people and making new friends that all seemed to look down on Connor. Kevin often dragged him to parties, where he’d show him off and make jokes at Connor’s expense. Then all the stuffy, stuck-up executives would laugh, leaving Connor wondering what he missed.

dumb love, I love being stupid

dream of us in a year

maybe we’d have an apartment

and you’d show me off to your friends at the pier

In Uganda, before their relationship had crumbled, Connor and Kevin often fantasized about life back in the US. They would move to New York City and share a cozy apartment, one that allowed pets. Some days they would plan their weddings, and others they would even go so far as to think of having kids. They would adopt, girl or boy, and try to give them the best life. Kevin would whine about Arnold’s stupid name suggestions, and Connor would laugh. They would kiss and they would cuddle, and maybe Kevin would teach Connor to cook. Maybe Connor would teach Kevin to dance. But now, they’d never know.

I know, “baby, no attachment”

Even when they moved back to the US, Connor kept pretending. Kevin continued with their “no strings attached” hook ups, and Connor stayed in the hopes of mending their relationship. But even when Connor realized that it would never get better, he couldn’t bring himself to break it off.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now? 

Connor took Kevin to a drive in theater once. It was a horrible old movie with no cohesive plot and terrible acting, but it didn’t matter. Connor hadn’t really had a plan for how he would do it, but the words started coming before he could He told Kevin how he couldn’t keep doing this. How yes, the sex is great, but he wanted more. He needed more. How, despite his efforts, Connor still loved Kevin. The silence after his confession was deafening, the mere seconds stretching to a lifetime. And then, Kevin laughed. He laughed and laughed, not caring how Connor’s soul was crushed. When he finally pulled himself together, Kevin said he thought they had a good thing going, so why should they ruin it? Connor should just be grateful they had anything at all. but yes, Kevin could see that he’d hurt poor Connor’s feelings, so he was going to make it up to him. And as Kevin climbed into the footwell of the passenger seat, Connor tried to pretend that a blowjob could fix all his pain.

two weeks,

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now

When Kevin had gone to California, Connor had received another phone call, this time from Nabulungi. It turns out that Kevin never told them that Connor wasn't coming. Arnold, both trusting and oblivious, didn’t think anything of it. But Naba knew better than that. She asked if something had happened between them, and if Connor was alright. It had been so long since anyone had seemed to care for Connor that he just stood in stunned silence. Naba sat on the other end of the phone, calling his name until eventually she hung up.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if its casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, its casual now

The other elders, with the exception of Arnold, treated Connor with a strange pity. it was the way one might look at a very cute dog that was being put down for mauling a child. You couldn’t help feeling sorry for it, but then again, it fully deserved its fate. they had made no real attempt to reach out since Connor told them everything, and he was too proud to try to contact them. Connor knew exactly what he was in their eyes.

it’s hard being casual

when my favorite bra lives in your dresser

Sometimes, Connor would pretend that Kevin didn’t exist. He would imagine that he was free to do whatever he wanted, free to meet new people and free to live his life. Or maybe he would have a nice, loving boyfriend who really cared for him. Other times, Connor would fantasize about finally breaking up with Kevin. But the empty dip in his bed and the hole in his heart kept Connor firmly in Kevin’s grasp. So, Connor would stay in Kevin’s bed while his favorite tie sat in Kevin’s drawer. 

it's hard being casual

when I’m on the phone talking down your sister

Even when Kevin returned from California, Nabulungi continued to call Connor. And as much as he tried to lie and say everything was fine, she could see right through him. But Connor would never tell her the truth, no matter how much she asked. And if he cried himself to sleep at night, she didn’t need to know.

and I try to be the chill girl that

holds her tongue and gives you space

I try to be the chill girl, but

honestly, I’m not

Connor was taught to be modest. He was taught to be nice. And he was taught to never make a fuss. But at this point, he didn’t know what he could do. Kevin was becoming increasingly demanding, bordering on violent. Connor was just glad that he had his own place, but without a stable income he didn’t know how much longer it could last.

knee-deep in the passenger sea,

and you’re eating me out

Connor just wished that they could go back to the start.

two weeks and your mom invites me

to her long beach house

Connor didn’t know how to tell Arnold and Naba the truth. So, he didn’t.

I know what you tell your friends

baby, get me off again

Kevin had taken him to yet another dinner party. The same old men stuffed in suits sipping wine with their bored trophy wives. Was that what Connor was now? Just a trophy for him to show off and fuck? He couldn’t take it anymore. He was tired of being scared. Tired of being threatened and told to obey because goddamnit, he deserved better. Or maybe he was too drunk on whatever low-grade alcohol they were serving. But by the time common sense caught up to him, it was too late.

I fucked you in the bathroom

when we went to dinner

Kevin had just dragged Connor to the restroom, pushing him roughly into one of the stalls and grabbing him by the collar. And Connor didn’t resist. Why would he? So. he just stood there and tried to pretend he didn’t hate it.

your parents at the table, 

you wonder why I’m bitter

After all of that, Kevin had just… went back to the table. Like nothing happened. Connor had told him that he needed a minute, to which Kevin just nodded. And that was the breaking point.

bragging to your friends,

I get off when you hit it

When Connor got back to the table, everyone was laughing. Quietly, he pulled Kevin aside. And he said everything. 

I hate to tell the truth, 

but I’m sorry dude you didn’t

Connor started talking, saying everything that was on his mind. But Kevin didn’t want to hear it. He tried to shush him, but Connor was on a roll.

I hate that I let this drag on so long

now I hate myself

Connor told him how he hated everything. The awful feelings and thoughts that plagued him night and day. And then he said the awful words that had been sitting on his tongue for months. “We’re done.” Connor thought that Kevin would yell, or scream, or cry, or maybe even just agree that it was the best thing for them. But nothing could have prepared him for blow to the face.

hate that I let this drag on so long

you can go to hell

The blood poured down Connor’s face as he stood there in shock. Kevin stood there, mouth agape, seemingly shocked as well. All of the people at the dinner had stood up, trying to see what the commotion was about. Someone was coming towards him, saying something, but the ringing in his ears drowned them out. Connor bolted for the door, rushing out into the cool night air as he tried to ignore the mixture of blood, snot, and tears on his face. He hailed a taxi, mumbling Kevin’s address as he tried to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Shoving some bills into the driver’s hand, Connor sprinted up the stairs to Kevin’s apartment. Fumbling with his keys, he let himself in. Connor quickly shoved all of his things into a random tote bag, going as fast as he could. His clothes, his toothbrush, his books. He was about to reach the door when it opened. In the doorframe stood Kevin, tears glistening on his cheeks. They stood there in silence, staring in horror at each other. Wordlessly, Connor turned back towards the bedroom. Slowly, he picked up his lucky tie. It was silk, baby blue, a gift from his parents before he left for Uganda. Blood dripped on it, scarring the gentle colors. Connor pushed past Kevin, walking slowly down the stairwell. He walked the whole way back to his apartment with slow, methodical steps. As he entered his apartment, he slowly lowered himself onto his couch. He couldn't be bothered to deal with his nose, or even change. So, he just flicked on the TV, letting whatever random channel was on illuminate his empty apartment. And before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

idk what this is it started as a midnight notes app writing and i churned the second half out after a breakdown so it might be shit but whatever

[cptbites]

Shadow Creature Graves seems like a gremlin. He takes things and hides them. He took Ghost's mask and hid it in Soap's room to stir up trouble. Everyone is getting annoyed and ask Price to deal with it

hopefully the formatting looks ok :<

experimenting with short writing stories, wrote this in class LMFAOO

🎏

Price was already having a bad morning.

His coffee mug was constantly being moved everytime he placed it down, and he always heard a faint giggling from the action. Gaz had complained to him that the sugar and salt were mixed up and ended up with sugar on his eggs. Alex had also complained that he found plastic spiders scattered across the bathroom. Now, Ghost and Soap were arguing amongst themselves, supposedly about Ghost’s mask missing and was conveniently in Soap’s room, and everyone near was well beyond annoyed to some degree.

Of course, Price knew who was the real culprit, he wasn’t stupid and had put up with Graves’ antics before but now he was messing with everyone else. Graves could be anywhere at any time so Price couldn’t exactly just track him down and confront him about it. He would like to take care of the issue when it first started but instead, he found a peculiar black fluffy cat resting by an open window in his office, the sun’s orange rays sinking into the fur. Its eyes opened at the sound of his footsteps, staring at Price with a mischievous glint in its eyes.

With a sigh, Price placed down some files he had in his hand on the table, “fun morning today?”

The cat’s whiskers raised before sitting up and disappearing into a cloud of black mist, the fog disappearing to reveal a blonde man with a scar on his left cheek. On his head, neatly sat a pair of black hazy antlers and twin black deer ears on either side of his head. There Graves sat in the open window frame, a smug smile across his lips.

“I had nothing to do while the base was asleep,” Graves smiled. “You know I can’t enjoy closing my eyes to rest as much as you humans do, Captain.”

Price’s lips straightened as he moved closer to the shadow creature, hearing the soft jingles of Graves’ tactical gear and gentle thuds as Price was sure the deer-like man’s tail was going for miles, “you know you could always do your little tricks on me, just would prefer if it wasn’t anyone else who was the victim.”

Graves frowned, “it’s getting boring around here, John. I don’t know what to do when the base is inactive.”

Price thought for a moment before gently grabbing one of Graves’ antlers and directing the man to look at him, “you know, you can always sleep with me, love. Stay in my bed until the sun rises.”

There was a stutter, a pause as Graves’ face took a moment to register before a blush appeared, his ears lowered with his face heated. Price chuckled, watching the shadow creature lose composure with the more rapid sound of equipment jingling from the back of Graves. The solid antler dissolved into mist while Graves moved his head away before reappearing as solid once it was no longer in Price’s reach.

“Sounds like a fair trade? Getting to lay with me until sunrise in exchange to no longer mess with my crew?”

“Okay.”

“Good boy.”

“Shut up, John.”

“I think it suits you.”

“Shut up.”

[whyamiheretumbled]

TMNT Smarts(Spoilers for IDW!)

@smudged-kaleidoscopeThis part will be about TMNT and how the fandom and creators view their smarts! And how it can be extremely weird..

Everyone assumes that Raph is genuinely too rash and reckless to make good decisions.now,Raph is reckless and easily stressed(even in 1987 or Rise), but that doesent mean he's stupid compared to Leo, which a lot of ppl *seem* to think

Raph is protective of his brothers, and is constantly shown that they shouldn't follow his behaviour(Seen when Leo allows Karai to enter the Turtle's car in 2012,the Pizza Puffs ep of 2018,or even in 2003,City at War!)

While he IS reckless, it seems he really wants his brothers to just stay on the damn task and get the job done. Not to mention, he tries to keep them safe. While he can be irrational, that doesent mean he wants to watch them follow his behaviour(2003 Raph says, "I hate when Leo starts reminding me of myself",not a direct quote)

Raph's smarts are less analytical focused and way more SURVIVAL focused, which actually brings us to Mikey <3

First of all, Mikey has never been a baby. In mirage, his anger and violence actually rivaled Raph's,Dr.Feelings and Delicate Touch both exist, in 2012 Mikey straight up punched someone hard enough to break their nose, hell, he threw a couch out of a window.

Mikey is constantly underestimated due to his baby face, gullible tendecies, empathy, etc, bcuz adding on to being genuinely the youngest, he is ALSO the most optimistic out of his brothers, and the one who understands emotions the best

Mikey is typically street smarts, or emotional smarts, seen in Mutant Mayhem with his Improv Club, or seen in 2003 where he instantly gets along with kids, or 2012 and the whole Acne episode

Mikey isn't stupid by any means. Sure, he may not pay attention or have a difficult time understanding stuff, but even in Bayverse he's shown to have smart moments. Unfortunately,due to his silly persona,he is constantly downplayed(Though The Last Ronin shows what happens when Mikey needs to focus because he's lost everything)

If Mikey had more motivation, say for example, being tricked into sex and having babies(mirage),he would probably try to be way smarter. But either way, it's constantly shown he picks things up easily and can think quickly! 2012 and Rise are both great examples <3,as well as moments in 2003

Now, we all know Donnie is smart. That's his big thing, his smarts. But he's his own special kind. He uses his own pros to his advantage, and while this can also slow him down due to not wanting to change his ways, this can also help him!

Seen in IDW, Donnie uses his flaw of ignoring Leo's orders and his pros of his tech to trick the Shredder, I won't go in full detail, but it comes at a price.

Anyways, Donnie is shown to havequick thinking at least, when he can anyalze a situation. He is actually VERY reckless, seen in 2003 building missiles into his car, or 2012 going on a killing rampage.

When he can't anyalze something, he jumps into it.Unlike Mikey, he lacks the ability to quickly access a situation, but he gains the abilities unlike his brothers to quickly map out a plan using logic,common sense, and his brain

Now Donnie had his dumb moments, because he DOESENT WANT TO ACCEPT THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN BE RIGHT. you may think no, he wants to listen to others, but being so smart he sometimes thinks he's better than other people and superior,shown in multiple iterations, highlighting Rise, 2012,1987,and IDW.

Donnie's smarts run way deeper than knowing mathematics and engineering and etc, they stem into being able to study a problem and find out an efficent way to solve if, unfortunately,he doesent always want to realise he's allowed to need or want second opinions...

Leo's will be very short. He is a analytical and strategic thinker. He maps out plans, focuses on the battlefield, uses people like chess peices, highlighting in 2012 and Rise. I'll go deeper another day(that's what she said)

AHEM. Now, people constantly assume because Leo's brothers aren't the same type of thinker he is,that they're not smart. They're easily stubborn, can be tricked, not fully access a situation, doubt themselves, etc...

But Leo struggles with many of these things, the narrative is just pushed to make it seem like he's always in the right, however, he does almost always go through character development(at the cost of his childhood)

Leo is can be emotionally stunted, act manipulative(seen in 2003),jist be plain rude(2012),because he's leader/strategic,and wonders why no one would listen to him.

If he allowed his brothers to have input,it would be beneficial for the four of them, as they all contain qualities needed to make good plans.,and are all smart,and while I hate this saying, they're smart in their own way.

Mikey can answer philosophical questions, he doesent have the general care for others or his own regard like Raph generally does, Raph has survival skills but doesent know when to be calm, etc etc

[spiridakos]

Love your love for Tracy's clothes and style. She has such a great approach to fashion and her wardrobe. Would you be able to share the items you've purchased of hers and which ones you love most? Thanks hope you're doing great!!

Oh, this is so fun! I have a lot of her clothes...so I'm gonna put this all below the cut so no one else has to look at the amount of money I've actually spent on clothes...

Madewell High Rise Patch Pocket Denim Shorts I love these, they fit me super well & I can pair them with about any shirt I want to. Tee, tank, cropped, sweatshirt. It all works. Definitely a regular item in my wardrobe in the summer.

Free People Lexden Black Denim Overalls I don't wear these as often, maybe because I'm a homebody who doesn't go out much, but I do love them. They're a super cute look, they're just not in my rotation much. I'm glad I have it as a staple piece in my closet though.

Vurori Performance Joggers (I'm not sure if Tracy was wearing Black Heather or just Black, I bought Black Heather) Never have I ever spent so much on a pair of sweatpants, but my god, they're the most comfortable thing in the world and I constantly am wearing them around my house. 10/10 recommend these, even though the price is a bit steep!

Urban Outfitters BDG Ryder Boyfriend Overall in Vintage Slash I love these overalls! I didn't know how I'd feel about sporting overalls again since the 90s, but I love the ripped look. Not something I get to wear often because I live in New England and it's cold so often, but I do bring them out when it's warm enough!

Lululemon Halfzip Scuba I hardcore mocked this pattern when I first saw Tracy in it, but then I saw it in a Lululemon, and I actually loved the pattern. It's one of the most warmest, and most comfortable things I've ever purchased. I have this on frequently, and even use it as my "coat" sometimes when bracing the cold.

Vuori The Rise The Shine Dad Hat Love a good hat, I am always throwing this on when I'm running errands!

Veja V-10 Lace Up Sneakers  Not a huge sneaker person.....until I bought these. They're fashionable but comfortable. Love to just wear them out with a pair of jeans.

Wilfred by Aritzia The Ganna Shirt Jacket in Dry Basil My first "I can't believe I just spent that on an item of clothing," piece. I love this coat. It's so soft. It fits me really nice, cause I'm super small, but this isn't too long in the arms like most things are! I wear this as my coat a lot when it's not super cold. Or just with some jeans as a full outfit. Either works.

Aviator Nation Ninja Pullover in Vintage White Another, "Did I really just spend that much on a sweatshirt?" piece. I just got this last week, so I haven't worn it out into the wild yet, but it's super soft!

Okay, I think that is it for Tracy clothes? I might be missing some, but I can't remember anything else right now. I have a handful of Hailey clothes, but I thought I'd just stick to Tracy here. I love how clean and simple her wardrobe seems to be and how I can adapt it into my own style as well.

My favorite pieces I've bought if I had to narrow it down to three: 1. Vuori performance joggers 2. Lulu Scuba 3. Madewell denim shorts

What a fun question, thank you, anon!

[chesters-ocs]

couldn't help myself. continuation of the previous 2 posts. a little sorta day in the life. something about the mundane is so fun to write

wc: 852

@the-whispers-of-death pspsps im taking this au and running with it lol

It had been a number of days since Sylvester met his soulmate, which then caused a crash of panic onto him after him and Mārīte got back home.

Ever the curious little thing, his daughter all but demanded to have everything explained, and it was then that he silently cursed himself for never bothering to even tell her about something as simple and universal as a soulmate.

At least it seemed she was majorly interested, her eyes sparkling as she clung to his every word… How naive, he thought, before waving that thought away, not wanting to berate a child for being that: a child, and not understanding the world yet.

Without any further interference from his soulmate, he couldn't help but believe he made a horrific first impression. He won't blame the man, however. His mind was practically mush, and there's precious few who are willing to date someone with children from previous relationships…

As if you can even call it that, it was a glorified fling at best, and destructive at worst… Usually the worst, actually, now that he thought about it in hindsight.

No matter though… With complete radio silence from the stranger, he fell back into his usual routine. Mārīte's at school, and he's on his lunch break at some nameless company he'll forget about a few years from now. Though he supposes there is one good thing about it. Location's pretty good: central London makes it easy to find a grocery store or a bakery. Easy enough that he decided to walk, despite the rain. It's nothing worrying, given the compact umbrella in his backpack.

Sylvester steps out into the street with an expression as neutral as ever, as the man brings up and opens the umbrella. It's a simple, black thing, made of cheap material, but it gets the job done. That's all he needs. And so he trudges down main street, keeping an eye out for anything interesting.

Shops seemed to come and go constantly, rent always rising and sinking at the heart of the city. If he wasn't used to it, he would probably be overwhelmed by the size and quantity. Boutiques here, office buildings there, little family owned businesses sandwiched between both.

And speaking of family owned.. a new bakery had opened nearby, Sylvester noted. There's a couple balloons by the entrance, and the signs say there's an opening week sale. Not thinking too much, he crosses the street over to it, and pushes open the door, and unequipped his raggedy umbrella.

The place is small, but cozy. There's plenty of pastries and snacks-to-go on the display by the cash register, and the young woman in the apron greets him cheerfully.

After a second of taking the place in, the man nods, saying his own greetings. But he doesn't even spare a glance at her name tag, instead looking over the fresh goods, as well as the coffee menu.

"… Hello. Can I have a large latte to-go, as well as the chicken sandwich?"

"Of course, cash or card?"

"Card, please."

He's met with a nod, as the worker punches in the prices, and the total appears on the small card reader. He enters the pin the moment the woman turns around to work the coffee machine. A beep confirms his payment, the check already getting printed.

Within a few moments, he's out, small paper bag in tow. In the few minutes he was inside, the rain had worsened. At least the wind isn't strong today, he thought. That's one thing he didn't miss about his home: the rain tended to come with strong winds, and it did not help his hometown was a coastal one. He was used to trashing umbrellas just after a few uses due to that…

Nevertheless, he still had time to return to his office building, and sit down at his desk there. He carefully unwraps the sandwich and places the paper cup on a coaster, when he gets the urge to check his phone.

Lucky that he did too. A new message, sent moments after he left to buy lunch. He almost groaned, noticing how he forgot to turn on the volume: a nasty habit of his to do.

He swipes to check the notification, not even blinking at the unknown number. The man figured this is just another client needing a quick job.

"Hello, is this Sylvester?"

At least the message was a simple one too. A few taps later, he sends a response, before shutting off the device.

"Yes it is."

A shame he didn't notice how the person on the other side already started typing, as he snacked on his lunch. The taste is a pleasant surprise, and in the moment, he figures he'll have to go there more often. Maybe bring Mārīte there too… She'd probably like the cakes, he muses.

However, he still didn't turn up his volume, already getting distracted by office work, so it's only when he gets back home with his kid, that he'll properly see the barrage of new unread texts. Someone claiming to know his mystery-man soulmate.

[omegaremix]

The Great Vinyl Purge.

I had a funny feeling during my last music-shopping victory spree. When I furiously dug and came across certain titles, I constantly paused on myself wondering if I already had them in my collection. Dollar records make way for hasty decisions and later regretted when you come home to see those same titles you purchased already in your library.

I audited my shelves to see doubles I didn’t realize I once had. Money well spent if only the first time. After that, you’re donating to your local record stores. That’s what’s called charity. With me buying vinyl faster than a cheetah hunting down his prey, I’m running out of space. I’m not realizing I’m spending money on records I already have, so they had to go. There were many impulse purchases made thanks to low price tags, a kick for the classics, and very little care of the artist other than the year they were made.

There were many duplicates from artists I’m familiar with. Components from my Atari and Nintendo youth in Belinda Carlisle (The Go-Go’s) and Phil Collins (Genesis), jazz-fusion artists Tom Scott and Ramsay Lewis, and an extra from Minnie Riperton. The Doors’ Greatest Hits had to go as I mistakenly bought a copy recently before the purge, and one from France Joli that I shouldn’t have had because I tried finding a song that wasn’t on there.

Not only did I take the duplicates out, but I also took records out of my collection I never listened to. Two titles from The Who and Melba Montgomery that I purchased at an Amityville veteran’s hall left the library because I literally never played them. Doobie Brothers, Nicolette Larson, and many children’s records rescued from a sidewalk dump from people who didn’t know better. They had to go. A few days later I woke up one morning and asked myself why I have almost the entire vinyl discography of Seals & Croft and The 5th Dimension?

And then these three: Al Jolson, M.C. Osso, and Justin Wilson …Meets Jean (John) Barleycorn. Those were three records my dad found ages ago from another stack tossed out for the morning pick-up. That was when I was oblivious to vinyl and record collecting. Hell, we didn’t have a turntable back then. How did I somehow keep them and why did I keep a fucking cajun comedy (?) record? I was better than this.

**********

Now that the vinyl purge was over, what did I do? I had no time creating a Discogs and wait for these records to be sold piece by piece. No record-stores would take them as the children’s records are water-damaged with dry mold. The only other option? Take the easy way out and give them to someone who appreciates them. Why? Friends and family had been charitable to me in the past. A no-longer-staffer of WUSB announced a roll-call for a huge vinyl giveaway donated to me, and later on most of those same records went to Syke. That’s the same Syke who ended up donating me some of his records he found in front of someone’s house; a customer of his who took her entire collection and threw them out in front of the curb. Not me. I give my gifts to a good home.

Once my dad found a collection of polka records and took them home. “What the fuck is this?” I asked him. There’s no way I’d be caught dead and Wee-Gee’d with polka records. Good thing this was right before WUSB’s 35th anniversary. I knew our resident polka lady Theresa was attending, so I donated my stacks to her. Problem solved. Caring is sharing and it goes both way, that is…when you’re not throwing your entire library out in the street.

So I gave them to J-Ro, host of WUSB’s Radio Free J-Ro, archivist, and vinyl fanatic. I dropped them off at the station in October and told him to come get it. He took home Carly Simon’s self-titled, Minnie Riperton’s Perfect Angel, Ramsay Lewis’ Tequila Mockingbird, Herb Alpert’s Rise, and whatever 5th Dimension records he didn’t have already. So that’s only 5% of the stack. As of now, most of it is still there. It’s now WUSB’s as far as I’m concerned. We have the space. Let ‘em deal with it.

Here’s all I parted with to make way for more records and books of my liking. Malcomb Forbes did say: “he / she who dies with the most toys wins.” Sometimes, it’s the nicer shinier ones that get you the victory.

France Joli: Now!

Tom Scott: Blow It Out

Paul Simon: Still Crazy After All These Years

Doobie Brothers, The: Minute By Minute

Phil Collins: Face Value

Carly Simon: self-titled

Minnie Riperton: Perfect Angel

Ramsay Lewis: Tequila Mockingbird

Herb Alpert: Rise

Belinda Carlisle: Belinda

Al Jolson & Oscar Levant: Songs And Comedy

M.C. Osso: Umbra Penumbra

Justin Wilson:  Justin Wilson Meets Jean (John) Barleycorn

Doors, The: Greatest Hits

Who, The: It’s Hard

Melba Montgomery: Don’t Let The Good Times Fool You.

Seals & Crofts: Unborn Child, The Longest Road, Diamond Girl, Closer, Summer Breeze, Greatest Hits, self-titled.

5th Dimension, The: Greatest Hits On Earth, Greatest Hits, Up Up And Away, Stoned Soul Picnic, The Age Of Aquarius, Portrait

[fried-g0ld]

I didn’t want to do this.

I usually try to keep my personal life somewhat separate from my tumblr to keep a somewhat of a semblance of anonymity, but I need a bit of financial help.

Long story:

I’ve been struggling ever since 2020. I kept very socially distant during peak COVID because I am not only overweight, but long before that, I was struggling with cronic congestion, and ear pressure issues. So, at some point, I had to resort to selling things on ebay to stave off unemployment, which at first was okay. I had plenty of junk to get rid of from my family home, and it kept me well. I was paying bills constantly. Everything seemed to be ok. When I felt comfortable to come back to work, suddenly COVID spiked, and I felt uncomfortable staying at my old job. On top of that, I was out of shape, and I also suffer chronic fatigue due to my many health problems and my depression and anxiety issues, making it more difficult to work, because my old job required me to be on my feet and moving and walking all day. So, I decided to quit and rely on my ebay job for a while. I thought maybe it would work because I was still making enough to keep myself a float. However, there came a point where my parents were experiencing health issues, and so I was helping them out financially to get through a rough patch. Not long after that, my ebay sales began to drop. Things weren’t selling as often as they were, and what I was selling wasn’t enough. A few bad purchases, and some bad investments for my ebay store didn’t help either. Because of this, I wasn’t paying off my credit card bills enough, which has made my debt grow larger and larger. To that end, I’ve incurred a lot of debt within the past year and a half. My ebay sales especially dip now, during tax season. The rising prices of shipping costs also doesn’t help things sell faster My ebay business, which consists mostly of selling off my stuff, some collectibles (most of the pricer stuff in the store), as well as things relatives have generously donated to me. My goal wasn’t not to be using my ebay store this long either, but life events have kept it going longer than I was planning to. It’s very difficult for me to find another job locally, especially since I don’t own a car and rely on family for transportation. My previously stated fatigue and mental health issues also make it difficult to do work as consistently as I need to. This only gets worse, when things do not sell as fast as I need them to.

So, I need a bit of financial help to pay more bills. I created a venmo account to help and accept donations, and I will link it below, as well as my ebay store. If you can’t give anything, that’s totally fine, but anyone who can give a little, any little bit helps. Anything helps to get me through some rough patches, and to help me get on my feet again. I really hate to do this, but I need extra options for help.

My venmo: @jonathan-kidneystone-seagull

My ebay store: dorksellsstuff

I may only keep this post up for a short while if I can.