#the reader will by now have realised that it was ALMOST JUNE

[dreamescapeswriting]

Summer Nights ~ LMH

WORD COUNT: 1.2k

PAIRING: Minho x GN!Reader

GENRE: established relationships, clingy minho, cute, sweet, soft,

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - June 2023

⤜MASTERLIST

A/N: I feel like this came out so short I’m sorry! I hope you like it though!!

To everyone on the outside of your relationship, Minho was a cold and uncaring boyfriend but that was because they didn't see the boyfriend that you saw in private. In private Minho was one of the clingest boyfriends of all time - not that you ever had any complaints about it of course. You adored how clingy he was to you, though in summer you did love it a lot less since it was far too hot for someone to be clinging to you all night long in bed. Something you hadn't really noticed he did until recently though.

It was just last week when you'd woken up drenched in sweat because of the heatwave that was hitting your area when you realised that Minho was clinging to your body. 

As soon as you felt a droplet run down your cheek you whined and moved to get away from the one thing that was causing your body to overheat and sweat. You slowly pulled yourself out of the bed and turned to look at Minho who was now pouting in his sleep, a frown beginning to form between his brows as you shook your head to yourself. As much as you loved your boyfriend it was far too hot for you to be laid right next time him and be cuddled. It was almost 35 Celsius outside and you weren't in the right mood to be cuddled to sleep so you headed out of the room to go and splash some cold water on your face. Maybe that way you'd be able to cool yourself down before getting back into bed beside your human radiator of a boyfriend.

Running the tap for a little you began to scoop some water into your hands and gently splash it onto your cheeks, letting yourself relax as the cool water cooled you back down to a normal body temperature. Whoever said summer was the best season was a liar, you felt as though you were going to melt away in this heat. You would gladly take winter over summer any day of the week, being cold and being able to add layers on to get warmer was easier than being too hot for any kind of clothes at all.

Sighing a little to yourself you slowly began to make your way back to the bedroom, rubbing the back of your neck and freezing in the doorway when you saw Minho staring at you. His arms folded across his chest as he pouted at you, a frown on his forehead as he finally saw you coming back to him. As soon as he felt you weren't beside him he couldn't sleep anymore and he hated it, he needed you beside him to be able to sleep. 

"Where have you been?" He whined a little as you slowly got back into the bed beside him, reaching for the thin sheet and pulling it up onto your body. At least if you were covered in a thin sheet you could sleep,

"Washing sweat off my body," You giggled a little when you noticed how pouty he was being about this,

"Don't do it again," He mumbled, laying down and pulling you back into his chest, one arm around your waist with a leg wrapped around yours making you whine a little but you let Minho do what he needed to fall asleep once again. 

Every day for the last week you'd woken up in the middle of the night because he was clinging to your body and you were overheating too much. But every time you'd move away from him he would simply drag you straight back to him, not giving you a moment of peace. Even when he would come home late from work, you'd be straight back into his arms and pulled into his embrace. Last night was no different, you were drenched in sweat and his arms and legs were clinging onto you tighter than ever before and you whimpered a little. There was no way you were going to get out of his arms without waking him up, or so you thought.

You'd managed to do it before going to sleep downstairs on the sofa but right now you were facing the repercussions of it. Minho was staring at you with a pout on his lips and his arms across his chest. When he'd woken up this morning to find you nowhere in sight he'd worried a little until he came down to find you fast asleep on the sofa of all places.

"You have to stop moving away from me in the night," He told you as a matter of factly, your eyes softening as you saw how upsetting it was for him to have to wake up without you. It wasn't that you didn't like sleeping next to him but you couldn't do it, not with the heat this unbearable. 

"Minho-" You tried to say slowly but he was already shaking his head at you and getting ready to disagree.

"I can't sleep without holding onto you," It was a small whine that came out of his throat and you could hardly believe it when he did it, your eyes found him and you bit down on your lip. You did feel bad for leaving him at night but you couldn't help it,

"You can't?" You whispered a little as he sank down next to you and held onto your hand, shaking his head a little.

"No...I-I need to feel you close or I can't relax." Your heart was doing summersaults as you heard him admitting this to you, you smiled a little

"I didn't know that, it's just been so hot lately Minnie, I can barely sit beside you." You pouted a little as he looked at you, the two of you were going to go round and round in circles about the sleeping situation unless something was done about it.

"What if we got an AC installed? That way you can stay cool and I can have my sleeping buddy." He smirked at you, wiggling his brows at you. The truth was he'd already been looking into getting one for the house since he noticed how humid and dry the nights had been getting lately and he wanted you both to be as comfortable as possible.

"We could look into it, but I'm not going to get it unless you let me pay half," You already knew that if you didn't say something he would pay for it himself, it was just like Minho to spend all his money on you and not let you join in on it.

"Fine," He whines before carefully wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him,

"Can we cuddle a little? Just let me have another hour and then I'll let go." He begged as you nodded, cuddling into his side. Since it was still quite early in the morning the heat hadn't fully hit the house and there was a slight breeze through the windows making it more bearable to deal with.

"One hour," You promised him as you both snuggled down together on the sofa.

Tagline: @chiisaiblog @hanasonmi @sw33tnight @taestannie @acciocriativity​ @scarletemeterio​ @halesandy​ @aerastus​ @laylasbunbunny​ @critssq​ @lenfilms​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @meowmeowisdaname​ @imafivestarkpopstan​ @lost-leopard-beanie​ @illicee​

[abiiors]

a midsummer night's dream - matty x reader ˚˖𓍢ִ໋`🔆:✧˚.🍉⋆𖧧🐚

a/n: i will be so honest, there is no plot. the plot is matty and bug being in love for 4.5k words. also alex turner cameo hehehe cw: i'm warning all of you that there's a lot of fade to black smut in this because writing smut is my mortal enemy wc: 4.5k

matty wakes up to a scream on one fine day mid june. 

he scrambles awake, drenched in sweat because it’s already so warm in london, and because the scream is startling. he’s about to run to make sure she’s okay when he hears another one—a squeal this time. a high-pitched, excited sound. 

“bug?” he calls out, his voice scratchy still, “what’s happening?”

footsteps thud on the floor. a moment later the door swings open and she comes into view, laptop balanced precariously in one hand and her eyes as round as saucers. matty sits up on the bed. the covers fall around his waist, exposing his entire torso right down to his happy trail. 

“what—”

“i got it!” she hoists the laptop high up in the air. “that summer gig with arctic monkeys! i got it! i got it, matty, me!” 

matty’s sure his eyes widen an equal amount then, and he jumps off the bed. there he is, standing naked as the day he was born in the middle of their room. the kisses on his chest from the night before have already darkened, leaving a neat little trail from his sternum to just below his belly button. and yet, matty cares about none of it. 

“you got it! fuck, bug—”

“i got it!” she squeals, eyes brimming with tears now that it’s sinking in, and almost chucks the laptop on the bed. none of them care that he’s naked and she’s not. she makes a run at him, jumping into his open arms and wrapping her bare legs around his middle. she even presses a kiss square on his lips, too excited to deepen it. he just twirls them around until they both end up in a heap on the bed. 

“shit!”

“shit!” he laughs. “you’d be in europe all summer, one country after the other. surrounded by hot rockstars—”

“matty!” she chastises even though he can tell she’s busy trying to stifle her shit-eating grin. “i’m going to work. take photos!”

“of hot rockstars,” he bumps his shoulder into hers.

she turns and eyes him properly, from his messy curls to his naked chest and down. he doesn’t shy away from her though, if anything he feels a little smug. 

“i already take photos of hot rockstars,” she giggles, tracing a finger over the tattoo in the centre of his chest. “sexy photos too.”

“oh is that right?” he takes a hold of her waist, pulling her flush against his chest. her day old perfume surrounds him. his too, he realises, is in the mix, clinging to her skin like it’s meant to. “you won’t be here all summer…” he kisses her shoulder and pulls her leg over his waist. 

“i’ll send you postcards,” she giggles, “like we’re in the 90s or something.”

“sexy…postcards?”

she pinches the skin on his stomach lightly making him hiss. “pervert.”

“you’re a photographer, bug,” matty’s mouth moves from her shoulder to her chest, right where the fabric of her cami ends, not exactly where he wants to be. “i’m sure, you can get…creative.”

she quirks an eyebrow. “and what will i get in return, hmm? i’ll be ‘surrounded by hot rockstars’, don’t you forget.”

“oh, all of this isn’t enough?” matty points at his naked body, earning a flirty giggle from her. 

he already feels hot all over again, simmering right beneath his skin, and from the looks of it, she feels it too. gently, she pushes him on his back, climbing on top of him until she’d on his stomach, her ass touching his dick. matty pulls the strings of her shorts and helps her out of them, out of her underwear too. 

“gorgeous,” he murmurs once she chucks her cami somewhere in the corner, entirely naked and on top of him, grinding on his stomach until she’s practically dripping onto him. matty loves it when she uses him like that, when she gets lost chasing her own pleasure and forgets the world around her. 

matty loves looking at her then—now—when her lips are parted and eyes rolled to the back of her head, when her jaw is slack with pleasure and she moves her hips in a hypnotising rhythm. getting herself off on his stomach.

his hand snakes up her naked thigh till he's grabbing her ass. praise after praise tumbles out of his mouth and each one has her moving faster, rocking hips. his head spins from the blood running so fast through his veins. it's electric, to see her like that, to feel her like that. he’s dying to feel her around him too, but right now matty is just content to lie back and watch. 

when she finally finds her release and slumps forward on his chest, breathing hard, matty presses a kiss on her crown. 

“had your fun, didn’t you?”

she hmms, giggling a little. “your turn?”

and of course, he doesn’t need to be asked twice.

the week before she’s set to leave, she makes him sit in front of the dresser, bleach and blue dye held up in her gloved hands. matty’s doing it because she won’t. because she wants to ‘look professional’. and so he agrees to dyeing his hair blue. 

she’s more than happy to do it too, pressing kisses on his bare shoulder and neck every two seconds. matty dips a finger in the dye and flicks her nose, painting it blue. 

“oh i will kill you,” she screeches, giggling away from him when he tries to get more dye on her, on her clothes and skin, and tries to kiss her while he reeks of bleach. 

and even though they're happy, somewhere in the back of his mind he already misses her, even when she’s right here in his arms. 

“i love you…” he murmurs and places a soft kiss on her lips, she indulges for a few seconds before frowning. 

“why did you say it like that?”

“like what?”

“like it’s a sad thing.”

she can be quite perceptive when she wants to be. but matty simply shakes his head and hooks a hand under her knees. she laughs so loud when he throws her over his shoulder that it echoes around the house. matty hopes the house traps it, her laughs and her giggles and moans, he’s going to miss hearing it. 

“matty?” she nips his earlobe. 

“hmm?” 

“i love you too. more than you’ll ever know.” 

he doesn’t bother correcting her, or telling her that he knows. he knows because he feels it in all of her touches and her kisses and her smiles. and he knows because no matter how upset he is about spending two months apart, he knows she’s coming home to him at the end of it.

he only sets her down once they get to the bathroom, kissing her so deeply that her whole body reacts to him. the dye on her nose smears against his cheek, the dye on his hair gets on her hands, but matty cannot stop smiling like a fucking idiot. smiling and touching her and kissing her while they shed their clothes and get under the shower. 

the water turns blue instantly, rivulets running under their feet, and matty gets down on his knees. 

“let me…” he breathes, throwing her leg over his shoulder. his mouth is instantly between her legs, hands grabbing onto her thighs and her ass, while he looks up at her. her head is thrown back in ecstasy, fingers tangled in his freshly dyed hair. 

he keeps going until she cums on his tongue and cums again. he keeps going until his knees hurt and the water runs clear. he keeps going until she can quite literally no longer stand. 

then matty picks her up in his arms, and carries her to bed.

“i’ll be in brussels this time tomorrow,” she murmurs next to him the night before she’s set to leave.

it’s so late at night, she should be asleep. he should be asleep too, but he suspects they’re both up thinking the same thing. trying not to toss and turn and wake the other up… matty laughs at the irony. 

“go to bed, bug,” he whispers. “you’ve got to be up by 7.”

she turns to him, barely visible in the moonlight. and yet matty doesn’t need to see her face to know what she’s thinking and how she’s feeling. he simply needs to listen to her breathing as it turns shallow. 

“i do,” she nods and moves closer to him. matty opens up his arms and lets her find a comfy spot until she’s practically on top of him, until they’re one tangled entity. “i’ll be in brussels and you’ll be here.”

“we’ve been apart before,” he replies lamely. 

“that was different! we were just friends then, and…”

“and?”

she shrugs, pressing a kiss onto his shoulder. “and i’d learned to suppress my feelings for you. it was fine then, i was fine!”

matty presses a kiss into her head. “i wasn’t. i missed you everyday.”

“liar!”

“i’d never lie to you, bug,” he giggles. “and i know it’s different now, but we have options. i can call you everyday, text you 24/7, fuck, i could show up to any country you’re in. it’s only europe, you’re right here!”

she laughs, and matty can hear the wobble in it. a second later, wetness touches his shoulder. “i don’t think the band does ‘bring your boyfriend to work’ days.”

“alex would love to have me around,” he teases. 

that makes her snort properly. “you’re such a fanboy, it’s adorable.”

“rude!” he flicks her forehead. “go to bed now, i don’t want you feeling like a zombie tomorrow.”

she doesn’t respond after that, she just snuggles more into him, drawing circles on his arm until eventually her breathing deepens and her fingers stop moving. matty doesn’t sleep a wink though. he stays awake playing with her hair, fingers trying to memorise its softness, the precise texture of it. it’s only when the sky is on the verge of twilight does he manage to fall asleep. 

it’s a quick, dreamless sleep, over like a flash in the pan, and before he knows it, her alarm goes off and matty groans awake.

she’s waking up too, eyes still closed and face so sleepy and soft that matty wants to tuck her back in bed and not let her go. but no matter how hard he wishes for it, she has to go. it’s a good opportunity for her, it will be so good for her career. 

and yet and yet and yet. 

matty sighs and places a kiss on her head. 

“bug? you up?”

she mumbles sleepily. matty laughs. 

“come on, you won’t be ready in time if you don’t wake up now.”

and that’s how they go back and forth—matty tries to coax her out of bed, she mumbles something and buries her face wherever she can, until finally he manages to shake her hard enough. 

it’s funny to him how she stomps to the bathroom and comes out as a completely new person once she’s had her shower. he’s ready for her though, two steaming mugs of coffee in hand. it’s the last time they will sit across from each other and have coffee for two months. last time before he’s sentenced to seeing her face on a tiny phone screen. 

“you’re not gonna cry are you?” her eyes widen, and matty schools his face back into a smile. “if you cry, i’ll cry and then none of us is going anywhere.”

“i’m not a crybaby, love,” he flicks her nose, kissing it straight after. “i’ll miss you though. more than you’ll ever know.”

there’s not much he can say that won’t make him actually start crying. so he just enjoys the coffee with her and holds her close. he stays there, for as long as she needs until she has to finally get up and get ready to leave.

“matty, look!” she holds up a snail to the phone screen, eyes bright, excited. “i’m having snails.” then she puts on an exaggerated french accent. “escargot!”

matty laughs. “you don’t even like them, bug.”

“i do when they’re given to me in bed by room service.”

he briefly looks away from her face and behind her. there’s not much of a view, just the fancy headboard and a nightstand littered with jewellery and contact lens case and her frayed old headphones. matty smiles at it fondly and looks at the nightstand on her side of their bed—it’s empty, clean. he feels a pang in his chest. 

matty looks back at her just in time to watch her make a face.

“okay maybe i’ll have them later,” she tries not cringe, he just snickers at her. 

a bit later once she’s done eating, she gives him a tour of the room. it’s much of the same really, similar to the rooms she’d stayed in in rome and milan and berlin. he’s no stranger to any of it either, and yet he gives her his full attention, cooing at the view from her window even though they can barely see the eiffel tower. she looks happy about it, and so he is too. 

“how was you day?” she asks once they’ve both settled in bed. 

matty sighs, “much of the same really. worked a bit, then worked out a bit and now i’m talking to you.”

he doesn’t say that he could barely eat because he hates eating alone and misses her so bad. he doesn’t tell her that he forced george to be on call with him while he ate his sad little dinner of day old pizza and some chicken tenders. 

“worked out,” she waggles her eyebrows, “gonna be fit before i come back to you?”

“for you? maybe.”

her breath quivers a little and matty sees the precise second her face shifts from a teasing smirk to something a little more intense. he sits up too, propped against his pillow. and sure it is july, the nights have already grown hotter, but something tells him the heat in the room is not because of that. 

“did i show you photos from the show?” 

“of alex?” matty raises a brow and she rolls her eyes, biting her lip a little. 

“of me, idiot! was dressed like a proper 2013 arctic monkeys fan.”

he can see the image so clearly—her in a black mini-skirt and knee socks—and when she sends him a few photos his guess is confirmed. except there’s also her tight-fitting t-shirt that shows off everything matty wishes he could touch right now. he lets out a shaky breath, swiping through the photos. 

“you like them?” her voice is shier than before, matty smirks.

“you look like a fantasy,” he breathes down the line, already half hard in his pyjama shorts. her breathy, seductive giggle doesn’t help matters. matty can’t help but palm himself lightly at the sound, imagining doing things to her in that tiny little skirt. 

“what are you thinking?,” she speaks into the phone, mischief dancing in her tone.

“what do you want me to think?”

she twirls a little strand of hair around her finger, one long fingernail combing through her soft hair. he’s been dying to touch them again, dying to feel her fingernails scratch on his back while she moans and screams his name over and over again. 

she touches her lips subconsciously, and that’s pretty much the last straw for him. 

“what were you doing?” he asks. and then, pulls down his shorts. 

he’s painfully hard by now, aching and desperate to feel her around him. but she’s a million kilometres away, alone and cold in a foreign bed and not in his arms like she should. so he has no other option but to touch himself like a sixteen year old boy. the thought of her doing just the same drives him insane. 

“nothing. just wondering what you’d do if you would have seen me in that outfit.”

he hears her breath quiver over the last words.

“you want to know?” matty wraps a hand around the base of his cock, letting her uneven breathing wash over him. this is so horny and reckless. he can’t even go a few weeks without her for fuck’s sake…

but he can’t help himself, not when it comes to her. 

“touch yourself like i would,” he says, “and then i’ll tell you everything i want to do to you…”

the phone sex doesn’t stop after that. if anything it opens up so many new avenues for him. almost every night a week, while he’s in the same old bed and she’s in a different bed each time, matty finds himself spilling in his own hand, wishing it was her hand, her face, her stomach. wishing it was her. 

sex aside he misses her so dearly it’s like a hole has been carved in his chest precisely big enough to fit her. 

“alex was so good today!” she squeals down the phone one night while she’s in madrid. 

better than me? he almost says but keeps the words to himself. it’s jealousy rearing its ugly head, nothing more.

“oh yeah?”

she frowns at his disinterested tone. “you alright?”

“i’m just tired, bug.” matty runs a hand over his face, “i just want to sleep.”

“oh.”

her small voice instantly makes him open his eyes. she’s smiling at him, of course she is, but he can tell when her smiles are fake and when they are real. and the one right now is stretched so forcefully over her face that he wonders if it hurts.

“no, no,” he shakes his head, “i can stay up for a bit, it’s no big deal.”

“are you sure?”

he hates that he’s made her feel so unsure. of course he wants to stay awake and talk to her, all night if it weren’t for the fact she has busy days and long hours to work. 

the sun hasn’t even properly set yet and she’s already in bed, looking quite tired if he’s being honest. she looks different than he’d last seen her too, suntanned and freckled—probably after spending fun afternoons at the beach with all these attractive people all around her—

stop it.

“we should go to the beach when you come back.” matty changes the topic abruptly. “just us, a proper beach day. it will be fun i think.”

“yeah?”

she settles deeper under her covers, resting her phone against a pillow so she won’t have to hold it upright. matty does the same, sleeping on his side. if he fools himself enough, it’s like they’re sleeping side by side again. if he fools himself, she’s back in his arms, snuggled up with him no matter how hot it is. 

“you look so sleepy, bug,” he laughs, touching his phone screen like he’s caressing her cheek. “oh wait, a snug bug.”

“poetry,” she snorts, stifling a yawn. “i’m fine matty, i wanna talk to you. tomorrow’s a busy day, dunno if i can even text you all day.”

his mood sours instantly, but he tries not to show it on his face. she is working. this is not some holiday where she can set time aside to call and text him. besides he’s seen some of her photos posted on the band’s social media—her hard work shines through instantly. and ever time he sees them, pride swells in his chest. 

“do you want to hear something george and i came up with the other day?”

she nods, pulling the covers up to her chin. 

matty doesn't waste more time explaining what it is, he just starts humming. it’s at the very beginning stages of its creation—a song inspired by this summer—and yet, the more he hums, the more the melody just comes to him. the lyrics are gibberish, mostly just a lot of oohs and hmms but it’s accomplishing the goal he’s set out with. 

her eyes droop more and more with each passing second, breathing deepening more, until he’s almost at the end of the song and she’s fast asleep.

her mouth is parted like always, hands tucked under her chin and knees pulled up to her chest like she’s preserving warmth even on a summer night. he wonders if she feels cold in hotel rooms, he wonders if she misses him just as much as he misses her, so strong it keeps him up at night sometimes, touching her side of the bed and her pillow. 

he doesn’t hang up though. he stays on call, watching her sleep. he stays on call until she’s completely unmoving and unaware of anything else happening around her. he stays on call until her phone dies eventually and his screen goes black. then he cradles the device to his chest like it’s trapped her essence. and maybe it has. 

when matty falls into a restless sleep that night, he only dreams of her.

the dreams become a permanent fixture. not like he’s complaining, not when he’s sleeping anyway. but then he has to wake up to the bleak reality that she’s not here, day after day, week after week.

they talk on the phone every single day of course, and with each passing day he knows her homecoming gets closer. somehow it’s harder. 

days before she’s supposed to come, matty’s in a mood so foul that he doesn’t even call her. he just makes up some silly excuse and skips out on it. 

her :( text makes him feel worse, but all he does is get in bed at 8 pm when it’s still light outside, and bury himself under blankets no matter how hot it is. 

somewhere hours later, he falls into an uneasy sleep. 

“shh, go back to sleep,” matty feels the bed dip in the wee hours of the morning, her voice a hoarse whisper. it’s a dream, his sleep-addled brain tells him, it’s another dream fueled by loneliness and missing her and being so so cold every night. it’s—

“baby?”

“hmm?”

“you’re not cold, are you?” she slides in behind him, still fully clothed. her soft, worn jeans rub against his thigh, then she drapes a bare arm over him. “you’ve got goosebumps.”

“you’re a dream,” matty mumbles, sleep coating each word. her deep laugh resonates all around him, surrounding him like a warm blanket. 

“am i?” she kisses the shell of his ear. “how do you know?”

sleep threatens to take him under once again in the comfort of her arms. the feel of her hair brushing against is shoulder is familiar, it smells like her—like peaches and lilies. matty smiles to himself, this is by far the most realistic dream his brain has produced all summer. 

“hey,” she kisses his shoulder, sending butterflies fluttering in his stomach. 

“you’re a dream…” matty repeats, “because i’ve had this dream before.”

“oh yeah?” he feels himself being pulled into a chest—so solid and real and warm. her fingers dance on his arms, from his shoulder to his elbow and back up, tickling just a little—not enough to fully wake him up, but definitely enough to hold him there, suspended in a limbo between sleep and consciousness. “what happens in your dream?”

“you come into our bed…”

“like this?” the smile in her voice is prominent. 

“mm-hmm,” matty nods and turns, eyes closed, face burrowed into her chest now. her scent surrounds him stronger than before, with new things added to it—faint smell of coffee and the outdoors in general. he can feel his face squished between her boobs, which isn’t a new detail as far as his dreams go, but his brain has certainly upped the quality of it tonight. 

it’s a dream it’s a dream it’s a dream, matty chants in his head over and over again till the words meld into each other and turn gibberish. 

“and then?” her voice cuts through his spiral. 

“and then you hold me, bug”

“i am holding you…” he feel her nod, and yet her arms tighten, cuddling him closer. the next time she speak, matty feels the vibrations of her voice running through his chest, passing through his heart. 

“and then?”

instead of answering, he focuses on her fingers—up and down, up and down. from his shoulder to his elbow and back up. “sometimes you touch me,” he breathes into the crook of her neck, “other times you hold me until i wake up.” his voice is muffled, barely audible. it’s alright, though. she’s just a dream, a figment of his imagination, a part of him. how could she ever not understand him?

“i touch you?” she laughs, a little giggly, and matty nods. “how do i touch you?”

he takes her hand in his, traces the pads of her fingers, the lines on her palm. then he places her hands on his bare chest—smooth, small fingers touching his ribs, trailing downward toward his stomach and his belly button. matty sighs. “you touch me like that. like you do when you’re really here…”

“matty, i am really here!” she laughs, kissing his head this time. her thumb moves in circles on his collarbone. “open your eyes, ‘m right here.”

“‘s a trick,” he mumbles. a moment later his mouth finds the hollow of her throat. her skin is slightly cold to the touch, halfway to warming up. against his lips he feels the chain she always wears, like she’s come back home and gotten straight into bed. matty scoffs, what a strange thought. 

“you’ll disappear if i open my eyes. and i want you to stay. i miss you…” he says, “i can’t wait two more days till you’re home.”

“you don’t have to,” she giggles—it’s a giddy, breathless sound that makes him smile too. 

“you’re a good dream,” matty holds onto her tight, relishing how solid she feels in his arms. “the best dream i’ve ever had.”

her hands move over his body again until they’re on his face, cradling his cheek. then he feels her tilting his chin up, feels her lips on his—just one tiny, soft kiss. she smiles against his mouth, says something too but the words don’t fully register in his mind. 

“i’ll see you soon,” matty murmurs, properly sleepy now, unable to hold on for much longer. 

“you will,” her voice holds a promise. “go to sleep now, i can’t wait to see you in the morning.”

he chuckles at her words. just before sleep properly drags him under, he places his hand on her cheek, feels the familiar soft skin under his palm and hears her sigh. 

“and you’ll be here in the morning?” he teases, “will you be here as a daydream, bug?”

she threads her fingers through his hair, playing with them till it’s impossible to hold on to consciousness. just as he’s about to slip under, he hears her exhale. “i’ll be here as anything you want me to be,” she murmurs, kissing the crown of his head. 

matty succumbs to sleep.

taglist: @scooby-doodoo @partoftheairforce @justgoatsbreakinghearts0855 @beachesgetpeaches @you-muppet @mcabister @alexmarie29 @at-her-very-foreign @hfkait @sierraeslaprincesa @harrie-fic-center @alien-girl-violet @thereisaplaceintheheart @kennedy-brooke @lolidontknowanymore @celestcies @sugarkane1001 @ari-turner @daphnesutton @beliefandsayingsomething @ros3chu @nothingrevealedeverythingdenied @zzzhealy @mattymybeloved @indiaamars @sofaritsalrightt @k4tie75 @wondersecret @indierockgirrl @tonguepiercedanyway75 @if-my-heart-bleeds @abriefnirvana @renitypoem @sinarainbows @lady-may-targaryen @love4agesss @angrylittlebaldman @oneluckygirl @starvchaser @noacfapologyst @abouttofillhisshoes @tbhnotthatfunny @wrongendofyourcigarettte

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[hsficrecommendation]

Hello Everyone! This is masterlist #4 (June of 2023!) for the all fics I have reblogged on this side blog I hold super close to me. Remember to leave feedback and reblog all the writings below!

Also, a huge thank you to all the writers mentioned, I adore you so very much and I hope you keep writing for yourselves <3

••• JUNE •••

Valentine's Day | Y/N receives a special candy gram on Valentine’s Day. - @nationalharryleague

French Fries | Harry kept glancing at her as he drove. “M’sorry about our date,” he whispered. “I don’t know what you’re apologizing for,” she shrugged and reached over to squeeze his arm while he held the steering wheel. “I had a lovely time.” - @1d1195

Shy | Close | Motherly Love | Don't Leave Me | Mother's Day | ♡ When Harry runs into a perfect stranger at a supermarket, he doesn’t know what to expect. After having been single for over a year and raising Amelia without a mother, dating somebody new feels impossible… that is, until she wins over the heart of his daughter. - @harry-writings

Vogue Beauty Secrets | Actress!Y/N does the Vogue Beauty Secrets video, and Harry decides to help. - @astranva

Gonna be Better in the Morning | Jeff and reader get into a fight and Harry takes Jeff's side. (As always, there is a happy ending with lots of comforts) - @harryhoney-bee

Work of Art | A cute little fluffy artist!Harry piece with a hint of angst! - @nationalharryleague

Update | The Best Present | Harry falls for a mysterious girl from YouTube. - @watchmegetobsessed

When The Levee Breaks | You're a waitress and Harry is being stood up. - @songbirdstyles

Playball | ♡ The reader owns a bakery and hates baseball, but what happens when her town’s bigshot MLB player walks into her bakery and she finds herself catching feelings unaware of his occupation? - @writingsbymarie

The Con Artist | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | ♡ You're a wanted criminal and when Harry Styles, the detective on the case, finally catches up to you- he finds it difficult to resist your charms. - @gurugirl

Baby Steps | You’re Harry’s son's therapist, and he isn’t the only one you end up helping. - @enthusiasticharry

Mute | ♡♡ Where Harry doesn’t talk and falls in love with Y/n. - @harry-writings

Score and Smash | In which their university holds an annual boy vs girl football match, the highly anticipated game of the year has arrived and Harry and Y/N hate each other just as equally until Y/N is under Harry.

Quid Pro Quo | Another lawyer!Harry. Technically six years before this piece. Enemies to lovers with plenty of angst! - @talesofstyles

Six Months (Part 23) | ♡ Layla desperately needs a vacation and her Aunt and Uncle come to her rescue. So, at twenty two, she packs her bag and jets off to America. Harry took a break from education and is now a full fledged content creator on OnlyFans. At twenty, he makes more money than almost all of his friends. What ensues when these two meet and realise the windows in their rooms face each other? How will paper airplanes bring them closer together? - @fishnets-fingers

2022 : Masterlist #1 , #2 , #3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 2023 : Masterlist #1, 2, 3 (June masterlist would be continued in the next list!)

My official writing account in case you'd like to check out my fics too: @0oolookitsme :)

[vickiee-mcmuffin]

It's always been you

Word count: 3.8k

Pairing: Stephen Strange x Female Reader

Trope: Explicit Smut, Age gap (18+ Warning, Minors DNI)

A/N: Here's one of my old fics which is one of my favs. I've added some extra bits to the smut, so enjoy ;)

Summary: You're in a relationship with a guy called Luke after you were too scared to tell Stephen how you really felt about him. But one thing leads to another when you go to the Sanctum to see Stephen after an argument with Luke.

When you first arrived at Kamar Taj almost a year ago, it was Doctor Stephen Strange that you first met out of everyone. He was one of the masters there, after all, and despite that – you had fallen for him. Sometimes it felt like more than a crush, though, especially since you and Stephen grew closer and closer as time went by. You always assumed your crush would lead nowhere and you’d get over him, because there were days when you thought nothing would happen with you and Stephen. He was older than you; you were a good twenty years younger than him. Eventually, you decided to just date a guy who seemed a bit more attainable. That was when you met Luke. He was around your age, and you hoped that being with him would diminish the crush you had on Stephen – even though you were going to stay best friends with him.

But it didn’t take you long to realise that Luke wasn’t the man for you. He wasn’t always the best boyfriend. He seemed to only care about himself and his own pleasure, and it quickly got to you. There were days when it seemed like Stephen would listen to you more than your own boyfriend would. And whenever you told Stephen about your problems with Luke, he would always be so kind and caring.

And it was then that you realised that you loved Stephen. But fear got the best of you, and you weren’t ready to tell him the truth. You were convinced he didn’t even feel the same way back, anyway. Part of you was also scared to tell Luke that you wanted to end things. What if he freaked out and got angry?

You were officially stuck between a rock and a hard place.

******

It was early one evening and you found yourself laying on Luke’s bed. He wouldn’t even look at you, though. His eyes were stuck on his phone. As usual, he was paying no attention to you. But you were over it. If you were going to be with him, he would have to start acting like an actual boyfriend.

“Can you please just put your phone down and come cuddle with me?” you asked with a little pout.

But Luke said nothing. Whatever was on his phone seemed much more important.

“Luke,” you tried again. “Please just come cuddle with me.”

Luke grunted and rolled his eyes. “I heard you the first time, Y/N. I’m busy right now.”

“You barely ever give me any attention,” you said quietly. “It makes me upset. You’re always on your phone, talking to other people, when I’m right there.”

“Well, you’re always talking to Stephen,” snapped Luke.

“Uh, yeah. I talk to him because he actually listens to me.”

Luke chuckled. “I do listen to you.”

“When’s my birthday?” you suddenly asked him. It was a test. If he really, truly cared for you, then he would know that fact.

Luke shrugged. “July 9th.”

You shook your head, trying not to glare at him. “It’s June 9th. See. You don’t listen!”

And he didn’t even seem concerned with that as he tapped away on his phone. It hurt. It really did. And you found yourself with tears welling up in your eyes. You decided right then and there that you were going to talk to the person who actually listened to you. And that was Stephen.

You got off the bed in a huff, determined to get away from Luke. You stormed over to the door, yanking it open in a hurry.

“Where are you going?” Luke called out.

“It doesn’t matter,” you told him bluntly.

“I bet you’re going to him. At the Sanctum.” Luke’s voice was laced with an accusatory tone.

You didn’t answer. You just slammed the door shut, not caring that you were in your pyjamas. If Luke was going to treat you like that, then you were going to put some distance between the both of you. In a rush, you opened up a portal that would take you right to where Stephen would be. The New York Sanctum. You closed the portal behind you when you arrived and took quiet steps to Stephen’s room. Was he still awake? It was late. You hoped he was up.

When you got to his door you saw a small stream of light shining through. That was a good sign. You knocked on the door and heard some noise from behind it.

“Who’s there?” Stephen asked loudly.

“It’s me,” you responded.

“Come in!”

You pushed the door open, finding Stephen there in his robe and a thick book on his lap.

“Hey,” Stephen greeted you.

“Hi. Am I disturbing you?” you asked. That was the last thing you wanted to do.

“Not at all. What’s wrong?”

You sighed at the question. “Can I come and sit with you in the bed and tell you?”

“Of course.” Stephen pulled his blanket back, offering you a spot to sit.

You joined him on the comfortable bed, taking in the situation. You and Luke had just had a pretty nasty fight. And you hated the way he made you feel. You said nothing for a while, and neither did Stephen, until he finally broke the silence.

“What happened?” he asked.

You turned to look at him, noticing the worry on his face. You sucked in a sharp breath before starting your story. “Me and Luke just had a little argument.”

“Why?”

“I’ve just noticed that Luke doesn’t really pay attention to me. He wants to spend more time on his phone than he does with me.” As you said that, you could see Stephen shaking his head. “And earlier, I asked Luke if we could just cuddle. But all he did was ignore me.” The words got to you as you remembered the argument. Tears formed in your eyes yet again, your voice turning all soft.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” Stephen said quickly. He pulled you to him, letting you rest your head on his chest as he hugged you tight.

You pulled back a little to wipe at your eyes. “I’ve noticed during our whole relationship that he doesn’t really listen to me. He doesn’t show me that he cares about me.”

“I’ve noticed that too.”

Your eyes widened a little. “Really?”

Stephen nodded at you. “I’ve noticed how Luke upsets you. But I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to make you anymore upset. And I didn’t want to lose my best friend. I care about you, Y/N. So much. I love you. I love every part of you.”

Your head snapped to the side as you looked at Stephen, completely taken aback by what he had just said. Did he just…?

“What?” you asked with a whisper.

“Oh, shit,” he muttered, his eyes shutting for a second. He turned away from you, suddenly looking embarrassed.

“Stephen,” you called out to him.

He turned back around. Slowly. And there you saw his bright red cheeks.

“Is that true?” you wondered. “Did you really mean that?”

Stephen sighed loudly. “Yes. It’s true. And I’ve loved you ever since we first met. It broke my heart so much when I found out that you were with Luke. I kept my mouth shut because I just wanted to be happy for you. And I knew nothing could really happen between us, anyway. Because of our age gap…”

For a long time, you and Stephen just looked at each other. You were in the middle of taking in every word he just told you. His confession. But then you couldn’t help it when you sent him a teary-eyed smile. Reaching forward, you cupped his face with your hands. He smiled at you. A sweet, bright smile.

“I love you too. And I always have,” you whispered.

“Really?”

You nodded and leaned over to him, giving him a soft kiss. And then he kissed you back. And it was slow and moving and so, so perfect. But Stephen suddenly pulled away.

“What about Luke?” he asked you.

“Stephen, I’ve given Luke many opportunities. I’m done being treated second best,” you said confidently. You gave Stephen another kiss before eyeing him closely. “I’ve always loved you, Stephen. I’m sorry I was just too much of a coward to admit it.”

Stephen laughed lowly, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Well, that makes two of us then.”

You giggled right back at him before Stephen kissed you. It quickly grew heated, your tongue diving into Stephen’s mouth. His hands lowered and held your hips tight, pulling you right into his lap. Your lips broke apart for a split second, but Stephen wasted no time as he quickly pulled you back into a kiss.

Your arms quickly wrapped around his broad back, with Stephen mimicking the action as he held you nice and tight. Tongues dancing together, you suddenly felt something hard pressing into you. You had to pull away from Stephen when you realised what it was. You gasped, watching as Stephen blushed all over again.

But you didn’t care. You kissed him fast and hard and noticed just how quickly Stephen kissed you back. Rocking your hips against his, you heard Stephen groan for you. The noise literally had you going weak right there in his arms, your centre growing wetter and wetter.

You kept kissing and rocking your hips, loving the sounds Stephen kept making. Those deep, guttural groans. But you pulled away from him so you could whisper out a request.

“Please make love to me,” you told him.

“Are you sure?” he asked with big eyes.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” You meant every word.

Stephen kissed you softly before moving away from your mouth. “Okay.”

He shifted a little so that you were laying on the bed, while Stephen hovered above you. You shared another kiss before Stephen reached down, pulling off your top and exposing your breasts. He threw the top to the floor before he stared down at your breasts, taking them in. He stared at you, at your hard nipples. And then he blushed some more. You found it so adorable.

“You look so beautiful,” he said with a whisper. Then he leaned down, his warm lips kissing your skin. His lips ghosted over your nipples as he paid attention to each breast. Then he sucked one of your breasts into his mouth, moaning as a big hand grasped the other one.

The feeling had you whining. You reached down, raking a hand through Stephen’s thick locks. Your back arched for him, letting pleasure take over. You felt so wet. And it was all for Stephen. He stayed there, licking and sucking at your breast, before reaching down to pull down your pyjama bottoms and panties. They both hit the floor, and then you were completely and utterly exposed for Stephen. Every part of you was on show.

“Fuck,” Stephen hissed as he stared at you. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N.”

He moved down, kissing you hard and fast. Your tongues moved together wildly, but you had to see Stephen. You had to see him properly.

“I wanna see you too,” you said with a whine. “Please.”

“Alright, sweetheart.” He nodded. He got off the bed to stand up, slowly pulling off his robe, exposing his cock.

You literally gasped at what you were seeing. He was so hard. And so, so big. Thick too. You couldn’t wait to feel him deep inside of you.

Stephen got back on the bed and you wasted no time spreading your legs for him. Stephen then got settled in between your legs as he hovered above you. He kissed you softly, and while his mouth was so perfect, you needed him to take you already.

“Please fuck me,” you pleaded with him.

“Okay,” Stephen groaned. “But I’m gonna start off slow. I don’t want to hurt you.”

You smiled at how sweet and caring he was being. “Okay.”

Stephen gave you a soft kiss before grabbing his cock. He ran the tip up and down your wet slit a few times. The swollen tip of his cock was soon covered in your arousal. You let out a sharp moan when you felt Stephen press the head of his cock against your clit. It felt so good.

“Are you ready?” He asked, voice deep.

You nodded eagerly at him. Stephen watched you closely as he pressed the tip of his cock to your entrance, and then he slid right into you with absolute ease. You moaned in unison, and then Stephen buried his face in your neck as he pushed more of his cock into you. You quickly wrapped your arms around him, wanting to feel him close. You could hear Stephen groaning into your ear when he filled you up, right to the hilt as he bottomed out. The noise had you clenching around him.

“Fuck,” Stephen moaned out.

“Are you okay?” you quickly asked.

Stephen moved so that he could stare down at you. His cheeks were so red. “Yes. You just feel so good wrapped around my cock.”

You gave him a quick kiss. “Please move. Please.”

Stephen’s eyes were stuck on you as he began to move his cock. He was moving slowly, but the pleasure was still there and had you letting out little moans. You dragged your nails across his skin, digging into him. But you had to have more.

“Please move faster,” you begged. “Please.”

Stephen did. He thrusted into you that little bit faster and harder, and you couldn’t help it when you let out a long moan. The sound filled the room right up. You couldn’t believe how good he was making you feel. The pleasure was so new to you, and you had no idea that sex could feel so good.

Stephen kept moving in and out of you, his cock stretching you out. He was moving fast and hard and it was exactly what you needed.

“Oh, please don’t stop!” you let out.

“I’m not gonna stop.” He leaned down, giving you a rushed kiss that you eagerly returned. Stephen placed his hands on either side of your head and suddenly began to just pound into you wildly.

“Stephen!” you whined out. “Mm, fuck me just like that!”

Your shaky hands reached down as you grabbed at the blankets, pulling at them as Stephen took you hard and fast and so, so deep. Your knuckles literally turned white as you grabbed at the blankets, getting lost in the pure pleasure that Stephen was giving you. The sound of skin hitting skin filled the room and you loved every second of it.

Stephen suddenly pushed his cock into you nice and deep. The swollen tip of his cock was pressing up against that sweet, sensitive spot – a spot no one had ever reached before.

“Mm, your cock feels so good,” you cried out.

“Fuck.” Stephen suddenly lowered his body, pressing up against you tightly.

You kissed each other hard and fast; all the while Stephen kept hitting that spot again and again. You circled your arms around his back and let out a long moan when you realised that your orgasm was quickly forming. It was something you had never felt before. You needed it so bad.

“You’re gonna make me cum,” you whined out. Stephen was fucking you so good. He knew exactly how to touch you. Exactly how to make you feel good, and you knew you were going to meet your orgasm any second now.

That seemed to trigger something in Stephen, because he began to pound into you wildly from above. You kept crying out, letting Stephen know just how good he was making you feel. Your back arched as that wild feeling grew more and more. You kept moaning, unable to believe how good you were feeling – and how it was Stephen of all people who was making you feel so good. And then the feeling hit you. Your orgasm. It hit you hard and fast and you lost it right there on Stephen’s cock.

“Oh, Stephen!” you moaned out, letting your orgasm take over your body. It felt so good. You were growing wetter and wetter by the second, letting Stephen pound right into you.

Stephen fucked you right through your orgasm. He was dragging out the pure pleasure, allowing you to feel every second of it. He groaned deeply, and you had a feeling it was because your pussy was clenching right around Stephen, pulling him deeper and deeper into you.

He kept pounding into you and you suddenly felt something else growing. Another orgasm. But it felt so much stronger than the one you just had. It was building up, second by second, the heat just growing the more Stephen fucked you. And he was fucking you so good, so hard. He seemed to be entirely focused on your pleasure alone, his cock stretching you out and filling you up at just the right angle yet again.

“Stephen, please keep moving,” you whined as he kept on thrusting his cock into you. “Oh, fuck. I think I’m going to…”

"Just let go, sweetheart," Stephen told you.

After those words left his mouth, you felt yourself coming undone. You couldn’t say anything. All you did was scream loudly as you came a second time, the feeling driving you wild. You were gushing right around Stephen’s length, making you feel so wet between your thighs. It was something you had never felt before, and you kept feeling yourself getting wetter the more Stephen fucked you. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you saw white, your ears ringing. All you could feel was complete and total pleasure as you felt your body shaking. Stephen was dragging out that wonderful feeling with his cock, like he wanted to make sure that your orgasm was lasting as long as possible.

You whined and cried out, eyes shut tight as your strong orgasm hit you. You still didn’t say anything and instead just let out sounds of pleasure, your breathing unsteady as Stephen fucked you good and hard.

Eventually, the wonderful feeling faded, and you found yourself letting out soft whines as Stephen kept moving in and out of you, his cock twitching inside of you.

“I’m gonna cum,” he muttered out.

“Mm, you can cum inside of me,” you whispered, wanting to feel him lose himself inside of you. “I’m on the pill. Please cum inside of me. Please.” You needed it. You had to have Stephen – every part of him.

It seemed as if that was all Stephen needed to hear, because a second later, he was giving you a few more deep thrusts before letting out the deepest of groans. And then he came. He came right there inside of you, filling you up. He lost all control, giving you every drop of cum he had to offer.

He was panting wildly as he pushed in and out of you. Soon his breathing settled and he laid down next to you on the bed. You were in the middle of catching your breath too. You were still trying to process what just happened with you and Stephen.

Stephen seemed to get his breathing back on track and got up. He put his robe on and then headed off into another room. He came back with a washcloth in hand. You laid there, body still shaking a little, as Stephen cleaned you up gingerly.

"Did you know you squirted?" Stephen asked you as he cleaned up your sensitive area gently.

You stared at him for a long moment before you shook your head. That must have been what you were experiencing earlier when you felt so wet between your thighs.

"No, no man has ever made me do that before... Until you of course," you told Stephen and he sent you a smile before winking at you. He then stood up and made his way back over to the other room to put the washcloth back.

After he returned from putting the washcloth back, he climbed back into bed with you and covered you with the warm blankets.

“Are you okay?” he asked lowly.

“I’m okay.” You nodded at him. You moved over to Stephen, laying down on his broad chest as he wrapped an arm around you. It felt so good to have him cuddle you, to have him hold you close.

It was quiet for a while. And you figured that Stephen just wanted to get some sleep, but then he broke the silence.

“So, when do you plan on telling Luke that your relationship is over?” he asked.

It was a good question. Shifting slightly, you looked up at Stephen. “I’ll probably tell him tomorrow, I guess. If he listens to me, that is. He barely even listens to me when I’m talking. He probably won’t even listen to me when I finally break up with him.”

“Does Luke listen to you about anything?” Stephen asked with a furrowed brow. He looked offended on your behalf.

You shook your head at him. “I don’t think so. He doesn’t even know when my birthday is. And he doesn’t know the stuff I like, or the stuff I don’t like.”

Stephen’s eyes widened. “How could he not remember that your birthday is the 9th of June? Or that your favourite flowers are roses? Or that you hate spicy food?” There was such disbelief in Stephen’s voice, like he couldn’t even process the fact that Luke didn’t know those things about you.

You looked at Stephen for what felt like an hour. You were in total shock. How was it that your boyfriend didn’t know any of that stuff, but Stephen did? Stephen knew you better than your boyfriend did. Better than anyone else, it seemed.

“How… How do you know all of that?” you finally let out, your voice a bit shaky. Your mind was still a little hazy from your love making session.

Stephen just smiled at you. “I actually listen to everything you tell me.”

You returned his smile. It was big and bright, and that was because you were experiencing full, pure joy. You kissed Stephen softly and slowly, loving the way he gently kissed you back. You were right where you belonged. Right there with the man who actually knew you. You were so lucky that the two of you had found each other – even with the Luke hurdle that had been thrown your way. But he could be dealt with later.

“I love you, Stephen Strange,” you said with a whisper.

“I love you too, Y/N,” he said, his voice laced with what you could only describe as pure love. You and Stephen laid there together, wrapped up in each other’s arms. Your eyes fluttered shut as pure exhaustion took over. But you were truly over the moon that it was Stephen that you were with. Because he was the one who listened to you. He was the one who cared for you. And he was the one who loved you.

And you loved him just as much.

Tag list: @butchers-girl @azu21 @polytheatrix @lucimorningst4r @evelyn-kingsley @withalittlehoney @mirikusashes @bobateadaydreams @strangelockd @thealleydog @cemak @stewardofningishzida @smokeywhalee @floatingfireflies @iamsherlocked1479 @icytrickster17 @asherloki @alice-bcmf @aphroditesdilemma @strangesthirdeye @rmoonstoner @stephenswh0re

[writing-for-marvel]

Triage

[He’s Hazardous To My Health Series]

Paramedic!Bucky Barnes x Resident!Fem!Reader

Series Masterlist | PART 2 > >

Summary: A slightly reckless and exceedingly charming paramedic carries a young girl into your ER, proving that not all superheroes wear capes.

Warnings: strictly 18+ due to the AU, set in an emergency room, I am not a healthcare worker and my medical knowledge is limited to what I’ve seen in Greys Anatomy lol, incident where people are injured from a derailed train, mentions of wounds & surgery & loss of life, injuries to a young child, needles & stitching, my terrible attempt at writing flirty banter

Word count: 3.2k

A/N: based off the winner of this poll, we say hello to paramedic!Bucky ❤️ this is my first entry for the Connect 4: Into an Alternate June-iverse Event by @buckybarnesevents, fulfilling the prompt ‘First Responder AU’. Thank you to @rookthorne who looked this over for me and gave me the confidence to keep writing it 🩵 banners by @vase-of-lilies

Main Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Taglist | Library

“Incoming trauma. Train collided with a car and derailed. First wave ETA three minutes.”

At the moment your director of emergency medicine announces the tragedy and flood of imminently arriving patients, the televisions in the emergency room switch to breaking news - a presenter, wearing a solemn expression, speaks as a split screen shows what you can only describe as a colossal catastrophe.

The ER becomes silent as all eyes focus on the screens, only the rhythmic beeping of the pulse oximeters cut through the silence, a heavy weight blanketing the room as the realisation of what you’re seeing sets in.

You can’t hear what precisely he’s saying, but you can’t bring yourself to look away whilst watching the live chopper vision of smoke billowing from the train laying unnaturally on its side, barely any movement from the scene makes you wonder if anyone could have survived the incident.

The three minutes before the ambulances arrive go by in a flash, feeling like you hardly have time to mentally prepare for the extent of injuries and potential loss of life you will be facing. Then, almost in an instant, as if flicking a switch, chaos in its purest form descends upon the emergency room.

You watch on as paramedics and firefighters wheel patients in on gurneys, one by one filling up the limited trauma beds in the ER. Dr Stephen Strange directs medical personnel, making sure each case is assigned to an appropriate physician, the more serious injuries bypassing trauma intake all together and heading straight towards surgery.

Your eyes land on one man in particular between the sensory overload of people - tall, broad shoulders with long chestnut hair, carrying a young girl with one strong arm as he pushes a gurney with the other. Who you can only assume is the girl's mother, is unconscious and has blood staining the roots of her long blonde hair. Your heart aches for them as she’s handed over to the surgery team in wait, and even though the ER is filled with many conflicting loud voices, you hear the high pitched cry of the young girl for her mommy. The paramedic, now with his second arm free, pulls her into his chest before making his way to one of the trauma beds.

“You!” Dr Strange’s voice pulls your attention back to the fray and you find he’s pointing directly to you - you’ll forgive him for forgetting the name of a new resident during this moment of crisis. “The young girl with Barnes, she’s your responsibility.” That’s all the instruction he has time for before moving onto the next resident.

As you make your way through the maze of people towards the young girl, your mind flashes back to the footage of the wreckage and how grim it appeared. It seems like a miracle that this young girl is conscious and looks relatively unharmed with the exception of a few abrasions.

“I’m the one who brought her in, she’ll be all alone while her mother is in surgery, all I’m asking is to stay with her while she gets examined.” The well-built paramedic, Barnes, argues with your head nurse, pride and admiration swelling warm in your chest - he’s standing up for a scared, young girl who can’t voice what she needs right now.

“That’s perfectly fine.” You cut in, knowing Christine is a stickler for protocol and would never allow non-family members to stay with patients, even in dire circumstances. If there is a time to bend the rules slightly, you figure this is it. “I think she feels a lot more comfortable with you here anyway, isn’t that right sweetie?” The young girl nods her head, little hands reaching out to grab hold of the paramedics’ large one, eyes brimming with frightened tears.

“Thank you.” He mouths as Christine storms off to deal with the many other patients that require her attention. Your focus now switches to the precious girl in front of you - no matter how hectic the ER gets, how devastating the incident is, your thoughts need to be directed solely on her care, and not ogling at the attractive EMT who is currently soothing her.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” You ask the scared, little girl, but not before offering your own as a sign of good faith. She looks up to Barnes for reassurance before answering.

“Sasha.” She confesses with a small voice, partially hiding her face in the broad paramedic’s arm as she does so.

“Okay Sasha, I’m here to check you over, help patch up these cuts and make sure you have no other injuries so we can get you up to see your mommy as soon as possible. Can I do that for you?” She nods her head, sitting up a little straighter in the bed all the while maintaining a tight hold on Barnes’ hand.

“Can you tell me who your friend here is, Sasha?” You ask as you start your examination, feeling the medics’ pair of eyes watching you intently, something more than just concern for your patient's well-being has heat creeping up your chest to the tips of your ears in silent attraction.

“Bucky. He pulled me from the train.”

“All by himself? Wow, he must be super strong to do that.” You glance up at Bucky to find him staring at you with what you hope is a mixture of captivation and endearment. He offers an enchanting smile, making butterflies, which have no right to exist in an emergency room, flutter in your stomach.

“He also got my mommy too.” Sasha adds, you suspect with the youthful intent to impress you even more.

“As well!” You say in a dramatic tone which makes her beam a proud smile that she did in fact amaze you. “Sasha, I think you got rescued by a real life superhero.” You continue in a staged whisper that not only has Sasha giggling, but brings a flush to Bucky’s cheeks. The bashful blush only makes him more attractive in your eyes.

As you continue your examination, cleaning and bandaging all lacerations, keeping Sasha distracted by asking about her favourite activities and animals, you can progressively feel her opening up and trusting you more. From your experience, it can be difficult to earn a child’s trust when they are in such a foreign place, surrounded by strangers, and in particular in this scenario, when a parent isn’t around. Having Bucky, whom she formed a bond with as soon as he rescued her from the train, stay by her side through the ordeal, has been to both your benefit.

Once you cleaned all her cuts, making sure Bucky held her hands so Sasha could squeeze when the disinfectant caused a sharp, stinging sensation, you begin examining her stomach, prodding her abdomen for any signs of tenderness.

“Does that hurt, Sasha?” You enquire when she flinches and whines at your touch.

“Yes, right there.” You're proud she trusts you enough to admit that, though now concerned about potential internal bleeding. You need to act fast, but you don’t want to instil more fear in her given she’s already had a large dose today.

“Okay, it’s nothing to worry about yet, but I’m going to order you a scan so we can see what’s going on in your tummy.” Your eyes flick instinctively to Bucky, to provide some consolation in a time where you’re both worried about the young girl you’ve both become attached to in such a short time. You see the considerable concern furrowed in his brow soften when his eyes meet yours.

“Will it hurt?” Sasha’s frightened voice breaks your heart - she’s had to endure enough pain and suffering for the day, watching her mother cling to life in an ambulance, you’re desperate not to add to it.

“Not at all, it’s as painless as having your picture taken!” You explain, watching the alarm melt from her features, and feeling the tension in Bucky’s shoulders relax simultaneously. “All you have to do is stay really, really still, can you do that for Bucky and I?” The notion that there is a Bucky and you makes something in your chest buoyant.

“Yes!” She promises without missing a beat and Bucky squeezes her small hands with a relieved smile.

When Sasha’s attention turns to the nurse whose job it is to take her up for the scan, you notice Bucky discretely wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. He says a sweet goodbye before she’s wheeled away, knowing this is where a paramedic and hospital patient part ways. Sasha enthusiastically waves back to both of you as the nurses wheels her away, not stopping until they turn a corner and she’s completely out of sight.

Bucky clears the lump in his throat before stating, “I think it’s my turn to leave now.”

“Don’t think I can’t see you wincing every time you move. Sit your cute butt down, you aren’t going anywhere till I check you over too.” You say as you finish completing the form to refer Sasha for the CT scan, missing the downright cheeky smirk plastered on Bucky's face.

“You think I have a cute butt, huh?” You can hear the smugness in his voice and you have to fight the corners of your mouth from upturning in a smile. He does have a cute butt - not that you’ve been staring - but you’re certainly not admitting that to his gorgeous face.

“Not the point - now, shirt off so I can take a look.” Finishing your paperwork, you finally look up to notice his cocked head and flirty smile. Having studied long hours in med school and worked even longer hours all last year as an intern, you recognise it’s been a while since a stranger has looked at you with this level of desire.

“At least buy me dinner before you ask to see me naked.”

“I’m a doctor, I’m sure it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” You challenge, even though you’re positive his strapping frame, which fills out his uniform completely, will be even more impressive without a shirt. You have to swallow the saliva forming in your mouth so you quite literally don’t drool at the thought of his unclad body.

“Why don’t we find an on-call room and I can prove to you it’s not.” He teases in a low, alluring voice and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself smiling like an idiot - it, however, does not stop your face from warming like a heating pad. It’s infuriating how beautiful he is, and it’s definitely criminal to act as cocky as he is right now.

“Only if you let me patch you up first.” You bargain.

Bucky finally concedes, unbuttoning and shrugging off his uniform shirt to reveal a wound in his side about the length of a teaspoon which is still trickling blood. The tightening concern which overwhelms your body at the sight of the gash, which is much worse than you predicted he’d be concealing and will require stitches, distracts you from the allure of seeing his shirtless chest.

You shake your head, knowing he would have been fully aware he was injured since pulling Sasha and her mom from the train, and in an incredible amount of pain, but waited until others received treatment before allowing himself to be tended to.

“You should have told me about this.” Tentatively you place gauze over the cut, gently applying pressure to stop the oozing but not firm enough where he’s in pain. You can feel his attentive eyes following your every careful move, and maybe it’s just your imagination, but you swear you can hear his breath hitch in his throat and feel his thumping heartbeat quicken as your hands graze his bare skin.

“There are many people in need of more urgent care than me.”

You look up at him from your position tending to his abdomen to find his face intimately close to yours. You can’t help yourself, being this close to him, but your eyes flicker to his lips, noticing a faint scar along his top lip you could only perceive by being this close.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it at all.”

Bucky gazes deeply into your eyes with a vulnerability which makes you doubt whether anyone has ever appraised him that he is worth taking care of. The thought feels like a punch to your gut.

“It’s relatively superficial, I can look after it myself.” He attempts to brush you off. If this weren’t your first time meeting the guy, and you didn’t feel like you were overstepping by protesting, you wouldn’t let him dismiss you so easily. “Can’t you overlook protocol this one time and give me the okay to get back out in the field? We are still looking through the wreckage for survivors, need all hands on deck” He flashes you wide, puppy dog eyes which have you melting at the knees. You suspect this isn’t the first time he’s used this ploy to get what he wants.

As if he can sense your resolve dissolving the longer you look in his mesmerising eyes, he starts to stand. But no, you aren’t going to let those ocean blues and infectious smile stop you from doing your job, and showing Bucky that his well-being is just as important as anyone else who came into the ER today. Placing your hands on his bare, broad shoulders, you push him back down onto the bed.

“You won’t be able to help anyone when you’re back in here with sepsis because this wound got infected.” You comment as you prepare the suture kit and implements you’ll need to first clean out the wound.

“At least that way I’d be able to see you again.” He jests, before sharp intake of breath as you begin disinfecting and debriding the laceration.

Even though you realise he’s joking, hopefully only about not taking care of his wound properly and not about wanting to see you again, you suspect there’s a small sliver of truth he’s hiding. There typically is a grain of truth in every joke - he seriously would have returned to the scene without receiving treatment if you hadn’t stopped him, twice.

“You don’t need the excuse of a life threatening illness to see me again. In fact, I would prefer it that way.”

Bucky eyes you with fondness as you finish up washing out his wound, even through the sharp sting and you expressing your disapproval of his careless actions. You’re not sure what you’ve done to deserve the warmth in his gaze, but you enjoy it nonetheless.

Once the area is numbed, you can instantly sense the ease which overcomes Bucky at no longer being in discomfort. Though the grunts and groans that slipped past his lips were rather sexy, you much rather seeing him in an absence of pain.

The two of you stay in comfortable silence as you lend all your attention to the placement and execution of each stitch, knowing that if you do a good enough job, a wound this size will heal to an almost imperceptible scar. Though it’s difficult, you restrain your focus from how the taut muscles of his stomach flex as you're working.

“Alright, almost good as new.” Is what you comment once you’ve thrown the last stitch and placed a bandage over the area. “You’re ready to get back to being a real life superhero.” You tease, knowing the effect the word had on him last time. You’re pleased to see that same blush bloom lightly over his high cheekbones.

“Thanks for lookin’ after me, doc.” Bucky shows his gratitude with a lopsided smile you could get so used to basking in. As he buttons up his shirt, you allow your eyes to linger on his clearly defined abs for a second before they’re covered over. He really has no right to be as gorgeous and charming as he is. “And for being such a bright light in what has otherwise been a very dark day.”

“Same to you, Bucky.” Guilt eats away at a small part of you that during what is for a lot of people in this hospital such a tragic day, you’ve instead actually enjoyed the company of a cheeky paramedic.

“Take care of Sasha for me, won’t you?”

“She’s in the best hands.”

“I don’t doubt that for a minute.” He says with a tone which makes you think he’s only referring to you, when you were in fact meaning the entire hospital staff. Your heart flutters at the implication.

When neither of you say anything more, silence lingering for an almost awkward length, Bucky turns to leave. Even though you know you eventually must part ways, your heart aches that the end has seemingly come so soon. Luckily, you have a reason to call him back and spend an extra moment together.

“Hang on, you need to sign a release form before you’re allowed to go.” You say, hand brushing his as you provide a clipboard and pen, a shiver running up your arm which you hope Bucky doesn’t notice. If he does, he doesn’t mention it as instead he quickly surveils the document and chuckles.

“If you wanted my phone number, all you had to do was ask.” Damn him and that cheeky, smug grin you’re already falling for.

“This is purely protocol.” You counter, wanting to take his cocky persona down a peg. Bucky simply smirks, as if he can easily see through your half-truth like glass.

“So you’re telling me you don’t want my number?” He challenges, and though you don’t want to admit he’s won this back and forth between the two of you, you’ll consider yourself a winner as long as you come away with a means of contacting him after today.

“I didn’t say that.”

He hands you back the clipboard, a corner of the sheet torn off with his number scribbled specifically for you to take. You try not to look too desperate by taking the note immediately and putting it in your pocket as you plan on doing as soon as he isn’t watching you.

“The next time I see you, I hope we won’t be in an emergency room.” The suggestion there will be a next time makes giddiness rise in your chest as if you’re a schoolgirl with a crush.

“Don’t count your luck, James.” You tease, having spied his true first name on his patient form. “I haven’t called yet.” You try to sound calm, even though you can feel your heartbeat quickening the longer those captivating blue eyes regard your every move.

“I have a feeling you will, even if it is just to tell me Sasha’s pulled through alright,” Bucky pauses, slowly leaning in so you have a perfect view of his exquisite eyes, and his dilated pupils, as he lowers his voice. “Or for a rain check on that on-call room rendezvous.” He calls your bluff before flashing what you’re now sure is his signature smirk, leaving you with a fluttering heart and butterflies in your stomach.

As you watch Bucky walk out the exit of the ER, turning to shoot you a wink before the door closes behind him, you know three things for certain: firstly, you’ll definitely call him tomorrow, secondly, this man is going to utterly ruin you, and finally, you’re going to let him.

Part 2 > >

Be added to the series taglist here

[alonetimelover]

Action! - tolerate it - 2020

Pairings: Harry Styles x Director!Reader

Summary: YN sees how much Harry is distancing himself from her and their relationship. She decides to confront him, not realising the cascade of events about to happen and the feelings she had buried within herself.

Warnings: angst! swearing, mention of unfaithfulness

Word count: ~3,0k

A/N: Another one based on a song, like the title says: tolerate it by Taylor Swift. Hope you enjoy it! x

requested by @abbeyroad069 I hope it meets your expectations 💗

part 2 - champagne problems

series masterlist let's talk about action!universe

20th of June was, like any day in California, warm and sultry.

Sun high above illuminating his face through the dimmed windows. Book that she recommended to him in his hands, flipping pages from time to time, annotating it. Scribbling in his notebook after having found a noteworthy quote. His hair falling into place like dominoes, the pink hair-slide having been forgotten from the gym the other day. Rolled up sleeves, showing his multiple tattoos and shorts, short enough to give her a peak of his Brazil one. 

She was sitting opposite him watching. Observing his head hanging low, reading the book she loved so much. His chest was rhythmically lifting with each of the deep and calm breath. His left hand, folding down the pages he’d already read. The right one fiddling with the pencil. 

She noticed everything he did and didn’t do. 

She sat and watched him. 

“I can feel your eyes on me, baby,” Harry spoke without sparing her a glance. “You’re staring.”

“I’m admiring.” Scrutinising. 

Harry closed the book and turned to her, “are you?”

“Yeah.”

“Not now, at least. Also that plant hasn’t changed since the day we bought it,” he noted, noticing her eyes watching the flower. 

He was wrong. Not for the first and probably last time. That plant was the fourth she brought to their shared house. The first one, that Harry was alluding to, was overwatered, because before it, YN hadn’t known much about plants and had thought they needed water like people, every day. But it was succulent. YN replaced it within two weeks. 

The second plant, a completely different one - a fuchsia, didn’t last longer. This one being unfortunately knocked over by a dog of YN’s friend, and chewed on, leaving just two flowers. Nothing she could’ve done with them, she searched it up. 

The third one lasted the longest - almost three months. She only needed to replace it, having learned she was allergic to ficus. After weeks of a runny nose, sneezing whenever in a living room and lacrimation, she went to a doctor, did allergic tests and wallowed over her proud achievement that a living plant was. However, she gave it to her best friend, knowing it would be in good hands. 

Harry didn’t notice any change. It couldn’t have been easy for him though. Today was the first day in five months that he decided to actually spend time with YN. During those months he was meeting up with his new costars (of a movie YN was a director of), his management (discussing newest album), his bandmates (talking over new tour dates). All of that after having begged YN for moving in with him in LA, due to worldwide quarantine. 

“You know it’s an orchid?” She asked after some time. 

“Sure.”

“And the one we bought together was a crassula.”

“You threw away our Farquad?” He asked, exaggerating the hurt.  

 “Three months - no, wait - almost four months ago. I overwatered it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s not even the funniest part,” YN started to sound sarcastic. “I then bought a totally different plant that Doger knocked over and ate. Then another one that I - how it turned out - am allergic to. This one is the fourth plant here. I bought it two weeks ago. Isn’t it hilarious?”

“You’re being sarcastic. And I don’t even know what for, YN.” Harry reached for his book, attempting to restart the chapter. 

YN was very much surprised by how quickly and drastically the person she loved could change. One talkative person who wanted to discuss the slightest and smallest problem with his partner was not here. One caring person, who was hurt whenever his loved one was, felt absent. One gentle man, who looked after his partner trying to be the best for her lost the title.

“You understand it’s not about plants?” 

“It sounds like it is,” he said dismissively, staring at the book. 

“But it isn’t. It’s about you, about us, Harry.” She emphasised the pronoun.  

“YN,” he sighed, closing the book once again. “You’re starting this pointless argument for the third time this month.”

Fifth, she thought. It was the fifth time she tried to talk it over with Harry. Perhaps, she felt, she was misreading everything. Perhaps, the neglect she felt wasn't real. She must have been exaggerating the situation. Nothing changed. He loved her as much as yesterday or two years ago. It was pointless after all.

She was waiting by the door just like she was just a kid. Waiting, having laid the table with a ‘fancy shit’ as Harry called the tableware that he’d got from his mother. It was their anniversary. YN wanted to celebrate it simply, a cosy dinner with his favourite dish, Harry’s best wine and Phil Collins playing in the background. Nothing over the top. Just them, solemnising their third year together. 

He was late. Two and half hours late. 

Was she mad? She should have been, but was hopeful. Always putting so much faith in him. 

“What are you doing still up, love?” He asked tiptoeing into the house, five hours later.

“Happy anniversary!” 

She smiled from one ear to the other, holding up the cake she had baked by herself that morning. Even though, deep down she was sad and disappointed, celebrating this milestone was more important. They’d forget about this tardiness tomorrow, only remembering what was worth it.

“Oh! Indeed, happy anniversary, babe.” His eyes not knowing where to look. He forgot.

She hated being called babe. 

“Did you have dinner?”

“Yeah, I’m full.” He patted his stomach, simultaneously taking off his black trainers. “We went to this new sushi restaurant I’d talked to you about. It was amazing! The chef was so nice, giving me a tip on how to chop the spring onions correctly.” Oh, how eager he was about it. 

“Exciting. So you won’t be eating any tacos I made?” She asked hopefully. 

“‘M sorry, YN. I’m so tired, I'm just gonna shower and head to bed. Tomorrow’s morning I’m meeting up with Olivia to talk over the few scenes we’ve got together,” Harry said, yawning and already going up the stairs. 

Harry’s and Olivia’s characters didn’t have any scenes where they would talk with each other. 

“It’s not an argument. I want to kindly and calmly talk with you. When was the last time we actually discussed our relationship?” 

“Is there anything to discuss? We’re fine.”

“Harry,” YN sat up straight, giving Harry a pointer that he’d better listen. “You don’t only discuss your relationship when something’s wrong. And,” she paused, pondering about the next question, “you really think we’re fine?”

“Yes!” He lifted up his voice, becoming edgy. “Day after day you’re insinuating something. Just say it fucking straight, whatever that is on your heart, lay it on me.” 

If she did as he had said, would it mean the end? The confrontation was the last thing she wanted. Especially when Harry already was wired. But at the same time, when would be a better moment?

“I don’t think we’re fine. We’re growing apart,” she admitted. 

“It’s your opinion.”

“Yes, it is! Thank you for noticing, Harry,” YN expressed sarcastically. “Don’t you see how much you’ve distanced yourself from this -” She pointed between them. “This relationship?”

“Distanced? I’m working, YN. I’m trying to write an album. I’m working on three films. I’m managing a relationship with you.”

“Managing?” Her voice smaller, the weight of his words landing on her.

“Of course, it’s the only fucking thing you’ve heard. Of course.” He scoffed, shaking his head.

Harry stood up from the armchair, throwing his book on an oaken coffee table. His hands brushing over his hair and then beard, he’d grown over the quarantine. 

“It’s not. You’re working, Harry. I understand that. I see you writing music and preparing for your roles. I’m here. Just like you wanted me to be. How you begged me to be.” She tried staying as calm as possible. “I am here and you’re not.”

“What do you want me to do, YN? Hmm? I can’t be at the two places at the same time. I can’t give you as much attention as you crave. I can’t.” He was throwing his hands up and down, talking with them as well. 

“Is it craving attention by just wishing your partner was there for you?”

“You think I’m not?”

“Stop asking stupid questions, Harry!” She broke her calmness, all her feelings finally having space to leave her body. “You’re not here. Not at home, not in this relationship.”

“I just said, I can’t give you all the attention you crave, “ he repeated. 

“Love?”

“What?”

“What about love? Can you give it to me?”

“Oh, now you’re sounding ridiculous. I’m done with this conversation, YN.”

He moved swiftly over the table and rushed towards the stairs. 

“I love you, Harry. Can you say it?”

He can’t, she said in her mind, observing how his shoulders tensed, halting his movements. Then, her eyes started getting teary. But she wasn’t going to cry in front of him. No. She’d wait and just like over the last two weeks, she’d wait for him to go to sleep, then she’d sit down in the downstairs bathroom and sob. Sob for minutes or hours. Shaking with all the emotions trapped inside, hurting every inch of her body.

She knew her love should have been celebrated. 

“If it’s all in my head just tell me now,” she whispered, knowing he could hear her. “Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow. Tell me that for the last five months you haven’t lied about where you were going. Tell me that you really didn’t forget about our anniversary. Tell me that she’s not the one you’re going to every day. Tell me I’m wrong. I beg you,” she whimpered. 

Pathetic, she thought. 

He still hadn’t moved. Maybe he was preparing his apology, or a break up discourse, where YN’s thoughts. 

“YN,” Harry sighed, still not looking in her direction. 

“Tell me I’m wrong.” She pressed him. 

“I - I don’t know.”

“You don’t know if I’m wrong or you don’t know what to say?”

“I didn’t cheat on you.” His voice was low, like it wasn’t really his. 

Many would laugh but she had never thought about it. She trusted him too much to even consider it. From day one of their relationship to this day, she’d never believed any rumour, any post on social media, any article, any fan, any ‘friend’. She believed him, she believed his ‘I love you’s, his ‘I care about you’s, his ‘you’re the love of my life’, his ‘you’re the only one for me’. No doubt there. 

What she thought and worried about was him falling out of love.

And there were more and more signs it had already happened.

“I know. It never crossed my mind.”

Harry’s mood was changing constantly for the last 20 minutes. From very relaxed, to riled up, then annoyed and eventually scared. His mind was full of enigmas he couldn’t solve. Mixed emotions and feelings, messing with him. 

“Then what are you accusing me of?”

“Assuming I - we - are fine.”

“YN-”

“Harry. Be genuine. If not with me, then - then just with yourself.” The least she could do was make him realise it.

“I am. I - I am genuine. I -” he gulped. “I love you.” 

It was like a dagger stabbing her in the heart. The sentence, echoing in her brain, quizzical voices talking over each other, ragging on her. 

Where was that man who’d throw blankets over her barbed wire? She made him her temple, her mural, her sky. Temple, she went to ask for advice, direction, forgiveness and adoration. Mural, she appreciated all over and watched being appreciated by so many. Sky, she couldn’t imagine living without, looking up to it, thanking it for its presence. 

“I love you.” 

But this one was full of it, full of actual love. It could say everything just by the way she expressed it, all feelings inside it. No more to add, nothing to cut. Just three words. Three sincere words. 

“Please,” he begged, knowing what was awaiting him. “Can we go to sleep? We’ll talk about it tomorrow, I promise.”

Letting it slide would mean not talking about it until the moment she’d grow some confidence. She couldn’t do it. As much as it hurt her, what was coming, she needed to be strong. She needed to hear it. No matter the heartbreak. 

“You’ll break that promise. Promises about coming home on time, meeting me up for lunch, going with me to that new sushi restaurant, showing me your newest idea for a song. Promises you break, one after the other since February.” She stood up, walking up to him. “Promises about missing me-”

“Stop.”

“Promises about caring about me.”

“I said stop, YN.” His voice slowly gaining power. 

“Promises about loving me-”

“I said stop!” He shouted, making her flinch. “Stop it, YN! The way you feel doesn’t give you a reason to put it on me, making me feel like a monster, like the one responsible for everything.”

“But you promised all those things, not meeting them at the end.”

“So what?”

She begged her brain to play with her. He didn't just say it. 

“Harry, you lied so many times that I don’t know what’s true anymore. Last month, you talked about meeting Jeff for coffee and the next day there were photos of you with Olivia all over the internet. Few days ago you mentioned the trip with Chris and Gemma, but the same day the trip is going to be, are the days Gemma is spending at her parent’s farm and Chris is visiting our house. Today you said you loved me and - and -,” she couldn’t say it. 

This conversation felt like running up to the finish line of the run, you didn’t want to participate in. One that wouldn’t bring you fulfilment. One that would leave you sore all over, but mostly hurting your poor heart. One that the winner - you - would be an actual loser. 

He stood silently, looking down at his white socks. He couldn’t bring himself to look in her eyes. She made him aware of his feelings. Or the lack of them. This whole conversation not only angered or annoyed him but mostly made him think. Why did he lie so many times? Why couldn’t he stop? What was he thinking then and now? When did it all start? When did he lose it? Where was he, not realising he was hurting one person he promised not to lay a finger on? Why wasn't there any guilt? If so, why couldn’t he look into her eyes?

“When was the last time you asked anything about my life? Do you remember what show I’m working on? Do you remember the date we scheduled to fly to London? Do you remember anything?” She started listing everything that was bothering her.

“I told you about that new show,” she started answering for him. “Stranger Things. I wrote that one character, a guy who loves music, is an outcast. Character that is so close to my heart. One, I’m proudest of. Do you remember talking about it? Or rather me telling you about it?”

Silence. 

“What about that one conversation about going upstate to my cabin? We’re supposed to leave in three days. Or are you meeting up with Olivia to discuss scenes that you do not have together?” 

Perhaps she was jealous. And perhaps, deep down, she thought about the possibility. The infidelity. She was so stunned with the love he made her used to be, trust he provided, that the concept of him being unfaithful was buried within other problems. 

“I’ll pack some stuff and leave for a few days.” It was all he said, before moving upstairs, leaving her flabbergasted. 

Like in a trance, all feelings leaving her body, she walked to the couch and sat down. Thoughts were swirling in her mind, making her numb. She looked across the room, finding the photo of her and Harry from their first visit at Anne’s, laughing maniacally because Gemma had said something funny. It was the first time she met his family properly (in real life, not on FaceTime), seven months into the relationship. It was crazy how now she considered them her family too. Even more than her own.

Was it all going to collapse now? 

“Now, lovebirds, big smiles for the family album!” Anne shouted over Christmas music playing loudly. 

The warmth coming from the fireplace behind her, and the one provided by Harry, made her cheeks feel hot. Matching sweater she had bought for her and Harry, tickling her neck, big woollen socks she got from Gemma tucking her. They were right after the big dinner, carols singing and gifts exchanging. It all felt like Christmas portrayed in movies. 

“It’s an honour, you know,” Harry whispered. 

“What d’you mean?” She looked up at him. 

“Mum has a big album with only a few photos from each year ending up there. I think it’s the last vacant space for 2018, love.” Harry squeezed her closer to himself, cuddling her. “Now say cheese or gimme a kiss.”

“I’m not kissing you in front of your mum!” she protested with a teasing smile. 

“Don’t be a prude,” he joked. “One, little kiss?” 

“Nope.” She popped the ‘p’. 

“Don’t make me beg.” Harry pouted, stepping on the dangerous territory. His pointing finger holding her chin, making her look at him once again. 

He smirked, “you look even more beautiful today, my love.” Smirk turning into his winning smile. 

“You are unbelievable,” she shook her head, slightly puckering her lips. 

“Okay, that’s enough flirting!” Gemma yelled. “Mum snap a photo before you become grandma.”

They laughed in embarrassment but underneath feeling peaceful.

With a Gucci suitcase in hand, Harry appeared in a corner of her eye, almost swimming to the front door. 

“I’ll be back in a few days. I - I need to think about it all. I lo - I’ll see you then, YNN.” 

Just that. 

The door closed, soon being followed by the sound of the engine starting and slowly withering. 

She knew her love should’ve been celebrated. But he tolerated it.

And she did nothing.

She sat and watched him. 

[late-to-the-party-81]

Surprise, Surprise

AN: It took me a while @navybrat817 but I did something with this little thot you sent me back in June for my birthday. This serves as a follow- up to my kinktober fic Need you now.

Unbeta'd ramblings

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Relationship: Alpha! Nomad Steve x Omega! Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

CW: Angst, Attempted assault, Misogyny, Mild Violence, Fluff and Feels, implied sexy times.

Steve leant forward, his weight shifting on to his arms as his hands lay flat against the control panel. It was just a reflex. Getting closer to the view screen wouldn’t change what it was saying, wouldn’t change the fact that he didn’t know where you were.

“I’ve gotta find her, Tony.”

“Chill your boots, Capsicle. She’ll be somewhere.”

Steve ground his teeth, biting back an angry retort.

“I haven’t seen or heard from her in months. She’s overdue her heat. Her apartment is all packed and cleared out. If she’s hurt, or in danger, I’ll never forgive myself.”

A firm hand came down on Steve’s shoulder.

“We’ll find your girl, Stevie. I’m sure Stark and I can put aside our differences long enough.”

There was a derisive snort from Tony’s workstation but Steve chose to ignore it.

“Thanks, Buck. I appreciate it.”

“It’s the least I could do, you know, considering that helping me is what got you into this in the first place.”

Steve gave Bucky a small smile.

“It wasn’t your fault, Buck. Blame the Accords.”

“But they’re rescinded now,” added Tony. “So now we’re a happy family once again, let’s find Cap’s errant Omega, shall we. Then Cyborg and I can go back to ignoring each other.”

Steve sighed and shook his head.

Where could you be?

You made your way down the busy sidewalk, trying your best not to get jostled by everyone else who seemed to be going in the opposite direction. It was cold and dark out, and you had on your big winter coat, but just the act of going against the flow was getting you all hot and sweaty. You didn’t dare undo it though.

It had been 5 months since you’d last seen Steve, when your one word missive via text had brought him out of hiding for a brief few days during your heat. A few days in which you could forget that he was a wanted man on the run. A nomad. He’d just been Steve. Your mate. Your Alpha.

But it was getting hard now. His scent had almost completely faded from his shirt, the one you currently wore. You were desperate to have the vestiges of him on your skin, not only because you missed him, but for safety.

You may wear a mating scar on your neck, but you barely had any Alpha scent lingering on you, meaning that some Alphas, unmated ones, saw you as fair game. An abandoned mated Omega was just a single Omega in their eyes. You’d already suffered some harassment in the last few weeks, cat calls and the such like, but you needed to keep yourself safe.

You pressed on. It was only another couple of blocks until you got back to your shitty apartment. You missed your old one, but after Steve’s last visit, when clarity had hit you a few weeks later, you knew that for his and your safety you couldn’t stay there. You’d packed up only the most precious of your belongings and hit the road. 

Suddenly someone bumped into you with surprising force and you spun, your bags dropping to the ground, before you inelegantly joined them. You breathed a sigh of relief when you realised you’d landed on your backside. 

You were just reorientating yourself, a part of you frustrated by how everyone was just passing you by, when a shadow fell over you.

“Need a hand?”

You looked up, and saw two men standing over you. The one who’d spoken had his hand out.

You accepted, tentatively, and let out a small gasp as he easily hefted you to your feet. He smiled at you, but there was something off about it, the way it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“You ought to be careful, omega. Being out here, in the dark, all on your lonesome.”

His friend thrust your belongings into your arms and you gripped them tightly so as not to spill them again. You were feeling uncomfortable and just wanted to get home.

“I’ll be okay. Thank you for stopping to help.” You made to step around them and carry on your way, but the pair shifted, caging you in against the side of the building behind you.

“Never a problem for a pretty omega.” His smile turned into a predatory grin and you tried to school your features and not let your discomfort show.

“Well, thank you again…” You took another step, but neither of them moved.

“We’re you going in such a hurry? Thought we could get to know each other better. Maybe you thank us properly.”

You steeled yourself for the inevitable confrontation and tried to nonchalantly catch the eye of a passer-by. Any passer-by.

“Look. I’m appreciative. But I’ve got to get home to my Alpha.” You tilted your head to show your mating scar, but the man just dropped his head slightly, and scented you. You couldn’t repress the full body shiver such an invasion of privacy the act elicited.

“The thing is, ‘mega, I see the scar, but you barely have any of your alpha scent on you. Makes me think you’ve been abandoned, sweet thing.”

You glared before trying to push your way between them.

“I don’t want any trouble.”

He grabbed your upper arm, jerking you to a halt.

“Then come with us nicely, and you won’t have any.”

“No. I’m not going with you. I owe you no other thanks than what I’ve given. And even if I didn’t have an alpha, which I do, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere with either of you.”

The grip on your arm tightened and you couldn’t stop the small cry of pain you let out.

“Ungrateful, omega bitch. Let’s see if you change your tune when you’ve got a knot in you.”

His friend took hold of your other arm and between them they started to haul you towards the mouth of an alley. You dropped your bags again so you’d have your hands free and dropped your weight to make it harder for them to move you. Also, it was now time to make a scene.

“Get off of me. Let me go, you creeps!” You shouted at the top of your lungs, squirming and twisting their grasp, but in the time you’d been interacting with them, the massive crowds that had been your bane earlier on had now disappeared. 

You turned your head and latched your teeth onto one of the hands holding you, feeling a burst of pride in your chest when you broke the skin and the man cried out. He dropped you as he let go, and you sank to the floor. Your joy was short-lived though when he back-handed you around the face, and you went dizzy from the force of it. Your vision was cloudy as they pulled you back up.

“Just think, sweetheart. We were willing to be nice. Could have made sure you enjoyed it, but now? Now it’s just for us.” He turned to his buddy. “When did omegas get so uppity? Was a time when as an alpha you just had to say jump and omegas would ask how high.”

Your panic was rising, along with the bile in your throat, but then you smelt it.

Smelt him. 

Your salvation. 

For a moment you thought your brain was playing tricks on you, but then your hindbrain started whining excitedly and you knew it was true.

“Let. Her. Go.”

A deep growl sounded from the street end of the alley, and your would-be assailants dropped you and turned at the sound. You caught yourself on your palms, scrapping them on the hard, filthy ground, but you didn’t care.

“Steve!” His blue eyes flicked over you, no doubt checking to see how much you’d been hurt, as he stalked forward towards the two men. 

“How dare you touch my mate. How dare you touch any omega like that.” His voice was unsettlingly calm and you saw the two men look towards each other, a silent conversation about fight or flight. They didn’t make their decision quickly enough though, because suddenly Steve was in front of them, knocking them out with one punch each, then walking past them, already forgotten, as he focused on you.

“Are you okay, baby?” His voice was full of trepidation as he scooped you up against his chest. You rubbed your face into the crook of his neck, covering your skin with his scent and allowing it to calm you.

“‘M okay, Steve. Just lost my stuff.”

You felt his chuckle rumble through your body.

“I’ll get you some more stuff, Omega. Let’s get you home.”

You allowed him to carry you, your fingers curled into the lapels of his brown suede jacket. You inhaled his scent deeply, and realised after a few minutes that you were purring. Steve pressed a kiss to the top of your head and you were sure you could hear him smile.

“Missed you too, sweetheart. Missed you too.”

You didn’t tell him where your apartment was, but you weren’t surprised that he knew. Of course he’d found out, otherwise he wouldn’t have been in this neighbourhood anyway. He let you back on your feet outside your door, and you were glad that you’d put your keys in your pocket and not your bag. You opened the door and walked through, flicking on the light and illuminating your meagre accommodation.

You could tell Steve wasn’t impressed. If the scent of his dissatisfaction wasn’t obvious enough, the way he went around the whole place, scoping out locks on all the windows would have let you know.

“Baby, why are you living here? Why did you leave your old apartment?”

You pulled your lower lip between your teeth. You couldn’t get away with not telling him, so sooner rather than later was obviously the best strategy. You walked up to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and hugging him. You still had your coat on, and with how much heat Steve pumped out, you were starting to sweat within a few seconds.

“I was scared, Steve. And I felt vulnerable. My mind was telling me that I had to go somewhere safe. Somewhere unknown. What if someone had followed you the last time you had visited. Then we…I wouldn’t be safe.”

“You’ve neer felt like that before, Omega. I’ve visited you for your heat there lots of times.”

Laughter bubbled up your throat, and you shook your head, a wry smile on your face.

“Yeah, but last time was sort of different.”

Steve looked down at you, confusion on his face, as you stepped away from him and unzipped your coat, pulling it off and tossing it aside. 

Your mate looked at you. 

Frozen still. 

Mouth agape. 

Then he dropped to his knees in front of you, wrapped his arm around your thickened waist and pressed his cheek to your swollen belly, which was barely covered by his worn black t-shirt. You let him have a moment, and just ran your fingers through his dirty blonde locks, humming gently and letting out a soothing scent.

When he pulled his face away and sat back on his heels he was looking up at you in awe. His eyes were red rimmed and you could see the tracks of a few silent tears on his pinked cheeks.

“You’re having my pup?”

You smiled at him and put out your hand to pull him up.

“Yes, silly. Although, I have a feeling it might be pups. Two.”

Steve stood, only to stagger a few feet to your worn sofa, before dropping down into it and pulling you with him to sit across his lap. One of his arms was around your back, supporting you, and the other lay across your stomach, long fingers splayed over your bump. He gave you a soft, lingering kiss, before pulling back and shaking his head, still in disbelief.

“You’re having my pups. Pups. You. Me.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at him, how shocked he was by it all.

“Well, that’s generally what happens when an Alpha and an Omega love each other very much and have a special cuddle…oww!”

You let out a cry as Steve playfully nipped at your neck, just above your mating scar, before running his tongue over it.

“Okay, just stop teasing me, baby. It’s a shock, alright? I knew it was a possibility, but I just didn’t think it would happen. Not yet.”

“Steve, it’s not like we were doing anything to prevent it.”

“I know, I know. It’s just…it’s just part of me thought it wouldn’t happen until we were properly together again.”

Your heart sunk in your chest, as he reminded you of the current state of your relationship.

Resting your head on his shoulder, you resumed toying with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“When do you have to go?”

“Well, I was thinking that we’d stay here tonight, then pack you up and move you to the compound tomorrow.”

You sat back up with a start.

“What? Compound? What do you mean?”

“Well, now I’m back, I have a big apartment at the Compound, and if you’re there with me, then we can get you the best medical care and…”

You scrabbled off his lap, chest suddenly tight.

“Back? You’re back? When? How? I’m…oh my god, I can’t breathe.”

You sank to the floor, leaning over and dragging air into your lungs. Steve knelt down beside you rubbing your back, letting his scent flow in an effort to soothe you.

“My turn to shock you, ey, Omega?”

You nodded, still unable to speak and feeling a prickling in your eyes.

“I don’t know how you missed it, but the Accords were rescinded. I mean I still gotta have a long ass meeting with some high up folk, but I’m no longer a wanted man. Tony and I have even made tentative steps to get our friendship back on track. Brought Bucky back with me too.”

You threw your arms around his neck and pressed your lips to his, uncaring at the tears rolling down your face.

“You’re back, you’re back. Oh god. And I’m having your pups and I can move out of this shitty apartment. Pinch me, I’m dreaming.”

Steve chuckled, and then for the second time in as many hours scooped you up into his arms.

“How about you show me where you sleep in this awful place, and I’ll bite your neck instead, Omega…”

His words were almost a growl as he rubbed his face up against yours, and you felt heat suffuse your body.”

“I’d like that very much, Alpha…”

Tag list: @christywantspizza @jobean12-blog @tuiccim @yarnforbrains @sidepartskinnyjeans @flordeamatista @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @ohsymphony @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @seitmai @marvelstarker-mha98 @talia-rumlow

[nishloves]

June 14th • ksy

pairing : kwon soonyoung (hoshi) x f!reader

theme : short oneshot, fluff ☁️, mildly suggestive (nothing over explicit) 🍋, angsty and sad if you squint 🌩️

warnings : suggestive but very mild, implied age gap, overthinker!serious!hoshi

words : 1.8k

synopsis : when everyone asserted that kwon soonyoung was a happy go lucky person with craze and vigour you begged to differ, as much as he was fun and warm, he was serious and devoted, both to his work and his family. so when he forgets his birthday due to hectic schedule, you made your mind to make atleast this birthday memorable which left soonyoung into a deep mess of overthinking.

happy hoshi day!<33

when you had said that you had a surprise for the tiger fanatic, he went out of his way to uncover it from you and then found his birthday gift two hours before his actual birthday (it wasn't intentional); he pretended as if he didn't know about it at all but when you saw that the gift was stored differently than you had, you were fuming, you didn't scold him that day but you did have a sudden realisation.

don't tell him or even hint at any plans.

so now, when your boyfriend was back after a tour, he surely didn't have enough time to manage a party and wasn't able to meet his parents due to full schedule, so what did you do?

go behind his back and plan a party of course.

yet his own birthday was the last thing on his mind, it wouldn't be wrong to say that he had almost forgotten his birthday because of his hectic life and you found that sad, for he went out of his way to keep track of all special events for you both and yet was so ignorant of his own birthday, you wanted to make him feel special, as special as he makes you feel.

but for a specific kwon soonyoung, it was a nightmare, you were on your phone longer than before, excuse yourself to the balcony at odd times, stay on call with people for hours and even though he wasn't the one to snoop he heard you talking to chan on a phone call, and you were definitely enjoying it.

he didn't question you, he believed in chan and more so he believed in you; yet he couldn't help but notice how chan is closer to your age, how you both have such similar personalities, how easy it is for you to just get each other, he wasn't the one to be jealous but he was... he really was.

yet when you jumped on him after your phone call and kissed him so repeatedly and then cuddling you after, he felt great again.

"babe?" he asked, hugging you closer to himself.

"yeah?"

"i— i..." am jealous.

was what he wanted to say but never did, he thought that you might feel offended by it, even though he knew you wouldn't, he just couldn't help overthinking.

"soonyoung?" you asked, ever so innocently.

"i really have to use bathroom."

you giggled, and set him free as he brisk walked towards the bathroom he saw you taking your laptop out and start working.

he sighed, he couldn't blame you... he had to work a lot too.

so when on June 14th he received your texts saying that some friends were over, he thought about how he wished to leave his work soon.

his agency and members had repeatedly reminded him that it was his birthday the next day, but he was so immersed in choreographing for the new song that he forgot it.

others, even dino had left early and he was all alone in the practice room, listening to the song again and again from his phone and when he was disturbed in the middle of his practice, he didn't appreciate it.

his phone rang and instead of the song, the default ringtone rang around the room through speakers, he unpaired his phone, only to see dino's name on the caller id.

"hyung!"

hoshi checked the time, 11:38 p.m.

"yeah? what happened? why are you calling so late? you alright?"

"are you home yet?"

"no? why do you ask?"

"well, y/n has been helping me with somethings these days—"

"yeah, I heard," he almost pouted, remembering all the times she talked with chan rather than him.

"she told you?"

"nah, I just overheard you quite sometimes..." he admitted, fiddling with his ring.

"you were evesedropping you mean?"

"no! I have no idea whatsoever you were talking about— I just heard her saying your name." he remembered his jealousy, he just wanted to cuddle her so bad.

"well whatever, y/n isn't picking up her phone," dino said.

"no shit, you're calling near twelve— wait, she had her friends over right?"

"I don't know."

"then, she must not be sleeping right now," soonyoung said.

"I called her like eight times and she didn't pick up."

"eight times!?" soonyoung was worried, he was already under a lot of stress these days so he became more paranoid about you, not to mention you were a light sleeper (even if you had the ability to fall asleep anywhere).

did you drink a lot? did any of your friends drug you? he didn't know them much because he didn't get the time but some of your friends he had met were really sweet so that was unlikely... were you sick? did the food made you queasy and you had to go to hospital? were you in any kind of accident? did the bottle cap flick your eyes?

he got all so worried, he cut the phone and ran out to his car,

11:46 p.m. it was.

with his speed he will definitely make it by 12.

as he drove he repeatedly called you, yet you weren't picking up, he was going nuts. he sighed and tried to relieve his heart, were you just sleeping? sleeping deeply because you were tired? you had been working hard on your job...it wasn't unlikely either.

he slowed down his car as the parking lot came in the view,

11:58 p.m.

while riding the elevator all he could think about was your well being, not remembering the day he was about to step into.

as soon as he punched the password of the house he was met with darkness, you never slept with all lights off, something about keeping one light always open for emergencies and stuff, but the whole apartment was dark.

soonyoung stumbled on his foot as he held onto the door handle,

and then

"happy birthday kwon soonyoung!" was rung out as the lights blinked open, and confetti shot towards the sky, a doll dangled in the sky with slit eyes doing a weird voodoo dance, a doll? as the candles of the cake lit up with luminescence.

the cake was in your hands, his seventeen members and some of the staff closer to him— they were all there,

he frantically checked the time, 12:02 am, June 15th.

he laughed, he was not mad, he was touched, touched by your efforts. he saw his apartment decorated with numerous tiger print balloons and tiger stuff toys lying here and there.

all his members came forward to hug the shit out of him, after being repeatedly squeezed by twelve monsters and them all together, he finally saw you coming towards him, before anything you put the cake and he wished,

"i wish for the wellness of my friends, family and y/n, please take good care of them, oh and me too!"

"what did you wish for?"

"you aren't supposed to ask that woozi," jeonghan hushed the guy as he put an arm around soonyoung, who looked at you with such love lidden eyes that it was evident, evident to anyone watching him just how much he loved you.

the small party went on, after you created a fuss on soonyoung not having his dinner because he was so immersed in dancing and then, chan flicked his forehead because he reminded him to have food atleast five times before leaving.

you didn't stay mad at soonyoung for long, no one could stay mad at soonyoung.

so when all his friends had left, he turned around to beam at you,

"i was so worried when chan called and said you didn't pick up his phone."

"i thought so... i am sorry for that," you admitted, walking towards him as you gently slid your arms on his waist, he rested his head on yours as he replicated the gesture.

"we will go to your hometown in the afternoon and return tomorrow morning," you said, caressing his back.

"but—"

"shh, I already took the permission, your parents and sister would love seeing you."

"my sister? isn't that too far fetched?"

"hey!" you hit his chest as you both erupted into a fit of giggles, feeling lucky for having each other.

"thankyou so much for that, y/n," he spoke out, as he kissed your forehead, "I really missed them."

"soonie~"

"yeah baby?"

"I love you," you whispered, your hands now buried in his hair as you leaned forward to kiss his cheek.

"I love you too y/n, so much, I love you so much," he was never shy to admit his feeling, yet you were and he felt golden after hearing your words.

you smiled as you pulled him closer for a kiss, a kiss you never imagined to turn wild, but soonyoung really can't keep his hands off you.

"i thought we were going to sleep for the trip," you said breathlessly, your lips now swollen and your buttoned up shirt half undone.

he grinned as he swiped his hand across the shirt and somehow all the buttons were undone? you yelped out of surprise as soonyoung steadied your half naked figure, making you both laugh as he kissed you again, again and again.

"I gotta unwrap my gifts now, shouldn't i? I started with my favourite," soonyoung smirked, taking off his shirt and leaving you oh so ever breathless.

"but we have a trip tomorrow, hoshi~" you reasoned, but your own hands were caressing his torso as you batted your eyes at him, your hand resting on his jaw as you left kisses on his neck.

he groaned, "we were leaving in afternoon right? we still have the morning to ourselves," he spoke out, pushing you on the bed as he pounced on you, trapping you between his arms.

you still chuckled, living with hoshi was nothing short of fun, you had never been happiest with any person before and you were determined for him to like your little gift, which you hid among the bundles of clothes and everything.

[irwinsblender]

pride month

a/n: wrote this short little pride fic as pride month has now started!! i found these two pics of ash with kind of bi lighting which fits with the story!

pairing: ashton x reader

summary: pride month has started and as you feel more comfortable, you decide it’s the perfect time to come out to ashton

warnings: mentions of homophobia

word count: 1.2k

✩ ✩ ✩

since you were a teenager, you always knew you weren’t like your friends. they had boyfriends, and they did only ever date guys.

you knew you were different from most people you’d seen in movies or tv shows. you didn’t want to only date guys. sure, you had a boyfriend as of right now, but wow did you love women.

when you were sixteen, you came out as bisexual to your friends. they accepted you, until word spread and suddenly the hurtful jokes began and you realised your friends weren’t as kind as you originally thought.

you came out to your parents about a year later, telling them you liked girls as well as guys. your parents didn’t have much to say about it. told you that you were being influenced by the media rather than having a mind of your own.

since then, you didn’t come out to anyone else. not your new friends now you’re a little older, not even your boyfriend knew about it.

you’d been dating drummer and singer, ashton irwin, for a couple of years now. things had been going great. he was caring, supported your interests and different things you did. there would be no reason for him not to accept your sexuality. but, you always had doubts in your mind about it.

you’d been trying to figure out the perfect time to bring it up to him in conversation, but nothing ever worked. either you got too nervous, or the timing just wasn’t right.

until now.

a new year, new month. june to be exact. pride month. the month that you felt most comfortable, the most yourself. you always shared support online to anyone out there the same as you, you were surprised ashton hadn’t figured it out by now.

where you lived, every year there was a fun pride festival lots of people attended. you would never go, either because you were both busy, or because you never got around to asking.

this year may be the first time you had enough courage to ask though. deciding you'd bring it up once he was home from the studio one afternoon.

you’d been preparing yourself for this, going over in your head how you’d ask, how you’d tell him that you’re bisexual. it was hard to not worry that he’d react the same way as your old friends and family.

mid afternoon, you heard his keys in the front door, letting himself into the house as you quickly made your way out of the living room to greet him.

“hi, baby!” you smiled cheerfully. “how was your day?”

ashton pulled you in for a hug and a sweet kiss before stepping back to answer.

“it was good,” he slipped his shoes off, following you back to the living room. “got some more lyrics down with a few guitar pieces.”

“that’s great, ash, i can’t wait to hear it.”

you both sat down on the sofa, ashton could almost tell you had something on your mind. especially going by the half nervous, half excited expression on your face.

“how have you been today?” he asked you.

“i’ve been good, but, um, there’s actually something i wanted to talk to you about,” you paused, shuffling to face him slightly. “you know that pride festival that happens every year?”

he nodded.

“how would you feel about going to it this time?” you popped the nerve wracking question.

he didn’t seem to think anything of it at first, the pride events were always great in your area, super fun. everyone loved them.

“sure,” he nodded. “are we going with one of your friends?”

he was referring to a friend who had been out for a while now. most likely asking because he wonders why you’d want to go if neither of you are part of that community.

“um, no, it’s um—“ you cut yourself off, taking a breath. “i want to go, because i’m… bisexual.”

it’s quiet for a few seconds, ashton taking in what you just said. however, he didn’t seem annoyed, mad, or upset with you.

“so.. you like both?” he asked. “is this why you always go crazy every time we watch the winter soldier?”

a smile grew on his face, as it did on yours. he’d noticed before. instead of not accepting you, he’s asking questions, trying to understand.

“yea, it is,” you tucked your hair behind your ears, a few nerves still there.

“now it makes more sense why you wanna go to the pride festival,” he laughed. “how long have you known for?”

“since i was a teenager,” you fiddled with your hands, not knowing how he’d take that. “i wanted to tell you, but i was worried about how you’d react.”

hearing that you’ve known since then, something clicked in his mind, “wait, this is why you don’t speak to your parents, isn’t it?”

you nodded, sighing. you’d never told him that before, but now he knew, there was no reason not to.

“they never accepted me, told me once i was older i’d realise it’s not normal,” you paused, ashton moving closer to place his arm around your shoulders. “once i moved away from home, it was like a breath of fresh air, people we’re friends with being out, you and the guys getting involved in pride events. i felt like i belonged.”

“you like who you like,” ashton sighed. “your parents are just narrow minded, anyone who doesn’t understand are narrow minded.”

you were happy he seemed okay with all of this. although, now you’ve told him you like both men and women, you wondered if it would make things different between you.

“is this gonna make things weird?” you asked, ashton frowned at you.

“weird? why would you being bi make things weird?”

“i don’t know,” you looked down. “just because im dating you, and now you know i like girls too—“

“that doesn’t make things weird, baby,” ashton reassured. “it doesn’t change anything between us.”

“you’re sure?”

“at the end of the day, you’re still you,” he cupped your cheek in his hand, caressing his thumb back and forth. “you’re still the same person i’ve known for these past few years, the only difference is that you’ve told me now.”

you smiled, leaning up for a soft kiss. you didn’t know what you did to deserve someone like ashton, but this whole conversation went way better than any scenarios you’d thought up in your own mind. not only does he accept you as you are, he’s acting like it’s not even surprising to him.

“i love you, you know that?” you wrapped your arms around his torso, hugging yourself closer to him.

“i love you so much more, my love,” ashton kissed your forehead. “now we should definitely talk more about this festival, or we can watch—“

“the winter soldier!” you excitedly finish his sentence.

“and please don’t hesitate on talking about any of the characters, or actors,” ashton says. “now you can talk about this stuff as openly as you’d like.”

“you’re the best,” you happily sighed. “thank you for making me feel so… comfortable.”

ashton hugs you tighter, knowing how much this must mean to you, “you’re with better people now,” he rubs his hands up and down your back. “you don’t need to hide anything anymore.”

with that, you felt yourself become slightly emotional. after the way you were treated from your parents and old friends, this is exactly what you’d hoped for and you couldn’t be happier to have ashton in your life.

✩ ✩ ✩

taglist: @hexsdexs @conspiracy-ash @oliviah-25 @superbloomrry @jake-and-johnnies-slut | if you would like to join my taglist, please comment here or see this post

[ramcharantitties]

Nadi kinaare

Fluff Ram x reader, prompt by @misalpav

It was 5 pm. There was still time for your husband to come home, so you decided to go by the river bank with your girlfriends. Hopping, skipping, laughing, you reached there, bangles jingling and the mogra in your hair swaying. It was nice to have a self care day once in a while. You dipped your feet in the cool water, contrary to the still bright sun making you sweat. It was the middle of June, there was no escape.

You laughed at something your friend said, throwing your head back. It was a picturesque sight. Four girls, gossiping and giggling. Busy in your humour, you were caught off guard when your friend pointed at something far away. "I think there's someone taking a swim" you followed her hand, catching swirling water and a muscular hand. That person was almost 200 meters away from you, swimming in peace. You shrugged and went back to the conversation, when you realized the girls were still talking about him. "He looks so handsome from afar" you looked back at him, when he stalled in the water, his back to you.

That man swiped his hair back from his forehead, and you almost recognised him. "I think that's Ram" you muttered on which all your friends laughed. You looked at them amused, "you've started seeing him everywhere" you shook your head, giggling with them. That could be true. This one time you saw someone in the market, and you called out for him, later realising that Ram was actually out of the city that time.

It wasn't your place to talk about that man, knowing you have a better one for yourself. But you couldn't help sneak glances, because you kept thinking it was your husband. You've known that body, and worshipped it long enough to make yourself familiar with it. The conversation moved on, talking about your life before marriage. You sighed.

You belonged to royalty, but when you met Ram, you left all of it behind to live in government quarters. Life was hard without your parents but Ram never made you feel alone. He took away all the pain that you didn't even know you had. You smiled lowly to yourself, when your friends pulled you out of your trance. You looked where the man was, only to find that the water was stable now. He must have left. The leaves and flowers from the tree above shed some on you, as you caught them in your hands. All the girls talked about anything that came to their mind now, having light hearted moments.

"Y/n" four pairs of eyes moved together at the voice behind them, calling for you. The sunset illuminated his chiseled torso, specks of water remaining around his dark body. His chest hair slicked and flat, his abs partially covered by the wet dhoti loosely wrapped around his shoulders. The dry dhoti wrapped around his waist, exposing his v line. So it was your husband. "Ram" you muttered, pulling your feet from the water and standing up. The girls behind stared with their mouths agape. They were fascinating about your husband after all. You walked towards him, a blush creeping up.

"Were you taking a swim?" He nodded, and you smiled. "When will you be coming home?" He asked and you looked behind at the girls. "I'll leave with you now" you said, picking up your sandals. "Oh, that's fine. You can come when you plan to" the politeness of his statements made you melt. And it wasn't because you were with your friends- Ram was always like this. Many women told you to respect his wishes and "be home before he comes home, tired, to cater to his needs", but Ram always thought the opposite. He didn't need a woman to serve him, he needed a woman to love and cherish him. And that didn't mean at the expense of your quality time. "I've been here for an hour now, I'll come with you" you said, hoping your friends won't mind. "We're leaving in a while too anyways" the girls said, catching your attention. Ram nodded, and you hugged your friends goodbye.

The grass felt soothing under your feet. You glanced at him again, the dhoti secured around his waist and the wet cloth draped on his shoulders, even highlighting his muscles. "I knew it was you" you said, and Ram looked at you. "They said it wasn't" he smiled and you both looked down, blushing. "I didn't notice until I was drying off and heard you laugh" he said and you gave each other a side glance, still smiling.

You reached where his clothes were and he pulled the drape off him, wearing a kurta. You stared at his perfect body, the tanned shine and shadow of his pecs. Your eyes moved down to his naval, the hard abs and v line disappearing in the tied dhoti. That white dhoti made his waist look thin, his triangle shaped body finding a base. You knew where the v line led to, your face becoming hot. The chain dangled off his neck, moving as he moved. He finally wore the kurta, covering the blessed sight. He adjusted his sleeves, his toned fingers adjusting the cuffs, as his veins spread, like roots disappearing in the ground. His biceps flexing against the kurta sleeves.

You were still gazing, when Ram snapped his fingers in front of your eyes. You shook out the trance, looking at his face. You were caught red handed, but it's not your fault your husband was an eye candy. "Let's go" he said, sliding his arm around your waist.

________________

Tagging: @vijayasena @yehsahihai @dumdaradumdaradum @chaanv @nerdreader @ramayantika @phoenix666stuff

[tryingtodotheright-thing]

Hello, Sunset - 10

AN: None of this is proofread, all mistakes are mine. I'm so excited to see what you all think about this chapter! It's the first full chapter in Cheol's POV. PAIRING: Seungcheol x fem!reader GENRE: exes to lovers, idol verse, angst WORD COUNT: 4,289 WARNINGS: reader has anxiety and depression, swearing, mentions of alcohol Text in blue is spoken/written in Korean. PREVIOUS / NEXT

It didn’t feel like home. It’s something he struggled with even though it had been a few years since his parents had moved houses. He supposed if the place you went to reminisce wasn’t your childhood home, where your dreams and youth still lingered in the air, it didn’t have the same effect of homecoming. Seungcheol was resting in the guest room he would stay in whenever he visited. The room was dark, cold and bare, just like the feeling in his gut. He hadn’t been back, back in this room since he’d visited his parents during his break last year in June. It was too soon and too raw to come back on his next break and so he had instead had shut himself up in the flat he shared with his brother. Well, that was after he had first turned up in Hannam-dong out of habit, before realising that she wasn’t there anymore. The code still worked since there was still time left on the lease but when he’d walked in, it was as if she’d never existed. All traces of her, from her belongings to the scent of her perfume that had been seeped into the flat, were all gone.

She’d taken his home with her, when she took all her belongings. It was cheesy to say but she had become his home. What do you do when your home is a person, not a place? What do you do when you can’t seek peace and comfort in a person who has become the axis of your world? What do you do when a moment of insecurity, a moment of fear, a moment of thoughtlessness ruined it all? What do you do when you become homeless? Because now they didn’t belong to each other anymore, as much as a person could belong to another, and he didn’t have a home. 

Laying in the darkness, with only the moon and the stars for company, Seungcheol yearned to turn back time. He wiped away the stray tear that dripped from the corner of his eyes and down the side of his face. She looked happier without him. It was the first thing he had noticed as soon as he saw the fancams. His habit of searching up on Naver was one enlistment hadn’t broken. In fact, he had gotten better with it, especially over the past few months when his only source of news of her was from the internet. His soul was aching to be with her. The dates had been ingrained in his mind from the moment her tour dates had been announced. It was almost poetic when his discharge date was confirmed, he’d be free to see her but he no longer had the privilege. His tongue had been burning to ask questions when he’d met his bandmates, the ones who were not currently under the care of the Republic of Korea. He wanted to quiz them on everything. Was she eating well? Did she sleep fine? Does someone remind her to take a break? He wanted to know the answers and to know everything he’d missed as if they hadn’t parted ways, as if he hadn’t been so brutal. Seungcheol knew he could be selfish, but he didn’t realise how easily it came to him till he sent that text. The nightmares and the sleepless nights that followed wouldn’t be enough penance for the pain he caused, he knew that. Yet, he still yearned. 

So, Seuncheol had looked her up on Naver hoping to see videos of her performing and love her through the screen, because he never did stop loving her. His eyes feasted on her, adoring every strand of hair, memorising each smile and soaking in her voice. That’s how he brought himself a semblance of feeling at home. As he admired yet another beautiful shot of her on the stage, and they were all beautiful because they were of her, he wondered if things were different, could he have been in the same vast arena, watching her proudly and feel full at heart. He’d never been fortunate enough to watch her shine in person - the others had at least had the opportunity during MAMA Awards but he’d arrived late and missed that. He’d promised that he would come and watch her when she performed in Seoul and she’d promised to sing a love song just for him. He wondered if he would ever get the chance to do that. 

He’d grilled Shua on whether he would be seeing her. He knew they were going to the concert, Seungkwan had already blabbed. He wanted to know if they would meet privately. Even if the door was closed in his face, Seunghceol would have gone with them. Shua had been reluctant to answer and had said nothing had been confirmed as of yet. Seeing the videos of her acknowledging Shua and the others, it had made him green with envy. He’d wanted that for them, to be able to openly acknowledge their love and had hoped that freedom would come one day. To see that it could come so easily now, but there was nothing to acknowledge between them anymore. He was nothing more than a stranger. She’d always said that she’d rather forgive and forget when it came to relationships because she didn’t want to hold on to the anger. He was sure he was now a memory she wished to forget. Maybe she had already erased the moments he’d hoped to look back at together for a lifetime. Would he be lost without a home forever?

Seungcheol had lost the last of his control and had sent a pleading message to his friend. He’d begged him to pass his message on to her. He needed to see her with his own eyes, even if he had no right to ask for this anymore. If they couldn’t fix things, and rightly so because he’d been the one to destroy their haven, he needed to at least ease some of his guilt by apologising. She was too kind, too caring to say no to that. He knew she’d allow him to do that at least, even if it wasn’t the best thing. He shouldn’t have taken advantage like that but Seungcheol had already come to accept that he was selfish, remember. This was his purgatory; waiting for a response from Shua felt like walking towards a mirage of water in the desert. He knew it was pointless, but he still remained hopeful. Seungcheol still yearned. Even as the minutes passed by and he still hadn’t had a response, he held his breath in his hands and waited. 

Short breaths, loud gasps and sweaty palms, they were all back. His hand reached for his phone again. He stared at his phone lockscreen, the digital clock ticking past midnight whilst the brown innocent eyes of her looked back at him in affection. He’d taken it during a Sunday morning, their morning routine that had become second nature to them had been in motion. She was wearing his shirt, hair in a messy bun, and lounging on the bed and looking into his heart. He wished he could travel back to that morning. She would have been shy right after the picture was taken, pushing his shoulder in protest before allowing him to pull her into his chest. They would have stayed cuddled, cocooned in their little world as she read her book and he played a game on his phone. Seungcheol traced her eyes on the screen as he tried to return his breathing to normal. He swallowed his sobs and closed his eyes when the image of her became too  blurry because of his tears. He wished she could hold him right now. That she could say that it’s okay, that he’s still her love, her honey and that she’ll hold him and breathe for him till he feels better. He yearned for her.  

The vibration of his phone startled Seungcheol. 

She said yes. Meet us at the dorms and we’ll go together. 

Seungcheol’s breaths came in a stutter, the choking slowly easing as if the imaginary hands that so tightly squeezed his windpipe decided to show him mercy. Just like she had.  Convincing himself that if he slept now he would be closer to meeting her, Seungcheol went to bed listening to her sing. The last words he heard her singing were ‘I love you’ as he fell into . Seungcheol yearned for tomorrow.

The dawn brought hope to Seugcheol. He had found himself in a car back to Seoul not long after a quick breakfast with his parents. The anticipation was almost too much during that journey and he was sure that if anyone else had been with him, they would have lost their patience at his endless shaking of his legs, the rustling noise of his jeans were sure to grate on anyone’s nerves. His thoughts had been racing, running through different scenarios of how the conversation could go. His mind was a stage and the same scene was being performed again and again. The Seungcheol in his mind would say a soft ‘hi’ and then the fictional her would nod. Whenever she was overwhelmed, she tended to go quiet. It was one of the first things he’d noticed about her. He’d say the words he had owed her, things that had been left unspoken for too long till they grew tenfold and ugly, creating the demons in his head. The Seungcheol in his head would beg for another chance, that their story isn’t quite over and could she give him just one more chance. The scene would always end here. He didn’t have the confidence to predict any answers. If he had no expectations, then there won’t be any disappointments, he told himself foolishly.

Seungcheol felt lighter as soon as he’d arrived at Shua’s place; he was one step closer to seeing her again. It was as if the promise of this meeting had relieved the load that he had been shouldering for the past nine months. Whatever happened - and he knew what he wanted the outcome to be but whatever happened, at least, he could say that he had tried to fight for their love. The biggest regret in all of this was that he hadn’t truly tried. He’d let her take more than the fair share in keeping their relationship together. It wasn’t to say that he didn’t care but she was too understanding. She took joy in his smallest efforts that he began to think the minimal effort was enough. When it became too much, when she asked him to put the same work into their relationship as she did, it wasn’t convenient anymore. Seungcheol didn’t know how to balance all of it and he gave up at the hurdles instead of even trying to jump and pass. He’d taught himself to believe in ultimatums, in all or nothing. He knew better now. He hoped he could at least try to show that he was ready, that he was better prepared to juggle whatever challenges that came their way and that it was his turn to take the load in balancing things. He still wanted to live out the daydreams and promises of the future they’d spoken about. If he could wish them into existence, he would. He could only wish that she’d listen and believe him. 

Seungcheol made a pit stop at his apartment before heading to the dorms. He’d collected the jewellery box that had been collecting dust since it had been put away one distressing night. It wasn’t till he’d received the package from his manager that he’d realised what he had done, that it was truly finished. The sight had been harrowing. A piece of metal had gotten his 31-year old self sobbing inconsolably. The ring that had been missing from his hand, now glowed next to the one that represented his bond with his members. The box burned a hole in his pocket as he ached to return the ring to its owner. It belonged with her, and he longed to put it back on as he had the first time when they’d reached their first 100 day anniversary. He longed to give her another ring, one with a round cut diamond that sparkled like his eyes did when they looked at her. One he’d already bought and rested in the same jewellery box in his pocket.

With renewed determination, Seungcheol arrived at the apartment he’d previously shared with Shua and Myeong Ho. Though he’d stayed the night in his room during busy schedules even after he’d moved in with his brother, it felt strange to be here. Once he’d started dating her, he returned less frequently, willing to travel the extra distance to stay at her place so they’d at least have some time together, even if that meant an earlier wake up call. The apartment didn’t look much different from his last visit though he noticed some new additions like the trinkets the two residents had picked up from their recent travels. 

“Coups, is that you?” Shua’s called out from his room. 

“Yes, it’s me.”

“I’m just getting ready. I’ll be out soon. Seungkwan and Vernon should be arriving soon.”

Acknowledging his friend’s update, Seungcheol walked over to the sofas to take a seat and wait comfortably. He spent the time scrolling through his phone, watching more videos of last night’s concert. In about 3 hours, they’d be in the same building. He could drink her in with his own two eyes soon, finally feeding his craving for her.

“Have you eaten yet?” His friend asked as he walked into the room. 

“No, I left just after breakfast and just got here.”

“The kids said they’re hungry so let’s grab some food before we go, okay? We still have lots of time.”

“Mmmh,” Seungcheol agreed, “let’s do that.”

Joshua puttered around the kitchen, making himself and Seungcheol some coffee. 

“Shua, what did… What did you tell Y/N? And, how, I mean, what did she say?”

His friend didn’t respond immediately. He finished making the hot beverages and brought it to where he was sitting. He put one mug on top of the coaster in front of him and took a sip from the one he still held, as he sat down in the armchair to Seungcheol’s right. 

“I told her that you wanted to talk, that you wanted a chance. I didn’t ask her about the concert, I showed her your messages and she said yes to you coming tonight.”

Shua took another sip of his coffee.

“She didn’t say anything else and I didn’t push her.”

Seungcheol exhaled loudly, not realising he’d held his breath as he waited to hear from his friend on how you’d reacted. He picked up the mug in front of him, the warmth grounding him as he warmed his clammy hands against them as he cupped the sides instead of the handle. He blew at the liquid to cool it down before he took a big gulp. It still scolded his tongue and Seungcheol put the mug back down.

“Do you think she’ll take me back?”

It was as if they were taking turns and pretending to drink the coffee that was too hot for a normal person, just so they could take a pause and consider the words they’ll say to each other. It was almost comical and Seungcheol would have laughed if this wasn't his own reality. Why were they acting like strangers and being so polite instead of friends who’d known each other for more than ten years? 

Joshua put down his mug, and nudged forward in his seat to look at Seungcheol.

“Why should she?”

“What? I can’t -”

“You need to convince her, not me. Yes, there were outside factors but you can’t put the blame on PLEDIS and HYBE.”

Seungcheol fell silent at this. He knew that, he knew he couldn’t hide behind the excuses. 

“Do you know what she did say? She said she didn’t really know you. She doubted if she’d read into the relationship being more than what it was.”

He was heartbroken. How could she think that? No one knew him as best as she did.

Seeing his friend upset thawed his anger, Shua quickly added that she’d said this six months ago when he’d finally gotten to speak to her after she’d avoided him for months. He told Seungcheol all about the meeting you’d had with HYBE and PLEDIS representatives, everything that had come to light in that meeting. Seungcheol felt worse and worse. He couldn’t even feel angry at others when the blame lay with him. How had he not noticed any of this? 

“Look. You’re both my friends. I love you both and no one would be happier than me if you get back together. Just make sure you both communicate better. Y/N’s a people pleaser. She won’t say when she’s struggling. She should have told you about these things when they happened. And you, you don’t have to worry about things on your own. I won’t say more on this than that you both have me if you need anything, okay?”

As if they’d been hovering till this conversation had ended, the doorbell rang when Shua finished speaking. 

“Go and freshen up and then we’ll head out,” Shua said as he walked towards the door to open it for his friends. Seungcheol gathered the mugs and placed them in the sink before obeying his friend’s instruction to clean up. 

Vernon and Seungkwan knew better than to speak the obvious. Joshua hadn’t said more than that their oldest member would be joining them for the day two concert and there clearly had been more things happening in the background for this to happen. Seungkwan had been warned to read the room and not run away with his mouth like he had done two days ago. He’d learnt his lesson after experiencing the stifling awkwardness that had followed his slip up. The younger same-age friends had agreed they would just pretend all was normal. So, they spoke about the latest news from Dino, who was currently recovering from a cold. They spoke about the clips they had seen from yesterday’s concerts and the 98 line friends who had messaged them in envy. They spoke about the fellow Korean musicians Y/N had informed them would be attending the concert tonight.

In between swallowing the soup and rice combo, Seungkwan commented, “Y/N noona got Baek Yerin-nim to perform with her today. Apparently, she wasn’t going to have anyone today because Taeyang subaenim said he was busy but since they were close, Baek Yerin-nim offered.”

“Hmm. Didn’t they do a song together?”

“No, Y/N noona wrote some songs for Baek Yerin’s last album and they become friends then.”

“How is it that you know everyone and everything?” 

It wasn’t even a question at this point from Vernon. It was more like an observation. Seungkwan gave a proud smile in response to Vernon as Joshua chuckled at the duo. Seungcheol was too lost in his thoughts to join in, stirring his spoon in the half empty bowl instead of finishing his meal. He wasn’t paying attention to the scraping noise his spoon would make once in a while, a sound that would make those who shared his table wince each time. He probably couldn’t have answered correctly if someone had asked what soup he ate or what banchan had been served alongside. Only his body was in the restaurant, his mind and soul was already at the venue.

Once everyone else had finished their meal and the bill had been paid, they were on their way to the KSPO Dome. They’d arrived earlier than the previous today and so ran into fellow concert-goers as they found their seats. Whilst some fans had recognised Joshua, Vernon and Seungkwan, no one had expected Seungcheol would be there and so hadn’t immediately caught on to who the fourth person was. While they had claimed their seats and gotten comfortable, the mobile phones and cameras had been capturing every moment and the pictures were circulating in real time. Soon, some dedicated fans had identified the mysterious addition as SEVENTEEN’s S.Coups and the internet was losing its mind. What was S.Coups doing here? Didn’t he use to date Y/N? Does this mean they’re back together? Before the first song of the night could be performed, the pair were trending on the hot searches. 

As soon as Y/N appeared on stage, Seungcheol’s nerves disappeared. His heart settled, finally finding its rhythm after so long, restored to its full self now that its missing piece was so close. He couldn’t hold back the emotions or watch his reaction conscious of the videos that would be taken by the spectators. Even as Joshua nudged him with his pointy elbow into his side, Seungcheol couldn’t, wouldn’t take his eyes off Y/N. His hunger had been ignited and he was greedy for more. Even as his eyes grew moist and his vision blurred, he continued to watch and admire the woman he loved. He’d forgotten how much he loved her. He’d forgotten how much she set him ablaze with her presence. He’d forgotten how amazing and awe-inspiring she was. As he watched and watched, she reminded him. Look at me. Look at me bewitching an arena of people with my voice. Look at me so tall, proud and confident in my own skin. Look at the me you forgot about. 

She was talking to him. He heard her loud and clear in the songs she sang to thousands. The personal message hidden in the lyrics, telling him he was late. The extra spring in her step as she moved through the dance steps. When she sang her duet with Baek Yerin, they sang an English song. One he didn’t recognise but Joshua whispered in his ears that it was Amy Winehouse. He’d worked on his English language skills over the years but especially the past few, working particularly on his comprehension. It was as if it was for this moment as she sang about how her tears dry on their own. The irony didn’t escape him as it was his tears that were rolling as her blinding smile glowed on the LED screens. The message was clear. He walked away and she’d grown from it. 

Seungcheol felt as if he was walking to his execution. He’d been yearning, longing and waiting for this very moment, yet now, he didn’t want to go ahead. The corridor seemed uninviting and scary. Recognising his friend’s hesitation, Joshua had suggested that they meet with Y/N first so they would have privacy for their conversation. They’d said goodbyes quickly, mindful that she had a morning flight that would take her far away from them again. Suddenly, it was now his turn. She was behind the door he stood outside of, one he wished he could see through. Was she as nervous, as terrified as he was? Whatever will be spoken, whatever they do will be final. He couldn’t rewrite the scene in his head anymore. It was time for him to pull his courage and put himself up for judgement. 

Of course, the door would creak when he pushed it open. He didn’t see her instantly when he opened the door. It was only after taking a step into the dressing room that he saw her. In the corner behind the door, she sat in a chair, her hands clasped and twisting nervously, eyes looking down at the floor. She didn’t look up when the door closed loudly though she couldn’t stop herself jumping at the noise. This woman wasn’t the one on stage ten minutes ago. She wasn’t tall, proud and confident in her own skin. She looked so small and fragile. Seungcheol felt disgusted. What had he done? Seungcheol was devastated. Why was she so scared of him? Seungcheol had lost. How could he ask for a second chance after this?

“I, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for,” he swallowed his sobs because he didn’t deserve to cry, didn’t deserve her sympathy, “I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. I won’t, I won’t ask to meet you again.”

He nearly ran out of the room before remembering the jewellery box that weighed his heart down.

“This is yours. It was always yours. If you don’t want it, you can get rid of it. It belongs to you, not me.”

He placed the box roughly in her line of sight before leaving. He walked briskly to the end of the corridor before stopping when the pain overtook. The pain that ran down his leg, that throbbed around his knee was nothing. It was nothing to the pain his heart cried out to. As he staggered and as his leg gave up, Seungcheol allowed himself to cry. The tears streamed till he couldn’t see or hear his wailing. As he cried for the lost future, a door opened abruptly and someone began running. Seungcheol should go. He knew he shouldn’t be crying here. But he couldn’t stop. The footsteps got closer and closer and then, he was home. He was home. He was home in her arms. She held him tightly and he felt alive, so warm and full. She brushed his tears away even as new ones rolled down his cheeks. She caressed his puffy cheeks and gazed at him with love.

“You idiot! You are a fool, Choi Seungcheol.” Then, she kissed him. 

“I love you too.” He was finally home.

[alder-saan]

I'll keep you safe (part 3)

Brienne & reader

This is the third part (here a link for the first part, and here for the second part)

Warnings : loss, death.

Full angst

Word count : ~2200

Don't kill me plz...

The man fell. Dead. You had gutted him. You cleaned your sword, catching your breath. Travelling with Brienne, you had learnt what it felt like to kill a human being. That wasn’t the best feeling in the world. But sometimes, it was necessary. When four men attacked you in the middle of the night, it was necessary. You sat on a tree stump. You had no armour, and he almost killed you many times. But you only had small wounds on your legs and arms. You would need some bandages, but that was okay, you loved thinking about the scars you would have, and the stories you could tell... But you also would need training lessons…  And before, you had to find Brienne.

Where was she? The darkness of the woods at night made it difficult to see properly. While you were fighting, you strayed a bit from the camp. You whistled, calling your owl. Banshee emerged from the night, as silent as Death. She landed on your arm. You caressed her white belly, and she made this sort of purring sound she always made when you pet her.

“Help me find Brienne, will you?”

She opened her big black eyes and flew away, disappearing again between the shadows. You double checked that the man was dead and walked towards what you thought was the way to the camp. You couldn't have gone far anyway.

The night was quiet. It was almost strange. Usually it was full of noises, from animals, from the wind in the leaves. Tonight there was no sound at all. No night-time crickets, no nightjar, no woodlark. It was as if everyone had fallen silent. The wind was soft, but still cold. You shivered. A wolf lamented in the distance. 

It was the heavy sound of mourning.

Was it because you had killed some men? 

A long screech tore through the silence. You recognized the barn owl screech. Banshee had found Brienne. You walked towards the cry. You imagined her, being worried because the man was tall and strong, and you had no armour. You were so proud because you had managed not to get killed. You almost ran through some bushes. She was there, lying on the floor, Banshee on her shoulder. Near her, three men were dead, bathing in their own blood. Banshee rubbed her head against her cheek. On a branch, a raven was looking at her. You smiled and approached. She was there, alright, you had found her.

You froze.

Was it… blood? Was it blood, dripping from her neck? You immediately sat next to her.

“Brienne! Are you okay?”

She turned her head to you.

“Y/N, is that you?”

“Yes, yes, that’s me, I… I’m gonna help you stand up, okay? Just gimme your hand.”

“Help me lift my sword…”

You helped her lift her sword, following the movement of her arm. You didn't quite understand what she was getting at, but you had learnt not to argue with her orders. Carefully, she moved her swords towards you. You didn’t realise what was happening until the blade was on your shoulder. Was she knighting you? But you weren’t ready! Why would she do that now? That was so strange, all the atmosphere, the lack of sounds, Brienne lying on the floor, wounded, and now she wanted to knight you? That seemed unreal. You suddenly couldn’t move, couldn’t ask her what was going on. Fear had paralysed you.

“Y/N June, do you promise to fight against wrong-doers and to protect widows, orphans and the poor”

You tried to tell something, but no sound came out your throat.

“Y/N?”

“I-I promise.”

“I, Ser Brienne of Tarth, do hereby dub thee Ser Y/N June, may your courage and devotion become a shining example to the people of the Seven Kingdoms.”

That was it. You were a knight. She just knighted you. But you couldn’t be happy. Brienne was dying, she was getting weaker and weaker. You ripped a piece of cloth from your cape  and applied it to the wound. It wasn't that deep, you were hopeful she would pull through. That wasn’t the first time you would heal injuries. But the haemorrhage was too severe and the piece of fabric soon went blood red. Now the thick liquid was flowing through your fingers, which you held against her skin in a desperate attempt to block it.

“I’m so proud of you, Y/N…”

“Shhh, don’t talk. You’ll be alright, I prom-.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, now you’re a knight.”

“I will keep it!”

“Y/N.”

You shook your head fiercely. You didn't want to hear her say that.

“I WILL KEEP IT!”

She simply couldn’t die. She was your hero. She saved your life. She was the strongest knight you ever knew. She was like your mother. You always saw her as an immortal goddess. She couldn’t die now, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the woods. You tried to take off her armour, without moving her body so that she wouldn’t lose any more blood. She had to live. You would do anything.

“Y/N, please. Listen to me.”

You looked at her face. Her cheeks were drenched in tears. And so were yours.

“I love you so much. I’m so sorry for leaving you now…”

“You won’t, you will live. You can’t die!”

“Oathkee-” she coughed, blood trickled down her chin “Oathpeeper’s yours now. Make good use of it.”

“No, no, no, shut up, don’t talk like you are about to die.”

“I am, Y/N. I’m sorry.” She gave you a bittersweet smile “I want to live… That’s so stupid how a single mistake can lead me to that.” She chuckled but a new cough stopped her. “I just took one step too close to him, he was able to throw me out of balance. Can you believe it? One fucking step. I’m dying because of one fucking step…”

You took her hand, she squeezed yours.

“I’m pathetic, Y/N… A proper knight doesn't die in front of their squire.”

“You’re not, you’re-” A sob covered the end of your sentence.

“Please, I want to be buried on the Island of Tarth…”

You nodded. You took Oathkeeper, her sword, your sword now. You didn’t know why, it comforted you. It was… a part of her. She had never separated from it. 

“I don’t know where I’m going to, but remember, I’ll always be proud of you..”

“Please don’t leave me… Please. I beg you. I need you. You can’t abandon me like that. I can’t live without you by my side. I can’t…”

She gasped, you looked at her again. Her eyes were wide open, as if she just understood everything in the world. But she couldn’t see anything.

“Please, Brienne. Please, wake up.”

She didn’t.

“Please…”

She was dead. You were alone, in the middle of the woods, in the middle of the night. You shouted, screamed her name. You cried, snuggled up to her still warm body. You knew, even if she had had no armour, you couldn’t have heard her heartbeat anymore. She was dead. She was… 

That couldn’t be true. She couldn’t be gone, just like that. She couldn’t. That was not possible. That was a nightmare. Just a damn nightmare. Maybe if you tried to sleep, she would be here again… You laid down against her and closed your eyes. You just had to sleep…

 

But when you woke up, she was still dead, next to you. After crying all morning long, you knew it was time to bring her back to her home. She had asked you one last thing. You had to do it. You slowly removed his armour, trying not to cry too much. You wanted to be strong. You wanted to show her, wherever she was, that you could handle it. You were a knight, now. Her body was heavy, she was so tall, and the more you failed to mount her dead body on her horse, the harder it became mentally. But you managed to do it. You put a blanket over her, to protect her a little from the eyes and the animals.

Gladly, you were not far from the Sapphire Isle. You made your way to Storm’s End, and found a boat going to her home. The captain of the ship was not very happy about carrying a corpse on board, but when he learnt that it was the heiress of Tarth, he asked no more questions and let you pass. While the boat crossed the sea, you stayed locked up with her. You didn't want to leave her. It was stupid, but you hoped she would wake up. You couldn't look at her, it was too difficult, but you stayed next to her, letting the cloth cover her completely, and clutching the handle of Oathkeeper.

When you entered Evenfall Hall, Lord Selwyn of Tarth was confused. He never saw you. He didn’t know who you were. All he knew was that you arrived with two horses and one of them looked like Brienne’s. You simply couldn’t look at him, you couldn’t face him. You bowed down, eyes fixed on the paving stones.

“Who are you, traveller?”

“I am Ser Y/N June, my Lord.”

He seemed surprised. Brienne already told him about you. But why wasn’t she there? Were you THE Y/N June?

“What brought you to the Sapphire Isle?”

“Brienne of Tarth.”

So you really did know her… You were THE Y/N June.

“How is she? I haven't seen her for a while.”

“She’s… she’s gone, my Lord.” You had been preparing these words the whole way. And you managed to say them. 

He took a few seconds. His grey brows furrowed.

“What do you mean by “she’s gone”?”

“I mean she’s… She’s…” You couldn’t say this word. You didn’t want to. Lord Selwyn saw the tears on your cheeks. His eyes turned sad.

“How?”

“Four men attacked us.”

“Where is she? Where did you bury her?”

“She wanted to be buried here. I brought her.”

“Thank you. You can stay here as long as you want to. We’ll have to talk about something. But later. I need to… go somewhere. I'll have a funeral prepared for her. You will be invited, of course.”

And he left the room.

On the following days, it was her funeral. It was the end. She would never wake up. She was in her coffin, with her armour. With some of her belongings. With a bolt of your shackles you always kept. She looked so peaceful, she had a kind of smile. You wondered if she was happy, wherever she was now. You wondered if she could look at you right now, putting flowers in her coffin. You wanted to jump in it, to shake her until she would open her eyes. Or just to lay there with her, and to die in her arms. Without her, all was so cold even the sunshines couldn’t warm you. She had saved you. She had given her life for you. If you had been stronger, she wouldn’t have to fight these three men. This was all your fault. It should have been you, the person lying at the bottom of the grave. This was unfair… 

Lord Selwyn put his hand on your shoulder, this made you come back to reality.

“We need to talk about something, Ser June.”

You nodded and followed him to a big room with a desk, some books that looked like records and writing material.

“Ser June, Brienne told me about you. She said when she died she wanted you to have all she had. Including the land she would have inherited from me.”

“Is… Is that even possible?”

“Yes. She officially adopted you two months ago.I couldn’t send her a letter to let her know all was done. She didn’t tell you she wanted to do that?”

“Y/N?”

“Yes?” You turned your head towards her.

She had this look in her eyes, the one when she wanted to ask something but was unsure of the answer.

“If it was possible, would you want me to adopt you?”

“Of course! What made you think I could possibly say no?”

“I don’t know…”

“I… She didn’t.” 

How did she manage to do that?

“I’m really happy she finally had a family. And now you're also my family. You can take our name and become Y/N of Tarth, if you want to.”

“Yes, yes, I want to be Y/N of Tarth.” Like that, she was kind of living in your name, wasn’t she?

You put a white rose on her grave, on which was written “Here lies Brienne of Tarth, fearless knight of the Seven Kingdom, beloved daughter and friend.”

“Thank you… Mom. Thank you. I love you.”

The wind blew.

_____________________________________________

A/N : The way I cried writing it...

You can continue to ask me some more chapter, they will be before this one, that's all. (unless you want the next part of the story)

[simp999]

Skull x Pygmy! Reader who is playing the "bully the charger" game against him in turf and is frustratingly good at it and he ends up falling for them despite his frustration

"Bully the Charger"

Coroika Skull x Reader Oneshot

Wc: 0.7k

A/N: Hello!! I like to keep my reader more open and less specified, so I just went without any specifications! I hope that's okay!

Masterlist

Another day, another match against the purple team.

You became Skull's main rival ever since the battle where he couldn't hit you. You irritated him with a passion- you and your (main weapon). You were even more annoying than Aloha when it came to dodging, purposefully irking him during your battles to attempt to get him off his game. You once danced right out of his range to piss him off. That became a regular thing- standing just barely out of his range, playfully squidbagging, smiling at him through the scope. He knew you meant no malice- well, maybe a little- but all in good fun.

Eventually, you began attempting to paint things like hearts just out of his range, sometimes even on the walls- with a varying level of outcomes, depending on your weapon.

You ran past his lazer, using a paintbrush this time. You drew a heart as you dodged, winking at him through his scope before stopping mid-step, only to turn around unpredictably. You squeaked as a shot rang out just behind you. These were your regular antics that he'd gotten used to, he paid it no mind.

He'd won the battle, but 'lost the war' as they say. He had yet to snipe you. Aviator pulled him aside as he waved you goodbye;

"Y'know, if you don't say something soon, I will."

Skull tilted his head in confusion, but Avi simply walked away.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The same scene played out the following day- you dodging all his attacks with dualies this time.

He admired how agile you were, more now than ever. The way you turn and flip in ways he didn't think was possible for a squid. He didn't realise how long he stood dazed until Aviator snapped his fingers in front of Skull's face, shaking his head and tsk-ing, reminding him of his words from yesterday.

Skull still had no idea what he meant.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The following day, you claimed your legs were sore, so he offered just hanging out for the day. The two of you went to an ice cream shop.

The shop was empty besides the workers, so you got to enjoy seeing him bandanna-less. You sat smiling warmly into to palm of your hand.

You offered him a spoonful of your favorite flavor of ice cream just as the bell for the entrance rang. Who was he to object. He had a small smile written across his face as he ate the ice cream, closing his eyes while savoring the taste.

Before long, the two of you were interrupted by Avi who promptly tugged Skull outside. It was almost comical- the gentle slap across the back of Skull's head that was administered by Aviator. Skull's shoulders dropped. You tried to be subtle about watching them, going back to eating your ice cream when Skull came back in- it seems Avi had left after the commotion that you couldn't quite make out.

Skull apologized to you.

"Oh, no worries! You've done nothing wrong,"

You were slightly confused, but you assumed his apology was for having to leave so suddenly.

"No- I, uh, didn't realize that this..." he mumbled the following words into his bandanna.

You hummed at him in a questioning tone, indicating you hadn't heard him. His ears turned warm out of embarrassment, sitting down across from you. He took breath in, and restated his sentence;

"I...Didn't realize that this was a date... or that you liked me,"

Your mouth formed an 'o' shape, then you began to chuckle. You reached your hand out to his and held it gently.

"Let's start over, and make this more clear,"

He tilted his head.

"I love you,"

He sat for a moment before remembering how he was meant to reply, and deciding if it was true.

"I love you too,"

He decided it was.

.

.

.

June.9.24

[jj-nhlgirly]

Summer of Love:- Arriving in Michigan

Jack Hughes X F!reader

This is my first ever fanfic so please be kind. If anyone has any requests please do ask.I’m also thinking of making a part two to this. My other fics will be Y/N but for this one I felt she needed a name TW:- Mentions of divorce?

(Not my gif, credits to whoever made this)

To say Mackenzie was nervous would be the biggest understatement, she was shaking with anticipation on her drive to Canton with her sister. Jack and Mackenzie had been dating for 2 years now and even though Mackenzie had met the Hughes family on multiple occasions throughout those 2 years this would be the first time Mackenzie’s sister Skylar would be meeting them.

Mackenzie and Skylar were extremely close having gone through their parents divorce together at a young age, and their dad not really in the picture. Mackenzie and Skylar were really all they had, if the Hughes didn’t like Skylar it was a massive deal breaker for Mackenzie and yet here she was driving to Canton to spend an entire summer with her sister and her boyfriends family. Mackenzie was so caught up in her head that she didn’t realise Skylar was talking to her until she felt a poke to her shoulder.

“What’s the matter with you Kenz?” Skylar asked worriedly, her sister was never this quiet usually you’d have to tell her to be quiet. “Nothing Sky Im just a little nervous for you to meet everyone that’s all .” Kenzie replied. “I’ll be fine Kenzie, if they’re as amazing as you say they are we’ll get on great.” Skylar could visibly see Kenzie relax at that.

“We’re almost there now could you text Jack and let him know we’re about 15 minutes away?” Kenzie asked Skylar. “Yeah of course, what’s your passcode?” Skylar asked. “My birthday” Kenzie replied immediately. After Skylar had typed in the code and messaged Jack informing him of what Kenzie had said they were soon pulling into the drive way. Taking a deep breath Mackenzie went to grab the door handle before Skylar spoke again. “Hey kenz it’s gonna be ok, this summer is gonna be fun I just know it” “thank you Skye I’m glad you decided to come along this year” Kenzie replied before getting out.

Jack and Quinn were standing on the front porch waiting to greet the girls and help them with their bags, once jack saw Mackenzie he ran to greet her having not seen her for a few days as she went back home to get Skylar. As soon as Jack was standing in front of her, Kenzie pulled him into a hug and kissed him quickly before pulling away, much to jacks dismay. Jack then went to greet Skylar as Mackenzie was pulled into another hug by the oldest hughes brother. “Hey Kenzie, how have you been?” Quinn asked her. “I’ve been good Q, exhausted from having to juggle time with Sky and Jack though” Quinn chuckled at that and let go of her. “Yeah Rowdy’s not stopped talking about you and when your getting here”. “When are the other boys getting here?” Kenzie asked noticing the lack of noise coming from the house. “They’re coming later this evening, jack didn’t want to overwhelm you or Skylar with them all” Quinn responded, Kenzie could feel her heart swell at Jack being so thoughtful.

After greeting everyone and introducing Skylar, the boys decided it would be a good idea to play a game of 20 questions to get to know Skylar a little more and that is how Kenzie found herself tucked under jacks arm on the couch with Skylar on the other side of her answering questions she never thought would come up again. To be fair to the boys the questions started out normal, “when’s yours and Mackenzie’s birthday Skylar?” Asked Luke. Skylar replied almost instantly “ Mine is March 27th 2003 and Kenzie’s is June 21st 2001” Quinn asked Kenzie how she got the scar on her forehead, it started from her right temple and ended above her eyebrow, and she replied telling the boys the story of how Skylar pushed her off a boat during a vacation because she wouldn’t share her nerd clusters with her.

When the attention was back on Skylar, Mackenzie relaxed when she realised she didn’t need to worry anymore, Skylar was right they were getting on great, they were having fun but Kenzie was still on edge, she was protective of her sister in the same light that Skylar was protective of her. Kenzie couldn’t help but giggle louder than she anticipated as everyone looked over at her. “What’s funny babe?” Jack asked looking down at her. “Nothing sweets—nothing, I was just thinking back to the first time you met sky!” She replied. Jack groaned as Skylar started giggling as well. Quinn and Luke looked lost watching the scene unfold. “What happened?” Luke asked. Kenzie tried to reply but couldn’t as she kept laughing. Skylar took over instead, “oh my gosh, so when I first heard about jack I was wary of him, kenz’s first boyfriend was a right douche who never treated her right and so after him I vowed to give her next boyfriend a hard time when I first met him, you know get to know what he really wanted with my sister. I wasn’t gonna let another boy break her heart and so when she first brought Jack around i interrogated him for the entire night, I honestly thought he was gonna cry he looked so scared. But I realised he was actually a perfect fit for kenz and I had to tell him the jig was up and I was just messing with him.” Lukes face had turned red as he was trying so hard not to laugh, until he couldn’t hold it in, everyone else followed suit and soon the whole living room was filled with laughter, until the doorbell rang.

Luke, Quinn and Jack looked at each other confused until they heard a familiar voice shout “Yo Hughesy open the door your best buddies are here” Luke bolted it to the door, with everyone else following suit, and there stood on the front porch was the Michigan sophomore boys. Kenzie looked over to Skylar to see her smiling brightly with her nose slightly scrunched, confused Mackenzie tried to see who her sister was looking at and that’s when she realised someone on the Umich hockey team had caught her eye. Would this be the summer everything changed for sky?

AN:- would you guys like a part 2? Who do you want the mysterious Umich boy to be? I’m open to suggestions. Again please be kind this is my first ever fic

Part 2??

[asexualaromanticblog]

Before Realising My AroAce Sexuality

I want to make one thing very clear before anyone starts reading. Though I identify as being asexual and aromantic, I can only talk about my own story because it is the only one I really understand. And I know that all of us have a different story. We all walk a different path. We all react differently to the obstacles placed in out way. But I can only talk about myself and how I, and some people I know who are also aro-ace, have been affected by their sexuality. I hope sharing my story, as well as my opinions and advice is of any use to you.

I also want all my readers to feel free about contacting me if they want their story to be published or simply understood, EVEN IF YOU AREN'T AROMANTIC OR ASEXUAL YOURSELVES. I will handle everything which any of you send me with the utmost discretion and to the word referring to your wishes.

I am a British demigirl teenager of 14 years of age who has been living in Spain since the young age of about 4 or 5. I am currently undergoing my freshman year of highschool. The presence of the doubt that I was asexual always dug at the back of my mind, but I liked to think I wasn't. I was SCARED: I didn't want to be lonely for the rest of my life. In fact, I was obsessed with the idea that I would find love eventually.

I realised I didn't like boys or men when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I simply did not feel romantically attracted by them at all. Yes, I found some boys attractive, and some actors too, but I found I was not able to form romantic attractions towards them. What's more, the people who I had previously 'liked' (obvoiusly I was like 11 so never anything truly serious) had always been very good friends of mine. Such close friends that our friendship almost seemed like the celibate and completely nonsexual relationships the popular kids were forming between each other.

I knew that gay people existed. I'd never been against it. From the moment I realised being gay was a THING, I'd supported it, even if I didn't feel that way myself.

So I went and thought: hmmm... I don't like guys. That must mean I like girls. Now, what girl do I like?

So I found a pretty girl, VERY popular (actually, I remember quite clearly her name was Inés). And I decided I had a crush on her.

Then, 7th grade, I changed schools. And I lost contact with all my friends (including Inés). I found a girl, a Russian called Maria, and decided I liked her. We dated, some months later. But we never DID anything. Max was holding hands or kissing each others cheeks. Then we broke up on rather bad terms., Even now, almost a year and a half later, we don't talk. I was in the same room as her for 15 mins and has an anxiety attack. I must admit, I hold a massive amount of trauma from that relationship still.

I had never made out with anyone and never really felt the need to, even though by 8th grade most of my friends had. I felt like I fancied another of my friends, Sarah, but when I confessed my feelings I got rejected. I was not too sore about it, surprisingly. I felt more like my pride was hurt than that my heart was broken.

And then, something magical happened.

In June of 2023, at 14 years of age, I watched Heartstopper in a day with a friend.

I fell in love with it.

And then, on the 3rd of August, when season 2 was released, I watched the entirety of it at night on my phone. And that was when I discovered asexuality.

More later!

Subscribe if you want more!

[sophielovesbooks]

People were asking for more book content, so here are my (spoilery!) and complex thoughts on Hell Bent!

...

First of all, I had a lot of fun reading this book. When rating it, I briefly considered giving it only like 3.5 stars. Then I was like: Hey, I had a great time overall, so it deserves 4 stars for sure.

So the first positive is that it was entertaining. The second big positive for me is still Alex's character. To me, she is one of the most interesting MCs I've encountered in a while. I realised that she is somewhat similar to my MC in my current WIP (though I doubt my character was truly inspired by her because I had read Ninth House in 2018 and didn't start planning my novel until June 2022, so I don't think there was much of a direct influence). I was fascinated to find out more about her backstory.

Some moments, just like in Ninth House, were truly heartbreaking, particularly the moment where she thought she had found Hellie again. Also the recurring theme of how it should have been Hellie who made it out and Alex who died. Oof. Loved that.

Moments between Alex and her mum were also really well written and impactful.

But now on to the things I didn't like. For one, the fact that getting to hell took up so many pages only for the reader to find out that Alex could have easily done it on, like, the first page. That was... annoying.

A big disappointment to me were the scenes of getting into and being in hell. Having just reread Ninth House, I was expecting something super emotional here. Also I believe Dawes mentioned they would have to be buried alive? I was intrigued, was looking forward to a terrifying description of what that feels like. And I feel cheated because I don't believe I got that? Then being in hell... I was imagining more emotion, like the characters reliving the absolute worst they have been through? (Though the short stories about the murders were great, especially Tripp's!)

My perhaps biggest issue were the unclear stakes but that's something that almost always annoys me in fantasy. Internal bleeding that almost killed you? Seems pretty serious. But wait, what's that, you can bathe in goat's milk (?) and be instantly better? Convenient. Especially when considering that this cure-all had never been mentioned before??

So yeah, to me it feels like this constant moving of the goal posts or something? The characters badly need X. Oh, wait, no, they can replace it with Y instead. X is deadly! Oh, but not if you have Y, don't worry.

I just hate that. In addition to that: The magic in general felt a bit... ridiculous to me at times? I want to say... childish? Magic potions and so on? I don't know, it's just not for me. Seems a bit silly, if you know what I mean. My biggest gripe here was Tripp at the end. That felt ridiculous and honestly so YA to me? Yeah. Not a fan of that particular twist.

People's emotions (for example Mercy's) weren't always realistic to me. If there was a chance I could die doing ANYTHING I would be right out of there. And I feel like that'd be the natural reaction. I would NOT willingly go to hell for probably anybody. So I personally would have preferred if Turner and Tripp had been coerced into it.

Two minor things: This second book, to me, was missing the murder mystery vibes of the first one. And I don't get why everyone is so obsessed with Darlington. (There, I said it. Sue me.)

And finally: I LOVED the theme of Alex being a survivor and as a result a bit of a shitty person. But I didn't like the fact that it was spelled out like that and repeated so many times. Amazing character trait and amazing theme, but please be more subtle about it.

As you can probably see, fantasy truly isn't my genre (13-year-old me is weeping; it used to be my fave). Alex is a great character and Leigh Bardugo a fantastic writer, though! For me personally, I believe that if these books were simply about Alex trying to make it at Yale given her past - and perhaps becoming involved in some sort of solidly plotted murder mystery - they would be among my absolute faves. But alas... vampires, half-demons and wheelwalkers. ..