#the ripping off wrapping paper with that finally tho

[ex0rin]

5SF: Gift of the Jack-Guy | Instagram

Problem is, you can’t return them to the store after they go at it. Best Guy has a whole clause in their refund policy about that.

[sturniololoco]

little sister fic: they catch her vaping and she says she will stop but then they catch her vaping with her friends again and she tried to run away but they catch her and lecture her and take them away

Vape

Warnings: vaping, smoking, etc.

Note: I have so many (similar) requests for this one! It's kinda of short tho! Sorry!

SLS/N's POV

I needed it.

Bad.

I excused myself from the living room with my brothers, not being able to take it anymore.

I shut the door behind me and then pulled my vape out of my bra and took a hit, instantly feeling better. I watch the smoke come out of my nose in the mirror, satisfying my nerves.

Just as I was about to take another, the bathroom door opened.

"Oh shit! Sorry, I-" Chris begins to apologize, stopping dead in his tracks, looking at the object in my hands.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He asks me, closing the bathroom door and walking close to me.

"I-I...It's just a little-I mean I-" I can't form words, so scarred about what Chris will say.

He's so disappointed.

"alright, I'll tell you what," He says, ripping the vape from my hands. I try to snatch it back, but before I can, he drops it on the floor and smashes it.

"I won't tell Matt or Nick about this, If you swear on all that is holy, you won't do this again." He gives me a stern look, bending down to pick up the remnants of the vape on the floor.

I nod, not wanting to disappoint my other brothers, or Chris even more.

He gives me one more glare before walking out of the bathroom and slamming the door.

-

"What is that smell in there?" Nick asks, poking his head out of the bathroom I just walked out of.

Shit.

'I-uh...breakfast didn't sit too well with my stomach." I lie.

He shrugs and blows it off, using the bathroom all the same.

-

"Thanks a ton!" I say to the senior handing me a new vape in a brown bag, and handing him a $50 bill for the cost and his trouble.

He nods and walks away as I stuff the thing into my backpack and sprint home as soon as the final bell rings.

I really did try to keep my promise to Chris, but on the 3rd day, I was shaking like crazy and I felt like scratching my eyes out.

arriving home, I quickly said hello to my brothers, shoveling down the afternoon snack Nick had made me. I then ran to my room, saying something about having lots of homework.

I slammed my door shut and flung my backpack onto my bed after grabbing out the paper bag. I unpacked it and sank to the floor.

I took a hit, immediately feeling relief flood through my shaking limbs and scrambled brain, the light, almost see-through smoke, creating a wreath around my face.

But just like last time, the door opened on my second hit.

Nick, Matt, and worst of all, Chris stood in my doorway, standing there shocked. Chris pushed passed Matt and Nick, walking to me, only to snach the vape again and press it in my face.

"This again? Come on SLS/N! You broke my trust for this stupid thing?" Chris scolded.

Tears were flooding down my face, knowing he disappointed all my brothers are.

"I-I'm sorry! I n-need it. please," I say, trying to explain how badly my body craved this hunk of metal and plastic in my brother's hand. I just couldn't explain why.

Matt and Nick came over, Mat sitting down next to me while Nick comforted Chris.

"SLS/N, there are other ways of handling your stress. You can always come and talk to one of us, we are always here for you." Matt said, rubbing my arm comfortingly.

I nod as he hugs me, feeling extremely guilty about this whole situation. It made me want to chuck my vape out the widow, but use it at the same time.

Matt let go and Chris came next, wrapping his arms around me, cradling my head to his chest as I cried.

"I tried Chris, I really did. I-I couldn't do it! I'm s-sorry." I said.

He shushed me softly, stroking my hair gently, helping me calm down.

"I know you did. But we're all here now to help you get through this okay? You can always talk to us.

I nodded into his chest, feeling relieved that he was;t angry with me.

Matt and Nick joined in on our hug as Chris mumbled into my hair,

"I love you, sweet girl."

"I love you too."

Still cleaning out my inbox!

Tag List: @idkwhosnyla @babypat08 @eyelessdemon00 @christopherowensturniolo @sturnsxx @freshloveforthefit @matty443355 @sleepysturnss @emeraldgreenbeautiesstu @sunsetsturniolos @hoesturniolo @x4nd3rsukz @chr1sgirl4life @sstvrnioloo @sturns-posts @chrisstopherfilmed @kylasrealityx @zoeysturnioloooooo

[penofpenguin]

Here's a kinda dark and confusing request:

How would Adeuce, Leona, and Jamil react to their fem s/o revealing that she was an orphan who was used as a test subject for experiments before escaping to become an undercover assassin?

Absolutely!! I didn't know if you wanted Adeuce together or not so I wrote them separately. You can read it as a throuple tho, just seperated by banners :)

Content Warnings: Themes of death, Mentions of human testing, Ace being inconsiderate at first.

Their s/o is an orphan who was used as a test subject, then escaped to become an undercover assassin.

Ace x F!Reader, Deuce x F!Reader, Leona x F!Reader, Jamil x F! Reader

"Ok...so Ace...I need to tell you something."

"Huh?"

And so, you told him your crippling dark past. HE'D. ASK. SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

"Wait wait...how did you end up in the lab?"

"What chemicals did they put in you?"

"Is this why you're so crazy in love with me?"

"How did you escape again. No, you know what, start again I lost track."

He really doesn't mean to hurt you but Ace is inconsiderate and can't read the mood.

But in the end, he'd actually understand it all. He may be a bit scared that you were an assassin but you are his s/o, and he still loves you.

Once you're done, he holds your hand and just looks away. Like hell he'll completely show you his soft side.

"You sure went through alot. Come here and maybe you'll feel better," (its his way of asking for a hug)

Once you hug him...trust me you'll feel so much better. He gives you a comforting hug and simply coddles you in his arms, letting you know you're safe.

Will he show you his almost teary and sad face in front of you? No. He won't let go of you until his tears are gone and you're feeling better.

Ace isn't the best at comfort, but he'll do his best. He'll buy you something from the canteen or do something else to make you a bit more happier.

But if it isn't comfort that you were looking for, and just wanted to let him know since you trust him enough, he'll let go of you in an instant and ask you if you're for real rn.

Here comes a bunch of butterfly kisses because he's genuinely happy you trusted him enough. (also because he thinks you're so cool) :)

he may still be a tad bit intimidated by the fact that you killed people but it's nothing compared to floyd am i right

"Hey...you're ok right? Is something on your mind?"

Blue egg boy should be focusing on his homework but he couldn't help but look at you in worry. YOU'RE HIS S/O.

So you tell him. Good decision! He listens carefully and is actually sympathetic at sight, unlike Ace.

During the test subject part, he starts crying. HE STARTS CRYING. ITS NOT EVEN HIS PAST.

But seeing his beloved s/o go through that much hurt him. He cries. YOU need to comfort him, not the opposite way 😭

But once you tell him you're an assassin, he freezes.

More than Ace, Deuce is more intimidated. He needs to let it sink in. Ofc he doesn't hate you, but he's genuinely scared. Those lovely hands helping him with homework killed people???

However, after putting himself in your shoes, he finally continues feeling deeply sorry for you. You had to survive and it's not your fault.

He kisses you and tells you he loves you no matter what. Holds you close to let you know you're protected and nobody could ever hurt you like that.......his magic history homework on the table....forgotten

Deuce starts growing this huge rage for those people who used you as a test subject. He draws them (based off of your description) with a crayon on a piece of paper and rips it apart.

until somebody comes into that room and is confused asf.

"Leona...I think I should tell you this."

snore

Oh you thought he'd be listening? Shake him and tell him it's serious. It works 👍

"You're lucky you're my queen."

We all know Leona respects women. He's listening.

Once you tell him everything, Leona just quietly nods throughout your tragic backstory. However, his tail does loosely wrap itself around you, as a sign of comfort.

Leona's mature unlike the previous two walnuts. He knows it's hard for you to tell him this. It would be hard for anyone.

He doesn't bat an eye, all the way until you're done.

Once you do finish, he pulls you into his embrace and you two lay down on the matress you were sitting on.

"I'm here. I won't let anybody harm you."

Leona is surprisingly not bad at comfort. He's one to rather give advice, but what advice can he give here apart from telling you to move on and look towards the future? (with him *wink wink*)

Leona's very intrigued by the fact that you're an undercover assassin. He sees you as a confident girlboss and he really likes that. In fact, it may as well made him like you even more.

Additionally, he actually predicted a tragic backstory, simply by your actions. It's a very 'Leona' thing to do, considering the fact that he's observant.

He reassures you multiple times that you're safer and you're in better hands now (literally).

Leona may not understand your pain, but he's very willing to help you get over it, even if he may not express it.

"Are you alright?"

Another very observant man. He noticed your expression as soon as he entered the room and it worried him.

When it comes to you, Jamil cares alot. So, once you told him to take a seat and that you trust him enough to say this, he makes sure to put every distraction away.

If Kalim getting in the middle is a concern, don't worry, he already locked Kalim in Kalim's room with a bunch of food and music.

While you're undergoing the process of telling him everything, he holds you tightly, holding you tighter at any major critical points of your past.

He listens carefully and clearly. No he doesn't care that people died because of you. You didn't choose this and you had no choice.

Once you're done, he asks you if you want to eat anything or if there's anything he can do to calm you down and cool your thoughts.

He's good at comfort, since he's done it for Kalim.

Cooks something for you, even if you insist on not troubling him. The arab urge to make sure your loved ones are fed properly 😭

Man praises you on how brave you were to deal with all that.

Jamil may seem very calm on the outside, but on the inside, he's mixed with emotions. Sadness on how you were treated, and anger in those scientists who used you as a lab rat.

Once you're out of sight, he stabs a random vegetable or the chopping board in anger.

To lighten the mood, he jokes around lightly, saying that Kalim would cry and yell "jamilll" in your situation.

Don't be so mean to Kalim, Jamil >:(

Jamil would notice some changes in your behavior towards him, seeing you two are more closer perhaps. It genuinely makes him happy that you don't see him as a shadow to Kalim.

He's glad that you told him, 1. you're his s/o and 2. he's considered more special than kalim since he knows a trusted secret kalim doesn't.

I hope this was ok!! I'm brushing up on my writing skills since it's been a while so sorry if this is weird :')

Hope you enjoyed!! Have a nice day 💖

- Madeline 🐧

[movedtolilmouzee]

Hello! Could I plz request a Mikey x Reader where Mikey's s/o revives Shinichiro. Like Y/n has powers to bring people back to life and then on Mikey's birthday Y/n surprises Mikey with Shinichiro. It's ok if no tho!

𝕭𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖉𝖆𝖞 𝖘𝖚𝖗𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖊...

𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘳, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺, 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳!

Mikey knew of your power, but never knew just how powerful it was. It fascinated him to watch you bring someone back to life, his mind wondered through different possibilities that you could do but he pushed the thoughts away not wanting to overwhelm you or make you feel like he was only with you for your power.

Mikey's birthday was quick to come up too quick it made you panic, it was almost impossible to get Mikey a good birthday gift. You knew what he loved but you couldn't just get him dorayaki and taiyaki, it was his favorite but even you knew that wouldn't be the best gift. You could get him bike parts but you wouldn't even know where to start, it was hopeless nothing came to mind when you thought about your boyfriend, until his older brother Shinichiro came to mind

Mikey talked about him almost constantly it could be about his favorite food, bike, anything. You knew how much Mikey missed his older brother and it hurt you to see how sad Mikey would get thinking about him. This started the idea of reviving Shinichiro.

Draken, Chifuyu, Mitsuya and Takemichi all agreed with your idea and planned to help you execute it perfectly. Everyone agreed to take Mikey out to his favorite restaurant and take him out around tokyo while you revived Shinichiro. Worries went soaring through your mind but you shook your head thinking of how happy Mikey would be to see his older brother and finally get to live his life with him just as he wanted. The plan worked just long enough for you to revive Shinichiro and explain everything to him, while also helping him adjust to the sudden new change that was dropped on him.

You set up the apartment you and Mikey shared with balloons, A cute hand painted birthday streamer, Everyones favorite snacks and a cake for Mikey, hiding Shin in the bathroom before Mikey got home. When your blond haired boyfriend did get home he immediately pulled you into his arms, caring about nothing expect getting to hold you mumbling about "How much he missed you" and pouting because you weren't with him.

Draken had to pick up Mikey like a kitten for him to even notice how much effort you put into decorating the house. The pout quickly changing into happiness and pure excitement, Mikey looking at you with pure love and pure innocence knowing he picked the right person in that moment.

The party went on smoothly, Everyone happy, smiling, laughing and finishing up their pieces of cake as you announced it was time for presents. Mikey bouncing with joy as he plopped down onto the couch. Ripping off the wrapping paper of Drakens gift throwing it all over the living room ignoring Draken and Your complaints. Draken's gift was a cologne Mikey had been eyeing for awhile, Chifuyu'a gift was Mangas that he thought Mikey would enjoy, Mitsuya's gift to Mikey was a jacket he had sewn.

You swore you'd never seen Mikey look so happy before, he was like a dog that has just gotten to see its owner after a year, it was adorable. "Ok, now that you've opened everyone's gift's, I have one that I'll think you'll be very happy out" Your words catching mikey's attention, everyone nodding as you walked out of view, telling Mikey to close his eyes before you came back into the livingroom with Shinichiro following close behind.

The moment Mikey opened his eyes his eyes flickered between you and his older brother, making you nervous. Did he not like what you did? Was he angry at you? Did it upset him? "Y/N...d-d..Did you get a life size cut out of Shinichiro?" Mikey asked making everyone in the room expect you snort. It annoyed you but you understood where Mikey was coming from but it still annoyed you. "No baby, I used my powers to revive Shinichiro. I know how much you missed him and wished he could be here for your birthday so I make your dream come too" You said holding back laughs at how confused Mikey looked.

The confusion Mikey felt washed away as he quickly hugged you, tears staining your shirt as Mikey held onto you for dear life "Thank you so much, baby. Thank you" as all he could muster as he broke down in your arms in pure excitement and love. "This is the best birthday I ever could of asked for" he whispered between hiccups and sobs "I love you much, mikey" "I love you too, angel"

[smokahuntis]

Partners

Paring: Javier peña x dea reader

Request: @bii-aan-ckaa

Warnings : SMUT, Creampie, arguing, degrading, choking.

Summery: Javier peña and (y/n) could never get along, not for a second. They always fought, during work, after work, everywhere. They had something to argue about. Until today

“I just don’t think this is a good idea” (y/n) said crossing her arms looking at Javier and Steve.

“Well if we are careful-“ Steve started

“He’s never careful...” she said and shook her head “this isn’t going to go over well”

“I’ve got this, now have some faith in me for once” Javier protested

“How can I have faith in a man who almost got me killed?” She looked at him

“Enough both of you... we’ll pick back up tomorrow, I’m going home” Steve said grabbing his stuff and heading out.

“I’ve got work to do” (y/n) said sitting at her desk. Javier just shook his head and watched her as he sat down as well.

Javier could never understand the way she worked, how she ticked. She’s like hot and cold, but she never understood him either, their ideas and planning was always different, and on the occasion one of them did agree to the others it went poorly and ended up in an argument.

“I’m going to head out with search block tomorrow to find the spotters” (y/n) said quietly, not looking up from her papers.

“No you’re not” Javier said flatly, looking up at her as he set his pen down.

“And why not?” She looked up at him and leaned back in her chair.

“Because it’s dangerous, you’ll need to be here to relay details.” He said standing up.

“I didn’t come here to be a fucking pen pusher Javier” she said standing up to be level with him.

“I don’t care, it isn’t safe- and I- we can’t loose you, (y/n)” he said sternly, she looked him over and took in his words before she stepped closer to him.

“You can’t loose me huh?” She smirked feeling like she’d won before he groaned and grabbed her by the throat and backed her up to her desk

“No- I can’t loose you” he kissed her fiercely, fed up with meaningless fights to get each other’s attention he finally just snapped.

They both kissed each other with so much heat and passion that it could make a sauna in the room. Luckily for them they were the only ones at the office this late. His hand never left her throat as he choked her, letting up every few seconds so she could breathe even tho the only air she was getting was coming from his mouth.

“Javier” she moaned and tangled her fingers in his hair as her other one started on his belt. He chuckled against her mouth and ran his thumb over her bottom lip as he looked into her eyes.

“You really are a slut huh?” He smirked before she brought her hand up and slapped his cheek, making a low growl leave his mouth before he grabbed her jaw and made her looked at him. “Do you want this?”

“Of course I want this” she whispered and looked at him “I haven’t been pissing you off for months to not want this” she said, he smirked and kissed her again as he grabbed the middle of her shirt and ripped it open, sending buttons flying everywhere as she gasped into his mouth.

She was quick to pull his belt off him, as she went to toss it away he grabbed it and took her hands above her head and quickly tied them together with the rough Colombian leathers. “Javi-“ she whined wanting to touch him before he shook his head and made them tighter.

“No, you don’t get to be a brat for months on end and expect to touch me darling, that’s now how this works” he whispered in her ear as he forced her skirt up and got down on his knees as he pulled her panties down and stuffed them into his pants pocket. Moving her legs to his shoulders her smirked and blew cold air on her core.

“Oh god- Javier just fucking touch me please!” She moaned and moved her hips to gain anything before he took in her pleads and let her have what she wanted. Soon her was holding her hips down as he lapped at her clit, using his tongue to carve into it, writing his name over and over on her like she was paperwork. He had her reeling on her own desk, begging for more, begging to be touched and fucked.

“Javier- oh my god-“ she whined and felt tears in her eyes of hot white pleasure but he didn’t do anything but play with her clit, teasing her how she deserved. “Please! I’ll do anything!” She whined before he pulled away.

“Anything?” He pulled her off the desk and onto her knees quickly.

“Yes- anything” she looked up at him, already a fucking disaster at his feet.

“I think you know what I want, whore” he said roughly before she moved her cuffed hands up to pull his big cock out. Her eyes almost popped out of her head at the sheer sight of him, her mouth watered and all she could do for a moment was stare. Before he grabbed the back of her head and looked at her.

“Open that bratty mouth of yours, (y/n)” he said before she opened up slowly and he slipped his cock into her mouth without a second thought. She moaned against him and start sucking on him, back and forth, getting gutty moans in return from him.

This went on for awhile before he took complete control and grabbed the back of her head and started thrusting in and out of her throat, making her take him. Tears ran down her face, not from fear but from pleasure. Her mascara was ruined as she gagged around him and made laud noises for him. Before he finally pulled out and grabbed her by the bottoms of her arms and bent her over the desk quickly.

“You’re like fucking putty in my hands, princess” he chuckled darkly and slapped her ass as he helped her head down against the desk. “I wish I could tell you the amount of times I’ve wanted to slam you against a wall and fuck the attitude out of you” he whispered and rubbed his cock uo and down her soaked folds.

“I can’t count that high” he slapped her ass again before grabbing her hips “you ready?” He asked as she nodded. “Beg...” he growled in her ear before nipping at the skin.

“Please- Javier...” she whimpered and tried to move back onto him “please! Just fuck me! “ she whined before he slammed himself into her aching core, letting out a deep moan as he felt her wrap around him tightly, she was perfect.

He held her hips in his hands tightly as he started fucking her quickly, Using her to take out his frustrations, filling the office with slapping noises and the smell of sex. “Oh fuck- just like that baby- you’re taking me se well” he praised her for a moment, getting loud moans in return before he reached up and grabbed her throat again, pulling her back against his chest. “What was that?” He asked wanting to hear her.

“I- oh- thank you- thank you Javier” she whined and laid her head back in his shoulder as her hands began to slip from the restraints and quickly she wrapped them around the back of his head and pulled him closer. “I’m-im gonna cum- fuck- let me cum! Please!” She moaned.

He smirked and kissed her shoulder softly and reached down, rubbing her clit

“go ahead- cum for me- cum for your partner, (y/n)” he purred in her ear before he started getting bitey, leaving marks on the back of her neck before her legs start to shake under him and he had to hold her up as she came around him, forcing his own orgasm to trigger deep inside her ruined pussy as she moaned out his name.

He held onto her tightly and rode out their high before he let out a sigh of relief into her skin. They just stood there for a moment, still connected before he started peppering her skin with light kisses.

“If we don’t get off my desk there’s going to be cum all over my paper work, that Murphy has to sign later” she whispered and he moved back a bit and chuckled.

“Maybe he deserves to sign cummie paperwork” Javier said kissing over her neck gently. He made her giggle, actually giggle for the first time since he’d known her. Why was it so beautiful.

“Teach him not to leave us alone huh?” She looked back at javjer with soft tired eyes. He smiled at her and kissed her gently.

“Something like that” he said pulling out slowly and grabbing paper towels to clean her up. She watched him and held onto her desk for some support as he cleaned her up and helped her dress again, his touches were much softer then earlier as he wrapped his jacket around her and helped her up.

“I’ll take you home okay?” He asked softly.

“That would be really sweet if we didn’t live across the hall from each other. “ she teased him before he slapped her butt “hey!” She whined and he helped her into the car.

“Behave” he said and got in. “Or this won’t happen again” she looked over at him and bit her lip before she responded.

“Yes daddy”

Tag list: @everythinggeeky @thinemineours @morgannope @thisis-theway @onabouteverything @blxwjobsforclones @a-dorin

[little-diable]

Bonnie and Clyde 2.0 - Biker! Bucky Barnes (smut)

Witten for @firefly-in-darkness movie challenge (I chose pulp fiction) and my own 9k challenge. @band--psycho created the moodboard. You’ll find some parallels to the movie and a few quotes. Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: Two fugitives on the run, two lovers that live out of a suitcase, leaving their hometown behind to strengthen their connection.

Warnings: 18+, smut, unprotected sex, robbery, guns (nobody gets hurt tho), some good ole’ angst, but a happy end (kind of) 

Pairing: Biker!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader (2.4k+)

“Are you ready?” His voice dropped with each syllable that spilled from his chapped lips, metallic arm shining in the bright Los Angeles sunlight. Her pupils slightly got wider behind the dark pair of sunglasses, gaze flickering between her lover and the waitress that tried to calm a pair of unsatisfied customers.

(Y/n) reached for her suitcase with one hand, while the other one tightened its grip on her gun. A slight nod of her head signaled him to rise from his seat, clearing his voice before he raised his own gun, metal just as shiny, just as mysterious as his arm.

“I love you, doll.” Bucky turned towards his girl, smirking as she blew him a kiss.

“I love you too, you crazy motherfucker,” she settled behind him, cocking her gun as Bucky’s voice echoed through the diner, speaking to the confused and scared customers.

“Everybody be cool, this is a robbery.”

--

The wind was blowing through her hair, arms tightly wrapped around his middle, squeezing him with each turn his machine took. Alpine was roaring through the night, rattling as the moon was standing high, guiding the two through the rough land, protecting them from the darkness that lingered behind thick clouds of rain.

Both trusted the road to take them where they would be safe, hidden from the cops that looked for the two that got called “Bonnie and Clyde 2.0” - a cheap nickname the newspapers came up with. Two fugitives on the run, two lovers that live out of a suitcase, leaving their hometown behind to strengthen their connection.

By now it almost felt too natural, too easy to rob one diner after another. It was always the same routine, he’d tell her how much he loves her before drowning his cup of coffee, rising from his seat with a gun in his hand, not planning to kill anyone but the register full of cash.

Not once would they doubt their motives, two lovers that needed money to survive, to make their way through the land, highs, and lows that kept them on their toes. At the end of the day, they’d just be themselves, a suitcase and a bike that swore to take them wherever they planned on driving to next.

Late at night, as they’d crash in a motel on the side of the road, he’d make love to her in the most intimate way. Caring, soft and sweet, kissing promises into her skin, silently apologising for the unstable and dangerous lifestyle he had pulled her into.

Bucky would fuck her on the bed, against the wall, or in the shower, sometimes - just sometimes - he’d pull Alpine over, would stop the engine to fuck her on his bike in the middle of nowhere. His cock would twitch deep inside of her, holding onto her as the burning heat would engulf them, sweaty bodies would meet, kisses would get pressed against their swollen lips.

He was addicted to her, urged on by the adrenaline that would rush through him while he’d speed through the streets, hiding from the cops that kept on looking for the two. They were careful enough, ready to lay low for days on end, parting ways for a day and a night, just to meet again at the end of the road.

They’d dance to Johnny Cash as the sun was setting, whispering tunes only the dead knew by heart. Where the gun is cocked as the bullet’s cold, where the miles are marked in the blood and gold - they’d always meet up further on up the road. 

“I’ll see if they have a phone,” (y/n)’s feet tingled, legs quivering from sitting on Alpine for way too long. His metal hand clamped down on her hand, pulling her against his front, not giving her a chance to leave the dark and dusty hotel room. Bucky’s cold breath met her neck, hairs rising, hyper-alert to her surroundings.

“We talked about this, you can’t.” Her heart ached, desperate to hear her mother’s voice again, to talk about the ones she had left behind, sick and poor, healthy and rich, caring or not about her sudden disappearance. She turned around in his embrace, ran her hand through his hair, scratching his burning scalp.

“I just miss her, you know?” A kiss got shared between the two, lips meeting hers to stop her from talking, not used to seeing her this fragile and confused, with waves of sadness crashing through her system. Impatient hands tugged on the zipper of her leather jacket, watching the heavy piece of fabric tumbling to the floor.

“Maybe we just need to distract you for a while,” Bucky’s rough voice sidetracked her from the loud thoughts that screamed at her to run, to rip herself out of his claws. His metallic fingers danced up and down her throat, softly squeezing the skin, a simple reminder of their arrangement, she was his, till handcuffs would tighten their grip on his wrists, ready to convict him for his wrongdoings.

Swiftly he had her pressed against the wall, forcing his hand into her trousers, rubbing her clit through her panties. She panted his name, (y/n) was fighting a war inside her head, holding onto the last strings of sanity that kept her focused, trying to ignore the silent whispers of the darkness, pulling her further into his trap, chaining her to the criminal.

Heavy breaths spilled from their lips, the temperature kept rising, begging them to finally undress themselves, to give into their cravings. Bucky watched her step out of her trousers, working on the dark belt of his, freeing his hardening cock from the confines of his clothes. He slipped into her before she could say another word, roughly fucking her as the pictures on the wall began to shake, about to crash to the floor.

“You feel this?” His metallic hand disappeared beneath her shirt, pressed against her lower belly, feeling his cock deep inside of her. Bucky fucked her like it was their last night of freedom, facing the cops that were betting on the two lovers, watching them fall apart as the world was closing in on them. “I’ll always be right here with you, we belong together.”

Her teeth nibbled on his lower lip, hands tugging on the hairs at the nape of his neck, keeping him close. Their orgasms were creeping closer, ready to rock through them, to distract them from the life they were living, allowing them to take deep breaths without worrying about curious eyes.

“I love you,” were the last words she spoke before her walls began to clamp down on his cock, squeezing him, begging him to fuck her through her orgasm. Bucky seemed to understand the signals her body was sending out to him, he kept on snapping his hips against hers, cock covered in her arousal, the sweet drops of her release.

The moment his warmth began to spread through her (y/n)’s legs gave out, body tumbling against his, almost knocking him off his own feet.

Late at night when she was asleep he’d lay next to her with a racing heart. Bucky couldn’t help but feel guilty, hating himself for tainting a pure girl like her, she could live a life filled with love and success, no longer having to sleep on dirty mattresses, to eat cheap meals. She could live the life she deserves. A life without a criminal by her side, though with a man that would cherish and love her just like he should.

---

“You never can tell” played from the jukebox. A few people danced through the diner, moving to the song, singing the lyrics. (Y/n) watched them with a tight smile playing on her lips, sipping on the cocktail she had ordered an hour ago. Bucky was absorbed into the newspaper he had stolen from a gas station earlier that day.

(Y/n) studied him, he was biting down on his lip, eyebrows furrowed, trying to figure out if they were in danger if the cops were truly as close to them as the newspapers kept on telling. Words were burning on her tongue, she couldn’t help but feel somewhat disappointed and jealous, of the ones that got twirled around by their lovers.

“Don’t you hate that?” A sigh left her, eyes still focused on Bucky, waiting for him to finally lift his gaze off the white paper.

“What?” Just for a second, he placed the newspaper down, waiting for her to speak, to explain her random choice of words. He couldn’t waste any time, had to figure out if they still had enough time to eat before having to cock their guns.

“Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?”

“I don't know. That's a good question.” Bucky tried to stop his eyes from rolling, slightly shaking his head, averting his gaze once again.

“That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm, (y/n) was spitting each word, placing her glass down, finishing the way too expensive drink.

Her hands tugged on his, pulling him out of their booth, straight towards the dance floor. She felt her gun moving with each step she took, burning into her skin, preparing for their old routine, the one she could talk about as she was barely awake. In this very moment, it was just the two of them, dancing with one another, sharing kisses, not worrying about the road they’d have to take in a few minutes.

“You need to promise me something, doll.” Bucky’s hand found its way to her jaw, holding onto her as she danced to the beat. “Do you see the door back there?” He twirled her into the right direction, eyes focused on the barely alight door, the one where a lazy waitress had scribbled “exit” onto the wood.

She only nodded her head, didn’t reply to his question, wondering where he was going with this.

“The second I tell you to run, you’ll take off through that door, understood?” Her mouth opened and closed, thoughts racing, trying to figure out if he was coming up with a new routine, anything to set the cops onto the wrong track. But the dark eyes of his told a different story, the almost painful expression he wore explained everything she needed to know.

“I won’t leave you.” Tears welled up in her eyes, hands trembling, reaching for the collar of his leather jacket. Her lips found his, he could taste her tears on her skin, the drops that were as salty as the ocean, rocking his boat back and forth as the sun was setting, painting the dark water in a red shade.

His heart burned, trying to understand that this was the last time he’d see her, the last time he’d get to hold her. She had been like a dream, too good to be true, too colorful for his dark world, a splash of color he was about to wipe off his soul.

“Call your mom for me, tell her I said sorry.” Bucky dried her tears with his lips, kissing along her cheeks, anything to remember the feeling of her skin, the scent of hers he’d hold onto as life has lost its meaning.

Bile pooled in her mouth, insides churning, finally understanding that he was saying goodbye. He was waking her from the dream that had clouded her mind for months, pulling her back into the harsh reality of her life. She couldn’t live without him, couldn’t survive if she wouldn’t breathe the same air as Bucky.

“Take the suitcase and run.” A soft push ripped her off his chest, hands no longer holding onto him. (Y/n)’s vision was blurred, tears kept on streaming down her cheeks, dripping onto the dirty diner floor. Bucky disappeared in the crowd of dancing people, he didn’t spare her another glance, didn’t stick around for long enough to see if she’d make it to safety.

---

Rain was falling from the sky, pitter-pattering against her window. Different polaroid pictures were placed on her blanket, memories she had kept in her suitcase, hidden away for months. The reminders of him had been too painful for (y/n), she barely looked at the pictures she had taken of his handsome face, but she couldn’t make it through the day without touching the necklace he had gifted her, hoping that his scent was still sticking to the metal.

“What’s that?” Her chuckles rumbled through her, naked body placed in front of him, waiting for Bucky to finally give in. He had been teasing her for the past hours, keeping her at arm's length, barely touching her.

“A promise,” his voice dropped, hands finally reaching for hers, “a promise that no matter what, you’ll always have my heart.”

The silvery necklace he pulled out of his jacket got placed around her neck, twinkling in the faint light. (Y/n)’s fingers traced the pendant, smiling at the man her heart had chosen to love. The kiss she pressed against his lips grew raw and hungry, pulling him closer to her naked frame.

Bucky’s fingers ran through her folds, collecting drops of arousal that dripped from her heat, begging him to finally fuck her. She reached for his length, pumped him a few times, silently asking him if he was ready to make love to her all through the night.

Both moaned in unison, holding onto one another, settling for a calm rhythm, trying to get adjusted to one another’s body. Her walls fluttered, feeling the thin, velvety skin of his, exploring every inch of his glorious self, ready to burn her touch into his soul.

“Here, this came for you.” Her mother entered the room with a smile on her lips, placing a card down on (y/n)’s desk. She had left before her daughter could ask any questions, leaving her behind with her loud thoughts. Cautiously she neared her desk, fingers running along the slightly worn-out paper of the card.

“Greetings from Rome” had been printed onto the paper, next to a few pictures. Her hands trembled as she turned the card, a single chuckle left her lips, glassy eyes reading through the words that had been scribbled onto the paper. 

No matter what, he’d always have her heart, even oceans apart.

Marvel Taglist: @jensenackles512​ @princesspumpkiin​ @cuddle-stuff​ @mrs-salvawhore​ @thenightperson​ @jellybean-22 @writethelifeyouwant @band–psycho @23victoria @huntheimpossible @positionsfyou @missryerye @lowilaufeyson​ @gothicxbarbie@bluesclues-1234 @miraclesoflove @coldlilheart @pandaxnienke​ @cherieweasley @wittysunflower @your-hispanichufflepuff @angelusviate @savior-adriana​ @mbjackie @belladonnablackwood @abookishpineapple​ @doasyoudesireandlive​ @mbjackie​

Fallen Angels: @mgkbabygirl​ @shrekboobies​ @ivelveti @honiebee @itstaylorcale​ @mcira​ @megamieversole-blog​ @amelia-song-pond @bwbatta​ @damianoaf​ 

Add yourself to my taglist

[caramelcal]

Fool for you

a/n: eye- y’all wanting a part 2? cause i have it planned lol x

it gets much more interesting i promise oml...the enemies arc really do be one of my faves tho

word count: 3.15k

warning: swearing

She couldn’t believe how much shit that stupid kiss had landed her in. Her head was clouded, arms crossed over her chest as she stared down at her lap, trying not to grumble. Not only her own manager was sat in the room, but 5 seconds of summer’s too, along with their bassist, one of the people she hated most, Calum Hood.

“We have seen how everyone reacted to the speculation,” The woman in front of her started, legs pressed together with a large binder sitting on her lap, hands folded gently on top. Normally Y/N got on quite well with her manager, Caroline, but right now she wanted to scream due to the words coming out of the woman’s mouth, “You’ve been gaining popularity from it, Y/N. This could be a great way for you to gain more of a following.”

Y/N had dreamed of the day she started to trend on Twitter, but this was not what she wanted to be trending for. She wasn’t trending for her music, not even her newest single. No, she was trending because everyone thought she was Calum Hood’s girlfriend.

Speaking of the boy, he sat beside her, keeping quietly to himself. This had to have been the first time that he had ever been in her presence where he hadn’t been annoying the shit out of her. Must be because his manager is in here. He had already been approached about it and seemed sold on the idea.

An idea of them being in a fake relationship.

Her, with Calum Hood. She wanted to scoff at the thought. He was unbearable at best, constantly annoying her to the point where she wanted to rip her hair out. When she had first been asked to be the opening act for 5 Seconds of Summer’s tour she had been ecstatic. The boys were nice, welcoming her onto their tour with open arms. Honestly, Y/N got on with all of them, apart from Calum. From the moment he set eyes on her he seemed determined to do anything and everything in his power to piss her off, slowly waiting until she finally lost her cool and lashed out. It was frustrating, especially considering Y/N knew she couldn’t do much about it.

Now, not only did she have to put up with Calum normally, but they wanted her to get close with him. To be in a fake relationship, which, obviously, meant spending more time with him.

“So, of course, you guys will have to be seen out in public with one another every so often so we were thinking you guys get ‘caught’ kissing my paps again, then we’re thinking dropping hints,” Ink began to get scribbled across a piece of paper, writing out a messy and brief plan which Y/N didn’t even want to look at, “Possibly y/n being caught wearing Calum’s shirt...We aren’t entirely sure yet but we will make sure to keep you updated. Do either of you have any questions?”

Despite the question seeming like it was for both of them, it was directed at Y/N, and she knew that. PR stunts and fake dating amongst celebrities were never unheard of, but she never thought she would be getting into one herself, not now and definitely not with Calum, “I do, actually. What’s in it for him exactly?”

The question was asked towards the two managers, y/n honestly didn’t want to even look at Calum right now. He probably wanted to do this simply to annoy her because he knew that he was the bane of her existence, but y/n just hoped that he wouldn’t get even more annoying, despite knowing he definitely would take advantage of the situation.

“Publicity,” His manager stated simply, nodding his head slightly in her direction. Y/n didn’t know what else to say, and they all were enveloped in a very uncomfortable silence before Caroline let out a sigh, snapping her folder shut.

“Well if that’s all,” She stood up, making y/n’s eyes travel up to her as she began to walk away, “We will leave you two be.”

With that, the two managers left without another word, shutting the door behind them. Y/n and Calum sat in awkward silence for a few moments, y/n’s eyes set firmly in the door before she stood up, going towards the door before Calum caught onto her hand.

“Where are you going?”

“Away,” Y/n huffed, tugging her hand away from the boy’s grip as she glared down at his hand. He awkwardly pulled his hand back, putting his hands down in his lap, “Going to get my last few hours of peace before we have to start this PR stunt.”

“Aw y/n/n, not wanna spend time with me, huh?” Calum teased, making her roll her eyes. He was already annoying her and he had barely spoken three sentences to her; something he had a special gift for.

“No, not really,” He gave her a fake pout before a smirk rose to his lips, making her roll her eyes.

Calum was acting as if she would actually enjoy his company. The same Calum Hood that woke her up by pouring a bucket of water on her that morning. Freezing cold water. Dickhead.

“Why are you doing this? Like why are you actually doing this?” She asked suddenly, making Calum meet her gaze with those brown eyes of his.

He shrugged, averting his gaze for a moment before speaking, “Publicity. It might not get us any more listeners but it’ll get people talkin’.”

They fell into an uncomfortable silence before y/n nodded her head, “Fair enough. I’m gonna get going. Bye.”

And with that, y/n left the room.

  Both y/n and Calum were walking together, hand in hand after a lovely ‘date’ together. It, honestly, was nothing short of awkward. Honestly, they didn’t know what to talk about with one another when they weren’t fighting; something that they became painfully aware of on their trip out that evening.

Calum, despite normally being reserved and quiet in public, actually took the lead in the conversation. Mostly because y/n didn’t know what to say and they knew that they couldn’t sit in silence, especially if someone noticed them and noticed that they didn’t even talk to one another.

It was the first PR date that had been set up, only three days after their meeting discussing the start of their fake relationship. Y/n couldn’t lie, she was incredibly nervous and uncomfortable, her white dress doing nothing to protect her from the cold air nipping at her skin.

As instructed, she was holding onto Calum’s arm, one wrapped around and intertwined with his bicep and the other one clasping their hands together. It’s a strange and awkward movement to uphold, especially when walking but they do it nonetheless.

“Calum, stop going so fast, I can’t keep up properly,” Y/n muttered to him quietly, almost tripping over her own feet when she felt herself getting tugged yet again due to her hold on Calum.

His eyes briefly flicked back to her, “I can’t really help it, y/n. I’m already going as slow as I can.”

“Well sorry I don’t have legs like the BFG like you, I’m trying not to fall ‘cause you keep tugging at me. This dress was not a good move for this,” She grumbled quietly again and Calum doesn’t even reply. Instead, he started walking even faster, “Calum! Slow down!”

She was pulled into a lane by Calum by the time she had finished that sentence, his hands on either side of her arms holding her in place. His broad shoulders are obstructing her from being able to see out of the small alleyway but before she could ask why he did that, he’s shushing her quietly and whispering, “Saw the paps. They saw me, too. It’s time.”

God, he made it sound so dramatic. It wasn’t like they were fighting off any evil spirit or villain, all they had to do was get caught kissing by the paps. It didn’t seem like it was going to be a particularly difficult job, just one they had to execute properly, and right now everything was going pretty smoothly. They just had to make sure that it looked authentic and like they actually wanted to do it.  

He let out a breath he was holding as he looked down at her, asking her silently for permission to start as his fingers went around the back of her neck, thumb resting on her cheek. She nodded her head and he began to lean in, y/n standing on her tip-toes with her arms splayed over Calum’s shoulders woth him bending down and pressing his lips on hers.

They kissed for several moments, taking little breaks in between. No tongue was a rule they had decided on so instead they stuck to closed mouth. On the last peck shared between the two of them, Calum gently pulled away, y/n’s bottom lip trapped between his lips before her feet hit the ground, their lips now completely disconnected.

She, discretely, tried to peek around Calum to see the paps, but couldn’t, so instead, they stayed in that position for a little while longer. Her eyes glanced up at Calum, seeing him still staring down at her, she whispered, “What?”

“Nothing,” He dismissed, shaking his head hesitantly before he took a small step back before putting his hand out for y/n to grab onto. She shot him a smile as she laced their fingers together, tugging him along and out of the alley.

The games had begun.

  It’s only about a week later when y/n was doing her washing as normal in some hotel’s launderette. She had been off of social media for the past few days, paying no mind to the several thousand people talking about her and Calum's 'relationship’. It surely had blown up, and some might say more than they had expected it to. Y/n had accumulated thousands of more followers after the whole fiasco and although she wouldn’t admit it, she enjoyed seeing the fan theories.

Calum had actually been a lot nicer to her recently, something she hadn’t expected, but enjoyed very much. A smile is on her face as she thought about the lack of pranks that he had been playing on her, and sure, he was still irritating her but it was simply with his words. He walked her down to the launderette, before turning to get his own load of dark clothes.

Surprisingly, despite having rather heavy music, y/n owned quite a lot of white clothes. Sure, she mostly wore black, but right now she was washing her white clothes. Well, what were her white clothes...

Now? They’re pink.

She took the wet fabric out of the washer, noticing one of her favorite white dresses is now dyed an ugly pink, one that she knows she won’t pull off. Her eyebrows are furrowed, a frown settling on her face as she tried to pull the clothes out, trying to find the root cause of the problem.

That’s when she found it. A red sock; Calum’s red sock.

Suddenly everything seemed to make sense as to why he was being so nice to her; so he could pull another prank on her when she least expected it. That’s why he had waited behind once she left the launderette, that’s why he seemed so interested in her white, now pink, clothes that she apparently ‘hadn’t washed in a while and should definitely wash’. 

“Calum!” She screamed out in anger, glad for the lack of other people in the small room, clenching her fists around the wet, pink clothes in her hand. They’re all ruined, inconsistent blotches of different shades of pinks coating the fabrics.

It was only seconds later when Calum popped his head up in confusion, “Yeah?”

Except, Y/n didn’t reply, and instead trained her e/c eyes onto his brown ones with a firm glare, one filled with frustration and anger. He, however, hadn’t seen her glare just yet as he surveyed the room before he catches onto her crouched-down figure. She watched as they trailed down to the pink clothes in her hand and he struggles to fight a grin off of his face.

“Thought you were doin’ a white load, y/n/n?” His voice had snide amusement in it and it only made y/n even madder.

However, before she replied, she grabbed onto the red sock of his and threw it at his head, letting out a complaint that sounds more like a whine, “You’ve ruined my favorite dress, asshole!”

“Woah calm down sweetheart, don’t be rude to your boyfriend,” Calum teased, walking around to where y/n was sat, reaching down to ruffle her hair. She quickly swatted his hand away with a grumble.

“Fake. Fake boyfriend, Hood.”

Calum simply rolled his eyes in reply, waving her off, “Yeah, yeah whatever. Enjoy your pink clothes.”

     It was only a week later when management is rushing them to take nice pictures together and becoming Instagram official. Theories are still burning in the air, especially after they were ‘caught’ by paps, kissing, for a second time. Everyone knew something was going on, that much was obvious, but they wanted to hear it from them.

They snapped pictures off stage, the last one being of Calum’s arm over y/n’s shoulder, holding her close to his body with her lips placed on his cheek. Her eyes are closed upon instruction, and he has a bright smile on his face, looking straight at the camera. The photos they snapped were quickly looked over before they’re approved to post on Instagram.

Y/n doesn’t know what to say, and in fact, she’s finding it hard to breathe. It was only fifteen minutes before she had to go on stage for their next concert, and this was the most nervous she had felt in ages. What if she gets hate? What if the whole fandom hated her? She knew that most likely some fangirls would be jealous, that was perfectly understandable, she just hoped no one went far enough to send her tons of hate; especially considering it was fake.

Y/n didn’t like this situation any more than they did but there was nothing she could do about it. Watching over Calum’s shoulder, she saw him press post, and she felt like she couldn’t even breathe. She felt like the air was being restricted from her lungs, and she can’t even bring herself to opening her phone to see people freaking out over the announcement of their ‘relationship’.

“Well, that’s that.” Calum looked at her over his shoulder, letting out a soft sigh as his brown eyes wrack over her face. She’s pale, and she didn’t even seem to hear his as he talked, making his eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Y/n? You good there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” She dismissed quickly, taking a step away from him, wringing her hands awkwardly. She’s nodding her head, but her eyes are firmly set on the ground now and Calum knows that she’s nervous. Sure, the two weren’t close and Calum took enjoyment in annoying her, but he was surprisingly good at telling how she was feeling simply from her body movements.

He hesitated, lips parting as he thought of what to say as he stared at the smaller girl who looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her whole, but after a few moments, his lips snapped shut. He wasn’t good at consoling, especially not her. And even if he did want to try, what could he possibly say?

This situation wasn’t ideal for her. Sure, it got her publicity, but he knew it wasn’t the type that she wanted. She hadn’t been fully introduced to the famous lifestyle yet, articles written about her, fan accounts, everything so he knew this was going to be hard for her. It took him a while to adjust to the lifestyle, and sure things like paps were still uncomfortable but they weren’t scary anymore.

As he stared at her, a frown prominent on his lips, he studied her. He noticed how awkward and uncomfortable she had become from the moment that he had posted the photo, almost as if she was awaiting an attack. He knew it was scary, the paps, the fangirls, and he also knew that this abrupt change in lifestyle from this moment on was going to be difficult for her; so he would make it easier.

He would answer the questions, take the heat about the relationship. He would protect her from all of the nasty comments as best as he could because no one deserved to be flung into the lifestyle like she was being right now, despite wanting publicity. This was a whole new life starting for her from the moment he posted the picture and as he nodded his head discretely, it was like a deal had been sealed with himself.

He was going to help her through this, even if she still hated him.

      It was three hours after the show had taken place and she still hadn’t turned her phone back on yet. She felt sick to her stomach, staring at her phone almost as if it was taunting her; itching for her to open Instagram but at the same time, wanting her to stay far, far away from the app.

Yet, soon enough she found herself booting up her phone and going onto Instagram, almost immediately finding Calum’s photo. She clicked on the comments and was pleasantly surprised. People were actually being supportive.

“omg look at them!!!”

“THEY LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER WTF”

“I want someone to look at me the way Cal looks at Y/n”

That last one made her smile. She knew exactly what picture they were referencing. The one where y/n has her back to the camera in Calum’s embrace, and he’s staring down at her with a smile, arms wrapped around her, pulling her flush against his chest. She remembered her face buried deep into Calum’s shirt, surprised that the makeup she was wearing didn’t rub off on the material.

She was subconsciously shaking her head as she pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on top of them. She flicked back up to the pictures, almost analyzing the way Calum stared down at her. The fan was right, Calum looked at her with so much “love” in his eyes, a look that y/n had never seen on Calum before.

It was crazy. If y/n didn’t know any better she would think that Calum actually was in love with her but the only thing he loved about her, was how annoyed he could get her. Calum was certainly a good actor, looking at her like she was the sun and he was the revolving planets; like the only girl in the entire universe. Well, at least if Calum got bored of music he could go into acting.

They already had everyone fooled, and they were just getting started...

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

here’s 7.1k of Toni pining and Shelby and Toni being childhood friends and also far more character analysis of Rachel than I was expecting? also Marcus is real and I made him a gorgeous himbo. it’s based off that poem by @theycallmedizzy and you can find it here. lmk if you want a second chapter from shelby’s perspective, tho i literally just finished this one. like literally ten minute ago.

Mr. Williams finishes reading the poem and looks over his spectacles at the class. Yes, they’re spectacles, those kind of tiny thick ones that make his eyes too big because he’s much too old to be teaching.

It’s eight am on a Tuesday, Toni walked the three miles to school because she missed the bus only to walk into her shitty honors English class and hear the teacher reading a poem aloud to the class. Her poem. She’d sat down after a momentary pause and listened to him read the final damning stanza.

And then he looks at Toni.

He reads her essays right? What if he recognizes her writing voice? Is that a thing? Or maybe her handwriting or—

“Toni, I was just explaining to the class that whoever wrote this should submit it to the state literature festival,” Mr. Williams says, Toni almost sags against her chair. “I was hoping someone would come forward,” He turns back to the class, eyes hovering over Quinn and Monty, two of the more sensitive guys who sit in the back and ruin the curve for everyone. “But I’ll leave it on the board here,” he clacks it on with a magnet and Toni flinches, “and hopefully someone will come forward. Now onto today’s lesson.”

After class Martha goes up to the board and takes a picture of it, her eyes a little starry at the words and Toni grits her teeth.

“You have to admit it’s pretty,” Martha says. “Even you can’t deny that.”

“It’s dumb,” Toni says flatly, crossing her arms.

“Well I’m keeping it anyway, maybe someday someone will write a poem about me,” Martha says.

“How do you know it’s not about you?” Shelby asks coming out of nowhere and uninvited too. Toni glares at her, letting her open disdain shine through like sunshine through clouds after a gully washer.

“No guys notice me,” Martha informs Shelby sadly. “I bet Andrew wrote it for you.”

Shelby purses her lips and looks over the poem, “I doubt it. He’s more of a doer, I think. Besides, I’m sure that guys notice you, you went on a date with that boy Sam last month.”

Martha sighs and before she can launch into what a disaster that date was, Toni tightens her hands around her backpack.

“I’ll see you in science,” She tells Martha and manages to escape Shelby’s eyes burning at the back of her neck.

———

reasons not to kiss her

1.) this sort of love is not allowed. you are both too soft, and the world around you is all knives and chipped teeth

Toni had played about every sport she was allowed to growing up. Basketball was her favorite, but she loved beat it ball, the game she made up with the other kids in the neighborhood. It was basketball but without rules, devolving into fist fights within the first half. Nothing tasted better than her own bloody lip on a hot summer day. Not even the cool glass of lemonade Mrs. Blackburn always had ready when she ran all skinned knees to Martha’s telling her about how she beat guys two years older than her.

She got angry when she had to stop playing, moving to a different neighborhood. Apparently, Mrs. Blackburn had figured out that she wasn’t only getting her split lip from the older kids in the neighborhood.

The new foster parents were a little stricter, a little richer, and signed her up for youth soccer when she complained about how there was nothing to do without beat it ball.

Martha Blackburn would always be her person, but Toni didn’t expect to find her people so young. Dottie killed as goalie, and Becca’s sweetness made her defense all the better. But it was Shelby and Toni who were the dynamic duo. Toni had a never ending amount of energy as a midfielder and Shelby’s precision made her the perfect striker. It worked the same way every game, Becca would kick it to Toni, who got it to Shelby, who scored a goal. It got to the point that Becca didn’t even need to do much and the coach had to pull Toni aside to tell her to pass to the other girls too.

At the end of the season they sat together at the team party, wearing orange slice smiles. With sticky fingers they held hands and Toni kinda wondered how someone’s eyes could be so green.

Toni doesn’t remember why Shelby’s parents were so angry about them holding hands, but she knows Mr. Goodkind talked to her foster parents and Toni was off to a different home, in a different district, and she lost even Martha for a few months.

———

At lunch everyone’s talking about that fucking poem. Martha sent it around to the whole school and Leah is discussing its merits with Rachel and Nora. Even they don’t seem bored with the topic, though Nora is sure Quinn didn’t write it.

“It could be Monty,” Leah says. “I wouldn’t have thought he had an eye for this stuff.”

“I don’t think it’s Monty,” Rachel says. She looks at Nora, “C’mon, you know what I’m talking about, right?”

“What?” Nora asks.

“I mean it smells like Anna Akhmatova had a baby with Adrienne Rich,” Rachel says.

“Who had a baby with who?” Martha asks.

“Please,” Fatin says. “You’re not exactly the world’s leading expert on free form poetry.”

“Uh, I know when something’s written by a girl,” Rachel says. “I bet you fifty bucks some closet case wrote this.”

Everyone looks at Toni. “You caught me,” Toni deadpans.

“Rachel’s right,” Nora says. “A girl definitely wrote this. Toni, do you know anyone?”

Toni glares at her. “I’ll shake the lesbian phone tree and see what comes out.”

“Well, could it be Regan?” Martha asks. “Maybe she wants to—”

“It’s not fucking Regan,” Toni grabs her books and stalks out, kicking a chair randomly strewn around away as she did.

She hears Shelby sit down just as she leaves, “What’s got her madder than a baptized cat?” Shelby asks and Toni rolls her eyes.

———

2.) no one ever taught you how to love. your war paint and scarred hands could never hold her like she deserves

The worst of it was that Shelby was gentle. Her hands were warm and soft around Toni’s callouses, and there was a crinkle between her eyebrows as she focused on Toni’s hands. No, the worst of it was that Shelby didn’t let go of Toni’s hands when she finished, kept holding onto them as she met Toni’s eyes.

“Well?”

Toni swallowed hard, “I’m not gonna apologize.”

Shelby sighed, her thumb traced little circles around Toni’s hands. “I know today ain’t easy for you.” Toni scoffed and looked away. “But you know you were pickin' a fight. Andrew promised to leave you alone.”

Toni ripped her hands away and jumped from the bench of the locker room. “What the fuck do you know? You weren’t fucking there.”

Shelby’s calm only made Toni’s anger redder, “You ain’t denying it.”

“Why the fuck are you dating him? He’s a self-satisfied little asshole who just wants a little trophy girlfriend to—”

“Toni,” Shelby cut her off sharply and got to her feet, meeting Toni’s eyes.

“You’re not denying that either,” Toni spat.

She could’ve screamed at the hypocrisy. She wanted to scream. She wanted to pound her fists against the walls and bleed all over the bandages Shelby wrapped around her knuckles. She wanted to hurt, to make Shelby hurt. She wanted everyone to see and feel how hurt she was, and hurt them with that hurt. Finally level the playing field.

“Andrew is my business,” Shelby said. “Not yours.”

“He becomes my business when you—”

“When I what?” Shelby asked.

Toni looked at her hands, “Never mind.”

Shelby sighed, “Martha’s helping you move in today, right? Shel’ll be there the whole time?”

“Don’t pretend you give a shit.”

“Of course I care. The last time you lived with your mom you didn’t eat for a week.”

“I was five, not fifteen,” Toni said. “And seriously, stop pretending you give a shit.”

She shoulder checked Shelby as she walked out and winced at the sound of Shelby hitting the gym lockers. Her hands still sting where Andrew’s teeth had scrapped them.

———

Regan approaches Toni during science, her eyes serious. Martha straightens, and Toni does her best not to make eye contact.

“It’s not mine,” Regan says.

“Yeah duh,” Toni mutters.

Regan frowns, “I just—I didn’t want you to—”

“You made it perfectly clear what you want,” Toni says.

Regan sighs and leaves and Toni regrets it.

“Shelby thinks it’s Marcus,” Martha tells her. Toni blinks up at her and Martha nods. “She thinks he wrote it for me.”

“Martha, that kid is dumber than a box of rocks,” Toni says.

Martha furrows her brow, “Maybe he has hidden depths.”

“If you think it’s him ask him out,” Toni says.

“Shelby thinks it’s him,” Martha is quick to correct. “But he doesn’t even know who I am.”

Toni rolls her eyes. Marcus had been in love with Martha since the ninth grade. They had gotten placed as lab partners and he literally didn’t take his eyes off her the entire time. Every time there was a dance he would always look like he was about to say something, shoot his shot, when Martha would loudly proclaim she couldn’t wait to go with her friends.

Toni would’ve pulled the guy aside and told him to grow a pair, but a guy who’s not brave enough to go after what he wants wasn’t good enough for her Marty, not by a long shot.

“Rachel still thinks a girl wrote it,” Martha says.

“Maybe Rachel wrote it,” Toni mutters.

Martha’s eyes light up.

———

3.) no one has ever loved you this full surely you would drown in it all

Being a lifeguard was the worst. It was super boring, the pay was shit, and also Toni would probably get someone killed. Like, they pretended she was CPR certified but she absolutely had no idea how to do it. She went to some hour long course, slept through it, took a test that was just: should you kill people? And then they wrote some bullshit on some papers about a three week long set of classes.

But Shelby was tanned and golden looking and on their shifts they’d text back and forth about which kids they were betting on to win sharks and minnows. Tweenage boys in all their adolescent infancy would gaze open mouthed at Shelby and Toni alike but Shelby was the only one who let them down gently. Toni would ruin them for girls forever with something enough to cut through even the thickest skin.

On the fourth of July the pool paid for fireworks and Toni found a blanket and Shelby found her and they sat watching the reflections of the lights together. Shelby rested her head on Toni’s shoulder, all gentle, like she was afraid Toni would spook.

“I know this ain’t much of a holiday for you,” Shelby said. “But thank you for spending it with me.”

She had her hand on the blanket, splayed out like she was waiting for Toni to take it, there in front of everyone. Toni imagined a world in which she did.

———

“Yeah it’s not me,” Rachel says. “I wish I could write that good.”

Which is such bullshit because Toni knows Rachel could say well if she wanted to. Rachel’s weird inferiority complex about Nora pisses off Toni to no end. Nora’s the smart one, Rachel will be the first to say, and Rachel’s the athletic one. But Nora has a six minute mile and Rachel has perfect pitch so Toni hates them both.

“Maybe it’s Dot,” Toni suggests and Rachel, Nora, and Martha snicker.

Out of all of them, Martha’s the best driver, but they always end up in Rachel’s car after school anyway.

“Most of the school seems to think it’s by Andrew,” Nora says. Toni’s fists clench.

“Yeah,” Rachel rolls her eyes, “I’m sure he would love to take the credit. C’mon Toni, you don’t know any lesbians who could’ve written this?”

“You’re a lesbian too,” Toni says. “You don’t know any?”

“I don’t have a life outside of the pool,” Rachel says, “and none of them have picked up a book since Hop on Pop.”

“Regan says it wasn’t her,” Martha cuts in helpfully. “But maybe it’s another kid in theatre. Shelby says—”

“Oh my god,” Toni grits out. “What is everyone’s deal with her anyway? Why is everyone still obsessed with her? She’s just another basic Jesus bitch.”

The car goes quiet and Toni wishes she could melt into her seat cushion.

“I didn’t mean that,” Toni says.

“Except you did,” Martha snaps.

Toni winces.

“What’s your deal with her?” Rachel asks. “You guys were fine last year.”

“Quinn says there’s a poetry club,” Nora says. “Maybe it’s someone there?”

No one takes the bait and they don’t talk the rest of the way.

———

4.) she belongs in a museum, and you are merely here to gaze. look around you, all the signs scream ‘do not touch’

“Shelby?”

Toni grabbed the shoulder of the girl and pulled her away from Marcus. Shelby was bruised lips and ruined make up and Toni took her by the hand. Thank god Martha wasn’t here, thank god Andrew wasn’t here, thank god Marcus looked just as trashed.

“Toni?” Shelby sorta stumbled, her ankle twisting painfully on her heel and Toni steadied her.

Shelby could do a cartwheel in six inch heels.

“I’m gonna get you home, okay?” Toni called over the music.

Shelby didn’t really respond, just leant into Toni as she led her away and outside. The party had spilled into the backyard and front yard some, the cops probably already on their way, but everyone was too fucking hammered to notice them making their way out.

Shelby’s house was only about a twenty minute walk but it was cold and Toni was only wearing her basketball shorts and her mom’s jacket that she promptly put over Shelby’s shoulders.

“Are you still—” Shelby swallowed hard, “You’re still living with your mom?”

“Mostly with Martha,” Toni said.

“Martha’s great,” Shelby said. “She’s so pretty it makes my eyes hurt.”

“One of our finest,” Toni grunted as Shelby nearly fell on her heels again.

“She could be a model,” Shelby told her. “We should get waffle house.”

“Shelbs, we’re nowhere near a waffle house.”

“What was Becca’s order? At waffle house?”

Toni sighed, looping an arm around her. “I dunno.”

“Neither do I,” Shelby said.

“I’m sorry, Shelby,” Toni said.

Shelby shook her head and stopped right there, circling her arms around Toni and pressing her into a hug. Toni closed her eyes, holding her back as tightly as she dared.

“Oh, Shelby, I’m so fucking sorry.”

———

“Day two!” Mr. Williams calls. He taps the poem again, “I will investigate the handwriting if the poet doesn’t come forward by Friday. I know it’s someone in one of my classes.”

His eyes narrow as he takes them all in and his eyes don’t linger on Toni. Not even for a moment.

There’s a part of her that wants to march up to the front of the room and write her name down, make eye contact with everyone who never even considered her before. But no one expects shit from her, and even if he does go over the handwriting he won’t really be able to pin it on her. He might not even bother checking to see if it matches.

Toni tries not to jump when Marcus takes the seat in front of her during quant lit. It’s not like they have assigned seating but everyone sticks to the same seats anyway. Marcus won’t get shit for it though, perks of being the quarterback.

“So, listen,” he scratches the back of his head and Toni rolls her eyes at him. “I know we aren’t really friends but I—um.”

“Marcus,” Toni says.

“I wanna ask Martha out,” Marcus rushes out. “She’s like the nicest, smartest, coolest girl in the school and like her eyes are out of this world radical.” Radical? “And I would take her somewhere nice like Olive Garden. Or Cheesecake Factory? And pay for it, and open all the doors for her, and I’d carry her books to class—”

“On your date? This is happening during school?” Toni asks.

His eyebrows furrow as he tries to connect the dots. Football players.

“Oh no! I meant like, after, if she wants me to,” He says. “Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Can I ask her out?”

Toni blinks at him. “What?”

“My buddy said if you want to get with a girl you get close to the best friend first, and I figured I’d ask you for your blessing because that’s what they do in old fashioned stuff right?” He bounces up in down in his seat. “Can I? Or like, do you wanna give me your blessing?”

She feels like she’s having an aneurysm.

Listen, Marcus having feelings for Martha is one thing. Everyone on the planet who’s ever met Martha falls a little in love with her. That’s kinda just how she operates. Toni narrowly avoided that pitfall by being lucky enough to know her since she was five, but it was a tough time. But Marcus was never gonna act on it. Marcus can’t—he’s the quarterback.

It’s basic math, Marcus is a six foot five football player with shoulders wide enough to bench press the Subaru Forrester Toni’s legally required to buy when she turns thirty-two. He’s got that all American boy smile that shows of perfectly white teeth, and dark hair that sweeps in front of his eyes. His face looks like it was sculpted out of marble, like literally he looks like some sort of roman god, except if that roman god volunteered at the humane society on the weekends and called his mom Mami.

Martha is a res girl who’s best friend is the dyke with anger issues. And like yeah, she’s stupid pretty, but Marcus has exclusively dated varsity cheerleaders since the seventh grade.

So yeah, even if Marcus may have feelings for Marty, everyone fucking does, and there’s a host of reasons why she doesn’t have a date to every dance and a new guy every week. And most of them are the cliche high school movie hierarchy sort.

“It’s really none of my business, man,” she says.

“Dude, it’s totally your business,” Marcus says. He leans closer, “you two are like sisters right? What do I gotta do to prove I’m not gonna hurt her? I’ll do your math homework for a month, no two months.”

A thought occurs to Toni and it’s a terrible one. But when has that ever stopped her?

“You’re in my honors English class right?”

Marcus’s face screws in, “Uh, yeah. But I don’t think you want me doing your homework in there, I’m like totally failing.”

“I have a better idea.”

———

5.) she touches you like youre fragile, and if you break you wont be able put yourself together again

Dot was asleep which was Toni’s first indication that something was deeply wrong. The second was that Shelby wasn’t. She was definitely trying her darnedest, but Toni could tell she was awake. Awake in her arms.

Toni shifted, just enough to let Shelby know she was awake too. The movie was some horror flick, something dumb and flashy and almost muted it was so quiet. It was the only thing rated R that they could all agree on. Dot’s house was the only place they were allowed to watch anything rated R when they were still thirteen, so it was all they watched there.

She felt Shelby shift up, so her head rested on Toni’s chest, shifted until her lips met Toni’s clavicle.

Toni wondered if she’d die.

Shelby went up instead of down, pressing kisses up the length of Toni’s neck, soft barely there things that made Toni’s breath catch as she watched Dot snore on the couch next to them.

Toni’s hands moved to the inside of Shelby’s thighs and they stared there, tracing delicate patterns that only made Shelby curl closer.

“I think you’re probably the most beautiful girl I ever saw,” Shelby whispered.

“I—”

“I’m not done.”

Toni’s mouth clamped shut.

“I think about you all the time,” Shelby whispered. “Even when I—”

“Shelby,” Toni warned. Shelby pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“You’re right,” Shelby said.

Neither of them slept that night.

———

Toni walks into class three minutes late with Mr. Williams, and takes her seat with a sulk.

“He still won’t let me redo that paper,” Toni mutters to Martha who’s eyes are wide.

“Toni, Marcus just—” She nods her head at the poem where Mr. Williams is studying it too.

“Marcus Gonzales?” Mr. Williams asks.

Marcus gets to his feet.

“You wrote this?”

“Yessir.”

“This poem right here?”

“Yessir.”

Mr. Williams blinks and takes off his spectacles, setting them down on the desk. “We’ll talk after class. I should hope everyone has a copy of—”

“I wrote it for Martha,” Marcus doesn’t sit down and the entire class stares at him.

“—Franny and Zooey and I would like you all to turn to page 52. Begin by annotating—”

“Martha, can I take you out on a date?” Marcus asks.

“—this first section, and on to page 64. Remember what Seymour serves as in—”

Martha blushes hard and glances at Toni who smiles before she looks back at Marcus in all his golden boy 6’5” glory.

“Um, okay,” she mutters out and he grins.

“Cool.” Marcus finally sits and gives Toni a thumbs up. She rolls her eyes.

“—this story and compare that to his roles in the other parts of the work we’ve read.”

“I told you it was for you, girl,” Shelby says on Martha’s other side. “People always have a way of surprising you.”

———

6.) she is all bubblegum skies and chapped stick kisses, and you cannot watch the love run out of another persons eyes

They were all a little bit slap happy by the end of the night. A little bit drunk, a little bit high, and laughing far too hard at one another.

“I’m scared,” Shelby told them, still grinning wider than any pageant smile.

“Girl, you picked dare,” Fatin said.

“I did,” Shelby bit her lip. “But all y’all dared Leah to do was finish the vodka.”

“That was—that was bad vodka,” Leah slurred from her position on Dot’s lap.

“But now we’re out of vodka,” Martha sang. “You picked dare.”

“I’ll go with you,” Toni got to her feet, surprised when they were more steady than she assumed they’d be. “Two chairs right?”

“Alright,” Shelby said. “And you’ll hold my hand?”

“Sure princess,” Toni rolled her eyes.

It was an office supply place, probably. The parking lot had this killer decline, and it was one of those spring nights where nothing could really ruin anything. Not forever.

The rolling chairs were kinda gross, left there but not yet picked up by the garbage men. They had to do a special pickup for that, which costed extra. No one in the office had done it for the weeks the girls had been going there after parties.

“Be careful,” Nora urged.

“Don’t fall,” Rachel suggested.

“Hold on, I’m not recording yet,” Fatin said. “Okay now go.”

They pushed off in their rolling chairs, holding hands, and sped down the decline laughing as they barely managed to hold on and steer at the same time.

Toni went flying as she bumped into a patch of grass and for some reason, Shelby went flying with her, landing on top. Toni grunted, but she wasn’t in pain, not really.

They met eyes.

“Sorry,” Shelby said. She didn’t sound sorry.

“You okay?” Toni asked.

Shelby smiled, this real soft thing, Toni wondered what it’d taste like.

“Fuck yeah bitches! I’m so putting that on snapchat!” Fatin screamed and Shelby pulled away, turning white.

“God if this is you in in freshman year, I’m terrified of you as a senior,” Toni called back.

Shelby’s hand slipped out of her’s and Toni tried very very hard not to overthink it.

———

“So I’ve been thinking,” Leah said. Toni took her gym bag out of her locker, pretty much the only thing she kept in there.

“Oh no.”

“Rachel was right about that poem being written by a girl,” Leah continued. “Which meant Marcus lied. And Marcus would never do that unless someone gave him permission to take credit. And since Marcus lied so he could ask Martha out that means the person who wrote the poem wanted Martha to be happy.”

Toni swallowed hard and tried not to fumble with the lock, stumbling with it.

“Toni,” Leah walked over to her. “You need to face the facts: Shelby’s into you.”

Toni blinked, “What?”

“She wrote that whole poem for you, don’t tell me you don’t see it. It’s about you!”

“She—” Toni stopped and furrowed her brow, finally making eye contact with Leah, “You think she wrote that poem for me?”

Leah nodded, “And she let Marcus take the credit. Listen, I know I’m right. I’ve been thinking about it for ages. Whatever fight the two of you had—you need to get over it. She’s into you, Toni. She’s been into you.”

“You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about,” Toni told her. “Seriously, fuck you Leah and fuck off. This is none of your fucking business.”

“You aren’t denying it,” Leah crowed. “Shelby likes you.”

“No she fucking doesn’t!” Toni spat at her. “She fucking hates me! She didn’t write that poem Marcus did! For Martha!”

Leah’s brow furrowed, “But… but you wanted her to. Didn’t you?”

Toni looked away.

“Shelby’s actually straight, isn’t she?” Leah asked. “Fuck Toni.”

“I’m happy for Martha,” Toni said, and marched away.

———

7.) if you jump, she might catch you, and then youd have to watch as she tumbled through the dark

“What if we ran away?” Shelby asked, which was Toni’s third indication that the punch was spiked.

The first two were her arms wrapped around Toni’s waist, swaying in the soft breeze to the distant music of Junior prom.

“Oh yeah?” Toni asked. “Where’d we go?”

“Peru,” Shelby said. “Or LA, or New York or—” Shelby sort of trailed off, losing her thought halfway through it.

“Our parents,” Toni pointed out. She’d moved in with Martha a few months ago but her mom had taken it as a wakeup call, promising to get her shit back together as soon as she could. Toni couldn’t help but believe her, even if it put her in stasis.

“Right,” Shelby sounded cold, “Our parents.”

“Are things worse with them?” Toni asked.

“No,” Shelby said. “The same, really. They’ve lightened up since—since Becca. Have you heard from your mom?”

“Every week or so,” Toni said. “And if you ever need a break you know—“

“Martha is happy to have me,” Shelby finished.

Toni smiled and pulled away enough to meet Shelby’s eyes, her hands slid from behind Shelby’s neck to either side.

“Did I tell you you look beautiful tonight?” Toni asked.

“You did,” Shelby said.

“Can I say it again?”

“You can.”

“You look beautiful tonight.” Shelby closed her eyes and Toni tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “You’re gonna get out, you know that right?”

Shelby nodded, leaning into Toni’s hand.

Later, Toni will learn that was one of two lies Shelby told that night.

———

Martha gets home at 11:30, exactly when Marcus promised, and Toni smiles as her sister collapses backwards into her bed.

“Toni,” she actually giggles, giggles like a little school girl. “It was amazing.”

“Where’d you go?” Toni asks.

“Olive Garden, I think he was trying to win points with you,” Martha says.

“As he should,” Toni nods.

“He was the perfect gentleman,” Martha swoons. She rolls onto her stomach and looks at Toni and oh god, Toni knows that look. “He did tell me something about you, though.”

“Oh yeah? How I’m better in quant lit than him?” Toni asks.

“He told me you wrote the poem,” she says.

Toni looks away, “Okay, and?”

“You told me you were over Regan,” Martha says.

“It’s complicated,” Toni decides. “And whatever. I wrote it awhile ago anyway.”

“Have you thought about submitting it to that contest Mr. Williams was talking about?” Martha asks.

“Can we go back to talking about your date with Prince Charming?” Toni says. Martha acquiesces, she’s too damn giddy to do anything else.

———

8.) her gaze is too gentle. you will not be the one to tell her that not everything can be fixed with a smile

“Toni,” Dot began, and Toni could tell she was looking at her. “Toni, is Shelby—is she gay?”

Toni snickered, “Dot, Shelby is possibly the biggest straight girl in our school. Maybe our state. She’d sooner give herself a buzzcut than she would ever even kiss a girl."

“Andrew said Shelby got a job as a counselor at this church camp—Guiding Light—in Plano,” Dot said. “I wanted to find the address so I could write to her and it’s a conversion camp.”

The breath left Toni’s body.

“What?”

“And I got to thinking,” Dot said. “About what a mess she was after Becca died this year. Ignoring us, going to all those parties, signing up for a crazy number of pageants. Hell, it was only once you two started talking that she talked to us again.”

“Stop it, Dot.”

“Toni is Shelby gay?”

“Dot,” Toni said.

“Because if she’s gay, if she’s not there as a camp counselor—Toni, did you know about this?”

“Of course not! Jesus!” Toni said. She jumped to her feet and started to pace, “Jesus Christ. Oh my god.”

“Toni is Shelby gay?”

Toni looked at Dot and Dot sighed, her entire body sagging.

“What do we do?” Toni asked.

Dot, her solid, steady, friend since fucking youth soccer was silent.

“Dot, what do we do?”

“Dot, what the fuck do we do?”

———

Shelby finds her before school, Toni smoking like she hasn’t since ninth grade when Bernice gave her a stern lecture about lung cancer. It made Toni cry, actually. Not because it was so stern but because Martha and Toni had been separated for three years and Bernice still cared enough to get angry with her. She promised then and there to stop, and each drag she took now makes her feel like she’s committing treason.

“Smokin’ kills,” Shelby tells her, like they didn’t all go to Dot’s dad’s funeral last year.

Toni takes another drag, just to watch Shelby roll her eyes.

“How’d Martha’s date go last night?” Shelby asks.

Toni glares, “Seriously? You avoid me all year and now you’re asking about Martha’s date?” Shelby looks away. “It went fine. Whatever.”

“I just—I was surprised Marcus wrote that poem is all.”

“You literally said multiple times you thought it was him,” Toni says.

“I know, I know but—”

“Still holding out hope for Andrew?” Toni sneers. “Marcus may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he cares about Martha. Even a fucking idiot could write a half decent poem if they had someone worth writing about.”

Shelby meets her eyes and Toni’s breath catches.

“Know a lot about poetry, Toni?”

Fuck fuck fuck.

Toni flicks the only half used cigarette away. “I have to go to class,” She says, aware it’s just about the worst thing she can do.

Shelby doesn’t even need the last word, she’s aware she’s already won.  

———

9.) she is so good. she is so good, and you cannot ruin one more good thing

It hadn’t been the first time Toni found her mom overdosed on the couch, but it’d been the most terrifying. Toni had waited in the school parking lot for a pick up for twenty minutes before Shelby had offered her a ride.

When they trooped inside, after having to use the key Tamera kept tucked away in a loose brick, her mom had been passed out on the couch. And the stupid thing had been that Toni had known her mom hadn’t been doing great. Like she’d known Tamera had lost her job, and was close to losing the car, that the pain in her back had been getting worse again from stress. Toni had known that.

But for some stupid, naive reason, Toni had never thought she’d pull this, go back to who she was.

Her tolerance was low, the doctors had told her, because she’d been clean for so long. She hadn’t realized it and had taken more than she could handle.

Shelby had taken the three of them to the hospital, helped carry Toni’s drooling mother into the ER, and held Toni’s hand until the other girls showed up, who she texted to come.

Shelby had been there when the police and social services came to talk to her about going back into foster care. Shelby had never left her side.

Toni couldn’t help but contrast that to the Shelby she saw now. The Shelby who showed up for senior year was barely christian, barely anything, just sort of blank and empty and waiting to grow up so she could have daughters that'd also wait to grow up so that they could have daughters that’d also wait to grow up so that they could have daughters that’d also

Shelby didn’t even look at her, for the first week of senior year she didn’t even look at Toni. She talked with Martha in that faux friendly way, she passed off on lunch invitations to do school work and Toni felt like she was going insane.

Sometimes she would just stare at the back of Shelby’s head in English class, writing whatever gibberish came to mind, and not listening to Mr. Williams at all. Just stare, for forty-five minutes, at a girl who wouldn’t even make eye contact, Toni’s pencil moving rapidly as she barely even glanced at the words her hands produced.

On the last day of the semester Toni finally looked away and came to two realizations:

a. Her mother was never getting better. Not really. b. Toni had written P E R U over forty times in her notebook.

As quietly as she could she tore the page out, and maybe about fifteen pages behind it, filled with similar drivel and recycled them at the end of class.

When the next semester started the seats were changed and something she’d written that she barely remembered was on the board.

Her mother was still in rehab.

———

Toni watches Marcus carry Martha’s backpack to class and watches as Martha giggles at him, argues with him. She is literally so happy it makes Toni’s heart burst.

“Shelby’s quite the matchmaker, huh?” Fatin asks.

Toni looks at her.

“Leah told me,” Fatin explains.

Toni rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what I said too,” Fatin says. “Leah’s good at noticing things but putting the pieces together is not her strong suit. So I called Dorothy.”

This makes Toni’s shoulders tense and Fatin wraps an arm around them.

“Dorothy didn’t want to talk but what she didn’t say was enough.” Fatin sighs, “I’m all for a little drama but this is cutting into my me time.”

“What going from twenty-four hours a day to twenty-three and a half?” Toni asks.

“God forbid,” Fatin nods sagely. “I didn’t know you could write.”

“I can’t.”

“Clearly not.”

Toni slips out from under her arm, and follows Martha into class. Mr. Williams glares as she comes in and Toni realizes if Marcus came clean to Martha he definitely came clean to Mr. Williams. At least the poem is off the board.

When he passes out papers from a recent essay her’s has a “see me after class” sticker that makes Toni slide down in her seat. Martha doesn’t even notice enough to give her an odd look because she and Shelby are yukking it up about the quarterback.

When everyone files out she hangs back and he looks at her, over his spectacles.

“I’m disappointed,” he says at last.

Toni scoffs.

“You write essays based off spark notes, you never participate, and half the time you don’t even do the homework. But you write this.” He slides the crumpled paper over his desk, her poem shining back at her. “So all I can conclude is that you’re lazy.”

Yeah, obviously.

“Why did you have Marcus tell everyone he wrote it?” Mr. Williams asks.

“So he could ask out Martha.”

“He didn’t need to have written the poem to do that,” Mr. Williams says.

“Can I go?” Toni asks.

“I want to submit this poem to a contest, I want you to start trying in this class, and this,” he hands her a slip of paper with about twenty sets of numbers on it, “is a list of Dickinson poems I want you to read by next week. Pick at least three to write me at least a page about. Single spaced.”

“What?” Toni asks, “You can’t make me do that.”

“I know half the kids in this class write off spark notes, I can easily have them all—including you—fail. So yes, yes I can actually.” He takes off his spectacles and Toni glares at him. “You’re a smart kid, Toni. You’ve got a talent for this.”

Toni shakes her head, “I’m a one hit wonder.”

“You know Britney Spears said the same thing after Baby One More Time.”

“That’s not true,” Toni says.

“Yeah,” Mr. Williams says. “Because she kept working at it.”

And Toni takes the slip of paper with the numbers on it, and marches to her next class and he watches her the whole way, not bothering to put on his stupid spectacles.

———

10.) you will not watch her crumble under the weight of your sins. she is too light, too breathless to be caught up in the dizziness of your heart

Dot didn’t invite them all to the funeral but they came anyway, even Shelby who Toni knew had been waffling back and forth.

Some of his army friends showed up, a doctor or two, and Mateo—the hot nurse Dot steadily ignored. It was a small and quiet service, and the seven of them sat towards the back, holding steady for her.

There was too much on Dot’s shoulders, there always had been, but she didn’t look any freer now that the burden was lifted. She just looked scared, small, and sad.

Toni couldn’t help but wonder if that was what she’d look like, if she got the call about her mom. It was a terribly selfish thought but who could blame her?

Shelby’s hands interlocked with hers, in broad daylight, and stayed there for the entire day. When Toni met her eyes she saw pure terror reflected back at her.

God, were they really only seventeen?

———

Rachel is complaining at lunch about owing Nora five bucks, how she was so sure some closet case wrote the poem but it’s no surprise Nora got it right.

Fatin and Leah don’t contribute and Martha probably wouldn’t have either except she was eating lunch with Marcus, they had found their own little table and were smiling at one another.

“They’re certainly cute together,” Shelby says, glancing back at Martha and Marcus.

“I say it’s weird they have the same name,” Rachel says.

“Says the girl who dated a guy named Raymond,” Nora says.

Rachel throws a straw wrapper at him, “That was a phase and you know it.”

“Marcus is sweet,” Shelby says. “If anyone deserves someone sweet it’s Martha.”

“Don’t you think he’s a little,” Leah trailed off and they all looked at her. “You know a little…”

“Spit it out, Leah,” Rachel says.

“Like the porch lights on but no one’s home?” Leah says.

“Martha is smart enough for the both of them,” Toni says. “And thank god because I was sick of doing his homework in quant lit.”

“That’s literally the easiest math class there is,” Fatin says and Toni shrugs.

“What’s that?” Shelby asks, pointing at the yellow slip sticking out of Toni’s binder.

“Some extra credit stuff, from Williams. Apparently I’m not doing so hot in that class,” Toni says.

Rachel leans way over from the other end of the table. “What is that, Dickinson?”

“It’s a list of numbers,” Shelby says. “Why would it be Dickinson?”

“All of Dickinson’s poems were numbered. It was only after she died that other people named them,” Nora says.

“And Nora said it so you know it’s true,” Rachel smirks.

“Join the fucking club,” Dot says to Toni. “I don’t know why y’all didn’t take non-honors English twelve with me. We just sit around and talk about whatever football game was on the most recently.”

“Well I’ve never liked football so.” Toni gets up, “I’ve gotta talk to my science teacher. I’ll see you guys after school.”

“I’ll go with you,” Shelby smiles and Toni clenches her jaw. “Ms. Roberts said I needed to rework my psych paper.”

“See you guys,” Rachel says and as they leave she’s arguing with Dot about why football is stupid and Toni can feel Fatin’s eyes on her all the way out.

———

reasons to kiss her

1.) she loves you, and her eyes are closed, and didnt your mother ever tell you not to leave a good thing waiting

Toni hated the magnet program kids at her middle school. Like everyone not in their cluster she found them annoying, rich, and privileged as fuck. They only hung out with each other and it was clear they’d never give—

———

“Toni?”

The stair well is empty, it’s the short cut through the language hallway and no one goes there during lunch.

Toni is working hard on ignoring Shelby but is forced to turn around when Shelby stops halfway up.

“Ms. Roberts doesn’t need me to rework my psych paper.”

Toni stares at her.

Shelby takes a step up, one step closer to Toni.

“I had hoped maybe you wrote it for Regan,” Shelby says.

“No such luck,” Toni croaks out.

“That’s a lot of reasons not to kiss someone,” Shelby says. “You’d think if you really shouldn’t kiss someone you’d only need the one.” She takes another step up, until they’re only separated by a few inches.

“I guess,” Toni says.

“Are you really gonna keep me waiting?” Shelby says.

Toni blinks, “You mean you still—”

“I have to do everything myself,” Shelby says.

She kisses her.

[oya-noya04-archived]

i cannot get boy group seijoh out of my head 😔😔 may i request boy group seijoh with you as their manager ? maybe you telling them their schedule and they flirt a little with you ? 🌸

idol seijoh flirting with manager

characters : oikawa, iwaizumi, matsukawa, hanamaki / gender neutral reader

a/n : 😳 i am looking👁👁 oh my,, I would die for boy group seijoh 😭 hope you enjoy this !! I based it off of kpop groups bc that’s what I’m comfy doing🥺 hope that’s okie !! 💕

gif credit : @/casisonabender

»»————-　➴　————-««

tooru oikawa

position : leader (but none of the other members respect him, oop- 😗), maknae, visuals, lead vocalist

you try your best to avoid oikawa’s flirty gaze that lay on you as you tried to explain his schedule

you had already explained it to the other members when tooru was taking photos with a couple of fangirls

all these fans, but he only had eyes on you SDFUYGH Oh god- that was sOoO cheesy

“Uh.. oikawa-san, so you guys have a show on-” your breath hitches when he leans closer to you

“Hmm.. interesting,” he pretends to check the schedule in your hand thoroughly but never actually making an effort to check it out by himself, leaving you there to hold the paper for him

“Um, oikawa-san-”

“oh! look here y/n-chan! It says i’m free here!”

“Yes, if you would let me finish-”

“what do you say we go out for some takoyaki? hm? my treat!” he winks, throwing you a peace sign

“oi! Oikawa! we’re starting soon!” iwaizumi calls out, tooru smirks before leaning in to give you a peck on your left cheek

then proceeding to wink and follow iwaizumi on the stage, leaving you a flustered mess

hajime iwaizumi

position : main rapper, lead dancer,

this rapper, is not one for flirting

he’s prefers to show the person who has feelings for, that he cares for them

offering them his jacket, making sure they’re eating and drinking water, checking in on them, offering his food,

and you couldn’t help but notice he has done all of those things to you at one point

so, as you stood at the backstage with iwaizumi’s jacket wrapped around you, you thought about what it’d be like if you were to date hajime

but as the scenarios raced through your mind, the boys were finally done their interview

“something wrong, y/n-san?” a voice snaps you out of your daydreams and you glance up to see iwaizumi, a water bottle in one hand

“ y e s “

“hm? oh! y-yeah..” you laugh, rubbing the back of your neck sheepishly, making iwaizumi raise a brow, but he decided to let it go

“so um, about the schedule-”

“is that my jacket you’re wearing?” he asks, eyeing you up and down

you froze in your tracks, that’s right, technically you didn’t ask for his jacket

in your defence,,, he’d always say yes whenever you shyly asked for it

“sorry! I didn’t- I mean, I forgot to ask,” you apologise, frantically attempting to take his jacket off immediately

his arm stops you, “don’t. it looks cute on you,” he says casually

it takes you a bit before your breath hitches in your throat, cheeks heating up immediately

hajime’s lips quirk up, before he leans in

“so, what’s this about the schedule?”

issei matsukawa

gosh, you managed to catch THE matsukawa’s eye? good on you😌

ahh, at first he was a bit shy and reserved

if he didn’t need to communicate with you, then he’d just.. not talk to you at all (it’s noT UR FAULT JSHDJ HES JUST sHY)

once he gets comfy enough, he’ll crack some jokes here and there

invites you to lunch/dinner with the guys

and generally spends more time with you, or gets to know you better

eventually, he gets more in tuned with your emotions, and the same goes for you

leading to mattsun catching ✨feelings✨

this doesn’t mean he’s noT going to tease you tho😈

so, it’s after a performance, the boys just finished so they enter the backstage to get cleaned up and also to receive feedback on their performance

“heyyy y/n,” he gives you a small smile as he approaches you, while taking a sip from his water bottle

he’s ever so slightly out of breath, and he was covered with a layer of sweat, making him glisten

you cleared your throat, before smiling and offering a small wave

“do you know when our next performance is?” he asks, tilting his head

you literally have to rip your eyes off of him

“what’s wrong?” he questions, sensing that something bad had happened

“ahh, nothing just-“

“you look a bit flustered,” his baritone voice cuts you off and he stares at you with a teasing smirk planted on his lips.

you gulp 😳 bc obviously you were not expecting that

“uh I-“

he chuckles, before ruffling the top of your head

later that day, he asks you out on a date

but not before teasing your flustered state

takahiro hanamaki

ahh makki was a pretty talkative and chill guy

he’s very easy to get along with

hmmMm once he gets comfy, he WILL tease and joke around

especially w/ you 😈😈

he will take every opportunity to mess with you

so, it’s before a show and you’re going through the schedule with everyone as they get their makeup done

you have to walk them through it one by one meaning,,

it’s just you and makki (after he gets his make up done JDHDJD)

“hey hey, you look nice,” you casually compliment him before whipping out your schedule

“oh? you like?” he smiles at you

you bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling too wide

“u-uhm so about your schedule...”

as you’re going along, you notice that makki has to lean in closer to get a better look of the schedule

you also notice that his eyes are not on the paper below you but rather, he’s focused on you

as he leans in, you couldn’t help but get a whiff of his strawberry scent that lingered around him making you trail off for a few moments

it wasn’t until makki pressed his lips against your cheek that you noticed you were spacing out

“o-oh! sorry- what was that?” you gasp, lifting your fingers touching the spot where he had kissed

“you were spacing out,” he grins, “now, I think that’s enough about my schedule,”

“what about yours?”

[jesswritesthat]

hey babe! i love your writing so much!!! so i recently watched kaguya-sama: love is war and i was wondering if you could do a headcanon of kuroo, bokuto and atsumu where their crush gets sick and they visit her and she drags them into her bed to sleep with them? you can decide how it ends. thank you so much in advance if you do end up writing this! i love you and take care of youself💞

Hello lovely! Thank you so much for this, I’ve never seen Kaguya-Sama but it sounds really cute. Also take care of yourself too and I hope these are okay! Much love 💕

Summary: Bokuto, Kuroo and Atsumu checking up on their sick crush headcanons

>>>>—————————>

Bokuto Kōtarō:

• Has felt like he's been missing something all day but couldn't quite decipher what it was until Akaashi mentions how you're off sick.

• Thats when your phone is bombarded with ‘urgent’ messages inquiring about your wellbeing to the dramatic extent of:

[ Kou: (N/N)! You haven't answered me yet, are yOu StiLl AliVe?! ]

[ (N/n): no ]

[ Kou: Aw, can I have your cool headphones then, since you won't be needing them anymore? 😁💕 ]

[ (N/n): Wow Kou, I'll haunt your dumbass at Volleyball games for that. ]

[ Kou: Even in death, your support means everything to me. ]

• Despite his nonsense he kept updated with you throughout the school day by sending memes in hopes of raising your spirits. The most peace you got was during Volleyball Club time - the Ace too invested to message you at that point.

• At the end though he calls his team for a serious discussion and they're all expecting major improvements on their gameplay ready for Nationals.

But no.

"What can I get (N/n) to make her feel better, this is crucial. I need only good ideas!"

• They all knew about his crush on you, he wasn't exactly secretive about it but you were none the wiser. Even so, Fukurōdani offered what advice they could to their friend because like him, they cared about you too.

• "Akaashi picked up your schoolwork." Bokuto says as he walks into your room, waving the papers and placing them on your side.

"And you didn't think to take notes for me?"

"Nah, I wanted to bring you good stuff."

"Fair point."

• Bokutos likely brought everything he could find once he went home and changed/showered - he's got flowers, your favourite snacks, drinks, medicine and some movies to cure your boredom. Like how much do I owe you???

He's says it's fine though, in return you have to be better by tomorrow.

That's not how it works Kou.

• You're both seated on your bed watching some shitty movie when you start getting a bit sleepy and you just want warmth.

"Can you give me a hug Kōtarō? I just need a hug, I know how weird that sounds..."

• Doesn't even think twice about it, he practically tackles you onto the covers which elicits lovely giggles from you - the potential of him getting sick too isn't even considered, he's just focused on being with you and making you feel better.

• His arms are so warm and they’re beautiful, you forgot how toned he is and you grow so comfortable in his embrace. He’s also really relaxed about it and is calm enough to ramble on normally - except when you nuzzle against him during a cold shiver. Bokuto full on freezes mid sentence, releasing a cautious breath prior to changing the subject.

• It’s obvious he’s content with you though, and surprisingly falls asleep first which makes you laugh. Kōtarō keeps a strong but delicate hold on your body and is subconsciously receptive enough to your every move. You adjusted yourself slightly which stirred him, his voice is much huskier than before due to sleep but remains concerned.

“Can’t you sleep (Y/n)? I can-“

“I’m fine, you’re keeping me warm.”

• With a nod of understanding he’s gone again and you follow shortly afterwards, the both of you unintentionally making the nap a sleepover. Which you only realise the next morning - still in his arms even if the position has changed. You take a few minutes to enjoy it.

• Miraculously doesn't get sick, his immune system must be immortal as he's brimming with energy once he gets up. His radiance is actually contagious as you feel much better in yourself too and his vibrant attitude really motivates you for the day despite being physically exhausted from beating the flu.

• "Your partner is going to be blessed if you bring them breakfast, I mean talk about amazing." You comment as he brings up a plate that he’d crafted in your kitchen, which is surprisingly decent. You suppose he must keep his body fit somehow.

"My crush will have to do for now."

"Wait I - ah, you have a crush on me?"

"Hah, didn't you know? I never tried to hide it or anything."

Kuroo Tetsurō:

• Notices your absence immediately, he's observant by nature but especially where his crush is concerned and he isn't afraid to contact you before class starts.

• "Hey (Y/n), it's Kuroo, are you running late today?"

"Hnn, I'm not gonna make it. I tried but I feel awful - Sickness: 1, (L/n): 0." Already by the grogginess in your voice he can tell you're under the weather and winces at the sound of you stifling a cough.

"Ah geez, go to bed would you? And drink plenty of water, I'll inform the teachers and everything."

"Thanks Tetsurō, I owe you one."

• Will message you at regular intervals throughout the day regarding your health with cute little reminders. You were on his mind frequently, he’s lowkey worried okay?

[ Tetsu: Drink water, and eat breakfast if you can. ]

[ (Y/n): Yeah yeah I have, go learn something. ]

[ Tetsu: Why are you replying? Shouldn't you be sleeping it off - I don't want your germs. ]

[ (Y/n): Sharing is caring. ]

[ Tetsu: Oya? It took a cold for you finally admit you care, so is it gonna take a pandemic to say you love me? 😏 ]

[ (Y/n): 🖕🏻]

• Is actually considerate enough to tell you he'll swing by after practice, and asks if you want anything from the shop so you give basics like water and tablets. Comes equipped with the extra notes he's taken from all of your shared classes and requested papers from teachers in those you don't, so you're not falling behind.

• Aside from the bare minimum you requested, he chucks your favourite snacks on your desk stating that it’s important to keep morale high too. Liar. He just wanted to do something nice for you.

• Checks your temperature despite your protests of not being a child, he only does this because it vexes you and Kuroo finds that cute. As a silent apology for teasing the Hell out of you, he’ll make you some tea and you both get lost in conversation.

• Notices you’re starting to doze off, rest you should’ve had instead of texting everyone - but ensuring everything is fine, he’s about to stealthily exit until your fingers grasp his wrist and tug him back slightly.

"Stay Tetsurō..."

"You'll likely regret that request once you wake up."

"S'ok, it's you."

• The strength you have when tugging him into bed with you catches him completely off guard and he’s actually blushing - doesn’t know what to say but knows he has to at least maintain some composure.

“So uh, never knew you wanted me this badly.”

“Ugh shut up dumbass, I can feel your rapid heartbeat from here.”

“Right...”

• Kuroo goes all shy, you’ve wrapped your arms around his waist and are comfortably leaning against his side and he absentmindedly runs his fingers soothingly up and down your arm to settle his own nerves.

• It’s peacefully silent, simply enjoying one another’s company before he hears your muffled sniffles indicating you’ve fallen asleep and a soft smile graces his lips. If you were his, then he’d definitely kiss your forehead, and lips to be honest, but the fact you aren’t leaves him with a disappointed sigh.

• You both end up taking a nap, waking up wrapped in each other’s arms and noses practically touching which startled the Captain - Kuroo literally falling off of your bed with a yelp much to your amusement. Afterwards, he departs suggesting you get more rest, get better soon and he’ll see you at school next week.

• At least that was the plan, which altered with the text exchange the following morning.

[ Kuroo: Sharing is not caring, I wanted your snacks not your sickness! ]

[ (Y/n): RIP us. 💀 ]

[ Tetsu: You owe me one remember? I've got the house to myself this weekend so would you like to suffer together? I have blankets, entertainment and food. ]

[ (Y/n): Beats sniffling alone, I'll bring the tissues and drugs. ]

• So, you went over with a trail of sneezing in your wake and ended up snuggled with Kuroo under a blanket with a variety of games gracing the TV as you skilfully passed around the tissues. Aside from being ill, spending time like this with him was perfect.

• "Sickness: 2, (L/n) and Kuroo: 0..."

"No, Kuroo: 1.”

"How so? You K.O. a sneeze or something?"

"I got to spend the day with you didn't I? That counts as a win in my book."

"Tch careful, anyone would think the Scheming Captain cares~"

"I do smartass, I care about you a lot (Y/n)..."

Miya Atsumu:

• Atsumu wasn't one to act needy in any way, the only excuse for him to contact you in regards to your absence was to do it with a remark and hope you'd elaborate.

[ Atsumu: Yo, are ya ditching me to survive English on my own? That's cold (Y/n) 😭 ]

[ (Y/n): Sorry 'Tsumu, I'm too busy dying to care rn. Have a fun missing me loser. ]

[ Atsumu: Hah you wish, you alright tho? ]

• You're good friends but he's never really expressed genuine concern about you before, not verbally anyway. You thought the final "K" after you'd told him you were gonna rest would be the end of it.

So you were beyond surprised when he rocked up to your house later that evening.

• It took everything you had not to mock him for his embarrassed stature, solely flustered by the fact you'd seen him so considerate. Admittedly you were also exhausted and probably couldn't think of a snarky reply anyway.

• "What's up? Was there homework or - ugh, or something?"

"Huh? Oh I dunno. But uh, I got 'Samu to make you some Okayu, and a Umeboshi Tea since it's good for colds and stuff."

• Totally pestered Osamu all day to help him make you something and had to do stupid favours in return but Atsumu will deny it if you ever ask.

• “I love how you don’t care what you look like when you have guests over.”

“Take your stupid backhanded compliments and shove them up your pretty litt-“ You bite back, flipping him off in the process while Atsumu remains proudly victorious.

“Nah ah, is that any way to speak to the man who brought you dinner?”

“It’s the way to speak to the man whose currently annoying me.”

“You’re welcome, this is revenge for ditching me in class gorgeous~”

• Despite how irritating he could be, Atsumu stuck around for a bit to make sure you ate everything he’d brought and taken the appropriate medication.

• “Oh yeah, I brought that movie you were talking about the other day. Figured it might pass the time a bit.”

“Thank you! I’ll give it back once I’m better - thank you so much ‘Tsumu.”

Your excitement was endearing, and he had to collect himself a bit since admiring such little quirks was out of the question - his crush was bad enough as it is.

“Wanna watch it now? I haven’t got anything to do so I can give you spoilers.”

“Sounds good - and not a word!”

• You spent the afternoon watching the film and playfully wrestling the blonde in order to shut him up whenever he made an attempt to spoil it - he would never, but provoking you was too funny.

• You settle down later on, putting on a mindless tv show for background noise before collapsing onto your bed with groan. Atsumu raising a smug brow at your exhausted state as he threw his jacket on.

• "Wanna sleep with me?" It was innocent, at least you didn’t think much of it then.

"Do I what now?" He was smirking, thankful that your panic left you oblivious to the blush crawling up his neck at the mere insinuation alone.

"Sleep wit- ohh I did not think that through! I meant sleep in my bed, next to me, to help me drift off. Maybe it's the sleepiness or medicine but I really want you Atsumu..."

"Not helping your case at all." Again he smugly responded, dropping his jacket to the floor with a sly smile.

"Stop smirking and just hug me okay? Then you can leave and tease me about this later."

• Atsumu isn't awkward about it, subduing his nerves enough to pull you into his arms as he sits up - dutifully ignoring the butterflies in his stomach due to your close proximity and the intoxicating smell of your hair.

• Atsumu becomes unintentionally soft, his fingers slowly begin to glide through your hair and he hesitates when he feels the hum of contentment you release before continuing. Your whole body just relaxes against his and he subconsciously does the same, not even realising he was this tense around you - was his body always like that in your general presence?

• As you start quietly talking about nothing and everything, he notices a weakness - you’re a lot more open when drowsy and god he wants to take advantage but knows you’ll remember the questions he asked and murder him for it when you’re able.

• Intead he attempts to protect any dignity he thinks he has left with you - jokes on him, it’s absolutely none. You guys are way past that level and he knows it.

“You better get healthy quick, not that I care but English is really borin’ on my own ya know?”

"The people you truly care about must be really lucky to have you 'Tsumu..." The mumble is enough to make him roll his eyes, but he waits until you’re asleep to reply.

"Yeah... you are..."

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[helliontherapscallion]

⚠️⚠️⚠️!!!!SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 16 “PHANTASMAGORIA” OF ADRENALINE JUNKIE!!!!⚠️⚠️⚠️

You sat quietly at your desk. You hands traced over the worn oak wood. This was all wrong. It was too quiet. There weren’t as many papers everywhere, cute sticky notes, and no redstone handprints that were far too small to be yours.

There wasn’t nearly enough of anything.

It hurt.

God it hurt knowing that the one person you devoted so much time, and love and care into wasn’t fucking real. 

Your breathing was heavy and tears clouded your vision as you hunched over your desk, curling into yourself.

“I-I had a son-”

Your broken words make your body and lungs shudder with the force of them and your voice cracked. Your wing pressed against your back uncomfortably, a few feathers out of place, but you couldn’t care less. You had already lost a wing, what would it matter if you lost enough.

A chill filtered through the room and you shivered. The basement was not warm at all and you could barely will yourself to get out of bed and down here.

Turning around feeling something brush a few of your primary feathers gently you whipped your head around. Your eyes widened and your wing puffed up, and your mind that could barely stay awake and focus on a single of the buzzing thoughts in your mind quieted.

It became solem and disbelieving like the basement you were standing in. All you felt was cold. The cool feeling on the cement floor under your feet and the ghost- phantom?- of your son standing before you. 

“Arthur-“ 

"Hey (Y/N)!”

His cheery voice seemed to echo and you scrambled over to his translucent, misty form. It didn’t make sense. None of this makes sense. It’s not supposed to be this way. He’s fake! He’s not real!

You walk through Arthur. He’s not here…he’s dead. Or at least not here. Not alive. Arthur isn’t your prodigy anymore. He’s your son, your second half, your entire world. To find him here of all places. ’

He can’t be real. He was never real. No. No. No No No NoNoNoNoNoNo-‘ 

“Your feathers have grown since you gave me your last one! They look damaged though.”

Your tears seemed to burn into your cheeks not stopping for a second. Your hand kept phasing through the desaturated Arthur in front of you. His words imprinted themselves into your mind. After hearing his voice for so long, to hear a echo-y version of his voice.

His real voice…to see him here in front of you shiny copper hair a bit less bright, and milky white iris, long hair pulled back into a ponytail, and freckles splashed across his face, freckles all over him actually. An old jacket of your draped over his cream sweater, black pants with knick-knacks and drafts overflowing from the pockets.

A cool hand laid on your shoulder, only able to reach because of the levitation. Was Arthur taller? He looked more mature? Was he older…? What happened?

“Are you okay (Y/N)?” -Tall Soft Anon (Also sorry accidentally started this as a request >-> so ignore that also this was super fun to write, ur welcome for extra angst lolz)

You stared at his pale face in disbelief, how in the world was he here? Was this your Arthur? It had to be, he mentioned the feather you gave him. Ender, how is this even possible? An icy finger swept across your cheek, rapidly cooling the warm tear stains. 

“(Y/n)?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and screwed your eyes shut. A laugh echoed in the room, “(Y/n) you can’t hide from me, I’m finally here with you.”

You hesitantly opened your eyes and he was directly in front of you. After blinking rapidly and rubbing your eyes, he was still there. His smile was like it always was: wide, innocent, and cheerful. “H-how?”

Arthur winced slightly and glanced off to the side, “that- that doesn’t matter. I’m here (y/n), can you believe it?” A lively laugh bellowed from him, “I’m actually here!” He grabbed your hands and pulled you into a small dance. Granted he was merely moving your arms around and pulling you in circles, but despite the icy skin, he was here. He was actually here! 

A watery chuckle escaped you as you returned his grin and spun him around, some of the redstone that had found it’s way onto the floor getting blown upwards and glinting in the light, accentuating the air around you two in a flurry of red sparkles. 

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks and your arms were yanked from the change in momentum. He didn’t look you in the eye, “I can’t be here forever, (y/n). Our time together is almost up, it’s almost time for you to wake up.”

You bent over slightly (he had really grown taller since the last time you saw him) and put your hands on his shoulders. “Artie, what do you mean? You just got here.” He said nothing, instead reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small colorful magnet. It was somehow a picture of you and him when you had given him his first pair of goggles and gloves. You both were smiling cheekily at the camera with your cheeks pressed together, redstone smeared across Arthur’s face.

You looked at it before looking back at your son, “A-Arthur, what-”

He was smiling at you bittersweetly, “keep that to remember me. I… I really don’t want to be forgotten, (Y/n)… I don’t want to go yet,” his breathing picked up, “I don’t want to go!” He lunged at you and wrapped his lanky arms around your midsection, sending you to the ground in the process. You landed on your bottom with a small grunt before you made quick work of hugging him as close to you as possible. 

You placed a kiss in his bushy hair, “I’ll never forget you, my little fledgling. I promise, we’ll find a way to stay together. I won’t let anybody take you away from me again.” He clutched your jacket tighter and burrowed his head into your shoulder, sobbing loudly between multiple “I don’t wanna go”’s

“Arthur, your time here is up.” You whipped your head up to see the person you didn’t want to see: Kristin. She was looking at the scene with melancholy and a frown tugging at her lips. Arthur whimpered and hugged you tighter, his fingers pinching your skin. 

You glared at the goddess with an amount of hate you didn’t know you could harbor for someone. You picked Arthur up in your arms with slight difficulty and wrapped him in your wing, some loose feathers falling off in the process. 

“You will not take him from me. Not again.”

“(Y/n) you must understand, he doesn’t belong here.” Kristen stepped closer to you. Her intense aura was nearly suffocating. 

You turned your body away from her, “YES HE DOES. HIS PLACE IS WITH ME AND ME ONLY. I WON’T LET YOU TAKE HIM.” You ran a hand along his tied back hair soothingly. 

“Fledgling-”

“NO. YOU DON’T GET TO CALL ME THAT WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO TAKE MY SON AWAY.”

She stood there silently for a moment before sighing wistfully, “I’m sorry for what I have to do.” Without a second word, her fingers snapped and your hand was stroking the air. You looked on in shock and anger as Arthur appeared by her side, his hand in hers. Endless tears streamed down his cheeks as he tried to run at you, “(Y/N) DON’T LET HER TAKE ME!” You tried to run at them before she raised a hand up to snap once again. The last thing you heard was his terrified screaming.

“(Y/N)!” 

You shot up in your bed with your chest heaving. Eyes flickering frantically around the room, you realized that you were in your bedroom. You put your hands over your mouth in an attempt to cover up your choked sobs and let the dam break. 

Tears dribbled out of your eyes as you sobbed quietly into your hands. You just got him back, why did the universe keep ripping him away from you?! It wasn’t fair. None of this is. You just want to see his smile again.

“I’m sorry... I’m so sorry, my little fledgling.”

You cried until the sunbeams peeked through your window and you heard the tired shuffling of Philza’s feet on the carpet and the content hums from Wilbur outside your door. They didn’t bother begging for you to come downstairs with them anymore, not after you locked yourself in your room in your grief.

A shuddering sigh escaped you as you rubbed at your stinging eyes. You reached over to grab your glass of water on your nightstand before freezing when your fingers wrapped around something that definitely wasn’t a glass of water. 

You furrowed your brows before looking down at it in confusion. When you recognized what you saw, your breath hitched in your throat and a shaky laugh escaped you.

There in your hand laid a magnet.

fuck man I’m cryin in da club rn. It was fun to write tho!

[his0kasbungeegum]

[regrets pt.2] katsuki bakugo x reader

genre: some angst, then fluff

characters: bakugo katsuki, mina ashido, mineta’s also mentioned

a/n: tbh this isn’t the best and i’m sorry it’s so long :( j hope u guys like it tho :)

For the next week, you went out of your way to avoid Bakugo however you could. You conveniently developed a fever the day classes started, so you just sat in your dorm all day, only leaving to get groceries for yourself. Soon enough, Mina, your closest friend, deduced that something was wrong and decided to approach you about it.

It was the afternoon of the fourth day of school you’d missed, and everyone was starting to trickle back into the dorms. As per usual, you were sitting in your room, trying to ignore your lack of appetite and sipping some broth. A knock at your door sounded, surprising you, but you slowly walked over to the door and opened it slightly. “Hey Mina,” you coughed, trying to make your voice sound normal but failing miserably.

“Y/N!” she exclaimed, her voice laced with concern. She entered your room, pulling you by the elbow and closing the door behind her. “You don’t look like you’re feeling too well.”

She wasn’t wrong. Your eyes were puffy, your hair was undone and frizzy, your face was flushed, and your throat was raw. You nodded, coughing into a tissue that you were clutching in your hand.

“This has to be more than just a cold,” she said, feeling your forehead with the back of her hand. “What happened? Is it something to do with Bakugo?” she inquired. Upon seeing your expression after she said the last word, she knew she’d guessed correctly. “You can tell me anything,” he said, hugging you tightly from the side.

Seeing as you had no other choice, you agreed and told her what happened, starting from when Iida confessed to you. By the end, she was seething. “I’m going to kill him,” she growled, her eyes flashing.

“It’s okay. Really, it’s fine,” you insisted. “You know I could kill him myself if I really wanted to.”

“You could,” she agreed, giggling.

A quick knock at the door interrupted both of you. “Come in,” you called.

Asui poked her head in the entrance. “Sorry to interrupt! Aizawa Sensei said he wanted us at the training center as soon as possible,” she called, looking at you sympathetically. “Y/N, I hope you feel better soon.”

“Thanks,” you replied, smiling weakly. Mina gave you a quick kiss on the forehead, then stood up. “I’ll see you later, Y/N!” she exclaimed as she left.

For the rest of the evening, you continued your usual routine of attempting to keep your fever down with alternating medications and foods. Before you knew it, you fell asleep in a bundle of warm blankets, your thin clothes sticking to you in a layer of sweat even though you still felt cold.

A sudden chill breeze running through your room woke you up. The bed creaked as you clambered out of it, padding over to the window and closing it. You reached for a thermometer to check your temperature: 102 degrees. Your fever hadn’t gone down in the slightest. You reached for your usual medicine, but not a single pill fell into the palm of your hand. Going through every medicine in your cabinet, not a single one was full, and you realized you were out of options. You needed to get to the convenience store and get some.

Your teachers and friends had been getting your supplies for you recently, since it was too cold outside for you to go alone. But considering it was around 2 in the morning and you didn’t want to wake anyone, you decided this was something to do by yourself.

The glistening moonlight illuminated the clothes hanging in your closet as you rifled through them, trying to find the warmest ones. You settled on a pair of winter stockings under a skirt and a fleece sweater with a cardigan on top. The rest of your warm clothes were being laundered, so that was all you had. Teeth chattering, you closed the door behind you with shaking hands and reached into your pocket to make sure you had money. Upon feeling the paper, you walked outside, the harsh wind whipping your face and turning it raw.

It took you half and hour longer than it should’ve, but you eventually reached the store and bought the medicine. It was a pill that you needed to dissolve in water, so you had to wait to take it until you got back to your dorm. However, your health was rapidly declining. It was irrefutable that you were one of the strongest in Class 1-A. In fact, some would’ve said you were the strongest. But what use did your quirk have against an incredibly high fever? As you tried to put one shaking foot in front of the other on the cement sidewalk, your head began to hurt and your vision began to blur. Trying to shake off the dizziness and nausea, you kept your head down, focusing on walking.

Through this haze, you barely heard someone call your name. But you merely passed it off as your imagination, considering your state of delirium. However, this time, the voice snapped you out of it. “Y/N?” called Bakugo, his tone unmistakable.

Your heart fluttered without your permission. If you could, you would stop it, but who can control their feelings? Honestly, it was terrifying to you that even though he’d hurt you so bad, your heart still fell for him. But your mind knew better, and you knew you had to listen to it.

The red flush on your cheeks from the wind grew redder as you felt Bakugo’s warmth beside you, gripping your elbow. “Hey, are you stupid? Why are you out in the cold like this? And especially at night?” he exclaimed harshly.

“Let go of me,” you mumbled, using all your strength to rip your arm from his grip.

“I know you hate me right now,” he said, a note of hurt in his voice. You furrowed your eyebrow at his tone, never hearing him speak with such regret before. “But I’m not going to let you die out here because of me.”

“I can take care of myself,” you said. Even speaking it, you realized how stupid you sounded. You were barely able to get your voice out, much less physically walk all the way back to the dorms.

At the moment, you were thankful your face was hidden by the wind whipping your hair, because if Bakugo could see the blush on your face as he wrapped an arm around you for support, he would’ve known your feelings instantly. He helped you back to the dorm in silence, the bleak, cold landscape providing both of you company. “If you ever say anything about this to anyone, I’ll kill you,” you growled, managing to keep your teeth from clicking for that one sentence.

“I’d like to see you try,” he replied haughtily. Not long after, both of you were inside Class 1-A’s dorm and approaching your floor. All you really remembered after that was having some grape-flavored medicine poured down your throat, then sinking under the warm covers.

The orange glow behind your eyelids served as a catalyst to your waking, as you groaned and flipped over. You became aware of the ungodly amount of blankets you had on top of you, and you kicked a couple off your bed.

You were received with a surprised grunt, followed by a couple curses. You quickly opened your eyes and sat up, immediately alert. Looking down, you were greeted with a head of ash-blonde hair attached to a grumpy-looking highschooler with an irritable look on his face.

“Bakugo? What are you doing here?” you said in surprise, relaxing back down now that you knew you weren’t being attacked.

“I just stayed. Not because of you or anything, just because I was tired,” he said quickly, looking away with a pink tinge on his cheeks.

“Not because of me, huh?” you asked playfully, seeing through his lies.

“Shut up,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “But Y/N, I know I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have said what I said, and I definitely didn’t mean it. I only said it because I was, well,” he continued, trailing off.

“You were what?”

“Jealous,” he said, pouting. Taking a quick look at you, he realized how much you were enjoying this. “Hey! This is hard for me, you know. Stop that!” he exclaimed, upon seeing that you were just laughing more.

“And why were you jealous?” you asked, still laughing a little.

“You know.”

“Well, I want you to say it. Don’t you owe me at least that?”

“Fine,” he relented. “I was jealous because I like you.”

You smiled to yourself upon finally hearing the words you’d waited on for so long. “Bakugo, I think you already know how I feel about you. But what you said isn’t something I can forget easily, so I’m going to need a little bit of time, okay?” you said sincerely.

“Yeah, I can deal with that,” he replied, stretching his arms.

The creak of the door opening alerted both of you, and you turned your heads there in surprise. “Hi Y/N! Everyone’s here to make you feel better!” called Mina, opening the door. Once she saw Bakugo, her eyes went wide and she blushed. “Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt! Let’s go you guys, Y/N’s busy!” she called, slamming the door shut.

“What? Bakugo gets to sleep in Y/N’s room? He’s so lucky!” complained Mineta, his voice muffled from behind the door.

“Hey, what was that, you shrimp?” yelled Bakugo, throwing the covers off of him. You simply laughed, glad that things were restored to semi-normalcy for now.

tags: @bonbonthedragon

[katsukikitten]

A/N I cant wait for yall to read this

Sunlight fights to filter in beneath the thick curtains, causing you to stir slightly as the sweet smell of burning sugar pulls you closer.

Happily you snuggle deeper into the scent, drowning in it as you nose your way further into the crook of a soft neck. A hum escapes you as you are pulled quickly back under tow dreaming of a sweet shop with nothing but squares of caramel and deep candy apple eyes.

A harsh knock comes at the door snapping you back to reality causing your muscles to tense with burning adrenaline. You're pulled ever closer, pressed impossibly so into a muscled chest, pops ringing out of a steady hand.

"Who the fuck is it?" Voice dark, deep with sleep and venom. Causing your body to act on it's own as your stomach and core flutter.

The dream makes more sense as you slowly remember last night, your cheeks aflame.

"Ka..Kaachan. We're late! Our plane leaves in half an hour and I'm worried about Y/N. She isn't picking up her phone and she won't answer her door. I...I dont remember her coming back with us last night. She came back with us right? We didn't leave her? The girls left before us and..." He continues on in a tangent as Bakugo growls. Both of you relish each other's skin for a moment before letting go, giving one another an odd glance as you both dress. Katsuki nods towards the sliding door as he breaks Deku's worry spell.

"Oi! Oi!" Bakugo growls ripping the door open enough that his top half sticks out, "She and I brought you back. She's probably taking forty fucking years to get ready like normal. Let me get my shit together."

He glances over his shoulder to watch you gracefully float from his balcony to yours. His eyes return to his oldest frenemy. Jade eyes hazed, half asleep, deep bags pull at his features harshly enough to have the hot head say.

"You look like shit. Did you take the meds Y/N left out for you?" Deku nods, gripping his forearm tightly.

"I'm sorry I..." But Bakugou cuts him off.

"Told you you couldn't out drink me, ya fucking light weight. Now get ready, when I'm done I'll get Y/N." He sighs shutting the door just before Deku turns to make his way back.

Katsuki stares at his unmade bed, at your card and phone sitting on his nightstand, reliving the night before.

He hopes he didn't make a mistake or take advantage of you depsite both of you being drunk as fuck.

The lingering smell of your shampoo clings to him like a lost lover causing him to bite his lower lip.

You stand in front of the glass door, debating if you should go in. Brave hands act on their own as they grip onto the door, flinging it to the side before you step into the dark room.

After a quick scan, it is safe to say that no one is present. House keeping had come to freshen your sheets and towels and you do not see anything amiss. The only thing noticeable is the slight indent on the side of the bed. You convince yourself that it's from the natural sag of the mattress.

Quickly you grab for your bag, checking to make sure you have all of your extra hero suits before grabbing onto the Bakugou waifu pillow having half a mind to leave it here.

But the longer you stare the more your head swims as your stomach twists with the weight of uncertainty.

Of the silent tension the two of you carried that could shift your relationship drastically one way or the other.

Little time is left before the three of you are supposed to leave, yet you make your way to the shower anyway. Cranking it up as high as it will go before standing in the burning water.

Almost wishing you were sharing the shower with the same person who left little purple bites over your breasts.

Even with your shower you manage to beat both of your male coworkers to the hallway.

Waiting patiently as you lean agaisnt your door, heart fluttering as you relive the ENTIRE weekend.

Of green eyes you hope to never see again, of a glass replica of your own eye, a threatening note, of the laughs you shared with the former 1A.

Of the closeness that developed between you and the women, that developed between you and Izuku.

And especially the smile that Bakugo has been sharing with you.

Of the eye contact from last night. Your heart freefalls into your stomach with enough force that the wind leaves you in a small "Fuck."

Hand pushing through wet hair as Izuku emerges from his room.

"Oh Y/N, thank goodness you're okay!" He wraps strong arms around your frame, flooding your senses with peppermint and a hint of lime.

"Oi, oi stop being dramatic I told ya the brat was fucking fine." Katsuki huffs, slamming his door, "You forgot this in my pocket last night."

There is little bite in his voice as his hand holds out your phone. He looks over you with deft eyes, reading your body language for distress while checking to see if any bruises were visible all before slinking back down to your hand.

That you haphazardly rewrapped. A snarl escapes his lips as you grab onto your phone, eyes burning into you.

"Remind me to never let you wrap my wounds." He nudges your shoulder with his own, crimsom eyes shining more than usual. You scoff at his remark, shoving him roughly.

"You act as if I wouldn't hope that you'd bleed out first." You flick your hair as you sashay past him fighting to keep the smile off of your face. A smile where a scowl should be. The two of you quip and bicker like normal but something is...different. Or at least it seems that way to Izuku as he watches the two of you interact. Studying the odd pair as he wonders what has changed.

It's a subtle change, as he hadn't caught on until the two of you had gotten onto the plane.

Suddenly Izuku couldn't help but notice that there was a little less animosity, a little less hostility between the two of you.

And he sure as hell didn't miss the lingering glances the two of you shared.

Bakugo slides into his seat across the aisle as he did a short two days ago, headphones on, scarlet eyes glancing at you before squeezing shut. You choose the window seat staring out at the tarmac below. Izuku watches your eyes flutter and blur with unshed tears as whatever heartwrenching thought crosses your mind. He swallows thickly ignoring you to give you privacy.

The three of you stand in front of the towering building of your agency.

All three of you asked to return to the office for various reasons.

A set of jeweled jade and burning scarlet rove over you, worry lacing their eyes in two atronomicly different forms. Furrowed brows and a narrowed glare.

You sigh pulling your luggage behind you as you walk through the office doors first.

Bakugo finds his office exactly as he left it. A mountain of paper work that is close to being over due. He bites at his lower lip as he slams into his office chair wondering how your conversation you must be having is going. Rocking in his leather chair as he stares at his phone, avoiding work as his ears perk hoping for sound in the office beside him.

Your office settled between his and Deku's. He growls out when he hears that stupid cheery voice of Deku's thanking his assistant before Bakugo descides he should probably do some work while he waits for your return.

Snarling curses to himself as he doesn't understand *why* he is so anxious to hear from you when normally he would relish your getting in trouble.

Shining eyes stare up at him settled on rouged cheeks, plush lips forming his name devouring every other thought on his mind.

He grinds his teeth trying to forget as deadly hands open his wallet to pull out his ID card for his office laptop only to be met with your debit card staring up at him.

"Fuck." He snarls abandoning his task in search of you. Not that he really had a qualm about avoiding paper work. He just spots you leaving the agency through his large office windows.

Odd, had you not had your meeting? Usually when you were in trouble with the director the lights flickered AT LEAST once. He takes the steps two at a time, pushing through the door to the stairwell just in time to over hear the latest gossip from front reception.

"So Tejina just up and quit after a paid vacation?" The security guard asks, setting down his extra cup for who he was obviously pining after. She barely gives it a second glance.

"She didn't even pack any of her stuff." The receptionist sighs, filing at a nail, "We might have to clean out her office."

" Ungrateful bi.."But before he can finish his sentence a loud pop rings out. He freezes staring down the top hero before swallowing thickly. Scarlet burns into mundane brown before he shifts his weight to walk through the double doors. All the while the security guard thanks his lucky stars.

"Oi!" Bakugo calls after you but you ignore him, pushing through your mixed emotions as you stomp your way towards home, "OI Y/N!"

But he is just as persistent as the memory of harsh vermilion turning soft as it glimpsed into your soul.

"Fuck." You mutter, walking faster dragging your stupid suitcase in your wake.

An explosion erupts, landing a toned body directly in front of you. Heated hands finding your shoulders quickly to stop you in your tracks. You jerk back from his touch and he tries not to let the hurt shine through on his face.

"What happened?" A bite that you ignore, trying to shove past him just to repeat the dance again. Jerk away, obvious display of hurt attempting to meld into rage. The longer you dont speak the more his blood boils before he finally sounds off.

"Did you really fucking quit?!" He yells loudly enough that birds flee from trees and rooftops. Avoiding his gaze you stare at his clenched fists, wanting everything and nothing to do with him all at once.

He was the last person you wanted to see.

Especially after the look on the director's face when you stated your resignation.

But here he stood in all his muscled glory, blocking your way.

Somethings never changed did they?

"Yes Bakugo I fucking quit. I'm done I.." Just as you're about to allow yourself to break, to consciously cry in front of the last human being you thought you could ever be vulnerable with he burts with popping motion.

"YOU FUCKING QUIT? FOR FUCKING WHAT?!" He heaves, pressing further, pushing your last button, "I didn't think you would quit over something so trivial as your fan base."

Red clouds your vision and drowns out any rational thought you had as your body moves on it's own accord. Your fist rears back, slaming into a sturdy jaw line causing him to slide back a few feet. And with it infecting him with that all consuming *red*.

A mixture of a snarl and smirk contort his handsome features as he spits blood onto the ground. He lunges, powering himself with his quirk as he comes for you.

Luggage far from forgotten as you bring it up to swing, hitting him in his ribs fucking his flight attack. He counters with a point blank explosion to which you stop with a shaky shield.

Struggling to keep the energy formed with nothing as its base. You distance yourself only for him to close the space, knowing full well you worked best from afar.

Well he sure as fuck better know considering how many hours he was forced to spend with you. He watches your quirk activate and deactivate in a matter of seconds, anticipating all of the projectiles you produce.

But he fails to notice the large boulder you steal from rock garden in the courtyard of the agency. He lunges for you again hot finger tips grazing your skin before you bring the large boulder down with full force.

Pinning him into the ground until a satisfying crack rings out.

Heaved breaths echo in the semi silence as the two of you work your problems out the only way strong quirk holders seem to know how.

Destruction spelling out every word that you'd never dare to speak. He gets the message loud in clear, although too late, as he watches your posture shrink just the slightest as you look down at him.

Barely able to hold eye contact, he produces a strong enough explosion for the boulder to become confetti on the wind before he stands, spitting crimson into the dirt.

This was your opportunity to move, this was the turning point of your relationship with him.

If he comforted you now for what felt like the thousandth time in the past few days you knew you wouldn't be able to resist him again.

Caramel tickles your nose on the wind moments before he stands before you, deadly palms resting on your exposed biceps. Gently squeezing as if the two of you hadn't tried to off the other. He sighs, body relaxing before you as you stare at his ever rising chest.

"Please...please tell me what's going on." He sounds desperate and you are unsure if you've ever heard a tone like this from him before. You heart pounds in your chest and painfully so. As if it were ensnared in an unsuspecting trap, barbs puncturing the tender flesh with each agonizing beat.

*"I should end this here. I should end this now."*

Is the all consuming thought you have before your mouth moves all on it's own. You hold his gaze, matching the intensity as you stare into his stunning scarlet eyes.

Eyes that you tell yourself are actually green.

"Please, as if you really fucking care Ground Zero." You cannot even bring yourself to use his name. Knowing that when you were to sound out the syllables your voice was sure to crack, his grip becomes tighter. Those damn lips you want to devour morph into a thin line biting back his ire.

"It's funny that you are so touch starved you would take a pity fuck as anything more." He jerks away then, eyes widening before turning into a nasty glare.

Still you continue your assault, pushing him with hot hands as you pretend so desperately that he is someone else.

Anyone else so you can push him away from you, hurt him enough that he would never look in your direction again.

That wouldn't be so bad right?

"We were never friends and we never will be. Quit being a bitch, like I said. It. Was. A. Drunken. Pity. Fuck." You bite out each word, staring him down for a full moment before turning on your heel. Hand raised for your strown luggage to assemble itself before returning to your hand.

All the while blurring red eyes stare after your powerful form. Teeth grit so tightly they threaten to turn to dust.

He should move. He should go after you.

Those words were clearly not meant for him. You clearly weren't looking him him in the same light as before. He knows in his bones he needs to follow you to fix this.

But that would require Bakugou Katsuki to swallow his pride.

And he always chokes on it.

You're a shaking mess of nerves as you walk home, trying hard not to glance over your shoulder at any noise as you near closer to your apartment.

No one but the agency knows where you live as you took extra precaution to avoid not only the paparazzi but especially crazed fans even opting to stay in random hotel room instead of the comfort of your penthouse apartment.

You smile softly at the slightly dilapidating building, climbing the crumbling concrete steps jingling one of the three keys it requires to get into your apartment.

The first for the front door.

The second for the stairwells

The final for your deadbolt and handle.

Both slide in easily as you breath in the smell of your dusty and dank apartment.

Relishing the fact that no one would find you here. The black out curtains are drawn keeping the apartment plunged in a never ending nighttime. You toss your keys onto the entry table closing the door behind you as you set your luggage down with a sigh.

Suddenly the air seems to shift, dust particles disturbed in the slight sunlight that streams in the small crack of the curtains sending your heart into a panic.

Green is reflected to you in the screen of your TV as breath floats down the nape of your neck.

Before you can react a sticky substance is placed over your mouth and nose, steadily forcing its way in and down your throat. A panic sets a cold sweat onto your goose skin as you realize the substance is forming from a thick forearm.

That you beat onto desperately as your vision begins to fade to black. Quirk grabbing onto anything to smash into your assailant just for it to be absorbed. Green holds your panicked gaze.

"You really couldn't have picked a better time to quit." He presses his noise into your throat huffing in your scent as you feel a shutter go through him. The strength in your body begins to fade with your vision before he runs his tongue along the hollow of your exposed collar bone.

"I told you you'd be mine soon enough *Doll.*"

[deliciously-yeeted]

I was in desperate need of some beel fluff, so i wrote some. As one does. Uh, ive never done this,(posting fanfic, i normally jus write small things for myself tbh😅) before so please have mercy lol

I hope ya like it though, it put a smile on my face so im hoping it does the same for you♡

____________________________

You started filling the hem of your shirt with snacks, as many as you could fit in the scrunched up fabric that is, a tired but playful grin on your lips, as you thought over what you planned to do, mentally prepping yourself.

Normally, you're not so bold about seeking out comfort and such, feeling shy about showing vulnerability...but today, ugh, today had you particularly worn down. You needed something, affection preferably. You'd settle for a warm bath and some melatonin if you had to. Though, you really didnt want too.

You were tired of self soothing all the time. And Asmos care packages could only help so much. But you knew how to make it all magically better. There was only one option in times like these .

You worked quickly, excitement bouncing around in your gut, making your hands a little shaky.

Having grabbed all you could you carry, you practically dashed from the kitchen. Your mind set on finding a certain big demon. Last you heard, he was headed to his room for a bit. You hoped he was still there.

When you finally reached his bedroom door, you found yourself in a tad bit of a pickle. Your eyebrows furrowed, the realization that you wouldn't be able to open the door making you frown at the closed door briefly. You cursed yourself slightly, for not thinking that far ahead. You forgot in all your excitement.

Briefly you considered trying to use you feet before dropping the idea. Guess you've got no choice.

Dang it! You felt kinda bummed that you'd be losing the element of surprise, but the grin soon returned, thinking about seeing Beel always you happy, regardless of the circumstances.

"Beeeeellllllllllll!" You called out, letting a bit of a whine into your voice, hey, who knows? Maybe it'd get him in front of you faster?? He tended to be on the slower side of answering his door, sometimes he simply didnt hear it. Especially if he was working out or watching tv.

Apparently, whining his name did not speed him up:(

You were about to call out again, worried he hadn't heard you, when the door clicked open. The mere sound making you feel slightly giddy. Your eyes snapping up to meet his briefly. You soaked in as many details of him as you could, without just straight ogling him, before flicking your eyes back up to meet his.

"Y/n?" He seemed pleasantly surprised, dressed in a black tank top and grey sweats (you were happy to see him wearing them, because while he looked like a whole ass meal in them, it also meant he had no plans of leaving the house tonight).

His eyes were quick to find the odd lumps wrapped up in your shirt, as well as the bit of tummy peaking out. The position you held your shirt in had caused the bottom of your stomach to show, something you had worried about on the way here, anxious about a different brother catching a glimpse of you. You could feel his stare burn against your skin, he was about to say something, but then his nose twitched, and his eyes fixed on your bundle of snacks instead.

-

Not that you minded his staring your stomach, not with Beel.

The others...maybe.

Your tummy was one of his favorite parts about you, he's hands finding their way under your shirt to touch and squeeze the soft flesh more often than not. Always gentle and non intrusive. I think he'd full on cry if he accidentally upset you somehow tbh.

Boy had absolutely no shame about it, once he learned you didnt mind much.

Especially when you seemed to be a bit shy about showing your stomach, with the others, or just in general. He made sure to let you know how much he loved your squish. Be it at RAD or just casually in the house.

The only person who ever raised a fuss over it was Mammon, although, he tended to fuss over everything you did anyways;; His protests did absolutely nothing to deter you or Beel, much to his dismay.

Sometimes, if Beel was hungry and needed a distraction or a quick 'pick me up', he'd scoop you up and just shove his face into your tummy. (Much like what I do with my cat when I'm bored and/or sad) Then he'd just hold you there until he absolutely had to let you down.

Relishing in the feel of your softness and you heart racing under your skin, fluttering so delicately under his lips, pressing his face against you was an instant mood lifter for him.

You loved it, a surprised but delighted laugh always ripping from your chest, almost subconsciously. You couldn't hide your happiness in his affections, not that you would want to (thats a lie, you cant help but be embarrassed at the end of the day by the intensive joy you felt whenever you looked at him). Which only seemed to motivate him even more, and soon each time he scooped you up, he'd kiss all over your tummy, making you giggle because it tickled, before hugging you close with a small sigh.

-

"I brought snacks, and some cuddles. So uhm, can I nap on you for a bit? 'M tired. Unless your busy or something..." you beam up at him, starting to hesitate toward the end, suddenly a little unsure.

"Pretty please?? I wont bug ya, I promise." You plead, pulling your best puppy dog eyes, shifting from one foot to the other nervously. His eyes widened as his brain processed what you said, and the cute sight in front of him. If he was being honest, it made his brain stop for a split second.

He chuckled at you and lifted you up by the back of your knees, holding you carefully to his chest, mindful of your full shirt. A small startled squeak coming from you as he did so, a sound he never got tired of hearing.

You glanced in the room as he closed to door, he had papers sprawled over the small coffee table in the middle of the room, and a few (you spotted more in the trash bin in the corner) empty food wrappers around his work space. He plopped down in front of the table again, taking only a few steps to reach it. You were kind of jealous, your short legs never being a fair match against his. Luckily he enjoyed carrying you, which solved that issue right quick.

"You can keep me company while I finish my homework." He says, shifting you into his lap and keeping a loose hold on your lower stomach, fingers splaying out to get a small feel of your exposed skin. Glancing around, you dont see belphies mop of hair in his bed, he was probably sleeping in the attic or the observatory, you quietly hum to yourself, abit happy to have Beel all to yourself for the moment. Shifting forward, Beels hands refusing to let you go and setting on your waist, you hold your shirt above the edge of the table, and let the snacks spill from your shirt before smoothing the garment back down, missing Beels frown as he looses sight of your tummy. Quickly moving to organize the snacks a bit, so that they were within reach and not scattered all over his papers and in the way.

"Thank you, your the bestest!!" You say, the dull ache in your arms more than worth the effort in your opinion.

You tilted your head back so you can look up at him. Making eye contact with him made your brain kinda just...mush. Your hands slowly squeezing his on your waist, lifting them so you move a bit.

You tore you gaze from his, before turning around and wrapping your arms around his nack and your legs around his torso,(like a koala in his opinion).

Scooting as close as you could get away with, (your not as stealthy as you give yourself credit for, he knows, he just too nice to tease you for it, and he doesn't want you to stop), so you could snuggle up to him and be comfy at the same time. Which wasn't all that hard to do with him, being the teddy bear he is.

Your eyes glazed over slightly, and you were distracted as you mind pulled your attention away.

Ah, you were in pure bliss, you could die happy like this~

You had grabbed plenty of snacks, being sure to vary in your choices, knowing Beel would like to have options, and hoping to be able to buy some extra time with him and a cute Beel smile as a reward for your effort. Tho, youd do it anyways.

Not that you'd ever admit to that. Nuh uh, no way. Unless he asked nicely, you'd give in embarrassingly fast if he ever did, the realization making your face heat up.

But...

Embarrassment be damned, youd never tell Beel 'No'.

He looks down at you, face going all blushy and soft at your slightly dazed and flushed expression. Your thoughts getting the best of you for a moment. Shaking your head slightly and letting out a resigned sigh.

"Of course you can," you snap out of it when he speaks up, looking up at him, quick to give him your full attention. "I love when you cuddle up with me, it helps me focus a bit. You didn't have to bribe me, though, as long as its you, my cuddles come free-" wrapping his arms around your shoulders, giving you a snug hug, he moves to continue. "Not that I'm complaining-" you cut him off, feeling slightly guilty about it. You were already flustered, and his sweet words weren't helping your predicament one bit. That was until your eyes actually focus on his face, oh sweet hell, hes so precious!!! Your heart thumps nearly painfully for a moment, nerves biting into your thoughts.

Your face was definitely beat red now, you could feel it at the tips of your ears even. Yet you refused to move, your eyes locked on his. A rare occurrence, one you could tell he was basking in, his eyes were glued to your face, studying it. His flush deepening slightly.

Squishing his cheeks and "shushing" him gently. Your basically cooing at him, to tired suddenly to care much about how your words or actions came off. The nervousness slipping away from your voice and movements. "Its not a bribe hun, I just felt like seeing you smile before I fell asleep on you. Heh, your smile is my goodluck charm for good dreams, ya know?" You tiredly rub his cheek with your thumb, eyes lit up happily and content. Giving him a small breathless laugh at the end.

He really did calm you down, your mind slowing down as the excitement started to fade, a fact you became overly aware of quite suddenly, your eyes feeling quite heavy now that you felt safe.

You yawned, your weariness catching up to you.

Beels quick to notice, taking note of the bags under your eyes. Dont worry, he'll make sure you get some good sleep, no bad dreams were gonna plague you on his watch. He glances over at the snacks you brought, unbelievably happy. Seeing you so cutely curled up to him, the fact that you brought him as much food as you could carry(a sight he nearly died from when he saw it) and your sweet sweet words, it definitely warmed his heart to say in the least.

He loved that you actually came to find him, just so you could cuddle. His adoration for you is bottomless, just like his hunger.

So, Beel wraps you inna big bear hug, pulling you closer and peppering the top of your head and face with kisses. He gives you a big grin, his eyes sparkling happily. "Nap, I'll wake you up when I'm done and we can hangout till dinner."

You tiredly nod, relaxing against him.

Grabbing a baggy of chips, he smooches your forehead, before tucking your face under his chin so he could munch, and see his work(not like that was much of an issue, beels a big boy after all👀), without completely covering the top of your head in crumbs (you'd told him you didn't mind, especially since he always ruffled your hair to get then out, and you loved that...but he still feels bad about it and tries to avoid it to some extent) and being able to rest his chin on top your head was just the cherry on top for him.

💗Happy beel mode activated💗

Sighing happily, you close your eyes. Beels cuddles making all your stress melt away, just like they always did. Slowly, you start to drift off, listening to the soft scratch of his pen as he starts to work and his deep breathing, letting it lull you into sleep.

I dont know why my brain wanted me to got all out on this. I literally jus couldn't stop tweaking with it. Imma post if before i decide to change it. Imma just conveniently forget i wrote this now, maybe ill like it more after a week or two... :/ also if theres any spelling or grammar issues plz tell me, its like 2am rn so im sure i missed something

[coepiteamare]

about me? tag games

tagged by the lovely @yeojaa! thank you for the tag!

tagging: @bratkook​ (because you’re gorgeous but also hi! i want to talk to you more but i’m so easily intimidated 🥺) idk anyone else who doesn’t mind their face being shown, but if you want to, consider yourself tagged by me 💕🥰

post your favourite/most recent photo of yourself 

i do not like my face unless it doesn’t look like my face? but i’m trying to be better about accepting it/taking pictures because it’s the one face i’m going to get. and lovely noor always hypes me up 🥰 this is my most recent one...from one year ago! all of my photos are from aerial performances lol which is why the outfit is very sparkly. (...i don’t know why my lips are always pursed someone help me)

the first thing that came to mind was my tenacity and stubbornness. it’s a double edged sword, especially when i get unnecessarily competitive with the stupidest things (there have been many times when i would argue with my therapist for the stupidest things for the sake of “winning.” jesse, i’m so sorry), but it’s funny at times. 

the first thing that came to mind was my tenacity and stubbornness. it’s a double edged sword, especially when i get unnecessarily competitive with the stupidest things (there have been many times when i would argue with my therapist for the stupidest things for the sake of “winning.” jesse, i’m so sorry), but it’s funny at times. 

i dont know if this a personality trait, but my willingness to learn? i like to be openminded because there is so much out there that i do not know. and there’s so much that i had (and still have!) to unlearn and re-learn and learn to be a better human being. and a lot of that isn’t possible without being willing to learn and open-minded! 

favourite body part of yours

my ankles? i have a friend who really likes my ankles. (they’re weirdly tiny? i have small hands, but if i wrap my hand around it, i can almost touch my thumb and middle finger. they’re also super weak though so i lose my balance quite often and have stretched my ligament a few times). or my eyes i guess. to be honest, i really don’t like my body but i’ve been trying to practice body neutrality more, trying to understand that this is the body i’ve been given and while i may not love it, it does what it needs to do and i’m very fortunate and privileged to be able bodied on the surface and mostly able bodied in general! 

favourite aesthetic/style on yourself

ohhh a tough one. i really like oversized sweaters and shirts with short shorts so that it looks like i’m not wearing anything underneath? one of my friends likes to associate that look with me. i also love sundresses, the ones that float and settle gently when you spin. 

what are you most proud of?

my friends! my friends are a great source of my pride and joy and i’m very proud and grateful to be able to have them in my life, that they have seen me through my ups and downs, that they’re willing to call me out on my bullshit and still sit with me when i’m low, and that they love me. i’ve made quite a few reckless decisions, but the friends i keep and made, they’re some of the best ones i’ve made in my life. but...if we’re going for a more direct answer, how much care and affection i give to my friends! sometimes i’m not a great friend because i’m unable to work past my depression and si and thoughts, but i think for the most part and when it counts the most, i try my best to be present with my friends and check in with them, sending them messages, and doing everything in my power to let them know they’re loved and appreciated! i wouldn’t be where i am today without my friends. 

a trait people say they like about you

i’m cackling. i actually had to ask my groupchat this: they said they like how excited i am about things/when i care about someone/something i care A LOT about them and i’m invested 200%. “you call it being a nerd abt things you like including marvel, queens gambit, etc. I think you carry it into how you love & care for ppl too. i feel that way when you tell me that you’ll read my papers even tho they’re long & annoying or when you bring me food bc you remember I had been craving it or when your randomly text me things out of nowhere & just check in on me to see how I’m doing” “i like how excited u get abt things. it’s nice knowing u want me to be a part of ur world.”

a personality/physical trait that you used to be ashamed of but now appreciate

oh dear. for physical, my eyes? they’re monolidded and they don’t fit western/korean beauty standards, so as a kid, they were one of my biggest insecurities. but now, i’ve kind of come to peace with them? it makes makeup harder because there’s things that i can’t do (not that i have the talent to pull off intricate eyeshadow looks anyways) but we work with what we’re given. 

personality wise...i’m not really sure because i think i’ve grown and changed a lot, but a lot of things have stayed the same and i don’t really think i was embarrassed about my personality? there are lots that i don’t like that i’ve come to accept, however. i’m work very much in extremes: i’m a leaky faucet or breaking dam. i’m all or nothing. i feel too much or too little. i used to hate it, but now, it’s just whatever. i’m very ambivalent about it. 

favourite colour on you?

blue! i really like wearing blue and black and white? i think blue is just very versatile and i associate a lot of my personality to it. black and white is...well black and white haha. i feel like they look good with anything but i don’t own a lot of them, for some reason. maybe when things get better, i’d like to thrift some more black and white pieces. 

favourite clothing on you

MY DOCS! even though they’re high key a bitch and i bought them because the girls i worked with encouraged my desire to buy them (2/3 of my female coworkers at levis wore docs with their jeans and i felt like it was validating me to finally make the purchase after 3 years.) they go with almost everything and they make me feel like i can stomp all over my insecurities! i like jeans (probably from my short stint at levi’s), especially the high waisted ones. my favourites are the painter boys (loose, lots of pockets, wide legged) and the wedgie (that name is ridiculous, no matter how many times i see/say it). i love my ripped wedgie jeans with my docs. as for tops, i love cardigans but do not own any.

an aesthetic you want to try but are too scared to

CROP TOPS!!! crop tops and skin tight clothing? because of my body shape, i know they look good on me but i just am not comfortable in them? i would also love to try thigh high boots at one point in my life. also, the all black, professional aesthetic? idk what it’s called, but the blazers and black turtlenecks and slacks? would love to try, but that section intimidates me

things you like getting compliments on the most

i’m awful at receiving compliments unless they’re sarcastic ones hehe. but i like getting compliments on my writing? or on the things that i do that make other people happy and loved? i like receiving compliments on the things that i do for other people! (not that i do them to receive compliments though!)

lastly, do you love yourself?

ahahahaha 🙃

[sunsetsover]

give us a rundown of ur thoughts about tonight's ep it's what we deserve

this is cute bc my rambly ass thoughts very rarely make sense and are just me screaming into the void generally but if u want it who am i to deny u!!!! also im sorry i know i promised u this yesterday but i had Stuff going on but anyways we’re here now!!!!

ok firstable let me direct u towards this post bc i have not stopped thinking abt it for the past few days and i cba to type it all out again but... Yeah

and actually i think i have MORE to add bc i just cannot get over how young ben looked throughout the whole scene like!!! and not even just his face (even tho his face looked so young too) but his body language!!! sittin there on his knees with his hands between his thighs looking so emotional and YOUNG and vulnerable like its fuckin me up sm

esp the way ben looked at callum’s hand when he signed ‘ok’ i think it was a moment of clarity for ben like he’s finally realized that callum is committed he’s in it for the long haul he’s willing to adapt and has already started!!! i feel like in a way it was a call back to when ben asked callum to prove that he really did love ben and that was ben realizing that callum HAS been proving it this whole time

and there’s smth to be said abt the fact that he could only allow himself to BE that overtly vulnerable BECAUSE callum had his eyes closed. like you can see the moment callum opens his eyes and looks at him ben catches himself and tries to put his walls back up and move on like none of it ever happened !! bc he’s scared of vulnerability!!! in his life vulnerability has always meant pain!!! but he’s trying!!!! he’s getting there!!! slowly but surely!!!

and the fact that callum knew exactly what ben was doing and why he was doing it and didn’t let him!!! not in a forceful way it was just like look at me!!! it’s fine!!! you’re safe!!! i love you too!!!! which only overwhelmed ben MORE to the point where he didn’t know what to do but kiss callum like god!!!!!!!!! god

callum telling him he loved him in sign!!!! the fact that that means callum has been sitting there in his flat googling��‘how to say i love you in sign’ and watching youtube tutorials and practising his signs wow rip

and everything callum said to even get to that point !!!!!! literally every word out of his mouth !!!! the fact that he apologised and said he didn’t mean to make ben feel bad was so important!!! the fact that he told ben how strong he is!!! and how amazing he is!!! and how amazing it is that he’s handling everything going on atm!!!! and telling ben that phil isn’t anywhere NEAR as strong as ben is and that if he doesn’t want anything to do with ben then that’s HIS problem not ben’s like that’s all i’ve ever wanted ANYONE to tell ben !!! i’ve wanted ben to hear that for so long!!!! and the fact that it was callum telling him those things and in such a beautiful vulnerable moment and the fact that callum assures him that even if he doesn’t have his dad at his side callum is there!!!! and he will continue to be there!!! just fuck off im crying and im never going to stop

i know i said it in my other post but the fact that ben bought so many presents for callum’s birthday and got up in the middle of the night to wrap them and they’re all in different paper........... like once they get more in tune with each other’s love languages it’s over for us bitches

the fact!!!!!!! that ben telling callum he loves him!!!!!! put tears in callum’s eyes!!!!!! it made him want to cry!!!!! bc he knows!!!!! he knows it’s not an easy thing for ben and he knows ben means it and just!!!!!!!!! that has fucked me up sm u don’t even know

and just the absolute poetry in the fact that in that moment callum can’t see and ben can’t hear like they’re restricted and yet they’re communicating anyway and vikki summed it up way better than i ever could but there’s just this undercurrent of just like.... seeing and hearing each other properly and being honest even tho they CAN’T see/hear each other and whew it’s a lot

the way you can hear ben’s breath shaking as he kisses callum like he’s so overwhelmed!!!!!!!! my baby!!!!!!!!

literally i’m never ever going to be over the vulnerability and the love and the honesty in that moment

and the second scene!!! the way they were just laying there looking at each other!!!!!!!!!!! they were just laying in bed and staring at each other until the early hours in the morning like can u imagine being that in love w someone that u just wanna lay there and look at them?? wish i could relate

ben apologising to callum!!!!!!! was so important!!!!!! acknowledging that he’s been a prat !!!!! but then explaining it’s bc he doesn’t really know how to be vulnerable like can u believe it was just 2 scenes but we got so much #blessed

(also callum telling ben he hasn’t been a prat which he HAS but it was callum’s way of saying ‘i know, i get it, i understand, i forgive you’ all rolled into one bye)

the way ben stroked callum’s hair and face as he apologised....... the way callum literally just reached out and touched ben’s cheek bc he needed to touch him....... and the way ben leaned up into callum’s hand....... yeah.gif

callum firmly telling ben needs to learn sign language!!!! he get’s it and he forgives ben, BUT changes have to be made and one of those is ben learning sign language!!! and yeah ben goes to make a (probably rude) sign w his hands (and the way callum instantly reacts tells me that whatever he was gonna do, it wasn’t the first time lmao) but he doesn’t argue or resist he just accepts it which!!!! growth!!!

ben looking at callum like this goodbye

callum’s thoughtful gift!!!! a watch that vibrates!!!!!! best boyfriend in the world award goes to callum highway

the fact that ben was like WELL SEEING AS THO WE’RE GIVING GIFTS and let callum open one of his 15 presents :-(

‘officer highway breaking all the rules ay?’ does he ever stop

it’s just the way the whole bed scene was just so soft and intimate but still THEM u know w the banter and the teasing like it didnt feel ooc it just felt like them :-(

and last but by no means least: ben saying ‘we’ll make a mitchell of you yet’ and the way callum just smiled and looked at ben???? like he can’t quite believe it??? which mood bc i can’t either??? i’m literally gonna be in my grave thinking about it like i don’t know how im ever supposed to move on

ben is going to make a mitchell of callum one day they’re going to get married thank you and goodnight