#the structures don’t support sporadic writing

[gammarailgun]

so this is a bit random for my blog but ive been dredging up my old magic the gathering hyperfixation because of friendgroups that play EDH and i had some random thoughts

ive always clicked weirdly well with the red/white color pairing but the reasons have shifted over time

and ive had this nagging brainworm that

magic as a whole is doing RW wrong.

allow me to explain

fair warning: this is going to get a bit political, a bit philosophical, and very strongly informed by who i am as a person

so

the core axiom here is that human nature in the absence of external factors is inherently good and altruistic. we know this because we are social creatures, and the fundamental basis of early social structures is coming together for mutual benefit. oppressive systems and harsh upbringings can and do quash this in favor of learned hostility and abusiveness but that core is always there. it’s why redeeming the villain is such a common fictional trope - if it wasn’t possible to change and grow and deconstruct learned harmful behaviors we wouldn’t write about it nearly as much now would we

magic as an ur-setting recognizes this to some extent. we see snippets of the kindness of strangers in Innistrad even amidst the horrors and the distrust and the paranoia, we see the selfless unity against the Eldrazi on zendikar drawing in all five colors of the pie, we see countless other examples throughout the planes

now, what does this axiom mean in the context of the color philosophies of red and white?

simple

red and white are not enemies at all

red is about freedom and impulsivity and emotion

white is about peace and justice and selflessness

both of those are deeply emotional, deeply raw, deeply human ideas!!

and the intersection of those ideas isn’t a controlling power structure, it’s compassion

and compassion is hardly oppositional - it’s cooperative and synthesistic by its very nature, it’s a harmonization of what those two colors are!

now admittedly this is where my perspective as an audhd trans girl comes in. i’m someone that the world’s power structures reject, someone that doesnt fit the status quo, someone who’s constantly shoved into boxes that i don’t fit by people more powerful than me. and i have kind of a thing for the color aesthetic of Boros, so trying to turn something i like aesthetically into something that meshes with and permits and supports who i am is a reasonable bias to assume

but i still feel like there’s a core truth to be considered here

games are a form of art; there’s plenty of evidence i think that the people making Magic realize this. but that drags in the corollary that all art is political. all art says something about the world, about the systems we live in. and what does the Boros say? that combining the philosophies of freedom and selflessness is a contradiction and leads to yet another oppressive power structure. it’s a subtly anti-revolutionary, status-quo perspective that could be done far better

more importantly, it’s eschewing that compassion

boros is a police state and a military structure, one that exists to enforce rules and make demands and enact violence

it’s not an institution of compassion

and frankly no top-down power structure can be, not at a systematic level

so, what would doing red-white right look like in my view?

pretty simple: it would be a bottom-up portrayal of the color pair. one where the defiance of red and the justice of white stand in opposition to an existing power structure, one where the righteous fury of the downtrodden feeds into both colors’ fundamental natures and binds them together

so uh

yeah

thank you for coming to my ted talk

okay so a couple final disclaimers

- the last time i seriously caught up with mtg lore was around Magic Origins, with sporadic involvement stretching out to Guilds Of Ravnica. i’m not terribly familiar with any of the expressions of RW since then, and i’m mostly focused on the lens of Boros specifically because they’re the faction that got me into the color pair. if there have since been counterexamples i will gladly accept infodumps, new blorbos to build TTS EDH decks around are always welcome (winota my beloved) (the cat ears,,, 🥺🥺🥺). this also extends to my understanding of magic’s development and philosophy as a whole, so if it seems like arguing from a Magic-cultural context that’s several years behind the curve uhhh yeah that’s probably why

- i’ll admit i’m not tremendously well-read in terms of firsthand literature in terms of leftist/anarchist theory, queer theory, or Magic’s color philosophies, and so most of my information is secondhand - if i’ve grossly misunderstood something feel free to explain (although if you’re going to be a TERF in the reblogs about it you can kindly go shit yourself)

- i mean no ill will and make no particular demands or anything towards the writers themselves who came up with boros or the ideas they’ve expressed through the faction/color-identity; it takes a certain perspective to notice these things and assuming people will just Get It is unreasonable, and i’m not here to like. Annoyingly Insist that the game i have a tangentialhyperfixation on conform to My Vision Of What It Should Be

and uhhh yeah! trans rights are human rights, free palestine, and wishing all capitalists a very fuck you!

sierra out, roll credits

[deltainfoteklive]

Tips to Learn Computer Programming

Embarking on a journey to learn computer programming can be both exciting and challenging. In today's digital age, programming skills have become increasingly valuable, opening up numerous opportunities in various fields. Whether you're a beginner or looking to enhance your existing coding prowess, this guide will provide you with actionable tips, insightful advice, and answers to common questions. Let's dive into the world of programming mastery! Tips to Learn Computer Programming 1. Start with the Basics Programming may seem intimidating, but everyone starts from scratch. Begin by grasping fundamental concepts like variables, data types, and control structures. Online platforms like Codecademy and Khan Academy offer beginner-friendly courses to kick-start your learning journey. 2. Choose the Right Language Selecting the appropriate programming language is crucial. Python, JavaScript, and Java are popular choices for beginners due to their versatility and extensive community support. 3. Set Clear Goals Define your objectives. Do you want to build websites, mobile apps, or delve into data science? Setting clear goals helps you stay focused and motivated. 4. Hands-On Practice Theory is essential, but practice is paramount. Apply what you learn through coding projects. Websites like LeetCode and HackerRank provide coding challenges that enhance problem-solving skills. 5. Break Down Complex Problems Tackle complex problems by breaking them into smaller, manageable tasks. This approach, known as "divide and conquer," simplifies the problem-solving process. 6. Utilize Online Resources Embrace the wealth of online tutorials, forums, and documentation available. Platforms like Stack Overflow are treasure troves of solutions to common programming queries. 7. Collaborate and Share Join coding communities and collaborate on projects. Peer feedback and collaboration provide new perspectives and insights. 8. Consistency over Intensity Consistency is key. Dedicate regular time to learning rather than cramming. Short, consistent sessions yield better results than sporadic, intense study sessions. 9. Learn from Mistakes Programming involves trial and error. Don't be discouraged by errors; instead, learn from them. Debugging is an essential skill that improves with practice. 10. Read Code Studying others' code enhances your coding style and problem-solving techniques. Open-source projects on GitHub offer a plethora of code to explore. 11. Stay Updated Technology evolves rapidly. Stay up-to-date with programming trends, tools, and languages. Following tech blogs and attending webinars can keep you in the loop. 12. Build a Portfolio Create a portfolio showcasing your projects. It serves as evidence of your skills and can impress potential employers or clients. 13. Seek Feedback Welcome constructive criticism. Feedback from experienced programmers helps you identify areas for improvement. 14. Teach Others Explaining code to others solidifies your understanding. Engage in mentorship or write blog posts about your coding journey. 15. Explore Advanced Concepts Once you've mastered the basics, delve into advanced topics like algorithms, data structures, and design patterns. These concepts form the backbone of efficient programming. 16. Attend Coding Bootcamps Coding bootcamps offer immersive, intensive learning experiences that fast-track your programming skills. 17. Networking Matters Networking opens doors to collaborations, job opportunities, and knowledge exchange. Attend tech meetups and conferences to expand your circle. 18. Stay Patient and Persistent Programming can be challenging, but perseverance pays off. Celebrate small victories and remain patient during setbacks. 19. Practice Problem-Solving Solving puzzles and brain teasers outside of coding sharpens your logical thinking, which is invaluable in programming. 20. Stay Curious Curiosity fuels learning. Explore new languages, frameworks, and tools to broaden your skillset. FAQs Q: How long does it take to learn programming?A: The duration varies based on factors like prior experience, chosen language, and dedication. It can take a few months to a year to become proficient. Q: Can I learn programming without a computer science degree?A: Absolutely! Many successful programmers are self-taught. A degree can be beneficial but is not a strict requirement. Q: Which programming language is best for beginners?A: Python is widely recommended for beginners due to its readability and versatility. Q: How can I overcome "coder's block"?A: Take breaks, work on a different project, or engage in coding challenges to overcome coder's block. Q: Are coding bootcamps worth it?A: Coding bootcamps offer intensive, focused learning experiences. They can be valuable for acquiring practical skills in a short time. Q: What are some real-world applications of programming skills?A: Programming skills are used in web development, app creation, game design, data analysis, and automation. Conclusion Learning computer programming is an empowering journey that opens doors to endless possibilities. By following these tips and embracing a growth mindset, you can develop coding skills that serve you well in the digital landscape. Remember, the key is consistency, practice, and a passion for continuous learning. So, dive into the world of programming with enthusiasm, and watch your skills flourish! Read the full article

[wordsnstuff]

Guide to Writing Dark Fantasy

Patreon || Ko-Fi || Masterlist || Work In Progress

–

What Is “Dark” Fantasy?

Dark Fantasy subscribes to the tropes and conventions of fantasy, while mixing in elements of the horror, thriller, and sometimes dystopia. Loosely, the magical elements of fantasy take a gloomier, more frightening turn. Dark fantasy is not simply “fantasy, but make it sexy or gory”. (I’m talking to those who cite Game of Thrones as an example of the genre.)

Yes, a lot of authors choose to incorporate heavier subject matter into dark fantasy stories, but things like rape and copious amounts of gore and death are not genre-defining. Darkness exists in every adult story, even if it’s only in symbolism, but the darkness in this sub-genre specifically persists throughout each scene and coats every element. This includes character development, plot development, world building, etc. 

Death Still Has to Mean Something

Something you have to understand about dark fantasy is that death can be a tool, but the nature of the genre shouldn’t make it any less impactful. When a side character or an extra gets killed, it should affect the reader emotionally, even if death is very common. If the death isn’t going to surprise them, it should unease or upset the reader. Death should never serve the purpose of filling space. 

Incorporate The Horrific

A lot of dark fantasy authors and writers have trouble or fail to incorporate the dark elements in a rounded, even manner. A lot of authors go for the “show the reader something undoubtedly tragic or traumatizing and the tone will endure” or the “if I sporadically kill characters for no apparent reason throughout the plot, the reader will stay disturbed and none will be the wiser”. 

The Villain Is The Key

The antagonist must be complex and compelling, and you have to use them well. Dark fantasy is a genre which depends on a fantastic villain or antagonist. It’s wise to create an antagonist whom the reader can understand, but who is severely misguided or obviously facing their own demons. Stories with a standard “I’m evil because my mommy didn’t love me” or “The world has been unkind to me so let there be fire” villain is outdated and, at this point, you have all the opportunity in the world to do better. 

If there’s one place where you should invest your creativity, make it the antagonist. 

The Darkness Is In Everything

Incorporating horrific things into fantasy is what makes this genre, true, but it has to be a consistent effort and an author must play the long-game. The darkness has to penetrate your word choice, the way you deliver new information in the text, the way you build up to important events, etc. The horror shouldn’t just spurt out every couple of chapters. You want to create a dark atmosphere, and an atmosphere must stretch beyond one or two scenes here and there.

Flawed vs. Unlikeable

This is a major downfall of a lot of dark fantasy works. It’s difficult to create a character whose flaws are so integral to the storytelling without making them unlikeable, but if you don’t toe this line carefully, your readers will put the story down. Yes, the character must be flawed and complex, and there are no heroes in the situation, but if there’s nobody to have hope for, then the reader will abandon the story. Nobody wants to sit and watch something that is sad and frustrating for the sake of depressing themselves. Well, some do, but not enough to convince someone there’s a market for your story.

Common Struggles

~ How do you craft a dark fantasy ending?... Not all pessimistic stories have to have a pessimistic ending. You can give your characters a positive outcome (or even just somewhat positive) without sacrificing the work you’ve done to maintain the genre’s tone and message. Most dark fantasy is about topics that are larger than the story itself, such as equality (in many aspects), existence, freedom vs. security, society vs. individuality, etc. Dark fantasy tends to branch off from the typical fantasy in terms of messaging because incorporating darker aspects of reality forces the reader to face harsher truths. Make your ending about what you want the reader to walk away with, and you should have no problem figuring out how to do it. 

~ How do you warn readers of possible triggers in non-fanfiction works?... Simply put, market your story honestly. Disclose any especially dark elements, and when advertising on platforms such as social media, perhaps provide an official disclaimer. The manner in which you warn readers of possible triggers is up to your own and whatever marketing team you have’s discretion.

~ How do you research dark topics while writing?... With purpose, caution, and practicality. I see a lot of posts that cover very tiny details that may go into fantasy, and while I encourage research of all kinds for every genre, I think fantasy is one where writers can get so caught up in getting every minute detail researched and recorded that they get burned out with their own ideas before they even put pen to paper. Research what you missed, then find holes as you write, and then do the rest of the research for the second draft once you’re finished with the first. Avoid burnout that comes with extensive research beforehand.

~ How do common fantasy tropes interact with darker aspects of the sub-genre?... There’s a lot of ways you can mix typical fantasy with typical horror/thriller and come out with dark fantasy. The main fantasy characteristics that persist in dark fantasy are setting and the way magic systems are executed in the story. Secondly, I see a lot of similarities in general world building. Where it deviates, I think, is in character development, plot structure, plot development, and messaging. The smaller events tend to be more mature, the character arcs turn more raw, the characters themselves are more flawed, and the plot develops in a much less linear fashion. The messages are heavier because the content is heavier. 

Other Resources

Resources For Fantasy/Mythology Writers

20 Mistakes To Avoid in Fantasy

Guide to Writing Fantasy

Guide to Story Researching

Commentary on Social Issues In Writing

On Writing About Sensitive Topics

Resources For Writing Royalty

Dark Quotes & Prompts

Angst Prompts

31 Days of Character Development : May 2018 Writing Challenge

Suspenseful Prompts

Sad Prompts

31 Days of World Building : August 2018 Writing Challenge

31 Days of Plot Development : January 2019 Writing Challenge

31 Days of Horror : October 2019 Writing Challenge

Resources For Creating Characters

Giving Your Protagonists Negative Traits

Writing Good Villains

Showing Vulnerability Without Death

Giving Characters Flaws

Creating Villains

Flipping Character Traits On Their Head

“Male characters are more relatable”

Tips on Character Motivations

Tips on Character Consistency

Resources For Plot Development

Guide To Plot Development

How To Write A Good Plot Twist

How To Foreshadow

Plot Structures

Describing Setting

Resources For Worldbuilding

Guide To Political World Building

Creating Diverse Otherworld Characters

Tips on Creating Magic Systems

Tips on Introducing Political Backstory

Resources For Writing (Global) Period Pieces : High Middle Ages & Renaissance

Resources For Writing (Global) Period Pieces : 1600s

Resources For Writing (Global) Period Pieces : 1700s

Resources For Writing (Global) Period Pieces : 1800s

Tips on Writing Fight Scenes

Tips on Writing Chase Scenes

How To Make The Journey Interesting

Tips For Horror Writers

Tips on Writing Pyschological Thrillers

10 Mistakes to Avoid in Horror

–

Masterlist | WIP Blog

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Shoutout to my $15+ patrons, Jade Ashley and Douglas S.!

[courtlyharlequin]

Congrats on hitting 1k Vivi!! ♪ (≧▽≦)

May I request a scenario with Azul and Jamil (separately) for your special blog event pls? Thankiess!

"May I have the honours of dancing with you on this lovely evening?" 🌸🌌🎶

Rain Check

A/N: Thank you so much, wifey~ I really appreciate your support!! Don’t think I don’t notice all of the nice tags you put in your reblogs of my work. You’re honestly so sweet and I love you so much. I went overboard with trying to include your favorite things into this request since I wanted to make it more heartfelt. I hope it’s not too out of character (I’m trying to get better at writing your oshis so I can snipe you but highkey I’m struggling /lh).... and that you like it! Again, thank you so much for all that you do for me <333

Azul Ashengrotto:

You swirled your straw in your beverage. With your head propped up against your hand, you sighed. Ice clinked against the glass. You crossed your legs, careful not to impale Azul with your heels. You frowned as his overcoat slipped off your shoulders, exposing your skin to Mostro Loungue’s frigid air conditioning.

“It would be a shame if we didn’t dance,” he said as you reached for the garment, draping over your shoulders once more.

His jacket nearly slipped off your shoulders again.

“But the ball was cancelled due to heavy rain.”

“I thought you liked the rain?”

“I do…”

Azul rose from his seat. You took in his outfit. You had seen it dozens of times this evening, but the ensemble never failed to take your breath away. It was a simple black tuxedo, much like the one he wore on the daily while working shifts at the lounge, but the white dress shirt was replaced with a charcoal gray. He opted for a bolo tie instead of his usual bow tie. The suit jacket, draped around your shoulders, was adorned with a floral corsage, matching the one you wore around your wrist.

You averted your gaze as he unbuttoned the top three buttons of his dress shirt.

“The storm won’t be letting up anytime soon so we can’t do any rain dancing, but it would be a shame to waste the evening wallowing away, don’t you think?” he smirked, offering you a hand.

He was right. There was no use in throwing a pity party for the both of you. The both of you had prepared for this evening for weeks. You both coordinated your outfits to a T. You were matching in every way possible. You mustered the courage to wear shoes with heels as well. While they weren’t stilettos, they took some time to get used to. You even took ballroom dancing classes with Azul, learning the basics of the waltz so as to not embarrass yourselves in front of the student body during such a grandiose event.

It was a shame that the rain had cancelled your plans, but the night was still young and it would be a waste if you had spent all that preparation only to sip on the Mostro Loungue’s Drink of the Day in silence.

You took his hand firmly. He smiled and led you to the small dance floor right in front of the lounge’s stage area. You were more than familiar with this space. It was a small space, but it was where many students came to watch Octavinelle members perform jazz numbers while they dined on whatever was on the menu for the evening.

Your breath hitched as Azul placed your arm on his shoulder.

“Ah. I almost forgot…”

“Hmm?”

He snapped his fingers. As if it was on cue, an upbeat, jazzy tune filled the empty lounge. The soft bass rumbled.

“Are you familiar with swing dancing?” Azul asked.

“I’ve heard of it, but I–”

You were cut off short.

You yelped as Azul pulled you along to the rhythm. It was nothing like ballroom dancing at all. Each movement was vigorous, sporadic, but it wasn’t terrible. In fact, it was oddly enjoyable. It was more like a freestyle. You laughed, trying to adapt to his swift movements.

Jamil Viper:

“It looks like the rain won’t be letting up anytime soon,” Jamil said, shutting his phone off.

You nodded, pulling his suit jacket over your shoulders. It wasn’t cold. You just liked the scent of his cologne. You scooted over, making room for him on the patio bench. His warmth sent shivers down your spine. Huddling together under a small structure waiting for the storm to die down was oddly intimate.

Of course, it wasn’t entirely necessary. It wasn’t raining cats and dogs, but it wasn’t a light drizzle either. Moreover, you adored the rain. The smell of petrichor was healing. The soft sound of droplets going pitter-patter against your window sill was soothing. It was a scenic phenomenon, one where time stood still.

You reached out, letting the rain lace its fingers with yours.

“Hey, Jamil,” you whispered.

He hummed in response, telling you to continue. His long locks bounced as he glanced over at you.

“Do you want to dance?”

“Hah?”

“Do you want to dance?” you repeated, rising from the bench.

His jacket slipped off your shoulders. It neatly found its place at your seat.

“In the rain?”

“Where else?”

“Won’t we catch a cold?”

“Perhaps.”

“We should wait for the storm to pass.”

“Jamil,” you whined.

“What am I going to do when we both catch a cold?”

“We spent all this time preparing, what was it all for?”

“The dance.”

“Which was cancelled.” he deadpanned.

He crossed his arms. You pursed your lips.

“Just one dance?”

“In the rain?”

“Yes, in the rain.”

He sighed and reluctantly took your hand. You pulled him into the center of the school courtyard, letting the rain fall onto your clothes. He rolled his eyes and you giggled. The droplets were ticklish, but certainly not unwelcomed.

“I’ll take full responsibility if we get sick.”

Jamil spun you around and dipped you. You closed your eyes, rain soaking into your skin.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

[kaekiro]

The Taste of Rainwater

Pairing: Eren/Mikasa II Rating: T II Words: 2654 II [AO3] Warnings: none A/N: Because ngl I was disappointed with the short story about EM taking shelter from the rain and also because I like writing first kisses/eren looking out for mikasa 😊

At first, she mistook the droplet that slid from her bangs to her cheek as her own sweat. She felt it run down to her jawline and watched it seep into the clearing of dirt at her boots, thinking nothing of it as she adjusted her grip on the wooden ax and swung it with precision. A slight sting at her palm made her pause to look at it, and she sighed, the red and irritated skin of her upper palm tender as she flexed her hand. Blisters would form if she didn’t stop soon. After setting the newly split logs onto the sizable pile she had going, she lifted a forearm and wiped away remnants of the droplet. As she stood to her full height to relax her arms and back, the pent up tension released and dissipated like steam, leaving behind the beginnings of sore muscles. It was relieving to feel the breeze in her hair, how it rustled the looser parts of her clothing and cooled her skin. But it suddenly got colder, stronger, carrying thicker droplets that splashed directly on the tip of her nose and exposed forearms. The tree branches swayed sporadically, warning her of the kind of storm that was coming but the distinct scent and sounds of thunder rumbling in the air were confirmation enough. She tried to move fast to gather a good amount of logs to keep dry for later, yet it was of little avail. Before she knew it, she was running through the rain with the ax in one hand and a pitiful number of logs clutched at her side. Though it would’ve been ideal to go inside the cabin where the wood was needed, the icy water that was beginning to soak her hair and seep through her clothes forced her to temporarily shelter in the stables housing the few horses they had. 

She had huffed out an irritable breath the moment she stepped beneath the old roof of the stables, both at her small dilemma and at the mix of dirt and rain that left a burning sensation in her eye. She promptly dropped the wood on the ground, trying to blink away the feeling when his voice nearly made her jump. 

She looked over her shoulder, relaxing as she recognized him and said his name in greeting. He stepped forward and pulled down the cloth covering the bottom half of his face, abandoning his broom alongside the pitchfork leaning against a splintered stud. Eren eyed the ax in her hand, then the logs at her feet as he removed his gloves and haphazardly pocketed them, meeting her gaze again when he was an arm’s length away and she turned to face him properly. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I just… got caught in the heavy rain. I meant to go inside but…” 

She falters as the burning sensation at her eye persists, making her close it tight in a feeble attempt to get rid of it. She raises a hand, intending on using the back of her bandaged wrist to rub at it but he stops her before she can, using his grip to lower her wrist back at her side. 

“Your bandages and hands have dirt, don’t rub at your eye.”

“But—”

“Here, I’ll help you.” His clothes rustle, and he produces what looks like a handkerchief. 

“Try to keep still,” he quietly instructs, and though his voice is low, would have otherwise been inaudible beneath the sound of the pouring rain, she seizes up in a way that makes it hard to focus on anything else. He curls his fingers over her shoulder as a way to keep her steady, and through the thin cloth pressing against her face, she feels the paralyzing heat of his hand. Reflexively, she tenses as the cotton carefully swipes over the inner corner and just beneath her lash line, drying her watering eye as gently as possible until it finally soothed. She blinks a few times, relieved until she realizes how close he has leaned in, his bright eyes focused on hers. Involuntarily, her gaze flickers between his eyes and mouth.

“Better?” 

She swallows around the dryness in her throat, opting to stare down at the laces of his shirt and simply nod against the hand at her face, murmuring her thanks.  Seemingly unaware of the effect his proximity has on her, she feels him give a nod of his own. As Eren takes a step back, the bit of warmth she felt moves away with him and leaves her unable to help the slight shiver that goes through her body. 

“Are you also working alone today?” she asks as casually as she can manage, walking towards a stream of rainwater leaking through the roof to clean some of the dirt from her hands. The cold temperature of it hurts, but she bears with it, eventually moving back to her original spot near Eren when she’s done. Her arms cross and she loosely grips her biceps, rubbing them to try and keep warm. Both of them watch the rain come down. 

“I had Connie here with me. But he left a little while ago to grab other tools we needed to take care of the horses… he’s probably waiting out this downpour somewhere nearby.” 

“Oh,” is all she says, half distracted by the messy pile of logs. A lone log sits at her side and she nudges it back towards the rest with the tip of her boot. His snort startles her a bit, and he nods towards the wood when she gives him a questioning look. 

“I’m surprised. Is that all you were able to chop today?” 

She sighs. “No, I had more. But I couldn’t grab enough of them before it started pouring.” 

He does it again, breathing out a small laugh that she hasn’t heard in some time. He seems to be in a better mood for some reason, and she nearly points it out but quickly decides not to.  She didn’t want to make it seem like it was a strange thing to smile and laugh, or make him self-conscious about it. It felt better to just simply witness him act a bit more like he used to.

“I’m not trying to make fun of you, I just can’t believe that Mikasa Ackerman, one of humanity's strongest soldiers, lost a battle to some rain and logs.” 

She hums, amused. “Yeah… I barely made it out alive.” There’s a sense of accomplishment as her remark makes his grin broaden, but it falters completely when a flash of lightning draws their attention back to the storm outside. A gust of wind blows through the stables, causing the old structure to creak at its weakest points. Her eyes screw shut and she hugs herself tighter, fighting off the chill that worsens with her wet clothes. She breathes out shakily once it passes, focusing so much of her attention on trying to still her shivering hands that she doesn’t notice him taking off his hooded sweater. The long black material is wrapped securely around her shoulders and she touches it, looking up at him curiously. He scratches the back of his head. 

“I didn’t realize that you were cold until just now, sorry.” 

She smiles softly, choosing not to pose a question at the kind gesture. Instead, she shakes her head, pushing her arms through the sleeves and tugging the ends of his sweater tighter around her. “Thank you.” 

They lean on opposite sides of a post supporting the aged structure, one that stands just before the opening of the stables, and they talk. They share a few stories of things that happened while the other wasn’t present, talk of upcoming plans for the scouts, stuff they and Armin should do on their days off, make mentions of little unimportant things in between, and to her pleasant surprise, Eren cracks another small joke. They chuckle, and she decides that the sudden storm wasn’t a misfortune after all. She steps over to his side to respond once they quiet down, yet the sight of him struck something within her. This time, there’s nothing to keep him from smiling, and she knows it's completely genuine in the way it softens and lifts his features. The mere fact of it has her own smile widening. She stares at his smile adoringly, stares and wishes she could see it more often until she closes her eyes and notes how sweet it feels against her own lips. The sensation lasts for half a second though, because his initial reaction quickly alerts her of her mistake. His breath stutters and his body goes stiff at her sudden romantic gesture, causing her to drop the hand gripping the front of his shirt. She doesn’t even remember reaching for it. Their lips part and she blushes intensely at the sound. 

They look at one another with wide eyes, her fingers partially covering her mouth in shock. 

“U-um,” she begins clumsily, unsure of what exactly she intends to say or how to explain herself. Should she apologize? Why did she even do that? While she did feel more at ease and comfortable with him at that moment… that’s how she usually was when they spent time together. What was different this time that made it feel so natural to kiss him the way she did? And what was he thinking? Could it be that he was upset at her? 

“I don’t…” she says slowly, shrinking under his gaze. “I don’t know why I did that…” 

His lack of response is anything but reassuring, gives her all the more reason to leave with her pitiful pile of logs. Ashamed, she averts her eyes and takes a step backward, thinking it best to give him space and talk about it later, if he even wanted to see her later after what she just did. But he is quick to stop her by hooking his fingers into the hood just before she moves out of his reach, coaxing her to look at him by tugging on the crook of her elbow when she keeps her back to him. Hyper aware of the single touch between them, the firmness of his grip, she lifts her eyes from the ground and looks over her shoulder. 

“Did you mean it?” 

They do not react to the clap of thunder that begins to agitate the horses, or to the chilled gust of wind that threatens the old structure of the stables once more. She is uncomfortably warm as they simply stare at one another, and her heart beats louder in her ears when she finds that she cannot decipher his expression. He begins to pull, guiding her closer and, being as flighty as she is, she resists. He recoils slightly, hurt glinting in his eyes as he releases her arm. Through her addled thoughts, she realizes that she accidentally conveyed the wrong message. She mentally curses, feeling guiltier and looking even more helpless. His question echoes in her ears again. Yes, she thinks, yes I did mean it. But there is a disconnect between what she wants to say and what she actually does, which has her panicking a bit because she senses that something is beginning to slip away the longer she stays quiet. It’s enough to make her momentarily cast aside any reservations and the need for words, to boldly step out of her comfort zone and back into his personal space. Balancing on her toes, she pushes her lips against his, unmindful of her fierceness in her state of desperation and panic. She gives him a hard and rather quick kiss, immediately pulling back to gauge his reaction and perhaps apologize, but she doesn’t get the chance because his hands are suddenly hot on her face and bringing her back to back to him. 

Bit by bit, the tension within her unravels and she starts to relax, consciously leaning more into his touch and body. Eren thumbs away the trail of rainwater that dripped from her bangs to her face, pausing to comment how cold her nose and hands are before muffling her apology with his lips. He holds each kiss for a long second like he’s savoring them, eventually moving to trail his hands down the column of her neck and across her back. He clutches the dark material of his sweater and breathes shakily against her mouth when she fills the last bit of space between them. As they strike a rhythm, the intensity of their kiss increases as does her sensitivity to his touch, an airy sigh of his name escaping from her mindlessly. He grips her harder at the sound and she’s gasping, both in surprise and for breath. It’s almost too much, and yet she can’t help but reciprocate by slipping her fingers beneath the neckline of his shirt and wrapping an arm tight around his shoulders— 

A loud curse cuts through the air, followed by the noise of items falling into one another in equal volume. She and Eren jump apart, breathing heavily as a lone metal bucket that has fallen on its side rolls into the stables, coming to a stop between the two of them. An irritated Connie trudges in soon after with his arms full of miscellaneous tools and one side of his body completely coated in mud, the other drenched with rainwater. 

“Sorry I took so long, Eren, I was going to wait out the worst of the storm but the Captain noticed and —” he yelps and wobbles, nearly tripping over the logs she abandoned on the ground. He wonders aloud where they came from, kicking them in further agitation until his eyes land on her. All three of them freeze. 

“Mikasa?” 

She jolts slightly when he calls her name, mentally scrambling to find something to do or say to take his attention off of her. 

“Connie…” she starts, looking pointedly at his clothes and evening out her breath as subtly as she can. “What happened to you?” 

To her temporary relief, Connie remembers why he was upset and bitterly explains that he was running through the rain trying to come back, but slipped and fell into the puddle of mud just a few feet away. 

“Are you alright?” she responds, briefly wondering why Eren hasn’t spoken up yet. 

“Yeah, I’ll live. I just don’t know why the Captain is in such...” Connie’s grimace from pulling at his own clothes fades as he looks at her, finishing his sentence a bit absently, “a rush...”

She remembers that she’s wearing Eren’s sweater as Connie stares at it directly, and it takes everything to keep her expression neutral as she awkwardly slips it off her shoulders. She holds it out for Eren to take, and her composure nearly breaks at the sight of him. The tips of his ears are burning red, his mind clearly somewhere other than in the present and she has to push the sweater into his chest for him to finally snap out of it. 

“It’s uh, it’s probably because it’s getting late in the afternoon, Connie,” Eren manages after clearing his throat. “He… probably has other plans for us tomorrow, or something.”

Her heart races as their friend doesn’t reply and instead looks between the two of them with a weird expression. 

“I should probably get those logs inside,” she says aloud, more to herself and as an excuse to escape. It’s so uncomfortably silent between the three of them as she prepares to leave, and she struggles to ignore the weight of Eren’s and Connie’s eyes on her when she uncharacteristically fumbles with the logs and ax. Careful to avoid the puddle Connie slipped in, she eventually makes it back to the cabin, well aware that the speed of her breath and pulse has nothing to do with her running through the rain.

[probablyajedi]

Fiction is Fiction - Actions are Reality

-I'm tired of feeling like Jane Eyre on the stool with the sign on her neck saying she is a liar. I'm tired of other people deciding who I am based on what other people say about me. I'm tired of my interests being used as some psychological profile of what kind of monster I am.

Fiction:

I'm a reylo fan, so I'm a supporter of abusive relationships and an abuser apologist. This also means that I am racist and hate John Boyega.

I'm asexual, so I'm prejudice against sex and romantic relationships. I'm basically an incel.

I'm half white, so I'm racist against people of color.

I'm half Japanese, so I'm racist against other Asians.

I'm in college, so I'm a sjw snowflake who doesn't understand the real world.I'm clinically depressed and have an anxiety disorder, so I'm sensitive about everything. I cry all the time about things that aren't real and I expect everyone to just hand me things.

Reality:

I am a college student working hard to get a degree which is taking way too long. I write fanfic sporadically in my free time. I like watching cartoons and movies. I work in the IT department for my university to support my younger brother and myself. I cook all our meals and help him with his coursework when I'm not busy.

My father is a Japanese National who has been living in the country since he was eight years old. My mother is from the midwest. None of us are racist. My family is very liberal and none of us share the same religious practices. My dad is Shinto. My mom is Catholic. My brothers are atheist and Budhist. I am undecided.

We supported the BLM movement in out small town in Michigan and marched in our town's first pride parade. One of my brothers went to homecoming with a nonbinary friend as their date.

I'm a fan of gothic romance novels, nonfiction biographies, fantasy novels, and classic literature. I like literary structure and storytelling. I write as a hobby because it is my first love. I am in the STEM field and creative writing is my outlet.

My interest in reylo is in the dynamic of enemies to lovers. It is by no means a well written or good example. The canon is a mess. My best friend and I rewrote TROS as a fanfic because we were so angry with how the trilogy ended. We are not racist. We adore all of the sequel characters and feel there is a place for them in this series.

I don't know how else to tell you all this, but I'm not the monster you think I am. I'm not even close. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm a very boring person. I just happen to like things that you don't.

For every pervert and toxic person in the fandom that you want to punish, there are hundreds like me who just are here to share something we enjoy. It is not your job to "save our souls" or "punish the wicked". You are just reflecting the behavior that you find so objectionable. It's a feedback loop of anger and pain which is hurting everyone.

Fiction is Fiction

Actions are Reality

@lordsofthesithpodcast @f3dorafangirl @gabriella0807 @burnt-kloverfield

[goatsandgangsters]

for the trans ask game, 13 and 31 :)

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

TOP SURGERY BABEYYYYYYYYY!!!! 

I have absolutely no idea when that might happen, because pandemic. But I had a telehealth consult back in September. My therapist and my PCP are ready to write me the insurance letters whenever it feels like time to move forward. But I’m a little stuck in this process right now, again because pandemic—which is not only a question of “are surgeries being performed/is it safe to get them,” but also “who can be part of my post-op care” and “do I have the emotional energy to work towards this in the middle of a pandemic.” 

I don’t have plans for T, but it’s also... not off the table. I go back-and-forth in how I feel about T, but I’m not someone who does anything until I’m like 1000000% sure and then I make myself wait another three months JUST IN CASE. I used to think it wasn’t even an option, because I thought of hormones as a very binary “either never or for the rest of your life” and I didn’t know that low-dose T was a thing—so finding out I have more options and flexibility than I realized opened up the possibility. (“I don’t have definite plans for T,” I say, while knowing the exact steps I would need to start T, deciding that I want gel over injections and that I would want to only do a lower dose but would likely stop at some point, and watching yet another youtube video about changes on low-dose T). Sometimes I’m like YES PLEASE and sometimes I’m like hmm no thank you, so I’m just not going to do anything about T right now and focus instead on top surgery—because that’s something I know definitively that I want, there’s no doubt or hesitation in my mind, and I’ve consistently wanted a flat chest for years.  

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

Well, pre-pandemic, I had finally gotten very involved with the trans community IRL and it was amazing. Towards the end of 2018, I started going to a trans support group (which sounds more structured than it was, but maybe that’s just my misperception of support groups. it was basically trans people sitting around in a circle going “who wants to moderate today” and then collecting a list of topics/questions that people wanted to explore or get advice/help on) and then we’d all go out to dinner afterwards! So it was great because I got to spend a lot of time talking to trans people, listening to trans people, hearing different experiences, and also just being social with trans people. 

I also made friends that I would hang out with outside of the group. A handful of friends on the transmasculine spectrum (some trans men, some nonbinary) started doing monthly dinners where we’d cook together and be vulnerable and talk about specific intersections of transness and masculinity and that was really nice. We’d also just hang out socially, go shopping together, have get-togethers for birthdays, etc. 

The support group did move online when the pandemic started but I haven’t gone, partly because I don’t think it’d be the same, partly because I don’t have the energy, partly because of the sunk cost fallacy that I haven’t gone since so I’m going to continue not going. I’ve done a couple sporadic zoom hangouts with my friends though, and we’re going to try and set up more regular zoom hangouts this year. 

[Trans ask game! What has been your gender journey?]

[artpoint420]

Melvin and the Silent Diagnosis for a Brilliantly Broken Psyche

Hypothetical Diagnosis Insecurity masked with narcissistic tendencies characterized with compulsive obsessions driven by blatant autism, and no that is not an immature insult I test extremely highly for Asperger's myself Here's the Evidence: (I will state before hand that Melvin-borg is a completely separate character in my mind, and thus will not be included in this particular theory.  Melvin decided not to turn out like him, so they are canonically separate characters) He is obviously and frequently inspired by George and Harold, but his deeply embedded fear of rejection makes him dangerously bitter, and it doesn't help that everytime he breaks out of this protective shell, he is rejected or betrayed once again. It’s important to note that while he may be high-functioning (aka: Aspergers) he is still Autistic. That’s because Asperger’s is not a form of autism- it is autism. Period. And any kind of autism or mental attypicality left untreated can develop in to many, many other severe mental disorders, or, in general, make life a metric heck ton harder and complicated than it already is. I also need to confess that I test highly positively for autism myself as well as being an INTP female (Myers-Briggs Personality Test). Not to brag, but all that combined with my naturally creative nature makes me rare af, but it also means I can't communicate or handle stress #liketheothergirls, so that has lead me to being/feeling bullied and ostracized.  I also have anxiety and depression issue which run in my family, and mild insomnia, and may or may not be relapsing into an eating disorder. Paired with psychical problems like acid reflux and severe neck tension, health, whether psychical or mental is of uttermost importance to me.  It suffices to say, autism is not easy to deal with and if not taken care for properly a person, especially if not made at least aware of what autism truly is, it can truly ruin their life. Combined with the neglectful nature of his parents (at least in the books) I and many others in this fandom truly believe Melvin is at least autistically coded. Not only does this fit the archetype of his character but it also fits the theme of the books to a TEE. At its core, CU, of all things, is a children's book series, about living your best life despite not being “normal.” Even characters like the teachers or Mr Krupp who strive for “normality” are shown to actually have deeply repressed creativity, or, in some cases, deep trauma from their own childhoods. It suffices to say that I resonate deeply with Melvin. Say what you want about him or me, I was able to relate to him the second he spoke his first line in the second book. Sorry to turn this into a long vent, but I feel it is best to use myself to support this theory as well as harder evidence, even if it is mostly a means of self-therapy. To start, we both are obsessed with school even to a detrimental degree. Ever since head-start (Pre-K but a million times better), these "book-smarts" were the first thing I ever truly excelled at. When the other kids bullied (or as I now know as teasing) me, I would lose myself in a stack of homework or a book 2-3 grades past my grade level (this is before I drew or wrote as a main hobby). Similarly, Melvin is rarely seen without a book or gadget, just like me. We both over analyze things and hide our feelings. We both have intense crushes on others but are terrified to dare express them, or do but to nothing but awkwardness. We were both science kids, and fascinated by words and/or numbers alone (I still am just in a more artistic way). We both struggle to communicate and relate to others. We both have a unusual sense of humor and are highly observant of surroundings all the while missing what’s in front of our noses. We both have interests that quickly spiral into obsessions and dropping the obsession only when sick of it. We both practice similar forms of stimming. We both not only thrive but crave control and structure with the world around us, even to the point of being "control freaks" and creating odd habits, routines, and rituals regardless of whether they are necessary or make sense. We both have an intense fear of intimacy and rejection to the point of practicing self-isolation and in some cases self harm or other unhealthy coping methods (seen with Melvin over eating sweets or over working himself. For me it’s disordered eating or self flagellation, something I have all but completely dropped but still) We also both tend to see ourselves as inferior to others and attempt to mask those feelings with a superiority complex (I feel bad for my siblings but I didn’t know what I was doing, and no it was not abusive just sibling rivalry and I’m the oldest anyway, and we are country kids and understand “rough-housing” =/= using each other as a punching bag, but accidents happen I'm sorry) We both seem to become easily overstimulated and have explosive mental and emotional breakdowns when things just . . . become too much However the harsh divide between male and female and fictional and nonfictional means we both present certain traits differently. Whereas he presents a more linear line of thinking my mind is overwhelmingly sporadic. Also, I have over sensitivities to touch and light (and sometimes certain noises, but not anything not normal? Wfk.) But maybe he does have oversensitivity but I can't think of an example off the top of my head. Enough about me however. I know Melvin and autism has been done to death.  Hell, I just did it to death.  My actual theory is more on the inner mechanisms of his mind and predicting how he will develop should the series allow for full character development. Also, similar to my Krupp theory, I will be listing his crimes out and give him a proper sentence for his age and maturity level (which will be light as I am sympathetic to his plight).   This is already getting too long, so Imma try to finally get to the point.  Characters with autism are honestly a mixed bag, sometimes there as standardized as my mystery Daddy Sherlock Holmes and other times they are as subtle as Pearl or Peridot from Steven Universe (has Rebbaca Sugar confirmed this? sorry). Honestly, it does distress me that autism is almost always used to have an evil genius character or some weird side character for brownie/ diversity points. (this makes me a bit hypocritical I guess, considering my own stories. I guess tropes are tropes for a reason) And while Dav Pilky May not be subtle with his scholastic politics or humor his one spectacular tool in his writing books has always been, when it comes to his characters, showing instead of telling. This is something I latched on to even as a kid, and I was already thinking up theories on the characters before I even knew character theories were a thing.  Like what happened to Harold's Dad (hint, hint).  Why was Harold's sister rarely used?  Does Mr Krupp actually like their comics (a now accepted theory, but not just min? And many many others I'm probably never gonna write.  It took until how long in the books to reveal George and Harold have ADHD? Before that they were simply described as being as smart as Melvin but just in different ways. Personally I feel that autism is inverted ADHD. This is an opinion I’ve recently formed so if I’m wrong bloody attack me in the comments. Anyway, Melvin presenting autism makes him the perfect foil to George and Harolds’ more sporadic antics. The only true difference between autistic folks and ADHD folks is that those with autism tend to crave a structured environment full of rules, and set goals to achieve, while such an environment is HELL to children with ADHD (aka:George and Harold). (Even though if with adults they can trust, children with ADHD thrive in structured environments if they are surrounded by adults or authority figures they can trust.)  I know some will tell me ADHD is on the spectrum, but I just learned this like actually the other day and don’t fully understand it.  My prediction is that Melvin will eventually and naturally mellow out if just because staying so high strung all the time is a huge waste of mental energy.  I know good as hell I had to.  Also, he mellowed our in the books and went from a screeching revenge exacting lil narcissistic white boi prick to a person who simply wants to pursue his interests and even helping George and Harold (selfishly, but help nonetheless). He even went from enjoying the fame and attention of hero-ing to realizing it did not fufill him. Indeed quite the opposite.  His true passion lay in solving world problems through science, and I don't think the ending for him in the books could have been any more perfect considering his character.   In the Netflix show, similar to how I think Krupp's personalities are merging, I believe that Melvin will eventually become more like his Broski alter ego (which I calmly demand more of).  Overall, given that this show needs to go back to the status quo more often than not, I don't think his core character will ever change, and it doesn't need to.  Multiple times throughout the series he's been shown to crave friendship from George and Harold, despite audibly hating him . Textbook Tsundere, I know.  He will form a friendly rivalry with George and Harold, I have almost no doubt about that, taking the season 1 finale, season 2 finale, season 3 first episode, and halloween special into consideration. (Yeah, if someone will send me clips I will give them my eternal gratefulness) To conclude, because by god this is long, Melvin is, SHOCKER, just a little kid.  A little kid who likes muffins and dolls and has big hopes and dreams.  A little kid whose love for science and unrecognized creativity is channeled into making inventions that are even more impressive than those of Professor P (sorry P).  But he is a little kid with his own needs and stuggles which at this point remain unmet.  His parents are canonically neglectful, I cannot repeat that enough times.  The effects of neglect are a hell-hole of its own regardless of growing up with undiagnosed autism.  But that's just a theory- Alright, that was a banger, I guess next up is Melvin-borg since writing this has given me some interesting ideas for him.  Let’s see how long this hyperfocus train will go!

[comicteaparty]

June 27th-July 3rd, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from June 27th, 2020 to July 3rd, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

If you could do your webcomic for a living, how would that change things in regards to how you work on it (if at all)?

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'd definitely put out more content, cause I could focus on it fully every day of the week.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i would probably start hating it and get burnt out

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats why I would also have to start another comic or do short stories on the side or something, too.

I would probably keep individual comics update schedules the same, I'd just do more comics

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

If it became a part-time job, I don't think anything would change. It kind of feels like that already. If I were in a position where it became a full-time job, I do dread how my relationship with the work would change. I don't think I could ever make as much doing comics as I do in my day job (which isn't crazy, but is comfortable) so I don't know if I could ever 100% transition unless it was really, really worth it It's something I've thought about a lot, for sure.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

In a way, my comic is my full-time job? I don't make very much money with it, but I do put over 40 hours a week into it, and I don't have another job. I am in the very fortunate position of having an SO who is able to support me financially while I try to get my footing with my passion. If I was depending on it for a paycheck though, the main thing that would change is my style would probably get simpler, because there is no way I can make enough pages a week otherwise.

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

It is really the dream to be able to do it! Right now I am unemployed, so I basically treat the comic as my fulltime job, until I find the next short project. I want to be able to work on it full time! In Denmark there are some cool possibilities to get funding from the government and I hope we can get enrolled with some of those programs with our comic.

I would also just love to do small videos, podcasts, animations etc. Small fun projects

Mitzi (Trophallaxis)

If I had to do it full time, I think i'd put a LOT more hours into learning how to paint, watching speedpaints, ect. It'd also make a huge difference in my living situation, as the first thing I'd honestly do with a full time at-home job is move to another city with cheaper rent. Another state, maybe! Oh, and I'd do a lot more promo work. posters and animations are fun, but they're not quite worth it with an audience consisting of two my writing partner's friends, and my older brother.

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

the biggest difference, I suppose, would be that I would make a lot more pages, a lot faster. But I like it that it's been pointed that the relationship with work changes when you have to do things full time, so there may be some unpredictable variables there

eliushi [Keyspace]

For a living for me can mean many different things: able to sustain living expenses vs full-time. There’s overlap but one gives financial security meaning an element of creative freedom. The opposite end will probably entail working on other comic projects with the current one as a passion story on the side (no change but probably might not want to draw so much after drawing for work!) If we’re discussing the ability to do the webcomic full time without financial worries then I do believe my output will increase but also I will be dedicating more time to the craft (studying story structures, art directions etc) as well as marketing/joining professional associations/pitching/connections. There are a lot of career options within the comic world and I’d love to explore everything before deciding what’s best for the current story. Ultimately if I were to do this as a living, I’d treat it like any other job: a routine, a strive for improvement, and wellness to recharge. I follow several artists not only for their art but also their schedule/workflow to see what worked for others. It’s very interesting!

In reality though, I might work on smaller scale projects on the side to build up the experience and platform needed to tell the story of Keyspace. As a full time comic creator, I’ll be seriously thinking to covert the seven novel series into a hug comic project. So TL;DR if full time, I make more pages

varethane

I'm in an odd place with my comic because.... well, I sort of had an opportunity to spend all of my time on it for a few months, when I was in between contracts at work. But I found that I wasnt getting it done all that much faster than I did when also working full time

To be fair, it's kind of hard to compare my speed between the three periods, because when I returned to work after a few months away, it was after work from home had started and now I no longer have a commute, so perhaps my ability to squeeze comic pages into my free time has expanded.... but I feel like my attention span caps out around 8 hours on any single task

So I didnt work that much faster. But... I'm also bad at keeping track. I could be wrong.

Yung Skrimp (Carefree)

8 hours is a long attention span

varethane

It's not all in one go, haha.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I definitely have to take breaks between pages, whether or not I have just a few minutes to a chunk of hours

It’s about finding a balance that works for you!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't think I could put more hours daily into my comic than I currently do. I have a chronic issue with my drawing shoulder, so my body won't be able to handle that much work. Probably wouldn't be great for my eyes, either. I also don't know if I want my livelihood to depend on how many people like my story. This story is a pair of custom-tailored skinny jeans for my heart (and I have an unusual body type, making it impossible to wear skinny jeans regardless of size). It's a story I want to read. It's meant to fit ME. I don't want to worry about how to also make it fit a bunch of other people.

That being said, some people do find themselves in a situation where they're making something they want to read, and a bunch of other people just happen to like it, too. I think that would be nice

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I physically can‘t draw for more than four, five hours a day, found that out the hard wayy

eliushi [Keyspace]

I most recently developed pain likely due to RSI and have made accommodations since then but yeah it was scary to think that I have a limit in drawing time. Gotta find ways to take care of yourself for the long run

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I think if comics were my only job, I'd feel a lot more anxious about what I create, and would struggle to work consistently. Having another pursuit makes me feel like I have more freedom to experiment, learn, and make what I want to make.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

That's a really good point keii

Would drawing a comic for a living push me to change it to have more mass appeal?

I don't know but it is definitely possible and would be on my mind

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

It is the dream, if I could get a decent monthly wage on my comic, yes I will dedicate more time, work out a better schedule. Get an editor and colourist on board to help make a polished series. Altho I'm still doing this method to build good working habits But I agree with Eli's point, have to assign days for breaks for myself to prevent RSI. At present I have a trained mindset to work on schedules, but I may feel the pressure to produce as fast as I could.(edited)

Desnik

Well, for starters, my comic would actually be released somewhere, so it'd be nice if it made something back for me

Miranda

I’d actually release it. And work on it regularly, instead of sporadically like I have been! I’d definitely be more critical of what I was doing, and probably way more anxious every time I posted.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

You know, when I was only like 6 years old, I was like "I don't want to be an artist when I grow up. I love art too much, and I don't want to burn out and stop enjoying it. So I'm gonna be a singer instead." I have no idea how 6-year-old me knew about burnout, but I definitely remember saying that in response to an adult asking something like "what do you wanna be when you grow up"/ "wow, you're drawing all the time; do you want to become an artist?"

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

The more I do comics the more I think I want to do art stuff as part of my main career. I would love to make sequential art that's for science purposes

sagaholmgaard

Ah that would be the dream! I'd probably feel more secure in my ability to build up a backlog of pages, and be able to make more extra content for the PDF version! And more content for instagram and twitter as well

kayotics

If I were to be able to do comics full time I think it would completely change my current lifestyle. Not even money wise but I’d need to switch up a lot of things. Like make sure I get a good amount of exercise in. I’d probably add in another page a week, but then use the rest of my week to project manage the comic, and promote my work. I’d spend a lot of other time working on creating an online store, because I can’t see the comic working full time without some supplemental merch keeping me afloat. And I’d also use that time to create and work on another comic series I think.

Yung Skrimp (Carefree)

If I were to do comics full time I’d flex on everyone I know

Feather J. Fern

If I was able to do comics full time, be able to pay off debts, substain rent and food, and extra saved for small spluges, I will shove my comic in my family's face(I got a family who doesn't believe in me at all), dancing around screaming "I MADE IT IN LIFE" And then jump out the window because haha this can't be a reality because I don't think I will ever make it in comics. I will still keep my other job of working at a library and drawing on the side becuase I want working job insurance and also I am the type who wants to save all their money if possible(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I was on board until jumping out the window

Yung Skrimp (Carefree)

I wasn't on board until jumping out the window

Now I am

Moral_Gutpunch

If I could do this for a living, I could do so much. I could afford to put my mother ina home, start my dream farm and start a bunch of conservation as well, I could help my husband fund his own sidegig, and I could afford to foster pets like I always wanted.

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Personally, if I was able to do it I would be a lot more invested in it. I would also make a lot less excuses as to why I'm not practicing as much; it took a pandemic to happen for me to dry taking it more seriously!

I think overall I might have been more happy.

On the other hand, there's also the danger of burnout, of constantly doing the same thing over and over again for me. I'm the type that needs constant change, so I think I'm more suited to having another occupation be my main profession while comics/art would be a secondary one, where I don't have as much pressure. Furthermore, it's also my backup plan in case anything happens to my main job.

Moral_Gutpunch

^ This. I'd be focusing so much more on comics. And I'd be expanding into more comics and writing more stories. I'd be happier I'm writing more, but more frustrated at writers block

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Man if I could do it full time, might be able to pull more page updates and actually get deep into doing some long term projects I had planned for years. I won't have much of an issue as long i can also do my zine projects on the side. also would be nice to have some job insurance too along with it lmao. the only danger that could take it away if I get incapacitated for no reason lmao

TaliePlume

If I could do comics as my full time job would be awesome! But all that focus would go only to the comic and nothing else which is bad because I would be neglecting a lot of things and not getting other things done.

AntiBunny

I'd finally be able to tell my whole story and start telling another. It drives me crazy that I have more ideas than I can pursue.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

In terms of my actual production, I'm not sure doing my comic as a living would change much lol. I already spend upwards of 40 hours a week on it, I seriously doubt there's more I could be doing. So, earning a living off my comic would just be... one less thing to worry about.

[arihi]

NaNoWriMo #6: Content Creation

I hope y’all are enjoying this month! So many kinksters are posting tons of content as part of NaNoWriMo or Hypnovember or whatever it is that drives us to make content! Which brings me to today’s topic: content creation. Not hypnosis-related, a meta sort of talk on content.

Something I’ve heard before is to have a job and a hobby distinct from one another, and that people who work in fields they previously loved and enjoyed quickly begin to resent it. I don’t know how realistic that is. I’ve never really had a particular field I had a passion for. There’s also the criticism I hear often that people who pursue growth in their passions and hobbies will inevitably hit the question of “you should sell that!” or questions otherwise asking about how they plan to incorporate it into a money-making venture. it’s flattering, yes, but also can be stifling - once the pressure of monetization is on, it starts to get a bit more stressful. And people will respond differently to it obviously so I won’t make any general observations, but by far there is always some degree of stress involved, whether negative or positive. For a lot of people it’s negative, there’s a feeling of ‘I can’t have this thing that I do for myself without it eventually turning into a profit venture’ which is perhaps a commentary on current society and how a person is not allowed to spend extensive time on something that isn’t then related to a career or side hustle. For a lot of people it’s positive, where otherwise ends won’t meet (alas, society) to be able to try and provide more for themselves by something that they enjoy. Or maybe to feel like they’ve taken further steps in their passion or hobby? Everyone has different reasons, and I can’t list them all out here.

I mostly went through life resigned to mediocrity and working in a job I wasn’t going to enjoy to go home to a husband I wasn’t going to enjoy and to live a life I was going to deal with. I spoke with a friend who shares a similar traditional Chinese upbringing recently - she’s had a long-term boyfriend since uni, works a well-paying job, and looks exactly like a daughter my parents should have had. She asked me why she felt so sad all the time. Everybody else just goes through life feeling like they’ve hit the end of experiences and the rest is 40 years until retirement, right? Why are they able to deal with it, and I’m...not? I’m excited to introduce the concept of people having happy lives to her. Well, conflicted - it sucks that she feels this way, but I want her to know that she doesn’t have to, you know? And that wasn’t something even I learned until recently, and I want her to know that...she doesn’t have to be stuck here. It’s this weird impossible thing to fathom, but she has more freedom than she admits and keeps herself confined in expectations that have been ingrained in her. Getting through that hole, cracking those barriers you’ve built - it’s freeing, but it’s a fucked up feeling. I know others have felt it. My hot take is that it’s so much more extremely confounded by culture, in both my case and hers, and it’s isolating because Asians do not talk about mental health and you are alone. You can have a support structure of caring and well-meaning friends, that will never quite understand the specific angle of how culture plays into trauma.

Anyway, It wasn’t until I brought all these dinky crystals to my first hypnocon as gifts for all of the people who were kind enough to talk with me before the event, that I thought about starting anything with that. Currently, I have an online shop that sells crystals and gemstones of all kinds. I don’t often talk about it in the community because they were gifts and I didn’t want any mention of costs or monetization to creep in - I felt like that would cheapen the gift. (Hint: that’s wrong, friends should not only find meaning in things that you do or give because they are free, and that could be a whole other topic that I’m not going to get into right now.) I’m comfortable saying it here because frankly I’m expecting four whole people to read this, half of which who probably already know about it, and so I feel like it will still go relatively unknown! But I like crystals. I enjoy it all, anxieties about money and everything aside. It gave me enough money to help pay a small portion of my tuition in law school. It gave me the savings I needed to move out.

Obviously, savings aren’t enough to live and so lately I’ve been faced with the stress of trying to find a job in a field that I don’t like (again). And I think about writing, and if I could make a Patreon. (I know, I keep talking about it in my blog.) I wonder if that’d dissuade me from writing altogether. Last year when I was doing one short story a week, I’d get stressed about it towards the end of the week and in the last few months I had stopped for mental health and trying-to-move-out issues. But I realize - am I holding myself to a too-rigid idea of content creation? Clearly, from these posts every day, I’m happy to write about things - they just aren’t always hypnosis stories. My mind rushes to wonder if anyone would care about a Patreon that gave sporadic ‘actual’ hypnosis content. But maybe I should stop psyching myself out of it with that worry and just...do it. Because while Patreon is about supporting content, it’s also about supporting the creators. I think I will resolve to posting the Patreon publicly once I have a 4-5 story backlog that I can start releasing.

Part of me wonders if this is idealistic. I look at some erotic hypnosis writing patreons and see that consistency is key (and, for almost all profit ventures, it is). They either do or can almost live their full lives off of it, doing something that they love. I tell myself that’s unrealistic for me, because their work is better or more consistent. But how much of that is ingrained biases that I’m living a non-traditional life from what my parents expected of me? More than I’d like to admit. I don’t need my writing Patreon to provide a good month’s wages. I have my crystal business. It’s so close. I just need a bit more.

A life where I could live just off of my current income stream + a writing Patreon would be amazing. I don’t think it’s ‘shilling’ or insincere advertising to say that. A primary worry of a lot of content creators is that they’ll be seen as excessive when they advertise ways to support them, but...we all gotta live. Without supporting content creators, we don’t get the content. And, while scary to hope people will pay you for your content, we must value our content and our time, and ourselves. I want to resolve to be able to feel more comfortable doing that.

Is my Patreon idea idealistic? Sure. Is it unrealistic? Maybe. Why do I feel like it’s unrealistic? Because it would be GREAT? And the concept of me having good things is scary? Beyond reassuring my friend that she could live a happy life, maybe it’d do me good to internalize that myself, and want good, better things for my life.

Watch out for that Patreon post, and wish me luck!

--

If you like, feel free to support me, or follow me, or read more of my writing at the links below!

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[thefactsite-blog2]

Five Tips On Fantasy Novel Writing

There are no superiors to supervise you or make you complete. To do this, students will need to take context clues gleaned using their excerpt. They will additionally be able to support you develop and hone ideas.

There are few things more exciting than introducing students several great little literature. Conversely, there is certainly not more disappointing than students' lack of enthusiasm in regards to a book you undoubtedly love. Unfortunately, your fervor about a novel does not always lead to cheers and applause for that part of your students. Reading a novel requires large numbers of capital spent. Even novels with high-action plots have a while establish momentum. How can you quickly bolster students' interest at the start of a different book? Take a look at six sure-fire ways to get your class excited in regard to a new novel.

The Denouement is after-the-fact, everything that comes after the climax. Write your climax too quickly, resolve all the issues therefore your book is basically over. After you do check out climax positioned you just have an a bit more of your reader's attention for the denouement, so be sure you are prepared for the climax as well as having written a satisfying a person particular. Then you can finish with the denouement, "the final outcome of the main dramatic complication in a literary work," per Merriam Webster. Here you can tell, briefly, what happened with the characters whose lives weren't resolved regarding climax. Perform write the results of the storyline, readers like which Everyone Else is a Returnee novel.

How lots of time will you dedicate so just imagine to writing a novel? A consistent but small period of your each and each day is better than large chunks of sporadic writing time.

Unlike some of my novel s where However have a hint what the story was all about, I conducted know a few things i wanted create about in this particular https://thelightnovel.com/read-everyone-else-is-a-returnee-light-novel/. I grew up in the Atlantic City area at time and business men were going to the new casinos and gambling until they not only lost their self esteem, they lost their businesses and organizations. Some were suing the casinos while others continued their compulsive gambling behavior.

It may be the proper way to acquire the secret is always to read quite a few bestselling novels as a possibility. But hold on. Let us be sure we know what we are talking about here.

Novel writing is putting your thoughts and imagination in conntacting be read by folks. Today market has novels in many languages authored by various novelists. First, write down all the minds you have for a storyline. Structure it in the way they will flow and should be easily understood by another ereader. The first a part of this story will work as the introduction, and then the middle section which your conflict is rising while deals with is the conflict resolution stage.

There is days when you get writer's block, and you just don't feel like writing anything - keep pushing your presentation. Even if particularly think of anything to write and wind up just staring blankly within your computer - have a rest and begin anew later. Are usually are persistent, you'll reach your destination. Be realistic, and don't set objectives too the highest. If you are making a resolve for write five pages a day, then try most beneficial to in order to that. Try to remember writing must be fun and isn't a duty. Keep going to have your novel finished in not enough available time.

[deltainfoteklive]

Tips to Learn Computer Programming

Embarking on a journey to learn computer programming can be both exciting and challenging. In today's digital age, programming skills have become increasingly valuable, opening up numerous opportunities in various fields. Whether you're a beginner or looking to enhance your existing coding prowess, this guide will provide you with actionable tips, insightful advice, and answers to common questions. Let's dive into the world of programming mastery! Tips to Learn Computer Programming 1. Start with the Basics Programming may seem intimidating, but everyone starts from scratch. Begin by grasping fundamental concepts like variables, data types, and control structures. Online platforms like Codecademy and Khan Academy offer beginner-friendly courses to kick-start your learning journey. 2. Choose the Right Language Selecting the appropriate programming language is crucial. Python, JavaScript, and Java are popular choices for beginners due to their versatility and extensive community support. 3. Set Clear Goals Define your objectives. Do you want to build websites, mobile apps, or delve into data science? Setting clear goals helps you stay focused and motivated. 4. Hands-On Practice Theory is essential, but practice is paramount. Apply what you learn through coding projects. Websites like LeetCode and HackerRank provide coding challenges that enhance problem-solving skills. 5. Break Down Complex Problems Tackle complex problems by breaking them into smaller, manageable tasks. This approach, known as "divide and conquer," simplifies the problem-solving process. 6. Utilize Online Resources Embrace the wealth of online tutorials, forums, and documentation available. Platforms like Stack Overflow are treasure troves of solutions to common programming queries. 7. Collaborate and Share Join coding communities and collaborate on projects. Peer feedback and collaboration provide new perspectives and insights. 8. Consistency over Intensity Consistency is key. Dedicate regular time to learning rather than cramming. Short, consistent sessions yield better results than sporadic, intense study sessions. 9. Learn from Mistakes Programming involves trial and error. Don't be discouraged by errors; instead, learn from them. Debugging is an essential skill that improves with practice. 10. Read Code Studying others' code enhances your coding style and problem-solving techniques. Open-source projects on GitHub offer a plethora of code to explore. 11. Stay Updated Technology evolves rapidly. Stay up-to-date with programming trends, tools, and languages. Following tech blogs and attending webinars can keep you in the loop. 12. Build a Portfolio Create a portfolio showcasing your projects. It serves as evidence of your skills and can impress potential employers or clients. 13. Seek Feedback Welcome constructive criticism. Feedback from experienced programmers helps you identify areas for improvement. 14. Teach Others Explaining code to others solidifies your understanding. Engage in mentorship or write blog posts about your coding journey. 15. Explore Advanced Concepts Once you've mastered the basics, delve into advanced topics like algorithms, data structures, and design patterns. These concepts form the backbone of efficient programming. 16. Attend Coding Bootcamps Coding bootcamps offer immersive, intensive learning experiences that fast-track your programming skills. 17. Networking Matters Networking opens doors to collaborations, job opportunities, and knowledge exchange. Attend tech meetups and conferences to expand your circle. 18. Stay Patient and Persistent Programming can be challenging, but perseverance pays off. Celebrate small victories and remain patient during setbacks. 19. Practice Problem-Solving Solving puzzles and brain teasers outside of coding sharpens your logical thinking, which is invaluable in programming. 20. Stay Curious Curiosity fuels learning. Explore new languages, frameworks, and tools to broaden your skillset. FAQs Q: How long does it take to learn programming?A: The duration varies based on factors like prior experience, chosen language, and dedication. It can take a few months to a year to become proficient. Q: Can I learn programming without a computer science degree?A: Absolutely! Many successful programmers are self-taught. A degree can be beneficial but is not a strict requirement. Q: Which programming language is best for beginners?A: Python is widely recommended for beginners due to its readability and versatility. Q: How can I overcome "coder's block"?A: Take breaks, work on a different project, or engage in coding challenges to overcome coder's block. Q: Are coding bootcamps worth it?A: Coding bootcamps offer intensive, focused learning experiences. They can be valuable for acquiring practical skills in a short time. Q: What are some real-world applications of programming skills?A: Programming skills are used in web development, app creation, game design, data analysis, and automation. Conclusion Learning computer programming is an empowering journey that opens doors to endless possibilities. By following these tips and embracing a growth mindset, you can develop coding skills that serve you well in the digital landscape. Remember, the key is consistency, practice, and a passion for continuous learning. So, dive into the world of programming with enthusiasm, and watch your skills flourish! Read the full article

[inowhatdatslike]

True Memoir: my white friend asking our cab driver ‘why’ he’s white....

This is probably October or November 2013. I remember in those days..we were always with Courtney who was her current best friend/lesbian lover. It was always awkward to be smoking on Courtney balcony when they decided to go into her bedroom (of which I'm on the other side of thing glass) when they just sporadically decided to do sexual stuff. Naturally I always felt left out and forgotten...sometimes for 30 minutes at a time. But I’m good at keeping my inner peace and being okay with weird situations. 

What happened was: since  Jessica and I  both lived at our parents house in the suburbs at the time… we drove down from Brampton in her car...parked in the downtown core at Church and Adelaide in a parking structure near her school, and then Sam picked us up that night and drove us to her house at Bathurst and College.

It's about a 15 min drive across the core of city streets. It was in a convertible VW Cabriolet and I remember Sam blasting Pink and laughing at me saying “Im sorry Max but if anyone sees us right now they have no choice but to assume you’re the gay best friend”.  To which I replied “Sam, I love you, but anyone who listens to Pink has atrocious taste in music and needs to re-evaluate their life”. I think the music was so loud and I was in the backseat of a convertible of two girls in the front having the time of their life, so I don't think she heard me say that. 

Anyway...so...we also always slept at Sam's house. The 3 of us had been probably been out drinking til 2 or 3 a.m. out at bars on College Street in Little Italy as usual…and this is the morning after. So now..Jessica and I get in a cab to go back to her car the next morning.  When we get in the car, the driver is white and in his late 40s or early 50s. This is the first thing Jessica says to the guy: “Hey...so you’re like...white and driving a cab...I don’t think I’ve ever had a white cab driver...like...I wanna know how did THAT happen?”  Immediately I feel uncomfortable and feel like I should say something so that he doesn’t think we’re assholes.  Her tone was complete neutral.  Neither friendly nor rude, it was purely curious but even that..did not seem obvious in what she said or how she said it. I felt like I needed to explain that we’re not assholes and to kind of reassure the guy that she did not mean any insult by the question and that that’s just how Jessica is and that neither one of us is wants to judge him or would normally be asking such a personal question unless we were genuinely curious to the answer without judgement. So right after she says that I laugh a little bit and then go “Leave the poor guy alone he’s just trying to work right now and you hit him with the most personal question ever at 8 in the morning” And then he goes “It's kind of a long story. I’m just doing this part time because how I normally support myself wasn’t working out at the moment” And again Im like “Jessica! Stop asking people you don’t know about their personal lives like Im sure this guy doesn’t want to explain his whole life in a 10 min cab ride”. I feel so nervous and embarrassed but yes, of course part of me is just as curious as her, I guess I just had much more filter than her back then.   

She's like “No its okay I just want to know... that's all”

Then she turns back to him and asks him “What were you doing before this?” And he’s like “I’m a writer” In a completely neutral tone again, she goes “Oh….you’re a writer...okay. So...what kind of stuff were you writing?” As soon as he realized that we’re both nice people I could tell he was a lot more comfortable telling her whatever she wanted.

Again, I wouldn’t feel embarrassed except she says all of this in a completely dry tone, showing no empathy or sympathy but also not sounding like an asshole either.

 He didn’t know what to make of it at first...and luckily he was a nice guy and just assumed the best in people because it took him like 5 minutes or so to decide on how much he was going to divulge to her.

Those are the kind of questions though where you have to kind of tread lightly and ask nicely and throw in “If you don’t mind me asking…”quite a bit. And she just wasn’t doing that...at all. She was going directly for the real information with no fucks given. . She always had this innocent, friendly, and curious expression, because I know for sure if I asked those same questions in that same tone the guy would have been like “what the FUCK?” and pulled over right away or just gone “I don’t really feel like talking about it” and not said another word.

In hindsight it was a pretty hilarious scene...we both still laugh about it to this day

[pi-cat000]

MSA time travel idea (part 21)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Vivi POV, 8, 9, 10, Lewis POV, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, Lance POV 18, 19, Lewis POV.2

Part 22: here

“We’ll be fine,” Vivi reassures Arthur for a third time, spinning to face him, backing up past the assortment of haphazardly constructed ‘keep out’ and ‘danger!’ signage. Behind her looms the cave’s gaping entrance.

“We’ve been through a ton of caves. The worst thing that could happen? We, maybe, get swarmed by some bats,” She continues upon seeing Arthur’s continued hesitation.

“Ah, how about a cave in?” He points out leerily, eyeing jagged stone formations framing the entryway.

“No seismic activity in the area, I checked,” Vivi declares, whirling to march forward, glancing back to call, “You boys coming or what.”

Mystery bounds off after Vivi, leaving him to shoot an apprehensive glance at Lewis. The larger man shrugs, putting a comforting hand across Arthur's shoulder blades, “If this has you really worried we can always wait out here while Vivi takes her supernatural readings.”

Arthur sighs, tempted to take him up on offer, “No. It’s fine. Probably best not to let Vivi go spelunking with only Mystery as back up.”

“Probably,” Lewis laughs, patting his shoulder once then stepping forward, “Just stick behind me. I’m sure this will be just as boring as all the other caves we’ve walked through.”

“Yeah. ‘Boring’…Sure. That’s not the word I’d use but, whatever, let’s go with boring,” Arthur grumbles, shadowing Lewis up to the entrance. The ground underfoot transitions sharply from spotted green to dead twigs and dusty rock.

“Creepy,” Arthur eyes the unnaturally straight line, cutting the cave off from its surroundings. Lewis snorts, amused by his muttering-at least someone is having a good time-walking into the dark like this isn’t the most unnerving place they’ve been to so far.

Just inside the dimly lit opening, he spots Vivi, who’s wrestling with a wrought iron canister holding what appeared to be old-style wooden torches.

“Hey guys, check these out! Mood lighting! ” She calls with apparent gusto. Better make that two people having a good time.

“Lewis. You still have those matches on you, right? I think there’s still oil on these.”

Lewis trades his box of matches for the wooden torch, holding it out while Vivi grapples around attempting to light it. Arthur is surprised the old torch has lasted this long. They can’t have been the only ones dumb enough to explore a ‘haunted’ cave at night. Surely, some other idiot would have used them up before now.

“Can’t we just use the flashlights?” Arthur comments in conjunction with Vivi’s resounding "YES" of triumph. The stone walls around them come to life with a flickering orange glow. High, arched ceilings, almost two stories tall, provide an abundance of space. Arthur can now see several meters down a long tunnel before darkness overtakes it again. He shivers, peering at the many cracks and holes dotting the roof and walls. Everything is coated in a thin layer of green moss which catches the torchlight, giving a green tint. In other words, it looks freaky and unnatural.

“Well, this just went up several points on the Creepy-O-Meter,” He laments, resigning himself to an evening of jumping at pebbles coming loose from the ceiling, gusts of wind, and his own shadow.

“I know! It’s great isn’t it?” Vivi twists, grinning ridiculously, now holding a torch in each hand.

“Watch where you wave those Viv,” Lewis dodges back and avoids a face full of fire, reaching out and plucking the nearest torch from Vivi, “You almost got my hair with that one.”

“Whoops sorry,” A sheepish Vivi shoots Lewis an apologetic glance before carefully lifting her remaining torch to get a better look at the cavernous structures around them. A few seconds of fascinated gawking pass, while both his friends take in their strange new environment.

“You have to admit, this is a lot cooler than a graveyard or an old house,” Vivi voices in awe, moving deeper into the tunnel. She’s got an energetic spring to her step mirrored by Mystery trotting at her heels.  No attention is afforded to the spooky shadows, shrinking away from the torchlight, rushing to close in behind them. It’s admirable.

“Maybe there’ll be an actual ghost this time and not a dude playing dress up?” Lewis adds, glancing about, holding his torch higher, “Definitely has the ambience for it.”

Arthur shuffles closer to Vivi, so he’s sandwiched between the two of them. This way he’ll have plenty of warning when the freaky cave monster leaps out to get them.

“One can only hope,” Vivi laments loudly. Her voice echoes, bouncing along the slimy green walls until it’s swallowed up by the dark. Arthur shudders. Is it just him or does it feel like the cave is listening?

“Ah. Objection,” He interjects, lowering his voice, so it doesn’t jump around like Vivi’s, “A dude in a sheet is plenty scary, thanks. No need for anything esle.”

Lewis laughs from behind, also lowering his voice to a whisper, “Like weird-scary or scary-scary?”

Arthur throws a half-serious glare over his shoulder, retorting, “Both.”

Further conversation is put on pause when they hit a fork in the otherwise straightforward tunnel. The two passageways are significantly smaller, a foot higher than Lewis, and narrower, twisting away from the central shaft. Both are equally uninviting, ghostly, glowing a poisonous green in the torchlight. His shadowed silhouette, elongated in the firelight, appears to shift unnaturally, skittering away into the gloom. Arthur blinks, focusing attention on the spot. There’s nothing there but ordinary rock.

“Let’s split up,” Vivi’s announcement draws Arthur’s concentration away from studying the walls for shadow creatures.

“What?”

Lewis is nodding along, considering both passageways seriously.

“No way,” Arthur waves his arms to catch their attention, wincing at his own volume, then whispering, “Splitting up is a terrible idea. When has splitting up ever worked well for anyone.”

“If we split up we’ll cover more ground and get through the cave system faster,” Vivi points out, already searching through her small rucksack.

“Just remember to take lots of photos. Here have my spare EMF meter,” She shoves the ‘totally legit’ ghost detection devise, an audio recorder, and notepad into Lewis’s free hand, “Don’t forget to actually press record this time when stuff happens, and write a note, so we know to cross check it later.”

"Sure," Lewis pockets the equipment with a laugh,

Arthur slaps a hand over his eyes, groaning. Why are his friends a pair of walking clichés?

“Lewis. You go with Arthur. He’ll need the moral support more than I will.”

“Hey,” His protest is half-hearted.

“I’ll take Mystery down that tunnel. Let’s meet up in, say, an hour and report our findings.”

Vivi walks purposefully forward before pausing to add, “Oh and if it gets too maze-like come back here, so you don’t get lost,” Another step, “And don’t fall down any holes.”  

“We’ll be fine,” Lewis reassures, amused, slinging an arm out and catching Arthur before he can duck away, “Arthur’s got my back.”

Arthur suffers the semi-headlock with crossed arms and a stony expression. It’s not that he really believes they’ll run into trouble it’s more a matter of principle at this point. All it does is make Vivi snort in good humour then hide a grin behind her hand.

“See you boys in an hour,” A cheery wave and Vivi marches away, looking for all the world like a person having the time of their life.

“You okay there Arthur,” Lewis loosens his arm, glancing down. There is genuine concern in his tone now, eyes scanning Arthur for signs of discomfort. Arthur forcibly shelves his exasperation. No need to bring down the mood. Not when this is the first time in weeks he’s been exclusively in either Lewis or Vivi’s company.

A long exhale, and he ducks to disentangle himself from the larger man’s arm,  “Yeah. Come on. Let’s go poke around a dark, damp, tunnel some more.” He injects as much enthusiasm as he can muster, but it ends up more sarcastic.

Lewis hits him with a knowing smile, offering, “Here I’ll go first.”

His friend takes a confident step forward, holding the torch high to provide them with maximum visibility. Arthur follows close behind, trying not to get too freaked out at the way the cave walls seem to shift unnaturally in the uneven light. It’s just his overactive mind seeing familiar patterns where there were none. That was all. 

Down the gloomy stone tunnel, they go, flickering fire illuminating Lewis’s silhouette and the narrow walls enclosing them. Nervously, Arthur picks up his pace, tailing as close to Lewis’s back as he can get. Occasionally, he bumps into the other man when Lewis stops abruptly to examine part to the scenery. Lewis doesn’t appear to mind, being more interested in sporadic wooden support beams which arise from time to time. Everything is pretty much identical until the narrow tunnel opens suddenly to reveal a spacious cavern.

It’s huge. Dotted with wicked sharp stalagmites and stalactites which both hang from the ceiling and raise up from the ground like clawed fingers, it dwarfs them both.

Lewis immediately steps out of the tunnel onto a narrow ledge extending into empty space, transfixed by the stunning view. Arthur makes to follow. Distracted, he stumbles, hand brushing against the cave walls for support. Pain shoots through the limb, and Arthur stops, staring at the appendage, confused. Had he cut himself? He doesn’t appear to be injured.

“Hey, Arthur! Come check out this view!”

Lewis is now standing near the end of the wedge-shaped platform, peering down at the steep drop. Cautiously, Arthur inches out after him, eyeing the pointed rock formations far below.  The way they catch and reflect the torchlight is almost menacing.

Would be such a shame if someone were to fall.

His left leg twitches, and he almost stumbles right into Lewis. Arthur finds himself unfocussed, and he hesitates behind the larger man. What is he doing again? Why is Lewis so close all of a sudden?

His arm is completely numb. It’s tuned an unnatural sickly green colour. The same colour as the walls. That's not normal. A twitch. Arthur watches, confused when his limb jerks up. A second too late he realises that he’s not the one moving it. In an action almost too quick to follow the arm lashes out.

“Lew…” The words of warning are choked off. Lewis turns, too slow to prevent the shove but quick enough that Arthur sees his shocked, betrayed expression. Lewis tumbles backward, face frozen in confusion.

A surprised yell.

Gravity rips Lewis from where he seems to hover mid-air, dragging him down.

He drops.

His friend’s panicked horror is the last of him Arthur sees. A wet thump. The yell is cut abruptly.

Silence.  

“Ouch. Right through the chest. That’s never fun,” The foreign words vibrate in Arthur's chest, accompanied by an unpleasant laugh.

Down, far below on the cavern floor, is Lewis. Unmoving. Arthur wants to scream. He needs to scream, but his jaw is locked shut. Part of his vision goes dark. With his remaining good eye, he can see his arm moving, squirming about like it’s got a mind of its own.

No. No. No. This isn’t him.  IT’S NOT HIM!!!

A jaw filled with rows of shiny white teeth clamps down on the writhing appendage. A flash of bright red. His arm is twisting, being ripped away. The force of the impact spins him around, putting him face-to-face with a giant canine creature. Red. There’s lots of red. His vision is failing. A warm haze gathers over his thoughts, mercifully pulling him from reality.

“Ah Shit,” He hears himself swear over the oppressive throbbing in his head and the growls of the monster above.

“...And STOP...”

The world freezes. Arthur freezes. It’s like someone’s hit the pause button on reality. Suspended, frozen halfway between falling to his knees and standing, Arthur hangs in place. Vaguely, he recognises Mystery looming over him, also frozen, green-hued arm between his teeth. Arthur’s disembodied arm.

“Sloppy. Very sloppy.”

The voice doesn’t echo like sound should in this stone, cavernous environment. It’s detached. Footsteps dull and artificial, mismatched on the rock floor, draw closer. A shadowed figure walks around from behind. Arthur, still immobile, tracks the progress of a lanky man, sporting spiked yellow hair, a familiar orange vest and flat running shoes. Aside from the sickly, off green, skin tone, it looks like him. Another him.

The doppelganger moves up to examine Mystery and the arm dangling from his jaws, shaking its head in disappointment, “Should have known there was something weird about the dog. It’s always the pets.”

Arthur doesn’t care for whatever this creature is saying because, down below, just behind him, is Lewis body.  He’d just pushed Lewis off the cliff.

“To think, that could have been me, stuck in some rotting limb. Ugh. Gross.”

He killed Lewis.

NOTE: It’s the obligatory flashback episode. It only took 30 000 + words, but Arthur finally remembers. Hope I did The Cave scene justice. 

Part 22: here

[helenmaybewriting]

On Academic Precarity as Ongoing Anxiety

I’ve been given reason to think about making academic precarity visible lately. I’m applying for a big early-career grant but am outside the eligible period. I am fortunate that there is a way to seek an ‘exemption’ to the rules and ask to account for a period of time that meets certain requirements as a ‘career interruption’. For some this is children or carer responsibilities, for others it is illness. For some it is working in other sectors or not working for various reasons. For me, I am claiming a period in my life post-PhD where I worked sessionally in teaching roles at multiple universities and did not hold a research position. I need to collect and tabulate proof for this period. It must be made visible in very particular ways: a neat table that outlines the reason for career interruption, the time that can be claimed, the relevant dates. I’m asked to contain this messy, precarious, anxious time of my life in a neat grid.

The bureaucratic demands seem simple: account for it, tally it up. And don’t get me wrong; I’m grateful there is a way to recognise this interruption, disruption, abruption. However, I’ve encountered so many confused faces in trying to progress the process, as if accounting for sessional work is an aberration they’ve never come across. Sessional staff teach anywhere from 40 to 70 percent of students at Australian universities, yet my requests seemed alien to many.  

I have persisted in my accounting, feeling the anxiety of precarity rise again in my chest. Someone said to me it was nothing to be ashamed of. I replied: I’m not ashamed of it, I am exhausted by it.  

How long was the period of time from the award of my doctorate to getting an ongoing job? Already this request narrows the scope, as if precarity starts from award and not submission or before. I was already precarious when I finally wore the floppy hat. Yet here, the form asks for an accounting for this time—from award to ongoing job—in days, weeks and months. But my body remembers it as the blur of ill-defined time characterised by sounds that hiss and sigh in my memory: sessional, scramble, stress, yes and yes and yes and yes again because it is the week before semester and I don’t have enough hours to pay rent yet. Struggle, survival, collapse are words that hiss and sigh also. What is the FTE of a period that is experienced and remembered as the always-just-audible hum of the anxiety of precarity? Account for it. Give it form.

This is the period of my endless agreeability, of ‘yes I can take just the 8am and the 4pm tutorial that day’. The period of learning to be a chameleon, of ‘yes I can teach IR/development studies/anthropology of gender/sports sociology/peace studies/global governance’. The period of befriending the public transport app that helped me trace crazed patterns between universities and learning the locations of the best cafés where I could grab lunch as I swapped discipline hats and institutional languages so my students would believe my claimed authority.

This is the period of snatched time to try and write between tutorials while I could use an institution’s library access, because publication was the only way out of this but my schedule left no real time to do it. The period that included the semester with 280 essays to mark, of phone calls with incredulous university IT because I couldn’t remember which institutional password I needed to get in to this particular one of my seven email addresses, of making dinner plans with friends and asking if we could go to the cheap delicious Asian place where I could eat a whole meal rather than the nice restaurant where I’d eat an entrée as if I wasn’t actually hungry. This is the period of my always-availability accompanied by always-exhaustion; of recognising myself in articles about stress and burnout that I would read on the train between cramming in prep for the next tutorial. This is the period of my endless professional flexibility even as the stress of the precarity fixed the muscles in my shoulders in to (still) untangle-able knots.  This is the period of “non-research employment not concurrent with research employment”. Account for it. Note it down.

The neoliberal academy, that runs on this sessional labour, works in subtle and overt ways to erase it too. Sessional academics are expendable, replaceable, not ‘real’ staff, despite the institution’s dependence on their work. This year I’ve had to chase down five universities to get them to write letters outlining the periods I worked for them and confirming my work was teaching-only—confirming explicitly that they gave me no support for research during my employment. This is my ‘evidence’, codifying on various letterheads my experience of uncertain, sporadic labour. While several universities have been very helpful and quick, making this process a little smoother, others have not. Not through maliciousness, but through the grinding, churning practices of bureaucracy and the inefficiencies of systems not set up to serve people like me.

One university couldn’t find evidence of my working for them in 2013, telling me it was ‘such a long time ago’. One university only allowed me to request a HR job logged in to their intra-net, the woman on the phone for general enquiries when I called to explain the problem kept suggesting I use my current username. Several universities wrote letters detailing the 12 to 18-month period I apparently worked for them, the period in which I learned only now I remained in their system in some manner (even though my login access was cut off precisely at the end of semester). I’ve now had to supplement these letters with contracts I’ve kept to demonstrate it was only 13 weeks of hourly-work, not a year-long sessional contract. In my neat table, a list of ‘no’s fill a column titled “was the employment research related”. Account for it. Make it present.

I am not sure I will ever not feel a residual anxiety, lodged in my throat, from this time. But having to tabulate it, to fit it in to neat boxes, to repeatedly note it was “non-research related employment not concurrent with research employment”, to calculate a patchwork of start and finish dates, to accumulate evidence of the precarity, has meant I can hear that hum again and taste the stress as bitterness on my tongue. The sounds, tastes, feelings can’t be accounted for in a 200 word ‘justification statement’ in this neat document, but I try and articulate the difficulty while sounding professional and capable; further contortions.

In this process of accounting, I’ve been asked to ‘remove duplicates’ in my record because, I am told, I can’t claim the same period twice. I’ve had to again make visible the hum and bitterness, by the act of explaining once again that I wasn’t trying to claim multiple jobs as separate time periods, but rather to give a full account of my employment as requested which included working multiple jobs, simultaneously. I can feel the act of putting it in to words working to bring the blurred time in to focus in hard edges and anxious spikes in my chest. This work did overlap, but it was not duplicates; this work was a complete list of my employment, yet still barely covered my half of our living expenses. Account for it. Point it out.

That period also holds bright memories. Memories of the yeasty smell of zaatar-top pizzas from our local shops in Melbourne, and the sweet taste of carafes of wine and gossip shared with one of my dearest girlfriends; of warm rooms in winter full of boardgames and laughter, and cut grass in lazy summer afternoons sprawled with friends across a backyard. It also forged friendships across shared experiences: the Friday morning early-career writing group that was a refuge and a delight, of peers who didn’t know they were mentors but for whom I will always be grateful, and unlooked-for generosity in offering office space or other necessities when someone had slightly more security than others.

Precarity and anxiety are not totalising but they are overwhelming. I am not shamed by them, but they are exhausting.

I feel, in writing it down that I am being required to make claims for legitimacy, to assert that I belong here. Precarity and anxiety run the risk of becoming the background hum and the overlooked bitter taste. The tactics of universities trick us in to thinking we are alone with this, but although the details may vary, the story is the same for many.

In writing this, I recognise that my form and experience of precarity is its own thing; that other people’s experiences will differ. I have a supportive partner. I don’t have children. My partner, however, started doing a PhD the year I finished mine. We had moved away from my established potential-employment networks for him to take up his PhD. My precarity was made more difficult through particular health challenges, and other personal circumstances. I write here from my own experience. I write with acknowledgement of my relative privileged position of having an ongoing job now, when so many clever driven precarious peers do not. I write with anxiety and trepidation about sharing these experiences. I write in apprehension that someone will tell me my experience isn’t as bad as I feel it to have been, that other people have it worse, that this is a rite of passage for all academics, that I should get over it. My anxiety about sharing proves the point about needing to share. The invisibility of this work, and how we write it into or out of our narratives, works to indivdiualise our experiences and isolate us.

I think in accounting for my interruption, my period of “non-research related employment not concurrent with research employment”, moving from the blur to the boxes forced me to describe the reality of that period, and that has been deeply discomforting. But writing this reflection, and naming the precarity and its attendant feelings, is a way of making visible these structures. It is a way of acknowledging that my survival of that period fundamentally depended on the support of others. I don’t have magical solutions, but after this rollercoaster of paperwork and bureaucracy count me in for the barricades if anyone is up for a revolution. Until then, know that while the institutions may not care—about precarity, burnout, stress, enduring anxiety—I do, and if you have a story similar to mine know I see you and I’m so glad you’re here. Account for it. Hold it to account.

[echelonlab-blog]

Echelon Author Interview -- Lolainblue

Echelon Author Interview

Your URL: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lolainblue

Your name: Missie (Blue is my nickname)

Link to your Masterlist: https://lolainblue.tumblr.com/post/174506158608/masterlist-20

What was your first experience with 30 Seconds to Mars? A friend had bought their first album and brought it over while hanging out. We listened to a few songs, I immediately fell in love. She asked me “Guess who the lead singer is? It's Jordan Catallano!” I was so stunned. 

Your Favorite Mars song? I could never pick one. There is one for whatever mood I am in. I love Attack, a lot of the old stuff, Buddha for Mary... They have changed so much over the years but I still love all their sounds.

Has anything ever happened to you solely because of being a 30STM fan? There are people that I met only because of Mars, and friends I have made in the fandom I wouldn't have otherwise.

What is your favorite thing about the fandom? Your least favorite? I think this is a very welcoming, supportive, and open fandom for the most part. It does have certain cliques, which is all right, everyone has their things they're into, but it would be nice if they got along a little better.

Is there any advice you would give to someone who is new to the fandom? Don't get too caught up in rumors. There are some people who are crazy obsessive and love to trash talk. It's a strange combo.

How long have you been writing? Since I was in elementary school.

Why did you start writing? (Either in general or for Mars specifically) I went through a catastrophic health event a few years ago. I found myself stuck at home and mostly bed bound, looking at a slow recovery. I started reading more, and also reading more fanfiction. I restarted my Tumblr account and came across some Mars writers. @thepromiseofanend and @fyeahproudglambert were actually among some of the first writers I read here and very much inspired me to keep writing for the fandom.

Do you write for other fandoms? If so, which ones? I have written for other fandoms in the past but right now the only one I am writing for is Mars.

Do you share everything you write? If not, is there a reason why? No. Not everything I write is Mars related, and some of the pieces I am working on only sporadically and I will share when I have more of them written.

Have you written things that aren't fanfic? If so, could you tell us about those works? I have written plays and screenplays, short stories.. I write a lot I am currently working on a paranormal novel that is original fiction.

Of all your works, which is your favorite and why? I think Fangs and Fairytales is probably my favorite, I love horror and vampires and the paranormal, and it's fun to play with an alternate timeline like that.

Is there one that was particularly difficult to write? Why? There is one I am working on currently that is not yet published that I draw from some difficult personal experiences and struggles. I am not entirely sure I will share it when I am done.

What is the ideal writing environment for you? At your desk? Quiet? Music? I work on my laptop and I prefer to have silence. I can't stand having the television or music on when I am writing. The location doesn't matter much but the silence does. If I can't get silence I will put on headphones with ambient sounds, like thunderstorms. When I was writing the first part of Thunderbirds, I had a site that had cafe sounds that I listened to a lot.

What type of fanfic are you most comfortable writing (drama, fluff, angst, drabbles, series, etc.) I absolutely love to write angst. I torture my characters mercilessly. I also tend towards long pieces.

What is your favorite fanfic trope? Enemies to Friends, Ooops there's only one bed, Mutual Pining

Is there any trope or subject that you won't write? There are certain kinks that I don't care for, and extreme stuff is off the table. Don't make me name them all.

Are there any special tools that you use when creating or writing your story? I use either Open Office for short pieces or Scrivener for longer more structured stories. Grammarly is a lifesaver.

Do you write your story in order or do you jump around and then string it together at the end? Mostly in order. I am a very linear thinker.

Do you outline, or do a great deal of prep work or do you 'fly by the seat of your pants'? I have a general outline and a plan for each story. Some are more detailed than others.

How do you usually get your inspiration? Dreams, music, other stories, movies... I get so many ideas, it's the execution that's an issue more than inspiration.

Do you have ideas on the drawing board or in progress currently that you haven't shared yet? Yes. I have two series that I am working on. One I had originally planned to be ready in a few weeks but due to illness I am behind.

If you have an unpublished work in progress, please pick two to three sentences and share them without context.

Jared assured me however that he was fully prepared, gripping me ever tighter as he pressed me into the upholstered bench seating, no sign of shyness in regards to the driver who was currently ferrying us through damp and intimate back streets. The evening's earlier rain had broken and everything was left looking freshly glazed, colors amplified in reflection. It would have been a lovely drive through the Latin Quarter if he had paused from his advances long enough to look out the window.

Do you like requests? Would you like more or less of them? I love requests but I don't always have time. I have several series I am actively working on for myself, several things in the lab, another collaboration as well as original work. But one of my favorite oneshots (Overtime) came from an anon request. You can always ask. I may not be able to fill it but you can always ask.

Is there an upcoming project from you that you are excited about? Why, and what can you share about it? I am excited about all my writing. There is one piece that won't be coming for a while but it's a new Shannon series with a rather different romantic interest.

The best piece of writing advice you've ever received? Eliminate your inner audience. Whenever we write we have a tendency to think of the people who might be reading it and how they will react. It can limit us from being true and fearless with what we are producing. Write for the characters, focus on the story, and don't mentally allow other people to look over your shoulder. Especially when writing smut.

The worst piece of writing advice you've ever received? For overcoming writer's block: Just sit down and write. If I could do that Karen, I wouldn't be complaining about writer's block.

What piece of advice would you give to someone just starting to write fanfic? Don't worry if you don't get a lot of attention to start. Don't worry if your stories aren't as good as others. Just keep writing and try to make each piece a little better than the last one. Compete against yourself. Your writing will grow and develop as you continue to work and as it does you will find your audience.

Three (stories, series, scenes, etc) written by others that you really like or that inspire you? Only three? I think Save Me by @spillinginkwithlove was probably the thing that truly drew me in. Closer to the Edge (@thepromiseofanend) has my OTP of Mia/Jared. @darklydelicousdesires has my favorite piece of Shannon smut, Double Measures

Are any of your characters closer to being “you” than others? Any reason in particular?  All of my characters have tiny pieces of me in them, whether it's a taste in food or future aspiration. In a lot of ways, I think I'm more Jane than anything, a lot of Jane and Roger’s childhood memories come from my own experience growing up in small towns in Illinois and Indiana -- but there are characters in two pieces I am working on that draw deeply from a lot of my life experiences.

Are any of your characters based on someone you know? Roger (from Thunderbirds) is actually very strongly based on an old boyfriend of mine.

Are any of your plots based on something that happened to you? The upcoming pieces Bodies, Rest and Motion and Mirror Ball both draw strongly on my own personal experiences, although the characters are unique as are the circumstances. The stories aren't autobiographical in any way, I have just drawn on things that I have been through and know to create something that conveys those experiences.

Favorite font for writing? Segoe UI ( In 14pt because I'm blind)

Do you consider yourself a reader outside of fanfic?  Yes. I love to read.

Your favorite book? I don't know about any one book, but I love Brandon Mull, Tad Williams, and Charlaine Harris. Also Poppy Z Brite, Terry Pratchett, so much science fiction and horror.....

Your favorite things to do when you're not writing? I love to cook, watch movies, binge Netflix, hang out with my dogs, play video games and just be with my family.

Two truths and a lie? I owned and ran my own catering company, I lived briefly in Italy, I was the drummer for a punk band

Something surprising about you? My original career ambition (and the college program I started in) was for experimental high energy (particle) physics. I still love science. I am a huge nerd.

Favorite food to enjoy while watching Netflix? Popcorn, of course.

Favorite way to spend a Saturday night? The activity doesn't matter to me as much as the company. I just want to be surrounded by good people. I love a good meal and a card or board game with friends and family. (I love tabletop games and have a small collection. Gloom and Betrayal at House on the Hill are two of my favorites.)

Blankets Tucked or Untucked? Untucked!

Do you have any pets? Would you like to tell us about them? I have two rescued pit bulls that are big love bugs (Twilight and Lokii) and two cats, Coyote and Mayhem. Lokii is the only one that is technically mine (Twilight is my son's dog, and the cats are just household pets) and Lokii never leaves my side. He is very protective and watches over me when I am feeling ill. He is also very goofy and loves to play

Are there any particular battles or struggles in your life you'd like to tell us about? I've been through a lot. I have somehow managed to pick myself up and keep going each time I've been knocked down. You have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what. There's really no other choice. Just keep going. There's always something good ahead.

Anything you'd like to add? I am horrible at initiation and maintaining friendships. It's mostly an anxiety issue, I feel like I'm annoying people, I think they don't want to talk to me, that they simply tolerate me... I know there are lots of you that can relate to that. Chances are really good that I'd like to talk to you, even if I seem stand-offish or seem to have withdrawn. Please don't ever take it personally. And if we've never talked, well feel free to say hi, or ask me a question. I love to chat, I really do, I'm just bad about keeping things going until I get used to people. I take ridiculously long to get used to people. I guess what I'm saying is I'm a big mess and I have social issues but if you're into that, come chat with me.