#the tumblr people quickly proved me wrong

[anexistingexistence]

In honor of my name card post reaching 500 notes for some godforsaken reason, here's more of that as a thank you to everyone who enjoyed that post:

Vincent "You're the Lovely of My Life" Solaire

Sam "No violence unless it's hot and deserved" Collins

Lovely "Punches holes into walls as a hobby" Solaire

Alexis "I need to be really careful with what I put here or the fandom will hunt me down" Getty

Porter "Who?" Solaire

William "Are you even allowed to drink wine with your meds old man?" Solaire

Adam "Insert the bisexual anthem here" Jessup

Quinn "Swiper no fucking murder" Fox

Bright "Trespassing" Eyes

Frederick "What do you mean 'therapy'? I can't afford that" Collins

[mothhball]

If There's No End

Pairing | Jonathan Crane x Reader

Warnings | DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!! MAJOR CHARACTER DE*TH – Reader d*es! ANGST, HURT, NO COMFORT, CANN*BALISM, do NOT read if any of this feels too uncomfortable!! Jon is very, very delusional in this, drugging, lobotomy, established relationship, again - CANN*BALISM. (tumblr wants me to censor this :'] )

Summary | Jonathan reminisces about your shared life and the day you found out his secret.

Words | 2.7k

Notes | Don’t yell at me for this, you’ve been warned! Not proofread, please don’t beat me up.

@kiss-me-cill-me welp, this is the cannibalism fic lmao bon appetit

Jonathan never thought he’d know guilt. But now that he’s hunched over on his knees, digging through the mud with trembling hands, he suspects that this might be it. His vision is still blurry. Has been for the past few hours. The tears have turned his world into a faded, abstract mess, like a child’s chalk drawings that are in the middle of being washed away by the rain. If it had been anyone else, he would have settled for the large dump of hazardous waste behind ACE Chemicals. But not in this case. Never in this case.

Jonathan never thought he’d grow to respect another person, but you crashed into his life with an earth-shattering intensity that nearly made his knees give out as soon as you turned to greet him. Hi. Two letters, one syllable. And it affected him in such a profound way that his ears still burn at the memory. Even during that first fleeting conversation, he felt as if the edges of his person began to become cloudy. Desperate to merge with yours until there was no end and no beginning to the two of you as separate people. Until flesh and bone and viscera were a shared commodity between him and you. A fever dream with the appropriate symptoms. Some nights he woke from a beautiful dream, a fantasy in which the two of you were irrevocably merged into one being. And on those nights, hot tears of disappointment and anger burned so harshly on his cheeks that he expected his sheets to sizzle where the drops fell.

It was love. It had to be. And when the universe finally relented to the prayers and wishes he whispered until his throat became hoarse, his life exploded with color. Fleeting glances and coy small talk managed to bloom into something more, something deeper and more intimate than Jonathan’s analytical vocabulary could ever fully explain. You loved him in a way that was entirely foreign to him. Unconditional and patient. You just… got him. Without even trying to. Your gaze traveled past skin and ribs down to his very heart and soul, and you didn’t turn away. But you didn’t know everything back then. How could you? He was so secretive about everything involving his studies. Sometimes, he couldn’t resist the temptation of monologuing about fear and its shackles on humanity. But that was all he was willing to share with you. He granted you a microscopic detail of the true extend of his passion. A laughably small excerpt of his obsession.

Jonathan never thought he’d know love. But you proved him wrong with every smile, every whisper of praise, every tender touch upon his skin.

He knows how cliché it is to claim that settling down with someone never occurred to him before he met you, but it's the truth. In a life that was filled with hurt and contempt, you were the first to take a chance on him. Undeterred by his sometimes standoffish nature and cold attitude, you pressed onwards until he cracked, revealing the mush that you've managed to melt him into.

A future with you was worth everything he had endured up to that point. The plan was to graduate, find jobs and get hitched immediately. He wanted to put his last name on you, give you a part of himself that you would take wherever you went.

The first two steps were already completed with him getting a PhD and a professorship, that he quickly lost again, somewhere in the middle. Aside from a few mishaps and arguments about his attitude towards his patients at Arkham, all seemed right in paradise.

Often, the two of you would lie awake at night, talking about your future while you played with his fingers. "I'd like to get married in Spring," you said. And he just nodded, already imagining your bright smile when he'd put the ring on your finger. On those nights, the urge to become one often overtook him, and he rolled on top of you to devour you in a different way. In hindsight, he should've told you. Given you a chance to see the true extend of his rotten soul. You already knew so much about him, yet you still wanted a life with him. You often said how much you craved the mundane with him. Lazy Sunday mornings, standing in line to get groceries, gossiping about your neighbors in the quiet part in the outskirts Gotham City that you wanted to move to. He should've told you about the toxin he keeps stashed away in his office, no more than 15 feet behind the pillow you rested your pretty head on.

He didn't dare to think about what could've been. No, he made the right decision. Surely.

He still remembers your wide eyes. The way the color vanished from your complexion as you turned towards him with his mask in your hands. He remembers how wrong the burlap looked, crushed between your beautiful fingers. You asked him to explain, even though you were already tearing up just by looking at him. Jonathan was always convinced that he could read you like a book, but in that moment, he doubted himself. And he panicked. From one second to the next, he lunged at you, putting you into a headlock that constricted the blood flow to your brain, and you wheezed and wailed for him to stop, but he couldn’t. If he let go, you’d let yourself be ruled by secondary emotions. Emotions like betrayal and heartbreak that threatened to overshadow the deep, deep love you felt for him. It was an act of mercy for both of you. So, he held you until your struggling stopped, and your consciousness slipped away. It always takes longer in real life than in the movies. And he cried with you. God, did he cry, soaking your hair with his tears as he choked you into a blackout.  

You were out for ten minutes. Ten agonizing minutes which he used to prepare for what needed to be done. Your happiness was his happiness, so he had to do something to take your mind off of the situation. Or any situation for that matter. He has never done this before, but the thought of desperate measures during desperate times, didn’t give him the opportunity to hesitate. A local anesthetic and a muscle relaxant would suffice, he decided as he rushed to gather the equipment. By the time you came to, he was already straddling your torso, leaning over you with fresh tears in his eyes. As you began to silently panic, Jonathan was quick to try and shush you. Oh, how it hurt him more than it hurt you. The lobotomy set was a Christmas gift from you. A tongue-in-cheek nod to the history of the profession he chose. It was fate. It had to be.

The tip of the ice pick-like instrument felt cold against your eye socket, and he clenched his teeth at the shiver that ran down your spine. His hands were violently shaking already, and your involuntary movements didn’t make it any better.

“Shh… shh… don’t move, angel… It’ll… it’ll be so quick, I promise.”

Another sob wrecked through his body as he lifted the delicate metal hammer.

“You need to try and sing for me, okay? Or hum. Or anything. I need… I need to know when it’s deep enough. Just try, angel. Just try, okay?”

Jonathan’s voice was as shaky as the grip on the instruments. But by God, he had to do this. He had to keep you by his side. His other half, his future, his everything. The vessel of every passion and love he poured into you. You just stared up at him through watery eyes, unable to open your mouth anymore, so you settled for humming. It was a nonsensical melody, a mish-mash of several nursery rhymes without a title. The first strike of the hammer against the orbitoclast caused an incredible pressure to spread in your skull, and black spots settled in your vision as the tip of the instrument breached bone. The crack was nauseating, but you couldn’t even struggle. Jonathan’s breathing became heavy, and he wheezed out a sob that sounded like it came from a dying animal when he saw the blood that began to fill your eye. But he had to continue.

“Just like that. Just like that, angel.”

With trembling hands, he prepared himself for the second strike, but he underestimated the adrenaline that his blackened heart was pumping through his veins. Something went wrong, his sweaty hands slipped off the equipment, skewing the angle of the pick when he hit it. And he hit it hard. Immediately, your humming stopped and turned into stuttered noises. A bead of clear fluid dripped from your nose, rolling down over your lips. This wasn’t blood.

The crushing realization that he messed up caused Jonathan to freeze entirely. Cerebrospinal fluid was leaking out of your nose at a quick rate, sending him into a blind panic. He tried to pull the pick from your eye, causing even more damage to your precious brain. A brain that was meant to love, not hurt. But here you are, wasting away before his very eyes. You’re suffering beneath him like a bird that hit a window in a curious attempt to explore. And you did explore.

Back in his childhood, he once found an injured crow in the shade of the family house. The poor thing was twitching and bleeding, much like you are now. Jonathan remembered the crushing emotions that he felt when he looked at the animal. And he also remembered the feeling when his grandmother put it out of its misery by crushing the crow’s head under her shoe like it was nothing. Like it was nothing. You weren’t nothing, but you still deserved that brand of mercy.

He doesn’t remember how he did it. Whether he wrapped his hands around your throat or injected you with enough muscle relaxant to put you down. In fact, he doesn’t remember much of the first night of complete silence. When he emerged from the blur, his throat felt raw from sobbing, and his eyes were swollen and red. He had left the room that contained your body immediately, fearing that he’d catch fire from stepping into a place that had been consecrated by the death of an angel. Eventually, after he had bitten his lips bloody and used up every tear in his eyes, he dared to face you again. And God, were you still so beautiful. And as ashamed as he was for thinking this way, there was also a positive to this. A big one at that. You would always be his. No one else would ever get the privilege of seeing your eyes or hearing your voice again. You truly belonged to him in every way. And as he stepped over to kneel besides your body and take your hand in his, he actually smiled. It was just the two of you. Like you always planned.

It was a grueling process. To strip skin from flesh, and flesh from bone. But he was patient. Patient in the same way that you were with him. Patient in a tender, saccharine way that made his insides squirm as if he was infested by maggots. But the only parasite inside of him was love. That's how it works, right? You can never truly get rid of it.

Once the bones were clean, he had to step back for a while. The impending loneliness made him stumble into the bathroom to vomit into the toiled bowl. For a good 30 minutes, he sat there. Doubled over and white-knuckling the porcelain. There was no disgust involved. Just fear. God, he was terrified of being alone again. Terrified of truly losing the one thing he couldn't breathe without. And as he sat there, heaving like a dog, he found a solution.

He ate your heart first.

Every bite, every mashing of teeth against teeth was an act of love. He had to pause a few times, chuckling at himself for his choice. How cheesy it was to go for the heart first. But how could he not? Even Jonathan wasn't immune to symbolism. It wasn't about taste or texture. It was about the growing sensation of having his stomach filled. Of having his hunger satiated by forming an everlasting connection with you. You would never be wearing his wedding ring, but you'd be with him forever in a different way. You'd be his until the day that he died. And even then, he hoped, your spirits would be so entangled that there was no way of separating the two of you. Maybe you'll get reincarnated as one soul together.

Over the course of three weeks, he forced himself to consume as much of you as he possibly could, setting the table for two since you were there as well. It always started off tame. He tried to savor the feeling of becoming one, but at some point, his composure always cracked, and he ate your body like he was a starving animal trying to fill the never-ending pit inside of him. The part that hurt him more than anything, though, was crafting a story. In the process of keeping you to himself, he had to ruin your reputation.

It was easy for others to believe. Of course, you would leave Jonathan for someone else. Most people in your small circle secretly never believed that this relationship would last. It was easy to make them believe something they had already expected to happen at some point. In this crafted lie, you went off to live with someone else, far away from Gotham. But in reality, you were always here with him. Beneath his skin that now became your own.

Jonathan never thought he’d feel peace. But now, that he has finished digging this hole in Gotham Central Park, he thinks he’s gotten pretty close. It has started to rain a few minutes ago, but he’s not bothered. In his mind, it’s your doing. Your loving attempt to wash the sin and guilt from his body. Because you know the depths of his devotion, know the intend behind his actions. This isn’t the first hole he has dug since the two of you became one. But it’s the final one. Back when he was confronted with the reality of what to do with your bones, he decided to do what you would want. You always were the romantic in the relationship, so he decided to leave your remains in places that were significant to the both of you.

His hands aren’t shaking anymore, as he pulls the plastic bag that he brought closer to himself. The material shreds quickly as his fingers tear through it, and he pulls it open to reveal the last pieces of your previous body. A tender smile spreads over his face as he reaches into the bag to pull out the bones of your fingers and wrists, remembering how he tore off the flesh and skin with his teeth. Your loving touch would always be with him. Carefully, he lowers everything into the hole he dug before he turns to the final piece. Tears of relief well up in his eyes as he gazes upon the empty sockets of your lovely skull. With the caution and gentleness of a mother setting down her newborn, he places your skull into the earth, whispering promises of everlasting love under his breath. This isn’t the end. Far from it. Once he wipes his eyes with his sleeve, he notices something else. It takes a moment to dislodge one of your molars from your jawbone, but Jonathan eventually manages. The piece of ivory bone almost seems to glow in the dim light that’s being casted by a distant street lamp. It’s your tooth. You share his now, so there’s no need for it anymore. But it’s one last piece of your smile.

And in a final act of completion, he swallows it.

[elektramustdie]

𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬.

Hi!! so this is my first time writing on Tumblr, but I think I can do it lol so yeah!!

NSFW BELOW >_<

warnings , Dom/sub dynamics, unprotected sex ( don’t be silly wrap that willy ) , choking, oral (fem receiving) slight daddy kink.

Agreeing to go on tour with Ronnie was one of the best decisions you've ever made, travelling to every corner of the world and watching your boyfriend perform in front of thousands of people in the most extravagant outfits every night was honestly a dream, but now after four months being on the road with him you we're finally going home for a break. "Wake up darling'' Ronnie said stroking your cheek, it was only 7'o'clock in the evening in the us, but jet lag was getting the better of you so Ronnie being more accommodated to flying here there an everywhere gladly drove you two home from the airport whilst you napped. You give him a lazy smile stretching your arms in the air "we're home" you say excitedly looking at the front of your home, you honestly thought you forgot what it looked like after not seeing it in 4 months. He smiled, admiring his girl and how cute she looked rubbing her sleepy eyes with her whole palm like a child.

He opens his door and climbs out of the car, quickly making his way to your side to open the door for you like the gentleman he is, "m'lady" he gestures for you to get out the car " well thankyou kind sir" you giggle at him, pecking his cheek on your way to the back of the car.

You two make a quick job of getting all your luggage into the house, only dumping them in the porch already agreeing to deal with it in the morning. You walk into the kitchen to be greeted by Lacy your cat, You felt bad for leaving her for so long but a friend insisted that nothing would happen while she house sit. "hey dais how are you, missed you soo much" you coo towards her she let you stroke her for a maximum of two seconds before she spots Ronnie in the doorway and bounds over to him. You chuckle, Daisy had always had a soft spot for Ronnie and you couldn't really blame her "not giving mama cuddles huh, missed your daddy too much" he said with the cat laid in his arms, her paws up as if she was in surrender, Eventually she scrambled out of his arms going to her bed in the living room you presumed. "Wanna go and watch a film in bed baby, I can choose whatever, Your not making me watch The Notebook again"

"You cried at the end but whatever" she rolls her eyes and smiles walking to grab his outstretched hand. The two of you trudge up the stairs, and when you finally make it to the top you run into the bedroom that you and Ronnie shared, and jumped onto your California king bed, making Ronnie laugh at your antics. You had truly missed this bed after being in a tour bus for what seemed like forever.

There was just something about the duvet and the memory foam mattress cover that you couldn't get enough of. The sheets were extra soft and smelled like fresh flowers, You laid flat on your back with your arms and legs splayed out like a starfish. "This is better than sex" You say jokingly but sounded quite serious due to how comfortable you were. This made Ronnie spin round to face you with his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his lips. He made his way to the bed, you had your eyes closed so when you felt his breath against the side of your neck it made you jump and a shiver ran down you spine. "You sure about that sweet girl?" You open you eyes in shock, not knowing what you said would get him riled up that quickly, or bruise his forever increasing ego, but you knew if you kept playing along he would give it to you really good just so that he could prove you wrong, and you were all for it.

"Are you saying that this bed is better than my cock…my fingers…and my mouth?" Kissing you on the sweet spot on your neck between his words.

‘Hmm, | don't know you'll have to show me can't remember."

"Oh baby you don't know what you've gotten your self into, I'm gonna make you remember it for days" making a moan escape your lips, he pounced on top of you pinning you arms above your head kissing you on you lips multiple times before pecking all the way down you chest and tummy.

Ronnie knew you were probably joking but he loved having his way with you and for the last 4 months being on tour the only sort of intimacy you two had was quick fucks in dressing and hotel rooms with being so busy all the time and at night Ronnie was understandably tired after doing a show. He wanted to dominate the shit out of you tonight and you had just added fuel to the fire, so with no fear of someone walking in on you both he was going to let loose. 

He pulls back and releases your arms, "strip for me baby, then | want you to sit at the top of the bed with your back against the headboard" you moaned softly at his words, already putty in his hands and instantly start undressing as he did the same.

Once you were naked, and sat against the headboard you couldn't help but stare at your boyfriend pulling his t-shirt over his head making his arms flex, your pussy become slick with your wetness as you watched him. Once he freed his cock from the confines of his boxers, he gives his shaft a few tugs trying to relieve some of the building pressure.

‘Jesus, Your so hot’ he groans crawling up the bed, you legs spreading even more on instinct to give him more room. He lays on his belly once he is closer to you wrapping his arms around your thighs swiftly dragging you so that his face was barely centre metres away from your sopping cunt, you drape you legs over his shoulder heels digging into his back.

"M'gonna use my mouth… and my fingers and I'm gonna make you cum so hard sweet girl" you squirm in his grip his, eyes looking directly into yours. He gives you no warning as he ducks down pressing a kiss directly on your clit, then licking a bold stripe up your entire pussy "always to wet for me, you taste just like a strawberry angel." You throw your head back, your hands gripping onto the sheets to prepare yourself for what was to come.

He focuses back on your clit flicking his tongue from side to side, he teases his middle finger round your entrance making you buck your hips "patience dollface " he says removing his lips from your clit to suck a hickey onto the inside of your thigh. "Feels so so good Ronnie" the first words you had spoken except moan after moan since Ronnie started, your fingers pinching your nipples, he smirks up at you, his cock twitching against the sheets. He decides to give you his fingers, inserting two at the same time, you whine at how easily they slid into you. He gives no time to adjust curling them into a ‘cone hither’ motion then pumping them in and out going knuckle deep every time hitting spots that you would never have been able to fine with your own, a calloused finger rubbing tight circles around you clit. "How good is daddy making you feel, tell me"

"So f-fucking good, your fingers feel amazing inside me daddy" you can't stop your eyes from rolling into the back of your head as his mouth finds it's place back on your clit, adding a third finger into you cunt, still thrusting at a delicious pace, You could feel the knot tightening in your belly, but not only that you felt like a balloon was ready to burst within you.

You tangle your lingers In his hair, knowing that he loved it when you tugged on his curls, but you also did it so that he wouldn't pull away and deny you of an orgasm when you were almost falling off the edge. "Clenching around my fingers baby, know your gonna cum, stop holding back let go for me"

‘Fuck Ronnie , I'm so close’ you cry out "Yeah you gonna squirt for me, soak the sheets?" "Yes!" You scream "Go on then, cum for me pretty girl"

You couldn't hold back any longer, after a few more thrusts of his fingers you let go screaming as you do, the ballon inside you also bursting, he moaned out. Your legs were shaking, your head was thrown back, and your back arched as he continued thrusting his fingers inside of you to ride out your intense orgasm. After a few moments you took in a sharp breath having forgotten how to breathe "holy shit" you barely mustered up, you felt like you were floating in mid air, you don't think you've cum that hard in a very long time.

After a couple of minutes you start to come down from your high, you look at Ronnie who was still in the same position, his eyes were glazed over in lust "that was so fucking hot swear | could've cum just right there and then" Ronnie swore he could spend hours between your legs, he couldn't get enough of your taste. Eventually he presses one last kiss on your clit, before blowing air directly onto the small bud, making you squirm at the overstimulation.

He moves up your body, pressing kisses against your skin along the way, swirling his tongue around your hardened nipples then blowing air only each in just like he had done to your clit making a shiver run up your spine. He reaches your lips kissing, dipping his tongue into your mouth so that you could taste your juices.

"Was that good baby" his words muffled by your lips.

'Yes, m’kinda sleepy now though’ you say shutting your eyes a lazy smile spreading across your face. "No falling asleep on me now, haven't even fucked you yet" This makes you perk up a bit, now yearning to be filled with Ronnie's cock, you had only just come down from your last orgasm but you were ready for another one." ‘Want you to come deep inside of me, want you to fill me up so bad" you whine.

"You want my cock baby’

'Yes please’ you were desperate now.

"Well since you asked so nicely’ he reaches down tugging his cock a few times spreading pre-cum over his length, before slipping into your warm cunt both of you groaning at the feeling, he thrusts all the way inside you his length stretching your walls deliciously. " Ohhh sweet girl, swear you pretty cunt was made for me, can | move now? " You nod. he instantly complies not being able to stay still any longer. He starts a steady pace pulling nearly all the way out before thrusting back in hitting the deepest spots within you. You reach your arms over his shoulders tracing some of his tattoos along the way then gripping onto the soft skin. Whimpers and groans filled the room as. Ronnie buried his face in your neck, your natural scent mixed with your favourite perfume intoxicating him, you take your chance to suck a hickey onto his neck after not having much time to mark him up. He was fucking into you at a fast pace now, getting lost in pleasure "so deep" you moan. He moved his face from your neck, gripping onto the headboard with one hand to get more leverage, the sight of him above you pounding you into the mattress turned you on even more if that was possible. 

His hand flies to your throat gripping it just enough so it restricted you breathing slightly, "like that baby, you love it when daddy rough with you, don't ya?"

"Yes daddy, fucking love it' you scream as he starts hitting your g-spot repeatedly.

" Oh shit, I'm gonna cum, you gonna cum with me" he groans hand getting slightly tighter around your throat.

"'m gonna cum too, please keep fucking me like that" you mumnle out as your eyes roll into the back of your head your heels looped round his back and crossed at the ankle to keep him as close as possible. His thrusts start to falter and his cock twitches telling you he was about to fall over the edge ‘cum inside me ronnie want you to make me yours forever. please daddy want it soo much" you whimper also starting to tumble over.

" I'm cumming" he growls sheathing into your cunt his cock twitching one last time, he emptied his load inside you, the sensation of his seed filling you up also made you cum, Ronnie's grip on your throat giving you a head-rush as you do, you both felt euphoric. After the waves of your release come crashing down in you. your body goes limp, you know that you will be sore tomorrow and probably the day after but it was all worth it. Ronnie takes longer to come down from his high, his cum now dripping out of your pussy. "You okay?" you say sweetly looking up at him.

‘Oh I'm more than okay baby, feel fucking incredible’ He takes his loosened hand off of your throat before resting his body on top of yours, his cock still buried inside of you ‘I take back that last statement about this bed being better than sex’ you whispered breathlessly into his hair. "You better’ he tiredly laughs into your neck. 





































[tryan-a-bex]

100 fics

Today I posted my 100th fic on Ao3!

My first was Pottery; or Function, Purpose and Heart on Mar 11, 2023. It was a retired Dreamling fic with Destruction (who I call Joe) as the main character.

I moved fairly quickly into my Spy x Family crossover series. Anya is so cute, and throwing her in with Dreamling and the Endless family led to a lot of fun shenanigans! (Generally you don't need to know Spy x Family canon to follow these.)

Next I started on my Sandman x Scooby Doo shenanigans! I really like the Scooby Gang, and there are definitely some mysteries to solve surrounding the Endless! (With awesome art by @sab-draws!)

Gaulcienne caught my eye next. Lucienne, my beloved librarian, and the shape-changing dream-fairy? Oh yes! A Quiet Love with Wings has most of my commissioned art, with pieces by @athymelyreply for Sometimes when You Fall, You Fly, @ibrithir-was-here for Fireflies and a Missing Person, and @designtheendless for The Dragon Rider!

King of Night and Prince of Day, for @nathanwonderwolf's wonderful art, has the second highest kudos of all my fics.

Then I invented an OC who is the preteen personification of the consciousness of humanity, aka Social Media. I thought this was pure crack but people liked it and now it's a series! Dinner and Play was created with @carnelianmeluha's food ideas in mind!

My Dreamling works tend to be short and sweet, often prompted by something on tumblr or discord, and are collected as Dreamling vignettes.

I have recently written (but not yet posted) my first honest to god smut, but early dabbles in the craft were mostly crack, like my Helm Fucking Crack series. I'm unreasonably proud of how cracked it is, and thank everyone who enabled me (notably @sleepsonfutons, @windsweptinred, @tickldpnk8, @zzoomacroom, read their fics!).

My obsession with Fuckboi Dream (mind the tags) is ongoing, and included creating a chapter index with notes so I can find things, a series about Murphy's childhood (somebody please read these, they are so cute), and others, fanart as well!

In The Dragon's Tongue, Lucienne takes on Titania! I commissioned @lostelfwriting to write the bdsm continuation of the scene, and she did a fantastic job!

A Reunion in the Dreaming (picnic recreated here) was the first fic in Walking with the Walkers, my series about Rose, Jed and Unity. It features Rose and Ara (Barbie transformed in Life is but a Dream), Rose and Jed meeting their Endless family members, Jed and Gault having adventures, and Unity throwing family parties in the Dreaming (with art by @ilya-halfelven).

Trials of a Shapeshifter in Love (in which Gault tries to surprise Lucienne with a romantic dinner) was my favourite fic from October 2023 -- Femslash weekend (by @sandmanfemslashfans ) and Monsterfucktober (by @seiya-starsniper and friends) made it a really fun month! I also wrote Chantal and Zelda, Johanna and Death, and zombie Lyta (my most angsty fic, I believe).

Just Get Me Off the Damn Mountain was written for designtheendless' contest and omg, I won! It is my most popular fic, at 185 kudos!

I also wrote an OG story for NaNoWriMo! At 23k, Wander Witch is by far my longest story (the next longest is under 9k).

After a bit of being stuck, I got started again by writing continuations of @gabessquishytum's asks! Thank you to Gabe and to all the anons and contributors who allowed me to post their parts of the story!

Asmi, @weirdly-specific-but-ok, argued that he does not have a fandom, so (with permission) I proved him wrong by writing fanfic where he meets Crowley and the Maggot Fam. I love you, Asmi and the maggots!

Heading on an Adventure, the story of Rose and Orpheus' road trip, led to a series of library adventures for Lucienne (often featuring Meowpheus), starting with The Library Cat and continuing in the Lucienne my Beloved series.

I wanted more Lucienne and Walkers content, so I started a side blog, @lucienne-my-beloved, and am open to prompts there! On ao3, the series is called ficlets for lucienne.

Hob Meets the Doctor June 7, 2389 and The line I will not cross and the line I will (Gaulcienne) are my space fics, and I am unreasonably happy about them!

I'm now writing for @augustwritingchallenge! (They got me over 100 in my wips a week or two ago!) I combined prompts so you'll see a fic every 2-5 days in various series and fandoms, including Good Omens (Aug 30) and Dead Boy Detectives (soon).

And my 100th fic! Why are you whispering? a Jed and Rose fic for the late night call prompts. Woohoo!

Thank you so much to everyone who has supported my fandom journey! I'm the least depressed one in my long covid cohort, due to your support and friendship! I cherish every kudo and comment and bookmark and reblog, and the art and fics you all create as well!

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Butterfly IV

a/n I hope y'all are still enjoying this! Do let me know if you want me to continue to write this or should we have one more lovely chapter to end this with.

summary: When Joel thinks that his life is over his little butterfly sends him a new reason to stay alive. The only problem is that he doesn't know how to love but when you are the meaning of love itself how can he not fall.

Previous chapters are on my blog cause tumblr ain't letting me add links.

warnings: mention of past trauma, forced starvation, fainting spells.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Your eyes snapped open in a frantic attempt to search for the body that was laying pressed right beside you all night long. Ellie wasn't there. You sat up quickly, your hand instantly coming to hold your head as a wave of pain shot through it. The sleep seemed restless at best. You tried to first fall asleep in the bed you and Joel shared, but the sheer size of the emptiness that surrounded you only made your heart hurt more. So you made your way to Ellie, wrapping your hands around her as you focused your mind on her presence.

Yet your dreams were still filled with images of Joel. Of the times you two were utterly, truly, fully emotionally naked in front of one another, when the knives you two held for self-defense were long forgotten. Pushed to the side. And you two just were. Fingers laced together as you started at one another. No words were needed at moments like that. Eyes said it all. Truly the window to one's soul.

If only loving and staying true to yourself was that easy. Writing it all off as the consequence of the outbreak felt lame after twenty-plus years. Surely by now, people would have adapted. Moved on from the past. Well, if not moved on, at least make peace with it. You hated the fact that all you wanted to do now was cuddle closer to Joel, hiding your face from the morning sun in the crook of his neck just like most mornings. He had been your shelter. He still was. Nothing besides death could truly keep you apart. If that scared you, it sure as fuck scared him. With that, you fell back onto the bed. Eyes staring at the ceiling.

"So what is this?", Ellie had slipped out of bed to the sound of Joel walking downstairs. The sight of you asleep, even if your eyebrows were slightly crunched up, made Ellie choose against waking you up. So she made the best of the situation and followed Joel. Now, about an hour later, she was inspecting the car that was supposed to take you to three places. Joel looked up from the side of the garage, "A wing mirror." Ellie looked around, "Where's the wing?" She questioned, truly invested in breaking down every part of the spaceship in front of her. "Have you never seen a car before?", Joel asked, and Ellie quickly shook her head.

Joel was not expecting Ellie to follow him out to the garage. When he heard someone stepping in, he hoped it was you. He needed to clear the water. The tension and the lack of your presence in the past 24 hours had been torture for him. "Sorry for pointing a knife at you," Ellie had first croaked out, and Joel had shifted in his seat. He cared for the girl. Even if he was constantly telling himself that he didn't. He had started to care for her the moment he bashed her into a wall. Joel wasn't expecting to do that to a kid. He could have given her a concussion.

"You defended Y/N; good to know you have some serious balls," Joel said, turning away from Ellie as he looked over the wall of guns. Ellie snickered, "You said balls", "You're a kid if it still makes you laugh", Ellie went into a defensive monologue after that. Trying to prove Joel wrong, but his face stayed blank. She offered to help him do whatever Joel was doing, but that mostly resulted in her getting star-struck by the car as she circled it.

"You want to sit in it?", Ellie's eyes grew big at that suggestion, a light smile tugging at her lips. "Get in then", Joel stood up to approach her. The worrier inside was afraid that if he was too far away and Ellie somehow got the car started, he wouldn't be fast enough to stop it. He watched as Ellie looked around the inside. Fingers grazing over different buttons, "Don't press anything", Joel said firmly, yet deep down he was enjoying seeing her like this.

"Dude, it's a spaceship," Ellie said as her hands clasped the steering wheel. Until she moved to turn it slightly, at which point it yielded to her motion. Ellie's hands instantly came off the wheel as it did, eyes snapping to Joel. "If you'll let go of it like that in the middle of the road, you will be dead", Ellie could swear she heard a light snort before Joel said it. Her eyes fell to the side mirror, catching a figure in it. She turned behind her but was met with the seat instead of the view of the garage. Quickly leaving out of the door, she turned to look back again. "Look, I'm in the car wroom, wroom," Ellie chirped happily.

Joel turned to the side as well. He met your gaze as you stood there leaning onto the door frame, hands crossed over your chest. For the first time, Joel found it hard to read your face. He couldn't make out if it was anger or just pure nothingness that lingered in your features. Was this how you felt looking at him? When he had one of his masks on. Or have you learned to read through them as well?

"Looks like you two have been busy," you said, taking a step closer. Joel debated whether he should speak up. More importantly, he didn't know if he could take being ignored by you. "Morning," you muttered to him as you passed, strolling closer to Ellie. A breath got caught in Joel's throat, and all he managed to do was nod his head your way.

"Missy, your things are still unpacked. If we want to leave today you better get going", you pointed your finger Ellie's way, and she copied your actions. Pressing her finger against yours. "Are we leaving today, though?" Ellie questioned, turning to Joel. "Yes, it's best if we do that and as soon as possible", Ellie hopped out of the car before embracing you in the side hug. Head resting right below your chest. You ran your hands up and down her side as you smiled down at her.

You couldn't and didn't blame her for making up with Joel. She probably needed him more than she needed you. And they had been secretly wanting to grow closer. Just instead, they constantly stepped on each other's toes. You moved to drag her with you. Her hands did not leave your torso as you pulled her through the garage. Ellie's laughter echoed throughout the place. "Could we possibly talk?", Joel's fingers skimmed over your skin, making you stop in your tracks. Ellie quickly looked between the two of you before muttering something about how she preferred to pack alone anyway as she stepped out of the garage.

You only stood there. Keeping your gaze fixed on the man in front of you. A male with whom you had been through a lot of shit. You two always made it. No matter how darn hard it was. You always clawed through. You could see it in Joel's eyes that this whole tension was suffocating him as much as it was suffocating you. "I didn't…I," Joel stuttered, quickly running his fingers through his beard, "I overstepped a line." You let out a bitter laugh, eyes coming up to look at him. "Ain't the first time, now that we think about it, huh", you wanted to be sweet and let him off. But you had done that for too long. Joel's jaw clenched, yet he didn't say anything in return.

"I'm trying to see eye to eye with you," "Joel, come on, your eye to eye seems backward", you pulled out a chair for yourself, sitting right in front of him. Joel's arms came to rest over his knees as he looked at the floor. "Well, forgive me that I want this. I want calmness, a touch of normality. I'm tired of running," you rasped. You knew those things you both envisioned differently. Or, more accurately, Joel had never discussed his vision for the future. If he even saw one. Sometimes his carelessness led him on suicide missions. Once again proving to you that he didn't want to live. And there was only so much you could do for a drowning man.

Joel shook his head, "Don't you apologize, I don't blame you for it", you let out a sigh, fingers twisting the strand of the hair between them as you contemplated the next step. "You can be angry all you want, but all I ask of you is human decency. You can want the whole world to get fucked because of what happened, because of the things that got taken from you, but there is a line in Joel". He opened his mouth to speak up, but you quickly lifted your hand. "I'm not asking you to become a ray of sunshine. In all honesty, that wouldn't suit you", you reached for his hand, and to Joel, it felt surreal to once again feel the warmth of your skin. He felt like an addict. Who through the years had formed a serious dependence on you. "Just try to be more human. Emotions are a natural thing, you know", you whispered the last part. Your eyes glossed over with tears once again. Joel pulled you closer by the hand. Instantly wrapping you up in his embrace. Finally being able to breathe. Finally being able to think. You were here. You were with him. You two were going to make it through. Yet the hug didn't last long as you pushed against his chest and stepped away from Joel.

"I'm not ready to forgive you." Those words cut deeper than Joel could have imagined. But he nodded his head anyway. "It'll take more than one nice conversation with Ellie," "I know. I… I will try", Joel spoke out with not that much confidence but he was willing to. Mostly for you. But he was willing to. You nodded. Just like the evening on the terrace, your fingers grazed over his chest as you stood to leave. "Meet you down here in twenty?", you asked softly. Joel's hand moved up to catch your palm, letting his fingers linger on your skin just a little longer. "Okay," he rasped out as you walked out.

Your hand was pushed out through the open window as you drove through the empty highway. The breeze was nice and cool. Ellie was passed out in the front seat. Like a true kid after too many stimulations. Joel barely allowed you to drive. Most of your attempts were met with him saying that you needed to rest or that he wasn't as tired yet, so after a while, you dropped your attempts. The last couple of days felt repetitive. Stops at every potential gas station or by any left-out car in the open. Sleeping somewhere deep down in the woods or further down the main road. Then repeat. Repeat. And repeat.

Ellie had slipped into the abandoned station as you and Joel walked around the cars checking for petrol. You stumbled slightly, bracing yourself against the broken-down car. Black dots start to cloud your vision. You let out a sharp breath. "Not now," you whispered under your breath as you slowly lowered yourself to the ground.

Your food supply was good, but knowing your overthinking brain, you had opted for lowering your portions and making sure that the two of them ate more instead. In situations like that, you were familiar with Joel and his habits. Bad habits. Habits of not sleeping. So if his body wasn't getting sleep, he at least needed to make up for it with food. And Ellie was always hungry. Like a true little puppy. As long as there was food in front of her, no one was going to stop her from eating.

You heard Joel's voice, "Y/N." Cursing under your breath, you tried to get back up but failed miserably. Hands slip down the side of the car as your bum hit the ground. "Love," Joel put the fuel tank down as he walked towards you, "You okay?" You nodded your head. Nonetheless, your eyes rolled to the back of your head, as your consciousness started to slip. The ringing in your ears became increasingly loud. It seemed like there was just not enough oxygen left in the air.

"Did you fucking eat today?", Joel was kneeling right in front of you now. He cupped your cheek with his hand as he snapped his fingers in front of you, trying to keep you alert. "Ellie!", Joel shouts, turning back. Ellie quickly turned her head towards the two of you. The sight of you on the ground forewarned her instantly. "Fucking fuck", your head limped into Joel's palm as he held you up from falling over. "Hand me your jacket", Joel reaches for Ellie, and she quickly shrugged it off her shoulders. Worried eyes watching Joel. He carefully lowered you to the ground so you would be lying on your back before moving to lift your legs slightly, rubbing his palms alongside your thighs, "Come on, now love, come on".

You had your fair share of fainting spells when you two had just met. You were severely underweight then. The fuckers who had you under their control had run you down to the last drop. Joel had visited them after he got you to a somewhat stable state. That was the moment he realized he was ready to burn down the world for you. QZ was painfully quick to realize that you were Miller's girl. And sure as hell, only brainless people dared to cross your path after that.

"Joel," Ellie's worried voice jolted Joel out of his reverie. Making him remember the first time he saw this happening. Genuinely thinking the worse. "It's okay. She just fainted. The front pocket of my bag, grab a packet or two", he had never seen Ellie move so quickly before. She took off like a bullet, coming back with handfuls of tiny glucose packets that Joel always carries with him. "Hold this up", he motioned for Ellie to replace him by your legs. Joel quickly opened the packet, pouring some of it into his fingers. Ellie frowned as she watched Joel rub the white powder on the inside of your cheek before his fingers moved to rest over your pulse points. "Joel…", she whispered again. Ellie had never seen people faint. It looked too close to death for her liking, and you couldn't die. Not now. Not ever.

Joel only got to glance at Ellie as your eyes twitched, and you started to blink frantically. "Here you are, here you are, easy", Joel's fingers ran down the side of your face as he looked at you. "You didn't eat," he said firmly, "You two needed to eat", you rasped out. Hating the bright sun that found its way into your eyes despite Joel's shadow. "Y/N," Joel said in a warning tone, yet you were quick to copy him, "Joel."

"Should have told me at least", now came in a worried tone. It always slipped out. "Our communication is complicated at the moment," you sassed back as, he slowly helped you sit up. "It's not funny", "Who's laughing?", Joel only rolled his eyes. He was glad you were okay. That's all that matters now. He reached for the water that Ellie must have brought with her, handing it to you, "Drink this, and then we'll try to stand up." You downed the water as if you hadn't drunk in days. Your body still felt strange, but that little rush of sweetness seemed to have been enough to kickstart your system.

"Y/N," your gaze shifted to the side, where a concerned Ellie stood. You reached your hand towards her, and she was quick to sink next to you. "I'm a fine baby," you muttered, kissing the side of her head. "You should have listened to Joel," you snorted, "Oh, nice, you two are now ganging up," making Ellie giggle as well. "But he does know best. Sometimes…," you raised your eyes to Joel, giving him a small smile that he returned.

"Okay, let's get going", Joel helped Ellie up as she picked up the fuel tank that was closest to her. Joel's arms sneaked under your legs, "I can walk", you fought back as he carefully lifted you up, "Yeah, and I can carry you", in any other way, you would have argued back, but you still didn't have it in you to do so. So you let him. Wrapping your arms around Joel's neck, you cling closer to him. Joel hoped the walk to the car would have lasted forever. He missed your touch. Even if you were in speaking condition, it was clear that you had drawn a line. You were just business partners now. The affection you two once shared was nowhere to be found.

You were sat by Joel now. Ellie said she wanted to sleep in the back, but you knew the real reason, and so did Ellie. Joel still wanted to keep an eye on you. It was quiet for some time until Ellie pulled something out of her back. The ruffling of pages caught your attention, making you turn around to look at her. "There's not much reading here, but the pictures are quite something," she said, as Joel's eyes looked up to the rearview mirror.

His eyes grew big as he turned to her, "Throw that away now", his voice had a warning tone but the sense of panic was way more visible. "No way, dude, I want to see what the fuss is about!", Ellie shifted the magazine in her hands, flipping through the pages, "How do you walk with that thing between your legs?", "Let me see", you curved towards her, and Ellie was quiet to turn the picture to you. "Y/N, don't encourage it", Joel growled from beside you, but you only let out a laugh, "Oh, this is average. I've seen bigger and better".

You clapped Joel's lap a couple of times as you turned back around. A smirk spread over your face as you bit your lip, trying hard not to laugh. Joel shook his head in disbelief before glaring at you, "I will throw you both out of the car." You lifted your hands defensively, "Only speaking facts." A gasp left Ellie's mouth once she finally clocked in on your words, "Oh gross, you've seen his… no, don't answer that", she pulled a disgusted face as she lead closer to the window to get rid of the magazine. "Seen? Girl, I've…", "No!", Ellie clapped her hands over her ears and hummed a loud melody to herself to muffle the noise. You let out a laugh. Eyes meeting Joel's as he turned to you breathily, shaking his head, "You are losing it", you let out another giggle, "For you? Always".

The camp for the night was set, and Ellie was already fast asleep. Clenching your hand in hers. You looked at the ever-so-slowly approaching darkness. How it slowly seeped through the trees. The suspense of what was still ahead of you was unsettling. Were you doing the right thing? What if you were willingly bringing Ellie into even more danger? What if you didn't even make it? What was Joel thinking? Was he thinking of you?

You felt someone nudging your shoulder, and moments later Joel slipped to sit right beside you. You two seemed okay the past couple of days. But were you? "You're thinking loudly again," Joel said, handing you another cup. You couldn't help but roll your eyes. He kept a close watch on you tonight during dinner. Joel knew you hated when he counted your bites, but it was for precaution. There wasn't much medication on hand. If your conditions were to go bad again. Well, Joel would have gained a whole head of white hair trying to find the right medication and help for you.

"You know I will be pissing all night if you'll keep this up", you growled, only making Joel smile a little, "I see plenty of bushes that could be utilized," he said and you hit his chest playfully. "How are you feeling?" Joel asked you, bringing his own cup closer to his lips. "About us or in general?", your words took Joel by surprise. Of course, first and foremost, he was referring to your health. That was the most important thing in Joel's eyes now. "I want to give you space. I don't want you rushing into a relationship, especially when I'm like this," Joel blurred out, hands gripping the cup tightly. "Well, it's ten years too late, Joel," you said, moving to rest your head on his shoulders.

"You should give up on me," Joel said, the darkness making it easier for him to speak. He felt like he could almost hide behind it. Like it somehow shielded his fears, "Here you are wrong. Plus, we made a promise to each other." You lifted your left hand. The hand with the butterflies. The hand Joel had slipped a makeshift ring on a couple of years into your being together. He had sat down every night for over a week, trying to make a ring for you out of all the little things he found around the place. Joel had no idea why, but he had to do it.

"We had a little too much to drink and…", "Excuses, excuses. Unless you want me to take it off," you said, lifting the hand that was playing with Ellie's hair and moving it toward the ring as Joel caught both of your hands in his. "You promised to never take it off," Joel said firmly, "And I ain't planning to. That should be an answer in itself." Your hand reached for the side of Joel's face as you once again rested your hand on his shoulder. He gently kissed your palm before kissing the side of your head. Watching over the dark forest in front of him. That's why a man like you and I are here.

[wicked-bluebird]

take a load off pt. 2

read pt. 1 here (tumblr) or here (ao3).

mdni | 18+ | nsfw

You move around the counter and head towards Sydney. He struggles to obscure his smirk as you inch ever closer. You debate not giving in and sitting beside him, but in the end you decide to sit on his lap.

You turn around to take your place. Sydney's hands are quick as lightning as he lifts your skirt in tandem with you lowering yourself on his lap - careful not to expose you in the library, but still ensuring no extra barrier between your ass and his lap. The fabric of his khakis is a somewhat unfamiliar texture on your skin, the back half of your skirt pools on his lap.

"No underwear?" he practically purrs. Your cheeks burn red.

"You know he'll just take them..." you lament. "the bastard." you tack on at the end.

Your body wobbles a bit as Sydney chuckles to himself. "So naughty... but remind me to thank him next time I see him" he whispers against the shell of your ear.

You want to find it in yourself to be annoyed but your position on his lap, the tactile sensation of his pants, and his breath against your ear are proving more distracting than one would expect. You squirm. 

You sit there in silence for a few moments, you're not entirely sure what to do now. Should you study? Spark up a conversation? Just as you're about to lean over to take some of your work out of your bag someone approaches the counter to return a book. They arch their brow a bit when they see you on Sydney's lap, they quickly seem to decide they don't care. "Here, I'm returning this." They hold out a book and one of Sydney's hands reaches out to grab it as he leans forward slightly, his other hand moves to rest prominently on your waist. Your face burns.

"Thanks, this is on time so you're good to go," he stamps it in and delivers a too bright smile. The student, visibly over whatever display is going on, turns to leave.

"Sy-Sydney," you gulp. "Maybe I should just stand..." His hand on your hip tightens, the other snakes to your thigh, slipping under your already displaced skirt to rest warmly on your upper thigh. 

"Why? Are you uncomfortable?" he asks. He rests his chin on your shoulder, his thumb begins to gently stroke the skin on your thigh. 

Your stomach flips and you inhale deeply. "No.... but maybe some other students might... get the wrong idea." 

"Hmm? And what idea would that be?" his hand slides closer to your core.  

Your quickly grasp his hand through the fabric of your skirt, trying to stop his movement as your gaze darts around the library. "What if someone comes to the desk for books?" you whisper frantically.

"We've done worse in the library, darling. Worse at this desk, even," he reminds you. "My hand's just on your thigh... that's fairly innocent I'd say."

"Were you imagining something indecent?" You can almost hear the teasing in his voice, the octave dropping just slightly. He continues before you can answer "Did you think of me touching you here in my lap with all these people around? Did you envision me trailing my fingers across your lips... teasing your clit before finally dipping them inside you?" Have you stopped breathing? Does it feel hotter in here? You can't find your words, entranced by the lewd image he's painting.

"Maybe you imagined someone walking up while I fucked you with my fingers... hmm, did I grab the book with my free hand and keep working you, or did I extract myself and let them see the mess on my fingers while I stamp their book?" You gasp.

"I suppose we wouldn't want to dirty any of the books... but maybe an exception could be made if it was already a lost cause," he ponders to himself, as if he was evaluating something absurdly mundane and not this.

"Anyways, I'm sure you weren't having those kinds of thoughts were you, love?" 

"Well now I am" you quietly murmur once you find your voice.  

He huffs a stilted laugh against your ear. "Yeah? And now what are you thinking?"

(1) Release your grip on his hand | ++ Love | + + Sydney's Corruption | ++ Lust (2) Keep his hand in place | + Love | - Sydney's Corruption | + Lust (3) Decide to stand | - Love

[reinerispretty]

pause technique.

satoru gojo x f!reader. sequel to best of luck. , second installment of heart beats series!

here i am again, uploading my works from ao3 onto tumblr. wrote this one in 2022, hope you guys enjoy!!

SUMMARY:

Not a lot scares Gojo, except for losing you.

“Megumi?”

Fushiguro finds that odd. You never call him by his first name. “Huh?” He turns to look back at you.

“Would you mind giving Ijichi a call?” He hears you huff a laugh. “Not sure if I can make it back on my own.” 

And then you’re falling. 

--- --- ---

“I don’t think that’s what happened,” You say, turning your nose up haughtily. You’re letting your pride get the better of you and you know it. But you’re embarrassed , and you’re embarrassed that you’re so embarrassed. 

It shouldn’t be such a big deal to you. Even the best Jujutsu Sorcerers get injured during battle. Even if you had died, you don’t think anyone would have faulted you for it. These things happen. 

But there’s a voice in the back of your head that you haven’t heard in years, one that resurfaced the second you decided to be a Sorcerer again. It tells you that you’re not like the people you surround yourself with, that you’re not worthy of the First Grade classification that you earned. 

Logic would tell you it’s wrong, but sometimes even that fails you. 

The curse had been particularly nasty, too. You’d been assigned to take on the semi-Grade One and bring Fushiguro and Itadori along with you. A teachable moment where they could see your techniques in action. 

It’d been a while since you’d gone on a mission, but in the years you’d been absent from the field, you tried to keep yourself sharp. Took out Grade Fours and Threes when you stumbled across them, as well as the occasional Two. Some techniques, however, aren’t worth using on those types, and so they fell into the background. 

The two first years came with you, but you ordered them to stay out of it. For them to truly see this technique, they couldn’t be fighting alongside you. They had to watch closely. 

It’s called the Pause Technique. It causes a reaction delay. Once in use, any hit your opponent lands on you won’t take effect until after you’ve released the technique. An adrenaline rush on steroids, of sorts. It’s useful in close-combat and for ending fights quickly, which is the best method for exorcising Grade Ones. 

As soon as the technique is released, however, the pain you’d avoided for the duration of your fight comes back, all at once. It’s high risk, high reward, but as long as you’re precise, it’s worth it in your eyes. Unfortunately, there can be a few miscalculations, especially if you haven’t utilized it in a while. 

During a fight, if you aren’t feeling pain, it can be hard to catalog just how much you’ve endured. After defeating the Grade One, you released your technique, not realizing the extent of your injuries. It was a mistake on your part, a result of having been out of practice. You don’t like making mistakes. 

“So you’re calling me a liar?” Despite the accusatory words, Fushiguro just sounds exhausted. You wonder if he slept at all. You’ve known him since he was a kid, and you feel guilty for worrying him. 

“You should’ve let us help you,” Itadori says. You vaguely remember him sitting at your bedside through the night, but you aren’t sure. “We could have taken care of it together.” 

You feel horrible for placing the responsibility of your care on two children. You were unconscious, but you assume that one of them had to carry your limp body back to the car, unsure if you were going to make it through the night. You can only imagine how scared they must have been. 

If you’d been in your right mind, you would have let them help. You’ve always thought that one learns more by doing than watching, after all. But that part of you that’s so desperate to prove yourself, that still strives for perfection, stood in your way. And look where it’s gotten you: bedridden for the time being while they look at you with a mix of anger and concern. 

You sigh, leaning back into the pillows. Itadori had brought you extra to prop yourself up. “I let my pride get in the way. I was supposed to be teaching the two of you and instead…” You don’t like the way your throat is starting to constrict, so you clear it. “I won’t let it happen again. I’m sorry.” 

“It was a good lesson on what not to do,” Fushiguro says, but when you look up at him, there’s a slight smile on his face. You return the gesture. 

“And before you passed out, it was pretty epic,” Itadori tells you. “I’ve never seen someone take out a Grade One so fast!” 

“Thanks, Itadori. Once I’m better, I can show you how to do the Power Bomb technique.” 

“ You can do a Power Bomb? ” 

The door to the dorm slides open as Itadori bombards you with questions. You feel the person’s energy before you see them, and it isn’t difficult for you to tell that it’s Gojo. Nor is it difficult for you to tell that he’s upset with you. 

He carries himself casually, a relaxed smile on his face. His eyes are hidden behind dark sunglasses today. Itadori and Fushiguro seem unaware of the man’s disposition, but you know from the way the tendon in his neck flexes. A minuscule detail, but one you’ve known for years. 

“Heard you had quite the mission,” Gojo says, white teeth gleaming. He’s good at hiding his true emotions. “Congrats on taking out the Grade One! Real impressive stuff you did out there.” Impressive, he says. Reckless , he means. 

“Thank you,” You say calmly, turning your attention back toward the boys, and out of the corner of your eye you see Gojo stiffen at your rebuff, but you’d rather not start anything with students around. “Could you guys give us a moment? I’d like to give Gojo a report on what happened.” 

“Don’t bite each other’s heads off,” Fushiguro says as he drags Itadori out by his collar. It surprises you. Perhaps he knows the two of you better than you thought. 

“I’ll bring pizza later!” Itadori calls out to you, just as the door shuts. 

You adjust yourself in the bed. You wish you were at home. Perhaps the reason you splurge so much on bedsheets is because the ones at Jujutsu High are ass . You miss your down comforter and cooling memory foam mattress. 

The two of you are silent as Gojo takes a seat. You can feel his eyes on you, searching for your injuries. You’d had some massive bruising and internal bleeding, but Shoko had taken care of it. The only bandage you have is on your forehead from a small cut when you collapsed. For the most part, you’re just sore. 

“Nanamin told me you used Pause Technique.” 

Snitch! You were going to throttle him with that stupid tie of his. 

“I’m fine ,” You remind him. “I took care of the Grade One. Shoko healed me. It’s fine.” He’s dramatic all the time, but especially when it comes to you. 

Gojo’s silent. He tilts his head toward the ceiling, white hair falling out of his face. “Do you remember the last time you used it?” 

A few months after your graduation, the two of you had been assigned to take out a Special Grade. Gojo’d been busy across town so you left before him, having every intention of simply scoping out the curse before he arrived. Those plans changed rather quickly. 

A family had been camping in the woods the curse called home. You’d been told that everyone in the area had been evacuated, but they must not have gotten the alert. If you waited for Gojo to come, the curse might have killed them. 

You don’t regret making the choice to fight. You’d used your technique to the fullest extent of its power. You weakened the curse significantly by the time Gojo showed up, but once the fighting was done and you released your technique, there was nothing but pain. The blinding sort that halts all thought and movement until all you know is hurt . 

To you, it’s a cost worth paying. 

“I thought you were dying.” Your eyes widen. He’s never told you that before. “I thought I was watching you die and I couldn’t do anything.” 

Gojo exhales, sitting forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “When Nanamin called and told me that you’d used it again, I expected him to tell me that it’d killed you.” 

Your lips press into a thin line. It can kill you, if you sustain a grievous wound. It stops the pain but it doesn’t stop how it affects the body. A sword could go through you and you wouldn’t feel it, but you’d still be bleeding out. If you took a hit like that and didn’t realize, you’d drop dead before the fight was over. 

“Promise me you won’t use it again. It’s too much of a risk.” 

“You take risks all the time,” You protest. How is it fair if he can be reckless, but you can’t? 

“I don’t care about my life, but I care about yours.” 

You stare at him. You can see the faint outline of his eyes through his sunglasses, boring into yours. You shift to sit directly in front of him, wincing as your sore body moves. His large hands are on you in an instant, just desperate to touch you. “I don’t like scaring you. I should’ve been more mindful tonight. I got into my head about being a First Grade Sorcerer and went too far. I’m sorry.” 

Gojo sighs, closing his eyes. “But,” You continue, and they pop back open. “I won’t promise not to use it again.” 

“(Y/N)—” 

“I don’t care about my life,” You repeat. “But I care about yours.” His fingertips dig into the skin of your thighs. He wants you to take it back, but you won’t. “I can’t say that I won’t use everything in my power to protect you.” 

“I don’t need your protection,” He insists, and you smile softly at him. 

“I know, but you have it.” He’s your strength and your weakness, all rolled into one human being. You are pragmatic, and cunning, and thoughtful, but when it comes to Gojo Satoru, you would throw your life away in an instant if it meant saving his. 

Gojo rests his forehead against yours. Your noses brush against each other. “I’d tear the universe in two for you,” He says, and your heart stutters. You can hear the smirk in his voice as he continues, “I suppose we’ll just have to make sure the other doesn’t do anything too stupid.” 

You hum, playing with the ends of his hair. “I’d say I got the short end of that stick.”

[longing-for-rain]

This is unacceptable behavior

So this morning, I found this blog who has apparently taken it upon themselves to “call out” anyone they suspect of using AI in either fan art or fanfics. No proof needed; just send them an anon ask and they’ll start throwing people under the bus.

This person is harassing artists, writers, and anyone who questions them. They’re even demanding that artists upload videos of themselves drawing by hand to “prove” they’re real.

Reading their blog gets even more disturbing. Apparently “suspicious activity” for artists can be something as simple as experimenting with a different style, having trouble drawing hands, improving too quickly, uploading too quickly, or even using digital watercolor. So essentially, artists deserve harassment for being too good, not good enough, or if they don’t use 100% traditional techniques. Do you really think that’s helping artists? All you’re doing is intimidating people away from their hobbies and encouraging toxicity. Cut it out.

For context, yesterday @azula-brain messaged me in my DMs to accuse me of AI usage. I explained that a) I don’t consider my images “AI art” in the sense of “push a button and it makes a picture” because I only use it as a filter over my existing work, b) that I’ve posted detailed explanations of my artistic process before and that still didn’t stop people from harassing me over anon. She also accused me of charging people for art, which I very clear state in my pinned post that I do not accept commissions.

I’m committing a crime by not using fully traditional art, and by having a tip jar (keep in mind, many blogs simply use the built in tumblr feature which is easily understood to be for tipping bloggers they like, not art commission payments). I told her I suggest she simply block and move on if she was unhappy, but apparently that wasn’t good enough, so she called me out by name instead along with the above noted misinformation after I refused to bow to her threats over DMs.

But anyways, I’m done caving to threats, and so should the rest of you. Nothing you do will ever appease the mob, and I’m sick of these literal children making blogs like this thinking they’re saving the world, when literally they’re just stirring up drama and harassing random artists who were doing nothing wrong.

[maghamoon]

Reading a Birth Chart 101: The Complete Guide

(Part I): Intro to Intrigue

Glossary: Astrology websites, explanation of sun in all zodiac signs, moon in all zodiac signs, rising in all zodiac signs and also takeaways section. (LONG POST)

hey, this post is for any beginner who has gotten into astrology and reading their natal/birth chart. if you are reading this, you probably discovered astrology through tumblr, instagram, tiktok, youtube or any other platform (or maybe your friend told you about it) and have no idea where to begin. you go onto an astrology website, type in your birth info and you are met with something that looks like this:

(Natalie Portman’s Birth Chart)

as a beginner, you don’t know how to make sense of this. there’s lines everywhere and a bunch of symbols that you don’t understand. don’t worry, you don’t have to deal with this right now. right now, we will be focusing on the basics.

Astrology websites and their descriptions:

what we are going to do is go on every single astrology website that gives you a birth chart. i will link a few below. you will make a birth chart on every single one of these websites and throughly read the descriptions. some things will make sense, some won’t. i advice you to take everything these websites say with a grain of salt since these are auto-generated descriptions for one placement and don’t consider inter-planet relationships.

some websites i used to go to during my beginner stages:

cafeastrology (astro.cafeastrology.com)

astroseek (horoscopes.astro-seek.com)

astrodienst (astro.com)

……

you may wonder, why are we doing this?

one simple reason: intrigue. you won’t be able to master astrology if it doesn’t intrigue you. when you go through these descriptions, the aim is to achieve “oh my god, this is so me!” moments. by doing so you solidify your belief in the stars and acquire a hunger for knowing how to read people.

you go through these descriptions and feel very heard and understood, then we start building the foundations of a birth chart: the big 3.

The Sun, Moon and Rising:

also known as the big 3, the sun, moon and the rising. these are the most basic placements to learn during your reader journey.

1) the sun: the sun is probably the only sign you are familiar with. it is what you say when someone asks you: “what’s your zodiac sign?”

“oh, i was born on jan 1st. i’m a capricorn.”

it signifies your ego, self, identity and is solely just, you. the reason why mainstream astrology gets this wrong is because it stereotypes the sun and disregards any aspects* to it or the house* which it’s in.

(these will be explained in later lessons*)

the sun will be in either of the 12 zodiac signs. the zodiac signs go from aries-pisces. i urge you to remember the order of them whenever you can. it will prove to be helpful later on.

aries sun: your identity can be affiliated with your physical appearance and you place your ego around how you come across to other people. putting yourself first will be a theme in your life when you decide to go through self discovery, since you are a fire sign passion, aggression and drive will be key.

tarus sun: your identity is around your possessions, wealth, etc. self esteem will be a theme when it comes to self discovery, all things beautiful like art, music, any sort of leisure activity helps you feel more connected to you. you are an earth sign, so staying grounded, consistent and stable are key.

gemini sun: your identity is accordance to your wit, communication. siblings (or lack of) can play a role in why you are the way you are. thinking on your feet and quickly strengthens your relationship w/ your individuality. you are an air sign, so intellect and duality are key.

cancer sun: your identity is centered around your home, mother (or any other maternal figure in your life), connecting deeply with your inner psyche and emotions will help you realize your true self. you are a water sign, so familiarity and deep connection are key.

leo sun: your identity is centered around you, literally! being creative, working with kids or regaining your childlike self, understanding paternal figures, etc. help you connect with yourself. you are a fire sign, so confidence and feeling acknowledged/ appreciated are key.

virgo sun: your identity is centered around routine and details. some natives may find that staying chaste/ losing it changed their self identity. performance in work and quality of it changes relationship with self as well. you are an earth sign, so friendships and formalities are key.

libra sun: your identity is centered around fairness and beauty. relationships with others serve crucial ways to discover yourself. you are an air sign, so art and equality are key.

scorpio sun: your identity may be ever-transforming through lessons. having an overly-comical or strategically closed-off persona to hide your complexity is common. you are a water sign, revealing secrets and interest in the occult are key.

sagittarius sun: your identity may feel like it’s something that is distant, natives feel like they need to “know” (philosophies, religion, etc.) to feel closer to themselves. you are a fire sign, so desire and passion are key.

capricorn sun: natives will attain self-realization at a later age. curating / having control over their public image, or their work is a consistent theme. you are an earth sign, so taking initiative and loyalty are key.

aquarius sun: going through some sort of intellectual debacle to understand oneself, friends are a common theme. wanting change and community. you are an air sign, so revolutionary ideas and technology are key.

pisces sun: feeling like your basing your self around how other people perceive you/ feeding to their ideals. going through a period of disillusionment will help you understand your ego. you are a water sign, so spirituality and empathy are key.

2) the moon: the moon signifies your emotions and how you deal with them. it can also show how your childhood was + represents your mother/ any other maternal figure growing up.

aries moon: emotional changes can be seen at face value, they are also a source of motivation and drive. mother/home life is passionate and challenging.

taurus moon: beauty and food are used to regulate oneself from negative emotions. mother/home life is stubborn, affects your self-esteem and relationship with money.

gemini moon: emotions are seen from dual perspective, thereby being prone to intellectualizing. siblings can be a significant part of home life. short-distance travel, changing homes is common.

cancer moon: emotions are bottled up and kept deep within the crevices of the native. the emotional intensity of mother/home causes native to keep their own feelings to theirselves.

leo moon: creativity and humor is a common way to express emotions. the child was the star of the home. mother is popular amongst family.

virgo moon: emotions are better expressed written. mother was involved in her work. routine keeps emotions regulated.

libra moon: when close relationships are in turmoil, native’s mood is affected. needing fairness and balance.

scorpio moon: relationship with mother transformed which caused secrecy in the native regarding emotions. intense home life.

sagittarius moon: weird relationship with emotions, as if they are foreign or in a distant land. expressing emotions through “bigger” ideas like philosophy or theology, but failing to express them through simple writing.

capricorn moon: mother/home life made the native disciplined. emotions are strained, vulnerability comes with a later age.

aquarius moon: native feels safer expressing emotions on the internet or through any forms of technology. sudden changes in emotions, political ideas or change fuel emotions.

pisces moon: native is able to understand everyone’s emotions except it’s own. prone to running after any sort of esoteric, escapist experience.

the rising: also known as the ascendant or the first house, it shows how we like to present ourselves, the course/ journey of your life. some astrologers like to discuss superficial self vs shadow self with the ascendant (1st house) and descendant (7th house). we will get into that in later chapters.

aries rising: people are surprised by their understanding and willingness to compromise. have a taste for aesthetics and things that look good.

taurus rising: these people have a certain knack of art and pleasantries. the neck is always highlighted. very troubled once you get to know them, relationships transform their sense of self.

gemini rising: small-looking individuals with bright eyes. interested in meeting new people to discuss new ideas. interested in travel, siblings can be discussed a lot when they first meet u.

cancer rising: moon-like faces that are on the bigger side. looks more like the mother. people are surprised by their discipline.

leo rising: these people always have distinct hair! can look more like the father, or have that same loud laughter. creative individuals.

virgo rising: intelligent energy but in a careful manner rather than a chaotic one. secret need for the spotlight/ being admired for their hard work.

libra rising: pleasant smiles, cordial faces. perfectionists when it comes to appearances.

scorpio rising: intense when it comes to first impressions, longing for balance and cooperation but being a little awkward, prone to self-rejection.

sagittarius rising: witty jokes and philosophical questions, powered by the darkness of their psyche and revolutions of their mind.

capricorn rising: they have a weird relationship with their self esteem, feeling detached. prone to getting moody and emotional once you get to know them. may look more like the father.

aquarius rising: friendly energy with eccentric ideas. need to be admired in their relationships, they have this creative and generous side to them that isn’t seen at first.

pisces rising: ever-changing personality when meeting new people, but don’t think of it like a transformation- it’s more like waves of water that fit into any vessel. passion for understanding human psyche, prone to anger or getting defensive when it comes to being fully intimate / authentic.

Takeaways + To-do’s:

okay, we have gone over websites and chart-making, we went over the 12 zodiac signs and the big 3- the sun, moon and rising in all the signs.

while you were reading your chart, you must have seen way more things- houses, aspects, etc. these things help you have a clearer understanding of the birth chart.

when the explanation of a planet doesn’t apply, don’t worry. today we only described the energies of the sun, moon and rising. the house it is in, the degree and also aspects to the placement channel the energy of your big 3 or cancel it out.

nevertheless, you now have an understanding of some basic principles of birth charts, so congrats!

—> using intrigue to further your understanding:

reader, it’s not feasible to memorize the meanings behind all these placements. instead, try to involve them in your daily life. ask a friend their birth time, look up their chart, then tell them the explanations of their big 3. you can even look up celebrity charts to see how their big 3 plays a role in their lives. this will help you gain an understanding of the signs (and memorize them) without feeling like you’re forced to “study.”

i will meet you again soon, where you will be able to understand elements, inner and outer planets, how each zodiac sign’s energy affects a planet and you will be introduced to the 12 houses!

good luck on your astrologer journey, i hope this makes things a little less complicated. 🤍

[btstulip]

Wait, what did I just watch?!

When I first became interested in BTS, it was because my Facebook algorithms thought I might be interested in them and kept showing me fun videos. They were not wrong and I got sucked into watching BTS more and more.

As you can imagine, I quickly started getting fed videos of popular ships... mostly Taekook. Being new to BTS (and K-Pop and "ships" for that matter), there were definitely moments that I could admit looked like the actions you might see between romantic partners and it did get me wondering if any of the BTS members might actually be together. But I also knew close friends could sometimes look like a couple to people that don't understand their relationship. I have friends I kiss and cuddle with, but never once did I plan to date them. Add to the fact that I originally assumed some of this was just fanservice, something I no longer believe after much research here on Tumblr convinced me that BTS doesn't participate in traditional fanservice after their early debut stage. I knew it would take a lot to convince me any relationship was more than that of two very close people that cared about each other very much.

So I watched these Taekook and other videos with a lot of skepticism. I dismissed many of these videos right away as just playful people that enjoyed skinship with someone they were close to. But a couple caused me to find longer clips to check context. Most of these looked like nothing when played at full speed, uncut/edited, or with conversation context. And the more I watched of BTS, the more I could see how close and unique each of their relationships were. I loved how much they cared for each other and I wasn't invested in any of these guys having more than the close family relationship I could see they all shared. Still, I was curious if there was something all these fans knew about Tae and Jungkook that I didn't, so I kept looking.

I should add here that I was only days in to my BTS obsession research at this point. I had lost more sleep than I want to admit watching "one more video" for hours at a time desperately trying to answer the next burning curiosity, but still, I had only just started learning about the members of BTS. At this point, I absolutely believe all the BTS members care deeply for each other. They are family and have a bond I don't think any of us can really understand. These are 7 individuals that each share a unique bond with each other and as a whole. I don't think any relationship "competes" with another and each should be honored.

Though I wasn't expecting to be convinced that any of these members were actually dating, my desire to put context to these cute clips I kept seeing made me want to understand their relationships more... especially Tae and Jungkook because my video feed was FULL of these! I often found tumblr posts explaining the moments/relationships that gave me clues and insights about the members that I didn't have yet. The arguments I read for Taekook seemed possible, but I was sure there were similarly convincing arguments for all the ships. So I decided that I had to research the other ships to either prove or disprove that Tae and Jungkook actually had something extra.

I decided to start looking into Jimin and Jungkook. At the time, I just picked that "ship" first. But I am sure it was because I had already noticed how close those two are. Most of the stuff I dismissed, especially anything on stage. But I kept reading and watching "evidence", rinse and repeat. Definitely cute moments, eyebrow raising moments, some super questionable stuff on stage (2018 I am looking at you!), but I saw that stuff with Taekook too. I saw GCF Tokyo mentioned several times, how Jimin and Jungkook went to Tokyo together and Jungkook made a music video. And somehow this was amazing "proof", so I decided I should look that up.

The skeptic I am, I started watching and saw two guys that are very close, on a trip together, having fun. Lyrics talking about being there for each other. So cute! They are so close and this shows how much Jimin's friendship means to Jungkook. I loved it, but I could not understand how this was the ultimate proof everyone accepted. And then, 3 minutes in, when the video was almost over and I had basically decided it was about a beautiful bromance, it happened...

Boy, I'm holdin' onto something Won't let go of you for nothing I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

Eyebrows raises, well that is definitely romantic. And then, seconds later, my brain broke...

There was a time that I was so blue What I got to do to show you? I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

My jaw was on the floor. What did I just watch?!? That wasn't "proof", that was PROOF! There was no way to spin that other than a full on love confession. Did he actually do that? I can't believe any member of a K-pop group would do something so loud that is almost impossible to take any other way, unless you cover both eye and plug your ears!

I needed confirmation. More context. I read blogs all about GCG Tokyo and they delivered. Jikook fans gave me even more details, things I didn't understand because I was a BTS newborn (still a baby, maybe toddler, but growing quickly). Solo trip together on personal time, big deal. Jungkook recorded and edited the video, releasing it only a week later. Wow. Jungkook is a perfectionist that cares about his art and chose the song for a reason. Check. The song is by an openly gay artist? Why are we still discussing this?!

Still, I wanted an outside perspective. One not looking for this video to confirm anything with little context. So I made my sister watch it. Told her it was these two guys went on a trip together and one recorded and made this video. What did she think? "It's a love confession." Two of my kids also agreed... the third is a teenage boy that is horrified that his mom is obsessed spending all her time watching BTS and he refused to see it as anything other than someone saying "you need to be there for me too".

I suppose it's possible this was just about friendship. I suppose I could be wrong. I'm not Jungkook and unless he tells us, I will never know. But unless Jungkook denies it directly, you CAN NOT make me believe that video was anything other than one person telling another that they love them.

Sorry this post is SO LONG! I didn't expect it to be this long, but it was super fun. Thanks for sticking around and reading my TMI. <3

[ardenation]

THOUGHTS ON (some of) SWEET TOOTH SEASON 3

Just my rambles. Also I only remembered sweet tooth existed 2 days before the third season came out so I quickly re-watched season 2 and then season 3 right after AND WHEN I TELL YOU I HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS SHOW.

spoilers under the cut

Okay, I can't remember which order the episodes are so I'm winging it here and just word vomiting. in my defense my best friend is away camping and I have nobody to yap about this to so tumblr gets it instead.

The first thing I can remember is that whole thing with the bat kid. OH MY GOD. that poor kid man. it's so awful how his parents raised him to believe that what he was was unfit for society, below humans, and not natural. no kid should have to grow up like that. I don't completely blame the parents, but there were some very, very bad decisions made. and the fucking scene where the dad tries to cut off the baby's hybrid traits??? I got SO reminded of when Gus' antler was cut off. baby boy was mutilated. but the difference between the scene with the baby and gus was that nobody was there to stop it from happening. nobody was there to wrangle the saw out of that guy's hands. bruh. tears. I fucking hate it here.

also live laugh love Rani <33

uhh I dunno what comes after that so let's jump to the boat episode! *laughs nervously*

That. freaking. episode. broke me. I didn't even want to keep watching after that (lie) because it was just so incredibly awful. just when they walked onto that boat for the first time and It was dead silent? goosebumps. especially after finding that dead body. by the way, this is when I started to dislike Dr. singh. bro fell way off after Rani left. anyway, I did not trust Darwin AT ALL when he was introduced. I thought he was shady as all hell. Glad I was proved wrong in the end, though. not important. let's talk about those dead bodies and what Gus had to do because that is a whole rodeo.

I admit, when I first heard he was going to have to find and toss dead bodies overboard my first thought was 'FUCK yes trauma angst trauma angst trauma angst' because what can I say, it's how my brain works. it started off pretty chill, the deer boy doing some nice yardwork and tossing the flowers overboard. okay. this is fine. oh, shit, now he's found dead bodies. oh my god he's crying. oh my god i'm crying. MY BABY. MY BABY BOY, WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO YOU?! anyway that was probably the most fucked up thing I have ever watched in my life. kill me. kill me- and the fact that he kept all the people's little things as ways to remember them? what the fuck. what the hell netflix. why would you do this. he's just a little kid. I'm going to kill someone. ALSO I fucking KNEW Darwin was going to get sick. I was watching it with my little sister, and when he popped up I went 'bet you Gus is gonna look away and darwin's finger is gonna start twitching' then BOOM. also, that makes it so much worse. at this point I was like, how many more people is this poor kid going to to lose? WHY IS HE SO TRAUMATIZED???

hahaha. boy oh boy.

side note, why was Siana and Birdie actually so cute? I would've loved for their relationship to be explored more before... yk. and Nuka?? my baby. my darling. she means everything, actually.

wait what happens next?? idk

episode 7 time! or at least the end of it.

first of all, FUCK YOU DR. SINGH. I LIKED YOU AT THE START BUT NOW?.ALL THIS DESTINY BULLSHIT 'it's my destiny to kill gus' BRO YOU JUST SAID YOUR DESTINY IS TO MURDER AN INNOCENT CHILD?? WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR BRAIN. THIS IS WHY RANI LEFT. and when Adi was getting closer and closer to stab Gus, when he was screaming and kicking, I was actually going to vomit and cry. what the actual fuck. why is this show so incredibly messed up. it's not even funny. this is the most disturbing shit I have seen in a while which is saying a lot. the sheer horror of the things in this show once you start to think about it is insane. anyway before that whole thing I genuinely thought 'hm I think that blood on Adi's knife in the vision thing is actually big man's blood because he probably protected gus' and I was half right? I was not expecting Birdie to be killed AT ALL. It totally took me by surprise. once again, this show is so horrifying and sad. Gus crying over Birdie. i'm going to die. he's an orphan. why is this stupid world so mean to this kid?? he's turning into fucking Peter Parker for god's sake! I really, really thought big man was going to die in that cave. and imagine if he did? Gus would've lost both his parents AND his father figure in just a few months. I would've lost my mind. anyway. birdie's dead. jesus fucking christ. WHY. JUST WHY. NETFLIX, STOP HURTING MY BOY.

Alright, let's see if I can remember literally anything that happens in episode 8.

It was such an emotional rollercoaster fr. I felt like I was getting emotional whiplash every five seconds. he's gonna die! wait, he's gonna live! now this guy is actually gonna murder Gus! wait, now this guy turned good and saved him! holy shit, everybody is going to die- holy shit EVERYBODY IS DEAD! wait, Gus cut himself to bleed on a tree and now they're alive! oh my god, Gus finally snapped! wait, now his dead dad is popping up and convincing him to save people again! OH MY GOD BECKY IS DEAD! WAIT OH MY GOD SHE'S ALIVE! (I think that one was the worst) NO is big man going to die on that mountain?? oh good he's not! omg jordan actually died in the crash!

....there was no resolution to that one. good riddance. sorry Jordan fans.

and then we had the whole reveal of Gus being the narrator the whole time- how tf did I not predict that?? Also, am I the only one who doesn't like stuff that does those huge timeskips where it shows the main characters when they're old. is it just me who doesn't like it. okay i'll go

let's talk about Gus and Wendy for a second. honestly, throughout the whole of season 2 and three there was a little nagging voice in my head saying 'it's a boy and a girl interacting.... you know they're going to end up together' and I would tell my head 'stfu, I wouldn't really like that because there are no good girl boy friendships in any media ever that's completely platonic (mostly, anyway)'. I was hoping SO SO badly Wendy and Gus would stay platonic besties forever, simply because it's cute and stuff like that barely happens. praying to GOD. but I knew deep down it was hopeless from the start. I don't like when media does that. 'oh, look! it's a boy and a girl of the same age meeting as kids! OBVIOUSLY the only possible route to go from here is romance, RIGHT?' I mean i'm biased as a gay enby chronically online person who thinks these stereotypes are shit but it's true. don't get me wrong. I love wendy. I love her so, so so much. but just- WHY?! I was at least hoping it would be somebody we didn't know or something. oh well.

i mean, I guess they only held hands a few times and sat together as old people, so maybe there's a tiny little chance it wasn't romantic? but they also had grandkids. yk what fuck canon. they're old besties. I think they'd be cute either way but I just prefer them friends.

SO. the sweet tooth fanfic community. it's admittedly nonexistent. I went to check the tag earlier and like- what?? it's ALL weird shit. there was like three good ones but just like why Is that all of what's in our fandom?? guys, we have not done well.

I call upon all ao3 authors and encourage them write sweet tooth (if you want to). It doesn't even matter if it's a short fluffy or angst drabble, we just need to wash the weird shit out. go ahead and post that 200 word interaction you wrote between big man and Gus in the aftermath. we need more good fic in this fandom, DESPERATELY.

and why did the writers put Gus through so much. like his dad dies, he's captured, traumatized, mutilated, shot in the leg, shot in the back, traumatizedx100 on the boat, watches his mom get murdered to protect him, has his father figure almost die multiple times, has a scientist try to kill him with a knife while holding him down multiple times, fucking snaps, and idek. WHYYYYYY. WHAT DID HE EVEN DO TO DESERVE THIS?? WHAT DID ANYBODY DO IN THIS SHOW TO DESERVE ALL THAT HAPPENED TO THEM?????? man....

I think that's all that's in my brain? this wasn't really a review just me spitting words.

moral of the story, I have adopted Gus and that is that. if you managed to get through all this you have a longer attention span than everybody I know combined when they try to listen to me ramble so congrats lmao

and I know I only brought up a few things but don't even get me started on Zhang, Rosie, and her kids because I will not shut up. and Jordan. Jordan why did you do that. and Munaq, that poor guy. ANYWAY I gotta stop talking now cuz it's 9:45pm byeee

[philtstone]

title: so here we are again

Summary: In the aftermath of each time Shawn fails her, Juliet thinks hard about what she needs most in life.

how long have you all known me? the kidfic was inevitable. the m rating a little bit less so, but we're broadening our horizons here at philtstone dot tumblr dot com. shoutout to @firstelevens for inspiring the title for this WIP doc and for helping me think of an appropriately nicknamable baby name. as always zainab ur a real one i had the idea at one am a month ago and it quickly spiralled out of control. writing it was a bit outside my comfort zone for many reasons, and i am a bit nervous posting it, but i have a huge soft spot for the last scene in particular and i really hope yall like it too.

Excerpt:

Standing by the bougainvillea bush, Juliet realizes something kind of annoying: her hands are still shaking.

Lassiter gives her the weirdest look possible after they finish it all up. More specifically, his expression takes on all the qualities of a constipated squirrel, and he hovers at the door to his car without getting in for like, three beats too long. It occurs to Juliet – belatedly, because she’s still kind of reeling from the whole “got a literal axe swung at my head fifteen minutes ago” thing – that he’s worried about her. 

It’s kind of sweet. 

“So,” he says awkwardly. “You’ll, uh … you’ll be – uh, yes. Right?”

“Right,” Juliet agrees, only twenty percent out of pity.

Shawn and Gus left about an hour ago bickering over what pancake place they were hitting up and Alice Bundy has long since been driven away in the back of a cruiser. She and Carlton are the last two people left. She stands at the curb for a few minutes staring into space after his car peels away. The giant abandoned mental health asylum behind her is marginally less scary when she’s not inside, and she’s not actually looking at the thing, and there’s that bougainvillea bush right beside her wafting pleasant smells over her head. Juliet’s always been a perfume girl. She’s been a girly-girl, point blank, which has proven frustrating to manage against the onslaught of clueless male sensibilities surrounding her at all times – she does want to be taken seriously, after all – so in a weird and somewhat pathetic way, Mary Lou’s headbands and handbags were a nice little reprieve. She got to be sort-of-herself without the baggage and the constant need to prove something. Her only real complaint was the degree of uptalk required to pull the whole thing off.

Also, near-death. By axe. Hm.

Her phone rings. Juliet startles more violently than she should at the sudden sound, then feels her eyebrows go up in surprise: Shawn’s ID is flashing in the little green screen at the top. A part of her wonders if something is wrong. Another part of her – a bigger part of her – fills with an odd sense of relief. She flips the phone open.  

“Hello?”

“Picture this: you are on the most platonic, least sexy date of your life, and you are trying to subsequently match the mood. If you had to pick between AC/DC’s Thunderstruck or the Southern Culture on the Skids Classic Camel Walk, which one would you choose?”

Juliet stares at the bougainvillea bush, her mouth a little bit open. 

“Shawn,” she says. “It’s past midnight.”

READ THE REST ON AO3

[butch-reidentified]

I notice a lot of radfems claiming that trans community is a cult now that I'm in gender critical spaces and I guess I can see why because they silence dissenting opinions and keep engaging in their homophobia, ignorance of sex based oppressions, supporting problematic people and etc. When I was in the trans community, they say that radfems are a cult. I don't know why that is though. Do you know why they say that radfems are a cult? I just think radfems don't want trans people to promote misogyny, homophobia and whatever bigotries they keep spouting

I've seen that once or twice when I was in trans spaces too. It doesn't make sense to me either, but I can't say I'm surprised since every single other thing they believe about radical feminism is also laughably inaccurate.

Looking at these images, and going through each point in context of radical feminism vs transactivism, there's a lot that's interesting. Where we encourage critical thinking, doubt, questioning, and dissent, TRAs actively discourage and punish it. They no longer even tolerate trans people who disagree on very minor matters - I remember when it was generally agreed upon in trans spaces that dysphoria was a defining aspect of being trans & everyone made fun of "tumblr genders." Now, the "truscum," "transmed," and old-school transsexual types are also called transphobic bigots and told they aren't welcome.

We have no involvement or desire to interfere in other radfems' family or personal lives; transactivism often encourages people to cut off family members for minor infractions like questioning anything about the person's transition or identity, not adjusting quickly enough to new pronouns/name, and the like. TRAs have often claimed parents who do any of those things are transphobic and abusive. TRA culture also frequently encourages trans people to socially engage primarily with other trans people (but only the ones who share their views!), date other trans people, live with like 7 other trans roommates, etc. Most trans people I knew who subscribed to the full gender ideology package rented a place with 2 or 3 other genderist roommates. They also discourage relationships of any kind, including friendship, with anyone who doesn't fully share the genderist perspective.

TRAs certainly view "any outside criticism as proof of persecution." I don't know any radfems who have an issue with criticism of radical feminism (that isn't straight up misogyny ofc). "Outsiders who question the group are hostile enemies or inherently evil" is transactivism to a fucking T. Radfems don't claim anyone is inherently evil, and idk any radfem who thinks that outsiders who question or disagree with radical feminism are hostile enemies. I doubt many even feel that way about TRAs; we just don't tolerate misogyny. I don't think they're inherently evil or anything lmao. In fact, most radfems I've known actually have a lot of empathy for people who struggle with dysphoria, gender nonconformity, mental health issues, etc.

"The leader's transgressions are explained away or ignored." In many of these quotes, if you swap "the leader" for "trans women" or male nonbinaries, you'll notice it's pretty dead on. Eli Erlick for example, or Sophie Labelle, and so many more. They will defend a serial rapist transwoman over a gender critical MTF transsexual any day, and that's pretty culty behavior to me - not to mention it proves that this isn't about literally being trans, but about the ideology. Though they will usually take a trans woman's side in any situation, if the trans woman does not subscribe to gender ideology, they'll demonize and attack instead. In rad spaces on the other hand, I see women consistently held accountable when they do something wrong, and if it's a serious moral transgression, they'll be kicked out of the space no matter how popular or influential they were.

"Unquestioning commitment" to the ideology and "practices are the binding truth and law" (insert binding joke here). Extreme "polarized us vs them mentality" and "black-and-white views and right-or-wrong thinking with no gray areas." All of this is accurate of transactivism. I have not experienced or witnessed this type of thinking in rad spaces.

"Leaders use deception both to the public and to its own members." I mean the entire ideology is based on deception and denial of reality. Gaslighting is fundamental to convincing people that sex isn't real/can be changed, that sexual orientation is based on attraction to people's invisible internal identities and is inherently fluid and has nothing at all to do with sex or really any physical traits, that women/girls are oppressed because they identify as female or because patriarchy hates femininity (I've seen them claim "masc privilege" is a thing and butch lesbians benefit from it wayyy too many times) - or that women & girls are not oppressed at all. Flaunting that you've had sex with someone without disclosing that you're trans (aka deception) is fairly common in some of the more extreme genderist spaces as well. I'm not sure how this could possibly apply to radical feminism. We are generally pretty committed to accuracy and reality, and deception is not in line with those values at all.

"Members are discouraged from getting information from non-group sources." This one actually lowkey gave me chills bc it's really true. We all know they don't understand what radfems actually believe, they have block lists and block radfems/gender critical people on sight, even in the absence of any negative interaction. A whole lot, if not most, of the statistics and data they like to cite are from their own organizations, or even from information someone spread on social media years and years ago and everyone just doesn't question its authenticity or origins. "Non-group sources are held to be liars with sinister motives." That's practically word for word how they react to statistics, info, etc., from non-trans organizations. And gender critical people certainly know how often they call us liars and insist we want trans people dead. These especially don't apply to radical feminism. We encourage engaging with all kinds of people and content, and we don't rely on or use data/information from other radfems or radfem organizations much at all.

Now, regarding the point about special vocabulary/shorthand/buzzwords. Both TRAs and radfems use such things. However, radfems do not use them to "substitute for rational analysis." But a mantra like TWAW is exactly that. Even "TERF" and "transphobic" are thrown around extremely quickly and easily, in situations where they often don't really apply, and the intention underlying that is putting an end to any doubt/questioning going on, shutting it down by claiming bigotry.

Using "shame, guilt, and/or fear to influence and control members" absolutely doesn't happen in radfem spaces. Not that I've ever seen or heard about. It was definitely something I experienced a lot of in trans spaces, though.

I don't have the energy to do any more of these breakdowns of the points, sorry. But you get the idea. Additionally, TRAs tend to make it their entire identity and lifestyle. It's all-consuming. Not to mention there's no such thing as wrongthink in radical feminism like there is with genderism. I don't constantly monitor and police my own thoughts and feelings for "problematic" ones like I did when I was involved in all that gender stuff. Plus, they actively seek to recruit people, especially young, mentally ill, traumatized, and/or otherwise vulnerable people. Radical feminism doesn't really recruit at all; women and girls tend to find it themselves most times.

I hope this more or less answers your question

[whumpshaped]

if that’s okay i‘d love to get a continuation to this, where the caretaker maybe realises something is wrong? and they can have a talk with the whumpee about it? or some comfort and recovery for the whumpee?

because tumblr won’t let me link stuff on anon, here’s the link: https://www.tumblr.com/whumpshaped/734392975865626624/hello-would-you-write-a-conditionated-whumpee-in

prev

tw perceived noncon drugging, emeto mention, past trauma, past noncon drugging, conditioned response

Breakfast was uncomfortable and awkward. Caretaker kept trying to say something, only to close their mouth again without a word.

“Are you alright?” they eventually asked, and Whumpee stiffly nodded. “I… I thought I heard you throw up yesterday.”

“That’s odd,” they said curtly.

“You… didn’t?”

“No.”

Caretaker kept poking at their scrambled eggs, biting their lower lip like they were trying to punish themself for speaking up in the first place. And yet, they couldn’t help it.

“If the food is bad…”

“It’s not.”

Whumpee took a big bite of their breakfast sandwich to prove it, and Caretaker sighed.

“Look, I– I get that it can be embarrassing… I just wanna know what’s going on. I can help you if you’re sick.”

“I’m fine.”

Caretaker averted their eyes, going back to pushing pieces of egg around. Whumpee couldn’t stand how troubled and heartbroken they looked.

“Did you put something in my food yesterday?” they blurted out. “At dinner? Or was it the drink?”

“Huh?” Caretaker’s eyes snapped up to meet theirs, full of confusion and concern. “So it was the food. Was the taste off? Mine tasted fine, I didn’t realise–”

“I said, did you put something in my food yesterday?” they repeated, more emphatic this time. Demanding, almost. They had a special distaste for people dancing around their questions ever since they’d met Whumper.

“No,” Caretaker said immediately, still baffled. “I’d never. Do you think I’d do that?”

“Well, I don’t know. I didn’t think so, but then you gave me that, that phrase, and then left me alone in the dark–”

“What phrase?”

“You know the phrase!”

Caretaker shook their head slightly, so utterly puzzled that for the first time, Whumpee considered the possibility that they didn’t actually know. “I can avoid it next time if you tell me,” they offered.

“It’s ‘good night’!” Well. That sounded dumber than intended. “When, when it’s said– said like that, I– Whumper kept saying that! They kept saying it whenever they knew I was about to pass out! They kept saying it after drugging me! They’d have these pills, and they’d–”

“Hey, hey, Whumpee…” Caretaker cut in, making them realise they were getting carried away. “It’s okay. I’m not gonna say it again. And I’m definitely not putting anything in your food.”

Whumpee sniffled, trying to avoid a full-blown breakdown as much as possible. “Great,” they forced out. Caretaker gave them a tentative smile.

“No other concerns?” Whumpee shook their head, quickly going back to their breakfast so they wouldn’t have to keep looking at Caretaker. “Alright, then.”

Truthfully… their sandwich was looking a lot safer and tastier now than they’d gotten that off their chest.

[anemonelovesfiction]

I Believe I Am Crazy

Neytiri x Human! Male Reader

MDNI- Ageless blogs and minors will be blocked

Warnings ⚠️: Mature Themes! Fingering (male receiving), Jerking off, handjob, chocking, Neytiri self pleasure near the end.

I’m sure there are some men out there who feel left out from the xreader things since its mostly AFAB reader (not that there is anything wrong with that) but I figured you guys would want something for yourselves! Here that is!

-This is my first posted fic on tumblr so I’m sorry if its weird or you guys hate it but please be nice I’m super sensitive🥲

Neytiri was the one woman I’d thought hated me the most. I’d learned as much as the next guy and have nearly perfected my Na’Vi, but was still actively learning their customs. Throughout the entire time I’d spent learning the way of the Omaticaya, I’d spent more days with the future Tsahik than I can count. I’d been respectful, of course, but her silence, few words, and lingering side eyes told me everything I needed to know about how she felt toward me.

I’d been cautious around her and learned to not speak or find conversation with her as she would mostly ignore me, but it was impossible to ignore her lingering stares after coming back from a long hunting session. I’d taken the biggest beast back to the village without taking credit for it, instead, I let one of the younger teenagers from the clan take the honors.

Although I’m sure the hunting party I’d gone with was more loose lipped than I imagined, I just wanted To’ite to make the girl he liked swoon over him.

“I’m thankful for you, Y/n.” To’ite places hisuch larger hand on my human chest. “The others were wrong about your abilities. You continue to surprise us even while hunting in your human body.”

“I’m just glad I could prove ‘em wrong.” I laugh a littleC finally tearing my eyes away from the woman across the- room?

“I owe you.” He smiles.

“Name your kid after me?” I tease.

“Hell no.” He responds with a laugh as he heads off.

“I was starting to wonder if To’ite had been the most successful of the hunt.” Neytiri suddenly spoke behind me and I’d be lying if the hairs on my body weren’t standing at attention.

“I just wanted him to impress the girl he likes.” I admitted.

“Then you are considerate.” She talks and I’m beyond shocked. “What?” She asks.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude but- this is the longest conversation we’ve had since I came here.”

I admit.

“Hmm.” She seems to state in agreement and the people by the fire start singing a song thanking Eywa for a bountiful hunt.

“I would like you to come with me.” She states before we could go back to doing our separate things and it catches me off guard.

I follow blindly behind her as I honestly was unsure as to what she had to say or show me. I had been curious and she was a fast walker. We reach the middle of a clearing with bioluminescent plants giving off a beautifully dim glow that illuminated much of what surrounded us.

“This is usually the part where the serial killer strikes.” I joke but when she turns her face shows confusion.

“Just a little Earth humor,” I explain quickly and she nods her head.

“Why are we here?” I asked and my brow raises but I stand upright with my arms crossed, waiting for her to tell me why she’d brought me here.

She only smiles and sits, patting the spot next to her as if silently asking me to join, I do so hoping she could tell me if I was going to get killed or not.

“I believe I am crazy, Y/n.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked while looking up at her, she was focusing her gaze toward the stars and she smiles, this is the only time I’d seen her stare not look condescending.

“Because.” She states.

“Uh-huh?” I urge her to continue and she turns to look at me, I’ve seen that look before, not on her but on other women, when they look at their mates. She doesn’t speak, she doesn’t need to, I understand.

“I see.” I respond “I think I’m crazy too.” I admit and meet her gaze and she smiles lightly.

I’m not sure how I ended up in her lap or even how she managed to take my loincloth on- I liked to keep one in my human size for when my avatar was being checked on by the medical team.

“F-fuck.” I cuss as she gingerly slides her fingers up and down my shaft.

“It is smooth.” Neytiri hums from behind me while slowing down her movements. I’m sure she did so to inspect my appendage but she was killing me right now.

“You tease.” I placed my hands on her thighs and try to push against her and feel the friction from before

“I see-“ She states and starts rubbing at a faster pace and settles my hips back down toward her lap with her other hand.

“S’good,” I groaned while throwing my head back onto her chest but closing my eyes to enjoy the feeling. I could feel her other hand rubbing my thigh gently and reaching to cup my balls and I moaned.

“Fuck, ‘Tiri-“ I sucked in a breath and she lets out a little laugh but continues her ministrations without ceasing.

She takes her time tracing my balls and gently stroking them as one while also sliding her hand gently, she was giving the head some extra attention and would often whip her wrist to twist her hand at the top and my thigh started shaking.

“You are enjoying this a lot,” theres a hint of a tease in her words, almost as if she was laughing, but she gasps when I gasp at the sensation of the hand that once held my balls had slid down and the tip of the finger had entered my ass.

“N-Neytiri,” I groan as she ever so slightly pushes the tip of her finger in and out, still jacking me off.

“Your fingers are b-big, fff-fuh-fuck-“ I moan and start trying to bounce on it but it was hard doing that whilst on her lap.

“Do you need me to go deeper?” She teases and twists her hand around the tip and I whimper. She coo’s while whispering how much of a great job I’m doing and I’m feeling the pit of my stomach tightly coiling.

“Please-“ I gasp as she does so, inserting a second finger in the process.

The Na’Vi are human in appearance, give or take a few features, and the female are often smaller than the males in size and height, but although they are, Neytiri’s fingers still feel incredibly big inside me.

“Fuck me, please!” I whimper as she hit’s my prostate and it felt like a tiny jolt of electricity going through my body, I could feel myself stiffen a bit and instantly relaxing at the feeling while remaining still to ensure she continue’s hitting that spot.

“Found it.” I can tell she’s smiling, the way her voice sounds, it’s giving it away.

“Please, please-“ I grunt and I sound animalistic while gritting my teeth and focusing in the pleasure she was giving me at the moment. How she knew what a prostate was or how she knew where to find it was beyond me, all I can focus on was the toe curling sensation she was giving me.

“Are you close?” She asks and I nod and grunt at the same time.

“Good.” She states simply and lets go of my cock.

“Ugh-“ I whine as her hand immediately reaches over to my neck and she squeezes the sides.

“I heard humans like this part a lot,” She continues thrusting her thick fingers in my ass and I’m also feeling twice as aroused from her sudden squeeze alongside my neck.

“Is this true?” She asks and slows down her thrusting.

“Yes, yes, please don't stop!” I try to slide on her fingers to get her to go faster but she chuckles a bit.

“Do you need some help?” She teases while slowly squeezing my neck.

“I need to cum, please,” I beg.

“You can,” She speeds her fingers to go faster than she was before, my cock was standing at attention, and I could feel the coil tighten even more.

“When I say you can.” She slows down again and I choke on nothing as she chuckles behind me.

“Please I can’t hold it for much longer-“ I try putting my focus on something else but it’s hard to when all I want to do is cum.

“Then I give you permission to cum.” She slows down her fingers even more. “But I want to see your face as you do.” She turns me around and lays be down before shoving three of her fingers inside.

The stretch is wonderful and I feel full on her fingers alone. I can feel her thrusting even faster than before and all I can think of was thanking Eywa for whatever scientist made sure these masks didn’t fog up with exertion. I could see her beautiful face staring at mine as she bites her lip and her other hand is moving as well. I look down and see she’s moved her loincloth to the side and was rubbing her own clit.

“Oh fuck, thats hot,” I mutter and she smiles while still biting her lip and focuses back on thrusting into my ass.

“Cum, Y/n, cum.” She grunts.

Looking back down I can see her pussy fluttering over nothing as some wet liquid comes out, and that does it for me.

Cum shoots out of my cock in pulses as she continues rubbing my prostate but her movements slow significantly and she stops when my penis goes limp. She smiles and slowly pulls her fingers out one by one while making sure she doesn’t hurt me. It warms my heart that she’s moving so gently and I sit up. She looks a little shy but I whip my mask off and her eyes widen as I walk toward her. Before she has the chance to say anything I grab her face and kiss her gently, once I come up for air I place the mask back on and she blushes.

“Thank you, for being crazy. It justifies my crazy too.” I gently place my hand in her cheek and she chuckles.

“Get dressed, Y/n, we need to go meet with the others.”

“I don’t think anyone will miss us if we decide to stay out here a little longer.” I tease and she rolls her eyes while fidgeting with her loincloth.

“I don’t think you’ll be needing that on any time soon.” I gently placed my hand on hers to stop her.

“But I already came-“

“Yes, but my wonderful woman, there is a think on earth we call multiple orgasms. And I want to see of I can give you another one on my own.”

“Multiple?” She asks and I nod.

“Show me.” She states and I smile.

“Take your clothes off,” I smirk and she unties her loincloth once more.

[lets-try-some-writing]

SOBBING VIOLENTLY, I’VE SPENT ALL DAY READING YOUR ‘BROKEN RECORD’ STORY AND I’M ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED.

It wasn’t a satisfying ending. But in no way do I mean that in a bad way. It wasn’t satisfying. What would have been satisfying is if after all that time, Smokescreen finally got to win. Just once.

But we didn’t get that. There was only one ending. That was what we were told at the beginning, and that is how it ended. There was only one choice. The best choice was the only. Choice. I love that. It’s bitter, and frustrating, but with how you wrote it? It’s what needed to happen. It wasn’t the ending we all wanted, it was the ending that needed to happen.

This was gut wrenching. Mind blowing. We got tears making rivers and oceans over here man 😭

This was wonderful, it really was. It was hard. It was difficult, but it ended, and when it did, it was just, meant to be. We were told it was unavoidable, Smokescreen was told it was inevitable, and it was in the end. He wasn’t ever going to get that chance to prove the Matrix and everyone else wrong.

You are just, SO good at doing this. At making something that is real, and important (to me anyway 😔).

I love how Smokescreen bonded with everyone. He knows, everyone. He has made memories with them that are his, and his alone. He can’t share them now. They’re remnants of times that no longer exist. He doesn’t get those bonds back. Not like the ones he had. And that’s hard. It’s hard for him, it’s hard for us, there’s no way for him to get satisfaction for those losses.

You’ve gotta be magic or something. Like, actually.

In my class today, I fr opened my physical, non-Transformers related book, and tried to find where I had left off on ‘Broken Record’, then did a 180 when I very quickly realized this book was not, in fact, your Tumblr page, and I was not, in fact, reading one of your stories 💀

You’ve infected my brain with the robos. Everything is a reference to your stories. (For example, Burgers: That one story if your were the humans purposely eat burgers and meat in the base to make the bots uncomfy cuz it’s funny to see their reactions.)

Anyway, back to the story, Optimus understood Smokescreen’s situation very quickly. And once it was made clear that he understood, it became very clear that these loops were not a new thing. For any of the primes. That makes me wonder how similar it had been for Optimus. Or rather, Orion Pax.

We know that he was once like Jack, from what Ratchet tells us in the show, but I can’t really see someone like Jack turning into someone like Optimus. Not naturally. I had always assumed that Orion became who he is as Optimus just by getting the Matrix, or just by being in the war. But you said “F that” and did something completely new. Orion having to go through those ‘trials’ like how Smokescreen did absolutely adds to the reasoning behind such a, seemingly drastic personality change. It seems drastic to everyone else, but, as you showed us with Smokescreen, it was gradual. It was a very, very gradual change. It was a change that came through many, many long hardships and challenges, and in the end he didn’t even succeed in his original goal. As it probably was for Orion. Smokescreen isn’t the bot he used to be. Not by a long shot. Nebulous Prime did not simply just, come to be. It’s who Smokescreen turned into.

(Makes me wonder if you’d be wanting to do a prequel for ‘Broken Record’ but for Orion 👀)

Anyway, to wrap it up, you’re incredible, your mind is incredible, thanks for being incredible.

Oh my goodness. I am just, in absolute AWE at this breakdown of the story. You APPRECIATE my writing and you have no idea how happy that makes me. I put so much effort into my work, and it never ceases to make me smile and want to keep on going when I read comments like yours. I am not being paid for this, I am not gaining anything from this in real life, but it is wonderful people such as yourself that keep me going, so thank you :)

Smokescreen's tale in "Broken Record" really is one of tragedy, and I adore how you have laid it out. The vision I had while writing was an inevitable slow march toward the apathy all Primes seem to have. Optimus always knows so much, has skills that one could see him having but still appear slightly out of place in light of his origin. He was the embodiment of skill and wisdom, and yet he was always tired.

I loved the idea of finding a core reason behind that exhaustion aside from war, a purpose behind the seeming aimless behavior Optimus exhibited upon no longer having a foe to fight. His trial, in my mind, was different from Smokscreen's.

I say this because I do indeed intend to write a prequel from Orion's perspective. I want to show how crushing it will be when his passion and drive are tempered through unexplainable loss and the revelation that he CAN'T fix everything. There is no happy story book ending, and Smokescreen now knows this well. Conviction turned to duty, love dulled to loyalty, idealism shifted into numbing apathy.

In light of this, can you see why the other Primes went crazy? Orion was a special case and without Optimus to serve as a foundation, Smokescreen would have joined the mad ranks of his predecessors. It is a sad story where the weak falter and the strong prevail. It was underlying, but it was also a hope of mine that it would be shown that no mech should want the Matrix. To be a leader is a burden, and in the world of "Broken Record", that is more than evident.

Thank you again for your lovely commentary! I look forward to writing more if only so that kind folks such as yourself have more to enjoy.