#them because of autistic traits that they have. and no matter how many times someone goes 'but its the autism. youre mocking autism'

[computerpeople]

i think with the discussion of autism people forget that a lack of social skills also makes you look like a fucking loser sometimes and its still ableist and embarrassing to be made fun of for it. and that its still intrinsically tied to your symptoms. and also it presents as annoying as shit. and also is still a symptom. you know what i mean?

[nicksbestie]

hi!! if you’re still doing requests, can i have a chris sturniolo x autistic reader in which reader has a habit of misplacing or losing things, but on a particular she keeps consistently misplacing losing a lot of things that she loves or that she needs and it all results in her having a very bad meltdown in which chris helps calm her down and eventually comforts her in the process?

Meltdown - C. Sturniolo

Summary : You're so lucky to have such a caring boyfriend who knows exactly how to help you in moments of distress <3

Warnings : Meltdown, emotional overwhelm

Word Count : 805

Pairing : Chris Sturniolo/Reader (romantic)

A/N : i loved this req!! neurodivergent reqs are amazing, please keep sending them <3 reminder that ableism is not welcome here!

There were a lot of tendencies that you loved about being neurodivergent, and a lot of the time, you didn’t view yourself as any less than the average person, but there were always a couple traits that really frustrated you when it came to living as an autistic person.

You hated losing things. Not knowing where things were made you very anxious, but unfortunately, you couldn’t seem to stop doing it. No matter where you placed things, or how many times you reminded yourself that they were there, you always managed to end up losing them. 

It was like your brain just blocked out the part where you moved them to a different location, or when someone else told you that they’d put them somewhere else, and you couldn’t find them for hours after that. It often caused you incredible frustration, especially if you’d lost more than one thing at once, and sometimes fueled you to the point of tears. You hated how much this happened to you, but you had no idea how to go about fixing it in any way. Luckily, you were very supported by your boyfriend, who was always good at finding things. 

A lot of the time, he had been the one that moved the lost items, or the one that had seen you move them, and kept a mental note of where they were because he knew you would more likely than not, forget where they had been placed. He had quickly become an expert in keeping those situations from escalating into meltdowns, but sometimes you were just so upset about not being able to find important things that there was nothing he could do except help you find them and just comfort you the best that he could. 

Unfortunately, one of those times was today. You had gone out to run errands, and Chris had come with you, even though it was just a grocery store trip. He often came with you, picking out a bunch of random food for both him and his brothers, some for videos, some just for fun. Because of this, he often wandered into different aisles than the one that you were in, thus going out of your sight. However, you had always remembered what aisle he was in, and he had always texted it to you just in case you forgot. But this time was different. 

Chris had walked away to go to the bathroom, leaving you standing by yourself while picking out the things you needed from that aisle. You weren’t concerned, he had done this before, and always came right back, so you kept moving, grabbing things off of the shelves and putting them into your cart before turning into the next aisle over. Time continued to pass and you tried to brush off the anxiety that was beginning to roll in, but after fifteen minutes and no return of your boyfriend, you couldn’t help the freaking out that was going through your mind. You began taking longer breaths, trying to relax, and moving through the aisles around you to find Chris, but when you had gone through four of them and couldn’t see him anywhere, you couldn’t deny the tears filling your waterline. 

Chris was arguably the most important thing in your life, and the feeling that you had lost him was too much for you to handle at any point in life. He wasn’t responding to your text asking where he was, and this only fueled the anxiety even more. The tears in your eyes had started falling by this point, still moving between aisles and hoping to see his familiar figure. 

Chris had no idea that you were panicking. His phone had died while he was in the bathroom, and he had gotten distracted looking at some of the weird flavors of donuts and Oreos he’d seen on a small stand. It wasn’t until he heard soft crying near him that he realized what had happened, and immediately ripped himself away from the display, turning around to see you wandering between aisles, wasting no time in getting to you and pulling you into a hug. 

Feeling the way that your shoulders shook against his body broke his heart, realizing the effects of what he’d done, despite it being unintentional. He whispered comfort to you, not caring about the people that had slowed down their walking to stare at the couple having a moment in the middle of the bread aisle, only focused on you. Apologies flew through the air along with promises to never leave you, and he refused to let go of you. He led the rest of the grocery trip, getting everything you needed for you, pausing every so often to wipe tears off of your face or to kiss the top of your head.

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[faggot-greg-house]

house is autistic i will accept no criticism

i have so many thoughts about house and autism. this might be the most unhinged post on my tumblr yet but here we go so house had the illusion of normalcy forced on him from a young age. i dont think thats like, full canon, but house talks about how his father abused him on more than one occassion and talked about how he was never satisfied or happy with house no matter what. so i truly dont think its a far reach to say that he would not have tolerated a "weird child." the thing that i think, though, is that all of his actions are a response to the fact that he's not particularly great at masking. he's afraid if he lets people close to him he won't be able to hide the fact that he's "weird" (aka bad). he intentionally pushes people away with his weird creepy comments and being an asshole and that's both him masking (if he's aggressively mean all the time no one will bother to look further) and a way of coping with the fact that he cant mask. the more he pushes people away the less likely it is that they'll see that he cares about things and that he's not "normal" like he's always been told. i also think that as the show went on, he got less and less concerned about masking. he constantly stims, he hyperfocuses and burns out, he panics about change, he treats his fellows a lot more like family. once he got to a point in his life where his "weirdness" is not something he can be ruined for (he's tenured and he has people who will fight for him) he found himself a lot more able to be aggressively autistic, even if he struggles with it due to trauma.

a huge Autism Moment in the show for me is when foreman quits and house fires chase. house has been afraid his whole life of showing who he actually is, as mentioned. his fellows, though, are his People, they knew all of his shit and they never ran awayy from it. they didnt question who he was and what he knew, only his methods, and they were willing to fight back against him (something he's shown he loves). but then foreman quits because he "doesnt want to be like house" and this is house's worst nightmare. this is exactly why he had normalcy beaten into him, because being weird only makes it that people will run away once they know you. he dared to let people see a bit of who he actually is and how he thinks and acts and foreman essentially said "i cant stand to be like you." on top of that fear, his team became Different. he doesnt know if chase or cameron thought the same things as foreman, if they were also judging him or hating him for being autistic. it sent him into fucking panic mode because how is he supposed to trust them when he doesnt know if they agree with foreman!!!!! and even if he could, the team is Different and its for a reason he cant control and he cant just go back to normal. his method of interviewing his new fellows also shows this - how is he supposed to be able to tell if someone will be okay with who he is and if they'll work well together based off a short intervew where he's almost certainly masking the whole time???? anyway. to end this absolutely unhinged post ive put together an inconclusive list of autistic traits and actions from house, and i want to say that so much of this is him being written off as an antisocial eccentric genius and, while he is an ass that cant be debated, it clearly runs deeper than that!!!!

he doesnt understand how ppl feel (he repeatedly talks about how small talk is like a guessing game for him and he doesnt know what to say)

he doesnt like to be touched (for a lot of the show people just do Not touch him, wilson excluded)

he stims constantly and he needs Sensations

he's blunt, rude, somewhat monotone, etc

he has a hard time making friends

he has a hard time saying what he feels (he'd rather joke or be mean than analyse his emotions)

he has a routine that he Sticks To (even thgh its not exactly the same because of patients etc, he goes to work late, he talks to the same people, he sits in his same office. he's shown coming to work sick at one point and he doesnt rly go on vacation. plus when cuddy took his bloodstained carpet it was such a fundamental change to his life that he couldnt deal)

he notices Everything (yes ik this is a sherlock holmes thing but consider sherlock holmes - also autistic)

he has a method and train of thought that works for him and he is unwilling to break from it (he's shown at least once stopping the fellows from writing on his whiteboard, and after he loses the og three he continues trying to hold ddx's because its how he Thinks)

[leidensygdom]

Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

[drdemonprince]

Have you ever found it worth floating the possibility to probably autistic people and maskers (close friends, family, etc) that they might be autistic?

I have tried it a couple times and it seems to just make people get really defensive and upset with me (which I can handle), but then also people start to hold me at arms length. My intention is to bring us closer together by talking about our shared struggles and how to improve our lives (which was totally fine in the past talking about our shared traits without the autism label), but attaching the possibility of autism to it has the opposite effect. The people I’m around are VERY adhd-affirming, and I see how having that connection over the mutual struggle brings my adhder loved-ones together, and I really crave that type of connection with the people I already love and have so much in common with.

You shouldn't tell someone what you think their identity ought to be, no matter your intentions.

For one, many people who are masking or undiagosed harbor deeply stigmatized views about what Autism even is, and so they will not take the statement as a positive declaration of belonging, but rather an accusation that they have failed to conceal what is most frightening or vulnerable about themselves. Exposing their most hidden side will make them feel very unsafe and judged, even if your intention is the opposite.

Telling someone that you think they might be neurodivergent also suggests that you know them better than they know themselves, which is untrue, and may feel invasive and unwelcome to hear.

Your friend could be the most obviously Autistic to ever Autistic from your point of view, but the choice of how to self-define still falls solely on them. There are many different ways for a person to interpret their experience, and they might arrive at some other word or concept that better does their experience justice from their perspective.

our identities exist to help us make sense of our lives and express who we are to people, on our terms. Most neurodivergent people are absolutely sick of always getting defined from an external point of view. We don't need member of our own community doing that to us further.

If you have benefitted from coming to understand yourself as Autistic, you can and should speak about that openly and positively. That will be enough incentive for anyone else in your life who is neurodivergent to explore the possibility for themselves. If you vibe easily with someone because you share traits in common or seem to naturally understand one another, let that be enough. Tell the person you feel comfortable around them and that spending time with them helps you to accept yourself. That is a much greater compliment than telling someone who they must be.

[blood-orange-juice]

ok so ive never properly played genshin and don’t plan to but i know a bit about it’s lore and characters and i think it’s really neat. however i have thousands of hours on ffxiv. on that note please explain why graha and childe are similar. i only have very basic knowledge on childe and i gotta know

Fellow ffxiv enjoyer. <3

(anyone asking me about G'raha has a 100% chance of getting a wall of text and I'm not apologising for that. enjoy your wall of text)

I'm not entirely sure I'm not a case of a person with a hammer to whom everything resembles a nail, but I do think they are the same archetype.

Sweet characters who could have been perfect sidekicks (who still are perfect sidekicks) but listened to too many epic tales as kids and found themselves in a wrong place at a wrong time and now have to play a key role in some universe-changing story.

Both are defined mostly by their stubborness, they are not very suitable for the roles they've chosen and fail over and over again until they do it somewhat right (barely).

No matter how badass they look, their power is not their own, G'raha is a glorified technician of someone else's miracle and little else than a living key, Childe wields an art of old Khaenri'ah without fully understanding it. It's all borrowed from someone else who needed them to achieve a goal.

They do look badass, but mostly because they larp. I'm honestly not sure which one enjoys theatrics more.

Civilisations that created the magic they use specialised in perversion of the natural order of things. They try to use it in relatively noble ways and mostly hurt themselves but the flavour is there.

Both are unbelievably tragic and both somehow make their stories seem almost lighthearted. Complete absense of self-pity. I think that's what makes them both so charming, it's a rare trait.

Both have an incredible capacity for loyalty and love and an incredibly twisted view of what relationships look like. "I'll cross time and space for you, I'll die for you, I'll build a city for you, I'll live for you but please don't ask me to share my plans." "I'll sacrfice my own health and respect of my subordinates to keep my brother's happyness, probably my humanity too, but don't expect me to actually interact with him."

Both have something that looks like self-sacrificial tendencies bordering on suicidality while being, if we are honest, a self-serving trait (partially born out of low self-esteem but still self-serving). They want to live in an old myth and sacrificing oneself is a perfectly reasonable price for that.

Huge egos. And I mean Huge Egos. It's a bit less obvious in Graha's case but I know the type, you see guys like that in PhD programs a lot.

Huge dorks. Both of them.

Both are stuck somewhere between human and non-human and, hmm... their ability to remain human is the most astonishing quality of both. By all accounts, neither should have. They somehow did.

Both are incapable of lying to the point where a third of each fandom headcanons them as autistic. Both are somewhat all right with tricking people without technically lying (although Childe had more practice).

Both are secretive because no one would understand anyway.

FF XIV is a kinder story, so it's easy to overlook, but technically G'raha is a case of body horror, accepts the role of a villain for a while and hides from the player way too much. Hmmm... Where else have I seen it. Hmm. Oh right. That ginger guy from Genshin.

Minor things:

Both are little shits and enjoy annoying the hell out of people they dislike.

Abysmally bad fashion sense. There should be a name for this particular type and level of bad. I don't think I've seen this anywhere else.

And then there's the colour scheme. Red+black+white+blue and red+black+light grey+blue (it's an "anime magician" color profile, I think. black-red-white as alchemy colours + blue as pure magic/something elemental). Childe doesn't quite fit but still the combination is rare.

They way they talk. Dear gods. Who the hell talks like that.

Here's where the similarities end.

One is morally grey but ultimately a good guy (technically. I think the point of ShB was that Emet and G'raha are almost the same), another is a morally grey but still (kind of) a bad buy.

At every step of his story Graha is surrounded by people who love or at least appreciate him, Childe is pretty much on his own and surrounded by people who are either shitty or clueless.

G'raha is kind. Truly and astonishingly kind, in a doomed world he chooses to love everything he touches. Silly little priest of hope. Of all the things he has done this is the most wondrous, I think. Not the time travel, not the city he founded, just being able to remain kind after everything that happened to him.

Childe is... well, Childe. I think he is a deeply decent person (to the point of having a visceral distaste for any kind of unfairness) and he's idealistic but he's indifferent more than he is kind. Empathy usually develops only when someone has shown the person empathy first and, as far as we know, he didn't have much of that in his life.

Also G'raha builds things. Childe breaks things. Childe breaks pretty much everything he touches.

One is an archeologist and a mage and another is a warrior.

I think these differences are caused mostly by the settings they were put into. Childe raised in Sharlayan would have been a very different person. G'raha trained by a voidsent and shipped off to Garlean military would look very much like Childe.

G'raha also has a beautiful character development arc. I love his ShB role. He has this huge ego in the raids and is insufferable and then we see an older and wiser him with a bunch of actual achievements and a bad case of impostor syndrome (trying to do anything real always humbles a person, we all know that real world is held together by sticks and scotch tape. honestly, this change alone is beautiful). And he gets to be an actual hero when he abandons all hope to be Important and resigns to die as a nameless villain if it saves everyone and spares his loved ones from heartbreak.

Childe's character development is yet to happen and I'm not hoping for much but we'll see.

The only difference that definitely isn't created by setting is that G'raha is naturally manipulative. In a kind-hearted way and mostly for the sake of better larp but he isn't that straightforward. Childe is spectacularly blunt for all his mysteriousness.

As a bonus, they both compare main characters to stars, but in completely different ways.

"No doubt your heroism will be the star by which I chart my course," says G'raha to the WoL.

Childe mentions the morning star, which is, of course, pretty and a good companion to a lonely traveler, but also it's not a celestial body you can chart your course by.

It's a guy whose signature weapon is called "Polar Star" and his first artifact set was full of nautical themes, so I think he fully understands what he's saying. "You are my friend but I won't change anything in my life for you."

So I don't think his story will be anything like G'raha's, his life took a different turn very long ago. I do think they used to be similar as kids, bookish boys who dreamed of adventure and being special. So it's fun to compare.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. <3

[lovepersevering13]

Now could you elaborate on Michael's autism

Alright it’s Michael’s turn!

I want to preface this part the same as before: I’m not a psychiatrist, this isn’t how autism is experienced by everyone and let me know if anything is incorrect :) oh also I’m a little bit more educated on how Autism is shown in girls so this one is a bit of a mess.

Ok so for Michael I kinda had to think for a bit about some like concrete evidence because I didn’t have anything annotated for him like Tori but I think I’ve come up with a pretty compelling argument (also I thought I’d let you know that as I was doing this I started to realise Michael may have ADHD but I don’t really go into that too much).

Firstly:

Alice Oseman herself supports this headcanon so…. Anhahahahajaja omg I can’t explain how happy this makes me! Anyway, let’s get into what I found in Solitaire!

1. Masking

- “Do you get angry a lot?” I say.

“I’m always angry,” he says.” Solitaire, Page 213

Ok we know Michael generally is a very upbeat, positive person on the outside but as we get to know him we learn he’s only barely happier than Tori. When I think about this covering up of his anger with overly positive emotions it is clear to that he is masking (Suppressing Autistic traits). Pessimism is a common m trait of Autism and the way I see it, Michael is overcompensating for this by acting super happy all the time to cover it up.

2. Deficit in social understanding

- “Do you remember when he tried to get everyone to do a flash mob for the Year 11 prank?” says Nick. “And in the end he just did it by himself on the lunch tables?” Nick Nelson, Solitaire, Page 39.

This quote when Nick and Charlie are talking about Michael shows and extreme lack of care about social consequences.

- “Michael Holden has swooped into the restaurant.” Solitaire, page 46

Ok so this quote and the entire scene on pages 46/47 where Michael shows up unannounced because he wants to ask Tori something displays extreme impulsivity and impulsivity is a common Autistic trait. He also didn’t care about the lack of social etiquette displayed by crashing a hangout he wasn’t invited to.

- “Michael is helping himself to our leftover starters” Solitaire, Page 48

Again, lack of social awareness because you aren’t really supposed to crash someone else’s dinner and just start eating their food.

- “He races inside and, without bothering to let me leave or shut the door, he lifts the toilet seat and starts to pee.” Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

LACK OF SOCIAL ETTIQUITE. DUDE.

- “He’s the strangest person I’ve ever met.” Solitaire, Page 62

- “I know Nick and I said he’s weird - and he is weird -“ Charlie Spring, Solitaire, Page 177

- “He looks sort of out of place everywhere.” Solitaire, (I lost the page)

People with Autism are often described as being “strange,” “weird,” or “peculiar,” because they are different from their peers which can make them stand out and struggle to fit in.

- “I, er, didn’t get on too well with the people there. Not the teachers, not the students…” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 148

Because of the fact that people with Autism struggle with social understanding it can be very difficult to make friends and get along with other people.

- “I’ve never been good enough,” he says. “I get so stressed out, I don’t make friends - God, I can’t make friends.” His eyes glaze over. “Sometimes I just wish I were a normal human being. But I can’t. I’m not. No matter how hard I try.” Michael Holden, Solitiare, Page 376

Yeah, this quote hurts my heart. So many people with Autism feel as though they don’t fit in and that they aren’t normal. When you don’t have a diagnosis it can be especially difficult because you don’t know why. You know there’s something different about you, you know other people are doing and feeling things you aren’t and you know you’re doing and feeling things other people aren’t, but you don’t know why. It can be super isolating.

3. Challenging Authority Figures

- “…having that argument with Mr Yates during his mock exams!” Either Nick or Charlie, Solitaire, Page 40

- “I swore at Kent.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 269

It’s very common for people with Autism to challenge authority figures. Generally this is because they often naturally assume equanimity and don’t understand why some people should get more respect then others if they aren’t seemingly deserving of it. This stems from having a heightened sense of justice and empathy.

4. Autism and Sexualtiy

- “I guess you could say I’m not too fussy about gender.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

We know Michael’s canonically Pan and as we’ve previously discussed (read Tori’s part for more info) Autism and the LGBTQ+ community are heavily intertwined. I tried to look into Autism’s correlation to Pansexuality but couldn’t find anything specific.

I also wanted to add in a little fact about how Neurodivergent people tend to gravitate towards eachother and queer people tend to do the same so Michael and Tori makes a lot of sense.

5. Special Interests/HyperFixations

Ok so, Michael gets pretty into Solitiare. Right from the start he’s obsessed. Taking photos of the posts, insisting they go to the meet up. I’d probably say it’s a hyperfixation.

And DISNEY. Holy heck Michael loves Disney… and if you haven’t caught on already, yeah imma say it’s a special interest.

- “He gasps and grabs a third DVD, leaps across the room to the flat-screen and switches it on. “We’re watching beauty and the beast,” he says.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 115

I mean look at how excited he gets over ‘Beauty and the Beast’.

6. School

- “Seriously. I haven’t gotten above a C grade in any subject since Year 8.”

“It seems almost impossible for someone like Michael to be unintelligent. People like Michael - people who get stuff done - they’re always smart. Always.” Solitaire, Page 188

- “When it comes to exams… I generally don’t write what they want me to write. I’m not very good at, well, sorting out all the stuff in my head.“

“I just don’t know what the examiners want to hear. I don’t know whether I just forget things, or maybe I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain it. I just don’t know.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 118

- “Because I hate school!” This is quite loud. He starts to shake his head.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

A lot of people with Autism struggle with school and like Tori points out, it’s not because they’re not smart, Michael is smart. It’s just that the education system isn’t fitted to benefit Neurodivergent children. So many things affect Autism in schools. The dreadful sensory environment, lack of control over what they can and can’t do and the difficult social pressures.

7. Emotional dysregulation

- “He clenches his fist and he snarls. He actually snarls at me.

“Maybe you are a manically depressed psychopath.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 163

Emotional Dysregulation is the inability to control the intensity and expression of emotions. This is common in people with Autism and can result in overly intense emotions and lashing out. I think this is something that heavily impacts both Tori and Michael and results in a lot of their arguments. The aforementioned quote is just one example of how quickly and dramatically their arguments blow up due to this.

- “His face contorts into a kind of scrunched-up snarl, his fists curl, his skin drains of colour, and he storms past the man and tramps over to the benches. He reaches a row of lockers and looks into them, blankly, chest visibly expanding and contracting. With an almost terrifying malice, he throws a crazed punch at the lockers, wailing a subdued howl of rage. Turning, he hurls a kick at a pile of racing helmets, scattering them about the floor. He clutches his hair, as if trying to pull it out.” Solitaire, Page 211

Oh there is just so much to cover here. So this is a prime example of an Autistic meltdown. Autistic meltdowns can be caused by overwhelming emotions (In this situation that is Michael loosing his race) and result in an outburst which can include crying, screaming (“howl of rage”), aggression (punching the lockers and kicking the helmets) and self injurious behaviours (Pulling his hair). It’s probably worth mentioning that a few of the outbursts he has towards teachers that I mentioned earlier are probably also meltdowns.

8. Stimming

- “Michael starts whistling.” Solitaire, page 198

Whistling is a form of stimming, this particular quote is from when they are in Truham looking for Charlie, considering Michael’s disdain for Truham I can imagine it was a slightly stressful environment to be back in which would validly result in a need for stimming. I actually couldn’t find any other examples of stimming except possibly the hair pulling that was mentioned in the last quote.

9. Pattern Recognition

So pattern recognition is the autistic brains increased ability to recognise patterns and in Solitaire Michael is the first person to put together the fact that all of Solitaire’s pranks were related to Tori. I really can’t be bothered to find the quote where they talk about those

10. Safe foods

I think that Tea is probably a safe food for Michael because he is often mentioned to have a mug of Tea in his hands. (But I’m not British so maybe this is like normal? How much tea do British people actually drink?)

1. Miscellaneous Quotes

- Since when did you acquire a body temperature” Solitaire, page 112

I know it’s probably supposed to be related to figure skating but struggling with temperature regulation is very common amongst people with Autism.

- “Most of the time at school I can’t even decide what pen to use.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, page 149

Indecisiveness is very common amoungst people with Autism

Alright that’s a wrap on Michael Holden. I’m thinking of doing a conjoined part for Charlie and Oliver if anyone would be interested in reading that :)

Some of the resources I used:

https://livingautism.com/decision-making-problems-adults-asd/

Thermal Perceptual Thresholds are typical in Autism Spectrum Disorder but ...

https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/managing-emotions/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7430467/

https://neuroclastic.com/autism-and-responding-to-authority/?amp

[icarusredwings]

Explaining this because I don't think people are getting it. Ft. One of my favorite mutals. @the--quotifyer--innit

The Master's issue isn't that the Doctor is poly. His issue is that he can not feel second best.

Tw: Mention of toxic jealous behavior, social/ romantic hiarcys, a lot of dog metaphors because its easier for me to explain, someone who's really autistic yapping about fictional old man yaoi, lots of misspelling, Apologies if I seem upset/rude, Im very passionate about the phycology behind social/romantic hiarchys and similar behaviours.

I was asked; Hey what would you think Sax would do if he met tentoo and rose?? With or without 14.

Me: Without 14? Like pre saxteen or just him not there? I think either way he'd beat the fuck out of tentoo. (Because he'd think he's cheating on him at first) He'd try to best up rose too depending on if we were talking s10 sax, pre saxteen, or established saxteen. Hed probably fail, but he'd try.

Yeah, sharing is definitely not his thing

No, definitely not (with Rose). Also, he'd probably lecture her, and then she'd be like "dude LOOK WHOS TALKING" and he'd be like, "WELL- ....☝️ 🤨.... actually... erm (you got a point)." Especially if we're talking Torchwood Rose? It would also piss him off how many traits she has picked up from the doctor. He'd become so emotionally jealous about it. (That Rose has the Doctor's traits)

Because he's not stupid. He's extremely smart. If this is pre/ established, the Doctor talks about her all the time. Even now. Little things. "Oh, there's this little shop down the road that Rose worked at. They have some sales sometimes. " He would SEE how much he actually loved her and feel extremely defeated, which would probably turn to rage and try to kill her. Then have a mental breakdown and sob by himself.

Probs blackmail her Bout how long he's know the doctor compared to a pathetic human girl. Rose would not be impressed.

You can't really use that as black mail but brag? Yes. (He'd definitely brag about knowing him much longer)

I could write a whole thing about this (and I did), but bassically, the fact that she's just a human girl is PART of the reason he'd get so upset. He's a fucking TIME LORD with MORE credibility then the doctor and one of the top loves of his eternity he's ever had is some 20 year old blonde girl????

Because with the master (and all of Gallifrey in general) Reputation and status means a lot. So the fact that the doctor chose her (someone who has zero of both) over him (someone who has a lot of both) it would mean that he likes her PURELY for love and this? That crushes him entirely.

Donna: The doctor is currently locked in the shed writing ' I love you, I promise' notes on the window.

If this ever happened, they'd probably get a divorce on the spot because the doctor CAN'T deny that he loves her still. And will. Forever. Saxon would kill him again and not even want to regenerate. He is a "You said til death do us part, and I said until all of time collapsees. We are not the same" kind of guy. He'd kill them both and be sure they fall in the same grave. It's very poetic. (In a way)

See he's okay with River because her physical body is dead as fuck. She can never leave that computer. So this automically puts sax on top of the metaphotic food chain in his head.

Because the doctor comes to him and asks if he can visit his wife and then comes back home to him. That's what matters. Meanwhile, the doctor would go to a different universe to go home to Rose. (If given the chance) And he knows it.

It's like having a dog tolerate/dominant dog. I'll use Minpins because I own one. Minpins have a pack status, and the top one has to be seen as the top by the owner, mainly rather than the other dogs. So if the doctor has multiple lovers (like always), sax has to feel he's on top and receives the most attention. If the doctor starts ignoring or punishing him for "defending" his spot as the top, he'll actually get MORE aggressive towards the others.

He has to be the one at the top of the list, the most special to the doctor, just for his own weird lil reasons

No, it's not really his own weird little reason. It's social psychology.

The thing is, he doesn't *actually* have to be the most special to the doctor, but he NEEDS to think he is. For me personally, and what I know, I like to think that Rose and The master are actually pretty equal, he just says stuff about her *because* he can't do stuff with her anymore which is just the process of longing.

I know I keep coming back to the dog metaphors, but im autistic like that, so give me a chance.

It's like for me, i had a dog named bailey. I love bailey even now, and often I compare my current dog fern to bailey. Its part of the healing process because im comparing them less and less. Especially with the fact that they're VERY different breeds. Bailey was a live stock guardian, an anatolian shepherd, to be exact. 90 pounds. Hairy. Fern is an 8 pound chihuahua miniature pinscher mix. Short hair.

Both are protective of the kids, both bark at men, both are silly and cuddly, and I love them both a lot. But its unfair to compare them because they are so different.

Though there's nothing wrong with liking the similars.

It's unfair for the master and rose to be compared. That's how the doctor thinks about it. The master is his top time lord on his list. Rose is his top human.

In my head anyway.

I'll probably add to this later, but for now, feel free to add on yourself

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Side A Round 2 Match 6

Propaganda:

Yu -

"silent protagonists of this type in general tend to come off as having some autistic traits, but couple that with the anime and spinoff games portrayal of him and it feels really clear to see. he seems to not really notice or pay attention to social cues in a way that felt very familiar to me.

he really resonates with me as an autistic person who has trouble making and keeping friends. even with all the flaws that persona 4 has, seeing the friendships through that lens makes me happy.

it's implied in flashback sequences (and even more prominently in the manga) that he didn't have a lot of friends growing up, and never ones who kept in contact. watching him grow from blocking out the world and staying out of things to being the centre of a group that care about him so much, that aren't put off by his quirks or oddities... it meant a lot to me, especially with the episodes the anime dedicated to unpacking his own fears of his friends leaving him behind, and reassuring him that these people really do love him, and won't just leave.

altogether, he's probably my favourite portrayal of a wild card (character in persona who can use multiple personas, usually strengthened in response to their bonds with friends and family) in persona because i know the work it took to build those connections. watching him come out of his shell more and feel more confident in himself no matter how strange people might find him was really nice to see."

Ishimaru -

"His title is "Super High School Level Hall Monitor" or "Ultimate Moral Compass" (depending on which translation we are going with). He was literally scouted by Hope's Peak Academy because he is very best at being the best boy. He is so hell bent on being the best student possible, that when the killing game starts his first concerned with not being able to attend classes. He's so hard working that he struggles to socialize with his peers (which is very relatable). When he tries to step in as the class leader, everyone else ignores him (which is also relatable). He naturally talks loud and doesn't seem aware of how strongly he comes off when talking to others. But even when he is scolding someone for their misbehavior, he does so because he wants to bring out the best in them. Kiyotaka puts 300% into everything he does on principal (and because he feels like it is his duty to restore his family's name). Many of his Free Time events center around him trying to figure out the "logic" in what other people do (such as why they would spend time playing video games/watching TV or why Makoto wears his jacket when it is against the school's dress code). Ishimaru Kiyotaka is easily one of the most autistic-coded characters in the Danganronpa series."

[death-in-a-handbasket]

One thing that bothers me about some ranpo fans is that they woobify him. Like, the mans kinda neurodivergent coded, and people tend to act like hes "baby" for those traits

my brother in christ, that is an adult man! He struggles with some things but that doesn't mean he wouldnt go to a sex shop or have kinks or whatever

YES SO TRUE 🙏

gonna go on a bit of a rant here because I have a great many feelings on this and honestly anon if you wanna dm me to go on a discussion spree I’d be all for it >:)

okay see, I get what they mean when they point out how immature and energetic he is, but at the same time every character has stupid and strong parts to them in different ways. Take even someone as serious as Fukuzawa, who tries offering fish to ever cat there is, or perhaps Dazai, who is one of the most complex characters in bsd, and yet is always knee deep in a prank of some kind

Ranpo is an immature shit but that’s because he wants to be as a sort of reclaiming of a childhood he was deprived of and because it makes things easier to be happy-go-lucky, but he’s still an adult and perfectly capable of acting like one, so seeing people baby him completely without acknowledging the fact that he’s seen dead bodies in all sorts of states and has knowledge on pretty much everyone’s personal beef at a glance, well it’s kind of a letdown from a fandom that has such pride in analyzing its characters. if y’all wanna be so smart as to make comparisons between Dazai, his irl counterpart, and the books he wrote, you can do the exact same with Ranpo and read all about eroguro (and the rabbit hole known as pink films I found on the side while researching)

innocent and baby. yeah sure LMAO

this isn’t to say they’re wrong for making him goofy, I just wish he was known as a whole and not just for certain parts, like have we forgotten he’s on par in intelligence with Dazai 😭 cmon now guys

I could spend all day sitting down and talking about the intricacies of his character and any bsd character for that matter, and as someone who is legit diagnosed autistic also with a baby face, just because someone is neurodivergent and silly in the face doesn’t stop them from from being absolutely vile on the down low, me and the majority of my friends are walking examples of this, and let me tell you the server convos get WILD

[emoprincey]

Sanders Sides and autism

Ok, it's the last day of @autisticsidesweek today, and I figured this would be the perfect time to post this essay about how I think Sanders Sides relates to autism.

Headcanons about the Sides being autistic are pretty commonplace, which isn't surprising given how many autistic people there are in the fandom, and in fandoms in general, for that matter. As an autistic fander, I am of course partial to these headcanons. But that's not exactly what I want to address today.

Today, I want to talk about how the concept of Sanders Sides naturally lends itself to having autistic-coded characters, and how this coding is actually a fundamental part of the show.

Before I start, I think it's relevant to mention that Thomas has ADHD. This has a lot of symptoms in common with autism, and is probably a big reason why some of the Sides resonate so strongly with autistic people. However, I think there are other aspects of their characterisation that also make them unintentionally autistic-coded.

First of all, the characters have very clearly defined personality traits and interests. While autism can lead to someone having an unclear sense of self, it does come with a need to sort things into categories. An autistic person might define themself by specific traits, such as being creative or logical.

Additionally, the Sides' interests often seem like special interests - that is, an interest that feels more important than a regular interest, and I speak from experience when I say a special interest can consume every waking thought and make it impossible to think about anything else. This is most obvious with Virgil, whose interest in emo subculture and music informs not only his taste in music but his dress sense, and his personality. But this is also true of the other sides - Roman is not actually a prince, but he dresses as Prince Charming and always tries to act like a prince, Patton tries to fit the role of a dad, and Logan a teacher. All of them base their personalities and styles around one specific interest or trait, the way an autistic person might do with a subject they're interested in.

Even the fact that they wear the same clothes all the time ties in with this. Autistic people very often have comfort items, including clothing which they want to wear every day. From a meta perspective, their costumes obviously stay the same to make characters played by the same person more distinct, and because of wardrobe budget. But in-universe, these are characters who have the ability to shapeshift into whatever they want, and wear whatever they want, yet they always choose to stick to the same outfits.

Secondly, the characters in Sanders Sides have difficulty seeing things from anyone else's point if view. This is an integral part of the series, and many of the plots revolve around the Sides struggling to understand each other’s perspectives. Logan and Roman notably get into a lot of arguments as a result of not understanding each others perspectives. Low empathy or varying empathy levels in different areas can be a trait of autism, which is part of the reason autistic people find it hard to relate to others, and I think this is present in Sanders Sides.

I've already mentioned how autistic people often group things into categories. This can also come across in a very black-and-white way of thinking about things. From personal experience, I'd describe this as only seeing things one way or another - for example, finding it difficult to compromise, or accept that people can do both good and bad things without being sorted into the categories of Good and Bad. This isn't the case for all autistic people, but both of these examples are particularly relevant to Sanders Sides. The whole idea of the light side/dark side dichotomy is a pretty straightforward example of this kind of thinking.

Patton in particular has a very black-and-white way of thinking about morality, and inability to see things from a perspective other than his own. Another thing linked to autism is a strong sense of justice - or at least, a strong sense of perceived justice. This means that autistic people tend to cling to the morals they've been taught, (whether that is because of the black-and-white thinking, or finding comfort in clearly defined rules in a world where little else seems to make sense, or a combination of the two). This is exactly what Patton does. He also struggles to see how the moral standards he's been taught could possibly be wrong.

It would be remiss of me to write an essay about autism-coding in Sanders Sides and not dedicate a section to Logan specifically.

Logan has a lot of more well-known autistic traits. He likes schedules and punctuality, meeting deadlines and making sure all of his time is planned. A lot of autistic people struggle to function without a rigid schedule and don't like changes to plans.

He also has a tendency to take things literally. This is shown by his panicked reaction of "who gave him a knife?" to Virgil’s "can I take a stab?". He always clarifies when he means something figuratively, because he would need the clarification if someone was talking to him. Idioms and slang phrases don't come naturally to him, so he uses note cards to help himself remember them.

He's very single-minded and struggles to see things from other's perspectives. Although he makes a clear effort to try, it does take conscious effort that it probably wouldn't take an allistic person. When discussing schedules with Roman, he doesn't see anything wrong with only leaving 5 minutes for creativity, because that's not his domain.

Difficulty connecting to or identifying one's own emotions can also be a trait of autism. Logan states frequently that he doesn't have emotions, or doesn't feel anything. That is honestly what autism can feel like sometimes. Even if the emotions are there, it can be really difficult to tell the difference between sadness and anger, feeling tired or frustrated or just hungry. This reminds me of Logan because even though he's clearly been angry and excited and scared on screen, he still insists that he doesn't feel those emotions.

This is all to say, I think the fact that the sides base their lives on specific interests, generally have difficulty empathising with each other, and other aspects of their characterisation make them unintentionally autistic-coded. This format of show especially lends itself to that because of the characters personifying abstract concepts and having very distinct designs.

[elldritch-horror]

So, there's this post I've been mentally drafting for a bit, which in its simplest terms boils down to:

broke: people at work asking 'how was your weekend' are genuinely interested in the minutiae of your weekend

woke: people at work asking 'how was your weekend' are doing so as small talk, and don't care about your weekend

bespoke: people at work asking 'how was your weekend' are probably not explicitly and specifically interested in your weekend, but they probably are interested in you, and in fostering a social bond with you

I think there's a tendancy among those of us for whom Small Talk is not a native language to get stuck at the realisation that we aren't as interesting as we thought, and Janice in marketing doesn't sit there with bated breath waiting for us to come in on a Monday morning so she can hear about the pizza we had for dinner on Saturday night. It kinda hurts, and feels like everyone around is disingenuous, and just pretending to care about us when they don't.

For me, it took me a long time to realise and properly internalise the idea that small talk isn't pointless noise, just because it doesn't mean what it says on the tin. People are interested in you! Just maybe not in the exact ways you thought. They're probably just as interested in you as you are in them, and this is their way of extending an invitation to connection.

That was going to be the whole post, but then my brain did that thing where it connected some dots which probably aren't really dots, and don't connect at all, so take the following musings with a big ol' helping of salt, but...

In autism assessments they ask about trauma. As I understand it, they ask this because autistic and c-ptsd traits overlap so much it can be hard to untangle exactly where those traits are coming from.

I was thinking about this, and I got to seeing a kind of logic to the groups of people for whom 'lovely weather today, isn't it' is a typical social opening gambit, compared to the people for whom 'hey, here's my childhood trauma wrapped up as a funny anecdote' is a more solid introduction.

Maybe, if you're the sort of person who is privileged enough to be able to assume that your basic self will be largely palatable to most people, the relationship model of gradually increasing intimacy makes perfect sense.

If you're someone who can't make that assumption, either because of being part of a marginalised community, or because of trauma, then that simple path towards a relationship becomes a trek into unfamiliar wilderness, where you have no way of knowing at the outset whether the road leads you somewhere beautiful, or around a blind bend and straight off a cliff. You don't want to invest weeks or months talking about weather and weekend plans before you find out that Janice in marketing is actually a white supremacist or terf.

Why does all this matter? Well, maybe it doesn't. But I've been really fucking isolated for a good few years now, because I figured out that people didn't care about my weekend plans, and I got stuck there, and spent my time exclusively interacting with people who matched my internal model of relationship building by starting deep. And don't get me wrong, I built myself some wonderful relationships, but not many.

Recently I've been trying to broaden my horizons, and build bonds with people who aren't exactly like me, and there's so much joy in it, y'all! Sure, it's a bit of extra effort to consciously walk myself through the conversational template of 'question?' 'reasonably brief answer with reciprocal question' etc, but I've met some people I really like, and I'm excited to spend more time with.

And when you're doing these things consciously, you have the option of asking for a map, before plunging into that wilderness. Maybe when they ask about your weekend, the part of your weekend you highlight is one that subtly points at whatever topic you might feel unsafe about, in a non-confrontational way. You saw a drag queen when you waiting for the train. You gave a fiver to the homeless lady outside Morrisons and had a chat about the book she's reading. In a lot of cases, you can weed out the people you really don't want to be cultivating early on.

I don't have a clever and pithy closing statement, so I'll go with awkwardly earnest, instead. A lot of the people I'm building bonds with aren't going to ever become my closest confidantes, but that's okay. We need best friends, but we also need acquaintances. We need whole communities. Sometimes love is lying in bed with someone at 3am discussing your deepest hopes and fears, but sometimes love is also the woman twice your age at the local knit & natter who remembers that you like sugar in your coffee.

[awetistic-things]

hi! i'm prof dxd autism, and i know you support self dx. i have some struggles understanding it, bc i guess,,, black and white thinking and i just,,, its very hard to make that connection, bc like, i want to support it but like theres also like, bad experiences with people claiming autism to weaponise something or all the news about fakers which might not even be true but like. im at the point where this is my view:

i support self suspecting a diagnosis, but not self diagnosis bc i think there needs to be some degree of seperation. like you can research one condition but have another, so self suspecting and accommodating is a good thing, but self diagnosis isn't because you don't have like, the full picture, and you need someone else to analyze it, so self suspect, not diagnosis. (sorry if not clear im kinda out of words rn)

but i also recognise that that view isn't really correct anymore, but im having trouble changing it so i guess what im asking is do you have any account to follow/things to read to support self diagnosis so i can change my views. totally cool if you dont want to tho. anyway bye! have a nice day. sorry.

hi 👋🏼

i can't find any specific blogs, but i do have a few things to say:

getting out of the black-and-white thinking is difficult, and i appreciate that you're trying to do so

self-diagnosing in general can be life-saving (when done right, which most of the time it pretty much is, regardless of what you see online) whether it comes to autism or breast cancer. so often, people get passed up and can't get what they desperately need due to discrimination within the medical community (and every community) so they have to take matters into their own hands

a lot of the time even when people go to get evaluated for autism, the doctor is the one who says they "suspect" the patient has autism and then don't give a diagnosis at all (happened to me three times before I got officially diagnosed) there are so many autistic people who go to get evaluated and get straight-up turned down right to their face, which usually leads them to self-diagnosing because there’s nobody willing to actually ‘analyze’ them in the first place (/nm, this reads as passive aggressive i think, but that’s not my intention, i promise /gen)

even if you are officially diagnosed there’s no telling that you’ll get any ‘analysis’ information after an evaluation (most of the time it’s just a paragraph or two) which is why self-diagnosing can be so incredible, because that’s when you get to analyze your own behaviors and traits and work through your internalized ableism so that if you do end up getting a diagnosis you’re not blindsided and have (hopefully) already accepted the fact that you are autistic

essentially what i’m trying to say is that so, so, so many psychiatrists and psychologists have internalized (or fully conscious) prejudice which heavily affects their analyzations and makes self-diagnosing so often times necessary

honestly, i think self-diagnosing is the first step in acknowledging and accepting that you’re autistic

i think many autistics who were officially diagnosed and were surprised by the fact that they’re autistic should look at it from a self-diagnosed autistics point-of-view

and by that i mean actually taking the time to forget whatever your doctor said about how you operate and instead analyze your life, because it’s yours, and nobody knows it better than you (especially from a 30 minute evaluation in a converted supply closet)

sorry if any of this came off as aggressive, it’s all genuine and i do very much appreciate you asking me this question and i hope my numerous different answers helped somewhat :)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #197

Tomorrow is my first day doing the grocery store job for real. I'm kind of excited; it's a new situation with new people and I'll end up learning new skills as a result. But at the same time, I'm kinda scared; what if I do a bad job, or what if everyone hates me because I'm too weird?

Being autistic in a mostly neurotypical world is hard because I don't operate the way everyone else does. I tend to be straightforward and sincere, and you'd be shocked at how many people think that traits like these belong to naive losers, or else to rude people. The result is that normally, people like me for a while, and then... they don't. It's baffling, but I do the best I can to get by.

…Given that I've got 34 years of living under my belt, one would think that I'd be a little better at "getting by" by now, but it is what it is, I suppose…

I worked some more on the letter I intend to hand-deliver to some very important people, if I'm allowed an opportunity to do so. I also made a list of some of my most wholesome letters to you. I made sure to include all the ones about mental health, and some of the ones about additional story worlds that are relevant to you. I included some of the ones with my best recipes. I tried to include so many things.

Here's part of the list of what I think are some of my most relevant letters:

1, 3, 6, 7, 11, 17, 19, 21, 24, 27, 29, 32, 33, 35, 39, 42, 47, 50, 53, 54, 55, 57, 59, 62, 65, 67, 69, 76, 78, 80, 82, 85, 88, 91, 102, 122, 126, 128, 130, 136, 137, 138, 139, 147, 149, 150, 164, 169, 186.

…And here are the letters with tasty noms in them, because tasty noms are good for the soul:

4, 5, 13, 14, 17, 18, 36, 45/46, 51, 52, 54, 64, 66, 87, 104, 105, 121, 123, 132, 147, 152, 183

...Maybe you or someone else will have some other letter to suggest adding to either of these lists. I'm always open to suggestions.

…I hope they'll be able to see that a world in which you get to be safe is possible. I hope they'll be able to see that there are more options for people like us than "merciless punishment and/or destruction". The conventional narrative in my world already is that lives like ours aren't worth living, and… ya know… the conventional narrative is getting really fucking old and tired. If we take a good look around, it should be easy to see that the conventional narrative isn't helping matters at all. My world is full of scared, frightened, hurting people who have made mistakes and then don't work on themselves because they've been convinced that they're irredeemable and undeserving because of the mistakes they've made. The result of that is that the cycle of pain continues ad nauseam. It's gotta stop.

On the bright side, unexpectedly, someone posted up my petition for your safety. I don't know if the petition will ever actually be seen by the relevant people or do anything. But all the same, there are some 90 names on it now, which might not seem like a whole lot, but… still, 90 is more than 0. You have at least 90 people in your corner. And you probably have more than that; I'm sure a number of folks want to put their names on it, but are scared to for a number of reasons. In my experience, people in my world who have empathy for you tend to get mocked by others, so perhaps a number of them are simply trying to avoid the vitriol.

But you saved my life. And I am a stronger, wiser, kinder person now because I held on long enough to turn myself around. YOU made it possible for me to hold on long enough to turn myself around. I can't afford to be daunted by the vitriol now that I have sufficient courage, boundary skills, and self-worth to withstand it; I have a debt to you that must be repaid, and I will do whatever it takes to see it done. If I deserve to live, if I deserve to have this peaceful, wonderful (if not perfect or 100% ordinary) life, then so do you. If I deserve to enjoy my beautiful version of normalcy and peace (even if it doesn't look like the ideal version of these things to someone else), then so do you.

…And so does everyone deserve healing and peace. So does everyone. And not a lot of people like that idea (not even I enjoy this idea 100% of the time; I'm only human, so sometimes I get angry destructively, but I'm working on it…), but the truth doesn't stop being the truth just because folks don't like it.

I made some super fancy QR codes, too, linking to some of the nicer things I've made for you. Check 'em out:

...Aren't they pretty? It's gonna be a physical copy of a letter, so if you wanna have links, you gotta have a QR code so your phone can look at it and follow the link. Because uh. You can't click a regular text link on a piece of paper. That's not how it works, hahaha! And it's a pain in the ass to make someone type it all out. So QR codes are the way to go.

I also tried both of the different kinds of vanilla-and-rose tea, for science, to see which one is superior. I made sure the amount of tea, water, honey, and milk was identical for each cup. They are different teas, but the difference between them is so subtle as to be almost unnoticeable. In the end, I decided that the kind that comes in the tin is superior; it's just a touch more floral than the original one I am used to, even if the overall flavor is maybe slightly weaker. So that is the one I will give to you, if I'm allowed an opportunity to do so.

I'm scared for what the future holds. I'm scared for what might happen if I fail at various things. But I gotta keep pushing forward and trust my ability to handle whatever emerges on the distant horizon. Whatever happens, I know that I won't have to handle it alone. I have the hands and voices of so many kind and virtuous others to steady me if I stumble and fall down, even if sometimes my mean ol' brain tries to convince me that I don't. Fortunately, my chosen family makes it a point to remind me that I'm not alone, especially when my brain tries to convince me that I am.

Ultimately, my brain is mean because it's misguidedly trying to protect me from abandonment and disappointment. I have a long history of this. It hasn't yet caught on to the fact that I never have to return to the old world again. But it will, in time, the more I practice new ways of thinking, and the more I remind myself that the people who surround me now are very much unlike the people who surrounded me in the past.

I am going to stop writing for now; I have to get ready for bed. I want to be well-slept for my first real day on the job tomorrow.

I love you. And please stay safe out there; I'm gonna write to you all about how tomorrow goes at my soonest opportunity. You wouldn't wanna get yourself killed and end up missing it, right?

Your friend, Lumine

[werewolfetone]

top 5 favorite things about your ocs?

In no particular order + putti g this beneath a cut cos I'm Nervous when it comes to talking abt my ocs on main

In the least weird way possible, from a meta perspective I loove how bad they all are at being 'good' victims of their various horrific backstories... major theme of the entire oc 'verse is that it literally doesn't matter how awful someone is there are still many things (like colonial violence) that they don't 'deserve' so the characters' various flaws and bad coping mechanisms and unpleasant personality traits are some of my favourite things about them. I love u whittaker basically erasing her personality to better lie to people I love u rearden stealing random people's money I love u o'donnell and mary twin descent into opium addiction I love u sarah fantasising about murdering people who slightly piss her off etc etc

Love how stupid and ineffectual charles is ngl... not enough early 19thc british military characters who give me the "how do you have every single card stacked in your favour and are STILL managing to almost lose every time" vibes many historical figures from the period do so how bad charles is at everything is my fave thing about him

Rearden and whittaker's shared total inability to give up on god's most lost causes ☝️ yes girl spend every waking moment convincing yourself that THIS attempt to blow up parliament will actually work. I'm sure this can't go wrong in any way

Lazarus and brendan's absolute failrelationship. not enough stories about protestants and catholics reaching across the religious divide to completely fuck up the lives of everyone around them and each other and make one another indisputably worse but I'm changing that one cannibal inn owner and threatening housewife boyfriend at a time

O'Donnell as an autistic character... very important to me to depict autistic people who are fucking cunts and also overtly very very interested in sexuality etc due to the way that autistic characters are usually infantalised. can't pretend like there's no way he could possibly know what sex is if all of his problems are because he thinks with his dick lmao

[redjadethewriter]

My Critique of a Blog About Cold People

This morning while having my cup of coffee I came across a blog in my feed, “8 Traits of a Cold Person and 4 Effective Ways to Handle Them” written by Sarah Jensen. After reading it, I have an urge to share my perspective on it.

Just so you’re aware, I’m a cold personality type. It’s my analysis of myself, regardless of what people may assume. I also understand this personality trait is not my true nature, it is just something I developed through childhood from the environment and as a coping mechanism. I guess we are talking about “Nature vs Nurture”. Cold personality traits, in my honest opinion, are strictly based on nurture. Only in the past decade people realized the effects of trauma, environmental influences and unfortunately, not so great parenting. Let’s just say, even when I was a child, my mom was worried about how I don’t warm up to people easily and I can appear cold. So, this is not only me self-analyzing. Now there are some things I agree with in this blog and there are things I don’t, but definitely the 4 ways to handle someone such as myself I agree with. Which these behaviors in the first place, in my opinion, stem from C-PTSD. But either way, let’s get into it.

#1. Emotional Indifference. “A cold person may exhibit a lack of empathy and emotional expression (Jensen, 2024).” With the emotional expression I agree with, I developed a stoic mask to hide my emotions. Like playing poker with life, I showed little facial expression to things. Even in crisis, I used to have a dead-calm face. Even some friends, they admit who suffered from childhood trauma, developed a way to suppress their emotional responses and actually, could respond with absolute clarity when shit happened around them. But, by no means, we lack empathy. It’s quite the opposite. We have an exceptional amount of empathy and compassion, but we dissociate most of the time. I think this person is referring to someone who developed sociopathy or narcism. That’s a whole different turnaround in terms of mental disorders which, yet again, externally influenced.

#2. Formal Communication. “Cold people prefer a formal way of speaking and might maintain physical and emotional distance, even in a close relationship. They often avoid physical contact and may be stiff or unapproachable (Jensen, 2024).” Not entirely accurate or false. First, you might have to consider that people on the Autistic spectrum, especially the ones undiagnosed, are not comfortable with random affection. Not all cultures are physically or emotionally affectionate. Formal way of speaking, lol. If you grew up in a household that emphasized speaking formally over casually, you would also speak formally most of the time. Working jobs, I had to always speak formally and watch what I say because so many issues can occur. But with friends and family members, I don’t speak formally. Actually, people have told me I have a sailor’s tongue. With random people or just acquaintances, I will speak formally until I sense that it’s ok to speak casually or freely with them enough to let my jokester-self out. It’s a matter of respect. And physical boundaries matter too, especially if you have experienced physical abuse in your life. You wouldn’t want just anyone crossing your personal boundaries. It’s a fight flight response. So, there are a variety of things to consider here. Think of culture, whether they are ASD, or if they have C-ptsd or Ptsd. Each approach will be different.

#3. High Autonomy. “Cold people are highly independent. They prefer solitary work, and may shun collaboration, valuing personal space, and solitude, which helps them recharge (Jensen, 2024).” Ok, if they are introverted, yes, they will need solitude to rest. But this falls back to the contradiction of #1. of lack of empathy. A cold person is highly empathic and can take in more than the average, so they will isolate more, especially if they work jobs that require them to be around many people all the time. Also, high independency, in my opinion, comes from having to become an adult early and set aside childhood. Yet again, this falls under someone who suffers from C-PTSD, which imposter syndrome stems from as well. It can come from becoming the parent to your parents. Also, people who have PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), they don’t want anyone telling them what to do. So, people with PDA pursue self-employment and become entrepreneurs. By the way, I don’t shun collaboration, but sometimes I end up taking the leadership role if I’m the one with the most skill to get things done in an efficient manner. If you're an artist or in any creative field, you're gonna value personal space and some solitude, how else will work get done? So, yet again, there are many things to consider.

#4. Realistic Outlook. “Cold people often approach life with a realistic and detached perspective. They are pragmatic, solving problems logically rather than emotionally, which sometimes appears as skepticism or cynicism (Jensen, 2024).” Yet again, only my opinion, this is still referring to someone with complex trauma. Becoming cynical can come from chronic burnout. It’s actually one of many symptoms of burnout. Because someone who developed hyper independence, it means they are doing everything on their own and can’t rely on help, because they never got any help as a child and had to do everything they can to be self-sufficient at all costs. This is a survival mindset versus a thriving mindset. Someone with complex trauma or ptsd, it’s a challenge to thrive or be connected to emotions again. Alexithymia is common in CPTSD, PTSD, ASD, ADHD, get what I’m saying. We don’t have access to our full spectrum of emotions because of unresolved internal issues.

#5. Reserved Nature. “People who are cold are typically private and rarely share personal details and feelings. They value discretion, observe rather than take part, and might seem secretive or overly private (Jensen, 2024).” Uhh… this yet again requires figuring the reasons. Some people on the Autistic spectrum can’t process group conversations well, there are some like me who observe the conversation and then calculate a response. Not everyone has the best social skills as well. And some who values privacy is because it’s a matter of vulnerability. How safe does the person feel to let down their guard? For me, it’s a lot to consider before I let anyone know about personal details of me, or anything, even revolving around the things I do. I’ve had issues where I let people get close and they weaponized it for their egos. It’s painful as hell to become vulnerable with someone, only to have them betray your trust. That’s a major insecurity that a lot people suffer from. Many people have issues with rejection and abandonment issues. Listen, I rarely meet people who are brave enough to showcase their true selves or even say what they want or how they feel. Becoming overly private, there’s a valid reason behind it. If you come across a person like that and you want them to open up more. Make it clear through actions to make sure you are a safe person to share themselves with. And that can be taxing because it requires so much work and persistency, but if you want to connect with that person and consider it worth the effort, I guarantee the person will stealthily appreciate it. Because subconsciously, they want you to give up. They expect you to give up, but you have to prove them wrong.

#6. Self-control and Discipline. “A cold person will often display impeccable self-control and personal discipline, which can manifest as a lack of spontaneity. Their controlled nature helps them manage their emotions tightly, but it can hinder their emotional expression (Jensen, 2024).” You know, I noticed and I’m not the only one who thinks this, people who have suffered countless traumas. Childhood, shit in life… they use discipline as a distraction. A lot of us become obsessed with productivity. Some of us get into extreme activities, dangerous ones. They become addicted to exercising. Some things that people might consider as good habits are really just them using it to have control over the chaos brewing inside them. Because the moment that unleashes, it’s messy. Listen, I don’t lack spontaneity as a cold person. People with ADHD like myself have an impulse control issues. So, when I say messy, if I let my emotions rule and succumb to that itch for stimulus, oh my gosh. Over time, I learned to accept I have to change things up in life and not always stick to a routine. Individuals with ASD find comfort in routine, which can be seen as discipline when in reality they need the stability to not become overwhelmed. The stability helps with their nervous system. I even have to do a lot of things to help regulate my nervous system or I’ll go crazy as fuck and my body will break down because of it. Therefore, really critically think first on the reasons. Some cold people can be stealthily spontaneous as hell. Outside people are just not going to witness it.

#7. Skepticism and Distrust. “Deep-seated skepticism or distrust toward other’s intentions, which can make them seem guarded or overly cautious (Jensen, 2024).” Anyone with trauma, especially the ones who survived horrendous situations at home, or with someone they trust, is always going to question the intentions of others. Trust must be earned, not given, at this point. Those of us who are survivors will say this, prove your intentions, and let us decide if we consider you a safe person to let into our life. That’s all I have to say about that.

# 8. Reflective and Introspective. “Despite their distant nature, cold people often engage deeply in self-reflection and contemplation, making them insightful and thoughtful, though perhaps overly analytical (Jensen, 2024).” I think people don’t self-reflect enough. To be honest, sometimes being over analytical is because of insecurities. I have to analyze to predict an outcome because I don’t enjoy being surprised in life by anything. I even have a deep insecurity about the future because I want to know, I want the safety of knowing. There’s a sense of wanting control, especially towards my well being. Some of my ex friends would re-run situations repeatedly, especially conversations with people. Trauma can also cause some of us to become people pleasers, especially if we had a narcissistic parent or lived in an abusive household. Personally, I want the path of least friction for my own mental well-being. It’s exhausting. But because I spend a lot of time in solitude because of my artistic personality and empathic nature, I spend a good portion of it reflecting on my mistakes and gain insight to improve. But this, yet again, stems from trauma and a lot of normalized bullshit.

Now about the methods of dealing with someone with a cold personality.

#1. Have An Empathetic and Respectful Approach. That needs to be toward anyone. “Respect their need for space. Listen actively, and engage thoughtfully, showing interest without being overbearing (Jensen, 2024).” This I totally agree with. I said it before, taking actions and actual interest in that person, and keep consistent, it matters. That person has to see first if they can trust you or even rely on you.

#2. Clear and Direct Communication. Oh my gosh, I don’t like it when people are passive with their words and not upfront. I understand some people developed a habit of not saying what they want for certain reasons, such as not being able to ask for things out of fear of being denied it. Also, there’s a fear of rejection and being thought differently of, meaning acceptance. However, I appreciate anyone who gets to the point with me and says what they want, because it gives me the sign to do the same. And I agree with the blogger that it helps build trust and have less misunderstanding. Because believe me, miscommunication sucks.

#3. Recognize and Value Their Independence. “Appreciate their self-sufficiency. Allow them the autonomy they need in tasks and decisions without making them feel isolated or unsupported (Jensen, 2024).” I am gonna be honest; I have issues with receiving help. It’s not something I ask for or expect receiving. As much as self-sufficiency can be a good thing, I understand now because I’ve been working on the root of my cold tendencies to realize it’s exhausting doing things alone. I cultivated self-sufficiency so I wouldn’t feel like I would owe someone. Because with my environment and what I grew up experiencing, most things came at a price, including help. To me, when I ask for help, it’s the equivalent of selling my soul. That’s how much it bothers me. But someone who appreciates the things I do, or even acknowledges that I work hard. I’m going to tell you the truth. At first I didn’t know how to process it. I didn’t even know how to respond to it. Think of it as a foreign concept for someone like me. It’s going to take a while. So, expect them to not react to any compliments at first, but it will slowly chip away, and maybe they will accept it as truth. I know it took me a while to accept the good things people would say about me. Compliments and all.

#4. Build Trust Gradually. “Foster a trustworthy environment (Jensen, 2024).” Oh my gosh, beautiful. “Be consistent and reliable in your actions and commitments(Jensen, 2024).” I one hundred percent agree. That’s all we want. That’s what I want. A safe environment, and we want to trust. Believe me, we deeply want to trust someone. No matter what anyone says, deep down, this is the goal. This is my paradise. “Demonstrate integrity through actions rather than just words (Jensen, 2024).” All of this would thaw out my heart at some point. For me, yes, because I recognized trauma is the root of my cold tendencies. I’ve separated that this is not my nature, and the real me is somewhere under a thick layer of darkness. And only healing and creating a safe environment filled with trusting people will bring that out.

Thank you!

Link to article:

https://www.wecb.fm/8-traits-of-a-cold-person-and-4-effective-ways-to-handle-them/