#there’s something so achingly beautiful about this quote

[behindthesefangirleyes]

“I wish I had met you when I was younger.”

— Nick Nelson, “Heartstopper” (s01e05)

[moonchild701]

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Sacrifice The World (Never You)

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Summary: "A hero would sacrifice you to save the world. But I'm not a hero."

Pairing: Dabi/Hero!Reader, Hawks & Reader are friends

Reader can be read as gen

Content Warning: Angst, Betrayal, Hawks is an ass off screen, SFW, Mild use of Y/N, H/N means Your Hero Name

Word Count: 2.8k

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kohei Horikoshi

A/N: This is for a Weekly Challenge in one of the Communities I'm in here on Tumblr, based on the summary. Tweaked the quote a bit, hope you enjoy! 💖

My Masterlist

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Being the same age as Hawks, and new to the hero scene, you navigated being new heroes together.

Your childhood best friend should be here with you, by your side, being heroes together because it's what you promised, but he'd died years ago in a fire, so now you carry out both your dreams for him too.

You've been friends with Hawks for years, getting to know him only a few months after his debut.

And though you say friends, you will admit that there were some...feelings...at the start, because really, who could blame you? Of course, that crush was quickly snuffed out with him clearly solely focused on the job, with occasional random hookups, and as time went on, it disgusts you to even consider him as anything more.

He's a walking red flag, literally, with those wings, but he's your friend, your first best friend in a long time, and you know he feels the same.

You know he works directly for the Commission, even with his own agency, after they helped him so much, but you've always been wary of them. As a freelance hero, who doesn't take their orders as much as those directly aligned with them or other Hero Agencies would, they don't exactly like you either, especially with how close you are with their golden boy.

And while that isn't really much to be totally wary of them, seeing Hawks' real smile and morals dwindling over the years, is; because it's almost always after he comes back from a sketchy secret mission assigned to him from them.

So of course, you start digging where you shouldn't, because you're worried for your friend, worried for what he's becoming.

You find out that he's been ordered to kill someone, not even a villain, no.

A politician.

They apparently got on the HPSC's bad side, and now Hawks is being ordered to get them out of the picture.

That's the tipping point for you, when you stop trusting them, when you start questioning them more, their ways, their morals, their orders.

And unbeknownst to you, when they start questioning your loyalty.

*****

Recently, Hawks has been....distant. Cagey, in ways he usually wasn't, even when he had the most top secret missions.

Normally, one wouldn't be able to tell the difference, but after knowing him for so long, it's easy to spot.

You find out the reason from an unexpected source.

*****

Dabi knew the bird was a spy from the moment they met.

It was pathetically obvious.

But, well, he thought he could be useful.

Not without doing some background checks of course. Name, birthday, parents, affiliations.

Friends.

It's how he finds out about you, beautiful and achingly familiar, and one of Hawks' closest friends.

He stomps down on the flare of jealousy at that, reminding himself that that boy died years ago on that hill, reminding himself that you probably don't even remember him.

Getting someone to hack into the HPSC files, he further looks into Hawks and his movements, what missions he has, your missions, what they have on you and oh.

He thought he was at the peak of his anger towards Heroes, towards the Commission, towards Society.

He thought that the person he hates most in the world would always be his father.

He finds out that the HPSC president, and perhaps Hawks himself, are competing for that position.

Hawks is absolutely a spy, his mission to infiltrate and eliminate the League clear as day in his files, along with something else that makes his seams smoke with the heat of his anger.

The HPSC president deems you a threat, and has ordered your elimination, with Hawks being the one to carry it out.

Seething, he combs through their files, finding and collecting more and more information on the HPSC, and even then, he honestly doesn't know which one of their crimes you know about, which one has you suspected, has them wanting to silence you.

There's so many, it could be anything.

And then, he finds your file.

There are notes about your 'drifting loyalties', notes about what information they suspect you know, your schedule, and then...

The order for your assassination, along with the date and location they expect it to happen.

The very system and people that you've devoted your life to are the ones that would dare betray you, betray your trust; would try to abandon you, throwing you away like trash.

He refuses to sit back and let the best thing that's ever happened to him get snuffed out and tossed away like trash.

And hey, maybe you'd like the idea of becoming villains together instead.

*****

When you get home from a long patrol, all you want to do is shower, eat and sleep like the dead.

Those plans go out the window the moment you step foot into your apartment and feel someone is there.

You scan the dark room silently, not seeing anything at first. Then, a flicker of light; a small flame shines in the darkness, lighting up the features of a man on your couch.

Yes, a flame.

A blue flame.

Blue flames that are hauntingly familiar for multiple reasons, but one of those reasons is literally dead, so the remaining ones are terrifying.

The villain Dabi is sitting on your couch, so very casually, as he plays with the licks of fire between his fingers, the light of it illuminating his features eerily, casting shadows and making his eyes seem to glow as they stare at you.

A bead of sweat trickles down the side of your head.

Yes, you are a hero, a damn good one, at that.

That doesn't mean you're prepared to fight the A-rank villain, tired and alone, in an enclosed area, within a populated apartment building.

You swallow thickly, reminding yourself that you need to be calm.

Seeing as he already knows you're there, you flick on the lights.

"Dabi. What do you want?" You try to keep your voice steady and the tremor out of it as you speak, and you don't know if you succeed, as you slowly walk forward.

"Well hello to you too, H/N." He says sarcastically, his voice smoky and deep,

"Come sit, yeah? We need to have a lil chat."

Before you can think about it, you scoff, glaring at him warily. "And what could we, possibly have to talk about?"

Huffing a dry laugh, he raises his hand, waving a folder. "Sit and you'll find out."

This is such a bad idea, but honestly, what choice do you have?

Taking a deep breath, you steel yourself, sitting on the opposite side.

For a moment, he doesn't say anything, just staring at you, making you start to get more and more nervous and impatient.

Just as you were about to snap, you hear him murmur softly, almost sadly, "You really don't recognize me, huh?"

Taken aback, you stutter, "W-What?"

Running his fingers through his midnight hair, he mutters, "Well, I was hoping that you of all people would recognize your best friend, Y/N."

Azure eyes lock onto your wide ones as you freeze in place.

You've only had two best friends all your life, and one is dead.

Though, you never truly accepted that, did you?

Your hands shake, tears blurring your vision as you look at the man in front of you. Really look at him.

At the scars in some specific places, some from burns, some not.

At the way he taps his foot nervously.

At those blue eyes, the same color as Endeavor's, yet so different, so pretty, so achingly familiar.

When you take a closer look at his dark hair, and you can see white roots peaking out, that's what bursts the dam.

"Touya?" Your voice is fragile as you ask tentatively, hopefully; a small tremor in your voice as you gaze at him with teary eyes, and Dabi feels his heart crack.

"Yeah, Doll, it's me." He breathes, opening arms because he knows what's coming. And he's right, as you lunge forward, tackling him in a hug as you sob into his shoulder. He grips you just as tight, burying his face in your hair, hugging you tightly. And oh, how you missed his hugs, completely engulfing you in that comforting warmth.

You sob and scream at him, words muffled by his shoulder, but he just holds you through it.

And when you're done, minutes or hours later, you pull back, sitting next to him.

You need answers.

"What the fuck, Touya?" Your voice is croaky and broken from all the crying, and he chuckles lightly as he wipes away the lingering tears.

"I go by Dabi now." There's a shit eating grin threatening to be released but he manages to hold it in to spare himself of your wrath.

You glare at him through glossy eyes, biting out, "Yeah, no shit. Explain."

He sighs, thumb caressing your cheekbone as he avoids your eyes. "I'll explain everything another day. Right now, I need you to read this." He pulls back, reaching for the folder you completely forgot about, and hands it to you.

You look at him with furrowed brows as you open it, before looking down to read.

You fall silent as you read, breathing picking up as the papers crinkle in your tight grip.

"Touya, where'd you find this?" You whisper shakily, eyes flicking back up to him.

"....You know where." His voice is gentle, and somehow that makes it worse.

You swallow around the lump in your throat as you stare back down at the orders written for your winged best friend to kill you.

He wouldn't.

Would he?

You know him to be loyal to the Commission, to the president, but you also know him to be a loyal friend.

Taking a deep breath, you let it out slowly.

You'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

When you say this, of course, Dabi isn't pleased.

"And what if he actually tries to kill you? You know how much of a lap dog he is." He says through gritted teeth, trying to control his anger at the thought of you even being near Hawks.

"I....he's my friend, Tou....has been for years....I have to believe I mean more to him than an order." You try to convince yourself that you absolutely trust that he wouldn't go through with this, would warn you at the very least.

Touya scoffs in disbelief, looking at your like you're stupid, before sighing in resignation. "Okay...if that's what you want. But if he tries, or if you just change your mind, call me." He slips you a piece of paper, presumably with his number on it. "I missed ya, so if you want, you can join me in the League. They'd love you."

You sputter in surprise, looking at him with wide, incredulous eyes. "I'm a hero, Dabi."

He looks at you flatly. "Yeah, but for how long until they either kill you or revoke your license? They want to get rid of you, Y/N. Because you know they're corrupt. So, we'll just take them down."

You're on the verge of crying again, and  he could see it.

"We couldn't be heroes together, so how 'bout villains?" His smile is cheeky but genuine as he tries to lighten the mood, softening when it works, as you choke out a wet laugh.

"Just, think about, yeah?" Leaning in, he presses a soft kiss to your forehead and you feel yourself flush with warmth.

With that, he leaves the way he apparently entered. Through the window, down the fire escape.

Left alone with your thoughts, you doubt you'd get any sleep tonight.

*****

Every day since then, you've been withdrawing as much money from your account as you can without seeming suspicious, transferring the rest to another account; and with a go bag packed and ready for the worst case scenario, you stew in your anxiety as the days go by.

The date of your scheduled assassination is tomorrow, and you've yet to speak to Hawks.

You tell yourself that it's normal, because it is; you've had longer periods of time than this of not speaking to each other with the cluttered messes that are your schedules.

What isn't normal, is that if he was going to say anything, he would've by now.

You can't exactly just ask Hawks about it, as you have no way of explaining how you know, and no way of truly knowing that he wouldn't just kill you on the spot.

Because as much as you like and trust him as a friend, you've never felt that the feeling is as mutual. Like, sure he likes you enough as a friend, but would he go against orders from the HPSC for you?

You don't know, and that scares you.

So you do all you can at the moment, without outright running.

You wait.

If he tries to contact you, trying to get you to go to that specified spot tomorrow, you'll know, and you'll already have a way out with Dabi and the League; because otherwise, the truth is, there's no future for you.

Because even if you survive this, you'd have to go into hiding anyway, or they'll just try again, or ruin your life, revoking your license, everything, or just straight up frame you and toss you into Tartarus, throwing away the key.

So many bad outcomes.

Yet, naively, you hope.

*****

Then, you get a text from Hawks, asking you to hang out tomorrow, at the location.

And your heart cracks, because someone you care about, someone you trusted, has decided that your life is worth less than their job or morals.

And then you get angry.

*****

You quickly gather your things, all of your necessities packed and ready to go in a duffel bag and backpack, and contact Dabi for pickup on a burner phone.

And as the swirling portal opens up in your living room, you send off one last text to Hawks, replying with a short "Fuck you :)", on your personal phone of course, before dropping it into the prepared glass of acid, so they can't get anything off of it or track you, right next to the files Dabi gave you, and stepping through the mist.

Straight into Dabi's waiting arms.

*****

After meeting the League, you decide that you already like them, though wish you met under better circumstances.

Such as one of your best friends decidedly not trying to kill you.

For the corrupt government, no less!

And through all of the blazing anger and newfound hatred, when it's just you and Dabi left, you cry.

He softly cups your face in his scarred hands, gently tilting your head up to hold your gaze as he wipes away your tears. "The heroes would dare make a martyr of you, sacrifice you and throw you away like trash for this fucked up world." He says lowly, voice trembling with the anger that burns like small suns in his azure eyes. He leans in closer, warm breath hitting your lips, murmuring, "But I'm no hero, doll. I'd raze the world if it meant you'd be warm." His words drip with reverence, eyes blazing with the truth of his words, and you tremble where you stand.

Because as a hero, the threat and promise of such violence should horrify you.

But as just a person, who's never known true loyalty shown to you in so long, who's been betrayed and abandoned by all those you've loved and trusted, in the past and recently, being shown such devotion, no matter how tainted, how violent, by the one person you've always loved most, it is irristibly bewitching.

And before you know it, you're pulling him down into a bruising kiss, breathing out all of your doubts and worries, and he swallows them all down with a sigh of contentment, sliding one hand from your cheek, down to your waist, pulling you in closer.

To anyone else, you'd seem foolish to put any amount of trust in a villain of all people, after being burned by betrayal so many times by people they'd deem 'better'.

But they've all let you down, and Touya, Dabi, is not them, so why not try the other side?

It's a sacrifice you're actually willing to make this time.

Pulling back, you whisper against his mismatched lips.

"Let's raze everything."

His answering grin is feral and bright, and worth the sacrifice that is the world.

The very world that made the mistake of throwing you both away.

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[qqueenofhades]

Hello! I think your blog title is absolutely lovely (do flowers go down to the realm of the dead?) and I’d like to ask if that’s a quote of your own or if it’s from something else? It’s such a beautiful quote either way!

It's actually a quote from a late-medieval (15th century) Aztec philosopher-king named Nezahualcoyotl. As I first encountered it:

"Truly do we live on Earth?" asked a poem or song attributed to Nezahualcoyotl (1402-72), a founding figure in Mesoamerican thought and the tlatoani of Texcoco, one of the other two members of the Triple Alliance. His lyric, among the most famous in the Nahuatl canon, answers its own question: Not forever on earth; only a little while here. Be it jade, it shatters. Be it gold, it breaks. Be it a quetzal feather, it tears apart. Not forever on earth; only a little while here. In another verse assigned to Nezahualcoyotl this theme emerged even more baldly: Like a painting, we will be erased. Like a flower, we will dry up here on earth. Like plumed vestments of the precious bird, That precious bird with the agile neck, We will come to an end. Contemplating mortality, thinkers in many cultures have drawn solace from the prospect of life after death. This consolation was denied to the Mexica [Aztec], who were agonizingly uncertain about what happened to the soul. "Do flowers go to the region of the dead?" Nezahualcoyotl asked. "In the Beyond, are we still dead or do we live?" Many if not most tlamantine saw existence as Nabokov feared: "a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness." -- Charles Mann, 1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus (New York: Vintage Books, 2011), p. 138.

This quote hit me in the heart the first time I read it, as a lovely and achingly poignant question on the nature of eternity, especially since it came from a member of a world and a culture scoured totally out of existence by the conquering, colonizing Spaniards. It is a timeless impulse to wonder whether loved ones are ever truly gone, if beautiful things survive after we have lost them, if they go on existing somewhere, even when we can no longer see or touch them. Astute and/or comprehensive readers may know that this quote is directly referenced in both a Sandman and a Shadow and Bone fic of mine, so yes.

[toweroftickles]

re: cloud atlas, surely yellowface is bad no matter what

Well, generally speaking, yes, of course, but I don't think this is exactly that. I sincerely apologize to anyone on this blog who I offended with my post about "Cloud Atlas;" please let me explain if you're unfamiliar.

If it makes you feel any better, here are pictures from the same movie of Halle Berry (a black actress) and Xun Zhou (a Chinese actress) portraying blonde white women.

There's also another instance of an Asian actor playing a white character that I very much don't want to spoil for those who haven't seen it.

The central storytelling concept behind "Cloud Atlas" is reincarnation. Each actor plays a singular soul, essentially one character, that is reborn in different eras, places, cultures, and bodies across six smaller interlocking stories. And we, the audience, see how they evolve, and how their choices and their stories echo throughout the centuries in ways big and small. To quote the movie itself:

"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others...past, and present. And by each crime, and every kindness, we birth our future."

Doona Bae (a Korean actress, one of the film's six lead roles) alongside Halle Berry (a black actress playing an old Korean man). No really, that's her. The makeup is fucking incredible, if you haven't noticed.

The idea of actors playing multiple ethnicities is central to movie's thesis. It's not just white people; "Cloud Atlas" has a very diverse cast and all of them share in this process. Men play women, women play men, Asians play Mexicans, black actors play Indians, white people play Koreans and vice versa, and Hugh Grant plays a cannibal. Essentially, everyone plays everyone. And if we aren't able to recognize these actors in those roles, the impact of the story is completely lost.

I don't think this is like John Wayne putting on awful slanted-eye makeup to play Genghis Khan; there's a specific purpose here that only works with an ambitious narrative of this size and scope. It's about connections that shatter the boundaries of time and space, beyond borders of race and sex. It's easy to dismiss that as drug-induced New-Agey hokum (I certainly don't believe in reincarnation IRL), but to be offended by the prosthetics, in my opinion, is to miss the point entirely. And incidentally, the only people that I've ever seen upset by this movie (so far) have all been white.

"Cloud Atlas" is an achingly beautiful and poignant film of endless imagination that doesn't deserve to be forgotten alongside the dreary garbage heap of Oscar-bait, and I'd encourage everyone to watch before judging too harshly.

Sorry for going off on a tangent to extol this movie's virtues! XD But this is something that's very important to me, and I really don't want anyone to believe that I'm the type of person who finds yellowface or minstrel shows funny. Jimmy Kimmel can get fucked.

[giftedpoison]

Y'all.

So like I'm absolutely unhinged and can never like something a normal amount.

Like ever.

But I got a job stage managering for a Renaissance faire near me in the summer. And also they asked me to help with a weekend event where I will be stage managering for a bunch of bands.

Sick right?

And like I've never done anything like this before. (And therefore no idea if I'm gonna enjoy it but I'm convinced that stage managering is actually my divine calling of sorts- specially for musicians but not limited to there. Which is mostly because it feels like something clicked into place. Like it feels right this feels like something I should be pursuing.)

But because I'm an academic with a hatred for the confines of real schooling at heart, I started doing research about what a stage manager should know (not to prepare for the jobs which are expecting me to be completely green) and the thing about a stage manager is they should have an understanding of all aspects of things that go into live performances.

So a music stage manager will understand the needs of a vocalist or an instrumentalist or the tech people as equally as possible and so forth.

And a theatre stage manager should comprehend actors needs, lighting needs, director needs, etc etc.

And as someone who has been in music and theatre most of my younger years less so since high school (couldn't keep up with my peers major L) I'm not completely alien to the world. (In fact I always say my first two loves were the written word and the performing arts) (plus I once went the trajectory of trying to become fight director back in 2020 which led to lots of research of that field shocker.)

ANYWAY

Now I'm like actively absorbing all the books I can find that has anything to do with film, theatre, and music.

And am currently reading Drama High by Michael Sokolove and The Music Never Stops by Peter Shapiro.

And I have a running list of documentaries to watch about different histories of music (specifically ones I'm less familiar with like blues and hip hop and opera but not limited)

And I'm trying to get back into practicing martial arts on my own.

And I have shows I want to see and events I want to go to.

BUT THESE BOOKS IM READING MAN. They get it.

Reading Drama High is so wild because I'm learning about these kids who would otherwise be mostly unknown other than this book and I just feel so deeply connected to them.

Courtney Meyers has my whole heart from that book. Like this quote about her "Taking the job at Georgine's felt like a death sentence. But theater is not an escape. In some ways, it is the opposite of that- it brings her closer to the true self she thinks she might be, or could become."

Georgine's is a diner that her mother and grandmother works at so she felt destined to repeat that. And as someone who also came from a small town and felt like I had nothing going for me and that I was doomed to job hop retail jobs like my parents and never quite get by enough? It resonated with me. It also resonated with me about her feelings on theater. Like music, writing, and theatre sure was a form of escapism but it was also always a form of self expression a way to pull out pieces of myself from the written word and look at my own reflection.

Even growing up id always want to play angry or villainous characters (to this day I think about how my theatre teacher passed me over for Morgana in sleeping beauty to give it to my twin who hated it, in 5th grade) because I wanted a safe space to express all this anger I had at a world that refused to listen. But not only that the confusion I had. The world was so achingly confusing and social cues confused me and the written word helped me try to unravel this confusion.

And don't even get me started on music. When I am in a venue listening to a band suddenly nothing else matters. When I am surrounded by people actively pursuing music I have both feelings of inadequacies but also at home.

When I see a concert I don't want them to perform to me like it's their job- I want to see you having fun and enjoying it even if you've been doing it for 20 years (I really see Ice Nine Kills as a shining example of this, but they are one of thousands however they are my only core experience as they are like one of few bands I've seen multiple times. And even tho it's clearly a performance as we get (fake!)killings on stage it's also for the love of horror and for the love of song. It has to be or they wouldn't be rocking the horror world with their very own convention that could very well be the next Spookyworld. If you're curious what I mean here's my review of their last convention where I explain that very concept.)

Theatre and Music are two loves I have that feel equal parts untouchable while also constantly being all around me.

And I don't know where I was going with this but I guess consider this the ramblings of someone in love with the arts who fears the arts will never love her back but she keeps trying to find her place anyway.

[songliili]

Year in Review: Favorite Lines

thanks to @littlemisskittentoes and @rockyroadkylers for tagging me in this game!!

RULES: simply share your top three/top five/however many favorite snippet(s)/line/quotes/paragraphs from your published fics (or wips) and don't forget to share the link!

i had to re-read some stuff very quick cause i didn't remember any lines that stood out but for some i knew immediately what i'd paste here lmao. let's dive in.

from I Had Some Time (With You):

chapter 2:

Castiel is something new, something beautiful.  Castiel is something that should be preserved, and Dean… He’s trying to save something - himself, the food he grows, the animals he cares for - but he’s not sure he can preserve Castiel and not ruin him. Dean wouldn’t know how to do it in the first place, but all of a sudden he doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

from chapter 6:

Claire is alone, in a house that she doesn’t know, trapped inside with the ghost of an uncle she’s never met.

from we all have a hunger:

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Nora rolls her eyes, “Our food is there and I’m starving!” “Jesus, Nora. I fed you giant burritos and a fuckton of guacamole and chips!” Alex laughs. “You're bottomless!” “That was lunch. And besides, my bottom is at home, waiting for me. With food.” She smirks as Alex grimaces, “I fucking hate you.” 

from Fill My Stocking:

He's achingly beautiful, with a halo of dark curls spilling on the white pillows, with his lips red and kiss-bitten, with his chocolate eyes glazed over by lust and love and pure desire. Henry has had many moments in which he thought he couldn't love Alex more. Henry has loved Alex when he stormed Kensington, has loved his righteous fury and his indomitable love.  Henry has loved Alex when he gave his first blowjob, has loved his enthusiasm and how clearly he had wanted to do it right.  Henry has loved Alex every time he took David out for his walk on cold mornings and colder evenings, despite grumbling about it.  Henry has loved Alex when, last year, he managed to surprise Henry with his sister and his mother flying in for Christmas lunch, Sandringham be damned.  Henry has loved Alex every day until now. Henry will love Alex every day until he dies. There are many more, and listing them would take too much time, but one thing that a good number of those moments have in common is that they washed over him when Alex looked like this, lost in the pleasure that Henry is giving him.  It's addicting, a little intoxicating, to know that this beautiful, gorgeous man will give Henry this honour. He'll always give Alex everything he wants, and if it means edging himself until Alex is satisfied, well… It could go so much worse.

i think that's it. i'm sure there are more lines that i wrote and thought i was a genius, but alas my memory is shit lmao

i wonder next year what lines i'll be proud of having written. we'll see i suppose!

tagging: @read-and-write-, @inexplicablymine, @affectionatelyrs, @firenati0n, @anincompletelist, @leojfitz, @cactusdragon517, @ssmtskw, @happiness-of-the-pursuit, @gayrootvegetable and anyone else who wants to play!

[philoslug]

i know it's such a meme statement now but i legitmately do think about

"one must imagine sisyphus happy"

frequently. i think about it when i wash dishes. when i drive. when i make a cup of coffee. are any of these tasks pointless or meaningless as the sisphean task? no. but they're tasks we all do that feel a part of a mundanity of life. i think about these tasks in relation to romance in particular. oftentimes in media portraying the intricacies of love (especially fanfiction), the mundanity of romance is undersold.

romance that gets views or edits on tiktok is the love that is for a lack of a better word: fleeting. courtship is temporary. the excitement of getting to know someone is finite. there's only so many times you can kiss someone with a "new" feeling about it. this is not to take a jab at this period of romance of course. it's compelling. it's addictive. it's beautiful.

yet, achingly so in a way, we all long for a deeper connection.

instead of late nights on the phone or out on the town, it turns into something else. maybe not as glamorous nor as stereotypically beautiful as the first few weeks of romance. but in a way, maybe unconventionally so, it becomes a certain romance.

it becomes the taxes and laundry. roses turn into morning coffees. lace becomes unperfumed sweat. it all becomes so different but i would say much more beautiful. there's a beauty to truly knowing a person. to know their soul and body almost as well as you know your own.

so, ultimately how does this all tie into the first quote i brought up by camus. i think the mundane, average tasks we perform in our day to day lives should not be undersold. it should not be undercut or underestimated as a part of the romance of life. it’s a times one of the sole unifying parts of humanity. it’s almost ancient in a way how some things persist. we still use water to wash dishes. we still use dishes. we have all needed to eat at some point. i’m not one to feel all emotional over humanity but it is such a beautiful idea to feel connected to other people through appreciation of the mundane of life. the same sun that basks on my skin was the same sun that smiled on countless other people day and years long before i existed. the mundanity of life is how we get to this deeper connection that is almost archetypal. to sit in comfortable silence. to clean up vomit. to watch tv and read books simulataously. 

it’s a romance in and of itself in a way. 

[piaoza]

the invisible life of addie larue

there are just some books that remind you of why you love to read. the kind that give you a story you could get lost in, a plot so magical and enticing, a writing-style so clever and achingly beautiful. characters you grow to love endlessly, over time. and you find yourself slowly caving in, leaning into the book, not wanting it to end, hoping to hold on for longer. 

the invisible life of addie larue is one of these books. an impeccable mix of fantasy, romance, and adventure. it has thrill, it has excitement, it has twists and turns. but it also provides you with this comfort, the kind you find in the books with the most thought-provoking and eye-opening quotes. in its own subtle ways, it tells you about the beauty of life. and aren’t these novels the kind that take your breath away? the kind that can provide you with an irresistible magic so characteristic to fiction, but also ground you to a beautiful reality, that you return to feeling refreshed and joyful? 

it’s about a girl who makes a deal with the darkness, with the wrong god. the way their complex relationship unfolds is so well-put together, the way she thinks the god is human only ‘cause he poses as one, acts like one, so many times, and it feels so real, because you feel yourself slipping into the suave ways of the devil along with her, the irresistible passion almost tangible. 

and then, when she really falls in love with a human, it is held in such stark difference to her absurd story with the devil. because with him, it was all about the passion, the thrill. and with Henry, it is all about comfort, and content and surety, and the messiness in the quiet beauty of love. and what i loved best was that she acknowledges both sides of romance - the dark, dangerous, alluring one, and the subtle, content, warm one. because at the end, she accepts that love is absolutely messy, and never perfect, and that’s perhaps the best way to describe it. 

what i loved most about the book is that it shows the truth about art and artists. it unfolds the beauty of embedding yourself into art and making it a way to be remembered and leaving your mark. the author writes about the glint in an artist’s eye when inspiration strikes, and i loved those parts the best. they always made me smile, and reminded myself of the poet in me. those times, i could see myself mirrored in the pages of the book. i really fell in love with the novel a little more every time it made me relate to it, and described art in its absolutely beautiful ways.

and another thing you learn from Addie LaRue, a girl who’s lived a few centuries, is how to value life. so many quotes in the novel point to that, how she never regrets making her deal with immortality, how there’s always beauty and magic in the world that can floor you. you can always find something you’ve never seen before, and the world will never cease to take your breath away, and i think that idea was transcribed so well into the novel. 

what i can say with absolute certainty is that you will fall in love with Addie LaRue. every time the author talks about her, about her stubbornness, about her dreamer’s soul, about her ambition and her strength and her defiance and resilience, about her ability to never stop marveling at every new, little wonder the world washes up at her feet. you will love her the way everyone in the book has, she will be your muse even if you aren’t an artist. she has a way to imbibe herself into your memory. you will always remember the constellation across her cheek, you will picture her smile and her laugh and the dreamer’s defiance in her eyes like she’s right before you. you will always remember addie larue.

i cannot say this book is for everyone, because it isn’t. not everyone can stick with a 541-page long story, which can be pretty slow-paced at times as it switches between timelines. and that’s okay. it doesn’t have to be for everyone for it to be absolutely amazing. it doesn’t have to be a 5-star read for everyone - just a handful of us loving readers will do, to forever capture addie larue in the history of books. 

this novel is a lot of things at once. it can be a wonderful teacher, an eye-opener with its beautiful quotes that give you such a fresh perspective on life when you need it. it can be a friend who tells you a joke or two, or in this case, a magical story or two, when you really need to forget about your life for a minute, when you need to catch your breath. it gives you the thrill of fantasy, the cozy comfort in a gentle romance, as well as the rollercoaster ride of tales of passion and adventure. you can picture it in your head like a movie, a unique mix of genres, keeping your eyes glued to the page, to the screen. 

but most of all, ‘the invisible life of addie larue’ a story that is meant to be remembered, a life told in memories and flashbacks and works of art as well as their muses. 

it’s going on a list of my favourites right this second. because if you love it as much as i did, you’ll never forget the magic and beauty of addie larue. 

[linda-with-an-i]

MURRAY GOLD TOP 10 DOCTOR WHO SOUNTRACKS.

Just a Murray Gold appreciation post. He has left us so many memorable pieces and unforgettable moments that it's almost impossible to choose, and I feel that we owe part of the revival series's success to his truly iconic soundtracks. (Also... Segun Akinola's work is just as incredible and he's criminally underrated.)

Disclaimer: this is my personal list, with my personal preferences. I don't really understand anything about music, nor I am familiar with the most 'technical aspects' of music. Since I couldn't pick an absolute favourite, the list follows a chronological release order. Also, sorry for any typos.

ROSE'S THEME

A sweet and lovely score, and it perfectly represented Rose Tyler. I won't lie, I probably put this track in my top 10 because it makes me feel very nostalgic, but after all music's all about emotions and memories, and Rose's theme makes me live some beautiful memories all over again. I will especially never forget the moment I first saw the Doctor and Rose reunited in the Stolen Earth, and this music started: it felt like i had come home, and it was beautiful.

MADAME DE POMPADOUR

Such a beautiful, yet achingly sad piece of music. You really can feel the admiration that Reinette felt for the doctor, and the tragedy of her story: the impossible love for an impossible man. It breaks your heart in all the good ways.

THE IMPOSSIBLE PLANET

This piece of music is so spooky and eerie, it gives me the shivers every time I hear it, and it's the perfect music for the episode. I wish Gold had made more tracks like this. Also, the ending of the piece is truly beautiful, and when it comes up in THAT SCENE in Doomsday it's impossible not to get emotional.

THE DOCTOR'S THEME

Literal chills. I think it perfectly fits the character of the Doctor: it gives a sense of something ancient, wise, and beyond understanding, but at the same time it has heroic undertones, a sense of something that will protect you. The best way to describe this score (and the doctor) is Tim Latimer's quote: "He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever. He burns at the center of time and he can see the turn of the universe. And... he's wonderful."

THE GREATEST STORY NEVER TOLD

Wow, what an amazing soul-stirring rollercoaster this track is. Both Silence in the library and Forest of the dead have a brilliant soundtrack, and this score is the most fitting culmination of it all. Murray Gold has often the beautiful ability to write music who brings the listener on an emotional journey, and this track is the best example of it.

MIDNIGHT

The epitome of a god tier horror soundtrack IMO. It's the perfect musical representation of evil;  something unrelentless, looming, dark and very very dangerous. This track is supposed to make you feel in distress from the first note till the last one, and is very good at its job.

A PRESSING NEED TO SAVE THE WORLD

There's a sense of adventure, fun, heroics, danger, and basically chaos. This track is the perfect blend of different themes that may not get along well, but Murray Gold found the perfect balance to them all. Bonus points for being the music used when 13 is being thrown out of the tardis right after regenerating. Underrated AF.

THE MAJESTIC TALE (OF A MADMAN IN A BOX)

Maybe the most superhero-esque track from any DW soundtrack ever; the title says it all. Sure, it's very bombastic, but oh boy, the way it carries and elevates the most heroic, action-packed, glorious moments of the show is just *chef's kiss*.

THE WEDDING OF RIVER SONG

Gold's genious can be easily seen (well, actually heard) here: the way he weaves the bridal march into the music is iconic, and the whole score is hauntigly charming. Speaking of times I will never forget: how can anyone top the moment in the 50th anniversary, when you hear Tom Baker's voice and this music starts? Unforgettable and truly spine-tingling.

THE SHEPERD'S BOY

One of the most iconic 12th doctor era scores. I absolutely adore how Gold re-arranged a piece of music that he wrote for the 50th anniversary and used it one of the most mind-blowing scenes of all time. Whenever you feel a bit down, listen to this piece and you'll feel like nothing can stop you, not even a wall of Azbantium.

PS. Choosing only 10 soundtracks was incredibly hard. I think another top 10 might be on its way🙈

[prettyboykatsuki]

ari. i just read “a glimpse of us” and— ari.

HOW DO YOU DO IT SO EFFORTLESSLY? SO FLAWLESSLY? HOWWWWW THE EMOTIONS I FEEL AFTER READING THIS. I CANT. YOURE—you’re so good 😫 toooooo good.

your readers are always so relatable, esp to me and i love that 🥹 the way you write emotion is so raw and so achingly beautiful. i swear i’ve said this before, but i would greedily inhale anything and everything you make just because it’s you. like the way you write is pure magic to me, truly and wholly. it speaks to me. your words are so captivating and i simply love the pure thought of you. <3 thanks for all that you do, thanks for pouring your love into everything. i feel it 🤍 and it’s returned!!!! i see u. n i love u! so much!!!

OKAY. THE PART W IZUKU AND READER??? IT WAS SO SAD OMGGGG IZUKU IS SO DEVASTATING AT TIMES 😭 like he says he always sees kachan in u…. 💔💔 WHY DID HE SHATTER OUR HEART. LIKE THAT. and that’s so izuku— like he says things that hurt but he doesn’t do it on purpose, he’s an honest being to his core he can’t help it!!! and like you capture that so well!!!! AND HE CRIED AS SOON AS HE SAW READER. he cried from being called midoriya instead. i—he’s so cute i love heem. he is dangerous yes yes. ur so so right 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 u write him so GOOD i’m side eyeing 👀 horikoshi RN

AND ARI???? THE WAY YOU MADE ME A FULL ON KATSUKI LOVER??? I ALR LIKE HIM BUT THIS FIC MADE ME LOVE HIM SO MUCH MORE LIKE???? IM AN IZU GIRL BUT NOW IM A KATSUKI GIRL TOO. the constant “sweetheart” oh. OH. and the teasing and just him as a whole in this story😍 hi katsukiiii *twirls hair* LOL he would be so annoyed. i wanna ruffle his feathers i wanna bite his cheeks with affection i wanna kiss all over his face i wanna bother him so much i shall never leave him alone NEVER. he will never know of peace again. when he was sucking izu off but making out w reader at the same time… i kid you not… i almost blacked out from the image i conjured in my head. i almost ascended. vecna almost got to me dawg 😭😭😭

OMG thank u for writing a poly relationship where the two male characters actually KISS AND SHOW AFFECTION to each other, not just the reader 🥹 there’s literally not. enough. of. that. thank u ari i’m giving u a big smooch!!!! im so sorry for screeching in your inbox like this, but i had to tell you. I HAD TOO 😭😫 U ARE MY FAVORITE. one thing abt me? i’m gonna tell ari every time their shit SLAPS . ARI ATE DOWNNNNNNNN. if you ever published a book one day, it’d probably be the most beautiful book i’d ever read. and i’d probably get so many quotes from it tatted on me. i would buy three thousand copies!!! have a good day beloved <3

anon........

anon im kissing your ring like the godfather. i am kneeling at your feet in gratitude. this was such a NICE and unexpected ask i will actualy pass away and DIE i don't even know what to say. getting these like... full page reviews of my fics. i dont even know what to say sometimes HEJHDKKJS IT'S SO OVERWHELMING IN THE BEST WAY!!!!!! THIS MADE MY ENTIRE AFTERNOON I AM GOING TO THINK ABOUT IT ALL FREAKING DAY!!!! I DO NOT DESERVE U AT ALL!!!!!!! i love you so dearly i genuinely could not express myself to u more rn

IM REALLY GLAD MY READERS ARE RELATABLE. i think in a way we are all very similar so i try to write characters in long fics that have relatable motivations and drives even if they;re not personally u know. and i try to give the flaws and stuff too and grievances. THE PART W IZUKU AND WRITING IT WAS ALSO VERY SAD FOR ME.... IDK SOMETHING ABOUT HIM IS JUST VERY SOPPING WET AND SOB WORTHY.

ALSOOOOOO. welcome to team katsuki hello wtf!!!!! that's HUGE news baby. HUGE. SWEETHEART IS THE MOST BKG NICKNAME EVER. and trust me when i say writing the scene where reader and bkg made out over dekus dick also killed me dead i had to take breakes. the image was overwhelming.

AND IM GLAD!! i dont really like. like poly fics where they all arent super in love with each other and i am such a bkdk fan it was impossible to write any other way.

PLEASE NEVER BE SORRY FOR YOUR THOUGHTFULNESS . I AM SO ETERNALLY GRATEFUL I COULD EAT U UP. I LOVE U!!!!!!!

[beth-march]

hi, i hope you're well:) just read your update and god the voice you give him! i wish i could forget all i read from the chapter so i could be filled again, in the same way, by the softness of it. really, it's tender and sweet enough to be aching but in a good way. love how you build their relationship. to me, it's compelling and captivating not exactly bc the love story they're walking to but ugh they fit so well. not the aesthetic that makes easy to apply so many tropes to them, but how they show themselves through love. i think they are creatures of love and care, and it makes me scream how the relationships they build earlier in the show (and even through the season 2) are founded in a non-romantic type of love. so i don't if misunderstand the way you write them but damn is so good how is some type of recognizing ("what they share, the burdens they carry, have been what has brought them together"). they move naturally towards each other, so it seems to be also natural that they move together once they find each other. and it's a delight to read they being already in this in-between type of place. again, they fit so well that i can only quote yourself, when your fez says that "He even knows that the term [friends] isn’t enough for them. It isn’t big enough, it isn’t deep enough". they were already in the middle, not exactly rushing into a romantic relationship but being past this early state where you build trust and etc (and on a side note, reading him yearning to hold her hand reminded me of the kafka's letter where he describes the moments where he held felice's hand (to hold is what hands are for), saying that this because indispensable to his life. i love how simple moments like this hold such significance, builds and streghtens another type of intimacy (again, so captivating it makes internally scream and kick my feet in the air like a fucking lunatic)).

so after this whole oversharing i just want to say that you are a fucking G. thank you so much for sharing such beautiful writing with us :)

I am always so thrilled to receive long reviews like this! Eeek! Surest way to my heart.

Achingly tender is absolutely how I think of Fez and Lexi, so I'm so happy that it's coming through in my fic.

This story is kind of a fast burn, like they're going to be together by Chapter 5, but I'm glad to hear that the building of their relationship is enjoyable, so far. I completely agree - they have so much in common, in the careful, abundant way that they love, and it's never reciprocal for them, until they've found each other. It's so much of the appeal of them, IMO. I love that they weren't romantic straight off the bat, I think there's something so reminiscent of soulmates about it, about being on the periphery of each other's lives, being joined by friends, but not fully knowing each other until that fateful party where they collide by accident.

No, you haven't misunderstood! The premise of this fic is really that they're trauma bonding over Rue's overdose, because I think they would be impacted by it in similar ways. They both felt responsible for it happening and they both love Rue so much. So it's like they're sharing that burden together, alongside all of their other burdens, as they get to know each other better. I think once they start talking, they don't stop - as was shown in canon! - but in this particular universe, it will be much quicker to become explicitly romantic. They're just drawn to one another, like you say. Which, definitely puts them in a place beyond simple friendship, it's something more, something deeper, as you demonstrated with that quote. They already have comfort and trust but there's still some hesitance.

I haven't read much Kafka but I adore that quote. I'm making an executive decision, I'm changing the chapter title to use it! Thank you for bringing my attention to that, it's so beautiful. You know Fez just really wants to touch Lexi all the time... he'd be very tactile, I think.

I've discovered that being called a fucking G is perhaps one of the best feelings in the world, so thank you very much for providing that. Like, me?!?! Oh my gosh. Thanks so much for your ask <3

[instantvoid---microwaveable]

 If my future soulmate doesn’t hold me as loved-one + respected-mentor + admired-historical-figure + religious-leader + literal-jesus = they love me more then all of these combined then I will send them to war for a year or two and hope they turn into Wilfred Owen.

No but fr Wilfred Owen’s love letters are something everyone needs to learn about. Lemme give you some quick context.

Lived during WW1, English, Enlisted young, met Siegfried Sassoon in a War hospital

Became a famous war poet, hero-worshipped Sassoon, and started writing letters to him from the warfront, the ones that we will cover here

Died November 4th 1918, tragically, literal days before the end of the war

The passage I referenced in the beginning goes like this:

‘I held you as Keats + Christ + Elijah + my Colonel + my father-confessor + Amenophis IV in profile. What's that mathematically? In effect it is this: that I love you, dispassionately, so much, so very much, dear Fellow, that the blasting little smile you wear on reading this can't hurt me in the least. ‘

Yes I know. I’m going right in with a solid punch to the heart. I’ve never before or since seen a line such as this, for further explanation, one of the next lines of the letter:

If you consider what the above Names have severally done for me, you will know what you are doing. 

One of those being an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh and the rest being fairly self explanatory, should explain the hot mess in the beginning. If that doesn’t sell you on this post I don’t know what will, in any case continue at your heart’s peril. Now lets rewind, to an earlier letter- which is actually from Wilfred Owen to his cousin:

At last I have an event worth a letter. I have beknown myself to Siegfried Sassoon... The sun blazed into his room making his purple dressing suit of a brilliance – almost matching my sonnet! He is very tall and stately, with a fine firm chisl'd (how's that?) head, ordinary short brown hair. The general expression of his face is one of boredom.

Mostly reminds me of a schoolgirl with a crush in this paragraph, doesn’t make it any less tooth-achingly sweet though. Sassoon was highly respected by Owen even before they met, both poets and soldiers led to a lot of common ground. I’m going to choose not to comment on the beginning of this letter, and let it speak for itself:

My dear Sassoon, When I had opened your envelope in a quiet corner of the Club Staircase, I sat on the stairs and groaned a little, and then went up and loosed off a gourd,

Pretending weird 20th century euphemisms don’t exist, my personal favourite quote- is heart aching with gorgeous imagery, from this same letter:

And you have fixed my Life – however short. You did not light me: I was always a mad comet; but you have fixed me. I spun round you a satellite for a month, but I shall swing out soon, a dark star in the orbit where you will blaze. It is some consolation to know that Jupiter himself sometimes swims out of Ken!

My personal appreciation for astral imagery is evidenced by my last post- this quote is killing me, BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT ‘however short’ BECAUSE THIS IS IN THE MIDDLE OF WORLD WAR 1, HE DIED AT 25 AND ONLY KNEW SASSOON FOR A YEAR. As beautiful as these letters are, they’re also unbearably tragic. Another from the same letter because this is a masterpiece:

Someday, I must tell how we sang, shouted, whistled and danced through the dark lanes through Colinton; and how we laughed till the meteors showered around us, and we felt calm under the winter stars. And some of us saw the pathway of the spirits for the first time. And seeing it so far above us, and feeling the good road so safe beneath us, we praised God with louder whistling; and knew we loved one another as no men love for long.

This is giving me coming-of-age movie and summer vibes so much, its so lighthearted and happy, and honestly the vibes of this speak for itself. Yet, Owen returned to the warfront, despite Sassoon reportedly threatening to ‘stab him in the leg if he tried to return to the Front’ and a tragedy this story always was, here is the last one I found:

It is a strange truth: that your [book of poems] Counter-Attack frightened me much more than the real one: though the boy by my side, shot through the head, lay on top of me, soaking my shoulder, for half an hour. Catalogue? Photograph? Can you photograph the crimson-hot iron as it cools from the smelting? That is what Jones's blood looked like, and felt like. My senses are charred. I shall feel again as soon as I dare, but now I must not. I don't take the cigarette out of my mouth when I write Deceased over their letters. But one day I will write Deceased over many books. . . .                    Ever your W. E. O.

All information, excerpts and quotes are copyrighted by Rictor Norton, the website with further details is here: http://rictornorton.co.uk/owen.htm

Disclaimer: I cannot personally attest to the validity of these letters or extracts, all the information I have is from the site- so don’t come at me!

[newtonsheffield]

Any headcannons of Anthony just being too attracted tonKate? Like he’s just floored by this tiny angry lady? Big fan btw :)

First of all: Thanks for reading these little rambles, truly just, an amazing feat. 

Oh, our poor boy Anthony spent a lot of his time being a little too flustered around Kate before (and after) they got together (I’ve put in a cut because it got so long)

The very first time Anthony realised he was attracted to Kate Sheffield was approximately six hours after they met and it was her voice that did it. He was walking past her office on his way to get a cup of tea, his assistant Harold absolutely nowhere to be seen, and he heard, it. A firm, clear tone, ringing out across the bullpen I’m very sorry Mr James, but that’s simply unacceptable, You’ll have to meet me halfway on this! It was a command more than anything, and Anthony felt himself growing a little hot under the collar, his reaction was immediate. He turned towards the sound and found her seated at her desk, her leg’s crossed, exuding confidence, her eyebrow raised questioningly at him. He turned on his heel and marched back to his office, telling himself it wasn’t this woman eliciting this reaction, he had been raised with a healthy respect for strong women and that was it. He was not attracted to Kate fucking Sheffield. 

His dream started the night of the first picnic, when he’d seen her hair shining in the sunlight, her skin glowing golden brown, It started with Kate perched on the edge of the conference room table, her stocking clad legs crossed, her expression dismissive her eyebrow raised, and it finished with Anthony waking up tangled in his bedsheets, panting, feeling very very Warm. He shook it off as a once off, just a reaction due to the proximity they worked in. And he almost believed it until he walked into their weekly staff meeting a little early, to find Kate fucking Sheffield perched on the corner of the table, her stocking clad legs crossed, laughing with her assistant Lucy. She looks up when Anthony enters, raising her eyebrow and says Good Morning Mr. Bridgerton a dismissive little smirk playing on her lips. Anthony can feel himself starting to get warm, it’s his dream incarnate and something is growing in the pit of his stomach. He marches past her quickly dropping into his seat with a clipped Sheffield get off the table. This is a place of business you know. Lucy and Kate exchange a confused glance

When he realises he’s in love with her nearly a year later, it gets so much worse. He’s lightly dropped dinner on her desk, a peace offering for what happened between them on Friday night, and a little because his brother’s been loudly quoting a gossip column about their alleged relationship. But Kate is apparently in no mood for his apology, she’s tired and snappish, and this infuriating and achingly beautiful woman is yelling at him, her intelligent eyes sparking with anger, and he just can’t help himself. Suddenly he’s pulled her to his chest, his mouth claiming hers and he feels simultaneously like he’s on fire and in heaven, because his dream truly truly did not do Kate fucking Sheffield justice. 

There’s a casual intimacy in someone letting you see them in their least put together state. The Kate Sheffield that Anthony is familiar with is always impeccably dressed. Her business attire all crisp lines, and impossibly tall heels and stockings that Anthony is absolutely thrilled to learn Kate is traditional enough to hold up with garters. But when she answers her front door the Monday night after they start dating, Anthony finds his favourite Kate. She’s wearing plaid pyjama shorts, and a T-shirt that appears to be bearing the album artwork for Spiceworld, of all bloody things, and her hair is up in a messy bun and Anthony learns that she wears glasses, and he realises right then and there that this Kate, that only the lucky few get to see, is his favourite. As she turns around and walks down her hall asking him if he’d like some Ice Cream I have Chunky Monkey and Phish Food  she’s saying but he finds himself muttering under his breath instead Kate Fucking Sheffield

Lord, I’m so sorry about me, this one really snowballed, Thanks for stopping by! Hope this is what you were after, and Happy Sunday! 

[sitp-recs]

The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by @cibeewastaken

Harry/Draco (2020, Teen and Up, 19k)

Draco could grab Potter and shove him into a stall before proceeding to suck his soul out of his dick, but secretly, deep down, in the part of Draco that he will never admit to anyone, he is (everyone pauses to shudder) a romantic. Potter is not someone Draco wants a one-off with. Potter is — Draco’s beloved!

Harry had just told Draco he was lonely.  Draco wasn’t brave. He was simply in love. 

Look, this year has been a nightmare overall but it’s Christmas time and I’m getting emotional af so tell me how could I resist such a quote?! Like everything Cibee writes, this fic is an absolute delight, with brilliant characterization, a cute concept and hilarious dialogue. I’ve read it 3 times now and it’s not nearly enough because I can’t find the words to make a respectable rec, only incoherent babbling about how awesome this was. Draco on a courting mission is one of my most BELOVED tropes since astolat and I adore how he’s written here, chaotic and so very sweet and devoted, be still my heart. His voice is hysterical, Dottie the elf is a gem (omg, the consummation chamber 😂) and the way the word “beloved” keeps popping up between the two of them makes me think of Gai which is kinda absurd but only made me love this story more because Gai is the best thing to ever exist and I love him okay—

(Please note this is an accurate representation of my face while reading this fic)

I’ve been trying to write this rec for days but I have now accepted that I won’t make this fic justice. There are only so many ways you can express your love for something and even then, you might be the only one getting hit by those all-encompassing FEELS, but that’s the beauty of fic reccing; you share the love as well as you can but it remains a very personal experience. And personally, this fic made so so happy and soft in a way that caught me off guard and made my heart burst with warmth. There’s something so precious about the innocence of courting someone and Cibee hits the perfect combination of humor and flangst, deliciously charming and surprisingly touching. I laughed my ass off at Draco’s by-the-book attempts at pureblood wooing; I rolled my eyes at Harry’s fond exasperation and utter obliviousness; I teared up at Draco’s vulnerability when fearing rejection. Many moments made me feel my heart double its size, like Draco asking for the Weasleys’ permission, Harry having Ron as his reference of a good partner and falling in love with Draco exactly as he is, plus loyal Dottie protecting the sacred handmade quilt 😭 this was an emotional rollercoaster and the perfect way to feed my needs of softcore catharsis; even the heartbreak was achingly sweet, and the author ensured that it wouldn’t last enough to destroy my poor fragile heart.

(As a side note, this fic is worth the read for the pureblood courting ritual Cibee created alone. It’s truly fantastic, full of creative little details that makes it funny, charming and moving all at once). This fic is the perfect way to kick off this lovely month and get ready for all the glorious advent fics we have coming our way. Don’t think twice and go treat yourself!

Read on AO3

[just-the-hiddles]

Writer’s Spotlight | Nildespirandum

This week I am spotlighting one of my favorite writers, @nildespirandum​!  She is the Adam writer that made me both scared and brave enough to write Adam myself.  She is the weaver of worlds, the creator of characters so real you think they are sitting next to you.  Smart, funny, and an amazing writer!

Catch all of Nildespirandum’s stories here.

What other names do you want people to call you?

I use Misreall on AO3.

How long have you been writing fic?

I am on this current round for about four years, but I did write before though that was a decade ago.

What fandoms and/or ships do you write?

Tom Hiddleston characters, though not RPF.  Primarily Loki, but I have written for Thomas Sharpe, Adam from Only Lovers Left Alive, and Conrad from Kong: Skull Island.  For all of them I have written OFCs.

How did you get started writing fic?

I had ideas for a fics for a while, but it wasn't until I started commenting and then talking to @caffiend-queen that I decided it was time to do something about it.

Story Recommendations

Which of your stories are your favorite?

I hate this question, but if I had to pick it would be the cycle of stories called Loki and Nora's Infinity Stone Playlist, both because it is my first, and because I think the relationship between the characters - not just Loki and Nora, but the cast that has build up around them - allows me to tell so many tales.

Which story are you most proud of?

Either Perfection - my Crimson Peak AU, or Reigning in Hel - A JotunLoki series.

Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?

Probably At Hel's Edge, which is a historical mash-up of MCU Loki, with MythLoki.  The people who read it loved, it but it never found much of an audience.  Possibly because of the style I wrote it in, or maybe because the MCULoki character was a bit abstract from his origin.  But I am very, very lucky that it is getting a second life as a Webtoon drawn by @rauko-art, who is incredibly gifted and has worked so hard to make something really beautiful.

Someone is new to reading your stories, which story/stories should they read first?

For Loki, the Infinity Stone Playlist.  Otherwise, maybe Perfection.

Which story did you do the most research for?

Perfection.  I can tell you how much a yard of silk cost in 1910, both in England and the US.  

Which story was the easiest to write?

Probably my Incubus Loki first series.  It was so over the top and goofy that it was effortless.  Rapacity - my vampire Loki story - is also quite easy.  There may be a trend here.

The Writing Process

What is your favorite part of writing?

To quote Dorothy Parker, "I hate writing, but I love having written."  With that said, I love the moment when I am lost in the process, and the characters are narrating and I am taking dictation.  

What is your least favorite part?

Editing, which is probably why I hardly ever do it.  That said, I am fine editing other people's work.  

Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.

Breezily conversational when it isn't breaking your heart.

Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?

I don't have time, and you certainly wouldn't have the patience, for my full list but a few key choices are Jane Austen, Anthony Bourdain, Ian Shoales, Alexander Dumas, the Brothers Grimm, Neil Gaiman, Louisa May Alcott, Balzac, Mary Roach, Bebe Moore Campbell, Douglas Adams.  But all of that said it was probably Howard Pyle, the D'aulaires, Zilpha Keatley Snyder, Winifred Madison, and Ruth Chew whose books I read over and over to the point of them falling apart are probably the writers who made me, not only on the page, but in life.

What programs do you use to write and/or edit?

I do all of my writing and editing in Google docs.   I'm a Luddite at heart.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

A pantser.  I might have some of a story in mind when I start, but usually I start with an image and let fly.  The entirety of my Bottom of the Hourglass story came from my seeing a folded bookcase leaning against a basement door.

Do you write RPF or not?

Years ago I wrote an RPF as a gift for a friend. For the future, I never say never.

Who is your favorite character to write and why?

Loki.  Loki is the gift that keeps on giving.  While I could flippantly say that all of that emotional and mental trauma is fic writer catnip - and I wouldn't be lying - there is so much more.  He is a character of such wit and imagination, powerful, funny, wise, and a complete idiot.  The Trickster is such brilliant architype, playing both sides of the fence, fooling and being fooled, capable of great good and true evil.  He is vastly entertaining, and achingly sympathetic.  I can go on, but I will spare you.

What do you think are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, for one.  I am proud that if you read the dialogue alone from my stories you can tell who each character is, that they all have a distinct voice.

What do you struggle with?

Plot.  I get so very bored with plot.  

Favorite Trope?

That's like being asked to pick a favorite anything, I can't do it.  Ok, fine, enemies to lovers.

Favorite word to use?

Delightful.  Or Really.

What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?

Make time for your writing.  Even when you think you can't.

What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?

Don't be afraid, don't shrink and hide and diminish yourself, you have to be your own first, best audience.  Also, always remember, art doesn't apologize and neither should you, as long as you feel you have given the best you can at any given time - which will not always be the same, EVERYONE has off days - then be proud of having written, of having added to the world.

What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?

I did so much research on boats and ship to ship combat for my pirate story that I will never use all of it.  Generally I am pretty efficient with my research, mostly because I already have a brainful of useless knowledge that I am still trying to make pay off.

What is your favorite random detail from one of your stories?

I love that in the later Infinity Stone Playlist stories Loki's various lounging robes have magical pockets that always produce cookies.  

Any goals or WIPs you want to share?

I am determined to finish both The Frost Queen and The Tales of the Golden Horn this spring, and I have decided I am going to commit to the sequel to Perfection about Thomas and Alice's grandson that I have had in mind since I finished their story.

This or That

Fluff AND Angst

Smut AND Fluff

Reader or OC

One shot or Series

Canon Divergent AND AU

Coffee or Tea

Sweet or Savory

Anything else you want to say or share? 

There is a tendency in fandom these days to see things that do not have a moral dimension as being good or bad, to only look at the most extreme edges of things and pass judgement on the whole.  Life is hard enough, let people enjoy things.  

Until next week!

[mayonnaisetoffees]

Mayo's Fic Recs

List of my favourite fics below the cut; this list is a WIP and completely personal taste; a mix of fandom classics and lesser knowns

Please remember to leave comments and kudos for the authors and podficcers!

*shows particular favourites

Fandoms currently included: Spn, Merlin, Les Mis, BatFam

Fics That Changed Me Fundamentally

Loaded March*** by Footloose. Merlin | E | 1.26M(Series)/ 35k (First part) | 188k hits (First part)

The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can’t keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn’t good enough, either. Except he is.

You can read all about my thoughts on Loaded March here, here, and here. Basically this fic series is beautifully written, has absolutely delicious UST, has found family, magic, and high stakes. It’s been part of my life for almost a decade now, I made friends through LM that I still have to this day, and it genuinely changed me as a person. Plus there are 78k of Extras to itch that I Finished Now What scratch. Parts 1-5 have been podficced and you can find them in works inspired by this one in each part.

Down to Agincourt*** by Seperis. Supernatural | E | 1.12M(Series)/ 154k (First part) | 73k hits (First part)

The world’s already over and they’re already dead. All they’re doing now is marking time until the end.

S7!Dean is transported back to the aftermath of where 5x04 The End left off. Much like LM, DtA was one that I avoided for a while. I didn’t think it would be my thing. I’m not usually into End!verse, it sounded so bleak from the summary, and it sounded so long for something I wasn’t sure about. If you’re reading this and nodding along? You are as much a fool as I was. Yes, it’s the end of the world. But it’s not over yet. This is a beautiful journey in what it means to be yourself, how to survive the end of the world, a How-To for Coups, and a study in food as a love language. I only read this fic this year, but like LM, it has genuinely changed me. Map of the World has been podficced.

Supernatural

Let’s start with the current hyperfixation. All of these are at least passively Dean/Cas unless otherwise stated. I've split into ones from my first time around in the SPN fandom and more recent ones because the vibes are actually really different and it took me some time to adjust (Not in a bad way! In a time has passed they have grown as characters way)

Old-School SPN (AKA the Classics my first time around)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Home in Motion* by nomdeplume13 M | 232k | 48k hits

Castiel swore he was done with spur of the moment decisions that permanently changed Dean Winchester's life. A year after the angel's most disastrous, his newest may present the largest challenge of dean's life: Fatherhood.

Did someone say kid!fic in canonverse? This is perfect. Canon divergence from the end of S6. Cas saves a baby from a neglectful mother and gives him to Dean to raise. They all move in with Bobby. Great OCs. Bobby considers Cas his son. Listen everything I say here will not be able to begin to encompass how much I love this fic. Just trust me on this one.

Named* by RC_McLachlan M | 95k | 95k hits

Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

With a summary like that, need I say more? No but I'm gonna. This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read, but it doesn't take any emotion from the serious moments, if anything it heightens them. There are so many quotes from this I think about all the time. It was written in 2010 and so there's a bit of misogyny/character assassination of Anna in places.

Second Childhood by CloudyJenn (read by exmanhater) G | 16k (1h30) | 10k hits

"Dude, I can't do this whole thing by myself," Dean said with far more desperation leaking into his tone than he liked. It would just be too much to make it through hell and death and Lucifer only to have Castiel bail on him because of a frigging baby.

They beat the Apocalypse (OG-S5) and then Sam gets de-aged by a spell. I've listened to this so many times I know it by heart, it's an ultimate comfort fic to me.

Defy Any and All Expectation* by Tenoko1 (read by Tenoko1) M | 138k (14hrs) | 37k hits

Chuck's newly released books tell of another war between Heaven and Hell. Team Free Will sets out to try to defy prophecy, only to realize there is a lot more at stake and amiss than the not-quite-accurate words of one Prophet of the Lord. Along the way, Dean and Cas' relationship continues to evolve into something neither expected or were prepared for, all of their lives transforming in ways no one could have expected. But with no shortage of cases, monsters, and mayhem, it's going to require the help of new friends and old enemies if they're to have a hope of saving the world one more time. Alternate Season Six.

So this is a re-written version of Tenoko1's The Path We Choose which I don't think is around anymore. By the time I was reading the re-write as each chapter came out, I knew every single line of TPWC and it wasn't all that much shorter. It's such a perfect canon divergence because they are all 100% in-character. If you're into podfic, you already know what an absolute gift 14 hours is, but if you have never tried podfic before, Tenoko1 is a fantastic place to start. Her voice is soothing and energetic and her Cas sometimes comes to mind when I'm reading fic in Misha's place (sorry Misha)

His Fucking Kids 'Verse by 8sword M | 96k(Series)/ 3k (first part) | 26k hits (first part)

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

Emma survives and Dean and Cas are raising her and Claire. This fic series will make you laugh, make you cry, and (nowadays) make you wish Emma had survived to be a part of Wayward Sisters.

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 22k | 37k hits

While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Dean breaks his legs, and honey!Cas brings home some kittens to foster. It's achingly sweet and also painful because you know Dean wants to fix Cas but there's nothing to fix. It is tagged for ableism for this.

Tripping* by Hatteress E | 49k | 78k hits

That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Alt!S5 and it is beautiful. Also any fic with Missouri is an automatic win.

Broadway Musical by Grifitings M | 12k | 79k hits

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at. Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Jimmy deserves a sainthood and frankly I don't even want to hear about crack if it's not on the level of the Host yelling at Cas not to touch the butt.

Classic AUs (AKA AUs from my first time around)

Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | 144k hits

Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...

This was one of the first spn fics to really really stay with me and it never really left.

Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by ChasingRabbits E | 127k(Series)/ 8k (Part1) | 29k hits (Part1)

Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.

This series. If you've ever felt unsure or out of place or anxious or just really felt like no-one understood you, this fic is for you. I first found this series when I was coming to terms with my queerness and I genuinely think it was invaluable. Also I am a sucker for the go for a dinner at Cas's family and end up storming out trope.

Play It All Night Long by janie_tangerine (read by Tenoko1) NC17 | 43k (4hrs)

The rom-com-ish one where Dean hosts a late night radio show, Castiel is a regular listener of his who starts calling one day and ends up calling more often than not and Dean finds himself liking it. This, until one day Castiel calls for not exactly petty reasons (just before Dean's brother Sam is visiting with his girlfriend for spring break) and things get very, very crowdy at his place. He also doesn't know it's just the beginning of it. Also features Gabriel, Chuck, Andy, the Roadhouse crew and a huge amount of music quoted. Especially Bob Dylan.

Again, this podfic has got me through many a night of insomnia. Cas calls in after a particularly shitty day and it all goes from there.

New-School SPN (AKA post-2014)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Tall Grass by aeli_kindara E | 57k | 28k hits

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says. Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away. Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

There is a reason you will see this recced time and time again. It healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing.

So Says the Sword* by komodobits E | 85k | 73k hits

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’ Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected

I saw ssts mentioned in like every single If you're getting back into the fandom READ THIS rec list. For good reason. It's described as "canon-adjacent in that seasons one to three happened exactly the same, but when Dean goes to Hell, he is not raised by Castiel". It's one of the most interesting concepts I've read and it's one of those fics where the writing style will stick with you. Castiel POV in a way you've never read before.

Aching in the Absence of You* by sobsicles E | 95k | 9k hits (in 5 days)

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back. He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales. "Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time. By nightfall, Cas is gone.

If you don't already know sobsicles, I am delighted to introduce you to the person who will smash you to pieces with a hammer to put you back together Kintsugi-style. This one is post-finale but without 15x18 (it'll make sense as it goes). Cas says he's going to leave again and again Dean doesn't ask him to stay. Full of lines so beautiful they'd make Shakespeare weep, Sobsicles has this way of writing that is so evocative and paints such a clear picture. Fair warning, if you're Dean-coded, this might be A Lot.

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)** by sobsicles E | 108k | 25k hits

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next. ~~~ Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want." "What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before." "Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out." "Easier said than done."

Yes, two sobsicles recs back to back. This one I read first and it still holds such a special place in my heart. A sign of a good fic is being able to picture it perfectly. The sign of an amazing fic is that when reading this I was so in Dean's shoes I could feel a pool cue between my hands and Baby behind my back. And I sobbed like a baby in this. It has probably my favourite ending ever. It's genuinely beautiful. If you don't read another on this list, read this one.

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara M | 52k | 14k hits

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean. (A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

The ultimate Cas character study and interwoven with poetry.

So There It Is, I've Said It All by PorcupineGirl (read by Ceewelsh) G | 4k | 13k hits

"Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don't think I'll like?" I think I'm in love with you. "Yeah. I guess so."

Dean figures out he's in love with Cas then can't stop thinking it. This is genuinely beautiful and if you've ever had trouble actually saying the thing you're thinking, you'll relate to Dean here. I recently did the podfic for this.

you won't find this place alone by amidsizedfrog G | 9.5k |

When Claire said she was dropping out of college to pursue hunting full time, Dean said, “right,” and left the room. Or, the cross-generation conversation about formal education, choosing your own path and figuring out what it looks like to find a family. Or, in other words: "But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell-attitude, and I'll figure it out." - Dean Winchester

This is a beautiful look at education in the hunter world, and I love anything that looks at Dean and Bobby's relationship and this does it perfectly. Also best cameo ever.

Seek to Know You Better by ahurston E | 33k | 23k hits

Dean and Cas, a long stretch of highway, and 36 questions empirically designed to make two people fall in love. As if they weren't already.

This is perfect. It has a lovely slow pace like it has the vibes of an indie film if that makes sense? Like it's two guys going from place to place talking. It was an instant favourite.

Newer AUs (AKA more recent AUs)

And This, Your Living Kiss* by opal_bullets M | 57k | 69k hits

Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.

When I asked which fics were absolute must-reads for someone who'd been out of the fandom a few years, this was said repeatedly. But what really got me to read it was everyone actually told me more about what it meant to them than just the summary. It's a study in poetry, a study in learning who you are and who you used to be, and a reminder that it's never too late.

The Graveyard Shift* by riseofthefallenone, PurgatoryJar E | 620k | 175k hits

Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

A fantastic magical realism fic - magical creatures live and work with humans. Gabe and Cas run a coffee shop, Dean is a fireman, and the burn is slow and delicious and the intrigue kept me reading for like a week every single spare minute.

Painted Angels by WinJennster E | 106k | 162k hits

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

The first part of this I actually saved back when I was first in the fandom but I never got around to reading it (I had a To Read folder of 100+ fics that I absolutely dove into when I got back into spn) and the rest of the series finished in 2016 so I'm counting it in this section not the other. On the one hand, I wish I'd read this when it first came out. It's beautiful and heartbreaking, and so visual. On the other hand, I think I appreciated it a lot more now than I would have seven years ago. The parallel of me coming back to the old fandom that I loved dearly with Cas coming back to see someone and places he loved so much really hit. (Although coming back to the spn fandom was much easier and much less heartbreak!)

Finale Fix-Its (yeah fuck you Dabb that this has to be a whole category)

The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas M | 66k | 15k hits

A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.

Script format re-write of 15x19 and 15x20 into a 5-episode finale fix-it. As far as I'm concerned, this and chocolatecakecas's American Pie fanvid are the Supernatural finale.

break the skin (to break the barriers)* by sobsicles M | 30k | 9k hits

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment. ~~~ Dean is silent for a long, tense moment, then he gruffly says, "It's not for banishing the angels. It's to summon them. So, it doesn't—it's not to get rid of 'em, but to draw 'em in." Mitzi can't help but glance up at him at that. His voice is so heavy with so much unexplained pain, and she doesn't understand why, or what angels have to do with it. She knows religion can impact people. She's very aware that it can get complicated, and that it can be a huge source of pain for someone, but Dean sounds grievously wronged, somehow, as if it's a truly personal thing. She pushes through, focusing back on her job, clearing her throat before murmuring, "Well, I guess we all want angels to visit us sometimes." "Just the one," Dean mumbles. "Your guardian angel?" Mitzi asks. Dean breathes out, "Something like that. As close to one as an angel will ever get."

Therapy through getting tattoos and telling your life story to someone who obviously doesn't think it's real. Outsider!POV not just done well, but done literally the best.

Kingdom Come by ahurston E | 17k | 10k hits

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

I don't know if this counts as finale fix-it as it's more fuck the finale we're ignoring that. There's just so much love and care in this fic.

The Family Business by chai_lattes M | 16k | 5.5k hits

It's all over. It's been weeks since Chuck's defeat and Cas' return from the Empty. There are no threats on the horizon, no apocalypses to stop, but there's something that keeps the Winchesters from being happy. Something that's maybe always been there. On their way back from a hunt, they find John Winchester, back from the dead.

If you're anything like me, you start rubbing your grubby little hands together at the tag John Winchester's A+ Parenting like yes let's address this! This is one of the best examples of John coming back and how it jars with the life that they have built. Also Claire and Jack getting to share screentime!

Merlin

If I have a forever fandom, it's Merlin. I've always kept one foot in this fandom, and it introduced me to fandom, and most importantly to podfic which kinda had an impact. All Merthur unless stated.

Canon-Verse

Seven Magpies by syllic (read by lunchee) E | 33k (3hr15) | 58k hits

Arthur opened his eyes a minute later to the sight of seven magpies streaking across the top of the clearing, their shapes dark against the white clouds and the muted grey of the sky. He tried to remember what it was that seven magpies meant—he'd had a nurse who had sung the rhyme to him as a child—but couldn't. Arthur wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognise, but where he clearly belongs.

Okay so this is an AU but it's Canon-AU so it's going here. Fantastic role reversal fic that you will be thinking about for weeks.

and from your grace, i fell by TheDragon (read by Ceewelsh) T | 4.6k (41mins) | 13k hits

“Where’s Merlin?” he asks the maid. “Where’s that idiot of a Court Sorcerer?!” “Begging your pardon, Your Majesty. I thought you knew,” the maid replies, not daring to look him in the eyes. “He’s taken ill.” “And he couldn’t be bothered to tell me himself that he would be unable to attend today’s council meeting?” Arthur questions, voice full of acid. “He hasn’t woken since he collapsed two days ago, Sire,” the maidservant says, blissfully unaware that what she’s saying the power to stop Arthur’s heart in its tracks.

When I first read this, it had me completely transfixed. I could not stop reading. It was so raw and so full of emotion. I was then lucky enough to get TheDragon in our exchange, so I did a podfic for it and it's probably the most proud I've been of one.

Modern AU

The Student Prince* by FayJay (read by FayJay) M | 145k (15hrs) | 696k hits

A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...

A classic is a classic for a reason. I'm also pretty sure this introduced me to podfics so like special place in my heart x2. Did you know if you filter AO3 by hits on Merlin, this has 426k more hits than the second result? Now that is a Fandom Classic.

Drastically Redefining Protocol* by rageprufrock (read by lunchee) E | 46k (5hr30) | 269k hits

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.

As I always say, if this can happen to me and I still love the fic, nothing is going to change that. Arthur hides from his duties in a cupboard and gets stuck in there with a chainsmoking med student.

Fundamental Imperfections by Starlingthefool (read by bravenclawsome) M | 12k (1hr35) | 123k hits

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing. (Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

This fic has everything: Charles Dickens, long distance texting, Morgana choking a Sherlock cosplayer with his own scarf. This is the ultimate comfort fic and I compare all fics to this even when they're incomparable. I never read the sequel because it was WIP and I was waiting for it to complete, it hasn't been updated since 2015 and apparently ends on an unhappy note, so if you're going to read the sequel you have been warned.

Les Mis

Modern!AU

Overzealous Oddities by YassHomo e/R, Courf/Cosette/Marius, Comb/Ép | G | 6.4k | 4k hits

Courfeyrac: Remember when I smashed our tv and we laughed about it? Enjolras: No. Courfeyrac: Let me rephrase Courfeyrac: I've smashed our tv, lets laugh about it.

I love me a text fic and this is in my opinion the best one around. Just look at that summary. I have quoted that so many times.

But Paris was a very old city and we were young* by GingerNinjaAbi E/R, Courf/Jehan | M | 99k | 42k hits

Perhaps somewhere in between all the cups of coffee, shots of tequila, sunny March days, terrible lumpy jumpers, love, cigarettes, drunken nights and the desire to change the world they'll all leave Paris with a degree in something. Or not. Grantaire's money is on no. But he's a pessimist who's hopelessly in love, so perhaps his opinion shouldn't count.

The ULTIMATE modern!AU tbh.

Tagged by Salomonderiel E/R, Courf/Jehan | E | 155k | 28k hits

So there's this artist. He could probably be compared to Banksy, but he's a lot more... cynical. He shares rooms with a poet who braids his hair with flowers, in a flat near Covent Garden they rent from a short-tempered shop keeper with a penchant for fans and who'd do anything if you mentioned Poland. Sometimes, the three of them will go and deface public buildings in London whilst completely smashed off their heads. And then there's this, shall we say, 'revolutionary'. He has a band of other revolutionaries, who all meet at this cafe by Borough Market. He shares rooms with his best mate, a philosophy student, spends too much time with a flirty guy who has a thing for poets, goes boxing with a guy in a red vest, wants to punch the wet sop who drools on the blonde waitress and is getting tired of this guy who keep breaking his laptops through sheer dumb luck. Thank god the hypochondriac's there to keep an (slightly too) attentive eye on their stress levels. The revolutionary thinks the graffiti artist's work is a waste of space. The artist thinks the revolutionary's campaigns are a waste of time. And all the while, the poet and the flirt drool over each other in the background...

This is perfect and it's funny and it's beautiful and it rips my heart out multiple times.

Canon

To Be Free by kjack89 (read by Ceewelsh) Gen, Cosette/Marius | T | 3.8k (32mins) | 375 hits

Three blows from a bayonet had transfixed Combeferre’s breast, followed by a fall from the barricade as he rapidly lost first blood and then consciousness. But neither of these, it seemed, was enough to kill him, as much as later he might perhaps wish that they were.

I read this because it was on a list kjack89 did of their favourite fics which don't necessarily have the same hits traffic. It's nothing I would have usually read (canon era, not e/R, MCD) but I am so glad I gave it a go. It's a study on what if Combeferre had survived the barricades too and the guilt. This stayed with me for days afterwards until I eventually messaged kjack89 to get permission to podfic it.

BatFam

Canonish (I don't know differences between canons but these are all they're superheros fics)

Robins United by laceymcbain (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | T | 49k (6h15)/ 19k (2h25) (First part) | 103k hits

Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.

The ultimate batbros series. Also if you haven't heard reena_jenkins' podfics before, you are welcome. Pre-pandemic I took a lot of public transport and reena_jenkins kept me sane.

batcoons by drakefeathers (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | G | 6k (49mins) | 14k hits

Jason and raccoons have a lot in common. (Additionally: his so-called family are much bigger pests than the stray animals hanging around his safehouse.)

This is funny, it's heartwarming, and it's a really good character study.

AU

Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks Clark/Bruce | T | 19k | 20k hits

Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing. Then they meet.

Bruce Wayne is a Tired Single Dad™. It's genuinely such a sweet fic.