#they had a crazy journey until now and I wish the best for them

[myfanfictiongarden]

Omg…. episodes 11 & 12 The Spoils and Kalends of February is what I`ve been looking for.

I’m not kidding when I say I’m in tears, this episodes were incredible.

[artsekey]

Disney's Wish

Look, Disney's Wish has been universally panned across the internet, and for good reason.

It’s just…kind of okay.

 When we sit down to watch a Disney film—you know, from the company that dominated the animation industry from 1989 to (arguably) the mid 2010’s and defined the medium of animation for decades—we expect something magnificent. Now, I could sit here and tell you everything that I thought was wrong with Wish, but if you’re reading this review, then I imagine that you’ve already heard the most popular gripes from other users across the web. So, let me focus in:

The biggest problem with Wish—in fact, the only problem with Wish—is Magnifico.

Whoa, that’s crazy! There’re so many things about Wish that could’ve been better! The original concept was stronger! The music was bad--

I hear you, I do. But stay with me here, okay? Take my hand. I studied under artists from the Disney renaissance. I teach an adapted model of Disney’s story pipeline at a University level. I spent a ridiculous amount of time getting degrees in this, and I am about to dissect this character and the narrative to a stupid degree.

First, we need to understand that a good story doesn’t start and end with what we see on the screen. Characters aren’t just fictional people; when used well, characters are tools the author uses (or in this case, the director) to convey their message to the audience. Each character’s struggle should in some way engage with the story’s message, and consequently, the story’s theme. Similarly, when we look at our protagonist and our antagonist, we should see their characters and their journeys reflected in one-another.

So, what went wrong between Asha & Magnifico in terms of narrative structure?

Act I

In Wish, we’re introduced to our hero not long into the runtime—Asha. She’s ambitious, caring, and community-oriented; in fact, Asha is truly introduced to the audience through her love of Rosas (in “Welcome to Rosas”).  She’s surrounded by a colorful cast of friends who act as servants in the palace, furthering her connection with the idea of community but also telling us that she’s not of status, and then she makes her way to meet Magnifico for her chance to become his next apprentice.

Quick aside: I'm not going to harp on Asha as a character in the context of Disney's overall canon. Almost every review I've seen covers her as a new addition to Disney's ever-growing repertoire of "Cute Quirky Heroines", and I think to be fair to Asha as an actor in the narrative, it serves her best to be weighed within the context of the story she's part of.

As Asha heads upstairs for her interview, we're introduced to the man of the hour: Magnifico. He lives in a tower high above the population of Rosas, immediately showing us how he differs from Asha; he’s disconnected from his community. He lives above them. He has status. While the broader context of the narrative wants us to believe that this also represents a sense of superiority, I would argue that isn’t what Magnifico’s introduction conveys; he's isolated.

Despite this distance, he does connect with Asha in “At All Costs”. For a moment, their goals and values align. In fact, they align so well that Magnifico sees Asha as someone who cares as much about Rosas as he does, and almost offers her the position.

… Until she asks him to grant Saba’s wish.

This is framed by the narrative as a misstep. The resonance between their ideals snaps immediately, and Magnifico says something along the line of “Wow. Most people wait at least a year before asking for something.”

This disappointment isn't played as coming from a place of power or superiority. He was excited by the idea of working with someone who had the same values as he did, who viewed Rosas in the same way he does, and then learns that Asha’s motivations at least partially stem from a place of personal gain.

Well, wait, is that really Asha's goal?

While it's not wholistically her goal, it's very explicitly stated & implied that getting Saba's wish granted is at least a part of it. The audience learns (through Asha's conversation with her friends before the interview) that every apprentice Magnifico has ever had gets not only their wish granted, but the wishes of their family, too!  Asha doesn’t deny that this is a perk that she’s interested in, and I don't think this is a bad thing.

So, Is Asha’s commitment to Saba selfless, or selfish? I’m sure the director wanted it to seem selfless, wherein she believes her family member has waited long enough and deserves his wish granted, but we can’t ignore the broader context of Asha essentially trying to… skip the line.

Then, we get our first point of tension. Magnifico reveals his “true colors” in snapping at Asha, telling her that he “decides what people deserve”. This is supposed to be the great motivator, it’s meant to incite anger in the audience—after all, no one gets to decide what you deserve, right? But unfortunately for the integrity of the film and the audience's suspension of disbelief, at least part of Magnifico’s argument is a little too sound to ignore:

Some wishes are too vague and dangerous to grant. Now, there’s visual irony here; he says this after looking at a 100 old man playing the lute. The idea that something so innocuous could be dangerous is absurd, and the audience is meant to agree.

... But we’ve also seen plenty of other wishes that might be chaotic—flying on a rocket to space, anyone? The use of the word vague is important, too—this implies wording matters, and that a wish can be misinterpreted or evolve into something that is dangerous even if the original intent was innocuous. His reasoning for people forgetting their wish (protecting them from the sadness of being unable to attain their dreams) is much weaker, but still justifiable (in the way an antagonist’s flawed views can be justified). The film even introduces a facet of Magnifico’s backstory that implies he has personal experience with the grief of losing a dream (in the destruction of his home), but that thread is never touched on again.

              What is the audience supposed to take from this encounter? If we’re looking at the director’s intent, I’d argue that we’ve been introduced to a well-meaning young girl and a king who’s locked away everyone’s greatest aspiration because he believes he deserves to have the power to decide who gets to be happy.

              But what are we shown? Our heroine, backed by her friends, strives to be Magnifico’s apprentice because she loves the city but also would really like to see her family's wishes granted. When this request is denied and she loses the opportunity to be his apprentice, she deems Magnifico’s judgement unfair & thus begins her journey to free the dreams of Rosas’ people.

              In fairness, Magnifico doesn’t exhibit sound judgement or kindness through this act of the film. He’s shown to be fickle, and once his composure cracks, he can be vindictive and sharp. He's not a good guy, but I'd argue he's not outright evil. He's just got the makings of a good villain, and those spikes of volatility do give us a foundation to work off of as he spirals, but as we’ll discuss in a bit, the foreshadowing established here isn’t used to the ends it implies.

              While I was watching this film, I was sure Magnifico was going to be a redeemable villain. He can’t connect with people because he's sure they value what he provides more than they value him (as seen in “At All Costs” and the aftermath), and Asha’s asking for more was going to be framed as a mistake. His flaw was keeping his people too safe and never giving them the chance to sink or swim, and he's too far removed from his citizens to see that he is appreciated. Asha does identify this, and the culmination of her journey is giving people the right to choose their path, but the way Magnifico becomes the “true” villain and his motivations for doing so are strangely divorced from what we’re shown in Act I.  

Act II:

His song, “This is the Thanks I Get!?” furthers the idea that Magnifico’s ire—and tipping point—is the fact that he thinks the people he’s built a kingdom for still want more. Over the course of this 3:14 song, we suddenly learn that Magnifico sends other people to help his community and doesn’t personally get involved (we never see this outside of this song), and that he’s incredibly vain/narcissistic (he's definitely a narcissist). I think feeling under-appreciated is actually a very strong motivation for Magnifico as a character-turning-villain, and it works very well. It’s justified based on what we’ve seen on screen so far: he feels under-appreciated (even though he’s decidedly not—the town adores him), he snaps and acts irrationally under stress (as seen with his outburst with Asha), and he’s frustrated that people seem to want more from him (again, as seen with his conversation with Asha in Act I).

              But then… he opens the book.

Ah, the book. As an object on screen, we know that it's filled with ancient and evil magic, well-known to be cursed by every relevant character in the film, and kept well-secured under lock and key. But what does it stand for in the context of the narrative's structure? A quick path to power? We're never told that it has any redeeming qualities; Magnifico himself doesn't seem to know what he's looking for when he opens it. It feels... convenient.

I think it's also worth noting that he only turns to the book when he's alone; once again, the idea of connection and community rears it's ugly head! Earlier in the film, Amaya-- his wife-- is present and turns him away from taking that path. In her absence, he makes the wrong choice.

This decision could make sense; it contains powerful magic, and if it were framed in such a way that the people of Rosas were losing faith in Magnifico’s magic, as if what he can do might not be enough anymore after what they felt from Star, going for the book that we know contains spells that go above and beyond what he can already do would be logical. Along the lines of, “If they’re not happy with what I do for them, fine. I, ever the “martyr”, will do the unthinkable for you, because you want more.”

            It would keeps with the idea that Magnifico believes he's still trying to help people, but his motivation has taken his self-imposed pity party and turned it into resentment and spite.

 But, that’s not the case. Instead he talks about reversing that “light”, which has had no real negative or tangible consequences on Rosas. Everyone had a warm feeling for a few seconds. Again, it’s meant to paint him as a vain control freak, but… he hasn’t lost any power. The citizens of Rosas even assume the great showing of magic was Magnifico.

Act III

              Then, we get to the consequences of opening the book (and perhaps my biggest qualm with this film). The book is established as being cursed. Magnifico knows it, Asha knows it, and Amaya—who is introduced as loyal-- knows it. The characters understand his behavior is a direct result of the book, and search for a way to save him. This is only the focus of the film for a few seconds, but if you think about it, the fact that his own wife cannot find a way to free him of the curse he’s been put under is unbelievably tragic. Worse still, upon discovering there is no way to reverse the curse, Magnifico—the king who built the city & “protected it” in his own flawed way for what seems to be centuries—is thrown out by his wife. You know, the wife who's stood loyal at his side for years?

              It’s played for laughs, but there’s something unsettling about a character who’s clearly and explicitly under the influence of a malevolent entity being left… unsaved. If you follow the idea of Magnifico being disconnected from community being a driving force behind his arc, the end of the film sees him in a worse situation he was in at the start: truly, fully alone.

              They bring in so many opportunities for Magnifico to be sympathetic and act as a foil for Asha; he’s jaded, she’s not. He’s overly cautious (even paranoid), she’s a risk-taker. He turns to power/magic at his lowest point, Asha turns to her friends at her lowest point. Because this dichotomy isn’t present, and Magnifico—who should be redeemable—isn’t, the film is so much weaker than it could’ve been. The lack of a strong core dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist echoes through every facet of the film from the music to the characterization to the pacing, and I believe if Magnifico had been more consistent, the film would’ve greatly improved across the board.

I mean, come on! Imagine if at the end of the film, Asha—who, if you remember, did resonate with Magnifico’s values at the start of the film—recognizes that he's twisted his original ideals and urges him to see the value in the people he’s helped, in their ingenuity, in their gratitude, & that what he was able to do before was enough. Going further, asking what his wish is or was—likely something he’s never been asked— and showing empathy! We’d come full circle to the start of the film where Asha asks him to grant her wish.

Pushing that further, if Magnifico’s wish is to see Rosas flourish or to be a good/beloved king, he'd have the the opportunity to see the value in failing and how pursuing the dream is its own complex and valuable journey, and how not even he is perfect.

 The curse and the book (which, for the purposes of this adjustment, would need to be established as representing the idea of stepping on others to further your own goals/the fast way to success), then serve as the final antagonist, that same curse taking root in the people of Rosas who’ve had their dreams destroyed, and Asha works with the community to quell it. Asha’s learned her lesson, so has Magnifico, and the true source of evil in the film—the book—is handled independently. Magnifico steps back from his role as King, Amaya still ends up as Queen, and Asha takes her place as the new wish-granter.

This route could even give us the true “Disney villain” everyone’s craving; giving the book sentience and having it lure Magnifico in during “This is the Thanks I Get!?” leaves it as its own chaotic evil entity.

All in all, Magnifico's introduction paved a road to redemption that the rest of the film aggressively refused to deliver on, instead doubling down on weaker motivations that seem to appear out of thin air. Once the audience thinks, hey, that bad guy might have a point, the protagonist has to do a little more heavy lifting to convince us they're wrong.

Look at the big-bad-greats from Disney's library. There isn't a point in the Lion King where we pause and think, "Wait a second, maybe Scar should be the guy who rules the Pridelands." Ursula from the Little Mermaid, though motivated by her banishment from King Triton's Seas, never seems to be the right gal for the throne. Maybe Maleficent doesn't get invited to the princess's birthday party, but we don't watch her curse a baby and think, Yeah, go curse that baby, that's a reasonable response to getting left out.

What do they all have in common? Their motivation is simple, their goal is clear, and they don't care who they hurt in pursuit of what they want.

Magnifico simply doesn't fall into that category. He's motivated by the idea of losing power, which is never a clear or impactful threat. His goal at the start seems to be to protect Rosas, then it turns into protecting his own power, and then-- once he's corrupted-- he wants to capture Star. The problem is, there's no objective to put this power toward. Power for power's sake is useless. Scar craves power because he feels robbed of status. Ursula believes the throne is rightfully hers. Maleficent wanted to make a statement. Magnifico... well, I'm not really sure.

[its-time-to-write]

Hi! Could You write a Jamie x Kent!reader? Like roy finds out when phoebe recognizes Jamie in a cute way,and he loses his mind on reader and Jamie,but phoebe saves the day? Thanks and best wishes✨

Got it! Here ya go! Thank you for requesting 💙

take your time while you’re mine

Roy is your brother. Molly is your sister. Phoebe is your niece. You’re a Kent, and (in your opinion) you’re the worst one. Roy’s all about football and coaching and being grumpy, Molly is a badass doctor/mom, and Phoebe is, well, Phoebe. She’s way cooler than any of you, and she’s only eight. 

You feel like you’ve been clawing and scratching your way to the top ever since you were younger, trailing after Roy and Molly.

You forged your own path, acquiring university degrees like it was your job. You let work consume you, traversing the world in a journey of self-discovery until Molly called you one day, with the news that Phoebe’s dad was gone for good. She didn’t ask, but you answered anyway. You dropped everything and flew back to London.

You’ve been around ever since, changing diapers, taking Phoebe to school, going to Roy’s football matches. You’d settled into your own skin a little more, and although it wasn’t a path you chose, it was a path you loved.

Your favorite was hanging around after matches, waiting for Roy to drive you home. You got to talk to his teammates and joke around with them about Roy’s gruff demeanor. There was only one you didn’t like. Jamie Tartt.

You’d have to agree with Roy’s assessment of this one, although Molly banned all talk of Jamie in the house. All it would take is for one of you to start and then you and Roy would just go at it, about how he was a little prick and far too self-righteous and how his stupid, awful hair was nothing compared to his stupid, awful face.

You were glad when he was kicked off the team.

You were upset when he came back.

But, he started hanging around.

His hair was less stupid and his face was less prick-ish, especially when he was cracking dumb jokes to make you laugh.

He’d talk to you while you waited for Roy, then slip away as soon as he appeared.

Jamie-talk was less banned around the house now, but you still didn’t engage. Roy didn’t notice but Molly did, because she cornered you on one of her rare days off to ask you about it.

“You like Jamie,” she states, as you were elbow-deep in dishes.

You look at her, alarmed. “What? No, I don’t. He’s a prick.”

Molly raises an eyebrow (a family trait Phoebe has not yet mastered). “Then why don’t you talk about him?”

You shrug as best you can without flinging soap. “Like I said, he’s a prick. And you were the one who said we couldn’t talk about him.”

Molly returns your shrug. “That was because you both were feeding off each other’s nasty energy. Didn’t want it around Phoebe. But Roy obviously doesn’t hate him anymore, and you’re clearly head-over-heels for him.”

The plate you’re scrubbing slips from your grasp, splashing both you and Molly.

“What makes you say that?” you ask, as casually as possible.

Molly laughs. “Not sure if you’ve forgotten, but I am your older sister. I know more about you than you know about yourself.”

“Fine,” you say, dropping a fork back into the water. “He asked me out two days ago and I said yes because I do like him, but I don’t want Roy finding out, so you’d better not tell him!”

Molly grins. “Fuckin’ knew it. My lips are sealed.” 

—

You’re successfully sneaking around Roy for one month, when the shoe drops. You and Jamie had been taking Phoebe out about once a week when you were positive Roy was either out of town or “getting his old-man rest,” as you like to call it. Seriously, that man could sleep an entire weekend away. 

This time, he and Molly have something at Phoebe’s school. She insisted he come because, quote, “I’m not braving those crazy mums by myself, and you’re scary enough to keep them away.”

Roy says yes, obviously, because he’d do anything for Molly. You would too, which is why you, Phoebe, and Jamie are strolling around Richmond, and why she and Jamie are trying to convince you of their need for ice cream sandwiches. 

“Pheebs, we literally just had ice cream cones. Why do you need an ice cream sandwich?”

“Because it’s lunch time.” The duh in her voice is heavily implied. 

“And, babe, you have sandwiches at lunch,” Jamie adds. 

“It’s a totally different food group,” Phoebe agrees. 

You roll your eyes. “Babes, Moll will absolutely kill me if I let you. No way.”

You’re saved from their rebuttal by a voice saying, “What the fuck is Tartt doing here?”

The three of you jump, startled, and you and Jamie unclasp hands. You turn to see a frowning Roy. 

“Roy!” you say, unconvincing smile on your face, “I thought you were at Phoebe’s school. Where’s Molls?”

Roy’s glare never leaves Jamie’s face. “We left early. Now answer the fucking question.”

 You can see Phoebe starting her mental tab of Roy’s swear words. Of all the times not to have her notebook handy. 

She knows neither you nor Jamie are going to be able to come up with a coherent response so she says, “Uncle Jamie picked us up to get ice cream.”

This registers with Roy, possibly a little too well, because he steps closer to Jamie and growls, “Hang on. Why the fuck does she call you ‘Uncle Jamie?’”

Jamie shrugs, grateful for any moment he’s still breathing. “Dunno. For me lovable personality?”

“No,” says Phoebe, “it’s because you’re dating my aunt so that makes you my uncle!”

Roy turns on Jamie. “You’re fucking what?”

Jamie holds up his hands. “In my defense, I wanted to tell ya. She thought you’d be mad.” He points at you.

“Was I wrong?” you ask, arms crossed, “Or is this another thing you’re going to be overprotective about?”

You can see Roy’s self-control working overtime as he tries to figure out a response that is going to a) not make you mad b) irritate Jamie and c) be appropriate for Phoebe’s ears. He finally settles on a strained, “Great,” and you smile.

“I love Uncle Jamie,” Phoebe says, fully aware of everything Roy is thinking. “He buys me ice cream and makes us laugh.”

Roy gives you a look that says, we’re fucking talking about this later and you pretend not to see it. You feel for Jamie. You have a feeling that 4am practices are about to get a lot more hellish. 

At least you won’t be alone for Roy’s interrogation. You know he’s going to lose his fucking mind when he hears Molly knew this whole time. 

You don’t worry about it yet, though. Right now you just listen to Jamie and Phoebe swear to Roy they haven’t had the chance to get their ice creams yet, and maybe he should take them because it’s getting close to lunch time and they’re quite hungry?

[piko-power]

It wasn't until the Knuckles Series trailer when I realized how much I love Sonic and Knuckles' dynamic.

Honestly, I'm just excited to see these two interact. I know the show's probably not gonna focus more on these two and more on Knuckles and Wade, but them interacting is something I NEED.

Especially since this is after Sonic 2 and they've become (brothers) friends after their confrontation and after Sonic finds out that what Knuckles been through as a child is the same as what Sonic himself went through.

I just wanted to talk about Sonic and Knuckles' growth in their friendship and in themselves and how it makes me feel at the moment because their relationship and brotherhood is gonna drive me crazy and I need to tell EVERYTHING.

Everything will be under the cut since it's gonna be one hell of a ramble post. (btw if you tag this as ship I'll sell your kneecaps to the dark web)

At the beginning of the movie, Sonic suddenly got a visit from his worst enemy that he thought was banished to the dreaded Mushroom hellscape. He didn't expect him to bring any company, however.

An Echidna. The same species who nearly took Sonic's life and took Longclaw's.

Sonic only knew these Echidna best from the day where he lost everything. He couldn't save Longclaw in time from the Echidna tribe. He did blame himself, but deep down he was also mad at the Echidna.

So it was understandable that Sonic wouldn't be so pleased to see an Echidna in his house.

It's one thing if Robotnik came back, but a random Echidna who swore to destroy Sonic at any cost? Sonic ain't having none of that.

The Echidna took away something dear to him once, he won't let it happen again.

There's just one problem: Knuckles is WAY too strong for Sonic. He may have the speed, but he didn't have the punches like Knuckles.

Clearly it was quite a terrifying moment for Sonic. He couldn't fight back against the Echidna and he even knew about Longclaw.

From his POV, it was all shocking. Of course later on in the movie, he finds out that the Owls and Echidna were at war for the longest time over the Master Emerald.

So it's no wonder that Knuckles is after Sonic, who was raised by Longclaw.

So the fact that Sonic and Knuckles thought they were both bad guys is actually pretty messed up, since the Owls were the bad guys to the Echidna as well, so Knuckles thought that Sonic was the bad guy too.

MAN-

And after learning more about the Master Emerald, it was Sonic (and Tails') mission to make sure the Emerald is safe and make sure Robotnik BUT ESPECIALLY KNUCKLES don't get their hands on it.

Everything about Knuckles is a mystery to Sonic. He doesn't know a lot about him. All he knows is that he's after a giant gemstone full of ultimate power.

The power to turn thoughts into reality.

And since Sonic knows that Echidna only want power to themselves and other selfish needs, at least according to him, he knew Knuckles has to be stopped. Robotnik included, but now there is a new threat.

A threat Sonic wished would never come back to his life.

Meanwhile with Knuckles himself...

Knuckles never really thought about sticking around with Robotnik. He only needed his help to find the hedgehog. But after overhearing about ultimate power, Robotnik insists to join Knuckles on his journey.

Knuckles doesn't know a lot about Robotnik and was a first skeptical, but he seemed to be trustworthy. If he wanted to help Knuckles restore power to his people, then he would have to believe that maybe forming an alliance with this man won't be so bad.

After all,

When was the last time Knuckles had a friend? When was the last time Knuckles trusted someone? When was the last time someone liked him, or looked after him?

After what happened to his people?

The closest family member he had was his father, who he and his tribe never came back after their battle. Knuckles was left there, waiting for them to come back.

It eventually dawned on him that they'll never come back.

For the longest time, he went off on his own to find this hedgehog, for vengeance. And to find the Master Emerald in time before he does. (I think he believed he was searching for the Emerald as well.)

Throughout his journey in the galaxy, he came across some trouble along the way. Some scavengers straight up take him away and put him in a Rise of the TMNT ass arena. (You know the one I'm talking about. 😉)

Apparently word goes around about how Echidna are, and Knuckles didn't like this at all. (He won against the beast in case you're curious.)

He did gain some assistance on helping him find the hedgehog, but he wouldn't call them his friends. They are only there to help him without a choice after all.

What caught his and the scavengers' attention was the energy surge that spread through the galaxy from this planet invested with mushrooms.

The first thing he finds is this bald man with weird clothes and a blue quill that looked awfully familiar. This man knows where the hedgehog is and where to find him.

For a while, Knuckles been on his adventure alone after loosing his family. He thought he was better off alone on his journey, but after meeting Robotnik, he never knew that he would befriend this man.

He seems to be smart and makes all kinds of machines, and even has a goat milker. (The king of Bi Men, Agent Stone) If Robotnik can help him find the hedgehog, and the Master Emerald, then Knuckles is fine with being friends with this man.

He never had a friend before, he only had a father. A friend sounds nice. Who wouldn't be friends with Robotnik?

Sonic and Knuckles' view of each other shifted slightly during this scene, in Siberia.

Knuckles is tired of Sonic messing around, saying that he knows nothing about him. All Sonic knows is that his tribe is most famous for ruining his life. (Ouch)

Knuckles didn't take that kindly, stating that he lost everything because of you. His people, his father.

The reason why Knuckles' journey is important to him right now, was his father's last words to him:

"Your moment to honor our tribe will come, but it was not this moment."

Hmmm... That's sound really familiar...

Wait a minute...

WAIT A MINUTE...

"There will come a time where your powers will be needed... But you don't choose that moment. That moment chooses you."

Tom Wachowski said that. Sonic's father.

Those words were similar to what Knuckles' father told him... before he died.

Sonic really didn't know Knuckles. At all.

Yes, what Knuckles is doing is pretty bad. He still assume that Knuckles is gonna use the Emerald for something awful.

But after hearing Knuckles' story on what happened to his people and his father... After what happened to all those Echidna and Longclaw... After figuring out that him and Knuckles' trauma share similarities... After figuring out that they both lost something so important to them...

Sonic just felt... devastated. (The second image even looked like he's on the verge of tears finding out this information. 🥺)

He had zero clue Knuckles went through all that, and just trash talked his tribe right there. Hearing his story just... broke his heart.

He, too, lost everything that day. They both lost everything that day.

Knuckles didn't have to hunt down Sonic because of all that but he did, because since he was technically on the Owl's side, Sonic was also "responsible" for the demise of his tribe.

Knowing that Knuckles believes this just hurts Sonic more. To make things worse, Tails attacked at the wrong time, giving Knuckles the belief that Sonic was tricking him.

At this point of the fight, I believe Sonic doesn't want to fight this guy. Yes, he's on Robotnik's side, but he wished he wasn't.

He knows Robotnik and Knuckles doesn't. Robotnik might mess with the Echidna and just make things worse for him. If he is his ally, the first one he had maybe, then it won't be pretty if Robotnik does something stupid.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what happens next.

The next time they meet was in the Labyrinth, right where the Master Emerald is. Knuckles is done with Sonic's crap, and Sonic is going to stop him.

Sonic really didn't wanted to fight him anymore, and just wanted him and Robotnik to leave the Master Emerald...

But he's not given much choice.

A big fight broke off between two powerful critters over the Emerald, meanwhile Robotnik sneaks off to get the Master Emerald into his grasp.

Thankfully, before things got messy, Sonic pointed out that Robotnik was stealing the Emerald, and this infuriates Knuckles.

This man. This deceiving man, wished to join his side to take out the hedgehog just to take the Emerald for himself.

Robotnik himself even mocked at the fact that Knuckles believed that he and Robotnik were friends. The first friend he ever had, and he straight up betrayed him.

And just like that, he takes the Emerald and leaves. (or Chaos Controlled I think...?)

The place begins to flood and Knuckles gets trapped underwater. Sonic, not okay with the fact he has to go in the water, AGAIN, jumps in anyways to save him.

He cannot let this guy drown. He went through too much crap and he can't let this happen to him. He doesn't care that they fought, he wanted to save him.

Eventually he did, but...

Sonic couldn't swim. He tried to reach out for Knuckles who was getting further and further away from him. He nearly drowned but at the right moment, Knuckles came back down to save him.

They both have a moment together on the beach, throwing sand at each other. XD

Knuckles was confused on why Sonic saved him, despite the fact he tried to destroy him. He says that being a hero isn't about taking care of yourself, instead it's about taking responsibility for other people. Words from his own father.

While Tails was on his way to save Sonic, Knuckles mentions how he and Sonic lost everything and wonders how despite that and failing, how did he kept going?

Simple. He found a new family. New friends. And he can too.

Learning about Knuckles' childhood, and knowing what he been through, and witnessing Robotnik's betrayal to him, it's clear that he need to do something for Knuckles.

He knows that Knuckles isn't the bad guy, he was just used for Robotnik's deeds. Knuckles only wanted what was best for him and his people.

But Sonic knows now what Knuckles really needs.

A family.

Knuckles lost his and so did Sonic. He doesn't want Knuckles to be alone again. He's been alone for too long just like Sonic. He offers Knuckles to join him on his adventure.

But he also wanted him to join his family.

Knuckles is quite surprised about the offer. It's understandable.

All they've been doing whenever they meet is fight, but after learning about themselves, after a small quiet talk with each other, Sonic just...

Smiles and offers his hand. He doesn't want him to be alone anymore.

Knuckles just looks at him. It look liked he was unsure about the offer for a split second. But he's thinking about it, as Sonic smiled at him.

After everything they've done to each other, Sonic is willing to help him out and give him everything he truly needed without even knowing what he truly needed.

Sonic, according to Knuckles, is a strange hedgehog, but has a heart of gold. He seems to be strong too after all this time. He lost everything, but he never gave up. Not even once, even when things get tough.

He gained a new family because of that.

Knuckles respects that. Mentally anyway.

It will take some time to process and adjust everything, but if what Sonic's saying is true, about not being alone anymore...

Then Knuckles believes him.

After taking the offer, a lot happened afterwards.

Him and Sonic and Tails fight against a giant Eggman Mech.

He gave Robotnik a taste of his medicine and retrieve the Master Emerald before him and Tails fall to the ground.

He and Tails witnessed Tom, Maddie and Sonic getting crushed by Robotnik, before seeing that Sonic absorbed the power of the Emeralds.

Tries to protect Tom and Maddie from a possible corrupted Sonic, but then gets slapped by a chili dog.

He and his newfound friends made a vow to protect the Master Emerald.

And plays baseball for the first time with his friends and goes out for victory ice cream.

It's safe to say that Sonic and Knuckles' friendship means a lot to me than I thought. With the Knuckles series coming out, I am excited to see what will happen between them.

It's clear that it will be just older and younger brother shenanigans and I am all here for it.

I love their dynamic a lot, but now I'm a little obsessed with them at the moment. Their origins and their differences and how they grew together is really special to me.

I love Sonic and Tails' dynamic but Sonic and Knuckles' is something I never really thought of a lot until now.

Every time I watch Sonic 2, I just feel so happy for Knuckles now that he's got friends and family who love him and look out for him.

In fact, after watching Sonic 2 for the first time, almost two years ago, I loved Knuckles a lot. I used to think he was a fine character. I enjoy his character, but after watching the movie, he became one of my top 10 favorite characters.

I love him so much and I cannot wait to see more of my favorite version of Knuckles, and more of Sonic and Knuckles' interactions.

[moonxnite]

Stay With Me, Doll.

Daryl Dixon x Reader, Rick Grimes x Reader (platonic)

Summary: Y/n’s a lone wolf, she has a horse and a house so she didn’t feel the need to stay in a community or sanctuary. That is, until Daryl manages to convince the reader to stay with him in Alexandria.

Y/n liked to travel a lot, she didn’t particularly stick to one community, instead she had multiple connections to them. To Y/n, she only had one true best friend, which was her horse, Myra. To be frank, Y/n liked spending time alone and she preferred it that way.

Y/n always made sure to check in with every community and was welcomed to stay in each, all for which she politely declined. Everyone from Rick, Maggie, Ezekiel, and surprisingly Negan all thought Y/n was crazy but respected her wishes. Daryl understood her lifestyle and respected her for it.

Y/n liked Daryl, a lot.

She also hated him because he always made her blush and giggle like a schoolgirl.

She just didn’t know that he liked her back.

Making her grand entrance at Alexandria, Y/n couldn’t wait to see her friends, but also her love. Arriving at the gate, Y/n was allowed to enter and walked amongst the field to allow Myra to be taken care of and fed. She smiled as she spotted Rick but her smile grew wilder as she saw Daryl. Running out of excitement, Y/n rushed into Daryl’s arms to which he caught her and spinned her around.

‘What a bunch of teenagers,’ Rick thought as he witnessed the bittersweet moment, wishing he could capture it on camera.

“Oh my gosh how I missed you so much!” Y/n exclaimed loudly as she hugged Daryl tightly.

“I missed yer too” Daryl exchanged back

“So no one missed me?” Rick questioned

“You know I do, come here!” You smiled as you pulled Rick in a hug

The trio made their way into Rick’s house, everyone was caught of guard when Y/n screamed and jumped as she reunited with Carl and Judith. The rest of the gang all rushed inside the house to welcome Y/n and celebrated a dinner for their favorite member. Upon hours of her stay, Carol and Michonne gave Y/n a grand tour of the community while also introducing her to new recruits. As the sun came down and the moon said hello, Y/n made her way to Daryl’s house

Y/n’s heart kept fluttering as she made her way, smiling and blushing during her walk, she hoped one of these days she would confess.

But not tonight.

“Hi” She smiled

“Hey” He replied back

“Is it okay if I spend the night here? I promise I won’t disturb you too much, I’ll be on my way tomorrow morning” She said softly

That was the problem with Daryl. He wanted her to stay with him but he knew she preferred to stay alone. Daryl wanted to join her so many times but he couldn’t leave his friends and family, but oh how badly he wanted to leave with Y/n.

“Uh sure, why don’t you stay here?” He asked

“I am silly! I’m staying here for today” She knew what he was referring to but she couldn’t find the heart to have this conversation now

“No, I mean why don’t you stay in Alexandria. Why are you always alone?”

She knew that she had to answer the question to them, to him. She just hoped he would understand.

“I’m not always alone, I have Myra and a house. I guess I like being alone on my own journey.”

“But why? You can stay here with us, with me.” Daryl’s voice began to tremble and it nearly broke her heart. She didn’t mean to hurt him but it was one of the reasons why she was always afraid to commit. She hated hurting others, whether she meant it or not.

“Oh no Daryl, I’m sorry didn’t mean to upset you.” She walked towards him, placing her palms beside his face. She could see the pain written across his face.

“It’s fine” He mumbled, he attempted to push her hands away but he couldn’t. He loved all the affection she gave him.

“It’s just that-” Y/n stuttered, “I get scared of opening up to people. I do have you guys, and I’m grateful for the hospitality, it’s just that I get scared that if I stay, I’ll get close to everyone and have to deal with a loss that I always tend to avoid. I’m afraid of losing people because I lost so much ever since this happened. I’m scared that if something happened to you, it would hurt way more than I could take.” Y/n felt every bone of her body weakened as she admitted, she could feel the relief exiting out her body but could feel herself getting fragile as she spoke.

“I get ya” Daryl spoke “It’s not easy losing folks and it never will, I can’t give ya a happy pep talk about loss but I can say that losing people without ever knowing em’ is something you will regret. I would hate to lose more folks but I am to glad to know em.”

Y/n never thought of it like that. Daryl made sense and it finally clicked in her head that its worth trying to settle into Alexandria, with him. She always hated commitment in a community because she was always expected higher from others but if it meant having an actual family and living with Daryl, Y/n would be an idiot if she left that morning.

“Stay” Daryl pulled her back into reality

“Hm?”

“Stay with me, doll.” Her heart fluttered

It was Daryl’s turn to place his palms around her face. His eyes set deep inside hers. The silence was so loud they could hear each others heart’s practically beating so loud. Daryl continued to stare into Y/n’s eyes and slowly began capturing their lips together into a sweet gentle kiss.

“Stay with me”

“Okay, I’ll stay you.”

Daryl pulled Y/n back into a kiss, both smiling as their new lives began.

[gffa]

I feel like this is a really foundational part of John’s character and why he’s not meant to be portrayed as evil or anything, but instead that he’s Just A Fucking Guy who was got really fucked up by all of this and incrementally bad decision.  I mean, aside from dedicating large chunks of the story to telling it from his perspective, it strikes me as very much being about a character who was put in a position where things wouldn’t be made better by doing everything in a pure and wholesome sort of way, because the world didn’t get fucked by working by wholesome rules. And I think a lot of that is coming from a Kiwi perspective, there’s a reason John is a Maori character, that’s undivorcable from his perspective as a character and the narrative, and it’s combining with this sense of... nobody was going to listen, everything was going to stay fucked unless they actually did something and there wasn’t really a perfect answer, there was just all the choices that had come before and then the next one right in front of them. Like with the cow wall, how everyone focused on oooh cows have best friends, oooh cows watch sunsets, instead of focusing on how there were massive ships being filled with live staff instead of cryo frozen staff, which meant millions fewer people could be saved.  (”In the cryo cans, we could cram in billions, that was cryo's saving grace. Whereas they were staffing ships with a living crew, no sleepers, big-ass ships with thousands of live staff. When we pointed that out they kept saying we were crazy, we were kooks, we were monsters. They kept saying cows watched sunsets. At that point I wished I'd used the fucking conspiracy theorists instead of the cows.”) John didn’t do the cow wall as a moment of No Return, but that there wasn’t really any better options that he could think of in the moment.  That’s what his journey feels like--every choice he makes is one that’s in the moment, all he has is the context of how many times people ignored what they were screaming about, how many times they let trillionaires get away with live staff instead of cryo-freezing, how many times they’d tried talking and nobody listened until the shit was scared out of them and they had to listen. And that you can’t just wave your hand and find a nice, easy answer.  How though. is such an interesting thread to put in there, especially in a series with necromancy and bone magic, but how are you going to use that to change anything? and that’s not a question with an easy answer. Like, John’s fucked up and doing fucked up things.  Once you get outside of his perspective, you see the universe is in pretty shitty shape, I’ve spent like half of Nona the Ninth from the perspective of refugees who have it rough, even if Blood of Eden isn’t exactly the greatest, you know with the burning suspected necromancers alive in cages and such, but also John’s war against the galaxy doesn’t exactly seem like it’s helping people, no matter what his perspective is. But I get how he got there and why it’s not just a single point of having snapped--it’s a lifetime of desperately trying to get people to listen and everyone going on about the cows instead of the real problems, so you just sort of go, right then, I’m God now you have to do what the fuck I say, because you’re trying to save the fucking planet and you’re the only one who seems to actually be doing jack fucking all about it.

[karrenseely]

Emotional Regulation

So I have CPTSD. Everything I've read mostly points to this being a lifelong condition (yay :P) that is incredibly difficult for all of us whom suffer from it. I know it has been for me. I honestly don't know if I'd have developed it if my parents had been loving, supportive, and understanding like they should have. Because, even if they had been, I would still have likely had many many years of gas lighting from society, them, and my extended family to be a gender other than what I was. And that takes its toll on anyone's psyche.

But who knows, maybe if they'd been really supportive, then I wouldn't have had years of thinking I was crazy or shameful, maybe I would have transitioned really young as soon as I could tell them they were wrong. Then all I'd have to deal with is some body dysphoria. But then even that can take its toll as well. So I really couldn't say if I was destined to have this incredibly difficult mental health condition or not.

Either way, I really wish I'd had the loving supportive family every child deserves. I really wish I didn't find my psyche shattering as I grew up, getting stuck repeatedly at every traumatic event that I can remember, and actively forgetting everything I couldn't along with most of my other memories. Such that now, my memories consist of shattered disorganized shards scattered over the floor, most of those shards long since missing. It's really difficult to live when all you really have is now.

People talk about their childhoods like there's this linear well established timeline in their memories. It was a long time before I realized this was the typical way people remember their past. That for most people, they can remember approximately when such a memory occurred, in sequence with another. Even now, this is so foreign to me. I remember things in disjointed pieces, any one memory is not connected to any other. And few, if any, are connected to a specific time that I can locate.

Then there is the ability to remember what you did yesterday, or last week, or even last month in day to day life. That it's hard to know what's happened and what's been done recently. This was particularly bad when I was dissociating all the time, fortunately, therapy has helped with that part, and I don't do it as much and I can remember more of my day to day life. But even now, there are still significant holes in my memories of adult life. And admittedly as I struggle through my current flare of CPTSD symptoms, I sometimes wish I could dissociate like I used to so that I don't have to feel all of this horrible stuff. It hurts like hell.

If someone created the universe, they must be one of the most sadistic assholes to have ever existed, making it so healing is so effing painful, much less making thinking feeling beings feed off of one another.

In this journey of trying to heal, I've encountered many people talking about how, when we were abused as children we didn't develop our emotional regulation skills like normal loved, unabused kids do. I always found these comments or suppositions confusing. In large part due to the fact that I don't really understand what emotional regulation means. As a child, trying to survive, the only thing that worked, that made things even remotely bearable was dampening down on emotions until I didn't feel hardly anything at all. I wasn't particularly good at this, I still had feelings but they were distorted hazy half hearted things that would escape out, usually as anger, irritability, sadness, often fear, sometimes even joy would get out. But none were fully formed, or fully embraced, because if I did, then the pain would be in full force, the shame, the horror I constantly felt at what I was going through. So I did my best to damp down my emotions to almost nothing, and dissociate as much as I could so that I didn't have to feel or atleast remember feeling all those horrible things I felt. And the plus side to dissociation is that you truly only live in the moment. You can forget so much that way. You can ride the bus to school, but not remember any of it, just one moment you're at home and the next, poof, you're at school, and the next, poof, it's time to go home again and get on the bus, and poof the next you're at home again... you get the idea.

Emotions when all of the above were unsuccessful and I felt them anyway, usually it was the really really bad ones. And they were felt at 120% full blast. It was either 10 mph, or 120 mph. No inbetween. But people who talk about the ability to regulate emotions describe it as having inbetweens. Not having to feel the full blast, but not suppressing it completely either.

For the longest time when I encountered that phrase around emotional regulation, my mind just skittered past it, as it didn't make any sense to me. But I found myself thinking about it a couple months ago. And some kind fellow people with CPTSD pointed me to links that helped to explain the concept... except, those links were mostly just confusing. And unfortunately, my brain interpreted them as, "you are deficient, you're inability to regulate is your fault." Which didn't help. I honestly don't know if those explanations actually implied that, but it's what it felt like. Maybe because I didn't understand what they were saying.

Then... recently I returned to work, full time. And an interesting, if sucky, thing happened. I was fine at work, I could joke, I could laugh and have fun with coworkers and feel empathy for my patients and basically function somewhat like a typical human being in what I imagine is a healthy fashion. But as soon as I left work and went home, I had no energy left to keep the intrusive memories and emotions in check. And I would immediately start to crash. Spiraling down the rabbit hole of all those horrible memories. Nothing had specifically triggered them, it's just I ran out of spoons and they took over. I'd used up all my spoons at work.

Obviously, I'd overestimated my ability to return to full time work, but also it felt like there was an insight here. And it came down to my emotional bandwidth. If I had enough emotional energy, enough spoons, then minor triggers that normally would have lead me back down that lovely negative spiral, wouldn't actually set me off, and I could continue to function. And this was the neat part, I could continue to function without having all my walls slam down and turn everything numb. But, if I run out of that energy, if I run out of those spoons, then any little thing can set me down that self destructive spiral.

And the more I've thought about this, the more I think this is what people mean when they talk about emotional regulation. That most people have a large fount of this emotional energy to buffer against the extremes. And thus can handle day to day joys, stresses and hurtful things without completely falling apart. If this is the case then I guess I've developed some emotional regulation after all, though it's limited.

But why is it so limited? Why didn't I have any before? And the more I look at it. I see it in terms of bandwidth, energy, and/or spoons. Before, when I was having to live in survival mode, all of my emotional energy was being used to just survive. I was constantly in fight or flight. There was no energy to spare for nuance. My bandwidth was incredibly limited because so much of it was taken up with just surviving from one day to the next, with constant vigilance. But when we are no longer in those situations, and just as importantly, when we are not constantly flashing back to those situations, we start to have that bandwidth become available for the nuance. We can start feeling things in between because we have the energy to do so. It's no longer entirely about survive or die.

And that's the worst part about flashbacks. Even though I'm no longer in that constant life or death situation, those flashbacks have me believing I am. And contrary to popular media's depiction of flashbacks, most of the time it's not getting stuck in a living visual memory of an event. No, the vast majority of those flashbacks are emotional flashbacks. Getting stuck in the feelings of the event, the feelings I couldn't suppress anymore, the constant feeling of being in danger, of having my life, my very existence threatened, which brings on the constant sense of danger, of fight or flight. Which means, no emotional energy for anything else, except the extremes. Everything in my life currently can be perfectly fine, safe, wonderful even. But if I'm stuck in an emotional flashback, none of the current circumstances matter, because I'm emotionally back in survival mode, feeling constantly threatened, trying to survive, trying to decide if I need to fight or run. And if I'm stuck there... then there isn't any emotional energy left for anything else.

The really effing sucky part, is that often I don't know I'm in an emotional flashback until after it's gone away, and I can see looking back that how I was feeling didn't fit at all with what was actually happening at the time. I reacted to an outside observer in a rather extreme, or worse in a completely irrational manner. But then when I'm in the middle of it, I guess it's understandable that I have a hard time recognizing it, as all my energy is directed towards surviving, towards keeping the pain and my fears at bay.

So maybe emotional regulation is just having enough emotional energy to filter the experiences you're having into a much more nuanced pattern, rather than having to sort things into binary extremes of bad, not bad. And if that's the case, then maybe, just maybe, I am healing, because I'm starting to free up some of my bandwidth to start sorting out the nuances... even if I can't quite identify what those nuances are yet.

[petitelepus]

A Loner's Unexpected Journey, Part 18

Kimetsu Academy!Genya Shinazugawa X Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Genya continue where you were left off.

Warnings: SMUT, SEX, GENYA, AND READER ARE OFFICIALLY ADULTS NOW

A/N: Modern!AU, Kimetsu Academy, Female Reader, Genya Shinazugawa

PART 1 II PART 2 II PART 3 II PART 4 II PART 5 II PART 6 II PART 7 II PART 8 II PART 9 II PART 10 II PART 11 II PART 12 II PART 13 II PART 14 II PART 15 II PART 16 II PART 17 II PART 18

The two of you were kissing passionately, your soft luscious breasts pressing against Genya's chest and he felt like blushing, but honestly, all his blood went down between his legs. He was so hard, it nearly hurt him physically and it didn't help how your sex was just above his cock. You were so close to him, that he could feel the warmth radiating from you.

Finally, you pulled away from the kiss to catch your breath and Genya had to ask, "Where did you-? How do you- How do you know so much?"

How did you know this much? Had you done this before? Was there someone before him? Deep down he knew he was your only one, but he couldn't help the thoughts from bubbling up into the surface. That's why he asked.

"Research." You replied and he blinked, "W- what?"

"I've done my research…" You panted as you leaned down and kissed his strong neck. Genya groaned, wrapping his arms around you, not knowing what else he could do other than to hold you as you peppered his neck with kisses and-!

"Gnh!" He grunted as he felt you nibble his neck, not even close to breaking the skin but enough for it to sting and leave a mark. Or so you wished, but you had never done this before so you weren't sure if you were doing it right… But damn were you willing to try.

You moved down, peppering his neck and chest with kisses and nibbles until you came face to face with his left nipple. Curiosity got the best of you and you blew some cool air on the little bud before wrapping your lips around it and sucking. Genya growled as you sucked and licked his nipple, your left hand moving to tweak and tease his other one, before switching sides.

"I should…!" He panted, "I should do this to you-!"

"Genya…" You hummed and he looked at you, "Y- yes?"

"It's your birthday. Enjoy it." You smiled as you sat up on his thighs to admire him.

Genya was absolutely a work of God and you worshipped him like he was supposed to. You leaned back down, kissing the scar on his chest, the one on his upper left arm and then you kissed the one going almost across his face.

Genya was a little stunned as you showered him with kisses. He had heard his scars were ugly and scary, but you treated them like they were part of him. Parts that you loved like you loved him. The young man closed his eyes as you kissed his eyelids and you smiled as you pressed your lips against his.

This time, as you were kissing, you licked his lower lip and Genya realized that you wanted to deepen the kiss. He swallowed nervously, before opening his mouth and your tongues met in the middle, so shy and barely touching each other.

Slowly, the two of you started to get a hang of it and the kiss turned deeper and more… Primal. You both moaned softly against each other and Genya felt his cock throb against your thigh, eager for more, but he was so nervous.

"W- wait…" He pulled apart from the kiss and you looked at him in confusion, "W- what, did I do something wrong?"

"No, I just…" The young man looked at you, "H- how are you not nervous?"

"Nervous?" You blinked in confusion, but as you realized what he meant, you gently grasped his hand and pressed his palm between your breasts, right above your heart. You swallowed as you smiled wobbly, "My heart is going crazy for you."

Genya's eyes widened and his instincts took over, his free hand shooting up and grabbing the back of your head as he pulled you down for a kiss. Your eyes widened before slipping shut as you kissed him back, just as passionately.

In the heat of the moment, Genya grabbed you and you yelped as the world turned upside down and you were suddenly underneath him.

"It was your birthday also, just a few days ago…!" Genya said, "So let me do something for you."

You swallowed nervously before nodding and Genya growled as he latched into your neck, sucking and biting, and unlike you, he was definitely leaving marks all over your upper body. You moaned as your hips rolled against his, Genya's cock rubbing against your thigh and it set him off.

"Mine…!" He growled as he grabbed your breasts and latched into your nipple for change, feverously sucking and biting you.

"Genya…!" You moaned in pleasure. It felt like Genya moved purely by his instincts. His right hand moved down and between your legs, but before he could touch you, you yelped and he stopped immediately like he regained some of his control back.

"Do you…?" He panted, "Do you want to continue?"

"Yes," You nodded, "Do you?"

"More than anything." He grunted as he bit down on your neck and gently pressed his finger against your sex, collecting your wetness before pushing a finger inside. You moaned quietly and Genya groaned, feeling your soft inside cling to his finger as he started to open you.

"Genya…" You whispered breathlessly and he lifted his head enough to look at you, "Yes?"

"You don't need to…" You swallowed, "I… I prepared myself while I was in the shower."

Genya's eyes widened in shock and you blushed as you looked aside, "But… Take your time if you want…?"

"Fuck!" He cursed as he got up and kissed you hard. You both moaned as you kissed, your hands intertwining with his wild hair and his squeezing your hips and breasts. When you pulled away, he got up enough so he could reach towards the drawer for the condoms and lube he had seen earlier.

He picked up the condom packet and flipped it open, snatching one and ripping it open with his teeth before rolling it over his cock… Or attempting to, but it didn't go properly.

"Fuck!" The young man cursed and you smiled a little, slightly amused, "Take your time."

"I-!" He groaned as he took in deep breath to relax and threw the condom on the floor, reaching for another one. Deep down he knew his brother would kill him if he tried to do anything without a condom on and Genya wanted to be sure for your sake also.

So he grabbed another condom and tried again, this time succeeding. He couldn't help but pump his cock a little, groaning in pleasure before reaching for the lube. He squirted a generous amount on his hand and made sure to completely coat himself and he used the rest of the lube to coat your sex, easily slipping three fingers in.

"G- Genya!" You moaned as your hips wiggled, "I said I prepared myself-!"

"I know." He nodded, "But I want to be sure. I don't want you to be in any pain."

You looked up at him and saw hearts. He was putting your comfort before anything else. That meant so much to you. You smiled as you grabbed his cheeks and pulled him down for a quick kiss.

You smiled, "Happy birthday Genya."

"For you too." He smiled as he pulled his fingers out and grabbed the base of his cock, positioning it to your opening, and started to slowly push in.

"Ah…" You sighed as you felt him stretch you, but you weren't in pain. Genya however ground his teeth together as he tried his hardest not to snap his hips against yours and bury himself as deep as he could, as fast as he could. Your comfort was his number one priority, whether you had prepared yourself or not.

Finally, his hips pressed against yours and he was completely inside you. He stopped, letting you and himself get used to the new alien feeling…

…But fuck, you felt so good around his cock, squeezing him as those constrictor snakes did to their prey, but thankfully you weren't going to eat him. You were going to devour him, but not that way! At least not again.

"M- may I move?" He asked and you nodded as you sighed, "Please…"

Genya grabbed your hips and started to slowly pull out and press back inside. It was new, but felt good, having his cock brush and press against those parts inside you that made your toes curl in pleasure. It was so good it was almost scary.

"Keep…" You sighed as your head fell back on the pillow, "Please, keep going…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," You nodded desperately, "Please Genya?"

The young man groaned as he started to pick the pace. After a second or two, he started to get the hang of the pace that worked best for both of you, using his hold on your hips to pull you closer when he thrust inside you. Once that was realized, he picked up his pace and soon the whole room was filled with two of your moaning and the sound of your hips colliding with each other.

Genya was groaning and grunting and it sounded so primal and sexy, but you were embarrassed by the mewls and moans that slipped past your lips. So to silence yourself, you grabbed the back of your lover's head and pulled him down to kiss you. You were still moaning, but now it was at least against his lips.

The young man pulled back from the kiss to gasp for air, so you brought your hand to your mouth to bite on your fingers, but Genya immediately pulled your hand away and pinned it next to your head.

"Genya, no, I sound so embarrassing…!" You whined pitifully and God that was sexy to him.

"You're so sexy…! Make more cute sounds for me?" He groaned as he bent down and bit your neck hard enough to leave a mark and you cried out as your hips bucked against his and you both moaned in pleasure. Soon you felt your orgasm approaching, both you and Genya.

"I'm going to… Going to come…!" He snarled and you whined as you felt your own release lurking just around the corner.

"Go ahead, please!" You cried out and Genya couldn't hold on any longer, coming violently, tugging your hips tightly against his as if he was trying to shoot his load as deep inside you as he could, but his condom caught everything.

As he orgasmed, you came a little after him, and you could feel your sex squeezing around his cock, like you were trying to milk him dry, but yet again, his condom caught every drop of his cum. The two of you were panting as you looked at each other so lovingly and you soon realized that Genya was still somehow hard.

"Want to…" He panted, "Want to continue?"

"Yes please?" You smiled a little and he grinned.

The night went on like that, the two of you fucking like wild animals and in multiple different positions also. Condom after condom was filled and it almost looked like the night of passion would never come to an end… But finally, even the two of you ran out of stamina and fell asleep in each other's arms.

Genya woke up the next morning to the smell of food. The young man blinked tiredly as he rubbed his eyes and the memories of last night came crashing into his mind. You and him, the two of you did it! You had sex!

He looked around the bedroom floor, remembering how he had tied and thrown every condom on the floor that he had used and filled with his cum… But the floor was clean, there weren't even traces of cum anywhere.

Genya heard a click and he flinched as he looked up and saw you peek into the room, "Genya? Are you awake?"

"Y- yes, I am!" He replied and you opened the door wider with your hips while you carried a tray in your hands, filled with toast, eggs, and bacon, made exactly how Genya liked them.

"I hope you don't mind, but I made you some breakfast?"

"T- Thank you…" Genya gently accepted the tray and put it carefully on his lap, but he had to ask, "What is this all for?"

"I just…" You blushed and you pouted cutely, "I just felt like spoiling my beloved one."

"I…" He swallowed nervously, "Thank you."

"No worries." You smiled and Genya smiled a little also, but then he noticed that you were wearing nothing but your panties and a very loose tank top that he recognized as one of his own. The shirt was way too huge for you, but Genya could see every single bruise, hickey, and bitemark he had left on your upper body and he was filled with both horror and… Pride?

"Genya?"

Your lover flinched, realizing that you had asked something from him and he hadn't heard, "Sorry, what did you say?"

"Would you like coffee or tea?"

"Tea, please?"

You smiled, "Coming right up."

You left the room and Genya smiled as he looked down at the generous meal you had prepared for him. Was this how it worked after sex? Would he get each morning such a feast? He better not get comfortable, but it felt nice. You came back soon with two cups of tea in your hands and handed one to your lover as you sat by the bed's edge.

"Last night…" You tried to continue, but you couldn't help but blush and smile nervously so you hid your lower face with your cup, "I mean… It was amazing…"

"M- me too…" Genya nodded as he bit into his eggs and after swallowing he blushed a little, "You… Have you been cleaning?"

"A little," You admitted before chucking a little, "I can't believe we spent almost half of the whole package of condoms!"

Genya blushed as he looked aside, "Y- yeah…"

"Well, it just tells that you were having a nice time." You chuckled as you leaned down and kissed his temple since he was hiding his blushing face.

"Aren't you…" He mumbled quietly and you hummed, confused since you couldn't hear him properly, "Am I what?"

"Aren't you sore from l- last night?" He asked a little louder this time. You blinked as you registered his words and then it was your turn to blush. You hummed a little as you sipped your tea and then smiled a little, "I don't think so?"

"N- not even a little?"

"Well…" You looked at Genya and he was almost taken aback by your genuinely sweet smile, "I had a loving partner who made sure I was feeling good and safe."

Hearing this made the young man smile and he tapped his lower lip with the tip of his finger and you took the hint and leaned down to kiss him.

"I love you so much." You whispered and Genya returned your sweet words, "I love you too."

[brainrawt]

Jordayla Proposal 5x20 - my (early) thoughts

I was not prepared for the proposal to be Jordan and Layla’s! That wasn’t what I had wanted for them. Jordan had a very long teen marriage plot, in which the show made it clear the whole time that it was a bad idea, even when Jordan was up for it. Getting married at 17: bad idea, wrong, shouldn’t happen; Getting married at 19: good idea (???) What, from the characters’ perspective, not ours, is different? I’ve been thinking about this all week lol, and I’m almost there, but I actually wish the show would explicitly tell me.

Obviously what moved me was Layla’s joy! I can’t get over it. She has opened herself to Jordan completely. There is no fear, she loves and trusts him enough to do something crazy with him. Layla wants someone to stay, and this is the biggest commitment ever, he will stay quite literally until death does them apart. She was missing a family for so long, and now she has one of her own. Not only does Layla feel that it’s a good idea, she believes it! In s3, she couldn’t bear to see Jordan go along with his plans with Simone because it wasn’t his path, and she speaks up, even when she had no stakes. If she thought they couldn’t or shouldn't get married, she would’ve said no. Saying yes is just so fresh for Layla’s character and exactly what I dreamed to see. 

Jordan saying “When I'm with you, I feel like I'm home.” is everything, given his entire life was uprooted recently. He chased an identity in his father, he was always uncertain and insecure, but now he feels at home. “You know who else makes a great pair? Jordan and Layla (…) Hashtag couple goals” - Cute moment but these are real reflections! He thinks they’re compatible, they were able to help their friends. He thinks of Layla as family already, she’s Liv’s sister and Laura’s bonus baby. 

Liv described Jordan: “He’s impulsive, he does things without thinking.” Yes, he is impulsive and he has still matured greatly. I have loved Jordan’s personal arc, and I don’t think he has to lose his character traits to be ‘complete’, nor do I think he needs to be ‘complete’ to get married. I see a lot of Joey/Pacey in Jordan/Layla and there’s a quote from them that goes: “Part of his recklessness is that he’s constantly surprising me and part of his rashness is that he’s intensely passionate.” This quote has never left me and I think it suits Jordayla well. These things about them can be true and make their love great. In a way, I think his decision is commemorative of his dad, but not because it's some product of his trauma. After a tortuous, life-long journey, Jordan and Billy ended in a good place, and football wasn’t their sticking point. They bonded over Jordan’s love and happiness with Layla. Jordan was robbed of more of those conversations but he knew Billy would’ve encouraged him. “Tell Layla she has my approval”, that’s what he’s doing. Maybe his father son prophecy isn’t to be a NFL QB, maybe it’s to embrace the love of his life. 

Jordan and Layla honestly do give me the vibes of a couple that would get married young. I have nothing against young marriage. I love young love in all its sweet, endearing, naive, full force, unprecedented glory. I just can’t stand when its young people trying to be grown ups lol. But in the proposal, Jordan and Layla seem so young and I LOVE it. From Layla's pigtails to the way they’re not super dressed up. They’re not at a bar or a record label event. How giddy they both are, Layla is giggling and gasping the entire time, and Jordan is just bustling around nervously. She lights up at the pretty ring and is excited to put it on, and they can’t get their hands off each other. Beyond obsessed at how he hugs her first, again so sweet and youthful, and a reminder that they are best friends! It’s like he wanted to share his joy with his best friend before he wanted to kiss his fiance, you know?! In general, they are very much a young couple in the way they flirt, get each other flustered, gossip, fight and make up, talk about each other to their friends, giggle and say hi. It's adorable and refreshing to the show, and the scene captured it well. I find the unbridled youngness of their love SO romantic and I like that the writers embraced it. I like that Jordan isn't pretending to be sensible, and I find it hilarious that he splurged on a ring and wanted to assure her before she answered that she deserved a fancy proposal with fireworks. Come on she’s a Material Gworl - they both are. And adorably well-suited, given that Layla is also a Wedding Girl! She knew what wedding dress she wanted like 10 years ago, and Jordan is absolutely a Groomzilla. Good for them, they enjoy weddings and they can have a great one together. It’s not something dutiful, it's not something otherly, it's something great and all theirs!

In developing their relationship, they’ve barrelled through it all. They could not love each other or want to be together, more. People say they haven’t been tested – just because you pass a test it doesn't mean you weren’t tested. Jordayla’s challenges have not been typical either, no break ups or other love interests etc, so it's cool that the next step for them is them figuring out marriage. It's not that they're going to just get whisked away this second and pop out babies. 

They have so much love to share. I love that throughout the hardship of Billy’s death, their love brought some love and light to their friends and family. Their relationship was the only thing that made Olivia smile, their coming out dinner allowed everyone to joke around and be happy for them. They were the light in those dark times. They have so much more love to give each other and everyone else! Asher said at his first wedding (lol) that Jordan was the glue for their friendship, I still believe this and putting this wedding at the centre of their vortex is good for everyone I think.

I enjoyed how it played out on-screen, your suspicions grew throughout the episode and yet none of us actually knew it was Jordan. So fun! I love how the scene cuts from Jaymee saying “...then who was the ring for?” to Jordan proposing. The immediate buzz from seeing them, and such an intimate moment, it was just gorg. It reminded me of 5x04 when their “I’m glad we slowed things down” scene cuts to them in bed. I know some people would’ve liked to see these events unfold but to me the gag of it all is just too good. The first watch experience is too perfect. They have other great slow rewatchable scenes like 5x03, 5x14 etc so there’s a great balance and I wouldn’t trade any of them. 

From a story perspective, I am excited about the potential of this. I think it will speed up our timeline. If we’re fazing out the adult stories now, I’d much rather see this! Definitely want to see all the character-focused stories, their bachelor(ette) parties, in-law scenes, all sorts of things. I’m excited to hear Layla’s voice re: their relationship. We did once in the Homecoming scene telling Simone that Jordan stayed, I want more!

The whole engagement is so unexpected and exciting that it gives me butterflies. I have no choice but to get on board because how is it that this same ship still gives me butterflies?! I felt this way in their “What are we?” era at the end of last season and yet again now in their engaged era. I don’t know how this will play out, but if it was up to me, they wouldn’t get married until late in the season, especially given that there’s likely more seasons to come. I want seeing them up there, having made it from the proposal to the altar, to feel suuuper earned. I hope they stay this fresh and exciting. I do get bored when ships get too far into being the “parent couple” so I hope I don’t live to see that day with my beloved Jordayla. I know the proposal is for a reason, the writers have a vision. By showing them at better and worse (5x11 onwards), in sickness and health (5x18), the build up was stunning and this couple has never failed me before.

[theyarebothgunshot]

Your tag under this post here so true. Also the post itself. I'm always having a blast when everyone is joined in the craziness, but at the same time I'm always exhausted afterwards 😆

lmao yes so true, it is chaotic in the best way hfdhhsf but i finally have time to freak out some more after being a "responsible adult" all day......

it's been a while since i have done a compilation like this but i dont wanna clog the dash and it's all about the same thing so here we goooo

Jensen did everything in his power to stomp the J*2 narrative into dust this weekend. Love that journey for him!

listen, i am not one to be petty (lol okay sometimes i am, ngl) but.... the difference was SO stark this time, it has to be said

I was obviously hoping for some good cockles content this con, but this has exceeded everything I could have thought of lol. Amazing.

my expectations were pretty managed after we got interrupted so early last time, but this indeed exeeded everything!!

Gonna have a difficult week... And difficult four months until I leave work... But I'm so hyped but today's Cockles nothing's gonna stop me - tea anon

i'm sorry you are gonna face some hard times <3 you know i am here when you want to talk! thankfully jenmish gave us enough seretonin for a life time hdgfhdg

First we get Mish. Dee. Now we have Jensen, Danneel and their boyfriend Misha. Truly could not have predicted them being *that* unhinged but I do love to see it! Going to need about 10 business days to process it all though lmaoooo - Honeymoon Anon

you and me both!!

The thing is, there is absolutely no reason for them to act like that, none. like, can you imagine jensen making that kind of jokes toward jp lmaoooo he'd rather unalive himself💀 but then again, misha is his close friend so , what's the difference hmmm🫠 they are driving me insane Rose

*kermit nodding gif* yeah..... it is a lot lmfaooo

“tell jensen i mentioned him first”

twitter.com/misskittybsdc/status/1630013886844764160?s=46&t=oQYacDuBE2cwV9RJV-7UJg

they wanna score points with the big boss ghdhgh

Rose it's 5 am and I haven't slept yet and I am so not normal about this. I have been around a lot of JIBs so I knew what was coming. Yet, I still am so overwhelmed by everything that happened. I have watched the cockles panel twice by now. Some scenes I have definitely watched more than 20 times. I have perceived more and more details every time I rewind. Jensen Ackles butt wiggling. Him winking at Misha. That weird expression on his face when he made a wish. The movement of chairs, which is, of course - as it always is every JIB - closer together. The weird non-improvisation of the improvisation. Daniela coming in with the CW sniper in the form of a birthday cake to stop Jensen coming out as Misha Collins' boyfriend. Not to mention all the other big things that happened. Canary? Kissing Misha? When in Rome??? The preparation of Misha's 50th birthday party. Misha and Jensen playing an European puppet show with Misha shouting "Dieter I love you! Kiss me Dieter". Rose. Jensen said Misha is Danneel's boyfriend. Jensen said Misha is his boyfriend. The underbear and straddlegate have walked so that this Jibcon panel could run. How am I supposed to sleep? I am not even attending a convetion yet the convention high is keeping me restless. I feel like I need a continuation. Like this was a series finale with a cliffhanger that needs to be resolved. Like there are things that need to come up so this can settle. I have been a cockles perceiver since years yet my patience is limited right now. I mean if I wait a day or two I know it will wear of. It always does. But the boyfriend will stay. Right here with us.

- anon anon (you know who I am)

ahhhhh i totally feel you!! i had to physically make myself go to bed last night because i had to get up early, but it took a LOT to finally go to bed and i slept poorly ngl hfgdhhg i hope you did manage to get some sleep though!! and oof. what a year yesterday was!!!

Also @ all the other anons, I remember you guys, too!!! ♥️ I don't know if you remember me though haha

- anon anon

ahww i'm sure they do!! <3

You Know what i have realised. This weekend have felt like a fan fic of dean and cas but instead of reading it i was watching it.

you're not wrong!!

Ok also at the end of angeles he glances at misha then suddenly stops playing and looks away sooooo bashful. Did you show too much jensen? Did you get nervous when you made eye contact???

👻anon

head in my fucking hands!!!!! jensen.... sweetie....... why sing that song huh????? answer quickly (also hiiii omg love seeing you in my inbox!!)

jensen singing angeles with misha there watching (and at some points singing directly to misha) seems like fanfic AND YET…

and yet..........

[devils-pirate-crew]

Jonas continues watching Dawson through narrowed eyes as the latter continues mumbling apologies, almost indistinguishable from each other, some sort of sick and twisted prayer to a God that's forsaken him long ago. The words taste like a house abandoned against itself, like sulfur and salt.

Siegs clears his throat awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. "The articles you signed say that you're bound to this journey until we get back to Prudence. When we're back at our home port, then you're free to go if you so desire." He sighs, reaching behind himself to pull on a starchy white ruffled shirt, his tone shifted from predatory and harsh to soft, even conciliatory. "Mercer, please don't lie to me. Do you want to leave?"

And Dawson would be a liar if he said he'd never considered it - but where would he go? He's not good at anything. He's too old to learn a real trade now, especially with how his left side still fails him some days. He doesn't have a home to go back to either; no dinner awaits him on the table, no lullaby to sing him off to sleep. Those bridges collapsed years ago, under the weight of thousands of gallons of water and the might of the British Empire.

Oh, Dawson hopes they're doing better now that he's gone. He was only causing problems, making everything worse for everyone. When he closes his eyes, he can almost picture it - a drawing of a family with a mom, a dad, a sister, and a brother, and a white space to the side, where the oldest brother had been erased out. Maybe - hopefully - they'd forgotten about him entirely. All the clothes tailored to a younger size, the only thing left scattered memories of a boy who disappeared.

He hopes, for their sake, that they've moved on from ever knowing him, chalked him up as dead. He wouldn't wish the burden of his memory on them or anyone else. He died on a burning ship in a blaze of cannonfire and glory, and that's the end of his story. Anything past that is just wishful thinking.

Dawson Mercer died long ago, as far as the Crown and everyone else is concerned. The only people that know he's still breathing are here, on this ship. Why would he ever let them go?

"No," his voice cracks and breaks on the single syllable as he looks up, locking eyes with Siegs's. "I don't want to go. Please don't - please don't make me - please don't leave me..."

The quartermaster considers this for a moment, then nods. "You have to tell me what's going on, though," he compromises, scooting to the edge of his seat, leaning across the table and taking Dawson's hands in his own. "I can't help you if I don't know what's going on. I want to help you."

But Dawson - Dawson pulls back again. He shakes his head, pressing his palms to his knees, as if they were infected, contaminated, crazy. "You can't help me." He maintains the eye contact, almost eerie, even as Siegs's eyes wander, trying not to look. "Nobody here can help me."

Jonas furrows his brow. "Marino's great at what he does - really, one of the best surgeons we could ask for - "

"He can't help me," Dawson interrupts. "He wants to hurt me. He can't help me."

Siegs merely stares, not sure what else he can even do. And Dawson stares back, some shade of bewilderment in his eyes, carrying a pain he can never confess out loud. The pilot's mate shivers at the thought, at the cold. It was so cold there. He can't go back. He can't.

[allinmycorner]

It was the semi-finals on Dancing With the Stars! We're now just one show away from crowning a winner! It's amazing how fast the time passes, isn't it?

Each of our semi-finalists had to dance twice during the show. They had to perform one unlearned ballroom dance and one unlearned Latin dance. It was just each couple both times - no relays, no marathons, no teams. Just them doing everything they could to make it into the finals.

We got two big announcements this week! The first is that Witney is pregnant with baby number two! Congratulations to her and her family!

The other announcement is that Len will be leaving Dancing With the Stars after this season, so the finale will be his last show. He said he wanted to spend more time with his grandchildren and family. I can also imagine the trips back and forth between the UK and the US are starting to take its toll. This is a bit sad as the core group of judges on this show has been the same for its run so far so it will be weird to not see Len on the show - they still incorporated him even when COVID restrictions kept him away back in 2020. We will miss Len and will never forget him. Thank you, Len, for everything and I wish you the best in your next chapter.

So outside those two announcements, how did the rest of the show go? Let's take a look!

Trevor and Emma: I'm going to miss seeing Trevor on my screen week in and week out. If I'm grateful for anything this season, it's that I was introduced to him. He did his best in both his cha-cha and Viennese waltz but his scores and the votes just weren't there. But if you told me the actor who said he had a literal phobia of dance would make it to the semifinals, I would've thought you were crazy. I've enjoyed watching his journey and know there are great things in his future as well.

Daniel and Britt: I wondered if maybe Daniel would get into the finals. He's also had an incredible journey but Shangela just had a smoother upward trajectory. But Daniel's Viennese waltz and samba were two great routines and he can look back on his entire DWTS journey with pride. His routine last week will be one people will talk about for years to come. So thank you for being you, Daniel. I can't wait to see what you do next.

Charli and Mark: Charli was a lock for the finals. She's been consistent throughout the series and has gotten better as Mark pushed her with more challenging routines. Her Viennese waltz and paso doble were no different. One of the judges even said she looked like a professional ballroom dancer. Maybe Charli will have a second career as a ballroom dancer. Who knows? But she could be hoisting the mirrorball trophy by the end of the finals so that could be a big help if so.

Gabby and Val: Gabby addressed the end of her engagement and relationship. She said she and her ex-fiancé were just not in step like she thought they were and that she was still holding out hope to find her right partner. It led perfectly into her waltz. And then she also slayed with her paso doble, managing to look very serious despite being a rather fun-loving person. She was another lock for the finals and could also be holding the mirrorball trophy. Bachelorettes have won before and we should never underestimate the power of Bachelor Nation. It may come down to them over Charli's fanbase. We'll see.

Shangela and Gleb: There was a moment during the judges' deliberation where I worried that Shangela wouldn't get into the finals as she was up against Daniel. But her overall performance this season got her into the finals as much as her elegant Viennese waltz and fiery paso doble. Shangela, to me, is the epitome of this contest. She came in and was good but not great. And so she kept working until she pulled away from the pack and became great. While I don't think she'll hoist the mirrorball trophy, she will always be my Season 31 champion.

Wayne and Witney: Wayne didn't get perfect scores tonight but he still some high scores, though he tied with Shangela. Even still, I knew he was a lock for the finals. He had a few missteps during both his paso and his Viennese waltz. But I think he will knock his freestyle out of the park and that could boost him to the win.

So our final four are set. I really can't guess who will hoist the mirrorball trophy beyond my gut feeling that it won't be Shangela. We'll just have to see what the finale has in store for us.

See you then!

[omni-scient-pan-da]

Okay so story time

I'm writing this on January 6th, 2022, it's a Thursday and almost 11:30pm and I really should be asleep by now if I want any hope of being a functioning human being to get through the quizzes I have in two of my AP classes tommorow but instead I'm here

Six years ago, as of the day I'm writing this, I was absolutely terrified of change, I hated the thought of it and I hated that everything suddenly was going to change when I felt like I had just gotten the hang of things

Six years ago, as of the day this is getting posted, I felt like the side character in someone else's story

I was there for emotional support to help other people shine, but when I had issues of my own, I was overlooked and all I wanted was to be somebody important, so much so that I dove into world after world of fantastical things that happened to fantastical people because they were good people that fought for what was right and lived happily ever after

And I was convinced that my life was going to be horrible because I so badly and desparately wanted to be special in some way, I wanted super powers or to marry into a royal family or to be transported to some magical world where the only issues I had was figuring out how to do the thing that was hard but obviously right

I was already unique, just not the kind of unique that made everyone flock around them because they were so cool and special, I was the kind of unique that stood out but made bad choices and decided to surround myself with people that weren't the best for me and I felt so disheartened because of that

And then, a few months later, my whole world fell apart and so I thought maybe if I just dug myself deeper into these fantasy worlds, if I just wished a little bit harder, if I was just a little bit more pure of heart then maybe, just maybe I could find the magic of the world that lay hidden just beneath the surface and would allow me to be just like the people I read about in books

And somehow, overtime, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to find the kind of magic I was looking for, if it did exist at all, it was going to find me and spending all my time searching for it wasn't healthy

And I think by that point, that was around the time I discovered fanfiction and the internet, and I started staying up late to dive into fantasies of a different kind but now? Now they were of fantastical people that had gone on fantastical journeys getting a much needed break, living happily ever after with the one they loved most, doing normal, ordinary things in a way that was so breathtakingly beautiful it couldn't help but captivate my attention

And so I started to romantize those things instead

Going to college and falling in love with your painfully straight roommate only to realize you're both gay and crushing on each other

Train rides, road trips, comicons, found families, spending time with friends, spending the night together when there's only one bed, falling in love with someone's words and realizing you actually know who the person is, texting a number scribbled on a bathroom stall, finding your soulmate against all the odds

And I started to glorify all these things that suddenly seemed attainable, and it got me through the day

Sure it wasn't happening now, but one day in the future, here was something I could actually obtain one day and I just had to wait until I had the funds or the transportation or the friends to do it with me

And then along comes a day like any other

Just... A normal Saturday, a week before the project is due if you want to receive extra credit

The day we're all going ice skating

And it's crazy and chaotic but it's fun, and there's laughter and sure there's yelling and frustration, but it's all in good spirit and the wind was freezing but we were all suffering together and my hands burned when I put them in that warm water but ultimately, Mystic was just trying to stop me from getting frostbite

And then we're standing in line for an HOUR waiting to get skates after walking for an unnecessarily long time in the freezing cold and my feet hurt like hell because I'm wearing skates that are two sizes too small for me and I can't balance for shit

And then we're ferrying across to the restaurant for dinner and it's nice

I'm struck with the realization that even though I'm exhausted and my social battery is running really low I'm happy, so happier than I've been in a really long time, and I'm not even thinking about the Psychology work I have to do when I get back home the next day because I am in the moment, I'm sitting and stealing cheese curds from Mystic and eating melted ice cream and making stupid jokes with my friends and wandering around Target aimlessly with my sister before going back home and passing out from exhaustion and it was fun

I feel loved

So much so that I made a collage of the day's pictures and made it my home screen, so I could look back on it and remember what a day December 11th was

And now, as I sit here at 11:40pm on a random Thursday, knowing I should be asleep, I can't help but remind myself that while the idealized versions of day to day life you see in fanfiction tropes are great to think about

And they have a possibility of occuring, and they could totally happen

It's the days that are messy, the days that don't go as planned, the days when you come home and immediately fall asleep because you're so tired that you look back on the fondest

When you're running back and forth across the neighborhood because you can't find your folder and you're supposed to go get froyo before showing up to the concert and your stupid uniform dress won't cover your bra straps you're having fun, and you're feeling loved and you're having the moments you dreamed about having

They may be messy but they're chaotic and messy and loveable and real

So now, today, on another December 11th, I would like to take the time to remind myself and anyone that made it through my rambling to find beauty in the now

"Embrace the mess" as fictional famous podcast creator Cinda Canning once said

Find your love and your joy and your hopes and dreams and aspirations in these moments right now, when they take you by surprise and people remind you that they love you

Even when it's not the romantic love you've been reading about for forever, you're loved and you're whole and as long as you can keep making it through the day, as long as you can keep reminding yourself to breathe, you'll stumble upon the December 11ths of life when you're meant to, and those will be the moments worth going for, not the glorified versions of fanfiction tropes that are much less likely to happen

Happy December 11th everyone, and may you have a good a day as I did, a year ago

[hotdamnmadison]

How NOT To Get The Girl

I know, I know. I said I would wait to dive back in until tomorrow. But I'm being overpowered by 1.) an overwhelming bout of horniness and 2.) the overwhelming desire to do something artistic. What can I say - the trip up North must've inspired me to put on my writing cap (and a pair of panties) and get back to work.

I wish that this post was as peppy as that introduction. But honestly it's going to go pretty far downhill from here. Don't worry - I'm not going anywhere!

I'm posting this because...

A. If you're reading this and you fit the description of the following people - you should probably navigate off my page - because I'm not interested.

B. I want to see what you (the internet) have to say about these people and if their non-unique style of... well we will call it "pick up lines" or "DM first impressions" - can ACTUALLY ever get them laid.

I should include email addresses. I should include user names. I should include every possible detail that I can... But I am above that. And honestly, exposing these people may just cause more harm than good for me in the long run.

At this point, I find the following laughable. And I've had a great weekend and a nice evening (may have been a little naughty with a toy earlier lol.) So yeah - I'm in a good mood, and I won't let some desperate, pathetically horny man ruin that....

I'm rambling. Here is the shit I am talking about... (NOTE: the following messages are REAL - the email addresses have been replaced by your truly. Don't attempt to email these addresses lol.)

You really have to love when a man has a way with words <3

Or how about this one...

Or maybe this one is the best! (so tempted to put his real email lol.)

Pathetic aren't they? Do you want to know what is even more pathetic? I have hundreds, if not thousands of these sitting in my inbox. I could block them - but it's fun to watch them try. These inquiries (as romantic as they are) are obviously the product of entitlement followed by rejection. And it isn't just rejection from a gender fluid bomb shell like myself. It's rejection from CIS women, trans women, and basically anything they feel entitled to sticking their dicks into.

What's even funnier - I haven't even rejected these fools - they're just automatically out for blood because they've already botched MULTIPLE attempts at talking people of the opposite gender.

But hey - these guys are "alpha males" 😏

Truly laughable... How about a little context though, eh?

Back when I first started my journey into cross dressing, long before I knew about my fluidity, I was eager to meet like minded people. I don't remember where or when - but I was introduced to Double List. Now I've had some great experiences that came directly from my DL ads - so I can't bash the site and write it completely off as being toxic and borderline useless. But for every okay experience that I had while posting personal ads (think craigslist) I had about 100 plus TERRIBLE dead end conversations to show for it.

i.e. the examples above lol.

It's crazy. How something such as sexual frustration can lead to such hurtful words and sentences. That last one for example - was any of that necessary? No. But because this "alpha" keeps falling short in the pussy department - he decides to take it out on someone who didn't do anything to him directly.

I have had to constantly cover my face and other body parts to get by or "pass". It's not ideal, and I've talked a bit about that in my earlier posts as well. Unfortunately, that is the nature of my situation - and it will remain that way until further notice. So rather than lead people astray with things like photoshop and Face App - both of which I have used VERY early in my journey (see the next pic) - I decided to be upfront with my ads and let potential suitors know what they'd be getting into.

Here is what I determined...

Men can't fucking read (some guys can... but most... nope)

Men don't WANT to read

Some men that read can't comprehend what they're reading

The men who successfully read an entire ad don't give a shit about what you (or in this case me) want.

Check this out....

Here are two guys who "successfully" read one of my advertisements (I use successfully very lightly here.) They can tell that they aren't what I am looking for - and so that means that what I want is WRONG. How sad is that? I don't tell them that their desires, ads, etc. are invalid... So why are mine? The best part is the amount of time that these people are spending to harass me (and many like me.)

---

This isn't a pity party. And I'm not looking for sympathy. Quite the opposite actually. I am trying to help you. Yes you! The one guy who does the same shit up above who also somehow read this far (gold star sticker for you!)

Look, this type of behavior isn't going to get you anywhere. Even the people who love dominance still want to be heard. They still want to know you read the post, the ad, the listing, etc. It shows you give a shit about safety, safe words, what TO do and what NOT to do. The world of kinks and BDSM revolves around trust. And when you do the things that these guys do - you're proving that you're a loose cannon, and that you're a high risk individual to partner with.

I actually APPRECIATE when men send these emails. Because I add their email address to a spread sheet and I make a mental note that this person is UNPREDICTABLE and more importantly - unsafe.

I'm sure as my journey continues I will have many more entries that revolve around this same topic - so lets consider this "How NOT To Get The Girl Pt. 1"... And please, try not to make it into my next batch of screen shots ;) I may "forget" to blur the names

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

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My apologies for coming back with such a negative post. I should've started with something a little more soft and positive after returning from the trip. I swear - tomorrow I will get back to the peppy sexy content ;)

Sleep Well Everyone!

[freethoughtsfreetherapy]

a letter from myself to myself

FROM MYSELF

I am currently back in my home country that does not feel like my home country since I’ve basically never lived there. I found a very boring contract job that makes me wake up super early everyday and come back home late, with little time for myself. I cannot join the dance classes I want so I have to settle for what’s left. I barely have acquaintances and family here, so I honestly do feel lonely, and being single reinforces that. I wish my close friends were in the same city, and that I just could just come over and watch netflix with them.

TO MYSELF

Girl there is no point obsessing over things that are not possible. The most important is making the best out of what you have right now. For the job, thank god it's temporary, it has an ending date - so you just need to start searching for a better company to work for after xmas. Sure, spending a year working here is depressing compared to your old life abroad. But how comforting is it to know that you will not have a $20,000 student loan to pay back after graduation? It's tough right now, but you definitely will not regret this decision of taking a year off before graduate school to save money when you think of it again in five years.

For dance, you must remember that experience is experience, so even if it's not the classes you wanted, you will surely gain something valuable. I am sure the moment your body will start moving again, your mood will instantly get better and you will have something to look forward to everyday after work. Just because this year is a "forced break" from dance, and that you can't do the intensive training, competitions, performances etc that all your amazing dancing friends are doing doesn't mean you're wasting your time away or that you are behind. How could you be behind in a journey that is yours?

Also calling yourself a terrible dancer is basically disrespecting yourself. It's disrespecting all the hours you have spent in dance classes, in private practice rooms, or even at home dancing silly in your room. Because dancing isn't always about progress/improvement, it's also about expressing yourself and letting go of negative emotions. Just think of all those nights you came back home sweaty but happy and refreshed after a dance class. The joy and the passion you felt in those moments - THAT'S the most important. Because if dance doesn't make you feel good, there is no point doing it.

I know you're an ambitious person and progressing/improving is very important for you. But just know that when you join university again, you will have opportunities to learn dance properly and train intensively, you will take part in events, and hopefully meet like minded people. For now, just focus on dance as a hobby/stress relief, not something you need to become good at.

The older you get the hardest it gets to be single. Cause it's painful seeing people of the same age literally getting engaged or worse having kids while you haven't even had your first kiss yet. But once again, it's all about timing. Right now your focus is on working towards your future and making the money needed to attend graduate school. You are not late, you are not behind - you just had a different journey than other people, and it made you adaptable to changes other people can definitely not handle. Once again, you will have all the time in graduate school to use dating apps, socialise with guys and find the one (since this idiot can't fucking find me himself apparently). There's a first time for everything, and that includes love. You just need to wait until the timing is right to look for a relationship. Remember that you are not unlovable just because you have never been loved. It would be like saying something is unachievable just because you haven't tried it yet. If other people can find love, you can do it too. Someone out there WILL accept your crazy humour, someone out there WILL love listening to hiphop music and watching kdramas with you. THAT PERSON EXISTS. It's just the timing of your life that hasn't enabled you to find them yet.

You are literally alive and breathing, you get to wake up everyday because God gave you that chance. Isn't that amazing? Shouldn't you be more grateful for it? So please stop obsessing over the things you don't have yet, because YOU WILL get them. The universe is not in a hurry, you are. Start believing that good things are meant to happen to you. All you need to do is work hard to achieve them.

[morsingwyatt14]

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