#they probably had a whole conversation about it about boundaries and shit

[qprstobin]

Steddie au where Steve is good with reading people! He knows Eddie is flirting with him/thinks he's hot! And he's honestly happy that Eddie feels comfortable flirting and being himself with Steve!!!!

The obliviousness hits here where Steve doesn't realize why HE enjoys the flirting so much

[yoichichi]

Take It Slow

MINORS DNI

Yuuta Okkotsu x afab!reader

wc: 4.1k

warning(s): established relationship, friends to lovers implied, heavy petting, fingering, masturbation, oral (reader receiving), choking (reader receiving), instance of breath play as a result, slight corruption kink from Yuuta, inexperienced reader, a single instance of slightly mean Yuuta, reader’s chest anatomy is not referenced/described

a/n: first NSFW piece in a VERY long time, was picked from the poll so here you go! hope you all enjoy :)! Also jus wanna say there is NOTHING weird or wrong about being a virgin at any age just so you guys know <33 🫶 also in case it needs to be said, this is an unrealistic portrayal of participating in kink for the first time! Boundaries and safety should be discussed at length before these things, but this is fiction so just wanted to make that clear 😭🤍 anyways enjoy <3

“Yuuta, stop! I don’t wanna talk about it!” You whined and buried your face further into his chest hoping to spare yourself of the embarrassment from the conversation you’re sure the two of you are about to have.

“Sweetheart, I’m your boyfriend, you knew it was gonna come up sooner or later. Besides, you’re literally the one who started the conversation! There’s no way you’re getting out of it now.” He let out a few boyish chuckles as he tried to pry your face away from him and out of the covers, just to see you pressing your lips together and closing your eyes in protest.

Sure, did you figure at some point the fact you haven’t gone farther than holding hands and sharing a few quick pecks was gonna be brought up? Probably. Especially after 4 whole months of being in a relationship? Maybe. Did you think it’d be right now? No! But is it your fault? Unfortunately, yes.

You’d known Yuuta long before the two of you started dating, having been apart of his friend group since freshman year of high school, and you’ve always had a secret crush on your friend. He was kind, never failed to make you smile, charmingly awkward (so charming you almost thought he faked it), & all things endearing. It wasn’t until a few months ago, now in your fourth and final year at University, that the two of you had confessed your feelings for the other. You had a bottle of tequila and Maki to thank for that.

And honestly, it couldn’t have been more perfect since. He was still sweeter than ever, a complete gentleman always, and even though it’d only been a couple months he’s never failed to make you constantly feel cared for and appreciated. There was only one problem: how were you supposed to tell him you’ve lied about every instance of you hooking up ever? And you haven’t even done so much as grind on someone, let alone fuck?

Maybe you could blame it on Yuuji, he’s the one who brought it up the first time anyways, innocently teasing you about how “you probably don’t even know how to give head”. He was 16, and all 16 year old boys are stupid as shit - besides Yuuta you suppose - so you’ll forgive him for it.

“Fuck you Yuuji, you’re just saying that cause you’re embarrassed you can’t last longer than 10 seconds inside a girl.”

“That literally happened once, and it was my first time! What, you’re telling me your first time was any better?”

It was just humiliating to think of looking at your friends, who definitely weren’t virgins anymore (besides Toge, maybe Toge, you never really trusted his whole story - but that’s beside the point), and tell them yeah no, I haven’t even seen a dick in person!

“No, he was ass, too.” You did your best to not draw attention to the way your palms were sweating profusely, fighting every instinct in you to wipe them off on the denim of your jeans.

“Yep, fits the bill.” Mai rolled her eyes at the thought of her own experience with a man, must’ve been pretty bad.

It’d make more sense to blame it on your age than Yuuji really, looking back it wouldn’t have been embarrassing for more than a couple weeks at most to have admitted you were a virgin when the matter was pressed. But that’s not what past you thought, and now it’s current you’s problem.

“I know, I know, but now I change my mind. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Your lips are pushed out and puckered slightly from the way Yuuta has your cheeks squished together - his best effort at making you smile right now.

He lets go of your cheeks to squeeze your shoulder gently, looking at your face for a moment before speaking softly.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? I’d never judge you for anything, make comments, nothing. Swear on it.” His voice dipped low with sincerity as he dramatically “crossed his heart and hoped to die”, it was a little goofy but that’s okay.

It was hard to speak while he was staring down at you like that, you knew he’d be nothing but gentle and kind, but the thought of actually talking about it made your stomach twist ‘n turn.

“Uh”, your voice trembled more than you’d like to admit and it did nothing to help your nerves, “I guess I asked what you’d do if I lied about not being a virgin cause, I’m, like, a virgin. Yeah.” You might’ve stumbled through your sentence, but you got there eventually.

His hand continued to rub circles on your skin as he spoke, “Well, I kind of figured that much when you first asked that, cause why else would you. Is that all you wanted to tell me though?”

Glancing up to meet his eyes, you were confused, visibly confused. Was that it? Was he really not gonna pester about why you lied, when you lied, or why you’re grown and still a virgin?

You squinted your eyes and hummed quietly, unreasonably suspicious of him - which he could clearly see.

Rolling his eyes playfully, he groaned out your name and pulled your face close to his so you couldn’t escape him even if you wanted to.

“Ya know, I was kind of talking about the first question you asked me. The one before you cut me off and changed the subject with the whole ‘I’m a virgin thing.’ I want to talk to you about that.”

You’re sure you were listening, it’s just that his face was so close to you that his breath was intermingling with yours, and you could practically taste the gum he was chewing while studying earlier. Not only that but his eyelashes were so pretty and doll like from this angle, looking up at him with his hands still on your cheeks. And his hands were so warm and soft - or was your face warm?

“Are you really ignoring me right now?” He wondered where your mind wandered to, cause clearly with the way you were looking at him with hearts in your eyes and invisible stars circling around your head - you couldn’t have been listening to him.

“Huh?”

Yeah, you definitely weren’t listening to him.

“Baby, are you okay with talking about what you asked me earlier? It’s okay if the answer is no.” His eyes were glued to your face as your own darted around the room.

You wanted to speak up but your throat was dry and your face was hot, and honestly it felt like your jaw was wired shut; a simple nod will have to do.

It felt like the room was getting smaller at the lack of a response from Yuuta until you felt him lean just a tad closer and gently press his lips to your cheek, “would you rather me show you how I take care of myself, or tell you?”

Oh.

Goosebumps rose along the back of your neck and down your arms at the soft volume of his voice in your ear and the way his breath fanned across your cheek.

“Both, please.” The tenor of your voice matched his as your hands fiddled nervously with the hem of your shirt, unsure what to with them while he moved to give you a kiss and sit up in front you.

The embarrassment of how you asked Yuuta how to give a hand job from earlier began to fade and be replaced with curiosity and eagerness at the sight of Yuuta reaching down to palm at himself.

It was still embarrassing, staring so shamelessly at his growing bulge in obvious intrigue and desire, but it was Yuuta, and Yuuta would never make you feel bad for having human urges and wanting him in this way.

Hesitantly, once he was ready, he tugged at the fabric of his pajama pants until he was fully exposed. He was happy you were so needy and awe struck at the sight of him, because your undivided attention to the way his cock sits in his hand is making him blush.

He spreads his legs just as much as the stretch of his bottoms let him while he dips forward to drip spit in the direction of his lap, his wrist catching the fabric of his shirt and exposing a tease of his lower stomach as he spreads the spit along the length of his cock. Leaning back into a more comfortable position, you take in the way he’s exposed himself to you, his stomach visibly clenching as he rubs his thumb along the slit at the tip of his cock.

It was firm in his hand, and you couldn’t help but squeeze your thighs together from where you sat watching at the vulgarity of it all. His loud and unashamed whimpering, his leaking and twitchy cock, and the way his eyes were never closed, always watching your face, when you would flick your own up to get a peek at his reactions.

You thought maybe he’d be a little more bashful, slow and careful with what he wanted to show you, but if anything, it seems like he’s been waiting for you to ask.

“You like watching me stroke my cock, hm baby?”

Your clit began to throb at the sudden recognition and reminder that you’re involved just as much as he is, as well as the sound of him speaking, and speaking directly at you.

“Answer me angel, even a nod’s okay. Wanna make sure my baby’s feeling good.” His voice was hoarse, but soft, and the sentiment did nothing more than increase your arousal and send butterflies rampant in your stomach.

Settling further into the situation, and gaining some confidence in return, you make your way over to him slowly as you nod your head.

“Want you to tell me, Yuuta.” Your voice is small, quiet.

“Tell you what, pretty?”

He’s got an air of fake innocence around him as he speaks but you couldn’t care less when you’re so close that you can hear his soft and barely audible panting, and smell the light scent of musk and sweat begin to gather along his clothed skin from his excitement and exertion. You’d give him anything he wants at this point, and you’re certain he knows it.

“Yuuta,”, you whine and move in his direction, hovering over his lap with his cock not quite close enough to press against your covered cunt as he strokes himself, “want you to tell me how it feels.”

The pair of you groan together at the lewdness of it all, both of you reveling in the freedom to finally explore your deep attraction for another, no longer embarrassed or fearful to admit or indulge in it.

“Fuck, feels so good baby. ‘M so hard with you watching me like this. You like knowing you’ve got me and my cock this needy without even touching me?” Whining at his response, you lean into him and sloppily place your lips on his, ignoring the urge to smack him on his chest as he chuckles a, “yeah?”, into your mouth at your eagerness.

You both kiss, messy and loud, as you reach and drag your hand down his torso, lightly drawing circles onto Yuuta’s exposed lower stomach with your fingertips.

A strained groan comes from him at the sensation, sighing into your mouth as he sits up to be impossibly closer to you. It was all too much.

He could feel the heat from your body as your thighs squeeze him from each side, hear the crude noises your pussy makes each time you adjust, and he could just imagine how needy your poor cunt would smell. Feeling his stomach tighten and his head get cloudy, he knew he was close, and he wanted you to watch.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me come baby.” Yuuta’s lips were soft and slick with spit as he spoke against yours, while you felt a hand slide from the back of your neck up to the top of your head, turning you to face down and stare at the way his fist was feverishly tugging at his cock.

“Want my sweetheart to watch how hard they’re gonna make me come, how good they’re taking care of me and my cock.” His voice was strained and low, out of breath, and if you weren’t desperate to watch his cock get some release, you would have protested at the sudden lack of kissing.

“Please, need you to show me baby.” You whined and wrapped your hand around Yuuta’s wrist gently, moving in time with the way he was stroking himself.

Hearing your voice was all he needed to let himself go, throwing his head back and getting his sternum sticky with cum as it stained his t-shirt. His balls and cock twitched as he slowed down his movements, whining when he rubs the tip once more, not wanting it to be over. If it wasn’t for the way you were still hovering over his lap, he would’ve let himself stay like this for a while longer, catching his breath and resting his eyes.

But he could see how bad you needed him, your chest heaving and your body hot against his.

Pulling you into his chest, he speaks against your shoulder softly between gentle kisses, “Want me to take care of you too, baby?”

Your body jolts at the prospect, nerves riddling your muscles and your stomach, making you feel almost weak. The thought made you self-conscious just as much as it made you feel exhilarated, but you couldn’t deny the way your cunt was throbbing and hot. You needed him bad, and you could trust Yuuta. You always could.

Words were too hard, like they often were with him in intimate moments like this (the thought of your first date briefly crosses your mind), so you substitute a pleading “yes” for another messy, longing kiss.

“I got you angel,”, was all he said before you were leaned back on the pillows, Yuuta hovering above you with soft wisps of his hair tickling the sides of your face.

You knew you could trust Yuuta, he always knows what his baby needs.

Delicate fingers graze across your side until they reach the waist band of your bottoms, running back and forth along the top as Yuuta chuckles softly at the way your stomach twitches, waiting for a sign of permission.

A warm hand tugging Yuuta’s in the direction of your heat is all he needs before sliding his hand between your thighs to rub heavy and slow circles onto your clit beneath your shorts.

“Oh, god.” You breathe out and close your eyes, letting him take his time in making you feel good.

Your hole ached every time he dipped a finger down to tease your entrance, gathering more of your arousal to rub into your puffy clit. He was such a tease even when he didn’t mean to be, couldn’t he tell you needed him inside? Can’t he imagine how empty your poor hole feels? Doesn’t he know how often you’ve fucked yourself with your fingers or favorite toy, imagining it’s really him inside instead?

“Yuuta.”

The desperate call of his name makes his stomach flip, eyes quickly searching across your face for a sign of discomfort, “‘M here baby, what do you need?”

Sitting up slowly, your face stops inches from his as you shimmy your way out of your bottoms. Laying back down, you open your legs wide and spread your pussy for Yuuta to see, another hand rubbing at your clit slowly.

“‘S too empty, baby.” You fight back the hot wave of embarrassment that floods your body at your crudeness and use all your will power to stay still, cunt on full display, as you watch Yuuta’s breath quicken and his hand snake down to tug at his cock again despite the slight sensitivity he’s still feeling.

He doesn’t give you much time to linger on your sheepishness before you’re tugged further down the bed by the grip he takes on both of your thighs, his tongue impatiently shoved into your mouth with a loud whimper. You both stay like this a little while longer than you would have liked, his tongue running along the inside of your mouth before he has yours between his lips, switching between sucking on it loudly and licking at the saliva that drips down onto your chin.

God, he was so dirty.

Unable to beg for more, you attempt to wrap your legs up and around his midsection, hoping he’ll catch the hint, but instead you’re stopped by a firm placement of his hand on your inner thigh.

“‘Scuse me, beautiful.” His voice is hoarser than before as he speaks softly against your neck, leaving hasty kisses on any exposed skin while scooting down the bed, landing with his face between your legs.

You could have cried when you felt his tongue poke and prod at your hole, pushing in and moaning loudly before licking long and slow up to your clit. His tongue flicks back and forth as he keeps your lips spread with one hand, deciding to then take his time licking and dragging his tongue between every fold before coming back to suck on your clit.

A strangled groan vibrates deep within your chest as you tug on his hair to bring him impossibly closer to your cunt, as if he needed to devour you whole, while you no longer fought the way your hips were grinding down and writhing beneath Yuuta’s grip. It’s not until you finally feel a finger push inside, slender and slow, that you begin to incoherently beg and whine for more.

It doesn’t take many half-spoken pleas for him to get the idea you need more.

“Ah, Yuuta!” You whimper and internally battle between trying to squirm away and press yourself even further into his mouth, overwhelmed by the pleasure of his two fingers inside pumping in and out of you with his mouth nipping and sucking at your clit.

He sits up, kneeling between you to watch the way you take what he’s giving you.

“Yeah?”, his voice is uncharacteristically cocky and out of breath, “Feels good, baby?”

He was going to be the death of you.

If it wasn’t for the way Yuuta was placed between your thighs, your efforts to clamp them shut would be working. It was all too much, but so fucking good.

“Ah- fuck, oh, oh my god - Yuuta please make me come. Wanna come so bad!” You arch your back and attempt to sit up to reach him, needing him closer, but a hand on your chest pushes you back down and slides up until it rests wrapped around your throat.

“Mmm, I’ll give it to you baby, just want you stay right there. Wanna see what you look like when I make you finish for the first time.” His hand wasn’t holding tight, it was merely keeping you in your spot beneath him, but you wanted him to grab you tighter.

With a shaky hand, you reached to hold onto his wrist like your life depended on it,

“Please choke me.”

His fingers stopped curling into you for maybe a second before he continued, his mouth parting slightly as a gentle moan fell from his lips.

Did you really just ask him that?

You closed your eyes in bliss when he squeezed gently, instinctually doing your best to grind down onto his hand, but it wasn’t enough.

“T-tighter, please.”

It took everything in you to open your eyes and see his reaction, a slight amount of shame building up in your stomach for requesting something that felt so dirty - but all embarrassment fizzled out where it sat when you saw the way he was staring down at you.

Nothing was said as he squeezed you tighter and tighter until you let out a choked moan, your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Tap me twice if it’s too much.” You’re not sure when he leaned down to speak lowly to you, but his breath fanning across the side of your neck and face sends chills down your body.

You’re so lost in the pleasure of it all you can only nod when he takes your hand to show you exactly how he wants you to tap against his wrist if you can’t take it anymore.

He sits back up and smiles to himself as he takes you in. You look so.. so.. so pathetic like this. And what, all because he’s got two of his fingers fucking your pussy? Cause he’s the first person to ever make you feel this way?

The latter thought makes his dick twitch and pick up the pace of his fingers until even you can register the crude squelching coming from between your thighs. Thankfully for you, you’re too full of bliss to care - fuck you were so close, and he knows it, too.

Your eyes shoot open when his grip is tightened even more, making it so you can only take in shallow and shaky breaths.

“Gonna have to come around my fingers if you want me to loosen up.” It wasn’t a question of how much you could take, it was a matter of how far you wanted him to go to make you see stars. And apparently this was it with the way he could feel you clench around him at his words, your thighs starting to thrash and shake.

“Fuck, you’re so dirty. My dirty little cunt, huh?” His voice was so misleadingly soft. His register was still high, slightly whiny, but you knew it was all to mock you and your fucked out state. If anything, Yuuta was the one being so dirty, and you were thankful for it.

It was hot, so hot, and you could hear your heart pounding in your head, and you could feel how tight you were clenching around his fingers.

Unable to fight off the feeling and attempt to last a second longer, your body shook as you came hard around Yuuta’s fingers, your nails digging into the forearm of the hand still wrapped around your throat. He kept it there for a brief few moments into your orgasm before letting go to immediately bring his fingers down to your clit, helping you ride out your orgasm for as long as you could handle.

The first full breath you took was loud and followed by an even louder mantra of thank you’s and please’s. It took a soft and slow kiss from Yuuta to quiet your whimpers, and warm, and undeniably semi-sticky hands, rubbing tenderly into your thighs and arms.

You both stayed like that for a while, Yuuta above you with his hands rubbing your muscles carefully, kissing slow and catching your breath while sharing gentle sentiments of love and reassurance. Much to your surprise, you were the first to speak a full sentence as you both relaxed into a more comfortable position.

“Ya know”, your voice had a slight hoarseness to it now, most likely from your earlier activities, “I don’t think I like knowing someone else has gotten to see you like this.”

He brings his head up to rest on his palm with a crooked smile, leaning forward until his lips ghosted over yours as he spoke,

“Yeah? You the jealous type baby?”

This time, you did smack him. And hard.

“Ow?” Yuuta pouts, pretending to be appalled, and rubs circles into his chest as if you had actually smacked him hard enough to feel like anything more than a friendly pat.

His request for an apology is brushed off and amended with a kiss, from which you receive no protest, as you sink further into the comfort of his embrace and, now dirty but once very clean, sheets.

“How about we clean up n get some rest, okay baby?” He sounds distant and quiet when he speaks, his heartbeat louder in your ears than his voice with your head pressed into his chest.

Sighing and shaking his head, he leans down to kiss the top of your head with a small smile. Laundry and a shower can wait a few more minutes if it means he gets to have you like this for even a little bit longer.

——————

taglist: @plutowrites @alert-arlert (I think you asked to be tagged in this??? If not I’m sorry !! This was like a literal year ago I started this so 😭🫶) @touyaz (only cause you liked the snippet 🤭) if you’d like to be added just lemme know!!

[l0v3tast3]

can we have more hcs w young!reader :o they were so cute, do u think you could write like sparring w them or something, ty!!

✎ of course omggg <3 i love this concept whenever i see anyone else write this kind of thing with platonic young reader i eat that shit up !!! also merry christmas and happy last day of hannukah to all who celebrate!!

✎ tags : gender neutral!reader, written with 19 y/o reader in mind, all platonic relationships, fluff, young!reader is stereotypical gen z kinda, this is probably the most light-hearted thing i've ever written but there's separate angst at the end because i can't stop myself, as usual it's not really proofread

♡ so of course it takes awhile for you to come out of your shell around the rest of the 141. the previously youngest one of the group, kyle, is 7 whole years older than you, so it's a bit awkward at first.

♡ but once you're comfortable around them, you let your guard down a little and start letting your "regular" personality show instead of the "work" one. this involves bouncing-off-the-walls levels of energy and constant jokes and references that only kyle gets, and that's only sometimes. the other three guys just exchange a look and move on.

♡ you're constantly doing little dances and just fidgeting around, playing with anything you can get your hands on and always bouncing a leg (also never actually sitting like a normal person, price doesn't understand how you're comfortable most of the time). once, when it was just you and soap, you taught him a dance he thought looked fun, but made you promise to never tell anyone else. you told ghost as soon as you saw him next, and that was the first time you ever saw ghost smile (under the mask, of course, but you could tell).

♡ you don't really respect the more "arbitrary" boundaries; you would randomly take food off of the other guy's plates without asking and you always had to be invading someone's personal space. after lots of scolding and you acting like they were denying you a fundamental human right, they learned that it really was easier to just accept it and give up. you don't take food from ghost's plate, because you may be a little dumb sometimes but you aren't stupid. sometimes he shoves his leftovers in your direction if he notices you aren't eating as much that day.

♡ when you aren't terrorizing one of the 141 members, they keep an eye on you while you focus on whatever your latest interest is with an intensity that they'd only expect from you on actual life-or-death missions. it always causes soap some actual concern for you, but you just think it's because he can't sit still, ever.

♡ once, after you had all returned from a mission, you went into your room to shower, came out, got something to eat, then went into your room and proceeded to spend the next 3 days completing the newest pokemon game. full pokedex, awesome outfit, full level 100 team, you had it all, and you proudly shoved the switch screen in their faces to show them your achievements once you deemed yourself done. they learned you were a perfectionist pretty early on, while they took turns checking on you every few hours.

♡ you'll do the thing of casually dropping something horrible that happened to you into a conversation, as if it was just some silly thing that happened the other day. they all just kind of do a double take, because none of them actually talk about that stuff. you just look up from whatever app you were absently fiddling with on your phone and wonder why everyone went quiet; they just move on, as usual.

૮ ’• ˕ •` ა here, have some sparring headcanons now!

♡ when you and ghost sparred for the first time, you swore up and down he was out to break every bone in your body. he told price that it was the easiest he'd went on a recruit in years (he did also say you did much better than he expected). despite your complaints, you got back up every single time he knocked you on your ass, and you quickly adapted to the way ghost fought. you still didn't win a single round, but that was more of a him-being-really-big thing.

♡ soap only goes easy enough on you to not break any bones, but it doesn't take much to get him fired up, and sparring is no exception. you spend the entire session on the defensive, just trying to keep yourself all intact. you always lecture him that you aren't the actual goddamn enemy before you spar with him now while he rolls his eyes and says you're being dramatic.

♡ kyle claims he isn't going easy on you but everyone knows he is. he can't help it; usually he doesn't care that much when he accidentally actually hurts someone when sparring, but the thought of leaving a scar on you rubs him the wrong way. he doesn't ever tell anyone this, but everyone sees how he always acts like an older brother to you.

♡ you only actually spar with price once, mostly as a joke, after you're all more acquainted. you're acting all cocky, basically just saying he's old and you'll put him in the retirement home a couple years early. you're on your back in less than five seconds with him looking down at you, a loud laugh booming out of his chest.

♡ one time, ghost must have been sick or something, because the match ended with you making what would have been the killing blow in a real fight. you had stared in amazement at your achievement, then started yelling at the other guys to ask if they had seen what you had done. ghost let you have your victory, finding your astronomical excitement funny (on the inside, of course).

♡ kyle is your easiest target. usually he doesn't even want to spar with you anymore, because he knows you'll probably end up throwing him to the ground with your full strength and saying you don't need to go easy on him, he's a grown ass man. you've mastered how to use his weight against him, and he knows it. he also knows the look you get when you're walking up to him to ask to spar, and at this point he just points you to soap or ghost and shoos you away. one time he actually said "go on, git!" to you; his british accent made it much more funny than he had intended.

♡ fighting against soap kind of has 50-50 odds of you winning. if you're not afraid to start bleeding in multiple areas that day, you'll most likely be able to pin him. if you don't feel really like it, then you pretty much just have to run away. your before-sparring lecture for him eventually gets accompanied by an after-sparring lecture from you while he helps you put band-aids on the new cuts and scrapes.

₍ᐢ.᎔.ᐢ₎ okay a couple angsty ones because i can't help it,,,

♡ price knows how young you are, and you know he does without him having to tell you, because sometimes you catch him looking at you with sad eyes that see a lot more than you do. usually, if the conditions are just right, you're all for attempting to get the team members to open up to you, but this is what you and price don't talk about. instead, you tell him not to worry, that you'll at least outlive him.

♡ they're all waiting for that one day that, on one of their missions, you'll see something or have to do something that you won't come back from, because it's inevitable in this line of work. but you find a way to smile, even after the worst days, and you always say it's because someone has to.

[kevin-the-bruyne]

I never thought I would watch that scene of Ray shoving Sand and screaming "What are we to each other?" and come out of it on Ray's side but holy fucking shit Khaotung has done it again.

but i can't get this look out of my head and i'm sure everyone will have their own interpretation of it and that's part of the brilliance of it but to me he looks so utterly betrayed. Combined with the fact that he had walked into that pool bar with a completely different mood than where Sand had taken him.

He comes in immediately ready to talk things through. We know very well what someone looks like when they're trying to avoid talking about something. Boston does this to Nick all the time, constantly deflect and damage control but Ray is here with his whole chest out ready to have a conversation about them. And Sand just...shuts him out:

For god's sake he's pouting. And the second Sand says he wants to talk about Mew Ray opens up yet again:

He wants so badly for a chance to explain. Sand shut him out on the night of Boston's reveal when he wanted to explain and he does it again and for some reason this is the one boundary of Sand's that Ray has decided he will absolutely respect.

And then to finally hear what he's probably been waiting to hear from Sand this whole time (that he cares about Ray) and for it to be in this horrible context? He had been aching to hear this from Sand at the pool bar. He might also be realizing that when Sand told him about the sound clip he had lied about not caring that Ray likes Mew after all? That Sand had said that to use him. God I hate it here.

Of course he can't see that you really like him, Sand. His mother killed herself because of how miserable he made her (at least thats what he believes). How can he see that you care about him? How can he know what that means?

[hanjisungslag]

attack on titan headcanons #8

## - when they get jealous

genre - angst & fluff

pairing - aot x reader

word count -

warnings - none!

notes - i might start uploading more than once a month.. christmas specials coming soon😈

EREN JAEGER -

lil’ bro gets soooo mad. jean was chit chatting to you about something you guys had in common and there was too much laughing, giggling and jean was FAR too close. like he doesn’t need to be making you laugh first of all, but then being all up in your business?!? nahhh, eren was NOT having it.

“‘that’s it. i’m going up to him, how DARE HE—” then he feels a tug on his shirt and gets yanked back right into his seat.

“you need to learn how to chill out, eren.” reiner says, lecturing him “i know it looks bad, but it’s gonna be embarrassing for you and y/n if you go up there and cause an argument.”

god, he’s right. eren knew he was. but, he was SO angry, he needed to let out his anger somehow! the only option was to go to the dorm and just start punching shit.

MIKASA ACKERMAN -

silence suddenly took over in mikasa and sasha’s conversation. sasha slowly turned to her left to see what had mikasa in such shock and there you were with none other than ymir. ymir had her arm right above you, looking down on you. what the fuck did she think she was doing?! mikasa was furious and you could tell she was just by her energy. it was pure silence but those looks could kill.

sasha decided it was probably best for her to step back a bit.. she was also terrified that mikasa would kill her with one glance although she wasn’t doing anything bad..

ARMIN ARLERT -

as armin was strolling around town, he sees you! he starts walking over, shouting your name through the busy crowds of the town centre when he sees you and bertholdt.. laughing, bumping shoulders, looking through what seemed to be like some sort of gift shop. armins never really the jealous type, he doesn’t like to get worked up over things like that but something about this made his stomach turn.

he decided to head back to the dorms.

eventually, when you and bertholdt came back from your little shopping trip - you obviously, go to go see armin! you knock on his door and gently start pushing it open,

“hey babe~ whatcha doing?”

“oh nothing, just uh, sharpening my blades ready for tomorrow” he tried to put on a smile because he really doesn’t want to start anything. he just wants to act like nothings happened.

“oh.. well then. i- erm, i got you something today..”

“w-what?” he swung his head around to face you

“yeah! i know you’ve been wanting those maps of the outside world but i didn’t know where to find them but bertholdt did, so he took me to the shops!”

armins jaw dropped. first of all, maps of the outside world?!? that’s incredible! but also.. that whole situation that made him so jealous, was about buying something for him? god. he feels SO silly.

SASHA BRAUS -

honestly, this queen isn’t the jealous type. i feel like she doesn’t care over little things like touching, laughing, spending time with others - it’s the BIG things like if someone’s trying to flirt with you. but even then, she doesn’t feel jealous. she loves you and you love her and that’s enough for her.

there was a celebratory party with the military after you guys finally caught the female titan. this include the whole military obviously the survey corps but even garrisons and military police.

a girl from the garrisons, whom you’ve never met before, makes her way over to you and strikes up a conversation. you think nothing of it until she starts laughing, shoving you away by your shoulder and then.. she started flirting. as you were about to calm the situation down before she got any ideas, your girlfriend walks over.

“hey babe” sasha exclaims

“oh, sasha!” you say in shock, you really hope she isn’t upset.

“hey i’m sasha, i don’t think we’ve met before!” she puts her hand out to the girl, “by the way, this is my s/o. i don’t mind you guys talking but boundaries! thanks.” she giggles slightly.

“oh god— this is so embarrassing. i’m so sorry, i have to go.” the girl says before she runs off.

“sasha, i’m so sorry. i was just about to tell her” you quickly explain yourself

“it’s fine! honestly, i know that you love me and i love you. i trust you” she says, giving you a tender smile.

CONNIE SPRINGER -

he tries to act soo nonchalant. but omg he’s so jealous because, he sees armin as this insanely intelligent, witty, incredible leader and you, also being crazy smart, tend to help armin out with plans for the survey corps.

“i already sent some soldiers to do some scouting around that area, they’ll be back in a couple of hours”

“god armin!”

“what..”

“it’s like you read my mind! i was literally gonna ask to go do that.” you giggle slightly at the coincidence. armin lets out a sigh of relief and says ‘y/n!! don’t scare me like that, i thought i did something wrong!” you both giggle at armins fright but as you two were laughing away, little did you know, a mr. connie springer was watching from the crack in the door.

connie quickly walked off after he realised he was literally eavesdropping on you and armin. ‘why am i feeling so jealous? god, get a grip connie.’ he thought to himself and he stomps down the corridor, getting far away from you two in that room.

eventually, you find connie chilling outside, “connie!!” you run towards him in excitement. “i’m so sorry, i’ve been stuck in that room planning with armin all day. but i missed you so much” you say before wrapping your arms around him.

“ugh, babe. it’s fine, seriously!” he says hugging you back, slightly too tight.. “connie. cant. breathe.” he quickly lets you go, “shit, sorry.”

you raise an eyebrow and ask “are you sure you’re okay..?” “what?! what a preposterous accusation!” he says defensively “okay now i know somethings wrong. since when do you say ‘preposterous’?”

he sighs in defeat, he cant lie any longer “okay fine. i just got a bit.. jealous.. when you were with armin today, okay? armins super smart and so are you, so maybe you two should just marry each other and have super smart babies” he says, as he slides down a post, hitting the ground with a thud.

“connie…” you slide down to sit next to him, “connie, i know you think me and armin are super smart but, i think YOU’RE super smart. you’re so emotionally and socially intelligent. i love that about you and not even just that, i love everything about you! and if i’m gonna get married and have super smart babies with anyone, it’s gonna be you.” you say as you give me a sweet, genuine smile.

thank god you know him so well or else he would’ve never had said anything.

JEAN KIRSTEIN -

is that what jean think he just saw? y/n, HIS partner with eren jaeger?? oh wow. greatttt, no it’s fine.

IT IS NOT FINE. why were you talking with him and why did you both seem so happy? this jealous anger that was building up inside of jean quickly switched so sadness. this man was so heartbroken.

his ego just felt it got crushed by a 100 buses. his first instinct was to fight eren as usual but, it had been a while since their last fight honestly and if anything.. jean looked up to eren. sort of. he really appreciated his boldness, his strength and his willingness to keep going no matter what. although, he was still a suicidal maniac.

jean already felt like second place to eren in most things but now his partner? really?! jean couldn’t take it anymore so he decided to go on a walk in trost, maybe even pop by his house and have his mum make him an omelette.

after you were done talking to eren, you go to find jean but.. he’s no where to be seen? and after EXTENSIVE searching for the whole place - you knew where he had gone. you get to trost as fasttt as possible and end up at his house, talking to his mother. she lets you inside, of course, offers you tea and omelette, which you politely decline and head straight for jeans childhood room.

you slowly open the door, the old creaking letting jean know of your presence before you even said a word. “hi babe..” you say slightly awkwardly, “so, how come you ended up here?” you ask and you slowly make your way towards the bed. jean stares at you as he chews his omelette, which he eventually swallows and continues to stare at you. “why were you with eren?” he eventually asks after some silence “oh jean! really? that’s what this is about?” you ask, slightly annoyed.

“yes it is!” he exclaimed and jumped off his bed in anger “do you know how—” he begins to choke up “how much i hate yet respect eren? he’s so much better than me in so many aspects and he has some god awful traits but also some incredible ones that people could only DREAM of having.” tears begin to stream down his face and before he says another word, you jump up and wrap your arms around him.

you guys stand there momentarily. while still hugging, you say to him “i’m sorry, jean. i didn’t know you felt like that. i just- i hope you know how much i admire you more than anyone else. it’s not just because we’re together, it’s because you’re an amazing person.“ you slowly pull away from him “you may look up and respect eren, but i look up to YOU.” you wipe his tears gently “and so do so many other people.” you smile tenderly at him.

he’s such a lucky guy to have someone like you.

REINER BRAUN -

big bro does not get jealous. sorry but, this man is too perfect. he doesn’t get jealous because why would he? he knows you love him and that’s more than enough for him. he genuinely trusts you with every fibre of his being however, he doesn’t trust other people.

it’s less of a jealously thing and more of a protective one. he doesn’t get jealous if someone’s flirting with you, he gets protective over you. like get the fuck away from my s/o, bro!!

ANNIE LEONHART -

hot take: annie gets so jealous and so insecure when someone she believes you could like gets too close with you.

the ONLY REASON she would ever get so jealous or insecure is because you guys are in a relationship. this cold demeanour that she keeps up with around everyone else is not a thing when she’s around you, she just feels so herself and so authentic around you and the thought of that getting taken away scares the ever living shit out of her.

so, when she sees you chatting it up with sasha, she shits herself. now usually, sasha wouldn’t faze her but sashas bright, outgoing personality seems like something that you would like and that’s terrifying.

however, annie doesn’t say a WORD about how jealous she’s feeling. she’s already scared enough but she’s more scared to piss you off by saying something. but, that’s your mfing girlfriend!! you know when there’s something wrong with her, so obviously you asked,

“annie, are you okay? you’ve been really off lately.”

she looks at you confusingly “what? i’m fine.”

no she’s not.

“i know when somethings wrong, so just tell me!”

she doesn’t even look at you. she cant bare to face you right now. while she’s ignoring you, you think long and hard about what could be wrong and you finally come to a conclusion..

“omg. you’re not jealous i’m spending them with sasha, are you?”

annie’s eyes widen in shock, how did you know?! well, now you’ve said something, i suppose there’s no point in lying.

“yes, i am. you caught me.” annie puts her hands up in defeat.

“annie~ you silly bugger! there’s no need to be jealous, it’s just sasha, she’s just my friend. as great as she is, i could never date her..” you say reassuringly.

annie smiles slightly, “i appreciate that, y/n..”

BERTOLT HOOVER -

connie springer. most people wouldn’t be jealous of a 5’2 teenage boy but this 6’3 teenage boy is. connie is just so outgoing, bright and funny and bertolt is scared that you may just find him better than him.

so when he sees you two acting really close, he starts freaking THE FUCK OUT. he’s soooo flipping scared, he’s genuinely scared to face you again.

when you you over to him after being with connie, he just freezes and you’re so confused, “bertolt, what’s up with you?” you ask “o-oh, um, it’s nothing. i just couldn’t sleep last night.” he says, sounding very unconvincing. for the next week, he does EVERYTHING for you, just hoping that that’ll be enough to override connie’s impeccable humour.

“hey y/n, you can have the rest of my food! i don’t want it.” he says as he holds out his plate to you.

“bert.. why do you keep giving me your food? and making my bed? and washing my clothes? and just doing everything..?”

oh my god, he’s fucked it. HES DONE TOO MUCH, WHAT DOES HE DO NOW??

“i- umm. well—” he freezes.

you pat the seat next to you “come here, what’s wrong?”

he sighs “well.. you’ve been hanging out with connie a lot and i don’t know, he’s just a great guy..”

“bert..” you say sorrowfully, “connie may be a good guy, but you’re the greatest guy i know! there’s no need to ignore me or try to impress me. i love you just the way you are.”

bertolt puts his head in his hands “god, you’re right. i was being silly wasnt i?” he said sheepishly

you giggle at his embarrassment “yes, very silly.”

LEVI ACKERMAN -

brother, this man has been through enough shit. honestly, he doesn’t get jealous - the worst that could happen to you is you dying. which happens to everyone he loves. if for someone reason you were to cheat or break up with him and move on to someone else, at least he knows you’re happy and loved.

“hey levi, i’m going to help erwin with something, will you be okay on your own?” you ask

“yes, i’ll be fine, y/n.”

“i’m sorry if i’ve been with erwin more often lately, it’s just that-”

he cuts you off, “y/n, it’s fine. i seriously don’t mind you spending time with him for whatever reason.”

you look at him sweetly “okay.. sorry. i’m gonna go now, i love you!”

“yeah, yeah.”

“I SAIDDD.. i love you” you say as you give him a wide smile

he sighs “i love you too.”

ERWIN SMITH -

nile dok. always going around trying to take erwin’s partners man😭.

you’ve been in wall sina with the military police a lot lately, dealing with all the shit they’ve got going on and therefore, you’ve come in contact with their former commander, nile dok, A LOT.

although erwin had chosen the secrets of the titans over marie, doesn’t mean he wasn’t lightly suspicious and jealous when you kept mentioning nile. however, this is erwin smith, he’s a grown and mature man and what do grown and mature men do? talk about their problems!!

“y/n?”

“yes..?”

he chuckles slightly before speaking “gosh, this is going to sound so silly now i’m thinking about it. but, is anything happening between you and nile?”

you burst out laughing “what?! me and nile? erwin, come on now!”

he rubs his forehead “i knew it was silly.. i was just feeling a bit jealous, that’s all.”

you sympathise with him very quickly “aww erwin” you go into hug him “i’m sorry, i know i’ve been there a lot but i promise, there’s nothing happen, just pure innocent work.” you say as you rub his back.

you both pull away “i do know that, i think i just wanted some reassurance that’s all.” he says.

HANGE ZÖE -

what is y/n doing.. talking to mr. levi ackerman? aha.

now.. hange wouldn’t think much of this, but they could see what people would like and appreciate levi, especially after seeing how petra was with him - for someone reason, they can’t shake this feeling of jealously! what does one do when they’re jealous? get angry? cry? talk to their partner?

nope. hange is going to distract themselves until they simply forget. they begin to get super indulged in their work like i’m talking, you’ll leave the lab and they’ll say they’ll be another 5 minutes then you go back in the morning and they’re STILL there. researching titans over and over, taking any mission they possibly can, yapping about random stuff over and over, and eventually, you reach a breaking point.

“and then i said YOU CANT DO THA—”

“OKAY HANGE. hange..” you yelled

hange looked shocked at the sudden outburst and quickly shut their mouth.

“hange, what on earth is going on here?! why’ve you been indulging yourself in your work more than usual? you’re spending hours and hours on work and random stuff and i feel like i haven’t been able to get a word into our conversations lately!”

hange stops and reflects, oh my god. has it really been that bad? hange just wanted to do a little more work than usual, to distract themselves but clearly it’s been much more.

“i-i-” hange is speechless for once. “i-i’m sorry. i’m sorry y/n, oh my god!! what have i been doooiiinnngg..?” they slam their head on the table in front of them

“i don’t know, what have you been doing? i wanna know!” you ask, feeling slightly frustrated.

“god, y/n!! i’ve been so stupid, i was JEALOUS over you and LEVI, OUT OF PEOPLE?!” it’s like it all hit them at once, how crazy and silly they’ve been.

“i am soooo sorryyyy, snuchems” they say, pouting. “please, tell me a really long story so i’ll finally shut up for a few hours, i’m begging you. im sick of hearing myself at this rate!” they say with their hands clasped together, pleading with you.

“first of all, forgiven. second of all, LEVI ACKERMAN REALLY? third of all..” you look mischievous.

“okay so it started when i was 13 right and i was still living—”

[lover-of-mine]

I'm gonna start this off by saying that this has been ping-ponging around my head like that old dvd screensaver, quicking around and getting more unhinged every time it hit a corner since April. And while this is a meta on the cemetery scene in Death and Taxes, I will be going back and forth in the whole show, so I don't know, buckle up, grab your delusional juice, and come with me if you feel like it.

First thing about that scene is that it tries to make you think about the equine therapy conversation in Dumb Luck.

They are in a location we have never seen before and probably will never see again, the outfits are similar, and even the circumstances of the conversation could be read as close to each other, considering Eddie wasn't doing well after almost dying, Buck is definitely not handling his death well. I made a way too detailed meta about the cinematography of buddie during Eddie's breakdown era (you can read it if you want more details) but the main thing about the dumb luck conversation is that Eddie is finally letting Buck in after continuously shutting him down when he tried to offer help and that's reflected on the way they filmed the scene, the way they are talking, moving, positioned in the frame. It's about Buck reminding Eddie that there's hope after all. Considering the moment Buck's in, with them alluding to that conversation, you would've expected for them to do a similar thing with Buck, right? That this scene going to give Buck the same type of peace the equine therapy talk gave Eddie.

But it doesn't. One thing that's kind of a pattern with Buck, Eddie, and Eddie reassuring Buck (if you could call 2 scenes a pattern) is that they have Buck looking up at Eddie (I also talked about this in more detail here if you're interested) but that's interesting because of Buck's height, he's the tallest person in the room, so he's not usually looking up at people, but something about Buck as character is that he has the tendency to sit in higher places, so he's always higher, and he even picked a place where he can sleep in a high spot.

But when he's getting reassurance from other people in his life, they are both usually sitting down, at the same eye level.

But when he goes to Eddie for reassurance, Eddie is standing up and Buck is sitting down, so Buck is literally looking up at Eddie when he goes to Eddie for advice. And Eddie is always focused on Buck, in Home and Away, Eddie is reasoning with him, and in Recovery Eddie is trying to give Buck what Buck is asking while not pushing his boundaries.

Why is that relevant here? Well, Buck spends the whole conversation in the cemetery trying to get Eddie to look at him and Eddie spends most of the conversation looking forward so he won't have to.

And that alone is very interesting because Eddie is always looking at Buck. I could legit put 100 screenshots here to prove it. So the fact that Eddie can't look at Buck here, means something. Because Buck wants Eddie to be on his side, he needs Eddie to tell him he's doing the right thing, but the way he's talking is making Eddie shut down.

Buck wants answers, right? He wants the easy way out. He died, he has feelings about it he doesn't want to deal with, so he's looking for whatever answers he can get so he won't have to. But the way he's talking sounds a lot like the way Eddie talks to him in Kids Today when he drops Christopher off with him before the tsunami. Very you're alive, get over it thing Eddie had going that ended with him literally destroying everything he had. So, like, we know that's not the way to go about near-death experiences, it doesn't end well because the pressure has to go somewhere and let's face it, Buck has never dealt with anything that happened to him ever. He can't just keep moving past the shit he's been through, at some point, that's gonna catch up to him.

But the thing about the actual content of the conversation is the way that Eddie tries to do the thing he usually does, reason with Buck, "been down that road, don't recommend it" or "or you don't know her the way he does" or "now am I allowed to ask how you are", because it's how they work, but Buck shuts him down with the "I feel like she sees me, like she really sees me for who I am" because that threw Eddie off balance in their relationship, in their friendship really, considering they way they showed us buddie from in a flash to mixed feelings, Eddie is trying his best to be someone Buck relies on, the way we've seen him rely on Buck through his trauma recovery. And one thing we see Eddie constantly do is back away so he won't get hurt once things get too intense. He puts space between him and whatever is bothering him, he ran to LA to escape his parents' judgment (and to be closer to Shannon but his parents played a part there), he kept Shannon at arm's length through most of the time she was back in his life before she died, he kept pushing Buck away after the lawsuit, he pushes everyone away really before his PTSD took him down. Dude retreats from the fight if he's not sure and Buck throws him off balance. Because up until this moment, Eddie thinks he's helping, but we see him realize he was wrong and shut down in real time.

He's still trying, but his thing now is agreeing with Buck. This gif has 11 seconds, black and white because I wanted the whole thing in one gif, but Buck is trying to get a reaction out of him, but Eddie already moved to a whatever you say buddy mode. AND EDDIE JUST WON'T LOOK AT BUCK.

So Buck wants to know if he's doing the right thing, Eddie is agreeing with him not because he agrees with him but because now he thinks that whatever he's doing is not helping so putting distance between them will be what's best because Buck is getting what he needs somewhere else so he needs to minimize the damage to himself.

And the distance thing is something that stays until the end of the season, because during the first half of 6B, they are together the whole time, mixed feelings being obviously the biggest example, but they made a point of highlighting the fact that they were very close outside the firehouse, just to stop. They were chilling at Buck's loft, they were out and about scheming the fire captain, Buck looked more comfortable at Eddie's than he did in his own place. But then we don't even see them together in the hospital after the bridge. Like, there's s p a c e now.

And I spent a really long time trying to figure out what was going on with this scene that made such an impression on me, and it's that Buck doesn't sound like someone who believes in what they're saying, he sounds like someone who's justifying themselves and hoping they are doing the right thing. And Eddie doesn't really let him get away with this line of thought, not usually, but he does now, so they leave that conversation with different impressions of how it went. Buck thinks he's right and Eddie is just backing the fuck off.

And a while back it downed on me what other scene this made me think of. And that's the fountain scene in merry ex-mas.

They are even shot in a similar way, the off-center wide angle, the close-up from a side angle where you can see the other one slightly blurry, the focus of the conversation angled toward the front of the frame, everything happening in an outside location we will never probably see again, the way they are not looking at each other. And the conversation is similar too, I mean, sure they are not talking about dying but it is a big decision in Eddie's life that sounds like Eddie is justifying himself and needs Buck to agree with him. And Buck is agreeing with him, and not talking about it even though we KNOW he has opinions because he kept trying to talk about it with Chimney because Buck doesn't think it's his place to have an opinion and offer it to Eddie. Both scenes sound like they are talking and understanding each other but what the scene is showing us is that they are not.

And something about the way they are pretty much never looking at each other is that it is a way to show they are not seeing eye to eye in a situation, the most extreme example I can think of it is when Eddie drags Buck out of bed in Kids Today because they are pretty much never looking at each other there.

But to have them face the same direction is a really easy way to make you feel like something is wrong, especially if they are not moving, because if they are standing in the same spot for 3 minutes they could've turned to face each other, but they don't, because the message here is that they are not really seeing each other. And that in a conversation where Buck is talking about being seen by someone else????? Like, come on, that's so on purpose.

I also wanna add a take that's not mine, all credit to @anxieteandbiscuits for putting this particular thought in my head with this post, that's basically about how the "dating someone you rescued? that never ends well" line might also be another justification for why Eddie chooses to stay quiet. Because one thing is true, and that is that buddie do be rescuing each other. And it really sounds like something Eddie would do, to justify to himself not doing something that could make him lose Buck any way he could, because romantic relationships are very unstable, no matter how much you want it to work, how much you love each other, there's a very real level of unpredictability in a romantic relationship that doesn't exist in their friendship. So to imagine him going "the friendship is good, the friendship is what I need, I won't do anything to change that because I don't have to and it probably wouldn't end well with our track record anyway" makes a lot of sense too.

If you made it to here, I love you <3

I have more metas here if you feel like reading more of my brand of insanity.

[pigmentpoltergeist]

I finished The Sunshine Court the other day and the hyper fixation is hitting, so here’s some evidence gathering for the question of what the fuck is going on with the Knox family—

Cat trips up when telling Jean how many siblings Jeremy has, tripping between the words ‘has’ and ‘3’ in a way that leaves Jean unsure what she’d had to change. This might be because of Jeremy’s boundary setting around calling his step-relatives relatives—maybe something about Cat almost not including a step sibling in the count but correcting herself because they’re in public and the Knoxs have that whole ‘public facing unity’ thing going on—but, that feels like it would be a really out of character punch for Cat to pull, especially right before insulting Bryson. I think it’s much more likely that a Knox sibling is either dead or gone—so either Cat tripped over ‘3’ and Jeremy had/has a fourth sibling, or Cat tripped over ‘has’ and there’s something going on with the other Knox brother that makes Cat double think using the present tense. But--

In the same section, when she insults Bryson, Cat says that there's bound to be a jerk or two once you pass four kids. So, my money is on there being another Knox sibling we haven't heard about yet

There are a lot of emotionally charged reactions to the way Jean talks about the Ravens/his past in the book, so this moment in chapter ten doesn't get a lot of focus from Jean's pov, but Jeremy has a big reaction to Jean’s off-hand speculation about whether or not Grayson will kill himself. Jeremy bites back at that so hard that Cat winches. (But, that’s all she does. Cat doesn’t seem confused about the reaction at all.) This reaction from Jeremy especially stands out next to how deliberately patient Jeremy tries to be with biting back his first reaction to most of the wild information Jean keeps dropping on him. This might be a misread or a jumped-to conclusion on my part, but it feels like suicide, specifically, might be a soft spot for Jeremy. But, since Grayson is Lucas' brother, it's equally possible that, if there's a nerve being hit here, it's sibling death.

(This bit is more blind speculation on my part, but something about the impressive amount of self control Jeremy has when receiving distressing information from Jean feels like it's going to be important. Compared to Cat and Laila needing to be calmed down/stopped from reacting multiple times when getting new Jean Lore, it’s really notable how many of Jeremy’s own initial reactions we watch him bury on page—he does react to a lot, of course, but compared to the baseline regular/not in-the-know-about-the-mafia-shit characters, Jeremy manages himself weirdly well. He seems to have an amount of practice in emotional self control that is notable, is what I'm saying, especially in scenes like the conversation in the book store where he keeps clenching his knuckles white and almost snapping coat hangers and just. Carrying on the conversation until an emotion like concern or shock stops him in his tracks. Combined with that line Cat has about how Jeremy is living proof that “the right therapist can be life changing”, my money’s on Jeremy having had some serious anger issues at some point; probably high school, considering what he says when explaining the trojans’ good sportsmenship to Jean—)

On Jean’s first night living with the trojans, Jeremy has a little monologue about how he wasn't 'born trojan’ and how his high school team encouraged competitive attitudes and insults just as badly as any other team. That monologue gets interrupted by a line about how Jeremy “clapped his hands together as if crushing his past self between the two.” That feels loaded, even if it's not out and out confirmation that Jeremy was involved in a toxic level of competitiveness/antagonism. There's something about high school Jeremy that Jeremy really doesn't like.

Whatever the big, family destroying event was, Annalise’s scene implies that it happened/came to a head at the fall banquet of Jeremy’s freshman year. (That probably means that, if any other Knox siblings were directly involved in the event, they would have needed to be invited to the banquet; either as a player or a guest.)

Annalise. Annalise has big beef with exy, and with Jeremy playing exy. Jeremy doesn’t just say that she stopped coming to his games, he says that she has gone out of her way to forget everything she ever learned about the game. That might just be hyperbole for hyperbole’s sake, but, given the fact that Jeremy says she hasn’t forgiven him for still playing the game, I feel like some of Annalise’s baggage here isn’t just that Jeremy happened to be at an exy banquet when the bad thing happened—it feels like she’s placing a share of the blame on the sport itself.

So, in terms of out and out conclusions to draw: something happened in the fall of Jeremy’s freshman year of college. This nebulous thing severed the family badly, and is also the reason that the entire sport of exy is dead to Jeremy’s sister. The Knox family lost a sibling (unless you assume that it’s specifically Jeremy’s friend group that considers him to have one less sibling, which is possible since it’s only Cat we see trip, but seems less likely to me). Finally, given Jeremy’s reaction to the Wayne/Grayson conversation, I’d be willing to bet there’s also a suicide/death at play.

(Blind guess I’m making: I think it's possible that maybe a Knox sibling killed themself because of exy. Maybe due to not getting accepted to a top rank school when their brother made it onto the second ranked school in the country off of the same high school team, maybe because of Jeremy hitting the collegent level and out performing them, maybe in part fueled by some residual animosity from a high school rivalry between themself and Jeremy. Whatever the case, it would have needed to happen in the aftermath of an altercation/argument between them and Jeremy at the fall banquet for the way Jeremy time-stamps it to make sense.

But, this is a blind guess on the heels of a first read through of the book--a book where Jeremy is going out of his way to not think about important information--so this is probably way off base. Given the way his family reacts to small things like Jeremy dying his own hair, any number of small scandals at the banquet could have been enough for them to blame him for 'breaking the family apart'.)

(Also, fully unrelated Jeremy fact that I couldn’t fit anywhere else: Jeremy’s dad is in the military and maybe alive? Given the fact that Jeremy will not call his step-grandfather his grandfather, I’m assuming his line about his dad having been stationed in Europe a few times is about his biological father, and I don’t know why he’d pick the word stationed if it wasn’t a military thing.

The way Jeremy cuts himself off in that same line is really weird, too. It’s not a period, it trails off weirdly and he shrugs. What’s that about, Jeremy?

Anyway, hope the fact that Jeremy’s dad was stationed in Europe a few times doesn’t come up in the plot line about a European crime family’s activities being investigated and possibly publicized.)

[werewolfnatural]

okay but the dean winchester of it all about Stiles like both were left with the household responsibilities by absent (and likely drunk) fathers and neither of them have felt like kids for the longest time after the deaths of their mothers

trying to focus on stiles here because of the conversations about the BH parents currently in the tags today but the sheriff may love Stiles but he definitely left Stiles to parent himself

he tries the whole “I’m the father/you’re the son” but Stiles hasn’t seen it like that since Claudia died likely shifting when she first started getting sick and Stiles had to take care of her and himself because the sheriff was either working or drinking, and like dean Stiles probably had to care for his dad when he was drunk too and if Stiles’ anxieties are anything to go by then the sheriff wasn’t taking care of himself let alone a sick Claudia and young Stiles—that kind of anxiety doesn’t just stem from nowhere and I think it’s definitely in part to Stiles not being able to lose anyone else but also because he’s seen that the sheriff couldn’t be trusted to take care of himself

(this likely changed when he quit drinking but Stiles’ anxiety is still high so I don’t think that it actually changed all that much, and I think that stiles drives is part of all this bc yeah every kid wants to drive but I definitely think it was also bc it was a necessity he had no one to drive him places and needed to be able to go grocery shopping etc bc at least for Scott Melissa did do that much)

and I could talk forever how this can play into (nonsexual don’t fucking start) emotional incest with Stiles caring/monitoring the sheriff the way a partner would similarly to dean being compared to Mary so much and how both get judged for this by the fathers, like you’re the kid why aren’t you acting like a /normal/ kid but who else was there to care for them and keep the family going? Who else was there to take care of the fathers, who had proven they wouldn’t do it themselves, if not the kids? It’s kids parenting their parents while trying to raise themselves

and going off the Stiles caring like a partner would is definitely on the sheriff for not reinforcing boundaries, something that’s definitely impacted Stiles since (especially in the first seasons) we see him lack boundaries with his obsession with Lydia and with his and Scott’s broship (which are whole other posts god) but also with coach and the illegal shit he gets up to

Stiles has never had someone there pulling him back from too far and too much which is why I definitely think stiles raised himself, he has his own specific morals (he’s actually pretty violently inclined sometimes, especially for those he loves) plus the lack of faith in any higher authority that stems from being left/neglected from the authority that was supposed to care for you and protect you, because the sheriff did leave Stiles with Claudia a lot even after she had attacked Stiles in her state, because whether Stiles ever actually processed that or not it would’ve felt like a betrayal—that the sheriffs job was more important than stiles’ safety, and Stiles lying to the sheriff about everything regarding the supernatural totally lends to Stiles not trusting the sheriff to believe him (which happens) or trusting that a higher authority (the cops/adults in BH) to actually do anything about it and also lends to Stiles still being the protector/carer in their relationship

I could go on and on with more examples but I’ve already rewritten this like five times trying to word it for the last hour and I’m still not happy with it but I love digging into these complicated familial relationships and talk about Stiles (and dean) forever

[punkassbookjockey26]

Sleight of Hand, Part 4: The Kiss

I wrote this thing in like an hour, so it's probably pretty rough. Enjoy reading! I'm glad I am able to write again.

Rating: T, Warnings: Language

-------

Another week passed, and Aelin was ready to tear her hair out.

Rowan had been at her apartment almost every night since their accidental cuddle sesh the previous Thursday. He didn’t seem to realize what had happened, or if he did, he was taking the “it never happened” route. Which was fine by her. After all, he was the one who wanted to be friends, and friends didn’t have sleepovers that involved cuddling.

But for the past week, it became clear that whatever “just friends” meant to the both of them were two wildly different definitions, and it was slowly driving her mad. He texted her first thing in the morning to tell her he hoped she had a good day at work and punctuated that same workday with jokes, comments, or other silly things that inevitably led them down a rabbit hole of discussion. In the evenings, they watched movies, dissected TV shows, talked about their favorite books, and he even managed to teach her a card game that was somehow more ruthless than ERS.

Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she had so much fun with someone who wasn’t Lysandra and didn’t think she ever had this much fun with a member of the opposite sex. Too often, they were trying to get into her pants to really want to talk about her interests. Still, she and Rowan had settled into a casual intimacy more befitting of a long-term friendship than the brief companionship they had found in each other.

It pissed her off to no end.

They shared so many of the same interests. They could talk for hours, waxing poetic about the intricacies of their favorite books and the utter shit that some critically acclaimed movies were – their only constraint was time, and even then, he would pick conversations back up almost immediately when they were both awake and ready.  

In addition to the ease of their conversations, there had been the touching. So much touching. The soft grazes on her legs when they sat in bed to watch a movie; the hugs he mentioned that he hated but seemed to dole out to her at a whim; the casual grasping of her hands, her legs, her feet, her whatever body part he could get a hand on. Nothing salacious, but every time he brushed against her skin, Aelin couldn’t help the want that bloomed imperiously in her body.

The past week had been excruciating. Aelin felt on edge, torn between running away from him, knowing that devastation lay waiting in the wings, or confronting him about the confusing nature of their relationship, only to get rejected again. Aelin had been all ready to shut down her crush on him. She could respect the boundary he set – nothing said he was required to pursue a relationship with her, even if the feelings were mutual. She had worked hard to ensure she had her heart eyes under control when he was around. But Rowan had the complete and utter audacity to be charming, funny, gorgeous, and totally into her, even if he wasn’t interested in furthering their relationship.

She never stood a chance.

And really, if she spent longer than five seconds thinking about it, the whole situation scared her shitless. Here she was again, careening headfirst into a level of infatuation that was frankly insane. She shouldn’t have been surprised – it was her MO when it came to guys and dating, but she figured after the shit with Chaol that she would have been more discerning. Apparently, all it takes is for a guy to treat her with the slightest modicum of respect, and she was a goner.

That thought plagued her every time she opened his text thread, or he stopped by her apartment. What she had already felt for Rowan had eclipsed her supposed feelings for Chaol, and she had stayed with him for almost two years. All she could see was the end of the summer and the soul-wrenching pain of heartbreak. But she couldn’t stop herself. She found herself obsessing over the slight touches, the warmth of his body radiating into her as they sat next to each other on her bed, the infectious way he made her laugh, and the smiles he seemed to save just for her. It had only been two weeks since he slammed that wall down between them, but to Aelin, it had felt like a lifetime had stretched between them during those two weeks. He made her feel so much that it was already hard enough to walk away at the end of the summer. But right now? Even with self-preservation on the line, she couldn’t make herself do it.

Which was why she found herself standing at the door to his apartment that Friday evening. He had texted her earlier to let her know that his roommates were heading out of town for the weekend, and he had the whole place to himself if she wanted to stop by for a movie marathon. Aelin surmised that he probably didn’t intend the suggestive tone she read from his message, but heat had spread quickly throughout her body at the thought of being truly alone with him. She had her own room that allowed for some privacy, of course, but she was never without company in her apartment, not with the scores of friends who had unfettered access to her home.

Her skin prickled in anticipation as she knocked on the door. She shivered when the breeze brushed over her, definitely due to nerves; Rifthold was experiencing one of the hottest summers on record, so whatever wind was just as warm and sticky as the night that surrounded her. She heard the shuffling of footsteps from inside, a lock that thunked into place, and the whine of older hinges as the door opened in front of her.

Rowan smiled at her brightly, that smile that seemed to be only for her. Aelin hadn’t seen him interact with many people to know if there was a difference between what he gave to them versus what he saved for her, but she had the impression that smiles for him were rare. She savored those smiles. They were precious and, in her mind, meant only for her.

“Hey, Ae,” Rowan said warmly. She swore her heart fluttered at that single-syllable utterance. Two weeks, and he already had a nickname for her. Took Chaol several months into their relationship before he called her anything other than Aelin. Just another obvious tell that Chaol had not been right for her. Rowan’s presence in her life put all of Chaol’s shortfalls on blast, and she may as well have been keeping a running tally every time a new one popped up.

“Hey, yourself.” Aelin found herself returning his smile with a grin of her own and didn’t wait before entering his apartment. It wasn’t as spartan as she had expected – she had seen the interiors of some apartments with nothing but a chair and a TV – but the furniture was sparse, making the transient nature of its tenants obvious. A single couch lay against the wall opposite a TV on what appeared to be a rickety stand. A foldout tray stood beside it, holding up the latest gaming system. It was functional, but it was also evident that Rowan had never intended to put down any roots.

Swallowing the lump that rose unbidden in her throat, she turned back to Rowan. “You mentioned a movie marathon. What are we watching tonight?”

Rowan brushed a hand behind his head, that same nervous tick she had noticed from the beginning. “How do you feel about westerns?”

Aelin tried to avoid making a face, but it was almost instantaneous. Westerns were decidedly not her favorite thing, but they were obviously something that Rowan enjoyed. She knew she had misstepped the second his grin melted away into embarrassment, and he immediately started backpedaling.

“We don’t have to watch them,” he said sheepishly. “We can watch something else instead.”

“No, Rowan,” Aelin stepped towards him, laying her hand on his arm. The heat of his skin scorched her palm, and she felt him take a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry for making a face just now; I wasn’t trying to make any decisions or make you feel bad. What movies did you have in mind?”

Rowan’s demeanor brightened a bit at the concession. “You’ve heard of The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, right?”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Well, of course. I think everyone has.”

“Did you know it’s actually the third movie in a trilogy?”

She was surprised, even though there really was no reason for her to be. She didn’t watch Westerns, so why would she know it was part of a trilogy? She only knew of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly by name.

At her silence, Rowan continued to talk. “It is arguably the best movie in the trilogy, and obviously the most well-known, but The Man with No Name has many stories to tell.”

Aelin started. “I’m sorry, the who?”

Rowan chuckled at her. “Let’s start at the beginning.”

---

Three hours later, Aelin felt herself dozing. They had gotten through A Fistful of Dollars with little fanfare and immediately started For a Few Dollars More. But the second movie was almost twice as long as the first, and while she hadn’t hated the experience so far, it was a bit of a stretch for her to say that she was actively enjoying the movies.

Rowan, on the other hand, sat rapt next to her, his eyes never moving away from the screen. He mainly had been quiet throughout the first movie, only focusing on her when she had a question regarding the plot. Aelin could tell that this was one of his favorites, so she made sure never to give the impression that she disliked it, but after pausing the movie and declaring a need for a break, she found herself curious about something.

“So why Westerns?” Aelin asked. He was wearing a faded Nirvana t-shirt and another pair of ratty jeans. She was pretty sure the shoes next to the door were a beat-up pair of Chuck Taylors. Everything about him screamed alternative, so the Western thing was a bit surprising.

Rowan had paused for a moment, thinking. “My uncle loves them.”

Rowan took a deep breath, almost as if to calm himself down. Aelin prompted him to continue.

“My parents passed away when I was eight years old,” Rowan said quietly. “My dad had a heart attack when he was still young, and my mother followed soon after, consumed with grief.”

Aelin felt the tears welling up. “Oh, Rowan, I’m so sorry.”

Rowan waved his hand noncommittally, but it was evident that he still felt their deaths strongly, even years later.

“Afterward, I went to live with my uncle and my cousins. I have so many of them; having another child in the midst didn’t seem out of place. He watched Westerns whenever he had a chance. When I missed my parents or didn’t want to be around my cousins, I sought him out, and we would watch them together. He is a huge fan of the John Wayne ones, but his favorite is Once Upon a Time in the West. The director, Sergio Leone, also made the movies we’re watching, effectively creating the whole ‘spaghetti western’ sub-genre.”

Aelin wrinkled her nose. “What’s a spaghetti western?”

Rowan laughed. “Literally speaking, they're Western movies made by Italian directors,” he started. “But also as an antithesis to the traditional US Western. Most US Westerns depict a conflict between an incorruptible hero and a diabolical villain. Spaghetti Westerns turn that tradition on its head and are categorized by their rougher, bloodier, and more violent nature. You see that Clint Eastwood’s character isn’t a good guy, right? But he is still very much the protagonist of these movies.”

Aelin thought about the movie for a moment. She supposed that even if the film wasn’t her thing, she could appreciate the storytelling aspect of having a flawed anti-hero as the protagonist.

Aelin turned and smiled back at Rowan. “If Once Upon a Time in the West is your Uncle’s favorite, what is yours?”

Without a beat, Rowan responded. “Also Once Upon a Time in the West.”

“Well, why aren’t we watching that one instead?”

“Because,” he stated. “It’s an almost three-hour movie, and if you’re already fading this much with just A Fistful of Dollars under your belt, you’d never last.”

“I am not fading,” Aelin said indiginantly.

“Sure, you definitely weren’t dozing the twenty minutes before you called for a break.” Rowan’s eyes twinkled in the dim light, his joy illuminated by the TV screen. They commenced in a staring contest, neither one backing down from their asserted position. Time seemed to still in that moment, and Aelin felt like she was drowning in the warmth radiating from his emerald green eyes.

Moments passed before Rowan spoke again, this time softly, and Aelin might have missed it if she hadn’t already been so free with the attention she gave.

“Thank you.”

The soft comment broke her from her daze. “What are you thanking me for?”

“For watching them with me. I know it’s not your thing; your face spoke volumes earlier. But I still appreciate your willingness to watch them with me just because they’re my favorite.”

Aelin felt emotion swell inside, her face splitting into a wide grin. “Of course, Rowan. I want to learn about what makes you who you are.”

“Well, in that case…what is your favorite movie?”

Aelin chuckled. “We’re not answering questions about me right now.”

Whatever shadows had lingered in his eyes from his earlier conversation had cleared, and only a mischievous gleam remained. “But part of what makes me who I am is an insatiable need to know more about you. I actually can’t believe we’ve spent most of the last week watching movies, and this topic never came up once.”

Aelin smiled softly at his antics but quickly sobered as she noticed he was still expecting an answer to his question. “You’re going to laugh.”

“I absolutely will not,” Rowan said, crossing his finger over the left side of his chest. “Cross my heart.”

She sighed deeply before resigning herself to whatever happens.“It’s Beauty and the Beast.”

A deep laugh burst out of Rowan’s chest, and Aelin scowled at him. Chaol had done the same thing, and she supposed it left a sting behind.

“I swear, I’m not laughing at you. Okay, maybe I am, but only because you thought I would laugh at you for liking the first animated film to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar.”

“Okay, maybe it’s not that embarrassing, but plenty of people have made me feel bad for enjoying a “kid’s movie” so much.” Chaol for sure had, preferring the over-the-top artsy crap that was always in the running for awards.

Rowan immediately stopped laughing and looked at her somberly. “Well, those people are dicks and wouldn’t know good cinema if it bit them in the ass.”

---

Rowan had pressed play on the movie not too shortly after their conversation, but Aelin couldn’t recall much of what had happened. She had tried to stay awake, but the stress of the week and the film that was most definitely not working for her led to her falling asleep. When she woke, the soft grayish light was peeking through the blinds in the living room, letting her know that it was still very early in the morning.

She and Rowan had fallen asleep on the couch together, it appeared. And much like the week before, Rowan had wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her into his body. She marveled at how well they fit together, that even though she was definitely on the tall side, he was still that much taller and broader than she was. She fit perfectly under his chin.

But unlike last week, she had difficulty extricating herself from his arms. She was comfortable, surrounded everywhere by his warmth and that pine/snow scent radiating off him in waves. It made her think of home, of Oakwald forest where she would play with other members of her family who had been lost to time, illness, and more. The forest was so close to the Staghorn mountains that when the wind would come in from the mountaintops, it mixed delightfully with the lush pine scent of the trees.

She would only allow herself a few moments of snuggling, but then she would work on removing herself from his arms again. She got lucky last week in sparing themselves the embarrassment, but she didn’t think she would be so lucky this time.

And she wasn’t. The second she turned her head away from the window, her eyes met a set of green in the dimly lit space. Her breath hitched. Aelin wasn’t sure how Rowan would handle being caught in this compromising situation, and she didn’t really want to stick around to find out.

However, neither of them moved. They both lay entwined, breathing each other in. The couch was not deep, and if not for how close they were laying, Aelin likely would have ended up on the floor at some point in the night. Rowan’s hold on her waist seemingly tightened around her, and Aelin swore he could feel the thunderous beat of her heart against his chest.

It could have been seconds or minutes that they lay there looking at each other, seemingly unwilling to move from this protective haven of warmth and comfort. And just as Aelin decided to remove herself, Rowan reached his hand to cup her cheek.

His palm was warm against her face, his thumb swiping across her cheekbone so softly that Aelin wasn’t entirely sure it was happening. Rowan’s fingers twined with the hair coming loose from the ponytail she wore last night as his gaze turned into something molten that caused a fire to spark to life inside her.

Before she could ask him what he was doing, Rowan leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against her mouth.

It wasn’t anything more than a chaste peck, and it was over before she even fully registered that it happened, but Aelin jumped in his arms at the touch, and without his arm around her, she started falling off the couch.

Rowan immediately shifted, trying to keep her from sliding off the edge, only to end up on the floor in the ensuing scuffle. Rowan’s hand cradled the back of her head as if he were trying to prevent a head injury in the half foot or so she fell to the floor. The other was wrapped tightly around her waist, and with the added bonus of gravity, Aelin could feel all of Rowan’s weight deliciously on top of her.

They both stared wide-eyed at each other – Rowan’s were mixed with a level of surprise and concern, whereas she was confident that hers were just surprised by the unfolding of events that occurred. A moment passed. Another. A third one before Rowan finally put them out of their misery.

His lips pressed against hers once again.

This one was not the chaste kiss from mere moments ago. This one had a hunger to it that left Aelin breathless. She registered his soft, firm, demanding mouth against hers and moved hers in whatever way he directed. She felt the soft slide of his tongue against her lips, and she gladly allowed him entrance to her mouth. Their tongues sensually moved against each other, and his hands tightened around her waist. He had pulled her fully against him, not that there was anywhere else to go between his hard body and the floor. Not that Aelin even wanted to move.

The rational part of her said that they needed to stop and talk about what was actively transpiring at that moment. But the other part of her brain was content to keep this boy in her arms for as long as possible.

Rowan had moved from her mouth down the column of her neck, placing little nips in the sensitive skin before trailing back up and doing it all over again. Aelin carded her fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck, the same spot he went to when he was nervous. He sure didn’t seem nervous now. In fact, Rowan seemed completely capable of kissing away the breath in her lungs.

But as he nibbled down her neck, she couldn’t help asking. “Rowan, what are you doing?”

“Kissing you” was the only smart-alec response he got from the man currently ravishing her.

“But…what about…,” Aelin drew in a sharp breath as Rowan found a particularly erogenous zone right at the base of her neck, where it met her collar bone. Aelin attempted to stifle the moan that slid up through her throat, but she was not entirely successful. She heard Rowan groan in response as he continued to place sucking kisses against her sensitive skin.

Aelin tried again to get his attention. “Rowan…I’m-…we’re not supposed to be doing this.”

Only then did Rowan stop. He pulled back from her throat, his arms braced against her head as he stared down at her. She watched as he licked his lips as if savoring the taste of her mouth inside his, and she practically melted right into the floor.

Never in her wildest dreams had a man look at her the way Rowan looked at her then. Like she was fierce and passionate, a warrior, but also someone capable of taking his breath away. He sighed, reluctantly relenting just a tiny bit of space to say his piece.

“We can do whatever we like. And you’re right; we probably shouldn’t. But now that I’ve started this, I can’t seem to stop.”

It didn’t hurt her ego to hear him say that. She had practically been in a whirlwind of emotion for the past week, analyzing and reanalyzing their interactions, and it was nice to hear that he had been experiencing a similar kind of hell.

“We can be friends who kiss, right?” Aelin asked tentatively. She didn’t want to do it, but she also knew that this would only ever be a summer fling, so if she wanted him, she needed to meet him where he was and be okay with what happened after.

She didn’t have to wait long. Rowan quickly returned to what he was doing before she interrupted him. He even responded to the question she asked about friends who kiss. However, despite the shiny golden light unfurling within her like a newborn star, his response to her question left an ominous sense of dread in its wake.

“We can be friends who kiss, but I still have to leave at the end of the summer."

---------------

Tagging those who might still be interested in this ancient fossil of a fic:

@highqueenofelfhame @shyvioletcat @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @morganofthewildfire @mariamuses @1islessthan3books @superspiritfestival @jesstargaryenqueen @chieflemming @swankii-art-teacher @rowaelinismyotp @booknerdproblems

[hydropyro]

Raphael / Hope Theory

Continuing from my previous theory regarding Raphael's relationship with Haarlep, this is my theory about Hope.

Raphael is 'in love with' Hope (in his way, to paraphrase him)

Evidence 1: In the House of Hope there are several notes written by Korilla that document conversations between Hope and Raphael. The most important of them for this theory is 'Taming of Hope Part 1' which reads as follows:

- - -

Raphael: Did your mother sing you nursery rhymes?

Hope: What?

Raphael: Little Miss Teffle, sat on her kettle, steam blowing between her lips. Along came her oven, in need of some loving, and soon she had scalded her hips.

Hope: That's funny.

Raphael: And yet you do not laugh. Come, Hope. Don't look so aggrieved. This little realm around us, this house, you have mastery of it.

Hope: And you of me.

Raphael: Sing me a song. Hope? I'm speaking to you. Now, don't go silent. I'd hate to have to slit a child up the navel and rinse you in their insides.

Hope: You're some pervert.

Raphael: Then sing me a song, I say! Nursery-sweet. But don't demean. I'll know if you do.

Hope: (after some moments she does. I remember our mother used to sing it to us, a gentle melody laden deliciously like plump young arms laden with autumn-ripe apples. When the song concludes, Raphael sighs and looks at my sister)

Raphael: You're something, my dear. Really rather something. I would have you master your own fate. Let me give you free reign to do so. Let's abandon this whole ugly imprisonment. Serve me willingly. Things would be as merry and jubilant as that song you've just given me.

Hope: Sweet Raphael?

Raphael: Yes, Hope?

Hope: Eat. Shit.

Raphael: But--

Hope: Stuff your maggoty tongue in some other woman's ear.

Raphael: (here he looks upon her with such longing and hate I think he might actually [end] her.) Oh, that was in error, my dear. In grave error. I shall see you soon.

- - -

I believe that Raphael constructed the House in part for her, and repeatedly asks that she take her place, I believe as the 'lady' of the domain.

Her sister, Korilla, is Raphael's loyal warlock. Her mortality points toward Hope also being mortal and not some ancient embodiment of the concept of 'hope', though Raphael probably gets a kick out of the juxtaposition. My personal headcannon/assumption is that Korilla sought to be his warlock before Raphael's obsession with Hope began, and that Hope may have been part of Korilla's payment for his patronage.

The House of Hope was built just before the events of BG2, and thus is just over 100 years old, well within the lifespan of a mortal dwarf.

We know this because while in the House of Hope in Act 3 we can speak to the Infernal Mason, a skeleton that claims to have been the architect of the House. He was *also* the architect that built Moonrise Towers for Ketheric Thorm. Upset by Thorm's corruption and change of devotion from Selune to Shar, the architect made a deal with Raphael, asking him to fight Shar's encroaching armies before the Shadow Curse took hold.

Raphael did this, which is how Yurgir came to be in Shar's Gauntlet, as he was part of the fighting force against Shar, and specifically her Dark Juctisiers.

Now, on a darker note (TW: SA) I think Raphael has likely found loopholes to try and get with Hope. As a devil I think he requires affirmation of some kind, or a positive contract, before he's able to assert himself over anyone (in any fashion). This is why he doesn't force himself on Hope. He can't. She would say 'no', and he can't breach that. (Whether he physically can’t or has a personal boundary not to, I’m not sure)

But, when you first visit the boudoir, Hope appears and expresses disgust for the space. You can ask her, "Have you been here before?" to which she replies, "Never willingly," implying that she *has been there unwillingly*. Knowing what we know about the space, I'm guessing that she has met Haarlep.

I think it's possible that Raphael has used Haarlep to charm a 'yes' from Hope. (ie Hope would say 'yes' to Haarlep under his innate incubus charm/seductive magic but wouldn't to Raphael).

Haarlep, like Raphael, also appears to require an affirmative, but has natural abilities that cause people to be charmed and seduced by him, forcing people to agree to things even if it's not entirely consensual. As such, Haarlep is able to take your soul if you fail certain checks during that scene (or if you click on the option to give up your body and mind for scientific purposes).

Raphael his highly charismatic, but he doesn't have these magical charms, and so he has no way to coerce Hope to say 'yes' other than torture, which hasn't worked thus far.

Whether that would mean Raphael could also participate along with Haarlep, or would only be able to watch, I'm not sure, but given all of the evidence I have no doubt it's happened.

And, in Raphael's form Raphael would have all the sensations even if Haarlep was the only one capable of touching her.

I believe Raphael intends to create a sort of Zariel, corrupt someone holy and use their power for evil. Hope is powerful, and he allows her to indulge in her power. For example she’s able to ‘astral project’ in a sense around the House, and he permits it.

Raphael intends on becoming a God. While I don’t think he’s ‘lonely’ I think it’s possible he gets bored, and would want a partner to keep him company. It seems that Hope is the goddess he’s set his sights on.

[chin-chilla-7]

Accountable AU! Headcanons of how Mammon, Leviathan, and Asmodeus would react if reader is asking about their boundaries & telling him about their boundaries so they won't be likely to upset or anger each other & another incident won't happen again?

Thanks so much for the request! The specific boundaries being placed are vague as this focuses more on the brother’s reactions than the boundaries themselves. Hope that makes sense!

Mammon, Leviathan, and Asmodeus react to an MC asking for and setting boundaries with them.

Mammon

I’ll be honest, Mammon’s first reaction was “wait, you can do that?”

Cause, for him, he just does shit that his brother’s are less than fond of, and then they retaliate in ways that he’s less than fond of.

But now you’re telling him that you can, like, talk it out, and establish limits to keep from getting upset with one another?

He’s kinda taken aback by the idea, but he goes with it, interested in where it can lead.

He is the one most likely to forget what boundaries you’ve set, but it’s not out of malicious intent, he just has a bad memory sometimes.

But he is trying really hard.

When he first starts setting boundaries with you, he doesn’t really tell you a whole lot. Because, really, he’d be willing to let you do anything to him.

Not that he’d admit that.

But as time progresses, he realizes that there are things he doesn’t like and he starts to talk to you about them.

He may try to talk to his brother’s about some boundaries (namely Lucifer) and it goes better than expected. It was refreshing from their usual interactions.

It does still boggle his mind a little, though.

Leviathan

Leviathan is most likely to be resistant to tell you his boundaries. Mainly because he doesn’t think they’re worth saying: he thinks he’s asking too much, y’know?

He’ll probably tell you some of his boundaries to stop your prying, but he doesn’t give you the full list.

When he tells his brother’s (mainly Mammon) what he doesn’t like, it feels like they ignore him, so he doesn’t see the point in telling you.

But he’ll listen to yours 1000%. He’s considerate in that way. Besides, he knows what it’s like to have his boundaries ignored, and he doesn’t want you experiencing that, too.

As things move forward, he notices that you’ve been taking his boundaries to heart. Whether it be how you physically act towards him, the things you say to him, how you engage in his interests, etc., he notices you had listened to what he had asked.

So this helped him open up in telling you some of the other things he had left out when you first asked.

This is something that really helps Leviathan’s confidence, especially when around you. He’s more relaxed and happy whenever you’re around.

Asmodeus

Surprisingly, Asmodeus is very aware of setting boundaries of all kinds.

He has had many, many sexual encounters that require the need for proper boundary setting/safe words.etc., so he’s pretty well-versed in this type of conversation.

Though, the conversations he is used to are much less tame than this one, so that’s about the main difference.

So that makes it a little difficult for him to articulate boundaries he has outside of the bedroom.

He never really thought about boundaries that way, so he doesn’t have much of an answer at the time you ask.

Any boundaries you have, he’ll listen. He understands how that part works, regardless of if it’s for intimacy or not.

As time progresses, Asmodeus will update you on his boundaries now that he’s thinking about them for everyday things, too.

This ranges from times you can hang out with him, to what food he prefers, to what compliments he likes the most, etc.

He’s getting the hang of it, and there’s something freeing about having boundaries outside of the bedroom, too.

He’s really glad you asked about it. You are, too.

[treason-and-plot]

“Where’s your car?” says Anya.

“I parked a couple of blocks away,” says Roy. “I wasn’t sure if I was still supposed to be hiding it from your Dad or not. But after tonight I don’t give a shit what he thinks of me or my car, to be honest. The reading on my give -a -fuck meter is a big fat zero.”

“I think he’s slowly warming to you, though,” says Anya.

“You’re joking,” says Roy.

“If he hated you he would have ordered you to get out of his house. That’s what happened when my last boyfriend came to dinner. Mind you, he did have a bit too much wine to drink and told Dad he was a sexist dinosaur.”   

“In vino veritas,” says Roy. “You still want to walk me to where my car's parked?"

“Of course,” says Anya, slipping her hand inside his in a gesture that feels completely natural and also sweetly intimate. They cross the road, and he tries to shake off the feeling that Michael is peering at them from between the living room curtains, a rifle in his hand.

“Babe, I gotta ask you. Whatever possessed you to talk about my dick to your parents?” says Roy. “Don’t you remember that conversation we had about boundaries, for Christ’s sake?”

“It was before we had that convo,“ shrugs Anya. “It was just after we spent that whole weekend together and I was kind of…overwhelmed by everything. And I mean, everything. I think I was kind of fangirling to Mum about your penthouse and certain other assets when I got home, and Dad would have probably overheard. So, yeah. I’m embarrassed now. Can we talk about something else?”

“We can keep talking about my dick,” says Roy. “I’m actually fine with the two of us talking about it. It’s just the thought of your parents talking about it that weirds me out.”

“Well, you weirded me out tonight talking about marriage,” says Anya. “So I guess we’re even?”

[aquillis-main]

Not going on Anon for this one because I feel like that's just kind of cowardly when the intention is to have an actual conversation, and not harass or anything.

According to Emily, Chugga flat out didn't apologize in person, though without screenshots on either side it's just he said she said, so take it as you will.

That being said, Masae, who if you may remember was Chugga's friend for a solid decade, came out with the exact same thing.

I hate that this is happening too, but take everything into consideration. Not just Emily. If you don't believe her (which, fair, she's falsely accused people before), then Masae's record is clean on that front, and has no reason to lie. At best, Emile has some serious problems with realizing where boundaries lie, and needs to work on that. Which, Entirely possible that he is. I hope he is. But you can't really expect people to not react negatively to this. If I'm remembering correctly, Lucahjin was in the middle of some big controversy a few years ago and grew to be better. But the onus is on him to actually be better.

Will I personally stop watching him after this? Probably not. But that's only as long as this doesn't happen again.

That's great and all that you came out off of anon to express your opinion on this subject... The thing is, you're missing the entire reason why I'm mad about this whole thing. Sure, Chugga has a problem with boundaries, that's something Chugga has addressed and has stated to have gone to therapy for, and is probably still going to therapy for it. That's good on him doing that. Making him go to therapy, to get better was NOT on Lady Emily's interests, though.

Lady Emily wanted people to slander Chuggaaconroy because she had enough out of context deets for the sole purpose of dragging his name through the mud. Him being forward and pushy, him having a foot fetish, and her being a woman with a famous man were the three strikes of most Internet people's name having their fame removed and people shitting on the famous internet person. She didn't dare call people out for harassing Chugga, she lied about not accepting an apology from him (and, in fact, this whole situation was fixed privately in the past as well), and she deliberately cut context for the purpose of making it seem like Chugga was asking for sexual feet pics when he (ATM only) wanted to see Emily's feet in a non-sexual context. She also was still cool with the whole 'feet pic' bit, and actively participated in it with him. The fact that she wanted to slander Chugga more than keeping every single conversation to herself made Emily shoot herself in her own foot.

It was already handled, the situation was done, Chugga went on to go to therapy like he said. Emily only brought it out because she thought slandering Chugga would be better for whatever she wanted to do than anything 'nice' about it. She only threw everything out there for clout.

I'm not mad because chugga's name got dragged through the mud. I'm mad because all the dragging is by someone who just threw an innocent man under the bus for clout.

[dudeyuri]

ah the feel-good, snoozefest, milquetoast ending i feared and expected.... in both its highest points and its lowest points ONLY FRIENDS was a case against fixed pairings

i skipped forward all of the topmew scenes in this one again, so this episode was probably a cool 30 mins for me. i’m preaching to the choir i know but they were SUCH a glaring weak point in this show. to the point of unwatchability. they did top so dirty, man. you can’t root for a character who’s just so…cardboard. you can’t even love to hate him. did he have a meaningful conversation with anyone other than mew in the entirety of the series? top was underdeveloped, mew was kind of a drag (revenge era notwithstanding). the tension there was just not giving.

a lot of their post-ep2 relationship development was to build up to mew’s devastation, and to wink-nudge at the audience. any topmew tension before the reveal came from us knowing what top and boston did, while an oblivious mew just thought top was checking all his boxes. removed from the context of the secret, they just went on a series of boring dates, lol. and then we were back at square one with top trying to prove himself to mew--this time without the tension of the big secret. naturally it fell so flat. and goddamn did they give these two a whole lot of screentime. who enjoyed this? did force//book fans even enjoy this? (unless any of their scenes in the last two episodes were somehow good because. lol. i did not watch them)

nick going back on his “i love you the way you are, you don’t have to change” in the eleventh hour SUCKED majorly. seeing boston grovel SUCKED even more like REAL BAD. one big happy friend group, right where they started, sucked. and boston being left alone in the end like that was not fun for me

he was rebuffed during the new years kiss. he was allowed no rebuttal after nick insisted that he would be happier alone, when boston had just said he can have feelings for nick and simultaneously want to sleep with others. yeah his communication skills left something to be desired, but you really could make the case that this is because the boundaries he DOES set are constantly crossed by others--so why should he bother even setting them? idk his ending did feel kinda punitive, i agree with a lot of what i’ve seen, but it also felt just unresolved. what was the point of his last fling with nick?

idk they should have let bostonnick be “nasty” (big quote unquote here) together. boston is still endlessly interesting to me i will probably have more today on this. forever my favorite only friend, forever that girl

at least we have sandray. the bi4bi sandray mutual crush on keira knightly was the episode highlight for me because yeahhhh, same (episode highlight, aside from the almost-threesome in the pool. and sand owning his status as DOG. and first kissing force). as @jolselin said. time and again firstkhao really outsold. the only friends tagline: firstkhao outsold. forget everything i said about fixed pairings

and the mix cameo…i should’ve dropped my “here’s how mix in only friends can still win” post yesterday. know i screamed. and boeing, gone as suddenly as he arrived, was a lot of fun. it’s greedy but i would’ve appreciated just an inkling of what his deal was. and i also wish this show leaned into its absurdity a little more. 

okay a harsh review and thumbs down for the last episode. but if there’s a second season or spin-off I will ABSOLUTELY watch. this shit was so hysterical and fun and wild and sexy. this was my best friend’s first BL and we basically spent a full hour every saturday cry-laugh-yelling “what the fuck” at the screen. from the baffling music cues to the ubiquitous bubblegum pink lip tints, and with the exception of topmew, it was such a blast. thank u jojo et al

[invisiblegarters]

Only Friends Character Rankings - Ep 8

Decided to start titling these with the episode but dear god now I have to go back and fix them and apparently I am not consistent with my tagging (shocker), so probably that won't happen. We'll just move forward.

Last week Sand pissed me off, Ray managed to get what he wanted while still kinda looking like a loser (and making Boston either a prophet or just someone who knows Ray way too fucking well), and Mew won the ep by being impressively unhinged in his revenge and making the supremely dumb (and messy) choice to date Ray. I enjoyed the visuals but also couldn't stop laughing because you know Book was bending his knees so he could do the forehead touching and neck nuzzling with Khaotung. It must have looked so awkward.

ANYwho, let's get to it, shall we?

Disclaimer because I'm gonna need it this time: these are my opinions only and do not necessarily reflect what the show is trying to do or the characters' actual motivations. While I try to take a step back as much as possible while doing these my biases and personal experiences are still going to come into play and today I'm more frustrated than usual.

You've been warned.

Characters (Fave to Least Fave atm)

Sand. Look, I was terrified about what he would be doing this episode last week. I worked myself into a whole lather about it. But he was awesome here. He set clear boundaries and stuck to them, he rebuffed Ray at every turn. He tried to move on with his Freddie Mercury soul twin. Or at least hook up which I would love for him, everyone else gets to at least kiss someone else why hasn't Sand, huh? WHY HAVEN'T YOU LET SAND KISS ANYONE BUT RAY, SHOW THIS IS WORKING MY NERVES PLEASE TAKE HIM OUT OF COLD STORAGE. *ahem*. Frankly he exceeded my expectations.

So I want to know what all the people dragging him for not doing enough fucking want. Do you want him to hit Ray over the head with his guitar (me too but we all know he hasn't been pushed that far yet)? Leave the country? Change schools? What?

He's trying. This whole episode was him trying to let Ray and whatever hopes he may have harbored about him go with as much dignity as he could - yes he was softer about it than I would have been, but Sand's just like that. He is taking responsibility for his own damn feelings the way he always does and he's trying to deal with them alone, away from Ray, without causing fuss. Ray's the one hounding the shit out of him right now. If it's about him running to help him with the cops, well, I sort of get it but not really - Sand would have done that for anyone he cares about, and he knows damn good and well if Ray's caught with coke after he just got into trouble for drinking and driving his dad might not even be able to get him out of it. He'd have done the same for Nick guys (not that he'd have to but my point stands). You can't just turn caring off because the person you care about sucks. And he could have stayed and babied him and he chose to leave and baby Nick instead, and to me that feels important.

Although it might be about the preview, which okay, fair. And if it is I can't throw stones because the preview for this ep had me incandescent with rage last week.

Beyond all that, though, I just want to know: has anyone ever taken care of this man? Because it feels like no. Every relationship in his life, form his mom to Ray to Nick, even to Yo in this ep, he winds up playing caretaker. The shoulder. The one people rely on. It bothers me that he seems to have no one to lean on in turn, and I doubt he's gonna get that at all in the run of this show.

Boston. I love Boston I will never stop. He didn't do a lot today but everything he did do was great. Pining over NIck but still shutting him down, genuinely listening to Atom, showing up to a party with all the friends who hate him right now and being like "yeah, my place too, suck it." Hands down my favorite conversation this ep was between him and Top - something about it felt so oddly playful. Well, you know, for Boston. It felt like whatever hang up he had with Top, it's gone now, which makes me think once again that it was less about him than Mew. Also he did this:

and it made me cackle.

He's gonna fuck Atom and piss Cheum off but Atom's a big boy so I'm not really that bothered by it. That said, it was funny to watch him hesitate for once. Like hm, this could go badly. And then Atom was like "so?" and that was that, lol. Oh, Boston.

Mew. Oh, Mew. I was so disappointed when I saw him doing lines with Ray. This is not the way I wanted you to spiral, babe. But I did call it. He wanted Ray to make him forget how he feels about Top, but Ray can't do that because Mew is about as into him as he is the wall. In fact he might be more into the wall, if possible. It was certainly a trip watching his face every time Ray got affectionate. And when Ray isn't working, what does he turn to next? Alcohol. Drugs. Anything to help him pretend he's moving on. "Habits (Stay High)" is Mew's song this episode.

But in the end it won't last, I firmly believe that. Mew will boomerang back to himself, maybe not as gullible as he calls it, maybe a little less uptight, but yeah. He's not going to keep wearing Ray's persona like his own little Halloween costume. He's got too good a foundation for that, has been too firmly rooted by the love of his parents and even his friends (yes, his friends, they might not be good for each other but all of them try to be good to him save perhaps Boston I said what I said).

Although we still have four eps so I doubt it'll happen soon.

Top. I just don't get the need to hate on this guy. It's getting super old. I think he's really trying - he clearly cares about Mew, and he's cared for a while, and he wants him to be happy even if it's not with him. Weird to me how when Ray said the same everyone bought into it, but when Top does it it's sus. Especially when Ray demonstrably couldn't even keep to that claim, lol.

But I digress. Maybe I'll have egg on my face in two episodes or whatever, but I feel for him. And I believe that he actually cares about Mew. You don't just stand there and take all the things that Top took from Mew this ep and then turn around and take care of someone when they're drunk and high and their new boyfriend is nowhere to be found to do the thing they promised they'd do better than anyone else. Maybe he'll do something beyond the pale in the next ep and that will be that, but right now he's putting his money where his mouth is in regards to Mew and I have to commend him for that. I am curious if he will continue doing so if Mew tells him to leave him be and means it - has he done that? Because as far as I can recall he has not, which is telling.

He was stand up this ep, but he does lose a few points for cuddling Mew while he was incapacitated. Because Mew would definitely not want that were he awake and sober (or well he would but he would still say no and that's the point).

Popular theory is that he called the cops. If he did, I basically say *shrug*

The Lesbians. Yes they are an entity leave me be. I am not one who thinks that Cheum was entirely wrong, although I do think that there's a time and place and maybe while someone is being pinned down by the cops isn't it. She is wrong that Ray is dragging Mew down with him. Ray isn't doing that, Mew is happily sliding all on his own. Well, not so happily but the choice is still his. Ray is enabling it, yes, but of course he is. One, it's Mew. Ray has no idea how to tell Mew no. Two, Ray does all these things himself. Of course he's gonna be okay with Mew doing them too, because not only does it reinforce his own shitty habits, it give him one less person telling him they're shitty. I agree with fandom that Cheum is not Ray's friend, not really. But Ray isn't hers either. Both of them care about Mew. The end.

April though was the real MVP of the two of them. Woman speaks sense, both about Mew and about the situation with Ray. I think probably because the only person she really cares about here is Cheum, so it's easier for her to step back and see the others from a more neutral place.

Nick. Still out here trying to earn the gold in the simp category of the messy Olympics. The brass balls he had to go up to Boston like he did, though. Like. Okay. I still think you're insane but I can respect that. HIs hurt face when Boston shut him down didn't get to me this ep, but his Halloween costume was cute.

Daddy Dan is gonna be a problem. I can't wait. Every time that man smiles I'm like danger, will robinson, and yet I'm so ready for Nick to walk right into that thinking that he's moving on and finding that he stepped into something he can't handle.

Ray. This happy motherfucker.

Where do I even start with this one. He has Mew just like he always wanted and he can't even give it fifteen minutes before he's bugging Sand. Like dude. Come on. Give the poor guy a break please. But of course Ray won't - all he's thinking is that he can have Mew for boyfriend and Sand to make him feel better about himself. It's...frustrating to watch.

But also he was so pathetic everywhere this ep that I don't think I've ever liked him more. He's such a loser, I'm sorry but not really. Like it cracks me up that Sand gets shit on for wanting him and Nick gets shit on for wanting Boston but I'm supposed to feel bad for this dude? Nah. At least Sand and Nick haven't stopped quite so low as to be the willing rebound for a dude that clearly doesn't want them yet (I mean, Nick so would. Sand...not so much. More on this later).

Relationships (Fave to Least Fave atm)

TopMew. I actually think these two might be able to make it work. They're the only couple I think this about now.

They love each other guys. Sorry but it's true. Maybe Mew won't be able to get over the Boston of it all, and if he can't he can't. But he wouldn't be spiraling this hard if he didn't still love Top - he certainly wouldn't have looked at him the way he did in the hostel kitchen with his defenses down, high and miserable and sick and hurting so badly and still in love despite his best efforts. And he wouldn't need to hurt him so damn badly, either. And Top loves him back.

Now all the masks are off. Whether or not they work together that way remains to be seen.

YoPlug. Look you leave Yo alone Jojo I am not kidding. I know you were being all clever and showing Sand his closed off future (which again, wouldn't be happening if people didn't hurt him, Ray), but I'm not having her crying on my screen. You stop that.

That said, as short as it was the breakdown of the relationship felt too real. Sometimes loneliness becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, but what are you supposed to do when every time you put your heart out it comes back a little less whole?

Nick and Sand. Can they please make out. So far Sand is the only one of these six dudes who hasn't so much as kissed anyone other than his OG pair (I'm counting the preview to slide Nick in here, sue me), and I for one am sick of it. You better pay me back for this insult with Sand getting his mouth (and hands) all over everyone soon. Starting with this guy.

Even if they don't kiss on the mouth (RUDE), I do love how they support each other. Sand led Nick out of that hostel like "yes you are crazy friend but we're all a little crazy in love, lean on me and I'll get you home." And I love that for them.

BostonNick. Boston catching feelings? Who would have thought (me, forever ago, lol. I said Nick might sneak in under the radar because Boston was so sure he couldn't possibly, and it looks like I might have been right). The fact that he knows that Nick was the one who told Mew about the sex tape because Nick was the only one he told. Good times. The way he shuts Nick down in spite of the fact that he clearly misses him. Also good times. I genuinely can't wait to see what they do next.

RayMew & RaySand. Putting them together because they're like pb&j for this show. Can't have one without the other rearing it's ugly head. Yes, I said that right.

Ray and Mew were exactly the dumpster fire most of us expected (I'd say all of us but I know there were some people out there who were hoping they wouldn't be - I see you and I appreciate you). Mew is wild out here not even being able to hide how little he enjoys Ray's boyfriendly attentions, and even I had to wince when Ray was waiting for him to say "I love you" back and he just kind a looked at him like "That's...nice." Dude couldn't even kiss him unless he was performing for Top (and okay look, in context the kiss was not great. Out of context? Book and Khao BL when please?).

People seem to think he and Mew are going to be over at some point next ep, but I'm not entirely sure (although after watching the preview again I do think it's more likely than I thought at first, seeing as Mew is flirting with some dude and I don't think he'd do that if he and Ray were still pretending they might actually be able to manage a relationship when only one of them wants one - I could be wrong but I don't think so, even though he does not care for Ray like that I think Mew would be uber sensitive about it considering). That said, if it's Mew who ends it it's gonna feel like we're just doing yet another lap of the same damn track and I wish they'd change the record already. What is it Sand said? Moving on in a circle? Yeah.

Khaotung did say that Ray is selfish and won't stop until he gets what he wants, and I guess we're seeing it this ep. I was so annoyed with him getting up in Sand's space all the time, like dude. You have a whole ass boyfriend (as Sand kept helpfully reminding him). STOP. But he won't stop. Because why should he, right. If he pokes enough Sand'll just give in and then he can have his cake and eat it.

Everything Ray did and said to Sand at that party was awful (although I did get a kick out of him literally running up to pull Sand and the other Freddie apart like the pitter patter of his shoes on the floor combined with just watching him bolt that few feet to prevent lips from touching KILLED me I had to pause the video to cackle with sheer delight this absolute fuckass of a man (surprisingly affectionate)).

He really needs to quit kissing people that don't want him to, please. Like, yesterday. Damn, Ray. Also say what you like, defend it how you want, but trust me Mew would not be happy with any of what he was pulling at the party. Mew IS DATING HIM because Top did something very like, and Ray's big draw was that he would never. And here he is proving Mew spectacularly wrong.

He doesn't want a threesome and he doesn't want polyamory. He wants to play at being Hugh Heffner.

And while I wouldn't buy it of Mew, I totally believe Ray would tell Sand that he and Mew were done to get him back where he wants him. Sand said I won't be your second choice and Ray heard but he didn't listen, he never listens, and I feel like if he's not careful he's gonna push that man into doing something incredibly destructive in the next four episodes. I actually want to be wrong here - I'd like it more if the huge trailer fight wasn't about Mew at all - but the show seems to really want to make glue out of the RayMewSand love triangle horse so I guess we'll have to wait and see.

If I had my druthers since I guess we're doing round three of this, it wouldn't be Ray lying or going back to old reliable when Mew finally admits that he's just not that into him, but a genuine attempt to try to be together with admitted feelings on both sides. And then it would be Sand who does something to fuck it up. If I have to go through this yet again I want Ray to be all in and shattered for once. But let's be real here, this show never gives me what I want (Am I still bitter Top and Sand weren't exes? You bet your ass. I still think Top and Sand should hatefuck or there should be a flashback to a threesome with them and the ex okay it's just what should happen show why do you hate fun) so I'm not holding my breath.

In Conclusion

Things went both better and worse than I expected. Everyone here is a mess and I still have hope for that baseball bat.

Please for the love of all that is good in the world let Sand fuck.

[doublel27]

When we talk about character development for Carlos, all I want more than anything is for him to unequivocally fuck up. Where something is his fault and he needs to take responsibility for it and fix it. Where the show acknowledges that he did something wrong. Where TK gets to be mad at him without apologizing or calling himself crazy or a bitch for being mad. Where Carlos doesn't get to make snide comments like "I thought maybe we broke up" or "I thought you ate with Coop" when TK tries to fix things. Where Carlos has to be like "shit, I messed up, and I need to be the one to take the first step with TK". I know you probably don't agree with me on this, but every time they've fought or had issues, to the best of my recollection TK is the one to step up to start the conversation and fix the issue. I don't mind Carlos having major flaws or doing messed up things like hiding a whole ass wife (in fact I love hot mess characters), I mind that it's always treated as a) not a real flaw or fuck up, or b) equally or mostly TK's fault. I want to see Carlos show real regret, and not for things that are just his anxiety talking - like not having a fire extinguisher in the bedroom or not being able to forsee a plane malfunction - but real, actual things he did that were wrong. And I just don't think we've seen that, even if I suspect you disagree.

Here's the funny thing, sweet nonny, I don't disagree with you as much as you think I do.

I've been shouting from the rooftops alongside others that TK IS the better communicator of the two. TK always brings stuff up to try and fix it. He's the one with strong boundaries and clear communication because he has learned and practiced doing so. TK is always the one giving speeches. TK is always the one modeling solid communication and relationship skills. He is the one who knows how to pull information out of Carlos that Carlos would rather not voice.

Carlos...is not a talker. Oh, he'll sit and help TK talk through one of TK's problems. He's gotten better about sharing his feelings and concerns as the seasons have gone on, but Carlos is a doer not a talker.

We've seen it pretty consistently. When Carlos fucks up or is mad, he tends to shut everything down or he gets snippy. My man is very attractive and he's very acts of service driven and very clearly cares very deeply, but when he has feelings he doesn't want he shuts it all down.

He's also conflict averse and is prone to telling white lies to avoid conflict. He's been like that since day one. FRIENDS the man sent a "You up?" text that TK thought was a booty call and had a candleight dinner with a fish from the farmers market that he "knows it looks like a lot but it really wasn't that big of a deal" CARLOS YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE ABOUT.

This man said with a STRAIGHT FACE "I'm not trying to be your boyfriend, or even your friend if you don't want that." after the infamous red snapper dinner. SIR! You wanted to marry that man from the first moment you met him. Carlos, you damn liar. TK touched you in the middle of a rescue and you then went and mooned over him in a honky tonk until you asked him to dance and y'all got very busy in the bathroom...I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT YOU ARE OCCASIONALLY A LYING LIAR WHO LIES.

I don't know if we're ever going to get a big verbal mea culpa out of Carlos though, Nonny. If that's what you're looking for, it make take awhile.

Carlos's mea culpas (when not things he didn't actually do like fire extinguishers or planes) tend to be actionable items that he does to show he's heard TK or he's sorry or that he's working to be better. It comes in the form of asking TK out or giving TK space in 1x10 when TK says he has no idea what he wants. I know we all wanted Carlos to do a little more fighting there, BUT the last time TK tried to throw out boundaries in 1x02 we had Carlos calling TK crazy. Backing off WAS growth and an offering, that they clearly figured out sometime in the midst of that call.

We see it in season 2, when in 2x08 Carlos absolutely doesn't even attempt to back away from TK after rescuing him, even after his dad shows up, and Carlos heads over there with his chin raised ready to hear something about his relationship with TK as well as his poor choices.

Again in season two, after the fight at the fire station, while TK tries to apologize for what seems like the second time, Carlos insists they've already discussed it enough and he's busy making TK dinner (which is a massive way that Carlos shows he cares - feeding TK. He does it all the time)

Again, in 3.04, we have Carlos move TK in without saying anything as a sign that TK is fully welcome home regardless of whatever transpired before. In 3.13 Carlos learns from his spiral of not being able to be the one to acts of service TK into being better (because love doesn't cure mental illness) and manages to correct his mistakes and get out of the way of TK accessing life saving treatment from Cooper and stops conflaiting it with the acts of service Carlos performs (like putting pizza in the oven).

He's going to DO things not SAY things. And I think Carlos gets a lot of that from his family. Specifically, Gabriel. AND I think he does several of the things that rub him the wrong way with his father in his relationship with TK. Like, his father's attitude with Carlos and the bomber in Bad Call was not that dissimilar to Carlos with TK in 4.03 (although Gabriel was calmer, if not more disappointed) and even Gabriel's ability to shut that shit down got to TK in 4.04.

Apples don't fall far from the tree.

Anyway, in summation dear nonny, I don't disagree that TK has done a lot of verbal processing, apologizing and communication in this relationship. I just don't expect that Carlos is going to respond the way TK responds, because they're two entirely different people with two entirely different backgrounds that fit together like puzzle piecess.