#they want each out to fulfil these ideas of partnership they have in their head

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

My mum is watching MAF and I walked in and oh my gosh lol.

I don’t understand the odd expectations some straight people have about relationships.

The one woman is talking about how she wants him to do certain things and say certain things in the morning and I’m like girl!! You do it first!! You kiss him first, you instigate the hug! Say good morning and he will probably say it back 😩

People have different ways of showing things. If you show what you want they will probably follow

If I was dating a woman and wanted more morning hugs and I wouldn’t just say “why don’t you hug me in the morning?” I’d probably just start saying “awww can I I have a cuddle ? 💕” in the morning myself 😩

[nepenthendline]

take my hand - neuvillette x reader

a/n: just some sappy soft slow dancing with neuvillette, implied fem reader, hydro dragon being adorable and teaching you to dance

I might do a part 2 for this!

In the last few months, you've tended to find yourself in events like this: the yearly grand ball held for Hydro Archon's birthday. In true Furina style, she goes all out each year, hosting the most magnificent, yet, overwhelming, events with every important figure and name in Fontaine.

Being assistant to the Iudex alone wouldn't normally get you an invite to such event (unless Furina is running low on numbers), but as partner of Neuvillette himself, and a close friend to Furina because of said partnership, you're considered a 'must-have' at these parties.

It's easy to feel like a face in the crowd, a nobody, at these events when you're surrounded by wealthy stuck-up diplomats or CEOs wearing only the most expensive designer gowns and suits, or how you have no idea what they're talking about half the time. The hall is loud, crowded, and slightly too shiny for your liking, but you have to stay until the night is over.

There is one thing keeping you here, though: the presence of Neuvillette. You stand at the edge of the hall, glass in hand of whatever fruity drink the bulters are serving, eyes locked on the Chief Justice as he weaves through the crowd to engage in pleasantries with the guests. Whilst you wish he could stay by your side all night, you understand he has duties to fulfil, and getting to watch his tall figure, dressed to the nines, dart around is compensation enough. Picking Neuvillette out from the crowd is never hard - he doesn't exactly blend in with everyone else with his long, icy hair and that blue glow of his, not to mention the sheer weight of his authority.

Your smile grows into a grin as you notice his steps being directed towards you. You have to hold back a giggle as you watch the guests in front of him, that are blocking his path to you, profusely apologise and move aside, not wanting to get on the wrong side of the Iudex.

'I apologise for having to leave your side for this long, you know how Furina acts when it comes to these events,' he says before cupping your cheek with his gloved hand and kissing your head, 'but I'm all yours for the rest of the night'.

'It's ok, it's your job, and besides, I don't mind watching you,' you shrug off his concerns and retort in a teasing manner. His raises one eyebrow at you before letting out a deep, quiet chuckle.

'I see, well I hope I put on a good show for you my dear,' you nod and giggle at his remark, 'even so, these sorts of things aren't exactly my cup of tea either. I prefer to observe humans...from a distance,' he adds, which you know is his polite way of saying he can't stand having to engage in small talk with so many enthusiastic people at once. 'What do you have to drink?' He asks, looking down to your glass of brightly coloured bubbly liquid, whilst brushing his knuckles over your arm as a form of comforting affection. You look into your, still mostly full, glass and wrinkle your nose slightly.

'Couldn't tell you, but you certainly wouldn't like it,' you answer, placing the glass on the tall table next to you. His mouth opens, ready to say something, when the band changes to a new song - one that is slower and gentler than before. It's one you recognised since Neuvillette played it in his office from time to time. Your thoughts are broken when he holds his hand out to you and speaks,

'Would you like to dance?' He asks, almost hesitantly, with his lips curled into a sweet smile. Your hand reaches for his but stops halfway as you look between him and the dozens of dancing couples behind you.

'I don't know how to dance...like that,' you shyly admit, gesturing to the elegantly swaying guests behind him with your head. His smile grows sweeter as his lifts his hand to reach where yours hovered, taking it in his light grasp and pressing a kiss to your knuckles,

'Then let me guide you, my love,' he walks towards the dancefloor with you in tow, finding a less crowded spot before turning to face you once again. Looking around you, you could see how all the other women were situated - one hand on their dance-partners shoulder and the other clasped with theirs. You looked back at Neuvillette and moved your own hands to match. He gave you a small nod before putting his free hand around your waist and pulling you closer. 'Good, that's correct,' he praises, 'I will lead, and you can follow my steps. Let me count for us to make it easier. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3,' he continues counting in a hushed tone as he moves slowly - first taking a step forward, then to the side, and then back. You kept your eyes focused on the floor and what you could see of your feet under your ball gown. Luckily, the steps were slow enough that you could react, taking your own steps to follow him in turn.

'Ah,' he interrupts his conducting before taking the hand from your waist away and placing a finger under your chin, gently lifting your head until your eyes were locked with his, 'keep your eyes on mine,' he directed, but the words and the intensity of his gaze made you want to bow your head immediately again. He let out a huff of a chuckle, returning his hand to your waist and pulling you closer, closing any gap between you two so you couldn't look at the floor. With this move, you had no choice but to keep your focus on his eyes. Even despite being together for a few months now, holding eye contact like this still made you nervous - you felt like a lovestruck teenager put on a spotlight against his gaze. Your cheeks grew warmer, and you couldn't help the bashful look on your face.

'I'm not used to this,' you whined, 'go easy on me,' although your tone suggested you didn't mean any worry.

'That is true, although having you look at me is for more selfish desires, I must admit.' He confessed. If anyone else said such a phrase, you would believe they were teasing, and yet his words felt so pure.

Maybe it was the reflection of the many chandeliers or the glittery dresses around you, but his eyes seemed to shine more than usual. You often liked to admire Neuvillette's features, but more so when he was unaware of your lingering glances (or so you thought). His featured looked so soft, so ethereal in the glistening light - your eyes roamed his face, and occasionally, the scenery around you. However, his never left yours once. Neuvillette is known for his status and commanding authority, and yet, right now, he had never looked so gentle.

The hand on his shoulder moved further in, brushing against the hair near his neck. You only realised he had stopped counting a while ago when he let out a quiet, satisfied hum.

'Seems you're a natural,' he commented, making your cheeks flush even hotter.

'Oh,' your head falls to look at his chest instead in embarrassment, 'I don't know about that. Maybe you're just a good teacher,' you return.

'Perhaps,' he says, although it doesn't sound like a genuine consideration at all. You shake your head gently, as if trying to wash away your discomposure, then returned your eyes to his waiting pair.

Despite your worries, you couldn't help but feel yourself sink into his hold and let go a little further whilst looking at him - it was like you were the only two in the room right now; you could barely even concentrate on the music. You let out a deep breath and smiled at him, and he smiled back, smitten.

He leaned down slightly and shortened his steps so that he could rest his forehead against yours. Your noses occasionally brushed against each other as you swayed in tandem.

'I like this,' you murmured, as if it was some guilty pleasure. The curve of his lips grew wider as he nodded slightly,

'I like this too.'

[mysticheathenn]

What Kind Of Love Do You Need?

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is a Patreon All Tiers reading about what kind of love do you need. This can be romantic, self-love, platonic, or even familial.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

Extended Patreon Includes:

How will this love change your life?

Extra Messages

MasterList

Patreon Link

Ko-Fi Donations

Pile l:

What kind of love do you need? Tarot: The Lovers, Ace of Cups, Ace of Pentacles, 6 of Wands, Hanged Man, & Page of Swords.

Romantic. "I want a real love, dark-skinned and Aunt Viv love, [Redacted Part Of Song], That leave a toothbrush at your crib love, And you ain't gotta wonder whether that's your kid love"- J.Cole & Real Love by Mary J. Blige played in my head as I was shuffling pile l. You are in need of a healthy love. The kind of love where you both celebrate each other's wins and even losses, being each other's cheerleader, a shoulder to cry or lean on when life knocks you down, a love where there are no games just pure love, communication, and peace. There is a heavy sense of peace and fulfillment for you, with the kind of love you need. You probably have dated people who wanted nothing but to waste your time, and energy, or even unfortunately use you. You are now working on yourself and if you aren't I feel a glow-up is coming soon where you do work on yourself to help manifest this kind of love into your life because you want a partnership. A true soulmate that was ordained by stars (God, Allah, etc) themselves. There will be no confusion with this kind of love. I'm hearing Greenday- Broken Boulevard but only the part of " I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone" I feel for some of you those who aren't working on themselves yet you have some ways to go before this kind of love comes into your life. You may still be hurting from your previous relationship or if not still hurting you're in the energy of "Everybody ain't shit and you're better off alone." For others, it's not too far but it's also not going to show up tomorrow the window I am intuitively feeling is within the next two years. This is a long time coming for you pile l. I can feel it's something special. Patreon Post Link

Pile ll:

What kind of love do you need? Tarot: 5 of Pentacles, The Fool, The Hierophant, Ace of Cups, Awakening.

Self-Love. Singleness. Adventure. You are in desperate need of some self-love pile ll. You have been on a wild ride when it comes to allowing others into your life whether platonic or romantic and it's time for you to go into hermit mode for a while. The Tiktok audi "Be by yourself, get to know yourself" which is said in an island accent is coming to mind. You need to figure out who you are pile ll. I feel you have some sort of sense of who you are but you aren't sure if this is actually you or the you that has been crafted by social media, others and their idea of you, or your survival mode you where you crafted parts of yourself and chose the "safe" is to show others who don't like to see your full light because it dims there. There is also a need to let go of some people in your life. I didn't ask Spirit who because if this part resonates you should know. It's typically the first two names that popped in your head when you read the sentence but it's time to let go of people who are not good for you or add any kind of value to your life. Not only getting rid of people but getting rid of the old you. It's time for you to walk into a new light where you are glowing, thriving, and enjoying life how it is meant to be enjoyed instead of barely getting by day by day. You were meant to shine and not follow what everyone else is doing. You were meant to be authentic pile ll. Figure out who you are. Do things you never thought you would never enjoy and do them. Learn some new skills and hobbies. Take an Eat Pray Love trip even if it's just a trip to New York, Miami, Atlanta, Los Angeles, or even fucking Houston Texas if that is more your speed. Get out of your comfort zone. Shed your survival mode personality and shine. It's time for a new adventure. It's time to release this old story you keep playing over and over and start something fresh. What are you waiting for? Patreon Post Link

Pile lll:

What kind of love do you need? Tarot: 5 of Cups, Queen of Swords, 10 of Wands, Knight of Wands, 3 of Pentacles.

Friendship.Self-Care. There is this feeling that you pile lll are the type that likes to do everything themselves without bothering anyone. You may also like to say sorry a lot even when you didn't do anything as well as just not tell people how you are really feeling going through your struggles alone. Please stop. If you have people around you who truly care about your well-being please do let them know how you really are doing. There is nothing worse than having a friend going through things in silence and later on axe themselves off (speaking from experience). You do not have to suffer in silence pile lll. There are people in this world who would or do care about you and your well-being and want to take the load off of your shoulders. Stop being the strong independent cap that social media keeps trying to feed people with the whole grind and stay silent. Stay silent when it comes to goals until they happen, not your well-being. For others of you the kind of love you need is self-care other than taking better care of yourself this is more so having to do with your skills, abilities, and even your career. Some of you want to do more in your career whether it's at the job you are currently at, in the same field, or wanting to do something differently and this is the time to do so. Start learning and sharpening up your skills. Even sharpening up your mind whether it's reading more books maybe by Robert Greene on Mastery or Art of Seduction, learning languages, or whatever it is that you want to do to sharpen your mind ow is the time to do so. Patreon Post Link

Pile lV:

What kind of love do you need? Tarot: Ace of Swords, The Hermit, Awakening, Page of Cups, 3 of Cups

Singleness. Self Love. You may have been drawn to pile ll because they have received a similar reading to what your reading is about to hold on being by yourself, yours is just a little different. Pile ll reading was more so on finding themselves and getting to know themselves while your pile is more focused on loving yourself. Loving who you are and who you have become as a person because I feel a sense that it wasn't easy to become who you are today. You had to fight along the way to become the person you are because many people have probably tried to turn you hard, cold, assertive, or just overall mean and you had to fight to maintain a little bit of kindness, compassion, and some love you feel for others because you know that what others say and do to some people is not a reflection on you but them it's how you respond that is a reflection on you. This is a season of celebrating who you are and loving every inch of yourself. Whether you have body fat, a temper, watching weird shit, whatever it is that others try to put you down for and you somewhat have allowed to let those thoughts creep in this is your time to rebuke them and go forth in loving who you are and what you like. This is a time to go inward and really hone in the ability to not waver on what makes you you. Basically setting boundaries more so for yourself than for others while still remaining loving and kind to yourself. Your pile may also be a bit short like pile lll because it's quite straight to the point with no extra messages. The love you need is the love from yourself. Loving everything about you. Whether you hate your skin tone, voice, body, your interest, whatever it is embrace your flaws, embrace the many things people have been trying to put you down for, and let your beacon shine bright. You were meant to be who you are and nobody else. Don't let the ugliness of the world change who you are. Patreon Post Link

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay Safe and Be Blessed

[cyjammy]

Vox and Valentino: A Display of Trust

VALENTINO AND VOX

Not going to lie, I was the most excited for this dynamic and it just barely beats out Vox and Alastor’s rivalry. For four years they were both the big unknowns only seen for about 30 seconds in the pilot.

There were theories about their dynamic that I hoped to god wouldn’t be true in the show.

Because they didn’t make sense, they looked friendly with each other when they hunkered down for the extermination. And there was no way one sinner (Val) could create an empire alone.

AND I’M SO HAPPY THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.

Valentino being hot headed and brash was not on my 2024 bingo card, but I’m here for it.

(Yes, he’s a bad person. So is everyone else in the show. Alastor hangs out with cannibals and most likely participates. It’s a show about Hell.)

I LOVE HIM. I love everything about him down to the voice, the fluctuating emotions, the drama, the possessiveness — ALL. OF. IT.

I love me some fucking drama and I was LIVING for the back and forth between him and Vox.

Valentino is in charge because of the power he has.

He’s not a words guy, he uses action. He refuses to change his ways because that’s what got him to the top. He’s ready to hunt down Angel just for moving out.

Mind you he still goes to work and fulfills his side of the contract, Valentino just can’t handle not having control.

Micromanaging Angel’s life down to the smallest of details. Controlling who he can talk to, what he can wear.

He wants his plaything back in his sight, he doesn’t want him getting defiant. He wants his leash short so he doesn’t get any ideas.

And the way he gaslights the fuck out of Angel hit hard. Getting away from an abuser and then having the distance you finally need to heal, but being forced to be in contact with them is so restricting that it hurts.

Jesus that was fucking with me.

You don’t necessarily have to be smart to manipulate people, and Val knows that. Val plays the part of the fool so people underestimate him.

He feigns impulsiveness.

When asked for strategic advice he plays dumb.

That’s calculated, and it may just be written off as idiotic, but that’s probably what he wants.

He has to be playing dumb, there is no way he has survived this long by pure luck.

Vox makes do with him by his side because Val can gain trust and place sinners under his spell.

That makes him a valuable asset. Vox supplies the equipment and Valentino supplies the merchandise.

Because that’s all he considers those who are under his employ.

They’re things to be sold to an audience.

But Vox might not see the subtle ways Val messes with him.

Val’s a bratty, unsympathetic, monster that will do anything to get his way. With the guidance of someone with a more grounded personality removed from his issues is when he is able to see reason.

And Velvet can’t even do that, only Vox.

That shows respect and trust.

Even when Vox was spelling it out for him slowly it wasn’t a slight against him, it was a reminder and it held no malice.

If it did, Vox would have lost his temper as he did with Alastor. He kept himself measured for Val and reigned himself back in.

He may know that it won’t get him anywhere after dealing with him for so long. If Vox didn’t see Valentino as a worthwhile investment, he wouldn’t even go through the effort.

Vox knows the best way to get Valentino to listen.

Valentino is extremely self centered. Vox speaks in a way that makes Val want to care, while still making sure it benefits him as well.

“OUR brand”

“Any idea what YOU would look like chasing random whores around town”

“OUR image”

Their partnership is of the upmost importance. Vox needs to make sure the empire remains, that the Vs have their power. That they’re on top.

And that’s a goal Valentino can get behind.

Valentino backs off with disappointment, because he enjoys violence. And he wanted there to be a show.

So instead he throws out something that could really get under Vox’s skin.

Alastor.

Val could have used this information to cripple Vox, make him vulnerable during a time where he needed to stay focused.

But instead, he uses it now.

Val was bored, he knew how Vox would react, and he wanted a show.

And a show he received. Pressing all the right buttons to see his partner go mad.

I want to see more of Valentino. So far his actions could be read as surface level — dumb and erratic — or strategic.

As of now, I’m assuming he knows what he’s doing.

Anger clouds your judgement and both Vox and Val were subject to that effect within a few minutes. That doesn’t necessarily mean Val is a fool and that Vox calls ALL of the shots.

Val acts idiotic around his colleagues because he knows they won’t take advantage of him. Until I see how he is around Angel Dust outside of those voicemails or around his other employees is when that can be settled.

I’m hoping this is a strategic play, because that would be an amazing use of misdirection. All the signs are there, and it could be so.

I also love how Vox is never fearful of Val and vice versa. They both would take steps toward each other that would be misconstrued as advancing toward violence.

Neither flinch. They look a bit surprised, sure, but never scared.

The respect is there and I love the relationship Val and Vox have.

[sugar-grigri]

Like Prometheus, the heart will be bruised

When Fujimoto makes a revelation, it's important to remember that this revelation never comes out of nowhere; there are always clues to it in the previous chapters. These clues don't serve to make you want to know what happens next (which is difficult with CSM), they serve above all to make your experience as a reader more gratifying, especially on rereading.

Well then, let's get started! In chapter 146 Fujimoto introduces an exceptional new demon, the Fire Devil.

What I find particularly interesting is the extent to which his power and this chapter are based on the same way a fire works

Barem's statement to his contractors alone makes sense, because to take the form you desire is to escape your condition in the same way that humans in prehistoric times began to use fire, moving away from their ape-like status.

In the same way, the fact that the fire demon gains in power as the number of its followers increases makes perfect sense. It works like a kind of fire that goes up in flames.

Now let's take a step back. It was while I was rereading the last few chapters that I realised a number of things...

Let's start with the fact that the fire demon was right under our noses, as shown by the presence of fire every time Fujimoto placed this false demon of justice, whether with the class president literally pulverised by Yoru or Yuko burning her neighbour's body.

But above all it's clear how the fire demon fulfilled the expectations of these two contractors

The President wanted to be seen by Mr Tanaka, hence the plurality of heads.

As for Yuko, she was an intrusive person (although I like this character) who wanted to know Asa's secrets, their exchange of secrets being for her the proof that they had become best friends.

Yuko seemed like an isolated person who was desperate to get into people's heads, hence her mind-reading powers.

This also works with the old man from the church who also contracted the false demon of justice, his thesis was that he could fight demons by becoming a demon... which he did.

The other point I want to make is that Fami's plan is bound to have flaws, not only because it would be more interesting from a narrative point of view, but also because we sense that she's trying to find the right tactics.

Her first tactic was to starve Yoru to get complete control of the war demon, but that didn't work.

Every time she tried to starve Yoru, Chainsaw Man or Denji were around, which gave Fami the idea of a possible partnership between the two, rather than fighting each other.

Hence the fact that she explains to Yoru that cooperating with Chainsaw Man wouldn't prevent him (or at least the black Chainsaw Man) from being killed, as this cooperation is more than necessary.

I'm also intrigued by this line because, in the light of the last revelation, it only implies even more that Chainsaw Man must become this super-powerful champion.

The church is really trying to help him, in other words the church is really trying to restore his power and even increase it.

But what I find even more incredible is the fact that Asa and Denji are in the same position

They're both at the heart of Fami's plan, but they're also both host to one of those demons that can kill the Death Demon.

But their situations were different; Asa fell into the trap by tying up with the church, while the passivity that could be taken from Denji was in reality a form of resistance.

This is particularly striking in several chapters

Denji had not succumbed to the temptation of becoming a divine being with the church, whereas Miri Sugo could despise him for only wanting to remain a chair, to act like a chair - this act of depreciation goes completely against the veneration of the church.

The fact that Denji belittles Chainsaw Man by acting in a humiliating way is in itself an act of protest against the fact that he is becoming a hero incarnate in whom the church will project itself.

I'm well aware that Denji wasn't aware of all this, but it's precisely his personality and deep-seated nature that allow him to go against this plan.

The fact that Denji wants people to find out he's Chainsaw Man defeats the whole purpose, because giving this mechanical monster an identity, a human head, makes it impossible to identify with him.

Yes, the impostor is pretending to be Chainsaw Man, but this generic character with his abstract and broad speech means that everyone can admire him and continue to project themselves as Chainsaw Man.

What Fujimoto has done from the start is underline Denji's flaws, his deep humanity and his own self-deprecation, he's too strong a character and so far removed from the imaginary Chainsaw Man that it would make any admiration and identification collapse.

Above all, Denji and Asa are cannon fodder for their own demons, Pochita is subject to Denji's dreams and wills, which are always in pursuit of integration among humans and literal contact, and when the heart isn't split in two, the brain is, Asa with her moral dilemmas, her intellectual capacities that escape the law of retaliation how advocated by the war demon

That's why the rest of the plan is as follows: Fami knew that the public hunters would fight back, so she deliberately let them.

The public demons immediately set about neutralising Chainsaw Man, so she wanted to kill two birds with one stone, Asa, i.e. bring back as many followers as possible with a new figure. But above all to draw the attention of the public hunters to Asa. Wouldn't Fami take advantage of the fact that Asa could be massacred by Yoshida to force Yoru to change host...... to Yoshida?

Just like the fact that Barem is quite close to Denji.

Remember when Fumiko said she was a fan of Denji, Barem intervened and said he preferred Chainsaw Man?

Time to separate

Barem propagated the fact of becoming Chainsaw Man like a fire that would spread, this time the punishment was not for Zeus to make humans mortal but rather immortal and monstrous demons.

But the fact remains that the rule will continue to apply and, like Prometheus, a heart will be sacrificed and bitten by the birds

A heart bitten by a bird

[bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue]

Beboptober Day 13: Honesty Hour

Thanks to @thestarlightsymphony for the prompt list! Like my last fic, this was inspired by a previous Beboptober fic—specifically @aldreantreuperi‘s fic for last year’s Beboptober prompt Never Have I Ever. I don’t think it’s on their Tumblr, but you can read it on AO3 here! Unlike my last fic, I imagine this one taking place pretty early on in the series and the Spike-Jet-Faye partnership—and definitely before Session 15, “My Funny Valentine.” TW for alcohol, I guess?

No one was quite sure how many drinks they’d had, or exactly how much the worse for wear they were, as the three of them lazed, scruffy and half-dressed, in the dim light of the Bebop’s main living room late into the night. No one was quite sure who’d first proposed the idea of an “honesty hour”—each person would receive exactly one question from another and would have to answer it honestly. But once the idea was out in the air, it hung there for a while, not going away.

There’d been opposition at first.

“Honesty hour?” Spike had grunted. “What are we, second-graders? Playing Truth or Dare?”

“Like we’d ever let you play that,” said Jet, next to Spike on the couch, glaring at him. “You’d just choose ‘dare’ every time and get yourself killed.”

Faye, from the chair across from them, looked sidelong at Spike with curiosity and asked, “Did you ever even go to second grade?”

Spike sarcastically tapped his watch. “Does it look like it’s Honesty Hour?”

The opposition probably stemmed from the fact that, although no one was quite sure what the original person who’d suggested Honesty Hour was trying to get at, it was almost definitely less of an innocent trust-building exercise than a way to catch their crewmates off-guard and get them to reveal something incriminating and embarrassing. After all, they weren’t second-graders. Or at one of those cheesy corporate team-building retreats. (Not that any of them had ever been on one. But it sounded like hell.)

Things got more interesting when someone—Faye, perhaps, with a mischievous smile on her lips, probably plotting exactly how she’d be able to bend the rules and come out on top—declared an official Honesty Hour penalty for lying or not answering: a thorough cleaning of the asker’s ship. Before anyone really understood what was happening, the punishment had escalated to a ship-cleaning, doing the asker’s laundry for three weeks, and ten thousand Woolongs.

No one quite remembered the next morning how they’d decided they could even tell when someone was answering untruthfully. They were all a little drunk, and a little stupid, and in that perfect in-between zone between vulnerable and vindictive.

“Okay,” Jet said, looking around at his two comrades. “Okay. Honesty Hour.”

"Honesty Hour,” Spike repeated. “One question for each of us, one question from each of us. Who’s starting this?”

“I guess I am,” said Faye. She turned to Spike, cigarette dangling from her fingers. “Question one. Same as before. Did you ever go to second grade?”

He glanced at her. “You’re really wasting it on that?”

“I’m just curious,” she said innocently. And she was. There was a lot you could learn about a person from their childhood. A lot you could use against them.

And, Faye had to admit, she had trouble imagining Spike as a little kid; she wanted to know what he’d experienced, what he’d been like. Petulant, probably. A smartass, a pain in the ass, hard to put up with. She wondered idly if he’d had the same floofy hair.

“Well then, to answer your question…nope.” Spike closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

“Really?” Faye raised her eyebrows. She’d somehow figured Spike hadn’t had a normal, privileged upbringing, but it was interesting to hear it coming from his mouth.“Then what was tiny little seven-year-old Spike doing, if not sitting in a classroom learning his ABCs?”

“I think you’re past the ABCs by second grade,” said Jet.

“Okay, fine,” Faye said. “DEFs. Whatever.”

“Pretty sure I’ve fulfilled my Honesty Hour quota,” said Spike, glaring at her as he kicked an empty bottle away from him. It clattered as it hit the wall.

“Aw, come on,” said Faye, putting on her most beguiling smile. Not that it would ever work on Spike, but a girl could dream. “I wanna know.”

“You asked me a question,” he said. “I answered it. Those are the rules. Now it’s my turn.”

“It’s Honesty Hour,” she protested. “Not Honesty Five Seconds.”

(It wasn’t bound to last long anyway with each person being asked only one question, but no one said the rules had to make sense. Nothing really made sense to them in their inebriated states, and they quite liked it that way.)

“C’mon,” Faye continued, knowingly ingratiating. “Were you just so damn smart they skipped you all the way up from first grade to third?”

“Just imagine what a kid with no money, no family, and a hungry belly to feed does on the streets of Mars.” Spike glared viciously at both of the others in turn, the intensity of his state exaggerated by the number of drinks he’d had. “When he’s not in a cushy classroom learning his ABCs.”

“There weren’t any truant officers?” asked Jet.

“None who gave a shit.” He grabbed a slightly-less-empty bottle and took a swig. “From what I hear, I wasn’t missing much. Apparently the Martian public school system is crap.”

The three sat in silence for a while, Spike’s words hanging in the air between them.

“So…” Faye wrinkled her nose at him. “You don’t know how to read?”

“Of course I know how to read,” Spike spat. “Jesus Christ.”

“Well, how did you learn…” She gestured vaguely. “Stuff?”

His face softened just the tiniest bit. Memories of Mao, of his very earliest days as a young recruit in the Red Dragon Syndicate, returned to him in the briefest flash. “I learned everything I needed to know from other places.” He closed his eyes. “Eventually.”

Faye simply nodded, filing this information away for future use.

It was silent for a moment, the only noise the ambient humming of the engines, until Faye spoke. “So. Your hair.” She pointed vaguely to it. “Was it still floofy back then, or—”

“Enough.” Spike slammed down his bottle on the table. “I answered your question. Now it’s my turn.” He turned to Jet, his gaze steady, defiant. “How’d you lose your arm, Jet?”

If he could reveal something about his past, Jet could very well reveal something about his, couldn’t he?

Then again, Spike had asked his partner this question several times before, and he was usually brushed off with a “That’s a story for another time” or “Why do you want to know?” or, with a pointed look back at Spike, “When I was being too gung-ho and reckless.” He wasn’t really expecting a different answer tonight.

Jet sat in silence for several minutes, and Spike wondered if he was being thoughtful and brooding or if the drink had caused him to somehow fall asleep with his eyes still open. (Was that something they taught you in the ISSP?) He was just about to get Jet to pay up the ten thousand Woolongs—and could practically see the lovely gleam of his newly cleaned Swordfish II—when Jet spoke.

“It’s the price I paid for being naïve,” he said. “Trusting what I shouldn’t have.”

Spike was startled at the unexpected answer; across from him, he could see Faye raising her eyebrows too. But as soon as he opened his mouth to ask something more, Jet held up his hand. “I’ve played my part here. No more questions.”

He wasn’t going to get any more out of Jet, he knew. The man was a stubborn bastard—it was a miracle he’d gotten this much out of him. Instead, he grabbed the bottle in front of him on the table and took a swig, then said, “Okay. Who hasn’t gone?”

“I—I believe I have a question for Faye,” Jet said, his speech slightly unsteady and slurred but still as decisive as ever. He looked Faye, as best he could, straight in the eye. “How old are you? Really?”

“Twenty-three,” she answered.

“Really?”

Faye twisted a lock of hair around her finger, innocent as could be. “Says so on my mugshot, doesn’t it?”

She was obeying the letter of Honesty Hour, if not the spirit, which was honestly better than she’d hoped for herself. She really was twenty-three. Technically. Biologically. Jet didn’t have to know she wasn’t actually born twenty-three years ago, or that her birth certificate no longer existed. His carelessness faintly surprised her; for a police officer, he really needed to learn to be more careful with his questions.

“But all that stuff you’ve said…” Jet sputtered, grasping the air for fragments he couldn’t quite reach; he was sure he could make an excellent, sensible argument here if only he remembered what it was. “Y’know, about…women being older than they look and…”

“How old do you think I look?” asked Faye calmly.

Jet slumped down, defeated. “That sounds like a trick question.”

“Exactly.” She sat back in her seat, satisfied. “And now I hope you’ve learned your lesson about asking things like this.”

“I think we’ve learned our lesson about doing stupid shit like this,” said Spike, drinking deeply from the last dregs of his bottle.

As the three of them, by some unspoken mutual agreement, slowly rose from their seats and made their way to their respective quarters—not bothering to clean up; that was a job for their future, hungover selves to curse them out over—Faye felt oddly triumphant. No one was quite sure who’d begun this strange little game of Honesty Hour, least of all her—but she was pretty sure she’d won it. She’d already gathered a lot of interesting bits and crumbs of information about Spike and Jet to use in the future. As long as she didn’t wake up tomorrow morning with a pounding headache and all memories of the night forgotten.

Actually, she thought as she watched Spike and Jet stumble off to bed, with the mussed hair and rumpled underclothes and baggy eyes that she was sure she was sporting too—maybe that would be better for all of them.

[julianottheastrologer]

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ Synastry – My Moon in my partner’s house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

⤷ Reuploaders, please read this!!!

Everything I post here is part of my work that I take seriously, I study astrology, fortune-telling and marketing daily and everything is done with great care and effort. I already have Instagram and TikTok, but I don't see a problem with you doing the reploud.

BUT PLEASE GIVE CREDITS IN THE WAY I WILL SAY IT NOW.

TIKTOK - tag @juliafranciscco

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By doing this, you collaborate a lot with my work and help me to continue doing it with more willingness, as it is difficult for me to have spent my time and money and not receive even credits.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 1st house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You instantly feel safe with your partner. You relax your guard around your partner, feel comfortable opening up your life and sharing your personal side with him/her, and have an instinctual sensation that you "connect" with him/her and that he/she will be there for you. You have a tendency to believe that your partner feels the same way. Your partner is moved by you and the emotional openness you bring to the relationship, affecting a kind and sensitive side of your partner. You bring out a sensitive side in your companion that you may not have known existed, as well as his or her most caring and gentle side.

As long as you are emotionally sensitive, this is a gentle and caring partnership. If you wish to be in a long-term relationship, this aspect indicates a favorable sensitivity to events, particularly marriage. You will most likely form a sensitive bond. That is, a relationship in which both of you enjoy being in each other's presence.

You immediately sense the need to visibly appear in your partner's presence, and you will experience a familiar form of behavioral cooperation with your partner, instinctively identifying those aspects of your everyday approach to life that mirror your own temperamental tendencies. Your companion may be able to plant a seed of an idea in your head at times.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 2nd house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

Rather than romance, you cherish your relationship as a source of emotional fulfillment. Besides, you two may appear to be identical, but you are not. Emotional fulfillment is not about meeting only your own wants, whereas romance is understanding what the other person needs without needing to offer something back is necessary. Naturally, if your partner feels this way about you, they may be insecure about you. As a result, she/he may exhibit possessive behavior. If your partner is not inherently earthy and/or possessive, this will not be an issue; however, if he/she is already possessive, the touch he/she has with you may aggravate this trait, preventing the love from blossoming.

You both have a physical value to each other. You recognize common values, often related to what you learned in childhood and upbringing. Just as you share the same opinions on how to raise a child. You value yourself, but true love is not defined by material love. True love is conscious of both its own strengths and shortcomings. Your personal characteristics will determine whether or not you are comfortable in this partnership. If you or your partner appreciates a "butterflies in the stomach" style of romance, this connection can be really boring to you. This partnership, on the other hand, is a good fit if you want a pragmatic, earth-minded person.

You may recognize your partner as a naturally stabilizing influence who is eager to assist you in making the most of your resources. You may have an instinct to give him/her sound advice on where to spend his/her savings and how to maximize his/her profits while conserving resources.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 3rd house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You enjoy how your partner enters your life and how he or she goes about things, and you find it appealing that you are a helpful person who encourages their priorities. He/she know this and likes that attitude and finds themselves thinking about you frequently. This relationship is smooth, peaceful, and productive; together, you can accomplish a lot at work and have flexibility in everyday life. You don't irritate your partner; on the contrary, you communicate well with him/her.

You can be captivated by your partner's brain works and how he or she approaches your mental challenges. His/her principles can provoke your mental reactions, either positively or negatively. If there is any emotional discord in your relationship, it will inhibit an accurate comprehension of the principles each of you wants to communicate. A mental association of the same proportion can be developed when promoting helpful emotions.

You can play a role in sowing the seeds of a new idea in your partner's mind, and you can assist in contacting sources of useful information that augment and complement your own ideas. However, you may have a tendency to put these things on a false trail of thought, or you may completely lack sympathy for their ideas.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 4th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You might have mixed feelings about your partner. On the one hand, you have a strong bond with him/her. The bond you feel is not of the fairy tale variety, but rather an ancestral bond, such as that shared by siblings and close family members. If you believe in reincarnation, this relationship indicates that you were very close to your partner in a previous life.

On the other hand, you, like siblings, feel competitive with your partner. You can also feel like a "parent" to him or her. You feel the need to assert your authority in the relationship. You both have a strong sense that your roots run deep. In a love relationship, this is not an easy position to be in. When you interact with your partner, you may arouse something so deep within him/her that he/she may require some time away to relax.

This relationship has a depth and intensity that is uncomfortable for both of you. The high level of tension and energy between you makes it difficult to be with your partner for an extended period of time. If you create a relationship that accepts your most primal needs with acceptance, understanding, and respect, the relationship becomes like brothers who like each other, if accepting it other shadow is hard… so the relationship will absolutely be too.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 5th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

Your partner instills in you a strong sense of pleasure. You have the impression that she/ he is an indescribably adorable work of art or a musical melody in motion. "This one is perfect! why aren't the rest like this?" you think of your partner. It's not that your partner is perfect, but when you're with them, your senses are filled with pleasure.

You completely let down your emotional guard and seek out ways to be with your partner simply because their presence cheers you up and surrounds you with a sense of beauty and sweetness, creating an emotional connection and especially looking to your partner for fun and pleasurable activities. He/she becomes a person who is flattered by your appreciation and gains a sense of pride from your attention. They respond with warmth and love, and they enjoy both the emotional and lighter aspects of the relationship.

You two have a good time together. Your dates are outings are enjoyable. Love has a lot of room to grow and thrive here. You will be drawn to how your partner uses their talents, how they project themself through attitudes toward the entire range of creative and pleasurable activities.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 6th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You have conflicting feelings about your partner. On the one hand, you feel obligated to him/her. Your partner, on the other hand, believes you place a burden or responsibility on him/her. And they may sense your sense of obligation, and you may unconsciously assume that your partner is yours to do favors and services for you. This can also go the other way, where you become a servant. One of you is constantly trying to assist and support the other. You may be wondering why you are carrying such a heavy load.

If you are not overly self-absorbed and have integrity and character, this relationship can be productive and beneficial, and you are working together. You believe in each other's abilities and don't need to double-check or redo work because of "incompetence."

If either of you is unethical or overly demanding, this relationship could turn you into a martyr. Your partner is aware of all of your sacrifices but is powerless to intervene. You will be drawn to the sacrifice illogically and then resent your partner.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 7th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You feel safe in the presence of your partner. You have the impression that your partner will not make judgement on you and will accept you as a father would his children. It's only natural for them to be together. You might want to spend all of your time with him/her. There is some tension (as in any relationship), but it is mostly smooth, comfortable, and complementary. You two are willing to accept each other. Your partner likes you as a person and finds you pleasant and harmonious. Your partner frequently wants to be there for you emotionally.

It's not thrilling or exciting. Instead, staying in that relationship provides a sense of security, making it extremely difficult to break (for better or worse). It is one of the most powerful influences on marriage. You may have an intuitive understanding of how to complement and balance the most important aspects of your partner's personality. You can help to broaden your partner's circle of friends by putting them in touch with a variety of helpful people and generally spreading your partner's reputation.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 8th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

Your partner messes with your psyche and stirs up the demons most of us keep hidden in our subconscious. You may consciously desire things that are normally unacceptable in society in this relationship, but you are unable to control the dark urges that your partner awakens in you. A compulsive desire for sex, extreme possessiveness, lust for power, and greed are all possible.

If the individual traits have a fair amount of restraint, you may be able to contain your demons and enjoy a deep, emotional connection in which you have affection as well as an understanding of the taboos that surround it and make for a healthy relationship. A relationship in which the desire for the other person never dies.

If one of the partners has an aversion to having a deep connection, after the demons are revealed, both appear less attractive to each other. You could end a relationship only to have it resurrected years later.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 9th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You idealize your partner and have all kinds of noble perceptions about him/her, and being able to see him/her as a heroic, brilliant, inspired person, etc. You put it on a pedestal, and in some cases, you might feel like your partner is so big that they end up out of your life. You really admire your partner, and he/she is inspired by that to be an even better person. In fact, you bring out the best in him/her, who feels it, and can become emotionally attached to you. They may feel like they can't do anything great without you, or they may become dependent on their admiration for you as a source of inspiration.

There's more to this than just love. You have some things in common. The admiration is strong because you share similar views on politics, religion, and socially acceptable behavior in relation to the same causes. People are drawn to others who think and act similarly to them. While this isn't very romantic, it does have a positive impact on any relationship.

As previously stated, you may believe your partner is too far away from you. This can manifest physically as well, as it can be a long-distance relationship. In any case, there is a lot of love, admiration, and respect in this relationship.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 10th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You are uneasy with your partner, despite the fact that you are together for practical reasons. He or she may be a "big deal," but the lack of emotional closeness in this relationship makes you feel emotionally ill. You may believe that your partner is extremely selfish. This is a good situation for a business relationship, but it's not ideal for romance. Individual characteristics, however, must be considered. If the two of you are primarily concerned with worldly success or achievement, you may benefit from collaborating with them.

You two might want each other as a "trophy." This is a relationship of the "love trophy" variety. This relationship simply adds a practical reason for the two of them to be together. You will instinctively understand what your partner wants out of life, you will share your goals, and you will both want to succeed. Because of your obvious confidence in your abilities, your partner may be inspired to go the extra mile, which could mean the difference between success and failure. You will understand how to nurture your ambitions and will be able to make suggestions to help bring out some of your latent talents.

Your suggestions may also open up career opportunities for your partner, and you may feel obligated to adopt a somewhat parental attitude toward them, gently pushing them toward a specific goal and being especially concerned about protecting your reputation from attack.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 11th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You consider your partner to be a "dream partner." And you believe he/she is the answer to all of your hopes and dreams. You instinctively feel at ease in the presence of your partner. They sense it, and as a result, they are at ease in your presence. You both feel comfortable being yourself in this relationship. And you're not concerned with keeping up appearances. Neither of you appears to be concerned with what the other will think. Even if you disagree on some issues, you feel accepted by each other.

This relationship demonstrates that neither can be truly annoyed or upset with the other. You and your partner seem to have known each other your entire lives. In extreme cases, this relationship can be described as a "sand castle." Consider yourselves fortunate to have broken through the castle gates. For many, this relationship is an unrealistic fantasy that makes you smile when you think of your partner.

You may feel a natural attraction to your partner. And they will be able to appreciate the ideals that they hold dear, as well as show a friendly concern for their overall well-being. You might first meet by being connected with a group formed to pursue some common ideal. This is frequently indicative of a genuine friendship bond.

⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ My Moon in my partner’s 12th house ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ 𓂅

You have the impression that you are unable to learn anything about your partner's personal life. And you have the impression that you are concealing something, even if you are not. Your partner will sense this, and no one likes to be accused of concealing something. He or she may then respond, suspecting you as the suspicious person in the first place. As you can see, this is a tense relationship rather than a peaceful one.

There is no logical reason for a lack of trust, but your inner feelings keep you and your partner suspicious of each other. Instead of love, this relationship has the potential to breed paranoia. Even if you have an initial attraction for each other, this relationship can make you feel insecure in their presence. Accusations and a lack of trust can harm both of you. The hurt feelings are very deep, and this relationship may not be able to survive them.

This type of relationship could be maintained by very selfless people, those with the emotional toughness of a monk. The vast majority of normal people are concerned with their own feelings and cannot tolerate this type of relationship. You may be able to recognize your partner's problems and detect weaknesses instinctively. You are likely to be especially charitable to them, and you will be eager to protect your partner if you believe they are in a situation where one of their vulnerable points is likely to be attacked.

🎺 Thank your for your company, if you like it don't forget to like and reblog and of course, if you feel confortable leave you feedback.

Kisses,

Ju Francisco 💋

[star-anise]

I'm up around 3am, thinking about incels and tradwives. (Note: If these are movements you're a fan of, or if you just want to fight with me generally, I will block you if you annoy me, and even if you behave there's a $20 fee if you expect me to actually reply to you in any way.)

This got started because of Khadija Mbowe's and F.D Signifier's videos about Black patriarchy, which has led me to pick up bell hooks' 2004 book The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love.

The thing that hooks says that really knocked my socks off in a "how dare you notice that" way is that a lot of people, men and women alike, are angry not just because of the male violence they've experienced, but because of the lack of male love they've experienced.

Which like, part of being human means that being seen and cared about is pretty viscerally equated with survival in our brains. We want it, we need it, we suffer when it isn't there. To be seen and genuinely loved by the people in our lives matters, so we are always affected when there's someone important to us who doesn't seem to see us, to love us, to care about our wellbeing, or to be proud of our accomplishments. It matters to be disregarded, rejected, or shamed by someone we want to love us.

But no power in the world can compel another person to give a shit about you—a truth most of us spend our lives frantically suppressing because being unloved is terrifying, so we work at being better, more attractive, smarter, more accomplished, more charming, sexier, or to be brutally honest, more lovable. But when we do experience a lack of love, a lot of us take that anger and decide to opt for second best. If we can't be loved, we can at least be powerful. Power can take a lot of forms, but because the lack of male love often goes hand-in-hand with violence, people who face it generally want, at the very least, to not be hurt anymore.

But there's another element in play. Patriarchal gender roles divide behaviours and skills in a very particular way: Boys and men are expected to use power to dominate, and girls and women are supposed to use emotions to tend and nurture. Anyone who fails to perform those roles gets harshly punished. Terrence Real talks about how this leaves men with very limited knowledge of their own emotional needs or how to communicate them to other people, and Paul Kivel talks about how boys are taught that this is women's work—that if they are masculine enough, they will attract a woman who will make sure that they feel loved and cared about. How a great deal of men's anger towards women is the feeling that women are witholding this essential service, or failing to fully handle men's emotions (which is pretty damn common, since humans aren't telepaths so it's basically impossible to reach inside someone's head and change their emotions for them).

So hooks notes that women are just as likely to uphold patriarchal gender roles as men, and one element of that is women's anger when men are emotionally vulnerable. Men who confess to their partners that they feel lost and ashamed and unworthy of love are doing exactly what women keep saying we want men to do, but the reaction many women have is a kind of incredulous frustration—"You want me to handle all this? Fuck no, I'm busy!"

Part of that reaction is that in patriarchal gender roles, it is a woman's literal job to completely soothe and manage her male partner's emotions—to diligently praise him, make him feel more accomplished, and to reassure him of her ongoing love and admiration in all things. And that is a lot of work that is quite likely not to succeed because it's really hard to talk someone out of a self-hating funk. (There's also an element of just plain sexism. Even without the implied demand for help, some women just think men's vulnerability is pathetic or laughable.)

The feminist response to this that hooks, Real, and Kivel advocate for is to spread the load a little more evenly; to work to reduce the violence with which gender roles are policed, to allow men to be soft and emotional, but in the process, give them the emotional skills to handle the shame and dread we all feel sometimes about not being lovable or or worthy, and empower them to form many different emotionally fulfilling relationships.

So the thing about incels is, they tend to be obsessed with finding a woman who will make them feel worthy, sexy, accomplished, admirable, and dominant, like a "real man". The prospect of getting a woman is the single potential oasis of love and support in an incredibly bleak desert landscape in which a romantic partnership is the only possible source men are permitted to seek love and care from. A man who hasn't gotten a girl is a pathetic loser whose life is meaningless.

What that entire worldview takes for granted is how the desert became a desert in the first place. How boys learn to fear the violence and rejection that comes from stepping out of their gender role by being emotionally vulnerable or by emotionally nurturing somebody else; how emotional knowledge and expression are punished by a system that says men should always seek to dominate. The desire for a female partner rests on a bedrock of learned fear and contempt for the idea that men can or even should have the kind of emotionally close and supportive friendships among themselves that women tend to have with each other.

Incels are the fucking allegory of the long spoons in action. They gather in huge numbers to discuss their pain, frustration, and disappointment about their difficulty attaining a relationship that provides emotional fulfillment, but it's impossible for them to try to seek or offer that kind of relationship with the many many people right there also looking for love, because violating the gender rules means inviting violence and ostracism. Affection and mutual esteem between men is super gay and doesn't count, especially when it's provided because of a mutual vulnerability instead of admiration for achievement. So it's incredibly hard for incels to in any way break out of the mental cage that says the way to be loved is to be as masculine, as stoic and unemotional and successful and admirable and dominant as possible. And because being dominant tends to require people to be better than, incels spend a lot of time criticizing each other for failing to be masculine enough, and therefore not worthy of love.

Meanwhile... tradwives.

If you're into men, the dream of being truly loved by a man who will take care of you and make your life materially better is fucking amazing stuff. That's just... that's just The Dream, okay? The romance industry's extreme popularity decade after decade will tell you what bell hooks also notes: Women who are into men want to be loved by men SO MUCH.

So it really seems to me that the basic appeal of being a tradwife is managing to be submissive enough to get the men they love to genuinely show up and fully commit to loving them. If conflict in relationships happen because men feel threatened in their masculinity or not fully loved by their wives, then gosh darnit, these women will plaster themselves over the cracks to make sure there are absolutely no problems. That will earn them a relationship where they are truly loved and appreciated.

(It's a trap. I hate to say it, but we're not a telepathic species, and you will never manage to be good enough to actually change what someone else feels. No matter how hard you submit, your husband will still feel moments of doubt and fear and inadequacy, because he's human and we're built like that. It's the cross we have to bear as a species. And it does not go well at all if both of you are used, in those moments, for blaming you for whatever you "did" to "make" him feel that way.)

[angelsndragons]

fjord’s feelings for caduceus changed in episodes 98-99

by which i mean, fjord finally realized how special and important he is to caduceus, which in turn set the tone of their relationship for the rest of the campaign. buckle up, this is a long one.

not when fjord threw away his sword and went to caduceus instead of jester. or when caduceus presented him with the star razor. or after the citadel fight when caduceus gave him his holy symbol. i think things changed for fjord in episode 98-99, when caduceus saved his life and removed the orb.

this is going to require some context.

because here’s the thing: fjord’s always looking for the price, waiting for the catch or other shoe to drop. people caring for him because of him with no strings attached is unprecedented. vandren and the world taught fjord that love is conditional, that only if you hide what others would find ugly and make yourself useful to them will they deign to give you a scrap of affection. i don’t think vandren did this maliciously, mind you, it was just part of his worldview and fjord’s life up to and beyond that point supported it. we can see that right up to the end of the show, where fjord is terrified that vandren didn’t remember him or that he didn’t mean nearly as much to the man as vandren did to him.

so we have fjord, who learned to don masks and hide his truest self, including his best and worst aspects. while fjord made the nein into a coherent group, into a force, a crew, a family, even, he still waited for that other shoe to drop. waited for the day that they would reject him because he was no longer useful or because he pushed them too far. you can see this waiting all over the early campaign; he’s not looking for an excuse like caleb to cut and run but he anticipates nearly all the moments that almost fractured the nein, in spite of that low wisdom score. while jester carried the guilt of not being able to save molly, fjord carried the guilt of not protecting the group in that crucial moment. travis confirmed on talks that fjord’s biggest fear when he lost his powers the first time was that he would no longer be useful and be kicked out of the group. 

that’s why fjord damn near broke down at the end of 72. the nein, no questions asked, with their standard level of snark, accepted that he was going to be a liability and kept him around anyway. armed him anyway. declared that he was no liability and that they would help him along until he could help himself and them again. this unconditional acceptance caught fjord completely off guard. it always does, really. because caduceus had said for months, an out of game half a year, that he was looking to reforge the sword as a gift for fjord. he said this to fjord’s face. he did not change course when he learned that the sword was a legendary blade forged by acolytes of the wildmother and moonweaver. the blade was still meant for fjord, even if fjord was still chained to uk’otoa. fjord extends his love and protection to the nein but is still not convinced the reverse is true. he was starting to believe it but he wasn’t quite there yet.

caduceus has a high enough wisdom to understand that’s fjord’s hang up even if he doesn’t quite understand the reasoning behind it. that’s why he pulls fjord aside in ep 75 and tells him that he doesn’t have to choose the wildmother, that there are other gods and other ideas out there looking for a champion. fjord, who at this point considers wildmom his only option (travis says she’s the only one who’s shown the slightest interest in fjord and that’s why he’s gunning for her), is befuddled by caduceus and this whole talk, so much so the pair end up talking past each other for the next several episodes.

after fjord officially becomes a paladin, things between him and caduceus become fairly...unsettled compared to their previous interactions. they talk past each other more, they aren’t in sync enough to double team those social interactions they were just starting to get good at. things are just weird for a while. to me, that’s fjord waiting for the catch, waiting for caduceus to call in some favor or something like it. and he keeps getting confused when caduceus doesn’t. so he tries once or twice to follow in caduceus’ footsteps and do as he would instead. and it just makes things weirder. these two don’t have a moment together that doesn’t leave one of them confused or unsatisfied until ep 87, when caduceus gives fjord the holy symbol and inadvertently kicks off the next phase of their relationship. because here, caduceus tries to put them back on equal footing and fjord recognizes it. caduceus rejects framing their relationship as mentor/student and tells fjord he doesn’t need caduceus to give him answers. fjord is “well on his way.”

by defining what they aren’t, mentor/student, our two boys inadvertently ask the question, “so what are we?” honestly, it’s a question that the entire group grapples with in the 90s as they reintegrate yasha, as veth struggles with the question of changing back and whether she can stay with the nein, as beau tries to sacrifice herself for veth, as jester learns some uncomfortable truths about the traveler, as caduceus finds his family again. fjord and caduceus can easily define what they aren’t - not mentor/student, not brothers or cousins- but what they actually are stumps both of them.

their relationship doesn't look like any of their relationships with the others: beau is fjord's bro and first mate, caleb is fjord's complicated mirror and admiree, jester his crush and first person he learned to be vulnerable with, veth his antagonistic sibling. on caduceus' side, caleb is the one he looks to for a fellow project nerd and clear, unvarnished goals, beau and jester are the sisters caduceus misses, yasha the quiet beloved barbarian he understands better than the rest, and veth a mess he wants to help but can't. but fjord and caduceus' relationship is highly undefined at this point. notably undefined, beyond their newly shared connection to melora. at the dinner with essek, we get the stone bomb. and travis and fjord panic. like no, seriously, they spend the next four episodes low key panicking over this revelation. this ties back to fjord waiting for those other shoes to drop but it’s also more than that.

when it comes to destiny, fjord has always been the answer, the self made man, to both caduceus and caleb’s questions about destiny. he makes choices about who he is, who he wants to be, and takes actions towards those goals. he is one of those rare people who can wear many different masks, take on many different roles, while still maintaining his sense of self and becoming a fuller version of who he is. when I say fjord is the answer to destiny, what i mean is that he is what ioun said way back in c1 about Fate: mortals make choices and through those choices, destiny is fulfilled. he is the answer to caduceus' own growth from passive instrument waiting for someone to play him to active communicator in this conversation between gods and mortals. in this sense, fjord is what caduceus learns to be (this is exactly why caduceus rejects a mentor role; he has as much to learn from fjord as vice versa).

so for this coincidence to pop up, this idea that maybe fjord only had the illusion of choice to extend his service to the wildmother, that maybe somehow he was manipulated again, that there was some grand destiny pushing things and fjord had no say in it, yeah, i can see why fjord was low-key terrified. so is this what fjord and caduceus are: just some predestined grand fairy tale partnership neither of them have that much say in? episode 96 resoundingly rejects that label too. for one thing, none of the stones or clays treat fjord's last name as anything amazing or spectacular. for another, this string of episodes gives us caduceus at his most human. the terror of not knowing what happened to his family, the uncertainty of his homecoming, the relief of saving his family and home, the irritation at the way the chaos crew treats the temple, the playful attitude caduceus cultivates after, it's all on display. caduceus drops much of his placid exterior and willingly allows the nein to see sheer depth of emotion he has.

which leads me back to episode 98-99. uk’otoa’s agents come for fjord. and caduceus is pissed. travis and ashley both said on talks that they hadn’t really seen taliesin that pissed, that it was like someone had threatened an actual loved one of his. fjord dies. and comes back to an exhausted, still pissed off firbolg who is five seconds away from snapping archmage vess derogna’s head off for interrupting his prayer of healing. taliesin doesn’t even begin to relax until they start interrogating the dead fish people the next day. once caduceus confirms the ball is still in fjord, notably caduceus and caleb were the two who remembered, fjord starts asking for a way to remove it. he asks caduceus to start a commune with wildmom in tandem with jester’s commune with the traveler. caleb tells fjord that caduceus fought “very hard for you while you were down, i don’t know if he’s up to it.” having heard that, caduceus still tries, with his first divine intervention attempt of the campaign. and when jester figures out that greater restoration will work, caduceus pushes through his exhaustion, takes charge, and goes through a truly terrifying greater restoration with fjord to remove the ball. convulsing, seizing, shuddering, collapsing, etc.

in those moments, and in the quiet after when fjord confirms that he still has his powers, it finally hits him that yes, people can protect, fight, and love him for who he is alone. there is no chain or other shoe waiting to be dropped here. the wildmother is no uk’otoa, to punish or take power at a whim. caduceus will fight with everything he has and then some for fjord because he loves him (not for nothing does fjord only realizes the depths of jester’s feelings when she uses heal on him). who are caduceus and fjord to each other? they are people who will fight for one another and the others as far as they can. fjord says over and over again that he wants to protect the nein and look out for them because he cares for them. he demonstrates it over and over again as well. caduceus says basically the same thing; he wants everyone safe and happily on their way and will stay until they are. he demonstrates this all the time as well. this is, i think, the first time that he demonstrates his dedication so unequivocally, free of the artifice of duty, fully committed through love. fjord recognizes this in caduceus and caduceus does in fjord.

i say this is a turning point because, while they don’t really have another super in depth conversation alone together, these two start clocking each other and openly help and look out for each other. there’s an ease and intimacy to the relationship after this. fjord watching caduceus swim near vokodo’s lair, fjord being ready to hand over his armor to caduceus when it looks like his won’t be ready, fjord, caduceus, and beau plotting behind jester’s back to keep her safe from the traveler, the absolute offense fjord takes to eadwulf after he spoke to caduceus like that, fjord levels up in paladin after caduceus tells him he’s proud to know him, all the way to the end of the show when fjord shelters the clerics and tells them to finish lucien, we get little moments like these from both of them. hell, caduceus is the first person in the campaign to tell fjord directly that he loves him.

[mochegato]

Hope on Board

Chapter 4 – Acing the Test by Not Preparing Properly    

Chapter 1     Chapter 3

“Are you under the impression the third test might give you a different result?” Adrien asked with a strained amusement.

“We’ve seen stranger things,” Marinette spared a glance from the test on the counter in front of her to glare at him.  “And if I was in any way lucky,” this time she glared at Tikki who shrunk away behind Adrien while Plagg cackled at her, “it would.”

She returned her attention to the test only to give an aggravated yell.  “Son of a bitch!”  She grabbed the edge of the bathroom counter to support her as she folded over gasping for breath.

Adrien nodded thoughtfully. “It might be.”

She turned her head to glare at him.  “Are you kidding me!  Really?” He gave her a sheepish shrug even as he grimaced.  She groaned and collapsed on the floor, leaning against the wall and pulling her knees into her chest.  The distant thought occurred to her that she wasn’t going to be able to do that for much longer.  She wasn’t going to be able to do a lot of things for much longer.  God, how could she be so stupid.  She pulled her hair in frustration.

She was just starting up her business.  She had just entered into a partnership that was supposed to last at least two years. How was she going to manage the project if she was throwing up and had to take months off to take care of the baby? What if there were complications? How was she going to take care of the baby?  How was she going to support a baby if her business failed?  But how was her business going to succeed if she was focusing on making sure her baby had the attention they deserved.

She was broken from her spiraling thoughts by a weight across her shoulders.  She turned her head, still letting it rest on her knees, to look at Adrien.  He reached over to wipe away the tears she only then realized she had been crying. “It’ll be okay, Bugaboo.  There are options if you don’t want the baby and if you do, there are options.”

She gave him a weak smile, keeping her head on her knees for a few more moments before switching to lay her head on his shoulder.  “How am I supposed to get my company up and running and raise a baby on my own?  It takes so much time, both of them.  I’m half a world away from my family and most of our friends, fresh out of school, starting a business, entering a new partnership, which might get reneged if I can’t fulfill the requirements, and all alone. How do I do this?”

Adrien hugged her closer. “You’re not alone, Princess.  I’ll be right by you every step of the way. Even when you tell your parents.”

She gave a halfhearted laugh. “Yeah, that’s going to be a bloodbath.”

Adrien rested his head on hers.  “No it won’t. Do you have any idea how excited your Dad is going to be about being a grandfather?  They’re going to be worried about you.  They’ll have the same concerns for you that you do.  They won’t be mad.”

“The father might be,” she hedged.

Adrien was silent for a moment.  “You’re going to tell him?”

“I think he deserves to know. This baby might have a loving family nearby.  I don’t want to take that away if it is available.”  Her voice was starting to get stronger.  This was a decision she could control.  She could control whether she invited the father to be a part of their lives.  She couldn’t control his answer, but she could control the ask.

“You’re not worried about the weapons?” Adrien asked carefully.

“I am.  But Tikki is right, it could be an innocent explanation. I owe it to him to have the chance to explain.”

Adrien nodded, determination settling in his eyes.  “Okay, we tell him.”

“We?” she asked with an amused smile.

“We,” he confirmed.  “I said you weren’t going to do this alone. I meant it.  I’ll be there to support you.  I’ll help you find him and stay nearby when you tell him, if you want me to.”  He squeezed her again.  “So, what do you remember about where he lives?”

“It had a kitchen with weapons, a living room with a comfortable couch, and a bedroom with a bed that didn’t squeak,” she deadpanned.

He shot her a playful glare. “You can’t remember anything?”

“I remember… it was a door in the middle of a long corridor of doors on a floor a few floors up in a building in Gotham.”

“Oh that’s helpful.”

“I don’t know!” She threw her hands up in exasperation.  “I was still drunk and panicked and swung away as Ladybug so I don’t even have stores I passed to go off of.”

“What do you remember, for real this time?”

She turned to stare at a point in the distance, trying to focus her mind and order her thoughts. What did she remember?  Not much.  She had flashes.  She remembered the feelings he stirred in her.  She smiled nostalgically as she described her memories.  “A smile, a touch, his eyes looking soft and sweet. The feeling of being watched out for, of being wanted, more than just physically.”

Adrien gave a long suffering sigh and collapsed his legs to the bathroom floor.  “Well that’s helpful to track him down.”

Marinette rolled her eyes and pushed him away.  “You asked what I remembered.  I didn’t even remember his name on my own.”  She groaned and hit her head against the wall behind her.  “Why did you let me go home with him?  You were supposed to be my voice of reason!”

“You said you were sure. You said it was cosmic intervention… I think.”  He rubbed his head as phantom pains returned.  “You remember more about that night than I do.”

She groaned again, this one taking a whinier tone than the previous groans.  “That was the sixth drink and eighth shot talking.”

“Well your eighth shot was very convincing to my ninth shot.”

“And how could I have not used a condom?  I couldn’t possibly have been that far gone that I didn’t demand protection.  Could he…” her body stilled, her mind froze as a horrifying thought occurred to her, “…could he have not used one?  And said he did?”

Adrien grimaced.  “Or he was drunk and thought he did.  Or thought you said not to.  Not that you did!  Just that he was really drunk and misinterpreted!” He rushed to add upon seeing her reaction to the suggestion.

“No, you used a condom,” Tikki offered quietly.  “Just not the whole time.”

Marinette’s head whipped to her.  “Okay, first, ew!  Why do you know that!  Were you watching?”

“No!” Tikki exclaimed indignantly.  “But voices carry, especially when they are very loud.” She gave Marinette a pointed look.

Marinette eyed her suspiciously but continued, “Second, what does that mean?”

Tikki sighed dejectedly. “It means you did stuff before you put it on.  And if you’re particularly lucky, that’s enough.”

“Oh my God,” Adrien muttered absentmindedly.

“Oh my God!” Marinette yelled, realization setting in.

“Yeah, I bet Tikki heard that a lot that night too,” Plagg cackled.

All three eyes shot to him in a glare that did nothing to diminish his laughter.

“You mean I’m pregnant because I’m Ladybug?  Because I was wearing the earrings?” Marinette whisper screeched.

“Not… entirely… but, it influenced it.  You’re the wielder of Creation.  It’s going to increase your chances of the right things happening in the right order to create life.  But you two are the ones who didn’t wear a condom for the whole act, allowing semen to be present and you two are the ones who gave each other multiple orgasms, which helped move the semen into the right position.  You very much could have gotten pregnant without any miraculous intervention.”

Marinette’s mouth hung open and her cheeks flushed in embarrassment.  “Multiple orgasms, huh?” Adrien asked waggling his eyebrows.

“Judging by the screaming, I’d say both of them were highly proficient,” Tikki nodded in confirmation.

“Oh my God,” Marinette whispered into her hands covering her face.  “This is a nightmare.  Not only am I pregnant, I have to hear this.  I cannot get a break.”

Adrien shrugged.  “It could be worse.  It could have been bad.”

“It doesn’t really matter if I couldn’t remember it,” Marinette pointed out.

“Yeah, but next time you’ll remember it,” he pointed out.

“If there is a next time,” Marinette sighed.

“There will be,” Adrien reassured her.  “It was cosmic intervention.  It will bring you back together again.”

Marinette shook her head and rested it on his shoulder with her eyes closed.  “I wish I was as optimistic as you.”

“It will all work out eventually.  Until then, you have commissions to finish before the gala, including your dress. You need to look impeccable so we can network for your company.”

Marinette groaned and dropped her legs to the ground.  “Can’t I just fall apart for one minute, please?”

“Nope.  You need to get back to work doing something you love and can focus on.  If it happens to be something that calms you as well?  Well that’s just good for you and the baby.  Come on,” he stood up and offered her his hand to help her up, “you start working and I’ll go out and get some pregnancy supplies for you.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I think you’re more excited about this than I am.”

“You’re going to have a baby! You have a little bug in the oven! If you don’t break it to your dad with a pun, he and I will be so disappointed,” he gave her a mock stern look before pulling her into a comforting embrace.  “You’re going to be ecstatic about this, too, once the shock wears off.  I know you and I know you’re going to be an amazing mom,” he whispered with a kiss to the top of her head.  “And I’m going to be the fun uncle that he, she, or they gets really excited to hang out with and takes them for ice cream and he comes to whenever she has problems they can’t go to you about.” He gave her an excited smile as he thought about the future.

“Now move.  The gala’s coming up in just a few weeks and you have a ton of work to finish and you’re going to be panicking about letting Tim down and you’re not going to be able to chug coffee and energy drinks anymore.”  

Marinette emitted a woeful, agonized moan that even the neighbors heard.

Chapter 5

Tags:

@dickinette-february @demonicbusiness

[aiyexayen]

The ChengXian/WangXian parallel gifsets about the sad boat rides with Wen Ning made me think, once again, about how Wei Ying was worried about being the Jiang Cheng in his relationship with Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying just had so few models of relationship, and only two real models of a serious relationship involving himself--Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. He saw himself as a caretaker in each of them.

Even Jiang Yanli, ultimately, though there was certainly more give and take there. He only accepted a very specific kind of caretaking from her, though, and we see how fraught that was in the way Yu-furen shamed Jiang Yanli for it.

But Jiang Cheng was the most complicated. He and Wei Ying were the Yunmeng Shuangjie. Twin Heroes. Both of them strong male cultivators. Their relationship was such a carefully orchestrated imbalance. Wei Ying had to take care of Jiang Cheng even to the point of making sure Jiang Cheng didn’t feel taken care of. He was stronger, but he had to make sure Jiang Cheng didn’t feel weaker.

And at the same time, he had to be able to have his best friend and brother and navigate the lines of teasing and boasting that came with those dynamics and also with his natural brash and outgoing and free-spirited personality. It’s not something that weighed particularly heavy on him until later on, of course; it’s just How Things Were.

But Lan Zhan being Wei Ying's true equal was a heady taste of something new, something he was desperate for.

Someone he didn’t have to take care of in all those tricky, sticky ways. Someone who could understand him from the outside. That equality between them--of swords and strength and wit--formed so much of their early relationship. The ways Wei Ying and Lan Zhan excelled differently weren’t seen as anything but surface-level differences, cultivation styles. They could choose to take care of each other on their own (like in the Xuanwu cave) but there were no expectations except that which they set for themselves.

The best cohesive example I can think of is the situation at Dafan Mountain. Jiang Cheng has taken off after Wei Ying, to come and find his troublemaking brother and bring him home, ostensibly being the one to wrangle and care for his brother and best friend and someday-second. But as soon as he finds them, Wei Ying is clearly the one in charge. Jiang Cheng gets locked into a shield barrier, given a verbal half-teasing pat on the head, and left behind. Wei Ying goes off with Lan Zhan to find the source of the problems and their new level of partnership is beautifully put on display through their fight (other things happen in that fight, too, but that’s another post).

Jiang Cheng was never allowed to truly take care of Wei Ying. His parents never let him. Wei Ying never let him. He tried, all the time, most of all when he gave himself up to the Wen soldiers. But even that was immediately undone, turned back around on him.

Wei Ying never figured out how to attain any semblance of true equilibrium in his relationship with Jiang Cheng, even after everything at Lotus Pier, especially after everything at Lotus Pier, either before or after the core transfer. Maybe if he had, things would have been different. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have sacrificed his core to begin with.

It’s debatable how much Wei Ying expected to keep living after his core was gone. It’s even more debatable how much he really thought about anything past his own desperation in the moment, about all the promises broken with that single act, about how that would affect his relationship with anyone else. That doesn’t seem like a very Wei Ying thing to sit and think about.

Regardless, once the core was gone, he and Lan Zhan weren't equals. It messed up his relationship with Jiang Cheng, too, of course. The resentful energy was its own kind of strength but it couldn’t make up the difference in any way that counted. It just complicated everything by a thousand times and added in all kinds of new problems.

Even though Jiang Cheng had his core and Wei Ying had nothing but the tortured screams of the lost and vengeful echoing in his head, Wei Ying was still the caretaker there.

Don’t let Jiang Cheng find out the secret. Don’t let Lan Zhan become embroiled in it or expose the secret. Make sure Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli and Lotus Pier are okay. Lift Jiang Cheng up as a leader. Win the war. Apparently still be alive welp didn’t see that coming. Protect them all. Even if it means leaving.

But as much as he scrambled for strengths and leaned on his demonic cultivation he was still weak. Able to wipe out entire outposts of Wen agents yet repeatedly brought to a point where Lan Zhan could kill him easily and we know that the only way he could hope to match him would be to use this dangerous thing that's eating his soul, so shit could really get out of hand. Which wasn't really winning in the end. Demonic cultivation for him in general wasn’t strength so much as carefully-applied weakness.

Not to mention his reputation. They got so far off-balance where reputation and social standing was concerned.

Wei Ying’s merits had been contentious throughout his life--on the one hand, they're all he had to elevate himself beyond the need for the Jiangs' charity, or anyone's charity, as his status as family was so fraught and inconsistent. Being the best made all of that a moot point as much as it could be. And it also made him able to take care of said family, fulfilling all manner of "repay debt" vibes and "I'm obsessed with justice and protection" vibes.

On the other hand, they were definitely part of what made things so difficult with Jiang Cheng. Wei Ying’s reputation outclassing Jiang Cheng’s as a prodigy, a swordsman, a hero, even as he balanced it out by getting a simultaneous reputation for goofing off and being irresponsible. He did his best to make them complementary even though they were never really allowed to be.

But Jiang Cheng said it himself when he visited Wei Ying at the Burial Mounds--as soon as he started walking a different path, all of his merits and his skills and his reputation were turned upside down and used to make him a more effective villain.

So suddenly he didn’t even have any good social standing. He was mistrusted and then hated and reviled. On a number of levels, he could handle that, because it was more important to him that everyone who wasn’t him was okay. But it put him at complete odds with the great Hanguang-Jun, which was definitely something he made a point of noting more than once so we know it really, really mattered to him.

And that knowledge crept further and further in, between the war ending, things going back to some semblance of normal when he...couldn’t, and eventually him ending up in the Burial Mounds.

It was inevitable. He was the weaker one between himself and Lan Zhan, in every possible way. He knew of only one way that could go down.

It's a fear that got tangled up along with the rest of his paranoias, insecurities, traumas, resolutions, and twisted certainties pre-timeskip. On top of that, he lost a central piece of his identity and had no idea how to replace it.

If he isn't himself, who else can he be? Who else might he turn into? Someone who needs to be taken care of? Someone who might have his agency circumvented by a stronger person who thinks he knows better?

He sure did that to Jiang Cheng, and he never really had to own up to that piece of it. He never really regretted it either but he also sure didn't want to be on the other end of it.

Aside from that, Wei Ying just didn't know how to not be the strongest person. Being equal is the closest he’d ever come. He's never been allowed to be weak and taken care of unless he's play-acting and isn't that fucking heartbreaking? Fuck.

So who is he without that?

He still fought with the strengths he had and pretended to have the rest of them. And in one last great act of being the protector and caretaker, ran off to the Burial Mounds.

We do get to see Wei Ying and Lan Zhan working in tandem to bring back Wen Ning, and even though Wei Ying stumbles at the end (for the first time ever, I think, into Lan Zhan’s arms?), he does it successfully. They’re still able to work together, in spite of everything that’s happened, especially when Wei Ying is leaning into his actual talents. Even if Wei Ying’s weakness is still looming over his shoulder, as we see later.

Being with the Wens, living a simple life, leaning into his strengths, being part of a community and family, taking time to work on his scholarly/inventor hobbies, all this served to calm a lot of those fears and also conveniently take Wei Ying out of the scenarios and away from the relationships that caused them. It offered him tentative new pieces of identity to grab.

But then, of course, he lost that, too.

Post-timeskip, Wei Ying is thrust right back into a world where he has to finally face those issues. Whether you take it as he still has no core, or he has Mo Xuanyu’s really weak core, he’s not doing so great where that’s concerned.

He still has strengths. We’re not actually shown any indications that this man is weak at any point, not truly. He has a better grasp on the situation at Mo Manor than all of those precious Lan babies put together.

But we are shown that he uses a bunch of hands-on crafty tricks, talismans and spells and such. And, interestingly, in counterpoint we’re shown Lan Zhan descending from the heavens with his qin. Wei Ying doesn’t use a dizi here yet (let alone sword), and Lan Zhan doesn’t use Bichen. I do think that’s lovely.

However, Lan Zhan is still incredibly strong, in more ways than just physically: his reputation is strong, his presence is strong, his confidence is high, his mastery of the qin is unparalleled, he’s had sixteen more years to grow up and develop his golden core.

From the framing, and Wei Ying’s reactions, and the Lan juniors’ reactions, it’s pretty clear that’s the impression Wei Ying has. There’s an imbalance between them (along with alllll the other reasons he might have to want to stay away from/keep Lan Zhan out of things). He doesn’t see them as complementary, just as not-the-same.

He meets Jiang Cheng next and, hey, Jiang Cheng is actually really strong now, too (also he always was but meh). Again, Wei Ying uses his tricks to outwit and outmaneuver the situation at hand. Again, he’s struck by the impressive image of someone entering the scene like a badass.

And what a deliciously awful carousel of conflicting feelings. Pride? Despair? Longing? Love? Annoyance? Delight? Relief? Pain? Fear?

But as far as strength goes, clearly Jiang Cheng has it in buckets, now. Which means even if they still had a relationship, Jiang Cheng surely wouldn't even be the Jiang Cheng in it anymore. What a horrible realisation.

It can’t be helped much by the fact that Wei Ying almost lets himself get run through and Lan Zhan enters the scene to fucking save him. Even if it’s from the kid we know he just bested.

And that’s the back and forth we see at first. Wei Ying proving his strength and his character but the framing and his reactions proving that he’s still caught in the idea that Lan Zhan is stronger and better than him.

Lan Zhan is beloved. Lan Zhan is strong. Lan Zhan would never accidentally murder people he loved more than life itself. (OKay I won’t get into that but tell me he didn’t think that at any point I dare you)

He accepts it and plays it off as not a big deal, but it clearly is. In his rare serious moments, we see that.

So post-timeskip, Wei Ying has to figure out who he is and then how he can be said person. A significant part of the character and relationship development post-timeskip is about that.

He once again finds himself exploring uncharted territory of building relationship dynamics he’s never experienced with Lan Zhan. It started because he realised they were equals. It can’t develop further until he acknowledges that they still are.

He figures out how to be weak with Lan Zhan first, that it's safe and allowed and okay. There’s nothing wrong with being taken care of. It doesn’t have to define him and it doesn’t have to be about agency or about all the twisty psychological junk that was all wrapped up in his familial relationships at all.

Then he figures out that he still has the capacity to take care of someone like Lan Zhan back, that he’s still able to be needed, and not just someone to follow around and protect.

Wei Ying has strengths, strengths that were always there and always part of him as well as new ways he's grown and changed. He’s an inventor, he’s a genius, he’s a prodigy, he has his talismans and his music and his people skills and his teaching ability and his empathy and his heart.

All this definitely comes to a head on the steps of Jinlintai, by which point it feels like one of the only remaining imbalances that Wei Ying feels so keenly is their status, which of course Lan Zhan snuffs out utterly romantically.

It’s even more poignant that that moment comes right after Wei Ying gets Suibian back. And he's not nearly as good with it--Lan Zhan has to protect him multiple times in that fight and then of course he gets stabbed. But the point is still made, that he was still able to fight, and even his failures with the sword just drive home that this isn't who he is now. And that's okay.

By the time they're at the Burial Mounds again, Wei Ying has accepted the way they work as a team and that they can be complementary. And they fight flawlessly.

I love that growth for him.

He absolutely ends up being the Jiang Cheng, in a number of ways. He runs after Lan Zhan when he’s drunk to keep him out of trouble. He ends up left behind to take care of defenseless people while Lan Zhan runs off and has an epic sword fight in an evil fog bank.

He has to be taken from Lotus Pier, unconscious, in a boat, and is held so preciously in Lan Zhan’s arms.

But. Turns out it’s not so bad when the person you’re being Jiang Cheng for isn’t Wei Ying.

I swear this is not throwing shade at Wei Ying.

But he figures out, slowly, how to actually have a relationship built on even ground, as equals, in spite of being unequal in all the ways he used to think mattered. And he only manages it with someone once he’s on the weaker side of it.

I just think that’s super interesting.

And I think it sets a precedent for Wei Ying to understand the flaws in his old dynamic with Jiang Cheng. Especially once there aren’t secrets between them.

Everything has to change, anyway. Everything has already changed, almost two decades ago, and it isn’t going back. It can’t ever go back. Everything they were to each other was bound up in Jiang Yanli’s presence, in promises long broken, in dreams long dead, in a future that has already proved to not be real. In the old Lotus Pier, a lot of it, since they never really moved on from that, either, even back then.

Jiang Cheng has grown up. He’s raised a kid. He’s raised and trained disciples. He’s been a sect leader for over a decade and a half. He’s been to other people what he never could be to Wei Ying.

He’s also proven that he still wants his brother to fix things, still expects him to be able to. Still wants to fight, still knows how to cry. Still acknowledges fragmented pieces of their lost dynamic. Probably more of the healthy ones than Wei Ying ever has, too.

Jiang Cheng still, even in the wake of learning about the golden core, even after everything he’s built and has become, acknowledges Wei Ying as a strong person. As someone as strong as he is, if not stronger in many ways. As having the capacity of an older brother.

But then, Jiang Cheng was always able to conceptualise a world where he and Wei Ying were equals, complementary if not evenly matched, just as much as Lan Zhan was.

It wasn’t a fantasy that Wei Ying indulged him in. It was a reality that Wei Ying himself didn’t know how to accept and kept at a distance, carefully juggling too many separate parts of a whole he couldn’t allow to come together until they all crashed down.

But he’s been on the other side of it now and maybe it’s enough. Maybe he can take what he’s learned in building/rebuilding his relationship with Lan Zhan and apply it to other people. Especially Jiang Cheng.

And maybe Jiang Cheng has been a sect leader and an uncle long enough to not let Wei Ying get away with shit.

[mashi-sims]

6 Popular tropes that fit #Cooliver

1. Friends to Lovers. Duh

This is the most obvious one, and I wanted to start with this one because if Cooper and Oliver ever become canon, this is what their relationship would be.

In my head, Friends to Lovers is always problematic because it’s easy to lose a beautiful friendship to a mediocre romantic relationship, as has happened to many LGBT couples on TV, but if done correctly, it warms my heart and makes sparks of joy fly all around.

The journey of their friendship not only as a partnership but as a mutual beneficence that helps them both grow and develop as their individual selves, helping each other find their own path, confidence in themselves, inspiration and motivation to fulfill their dreams, ultimately becoming better individuals aiming to transform into the best versions of themselves they can be, *voice intensifies* all while being together and offering each other’s company and support, becoming accustomed to being next to one and other and not being able to imagine a life without the other, slowly developing emotional ties that make them consider if a different kind of love exists, and them exploring it and realizing that, in fact, THERE IS. That type of slow build that transforms into a romantic relationship because they both agree they are each other’s most treasured person and they want to stay in each other’s lives forever, that’s some GOOD STUFF.

2. Fake Dating

The reason why I believe a good fake dating au can get so popular, is because it can offer a pretty natural transition between “Not having any kind of feelings”/”Being unaware of their feelings” to “Oh, my gosh I am in love with this person what do I do”, and it can be so heart-wrenching it’s addictive.

In a beautiful world, Oliver is totally in love with Cooper and he just doesn’t know it yet, and there’s where this trope comes in handy.

There’s a number of reasons why two characters may start fake dating; getting someone off their backs, making someone jealous/angry, needing a date for a special occasion, or getting some odd financial benefit from it, if you’re willing to take it as far as getting married and having to pretend to be actually married so nobody know their marriage is a scam.

They agree to start fake dating or to start introducing each other to other people as their boyfriends, because Cooper wants these interested girls (and boys) in his money to go away, or because Oliver is the only single one at his ballet and he doesn’t want to go to after-show celebration alone, and after one or many fake dating moments, they start realizing they don’t need to act or pretend to act a certain way at all, because there’s stuff they’d normally do with or say to each other, or at least the trust or the reliance is already there. 

Think about the inevitable time where they do have to stop acting like fake boyfriends and they start missing it, or when they mid-date realize there’s something real between all that pretending and now they don’t know what to do about it, imagine the conversation they’d have when they realize they can’t go back to being friends anymore.

3. N Things

This one is more like a writing strategy than an actual trope, but it still works. We’ve all read the “4 times they almost kissed, and one time they did” or the “3 times they said I love you to someone else, and one time they said it to each other”

Okay, now hear me out- how about, “3 times Oliver said Cooper wasn’t his boyfriend, and one he didn’t have to”, or “5 times Oliver said he wasn’t gay, and one time he couldn’t”? I’m down for that.

The heart of this trope is the repeatability of a certain joke, a comment or an unfortunate event and that’s obvious it’ll turn itself around, and it’s that one moment that finally comes which makes you want to dance under the rain.

To me, the amount of times Oliver’s had to tell other people that he isn’t gay or that Cooper’s not his bf (Cooper also said it once) is the perfect starter to this “n things” strategy.

Come on, American Housewife! You’re making it too easy for me to expect that one moment when it all turns around!

4. Babysitters

Neither of these boys is ever shown to be a kid-person nor to have a soft spot for babies, or anything like that! Like, at all! Their whole characters are based around the facts that they are both money-driven, superficial, and self-absorbed (although in the process of becoming better than that), and we barely ever get to see them pouring their hearts out or letting their guard down.

Therefore, imagine a day where Oliver is forced to babysit Violet (or another baby if there comes to be another one), and he’d undeniably be annoyed at the situation because this baby/toddler has ruined his plans, but Cooper obviously stays and helps him out because where else would he be?

It’s the times driving them both crazy when they don’t know how to make a baby stop crying, or when they’re deciding who should change the diaper because neither of them wants to; it’s the time when they’re both a mess because some chaos happened with the food or the paint while they were trying to come up with an activity.

Then it’s Oliver slowly coming down with baby fever as he’s trying make them laugh or when he’s walking around the room trying to make them fall asleep, and Cooper is in awe because he had never seen that side of his friend, and he had never expected it to look so damn cute, and Oliver had never expected Cooper to stay with him for a whole day just taking care of a baby.

It’s at the end of the day when they’re tired as hell but they agree that they had fun and that they’re glad they had each other to help out, and although they don’t say it, maybe it wasn’t so bad their original plans didn’t end up working out.

5. Hurt/Comfort

This is not a trope for everyone, you may love it, you may hate it, you may be indifferent, or you may be like me; somewhere in the middle but with some strong opinions. If done right, it can be a beautiful addition to the story of two characters in process of falling in love. If done wrong, it can victimize the characters in unnecessary ways or show them in a light that doesn’t suit them, thus making them feel out of character, which is every true fan’s worst nightmare.

Although, let’s focus on the small things; like characters holding on to their emotions for too long until they really can’t do it anymore, and they need somebody to help them out, even if they resist it, because in the end they’ll acknowledge they’re thankful for having them, and it also makes their relationship inevitably grow and develop, because there’s something really special about having someone you can truly be yourself with and knowing that they’ll stay, and they’ll help you through everything and make you feel like you’re going to be okay, even (and especially) during your worst moments.

(Although really toned down,) we’ve already seen this kind of comfort between the two; like when Cooper found out Oliver lied about his vacations, and he told him he didn’t need to lie to him out of all people, and that he could come on vacation with him whenever he wanted, or when Cooper’s parents ditched him and he confided in Oliver, who believed he had become tired of hanging out with him, and Cooper had to reassure him that wasn’t the case; those were small moments where we got to see them somewhat upset and being comforted by the other, and that’s when it feels like their friendship is strong and real.

The reason why I believe this trope fits them so much is because they are barely shown in a vulnerable state that allows them to have a sad plot where they’d need to be comforted, and it’s during times like these where you can really see their relationship grow.

Also, I want to point out that it’s not about romanticizing or sexualizing sadness, at all! It’s about using these moments to slowly build and give consistency to the relationship- don’t even get me started on how much I hate seeing and reading characters making out after having a breakdown.

6. Mutual Pining

Some people like to suffer, okay? Some of us like a good tragedy, and there’s nothing more tragic than two characters who are deeply in love with each other, but they’ve resigned to keeping it hidden deep down because they’re convinced the other doesn’t feel the same and they don’t want to lose them nor their friendship, even if it means having to live with a painful secret for the rest of their lives.

When you start having feelings for another person, you may be brave enough to let them now or try and see where things go, because you have nothing to lose, right? But what happens when it’s your best friend you have feelings for? There’s a lot there to lose if do things go wrong, and there’s no certainty that they won’t, so you might as well leave things as they are, because nothing would be more painful than to lose the person you love the most for making things weird because they don’t feel the same way...

And it’s completely frustrating to see two characters with the same internal monologue, because you know what IT COULD BE, but THEY don’t know that- and I love it.

There’s a million different ways this trope can play out, and it’s always so interesting to see where things go after both characters have resigned to never let the other one know how they feel, and then we get to see these destructive actions like dating other people because they think their feelings are unrequited, but they have no idea the other is in deep pain because of seeing the person they love with someone else... yes, a good tragedy!

Anyway, thank you for reading this rant and feel free to add to the list or make any of these come to life.

[vennilavee]

to build a home - ch 1

beyond the drapes

attack on titan masterlist

ch 2 - a girl in a bar

Pairing: levi x reader (attack on titan)

Summary: a modern au where you and levi both work for the Survey Corps, a non-profit organization with a mission to help the youth of the Underground District.

Warnings: cursing, suggestive themes

Word Count: 3787

A/N: im so excited to explore levi’s character in this setting!! this story will be a series of moments in no sequential order. in this modern au, the walls still exist, as does the underground district. the only thing modern about it is the technology and culture lolol ENJOY

*** This day is bound to be a long one- it’s only 10 AM and you’ve already been in back to back meetings with several of donors for the foundation. You’ve been in meetings for the last three and a half hours, your toasted bagel now cold and your second cup of coffee now empty. You sigh and roll your shoulders back, pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance.

These rich types would be the death of you. But Erwin had specifically asked you to handle the rich donors. As if Hange or Levi would be able to sit through even one of these ass-kissing phone calls. You can hear sugary sweetness dripping off of your tongue with practiced patience and you hardly recognize it. It’s an out of body experience. As words are rolling off your tongue, you wonder how Levi would fare with this responsibility.

He’d complain the whole time and then tell the person on the other end of the video call to fuck off and get their heads out of their asses. The thought makes you scoff and you clear your throat to cover the sound.

Erwin knew your strengths and weaknesses as individuals and a team, and you were grateful for such an insightful boss and friend.

Once you seal the third donation of the morning, you take your headset off and rub your temples. You’re glad you’re free until noon, giving you some time to catch up on emails and catch up with your colleagues and friends. The drapes in your office were drawn back, illuminating your office in a faint sunny glow. Today, the sun was hiding behind the clouds so it wasn’t terribly bright.

And yes, you had drapes in your office. They were a midnight blue with threads of gold embroidered throughout. Everyone else had normal blinds, but you had seen these drapes while window shopping years ago for this new office and you knew it belonged. Something about the blue and gold made you feel royal and regal. As if this was yours and yours only.

That didn’t mean that Levi didn’t tell you how stupid your drapes were and how stupid you were at least once daily- “You think this is a stupid castle or something? You hear yourself?”

To which you would prompt reply, “if this was a castle, you’d be the damn gargoyle in front. The one that scares everyone away.”

And then he’d just ‘tch’ at you and roll his eyes.

What an ass.

You’re growing restless, so you lock your computer and get up to stretch your muscles for a few minutes. Sitting for hours at a time does a number on you in ways that you’d never expect- your shoulders sometimes hurt, your lower back, even your ass.

Maybe you need a better seat and desk setup, you muse. Walking down the hallway with your cold bagel in your left hand, you rotate your right shoulder and wince. You pass several of the new hires, Eren and Jean who seem to be bickering amongst themselves but straighten up and say ‘good morning’ to you as you pass them. You give them a smile and a wave, continuing on your way.

You stop by Hange’s office, where her door is wide open and papers are strewn all over the place. She’s viciously typing on her computer as she pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose in between each word. Her hair is in disarray and you sigh when you knock on her door.

“Hange,” You call, “Did you stay up all night again?”

“Huh? No way,” Hange gasps, looking at the time, “I just got caught up with things! You know- I’m this close to finishing this grant proposal! Look how much money we’re gonna get outta them! They won’t know what hit ‘em-”

“Hange,” You say firmly, “I’m calling you a cab to go home. Go to sleep. I don’t trust you to drive home, considering you’ve been up all night.”

“What?! I can drive-”

“Hange!” You interrupt her, “I’m serious! Come back tomorrow. Take it easy.”

She slumps in her chair in defeat and removes her glasses, rubbing her eyes in fatigue. “Oh alright. I guess I’m a little tired.”

“See you tomorrow, Hange,” You salute and point to your phone, “Cab’s on it’s way.”

With that, you make your way further down the hallway and come to a stop in front of Levi’s office. You knock and immediately open the door without allowing a moment of rest in between.

“What’s the point of knocking if you’re just going to barge in?” Levi asks, eyes still on his computer screen.

“It’s much more dramatic, and we both know you would’ve left me waiting. Because you’re an ass,” You reply good-naturedly, sliding into the seat in front of his desk and propping your legs up on his desk. Your shoes are in his face and he pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

“To what do I owe this most shitty pleasure?” Levi says, eyes narrowed at your bagel, “You here to ruin my office? Last time you were here I had to spend an hour cleaning it-”

You bite your tongue at the response you want to provide to that.

“No reason. Just have been on calls all morning. Was bored,” You shrug and wince at the slight shoulder movement.

Levi quirks an eyebrow at you but says nothing. He continues typing away, seemingly ignoring you as you munch on your half of the bagel. Once you’re finished with it, he throws a banana at you wordlessly. You fail to hide your smile.

“You’ll get hungry in about an hour with that shitty bagel. And then I’ll have to hear about it,” Levi says tonelessly, eyes trained on you. You roll your eyes at him and peel your banana.

“So you gave me this banana to shut me up?”

“Yes, it’s in my own best interest.”

A comfortable silence falls between the both of you. You eye the snow globe that you had gotten him for Christmas and his birthday on his shelf. It looks as if you had purchased it for him yesterday, when in reality it was over five years old. His office is as clean as ever, just like him.

“That’s a nice shirt,” You murmur, eyes raking over him shamelessly,  “Who’s the lucky person who bought it for you?”

And honestly, he wants to do something about the smug smirk on your face. But instead he just stares at you, face as impassive as ever. His hair falls into his eyes with a practiced poise. You see the corners of his lips turn up, nearly daring to give you something resembling a smile.

“What makes you think I didn’t buy it myself?”

“Come on, Levi. You and I both know your sense of style is… questionable most times.”

“My sense of style? You really want to talk about your shitty drapes?” Levi asks, but you sense no malice in his voice.

“My drapes? Wouldn’t you like to know if the curtains match the drapes-”

“I can’t think of anything worse to know.”

You gasp in indignation, hand to your heart. “Don’t be such an ass!”

“Then don’t be such a brat!”

“Ugh,” You groan, standing up from your seat and making sure there are no crumbs falling off of you, “I have actual work to do, Ackerman. Quit wasting my time.”

“Door’s right there, sweetheart,” Levi says nonchalantly, looking back down at his planner and not sparing you a second glance.

“See you soon, handsome,” You call, turning back to wave at him and he gifts you with an upturn of his lips.

***

The Survey Corps was a nonprofit organization run by Erwin Smith and the mission of the organization was to find and provide educational resources and mentoring to the youths in the city. Specifically, the mission was to show kids who grew up in the shadows that they could have a life outside of the shadows and in the light with the help of the Survey Corps.

That’s not to say that the Survey Corps had all of the answers and all of the funds to fix the poverty in the walls. But your team tried their hardest to help the kids. Because the kids were the future.

As an organization, you had done some pretty amazing things and had some pretty amazing connections. The Survey Corps had been successful in launching many partnerships and setting up afterschool programs for the kids to find their interests. It was the kind of work that made you feel fulfilled and driven.

Not to mention, that you worked with some of the best people. Despite everyone’s differences, everyone had a clear shared passion for helping the kids of the city.

You truly loved your job, and everyone around you did as well. Ever since Erwin had promoted you to Director of Impact all those years ago and had seen your capabilities, you had really been able to thrive.

Bringing those new kids on board was your idea for the most part- Levi had complained the whole time, asking why they needed a separate youth outreach group when Erwin’s original team wasn’t even that old.

You had kindly told him that you weren’t teenagers anymore and hadn’t been in two decades. He had glared at you but nodded in agreement.

The rest of your afternoon was relatively free, you were just finishing up a few project ideas for outreach and catching up with some of the new kids.

You should probably stop calling them kids, you think dryly. They’re all in their early twenties, fresh faced and eager. Besides Mikasa- she’s almost as neutral as Levi is, with similar eyes, and you can’t help but wonder if they’re distantly related.

You rotate your shoulder again and massage it lightly with a wince. Damn, your right shoulder has been aching over the last week. Maybe you needed a real massage. Or a new chair.

You send all of your emails out quickly with your shoulder beginning to throb in pain as minutes go by.

Death by the office.

You tell Jean and Connie to meet you in the break-out room for your quick catch-up, unable to take sitting at your desk for much longer. You bring a notebook and a pen with you to the break-out room and wait for them to arrive.

They sit across from you with their stainless steel water bottles in front of them. They’re chatting animatedly, telling you about their ideas and their plans of all the good they can bring to the kids within the walls. Their shared enthusiasm makes you smile.

You start taking notes on their ideas, already thinking of ways to bring them to life. You groan softly as your hand cramps up from the pain in your right shoulder and neck shooting down your arm.

Jean calls your name and you look up.

“Are you okay?” He asks, “You look like you’re in pain.”

“Obviously she’s in pain!” Connie exclaims indignantly, “Sorry about him. He likes to state the obvious.”

“I’ll be alright. My shoulder is just- acting up today…” You trail off and rotate it, “Anyway, I like your ideas. Keep it up, I love the enthusiasm. And don’t try to out maneuver each other either.”

You look pointedly at Jean who gives you a look of innocence.

“We’re a team,” You murmur.

“Captain still calls us interns,” Connie blurts out and you can’t help but let out a laugh. That they still call Levi their Captain, because he’s so rigid with them and that he still calls them interns.

“I’ll talk to Captain grump,” You reassure them, “He calls you interns out of affection.”

“Affection? From Captain Levi? Pff,” Jean scoffs, crossing his arms.

“You’d be surprised, Jean.”

***

Levi catches your soft whistle of pain as you slide the straps of your backpack over your shoulders. He wordlessly stands behind you and pushes the straps of your arm and carries your backpack for you instead. He gives you his phone and keys to hold on to and you give him a smile in return.

He walks you to the car in silence, opening the door for you and waiting for you to get in. Levi catches your grimace and soft exhale once more as you shift in the seat.

“You told Hange to go home?” Levi asks, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” You nod, “She was here all night again. I don’t know how it gets past Erwin, but I told her to come back after she’s rested.”

Levi nods, eyes trained on the road in front of him. One hand on the steering wheel and one on his thigh. After a moment of staring off into the setting sun, you feel Levi’s hand slide into yours and his thumb rub against yours. His gaze hasn’t shifted, but you can see the light in the corner of his eyes.

He has let his hair and his scruff grow out a little longer than he usually likes- is he distracted? You can’t recall the last time his hair has been this long, but you like it. You make a mental note to ask him about it once you get home.

But as always, Levi can feel your eyes on him.

“Why are you staring?” He asks bluntly.

“Just lookin’ at your ugly mug,” You say nonchalantly, not missing the way his lips quirk up.

“You’ve been with this ugly mug for the last six years,” Levi says dryly, “And what does that say about you?”

“That I have good taste,” You beam at him and he rolls his eyes fondly.

“You’re a brat.”

“You’re an ass.”

You squeeze his hand and watch the planes of his face imperceptibly relax. He wonders how long your shoulder has been bothering you like this. You had mentioned a few times over the last week that it was an odd sort of ache, but today, it seemed like you were in a lot of pain. He’ll ask you about it when you get home.

Home. The space he’s shared with you for the last three and a half years. Levi thinks about that often. He thinks about being a rough, underground kid with nothing but dirt and danger to his name. He wonders if that kid would’ve ever dreamed of living a life like this. He often thinks about Erwin finding him so young and pledging to help him and help kids like him.

Levi often thinks about you. You, who had offered him nothing but laughs and coffee when he had nothing to give. You, who offered your shoulder when he didn’t have the strength to ask. You, who found a crack in his armor of steel and buried yourself next to him despite his roughness.

You.

Even now, he still wonders from time to time if you are aware of the extent of his adoration for you. But when you look at him in that soft way of yours, in that way that’s only reserved for him, he thinks you do.

***

Levi hears your pained gasp from the kitchen and then a call of his name. He sees you standing in your underwear, clutching your right shoulder with creased eyebrows.

“Levi,” You murmur, “Will you help me out of this shirt?”

Levi hums and brushes his knuckles over your neck gently.

“Lift your arms up for a second. This would be easier if this shirt was a button up rather than this shitty material,” He mutters, “This might hurt for a sec.”

He hears your sharp inhale and exhale as he pulls your top off. Levi pulls out one of his own shirts that has now become your sleep shirt and a pair of his shorts for you. He’s quick and precise in his movements, unclasping your bra easily and tugging his shirt over your head. He even helps you into his shorts and you press a kiss to his cheek in gratitude.

Levi rubs your shoulder gingerly, eyes cast over you in concern.

“Go sit on the couch,” Levi murmurs, “I think we still have some of that medicinal paste my mom gave us. The one that’s supposed to help with pains like this. Your shoulder is tight.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s tight,” You wink at him and he shakes his head, patting your hair.

You’re tempted to follow Levi to the kitchen but refrain when he shoots you a look. Instead, you settle on the couch, stretching your legs out.

“Took you long enough,” You grumble, scooting up on the couch for him to lay behind you.

“It took me two minutes. Did you lose your sense of time as well?” Levi murmurs, pulling you into his chest.

You hum, already feeling yourself relax and take his hand in yours. Levi pulls the right side of your shirt down a little to examine your shoulder. He presses a finger to your upper neck and you hiss once his fingers press a little lower. He continues his examination, trying to figure out exactly where you’re in pain.

“Gonna give you a massage,” Levi says, “Might hurt at first. It’ll feel nice after. You can hold my hand if it does.”

“Thanks for your permission, honey,” You roll your eyes but clasp his free hand in yours once more.

His fingers are steady, gentle but firm against your skin. Levi whispers words to you, words of his day, words of what he thinks of the new interns. You correct him for the millionth time, reminding him that they’re not interns anymore. They’re employees now, part of the team. He scoffs but it pulls a laugh from you.

And then you gasp sharply when Levi’s hand prods at a knot. You squeeze his hand reflexively but after a few soothing touches, the pain washes away and the knot dissolves. Levi continues to rub your muscles and you lean further into his chest, your eyes closed in bliss.

He maneuvers you so as to not disturb you too much and spreads the topical analgesic on your shoulder, leaving your skin exposed. So that the medicine doesn’t spread on your shirt.

“Good?” Levi asks, rubbing your other shoulder. You nod, peering up at him and pecking his lips in gratitude. You try to deepen the kiss, try to rake your fingers through his hair the way he likes, but he turns his cheek.

“You’re gonna waste the medicine. It’ll stick to your shirt rather than your shoulder.”

“Seriously?” You groan.

“Blame your shitty shoulder,” Levi says and you glare at him.

“Take my shirt off then.”

“It’ll stick to your shirt when I take it off. Don’t be stupid.”

“Wow, you really thought this through,” You grumble, settling back into his chest and hoping the medicine absorbs quickly. He gives you a rare smile and kisses your forehead, his hand snaking under your shirt to rub your belly, his fingertips at your ribcage. The way he knows you like.

It had taken a long time for Levi to touch you like this. But you didn’t mind though. You were patient, and he was worth it. He was an immensely private person and while he was never ashamed of you- the thought had never even struck his mind- he preferred to keep his business within the walls of your home. Even at work, Erwin often teased both of you that he could hardly tell that you were in a long term relationship with the way you two bickered with each other and the general lack of PDA. But Hange, bless her, would scold Erwin for being so dense-

How can you not tell? They argue like a married couple!

It had taken a long time for Levi to touch you like this. He can remember when the mere act of looking at you had proven to be too much sometimes. And somehow, you always knew when he needed space. When it got to be too much. It had even taken you a long time to touch him like this. He was unlike anyone you had ever met in every way. You’re certain from the way you fit within the spaces of his arms that this is where you were meant to be.

Something gentle settles in your cheeks, in the way you blink at him, in the way you’re stroking his undercut. He very nearly purrs at the touch but still-

“What are you thinking about?”

“You,” You reply, not missing his ‘tch’ in response, “Your hair’s getting long…”

You run your fingers through his dark, silky strands and leave a trail of burning embers in your wake. You cup his cheek and he leans into your touch, head tilting into your hand slightly. His grown out stubble prickles your hand and you push yourself closer to him.

“Something on your mind?” You murmur, “You never go this long without a haircut. Or a shave.”

“Testing something out,” Levi says vaguely and you hum.

“Whatever you say, honey,” You reply, pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll hurt yourself if you think too much.”

“Noted. Thanks for looking out for me, Levi,” You say dryly, poking his chest.

“Someone has to,” Levi mutters, “Think you need a new chair at work. You’ve always had a shitty chair. Or maybe you need a standing desk. I’ll build you one.”

You’re barely listening, eyes beginning to flutter closed and you hum in agreement. Levi is just so warm, it’s no surprise that you’re asleep in just a few minutes. Your breaths are steady against his arm as you shift a little to turn on your side. You must be tired. Levi grabs the book he’s currently reading from the coffee table, drapes a blanket over you and rubs your back as you fall into a deeper sleep.

As he reads, he can’t really focus on the words on the page. He’s busy thinking about you, and how easily you grew to trust him and to love him. Despite how long it took for him to even realize that what he felt towards you was trust and love. Levi thinks back to the kid from the Underground. That kid is still him, and he remembers the faint desire to have a semblance of this life. To feel the sun against his face, the wind in his hair. To be unabashedly himself.

And somehow, not even the freeing feeling of the sun on his face and the wind in his hair can compare to your velvet touch on his skin.

[mikeshanlon]

what do you think are the other ggreboot characters zodiacs?

okay so just gonna like ramble about some placements i think they might have and disclaimer i am no expert or necessarily Fixed in these possible placements. also every sign has good and bad and manifests itself in diff ways so if u dont love the placements i chose sorry babes bladididahhh okay continuing

julien: def think she is a gemini, i think she def gives mutable/gemini sign vibes both in how sometimes she will be a lot more calculated and "bitchy" and then be a lot softer (not saying geminis are two faced but multifaceted), and in how she wants to grow over the course of the season and become more authentic. especially with how geminis are curious and want to see how the world works and question things, the more she explore the more she understands herself. geminis are also super fun and magnetic which i think fits her vibe. plus i think she is definitely a good communicator, even tho i think her speech in 1.04 was.... something... she was able to pull it out on the spot and be well spoken and convince the party goers, so very good with her communication imo. leo rising, bc u kno Magnetic Grand Influencer. always aware of how shes percieved. can be rash, but like, she's fun, shes got a warm heart.

zoya: zoya is canonically a libra (october 22). i think that fits in a lot of aspects, she definitely embodies the traits of libra that are very concerned with justice, and i do think she is diplomatic/logical (her knowing whats important to her and not as caught up in the world of reputation as the others), tho less of a... pushover/peacekeeper as aki is. also her love of the arts in reading/plays. def think she probably has aquarius placements given again the sense of justice but also her being more outspoken/rebellious/unpredictable... aqua mars maybe? could be a cancer moon, for the idea of nostalgia/past, wanting home and security, hating superficiality.

aki: obviously i have not shut up abt him being a libra sun. i just know it in my bones its the introverted libra blueprint the peacekeeping the innocent nature the love of art (film in his case) his magnetic lover pretty boy energy, a pretty defined Aesthetic. diplomatic, always looking at things through logic. libra mercury as well for similar reasons, diplomatic and reserved with his words, objective, tries to make everyone happy even at his own expense (hello forgiving/apologizing to audrey and max for all the shit they did lmao). i think he has a pisces moon because i do think he's sensitive and cares deeply and quite dreamy in his own head but not going to be maybe as reactive as a cancer/scorpio moon. they are a lil weird they can kind of be a pushover/doormat, its the vibes. aquarius rising bc he does have the Mysterious Aloof vibes esp if you don't know him, a loner, a bit weird, abstract outlook, nervous. mayhappssss pisces mars bc its again like p romantic and sensitive but they can be kinda hard to pin down and less agressive but i havent Nailed down a venus/mars yet.

audrey: taurus sun i think. i love the idea that two of the sides of their love triangle are represented by venus and i think it fits with them-- both find love very important and have love for each other, but it doesnt really work romantically bc of their diff styles (like personally as a libra loveee them as friends idk if i could really be in a relationship tho). taurus is fixed and resistant to change bc its what they know, ie, her not wanting to move at all. interesting in aesthetics, being classy, etc. wont hold back her judgement (also guessing she has some fire in her bc of how much she lashes out. mayhaps aries or leo). loyal, at least to julien and the idea of friendship and partnership lmao. wants a loyal partner who stays by her side no matter what. also her love of reading and cooking and domesticity is very taurean. this may be bc of her big eyes but i feel like she has a water rising, i think scorpio rising fits best, she can be quite intimidating, she wants privacy, determined, she wants a reliable partner again. can be impatient.

max: leo sun-- im sorry maybe too obvious LMAO but he's just like very charming, confident, wants fun, dramatic af, loves an indulgent moment, wants people to want him. but also i think very warm and nice to his friends when they need it, like going out with julien, or in softer moments like helping audrey with her mom and cooking breakfast for her and aki. leos are also quite funny which i think max is. he's mischevious, he wants vibrance. i also think leo/taurus and leo/libra compatibility make sense for the love triangle lmao. aries moon, likes confrontation, likes drama, want what they want (and often, they have lots of diff crushes) and will go after it. impulsive. want instant gratifcation, to live life charging ahead and in the moment. don't understand skirting around emotions. i think gemini or sag in mars, because of the freedom/independent aspects, fun, and also the sexuality of the mars signs.

monet: capricorn sun and mercury, she knows what she wants, she wants success and power, and shes going to figure out the most effecient way to get there, no matter what. shes going to protect what she cares about most, shes not gonna deal with the bullshit, a bit of a hater of everything. wealth, oppulence. DEFINITELY has a strong scorpio placement / mars energy--probably scorpio mars as at least one placement: ready for war, secretive, observant, calculating. i think maybe aries rising, direct action, competitive, want to lead, blunt and brusque, quick to drop if its not working, with scorpio and cap placements that drive and aggression to be on top increases.

luna: i think she's a virgo sun, she's calculating/discerning, shes a bit judgy, she has rules and order and you're going to fucking follow them! she's observant, able to figure out things like monet's betrayal. def think shes a libra rising, she is so etheral and magnetic, social. while i dont think her libra manifests in a super diplomat way like zoya or aki, i do think she does try to compromise and find balance in certain areas, like going along with the zoya and julien sister narrative and making it work even though she didnt rlly want to. also the style aspect of her character is v libra rising. leo mercury, she's dramatic and fun and has an ego and some u kno.. scathing shit to say lmao.

obie: okay im sorry he is such a fucking toxic pisces male. projecting fantasies onto ppl and then getting upset when they dont fulfill that? yup! mutable as fuck, never really taking a stand in activism, family, love. wanting to be a martyr. staying in situations he doesnt think will work out bc he wants them to--like waiting until he had an excuse to leave julien, or thinking that maybe things werent good with zoya but holding on. hates when ppl critique him. maybe venus in libra bc very idealistic about what he wants in a relationship and wants things done a certain way or else hes like wtf. idc abt his other placements lmfao

[stygiusfic]

if the hades characters were a tarot deck

I saw gorgeous art on twitter of a few Hades characters depicted as Major Arcana cards and, because I’m a humongous tarot nerd, I started thinking about who would be the best fit for each Major Arcana, based on their personality and character arc. Unfortunately I can’t draw well enough to do my ideas justice, but I hope it’s interesting to read!

Some minor spoilers for the events of the game up until the true ending, since character arcs are mentioned.

The Fool - Zagreus, setting out, damned be the consequences. Someone ready to take the first steps in a new direction, thinking only of what they stand to gain. The traditional fool shows a traveling youngster, maybe a bard, happily walking forward, not realizing or caring that he's about to walk off a cliff, because he's focused on the sky and the vistas before him. There is a dog at his heel, trying to keep him back, but he ignores the warning. Zagreus doesn't care that "There is no escape"; he is determined and does not lose sight of his goal.

The Magician - Chaos. This is a card of luck and creation, of forward momentum. You have made plans and now it's time for action. With the resources at your disposal, you enact change upon yourself and the world. There is a certain whimsy to this card that I think fits Chaos very well too, though I was tempted to place them in The Hermit, symbolizing the guidance they provide.

The High Priestess - Nyx. This card signifies the serene wisdom that comes from intuition and introspection. It's a card of deep, profound knowledge. The answers we seek are sitting inside of us, in our minds, our bones, they are truths we can feel, and those are what we must follow. This is Nyx urging Zagreus to pursue his desire to find his mother, and supporting him in the endeavor, because she knows as well as he does that he needs it in order to move forward.

The Empress - Persephone. The Empress provides; her generosity is built upon effort and careful cultivation in order to achieve the goal. Plus, harvest symbolism runs deep in this card. She ran away once, but once she returns, we see her trying to settle into her role as a mother and, once again, a Queen, and trying to be kind as she wants Hades to be.

The Emperor - Hades. In its reversed aspect, this card symbolizes a leadership that can be almost tyrannical in the way it lays claim to the loyalty of others and the rigidity and unfairness of his rulings. This fits his rulership and his intransigent attitude towards the members of the House and the Shades who enter compacts with him. His rule over the Underworld is absolute and, on occasion, stifling.

The Hierophant - Athena and, to a lesser extent, the other Olympians. This is a card of traidition and institution. In many cases, it can be an oppressive card of rigid rules that restrain our growth, but sometimes it can be interpreted as a calling to become part of an institution and seek a purpose. I'm going with that reading, with Athena lending her support to Zagreus' cause because they are family, and family stands united (family, too, is an institution). And she believes she is calling him to Olympus, which is its own hierarchy separate from the Underworld.

The Lovers - Zagreus in between Meg and Than. Mutual desire, a healthy partnership where all parties have their needs fulfilled. In some cases, it can represent a choice between two paths when you've come to a fork in the road, which works as well if you decide to choose a single romance. Alternatively, this could be the choice between reciprocating their feelings or staying friends; regardless, the relationships are positive.

The Chariot - Hermes and Charon. Healthy motivation, willpower, a sense of drive and certainty. Why not make this a card of Hermes delivering souls to Charon's "chariot", his boat? This is a card of purpose, of knowing exactly where you're going and heading there. The professional associates seem like a perfect fit for it.

Strength - Theseus and Asterius. In the way that traditional Strength cards picture a woman subduing a lion, I picture Theseus standing behind a sitting and relaxed Asterius, with his hands on his shoulders or mane. Theseus is as insufferable in death as he was in life, but we see him having realized some of his mistakes, starting with killing the Minotaur and then rescuing him from Erebus in death. Strength represents the courage to face your shortcomings and learn from them in order to move forward.

The Hermit - Sisyphus and Bouldy. In truth, Sisyphus would have been a good fit for Justice as well, as a character who pays penance for the atrocities he committed, but in the context of the game we often find him chilling during a break from the Furies’ wrath, and spending quiet time with Bouldy. The Hermit is a card that urges us to take time to be alone with our thoughts and reflections and use that to become better people, which Sisyphus definitely has, because oh boy, he was a piece of work in life.

Wheel of Fortune - The Pool of Styx. This card represents the ever-shifting nature of our lives; sometimes, we are on top of the world, and then we fall and are crushed by the wheel, only to rise again. Fortune and misfortune are temporary. Is there a better symbol for RNG? That being said, I would have chosen The Fates for this if they were in the game, because they're very closely tied to this card, for obvious reasons.

Justice - Erinyes. Balance, fairness, cause and effect. Good things happen to good people, and similarly, bad things happen to bad people. The Furies punish the worst of mortal sinners for the crimes they've committed.

The Hanged Man - Hypnos. Sometimes, you can feel stuck in life, and you just have to ride it out and accept it and do the best you can. Think of Hypnos' running commentary whenever you get killed. "Have you tried not dying?" And, "My brother never talks to me". And he fell asleep on the job again, and he gets scolded all the time. But the little dude is happy to just hang in there, make his lists and vibe. He does his best with what he has and I love him.

Death - Thanatos. Obviously because of the card name, but beyond that I think this card really fits Thanatos' journey. Death is a card about change, a deep change that can be painful because of its magnitude but is often necessary, and brings with it a new beginning. I think Thanatos is forced to reassess a lot of things when Zagreus decides to leave, and the change he goes through as a result puts him in a better place by the end.

Temperance - Euridyce. Temperance is a card of calm and balance, and it is the last of the virtues in the tarot; together with Strength and Justice, it brings the virtue of Prudence, which is the highest Platonic virtue. Following after the upheaval of Death, Temperance is the reassurance that despite the changes, the core parts of ourselves, what makes us who we are, will remain throughout it all. Despite the challenges, we thrive. Do I need to copy-paste the lyrics of "Good Riddance" here or are we good?

The Devil - Achilles. I picture him in this card as the most raw version of himself, the angry and afraid self that clings to the most harmful influences on him. The Devil symbolizes oppressive forces in our life that we are nevertheless loathe to part from, such as addictions or toxic relationships or negative emotions. Achilles is chained by his pact to Hades, separated from the man he loves and the happiness that he could find there, but more than that he is chained by his fear. He is consumed by regret that Patroclus died because of him and would rather imagine Patroclus happy in Elysium than confront him and his own feelings. When he decides to "risk it all", he is breaking the chain of that fear.

The Tower - Orpheus. In the deck I saw on twitter, he was assigned to The Fool, and that would be appropriate for the Orpheus setting out to the Underworld to rescue his wife, but when the game starts we see an Orpheus that is broken, standing in the wreckage of the consequences of his actions. The Tower has fallen, taking with it everything that seemed true and reliable about oneself, and we are left to question who we are in the wake of that destruction. He loses his will to sing and is listless and depressed. He is too swept up in the pain of his failure to move forward.

The Star - Dusa. This card is a light in the darkness, a moment of encouragement to move forward in the wake of a catastrophe like the Tower. Dusa's bubbly manner always puts a smile on my face, and I think she's perfect for this card. There is also the reversed meaning, which is that sometimes you can lose track of yourself and you need some time to recenter yourself and decide what your next step should be, which happens to Dusa as well.  

The Moon - Patroclus. This is a card of reflection (look, he talks to himself a lot), and it can be a warning not to let yourself be led by your fears and anxieties. It's a card of dreams that encourages you to listen to your gut and not be swayed by the fears of others or your own. Very little is illuminated by moonlight, but we move forward even so.

The Sun - Cerberus. The best boy(s) is clearly a big source of joy for Zagreus, perhaps the most comforting constant in his life in the Underworld. The Sun brings warmth, a moment of joy and reprieve and the opportunity to bask in what makes you happy. If you don't pet Cerberus first thing after you return to the House of Hades, you're playing this game wrong.

Judgment - Zagreus and Persephone in the garden. As one part of the journey comes to an end, a higher purpose calls to you, and you should heed the call. That is why so often, in decks that borrow the imagery of the Rider Waite Smith tarot, this is depicted as people rising from their graves at the sound of the angels' trumpets. This is a card of consequences, of reaping what you have sown. At the end of his trials and tribulations, Zagreus finds his mother, but that is only the beginning. The road to reconciliation of all those problems is still open. (If you wanted to be funny with the rebirth themes in this card, you could just put Skelly here, for shits and giggles. That dude just keeps coming back, and he’s definitely receiving some of the energy he put out into the world if his eternal fate is to be a punching bag).

The World - The Olympian Feast. The World is the real culmination of the journey, where all the effort made so far pays off and brings a moment of contentment and completion. The Underworld and Olympus fixing their relationship over Hades' best wine feels like a good fit for this, aside from being the conclusion of the game's story.

[sebabestianstan101]

Suit and Tie - 002

Pairing: Ceo!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Synopsis: You’re good at your job as the Secretary in The White Wolf Enterprise for years now, with a great set of friends and co-workers and a really hot boss, James Buchanan Barnes. You have a pretty decent work-relationship with him, even if you have to use all of your strength and self-control to not jump on him at every chance you get. Nothing exciting is really going on with your life, until your boss himself decides to spice things up a bit.

Themes throughout the series: Smut, angst, fluff, slight dom!bucky x sub!reader (nothing too crazy..), swearing, there’s probably going to be more as the story progresses

SERIES MASTERLIST  Teaser 001 

“Thank you, Tony. It’s always a pleasure to work with you.” 

Both men stand as they shake their hands after discussing the partnership. As expected, it went well between the two. They knew each other since college and were great friends, and now, they’re good business partners. 

“Likewise, Barnes,” Tony says smiling before giving him a pointed look, “I’m expecting your attendance at my wedding. You better fly your ass there, or I’m withdrawing from this contract we just signed.” 

He actually can’t, but knowing Tony he’d probably do his magic and make it possible. Bucky chuckles and feigns nervousness as he pretends to wipe off his sweat. 

“Well, I guess I have no choice but to fly to Barbados!” He exclaims before laughing. You discreetly smile in your laptop at their friendship. You have noticed that Bucky is very relaxed around Tony and not tense like he was in the last meeting with Alexander Pierce. That meeting did not go well and that stupid proposal from Pierce went down the drain along Bucky’s approval. You carefully watch Bucky nod as Tony updates him with his fiancee, Pepper Potts, with a happy look on his face. However, you also notice a hint of longing in his eyes as Tony talks about the love of his life. 

That is the only thing Bucky is missing. A billionaire and a CEO of one of the top manufacturing tech companies all over the world is not as fulfilling as it sounds when he’s got no one to share it with. Sure, he’s sexually active and still finds time to get on with women;  women who only care for his body and his money. He doesn’t even remember half their names. 

He longs for a partner – a life-long companion that he can fall in love and start a family with. At 38 years old, he’s way past the idea of only living to work. He wants to continue working while settling down. As he thinks of this, his gaze inadvertently drops at you, smirking when he caught you already staring at him. 

Your heart skips a beat, eyes slightly widening before looking back at the screen. Shit, he saw you. Your cheeks heat up, fully aware that he’s still looking at you, and you start to type random letters to busy yourself. You hear Tony bid his goodbye signaling that he’s leaving. You look back up and give the other CEO  a smile which he returns. 

Bucky clears his throat, grabbing your attention which makes you look back at him. You unconsciously start chewing your bottom lip and hope that he doesn’t mention your staring because you will definitely die of embarrassment.

“So,” he clasps his hands together, walking towards you, “I’m sure you heard my conversation with Tony. His wedding is in a week which means that I’ll be flying to Barbados and will be gone for 4 days,” he pauses before looking at your lips that you’re still chewing on to which he internally groans at. His eyes snap back up before continuing, “So, uh, work still continues, yeah? It won’t be much of a vacation since 4 days is a lot.” 

You nod in acknowledgement while preparing to start jotting down his reminders which he usually gives when he’s leaving for a trip. Your fingers position along the keyboards before humming, urging him to continue. 

“Since I have another board meeting to discuss, I’m going to be needing assistance all throughout as well as immediate communication. Normally, I’d have Wanda course everything, but she just took her Maternity leave, as you know, so I’ll have direct contact with you instead.”

You nod once again and smile, as you think about your friend with her firstborn. It’s crazy how you're the same age, but are living very different lives. You, being much lonelier and single. 

“Alright, Mr. Barnes. I’ll make sure to keep my line on so there will not be any delays. You can count on me on that,” 

He gives you a look for a brief moment before letting out a laugh and shaking his head. You look up at him in confusion, trying to figure out what was funny. Is he messing with you or..?

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I –– I think you misunderstood me,” he paused giving you a softer look, “You’re coming with me.” 

You blink. Once. Twice. 

If your heart kept skipping beats earlier, now it completely stopped. Did you hear him right? Coming with him? To Barbados? What? 

“What?” You voiced out your thoughts staring at him, dumbly, “I mean –– what? Are you serious?” 

Bucky smiles at your stunned expression, noticing how he gets you to lose your composed, professional state in seconds. He finds your disbelief adorable  as if he suggested something crazy. Technically, he did, but being a CEO means that his normal is far different from others. 

“Maybe I should have led with that but,” he takes a seat on his desk across you, “you don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll have you covered. We leave on Sunday so you should already start packing if you must.” 

You blink at him once again, a bit overwhelmed with the surge of information. Sure, you’ve travelled before, but it wasn’t as spontaneous as this. Who the hell casually asks someone to fly to an island with him – to his friend’s wedding,  at 11am in the morning?

 Oh, right. Rich people. 

“For the wedding…” You trailed off realizing that this was a personal event and you wouldn’t want to intrude.  You see the corner of his lips subtly turn upwards and  how amused he is at how you’re taking in all this. It was sudden, yes, but he almost wants to tell you to start getting used to it. 

“You’re coming with me, if that’s alright. Tony doesn’t really mind, and he already knows you. As usual, he really goes all out with everything and his wedding has a bunch of… pre-celebration events, if you would call it. So, yes, you’re coming with.” 

You slowly nod, and your heart warms at the thought of attending one of his best pal’s wedding with him. There’s something so personal with it, and you want to pinch yourself for having these thoughts. Clearly, it’s a work thing. 

“Is that alright? I do apologize for overwhelming you, but I figured it would be better to tell you as soon as possible.” He cuts your thoughts off. 

You smile at him and nod. Of course it’s alright. First, he’s your boss so technically, you have to do as he says. Next, you’re going on a trip with him. To an island. At his friend’s wedding. What more could you ask for? 

“Absolutely. Thank you, Sir.” 

-

“To Barbados, Nat. Barbados!” You frantically rummage through your summer/tropical clothing right when you got home to see if there’s anything you may possibly need while your cousin casually rests on your bed. “Uh,” you glare, “a  little help, maybe?” 

Natasha rolls her eyes at your flustered state. As she is  naturally a laid back person, your whole life together has consisted of you panicking and her telling you to chill. She suspects that it has something to do with your upbringing, as your mom constantly pressured you even as a child. She also thinks about your ex who treated you like absolute shit for 3 years, but you didn’t have the courage to break up with him until you finally did. 

She wants to thank your boss for bringing excitement into your life. You’re a very fun person to be around, but she also knows how little you give credit yourself, let alone, have fun. Natasha cares for you so much that she’ll kill anyone who’ll hurt you. She would’ve killed your ex if you didn’t stop her. 

“Y/N. Take a breath. You really won’t find what you need if you keep throwing your clothes across your room.” She says as she glances at the mess you made. 

“You’re right,” you sighed, “the lack of planning and the spontaneity of this whole situation is making my mind go crazy.” You make your way to your cousin and lie down beside her as she gives you a hug. Nat is really like your big sister. You wouldn’t have learned how to suck it up if it weren’t for her. 

She rubs your back comfortingly before giving you a tight squeeze, “Everything’s gonna be fine, Y/N/N. We can make a list of the things you need and start from there. Think of it this way,” she smirks and wiggles her eyebrows, “you’re going to Barbados with your extremely hot boss that you’ve been crushing on for the longest time. You might actually get it on with him.”

You hit her with a pillow before groaning as you bury your face into one. Your stress came from the sudden trip, and another was really cause you were very excited for it. The thought of spending time with Bucky made your whole body tingle of excitement. 

“Shut up! If only..” 

“It’s true!” She exclaims smiling at you. She can feel you relax, probably realizing that it’s not as bad as you visioned. 

Then suddenly, you tense up when your phone rings and tense up even more (if possible) reading the Caller ID. 

“Oh my god, it’s Bucky.” Shit. You clear your throat and take a deep breath before answering, “Hello?” 

Natasha is impressed with the way you were able to compose yourself so quickly, when you were literally dying on your bed earlier. She thinks it’s because of how many times you’ve done it in the past.

“Y/N, hello! I just wanted to give you a heads up so you don’t get surprised, but I felt a little bad for overwhelming you earlier. I will have something delivered to you in awhile, so just expect that.” 

“Delivered..? Like.. I mean, is it like –” you were cut off by the buzzing of your doorbell which Bucky must have heard. 

“It’s just a little something to make up for the short notice. Bring it as you pack.” You can hear him smile through the phone making you smile as well even if you were a little confused. 

“Oh, okay. Thank you, sir, you really didn’t have to.” 

Through the phone, Bucky smiles at how sincere and polite you sound. Suddenly, he just feels the need to spoil you with gifts, but he’ll have to wait. 

“Please, I wanted to. Now go, I think my chauffeur is at your place with my gift. Before you wonder why I know where you live, I have the files of my employees so don’t worry.” He chuckles to which you laugh at. 

“I figured,” you smile widely, “I’ll go grab the package, Sir. Thank you again.” 

“It’s my pleasure.” He says before ending the call. 

You and Nat stare at each other in anticipation before she tells you not to keep his chauffeur waiting and get the package. You open the door and you are greeted by Bucky’s chauffeur, Thor.

“Hello, Ms. Y/N. I believe Mr. Barnes has already informed you of this package he has intended for you to receive.” He smiles warmly with two boxes on his hands. 

“Oh, wow, there are two?” Your eyes widen at the expensive looking boxes resting on his hands. He was a big guy, so the one of the boxes didn’t look as large but as it was being handed over to you, you have come to realize that it was massive. “Thank you, Thor.” 

He nods and smiles in acknowledgement and you see him give you a knowing smile before leaving. Natasha excitedly runs towards you pulling you to your living room. 

“Holy shit! Oh my god, wait, open it now.” 

You let out a nervous breathy laugh before unboxing them. You open the first and gasp as you lift up a muted ocean-colored dress with intricate detailing of sheer lace. 

“Holy shit.” You repeat as you gawk at the beautiful dress. It feels expensive (and obviously is) and you almost didn’t want to accept it. You open the other and are met with a pair of simple dangling earrings with a matching dainty necklace. You read the card along with it, in his handwriting, 

For the wedding. 

                                James 

You stare at Nat and she stares back, both of you astounded at what just transpired. You think that because he’s a billionaire, he probably doesn’t think that this is a lot to give to someone –– his employee, but it really is a lot for you. You’re in shock as you stare at his gifts. On cue, your phone gets a notification indicating that you received a text message from the person consuming your thoughts. 

1 New Message –– Mr. James Barnes: 

I hope you like it.

You stare at your phone before typing,

 Mr. Barnes, I truly appreciate your gifts, but I don’t think I can accept these..

You chew on your nails, anxiously looking at Nat who was anticipating his reply as well. In a matter of seconds you receive a message from him.

It’s really just a simple something, and they will look perfect on you. I expect to see you wear them – that’s an order from your boss. :) 

Your heart swells and your face breaks into a smile. Simple something my ass. 

003

A/N: Please send an as if you want to be tagged! As usual, feedback, comments, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated!  ++ requests open if anyone is interested. Keep safe, loves!

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