#they’re about moving forwards on to something new. they have a past. never cared much for each other then. didn’t see eye to eye.

[sentinelpri]

Self Conscious (NSFW)

Spring in Konoha has never truly existed. While today is the first day of the season, more than anything, it still feels like summer. It’s nothing new to Kakashi Hatake, who has lived in the village his entire life. He’s traveled enough to have experienced other climates, but he’s not too bothered by the ten month long stretches of blistering heat followed by only two months of pleasantly warm weather before it gets uncomfortably hot again. 

He lets out a sigh of relief when he walks into his apartment. The cool air washes over his sweaty skin as he shuts and locks the front door behind him.

Kakashi hears familiar footsteps against the wooden floor and looks to see you turning the corner from the hallway. 

“Hey, sweetie, how did physical therapy go?” You question.

“Fine enough,” Kakashi answers, then sighs. “Boring as always.”

Kakashi walks past you towards your shared bedroom. You follow close behind. He can’t help but notice that you’re wearing a tank top and shorts. He wants to tear them right off of you. However, there’s just one thing stopping him.

A healing hip.

Of all things… Roughly two months ago, he broke his hip on a mission. While incredibly painful and inconvenient, it didn’t require any surgery after Sakura worked on him, which he’s grateful for. What he’s not so grateful for are the weekly physical therapy sessions and the list of restrictions Tsunade has given him to follow while he heals; drink plenty of water, eat only healthy food, rest lots, and worst of all, no strenuous physical activity. 

What that means is no training, and worst of all for you and Kakashi, no sex.

Sure, the two of you can get off in other ways… But Kakashi misses it. As he watches you absentmindedly staring at yourself in the tall bedroom mirror, he wants it more than ever- wants you more than ever. He’s been wanting you so bad that he’s tried to seduce you a few times since the injury regardless of the restrictions he was given by medical personnel. Unsurprisingly, you care too much about him healing properly to let him have his way with you when he still has another month to go before he’s cleared to do anything. 

He sits on the edge of the bed and takes his shoes off, his one visible eye still trained on you. The straps of the tank top you’re wearing slide off of your shoulders. He can see the outline of your breasts and the stiff peaks of your hard nipples through the thin material of the shirt as the chill from the air conditioner blows over your bedroom. Your shorts tightly grip your hips and ride up to show your thighs.

“I’m glad it seems like you’re recovering well,” You grin and walk towards Kakashi so you can sit next to him. “I’m looking forward to next month when you’ll get your medical restrictions lifted.”

“Yeah, me too,” Kakashi looks you up and down before pulling his mask to let it fall loosely around his neck and wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer to him. “Come sit in my lap, pretty girl.”

You don’t hesitate- because just like Kakashi, the last two months have left you starved for touch- because even with kissing and cuddling and holding hands, the intimacy of sex is something that the two of you have missed desperately. 

You climb into Kakashi’s lap and put your knees on either side of his hips before leaning in and capturing his lips with your own. Kakashi kisses you back and tilts his head to deepen the connection. Your hands move up and down his body like they’re not sure where they want to go. Kakashi ends up grabbing them and pulling them until they’re gently resting on his neck, your small fingers wrapped around the pale skin, settled but not squeezing.

“Fuck, Kakashi,” You gasp, grinding your short-clad heat down against his stiffening cock and threading your soft fingers through his silver hair.

“I want you,” Kakashi breathes and practically tears your shorts from your body. There’s already a damp patch in the center of your white underwear as he circles your clit through the thin cloth with his fingers and uses his other hand to pull at your tank top. “Please, I need it. Let me have you.”

“You know we can’t,” You argue and break away from him to get off the bed. “You have to heal, Kakashi. Believe me- I want you, too, but I’d hate for two months of physical therapy and recovery on your end to be for nothing.”

Kakashi leans back onto the bed and huffs, his dick rock hard and aching for relief. His eyes flutter shut. 

“Okay.”

“I’m, uh,” You turn your back to Kakashi and go to the small drawer of your dresser to grab a vibrator. Then, you walk over to his side of the bed, press a kiss to his head, and start to walk the other direction. “I’ll just go take care of myself in the bathroom real quick.”

Kakashi sighs again. For the past two months, aside from the occasional oral, you two have hardly done anything- and any time you get yourself off, it’s either in another room or when he’s not home. At first, Kakashi didn’t mind too much, but he can’t help being curious… The two of you have been together for five years and you’ve never masturbated in front of him. Is it weird? He isn’t sure, as you’re his first serious romantic relationship. To him, though, it definitely feels weird. He’s even jerked off in front of you a few times and never thought anything of it.

You, however… Seem to be self conscious about it. 

Maybe he’s the weird one?

“Hey, (y/n),” Kakashi stops you by grabbing your hand.

You startle just slightly before turning to look back at him.

“Hm?” You hum.

“How come you never masturbate in front of me?”

“...Huh?” You tilt your head, a big blush taking over your (s/c) cheeks.

“I think you heard me.”

“Well, I guess I just-” You pause, refusing to look at Kakashi. “I don’t know, I never thought about it before.”

“Yeah?”

Silence… And not the comfortable kind that’s bound to happen between two people who have been together for five years. It’s the uncomfortable kind, the kind that happens when the two of you have an argument or an awkward discussion such as this. To Kakashi, sex isn’t awkward. With you, it never has been. Apparently, though, this aspect of it is awkward to you. The awkwardness is so palpable that Kakashi swears he can smell it in the air as you stammer over your words.

“I guess… I just feel like it’s weird?”

“Do you think it’s weird when I do it in front of you?”

“Well, no, but…”

“But what?”

“You know, with you looking the way you do, of course I wouldn’t mind,” You start to ramble. Your eyes dart between the bedsheets and the hardwood floors. “But you have the figure of a shinobi, and obviously, I don’t, so… I can’t help but be a little self conscious.”

“That’s all?” Kakashi asks, a small smile taking over his face. “I thought I’d done something or… Something. I don’t know.”

“No, you didn’t do anything. Don’t worry about it.”

You turn to walk away again, but before you can, Kakashi speaks up.

“Wait,” Upon hearing his voice, you stop to listen. “It’s important for you to know that I love you, and I’m still really attracted to you despite everything that’s been going on lately. You don’t ever need to be self conscious around me.”

“Oh… Well, that’s sweet of you to say, Kakashi.”

“It’s not me being sweet- it’s true. You’re beautiful,” Kakashi praises you, but he’s not an idiot. He can tell you don’t believe it; that you think he’s just trying to be nice or spare your feelings. Even after years of being with you, he has yet to make sense of why you’re so quick to brush off compliments. “I’ve never in my life wanted another ninja the way I want you.”

“Thank you,” You say with a sheepish smile. “You’re the best at making me feel better, but do you uh… Want me to…?”

“Want you to what?” Kakashi questions, raising an eyebrow. 

“Get myself off in front of you… Like you said,” You answer.

“Oh,” Kakashi blinks, then rushes to give you a good response before you get embarrassed and retract your offer. “Uh, yeah. I think I’d like it if you did, but you don’t have to if you’re not comfortable.”

“Okay,” You nod. “I think I’d like to try it soon.”

“Alright, but there’s really no pressure. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, and if we do decide to do it, you can stop at any time, and we can pretend it never happened.”

“Alright,” You say, but still, turn to the master bathroom with your vibrator in hand. “I’ll be right back… We can shower together after, okay?”

“Yeah… Sure.”

When you disappear into the other room, Kakashi sighs and pulls his pants down, wrapping a hand around the base of his length.

‘Another night of this… God, I miss her.’

~

The next day, while Kakashi is at a doctor’s appointment, you go on a shopping spree with some of your friends; Anko, Shizune, Kurenai, and Iruka. Your job as Anbu’s record keeper doesn’t pay an exorbitant amount, but it’s enough for you to comfortably support yourself and still be able to buy nice things, especially since you split your bills with Kakashi these days following his moving in with you.

So, when you pass by the nicest clothing store in Konoha’s shopping district and notice a beautiful (f/c) lingerie set on display in the window, you stop and look at it. 

The price is reasonable enough. It’s on sale, too.

You think back to last night; to that make out session with Kakashi and the awkward conversation that ensued. Maybe it would be nice for you to dress up for him since it’s been a couple months… You read something like that in one of his books once; the woman dresses up in a sexy outfit and sprawls out on the bed for the man to come home to. That seems right up his alley. Why not do it?

It’s a thought that makes you giddy at first, but then the doubt starts to creep into the back of your mind. What if it doesn’t look good on you? What if Kakashi’s turned off by it, or think it’s a stupid idea since the two of you can’t have sex right now? You want to try to please yourself in front of him like he mentioned… You’re just so terrified of him being unimpressed with you that you’re not sure if you can bring yourself to do it, even though he said he’d like it if you would.

You look around at your friends. They’re all shinobi with cut, perfect bodies, just like Kakashi. Beautifully slim waists, toned muscles, long legs, and so much talent. At times like this, you wonder why Kakashi is with a civilian record keeper like you instead of a beautiful kunoichi. You’re a good person, and you certainly don’t think you’re hideous or anything, but it’s difficult to maintain good self-esteem when you feel like you’re constantly surrounded by women who are more gorgeous than you.

Your eyes flicker to the lingerie set once more. You think about how you would look in it, versus how someone like Lady Tsunade would look in it… Obviously, a huge difference.

You’re not ridiculously out of shape- it’s impossible to be when you’re dating someone like Kakashi. Sadly, though, you don’t see yourself as a beautiful kunoichi either.

You frown.

What to do…

Kurenai interrupts your thoughts as she places a soft hand on your shoulder and speaks to you.

“What’s wrong, (y/n)?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” You give a dismissive wave with one hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure? It looks like there’s something on your mind.”

“It’s a bit silly, but… I want that lingerie set that’s on display.”

“Do you not have enough money for it?” Kurenai questions and stops to look at the display as well. Your cheeks burn red as the rest of the group notices and stops as well to gawk at the lacy garment. “I could pick it up for you.”

“Oh, no you don’t, Kurenai! You have a whole kid to take care of,” Anko objects and points to baby Mirai, who’s currently in Kurenai’s arms, babbling at the woman and trying to pull at her dark hair. “I’ll buy it for you, (y/n)!”

“No, no. As the most senior of the group and Lady Tsunade’s personal assistant, I make the most money out of all of us, so I should pay for it,” Shizune inserts herself into the conversation as well and reaches into her pockets to pull out a thick leather wallet.

“Why don’t I buy it?” Iruka offers.

“On a teacher’s salary?” Kurenai says with a quirked eyebrow, shaking her head. “I don’t think so, Iruka.”

“Hey, guys, I appreciate you all trying to help, but I have more than enough money to buy it,” You offer a nervous laugh, then stare at the ground, too embarrassed to meet the curious gazes of your friends. “That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is it?” Iruka turns his head to you and asks.

“I’m just scared it won’t look good on me.”

“You only live once,” Anko argues. “Go buy it or I’m buying it for you!”

“Yeah,” Kurenai agrees. “You’re beautiful, (y/n). (f/c) is a nice color on you, too, so I’m sure it’ll look great.”

“Okay, then… I guess I’ll go ahead and buy it for myself.”

Peer pressured by your friends, you trudge into the store and quickly buy yourself the set- even if you’re convinced you’ll never have the bravery to put it on in front of your lover. 

~

Later that night, you find yourself standing in front of the mirror with tears in your eyes. Kakashi is out with Guy, Asuma, Genma, and Ebisu, doing God knows what- though that’s not the problem.

Rather, the problem is the lingerie set you bought from that store earlier. You’re standing in front of your bedroom mirror with pretty makeup on your face, a sparkly choker around your neck, and your hair done. You look good from the neck up, but the lingerie isn’t working; the bra, the panties, the garters, the matching thigh highs… None of it works. Your sex toys are on the bed, waiting to be used. 

With how insecure you’re feeling right now, you’re sure you’ll end up taking all of this off- including the matching (f/c) nail polish, shoving the sex toys in the back in their designated drawer, showering, and crying yourself to sleep before Kakashi even makes it home. 

“Ugh, this is stupid. Why did I even do this?” You groan, unsatisfied with how the lingerie contours your body. Even though it’s your size, it doesn’t fit quite right. You hate the way it makes your butt look, it’s a little too tight around your hips, and the bra just sucks. No wonder it was on sale… You huff and take the choker off, then start to wipe the makeup from your face when you feel a set of large hands on your waist. The makeup wipe and choker both fall to the floor as you gasp in surprise. You glance at the mirror to see Kakashi standing behind you. “Kakashi! I didn’t hear you come in! When did you get home?”

“Hey, pretty girl,” Kakashi greets you and rests his chin on your shoulder. He completely ignores your question in favor of trailing his hands up and down your exposed body. “What’s all this for?”

“I, um…” With Kakashi appearing so suddenly, you feel caught off guard and are unsure of what to do, even as Kakashi spins you around and pulls you close to his chest.

“Did you dress up just for me?”

“Well, yeah, but it doesn’t look the way I wanted.”

“What do you mean? It looks great,” Kakashi drags his mask down his face and leans down to whisper into your ear at the same time he grabs your ass. “How nice to come home to this after the day I’ve had.”

“Yeah? Did you have a rough day?”

“It was just long. As much as I love them, going out with those guys can be so exhausting sometimes, especially after a doctor’s appointment… I’m really pent up because I just couldn’t stop thinking about you… And about last night,” Kakashi gestures back to the bed with a knowing smirk. “I see your toys out on the bed. Was that your plan?”

You blush from your head to the middle of your chest at Kakashi’s words. You were hoping to get changed and erase any evidence of your plan before he got home, but he actually seems… Pleased?

“Well, um-”

“It’s a simple question, (y/n),” Kakashi reaches for your chin and gently tilts it up to make you meet his gaze. “Give me a yes or no answer.”

“...Yes,” You whisper back.

“You were gonna surprise me, hm? What a good girl.”

“Y-Yeah,” You stutter. You’re unsure of where to put your hands, so you place them on Kakashi’s shoulders as you press a kiss against his neck. “Sorry I didn't finish getting ready before you got here.”

“Are you serious right now? Don’t apologize to me for this,” Kakashi laughs, then quickly shifts. His voice drops in pitch and lust glazes over his one visible eye. “Now, get on the bed.”

“Okay.”

You rush to follow Kakashi’s order so fast that you nearly trip over your own feet. You sit on the bed and crawl back with Kakashi following close behind.

“I know it’s been hard for you since I had my injury. Thank you for being so patient, but I don’t want you to have to keep waiting up on me, even if we can’t have sex for a little longer,” Kakashi reaches forward and rests a hand on your cheek, caressing you so tenderly that it makes your heart throb. “I want… To see and help make you feel good.”

“Kakashi, I don’t think it’s such a good idea-” You object, gesturing to his hip, but Kakashi simply shakes his head and sits beside you.

“I won’t do anything crazy, alright?” Kakashi argues as he hurriedly sheds his clothes. His forehead protector, dark blue undershirt, matching pants, face mask, and boxers are all thrown to the floor with haste. When Kakashi looks back at you, the intensity in his eyes has you swallowing a nervous lump in your throat that you didn’t even know was there in the first place. “I don’t think I can handle another night of you disappearing into the bathroom when I’m right here, dying to take care of you.”

“Then… What do you want me to do?”

“Show me how you like to touch yourself.”

And it’s a little awkward. Part of you is tempted to say no, to get embarrassed and back down, to retreat into the bathroom again. But when you look up at Kakashi’s eyes to see how excited he looks, you remember that he thinks you’re beautiful; that he wants this, wants you.

“Okay.”

You scoot back onto the bed, lay your head on the pillow, sprawl out, and reach between your legs with both hands. Your fingers on one hand toy with your clit, while the fingers on the other hand circle your slick entrance. Kakashi grabs your vibrator for you, turns it on, and pushes it into the hand in front of your clit. You take the gesture for what it is and rub your clit with the tip of the vibrator. A low noise leaves your lips as you tilt your head back and close your eyes.

“Look at me,” Kakashi commands, much to your embarrassment. You open your eyes and look up at his face with a pout. Pleasure starts to rumble low in your body like a base. “Good girl… Are you embarrassed?”

“A little,” You answer, but spread your legs a little more and start to fuck yourself with your fingers at a steady pace. 

“Don’t be,” Kakashi says as he grabs his dick by the base and works it until it’s fully hard. Your mouth waters- you wish he would just fuck you, but you know you can’t. “You’re so beautiful, especially like this… Do you see how hard I am for you right now?”

“Y-Yeah,” You breathe out, because you do. Kakashi’s cock is red and stiff, with precum at the tip and veins lining the length of it. “Want it inside me…”

“That’s too bad.”

Kakashi lightly smacks at your wrist, so you slide your fingers out of your pussy and look at him with curious eyes. He doesn’t speak to you, instead laying down, snuggling into your side, and moving a hand between your legs. He fills you back up immediately by sliding two fingers into your heat. The two are quickly followed by a third before he starts fucking you with them so deeply that the action draws a high-pitched moan from between your lips, which is quickly muffled by Kakashi kissing you.

It’s different from regular sex, or even just Kakashi eating you out. You’re used to his face squished between your thighs, buried in your neck, or staring at your back as he has you bent over; not right next to yours, staring, watching.

The noise in the room only contributes to your arousal; the wet squelch that comes from Kakashi’s digits pistoning into you, the low buzz from your vibrator against your clit, the hums and moans from Kakashi as he quickly moves his hand over his dick. A dribble of precum drips down onto your thighs, and you rub them together in excitement for what’s to come.

With Kakashi hitting your sweet spot and kissing you like he’s starving for you, you’re right on the edge, but there’s something stopping you from cumming like this. Your eyes flutter open and meet Kakashi’s. The tomoe in his Sharingan swirl; a sign that he’s trying to record this moment for himself. You realize that it’s the anxiety. A mental block. You’re so self conscious about being watched that it’s keeping you from finishing, because what if you make a weird face? Or a noise that turns him off?

You break away from Kakashi’s kisses to let out a frustrated groan.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, I’m-” You huff, dying for release. “I’m super nervous and it’s- it’s making me take way longer than I usually do to finish like this… I’m sorry if I’m taking too long.”

“Stop. You’re not taking too long at all,” Kakashi scolds you as he continues to pump his cock with one hand and thrust his fingers in and out of you with the other. “If you want to be good for me, you’ll cum, and I don’t care how long it takes... You can take all night if you want, pretty girl. It’s not that different from sex, okay? Take your time.”

You don’t do anything in response except to let out a needy whine, which seems to please Kakashi, who alternates between kissing your neck and tits. His approval- the lack of judgment, the admiration, the utter love and adoration- is what sends you over the edge as you dial your vibrator to the highest setting and arch your back. You cum with a loud cry and fall flat onto the bed. 

Your legs tremble and shake as you pull your vibrator away from your clit and jerk away from Kakashi’s fingers. He’s kind enough to gently slide them out as he paints your thighs white with his cum, his face buried in your neck and your name leaving his lips like it’s a mantra. You pull him close and press a kiss into his sweat-dampened hair. Your eyes flutter open and shut as Kakashi continues to kiss at your neck, worshiping you even after the both of you have finished.

“Kakashi?” You start.

“Hm?” He hums and pulls away from your neck to glance up at you with one charcoal eye and one ruby red one. “What is it, (y/n)?”

“Did you really like that, or did you only want to do it because you thought I’d like it? You know, since we haven’t been able to have sex?”

“Mah, you always overthink everything,” Kakashi grumbles and sits straight up on the bed. “I did it because I thought you’d like it and because I knew I’d like it. It’s like I said before; you’re beautiful. Can you blame me for wanting to watch you a bit?”

Even with Kakashi’s sweet words, you can’t help feeling self conscious… But tonight has made you feel a little better. You don’t know how to respond, so instead, you reach for Kakashi’s hand and hold it within your own.

“Why don’t we go shower and change the sheets?” You ask, gesturing to the wet spots on the bed from what the two of you have just done. “We’re kind of a mess.”

“Sure,” Kakashi answers, standing up and heading towards the bathroom. Before he enters the room, he turns to look at you over his shoulder. “But don’t be surprised if a shower leads to a round two.”

With that, he’s gone into the bathroom, and you can’t help but laugh as you get up and follow after him.

[thegreatcaptainusopp]

Equivalent Exchange

Ao3 link

Summary: Usopp hears the news about the Merry. Instead of getting angry, he gets quiet. It doesn’t get better. Water 7 AU

“The Going Merry can’t be repaired any further.”

Time slows down.

Usopp feels himself breathe in slow motion (one-two-one-two) as the crew turn as one in his direction, waiting to see how he reacts. He sits with the feeling, letting it grow and fester, sensing the tension and fear ratchet up amongst the rest of them. Sees Luffy’s face, pulled taut and as serious as he’s ever seen it.

The anger grows.

But-

You’re lying, he shouts, struggling against the large hands holding him. You’re lying! You gave up!

That won’t work. He needs to save Merry. He needs to find something that works. And he’s not going to be able to do that if he gives in to the anger. It’s not what she needs.

We did everything we could. Sometimes, there’s nothing you can do.

“Okay,” Usopp says, tone as flat as he can make it. “Okay. How can we be sure? Who told you this? Can we trust their opinion?”

Nami’s face screws up. “Usopp…” She says softly.

He doesn’t look her way.

“Experts,” Luffy responds. He’s giving him a look Usopp has never seen on Luffy before: a mix of weary and nervous. “Guys who know what they’re talking about. There’s too much damage.”

“Have you gotten a second opinion?” Usopp asks. “That’s what people do, you know. They get second opinions, when it’s something this serious. Have we done that?”

Luffy’s eyes tighten. Ooops. That was probably too bitter.

Whatever. They want him to be okay with getting rid of Merry? They’ll survive a little bitterness.

“Usopp,” Sanji steps in now. “They gave us an explanation. They said that she’s too damaged, end of story. She can’t continue, she’ll literally break apart.”

“Okay,” Usopp says. “I heard that part. What specifically, though? What exactly is wrong with the Merry and why can’t they fix it?”

He sees Sanji throw a glance back at Nami, who takes a careful step forward herself. Luffy stays where he is, pinning Usopp with a hard, staring look. “Usopp,” Nami says, voice stuttering out in uncertainty. “It’s to do with the keel. It’s broken, which means the ship is unfixable. It’s done.”

Usopp breathes in, then out again. He looks down at his knees. “The keel,” He repeats, head spinning.

It’s in her blood…there’s nothing we can do now.

He grits his teeth. “Did we ask someone else?” He asks. “I get…I get these are experts. But we need that second opinion I mentioned, right? Right?”

Usopp lifts his head up and almost flinches back: Luffy had moved, unheard, in the time that he hadn’t been looking, and is now standing almost right in front of him. His arms are crossed, and his stare is just as piercing, but less sharp. “I made the choice,” Luffy says firmly, but not sternly. “She can’t keep going. And we can’t hurt her, or ourselves, by making her do it.”

You know…she’s at peace now. It’s alright.

Usopp feels the heat of angry determination crawl up his neck and settle on his cheeks. No, he says, past and present. No.

How does he fight against this final decision? Luffy won’t budge, he knows that, and nobody else seems like they’re going to help…

It’s your turn, Usopp realizes. You need to make the sacrifice. That’s the only way this is going to work.

Usopp shifts, uncrossing his legs, rising up to his knees. “I understand,” He says, steeling himself. It’s not about you. “But-”

And, before he can talk himself out of it, he leans forward, head touching the ground. The wood is cool, but it burns across his forehead.

He feels rather than hears the chorus of gasps, of sharp inhales, that echo through the crew. “Please,” He says, cursing the wobble at his voice at the word. “Give me some time. I’ll find a second opinion, I’ll give the Merry a second chance. You won’t have to do a thing, I’ll take care of all of it myself. Just. Give me time. Let me try this. Please.”

The silence is the loudest thing he’s ever heard. Faint tremors run up his arms, through his aching knees. The wood below his forehead burns hotter.

It’s his last play. Please, he echoes, inside this time. Please.

“Okay.”

Usopp’s head jerks off the floor, gaze immediately landing on his captain. Luffy’s face has changed entirely: eyes wide, head cocked to the side, voice soft. “Okay, Usopp. But I can’t give you a lot. We need to get out there, keep going. So. Two days. And then, come and tell me, okay? If you’ve succeeded or not.”

Usopp leaps up to his feet so quickly that stars dance against his vision. “Thank you!” He gasps out, and turns to run out the room. He doesn’t have much time. “I’ll be back soon.”

He doesn’t look at anyone else’s faces. He doesn’t want to know how they’re looking back at him.

-

Usopp runs into the night.

He doesn’t have a destination, at first—he just goes, blood pumping, lungs burning, gasping out for breath. He doesn’t know how long it takes before he can’t go any longer, and stumbles to a stop, leaning against a wall so he doesn’t collapse to the ground. His body hurts so badly.

He puts his face in his hands. What am I gonna do?

He’s the Merry’s last chance. He can’t afford to stand here, doing nothing. He has to make this work.

Usopp pushes himself off the wall, looking around to try to get his bearings. “Plan,” He mutters to himself. “Plan, I need a plan…”

Okay. Step one: get a second opinion. Should be easy, right? In this city of shipbuilders, surely someone will be able to help him figure this out, even at this time of night? All he has to do is approach a shopfront and—

Oh. No money.

Usopp looks at the bustling city, deep in thought. He doesn’t have any money, so he’s not going to be able to hire anybody to take a look at the Merry. That’s…that’s a problem. A big problem.

And whose fault is that? Echoes in his head. Who’s the idiot who lost the money?

Usopp shakes the thought away. No money, so he’s going to have to get some. And to get some…he knows some tricks, some street magic, but that’s not going to get more than a few berry and not nearly enough to afford a shipbuilding consult, let alone a repair team…

He doesn’t know the city well enough to know where else to go to make some quick cash. So, solutions. What else? What else can he do?

She needs medicine, and you need to give her the right foods, but it’s going to cost you…

Usopp feels his heart start racing again, so he just moves, hoping the walk will give him some balance. If not money, he’s gonna have to see if he can get someone who can help him for free. But who would do that, and why? They don’t know anyone here, and nobody owes them anything—

At this, Usopp stutters to a complete stop, eyes widening. Oh.

Well. That isn’t quite true, is it?

He looks around. What was once a foreign place is starting to look familiar, store fronts and docks look recognizable, and he realizes he’s been here before. His body had naturally led him to a direction he’d already been, giving him a plan before he’d even realized it.

This is stupid, he thinks, vaguely hysterical, as the plan solidifies in his head. This is so so stupid. I’m gonna get myself killed.

It’s for Merry. It’s for a crewmate. At this scale? It’s going to take a sacrifice to make sure she gets better, and he’s the only one who’s willing to do it. And, well. He’s responsible too, and he needs to make sure he fixes his mistakes.

Soul for a soul, he thinks, looking out at the crowd, past the people, out into the distance. Equivalent exchange.

And, only shaking a little bit, he goes forward.

-

Usopp hits his first roadblock rather quickly.

Where there used to be a large building, constructed haphazardly but solidly, is now a pile of debris. The place has been razed to the ground, bits and pieces scattered everywhere, unrecognizable. There’s a crowd standing around, but it’s starting to thin, the novelty of the sight clearly starting to wear off. It’s a recent enough event to draw onlookers, but not new enough to keep them.

Usopp just stares. This…this is…

Why didn’t they tell him? Why…?

Well. They didn’t really have time to bring it up, but still.

Because there’s only one reason that the Franky family’s hideout has been reduced to rubble in the matter of a few hours. There’s only one group of people that could’ve done that and would’ve had a reason to do that between then and now.

He feels tears prick at his eyes. For me?

So they get it. They have to, having done this. So why couldn’t they wait for Merry? Why, when given the option, would they fight for him but not for her? He isn’t even the one that carries them all day, every day!

He shakes his head. He doesn’t have time for this. And, while grateful that his crew would go to these lengths for him, it’s going to make everything a lot more complicated.

Usopp doesn’t have another choice, though. And so he goes forward, pushing through the crowd, looking for a familiar face, until-

Ah.

A large man with an unbuttoned red shirt and blue hair is standing despondently at the edges of the debris. He stares at the mess, arms at his sides, shoulders and head bowed.

Not the best time, but well. He doesn’t have a choice.

Gritting his teeth, Usopp makes his final push, stumbling out the edge of the almost-dispersed crowd into the debris proper. He makes his approach, darting his eyes left and right to check if anyone else from the group is still there, but there are no familiar faces.

“Hey,” He says, voice emerging more quietly than he’d anticipated. The man doesn’t turn.

Usopp clears his throat. “Hey!” He says, louder now.

This time, the man whirls around, coming face to face with Usopp. He looks up (and up and up) at the man, nerves rising at his sheer size.

The man frowns over his sunglasses. “Who’re you?” He asks, staring at Usopp. “You look familiar, have we-?”

He looks toward Usopp’s body, taking in the bandages and the swelling and the injuries, and then back up to settle on his face. The man’s eyes go wide. “You?”

Usopp crosses his arms. “Me,” He says. “Look, before you say anything…”

“What are you doing here?” The man says, seemingly baffled. “Isn’t it enough that your friends did…this?” And here, he gestures to the ruins around him. “Why are you back here? And alone? Are you stupid?”

This is very much not where Usopp expected this conversation to go. “No!” He says, slightly offended. “Just listen, okay? I’m here to—”

“If it’s the money you want, it’s gone,” The man interrupts him. “There’s nothing here for you now. Look, there’s nothing I want more right now than to get revenge for what happened here but frankly I don’t have the energy to start a war with your crazy friends at the moment. Just leave, and I’ll forget you ever came.”

“No,” Usopp says, feeling the opportunity start to slip from his fingertips. “No, it’s nothing like that. Just listen to me, okay? Please.”

The man almost seems to do a double take. “What?” He asks. “What do you want?”

He’s listening, Usopp thinks, almost awed. “Are you a shipwright?” He asks. “And are you any good?”

“Am I—” The man’s eyebrows shoot up into his blue hair. “Of course I am! And am I good?” He puffs his chest out, strangely silly for his general demeanor. “I’m the best.”

That’s exactly what Usopp had wanted to hear. “Excellent,” He says. “Okay. I want to hire you, then. For a shipwright job.”

The man stares at him for a beat, then another. Usopp’s nerves rise, but before he can open his mouth again, the man throws back his head and laughs.

“You want to what?” The man asks, bellowing laughter echoing across the debris. “What, you’re gonna give me the rest of your money? After everything that happened here?”

“Well,” Usopp says, trying not to fidget anxiously. “Not really. You’ve already been paid. That money you took? Advance payment for this job. You do this, we’re all good.”

The man’s laughing cut off abruptly. “Oh?” He asks, amusement slowly fading out of his voice. “You don’t think that this,” He gestures at the ruins around him. “was revenge enough for that money? I’d say we got paid back for that, and in spades.”

“No,” Usopp says, crossing his arms and wincing as they press into his wounds. “Your house was payback for this,” and he gestures towards his injured body. “The money was for a job. You guys broke me so you got something broken back. You got money? You owe me a job for that. Just a job. And then you’ll be good to go.”

“I owe you?” And here the man’s voice turns dangerous, and Usopp swears internally. He’s losing him. “Look around you and tell me if I owe you. In fact, tell me why I don’t owe you another beat down right now, and I might let you go this time.”

Shit. Well, he’s in it now, so he might as well go for it. Merry, he thinks, and that’s enough to keep him from running.

“Look,” Usopp says. “Let’s look at this logically, okay? It makes sense. Hurt for hurt, right? You hurt me, they hurt you. We paid you, you pay us in work. It just makes sense. And, you’re right, I get it. Is this the smartest thing to do? Probably not. And the fact that I could only think to come here for help means that I really need it.”

The man backs down, but still looks confused. “Yeah,” he says. “What could possibly have led you back here like this? What’s the job?”

“Our ship,” Usopp says, barely holding back from pleading. “She’s a great ship. Carried my crew and I a long way, and really well too. She’s protected us for so long, and she needs some protecting back. Someone told us she was unfixable, and I need to make sure we try everything. That’s the job. Will you take a look?”

The man scratches his head. “Well,” He says. “Sounds like a super ship, but I have to be honest with you here. All of this damage? It costs way more than what I took from you. In so many ways. It’s not gonna cover a look at your ship. If you want that, too? It’s gonna cost you an arm and a leg, at the very least.”

Usopp’s head spins. “Look,” He says, “I don’t have—”

“Then we’re done,” The man says, crossing his arms. “I’ll let you leave, but I don’t want to see you around here again.”

No. This is his only shot, he can’t do anything else…

An arm and a leg, huh?

Usopp takes a breath, then another. Sacrifice, he thinks. The sacrifice has to match the outcome. Equivalent exchange.

He said he’d do anything, right?

“Okay,” Usopp says. “Fine.”

“Fine what?” The man asks, frowning. “You leaving?”

“No,” Usopp says. He carefully orients himself, then lowers himself to sit on the ground, amongst the rubble. “Arm and a leg, right? Okay. Let’s do it. You want both? I said okay.”

The man actually takes a step back. “What?” He asks, disbelief in his voice. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t have money,” Usopp says, and his body is shaking now. “But I have an arm and a leg. If you want that, go ahead. You can take them right now. But you have to look at my ship after that. And I mean right after. I don’t have time. You’re my only shot, or we have to leave her behind. I was only given two days to make this happen.”

“You’re crazy,” the man says, shaking his head. “What do you mean? You want me to saw off your limbs for this ship? Are you serious?”

“I’m serious,” Usopp says. He holds out a trembling arm. “Come on. You have an axe or whatever? You gonna do this here?”

“No,” the man says, stepping back. “You’re serious. I’m not taking those, kid! It’s a figure of speech. I’m not cutting you into pieces, why would I do that? No way!”

Usopp shrugs. “I know,” He says. “But this is what I have. And if that’s going to convince you—”

He cuts himself off as the man wraps a large hand around his raised arm. “No!” He says, and pulls Usopp to his feet. “Stand up, kid. Holy shit. Fine, you’ve convinced me. I get it. Just…okay, fine. Take me to this ship, okay? I want to see what could’ve caused you to do this.”

Usopp blinks up at him. “Really?”

“Yes,” the man says almost exasperated. He pushes Usopp forward. “Come on, let’s go. Before I change my mind.”

Usopp’s mind spins. He feels vaguely nauseated. “Thank you,” Is all he can think to say, stumbling forward. “Thank you.”

“Don’t…well. Don’t mention it seems crazy for this situation.” The man says, following after him. “But, what the hell. I like crazy. I’m Franky, by the way. Nice to…meet you? Again?”

Usopp can’t help but let out a crazed giggle. “Franky,” He repeats. “Hi. I’m Usopp.”

-

The walk back to the Merry is…strange.

Usopp is riding the high of a successful plan, and the adrenaline of almost losing a couple of limbs (oh my god why did I do that oh my god I might have just saved Merry) and so finds that the first part of their journey passes in a blur of repeating street corners and crowds. As the adrenaline fades, though, and the aching in his body returns tenfold, his fear grows. What if this Franky decides to ditch halfway through the trip back? He can’t have that.

He slows down a little to make sure he’s level with the shipwright. “Hey,” He says, trying to ignore the pain in his body. “So. The Merry’s main problem is the keel, just so you know. It’s damaged.”

Franky frowns. “I see,” He says. “That’s a rough one, but I won’t be able to give you an answer til I see it. The keel, huh? Your Merry’s been through some things, I can tell.”

Usopp can’t help the wobbly smile that crosses his face. “She has,” He says. “You won’t believe everything she’s been through, it’s amazing.”

“Yeah?” Franky says. “Like what?”

And once Usopp starts, he doesn’t stop. He ends up monopolizing the rest of the walk back, tripping over his words, explaining every step of their journey with the Merry thus far in every detail she deserves. He doesn’t feel the rest of the time pass until he blinks and realizes he’s looking at the ship herself, and the familiar, comforting sight of her figurehead.

“That’s her,” Usopp says, pointing in her direction. His voice is raspy from all the talking. “That’s the Merry.”

He looks anxiously to the side, suddenly worried if he’s scared off the ship’s last hope. But Franky is still there, and he doesn’t look annoyed or irritated. Just…ready.

“Huh,” And here, Franky, lifts the sunglasses from his face, meeting the figurehead’s gaze directly. “Nice to meet you, Merry. Let’s see what we can get done here.”

Usopp takes a shallow breath. The aches in his body hit him all at once, and all he wants to do is sit down. But he can’t. “Okay,” He says. “Follow me, I’ll show you where the damage is.”

He leads Franky around the side, noting the quiet darkness of the ship. The rest of the crew are either wandering the city, or are asleep inside the ship. Either way, it shouldn’t be a bother for them if they—

He stops abruptly.

There, reclining on the mast’s base, arms behind his head and legs crossed, is Zoro. He’s usually napping like this, but he isn’t now. Instead, his eyes are open, glinting in the city light. His stare is locked unblinkingly on the two of them, Usopp and Franky, and he stays completely still.

Strangely, illogically, Usopp feels a chill of fear run up his spine.

“Zoro,” He stutters. “Hi. I, um, I just brought,” He points behind him, finger shaking. “He’s going to give us a second opinion on the ship.”

He doesn’t think Zoro recognizes who Franky is (and he won’t say his name, just in case), but he still holds his breath. The fear only grows as Zoro uncrosses his legs and sits up in one fluid motion.

Zoro’s eyes dart from Usopp to the man behind him and stay there. “Hm,” He says. “You sure found someone quick.”

Usopp’s laughter sounds nervous even to his own ears. “Yeah,” He says, scratching the back of his head. “Well, you know. We’re in shipwright territory, so. That worked out for us.”

He tries not to quail back as Zoro’s eyes leave Franky to rest back on him. His eyes narrow as he frowns, examining him further. “Everything good?” He asks.

“Yes!” Usopp answers too abruptly, too quickly. “Yeah. We’ll just. We’ll just take a look now, okay? Be back in a bit.”

He takes off, rounding the corner and around the dock area to the ship’s other side. The adrenaline has kicked back in, the pain in his body a forgotten memory.

He breathes out as he leaves Zoro’s sight, Franky close behind him. “What was that?” Franky asks, soon as they’re out of earshot. “What’s going on there?”

Usopp tries to slow his breathing. “Nothing,” He snaps. “That’s my crewmate. He doesn’t know who you are so we better keep it that way. To keep the peace.”

“Fair enough,” Franky says. “But was that all? You seemed…I don’t know. I saw the shit get beaten out of you and you were less scared than you were just then.”

Usopp does not want to talk about this. He can barely even begin to explain it himself. “No I wasn’t,” He says, then points to the ship. “Anyway. Here we go. What do you think? What can be done?”

Franky fixes him a look, but doesn’t comment. “Alright,” He says, taking off his sunglasses and placing them on the ground. “Keel, you said?”

“Yeah,” Usopp replies, as Franky sheds his open shirt next to the glasses. “It should be near the—”

He’s interrupted by a splash as Franky jumps right into the water, droplets landing on his face and clothing as the man sinks below the surface. “Showoff,” He mutters, carefully gathering himself before dropping to the ground, cross legged.

Waiting is always the worst part, so he tries not the think about it, tapping his fingers against his knee, trying to establish a rhythm…

How long? Well, you’re going to have to wait a little longer. You know how these things go. We can’t give you a clear answer on her condition until-

Usopp shakes his head, trying to force all thoughts from his head. He counts backward from a 1000 in threes, 1000, 997, 994, 991…

His concentration is disrupted when a a splash sounds from below, Franky bursting out the water in a single movement. He’s silent, swimming up to haul himself back to the dock, which causes Usopp’s skin to break out goosebumps. Not good…

Franky plants himself next to Usopp. “There’s no easy way to say this,” He begins.

There’s no easy way to say this,

“…but she’s dead.”

But she’s dying.

Usopp freezes. “What do you mean?” He asks, heart pounding.

“Just that,” Franky says grimly, wiping the water off his torso with his wet hand. “Whoever you got to look at the ship before was right. It’s a miracle she got you this far, honestly. There’s damage, and then there’s this. I’m sorry to tell you this, but she’s gone. Even I can’t fix her, and I’m the best there is.”

Usopp screws his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Pull yourself together. He chants. Pull yourself together.

“Okay,” Usopp rasps, wobbling back up to his feet. “Fine. Thanks for coming to take a look. I’ll just…do you know anyone else I can ask? Just, for, you know. A second opinion?”

“Thought that was me,” Franky says, standing up with him. He tugs his shirt back on.

“Third opinion, then,” Usopp says, turning to make his way back. “Til I find someone who can help. I don’t have much time, so sorry I can’t say a proper bye or anything, I’ll just—”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Franky blocks his path, then slides his sunglasses back into place. “Nobody’s going to be able to fix this, she’s gone. Best you can do is give her a graceful exit.”

End of life care is all you have available right now…

Usopp grits his teeth. “I have two days,” He says. “I’m going to do everything I can in those two days. I’m not giving up on her.”

“This isn’t helping her,” Franky says, unmoving. “You said she carried you all the way here, right? It’s your turn to carry her out. If you don’t, she will break and take you with her. How do you think she’ll feel if that happens? Let her go.”

“Who says?” Usopp says, and, oh, there’s the anger again. “You? Them? We don’t know for sure, not til we try, not til I do everything I can to-”

“Sometimes, that isn’t enough,” Franky says, still unmoving. “You think she wants this?”

“YES!” Usopp shouts, then gulps down air. Calm down. Calm down. “She…she spoke to me, I heard her. Her spirit spoke to me. She fixed herself. She wants to live! How can I-how can I not help her live?”

Franky cocks his head. “Her spirit? Like her Klabautermann? She showed herself to you?”

Usopp laughs without humor. “I guess. And yes, she did. She said she wanted to carry us further, and-”

“Oh,” Franky says softly, and are those tears in his voice? “Oh, she really does love you. But, listen. I don’t know you from the next guy, but I know about ships. And look, she’s—”

Usopp can’t do this anymore. “Thank you for your help,” He sidesteps around Franky, sets off back towards the front of the ship. “But as long as I have the ability and the time, I’m going to do everything I can. It’s the least I can do. I won’t leave her behind just ‘cause she’s not useful anymore.”

He’s said too much, but he can’t help it. There’s no time, anyway. He’s wasted too much already.

He hears a small “hey” behind him but he just hurries forward, hoping it’ll take him in front of Zoro’s sight again. If needed, he can mention Franky’s name in front of him, that oughta get Franky out of there real quick…

He slows down as he approaches the side of the ship, seeing a new light source on the deck. Zoro’s still there, but Sanji is now too, lighting up a cigarette. It seems like there’s a tail end of quiet conversation between them, which in itself shocks him so much that he almost stops in his tracks.

“…and he’s looking at it now,” Zoro says, tone quiet.

“At least he’s back,” Sanji says, grim around his cigarette. “Robin-Chan is still-”

Sanji lifts his head and makes eye contact with Usopp, causing him to stop mid-sentence. “Oi,” He says. “Usopp. Any news on the ship?”

Usopp shakes his head as the conversation registers. “Robin?” He asks, heart racing. “What about Robin? What happened?”

Sanji’s exchanges a quick glance with Zoro before looking back at him. “Robin-Chan’s—” He cuts himself off, eyes narrowing. “Who’s that?”

Usopp looks back to see Franky approach close behind him. “Oh he’s…he’s a shipwright who was looking at the Merry for us. What about Robin?”

“She’s missing,” Sanji says, breathing out cigarette smoke. “We’ll look for her again in the morning, but for now, we don’t know where she is. It’s been…a rough day, I can tell you that much.”

Usopp’s head spins. “Why wait?” He asks, rocking on the balls of his feet. “If she’s missing, let’s go find her.”

“We will,” Sanji says. “But we need to be ready to go get her a full strength, so everyone’s asleep right now.” He casts a critical eye at Usopp. “You should too. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“No,” Usopp says, shaking his head. “There’s still…I need to go look for a shipwright. I’ll look tonight and go with you guys to look for Robin tomorrow.”

Sanji frowns. “What,” He says, inclining his head towards Franky. “This guy wasn’t good enough?”

“Hey!” Franky snaps, and Usopp practically feels him puff up in indignant anger. “I’m the best around! The ship, though, is unfortunately—”

“He can’t fix it,” Usopp interrupts. His vision’s turning a little spotty, so he rubs at his eyes. “So I’ll keep looking til I find someone who can.”

“Oi, Usopp,” He hears Zoro’s voice as he blinks his sight back. “You’ve been out for hours, you should probably—”

“I only have two days,” Usopp glares at his crewmates. “And if we need to help Robin too, I need to use all the time I have to fix the Merry.”

Zoro’s eyes tighten. “You won’t help Merry if you pass out,” He says.

“Luffy gave me two days,” Usopp repeats. “And I’m going to use them. If I pass out I’ll wake up again and keep going.”

Zoro sighs, but doesn’t move further. “Your choice,” He says. “But when the two days end, I’m dragging you back. No arguments.”

“What kind of crew are you guys?” Franky says, amazed, behind him. Usopp sees Zoro and Sanji tense as one, ready to fight back.

That’s not good. “Hey,” Usopp says, raising his arms, “Wait…”

A loud scream in the distance interrupts him, and he almost jumps out of his skin. “What’s—”

He jumps again as more shouting and screaming joins the fray, chaos seemingly spreading across the city. An alarm sounds in the distance.

Zoro and Sanji are both up on their feet, tense and ready to fight. “What the hell is that?” Sanji asks, bewildered.

Franky looks similarly ready to go. “City emergency alarm,” He responds. “Something’s happening…something bad.”

Nami stumbles out on the deck, still in sleep clothes, followed closely by Chopper and Luffy. “What’s going on?” She asks, frantic.

Groups of people are now starting to run in a panic around the docks, shouting various phrases, getting their things together. Shortly, a word gets repeated, shared across the docks, reaching the Merry…

Franky stares at them, eyes wide. “Are they saying Iceburg?”

-

“We’re getting Robin back,” Luffy proclaims.

He says it like how he says everything: like he means it, deep in his bones. It’s not a plan, it’s a promise.

Usopp nods, glancing around at the rest of the crew, all of whom sport identical grim expressions. Even Franky is there, tagging along through his connection to current events. Sanji, however, is still out doing some mysterious errand, with no word on when he’ll come back.

Usopp grips tightly at his newly constructed weapon. It’s a hell of a time for a test drive. “We storming the building?” He asks. “To get Robin?”

Luffy nods. “Yeah,” He says. “If we can’t find her, someone there will know where she is.”

Usopp looks to the side. “Franky,” He says. “You sure you’re okay with coming?”

He knows the instant he’s said it that he’s made a mistake. In all the chaos and running and worry, Franky’s name had never been said. Until now.

Everyone explodes into motion right away.

“Franky?” Chopper cries, shocked, and Usopp feels a strong arm grip his bicep and pull him back. He sees Nami, on Franky’s other side, get yanked back with him.

He stumbles back, and looks up to be greeted with the sight of a straw hatted head, placed firmly in front of him. “Franky?” And it’s Luffy now, quietly dangerous. “This is Franky? The same guy from earlier? That Franky?”

Oh, this is bad. This is bad.

“Wait,” Usopp says, struggling against Zoro’s grip on his arm. “Hey, wait. Don’t…”

He leans to the side, around Luffy, to see Franky back up slowly, arms raised. “Whoa, bro, hang on…”

Luffy raises an arm. “Hey, you,” He says, drawing it back. “You hurt my crew member?”

Usopp yanks again, but Zoro is unmoved. Oh no oh no oh no…

The situation is slowly leaving his control and Usopp can’t take it, he needs to do something, he needs to-

“Luffy, STOP!” Usopp yells, much louder than he ever expected. “STOP IT!”

Luffy freezes in place. Slowly, his head turns around, a perfect 180 degrees that will never stop being unnerving, to look at Usopp. “Huh?” He asks, bewildered. “Is this not the same guy?”

“Lemme go, Zoro,” Usopp hisses in response, and at Luffy’s nod he suddenly finds himself free. He ducks around Luffy to stand between him and Franky, arms out, shielding. “It is,” He says. “It’s the same guy. But, he’s—”

“Then lemme beat him up!” Luffy says, putting his hands on his hips. “He beat you up, right?”

“Yeah,” Usopp says, exasperated. “But he’s cool! He wanted to help fix Merry when I asked. And he’s coming with us to help Robin! Plus you already burned down his house so I think we should just forget the whole thing and-”

“Wait,” And that’s Nami, horror dawning across her face. “Fix Merry? Usopp…Usopp, did you deliberately look for this guy to fix Merry? Like…you went to him on purpose? Alone?”

Usopp grits his teeth. “It doesn’t matter,” He says. “Look. We still have Robin to save, and Merry. Let’s just do that and then we can talk about this even though it’s stupid.”

“We should go save Robin,” Luffy says, frowning, “And if you say he’s cool then I guess he is, but…”

“But what?” Usopp says. “Let’s just go! We don’t have time.”

Nami shakes her head. “Of all the reckless, stupid things to do…”

“Hey!” And that’s Franky now, behind him. “It may have been reckless, but he was really brave! He really loves your ship, was willing to literally let me lop off an arm and a leg to save her.”

Usopp winces at the silence that follows that pronouncement. “You what?” Chopper yelps. “You were going to…in your condition?”

“Usopp…” Luffy says, and there’s a look on his face Usopp has never seen before. He feels so, so guilty at being the one to put it there. “Why would you…I know she’s part of the crew but you can’t just…”

“You idiot.”

The absolute venom in the statement is enough to stop everyone in their tracks. Zoro is glaring at him like he’s a total stranger. “You know what? I don’t understand you. You’re cautious and smart most of the time and then other times it’s like you haven’t changed from when we met you. You only decide to be ridiculously fucking stubborn when you know you can’t win and you don’t even care. What the fuck is your problem?”

Usopp feels like he’s been punched in the gut. The anger is just there at the base of his throat, and it’s fighting against the sadness and the hurt and the shame to get out. “But…you did the same thing!” He says, trying to find his balance in the conversation. “In Little Garden! You were going to cut off your legs!”

“How was that the same?” Zoro says, indignant. “That was a last ditch effort to get out to save people who could be saved! With you…” he cuts himself off, shaking his head. “You, what, you don’t trust us? The people you should trust? The Captain you should believe in? We’re all right here, right in front of you, and you’re still…like this! You go to the guy who almost killed you for help instead of us. And you’re hurting yourself for a ship that’s already dead.”

The anger wins.

“You’re the ones that were okay with leaving Merry behind!” Usopp yells right back, right at the edge of explosion. “You’re the ones who weren’t even willing to try anything! You weren’t even going to try? How am I supposed to trust you if you don’t even put in any effort at all? If you just shrug your shoulders and give up?”

No no no no. His brain chants. No no. It’ll be you next. No no.

“Winning requires sacrifice,” Usopp says, waving away the voice in his head. “Help requires work. I’m willing to do what it takes, especially since nobody else was going to do it!”

“Like I said,” Zoro says again, and his voice is icy now, which sets off Usopp’s rage even further. “The ship is dead. None of us did anything because we’re living in reality. Where do you think this goes from here, huh? You get yourself cut up and the ship is still dead? What does that do for us? What does that do for you? You need to grow up and know which battles to fight and which to trust to us, and to your Captain!”

Usopp feels himself shake not in fear, but in anger. “And so what if she’s already dead?” He says, voice shaking alongside his body. “Does that mean we stop trying? Does that mean we just accept it and give up? I would never give up on any of you. And that includes Merry. Because that’s what crewmates do! And if that means getting hurt along the way, then, well—”

“Stop.”

Usopp literally freezes in place. The authority in Luffy’s voice is like a physical thing: solid, regal, powerful. It washes over Usopp’s skin, touching his heart with both awe and fear.

Luffy’s not just going to be King of the Pirates. God, he already is one.

“This isn’t helping,” Luffy says, pinning them both with a stern look. “There’s a lot happening right now, and both of you have good points. But, listen. Right now, Robin needs us. And at the end of the day, we’re a crew. No matter what, we care about each other and we’re in this together. When this is over, we’ll get back to this, but…” He crosses his arms again. “For now, we have someone to save. And she needs us all.”

Usopp squeezes in a breath. “Okay,” He says, a numbness falling over his body.

He hears Zoro grunt “Yes Captain.”

“Okay,” Luffy turns back to Franky. “Usopp vouched for you, and that’s enough for me. You can come with us.”

Franky hands, still up, cautiously come down near his sides. “Thank you?” He says.

Without a word, Luffy marches forward, followed closely by Zoro. Nami hesitates for a moment, shoots him a sad look, then follows. Chopper gestures towards him, whispers, “Come on Usopp,” And beckons him forward.

A sniff beside him catches his attention.

Usopp turns to see Franky, tears running down his cheeks. “You’re a good guy, Usopp,” Franky murmurs, refusing to wipe away the tears. “It would be an honor to be on the same crew as you.”

The numbness almost fades back, but it doesn’t make it there.

“Thank you,” Usopp whispers back, then follows his crew.

-

And then.

When they needed her, she came.

When they needed her, she saved them.

Usopp can barely believe it. Everyone had told him she was gone, that it was impossible to save her, that she would fall apart in no time…

And yet. And yet.

“Merry,” He sobs, watching as the fire devours her, hearing her final words echo in his head. “I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”

He should’ve known better. He should’ve known better than anyone. He should’ve known that he couldn’t count anybody out til they were gone, should’ve believed in his convictions to keep her going…

He should’ve known. But he didn’t.

I’m sorry. And the memories that had dogged him this whole time solidify, echoing in his head alongside his current thoughts, tumbling together into one. I should’ve done more. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Mom.

He cries as the flames consume the ship, until she’s nothing but burning debris that sinks into the water. He cries as the sun sets on her final moments. He cries as he walks back with his remaining crew, lightheaded and weak but unable to stop.

He can’t stop.

A hand tugs at his wrist, and he turns his blurry eyes to see shocks of orange and blue against the sky.

“I’m sorry,” Nami whispers, laying a head on his shoulder as they walk. Her words join the cacophony in his brain.

Usopp wants to say it’s okay. He wants to smile, reassure her, tell her everything’s fine. He wants to walk alongside them all, cool and sure, knowing he did everything he could. He wants to tell her that he knows it was time, that there was nothing they could do, that their friend went out like a hero.

He wants to tell her that he knows that the next time, when it’s him up there instead, that it will have been just as heroic, and everyone will have fought just as hard.

But for the first time in his life, he’s unable to do what he does best. For the first time in his life, he can’t lie.

He cries all the way back to the city.

-

“We need to talk,” Luffy says, strangely somber.

Usopp looks up from the new weapon in his lap. It still doesn’t quite feel like it fits in his hands. “Hm?”

His stomach drops as he meets Luffy’s gaze: focused, piercing, and overwhelming. Being the focus of Luffy’s attention is almost too much at the best of times, but now? It’s like looking directly into the sun.

He glances around the room. Everyone else is sprawled out throughout the ground in the room that they’re in, fast asleep. Usopp knows that he’s going to have to make a lot of noise to wake anybody else up now.

Except, well. Except…

Zoro is leaning against the wall closest by the door. His eyes had shot open at Luffy’s words, and he’s now looking in their direction expectantly.

Usopp drops his gaze back to his lap. “You want to talk about…about before?”

“Yeah,” Luffy says, and Usopp hears him get closer. “Everything’s over now, so we just need to fix this, okay? C’mon.”

Luffy tugs at his arm, pulling him up in one swift movement. Usopp almost drops Kabuto, and quickly scrambles to keep in his his arms.

He’s pulled to the door quickly, and scrambles to keep his balance. As they exit, he sees Zoro stand up in one fluid motion and follow them out, quietly shutting the door behind them.

The morning sun feels bright on his face, and Usopp squints as Luffy leads him to the side of the building, stopping to the left of the window and facing Usopp to his right. Zoro follows, taking the spot at Usopp’s left, leaning against the side and keeping his face aimed at the ground.

Usopp’s hand start to sweat, turning the Kabuto slippery. He feels boxed in, trapped.

They’re going to tell me to leave, He thinks, blinking furiously. It’s over.

Luffy takes a breath. “Usopp,” He says, serious, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Am I—” Usopp trips over his words. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Luffy says. “The whole time we’ve been here…you’ve been acting weird. I get wanting to save Merry, I really do. She was family, and you tried your best to fight for her. But…you were going to make us lose you too. And that’s not okay.”

Usopp closes his eyes. They still don’t get it.

“I didn’t want to,” He says, keeping his eyes shut. “I just…look. If you want to save someone, you have to give something in return. That’s just how it works. If you fight hard enough, sometimes you get something in return, you know? So I wanted…I wanted to give her that fighting chance.”

“You said that before too,” Luffy says, and Usopp feels him lean his shoulder into Usopp’s. His eyes crack back open. “About…about sacrifice. You did, though. You gave it everything you got.”

Usopp shakes his head. “I didn’t,” He says, and it settles in his stomach, uncomfortable. “I could’ve done more.”

Zoro makes a disbelieving noise. Usopp flinches.

“Huh?” Luffy’s eyes are wide. “What? How?”

Usopp shrugs. “I didn’t take the two days,” He mutters, trying not to fidget. “It was for Robin and that’s important, but…I didn’t use the two days that I had. And…and I didn’t actually do anything with the time I did use. And—”

“That’s not true!” Luffy interrupts, gripping a Usopp’s forearm. “You did everything you could! You helped save Robin. And you got a second opinion for Merry! But…that’s not how it works, did you know that? Sometimes, no matter what you give, you don’t get it back.”

Usopp shakes his head. “Yeah,” He says. “But you don’t know until you try.”

“The trying is the problem, Usopp,” And that’s Zoro, and Usopp’s gaze lands back on him. Zoro is still leaning against the wall, still not looking in his direction. “That’s why I got mad, you know. You keep bringing it back to the Merry, but this isn’t what we’re talking about. We’re talking about you.”

“Yeah!” Luffy says, throwing an arm around Usopp’s shoulders. “You know how you were fighting for Merry? We’re fighting for you! Against…you, I guess, cause you’re the one hurting you. Get it?”

“What?” Usopp says, shaking his head. “No!”

Zoro sighs. “That was terrible, Luffy.”

“Shut uppp,” Luffy whines, then looks at Usopp again. “You’re the Merry for us right now. You’re the one that’s hurt and we want to make sure you don’t break! And if you decide to put yourself in harm’s way and get hurt, then we have to come save you, right? So, we’re saving you!”

“You need to think about the risks you take,” Zoro cuts in. “Weigh them up and see if they’re worth it. Sometimes, stubborn courage is good. Other times, it’ll only hurt you, which hurts us as a crew. Get it?”

Usopp feels wrapped in his uselessness, hugging at his skin like a familiar, old coat. “So…” He says, voice small even to his own ears. “When…when there’s no way to…to help someone. I just…let it go? I let them go? If someone…if someone becomes useless, and can’t continue, then…”

Luffy tugs Usopp closer to him again. “You come to us,” He responds. “And then we’ll try to help together. And then if we can’t, then we handle it together too, okay? Deal?”

Usopp knows, logically speaking, that he can’t have control over every aspect of his life. That’s just how life goes. But…he’d like to be able to have his choices have some impact, at least. If not for him, for the people who matter to him.

That they won’t is a bitter pill to swallow.

Usopp looks at Zoro, who now pins him with a clear gaze. He looks at Luffy, who pins him with a huge, sunny smile.

Awe bubbles in his throat, shock and love and disbelief mixing into a heady cocktail that he wants to submit to. But there’s still that anger, just on the surface on his thoughts, banging to be let back in.

You’re lying! You gave up!

He pushes back. And back and back and back. “Okay,” He tells Luffy, giving him a smile. It still feels like a lie. “Okay, Luffy. Deal.”

Luffy cheers, and the anger in his head softens at the sight.

It’s the most important lie he’ll ever tell.

[thisisarcanereverie]

Monster (DARK! Moon Knight x FEM! Reader) Part 2 (final)

A/N: This is part 2, this is going to be the last part I will write to this while I focus on some other fics for you guys, Also found the header on pinterest idk who the original maker of it is, if you know please tag them in this post.

Also thank you all for all your lovely comments on the first part of this, It's been a while since I posted so it was great to hear positive things.

Word Count: 2.7K

WARNINGS: Dark themes; mentions of abuse (domestic, physical, mental),Marc being an absolute wreck of a person, unrequited love, Layla being ooc, Marc being a little ooc, 18 + MINORS DNI.

Summary: Marc has loved you for ten years, ever since he met you, Layla's best friend. But can you truly love the monster beneath the skin?

You arrived at his place ten minutes after the call, when he opened the door he wasn’t sure if your face was wet because of the rain or because of the tears. He had ushered you inside immediately and tried to get you warm clothes when you stopped him and handed him something. Neither of you said a word as he opened the crumpled piece of paper you handed him. 

To You, 

By the time you read this I’ll be gone. Maybe that is for the best. 

I know you say you don’t love Marc, not in that way. But I saw the way he looked at you the other night, like you were the sun; and the way he held you. I had been married to Marc for ten years, and never once did he look at me or hold me the way he did you that night. Not even during our wedding. 

You were my best friend. All I’ve ever wanted for you was the best; and while Marc might not have been my best, he’s yours. I was wrong for bringing up ‘him’, I was jealous and bitter and I should never have let it get the better of me. That was fucked up and I regret it. 

I don’t regret leaving though, at least I hope I don’t. I realized something that night, I can’t move forward if I’m stuck in the past, and you and Marc; you’re the past, along with this city. I can’t live here any longer, strolling through streets that we used to, reliving old memories that leave me sick with sadness. I just can’t. And you can’t move forward either, not with me here reminding you of broken promises and trust. I contacted a few people, got myself a new passport, phone number, and identity. As far as anyone is concerned, Layla El-Fouley is a ghost. So please, don’t try to find me. It’s better this way.

I love you both, goodbye. 

Layla. 

Marc held the piece of paper in his hand, something about it off but he didn’t care. All he understood was that Layla, who had been his biggest obstacle, had removed herself. But in doing so, has left you distraught, he could see your hands trembling at their sides and the rim around your eyes puffy and red. It broke his heart to see you like this, so much that he almost wished Layla would come back. 

“Something about it isn’t right.” Your voice was scratchy as you spoke, “I know Layla and she never would’ve done this.” 

“I wouldn’t say never,” Marc put the crumpled piece of paper aside, “she was acting off the other night.” 

“She was drunk,” you defended her, even now, “people say and do things that they don’t mean when they’re drunk all the time.” 

‘Like you?’ Marc thought, his mind bringing up the kiss you both shared. How electrifying it was for him, and he thought for you as well. 

Did you regret it?

Before he could ask you grabbed the paper next to him and stashed it in your pocket. 

“Something isn’t right,” you repeated, “I know it isn’t, I can feel that there’s something wrong. Like it’s something right in front of me and it’s laughing at me in the face.” 

“Calm dow-”

“Don’t,” you say simply looking at him in the face, eyes pointed, “don’t you dare tell me to calm down.”

“Listen,” Marc gruffed, “I know this is hard, Layla was your best friend but maybe you should let this go. You know her, once she makes up her mind that’s the end of it.” He watches as your eyes narrow in on him, studying him. For once he felt vulnerable, like he’s been stripped bare and you could see all of his sins. 

He didn’t like it. 

“You don’t care.” It wasn’t a question, and Marc knew better than to respond. You tore your eyes away from him and laughed, but not the ones that sounded like bells, this was cold and cynical. This was an unfamiliar side to you, one he has never seen. It was like someone had turned off the sun, and all that was left was darkness. 

“She was your wife,” you continued looking anywhere but him, “Layla was your wife, you shared your life with her for ten years. You protected her for years and for what, for now to be the time you stopped protecting her? To say ‘who cares’.” You pushed him away as he tried to get near you, “No Marc, that’s bullshit and you know it.” You grab the coat that you had hung over the chair, “I’m going to find her. Because I care, because right now she is out there and I don’t know if she’s ok. If I find her and she turns me away, fine I’ll go, then I’ll know that she really doesn’t want to see me again and I’ll respect that. But until I know that she is ok, and safe, I’m not going to stop.” 

Frustration rose in him with each step you made to the front door. As soon as your hand touched the knob he removed it, and turned you to face him. 

“So that’s it then,” Marc could feel his control over his emotions slip away, “you’re just going to go and chase a ghost and we’re not going to talk about that night.” his arms caged you against the door. He could see your eyes looking at him, but it wasn’t with the same soft tenderness that he had grown accustomed to, your eyes were sharp and pointed, your brows furrowed leaving a small crinkle in between them. You were silent, fuming really, he was as well. Steven however was telling Marc that he was hurting you. To let go. 

Not this time. 

Suddenly there was a shift in your eyes, the anger was replaced by a look Marc was familiar with. He had seen it plenty of times when you and Steven read books together, you only get that look when you’ve reached the climax or some big reveal was made. 

It was the look you only got when you’ve had a breakthrough. 

“You’re in love with me.” Again, not a question, as soon as those words left your lips it was like a weight had been lifted from him. One that he didn’t know he was shouldering. For years he’s had to keep his feelings for you to himself, never telling anyone let alone you. Now that you know, he doesn’t need to pretend anymore. He doesn’t have to watch from afar. 

You know. 

“Have been since I first saw you,” Marc confessed as a giddy feeling took over, “God you have no idea how good it feels to say that.” His hands went from your shoulders to cradle your face, his forehead touching yours, he didn’t even notice how tense you had become. “You have had no idea what it’s been like to love you.”

   “Marc,” you finally gain enough confidence in your voice to speak. He opens his eyes and looks into yours, he denies what he sees. He tells himself that those tears in your eyes aren’t because you pity him or don’t feel the same way. It’s because you’re so in love with him that it’s overwhelming, or that the doorknob is digging uncomfortably into your back as he presses you further into it, or that he’s accidentally stepping on your toe. Anything but that you don’t love him. “Please let me go.” 

“Never baby,” He breathes, “now that I have you why would I ever let go?”

“Marc,” You say, “Steven,” you try. But nothing, Steven went into hiding and Marc felt like he was on cloud nine. How addicting you had become, the mere thought of letting you out of his arms was enough to make him weep. “I have to go, please.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” Marc says, your words cutting through him like a serrated blade. “You don’t have to go, you never have to go.” 

“Please Marc, you're hurting me.” It was only then he noticed how tight his grip had become on you. He immediately let go, as you breathed a sigh of relief. He still pinned you against the door, but his grip was lighter, he had gotten carried away without knowing. 

“I’m so sorry baby,” he whispered apologies as he kissed where his hands had been. Lingering every kiss longer than the last. 

“Marc,” you whisper, not trusting your voice to go an octave higher, “I’m feeling hungry do we still have food in the fridge?” Right you must be starving, you probably didn’t eat anything yet today. 

“There might be something left,” he said gently leaning away from you and walking towards the fridge, “let me go check real-” the last thing he remembers was the sound of the front door slamming before everything went black. 

When he came to it looked like half the day already went by, and there was this bone deep ache in his body. At first he thought he was still in his apartment but upon closer inspection he quickly realized it was definitely someplace else. 

“buenos dias pendejo,” Marc quickly whipped his head around, seeing no one. At least, until he saw the mirror. The man before him was not him, or Steven. It was someone new. 

A new altar.

“Fuck me.” 

“No thank you.” 

“Who are you?” Marc asked, feeling a headache already coming.

“Jake Lockley,” He revealed

“How long have you been here?” 

“A long time,” Jake said, his voice still holding a small latin accent, “we have a mutual friend.” 

“Who in the hell-” Marc asked until he caught a familiar figure looming behind his altar’s reflection in the mirror.

Khonshu

“We meet again, Marc Spector.”

“No,” Marc said, his hands already tangled in his curly hair, “Nononononononono-” He kept repeating as if willing it away. As if the simple word ‘no’ was going to help him escape this hell. All of that, the pain and suffering and sacrifice it took to get rid of Khonshu.

In the end it didn’t mean a goddamn thing. 

“Cálmate Marc,” Jake tried to sooth, “everything will be ok.” 

“Why is he here?!” Marc asked, “I got rid of him, why is he here!” 

“Because of me,” Jake said, “I needed a purpose and he needed a Knight. I only took up the job you and that pequeño cobarde, Steven, refused.” Marc put his head in his hands, of course, of fucking course this was happening. How could he and Steven be so stupid. Khonshu would never have agreed to honor their deal unless he had something under his tattered sleeve. Really, he should’ve seen it coming. Maybe he knew, deep down, but denied it, hoping it would go away. All those times during Ammit where he and Steven would black out  and bodies piled around him. But he always pushed it down, denied it, anything but addressed it. 

Ultimately, this was all Marc’s fault, and he knew it. 

The clanking of chains suddenly made it to Marc’s ears as he turned in its direction, only to be met with you. Your ankle was chained to the bed frame, it creaked as you turned on the mattress. It was then Marc remembered what happened. 

You knew. 

You finally knew of Marc’s feelings, and while he may have lost himself a bit in the reverie of it all, you shouldn’t have tricked him like that. You distracted him while you ran, maybe if you didn’t run you both wouldn’t be here right now. 

But he can’t place the blame on you, how were you supposed to know how fucked up he truly was when he didn’t even know. 

“You should be thanking us worm.” Khonshu’s arrogant voice rang out, back when Marc was his primary Avatar that voice would fill him with dread. 

It still did. 

“Why?” Marc said to the towering god, “for going back on your word, for taking advantage of me and using my own alters against me?” 

“You insolent-” 

“No,” Jake interrupted, “You should thank us for getting rid of the one thing that was going to keep you happy.” 

“And what would that be?”

“Layla,” Jake revealed, a blood curdling grin stretching across his face. Marc could feel the temperature drop around him as he processed it. If he focused enough he could hear a faint echo of a gunshot, the familiar burn of the recoil. 

“She didn’t suffer,” Jake comforted, “I made sure she didn’t. But she was standing in the way of our happily ever after so to speak.”

Marc didn’t know if he should feel pleased or guilty. 

Maybe the lines between the two have been blurred beyond hope. 

“She’ll never forgive us.” 

“Then let that be the case,” Jake retorted, “we don’t need her forgiveness, we just need her.” Marc wanted it though, he wanted her forgiveness, craved it, like she alone could atone for all the hellish things he’s done. One thing was nattering away at him however, and his shadow loomed over him and shrouded him in darkness as he always had. 

 “What did you promise Khonshu for this?” Marc asked, “because he never does anything for

free.” 

“It was a gift.” Khonshu explained casually, “you see Marc, I reward faithful Avatars, something you can be again.” 

Before he could tell the bird to fuck off he heard you take in a sharp breath. His eyes tore themselves away from Khonshu and onto your frame. He could hear Steven faintly telling him to unchain you. But the darker part of him, one that wasn’t sure was Jake’s or his, told him no. That this is what he deserved, after all these years of pining and agony, this was his reward. 

You were his reward. 

The only light that illuminated you was the moon, casting you in its ethereal glow. 

“I will admit this Marc,” Jake said, “She looks like a dream come true.” 

Sure enough you did, you always did to him. Marc could hear Steven quieting, he could sense him enough to know he was observing, but nothing more. 

Your eyes landed on him and immediately you backed up until your back hit the backboard. 

“You can unchain her if you want,” Jake said, “She can’t escape here.” 

Marc did exactly that, not wanting the cuff to bruise your ankle. He was surprised when you didn’t move after, or that you didn’t try to run away. You were still, studying him like you did back at the apartment. 

Only now your eyes were tinged in fear. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Marc assured, “I’m not like that.” 

“I used to think that too,” You quipped while your eyebrows furrowed and your nails dug into the sheets beneath you, “I used to think a lot of things.” a moment of silence before you continued, “like how great you were and how lucky I was to know you, or how you were just misunderstood. I know better now, meeting you was the unluckiest moment in my entire life and I didn’t even know it. And you’re not misunderstood,” You leaned closer, eyes narrowed as nothing but pure hate filled them cutting him deep, “you’re just a monster.” Before you knew it he leaped from the bed away from you. 

“NO!” He screamed hot tears filling his dark eyes, “no.” he repeats quieter this time his hands gripping his hair in a death grip, “You don’t get to say that to me, not you.” After a few more seconds of sobbing he calms down, you look at him with nothing but pity and contempt. “You love me,” he says voice hoarse, “you just need some time.” He walks shakily to the door and opens it, and before you could run towards it again he walks through and locks it behind him. You just needed some time alone, that’s all, to see that he loves you. 

That while he may be a monster. 

He was yours for better or for worse. 

He was your monster.

[bullet-prooflove]

Stockton!Series Part Eight: Canvas - Nestor Oceteva x Reader

Tagging: @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @anime-weeb-4-life @danzer8705 @drabbles-mc @alwaysachorusgirl @witches-unruly-heart @mysoulisasunflower @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @est1887 @mortal--soul @buddinglinguist @spookyboogyuniverse @thanossexual @lexondeck @weiwei0210 @trublu2u @justreblogginfics @oklahomapeach @keyweegirliee @dakotapaigelove @wnbweasley @jadesamhart @sisinever @skyesthebomb @msjava1972 @fleureeee @jp1019 @thiashazzywriting @fanfic-n-tabulous @ravennaortiz @just-a-throw-away

Stockton!Series:

Part One: El Cuchillo - An incident in the clubhouse causes ramifcations for the entire club.

Part Two: Always - Nestor learns about what happened.

Part Three: In the Dark - You and Nestor wake up to find armed men in your house.

Part Four: Sierra - Marcus takes care of the men who tried to kill you.

Part Five: Maternal - Nestor and you take refuge at a familiar location.

Part Six: Times Are Changing - Marcus and Bishop discuss moving forward with the club.

Part Seven: Graveside (feat: Marcus Alvarez) - You and Marcus discuss your mother at her graveside.

It’s late when you come back home to the house that you and Nestor share. The electricity is still off from where they’d cut the power during the break in, but Nestor has illuminated the rooms with the battery powered Moroccan lamps you use for mood lighting. It’s a pretty, welcoming glow.

You find him sitting on the floor of his art studio, the stench of gasoline is barely noticeable unlike the ruined floorboards from where the cohesive material had eaten its way through the varnish. His unruly curls hang loose around his shoulders as he sits in front of a canvas, spreading paint across it with one of the thicker brushes. He’s clad in a loose vest and grey basketball shorts., the light from the Moroccan lamps casting a warm glow across his skin.

He's absorbed in the task, his brushwork methodical. Painting is where he goes to hide away from the world, to make sense of it. Everything that’s happened over the past few days it’s too raw, too much. Now that things have settled you have to process what happened, deal with it.

“Gilly’s gonna come by tomorrow, give us a quote for the shit that needs fixing.” Nestor tells you, his gaze still fixated on the canvas as he swirls the paintbrush. “Bottles and EZ helped clear out the stuff that can’t be repaired. We’re gonna need a new bed and couch and our books are ruined…”

You reach out across the space between you, your hand coming to rest upon his forearm, thumb gently smoothing over his skin.

“Nes.” You say softly. “I’m sorry about what happened to your paintings.”

Out of everything that was destroyed you know that is the one that hurts. They’re things that you can never get back. his creativity, his brilliance they shine through in all the work he does, he leaves a piece of himself in every painting.

“They’re just things…” He says with a sigh, raking his hand through his hair.

“It still matters.” You tell him and he looks up at you.

You can see the pain in his eyes, the anguish because those paintings, they meant the world to him. He sets the paintbrush down before he studies the artwork in front of him, the one he’d been working on before your home had been invaded. It had been beautiful once, darkness and light contrasting against each other. The night sky and the stars, the desert landscape. Now the paint runs down it in rivets, the chemicals from the gasoline burning into the canvas, eroding it.

“I was working on something for your birthday.” He tells you, his gaze lowering back to the canvas in front of him. “They fucked it up, they came into our home…”

He trails off, the line of his jaw clenching.

“I keep thinking about what would have happened if we hadn’t woken up that night.” He says quietly, his chin coming to rest upon his knee. “If I’d been on that run up to Denver, the way that I was supposed to be. You would have been here alone…”

He’d been about to embark on a security run for Rose Kush when he’d gotten the call from Bishop. It would have been a three-day job. Coco had taken it instead after he’d heard what happened to you with Ramos. You shift until you end up kneeling beside him. You wrap your arms around him, drawing him close, your lips brush over his hairline as he buries his face into the curve of your throat.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost you.” He whispers against your skin. “It came too close this time Mi Corizon, it was far too close.”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[animanga-bonanza]

i have so many feelings and thoughts about this latest episode of x men 97 -- spoilers under the cut

first, my favorite highlights/takeaways:

As usual, the dialogue is S-tier and this show is really good about putting the characters through dilemmas that have real stakes, and having the characters navigate those dilemmas in ways that both make sense for them and require them to move forward

Xavier is a confirmed bottom 😂 my man was ready to be a PET for this glamorous space lady

Loved that moment where Xavier literally takes the Shi’ar to class and starts SCHOOLING them 😂 he said “hold up I’m a teacher. lemme teach y’all something right now” 👨‍🏫

When talking about what he wanted to remember from Earth, he only mentioned Magneto, his “old friend” (YOU MEAN YOUR EX. YOUR SOULMATE. THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. C’MON CHARLES)

Speaking of Xavier x Magneto, when he finds out what happened to Magnus…😭 it was already heartbreaking seeing his reaction to Gambit's death

I’m certain the Shi’ar stuff is going to be the main conflict in Season Two or Three; Season One is gonna be focused on X-Men vs Sinister. Having this warmongering galactic empire on the brink of a coup that believes Earth is a “ghetto”, it’s not gonna turn out well for Earth.

I’m glad this episode confirmed that Sinister is behind the Genosha attack (though idk he might be working for someone else); writers sometimes keep their cards too close to their chest because they’re afraid that if they reveal their hand too soon, the audience will lose interest. But in my experience, it’s often more fun when the writers show you their hand and then use their cards to build a magnificent tower. Knowing who all the players are, their goals and motivations, and watching them duke it out is the stuff that drama is made of. It’s kind of like the Hitchcock principle of showing your audience the bomb under the table in order to raise suspense.

I’m REALLY happy that Storm is back, I missed her so much these past couple episodes! Aaah I’m a sucker for characters with weather powers, and hearing about the stuff Storm can do in the comics, I’m looking forward to seeing her use her abilities in a range of creative ways

Now for some analysis/ramblings!!

Storm and Xavier’s struggles mirror each other. Both characters are having to choose between comfort/happiness and duty/hardship.

Storm believes she’d be happier as a normal human. She could leave all her past troubles behind, build a new life with Forge. But that would be a betrayal of herself, her values, and her community. The Adversary’s line about Storm being afraid of living more than dying cuts deep. Storm was never afraid to put her life on the line to protect others. She literally took a bullet for Magneto. Her biggest fear is living her full truth, perhaps because her power is so great that it might alienate her from other people, even from her fellow mutants. As Magneto said (and I paraphrase), she is the closest thing to a goddess their world has ever seen.

And IIRC, part of Storm’s backstory involved her being worshiped/revered as a goddess or holy priestess. I think this past experience made Storm wary of embracing her full power because that kind of existence is lonely.

Honestly, as a black woman, Storm’s journey resonates so much. In real life, black women are often expected to be superhuman, the “strong black woman” who can shoulder her own burdens and everyone else’s. Storm suppressing her own powers for fear of being put on a pedestal as this flawless “queen” or “goddess” who can reliably solve everyone else’s problems? Yeah. That’s some real stuff. Storm, like everyone else, deserves to be vulnerable. To be protected and cared for instead of having to always protect and care for others.

But the expectation to be "strong" is something that Storm seems to have internalized; she didn't have to leave the X-Men when she lost her powers, but she left in part because she felt like she had to deal with her grief alone. And I hope that, even though she’s coming back to the X-Men with her powers fully realized, she’s able to rely on her friends for comfort. I also love that this series emphasizes her friendship with Jean, and I hope to see more of their dynamic going forward.

As for Xavier, he’s having to choose between life on his home planet, where he’s surrounded by family but having to deal with their “drama” plus the persecution of his community, and life among the stars, away from the troubles of Earth but still not accepted as a full person. Either way, he has to play the role of the teacher, the wise mentor who must guide others to the path of enlightened coexistence. It’s a tough burden to bear.

I’m not disabled, but it seems to me that the way Xavier is burdened with the responsibility of having to be a “role model” for others mirrors the way that society treats disabled people in real life. Again, I’m definitely out of my depth here and would love to hear disabled people’s thoughts on the matter, but it’s my understanding that society tends to dehumanize disabled people as either pitiable/contemptible burdens or admirable/brave warriors who can “rise above” their condition. Some of that seems to be baked into certain aspects of how Xavier was conceived as a character and the way he’s often framed by the narrative, but it looks like X Men 97 is aware of this and attempting to interrogate it a little.

Anyway, this episode was really great, a nice breather after the devastation of last week’s episode while still thematically rich and moving the story forward.

[bradleyenthusiast]

Personally I headcanon Jessica as a cheater. Mostly because it seems in line with her shallow character and honestly it makes me interested in learning more if she’s a bad person (multi-faceted). It makes the idolization of her character by Morty even more ridiculous, which is already begging to be explored in canon.

In terms of evidence, in season 1 episode 6 Brad is established as both Jessica’s boyfriend and an active presence in her life. He basically appears out of nowhere to intervene in Morty’s desperation, with Jessica saying nothing in Morty’s defense. (Only commenting when Brad says something to do with her.) Then, when Morty later confesses his love to a mindless love drunk Jessica, Brad’s first instinct is to push aside Morty and focus on what he’s doing, rather than question why his girlfriend is embracing him. It seems like Brad is less concerned with what Jessica does, but more how other people act towards her.

The season finale brought him back as well, showing us more sides of both him and Jessica, even when they’re not with each other. When Jessica gets upset with Brad, it’s not enough to actually leave him, but enough to cry in Morty’s ear about him beating up Hitler (after she specifically told him not to). This could’ve been the moment for them separating, to satisfy Rick’s plan to shut Morty up, but it wasn’t. Instead backfiring, with the episode ending with Jessica leaving, smiling under Brad’s arm, and adding more fire to Morty’s dissatisfaction with Rick.

However, jumping forward to season 2, we see no sign of Brad the entire season, while we do see Jessica getting much closer to Morty in Big Trouble in Little Sanchez. It’s entirely up in the air on how this came to be, although it can be assumed it was in part due to Tiny Rick boosting the popularity of Morty and Summer. This is notable, considering Brad’s main issue with Morty talking to Jessica was that she was “out of his league”. Later on, Jessica also comments that Summer selling out Tiny Rick was “self-destructive”. It’s at that, Morty seems to realize how he’s lost focus.

Brad’s absence here is additionally questionable considering that after jumping forward to season 3, in Rest and Ricklaxation, we hear that Brad and Jessica have broken up, and she’s looking for someone special, and nothing she’s “ever remotely considered in the past”. This is odd news considering that upon hearing this, Morty seems surprised and excited at this “new” prospect. It almost seems like these are taking place in alternate timelines where Jessica never went on that date with Morty just last season.

Brad doesn’t get mentioned again until the end of the episode, after Jessica shows that she only really cares about Morty enough to get Rick off her back and to have someone hanging around who worships her enough to serve as her emotional dumping ground. Rick and Jessica seem to share that in common (for at least this episode). Brad apparently got lunch with Jessica, and the two are on amicable terms, with her friends assuming the two will get back together.

Moving on to the comics, there are two additional instances of Jessica being with Brad but still pursuing Morty, adding onto Morty’s consistent pursuit of Jessica despite her relationship status. In Issue #20, we see Brad discourage Morty from Jessica by pointing out his shortcomings as usual, then promptly get handsy with Jessica. (I’m going to count it as them being written to be in a relationship again.) When Morty later appears at tryouts physically enhanced, Jessica is openly attracted to him, to which Brad makes no comment on, instead outraged at Morty’s sudden transformation.

Following this established dynamic up in Issue #27, when Morty asks Jessica to the dance, she says that Brad is already taking her, and further explains that irregardless, Morty’s whole deal is really weird. However, later on Morty says that Jessica’s changed her mind now that Brad broke his leg at practice, quite excited at the prospect. This is then squashed when after the dance, Morty explains that Brad made a miraculous appearance, then said that he called dibs on Jessica, and then dumped Morty in the toilet (with help from his friends). No mention of Jessica, no explaining why he was okay with her taking Morty to the dance, nothing.

From this, it implies Brad’s open to competition from others, but only those he perceives as equals. He’s more concerned with his ego than Jessica’s infidelity. Although this doesn’t mean he doesn’t fulfill his role as a protective boyfriend, (he always makes space between himself and others, always shields Jessica from whatever’s in front of her) he’s just very honest about what his main issue is. That isn’t that Jessica isn’t completely happy with him, it’s that his status is threatened when someone like Morty wins.

Meanwhile, Jessica doesn’t seem to know what she wants herself.

[vicsnook]

I Can See You | Jake Seresin x Reader

word count: 1466

warnings: SMUT, 18+, MINORS DNI

song pairing: I can see you - Taylor Swift

notes: Hey y'all!! Here is some very-needed smut between Peach and Jake after everything I've put them through lately. Only 2 more parts left and we will reach the end of this little series that I hope y'all have enjoyed! Please don't forget to like and reblog and thank you for all the likes/reblogs on the other parts!

You brush past me in the hallway

And you don't think I, I, I can see ya, do ya?

You and Jake had been careful the past couple of weeks with your new relationship. Going out of town for dates or Ubering to each other's homes so your cars wouldn't be seen in the driveways. The hardest part of it though was work. You both acted professionally and only spoke when needed to try and not raise any flags. So far neither of you thought anyone suspected anything.

After being dismissed today, you stuck around the tarmac talking to Maverick. Your plan was to wait until everyone had showered and left to meet Jake in the locker room. He’d brushed past you earlier and you knew exactly what that meant. 

You eyed the parking lot from the hallway and saw Payback pulling out onto the road. Everyone else’s car was gone so you knew the coast was clear. Rushing to the locker room you made sure no one saw you and as you entered.

But what would you do if I went to touch you now?

What would you do if they never found us out?

What would you do if we never made a sound?

The sound of the shower running and the sight of Jake’s locker still open led you to make your next decision. Taking off your flight suit, you quickly stuffed it in your bag and pulled out your clothes, setting them on the bench. You made it to the showers and turned on the water on the one next to Jake’s.

“Peach is that you?” he asked quietly.

“Yes, hold on a sec,” you responded as you stuffed your underwear and undershirt in the caddy outside the shower.

You quietly pushed the curtain open on Jake’s shower. His eyes were closed as he washed his hair. His body looked even better as the water slid off it. 

“Take a picture darlin’, it’ll last longer,” he said, pulling you into the shower with him and closing the curtain.

You shivered as he pushed you against the cold shower wall and started kissing your neck. His hands made their way to the back of your thighs and he pulled you both forward to pick you up and put you against the wall again. He bit your bottom lip as you tried but failed to stifle a moan. 

'Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall from me

And I could see you up against the wall with me

And what would you do, baby, if you only knew?

That I can see you

“Peach? Are you listening? Hello, Earth to Peach,” said Rooster snapping his fingers in front of you waking you from your daydream.

“Uh yeah, sorry. What’s up?” you asked, trying not to blush about your daydreams. Looking around the room you noticed everyone was headed to the locker room.

“We got dismissed early since they’re doing maintenance on the jets. You alright? You don’t typically zone out.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep much last night,” you replied as you followed Rooster into the locker room where everyone was already in the showers. 

“Ah, Jake said the same thing earlier,” he said then headed towards the showers not giving you a chance to respond.

And we kept everything professional

But something's changed, it's somethin' I, I like

They keep watchful eyes on us

So it's best that we move fast and keep quiet

You could feel your cheeks burning knowing that Rooster somehow had probably figured things out. Trying to act like nothing was up you agreed to get lunch with everyone. They picked a local Taco stand and as you and Jake got up to get your food, you noticed Rooster and Nat staring at you both.

“I think Rooster’s onto us,” you whispered to Jake as he passed you a napkin and you passed him some salsa verde. 

“Nah, I wouldn't worry about it, sweetheart. This is the most we have interacted outside of work in the same place as them,” he responded, smiling at you reassuringly as you both went to sit with the rest of the group. He sat beside Fanboy and you sat beside Nat and Rooster.

Neither of them said anything about you or Jake and instead talked about work. Playing with your fork you decided to go home as you truly were tired from staying up last night. Waving goodbye to everyone you hopped in your car and drove off towards your house. Running in you grabbed your already packed bag and called an Uber to go to Jake’s as previously planned.

—

Letting yourself into his apartment you realized he wasn't home yet. Heading for a quick shower you let yourself daydream again but the front door opening startled you out of them. You shut off the water and threw a towel around yourself as you hurried out of the bathroom to peek into the hallway.

Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall from me

And I could see you up against the wall with me

And what would you do, baby, if you only knew? Oh, oh, oh

That I could see you throw your jacket on the floor

I could see you make me want you even more

What would you do, baby, if you only knew?

That I can see you

“Hey baby” said Jake while setting his keys on the table. Your face blushed at the pet name that you were not yet used to. “Hey” you replied shyly, as you headed towards him, dropping your towel on the floor once you were in front of him.

His lips are instantly on yours as he guides you to the couch and your hands tug at his hair. You feel the back of your legs hit the couch and you ease onto it while pulling Jake on top of you. He’s throwing off his jacket and beginning to tug his shirt off as you undo his belt and jeans.

He stands up briefly and finishes pulling off his jeans then is back on top of you kissing you feverishly as your hand grips the waistband of his boxers. 

“Slow down darlin’ we got all night”, his hand pulls yours away from his boxers as he trails kisses down your neck and then takes your nipple into his mouth. His other hand rubbing circles around your clit as you moan his name.

“I need you” you whimper as he thrusts his middle finger inside you causing you to lift your hips. “Patience, darlin.”

He kisses you while adding another finger. You squirm under him as he picks up the pace. His fingers hit your g-spot and you feel yourself getting closer and closer. 

“Good girl,” he whispers in your ear and you feel your legs begin to shake. “Cum for me baby.”

Your vision turns white as you reach your orgasm and he slowly pulls out his fingers but continues to rub on your clit. “Ja-ke please” you whine as he finally stops.

Trembling still from your orgasm, you grab his hand and suck his fingers that were coated in your wetness while staring into his eyes. He quickly pulls off his boxers as you let go of his hand and then he is stretching you open. 

You squeeze his biceps as he bottoms out in you. “You okay sweets?” he asks and you nod your head as he begins to slowly thrust. “You’re so tight” he mumbles against your neck as he starts to pick up the pace.

You moan loudly as his thrusts get harder and faster. Feeling yourself clench around his cock as he rubs your clit and you feel yourself getting close again.

“I-m c-lose” you can barely utter. He bites your lip as you reach your high again. He continues to thrust into you sloppily and soon after you feel him cum inside you.

Both of you breathing heavily as he kisses your forehead. 

—

As you head back into the locker room from the tarmac you notice only one locker is open. You walk back out into the hallway and notice that only your car and Jake’s truck are left in the parking lot.

You smirk deviously as you head back into the locker room and hang your flight suit. Making your way to the showers you hear Jake humming.

“That you, Peach?” he asks as you come to a stop in front of the curtain.

“What do you think, Lieutenant?” 

He pulls you into the shower before you even get a chance to take off your underwear and as he pushes you up against the wall you get deja vu.

Oh, I see you, I see you, baby

I see you

click here for the next part!

taglist: @harperdoodle, @weirdothatwritess, @rosiahills22

[brockitty-goober]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT

I JUST COUNTED 14 DIFFERENT fnaf x female reader, most of them Mike Schmidt. AND OH MY GOD ONE OF THEM WAS NOT UNDER A READ MORE AND NOT AGE RESTRICTED AND ABSOLUTELY BARF Y’ALL ARE MESSED UP 🫠

anyways

I decided to post some cringe willy Afton stuff!!1!1!!1

and since there’s so much movie stuff rn I decided to do game William :)

enjoy!

TW: blood, child death

(Reader/POV is a child being led to the back room by willy!)

-the yellow rabbit.-

You sit down at one of the tables, bored out of your mind. The tablecloth is covered in greasy pizza stains. A tacky confetti design is all over the cloth, and in big yellow letters it reads: “Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza! Where Fantasy And Fun Come To Life!”

You look over to your right, where Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica are performing. Foxy is going to do a show after this. You never liked Foxy. He looks too scary with his hook and his sharp teeth.

You’ve been coming here a lot, and frankly, the animatronics aren’t new and cool anymore. They’re just.. boring.

You wish there would be a new animatronic. A cat, perhaps? A dog? Another kind of bird, maybe?

You wouldn’t even care if it was the same animal. You just want something new. And the animatronics are so… stiff. Robotic. Stationary.

You can’t interact with them. All they do is sing the same songs, over and over, again and again.

But you’ve heard of something different. Something before Freddy’s. Fredbear’s Family Diner.

As far as you know, they only had Fredbear. Maybe something else, but still, very few animatronics.

Even with the lack of a band, they were more fluid. More alive. You don’t know why. Something called “springlocks”?

You just want something new. That’s it. Is that really a lot to ask for? You get up and head for the side of the pizzeria. It’s quiet there. And your stupid older sibling isn’t hanging out with their friends here.

You wait there for a few minutes, looking around. Kids having fun, playing tag (which the employees did not like) and cheering for the animatronic band.

You glance to your right again. This time, there’s a hallway with a few rooms on the side. On the left near the end of the hall, one room has huge metal doors and black and yellow stripes on them.

You wonder why they would ever need that.

Suddenly, you hear the door to your left’s lock quietly open. Very, very carefully and quietly, as if whoever was behind there wanted to be as unnoticeable as possible.

The door slowly creaked open, just a tiny bit. You spot yellow, animatronic-like hands on the doorknob.

What? Another animatronic? You think to yourself.

it pushes open more. Little by little, the door opens wider and wider until the door is halfway open. Then a yellow animatronic foot steps out. Bunny ears slowly move forward, past the side of the doorway, and there it was.

Another animatronic.

A yellow rabbit.

It was just like Bonnie, but it had finger joints and it had more teeth. Instead of a red bow tie, a purple bow and vest were draped around its shoulders.

It’s gaze rests on you.

It seems delighted at the sight of you. You’re happy to see this new animatronic, just coming out of nowhere, seeing you, of all people.

Maybe you were too excited.

maybe you forgot about the warnings of a murderer. That dragged his victims into the exact room it was about to bring you into.

Maybe you didn’t notice the malicious, unnervingly dead-looking, shockingly purple eyes under that suit.

And the disgustingly friendly-looking smile.

He must have had a lot of experience with this character, this suit, because his voice sounded so friendly and silly. He had perfected it.

“Hello, little one! Do you like candy?”

Before you can answer, he grabs you by the wrist and pulls you in, shutting the door quickly yet quietly.

You grumble. The rabbit didn’t even let you answer his question! How stupid.

the rabbit turns away from the door and towards you.

something shiny is in his right hand. Something metallic.

Suddenly you are aware.

The silly yellow rabbit is holding a knife. You scream at the top of your lungs, but he lunges toward you and covers your mouth tight. He manhandles you, pulling you towards him.

Then he laughs. Not a nice laugh like the yellow rabbit would have done. A deep, mean laugh. A strangely cruel laugh. Then, as you are struggling, his arm stretches outward.

Then it snaps back to your neck.

It’s only then that you notice the dried blood on his suit. Your blood just makes it redder.

Then you fall to the ground, limp, as darkness washes over you, the yellow rabbit still ominously standing there, staring over your body, grinning.

—-

This probably sucked but I like it so whatever! Hope you enjoyed being killed by silly Willy 👍

hehehe

[plague-of-insomnia]

WIP Wednesday: Synchronize, Ch 4

Hey, all! I am so close to finishing the next chapter, and wanted to share another little snippet with you. I absolutely am in love with Tanaka & Seb in this fic, and I hope you’ll enjoy this tender scene between them as much as I have.

“Jiji. I’m sorry.”

“Hmm?” Tanaka asked without looking up, focused on Sebastian’s lower leg now.

“For . . . this. For ruining your retirement.”

That made Tanaka stop. He set down Sebastian’s leg, placing a pillow under his knee to support it. Then he draped the blanket over it so Sebastian wouldn’t be cold, before perching on the edge of the mattress. He took Sebastian’s hand in his, smoothing his fingers over the polish as he smiled warmly.

“You may not be my blood, but you are my child in every sense of the word, and if I could lay my life down here to restore your health, I would do it without a second of hesitation.”

Sebastian felt his breath catch. He could see Tanaka was dead serious. He meant every single word.

“You shouldn’t have to.” Sebastian’s gaze drifted to the glass doors. With the darkness out and light within, he could just barely make out their reflections. His, chained to the bed, and Tanaka, looking so small and frail.

Tanaka leaned forward, cradling Sebastian’s head as he planted a kiss on his crown. “That’s just what happens when you become a father. Maybe someday, you’ll understand.” His smile was affectionate as he leaned back, tucking some stray hairs behind Sebastian’s ear. “I don’t have any regrets. Not about being with Vincent, as short as our time together was, nor about raising you and your brother. And certainly not taking care of you when you’ve needed me.”

Sebastian reached for Tanaka’s hand again. “I—I am going to get better. Right, Jiji? Maybe not like I was before, but—”

“You will. You have.”

Sebastian scoffed.

“You may not realize it, but I could feel resistance when I was doing the stretches today. And it wasn’t just from stiffness. And it wasn’t spasms. It was you. And I also noticed you were slightly stronger when Dr. Albrecht was examining you. I think this new treatment is working. Slowly, but surely.”

Sebastian felt his eyes mist and blinked rapidly to try and clear his vision. “Agni has reminded me of everything I’ve lost. It hurts so much. But it also makes me want—”

“Want what?”

“All the things I had before. Things I thought I couldn’t ever have again. He—he makes me hope, Jiji.”

Tanaka cradled Sebastian’s face, rubbing his thumb affectionately over his five o’clock shadow. He would need a shave tomorrow. Maybe he’d ask Agni to do it. “That’s a good thing.”

“I’m scared, though. What if—what if I hope for something I can’t have? What if I put all of my eggs into this basket, and then I find out they’re all cracked and rotten and I was never—”

Tanaka pulled Sebastian’s hands from his face, holding both firmly in his. “Listen to me. Hope is never wasted. If this treatment doesn’t work, we will find something else. OK? You’re strong, and I love you, and I am not going anywhere. That’s my choice, no matter what your brother may have said.” Of course Tanaka would realize the source of many of Sebastian’s doubts. “You remind me every day of Vincent, and the love I have for him that will always be with me. We will get through this. Together.”

Tanaka stretched and snagged the box of tissues from the nearby table and offered them to Sebastian, whose eyes had leaked of their own damn accord after all.

Reblogs always appreciated! :)

-> Read Synchronize on AO3 <-

Fic Summary: Agni, a home-care nurse, has had his share of difficult patients, but now he's up for his biggest challenge yet. Sebastian is young, seriously ill, and angry, but Agni is determined to help him anyway. Will the two be able to synchronize and move forward, or will Sebastian forever let his bitterness over his past trauma hold him back?

[multifandom-onigiri]

I realized something while revisiting the darkmilk portrait conversation in Ch 14 and realizing something in context with this latest CRK update. I guess it’s also an addition to the first analysis post I made about the conversation which I’m linking here:

New analysis will be under the read more, since it’s going to be long probably due to screenshots:

When I originally found out the Ch 14 conversation existed, I went in with expectations (prepared for the worst) and came out… honestly surprised. I think me and lots of people were very convinced that Dark Choco would have a negative reaction to how Milk sees DC. I think the root of that was the flashback sequence in dark mode, when pomegranate forcibly brought up Dark Choco’s past where a lot of their trauma stems from. They reacts to what Milk says out of guilt, regret and shame of his actions and current self.

All of these feelings are buried inside of him. They’re finally addressed along with additional conflicted feelings of how he grew up and his relationship to his father when the Cookies of Darkness try to take over the Dark Cacao Kingdom. Dark Choco is able to finally confront how he feels. His grievances, the bitterness of things that could never be, and most importantly, how he still does love Dark Cacao. He cares about his father, no matter how much they hurt each other, and the kingdom.

It’s all of this that leads to Dark Choco breaking away from the Cookies of Darkness. However, he chooses not to join our protag group but instead to venture off on his own. This is because atm, he has finally been given some closure, and now he can finally begin to heal. To begin to move forward and heal, you have to accept your own mistakes and forgive yourself. Dark Choco *especially* because it really felt like he convinced himself that he was doomed to be a villain and unhappy because of his own actions. Cut to the latest update.

They’re away from the influence of the sword. They’re able to reflect on everything’s that happened up until this point more clearly. They can do this at his own pace. They say he hasn’t known the last time he’s felt peace. They are beginning to heal.

When we get to this Easter egg conversation, I think it starts to click for me why he doesn’t have the same reaction to Milk compared to the dark mode flashback. It’s much farther into the future where perhaps Dark Choco has been able to make peace with his past.

And this is where the post ends because I actually put this on twitter first where I did NOT post the original analysis there LOL so I put a link at the end of the thread

But yeah if you haven’t read the original analysis of this conversation (linked above), you should read that after you finish reading this.

[i-didnt-do-1t]

“I’m glad there’s at least a few of you I can talk to like adults.”

cw violence

“Delancey?” The kid sneered his name from the door way, Expression like he was trying to be rough but Oscar had a reputation here, Morris too, the distance the kid was keeping spoke for itself.

Oscar stared him down and the kid jerked his chin at him. “Yeah you. Snyder wants you in his office.”

Oscar wasn’t blind to the straight red line running horizontal across the back of the kids hand, raw and sore looking but he pushed up from the bunk anyway, lightly kicking Morris’s foot as he stood.

“Why?”

“You think he told me?”

Oscar rolled his eyes but approached the door and the kid stepped back, moving out of his way to let him past.

The walk to Snyder’s office the next floor up was a familiar one, one that made his stomach clench and the craving for a cigarette stronger, one that amplified the sound of his heart beat in his ears, hands resisting the urge to clench into fists aside from the one he needed to knock on Snyder’s door and wait to be invited in.

It’s a few seconds before he heard Snyder’s voice, clipped and cold telling him to enter. The way his back straightened as he pushed open the door is automatic.

“What is it?” He asked blunt as he slammed the door closed behind him again and Snyder just raised an unimpressed eyebrow from where he sat behind his desk, leant casually back in his chair, arms folded and face blank.

“Thought your father would’ve taught you better manners Oscar.”

Oscar registered the look on Snyder’s face, the way his eyebrow was quirked up, registered his good mood and scoffed pulling out the chair on his side of the desk, wooden and at risk of breaking any time anyone sat on it, not like Snyder’s chair, plush and comfortable, but he dropped onto it anyway.

“You ain’t ever met my da.”

“I think it would be interesting. I’d like to talk to him.”

“You’re not missin’ much.”

He could feel Snyder’s stare on him, studying.

“Clearly.” He paused, picked up a pencil from his desk, and spun it slowly between his fingers. “How are the new boys settling in?”

“Why’re you askin’ me?”

“I’m assuming you got them to shut up. Young boys crying like that don’t go silent like that for no reason.”

Oscar relented. Snyder wasn’t wrong, he was never wrong.

“They’re fine. Annoyin.”

“Kids always are.”

“You’re in the wrong job then.”

Snyder’s lip pulled up, something not quite a laugh escaping him as he reached under his desk. Oscar sat straight, sat waiting, till Snyder pulled out his pack of rolled cigarette, till he lifted one and put it in his own mouth and held the box open over to Oscar, offering him one.

“I’m glad there’s at least a few of you I can talk to like adults.”

Oscar brought the cigarette to his mouth, waiting for Snyder to light his own and pass him the matches.

“You get bored or somethin’?”

“You would.” Snyder paused, blew out smoke. “How’s your brother?”

Oscar tensed, took a moment to inhale smoke, felt the warmth in his lungs, warm despite the innate cold nature of the refuge.

“He’s fine.”

“He’s been causing fights recently.”

“No he ain’t.”

Something on Snyder’s face had changed. Something that made him sharper and colder and Oscar could hear the alarm bells go off in his head. “Oh so other boys are provoking him?”

Oscar moved to sit forward, the chair rocking on its feet with him.

“I thought you wanted us to keep the other kids in line.”

“Not when it means I have to pay for their infirmary care.”

“When have you given a shit about given infirmary car-“

The back hand came unexpected and hard, left his head ringing and cheek stinging.

He glued his eyes to the ground the direction the hit sent his head. He worked to keep his breathing even.

“Language Oscar.”

He didn’t respond, didn’t look at him.

“Apologise.”

Oscar bit his tongue, could feel his cigarette burning down between his fingers.

“Say it, Delancey. Or maybe I won’t overlook the trouble Morris has been causing.”

Oscar could taste blood, from biting his tongue or the hit he wasn’t not sure.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He stared at the hardwood floor, spoke through gritted teeth. He knew the words Snyder wanted from him, the words he would pull like teeth if Oscar didn’t go easy. He wondered briefly if it would be worth it to swallow them just to keep his pride intact.

But it wasn’t his pride at risk. It was Morris.

“For being disrespectful.” He said, spit the words like they were acid on his tongue, bitter and corroding.

“Look at me.”

Oscar didn’t have much of a choice.

He looked up to meet his eyes. Blue and cold and blank.

“Say it again.”

He could feel his finger nails, bit to the beds and jagged, digging into the palms of his hands.

“I’m sorry for being disrespectful.”

Snyder was silent for a moment, didn’t break the stare.

Oscar’s cheek burned.

“You know Oscar, your father could’ve taught you manners if he tried.”

[i-sveikata]

I am in love with your fiction. I reread it on repeat while waiting for the new chapter each time. I'm impressed how Pete progressed in accepting his desire for Vegas and asking at the very moment Vegas decided he wouldn't make any moves towards him. It was like an electro shock. And also he admitted to Porshe and Tankun that he has feelings for Vegas! My heart ! I can't wait for the rest of its development! Also, even if it apparently was due to insomnia, are you leaving any clues that Vegas is suffering from depression? I don't know, reading the last chapter, I felt Vegas more and more trapped in his father's grip despite him always wanting to put Pete first. His father no longer seems to even hide the fact that he enjoys discreetly making him suffer in public and I felt Vegas was completely helpless in this situation. He seems completely at the mercy of his father's toxic and vicious cycle of loving him and seeking his attention while never validating any attack on Pete. It's like his dad could do anything to him and all he cares about is that he doesn't hurt Pete. In this chapter, it is clear and obvious that he does not care about his health, I really have the impression that Vegas is behind the curtains in a pattern of self-destruction due to his lack of self-esteem -even. Am I wrong? I have a feeling Vegas is going to have a mental breakdown soon and Pete is going to have to bring him back to his senses.

The psychology of your Pete and Vegas are so fascinating I could talk about it for hours

Ahhh thank you so much!!! Yeah I think it really hit Pete this chap and last just how serious Vegas was about this and they weren’t going to move forward unless it was by his choice. Plus talking with Porsche really helped give him that last push that lightning strike of ‘Vegas wins either way’ so it was always up to Pete to make the next move something that he wants and something he can live with without agonising, regretting or blaming himself later.

Yes we are definitely seeing hints that the situation is completely out of Vegas’ control with his father and though it may seem at times like everything works out for him, he’s largely trapped and always subject to his fathers whims. I’d say there were defs traces of his poor mental state in the last chapter and we can clearly see that he’s dissociating from his body and his injuries. What he did for Pete by wiping out most of the Italian mafia has left him feeling very vulnerable and out of control which is usually where he gets his sense of security from so I’d say yeah he is in kind of a bad way at the moment- which is what Pete picked up on!!!! That boy is slowly learning Vegas language and it’s super important that the first thing he did was try to take care of him- to not use that information to his advantage. Something I would say has happened a lot to Vegas in the past until he learned not to give himself away. Vegas does care about his health in the sense that he wants to remain strong and able and that he relies solely on himself, his strength, and his ruthlessness and his cunning to keep himself alive anything else beyond that I think he learned to disassociate as self preservation with his erratic and impossibly to predict father- a way to protect himself. Which is what’s also making this extremely difficult for him to handle- he can’t control how his father treats him but he has small tastes of power when he’s clever enough to work around him. But right now Vegas can’t rely on himself in the same way being so injured and so sleep deprived- he needs someone else to protect him. But he’s never had anyone else before. And neither has Pete! (I mean his grandma to some extent of course but not in the same way) I do think some of each other’s appeal to the other is that they can be callous and vicious and violent but they in turn see they’re strong enough to protect someone too. Strong enough to be somebody they could finally lean on. That’s a big deal for the both of them who’ve never really had that kind of luxury. And Pete spent a lot of time (unthinkingly of course) proving that he can be that person for Vegas.

Oh you are absolutely right we are going to see a huge emotional outburst from Vegas next chap with the coup! He’s torn between trying to obey his fathers wishes even if he can see the lack of foresight in the plans, and he wants to prove himself worthy whilst also making sure he doesn’t endanger Pete or totally ruin the life that he’s been living in the main family house. Vegas knows there’s the potential of him doing something Pete won’t ever forgive during the coup and that’s just too much pressure for someone like him to handle. Especially not still incapacitated like he is and running on low sleep. He’s kind of in a melting pot of emotional turmoil at the moment and you can bet that’s going to boil over once his father meets his untimely end.

Omg honestly me too!! That’s what got me into this fic the psychology of the both of them is truly so fascinating to me!! Very excited to see how it all comes together when I start writing the next chap!! 💜💜

[dinomites]

Hi. Here's my wild rough draft for the world building for the Pokemon AU for Ayin, Aelia, and Roland.

3 scientists came together, with an interest in how energy flows between humans and Pokemon. How the human consciousness and existence are all connected. Into one flowing path.

They’ve heard of legends of a trio of Pokemon that represented life, death, and balance. But that was the only clue they had to fully understand the connection. During their research, they found a sapling but it was nothing compared to the tree sapling of life. The formation of the branches looked wrong. Angled in a much different position.

With careful precision scientists A and C removed the sapling to move it somewhere else. To a place, it can grow and be watched. With C having determination and hope that “this is the one. This is the breakthrough.“

What was the ruin of a location for the lab turned into brand new; as motivation returned to the trio, more and more information grew.

“This Pokemon has a powerful intellect. In the past, it showed humans: wisdom, understanding, and knowledge. With the help of the Pokemon that is known to be the Bringer of Knowledge. And is the crown of the flow of energy.”

This was only the beginning as their expedition for knowledge continued forward which led them to find a cocoon that would easily mistaken as an oversized egg. And a strangely colored cube that scientist B swore that it sounded like it had millions of tiny heartbeats inside.

Time and time went on and they were heading into a conclusion of these discoveries.

With the cocoon, they discovered:

“This Pokemon shows strong emotions. In the past, it showed humans: mercy, strength, and beauty. With the help of the Pokemon that is known to be the Bringer of Emotion. It is the holder of the center of the flow of energy.”

And finally the cube:

“This Pokemon has the best instinct. In the past, it showed humans: glory, victory, and foundation. With the help of the Pokemon that is known to be the Bringer of Willpower. It also has helped humans understand the base of the flow of energy.”

The three items were dominant forms of Pokemon, the Pokemon that they were looking for. With motivation and strength: the lab becomes bigger to contain the Pokemon while they’re in their sleep until they’re able to show their true forms.

However, something came to C. A strange swarm of Pokemon claimed her and she disappeared right in front of scientist A’s eyes. Never to be seen again. A stricken with grief and loss of not only his mentor but also his friend, he tried to recreate his friend creating an AI that he named Angela. Thinking it would help with his grief of the loss of his mentor it only made it worse as he abandoned the project entirely without the guidance of C.

He left Angela with B and was never seen again. From the sadness and rage that built-in Angela. Her emotions grew in sync with the Pokemon that took C away.

Making a library in its place.

B works in the Library with Angela as a patron of religion, trying to figure out where did A go?

The Library is also the Canalave Library as it is built underneath it. It has nine floors, for the parts of the tree of life. It’s a secret library only special trainers could look into as it has its very own battle challenge if trainers are interested. Each floor has a different Patron with a different team and slightly different rules on how they battle. Each Patron all knew A, B, and C in some form or way. Books can be checked out like a normal library. However, rumors about Unown taking people who don’t turn in their books on time. And turning them into books for the Library.

The Pokemon

Zygarde - Fighting Rock Represents: Hod - Glory Netzach - Victory Yesod - Foundation Malkuth - the Kingdom

Yvetal - Fairy Flying Represents: Geburah - Severity Chesed - Mercy Tipherath - Beauty

Xerneas - Psychic Steel Represents: Keter - the Crown Binah - Understanding Hokma / Chokmah - Wisdom Daath - Knowledge

They're not the main trio but more of a variant. Similar to the Galarian Kanto Birds. I do not have abilities or movesets or designs planned for them yet just typing and what they're supposed to represent.

[alyjojo]

Thinking of You - February 🫦 2024 - Libra

Whole of their energy towards Libra: The Fool rev

Two stories: in the preshuffle I kept picking up on someone that loves you like crazy, but you may travel a lot or something, and they hate when you have to go, they feel bored and restless, or they start feeling like you don’t care about them or something. This person needs a lot of attention and probably has some issues with insecurity. They’re the kind to hint at things and never really bring them up, afraid to say the wrong thing based on past experience probably. They’re likely a lot of work, much of which is unconscious to them - or related to difficult experiences. You basically have to read their mind, they dance around things. For others it’s the opposite, this person wants nothing to do with you so long as there’s a lack of apology, accountability, letting go of toxic habits, mindsets, whatever is between you or has been, they feel it would be foolish for them to even bother reaching out. Devil rev on the bottom with 7 Wands rev underneath, I just hear “there’s no excuse” & they’re out of here. Heavy water 💧 energy.

Feelings: The Moon

They’ve pretty much come to their own conclusions, things have come to light for them, The Sun on the bottom, ways they’ve moved away from toxicity, keeping themselves stuck, overcoming addictions, negative thinking, The Devil can be so many things. Either they have the mindset of “you have no excuse” or you could have done something and just didn’t. They feel like they have the clarity they need, it’s not much, it’s The Moon, but they feel it’s enough for them to remove themselves from the situation. In some way they may feel your own bs is unconscious to you and that’s not their problem. If it’s switched, then it’s more they see you shedding toxic behaviors and doing well for yourself, who are they to stop you? That would be the wrong thing to do.

Intentions: Page of Pentacles rev

They’re not sorry. They feel they’ve given more than enough time, more than enough chances, like beyond even the “decent” or fair amount, they’ve called a spade a spade and things don’t work out sometimes, feeling fully justified in doing so. It’s more like they had to make a decision, and it’s been long enough - 7 Pentacles, 6 Cups too, this is “the past” as far as they’re concerned. If it’s a missed opportunity it’s like oh well. For the insecure lover, they assume all sorts of the worst case scenarios because you don’t talk to them for a long time, or they *cannot* just be clear and ask questions, they have to worm around with hints and subtext, it’s a whole thing. There may be a difficult history there. They feel unappreciated, unnoticed, unloved, when you’re not obviously and intentionally making them a priority - consistently. Often. In either story there is no intention to actually communicate and bring resolution to any issues.

Actions: Queen of Cups

I do get love from this person, if you interact with them at all, they will be very kind, nurturing, and loving towards you, even if you’ve shocked the heck out of them, hurt them, maybe you’ve done something foolish and they want nothing to do with that specifically. I get they can be nice and also live their life, simultaneously. They may have a new set of standards/boundaries for themselves due to whatever has gone on in the past. They may have known you a long time, or they’re moving towards someone else. If you come towards them it would shock them, you could “just be friends” or were and over a long period of time someone’s developed feelings - that’s what’s unexpected. Or you/them moving towards someone else is going to be a shock. Your messages show you already know this on some level, you just haven’t accepted it yet. They’re determined to move on from this 🙏 and if it’s the kinda needy person, they want to move on from that, but they need your help feeling secure & validated.

Messages:

Their side:

- Not a Chance

- I won’t go backwards, only forwards.

Your side:

- We don’t want the same things.

- Cannot Handle Reality 😵‍💫

Possible signs:

Heavy water 💦 Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces, Leo & Virgo

If you’re dealing with:

The Devil rev with 3 Cups underneath, this may show a drinking problem for someone, or overcoming addiction. It can also show your friend group needs a healthy purge, since this is regarding your relationships with people. If people are not good for you, want you to fail, make you feel like ick, there’s no use hanging on to them. You yourself may have been part of some unhealthy dynamic with friends, if so you’re waking up to this. Once you’re down, it doesn’t seem funny anymore. That won’t be for everyone. For some you have friends that like to use substances or party, and you don’t want it anymore. That vibe. Outgrowing toxic social bs. By doing better for you, you may even outgrow others that want to stay stuck. Or that’s switched in some case.

Aries - someone you work with - literally or not - that’s in charge and has a certain standard of behavior, could be your boss, their communication style or what they say could really piss you off

Taurus - done with indecision, making the call

Gemini - they feel betrayed and are cautious because of this, though they may not talk about it much, a person or situation has really hurt their heart - someone may “hurt” literally, and an injury is being pointed out 🤕

Cancer - alone, financially secure, and happy

Leo - plays jealousy games on purpose, they want to get you riled up, it feeds their ego

Virgo - could be this person, it’s going to shock someone when they/you move on to new things, a sudden new beginning

Libra - feels like you’re the one, it’s only a matter of time, you’re their 10 Cups 🩷

Scorpio - in a review period of career, considering making a change or what they want, some are on vacation, quitting, or maybe lost a job, there could be illness in the family…a time of transition

Sagittarius - could be traveling, business or pleasure either one, or have their sights set on a particular goal with their career, some are buying a new car

Capricorn - feels you are extremely argumentative, looks at you like you are a bug under observation, or switch that, one of you just studies the other one - that’s impatient, explosive or highly reactive 🧨

Aquarius - not communicating is a huge burden on someone, them or you

Pisces - coming back around to work together with you on something, fences are mended

[hanchewie]

It’s been a while since I’ve posted regularly on here, let alone shared a life update. And honestly, this one’s mostly just for me. (Though I appreciate anyone who cares to read!)

This past year was a year of change - of rearranging my life in ways I’ve been wanting to for years. I got a new job, moved to a new city, finished my conversion to Judaism. I made friends and read books and started learning a new language. I realized, inexplicably, that I love to sing.

Last night I was at a Pesach seder, and I sat next to two people who go to the same college I used to. They’re only about 5 years younger than me, but it made me realize my time in school feels so distant. Back then, I was so obsessed with finding my passion. Wildlife biology, ASL, archaeology, GIS, environmental studies... it felt like I discovered a new interest every other month, and I’d obsess over building my life around it. I had a few close friends, but I never seemed to find a community where I could set down roots. Looking back, it’s so clear to me that I was hoping to find my One True Passion that would lead to a career I loved, which would then lead to finding My People.

Maybe that works for some people... but for me, the whole thing fell apart after I graduated. I had too many niche interests that shifted as soon as something new caught my eye. I eventually got a job in higher ed admin (student services). It was a stable, predictable job that was completely unrelated to my degree or my myriad interests. And I loved it. It wasn’t the same passionate fascination that I felt for the archaeology digs or tree mapping... but I loved it because I was helping people. I was making connections and listening and learning, and doing what I could to make the path forward a little less overwhelming for the next generation.

Somewhere along the line I started my journey to becoming Jewish, which could honestly be its own separate post. (I’ve shared quite a bit of the story on my sideblog, if anyone’s interested.) But to summarize.... You know how sometimes, there’s something that comes out of nowhere and slots naturally into your life? And looking back, it kind of blows your mind that it wasn’t there all along? Judaism was like that for me.

Several people at my synagogue have asked me if I’d be interested in doing Judaica work. I’ve been asked if I’d like to teach the bar/bat mitzvah kids; if I’ve ever considered rabbinical school. They tell me I have the passion and temperament and thirst for knowledge that’s needed in those areas. And the thing is... yes, of course I’ve considered it. I’m still the same person who spent 5 years in college obsessively searching for a passion I could build my life and career around. But I hesitate to go down that road again, because I don’t want to restart that obsessive (and frankly, unhealthy) cycle. 

But at the end of the day, Judaism feels different from all my other interests. It’s more steady. I’m connected with the community and have built genuine connections. I feel at home. 

I want to use 2023 to settle after a year of so much change. I don’t have to decide now. But this has all been rolling around in my head for a while, so I’d like to give it some serious thought.

[neverluckygoldfish]

31 -

Something I’ve been thinking about lately: we really aren’t in control of anything. Life is going to happen, people are going to people. I think having a false sense of control, a false sense of ego - this is our ultimate hubris.

Why do we care so much about the opinions of others? They never have the full story.

I recognize I speak from a place of privilege and not everyone has the same opportunities or freedom to choose.

If you think about it, we are all so wrapped up in our own heads. No one, NO ONE, is thinking about me as much or in the same way I think about myself. It’s a double-edged sword: we don’t really matter to anyone else as much as we matter to ourselves. It’s a lonely thought. At the same time, it’s so freeing. Those humiliating moments, those mistakes & regret we hang onto and let color everything we think about ourselves moving forward - people aren’t thinking about them the way we do. In fact, I’d venture to say that most of the time, they may not even remember.

Example: I went to a meeting with my good friend while I was visiting my mom. He’s in recovery and he brought up this time that he was being irresponsible & drove over my foot with his car and I was so angry at him. I can’t even recall that happening. Same thing - I brought up this time that he was telling me how broken he felt and I condescendingly told him “well if you know there’s a problem, then go fix it - maybe you just don’t care enough to”. Lol not my most empathetic moment. He barely remembers that conversation.

Everyone is living their own reality. I’m coming to realize truth and fact are not the same - truth is actually incredibly subjective. It’s dependent on the individual and their perception/their beliefs can skew it. It’s like when two people look at the same picture and feel something different. Or when two people are asked to recreate a work of art and their creations are different from each other, in addition to being different from the original. Similar, but not exactly the same.

Wealth, status, power - these are all social constructs. These are ideas. Who came up with them? Certainly not a higher being, but another human before our time. I won’t delve into this too much, but none of it really matters in the long run. That fancy car, being a CEO, being with someone “out of your league” - it won’t give you the validation you seek. It won’t add or take away from who you are, what your intrinsic values are.

So what to do with all of this? Still trying to figure it out but I think it boils down to - do whatever the fuck you want. No one cares, no one’s looking at you (if they are, they’re looking at themselves in you - projecting). This is life, we all get one shot, so don’t be afraid. Acknowledge your past but don’t let it consume you. Every day is a new day, a new opportunity, to: do what you love, say what you feel, start again, change the future.

I’m sitting on a plane to go back home & I’ve had a bit of caffeine lol.