#things simon thinks are funny

[niccolites]

simon is so fun to write bc i truly believe his kink is ultimately like. having sex with u

like he's a guy don't get me wrong he will spit in ur mouth and humiliate u for being needy for his cock. but he doesn't have any stock in 'what he's into'. he's into You. takes ur panties off

[beastwhimsy]

this would happen

[eleu22]

Task Force 141’s go to Tesco Meal Deals

the tescos outside my uni is never fucking stocked i want the sandwich on ghosts so bad but that shit is always gone

John Price

- gets water as his drink (criminal)

- gets the mixed nuts as his snack (criminal)

- he’s smart tho he always gets the boujie water because the meal deal price is set

- the wrap is valid

- usually will also grab another snack bc this isn’t enough maybe like a bag of dried mango or some shit (old)

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

- my headcanon continues to live

- the healthy energy shit tastes like ass but he pretends its good

- does not usually shop at tesco, he’s a waitrose boy

- sometimes indulges in the odd crunchie bar but rarely

John “Soap” Mactavish

- horrifying (i love pepperami sm everyone disses me for it bc i pull that shit out in lesson and it stanks)

- protein to the max ig

- the whole meal fucking stinks

- uses gaz’s club card because he’s too lazy to get his own

Simon “Ghost” Riley

- absolutely classic

- everytime he gets it mentions how cost of living prices have made them more expensive

- grenade bars are disgusting but he loves them for some reason (masochism imo)

- the sandwich is the best one they have bc the bread is always so moist its so fucking good

- the monster bc yall saw the ghost monster can we all know

[soundleer]

lil sprunks sketchbook doodles yippeeee

[flightlesstrash]

ace attorney x pokemon teams! (mostly investigations characters but with phoenix wright)

warning! yapping incoming!

these were all formulated with everything up to aa4 + investigations 1 and 2 in mind as i have not played past that yet! i've already made raymond shields/eddie fender's pokemon team so that doesn't show up here- but it exists!!

before i go into the teams, in this universe the prosecutor and defense attorney badges have been replaced to look more like these pokemon (this is important for later)

now, the investigator himself:

his doublade was given to him by his father before his passing. yes, it is a sword pokemon referencing his last name, but it also has outstanding defensive and offensive strategies. it used to be a defense attorney's pokemon, so it only makes sense that it's a good defender, too! miles himself has proven to be skilled at both as well. (also if you look at my other post about ray's team, his aegislash is related to miles' doublade!)

his gallade was also given to him back when it was a kirlia, but from manfred von karma instead of his father. it is yet another blade pokemon, and similarly to doublade, specializes in both offense and defense. it can defend others with its arm blades, but it can also use them to deal devestating blows very quickly

skarmory is another sharp mon, given to him by manfred. i have less reasoning for this one compared to the other blades, i just think it looks like a mon miles would own. i see it as his fly mon that he uses when it's more convenient to fly via bird than with a private jet (as long as it isn't raining)

his ninetales was also a gift from manfred, given to miles when it was a vulpix. it's very intelligent and fits the whole elegant thing he's got going on

it's hard for me to explain with words why he has an espeon but i mean. of COURSE he has an espeon. yk?? back in elementary, he found three abandoned eevee with larry and phoenix. they each decided to convince their families to let them have one, and miles' later evolved into espeon

finally his dartrix! it was given to him by gregory when it was a rowlet. not only do they have the same hair and similar fancy neck accessories, but they are both extremely precise with their attacks- until they aren't. dartrix spend a lot of time making sure they look their best and get distracted if something about their appearance needs fixing, and that feels very miles edgeworth to me

he also has some pet pokemon!!

the rockruff and shiny sinistea were his and his father's pets, and the persian was from von karma.

as you've probably noticed, most of his mons were given to him or passed down from his father figures. the only exception is espeon

next, that man...

he has a pidgeot that he mega evolves, and while i could say it makes sense to be there because it's a common route 1 bird, i'm going to be completely upfront and say its only actual reason for being on his team is the matching hair lmao

his sylveon was one of the eevee he found with miles and larry. it's the perfect eeveelution for him!!! picturing feenie with a sylveon is the cutest fucking thing ever i love them <3

arcanine are very loyal and protective, and they aren't the kind of mon to shy away from danger- very on par with phoenix. it also parallels miles' ninetales

he got his goomy shortly before the feenie trial, and it's the whole reason he got sick in the first place (he didn't realize just how germy goomy were)

yet another mon i can't quite explain the placement of, he has a cinderace. do you see the vision.

lastly, togedemaru. silly spiky hedgehog mon. need i say more.

next up, the butz-

his smeargle makes art with him and they each help each other hone their skills. he got it as soon as he set his mind to becoming an artist, and they've been inseparable since

he has a magikarp and a feebas because he thinks gyarados looks super cool and strong and milotic would be perfect to have as a model for his art. he can't evolve his pokemon to save his life though, so it's doubtful they will ever achieve their final form. he still loves them, though

there is ONE pokemon he's managed to evolve, which was his umbreon. it was one of the eevee he found with miles and phoenix. the one mon on his team he could evolve was the one that only required a strong friendship. speaking of, you may or may not have noticed that miles, phoenix, and larry's eevee all evolved via friendship......

his wimpod is not only just as cowardly as him, but it also spits out poisonous liquid when startled. that liquid happens to be very smelly, and when something smells... well, you know the rest! he really wants it to evolve into a super cool mon, but despite its inability to do so under larry's training, he still cares for it

he has a luvdisc that he brings around on his first dates for him and whoever he's with at the time to "discover" together. he does it to bring good luck to his relationships, as it is believed to bring about everlasting love between couples who see it. this, however, is obviously fiction, considering his relationships last for a couple months at best, despite his efforts

even in the depths of night, when no other bird dares to take flight!

she has two corvid pokemon. corvisquire are known to use tools (cough cough little thief) and murkrow love anything shiny. i considered giving her a tinkatuff for a short time, until i remembered that she would probably hate that entire line for opposing the corviknight line lmao

floragato is mischievous, dexterous, and likes to pull pranks every now and then. they are GREAT friends, and their antics oftentimes raise poor dadworth's anxiety to a dangerous degree. also, fun fact, kay is a cat person!! ...well, she's more of a bird person, but she does still like cats!

her gengar was inherited from her father. similar to floragato, it is mischievous and likes to pull pranks. it is also very stealthy and likes to hide in the shadows

frogadier is a ninja pokemon, so of course kay would love it! they are very skilled climbers and possess many cool ninja-like skills kay would be obsessed with. they train frequently together

finally her zorua, another mischievous mon. it can create illusions and disguise itself, and that would make it a great team member for the yatagarasu!

lang zi says: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWL!

LOTS. OF. DOGGIES.

as i was making his team, i was concerned having only dogs/wolves would be a little boring or too obvious. after some reflection, i realized lang would 100% only have canine pokemon on his team so i stopped worrying about it

these mons are fierce, loyal, and care for their pack. they all fit very well! they can all howl at the moon with lang and bark at anyone who gets in the way of his investigation. except lycanroc. dusk form lycanroc don't really bark, but lang and the rest more than make up for it

oh? what's this? i'm giving luxray to yet another one of my favorite characters? yes, yes i am. and what're you gonna do about it?! i am unstoppable!!!! i know luxray is more of a lion than a wolf but that shiny is just too perfect. it's still sort of a 'pack' animal anyway so the luxray stays!! i like to imagine it's a bit of an outcast when it comes to other luxray because it acts more 'dog'-like than the others. lang noticed it was rejected from its own 'pack' and took it in in a heartbeat. while unable to exactly howl or bark, it does its best and lang still sees no difference between it and the rest of the pack (lang zi says: trans rights!)

he's also raising a houndoor pup which i think is adorable <3

detective gummy time, pal!

i completely forgot about this until a few days ago, but jake marshall gave him a cactus to talk to about all of his problems. in this universe, the cactus he gave gumshoe was actually a cacnea

he has a yamper nicknamed missile, of course! it's not really fully his since it's a police dog, but they have a really close bond and it's practically his at this point

he has a gumshoos because.... gumshoos.... gumshoe.... get it............. really though they are both very determined and not easily gotten rid of, and both can withstand being very very hungry, which gumshoe has to do often because miles keeps docking his pay. he never lets his mons go hungry, of course! just a lil thing they have in common (poor scruffy)

his fidough helps him make dough for noodles so he can cook homemade ramen. this helps him save money when he needs to and he can spend quality time with his lil guy in the process!

his magnemite acts as his metal detector in universe and is a police mon. like yamper, it's ended up being more of gumshoe's pokemon than the police's

palafin. palafin. pal. afin. ....... outside of the name though, it's very loyal and will do whatever it takes to help out its friends when they're in trouble. when it really needs to pull through, it will! just like gummy <3

make way, foolish fools! it's fran time!

obligatory vine whip mon, a shiny servine. it whips its foes relentlessly and is very prideful. due to its pride, it doesn't like to work with others and takes a long time to warm up to people and pokemon. very franny like, if i do say so myself

she has a shiny gardevoir that was given to her as a kirlia by her father, and it was given to her at the same time as miles' kirlia. she mega evolves it in battle

her shiny starmie is a symbol of her being a prosecutor, and she specifically went on a mission to find a shiny. i think she'd be a shiny hunter in this universe! feels very in character for her. i like to think her shiny obsession started when manfred gave her the shiny kirlia

her shiny galarian rapidash is also very prideful and fearless, and is one of the reasons she is referred to as a "wild mare" by others. she preferred the shiny, so she GOT the shiny

her alolan ninetales was given to her by manfred at the same time as miles' ninetales (both were vulpix at the time), and they are very close. it is a very calm and collected mon, and it helps franziska feel more at ease when the pressure of everything starts to get to her

the alolan persian was yet another mon given to her by her father at the same time as miles' persian. it's one of the many prideful mons franziska has, and it's also very hard to work with- unless your name is franziska von karma, of course!

(last few! spoilers for aai2, in case you haven't played it yet)

now, debeste team for debeste prosecutor!

he has a kricketune to conduct for, and they play music for his quaxwell to dance to. they like to put on shows for others to marvel at (their performances leave much to be desired, though.) he and his quaxwell both put a lot of effort into their hair (canon!), and a part of their morning routine is spending hours in front of the mirror together to perfect it. they also both put a lot of effort into their work, even if their prosecuting and dancing skills.... leave a lot of room for improvement

his leafeon has MATCHING QUESTION MARK HAIR OH MY GOD. i knew i wanted to give him an eeveelution because he 100% had an eevee, and when i saw leafeon. i nearly exploded.

he has a bulbasaur because "its pokedex number is #1, that means it's the best pokemon!" he gave it an eviolite and makes sure it's always carrying it

the cubone cries VERY often just like him, and i like to think that once sebby comes to terms with his father being horrible and lets a lot of that baggage go, the cubone grows from the experience, too, and evolves with him (im not crying theres just something in my eyes i swear)

he's got a deino, and to be completely honest, it's there because of the matching hair. what can i say, it's too perfect to pass up!!

prepare for the goddess of law's righteous judgement!

yes, she has a legendary virizion- shiny, at that!! i figured if anyone would have a legendary on their team it would be her. it's a sword of justice, after all. it's also the most intelligent of the swords of justice trio. ALSO. in pokemon reburst, the swords of justice are captured by GREAT GAVEL. as in verity gavelle. anyway-

dragonair are known as the "divine pokemon", and in this universe the blue gems on justine's clothes are meant to represent the blue crystals on dragonair

the flowers worn by yellow florges are the 'lion lilies' in this universe. they are protective and devote themselves to what they see as important. for florges, this is its flowerbed, and to verity, it's the law

leavanny care deeply for younger pokemon and are very parental. they would both do anything it took to protect their children, even if it meant going against the goddess of law herself

her shiny delphox.... i'm just gonna leave one of its pokedex entries and a segment from justine's fandom page here:

"it leaves burn marks in the ground with the flame at the tip of its wand. long ago, people used the shapes of these burn marks for divination."

"when gavelle investigates crime scenes, she sometimes swings her gavel, hitting the floor and leaving marks."

lastly, her bronzor is based on the yata no kagami. the badge judges wear in japan is based on it, and it's also the basis for verity's japanese name, mikagami, which means water mirror. the mirror is a symbol of god-like wisdom, honesty, and the truth. bronzor are said to reflect the truth, being based on the yata no kagami and all. they were literally made for each other. it's the perfect mon.

nowaynowaynowayyyyyy! it's mr monkey man!

he OBVIOUSLY has the do no evil monkeys on his team, he's literally the three of them stacked in a clown costume (his simipour is evolved because LOOK AT IT. they are the same)

speaking of clown, he has a mr mime. no need to elaborate

his alolan meowth is the one that becomes an armrest instead of the regular cat. alolan meowth are selfish and manipulative, and become hysterical if things go south for them. sound familiar?

his slakoth is there to keep up his silly harmless guy persona, but it later evolves into vigoroth to beat the absolute shit out of him once his true nature is revealed

thanks for coming to my tedtalk <3

if you have any suggestions for the current teams or teams for characters i haven't created yet, i'd love to hear them!

[daydreamycrustacean]

ok but actually it was so funny when simon was like "I wonder what life would have been like if I never found the crown, if I had put aside my passion for looking for highly cursed ancient artifacts" girl you and betty would have both died at war.

[sharpiedoodleee]

need more fics where Ghost is obsessive. where he’ll kill for Johnny, where he *does* and he does it well. where hes fucked up and unhealthy but does it so casually, so without a thought. too used to a fucked up life to know the difference anymore

[science-lings]

You cannot tell me that Simon 'twisted samurai' Blackquill, LA's resident vaguely british man and total weeb with a special interest in swords, would not recognize Karuma on sight. I just imagine that Phoenix has it displayed in his office because of its historical and specifically lawyer-related significance and Blackquill comes in because he lost the rock-paper-scissors match against the other prosecutors to run their errands for the day and he sees that katana and has an autism moment.

There's also the lore behind the von Karma name that makes the idea that Phoenix ends up with the Asogi clan's heirloom very funny to me.

[lunarw0rks]

buying an old, secluded house in the scottish highlands, intending on renovating and reselling it. but you find out quickly that it's haunted. like, haunted haunted.

at first, you refuse to believe a man that pretty would be dead. let alone, a nefarious spirit with... questionable intentions.

but, compared to the (literal) horror stories you've heard, spirit!johnny is pretty cordial in his ways of messing with you. always picks up the books he knocks over to startle you, or when you scream at him to give you back your keys, or quit hiding your glasses, dammit

sometimes, when you're in the right mood, you find it comforting to know you're not all alone out in the middle of nowhere. it's not like you can tell your friends and family any details of this. you'll sound downright insane.

you learn to deal with the strong scent of his cologne or the creak of his footsteps (which you only hear because he wants you to, of course).

and—naturally—the feeling of large hands smoothing along your spine, down to your hips, a thumb strumming your lips. possessively, right as sleep engulfs you. the first few times you chalk it up to an erotic fantasy that only surfaces when you're exhausted and bordering on delirium.

however, it proves difficult to rationalize the voice. especially when he knows your name.

[leoleolovesdc]

icl i’m not knowledgeable enough on what were the original plans for yellowjackets but from the few stuff i’ve read i can kind of see where some of the complaints (mainly in the adult timeline) in the later seasons come from. van doesn’t have a lot to do bc she was supposed to die; tai’s arc feels all over the place bc van not dying and her affair being cut out completely changed her storyline; misty ends up being more of a comedic relief and is shunned to the side bc she was supposed to be a potential villain and they had to rework her place in the story; yadda yadda yadda.

and that’s just some small stuff i picked up from reading one or two scripts😭😭

[budyak]

No time to heal

[tragictempest]

My Favorite School Spirits Scenes&Dialogue

[Feel free to use any of these as writing prompts]

CW: School Spirits Spoilers, Innapropriate Language, Mentions of Murder

---

(Maddie and Simon walk into the auto shop looking for evidence)

Simon: Talk about a perfect place to dump a body... He ever bring you here?

Maddie: .....

Simon: Oh jeez. This is where you guys hooked up?

Maddie: I'm not answering that.

Simon: Classy guy.. What, was the dumpster behind the Jack In The Box already taken?

Maddie: Oh, grow up. You tried to make a move on Celeste Molina at the bowling shoe return counter.

Simon: That was eighth grade!

Maddie: It was ninth! You just looked like an eighth grader.

---

Xavier: And you know what they say...

Maddie: What do they say?

Xavier: Bros before... strong, independent women with bright futures, it's a very popular phrase.

Maddie: You're stupid... you're lucky you're cute.

Xavier: What the Lord deny in brain, he deliver in beauty.

Maddie: And boy did he deny.

---

Maddie: Look, I can't really chat right now because I've got some holes in my memory to fill.

Wally: Hey, that's why I'm here, I can totally help you fill your holes.

---

Maddie: ...Excuse me?

Wally: Oh, uh, obviously I did not mean for it to come off that way.. it was more of a hypothetical "I can help you figure things out if you need it."

Maddie: Okay... I can handle it myself. And I don't need to take advice from someone who looks like they're headed to aerobics class.

Maddie: You were murdered by your guidance counselor?

Rhonda: Yep. Guided me straight to the light.

---

Rhonda: There's still people in this school that count on you. Dead people.

Maddie: Since when did you stop majoring in who-gives-a-fuck?

Rhonda: We all have to pitch in, pussytoes.

Maddie: I'm sorry, what did she just call me?

Charley: I.. I think it's probably a flower...?

Maddie: 'kay...

---

Simon: You hate scary movies, just own it.

Nicole: That's not true. I liked Scream.

Simon: That's scary satire, doesn't count.

Maddie: And you closed your eyes the second the movie started.

Nicole: No I didn't.

Maddie: You spent half the movie looking for that twizzler you dropped on the ground.

Simon: And you don't even like black licorice, that's Maddie's thing.

Nicole: Yeah, well, Maddie didn't invent black licorice.

---

Charley: The bigger disappointment was me thinking I would get to haunt all the assholes who tortured me while I was here. But uh, instead, I was haunted by all the jokes they made once I was gone.

Maddie: What do you mean?

Charley: I was a gay kid in the 90s who died because he was allergic to nuts.

Maddie: ...

Charley: Okay, that's where you're supposed to laugh.

---

Simon: Nicole, you were supposed to give me a ride this morning. To school? Remember?

Nicole: I had stuff to do. Sorry.

Simon: I figured, you were AWOL all weekend, didn't answer a single text.

Nicole: I had an application deadline, okay? So the video statement was due, my portfolio looks like it was slapped together by a third grader, so..

(A minute later, Simon opens up her binder and looks at her portfolio)

Simon: Hmm. FYI, you're a very impressive third grader. I mean, I'm impressed.

(He turns to a page that's full of half a dozen photographs of Maddie)

Simon: Uhh.. and a little concerned. Damn, she knew you took all these?

Nicole: I took a bunch of you too, you're just.. not photogenic..

Simon: Yeah.. but.. this is intense. I mean, it's cool, it's just a lot of maddiemaddiemaddiemaddiemaddiemaddie —

Nicole: — What are you trying to say?

Simon: ..Nothing. Hey. Breathe, stop doubting yourself, okay? If admission asks why you're obsessed, say you worshipped her. Tell 'em she taught you how to parallel park.

---

Maddie: Seriously? All we do is haunt the halls of the stupid school, and none of you have seen anything suspicious from Anderson?

Wally: Well, one time I saw Mr. Anderson misspell the word "Fundraiser" on a Boosters Club poster, and I – he forgot the D. I feel like that's pretty suspicious coming from an English teacher.

Charley: Wally.. I'm pretty sure that was a pun..? So I'm assuming he probably did that on purpose....

Rhonda: Sorry, sweets, we don't just stand around staring at the living all day.

Maddie: No.. you plan weekend fun. Like movie nights.

Mr. Martin: Well, we do what we can to break up the monotony, Maddie, that's all.

Charley: Well, if I may.. to be fair, watching the same five sports movies over and over again is kind of monotonous, Mr. Martin.

Wally: I thought you loved "Rudy".

Charley: No.

Wally: Wow. Just w– I can't even.

---

Rhonda: How are you not pissed right now!?

Wally: I am pissed, Rhonda, I'm just trying to make sense of this all, this is very new to me, I don't know how I feel —

Rhonda: Try not to lose it in front of your crush.

Wally: OK, YOU DONT HAVE TO BE MAD AT ME RHONDA -- I DIDNT DO ANYTHING, BE MAD AT HIM —

Rhonda: I am mad at him.

Wally: Okay, you said you wouldn't bring that up again —

---

Maddie: Have you seen my teacher Mr. Anderson?

Dawn: You mean like him with a murder weapon? Or your dead body?

Maddie: Yes!

Dawn: Nope! Though I am pretty easily distracted...

Maddie: Is it the.. bad acid?

Dawn: ....?

Maddie: Charley mentioned something about that..

Dawn: Well no, I've never taken drugs! I just meant from all the new ways you kids have had to connect... (starts talking about the internet)

Maddie: Okay.. well I've got to go talk to the bus crash kids.

Dawn: Oh, good luck. Those banjos are all bongo, if you know what I mean... You should let me come with! I speak bongo.

---

Nicole: I'm sorry, when did you become all Scooby Doo?

Claire: ...

Nicole: I mean, two months ago, you were wiping your feet on Maddie's face, now you're... what? Trading in your pom pom for a trench coat?

---

(Charley laying on the indoor pool bleachers with sunglasses over his glasses, smelling sunscreen)

Charley: Ah, I love this smell. Coconut, verbena.. you close your eyes, you could be anywhere. Miami.. Aruba...

Rhonda: Yeah, and then you open them, and there's a band-aid floating in the surf.

Charley: I miss a good sunburn.

Wally: I miss Debbie Gibson.

Rhonda: ...??

Wally: What? I thought we were talking about stuff that we miss.

---

(Emilio walks past Charley and makes him gay panic)

Rhonda: Dial it downnn.. just because you smell like an Almond Joy, doesn't mean he knows you're here.

Wally (to Maddie): That's Mr. Figueroa. Emilio. He was Charley's crush when they were still students here. He sponsors the.. L-G..T —

Rhonda: — B.

Wally: B-T-Q club.. and Charley never misses a meeting.

Charley: I only go for the refreshments.. and uh, you're one to talk. You hit the gym every day to impress some boneheads who only know you as a name on a scoreboard.

---

Charley: Okay, let's try hypnosis.

(Dawn randomly spawns in the back, sitting at the table eating the burrito)

Dawn: Oh, God no... Not that.

Wally: Hello, Dawn.. uhhh, how long — how long you been sitting there, girl?

Dawn: Since I smelled the burrito 😊

---

(The ghosts are gathered in a circle so they can begin the anti-seance as Dawn waves an old, burnt Brussels sprout around as a substitute for sage)

Dawn: Settle, settle, settle, settle. We're under Capricornus.

Rhonda: ...who?

Dawn: The stars. Close your eyes, look inward, right to the back of your skull. What are you seeing, Mads?

Maddie: Uh, not much, it's dark..

Dawn: Dark!

Rhonda: Maybe it's the back of her skull.

---

Xavier: I just -- I feel like I'm walking into a trap.

Maddie: Funny. I don't recall you being scared when you were hooking up in your backseat.

---

Rhonda: If I thought it would help me cross over, I would go out there and tackle someone.

Mr. Martin: Okay, that's the spirit.. I think.

---

Xavier: I wasn't tampering with anything, dad.

Sheriff Baxter: Man, how stupid do you think I am? What are we, runnin' neck and neck in the dumbass derby?

---

Wally: I wanna make sure she's okay!

Rhonda: Let's check the faculty lounge..

Charley: She didn't say she needed a nap.

Rhonda: Maybe she went to speak with Simon. Sorry.

Wally: Why are you sorry?

Rhonda: You wince every time you hear his name.

Wally: This is not me wincing, this is my happy face.

Rhonda: Ah, could have fooled me.

Wally: Look -- I know she's still trying to figure her stuff out, but I can wait. We're not even at halftime.

Rhonda: I don't know what that means.. but if that is your happy face, remind me to hide when you're really happy.

---

(Maddie and her mom arguing before Maddie's death)

Maddie: You wanna take everything that dad gave me? Here. Take this.

(Maddie rips her necklace off and hands it to her mom)

Maddie: You could pawn it, get 40 bucks from it. Buy yourself a fucking welcome mat.

---

Xavier: If I ask her about the phone, she's just gonna bail!

Simon: Stop being a fucking coward!

Xavier: A coward -- FUCK YOU SIMON.

---

Simon: SAYONARA, SHIT RIVER!! Northwestern won't know what hit 'em!!

(proceeds to bump into somebody walking through the hall as he says that)

Maddie: Slow your roll, we're not even in yet.

(Bell rings)

Mr. Anderson: You degenerates are late!

Nicole: I'm not even in your class..

Mr. Anderson: You're still late.. and degenerate.

---

Claire: What did you tell the police?

Mr. Anderson: I told them the truth. That I took that money to pay off my dad. Is that okay with you? Cool. Can I go?

Claire: Did you say anything about me!?

Mr. Anderson: Y'know what? I don't remember! 😛

---

Mr. Martin: It sounds like you're struggling. Write your obituary.

Maddie: Uh, no.

Mr. Martin: Everyone here has written one. It helps us to focus on the highlights of our lives, the sweet victories.

Maddie: I've gotten out of writing papers before because of cramps. I'm pretty sure death counts as a good excuse.

---

Simon: Happy?

Maddie: Yeah, I'm thrilled. My DNA is on a boiler room wall and my piece of shit boyfriend might have something to do with that. Does it get much happier!?

Simon: Oh, so now you come around? How many times did I tell you that dude was sketchy?

Maddie: This isn't about him keeping hand lotion in his glove compartment, Simon.

---

Simon: Bathrooms.. you're not gonna linger and wait there... right?

Maddie: ...

Simon: MADDIE

Maddie: Relax, I left before I saw anything.... But you should really wash your hands more.

Simon: Okay and now I'm hanging up. Byeeeee!

[goldenasirpa]

I truly feel like the Guide is being purposefully antagonistic this season.

She like... 100% made the Hex that's plaguing Nadja, right? (I thought we were supposed to assume this but maybe I'm insane) and I'm sorry but she, more than anyone, should be aware that the Van Helsing business would set off the Baron.

So I am more than a little worried about the fact she's in on the Guillermo secret now.

[mewkwota]

And none of them can be held responsible as the DD.

(They're going to walk home anyway.)

[can-i-roll-for-it]

new idea for a crack ship I have is Doug x Simon from the new episode

[the-blossica-fan]

Fun Fact: If you get two grenades, it is essentially easy mode 😭

On another note, the team was Lucy, Lorelei, Tooth Fairy and Vila

...At this point, Vila is the only sane one 😭 /lh

I spent quite some time looking for the grenade expecting some sort of realistic, bombastic grenade. Remembered this is Reverse 1999, turned to the critter

Oh poor Vila, being filled with so much optimism to go through the women who desperately cling to those hinges.

Vila: Comrade Lorelei is hurt! We got to do something to heal her

Tooth Fairy: Oh, don't worry. I'll take care of this.

Vila: Right, you're a docto- Comrade Tooth Fairy, why are you grabbing a fairy from the jar?

Tooth Fairy: This is the most effective way to treat an arcanist

Vila: Is that so? I have never heard of Faeries being able to- COMRADE TOOTH FAIRY?!

Vila: Does it hurt, Comrade Lucy?

Lucy: Oh, not at all. My body is not human at all, therefore, any wounds I get are not as painful as any humane injury.

Vila: But, doesn't it damage your inner system? Pardon me for pushing but you should take good care of your body, even if it's not human

Lucy: There is no need to worry, miss Vila, this is not the wirest I've been through

Vila: Even if- wait...

Vila: You seem like a young child, are you sure you want to fight alongside us? You could get hurt.

Lorelei: There is no need to worry about me, miss. I will live for as long as I'm allowed, these challenges are just a stone in the path. This is safer than the flood

Vila: ...you mean the storm?

She goes back to the suitcase with the one thousand yard stare, she might need some more time getting used to the... Particular way the people in the suitcase act