#this episode is so STUPID i miss kenny

[rockfact]

watching south park is so fun but also every 2 seconds i have to pause and turn around because if i was in this situation iwould cry

[iambicpentameterhamster]

Every umbrella academy character ranked (seasons 1-4)

After that shitshow of a fourth season, i felt it necessary to redo this.

#36 -The Sparrows (Jayme, Alphonso, Fae etc.)

The show had no clue what to do with these characters. They sit around being evil for a little while only to promptly die within four episodes. Also one of them is a fucking cube?!? Whats up with that?

#35 - Sloane

How come she disappears in season 4 but not sparrow Ben? So much of this makes no sense.

#34 -Sparrow Ben

I hate this character with my whole being. He goes around calling people emo as if HE DOESNT WAKE UP EVERY MORNING WITH A SCOWL ON HIS STUPID FACE AND EMO HAIR ON HIS STUPID FOREHEAD. He's so rude and awful and i'm given no reason by the show to give a shit where he ends up.

#33 -Carl Cooper

This one speaks for itself.

#32 -Reggie's wife

The two of them annoyed me so much.

#31 -Viktor

Moochy emo sod. Elliott Page's acting got progressively worse throughout the series (and i like Elliott Page, but this wasnt his best work.)- season 1 Vanya was tolerable, beyond that i couldn't stand this character. All his jokes land flat and he has the charisma of a piece of cardboard.

#30 -Season 4 Five

For the sake of this ranking, i am treating seasons 1-3 Five and season 4 Five as seperate characters. Seems like the writers were doing the same. What the fuck, guys? How do you bulldoze a character this badly?

Season 4 Five was unfunny, selfish, cowardly, and most of all on a different plane of being from the Five we all knew and loved. Screw you, season 4 Five, you're not canon.

#29 -Season 4 Lila

I'm treating Lila the same way. Season 4 Lila was an injustice to seasons 2-3 Lila.

#28 -Harlan

Couldn't care less about him. He represents to me when the umbrella academy started going to shit in season 3.

#27 -Jennifer

Again, we are given no reason to care about her.

#26 -Pogo

He was just there for the exposition. They never explained why Reggie was doing experiments on monkeys??

#25 -Reggie

He was quite a good villain but i still hate him. Really goofy at times, too.

#24 -Jean and Gene

They were quite good actually. If season 4 wasn't a dumpster fire, i reckon they'd have been able to really shine.

#23 -Cha Cha

This is getting into better territory. I liked Cha Cha, she was badass, but not well developed.

#22 -Detective Patch

Again, i liked her, but she wasn't given much time to develop as a character.

#21 -The Swedes

They were funny, whimsical villains that were fun to watch on screen. Funny and whimsical are two adjectives that TUA used to embody.

#20 -Elliott

My guy just wanted to eat fish and be a conspiracy theorist 😔

#19 -Sissy

Welcome back, Sheldon's mum.

In all seriousness, she was well acted despite Viktor's actor giving her nothing to work with, so props to her.

#18 -Dave

WE GOT ZERO MENTIONS OF DAVE IN SEASONS 3-4?!? DESPITE HIM BEING A HUGE PART OF KLAUS'S CHARACTER?!?! WHEN I CATCH YOU WRITERS-

#17 -Destiny's children

I am in fact an active member

#16 -Luther

I have bumped Luther up my list because in seasons 3-4 he sort of embraces his goofiness, but in seasons 1-2 he is an insufferable, incestuous moron. He is up here for good character development and i wished he could have ended up with Sloane.

#15 -Agnes

She was really cute and sweet, i liked her a lot. RIP season 1, you were peak.

#14 -Herb and Dot

They were sweet and funny too, and i miss the whole idea of the time commission.

#13 -Kenny's mum

An honourable mention

#12 -Grace

Grace was super well performed and poignant. I have no issues with Grace.

#11 -Stan

Live, laugh, love Stan. I hate that the trauma of losing him was never mentioned in season 4 for Diego or Lila.

My top 10

#10 -Lenoard Peabody/ Harold Jenkins

I stand by him being one of the best-acted and most cleverly written villains of all time. He is not only a well-executed surprise villain, but a scarily accurate one, and the actor plays him to perfection. We even start to like him before the cracks show. Also he looks like a creepy version of Lin Manuel Miranda.

#9 -Ray

Season 4 did Ray DIRTY. It was completely out of character for him to just walk out. They could have at least have him die in a tragic accident or something. Season 2 Ray is the perfect, most charismatic, ideal man and i hold him in my heart forever and in my head Alison and Ray ended up together.

#8 -Hazel

He had one of the best arcs on the show, period. Continues to represent everything good about the first two seasons of TUA. He was flawed, he was human, he was loveable.

#7 -Umbrella Ben

He seemed like he could have been a brilliant character with more screen time. His sacrifice in season 2 was a genuinely moving moment. The backstreet boys moment is SO FUNNY and his and Klaus's dynamic is something i really miss.

#6 -The Handler

We don't appreciate The Handler enough. The show started rolling downhill as soon as The Handler was gone. She was the glue that held the show together, one of the best villains/antagonists in TV history.

#5 -Allison

Yes, season 3 Allison made some stupid choices and did some terrible things, but a lot of it came from grief and she redeemed herself in season 4 imo. Seasons 1-2 Allison was one of the most charismatic, endearing and empathetic characters on the show.

#4 -Seasons 1-2 Lila

I love you. I miss you. Come back to me.

#3 -Diego

Bumped up the list for being a CONSISTENTLY good character who is flawdd but still extremely loveable and hilarious.

#2 -Seasons 1-3 Five

Seasons 1-3 Five would shoot season 4 Five in the face. He is the daddy here, and season 4 Five is the creepy uncle.

Original Five is a masterfully crafted, hilarious, unique, intelligent character and i will not let season 4 ruin it for me.

#1 -Klaus

This needs no justification.

What do you think? How far do you agree?

[creativity-deficient]

Thoughts on the new special! (Spoilers ahead!)

- Really enjoyed the message of the episode! Thought some pretty important things were brought up, such as the abuse of these weight loss drugs from people who don’t even need them, the pressure society puts on you to look at certain way and the negative consequences that can have, and the fault with our health care system/society and how difficult it is to have willpower nowadays

- I loved seeing the main five again I’ve missed their shenanigans

- Kyman shippers were probably eating during this special, huh?

- The cereal mascots plotline was so f*cking out of nowhere but I don’t expect any less from this show 😭😭

- “Ahh! Tony the Tiger killed Kenny!” That made me laugh way harder than it should’ve. Also can’t remember the last time we saw Kenny die tbh.

- This really was the milf special huh? Also Randy PLEASE stop saying milf

- Although I hate that they gotta include Randy in EVERYTHING, I kinda love him being one of the gals

- He and Sharon were really sweet at the end of the special.

- “Yeah I love them (drugs)!” Yes we know you do Mrs Tweak.

- Finally got a name for Mrs Testaberger

- Car chase scene was kinda epic

- Shelley friends reveal!

- Freckled Kyle truthers are eating rn

- Gotta love Kyle’s growth in this special. It was really satisfying seeing him overcome his fatphobia.

- That ending though 😭 Damnnit Cartman why you gotta ruin everything lmaooo

- Don’t quite understand the characters not having anything to retaliate with when it comes to Cartman’s behavior now that they can’t make fun of him for being fat. Like they’ve never hesitated to call out Cartman for his stupidity and bigotry before, why should that change anything?

- Creek crumbs

[spacedlexi]

Kenny and Violet anon here YES.

Violet is upset because someone she defended against her found family of 8 years let her get taken by brainwashing adults for 2 seconds and everyone flips their lid.

But Kenny refuses to stop a train, and gets into a whole fight with Lee over it (AND REFUSES TO HELP YOU FIND A LOST LITTLE GIRL WHILE YOU’RE FIGHTING OFF AN INFECTION, where as Violet always defends you in Episode 1 regardless of whether you ignored and/or antagonized her or not), and gets mad at an 11 year old for not being able to handle helping someone in labor by herself and everybody’s like “Nah it’s okay, his family died years ago so he gets to do whatever he wants.” as if Violet didn’t witness one of the only consistent family members in her life die in front of her 💀

There’s so many comparisons I could make and one day I’ll make a Venn Diagram about all of their similarities but for now I’m glad someone pointed this out.

there are some things kenny does that have No excuse (like refusing to help bitten lee look for missing clem all because hes mad you didnt side with him enough. leaving lee to singlehandedly save himself in the pharmacy because he got scared. threatening to slap clem for blaming herself for lees death. off the top of my head). but his behavior on the train is annoying yet understandable. he doesnt want to admit his son is dying and he feels like duck dying in the first place is his fault for not saving shawn. you can convince him to stop without things getting physical

the Problem comes in when people can understand and sympathize with kennys annoying/shitty actions, but when it comes to violet (who has the same "my family is dead and its made me bitter and closed off" backstory (and her whole arc is about learning to love and care again)), suddenly all understanding goes out the window. even tho shes not even a FRACTION as annoying and shitty as kenny can get 😭😭

violet is mean to clem for the One scene where youre introduced to her (ignoring your first moment with her in the courtyard where shes smiling at clem so you already know her shitty attitude later is a lie. louis even defends her. wingman lol. and depending on what you say in response to her you can Immediately see the regret on her face LOL). but before the scene even Ends shes complimenting clem and clem loves it. then youre forced to talk to her and tenn about the twins, you have a nice card game where you can joke around with her, then she shows up at the dorm and they have a nice heart to heart about how theyre BOTH struggling with the loss of people theyve loved, and they can sympathize about both being harsher than they intend (THEY GET EACH OTHER CANONICALLY)

and vi not being "a people person" is a huge part of her arc?? she doesnt like that shes like this 😭 but shes also better with people than she gives herself credit for and its why she makes a good leader. (and even if you pick the "came off strong" option clem is OBVIOUSLY teasing about it but vi cant tell and gets defensive ("its not like im trying to be bffs or whatever. sorry" is so "you want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid" of her)

and then after this shes never mean to clem again?? (unless you antagonize her but even then its mostly just about her standing her ground and not taking shit she doesnt deserve. which is fair). shes only mean to brody while fishing (and shes mean to brody because deep down she blames HERSELF) and the whole POINT of that scene is to try and mend their broken relationship which immediately makes vi a happier/nicer person if you do (also interesting how louis doesnt get any shit for His behavior while hunting 🤨 no hes just cool and fun). violet also apologizes for being "weird" in the dorms the previous night as well (bby girl why are you afraid that everything you do is weird 😭 she says that word a lot)

violet will Always have clems back (in EP1 and 2!!) No Matter What you do or say to her. i think people take her loyalty for granted. so if you dont save her in EP2 and expect to continue to have her unwavering loyalty in EP3? thats a You problem. she is Fucked Up mentally on that boat by lilly and her not-exactly-ex, and then gets caught in the explosion she didnt want anything to do with. AND THEN SHE APOLOGIZES because she recognizes she was WRONG

(not her literally trying to make a joke about it to ease the tension 😭 people dont give her credit for also having a sense of humor. like louis is the only one who cracks jokes around here) but again when it comes to kenny his actions are understandable and defendable even without an apology 🙄 i literally side with kenny on Everything except the larry thing and if you dont make the right dialogue choice with him? he will not help you look for clem. because of larry 😐 i killed your son for you bro and then took care of his walker doppelganger so you didnt have to. and this isnt even touching his behavior in S2. and yet despite everything he does hes still one of the most beloved characters in the fandom 🤨

i just have to remind myself sometimes that all vi options were made 53-61% and the vi haters are a loud minority. her always being above 50% is so interesting to me because i love when choices are split perfectly 50/50. but the way the fandom talks about her (and the women in general) you wouldnt think shes technically the more popular option (and i Hate playing the popularity card its so annoying, but im only doing it bc people also say shit like "maybe if vi wasnt so mean more people would pick her" they DO pick her!!! you just got mad she was mean for 5 seconds, never payed attention to her again, and used her determinate reaction on the boat as justification for not liking her 😑) (also ignores how mean louis gets in EP2 regardless of choice?? but like kenny His actions are defendable and sympathetic and hers arent 🙄)

[feministsouthpark]

South Park Filler Guide - Season 14

Link for Seasons  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12 13

You know the drill by now, I’ll judge whether an episode has all the qualities of a canon one, or is it just shameless filler. S14E1 Sexual Healing is LORE S14E2 The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs is FILLER

Both Tiger Woods and Sarah Jessica Parker are seen henching for Tom Cruise a few episodes later, so I suppose you can count them in, however in Sarah's case she was found dead in her origin episode, so that one counts less, but you can't really miss the point either way. Remember how often the show treated Butters only as a Kenny replacement? Well now it doesn't have to be an either/or deal, as we finally get never-seen-before the four boys + Butters dynamic. S14E3 Medicinal Fried Chicken is FILLER S14E4 You Have 0 Friends is FILLER

Randy and Eric get their first dual episode, which is two separate issue of the week storylines tied together by the beginning sequence. Stan goes on facebook before deleting it. S14E5 200 is CANON S14E6 201 is CANON

If you watch only the canon episodes, half the series is a build-up to these two excellent episodes. Watch these at any cost, they are spectacular and the main event I've been talking about all this time. In fact, I plan to dissect these two episodes in a separate post later. S14E7 Crippled Summer is CANON S14E8 Poor and Stupid is FILLER

The annual Jimmy episode IS canon this time, thanks to it also being the first chapter of the Nathan and Mimsy arc. The NASCAR episode though just happens and rides on. S14E9 It's a Jersey Thing is LORE S14E10 Insheeption is FILLER

Kyle is from Jersey. Stan is a hoarder. One of them explains in detail Kyle's and Sheila's roots, and for that, despite never being talked again, at least it's part of the lore of who they are. In Stan and Mr Mackey's origin of their hoarding it's simply filler since that issue is not a huge part of their characters otherwise. S14E11 Coon 2: Hindsight is CANON S14E12 Mysterion Rises is CANON S14E13 Coon vs. Coon & Friends is CANON

Huge part of the canon, the immortality of Bradley is finally explained after so many years. The Coon also returns once more. S14E14 Créme Fraiche is CANON

Chef gets replaced at last. That's not why it's canon, it's because of Randy and Sharon's ongoing relationship arc.

SPOILER-FREE RUNDOWN

Again, CANON means you should watch it, FILLER means you can skip it, LORE is somewhere in-between, any episode with the LORE label will have an explanation that helps you decide if you should include it or not.

S14E1 Sexual Healing is LORE* S14E2 The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs is FILLER S14E3 Medicinal Fried Chicken is FILLER S14E4 You Have 0 Friends is FILLER S14E5 200 is CANON S14E6 201 is CANON S14E7 Crippled Summer is CANON S14E8 Poor and Stupid is FILLER S14E9 It's a Jersey Thing is LORE** S14E10 Insheeption is FILLER S14E11 Coon 2: Hindsight is CANON S14E12 Mysterion Rises is CANON S14E13 Coon vs. Coon & Friends is CANON S14E14 Créme Fraiche is CANON

*Tiger Woods is in this one and he'll later say a sentence about how the town mistreated him **If you're interested in Kyle's and Sheila's origins, watch this one

CANON counter:

S1: 9 out of 13  S2: 3 out of 18  S3: 6 out of 18  S4: 10 out of 17  S5: 8 out of 14  S6: 11 out of 17 S7: 6 out of 15 S8: 4 out of 14 S9: 8 out of 14 S10: 4 out of 14 S11: 4 out of 14 S12: 8 out of 14 S13: 3 out of 14 S14: 7 out of 14

Overall: 91 out of 210

[fatsillykewn]

HEYY EVERYNAN

I’m kinda lost on what to post on this account so I’ve decided I wanted to share my South Park favorites list. These are my favorite episodes so far in my re-run of the tv show! ENJOY 😽

Best episodes are in the chronological order of the tv show: Starts with season one at the bottom, ends with the current season I am on at the top. The episodes listed are my personal favorites out of each season. The numbered list has no relation to favoritism!

(The entire show of South Park + banned episodes) for reference:

https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1_bCeYxekGm4CG1np1occgxPGnjizbR00

1. S20-

2. S19E7 Naughty Ninjas

3. S19E6 Tweek X Craig

4. S19E4 You’re Not Yelping

5. S19E1 Stunning And Brave

6. S18E10 #HappyHolograms

7. S18E9 #Rehash

8. S18E8 Cock Magic

9. S18E7 Grounded Vindaloop

10. S18E3 The Cissy

11. S17E6 Ginger Cow

12. S17E5 Taming Strange

13. S17E2 Informative Murder Porn

14. S16E10 Insecurity

15. S16E8 Sarcastaball

16. S16E7 Cartman Finds Love

17. S16E6 I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining

18. S16E4 Jewpacabra

19. S16E3 Faith Hilling

20. S15E12 1%

21. S15E9 The Last Of The Meheecans

22. S15E8 Ass Burgers

23. S15E5 Crack Baby Athletic Association

24. S15E1 HUMANCENTiPAD

25. S14E14 Crème Fraiche

26. S14E13 Coon vs. Coon & Friends

27. S14E12 Mysterion Rises

28. S14E9 It’s A Jersey Thing

29. S14E8 Poor and Stupid

30. S14E4 You Have 0 Friends

31. S13E14 Pee

32. S13E11 Whale Whores

33. S13E8 Dead Celebrities

34. S13E7 Fatbeard

35. S13E5 Fishsticks

36. S12E13 Elementary School Musical

37. S12E11 Pandemic (2)

38. S12E10 Pandemic (1)

39. S12E9 Breast Cancer Show Ever

40. S12E3 Major Boobage

41. S12E1 Tonsil Trouble

42. S11E14 The List

43. S11E12 Imaginationland (3)

44. S11E11 Imaginationland (2)

45. S11E10 Imaginationland (1)

46. S11E7 Night Of The Living Homeless

47. S10E10 Miss Teacher Bangs A Boy

48. S10E7 Tsst

49. S10E2 Smug Alert!

50. S9E11 Ginger Kids

51. S9E10 Follow That Egg

52. S9E9 Marjorine

53. S9E1 Mr Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina

54. S8E14 Woodland Critter Christmas

55. S8E6 The Jeffersons

56. S8E5 AWESOM-O

57. S8E1 Good Times With Weapons

58. S7E11 Casa Bonita

59. S7E8 South Park Is Gay!

60. S7E2 Krazy Kripples

61. S6E7 Simpsons Already Did It

62. S6E6 Professor Chaos

63. S5E14 Butters’ Very Own Episode

64. S5E13 Kenny Dies

65. S5E10 How To Eat With Your Butt

66. S5E6 Cartmanland

67. S4E15 Fat Camp

68. S4E6 Cherokee Hair Tampons

69. S3E9 Jewbilee (3)

70. S3E8 Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub (2)

71. S3E7 Cat Orgy (1)

72. S3E5 Tweek vs. Craig

73. S2E17 Gnomes

74. S2E15 Spooky Fish

75. S2E10 Chickenpox

76. S1E8 Starvin’ Marvin

[south-park-polls]

South Park Song Tournament: Round 2!

[make sure to follow @votemattrey for more south park related polls!]

Thank you all so much for the engagement you've shown with round one of my tournament! Round 2 will begin tomorrow!

The songs still in the tournament are as follows:

South Park Theme Song

I'm Gonna Make Love to You, Woman - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe (S1 E1)

The Lonely Jew on Christmas - Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo (S1 E9)

Chocolate Salty Balls - Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls (S2 E9)

Underpants Gnomes Work Song - Gnomes (S2 E17)

I Hate You Guys - Jakovasaurs (S3 E4)

Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics (S3 E15)

Carol of the Bells - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics (S3 E15)

Christmas Time in Hell - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics (S3 E15)

Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics (S3 E15)

Merry Fucking Christmas - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics (S3 E15)

O Holy Night - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics (S3 E15)

Fingerbang - Something You Can Do With Your Finger (S4 E8)

Wendy's Audition Song - Something You Can Do With Your Finger (S4 E8)

It's Butters! - Butters' Very Own Episode (S5 E14)

Montage - Asspen (S6 E2)

Sea People and Me - The Simpsons Already Did It (S6 E7)

The Ballad of Lemmiwinks - The Death Camp of Tolerance (S6 E14)

Bleeding Heart Rock Protest Song vs. Pro War Country Song - I'm a Little Bit Country (S7 E4)

Taco Flavoured Kisses - Fat Butt and Pancake Head (S7 E5)

Faith + 1 Album - Christian Rock Hard (S7 E9)

Casa Bonita - Casa Bonita (S7 E11)

French Canada - It's Christmas in Canada (S7 E15)

Let's Fighting Love - Good Times with Weapons (S8 E1)

My Robot Friend - AWESOM-O (S8 E5)

I've Got Some Apples - Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset (S8 E12)

Make It Right - The Death of Eric Cartman (S9 E6)

Love Lost Long Ago - Follow That Egg! (S9 E10)

We Can Live Together - Ginger Kids (S9 E11)

I am the Dawg - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy (S10 E10)

California Loves the Homeless - Night of the Living Homeless (S11 E7)

Imagination Song - Imaginationland (S11 E10-12)

Canada on Strike - Canada on Strike (S12 E4)

Super Fun Time - Super Fun Time (S12 E7)

You Gotta Do What You Wanna Do - Elementary School Musical

Gay Fish - Fishsticks (S13 E5)

Poker Face - Whale Whores (S13 E11)

Minorities at my Water Park - Pee (S13 E14)

You and Cthulhu - Mysterion Rises (S14 E12)

Work Mexican Work - The Last of the Meheecans (S15 E9)

I'm Not the Poorest Kid in School - The Poor Kid (S15 E4)

Make Bullying Kill Itself - Butterballs (S16 E5)

Jackin' it in San Diego - Butterballs (S16 E5)

I Swear - Cartman Finds Love (S16 E7)

Princess Kenny Theme - A Song of Ass and Fire (S17 E8)

My Bitch Ain't No Hobbit - The Hobbit (S17 E10)

Push (Feeling Good on a Wednesday) - The Cissy (S18 E3)

The Tale of Craig's Mom's Bush - The Magic Bush (S18 E5)

The Yelper Special (Boogers and Cum) - You're Not Yelping (S19 E4)

The Ballad of Tweek and Craig - Tweek x Craig (S19 E6)

Put It Down - Put It Down (S21 E2)

I Love You Social Distancing - The Pandemic Special

Mountain Town - South Park: Biggger, Longer & Uncut

Uncle Fucka - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

It's Easy Mmkay - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Blame Canada - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Kyle's Mom's a Bitch - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

What Would Brian Boitano Do - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Up There - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

La Resistance - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

I Can Change - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

I'm Super - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

We Missed You Randy - South Park: The Streaming Wars

I Got Cred, Bitches - South Park (Not Suitable For Children)

[divorcingjimmatthews]

Long Day's Journey Into The Night - Pilot Screenplay vs Final Episode! (Part I)

So, as some of you may remember, last year I found this screenplay for the pilot episode of the show and shared some tidbits concerning Jade as it was pretty shocking to learn his character was seemingly completely reworked last minute ("Jade Herrera" is an 18 year old girl in the screenplay while everything else in the episode stays largely the same!). I thought I could delve deeper this time and read the screenplay as I re-watch the final version of the episode, highlighting any interesting bits for y'all along the way. Long post ahead.

I know basically nothing about how TV shows are made so if I say something stupid please forgive me I'm trying my best.

The Logo

The logo from the the screenplay uses a rather generic modern font, but it's pretty interesting that it's sliced down the middle. I wonder why they'd choose that gimmick of all things to represent the show? The font used in the final version definitely fits the vibes of the town (that "don't open - dead inside" warning comes to mind), but it gives nothing away beyond that.

Boyd & The Town

The opening scene regarding Boyd and the town stays largely the same, except for the mention of Boyd wearing an uniform rather than his staple outfit that we've come to know and love. Also, there is no mention of the bell.

The Diner

Notably, the owner of the diner is referred to as a "he", and Sara is not shown during the show's opening sequence at all. In the final version, as we know, we meet Sara (and we are also introduced to the talismans) right after we meet Boyd.

Kenny, Kristi & The Clinic

The scene with Kenny's dad is largely the same, but Kenny and his dad are Vietnamese instead of Chinese and Chinese-American in the screenplay.

I thought I'd also highlight this cute description of this moment since we're at it!

Colony House

Largely the same. I love Boyd checking on Ellis and Fatima with his binoculars. LMAO, my mom would.

The Night Falls

I actually love the little detail with the cattle growing restless as the night falls! It's missing from the final version. Also... Boyd used to have his own house.

Lauren & Meagan

I kind of love how this bit is described. Tap, tap, tap. Reading "soothing whispers fill the air" feels a lot creepier to me than actually hearing the "sweet" old lady in the final version of the scene, but it might just be a matter of taste.

Also, there was a mention of a monster hand banging loudly on the window by the front door. (I hit the image limit so you'll just have to believe me.)

The Matthews Family

A lot was cut from the Matthews' introduction! In this earlier version of the story, they were travelling on a regular van and staying in motels, while in the final version as we know they summed it all up neatly into an RV, saving on quite a few transition scenes.

Also, we were robbed of some Norman and Harold lines. Enjoy Julie's director cut below.

Personally I believe there is some meaning to the puppet story because, well, I've watched shows and movies before and it's normally significant when they do a show-within-a-show. But we've also got the Cromenockle in FROM so... I don't know. Ethan mentions that he "saw the lake of tears" while he was unconscious after the crash, so I do have to wonder if we will ever get to see it and if we will also see these "fairies" there.

The Matthews intro scene actually drags on for quite a long while in the screenplay and has a lot more lines. This line by Tabitha about just rewriting what happened felt significant. In the end, though, the conclusion is the same. She finds the "loophole" through which Norman can't be dead because monsters aren't real and the scene finally ends there.

Also, this bit comes later on (after they've already asked for directions and been sent back on the road) but look at that. No divorce plot, and Jim putting the blame on himself. In the final version of the episode, it's actually Jim who starts reminiscing about the past with a hopeful look in his eyes only for Tabitha to cut him off with a cold "don't do that".

Father Khatri

The lines and general character stay the same, but... we get Father Kelly instead. I'm guessing the ethnicity and name changes were all decided with the final casting choices. I really can't imagine a different cast, it's so weird to think about! Reading the script really made me appreciate the final version we got even more.

I'd ask if you guys want a part 2 but you know damn well I'm gonna start writing it as soon as I hit post (I could barely even get to Sara and Jade before hitting image limit and they're the ones I want to talk about the most!!)

[akechi-if-he-slayed]

imo the perfect series finale for south park would be for them to dedicate their last couple of seasons to their junior + senior year of high school (yes live action because i think it would be awesome if done right, not insanely gritty and emo like riverdale). same startling humor and amusement, but kind of with a slightly more mature feel (because they are teenagers now after all; even though they don’t exactly “act their age” in the show, you can still tell their naive youth plays a big factor in a lot of their reasonings and motivations behind their actions and decisions) like yeah, they’re still being stupid and getting caught up in the weirdest shit, but this time they’re being dumb teenagers instead of dumb kids. also! feel like romance would definitely be a core thing, because you know. teenage hormones. no explicit scenes, but definitely make outs and the like, and their relationships would play a more crucial factor in the show. for example, i think that at the start of the live-action saga, wendy and stan would still be entertaining their on-and-off-again-friends-who-make-out-and-have-a-different-response-each-day-if-you-ask-whether-or-not-they’re-together and pretty soon, they’d eventually just break it off for good, and that would be a major coming of age moment for stan as he realizes he was only staying with wendy because she was “safe” and reminded him of being a kid.

PROM EPISODE (for junior year)!!! it would be so lit. huge, huge potential there to get everyone dolled up. stan and wendy would already be broken up by that time, so naturally stan and kyle would just go together as FRIENDS. MUTUAL BACHELORS. DEFINITELY NOTHING MORE….not like kyle turned down heidi’s ask because “i don’t want stan to feel alone” even though cartman and kenny don’t have dates either? also stan definitely doesn’t sneak a bottle in and definitely doesn’t skulk outside and kyle definitely doesn’t find him and just. sits and talks and just laughs and talks shit with him outside for the rest of the night and nothing is said about any sort of feelings kyle might have (if he’s even fully aware of them yet now that stan is 100% available for the first time in years) but. you can tell, everyone can tell that something is there, something is starting.

main highlights for this adaptation idea!

- bebe (cheer captain!) and wendy (heavily involved in asb, voted president senior year; there’s a whole episode dedicated to her campaign against kyle at the end of junior year, she wins by just a few votes) as the queens of the school, most popular girls (bebe in more of a gorgeous-can-have-any-guy-do-whatever-she-wants-and-have-them-all-want-her kind of way and wendy in a beautiful-and-powerful-top-of-the-class-but-definitely-not-an-outcast way)

- cartman still cartman but not nearly as volatile as he once was, still generally considered to be a dick, though. at first glance you think he’s a stupid football player meathead, but he’s actually incredibly smart when he wants to be, kyle is annoyed by this every time he shares an ap period with him and he actually does well.

- ordered class rankings (top 5): wendy (valedictorian), kyle, butters, cartman, heidi

- shelley moved across the country for college the second she graduated, so it’s just stan, randy, and sharon. naturally he spends the night at kyle’s so often that he leaves an overnight bag there and the broflovskis are never surprised to see him stumble out of kyle’s room in the morning

- bendy canon literally like two months after permanent stendy breakup. poor stan is helplessly confused: “has she been a lesbian this whole time????? did she think i was feminine??? is that why we were together for so long???”

- creek thriving as per

- kenny does musical theater and show choir. greatly enjoys it! butters is always front row and has never missed a performance.

- kyle captain of the debate team! wendy is vp, and there’s kind of been a weird tension between them ever since stendy split, you can practically hear her say “i know what you are.”

- stan enjoys volunteering at an animal shelter whenever he can, he keeps this a secret for as long as physically possible and this becomes a big plot point as he makes up increasingly suspicious and not very believable stories and excuses as for why he is rarely available after school despite having no job or clubs. rumors that spread: | randy has managed to get access to harder drugs and is using stan to deal them across south park | stan is a whore-for-hire and will give you an excellent bj if you pay up and meet him somewhere discreet (cartman started that one) | stan is part of a crime group conspiring to kill the mayor and control the city (this one has him end up at the police station with his head in his hands).

- gerald really wants kyle to be a lawyer and practically has all of his schools picked out for him, thereby unintentionally giving his son an existential crisis on what the heck he wants to do with his life because he does not want to do what his dad does but he also doesn’t have a good enough alternative to combat him.

- heavily hinted bunny, it’s literally right there but they tell everyone they’re just friends. ongoing gag of them being caught in compromising and/or suspicious positions but somehow having a seemingly reasonable explanation each time.

- college decisions would for sure be a big plot point towards the middle of their senior year, especially for kyle. he only applies to two schools and is accepted to both of them: princeton (college of his parents, their pick for him to study pre-law) and stanford (his pick, unknown to his parents that he even applied, to study psychology). yes it is absolutely insane that he only applied to two ivy leagues but what is even more insane is that his parents only wanted him to apply to princeton and no other schools. haha well now he has to explain to them that he is going to california and is not following their carefully constructed plan for his future haha

- stan is similar to shelley, he doesn’t really care where he goes as long as he gets to leave south park! he also knows he wants to do some sort of career helping animals but is unsure what exactly, so he just puts zoology as his major and applies to a lot of different schools. he ends up committing to uc davis! sharon is incredibly proud of him and cries when she sees the acceptance letter, randy is kind of bitter because he wanted stan to stay and help out with the farm since shelley booked it but eventually comes around (also stan would’ve gotten a job at 7/11 before he started working at tegridy alongside his dad).

- butters gets accepted to the university of rochester for biomedical sciences. kenny doesn’t plan on going to college, but him and butters decide to share a flat in the city, and kenny works odd jobs while also doing performances at various clubs in the at the area. also him and butters choosing to live together across the country is purely platonic!!! there is nothing romantic going on at all, they are just really good friends!! nobody buys this anymore

- cartman literally gets accepted to ucla on a full ride football scholarship for business management and it makes kyle want to tear him to shreds! liane would’ve absolutely somehow paid for his entire tuition anyway if she had to

i feel like the length of each episode would be about 45 minutes with the series finale being like 90 minutes, the first half being their graduation with wendy giving an incredibly corny yet oddly emotional speech as valedictorian that pretty much summarizes their entire lives in south park. and then the second half would kind of be just like providing conclusions and tying up loose ends such as:

- shelley flying back home for stan’s graduation and reconciling with him; she’s a junior at NYU and actually became a lot nicer and at peace with the world + herself after she was able to leave colorado

- randy actually having a good father-son moment with stan as they discuss his going off to school in california; stan realizes that his father definitely is not great, but he maybe also isn’t the worst person in the world

- a moment of “this is the last we’re ever gonna be like this, huh?” when the main four are hanging out at cartman’s, traditional teen paranoia of the future

- bunny finally 100% confirmed as scene shows with Kenny having his arm loosely hung around butters on someone’s couch, lightly pressed kiss on his cheek

ok i have a lot more but my #1 idea for the finale would be this:

- stan and kyle just aimlessly hanging out in the latter’s room about a week or two after graduation, easily talking about everything from college to music to new films to their friends; just enjoying each other’s company before fall comes (they are unbelievably dramatic. uc davis and stanford are like a hour’s drive away from each other but coming from best friends who have lived in the same city together their entire lives, an hour away may as well be a whole ass country away)

- occasional comfortable silence. kyle has come to terms with his feelings about stan at this point, but has chosen not to act on it in favor of keeping his longest friendship intact. nobody knows, he never told a soul. unbeknownst to him, stan has been accumulating the same feelings towards kyle, but likewise has been keeping them sealed tightly in so as not to ruin anything.

- eventually, they somehow start talking about relationships. stan never dated anyone else after breaking up with wendy at the start of junior year, and kyle has never truly dated anyone, not if you don’t count a faint fling with some loud city girl when he spent most of sophomore year summer with his mom’s family in new jersey. he came back from summer break more certain than ever that he was 100% gay. he recounts this story to stan for the first time (he’d been too embarrassed to tell anyone when he had come home) and it’s met with an enormous fit of laughter.

- they start talking about how weird it is to love someone, to have these strong urges and desires towards someone in a way that’s entirely unprovoked. to feel like you would do absolutely anything for this person, and to have life be unfathomable without them. they both agree on all their points, but no names are mentioned though!

- it’s the early morning hours before stan realizes how long they’ve been talking, and despite knowing he could stay the night, he decides to head home, suddenly flushed and overwhelmed with some sort of..something. does he really love kyle that much? in that way?

- the air is lightly tense as he leaves, kyle left feeling confused and slightly perturbed. against his butter judgment, he chases after stan outside, as he’s placing his key in his driver-side door to unlock his car.

- “wait!”

- stan turns his head, looking puzzled and faintly apprehensive. it’s summer, so the early morning is not bone-chillingly cold, yet also not as scorching hot as it will be come afternoon. it’s the perfect temperature, and it’s the perfect time, and before he knows what he’s doing, his feet are carrying his stiff, trembling body towards stan, whose eyes tell a thousand pictures despite his frame not moving a muscle.

- he stops in front of stan so that they’re gazing slowly, directly, meaningfully into each other’s eyes, and stan feels his throat go dry and his mind go blissfully blank. it’s slow and tender, the gentle yet firm way kyle stares up into his eyes, like he’s been waiting a lifetime for it (and he probably has) and he can feel his familiar breath whispering across his face, and all of sudden the careful movements, the gentle intention, all of it is gone in a flash.

- the very last scene of the very last episode of south park shows kyle slam his lips against stan’s, and then, lips still pressed together, the show ends.

[stingingfish420]

im going to kill you

I have alot to say. First of all based off what we have covered so far is it really hard to imagine Kenny in a superheros shoes who doesnt care about fame and just wants to help people? Kenny is extremely empathic and selfless. (Well, we are able to see moments where Kenny hasnt really used his heart to think and acted a bit more like Cartman but a part of me believes that could be that Cartman and Kenny are bestfriends so Cartman could have accidentally pushed some of his traits onto Kenny or just Kenny forgot who he was) I will not talk about S13 E2 because I find that the superhero trigilogy gives us way more intell. It gets revealed that Mysterion is Kenny in S14 E12 when Kenny looks in the mirror he very clearly states he has a power and the only remote character we can think to have anything near a power is kenny. It 100% reveals it later after captain Hindsight put a gun to his head and Kenny tells him to pull the trigger where Stan says "Dude Kenny c-chill out" The others go and Hindsight and Mysterion are left in the same room where Hindsight tells him about how shitty it is to have powers that feel like a curse. Kenny states that *his* power is the definition of a curse Hindsight asks what his power is and for the first time in existence Kenny looks straight into the camera and says "I can't die" I feel this line is extremely powerful for Kennys character for multiple reasons

1. The most we have gotten are just little remarks or fears out of Kenny that he could remember his deaths however we never hear him explicitly state it

2. I believe the factor that we can hear Kenny clearly and hes looking straight into the camera really adds into it mainly because Kenny is always muffled and usually

Kenny after this shares his experience with his curse about hes died more times than he can count and no matter what he wakes up in his bed. We are to see at the end of S14 E12 that he is not dumbfounded by the cults chant and is able to connect the dots with what information is given to him. In the next episode right off the bat it's talking about powers and how the boys are unable to tell what Mint Berry Crunchs power actually is when Stan is giving examples Mysterion states how he cant die and this scene happens:

"No, Stan I'm being serious I really, really can't die,"

"What?"

"Like last night in the alley, The cult leader stabbed me and I bled all over the place and you screamed 'Oh my god' and you called him a bastard"

"When was that?"

"All the time, I die all the time and you assholes NEVER remember it!"

"I think we would remember you dying dude"

"Well you don't I die over and over just to wake up in my bed like nothing happened."

"Dude, You're freaking out Mint Berry Crunch hes peed his pants."

"No no Mint Berry Crunch doesn't ever pee his pants."

"I knew there would be no point in telling you guys,"

"Alright dude, Let's just say you're not crazy and it's true what's the big deal I think it would be pretty cool not to be able to die,"

"PRETTY COOL?! Do you know what it feels like to be stabbed, to be shot, decapitated, torn apart, burned, run over?"

"Kenny, Kenny calm down."

"Its NOT 'pretty cool' Kyle it FUCKING hurts and it won't go away and nobody will believe me try and remember this time try and fucking remember!!!"

*Gunshot*

We can see alot about Kennys character for example: He will make unrealistic and impulsive decisions when he is distressed (We can also see this in the 'Poor and stupid' episode when Kenny jumps onto a car because hes angry at Cartman. Also I apologise if i miss any significant things its been a while since i binged the show so im rusty.) This also shows just how frustrated kenny is with his whole power thing and all of his actions in this do make sense if you are able to put empathy within it obviously because he was most likely so distressed at the time he was unable to properly think like he does most of the time mainly because the human kite was being a dick and invalidating his feelings. This might be why i sometimes hate when people are like "well he thought that if this time they might remember so he shot himsel-" No he most likely knew that wouldnt work even if that was a genuine part of the reason this part is more subjective but i refuse to believe that was the only reason until you have full evidance. I believe kenny shot himself because he was distressed and upset with kyle almost that entire monolouge I am aware of how angsty this sounds or that this feels like a reach when he very clearly specified just before he shot himself that all he wanted was for them to rememeber however it its very clear by his tone of voice that it was not all logic in his brain as I had previously stated. I do like to believe that Mysterion is a much more unmasked version of Kenny dispite literally being masked version of himself we can see that he acts more freely and hes more out spoken and is able to express his emotions which is a big step for developing his character. I can argue agaisnt this by saying that the mask is down however a shield has been put up for himself as in his ego we can see and his entire alter ego as well as his reputation and his physical strength are all ways hes able to protect himself. Kenny has always been seen as a character whos a massive push over and he isnt a he to protect himself yet with mysterion he is able to create a new identity to express his feelings without getting backlash for himself because of how hes built this shield to protect his face due to the lack of a mask. Mysterion is such as unmasked version of Kenny and that builds upon the foundation that we have been given prior to kennys character. Mainly because what we saw in mysterion doesnt contain any different information other than the cultish stuff alot of the personality traits we are able to see in mysterion are what we are able to see in kenny previously just this time its just more difficult to see without the accommodation of mysterion whilst still being blended through his character thoroughly. A good example of this in my opinion is the scene he tried to kill himself to save the other guys; A scene which I believe is heavily overlooked within the fans which again shows just how well its hidden in plain sight. In this scene he confronts cuthuhlu and tells him to kill him but his friends have to be returned. This suicide or self sacrifice just amplifies everything we have said about Kennys self sacrificing personality as this is the biggest extreme you can get out of a self sacrifice in kennys situation as he wouldnt care about any kind of torture or death where he comes back. However, this is a very rare and special moment and to kill yourself in the only possible way by facing a dark god who put a curse upon you of which made life unbearable and a vat of torture in itself is an act of kindness beyond ones belief. Another thing we are able to see with kennys character out of this experience is the way hes able to see and treat others. As we are all aware the other children treated kenny like shit. Constant poor jokes as well as not caring when he died or even killing him so its quite obvious to see that he doesnt treat the other kids with kindness because of how they treat him well but because he seems them as their own person and that although they may treat him like shit they still are people and he cares for them rega

old ass fucking analysis i dont like anymore, giggles

[banannabethchase]

Ride on You - also on AO3

~

Matt had thought Adam was joking about the mustache, but also, Adam kind of wants to see how he reacts when the mustache is under Matt.

~

I really fucking lovehate those mustaches. Title from Ride by SoMo.

~

“I thought you were effing kidding,” is the first thing Matt says with Adam answers his FaceTime.

Adam grins at him. “What, you don’t like the new look?”

“I – it – that’s not the point!” he huffs. “I made a bet.”

Adam raises an eyebrow. “A bet.”

“Yes, a bet,” Matt grumbles. He turns the camera to Nick, sitting there with the funniest look on his face.

“I won,” Nick says and he does what Adam has to believe is a happy dance.

Matt groans and flops back onto the couch. “I hate you so much.”

“Anybody wanna clue me in here?” Adam asks. He likes seeing Matt flustered, usually more so when Matt’s next to him and he’s doing the flustering, but, as a general rule, he likes to know why.

“I told him,” Matt says, flashing the camera back to Nick’s shit eating grin for a second, “that I bet you were joking about the mustache.” He sighs. “But no. You had to go out there looking like Magnum PI and make me lose five hundred dollars.”

Adam chokes on his coffee. “You bet him five hundred dollars that I was exaggerating my mustache?”

“Joking about it,” Matt clarifies. “And yes. I had faith in you.” He sighs, long suffering. “And now you look like Magnum TA.”

“I thought you said PI,” Adam replies.

Matt shakes his head, and it could almost be called disappointed but there’s definitely a smile behind his eyes. “TA is more accurate.”

“Hold on a sec.” Adam pulls up and searches. “Oh, fuck you! I don’t have a mullet!”

“You don’t,” Nick says, “but the hair color and mustache are right on target.”

“I still have the beard!”

Matt cackles on the other end of the phone, and Adam aches at the distance. “You do, but the point still stands.” He calms, finally. “Miss you.”

“Oh, ew,” Nick says, rolling his eyes. “I’m out. You two be gross on your own.”

“Later, dude!”

Matt smiles. “Everything okay at Dynamite?”

Adam shrugs. “Lots of shit going down. I miss you two, and Kenny.” He presses his lips together. He knows it weighs on all of them that World’s End was the first pay per view without any of the Elite, that the first episodes of the year have felt a little strange to watch without knowing Nick and Matt are behind the scenes. “It feels weird.”

“I know,” Matt says gently. “I wish I were home.”

“If you were, I wouldn’t be there,” Adam chuckles.

“Yeah – okay, you know what I mean,” Matt says, and even the way he rolls his eyes makes Adam’s chest ache. “This stupid moving company issue is really getting in the way.”

“The couch’ll get here soon,” Adam promises. “One more day of you yelling at the transport people and it’ll be on a truck.” He fights a smile. “And, until then, we have my couch.”

“Your couch is garbage and I hate it,” Matt says, for the millionth time. “And you look stupid with the mustache.”

“I do not!” Adam says. He checks his image in the mirror. It’s not as bad as Matt thinks it is. At least, he hopes. “Is it that bad?”

Matt frowns. “No. It’s fine. It’s weirdly hot, but that’s why I hate it.”

“Great!” Adam says. “I’m gonna go antagonize Swerve now.”

Matt’s face falls. “You’re going to what?!”

“Later, baby!” Adam blows a kiss to Matt through the phone. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He does antagonize Swerve, which was cathartic as always, but there’s less blood than he’d hoped so he’s still a little antsy when he gets back to the hotel.

He makes Matt wait while he showers and gets dressed, because annoying him is kind of fun, then finally answers the fifth FaceTime call.

“God, finally,” Matt says. His face is sweaty and his hair is in a disaster that may have once been a neat bun. “How are you? Not dead I see.” He smiles, looking both beatific and chaotic. “Good.” He wrinkles his nose. “Well, you’re good. The mustache.”

“You know you love it,” Adam says, touching it. “You wanna get all over this.”

Matt’s face turning bright red is unexpected.

“Oh!” Adam says. “Oh, you’re into it, alright.”

“Shut up,” Matt grumbles. “Get home as soon as you can tomorrow so I can shave that stupid thing off your face.”

Adam snorts. “Sure, baby. Give it a try.”

He didn’t expect Matt to actually mean it. When Matt gets back to the house the next day, he chases Adam around with a razor.

“Get over here!” Matt yells. “I’m gonna shave that thing off if it kills me!”

“No you won’t!” Adam yells back to him. He stops short in the hallway before the bedroom and ducks Matt’s wild swing, grabbing him by the waist and throwing him over his shoulder. “There you go. Now I’ve got you where I want you.”

“You do not,” Matt says. He pokes Adam in the back, and he hopes it’s with a finger and not with the razor. “I could shave your pants off from here.”

“Oh no,” Adam says, walking to the bedroom. He Alabama slams Matt onto the bed. “Whatever could I do without pants.”

Matt rolls his eyes. “You suck.”

“You know I do.”

Matt groans and rolls over. “Look, I love this, but I’m so effing tired and I need, like, eight hours of sleep and a long hot shower before you give me stache burn.”

Adam raises an eyebrow. “Huh. That something you’re thinking about?” He leans over Matt and kisses him, deep and promising. “Wanna get some stache burn between your thighs?”

Matt shivers. “Yes, but not right now,” he mumbles. “Tired.”

“Course, baby,” Adam kisses him again, then on the nose, forehead, and top of the head. “Want some alone time?”

“Yes,” Matt says. His eyes are already drooping. “Need a nap.”

Matt’s eyes are fully closed as he fights with the blankets. Eventually, Adam takes pity on him and arranges his limbs to be under the bed. Matt sighs, snuggling up.

“Take my jeans,” Matt mumbles. He shoves them up at Adam. “And can I have one of your hoodies?”

“Are you cold?”

Matt shakes his head. “Smells like you,” he mumbles.

Adam’s chest twists. “Of course.” He grabs his favorite hoodie, one he got years ago at one of the first AEW events, and Matt shoves it under his head and inhales, settling in with a tiny smile.

That could have been the moment, he thinks, but Matt had to go and fall asleep.

Adam busies himself with throwing Matt’s clothes in the washer and starting Operation Mincemeat for the third time in the past three years. It’s comfortable, in his living room chair, but he gets distracted by every little sound, hoping it’s Matt ready to wake up and hang out.

He misses him. Matt’s in the other room, and Adam misses him.

Hopefully, with the couch finally on the way to Virginia, he won’t have to anymore.

He’s on page 156, stomach starting to growl, when he hears Matt stir.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” Adam calls. “Except it’s four in the afternoon, so good afternoon.”

Matt pads out, in Adam’s hoodie and a pair of boxers.

“Oh, fuck you,” Adam sighs. “You look adorable. Get over here.”

Matt, still half asleep, stumbles and falls into Adam’s lap.

“Sometimes I look at you and your giant arms and capacity to commit actual murder and I forget how cute you can be.” He yanks Matt in. “You feel better?”

Matt nods, yawning. “Yeah. I still smell like airplane.”

Adam leans in and sniffs Matt’s hair. “I guess. You wanna take a shower?”

Matt shakes his head. “I need to eat something first.”

They Door Dash sushi and eat curled up on the couch, rewatching Dynamite.

“Genuinely the worst mustache the world has ever seen,” Matt says, dipping his nigiri in his soy sauce and wasabi mixture. “I hate it even in person.”

“You do not,” Adam says. He wipes his mouth and sets down his plate. “You’re into it.”

“I absolutely am not,” Matt retorts, glaring. “It’s terrible. Awful, even. I won’t kiss you until you shave it off.”

Adam raises an eyebrow. “You’ve already kissed me.”

“I have not!”

“You have.”

Matt huffs. “Technically, you kissed me.”

“Does that mean you won’t want me to give you beard burn?”

“Oh, I do,” Matt says. “But quickly. I think I’m getting tired again.”

They exchange laughter-laden blow jobs on Adam’s old couch with Matt insulting the mustache the whole time. He does leave mustache burn, but kisses it better.  

~

The week is busy, with Matt and Nick preparing for their return to AEW. Nick flies in Saturday morning so they can all fly to Jacksonville together and hang out.

“I love him,” Matt sighs, burying his face into Adam’s chest the night before their Tuesday flight, “but he really is the biggest cock block in the world.”

“You are not allowed to have sex while I’m in the house,” Nick yells. “And yes, I can hear you.”

“You don’t have to announce it.”

Adam rolls his eyes. “I forget how annoying the two of you are together.”

At the same time they yell, “Me?!”

It’ll be a relief, Adam realizes, when they finally get the place to themselves in a few days.

The whirlwind of getting into Jacksonville again, of hiding the Bucks, of Adam preparing for the match against Claudio, keeps them apart. Adam is itching to get his hands on Matt, really get him worked up and under him into that desperate territory where all he can do is beg for more and say Adam’s name. But they were apart, and then they had Nick, and now they’re at work.

Adam beats the crap out of Claudio with half a boner, simply because the thought of Matt finally being behind the cameras watching him wrestle has him hot and bothered. But he gets pulled away before he can get to Matt, and then he’s got no choice but to go out there and speak his two cents to Joe and Swerve, and then –

“What the fuck?!” he cackles. “What are – what?!” He can’t speak. He’s bent in half laughing. “They’re so stupid!”

“Correct,” Claudio says, eyeing him. “But it feels strange of you to say that to your boyfriend and his brother. May I get by please?”

Adam shuffles and waves him on, not even tempted to kick his ass again. “I meant the mustaches,” he chokes out. “But sure, yeah. Insult them. They deserve it.”

“Rude,” Matt grumbles, adjusting his jacket. “We just returned from weeks away and this is how you repay me?”

Adam straightens and wipes tears from his eyes. “I’ve seen you a bunch, baby, but not with that caterpillar on your faces.” He laughs out the last few giggles. “This your idea?”

“Mine,” Nick says, looking giddy. “We took inspiration from you looking like an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“You insult us, we insult you,” Matt says. He stands on his toes and kisses Adam, quickly. “But, um. We’re needed to help with Rampage.” The pout is somehow even more absurd with the pencil thin mustache. “We won’t be back tonight in time –” Matt seems to remember himself and stops.

“In time for what?” Nick asks. Adam watches him silently for it to click. It happens faster than he expects, to Nick’s credit. “Oh, gross. I hate both of you.”

“You do not!” Matt calls after him. He turns back to Adam. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Adam insists. He leans down and kisses Matt’s forehead. “Soon. We live together now. We’ll have all the time in the world.” He can feel himself beaming down at Matt, like a big old dork, but at least Matt is beaming back at him too.

“You two are sickening,” Anna says, staring at Adam. He stares back, and she smiles. “Good. If anybody has to be gross around here, at least it’s you.”

He doesn’t know when she decided to like him. He’s just happy it happened.

~

He’s asleep when he hears the door unlock. Matt likes to think he’s quiet when he sneaks in, but Adam wakes up to every little noise when he’s waiting for Matt to get back, whether they’re at home or at a hotel. He rolls over and smiles. “Baby,” he mumbles. He half remembers reaching out and pulling Matt back into bed when he wakes up the next morning, still curled around Matt, hard as nails and ready to go.

He’s pretty sure he hasn’t gone this long without fucking Matt since their breakup in 2020, and it feels awful. He nuzzles into Matt’s side, arms sliding under Matt’s shirt, when Matt’s alarm goes off and Matt jolts awake.

“I meant to change that,” he says, shuffling so he’s sitting. He turns to Adam with a frown. “I planned on seducing you and waking you up all sexy, but I, um…” He looks at the time. “Well, now we have two hours before we have to get on a plane.” He flops over Adam, which isn’t really doing much to help Adam’s raging boner. “I wanted you to rail me this morning.”

“I wanted to fuck you so hard we’d get charged for damaging the hotel bed,” Adam grumbles. He shifts to nuzzle Matt again, getting the mustache right behind Matt’s ear.

“No,” Matt says. “No. Don’t get me all riled up. It’s not a private jet this time. We can’t have sex in the airplane bathroom.”

Adam sighs, trying to hit the same level of dramatic that Matt seems to nail every time. “We can’t?”

“No!” Matt insists. “I mean, I want to. Obviously. But I don’t want to get arrested for public indecency.”

“Fair point.”

They flight home is quick but not painless. Matt seems determined to rile Adam up at any point – a hand on his thigh, a kiss to his cheek, random conversation. Some of it might just be Adam’s horniness. He’s not used to being the one struggling to keep it together. Since the beginning, he’s been the one messing with Matt. The tables have been turned and he’s not even the one who got to flip them.

By the time they get home, the two of them are stumbling into the room, hands all over each other.

“Stupid mustache,” Matt mumbles against Adam’s lips. “I hate it.”

“I think you’re into it,” Adam says, “just like you’re into me beating the shit out of Claudio.”

“Shut up,” Matt says, moaning.

“You still thinking of him!”

“No,” Matt says. “Yes. Of course. And you are, too, so don’t give me that look.”

Adam chuckles. “Only Mox.”

“I know,” Matt says, beaming. “Though I’m surprised you haven’t changed your mind on that. You looked like you were battling for dominance with Claudio.”

“Weren’t we?” Adam asks. He slides his hands up the back of Matt’s shirt. “And remind me. Who won?”

Matt goes pink. “Um. You did. Obviously.”

“What do I get for winning?”

Matt exhales so long and slowly Adam’s wondering if he’s about to pass out. “I still smell like airplane,” he says, and goddamn him for always having that on his mind, “so I’m going to go take a shower.” He’s so calm it must be intentional, “and when I get out, you’re going to be naked on the bed. Okay?”

“You were so close to being dominant, and then you added that sweet little ‘okay’ on the end,” Adam says. He leans in and kisses Matt’s forehead. “Anything else you want me to do?”

Matt opens his mouth and closes it. “I mean. I figured that was kind of obvious.”

“Good point. We’ll play it by ear.”

Adam whistles as he makes his way to the bedroom, picking up the trail of clothes Matt left on the floor and tosses them into the laundry basket. The warmth in his heart nearly overtakes him as he remembers this is permanent. Matt’s not flying back to California all the time, he’s not leaving in between Dynamites. They won’t split their time between their places.

This, their home, is their place.

He might have to fuck some domestic bliss into that man, just to assure himself that Matt’s feeling the same way about it.

Slowly, he strips. His clothes join Matt’s in the laundry basket, his belt gets hung on the hook next to Matt’s baseball cap rack, his sneakers are kicked off into the corner next to Matt’s favorites. It feels like home. It feels like his.

“Hurry up in there,” Adam says, and he can’t help but wrap a hand around his dick for some sort of relief. It’s not enough. It’s never enough, if Matt himself is an option.

“I’ll take my time, thanks,” Matt yells back.

Adam sighs. If that’s how it’s going to be. He walks into the bathroom and pulls open the curtain. Matt is standing there, looking smug.

“Took you long enough.”

It’s a three second scan to make sure Matt doesn’t still have soap in his hair and eyes, then Adam grabs him around the waist. Giggling, they make their way back to the bed, not caring that the sheets are getting drenched. Matt is warm and wet around him.

“Get up here,” Adam says, shuffling down on the bed.

“Up – where?”

“You’re riding my face tonight, baby,” Adam says. “Gonna make you see stars. And the positives of this mustache.”

Matt blinks. “You’re gonna make me associate the mustache with sex to make me like it, aren’t you.”

Adam shrugs. “Call it an experiment. You like how it feels? I get to keep it. You don’t? I’ll shave it off.”

“I could lie.”

Adam’s laughing as he says, “Yeah, like you would lie about something that gets you off.”

It takes a second for Matt to get in position, but he lowers himself down on Adam’s face so carefully it’s almost cute.

“You can sit all the way, baby,” Adam says, and tries not to feel like he’s speaking into Matt’s ass like a megaphone. “Go ahead. You won’t hurt me or the mustache.”

“Kinda wish I could hurt the mustache,” Matt says from above him, but he seems to lose some of the anxiety and hesitation and sits.

Adam feels smothered, yes, but in the best way possible. He thinks, if he has to go, this could be the way to do it. He licks up against Matt, aiming as best he can. After a moment’s probing he’s pretty sure he’s stuck on Matt’s taint so he grabs Matt’s hips and pulls him up. Matt’s delighted squeak tells him he’s adjusted him to the right place.

“Oh my god,” Matt says as Adam licks into him. It’s warm water and soap and Matt surrounding him, thighs tight around Adam’s head. “Damn it. This is so effing annoying.”

Adam laughs and moves his head. Matt moans.

“The stupid – it feels good,” Matt says. “Not – not your tongue, obviously that feels good…Oh, god, yes. I mean…I hate when you’re right.”

Adam massages Matt’s ass cheeks as he licks him open, trying to be thorough. It’s a little sore on his tongue since it’s been a while and Matt’s tense from hovering, but he’s more than happy to suffer it to hear the sounds coming from Matt.

“Okay, this – so good, but I need – I need –”

Lights are a little too bright and air is a little too freely available when Matt swings his legs off of Adam’s face. It takes a second to adjust.

“Get – now,” Matt demands. He’s flushed and panting, looking debauched and destroyed and Adam hasn’t even fucked him yet. It’s beautiful. He starts to shuffle backward but Adam catches his hips.

“Hold it,” Adam says, throwing his free hand out to open the drawer with the lube in it. He flicks it open and pours it on his hand. It’s too much, too messy, but the sheets will have to be changed anyway. “I’m not fucking you with just spit, not after this long.”

Matt whines. “But it’d be so good.”

Adam gets as much lube as he can on his cock, trying to think with his actual brain before letting Matt’s impulsive tendencies infect him, and releases his grip on Matt’s hip to get a better balance. He knows what Matt’s about to do, and it still feels like sinking into warm sheets in winter when Matt drops down onto his cock.

“Fucking – baby,” Adam sighs. He can’t move. His head is spinning. “You’re so goddamned tight.”

Matt’s grin is devilish. “You feel even bigger now that it’s been a while.” He rolls his hips and sighs, eyes fluttering shut. “God. I’m riding that mustache, like every day. Your tongue feel okay?”

“Kind of sore, but worth it,” Adam chuckles, but it’s choked off when Matt rises the tiniest bit on his knees and then drops back down. “Jesus Christ, Matty.” He rests his hand on Matt’s thigh before remembering it’s covered in lube. “Oops.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Matt says, breathy as he rocks. “We can change the sheets. I have those new ones in that box I have to unpack.”

“Because you live here now,” Adam says, and he wraps the lube covered hand around Matt’s cock. “You’re mine. You’re mine always.”

“Always,” Matt says. He looks transcendent as he rocks between Adam’s dick and his hand. “I – always. Never leaving. You’re going to have to be in me forever.” He whines. “God. Like this at work. I want – on your cock – when we’re working.” Nothing he’s saying even makes sense at this point, something about the desperation of how long it’s been getting under Matt’s skin, but Adam gets it.

“You still want me to fuck you all over, don’t you,” Adam asks, planting his feet so he can fuck up into Matt. “Grab you mid-Dynamite to bend you over a table? Interrupt a scrum with a fake emergency and fuck you with my hand over your mouth so the live cameras don’t pick it up?”

“Oh, god,” Matt whimpers. “Yes. I do. M-maybe – maybe you could push me under a desk when you’re doing signings. I can blow you while you’re signing eight by tens, try to mess up your – your signature.”

Adam nods. “Maybe I’ll get you in front of a camera and suck you off while you’re cutting a promo with a belt over your shoulder.”

Matt comes without any warning, all up to Adam’s chin and all over his chest and belly. Adam’s head spins with how much more impossibly vice-like Matt gets around him.

“Fucking Christ,” Adam growls. He grabs an arm around Matt’s back and flips them over, barely pulling out of him before he arranges Matt’s legs and slam back into him.

“Yes,” Matt gasps. He braces his arms against the headboard. “I want – give – harder.”

“Love it when you forget how to talk,” Adam laughs. He goes a little wild with it, a little possessive with the way he digs his fingers into Matt’s thighs. He wants to leave a mark. Knows Matt wants a memory there.

“Come on,” Matt says. “You can go harder than that.”

“Jesus – you already came!”

Matt grins. “Yeah, but you haven’t. And you like it when I get bitchy.”

Matt, infuriatingly, is right. Adam comes with a wordless shout, yanking Matt onto his cock with all his might. The room spins around him a little as his body rearranges itself around Matt.

“I think I managed to edge you,” Matt muses. “I mean, not on purpose. But I think I did.” He’s grinning. “Also, I expected you to make fun of the mustache at least once.”

“I was busy with my tongue in your ass,” Adam says. He carefully lowers Matt’s legs as he pulls out of him. “Maybe next time I use it to clean you up after.”

Matt swallows. “Is your tongue too sore right now?”

Adam laughs and nods. “Sorry, baby. You’re gonna be all messy.” He licks his lips. “You said I could do anything, right?”

Matt nods. “Yeah.”

Adam slides two fingers back into Matt who gasps, hips twitching. “Yeah,” he murmurs, “all messy. Gonna get you even messier.” Something primal rears up in him as he feels his fingers, slick with come and lube, glide in and out of Matt. This, Matt, them, is his. Forever. He wants to brand Matt with it, make everyone know it.

Matt squirms. “This – you look –” Adam watches as Matt’s dick starts to twitch with interest. “You look like you want to eat me alive.”

Adam shrugs. “Kind of already did.” He twitches his fingers up, exactly where he knows Matt’s prostate is.

“Fuck!” Matt shrieks. “Too – okay! Too much!”

Adam pulls his fingers out and rubs a gentle hand over Matt’s trembling thighs. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just – oh, my god.” His breathing slows back down. “That was like pressing on a broken bone or something, but in a good way?”

“You’re out of your goddamned mind, you know that?” Adam lays down next to Matt, arms open. “Normal people don’t consider pressing on a broken bone in any way good.”

“I don’t,” Matt says, curling into Adam’s chest. “Just – if it were a thing, that’s what it would be like.” He hums. “I think, maybe, you should keep going next time. Even if it is too much.”

“Oh, god,” Adam laughs, turning to press his face into Matt’s hair. “It’s like every experiment I come up with, you discover a new kink.”

“Two, this time,” Matt muses. “I got a thing for riding your mustache, too.”

“I still hate yours,” Adam says, and he leans in to kiss Matt despite the caterpillar. “Just want to make sure you know that.”

Matt shrugs. “As long as you still love me.”

Adam pulls back enough to look Matt in the eyes. “Always,” he promises.

The ring in the drawer feels like it echoes him. Always.

~

Mini Playlist: Haven't Had Enough - Marianas Trench Keep Riding Me - ur pretty Ride - SoMo Mine - Taylor Swift

[melishade]

War timeline.when the survivors of marley reach paradis and discover the truth

Previous Episode of the War Timeline

So I do have to reference @justawannabearchaeologist and @echoblaze5 because I did discuss the next parts with them. But I do have to focus on the island first. The survivors of Marley are another time.

TW Horror TW Gore TW injury TW death

So! As the outside world is completely going to shit because of the Decepticons, the Survey Corps have contained Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie and discovered that humanity isn't extinct. Now there is an argument about submitting this information to the public because there was no coup. Rod and the others are still in powers, and they want to suppress that information to keep the power that they have. Hell, they had to go through great lengths to suppress the fact that Jack, Miko, and Raf were from another world that was over-populated with humans. Kenny had to kill a few people to do that.

But the problem is that the Survey Corps had just experienced a significant boost in popularity because they got Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. They got the people responsible for the fall of Wall Maria. With the Autobot's might, they are going to cause technological advancements so big that people will want to leave the Walls forever. Rod and the others are losing their influence because of them and that needs to change. But they've been watched from the shadows, by Airachnid.

Now, Airachnid knows for a fact that Megatron sent her out on a suicide mission because he no longer trusted her and wanted her out of the way. I mean, her, go up against a power that could potentially flatten this world? She wasn't a fool. But maybe she could take the powers of the Founder for herself, use it to go kill Megatron and take over the Decepticons. Airachnid’s not stupid enough to work with humans again, not after what happened with her alliance with MECH that almost got her killed. So instead, she just starts kidnapping the people of the inner walls one by one as to not arouse suspicion. She knows that the Autobots are here, but if she reports it, the Decepticons will come to the island and she can’t get that power for herself.

She gets her hands on Rod and Kenny manages to escape but is wounded, but not before swiping an armored serum from Rod’s supplies.

Airachnid tortures Rod and demands to know about the powers of the Founder and where it is. Rod ends up confessing that someone outside of the royal family took it and passed it onto his son, Eren Jaeger. Airachnid is delighted to hear the news, but Rod tells her that she won’t be able to use it. Only someone of royal blood can do so. He says this thinking that Airachnid might still need him to find Krista, but Airachnid starts laughing. Airachnid doesn’t mind, as the Decepticons have Zeke Jaeger, so she can just steal him when she gets Eren. Airachnid ends up killing Rod as he begs for his life because he’s no longer useful to her.

Unfortunately for Airachnid, she ends up getting someone on the radar of the Survey Corps: Pastor Nick. The Survey Corps realize he’s missing just as they were about to embark back to Wall Maria to repair the gate. Mike has been commenting about the air smelling like venom and acid lately. It’s been bothering him. Erwin decides to trust Mike’s judgement and sends Mikasa, Jack, Marco, and Sasha to check it out with a few MPs: Jean, Hitch, and Marlowe. Mike still thinks that something his wrong, really wrong, and tells Mikasa and Jack to take two of the prototype thunder spears Hanji, Raf, and Ratchet have been working on.

So they are looking for Pastor Nick in Wall Sina, cause that's where he was spotted, and things are...tense. Jean can definitely tell there's been a change in Marco since the last time he saw him, and that was when Marco decided to join the Survey Corps. Jean sees that a lot of Marco's joy and innocence is gone, and it makes Jean feel guilty. He ran away to save himself. What does that make him? He also recognizes Jack as one of the people who saved him during Trost, and how he's decked out in the Survey Corps uniform. And Mikasa and Sasha...damn it, he felt like shit.

Meanwhile Marco just feels guilty because Jean is refusing to talk to him and is going to active lengths to avoid him. He missed his friend, and after losing Connie and being betrayed by Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie, it hurts too much. Jack says that maybe Jean just needs some time. Hitch complains about Annie going missing and the Survey Corps definitely feel awkward. And then...Sasha starts trembling and growling. Mikasa asks her what's wrong, but Sasha almost looks like she's going rabid. Marco and Jack are looking at each other, both thinking this has to be connected somehow.

And that's when Kenny stumbles out of the forest in the newer ODM gear, holding his side and falling to the ground, dropping the serum in the process. Jack immediately gets off his horse and tends to Kenny, checking if he's still breathing and giving him some water. Jack doesn't have any cloth, so he ends up taking off his jacket and tying it around Kenny's wound and presses down to stop the bleeding.

Kenny groaned in pain as he finally managed to get a good look at Jack. "Fuck...you're one of those brats."

"I'm trying to save your life here. I could do less without the insults," Jack told him.

"If you think that's an insult," Kenny slurred.

Marco asks what happened. And Kenny can't get another word out cause he's starting to lose consciousness. But he keeps on muttering about a 'spider bitch'. Jack asks Mikasa to help get him on the horse and Kenny is now hanging on the back of Jack's horse. Marco sees the serum box and grabs it. Hitch and Marlowe understandably want to go back. But the Survey Corps still need to investigate, so they camp out of the night. However, Sasha's on edge the entire time. Mikasa can't help but note the 3D gear model that Kenny is wearing is significantly different than theirs. What's with the guns instead of blades? Kenny does wake up and aims his gun at them, but Jack is able to talk him down enough and explain that they were friendly, and that they found him injured.

Kenny states that he's not going with them and is trying to get as far away from here as possible. Jack asks what he's running from, and Kenny just tells him that it's some crazy, metal, spider bitch. But that's enough for Jack to put the pieces together. Sasha's growling, Mike's description of the air smelling like metal and acid.

"Airachnid," Jack gasped in horror, "Airachnid's here."

"Who's that?" Jean demanded.

"She's a Decepticon," Jack gulped, "Arcee has it out for her and Airachnid has it out for me."

"What did you do?" Marco asked.

"I blew up her ship," Jack answered.

"You what?!" Sasha screeched.

Jack explains that Airachnid killed Arcee's partner and went rouge for a while before rejoining the Decepticons on Earth. But if Airachnid is here, that means the other Decepticons have to be here as well.

"When you say others-,"

"I mean others," Jack emphasized, "An army of Decepticons! An entire ship! Cybertronians that don't care about killing humans! That's means Megatron's here too! Oh...oh no. Megatron's here too."

Jack is overwhelmed at the sure danger they were going to be in while the other Survey Corps are genuinely scared. They thought the titans were bad, but Jack didn't freak out as much compared to the thought of the other Decepticons. Marco says that they need to try and stop her. Jean is immediately adamant about the idea, and the two are now arguing. The idea is insane! Killing titans is one thing, but a warrior like those metal titans is out of the question! They did not train for that! Marco tells Jean he has the great capabilities of becoming a good leader. Why is he acting like a coward now?! Jean shoots back at him and says that it's because he's always been a coward! You were too stupid and naïve to see it! The air is now tense, but Jack states that he agrees with Marco. They need to stop Airachnid. Because whatever she's doing, she could report back to the Decepticons and they need to stop that from happening. Jack demands that Kenny tell him where Airachnid is.

"What do I get out of this?" Kenny demanded.

"You are bleeding out! Stop trying to bargain!" Sasha yelled.

Kenny relents and tells him that she's in an underground cave where she's also holding the rest of the government people. Right below the church. Jack then explains how Airachnid operates. Her webs, her acid, her spider legs, her ability to drill underground and her alt mode, which is a helicopter. Sasha asks if her spider legs connect to her sides. Jack explains they connect to one spot on her back. They all realize that they can use the thunder spears to hit that spot, and half of Airachnid's abilities would be gone. But the issue now is that they need to drag her out and get her attention.

Mikasa: How do we stop her?

Marco: We need bait.

Everyone turned to Jack.

Jack: Really?!

Jean: Hey! You said that she had it out for you!

Jack: Doesn't mean I want to be bait!

Sasha: You gotta better option?!

Jack:...at least I'm not dressing in drag and doing the hula.

Hitch and Marlowe don't want to be involved and immediately ask to leave. Jean is almost disgusted, but Jack tells them to go and get help, which the two MPs are more than happy to do. Mikasa asks about Kenny, and Jack decides that they're going to take his 3D gear and give it to Jean, since it looks to be the same mechanism.

"Like hell!" Kenny yelled.

Mikasa pointed a blade at Kenny's neck. "My specialty is cutting up flesh."

Jean wants to protest to this, but Marco give Jean a pleading look, and he can't say no, the guilt eating at him too much. Marco says that Kenny can take his horse, which Kenny begrudgingly agrees to. Kenny rides off and Marco has to ride with Jean. Jack quickly shoots Miko and Raf a text with multiple spider emojis followed by help because he wasn't sure if Soundwave would get wise. The Autobots have managed to create a link between the kids phones without the need of a satellite. Roll with it. Miko and Raf tell the Autobots and Survey Corps and Arcee puts two and two together before booking it hard.

They arrive at the church about two hours later, since Kenny had to travel a long way to get to their location, and find the door to the underground cave. Sasha is growling more erratically now, and Jack can't help but tremble. They were literally going into the lion's den. But they knew what to do: distract Airachnid. Don't let her see Mikasa so she can disable her legs. Jack, Sasha, Marco, and Jean rush in and are in met with the sight of bodies strung up by webs, heads plastered on walls, blood and acid everywhere. Marco saw that some of them were still alive and asked Jack if they could take them down. Jack says to do it fast as he flies on ahead. The air is completely tense as Jack is flying through the cave, trying to find out where Airachnid was while everyone else is cutting down the others and telling them to run as quietly as possible. Sasha notices one of the heads mounted on the wall...looks like Krista. And Sasha feels and overwhelming sense of dread before looking up to see a spider aiming her arms directly at Marco. She tackles Marco out of the way just as Airachnid fires. Sasha screams for Jack before the three split off. Mikasa watching in horror and remaining close behind to perform her ambush. Jack quickly turns back around and flies back to see Airachnid going after Marco. Jack decides 'screw it' and throws one of his blades at Airachnid to get her attention. And it gets her attention.

"Well, Jack, I didn't expect to see you here," Airachnid smirked, "This day just got more interesting."

Airachnid immediately chases Jack and Jack is weaving and bobbing to dodge her strikes and webs. Airachnid almost has Jack pinned down, but Sasha quickly steps on her face and flips back to get her attention.

"Come here, ugly!" Sasha screamed at her, "You sack of shit!"

Airachnid growls at her and starts chasing Sasha, but Marco starts getting in her way too. Marco, Sasha, and Jack are flying around Airachnid and distracting her, but Airachnid can't land a hit on them because they were moving too fast. Jean is terrified to step in and is just hanging back. What was he even supposed to do with these guns?! The blades were clearly not working! They only had one shot to get to her and it relied on Mikasa!

But something happens. Airachnid manages to cut one of Jack's grappling hooks with her legs, causing Jack to hit the ground hard and roll. Sasha and Marco are now distracted, and Airachnid shoots webs at the both of them. Sasha ends up hitting the ceiling while Marco is pinned to the wall.

"You got new toys to play with. How cute!" Airachnid seethed before smirking, "But that's all it is. Toys."

Airachnid turned to Marco and crawled up to him, causing the teen to shake. Jack tries to fire his other grappling hook, but his gear was now busted from the fall.

"Leave him alone! He has nothing to do with this!" Jack yelled at her.

"It's not that simple, Jack." Marco let out a shaky breath as Airachnid grabbed his face, "I want something, and you might be able to get it for me. Where is Eren Jaeger?"

Jack is stunned by the question. Why does she want Eren? Airachnid assumes that he doesn't know about the Founder and proclaims it's a need to know basis. (Remember, Eren hasn't accessed his memories, nor has he encountered Dina.) Airachnid demands he tell her or she's start killing his new playmates one by one. Sasha is struggling in her restraints, but Marco looks at her defiantly and says the Survey Corps Mantra. Airachnid smirks at that and says that can be arranged. Airachnid decides torture first and tears out Marco's right eye, causing him to scream in pain. And it causes Jean to react. He aims the guns at Airachnid and fires. It hits her face and Airachnid is blinded. She's yelling and trying to rub her optics and clear her vision. Jean looks down to see the blue residue on the gun. He doesn't know what it is, but it's working. Jean reloads and fires two more, Airachnid blocks it, but she still can't see very well through her optics. Airachnid then feels something hook onto her back, right were her appendages met, and managed to catch the blurry sight of Mikasa flying past her.

But it was too late. The thunder spear went off, and all of Airachnid's legs were blown off. Airachnid screams in anger and tries to grab Mikasa, but the Ackerman uses the other thunder spear to blow off her arm. As Airachnid is distracted and now trying to flee on two legs, Mikasa quickly cuts down Sasha and cuts down Marco. Jean is mortified at the sight of Marco's injury and quickly helps him up. Jean apologizes for not reacting soon enough and for everything else, but Marco thanks him for saving his life.

Arcee bursts in through the same entrance the others came in and quickly finds Airachnid trying to escape through a tunnel she created during her time on the island. Arcee tackles her before throwing her into a pillar knocking her out hard. Arcee searches frantically for the others and finds them injured but alive. Sasha asks how she got here so fast, and Arcee explains that she saw the text before coming back as soon as possible and finding Hitch and Marlowe who directed her on where to go.

Arcee then drags Airachnid out of the tunnel and to the surface, with the others slowly following. Arcee watches her up top as she regains consciousness. She sees Arcee aiming her blaster at her and smirks.

"When you extinguish my spark, make it hurt," Airachnid requested, "You know I would extend that courtesy to you."

Arcee thinks about it. She really thinks about it, but goes back to the bigger picture, their situation, and what happened the last time Arcee tried to take revenge. It caused this war to be prolonged. There were no doubt others. She needed that information, and...the teens here didn't need to see her lose her shit. She didn't want a repeat of Bumblebee. The Autobots and Survey Corps arrive just in time as Arcee makes her choice.

"I'm not like you." Arcee transformed her arm back into her servo before walking away from the spider. Airachnid tried to stand up and...fight? Flee? The attack from that other human destroyed all her other legs, and no doubt did damage to her spine. She couldn't get up. She was...defenseless. She was at the Autobot's mercy, and she was defenseless.

"I can't help but marvel at such a beautiful shade of purple." a voice spoke. Airachnid felt her arms give out and collapse back on the ground. She saw in her vision a human woman, strolling up to her face with ease. Without a care in the world. Without fear. The human kneeled down and rested a hand on her face before positioning her blade near her optic.

"No pupils. How odd." she tilted her head.

"Who-,"

"My name doesn't matter," she replied, "I've been told that humans don't matter to you Decepticons. So my name shouldn't be important. Although, it's a bit unfortuate that you lost your other limbs. I've never met a titan like you before. The legs would have been interesting for experiments. Oh well, we'll probably just melt your legs down for parts."

"Wh-what?" Airachnid stumbled with her wording.

"As for the rest of you, your webs and your acid, is going to be a marvel to look at." The human's mouth turned upward into a sick and twisted grin, "Don't worry. I'm not going to kill you. I'm just going to break you down to your basic components and see what makes you tick. You'll make such a valuable contribution to our cause."

Airachnid felt her arm...shake as the human stood up. Her smile disappeared as she put her sword away.

"What?" she challenged, "Did you expect us to cower in fear at the sight of you? We are trained to kill you. We are the hunters, and you are the prey."

Hanji asks someone to go get the rest of Airachnid's limbs while Marco is tended to for his wounds.

Additional stuff:

-Jean nearly losing Marco to Airachnid causes Jean to not take the cowards way out and join the Survey Corps.

-Marco gives the serum he took from Kenny to Erwin, which Erwin is grateful for.

-When the Autobots and Survey Corps realize what the government was actually doing, they tell the other military branches, and invoke military powers to take over the government and release the information about the notebooks to the rest of the walls.

-When the Survey Corps collect the bodies, Krista recognizes her father's head and...nearly faints at the sight. Ymir asked what was wrong, but Krista can't answer. With some extra prompting, Krista says that the head was that of her father. Someone tries to reassure her, but Krista turns to them with tears of...relief and says that her name is Historia.

-The 3D gear they picked up from Kenny is examined, and the energon shells are in them. Ratchet demands to know how the Allspark this happened. More digging into government officials reveals their nefarious intentions and that the Founding Titan was stolen.

-Kenny never gave his name, so they have no idea that they encountered Levi's uncle.

-Meanwhile, Hanji is practically torturing Airachnid for experiments and knowledge. Which Arcee is happy about, but Optimus is not!

(From Justa: Arcee: Maybe you were right. It was better to leave her alive. : )

Optimus: This is not what I meant, and you know it.)

But Hanji does a vote:

Hanji: Okay, Prime, let's take a vote! Who here thinks that Airachnid deserves far worse?!

Autobots and Survey Corps raise their hands.

Optimus is annoyed, and Erwin pats his back in response. Insubordination. He gets it.

-But now there's a problem: the Decepticons are here, and they have no idea when they were going to make their next more or even if the Decepticons were aware of them. As the Walls, move to expand territory and locate the neutral ship, a few Survey Corps members see the ship of Marleyan survivors dock their shores.

(Holy shit, this is longer than what I usually write! And I definitely missed some shit, but whatever! Enjoy!)

[dragynkeep]

The worse thing to constantly think about TWDG is that characters consistency are shit when they're not Clem. Kenny has a very strong character when it comes to people he loves (will always cry when he leave for Clem and AJ to live) but he's...a lot, Lily remained strong even when losing her father and pulled through for everyone....but she would willingly mutilate a child, so much of their personalities are weird af and I wish Telltale was a bit more consistent with them

I don't think it's much a consistency issue as it is just missing the middle man, and also the two examples being wholely unlikeable outside of S1. But what gets me is that the way they're treated by the actual writers and story.

Both are unlikeable, but Kenny is constantly fucking babied by the narrative and the fandom, to the point where you're constantly expected to side with him and the arguable best endings are his. He either is treated as this dad figure that Clementine can't bear to leave, or he's the hero who, despite all his flaws, sacrificed his own safety so that Clementine and AJ had somewhere to live peacefully.

Compare that to the alone ending, where it's heavily pushed that Clementine is now forever changed and it's sad to survive on her own, which it is. Or the Jane endings were Clementine is either shown to be a heartless survivor like Jane, or her trust in new people is misplaced because they end up bad.

Nevermind that Kenny is abusive, racist, stupid and just downright hostile in S2, I hated every second he was on screen because he didn't need to be there. His arc was done! He learned to forgive the boy who got his family killed and sacrificed himself so that Ben didn't have to feel pain! It was good!

And I'm sorry, but Lilly was nowhere near as bad as Kenny in S1. The worst thing she did was shoot Carley/Doug after snapping, and if we're supposed to ignore Kenny wanting to abandon Ben to die in Episode 4, far more painfully I might add, then I'm sure the game can push us to be understanding to this.

Except oh wait, S4 brought her back and after Episode 2, just made her into Evil Woman who mutilates kids. I didn't even mind Lily being an antagonist at first, Episode 2 did great imo in fleshing her out through her relationship to Clementine, giving her a good characteristic that made Lilly more nuanced.

Until they just gave up and most of the fandom decided she was EvilTM. Kenny is good ol Uncle Kenny who might have said slurs and beat a kid half to death, but Lilly is pure EvilTM.

The way this series treated these two characters make me wanna cry.

Kenny apologists do NOT interact, I will pour cement in your water pipes.

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend, stuck somewhere between cheering "We're back baby!!" and "WTF was that 😳😳😳!!!???". We've got the firefam back and going strong in every way, be it collectively or with their partners, and the vibes have been sorely missed. On the other hand exactly how are we supposed to interpret Buck and Eddie's relationship other than exactly what you're putting on the damn screen Tim??!! There's literally only one logical conclusion to completing the Diaz family once Eddie is asking Buck directly to help him parent, and it sure as hell isn't Folger's coffee Marisol (or KR's mom's best friend). Also when the stage direction for these two is apparently "make a lot of sexual innuendos but with only facial expressions" while Ryan's direction in the Marisol scenes is "act like she's present" 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. Anywho, loved this start to the season, it ranged seamlessly from deeply personal to jello talk (to the very non subtle Natalia bashing) and if this is what we're in for I'm very much on board, so cheers friend and let's welcome our show home!!

Yooooo! How are we feeling after that episode?! It was WILD, right? Hands down the best premier episode they've had since season 3. Plus, the emergency for the next two (!!!) episodes looks like it's going to be the heart-pounding and engaging action that actually hits some emotional beats that we've sorely missed! Tim is bringing that sweet, sweet, firefam energy and it's PALPABLE in every scene where the heart of the show lies, and that is with our mains. (We didn't get a lot of Hen, but I feel like she's going to be featured more heavily next week which we probably wouldn't have noticed if the show got a 2 hour premier like the big emergencies used to get.)

The Buddie stuff was....whoo boy. Having the blurry background gf for the flashback to the date, but Buck being the one Eddie goes to when an issue comes up? LOUD! Buck being asked to step in and co-parent when the difficult conversation needs to happen? LOUD! Having Buck and Shannon sit in the same place on the bed to "talk" to Chris? LOUD LOUD LOUD! At the end of the day, I'm just happy we're getting to see Buddie have scenes together and actually SEE that they are best friends and in each other's pockets. But also, like...how are you going to establish that there isn't anyone who can co-parent with Eddie like Buck can and expect anyone to root for either of them forcing some rando into that space?! And don't get me started on that weird serial killer grimace smile Marisol has painted onto her face. She had a blip second of screentime and it was already SO cringe. Can we just be done with that now?

Speaking of done, I am STILL laughing at Tim coming in like, "The death doula was STUPID, it wasn't at ALL what Buck would need or want, and we aren't gonna do it! I planned a scene, but actually we have more important stuff to do!" Meanwhile, the "more important stuff" was Eddie being shirtless while Buck ogles him, Eddie putting his hand on Buck's pulse again while Buck blushes and smiles, Buck talking about sexual tension while walking towards Eddie dick first and holding a fire extinguisher hose in front of his crotch and proceeding to spray it, Buck and Eddie co-parenting seamlessly, and basically Buck and Eddie making heart eyes at each other any time the other did anything. If nothing else, Tim has a WEALTH of info to point back to as signposts if anyone wants to try and argue that Buddie came out of nowhere, like DAMN. Get a ROOM you two!

ANYWAY. I'm stoked for next week! I am ready to see Bobby and Athena going through it while the firefam are fighting to get to them! I am READY to see more Madney being adorable and heartfelt and their scenes being funny while not just being played off for laughs (not that KR was ever able to keep Kenny and JLH from bring the feels in every interaction because they're actually good at their jobs, but you know what I mean). I am dyyyyying to know what Hen and Karen are up to right now, and I am ready to see the whole crew back at work! (I'm also here for any more shade Timmy wants to throw around because some of the comments, and some of the lines in the show have got me like 🤭🤭🤭)

ABC came out swinging with all the promo and having EVERYONE doing interviews (god bless, Oliver needed a break), and the premier episode absolutely backed up all that work and money they put in. I am cautiously optimistic that, at least as far as getting the show back on track to those early season vibes, we are in for some good times and delicious drama that is still human and centered instead of OTT soapy. Cheers and fingers crossed this momentum keeps up and gets people engaged so we can get a full season 8!

[cricketburger]

Kinda related to the other thing I was talking about:

The fact that I can’t differentiate canon and fanon like where’d my media literacy go

I’ll start it now off with some anecdotes that a lot of people can relate to probably and then get more obscure as we get on okay??

Common hcs that I forget aren’t real

- Thomas is bisexual (idk where this one even came from but everyone just accepted it)

- Abe listens to weezer (look at him!!)

- Craig isn’t Peruvian (white Craig fanart always throws me off)

- Kenny doesn’t have freckles or scars (he’d fit freckles and also I hc he’d get a scar every time he dies like a bullet shaped one or one on his head from the chainsaw)

- Mike isn’t trans??? (Genuinely everyone I’ve seen agrees with that one)

Okay now the more obscure ones and Mandela effects I’ve forced upon myself (might as well divide them into fandoms):

The owl house:

These are all hunter ones because I like him the most

- Hunter texts like an old man and posts really blurry photos on penstagram

This one comes from a Headcanon I have relating to Melly that she’s the really tech savvy one and creates new slang in ever text and hunter is like a literal caveman like bro probably didn’t even know about electricity until he was 14

Lke melly prbly txts like ths 2 save time n all her txts

AN.d H un T3r TexTs.likethis be,aues hes nevER USEDA0hone be froe

- he also gives really heartfelt apologies for really silly things like

‘Dearest Luz, I am deeply apologetic towards you for my use of the phrase ‘Fatherless Behaviour’ towards you this morning. I was informed by Gus that it was a funny phrase used by humans towards people who are fans of the popular Minecraft Youtuber, Dreamwastaken, which you have mentioned to me that you enjoy. Thus, I found using the phrase to be appropriate for the situation. I was unaware that it had bad undertones however, as I had not been informed about the passing of your father. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. - Hunter.’

- Also all 3 of the blights ratio him on literally everything like he’ll tweet about what happened to Flapjack and they’ll have successfully ratioed him 1931029:1 in 30 seconds

South park:

Okay let me tell you there’s a lot of these so buckle in:

For context, most of these (all) come from a crack episode me and my sister thought up last year about a costume day, so they’re all really stupid and ooc ones (even more so than hunter’s)

- Craig is a huge Hamilton Stan

He absolutely went through a phase from 2016-18, this alongside Bmc and Heathers made him realise he was gay (he probably kinned Laurens and Michael and then realised why like 3 years later and was definitely into JD) his favourite song is what’d I miss and had to buy more storage because of the amount of Hamilton memes on his phone

- On the other hand, Mr Mackey despises LMM with a burning passion

This one started out as a joke where he threatens to expel Craig for liking Hamilton (‘if you come into my office talking about Lin Manuel Miranda I will expel you) but next time it was brought up it was misremembered as Kill so then it snowballed into this weed of a man threatening nuclear genocide on the universe at the mention of this man?? But he does gen seem like the kinda guy who doesn’t like Hamilton (principal Victoria would love it though she’d be super enthusiastic about the inclusion and stuff (not a pc principal level though))

- Principal Victoria is the worlds most performative activist

I drew fanart of her standing next to Craig in a hospital bed holding a pride flag like ‘get well soon!! Please don’t tell your parents about this!! I’m an ally!!’ (Context: she nearly accidentally killed him)

- Kyle and Stan don’t have really high pitched voices, Clyde doesn’t sound like a Chad, and Cartman doesn’t sound like a grater

Context: nobody involved in the voice cast of RotBC can voice act

Bonus, which isn’t from RotBC: Mysterion and Pip aren’t actually best friends and Kenny actually hates him as much as anyone else

[stealingbones]

can i just,, rant about south park? (spoiler warning obv)

I never thought id be into basic american adult tv buthere we are- I recently got into it, feb 19th i started watching and finished the whole 26 seasons and two games (sot and tfbw) in a month. Just finished tfbw game earlier today and almost lost my mind fr bc wth man.... anyway, theres your background for how mentally ill i am, now-

South park characters have so much detail in their characters, right down to the little things, like cartman having to finish singing sail away or kenny liking oragami, like??? i love the little character details that nobody thinks about hello??

Its so hard to take them seriously with that stupid artstyle (the artstyle has grown on me and i love it sm but still, theyre hella goofy) but seriously some parts cut deep- especially the whole fucking covid thing, never in my life did i think id cry at fUCKING SOUTH PARK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I see a lot of angst and it actually makes sense??? And just,, a lot of stan's stuff is really depressing, i hate the episode(s) 'youre getting older' holy fuck. The fact that stan knows how to drive at 8 years old most likely because his dad is an alcoholic who drives drunk too is graaAAA,, I feel so bad for butters too, the innocent child who gets all the trauma dumped on him 💀 none of the kids in south park are safe from trauma, not even 'new kid' (they fr made you choose a parent, dude.....) one of my favorite serious moments though actually is when kenny tries to get them to remember his deaths, the like "TRY AND FUCKING REMEMBER." is so dramatic and im fbedhunfinjecnijef

also cartman being the only one to remember kenny's deaths waa,, Cartmanland he says 'what kenny? he dies all the time' and when kenny tries to make the others remember,, cartman isnt there so á, then cartman isnt shocked when kenny escapes wherever tf cthuhlu sent everyone. cartman did drink kenny's ashes so that could be the reason he remembers epic

also also, i didnt even think about it before until i seen just kenny and kyle at the bus stop, but stan and cartman moving away and just having two of the main four left at the iconic bus stop scene is so upsetting,, I enjoy the older seasons best 💔 Like season 10 and earlier man,, their early seson voices too omg <3 When they started doing season long stories was kind of annoying (edit bc new episode dropped, they put cartman back lmao,, still missing stan though man...)

Switching topics- No wonder style is more popular than stendy, it has more content than stendy even though theyre cannon dating 💀i think cartman and wendy interaction more actually. Wendy's kind of cool and i wish theyd make an effort to show her and stan together more often (even small things like they do with creek) and a few times its even shown how little stan cares, like with the texting thing or the time they broke up for a bit stan had said he hadnt talked to her for weeks... Stan doesnt deserve wendy tbh, i also always forget she killed someone for stan lol, they really dialed her crazy back,,

I probably have more random thoughts but these are the main ones,, the little guys have been doing laps around my brain for a month straight and i feel like im going to explode