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evilmagician430 · 10 months

Text

boyfriends but awesome (and instead of a webtoon its an independent webcomic)

design notes and 3ds flipnote concept art below the cut

general notes abt their designs and what the comic would be like in my head:

>they dont have names in this version cause i think that was one of the good things they did originally. i imagine they refer to eachother as "that one" "the other guy" etc like the dhmis guys when talking about eachother.

>they are not in a defined romantic relationship with eachother because i think thats more interesting, the polyamory aspect would be kept (im not polyamorous btw so im not gonna try to write an established polycule) but its more vague in that they all kind of have a thing for eachother but also hate eachother and want to rip eachothers guts out. and theyre all roommates and bffs. if you asked them what they were the answer you would get would be "friends who are boys". they are the height of male friendship, hate, love, etc.

>instead of focusing on sexualizing them in strange ways and doing boring moe shit it would lean into the comedy aspect BUT NO MEMES OR LATE 2010S SLANG !! this was something i could not fucking stand when reading the original (if you couldnt tell by now i did used to read boyfriends. it was a regrettable time and in redesigning and overhauling them i hope to make something good out of this wasted period of my life) like even when it was current boyfriends always made memes feel.. out of place. like as soon as they said it it wasnt cool anymore. it was the unfunniest shit ever

>i wanted the characters to look less WHITE and also more distinct from eachother and also less young cause in the original its like the same twink 3 times in different haircolors and their Chad. said chad is the best character only by way of not being annoying. so yeah i'll be more specific later but none of them are white and i gave them all different eye and nose shapes and distinct physical traits and bodies etc.

>mostly i just did this cause the "nerd" and "goth" ones piss me off so bad like thats not real. thats not a nerd thats just a nondescript waify femboy with glasses. thats not a goth, thats a tiktok eboy. and i felt bad for jock being trapped in this comic. and the prep one i feel nothing towards hes the most accurate to gay preps irl because they really are that annoying. but i tried to make him a little interesting atleast. anyways

nerd - black, brony, always aggressively corrects the others when they state an incorrect fact, really into playstation eyetoy and obscure playstation games. insanely autistic. usually pissed off if hes not indulging himself in something he likes (yaoi, games, ponies, figures, etc). i just wanted to overhaul him completely to make him almost nothing like refrainbow's nerd because nerd type characters are always the ones i tend to see myself in and are my favorites but reading the webtoon that guy just pissed me off fr.

jock - 2nd gen chinese american, one of the things i liked in the original actually was when they sexualized the jock (probably cause hes the only one who doesnt look 14 in that comic) and his big tits. hes a very genuinely kind guy, not the brightest, has a voracious appetite, he also still bakes cause thats cute i think.

prep - he looks different here because i was originally going to make him white but i decided to make him a light/medium skintone black guy (he just wears a blonde wig and contacts). when companies make their pride month merchandise and advertisements this is the exact person they imagine in their head who is going to buy these products. hes a million percent one of those swifties who thinks taylor swift is secretly a lesbian. trust fund kid btw obviously. his only redeeming quality is that hes good at makeup. jokes in the comic are usually made at his expense.

goth - 1st gen latino american, specifically peruvian because i am a self serving motherfucker. hes a really big numetal fan and listens to like 2000s evil wolf amv music in addition to legitimate gothic. his face changed a little too between this and the final design. his outfit completely changed but its only because i realized everyone else was dressed for relatively warm weather so it wouldnt make sense for him to be wearing multiple layers of black. if i do cold weather outfits for them id def reuse this look for him. hes still trans but i think all of them are in my version. also they dont use labels for their sexual/rom orientation. except prep hes homosexual gay.

congratulations for reaching the end of this incomprehensible bullshit 👍 hope someone enjoys this but idrc if its just for me either

#images that are horrid to see and look at #mspaint #boyfriends #boyfriends webtoon #boyfriends redesign #redesign #character design #boy-friendz #nerd guy #jock guy #prep guy #goth guy #boyfriends slander

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hesitantvampirealien · 3 months

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🌎 OPERATION HOT CHIMP

For TOO LONG the DD fandom has been in shambles, ppl arguing spreading misinfo, straying from the original concept etc. Remember when we were supposed to make Nananana the most viewed video on Youtube, yea that didnt pan out did it.

Well I believe i have a solution....🤯🤯

July 26 is going to be a WORLD WIDE DANGER DAYS BLAST. We're going to post fics, hcs, art, cosplays, vids etc to show ppl that were back with a force. 💥🙌

Im setting some ground rules for this content and all DD content going forward. ive thought about them for a while and i think theyre fair. new rules for OPERATION HOT CHIMP are as follows,

🦍 No sayin you wanna fuck Tommy chow/lo mein, witch or that clown guy

🦍 Vayas not going to fuck you either so just let that one rest

🦍 OCs are fine but no more crossovers. i dont think sherlocks gonn show up in the zones to say "hmmmm i have a mystery for...............PARTY POISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

🦍 OC names can only have 2 words, noone cares how many dracks Toxic Orgy Bomb Shit Chromatic Biscuits Pie has killed

🦍 Tbh OC names should be more original in general, theyve all got named like Titty Detonator, for exmaple mines called Ricky Bobby (my fav will ferell movie), its laid back, funny movie reference etc also hes a racecar driver like the real Ricky bobby

🦍 Dr. Death Defyings real name is not "Steve." Its charles

🦍 Power Pup is made from DOG FOOD not "grinded up exterminators"

🦍 No more sayin Kobra kid is 🇬🇧british. Tbh the royals probably died in the wars, and thats a huge part of the "Being british package"

🦍 If you write/draw stuff about the four you HAVE to include the girl. "i dont like her shes boring" idc, the girl is the center of dd, she keeps fun ghoul from doin stupid stuff like sticking his dick in the mailbox and yellin "FORGIVE THIS BITCH"

Rn ppl outside the dd fandom make fun of us, sayin "haha its the wierd sewer of the mcrmy."

Thats bc they see the DD fandom as 💥💥💣🤮🙄🙄😑😐💣 But with OPERATION HOT CHIMP, i know we can turn it into 💿💃🍡🦍👈⛽🍆🤯🛴💰🗿

Call it CODENAME GORILLA when your around non-DD ppl (normies). We're going to blow their minds with the biggest blast the MCRmy has ever seen🤯🤯 July 26, write it down 📝

No this is not a joke....someone needs to straighten things up around here....might as well be me🤌

As Ricky Bobby said shake....and BAKE🤛

i was unironically actually waiting for this to hit my asks

(well I'm already doing my part by remembering everyone that super powers are a thing in danger days 🪻)

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ask-the-scout-siblings · 8 months

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To all: What are your thoughts about Mortimer, Riley, Nick, and Daisy? Anything that you like and dislike about them?

"Aha! I told you we'd get an ask!

"Wait- We actually did?!-"

"Anyways! To answer your question;"

"Mortimer is a manipulative asshole, the very opposite of his show counterpart. None of us really like him that much, he's way too controlling"

"But, he is good fellow to chat to, sometimes..."

"You CHAT WITH HIM?!?!"

"Mostly during tea time, he offered to have a talk with me in his office, a few minutes after I failed my first test run"

"..So that explains why we cant find you during those times..."

"Dude, you gotta have balls of steel to that-"

"W-What do you guys chat...chat about?"

"...Bri'ish stuff-"

"Moving on!"

"Riley is an obvious one, she's a bitch and a huge jerk, aswell as a very strict teacher. Most of us arent really well liked by her, except for Bonnie"

"She's sort of a me-mentor figure to me, a sadistic and...and twisted one to be exact-"

"Its probably because Im the only one who obeys her co-commands withought protest...and also because Im not...not stupid-"

"What did you say?"

"Nothing!-"

"Tho I will say, she's fun to annoy and pull pranks on"

"Now that I agree"

"Nick is a cold blooded maniac, aswell as an overly dramatic theater kid, probably the least threatening of the Handeemen-"

"He's a pathetic, shitty person, who cant seem to know what true talent is, even if it was displayed RIGHT infront of him!"

"Are you still salty about him ca-calling your...your design utter trash?"

"NO!"

"...maybe-"

"Same thing with Riley, tho, we once teamed up with eachother to pull a big prank on his rival as somekind of revenge shit. But then, he betrayed us right after we get caught. He did let me have some of his stolen spray paint, so I guess he's sort of a cool??"

"I heard a rumor that he was hidding secret portraits in his room, not sure what they are but its apparently something very embarrasing"

"Im hoping its just poorly drawn stickfigure shits or something-"

"What else could it be?"

"You dont want to know"

*Ehem*

"Moving on!"

"Daisy is probably the only Handeemen we like the most, although, her danger mode is also the scariest.."

"Pro tip; Do Not swear anywhere near her, Radley learned the hard way-"

"I can still taste the soap in my mouth..."

*Shudders*

"She's re-real nice, abit...abit of a mother hen, but nice!"

"She taught us how to bake a pie once, but, we were shortly banned from the kitchen when the stove caught on fire-"

"Not my fault no one told me shit about greese fire and water not mixing well!"

"Didnt...didnt Riley taught us about that during one of her ca-classes?"

"Not my fault her classes were too fucking boring for me to give a fuck!"

"And you wonder why she hates you so...so much.."

#ask #hello puppets #hello puppets ask blog #scout prime #royal purple scout #british invasion scout #red hair scout #space buns scout #sorry for the long reply #posting this on the main tag to get more recognition

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bye-bye-firefly · 1 year

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I’ve heard of Colleen Hoover books. I like listening to book reviews on youtube while doing other stuff (I’ll listen to reviews for books I haven’t read along with books I have read, sometimes I’ll find something that sounds good enough that I’d want to read it and then I’ll add it to my list. Though, most of the time the reviews are just entertaining) and I’ve heard reviews for Colleen Hoover books soooooo often. They’ve all sounded like such fever dreams. Like very huh?????? Vibes. Haven’t actually read any of them though.

Books are indeed very expensive. I’m very happy things like libraries and second hand bookstores exist. They are a wonderful magic. I would like to bake them all a cake and give them a cup of hot cocoa

I haven’t heard of Jungi Ito before or Meg Mason or Mark Danielewski. I shall google them after I’m done writing this! I have heard of Steven King, which probably isn’t surprising considering how popular some of his stuff is. In like 4th or 5th grade it was like I could not walk into a room at school without seeing It on someone’s desk. That book was everywhere.

Do you have a favorite genre to look for stuff in or a favorite method of finding books? Also, thoughts on flowery writing?

NEVER HEARD OF JUNJI ITO........You will learn

my favourite genre of all time ever since i was like really little has been horror. like when i was little i would read goosebumps and then when my dad heard that i could actually read well above my grade, she was like Oh fuck yes I am indoctrinating you so now i have read a lot of stephen king and i read stephen king books when she tells me to. there are things that i dont like about stephen king but for the most part? a lot of his books are worth reading. but yeah i always look in horror sometimes i pick up slice of life shit but only if its batshit okay like if i engage with ANYTHING slice of life it has to be the most batshit flavour and that means i am going to go for nichijous of the world OR drama. if its dramatic i always consider it. i dont like things to be boring or dragging on for too long it has to be a wild ride.

other than genres, finding books themselves...i mostly wander around bookstores or libraries and pick up whatever interests me OR i wait for someone online to talk about some obscure book and then i go Oh that sounds sick as fuck and then i go and read it and sometimes i like it sometimes i dont. i REFUSE to go to tiktok for books. i dont really use tiktok or like tiktok but those girlies are going fucking crazy over there for REAL!!! theyre the girlies who are making book tropes a thing that you can use in advertising and i hate it ive never seen so many new books lack a description in my whole fucking life THIS IS NOT A SUMMARY I DONT KNOW WHAT IM MEANT TO DERIVE FROM THIS LIST OF WORDS!!! like the whole point of tags on ao3 is yes to search but also to warn others of what is INSIDE the book and if you dont have a good summary or an interesting summary no one is going to read that fucking fic. like. look at nameless right. my summary is GREAT on there. THATS THE STORY. people who READ the fic know like THAT is the story. AND you get a taste of my writing. now, another fic i wrote, o green world. THAT'S NOTHING. THAT'S NOT A SUMMARY. i was OBSESSED with one to two-sentence summaries back when i was first starting out and it SHOWS you do not get SHIT from my summaries. no WONDER that hit count is so low god damn

and flowery writing..........i. i dont really like it that much. but most of the time it doesnt bother me until it gets to a point where im like this is a BREAKFAST TABLE. okay. i take flowery writing as a hint that i should be paying attention to everything the position of everything the colours i should be deriving some kind of meaning and i WILL take note of it because i am the kind of motherfucker that i will take notes on a book either in a journal or in the margins (BOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO im so sorry i only do it with books i own) but like a lot of the books ive read where theres flowery writing used for specific scenes or in bursts like theres no REASON for them to be flowery in that moment theyre just BEING FLOWERY and i suppose theyre trying to make it more impactful but if you want an impactful moment i personally always stick with making impactful moments feel kind of FAST. like we dont dwell on it too long we have to keep moving i dont want to prove that it is impactful by being like And with a caress like a flower petal on the wind, Kokichi placed his warm hand against Shuichi's cold skin, breaking the frost and turning ice to water, water to vapour WE DONT NEED ALL THAT so sometimes yes it does annoy me but its like . there are times for it. you know? and a lot of old books use flowery language because that is the time that is the style there is probably a purpose for it. dorian gray has a lot of flowery language in it and it serves a PURPOSE. dorian gray is just a giant gay horror book like there is NO heterosexual explanation for the things that are said in that book for the things that are done like. the flowery language plays a huge part in a lot of it because a lot of the time oscar wilde is using it to put emphasis on something in a scene or describing a POWERFUL emotion. there are places for it but i have read a lot of books (AND fics) where its just. unnecessary. use your tools properly forever

#fae's asks #and like i could talk all day about writing and my writing tips and what i do but like #this is already so long and that is not what you are asking about and to be so real i could just make my own post #and i could probably do like. a voice recording of me ranting. and i HAVE. i have

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maisondrew · 2 years

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11:02PM

I woke up. Unfortunately. I can’t find my phone, and i know i fucked myself over. the dark is never credible enough as it is that way every day from 4 oclock. the overwhelming silence however, is the real tell. Still in my work shirt and boxers, i start scanning my bed with my arm like a boat sonar device. Once located, i check the damage. i had told myself id go home from work, change, maybe eat, and have a night at chapters. roam the store and finally get my hands on eckhartt’s book. But it was as though I had gotten home, and went unconscious. I barely recall my day, or things leading up to this nap. I must have placed my head on my pillow and immediately entered REM. I kept dreaming about the stupid fucking bracelet, the club shoots, and being where i wanted to be. But lately its been getting harder and harder to be awake, or do anything at all. Once i got out of bed, i went up to see if anyone was awake. mom and dads room was on, but they were both knocked out. I removed moms glasses, arranged her pillow, and turned off the light.

“PSSSSST PSSSSST PSSSSSST”, the loudest, most conspicuous sounds coming out of tetas dark room. Seeing her arm signal me in the dark, I go give her a hug. “i love you so much, you have no idea, you stupid son of a bitch, you little shit” she says. “i love you too teta”. “go get my purse” she says, indicating she wants to give me money. “teta its almost midnight” her method of coping with dementia is constantly giving everyone money. “dont be annoying, get me my bag”. Blatantly ignoring the demand i say “goodnight teta” and close her door. Sitting on the living room couch, i sit contemplating to eat. Im not hungry, but i havent been eating anything, and at this point im just doing it to make sure i survive a bit. She comes out, bag in her hand “YOU ARE TAKING THIS MONEY”. The best way around these situations, is to comply, and sneak things back into her belonging without her noticing. My conscious is cleared, her money is in her possession, and shes happy thinking she gave me something. Thats what happens, she hands me the money, while she turns around, i leave it on her night stand, tell her thank you and leave. She comes back out. “what are you doing” she asks, “im going to eat i think”. “okay im coming” she says. Teta and I going down for a midnight snack together. I turn on the lights so she sees where to go and she freaks out, afraid mom is going to wake up. throwing hand signals, frustrated, i tell her its okay, who cares. her reaction and fear reminded me of mel and i being afraid of mom when getting snacks in the middle of the night. we used to go to bed hiding pita bread under the pillow so we can snack on it during the night and panic if we heard movement coming from their bedroom. Teta is so unfortunately bored. She just wants to spend time with me, even if it meant getting food at midnight. This came with the random, but somehow necessary casual shitting on me for not going to church, but it was nice to have her company. Not finding any left overs in the fridge, she suggests me to make eggs but im not feeling it. Not down to cook anything or make anything crazy, i decide to make cup noodles, and soft boiled eggs, adding fresh shallots and carrots to make it slightly gourmet. while prepping, she munches on a wafer bar, cookies, and baked pita bread and quietly says “i think im gonna go try to get some sleep now”

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realkilljoyhoursnow · 3 months

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🌎 OPERATION HOT CHIMP

Well I believe i have a solution....🤯🤯

July 26 is going to be a WORLD WIDE DANGER DAYS BLAST. We're going to post fics, hcs, art, cosplays, vids etc to show ppl that were back with a force. 💥🙌

Im setting some ground rules for this content and all DD content going forward. ive thought about them for a while and i think theyre fair. new rules for OPERATION HOT CHIMP are as follows,

🦍 No sayin you wanna fuck Tommy chow/lo mein, witch or that clown guy

🦍 Vayas not going to fuck you either so just let that one rest

🦍 OCs are fine but no more crossovers. i dont think sherlocks gonn show up in the zones to say "hmmmm i have a mystery for...............PARTY POISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

🦍 OC names can only have 2 words, noone cares how many dracks Toxic Orgy Bomb Shit Chromatic Biscuits Pie has killed

🦍 Dr. Death Defyings real name is not "Steve." Its charles

🦍 Power Pup is made from DOG FOOD not "grinded up exterminators"

🦍 No more sayin Kobra kid is 🇬🇧british. Tbh the royals probably died in the wars, and thats a huge part of the "Being british package"

Rn ppl outside the dd fandom make fun of us, sayin "haha its the wierd sewer of the mcrmy."

Thats bc they see the DD fandom as 💥💥💣🤮🙄🙄😑😐💣 But with OPERATION HOT CHIMP, i know we can turn it into 💿💃🍡🦍👈⛽🍆🤯🛴💰🗿

Call it CODENAME GORILLA when your around non-DD ppl (normies). We're going to blow their minds with the biggest blast the MCRmy has ever seen🤯🤯 July 26, write it down 📝

No this is not a joke....someone needs to straighten things up around here....might as well be me🤌

As Ricky Bobby said shake....and BAKE🤛

How I feel reading this ask. What the hell yall doing over there in the fandom

#ratman speaks #plus this ask did come across as very...passive agressive #like who are you mad at in the fandom baby its ok #i dont know who the real ricky bobby is but shake and bake indeed #and i didnt even know dr d had a first name... i just call him dr......

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pesterloglog · 8 months

Text

Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley

Meat, page 12

DAVE: so we gotta hit jane right in her neoliberal austerity measures were all agreed on that right

KARKAT: UH HUH.

JADE: yeah sure

DAVE: now shes gonna spin some shit about supply side economics but we cant let her control the narrative on that one cause the first thing thats gonna happen once she begins deregulating the baking industry is that some sweet dumb crocodile down in consort land is gonna start putting sparkle glue in the cupcake mix which isnt even the real issue thats just surface issues

KARKAT: RIGHT.

JADE: definitely

DAVE: i mean earth c has just been play acting capitalism the last five thousand years while we timeskipped ahead to live rad lives as gods without bothering with any of the boring shit that goes into making a civilization

DAVE: which is fine i mean you cant really expect a bunch of teens who didnt finish middle school to set up a sustainable form of social democracy that isnt just blatantly ripped off whatever we incorrectly thought obama god rest his soul was doing back in the day

KARKAT: SIGH

DAVE: but janes got this old school mentality you just know she wants to restrict grist alchemy for the sake of “growth” and when that goes down itll take three seconds flat for some nobody in new dersetown to drop the earth c communist manifesto

DAVE: at which point were in for a speedrun of either our 20th century or her 21st century

DAVE: were gonna glitch under the map straight from marx to clown dictatorship

DAVE: which also isnt the real issue

KARKAT: OH YEAH.

JADE: of course

DAVE: are you two even listening or are you just making noises with your mouths

KARKAT: HOW DARE YOU.

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BEING ACCUSED BY DAVE STRIDER, REIGNING EMPEROR OF SPEWING ENDLESS VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MY INNOCENT HEAR DUCTS EVERY DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE, OF MAKING THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOISES.

KARKAT: JADE, ARE YOU HEARING THIS?

JADE: im scandalized

JADE: especially when

JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths.....

KARKAT: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DAVE: anyway we all know the real issue is troll reproduction

DAVE: this election season is gonna be so jacked up with dogwhistles jade will never sleep again

JADE: woof!

DAVE: yo get ready for the top propaganda hits of the year

DAVE: alternia: brutal eugenics based space dictatorship

KARKAT: NOT UNTRUE.

DAVE: troll homeworld: lord of the flies nightmare scenario where kids murder each other just to get the chance to get to grow up and murder other aliens instead

KARKAT: IT WASN’T THAT BAD.

DAVE: actual names of professions on alternia: threshecutioner

DAVE: legislacerator

DAVE: minister of sucking the eyeballs out of your fucking skull then putting my two monstrous hr giger tier troll dicks up in there and just mashing the shit out of your brain with them

KARKAT: YOU MADE THAT LAST ONE UP.

KARKAT: ALSO, IT WAS DISGUSTING??

KARKAT: GROW THE FUCK UP, YOU UTTERLY CONTEMPTIBLE, POTTY MOUTHED *CUNT*.

JADE: also you know trolls dont actually have two dicks dave thats an offensive stereotype

DAVE: i know thats the point keep up guys

DAVE: ready for another one

DAVE: trolls: literally ate babies

KARKAT: ONLY THE DEFECTIVE ONES.

DAVE: like you my dude

KARKAT: ...YEAH.

DAVE: so thats why our campaign can work

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: btw im gonna be giving a long form exam at the end of this to make sure youre retaining info because this is only like the most important thing weve ever done collectively

JADE: siiiiiiiigh

DAVE: aside from creating the universe i mean

JADE: its not that it isnt important dave its that like

JADE: the method youre using to communicate it is kinda........

JADE: inefficient and BORING

DAVE: you mean

DAVE: words

JADE: i mean YOUR words specifically!!!

JADE: we already understand the issues at play you dont have to explain it to us over and over again like were twelve

JADE: right karkat???

KARKAT: ARE YOU ASKING ME WHETHER I’VE HEARD THIS EXACT SPEECH ALMOST WORD FOR WORD, INCLUDING REHEARSED VERSIONS OF BOTH THE COLORFUL METAPHORS AND “JOKES,” TEN OR TWENTY TIMES ALREADY?

KARKAT: BECAUSE THE ANSWER WOULD BE

KARKAT: YES, OF COURSE I FUCKING HAVE.

JADE: soooooo

JADE: do you want a projection of her first years hit on the economy down to the decimal with a 0.3% margin of error

JADE: because thats a thing i can do if itll make you stop talking about this stupid election for ten minutes

DAVE: damn hit me up girl calculator

JADE: i dont think youre wrong about janes plans

JADE: so now that thats all out of the way

JADE: its time to get real you two

DAVE: i

JADE: that wasnt an invitation for you to make a pun about having all the time in the world or whatever it was you were going to say

DAVE: oh

JADE: im about to lay out some cold hard evidence so pay attention!

KARKAT: OH, HANG ON, LET ME GET A PEN.

JADE: evidence about.....

JADE: our relationship!

KARKAT: FUCK

JADE: you let me live in your hive when im in town

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE...

JADE: im preeeetty intimately entwined in both your lives

KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS?

JADE: AND you dont disengage from about 86.234% of my flirtations

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP TRACK OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

JADE: so....... are we doing this or not?

KARKAT: DOING WHAT?!

JADE: dating dummy!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: OH.

KARKAT: THAT IS

KARKAT: THAT IS... A COMPLICATED TOPIC IN MY CULTURE THAT I’M NOT SURE HUMANS ARE EQUIPPED TO TALK ABOUT.

DAVE: also totally unrelated to the economy

DAVE: which not gonna lie is the only thing i want to talk about for uh

DAVE: for however long it takes for this other conversation to stop happening

JADE: so say no!!!

DAVE: well

KARKAT: UHHHHH

JADE: im not just forcing this conversation for my sake! its for you two as well

JADE: i mean after all this time have you two even kissed yet??????

DAVE: wha

KARKAT: WH-WHY WOULD

DAVE: uhh

KARKAT: WHY WOULD WE KISS??

DAVE: thats

KARKAT: THAT’S... YOU... I MEAN, HE’S... HE’S DAVE.

DAVE: we

KARKAT: AND I’M KARKAT.

JADE: yes hes dave and youre karkat and everyone we know always calls you that

JADE: “dave and karkat”

JADE: i cant remember the last time i heard anyone mention one of you without the other

JADE: the two of you have basically been together since your days on the meteor its SO obvious

KARKAT: TOGETHER, YES. AS FRIENDS.

DAVE: yea

KARKAT: VERY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER ON A DEEP AND EMPATHETIC LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HATE OR PITY. YOU COULD EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP...

KARKAT: ...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS.

JADE: yeaaaaaah not gonna lie karkat but that sounds totally kinda gay

KARKAT: UGH YOU HUMANS AND YOUR UNFATHOMABLE GENDER BASED QUADRANTS.

JADE: ow!

KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... DATING THAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST TIME WE CHECKED?

JADE: yeah for FUN

JADE: im twenty three dont you think thats a little old to still be dating for fun

DAVE: wait you saying we arent fun

JADE: whens the last time either of you left the house??????

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...

JADE: i think wed all work good together

JADE: and i think weve been dancing around that for years now

JADE: i wanna try dating for real

KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED

KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR MIND

KARKAT: DATING A SINGLE PERSON, FOR MORE THAN HALF A SWEEP, FOR REASONS OTHER THAN INITIATING THE CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS?

JADE: ok first of all dont slut shame me fuckass

JADE: second of all thats what im trying to do here

JADE: third of all karkat arent you from a culture where people are expected to engage in romantic relationships with up to like five people at a time??

KARKAT: THAT’S NOT

KARKAT: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL.

JADE: oh yeah??? explain the fundamental epistemological difference

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?!

DAVE: ok jade i think theres a flaw in your approach here cause you seem to think winning an argument on super clever logical grounds is gonna get a couple dudes to break down and fling themselves at you in like, a sexual way

JADE: wellll it usually does ;B

DAVE: oh my fucking god

JADE: dave......

DAVE: what

JADE: is this...........

JADE: about obama???

DAVE: what

DAVE: no i

JADE: dave are you in love with obama?

DAVE: jade jesus where do you get this shit from

JADE: is it about jesus then??????

DAVE: no!

DAVE: jesus wasnt even real

JADE: i know he wasnt real!

JADE: wait...

JADE: are you saying

JADE: obama was real?

DAVE: ...

DAVE: yes

DAVE: obama was real

DAVE: he was the president

KARKAT: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JADE: all this time i thought obama was like

JADE: an aspirational fictional character that you modeled your life after

KARKAT: AHAHAHAHA I CAN’T AHAHA BREATHE...

JADE: like snoop dog or nicolas cage

KARKAT: THIS IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE

DAVE: they were both real too

DAVE: i know that you grew up on an isolated island in the middle of nowhere and everything but didnt you have like

DAVE: access to the internet

JADE: wow well im sorry i wasted my whole childhood filling my head with pointless things like astrophysics and senary numeral systems that allow me to do complex equations in my head!!!!!!

DAVE: no dude thats kind of fucked up

DAVE: karkat stop laughing jades fucked up childhood isnt funny

KARKAT: HAHAHAHAHA YES IT FUCKING IS!

KARKAT: ALSO SCREW YOU FOR SAYING IT’S NOT FUNNY??

KARKAT: WHY IS IT LIKE SOME SORT OF *TRAGEDY* HOW SHE WAS RAISED?

KARKAT: BECAUSE SHE WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL??

KARKAT: *I* WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL!

KARKAT: FUCK OFF AND LET ME ENJOY THIS!

KARKAT: AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

KARKAT: NO!

JADE: ill put this in terms karkat will appreciate, check it out

KARKAT: JADE, I SWEAR TO...

KARKAT: YOU BETTER NOT BE DRAWING WHAT I THINK YOU’RE DRAWING!

KARKAT: STOP! CEASE! DESIST THIS MOMENT! DO NOT DRAW ONE MORE LINE!

JADE: oh nooo im drawing a line karkat better stop me before it goes aaaall the way from my mouth to yours!

JADE: see me and karkat have great black chemistry!

KARKAT: IT IS NOT BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID NON-CHITINOUS WINDBAG!

JADE: and now that daves all chill hed make a great auspistice

DAVE: no

JADE: because you and karkat are kind of like moirails

DAVE: no

JADE: and you and i

JADE: well yknow its always been pretty flirty

DAVE: jade

JADE: EXCEPT!

JADE: in this model..........

JADE: troll quadrants are dumb so we ALL kiss!

JADE: i call this political arrangement:

JADE: fully automated luxury polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!

JADE: oh come on that was a good one!

JADE: its politically relevant and everything

DAVE: jade im not gonna laugh at your made up ship name for this imaginary threesome thats not happening

JADE: well ive said what i wanted to say

JADE: its up to you two what you do with it

JADE: i have to go talk to roxy and callie about the election anyway

JADE: call me when you two figure it all out!

KARKAT: WOW WHAT A CRAZY AND TOTALLY IMPROBABLE CONVERSATION WE JUST HAD WITH OUR BEST FRIEND JADE.

DAVE: y...

DAVE: yeah

KARKAT: WHAT A GOOD THING FOR US THAT SHE’S TOTALLY DELUSIONAL AND HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT, HUH?

DAVE: for sure

KARKAT: ...........

DAVE: ..........

KARKAT: WANNA PLAY SOME TROLL TONY HAWK?

DAVE: hell

DAVE: yeah

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #dave strider #karkat vantas #jade harley #meat epilogue #page 12

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pndnj · 3 years

Text

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend.

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41- 1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec, get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone, it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor, cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all, I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker, i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun, seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some, get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice, i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon, this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

#zayn #yellowmetal #cathartic #feel free to correct me pls #cathartic lyrics

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officialgritty · 4 years

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How I Would Humble NHL Players

An essay written by bigboigritty.

I would humble hockey players the only way I know how to, by sending them to Australia. Let’s suppose that they have decided to hold the All Star game over here (forget about it’s usual date) (forget that some players I have listed below might not be invited) (and while you're at it, please forget that Australia’s rinks are Not Good).

I think that they would suffer but in an entertaining way so it’s fine.

First of all, their biggest concern is getting sunburnt. It would effect all of their dumb asses but I’m particularly worried about Pierre-Luc Dubois and Mitch Marner. Boys are practically translucent. Vince Dunn would be fine, he’d probably wear a shirt most of the time which is a very smart decision.

You may wonder why I didn’t mention Nolan Patrick because I am a certified slut for him, well I don't think he would have a problem. He would spend most of the time inside and when he joins the others, I think his Virgo ass would reapply sunscreen. Maybe he would burn slightly but I don't think it'd be enough to make him uncomfortable.

Another thing that I think they will gain from this experience is a higher pain tolerance. Now you’re probably thinking, “Zoe they are NHL players so they can handle pain.” Wrong.

Real pain is running barefoot on cement at theme parks while you race to get to the next ride. Also getting into the car and having to avoid touching every piece of metal to not get branded like a cow. Or better yet, when the heat gets so bad that there’s a black out because everyone has their air conditioning turned on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that other countries have scary animals but I would pay to see them panic over ours. Crocodiles here can grow up to 5.2 metres / 17 feet. We have a box jellyfish season where it’s advised to avoid swimming or wear wetsuits for coverage. Funnel web spiders can survive underwater for hours by trapping air bubbles around their skin. We have several of the worlds deadliest snakes present across the country.

Listen, I don't want anyone to get injured but the constant fear that they would have when doing anything would be enough to make me happy.

My biggest question is who would survive in the shady areas, who would survive the eshays?

Under no circumstances can you look them in the eyes or cross their path. They are not to be feared individually but in groups caution is advised. I think the players would attempt to assert dominance and that is simply not an option. You are better off to ignore the eshay.

Nolan would have no issues here if im being honest. He is big and I don't think they’d find it worth it to fuck with him. But you know who they would target? Matthew Tkachuk. “Where are you going pretty boy?” “Oi braa did we hurt your feelings ya pussy cunt?” They would make fun of his hair in particular.

Travis Konecny would be an eshay. I don't think I need to make further comment. (So would Louis Tomlinson but I am not a 1D account and I will continue to repeat that until it’s true.)

I would also give them a few iconic tasks to get the true Australian experience. Activities for the ‘vacation’ include triathlon events, beach flags, bush walking and climbing the harbour bridge. They could attend a cricket match but they tend to like golf so unfortunately they would probably enjoy this :(

AFL is an extremely popular sport here and I think they would loose their shit when they learn the rules of this game. No protective equipment is used other than mouthguards, that's it. That’s all you get. And jumping onto other players for leverage is encouraged. I would thoroughly enjoy the fights that would break out because of this.

Another task would be to use a map to make their way to a servo for a slurpee. The catch is that they will be required to pass through multiple alleyways. Also, the season is Spring, it’s swooping season mother fuckers. Let’s see how brave you are when birds chase you down the block. Personally I don’t think any of them would pass this test, maybe McDavid because the birds may not be able to detect a heartbeat.

Australian food would disgust them, I just know it. Things that they would need to try are a Bunnings sausage sanga, fairy bread, lamingtons, baked beans on toast, Milo and Vegemite. Because I’m me I would give them no butter with their Vegemite.

An after thought I had was money so I’m editing this to include it. Everything here is EXPENSIVE so they would need to learn how to budget. Upon doing research, Canadians would be fine but the Americans will be mad.

1000 CAD = 1019 AUD

1000 USD = 1297 AUD

Another after thought was the fact that they won’t be able to drive (or at least drive well) here. We drive on the left and not the right, same goes for walking paths too. I can sense a lot of them bumping into people.

Where I think players would live based on vibes alone:

Carter Hart and Vince Dunn: North Shore Beaches, NSW. Daddy’s money. Carter probably did Nippers whereas Vince was a skater boy.

Travis Konecny: Darwin, NT. Would 100% live there and enjoy it. He would try to conduct crocodile tours but gets assigned to feeding the baby crocs and doing shows for little kids.

Tyson Barrie: Perisher, NSW. One of the only ski resorts we have to offer, major friendly mountain man energy.

Nolan Patrick: Byron Bay, NSW. @antoineroussel enlightened me, steering away from my original thought of Katoomba, NSW. Byron Bay is a magnet for hippies and links rainforest to the ocean. Chris Hemsworth and his family also live there.

William Nylander: Perth, WA. I don’t know much about Perth other than they wouldn’t shut up about partying while the other states had to quarantine. For some reason, I also associate Perth with Tik Tok.

Sidney Crosby and Connor McDavid: Melbourne CBD, VIC. These two would live in the same apartment building in the city, Connor one level above Sidney. It’s the most boring looking block of them all and Crosby would send in complaints to the landlord about McDavid pacing during the night.

Tyler Seguin: Surfers Paradise, QLD. Party central, not many people are actually from this area and he would be sure to tell absolutely everyone that he was. I also think he would get a Meter Maid tattoo, specifically on his leg. Has definitely slept on the beach before because he couldn’t find his way home.

Jamie Benn: Hobart, TAS. Tasmania is usually forgotten about. Another one with mountain man energy except he is more creepy than friendly.

Mitch Marner: Fitzroy, VIC. @antoineroussel is responsible for this one too. Hipster central, makes you question how the hell someone so young can have so much money. Would chug $45 wine and not blink an eye.

(honourable mentions include = Sammy Blais: Hobart, Tas. Once again no comment on Tasmania. TJ Oshie: Cairns, QLD. Would do reef tours. Haydn Fleury: Western Sydney, NSW. Haydn would 100% own a ute or a white holden commodore and you can’t tell me otherwise. Roman Josi: Adelaide, SA. Small town history teacher vibes.)

I have attached a handy map for those who may need it.

In conclusion, the NHL should send their players over here to teach them some manners and while they’re at it, management should bring themselves too. Nolan Patrick could pass as an Australian if he built up a tan. (So does Nylander in this picture but we won’t talk about that.) Come over anytime baby, I’m free.

Glossary

Servo - A service station, also known as a petrol or gas station. Example: 7/11

Theme park - An amusement park. Can be said in reference to both normal parks and water parks and usually means those in QLD. Example: Six Flags

Swooping season - August to October in Australia. When birds attack and chase humans and / or pets for getting close to their babies. Magpies are notoriously bad for this.

Bunnings sausage sanga - A cheap feed / meal found at the front of a hardware and gardening store called Bunnings. Made up of white bread, sausage, onion and your choice of sauce.

Fairy bread - White bread with margarine and topped with 100s and 1000s / sprinkles.

Meter Maids - Women who work along the beach dressed in gold bikinis. They top up parking meters to save tourists from getting fined and will often stop for photos.

Nippers - Surf lifesaving programs carried out for children between 5 and 14.

Ute - A pick up truck.

Eshay - A person who partakes in drug use, graffiti, listens to EDM and targets victims in groups. Below is the typical style of an eshay.

Tagging a few friends so this doesn’t completely flop but feel free to ignore if it isn't your thing. I won’t be offended lmao

@scheifefe @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @d00dlebob @bowenbyram @kempe @prettyboyroope @quintonsbyfield @travisgermy @pitoftrash @kspitehockey @ballsakic @canadianheaters @bricksatlandyswindow @powerblais @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @jamiedrysdales

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irkenheretic · 3 years

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What's uhhh *shuffles papers* the worst/most annoying fanfic trope?

this is literally from november but im going to answer it now because i finally thought of the worst fanfic trope all across the board. are you ready..... here it comes...

the worst fanfic trope is... drumroll please....

"and they all get therapy."

holy FUCK this is such a shit ass trope. the therapist is usually the most bland as shit whitebread character to ever exist because theyre a therapist and they kind of have to be calm about everything and exclusively reactive and in fiction that makes for a boring ass character and nobody has ever thought "hey what if we made this character like.... a character"

AND BEFORE I GO ON LET ME TALK ABOUT TWO EXCEPTIONS:

you and catalyst. That's Fucking It. because honesty hour is a deconstruction of the "character gets therapy" trope and is actually realistic in terms of what zim going to therapy would be like (or so ive heard, i cannot read it because unreality/gaslighting-y stuff is a major major trigger for me, sorry bout that ^^; my friends rly like it tho) and the catalyst au is a character study first and foremost where red and zama are both allowed to be actual characters and the process of therapy is the main point- especially red's journey thru therapy and the very specific intersection of "yes i want help yes i am perfect we exist." the journey thru therapy portrays an actual change in the characters.... so why do i hate it anywhere else?

because USUALLY when characters go to therapy, it's not to savor the journey of change. it's to Fix them.

this fandom has a plague in it and the plague is this fandoms media literacy is piss poor

(immediately i get a reply saying theyre going to doxx me for accusing them of pissing on the poor)

the invader zim characters cant just be themselves. in order for them to be worthy of sympathy from the audience, they have to change.... and by change, the fandom of course means change into the perfect pitiable cookie-cutter version of mental illness.

so they go to therapy, which here is less of a process and more of an easy bake oven response to characterization- bad person goes in, good person comes out. and now you can sympathize.

a therapist is also inserted so the creator can go "see? see?? the character DOES want to change! theyre in therapy! which is what the Good People do!! so theyre good and we can like them :)" because as i said the fucking plague of media illiteracy is so prevalent that a morally dubious character like say, zim or tallest red, cant just change in an organic narrative way that actually has to do with the plot of whatever it is theyre in. they HAVE to get stuck in the Therapy Box so we can ~see that theyre Good People since theyre Working On It~ and they get shat out as nice good people that we can feel morally justified in rooting for. and i see this a lot in other fandoms too. if youve ever written anything starring bakugo for the BNHA fandom, you know the pressure to soften his character and portray him as a Good Pure Boi is REAL, because otherwise youll be accused of justifying his ~irredeemable nature~ (read: he was a middle school bully.) you as the author either have to plunk him in some off screen nebulous Therapy Program that fixes helps him, or you have to make the narrative constantly punish him for daaring to be a less than stellar person at the age of Fourteen, wether it be by misfortune upon misfortune befalling him, or by you writing bakugo to be self-flagellating to the point where it disrupts the narrative. and this same thing is expected here, with pretty much every single fucking character. and at some point, them beating themselves up for their entire in-show character or the narrative putting them through a trauma conga line of catholic atonement gets real fuckin old.

so they go to therapy.

#shoutout to you and the catalyst au for not being total wastes of server space unlike everything else w this god forsaken trope #its cuz you cozy and audrey have like actual braincells and basic understanding of character #and beyond that are just genuinely really talented people #dont think im calling yalls stuff 'baseline competent'#cuz its much more than that. its genuinley good #but holy shit... everything else w this trope.....#and before anyone comments #'but have u seen [popular creator]'s work they totally do it well-'#yes i have and no they dont #now calling the tallest

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tomdiddlyumptious · 4 years

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A.R| I Swear

summary: you and arvin are outsiders, no joke

warning: SPOILERS, language, and violence THIS DOESNT GO EXACTLY LIKE THE MOVIE

A/n; the movie was good.. 10/10 recommended

“Arvin i hope you arent hurting yourself anymore, i-i cant afford it" you say, cleaning up the scratches on his cheek as he sniffles.

"its the damn preacher, im telling you Y/N. Put some faith in me will ya?" He says harshly, looking at you while you continue to clean him up.

"you cant think like that, hes fishy yeah- but he couldnt be the reason why- lenora-" "dont finish that sentence"

"well what the hell do you want me to say! Im doing this for you and you cant even talk to me! Im fuckin here for you all the damn time-" he cuts you off by pressing his lips to yours, trying to save you before you say something wrong. You werent quite the swear, and when you argued everything got out of hand, you said to much. You and arvin have been in a off and on relationship only because you were always nosy and wanted to know whats going on.

"Look, i love you and all but if you love me youd let me do this, youd even come with me-" "fine, but if i die i swear ill be haunting you until you die of a panic attack" he chuckled at your words, standing up from lenoras grave and blowing it a kiss before putting the bible down Right next to the stone.

after situating what you both are gonna do you watched his every. Single. Move. For the past week, both you and arvin disgusted by what hes doing, and blood boiling by if he did that to his sister.

you went around the church, your boots in the mud as you peeked in the window, the old preacher with the five year old accent.

"you filthy dirty son of bitch" you whispered to yourself, you seen arvin walk in, nervous about what he should do until he sat down, smiling at his current faze but going back into reality.

"She went down on me- with her mouth and i just let loose (arent his exact words but stick with me here)" you sighed as you sat bored closing your eyes until a bang occurs, you open your eyes wide as you open the window, climbing in you find arvin on the floor looking for the shells.

"You got em?" You ask as you look around at the floor with him. "Shit my boots!" You look back at the trail, taking off your boots and throwing them wherever outside. After arvin collects the bullets you both run.

"did he do it?" You ask him innocently. He looked at you as his eyes started to water slowly.

"he called my sister fucking delusional, fu-fucking delusional" his voice breaks as he falls in your arms on the side walk, you hold on him tightly as he does the same, almost ripping your dress from how tight as he sobs in your chest.

"i cant say i feel you pain arve, but what i can say is that im here for you. At all times- look-look at me hmm" you lift his chin to look at you.

"i will be there" his nose red and so are his cheeks, his eyebrows furrowed as his lower lip is tucked in his teeth fighting a sob, he nods as you kiss his forehead, rubbing his back as you start to tear up yourself.

you and arvin have taught lenora things, delt with things together, when lenora was first on her period you help her out, taught her how to wash out accidents, taught her how to bake a cake and some fine chili on saturdays, youd never bring anything on sundays, you never really thought of god that much, because if he was real then why did arvins dad kill himself? Why did his mother die from cancer? Why is lenora gone....

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfic #arvin russell #marvel #mcu #peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker fanfic #peter parker fic #arvin russel x reader #tdatt #tom holland imagine #tdatt spoilers #jb writes

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heartachebf · 3 years

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16, 17 (Tweek), and 25 -Batz 🖤💜

fandom asks

16. favorite behind-the-scenes insight ive actually got 2 answers for this !! first off, i love the fact that kenny is based off a Real Life kid trey knew growing up, who was Also named kenny n wore an orange coat that nobody could hear him over And was the poorest kid in town. and i rly love that kyle is blatantly based off matt stone ^_^ i have a big gay crush on matt so obvi that makes kyle one of my favs

17. 3 things you love about [insert character]

1. the fact that he can play piano And sing And act ^_^ i love that artsy little dweeb so much 2. the fact that his tics slowly got better over the years... sobbing n wailing.... AND the fact that he barely tics when hes around craig.... love wins 3. i love that he can kick ass should he choose to ^_^ he could maim someone so easily and i think he deserves to bonus number 4 bc i love him so much. i love that he can bake ^_^ i like to think that he stress bakes and will try out new recipes n then he'll take what he baked to school to let his friends try ^_^ hes god tier actually

25. favorite episode of [insert season] u didnt specify which season, so ill give my favs of each season (below the cut bc this post is getting long) (id also probs do this even if u Did specify which season bc. peace and love)

s1: i cant pick between episode 7, black friday (bc i Love the feel of all the early halloween episodes) or episode 10, damien (bc damien supremacy ^_^ im forever obsessed w the fact that he, the son of satan, has a super high pitched voice)

s2: EPISODE 17, GNOMES !!!!! i think that was tweeks first introduction and as such, its my fav ^_^ i rly love his voice in that ep <3

s3: episode 5, tweek vs craig, bc duh ^_^ the beginning of an era <3 plus its proof that tweek is tough n doesnt need protecting

s4: either episode 6, cherokee hair tampons (bc i love how fiercely stan tries to help kyle + its revealed that kyle has diabetes ^_^ i will forever cry over the fact that stan didnt hesitate to offer his kidney to save kyles life) or episode 8, something you can do with your finger (bc i love their silly little boy band + i love wendy joining their boy band + kyle wanting to be the tough one of the band + randy backstory/him being a lil insane but in a funny way)

s5: episode 3, super best friends ^_^ the origin of stan n kyle being super best friends ^_^ i also kinda love episode 10, how to eat with your butt, bc kenny is very endearing in it And we finally get to see what kyles hair looks like <3

s6: either episode 9, free hat, or episode 11, child abduction is not funny bc theres so much excellent tweek content ^_^ i also like ep11 bc of how dumb the parents are in that one, thats always amusing

s7: either episode 8, south park is gay (the fact that everyone was acting a lil fruity ^_^ gay rights ^_^ and also kyle rejecting dressing fruity and getting made fun of for that. so funny considering the fact that he Is gay, i prommy, kyle told me himself) or episode 14, raisins (bc butters was very sweet that episode + goth stan was introduced ^_^)

s8: omg this ones so hard to pick. i love episode 4, you got f'd in the a, bc stan having to get in a dance battle??? comedy gold. i love episode 6, the jeffersons, bc we stan n kyle being dads to blanket, gay ptide. and then i also love episode 11, quest for ratings, bc i love the guys having their own news team And i love that craig had a show dedicated to just showing cute animals. dork craig rights

s9: episode 10, follow that egg ... more silly little stan n kyle content ... stan gets rly fruity here and im obsessed w it. that whole episode gives me silly little au ideas ^_^

s10: episode 14, stanleys cup. froths at the mouth. that one anon of mine, hockey fic anon? theyre writing a silly little fic based off an au of That episode ^_^ that ep is so quality

s11: goes insane. episode 8, le petit tourette bc i loved seeing cartman in anguish + dork craig content. episodes 10, 11, and 12 aka the imaginationland trilogy bc. god. just so good. i cant even explain it. episode 13, guitar queer-o bc it gives me Another great au idea + stan n kyle are fruity in it. and finally, episode 14, the list, bc there was lots of good wendy content And kyle got a little unhinged ^_^ as he deserves <3

s12: this is another one where its so hard to pick... episode 1, tonsil trouble, bc kyle got to go in attack mode again. episode 3, major boobage, bc we got silly little kenny content ^_^ episode 9, breast cancer show ever, bc thats when wendy beat the shit out of cartman <3 episodes 10 and 11, pandemic and pandemic 2, bc. craig content ^_^ and also ive already talked on my blog abt how its the best 2 parter ever. and episode 13, elementary school musical, bc stans gang was particularly goofy n their musical number was so fun ^_^

s13: episode 8, dead celebrities, bc kyle and ike content!!! i love them so much!!! and also episode 11, whale whores, bc stan Attacked And Killed all for the love of animals, n i love him for it

s14: episodes 11, 12, and 13, tha superhero episodes ^_^ i loved getting to see everyones superhero costumes in action And we got to learn more abt kennys immortality, which was so exciting !!

s15: episodes 7 and 8, youre getting old and ass burgers. starts sniffling and crying and collapses on the floor while sobbing. thats all i have to say about that, peace and love

s16: episode 5, butterballs (bc stan is so! hes just so !!! yknow. the anti bullying song in it is So good, And i live for butters standing up for himself ^_^ also the song at the end is god tier), episode 6, i never shouldve gone ziplining (its so fuckn funny, and i live for the live action bit at the end), and episode 11, going native (bc of that sweet, sweet butters n kenny content ^_^ i also live for butters Attacking in it)

s17: episode 4, goth kids 3: dawn of the posers. probably my fav goth kids centric episode ^_^ its so good n funny

s18: episode 3, the cissy. starts sniffling and crying again, but this time in transgender mode. i also love episode 6, freemium isnt free bc we get another Glimpse into stans issues w addiction ^_^ peace and love on planet earth

s19: episode 6, tweek x craig. love wins, gay ptide, etc etc

s20: um. i actually kinda hated this season. but ig if i Had to choose one, itd be episode 10, the end of serialization as we know it, bc it finally ended that season ^_^ no offense to any s20 stans out there, i just thought it was so boring

s21: episode 2, put it down. tweek n craig content, gay ptide ^_^ this is also the one where we learned that tweek can sing, play piano, And bake, and we also got to see craig learn how to support tweek better, which was very sweet ^_^

s22: episode 10, bike parade. i didnt super love this season either, so its kinda a case of picking the one i wasnt bored with. plus in a way it kinda felt like one of the original episodes, it was like a lil blast from the past !

s23: episode 2, band in china ^_^ we got stans band, crimson dawn !! it was great learning more abt how stan felt abt having to move to a farm, plus butters ripping it on a guitar was so funny. and then randy did stuff too idk

s24: this season has just been the 2 specials so far, but i liked the vaccination special, episode 2 the best ^_^ bc 1, the brovorce arc started, n im rly excited to see what happens with that. and also the way it ended left me hopeful that maybe the shows gonna go back to the way it used to be a little bit <3 i also liked how we saw stan gettin really mentally ill with freaking out over the pandemic, but that mightve been in the first episode instead...

#collapses into a heap. it took me forever to write this #but thats ok bc ur worth it dude ^_^#honestly i dont super remember s20 and onward so. my favs might change when i get to rewatching those #but oh well ^_^ peace and love #craig.txt #asks #south park tag #baz/ezra/magnus tag

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emsvegetables · 4 years

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Hello!! first, I wanted to tell you that your med student hcs were literally SO good they really hit home for me. I I was also wondering if I could ask for hcs of Kuroo, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki who are stuck at home with their s/o? Like, who goes insane first? How do they pass time? Also, if they're in college, how many times do they also go to class online? Thank you so much!!!

omg anon this request WAS SO FUN TO WRITE thank you for requesting this :-)!!!!!

Kuroo:

* STUCK IN QUARANTINE WITH THIS MAN???

* That’s my dream lmaoooo

* N E WAYS

* He’s so EXCITED he gets to be in quarantine with you!!!!

* Like, even though the both of you share the apartment and are dating, it’s very hard to actually spend time with you, with the both of you being in different courses in college after all.

* So spending time with you??? He’s so happy.

* Before the quarantine really goes into effect, he’s insisting that the both of you have to go get some groceries.

* BC HE KNOWS THAT YOUR LAZY ASS WONT LEAVE THE HOUSE ONCE THE QUARANTINE STARTS LMAOOOO

* He’s always making breakfast for you in the morning!!!! LIKE???? This man is husband material 10/10.

* If you aren’t awake by the time he’s plated the food, he runs into the room and carries you out.

* There was once he dropped you on the floor but we don’t talk about that.

* When you guys have lessons on???? The both of you are in separate rooms bc you’re too distracting to him.

* But you bet that if you have a call going on and he doesn’t, he’s creeping beside you and saying some weird ass stuff to distract YOU.

* There was one time this asshole came into the room saying,” are you made of Fluorine, Iodine and Neon? Cause you’re F-I-Ne!” while your mike was on.

* BRUH your whole class literally started laughing at you.

* Even the professor GIGGLED.

* At this point Kuroo’s face is the shocked pikachu one.

* BC HE DIDNT KNOW YOUR MIKE WAS ON ORIRIIFIDIFJFJDIOW

* And ofc you get back at him during one of his lessons later on during that day.

* He’s focusing on the teacher and writing down notes onto his notebook when you hear the teacher ask him a question.

* You’re like: ITS GO TIME BABY.

* When Kuroo unmutes himself to answer the question, you’re pressing a quick kiss onto his neck and biting down on it.

* “The answer to the question is—ah shit baby it’s going to be like that?”

* RIRKFKFK THE WHOLE CLASS GOES SILENT THEN.

* Then Kuroo realises what just came out of his mouth and YOU bet this is the first time you’ve seen him so embarrassed.

* HAHAHAHAHA

* His teacher just keeps quiet for a moment; before asking another student the same question and completely ignoring Kuroo for the rest of the call.

* REIOFDO YOU BET HE’S GOING TO TICKLE YOU UNTIL YOU CRY FOR THAT and maybe do something else that’ll make you REALLY CRY.

* Tbh the both of you love each other so much, and there’s never a boring moment with Kuroo in quarantine.

* He keeps you on your toes, and you keep him on his, so you’re actually not bored or tired of him in quarantine!!!!

* But when he sees that you’re getting a little fidgety and tense, he’s immediately suggesting something that the both of you don’t do usually.

* Like BAKING???? He’s happily making cinnamon rolls with you and dancing with you in the kitchen to some weird song.

* Or he’s playing WII with you, and the both of you make so much noise the neighbours come over and ask you politely if you could...”make love a little quieter” DOROFOFIFIFIEIEI

* So none of you go insane because this man just KNOWS how to handle you!!!

Matsukawa:

* AHHH THIS IS PT 2 OF MY DREAM

* ANYWAYS

* This guy??? He’s such a sweet man.

* When he realises quarantine is going to go into effect, he’s dragging you out to buy some essentials for your lockdown.

* He’s making sure to buy at least some healthy snacks and vegetables to make sure you stay healthy during this time period!!!!!

* OKAY LETS BE REAL this guy is the one that takes care of the other in the relationship.

* He’s making sure you go to sleep at the time you should be in bed, and hauls your ass to bed if you refuse to do so.

* But his cuddles are very soothing so you fall asleep VERY quickly.

* But if you really can’t sleep??? He’s staying up to talk to you about anything that comes into your mind.

* He’s also making sure you eat!!!! He’ll make lunch for you if he sees that you overslept and missed breakfast.

* If you want to bake, he’s trying his best to help you, but this man can only give you the ingredients bc for some reason he SUCKS at baking.

* He tries baking cupcakes for you in the middle of your lessons one day and the cupcakes were all droopy and uncooked. SO LESSON LEARNT.

* SPEAKING OF LESSONS:

* Tbh he knows not to distract you in the middle of lessons, so he’s either in another room during your lessons or he’s quietly resting his head on your thighs.

* BUT.

* You’re totally different.

* You make it a point to disrupt his lessons all the time, always asking for cuddles in the middle of his lessons and asking for kisses as well!!!

* He just sighs at you when you come crawling towards him while he’s writing down notes, and just opens his arms to allow you to crawl into his lap.

* THERE WAS ONCE where you were cuddling him and the teacher asked him to answer a question, so he turned on his mike and camera, and then he hears a loud gasp.

* “Matsukawa! What are you doing?”

* YOU WERE SITTING ON HIS LAP AND FACING THE BACK WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE YOU WERE DOING

* “IM SORRY MISS!”

* DIORIRRIRKRK when he hears you laugh, you bet he’s going to punish you later 👀😎

* But as much as the both of you love to spend time with each other...do you know who goes insane first??

* YOU.

* You need to go outside!!!!!

* Mattsun notices how you’re getting all tense, and he’s trying his best to take your mind out of it.

* He’s asking you to exercise with him, and it often leads to OTHER THINGS HAHAHA

* And he plays some random two player online games with you!!!!!!

* “(Y/N) NO FAIR YOU HIT ME!”

* In other words, being stuck with Mattsun in quarantine is a fun thing!!!

* You go insane but he’s there to perk you up!!!!!

Hanamaki:

* PART THREE OF MY DREAM!!!!

* This man :””)

* Tbh you’re 90% of his impulse control, so when the both of you split up to buy the essentials you need during quarantine, this boy comes back with potato chips and all the unhealthy snacks.

* But you can never say no to him so you buy those in the end :(

* This guy is amazing to be with, but it’s pretty obvious YOU’RE going to be the one taking care of him during quarantine.

* You’ll have to tell him it’s 12am and it’s time to sleep and to stop watching Rosemarie being disgusted with Ed.

* You’ll have to tell him, no, eating potato chips does NOT count as lunch.

* But sometimes he’s so damn convincing he’s pulling you into his lap to continue watching 90 day fiancé, and he’s feeding you the chips with a kiss to your lips.

* He’s trying out all those weird quarantine things that he saw on youtube with you LOLOLOL

* He got so bored that at one point he got into tiktok and made a video that went viral.

* But then he logged out bc he was BORED of Tiktok so...

* N E WAYS

* He goes to sleep late every night, but he somehow wakes up entirely refreshed for his lessons the next morning?????

* And you don’t disrupt him during his lessons, usually just reading quietly beside him or watching the television in the living room.

* But this little shit loves to bother you in the middle of lessons.

* BRUH HE SCARED YOU while you were trying to answer the question the teacher asked.

* You screamed into the mike and the teacher jumped.

* “(Y/N)! I asked you to answer a question, not murder my ears!”

* “Sorry miss!!!!!!”

* And when you hear Makki laugh after you mute yourself again, you instantly formulate a plan to murder him.

* But then, you thought, LETS MESS WITH THIS SHIT.

* So the next time he has lessons, you’re quietly reading beside him, and you casually place a hand on his thigh, which slowly moves up as the lesson goes on.

* He doesn’t notice at first, but when your hands brush dangerously close to where mini Makki is, he’s groaning.

* When the teacher calls Makki to answer a question, you grin.

* ITS YOUR TURN SUCKA

* You’re softly pressing against it when he unmutes himself, and he lets out a low, guttural groan, which the entire class hears.

* “Hanamaki, are you alright?”

* “Yes, Miss—“

* He GROANS again when you press a little harder.

* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT.

* Iwaizumi’s in this zoom call, and you know he KNOWS what’s going on, based on the disgusted look on his face.

* Hanamaki somehow manages to answer the question, and when he mutes himself, he’s shooting you a smile and telling you that you’re in trouble.

* YOU REALLY WERE RIFIFIFKRK

* In the end, you’re the one going insane.

* BC YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH MAKKI’s shit every day.

* Not that you don’t love him, but caring for this man who doesn’t know what a healthy sleeping schedule is making you MAD.

* But he’s a GOD in the kitchen, and he’s making you these exquisite meals with the little groceries you have that you ALWAYS forget about how you’re slowly spiraling into insanity whenever you take a bite into the food.

* HES THAT GOOD.

* He makes you forget about all your troubles with a nice massage on the couch while the both of you watch 90 day fiancé together! :)!!!

hope you like, anon!!!!! :-)

#kuroo x reader #hanamaki x reader #matsukawa x reader #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #kuroo tetsuro x reader #hanamaki takahiro x reader #matsukawa issei x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines

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