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#this is my first time be gentle
lilystargazerwhite · 10 months
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Coco has become real
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inkskinned · 7 months
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before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.
you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"
and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.
it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.
you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.
in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.
the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.
you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.
after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.
the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.
you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.
#warm up#writeblr#this is also about being ace btw#my identity has slowly shifted over time and maybe if everyone is REAL cool i'll talk bout it#bc it's complicated and nuanced. but this is like#trying to warn u that if you find it “relationship upkeep” to have sex with ur partner#and don't actually enjoy it or seek it for urself. u might just not be attracted to them.#which is fine ! ace ppl can be perfectly happy in any relationship they feel good in!#but also i wasn't as straight as i had expected!#> the first time i saw dick i was like. huh. oh okay that's fine i guess#> the first time i saw pussy i was like. WAIT ACTUALLY HANG ON I GET IT#i just assumed sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be ya know#but also like. btw? this IS NOT saying ''u might be gay not ace''#bc tbh i'm grey ace/demisexual#it's saying u might not be into ur partner. explore urself & ur feelings. turn inward.#TAKE THIS IN THE MANNER IT WAS MEANT> GENTLE AND KIND#AND NOT IN A WEIRD INTERNET WAY PLEASE#bc the truth is that there ARE ppl who are gay who assume that they just ''don't like'' sex#and ace ppl who might need a different partner w/different needs#and i would have REALLY needed to hear ''check in w/urself about if u actually like sex''#WAY EARILIER in my life. but nobody said anything bc they assume if ur having sex. u like it.#not just the actual act of sex. not once ur turned on. do you ACTUALLY like it. or is it a burden?#even if ur gay. check w/urself. maybe ur more ace than u realized. in which case. ADDITIONAL FLAG BB#i love collecting my flags. i'm at like 354 at this point#but also btw this is about how toxic relationships are SO normalized that u can be in one#and have everyone around u being like ''THATS JUST MEN LOL''
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yawnderu · 4 months
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CW: mentions of kidnapping and stolen body autonomy.
Find a way in, kill the enemy, retrieve the hostages, leave. A routine of sorts that gave his life some sense of purpose to avoid going insane for the past two decades. Simon liked to believe he got over what happened in his past... truly, he did; and yet Manuel Roba’s horrors seem to haunt him no matter where how many years pass.
“C’mere.” Simon’s voice held no hostility, he made sure of it, yet your stiff position never changed. Legs angled to the right, hands folded on your lap, and eyes looking forward, refusing to meet anyone’s gaze even if it’s been hours since your rescue. Garrick, Price and Johnny have already tried to get you to talk multiple times, all of them with different approaches. 
Garrick was friendly, trying his best to seem approachable, a bright smile on his lips that you didn’t seem to notice, too busy staring at a wall no matter how much he tried to hold a conversation.
Price seemed fatherly, never once laying a hand on you even if it was itching to comfort you, and so he settled with telling you you’re safe now, how no one will ever get you again now that they're here. His words didn’t seem to do much, either. 
Johnny was… something else. His first attempt was a shitty pick up line, getting a reaction out of you for the first time— a nose scrunched up in disgust, but a reaction nonetheless.  
And Simon… Simon’s approach was different. The man was used to barking out orders and obeying them himself, not to deal with an unresponsive hostage. His behemoth frame was nestled next to you, putting a tray on the table and observing your reactions. From the way you swallowed thickly the moment the meal was presented to you, to the sound of your stomach growling. 
“Go on, then.” Your gaze follows his movements for the first time, the feeling of your stomach rumbling makes you more aware of your hunger, so many years being fed nothing but what was necessary to keep you alive by Manuel and his associates, so many years of being trained like a dog to obey to their very order. 
Simon can see the hesitation in your body language, too tense to allow yourself to dig in the way you wanted, yet no longer as stiff as before. There was a sense of relief at the fact that they didn’t seem to want to hurt you —unlike Roba—, yet years of non-stop brutal training can’t be erased within hours.
Roba’s training was engraved into your brain, and while the sense of security the SAS blokes gave you is something you’re thankful for, nothing guarantees they’re not working for him. You’ve seen other military men come and go throughout the years, always Roba’s friends, and always sharing the same disgusting, sadistic desires.
“Eat up.” The rest of the men watch the way you move, curiosity and amusement mixing at how strange your movements seem, almost robotic. Your forearms rest on the table, elbows away from the cheap wood as you attempt to hold your own cutlery— attempt, because it looks fully foreign to you, trying out different angles to make it work, and yet it's the first time in years you've been allowed to try and feed yourself.
Simon is the first one to catch on, having lived under Roba’s rules for long enough to know he enjoys taking people’s autonomy, to reduce them to nothing but a pathetic mess that depends on him. His gloved fingers are gentle as he takes the spoon from your hand, scooping up some food before holding it up to your lips. His full attention is on you, relief starting to make its way into his body as sees your rather soft lips wrap around the spoon, eating whatever he was feeding you. Lucky for you, this time it wasn’t an MRE… or beans on toast.
His gloved thumb wipes the corners of your lips every time you’re done chewing, and he’s quick to pick up more food from the plate, nothing but patience and kindness shown in his actions, so unlike the brooding soldier he's known to be.
“... two goldfish are in a tank…?” Johnny’s loud groan gets your attention for a second, yet you quickly glance back at Simon, curious eyes looking up at him, almost as if asking him to go on. 
“One turns to the other and says… ‘you know how to drive this thing?’” You can see the corners of his eyes crinkle before he even finishes his joke, clearly trying his best not to laugh at just how awful it was. A small smile hides in the corners of your lips, and Simon takes that as a victory, ignoring the questioning looks he’s getting from his team, for now.
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alexc-draws · 6 months
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"Are you alright?"
Short blurb below
Motes of magic twinkled in the air unaware that their master had just met a righteous gruesome end. The remains of the myrmidons fizzled out of the physical plane with minor fanfare. 
Dame Aylin excused herself and the rest of the group slowly put themselves back together. Shadowheart tended to wounds and Karlach immediately began rifling through the pockets of the newly deceased. 
Sorrel’s heart still beat at a frantic rate. She knew she aught to be used to chaotic rhythm of battle, it had been her entire life for countless weeks now. However there was something about a battle against a mage that made things more dire, the raw power that could be summoned with the most flippant of motions was frightening. Still frightening. 
“Are you alright?” 
His voice was muffled by the ringing in her ears, but unmistakable. Looking up into his bright eyes, any response died on her tongue as a gentle swipe of his fingers brushed over her cheek. 
Rolan looked down at her with a worried expression, tension written into the creases at his brow. He had reacted quickly to the combat and despite his teacher’s failings he orchestrated the weave around him flawlessly. Even Gale had given him a firm pat on the shoulder.
“yes,” the response came out as an exhale. “I’m sorry.”
Confusion overrode his worry, “Whatever for? My mast-Lorroakan chose his fate when he made such nefarious intentions known. You did well to try to persuade him from such routes, but he is-was a vain and cruel man.”
The tiefling dropped his hand back to his side, acutely aware that it had lingered on her skin for quite some time. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Sorrel winced, “But your apprenticeship, your plans, all of it. I…I mucked around in your life again.” The last part came out a cautious whisper. 
Rolan audibly sucked in a breath, glimmering eyes searching the crown of her head for the words he wasn’t sure he could say. 
“You did. And I thank you for it,” Sorrel’s bright eyes met his, “I don’t know if I could have found the strength to push back against him. I wanted so bad for all of this ...to mean something.”
Just as she was about to open her mouth a crooked grin silenced her. “No more apologizing.” 
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benevolenterrancy · 7 days
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redraw of that ds9 scene
LBH doesn't understand what's going on but wants to impress shizun; MBJ understands it even less but is optimistic about any sport involving a solid wooden bludgeon at least
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thatmoonspell · 11 months
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My first piece of fan art. My baby Regulus Black 🌙 ✨ Oil paint on 8x8 canvas. So excited to paint more HP pieces! 🤍
Follow me on Instagram!🌟
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thewiglesswonder · 1 year
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“THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM—”
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boyofzoot · 9 months
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Itadori
Commission Info | Patreon      
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kimiibo · 30 days
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The Grian withdrawal go crazy </333
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mentalmeles · 6 months
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It's soon to be over 17,520 hours and I'm still not over them.
A redraw of this old drawing. Reblogs > Likes.
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the-storyteller78 · 22 days
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“He is very small…”
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wehangout · 2 months
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I call this: Mickey Milkovich - Done With Your Shit
(Credit to @heymacy and her wonderful gays on loop tutorial)
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fayzday · 9 months
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Battle couple
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gamergirl929 · 3 months
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I Want To Ruin Our Friendship (We Should Be Lovers Instead) (Sophia Smith x Reader)
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You weren't big on social media, you never got in on the TikTok craze, but when your best friend, and long time crush Sophia Smith asked you to make a TikTok, you couldn't say no.
You were never big on social media, in all honesty, you didn’t see the appeal, especially when it came to TikTok.  
Anytime you saw your teammates recording a TikTok, you’d roll your eyes, but go along with whatever they were doing when the camera was turned your way, half-heartedly of course. 
They were big on TikTok trends, and often recorded them at camp or at friendlies. 
Somehow, you weren’t entirely sure how, you’d been roped into one of these said trend, but here you were sitting side by side with your best friend, Sophia Smith, the woman noticeably fidgeting. 
“Hey.” You say softly, the girl’s breath hitching when you place your hand on top of hers.  
“You alright?” You ask, your brows furrowed. 
Her throat bobs, her brown orbs darting to your lips before again meeting your eyes. 
“Y-Yeah.” She stutters and you hum, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go, missing the light twitch at the corner of her mouth. 
You were well aware that something was bothering her, you knew her too well to NOT know something was wrong.  
She was your best friend and had been since you’d become roommates in college. 
You knew Sophia Smith better than anyone, and she knew you better than anyone. 
She was the first person you’d come out to in college, and unsurprisingly, she was incredibly supportive. 
However, there was one thing she didn’t know, and that was that you were deeply in love with her and had been since college. 
You inhale deeply, pulling yourself out of your thoughts before clearing your throat. 
“So, what exactly are we doing here?” You ask, wondering what TikTok trend you were actually doing.  
Sophia clears her throat. 
“J-Just listen to this song.” She says softly before, pressing play on your phone, music filling the air 
Your brows arch when Sophia starts humming, her cheeks dusted pink. 
You wouldn’t admit it but you liked hearing her sing, something she did almost every morning in college when she was making coffee before class. 
You’d act like her early morning peppiness was annoying, but in reality, you loved waking up to the sound of her voice. 
“I think I’ve heard this song.” You say, vaguely remembering hearing it come from your best friend's phone one night. 
“Y-Yeah?” She stammers tugging at the hem of her t-shirt and you nod. 
It’s then that the lyrics start, the woman beside you singing quietly.  
“Y/N, darling, you’re my best friend.” She sings and your cheeks flush. 
“But there’s a few things, that you don’t know of.” 
You quirk your eyebrows, noting that Sophia glanced away, her cheeks flushed.  
“Why I borrow your lipstick so often.”  
You stop yourself from playfully teasing the woman that you in fact didn’t wear makeup, but you didn’t want to interrupt her. 
“I’m using your shirt as a pillowcase.” She puts her hands together and leans against them, feigning sleep. 
The look on her face changes as she cups your cheeks, your breath catching in your throat. 
“Soph?” You say, her throat bobbing as she sings the next set of lyrics. 
“I want to ruin our friendship.” She whispers as she leans in, your heart pounding wildly. 
“We should be lovers instead.” She sings before closing the distance between you. 
You kiss back with no sense of hesitation, wrapping your arms around her middle as you pull her close, your lips never disconnecting. 
Her arms wrap around your neck as you kiss softly.  
Your lips disconnect momentarily as she crawls into your lap, her legs wrapping around your middle before your lips meet again and again, each kiss sweeter than the last. 
“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long.” Sophia whispers against your lips and you smile.  
“Me too.” 
The TikTok you were making is entirely forgotten as your lips reconnect, the two of you smiling against one another's lips. 
You pull back, chuckling when the woman in your lap whines loudly. 
“How long have you been wanting to kiss me?” You ask, playfully bumping your nose against hers and she blushes as she turns away.  
“A while...” She mumbles and you smile, taking her chin between your thumb and index finger and turning her back towards you, your Y/E/C orbs meeting her dark browns.  
Her cheeks darken and you smile softly, your eyes holding a softness that makes her eyes go glassy and her heart skip a beat.
“When you walked into our dorm room, tripped on the carpet and fell on the floor.” She giggles and you throw your head back with an annoyed groan.  
“I was so embarrassed.” You mumble and she smiles, ducking down to press a gentle kiss to your lips.  
"It was adorable.” She teases and you snort.  
“Sureeeee it was.” You stick your tongue out and she hums.  
“What about you?” She asks, your brows furrowing in question your head cocking to the side.  
Sophia giggles, cupping your cheek.  
“How long have you been wanting to kiss me?” She asks and you ponder thoughtfully, already knowing the answer as you cover her hand with your own.  
“When I got up off the floor and you did everything you could not to laugh when you introduced yourself.” You grin and she giggles, stroking your jawline.  
“I was trying SO hard.” She says, giggling even harder and you roll your eyes.  
“Oh, I know. I heard you laughing when I left to get my stuff.” You say and she snorts, burying her face in your neck as she giggles.  
“Oh my god, I’m sorry.” She laughs and you scoff.  
“Yeah, you SOUND really sorry.” You say as you squeeze her sides, the woman squeaking loudly.  
You grin maliciously, the woman attempting to scramble out of your lap, but she’s too late considering you’d rolled the two of you over and now had her pinned beneath you, your fingers digging into her sides.  
She bats at your hands as you playfully tickle her sides, only stopping when the woman’s chest is heaving as she tries to catch her breath.  
You hover over her, your eyes darting around her face as she fills her lungs with air.  
“You’re gonna pay for that.” She pants and you hum, burying your face in her neck and kissing her jawline.  
“Oh, am I?” You ask, Sophia’s breath shuddering as you kiss her pulse point.  
“Y-Yeah.” She sighs, giving you a playful glare when you pull away from her, her shining brown orbs locking with your sparkling Y/E/C’s.  
“You know...” You start, Sophia’s brow arched.  
“I guess TikTok isn’t THAT bad.” You shrug and she giggles.  
“Does that mean you’ll make more with me?” She asks and you smirk.  
“If they end this way every time, then hell yeah.”  
Needless to say, you made A LOT of TikToks after that, and they all, in fact, end the same way every time.  
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ellierenae · 1 year
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TRADITIONAL ARTISTS! i wanted to make sure you guys know about erasable pens- not because pencils dont exist but because they ERASE WITH HEAT! so if you do a sketch in purple and ink it over in nice contrasting black so you're sure you got every line, you can hit that puppy with a heat gun for like 10 seconds and the sketch instantly vanishes
rebog to save a life etc 🙏
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fisheito · 4 months
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everyone gets a turn in the ridiculous skintight edmondsuit. or at least, .everyone SHOULD
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