#this is my side blog and I’ve been positing about things on my main

[petrovna-zamo]

[kaitsawamura]

🪞 🔮 🍅 🧺 🍯 🌱 The Farmer & The Wizard

PART 1: IN WHICH YOU UNEXPECTEDLY GET THE DEED TO A FARM

❦ STATS ❦ | all other information on this fic including additional warnings can be found on the masterlist

chapter rating: e for everyone, complete fic has an 18+ MDNI rating

chapter warnings: mention of the death of an estranged grandparent (no details)

chapter tags: semi-canon divergent, red thread of fate

chapter word count: 3.2K

This chapter and the rest of this fic are part of this blog's contribution to Fics for Gaza.

❦ LINKS ❦

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My Dear Little Bug,

If you’re reading this, you must be in dire need of a change.

The same thing happened to me long ago. I’d lost sight of what mattered most in life… real connections with other people and nature. So I dropped everything and moved to the place I truly belong.

I’ve enclosed the deed to that place… my pride and joy: Fox Hollow Farm. It’s located in Stardew Valley, on the southern coast. It’s the perfect place to start your new life.

This was my most precious gift of all, and now it’s yours. I know you’ll honor the family name, Little Bug. Good luck.

Love, Grandpa

Honor the family name? What a load of bullshit. There was no family left to honor. You were an only child and your parents had stopped talking to your grandpa on your dad’s side so long ago, you didn’t have any memories of him. Except for a blurry one, so void of detail it was as if it was a dream or a dream of a dream. In that memory, you could recall the thrill of seeing autumn leaves blustering in a flurry across a gravel drive, the creak of an old door, the smell of dirt, coffee, and aftershave. A pair of strong warm arms. That’s about it.

Now, your parents were divorced and the three of you were estranged. You were a singular island floating in a lonely, tumultuous sea. Things had been stressful at work and in your personal life. That must be why you even considered checking your Grandpa’s place out. The southern coast… that was practically out in the boonies. Scratch that, it was in the middle of nowhere. Zuzu City was the closest big town and even that would be small by your adult standards. You didn’t know if you had the gumption to do what it would take to fix the place up.

Still, although you had no idea why your grandfather had chosen you to take over the place most important to him, it would be a welcome distraction. The words in his letter… you were, in fact, in dire need of a change. How this all came to be at the time you needed it most was beyond your understanding. It was better to leave some things to the unknown, even if you did feel a strange pull to this place you’d been to once as a very young child.

You read the letter a final time before glancing at the attached legal papers. Suddenly it seemed as if the space you’d so meticulously curated to be yours was a touch too sterile. The apartment on the expensive side of town. The new, reliable car. The dinner parties, the expensive alcohol. The shiny executive position to go with it. You’d worked hard for it but also had privilege that so many didn’t. You were grateful for it. Even so, you couldn’t ignore that something was missing.

Perhaps long days and even longer nights, clean air, and more sky than infrastructure were the puzzle pieces you hadn’t found yet.

❦ 2 WEEKS LATER ❦

Your apartment was turnkey on the market and already had three solid offers.

In the end, you decided on saving the expense of a rental car, but doing so meant the closest you could get to Stardew Valley was Zuzu City and from there, you had to take a bus. The whole thing felt spectacularly contrived, much to your chagrin. It was spring and while the city was filled with smog, the moment you hit the long highway out of Zuzu towards your new home it was as if the heavens parted to shine a light on your way. Not a single cloud remained in the sky. Well, maybe one little puff that looked way too much like a pastry waaaay out in the distance.

It was a two hour drive on a four lane highway that somehow turned into a two lane without you noticing. For a long while there was nothing but the music playing in your headphones and stretches of field so green and wide open, you could easily get lost in daydreaming. Rolling hills, green grass, and sometimes a fence. Clair de Lune played in your ears and with the surprisingly comfortable position you’d found leaning your head on the window, it didn’t take much for you to drift off.

The bus jolting to a stop is what wakes you on a sharp, snorting breath as your eyes snap open. For a moment, you’re disoriented, unaware of where you are or if you are, in fact, a real person. A headache has begun throbbing at the base of your neck and your mouth is dry. Late afternoon sun streams in the bus window and the driver, a little graying man in a smart blue uniform is standing over you.

“There you are, I was beginning to think I couldn’t wake you. We’ve reached the end of the line. I’ll give you a moment while I open the cargo hold. I have a schedule I have to keep to though!” He says it brightly, smiling as big as can be, the expression crinkling his eyes shut above his rosy cheeks. You nod as he turns and spryly makes his way down the middle of the bus and out the doors.

You do take a moment, but only a small one, to stare out the window. It’s a small bus station, barely even a station at all really. There’s a small awning under a tree that houses an automatic ticket printer. It seems both too modern and too ancient, a monolith, to be here in Stardew Valley. There’s a wooden bench and a cobbled pathway that looks as if at one time there was a lot of foot traffic that has since dwindled. In the distance a wooden fence, fallen into disrepair.

Still, you take a breath and even within the confines of the vehicle, you can taste the crisp freshness in the air. On top of that, there’s green everywhere. In the trees, in the grass, in the wildflowers. In the button-up shirt on the other little old man standing expectantly outside the bus looking in. He’s wearing a brown newsboy cap and overalls, with a golden yellow tie. That must be the mayor. Mayor… Lee? Lemony? Lewis? That’s it, Mayor Lewis.

The mayor had been good friends with your grandfather. He had said as much over the phone when he called to confirm you had gotten the letter and legal papers in the mail. Mail didn’t get lost in Stardew Valley, it was too small but he didn’t known how things worked in the big modern city. He had told you he would meet you to take you to your grandfather’s, well, your farm when you got into town. That was two weeks ago and if you were being completely honest with yourself, you had forgotten that little detail. It was just as well because your fancy cellphone with “unparalleled” service had one little tiny bar; no pulling up Maps here.

Uncertainty roiled in your gut, truly the first bit of apprehension you’d felt since you’d started this process. Maybe this was literally the most foolish thing you’d done in your life, more foolish than breaking into the public pool after hours with your friends your senior year of high school and getting caught by the cops. That had been your last hurrah the summer before you all went to college. Perhaps this was a last hurrah as well. Except, there was no scholarship money waiting in the mail for you this time around. This would be all on you and while you were comfortable with what you had access to for the ball to get rolling, it was different spending your own money than money given to you. Money given to you didn’t count, it wasn’t real.

There was no time like the present. You grabbed your carry on, the one you’d had since high school with the fraying handles and the faded One Direction key chain, and stepped out into the later afternoon. Lewis, who was rocking on his heels with his arms clasped behind him, loosed a beaming smile in your direction. You smiled back, determined to make the most of this first impression.

“Mayor Lewis?” You made it a question even though you were certain it was unnecessary. He nodded enthusiastically and you shook hands. The driver had unloaded your singular suitcase from the hold and gave a mock salute to the two of you as he stepped back in the bus. The doors closed with a wheeze and a loud click before the idling engine was idle no longer and the wheels began rolling the bus back out of town. The mayor broke the amicable silence first.

“You must be exhausted so I’ll walk you straight to the farm and leave you to get settled in! Can I help ya with any of your bags?” You were inclined to let him assist so you handed him your carry on and grabbed your rolling suitcase; a fine film of pollen already collected over its surface. Thank god you’d brought antihistamines. You had an annoying feeling that your allergies would be acting up.

“Uh, Mayor—” he held up a hand.

“Please, call me Lewis. Your grandpa and I were much too close for you to be calling me by a title instead of my Yoba-given name.” Yoba. You hadn’t heard or thought of that name in a very long time. So the mayor was at least somewhat religious, you decided to assume.

“Oh, yes, all right. Lewis it is then. Can I clarify, did you say walk?” Another huge smile broke out across his face, bringing crows feet and laugh lines prominently to the surface. It was humanizing in such a way that you already felt a pang of endearing familiarity towards him. He did remind you vaguely of your grandpa, or what you could remember of him.

“Yes! It’s really not far, just down this dirt road here. I took the liberty of assuming that you would want to stretch your legs a little after that long drive. Your grandpa rode his horse until the very end but I’m sure we could fix ya up with somebody’s old truck if you’d rather use that for transportation from now on.” Your eyebrows shot up your forehead. The mayor must have seen the look of confusion because he rambled on, “Magpie’s a sturdy little gelding, but if he’s too much for you to keep, I’m sure I could help you find him a good home.”

There was so much to consider. You had told Lewis that you planned on fixing the place up but you still hadn’t answered the question that lingered heavily on your mind about what came after that. Did you really plan on uprooting your whole life permanently? Crickets chirped in the hedges lining the pathway. The sun sparkled through the trees as it set in the west. The air smelled heavily of daffodils and lilac. Even without seeing the farm, you already felt a strange pull behind your ribcage, like a string was tied around your heart and was tugging. In what direction, you couldn’t quite tell.

It really didn’t take any time to reach the farm at all. You’d been so wrapped up in further conversation with Lewis that you hadn’t noticed it was a twenty minute walk and sure enough your stiff hips and back welcomed the light exercise. He reminded you that there were a couple chickens that had already been locked up in their coop for the day but as sunny weather was predicted, you’d want to let them out in their run the following morning. The main living structure, a small cabin with a single room and kitchenette, still had utilities running. There was a little toilet room inside as well and a small bathhouse out back for any of your bathing needs. If the pipes groaned when you turned the water on, well, it really wasn’t a problem but if any issues arose from it, he could recommend a handy man to you.

You passed the mailbox and took a mental note that it was one of the first things you’d be fixing; it was leaning so precariously on a rotten wooden post you were surprised it was still standing. When the little cabin came into view as the two of you opened and shut the entrance gate behind you, you felt a tightness begin to unravel in your body. There was an apricot tree hanging over the tiny covered patio. Frogs chirped in the distance from the creek that ran around the far edges of the property. The chicken coop sat close to a bend of that creek next to another west facing entrance. You could also see the overgrown mini forest of trees you had as well as an overabundance of grass and weeds and stone that would need to be cleared.

“Well, here it is, Fox Hollow Farm! I don’t want to overstay my welcome so you let me know if there’s anything you need but otherwise, I’ll let you get settled in for the night.” You assured him as long as there was hot water in that bathhouse and a made bed to collapse into, you think you’d make it through the night. “Good. Robin and I’ll check back in on ya tomorrow morning!” You couldn’t remember exactly who he’d said Robin was but if they were as welcoming as Lewis, it didn’t really matter.

After Lewis had unlocked the cabin and handed you the key, it was very apparent that you weren’t even in the mood for a shower. You waved at him as he left, exhaustion settling deep in your bones. The place smelled dusty already, even though it had only been vacant for three weeks. The wooden floor groaned beneath your feet, but only slightly, as you dropped your duffle bag to the ground and rolled your suitcase just inside the door. You walked to the sink, wiping a hand over the dirty window to look out back. There was a wooden structure with floor to ceiling glass windows making up its four walls. That must be the bathhouse. There was an old coffee maker on the bit of counter space and a singular wooden mug. It was expertly carved and worn down from years of use. You wondered absently if someone local had crafted it.

There was a little basket on the table that was pushed up along the southern wall of the house. You sighed in relief when you realized there was a bag of fresh ground coffee, a loaf of bread wrapped in a cloth, a few clean carrots, a block of hard cheese wrapped in beeswax, a stick of butter in the same fabric, an aged roll of salami, six chicken eggs, and a glass mason jar labeled “Fig Jam” in looping cursive. When you opened the fridge there was an even bigger jar full of milk. You had a sandwich on the drive but you couldn’t resist digging straight into the loaf of bread, cracking it open with your fingers and tearing a hunk off to stuff in your mouth.

The outer layer was perfectly crusty while the inside was fluffy and practically melted in your mouth. You couldn’t wait to eat some of it with the butter and jam and cheese and eggs for breakfast.

After a bit more exploring from which you discovered adequate cleaning supplies under the kitchen sink and a perfectly made bed with an old soft patchwork quilt, you slipped off your shoes and unpacked pajamas from your suitcase. Sliding into bed here somehow felt a thousand times better than it had in your apartment for months. You fluffed the pillows behind you and pulled out your laptop, choosing not to solve the bed conundrum the first night here. Unsurprisingly there was no internet and your phone was definitely not going to be a good hotspot whatsoever. It was apparent you weren’t going to get any work done.

It was so peculiar; you knew you had been here once but… you really had no memory of the place. You didn’t didn’t think you should feel a kinship to it like you were. There was a small wooden nightstand next to the bed and on it there was an old dog eared copy of The Wizard of Oz. Your own books wouldn’t be here until tomorrow or the day after so you decided to crack it open.

For Jack: We always did love this book, even when we were kids. I saw it the other day on a shelf in a little book store on my trip a few towns over. Hope you like it.

The note scribbled in the inside cover was signed “Lew”. As in Lewis? Your grandpa and Lewis really were old friends then. He must be taking this harder than you would have guessed. You would make sure to invite him over for coffee and offer your condolences. Yes, Jack was your grandfather but you didn’t really know him. The light on the nightstand didn’t provide much light but you flipped to the first page of the book and read:

"Dorothy lived in the midst of the great Kansas prairies, with Uncle Henry, who was a farmer, and Aunt Em, who was the farmer's wife."

No sooner had you read two pages than your eyes fluttered shut. You tried to keep them open but to no avail so you flipped the light back out and snuggled into the sheets, completely forgetting to turn the white noise on your phone. It had been a necessary portion of your sleep routine for years and years and years.

But tonight, you fell asleep without it, the song of the night filtering in the window you’d left open next to the bed.

Gojo Satoru woke from a deep slumber, sat upright, and squinted his eyes to look about his room. There was nothing out of place. His tower window was open; it always had to be when he slept, except for some days in autumn and for most of the winter season.

He strained to listen, thinking a nocturnal animal must have disturbed his sleep. Again, nothing amiss. He could hear the crickets and the frogs, and in the very far distance, the notes of a mockingbird’s song trilled to him over the cool spring air.

He laid back down, the moonlight shining in the window spilling over his bare chest and illuminating his white hair. If he just breathed slow enough to also slow the sudden rapid beating of his heart, he could go back to sleep. Meditation was something he did often so it didn’t take much. But he couldn’t stop the tugging sensation somewhere behind his ribcage. Strange.

Something had changed in Stardew Valley and he was going to find out what.

This work and its digital elements (credit for pixel art to ConcernedApe) are © Kait of @kaitsawamura 2020-PRESENT. I do not own any rights to Stardew Valley and any subsequent settings/characters, but this work is heavily inspired by that amazing game. Please do not alter or copy this work. Please do not repost this work to other platforms without my express permission.

[gor3sigil]

Hi ! I’m a 29 year old trans man from France, and I really like reading your blog. You write very eloquently and what you have to share is important. It’s bittersweet for me to finally encounter people talking about transandrophobia. I’ve been trying to talk about it for years. My heart breaks when I think about all the young trans men and transmasculine people who grow up hating themselves because of both the societal transphobia and the transandrophobia of queer spaces. I detransitioned for 4 years, partly because I felt so alienated. A woman I loved and looked up to, who calls herself a feminist, told me that after my first testosterone injection I could not talk about feminism anymore. She said I was now on the side of the oppressor. She stated that she would support me as an individual but that her fight was for women, cis or trans, and I had to stay quiet and let women speak. She, in fact, did not support me as an individual either. When I was an androgynous non binary person she would compliment me all the time. When I transitioned, she started to grow colder and patronizing with me. She blocked me after I made a general post to talk about my experiences and explain, in a very gentle way, how trans men experience misogyny in a lot of spaces, misandry in queer and feminist spaces, and transphobia everywhere, and how our fights are intertwined with feminist fights.

Another trans man from France hooray !! I'm very glad you shared your experience, partly because I relate to it a lot (idk if you've seen the post I made about how I detransitioned for a year and it was partly due to the mistreatment I've been getting because I was a trans dude), and also because it's so important to spread the word. I'm really sorry you went through that. I had the same type of shit from women that I considered my sisters before transitioning, who ditched me like crap when I started using he/him pronouns. Since you're french too, I'd like to point something that I noticed in the french trans community (maybe you'll disagree and that's totally fair), is that anti transmasculinity and radfem ideologies are VERY LOUD in queer spaces and that trans men often play a part in it. I saw 2 separate videos recently from two trans men youtuber (who I will not name publicly for obvious reasons but you can ask me in DMs if you want) who both made videos asking if "Men are trash" included trans men, and both I found... Well, wrong, in a lot of ways. Because the main argument is that trans men who medically transition, do so with the intent of being treated and perceived in society AS men (or if this wasn't the intent, this is what happens anyways), and so basically take the role of men in the patriarchy, so the role of the oppressor. The second video was a bit more nuanced with the idea that not all trans men do transition medically, some don't pass etc but still, I find it appalling to see that almost every transmasc creator I see, who makes content in french at least, talk about transmasculinity in a way that is almost exclusively "AFAB perisex person who wants to be a Neo Cis Man". Which is, at least from all the people I've talked to since coming out in 2017, not the case for a vast majority of people, and even when it IS the case, trans men don't, and I say that with my whole chest, they DON'T have cis men privileges and they ARE NOT in a position of power over women, ESPECIALLY cis women. Well, that's my way of seeing things anyways. I really hope our local activists will stick their heads out of their white, skinny, cis passing trans men asses and start taking a look at the actual experiences of the many more of us. It'd be a nice change of pace. Thank you for your comment and sorry for the rant lmao

[avaantares]

Guardian Bonus Bingo: Starlight (Amnesty edition)

<recipe blog intro> Sooo the past month has been one of the months of all time, between yet another bout of COVID (it's still a thing, get your booster!) and the whole workshop reg explosion (I covered that on my main rather than here, but basically it meant two weeks of panic), and then the nonsense happening with the next con I'm booked at (heavy 😒 face) which is o n g o i n g

ANYWAY

All that to say that I've not been on Tumblr regularly since... uh... the second week of July? and the majority of everything posted since then was just my queue running out. While I did remember to look up the @guardianbingo prompts and even managed to produce some content, I wasn't online to actually post said content. Thank goodness for the amnesty period.

I remember writing something for the Frustration prompt, but I... don't exactly remember where that file ended up 😅 so I'm posting Starlight first. </recipe blog>

Like the first two fills, this one is a scene that will slot into my AU YOHE fic Picture Imperfect, which will resume posting just as soon as I have two consecutive minutes free to actually edit the thing (which will not be this month. Fingers crossed for September).

-------------

It was well past sunset when Shen Wei appeared at their usual meeting place at the watchpost. Zhao Yunlan was stretched out on his back in the sparse grass. He’d barely registered the approaching footfalls when he was jolted to awareness by the alarm in Shen Wei’s voice. “Kunlun?”

“What?” Zhao Yunlan half-rolled to his side and craned his neck to look at him—or at least in the direction of his voice. He could just make out a deeper darkness silhouetted against the night sky. “What is it?”

“You—” Shen Wei froze, halfway to a crouch beside him. “Are you all right?”

“Fine. Shouldn’t I be?” Zhao Yunlan strained his ears for any cries of warning or sounds of battle from below, but the night was still. “Is something wrong?”

“I thought you were… unwell.” Slowly, Shen Wei sank the rest of the way to his level. “Why are you lying on the ground?”

Zhao Yunlan dropped back to his recumbent position. “I was just looking at the sky.”

Shen Wei looked up. “Is there something noteworthy about it?”

“Just how many stars there are. It’s so dark tonight, you can really see them.” Thousands upon thousands of them, sprinkled across the sky, dense as the sand on a beach. Without the moon or artificial light to compete with their soft glimmering, the entire canopy stretching overhead seemed alive. Even the darkest parts were shaded with faint speckles, once you looked closely. “I’ve never seen a sky so full of stars.”

“Dahuangshan has no view of the sky? I thought the mountain air would be clearer.”

“They’re… obscured, where I’m from. Too much haze in the air. The light from people’s lamps bounces off it and makes it hard to see through.”

Shen Wei was silent for a moment. “There used to be more of them. Before the Calamity.”

Zhao Yunlan squinted at his silhouette. “What, the meteor knocked stars out of the sky? That doesn’t seem very likely.”

“The ash and debris thrown into the heavens from the impact blotted out the sunlight and plunged the world into sudden winter. Some of the dust fell back to the surface in the years of black snow, but the researchers say that much of it stayed high in the air, circling Haixing. They can tell somehow, with the sacred machines.”

So apparently the spaceship computer analyzed climate data, too. He really needed to get a proper look at one of those “sacred machines.”

Not tonight, though. Tonight, he was on a date—not that his companion would recognize it as such, or even know what one was. “Do you remember it?” Zhao Yunlan asked. “The sky, before the meteor? Or—no, I suppose you were still in Dixing then, weren’t you?”

“No,” Shen Wei answered quietly. Zhao Yunlan assumed he meant he couldn’t remember until he added, “I didn’t see Dixing until much later. I was born on the surface.”

“You were?” Zhao Yunlan rolled upright and shifted around to face him, though it was too dark to see. His Shen Wei had always been so tight-lipped about his past, he hadn’t expected the younger version to share anything about himself. “Where?”

“West of here.” Apparently that was all he was willing to share, because something rounded and warm was suddenly pushed into Zhao Yunlan’s hand. “I brought food. Eat while it’s hot.”

Zhao Yunlan patted around the edge of the bowl until he found the handle of a spoon poking out of it. “I had supper with the men, you know.”

“I saw what you had for supper. You need to eat more.”

Zhao Yunlan could have protested, but Shen Wei was probably right—and he wasn’t about to discourage the man from feeding him, not when he knew what culinary bliss awaited him in the distant future. He sampled the substance in the bowl. It wasn’t exactly congee, since they’d run out of rice days ago, but the texture was similar. He detected bits of wild onion and a few shreds of meat mixed in with the porridge. “What am I eating?”

“Millet, primarily. Unless you mean the rabbit.”

“We have rabbit?”

“The hunters were fortunate. They discovered a warren and brought back several.”

Rabbit wasn’t his favorite dish, but he was grateful for the additional protein. Except for the occasional smoked fish, his meals lately had been lean portions of grain and a selection of increasingly unpalatable vegetables. Even a small supplement of boiled millet and a few bites of meat might give his body the energy it needed to finish healing, and he wanted his leg back to normal as soon as possible.

When he’d finished eating, he set the bowl on the grass and maneuvered around so he could lean back against one of the boulders. “It’s been over a month,” he murmured, gazing up at the sky again. “We left Jiangyan right before the new moon, remember? That means I’ve been here around five weeks.” Air escaped him in a slow sigh. “I wonder how things are back home.”

[ingravinoveritas]

Something I’ve noticed that interests me is how David & Georgia & Michael refer to Michael as “David’s other wife.” They use ‘partners’ occassionally, but most of the time it’s “other wife,” which reads as feminine and a possessive

Anna (is that her name? She’s so nonessential I forget) is never mentioned & it’s always in the context of a female David “owns,” yet secondary, underneath. It could be interpreted as something silly & innocent but I just think the positoning and delineation is very specific and interesting in the dominance + stability in whatever dynamic they have

Hi there! Oh, yes, this is something I have also noticed and talked about previously on my blog. I agree with you that the positioning/delineation is specific and done for a reason (calling Michael "other wife" instead of David's "husband," for instance).

What's really interesting to me, though, is how many times Michael has done it himself. The first instance was even before the whole "other wife" thing happened, which was on a breakfast show that he and David were interviewed on during the GO season 1 press tour. Georgia was pregnant with Birdie at the time, and the host mentioned that there was "another one on the way," to which Michael said this:

And while I mentioned in my timeline Georgia initially calling Michael David's "other wife" in 2021, what I didn't include was a screenshot of Michael's response, which is just as notable:

So for those who have not seen the movie, Love, Actually is a a very British romcom from 2003. Emma Thompson plays a character who is married to Alan Rickman's character, and he subsequently cheats on his wife with another woman, his secretary.

What makes Michael's tweet above so interesting, however, is that Michael chose to identify with the main spouse, rather than the side piece/mistress. The suggestion here is that Michael views his relationship with David as something deep and meaningful, rather than a cheap affair. He sees himself in a place of prominence in David's life, rather than relegated to the back burner (can we say "Nobody puts Michael in a corner?" I think we can...).

I think for some time now, Georgia has known and seen the place that Michael has in David's life, and setting up these boundaries/demarcations has likely been part of multiple conversations over the last few years (between her and David, and between David and Michael, though I am guessing Michael and Georgia haven't spoken directly very often). If Michael and David did start to become involved during the GO season 1 press tour (which is when Michael said that they got "very, very close"), it would make sense for things to be laid out then, before Georgia started slowly "testing the waters" on social media in 2020 and then more so later on in 2021.

Taking all of this together--"mother," "other wife"--I think there is a deliberateness to this because it reflects the emotional need that David fills in Michael. That is, it seems as if he doesn't feel like he "belongs" to someone, and for Michael, being taken care of is as important as him taking care of others. We've seen Michael be protective/possessive of David in the past, but letting himself be "owned" speaks to a level of vulnerability that he allows himself to have with David that he doesn't have with anyone else, and it shows exactly who Michael belongs to (and vice-versa).

So yes, those are my thoughts on the aforementioned dynamic between Michael, David, and Georgia, and all that it may imply. I do agree that it is very interesting, and it will remain interesting as we see all of this continue to play out...

[butchpeace]

Hi Sam!

I found a post that you wrote about detransitioning and I decided to visit your blog.

I’m very sorry that you experienced negative effects from HRT. I hope you’re doing better now.

However-

I truly don’t believe that your singular experience is enough to invalidate hundreds of trans people who have received positive effects from HRT. And yes, I know there are other detransitioners in the world, but there are also lots of people who like HRT and found it life-saving. People have different results from HRT, and some bad experiences shouldn’t mean that we give up HRT for everybody, especially considering how many people find it life-saving, and also the fact that HRT is used to treat cisgender people, too.

I have trans friends right now who are on HRT and are feeling the best they’ve ever felt about themselves. And I have trans friends who don’t take HRT yet but cannot wait to take it. I myself experience dysphoria, and if I could take puberty blockers or get surgery, I would (I am agender).

Lastly, I just want to say that even though you may not believe you’re trans anymore, there are still so many valid trans people in the world. Again, your experience does not and cannot invalidate the feelings and experiences of other people, because we’re all different and we feel different things for ourselves!

You probably won’t respond to this, but I would love to hear your point of view, mostly just to educate myself on other people’s opinions. And I hope you’ll change your mind about your current opinions.

-Cass

Hey Cass. Thanks for your question and for being respectful! This is a good opportunity for me to put together the research I’ve found so far. Buckle up, it’s gonna be a long one!

I genuinely hold no ill-will towards people who are currently transitioning. I have many trans friends who I care about and love. My opinions are based entirely in empathy and care for all people who have been on cross-sex hormones.

I agree with you that there are transitioning people who are, at the moment, happy with their decisions and experiencing no negative health effects. And I agree that some of them may go the rest of their lives that way. And if that’s the case, I’m glad for them.

However, the harms of testosterone have been covered up by the trans community for a very long time. We’re now starting to see research backing up what detransitioners have been talking about for years.

What testosterone does (this is the main selling point) is shut down the ovaries’ normal production of hormones. Puberty blockers also disrupt the natural functioning of the ovaries, which disrupts the natural growth process of children’s bodies. This can be reversible in some cases when you stop taking it, but many people find that their ovaries don’t start working normally again after stopping. Not producing enough hormones naturally can lead to many health issues, some of which can be very serious. Some of us need to take estrogen HRT after stopping T. Some develop PCOS while on T, which doesn’t go away. A small amount become infertile.

Testosterone also will eventually cause atrophy in the reproductive organs in most people. For some, it only takes a couple years on T before the vagina and uterus atrophy and cause chronic pain. Many people will claim this can be reversed by using vaginal estrogen, but we have no proof of that, and anecdotal information to the contrary. In fact, doctors didn’t even know that vaginal atrophy was a side effect of being on T until maybe five years ago, when they officially added it to the list of risks. Most of them weren’t prescribing vaginal estrogen before then.

Many people have had unnecessary and/or unwanted surgery because of this issue, and there are other people who have been living with chronic pain for many years, even after stopping T.

So here’s the research we have so far: 94% of females on testosterone develop some form of pelvic floor dysfunction, which can affect bladder and bowel function, sexual function, and can lead to pelvic organ prolapse. (x)

Nearly every detransitioner I’ve talked to has vaginal atrophy that has not improved, without treatment, since stopping T and which causes them more serious problems than just dryness. See this post for more information on our pelvic floor health. (x)

Here’s the study that showed 72% of people on T developing pelvic pain. (x)

Females on T are 4% more likely than women and 2% more likely than men to have heart attacks, according to the American Heart Association. (x)

The health risks they tell you about when you start T include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and increased red blood cell count. I experienced the first 2 problems while on T, despite having a very healthy lifestyle and I’ve heard of others who experienced the same.

Many people also experience symptoms of menopause, even while on T. Hot flashes, fatigue, headaches, muscle pains, dry eyes, mental health conditions, bone problems, and many more symptoms can all be connected to having ovaries that aren’t functioning at their normal, healthy levels, or not having them at all. I’ve experienced some of these myself and have talked to others who also have these issues.

All in all, we’re kidding ourselves if we think that the doctors who prescribe these things actually understand the long term effects of testosterone on the female body.

There’s so little understanding of women’s bodies in the first place due to historical sexism and neglect of women’s health issues. A lot of doctors don’t understand menopause or the symptoms of it in the first place, so how are they going to diagnose issues like that in young people undergoing cross-sex hormone treatment?

And this isn’t even touching the issues many people report with nerve pain and discomfort after top surgery, rib problems after binding, and other surgery complications.

On top of that, transition has only been widely available to people (in numbers large enough to study) in the past 10 years. That’s why we don’t have long term research that this is safe yet. It’s literally impossible for us to have it.

We also have extremely poor data to show how many people continue hormone treatment and how many people stop. Because of this, we have practically no data on the real detransition rates in the US. Most people who detransition simply stop seeing their HRT provider and stop hormones on their own. None of them are counted in any numbers that we have. There’s also an incredible amount of stigma surrounding transition regret in the trans community. From that we can assume that there are at least some trans people who simply don’t talk about the fact that they regret it. Therefore, the 1% detransition/regret rate that’s thrown around is likely way off.

So, the doctors are lying. They’re telling us it’s safe, effective, and necessary when they don’t actually know that. The whole concept of being trans is based on the idea that you need to take these hormones in order to improve your mental health. And what is that based on? The vague fact that some people are distressed about not being the opposite sex. A hypothetical suicide rate that was never really proven, because they don’t do controlled research to see how many people commit suicide if they don’t medically transition vs when they do. To me, that doesn’t seem to be enough to hold up an entire medical industry that profits from giving primarily homosexual people hormone imbalances and risky surgeries.

This is why I call transition “medical malpractice”, and disagree with it. It’s not based on hatred, but on facts. They do not have the proof to show that this is safe, effective, and necessary. They just claim they do.

I hope that clarifies my position, and feel free to ask any further questions! I also want to note that I have an open mind, always. If the facts end up contradicting my opinions, my opinions will change. ✌🏼

[canipetthatdeaddove]

Hi!

Just saw you reblog that post about Thorin and physical touch from me with your thoughts, and I wanted to say I’m not trying to tone police anyone, or virtue signal, or anything like that at all, really! I just thought it was an interesting take, is all. I really enjoy reading other folks headcanons, and I think however anyone wants to interpret the source material, films *or* book, is completely fair enough. Truly, I just really love seeing all the variations that people come up with - it’s one of my favourite parts of fandom!

Anyway, I’m sorry if it upset you, or if my reblogging it made you or anyone else feel attacked - that was certainly not my intention! Of course the post wasn’t mine, as such, but since you reblogged directly from me and it’s been in my queue for a few months now (so I’ve essentially reintroduced it, I guess?) I just wanted to clarify, and apologise if I caused any upset.

Thanks, and take care!

@conkers-thecosy NOOOOO CONKERS NEVER! You are the sweetest most precious thing you've never done anything wrong a day in your life and if anything happened to you I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself. (Parasocial relationships are weird, but I've been following for a couple years before my last blogged was nuked and I know what a force for positivity you are in this fandom.)

I am coming from a humble place, but unfortunately my writing style is "condescending, stuck up" so bear with me. I don't mean to sound like a butthole when I write.

These anti-dark-Thorin takes get reblogged by all the popular bloggers in the fandom. I'm never personally offended by them, just exasperated because I think it's almost an auto-reflex people aren't really inspecting very closely. We ARE all anti-censorship, right? We're not, like... passively encouraging totalitarianism, yeah? Not even accidentally by reblogging posts that discourage a negative depiction of a character in favor of a positive one, right? RIGHT!!!??? (insert padme and anakin meme)

All of this could have been said without invalidating those people who write dark-Thorin. That's ONE of the main points I want to make here. Love romantic, heart-melting, chivalrous, not-bigoted Thorin. Promote him. Write about him. But don't make him the standard. That's not reality.

Maybe because of the shades-of-grey character that Thorin is, it's caused people to come out the gates in defense of him. And I love all the ways in which writers have enriched his character by leaning into or creating positive qualities so it's easier and more satisfying to enjoy him and Bagginshield. (So that's its easier for Bilbo to put up with his ass lololol.)

I think it's wrong and a terrible disservice to, as I said, imply that people who explore the dark side of Thorin misunderstood the source material. Or to discourage creativity. "You're not playing in the sandbox right!" No, it's just I'm writing a Game of Thrones AU, and you're doing The Princess Bride AU. Neither is wrong just very different.

I know, @conkers-thecosy, your intention was not to do what I have described above. I don't think its the intention of MOST authors to repeat censorship-y rhetoric. I just don't think a lot of Hobbit fandom writers are inspecting this at all because they feel very strongly about a negative depiction of Thorin.

I have a great deal of admiration and respect for you @conkers-thecosy and nearly ALL the writers I've seen do this. I'm not mad at anyone. When I'm writing in my own voice, though, I can be what others have called "spicy". Blunt, direct, er... rude? That's not my intention towards you or anyone else in this fandom in regards to this issue. I'm sorry if my reblog was overly-aggressive.

[pommunist]

I know you're getting swarmed with Anons right now, and this is just adding to the pile but... even if I said this on my main blog or anything it would likely just get ignored or ridiculed I'm sure.

I... as a crow... feel as though I cannot mourn.

I feel like I gave no right to be sad about losing the eggs I cared about because we just happened to have ours come back briefly for a goodbye. I feel like I can't even be happy we got that closure at all because everyone else had it worse. That we don't deserve it. That everyone hates us and that we aren't welcome anywhere. After all.. we got to say goodbye to our eggs. We got our closure.

We got "special treatment"

...so I don't deserve to be sad. We're the favorites right? Clearly.

I dont think I can feel anything about any of this. We just wanted to be hopeful that ours coming back was a good sign. A step in the right direction but it wasn't and we were wrong. Now we're being scoffed at for being disappointed as well. "We knew already." "Its been dead" "oh. NO you care."

Its all a slap in the face. Nobody wanted this. Nobody wanted to lose any eggs. I just... feel like I should apologize for existing in this Fandom at all. That I'm stupid and SHOULD feel ashamed for being relieved to see our eggs. Thinking foolishly that things could improve. But they didn't. Everyone was right. I'm sorry... im sorry not everyone got to see their kids. I'm sorry we got to see ours one last time. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I wish it wasn't like this.

I understand if you all hate us. you've all lost so much more than us. Suffered longer. Fought harder.

I just wanted things to get better.

oops sorry anon went to sleep yesterday before seeing this !

I’m glad that you guys to have a proper sending off to your characters ! I’m glad that, if it is the case, at least some admins got to leave on their own terms ! I’ve personally never felt like the people in this fandom who kept trying to be hopeful and positive were being stupid for it, hell I wanted you guys to be right !

Don’t apologise for staying, I think both the « I’m happy my faves stayed for a little bit longer and I kept hoping » and « I’m salty not many people cared at first because it wasn’t their faves that were gone » sentiments can coexist and both « teams » have legitimate reasons to feel like they do ! I also feel like people, such as the anons I got previously, who are more on that second « team » never wanted those who stayed positive to join in and be miserable too, it’s more within the line of « wish people cared when we were sad » ? Never wanted to be right about this, wanted to be proven wrong so badly 😭

It’s not a war of opinions bc they’re two sides of the same coin, we’re all taking the L, we’re all seeing a project we loved go downhill fast and steady, we’re all seeing the end of characters of we cared about. It’s just that our breaking points came at different times, but they came nonetheless.

You’re still allowed to feel sad and you’re still welcomed in this fandom, I need to know who hurt qsmpblr so bad that made people constantly being apologetic of their feelings and afraid to express their opinion

[gothamslostboy]

A Small Push

Zsasz x Male Reader

This was meant to be a small paragraph or two on my gotham blog, but I got so carried away

This is the first thing I’ve enjoyed writing so much in a while, so it’s going on the main blog

I didn’t proofread so lmk any typos

WORDS: 2107

YOU ZSASZ

Very little information is known about Victor Zsasz. Sure, everyone in Gotham knows to avoid him. They know he’s a sadistic assassin, loyal to his boss, and that he’s never been serious. The few who’ve survived him only bc the boss called him off report their pleas for life to be met with indifference, which always turns to a unrelated comment about what he’s doing later or asking about what his victim originally planned to do that day.

You see, the terrifying thing about Zsasz isn’t how great he is at his job. What sends chills down Gothamites spines at the mention of his name is how unbothered he is with human life. Where the rest of us see cold blooded murder, Victor sees Tuesday morning’s work. Nothing more important than an office worker doing paper work. Yet, no matter how perplexed a person gets, none of them have tried asking him why.

Until you came along.

It was a new day at work, having started at this diner earlier this week after police officers told you one of Gotham’s several psychos burnt down your last job. Lucky for you it was your day off, not so lucky for your coworker Lucas, but you hadn’t liked him much anyway. Despite it being a Friday, the diner was almost completely empty tonight. You had only had one customer, an older man who had been in a rush to eat. He tipped well, though his rambling about leaving before “Satan’s Strawberry Milkshake Meal” left an odd impression.

Confusion only grew in your mind when your supervisor asked if you could handle being alone for a couple hours, eyes quickly shifting between you and the clock. Before you could even finish nodding your head she pushed past you, almost knocking over the coat hanger by the door as she ran. Now you were a little pissed, not only for her abruptness, but at the fact she had been whispering to herself about “milkshake psychos”.

What was everyone’s deal tonight? Maybe you were missing some information about this side of town, you had only just moved over here for the job, starting your first shift immediately after putting the moving boxes inside your apartment. You’d have to ask the supervisor when she got back.

The bell above the door rang, and suddenly all the pieces clicked together. Victor Zsasz, cruelest killer in Gotham, had walked through your doors and was striding over to the counter. It was too late to pretend you weren’t here, his eyes had registered your paralyzed form quickly and he gave a short wave before sitting down.

Taking a deep breath, your feet moved before your mind and pulled you all the way to the backside of the counter. Now you were less then 5 feet from the man, his stare unnerving, only amplified by his almost innocently placed hands: fingers interlocked in an almost “prayer” position.

Hello welcome to Margret’s Diner, what can- what would you like this evening Sir- er, um, Mr. Vic- Mr. Zsasz? Your hand were shaking as you held your notepad, small damp marks at the end of your desperate fingers. You didn’t dare to make eye contact, not even as you heard his sudden chuckle.

Why are you so stressed? If anyone should be stressed it’s me, just had to flee a scene. And you don’t have to be so formal, it’s Zsasz.

A scene? Did he mean a crime scene- of the murder variety? Your grip tightens on the yellow paper below you, clearing your throat as if it would bring back the air squeezed out from your lungs. He lowers his head to try and enter your eyeline, obviously enjoying the effect his presence has.

I guess you- aha, you have a fair point there Zsasz. You let some pathetic chuckles fill the space in between your words, only continuing on when Victor motions his hand, amused but feeling a smidge of annoyance at your inability to speak. The adrenaline of being so close to a killer kicks in, forcing a wave of dangerous confidence to enter your system. So, Zsasz, your stance straightens and you grin a bit at his surprise when you look him in the eyes. What can I get you? From what others have said today I’m assuming a milkshake is on your menu? You can’t even believe your own words, and it seems neither can the assassin in front of you. He leans back in his chair, arms crossing as he shakes his head and smiles.

Bravo, his hands make the motion of clapping with out any sound before he leans closer, head resting in his hands. You take a tiny step back. When you picture Victor Zsasz: Gotham’s Greatest Assassin, you saw a serious man. One who would have already shot you just for making any sort of assumption about him. The casual man with a sort of relaxed beauty about him seemed almost unable to kill, but you knew better than to trust your unstable taste in men.

I had you pegged for a coward diner man, where did those words come from? What a surprise that is. His eyes are wide, too full of life for a man who just admitted to committing a crime, or at the very least running from one. You relax knowing that the annoyance he carried earlier seems gone, maybe even replaced with the same fascination for you that you had for him.

Don’t know, maybe I’m losing it. So was I right about that milkshake or what? Have my sources lied? If the pounding of your heart hadn’t been reminding you of your awakeness, you wouldn’t believe this was a real moment. Not a coward, but you’ve certainly never been a brave, confident conversationalist, and definitely not with someone so infamous as Victor.

Huh, guess I was wrong. Strawberry milkshake please, no cherry. Aren’t you a tiny bit scared I’ll kill you? He focused on you now, trying to discern any fearful tells you could have. Itching to see if you truly were insane. It’s rare he finds someone who can speak to him, even rarer that person seems to relax and enjoy the conversation. You speak over the rising sound of your heart, and scare yourself a bit by resting a hand on the counter and leaning towards the man dressed in black.

If you killed me, who would make the milkshake? You don’t know where the ingredients are and then you’d have a body in your way! Doesn’t seem ideal for a relaxing milkshake. You let a big grin cover your face when it’s apparent Victor enjoyed your answer, laughing and moving just a bit closer. He lets his head flop to the side, catching in in his right hand while pointing at you with his left.

Oh you are fun. Also new here. I come here every week, surprised no one told you. Kinda well known around here. He jokingly rolls his eyes as he finishes his sentence.

He meant it. You are fun, he’s gonna have to keep you around. No matter the cost. It’s obvious to him this is at least partially a front, your hand is more relaxed, but still shaking. But even still, he doesn’t meet people who joke with him on the day to day. Only other assassins, even then it’s typically not good natured, and they usually end up dead. But you. He doesn’t even know your name but he’s on the edge of his seat waiting for you to reply. You’re cute. You’re funny. And you’re blushing everytime he gets closer, Victor doesn’t think you even noticed that you were.

Zsasz made a promise to himself the day he realized he was different from those around him. The day he realized no one else enjoyed watching the pain of others, no one enjoyed causing it, when he observed quick movements in the opposite direction as he walked towards ppl, the day he pieced together it wasn’t normal to relish in that. Victor Zsasz promised himself that when he found someone he didn’t want to hurt, even a little bit, he wouldn’t let them escape. Lucky day, he found you. Even with his favorite torture methods & his favorite weapons, no scenario in his mind felt right, at least not the unconsentually violent ones. You’re voice fades into his mind. He hadn’t even realized he zoned out.

Zsasz? You ok there? What did you get shot fleeing? are you gonna die on me? Your real concern, hidden behind sarcasm didn’t escape him. How cute. Looking you in the eyes Victor answers.

Nah I’m to good for that. Thinking about you. Wanna make yourself a milkshake too? My treat! He slams his hand on the table, expectingly waiting for you to comply.

Well, it is a slow day, why not! Walking over to the blender, a question nags at you. Hey Zsasz? You take a deep breath again before deciding to commit. Ask ya’ a question?

Sure diner man, if you can do two things. He holds up two fingers, and opens up the jar of maraschino cherries you were struggling with. Numero uno: you can call me Victor now, you’re fun. Numer dos: let me know your name! Diner man is fun an’ all, but it’s unfair you know mine.

Victor pops a cherry in his mouth as he waits for the blender to stop. Never taking his gaze away from his new prize.

Oh shit, sorry. Totally forgot. Um, Y/N, Y/N L/N! And well, I guess I was wondering- I just wanna know- I’m curious how you do it? For the first time since the beginning of Victor’s visit, you’re too nervous to look at him. What if he thought that was too personal? You place a straw in his milkshake and slide it over to him, gasping when his hand wraps around your wrist.

Don’t get all shy on me L/N, we are having so much fun. I do a lot of things, you’re gonna have to be specific. He notices your hesitancy to continue and pulls you into him, almost spilling his milkshake as he whispers in your ear. I don’t bite, well, unless you want me to handsome. He lets you pull back and winks, sipping at his cool drink.

You do the same, hoping it will combat the heat flooding your body, hoping it’s not, but knowing it is very visible on your cheeks. Alrighty Victor, he loves how you say his name, intently locking his eyes on your fidgeting hands. How do you kill? How come the cops never catch you off guard? Why don’t you have to take it seriously?

Huh. No one’s ever asked him that. His new favorite possession is braver than most.

Because I’m good at what I do Y/N. It’s easy, just pull the trigger, push the button, stab, I could do it in my sleep. I don’t take it seriously because how’s that fun? He leans back and smiles a bit, intrigued at how much more terrified you were to ask the question than you are hearing the answer. Infact, it seems you’ve forgotten that people are supposed to be disturbed when they hear this. Y/N L/N seems almost, jealous, that Victor Zsasz can do this.

I could teach you, friend. Makes good money. Definitely more fun then a diner job. He cuts off your protest quickly. You don’t have to do the whole “I’m a good person” act, I can see it in your eyes. I don’t think you were joking when you said your losing it Y/N. You just need some one to push you along, Victor stand up, slowly walking all the way to the other side of the counter until he’s face to face with you. His lips hovering barely over yours. Let me push

You get lost in his dark eyes for a second contemplating. Maybe he’s not so crazy. Life is the crazy thing. People like Lucas were crazy. He always bugged you at your last job, constantly asking you to work overtime. Why should you have to do extra because he had a bad life? Maybe what you had done made sense. I mean the police had believed that the building burning was Jerome Valeska, they hadn’t even noticed the gun shot wound. It wouldn’t be so easy if it was wrong, right? Okay, you connect your lips, closing your eyes and enjoying the moment. You pull back for air, reestablishing eye contact.

Teach me, push me over the edge

[exposedtruth]

As another Elriel, I agree with the previous anon. I have seen horrific people from every side of the fandom. I joined because I wanted to chat with other likeminded people who enjoyed the books and the characters, but the tags are so clogged with hate all the time. Like I don't understand why a fandom of mostly adults can't comprehend the idea of blocking and filtering. I, for example, hate Gwynriel.

Things I don't do:

-harass creators

-repeatedly post anti-gwynriel content in the gwynriel tags

-ask for artists to do my preferred ships without leaving anything positive

-doxx people

Things I do do:

-block the main gwynriel blogs without sending any mean anons

-filter out the gwynriel tags

-send nice messages to artists/writers whose works I enjoy, and ignore the ones I don't

-tag my posts correctly

This feels like the bare minimum tbh but apparently it's not. I wasn't around in fandoms during the whole Team Edward/Team Jacob everyone is comparing this to, but I have not seen any other fandom this aggressive/rude about ships, characters, or even just the author. Like why are people coming onto the acotar/character tags just to complain about how much they hate them. I really think it has to do with the what-about-me types, like that bean soup ordeal on tiktok with the woman posting herself making a bean soup and people in her comments asking "but what if I don't like beans" don't make it then? It's the same thing. Don't like the pairing? Don't interact with the content or creators. Truly it is that simple.

Thank you!! I agree with all of this. And it should be mutual for all parties. I’ve seen tags of gleeriel, ewriel, and in those tags is a BUNCH of vile hatred. I don’t understand it.

If you don’t like it, scroll past. It’s that simple and it always has been! Like you said, filter out tags, don’t comment unnecessary things, don’t hate on art, block people you would prefer not to interact with and vice versa, etc.

I was alive during the twilight era. And I honestly can’t compare it to this. Everyone already knew who endgame was because the books had been released. Everyone argued over the actors, not the actual characters. It was definitely a crazy time, but people weren’t receiving death threats, being insulted, being bullied off of social media, being doxxed, etc…

This fandom has gotten out of control. I truly don’t believe there’s anything to compare it to.

[hologramcowboy]

Hi there!

I enjoy reading your blog as I find you are very balanced, mature, and provide deeper than surface level exploration of the fandom and the actors.

I've been in this fandom for quite a long time and I've noticed out of all fandoms I've ever enjoyed, the parasocial relationships in this one seem to be the highest and, at times, destructive.

Do you have an opinion on why this is?

Sometimes I just come across things that appear very unhealthy among the fans.

Hi! Thank you so much for this thought provoking question. Ever since I started this blog I’ve been exposed to a lot of facets of fandom that can get quite scary and, at the end of the day, the people behind that lack of balance and hatred usually have their love of a celebrity as a main motivator. In other words, they will crush anything that moves if it contradicts the perfect image of their chosen one. So many fandom wars and conflicts have this at the basis. As if there is only one way to think, one way to be and one way to love.

It’s highly dangerous when people over-identify with a celebrity to the point of veering into erotomania is or other related psychological issues. From what I’ve researched on the behavioural psychology side, mania and similar states only happen when we choose to perceive people in a one sided view instead of appreciating the whole of them (flaws and all).

In the Supernatural fandom specifically, the love bond between the brothers transferred as an image unto Jensen and Jared and made them into iconic characters on their own. This is just my humble opinion, based on research I’ve done but most of fandom over-identifies with the two to the point of blurring the lines of reality. I’ve gotten DMs from people suffering from erotomania, for example.

If we look at hellers we see they so badly need people to validate their orientation that they project something that never was unto two characters that were meant to represent agape love through their connection and nothing more. This over-identification leads them warp reality and it also leads some of them to violent, abusive behaviours, not just towards fellow fans but especially towards the actors themselves. They completely ignore Jensen and Misha’s real life persona and push their agenda to the point of it becoming abusive. I don’t want to generalize, because some are able to enjoy their ships without harming others and while being respectful but I just wanted to give an example.

I know there’s some solid research out there that, simply through its theme, shows like Supernatural can cause/trigger mental issues. So it is my belief that the theme plus the brotherly bond + the chemistry between the leads created a cult like following. Let’s face it, Supernatural never was directorial or acting gold but what it did portray was a love that overcomes all things and deep emotional traumas people could identify with.

The danger of worshipping/admiring/loving anything to the extreme is that that creates a lack of balance in the brain, we no longer see positive and negative aspects but we cave to fantasies and become enslaved by their promise to the point of aggressively rejecting reality. I’ve seen all facets of fandom do this at some point or the other, even I sometimes view Jensen as too perfect and always rebalance my perceptions. What I’m trying to say is that falling into detrimental mental states within fandom can happen to anyone of us and that it would really help if we would talk about it and be open and showed compassion for one another.

This is the reason why I’ve often made posts about the dangers of fanaticism and how loving a celebrity should, never, ever, ever end up affecting your life or wellbeing. People lose sight of who they are, what they are here to offer the world and their goals because they are busy obsessing about how “hot” Danneel is or Jensen or Misha or whoever. It’s come to a point where Jensen fans viciously tear into each other over the silliest things simply because their one sided views keep them trapped in a fantasy.

People actually send hate messages to Jared asking him to end his life and they do this over a ship or their fav. They lose their humanity over an imaginary link they believe they have with their favorites. While it’s true that this happens in all fandoms it’s definitely more prevalent in the Supernatural fandom and, if I were to link it to anything, it would be precisely to the studies that have determined that shows with horror/supernatural themes are triggering for those with mental issues and may even cause mental issues in those who are balanced. I really wish people would write more in books and studies about the negative side of fandom, to bring it into the light and get to the core of it. I’m no expert and this is just my humble opinion based on my behavioural psychology research but one good exercise is this:

Take the celebrity that most makes you feel out of yourself and write on a piece of paper:

-all the qualities they have that make you go crazy

-now take each of those qualities and ask yourself honestly “where and when have I displayed this quality?” Do not stop until you find examples.

Then, if you are feeling extra brave, take another piece of paper, write all the aspects that annoy you or that you hate about said celebrity.

Next, ask yourself “Where in my life have I displayed this trait?” Don’t stop until you find examples.

It’s an extremely humbling exercise that helps rebalance the perceptions of the brain, it helps us realise that all we love about another also exists within us and the same goes for all we hate. No one is always kind, always perfect, we’re all mean sometimes, though we may not admit it to ourselves but, once we do, we activate the executive function of our brain and are able to truly appreciate people for who they are, flaws and all.

My call to action for you is to talk about the toxic things you notice, to express them and bring awareness because most fans are so caught up in their hatred they can’t see reality, they don’t even realise what they are doing. A good example of this are extremely hateful Jenneel stans who send me hate messages while claiming hating is wrong. They are so blind they can’t see that hatred they try to project hatred on me is actually practised by them through the very messages they send.

Another important aspect is boundaries that actors fail to set with fans, Danneel who pretends she ships Destiel just to encourage such fans despite knowing her husband hates Destiel and has said more than once it never existed, Misha who panders to everyone to the point of endangering his costars. It’s all about boundaries. Even Jensen complaining people talk about his personal life ( through that Cliff post), that’s his failure to set boundaries, if you want to be private BE private. There is absolutely nothing stopping these actors from creating healthy boundaries but most pander to whatever craziness the fans come up with despite feeling miserable about it.

I’ll stop here because this post got a mile long but I adore the conversation you started because it is such an important one and I would really love it if someone would write a book about all the fandom issues and how to stay safe and sane while enjoying fandom. Because fandom should be an excuse for joy, creativity and unity, not divisiveness and hatred.

I really hope others chime in and answer your question because it is a deeply important one. Thank you for asking it! 🧡

[rae-gar-targaryen]

I have a question about reblogging fics that I would love your opinion on as a writer… I admittedly rarely reblog fics, artwork or photos from the TGM fandom because it’s a side interest for me, and really doesn’t match the content on my blog. I hear you and many other fandom creators on this site talk about the importance of reblogging original content and I want to help by changing my behaviour. I’ve thought about creating a new blog to specifically support the TGM creators I love by reblogging their content, but worry that that isn’t a very helpful solution because the reblogs would probably go to a “dead end” and not be further shared past my blog. Does that seem like a reasonable solution to you, or is there a more helpful way I can take action? Thanks in advance for your guidance - I love your Mickey pieces and would hate to see you stop sharing your writing due to a perceived lack of interest!!

Hi, my darling! Thank you for this question, and for taking the time to write about this! I hope you didn't think I was ignoring you -- I've been thinking about how I want to answer and what I could suggest. I am by no means the premiere authority on this sort of thing, so I welcome my other writer friends to chime in. But here I go --

Firstly, thank you so much for your love of my content and wanting to help promote it/other writer's works. I also appreciate you being willing to step out of your comfort zone in order to benefit writers and creators on Tumblr. That's so kind and so important.

To some extent, I understand being known for certain content on your blog, and not wanting to disrupt your own content for your followers. I know some blogs are really fandom and aesthetically oriented. So I get that.

That said, one big point of reblogging is getting the material in front of new eyes, so if your OG blog has the numbers to help writers get seen, I can't express enough what that would mean to me, and to other writers to be shared to that forum.

It's no secret that one frustration I have with my own writing is that it never seems to "break through." I am fortunate to receive the positive feedback that I do, and one of the things I regularly hear is "this is so well-written!" And "why doesn't this have more notes?" I wish I knew -- the answer is that it could, if things didn't sit in the likes tab. And it sort of breaks my heart to read what is intended as a compliment that serves to remind me that my content is only reaching the eyes of whomever happens to be browsing the tag that day and few others.

That said, to your suggestion about creating a side blog/library blog and the concern that it would be a "dead end," you're right in that reblogging content into a dead blog or one that doesn't have many followers does not remediate the issue. So, my counter-question to you is -- are you willing to disrupt the flow/aesthetic of your main to either share fics, or to promote your side blog and encourage your followers to check it out/follow the writers you share to there? The latter may be more effort than you're willing to put in to the endeavor (and I certainly would never ask or expect anyone to bend over backward). And the former may not be what you're willing to do for the sake of what you're already sharing to your blog.

So -- if there's an answer, I'm not sure I have a clear one. I appreciate your willingness to share. And if you one day do, I know it would make that writer's day! It would certainly make mine.

And I'm not trying to guilt anything, but I can't tell you the number of times I've felt that looming cloud of discouragement because I look at the metrics and think, "well, that flopped." Because if people are silently reading and not saying anything, it may not be the case that my fics are flopping in that sense, but if that's true, I have no way of knowing. For me, an ask (I keep anon on for a reason), a comment reblog, tags, a comment, something that lets me know what someone enjoyed about my story?? Makes my entire day! I put so much thought into exactly how I want a sentence to sound. What I want the flow of a story to be. The vibe I want to convey. It's all intentional. And it can be heartbreaking when you feel like it resonated with no one.

If you're still reading this, thank you! Thank you for asking! Thank you for your patience and dedication to reading and hopefully sharing work! You have a few options, and I welcome others' suggestions. All my best to you, my love. And happy reading! I have so many fics planned for the coming months. 💜🌿☀️🌻✨

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

I’m taking a semi-hiatus

(LINK TO THE MASTERPOST)

The last few days weren’t the best for me, and I understand I went way too far with my criticisms of Adrien. While I felt like I needed to make my points clear, I am fully aware that my own personal bias got in the way, and in a way, made me no better than Astruc himself. I just feel like I need a little break from all the negativity surrounding the stuff I talk about.

This isn’t the end, however. Something I’ve been thinking about these past few months is starting a different sideblog focused more on tokusatsu, something I’m just as passionate about, and a topic I can be more positive making posts on. My plan is to start that side blog and run it for a few weeks to maybe a month or two, and hopefully by then, I can be in a better state of mind to talk about Miraculous Ladybug again.

Of course, you might have a few questions floating through your head about the future.

"Can you specify what you've genuinely regretted saying in the drama?"

Mainly just how hard I’ve been on Adrien and his fans compared to Marinette, showing some double standards on my part.

"What will be covered on your new sideblog?"

Tokusatsu shows. I’m still working on the specifics of it, but my plan is to cover stuff like Kamen Rider, Super Sentai, and Ultraman.

"Will things beyond tokusatsu be covered there as well?" 

Probably not. Maybe I’ll review a Precure season or two there, but tokusatsu is going to be the main subject there. It’s just something I’m a huge fan of.

"Will Miraculous Ladybug be mentioned there on occasion or do you wish to keep it out of the blog until further notice?" 

I might make a passing reference to it here and there (the current Super Sentai season also has a black animal-themed hero who’s unintentionally kept out of the loop, so there’ll probably be jokes there), but I’m not going to make any serious criticisms or potshots against the show.

"Are you still going to follow new episodes of Miraculous Ladybug during the hiatus or will those be avoided as well?"

I’ll probably keep up with them to take notes on before I come back, but I won’t outright be avoiding them.

"Will your inbox still be open?"

It will. When I come back, I plan to go through any asks I get.

"Will this mean that the Season 4 rewrite will be delayed?"

Unfortunately, yes. I’m sorry to anyone who was looking forward to it, but I feel like this is for the best.

"Are you sure you'll be able come back to doing IOTA? When or if the hiatus ends, what do you think you'll do with both blogs?"

I’ll probably focus on longer-term projects for the sideblog, like reviewing longer shows compared to the episode-by-episode reviews I do for Miraculous Ladybug.

"Should we do something about this debate you've gone through? "Shouldn't we call out Adrien fans for this?"

Please don’t. This was clearly my fault for snapping, and I don’t want to blame anyone for this. I made this decision based on snapping at Adrien fans, and I don’t want anyone else to make the same mistakes I did.

Just to be clear, this isn’t goodbye, and I’m not running away. I just need a little time to clear my head so I can be better at covering this kind of content.

[thaddeusthawne]

Thank You

Snowells Week 2023: Day 7: Year 7 (Snowells Appreciation Day)

So this is going to be a little different from the other days I will post for this week. I still have more to post but I’ve been a bit delayed due to personal reasons but they will be put out soon! That being said, I wanted to say thank you to everyone in this fandom.

In different ways you guys have inspired me to start creating things that most fandoms haven’t. Maybe it’s because most fandoms are so big and intimidating to join but for me, the snowells fandom has always been this safe place to interact with. Whether it’s everyone’s collective excitement over snowells related scenes or funny joke posts this fandom felt easy to enjoy and participate in.

Funny enough I didn’t start shipping snowells until I ran into my first fanfic for this ship. I knew about it because I had followed some snowells peeps on my old blog (deleted it and recreated a new main & this side blog) but I never really understood the fascination for it. However one night I remember just scrolling on tumblr and accidentally clicking on the wrong ao3 link. For the life of me I can’t remember what fic it was but that’s only because I ended up reading pretty much everything that I could find. This was around the time that the beginning of season 2 was airing if that helps give an idea of what I walking into in terms of the fandom content. I stayed up that night just reading, clicking on fics randomly. I finally understood. And then a short time later Harry saved Caitlin from Grodd and then in the next episode she saved him from a bullet.

I was hooked and excited at the possibility on them getting together and started to silently enjoy them. I looked forward to every possible scene and over the years I kept thinking “Maybe it might finally happen!”. It never did of course but it did give me a lot of ideas.

Then in 2019 I finally found the courage to make my own stuff. It was nerve-racking but I had seen other people’s works and ideas met with so much positivity that I felt brave enough to try. Then I started to post some things and I was like “They’re reblogging it? And liking it? And leaving comments in the tags? 😳🥹🥰”. It meant a lot to me back then and it still means so much to me now. While I still have moments of self doubt, I look back on where I started and how far I’ve come. I honestly don’t think I would have been able to do that in any other fandom.

This community allowed me a space to grow as a writer/creator. I still have room to grow, but being able to participate and get even a few comments really helped build up my confidence and motivated me to learn to improve my skills. I went from writing maybe a few paragraphs to starting to flesh things out way more and planning out more extensive stories. Even though the show is over, I still plan to keep writing for this ship. I’m going to miss this show and these characters but I am hopeful that this fandom will still stay a source of comfort for me and anyone else who might feel the same way.

And while this ship may not have sailed, it was still fun to party on the boat.

[jungilhoon]

from 2015 to 2023: a retrospective!

i’m mostly writing this for myself, but if you happen to take a look and even get something out of it, that’s cool too.

i started this blog in march 2015; it’s now december 2023. back then, i was still a student, reaching the end of my teen years and preparing to progress towards the next stage of my life. i’m now twenty-eight (birth year buddies with sungjae, let’s go).

to be honest, my main goal in life during that time – aside from surviving university and then finding a job – was basically to spread recognition of btob as much as i could lmao. it was as if my well-being depended on their happiness and success. i wanted to watch them succeed so bad, and i feel like their rise equated to some of the most exciting years of my life. they gave me something i thought i was missing, and i needed them. at the same time, i think i was experiencing a lot of difficulties during the years 2015-2017. btob became my escape and comfort that helped me get through that period. looking back, i could have been relying on them a bit too much, but they certainly brightened my world. for that, i’ll always be grateful.

one of my fondest memories will forever be seeing them live for the first time at their 2017 concert. being in the presence of the seven people i had been supporting so hard was profoundly touching. hearing fellow melodies singing their hearts out to ‘it’s okay’ alongside myself brought tears to my eyes.

anyway, as time passed and i started to spend less time online due to changing commitments offline, i began to notice changes in myself. i stopped posting here in 2019 for no significant reason other than that i had gotten busy, and i was finding myself genuinely enjoying life by then. i was discovering happiness in more ways than i had before, but btob stayed a part of me. they were my reliable friends, my found family – the ones i could come back to at any time. my home.

in late 2020 and 2021, i distanced myself for a while. i don’t think i ever fully processed the news back then. i might have even told myself that not paying attention and blocking it out would be for the best. i basically took a break, only checking in here and there. (4u ate up on kingdom.) i’ve naturally drifted away from people i knew back then, but i’ve also stayed close to a few. eventually, i found myself accepting the way things had become, albeit slowly. i still miss and care about ilhoon. i understand if he will never be a ‘public figure’ again. i think i can simultaneously acknowledge and hold both of these perspectives. every now and then, such as when i’d finished watching the btob time movie last week, i do feel sad about it. it’s hard to just get over it. yeah, i’m an adult, but so what.

my mindset has changed as i’ve gotten older. in the past, i was hostile and quick to react in the face of negativity. i was chaotic; i always wanted to prove a point. i guess i’ve calmed down a lot since then. i’m pretty mellow these days. on the whole, i’m not fond of spending too much time engaging with strangers or acquaintances online. truthfully, it did make me anxious then too. i kind of prefer just tossing things into the void, like this post, and quietly enjoying what i like. that’s why being active online the way i used to be doesn’t seem to work for me anymore. still, maybe with rose-tinted glasses, i miss those days i spent just waiting on the next btob update and having fun here. i scrolled through my archive for a while last night, riding on a rollercoaster of emotions.

what i actually mean by my mindset having changed though, is that i seem to view things in life more positively these days. i’ve somehow stopped being so pessimistic all the time. i found it difficult to look on the bright side when i was younger. i was colder, filled with dread, and eternally expecting the worst. as a person, i think i’ve become warmer, more appreciative. precious things can disappear just like that. i try to be thankful, in case it’s true that nothing gold can stay.

i’m undecided on if i’ll randomly appear with the odd post when i feel like it. there’s no harm in it, so perhaps! at present, what i want to say is that i still wholeheartedly love and support btob. always will. i have their season’s greetings pre-ordered. now that they’re out of cube, i’m so excited for what they might have in store next. i don’t know what it’ll be, but that’s okay. whatever it is, and even if it’s not what i’m expecting, i trust them. i’ll be proud of them. really! 비투비 예전에도 지금도 앞으로도 사랑해요! 🩵

(p.s. i impulsively bought hour moment photocards at 2am last night, so maybe i actually still need to relax.)

[slow-button-off]

There is a Wallstreet Journal article about the Vegas GP (paywall free archive version). 

And there’s some interesting bits in there but this quote below has brought on this rant about F1 and F1 engineering and fans in general. 

Netflix changed all of that. With a wildly popular show called “Drive to Survive,” which stripped away the technical parts of racing and replaced them with soap-opera intrigue, the sport cultivated an entirely new audience. New fans were younger, more diverse, and far more invested in the lives and personalities of the drivers than in tire compounds and wing angles. 

To preface my rant how you got into F1 does not matter at all. If that was DTS, if that was an edit of a driver on TikTok, if it was Instagram, if it was engineering, if it has always been a family activity or whatever it was, all of it is perfectly valid!

At the end of the day we are all here because we enjoy the sport. What brought us here doesn’t matter. 

You also don’t have to be super interested in the technical and engineering side of F1 that is also perfectly fine! You should enjoy the sport the way that you enjoy the sport. 

But to say that all the new fans don’t care about that is on one hand wrong but also idiotic. 

The engineering being such a focal point of F1 is what makes it unique. There is no other sport that is quite such an engineering competition. And instead of keeping that in mind and trying to find ways of making that huge part of the sport accessible to the new fans, the suggestion is to pretend it doesn’t matter. 

And F1 itself via FOM is also moving in that direction with less practice sessions and more sprints and all that. 

My asks are a super small sample size, but considering that this is Tumblr and considering Tumblrs main demographic it does show that there is interest in these topics. 

But instead of making the more technical and engineering things more accessible to fans via the broadcast or other great official resources it’s so often written off as “too complicated”. I have an issue with that attitude wrt STEM in general, but you have a sport that brings people in via whatever it was but then some of these people show an interest in understanding how the cars and all that works and instead of taking them along they get told it’s too complicated. 

It really isn’t. All of these concepts can be presented in a way that everybody can understand. But people have to find their own resources. And then they hit the next wall because while there is so much good and sometimes very in depth technical resources out there the threshold of prior knowledge you have to have can be pretty high. And if you aren’t super technically inclined that can be a massive turn off. 

But instead of using that interest that is definitely there and trying to use it in a positive manner we’re essentially being told young women don’t care about all that (because lbr that's the fans they are referring to). 

BUT THEY DO! (obvs not every single one because -> not a monolith) But there is interest! 

One massive issue is that, and I have seen that on my blog, people are scared to ask. On one hand because they are scared to not understand or scared to look stupid (which you do not!)

The amount of aks I get about more technical things that are prefaced with “I’m really new sorry” is insane! And really sad because it shouldn’t matter! Whether you’re new or you’ve been here for 20+ years if you want to learn more and have questions don’t feel ashamed to ask! 

Or even when I post a plot and I’ve been lazy and not explained everything super well or something is unclear, people are always so apologetic when they ask for more info and that makes me so angry at the world. 

Watch this derail into a rant about STEM education and sexism now. (tbf that one sentence is a bit sexist anyway)

Anyway, the interest exists, it just gets shamed into silence to a certain extent. And pretending they all don’t care and pretending that it’s all too complicated is doing everybody but also the sport itself a massive disservice. Just give people a place to start so they can then venture off into their own research rabbit holes if that’s what they feel like doing.