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soleminisanction · 6 months

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I got a bee in my bonnet and spent last night crunching these numbers to confirm a long-held suspicion of mine, and now I'm going to do something with them even if it's only interesting to me. So.

I went through and tallied up all of the fics AO3 currently (as of 3/27/24) has under the tags "Trans Tim Drake," "Nonbinary Tim Drake," "Genderfluid Tim Drake" and "Genderqueer Tim Drake," since I figured that cast a wide enough net without committing myself to reading every fic vaguely tagged Trans Character to figure out which character they were talking about.

I then did the same for Dick, Jason, Damian and Bruce and, after comparing those numbers against each other and against the total number of fics each character has under their general tag, followed up with Duke, Babs, Cass, Steph and Kate, and then Kon, Cassie, and Bart for good measure.

The results confirm the suspicions I was going into check and are really interesting, to me at least:

Despite having far fewer stories overall than Jason, Bruce or Dick, Tim has by far the most stories tagging him under the trans umbrella (653 out of 58,395) and is the only member of the Bats for whom at least one full percent of his stories fall under that category (1.12% to be exact.) He actually has more total trans stories than Jason and Damian combined (308 out of 71,120 and 255 out of 42,607, equaling 0.43% and 0.59%, respectively) and outstretches the 2nd place ranker, Dick, by over a hundred (who clocks in at 438 out of 79,057 -- 0.55%). Bruce amusingly has by far the most stories overall (90,305) but the fewest trans stories (185) for the lowest percentage among the boys (0.2%).

The only one who comes anywhere close to matching Tim percentage-wise is Bart, who has far fewer stories to his name but a ratio of 62 out of 5,717 for 1.08%. I was thinking maybe Young Justice might have a higher percentage than the Bats due to their strong queer fandom but that only really proved true for Bart, with both Cassie and Kon coming in at only 0.2% and 0.28% trans umbrella percentage respectively (actual count 6 out of 2,874 and 39 out of 13,746).

Cassie's numbers correspond with the fact that women just, do not get a lot of these stories, at all, even compared to the general lack of attention they're paid by fanfiction spheres in general. Steph and Kate both clocked in at falling 0.17% under the trans umbrella (29 out of 16,638 for Steph, 5 out of 2,897 for Kate); Cass got 0.13% (21 out of 15,769) and Babs only 0.07%, the lowest percentage out of anyone I calculated for (11 out of 15,785). Duke's showing was a respectable 0.55% (34 out of 6,166) which puts him about even with the rest of the boys.

All of which I just went through to confirm a gut instinct I've had for a while: even in light of the noticeable trend in fandom towards increased visibility for trans and other queer-gendered people over the last decade and a half or so, it's a notable Thing for the DC comics fandom to explore with Tim Drake in specific.

And that doesn't even take into account things like the over 200 "Tim Drake is Catlad | Stray" fics, which almost always have some element of queered gender or at least femme'd sexuality to them, far outstripping any of the other Robin boys' spins in that AU (those counts stand at, respectively: Damian - 11, Dick - 33, Jason - 79, Tim - 242). Or the 11 fics logged under the "Tim Drake is Batgirl" tag, a category that doesn't even exist for any of the other male Robins.

(What makes that last one extra hilarious to me that most people don't know one canonical version of Tim has been a member of the Batgirls.) Part of me wants to use that parenthetic detail as a segway to ramble about the various canon snippets I think probably contributed to this, from Tim being presented as "the pretty one" who most often gets the "looks like his mother" comments to the fact that he is the only male Robin who's ever cross-dressed for an undercover mission and even though it only happened once the Internet will never forget Caroline Hill.

But this post is long enough as it is and I don't really have a point beyond I think this is interesting and cool so I'm going to leave off here for now and put my numbers under a cut so people have the raw data to look at if they'd like to.

TL;DR - Based on the numbers, the internet believes Tim Drake is more likely to be trans than any other member of the Bat-family or Young Justice, and I think that has interesting implications about his character and fandom. It's neat.

Data Taken: 3/27/24

Tim Drake: 58,395 Trans Tim Drake: 513 Nonbinary Tim Drake: 46 Genderfluid Tim Drake: 89 Genderqueer Tim Drake: 5

Dick Grayson: 79,057 Trans Dick Grayson: 399 Nonbinary Dick Grayson: 15 Genderfluid Dick Grayson: 23 Genderqueer Dick Grayson: 1

Jason Todd: 71,120 Trans Jason Todd: 286 Nonbinary Jason Todd: 17 Genderqueer/Genderfluid Jason Todd: 5 (4 have both tags and are the only ones tagged Genderqueer Jason Todd)

Damian Wayne: 42,607 Trans Damian Wayne: 215 Nonbinary Damian Wayne: 37 Genderfluid Damian Wayne: 3 Genderqueer Damian Wayne: 0

Bruce Wayne: 90,305 Trans Bruce Wayne: 180 Nonbinary Bruce Wayne: 5 (2 also tagged Trans Bruce Wayne) Genderfluid Bruce Wayne: 1 Genderqueer Bruce Wayne: 1

Total Trans Umbrella Tim Drake: 653 Total Trans Umbrella Dick Grayson: 438 Total Trans Umbrella Jason Todd: 308 (313 if you count the GQ tag separately) Total Trans Umbrella Damian Wayne: 255 Total Trans Umbrella Bruce Wayne: 185 (187)

Percentage Trans Umbrella Tim Drake: 1.12% (1.11825) Percentage Trans Umbrella Dick Grayson: 0.55% (0.55403) Percentage Trans Umbrella Jason Todd: 0.43% (0.43307 or 0.44010) Percentage Trans Umbrella Damian Wayne: 0.59% (0.59849) Percentage Trans Umbrella Bruce Wayne: 0.2% (0.20466)

----

Duke Thomas: 6,166 Trans Duke Thomas: 20 Nonbinary Duke Thomas: 14 Genderfluid Duke Thomas: 0 Genderqueer Duke Thomas: 0

Barbara Gordon: 15,785 Trans Barbara Gordon: 11 Nonbinary Barbara Gordon: 0 Genderfluid Barbara Gordon: 0 Genderqueer Barbara Gordon: 0

Cassandra Cain: 15,769 Trans Cassandra Cain: 15 Nonbinary Cassandra Cain: 6 Genderfluid Cassandra Cain: 0 Genderqueer Cassandra Cain: 0

Stephanie Brown: 16,638 Trans Stephanie Brown: 27 Nonbinary Stephanie Brown: 2 Genderfluid Stephanie Brown: 0 Genderqueer Stephanie Brown: 0

Kate Kane (DCU): 2,897 Trans Kate Kane: 4 Nonbinary Kate Kane: 0 Genderfluid Kate Kane: 1 Genderqueer Kate Kane: 0

Total Trans Umbrella Duke Thomas: 34 Total Trans Umbrella Barbara Gordon: 11 Total Trans Umbrella Cassandra Cain: 21 Total Trans Umbrella Stephanie Brown: 29 Total Trans Umbrella Kate Kane: 5

Percentage Trans Umbrella Duke Thomas: 0.55% (0.55141) Percentage Trans Umbrella Barbara Gordon: 0.07% (0.06968) Percentage Trans Umbrella Cassandra Cain: 0.13% (0.13317) Percentage Trans Umbrella Stephanie Brown: 0.17% (0.17429) Percentage Trans Umbrella Kate Kane: 0.17% (0.17259)

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Bart Allen: 5,717 Trans Bart Allen: 40 Nonbinary Bart Allen: 20 Genderfluid Bart Allen: 1 Genderqueer Bart Allen: 1

Cassie Sandsmark: 2,874 Trans Cassie Sandsmark: 4 Nonbinary Cassie Sandsmark: 2 Genderfluid Cassie Sandsmark: 0 Genderqueer Cassie Sandsmark: 0

Total Trans Umbrella Kon-El: 39 Total Trans Umbrella Bart Allen: 62 Total Trans Umbrella Cassie Sandsmark: 6

Percentage Trans Umbrella Kon-El: 0.28% (0.28371) Percentage Trans Umbrella Bart Allen: 1.08% (1.08448) Percentage Trans Umbrella Cassie Sandsmark: 0.2% (0.20876)

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dashofmonsters · 9 months

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Dreamers & Delusions- Pt. 3

merman x female reader

You wake up feeling slightly smothered. You pry an eye open to be met with taut tan skin. You groan remembering what happened last night knowing damn well you'll have to really clean the kitchen since that sauce is probably stuck in that pot. That and you'll most likely have to calm Tao down.

You squirm just enough to dislodge yourself from Tao's arms only to see his face twist as his eyes flutter awake.

He stares at you blankly for a minute before he flies out of the bed like a scared cat, landing on his feet before falling on his ass with a hard thud. Tao stutters as he tries to apologize, his expression a mix of embarrassment, fear, and anger.

"Woah woah, hey! Everything's fine! You kind of blanked out last night while eating but nothing happened! You're good ok? Tao hey look at me, deep breaths man! Come on, it's fine," you try to calm him down while sitting next to him.

Tao scoots away and tries to catch his breath, "I, you asked me... You asked me to keep my hands to myself though. I-I-I still should be held accountable for-"

"Dude, that's just an expression for keeping your hands out of my pants. Like don't try to come onto me..." you wave your hand in a circle hoping he'd get it but nothing. "You know, sexually? Which you did not by the way. Cuddling can be platonic and that's all that happened right? So we're good!"

His brows furrow and he nods. He still doesn't seem convinced that he did nothing wrong as he balls up on himself.

"Really," you start, a bit more softer. "Nothing happened. I'm fine and to be honest, that was probably the best nights sleep I've had in forever. The purring was unexpected though."

You giggle but Tao buries his face in his hands looking like an embarrassed girl who just confessed to her crush.

"Oh come on man, I'm just trying to lighten the mood! I won't tell anyone that you can purr. I will take this bit of horrific terrible no good information to the grave ok? Just stop collapsing in on yourself like a black hole," you scootch to sit next to him and try to pry one of his arms away.

He loosens up and peers up over his arms at you, "Just for the love of the goddesses never mention the purring again. Ever, even between us. It's embarrassing even though it's normal, it's just not talked about."

Your heart flutters because he honest to god looks adorable being all embarrassed and you have to really really stop yourself from patting his head. Taking a deep breath you nod.

"Got it, cultural thing. Won't bring it up again, breakfast," you ask, quickly changing the subject.

Tao nods and awkwardly gets himself back into a standing position before helping you up. You look down the hall and across the way to the living room to make sure no one else is here. The likelihood that your grandmother would be back yet is slim but not entirely impossible.

When you see that the coast is clear you head to the kitchen with Tao in tow. He sticks close by, looking around concerned.

"You alright buddy?" you ask.

"I- I don't know, I don't really remember much from last night aside from running here and you inviting me inside and then things started to get blurry," he turns this way and that while sniffing the air trying to piece together what might have happened.

"Well you were practically drooling while I was on cooking, went into a feeding frenzy and then you were kind of like on auto pilot mode. What was that about," you walk him through what you remember and you hear a slap.

You look up at Tao who's large hand is covering his face.

"You saw me eat," he asks, sounding absolutely mortified.

"Yeah, no big deal though. You were hungry right? I was just happy that you were ok with my cooking. I would have tried it myself but medium rare chicken isn't quite safe for human consumption. Sauce was tasty though," you shrug.

Tao looks at you like you smacked him instead, "You weren't disgusted?"

"Should I have been? I mean the extra row of teeth was a surprise and all but I've seen worse. I work at a diner mind you and I've seen grown ass men eat mashed potatoes with their grubby unclean hands. Now that is gross," you cross your arms.

You've told Tao time and time again that you're pretty open minded when it comes to the cultural differences between you and he. It's taken quite a bit to convince him that he doesn't have to hide his arm and leg fins while working, no one cares. In fact, it gives him more edge and the kids take him more seriously.

Tao still looks distraught but he stands just a bit taller.

Right... the fair folk are about give and take. I guess that applies for some merfolk to.

"Fine, if you feel like you gotta do something to make up for last night, you can help me with the dishes. Is that fair," you point to the skillet and the variable dishes in different states of disgusting.

He straightens up real quick and gets to work. While he does that you work on breakfast. It's simple and nothing crazy like you made last night but it has Tao glancing over your shoulder ever so often. He asks what your making and what seasonings you're using.

Eventually the dishes are done and the both of you are comfortably eating breakfast while talking about food and cooking. He enjoys Mediterranean style cooking and isn't much into sweets except anything coffee flavored. He also loves sashimi but hates sushi. You did notice his favorite recipes don't include anything with nori.

"So are you planning on being a life guard full time or is it just while you're acclimating," you ask between bites of pancake.

Tao rolls his head back and groans, "I've tried to think of what I'd want to do but nothing translates well with the jobs I could have had in my shoal. Being a life guard was the closest option to what I could of been."

"I see, so limited job options for you people," you nod.

"More like limited to half breeds like myself," he sighs and looks down at his plate.

You don't press or ask what he means because you'd never pry, that was something he said he appreciated about you. You gave him the space and time to talk about things like he did with you now.

"My mother is from my birth shoal but my father well he was from a different and more smaller shoal. These," he points to the bands on his arms and to the black streaks in his hair. "These are proof that I'm not just of my mother's kind. I'm considered an outcast. I had one chance to stay in my shoal but I refused to take it and for that I was banished."

The pain in his voice is unbearable and heartbreaking. He must miss his family and to be banished from the only life you've ever know must hit hard.

"I couldn't do what they were asking," he continues, his voice choking. "My mother had lost both my father and my brother's father. Two mates!" He stops and looks up at you with wide eyes looking like he's in terrible horrible pain. "She lost them and I couldn't kill my own brother just to stay in that goddess forsaken shoal!"

Your heart stops for a moment and then you're on your feet walking towards him.

"I couldn't do it! And I-I don't even know why I'm telling you this just fo-"

You wrap your arms around him and give him the best hug that you can. You feel him stiffen for a second only for his body to go limp once you start patting his back.

"You're just feeling a lot, I get it. Let it all out man, I won't judge," you coo, still patting him.

Tao is still for a moment longer before pulling you in closer and quietly crying against you chest. You feel him shake as he lets what could be years and years of silent suffering go. His nails dig into your back and although it's a little uncomfortable you know that holding in that much hurt is more painful.

"I couldn't do it..." he mutters again and again, the feelings of loss overcoming him.

"I know, and you spared your mother such a horrible thing. She must know you're alright. Even though you're far apart she still loves you. You're brother will be her constant reminder of your bravery. You chose right. And I know sometimes the right things are the hard things believe me I know, but you did right and your mother knows it. She might not be here to say it so I will, I'm proud of you and lucky to have such a good friend," you say, comforting him as you now rub circles on his back.

Tao holds you tighter and you can hear the muffled cry he tries to hold back.

"Let it all out. I'm here for you," you continue to comfort him as he cries his heart out to you.

~~~~~

After a while Tao eventually calms down but passes out on the couch. You toss a blanket over him and check your phone.

"You grandmother is spending another night here. She raided my mini bar and got drunk off her ass. Enjoy your alone time, I know you need it," Gayle texted you thirty minutes ago.

You sigh in relief and tidy up the half eaten breakfast you and Tao had.

Deciding now is the perfect time to do nothing, you do just that and get back to being lazy. You stretch back out onto the recliner and scroll through your phone while Tao takes it power nap. It's a comfortable kind of quiet you've gotten used to.

A text pings and you check it real quick and frown.

"Jsut gettin out of teh rehanb an I thoubt I see how yor doin. Callme," your mother texts you.

You don't know how or why she has your new number but you never wanted to talk to her again. Or at the very least for a long long time. She was one of the few people who made living in your hometown a living hell. She was the town druggy and you were her daughter. You and your siblings were targeted for causing trouble even though you never caused any all for being her kids.

It got so bad that your brother went into inpatient therapy and your sister ran away. You haven't heard from her in six years. Your older brother tried his best but it was hard to take care of a group of kids when he was still in high school. He tried to take you and your younger brother away but got incarcerated for kidnapping.

After a few months in the county jail he was released but never came back until a couple years ago. He took your mom to court where you and your younger brother testified against your mom. She played the pitiful me and my hard life card and got away with a year in jail and one in rehab.

You consider calling her to cuss her out but decide it's not worth your time or effort. You roll your eyes and decide to let your silence speak for itself.

"You're upset, what's wrong," you hear Tao as he sits up with glorious bed hair and his eyes puffy and red.

"How can you tell," you set your phone down and glare.

Tao points to his nose, "I can smell emotions. Anger usually smells sharp and rotten like spoiled milk."

"Oh, well yeah. I am pissed but not at you. Just something... someone texted me and I don't want to talk to them. Ever," you cross your arms and look down.

Tao sits himself up right and folds the throw blanket. He doesn't press but waits to see if you'll continue or dismiss the subject.

"It was my mom," you start. "Her and I aren't on speaking terms. She ruined my life. My brothers, sister, and I suffered because she was always looking for that next high and we were know for being the druggy lady's kids. It sucked ass!"

He nods and walks over to you and sits back down and his eyes meet yours. Gently he takes your hand and starts rubbing circles on top of it with his thumb.

"And now she-she thinks she can just act like nothing happened! She's all like, 'I'm out of rehab, call me!'. Fuck. No," you tighten up but then feel yourself being tugged into Tao's arms as he gives you a great big bear hug.

He pats your back like you did for him and you feel yourself melting into a puddle of tears.

Tao doesn't speak but he doesn't need to. You know him doing this much is well, a lot. You eventually calm down though but he still holds you, tighter and tighter like he doesn't want to let go.

"My dad left when I was a like nine after he found out mom was getting some stuff from the other realm. She wasn't too into at first since it was hard to get ahold of but she got worse. The easier it was to get the more she got and she worse she was. For fucks sake I came home from school one day and she was hanging upside down midair with a nosebleed from hell! No one should have to grow up like that," you groan as you slump in Tao's arms.

He shakes and his hold on you tightens, "No, you shouldn't have had to have gone through that."

"All I wanted was a normal life! Is that too much to ask for," you pull back a little and look at Tao while tears continue to fall.

The whites of his eyes are black again and his expression is blank as he thumbs away a tear, "You are here now and far from the people who hurt you. Don't let them win by grieving over what they had done to you."

At that you nod, trying your hardest to stop crying because you know he's right. Things always got worse when you cried at what your bullies said or did.

"You're right," you sniffle and wipe your face with your sleeve.

Tao gives you a minute to collect yourself before helping you stand. You feel a little dizzy but relieved to have gotten that off your chest. You hadn't realized how much it had bothered you, how much it really had effected you until the past dug itself up out of the grave. It had been years since you last saw your mother. Her stay at rehab kept getting extended thanks to your brother, but now she's out and she has your number.

A shiver of fear runs up your spine but you try to keep yourself together. Tao pats your head and it's so odd and weird you can't help but to laugh.

"Thanks for hearing me out," you start. "I haven't gotten to vent about all that in years."

Tao looks down at you and nods, "You are my friend and you had done the same for me. I have not felt such relief myself in years. Thank you for that."

"So what do you want to do now? We had our feels fest and all," you laugh a little awkwardly, still not sure how to feel about what just happened.

Tao moves to the nearest window and peers outside and sighs, "It's still raining but not as bad. I should go home soon, I feel as if I might over stay my welcome."

"Nonsense, and besides my grandmother got stark drunk again so I get another free night! How about I teach you some more humany things," you grin at him.

He glares at you, "The last humany thing you taught me was human alcohol and it tasted like liquified rotten crab. I will politely pass."

You double over laughing as you remember his reaction to giving him his first sip of beer. You're not much of a beer drinker yourself but Jessica came with you that evening to check out Tao and well, you both got a little carried away. Tao took a sip and his face was priceless! It looked like he was eating sour candy while sipping rotten milk.

"I promise no human booze will be involved ok," you place your hand over your heart and give him your best puppy eyes.

His glaring continues, "None at all?"

"Not even a drop," you nod.

Tao looks outside again and groans, "Very well, I guess I could stand to learn more human concepts."

~~~~~

You decided to introduce Tao to some of your favorite cooking shows and the guy was practically glued to the TV. You hadn't expected it to go over as well as it did but he got enthralled.

Somewhere along the line you offered to cook again but this time he wanted to help. At first you thought it would be strange to work with him in the kitchen considered the height difference but it was the best time you've had cooking with anyone. Everything went fantastically smooth, from the prep work to the mixing and cooking. Neither of you said anything but knew what to do the second you said what you wanted to make. It was like a dance that ended in the most delicious rice dish you've ever made.

For the first time ever you saw Tao genuinely smile and it made you feel all sorts of things. His eyes, so strange compared to yours practically glowed. You admitted that he was attractive before but him smiling added a whole new level.

Tao notices you staring as he shovels a bite in his mouth, "Is something wrong?"

You blink and shake your head, "No, nothing. You just look happy."

His shoulders slump and he sighs, but he's still got a bit of that smile on his face. "I guess I feel a somewhat happy. I know I feel lighter, less weighed down by my past."

"Good food, good rest, and a good cry session tends to help. Followed by more rest and food," you smile.

"I do feel oddly better. I am lucky to have such a good friend then," Tao smiles at you and goes back to shoveling food into his mouth.

You feel like crying all over again from all these feelings.

~~~~~

After your late lunch, you end up passing out while Tao continues to watch cooking shows. You have no idea how long you're out for but you wake up in the guest room lovingly tucked into bed.

You smell something amazing and sit up and rub your eyes. You follow the sent of heaven to the kitchen and see Tao plating something that makes your mouth water.

"You were out for nearly seven hours," he comments.

You grumble an apology but notice he's not upset.

"You probably needed it like I did after I told you about my banishment. Here," he hands you a plate and fork.

Without hesitation you take a bite and do a happy food dance, "Oh my gods Tao! This is fucking amazing!"

You stab at the food and stuff your face, "Sho fricken good!"

And then for the first time ever you hear him laugh.

If his smile made you feel things his laugh sealed the deal. Yup, you have a certified grade A level one school girl crush on him. But that's it, he's still just your friend. Nothing more.

"Dude, whenever or whoever you decide to court is going to be one lucky lady! Fuck this is good!" you point at him with your fork before digging in again.

Tao's eye whites turn black again and you're starting to wonder if it's some weird thing to do with food. It's not an allergy because you learned the other day merfolk don't have those, they just get dry skin problems. You shrug it off since if it's not something he's mentioned or talked about then you probably shouldn't bring it up, like the purring.

"You think my cooking is good enough to win a mate," he asks you very seriously.

"Hell yeah, and if you get turned down it's not your fault. She obviously would lack any taste and thinks ramen noodles with mayo is better. Dude I would sell my soul to eat your cooking everyday," you tell him while laying waste to the last bits of food on your plate.

Tao blushes and nods as he gives you a strange look. You're probably imagining it you tell yourself because there's just no way a guy friend would look at you so intensely. You convince yourself it's just your silly little crush and get over it.

~~~~

After eating and watching more TV the both of you turn in for the night. Tao looked like he wanted to ask you to cuddle with him again but kept his mouth shut. It was for the best you tell yourself that he didn't ask since it would have only fed into your silly crush even more so.

When you both get up which was oddly at the same time you both eat a light breakfast. Tao notices the lack of rain and says a very fast but kind farewell. He said he's worried that the house he's renting might be in a bit of disrepair after that storm and zipped off.

You have to get ready for work anyway and would rather be gone before your grandmother comes back. You pack up your backpack you take to work and shimmy into your favorite light jacket and head out.

The diner your work at is a pleasant thirty minute walk away. It gives you time to get some fresh air and just not think about things. Unfortunately you can't stop fucking thinking about Tao.

The entire walk there you think about Tao and his stupid handsome smile. The entire morning shift you think about Tao and his stupid amazing laugh. The entire lunch break you think about Tao and his stupid awesome delicious food.

"It's not fucking fair," you grumble as you angrily clean off a booth in your section for the third time.

"I told you," Jessica gloats.

"It's just a stupid fucking crush dammit, it'll pass," you roll your eyes and slap the rag down.

"Yeah sure, you keep telling yourself that," Jes grins.

"Come on you're supposed to help me here," you beg as you slump your shoulders and pout.

Jes grabs you and gives you a hug, "Oh I know it's so hard baby girl, it's just a silly crush on a devastatingly handsome merman and you just can't control your feelings but it'll pass. He's just so nice and no guy has treated you so well and you're just so lonely."

Jessica pats your head and you slouch in her arms, "It's just a silly stupid crush right?"

"Of course it is," she shooshes you and pulls back. "Now chin up and kick ass today. We're getting off early and going drinking down at that horrible merman's beach so we can be his problems."

~~~~~

Jessica drove the both of you to Tao's beach where he was already hot on some sleezebags tail who was bothering some ladies.

"He seems busy, lets get fucked up and make matters worse," Jes grins.

"I just want a buzz and to forget that I have a crush on him," you swing your bag off your shoulder and glare at the beach chair you usually sit in.

"You're hanging with me today. I got an extra beach towel girl," she shows you her pack and starts laying everything out.

Tao is unusually busy today chasing after crazy kids and fishermen who keep getting a bit too drunk. You almost feel bad after you tip back your second wine cooler, almost.

The weird mushy crush feelings have been tampered down by the light buzz and all you want to do is go swimming now. You stand and stretch and head towards the water. You think you hear Tao call out to you but you're not really sure as you swim further out.

You suddenly see a large shark fin in front of you and kick towards it thinking it's Tao until your foot is met with rubbery skin. You quickly sober up and push away from the creature but you see the shark starting to surface as you try to swim away. You feel a hard tug on your arm thinking it's Tao only to be disappointed when you feel a hand grope your chest as they pull you closer.

You struggle out of their arms and turn to see the large shark before you. Your heart stops thinking that this is it until a large fist punches the shark in the face. The creep who had been holding you lets go and splashes as they swim away. You're too stunned to move and just float there as you watch Tao beat up a shark.

You hear him yell at you as he picks you up and swims back to the beach. You hear him tell people to get out of his way. You hear him threaten the man who copped a feel when you were trying to swim away from the shark. You hear him lecture Jes who apologizes to the both of you. You hear him lecture you as he sets you down on the beach chair and tells you not to move.

Jessica brings you some water that you drink and wraps you up her extra beach towel. You start to sob and she does the best to console you but it hurts. You did something stupid and now Tao is mad at you and you think he probably hates you.

She offers to bring you home but Tao tells her to leave you be and he'll escort you home once you're fully sober and his shift is over.

Jes doesn't argue and packs up her bag and leaves.

~~~~~~~~

Tao:

I don't understand why she ignored me when I told her there were sharks in the water. Is her hearing worsened when she drinks that human alcohol?

I should really push to getting those drinks banned from my beach. Humans act too strange when they drink it.

My strange human friend is asleep on the beach chair I bought her. Her eyes are puffy now and she's wrapped up in a towel her older friend Jessica brought her.

I might have been too hard on the both of them but I was angry. My friend put herself in grave danger and almost died because a human male tried to... I feel that rage again when I saw what he was doing. I wanted to rip him apart or let that shark eat him while I swam away with my friend.

Such violence does not pass in this world and would probably upset her.

I watch as the last family packs up their belongings and heads to their vehicle. I wait a few minutes and grab my shoulder bag and her backpack and sling the on.

My friend is in a deep sleep, probably still in shock about the shark... and the way I yelled at her.

She does not deal with being yelled at well and she even told me this but I couldn't help it. I almost lost her, my only friend. Without her, I have no shoal here.

I pause and realize that some part of me has accepted this human as one of my own. That must be why I am overly protective of her, she is all I have as family or friend.

With that resolve I carefully pick her up. She shifts in my arms and settles as I hold her close. She smells like the ocean and the flowers that decorate the small grocery store I frequent. It is a pleasant scent.

I walk her home and knock on the door. I am greeted by a small elderly woman with bouncy curls and large glasses. This must be her grandmother.

She sizes me up which makes me feel oddly small under her scrutinizing glare. I stand a bit taller and fix my posture as she nods and welcomes me inside. I feel like I should act like I haven't been here before as she escorts me to the room with the television. She asks me to lay down my friend on the couch that I napped on while here.

"So, how is it that you two know each other," her grandmother asks me, her eyes sizing me up once more.

"Are you her... boyfriend?" she raises her brows as she sits down on the reclining chair.

I am not quite sure what she is asking. I am a man not a boy but maybe that has to do with my gender. I am a male so that must qualify as the same thing right?

I nod, "Yes, I am."

The elderly woman smiles and places her hand on her heart, "Oh you have to tell me how you two met then."

And at her request I do.

~~~~~~~

You're in your bed when you wake up and still in your swim suit. You don't remember how you got home or anything but you do remember Tao and the beach and oh god!

You shoot up out of bed and run to shower off the beach and throw something on. You run past your grandmother who tried to ask you about something but you can't hear her.

Today is Tao's off day, you know that since he's always bringing you a print out of his schedule. You never go to the beach on his off days, you can't trust the other life guard like you can Tao.

So if not the beach...

Right, he said he's usually shopping for the week on his off day.

You make a beeline to the shopping center a mile away from your grandmother's house and book it.

You have to apologize to him today no matter what. As you come up to the stores you try the little grocery shop with flowers decorating the outside. The lady at the register welcomes you in and you give her a quick smile before someone tall catches you eyes.

You weave your way towards the back and catch him by the arm.

"Tao! Oh god, I am so so sorry about yesterday," you tell him as he turns to look at you.

He looks stunned for a moment and then of course he nods, "You were under the influence of that human beverage. Please be more cautious next time."

You feel a crazy amount of relief then and nearly cry, "So you're not mad at me? You don't hate me?"

Tao stiffens up and looks embarrassed for a moment, "No, of course not. I was mad but not at you. That poor excuse of a male who nearly got you killed is the one I was mad at. I could not hate you, I was just concerned for your well being and let my emotions get the better of me. And for that, I am sorry. You told me you shut down when you're yelled at and I... I will try to not do that again."

"Thank you for rescuing me too, I was being stupid because I was going through something and well yeah. I'm sorry for that too," you shrug.

"We both made mistakes," he says.

"Yeah, like that," you point down to what should be the most illegal thing in the whole wide world, socks and leather sandals. In fact as you look him over in his regular none life guard outfit he looks like someone's dad from the 90s. The fanny pack doesn't help.

And yet I'm still attracted to this hot mess express!

"What is wrong with my attire," he looks himself up and down.

"Nothing, just try not to ever wear socks and sandals again. It looks really silly ok," you crinkle your nose but smile.

"I see, thank you for the advice. So you are not upset with me for yelling at you," he asks with his own brand of puppy dog eyes.

"Nah, I'm over it. How about you, we good," you ask.

"The past is in the past, we both made errors and will learn from them," he nods.

"Yeah. Friends still?" you smile nervously.

"Of course," he agrees then raises a brow. "By the way, what is a boyfriend?"

"I guess you could say they're a male romantic partner that isn't quite serious but could be eventually. I guess you could say they're the only suitor allowed to court the female. Something like that I guess," you give him your best interpretation. "Why? Keep hearing it on the beach?"

"No... your grandmother asked me if that is what I was to you when I took you home last night," Tao looks away from your nervously.

There's some long awkward silence that hangs in there air between the both of you that just swing along with the garlic and peppers.

"Tao... What did you tell her," you ask, crossing your arms.

He inhales sharply.

"Tao," you ask again. "What did you tell my grandmother?"

"I uh... I said yes," he finally admits.

#monster boyfriend #monster x girl #monster x human #monster x reader #monster lover #merman #Tao the merman #merman x reader #monster romance #merman boyfriend #monster love #merman x female reader #monster boyfriend oc #monster bf #slow burn #slow burn romance

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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AITA for not telling my partners I'm a system?

💚🐻

To preface this, I don't use Tumblr and I'm using my partner's account, so I would rather ask this anonymously. Forgive any non-tumblr-isms 😅.

This happened a while ago, but to be honest I can't let this go. I feel so horrible about it despite being reassured and I figured Tumblr, who has a lot of systems/people with DID/OSDD, would be able to give me an unbiased (as much as I can give an unbiased account, anyway) answer.

I, (24M), am a system with one headmate, P, (??). (Neither of us are sure how old he is, since it seems to change on the day). I don't want to get into exactly how I got him, but I believe the term for what we are is "traumagenic"? Sorry, again, I'm not really familiar with everything.

Anyway, I've had him since I was 8, and he's been... well, a real pain in the ass, to be frank. I understand now that he's a defender by nature and was trying to protect us, but when you get expelled from middle school for several physical attacks and almost get sent to juvie you start to resent the guy a bit. He's a bit like a sleeping bear, except if the sleeping bear had one eye open and killed you before you could hurt him.

Back when I got out of my abuser's house and went no contact at age 20, I moved in with my current partners, Bonfire (24M) and Greenhouse (25NB) (names changed for privacy, obviously.) At the time I didn't know them, but they were looking for another roommate and I desperately needed somewhere to live.

So I moved in with just the clothes on my back and my wallet (bad move, I know, but I didn't have anything anyway). I didn't care to interact with them all that much, not wanting P to get defensive and attack them for no reason, but they just kept pushing and eventually I relented and hung out with them some.

"Some" turned to "often," and then "often" turned into "sleeping-in-their-bed-and-sharing-our-clothes." At that point I was too far into it and embarrassed to admit I'd been hiding a whole other person from them in my mind. I wasn't sure if they'd even like me after, what with P's history of violence.

...so I never told them. I did my best to forget about anything that ever happened and tried to just enjoy the future I'd always wanted for myself. Bonfire and Greenhouse are lovely people and I was finally, maybe just a little happy. I'd never been a happy person and I was content to bask in it for as long as I was able.

This, of course, backfired immensely. P and I didn't have the best relationship at the time, with both of us wanting to do very extreme things to get away from the other. He wanted to kick me out and be by himself in my body, and I wanted to kill myself to be rid of him. We've since reconciled and made strides in accepting ourself for who we are- it hasn't been easy by any means, but that isn't the point.

I recognize now that he was afraid of being hurt again, not wanting to get out of that survival mindset in case Greenhouse and Bonfire turned out to be super-secret mega abusers taking advantage of our trust, but I also know what he did after was wrong.

He got physical with Bonfire, screaming at him and threatening to kill him if he got any closer. I don't have any memory of this happening, so some details may be incorrect, and I apologize for that. Bonfire, not knowing that P was not, in fact, me, (coupled with the fact that he's a fucking idiot (meant with affection)), he got closer and tried to talk me (him) down. P punched him in the face and broke his nose, after which he ran out of the house and left me to "wake up" a few miles away curled up under a tree.

P left me a note a few days later that said he didn't mean to break his (Bonfire's) nose, but that he was lucky he hadn't done worse. This, in P speak, is probably the most sincere apology I could get at the time.

To try and keep this as short as possible, I'll summarize what happened next. I told Bonfire and Greenhouse about P because at that point the cat was basically out of the bag. They said they'd wished I'd told them sooner, and that they were a little uncomfortable being in the same house as "the lean, mean, stabbing machine" (- Bonfire) but that they were willing to help me manage him if I promised to tell them everything I knew about how he worked.

I did, and it's been years since then, and now P and I are, as stated before, closer than ever. I recently asked my partners whether or not they were still upset with me for not telling them, and they just said that they weren't entitled to my medical history and trauma (which, yeah, but he did break Bonfire's nose) and that they didn't care because, "hey, we basically got a free dog out of it" (- Bonfire), and "we made a promise to love you, including all the less-than-savory parts." (- Greenhouse).

Sweet, yes, but I think I might be TA because, um, P LITERALLY BROKE BONFIRE'S NOSE AND THREATENED TO KILL HIM? AND IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN PREVENTED IF I HAD TOLD THEM?

TL;DR: I didn't tell my partners about my headmate that's prone to violence and he did violence on them and I feel bad.

AITA?

(P says hi, by the way, and he also wants me to tell you that he isn't like this anymore and much prefers soft blankets and eating fruit to breaking his family's noses.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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confess-ledzeppelin · 3 months

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I know I'm probably crossing into controversial territory here, but I'm so sick of logging onto Tumblr just to find people talking shit about Jimmy and wishing the most horrible things imaginable over a single fucking thing. He's not a creep, he's not a pedophile, he's not a Satanist, he's not an asshole, and he doesn't deserve even a fraction of the hate he gets. I see it all the time and it's sickening what people wish on him.

I might as well address the elephant in the room first. Lori's story is pretty hard to find information for since she couldn't tell the truth to save her life (I frankly can't stand her because of that), but I did manage to find the actual facts:

First of all, it was never a "passionate long-lasting love affair", it was actually only a few months (they never hooked up again after that, even in the 80s) and they weren't "madly in love" or whatever. I'm frankly not sure which of them technically initiated the relationship (although it's something to take into account that Jimmy is much more reserved than most musicians (like, say, Jagger), and Lori was a groupie for a reason), but it wasn't the way Lori described it at all. She wasn't kidnapped by anyone, and the version about Jimmy waiting in his hotel room with a cane and no clothes on is the most ridiculous rubbish I've ever heard. This isn't fucking West Side Story. They did meet at a show, though. He recognized her as a model since she was at least decently popular, but it's not like he was just waiting on the edge of his seat for a chance with her.

Secondly, this girl was absolutely not groomed. While there are certainly some tragic stories about grooming and pedophilia in the music industry (or just the entertainment industry as a whole, really), Lori is NOT a part of it. Most of these girls, including her, knew what they were doing but didn't care. After all, why would they? It was (for the most part) socially acceptable at the time, even if it wasn't legal. There are lots of women out there who will admit to sleeping with older men while they were 12-17, I've heard it myself. Does that make it right? No, but it's not like she was pushed against a wall or coerced in any way, shape or form. Despite how her stories change every time she tells them, she has said she looks back on her time with Jimmy fondly (Jimmy was very good to all of his lovers, but whether they were good to him is a different story that I'll get to later). Does he? Not really, no. He hardly talks about it and I can't blame him. But if he could go back, it's something that wouldn't have been repeated. He is a human being who made a mistake that just like every single one of us has, yet for some reason he apparently deserves to go to hell for it. It makes no sense to me. One mistake shouldn't define who he is as a person. And by the way, the "Jimmy Page if minors" memes aren't funny and you know it. Stop.

Anyway, as for what I said about past lovers, it's honestly tragic. First it was Jackie DeShannon, the same girl that kept him physically retrained in a hotel room against his will and assaulted him at least once, all while insisting that she loved him. And he believed it. One of her two songs about him, "Don't Turn Your Back On Me", basically gives the message of "we are going to last last forever. And if we don't, yes we will. Fake it 'til you make it, or else." It creeps me out. Next it was Charlotte, the same woman who allegedly cheated on him several times (even though he was faithful to her just like every other woman he was with), started heated arguments with him constantly (one time during a fight she even slapped him hard in the face while wearing several rings, which likely drew blood), and always retained a very "well he's okay, I guess" view on him even when they were having a baby. Jimmy, on the other hand, adored her and tried to give her the best. He even once said something along the lines of, "as long as I have Charlotte, I'll be okay" when he felt threatened. Basically, he would've crossed an ocean for her while she wouldn't have crossed a puddle for him. Their entire story actually reminds me a lot of Since I've Been Loving You, and he deserved so much better. Maybe there were even more incidents like these that never made it to the public, even though I don't think they're very well-known. Naturally there was also Lori, who was - to put it lightly - way more trouble than she was worth, and just her existence unfairly taints his reputation. There were also a few times when screaming girls mobbed the stage and started taking his clothes off, although I suppose they don't count for this bit.

But imagine if that shit was reversed. He would be crucified. And the best part? People actually turn it around to make it sound like it was him doing all of that. Absolutely rich. I really think people hate him just for the sake of it.

Another thing is his interest in the occult and how he's typically assumed to be a Satanist, because he gets plenty of hate for that, too. I'll put it this way: if I were to be super interested in, say, sharks, does that make me a marine biologist? Even if I study sharks for hours and visit the aquarium every week, even if I buy a whole bookstore about them, does that make me one? No, of course not. I don't see a difference. I know many occultists practice witchcraft and worship Satan and a bunch of really creepy things, but he's not one of them.

People also dislike him just for being a general asshole, and that's just as wrong. He's a sweetheart, a gentleman, and he's actually pretty funny, too. This is the same guy who rushed to help Robert up back when he was on crutches and fell in a studio. Robert said he'd never seen him move so fast. He's been there for Robert through a lot, and I think it should be said that the only reason he wasn't present at Karac's funeral was because he was physically unable. 1977 was obviously one of the worst - if not THE worst - year for him as far as his health; I think we all know that. He had even lost so much weight that his clothes from school were huge on him. But when the media came after him for answers on why he wasn't there, he accidentally made himself look pretty callous (as far as Jones goes on the situation, my guess is that he just already had vacation plans or figured it wasn't his problem anyway).

Also worth mentioning, Jimmy has done TONS of work for charity. He joined and played a part in Task Brazil, the ABC Trust, the Ahmet Ertegun Education Fund, Childline, Mount Sinai Hospital, MusiCares, the AIDS Memorial Campaign and Racehorse Sanctuary (I believe these are also supported by Robert, naturally).

This is also the same dorky guy who was found in a literal pillowcase by a roadie who was sent to wake him up. The same guy who sneezed while recording the Stairway to Heaven solo and grew frustrated with himself and started apologizing while the rest of the band couldn't stop laughing their asses off. The guy who knows not to take himself obnoxiously seriously and can laugh at himself, and has a great sense of humor. He's shy and reserved, but he's always been kind enough to notice when other people have needed help. He's always been a very polite "yes sir and no ma'am" kind of guy who says gosh instead of swearing and has a very soft voice. He's also the ultimate mama's boy, and still is even with her gone.

Sometimes he even says the most beautifully poetic things ever. "I'm just looking for an angel with a broken wing." "I remember when I was young I used to run along railway bridges with 250 foot drops... just dancing..." I mean, come on.

I'm not sure what about this guy is worth hating.

Anyway, that's my soapbox. Thanks.

Also can't fit this onto a picture, so just sharing as is. Thanks, anon!

#led zeppelin confessions #jimmy page #led zeppelin

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66sharkteeth · 4 months

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I just wanted to say that even though I'm a mostly silent reader, never really commenting on episodes and rarely interacting on the discord, CoB is by far my absolute favorite comic I've probably ever read. I dont doubt for a second that there are many more out there like me, silently gushing over every new episode and excitedly theorizing with their friends.

Even when CoB reaches its end, I will 100% be sticking around for anything else you make.

thank you. im ngl, there's a big irrationality in me that feels like im only writing this comic for like 15 people sometimes. ik that's completely untrue, but it can really feel like that, especially when i step outside the bubble of webtoon and try to share or talk about the comic anywhere else. i've full on just...stopped posting on instagram, because it's just so defeating and exhausting every time i post. I know there's more than 15 people reading my work, but boy its harder to tell myself that every time I post outside of webtoon. i only continue to post here because i've put no effort into growing this so i don't feel as disappointed when only 20 of my 700k followers on webtoon see it.

ik this completely dismisses my silent followers, which i know there are a lot of, and i'm trying really hard to account for them. but man, it's really hard. and i dont think how lonely the process is helps either. i remember numbers never used to bug me as much when i had a close friend to gush about OCs and ideas with, but now that i just gotta kind of do it all myself and be my own cheerleader with nobody to gush about upcoming stuff to, its doubly defeating when it finally posts and nobody's that excited. i don't know how i can feel so alone when there's a good amount of people who follow me, but the whole thing is an incredibly isolating process and it's just gotten so much worse with declining readership and algorithms doing everything they can to make sure nobody sees my work.

sorry if i veered off a bit, but it's been on my mind lately haha. i appreciate every reader so much, silent and vocal. like no seriously, you guys are literally the only thing keeping me going bc i know we're supposed to "create for ourselves" and stuff, but i think most people at least have a friend or partner that they're gushing about their OCs and stuff with, but i just have you guys lol. so thank you for reading, enjoying, and giving me someone to actually share my creations with.

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fairybin · 6 months

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hello! i hope that everyone is doing good. if not good, hopefully at least tolerable. since it's been a while since i've posted, i wanted to leave a message for everyone who has enjoyed my works over the last couple of months.

if you've been following me for a long time, then you'd know i made this account during summer of 2020 as a means to interact with other people who were also watching i-land (the show that made enhypen), but i would say that this 2023 year has been my most active year of posting. for me, writing is my way to express my thoughts and feelings that are somewhat trapped inside of my brain without any other means to express them and i truly enjoy it and wouldn’t want any other way to express myself besides it. even posting audios, that i originally kind of hated doing since it overshadowed my writings, i really grew to enjoy posting.

anyway with that being said, sometimes my brain works too fast for me to keep up and those thoughts and feelings become very stagnant and non-existent entirely. whether this is “burnout” or just pure laziness on my part is really unknown to me and honestly i probably won’t ever find out. if you’ve talked to me by messages or dms or even in my ask inbox, you’d know how often i say “i have an idea! i want to write about this and this and this!” and how much i enjoy when people tell me to go for it and usually i do.

maybe it’s the pressure to want to make my writings perfect or maybe the fact that it’s me who wrote it and i have to read it over and over, but honestly recently i have had no inspiration for writing. zero. nada. 없어. and it’s actually extremely difficult to admit. within a year, i have gone from loving writing and pushing out posts like it was nothing to not even wanting to write anything at all.

with this being said, i am by no means saying i’m going to stop writing. i couldn’t even if i wanted to. this is me saying that i’m going to take my time writing. if i get into a mood to write, i will, but also i won’t beat myself up for not being in the mood to write.

i’ll still be logged into this account periodically and i’m going to continue to reblog stories i like on my side blog that's linked in my navigation.

i wish everyone a very happy healthy and successful rest of 2024! bye!

- mari

#from mari

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ghostkingdoesstuff · 8 months

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A friendly reminder I am not to be held accountable for the things I'm about to say. Percy Jackson Season 1 FINALLY (SPOILERS BUT THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS)

The visceral noise I made eating popcorn as Luke said "look you didn't ask to be a half-blood" caused an earthquake in Alaska, I'm sorry I was facing northwest.

"Riposte" I'm sorry, no I'm sorry no-

Also, the background of the sword fighting scene was very pretty.

Poseidon showing up for his son!!! Letts gooooooo! THE WEIGHT OF THE OCEAN UPON YEE!!!

Right in the heel, it's gotta hurt!

Percy asked his uncle to please return his mom, wholesome family gold.

"He'll kill you." "I done to stop running from monsters." "You're gonna need all the luck you can get." The show gets why these two work. Friends before anything else.

Glory as a theme is something that I like that the show highlights more. But Grover is right. at least send an insurance email or something. A quick "on my way, please don't kill anyone"

Dropping the master bolt on some poor dudes desk, legendary.

Olympus is so fucking beutiful omg

I'm gonna cry if Luke and Percy are in the same scene as each other in this episode again. ILL DO IT! THAT'S A THREAT!

The dead silence, I'm shitting omg... yes I know what happens and?

Followed by "I didn't steal it! Neither did any of my friends" IM GONNA CRY! IM GONNA DO IT

The pin strip suit, the sky blue paisley tie, the presence, the voice, THE KING OF THE GODS PEOPLE

Lotta talk for someone so small and scary

POISIDEN GETTING BETWEEN HIS SON AND HIS BROTHER I'M GONNA THROW UP

POSIDEN AND ZEUS SPEAKING GREEK I'M GONNA PISS

THE SEA DOES NOT LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED (🎶BRING ON THE MONSTERS BRING ON THE REAL WORLD!!!🎶)

SALLY JACKSON TEACHING PERCY GREEK I'M GONNA-

"Of course we dream. why do you ask?" "Do you ever dream about mom?" ;-;

Thalia looking strudy as ever.

"Ready?" NO FUCK YOU NO

Another reminder I am not to held liable for anything I might say, you need only see how many times I've listened to "Last day of Summer" from The musical to understand how much I've thought of this moment in fictional time.

Confirmation that Luke was indeed what mattered most in the end? I'm gonna make myself cry shit-

Honestly, this Percy might be too smart for his own good. Bro's never gonna live this heartbreak down.

"You...I'm here to recruit." I- fucking- AHHHH

"OUR WAY OUT" RICK YOU BASTARD I HOPE YOU ROT IN ASPHODEL

"Stop saying "we"!" "It’s the word Zeus fears the most."

AND SHE HEARD EVERYTHING! Wasn't she supposed to be watching Clarrise? He'll, if Percy could figure it out, I'm sure Annabeth would. It's worth it to see that LOOK on Luke's face. I'm sorry. Feel the weight of your actions, man.

Miss my old friend the pit scorpion but I also like my new friend "the first scars we gave eachother"

He knows Luke won't hurt him physically, but the psychic damage hurts more and has lasting status de buffs.

"Just be a kid" that's it

"I'll find you" that's it

Promising to meet again next summer...Percy just you wait.

THE FAKE OUT OF A LIFETIME

"Grandpa" "don't call him that"

They are the ultimate mother son duo

BLUE PANCAKES!

Kinda hate that Sally didn't intentionally do a murder, or at least she has a lot more possible deniability now, but I hope she still makes a sweet sale on that sculpture!

And that's it! Fuck it's over what to do now... RE READING THE LIGHTING THEIF LIFE BLOG COMING SOON! As well I'll probably drop a summary of my thoughts on the whole season at some point soon! Happy Finally, y'all! Can't wait to see the discorse!

#percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo fandom #pjo tv adaptation #pjo disney+#luke castellan #percy jackon and the olympians #annabeth chase #grover underwood #thalia grace #pjo spoilers

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dresshistorynerd · 1 year

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I had the idea of writing about some historical queer figures I find interesting and drawing them for this pride month as a little project of mine. I will see how many I'll have time to do, I have in mind at least four other historical people, but knowing myself, I'm not holding my breath for all of them. Julie d'Aubigny she been one of my favorite historical figures for years so I decided to start with her.

Historical Queer Figures - Julie d'Aubigny

Julie d'Aubigny, also known as Mademoiselle Maupin and La Maupin, was a French opera singer and fencer in the late 1600s. She was infamous for having sapphic relationships, being aggressive and dramatic, having androgynous presentation by occasionally dressing in men's clothing in public and being a fencer and duelist. Trans and genderqueer readings of her are very possible, but because none of the accounts of her (at least those I've read) suggests she ever used any other than feminine first names or terms or she/her pronouns about herself, I will use she/her pronouns when talking about her.

The French court absolutely loved to gossip and people were constantly making up libel about the people they didn't like, and Julie had a lot of enemies and was very controversial figure. During the 18th and 19th centuries she was written about a lot in these highly sensationalized Encyclopedias, where the rumors from her lifetime got increasingly wilder and sensational. She was accused for example of seducing noble women in court balls, burning down a convent and murder. There's not much primary sources left or available from her actual lifetime so distinguishing truth from fiction is not an easy task in her case. Kaz Rowe did great job in their youtube video about her to try to actually find out where the stories of her life comes from. They go through some great context too about the rumor industry in the French court at the time so I highly recommend checking it out.

CW: very brief mentions of child sexual abuse and self-harming

The Timeline of Most Concrete Events

Let's first go through the things that have at least a bit more backing than a rumor started 100 years after her death. Julie d'Aubigny was born between 1670 and 1673. Her father was Gaston d'Aubigny, the secretary of Louis of Lorraine, count d’Armagnac, who was Master of Horses to King Loius XIV, and her mother is unknown. She was probably brought to the Versailles court in 1682, where she got a full education including academic subjects, riding and fencing, usually only thought for boys. She was married off to a Sieur de Maupin (first name unknown) probably around 1687, when she would have been 14 to 17 years old. He apparently got a position from a southern province as a tax collector. The stories about her claim she remained in Paris, but I don't think there's evidence of this, though what we do know of her adult life does suggest she was estranged from her husband and lived apart from him. Nevertheless, she did end up in Marseilles, where she first appeared on stage in Marseilles Opéra between 1687 and 1690. She didn't have education in music, but her good looks and beautiful voice landed her the role.

Her first appearances in the Paris Opéra are listed to 1690, so that is probably when she had her debut there. She became a very talked about figure and she gained both friends and enemies in the opera and the court. She performed in the Paris Opéra for probably four years, after which she went to Brussels, Bavaria, where she performed with the Opéra du Quai au Foin at least during 1697 and early 1698, after which she returned to France to perform again with the Paris Opéra.

It was the period when her career peaked and she got a lot of leading female roles. Those roles in French opera were at the time soprano roles, but Julie's natural voice range was lower, contralto. (There's a whole thing where at the time she was described as mezzo-soprano, but the music historian consensus is that her range matches contralto in modern terms as opera was sang on lower cords across the board at the time. (I understand nothing about music theory so I just hope I managed to explain this correctly)) She excelled in secondary female roles of goddesses and warrior women. For the leading roles she had to sing on higher notes than was natural to her and the naive and dainty personalities of those roles clashed with her own personality. Some later retellings of her life claim she performed male roles for female singers (which was common practice, and these roles were often those of young boys), but all known records of her roles are female roles. In 1702 on the leading composers of the Paris Opéra, André Campra, wrote her a leading lady role in Tamcréde, which is often credited to have the first leading female role for contralto. But her perhaps most famous role was as Médée in Medus, which was considered to be a very difficult role. Apparently the original leading singer had fallen ill before the debut so Julie was quickly trained in her stead, but succeeded well and got a lot of praise for the role.

In 1703 Julie started an affair with Madame la Marquise de Florensac, who was said to have been the most beautiful woman in France. This is the affair of hers of which there's most evidence. De Florensac was married and had children, but she was also rumored to have many affairs. Julie lived quietly together with her for two years. They were described by a contemporary to have lived in perfect harmony, always spending time together and only appearing in public when necessarily. Julie deputed in her last role in 1705 and ended her career after De Floransac died of sudden fever. Nothing concrete is known about the rest of her life, not even how or when she died, but she is usually speculated to have died in 1707.

Parsing History from Fantasy

Chronologically the rumor that places earliest in her life was that she had "an affair" with count d’Armagnac (age 46 at the time), before she got married in the same year so as a 14 to 17 year old. There doesn't seem to be any actual evidence of this and even if that really happened, it wouldn't have been an affair, it would have been grooming and sexual violence. Related to it is the rumor that the count arranged her marriage and sent her husband away, but kept her in the court with him. Then she "got bored" of the count and ran away with an assistant sword-master, Séranne, to southern France. They got money by performing fencing matches in fairs and taverns while they were traveling till they got to Marseilles, where she first appeared in opera.

The stories of her in this period are generally written in a super nasty tone, and she (as supposed 14 yo) is written as the seductress and the adult men are written as the victims of her fiery temper and fitfulness. All these stories seem pretty unlikely though. The rumor about the count seems (unfortunately) most possible, but accounts from 18th and 19th century about these early events in her life don't seem to be based on any information from her lifetime. I find it most likely that the writers in 18th and 19th centuries were filling out the blanks we don't know from her life and painting her as this (in their eyes) degenerate seductress from an early age. An alternative possible explanation could have been that she indeed accompanied her husband to south, perhaps near Marseilles, where she then performed with the Marseilles Opéra. Many sources claim though that she performed with her maiden name there, which would be odd if she was living with her husband. I don't know where that claim comes originally, but it could be false of course. Although the generally proposed year of her marriage could also be false, which would explain why she at first performed with her maiden name, and later in Paris and always after that with her husband's name. That would not explain how she ended up going to Marseilles though.

The next and perhaps the most infamous and coolest story of her sets somewhere shortly before 1690. In that story she fell in love with a girl in Marseilles and the girls parents sent her to a convent to avoid a scandal. Julie went to the convent with the premise of wanting to become a novice. They tried to frame the girl's death by putting a dead nun's body into the girls bed and setting it on fire and then went on the run for couple of months. While on the run Julie was sentenced to death in absentia, but after returning to Paris and rekindling her relationship with count d'Armagnac, he got the king to pardon her. As amazing as this story is, it's very likely not true. It seems quite unlikely that the 15 to 19 year old Julie would have done that, but even more unlikely that she'd just get all her charges dropped and these crimes wouldn't have hindered at all her career, which hadn't even properly begun yet. The first surviving description of this incident comes from a letter of her contemporary court lady, Madame Dunoyer, who was basically an early gossip columnist and despised her. Her story doesn't mention Julie at all, but talks about a nun, who tried to frame her own death in a similar manner to escape with her male lover (which still sounds very unlikely story). The first surviving description that attaches that story to Julie, comes year after her death from the very suspect writings of a known liar, Cardinal Debois, who did personally know and hate Julie. He claimed that Dumenil, who was an actor in Paris Opéra the same time as Julie, related him the story, while also acknowledging he probably did it because he too hated her. So very likely not a true story, but possibly something that was rumored during her lifetime already.

In the stories of her, after escaping from the convent and before going to Paris, she traveled again in male attire and met Louis Joseph d'Albert de Luynes von Grimberghen, commonly known as count d'Albert. He was an interesting character in his own right, roughly her age, and like her, his real story is a little hard to parse from the legend (though in his case, he was a nobleman so there's also a lot of actual records of his life). In the story though, he thought she was a man, they had some disagreement, a fight broke out, she won, injured him and nursed him back to health. And then they had a brief affair before d'Albert went to war again. They were lifelong friends, so this is not entirely made up. It's entirely possible they had a brief affair (and according to many stories an on and off type of affair that was re-kindled at many points in their lives) and there was rumors about it even in her lifetime, but the story of this first meeting seems to lack validity.

Next in her stories she met Gabriel-Vincent Thévenard, who was another famous singer and her contemporary, either right before or right after she arrived in Paris. They became lovers and after Thévenard auditioned and got accepted into the Paris Opéra, he helped to get Julie accepted too. It is true that as far as we know, they both debuted in 1690. They were also said to have been life long friends and again it's possible they were lovers at some point, but the details of their meeting are difficult to know.

There are many stories about her antics of both of her times in the Paris Opéra. In those stories she fought duels, assaulted Dumenil with a cane, robbed Dumenil, had fights with men after they insulted her or another women or harassed other women, tried to kill herself after her love was not reciprocated, threatened to shoot a duchess in the head, threatened to slit Cardinal Debois' throat, bit Thévenard in the ear on stage and had affairs with men and women. According to Cardinal Debois the feud between Dumenil and Julie started because Dumenil was interested in her but she rejected him. The Cardinal was a liar but it does sound pretty believable. So if it's true and he spread in retaliation a lie that she burned down a convent, her beating him up or beating him up, stealing his valuables and returning them to him by humiliating him in front of other actors, would align well with everything else told about her personality. Maybe her retaliation wasn't exactly as in the stories, but if the other things about Dumenil were true, I'm sure she retaliated in some way. Same applies to her threatening the Cardinal's life. He wrote about it, but he was a liar, but, but because he was a liar who lied about her, it sounds like something she might do. Madame Dunoyer wrote about her threatening the Duchess of Luxembourg apparently because of jealousy over count d'Albert. The duchess was d'Albert's mistress at one point and apparently he even fought a duel over her in 1700. So there is some validity to this rumor, though the circumstances were perfect to fabricate that kind of rumor. I haven't found as much backing to other rumors, but many of them sound possible or at least maybe rooted in some reality and exaggerated.

The rumored explanation for why she left the Paris Opéra around 1694 was that she went into a court ball in men's clothing, kissed a woman on the dance floor and got challenge to a duel by three noblemen. They went outside and she won, but because dueling was illegal, she had to flee to Bavaria, and later when she returned, she was supposedly pardoned by the king again. In the more sensational versions of the story she killed the noblemen. This whole story is very unlikely. Even count d'Albert was imprisoned for engaging in an illegal duel (the one in 1700). He got eventually pardoned, but he was a nobleman and basically a war hero. The first surviving accounts of this story come much after her dead and it sounds more like a very exaggerated version of the other stories of her. There's many more plausible reason why she would have left to Bavaria. If her contemporaries descriptions of her behavior were even half true, those could have been scandal enough. Or if the rumors of her burning down a convent were circling that time already, that alone could have been damaging enough to her career that she thought it best to leave for a while.

In Bavaria, she's rumored to have another scandal. She supposedly became lover of the Max Emanuel, Elector of Bavaria, but she was too dramatic and after she stabbed herself with a real knife during a performance, the Elector decided she was too much, demanded her to leave Bavaria and gave her money for it. She supposedly threw the money to the feet of the messenger and left. The first surviving account of this story comes again from Madame Dunoyer, the details of which have changed, but were always quite exaggerated and unbelievable. Still the core events might be true, it's possible she was the Elector's lover for a while and it's also possible she stabbed herself on stage for real, being very dramatic as she was.

Was she queer?

There are enough accounts of her attraction and relationships with women from people who actually knew her, that I do find it very likely that she was sapphic. Cardinal Debois even implied she was exclusive interested in women or at least heavily preferred them, though other accounts by the people who knew her did talk about her attraction to men too. Her dressing in men's clothing is also mentioned enough times by her contemporaries that I do believe it. Because gender was so heavily tied to clothing and sexuality and fashion was less about what you wanted to wear and more about what you wanted others to think about you, I think she probably had some gender feelings. Even her aggressive and assertive behavior was very much seen as crossing gender boundaries. There's no more evidence of her feelings on gender than her androgynous presentation, so it's mostly speculation.

In conclusion, she was definitely a flavor of queer.

Julie circa 1700 in opera costume.

The most notable source I used:

Julie D'Aubigny: the 17th Century Sapphic Swordfighting Opera Singer, video by Kaz Rowe - I mentioned this before but it bears repeating

Research page by Jim Burrows - This was great since there's gathered multiple sources on le Maupin, historical and more recent, some of which are hard to access fully otherwise

Julie d'Aubigny: La Maupin and Early French Opera, LAPL blog post - It repeats most of the rumors of questionable origin about her as truth, but the sections about her career, which have more backing than just rumors, are really helpful

Mademoiselle De Maupin; Biographical sketches & anecdotes, The Dublin University Magazine - One of those questionable biographies of her from 1854, really only good as a source of what the rumors were after her death

Chevalier, Louis-Joseph, prince de Grimberghen, essay by Neil Jeffares - Biography of count d'Albert, which includes a lot of unsourced rumors about both le Maupin and d'Albert, but recounts his life events in great detail, and references to each claim show which parts are sourced well

#queer history #history #pride month #art #queer art #lgbtq history #sapphic art #digital art #portrait #historical art #historical queer figure #julie d'aubigny #julie de maupin

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hyperfixation-symposium · 4 months

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Hey all, sorry for the delay in my overly sappy end of QSMP post but I've been so so busy and unable to work on it! (I will also be getting you all in the tag games soon, watch out >:) )

This project has made a huge impact on my life in many ways. I originally made this account because I was dealing with a lot of anxiety around being publicly in this fandom, but I've grown so much and I'm so lucky to have met so many amazing people.

This project allowed me to meet people from all over, expanding my community and understanding of other cultures in a way I couldn't have dreamed of before. I'm learning a second language seriously for the first time, with the help of those I love. I grew and learned a lot about myself and, sometimes, what the Internet had in communities I didn't even know existed.

Though the qsmp is over, and I will probably slow down on this blog, I never want to lose the connections I made. plus, who knows what the newest hyperfixation will bring?

Genuinely, though, this wouldn't have been nearly as incredible of an experience without qsmpblr being there through every bump in the road. For updates, for encouraging words, for.. everything. Thank you all.

Okay before I get too caught up in my own sappiness- special thanks below the cut!

Love to my fellow co-parents and egg children admins @shadowfloofster @angel-astre @qsmp-a1-updates @justpuppi @eyesofcrows @froggiest-multifanboy @finleyisgayforreal and everyone else I don't have the tag for. I don't have words for how much this silly server and all of you in it mean to me :)

To @Ridd for being such a cool friend the entire time (I can't find your Tumblr acc if you see this I'm hunting you for sport)

@heartkade I'll forever miss your theories and running back and forth in the tags

@zerosalt LITERALLY THE COOLEST EVER WHAT

@kays-artstuff Talking to you and seeing your art always did and always does make my day

@q-starhalo Holds the most correct opinions ever and I will not take criticism

@6flyingosprey6 MOST UNDERRATED QSMPBLR PERSON EVER

@iminyourbookshelf @lacavedalex @the-crimson @pokidragon @cosmic-d1ce @whoturnedgravityoff and else who made this experience so special

@tubborucho for always having correct opinions on everything

@soratsuart of course, for getting me into the server and @rannlwitch for all the amazing conversations we've had and your awesome storytelling in RLSMP

I'm very tired and I'm sure I forgot a million names but don't be afraid to reach out!!! I love you all, thank you for taking this journey with me.

This is not a goodbye, per say. A see you later seems more accurate :)

But for now,

Boa Notie, Buenas Noches, and Goodnight qsmpblr. Love you all

(I hope this is comprehendible I'm so tired)

#qsmp #qsmpblr #ill miss this all so much #thank you all

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coraniaid · 4 months

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A random ask if you're up for it: what's a terrible take about the Buffyverse you've seen on tumblr but have not yet publicly kvetched about?

I'll be honest: this question prompted a moment of minor panic on my part because my very first instinct was to say something like "hmm, no, I don't think I've ever seen a bad take about Buffy on here I've not immediately complained about". Which is an admission that, were it accurate, should probably prompt rather more introspection on my part than I'd enjoy.

Thinking about it though, I don't think that is really true. In fact, I probably don't say anything negative about most of the bad Buffy takes I see, either because they're not particularly widespread (I try not to publicly disagree with other people's headcanons or even argue against popular posts if it would be obvious who I was responding to) or because they're about characters who I just don't talk about on here at all (either because I don't find them interesting or because my understanding of them is so at odds with the wider fandom's we'd be talking at cross-purposes).

(Or, sometimes, I don't say anything negative because I'm too busy enthusiastically reblogging the post in question, if we're being brutally honest about what counts as a "bad take".)

One concrete example I don't think falls under those headings and which I don't remember complaining about before is the way people talk about Buffy's speech in Selfless. Now, I'll be honest: I don't really like Selfless that much. It's in the top half of Season 7 episodes for me, possibly even the top third, but that's a pretty low bar. But what I do like a lot are Buffy/Faith parallels, and this episode has a big one in Buffy's speech towards the end of the episode:

At some point someone has to draw the line and that is always going to be me. You get down at me for cutting myself off, but in the end the Slayer is always cut off. There's no mystical guidebook; no all-knowing council. Human rules don't apply. There's only me. I am the law.

Obviously this reminds the audience of Faith's similar speeches in Season 3's Consequences, when she tells Buffy that the two of them are "better" than ordinary humans and then later that "you know I'm right. You know in your gut we don't need the law. We are the law."

We obviously aren't meant to agree with Faith in Consequences. (The fact that she follows this speech up by almost immediately defecting to work for the Mayor, commiting at least one cold-blooded murder, having a sobbing emotional breakdown where she begs somebody to kill her and then turning herself in to be judged and punished by the very human laws she sneered at earlier is something of a clue.)

A lot of people point out the parallel but then try to explain that what Buffy is saying is actually substantially different from Faith, and that Buffy is right while Faith was wrong. in Myth, Metaphor and Morality Mark Field (who I don't think is actually on Tumblr, technically, but who I'm referencing to avoid talking directly about the many people on Tumblr who agree with him) ties this in to the wider themes of Season 7, and describes the difference between Buffy and Faith as being that Faith is trying to avoid responsibility (for accidentally killing Allan Finch) while Buffy is taking responsibility (for doing what has to be done and killing Anyanka).

And yes, Buffy is doing something different to Faith here. She is not trying to say that she doesn't have to be accountable. She is not making excuses for her own mistakes or bad behaviour. She is trying to do (what she perceives as being) the right thing.

But Buffy is wrong as well. She is proved wrong within this episode. She doesn't have to kill Anya: in fact, she fails to kill Anya (indeed, given what we see of vengeance demons in The WIsh and in Older and Far Away I don't believe Buffy could possibly have killed Anya, but I know that vengeance demon lore is even less rigorous than vampire soul lore). The problem of Anya being a vengeance demon is resolved, not by Buffy, but by the people she was giving her speech to. The people who she was arguing didn't have a say.

Buffy is wrong, too, within the show's established lore. There is a mystical guidebook (even if her Watcher didn't have her read it), and there is a Council (even if they're far from all-knowing, Buffy could have been making use of their resources ever since she asserted her importance to them in Checkpoint, but she chose not to do this). And Buffy isn't alone. (At least Faith got the number of Slayers right in her speech!)

And Buffy is also wrong in terms of the wider season arc. Season 7 is not about Buffy saving the day by heroically taking all the world's burdens on to herself and making all the decisions. Her attempts to beat the First this way end disastrously; cutting herself off from her friends and her family and the very the Potentials she's trying to protect.

(Yes, the climatic scene in Empty Places is poorly written, but the season does very deliberately have Buffy fail to establish any sort of rapport or connection with the Potentials and spend less and less time with her friends. Buffy isn't blameless for those relationships falling apart, even if having her friends and sister kick her out of her own house is absurd.)

Instead of being the lone voice of judgment, Buffy beats the First and saves the world by not isolating herself. By working with her friends; by realizing they can do things she can't; by sharing her power with the Potentials (because "my power should be our power"); by reconnecting with Faith; by accepting help from Angel and from Spike; and by realizing that the people who "made up the rules" for Slaying thousands of years ago made a mistake.

The whole point of Chosen is that it is a refutation of the vision of being a Slayer that Buffy outlines in this episode.

Quoting it uncritically as if it sums up who Buffy is as a person is like, well, using Andrew's speech about "the Dark Slayer" to describe Faith. (Which ... oh, yeah, people also do.)

#btvs #asks #thanks!

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dandelion-wings · 4 months

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This ficlet is @theabysscomeshome's fault twice over. First, in 2022, we were talking about the wingfic, and wing-grooming, and they suggested the specifics of this piece. Then, a few days ago, we had another discussion about grooming-as-affection that reminded me of that older conversation. I've been telling myself for two years that I couldn't write this until I finished the wingfic, but I don't know if I'll ever finish the wingfic, and you know what? I don't need to in order to write this. If I ever DO, I'll probably clean this up and throw it on AO3 as a short coda, but for now I've had fun writing it, and it can live on Tumblr as an exercise. :>

---

It takes Diluc a while, once he returns to Mondstadt, to notice the state of Kaeya's wings.

They aren't in notable disarray. But neither are they at all well-kept. He keeps them tightly closed against his back, the cape of his new uniform half-falling over them, eclipsing them with its ornate cut and dramatic tones. There's no gleam of oil, and his feathers are dry and brittle from the lack, more always broken when Diluc sees him than can be accounted for by battle alone. They're brushed back with a ruthlessness that no doubt is only breaking them further.

And Diluc has never once seen them decorated. Kaeya doesn't wear any wing-clasps, even though Diluc can easily imagine several designs that would nicely match his outfit, and whoever he commissioned it from would surely have offered to add them in. Not once has Diluc seen even the ends of the primaries painted. Father used to love painting their wings, and unlike Diluc, Kaeya would hold still for an hour or more, both wings stretched out behind him, while Father painted each primary with a peacock's eye in full and natural detail.

Perhaps Diluc can understand why he doesn't paint them, at least.

The rest, though, makes no sense. If this were the Kaeya he thought he'd known as a youth, shy and soft-spoken, always a step behind Diluc so that Diluc could attract the attention, he could wave it away. But not for this new Kaeya, with his flamboyant clothing and his cheerful, talkative guise. A Mondstadter's wings should be one of the *anchors* of their style, not a disregarded afterthought.

He mentions it to Jean, once, during one of the quiet moments in the midst of Dvalin's unexpected violence. Diluc is careful not to bring up Kaeya with her most of the time, afraid of prying into the friendly trust he can tell exists between them. But in that encounter in the Temple of the Wolf Kaeya had spread his wings, briefly, mantling at him over the Abyss Mage, and the feather-breakage had been unexpectedly brutal on the underside. It niggles at him more than the mantling itself.

"I know," Jean says. "He maintains them well enough to glide, though, and their condition doesn't break the Knights' uniform regulations. I have no grounds to reprimand him for it."

Her expression is carefully composed in the way that means she's holding back some emotion or extra comment. Diluc bites back a more demanding question. He's not her superior anymore, and he can't insist she not treat him as such if he interrogates her like one. Though even if she can't discuss the subject with Kaeya as Acting Grand Master, he doesn't see why she wouldn't speak up as a friend-

Or perhaps that's gone as poorly for her as disapproving of Kaeya's new drinking habit tends to go for him. If Kaeya has set a boundary around the topic, Jean would no doubt be better-mannered than Diluc about crossing it. He only wishes that she could tell him why.

Could, or would. She changes the subject swiftly back to Dvalin, and as soon as she does that closed-up composure falls away. Diluc swallows his frustration and turns his attention, too, back to the task at hand.

***

It eats at him still every time he sees Kaeya, whether it's in his bar applauding his deception of Huffman or roaming the islands of the Golden Apple Archipelago together or at his dining table one evening during the Weinlesefest, making terrible jokes and gesturing to emphasize them with his hands only, not a twitch of wing or feather even when he laughs at his own jibes. Adelinde looks as pained as Diluc feels when Kaeya pins them against the back of the chair at the table instead of slotting them through the notch down its center and draping them comfortably over its curves.

He's not *comfortable* at the Dawn Winery, that seems to say, and Diluc knows that's his own fault. Adelinde and the other staff have never done anything that would make him think he shouldn't feel at home.

The day Kaeya comes by with the Honorary Knight and a variety of gifts from Sumeru is the day Diluc loses his patience at last.

Kaeya is still there when he returns from his meeting--which he'd rather have left to Elzer after all, ill or not, if he hadn't known that Kaeya would be more comfortable if he wasn't there. He'd expected Kaeya to have left already. But instead, while the Honorary Knight has apparently gone back to Mondstadt with Klee after she made an unexpected appearance, Kaeya has lingered to help Adelinde clean up after lunch. Just as he's apparently helped Tunner pick grapes, and Connor check on the fermenting wine, and Elzer handle an unexpected merchant.

He's taken his jacket and cape off by this point in the afternoon, sitting on a bench outside and sharing a bottle of wine with Connor and Elzer, chatting idly about the current projects at the Winery. Finally, unlike that dinner, his wings are spread a bit, low and drooping behind his back. There's grape leaves stuck to the broken feathers, a bit of soot streaked across them, and even a piece of vine tangled around two primaries. He looks up at Diluc, and the ease of his smile makes it clear he's drunk.

"You aren't staying for dinner in that state," Diluc tells him in a flash of utterly unjustified irritation.

That easy smile goes wry and pained in an instant, and the loosened wings draw tight. Kaeya sets his glass down and starts to rise, one hand on the table to keep himself steady. Connor and Elzer both look dismayed, Connor holding out a hand as if to stop Kaeya and Elzer giving Diluc a frowning look.

"I've enjoyed this visit," Kaeya says to the men, waving off Connor's hand, "but it seems it's time for me to take my leave. Thank you for your hospitality."

"I didn't say that." He regrets his tone already, though it still grates at him to see how quickly Kaeya takes that as a dismissal, and not--not jealousy, Diluc admits reluctantly, chagrined by his own reaction. It's not *Kaeya* that casual display makes him frustrated with.

"Oh?"

"I said *in that state*. You ought to clean up first. So should you two. Adelinde won't serve any of you still in work clothes."

The other two hasten to stand, Connor collecting up the glasses while Elzer picks up the bottle. Connor smiles knowingly at Diluc, while Elzer simply looks relieved. Kaeya, though, scoops up his jacket and cape and shrugs.

"I'm afraid these are the only clothes I have on me."

"You can at least straighten up your wings. Come on. I'll brush them for you."

Diluc gestures for Kaeya to follow as he strides through the door, and deliberately doesn't look back. He's aware all the same of Kaeya's hesitation, and then the sound of his footsteps as he does, indeed, follow.

Upstairs Kaeya hesitates again on the landing, and Diluc opens the door to his suite wide and beckons him impatiently in.

"I'm sure Adelinde could give me a hand, if it matters that much," Kaeya says, still standing there. He looks oddly lost.

"Adelinde will be down in the kitchen insisting the cooks make all your favorites. All the ones she trusts them with, that is. She'll make as much as she can by hand."

Kaeya winces and mutters, "She's already made me lunch," but the distraction is at least enough for him to finally acceed to Diluc's impatience and step into his suite.

The front room is half study, but it's also where Diluc does what toilette he requires. He pulls the stool out from under the dressing table and waits until Kaeya has sat down, somewhat awkwardly, upon it before dragging the chair from his desk across the room and sitting down behind him. He can see Kaeya's face in the mirror, and it's clear Kaeya is watching him through it as well.

After a long, silent, wary moment, Kaeya loosens his wings from where they're clamped tight against his back, leaving them half-unfolded and relaxed enough that when Diluc reaches for the left one, the one where the vine is tangled in, he can tug it into a good position to preen.

He untangles the vine carefully, slowly, taking his time. Kaeya's unoiled feathers are just as fragile as he'd presumed, and despite all his care a few barbs still do snap under the slight pressure of him tugging the vine free. Diluc grimaces and pinches the barbs around them gently to draw them straight before collecting up the grape leaves scattered all across Kaeya's coverts.

The soot he has to pat off with a damp towel; if it were his own wings, he'd brush it vigorously off, but whether Kaeya cares or not he doesn't want to break any more barbs than he has to. Then, with the same concern in mind, he ignores the stiff preening brush and picks up a bottle of oil, sitting back down to hand-preen Kaeya's feathers.

Kaeya shifts on the stool when he sees Diluc pour the oil over his hands, but he doesn't say anything in protest. Doesn't say anything at all, in fact, neither light commentary nor teasing jokes nor even any complaints about the tugging as Diluc maneuvers his wing this way and that, oiling his hands over and over again as he runs his fingers delicately over and beneath and between feathers.

The primaries are in the best shape, kept straight and clean for gliding even if too many of the barbs are broken, and the secondaries are close enough to his back to stay more intact, though they're still brittle. The coverts, though, range from in disarray to very nearly matted. He pulls them apart with hands that only force of will keeps from trembling, biting his tongue on sharp comments about their neglected state.

Kaeya is tense in front of him, his shoulders stiff. He watches Diluc in the mirror like he's waiting for the moment when Diluc grasps the delicate bones under his hands and snaps them. Diluc doesn't know how to say what he wants to say without sounding angry, and he knows how Kaeya will take that.

At last, though, the left wing is in good order, every feather fluffed and preened and oiled. Diluc shifts the chair a little and starts on the right.

Kaeya goes even more tense when he takes the leading edge to pull it out. For a moment he resists--Diluc almost lets go, afraid he *will* snap it if Kaeya keeps pulling back--and then he sighs, his face in the mirror resigned, and his wing relaxes as he hunches his shoulders forward. No less tense, he's still sitting like he's waiting for the blow, but he drops his gaze from the mirror and stares down at the dressing table instead.

Two of these primaries are folded oddly inward, their barbs tangled, pinning them together in a way that leaves gaps in the bottom line of the wing. Diluc frowns at that and separates them, carefully as he can, though even that doesn't keep one barb from snapping as he tries to free it from the one it's tangled with. They're bound so close he'd almost think someone had interlaced them deliberately. When they part, it doesn't reveal the third primary that should be hidden between them. The feather just isn't there.

Diluc traces the gap upwards, pushing back the coverts to find the root. He expects the shaft to be broken somewhere high. Maybe this was from a recent blow, because more of the coverts are tangled around the root. He parts them carefully, too, and realizes that two of them are missing, and some of the feathers around and above, and where they're gone, the bare skin of the wing, is- scarred. An old, rough, patch of skin, pulled tight and knotted where fire had burnt first feathers and then flesh away.

He rests his fingers against the burn scar for a long moment. Kaeya is rigid as a board, his left wing clamped in tight again, looking down at his hands in his lap like he has the secrets of the universe folded between them. But he doesn't twitch his wing away from Diluc's hand.

It feels like something is trying to gnaw its way out from Diluc's chest. He takes a deep, slow breath, then pours more oil onto his hands and carries on with straightening the feathers. It's clear now why they were so deliberately matted together, but he doesn't fold them in again. Everyone in the Dawn Winery knows what he's done. There's no point in Kaeya hiding it here except to salve Diluc's guilty conscience, and as much as it burns, Diluc wants to see.

There's more on the underside, a whole burnt streak from top to bottom that isn't nearly as easily hidden. Kaeya has made what efforts he can, enough that Diluc hadn't spotted it before this in the times they've encountered each other in the urgency and chaos of emergencies and battle. At rest, though, he'd have to keep his wings tightly closed to hide that scar. Which, of course, is exactly what he's been doing.

Diluc takes a moment to breathe after that, too, and then goes back to straightening and oiling feathers, the guilty ache gnawing ever stronger beneath his ribs. He doesn't have anything to say that still wouldn't come out angry--he *is* angry, and he can't let that spill out at Kaeya when the anger is at himself. Once the feathers are straight, he stands, touching Kaeya's shoulder when Kaeya shifts to do the same, and picks up his softest brush and a different oil to pour over it before he sits back down.

As a child, he'd rarely had the patience for this part. But Kaeya had loved it, the same way he'd loved Father's feather-paintings. Diluc regrets, now, not often letting Father administer this final gloss, unnecessary as it might have been. If he had known when he wriggled free of Father's ministrations on his eighteenth birthday that he'd never get the chance again....

Maybe no one's done this for Kaeya, either, since this day. He hunches further under it at first, visibly uncomfortable, though he still doesn't protest. Diluc stays silent too, focusing on his work, brushing the oil into Kaeya's feathers in long, slow sweeps. At the burn, he hesitates a moment, then runs the brush down over the scars as well, the rough dark skin taking on the same gleam as Kaeya's feathers, though not as iridescent as this particular oil teases out of that dark blue. Slowly, gradually, Kaeya unhunches, relaxing under the brush, his wings falling into the same comfortable droop that Diluc had seen at that table outside.

When he's finished, he caps both bottles and rises, setting them and the brush back on the dressing table. Kaeya hasn't tried to rise this time, which leaves him room to circle around and double-check his handiwork from multiple angles. A few final touches, pushing feathers that the brush had disturbed back into perfect alignment, and then Diluc can't resist touching the worst of the burns one more time.

He swallows all the anger and guilt and regret that threatens to claw its way up and says, his voice as soft as he's ever been able to make it, "I'm sorry."

Kaeya looks up at him with his eye wide. Then a faintly ironic smile eclipses the astonishment. "Why? They aren't real, remember?"

That feels like a knife twisted in his stomach, and Diluc closes his teeth on an angry retort. Kaeya's shirt is buttoned close around the base of his wings, but he knows that older scars still lie beneath that, the long thin lines of a knife in a wedge-like cut. The gouges, he knows now, as he hadn't as a child, not of attempted removal but of their original installation.

Had it hurt? Diluc doesn't think he's ever asked. He certainly doesn't have the right to ask such a question now. But he can't imagine it didn't.

When he presses a little harder against the burn, he sees Kaeya flinch. "*This* is."

"Ah." Kaeya swallows hard, the smile vanishing. "That's true."

"And if it is, then they are, too."

Diluc can't quite read the expression on Kaeya's face before he looks away. He resists the urge to check it in the mirror. Instead he lowers his hand and steps back, giving Kaeya space.

"I have to change. I'll meet you downstairs for dinner."

And then he flees, putting the door of his bedroom between them. Kaeya will probably dig through his desk behind his back--Diluc would, in his place--but there's nothing there that he can't stand Kaeya seeing. Nothing that his brother doesn't already know, in any case. Kaeya has always been adept at digging out his most mortifying secrets.

He'd rather Kaeya dig through his desk before going downstairs. The other option is that he decides Diluc has been too overbearing and leaves.

When he comes down to dinner, though, Kaeya is there, waiting in the chair beside Diluc's and chatting companionably with Adelinde. He looks up at Diluc and smiles, the friendly mask right back in place. Diluc frowns at him and braces for another evening of bad, teasing jokes. He can live with that. What matters more is that Kaeya has his wings draped over his chair, neat and oiled, arranged loose and comfortably behind him.

#fic bits #archon signatures #diluc and kaeya need so much therapy

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nereidprinc3ss · 2 months

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aubrey plaza is a zionist. all i had to google was “aubrey plaza zionist”; i understand they were being very rude about it but please attempt to educate yourself next time. ❤️

hi, I'm writing this on my laptop because I couldn't focus on my phone so please excuse if the capitalization is weird or inconsistent, and fair warning this is going to be very rambly and not incredibly eloquent. but we are for real going to talk about this now

i do not consider Aubrey plaza relevant to what is going on in Gaza. i do not consider knowing every single actor's uninformed takes on a genocide as being useful or important. a lot of these celebrities don't even have a high school diploma and can't conceive of an issue they cant pay their way out of, so I don't go to them for their politics or their ethics. she is utterly irrelevant to Gaza and she is utterly irrelevant to me politically speaking. I called her hot. that has absolutely no bearing on my values and I sincerely resent the idea that calling a celebrity hot suddenly means you are responsible for knowing everything about them and you are endorsing all of their idiotic takes. I absolutely would not consider knowing Aubrey plaza's take on a two state solution as being self-education because it literally could not mean less. I know my opinions, I know where I stand, and she does not factor in.

if we want to talk about educating ourselves, lets talk about following journalistic sources on the ground in Gaza, lets talk about reading books (a good read is the hundred year's war on Palestine by Rashid khalidi), lets talk about donating. I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be the most educated person in the world, or that I have the authority to make declarative statements about Palestine, but I sincerely hope people do not consider paying close attention to American celebrity culture as being activism or self-education. what is going on in Gaza is more than any of us can conceive of and I think its really strange to water it down and make it about celebrities. if this were an Aubrey plaza stan blog, these messages would receive a very different response, but as it stands, I am not an Aubrey plaza stan, never claimed to be, and spoke about her one time. I am glad to know that we have fundamentally opposing views, and if I were in any way supporting her that would stop with this information. but I'm not and never was. what I will not do is call her hot again because Zionism is NOT sexy! and I agree that we should not be uplifting celebrities who are known zionists. but if your activism only goes as far as knowing what actors and actresses have the wrong opinions, that's not enough and it's not activism.

i hope this doesn't come across as too defensive. I acknowledge that this is not the most productive use of anyone's time. I'm probably making it too much about myself but it has really been odd to be accused of being a Zionist because I said one thing about a celebrity when that is so unaligned with my values. I'm aware that is such a first world issue--me whining because I don't like how I'm being perceived on the Internet, but I think it bothers me because this is so far from being an issue about Aubrey plaza and I find it upsetting that the most flagrant and vehement pushback i've ever gotten on this account has been about one comment I made about a celebrity because that's all people know about the genocide in Gaza. that's not activism and it is not useful or helpful to the people being rounded up and exterminated.

tumblr is not the number one place to be educating yourself, but I will link to a website that is a really good starting place to learn more about the issue. its true that if you don't have an expendable income, being informed and educated is the best tool of resistance you have to help the palestinian people. and that doesn't mean just skimming and reblogging whatever comes across your dash, it means seeking out information and making a concerted effort to learn. I would really really recommend this website as a starting point if you don't know much, it's not overwhelming and it's very informative.

i haven't talked about it at length here because sometimes I think an issue warrants its own dedicated space, not to be mixed in with smut and fanfic and my day to day ramblings, but I am capable of being wrong and sometimes there's not a clear right or wrong thing to do. I apologize if I handled anything poorly but I assure you that my goal is always to be doing the right thing. still, I am not an authority, and I don't become an authority just because I have a small following. I don't think everyone with a few thousand followers on Tumblr is qualified to be talking about this because most of us are not educators and are not well informed enough ourselves to be trying to educate anyone else, but it's entirely possible I haven't been clear enough about where I stand. this is just a criminal minds blog, but the girl who is typing on her silly little Chromebook in her silly little bedroom right now is always pro decolonization. I do not wish to associate with Zionists, on my blog or in my personal life.

and let me reiterate I'm not an authority, I don't know everything, and I don't claim to. but you also don't know anything about me beyond this blog, which is so incredibly far removed from any real world issues. I truly hope Tumblr is not the place where any of us are doing most of our activism and talking about Palestine.

anyways I wrote this over the course of like two hours and will probably come back and edit it a lot so please do not take any of this as being like set in stone, some of it is reactionary and some of it is more level headed and well thought out, but I hope it makes enough sense and that I got my point across effectively and in a way that is not harmful

#asks #ramblings

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quilna · 6 months

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im not too sure if this is the right account to send this ask to (very sorry if it isnt) but i was curious if youd be willing to chat/ramble about your own personal jekyll and hyde version? i remember having a small talk with you on artfight about your jekyll and hyde version (im dragondog from artfight if youre curious) and my curiosity has been peaked ever since. i need to know more. your own personal jekyll and hyde designs and story seem so interesting but i rarely see you talk about them which i think is just absolutely criminal.

:00000000

The sacred question has been asked - someone has asked about my ocs-

This is a perfectly okay account to ask this to! It's the closest I've got to a Jekyll and Hyde account after all.

Anyway, thank you so much for asking!!! This ask was gnawing at me in a good way for most of the day while I was away from my computer, considering what information to include and how to explain stuff. It was a lot of fun!

I'm also glad you found them interesting!!!

(Also going to say before I start is that my Jekyll and Hyde versions get very self indulgent which is why I usually keep them to myself so some factors about my story might sound rather weird or seem to come out of left field. Just a heads up.)

So I guess the best place to start would probably be with Jekyll and Hyde themselves?

Like the book, the two of them are basically the same person. When Jekyll turns into Hyde and vice versa, nobody 'takes control', it's more like getting high or drunk where they're still the same person but still act quite different or think differently from each other.

However, they do have differing opinions on each other. Hyde, being a less repressed version of Jekyll, understands a lot of Jekyll's emotions better than him. He knows when Jekyll regrets something or cares more than he wants to let on. Though, as much as he can have these realisations, when he turns back into Jekyll, he tends to dismiss them as 'irrational' thoughts brought on by the potion and not worth considering (aka, the repression kicks in and he refuses to entertain any conclusions he came to as Hyde.)

This leads to a lot of frustration and concerns from Hyde. The knowledge that he has to turn back into Jekyll, whereupon anything he's realised about themself, anything that could help them both, will be instantly dismissed by himself the moment he turns back. No matter how much he writes it down or tells it to himself again and again because it's not forgotten, Jekyll just doesn't want to look at it. And he can't just bother Jekyll as a hallucination ghost like most adaptations. When he turns back, Hyde is gone. Like a stain of breath on glass.

This also leads to fear from Hyde towards his alter ego - If Jekyll ever decided the potion wasn't worth his time and threw it away, Hyde would be unable to do anything about it, would be the one throwing it away in fact. He wouldn't be able to scream or protest or anything. And he enjoys being Hyde. It wouldn't really be death but he enjoys being Hyde so much and hates the monotony of Jekyll so much that it would be like a death.

Luckily, Jekyll isn't planning on throwing the potion out because they do feel the same way and Jekyll enjoys taking the potion and being Hyde just as much (even if he would never actually admit that's the reason). The fear is still there though, ever present.

...I've gotten so deep into explaining their relationship that I have not explained anything else yet, whoops.

Both Jekyll and Hyde have some inhuman traits about them since the first transformation. Jekyll has mildly reflective eyes like a cat but it can only be seen in certain lighting so nobody notices. He also moves with a little too much perfection, a little too graceful, a little lacking in the usual human clumsiness.

Hyde, meanwhile, is just very off putting in many ways. For one is his eyes as shown by this diagram that I made for artfight. (Also his teeth, and his insides being green)

His eyes change shape, a bit like a cartoon character. Other people can, in fact, see this and it is, in fact, weird for them. (He can also probably say <3 and everyone else asks how he just did that with his mouth.)

He also changes based on Jekyll's perception of himself and his 'evils'. This means he can get taller or shorter, or become more obviously monstrous or go back to just being a guy with an uneasy feel about him just based on Jekyll's opinions. If Jekyll starts to fear Hyde and view him as a threat, Hyde changes physically to reflect this.

Personality-wise, Jekyll likes to keep control over every aspect of his life, creating perfect schedules for everything that he's going to do in a day, timing each event down to the minute, designing contingencies in case anything unexpected happens. He can be friendly enough to other people for the sake of his image but he still comes across as rather cold and distant.

Hyde, meanwhile, is obviously free of all this and does whatever he pleases. He tends to be loyal and loving, to the point of being a little too obsessed, and is exceedingly open about how he's feeling. He's also incredibly truthful - he almost never lies about anything but will often fae-rule his way out of anyone realising the real truth. For example, he's very open about being Doctor Jekyll but nobody believes him because he'll just drop it into a conversation and won't elaborate or will elaborate in a way that just sounds even more like a lie. And, of course, Jekyll himself will obviously deny it, so...

Besides that, Jekyll keeps three lab rats, Noir, Spot, and Rose who, due to the potion being used on them, can also change shape like Jekyll and Hyde. As such, Hyde tends to take them with him when he goes out.

(Also, smaller headcanon but Hyde tends to repeat words or phrases twice, "Indeed indeed", "What? What?", etc. Just seemed like a fun addition.)

Next, Lanyon.

Lanyon and Jekyll are on weird terms because they had a fight years back. After seeing Jekyll's science get more and more dangerous over the years, Lanyon was afraid that he would some day hurt himself in a way he couldn't take back or even die from it. After trying to convince Jekyll to stop for ages, Lanyon finally put their foot down and said that, if Jekyll didn't stop, they would leave.

Both Jekyll and Lanyon deeply regret the argument but neither of them can take it back. Jekyll is too stubborn to admit that he was ever in the wrong and Lanyon can't take it back because then they don't have anything else to hold over Jekyll's head to get him to stop.

At least, that was how the fight was initially.

After the potion was taken, Lanyon, who was very close to Jekyll's mad science experiments and was very used to seeing the signs that Jekyll had done something to himself, was the only person who noticed the change. Seeing Jekyll's new changes terrified Lanyon deeply because he knew Jekyll had done something but he didn't know what. Being a rather skittish person, Lanyon was too scared to speak to Jekyll after that, doing all they could to avoid him.

Maybe things could have continued that way with the two avoiding each other. However, after the fight, Lanyon came out as genderfluid.

They had been meddling with their own gender before in quiet but the fight basically gave Lanyon the midlife crisis moment they needed to go "You know what? I don't care about anyone's opinions. I've seen what caring about ones image did to Jekyll and I don't want to be anything like that."

And so came Hastie and Hattie, two names for the same person, just using different pronouns and names based on what Lanyon felt like at the time.

Jekyll, however, was avoiding hearing anything about Lanyon and completely missed this massive piece of information. Jekyll is also notably, very wrapped up in his own very small world and opinions (also, no internet). He has no idea that transness is a thing.

Hence, Jekyll believes that Hastie and Hattie are not the same person but, instead, brother and sister. Lanyon, meanwhile, who was so open and so gossiped about when they first came out, doesn't even realise that anyone could??? not know????? that they're the same?????? Everyone else knows! They don't even look that different!

This all cumulates in one fateful night where Lanyon, going by Hattie, and Hyde meet. The two of them get along like a house on fire, neither caring much for society's rules and both of them being in some way being shunned for their peculiarities. Hyde is much more outgoing and often pushes Lanyon outside of their comfort zone while Lanyon is more level-headed and can often do the planning and thinking that Hyde neglects to keep them both safe.

All the while, Hyde has no idea that he's talking to Hastie and Lanyon has no idea that they're talking to Jekyll.

Personality-wise Lanyon tends to be very down-to-earth and prefers to do things by the book for the most part. Though this is only for the most part - in terms of dealing with other people, Lanyon gets much more expressive, dressing wildly and often doing strange things like taking live geese into a dinner party. While this does allow them to express themselves in some ways that are beneficial to them, like becoming comfortable with their gender identity, some of these behaviours, like the live geese in the dinner party, are very much a way to push away the people around them, afraid of something going wrong after their experiences with Jekyll.

Until they meet Hyde, Utterson is their only friend (which Utterson is quite concerned about, often trying to encourage Lanyon to make more friends.)

Besides that, Lanyon is fond of gardening, collecting crystals, astrology, and yoga. They dabble with a lot of relaxation stuff like chamomile tea, incense, lavender, etc.

Utterson, meanwhile, tends to be the most calm and collected out of the three of them, seemingly unbothered by most of what life throws at him and good at handling even the most stressful situations with ease. Not to mention, he has the most unexpected range of skills and knowledge. Whenever anyone has a problem, he's the number one person to go to for help.

However, for the most part, he fades into the background and tends to remain forgotten until someone needs him for something which leaves him lonely and often desperate for attention while being unable to get it. His work as a lawyer allows him to get fleeting amounts of attention, but it's not quite enough and that often leaves him vulnerable to falling in with bad people.

While Lanyon sees straight through Jekyll, Utterson has fallen quite a bit into seeing Jekyll as innocent and naïve, someone who doesn't fully understand how cruel the world can be and needs to be protected from it. This means, when Hyde shows up and Jekyll changes his will for him, Utterson is quite quickly defensive of Jekyll and aggressive towards Hyde, believing that Hyde has nothing but bad intentions. Hyde, however, is quite head-over-heels for Utterson and determined to seduce him or at least set him up with Jekyll.

While Utterson appears unaffected by anything that crosses his path, this is actually because he has difficulty expressing his emotions, his expression and tone generally remaining static. Only people close to him can generally tell what he's thinking and feeling as a result.

Personality-wise, Utterson is generally quite kindly and generous, often seen giving food and money to the homeless. Though, his morality can be a bit of a roulette wheel at times, willing to do questionable things at times if he deems it for a good enough cause.

In terms of hobbies, he will often bake things for his friends and carried the three of them through university as the only one who could actually cook. He also has a slightly more morbid interest in taxidermy and keeps a room in his house for his work.

(For another smaller headcanon, he and Lanyon tend to get into pun fights, much to Jekyll's agony.)

Then there's Lenore Carew (aka, Lisa Carew, she just got renamed along the way). She makes up the third member of Hyde's little friendship squad with Lanyon. An excitable lady with an interest in the occult and monsters. She and Jekyll were once set to be married but, due to a mutual realisation that neither liked the other in that way, they broke it up. Jekyll has been avoiding her ever since, finding the situation awkward, but Hyde is very much down to be friends with her again.

While she does her best to live up to her family name, being as much of a respectable and graceful lady as she can be, in her spare time she'll often sneak out to go running after whatever haunted house or cryptid sighting she's heard of lately.

The actual reason for her interest is because her mother, before she died, was a prophet, gifted with Sight and Lenore, raised with all these stories of her grandeur and powers, is determined to find a way to awaken those same powers in herself.

However, along the way, these powers actually do start to manifest and, as it turns out, a lot scarier and more difficult to control than she ever realised.

Most particularly, sometimes when she looks at Jekyll, she sees something - or someone - else in his place. She has no idea what these visions mean, whether it's a vision from the future, from the past, or something else entirely.

Personality-wise, while she can excitable and often gets ahead of herself, she can be very kind and compassionate towards others, always the first to slow down and check if someone is okay or to offer a hug to those in need. She can also often show a childish side, enjoying stuffed toys, getting along well with kids, or just playing games.

Uh, so anyway, there's a bunch more but this post is getting long and I've taken all day with this. If I take much longer, it's going to look like I'm not going to answer. I think this is the stuff that most people would be interested in anyway, Lanyon, Utterson, Jekyll, and Hyde. I'm still missing out an explanation of the worldbuilding itself and the antagonists, not to mention little details and side characters like Poole and such.

I fool around with these characters a lot and that means there's more information than I even remember most of the time until something pops into my head and I go "Ohhhh that plot point. That was fun."

Thank you again for the ask!!!!

#quilna's asks #Quilna's ocs #My art

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666writingcafe · 3 months

Text

Knowledge is Power

Satan

I know I shouldn't have checked out this many books from the library, but I couldn't help myself. Being able to finally take whatever I want home with me is rather nice. It's not like the library's open 24/7, and I hate being interrupted mid-sentence simply because it's closing time.

Still, I should have at least grabbed a cart or something before I left the house this morning. I barely have enough hands to carry all these books, and my carefully constructed tower is starting to lean precariously in my arms.

"Would you like some help?" The voice briefly startles me, and I almost turn around to snap at them. But then I realize that it's merely Zephyr, and I try my best to calm down. Unlike a lot of people in this dump, their intentions are genuinely kind; I've never sensed any ulterior motives from them, which is a bit strange for a demon, but for some reason it doesn't bother me too much.

I suppose that's why I simply set the pile of books down on the nearest surface and allow Zephyr to grab some instead of accusing them of thinking that I'm weak and incapable of doing something on my own. They're just trying to do their job as our attendant, and I can't fault them too much for that.

Once we enter my bedroom and set everything down properly, I quietly thank them.

"I'm so glad we're finally allowed to use the library now," I tell them. "I mean, technically we already had access to it thanks to Diavolo, but no one would ever let me check out a book until now." I pause, becoming frustrated. "I suppose it's yet another perk of being named one of the Rulers of the Underworld."

"It irritates you, doesn't it?" Zephyr asks. "That people's opinions are as fickle as they are?"

They took the words right out of my mouth. How did they manage to do that?

"Absolutely. Like, why do I need a title to suddenly become good enough for them? It's ridiculous."

"I agree. Unless you need to do business with those people, I'd recommend keeping your distance from them. They showed their true colors before, and they'll do so again in a heartbeat." I sigh. The fact that they're right is irritating, but it's not their fault. It's simply the state of this fucked up society. They're probably still going to talk shit about us, but it'll be behind our backs now.

Which is honestly worse. At least I knew what people thought of me before.

"Still, what matters is that I have access to all their books now," I state.

"You certainly have a good chunk of them," Zephyr replies, glancing at some of the titles. "Interested in curses, are we?" I nod.

"I'm going to read every last one of these texts until I've mastered the most powerful of curses. I want to bring down that smug, arrogant bastard and make him beg me for mercy."

"What did he do this time?" Zephyr's holding back a smile. My tirades against Lucifer always seem to amuse them, and I'm not entirely sure why. It's not like they think I'm being silly; not only will they listen to me rant about him, but they actively ask me questions that take my feelings into account instead of merely brushing them off.

I've always been too scared to confront them about it, though. Something tells me that they're not one to be messed with, and I don't want to be at the end of their wrath if and when they finally snap.

"The other day, he chained me to my bed and spoon-fed me breakfast like I was a stupid baby unable to hold my own utensils. It was embarrassing."

"Did he say why he was doing it?" I have to remind myself that they're not asking because they're trying to justify his actions. It's the only thing that helps me remain calm.

"He said he didn't have a choice, that I'd end up destroying the whole house otherwise. But, if I promised to 'behave myself', he'd let me go."

"And you don't like him telling you what to do."

"Exactly! And then he was all like, 'come on, say aaah' and 'here comes the airplane' and shit! He even pinched my nose to force me to open my mouth! He treated the whole thing like it was a joke!" Zephyr takes a deep breath, appearing to hold back laughter.

"You'll have to forgive me, Satan. My sense of humor tends to go in that direction," they explain, clearly sensing my impending anger. "However, that doesn't excuse what he did to you. You're not a zoo animal, but a fully realized person. He needs to respect that."

I can't go off on them now. They're at least trying to take me seriously. Everyone else would have busted out laughing upon hearing that particular antidote.

"Do you have some spare paper?" Zephyr suddenly asks.

"You know, I'm not sure. Until recently, I've not been able to do much exploring. You can check inside that desk there." I point towards it, and MC walks over and begins opening up drawers. Once they find what they're looking for, they sit down, pull a pen out of their pocket, and start writing.

"What are you doing?"

"It's best to start out with something simple. Once you've mastered the fundamentals--which I'm sure you will in fairly short order--then you can move on to more complex topics."

At first, I'm confused as to what they're talking about. They can be annoyingly vague sometimes.

And then it hits me.

"Are you indulging me?" I ask. The smirk on Zephyr's face as they hand me the now-folded piece of paper answers my question.

"Don't tell anyone. I don't want a certain someone yelling at me about it for hours on end." I'm truly speechless.

"Practice it a few times first, preferably out of the house," they continue. "If any of your brothers get hit with this curse, Lucifer will know you're up to no good, and he'll chain you up faster than you can begin uttering the first few words of it to him." They briefly pause,

'To that effect, when you do finally use it on him, make sure it's when he least expects it. It's not going to work if he can see it coming from a mile away.

I know I look like a starstruck little kid at a candy store at the moment, because I certainly feel like one. I think this is the nicest thing anyone's done for me.

"If you need anything, I'm going to attempt to get in the shower," they call out as they walk out of my room, leaving me standing frozen in shock.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr

#obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #obey me satan #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #so little tag update #my dental appointment yesterday was just a consultation #i actually don't get my wisdom teeth out until the 26th #😭#at least they don't hurt at the moment

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thenightfolknetwork · 10 months

Note

Back when I was in school, I thought it'd be great fun to create an urban legend or local cryptid. I got some friends together, managed up some costumes, snuck out at night, wandered around looking creepy. And it was; great fun, that is. Sure we were all tired the next day whenever we did that, had weird scrapes and bruises from stumbling around in the dark, and at most we ever heard someone mention that they thought they saw "an animal" out where we were lurking; but we were out with friends, doing something we probably weren't supposed to do, we were young, it was wonderful.

We grew up, as tends to happen. We found more interesting things to do late at night. A bunch of us moved away, including myself. Gradually, we mostly lost touch with each other. I mean I could probably still contact all of them if I really needed to, it would just be awkward. I never mentioned those "adventures" to anyone, because as I got older, it just seemed more and more embarrassing, plus -- as I came to realize -- INCREDIBLY insensitive to the creature community. For the last few years, I've been trying to forget all about it.

Until recently. I was chatting with my mother on the phone, and she mentioned that in the past few weeks, there have been Sightings in the area. She'd never shared it before now, because it was just some minor local gossip, except she'd seen it herself the day before; just a glimpse, but what she described, it matched how we'd dressed up, how we'd moved, even the places we'd done "appearances" in.

My first rational thought was that maybe she'd known the whole time -- as a kid, you're a lot worse at being sneaky than you think you are -- and this was just a very time-delayed prank on me. But I looked into it, and it's not just her telling this to me; I won't bore you with the details, but if this is her prank on me, it's better planned and coordinated than most military operations.

There's three explanations I can think of. The first is that one of my friends has decided to start it up again, after all these years, for whatever reason; or they'd shared it with someone who decided to do the same. On the face of it, this would be easy to check, but that's not taking into account the crippling awkwardness that doing so would entail, plus I know for a fact that the person who'd be my best suspect for doing this, doesn't live within easy travel of the place any more. There's other reasons that make this option seem unlikely to me, but they involve personal details I'm not going to share.

The other possible explanations I can think of, are more up your alley. That either somehow a bunch of dumb kids managed to close-enough replicate what an actual being, that actually exists, is like, and now one of them is there, maybe as a coincidence, or maybe to find the "other one" (which never actually existed, because it was just us). Or that somehow, that same bunch of dumb kids managed to accidentally CREATE a being. To put it in the silliest possible way that my brain keeps repeating on endless loop, accidental catfishing or accidental parenthood.

Should I look into this further? Do I need to swallow the awkwardness and talk to the others? Come clean in public with what we'd done? (I don't think any of it was technically illegal, plus we were children at the time, but it would still be even more awkward than my current benchmark for 'extremely awkward'.) Is it none of my business? Should I start actively hiding any involvement? I go back there about once a year, to visit my parents, and it's a few months still before I'd be expected, so I have time, but I'd need to have a plan in place first.

First of all, reader, I'm glad to hear you have since come to understand how incredibly inappropriate and insensitive your actions were when you were a teenager. I hope young sapios today are a little better educated on the matter of treating liminal cultures and identities with respect, but I confess, it is not a particularly robust hope.

I hear your concerns that you and your friends may have participated in some kind of accidental manifestation. I think I can put those fears to bed. Bringing forth an entity through the power of imagination alone is an astonishingly difficult feat, and one which requires a great deal of concentration, dedication and, frankly, natural magical talent. It would be unusual to the point of near impossibility for a group of teenage pranksters to stumble their way through such a working without knowing it, and even more unlikely that the effects of that working should remain hidden for so long.

I think it equally unlikely that you somehow happened upon an accurate representation of an existing, but as yet unknown, genus. The creature community is vast and varied, and the chances of you managing to cobble together anything like an accurate representation of a genus you've never seen before seems highly unlikely.

However, there is always the possibility of… let us call it “suggestion”. When you think back to that period, is there anything you can remember that motivated you to design the costume as you did? If you can trace your inspiration directly to, say, a particular book or a certain film, then we can set this aside as a possibility.

But if at any point you felt your decisions were driven by something less tangible – if it felt as if “inspiration” had struck, and you moved by shared instinct, all seeming to strive for the same end without communicating that end to one another – then we might start to consider the possibility of external influence.

This could also explain why these sightings have started again. Rather than being a living creature suddenly coming out of hiding, this sudden apparition seems more likely to be another group of young sapios, subject to the same external influence as you and your friends were all those years ago, compelled to don the same costumes and cavort in the same places.

Quite why anyone or anything would be exerting psychic/phasmic influence to this end, I can't guess. There doesn't seem to be any harm in it, apart from inducing sapio teens into insensitive behaviour – and let's be honest, it's even odds they would have done that anyway. And in any case, I think this explanation falls firmly in the “none of your business” side of things.

I say, draw a line under the affair, and move on. Someone in your town may be playing silly buggers, but as an erstwhile silly bugger yourself, I'm sure you can allow them their bit of fun.

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#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies

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