#this thought brought to you by knowing my mom will think im insane if i meet someone ive talked to almost daily for 11 years online lol

[eepy-evie]

Twisted Wonderland Senior Headcanons

A/N: i am very tired as i write this, BIBI is saving my life force. I just got screamed at by my mom but the fans (no one) can’t wait 😎. Im sorry Lilia’s is kind of short, im pretty high and have been pushing this off for days.

Contents: Various non romantic headcanons for the seniors in TWST

Trigger warnings (if any): Religion mentions (Trey’s + Leona’s + Vil’s + Rook’s + Idia’s part), eating disorders (Vil’s part), stalking mentions (Rook’s part… no surprise), minor adult themes (idia’s part)

Trey Clover

I might have this feeling only because i also bake but he has beef with multiple people about bread.

Like i mean people spreading misinformation (NO YOU DO NOT NEED TO ADD SUGAR INTO BREAD, IT DOESN’T DO MUCH)

Besides my personal beef with ig bakers…

He doesn’t listen to music, lofi background stuff at best.

He’d listen to anything someone put on with no complaint but he doesn’t feel the need for music for mundane things

With his obsession with brushing teeth i feel like he loves mint

Like i mean spearmint gum constantly, mint chocolate chip ice cream, idk mint leaves in drinks?

Bro can not understand if someone else doesn’t like mint

I believe he is an Atheist living in a Christian household

Its probably brought up rarely but he just doesn’t really believe that saying grace before dinner does anything

I think he’s way too empathetic for his own good, i mean like excusing lots of harmful things due to how someone was raised

(Totally didn’t mean to refer to Riddle but whatevs)

Cater Diamond

Get this man into kpop NOW

I feel he is rivaling Idia with his, honestly abusive, amount of slang

I dont think anyone who isn’t chronically online could stand to hear his thoughts

Or who isn’t insanely mentally unstable

But he pulls shit like “she=onika ate=burgers” every single chance he gets

Which i wont blame him for that, i pull medieval slang every second i can too

He loves brittany broski with his whole heart and soul

Not only is she funny as hell but she can also be very serious in a blink of an eye

On the low he enjoys those insider videos

He likes watching them and pausing them to argue the point to no one

Going back to kpop briefly…

He loves Aespa

Do i know any of the members of Aespa to tell you my assumed bias? No.

Also loves Zerobaseone

Ricky bias

Although i may be biased (oh my a silly pun, you scoundrel)

I do believe that he is a funny person but he is very repressed

I dont mean to make this a whole angst post but he genuinely doesn’t understand how he can express it

He is very sensitive to rejection so i think that leads him to extreme lengths to be liked

And I’m not just talking about how he acts a certain way to please others

I mean a deep rooted guilt for not being what someone wanted

Leona Kingscholar

…all my headcanons for him are purely how I’d personally treat him

Someone get this man a mukbang video and a comfy bed

He barely listens to music but when he does its some rnb stuff

He doesnt care for stuff thats too loud but he does like soft music even if he isnt open about it

I need to make him see nekomimi switch, twitter.gov, and anything else that has catgirls/boys so i can see his reaction

I dont think he holds many physical attributes to lions besides the ears, tail, and teeth but he most definitely holds many reactions and other stuff

Like he is literally sleeping in a garden most the time

He has long(er) nails and hates cutting them

Erm… idk man

I think he had a big Religious breakdown in his childhood

I dont really know what Religion he’d be to start with(due to my lack of knowledge of Religion in Africa) but he’d have the whole moment of betrayal

And then he’s completely Atheist for the rest of his life

Vil Schoenheit

He has a side account where he responds to all his hate comments

For music taste… hear me out…

He likes, on the low, vkei

But no metal like kaneto juusei or gulu gulu I mean malice mizer

He enjoys the instrumental along with the twists they take on classical

Moi meme motie x Vil Schoenheit collab when???

He 100% doesn’t express it though, he tells the public he likes whatever’s popular

I feel like, this may or may not be me projecting, he’s a hellenist

Obviously worshipping Aphrodite and has an altar for her which he never publicly speaks of but is not hiding

heres a bit of TW for eds + that type of stuff

I feel like he has an extremely bad relationship with food

He doesnt see it as something to nourish your body but instead a sort of numbers game

Like with a limit of however much someone says and the whole game is to stay under that number in calories

Besides that i feel he’s very orthorexic to the point he’d refuse to eat something if it looked too “bad” to him

(End of tw)

I know he has a very argued gender identity but i dont think he’s too confused by it

He’s very firm that he is who he is and he never seemed to have much of an inside problem with it

Maybe he got poked fun at a few times but thats all his problems with it

Rook Hunt

Get this man away from me

He is in many fandoms and somehow knows everything going on all the time

Bro personally took down Nayeon’s stalker by himself

But seriously i dont think his intentions are bad, i think he is just trying to be on top of everything in the worst was possible

He doesn’t really think its creepy himself but most the time he is

He is also a Hellenist who worships Aphrodite but also Artemis

He is so very open about his Religion

He makes those hopecore videos on tiktok and has amassed 10k followers but no one knows its him

Yearns to be in the south/midwest for the scenery

Just yearns in general

Bro is single handedly bringing back male yearning and being chalant

Saw bridgerton as a normal tuesday for him

1000 hours on c.ai

I will not, and should not, elaborate.

Is that projecting? Yes. Do i care? No.

He has the longest and some how most effective body/skincare routine ever

I mean like he’d do some shit like “once in a blue moon bath in pure hyaluronic acid for 2.5 hours on the dot”

He loves absolutely everything on everyone and its to a detriment to me personally

Hooked nose? Loved. Chubby? Love. Literally anything unconventional? Consider yourself yearned for.

He listens to anything and everything

Although he cant stand songs about break ups or anything to do with hate

Put this man on “doughnut” by TWICE now.

Idia Shroud

Yes… give me this nerdy man…

He 100% (mostly canon) loves jpop idols

Prolly an akb48 stan

I cant even get started on everything he likes

But i can tell y’all 100% that he is not overly flirty or overly easy to fluster

Istg all i see is either big dom idia or uwu shy boy idia

And both are wrong (in my opinion ig)

He starts arguments about anything and everything in game chats

Because he’s grown up in this big company family he was forced to appear better that how he truly acts so i believe that would also entail with being a die hard hellenist

But without any spotlights he does care, he just likes his games and anime

Speaking of anime…

He loves shoujo, he’s in hiding though

He literally wants to be sawako from “from me to you” but will never say it

Somebody come get this man

If anyone asks he just loves Naruto and One Piece

But we know the truth…

Istg he plays an absurd amount of eroges for the plot

He’s depraved on twitter

Two accounts, one for public image and the other for the unspeakable

Do NOT let him find any dating advice on there cause he will take it and act like a fool

He loves breakcore music and anime intros and thats about it

Besides his jpop idols

I dont think he like kpop, for some reason he just has a grudge against some fans

A little self insert but he 100% has autism (as we all know…) but he also has arfid

For those who dont know… arfid is “avoidant restrictive food intake disorder” which is like you are a very picky eater

He aint struggling with it, he succeeding (LYING)

Malleus Draconia

Get this man a cat or some shit like that

Can someone please make him watch all of aphmau Minecraft diaries and then twilight back to back

This strange individual has that man from the notebook shaking in fear

Bros a hopeful romantic

Randomly says inspiration quotes that you cant find anywhere online

It just came from his heart

He only listens to classical songs he knows how to play

Though i’d doubt if you showed him something he’d dislike it

Bros the yearner

I showed up to the yearning contest and went into anaphylactic shock at the sight of him there

He has honestly researched every single religion for fun

Highlight god damn bible verses for no reason

He needs to make an iceberg of every single religion and why they are good/bad

I just know he has an insane knowledge of lore in any book he’s ever read

Please make him watch smiling friends

You’d have to pause every 5 seconds so he can process it

You could make him do anything tbh, just be like “you should come watch *whatever it is* with me” and bro is outside your door

For shame with the amazing attention towards practically anyone who shows anything besides fear or hatred comes the fact he is unaware of most modern things

He has a tamagotchi and thats it man, get him a 3ds at least

He cant use a phone, cant use a computer, and barely understands the concept of social media

But at least he has the spirit to learn

Lilia Vanrouge

Do i even put him as a senior?

Bro is pushing some mystical number that no one knows

He’s like one of those grandmas that never mention their age and whenever its brought up all they say is “never ask a woman her age”

… perchance a bit controversial but i think he’s bad at cooking on purpose

Ain’t no way someone fucks up cooking THAT bad

I think he really likes horror games

And i dont mean those shitty mascot horrors like poppys playtime

I mean fatal frame, faith, and visage type shit

He listens to breakcore too

I dont make the rules

Hes a gamer grandpa so he either has to have pretty good taste in games/music or the absolute worst

HE’D LOVE GULU GULU AND VKEI

Hes practically already mana sama

Hes got all the moi meme motie dresses

Get grandpa off taobao NOW

I want my nyanya madoka dress, and i will not be stopped by some twinkish old man.

[carelisswriting]

I wrote something based off a prompt by @epkot94 https://at.tumblr.com/epkot94/dp-x-dc-idea-time-so-eventually-danny-tells-jazz/8wbwdhtc71pm

 I hope y’all like this, this is the first bit of my writing I’m posting on Tumblr! I also crossposted this on Ao3, which is https://archiveofourown.org/works/45308998 

Btw, I adore @proshipper-on-ship and @kine-iende thinking of Dan calling Danny ‘Mom’, so that’s in here too!

EDIT: @lenacraft drew some amazing fan art of the Phantom royal family here! https://at.tumblr.com/lenacraft/im-still-trying-to-figure-out-how-i-wanna/u0n7lg2g8eo9

---

Dan liked being one of the ‘good guys’, don’t get him wrong. He enjoyed saving people, and being seen as a superhero. What he didn’t like was being on a team.

Oh he could work with them just fine, but Ancients did they get on his nerves. Superman constantly checking in on him, Batman trying to figure out his identity (he didn’t have one in this universe anyway, take that asshole), Flash trying to befriend him. All in all, Dan was not a fan of his coworkers. (Ellie insisted that he secretly liked them, but she was wrong and also being very annoying about it.)

They were being particularly annoying today. Flash hadn’t stopped talking for the last 20 minutes. They were all in the main meeting room, for some sort of meeting. Honestly, Dan hadn’t been paying attention, so he had no clue why they were all here. Batman was droning on at the front of the room, something about a cult? Dan had no clue, and really didn’t care enough to listen.

He was idly tossing his thermos (which he still hadn’t told the Justice League the purpose of) back and forth when John Constantine burst into the room.

“We’ve got a problem.” He said, slightly out of breath.

Everyone had stopped talking when he burst in, turning to stare at the man. Batman sighed, before asking “What is it?”

Constantine came up to the table they were all sat around, setting down an ancient looking book across the table from Dan. He noticed that the title was in something similar to Ghostspeak. Interesting. He wasn’t gonna tell any of his coworkers about it, though. They all thought he was an alien, which technically he was, and it would be suspicious for him to know some random magical language, even vaguely.

“Someone is summoning powerful entities from a dimension parallel to ours, using this book.” Constantine said, gesturing to the book “I brought my copy, but I don’t know how to stop these beings.”

“Why?” Batman grunted out the question, already flipping through the old book.

Constantine sighed aggressively, pulling out a cigarette. He lit it, before answering sarcastically “I don’t know, maybe because they’re significantly more powerful than most beings from this dimension? Maybe because they have an insane set of abilities?”

Batman grunted in acknowledgement, turning back to the book.

A few moments passed, before everyone started talking, shouting questions over each other. Dan sighed. This was going to be a long day.

\(oo)/

A few hours passed, everyone still trying to figure out what the hell to do. Well, almost everyone. Dan had long since given up on planning, playing a game on his phone under the table. It wasn’t like anything could actually be a threat to him, and if it was? He’d just call Danny. He’d prefer if his coworkers figured something out, however, so he hadn’t bothered telling them about the fact that he could probably deal with whatever this was in a snap. If they still hadn’t figured anything out in the next hour, he’d deal with it.

Wonder Woman looked up from the book Constantine had summoned for her to read through, hoping it had answers.

“Where are these entities from? You didn’t say what dimension it was.” She asked.

Dan realized that no one had thought to ask that anytime in the last few hours. Seriously? He knew that most of his coworkers were stupid when it came to magic and stuff like it, but seriously? He slipped his phone back into his pocket, wanting to see where this was going.

Constantine glanced up from where he was studying a leatherbound tome. Dan couldn’t see what it was about from here, but he bet it was unhelpful, considering how much Constantine had been glaring at it over the last few minutes.

“The Infinite Realms. It’s an extremely dangerous dimension, home to the dead.” Constantine answered, his tone grim.

Dan couldn’t help it. He chuckled. His coworkers looked at him like he was insane, which only caused him to laugh harder. He bent over the table, laughing.

“Something funny, Phantom?” Batman asked, glaring at him.

(Dan had stolen Danny’s superhero name, it was his first anyway. And besides, everyone found it hilarious, including Danny.)

Dan theatrically wiped a tear from his eye before replying “Yeah, it’s so damn funny that he said that with a straight face. I mean, c’mon, ‘extremely dangerous’? Maybe if you’re an idiot.”

Superman raised an eyebrow at Dan, before exchanging a look with Batman.

“Have you been to these ‘Infinite Realms’?” Superman asked, voice calm.

Dan snorted “Yeah, of course. Ancients, if the problem’s just some guy summoning ghosts, I’m just gonna call my mom.” Dan could deal with it himself, but where was the fun in that?

He pulled out his phone again, dialing Danny’s number. The ‘mom’ thing had started as a joke, but honestly? It fit Danny so well, and Ellie already called him that, so why shouldn’t Dan?

“Why are you-“ Flash asked, before being cut off by Batman.

Batman glared at Dan “What are you doing.” He asked flatly.

Dan laughed, waiting for Danny to pick up.

“Calling my mom, duh.”

Batman gave an aggravated sigh, and went to speak.

Danny picked up, and Dan immediately started talking, cutting off whatever Batman was about to say.

“Hey, so, apparently some asshole is summoning ghosts and causing problems over here. Thought I’d have you deal with it.” Dan said, explaining quickly. The Justice League stared at him, shocked and very confused. Dan hadn’t told them anything about his family, so their reactions were pretty justified.

Danny sighed “Not even gonna say hello?”

Dan sarcastically cut him off “Hello!”

Danny sighed again, but Dan could tell he was amused. They shared a sense of humor, Ellie had the same one too. Perks of being a clone/evil future self and their original/past self (Their relationships were all kinds of funky, but it worked for them.)

“You said someone is summoning ghosts? I’ll be there in a sec.” Danny said, before hanging up.

Dan put his phone away, finally glancing at his coworkers. They all looked extremely confused, except Batman who was fuming, and Constantine who looked wary.  

“Who was that?” Batman growled.

Dan looked at him, the picture of innocent confusion.

“I already told you, my mom. He’ll be here in a moment.”

Dan could see Flash mouthing ‘he?’ to himself a few seats away. Dan relished in the sense of confusion he was causing. It was extremely funny watching his coworkers flounder in the face of Dan’s sheer chaos.

Constantine took a moment to speak “I don’t think-“

He was cut off as a green portal opened up in the middle of the room, above the table. Everyone, excluding Dan, went still as it appeared.

“What the-“ Superman started to say, as Batman pulled out a weapon. They were both startled by a white and black blur flying out of the portal and attaching itself to Dan.

Dan was knocked out of his seat as Ellie bowled him over. He tumbled down to the floor, falling flat on his back. Ellie grinned at him, sitting on his chest.

“Got you!” she gleefully yelled out. Dan chuckled, gently shoving her off him. He sat up, and was greeted with his coworkers, who all looked ready for a fight. Their faces switched to confusion when Dan just blankly stared at them.

“What’s up?” He said, slightly sarcastically.

Ellie floated into the air, hanging upside down in front of Dan.

“Well, you were just tackled by someone they don’t know.” She pointed out, a grin on her face.

Dan sighed, gesturing to Ellie “Please meet my little sister, Ellie. She’s an annoyance.”

Ellie smacked him on the shoulder, before flipping around so that she was facing the Justice League, and also so that she was right side up.

“Hi! It’s nice to finally meet Dan’s friends!” She said, darting away when Dan attempted to hit her.

“They’re not my friends! We’re coworkers!” he shouted as she flew to the corner of the room, sticking her tongue out at him.

He sighed, before looking at his coworkers. Most of them were still stuck in a state of confusion, and Flash hesitantly asked “I thought your mom was coming?”

“Oh yeah.” Dan said, before yelling over to Ellie “Where the hell is Mom?”

Ellie floated closer “He was right behind me, so-“

The portal, which had slipped the Justice League’s minds when faced with the chaos that is Ellie, sparked as Danny stepped out, before it flickered out of existence.

Immediately, the aura of Danny’s power settled over the room. Being the King of the Infinite Realms afforded someone a lot of power, and death magic always affected people more than other magics. Also, the crown, ring, and cape made him look very intimidating. Combine that with his imposing stature (inherited from Jack) and he was downright terrifying. It was a comforting thing to Dan, who was used to Danny’s powerful presence. To the Justice League, however, it felt like the Grim Reaper himself had just come for the souls.

Danny looked around, spotting Ellie floating up above the table.

“Ellie, I told you not to scare them! We want to make a good impression.” He said, Ellie immediately darting down to stand next to him.  

“Sorry Mom, I just wanted to say hi!” Ellie defended.

Danny sighed, ruffling her hair.

The Justice League looked so confused. Constantine looked like he was about to throw up.

“That’s… King Phantom.” Constantine said, shocked, before he scrambled to stand in front of the Justice League.

“We didn’t mean to offend, I swear-“ Constantine started, before Danny cut him off.

“Dude, it’s fine. I just came cause Dan asked.” Danny said with a chuckle, slightly uncomfortable. He had gotten better at the formalities that came with kingship, but he still wasn’t that comfortable when people begged for his mercy, understandably.

It seemed to hit everyone then. That this terrifying man, and king, was who Dan had been referring to when he said ‘Mom’.

While his coworkers processed his chaotic family, Dan floated over them to stand next to his mom.

Danny smiled, ruffling Dan’s hair. They were almost the same height now, so Danny didn’t even have to stretch to reach it.

“How have you been? I know we talk everyday, but it’s not the same as seeing you in person.” Danny said, a soft smile on his face.

“I’ve been fine, Mom. It’s nice, helping people.” Dan replied.

Danny beamed at him “I’m happy it’s working out!”

“Yeah, and you haven’t even tried to kill someone!” Ellie cut in, a smirk on her face.

Dan reached out automatically to swat at her, but she dodged.

The Justice League seemed to snap out of their shock.

They are started to talk at once, before Batman yelled “Quiet!” over top of the noise.

“I believe introductions are in order.” He said, before muttering under his breath “especially as they’re some sort of royalty.”

Dan hadn’t told them about his enhanced hearing, so Batman had no way of knowing that the three ghosts could hear him perfectly. Dan and Ellie shared a smirk at how done the man sounded with them.

Danny clapped his hands, startling some of Dan’s coworkers.

“Yes, you are correct! Danny Phantom, King of the Infinite Realms, at your service!” Danny said cheerily.

Ellie spoke next “Ellie Phantom, Princess of the Infinite Realms.”

They both looked expectantly at Dan, who sighed.

“Dan Phantom, Prince of the Infinite Realms.”

Technically, he was also sort of the king, but it had been a different Infinite Realms that he conquered, so this one had decided he was a prince. He was fine with it, honestly being King sounded annoying.

Predictably, that led to another outcry from his coworkers. Constantine looked like he was having a mental breakdown.

When they had settled down, Superman asked “You’re a prince?”

Flash chimed in “Also, your superhero name is just your last name?”

“You’re the prince of the Infinite Realms. The place the entities are from?” Wonder Woman added.

Dan rolled his eyes at the questions, before looking at Danny pleadingly. Danny sighed, but answered the questions for him.

“Yes, we are the royal family of the Infinite Realms. And the beings there are called ‘ghosts’, by the way. Also, Flash, it was a superhero name before it was a last name.”

If anything, that answer made Flash even more confused.

Ellie stuck out her tongue at Dan “If you just told them about us, you wouldn’t have to deal with all these questions!” she sang out.

Dan groaned “Can you stop it for two seconds?”

“Nope!”

“I swear to the Ancients, I’m gonna-“

“Settle down, you two.” Danny cut in, stopping the argument.

Dan and Ellie gave him matching pouts. They loved arguing with each other over nothing, it was fun.

Danny sighed, before turning back to the Justice League.

“So, Dan said that you’ve got a ghost problem?”

Batman stepped forward.

“Yes. Someone is summoning ‘ghosts’ into our world and causing havoc. Constantine doesn’t know who, but they need to be stopped.”

Danny closed his eyes for a moment.

“Okay, got it. Some asshole in Central City.”

Constantine startled “How do you know where he is? I couldn’t find him, even with my most powerful tracking spells!” He shouted, before a look of immediate regret came over his face. He probably just remembered that he was yelling at a death god, or close to one.

Danny dropped his smile, his eyes going blank. His presence seemed to double, a crushing sense of doom coming over the room. Constantine realized just how much he screwed up.

“The Realms is connected to all, especially those who are going to die shortly.” He said, flatly.

Dan chuckled slightly at Danny’s scary act, sharing an eyeroll with Ellie. Danny tried so hard to be intimidating, and it never really worked.

(Meanwhile, the entire Justice League is trying not to faint. Constantine really needs a drink.)

Superman shook it off first, asking “Going to die shortly? Are you going to kill him?” his voice pitched down at the end, trying to sound threatening.

Danny laughed, the crushing aura receding “No, of course not!”

Superman nodded, relieved.

“I’m just not gonna stop the others from doing it!” Danny continued.

Immediately, the mood of the room plummeted.

“What do you mean?” Batman asked.

Danny gave them a sharp smile, Ellie and Dan mirroring it on either side.

“He is enslaving my people, Batman. I’m sure they’ll want justice for that.”

Danny turned, opening another portal above the table.

“I’ll go deal with the asshole. Ellie, Dan, let’s go.” Danny said, smiling at them.

Ellie patted Dan on the head, before darting through the portal.

Dan looked out at the Justice League.

“I’ll be back in a bit, don’t wait up.” He said. He was definitely going to take advantage of his family coming to visit him, he wanted to hang out with them a bit. Maybe show them Gotham? He knew Danny and Ellie would get a kick out of it.

With that, Dan walked into the portal.

Danny surveyed the Justice League for a moment.

“Thank you for helping Dan. Don’t be too annoying to him over all this, okay?” His words were light, but his tone was anything but.

Batman nodded seriously.

Danny smiled, stepping through the portal to go keep his kids from getting into too much trouble.

(Constantine looked seriously at Batman “Don’t call me for the next week, I need to get drunk. To deal with all…that.”)

 ---

Tag List! 

@seraphinedemort @ever-changing-weirdo-3100 @thewondersoflebanon @botwadtict @akikkobara @sailor-goddess @dontfightmecauseillcry 

[moodymisty]

(This isn't a request, just some Konrad daydreams driven by 4am insomnia that had me screeching and I just have to share with someone while I wait for my meds to kick in!!)

Your recent post about the stinky rat man got me thinking of something truly, hilariously awful: Konrad's favorite meow meow is a PERPETUAL.

Maybe he watches her die. Maybe he accidentally kills her himself. Whatever happens, he'd probably be losing. his. fucking. mind.

..And then she comes back. Oh god, I'm loving imagining at how truly deranged he would be over that. I know he tortures Vulkan SUPER HARD after finding out he's a perpetual, but that seemed driven a lot by "You think you're good and noble(and sane)? I'll drag you down to my level."

I wonder if he'd mistake her as some kind of phantom/delusion brought on by grief and madness at first. Extra comedy: he accidentally(purposely?) kills her again while freaking out over her showing back up alive LMAO. Meow meow can't catch a fuckin' break with this man.

Now I'm wondering how a few other primarchs would react to something similar though

Sanguinius and his sons in mourning and his dead wife just shows back up like "Why did you bury me alive?!" completely unaware she DIED.

Perturabo's shitass sons being like "I told you it was a waste of time!" and then the horror of realizing they didn't escape their step-mom after all.

I'd assume all the primarchs would try to find out what the fuck happened, and maybe go to Malcador for information once they start drawing blanks? Idk.

Fulgrim would so cute, just hyped as fuck. "I have a wife? That won't get old and die before me?? I don't have to lose this one???" Bonus points if she's the last one he was going to marry because he got too heartbroken seeing his wives get old and die over and over 😫 the queen and her corgis vibe forreal

I can't really figure out Mortarion even though he's one of my faves. On one hand, WITCH!! On the other hand,he'd be so relieved the One Good Thing in his life isn't actually gone forevet..

Oh my g o d. Lorgar. Thefucking goddess shit would go CRAZY. Kor Phaeron slamming his head against a wall because he thought he finally WON. HOW DID SHE DO THAT? Some of his followers getting spooked about being rid of her because s u r e l y it was the Powers who orchestrated such a miracle... So maybe she is meant to be here? Uh oh.

Guilliman is another one I'm just like ????. All I can think of, is he'd quietly go find Emps/Malcador and be like "whattheFUCK? explain?please?how?"

It might be because I'm heavily sedated but it's all sO funny to think about. Some legions quietly rejoicing because The Distraction is gone and shejust. Comes back 😭

But can you imagine the parties thrown by the ones who really loved their legion mothers?! And you thought theFUNERAL was extravagant..

Im not sure what time it is there but I hope you slept well and have a good morning! Sorry forcthis stream of consciousness garbage by theway LOL but you always have such cool takes on things I couldnt help muself

This a joy to read friend, I have nothing to add.

Lorgar in particular with a perpetual beloved would be fucking INSANE. His whole religious trauma would be going wild as well as even some of the more apprehensive Word Bearers might be a bit more, respectful.

Imaging Vulkan's wife ends up coming back a few weeks after they desperately mourned her loss, and it's time for the galaxy's largest hug. They form a line.

[bullet-prooflove]

Traditions - Angel Reyes x Reader

Part of @storiesofsvu Holiday Bingo! The square was Decorations!

Tagging: @witches-unruly-heart @keyweegirlie @trhett21 @annetje @infinity-mars @danzer8705 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @thatonesexycancerian @weiwei0210 @anime-weeb-4-life @multifandomloversworld @harperdoodle @cheyrenee @fanfic-n-tabulous @deliriousfangirl61 @daydreaming-belle @est1887 @thanossexual @creativitybeware @librarian1002 @mortal--soul @buddinglinguist @spookyboogyuniverse @spaghettificationandpretzels @joyfulfxckery @nu1freakshow @thebaileybugle @legally-a-bastard @bonsaijoons @justreblogginfics '@crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @withakindheartx @storiesofsvu

Following on from the Taken!Series

It’s the first time since Marisol’s death that Felipe’s house is being decorated for Christmas. Angel, EZ and Felipe don’t usually celebrate the season, instead they have a couple of beers, watch a few movies and let the day pass them by. You’re not much different. You’ve been on your own since your Nana died, you used to spend the day in the fields with your music on, collecting buds or in the apothecary making the balm that soothes away all of those aches and pains. Now there’s a child in the mix things are different. Angel’s decided to go all out and that apparently includes buying the largest Christmas tree known to man.

“She’s four months old.” You remind Angel as him and EZ wrestle with getting the tree through the front door. “I don’t think she minds how big the tree is.”

“I tried to tell him.” EZ tells you as he guides the trunk into the stand and begins to twist the pins that hold it in place. “But he was adamant, it had to be this one. I think Valeria’s first Christmas is making him a little nuts.”

“Then I guess we’re doing this thing.” You say, your palm brushing over Valeria’s fine dark hair as she snuggles even deeper into your chest.

“You are doing this thing.” EZ corrects you, kissing his niece on the top of the head. “I have hampers to deliver, you get to deal with all of his madness.”

“Traitor.” You accuse as you walk him to the door.

EZ gives you that shit-eating grin of his as you shoot him the middle finger. You watch him climb on his bike, raising Valeria’s hand to wave goodbye before you close the door behind him. When you turn to face the tree, it feels like it’s even bigger than it was two minutes ago. You can hear Angel in the other room, rooting through the box of decorations that he’d brought down from the attic.

“OK kid, your dad’s gone a little crazy but we’re gonna lean it into it ok?” You say to Valeria as her tiny fist grips the fabric of your shirt. “We’re just gonna lean right into it.”

***

Valeria is asleep by the time you’ve finished decorating the living room. The tree glows from the corner of the room, bathing it in a warm light as the two of you sit on the floor alongside Valeria’s bassinet. The scent of pine floods your nostrils, the sound of Bing Crosby’s Christmas album playing on the decade’s old stereo. You’re both drinking hot chocolate, not the instant kind. One made from traditional cocoa, something Angel had picked up along with the whipped cream and marshmallows.

It's perfect, this moment. Your little family taking a breath and enjoying the holidays. It’s been a hell of a year with everything that happened with Skye and then your recovery but you’re here celebrating the holiday season with your lover and daughter.

“You know, I thought you’d gone a little insane with all of this but now I get it.” You say as you survey the room, the tiny family heirlooms on the mantlepiece, the fairy lights intermingled with the wreath. “It’s beautiful.”

“You thought I’d lost my mind, didn’t you?” Angel teases as his lips brush over your temple.

“A little.” You admit, taking a sip of your hot chocolate. “But I get it. You want the perfect Christmas for our little girl, something like the ones you remember from your childhood.”

“My mom used to make it so special.” Angel tells you as his gaze comes to rest on the tiny handmade ornaments he’d made with his mom once upon a time. “Even when we were grown, we’d still come over, help her decorate. I want traditions like that with Valeria, with you...”

His hand comes to rest upon your stomach, his thumb smoothing over the place where his son resides. He knows it’s a boy, he can feel it in his bones. “Our new baby.”

“You haven’t told anyone right?” You murmur, your palm coming to rest upon his. “It’s still too early.”

“No Mi Reina I haven’t.” He says, tipping your chin up so you can meet his gaze. There’s such love in those eyes, such tenderness, such adoration. His lips brush over yours and it’s the sweetest kiss, so soft, so meaningful. His thumb ghosts along the line of your jaw and he smiles just a little as you moan into his mouth. “Isn't that what got us here in the first place?”

He draws away as Valeria mumbles grumbles in her sleep, his gaze slipping to his daughter.

“I can’t believe how blessed I am.” He tells you, his warm fingers splaying over your abdomen. “You, Valeria and little peanut are the best gifts I could have asked for.”

“It’s going to be a great Christmas.” You say entwining your fingers with his. “The best one yet.”

Love Angel? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[ginalinettiofficial]

hey what’s up hello okay so i finally just finished s2 e52 of dndads (had a very crazy work week so was listening in bits and pieces) and here’s the thing is that im also currently relistening to the whole season and earlier in this week, the most recent episode i finished, was halt and catch fireball, and before that ya know was mrs. swallows oak garcia’s home for peculiar teens or whatever that one is called where they are just. at normal’s house and we got to actually get to know rebecca a little bit and i have got to say that i don’t know if i could’ve picked a more painful and wild older ep to listen to as a precursor to dood riddance i really don’t!!! literally half of the shit in dood riddance just circles back to that arc in the swallows oak garcia home and it’s CRAZY

like first of all. the red vines, which they called twizzlers the entirety of e52 which was MADDENING as a person who legit just finished e30/31 where the red vines were introduced

but then like. e31 is where taylor gets the anime sword from nick!!! that he loses in e52!!!

there were a few other things that i’ve forgotten in the half an hour since i finished the ep because my brain is a sieve on a good day and i’m just getting home from two back to back 13 hour shifts (with an extra 1hr10/20 each day for the commute) so the brain machine is so fucking broke rn

but mainly. i wasn’t loving e52 esp after dood left i just was not vibing with it, i feel like the vibes were off in the room in a way that translated into the ep for a bit there, but then anthony in those last like three minutes brought it back around and with the roll of rebecca??? after i legit JUST finished listening to the eps that feature her the most prominently and like truly showcase not only normal’s relationship w his mom but also, as is said several times in e30/31 and their teen talks, just how similar normal IS to his mom and how he really clearly is a total momma’s boy and very much so seemed to be a kid who sought solace with his mom more than anyone else in his family and just. having legit JUST reestablished that in my own, made the end of e52 DEVASTATING for me in a way that idk if it was for other ppl??? idk haven’t checked the fandom yet im very disconnected this season but just.

like

i think that okay so we have ten parents it could’ve been, right? and five of those are the kiddads, and none of us want to see them die, so in that moment when anthony was telling us what was gonna happen, obviously my instinct was like “oh god don’t do this don’t do terry jr again but truly permanent” and then my next instinct was that it would be potentially even MORE awful if it was scary’s dad because finally there he is and that’s ALL she wants and for willy to take that moment from her would be INSANE and then (mind you this was my thought process over the course of literally 10 seconds, my brain is ping ponging in my head and has been since the second i got in the car to head home i need to sleep) and THEN my next thought was, oh god, but how fucked up would it be if it were marco??? oh god, how fucked up would it be if it were cassandra?!?!?!?! and then it was time for the roll and truly in those brief seconds basically my brain flicked through every potential victim and said “oh god THAT one would be the WORST”, EXCEPT for veronica and rebecca, and it made the hit of it being rebecca who was low down on my instinctual list to think of but then the second he said her name i was immediately ricocheted back to earlier in the week when i was listening to halt and catch fireball and mrs. swallows oak garcias home and how many emotions i had about normal and his mom just relistening to those episodes and then the fact that i DIDNT think to worry about her just

all of that combined to make that a CRITICAL HIT FOR ME OKAY like i am SO fucked up over this truly that was WILD and i applaud anthony burch for it and now am excited for the finale even though ive spent the last three eps just dreading it for several reasons but now im excited and devastated and i love that

anyways. that was word vomit i just NEEDED to get this out because the connections between those two episodes really will not stop hitting me in the head and i need to impart that onto SOMEONE. if u read this. ur a real one. rip rebecca swallows oak garcia you were a legend and i am so sad about u

[daydreamycrustacean]

you cant just threaten me with narrative parallels to big boss and not deliver. i need this

AHEHEHEE....( •̀ ω •́ )✧ Ive spent all noon going insane over char and ive listened 3 times to beyond the time, so you chose the perfect time for this.... Okay. so basically,

meme comic aside, here's a more structured and elaborated version of these points, taken from something that I wrote in my notes app at 2 am, plus some other points. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Im not good at putting my thoughts into words.

----------------------

-they are both soldiers who end up being idolized and turned into a symbol. this idolization makes people want them to be in a position of leadership.

-being better known for their nom de guerre, "the red comet/char aznable" (which also counts as this, since it's a fake name tied to his identity in the one-year war) and "big boss", adds to this idealization, and with it also comes depersonalization, as their identity becomes just an image of a war hero that exists in peoples heads. a legend, rather than a real person.

-the artificiality of this legend is brought home in the way that it is taken, replicated, and put into other people, showing that anyone can be "the red comet" or "big boss". that's right baby. clones! Be it The Patriots making supersoldier clones of big boss for war purposes or Sunrise making Char after Char for anime purposes. But Char does also have actual in-universe clones???

-And also phantoms... the much clearer example of the artificiality of these legends/identities. I don't know anything abt Gundam Unicorn and so the only things I know abt Full Frontal are from the wiki. but he's just Venom Snake. Hey, what if we took this random guy and altered his appearance and mind to be the red comet/big boss?

-Okay its time to talk about The Boss and Zeon Deikun. Their deaths turn them both into symbols that represent the ideals that they preached. Ideals that everyone else takes and misinterprets for their own purposes. Their deaths also kickstart Big Boss and Char´s...everything. In a way, both Big Boss and Char dedicate their lives fighting for the ideals that their mother/father represented. Are they any good at this? Or are they yet another person taking these ideals and twisting them beyond recognition? Let´s say that´s up for debate.

-"So both Char and Big Boss ended up being idolized just like The Boss and Zeon Deikun? Even though it's something that they did not want and tried to avoid?" YES! Unavoidable fate. Repeating mistakes of the past...Sins of the Father... one of the key themes of Metal Gear. THE theme of metal gear. Big Boss more consciously tried to avoid the fate of The Boss by leaving the US military and hated being seen as a hero/called Big Boss because of The Boss. Char never outright states that the reason he does not want leadership is because he does not want to suffer his father´s fate...but his choice of accepting leadership is tied into his father´s fate nonetheless, with "Maybe human sacrifices run in your family" and Char casting himself as that human sacrifice in Char´s Counterattack. Is the reason as to why thinking about Char makes me so insane because his narrative of not being able to escape his father´s shadow taps into one of Metal Gears main themes? who knows...

-I said that Char´s "The Boss" figure is Zeon Deikun...but I think Lalah is the emotional aspect of this. She is the more clear Mother Figure whose death scars and haunts Char the way The Boss haunts Big Boss. Yes, Char also lost his real mom when young but shes not as important as Lalah.

-They just miss their mom bro :(

-cue millions of jokes about Oedipus complexes (more prevalent in the gundam fandom. for some reason.)...not gonna comment on this but they are there. and I can't ignore it if I'm talking abt comparisons between them.

-Okay, mothers/fathers talk aside. Their relationship to war and conflict. Not much else to say that I didn't say in the image. Its all they know and and all they think themselves capable of. Though thinking about their similarities on this did remind me of something that Beltorchika said in Zeta about Char, about how she thinks he's someone who is incapable of living without war and how definitely similar things are directly said about big boss in metal gear. there's more to this and about whether this is true and why...but my eyes are starting to hurt. I need to finish this.

-Lets go back to leadership. despite the fact that they both do not initially want this position of power, they do eventually give into it to help soldiers/Spacenoids respectively. Big Boss wants soldiers to not be used by governments like he was used (but he does end up using them nonetheless. oops) and Char wants Spacenoid independence from the Federation, although Char´s motivations in cca are more complex than just this, I do believe part of him does genuinely see helping spacenoids as his "duty" and something he needs to sacrifice himself for.Okay that was my last big point. finally this is done. more stuff:

-the_man_who_sold_the_world.mp3

-I don't know. all war criminals know these days is be bisexual and lie. <- all there is to say abt their heavy homoerotic subtext. which yes they also both individually have. although big boss´ is stronger bc he's in metal gear. I also can't ignore it. It's still a character aspect.

-forgot abt Quess...use of child soldiers ig. awesome.

[j0nika]

HOLD UP, since your mom bought Rebellion for you as a birthday present, is today your birthday?!

Also…how was it…? I hope you liked it! (Of course if you have trouble processing what happened, feel free to ask)

That was the best movie

i have ever watched.

i went through all 5 stages of grief within the matter of 5 minutes.

SPOILERS FOR MADOKA MAGICA REBELLION BELOW!

i feel like i have never been so touched by a piece of media in my life

since the movie is so long, im not going to touch on every part, only the ones that were the most important to me

I WAS VERY CONFUSED AT THE BEGINNING. it was a huge surprise that the world had been fake (pretty much), because i was almost positive that was homura in her early stages of time travelling....NO. everything had already happened...

when they had begun talking about how the world was created by a witch, i was confused on how Bebe was relevant, since there had been no previous mention of them...and for them to imagine this ENTIRE WORLD just didnt sit right with me. once they started to mention it a little more, i had immediately known it was homura.

still, i started to get emotional when the world started to burn, and it was revealed that homura really was behind this. homura had been the thing she had sworn not to trust, what she hated with all her heart, trapped in her own cage she was trying to escape from...quite literally. that in itself was pretty beautiful to me :(

after all of that, when homura had pretty much sentenced herself to death to make sure that madoka would not be taken advantage of, madoka ended up trying so hard to save homura...i think that their love for eachother is definitely mutual, even if it seems like homuras might overpower madokas, i know that madoks truly cares about keeping homura safe and even in a moment of sacrifice madoka still just longed to be with homura and didnt want her to end that way, it was such a heartwarming moment

especially when god madoka came down to help homura, i started tearing up, it was really pretty and i had these lighst going on in my room and i was wondering the whole time "what does fantasy mean by people dont like what homura does at the end? everything seems fine right now!"

........

HOMURA

WHAAAAAATTTTT?!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Holy FUCKING SHIT I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.

I THINK THAT WAS MY *FAVORITE* PLOT TWIST THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN AN ANIME...IT SERIOUSLY BROUGHT OUT ALL THE EMOTIONS IN ME

i was STARING at my tv with my mouth open i could not believe it.....AND WHEN SHE STARTED TO SMILE, I GOT SUPER EXCITED!! I tend to accidently headcanon characters insanity as the smiling insanity, as if they broke, and i had started drawing homura like that but figured it wasnt fitting for her.....DAMN WAS I WRONG!!!!

i LOVE how homura had become an obsessive....not quite lustful, but more...PURELY EVIL DEMON....who had seperated madokas human form and god form to create a madoka who would be able to live happily (i believe?) with an altered memory...GOD, that scene was so POWERFUL, ive been stuck thinking about it all day today....DAMNIT HOMURA, I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU ARE EVIL!!! And this insane character development just made me love her even more!!!!!!!

then, at the end, when madoka had ended up quickly reuniting with her god form....and the way that homura said that the ribbons look better on madoka....JESUS...i was THIS CLOSE TO CRYING!!! it was almost a bittersweet ending, and that was the best route they couldve chosen...i couldnt tell if i felt sad, at peace.....it was really really beautiful!

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

that scene with the flower field....THE SCENE WITH THE FLOWER FIELD HAD ME NEAR SOBBING...i thought it was gorgeous and the way that they hugged...the thought that this would be one of the last times homura would be able to hear madoka say those heartfelt things to her, just seeing her sit there....it was really blissful :(

THE SCENE WITH THE STATUE TURNING TO TAR!!!! that was AMAZING symbolism, holy shit! i just kinda stared at the tv for a little bit...its as if homuras love was infecting madoka....i love it so much.

i cant quitteee remember this one very well, but when madoka started t-posing and sunk into the ground, becoming this liquid, the homura becoming liquid, then a mini homura smashing it up? I DONT THINK IM REMEMBERING IT RIGHT, but i just know that it kind of hit me, it reminded me of no matter how hard homura had kept trying to save madoka, she kept dying...and all she went through within all of the timelines were ultimately very small and hardly mattered, since in the end, she failed...THATS HOW I SAW IT!

(and also, the fight with mami was AMAZING!!!! The music, the combat, the intensity, oh my god!! and when homura shot herself, and then held it up to mami, i was like WHATS GOING ON?!?!?)

this movie was absoloutely beautiful, touching, intense, i....literally have no words to describe it.

I PROBABLY WOULDVE NEVER GOTTEN TO WATCHING IT IF YOU DIDNT RECCOMEND IT TO ME FANTASY!!! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH...that was *seriously* one of the best experiences of my life, i went through so much in such a little amount of time...the fascinating scenery with the witches and the everything looked amazing as always, this was just a very very special and UNIQUE movie to me and i stayed involved the whole time...I DONT THINK ANYTHING THAT ILL EVER WATCH WILL TOP THAT, HONESTLY.....

thank you SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!! I LOVED IT!!! 10000000/10.....it genuinely couldnt have been better!!!!! and it only made me love homura even more!!!!!!!!

(ALSO, TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, it is not my birthday! my birthday is in 9 days, march 16th! STILL COUNTS AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!)

[nandermoenthusiast]

HERE I AM I WATCHED THE FINALE

OKAY FIRST OF ALL IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AND ACKNOWLEDGED/BROUGHT BACK A LOT OF THINGS I HAD NOT VERY HIGH HOPES FOR

but i gotta be honest, the whole season did. it was fun and genuinely hilarious, while also acknowledging (maybe not doing something with it yet, but we have a whole other season already under go) some plot points like colin dreaming about his childhood with lazlo

THIS FINALE THOUGH

i honestly honestly honestly have to say, i would not have changed a single thing from it. it was INSPIRED. i want to talk about the theme of this season, the vampires are assholes and they will never be nice to each other, but they are a FAMILY and they care about each other so deeply

first of all we have the morrigan manor trap, which i enjoyed so much, and although the season did a great job at building up to this with a hundred little moments in the previous eps, i was still literally shook at seeing the vampires face the music. like wow the guide is really telling them off for how they treat her and guillermo. like, i felt it. and nadja and lazlo are like ok this could have been a conversation but fine heres some footage of us being nice about u behind your back, AND THATS SO LOVELY LIKE - MY DEAR WE ARE FUCKED UP CREATURES OF THE NIGHT WELL NEVER TELL YOU TO YOUR FACE THAT YOURE IMPORTANT TO US

and its like. this season does a lot to put all the previous seasons into perspective. i cant even begin to speak about nandor and his aversion to turning guillermo. like, CHRIST

anyway the moment where nandor finds out was SO fucking delicious i love you mr de laurentiis i am completely in love with you going insane going insane also like ive seen some DISAPPOINTMENT over this finale and im ???? speechless is it that they didnt kiss or fuck? NANDOR KNOWS GUILLERMO BETTER THAN HE KNOWS HIMSELF HE KNEW HE COULDNT BEAR KILLING HE KNEW HE WASNT READY AND WANNA BET HE ALSO KEPT HIS DISTANCE ALL THESE YEARS BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT WOULD ADD TO GUILLERMO WANTING TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER BUT HES TOO CODEPENDENT TO LET HIM GO WHAT!!! THIS SHIT IS DELICIOUS

LET THEM COOK

but where was i ah yes nandor finding out nandor staking out panera bread and talking to some rando about guillermo and nandor going to his mothers (vampire killer! so its like dangerous for him lbr) place once he found it within himself to let go of the humiliation and prioritize his feelings for guillermo. let that sink in. he didnt want to find him not really. otherwise he would have threatened his mom weeks ago. nandor actually forgiving guillermo and its just like that. because he loves him too much. nandor doing the gayest most romantically and sexually charged shit in the world to prove to guillermo he actually has forgiven him. nandor bringing guillermo home. and saying he will be living with us AS AN EQUAL

nandor bringing him blood. and while we are on this topic, NANDOR WHO HAS THE IQ OF A RUSSIAN TOILET KNEW RIGHT AWAY WHAT GUILLERMOS PROBLEM WITH HIS TURNING WAS AND HOW TO FIX IT. AND HE DID. IMMEDIATELY. WHILE LAZLO STRUGGLED FOR WEEKS. NANDOR KNEW INSTANTLY. this episode had such biiig caretaker nandor energy and i fucking gobble that shit up. he pays so much attention to guillermo and he is so warm and loving to him whenever hes not catching himself…… i think im gonna go cry

nandor looking at guillermo with barely repressed lust as guillermo shows off his new vampiric powers and is taken by a frenzy to just go and do some shit. nandor lurking in the shadows listening to guillermos confession about not being able to kill, and looking so broken up about it, and wanting to fix things immediately for guillermo (but he cant, and btw im glad they brought back the lamp even if it was just to say you dumbass, you are out of wishes, like maybe that was a disappointment to some people but im sort of glad they made nandor use up all his wishes because the whole ceremony bit was sooooooooooooo thoughtful and soooo warm on nandors part). he went and staged the whole place and orchestrated the whole thing just so guillermo could speak from the heart and say he made a mistake. that is insanely loving of him

and btw idk anything about the lore of vampiric lineage BUT! tbh i do think this is such a cool loophole. like when guillermo reverted, time for his human form had passed. which means if any vampire who has lived, idk, more than 130 years had the same thing happen to them, they would obviously turn to dust. of course they would die! but guillermo had this happen only a few months ago so hes good! and the vampirism is reverted! and he has the time and knowledge now to think long and hard if he still wants it

to be honest (not to be a blorke about nandermo) i do believe that nandor and guillermo will get into it next season and the subsequent conflict will be that guillermo cannot be a vampire so he will age and die one day, but i think since nandor is so caring and “acts of service” in this last episode, maybe the solution they find is they decide nandor will turn guillermo eventually, and then bring him blood without guillermo having to hunt and kill (he could also like rob blood banks or drink from people without draining them)

anyway how cool is it that guillermo turned out to be so similar to louis (interview with the vampire, the very movie that got him to want to be a vampire), with the same conflict, except he did get a do over thanks to nandor ❤️

one last thing before i go that i didnt mention NANDOR TYING GUILLERMOS CAPE SO LOVINGLY AND WITH SUCH ATTENTION WITH SUCH REVERENCE GOD I KNOW WE’RE IN FOR A TREAT NEXT SEASON. AND NANDOR FUCKING STAKING DEREK. DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT. I DONT KNOW. I DO *STAKE *. LIKE WHAT. THAT WAS SO INSANELY HOT TO ME GOODBYE FOREVER AND SORRY FOR THE LONGASS POST

[s0lar-ch3ri]

hurricanes coming on my brithday so time to dfo a chip ramble! (spoilers)

before we go in, yes itll be a multi ramble because i can since its my birthday tmrrr!! (im giving you guys a gift cause yes)

ok so i cannot stop thinking about how a lot of the time chip in mana was called "racist" it was like, something he wouldnt have known. the "are your horns real?" weird question, sure, but it doesnt really sound like it (THIS IS NOT ME TRYING TO UNDERMINE IT! if its racist, it doesnt matter how it sounds, it is racist.) would be that offensive. the special accent done when he was being "drip"? immediately shamed and not even told what he did wrong. as i noted, no, racism is racism, but it just seems like whenever chip fucks up, its called out upon and is never explained why its so terrible. and thats really what bothers me on it, because both times, its races that chip has never really hung out with (a tiefling [niklaus]) (chip was disguised as a triton yet used i guess a voice similar to a grung??? its confusing, and before you say "but chip knows felipe who was a grung!!" yes, thats why the 'never really' was added, because while he knew felipe he probs didnt know his culture and shit) and wouldnt have known what was considered offensive. and yes, they have every right to be mad, but if i said something fucked up, i would have a right to be explained why it was wrong. i dont know, maybe somewhere in me now chip probably while more cautious with his words, has some anxiety on what he says will be offensive and he'll get yelled at for it and shit (maybe self projection tjhough you can never tell).

while ive seen reasonable ideas of ollie and chip being like brothers, it means a lot to me that like, chip, who didnt really have a parental figure before and the closest he had was arlin, still tries to be a good dad to ollie. like, he knows ollie has an actual dad and mom who probably are worried sick about him, but hes out here with him. and the guilt must sting, but when that kid tries to get into some crazy plan of his crew mates and he sees that smile, he sees why theyd want this kid back. its like "i have barely a clue how to be a parent, let alone a good one, but i will try my best to be one for you here until we get you back home." and ollie sees it too, and i feel like ollie loves his sea dad (who he knows is super cool). i just, them

ya know how i used the "i arely know how to be a parent" thing? i kinda thought on it, and thats basically chip. "i barely know how to do this/be this, but ill try my best to do it right, for them". he wants to be a good pirate for arlin. he wants to be a good captain for his crew. (as i mentioned) he wants to be a good dad for ollie. he wants to be a good person and friend for jay and gill. he wants to fight this war for gillion and lizzie. and he wants to be the best chip he can, not just for his friends sake, but his own. he does it all with a purpose and while he has barely a clue how to, hes going to fucking try and with willpower and destijny, hell fucking do it.

a joke chip fact mentioned in ep 90 for chip was that hes lactose intolerant but he still drinks milk and i cannot like stop thinking about it. cause like, it makes sense. its not his craziest. when getting chased by a dangerous creature, he immediately becomes its "ideal mate" and gives himself "birthing hips" as like his first reaction. he became an old lady and tried to get his pinkie chopped off by the fucking child one time (it instead was done by gill...who used his big fucking sword. yeeouch). i just think about it cause chips insanity is only brought up when it comes to his plans. but, like, where is the crazy chip when his plan fails and he has to bullshit it?! wheres the talk for fucking "hot mode"?! where are the girlies that find it so silly and funny when a bad guy threatens chip and he just comes back like a fucking toddler?! chip is so silly and its just only discussed when chip has a stupid plan (DO NOT GET ME ON ABOUT "if you have another dream me and chip will kill the sun" which while said by gill, chip has no problem with it. like hes not questioning it) which is very sad imo

another thing btw about how chips "horrid plans" are always, like referred to be bad and fail, but he has had working plans and good (even if insane) plans! sure, hes very cringe fail, and he has had bad plans, but its not every plan that fails. his plan with cedric? worked pretty well. using the ball bearings to make that robot trip? gillion just failed his fucking blessing and got a nat 1. the old lady jay disguise? the navy general disguise? granted, some of the best working plans were disguise related, but even the risky one with the fucking suitcase and ollie had worked! so honestly, i was surprised (and still dont believe) when chip had to share a secret about himself and said hes never had a plan. because honestly? the fucking bullshit he thinks up has no right to be insanely well done improv. like, jay doesnt have to be "the one smart person on board" because theyve all had moments of smartness and yet only jay is shown it

anyways im losing ideas maybe ill ask the fnc guy for characters to ramble on lmao

[casualhedonists]

firstly i apologize for how long this is going to be 😭

i was so emotional as i read attention cuz i just KNEW that there would be an ending eventually, and ofc, i never wanted attention to end. but you wrapped it up SOOOO beautifully! i feel so bad that i can't capture HOW amazing of a read that was in words!! trust me, attention means so so much to me. whenever i thought "i can't wait until chapter 6 comes out!" my anxiety kicked in because i knew that when chapter 6 came out.... it would be over. and that day is here

reading this was like eating your favorite chocolate. every single bite being enjoyable... something you'd think back on days later and crave for more. never getting tired of it.

honestly, its amazing how there is SO much creativity and wonderful fanfics on tumblr... for free? ITS INSANE. as i was reading it i kept saying "this is crazy!" i mean, i couldn't believe?? the plot twist?? the dialogue?? the pacing?? the list could go ON! forever. also you are SO sweet and kind 🫶🫶

i honestly thought she would be furious about what happened to greene... like my jaw dropped as SOON as her mom told her that he was sent to be a peacekeeper. at that moment i KNEW it was all snows fault. i seriously felt like it was over for them... like a whole fight scene was about to take place and she would move out, leading to snow being destroyed, alone, teary eyed and begging her to stay... that wouldve crushed me. i'm so glad she felt the complete opposite.

it's was SO interesting to think back on and see her progress. at first she was desperate, trying to win snow over by playing his games, trying to turn the tables and make snow become weak for her. but eventually she got the idea, and now SHE dominates HIM. it was neat seeing things come full circle!! now he's getting a taste of his own medicine (pun intended?)!!

also medicine is like... god i mean, do i even??? one of my top harry songs. SO GOOD!!!! do you also listen to him?? if so i can recommend other (more unknown) songs of his that give the same vibe if you'd like!

i am REALLY excited for your future works!!!! i admire your writing style and how talented you are. tbh you're the reason i'm inspired to start my own fanfic. but honestly, i'm scared because it is SO difficult thinking of a good storyline and plot... my brain is blank. i feel like every thing i think of sounds generic and cliche which puts me in a writers block. (do you have any tips?)

thank you so much for taking the time to read this!! i hope you have an amazing day!!

-💐

flower nonnie you. can have my whole heart here *carves it out walks it to fedex and mails it to you w next day delivery*

i read this first thing yesterday and it MADE MY WHOLE DAY i swear. like im so happy you enjoyed the fic so much, this is so much more than i could ever hope for as a response and it means the world to me that you’d set aside time to type out such a sweet message. it’s bittersweet to say goodbye to attention bc it is The Fic that brought me into this fandom (and out of my fic writing block) and it means so much to me bc it’s been so fun and it makes me so happy to know people feel that way when reading it. i had the final line written since (chapter 3?? i think) so i always knew that’s how i’d close it off and it was SO satisfying getting to type that last line in.

also it was sooo much fun to write her little mastermind by taylor swift moment (what if i told you none of it was accidental etc etc) and also yes omg i love harry (mostly his unreleased songs tbh!! like baby honey, medicine, talk, complicated freak) and ofc the usual suspects like kiwi and sign of the times and harry’s house. i am so so open to more song recs!! esp unreleased or lesser known ones!

in terms of writing tips, i wrote down a little thing a while back here but my main thing is to write what you want to read. that’s all i’ve ever done in fic and personal writing projects/poetry of mine. if you write for only yourself you can never go wrong imo, everything else is just topping. so start there, doesn’t matter if it’s been done before, so long as it makes you happy!! (one day i should tell the story of my first fic that actually got read by people online it was a whole journey that started with me assuming nobody would ever see it but me)

okay this is getting long i’ll close out now but thank you sweet anon for the kind words, i can’t even tell you how much they mean to me!! you are truly too kind!! 🤍🤍🤍

[trouffle]

blah blah life update cus i’m sick and it’s a void moon today & im procrastinating breakfast

in 2023 i started and lost 2 jobs (both location closures) & the second one was the closest i ever got to financial “stability” ut it was also a server job in lower manhattan so. need i say more. now i’m a bartender at a movie theater working 15-20 hours a week (which i did at my last job making 500-800 base cus rich ppl are insane and autograt is a blessing) when i was guaranteed upwards of 30-35 during the hiring process and i truly have no clue what miserable hell i’m about to launch myself into finding a job that pays me more than $50 a shift post-tax. it is so stressful and makes me feel so ashamed even tho i have familial support bc it feels like i should just be… doing “better” aka making more money. side note, one of the customers at my old job accidentally dropped a $100 bill, i brought it to her instead of pocketing it to let her know, she most definitely didn’t realize nor cared she literally looked at it like it was a single and they still left $0 in tip…. lol america

but then i step back and realize what i’ve been doing in the name of passion all last year. after planning since summer 2022, my first ever drag performance was in feb 2023. my first ever produced show was april 2023 and it was longform, experimental narrative drag derived from my own astrology practice. i’ve co produced 2 shows (would’ve been 3 but we cancelled and it was a bad move..)

and now going into 2024 i’m producing my first ever rave and debuting as a dj this monday. i’m booked for an experimental drag-noise show at one of my fav venues, just bought a camcorder and got my point n shoot fixed (i didn’t know how to take out.. the film 😔), have my first live model figure drawing, & am on the track to keep producing shows and beginning to take over dj mom’s collective. after i lost my second job i turned towards drag / my freelancing work i marketed via drag to pay my bills and all it did was excessively burn me out, brought me to the edge of despising drag & wanting to quit it all. the instance i chose money over passion the entire ENTIRE process was ruined. i took a step back, started djing, and if i thought drag saved my life BEFORE it def was all leading up to this as i’m ushering in a new dimension of creativity and musicianship into my desperately burnt out soul from graduate school & a decade of classical music training

i am fucking terrified of what 2024 will bring bc in 2023 i lost 2 jobs AND 2 of my best friends via conflict and have just felt so unbearably ashamed and confused bc idk i have credit card debt and rent to pay?????? it’s so fucking confusing being alive but i truly don’t think i would be here if it wasn’t for pursuing drag in the last year or so give or take. i am so so so immensely grateful for it and find myself in constant shock & awe that this is where i am

its scaryyyyy to be as publicly and openly vulnerable as you have to be a public artist holy shit esp when ppl are so gleefully cruel nowadays bht i wouldn’t trade it for the world, esp cus irs brought me to actual community & a sense of home i’ve never felt in any institutions or with my family. i’m scared bht i’m grateful. i’m tired but there’s so much to look forward to. rn i’m just sick as fuck with a respiratory infection but my show is in 2 days :3

[essapedstom]

Part 6.

After you had left Neteyam you found yourself making your way back home, your day had already been ruined. Once your home came into view you saw your father coming out of it. "Y/N" He called out also seeing you. "Where have you come from?" "I was with Kiri in the lake." You responded innocently voice low. Your father said nothing but nodded placing his large hand on top of your damp braids smiling warmly at you. "Go in eat breakfast syulang (flower) and then you must go to the Sully tent." You bit your tongue causing it to bleed slightly, you had almost forgotten you were ordered by Jake to look after the ikrans today with Neteyam. Annoyance flushed your veins but you relaxed again as the fast realisation that you were under your fathers gaze emerged. "Okay." was all that you were able to muster without cursing Neteyam or the idea out. You parted ways your father leaping on large branches and out of view and you entering the hut. "Rewon yayo (Morning bird) Come eat." Your mother greeted as she beckoned you to sit next to your younger brothers who were already awake. Your eyes met with Sezans who looked back at you with great concern. You brushed it off and sat down beside him praying to Eywa he wouldn't mention last night. Only she knows what excuse you would've made to defend yourself against his words, you were supposed to strong, a warrior, no fear, your brothers couldn't lose another sibling especially to insanity rather than death. "Sezan why did you leave the bed yesterday?" Lorno asked innocently playing with his food, your eyes shot up to look at Sezan who's ears had perked up at the question. Your heart pounded against your small ribcage, mind racing with every single possible thought you could muster. "I was thirsty and asked Y/N for water." He lied. You released a small breath whilst he held one in. Sez had never lied, not to you, not to his brother or parents, to anyone. " Sez nga zene näk pay sre hahaw."(You must drink water before sleep.) Your mother huffed ruffling her gentle fingers through his braids whilst wiping the left over food dripping from Lornos mouth and tsking. "I know mom." He said trying to hide his guilt he felt for lying to his mother. He looked up at you with somber eyes as if he blamed you for what he had just done. You felt a pang in your chest, you couldn't let him carry what he felt was like the world on his shoulders. You took in a deep breath before you confessed. "No mother, I had the dream again." You paused voice strained before looking up at her as she whipped her head towards you nearly snapping her neck eyes as wide as could be. "Sezan helped me." You finished looking into his eyes seeing them relax and thank you. "I'm sorry ma yawne (My beloved) im sorry I am so so sorry i wish you'd told me they started again." She cooed rushing over to hug you and pull your head close to her chest rubbing the side of your face with the pad of her thumbs. She knew what it was like as she was the first to help you after the nightmare had first occurred. You were 13, nine months after Tl'ezan had died, you woken up screaming his name immediately waking up your mother who was the only one home as your father and brothers were away. It was a sound that frightened your mother thinking she had lost another child was a pain she could not bear. Both of you released heavy tears that night and every time it would occur you would alert her the morning after or in the middle of the night if you were afraid to fall back asleep. Until she brought up taking you to Tsahìk, You refused. She wouldn't be able to tell you what was wrong, she was a healer of the body not the mind. Besides it would make you look weak, Warrior who has nightmares and cries for her mother, it was pathetic. Since that day you had stopped letting her know about the nightmares allowing her to think they had stopped with age and time. You both also had never mentioned it to your father, You didn't know why your mom didn't say anything but you were glad she didn't. He would've tried to "fix" you.

Your mother kissed your forehead before bringing it down to her own. "oe tìyawn nga." (I love you) she said softly eyes burning into yours. Warming into your mothers grasp you turned to Sezan who continued eating his food contently. "Thank you Sez." You said reaching to hold on of his hands that rested on the table. He smiled back at you with his teeth that were covered in bits of spartan fruit that your mother had served you guys for breakfast. You all chuckled at his cuteness. "You are a brave boy Sez." Your mother chimed in obviously reminiscing of her late son. "Hey i am too!" Lorno added causing more laughter to erupt from the 4 of you. "Ahhh Yes you are Lo' yes you are." You said through laughter.

Once you finished breakfast you bid your family goodbye including your father who had come home just before you left and mounted La'aila making the not very long journey to the Sully's. You hoped off of your best friend thanking Eywa for the safe journey and kissing La'ailas soft scales gently causing her to let out a ragged love engulfed breath. You walked up

to the flap of the door knocking on the mid square sized piece of bark that acted as a door knocker. "Za'u! " (Come!") You heard Neytiris muffled voice call out. You entered the tent, eyes meeting the busy family who were clearly not ready for anyone's arrival. Lo'ak and Kiri arguing about anything and everything not even noticing your new presence with Jake trying to interfere. "Y/N i knew it would be you Za'u sevin (come pretty.) I want to show you something. She said smiling as she walked beside you with her hands on either side of your shoulders. "Y/N! come play with me!" Tuk cried out trying to pry you from her mothers grasp. "Not now tuk!" Neytiri hissed causing the young girl to roll her eyes and huff in annoyance. Neytiri had to taken you to Mo'at who sat in a different part of the home away from everyone crushing different herbs. "Mother, look." Neytiri cheesed trying to suppress her unexplainable happiness. "It is grandmother Mo'at, i've seen her many times Mrs sully." You chuckled breathily trying to adjust your throat to the amount of talking you had been doing whilst still not understanding why she was so happy for you to meet a woman whom you had met nearly a million times before. Mo'ats reaction however confused you much more. "Hì'i oe." (Small I/me) You looked at her, frowning smile etched upon your face. "Come sit please." You were released from Neytiris grasp and tossed into the tough gaze of the Tsahìks. Bringing your left hand up to your forehead and down to the middle of your chest greeting her officially before sitting own cross legged in front of the elder. "I do not mean to be rude, but why am i here." You questioned looking forward and behind you at the two women. They looked at one another as if they were speaking with their eyes. "It will just be good if you were to learn to heal as well as hunt and fight." Mo'at answered placing a soft wrinkled hand on your shoulder. It did make sense to you i mean you would be even more skilled than your already were and what was the harm in that? "Okay!" You responded clearing your throat smiling ready for whatever the Tsahìk was going to teach you. You looked back at Neytiri who stared at you with applauding eyes. You smiled scrunching your nose slightly, still a little confused as to why everyone was so happy but your shrugged it off, it was good they deserved the happiness anyway.

An hour had passed and Neytiri had left the room and Mo'at had successfully taught you how to use dead atokirina (woodsprite) to heal deep or infected wounds. Your skill fingers from archery increased the speed at which you learned impressing Mo'at further. If only you knew why you were doing this you wouldn't have done your best. She smiled contently at your attempt praising your natural skill. Once you had both finished and cleaned up you stood up and opened the flap separating the healing tent and the rest of the home to be met with everyone looking towards the flap expecting to see Mo'at. "Y/N!! when did you get here oh my." Kiri squealed leaving her seat to hug you tightly like she hadn't seen you in the morning. You hugged her back laughing to the best of your ability as she squeezed the air out of your lungs and Tuk came to hug your leg and hang off of it. "I came when you and Lo'ak were arguing." You huffed as she finally let go. "Ahh sorry i didn't not even see you, when knuckleheads are in the way everything just becomes a blur." She voiced loud enough for Lo'ak to hear and aggravate him. "Kiri you don't wanna go there bro!" Lo'ak complained looking to his father who he believed should've scolded kiri but didn't. "Hi Lo'ak" You chuckled earning a huffed out hi from him, Kiri rolled her eyes playfully before beckoning you to come and see the top she had made for the festival the upcoming week. As you began to walk forward you nearly stumbled feeling the heavy weight of someone on your leg. "TUK." you yelled-laughed shocked she was able to hang on that long. "I want to play with you Y/N pleasseeeeeee." her pleas continuing on until she ran out of breath and then starting again. "Tuk come on." Jake tried, hoping it would shut her up."tuk stop it." Lo'ak added over the noise made by his little sister. "easssssssseeeeeeeeeeee-" "OKAY okay tuk i'll play." you interrupted saving her the breath and looking up at kiri who was slightly annoyed but okay with her little sister stealing her best friend. The young girl laughed removing herself from your leg and running to go and get her wooden dolls Neteyam had made for her from bark. As you waited and kiri began to quickly explain to you the design of her tops. Lo'ak stood up walking over to the both of you pushing you slightly as he "walked past you" causing your tail to swing back and forth vigorously smacking him in the stomach. "OWWW OW OW." He cried holding his stomach "Daddddd!" he called out acting as if he has just been stabbed. "Lo'ak stop it." Jake responded in a jokey way "SHE HIT ME!" "you pushed me." You responded nonchalantly. "You are so gonna pay for this." he strained out still holding his stomach and making his way to his own section of the hut. As you and Kiri chuckled the flap of the tent opened revealing a slightly wet Neteyam, "Where've you been son we were waiting for you." His eyes met yours immediately clenching his teeth together annoyance surging from every pore on his beautiful body. You stared at one another the argument resurfacing your mind, the grasp he had on your arm suddenly stinging. "Neteyam." Jake repeated his voice clearly lower in octave installing fear in all of you. "Sorry sir it won't happen again." He apologised avoiding his fathers question. "Y/NN! im back come come." Tuktirey cried in joy happy she finally found her dolls. Your eyes ripped away from Neteyams meeting tuks eager ones. You sighed knowing the disappointment from what you would have to tell her. "Tuk i-" "She's leaving you to hang with neteyam." Lo'ak chimed walking back into the main area of the hut with a bandage now around his abdomen where you had hit him. You looked at neteyam who's eyes now turned to look at lo'ak and then Lo'ak who looked at you smugly. "That is not true tuk." You reasoned bending down to her height." "That is enough Lo'ak." Neytiri called fed up with her sons antics. You stuck your tongue out at the boy before looking back at tuk whilst kiri also stuck her tongue out at him. "So will you play?"

[sungbeam]

OLAY OKAY OKAY WAIT!!! Words! Find them! Ain’t No Romeo! HELP Hyunjae is sO CUTE!!!!!!

Let me form a coherent thought 😵‍💫… okay.

First of all, it was incredible, I offer a standing ovation 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼! The way I could feel the heartbreak when home girl thought Jae didn’t trust her like WOW. I was personally offended, I felt that. But they’re just too cute together like I love them sm help! Two idiots hopelessly in love, one unable to see, it the other too scared to say it I’m- my favorite frustrating genre 🤩

Next. That bitch named Ellie…. Imagine being hung up that bad on a high school friendship, like homie needs help. Mental and physical bc if I were Yn I would’ve literally boxed her over Hyunjae, like how dare you 🤬 Also I’ve been stalked so when I tell you you describe the feeling of feeling like you’re being watched so well! Like wow! Felt that!

Younghoon. My savior, my sanity, Kim Younghoon! Give this man a cookie! Through the angst he showed up like a fucking angel 😖. Every time you mentioned him smiling I saw his sweet smile clear as day and wanted to cry bc wHY IS HE SO PRECIOUS HELP 😩😩!!!! He is my baby and I love him 😍.

Jacob being an opp by not disclosing whether or not Sangyeon has a girlfriend 🧎‍♀️😭.

Bro I didn’t know it was possible to be this in love with Hyunjae (I was already insanely down bad) but here I am 😩. I could talk about this forever but I literally don’t know how to put most of what I’m thinking into words so I’ll cut it here!

~Eliza✨

AKFNKENDKDNDKNSJS GIRL I WAA GONNA SAY,,, NOT U CASUALLY DROPPING THAT U WERE STALKED BEFORE 😭😭😭😭 i was so worried ngl skdnksnd i had a former lab mate get stalked on the way home before but im glad it's ,,, all good now?? im glad that u and ur mom r doing okay?? 😭😭😭😭 "like wow! felt that!" SENT ME 😭💀

but PLS HE IS SO CUTE I AGREE FULLSEND truly f2l really should be called idiots 2 lovers 😃 they really do be dumbasses, but YAY im glad u felt offended during the confrontation bc tbh i loved writing that part skfnkejdk the ✨drama✨ is what i live for !!! 😋🤸‍♀️ in a non toxic way ofc 🤡

i honestly didn't know what i was gonna do w ellie's character when i first brought her in 😭 but the more i wrote, the more i realized i actually DID have a plan for her 🤔🤔 and tbh ive always wondered if i could go back to my roots of writing bitchy characters, and making ellie go from sympathetic ex friend to villain the audience has no remorse for just felt right 🤩

OMG SAME I LOVE YOUNGHOON SO MUCH SKFNKDDKDJ he and his yn throughout this were my actual favorites 🤧🤧 they're so cute if im being sooo honest like,,, everyone else can leave

HELP AHAHHAHA YEAH THE JACOB ;)) MOMENT I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE FUNNY

also thank u so much for reading as always </3 thank u for complimenting my imagery also :')) i really appreciate baefie skfnkend 💖💖💖

[theluxuriansecret]

Dear Diary 04102023

11:49 pm

I had the absolute worst anxiety ever last night. From the adhd meds i took that were not mine to the huge amount of guilt im holding in my heart.

So this past Friday I went to visit the guy I've been dating because he was incredibly down about something he didn't achieve. We ended up having sex naturally, and it was.. interesting. He spanked me so hard that I cried, as I cried he was a slapping my face and telling me to shut up. And I legit have never felt soooo horrible. Yes, i am beginning to realize that I actually hated that. As much as I want to be the person who satisfies his fantasies, I need to be honest with myself and come clean. I didn't like it. As much as I enjoy rough sex, and getting my hair pulled and being spanked, it's honestly so much more degrading than I like. I like praise, I don't feel praised. Even after that, he gave me after care which was nice and he apologized but then he did something even weirder!!! The next morning he tried ti have sex with me while I was sleeping, now I'm not against being woken up to have sex, but to just fuck me while I'm sleeping is insane. Like we haven't had conversations about whether thats okay or not and we probably should.

With all that being said I need to be a big girl and be honest with myself and him. I need to stick to my wants and needs and see what fits for me. I think I'm doing that thing again when I'm trying to be something I'm not just so that I'm loved. I'm glad I'm at least clocking it now though.

This man was bringing up living with each other and taking care of one another, but you literally haven't asked me to be your girlfriend. Do you want me to be your girlfriend? Do you need more time to know? Do I even want you to be my boyfriend? Do I see myself with you?

I would really like to have the conversation because as much as I want everything to be all good and dandy, and go with the flow, I need reassurance that this is going somewhere. But I need legit love, respect and care.

I have a genuine fear of sharing a small space with someone. I need space and I need time alone.

Last night he said something mad weird. He asked me if I always go where my mom wants me to go and it quite literally brought me back to my past relationship. Does my mother have more control of me than I thought?

What do I want? What is in MY best interest? What is going to make ME content?

I know the answer to all of these things I just need to respect myself and follow through.

SOTD: Midnight Sky - Miley Cyrus

[keepthesethoughtsinsideyou]

2/25/2023

So this is probably an awful idea. But when you were getting married and then having your honeymoon, i wrote letters to you. that i didnt send to you. i think i only had 3 or 4 days worth of them. But I have no clue when i will ever speak to you again. And like, speak speak. Not some short text. I'm very torn on everything. my heart, is shattered. truly. But you know. At least I have to think you know. Maybe you have like, been able to trick yourself into thinking i never cared. or idk. i just dont know Courtney. I am sorry that i felt this was planned. you did admit it was, after comparing me to Chad first of course. But planned in that, yo. i cant take this. its fair and justified. Maybe the Chad comparison was fair too. idfk. It also makes me hate myself more than I ever thought I could. i have been crying so much today that i have no concept of time. I am glad that at least you have had a wonderful Saturday. Out of town with a friend. Seeing a hopefully enjoyable movie. I was left to morn my dead Dad and now the most important relationship ive ever had. idk if youll ever read or see any of these. And christ i dont want to come off bitter or angry. or anything. I know that i hurt you already. fuck. i hurt you so much that you were like, peace dude. im just, shocked? i dont get how we are video chatting and opening gifts and i bought a hotel for us. To meet up in a crazy thing where I had no plan as to HOW things were gonna work. But my love and need to see you bypassed any real worries. It's crazy how this relationship brought that out of me. I think looking back at things, I was still a bit of a stick in the mud comparably. But you definitely brought something out of me that was crazy and off the cuff. I liked it. I wish i could save things. I wish this was like that early time when you broke things off and then like 2 days later came back and said you couldnt be without me. I'm not religious but I am hoping there are some sort of synchronicities or coincidences that send you back to me. I didnt expect you to not break up with me just because it was my dead father''s birthday. That would be manipulative. You broke up with me just the other day and I cant even tell you WHY. I remember alot of you telling me how YOU had negatively effected my life. And i deserved better and whatever. But i just wanted you. I told my mom that I have never loved someone like i loved you, and I never will again. I didnt know I was capable of love like this. I wont ever find it again. This message sucks cause its all over the place and im not making much sense or keeping a consistent tone. the barbed comments I would make. Back handed shit. god, they are all i can fucking think about. I cant imagine how differently things wouldve been if you hadnt immediately started having sex with new people. my brain just cant Courtney. How can you love me, want a future with me, want children, a home. But then as soon as you are single, its not me. Its not me at all. It's someone else. It really fucked with my head. And honestly, i just think I am a square. I have never hooked up with anyone in my life. I have only had sex with people I had relationships with. And the concept of sex outside of that is not only unappealing to me, but kind of grosses me out. Thats for me. I get people are into their own things and I dont judge. But being faced by someone who can say all this lovey dovey bs to me, and go fuck another man. And theres no connection? its just sex? whats the big deal? well, thats where my brain goes insane. I've never felt good enough or worthy of you. And for you to immediately shack up with someone NOT me while saying different things to me, it really fed into that insecurity. But thats me right? its MY insecurity. So who would you be to respect or acknowledge that. You are a young single woman who can finally go out and experiment and find yourself. Neither me or anyone else should stand in your way of that. But god dammit did it break my heart. And your ability to seemingly never think of me and my feelings just solidified mentally that i was not good enough. i was not worthy. and maybe worst of all, I was not your first choice. i lashed out with my words. my tone. things i said. how i said that. ugh. i wish...i wish i couldve just been your supportive friend. YASSS QUEEN! GO EAT SOME PUSSY! there are moments when i can be cool. But the uncool version of me surfaced his ugly head far more often as more of your experimentation took off. It just blows because, this only got bad once this started. Prior to that, i feel like things were wonderful. But i am probably sugarcoating things post mortem. i regret ever telling you i had bipolar disorder. i regret ever telling you about my anxiety disorder. Because in breaking up with me, they were both brought up. Negative is negative though. Just sucks feeling like you arent good enough from the get go and then being made to feel like you are broken and needing fixing. I dont know alot of people who would be okay with the love of their life fucking other people. Especially when that same person has told you they want you over anyone. But then when you try to plan a future together, those conversations go nowhere. So idk. Too much too soon I guess. I know that no matter what negative things i may think of the situation, I know I am at fault. I couldnt handle the pressure of being with a poly person. And I especially couldnt handle it when it seemed like the plans to experiment and have sex with other people superseded our plans that we talked about of a future together. But as i said, I know i am wrong. I am the villain. I think of some of the things i said to you in the days following you telling me Andi was coming there to get a hotel so you 2 could fuck. And christ. my tone. the meanness. i know i can change. i know it. maybe you'll change too? But maybe some of your negative qualities will change in your period of experimenting. who knows? all i know is each hour that passes and I cant talk to you breaks my soul. as much as I am sure you would prefer me checking my insurance to see if i could get therapy and medicated, i am afraid i am looking into seeing if it will cover me committing myself. Because I am genuinely unsure how i can go on. All i can think about is taking a bunch of Ativan and walking out into the woods and falling asleep and never waking up. Which in my present state I can realize is not good. The issue is, between the hotel i JUST bought us Thursday, and the hotel I bought us for your visit here in April, that's over $900 i charged that's non refundable. If I commit myself, I will lose my job. Outside of hotel money, i am just in debt in general too. So i feel so fucking stuck. None of this matters though. I just want you back. I don't care about money. I don't care about who else you have sex with. i just want my angel back. i can and will change. And I am TERRIFIED because per you,  you are a serial monogamous relationship person. I want to change so you will love me again. I want to change so you can feel comfortable with your heart with me. But what if it takes to long? And you're already on to the next one? idfk. But my soul is crushed and i feel like giving up. I'm back to where I was before we met. The difference is now i have the pain and grief of losing my cosmic lover. My partner the universe brought into my life. How does one cope with such a loss? How does one live knowing they lost a love that was unlike anything they've ever experienced. I don't know. i do not want to live a life without you in it. 

[the-kipsabian]

okay sssoooo out of curiosity

what would you consider the minimum for a “long amount of time” before meeting a friend you made online?