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late-to-the-party-81 · 1 year

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Cuddles are the cure

Ask: Omg omg omg Jen please please can I have some Bruce/Hulk and Reader. I'm in desperate need of some super fluff, like imagine Hulk just picking you up and snuggling you all warm when you're I'm you're sad 🥺🥺🥺

AN: Super fluff, you say, Elsie? In fact it’s so fluffy I had to throw in reader comforting Hulk too - mutual comforting. Set in the world of You, Me and the Other Guy and slots in as part two of the series.

Beta’d by @lunarbuck

Moodboard by me and dividers by @firefly-graphics

Master list | Series Master list

Relationship: Bruce/Hulk x Reader

WC: 1.5k

CW: Fluff. Lots of cuddles. Soft kisses. Implied Tony being a dickhead. Working in customer retail sucks.

In every way that mattered, your life had improved immeasurably since you and Bruce had started dating. You already had a friendship, a connection, and you couldn’t believe how easy the two of you just fit.

It was still early days though - you had your shifts, and when Bruce, or rather the Hulk, wasn’t off saving the world with the other Avengers, he had his research and other interests.You didn’t want to live in each others pockets, but still made the effort to see each other at least three times a week, and spoke on the phone all the other days.

You’d introduced him to your small circle of friends, and none of them realised who he actually was, aside from being a sweet nerd who’d swept you off your feet. It was the one advantage of having two personas, you supposed - it meant that he could maintain privacy when out and about.

In return, Bruce had invited you to come and meet the other Avengers. He’d done that charming thing of coming over all shy, asking you while cleaning his glasses with his shirt, so that he wouldn’t have to look at you and risk rejection.

“I mean, you only have to come if you want to. I don’t want you to be disappointed or overwhelmed, because they can be a handful. Tony will tease me… and flirt with you, Steve’s actually got a filthy potty mouth, Nat can be pretty intimidating, Thor, when he’s here, is loud and Clint… well… he’s got a specific sense of humour.”

You’d reached out and placed your hand on his arm, and he’d put his glasses back on and looked at you, expression unreadable.

“I’d love to meet them, and not because they’re the Avengers, but because they’re your friends and colleagues.”

“As long as you’re sure.”

You’d shifted closer, cupping his face with your hand and brushing your nose against his.

“Certain.”

They’d been everything Bruce had described and more, but you’d won them over, and now had your own Avengers Tower access clearance. Sometimes you and Bruce met up there, especially if he was working late, or had been on a mission. It was also the best space for you to hang out with Hulk. The green giant was actually a massive cuddle bug, and enjoyed lounging in his/Bruce’s room, watching Disney movies with you while eating insane amounts of popcorn and candy.

At first, Bruce had been reticent about letting you spend time with his other persona, but you’d convinced him that you would be fine. You knew almost from the first moment that you’d met him that you and Hulk would be friends, because he and Bruce were two sides of the same coin - he would never hurt you.

Now, so far in your relationship, it had all been sunshine and roses - well, apart from that night, but considering what it had led to, you couldn’t be too upset - you and Bruce having cute dates, sweet kisses and lots of laughter. As you got off the subway you hoped that he’d be able to manage something different, and you didn’t mean intimacy. Well, that would be nice, but also, you were content to wait until it felt right for both of you. What you did need today was comfort, because it had been A Day TM (a really shitty day) because even the best relationship could improve what it was like to work in a retail job.

It wasn’t as though you weren’t used to asshole customers - you had to usually deal with one or two every day, but today! It was like they’d all held a meeting and decided to show up at the same time and be meaner and more horrible than normal - asking for complex drinks that made no sense, then telling you that you’d done it wrong, when you’d actually triple checked with them before starting.

Walking up to the front entrance of the tower you fanned your face, trying to disperse the tears that threatened to fall from just thinking about it. You wouldn’t let them bring you down!

Striding into the building, you flashed your access card to the security guard before swiping it at the executive elevator. You were glad that you’d be able to travel straight to Bruce’s floor. He wasn’t expecting you at this time, but one of your colleagues had owed you, so you’d ended your shift a couple of hours early and made your way straight here. Hopefully you’d be able to hang out in his room while he finished up his work for the day. Or maybe you could keep him company in the lab if you signed some kind of NDA.

You could feel yourself spiralling and you swallowed back a small cry, turning it into a hiccup as the elevator came to a halt and you virtually stumbled out into Bruce’s living room…

… to be met with the sight of Hulk, sitting on the floor, worry beads around his neck, watching Lilo and Stitch.

His face broke into a broad smile when he saw you, and he clambered to his feet as quickly as he could.

“Pretty Girl!” He turned and looked at the clock and then back at you. “Pretty Girl early!”

You bit your lip and nodded. Despite your mood, a small smile played at the edges of your mouth.

“Uh-huh. I just needed to see you… or Bruce.”

Hulk looked at you for a moment, and blinked. “Pretty Girl okay that Hulk here, not Bruce?”

You nodded, his earnestness and innocence threatening to destroy the last of your control. You took a step towards him, followed by a second and then you were throwing yourself into his arms, pressing your face against his chest and letting the tears of frustration flow.

Slowly, Hulk wrapped his arms around you, and you noticed he was a little unsure.

“Pretty Girl sad. Did bad man come back and try hurt you?”

You lifted your head, and sniffed with a little smile. “No. Nothing like that. Just a bad day at work.”

You eased out of his hold so you could drop your purse and take your coat off.

“How Hulk help? Want Hulk smash?”

He was too sweet. It was tempting.

“No. No smashing. Just be you, buddy. Sit back down and I’ll join you - we can finish watching together. I just need some cuddles.”

He let out a light snort and lumbered back over to his pile of cushions, dropping down heavily. You knew that Tony had had this floor reinforced, but you were still astounded when the floor didn’t shake. Once he appeared comfortable you joined him, climbing up into his lap and pressing into his side. He was so warm!

You watched in silence together for 10 minutes or so, both of you letting out the odd bark of laughter at the antics of Lilo and her extraterrestrial friend. You could feel yourself calming down just through this - being here and being cared for, with no expectation, something that previous boyfriends had never given you.

You were glad you had Bruce, and Hulk. Which brought you back to why the latter was here.

“Hey, Big Guy. Any reason you’re out today? Was there a mission, because I know Bruce had a load of scientific stuff to do today.”

You felt his body stiffen under you.

“No mission. No smash. Stark happen.”

You sighed - it stood to reason.

“Did he frighten Bruce again?”

He let out a resigned huff.

“Wanted to know what makes Hulk appear. Now Hulk not want to go back. Hulk come here, home. Watch movies, try to be calm.”

You rose up on your knees and pressed your palm to his cheek, feeling him lean into it gently.

“So you’ve had a bad day too? I’m sorry. What about if I get some more snacks and you pick another movie. How does that sound?”

“Hulk like snacks. Hulk like movies. Hulk love Pretty Girl.”

You dropped a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Love you too, Big Guy.”

You got up, and went to the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards for enough snacks to keep Hulk sated. You smiled to yourself as you heard him talking to FRIDAY, picking the next thing you were going to watch. Snacks and drinks obtained you took your place, back on his lap.

The opening credits played and you smiled - the Little Mermaid.

“You know, if you ever have this problem again, ask FRIDAY to call me. I’m more than happy to help cheer you up. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Yes. Hulk and Pretty Girl best friends.”

You both settled down then to watch Ariel fight for her true love. Hulk kept an arm around you, holding you close, but without squashing you, and every so often you ran your hand up and down his arm or scratched your fingers into his black hair, quietly soothing him.

About 10 minutes from the end, Hulk started to fidget and shift under you. You got up and watched as he slowly shrank, and his skin returned to pink. Bruce looked up at you, slightly chagrined, from the pillow nest on the floor. “Hey.”

You smiled and sat back down next to him, wrapping your arms around one of his and leaning your head on his shoulder. “Hey, yourself. Feeling better?”

“Absolutely.” Bruce leant over and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “And you? Sorry I wasn’t here to help.”

“Not your fault. And I’m sure there will be another day with a-hole customers. I’m also certain that Tony won’t frighten Hulk out of you again.”

Bruce chuckled. “You give him more credit than he’s due. Although he might not try it again for a while - the Other Guy smashed up his new Porsche…”

You couldn’t help it - you laughed out loud, cuddling into your boyfriend, and realising that life wasn’t so bad after all.

Tag list: @jobean12-blog @tuiccim @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @chemtrails-club @peaches1958 @pono-pura-vida @writing-for-marvel @esposadomd

#bruce banner x reader #hulk x reader #hulk fluff #bruce banner fluff #late writes #ymatog

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jarro-stan-account · 2 years

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Okay so

once Bruce is back from his field trip in the time stream, I think his kids would pretend he was still gone to cope with The Trauma tm and also to piss him off.

Alfred: Master Jason, where are you going with those tires? Jason: Bruce left every tire he owned to me in his will

Bruce: I did NOT

Tim, at the breakfast table: I can’t believe I still make two cups of coffee, one for myself and one for him. Tim:

Tim, swiping Bruce’s coffee: Ah well, it’d be a shame to let it go to waste.

Bruce: Hey-

Dick, JL meeting: Bruce loved me for who I was. That’s why, with him gone, I’m making a point to express myself now more than ever. From here on out, I will be wearing the disco wing suit to all JL public appearances-

Jon: Are you SURE you’re allowed to do this??? I thought your dad said you weren’t old enough.

Damian: Father… when- when Father was alive. He made sure we were trained to face the dangers that Gotham hides in her shadows. It is imperative that I complete this training. In his memory.

Bruce: Damian Wayne, step away from the Batmobile this instant.

Bruce, staring at the dinosaur in the cave that has been painted a bright, lurid purple.

Stephanie: Bruce might have been a GIANT, RAGING, ASSHOLE, but it’s the least I could do to honor his dying wish to paint the entire cave purple. Starting with the dinosaur.

Bruce: Stephanie, no.

Batman, landing on the GCPD rooftop: I saw the signal. Situation?

Jim Gordon, to himself: I still can’t believe he’s gone. He seemed larger than life. Sometimes… I light the signal again. To remember what he stood for. To remember the man he was. To remember what he believed, we, as a people, could be.

Bruce:

Bruce: You too?

Bruce: Quit telling everyone I’m dead!

Entire family and change: Sometimes I can still hear his voice

#long post #i was gonna make this longer but didn’t wanna clog up y’all’s dashes but trust me I had more ideas #batman #batfamily #dc universe #bruce wayne #batfam #jason todd #dick grayson #batdad #damian wayne #stephanie brown #james gordon #tim drake #Also I’m sorry I was gonna put a line break in but I have no clue how I swear it was a funny purple line button but I have no idea how #Nvm found it we good

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magnorious · 7 months

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Pixar’s Cars is still way better than people give it credit for

Am I writing an essay on a kids movie that fell out of relevance after the last sequel seven years ago? Yes. Is it my favorite background animated movie to put on whenever I’m working? Yes.

It goes without saying that Pixar’s catalog is still topped by movies like Incredibles, Toy Story 2, Up, Inside Out, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, etc. Cars sat at the bottom of Pixar’s “best of” list until its sequel came out and people realized how bad Pixar movies could actually be.

But you know what? I love Cars. Is the story as deep and moving and profound as some of the others? No. But it was made with love and after what feels like the past 8 years of resounding “meh” coming from Hollywood and some of the most shameless cash grabs pretending they’re not, Cars remains my feel-good movie. It doesn’t have that classic Pixar “cry your eyes out” moment, no dead parents, no chosen ones, decently low stakes. It’s a good time, anytime.

Why I’m writing this now, though, is because of this: I knew already that the King and Chick were based off real racers, and Lightning’s “McQueen” is another homage, but I looked up if Doc was also based on a famous racer during my last rewatch and found this on Wikipedia:

Doc’s car model, the Hudson Hornet, was manufactured from 1951-1953 for its original run. In 1954, its manufacturer merged with another company and the Hornet was heavily remodeled to boost sales, only the popularity of the car never recovered. It stayed in production until ‘57. It was used in racing and that’s where Doc’s paint job in the finale draws inspiration.

But do you remember what his backstory is? 3 back-to-back Piston Cups from ‘51-’53, a crash in ‘54 that saw him rebuilt, and obsolescence upon his return.

People complain that they “didn’t need to be cars” in this movie. They’re not like the toys in Toy Story where the plot and message depends on them not being human. They’re not like the fish in Finding Nemo. They could have just been humans who drive race cars and it raises more questions than it answers.

You are wrong, Sir.

Doc’s backstory is why they had to be cars. They aren’t human because the story depends on them being machines – as Cars 3 explores more deeply. A human endurance runner can train to be the fastest, running against other humans with the same chances at success (ignoring steroids and socioeconomic opportunity). Humans aren’t running foot races against mutants or aliens where, no matter what we do, we will lose by nature of what we are.

Cars do. A car model is beholden to its manufacturing and all the complications that come with it. Cars are objects that, like toys, have obsolescence built into them. There is no “outdated” way to run a foot race.

So yes, Doc has a Tragic Backstory(tm) but it’s not just that he was some great master at the top of his game once that faded from glory like any human who got too old. He’s a car, and no matter how good he was, how many Piston Cups he won, the powers that be that made newer models with better mileage and efficiency and mechanics were always going to dethrone him.

The movie isn’t about him, though, it’s about another rookie. A rookie who lives life in the fast lane and thinks his time in the spotlight is never going to end when Doc can look at him and know exactly how wrong he is. Lightning is a race car too and, regardless of the existence of Cars 3, Lightning will also inevitably become obsolete no matter what he does to fight it.

I doubt the writers were going for this when they wrote it but that they’re machines is also a criticism of how we treat celebrities. Lightning is an entertaining story until the next shiny starlet emerges and, through no fault of his own, he’s kicked to the curb for the “new”. And that new will be cast aside for the next new and so on and so forth and the only winner is the greedy producer making money off their cash cow until they drain it dry.

Yes, the movie is about appreciating life and the things that you do have and “the friends we made along the way” but that they’re machines matters. Had they all been human, the movie would have lost half its message, and half the tragedy. If they were human driving cars, Doc wasn’t written with a disability so he could have, in theory, hopped back behind the wheel of a new car and still won against younger drivers. He’s not human, he’s a car, and he isn’t built to go as fast as newer models.

Age affects everyone, but a world made by machines that pits machines against other machines in an endurance test is inherently rigged when the machinery being tested can always improve.

It is unfortunate that both Doc and the King go out in wrecks (even though the poetry is nice) and the story doesn’t explore the existential obsolescence of being a machine designed to only do so well and be improved upon – even Lightning still has to wreck out of his big race in Cars 3 before he starts losing to the newer models.

But maybe having a Cars movie that does explore the existential obsolescence of a machine might have gone over kids’ heads. Or, maybe not? They pulled off some very mature themes in Incredibles with marriage problems and presumed infidelity that kids probably didn’t understand but still knew was not good for the characters.

Not to mention all the other wonderful details in this movie: The car-pun cities on all the license plates, the tire tracks in the sky and car-shaped natural phenomena, all the creative sponsoring brands on the racers.

How the “Life is a Highway” montage hits you over and over again with a straight road that cuts through the winding nature (the snaking river, the mountains sliced open to make room), industry that stops for nothing and scars everything in its path.

If you haven’t watched this movie in a while, do yourself a favor and find time to do so.

#disney pixar #pixar #pixar cars #cars

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jadedbutler · 2 months

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Who else up terrorized by Moriarty no yuukoku

Sherlock encountering William at a Crime Scene (TM) what happens next may sadden you

Moonlight bleeds through the white muslin curtains billowing over the open balcony windows, silhouetting his slender form.

All the other lights in the manor have been snuffed out. He’s resting back against a nightstand by the window, cigarette poised between the elegant, gloved fingers of one hand still dripping wet with noble blood. The other hand loosely grips the blade sheathed in his cane.

A cruel wind outside howls. The dark coat draped over his narrow shoulders flutters from the draft. He tilts his head slightly, and the moon caresses his delicate features, the slight down-turned curve of his mouth, the pale lashes dipped over his eyes. Breathtaking – the very portrait of a fallen angel, isn’t he?

“Fancy meeting you here~” Sherlock says casually, as if he’s not breath-taken, sidling up next to him. Careful not to step in the puddle of blood soaking the thick carpet, courtesy of the cane-sword, of course. Doesn’t exactly take a master detective to piece that one together.

The Lord of Crime, William James Moriarty, doesn’t acknowledge him right away. He purses his lips, not-quite pouting as he exhales a thin stream of smoke into the darkness. The tobacco somewhat masks the smell of carnage and kerosene surrounding him.

Although he’s a mere half-metre away, he’s so, terribly distant. Look, but don’t touch. Fragile in the way a broken window is fragile – come too close, and you’ll get yourself hurt. Sherlock wants so badly to cup that porcelain-cut face in his hands, brush away the tears he cannot shed.

Instead, Sherlock gestures with his own unlit cigarette, perched between his middle and index fingertips. “Got a light?”

The carmine eyes that finally rise to meet Sherlock’s gaze catch none of the moon’s light. None of the sparkle that had once danced in his irises, when he looked at the golden ratio or chatted at length about puzzles and mysteries. Now, dull and dark as the stains on the carpet.

Liam treats Sherlock with a wordless smile, raising his cigarette to his lips and tipping his head forward, offering.

Sherlock leans in, pressing the end of his cigarette to the cherry of Liam’s, and they both inhale in unison until an orange ember blossoms between them.

A lingering pause, ash-scented and bitter.

Liam breaks first. “Are you here to arrest me, Mr. Holmes?” he asks in those deceptively demure tones of his. “I’m afraid that I can’t afford to formally cross your path for a little while longer.”

Sherlock pulls back and sighs out a mouthful of smoke. “I’m hardly here on pure motives,” he holds up the earring he’d snatched from the cellar, presumably right before Liam had blessed the entire house with blood and combustible liquid. “But you already knew that, didn’t you? Liam.”

The earring is a delicate thing – silver-backed and smithed into the shape of a leaf and stem, bearing tiny pearls as the bells of lily-of-the-valley. “It seemed like a simple request at first,” Sherlock drawls, flicking his hand so the tiny bells chime. “Finding this thing.”

Liam makes an obliging gesture with his smoking-hand. The grip on his cane does not ease for even a moment.

Sherlock begins: “A young heiress from a neighbouring company is making her debut in society, and loses an earring – a gift from her late mother – the night after attending an event at a young lord’s manor. She’s set to leave London tomorrow, and wants the matching set before she departs.”

“Oho. Perhaps it had fallen off sometime during the festivities,” Liam murmurs, sliding his red gaze away from Sherlock and into some fixed point in the room’s shadows. “It’s easy to lose things in the fray.”

“ Perhaps ,” Sherlock snorts, batting his hand. “Except the young lord won’t let her search the premises the next day. Pretty stingy considering he was just throwing a party.”

“I imagine he had some cleaning to do. It would be shameful to let a guest see the state of the place after such an eventful night.”

Sherlock gives Liam a sharp look. He feels a tug at his mouth, and bites back the smile threatening to creep across his face. This feels far too much like the times Sherlock would ramble on to Liam about other cases and puzzles they’d solve together.

“So the young lord happens to have a rather high turnover rate for servants, some who quit because of dreadfully low wages, and others who go missing entirely. A real piece of work, he is.”

“ Was ,” says Liam, softly.

“Of course,” Sherlock continues, ashing into a cigarette case he’s untucked from his pocket. Can’t afford to leave around circumstantial evidence and get pinned as an accomplice, even if Liam is clearly going to burn this bloody place to the ground. “The case had your handprints all over it. A lost earring leads to a decadent noble who starves his staff and toys with them in his spare time.”

Liam takes another contemplative drag of his cigarette. Smoke curls around his unwavering smile. “The young lady will be glad that you’ve retrieved her precious jewellery for her.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure she’ll be thrilled I’d pulled it from the corpse of the hapless dead servant who had nicked the damn thing,” Sherlock scowls, snuffing out his cigarette entirely.

“By the way,” he jerks his thumb back, “I had to give Scotland Yard a tip about the servant’s body in the cellar, so you should wrap this up before you actually do get arrested.”

Liam lowers his hand, cigarette held loosely between his fingertips. “I see,” he says, and dammit all if he doesn’t sound just a little disappointed!

Sherlock hisses out a sigh. “Y’know, Liam, if you want to see me, you know where I live. You can drop by any time.” Then, in a voice softer than he’d intended, so low that it almost breaks: “You don’t have to do this.”

“On the contrary,” nothing about Liam’s tone or expression betrays him, but Sherlock still feels a profound, aching loneliness grip his heart, squeeze tight. “This is all I can do.”

Curse this rank, corrupt society, for making Liam think this way about himself.

Curse Liam, for choosing the shadows and blood, for hurting himself, for staining his hands with this worthless lot.

And curse Sherlock, for leaving him behind, slipping out into the night through the balcony while Liam stays behind and drops his cigarette onto the kerosene-soaked floors, drowning the accursed manor in flame.

Next time, next time will be different. Sherlock won’t let Liam stay a puzzle he can’t solve.

I've linked the fluffy follow up here if u want to see it 😮‍💨✌️🚬

#sherliam #the title on ao3 is carve a smile which is the title of a song by shayfer james that i think kind of encapsulates this vibe #i need to write more for them william is eating away at my brain like a centipede

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dartmoorsfinest · 7 days

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[MASTERPOST] JOSH WIDDICOMBE: “NOT MY CUP OF TEA” (2025/2026 TOUR)

A masterpost of information related to Josh's upcoming 2025/2026 UK tour. Including pre-sale/general sale info, and venue information.

**THIS POST IS CURRENTLY WIP!!!!**

WAKE UP, LOSERS! Josh has announced his next tour for 2025/2026!

“Not My Cup of Tea” will be touring around the UK, starting this time next year! (September 2025-May 2026) His first tour since 2019!

BLURB: "Josh Widdicombe is back on tour, not again! By now he has almost certainly mastered the art of stand-up, either that or he has wasted the last 15 years of his life. Come along and decide for yourself. Expect it to be shorter and with lower production values than Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour, but funnier and with more references to tea."

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Also, I’m sure this’ll be the FIRST LEG (ha!) of the tour, so hold onto your hats, he’ll likely come to a venue near you! Guessing due to Josh's popularity, thanks to Parenting Hell, demand for him will have gone up a bit since 2019. Good luck!

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TICKET INFO/DATES, PRESS ETC, BELOW THE CUT.

TICKET ACCESS INFO:

PRICES: £31-£37 (according to the Liverpool Philharmonic, may vary depending on venue)

PRE-SALE INFO:

Pre-sale will be on Thursday 19th September (11am), while general sale will be the following day.

Sign-up to Josh's mailing list BEFORE 9am on 19th September for pre-sale access.

As ever, don’t stick with the big name ticket websites - try to stick to the venues themselves, as that's where most the allocation of tickets will be! (tour dates and more info below the cut)

I'm sure I don't need to say it, and it's probably unlikely, but obviously... DON'T BUY FROM RESALE WEBSITES (Oasis say hi!). Do you want Hillsy calling you a dick??

Ticketmaster UK

ATG Tickets (tend to have their own members pre-sale too)

AXS

KEY:

[TM] = Ticketmaster

Any direct venue links will have the date/venue name displayed as a link and highlighted in BOLD. Will be updated as soon as we know them!

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2025 DATES:

SEPTEMBER Sunday 14 September: Canterbury, The Marlowe Wednesday 17 September: Bedford, Corn Exchange [TM] Thursday 18 September: King's Lynn, Corn Exchange [TM] Saturday 20 September: Fareham, Fareham Live [TM] Thursday 25 September: Swindon, Wyvern [TM] Friday 26 September: Eastbourne, Congress [TM] Sunday 28 September: Bournemouth, Pavilion [TM] Tuesday 30 September: Malvern, Festival Theatre OCTOBER Thursday 2 October: Hull, City Hall [TM] Saturday 4 October: Doncaster, CAST Sunday 5 October: Dartford, Orchard Theatre Wednesday 8 October: Guildford, G Live [TM] Thursday 9 October: High Wycombe, Swan Theatre [TM] Saturday 11 October: Cambridge, Corn Exchange [TM] Tuesday 14 October: Reading, Hexagon Thursday 16 October: Hastings, White Rock Theatre [TM] Saturday 18 October: Coventry, Warwick Arts Centre Thursday 23 October: Croydon, Fairfield Halls Saturday 25 October: Portsmouth, Kings Theatre [TM] NOVEMBER Saturday 1 November: Halifax, Victoria Theatre Sunday 2 November: Wolverhampton, Grand Monday 3 November: Llandudno, Venue Cymru [TM] Tuesday 4 November: Chester, Storyhouse [TM] Saturday 8 November: Exeter, The Great Hall [TM] Sunday 9 November: Truro, Hall For Cornwall [TM] Monday 10 November: Torquay, Princess Theatre [TM] Tuesday 11 November: Yeovil, Westlands [TM] Saturday 15 November: Buxton, Opera House Sunday 16 November: Scunthorpe, Bath's Hall [TM] Monday 17 November: Newcastle Upon Tyne, Tyne Theatre Tuesday 18 November: Stockton, The Globe [TM] Saturday 22 November: Stockport, Plaza Sunday 23 November: Blackpool, Grand Tuesday 25 November: Northampton, Derngate [TM] Sunday 30 November: Liverpool, Philharmonic [TM]

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2026 DATES:

FEBRUARY Saturday 28 February: York, Barbican [TM] MARCH Saturday 7 March: Douglas, Gaiety Theatre Thursday 12 March: Woking, New Victoria Theatre [TM] Saturday 14 March: Aylesbury, Waterside Theatre Thursday 19 March: Bromley, Churchill Theatre [TM] Saturday 21 March: Nottingham, Royal Concert Hall [TM] Thursday 26 March: Southend, Cliffs Pavilion [TM] APRIL Saturday 11 April: Ipswich, Regent Theatre Friday 17 April: Grimsby, Auditorium [TM] Saturday 18 April: Stoke-On-Trent, The Regent Theatre Sunday 19 April: Salford, Lowry Lyric Theatre [TM] Friday 24 April: Brighton, Dome [TM] Saturday 25 April: Oxford, New Theatre MAY Friday 1 May: Aberdeen, Music Hall Saturday 2 May: Edinburgh, Playhouse Sunday 3 May: Glasgow, King's Theatre Monday 4 May: Inverness, Eden Court [TM] Tuesday 5 May: Birmingham, Hippodrome Wednesday 6 May: Milton Keynes, Theatre Saturday 9 May: Swansea, Arena Sunday 10 May: Cardiff, New Theatre [TM] Monday 11 May: Cheltenham, Town Hall Saturday 16 May: London, Hackney Empire

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PRESS:

British Comedy Guide

Beyond the Joke

Chortle

Eastern Daily Press (Norfolk)

Ipswich Star

Oxfordshire Guardian

#josh widdicombe #not my cup of tea #jwnews #myshit #masterpost

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jestershark · 8 months

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if you say "i like everything except country and hip-hop"

there was a post going around a while ago which had people justifying why they don't listen to black music and rap and it pissed me off so i made a baby's first rap playlist.

some personalized recommendations below the cut

Being An Ally (tm) means complaining about racism and also Pushing The People You Are In Community With To Do Better. so I've compiled a list of excuses I've heard people make and some songs to counteract those excuses.

so i went through the post and then some reddit/quora responses for "why don't you like black artists" and "why don't you like rap"-- the general answer for lots of these is "you have uninterrogated racism and bias and you aren't working on fixing that"

so while i don't think a lot of these excuses are like, good excuses, I'm going to go down a list of excuses and recommend some starter songs

i think a lot of White Kids have this response of "i like everything except rap and country", but black musicians make every kind of music! rap itself has a ton of variation-- it's not just mumble rap and gangsta rap, there's tons of artists with different voices, different styles, and different results. (honestly a lot of you would like backpack rap and nerd rap. i see you)

here's my list

"I like music with good lyrics"

try out doechii

youtube

By the time you hear this I'll have taken on another form The way I been snappin ya'll gon end up my children of the corn I think I've adapted to all of the cannibal savages I feel a Possession in this session I need a catholic to Assess it Come and bless it Then undress it

mf DOOM is a favourite for a fucking reason:

youtube

There's four sides to every story If these walls could talk, they'd probably still ignore me Contemplate war over a cup of warm coffee It's really getting gory, tell your problem to Maury

Don't bore V with the "Glory, hallelu-ey" Crews be like, foo-ey he's just a buncha hoo-ey I knew he had new G, who he? Viktor Vaughn He had a new sicker song, I think he call it "Lickupon"

like 90% of hiphop is just incredible lyricism and puns. what's not to like.

"rappers just write about drugs and violence"

writing about violence well is art! this song is art:

youtube

this song talks about violence, does that make it bad? unrelatable? why does it do that?

youtube

also if you like music that has INSANE lyrical flexibility, please listen to this:

youtube

"i only like music if i can somehow tie it to my ocs"

everything is going wrong in my oc's life and they're barely keeping it together:

youtube

"i like strings and traditional instruments"

this baseline + godzilla sampling is so good-- listen to how they pass the verses back and forth!

youtube

this whole album is a master class in good sampling and i really recommend it!

youtube

"i like kpop"

here's a rap song with miku in it

youtube

"i like gay music only"

there are SO MANY gay rappers and hip hop artists, so many. do you deny the internet? this song by ilovemakonnen is extremely Gay Love. here's a song about being a huge lesbian.

here's a huge playlist: find SOMETHING. here's a bunch more.

"Most all rappers sound the same", "the beats nearly all the same", "Not a whole lot of melodic value to rap" , "Most modern rap is crap with no actual musicianship or storytelling", "Because rap is hedonistic, narcissistic, misogynistic and worst of all violent."

ok go through and listen to what I've linked above. do those all sound the same to you? think about why. think about what you like about other music, and what it might be about this music in particular that you don't like.

if you listen to a song by tupac, or snoop dog, or any other 90s rapper, their music is the cornerstone of all of modern music. including country. including kpop. including stuff that's far away from any other music. without hiphop and rap you don't have like. half the other genres that currently exist, and the other half have no reason to evolve or change.

"I just don't like their vocal timber"

you're racist. find jesus.

A final word:

listen to critics who say this stuff better than i can-- and i guarantee these are fun youtube videos to watch by creators who Are Good At Their Jobs

the rap critic

fd signifier

foreign man in a foreign land

khadija mbowe

princess weekes

bonus some of you should watch this video and this video

#not staying in my lane #i understand i'm extremely White Girl Who Likes Rap Music. but like.#it's really good #Youtube

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brainyrot · 1 year

Note

For the prince of hell AU thing, how would Bendy be around the cupbros, cause if this follows the original timeline this means that Bendy grew up with the cup brothers at some point in his life, and if he was Black Hat’s student too then that means Bendy was there to watch the brothers grow up and also witness the horrors of Demon Blood(tm)

So, would prince au Bendy be close to the brothers or would he just view them at those guys he grew up with and fight with sometimes

So! // tw: mentions of attempts of suicide //

Bendy, just like with everyone else, wouldn't care about the cupbros unless they are an obstacle, but keeps himself from hurting them because of Boris (until bendy eventually gets a soft spot for the questers and the rest of the house, and starts to like the cupbros.)

but usually, he's neutral to them, he doesn't care, he actually finds it amusing how bad they hate demons, if he was allowed to (he plays fair at least, he follows Boris orders) he would have mocked them and let Cuphead kill himself

And no! They did not grow up together, because bendy was not a fledgling when the cupbros stayed with hat, bendy simply becomes hats student because he needs a master to help him through the fledging state and a demon who won't snitch on his "good behavior" towards surface toons, lucky for him he can use hat to make people believe it's an act to get what he wants (which at first it was, but now he really is nice and cares.)

But at first he was really annoyed with them, because they were trying to kill HIM and his debtor which wasn't ideal. And he gets even MORE annoyed because he can't protect himself (aka: kill them.) He has to follow the surface rules and Boris rules.

This means he figures out the demon blood deal later with everyone like in the original, because he didn't know these two before.

#hopes this clears up!#bendy and boris in the inky mystery #babtqftim #bendy and boris the quest for the ink machine #prince of hell au #bendy the dancing devil #bendy the dancing demon #cuphead #mugman #cuphead & mugman

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authortobenamedlater · 1 year

Note

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

(Not necessarily in order and subject to change next time I get tagged in one of these)

Anakin and Rex won a war, they can handle two Force-wielding toddlers, right?

Right????

I always come back to this as my #1. @mrtobenamedlater gave me the idea and I ran with it. Everyone lives/nobody dies, crack treated mostly seriously, funny and also a little sad in places, lots of callbacks and fan service. I had a ball writing this one.

A bounty hunter and an heiress get more than they bargained for following The Rescue.

This kicked off my MRR AU. After the S2 finale I said in jest “I think Mando’s gonna have to marry Bo-Katan for political expediency next season” and Mr said “You should write that.” And. Well. I did.

This was one of the first DinBo fics on AO3, if not the first. Even though this AU has stagnated since I lost all my documents for it last year, I love it dearly.

Let Halsey stick an AI in your brain, they said. It will be fun, they said.

Only they never said that, and it is not fun.

Absolute crack. This one was a wild ride. I don’t think it’s my best fic, but it’s absolutely my funniest.

Fair warning: Nothing explicit, but plenty of roasting that which Halo has brought upon itself. I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

The Master Chief is only human, after all.

Follow-up to Everyone’s Favorite Scene(TM) in S1. This fic was a lot of frustration and lot of work and a lot of nerves. It was, however, very satisfying to write even if it wasn’t fully canon compliant anymore by the time I finished it. I tried to treat a messy situation (and boneheaded storytelling decision) with the weight it deserved while not making the story unbearable and I like to think I did all right.

Again, fair warning for nothing descriptive but several mentions of canonical sexual content. That is the whole reason the story exists, and all.

NCIS/Halo (TV or game) crossover.

For the crossover-themed International Fanworks Day 2023. I really like the dialogue in this one 😂 and I like the idea of a the UNSC having its own NCIS. I’ve been contemplating writing some more for this crossover AU.

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pokemonnovic · 5 months

Text

Gym Leaders

Note: This is an OG chapter post from the Wattpad book for archival reasons only, I plan on doing a more comprehensive rewrite in the future)

These are the gym leaders of the Dranowa region. So far it's about halfway done. Another thing to note, A gym leader's ace Pokémon will only have both signature (TM Move) and a Duel type move on their ace at the same time on hard mode

Amphibole Town (First Gym)

Types: Ground, Steel, Rock

Badge: Drill Badge

Tm:

Duel Type TM:

Gym Leader(s): Eartha and Sten

Bio: Sibling duo who run the Amphibole Town Gym. Eartha and Sten are the children of Sterling, the founder of Amphibole's mining company, Driller Inc. Depending on the gender the player chose for their trainer marks which one of the duo you will face (this only applies to the main gym battle and not any subsequent battles afterwards as afterwards you will be able to face both of them):

*If you chose the female trainer then you will face Sten.

*if you chose the male trainer you will face Eartha.

(Something else to note (If anyone has any concerns about gender): There will be an option for the player to change their pronouns in the options menu at anytime (default will be set based on the initial character and all player outfits will be available for both male/female trainers). Eartha/Sten will not be affected by whatever your pronouns are set as and only are dependent on which trainer you chose at the start of the game.

You are able to rebattle them both (single or double) post game with a way different team (Eartha's will favor more towards ground types while Sten's will favor towards rock types). Their dad is also battleable, favoring Steel types.

They will also appear as separate trainers in the Resort Area and be recruitable as separate partners for the Battle Resort.

Team (s):

Eartha's:

Drillbur

(Ace) Noggindrill

Sten's:

Cranados

(Ace) Noggindrill

—-

??? (Second Gym)

Type: Fighting

Badge: Pawn Badge

Tm: ???

Duel Type TM: ???

Gym Leader: Pawna

Bio: The oldest gym leader in Dranowa. Pawna is a world-renown chess player despite her age. She has a rivalry with Grimsley, who has lost to her every time they play chess.

Her gym is themed like a giant chess board and she uses both evolutions of Rogallant on her team (rematches only).

Team (Three pokemon):

Rogallant (male)

Dranowan Bisharp

(Ace) Rogallant (female)

—-

Westpost Town (Third Gym)

Type: Poison

Badge: Plague Badge

TM: Toxic Shock (Deals damage and has a change of inflicting poison, sleep, or paralysis)

Duel Type TM: Acid Rain (Water/Poison)

Leader: Vesper

Bio: Known as the "the poisonous masquerade". Vesper is an avid Pokémon contest goer. He's not as well known as Wallace or Fantina but does have a considerate amount of fans. His outfit is inspired by that of a plaque doctor and his ace Pokémon, Zhenogen.

He's a well known Pokémon Coordinator who often participates in Pokémon contests. Even managing to beat the likes of Wallace and won first place in the Dranowan Master Cup a few times. Vesper has a strong dislike for Tucker, mostly for his very narcissistic comments about himself (as seen in their post-game Battle Resort interactions, being one of the only times he snaps at someone).

Vesper is a generally friendly person, even to those who tend to be rather grumpy and trash talk him, such as Winton (who's he's actually good friends with). He's quite patient and doesn't get easily annoyed as he tries his best to keep his composure. Though rare, he will snap if the person in question constantly badgers him.

Later on it's revealed that him and Tucker are actually half-brothers, abet very distant (Tucker has no clue and Vesper refuses to acknowledge him as a relative. Both were raised regions apart, each a separate parent and family). Vesper will only tell this to the player this.

Team (Three pokemon in total):

Salazzle

Rosalia

Zhenogen (flying/poison) ability: Corrosion

Moves: Acid, Peck, Acid Rain, toxic Shock

—-

Calamities Town (4th gym)

Type: Grass

Badge: Lotus Badge

TM: Giga Drain

Duel Type TM: ???

Leader: Hazel

Bio: ???

Team (total of four Pokémon):

Leafeon

Citrid

Servine (female)

(Ace) Aloewette (Grass Water)

—-

Oceanbreeze City (fifth gym)

Type: Water

Badge: Anchor Badge

TM: Deluge (Damaging water move who's power is upped in Rain)

Duel Type TM: ???

Leader: Marinus

Bio: A marine biologist and part-time gym leader. His gym is part of the aquarium he works at where he helps rehabilitate injured water Pokémon. Marinus was one of the previous champion's friends and rival when they were on their Pokémon journey. He's usually stern, quiet, and doesn't talk much.

Marinus is the only gym leader to currently use a Mega on his team.

Team (total of 5):

Crocanaw (Dranowian form)

Sharpedo

Ominite

Hailpoon

Hydrolisk

(Ace) Delfineon (mega)

—-

Constallos City (Sixth gym)

Type: Light

Badge: Infrared Badge

TM: ???

Duel Type TM: Solar Burst (Light/Fire)

Leader: Dexter

Bio: the youngest gym leader in the region. Dexter is your stereotypical nerd. He spends most of his time trying to come up with new inventions and is best friends with the professor's son and one of the player's rivals, Alvis.

Team (total of 4):

Heliolisk

???

(Ace) Aluereon

—-

Glaceice Town (seventh gym)

Badge: Cryo badge

Tm: Icicle Crash

Duel type Tm: ???

Leader: Winton

Bio: The hotheaded ice type gym leader from a once remote village. He is known to be rather grumpy and prone to loosing his temper. Yet underneath his ice cold outer shell, he's quite compassionate and friendly once he warms up to you.

Winton has very messy blue hair and wears very unfitting colored glasses that he's prone to throwing when he gets mad (yes that means he breaks them a lot). If he doesn't chuck them, they will usually end up crooked on his nose.

Winton loves ice skating to the point his shoes have a set of ice skates built into the soles that he can pop out at will. He likes to use this method to get to somewhere quicker, somehow managing to skate on other surfaces other than ice, even without his Pokémon freezing the ground along the way like he usually does. Also for his gym intro he puts on a little show once you reach him.

His grandma runs a clinic/hospital that has been in the family for years and as a result he has some knowledge on how to do first aid. The clinic is also his home. His family descends from a rather famous healer and one of the original two Consolers to the King of an Ancient Dranowan civilization, and the handler of the legendary Pokémon Galasklisk.

He's also best buddies with Flock, whom he considers a little brother since his Grandma took him under her wing as well. Both of them are orphans (he was abandoned by his parents at a young age while Flock was forced to flee his home region)

Team (total of 5 Pokémon):

(Ace) Wintigo (Ice/Dark)

Cryogonal

Smaiber

???

Noctowl (Dranowan form)

—-

Brimestone Town (eighth gym)

Type: Fire

Badge: Incandescence Badge

TM: Blaze Tail (basically a fire type tail move)

Duel Type TM: ???

Leader: Amber

Bio: Wife of Team Nova's leader and Mother of your rival Trevor. Like the rest of her family, she has flaming red hair.

She's known for her flamboyant and fiery attitude despite being married to the founder of one the largest research groups in Dranowa and having two kids. It's more than ever evident when she's battling a trainer. (Poor Sirius tho gets so nervous when she starts acting like this in public, even in front of his employees/grunts and admins.)

Because of her husbands actions she has returned to her hometown, refusing challengers until Nova is stopped. Once the whole fiasco with Novatta is cleared up, she returns to Nova HQ seeming to have forgiven Sirius and reuniting with her family.

People from her hometown describe that when her an Sirius first met it was like love at first sight. "His brains and her..... personality. Those two were inseparable.". She also liked to embarrass him every time they went somewhere. Poor Sirius turned as red as a Tamato Berry every time she did so.

She also didn't let Sirius lay down that time they had a meeting with Arcadia and Ein (yes it's that Ein from team Cypher from Coliseum) where she embarrassed him big time. Ein had a hard time keeping his composure after, his wife, Arcadia's snarky comment, "Now there's you a women with some real potential, Siri. Maybe you should do some more research on that."

Team (total of 5):

???

Peablaze (Fire/Flying)

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cynon777 · 10 months

Text

youtube

Hey so I did a thing with TM Master Cup again, the #NR2003 series thats been running since 2007.

The jab I took at Saul Fischel was recorded before the most recent round of Israel's genocide against Palestinians. Its also not a new take that I've openly stated on the show. I've said as much, just perhaps using different phrasing, over a decade ago.

#nr2003 #tm master cup #Youtube

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tobiasdrake · 1 year

Text

Orange League, Episode 31 - Winner's Cup! Full Battle 6 vs. 6!!

Final Destination: Kankitsu/Pummelo Island, where the Winner's Cup awaits. It's time for Ash to take on the ultimate challenge of the Orange League.

This is going to be Ash's first time in an all-out 6v6 battle. He needs to think very carefully about his team composition. He's finally built a partnership with Charizard but he hasn't quite cracked Snorlax, so he needs to swap them for another Pokemon.

Ash selects Tauros to replace Snorlax, surprising everyone except me who agrees with that choice. Kingler would be redundant with Squirtle, though personally I'd suggest Kingler over Squirtle; Ash's team is too heavy on Special. Muk would give him Poison coverage but he's already got Charizard for Grass Types. Tauros is a lateral move.

With that settled, Ash feels confident in facing the Dragon Master Wataru/Lance Head Leader Yuji/Drake in the championship match!

Round 1: Pikachu vs. Ditto

Mm, it's hard to go wrong when you're fighting Ditto. They're pretty trash. Still, Ash probably should have led with something stronger. Ditto's Achilles Heel is that their HP doesn't transform with the rest of their stats. They can copy, say, Snorlax and attain all of Snorlax's power. But HP remains trash and they go down in one punch.

Pikachu can't take advantage of that, however. Due to being specialized around Speed, his HP is even lower than Ditto's.

Nonetheless, this match is just a slugfest. Pikachu and Fake Pikachu wail on each other until Pikachu's higher level wins out - At the cost of exhausting Ash's highest-level Pokemon.

Round 2: Squirtle vs. Onix

Drake uses Onix to force Ash to withdraw Pikachu. Ash obliges with a solid pick. Do I even need to elaborate? Onix has 4x weakness to Water and only 30 points of Special. Their greatest asset is their phenomenal 160 Defense, which isn't a factor here. Squirtle should eat them alive.

But, of course, Type Chart isn't everything and neither are base stats. Drake raised Onix's Speed EVs to maximum, giving him guaranteed turn priority over Ash's Squirtle. When Ash tries to checkmate via Water Gun, Onix evades with Dig and nails Squirtle.

Ash freezes up, freaked out by this upset, and forfeits his second turn - His only chance to land that Water Gun. Before he knows what's happening, Onix wraps up Squirtle in a Bind.

Unfortunately for Drake, we appear to have upgraded to the Gen 2 ruleset at some point during Ash's trip through the Orange Islands. Trapping moves have been rebalanced and no longer prohibit attacks, so Squirtle can still score that easy win with Hydro Pump.

Sorry, buddy. Gotta update your strats when a new gen comes out.

Round 3: Tauros vs. Gengar

Oh, Ash, what have you done? Tauros and Gengar have mutual invulnerability to each other's primary Types, but that hurts Tauros more than Gengar. For Gengar, that basically just means "You can't Night Shade." Hypnosis/Dream Eater is still on the table, as are any number of Special TMs like Thunderbolt, Psychic, or Mega Drain that they may be packing.

There was a logic to this plan. Ash listened to his coaches, who reminded him that Gengar's Poison subtype gives them a weakness to Psychic and Ground. He brought in Tauros for Ground moves, and you know what? A solid hit from an Earthquake TM would easily carry this.

Unfortunately. Ash gave Tauros Fissure. The guaranteed instant KO attack with 30 accuracy. Obviously the attack misses and Ash takes a Confuse Ray for his trouble. You dolt.

Realizing his folly, Ash switches rather than risk letting Gengar have free reign to dodge Fissures and tear Tauros apart.

Round 4: Lapras vs. Gengar

Ash and Drake can now hit each other with STAB moves. Ash is going to be battling uphill against Gengar's 130 base Special, but Night Shade's going to struggle against Lapras's 130 base HP. Lapras does have Physical options but. Um. They're Normal moves. So.

Drake tries for the easy win with Hypnosis, but 60% accuracy isn't much of an improvement over 30%, so he misses too. This gives Ash a chance to score a free Water Gun.

Episode ends on a cliffhanger between Lapras's Ice Beam vs. Gengar's Night Shade. I'd be shocked if Gengar wins that exchange. I'd expect them to be able to tank Lapras's Ice Beam, but Lapras also has a ton of HP so they should be able to easily weather Night Shade's set-damage.

#pokemon liveblog #pokemon #orange league #yuji #drake #ash ketchum #satoshi

0 notes

willowwhispersspeakeasy · 3 years

Note

Hiya! I hope youre taking requests right now because ive had an idea rattling around for a minute Id like to see!

I adore Levi but sometimes his manipulative personality gets to me - and he almost gives off some incel-like vibes sometimes 😅. So, what do you think would happen if Levi gathers his courage and asks MC out but they have to let him down because theyre already dating another brother (like mammon or someone levi is really annoyed by). I feel like Levis reaction could be dangerous because of his envy and self deprecation-turned-anger

I hope youre having a great day and be sure to drink lots of water 🌸🌸

*looks at third cup of iced coffee* water... that's probably a good idea.

okay but highkey when I first met Levi I was so creeped out. definitely has some incel vibes, especially in the beginning. ive ranted abt how he reminds me of really toxic nerdy guys before (post here) and its super creepy some times.

but his toxic ass is still my favorite so lets brake this scenario down for some unhealthy funsies shall we~

I think it would depend on a mix of how Levi saw your relationship, and which brother it was. (he would handle you dating Mammon worse then Satan, for instance)

for Levi to ask you out in the first place is a lot for him, I dont think he would explicitly do so unless he was primarily sure you were going to say yes. and his self esteem is destroyed after (it'll probably take him a couple hundred years to build it back again)

now if he takes it okay (which, he won't like blow up at you or his brother, at least not at first) he will mostly just slink away and not be seen for a couple weeks. probably stops talking to you out of embarrassment. he will hold a grudge against you and whichever brother, his jealousy bubbling in his belly every time he sees the two of you.

if hes trying to maintain a healthy mindset, he will completely dive into fiction as an attempt to get over you. poor baby waited to long to ask you out and as a result he was already in love with you and now hes morning his broken heart. he fucked up big time as being "just friends" wasn't an option anymore baby was already in to deep.

oh and if he fails at this, or your brother of choice is someone he already despises, things will go very differently.

warning: yandere themes, tw for mentions of physical assault and psychological abuse under the cut

I think this is the quickest way we would end up with a yandere situation in the devildom. if Levi couldn't handle who you were dating things would turn bad really quickly.

he would still lock himself away, unable to face you from his embarrassment, but instead of amercing himself and trying to forget his envy hes going to start plotting. I dont think the man gets enough credit about how fucking good his plans can be.

sure hes an Epic Gamer TM but hes also a war vet. how many ships has he lead to their doom, willing to pay the price to further his goals.

hes a master at strategy, and envy is a hell of a motivator. he doesn't just desire you, oh no that's only one small part now. now he needs to take you away from his brother, from all of his brothers. you are no longer a person but instead an object for him to collect and put on his shelf. a specialty one of a kind piece he refuses to loose to anyone else.

you probably won't put the pieces together until its to late. until someone is dead or close to it. until your bones are broken or, if he can manage it, your mind instead.

Levi would like to trap you in a game, something outside of the physical world where no one else can reach you. leave you trapped like a monster inside a pokeball until your mind cracks. but if that isn't an option hes not apposed to breaking your physical bones, or removing your limbs if needed.

oh and your "Prince Charming" won't be coming to save you. Levi will make sure of that. he may be the third brother, but he is master of the seas. he will hide you away where none of his brothers can reach. maybe even dragging you down to meet Davy Jones himself, legs sewn together, holes sliced in your neck. there's some story about a mermaid who was turned to sea foam after losing her beloved to another... but Levi doesn't plan to make her mistake.

#I loved this so much now I wanna write a oneshot #obey me #omen speaks #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #gender neutral reader #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #mailbox #obey me angst #leviathan headcanons #leviathan x reader

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inber · 4 years

Text

A/N: After Merry wrote me The Tesco Fic TM, how could I not write her A Yearning Fic TM? Heads up for zero brain-cells and some pining. I luv u Merry!

“He's quite the catch, witcher.”

Geralt is busy staring at the sparse bubbles atop his half-empty flagon of ale. He imagines a face there, wide-mouthed and grinning. When some of the foam pops, it winks knowingly at him. He doesn't look up at the barmaid; doesn't quite know how to properly interact with casually conversational humans yet. Even though Jaskier has altered the public perception of Geralt's kind in a favourable way, Geralt is unsure if he'll ever master the elegant art of idle chatter.

“Who is?” Geralt asks, shaking the ale so the pattern will redistribute into something else.

“Your bard.” The maiden says, as if Geralt is a simpleton, dropped on his head one too many times as a child. Retrospectively, he thinks that might be the case. Eskel never did play-fight fairly.

“Not my bard.”

“Oh? Very well, sir witcher.” She winks, just as his drink had; he catches the knowing smirk out of his periphery. “Care for a refill?”

Geralt turns his head to watch Jaskier as he stalks the stage, transformed; man made into part-peacock, part-predator, as captivating as he is cunning. Jaskier is making Filavandrel's lute sing with his skilful strumming. The instrument is alive with ingrained Elder artistry, the delicate wood host to dozens of masterful fingerprints made invisible by time and wear.

The bard himself—Geralt knows better by now than to so much as rib on Jaskier's voice even in his private thoughts—Jaskier is currently warbling about a path, and love, and twin summer-time moons hanging low and golden within reach on the horizon.

It's silly. Geralt knows there is only one moon. He sips at his ale, and nods at the patient barmaid. She sloshes more drink into his cup. The foam grins.

--------------------

For as long as he will live, Geralt won't understand how humans fail to appreciate exactly what goes into their food. He's chewing a piece of sausage, advertised as 'freshly-ground pork', seasoned with sage. He can taste the bovine offal that it's padded with. Perhaps the butcher waved a piglet over the mixture before he ground it. It doesn't taste terrible, though, and the fact that Jaskier scored a platter of the food for a fraction of the asking price means that Geralt won't say a word. He's thankful, truly.

Jaskier is seated for his performance tonight. Considering how rough the roads have been and how far they've travelled to reach this town, it makes sense to Geralt. Jaskier's boots are silly and pretty and his vanity will refuse anything more practical (“But what if we run into someone of import, Geralt? What then? Shall I meet them and bow in a blacksmith boy's hand-me-downs? I think not, dearest.”) and therefore his feet are undoubtedly blistered and aching.

Geralt will pay for a bath. He'll have it sent up to their room after Jaskier is finished with his set, and he'll let Jaskier soak in it for as long as he likes. Geralt will use the water second. It seems fair, what with Jaskier essentially singing for their supper.

When Geralt has cleared his plate, he stands, bringing it over to the counter. When asked if he enjoyed the fare, Geralt makes a non-committal sound, fingering a few coins in his pocket. The owner of the tavern is only partly attentive; the man is mostly watching Jaskier sing.

“May I please have a bath drawn for my room?” Geralt politely requests.

“Hmm? For you and the bard? Certainly, witcher.” The man smiles, gap-toothed, and leans forward. “Got a big brass tub, actually, if you care for it.”

Metal holds heat better, and it's rare to find a basin that will fit all of Jaskier or Geralt's bulk. Pleased, Geralt nods, and lays out the extra coin for it.

“Had it made for newly-weds, we did. Get quite a few lovebirds coming this way, what with the nice mountain views. It's a good indulgence, I think, sharing a bath.”

“That's nice.” Geralt says.

“Plenty of room.” The tavern-keeper glances over at Jaskier, and then back to Geralt.

“He'll enjoy it.”

“Is it true?” The man digresses, sweeping Geralt's coin from the counter, “Did you really save the bard from death's jaws?”

Geralt recalls all the times he's either stood between Jaskier and his certain demise, or accidentally ferried him towards it, and consequently had to reconcile the situation. He frowns. Absently, he hears the lyrics of Jaskier's most current song in the background; it's become a fast-favourite with crowds, but it's so full of prettily painted metaphor that it makes Geralt feel stupid.

“Yes,” Geralt admits, “but he's saved me, too.”

“Indeed,” The man nods, “anyone with eyes could see that, witcher.”

Geralt does not know what he means. Instead of admitting as much, he offers to help draw the bathwater. Jaskier misses a beat of his song when Geralt departs, and Geralt wonders which buxom maiden in the crowd has caught his attention this time.

-----------------

“Wow,” Eskel says, pillowing his chin in his hands, pyrite-eyes focused on Jaskier tip-tappin' away atop a table as he jigs and sings, “took you both long enough.”

“What?” Geralt asks. He's pleasantly plied by some strong dwarven rum, warmed by the chance meeting with his beloved brother on The Path. Eskel looks hale and his coin purse is full enough, which is all Geralt can hope for, considering the dwindling contracts across the Continent.

“You know.” Eskel snorts, bringing his cup to his scar-snipped lips. He pauses. “Fuck me, Geralt. You don't know, do you?”

“Don't know what?” Geralt grouses, frustrated. Glancing around, he narrows his eyes, looking for anything out of the ordinary that might clue him in to Eskel's esoteric behaviour. There's nothing amiss; Jaskier is singing, his crowd is adoring, and the establishment is much like any other in Temeria.

Eskel laughs. He laughs, drops his hands to the table with a dull thud, and shakes his head. Geralt prickles with annoyance.

“Tell me, you ass.”

“Oh, no. I couldn't. This is too good to ruin.” Eskel grins, the absolute fucker, and Geralt resists the urge to reach across the table and attempt to secure him in a childish headlock.

“I hate you.”

Eskel just makes a knowing sound, draining his cup. “Do you like this song?”

Geralt frowns, craning his head. “Jaskier sings it a lot. Composed it recently.”

“Have you actually listened to it, Geralt?”

“Of course I've--”

“Really listened?” Eskel presses.

Geralt's lips thin. He hefts his huge shoulders in a casual shrug. “It's something about a great king and his faithful knight. All kings are foolish, Eskel.”

Eskel chuckles. “Indeed they are.”

As Jaskier reaches the chorus, Geralt leans back in the booth he's occupying with his brother and focuses on the lyrics. Not because Eskel said to, no. He's simply passing the time.

The king has hair like moonlight. How cliché, Geralt thinks; what a poetic way to describe an elderly monarch. The knight would follow him anywhere. Good, Geralt thinks; one does not become a knight by being unfaithful to his crown. There's two moons, there's gold and blue, there's unspoken fealty that becomes resolute love with the passage of time, and oh fuck.

Oh, fuck.

“There it is.” Eskel says, watching Geralt's expression turn vacant.

“But it's-- it's about-- I'm not a king.” Geralt's tongue stumbles.

“Maybe you are, in the eyes of someone else.”

Geralt makes a low sound, the wounded yowl of a frightened cat. “But he's-- we've-- he's been singing this song for, for months.”

Eskel reaches over and claps Geralt soundly on the shoulder. “Why don't you tell him you like it, when he's finished tonight?”

“There's only one moon!” Geralt begs Eskel to understand.

And Eskel does. He always does. “There is.” He says, withdrawing his hand. “Another night, then.”

Geralt stares at Jaskier as he's bowing and thanking his patrons, laughing in his modest way when his upturned cap jingles with coins. The back-light from the fireplace casts a halo silhouette around Jaskier's head, like a divine crown. Geralt nods.

“Another night.”

#the witcher fandom #the witcher fanfiction #prompt fill #geraskier #fortune writes #inber

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a-lonely-tatertot · 4 years

Text

Finding Home

First / Wattpad / ao3

A/n: Another one done another one done! A longer chapter than the last, and the wait was because a lot of stuff came up and i didn't have much motivation to post because i was concerned that no one really cared about this so um yeah sorry

words: 6065

Tw: mentions of injuries and blood if there's others please let me know

Chapter 7: One Hell Of an Exit

It had been three days since Dex told him Fitz left, three days since the pit in his stomach had started steadily growing. What hurt the most wasn’t Fitz actually leaving, it was the fact he told Dex instead of him. Some best friend, he thought.

Keefe sighed and sat on one of the cots in the Healing Center. Elwin’s office had become home after a year of working as his assistant. Days went by, mindless and boring; they rarely got kids. Tam and Linh’s class often had the most injuries, sending in at least a kid a day because some idiot decided to go against the rules. But they were gone now, and Alchemy instructors were finally being more careful, actually watching the kids when they had dangerous chemicals, but it left the Healing Center bare. Somedays, as he played yet another round of cards with Elwin, he wished that at least one kid would get hurt so he could do something.

Elwin did his best trying to fill the silence, teaching him new things. But Keefe knew that worry that came off him in waves, that concern that never really left after his coma. It had gotten stronger after Fitz left, keeping a watchful eye on him. Searching for pain that was there but Keefe was just too good at hiding it. No matter how many times he told Keefe that he wasn’t Cassius, that he would always be there, the wall between Keefe’s emotions never came down.

“We should go see the Celestial Festival,” Elwin said, startling Keefe. “It’s next week and we haven’t been out much. I do always love Orem’s lights.”

Keefe hummed in response.

“I think Biana plans on going; we talked about it the other day.” Oh. So that was Elwin’s plan. Make him talk to people again. What was the point of it? Pretend that half of their friends didn’t get the great idea to hightail it out of this hell hole to be normal people for once? To pretend that they actually knew what they were without a war to fight?

“I bet with a little persuasion you could get Dex and Marella to come,” Elwin continued.

“Yeah, maybe,” Keefe whispered softly. Why did he agree? Keefe pretended he didn’t know, but deep down under things, he didn’t want to look at he knew he was lonely. That he missed his friends. So why not take advantage of the few who were left?

The festival lights were insane. He stood with Biana as the council stepped to the stage, her determination flew off her in waves and he marveled at how far she had come. The way she held herself, scars on full display, mouth set, she looked older than he was used to. But when she glanced at him, through the flashing lights, her eyes were playful and mysterious and Keefe almost let out a sigh of relief that she hadn’t completely left and grown-up without him too.

Dex and Marella stood at his left, Dex holding some sort of snack over Marella’s hands as she lit a small fire, letting out a whoop when it just barely toasted. Keefe grinned with them, surprised at how far the two had come with their own fears of Marella’s fire. Biana tapped his arm, gesturing to a patch of grass a little ways from them and to the blanket in her hands. From there they had the perfect view of the light show, grinning ear to ear as they appeared in the sky. None of them talked of who they wished was there, and none mentioned the last time they’d watched the lights. They avoided topics flawlessly that they knew brought too much pain and weaved their way through, making their uneventful lives seem important. Honestly, the only semi-put-together person on that blanket was Biana; unlike the rest, she always knew what she was meant for, there was a fight in her that wouldn’t settle for anything less than a better world.

The rest of them were basically just melting mallowmelt.

Eventually, Biana had to leave, and the others ended up back at Elwin’s with a unanimous vote of we’ve-got nothing-better-to-do. They raided the kitchen and grabbed whatever snacks they could find before climbing the stairs to the roof.

They laid there for who knows how long, staring at the stars in silence. “What do you think the others are doing?” Dex asked into the dark.

Keefe sighed. He honestly didn’t want to know but spoke anyway. “Probably doing taxes.”

“What the fuck are taxes?” Marella asked, propping herself up on her elbow.

Keefe chuckled, “Horrid, horrid things.” They lapsed into silence again, the only sound being the scattered animals roaming Spendor Plains. Keefe always thought the name was stupid, but he’d given up on trying to get Elwin to change it a long time ago.

“I want to go,” Marella declared. Keefe glanced at her, but she was staring at the sky; Dex had the same puzzled expression on his face. Finally, she continued, “I’ve got nothing other than people who don’t want me here.” Her tone sounded defeated and honestly, he agreed.

“I’ll drink to that,” Dex laughed, half-heartedly raising his cup of Lushberry juice to the air in a mock toast. After his new power surfaced people stopped believing he could control it. They avoided him on the streets, they hated the fact that he worked with Elwin. It didn’t matter that he had won a war for them, the fact that his mother had started it and had turned him into something dangerous was enough. He glanced at Marella and Dex, knowing they were thinking the same.

A few minutes passed when, “Then let's go.” It was Dex this time, he had sat up, the others following suit. “They hate that we’re here. That we saved them. They hate that Sophie and Fitz left, their Golden Heroes. We’re the screw-ups that are still here. Hell, look at us. The son of a bad match, a pyrokinetic, and a fucking mystery.” Keefe grunted, he’d been called worse. “We might as well find somewhere to belong.”

Keefe clapped sarcastically but he could already feel the addicting buzz of adrenaline in his veins. “Well said, fellow outcast,” he laughed. “But if we do this we’re not leaving quietly like the others.”

Marella nodded a grin taking over her face as she stood. “Buckle up boys, we’ve got one hell of an exit to plan.”

Around 1 am (Keefe thought it was one am, he didn’t actually know at that point), Elwin came out with a plate of snacks. Keefe didn’t have time to register what half of the things were when his attention was brought back to the sheet where he had sketched up the layout of a building—that Marella was marking exits on. Dex watched them, laying on his stomach with his chin resting on a pillow and messing with his device.

At some point they had moved inside, spreading along the couches, their ideas scattered in a chaotic order. Keefe didn’t quite remember when Elwin said he was going to bed, too wrapped up in whatever the others were saying to him. He glanced at the clock; its ticking hands read 4 am. He smiled around the room, Marella sprawled dead to the world asleep on one couch, Dex on the other sitting in a curled ball messing with something that Keefe couldn’t see. Right then, as he sat with his back against the wall and eyes drifting, Keefe couldn’t think of anyone else he’d want to leave with.

Keefe paced Elwin’s office like a mad man. He couldn’t sit still, not with the buzzing and churning in his gut. When Keefe would let out a heavy sigh Elwin would glance up smile lightly before going back to his work.

“You know,” Elwin said softly, after Keefe’s fourth round of the Center, “I’m still not entirely sure what I’m going to do when you leave.” In surprise, Keefe looked up to find Elwin with watery eyes. Keefe halted and stared, shocked, to say the least. The realization of how much he meant to this man who had taken him in after everything he had done when his own father didn’t want him. He didn’t quite know what to say, he wasn’t used to this raw emotion that came off of Elwin in waves. Finally, Keefe’s face melted into a sad smile.

“You’ll be okay without me,” Keefe said, for once sincere. A beat of silence passed where Keefe could practically feel Elwin trying to think of something to say without crying. Without Keefe crying, cause Keefe really didn’t like crying. “Plus,” Keefe smiled to try and break the tension, “You and the other parents can have weekly get-togethers about how much you miss our annoying little faces!”

Elwin let out a harsh laugh, “Yeah I guess we can.” Suddenly Keefe found himself wrapped tightly in Elwin’s arms. It still took him a second to remind himself not to tense up, that it was Elwin’s way of saying “I love you.” He felt tears welling in his eyes from the thought that it was real, that he wouldn’t see Elwin for a long time. He buried his head in his father’s shoulder and fisted his hands in the back of Elwin’s shirt.

“I’ll miss you,” Keefe said finally, willing his voice not to crack.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Elwin reassured. “We’ll be okay. You need this, and when you’re ready you’ll come back home.”

Reluctantly, Keefe pulled away, “What happened to me reassuring you?”

Elwin laughed, “We both know I’m much better at the reassuring.”

He smiled at that. Yeah, maybe he’d miss this place, but he had a whole world to rediscover. A rustle of paper coming from under the door jostled him out of his thoughts. It was from Dex, his cue to get moving. In small words it read:

“headed to the meetup point, all devices ready on schedule - TM"

Keefe grinned and turned to Elwin, "That’s my cue! See you tonight, Dad.” He let the title slip out, Keefe had never called him that before except in his head. Before he could see Elwin’s reaction he turned and was out the door.

Weaving his way through the deserted corridors, he found his way out of Foxfire to the courtyard, running to the leap master and hastily yelling out for Marella’s house.

He arrived to find Marella already waiting for him outside, duffles around her. “You ready?”

With a nod, they grabbed the bags and headed to the leap master, places to be. A minute passed and all three of them, Dex, Keefe, and Marella, found each other standing outside Biana’s office door. Getting in was the easy part, since Biana was gone the house was empty.

“You ready?” this time Dex asked, Keefe was confused about why, after the night they’d had and the plan they’d put together, they’d think to back out. “After this, there’s no turning back,” Dex said, eyes drifting to Keefe and Marella.

Marella grinned, all teeth. “Come on boys, we hit the point of no return the minute we decided to leave.” Promptly, she stuck her lock picks in the hole and twisted them around until they all heard a faint click. It was Keefe’s turn to grin as Marella swung the door open and marched her way in. He followed, placing the duffles in the center of the room, Dex came after him and whistled at the flamboyant decor.

The far wall was almost entirely glass, sun streaming in and lighting the entire room. A desk sat with trinkets and papers scattered. The wall where they entered was covered in bookcases. There was a small nook that wasn’t covered in poorly organized books. A dark wood frame surrounded a drawing that Keefe had given her; it was of the entire crew, a sort of sequel to the one he had given to Sophie all that time ago. They had been laying in her room after the twins left, a week before Fitz would too, and they had both confessed that they missed them. Sophie, Tam, Linh, how rarely the entire team would get together because they had no reason to. No war to fight, no reason they’d need to get together. Keefe thought that growing up fighting a war made them all forget how to have a simple friendship.

Before falling asleep that night he decided to draw something to remind Biana of them. He would never forget the way Biana’s entire face lit up when he handed the painting to her. He softly smiled at the memory.

“I found the crystal!” Dex called from the other side of the room, half stuck in a drawer. “Marella, are you almost done?”

Marella, who had one foot on the seating part of the chair and the other on the back, was trying to balance on two legs of it with one circular disk in her mouth and the other in her hand, trying to place it on the ceiling. “Well I would be if Keefe would get his butt over here and actually do something!” she grunted. Tried to at least, her words came out muffled and confusing, but Keefe got the idea quick enough to grab the chair before she fell.

“Oh my god,” Dex muttered. “I’m going to be the one making sure you two dumbasses don’t die, aren’t I?” In unison, Marella and Keefe grinned at him and he groaned. With one last little hop Marella got the device on the ceiling and planted the other on the bookshelf. Keefe placed one under Biana’s desk, and next to the door on the wall. It all hit them at the same moment as Keefe armed the last disk, and Dex drew out the letter they had written up on the roof.

“I think I’ll miss her,” Dex said finally; Marella nodded. And finally, it felt like a bright neon sign, right in front of him, blinking bright and loud, and somehow all along he had missed it. The only reason the three of them had stayed was Biana. Keefe, who knew her as his little sister. Marella who she knew as a friend that no matter what was there. And Dex, as the person who stuck by his side when Sophie left him and waited to return the favor. Maybe it was poetry, maybe Keefe was connecting dots that weren’t supposed to connect but it made him want to laugh.

“Yeah, me too, but we’ll see her before we leave,” Keefe reminded him a bit forcefully. If he were in that office any longer, he’d convince himself to stay. Marella took the note from him to read over again before leaving it. “Let’s go, we’ve got four more places to hit.”

Keefe didn’t wait for an answer and ended up making it to the leap master before the others. It took a few minutes, but finally, they were all there calling out for Foxfire.

It was dark, everyone had gone. Keefe didn’t quite understand how time zones worked with jumping from Biana’s house, which the sun was just then setting, and Foxfire where it was already dark with the moon high. Granted, he didn’t really try.

Foxfire, being much bigger than Biana’s office, forced them to split up. Dex took the top levels, Keefe took the middle, and Marella the ground floor. Keefe slung his bag of disks over his shoulder and made his way through the classrooms. It was slow work, finding good spots to put them in each room and through the hallways, with the bag which felt like it held a bunch of rocks.

The job went by in about an hour, even though it felt much much longer, and he finally made his way back down to the courtyard. “What took you so long?” Marella laughed as he came out rubbing his sore shoulder. “Don’t forget we’ve got more to do!”

“Yeah yeah,” he grumbled. “You guys done here yet?”

Dex poked his head out from behind one of the trees and said, “I’ve got two more left.“

Keefe could tell that the ones in his hands were the only ones he had left from how his bag looked much lighter. "So we can mark Foxfire off the list, ey?” Marella asked.

“Only three more places to hit,” Keefe grinned.

Dex rolled his eyes, “That’s not counting the spots inside those places. It’s much more than you think.”

Keefe just laughed in response; they were so close. To being free, to running away, the thing Keefe was so good at. Running, and well, making one hell of a lasting impression. That was really their plan.

It was a short time till they found themselves in Atlantis weaving their way through the back allies to find the shed they had left the next batch of devices at. Dex reminded them, yet again because “everything has to be perfect”, that Marella was taking the treasury building—which sounded entirely boring, which was why Keefe had opted out. Keefe would be taking the various transportation locations, and Dex the business district (also boring). Their rendezvous would be the monument of Linh, Sophie, and himself when they had saved Atlantis. Keefe remembered making some horrible joke about the monument when it was built, something about how they didn’t get his hair in all of its glory, but then, after seeing it again, all he could think of was how much he regretted that his stupid crush had gotten in the way of actually being able to get to talk with Linh. He wondered how many of the others he’d neglected ‘cause of it; he wanted to groan at how stupid he was.

“You good there, Goldie?” Marella asked.

“Why am I Goldie? You’ve got blonde hair too."

"Okay, yeah, but my hair is more pale than gold. And plus I deserve something much cooler than ‘Goldie’."

Keefe shook his head, "Okay, Braids.”

Marella, who had started to walk off, threw a smile over her shoulder. “Could use some work!”

“I didn’t have enough time!”

“Excuses! I expect something better when I come back!”

“Oh, so I’m getting graded?” Keefe shouted, but she was gone and he was left standing alone. Slinging his bag over his shoulder he headed to the nearest light leaper. There were about five of them across the city that only lead to other light leapers inside Atlantis. He had five devices, the smaller ones that would reach only the light leaper itself and the edges of surrounding buildings.

In total it only took him about twenty minutes to leap to each spot, find a hidden location to hide the device, arm them, and then leap away. Marella and Dex had more to cover than him so he found himself sitting at the edge of the fountain, fiddling with the KMD, as they had ended up calling them. Dex arrived first, grinning and clearly riding an adrenaline high, with Marella in tow. “All set?” Dex asked.

Keefe stood. “Yup just as you planned, Techmaster.”

“Wait, why does he get a cool name?” Marella gasped.

“I like him more,” Keefe deadpanned. Dex smiled and did his best to look innocent (which he was really good at for some reason) and Marella rolled her eyes.

“Don’t just stand around; we’ve got places to be!” Dex called, already headed for the whirlpool.

With a chuckle, he and Marella followed. Mysterium was next, in Keefe’s opinion the most boring of their stops but the way that Dex’s face lit up when he spotted Slurps and Burps whirling and glittering in the distance made it worth it. Dex beamed with something like pride and it was infectious. Keefe shook his head slightly, at how easy it was for him to grin, at Dex’s face that was entirely dorky, and at Marella who smiled somewhat mischievously as she placed her devices. It was quick and easy work placing the devices while Dex dropped off the letter—almost identical to the one they had left Biana—at Slurps and Burps. They waited as Dex made his way back to them and practically ran when they could see him. There wasn’t as much time left as they had hoped; the sun was supposed to rise in about two hours, leaving them barely enough time to cover all of Eternalia. Keefe reached the leaper expecting the others to be on his tail when he turned around, but they weren’t.

His eyes scanned fervently and finally found Marella and Dex standing off to the side, staring back at the Slurps and Burps. Keefe wanted to laugh at the scene if it wasn’t so serious. Marella, stoney, sarcastic, quick-witted Marella, had her arm over Dex’s shoulders like she was pulling him in for a hug. Keefe raised an eyebrow at her when their eyes locked over Dex’s shoulder and her face turned hard. Speak of this and I will kill you, was the message Keefe read loud and clear.

After what seemed like ages, the pair made it to the leap master seemingly still emotionally intact and Dex with a new determined look in his eyes. As Keefe called out for Eternalia he couldn’t help but feel a new rush of adrenaline crash over him.

Now to tackle Eternalia it relied on many moving parts. Part I, the councillors homes. Each of them had two disks, set to cover a larger distance, and needed to place one in between every two towers. Keefe, along with his two devices, also was in charge of the KMD, which was to be placed on Alina’s tower. When they were still scheming Alina’s tower was the obvious choice of who they’d want to annoy the most. Alina’s surprisingly wasn’t the hardest to find, of course, being the most glittery and the most bright even in the dark. Just as he placed it he saw three flashes in the distance, Marella’s signal, marking her to finish first. Once the device was placed Keefe sprinted to his last spot when- CRASH!

He sprawled on the ground, head aching and pain shooting up his arms. Fuck, he thought eloquently. Curses slipped from his mouth as he tried to stand. He managed to pull himself to his knees to determine just how screwed he was. He had rough spots on his palms that were bound to bruise, a huge scrape down his arm, a busted lip from the way he could taste copper in his mouth, and from how much his head ached, he had probably cut his head too. His legs were probably worse; luckily, he couldn’t actually see the extent of his injuries because of his pants (and from the pain he could feel he honestly didn’t want to see it).

He was fine. This was fine. He would just push past the pain and get himself through downtown than he could figure it out. It was just a fall. A fucking painful fall, his brain supplied unhelpfully. He saw three green flashes in the distance and cursed again. Dex was gone too.

He needed to get moving, and he needed to get moving fast. Keefe grunted, took a few breathes, and managed to get his feet. It was a bit harder to leap with an injury but he managed, and after placing his last device, he found himself in downtown.

Dex saw him first, delight turned to concern turned to worry until he was rushing to him. “Why are you bleeding? Why are you beat up? I leave you alone for five freaking seconds-"

"What happened?” Marella came up behind him with more annoyance than concern on her face.

“Well, I was going to explain to Gears over here-”

“Gears? Really?”

“-but I don’t think he knows how to keep quiet,” Keefe finished.

“Start talking, now."

Keefe sighed, "I fell.”

Marella stared at him, “You fell, and did this?”

“It was a very mean rock!”

“Oh, my Ancients-” Marella breathed clearly trying not to laugh.

“You’re benched. we’ve only got a few more left anyway,” Dex said, still eyeing his injuries. Keefe honestly didn’t have it in him to argue. Though it didn’t stop him from snatching the other KMD from the bag next to him and securing it to the ground with only a few winces.

He watch as Dex and Marella placed the last couple of devices. They were clearly talking about something urgent, and from the way, Dex kept on glancing his way, it was probably about Keefe, but he wasn’t close enough to hear and honestly, it was getting on his nerves. What was so important they couldn’t tell it to his face? Probably something you won't like, Keefe thought. He wasn’t always the best at taking bad news, though he didn’t think he was as bad as Fitzy used to be.

“We’re gonna have to jump back to your house before we can set everything off,” Marella stated.

Keefe balked. “We don’t have time for that!”

She threw up her hands, “Well you went and got yourself hurt and we don’t exactly have another choice.”

“I am fine,” Keefe said, trying to hide the wince that came.

Dex rolled his eyes, “It’s a short pit stop, come on. We’re all done here; a few minutes won’t hurt the schedule.”

Keefe wanted to argue that it would hurt the schedule because the schedule was flawless and nothing mattered more than the schedule. Unfortunately, he knew that neither of them would actually listen to him.

Admittedly, when it was all done, getting Keefe patched up with the cloth they found and cleaning off the blood took a lot less time than he initially thought. They had found Elwin’s stash of pain killer serums and as soon as Keefe took them he ordered them to get moving. “We’ve got places to be and things to set off!”

“Lead the way, dude,” Dex huffed. After the war, Forkle had ended up showing the rest of the Black Swan members where his office was—with a heavy, heavy swear to never show the council where it was. The best part about Forkle retiring: they could use the dusty office as a great spot to see pranks. That was probably not Forkle’s intent but who could really stop them?

Stepping into the weird round office (what had Sophie said it resembled? A hobbit hole? Keefe put that on the list as a first order of business to figure out when they got to the Forbidden Cities), it was like nothing had changed. TV’s still lined the wall, and the desk in the center had scattered papers from who knows how long ago. From his memory, Sophie was the last person here, she had watched right before she left, she spent almost a whole day just watching. In Keefe’s opinion, it was kind of creepy but it was probably something sentimental to her. It had been a year since then and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust.

They set to work, setting up, connecting cables, dusting (not something Keefe thought this would entail). Their list was made quick work of and soon they were all set up and staring at the screens. People moved like nothing was going to happen, they moved in a trance of things to do and places to be and not a care for the world around them. Keefe remembered a long time ago, Alden saying that elves loved their work, but as he watched people go they didn’t all seem to love it. Their lives were a dull continuous day after day after day with nothing to want and nothing different. Keefe grinned, oh how they would change that. They all held separate controllers, all for different things.

With a nod, Marella started to count down. “Three. Two. One.” She pressed her button and the disks went off. Pink goop (Keefe got the idea from bubble gum, something he had been a tad bit addicted to in his time away) covered everywhere. Luckily, the cameras were high enough that their view wasn’t blocked, because the view from above was amazing. People shouted and left their shops, watching as the mass overtook everywhere. No one was actually in danger, anyone stuck would be just a tad bit uncomfortable but still safe. Dex let out a breathless laugh, “It worked, oh my Ancients it worked!"

Marella let out a whoop and he couldn’t help but be caught in the crashing wave of her joy. But they weren’t done yet; there was still more to do.

They waited in anxious excitement for the panic to die down before they could release Wave 2. Finally, it was time and Keefe pushed his remote to see glitter fill the air and Biana’s infamous quote light the sky. ”' Sparkles make everything better,’“ Keefe said as he watched the shimmering rain. "That they do, that they do.”

Dex giggled as he pushed his button, releasing the KMD. Keefe was fairly proud of his odd combination of their initials, but it worked well. Keefe’s pink faded into Marella’s orange into Dex’s green in a shimmering rain that morphed into “The Outsiders”, as Dex had called them the night before.

Keefe swelled with pride, “Now that is something sixteen-year-old me would be hella proud of.”

Marella nodded, “We did something amazing here today, boys.”

“That we did."

That afternoon, moments before sunset, Dex, Marella, Keefe, Biana, and Elwin stood on the hill behind Elwin’s house. No one knew what to say, no one knew where to start. Honestly, Keefe thought that the only thing keeping Elwin from crying was his silence.

"Really,” Biana spoke startling them all. “You had to use the 'Sparkles make everything better'?”

Marella barked out a laugh. “Hey, we knew it would get your attention,” Dex said.

Biana raised her eyebrow, “Oh, really? Because the giant blob of pink goop in my office and everywhere else wouldn’t?”

“Wellll- it was a fun addition,” Keefe said.

Biana smiled softly, “I’m going to miss you guys.” Keefe couldn’t stop himself anymore and he pulled her into a hug.

“We’ll be back. I promise.”

“You better be, asshole; I can’t fix everything on my own,” Biana whispered into his shoulder.

“And you don’t have to,” Keefe whispered back. If anything, he wanted her to know that before they left. She nodded slowly.

Keefe felt Dex and Marella join the hug, and eventually so did Elwin and it felt so final that Keefe had to remind himself again and again that it wasn’t; that he’d be back.

Finally, they pull away, everyone with teary eyes. “If any one of you gets hurt you are calling me immediately, got it?” Elwin stated, point his finger at them.

Dex snorted, “I don’t think it works like that.”

“I do not care, I am not letting anyone of you get hurt by that place,” Elwin said, almost glaring at them. “Are you kidding? The amount of work I’m going to have to go through, detoxing you after you’re exposed to all those-” he waved his hands excessively, “pollutions!”

“Yes sir,” Keefe said as he mock-soluted him.

“We should probably get going,” Marella elbowed him, checking her watch. “Bi? Watch my mom, will you?”

Biana smiled, “Of course.”

Dex gulped, “And watch the triplets for me? And Elwin, talk to my parents? They’ll be mad I didn’t tell them but I just couldn’t say goodbye to them.”

Elwin and Biana nodded. Keefe raised his leaping crystal, “I love you guys.” The beam opened up and before he could bite his tongue, “I love you, Dad.” He stepped through, not even looking to see Elwin’s response.

Marella and Dex met him on the other side, both giving him quizzical looks. “You really just called him Dad for the first time and then ran away for who knows how long?” Dex asked.

“Yup!”

“I thought that impulsive phase was over,” Marella said.

“I'm sorry what have the past two days been?"

"We don’t talk about that."

Keefe grinned, "Okay Techmaster, lead the way.” And they were off a clean slate, a fresh beginning.

They had rigged up a computer, a shitty web camera, and a stand duct-taped together in the middle of their small Sydney apartment. Dex stood behind, still messing with the settings as Keefe was trying to fix the crappy white sheet they had hung behind them. “I think it’s fine,” Marella chuckled.

“Oh suree tell the guy who actually can speak to the tech how it works,” Dex said, rolling his eyes and pressing a few more buttons. Marella moved her fingers around her temple and mouthed, “Crazy” and Keefe found that he couldn’t stop himself from snorting.

“You know I can see you right.”

“Yup!” Marella and Keefe said in unison, giving in to another round of giggles.

Dex shook his head, “Well, we’re all set up.” For a millisecond Keefe could tell just how nervous Marella was in the way that her eyes darted, trying to make sure everything was holding steady, how her hands silently snapped to some imaginary song. It came off her in waves, though her excitement accompanied it.

“Okay, you guys ready?” Dex asked.

Keefe nodded. “Okay, three,” Dex held up three fingers. Two. One. He pointed at them.

The first round ended prematurely in a fit of giggles. The second with Marella staring blankly, the third with Keefe singing some random song he had heard on the radio because who knew what he was supposed to say? Certainly not him!

It took more tries than Keefe could count and well after the sun went down before they finally had an acceptable intro (they also managed to drag Dex into the actual camera view which was secretly Marella and Keefe’s main goal).

It took only two days to edit on top of the jobs that they had managed to find. Eventually, they were all standing in front of the computer anxiously watching Dex press the upload button.

“You know,” Dex said, “it’s not going to make any difference with you standing right there.”

“We are witnessing history in the making; we cannot miss out on that!” Keefe yelled dramatically, met with an exaggerated eye roll.

It all seemed too simple to be called a beginning, just a click of a button, and they were alive somewhere among the firing code in this vast world.

They were all lounging on the couch when it came. The doorbell rang, and no one moved, except the cat. Dex was too wrapped in his current school project that had to do with writing something that was way above Keefe’s amount of brain cell. Curled on the couch, Marella had her headphones in, editing their newest video that had them trying to paint a posing Dex with their fingers. This ended into chaos which was a surprise to no one. Keefe grinned at the memory as he tried to lure out their new cat that had decide to bolt under the sofa the moment the bell rang. “Come here Marty Jr.,” Keefe cooed.

Marella pulled out one earbud, “Did we really have to name her Marty Jr.?”

“If I recall correctly you didn’t have a better idea at the time,” Keefe retorted.

“I did!” Dex called.

“For the last time, we are not naming her after some weird chemical!”

“Pneumonia is a perfectly reasonable name!”

“Wait,” Marella said, “isn’t that a lung disease?”

“I thought it was some poisonous gas thing?” Keefe said.

Dex groaned, “Why must I be the only intelligent person here?”

“Look is someone going to get the door? It could be pizza,” Marella said. Keefe groaned and gave up trying to get the cat out from under the couch, going to answer the door.

No one was outside on the balcony, no one was in the courtyard except for the neighbor's kids. But there was pizza on the ground, still in the box, and it smelt like heaven. On top of the box was an envelop. “Did either of you order a mysterious pizza and a suspicious-looking envelope?” Keefe called out, carrying the box into the house.

“No?” Dex said, his face twisted in confusion.

“Well, looks like we got a surprise then.”

Marella came up behind him, Marty Jr. sitting comfortably in her arms, “What’s in the envelope?”

“Just a letter,” Keefe said. It was a letter, but when he unfolded it, it held a handwriting he would never mistake. Biana’s. “What the-” Keefe started but Marella snatched the paper out of his hands.

“She wants to meet us,” Marella whispered.

“Where?"

"In some cabin in the US.”

Keefe groaned, “Crap, we don’t have that kinda money without it being sponsored.”

Dex grinned holding up the discarded envelope, “She already thought of that.” He pulled out three plane tickets.

Keefe grinned, “Well, I guess we’re going to America.”

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