edgemcmuffin925

[sd-vtm]

do you actually believe uzi defeated the solver in your guys final battle?

She honestly didn't know. It was better for her mental state to not try and think too much of it..

“ Y-Yes..?”

Though, it didn't matter, cause she was still haunted..

J was right when she said that they would only ever be free in death.. And that's why some days, she found herself standing on the highest building in the city.

Staring down at the distant ground below..

wondering what might happen, if she where to move a single peg over the ledge…

[angstyandromanticwriting]

Regina George X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute, and Fluffy Prompt [Full Version - Part 2 due to Tumblr’s text block limit]

• Takes place after the occurrence of the film [2024 ver. with Reneé Rapp]

• Some mild changes made to some elements of the story

• This is the entirety of the prompt/instalment, as promised!

• There will be more!

!TW: Being stuck in a toxic relationship, insult(s), mention of previously being kidnapped, implied suffering from PTSD + Depression + Separation Anxiety + Anxiety in general, mention of previously being abused (physically and verbally) + injury detail, jealousy, mention of divorce + poor relationship with family/family members, elements of self-doubt + presence of self put-downs, panic-attacks/mention of them, swearing, presence of weaponry, threat(s), suicide attempt(s) + suicidal intentions + consideration, implied/mention of previous elements of homophobia, mention of having nightmares linked to trauma, drug-taking (medication), mention of substance abuse (alcohol addiction), mention of miscarrying, breaking up, sense of drowning - if I’ve missed any, let me know!

Birds’ Eye View/Heart’s Desire

You tried to make it a memorable night; you randomly decided to dance upon your bed with her, for most of it, not sure why, before she had to hide within your closet from your Uncle, Cal, whenever he came into check on you. After he’d got the horses back into the stable, you and her were laying upon your backs, still on the bed, giggling breathlessly alongside each other after you’d had to rescue her from falling off, wrapping your arms around her, before your action brought you both down, luckily still on the bed, rather than off of it, though - you were sure, no matter what happened between you both - you were take such a blow like that for her, any day.

It got you to thinking about your and her previous conversation; how you’d left her side, earlier, only making you feel guilty - what if something had happened to her, on her way back? What if Sunrise had bucked her off? What if she got a concussion, or worse - broke her neck? You tensed up, a pained expression on your face as you glanced over at her, your eyes darkening as you did, but by the time she glanced over at you, she was still smiling, until her heart dropped as soon as she noticed you were trying not to cry, beside her.

“Y/n?” She cooed, her voice gentle, and still sounding a little breathless. “A-Are you-”

“I’m sorry,” you managed weakly, “I-..” You winced, before hastily looking away from her, even as if she intertwined the fingers of her left hand with the fingers of your right one. “I’m so-”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she reassured you, “I promise; I-.. you haven’t hurt me, in any way, shape, or form - you know that, right?”

You hesitated, timidly glancing over at her as you wondered if the electrical current within live wires was stronger than the current passing between your and her hands, right now.

“I know,” you reassured her gently, “I just-.. I guess I just-.. I don’t know; I’m fine, don’t - don’t worry about me.”

“You aren’t fine,” she contradicted; she could heart, as well as see that you weren’t, and it pained her to see that you were still trying to hide things from her the way that you were, “Y/n-”

“Reg,” you interjected shakily, small tears leaking from your eyes, but she wouldn’t give in; she wanted to try and do all she could to help, you, somehow; she hated seeing you upset, the way that you currently were for a reason unbeknownst to her.

“If you’re fine, why are you crying? Aren’t you happy, y’know, to - to be with me?” She asked, and you would falter, a pained expression on your face as you looked over at her, not wanting her to think that you weren’t happy to be with her like you were, right now.

“Of course I am,” you answered, this time without any hesitation at all, because it was true; you were always happy, to be with her whenever you were both together, the way that you were, now, your hands still linked together, and bodies almost touching, only a few paces away from each other - if only you could move just one bit closer to her, and maybe they would be-

“Then what’s wrong? And don’t try and tell me that you’re fine again, because I can see that you’re anything, but fine, right now,” she pried, desperate to find out what was currently plaguing your mind; she hated to think that you were suffering, and wished she could take away anything that was hurting you, the way that this was; it was unbearable, but the worst part of it was that she couldn’t see into your mind, beautiful as she imagined it to be, regardless of the damage it had been dealt, when you were younger than you were, now.

“I-It’s nothing, I swear, I just-..” You fell quiet, your heart pounding, and breathing pattern growing to be a little staggered and uneven, as if you were trying not to panic, only worrying her even more, but before she could protest, or lift her free right hand up to your left cheek, you continued. “It - It’s you,” you managed, your voice briefly trembling, and she would falter, her expression softening a little as she tilted her head partially, trying to hide that your response had worried her, as well as disheartened her; she’d never intended to hurt you the way she assumed she had, until you spoke up again, your voice barely audible, and close to cracking even more than it ever had been, before, “y-your ability, to - to distract me, it - it’s unmatched, a-and - and I - I can’t-”

“It’s okay,” she cooed, trying to hide that she was trying not to panic, alongside you, hearing your voice shaking as you tried not to break down; struggled to breathe, even as she cradled your body close to her own, and eased you up onto your knees to help you try and recompose yourself, as well as to allow herself to connect her forehead to your own, trying her best to provide as much comfort to you as she possibly could, before you could have a panic or heart attack on her, “e-everything’s okay, I promise; you’re safe, here - I’ve got you, and I’m never going to let you go, you know that, right?”

You would appear taken aback, your heart skipping a beat as you glanced up at her, your eyes glinting as soon as they locked with her own.

“I - I know,” you reassured her, smiling timidly over at her as she express relief, evidently glad to hear that you felt safe with her, and for a moment you found yourself trying not to glance down at her lips again, prompting you to wince, and bury your face into her left shoulder; it was just too tempting, having her this close to you - it was unbearable, “I think I heard wolves outside.”

“Wolves?” Regina inquired, appearing confused, as well as concerned; she’d not heard anything out there, except for the wind, and the sound of the horses in the barn, taking a little while to settle down, as usual. “Y/n, there are no wolves here,” she reminded you gently, “are you okay?”

“I - I’m fine, I just-”

“Look at me,” she demanded, her voice ever so soft and inviting, but you didn’t dare lift your head, even as she began to plead with you, “Y/n, please, I need to see your face-”

“I don’t want to,” you interjected weakly, your voice a little strained; you tried not to sniffle, and tried to steady your breathing, but nothing was working as it should, “y-you smell nice, a-and I want to stay like this forever, s-so please don’t-.. don’t let me go.”

“I - I won’t, just please - look at me, just for a second,” she continued, desperate, and for a moment you felt like giving in, your heart aching excruciatingly alongside her own, whilst it also strangely felt like it was soaring, beside her’s, “I need to see you.”

You faltered, and didn’t hesitate to glance up at her, cheeks warming up even more, now that your eyes were meeting again, your faces inches apart.

“Why?” You asked, your voice close to a whisper, but you couldn’t quite remove the awe in your voice as you admired her again, the new light on her face only making everything about her seem so much more divine than you’d ever seen her, and you couldn’t tell if it was just because she was in your room, now, somehow, or if it was just because of how sleepy you were getting, considering your Uncle had recently given you another sleeping pill to try and ward the nightmares away, for the night.

For a moment, Regina found that she couldn’t speak, her heart pounding again so loudly; too loud, against her rib-cage, to the point she feared you might be able to hear it, somehow, but it relieved her that you weren’t teasing her about any noises like that coming from her chest, right now.

“Because you’re fucking amazing,” she answered, without even thinking, the words just slipping from her lips absentmindedly, and for a moment, you loved them, revelling in how it felt, to hear such words from her, until such thoughts were wiped from your mind completely, as soon as her lips were against your’s again, and - for the first time, in what felt like a long time - neither of you could bring yourselves to pull away.

🜚🜸🜚

You wondered how long two people could spend making out, before they passed away from a lack of oxygen; it must have been a few minutes, at least, before you and Regina had had to pull away from each other, that night, giggling breathlessly together as you lovingly admired one another. It was perfect, and you’d give anything to relive that moment - that’s why you’d bought her some flowers, a pretty pink bouquet of roses, hoping she’d like them, more than anything, to the point your hands were shaking, as long as they didn’t steal her affection for you away; it still struck you as being weird, and unusual, that she had feelings for you, too, considering you’d always seen yourself as being a nobody, whilst she was everything, even after all you’d heard about her last year, before the bus had hit her the way it did.

Of course, everything you’d heard about her saying homophobic things made you tense up, the day she’d first joined as a stablehand for your Uncle’s riding centre, but now the very thought of her just made you feel safe; warm and fuzzy, as well as light - so light, that you felt as if you could just take off, right here, right now, and disappear into the sky, except, the thought of never seeing her again kept you grounded enough to stop such a possibility from happening; you couldn’t risk doing anything that might drive her away from you.

You warily stopped at the pathway leading up to her and her mother’s home, your heart skipping so many beats; too many - it was overwhelming, but still you pressed on, trying to take measured breaths, but nothing could calm you down as much as you wished it could - nothing had ever been this important to you, before, but this - this moment was. What was stood before you; in your hands, and heart - it was everything, and you hoped you could keep it that way, no matter what the future held for you both.

You stopped by the door, next, drawing in a shaky breath as you tried to stop your hands from trembling; tried to swallow the lump in your throat as your heart pounded in your ears; blood sounding as if it were pulsing through them - everything was so loud around you, but you wouldn’t let it stop you, as you lifted your right hand, and knocked upon the door.

🜸

“I - love you, Regina,” Shane Olman claimed, stood a few paces away from her in her room, but she didn’t believe him, not that it would make much of a difference if she did, now; he couldn’t even say it, without wincing, and hastily looking away from her, making it so much harder not to hate him, as she fought back a scowl, a notion next to impossible after everything that had happened between them both, recently.

“Oh, do you? ‘Cause I don’t believe you ever did,” she retorted, and Shane would grimace over at her subconsciously, surprised she was even bothering to argue with him over something like this, “let’s face it, I’m nothing to you, but to Y/n-”

“What could she give you, that I don’t?” He questioned sharply, raising his voice a little as he did. Regina would have tried to continue, if he didn’t interject before she could do so. “She is nothing; she will never be anything, but me? I’ve always been so much more, you know that - let’s face it, she’s just a pathetic little brat, who likes clinging to walls everywhere she goes-”

“You shut your mouth, before I shut it, for you!” Regina threatened; she wouldn’t let him insult you like that, especially when he didn’t even know anything about you. You were so much more, and it hurt her to think that other people couldn’t see that, the way she, and your Uncle could. “She is everything, and so much more than you could ever be,” she retorted, standing defensively a few inches away from him, “I won’t let anyone say otherwise, especially when they don’t even know anything about her!”

“Maybe I would know something, if there was anything to be known,” he contradicted, and god did her blood boil - there was so much to be known about you, and it was lingering upon her tongue, everything you’d had to endure; things she believed he would never be able to handle. She even thought she would struggle more in a situation like the kidnapping you’d gone through, a few years ago, now. Your fingers were broken; your wrists were broken - by the time the cops actually found you, you were covered almost everywhere in bruises; her heart dropped, at the thought, whilst she subconsciously balled her hands into fists, wishing she could make your kidnapper pay for what he had done to you.

“I’m warning you, Olman,” she continued dangerously, “you say another word, and you’re gonna get it!”

Shane couldn’t help, but smirk, prompting her to wince; he’d evidently taken that the wrong way, judging by the looks of his demeanour as he inched closer to her, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“What if I want it?” He questioned, and before he could get any closer, she would shove him away from her, without any hesitation whatsoever.

“You’re disgusting,” she spat, “I wish I’d never got with you, in the first place - I - I don’t know what I ever even saw in you!”

“That’s easy,” he replied, not giving in, “you saw something you wanted in me, and maybe you still want it? If you’d just let me-”

“Regina?” Mrs. George spoke up, lingering by the door of her daughter’s bedroom.

Regina tensed up, wincing as she looked over at her mother, whilst still ensuring that she had a few paces of distance away from Shane, especially now that she felt safer to do so, with June in the room, besides her.

“What? Can’t you see that I’m trying to handle something, here?” She snapped, unintentionally; she just wanted to have done with him, now; she was sick of dealing with his bullshit, every time they spoke - it still struck her how perfect things had seemed, last year, only for them to end like this, between him and her.

“I know that, and I’m sorry, but-..” Mrs. George appeared hesitant, her gaze briefly flicking over to Shane, before she looked back at Regina. “There’s - There’s someone here to see you,” she informed gently, before lowering her voice even more, not that it made much of a difference, “it’s Y/n.”

🜸

Your hands were still shaking, by the time Mrs. George had opened the door, your words stumbling over themselves, at first, as Regina’s mother smiled softly upon noticing that it was you, timidly holding flowers still in your left hand; she was glad Regina had you, especially after her experience with Shane. She then winced, subconsciously, remembering Shane was here, with Regina, and you tried not to appear disheartened, taking the look on her face the wrong way, but you tried to hide it, regardless of how much your heart squeezed.

“I - I’m here, for - for Regina,” you stated, your voice close to a whisper, and sounding a little exasperated; you’d never done anything like this, before, and it was terrifying, to think that - if you somehow did, or said something wrong - you might lose her, somehow, “I, e-erm-.. I..”

“She’s here, but-..” Mrs. George sighed, hating that she had to do this to you, especially when you’d been so good to her daughter recently. “I’m afraid, sweetie, that - that this might not be-.. a good time; she, erm-.. she’s-”

Your blood ran cold, your eyes widening as you anxiously awaited for her to continue, your heart pounding even more overwhelmingly than it had been, before, but you couldn’t stop yourself, as the next questions rolled off your tongue.

“Where is she? W-What’s going on? Is she okay?” You asked, maybe too hastily, your voice shaking, and June would frown, feeling a little guilty; she’d not intended to scare you the way she could tell she had, and she couldn’t help, but let her heart melt in response to your reaction.

“She’s fine,” Mrs. George hastily reassured you, her voice gentle, and eyes warm as she lifted her hands up to your shoulders, trying her best to provide comfort to you before you could panic anymore than you already were, “she’s okay, I promise; don’t worry, I just-.. it’s an awkward time, right now-.. I’m sorry, honey, but-.. she’s with Shane, at the moment, and she might not want to be interrupted, but I can always go and try to get her to come down here, for you?”

🜸

“She’s what?” Regina replied, and Mrs. George would wince, noticing that she’d startled her daughter as Regina warily looked toward Shane, who scowled as he looked between her, and her mother for a moment, before he continued, sounding more hateful than he ever had before.

“What, so you’re inviting her over without telling me, now?” He assumed, and Regina couldn’t help, but grunt, grimacing in his direction again as he silently fumed, wishing he could go down there, now, and show you what he thought of you, if only it weren’t something that would land him in prison, if he didn’t escape in time.

“First of all, I didn’t invite her,” she began, though she felt bad for saying it, her heart aching a little; she didn’t want to make it sound like you weren’t welcome, when you were anything, but, “second of all, even if I did, why would I have to tell you about it? You’re here because I’m breaking up with you, Shane, not because I want to continue anything with you!”

“I hate you, you know that?” Shane spat, before he stormed toward the door, and brushed past her mother, but Regina didn’t hesitate to rush after him, worried about what he might do to you if he passed you by - well, she would have been as worried as she was, until she noticed that you were gone from where you were standing, before.

🜸

Pain was all you felt, as you dragged yourself along the street, walking back toward your motorcycle. You’d made sure to leave the bouquet behind; you still wanted her to have it, regardless of her still being with Shane; you couldn’t bear to stick around, being reminded of their relationship. You tried not to blame her for any of it; you couldn’t, all you could do, was curse yourself for even thinking that maybe you and Regina would become anything more than what you already were.

🜸

“M-Mom? What are you talking about? She isn’t here, she’s-”

Regina faltered, noticing the bouquet on the ground, a pained expression on her face as Shane walked up to the doorway behind her, appearing smugger than he should.

“She left you,” he remarked, but Regina ignored him, shaking her head subconsciously as she crouched down to pick up the bouquet, her eyes darkening, “she doesn’t care about you-”

“Get out, Shane,” Mrs. George instructed, sick of his antics, by now, especially after all he and Regina had been through, and said to each other recently; she thought back to how nervous you seemed, holding the flowers as she opened the door, her heart sinking again - she could tell you cared about her, more than she’d ever presumed Shane to do so, even after how things had seemed between them last year, “you don’t need to be here, right now!”

“Fine,” he retorted, “because I don’t want to be here! We’re done, Regina.”

She wasn’t perturbed, at all, only worried about you, right now - where you would have gone, specifically; she was getting a bad feeling, and it scared her to think that maybe she’d never see you again, after today, her right hand shaking as she lifted the bouquet up off of the ground, her heart pounding all over again, the way it was, the day before, except this time with more dread than anticipation, her remembering how close your lips were to her’s, before today - if only that could be the case, right now; if only you’d not run away, believing she didn’t want you anymore.

🜸

You’d trusted many people in your lifetime; you thought maybe there were still some good ones, besides Cal - your Uncle - and Regina, but sometimes you still feared that maybe there’d never be a true place for you, with them. You remembered times from the dark rooms, and your broken bones, that there was a man you’d briefly considered to be more of a father figure, than your biological father was; he had often been the one to bring you your food; your water, no matter how disgusting it turned out being. He brought you a scratchy blanket, whenever you were cold, and you felt a little safer around him, until one night he’d had a fight with your kidnapper, before he came into your room, red-faced, and drunk, exactly like your father usually was, even more so after the divorce.

You swerved out of the way of an approaching car, wincing, but you didn’t let it phase you too much that it had almost hit you, small tears leaking from the corners of your eyes. In fact, you sped the motorbike up a tad, remembering how you cried when the man you thought you could trust within the kidnapper’s basement abused you; he did things to you, until your throat was raw, and burning from your screams - it was a little while, before the police had got to you.

You remembered Cal saying that you’d been brought back a shell of yourself, hardly ever smiling anymore; hardly ever talking, unless your voice was necessary, though you hated to hear it, now, before you’d met Regina. You remembered the phone call he had, between him and one of the officers involved in your case; how he’d told them - his voice shaking, but firm - that they better find the man, and kill him for what he’d done to you; for having you return to him, as if you’d already had everything carved out within you; you were better off, dying - it was like you’d only just come back to life, he said, but were now merely a zombie; you didn’t stick around for the call, and that’s why you didn’t intend to stick around anymore, now - not for much longer, anyway.

🜸

“But why would she-..?” Regina murmured, a pained expression on her face as she stared dejectedly down at the bouquet, wishing you’d stayed a little while longer, but her mother didn’t want to let things go like that, as she lifted her left hand up to her daughter’s right shoulder, a flicker of determination behind her loving gaze.

“I don’t know - she was right here, a couple of minutes ago,” June mused, whilst Regina subconsciously scowled at the thought of Shane again; how he’d driven you away, like her mother had informed her that he must have, considering she’d only told you that he and her were upstairs together, at the time, “but - judging by the looks of things - we shouldn’t stay to find out.”

Her mother’s decision took her aback as her heart skipped a beat, and she warily glanced up at June, her hands trying not to shake anymore than they were, currently, only to fail at the thought of you in danger, somehow, after what had just happened a brief moment ago, now.

“What?” Regina replied, shocked, whilst June grabbed her bag, coat, and car keys, sensing that she’d need them, tonight, like she had done the day you’d had a nightmare, and needed her daughter with you to stabilise you, somehow - it almost felt like a repeat of it, somehow, except this time neither of them knew where they were going to end up going, considering you’d taken off without letting either of them know regarding where your whereabouts might end up being, tonight.

“Just get in the car, Regina,” her mother instructed confidently; firmly, as she stepped out into the cold, “Olman’s already taken you away from me once, before - he will not do it again, do you understand me?”

“But-”

“Do you want to get Y/n back, or what?” She continued, desperate to get Regina out, before you could do anything stupid, like she feared you would, but before they could begin their search, June insisted that they check on Cal, first, just in case you really had gone back home, and weren’t anywhere out there when you shouldn’t be, but she guessed maybe it would have been better that she drop her daughter off at your Uncle’s first, considering it didn’t take you long to begin losing yourself, again, shortly after they’d arrived at his riding centre, in the first place.

🜸

You parked your motorcycle a little off road, your heart still pounding regardless of how much it felt as if it were currently being squeezed, right now. You dragged yourself along the sidewalk, not too far away from Northshore High, but still not very populated - you guessed that it being late helped that, as well; there weren’t often cars driving down this road at this time of night. You sighed heavily, your breathing pattern a little staggered and shaky; you’d still not been able to recompose yourself, your blood boiling, and entire body aching as if it were forgetting how to function completely, just because of Mrs. George’s revelation regarding Shane being there, with Regina.

You knew you probably shouldn’t be angry; dejected and a little jealous, sure, but angry? Your heart sank; you guessed you’d just been hoping that they would have been broken up, by now; she’d promised you she’d do it, as soon as she could, the day before, and you’d seen them talking during the school day, earlier. You didn’t dare break out the question, as soon as she arrived to work on your Uncle’s ranch again, simply smiling over at her as she passed by, and she couldn’t help, but smile timidly back at you, her eyes glinting a little as soon as they’d locked with your own.

You thought that smile had confirmed what you were hoping; it confirmed so many things to you - the main things being that you were definitely at risk of a lack of oxygen, whenever you were around her, as well as that you were definitely gayer than you thought you were, before, but the smile also made you feel like you were finally safe; finally happy, and free, as long as she were there beside you. You were elated, as soon as you felt her beside you, your heart pounding as you forgot how to breathe, her hair brushing against your left shoulder.

Just that memory, was enough to take you back to that moment, entirely, you envisioning the stable within your mind, as the wind picked up a little around you, a stray car passing by, but nothing stopped you, your vision clouding a little as you were brought back to a few hours ago, forgetting how to breathe yet again - if only you could live within moments like those; you knew you’d give anything to try.

•

You were mucking up the stalls again, by the time she’d got to you, lingering by the door anxiously for a moment, only for her expression to soften as soon as she saw you, her heart skipping a beat; she couldn’t believe how beautiful you were, everywhere she saw you. She didn’t realise she’d stopped breathing, until she heard Firenze snorting to her right; he was still in his stall, you in the one opposite him. She smiled softly, making to go over to him and Felicity, before she slowly walked up to you, once she’d greeted both of them with a gentle stroke, and ear scratch; they were steadily getting used to her being around, and she loved it - she loved everything about being here; loved everything about you.

Her heart staggered again, her breath catching in her throat at the thought, but she tried to recompose herself, before she continued forward, and was finally stood beside you, her hair tickling your left shoulder blissfully as your own heart skipped a beat, your own lungs forgetting how to breathe, alongside her’s, until you realised you should respond, if you didn’t want her to think of you as being strange, at all.

“Hey,” she began, a little exasperatedly, her voice close to a whisper, and you would falter, your heart beginning to pound as you tried not to shudder, your skin feeling a little tingly in response to her voice.

“H-Hi,” you managed, timidly, in response, and she couldn’t help, but beam over at you, her eyes glinting even more as you both stood there together, for a moment, until she held her hand in your’s, and you felt safer than you ever had, before.

“I missed-” You both began accidentally, not realising you were speaking over each other, until you fell quiet, and locked gazes blissfully, the realisation only setting in shortly before you’d begun to giggle breathlessly alongside one another, evidently amused, as well as a little flustered, by what had just happened between you both.

“So you did miss me, huh?” Regina guessed, and you would wince, tensing up a little, evidently embarrassed; it wasn’t really something you were used to saying, yet, though it did feel right on your tongue, whenever it was directed at her.

“O-Of course I did,” you answered, a little quieter than before, whilst you avoided her gaze, with more than much difficulty, “why - why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know,” she corroborated, evidently teasing, now, as she leaned closer to you, her right shoulder bumping your left one, “why wouldn’t you?”

You grew redder; stammering a bit more as you tried to find the right words, but your heart pounding in your ears didn’t help, at all.

“I-.. I don’t know, why - er-” You managed, appearing puzzled as well as frustrated as she’d evidently caught your tongue, prompting you to wince again as you silently cursed yourself for being so weak around her, but she couldn’t help, but find you adorable; she loved to make you speechless, the way she could tell she just had, just by teasing you the way she did, a brief moment ago.

“You’re adorable,” she remarked, before she leaned over to delicately connect her lips to your’s, and you couldn’t help, but melt into her touch, smiling softly against her lips as more blood rushed to your cheeks, and you felt like the luckiest girl in the world, even after all that had been done to you, years ago.

“You’re more adorable,” you mustered up, deciding it was your turn to be able to tease her, now that she’d done her own teasing, “I - you-.. did you miss me?”

She appeared taken aback by your question, her own heart skipping a beat, or two, as she affectionately connected her forehead to your own, her arms still around your waist, after you’d leaned the shovel against the wall to your right, deciding mucking up could wait, for a moment, or two, just because you’d not been able to talk to her all day, before now. A vision of you seeing Regina and Shane talking earlier invaded your mind, and your heart sank, your eyes darkening as you looked over at her, your eyes meeting her own again, but you tried to hide that it was paining you, not knowing yet if they’d broken up already, or were still together, despite your and her recent changes in relationship, lately.

“Duh, of course I did,” she answered, without hesitation, her eyes never leaving your own, “what kind of question even is that?”

“The same one you asked me, not too long ago, now,” you replied, and she would wince, remembering; the kiss had briefly disorientated her, until now, as she smiled sheepishly in your direction, her cheeks a little redder than they were, before.

“Right,” she mused, her voice ever so light, “I did, didn’t I?” You smirked over at her, evidently amused by her reaction as you held her even closer to you, hating any amount of distance between you both, right now. You hummed in response to what she already knew, a mischievous glint in your eyes as you did; you loved to see her flustered, that much was clear to her, right now - well, that and the fact that she was already missing your lips, against her own, but that was another story, right now. “And you really thought I forgot about that?” She teased, as if it weren’t true, and you couldn’t help, but simply allow your smile to grow, regardless of how warm your face felt, right now, just as a result of her teasing you the way that she was.

“Yes, ma’am,” you answered, simply, and she couldn’t explain how that made something switch within her, as she raised her eyebrows over at you, grinning again, before she leaned forward to kiss you once more - a little more of a passionate kiss, than the last one was; she couldn’t explain why in much detail, only that she’d liked you referring to her as ‘ma’am’ the way that she did, and your lips had been beckoning her own ever since the last had taken place. Let’s just say you both stayed in there for a little while, finishing up the mucking up of the stalls together, without anyone around to disturb you both, except the horses - you didn’t just spend the rest of that time making out again, but even if you did, who needed to know? You just wished it could’ve stayed the way that it was, before you’d heard about her and Shane being in her mother’s house together, regardless of what she’d promised to do for you, as soon as she possibly could.

🜸•🜸

This time, Cal was waiting on the porch. This time, the sound of gravel crackling under the tires didn’t soothe her. As soon as June pulled her car to a stop before the house, Regina hastily got out, her heart still pounding as she raced toward Cal, small tears streaming down her cheeks as the wind hit against her, but nothing could stop her as she rushed up the porch, and couldn’t stop herself as she threw her arms around him, crying quietly as she did. It didn’t make things any better, not seeing your motorcycle anywhere you tended to leave it, out here.

Cal would appear taken aback by Regina’s action, but his expression softened instantly when he heard her sniffling, prompting him to frown as he returned the hug, June walking hastily toward the porch with a worried expression on her face. That was when reality struck him; his eyes widened, and June nodded gravely, an apologetic look on her face - that night would be longer than they knew they could bear.

🜸

The cold was getting to you, at least a little bit. You bit against it, your mouth a thin line, but you didn’t hug yourself; you didn’t care to. You didn’t look back toward your motorcycle; you didn’t really care anymore - you just thought about Regina, and how you hoped she’d be happy, if you finally disappeared. You sighed heavily; a little dejectedly, like a light within you being extinguished; nothing felt the same anymore, and you knew that was probably stupid; that you shouldn’t be surprised about what had been happening recently, but it still hurt no matter what you thought about it; any of it - Regina and Shane; Regina and you.

In the end, you didn’t know why you cared; you’d been through worse, but - to be honest - the part of it that scared you was the one that told you you would rather be stuck in your kidnappers basement, than be here again, feeling as if you were just some play-thing. Maybe, it would have felt better - not that Regina would ever hurt you like that - if she’d just used you the way your kidnapper and his goons had; maybe your attachment to her then wouldn’t be hurting you so much, but you guessed it didn’t matter much anymore, anyway. What goes around, comes around, right? At least, that was all you could think, as you looked toward the bridge stood a few paces ahead of you.

🜸

“She’s gone,” Regina managed, her voice briefly trembling as Cal held her at arm’s length, a pained as well as terrified look on his face; he’d encountered you disappearing like this, before, and the last times it had happened - it wasn’t good.

He shivered, remembering how the police had often contacted him, saying they’d either found you in a makeshift puddle of your own blood, or fully submerged in water; they’d also found you one time, crying as they dragged you out of a store you’d attempted to rob, full of guns, and other weapons - you’d tried to openly steal one of the guns, and - upon noticing you’d been spotted - you tried to lift the gun to your head, only to be tackled to the ground, and have the shot be fired into the floor to your right. You’d tried many times to disappear, that much he knew.

He sighed heavily, as well as a little shakily, his breath showing in the cold air as June lifted her left hand to Regina’s back, a pained expression on her own face as she’d been hoping that maybe you’d be here, though she did get a bad feeling that you wouldn’t be, like you weren’t, now - invisible to the world, somewhere they feared you wouldn’t be found, until the phone ringed inside, and Cal didn’t hesitate to rush in, and answer the call.

🜸

It didn’t take you much, to be stood upon one of the railings of the bridge, looking down at the rushing water below; it didn’t scare you - not really. In fact, you thought it peaceful, your eyes darkening as you stared down at it, trying not to think of Regina; of Cal, and the horses, but you’d never stop believing that they didn’t need you; would never stop believing that you were pathetic - a presence to only burden them. You’d never be good enough, so why wait any longer?

You released the railing to your left, closed your eyes, and for once, all you could think about was falling, in another way.

🜸

Regina, and her mother anxiously awaited in the hallway as Cal spoke hastily on the phone, sounding as dejected and terrified as he looked, asking the person on the other side if they’d seen you, recently, earlier today, only for his eyes to darken, and expression to crumble as he replied with a dejected ‘thank you’, before setting the phone back down upon its stand. He prided himself on being a lover of old technology; he’d always had that phone, ever since he’d moved here, shortly before you’d been taken by your kidnapper, those years ago - you remembered how exited he’d got, seeing the place had a phone like that; you didn’t understand it at the time, but still it made you happy, to see that he was happy, being the only member of your family you felt you could trust whole-heartedly, the way you did him, even after you’d been taken the way you had, and abused as well as beaten almost to a pulp; to death - it was painful, thinking about how different things could have been.

Cal slowly turned toward them, and Regina faltered, a sense of dread taking over her as she shook her head hastily, and tried not to break down completely, no matter how hard it was to stay strong for you, as well as him, and herself, right now.

“It wasn’t Y/n, was it?” She guessed, before he could even open his mouth to say anything. Her voice cracked, but she didn’t give in. “Tell me it wasn’t her, please,” she begged, firmly; shakily, her blood boiling, and heart stuttering at the possibility of her never being able to see you, again, “please, Cal, just - just say something, anything, or - or I’ll-”

“It wasn’t her,” he confirmed slowly; half-heartedly, in a strained manner, “I’m sorry-”

“We have to go out, and look for her,” Regina stated, determined to bring you back, somehow, “we have to; we can’t just-”

“There’s nothing that can be done,” Cal contradicted gently, though it pained him as much to say it, wishing he could do more, “she’s unpredictable - if anything does happen, the police will tell me.” Before he added under his breath: ‘they always do’. He then gesticulated to the door of the living room, trying not to let his hands shake. “Please, come in; it’s gonna be a long night,” he requested, a silent urgency in his voice, “I-.. fear what I’ll do, if I’m to be alone, but-..”

June shook her head, before reassuringly lifting her right hand up to his left shoulder.

“You won’t be alone,” she promised, “because we’re here, and we always will be - for as long as you need us to be, won’t we, Regina?”

Regina hesitated, trying not to look toward the door, no matter how much she wished she could go out, and look for you, desperate to find you, and make sure that you’re okay, especially after you’d heard about her and Shane not breaking up yet, until now.

“Sure, I - I guess,” she answered, and Cal would express relied, glad to hear he wouldn’t be alone, whilst you were gone, before he smiled softly over at them both, and opened the door before him, the room too quiet, even as he led them into it - nothing would ever be the same, if you weren’t found, and fast; he just hoped it wasn’t too late, or it really would feel like the end of everything was near.

🜸

Regina was anxious; water flooded over you. It made your throat feel raw, as you struggled to breathe, the panic settling in. You didn’t know why you’d thought of her, as the water began to consume you; didn’t know why you wondered if she’d liked the roses, your heart sinking, and eyes darkening as your muscles slowly began to give in, even before the water had begun to tire you - there wasn’t much point to go on fighting, if you wouldn’t ever see her again.

You heard panicked voices; the squeaking of car’s braking as sunk slowly, staring dejectedly up at the surface until it stung your eyes enough to get you to close them tightly, but it didn’t make a difference - nothing ever would, until you were pulled up out of the water, and forced to start breathing again.

🜸

Regina couldn’t sit still - for the whole of the time it took, for the police to get in contact - she couldn’t calm herself down. She fidgeted with her hands, staring down at her lap, her right leg bouncing a little - that had never happened to her, before. She only occasionally glanced up at her mom, or at Cal, June trying to soothe her every once in a while by resting her hand gently upon her daughter’s knee; she hated seeing her like this, and wished she could do more for her, somehow, but neither she or Cal knew what to do with themselves.

They felt hopeless, knowing you were out there, somewhere, probably in an untrustworthy state of mind, after what you’d heard from June regarding Shane and her daughter, but no matter what they tried to say to each other; what they tried to think of to lighten the mood a little, the darkness was closing in, faster than they originally expected it to.

🜸

The light was unforgiving, as you were pulled out of the water, spluttering uncontrollably whilst you tried not to cry; the pain in your throat and chest was unbearable, and your muscles were weaker than you’d ever felt them. You squinted your eyes up at the sky - the starts were beautiful, tonight. You couldn’t help, but think about Regina again, wondering what it would be like, to lay beneath them, your arms around one another; fingers interlinked - nothing had ever looked so beautiful, before, as such a sight.

Your heart sank; you still feared maybe Regina would never want to do anything like that with you; she probably would rather not even see you, anymore, after today. That only made the feeling worse, as you scowled up at the sky, cursing the person who’d saved you, the way they did. You then remembered the police sirens; there were some steady approaching. You imagined a couple or so police cars, as well as an ambulance. It was exactly like the other time you’d tried to do this to yourself. Maybe even worse - this time, you were conscious, as you felt yourself failing yet again to take your life, the pain unbearably taunting, but it hadn’t extinguished the fire in your chest, yet; if you were going to end everything, it was going to be tonight, whether they liked it, or not.

🜸

“If she isn’t back in half an hour, I will be calling the police,” Cal stated - it was the first time he’d spoken, in a little while, now.

“I think that would be for the best,” June corroborated, her voice ever so gentle. Regina sank between them, feeling more helpless than she ever had before. She couldn’t believe she was just sitting there, her heart pounding, and face crumpling occasionally as she tried not to break down anymore than she already had, since they’d arrived here.

You were still at large, and she was terrified of what might happen to you; to her, after today - if she lost you, somehow, like she feared she would, soon, she didn’t know what she’d do to herself; didn’t know how she’d handle things, anymore, without you beside her; without being able to see you again, after school; after kisses; after every embrace you and her had ever shared. It was more painful than anything had ever felt, before, and she couldn’t take it, silently begging for you to come back, just so she could see that you were okay; just so she could tell you everything about how she felt about you, and could never want anything else, but to be with you, and you only.

She didn’t think anything of it, when the TV came to life.

🜸

You let yourself recompose, first, gathering at least some strength whilst someone spoke hastily on the phone a little further away from you, another person with a microphone, not too far away from them. You grimaced - how did they all get here, so fast? Though, you didn’t seem to have much concept of time, right now. You couldn’t remember how long you’d been unconscious when you were; it wasn’t for very long, that was all you could tell - you sighed barely audibly, still staring up at the sky whilst small white lights seemed to dance in your eye-line. The black spots were trying to deter them, but they wouldn’t go. You winced, a sharp pain shooting through your right side, as soon as you tried to move - this would be harder, than you thought it would be.

🜸

The remote shook in Cal’s right hand; he didn’t dare look over at his guests. Regina kept her eyes glued down to her hands, whilst June warily looked on at the TV screen, fidgeting with her own fingers as the usual news reporter read out all the recent headlines. If it weren’t for the next one being interrupted by the announcement of new breaking news, maybe they wouldn’t have found you, again.

🜸

“Don’t move,” one of the paramedics advised gently, whilst the police warded off any civilians crowding around the area, to give you space, you guessed. “You’re okay,” the woman continued, as you tried to scoot away from her, only to wince again, a quiet whimper escaping your lips; the pain was excruciating, and you didn’t notice that you were bleeding, until the paramedic carefully lifted your t-shirt, revealing a long scratch running down to your waist - you must have caught something, after jumping into the water; your skin must have been nicked by a rock at the bottom, or the side - you heard her say, to one of her peers; she was trying to speak quietly, but you knew.

You cursed barely audibly, your voice shaking as you glanced down at the scratch again, watching the blood seeping down slowly, almost covering your entire side as it went. You groaned, before letting your head drop back down onto the ground - concrete, of course; you cursed again.

“You’re going to be okay,” another of them said, as they held their hand carefully over your wound, and you winced, wishing you could slap it away, but you couldn’t feel much of yourself, right now. “We’ve got you-”

“Let go of me,” you uttered, your voice weak, and sounding strained, as if you were using all of your energy to talk to them, just as they began to carefully lift you off of the ground as soon as the stretcher was brought out for you.

“We can’t do that, I’m afraid,” the first paramedic began again, smiling sympathetically down at you as they laid you upon the stretcher, but this wasn’t it. You wouldn’t let them take you away. That’s why you kicked your legs out beneath you, before you got up off of the stretcher after startling the two women who’d been trying to help you, and tried to run as fast as you could toward the bridge again.

🜸

It started with the reporter mentioning something about the bridge nearby, almost on the way to Northshore high, but Regina didn’t lift her head, until June gasped, and Cal dropped the remote.

🜸

You climbed back up onto the railing, your heart racing as you stared back down at the water again, listening to the panicked shouts behind you, but nobody dared get any closer, worried about what you might do, if they tried.

“Miss, stop! Please!” One of them called, you shrugged, grimacing subconsciously in response to their voices.

“Get down!” Another demanded - probably one of the officers stood next to the paramedics, but still you remained perched upon the railing, not daring to move even an inch as you tensed up, your eyes beginning to water a little whilst a lump formed within your throat; the fear was starting to set in, now. You closed your eyes again; you were determined to make today the end of everything.

🜸

“Shit,” Cal spat, as he hastily got up off of his chair, before rushing out to the phone again, Regina hot on his heels whilst her mother followed behind her, shocked; she couldn’t believe what she’d seen on the screen - you in the background, stood on the railing of the bridge, whilst the reporter talked about the situation to the woman who had been speaking, earlier, giving the other pieces of news, before your situation had come up. “I-.. I need to call them; the - the police; I need to speak to her-”

“What if they don’t let you?” Regina questioned, terrified, her voice briefly trembling. “What if they don’t-”

“They will,” Cal interjected, determined to talk to you, “I will make them, if they don’t - I will drive right down there, and push through them if I have to - I’m not letting her jump; I - I can’t, I-”

“It’s okay,” June cooed, trying to soothe him as she rested her left hand upon his right shoulder; his hands shook, as he reached for the phone. This was going to be too hard to stay strong through, no matter how much he knew he should try and be as strong as he possibly could, for you, right now.

🜸

It started with the police talking in quiet, worried, and hushed voices. You didn’t dare look back at them, still, staring down at the water with slightly widened eyes; your legs shaking a little beneath you - you didn’t know why you couldn’t get yourself to jump, but you were terrified. Again, you thought about Regina, about Cal, and the horses. About all you could lose, even if you weren’t sure whether they still wanted you, after everything.

“We’re trying,” you heard one of them say behind you, their voices a little more raised than they were, before, “doing everything we can, Mr. L/n, but-”

You tensed up at the mention of your Uncle, your breath hitching in your throat as you subconsciously shook your head, before looking around behind you, until your gaze fell upon the woman holding a microphone, a few paces away from you, now, a camera filming every word she spoke, and every expression that appeared on her face. You didn’t know what to think; how to feel, you just stared ahead of you, a heavy lump in your throat as small tears began to cloud your vision all over again - you just wished they would give up on you; just wished they’d stop caring; even you knew you weren’t worth the hassle. You wished you could just throw yourself in, if only your muscles weren’t stopping you from doing so.

🜸

“You’re not trying hard enough!” Cal retorted, like a hiss, and the officer would scowl in response to his accusation.

“There’s not much that we can do, sir, please try and remember that - if you were in our situation-”

“Give me the phone,” Regina interjected, her voice firm; she was determined to get through to you, somehow.

Cal would appear taken aback, evidently shocked by her interjection as he looked back at her, a pained expression on his face again.

“But-”

“Please,” she begged, her voice briefly trembling as he appeared conflicted, not sure what to do with himself.

“I-”

“This might be good for her, Cal; to speak to Regina,” June corroborated gently, “if only for a minute, or two? Who knows? She might actually listen to her, and come back home?”

“She’s not going anywhere, after this,” Cal stated, before warily looking back toward Regina, and nodding determinedly, relieving her as she allowed a barely audible sigh to escape her lips, a small tear leaking down her right cheek; she only hoped she could do what she could, for you, no matter what it meant for your and her relationship, after today - she couldn’t let you go on any longer not knowing that it was you; that it had always been you, she just wished she could have told you that, before you’d turned up at her door, and heard from her mother that she and Shane were still together, before this moment in time.

🜸

You imagined dropping back into the water, your eyelids fluttering shut. The wind blew through your locks, and for a moment it felt like water, as you imagined yourself being submerged within it - how it had felt, before, until the person who’d saved you had pulled you out, though you’d not wanted to be saved, at all. You sighed dejectedly, your breath barely audible, and showing in the cold air. You watched it drift away from you, before it disappeared completely - maybe this night would have been nice, if not for what had brought you out here, in the first place.

“Miss L/n!” One of the officers called, and you tensed up again, your heart skipping a beat as your eyelids fluttered open again. “We have someone on the line who says they want to talk to you!” He continued, and you winced, before scoffing, shaking your head, and bowing it again.

“If it’s Cal, tell - tell him that - that I’m not stopping,” you spat, your voice weak, and shaky, as you yourself tried not to break down, alongside your waiting companions back at Cal’s ranch, “in fact, you can tell him to fuck off, for all I care! I can make my own decisions, now - I’m not a baby, anymore; I never was one.”

“That’s all very well, Y/n,” another of the officers spoke - a female voice you recognised; you’d had many dealings with her, like this one, but each time you seemed to forget her name, wincing as well as trying not to laugh at the irony of it all - so many times, you’d been saved by her as well as other officers, and paramedics, when all you could think of, was how you wished your kidnapper and his goons had killed you, whenever they got the chance, all those years ago. “But it isn’t Cal,” she revealed, and you would falter, evidently taken aback as you looked back at her, evidently shocked, as well as a little confused, your eyes full of a silent dread you couldn’t conceal, only to be heightened as soon as she continued with the words: “it’s a girl claiming to be a friend of your’s - do you know a Miss Regina George, by any chance?”

🜚

Your heart stuttered, before you crumpled before them, your eyes wide, and wet, a pained expression crossing your face all over again.

“I-.. W-What?” You managed, your voice weaker than the officer had ever heard it, before, prompting her expression to soften as she tilted her head partially, before making to come closer to you, only for you to hastily shake your head, and turn back toward the water, as if readying yourself to jump again.

She faltered in step, shaking her head alongside your own as she stopped in place, worried you might convince yourself to do something stupid, if she got any closer to you than she was, now.

“Okay,” she cooed gently, “it’s okay - I won’t come any closer; here-.. I’ll slide the phone over to you, and you can pick it up, if you want to - go ahead.”

She then crouched down low, before sliding her phone over to where you were, it stopping a few paces away from you as you stared dejectedly down at the water below you, wondering what Regina might be thinking of you, right now - how dejected, and disappointed she might be, but at the same time you doubted she’d be upset, if you disappeared, today. You drew in a shaky breath, before nodding gravely, and carefully getting down off of the railing, your heart aching more than it ever had before, no matter how much it elated you to think about hearing her voice again, the way you thought you would, soon, as long as you went ahead with answering the call.

You lingered by the phone, for a moment, warily looking up at her; the officer stood a few paces away from you, enduring yet another attempt to save your life, despite all the other times she’d done so, before. She nodded reassuringly, smiling softly as you narrowed your eyes in her direction, evidently skeptical of what she’d do, if you took the phone up, and looked away from her for at least a second, or two.

“If you even try to stop me from-”

“We won’t,” she interjected gently, before you could even finish your sentence, “not physically, anyway; that doesn’t help anyone.”

“Okay,” you replied slowly, still sounding a little unsure as you leaned down to pick up the phone, subconsciously wincing, and even flinching a little as you looked back up at them, only to discover they were all still where they were, before. You expressed relief, before backing a little further away from them, and then bowing your head, your heart feeling as if it were being squeezed as you turned away to glance back down at the water.

It took you more than a little strength, to bring yourself to lift the phone up to your ear.

🜸

“Hello?” Your voice prompted her heart to skip a beat, and her to forget how to breathe for a moment; she couldn’t explain it, but it was look a warm rush of relief ran through her - she liked to hear you were still there, with her; still existing, beside her, even if you weren’t anywhere near her, right now.

“Hey,” she managed, her voice cracking a little as she tried to hold herself together for you, no matter how hard it was for her to do so, especially now that she knew what you could do, if she and the others weren’t careful with you.

Cal warily watched her for a moment, until he expressed relief upon hearing her respond to you, reassuring him that you were still there; still alive, and breathing, despite your previous threats to jump, if ever the officers and paramedics got any closer to you than they were, now.

“I-..” You fell quiet, a pained expression on your face as you tried to get the words out, only to fail miserably, your throat closing up as you tried to swallow the lump within it.

“I’m sorry,” Regina managed, and you would falter again, a hurt look on your face as you hastily shook your head; you didn’t want her to feel as if she had to apologise, when you believed yourself to be the only problem, here. “Y/n, I-”

“They say heartbreak really fucks with you,” you mused, your voice briefly trembling, and she would falter, her heart sinking as she nodded slowly, her eyes darkening; she couldn’t stand hearing how she’d hurt you, the way she knew she had. “I-”

“The stars are pretty tonight, aren’t they?” Regina interjected gently, and you would appear taken aback, subconsciously looking up at them - they were always pretty, when you had someone like her to share them with.

Your heart skipped a beat, and she smiled softly, hearing you say ‘they are’ a little lighter, as if she were reigniting something within you, just by being there with you, the way that she was.

“They really are,” you added slowly; thoughtfully - heavily; so heavily that it hurt her more than anything else ever had, before, “I just-… I guess I just wish-”

“Stop,” she whispered shakily, and you would fall quiet again, swallowing thickly as another small tear leaked slowly down your right cheek, “I-.. I can’t-”

“But it’s true,” you stated, your heart sounding as if it were breaking several times over almost as much as your voice was, alongside her own, “I never-.. Regina, I-”

“You can’t,” she spat, her voice strained, “you just can’t, okay? I need you, I fucking love you, Y/n, okay!? I love you!”

Cal frowned, hearing it was hurting the both of you, to be talking like this; to be away from each other, when all you needed was to be together, like he’d always hoped you would be. You didn’t know what to say for a moment, your heart throbbing; jumping, as you thought, and clung to each of her words, imagining all you’d ever dreamt about - everything you’d ever wanted, living a life with her. You drew in another shaky, and slow breath, your blood pulsing in your ears as you tried to find the right words, to say; tried to hold yourself together, though every minute felt like an extra hour pulling your insides apart.

You focused on the water; the light glimmering upon its surface as you smiled softly down at the sight, but your smile didn’t last long - how could it, when she weren’t beside you? When you couldn’t stop thinking about everything bad; how you could never be good enough, for her, no matter how much you longed to be more, for her, and her only. Your eyes darkened, and you felt lost, again; it took a lot, not to let yourself drop then and there, if she weren’t on the other side of the phone line.

“I-.. I’m sorry, Reg, but-.. there’s nothing left for me, anymore; nothing left of me - I can’t let you live out your life wanting to spend it on something that’s been broken, rather than refurbished,” you uttered, and before she could even respond, you hung up the phone, and let yourself fall forward - you knew it probably wouldn’t work, but there was nothing left to do, but keep trying - right?

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it, and are looking forward to the next one! ❤️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not supporting my best friend? (tw: suicide mention, sexual stuff)

so I(24 F2M) and my best friend Kat(28 F, not real name) used to date for 12 years, so a pretty long relationship and pretty much all of our teenhood and adulthood so far. We've lived together since I turned 18. About six months ago Kat left me for someone else she'd met, Carla(26 F). It was a nasty breakup but we made up and decided to remain best friends afterwards. I'm still very heartbroken over this, but I've tried to sit it aside for Kat's sake. Kat has since moved out to live with Carla but we still live close to each other and spend a lot of time together.

Our entire relationship, physical affection was a low. We tried having sex, but it ended up not working out and we refrained from doing anything else. A few years into living together we started sleeping in separate beds, and there was no kissing or cuddling. That was fine, I didn't want to pressure her into doing anything. The instant Kat and Carla started dating, she would not stop talking about how much she wanted to fuck her, hold her, and kiss her. Now that they're living together, it's all I hear. All of our conversations tend to be about Carla one way or the other. And that's fine, everyone needs a friend to chat to about their life, it was just hard for me to balance all this while still nursing a broken heart and feeling inadequate for being inexperienced.

I tried to tell Kat that these conversations were making me uncomfortable, but it made her angry. She was upset that our relationship had degraded to the point where we couldn't speak frankly about what was on our minds, and that I understand. I let her resume in earnest. I admit fault in this - after we broke up, I basically became a shut in. I have severe depression and I've attempted multiple times before, so I stopped communicating altogether for a while out of grief. I wasn't there for Kat when I should have been.

I ended up having a psychotic break that long story short ended in an attempt, and landed me in the hospital. Kat and Carla came to see me and sat with me for a while, and the conversation turned to their plans for marriage and children. Carla left for work and Kat continued on without her. I wasn't in the best state of mind, and I snapped at her that I don't want to hear this right now and that Kat constantly talking about her relationship with Carla with me wasn't helping me out. I didn't explicitly say it played a part in my attempt because I didn't want to send the message that I would have killed myself if Kat left me(it was multiple compounding reasons that resulted in the break that led to the attempt), but I may have sent that implication regardless. Kat seemed hurt, and I apologized and asked to be alone.

She then blew up at me, cursing me out, saying I was a horrible friend for not supporting her in her life and plans, that I was the one I she could trust and now she can't tell me anything because I'd react this way. It devolved into an argument where I admitted to her that I can't stand her talking about Carla so much and that while I understand if she chose her over me, I was still mourning the future I had with Kat and needed time to grieve. Things calmed down, Kat said she understood, and we had a few talks in-between nurse visits that eventually turned back into her talking about Carla in sexual detail. I just accepted at the time, but once I was discharged and tried to go back to living my life, I stopped talking to Kat more and more. She still leaves walls of text messages about her and Carla that I now ignore.

Where I might be the asshole: Ignoring Kat and getting upset about her trying to share her life with me post breakup. I don't like how I behaved and I should have supported her more than I did. She was in a period of her life where she needed me and wanted someone to share her joy with and I tried to take that away from her. I also might have implied that I attempted due to her leaving me for Carla.

Where I might not be the asshole: I wasn't in my right mind for a great deal of this, and Kat could have been more gentle with me when I was recovering from the attempt. I wouldn't outright call her an asshole for her behavior, I don't honestly think she did anything wrong - I agreed to talking with her about her life and supporting her, she was only utilizing that. Carla has absolutely nothing to do with this otherwise, and she's actually quite nice herself.

So, am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[allthesmutl0vers]

The Weight of Blood: Tom/Theo/Draco/Regulus/Fem!Reader (A/N--TW--Prologue)

NSFW,MDNI,18+,Triggering Content Masterlist Pairing: Tom Riddle/Theo Nott/Draco Malfoy/Regulus Black/Fem!Reader Comments and Reblogs are always appreciated. Summary: When students return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for their final year, their biggest obstacle is passing their final exams. At least, that’s how it should be. But life has never been that easy for y/n. Between juggling the rocky, and some would say, an abusive relationship she has with one quidditch star, Cormac McLaggen, and cramming for her exams, she never finds the time to enjoy the things she loves. Ice skating, reading by the fire, riding a broom, or taking a walk through the forbidden forest to look for animals to capture with her camera. Little does she know, a storm is brewing. A storm that could rip away everything she holds dear, upending her life, even threatening to end it once and for all. A storm that is caused by the perceived weight her blood holds against those who hold the title weight, pure-blood. Being driven straight into the walls of the castle by four very handsome, very dangerous Slytherin boys. But will her being caught in the eyes of these boys be enough to change the direction of the wind? Or will they leave her to fight for herself in the eye of the storm?  Only time will tell.  If there is enough of it, at least.  “I wouldn’t call it love. I’d call it an obsession.” - Tom Riddle IMPORTANT NOTE: This is a DARK ROMANCE, please take a look at the trigger warnings, and make sure you are comfortable reading this story before you start it. This story may not be for everyone. This is a multi-part story. I will be updating it as well as 'Managing Mischief' (Weasley Twins/Fem!Reader) throughout the week. You can click below to read more. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Author’s Note

This story is a fan-fiction. I do not own any of the characters, places, or situations within this story besides those that I create. 

Please do not print, bind, or sell this work, as it would be an illegal act. Keep our writers and stories safe, legal, and free for all to enjoy. 

This is a dark romance. Some situations/actions may be triggering/unsuitable for some.

With all of that being said, please read the Content and trigger Warnings.

Your Mental Health Matters.

Domestic Violence Hotline: (Call) 800-799-723 (Text-BEGIN) to 88788

Suicide Prevention Hotline: (Text/Call) 988 

Self-Harm Hotline: (Call) 1-800-366-8288 (Text-CONNECT) to741741

Sexual-Assult Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

You are not alone. 

It is not your fault.

The world is better with you in it. 

My DMs are open if you need someone to talk to. Or simply someone to listen.

Content and Trigger Warnings

Abusive Relationship: Slapping, Non-Con Touching (mentioned only), Rape (mentioned only), Degradation (and not the kind we like), Humiliation, One On-Page Punch (past ones implied), Victim Blaming, Revenge Porn. 

Violence: Fist Fights, Magical Cursing, Blood, Attempted Drowning, Knife To Throat Threats

Character Death

Depression

Attempted Suicide 

Self-Harm

HEAVY Smut: One-On-One, Three, Four, and Fivesome scenes.

Heavy BDSM: Bondage, Magical Restraints, Spanking, Choking, Dom/Sub Relationships, Ownership Kink, Shared Ownership Kink, Sir Kink, Voyeurism/Exhibitionism, Semi-Public Sex, Primal Play, Knife Play, Blood Play, Marking/Branding Kinks, Orgasm Denial/Control, Edging, Overstimulation, Double Penetration, Anal Sex, Oral Sex (Male and Female Receiving), Breeding Kink. 

Found Family

Betrayal

Discrimination: Based on blood-status. 

Bullying

This story is Multi-POV, but primarily told from the Reader’s point of view.

Dedication

For all of us who have dreamed of being rescued, only to realize we had the power all along.

Prologue

Tom

Blood status amongst wizards and witches is the most powerful, most prominent, and most valuable thing we possess. Without it, how would we know who is worthy of our time? Or, more importantly, our loyalty.

Or so I’ve always been taught.

Even in the summer, the manor is dark, casting shadows along the cold corridors as we all gather for the first official meeting. Inside the grand dining room of Malfoy Manor, the parents are anxious, wondering if it’s a trap. Not that I blame them for keeping their children close to them. But those I have grown to think of as friends can handle their own. As they’ve proved not just their abilities, but their loyalty a hundred times over. 

My parents died long ago, not that I care. Why should I? I never met them. My father was a filthy muggle, and my mother a blood-traitor who died for love of all things. Not that anyone knows that. They couldn’t, and they never will. 

The door opens, and in walks our leader. The head of the charge against mud-bloods, is here to lead us into putting them in their rightful place, beneath our feet. Wirely and unruly black hair that hangs to her waist and long black robes that hang loosely around her frame, she steps up to the head of the table. 

“You may be seated,” she says calmly, but her tone is also commanding. Everyone sits down around the table, myself included. Not daring to speak, not daring to ask the first question. She takes a long sip of her wine before leaning on the table, propping herself on her elbows as her fingers interlock. 

“Firstly, I would like to thank you all for joining me here this evening. As I’m sure you are well aware, we are under attack,” she says stiffly. “Mud-bloods have never been more common than they are now. Threatening to throw everything we hold most dear out of order,” she looks around. “But no longer will we stand for it. No longer will we be seated at a table with those who don’t deserve to sit.”

“Hear, hear,” Mr. Nott says cheerfully, raising his now fourth glass of wine.

Bellatrix smiles and nods once. “Our biggest issue, as of now, is getting more people to come on board. These progressionistic,” she seethes. “People in the ministry and confirmed blood-traitors, are most unlikely to accept the eradication of muggle-born individuals. So, how do we combat this?” She asks openly. 

Lucius clears his throat. “May I suggest, instead of death, exile instead?” 

Stupid suggestion.

Bellatrix sits back in her seat as if pondering the ridiculous idea. “To allow them to continue mating and breeding on their own accord?” She says with a tone dripping in disappointment. “Free of any repercussions?” Lucius opens his mouth to speak again when she stops him, raising her hand. “Any other ideas?” 

“My lady,” Mrs. Nott speaks up, setting down her glass of wine. “Perhaps we re-visit the ideals and ideas of Grindelwald?” Bellatrix nods for her to continue. “It seems it would be much easier to control the mud-bloods, should we have the muggles fighting alongside us,” Almost everyone snickers at the idea. “As mundane and contradictory as it may seem, there are more muggles than us. Should we find some way to control them and will them to fight for us, we could overthrow the ministry. Implement our laws and ideals, then control everyone.”

Bit ambitious and a far stretch, but the idea is there. 

“Where is Grindelwald right now, Mrs. Nott?” Bellatrix asks simply. 

“Pardon?” Mrs. Nott asks with a confused expression. 

“Theodore,” Bellatrix turns to her son instead. “Remind your dear mother where Grindelwald is at present.” 

Theo clears his throat, sitting up straighter. “Azkaban, Ms. Lestrange,” he answers cooly. 

“Azkaban. That is correct,” she nods at Theo with a smile before turning to the rest of us. “I would like to remind everyone that muggles are not our concern. They are less than a speck of dirt. What we need to focus on is reestablishing pure-blood family lines. Now, how do we gain control without killing? Use your heads.” 

“Capture,” I answer calmly. 

“And then?” Bellatrix asks me with a smile. 

“Put them in their rightful place, of course. Serving us. Our every whim and desire,” I answer, taking a sip of my bourbon. 

Bellatrix smiles and nods. “Yes, yes. Make them fight for us, serve us,” she ponders. “Very good, Mr. Riddle. I wish the others at this table shared your common sense.” 

My chest swells with pride, but I keep my face collected. 

“Now, let’s talk strategy,” Bellatrix says cheerfully.

Part One

[aftgficrec]

Hi!!! Do you have any recommendations for Kevin/Jeremy/Jean fics? Both more canon compliant ones or AUs are fine. Thanks!

I’m pleased to say there are some fabulous fics in our previous recs, and I found quite a lot more Kerejean for you here. - S

Previously recommended:

In the Light of Day here

‘when i kissed the teacher’, ‘Lap Sitting’ and ‘Spice the Eggnog Ch.8’ here

‘Daylight, Sunsets’ here

‘Belief’, ‘Our First Christmas’ and ‘Kerejean soulmate au’ here

‘Funeral Pyre’ here (updated)

‘Best of you’ here (updated)

‘To Be Certain We'll Be Tall Again’ here (completed)

‘Coming Home’ here

‘Enby Kevin/Kerejean Request’ here

text me (when you're home) by Anonymous [Rated T, 11007 words, incomplete, last updated Sept 2024]

After a summer of radio silence Jean finally reaches out to Kevin in form of a text. It goes from there. or a kevjerjean texting fic

'tis the damn season by footnotesforfoxes (y2beans) [Rated M, 7155 words, incomplete, last updated Aug 2024]

BREAKING NEWS - Exy star Kevin Day suffers extreme knee injury! Will he ever play again? Kevin Day, Jean Moreau, and Jeremy Knox have never been able to leave each other alone. That is until five years ago when Kevin chose his future in Exy over making a life for himself with a couple. After a career-altering injury, he is forced to face the mistakes of his past and find that love that still waits for him.

tw: negative self image

So Dark the Hunger, So Sweet the Ruin by NikNak22 [Rated M, 7233 words, complete, 2024]

This is a story about a boy, a monster, and a curse. It is about a sun, a moon, and some stars. It is about longing, words unspoken, and scars that never heal. It is about things scuttling around in the dark that should never be seen. It is about wanting something so badly that you would sacrifice everything to keep it safe. Even from yourself. Aka in a world where Kevin doesn't have a soul mark, what is the point of him falling in love?

tw: depression, tw: self esteem issues, tw: negative self talk, tw: implied/referenced suicide attempt

Haunting Spirits by fullyvisible [Rated T, 13637 words, complete, Daylight Savings Fest 2024]

Kevin's life is going wonderfully until the fifth anniversary of Riko's death catches him by surprise, and he realizes his happiness--and his sobriety--may be more precariously balanced than he had thought. Kevin is desperate to keep it together well enough to prevent anyone from noticing, but Jean and Jeremy know him better than most.

tw: alcoholism, tw: ptsd

Because, Despite, Still by codename_adler [Rated T, 11047 words, complete, Daylight Savings Fest 2024, locked]

"No matter what Jeremy thought he knew, no matter his meticulous observations and incessant pleas for Kevin to come and fix Jean, Kevin could see plainly that perhaps he should not have trusted the USC Captain on that one. Every time you show up on TV or any of us talk about you, he shuts his eyes for a few seconds. Like… Like he’s looking for you, inside himself. There’s nothing… There’s nothing else I can give him. I swear to you Kevin, I would if I did. I’m well aware this is most certainly going to get uglier before it gets better, but that’s a knife I can’t remove myself. Only you, Kevin. Only you. Please come home to him."

tw: implied/referenced abuse 

NB: you can find a link to a playlist for this fic on the author’s tumblr post

The "Ex" Protocol by KweenDay [Rated M, 14151 words, complete, Daylight Savings Fest 2024, locked]

Jeremy has heard about Jean's high school boyfriend, Kevin, of course, but he's not jealous. He doesn't get jealous over exes. Except... he didn't know ex-Kevin was THE Kevin Day, Exy royalty extraordinaire. And no, he's still not jealous... or obsessed with him. So what if he keeps finding a way for the three of them to be in the same room time and again? It's for research! Obviously.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced cult membership

In The Middle by KweenDay [Rated E, 6894 words, complete, 2024, locked]

Jean has always looked at his life in two segments - the one when he loved Kevin Day and both, pleasure and pain, were inextricably linked; and the one when he loved Jeremy Knox and he learned that loving someone could come without the threat of pain looming over his head. But in the past few months, both of those segments are bleeding into each other. The shadows of the past mixing with his present, and Jean thinks maybe this is a whole new chapter. Something different. Something good.

tw: explicit sexual content

Break the Ice by noNic02 [Rated E, 25396 words, incomplete, last updated Feb 2024]

Things are finally looking up for Jeremy Knox. He moved to a new city, he likes his university program, his roommates are great (mostly), and he started hooking up with one very attractive Jean Moreau. There's really only one problem - Jean's roommate hates him.

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: scars, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Tell me where it hurts most by xxhearttommo [Rated T, 1828 words, complete, 2024]

Jeremy is on a date with his boyfriends when he answers a call from his mother and finds out his father has passed away. Jeremy is hurting. Jean and Kevin help him get himself together and go through a rough patch.

tw: death of a parent

suneater by REDRAGEOUSED [Not Rated, 11371 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2024]

Jeremy reaches over and messes with Kevin’s hair, nails scratching his scalp lightly, and he leans into it hard, barely noticing it when he turns to whisper to Jean that “they should probably get him home.” Then the car is starting and Jeremy’s hand pulls back and this time, this time Kevin holds back the whine, but he’s still feeling fucking ridiculous because what grown man enjoys being pet. Kevin is not built for this, he is not built for affection and soft touches, he is built to be hit and bruised and pushed to his limits so this is just all fucking wrong. kevin day is desperate and fucked up and everything wrong with the world. he's not sure how they haven't realized yet.

tw: implied/referenced eating disorders, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse 

through numb lips by REDRAGEOUSED [Not Rated, 2494 words, complete, 2024]

Kevin isn’t really sure why they’re whispering, but given the way he has to swallow, thick and heavy, to answer, he thinks it's probably for the best. He says “I think- I think I’m high.” He doesn’t know why he says it like that, but then Jean, vaguely somewhere up laughs, and he’s glad he did. kevin day gets high & gives the best blowjob of his life

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: recreational drug use

Lagom by NikNak22 [Rated E, 19399 words, complete, 2023]

When his kingdom falls, Prince Kevin Day is ripped from his golden cage and thrust into reality. With no skills to speak of and his title gone, he has to work long and hard to learn how to survive. It is only through the grace of his teachers (or captors or liberators, depending on how one looks at it) that he has succeeded, allowing him a kind of freedom and self-sufficiency he's never known. Together, Jeremy, Jean, and Kevin form a tenuous bond of loyalty and obligation, allowing them to co-exist peacefully. It is a partnership built on mutual understanding and respect. One with clear lines and boundaries. One that reminds Kevin daily of his place. Until one day, it all starts to unravel.

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: self esteem issues

The Love We Unravel by fullyvisible [Rated T, 10049 words, complete, 2023]

Jeremy deserves a comfortable, safe life; Jean knows he can't give it to him - and neither can Kevin. But they don't consider whether Jeremy thinks they're a risk worth taking. Inspired by Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift.

Birthday Wishes by fullyvisible [Rated T, 2595 words, complete, 2023]

It's Jean's birthday, and he expects to spend it alone - which would be fine, if he hadn't gotten so used to spending his time with Jeremy and Kevin.

Beach Trip by fullyvisible [Rated T, 4592 words, complete, 2022]

When Jeremy finds out Kevin and Jean have never been to the beach, he decides to take them for a day in the sand, sun, and waves.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced scars

Optimiste by mitigates [Rated M, 28838 words, complete, 2022]

“Riko is- is dead. I am- I am- I am alive-” Jean sucked in a gasping breath that made his chest ache with the force of it. He gripped Kevin’s collar until his breaths calmed into a slow aftershock.  A soft gasp in the doorway revealed Jeremy’s presence. Jean turned on him, eyes flashing. He said the words harshly in French, “This does not concern you!” - or - Jean loses his memories after an accident. In his mind, he's barely survived Riko's last beating, Kevin left him alone at the Nest, and Jeremy is nothing more than a strange captain from another team.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: major character injury, tw: nightmares

can you show me how to make it true? by Flowerparrish [Rated E, 11071 words, complete, 2021, locked]

It’s not that Kevin and Jean don’t text. But one day, Kevin gets the text.

tw: implied/referenced alcohol abuse

doomsday by erosandhades [Rated T, 4810 words, complete, 2021]

He remembered every drink Kevin had thrown at him, then the shots, then moving to the next party, then Jean. He remembered thinking “fuck it”. He remembered doing three more shots with Kevin and two with Jean. Now, he didn’t remember how he got there. Or that tweet "one time at a party i kissed someone's girlfriend and to make sure he wasn't mad about it i just kissed him too... i blacked out and woke up to a text in a groupchat with both of them that said "did you make it home safe baby? <3"' but make it Kerejean.

One, two princes kneel before you by moonqueerdom [Rated T, 10084 words, complete, 2021]

Once upon a time, on a cold, dark night in the Central Court of Arcane, the annual winter masked ball was held. Faeries danced majestically all over the place, for the song being played by a charming group of faeries was enchanted (more literally than not) and the folk wouldn't miss the opportunity to celebrate the solstice. The winter flowers were blooming inside the castle with all the magic bursting from the Land and from the folk, and snow was falling outside the transparent plasma-gloss walls. And, last but not least, two princes and a guard were about to meet among all those partying people. A fairy tale about three faeries who meet at a masquerade ball and accidentally start a new folklore. And they're a chaotic mess.

Ask me to kneel by moonqueerdom [Rated E, 15404 words, complete, 2020]

Jeremy Knox meets Jean Moreau and Kevin Day in a BDSM club after some time without seeing them and finds that they have quite a Dom/sub dynamic that interests him immediately

tw: explicit sexual content

Stuck With U by moonqueerdom [Rated M, 21198 words, complete, 2020]

Jeremy and Jean go to Denver and stay at Kevin's apartment, but then the quarantine starts and they are forced to spend much more time than they expected in the city. And at Kevin's apartment.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: anxiety, tw: implied/referenced suicide, tw: alcohol abuse

Art

cuddly kerejean by @ohsleepie on X

cold weather is better if you have two boyfriends to be your personal heaters🧡❤️💛 by @princesoleil29

highkey in love w them ? by @redrageoused

I’m supposed to be working but I needed everyone to see my vision by @thepriceofsurvival

Hockey is rotting my brain , but so is Kerejean  by @jeremy-knoxs-on-wood

[beecha]

welcome to the Gremlin Kingdom

'ello! I'm an artist and i'm trying to become an animator, game dev, and musician!!! there's only silly art, stupid comments, and FOOD here

(all art done on ibisPaint, Kleki, or Sketchpad)

here's where I post some of my art (sometimes) and other text posts and here's some stuff i'd like you to know before you continue:

I'm a minor. no NSFW or weird stuff, ok?

some of my stuff contains mild blood, sexual jokes, swearing, etc. i'll TW this, but just keep that in mind. (full list of potential cw/tw's below)

my stuffs PG-13, so if you're under this age DNI! ik that it's annoying but promise me, you'll be glad you listened

I have trouble with tone so tone tags are appreciated (but not required)

also no homo/transphobia, racism, sexism, bla blah you know. basic rules here.

that's it! have fun and enjoy your stay :D

LIST OF WARNINGS: ⚠

for OC's: slight sexual content, slight self harm, heavy abuse, mild blood + gore, mild weaponry and religious imagery (more specific below)

for my posts: vents, passive suicidal urges, mood swings, no focus, dieting

SPECIFICS:

Quyen: sexual abuse, burn out, abusive/manipulative relationships, heavy death/blood, guns, fighting, masochism

Kamon: heavy abuse, unhealthy relationships, sexual themes, manipulation, alcohol, sadism

Truth: religious trauma and imagery, uncanny valley, implied murder/death, suicide, delusional thinking, kneeling, self-harm

Dung: obsessive, mood swings, sleep deprivation, sexual jokes, needles

Hoa/Creator: dehumanization, manipulation, gaslighting, sadomasochism, heavy gore and body horror, possession

Toxoplasma: angst, self harm, possession, body horror, bright colors/epilepsy warning

Marie: tiger parenting, self-gaslighting, repressed trauma

Chromium: idol culture, depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide attempt, posing, sleep deprivation, doxxing

(any character not included on this list either doesn't have anything to trigger warning or is not my own so I will TW them by themselves if I post about them)

[proshippers-against-censorship]

I hate when anti's try to suggest better coping mechanisms: (tw mentions of, sh and suicide and possibly sa idk where the line goes from implied to mentioned, word "you" not aimed at anyone specific)

"get therapy" I've been in therapy once for something unrelated and constantly lied. I don't know why but lying feels like an instinct sometimes, it's something I'm trying my best to work on but my best bet on why I was doing it then is because seeing people worried about me makes me want to commit.

"listen to music" I do. It's a temporary distraction, and half the time not even that. I've hurt myself listening to music. It does not do shit to help.

"physical activity" I am very heavy on my feet so when I do stuff, and my parents work full time from home so if I try indoors I cause issues, and it's British autumn getting to winter so outdoors is not a reliable option, and even in summer it feels far too hot for me to function. Also the feeling of sweat makes me want to skin myself alive.

"meditate" I am autistic, anxious, possibly ADHD. You fucking expect me to clear my head. You fucking expect me to have a calm moment without starting to think about everything bad in my life and how it's all my fault.

"age regression" I do involuntarily and it doesn't help.

And more on getting therapy, that would involve telling my parents. Which would involve saying all the complicated and difficult stuff that makes me want to end myself out loud, I've told one friend and even then I had to send it to them through text even tho we were right next to eachother because saying it out loud feels impossible. And my parents won't let me text things to them if it can be said out loud.

Most coping mechanisms they suggest would need my parents help at some level to at least attempt

"Go on a walk" doesn't help, gives me more time to overthink.

"Talk to friends" I have one friend I feel close enough to discuss that with and I barely see them anymore so when I do see then the last thing I want to be doing is talking about something as serious as this.

"Gardening" British weather, very small garden, it's getting to autumn, it would raise too many questions from my parents, I don't know how to ask for stuff.

"Just distract yourself" you understand distractions are temporary. And the moment they go away it'll go back to how everything always is.

I just need them to understand I have something that for once I think has a chance of helping. Even if it is unhealthy it's far more healthy than cutting myself, imagining my own death or sitting on my windowsill and thinking about jumping.

.

[ashthewaterghoul]

All Of My Fears Combined, Walking The Thinnest Of Lines - A DewTher One Shot

“Oh, great. So, I have to leave you and your deteriorating body behind for months at a time, some new Quint cunt with me 24/7, and come back to find you dead in our nest?” Dew said. “Dew, we can plan a date and time for it. We can plan every detail so it’s exactly how we want it.” Aether tried to assure. “We? I don’t want this. I don’t want you to want this.” Dew nearly yelled, his eyes each a raging inferno. “And I don’t want my vessel failing but, hey-ho, this is fucking life for us!” Aether couldn’t help his own volume raising now, “I want to die with dignity, on my own terms, with my pack, at the very least my mate at my side. Is that so much to ask for?!” “The way you’re asking for it is!” Dew shouted. Or, Aether starts to notice certain things about his vessel and his time here on Earth. When he tries to discuss it and what he wants with his mate, it goes about as well as anyone would expect...

Words: 2,015.

Rating: Mature.

Tags: Angst, whump, hurt/no comfort, discussions of assisted suicide, implied/referenced suicide, mentioned Zephyr, Ifrit and Mountain, also mentioned Zephrit, Dew can't handle his emotions, arguing, difficult discussions, unhappy ending.

TW for talking about someone else's suicide, watching a loved one basically go through hospice care and slowly die, talks of assisted suicide.

A/n: Soz lads. I needed to write more unhappy endings bc I always give my stuff nicer(ish) endings. Anyway, have this. All the hugs for Aether.

Title from 'Apartment 402' by girl in red.

~~~

    Aether had been topside for a while. His soul had been in his vessel for nearly ten years now and he certainly could feel it, especially after this last tour. He was tired all the time, aching after the simplest of tasks, little bumps and cuts healed slower, and there was a constant bit of anxiety churning in his stomach that signalled what he’d been dreading.

    His vessel was starting to fail.

    The Ghouls’ vessels are bodies of departed humans, given new purpose by housing a summoned soul. The Ghoul’s infernal magic stopped any of the natural decay and carved out a space for itself. A form to walk amongst the humans with. But all Ghouls know it won’t last forever, and there had never been a successful attempt at permanently binding a Ghoul to a vessel.

    Aether didn’t need to go to the infirmary and get looked over. He knew it in his bones that his time on Earth was starting to come to close. Quintessence Ghouls were some of the hardest Ghouls to keep bound to a vessel after all; their cosmic-fuelled powers do not like to be contained to such a small form.

    As Aether realised what he would become as his vessel continued to fail, a husk with his soul trapped inside until the body well and truly gave out and released his soul, he knew what he wanted. In his head, he had decided on it. But his heart needed his mate to agree first.

Read below the cut or on ao3

    Aether knew there was no good way to approach Dewdrop about this and there would never be a “good time” but he did his best and shot Dew a text just as he would be signing out from his duties.

    *Hey, I need to have a not-so-nice talk with you. Don’t worry, it’s not about us, it’s about me. I just want your support on something xxx*

    He figured it was as good as he was going to get and sent it. What felt like not even a minute later, Dew was through the door to their bedroom and concern plastered all over his face.

    “What is it? What’s wrong?” He said breathlessly, a rosy blush on his cheeks telling Aether he mostly likely sprinted down.

    “Hi, Dewy.” Aether said, “Um, I- I think we need to sit down.” Aether said nervously, gently guiding his mate so they were both sat on the edge of their nest facing each other.

    “What’s happening? You’re worrying me, Stardust.”

    Aether sighed and fidgeted with Dew’s bony fingers, “I, uh, have some news. And it’s not good.”

    Dew’s face was plastered with worry as Aether found his words.

    “The last tour has completely drained me. More than normal. It’s been a couple months since we got back and I feel barely any better. It’s like I could never ever sleep enough to satisfy how exhausted I still feel from the first Ritual of the tour.” Aether took a deep breath, “I started thinking about my time on Earth and I know why I feel like this.”

    Dew’s face had steadily been dropping with realisation as Aether went on.

    “No.” Dew practically whispered, as if saying it out loud made it any more real than it already was.

    “Dewy, my vessel is failing.” Aether’s voice shook as he said it aloud for the first time.

    “H- how? I thought we had more time.” Dew’s eyes started welling up.

    “It’s nearly been a decade, that’s more time than a lot of Quints get. And it’s not over yet. If my thoughts are right, I have another two and a half years, maybe three until…” Aether trailed off, not quite being able to bring himself to say what would eventually happen.

    “Oh, Aeth-“ Dew cut himself off by throwing his arms around his mate’s neck. Silently praying to everyone he could think of for more time.

    Aether hugged Dew back fiercely, taking deep inhales of the burnt driftwood and cinnamon scent of his mate. But he knew this conversation had to go on.

    “Waterlily? There’s something else.” He said as he loosened his hold.

    “Satan’s fucking cunt, what?” Dew said, tears streaking down his cheeks.

    Aether took a deep breath, knowing what he was about to say was a difficult memory for them both, “You remember how Zephyr got? When their vessel was failing?”

    Dew’s face turned even more solemn at the mention of their lost Air Ghoul, and everything that came after.

    “Yeah, how could we ever forget?” Dew’s voice was heavy with the weight that time in their lives still carried.

    “They way they were, towards the end. Locked inside their vessel, couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything. Even before then, all the pain and confusion. I don’t want to end up like that.” Aether said.

    “Baby, I know but we can’t stop that.” Dew said regretfully, taking one of Aether’s hands in both of his, massaging his knuckles and tracing the veins.

    “I refuse to let you become my carer. You’re my mate, not the person who’s meant to shove a bedpan under me and my shell of a body.”

    “We all knew it would happen, whether it was me or you first. I accepted it as part of my job when we mated.”

    “I know, and it’s what I would’ve done for you if you were first. But I’m not letting it get that far.”

    Realisation dawned onto Dew’s face yet again. And Aether’s hand was dropped.

    “No.” Dew shook his head, eyes starting to come alight with lone embers, “No! How could you even think that? After Ifrit’s already ki-“ The words got lost on Dew’s tongue. It was hard for all of them to think about.

    “It’s because of what Ifrit did that I want to do it like this.” Aether said, trying to reach for Dew’s hand, but he bolted up out of the nest and stood in front of Aether.

    “I don’t know how the fuck you ever thought I’d be okay with this!” Dew shouted.

    “Dew, please, I don’t want to die like Zephyr did. And I don’t want you to go through what Ifrit did!” Aether said, trying his best not raise his own voice.

    “I want to. I want to care for you, the same way you already did for me after my elemental transition! Zephyr managed to enjoy their time as their vessel failed, why can’t you?”

    “Because I am in pain every. Fucking. Day.” Aether said, “Zephyr’s vessel was faulty from the get-go. Their joints, their lungs. They never knew what it was like to live pain free and well-rested and fucking normal. I hurt all over my body all the time, and I’m always tired. Dew, I’m so fucking tired.” Aether’s voice started to get choked on his tears.

    “So, this is your solution?” Dew spat, “Re-traumatise me all over again when I’m still not over Ifrit?”

    “Dew, that’s not fair.” Aether said, fully offended by his mate thinking he was doing this on purpose.

    “This isn’t fair, Aether. How is this any different to what Ifrit did?” Dew said, hands waving around and begging for an answer he probably wouldn’t listen to.

    “Because Ifrit did what he did out of depression!” Aether stood from the nest too, “He had been so caught up in caring for Zephyr as they wasted away and lost all ability to do anything that he couldn’t find his purpose again after they died! Mix that with the depression of losing your mate, and you get that. I want to do this because I want to go out on my own terms, while I’m still me.”

    “Aether, I found Ifrit. I’m not finding you too.” Dew said, the embers in his eyes had steadily been stoked by his anger until now they were raging flames.

    “I know, baby, I remember. I found you in his room after you screamed out, didn’t I? But there’s a way they can do it with meds. It won’t be anything like Ifrit. We can do it here in the nest, or wherever. It would just be like I was falling asleep.” Aether said.

    “But you won’t wake up. Then what am I meant to do?”

    Aether just shrugged and shook his head as more tears fell.

    “I can’t believe you.” Dew continued, “Can’t believe you’d just give up like this. Make me and Mount the only ones left of our old pack. Why couldn’t we just try that ritual to bond you to the vess-“

    “No. Absolutely not.” Aether said firmly, “That ritual can go wrong in dozens of ways. At best, it does nothing. At worst, the vessel gets wrecked even more than it’s already starting out to be and I’m locked into it. Either way we’re back at square-fucking-one.” Aether let out a deep breath and ran his hand over his face, “Look, I’ve already resigned from the band-“

    “You resigned from the band?” Dew cut in, “And you didn’t think to fucking tell me first? Copia finds out your vessel’s dying before your mate, is that how this works?”

    “No, I only resigned. I said nothing other than I felt like shit that whole tour and after and don’t want to do it again. You’re the only one I’ve spoken to about my vessel.” Aether said truthfully.

    “Oh, great. So, I have to leave you and your deteriorating body behind for months at a time, some new Quint cunt with me 24/7, and come back to find you dead in our nest?” Dew said.

    “Dew, we can plan a date and time for it. We can plan every detail so it’s exactly how we want it.” Aether tried to assure.

    “We? I don’t want this. I don’t want you to want this.” Dew nearly yelled, his eyes each a raging inferno.

    “And I don’t want my vessel failing but, hey-ho, this is fucking life for us!” Aether couldn’t help his own volume raising now, “I want to die with dignity, on my own terms, with my pack, at the very least my mate at my side. Is that so much to ask for?!”

    “The way you’re asking for it is!” Dew shouted.

    “Dew, please, just try and see it from my side.” Aether pleaded forcing his voice quieter again, “You remember how Zeph was. Hell, how you were after your transition. I refuse to be like that. And I refuse to let you get to the point that Ifrit did. You may say that you’d have the pack, that none of them would let you do that. But we said the same about our Fritter.”

    Dew’s shoulders shook with sobs he was holding back, his Adam’s apple bobbing furiously, “I can’t, Aeth.”

    “It’s not going to be anytime soon. I’m hoping for at least a year and a half, maybe two before it has to become a serious thought, but I needed to discuss it with you.” Aether tried to reach for Dew but he recoiled as if he’d been burned.

    “I can’t fucking do this. I can’t fucking believe you.” Dew said, shaking his head and wiping his nose on his sleeve.

    “Please, Waterlily, I-“

    “Don’t Waterlily me!” Dew snarled, “I can’t. I fucking-“

    Dew span on his heel and started making his way to the door.

    “Dew, please! Baby, I-“

    But the door slammed as Dew left.

    And Aether broke.

    In an instant, he crashed down onto his already-aching knees. He cried his eyes out, falling forward onto all-fours before slumping to the floor in the foetal position. His knees were hugged tight to his chest as he sobbed. He cried at the situation, at the leftover trauma of Zephyr and Ifrit’s untimely deaths, at Dew’s reaction.

  �� Loneliness inside his own mind was the one thing he didn’t want, and sure enough, he had just that. Part of him, part of him he instantly detested, prayed that he’d just die now. At least then he wouldn’t have to live with the pain of his mate storming out and leaving him.

One shot master post can be found here!

[thevegandarkelf]

Finding Myself, Finding You: Chapter Two

Masterlist

AO3 link

Story is 18+ for mature content/themes, minors do not interact please

TW/CWs for this story--implied/referenced past rape, canonical violence, non-canonical violence, blood, gore, referenced past suicide, swearing, surgery, excessive drinking, nightmares, vomiting, amputation, medical procedures, non-con medical procedures, referenced past medical torture, referenced past drugging, attempted sexual assault, panic attacks, mental health struggles, referenced sibling death, referenced parent death

Each chapter will have its own TW/CWs listed

This story, Lydia Vector, her family & bestie (c) me, TheVeganDarkElf

TWD & its characters (c) AMC & Robert Kirkman, the writer of the comic series

TW/CWs for this chapter--swearing, mention of amputation

Word count: 2.1k

Aaron and I stayed in that shed for probably two hours. He told me about his S.O. Eric and how they got separated, how he hoped that Eric had made it back safely. He told me about some of the people in Alexandria, how this large group of ragtag misfits had come together to form one giant family. There was power and water and food and shelter.

Alexandria sounded like a dream.

At some point, he took a lengthy nap, which I used as time to write. During my residency and throughout this last year and a half, the only hobby I had & thing that managed to keep me semi-sane was writing. I came to love writing poetry in med school & had journals upon journals filled to the brim with my work stuffed into my bedroom closet on a small shelf. I wish I could have brought even a few of them with me.

After he woke up, I gave him some more of my water and a little bit of my food. He pulled at the corner of the silver bag, stopping to read the text on the front.

“Is this fucking freeze-dried ice cream?” Aaron asked, laughing as he tore the corner off the bag.

“My dad was an astronaut. You don’t wanna know how much of that shit was stacked in closets in his office. I took all that would fit into my backpack before I started making my way out here,” I responded. He pulled the small, hard Neapolitan brick out of the bag, taking a bite out of the corner.

“Can I be frank?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“This tastes like shit,” he chuckled. I laughed in response.

“It does, but it’s food. I’ve been living off of that for the last year and a half. And any random cans I’ve found along the way,” I said, “I haven’t kept track of time, but it feels like it’s been months since I had food that wasn’t freeze-dried.”

“Well, once we get back, we’ll get you taken care of,” he told me. I suppressed my squee of joy and instead let it spread across my face in a gigantic grin.

After a little more time talking, he seemed like he had gotten enough strength back to slowly head back to Alexandria. I grabbed my spear and put it under my arm, propping myself up onto my feet.

“Alright, we’re gonna get you on your…” I caught the word I was going to say in my mouth, “foot…and take as long as we need to get back. Is there any chance some people could be sent out looking for you?” I put my arm around him again, and he put his weight onto his foot to push himself into a standing position. He then distributed his weight between his foot and on me.

“I mean, there’s a chance, but only if Eric made it back and told them what happened,” he told me. I unsheathed my spear to use as a walking stick, the sharp end pointing to the sky. We hobbled slowly to the door, and I had him stop and rest on a table.

“Let me make sure it’s clear.” I swung the door open and walked the perimeter of the small shed, listening and making sure there weren’t any Walkers nearby. I found a large stick on the ground for Aaron to use, picking it up and bringing it back to him. “Here, use this.” He took it in his free hand and gave me a nod. I grabbed him again, and after slipping through the door, I let him lead the way to the road.

“So you’ve obviously got medical skills. What’s your combat experience like?”

We hobbled along the road, me telling him about my brothers and my family and how I’d been alone all this time. Never had a group. There was the occasional Walker, which I would take care of with my spear. It was a peaceful walk for the most part.

After a couple of hours, I could see a wall through the trees. Aaron’s face lit up, as did mine. The two people on either side of what I assumed was the front gate raised their guns in our direction, keeping them poised. After we were out of the trees, they dropped their weapons when they realized it was Aaron.

“He’s back!” one of them shouted. One of them signaled to someone I couldn’t see, and they started opening the gate. A blonde man slipped through the small gap in the gate like butter and began running over.

“Eric!” Aaron yelled, starting to pick up his pace a little. Eric ran over at mach speed, embracing Aaron in a vice grip the second they touched. I pushed forward on Aaron to keep both of them from falling over. One of the two started making their way towards us, the other walking off towards the side to the trees. I was so enamored by Eric and Aaron that I didn’t even see him coming up behind me.

“No, no she’s with me!” Aaron screamed behind him. Before I could fully process what was happening, the back of my head was struck, the pain vibrating across my face and down my neck. I could feel myself falling forward, and everything turned black before I hit the ground.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I slowly opened my eyes. Wherever I was was very bright, and the light was blinding. The back of my head was pulsating, each throb matching my heartbeat. I was sat upright, I could tell that much. After several rounds of blinking, I was able to open my eyes.

“She’s awake,” I heard a man’s voice say. It took a moment for my eyes to focus, but when they did, I realized I was in some kind of small cell. The first thing I noticed was a man sitting in front of me. He was leaned back in a chair, one leg propped up onto the other. He looked cool as a cucumber as he held his crossbow up, pointed right at me.

His voice was like gravel in my ears. And I liked it.

I practically fell over jumping up to my feet, putting my hands up at my sides. I backed up into the far corner. Looking around the room, I saw a few more people come in, each one taking a seat either in a chair or on a set of steps.

“Ya got other weapons on ya, sunshine?” the man with the crossbow asked me. I chuckled a little. I was wearing a black cropped tank and a skort where a portion of the front skirt part was missing. My clothes were small and fitted, so I don’t know where else they thought I could store a weapon.

“Look at me,” I said, shaking my hips a little and twirling in a circle, “where could I possibly store another weapon, up my p—“

The three women in the group giggled at my comment. “Shut up and sit down,” another man instructed. This one was wearing a cowboy hat and had a star-shaped badge pinned to his chest. The way this man spoke indicated that he was some sort of authority figure in this group.

“Could call it a pussy knife,” I said under my breath as I sat down on the small bench against the back wall of the cell.

“You’re gonna start with telling us who you are and what happened to Aaron,” he instructed. I leaned back and folded my arms across my chest, examining the group. There was the one with the crossbow, the sheriff with an attitude, a woman with grey hair, an Asian guy, another woman with short hair who looked around my age or a little older, and a Black woman with dreads, probably also not much older than me.

“What’s your name, cowboy?” I asked the sheriff, sass lacing my voice, “y’know, so I can address you properly.”

“Rick,” he told me, “Rick Grimes.”

“Well Rick, have you talked to Aaron yet?”

“You’ll give us your story first, then we’ll make sure it matches his.”

“Can I have my stuff back?”

“You might get it back, depending on whether or not I like your answer.” I met his gaze and sighed.

Fuck cops.

“I’m Vector, and I think I’m 32, depending on what month it is. I’m a trauma surgeon. Well, I had a month left of my residency when…all of this started. I was at Johns Hopkins for my residency and going home to see family for vacation. I had hardly left the hospital when people started evacuating. I decided to drive all the way back home where I found out that one of brothers had already lost his life. I, umm…”

I paused, trying to find my wording without letting my emotions get the best of me, “had to put him out of his misery. After some wandering, I found out about Alexandria, and…here I am. Got lucky enough to find Aaron. He got bit, by the way. I had just woken up and he was getting attacked nearby, which I saved him from. You’re welcome. I carry medical supplies on me, so I got him to safety, amputated his foot, patched him up, and here we are.”

“He said you gave him food and water?” Rick said. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

“So you have talked to him?” I scoffed, “and yes I did. I could’ve just killed him, or taken his stuff and ran, but I didn’t. Because I’m a doctor, and he needed help. That’s what I do.” There was a silence that hovered over us for what felt like ages. It felt like they were reading me, trying to gauge whether or not I was telling the truth. Meanwhile, the one with the crossbow hadn’t let up once.

“What kind of doctor did you say you were?” the woman with the grey hair asked.

“I’m a trauma surgeon. I was working in the ER before all this. I amputated limbs, put limbs back on, did organ transplants. I saw gunshot wounds, third-degree burns. You name it, I’ve probably done it,” I explained, “actually, my plan after completing my residency and getting a few years under my belt was to eventually join Doctors Without Borders, but now we’re here.”

“That’s uh…wow, that’s really commendable,” Rick stated, a small smile crossing his face. I nodded. “Do you have a group that would be looking for you?”

“No, I’ve never had a group. Just me, the pack on my back, and my own thoughts,” I explained, pointing to my head. The group looked surprised by what I said.

“You’ve survived by yourself this whole time?” he asked me, sounding surprised. I nodded.

“Never wanted to join anyone. I had my heart set on Alexandria from the moment I heard about it. Sometimes I would come across people, like I did Aaron, and I would offer my medical services and take off. Never really stuck around one place for too long.”

“Well that’s very trusting of you,” Rick commented, “how has that worked out?” I bit my lip to keep myself from wincing at the memories from that day.

“Well, for the most part,” I said. I rubbed at the rope scars on my wrists in a way that I hoped was discreet, “I mean, I’ve made it this long on my own, right?”

“What are your combat skills like?” he questioned. I had to suppress my laughter.

“I grew up with three older brothers…all Navy SEALs…they taught me everything they knew.” I leaned forward between the bars, locking eyes with Rick. “I’ll let you guess how my combat skills are.” The man with the crossbow made a face, though I couldn’t decipher what it meant. Rick seemed to take notice.

“Would you like her to demonstrate, Daryl?”

“Yeah, would you like me to demonstrate, Daryl?” I smirked, “I could kick you in the balls, bring you to your knees, and knee you in the face. Don’t need to be a Navy SEAL to know how to do that.”

“I like her,” the woman with the short hair said, laughing.

“Ya just tiny s’all,” Daryl commented. His Southern drawl and gravel-laced voice made me weak, though I didn’t let it show.

“I’m like 5’7”, I am not tiny,” I retorted, “and can you tell him to stop pointing that thing at me? I’m clearly not going to hurt anyone from in here.” Rick nodded to Daryl, who finally lowered his bow. “Thank you.” He then turned to the Asian man to his left, who got up and came over toward my cell, unlocking it and swinging the door open. I hesitated for a moment before stepping out, scanning my eyes across the group.

“Sooooo…does this mean I get to stay?” I asked, a small but enthusiastic smile crossing my face, “I promise I’ll be useful. Sassy, but useful.”

“Yes,” Rick said, “Welcome to Alexandria.”

[insoukokuhell-434]

Angst with a Happy Ending - skk fics

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link)

Angst related to ( )

Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

Recovery - rutu14

Chuuya in Emotional & Physical Pain

Dazai in Emotional Pain

Dazai's Self-harm

11.4k 22 SKK (Post Dead Apple) Hurt/Comfort Post-Corruption, Angst, Confessions, Soft Dazai Osamu (or at least as soft as he can be), Reconciliation, Getting together, First kiss, Literal sleeping together TW -  Implied Chronic Pain, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction

my soul is too much charged with blood of thine- soupthatistoohot

Past Break-up

Soukoku in Emotional Pain

Dazai's Depression

10.4k TEEN & 23 SKK (AU) AU - No Powers, After College/University, High School Exes to Lovers, Chance Meetings, Post-Break Up, Past SKK but also present ;),  Getting Back Together, vaguely, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Texting, reconnecting, Dazai is a Mess, Caring Dazai, as caring as he can be y'know how he is, Guarded Dazai,  that man can't be vulnerable for the life of him, Chuuya Is So Done, Caring Chuuya, skk’s Unconventional Mating Rituals, Macbeth Spoilers, I can't believe I have to tag that

Sleep Warm Tonight - bluemango0406

Dazai's Defection

Dazai & Chuuya in Emotional Pain

16.6k ALL AGES (16-22) Canon Compliant Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Dazai is a Mess, Soft Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Hurt Chuuya, theres a lot they need to figure out between them, Dazai Takes Care of Chuuya, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lack of Communication, they need to learn to talk about their feelings more, Underage Drinking, Christmas fic

I'll Always Come for Chuuya - Anonymous

Soukoku Fight

Chuuya in Emotional & Physical Pain

Dazai in Emotional Pain

11.5k MAFIA SKK Some Dazai & Oda, Jealous Chuuya, Dazai Being An Idiot, Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Lack of Communication, Chuuya Uses Corruption, Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Dazai Takes Care of Chuuya, Confessions, Soft skk, they're more best friends than frenemies in this one

I think he knows - sanguinekitten

Dazai’s Depression

Chuuya in Emotional Pain

Soukoku Fight

5.2k ALL AGES Canon Compliant Angst, 5+1 Things, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Dazai needs a hug...and some medical attention

pages stained with crimson ink - soupthatistoohot

Dazai's Depression

ALL AGES 5k Birthday Presents, Birthday Tradition, Post-Corruption Ability Use, Retrospective, 5+1 Things, Getting Together, Sort Of, Dazai's depression

For One Day - StarshipDancer

"Unrequited" Love

Soukoku in Emotional Pain

Soukoku Fight

15.9K 22 (AU) AU - Modern Setting Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Misunderstandingsm Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, First Kiss, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Soft skk, POV Chuuya, POV Oda, Curry References TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions  

believe me darling, the stars were made for falling -communist_sasuke

Dazai’s Depression, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt

14.6k MAFIA & 22 SKK Worried Chuuya, Love Confessions, Dazai is a Mess, Angst, Self-Harm , Fluff & Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon timeline, First Kiss TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions , Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt

Run Away With Me - Anonymous

Dazai's Grief

5.3k Dark Era Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts, Soft Soukoku, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai Has Feelings, Pining, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Kissing, Dazai asks Chuuya to run away with him

A Stupid Question - writingfromtheshadows

Dazai's Grief

Soukoku Argue

5.8k 18 SKK (Dark Era) AU - Canon Divergence Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Light Angst, Fluff

Summary - “Chuuya,” Dazai’s voice tugs Chuuya out of his thoughts, “I’m leaving the Port Mafia as soon as I can after tonight. I want you to come with me.”

Unmarked - rubydragonz

Dazai in Emotional Pain

2.7k ALL AGES AU - soulmates Soulmates, Miscommunication, Dazai being An Idiot, First Kiss, minor Oda/Ango, minor sskk, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, This is funny but like at Dazais expense

dreaming of flight - orphan_account

Soukoku Fight

3.8 k  MAFIA SKK Fluff, Arguments, Suicide Attempt, angst and fluff

Please like/reblog if this helped u find a fic, I'd be delighted to know <33

Angst & Fluff fics

Soukoku Fic Rec Masterlist

[pbpsbff]

my fics

peterparkersbff on ao3

Peter Parker’s Guide to: Texting, Twitter, and Tony Stark (chatfic/twitter fic, peter & tony centric)

Lean On My Pride, I’m a Lion (a written out scene from the chatfic)

be mean to me (if you need to be mean) (peter’s mom lives, but in turn he has mommy issues)

Rivers and Roads (Rivers Till I Reach You) (zombie apocalypse, no powers au, tony, rhodey, & peter centric series)

Three's a Family (may parker/sam wilson series, centers on peter’s feelings of grief and coping with change)

Parkner Potato Saga (peter parker/harley keener)

peterparkersbff's Whumptober 2023 (exactly what it says on the tin)

You Just Seem Oh-So-Far (Past the Stars and Past My Heart) (irondad&spiderson hurt/comfort, tw suicide attempt)

Hope Is for Presidents, and Dreams Are for People who Are Sleeping (irondad&spiderson hurt/comfort)

It’s an Effed-Up World, but It’s a Two-Player Game! (irondad&spiderson (mostly) fluff, ned leeds mentioned)

Is Close the Closest Star? (irondad&spiderson hurt/comfort, underaged drug use & implied/referenced suicidal thoughts)

I Knew My Skin That Wrapped My Frame Wasn’t Made to Play This Game (irondad&spiderson, tw bulimia, hurt/minimal comfort)

[angstyandromanticwriting]

Regina George X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute, and Fluffy Prompt [Full Version + Part 1 due to Tumblr text block limit]

• Takes place after the occurrence of the film [2024 ver. with Reneé Rapp]

• Some mild changes made to some elements of the story

• This is the entirety of the prompt/instalment, as promised!

• There will be more!

!TW: Being stuck in a toxic relationship, insult(s), mention of previously being kidnapped, implied suffering from PTSD + Depression + Separation Anxiety + Anxiety in general, mention of previously being abused (physically and verbally) + injury detail, jealousy, mention of divorce + poor relationship with family/family members, elements of self-doubt + presence of self put-downs, panic-attacks/mention of them, swearing, presence of weaponry, threat(s), suicide attempt(s) + suicidal intentions + consideration, implied/mention of previous elements of homophobia, mention of having nightmares linked to trauma, drug-taking (medication), mention of substance abuse (alcohol addiction), mention of miscarrying, breaking up, sense of drowning - if I’ve missed any, let me know!

Birds’ Eye View/Heart’s Desire

“Are you done, or-?” You inquired, raising your eyebrows, after Regina threw another line of insults at you; you’d told her to rant, seeing she needed it, but…

“No,” she answered, without hesitation, even though she appeared a little exasperated, wincing, before she looked away from you, and sighed heavily, knowing she shouldn’t get you involved with all that was currently frustrating her following her recent arguments with her boyfriend, Shane Olman, especially when you didn’t even know him, and hadn’t ever talked to him, only a recent student at Northshore High School, managing to take on Senior Year after you’d been expelled from your last school. “Yes,” she added, barely audibly, and you would appear surprised, not expecting such an answer from her as you tilted your head partially, a pained as well as skeptical expression on your face; you didn’t want her to feel as if she couldn’t talk to you about all that was burdening her the way you feared she did, hoping against hope - however - at the same time, that she had instead managed to clear her mind a little, until she crumpled, and looked up at you again with a hurt look on her face before she said ‘no’, her voice softer than you’d ever heard it before. “N-No, I’m not, I-.. I’m-..” She shrugged, before awkwardly bowing her head, and you would nod gravely, smiling sadly over at her, before you timidly inched closer to her to gently squeeze her shoulder, prompting her to express relief, her heart skipping a beat, before she glanced up at you again, and felt strong enough to continue just by having her gaze lock with your own in the best way possible. “I hate you,” she spat, her gaze never leaving your’s, whilst you couldn’t help, but smirk in her direction, amused though you knew you shouldn’t be, but it didn’t stop your heart from aching as you wondered who had hurt her the way you could tell that they had, before she’d come back to your Uncle’s ranch with you. “Y-You stink, and I hope an air conditioner falls on you,” she added sharply, clearly through gritted teeth, whilst you appeared taken aback - of all things you thought she might say, that was one of the least you’d been expecting to hear, but it still made you have to fight back a giggle regardless of how it had shocked you, at first, “okay.” She drew in another shallow breath, before releasing it through her nose like you’d told her to, just to try and calm her down when she’d almost broken one of the mucking up shovels you and her had been using to tidy up the horses’ stalls here. “Okay, I - I think I’m-.. I think I’m done, now,” she stated, and you would almost feel disappointed, though at the same time of course you were relieved to know that she seemed at least somewhat relieved, now that she’d slung out yet another insult in your direction, though she wasn’t directing anything of what she meant toward you; she couldn’t.

The thought startled her, just for a moment, as she winced again, and forced a smile in your direction, trying to hide that such a small thing had flustered her the way nothing else ever had before.

“That’s good,” you stated, and she would hesitate, before nodding, and smiling softly over at you, this time the smile was genuine; it was hard not to allow the corners of her lips to curve upward whenever she was around you, “that’s always good - so-.. are you ready to talk about it, now?”

She would appear taken aback by your question, her smile faltering a little, before she awkwardly cleared her throat, and nodded slowly, though you could tell she was reluctant to discuss what had been happening between her and Shane recently.

“I guess,” she answered, and you would smile warmly back at her, glad that she felt able to talk about such things with you - it even made you feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, like a sense of pride was washing over you in response to your hope that she seemed to trust you, just as much as you trusted her, and somehow had ever since you’d first met her that day; the day she’d first been sent here by her mother to distract her, and take her mind off of the tense situation between her and Shane, before you’d even started at Northshore High. “But - if we’re gonna talk about it,” she began again, and you would tense up for a moment, wondering what she might be about to say, next; you were always terrified that maybe something bad would happen - that maybe she would up, and abandon you, though you couldn’t imagine why. You always put such dread up to how you’d been kidnapped, and abused the way you and, a few years ago now; you were quite young when it happened, and the nights you’d spent screaming and crying had never left your mind, especially not at night, where your nightmares were at their most vivid moments. For a moment, you remembered your kidnapper coming in to kick at your side for how you’d tried to call your home, after successfully sneaking out of his basement, but that wasn’t the worst of the punishment; he spent every night after that breaking each and every one of your fingers, and he would have moved onto your wrist, or toes, if the police didn’t locate you when they did. You winced at the memory, but you wouldn’t let her see the pain in your eyes as you bowed your head, before she could lock eyes with you again, making her heart sink a little as soon as she realised she wouldn’t be able to lock eyes with you again, if you didn’t lift your head the way you had, before, trying to act as if you were distracted by the next pile of dung you were shovelling up at your feet. “Can we do it whilst we’re mucking up, l-like we are, now?” You appeared taken aback again by her request, forgetting your previous thought as you looked up at her again, forgetting how to breathe for a moment whilst she silently admired your eyes without even realising that she was, trying to tell herself that it was just because it made sense to make eye contact right now, rather than glance down at your lips, or just down at the ground when you were both in the middle of a conversation the way that you were, or had been, now.

You appeared skeptical again, once you’d recomposed yourself, and could finally breathe again, as soon as you remembered how your lungs were supposed to work, ever since you’d been born a few years ago, now.

“I don’t know,” you answered warily, prompting her heart to sink, and eyes to darken a little; it made something ache within her for a reason unbeknownst to her to see that you still didn’t seem to trust her with the shovel, but she guessed she understood after she’d been wielding it the way she had earlier, wanting to either break it or smack someone over the head with it whilst she’d been thinking about her and Shane’s recent argument. It was seeing the hurt on her face - even if it were only there for a moment - that made your heart cave in, as you - without hesitation - took up her shovel, before holding it out to her, and forgetting how to breathe all over again as you waited for her to take it from you. “Here, of - of course we can,” you reassured her gently, a little breathlessly, but you tried to hide that you couldn’t breathe as you tried not to watch her hand as it inched closer to your own, before she accepted the shovel from you, and couldn’t help, but allow the pinky finger of her left hand to brush against the back of your own, prompting your heart to stutter, and you to tense up again as a makeshift spurt of electricity seemed to run down your arm - something you’d never felt before. You wondered if she felt it too, noticing the dazed expression on her face, making your cheeks heat up as you hastily looked away from her again, though you longed to keep your eyes focused on her, and only her, despite your not knowing why you’d even had such a reaction to her skin touching your own the way it had, for a split second.

“Thank you,” she replied, once she’d been able to find her voice again as she smiled timidly down at the ground beneath her, “that was-.. really brave of you, considering.”

You lifted your eyebrows again as you glanced over at her, confused by her praise, but still you couldn’t keep the smile from your face as your eyes glinted a little over at her, prompting her heart to skip a beat again as soon as she felt your eyes upon her, encouraging her more than enough to glance up at you again, her eyes not hesitating to lock with your own as you both faltered in place for a moment, staring over at each other as if nobody else existed anymore, besides you two, right here, right now.

It took her more strength than it ever had before to stay stood where she was, seeing herself in another universe inching closer to you, whilst she lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, only making her heart begin to pound a little as you warily glanced over at her, your heart skipping a beat, almost as if you were picturing the same thing as she was, hardly breathing, just like she was, stood before you, before her eyes darkened, and she awkwardly cleared her throat again to break herself from her previous daze, as well as you from your own as you silently cursed yourself, before digging up at the muck again to try and clear your head somehow, only to fail miserably as soon as you felt her hand upon your shoulder.

“Reg-” You spluttered out, before you even knew her name was slipping from your lips, but before you could continue, she pressed on, determined to show you that she meant everything she told you, whilst she knew you silently doubted some things about yourself, though you’d not even told her her about what had happened to you, when you were younger, and felt more hopeless than you ever had before.

“I meant it,” she cooed, gently squeezing your shoulder as you timidly glanced up at her, wishing you could breathe normally again, whilst at the same time you were terrified of losing the way she made you feel, whenever she was with you the way she was, now, “you’re the bravest girl I know.”

You tried not to shudder, your eyes threatening to fill with tears as a lump began to form within your throat, only making it harder for you to not break down in front of her as you forced a shaky smile in her direction, before bowing your head again as soon as small tears began to form within your eyes.

“Bravest, huh?” You mused, and she nodded hastily, not hesitating at all because she meant every word, and knew she always would. Being hit by a bus the way she had last year had made her feel different; more grateful, of everything, as well as everyone, around her - for a split second, whilst she was unconscious, she swore her life had flashed before her eyes, and it made her feel guilty for almost everything she’d ever done - well, everything, until now.

“You - mean a heck of a lot to me,” she expressed, and you would appear taken aback again, your heart skipping a beat, before you glanced up at her again, and wondered why your heart felt as if it were being squeezed even though at the same time it felt as if it were currently soaring with every word she shared with you, and you’d reacted in similar ways ever since you’d first met her, and began to feel alive whenever she was with you the way that she was, now, “you always have, e-ever since I-.. y’know, got to actually know you, and talk to you, and that’ll never change, I promise - you know that, right?”

“I know,” you reassured her, your voice briefly trembling, prompting her heart to squeeze alongside your own as she frowned, and carefully eased you into a hug whilst you melted into her embrace, and wouldn’t hesitate to return it as you buried your face into her left shoulder, feeling safer than you ever had before as you subconsciously drowned within her sweet scent in the best way possible.

“Good,” she returned gently, “I’m glad.” You both fell quiet for a moment as you tried to recompose yourselves, before she held you at arms length blissfully, her eyes glinting alongside your own. “So,” she chimed, and you couldn’t help, but giggle softly whilst you carefully brushed away any remaining tears, “should we continue mucking, or-?”

You smiled warmly at her, before nodding, and taking up your shovel again, as if she hadn’t had you almost breaking down completely within her arms a brief moment ago.

“I’d love to,” you replied, brighter than she’d ever heard you before, prompting her heart to jump alongside your own as she smiled sheepishly back at you, evidently glad to see that you were happy again, now that she’d admitted to you that you were more than what you thought you were to her, before, “as long as you’re still up to talking about whatever you wanna talk about, as we go?”

She tensed up again, remembering Shane, and the fight he and her had had, earlier today, and for a moment you regretted more than anything bringing up the situation, until she smiled reassuringly over at you again, and nodded, before taking your free hand within her own to soothe you even more, indirectly making your heart pound faster than it ever had before as you tried not to glance down at her fingers intertwined with your own, whilst also silently praying that she couldn’t hear what was currently going on within your chest.

“Always,” she answered, and you would express relief, your expression softening, before you glanced down at the ground again, your cheeks heating up even more than they ever had before, “but before that - where should we start?”

🜚

“So he lied to you, about the whole thing?” You mused, a hurt look on your face as you and Regina slowly walked side-by-side, her head bowed, and your eyes dark whilst you tried to ignore how your blood was boiling at the thought of her boyfriend, Shane, disrespecting her like that, hurting her the way you could tell that he was, even now that she was away from him, trying not to think about all that had taken place between them both recently, when things had seemed like they’d be okay the end of last year, before she and him had begun the senior year at Northshore High together, alongside you.

“Yep,” she murmured, and you would frown, glancing over at her for a brief moment whilst your heart ached alongside her own, something she never thought she’d feel before, until now, as she silently begged for a distraction that would end this conversation, and bring on a new one.

The sun was going down - slowly, but surely. The last of the birds out were singing, her looking around for them subconsciously as if she were recently only just discovering each and every one of them around her, after the accident had changed her last year. A thoughtful expression crossed her face, a barely audible sigh of awe escaping her whilst she admired the area around her - your uncle did seem to own quite a bit of natural land; a few acres, at least, beyond the stable.

You couldn’t help, but smile softly in her direction as you admired her in the new light, tilting your head partially. It was almost like a breeze; like something new had hit you harder than it ever had before; like you were seeing every new for the first time, just by being with her. Your heart skipped a beat, and you hastily averted your gaze before she could look back in your direction, and lock eyes with you, prompting your heart to sink as you wished for a moment that you could have met her gaze, but you were terrified of her seeing the evident effect she seemed to have on you, without either of you knowing what it was, exactly, during this blissful moment in time, away from the hustle and bustle of civilisation. Regina was almost glad, to say the least, that her mother had sent her here just for the time being, until your uncle decided that he needed no more stable hands, but she guessed she’d always have you at the school, right?

Before she had time to acknowledge the silent dread forming within the pit of her stomach, you gently took her right hand within your briefly shaky left one, prompting her to forget how to breathe for a moment as she tensed up, and her legs stopped moving beneath her, her head turning on its own toward you before she could even direct it to do so, as if she were no longer controlling her body for a moment, and was watching the pair of you from somewhere else; at a birds-eye view.

Actually, she ventured that such a thing wouldn’t be so bad; to be up high, with the birds that were currently singing from somewhere up in the trees around you both, the odd one or two or even three taking off to either continue their birdsong somewhere else, or depart to their nests wherever they were for the night, alone, or with a family to keep them company; chicks, mate, or a flock. It struck her, eventually, that it was unusual for her to be having such thoughts; she wasn’t used to it, still - the way you made her want to continue her change, after the bus had struck her last year. She knew the old her would probably never bother to acknowledge such a natural scenery, nor would she even notice how this light seemed to make your eyes glint in a certain way.

She winced again, realising she had been staring back at you for a few seconds too long, before she awkwardly cleared her throat, and mustered up the only thing she could think to ask, right now, without having her voice tremble, or having herself get lost completely by all that was around her right now, though she wasn’t completely opposed to waking up to such a scenery each day, you included, somewhere within that dream, in what position she wasn’t quite sure, yet. She still couldn’t put her finger upon it; where you stand, to her - what she felt around you was completely new; like fireworks in the ocean, or particles of snow forming a perfect layer upon lava.

“You okay?” She inquired, her voice barely audible, and you would falter, realising you’d not spoken yet, before you nodded hastily, and smiled timidly back at her whilst your cheeks began to feel as if they were heating up again.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine, I just-..” You sighed, before looking away from her, and begrudgingly releasing her hand, not sure what had even prompted you to want to hold it within your’s for a moment in the first place as you tried to ignore the warm and fuzzy feeling you were currently experiencing within your chest, as long as she were beside you the way that she was, now.

Regina could tell that you were struggling to find the right words to say - of course she could, so she decided to help the only way she knew she could, right now, inching closer to you somewhat as she looked around at the scenery again, smiling softly as she did - it all felt like some hidden paradise she never even knew existed, before now, and she guessed it didn’t surprise her to find that you were included in such a place as this.

“It’s really pretty, here,” she stated, and you would subconsciously relax, beside her; your body tensing up less in the corner of her eye as you drew in a barely audible sigh of relief to her right, glad that she’d changed the subject before you could falter completely beside her the way you feared you soon would, the way that things had been going recently, “peaceful - I can’t believe I’ve never been here, before.”

You slowly nodded beside her, but you couldn’t stop thinking about the guilt you felt, bringing up Shane again the way you had earlier, after she’d told you about all the fights they’d been having recently, whenever she weren’t here, with you, or was with her friends back at Northshore; you weren’t really used to being around them, yet, so when she was with them, you were either in the library, or outside, writing underneath one of the trees on the hill, unless you were bunking completely - you never really cared about your education, especially after you’d been kidnapped and abused a few years ago, now.

What your kidnapper had done to you had just made you feel like nothing mattered anymore; you hated, or distrusted most things; you only ever felt anything that wasn’t negative when you were with Regina, or the horses your Uncle owned, specifically Firenze, and Felicity, two Friesians that had been here since they were foals. You’d always dreamed about watching them grow, and you would have been able to, if it weren’t for the man who’d taken you the way he did when you were smaller.

You tried to stop thinking about it, turning to face her subconsciously, and the sight of her was enough to clear your head; enough to get you to blurt out exactly what you were thinking, right now, until you knew you should stop.

“I’m sorry,” you managed, your voice weak, and close to a whisper, prompting her heart to sink, before she glanced over at you, her eyes darkening; she just wished you’d stop putting yourself down for things she believed you shouldn’t put yourself down for, especially after all that you’d been through, yourself. She didn’t know yet about the kidnapping, but she knew that you came from a broken home - just your luck, right? You’d had to sit up most nights before you were taken; before the divorce, listening to your parents shouting at each through the walls, but you never understood what it meant that they were doing so, before one night you’d seen your mother packing up her things, and shortly after that bottles of beer appearing around the house. You’d never been more glad to have been put up with your Uncle, instead, by the police, though you still felt guilty sometimes, wondering what was going on with both your father as well as your mother, not that either of them had treated you as well as you thought they had, before, naive to what was going on around you when you were younger, and less aware of the tricks the world seemed to play on some unfortunate people for the fun of seeing them suffer under the clouds it tended to bring down upon them quite often. “I shouldn’t have brought him up again, I-.. I’m-”

“Y/n, don’t,” she interjected gently, making to hold your hands reassuringly within her own, but you would shake your head hastily, before stepping back; you couldn’t let yourself get away with it; didn’t want to get away with anything like that, anymore, as you continued, a little more shakily, worrying her above the pain she was experiencing ever since you’d moved away from her the way you had, a brief moment ago, now. You were beginning to panic a little, that much she could tell, and she couldn’t let it consume you any further than it already had, knowing what would happen, if she did, and she wasn’t ready at all to see you have a panic attack the way she already had once before, when she’d found you sobbing uncontrollably and shaking in the corner of the stable, a few paces away from the inside and outside arenas here for the riding students that tended to come here sometimes, herself included, as a reward for being a stable hand here alongside you, as well as the others.

Neither of you tended to talk to them as much as you spoke to each other; they seemed a little more awkward around you both, neither of you were sure why - it was probably because the owner of the place was your Uncle, and she was hanging out with you a lot of the time; they didn’t want to do or say anything that might get them kicked out of the place. You fought back a shaky sigh, trying not to break down in front of her again as you subconsciously wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to tell yourself that it wasn’t as bad as how your kidnapper had hurt you; you wouldn’t be punished like that again, but it didn’t seem to help much.

“You see, I - I don’t have much of a filter,” you mused, your words almost stumbling over each other as she tried to slowly get closer to you whilst you spoke, and were distracted, “and when I do, I still don’t know much of what I’m doing, and I’m sorry for that; I should have thought about it, before I said it, and I hate myself for it, I really do, I-”

Before you could even process what was going on in your head, your heart racing, and tears clouding your vision, Regina’s arms were around you, and you fell quiet in an instant, your head clearing up again whilst you melted subconsciously into her touch, small tears leaking from your eyes as you slowly returned the hug, not sure what to make of anything anymore. All you could think about now was that she was with you, holding you, and for a moment you wondered if this was the safest you’d ever felt before.

You had so much to thank her for, smiling softly against her shoulder as you stared ahead of you, but the words were stuck in your throat; you didn’t want to move; didn’t want this moment to change as you subconsciously clung to her black jumper, and silently begged her to never let go of you - not again.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she cooed, her voice soothing you in an instant as she rubbed your back using her right hand, the circular movements leaving your skin feeling as if it were thrumming with electricity beneath your t-shirt with every touch, and you felt hopeless in a way, but this time it wasn’t linked to anything like fear - you only wanted more moments like these, more than you’d ever wanted anything else before.

It started off as an idea; you pictured the lights of the distant city against a dark sky, her arms around you almost like they were, now, before it became a picture you longed to witness, first hand, with every part of your being, your heart almost calling for it, and it didn’t take long at all for you to give into it, begrudgingly holding her at arm’s length, before the words so easily slipped from your lips before you could even process that they were doing so:

“Can I show you something?” You blurted out, and Regina appeared taken aback by your request, but she couldn’t say ‘no’ - it never occurred to her to do so, even when she was stood before your motorbike, and there was a glint in your eyes that she’d never seen before.

🜚

It felt like you both were soaring out of your Uncle’s riding centre, before a few seconds had even passed; like you were flying, without having a bird’s wings to do so. Neither of you spoke for a little while; Regina was silently admiring the distant lights of the city, as well as the near corn fields and occasional rabbits that ran alongside you both on the fields. You didn’t have the heart to interrupt her, occasionally glancing back at her, and smiling warmly as her eyes lit up at the sight of something new, only when you could; you didn’t wanna get her into an accident, not much caring about yourself if ever anything happened to you, but if anything happened to her…

You drew in a barely audible sharp breath through a wince, subconsciously slowing the motorbike down even more, though the road was often quiet the way it was, now, a rare car passing by you both every now and then, followed by a lengthy silence that seemed to stretch out between universe after universe. This was the life - if only it could stay like this, forever.

“This is nice,” she mused, perching her chin upon your right shoulder, prompting your heart to skip a beat as a dazed expression crossed your face for a moment, and you were glad it was being hidden by a helmet, worried that you might soon begin to blush again for a reason unbeknownst to you. You wondered how things had got even better; that she was so close to you, and already had her arms wrapped around you, obviously just as a safety precaution - you tried not to make anything of this moment, though it did make your heart pound uncomfortably against your ribcage somehow, to the point you were scared she might be able to hear it, but you assumed she couldn’t as she didn’t mention it, prompting you instantly to express relief, but you tried not to relax too much, reminding yourself that you were still responsible for her right now more than ever, and that you were still in control of your motorbike, no matter how much you wished you could just revel completely in the moment alongside her, without being fearful of how you could possible lose, or hurt her somehow, if ever you slipped up any minute, now - any second, even.

You kept your gaze firmly upon the road ahead, tightening your grip on the handles whilst she continued to look around, wondering how she’d never done this before, especially not with someone like you. Sure, it was similar to when she was driving her car, but this felt different in more ways than one. She snuggled even closer to you - just because it was getting cold, she tried to tell herself; it didn’t mean anything, though she could feel somewhere deeper inside her that she was wrong, and that scared her more than anything else ever had before. This was all so new, and something she never thought possible; she’d had feelings before, of course she had, regarding Shane and Aaron, but they’d never been this intense.

Even the crushes she’d had on other women (that she tried to ignore and excessively deny), had been ones that didn’t last as long as she thought - and sometimes feared - they would. A bird swooped past you both, but you wouldn’t let anything startle you, not if it meant that she could be put in danger by your recklessness if you let something distract you like that almost did.

“You okay, back there?” You inquired, your voice barely audible, as if you were afraid to even speak right now for her sake, your gaze never leaving the road again as you swerved a little to the right to allow another stray car to pass by peacefully - this was nothing like how you’d drive, if you were alone, that much you knew, above anything else right now.

“Yeah, you?” She called over the incoming wind, and you would appear taken aback by the question; you still weren’t used to someone else actually caring about you, you guessed.

“Yeah, I - I’m-” Your voice cracked for a brief moment, and you couldn’t help, but curse yourself for being so pathetic around her. “I’m okay,” you managed, eventually, and she would smile softly down at you, evidently glad to hear that as you’d been quiet for most of the ride, now, just too focused on trying to protect her to the point that it was unnatural; obsessive, to others, most likely, but you didn’t care; you couldn’t take any risk that could cause her demise.

“Good,” she replied gently, almost in a voice close to a whisper as if she were still afraid of what you’d think, if you heard her response, though she wasn’t sure why, all these new feelings leaving her with a headache due to the conflict going on between the two sides of both her heart, and mind. She clung on a little tighter to you to subconsciously provide comfort to herself, as well as you; she’d never seen you this quiet before, finding herself even missing your voice as another few minutes passed, with you not daring to muster up another word to her, even if it was just to ask her if she were okay; ask her if she liked the view; all the lights; the glittering stars above you both. “I’ve never seen you this focused before,” she admitted, and for a moment you faltered, swerving a little before you tightened your grip again, and re-centred your motorbike, but she wasn’t scared, only secretly glad that she’d achieved a reaction out of you the way she could tell that she had; you’d been so firm all this time, only now to let that foundation break if only just for a second the way it had, “you’re committed.”

You subconsciously grimaced, but tried not to let it get to you, though you knew she meant well, and in part, it was true; you were committed to protecting her, but just her, as well as the last few presences on the earth who had actually treated you right, but you couldn’t feel the same way toward the rest of the souls you’d met, so far, even though you’d only been alive for a few years, now.

“I guess,” you replied, and she would raise her eyebrows, wondering why you seemed to tense up beneath her touch only now, but she didn’t blame you, knowing you’d been through what nobody should have to go through at such a young age, your parents fighting all the time the way that they were, before they divorced, and your father started drinking - if only she knew about the kidnapping, too, before she continued; the kidnapping had always been the thing that especially provoked you the way it did, whether it broke you down to be reminded of what had been done to you, or it made you reckless; drove you to drink, yourself, or even suicide attempts, direct, or indirect on a count of reckless driving, or substance abuse - it just made you ache and burn in overwhelming ways that you couldn’t ignore everything it made you want to do, whenever you were reminded of what happened the nights you spent crying and screaming for someone to help, only for help to come when so much of you had already been broken inside, mentally and physically. You never intended to bring her into your pain; to get her involved with any of it, but something switched within you, and it always got to a point that you couldn’t hold anything back anymore - not until it was already too late for you to do so.

🜸

“You are,” Regina insisted, smiling subconsciously over at you as she admired your facial features without even realising that she was doing so, “you just don’t wanna admit it, right? The world, even if it hurt you; you wanna stay committed to it, somehow, in whatever way that you can-”

“I could never commit to something that never did anything good for me,” you uttered, and she would appear taken aback, a pained expression on her face as she nodded gravely, and regretted bringing it up in more ways than one, your eyes darkening as you scowled ahead of you, before slowly revving up your motorcycle, bringing it to accelerate even more as she winced, clinging onto you even more whilst you proceeded to turn another corner sharply, narrowly avoiding an approaching car.

“Y/n-”

“You wanna know how I feel about the world?” You questioned, and she would falter, finally appearing worried now as you accelerated even more somehow, something she never thought you would do considering you’d been so careful, up until this moment in time. “This is how I feel,” you spat, sharply revving the motorbike again as you leaned even further forward, and before Regina could even react; could even try and talk you out of what you were doing again, she noticed the broken fence you were both approaching, leaving open a dangerously close cliff-edge, and she knew what you were intending on doing more than you yourself even did.

“Shit,” she managed, first, before returning her widened gaze to you; her eyes full of nothing, but sheer dread as she gently shook you, desperate to try and stop you from continuing the way that you were, “Y/n, stop! You - You can’t do this; you’ll kill us-”

“We all fucking burn in the end,” you interjected sharply, your voice more dangerous and firm than she’d ever heard it before, but she never let go of you, regardless of what you were directing her as well as yourself toward right now, but before you could drive the motorcycle beyond the broken fence, you quickly swerved it a few paces before to the side, just about stopping the two of you before the wheel could go over, a pained expression crossing your face whilst Regina breathed heavy, and fast; she’d never been this scared, before - well, scared, and elated; only you had done things to have an effect such as this on her, and for some reason unbeknownst to her, she never wanted it to stop. “Get off,” you uttered, just as she made to say ‘I’, surprising her, as well as dejecting her as she subconsciously shook her head, and made to protest, only for you to continue in an even sharper voice, making her heart ache even more somehow, “get. Off, Regina.”

She couldn’t help, but scowl over at you, before nodding, and forcing herself to let go of you so she could dismount your motorbike, no matter how much her heart longed to remain close to your’s. She knew she should hate you, right now, but it was the sadness in your eyes that made her falter, her heart aching silently alongside your own - she couldn’t hate you; she just couldn’t, she cared about you too much to, maybe even loved you too much to, not that she knew what that meant yet; whether she loved you just as a friend, or as something more.

She drew in a barely audible shaky breath, still trying to recompose herself as she inched closer to you, and hugged herself, trying not to show that it was hurting her - how you were treating her, now, as if she meant nothing to you even after all that you’d both already been through together, recently.

“Y/n-”

“I can’t,” you murmured weakly, and she felt even worse when she heard your voice cracking, “I - I just-.. can’t, okay? I need to go-”

Her eyes widened again as she hastily shook her head; she couldn’t believe you’d just leave her there, without any explanation at all as to why you’d reacted to her assumption the way you did.

“But-”

“Reg, please-”

“You can’t just leave me here, Y/n,” she retorted, and quickly blocked your way before you could move your motorcycle anymore than you already had, a brief moment ago, now, “I need you; you’re the one who brought me here, remember?”

“You can walk, can’t you?” You reminded her harshly, but wished - as soon as the words had slipped from your lips - you could take them all back, your heart aching excruciatingly as you bowed your head, small tears threatening to cloud your vision. “You don’t need me to take you anywhere-”

“I do,” she contradicted, and you would sigh heavily, before bowing your head a little, knowing you should at least try and make something up to her, after what you’d already said to hurt her without even intentionally doing so the way you had.

“Then-.. let me make it up to you, at least,” you requested, evidently nervous as you fidgeted with your fingers subconsciously, your eyes full of worry as well as guilt behind your helmet, “please?”

Regina hesitated, not sure what to do, now - a part of her wanted nothing more, than to say ‘yes’, whilst another made her feel as if she should just go back home; give you some space, after what had happened a brief moment ago, but whenever she had such thoughts a cloud seemed to pass over her entire being, leaving her feeling empty and dejected inside - she hated being away from you, but she knew as well that she should get back, really, to avoid worrying her mother; during the journey, she felt that her phone was buzzing repeatedly, and she forgot until now that she’d promised she’d be back in time for dinner, and it had almost been a couple of hours or so passed that expectation.

“I don’t know-”

“Reg-”

“I want to go home, Y/n,” she decided, begrudgingly, and you would fall quiet, your frame drooping a little subconsciously in response to her interjection, but you couldn’t blame her - you’d probably hate you, too, if you were in her position, right now. “Not back to your Uncle’s ranch; not back onto any other road we haven’t been on - I want to go home,” she repeated, “my home, okay? Can you do that, without almost killing us both, or-?”

“Okay,” you answered, after swallowing painfully, but the lump in your throat didn’t go away, and Regina would reluctantly avert her gaze, a pained expression on her face as she climbed back up onto your motorcycle, before making to put her helmet back on, “I’m not a monster, by the way.”

Your words took her aback as she stopped what she was doing, for a moment, subconsciously lowering the helmet as she glanced up at you, her eyes full of the guilt as well as concern that she was currently feeling for you, right now; she’d never intended to make you feel that way, about yourself, especially not after all that you’d been through, ever since you were born a few years back - not when she thought the complete opposite about you, without you even knowing that she did, and had ever since she’d first met you, not too long ago, now.

“I know,” she reassured you gently, but you couldn’t let it go; couldn’t give in, not without her knowing that you never meant to hurt her, and never could; that you loved her too much to; that no matter what the future held for you, you could never let your past change you in a way that threatened her life, the way you almost had shortly after the ride had begun, not too long ago, now.

“I mean it, Reg, I - I’m not-”

“You don’t need to prove anything to me, Y/n,” she cooed, lifting her right hand up to your right shoulder, prompting you to falter, and fall quiet instantly as you revelled in her touch, smiling softly as you glanced down upon her hand holding your shoulder, making you feel warm and fuzzy all over again as if the pain had never been there in the first place, just because she was there with you, and holding you again the way you loved to feel her doing so, and had ever since you’d first met her a few months ago, now, or was it longer? You hardly had any sense of time anymore, now that she was with you. You tried not to sigh, more relaxed than you’d ever been before, until she withdrew her hand, and you began to feel empty again, trying desperately to cling onto the feeling, before she continued gently, soothing you all the more whilst she put her helmet back on again. “You know that, right?” She asked, wanting to hear you tell her that you did, and you would hesitate, glancing back at her timidly for a moment, before you smiled faintly, and nodded, trying to appear firm and confident again to reassure her further as you recomposed yourself, before answering in a makeshift stronger voice simply the word ‘yes’, prompting her to smile warmly back at you, glad, before she returned her arms around your waist, mustered up a sleepy ‘good’, and you began to rev up the motorcycle again - if you wanted to get her home to a not-so-furious scolding from her mother, you better do so quickly, right?

🜚

As soon as you pulled into her mother’s driveway, you began to feel empty again, knowing you’d both soon be departing from each other for the day. You smiled sadly back at her, before pulling off your helmet, and helping her off of your motorcycle.

“H-Hey, do you - can - can I walk you to your door?” You inquired, and she would appear taken aback, as well as a little flustered by your request, her eyes glinting a little whilst blood rushed up to her cheeks for a reason unbeknownst to her - she assumed it was just because it was cold again, but it terrified her to know that she was lying to herself, somewhere deep inside her; the part of her she didn’t like to show too often, until recently, after the bus had hit her last year.

“Er,” she began awkwardly, finding she couldn’t meet your gaze for a moment, whilst you tensed up and waited anxiously for her response before her, “sure, I - I don’t see why not, so.. yeah, c’mon.”

You appeared relieved, your eyes brightening up again as you smiled sheepishly over at her.

“Okay!” You replied, maybe a little too brightly, before you timidly offered her your right hand, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before she accepted your hand, and smiled softly over at you, trying not to appear dazed as soon as she felt the electricity passing between your and her hand, through both your and her arm, not even stopping as you began to walk slowly side-by-side, not wanting this moment to end for the world, but she guessed that was a luxury neither of you would ever be able to achieve, considering the way things had been ever since you both had been born, a few years ago, now. Time doesn’t stop for anyone. You frowned, averting your gaze down to the ground for a moment as your eyes darkened, and heart sank alongside her own as soon as you both had reached her door. “So,” you began begrudgingly, before turning to face her, and managing a faint smile back at her whilst she gently squeezed your hand in an attempt to provide comfort to you as well as herself.

“I guess we should-”

“There you are!” Another voice sounded out after the door began to open, prompting Regina to wince, before she hastily withdrew her hand from your own, prompting your heart to sink even more as you hastily looked away, and awkwardly shuffled upon the spot. “What did I tell you about dinner, and going out late, young lady?” Mrs George questioned - at least you assumed it was her mother; you’d seen her a few times before with Regina, but you’d never really spoken to her before, and certainly had never been this close to her before, making you feel awkward as she’d probably never seen you and her daughter together like she had her other friends.

“Jesus, mom, it’s only been a few hours since I left-”

“You left school at three, and it’s now-” She glanced down at her watch, before hastily returning her gaze to Regina. “Seven in the evening, almost eight - where have you been?” She questioned, and she would have continued, certainly appearing as if she were about to, before her gaze fell upon you, and she would wince, managing to smile awkwardly as well as apologetically over at you. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there,” she mused, before appearing a little puzzled as she looked you over, realising that she’d never really seen you before, until now, and didn’t know you as well as she did the others, “er - Regina, honey, is this one of your friends?”

“Y-Yeah,” she answered, trying to disguise the pause with a faint cough; she wasn’t sure why it felt strange to call you her ‘friend’, as well as why it flooded her with guilt a little to notice the pained expression on your face in response to her description of you, “she is; you’ve not met her before, but-.. she’s one of the other stable hands at that riding centre near here; her Uncle’s the owner of the place.”

“Is that right? Well, it’s nice to meet you, erm,” her mother paused for a moment, awkwardly holding her hand out for a moment, “sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Y/n,” you managed, your voice faint, and close to a whisper; you were evidently nervous, “Y/n L/n.”

Mrs. George smiled warmly over at you, and you would hesitantly shake her hand, smiling awkwardly back at her, before you averted your gaze once the hand-shake was over, evidently afraid of doing or saying something wrong if you stayed any longer than you already had, now.

“Do you go to Northshore, too, sweetie?” She inquired, and you would tense up, realising she was talking to you again, before you nodded, awkwardly looking over at Regina as if you were afraid that that was the wrong answer, though it was far from being something wrong when you were going to Northshore alongside her, after you’d been kicked out of your last high school.

“Yeah, she - she does, she - she’s also starting senior year,” Regina explained, and Mrs. George would appear surprised; she couldn’t believe she’d never noticed you before, if you were starting senior year here the way you were said to be doing so, “she moved here, from another school - t-that’s why you, y’know-..”

“Right,” Mrs. George replied, things making at least somewhat more sense to her, now, before she seemed to remember something, and secretly winked over at Regina for a reason unbeknownst to her, prompting her daughter to wince, and appear a little flustered again, looking away before either of you could tell that such an effect was currently being had on her, right now, because of her mother’s evident assumption, “hey, would you like to stay for dinner? There’s a lot left, because missy here said there would be company joining us tonight, until none of them showed up - you’re very welcome to!”

You hesitated, not sure, as you awkwardly stepped back, and smiled apologetically back at Regina’s mother; you weren’t sure you were ready for doing anything like that, yet - social company that didn’t involve you and Regina being alone together wasn’t something you were used to, or much comfortable with, even if Mrs. George seemed to be keen on having you stay the way that she was, for Regina’s sake as much as her own; she just wanted to see Regina happy again considering all the fights she’d been having with Shane recently, and by the looks of things she could see that you seemed to have a certain effect on her daughter that she found hopeful, as well as actually kind of adorable - you seemed to naturally click together, and she wanted to keep that going, somehow, hoping it would prompt Regina to drop Shane, somehow, whether it led to you both being anymore than you were, now, or it just kept you being close friends the way that she could tell you currently were.

“I’d love to, b-but-”

“She’s gotta get back and help her Uncle with the horses,” Regina answered, seeing that you were struggling, prompting you to express relief, before you smiled faintly back at her mother again whilst Mrs. George appeared a little disappointed, before nodding gravely, and returning a reassuring smile back at you, only relaxing you even further as you warily glanced back toward the motorbike, and fidgeted a little with your helmet.

“Right, sorry,” her mother responded gently, “I’ll let you get on with that, then, but if you ever want to come back and stay for a bit, you know where we are, right?”

“Right,” you reassured her, before timidly smiling back at the both of them, “thank you, Mrs. George - see you tomorrow, Reg.”

“See you,” she returned a little dismally, before you pushed yourself to begin walking back toward your motorbike, whilst Mrs. George appeared skeptical, mouthing ‘Reg’ as a question to her daughter, but Regina wouldn’t acknowledge her, slipping by her mother into the house once you’d begun to pull out of their driveway, but it wasn’t long before you’d hear her voice again, shortly after you’d got back, and were trying to get to sleep - not long at all.

🜚

“What was that?” Mrs. George inquired, after closing the door, and Regina would wince, reluctantly looking back at her as she stopped upon the first stop of their home’s staircase up to the second floor.

“Nothing,” she answered, but her mother didn’t seem convinced, worrying her a little as she looked away after rolling her eyes, “it was nothing, I swear; she’s a friend, mom - that’s all there is to it-”

“You know it’s okay, right?” She continued, gentler, this time, and Regina would falter, glancing back at her with a pained as well as puzzled expression on her face.

“Mom-”

“You can have feelings for her,” she clarified, resting her hands upon her daughter’s shoulders reassuringly, “it’s normal - I’m not judging you, at all, so tell me - do you like her, or-?”

“C-Can we not do this, right now?” Regina requested, avoiding her mother’s gaze, but Mrs. George knew better than to just give in.

“Just tell me, okay? If ever you-.. do start feeling anything for her,” she requested, and Regina would sigh, before she nodded gravely, and awkwardly shuffled upon the spot, “you know I have all the tricks you need to know, about winning who you want to be with; I used to be quite the popular flirt, myself-”

“Gross, but okay,” she replied, unable to stop a soft smile from tugging at the corners of her lips as she looked back up at her mother, prompting her to smile back at her; she liked seeing her daughter happy the way she was, now - it had been a little while since things had been like this between them both, after she’d got with Shane last year, “I’ll tell you.”

“Thank you,” Mrs. George responded exasperatedly, glad, above anything else, that she’d got through to Regina the way she could tell that she had.

“But,” Regina continued, worrying her mother again as she appeared to tense up, “I’m still with Shane, and I’m happy, so-”

“You’re happy? Really? Happy is not what I’m seeing from you when you’re with him, Regina-”

“Then that’s your opinion,” her daughter interjected sharply, “not mine - just-.. stay out of my business, okay? Please?”

Mrs. George frowned, shaking her head subconsciously, but Regina was already turning away from her even as she made to continue:

“Honey-”

“I’m going to bed,” she stated, and her mother would sigh behind her, before nodding gravely; she knew she’d never be able to change her mind about Shane; she’d have to do it herself, somehow; have to realise herself that he wasn’t any good for her, like she had thought he might be last year, until now; until the fighting had started the way it did, faster than she’d ever expected it to.

“Okay, but-.. next time, let me know when you’re going to be coming home late, okay?” Mrs. George called, and Regina would grunt, not bothering to respond as she disappeared into her room, and locked the door behind her.

🜚

It wasn’t long that you were plunged into a nightmare, after you fell asleep, crying and shaking uncontrollably whilst you clung to your duvet, your Uncle trying to soothe you as you struggled within his arms once he’d managed to get them around you, no matter how much you thrashed and cried out for help, thinking you were being taken by the man who had kidnapped and abused you again.

“You’re okay,” he cooed gently, his voice briefly shaking as he held you close, and you continued to cry, shaking your head rapidly as you mustered up things barely audible, before Regina’s name shakily slipped from your lips, “it’s okay.”

“Let go!” You cried, desperate to get away from him, and to find Regina again, afraid of what might happen to her, though the man who had kidnapped you was already in jail for what he’d done, and had been locked up for a few years now already - there was no way he was getting out, any time soon. “Please,” you begged, “I - I can’t - let me go! I need her! I - I need to hear her, please; let me see her, before he hurts her, too, please!”

“She’s okay,” he reassured hastily, “everything’s okay - he isn’t here, Y/n, you’re safe! He’s never coming back-”

“Stop!” You continued weakly, before you struggled out of his embrace, and lunged yourself off of the bed, before grabbing your phone, and surprising him by retrieving a pen-knife you’d been hiding under your bed in case anyone ever tried hurting you again like your kidnapper had years ago.

He faltered, hastily shaking his head whilst he drew back, and lifted his hands up in surrender, not wanting you to think he was going to force you to do anything - even he knew that it was smart not to continue trying to stop you when you were in a state like this, enough to prompt you to threaten him even if he was trying to help you, but he knew it was difficult for you; knew that you’d not recovered yet; that you were still stuck thinking right now that you were trapped within some form of that nightmare, even if it were over, now, and would hopefully never happen to you again, no matter what the future held for you, after today.

“Woah now,” he began slowly, “it’s okay - I’m staying over here, okay? I’m not gonna do anything; I’m not like him, you know I’m not, just don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“I just wanna hear her,” you admitted shakily, your voice cracking as you did, and his expression would soften, before he nodded gravely.

“Okay,” he replied gently, “then call her, see if she’s awake, but-.. if she’s not-”

“Don’t,” you spat weakly; sharply, and he would fall quiet again, “don’t you dare - I won’t let him take her; she will answer, and if she doesn’t-”

“She’s safe,” he reassured you again gently, “just try, and you’ll see, I promise.”

You hesitated, evidently nervous, before you began to shakily unlock your phone, allowing you to bring up your messages, alongside her number, but as soon as you noticed the phone symbol in the corner of the screen, you hastily pressed your finger down upon it, and waited anxiously for her to answer the call.

🜸

By the time you’d called her, she was already awake, struggling to sleep; tossing and turning, until she heard her phone buzzing, dragging her out of her thoughts regarding you, and what her mother had told her regarding your and her relationship. It rattled her more than anything else ever had before. She hastily sat up, grabbing her phone in the process of doing so, before she faltered, and tensed up a little upon noticing your name on her screen.

She didn’t hesitate, sliding with her finger to accept the call, before she shakily held her phone up to her ear, almost regretting doing so as soon as it had been done.

🜸

All she heard at first, was you sniffling barely audibly on the other side of the phone, prompting her heart to ache excruciatingly as soon as she realised that you were crying, for a reason unbeknownst to her. You couldn’t speak, at first, your hand shaking at your right ear whilst your Uncle watched you quietly; cautiously - he still didn’t know what to make of the situation, right now, with you still holding the pen-knife.

“Regina?” You managed, your voice briefly trembling, barely audible, and she sucked in a sharp breath subconsciously, her heart skipping a beat as soon as she heard your voice.

“Y/n?” She replied, and you would express relief, evidently glad to hear that she was okay; still there, and hopefully not in the clutches of the man who had kidnapped you the way he did, a few years ago, now. “Are you - Are you okay? What - What’s wrong?” She questioned, sitting up even further in her bed as she even shuffled toward the edge of it, as if she were deciding whether she should go back to your Uncle’s ranch to check on you, and make sure that you were okay; she didn’t like the idea of you being alone, whilst you were like this, evidently not knowing that your Uncle was with you in the room right now, you holding a pen-knife at him as if you still thought he were about to hurt you, or try and stop you from protecting her somehow when he could never do anything like that to you, especially not when he’d made a vow to protect you to your mother, before she’d left after the divorce.

You frowned, wrapping your left arm around your legs as you shuffled even further back against the wall, your eyes glistening as you tried to find the right words to say, your bottom lip shaking whilst your throat felt as if it were burning; sore from crying, and screaming the way that you were, a brief moment ago, before your Uncle had let you go to call her like you were, now.

“I - I’m,” you began feebly, your words stumbling over themselves, “I’m sorry-”

“Y/n,” your Uncle began gently, but you wouldn’t listen to him, hastily shaking your head; you didn’t want to be told that it wasn’t your fault; that none of this was, because you knew that things could have been different; you knew that maybe you could have done something to fix this; to fix everything that happened; to fix yourself even after all that had been done to you, before.

“I should never have-.. I-” You faltered again, struggling to hold yourself together as your face crumpled, and you began to cry again, your grip on your phone tightening. “I’m sorry, okay? I really am, I-”

“Y/n, stop-” Your Uncle continued, but you would move away before he could inch any closer than he had, despite you still holding the pen-knife in front of you as soon as he’d made to move again like he had.

“The - The truth is,” you began again, trying not to allow your voice to shake anymore than it already had, by briefly biting down upon your tongue, even as you began to taste blood, and tears continued to leak out of your already red and sore eyes, “I like you, Reg, more - more than I had planned to, and I-.. I’m so-..” Regina didn’t know what to say, her heart silently breaking alongside your own as she listened to you trying, and struggling to hold everything within you together, just to try and stay strong for her, though she still didn’t know what had prompted you to react the way that you were; to call her, instead of anyone else, during times like these that you were at your weakest; she’d never heard you like this before. “Look, I-.. if - if he takes me today; y-you don’t know him, but-.. if he takes me,” you continued, a little more urgently now, your voice trembling even more whilst your hand began to shake again, your heart pounding, “don’t look for me, don’t even ask for me, don’t-.. don’t even-.. please, just forget about me, okay? Please? Will you?”

“What? Y/n, what - what are you talking about?” She questioned, evidently getting nervous, now, her eyes full of the concern she was currently holding for you, whilst her own heart began to pound uncomfortably within her chest. “Y/n-”

“I’m sorry,” you repeated a little weaker, “I-.. just don’t let him get you, too.”

“That’s enough, Y/n,” your Uncle continued, before he hastily got off of the bed, before taking the phone from you before you could even try and take it back from him, wanting to hear her voice just for one short moment longer, even if you really were safe right now, and weren’t still trapped within the nightmare you’d been plunged into not too long ago, now, “c’mon-”

“No!” You cried, but he held the phone away from you, carefully pinning you down upon the ground before you could scratch at him using the pen-knife; he knew that it was a hard situation for Regina to be in, too, not knowing about what had happened to you regarding you being kidnapped the way you were, and he knew he shouldn’t let it continue for as long as it was, so instead of giving the phone up to you, he put it up to his own right ear, before saying goodnight, as well as apologising to Regina, and ending the call, but she couldn’t let what she’d heard go, shaking her head as soon as she noticed the call had been ended, before she got up, and rushed down the stairs.

🜸

“You can’t do this!” You cried, desperate to call her again, but still he wouldn’t let you have the phone back, keeping it in the pocket of his jacket; he often stayed up late, keeping watch of the horses if they were particularly loud, and that was what he had been doing, before he’d heard you screaming and crying upstairs. “I have to call her again, please!” You begged, struggling against his hold as he removed the pen-knife from your left hand, before carefully picking you up off of the ground; you needed to relax, somehow, as he carefully laid you back down upon his bed, before taking up a bottle of sleep medication that tended to help you sometimes, on nights like these. “If I lose her, I-”

“You won’t lose her,” he cooed, as he carefully encouraged you to take the pill, before offering you the glass of water he’d got you earlier - this was often a common occurrence, at night; he liked to be prepared for you if ever you needed more of your medication or for him to stay with you until you fell asleep again after being plunged into a nightmare like the one you’d just had not too long ago, now. “She’s always gonna be here for you, I promise,” he added gently, “no matter what - I can tell, I just-.. I’m worried about - about what she’ll think, if she-.. if she knows, about what happened to you; she doesn’t know yet, remember? She doesn’t even know about the divorce, does she?”

“She does,” you contradicted a little sleepily, your voice quieter than it was, before; the pill was already taking effect, it seemed, as you subconsciously snuggled a little into your duvet whilst your Uncle sat on the edge of the bed beside you, “I-.. I told her. I-.. I don’t know why, I just-.. I-”

“It’s okay,” he reassured you, smiling softly down at you, “I understand.” He sighed, before laying down beside you whilst you stared up at the ceiling, your eyelids growing a little heavier than they were, before. “Try and get some sleep, okay?” He encouraged, and you would hesitate, before nodding slowly, though it was a struggle to focus anymore; struggle to quiet your mind, when all you could think about was how you hoped Regina was safe, even though you had been brought back to reality by now.

🜸

Regina didn’t waste any time getting downstairs, her heart pounding overwhelmingly whilst she made to grab her coat from the hanger, but before she could open the door after swiftly retrieving her car keys, her mother came out of the kitchen, startling her as she jumped, and leaned heavily against the door for a moment after Mrs. George had tiredly said her daughter’s name to her right.

“Mom?” She managed, her voice barely audible, and sounding as if she were still shaken up after what had happened, earlier. “W-What are you-”

“I should be asking you the same thing,” Mrs. George interrupted suspiciously, and Regina would wince, hastily bowing her head as a lump began to form within her throat again - she couldn’t let her mother stop her from seeing you, after you’d called her the way that you did, all broken up and sounding more scared than she’d ever heard you before, only making her heart ache even more excruciatingly than it ever had before. “What are you doing, missy?” She questioned, but before Regina could muster up a response, her mother continued, and she found herself struggling not to cry, as she bowed her head, and blinked her tears back whilst her mother surveyed her curiously all the while, wondering if Shane had fought with her again, before she’d rushed down the stairs the way she had, phone loosely in her right hand. “Don’t tell me, it’s Shane, isn’t it? He upset you again-”

“It’s Y/n,” Regina managed, her voice briefly trembling, and her mother’s expression would soften as soon as she heard the pain in her daughter’s voice, no matter how much she tried to hide that she was struggling, the way she currently was, after you’d called her a brief moment ago, “she-.. she’s-”

“Oh, honey,” her mother cooed sympathetically as soon as Regina found herself breaking down, unable to fight back her emotions any longer as she collapsed into Mrs. George’s arms, crying quietly into her left shoulder in a strained manner, as if she were still trying to hold the tears and sobs back, somehow, after they’d managed to escape her the way they had, a brief moment ago, now, “it’s okay - you’re okay; everything’s okay, you can tell me - what’s wrong with Y/n? Did you guys have a fight, or-? Or is she-?” Mrs. George appeared worried as she held her daughter at arms length, her eyes a little wider than they were, before. “God, no, she isn’t hurt, or - or even dead, is she? Talk to me, Regina, you’re scaring me-”

“I can’t stay here,” Regina managed, a little more firmly, though her voice still shook for a brief moment, as she withdrew from her mother’s embrace, even stepping back as Mrs. George drew closer to her again, “she needs me-”

“But it’s late, sweetie-”

“You used to be okay with late nights,” Regina reminded her exasperatedly, desperate to get to you as fast as she possibly could, so she could make sure that you were okay; she hated that she weren’t with you right now, especially when you sounded so scared, before, “please, mom, let me go to her, please!”

Mrs. George sighed, before nodding gravely, and averting her gaze for a brief moment as she thought about what she could do to keep her daughter safe in the process, afraid of what accidents she could get into in a state like this, but she tried her best not to conjure up subconsciously any images in her mind of a car accident waiting to happen. She’d have to go with her, if she wanted to protect her the way she did, and had ever since she had first been born, a few years ago, now.

“Fine, you can go, but I’m not letting you go alone,” she decided, before Regina could slip through the front door the way she’d been making to, just as her mother had made to continue.

She groaned, evidently displeased by her mother’s choice, but before she could complain, Mrs. George took the car keys from her, only annoying her even more.

“What? But-”

“And I’m driving, missy,” Mrs. George continued, before slipping by her daughter to open the door, “so are we doing this, or not?”

🜚

The drive felt longer than it ever had before, like a million lifetimes were going by, and they still hadn’t got to his ranch yet though it was quite close by to her mom’s house, as well as near to Northshore High School, but Regina didn’t want to think about how she’d have to go back there tomorrow right now - not when she was still worried about you, the way that she currently was, and had been ever since you’d called her the way you did.

“You okay back there, hon? You’re very quiet,” Mrs. George inquired, and Regina would hesitate, before nodding, and forcing a smile over at her mother through the rear view mirror, but she couldn’t get the smile to reach her eyes as she bowed her head again quickly, trying to hide that her smile dropped as fast as she’d brought it on. “Hey,” her mother continued gently, seeing that her daughter was still in pain, and definitely nothing short of worried about you, as she carefully reached her left hand behind her to gently and reassuringly squeeze Regina’s own, but it still shook a little once she let go; she couldn’t calm down; couldn’t stop her heart from pounding, and she hated it, but she couldn’t quite get herself to want to go home, not when they were both so close now to your Uncle’s ranch.

As soon as the driveway came into view, Regina sat up, her eyes a little wide as they surveyed the area, as if she were expecting to see blood stains, or weapons, or broken windows, only to find that the place seemed unscathed, prompting her to express relief, her heart instantly slowing down a little as she relaxed back into her seat just a bit, but she was still tense, telling herself that she wouldn’t be happy, until she saw that you were okay; still breathing, and not cold inside, as long as you were still here.

“Who’s there?” A familiar voice called out, and that was when Regina noticed that there was a figure approaching the car warily with a flashlight.

“This is the right place, isn’t it, sweetie?” Her mom asked, but Regina couldn’t bring herself to answer, hastily getting out of the car, before she rushed up to your Uncle, and couldn’t help, but shove him, assuming that maybe he had something to do with how scared you sounded, since he’d interrupted the call, before it was ended the way it suddenly was, earlier. “Regina!” Mrs. George called after her, running toward them both to wrap her arms around her daughter, attempting to pull her away, but Regina wouldn’t let her mother stop her.

“Where is she, and what have you done to her!?” She cried, and your Uncle would frown, shaking his head subconsciously, before he sighed, and looked warily back toward the house; he’d been expecting this, but wasn’t phased, as he smiled apologetically back at both of them.

“She’s inside,” he answered calmly, before his eyes darkened a little upon him realising he may have to tell Regina and her mother the truth, now that they were here, prompting him to appear slightly dejected in response to his own recollection of what had happened to you a few years ago, now.

He remembered all the sleepless nights, wondering when the police would call him back; when you’d be brought home, and it was painful - he himself still had nightmares about it, sometimes, and it filled him with a boiling hot rage to think about how long it had taken them to locate you; how your father had done nothing himself to help you, not even looking alongside the search party he’d put together for you, but he guessed that was in the past, now, and could never be changed - at least you’d finally been brought home; a little broken, but still alive, and home.

He sighed heavily, appearing tired, now; he’d been awake for a little while, after you’d woke up from the nightmare you’d been plunged into a little earlier, shaking him up slightly to the point he found he just couldn’t get anymore sleep, worried about how you might need him to comfort you again, at some point; he never wanted to not be there for you, when you needed him, especially not after you’d hardly been looked after by your father and mother, considering your mother was focused on getting away, whilst your father had been more content drinking than he was looking after you.

Even that made him scowl subconsciously down at the ground again; maybe if your father had been looking after you, you wouldn’t have been taken, and wouldn’t have to had gone through the abuse that you did at the hands of your kidnapper, years ago, now.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. L/n, I didn’t think she’d-”

“It’s fine,” he reassured, smiling feebly back at Regina’s mother, before he gesticulated toward the house, and switched off his flashlight, “come inside for a little while - it’s cold out, and-.. I feel I have some explaining to do for Ms. George, here, as well as you, but Y/n, she-.. she’s upstairs, sleeping, at least I think she is, and I’ll let you see her if you want, but-.. she needs rest, and most likely won’t wake up until the morning comes around, now - is that okay?”

Regina hesitated, before nodding slowly, and awkwardly shuffling on her feet - as long as she could see you, she was happy, so as soon as your Uncle turned to walk back into the house, she followed, her mother hot on her heels behind her.

🜚

“Sorry again, Ms George,” your Uncle began hesitantly, once they had all entered the house, and he had shut the front door to keep the wind out, “about the call.”

Regina’s mother would appear confused, looking between Regina and your Uncle as she tried to make sense of what was going on, right now, given that she hadn’t been around to hear the phone call between you and her daughter not too long ago, now.

“It’s fine,” Regina responded in a voice barely audible, cautiously watching him as he made his way over to the kitchen table, before awkwardly sitting down upon one of the chairs, looking as if his back were hurting him as he did; he’d never been quite so energetic after he’d been bucked off one of the horses, here, a little while ago, now, “but-.. why? Why was Y/n talking like that? Like she was about to get taken away, or - or even killed? You haven’t told us anything about that, yet-”

“In due time,” he reassured, before smiling apologetically over at Regina, and gesticulating for them to sit at the table with him, “first, maybe you should make yourselves comfortable for a little while, before I let anyone go up there and see her.”

Regina hesitated, at first, mostly because she didn’t want to waste anymore time when she could be going upstairs, and making sure that you were okay, right now, the way she wanted to ever since she’d got the call from you, in the first place.

“Regina, honey, let’s do as he says, okay?” Mrs. George encouraged, and Regina would roll her eyes, before nodding gravely, and moving toward the table before her mother could guide her toward it instead.

“Thank you, Mrs. George,” your Uncle replied, evidently grateful as he himself was struggling to keep up a strong front right now, considering what he knew he would be having to tell them both about you, soon, “this might be easier, sitting down, than it would be standing up - that’s why I thought this would be better, for all of us.” Regina couldn’t help, but scowl down at the table, as she fidgeted with her hands, desperate to get this over with so she could check on you, like he said she’d be able to earlier, before they all had gone inside to talk about what had happened, first. “Now that we’re here,” he began again slowly, in more of a strained manner, before forcing a smile up at them both, “I-..” He sighed, before standing up again, and making toward one of the countertops, Regina cautiously tracking his every move, though it did make her feel a little guilty, suspecting him of anything right now when he’d always been good to her, as well as you, whenever she was here, and not either at home, out with her other friends, or stuck at Northshore high. “Would anybody like a coffee, at all, or-?” He asked, and Mrs. George would practically jump on the idea, before she looked toward her daughter, only for her to continue protesting again; she wouldn’t accept anything, until she was allowed to see you.

“I’m fine,” she claimed dismissively, her mother frowning over at her, but she wouldn’t pay her any attention as your Uncle nodded patiently; respectfully, before he continued to the kettle to begin the process of making himself as well as Mrs. George a coffee - it was needed to keep them awake, of course, considering it was already so late, by now, for the two of them, whilst Regina’s energy was coming completely from her telling herself she wouldn’t do anything, until she was allowed to see you and make sure that you were okay, the way she feared you weren’t, alone right now, after you’d broken down over the phone the way you had still for a reason currently unbeknownst to her, during this moment in time.

“So, what - what happened with this call I’m only just hearing about?” Mrs. George inquired, and your Uncle would tense up, before warily looking back toward Regina and her mother.

“Y/n called me,” Regina answered, her voice a little dejected as she averted her gaze down to her hands again, “I thought you knew that-”

“No, I just - I didn’t know; I thought she messaged you, or something,” Mrs. George explained apologetically, as well as a little exasperatedly again, “I’m sorry, honey, but I didn’t - what happened on the call?”

“She was scared,” she replied again, a pained expression on her face as she had to try and swallow the lump forming within her throat again, “I could tell, she was - she-”

“She was taken, a few years ago,” your Uncle revealed, his voice barely audible, and both Regina and Mrs. George would fall quiet, looking over at him with wide eyes, before he sighed heavily, and brought over the two mugs to the table.

“Taken?” Regina managed, her heart feeling as if it were being squeezed for a moment as her voice threatened to tremble, your Uncle nodding gravely as he slowly sat back down opposite them, wrapping his hands around the mug as if he were seeking comfort from it, somehow - it was something he would forever and always hate having to talk about; hate having to even think about, or being reminded of, but he guessed some things were just doomed to stick with you forever, somehow.

“I guess she-.. well, it haunts the both of us, sometimes,” he admitted gravely, Regina and Mrs. George clinging to his every word, “you see, she was still quite small, when it happened; after the divorce, and her father had started drinking, she was alone a lot of the time, and this man, he-.. he broke into the house, the police said, and when he saw her..” Your Uncle faltered, his voice briefly trembling as he lifted his mug to his lips for a moment, needing something to try and help him hold himself together for them, as well as you; you needed him to stay strong now, more than ever, he believed, considering you were still being haunted by the man who’d taken you the way he did. “Well, he-.. you can imagine, what he did, right? It was a few days, at least, almost a week, or two,” he continued, after a little while he’d taken to recompose himself, knowing he had to continue at some point, feeling it was owed to Regina to know what had prompted you to break down the way you did, not too long ago, now, after the nightmare you’d had, “before the police found her - she hardly..” His voice broke again as he murmured a shaky and quick apology, secret tears clouding his vision, only making Regina feel worse for suspecting him a brief moment ago of hurting you and scaring you the way she feared he did earlier. “Let’s just say,” he managed after drawing in a sharp breath; another sip of his coffee, his head still partially bowed, “his voice, tonight, brought back memories for her, of dark rooms, and broken bones.” He sighed again, this time a little more strained as he smiled sadly up at the both of them, before bowing his head once more a little, feeling more small tears beginning to cloud his vision as he did, but neither of them dared say anything for a moment, until he continued. “It always does,” he added dejectedly, his voice close to a whisper, and Regina frowned as she started piecing things together, her eyes darkening whilst she did.

When she felt as if she could, she hastily lifted her head, leaning forward in her chair as she did, surprising her mother as she looked over at Regina, evidently startled by her previous moment beside her.

“Can I see her? Please?” She requested, her voice full of a new urgency; a more anxious desperation, and your Uncle would hesitate, before sighing again, and looking toward the staircase - he guess he did tell her that she could earlier, after all.

🜚

“She likes you, you know that, right?” Your Uncle stated, as he and Regina lingered by the door to your bedroom, a relieved, but still pained expression on her face as she looked over you to make sure that you were okay, now; that you weren’t scared anymore, or hadn’t somehow got yourself wounded in your previous bout of fright - you seemed okay, and it was only when she’d made such a determination that she could breathe again.

Regina hesitantly glanced up at him, though she didn’t like much the idea of looking away the way she just had, feeling as if she should to make it known that she was listening to him, just to avoid being disrespectful, especially considering he was your Uncle, only making her feel like - even more - she should treat him with respect, too, considering she could tell he’d always looked after you, as well as always been good to her ever since she’d joined the stable hand program earlier this year.

“She does?” She replied, her voice light, whilst a soft smile played on her lips - sometimes she got this weird feeling as if she were afraid that she might lose you, somehow, exactly like the one she’d experienced earlier, after the call had ended the way it did, and she couldn’t explain it; she just never wanted things to change; just wanted to stay here, with you, and the thought would fluster her a little as she winced, and hastily averted her gaze to try and hide that blood was rushing up to her cheeks for a reason unbeknownst to her, even as she was stood where she was right now, hardly able to keep her eyes off of your sleeping frame.

“She does,” your Uncle repeated, smiling warmly back at Regina as he rested his left hand upon her right shoulder - a silent thank you, until he could muster up a true one once he’d recomposed himself once more, still thinking about what that man had done to you years ago to the point it was unbearable; overwhelmingly excruciatingly, as well as frustrating, but he couldn’t let it get to him too long, not now, “and she hardly likes anyone - sometimes I’m not sure she even likes me, but I suppose I don’t blame her.”

“She likes you,” she reassured him gently, the words escaping her lips before she even knew that she was allowing them to; she didn’t want him to think that you thought bad things about him for what happened all those years ago, “I’ve seen what it’s like, Y/n not liking someone, and the way she is around you, is not that.”

“Is that so?” Your Uncle responded, and she could hear that he was smiling, making her feel a little better; warmer, and brighter, to know that she’d made him feel better, as he should considering he’d been the only one taking care of you even before your parents had divorced the way they did years ago, now. She hummed in agreement, certain of herself, and he would express relief, his eyes glinting a little as he smiled back at you, glad to see that you were sleeping peacefully, at the moment, whilst also being overjoyed to hear such words from Regina; he hated doubting that you at least trusted him after what had been done to you, but sometimes it just hit him - hard - and completely at random, but somehow he felt it wouldn’t happen anymore, now, or at least he hoped against hope that it wouldn’t, now that Regina had made such a revelation about you. “I’m glad,” he continued quietly; thoughtfully, before he turned to face her fully, and she would appear a little nervous, looking over at him again as she wondered what he may be about to say; whether he was about to kick her out, or about to leave you and her alone together, though she couldn’t imagine why either possibilities scared her as much as they seemed to, “but not just because of your kind words, Ms. George. You see, Y/n’s never really smiled, and didn’t talk as much as she does, now, and I think it’s because of you - that’s why I’m not only grateful for your words, and reassurance, but-.. I’m also grateful that-..” He fell quiet again, trying to stop his voice trembling for a moment whilst Regina smiled sympathetically over at him; she could see this was a struggle for him in more ways than one, after all he’d had to go through alongside you regarding your parents’ divorce, and then you disappearing shortly after it had taken place - if she were in his position, she herself didn’t know what she’d do, nor did she know if she’d even be able to fare if she had to go through what you had had to, even if it had been a while ago that you’d been taken the way you had, now. “Y/n,” he concluded gently, “I’m grateful she has you, above anything else - keep doing what you do, won’t you? Not only for me, but for you, and Y/n, too - you need each other, I can see that; we all need someone, don’t we?”

“I won’t disappoint you, nor will I ever let Y/n down, I promise,” Regina vowed, her voice firm, but still gentle, and close to a whisper; she herself feared breaking down somehow in front of him, as well as you, whilst another part of her was afraid of waking you up, and having you get scared again, “c-can I-..” She sighed, before awkwardly averting her gaze; it was difficult for her to get the words out, right now, though she wanted more than anything to stay here with you, at least just for tonight, so she could protect you, if only he’d let her. “I know this might be a lot for me to ask, but-.. can I-.. can I stay here, tonight, with - with her?” She managed, the question coming out faster than she thought it would, just because she was scared she would break down, or just start stammering again if she voiced it any slower, but your Uncle just smiled softly, a thoughtful look on his face, before he nodded slowly, prompting Regina’s eyes to glint, before she smiled sheepishly over at him, feeling lighter than she ever had before.

“Sure,” he answered simply, “I’m sure your mother wouldn’t mind, just - call me, if Y/n-.. y’know, has another nightmare, and I’ll take over for you, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.”

Regina would wince, before nodding hastily, and managing a quick as well as barely audible ‘will do’, before your Uncle left the room, and disappeared back down the stairs, leaving her alone in the room with you.

🜚

At first, she didn’t know what to do with herself, warily looking over at you again as she subconsciously fidgeted with her fingers, before she inched closer to you, and carefully sat down upon your bed beside you. You were so peaceful; so quiet, that she even subconsciously made sure that you were still breathing, worried for a moment that you’d stopped because you were so limp, but your chest was still rising and falling steadily. She smiled softly, before laying down beside you quietly, wanting to make sure that - by staying as close to you as she possibly could be - you were safe; that you weren’t being plagued by another nightmare, but it relieved her to see you so peaceful that you couldn’t be being tortured by your memories again - at least she hoped you weren’t, of course there was no way to be able to tell if you were, or weren’t in the process of being plunged into such a nightmare again.

“Y/n?” She cooed, wanting to make sure that you were asleep, and weren’t - also - pretending to be asleep to trick her at the same time, though she felt bad for asking, when she saw you so peaceful, the way that you were, now. It relieved her to not achieve a response from you, but at the same time it also pained her a little to know that she’d have to wait until morning to speak to you, as long as you didn’t awaken from a nightmare again before then.

🜸

“Your daughter,” your Uncle began, as he re-entered the kitchen where Mrs. George was currently sitting, still drinking her coffee whilst she anxiously waited for Regina to come back downstairs, clearly unaware of her daughter’s decision, during this moment in time, “she’s decided she wants to stay upstairs with Y/n, if that’s okay with you?”

She sat up, surprised, before setting her phone back down upon the table to turn toward your Uncle, whilst she tried to hide that she was slightly perturbed by this revelation, only because she’d not been expecting it, and had been keen to get home.

“Sure,” she replied, injecting at least some brightness into her voice; she knew how much you meant to her daughter, and she didn’t want to force Regina away from you, “why not?”

Your Uncle nodded, before smiling softly over at her, as he took his coat off of the hanger again, knowing he should make sure the horses were asleep, by now, before retiring for the night.

“Now that we both know about your daughter, and my niece,” he continued, as he took up his flashlight, “I figure maybe we should fully introduce ourselves, what do you say?”

Mrs. George appeared taken aback, evidently surprised by his suggestion, but she’d feel guilty if she turned it down, and didn’t see any particular reason as to why she should as she smiled warmly over at him, and got up out of her seat, before she held out her right hand, and said: “June.”

🜸

It didn’t take long for Regina to get comfortable, but almost as soon as she had, carefully wrapping her arms around you, you tensed up within her embrace, whimpering barely audibly as your eyelids began to flutter open a bit, though they were still heavy. Regina winced, hastily closing her eyes as if it would help her to pretend that she were asleep, but that didn’t stop you from carefully turning around within her arms.

“R-Reg?” You managed, your voice close to a whisper, and she would falter upon hearing your voice, hastily glancing over at you as she locked eyes with you for a moment, her heart skipping a beat.

“Hi,” she replied sleepily, unable to hold back a smile from you as you admired her subconsciously, your heart pounding alongside her own, “I - I’m sorry, I just wanted-.. I came to make sure you’re okay; that - that you’re happy - I was worried about you.”

You frowned, a pained expression on your face, before you looked away, and turned a little away from her, lying upon your back instead of your left side.

“You shouldn’t have been,” you responded dejectedly, “I-.. I shouldn’t have called you, I just-.. I - I wanted to hear your voice, and-.. and to-.. to tell you that I-.. that you mean a lot to me, a-and that if I got taken away, you should-..”

Regina shook her head subconsciously, before lifting her left hand up to your right cheek; she wasn’t sure why - it just felt right, and part of her wanted to feel how soft your cheeks looked.

“I could never forget you,” she stated, and you would falter, your head turning toward her own again, and for a moment you both just locked eyes again, your hearts beating as one; the air growing hotter between you both, and for a moment you wondered if you were floating, even as you glanced down at her lips, and she at your partially agape ones, until she finally leaned forward, and allowed her own to connect with your’s.

🜸

“You like horses, don’t you, June?” Cal - Your Uncle - asked Regina’s mother, as she surveyed them all peacefully, trying not to get too excited or skittish around them; she’d always liked horses - well, the ones that weren’t a few hands taller than her, which she often considered to be intimidating as well as scary, somehow, even with their hairy hooves and often calm demeanour.

“Sure, I like them,” she answered, as she warily tucked a stray piece of her hair behind her right ear. “It’s only the really big ones that make me feel uncomfortable,” she added, and Cal couldn’t help, but chuckle, before he stopped before Firenze’s stall, your Black Leopard Chimera Friesian, who appeared to currently be half asleep, if Felicity, your White Friesian wasn’t currently bothering him the way that she was.

“You wouldn’t like Y/n’s horses, then,” he stated, before gesticulating toward them whilst June cautiously watched him approach their stall doors - he only stopped briefly in front of Firenze’s, before passing toward Felicity’s, seeing he needed to try and relax her, somehow, for her makeshift sibling’s sake - they certainly acted as if they were siblings, squabbling the way that they did, whether they were of the same bloodline, or not.

June hesitated, not sure what to make of them as Felicity whinnied as well as snorted at Cal, before playfully trying to nibble at his fingers, just like she tended to try and do whenever you were around her, too. Firenze was certainly the calmer of the two, except from when you were out riding with him - as soon as you’re in the saddle, and out on the field with him, he tended to like bolting almost as much as Felicity did.

“I - I mean,” June began again quietly, trying to hide that she was a little nervous around them, as she inched closer to Felicity’s stall, being encouraged to by Cal as he stroked the mare’s mane, “they’re certainly - interesting looking horses.”

“Cross-bred, I fear,” Cal admitted sympathetically, “we decided at an auction to rescue them from whatever hell-hole they must have came from, before.”

“How very - considerate, of you,” June remarked, and Cal would hum softly in agreement, before smiling his thanks over at her.

“Well, it did start off as being Y/n’s idea,” he revealed, as Felicity tried to nibble at his fingers again, whilst Firenze surveyed the group peacefully, “but-..” He sighed, a pained expression crossing his face again as he looked away from June; a look similar to the one he’d been holding and trying to hide from them earlier, whilst he was telling her and her daughter about what had happened to you, a few years ago, now. “I remember she told me she wanted to rescue as many horses as she possibly could, when she was a little girl, and at the time of that auction these two were almost as small as she was - she took one look at them and knew something wasn’t right; I remember she tugged on my sleeve, and was almost crying when I turned to look at her, and she never got to see them growing from the foals that they were, into these two beauties, by the time she could come back - life kept her away from me, you see, with the divorce; her being taken..” He trailed off, his eyes darkening again as Felicity nuzzled at his hand, no longer making any attempt at all to nibble at his fingers the way that she was, before, sensing his sadness, as well as frustration at how he’d not been able to do anymore than he had tried to help you, before, but he guessed that that was years ago, now, and that he shouldn’t be dwelling on it anymore, but it was too hard to forget, and too easy to remember.

“I understand,” June expressed, smiling sadly at Cal as she leaned against the stall door beside him, Felicity eyeing her curiously, “it’s hard, losing the people you really care about.” Cal would nod gravely as he stared ahead of him thoughtfully, June tensing up a little beside him as she thought about how she’d actually miscarried, a few years after Regina had been born. “Regina had a little sister, named Kylie,” she began timidly, her voice barely audible as Cal surveyed her, listening to every word whilst Felicity seemed to grow a little more comfortable around June, her blue eyes trained on her, before they occasionally flickered to Cal, or even Firenze as he lightly snored in the stall beside her, “she didn’t get a chance, at life - I-.. I miscarried, when.. when I thought she’d survive.. I guess the doctors did warn me, but..” She drew in a shaky breath, and Cal would frown, trying to provide comfort to her by wrapping his arms around her, as she tried to continue, only to break down, and return the embrace, crying quietly into his left shoulder. “Regina, she - she doesn’t talk about her, but,” June managed shakily, her voice close to a feeble whisper, “I know she thinks about her, even if she tries to hide it from me; she was excited, too, at the idea of having a little sister - she really was, a-and I really tried; I swear I did, but-”

“There was nothing that you could have done, Mrs. George,” Cal reassured her gently, as he rubbed her back to try and soothe her even more, Felicity still looking on at them, “these things, they just-.. just seem to - happen, when you least expect, or want them to; life can be cruel, but love - I’ve learnt - love can be crueler.”

🜸

“Shit,” Regina whispered, after she pulled away, wincing as she silently cursed herself for losing control like she just had, allowing herself to kiss you, but it was hard for her to deny that it wasn’t something she’d been wanting to do, and feel for a while.

You frowned, feeling empty ever since the kiss had ended, and you couldn’t bear to see the pained expression on her face, as if she didn’t feel the butterflies fluttering within the depths of her stomach the way they were your’s, right now.

“You-.. You didn’t like it, did you?” You guessed, your voice barely audible as you stared over at her with dark eyes, prompting her heart to sink as she averted her gaze, subconsciously sitting up as she did beside you, only making you feel worse; you guessed you shouldn’t have expected anything more, or else to happen, when she kissed you the way she did, and you’d melted into her touch - you only wished that things that felt so perfect could hurt less, as the pain you were currently trying to hide from her was next to unbearable; excruciating, but it wasn’t something new to you, as you - too - forced yourself to look away, staring dejectedly up at the ceiling as she tried to recompose herself, her breathing pattern unnaturally staggered, and uneven, whilst her heart pounded overwhelmingly alongside your own.

“This is-.. I - I’m not-.. I-.. fuck-!” She concluded, finding she couldn’t quite get the right words out; she didn’t know how to feel, right now - the kiss she’d just shared with you was like no other that she’d ever been part of, before, and it terrified her. As soon as her lips had been against your’s, it was like the whole world just fell away; it was just you two, alone, as if you both were the last two people on earth; like she was a lit firework, desperate to soar even higher - it had filled her with energy; elation, to be with you like that; to have her lips brushing against your own, and it was hard more than anything else had ever been before, for her to not turn back around, and initiate an even deeper kiss. “I didn’t think-..” She continued weakly, as she forced herself up off of the bed, whilst you silently begged her with everything within you to stay. “I’m sorry, Y/n, okay?” She managed, noticing the worried as well as hurt look on your face whilst she lingered by your bedroom door, as if she were about to slip through it, and get away from you as fast as she possibly could, if only something wasn’t gluing her to where she was stood, right now, for a reason unbeknownst to her. “I can’t do this; I can’t stay; I can’t kiss you - I don’t know why I thought I could, o-or should, I just-.. you understand, right? T-There’s Shane, a-and this is all - this is all so confusing, I just-”

“It’s fine,” you reassured her gently, though she could hear in your voice the pain you were currently trying to harbour from her, “don’t worry about it, okay? I should-.. I should get back to sleep, but-..”

“Right,” Regina agreed, before wincing again, as if she’d forgotten so easily, after she’d allowed herself to kiss you the way she did, a brief moment ago; it was like she’d forgotten a lot of things, until the kiss had sadly been broken - something she couldn’t help, but hate herself for. “S-Sorry,” she added, her voice barely audible again, before she drew in a shaky breath, and you smiled sadly up at her. “I-.. I should-”

“Don’t let me keep you,” you stated, and she would frown, before nodding gravely, and bowing her head.

“I hope you sleep well,” she replied, and you would wince, doubting that you would, especially now, but you didn’t dare show her the pained expression on your face that would suggest otherwise, after you’d nodded and forced a smile again.

“You too,” you returned awkwardly, though your heart was aching excruciatingly still alongside her own, to the point that you wished you could just tear it out of your chest, and break it apart in your hands, before offering the remaining pieces to her, whether she wanted them, or not; you’d never stop dreaming of a life with her - that’s all you knew, now.

“Thanks,” she responded gently, trying not to allow her voice to tremble as she avoided eye contact with you for a moment, before bowing her head completely as she shuffled awkwardly on the spot, “w-well, goodnight, a-and I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, won’t I?”

The question felt more like a plead, and you couldn’t help, but surrender to it, your eyes widening a little, before you nodded hastily, not wanting her to think that you’d abandon her like that, though it didn’t sound like a bad idea to just try and get yourself to disappear, somehow, after what had just occurred between you both a brief moment ago, before this moment in time.

“I - I’ll be there, tomorrow,” you reassured, your voice briefly cracking, and she would express relief, before smiling her thanks to you, though all she could manage right now was a faint one, through the pain she was currently experiencing alongside you for a reason unbeknownst to her, “a-and here, after school, y’know, d-doing what I usually do, so-..”

“Good,” she mused thoughtfully; gratefully, “that’s - that’s good - I’m.. I’m glad, I-.. I’ll see you there, o-or here, I-..” She awkwardly cleared her throat, before managing another timid smile in your direction. “See you tomorrow, Y/n,” she concluded gently, before drawing in another strained breath, and dragging herself from the room.

🜸

“I think she likes you,” Cal stated, as Felicity whinnied at June, before allowing her to begin scratching at her left ear, all whilst she leaned into her touch, but before either of them could continue, Firenze seemed jealous, waking up shortly after in response to the commotion, before he got up off of the ground, and neither for Cal to stroke him, too, as well as his makeshift sister.

“You do?” June mused, subconsciously smiling over at him, not worried anymore that Felicity might nibble at her fingers the way she feared the mare would, before, seeing her all playful with Cal, earlier.

“Without a doubt,” Cal answered, “that’s unusual, for her, as well as her brother - they’re comfortable around me and Y/n, and understandably so, but around other people, except for you and your daughter, they seem-.. anxious - that’s why I only really allow myself or Y/n to ride them, outside of the arenas - well, only when there’s a lesson going on inside.”

“I see,” June responded thoughtfully, “so they’re that difficult, huh?”

“They can be,” he agreed hesitantly, “but not if you show them who’s the boss, as well as treat them with the respect that they deserve - isn’t that right, guys?”

“If only they had a better upbringing,” June mused sympathetically, and Cal would nod gravely beside her.

“They’ll get there, someday, I hope,” Cal continued gently, as he began stroking at Firenze’s left ear, “I have faith, Mrs. George, and faith is what will get us all through to where we need to go, in the end-”

“Mom? Mr. L/n?” Regina called, hugging herself as she walked toward the stable, shivering a little - the wind was picking up even more, somehow, since she’d left.

June would falter upon hearing her daughter’s voice, looking toward the double doors, whilst Cal seemed to tense up behind her, his eyes full of worry, as well as the concern he was currently holding for both you and Regina, wondering if you had had another nightmare, and that’s why she’d left all of a sudden, though he couldn’t imagine why the sleep medication would have worn off so fast, especially to enable you to be plunged into another nightmare like he assumed you had been, until Regina had rushed inside, looking shaken up, as well as a little guilty, her eyes dark, and hands barely visibly trembling at her sides.

June didn’t hesitate to - upon noticing the state her daughter was currently in - to rush over to Regina, before throwing her arms around her.

“What’s wrong, sweetie? You’re cold, we should get you inside before you get sick - is it Y/n?” She questioned, whilst Cal warily approached the both of them, Firenze and Felicity going back to squabbling rather than watching the group.

Regina didn’t know what to say, at first, hiding her face from the both of them as she neglected to return her mother’s embrace, finding herself unable to move for a moment as guilt positively consumed her; she wished she’d never left your side, now, especially the way she had, leaving you so dejected and confused, whilst she tried not to meet your Uncle’s worried gaze; she didn’t want to tell him what had happened; didn’t want to tell him that that was why she was leaving - that she was scared of how the kiss had made her feel, especially when she had been the one to initiate it in the first place.

So many questions were circling in her mind to the point that there had never been anything more overwhelming - whilst her mother tried to get answer after answer out of her, there were whispers of why she’d let herself kiss you, in the first place; whispers of why you’d returned the kiss, and - above all of them - why she had enjoyed it, more than she had ever enjoyed any other kiss she’d ever shared with anyone else.

“Is she okay?” Cal asked, and she only felt worse, hearing his voice briefly cracking; she’d never intended to worry him like that, remembering the promise she’d made him to never let you down, whilst she couldn’t help, but think about the day she’d found you having a panic attack within the stable, when you were least expecting yourself to.

She was meant to be mucking up with you again, at the time, as she rushed toward the stable, trudging through the mud that had formed after the rain had poured down heavily that day - the lessons had all been cancelled, because of it, she remembered being disappointed about, but she understood why. Only the stable hands were allowed to come by, and past the information point, but there weren’t many so it was quite quiet, but - in a way - she liked how quiet it was, mostly because she knew it would be rare, then, for anyone to come by and interrupt her incoming time with you, and the soft smile would probably never have left her face, if she didn’t hear someone sounding like you crying inside.

As soon as she heard you, her heart dropped, and smile faded as she lingered by the door for a moment, not sure what to do; why it hurt so much, to hear you like that, and she worried that maybe it would be intrusive of her to go inside, now, whilst you were in a state like that, but something pushed her to open the doors before she could even think to go and get your Uncle, instead. She had to see you; she didn’t want to leave you alone like that, and her legs took over for her, before her doubts could.

She appeared nervous, as well as concerned, her eyes darkening as soon as her gaze fell upon you, curled up, and crying against the back wall, a shovel laid down to your right beside you, only worrying her even more as she wondered if you’d somehow hurt yourself, or had fallen over whilst she was gone, as she rushed up to you, and crouched down beside you, her heart pounding alongside your own, faster than it ever had before.

“Y/n?” She strained out, her voice briefly trembling, and full of dread as she reached out to cradle your body close to her own, but you moved away before she could get any closer, evidently startled, and somehow scared of her for a reason unbeknownst to her, as if she were instead a figment of a horrible memory, rather than your friend, prompting her heart to sink and ache even further, as if it were being squeezed tightly within her chest at the very thought, of having you react to her in the way that you currently were, terrified of her, and shaking visibly against the wall.

The horses around you both seemed a little agitated, as well, upon seeing you in such a state, especially Firenze and Felicity as they looked on curiously at you both, their eyes also full of worry, whilst an occasional whinny came from their direction as if they were trying to get either you, or Regina’s attention

“G-Get away from me!” You cried, your voice close to a shaky whisper that might soon break down alongside you, as if everything within you was collapsing, somehow; your very core was being shaken by what you thought you’d seen, a brief moment ago.

Regina subconsciously shook her head, a hurt look on her face as she inched closer to you; she knew you didn’t mean it - that this wasn’t you seeing what was really in front of you. At the time, your Uncle had warned her of how you were liable to having panic attacks, but they weren’t very common, and were often easily rectified if ever in an emergency situation like if you ever had one during a riding lesson with the students your Uncle allowed into the place.

“Y/n, it’s me,” she cooed, her voice ever so gentle, and you would hesitate, before glancing up at her, your breathing slowing down as soon as your tearful and sore gaze fell upon her.

“R-Regina?” You managed, and she couldn’t help, but breathe a sigh of relief, her eyes glinting whilst a soft smile tugged at the corners of her lips again, brightening her up like a lighthouse would the ocean, and you couldn’t help, but get lost in her eyes, feeling safer around her than you ever had with anyone else before.

“You’re okay,” she continued, and you wouldn’t hesitate to collapse into her arms as she drew you close to her, once you allowed her to, and had recognised her to be - well, her, and not your kidnapper, all those years ago, “I promise - you’re safe here, and you always will be, no matter what.”

“I thought-..” You whispered feebly, your voice still shaking, whilst you tried to calm yourself down, focussing on her warmth to the best of her ability, rather than the picture of your kidnapper breaking into your room, a flashlight in his hand, whilst he held a crowbar in his other one. You drew in a shaky breath, clinging to her jacket tighter as you whimpered quietly, fighting back another strained sob to the best of your ability. “Him,” you managed again weakly, “I thought I saw him.”

You then winced, remembering she didn’t know about what had happened to you, before - well, she knew about everything regarding the divorce, but nothing about the kidnapping, so to speak.

“Him?” Regina mused, a pained expression on her face whilst you sniffled barely audibly against her left shoulder, not daring to glance up at her for fear of what she’d think of you; of what she’d achieve out of you - she had that kind of effect on you; the one that made you feel like you could tell her anything, and everything, and the truth was so close on your lips, but you couldn’t let it slip out; you never wanted to think, or even talk about it, ever again, if only your brain would allow you to forget it, forever, after today.

“My dad,” you managed, instead, trying to hide that it had relieved you, to be able to lie, like you just had, “I saw him - he - he was drinking again, he-.. he was shouting, a-and I-.. I-”

“It’s okay,” she reassured you again hastily, not wanting you to panic anymore than you already had as she lifted her right hand up to the back of your head, allowing her to stroke your hair, soothing you more than you thought possible as you drew in a barely audible breath again, and buried your face into the crook of her neck, prompting her to shudder a little, but she tried to hide that you’d flustered her as she pretended to cough, and you appeared a little dejected, closing your eyes tightly to try and fight back the remaining of your tears, “I’m here - I’m here, Y/n, a-and I’m always gonna be here for you, I promise, I-.. no matter what; he isn’t here anymore, and he can never hurt you again - I’d never let him; he wouldn’t ever be able to even touch a hair on your head, I swear, because he wouldn’t get through me - I swear on my life that he wouldn’t; you trust me, don’t you?”

You would appear taken aback by the question, before nodding hastily, sniffling again, and locking eyes with her, making your heart feel as if it had stopped, for a moment, as you tried not to get lost within her orbs again.

“M-More than anything,” you answered, without hesitation, “I - I’ve trusted you ever since I first met you, Reg.”

“Good,” she replied, evidently relieved to hear as much, before she smiled timidly over at you, prompting your heart to skip a beat, and you to forget how to breathe for a moment - how to even function, if she didn’t affectionately connect her forehead to your own, in an attempt to further provide comfort to you, seeing that you needed it still for a reason unbeknownst to her, “I’m glad, because - because I’ve also trusted you ever since I first met you, too - you’re-.. a really good friend; you always have been, and I wanna repay you for being here for me the way you have been.”

You tried to hide that the words ‘really good friend’ had dejected you, prompting you to smile half-heartedly back at her whilst your eyes darkened, and heart squeezed within your chest, feeling as if someone were trying to tear it to pieces somehow, whilst all you could do was watch, and feel it get broken in so many more ways in one, no matter how close you and Regina currently were - the pain would never go away, not until you stopped dreaming of a life with her, as well as stopped being plunged into nightmares about your past - something you feared could never happen, no matter how much you wanted it to. Besides - even if you were reluctant to let your dreams concerning her go - you knew that someone as perfect as her could never feel the same way for someone like you, could they?

‘I’m always gonna be here for you, I promise.’ Her own words kept circling her mind, even as Cal inched closer, his hands trembling a little whilst June, her mother, held her at arm’s length, tears slowly beginning to stream down her cheeks again.

“She’s fine,” Regina managed, barely audibly, her heart pounding uncomfortably again as she averted her gaze down to the ground once more, as soon as Cal expressed relief, before bowing his own head alongside her; he’d evidently been afraid that maybe you’d had a nightmare again, and freaked out on her, but it didn’t completely take his dread away, considering she was here, and not still up there with you.

“That’s good,” June mused, her voice gentle, and eyes never leaving her daughter, as if she were trying to search for the answer upon her to why she’d left you so suddenly, when you’d not even had a nightmare like they feared you had, as soon as they laid eyes upon her so shaken up again, “but-”

“Don’t,” she interjected, her eyes widening, voice trembling, whilst she tried not to allow a strained sob to escape her; talking wasn’t helping, when she was on the verge of breaking down again, “please.”

June winced, before smiling apologetically back at Cal, who sighed barely audibly, before nodding gravely back at her; he understood - it was difficult, and he didn’t want to force Regina in any way, shape, or form, to tell either of them about what had happened when she was set completely against doing so, for a reason unbeknownst to herself as well as the two before her. In a way, it felt like it was something dangling upon the tip of her tongue; she longed to tell people, in secret, that she’d kissed you, and that scared her - it was almost like an addiction, because at the same time she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to share any detail, at all, instead of going back upstairs to do it all over again.

She drew in a sharp breath, wishing she could stop thinking, and not just about the kiss, but also about how much she’d relaxed into it; how it made her feel - she couldn’t stop thinking about you, about all the times you’d smiled sheepishly in her direction, causing her heart to jump somehow in her chest, whilst she began to feel warm and fuzzy each time. She thought about all the times she held you, and you held her, and it was almost enough to make her smile softly down at the ground, until she remembered what had happened between you both a brief moment ago, and how it had ended; how she’d pulled away, and cursed herself for feeling anything for you, without you actually knowing that she did, and feared she always had.

June awkwardly cleared her throat, looking between Regina and your Uncle for a moment whilst she tried to think about the right words to say, now, after what had just happened, with her fleeing your room the way that she had.

“Maybe we should-”

“It might be for the best,” Cal interrupted dejectedly, and June would frown, before nodding gravely, whilst Regina didn’t dare say another word, not sure what to do with herself, now; not sure what to even feel, or think, anymore, now that she’d allowed herself to kiss you the way that she did, “but you can always come around another time, if you want to.”

“T-The place is gonna be open tomorrow, right?” Regina asked, her voice close to a whisper, and Cal would tense up, before nodding slowly, and smiling apologetically in her direction. “And Y/n’ll be-?” She continued, just to make sure.

“She’ll be here,” he reassured her, his eyes still warm regardless of what had just happened between her and you, as well as after the conversation she had had with him, promising that she wouldn’t let either you, or him down, “even if it rains - I take it we’ll still see you tomorrow, then, won’t we, Ms. George?”

“Yes,” Regina answered, without hesitation this time, and Cal would nod as well as smile his thanks to her, glad to see she at least wasn’t giving up on you, even though he and her mother still didn’t know why things had evidently changed the way they had.

“Then we’ll see you tomorrow,” he concluded gently, “goodnight, both of you, and I hope to see both of you again soon, outside of work and riding hours, if you ever wanna come around again.”

🜚

“What was that?” June questioned, once she and her daughter had left the barn, as well as Cal inside it, walking hastily back toward the car mostly because of Regina’s fast pace, but it didn’t stop her from occasionally as well as guilty and dejectedly glancing up at the house you were still meant to be sleeping within.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Regina answered simply, her voice barely audible, and sounding strained, as if she were struggling to hold herself together; struggling to stop it from trembling, even now; even after she’d kissed you, something she’d been subconsciously dreaming of doing for a while, now, only to find herself panicking, and drawing back the way she did though it had been one of the most blissful feelings she’d ever experienced before, to have her lips slot perfectly against your own.

“That might be the case, Regina, but I think this is something we should talk about,” her mother contradicted, and Regina would tense up, wincing, as she bowed her head, and hugged her arms closer to her chest, “why did you leave like that? Did Y/n do something to you?”

Regina faltered in place, her legs failing as she stopped in place, her eyes darkening; she couldn’t let you take the fall for her, even if it wouldn’t change how she felt, to have you kiss her, like she’d kissed you a brief moment ago.

“No,” she answered, without hesitation, sounding a little exasperated as she turned sharply on her mother, “she - she didn’t, she-..” She couldn’t stop it, small tears leaking from her eyes as her mother surveyed her curiously, evidently concerned, even as her daughter defended you, and she was still unaware of what had happened between you both. “I-.. It was me, okay?” She admitted weakly, and June’s expression would soften, her eyes growing a little warmer as she tilted her head partially, before lifting her hands up to her daughter’s shoulders.

“It’s okay,” she cooed gently, as Regina gradually began to break down.

“I did it-”

“Don’t cry, sweetie, it’s okay,” June continued in a softer voice as she drew her daughter into her arms, “just tell me what happened, and I’ll try and help you - I promise I will; the damage can’t be that bad, can it?”

“I kissed her,” she answered, in a voice close to a whisper, and June would fall quiet for a moment, realising.

“That’s okay,” she reassured her, and Regina would hesitate, before glancing up at her mother with a pained expression on her face, “h-how did it seem, to you?”

She would appear confused by the question, as well as a little further flustered by it, wincing again, before she bowed her head, and shuffled awkwardly upon the spot whilst she continued to try and swallow the lump back within her throat.

“W-What do you mean?” Regina inquired, as if she didn’t know, but her mother wouldn’t give in - not yet.

“You know what I mean, honey,” June insisted, her eyes trying to meet her daughter’s again, if only they’d let her, “how did the kiss feel, to you? Did you like it?”

“That’s irrelevant,” Regina contradicted, before pulling out of her mother’s embrace, and continuing toward the car, but June continued along the way, rushing after her daughter no matter how fast she walked ahead of her.

“Oh, c’mon, sweetie,” she pried, “I know you, and if you just talk to me about it, maybe I could help you!”

“Well you’re not helping me,” Regina spat, her voice briefly cracking as she opened the right back door of her mother’s car.

“Then tell me how I can help you-”

“You can help me, by shutting up,” she hissed, and June would falter, before nodding gravely, and appearing a little dejected, prompting Regina to falter, and sigh heavily as she looked away from her mother, not sure what had made her snap like that, but - all she knew now - was that she needed to be careful, around you, for her own sake, as much as your’s.

🜸

‘Well you’re not helping me!’ You heard Regina snap at her mother from a few paces below your bedroom window, prompting your heart to sink as you warily inched closer to the wall, before getting up off of your bed to sneak a glance at the two of them outside of their car.

Your lips tingled a little, as you thought back to the kiss, your heart skipping a beat, before it dropped and felt as if it were being squeezed excruciatingly all over again. You drew in a strained, shaky, and barely audible breath, your eyes darkening as you bowed your head a little, before releasing the curtain from your left hand; you shouldn’t dwell on it any longer, especially when you doubted anyone as perfect as her could feel anything for you, too.

“Y/n?” Cal began gently, his voice full of concern again as well as sympathy; he could tell that you were in pain, your shoulders tensing up a little as you glanced back at him, a lump forming within your throat as you scowled shook your head, small tears clouding your vision.

“It wasn’t her,” you claimed, without hesitation, “it - it wasn’t-”

“It’s okay,” he reassured you, a pained expression on his face as he drew closer to you slowly, the car outside slowly beginning to pull out of the drive-way, its wheels crackling upon the gravel, filling up the rest of the painful silence that passed between you both, until you felt able to speak up again.

“It’s not!” You cried, and you couldn’t hold it back anymore, steadily beginning to break down as he wrapped his arms around you, strained sobs slipping from your lips as you shook within his embrace, before returning it tightly, unable to stop thinking about her, and how her lips were so soft against your own, only making the pain worse than it was, before. “It was me! I scared her away; I kissed her,” you added hoarsely, and Cal would realise, his heart sinking alongside your own at such a revelation; he didn’t think Regina would reject you like that, but he held no hatred for anyone, but your father, and the man who had kidnapped you - he knew she must have her reasons, and she did, “it was all me; my fault; m-my stupid brain - she probably hates me, now-”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Cal contradicted hastily, not wanting you to think something like that as he held you at arms length, “I can see that she doesn’t; she probably just-.. needs some time, to think about things, but she told me herself that she’d be back, hopefully tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

You would appear taken aback, your heart skipping a beat, before you glanced up at him, sniffled quietly, and lifted your right hand up to wipe your eyes, but it didn’t stop the smaller tears from leaking out of the corners of them.

“S-She told you that, too?” You mused, and Cal would nod, noting that you’d said ‘too’, and not just ended the question on ‘that’, suggesting to him that you’d also heard from her that she’d be returning, the next day, like he had a brief moment ago.

“You doubted that she would?” He guessed, and you would frown, before nodding gravely, and bowing your head again. “I see,” he continued slowly; thoughtfully, “well, I’m afraid the only thing you can do right now, is not worry about what’s already happened, and instead think about what can be done to make up for it, right?”

“I guess,” you agreed begrudgingly, your voice briefly trembling as you tried to recompose yourself even further, somehow, making yet another failure of an attempt to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Good,” he replied, before smiling softly over at you, but you didn’t feel any better, simply forcing a smile over at him, before you awkwardly shuffled on your feet, trying not to think about the kiss anymore with everything within you, but you found it to be the only thing you could think about, the rest of that night, as soon as Cal had hesitantly retired himself to bed after completing one more check of the horses, now all surprisingly asleep as they should be, until the sun came back up excruciatingly slowly for both you, and Regina, the remainder of that night.

🜸🜚🜸

Regina struggled to focus during the school day, even as she and her friends sat together in the cafeteria, you a little ways away from them; you never really tended to sit together - never even seemed to talk, during the day, until you and her met to work as your Uncle’s stablehands after all the school work was done and over with for you both. As usual, Cady and Aaron were sitting together, followed by Janis and her girlfriend from last year, whilst she, Karen, and Gretchen were sat on the end of the table, each talking amongst themselves peacefully, until Karen asked Regina a question, and she was snapped out of her previous trance of thought, trying not to look in your direction as soon as she’d been broken out of it.

Instead, she looked up at Karen and Gretchen, mustered up a half-hearted ‘hm’, before forcing a smile, and wishing someone would give her an excuse to look in your direction; she was desperate to see how you were; to see if you, too, were possibly thinking about what had occurred the day before, but it terrified her to think about how things could change, if her feelings were reciprocated, especially when she’d not even broken up with Shane, yet.

Gretchen appeared concerned, tilting her head partially in response to Regina’s unexpected reaction; she’d never seen her like this before.

“Are you okay, Regina? You’ve been - unusually quiet, today,” she mused, and Regina would wince, before shrugging, and acting as if she were unperturbed; as if nothing were phasing her, as usual - well, not since she’d recovered from the incident with the bus, last year.

“I’m fine,” she reassured, trying to inject some brightness into her voice, “honestly.” But they clearly didn’t believe her, still watching her curiously for a moment, until Gretchen decided to question her some more as she averted her gaze back down to the bottle of water she’d recently bought - she’d not really felt like eating, today.

“Have you even been listening to anything of what we’re saying?” She pried, and Regina would try and fight back a sigh, nodding begrudgingly as she reluctantly returned her gaze to her friends sat opposite her.

“Sure I have,” she answered, her eyebrows furrowing a little, “why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know,” Gretchen replied, truthfully, “unless you’re hiding something from us - are you?”

Regina tensed up, trying not to glance back at you again, as she fidgeted with her hands under the table, trying to find the right answer she could muster in response to her question.

“No,” she responded, a little defensively, as she tried not to express that she was getting a little flustered again, trying desperately not to remind herself of the kiss yesterday, but - no matter how hard she tried - it always seemed to come back to the front of her mind, as if it were a fresher memory than it truly was, “I’d never hide anything from anyone - especially not you guys.” Both Gretchen and Karen shared a look, and Regina tensed up even more, like a deer caught in headlights, but she wouldn’t let them win against her. “N-Not anymore, I mean,” she added, her voice barely audible, and hasty, as if she were afraid of you overhearing such a response.

“Okay,” Gretchen continued slowly, but Regina could tell that she wasn’t quite out of the woods, yet, “if you really were listening, can you answer Karen’s question about the acorns?”

Acorns? That confused her even more, her eyebrows subconsciously furrowing again as she appeared a little puzzled, before looking toward Karen who looked expectant, as well as a little intrigued, mostly because she still wanted to know if acorns were smarter than people, as well as eager to find out somehow what was plaguing Regina’s train of thought the way they could both tell something was, even as she tried to claim that nothing was vexing her in any way, shape, or form, no matter how much they claimed it was.

“Acorns?” She inquired, subconsciously, forgetting the task at hand, and Karen would make to repeat the question, before Gretchen spoke up again.

“See? You weren’t listening,” she determined, and Regina would try not to roll her eyes, realising she’d messed up, “what’s going on with you, today? You’re being weird; this isn’t - well, you, at all.”

She hesitated, trying to make something up, and fast, especially when she noticed that the whole table had just fallen quiet to her left.

“It - It’s nothing,” Regina stated, avoiding eye contact with each of them, “it’s just - I don’t know, me and Shane had a fight again, earlier - that’s all; it’s not a big deal.”

Gretchen’s expression softened, whilst the others appeared concerned as well as worried about their friend - even Damian, sat currently at least a couple tables away to work on lyrics with his boyfriend, Toby (a recent date of his since even before the night of the prom) - looked up upon hearing it had got a little quieter where the group were sitting, right now - something unusual for their table as a whole, even during the shorter break time that came before lunchtime tended to arrive.

She’d feel bad, she knew - if it weren’t an entire lie; she and Shane had, in fact, briefly fought earlier, just before the school day had started, and she’d first regrouped with the others for the day, but she still felt a little heavy, knowing it was what happened between you and her yesterday that she couldn’t stop thinking about, rather than her arguments with Shane recently.

“Are you okay?” Gretchen inquired, her voice a little lower, since it was more of a personal subject to be discussing right now, only meant for the ears of her friends, and preferably nobody else, you excluded, since you were also her friend, though the others didn’t really know about you, yet, considering you didn’t tend to hang out together during the school day the way she did the others.

“Yeah,” Regina answered genuinely - it didn’t phase her anymore, though it probably should; some of the things he called her were horrible, “I - I’m kinda used to it, now, so - it’s not a problem, I swear-”

“Dump him,” Janis interjected, her girlfriend Lisa nodding beside her, “he doesn’t deserve you, honestly.”

“Janis is right,” Cady corroborated, and Regina would nod thoughtfully, managing a timid smile over at each of them as they spoke, “he doesn’t - it’s like, ever since the year started, he’s been avoiding you; you guys used to hang out more, but now.. I don’t trust him - you should totally just drop him, find someone better - there has to be someone else here that you like, is there?”

She didn’t dare answer, though your name was lingering uncomfortably upon the tip of her tongue, especially after her heart had jumped at Cady’s use of the word ‘someone’, instead of simply just another guy, something that she knew would only make her feel uncomfortable after all she’d been through with her ex boyfriends, and Shane, recently, her recently developing feelings for you only adding to that unsettled pit lingering within her stomach.

“Not that I know of, yet,” she claimed, instead, though she soon found herself unable to stop thinking about you again; your voice, small and sleepy, the night before; your eyes glinting; her brushing her lips against your own - her heart jumped again, and she quickly looked away from Cady, shrugging as she tried to distract herself with her bottle of water, all whilst a soft smile tried desperately to play on the curves of her lips in response to the thought of you, and her kissing you the night before. “But I’ll dump him,” she concluded, certain of herself, sounding determined, whilst her friends all appeared relieved at such a revelation, “I just need to wait for the right time to do it.”

🜚

Gravel cracked beneath her boots as she walked up the driveway of your Uncle’s riding centre, light rain droplets falling upon her and the floor below her as she moved swiftly, hoping to find you out in the riding pasture like your Uncle had stated you would be, in an email to each of the stablehands detailing their timetables today; what they were meant to be doing; where they were meant to be, right now, until - as well as a little after - the riding lessons were done for the day, and the horses were catered for until the next morning.

She wrapped her arms around herself, the wind biting a little though she was wearing a jumper, and quite a thick one, hoping it would keep the cold out completely, before she’d arrived here again. A couple other stablehands walked by her, talking amongst themselves and giggling quietly, until they disappeared around the corner, into the stable, but she didn’t stop and follow them, though she wanted to make sure that you were where you were meant to be, before she interrupted a lesson for no particular reason, except to talk to you about the previous night, not sure yet still what she was hoping for from you, as well as herself.

She also had made sure to keep her head down as she passed them, knowing she was probably supposed to be helping them out with arranging tack for the next set of riders, instead of going to the pasture the way that she was, her heart skipping a beat as soon as she noticed the outdoor riding arena coming into view, opposite the indoor one almost directly. She’d never really been in the indoor riding arena before; it was mainly for private lessons, as well as for the training of the horses who seemed to have more of a - challenging and wild personality than the others did - at least, that was what you’d told her the first day she’d arrived here, and asked you about it.

She couldn’t help, but begin walking a bit faster, determined to make things right, somehow, now more than ever, whether that was by just talking to you about what she did, or by doing something she was more afraid of, but she guessed she’d just have to see how you’d react to her, first, as she leaned against the pasture fence, watching you leading the students on Gile, a Buckskin Tobiano Mustang who had a tendency of being grumpy, especially when you’d first introduced her to him.

You rode so well; she couldn’t help, but watch in awe for a moment - she’d been struggling, herself, to get the hang of it, whenever your Uncle had allowed you to give her a lesson alongside the other stablehands as a reward for their work, completely free. She almost forgot what she’d came over here for, until she noticed your Uncle walking over to her, prompting her to wince, and hastily avert her gaze as she wondered if she should just speed-walk out of here, considering she couldn’t think up any other excuses for being here, and not where the others were, currently, preparing for the next group’s lesson in almost less than half an hour - if she wanted to talk to you, and fast, with a resolving of what she’d done the night before, she’d have to do it quickly - like, right now, before he could reach her, and usher her away from the outdoor arena, when that was - unbeknownst to her - the opposite of what he was planning on doing, currently, if only she knew that, herself.

“Remember, keep steady,” she heard you advise the students, walking along behind you, her heart pounding within her chest uncomfortably as she gripped on a little tighter to the fence, trying to find the right words to say, as well as trying desperately not to let go, and flee before it was too late to talk to you, when she felt able to do so, “the horses can sense your fear, and you need to make sure that you treat them with the respect that they deserve, whilst showing them who’s boss if they step out of line, so don’t let yourself slip, but if you do, treat them right, and they’ll treat you right, too.”

“She’s right,” Regina corroborated, and you would falter, your heart skipping a beat as you looked toward her, your eyes glinting a little as you lifted your right hand up to stop the students behind you from getting any closer, your Uncle wincing as he looked over at you, before returning his attention to her, “your strongest muscle, and worst enemy, is your mind - train it well.”

“Regina,” you began timidly, your heart squeezing a little as you remembered the night before, whilst your eyes darkened all over again, but you tried to stop the smile on your face from faltering the way it longed to, at least a little; seeing her would always make the ends of your lips curve up just slightly, as long as she were there with you, the way she was here for you, now, and intended to always be there for you, no matter what, even after what had happened between you both the night before, “w-what are you-”

“I’ll take over for you, Y/n, for a bit, okay?” Cal decided, and you would hesitate, before nodding, and smiling faintly your thanks to him as you carefully dismounted Gile, so your Uncle could instead ride him for the remainder of the lesson, as you jogged over to Regina, and quickly climbed over the fence so you could be out of the way of him as well as the students, especially when they were about to be trotting over some of the poles that had been laid out before the lesson had begun for them.

“Hey,” you greeted a little nervously, as she shuffled awkwardly on the spot for a moment, warily looking over at your Uncle to make sure that he wasn’t looking over at you both, before she gently took your left hand in her right one, mouthed a quick ‘follow me’, and rushed you away from the outdoor riding pasture.

🜚

Time seemed to slow down, for a moment - at least, you felt like it did, as you surveyed her peacefully, your eyes light, and heart pounding still in your chest as her hair flowed behind her, making her look even more like a goddess than she already did. You tried to fight back a sigh, especially since you knew it would sound weird, as you raced behind her, taking a while to catch your breath, until she snuck you into the next stable, and led you over to Firenze and Felicity.

🜸

“What are you doing?” You questioned, once you and Regina had stopped before their stalls, a sheepish smile on her face as she beamed over at you, evidently glad to see you again, after yesterday night’s events.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Y/n?” She inquired, as she carefully took down a couple of bridles, you watching her warily as she walked back up to Firenze’s as well as Felicity’s stall.

“Regina,” you began cautiously, but she wouldn’t listen, “don’t-”

“We won’t get enough time together, if we stay,” Regina interjected gently, and you would falter, a pained expression on your face, before you nodded gravely, and nervously looked away from her, your gaze stopping at the double doors, but luckily they were still closed, and you couldn’t hear anyone passing by, or getting any closer to them.

“Then give me one of the bridles, and I’ll tack up a horse for you,” you replied, and she would frown, evidently disappointed as she glanced back at you; she’d been hoping to ride Felicity, to keep her and her makeshift brother together, but you knew what Felicity liked to do, and you couldn’t risk Regina being flung off of her.

“But-”

“Please!” You begged, and she would sigh, before nodding begrudgingly, and passing on one of the bridles to you; if you and her were going to be riding outside of the establishment, then you wanted to keep her safe, so you moved away from Felicity’s stall, and instead walked toward Sunrise’s one.

🜚

You and Regina slowly walked side-by-side upon your horses, you on Firenze, and she on Sunrise, a pretty dapple grey Dutch Warmblood. Though she tended to slow down a lot without being instructed to do so, you felt she would be better off riding her, instead of Felicity, considering the White Friesian mare did tend to like bolting a lot more than Firenze did, whenever you or your Uncle were riding her outside of the compound.

“How are you doing, over there?” You inquired, trying to hide that you were smirking upon hearing Regina’s quiet struggles beside you, evidently finding it difficult to settle into the saddle more than you ever had.

Regina winced, evidently embarrassed as she tensed up a little, Sunrise snorting as she tossed her head a little, evidently nervous in response to her rider’s discomfort, but you managed to reach over, and hold part of the mare’s rein to try and stabilise her, though you doubted she’d bolt like either Firenze or Felicity would.

“I’m fine,” she claimed, not wanting to appear like she couldn’t handle the mare beneath her like you were managing Firenze, “you don’t need to worry about me - I can do this, I swear!”

“Not like that,” you contradicted gently, and she would grunt, before you reluctantly released the rein, warily watching Sunrise for a moment, before you returned your gaze to her after determining that the mare was calm, enough, “sit up, first, and keep your feet in the stirrups - do not move them out, just yet; you aren’t ready for that.”

She would hesitate, before begrudgingly doing as you told her to do, prompting you to express relief as you surveyed her peacefully, a soft smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“Okay,” she replied slowly, “what now?”

“Just focus on Sunrise, now,” you answered, “keep a good hold on those reins, but don’t pull at her bit too much, okay? You need her to know that she can trust you; that you know what you’re doing, otherwise she won’t trust you, and will probably end up trying to buck you off of her-”

“Wait, what?” She interjected, and you would wince, Sunrise snorting again as she prodded along, whilst Firenze tossed his head alongside her; they’d evidently not appreciated her interruption, sensing that she was still a little uncomfortable in her position.

“Don’t think about that, now,” you advised her hastily, but still in a soft voice, not wanting to startle the horses any further, “just focus on the reins, and the speed you want her to go. You remember what I told you about slowing down, right? Squeeze her sides a bit, and pull back on the reins-”

“I remember that, I just-..” She trailed off, wincing, before she bowed her head a little, and you would frown, bringing Firenze a little closer to Sunrise so you could encouragingly squeeze her left shoulder using your right hand, prompting her heart to skip a beat as she glanced over at you for a moment, her eyes glinting, and smile beginning to grow back just as easily as it had gone away. You then faltered, remembering the night before again as you tried not to glance down at her lips, your eyes darkening, and heart sinking as you forced a smile over at her, before you removed your hand from her shoulder, trying not to break down, or lose your focus, especially not right now, with Firenze, and the possibility of him bolting when you were least expecting him to. “Hey,” she began gently; a little dejectedly as she averted her gaze back down to the reins, “I just-.. I wanted to bring you out here because-.. because I wanted to tell you that I - I’m-”

“Don’t,” you interrupted weakly, and she would fall quiet, a pained expression on her face as she looked over at you, tensing up a little again as she wondered why her heart felt as if it were being squeezed all over again, “I-.. there’s nothing for you to be sorry for, okay? We were both - both tired, a-and-..”

“Yeah, but-.. why?” She questioned, and you would appear puzzled, as well as a little scared as you looked over at her, your eyes full of a little anxiety as you wondered what she were trying to achieve out of you after what had happened between you both last night.

“Why were we both tired?” You inquired, hopefully, but she would hastily shake her head, appearing a little exasperated in response to your own question.

“No,” she answered, her voice trembling a little, “I - I meant - why? Why didn’t you push me away, then? If you didn’t like it, why didn’t you push me away? None of it makes sense-”

“Does it have to make sense?” You retorted, and she would falter, a hurt look on her face in response to you snapping at her the way you had, prompting you to falter, a pained expression on your face as you bowed your head a little, your eyes darkening again as guilt as well as shame began to overwhelm you; you hated upsetting her, the way you could tell you had a brief moment ago. You both rode along in silence for a little while, universes of pain spreading between you both excruciatingly, but you didn’t know what to say, so instead you allowed what you were currently thinking to slip from your lips, instead. “I’m sorry,” you continued a little shakily, as small tears began to cloud your vision, a lump beginning to form within your throat again, and Regina would frown, her heart aching for you in response to the sound of your voice breaking the way it did, prompting her to glance over at you, her expression softening as she did, “I’m sorry, okay?”

“Y/n-”

“I-.. I can’t always know the answer,” you interrupted feebly again, and she would shake her head hastily, not wanting you to feel as if you had to explain yourself like that, especially when it prompted you to begin putting yourself down again, something that hurt her almost as much as it hurt you, whenever she heard you cursing yourself for things like this, “a-and I hate myself for that, I really do, I-”

“It’s not your fault,” she contradicted gently, and you would hesitate, before you fell quiet, and glanced over at her again, your heart skipping a beat as soon as your gaze fell upon her; her soft eyes, sweet smile - it was an effort not to get lost within her orbs all over again, all the while you still found yourselves longing to glance down at her lips, your own tingling again at the thought of the kiss you’d shared with her last night - if only she’d not made you crave it even more than you ever had anything else before, as soon as she’d shared such an addictive experience with you. “It’s mine, okay? You know it is,” she reminded you, but you didn’t want her to take the blame for it, either, making to protest, before she continued again, “I’m sorry.”

You hastily shook your head again, your heart pounding against your ribcage uncomfortably whilst you tried to find the right words to say, but your thoughts were too loud, and your lips were still tingling as the memory of the night before kept replaying within your mind.

“Reg-”

“No,” she interjected, sounding a little exasperated again, “you don’t get to apologise for things that aren’t your fault, okay?”

You faltered, hesitating, and she could see that you still felt as if you should protest, your lips moving a little for a moment, as your eyes appeared thoughtful, but her voice had been firm, as well as soft enough, to deter you from doing so.

“Okay,” you answered, instead, and she would express relief, glad that she’d managed to get through to you, before you could panic anymore than you already had, a brief moment ago.

“Good,” she replied gently, her eyes growing a little warmer as she hesitantly returned her gaze to what was ahead of her, reminding herself of what you’d told her, before, about making sure you knew the environment around you, to prevent yourself from having an accident whilst riding outside of the compound the way you both were, right now, you still on Firenze, and she still on Sunrise, the two horses calmly prodding alongside each other as if they were unperturbed by what was currently going on above them both. “I’m sorry,” she began again, her voice barely audible, as if it were growing to be more of an effort to speak with every second that passed between you both, a heavy wall pressing down upon both of your chests and throats, making it harder all the more to not break down the way your emotions seemed to want you to, right now, riding alongside each other with small tears clouding each of your visions, “I - I really am, okay? I’m sorry that-..” She swallowed uncomfortably, her voice cracking as she did, but she couldn’t get rid of the lump forming within her throat. “That I left, like I did, a-after-..” She drew in a shaky breath, whilst you tried not to shake your head again, listening to her through partially ringing ears, your heart aching even more within your chest. “I should have stayed,” she stated, her voice a little firmer, and you could tell that she was angry at herself for not doing so, when you couldn’t blame her, at all; you just wanted her to be happy, and you felt as if you could never make her happy like that; the way you wished you could ever since you’d first met her, even when you didn’t know exactly what your feelings for her meant, at all, until this moment in time, “but that’s not the only thing I’m sorry for.” You appeared taken aback, evidently surprised by such a revelation; it only hurt even more to know that such things had been plaguing her just like they had you, just because of what had happened between you both yesterday. “I’m also sorry, b-because-..” She sighed, wishing this weren’t so hard; she had been hoping it would be easier, but she’d found that it had always been hard to find the right words around you, especially whenever you smiled at her like you did, every time your gaze fell upon her. “Fuck, why is this so hard?” She uttered, evidently flustered as well as frustrated, and you couldn’t help, but smile softly down at Firenze’s mane, finding it cute, how easily she could be flustered by some things, like she was, now. “Sorry,” she managed, as she winced, realising she’d said that out loud, only embarrassing as well as exasperating her further as she tried to start again for her sake, as much as your own, “l-look, I’m-.. I’m sorry, that I had nothing to say that night - I should’ve-.. I-..”

“Can we dismount, here? Really quick?” You requested, your voice close to a whisper, and she would fall quiet, her heart skipping a beat again as she looked over at you, her eyes widening a little as she subconsciously eased Sunrise into a standing position, and you would express relief, bringing Firenze to a stop beside her.

“Sure,” she answered curiously, “why?”

🜚

For a moment, all you could imagine flashed through your mind. You saw yourself pinning her gently against one of the trees to her right, your heart pounding alongside your own as you pressed your lips to hers, imagining yourself revelling in the feeling of her body against your own - a beautiful feeling. Butterflies fluttered around in your stomach; you tried not to look over at her too much, blood rushing to your cheeks; your urges were so vivid, so near, that you could almost reach out and grab them, but you didn’t want to lose her, so you kept your hands to yourself to the best of your ability.

Leaves crunched beneath both your, and her feet, as you trailed slowly side by side, leading your horses behind you as you admired the scenery around you, wondering if there were anything more perfect, than this moment you both found yourselves in.

“H-Hey, I, erm-”

“I missed you,” you began absent-mindedly, before wincing, your voice barely audible, blood rushing to your cheeks. Regina faltered, her expression softening as she glanced over at you, her eyes glinting just a little alongside your own; she’d missed you, too - all day today, whilst she was at school, as well as last night, even before she’d kissed you, and fled from your side again the way that she did, not too long ago, now. “A-All of last night, and-..” You fell quiet, and she would frown, before nodding gravely, and timidly linking her fingers with your own, prompting your heart to skip a beat, and you to falter in speech, mind, lung, and muscle, as you stopped beside her, and - as you were terrified of your feelings for her right now; of what they’d make you do - you hastily removed your hand from hers, stammering a little shakily; barely audibly, for a moment, whilst she appeared hurt by your decision as you stepped back a little from her side, avoiding eye contact with her to the best of your ability.

“Y/n-”

“I - I don’t think we should be friends, anymore,” you uttered, sounding a little exasperated, and strained, as if just sounding the words out was painful for you to do, whilst she, too, found it hard to hide that your words had struck her, leaving what felt like a burning hole within her chest.

“What?” She replied; she still couldn’t quite believe it, but you wouldn’t let it go, shaking your head as you stepped back again, before she could get any closer than she subconsciously had.

“I don’t-.. I’m not-” You struggled, your voice briefly trembling as you tried not to cry, an overwhelming lump within your throat again. “I can’t do this anymore; I don’t want this-”

“Y/n, stop-”

“I don’t want you,” you concluded weakly, though every word was far from the truth, burning your tongue excruciatingly as you wished you could just tear your heart out, and just give it to her right now, on more than just some silver platter, “I-”

“So that’s it?” Regina interrupted, a hurt look on her face, and you would falter, hesitantly glancing up at her whilst small tears leaked from the corners of your eyes.

“Reg-”

“You’re just gonna - what, throw us away? After everything?” She questioned, her voice firm, though you could still tell she was hurting, too, just like you were - you just wondered why. “Is this about the kiss, yesterday?” She inquired, the question throwing you off guard as you tensed up, before hastily lowering your gaze again as you bit down harshly upon your tongue, almost enough to draw blood as a faint metallic taste began to form grossly within your mouth, only to be worsened by her drawing slowly closer to you, a hopeful, as well as pained, and curious expression on her face.

“What? No, you-”

She didn’t hesitate, gently easing you against the tree behind you as she delicately pressed her lips to your own, and you relaxed within her embrace, your eyelids fluttering shut at the feeling.

“You liked it, didn’t you?” She mused, sounding a little breathless, her voice close to a whisper, and you would wince, not realising for a moment that the kiss had ended when it did, the realisation that it was over only making you feel empty inside all over again.

“Regina,” you began again feebly, a little nervous; you’d never been in a situation like this before, her eyes never leaving your own.

“I liked it, too,” she managed, though the words still felt foreign; dangerous, considering her previous ideals and personality, last year - it was unusual, but not in her own eyes, just in the eyes of the others, back at Northshore high, “t-that’s why I-”

“There you two are,” your Uncle interrupted, and you both would falter, tensing up as he and his horse, Willow, a Black Pinto Clydesdale, emerged into the clearing, their auras emitting the same calmness the pair shared, together, completely contradictory to your and Regina’s current demeanours, as you warily asked him the question you were first thinking of, your eyes doing all the talking they needed to do, for you. “Don’t worry - the session’s still going; Desdemona’s got it covered,” he explained, his voice gentle, just so you both knew he wasn’t angry, at all; he was more relieved, than he was anything else, glad to see that you two were at least still talking, after yesterday’s events.

You expressed relief, as well as dejection, forcing a smile, before you nodded gravely, and averted your gaze again.

“I-..” You began slowly, your voice briefly cracking as Cal warily looked between you both, his eyes looking as if they were trying to scan through the both of you; trying to determine the skip, drop, and squeeze of your heart beats, as if they were that easy to read, right now, just through the ways you were both standing; the way you were trying to form a sentence, only to fail miserably before the girl you loved, and the man you considered to be your only family, after all that had happened to you, all those years ago, with the divorce, as well as the kidnapping that had previously befallen you. “We-”

“I can give you both some more time, if you need it?” Cal suggested, his voice already knowing, but neither you or Regina dared to respond, finding you couldn’t even muster up the right words to say, each one stuck within your throats, but it wasn’t something new to him - not at all. “Do you?” He continued, and Regina made to nod, but before she could say anything, you were shaking your head, and uttering that you had stuff to do, before you walked hastily back to Firenze’s left side, and carefully climbed back up into his saddle, gone before she could even say goodbye to you, only making her heart ache even more within her chest, somehow. “She’ll come around,” he reassured her gently, and she would wince, realising she’d zoned out, a pained expression on your face, as soon as you had disappeared back into the woodland behind them both, “she just-.. needs some time, probably, to think about things.”

Regina frowned, before nodding gravely, and awkwardly shuffling on the spot as she tried to recompose herself, feeling pathetic for how she’d just acted around you, before.

“I know,” she corroborated, her voice soft, though it longed to crack like your’s had, the lump still stuck within her throat, and her face still warm, like it usually was when she was trying not to cry.

“Good,” he replied, evidently glad; he didn’t want her to think that you’d left, and would never talk to her again, now, regardless of what had just happened between you both; he knew you too well, to even fear that you’d completely leave her alone like that - even after the world had done you wrong the way it did, all those years ago, you still tried; you would never abandon those you loved, he only hoped that such a trait never left you, for both your sake, as much as her own.

🜚

On the ride back, neither of them said a word to each other - at least, not until they were about to leave the woodlands behind them, the academy’s arenas coming in to view just about beyond the tree-line, before it could be broken, and they would be out in the open again.

“I’m sorry,” Regina managed, her voice barely audible, and heart aching again as her eyes darkened; she hated how she’d left you the way she did, last night, when she feared you needed her the most, in the state that you had been, before she’d arrived, and - regardless of how right the previous moment had felt between you both - she still felt guilty for reacting the way she did; for pressing you against that tree, and kissing you again; it was something she never thought she was capable of allowing herself to do, before, considering she’d always tried to hide her own secret desires the way she had been, until she’d first met you, and began to see and think of you everywhere she seemed to go, away from here, “for - for last night - I shouldn’t have-.. y’know; I should have stayed with her, and I hate myself for leaving, I swear I do, I-”

“She understands why you did it, Ms. George,” Cal reassured her gently, but she didn’t want you to understand; she wanted you to hate her for what she did, though the thought of you hating her was painful, in itself, “and - in a way - so do I.”

Regina curiously looked over at him, though she didn’t mean it any disrespectful way; it was just a surprise to her as it wasn’t something she’d ever heard him talking about, before, despite her being around him and you for a while, now, almost proper family to you, in some ways - at least, she wished she could be that for you. Little did she know, that you did feel that strong of an attachment to her already, and it was almost unbearable when things became the way that they were, now, between you both, especially when you found yourself rejecting her, afraid of disappointing her, as well as of what Shane might do, considering she was still with him, currently; still arguing with him everyday, and trying to hide it from you, though you could see through her the pain and frustration it was putting her through, you just never thought part of that pain would be a manifestation of what was also going on between you both, too.

“You do?” She mused, almost sounding relieved, and Cal would nod gravely, before smiling faintly over at her.

“I do,” he repeated gently, “love, it does - curious, things to people.”

Regina faltered at his use of the word ‘love’, her heart skipping a beat, before she hastily looked away from him, trying to hide that she could feel her cheeks beginning to warm up in response to his phrasing; she’d never considered ‘love’ as being what her feelings for you, were, but - in a way - it felt like it made sense, and the word seemed more appealing to her, now, as a soft smile began to tug at the corners of her lips as she found herself unable to stop thinking about you, and what you might be doing right now, again.

“Love? What makes you think it’s-”

“Feelings, then,” Cal rephrased, and Regina would frown, before nodding slowly in response to his interjection - she already missed the previous word, but not as much as she missed being with you, the way she was earlier, “everyone’s had them - whether they’re love, or something less, they’re there - you might be scared of them, right now, but you won’t be for long, that much I can promise you, it’s just what they do to you, after-..” Your Uncle sighed, whilst Regina looked over at him, a concerned as well as curious expression on her face as he seemed to be trying to recompose himself, small tears clouding his own vision as he avoided her gaze strategically, desperate to try and keep himself together for you, as well as for her, but the thought of how his late husband had gone made his body weak, each day that passed by since his own passing - the cold of his bed’s left side would never go away, when he woke up in the morning. “I’m sorry, Ms. George, but I really must be checking on the session, now,” he stated, his voice a little more strained as he forced a smile over at her, “just - give it time, and you’ll see.” He then eased Willow into a trot beneath him, only making it a few paces away from her, before he halted his stallion again. “Oh, and by the way,” he continued, as Willow prodded slowly toward the end of the tree-line, “we were all young once, Ms. George, never forget that, will you?”

🜚

Cal’s words followed her everywhere after he’d gone, as she trotted Sunrise back toward the stable, being as careful as she possibly could, considering she was by herself, now, no-one to protect her if something went wrong, but she didn’t blame you for rushing off the way you did, after what had previously happened between you both. She knew Cal said she should wait, but it was painful trying to hide from her feelings, something silently pulling her toward the house as she sneakily rushed up the porch, looking around her warily, before she eased open the front door, and immediately headed for the stairwell.

🜸

You were inside your room, crying, at the time; you’d tried to hold it all back, but the emotions soon came flooding out of you, as soon as you were alone, curled up upon your bed the way that you were, now. You sniffled barely audibly against your pillow, hugging your knees to your chest as your shoulders shook a little with every strained and uncontrollable sob that escaped your lips - you didn’t doubt you would have been stuck like this for a while, if she didn’t stop outside your door, and knock on it gently the way that she did.

🜸

As soon as she reached the door, she faltered, a pained expression on her face as soon as she heard you crying behind it; it was unbearable. For a moment, she couldn’t lift her right arm to knock, instead allowing her palm to press against the door as she tried to work up the courage to do something, anything, and it then struck her that you were only a few paces away from her, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before she smiled softly, and managed to pull herself out of her brief trance, before she knocked upon the door, and you managed a feeble ‘come in’ in response to the sound.

🜸

Before she could open the door, you were hastily wiping your eyes, and forcing yourself to sit up. You evidently expected Cal to be stood on the other side, your heart dropping, and muscles tensing up as soon as your gaze had fallen upon her. She stared back at you, lingering anxiously by the door as she fidgeted a little with her fingers again, her heart pounding overwhelmingly alongside your own.

“Y/n-”

“W-What are you doing, in here?” You questioned, and she would frown, a hurt look on her face as she bowed her head for a moment, trying to find the right words to say.

“I-.. I don’t know, I just-.. I guess I just-..” She sighed, evidently frustrated again - even her cheeks were turning a little pink; you couldn’t help, but find it adorable, trying not to show that her current demeanour was making your skin buzz with elation. “I wanted to see you, okay?” She managed, eventually, sounding just as exasperated as she looked, right now. “I-..” She fell quiet, her heart sinking as her eyes darkened, prompting you to feel a little guilty as you bowed your head, fidgeting with your own shaky fingers alongside her, as she timidly drew closer, hoping you’d accept her presence, this time. “I’m sorry,” she began again, her voice briefly trembling; sounding dejected, only making you feel worse, but still you didn’t dare look up at her - everything about her was just too-.. tempting, and you couldn’t take the way you felt around her; your feelings were growing to be too intense; more than they ever had, before, “f-for earlier, I-.. I really-”

“It’s fine,” you reassured her gently, and she would express relief, her heart skipping a beat as her eyes began to glint a little again, “it-.. it was my fault, anyway.”

That took her aback, again; she hastily shook her head, not wanting you to blame yourself for what she’d done as she then stepped even closer, your heart pounding even faster somehow with every step she took, only a few away from your bed, now.

“I-”

“Reg,” you interjected gently, but your voice was still firm - it was a warning, and nothing less than that; you didn’t want to lose control of yourself around her, especially when she was so close to you, right now, only leaving you more afraid than ever of what you’d end up doing; of everything you were imagining yourself doing, even after what had happened between you both, earlier, within the clearing.

“I know,” she replied, her voice soft and strained, and your heart begged to surrender to her, but you didn’t want to make things worse for her like you feared you would, if ever she decided she wanted to be with you, instead of Shane, “look, maybe-.. maybe we don’t have to talk about it, right now, if you don’t want to? W-Would you let me just-.. stay with you, l-like I should have, last night?”

You would appear taken aback by her suggestion, your heart positively soaring in response to it; you couldn’t think of anything you’d ever wanted more, as you tried to win back control of a clear mind, only for it to get cloudy and loud again within it, as she sat down upon your bed, before smiling lovingly in your direction. This would no doubt be the hardest night of your life, as well as the best thing that had ever happened to you, so far.

🜚

You still couldn’t bear to look over at her, especially as soon as she came out of the bathroom in her pyjamas, your heart skipping a beat as you noticed her loose-hanging clothing, trying not to think of anything, but the sound of the horses’ galloping outside, evidently playing within their pasture as they neither occasionally, or snorted - it made you smile, to think of Firenze and Felicity playing out there, before their own bedtime could begin, alongside your and Regina’s.

“What did your mum say?” You asked, sounding a little nervous, and Regina would shrug, seeming unperturbed as she finished up brushing her teeth, before rejoining you on the edge of your bed again.

“She’s fine with it,” she answered, and you would raise your eyebrows; you could tell when she was lying, and - for a moment - she winced, before hastily averting her gaze down to her hands, “okay, I didn’t tell her, but-”

“Then what did you say?” You questioned, appearing a little more worried, now, whilst another part of you tried desperately not to smirk, your eyes glinting as she appeared confused by your demeanour, as well as a little relieved, tilting her head partially to the side as you surveyed her peacefully, trying not to get lost within her orbs, though they felt like oceans of calm, to you, your heart-beat not pounding as overwhelmingly as it usually did, whenever you were around her, as long as you were looking into her eyes the way that you were, right now.

“You don’t really care, do you?” She guessed, and you would fall quiet, wincing, as she grinned sheepishly over at you; knowingly, and for a moment she seemed to lean closer to you, and you would falter, your blood running cold, and heart beginning to pound against your rib-cage again as you drew back from her, and hastily looked away to try and tell yourself that you were just imagining it; she couldn’t still want to kiss you, why would she? Regina faltered, a pained expression on her face as she looked away from you, too, her eyes darkening; she didn’t know why your action had hurt so much, and nor did she know why she kept feeling as if she were magnified to you, even more so after the kiss had taken place between you both, yesterday, as well as a little earlier, today. She sighed, timidly fidgeting with her fingers as she tried to find the right words to say again, not wanting things to just be awkward between you both, now, the way that they were. “I’m sorry,” she offered gently, and you would tense up, only for a moment, as you glanced over at her again timidly, forgetting how to breathe as you admired her again - it just didn’t seem possible to not be able to do so, “I don’t know why I-.. my mom, I told her I was at another friend’s house - she probably won’t suspect a thing, in fact, I promise you she won’t - just-.. please, don’t worry about that - we have a night together to enjoy, right? Whatever bad that might happen can come later, but right now we’re happy here, aren’t we?”

You couldn’t help, but smile softly, blood rushing to your cheeks, even as you hesitated, your eyes glinting once they were locked with her own again.

“We’re happy,” you corroborated gently, and she would express relief, smiling warmly back at you as she wrapped her arms around your waist, prompting you to tense up again within her embrace for a moment, evidently not used to how it felt, still, to have her arms around you the way they were, now.

“Good,” she replied, glad, as you timidly returned the hug, now flustering her a little as she couldn’t help, but beam over at the wall, even as she’d forgot how to breathe, briefly, alongside you, only remembering how to do so once it was necessary for her to, alongside you, but she knew at some point the hug would have to be broken, regardless, prompting her heart to sink, before she shot a sad smile over at you, released you from her arms, and tried to find more words she could use again without choking: “so, what do you wanna do?”

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed the first part! ❤️

[foggyparadisecandy]

[TW: Dark] Let me get super fucking real a moment.

I know life is unfair, cruel, and messy at times.

But goddamnit, listen up.

You are unique and special. You have something to offer the world.

If you aren't sure what that is, then make it your mission to figure that shit out.

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF LOVED ONES CHOOSING TO GIVE UP ON LIFE.

Fucking please. I'm begging you all.

Love yourselves.

God.

If you are reading this and are considering it, fucking give it a day. Give it a week. Give it a month.

Don't make a permanent choice out of a temporary set of problems.

I attempted it twice in my early 20s. I'm so fucking glad I failed.

I get it. Life is fucking HARD sometimes.

I so get it.

But tomorrow is a new day. And when I was depressed, nothing any one said could "cheer me up" so ... yeah I understand that 100%.

The key is to push off to the next day. And the next. And the next. Because shit starts turning around in life.

It honestly does.

Find your thing. The thing that makes you happy in life.

Set a goal. Something big and would make you pretty pleased. Go after it.

Make some new friends. People are lonely af. All this social media and people are lonelier than ever. Other people are out there - looking to find their people. FIND YOUR PEOPLE - they are waiting for you.

Fuck.

Just hold tight ... one more day ... one more day ... one more day ...

String enough of those together and things will start to look different.

Please. Thanks for reading. FUCK.

UPDATE: I understand that I cannot change people's minds on this or give people a purpose.

I don't mean to imply that I can.

What I am suggesting is give it one more day ... and keep giving it one more day for as long as you can do so. Many people find that things do change for the positive with time.

You might also find that in your situation. I did.

https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox

[wonderneverlandsystem]

All Below Text Are Subject To Change

TW: Mentions of abuse and neglect, mentions of hallucinations (auditory and visual), mentions of dissociation and panic attacks, implied suicide attempt, successful suicide attempt, and death obviously

This is my (Jace) Spider-Sona, Rainbow-Spider! (It's name is the same as mine, but I will be referring to it as Rainbow throughout this post.)

Despite how, you know... Not rainbow, its suit looks. But that's how the suit looks when Rainbow is neutral & when not being worn. The suit is made of a material that it definitely made. And absolutely did not steal from a lab. That changes colours based on the wearers' emotions/feelings.

Lil Personal Details: It's a trans gay man like me, and like us is Greek, though it has a lot more Greek in it than we do. It likes to doodle and write random things, oftentimes about those it cares about. Despite how cold and avoidant it can be, it naturally attracts people, which can get annoying sometimes, and it loves goofy sweethearts *cough cough wink wink* though it would never admit that. It pretends to be much more cool and badass than it thinks it is... Its best friends are Hobie, Gwen, Noir, and Pav, not in that order (don't tell Hobie-). When it saw Spider-Gwen for the first time it thought she was a hallucination at first until Noir laid a hand on her shoulder, after realizing she was real it ran up and hugged her confused. She looked just like the Gwen it knew, other than the gap in her teeth. It very much dislikes Miguel and doesn't agree with him and is actively trying to prevent him from doing fucked shit from the inside... However. It also knows that you can not like someone or even hate them and still acknowledge that they're hot as hell-

Little Suit Details: I wanted to include something into its suit to honour our Greek heritage so I decided to put the Phi symbol into the spider symbol, it also has connections to the origins of the word empathy and stuff which makes sense for its character & powers. The spider symbol also has 4 larger front legs and 4 smaller back legs because of the Goldenrod Crab Spider that bit it. The red stripes with spiderweb detailing are also a homage to the spider that bit it, as that is the only part that doesn't change colours when the spider changes colours. The ones low on its torso are supposed to mimic top surgery scars because it do be a trans boyo. I also put FNSM (Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man) on the headphones. They're not visible at the angle it's at, but the suit has lil pockets with zippers in the front underneath the chains.

Backstory up to ITSV:

Moved to Manhattan after being taken in by its "uncle" (not actually its uncle, but it calls him that) and leaving its abusive so-called parents in Tennessee. Eventually, it made a friend in a transfer student from Queens, Gwen. They were each others only friends, but they helped each other through thick and thin, Rainbow had to call an ambulance to help her from herself once. One day, there was a 9th grade field trip for agriculture and economics class to a big farm in rural New York, the farm just so happened to be next door to an old lab. After chasing after Gwen, who wandered off, Rainbow really stepped in it, literally. It stepped in a nest of Goldenrod Crab Spiders and proceeded to have a panic attack because of its arachnophobia and the disgusting aensation of the web and spiders on its legs. It dissociated, shaking most of them off as it ran and not coming back to reality until feeling a spider bite its hand.

It came back to reality as it slammed its hand into the ground, crushing the neon yellow spider with red stripes into the ground and killing it, its long front legs twitching. It wasn't until late that night after taking a shower that it realized something was off. It yawned as it looked in the mirror, and its hair was a silvery grey colour instead of its normal dyed dark red. When it saw this, it jumped back in shock, which caused the hair to poof into a bright yellow colour. Eventually, it realized that it was changing based on how it felt, and that realization brought its mind back to the spider. Horrifyingly, it spent the night researching spiders, especially those spiders, not realizing until it tried to get up to get a drink that its hands had gripped the laptop. It was... an eventful night. Well really it was an eventful week full of discoveries and freaking out, and it was extremely annoying to try and get a hold of its emotions more as to not let people see that its hair changes colours.

When its uncle left on a trip that he wouldn't tell Rainbow anything about other than he was going back to Tennessee, it made a decision. It was gonna go around helping people using its new abilities. The rest I think you know. Not even a week later it got a call from the hospital in its hometown that its uncle was killed in a car crash... It got a pretty good inheritance from him, but it would only keep him alive and well for a year, two tops. Then a couple of months later it went to a pride festival in the town square as Rainbow-Spider, the identity the people of Manhattan gave it because of its colour-changing suit that it spend a month planning, stealing- I mean buying, and sewing. This was where the Chief of Police, Captain Bucks would die. Captain Bucks and Rainbow were quite acquainted, he was even more acquainted with its real identity. Rainbow stole. Not to mention it was very public about being anti-cop, anti-fascist, anti-government, and anti-capitalist.

... And it may or may not have spray painted a bunch of anarchy symbols and middle fingers on some banks, cop stations, and other government buildings. So Rainbow was brought into the station a lot, so often in fact that every time they'd bring it in they would call ahead of time to let Bucks know. Two hours. Two hours in an interrogation room with a box of glazed doughnuts and a special frappe from the nearby café, Gwen worked there and of course, knew when Rainbow planned on going out so she'd make sure she was working, and she'd have the doughnuts and coffee already done when the chief got there. It got boring after a while, it was essentially the same speech over and over followed by being driven home. No courts. Nothing. Rainbow was too busy to notice how odd that was, nor did it care.

Until Bucks took a bullet for it at the festival where some queerphobic protestors started getting violent and throwing Molotov cocktails. It was "lunging" (what it calls its ability to essentially "teleport"/ move super fast to anywhere in its line of sight. Its vision gets horrible when doing this and it gets vertigo for a moment after getting out of the "lunge". It often opts to "lunge" instead of waste web fluid, plus it's faster.) around and getting people to safety, it seemed like it was all over. That's when its spider sense went off just a second too late. It whipped around and "lunged" forward, not noticing the person moving towards where it was standing or what was moving through it. It kicked the person with the gun in the shin and knocked the gun out of their hand with its elbow. It used its webs to detain them, only for the spider-sense to go off again along with a feeling of dread as it realized the gun was smoking. It had gone off.

It turned to its former position and saw Chief Bucks on the ground and as it "lunged" over to him it noticed the bullet had hit an artery. And with all the chaos it knew he wasn't gonna make it to a hospital in time. Even if it "lunged" or swang over. It was gonna try anyway, but Bucks stopped them, grabbing its hand and slipping a twenty dollar bill in its hands. "Go get yourself a box of doughnuts and your fancy drink kid." Bright yellow. He knew it was Rainbow Spider... "If you haven't figured it out already, your record is clean, well, clean enough." By now it started hearing yelling from other cops, followed by stomping. Its attention was brought back to him by coughs, "You shouldn't be doing this job kid, seriously. I know you wanna help, trust me I do, but your gonna get killed. Or worse..." And with a smile, "Keep hating cops, that's fine, but don't get yourself into more trouble please, I won't be around to save your ass next time ya get caught." He passed.

It was hesitant, but it decided to go to his funeral, it didn't say anything or do anything other than leave a lily, but it blamed itself so it went. It didn't use the money till a year later... Its hallucinations were getting worse and worse, even being around Gwen didn't make them go away anymore. Then one night, it was doing its nightly patrols as Rainbow-Spider and it was hearing explosions, fire crackling, seeing fires that weren't there, and car wrecks that weren't there. Then it saw Gwen standing on top of the hotel she was staying at, it ignored it, thinking it was another hallucination... But when it saw her move towards the edge it thought twice and "lunged" forward to try and knock her back or grab her but it missed her, barely knocking into her feet. Its vision barely came back in time to see her look back up at it as she fell, that's when it heard its phone go off and notice her phone in her hand. It was loud enough for her to hear apparently as her face went from shocked to scared and apologetic before. It "lunged" forward again, spinning its body as it went in hopes of taking the impact after grabbing her instead but it failed, it was too great a height, too great a distance.

It landed on the ground beside her, its arm taking the brunt of the impact and getting scratched to hell. It ignored the pain as much as it could and moved to pick up Gwen, or at this point, her body. It had to plan the funeral because her so-called parents didn't care, they did kick her out so it wasn't surprising. The night of the funeral is when those twenty bucks got spent, after the funeral that is, it and a couple of teachers were the only people there. No one said a word other than the priest and there wasn't a reception or food, just a cooler with drinks. Rainbow officially had no one left, just an apartment which it would probably be evicted from in a couple of months as the inheritance money from Uncle Zayne was about gone, other than the bit it was holding onto for food after it gets evicted. Then one night as it's packing up its spidey sense goes off and it turns just in time to see what looks like a black hole suck it in and spit it out into a giant electronic billboard.

[theprogrockbstheorist]

BS Theory no.1: “2112” actually takes place on Mars

TW/CW for all posts regarding “2112”: mentions of sh/suicide, mention of smoking weed

Warning: possible cognitohazard and TOTAL bs theory based on two (?) lines of text in the liner notes

Some background for the uninitiated and the uninformed: 2112 is the fourth studio album by Canadian progressive rock trio Rush, which consisted of  Geddy Lee (bass/vocals), Alex Lifeson (guitars), and Neil Peart (drums/percussion and lyrics) originally released in 1976. The first track on the album, also titled “2112”, is a 20-minute long dystopian science fiction progressive rock epic that is considered to be foundational to the genre, and laid the grounds for later developments such as math rock and progressive metal. For the purposes of this essay, and all future essays regarding “2112” (of which there will be far too many, as I am extremely autistic for Rush), I will be referring to the song, and not the album, unless explicitly stated. 

The plot of the song is relatively simple: it introduces an anonymous person (whom I will refer to as Anon, for funsies) who is living in the year 2112 under an oppressive regime centered around the worship of technology. All forms of media are controlled and regulated by the theocratic Priests of Syrinx, whose computers calculate every action, every job, and, of course, produce and control all music, art, news, and literature. Anon is originally content in this life, until they discover a stringed instrument (definitely implied to be a guitar) lying in a cave. They then hone their skills on the instrument, realizing the joy of creating one’s own music, and what music can be, and then present the guitar to the Priests. After this confrontation, the head Priest (called “Father Brown” in the liner notes, although never named in the lyrics) smashes the instrument and dismisses Anon. “Wandering home through silent streets”, Anon falls asleep and dreams of meeting an Oracle, who shows Anon the “Elder Race”, a group of people who were exiled after a war that tore the solar system apart. These people are free to create their own art, and after viewing their works in his dream, Anon wakes up to a desolate reality and seeks refuge in the cave in which they found the guitar. Now seeing no future living under the oppressive regime of the Priests and their Solar Federation, Anon makes an attempt on their life, and whether they survive or not is left ambiguous (I’ve read conflicting theories over the years as well), however, it is implied by the final lines of the song that the Elder Race does return, and overthrows the Solar Federation. 

Now, there’s a heck of a lot to analyze there, and believe me, I have about 18 topics on “2112” that I plan on being developed into essays, but for now, let’s start with kind of a dumb one: “2112” actually takes place on Mars. Why? Cause why not? While there’s no evidence in the actual lyrics to suggest that “2112” takes place on Mars, the very first liner note describes Anon looking up into the sky, and seeing “Twin Moons”. These liner notes, in my opinion, play as crucial a part in the story as the actual lyrics by taking their ideas and developing them further. It is from these liner notes that the notion of Anon finding the stringed instrument in the cave comes from, as no cave is ever mentioned in the lyrics. You know the only planet in the solar system that has exactly two moons? Mars. Anon then goes on to say that their friend, Jon, lives under an “atmospheric dome” on the outer planets, meaning that Anon does not live on an Outer Planet, which all have many moons, which would rule out 2+ moons. However, it is also stated later in the same passage that during the war of 2062, several planets were destroyed, leaving the remaining planets with “a few new moons”. This could be implied that Earth’s moon was split into two, however two minor details stick out to me that don’t add up to that conclusion: Firstly, the “Twin Moons” line, and the mention of outer planets, rather than ever mentioning Earth. Let’s analyze both of these further. 

Firstly, I’d like to start off with that while I am no space expert, I did have a special interest in space as a little kid, and I am fully aware that the moons of Mars (no sexual innuendo there!), Phobos and Deimos, are both asteroids that have been captured by Mars’ gravity, and therefore neither of them are spherical, while the moons described in the liner notes are described as being “two pale orbs” . While this is the case, if Earth’s moon were to be blown apart in some sort of interplanetary war, the pieces of it would not be spherical either. Furthermore, the moon would also most likely not be blown perfectly in half, and even if it were, and both halves had the gravity to eventually spin into a spherical shape, this would not occur within a 50-year period between 2062 and the events of 2112. This being said, Phobos and Deimos follow a fairly close orbit, and may appear as “twins”. Furthermore, in Greek mythology, Phobos and Deimos are the sons of Ares (Greek equivalent to the Roman Mars), and often described as twins. Knowing the plot of Cygnus X-1: The Voyage/Cygnus X-2: Hemispheres (which I’ll get around to eventually) and the passing reference to Bacchus in “The Fountain of Lamneth” (which I’ll also get around to), and even furthermore the reference to a syrinx (an Ancient Greek instrument) it is clear that Peart had a passing knowledge of Greco-Roman mythology, meaning he would have most likely known that Phobos and Deimos were the twin sons of Ares, lending more weight to the phrase “Twin Moons”. Is it also possible that this is coincidental and I’m looking way too far into this? Yeah. But knowing the precision of Rush, and the amount of weight that he gave to words, along with the capitalization of “Twin Moons” makes me believe that it wasn’t simply a throwaway descriptor. 

Then, there is the line later on in the same passage: “My friend Jon always said it was nicer here than under the atmospheric domes of the Outer Planets”. Where is “here”? The only named places in the “2112” universe are the city of Megadon, the Temples of Syrinx, and the Solar Federation. From the passage, one can deduce that Megadon is the city that Anon lives in, the Temples of Syrinx are where the Priests work and live, and the Solar Federation refers to the entire solar system. In fact, throughout the entire song, Earth is never mentioned. Now, I realize that a lack of evidence for one side of an argument does not mean evidence for the other, and there are lines to suggest that they may be on Earth, such as mentioning caves and waterfalls, however I do not believe that the existence of caves and waterfalls is sufficient enough evidence. Why? Because one must look at the time at which 2112 was written: a period of intense technological advancement that would only continue into the present day, and during the height of space exploration and technology. The second half of the 20th century, particularly between 1950 and 1980 saw an explosion of science fiction due to the rapid improvements in technology. During the 1970s in particular, the concept of terraforming was introduced, which is taking an existing planet, and making it more Earth-like for habitation. So, while Mars today is uninhabitable, in a science-fiction universe like 2112, where planets can be blown to bits, and the entire solar system regulated by computers, is it that far-fetched to believe that Mars was terraformed? Mars, being a rocky, inner planet, does have naturally occurring caves, and if it were terraformed, then it would also have water flowing on its surface, leading to the creation of waterfalls. Now, circling back to the line specifically about the “Outer Planets” and the lack of specification of “here”: why make the comparison to “here” being nicer than the Outer Planets if Anon lived on Earth? Clearly, that would be the case if Anon lived on Earth: living on Earth seems rather preferable to living on an atmospheric dome… unless Anon doesn’t live on Earth. 

Mind blown yet? So far, in evidence of “2112” taking place on Mars, we have:

The mention of “Twin Moons” and their specific capitalization

The importance of Greco-Roman myth in Rush’s music

The lack of mentioning Earth

The perpetuation of the idea of terraforming in science fiction during this time

The comparison to the Outer Planets

Evidence to the contrary includes:

Mentioning that planets were blown up and added as moons (unlikely the case)

The mention of the cave and the waterfall (see terraforming)

The guitar, which I didn’t mention before, but I have my own theory about that I’ll write in a separate essay. 

Now, if Peart indeed meant to imply that “2112” takes place on Mars, and it’s not just me reading way too into this, then why would he make that decision (other than smoking LOTS of pot)? What does “2112” taking place on Mars add to the story? Well, for starters, in Roman mythology the god Mars rules over warfare, however taking on a more strategic role than his Greek counterpart. With the main plot of “2112” being about rebellion against an authoritarian system, it would add a layer of symbolism to have the story take place on Mars, the god of strategic warfare. In fact, Mars itself may represent the Solar Federation, seeing how sometimes Mars was called the “Red Star”, and with the “Red Star of the Solar Federation” symbolizing the whole collective. It would then make sense to have Phobos and Deimos, terror and horror, orbiting this symbol of the Solar Federation, as with any good fictional dystopian government, they employ both emotions to keep people in line. 

Overall, while this one is a bit of a reach, I do believe that viewing 2112 as taking place on Mars adds an interesting lens to this iconic work of progressive rock. 

[ao3feed-kiribaku]

What would I do without you?

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/V3tesXW by jaylin_xxo Kirishima broke up with Bakugou six months ago, no one knows why, not even Bakugou himself, so what happens when Bakugou still has feelings for Kiri and gets drunk one night for the first time since the break up. He ends up drunk texting Kiri and resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the loss of his best friend/ex lover. TW: READ THE TAGS AND THE NOTES‼️‼️ (hurt/comfort) this fic isnt as angsty as the tags make it seem Words: 1871, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: M/M Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou Additional Tags: PUTTING THE TW TAGS FIRST, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, distorted self awareness (i dont know if that makes sense), Crying Kirishima Eijirou, Blood and Injury, not very descriptive but meh, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Suicide, not attempted suicide bc he wasnt actively trying to die, Blades, Razors, chat fic kind of, some of it is, Mentioned Bakusquad (My Hero Academia), Drunkenness, Depressed Bakugou Katsuki, Drunk Texting, Alcohol, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Bakugou Katsuki-centric, Bakugou Katsuki Needs a Hug read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/V3tesXW