#ugh this is so stupid. im just doing this to myself so whatever suck it up

[tillman]

gahh . im still thinking about stuff.

[cornflowercanine]

starting to understand that whole "erase entire online presence and restart from new" thing everyone's 833n on a8out for forever

[diacripticcomplex]

Kou x yui 🫶🏻

Kou’s POV:

Man! I was so fucking tired, its been a really long day but in a good way, I got a lot of work done and still managed to go to school, witnessed my fan girls beat up and bully Maso-kitty, it was such a great day. I’m kind of hungry, I don’t think Ruki made anything tonight, ugh this sucks. I pass by the kitchen, and peer inside. She was in there making something that smells absolutely delightful, no better than Ruki though of course~!

“Hey Maso-Kitty, watchu making?” I ask her, literally going right behind her and hugging her, pressing myself as close as possible to her. “Ah Kou, you startled me…I’m making some pasta..” she says, she looked really focused on this. I noticed it smelled like Vongole sauce. “Are you making vongole Bianco ?” I asked her, she nods, this is honestly great! “That’s literally my favorite type of pasta dish, make me some too” I demand from her. “Oh..I’m almost done though..and I only made a portion for myself..” she reveals. My whole entire mood just drops. “So what? Its not like you bought any of these ingredients..stop being a stingy bitch and make me some.” I bluntly tell her, her eyebrows are frowning, she’s doing her usual sad face, that look annoys me more than anything. “I’ll make it for you after I eat..is that okay?” She says to me, but like I know that she wants to just eat it and let me starve. I begin to laugh “yes you can do that, but hurry up and eat im STARVING…you know what Maso-Kitty maybe I should help you out a little?” I tell her, my eyes gleaming at her, she begins to back away from me, with her plate. I corner her in the middle of the kitchen counter.

I snatch her plate and take a handful of the hot pasta and shove it deep into her mouth, she begins to choke on it. Hmm I like how she gagged on it. She pushes me away from her and spits out the food, coughing like crazy. I couldn’t help but laugh at how she looked, all pathetic. “No no, don’t waste the food, eat it off the floor.” I tell her, she looks up at me horrified, that wasn’t that bad of a request I have no idea why she is giving me that face..as if she wants mercy, I’m not giving her none today, she ruined my day! I grab her by her locks and push her head down to the food she spat out. “Eat it” I demand, I dug my nails into her scalp at this point. “No! Let go of me…whats wrong with you??” She had the nerve to ask me that. I see how it is, she wants to play stupid, I’ll make her regret that.

I lift her up by her hair, then push her into the marble kitchen island. She tried running away but I locked her wrists in my hands, shoving my knee in between her legs. I lean down, and bite her neck, that first bite of her blood..its so filling and slakes my every thirst, what the fuck is this? Vampire crack? Whatever, it doesn’t even matter. She was going to satisfy my appetite one way or another. “Kou..Please stop, I feel like I’m going to pass out. “ she says, and then she really does pass out. I let her fall to the floor next to that mess she spat out.

An hour goes by and I hear a knock on my door, it was her. She handed me a plate of pasta. The nerve of this girl..I was still mad at her so I dumped it all over her, I pulled her into my room and slammed the door shut, pinning her up against it. “You know what, maybe I’ll just eat off you..” I say, and began licking the sauce off her cheeks and slurping a pasta strand, some of it was going down her shirt and shorts so I decided to tear her clothes off of her. The sauce dripped down to her nipples and her pelvis, I licking her nipples and nibbled on them slightly, making sure to take all the sauce, then I licked down her naval to her pelvis, she jolted and gasped at this. “I’m just eating, what’s with these reactions~?” I say to her, I lift up her legs and pry them open, there wasn’t any food that went down there but I was interested in giving her some nice top tier head. I kissed her pretty pussy, and started to ravage it the fuck up, “Kou..No there’s no food there why are you..you doing this?” She could barely speak, I ignored her and continued to do as I pleased.

Her blood always tasted amazing, but her pussy was beyond me. She tasted so sweet like fruits, I remember when I was a human and tried some fruits for the first time, thats exactly what she tastes like, I could lick and slurp her all day, the juices were flowing and I was enjoying every drop that landed on my tongue. I looked up at her and noticed her clenching her lips trying not to moan. So I start fingering her, the oozing juices flowed out of her, I think I got aroused by that since I felt myself stiffen down there, I slip off my pants and pull my drawers down, sticking my meat inside of her, I gripped her hips, and swayed into her, thrusting passionately. I bring her leg up to my face and lick it, there was some sauce on it, and then i kissed her feet and started to suck on her toes as I kept fucking her, she was panting and breathing loudly but not moaning like crazy, still trying to clench her lips, I started to go faster and harder and that caused her to scream out, I changed the positions and we were in a spooning position while standing, it was definitely going to make me cum soon, I could tell she was already creaming on my dick. I could feel myself ready to burst, I pull out and nut all over her back and butt, then I slap her butt and kiss her nape. Now thats a great way to eat pasta.

[cursingcrona]

THE INTERNAL FIGHT I HAD WITH MYSELF OVER THOSE OPTIONS IS SO CONCERNING 😭😭 /sillywilly

i had to pick a neutral option because i feared like, its so stupid, but i had this thing say like "ohh wings are like so important to our relationship with apollon lets choose that" but then like "ok but if we get close enough to asmodeus for nicknames & symbols or whatever then we'll feel bad so" does that make sense????? im sorry lol

i decided to go with🦉because owls are my newest special interest at the moment, i hope thats ok!! (& speaking of nicknames, THANK YOUUU for wanting to give me a proper way of addressing, i love nicknames so much, ugh)

but, i don't wanna overwhelm you or anything with my questions, so i'll for 1 make this the last one for the day, and 2, do you have boundaries do you have that i should keep in mind?

and, you said anything can be devotional, how i can decide whats big and whats not.. thats so freeing but so worrying lol. like we know, i cant practice openly, so i try to do "discreet" things. for apollon, i paint for him, devote a plush and give offerings of matching jewelry, ect. i find it super easy to do devotional things! but, with the way i've seen people paint infernals in general online, it scares me to think i'll be like "my king!! (insert nickname or smth), i made you this!" or "i did this in honor of you!" and him going "... ok??"

i actually used to work with dionysus! (i plan to continue when i move out, but,) unfortunately i did have to distance myself and focus on a single deity, because i suck at multi-tasking my worship, and i have a serious fear of spending "too much" time with a deity, or, "too little." i don't want any of my deities to feel "unloved" or something because i feel shy or something around them at first.

i don't wanna seem weird, or cringey. especially with how sometimes i'll have to just randomly put up my pendulum or something in the middle of a conversation because my mom walked in or something.

i've seen a lot of people say "oh lucifer hates people with trauma" or something, and i know asmodeus isnt lucifer, but it's a little scary to think i'll end up ugly-crying in front of him one day and he's just gonna disappear. i really hate the thought of being abandoned, especially by my deities, so i get so skeptical of them at some point. like, apollon was reassuring me like 5 times a day or something that he wasn't tricking me, hating me, going to just pack his bags and dip out randomly, ect. and it scares me to think asmodeus is going to see my trauma, and, idk, laugh? i know it ultimately comes up to how our relationship goes, but, i genuinely feel safe with king, he doesn't scare me, per say. i just, don't know.

.. sorry if i got a little too heavy or something there! but, thank you so much for being really attentive to my long asks. it means a lot! i really appreciate the help <3

-🦉

Hi Nonnie!! I'll cover the non-religious here, then under the cut I'll dive into the ask!

I really like the Owl you chose! I wanted to keep your options narrow cause decisions scare me ^^"

I always, on all of my accounts, try to keep answers as long as I can; sometimes it's hard!

It means alot you'd even consider my boundaries!!

Honestly, I don't really care what's in my inbox! Vents, asks, questions, comments, corrections, concerns! I love it all!! If someone wanted to DM me I'd be ok there too! My only really trigger religion wise is cults, though I won't be getting into that ^^"

It's a very valid concern to worry about spending "too much" or "too little" time with your deities. I worry about that all the time with my five about to be six! I think you made the right choice going for something neutral!

I also understand, the gut wrenching fear of a deity abandoning you. It's not necessarily abandoning you. Many deities come with lessons, and once they've taught you their lessons, they'll leave.. It's sad, and hurts. When Lucifer and Lilith left me, it took everything in my power to not bawl. It hurt, but they had taught me what I needed to know, and knew I would be ok without them by my side.

Deities may be made out as if they don't want anything to do with your life outside of worship, but that's how you build a more personal relationship! Ugly crying in front of your deities isn't anything to apologize for, it's human. Naturally and truly human. You don't have to apologize for being human.

Deity work is alot, but i truly believe you'll make it through without being abandoned.

You can decide what's "big" and "little" based off anything! Expense, size, how it looks, etc!

All of these things can make something a big or little offering or devotion. But even if something dedicated to a deity isn't indicative of how worthy it is of a deity!

I think that's about all i have for this ask, very sorry it's so short!! Blessed Be 🦉 Nonnie

[bubsub69]

Entry 37

24/12/2023 00:10 Merry Christmas Eve and merry month of no contact with J

… I dont even know what to write about im just crying and want to get the sad out so i stop being a useless fuck and get to work Been talking to another girl i met on reddit (platonically), she seems really nice… but she hasnt respoded to me today… and left me hanging 2 days ago. Probably more ghosting… i guess i should be used to this… I have other e-friends i can keep talking to them… who am i kidding i had so much fun talking to her… ugh stop being dramatic its been a day shes just busy, its christmas and shes probably a terminally online loser like me…she'll get back to me…i hope…

I kind of made up with my cousin so thats nice too i guess… im catsitting for her and my cat is being a coward to her cat so no playtime with them

i hate these fucking tangents i dont give a fuck about this shit. i just want… i dont even know what i fucking want anymore… is company even enough? ive been talking to some people and i still feel like shit, what else am i gonna fall back one? touch starved? what happens if by some miracle i get some touch and it doesnt magically solve all my problems then what? jumping off a bridge and feeling the touch of the ground?

been thinking way too much about suicide lately… damn bad voice wont stfu.

what the hell is even wrong with me… cant talk to people, cant be productive cant be happy

oh hey someone replied to me… why do i suck at talking online as well… all i know besides asking what people are doing is asking stupid worthless questions, i cant even talk about myself spontaniously because im scared of the other person being disinterested and im too much of a dumb ass to talk about myself besides some random fucking tidbits…

well the writing seems to have worked in getting the sad out so ill try to get back to work i guess… merry christmas or whatever

[walleeli]

Today on Blue Nuzlocke:

Not one but TWO gym battles today. Kunigami soloed Milo and the gang. We make for route 5 and my first encounter is a fucking Applin 💀 named him Kurona to try and soften the blow and make him grow on me. Its not working. That thing sucks so bad. To the boxes with ye. Get to Hulbury and I am acutely aware that we are not fucking ready to face Nessa. So I’m scrambling trying to figure out where and how I can get more guys. Preferably with advantage over water types.

Now. Folks. This is the part where it gets embarrassing for me… yall I do not know pokemon type strengths and weaknesses. So my first move. Was to find an ice type. And I did. We now have a little baby Snorunt named Rin. And then I googled water type weaknesses. And then I debated blowing up. So at this point I’m like shit and also damb. Where do I find a pikachu. But I don’t look up where to find pikachu I just start walking around in a location I haven’t encountered anything yet. And I am flabberghasted by a Stunky. Ok. Whatever. Catch it. My son now. His name is Karasu. And he gets boxed cuz he cannot help me right now.

So its been hours and I’m still just as unprepared for Nessa as when I started but I’m such an “oh well” and “lets get it over with” girlie im like hey. If Kunigami (vulpix) can pull it off so can Aryu (budew). And then I stall for a minute to go fish in Hulbury because OBVIOUSLY im gonna need a water type on hand for the next gym. Which I will surely be reaching. We go. I get a chewtle. Ok cool. Looks like Tokimitsu. Rock on. Boxes for now. Nessa time.

Aryu is fucking schooling the water gym. I’m like thank fuck. And when he starts getting low I throw Gagamaru (meowth) in there and he finishes it up with his metal claws or whatever the fuck its called. I do their silly little puzzle and I’m ready to die I mean live. Nessa fight is going all according to keikaku until she pulls out Drednaw. Who has Aryu on the ropes from the word go. Like to the point where I cannot risk even switching him out because my other troops are wounded. (I took Kurona in as our third to try and give him leveling opportunity. Not a good move. He was useless.) But I’m not going to let her kill me after everything I’ve been through. So what ends up happening is the worst quality tv you’ve ever seen. Just 25 minutes of me spamming potion in response to her nonstop Headbutts and waiting for Aryu’s poisoning to drain Drednaws stupid life away. It was boring. It was excruciating. I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone. But we survived. Nessa made some comment about my character having the ‘will to take on the champion’ or something’ and I wish their was a way to convey to her that I was sat in bed debating killing myself from about her third exact same move. Guys I don’t think Nuzlocke is fun. Oh my god.

Anyways <3 Two down however many to go. We make for Galar mines no. 2. Bede kills Kunigami. Fucking unreal. But its chill because he has wildcard privileges. The king WILL return if I have anything to say about it. Um. Then some random trainer kills Tokimitsu. Im like well. Ok. And now I’m in the mines fishing because I still need a water type for OH THAT RIGHT. Ok so I went back to Motostoke to fish somewhere between somewhere cuz again. Need water type. And I get a fucking. Magikarp. So you know I had to name it Igurashi. Its lvl 8. Genuinely I don’t even think its worth dealing with it. Ugh.

So anyways back to the mine. I’m fishing. Guess what? Its a fucking chewtle again. At this point me and those fucking things have BEEF ive been trying to level my dudes and they have been non fucking STOP they are EVERYWHERE every patch of grass every fishing spot every dynamax hole in the ground ITS BEEN MADDENING. And technically the set of rules I’m playing on says I can get another go if I run into something I’ve already got but. I decided its funnier this way. And also Tokimitsu died so technically I DON’T got. So this bastard is coming home with me. Fine. Named him Kaiser. My enemy’s name for my enemy. Thats cute and fun. I hope he dies soon. Team Yell grunts beat the shit out of me and Hop. I almost lost Aryu and Gagamaru both. Kaiser pulled his weight but I’m not gonna give him flowers about it.

Exit the mines. Close my eyes and run into the first tall grass field. Encounter a scraggy (pokemon I love dearly) im like yayayy!! Finally a nice thing for the specialest girl in the world! Acquired it. Named it Bachira. When he dies the run dies I don’t care. My special little guy. And thats what you missed on Glee.

[flyingcookierambles]

oh yeah some silly gpose i guess

under the cut

i have to learn how to screen record tomorrow when the game is back up bc static pictures cannot do the nirvana zeta (replica) justice. the thing changes colors! the gems are rainbow!!! its so pretty. my pride and my joy and my source of pain and suffering for about 1 year lol.

the above were in my Off gshade setting. that is to say, my own setting. which is why it sucks and is so so crunchy. like. i really am envious of Pint (former WoW player, now a ffxiv lalafell streamer and machinima/animator/comedy guy/femboy kinda lol) and his gshade settings are so so pretty and cinematic and the DoF auto setting is good i really have to find the vod or something where he sets it up or answers a question abt it so i can copy. he’s only adjusted it a few times in his vods and i think the names of the settings were just like “Pint ____” so its custom i guess and everything uuugh will he release his settings publicly i need to knowwwwwwww ugh

anyways BLUE TONGUE AAAAAAAA RAEN ARE SO CUTE i can never fantasia to be a xaela or non-au ra race now im sorry the blue tongue is just so so cute and such a dumb little detail i love it lolgruhago

on a shadowbringers train last night (im in a hunt linkshell for Jenova called Hunt VIOLENCE II but is 128/128/full so idk if the ppl running it will make a VIOLENCE III or what lol). someone sniped the grassman :( monke gone

bonus silly adventurer plates

played the piano for francel at the firmament and unlocked charlemend’s custom deliveries finally. loved this scene. on one hand i get that they’re just reusing npcs bc it probably costs money to make new ones or whatever the push of the randomization button is, on the other hand i love that they reuse npcs bc i can name ppl and ishgard feels lived in with your familiar neighbors :)

tbh pre-hw, i accidentally spoiled myself via the subreddit and twt, not on the plot stuff for hw, but the ishgardian restoration. and also a bit of dark knight. so. my impression was the gross communal salt rocks, the squishy beds of mysterious substance, the murder of the innocent orl tribe. so. my first impression, pre-hw, was...not great.....but now that it really seems like they’re trying to make it a better more inclusive place and moving more towards living with the dragons like letting ehll tol and her dragon friends live in the city, plus the machinist questline of the great equalizer power of gun uhhh i mean hilda and her hounds providing the brume and common folk safety in the streets instead of just the corrupt temple knights - ishgard just feels like home now. :) there’s also the crystarium on the first.

anyways, visited another world after seeing a shb hunt ad on the centurio hunts discord.

also, my crappy apartment in-game in the empyreum / the ishgardian housing apartments. im finally decorating it.

saw a concert in gridania aetheryte plaza and there was a portgas d ace cosplayer lol.

anyways i loved my co-healer cajun lettice here lol we all had brain fog. thankfully no full raid wipes, just...our team. lol

slightly outdated, but heres my suffering inventory and relic grind. im on the stupid atma books rn, so kinda disregard the atma shown here rn.

edit: realized i forgor to add the pics of the artemis atma oops. the colorful one is the gshade neneko x eorzea collection natural vanilla settings. the drab boring one is just the vanilla base game. literally. so. drab. even on my regular ps4 and whenever i borrow my sister’s ps5 to play, our tvs have built-in shader/color adjusting settings to make it look not. dirt. ugh. gshade really helps this game i swear idk how vanilla ppl do it anymore lol. its not even like cheating modding fluid aura type game mods like in world of warcraft, its literally just a built in instagram filter lol.

just putting these here bc. uh. i was thinking of helping out that tracking site that’s been helping me not go absolutely bonkers doing these dang relics. they need a picture of it or something i guess. idk. its this website, it saves me so much time and hassle. > https://ffxivrelictracker.com/

ok and maybe the zodiac buddy dalamund add-on*winks*

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[kunrengui]

.

[restapesta]

hi emina! happy last week of no school ♥♥

15. “Finally. Missed you so much.” but make it sort of in front of other people??🙏🙏🙏 if u want. it's okay if not, too!

MONDAY

---

ian (1:11 AM): it's hot as fuck here. can't sleep.

ian (1:12 AM): also, lip snores

mickey (1:12 AM): that's what you get for leaving me

ian (1:13 AM): drama queen, i only left this morning. be back in just a week.

ian (1:13 AM): why are YOU awake?

mickey (1:14 AM): fuck you, just a week. 🖕🖕🖕

ian (1:14 AM): 🙄

ian (1:14 AM): go to sleep

mickey (1:15 AM): you woke me up???

ian (1:15 AM): doesn't matter. just go to sleep.

mickey (1:15 AM): probably not

ian (1:16 AM): ???

mickey (1:17 AM): can't sleep without you

incoming call from ian (1:17 AM)

---

TUESDAY

---

mickey (11:22 AM): college bitch still pissed at us for waking him up?

ian (11:25 AM): isn't speaking to me. bitched about it to fiona the entire morning.

ian (11:25 AM): "can't go a night without him." blah blah

mickey (11:25 AM): fuck him. wyd right now?

ian (11:27 AM): helping Fi with the moving shit.

ian (11:27 AM): you?

mickey (11:28 AM): lunch with tami. bitching about lip.

ian (11:29 AM): 😌

ian (11.29 AM): that same lip is currently screaming my ear off to get off the phone.

ian (11:29 AM): keep bitching, my love

mickey (11:30 AM): tell him to fuck off.

mickey (11:30 AM): also, call me when you're done

ian (11:31 AM): 😘

mickey (11:31 AM): 🙄🖤

(12:57 PM) incoming call from ian

(16:44 PM): incoming call from mickey

(21:44 PM) incoming call from ian

---

WEDNESDAY

---

mickey (09:06 AM): come back home, im bored.

mickey (09:06 AM): Fiona doesn't need you for an entire fucking week.

ian (09:10 AM): 😬 just five more days

ian (09:10 AM): Fiona says hi!

mickey (09:11 AM): I'm horny, this is stupid.

ian (09:12 AM): handy-dandy hand 😁

mickey (09:12 AM): 🖕🖕🖕🖕

mickey (09:13 AM): ...something to work with?

ian sent a link (09:14 AM)

mickey (09:15 AM): you did not just send me the benefits of a cold shower, you bitch.

ian (09:16 AM): loveeeeee youuuuuu

mickey (09:16 AM): 🙂🔪

incoming call from ian (12:33 PM)

incoming call from ian (17:29 PM)

incoming call from mickey (00:12 AM)

---

THURSDAY

---

ian (08:12 AM): I'm horny.

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): MICKEY

ian (08:14 AM): babyyyyyy

ian (08:14 AM): pleaseeeeee come on, you're not sleeping rn

mickey sent a link (08:16 AM)

ian (08:16 AM): i deserved that.

mickey (08:17 AM): handy-dandy 🤛

ian (08:17 AM): hate myself at this moment 🙂

mickey (08:17 AM): 🤭😘

-

ian (09:44 AM): coffee on facetime?

incoming call from mickey (09:45 AM)

---

FRIDAY

---

ian (14:22 PM): sorry for the ghosting

ian (14:22 PM): Fiona's been killing me with the whole apartment cleaning shit

ian (14:23 PM): And Lip's hiding from her so he's always with me.

ian (14:23 PM): i know it's been a day.

mickey (14:25 PM): well, well, look who decided to text their husband finally

mickey (14:25 PM): it's been a whole day, ian.

mickey (14:26 PM): we are no longer on speaking terms.

ian (14:26 PM): 😲😨

ian (14:26 PM): i'm sorry.

ian (14:26 PM): i miss having breakfast with you.

ian (14:27 PM): i miss sleeping with you

ian (14:27 PM): i miss kissing you

ian (14:28 PM): and doing other things with you 😏

ian (14:28 PM): miss you so fucking much.

ian (14:28 PM): mick?

mickey (14:30 PM): ugh fine, you sap

mickey (14:30 PM): call me

incoming call from ian (14:31 PM)

---

SATURDAY

---

incoming call from mickey (18:55 PM)

ian (19:24 PM): phone sex is cool, but we should try sexting 😳

mickey (19:26 PM): i don't need a reminder of your disgusting ass dick anywhere on my phone.

ian (19:26 PM): hm? 🤔 not what you were saying ten minutes ago.

ian (19:27 PM): you sure you ain't ready for round two? 😏

ian (19:27 PM): bet facetime sex is even better.

incoming call from mickey (19:28 PM)

-

ian (02:22 AM): i miss you. i really fucking miss you.

---

SUNDAY

---

ian (08:02 AM): flight is at 10

mickey (08:04 AM): i'll be waiting for you when you land.

---

It had only been a week. A week filled with phone calls and text messages and a whole bunch of facetime—but, fuck, it had been a week.

Did Ian really have to go on and visit Fiona alone with Lip? Was it really that necessary for him to travel all the way to the alligator land just so they could help Fiona switch apartments? Mickey didn't see the point of the long-ass trip to Florida just so Ian could complain about how humid it was and how it was a blessing he didn't share a room with Lip anymore.

Mickey missed him. He missed him a lot more than he thought he would, and he really should've considered the fact that he and Ian spent most of their time together. They may have been apart before for long periods of time, but it was hard to tear them away from each other nowadays.

So maybe it wasn't that much of a surprise he'd had a hard time adjusting to the empty space of their apartment and the coldness of their bed. The lack of dad jokes during their long rides at work and the unmistakable scent of Ian that had been slowly fading and was almost gone now.

That was Mickey's excuse for not doing laundry. He didn't wanna lose Ian's smell from their home. The sappy excuse would probably work with Ian, he thought.

And even if it didn't, Mickey could distract him from his annoyance in other ways.

Airports sucked.

Being in an airport, waiting on Ian and Lip with their family of twenty thousand—or six, whatever—sucked even more.

But the plane had already landed and it would be just another couple minutes before Mickey saw his husband for the first time in a week. Before he wrapped his arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. He didn't even give a shit if anybody saw him and thought how big of a fag he was.

Husband. That was the only thing on his mind currently.

"They should be here already," Tami said, bouncing Fred up on her hip.

Debbie shrugged from beside Mickey, one hand tightly holding onto the redheaded girl between them. She was fisting the fabric of Mickey's jacket, and it made Mickey smile. It eased the anticipation a little.

Who was he kidding? There were swarms of bees in his stomach, poking and stinging. He felt slightly nauseous.

"I think I see Lip!" It was Liam who exclaimed.

Mickey didn't see Lip.

But he did see the redhead trailing right behind him, a suitcase in his right hand, recently bought for the trip. His hair was ruffled, and his eyes were sleepy, the jet lag probably hitting him in full swing.

Still, the green orbs Mickey missed so much lit up the moment he noticed Mickey, the corners of his mouth twisting up into a wide smile.

Mickey wasn't any better. He could feel the grin stretching across his face involuntary, yet he did nothing to hide it. Nothing to stop it from spreading. He didn't care to hide the excitement he was feeling upon seeing Ian for the first time in a week.

A week.

His legs moved on their own accord, and in what felt like no time at all, he was engulfed into a hug, Ian's long arms circling him—it was familiar; comfortable, and warm.

"Fucking finally," Ian choked out against Mickey's hair, his lips pressed to the top of his head, cradling his body gently. "I missed you so much."

Mickey tilted his chin up and their lips connected in a brief kiss. Just a peck that turned into a couple more, all loud on the pullback, their limbs still wrapped up in each other.

"Missed you more."

They stared into each other's eyes longingly for a couple of moments—it was probably too soft and sappy for them, but who gave a shit? They hadn't seen each other in a week.

What interrupted them eventually were a few short coughs, as if somebody was clearing their throat.

Mickey glared at Lip, practically forcing himself to tear his eyes away from the man he was holding.

"We done with the reunion or you guys wanna continue making out in the middle of the airport...?"

Ian was the one who flipped him off, finally disentangling himself from Mickey so he could greet his siblings properly and pick Franny up into a long hug. It made Mickey frown, the loss of contact. He forced himself to endure it, though—half an hour of a ride longer and they'd be home alone, free to do whatever the fuck.

Still, as soon as they were done with the obligated reunions and the questions about Florida and Fiona, Ian found himself next to Mickey again, gripping Mickey's palm and intertwining the fingers with his own.

Who gave a shit if anybody was looking? Who gave a shit if Lip was rolling his eyes at the obvious display of affection or if Carl was making obnoxious kissy faces at them as if they haven't been married for a while now—Mickey saw none of that shit.

All Mickey saw was Ian.

[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: you are a mermaid and you save a handsome man from drowning but little do you know it’s not his first rodeo when dealing with mermaids. seonghwa, a former prince, is currently hongjoong’s first mate and boyfriend. hongjoong is the captain, the pirate king of the most savage crew across the seas. and you want nothing to do with them. not because they’re pirates, but because they’re humans…

ship: mermaid!reader x prince/pirate!seonghwa x pirate!hongjoong

genre: little mermaid!au, pirate!au, fantasy, romance, fluff, implied smut, angst

warnings: some swearing, a lot of making out, cliffhanger bc im evil

word count: 1.5k

chapter one ☠️ chapter two ☠️ chapter three ☠️ chapter four ☠️ chapter five ☠️chapter six ☠️ chapter seven ☠️ chapter eight ☠️ chapter nine ☠️ chapter ten ☠️ chapter twelve ☠️ chapter thirteen ☠️ spotify playlist 

You kept marvelling at your new legs and kept running around the deck like an excited puppy despite Hongjoong's loud protests.

"You'll break my ship, dumbass," he joked.

You stuck out your tongue at him.

"Deal with it," you giggled.

And before you could react, he was coming towards you in a somewhat threatening manner.

"Sorry, sorry, I take it back!" you took a step back, admitting defeat.

Suddenly, Hongjoong grabbed you by the waist, swinging you in the air so that your legs couldn't touch the ground. You squealed in surprise and yet, couldn't help but feel warmth for him. Despite the past, he'd still come for you and your sister. He'd still tried his best to help you out and eventually, he'd accepted you into his little family. And for that, you would be forever grateful.

"Come on, put me down already," you chuckled, playfully hitting his chest.

"You'll stop running?" he tried to reason with you.

"Why do you mind it so much?" you pouted.

"It's distracting."

"Unless you have a better idea of what to do with my legs."

"I might have something in mind," Hongjoong smirked.

But apparently, he had no intention of putting you down despite your objections. Soon enough, he carried you into what you assumed was his shared room with Seonghwa. And landed you right in Seonghwa's lap much to your amusement.

"Hi," you mumbled awkwardly the second your eyes met Seonghwa's.

"Hey," your beloved answered.

"Splendid," Hongjoong mused. "Keep her occupied, will you? And don't let her sprint across the damn deck."

"Why? Where are you going?" Seonghwa asked.

"Does it matter? I can't get anything done around here," he sighed.

"Can't you stay here with us?" you suggested without thinking twice about it. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait."

Hongjoong rolled his eyes.

"Fine. My productive day has been ruined already."

You stretched your hand out to grab Hongjoong's and pull him closer.

"Don't be such a buzzkill," Seonghwa teased his boyfriend.

"Or what?"

"Or...I'll have to teach you a lesson," Hwa warned.

"Ugh, you're both so annoying," Joong muttered under his breath.

"Care to repeat that?" Seonghwa whispered darkly.

Hongjoong shook his head. Wise man.

"That's what I thought."

You laughed and wrapped your arms around Hwa's neck.

"Don't give him such a hard time, love," you asked quietly. "Our captain has been doing so good lately, hasn't he?"

"Hm, I suppose you're right," Seonghwa agreed. "But I don't want to let him off the hook so easily. I mean, where's the fun in that?"

You and Seonghwa exchanged a meaningful look and immediately turned your attention to Hongjoong who looked vaguely uncomfortable, sitting next to you two.

☠️☠️☠️

Hongjoong's POV

Okay, I was completely done for. These two were going to be my ruination. Even the deal with that demon suddenly seemed less intimidating than their intoxicating presence. The way Seonghwa carried himself with so much grace and how he was capable of commanding everyone so easily...The way Y/N was capable of turning her playful stare into a menacing one in less than a second...If I wasn't so turned on, I would probably be terrified. The most savage pirate king of the seas made weak by a former prince and a mermaid. It was almost comical.

Seonghwa murmured something in Y/N's ear. Something I couldn't quite hear. She grinned wickedly and oh, how badly I wished I hadn't come here and just let her run like a kid around the stupid old deck. But it was too late now so I had to face the consequences for my actions.

Y/N moved away from Seonghwa's lap and approached me slowly, sitting on my legs instead.

"W-what are you doing?" I inquired in shock.

"Does it matter?" she said, mirroring my words.

"You're the one who asked me to stay here," I reminded her dumbly.

"So what? You agreed, didn't you?"

"And I'm starting to regret that."

"Aw, really?" she replied in a slightly mocking tone. Then, Y/N began stroking my hair ever so gently.

Damnit, I probably wouldn't admit it out loud, but it felt quite nice.

"You like that?" she wanted to know cutely.

"Y-yeah," I couldn't help it. So much for my pride...

After that, she completely took me by surprise and kissed me. Not like before. She kissed my lips and I wasn't sure why it was happening but I was fairly certain I didn't want it to stop.

"Does this feel good?" Y/N asked eventually. I was literally gasping for air and she had the audacity to call it good. This was so much better. It was heavenly.

"Mhm," I managed, not capable of doing justice to the reality.

Somehow, I had almost forgotten that Seonghwa was right there! Observing us...I wondered what was going on inside his head. Was he enjoying this? I broke eye contact with Y/N to check his expression. He looked utterly transfixed by what he was seeing. And a small part of me was telling me that Seonghwa was probably the one to suggest this in the first place. What amazed me was Y/N agreeing to it.

"Oh, don't mind me, just keep going," Seonghwa, upon noticing my distraction, ordered us to continue. And honestly, I would be a fool to argue with him.

"Where were we?" I pretended to have forgotten.

"I believe I was kissing you and you were having a jolly good time," Y/N reminded me boldly.

"That's an understatement," my response was barely audible but she probably had superhearing or something, judging by the immediate smirk that graced her face.

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa's POV

I couldn't believe my luck and yet, I was utterly overjoyed by it. They were right here. The loves of my life. And they were kissing happily. It couldn't get any better than that, could it? They were so beautiful...I spent a couple more minutes marvelling at Hongjoong and Y/N making out at a slow pace before I intervened greedily. I pulled her into a passionate but quick kiss, then, my mouth found his, as well. And so, I kept switching positions in order to give them equal attention. I didn't want either of them to feel neglected for I believed myself perfectly capable of pleasing them both. My two loves. Finally together. It was too good to be true.

"Fuck, you're so gorgeous," I panted in-between the thousands of kisses and squeezes and touches.

"Which one of us?" Hongjoong wanted to know cheekily despite the fact that he probably suspected what my answer would be.

"Both of you, silly. Of course, it's both of you," I insisted.

"I think Cap will agree with me that you're the most gorgeous around here," Y/N teased, tracing a finger down my neck.

"For once, we're like-minded," Hongjoong backed her up.

"It's not a competition," I chuckled. "But thanks, I guess."

"We're only speaking the truth," she winked at me.

"Suck-up," I scolded her playfully.

"Hey, that's no way to speak to a lady!" Hongjoong reprimanded me as a joke.

"Since when are you her knight in shining armour?" I exclaimed.

"Since I tasted her lips."

"Boys, boys," Y/N interfered. "Less talking, more kissing. Please and thank you."

I shook my head in amusement, completely infatuated by her. And him.

"Who put you in charge, hm?" Hongjoong tickled her belly energetically.

She shrugged, trying to escape his fingers.

"Captain Y/N has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Little devil," he kept stroking her sides as Y/N cried out.

"Children, children," it was now my time to interrupt the conversation. "I believe we were previously occupied with a far more pleasant activity. Kiss me if I'm right but—"

Neither Y/N nor Hongjoong waited for a second invitation and they took turns melting their cute little lips into mine. It was almost too easy to keep them wrapped around my fingertips. Soon enough, all clothes disappeared somewhere, I didn't even care where, and the three of us found more than comfort in each other's arms...

🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️

Reader's POV

A while later, you woke up from a much needed nap but there was still some time before the sunset, so you figured it wouldn't do harm to spend a couple more minutes lounging in the company of Seonghwa and—

"Where the hell is Hongjoong?" you voiced your concerns out loud. Seonghwa opened his eyes rightaway and looked around in confusion.

"Shit, no, no, it wasn't supposed to happen so early."

"Seonghwa, relax! What do you mean?" you asked. Seeing him so panicked was beginning to worry you even more...

"Let's check around the ship before we jump to conclusions," Seonghwa replied, trying to be rational.

"What conclusions? I don't understand what you're talking about," you mumbled in confusion, already putting on some clothes.

"He wouldn't just leave after what we did...He wouldn't," Seonghwa was not making much sense as the two of you were shouting Hongjoong's name, looking left and right for him, all across the ship. But to no avail. He was nowhere to be found. "I think that he took him."

"Who took him?" you were growing terrified.

"The demon."

To be continued…

[sapphosvioletts]

i feel so fucking guilty for making my best friend leave me. like this literally would not have happened if i just didn't send that text ranting to her. i hate myself so fucking much for it, if i just would have kept shit to myself then we would still be talking and i feel so fucking guilty. god it's gonna suck having to live with this guilt forever, knowing that if only i had just kept this to myself i could have kept my best friend in whole world and still be talking and have their support. i fucking hate myself so much why would i do that and now i'll never get them back because i was stupid when i could have just kept a rant to myself

it's literally been like one day and i already feel like shit and feel another depressive episode coming on. literally all i'm asking for at this point is for her to unblock my number and talk to me like that's literally fucking it. like that's all i want in the world right now, im not even joking i would do literally anything just to have her talk to me again. and i thought by this morning they would have unblocked me at the very least, but they didn't and it hurts a lot. ugh i finally get something good in my life and then i fucking ruin it i hate myself so much

okay but also like when are my trust issues gonna kick in and make me stop trusting people and getting attached to them and then be heartbroken because they leave me like why can't i stop trusting people yet lol

also sorry everyone for all of the rants about this im just really really hurt by it and i have this rlly weird thing where i feel like i have to get my rants to the universe or whatever or else nothing will be done or fixed about it or i won't be heard and normally i'd try to write them down in my journal but my autistic ass loses like all of my motor skills when i'm anxious or stressed so i can not hand write very much at the moment lol

to make up for it i'm gonna try and write more soon. i'm not sure when but im gonna try my best to get at least something out for out for you guys since you deserve more than just my rants and shit

[yellowocaballero]

Prequel to ‘The Crow’s Funeral’: How Agnes + Gerry met, then proceeded to set Jon on fire.

Exactly what it says on the tin. This exists because I was rereading TCF and went “hey did I ever figure out how Agnes and Gerry met”. I didn’t, so this is it. Rest under the cut. No specific warnings except for the fact that, shockingly enough, Jon had gone through a lot of character development prior to the start of TCF and was actually a complete asshole for a year or two. 

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot.

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid.

Agnes was back. 

Gerry didn’t know how she had found him. His hiding place was pretty well hidden, thank-you-very-much. Adults were always trying to barricade themselves in houses - stupid, when the nightshades could drift through shit - and kids were always trying to hide in closets or attics. But Gerry was the perfect mix of adult and child - or, as they’re known, teenagers - and he had way too much experience stripping houses down for the possessions of the recently deceased. 

So Gerry knew about crawl spaces. Like in the Magician’s Nephew, some older row houses had little secret tunnels between each house. You couldn’t quite get into each house normally, but there were always gaps and weak points and hatches. Even better, at the very top there was a hidden attic where the generator and power box lived. It was small, and there were definitely some gross animal corpses that Gerry could have sworn moved, but it was mostly safe. So much as anything was safe. 

But, somehow, Agnes had found him. Gerry didn’t know what she was doing exploring row houses for fun, but judging from the scent of smoke that’s been in the air lately he didn’t want to know. 

The sharp rapping echoed through the small attic, directly under the hatch with a huge heavy space heater dumped on it. Gerry had other means of entry, and Agnes thought that was the only door. Please! As if Gerry would live somewhere with only one escape exit. That was just asking to get stuck in a nightmare for a month. 

But, then again, maybe Agnes had never had to worry about that. 

“I brought food!” The high, clear voice called out - slightly muffled from the ceiling/floor, but unmistakable. “It’s Twinkies! Come down to eat it!”

“No way!” Gerry called down back. “I bet you put offal in it!”

“What does offal mean!”

“It’s, like, organs! Go away, lady!”

“I told you!” Agnes called back, weirdly delighted. “My name’s Agnes! I’m a Princess!”

“Princess of what, being lame!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you, Princess Agnes!”

“Fuck me yourself!”

Ugh! She was so annoying! This was her fourth fucking time coming by here, and ever since she had realized that he was just a teenage boy she had been leaving food in front of the attic door. It was always weird food, too. Didn’t she know what humans ate?

Stupidly on cue, Gerry’s stomach rumbled. Ugh. 

“Go away,” Gerry called back, eager for her to just leave already so he could eat the shitty food she had undoubtedly left. “I don’t feel like getting turned into a candle today!”

For some reason, she didn’t reply to that. Gerry wondered if she was trying to fool him into thinking she was leaving, but joke’s on her - Gerry could hear footsteps all the way through the house. He waited with bated breath for a minute, two minutes, slowly growing confused why she wasn’t either yelling at him or leaving. 

He’d never tell her, but he kind of enjoyed fighting with her. 

Finally, she called out, with an emotion in her voice that he had never heard from her before, “Is that why you won’t come out? You think I’d turn you into a candle?”

Gerry was flabbergasted. “Yes?” he called back. “You turn everyone into candles.”

“...it’s not just because you don’t like me?”

Aw, man. Gerry abruptly felt a little bad for the flame monster cult leader lady. She couldn’t be any older than him. “You’re really nice,” Gerry called back, feeling like an idiot. “I just didn’t make it this far by not being careful! Thanks for the food, though!”

A longer silence this time. For some reason, Gerry felt a weird kind of anxious. Not the normal level of ‘aaah im gonna get eaten’ anxious. But something different. He couldn’t describe it. 

Finally, Agnes called back, “Do you want me to stop bothering you? I’m sorry if I’ve been harassing you. I’m not good at - at all of this.”

Gerry sat in his own silence, sitting cross-legged in front of the space heater on top of the hatch. His baggy jeans clung to his legs, slightly sweaty and definitely unwashed, and his raggedy thin black jacket was also a little sweaty. His hair was plastered to his head, limp and dirty. Wherever Agnes went, heat followed. 

People who made dumb decisions didn’t live very long. Gerry had lived for quite a while - well, he was fifteen, but he had made it all year without getting eaten, which was really quite impressive. 

And he had made it alone. When he woke up in this green and terrifying world, Mum hadn’t been there. He had looked for her for months. He had almost been ripped to shreds in Pinhole Books. She wasn’t in any of their usual London hideaways, either. Maybe she was outside of London, somewhere far away…

In all of Gerry’s books, he’d pack up his backpack and set out to look for Mum. He wouldn’t stop until he found her. Then he’d find out that she’d been embroiled in some plot to stop all of this, and he’d help her, and she’d hug him…

But it wasn’t a book. No matter how strange this new world was, fiction couldn’t begin to match. And Gerry didn’t really miss his Mum. Not really. He missed the fact that he was alone. He missed the fact that she was powerful and smart and talented, and definitely would have been able to protect the both of them. Gerry had to protect himself now, and he missed that safety more than he ever missed Mum. 

Gerry wondered if Agnes was lonely. How could she, with a whole cult?

It was a stupid decision. But Gerry had always trusted too easy, anyway. 

He stood up and pushed the space heater with a thick, screeching grinding sound that scraped uncomfortably along the wood. With a final heave, he pushed it off the hatch, and reluctantly bent down to lift the hatch and unfold the ladder. 

“If you turn me into a candle I’m giving you an allergy attack,” Gerry called down, and the girl known as Agnes Montague smiled up at him brilliantly. 

***

That wasn’t how Agnes and Gerry started. But it had been, maybe, how they got going. 

Agnes, Gerry found out very quickly, was a hot-tempered girl. Save the jokes. She was always dressed like a sixties hippie, and her long red hair was always somehow glistening and clean. She let Gerry touch it, very carefully, and - yep, even the hair was wax. What a weird person. 

After a bit of frantic introductions and suspicious squinting from both sides, Gerry and Agnes had eventually sat down cross-legged from each other as Gerry stuffed Twinkies in his mouth and she eyed them warily. She had eyed them with a bit of trepidation, but Gerry’s obvious joy at eating them must have made her curious. That was one thing Agnes was: curious. Almost to death. 

“You really live up here? And you’ve never gotten trapped by a nightmare?”

Gerry shrugged uncomfortably, sucking at his fingers. “Yep. I run around town a lot too, cuz I get bored otherwise. It’s easy to evade all of that shit if you know how.”

“Wow.” It was probably her being a fire person or whatever, but Agnes’ eyes seemed to sparkle a little bit. “My cult members barely even let me outside by myself, and I can set shit on fire. You’re really weird for a human.”

Gerry couldn’t help but puff out his chest a little, even if he would have preferred her to use any other word than ‘weird’. “That’s what happens when your Mum trains you since birth to be a demon hunter.” He faltered a little. “I’m not sure if she knew this would happen, but I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Your mum knew?” Agnes gasped. “I thought nobody knew about the Entities before the apocalypse!”

“Your cult members must have known, right?” Gerry pointed out, and Agnes nodded in concession of the point. “Yeah, there were always a few of us. Not a lot, though. Tight-knit community, everyone knew each other. Hobbyists, you know. It sucked. Most of the people who got involved in the supernatural were jerks.” Actually, now that Gerry thought about it… “That crazy apocalypse prepper Salasea must be coming out like a bandit right now.”

Agnes nodded sagely, as if she knew who Salasea was. Maybe she did? Gerry had always gotten the impression that if all of the demon hunters knew each other, then maybe all of the demons did too. Eventually word about Mum had really started to get around. 

“You’re the first interesting human I’ve met,” Agnes said thoughtfully. “Most of them just - like, scream, you know? Or pretend I’m not there. Like if they don’t acknowledge me then I can’t hurt them. And, like, that’s the way it works for a lot of these things! But I’m a person too, you know?”

“You really aren’t.”

“I have feelings,” Agnes said firmly. “But maybe the reason why you’re still safe isn’t because you’re a super cool human hunter, Gerry.”

“It has to be a part of it,” Gerry said aggressively, eager to assert his masculinity and how cool he was.

“Of course,” Agnes allowed, making Gerry huff. “But I think it’s because you aren’t scared. You were wondering how I found you, right?” Gerry nodded slowly. He had been wondering how Agnes had caught on that he was living here. “It was because I felt a person - I can always feel body heat - but I didn’t taste any fear. I was setting some row houses on fire just to feel something, and you weren’t feeling anything either!” She set her expression firmly, almost bravely. “I think we’re the same.”

“A goth human teenager living in an attic and a flame princess of the fire cult?” Gerry asked skeptically. They couldn’t be less similar. Gerry lived each day in - well, as Agnes pointed out, not fear, but he was constantly just trying to survive. It was all he had ever known, but he knew that others didn’t live like that. He had known when he was a kid - that other kids were normal, were happy - and he knew it now. That a small handful of people in this world were having a blast, and that everyone else suffered. “We’re nothing alike.”

But Agnes faltered, just a bit, and Gerry just a little bit of that loneliness in her expression again. “You’re the only other kid who’s had a conversation with me.” She paused a beat. “Besides, like, Callum, but he’s a baby.”

Maybe, in a schoolyard or a town or a world, Gerry and Agnes weren’t so similar. Maybe they’d have nothing in common. But maybe, in this world that was both so isolated and so unified, they could be a little similar after all. 

“I’ll allow it,” Gerry said graciously. He wanted to shake her hand, but he deeply knew that it was a bad idea. Instead, he broke his Twinkie in half, and held out the other one to her. “Friends?”

Agnes eyed the Twinkie warily. “Do you become friends by asking to be friends with someone?”

“I dunno, I don’t have any friends.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

But she took the Twinkie. It was a start. 

****

Of course, Gerry and Agnes were far more alike than they had first thought. Mostly in the fact that their evil mothers had killed their fathers (which Gerry had the sneaking suspicion wasn’t a universal experience) and that the both of them were actually kind of literally protagonists of a YA book.

Well, Gerry had always been the protagonist of his own life. But he would write a story about Agnes too: about the spoiled princess who rejected her destiny. Who had a really cool previous life where she was all dramatic and sad and stuff, who died tragically only to be reborn as a magical teenage girl. Seriously, it was right out of a Sarah J Maas novel. 

  Maybe they latched onto each other too quickly, but it was the kind of latching on when you made friends with another kid at the orientation to summer camp and then religiously stuck to the kid once the actual camp started until you got another friend. Maybe. Gerry's never been to summer camp, how was he supposed to know. 

But Agnes was sharply quick, surprisingly kind, and fiercely protective. Gerry had never met somebody who cared as much as her. It was really weird. He supposed that people like her, the powerful and destructive, had the privilege to care. 

Agnes snuck over more and more often, and sometimes Gerry went to go visit her. Eventually they started roaming the streets together, loitering in businesses and committing general acts of tomfoolery. Gerry was an old hat at tomfoolery - he had only been vaguely supervised most of his life - but Agnes encroached every second of minor rule breaking with cautious glee. 

Not that there really were rules anymore. Even if you were the kind of juvenile delinquent that got adults yelling at you and caused minor or major property damage, it wasn’t as if the cops were going to come and take you away. Either you got away with it, or you were eaten for a while. This was very natural to Gerry, and after a little bit of convincing it came easily to Agnes too. Maybe they really were well-suited for each other after all. 

If Gerry’s Mum could see him now, she would call him ‘dreadful’ and ‘ill-mannered’ and ‘badly behaved’. But...she wasn’t there, so she could hardly complain. Served her right.

Months - maybe - later, Gerry and Agnes were hanging out in Gerry’s crawlspace again after a long day terrorizing demons and old men alike. They were splitting a blood orange - literally - and letting the sticky juice (juice?) run down their hands, laughing as Agnes imitated the look of shock on the old man’s face. Sitting down on the floor, flavor bursting sweet on his tongue, as Agnes teased him for dropping peels everywhere...Gerry was almost happy. 

Rookie mistake. 

Agnes sensed it first, stiffening slightly as her body pulsed slightly warmer. Gerry scooted a little further away from her carefully as she turned to look at the thin plaster wall, brow furrowing. 

“Is it a nightmare?” Gerry whispered. “Or a person?”

“Neither,” Agnes whispered back. “It’s…”

Then Gerry heard it too: the clack of nails on hardwood, and a sound so terrifying it made his gut tie itself into knots. It was a growl, bestial and wet. Something was snarling outside.

Gerry stopped breathing, sitting absolutely still. The sounds of sniffing and snarling were loud and distinct, and he couldn’t help but stare at the sticky, juicy, smelly orange in his hands. Agnes was also still, far more completely than Gerry ever could be, carefully listening. 

He wanted to whisper to Agnes, make a game plan, but the monster would hear them. Part of Gerry wanted to tremble in fear, but that wasn’t useful. He forced himself to calm down as best as he could while keeping his breaths minimal. Remember Dune. Fear was the mind killer. Fear is the little death. 

But then Agnes smiled at him faintly, making a gentle gesture with her hand. Agnes was a literal fire messiah. She could take almost any monster. Gerry had never seen her afraid of anything, just contemptuous or annoyed. Having her there with him was more reassuring than any book quote, and Gerry exhaled softly as he smiled back at her. Agnes was going to torch that monster, and it would be super cool, and they’d high five, and -

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot. 

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid. 

A faint yipping echoed through the space, almost like a dog. It could never be mistaken for a dog. 

“Well, yes, there’s people everywhere. Other places have more people, even. Why can’t we just go there?” Another bark, a low bass cut. “Oh, if it’s a Hunt, then it’s alright.”

The heat was growing oppressive, and Gerry frantically motioned for Agnes to cut it out. He was withholding his own ragged breathing, and abruptly Gerry felt as if he couldn’t breathe. It was just making him more scared, the sweat trickling down his neck -

There was another yip, so close it might as well be made in his ear. It clearly came from directly in front of him. 

Gerry couldn’t help it - he screamed, overwhelmed with fire and heat and fear and the wolf at their door. 

The wall exploded.

Dust and insulation burst outwards in a fine white cloud, and Gerry and Agnes were abruptly coughing intensely and the wall cracked, folded, and collapsed inwards. Gerry was showered with fragments of wood and plaster, stifling another scream, and screwed his eyes shut against the sudden influx of light. 

He cracked them open as quickly as he could, unwilling to meet whatever was in front of him with his eyes closed. Instantly, overwhelmingly, Gerry was brought face to snout with a giant wolf.

Gerry firmly believed that people weren’t meant to see apex predators up close. Nobody should be able to touch a bear, was Gerry’s opinion. What was an anaconda? Gerry was on the opposite side of the room. He wasn’t afraid, but he hadn’t made it to the ripe old age of fifteen without being highly cautious. 

It wasn’t right, staring this wolf in the face. Every inch of it stood out to him: the slobber, the snarl, the canines almost as long as his hand. It was silvery white, with a thick ruff and coat, and Gerry watched in awe as the wolf snarled and - 

And stopped snarling. It started looking at him curiously instead, bushy tail sweeping gently side to side. 

The immediate problem almost solved, Gerry was able to take in the figure behind the wolf. 

He was a guy. Unfairly tall, Black with curly hair drawn tight into a ponytail. Sharp features, undercut by unnaturally green eyes. He was in a suit that looked like he had put it on three months ago and had never changed. He was...wearing a trenchcoat? He was just a guy!

“A human!” The man - monster? Guy? Nightmare? Avatar? - cried. “Oh, good job, Daisy! You’re a fantastic investigator.” The wolf - Daisy was a stupid name for a wolf - barked lowly. “Yes, it is like an oven in here, isn’t it?”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. He was still cowering on his ass, covered in dust and plaster. This guy was Agnes’ monster? Maybe she had mistaken him for someone else. “Who -”

“He’s even talking!” The man exclaimed, as if he was a dancing monkey. “They never talk to me voluntarily, you know.” Daisy barked again. “I think it’s cute! Kids are so repetitive, but this one smells great. Good job, Daisy.” 

Before Gerry could protest the man stepped forward and looked down at him, and a sick realization trickled through him. 

The man had nothing behind his eyes. Bright green, sick and churning, radioactive and poisonous. His expression was absent and vaguely curious, like a child watching an ant crawl through its anthill. Slowly, intensely, the man’s placid expression broke into a sharp and demented smile. 

It wasn’t the smile of a human staring at a tasty sandwich. It wasn’t even the smile of a monster drawing a human into a nightmare. It was the smile of a child holding the magnifying glass to the ant: triumphant, because now the child got to see what happens when an ant blackened to a crisp. Elated, because they were the child, and not the ant. Victorious, because they could only remember the distinction in the act of causing harm. 

“Statement of -”

“Leave him alone!”

The monster exploded into flames. 

Agnes leapt from her position in the crawlspace, slightly tucked away out of sight, and shoved at the wolf hard. The wolf yowled, her handprints blackening its fur, and it retreated snarling. 

It was not the first time Gerry had seen someone set on fire. It happened a lot, when you hung out with Agnes. But the man burned, in bright and beautiful red-hot flames, crackling and searing the skin and air and sky. His mouth was open in a silent scream. 

Something green shone from within the flames. 

Then the flames were gone. It was as if he had never been set on fire at all. At most he smelled vaguely of burning flesh, and his hair had broken free of its ponytail to settle in fuzzy waves. 

The monster looked mildly peeved. 

Agnes grabbed Gerry, leaving red-hot scorch marks on his hoodie, and yanked him behind her. Gerry was not embarrassed to say that he absolutely hid behind Agnes as she put herself between him and the monster and his wolf. The wolf who was now snarling deeply at them, and the slightly irritated monster who shook ash off his unharmed trench coat. 

“I don’t care if you called dibs on him,” the monster bitched. “You don’t get to stop me in the middle of a - oh, Agnes!” The monster’s expression brightened as he snapped his fingers. “Agnes Montague, right? Your cult introduced me to you at - what was it -”

“Annabelle’s annual party five months ago,” Agnes said flatly. Her wax hair was still burning at the ends, and although Gerry couldn’t see her expression he knew it had to be fierce. “Nice to see you again, Jon. Now stay away from him.” 

“If you called dibs then you shouldn’t have let me try to eat him,” Jon - which was the dumbest name for an evil monster - complained. He smelled his arm, grimacing. “Setting me on fire’s downright rude, Agnes. Didn’t Jude teach you any manners?”

“Go away!” Agnes yelled. Gerry realized quietly that she was still shaking. “He’s not yours! He’s the one thing you aren’t allowed to hurt!”

Jon frowned at her. Gerry could practically see it: Did_not_compute.exe. It simply didn’t make sense: that there was something in the world that he wasn’t allowed to hurt. That there was something in the world that was not his. 

Before Jon could speak again, his wolf barked harshly at him. She kept barking, completely indecipherably, as Jon’s expression screwed up in uncomprehension. “What does it matter if they’re children.” The wolf barked. “I mean, I don’t actually care if we piss off the Desolation or not.” Bark, bark. “Why are you always guilt tripping me!” Bark, bark, bark, bark. Eventually Jon’s expression turned somewhat abashed, and then downright embarrassed. 

“Right, right.” He turned back to Agnes and Gerry, a little sulky. “Sorry for trying to eat your human, Agnes. In my defense, he was quite -” The dog yipped. “ - innocent, and I’m sure he’s very fun. Great. Well, this was a waste of time. Call me if you get tired of him, Agnes.” 

Jon turned to go, and Gerry could not see his back soon enough. The heat had died as Agnes calmed down, her arms crossed over her chest and scowling fiercely. 

“Apologize to him!”

Jon froze, halfway across the room. Gerry quietly wanted to die. 

The monster slowly turned on his heel, looking at Agnes with a faintly flabbergasted expression. “You can’t be serious -” The wolf barked again. Gerry had the impression that the wolf was in charge of him. “Stop ganging up on me -” Bark. “I don’t know how to talk to humans, don’t make me!” A very firm bark. 

“Do it,” Agnes said firmly. “Or I’ll set you on fire again.”

Unbelievably, the monster groaned. He turned to Gerry, fluorescent eye twitching. “Alright, alright! Listen, uh - kiddo? Kiddo. I am very sorry that you tasted - I am very sorry that I tried to scar you for life and consume your trauma. I cannot stress enough how it’s nothing personal. There.” Weirdly enough, he looked a little proud of himself. “Hah. Totally rocked that talking to a human thing.”

“Uh,” Gerry said, too dizzy with the events of the last ten minutes to care very much about what he said, “is the wolf in charge of you?”

Even more unbelievably, the man brightened. “I’m her assistant! Not very many people pick that up. You’re very bright, little human. Do you want to pet her?” Jon glanced at Daisy, who looked unimpressed. Very loudly, he hissed at her, “Do children like petting dogs?”

The wolf, somehow, seemed to inform him that yes, they did. 

They were in too deep now. Gerry walked up and petted the wolf. It was fucking awesome. Agnes groaned and pulled him back again very quickly. She seemed a little jealous. The wolf yipped at her and Agnes reluctantly petted the wolf too. 

Jon clapped his hands. “Well! That was very unpleasant. I won’t ask what you’re doing hiding in a wall, Agnes. As a personal favor to you.”

“Thanks,” Agnes said flatly. 

“Tell Diego and Jude that I’m not doing it. Or eating your human. As a personal favor to you.”

“Definitely will.”

“Fantastic.” Jon’s eyes glinted, in the soft light of Agnes’ flames. “I’m very happy you’ve reincarnated into that fun child’s body, Agnes. Children are so tempestuous and impulsive. I wouldn’t have tolerated an adult setting me on fire. You understand that, don’t you?” 

Agnes nodded, almost shakily.

“You understand that for an adult, that would have had very different consequences.”

Agnes nodded again.

“Fantastic!” Then Jon was beaming again, all carelessness and laziness. “Have fun, you little delinquents. Come on, Daisy. I’m famished.”

He swanned off, wolf following closely on his tail. But the wolf looked back as it crossed the threshold, large yellow eyes piercing in a way that Gerry just couldn’t name, before they both disappeared. As slowly and terrifyingly as they had come.

Ten seconds passed, then fifteen. 

Agnes crumpled to her knees and bent over the floor, shaking, and her hands pressed hot scorch marks into the wood. She was still shuddering, and Gerry bent down next to her. He couldn’t physically comfort her, but he could put his hand close to hers on the wood. As close as possible, yet never touching. 

“We are so lucky to be alive,” Agnes breathed, before abruptly groaning. “I set him on fire! I set The Archivist on fire!”

The title tickled something in Gerry’s brain, bringing up an insane amount of questions, but he brushed them all aside. Gertrude was dead - or at the very least, very far away, where she was no good to him. She had to be, otherwise he would have noticed her cutting a swathe through Britain by now. 

“Who is he?” Gerry asked. He didn’t really want to know, but...well, he was himself. He wanted to know everything. It was kind of his whole thing.

Agnes sat down on her knees, rubbing her forehead, and Gerry cautiously sat down next to her. “He’s the monster who sold the world. The most dangerous man ever made.”

“The most dangerous man in the world gets bossed around by his dog?” Gerry asked, before the words sunk in. “Wait, I thought that was Jonah Magnus!”

“Jonah Magnus doesn’t kill people because they annoy him!” Agnes snapped, before she groaned into her hands again. “And I set him on fire…Diego is going to kill me!”

“For what it’s worth,” Gerry said awkwardly, “I’m glad you set him on fire. He was kind of a dick.” He paused again, uncertain of how to say it. “And...thanks for caring, I guess. You really don’t have to.” He shrugged, unwilling to state what had always been unsaid between them. “I’m a human. These things happen to us. You just have to deal with it.”

That was the way of the world. It had always been that way, even before the apocalypse. The strong and powerful and important like Jon kicked around smaller people, and the smaller people just hoped they survived it. 

Gerry was a survivor. Nobody had ever saved him before. Maybe because nobody had ever saved him before. 

Agnes tackled Gerry in a tight, pressing hug. She wasn’t hot at all, just mildly warm - an incredible act of effort and concentration on her part. Her arms were solid and unyielding, never mistaken for flesh, but she clutched at him with a unique desperation. Gerry cautiously hugged her back, letting her bury her head into his shoulder. 

“Not to you,” Agnes whispered. “Nothing bad’s going to happen to you. Not even The Archivist.”

“You can’t promise that,” Gerry whispered. 

“We’re family.” Agnes separated from him, stubbornly fighting boiling tears. “And I’m sick of just dealing with it.”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. “Family?” He said weakly.

Agnes blushed hotly. “If you want!” She tightened her fists on her skirt, winding the fabric between her fingers anxiously. “It’s just that - I know you don’t have anyone...and I have my cultists, but they don’t really care about me, not like you do...and I know it used to be different, that family used to mean something different, but I don’t care about what old people thought family meant. I care about you, and we’re sticking together, so that’s what we are.” She faltered a little. “If you want.”

“Siblings, then,” Gerry said faintly. “If you want.”

And he did want it. More than anything, Gerry wanted this. 

When Agnes smiled at him, and she hugged him tightly again, Gerry was halfway certain that yet another disaster was about to befall them. He knew that meteors were going to strike, that the ground was going to open up and engulf them, that the world would end in fire and ice, because Gerry was so happy it clenched his heart. He was so happy he couldn’t breathe. 

“It’ll be okay,” Agnes said into his shoulder, “we’ll never have to deal with Jonathan Sims again. I promise.”

****

It was not a promise Agnes kept. 

They ran into him again. And again. And again. Eventually, after meeting a monstrous golem of fear and suffering that induced paralyzing fear so frequently, said simulacrum of human experience became slightly tiresome. And you realized that he was, actually, really not that bright. Or at the very least not very mature. And that his wolf sister kind of wore the pants in that relationship. That he and his wolf sister were like Agnes and Gerry, in every possible way. And that he was, weirdly, deeply kind. And that he loved, so bright and pure and fearsome that it had brought down the world. That he was capable of loving Gerry. Maybe even, given enough time, anyone. 

Many months later, as Gerry, Agnes, Jon, and Daisy sat in an ice cream shop splitting blood orange ice cream (with real blood!) and bickering endlessly about if Friends was the Flesh or the Stranger, that Gerry thought he might feel something familiar in his chest. 

Something that clenched his heart, something that made him so happy he couldn’t breathe. Something that felt like fire and ice and meteors and disaster.

Jon must have felt it. He looked at Gerry, surprised, with ice cream slowly dripping from his spoon and congealing on the table. “What’s wrong with you? Are you ill? Agnes, is he ill?”

“No,” Gerry said, wiping at his eyes. “I guess I’m happy again.”

Everybody stared at him, slightly dumbfounded. 

Daisy barked. 

“You’re quite right, Daisy,” Jon said. 

He didn’t tell them what she was right about, and Gerry never asked. He already knew. 

[thesingingrevolution]

today has not been daebak 🤙🏻

*rant*

ok so for a while now ive been trying to convince myself that id be fine not going to the bts concert today/this week (whatever), but today im realize that is definitely not the case lmao

ive been so busy this semester and tbh since i only became an army this year i only had a few weeks to truly be able to enjoy them without the crushing pressure from school and college apps.

literally the week butter dropped was the week i had almost all my ap exams. the best bangtan experience ive had was definitely when ptd was released cause i liked them enough to be seriously invested and i also had a few weeks left of vacation so i could afford to cry over the sope scene on twitter and on tiktok until 4am.

when the news dropped about the ptd on stage concerts i was quite surprised tbh, i didnt expect them to have a concert so soon (in relationship to the announcement date and just a short while after surely canceling their postponed 2020 tour) and in california of all places. but cool, genuinely happy for them

i followed the bloodbath that was ticket sales and was like "ooooh i cant put myself through that now, look at the stress im under already" and im probably not even gonna be in country then. well. its november 27th, Year of Our Lord two thousand twenty one and im sitting in nyc working on college essays i should have finished by tuesday. isnt that nice. i could have just tried hard to get tickets, finished my work early, enjoyed my thanksgiving, flown to california, seen bts, sent in my applications, finish the school year stress free, see my friend's show, spend Christmas happily and have a good time with my family cause its technically the last holiday season ill have living with them. like yea im getting ahead of myself, but thats what i feel will happen. im so unmotivated in general but especially after sending in my early college apps, i honestly think i have a good shot at most schools ive already applied to but gg. this sucks. i wish i could manage my time better. this rant went off track ugh.

the thing is, technically ive "seen" bts (someday i might talk about what i mean) but i would do anything to see them now and i feel bad cause realistically i could have gone to these concerts and its my own stupidity and disorganization that have made me upset. i feel so bad and im crying over yoongi for days now cause i have serious issues i should work on too. im literally an adult and so embarrasing. im lost, lonely, overworked and at my breaking point™️. i cant stop procrastinating even with my mom on my case. imagine when im at college and all alone? its gonna be a disaster. im genuinely concerned for myself. i love my mom but im just realizing one of the reasons i also cant see bangtan is cause im too much of a baby i am and i cant just tell her im a fan of them and have been for several months now. just cause fear of judgement or whatever. im so sick of myself. my brother makes out with his gf in our living room and i cant tell my own mom i like a boyband. wth is wrong with me.

my plan of action now is to get into college cause ive worked so hard for it, get my life together, work out my personal issues, go to a spa cause im losing my mind and need a break, tell my mom i love bts and wanna marry yoongi (my therapist knows we are working on getting over this together), use my new bank account (since im an adult *cries*) to pay for expensive tickets and go broke but at least feel happy doing it. and probably have to pay for my cousin to come with since she 1) loves concerts, 2) loves taehyung even though she knows 3 bts songs, 3) invited and PAID!!!! for me to go to harry styles with her. and i would love to have here there. like even if i told my parents its weird like my dad probably wouldnt approve of their fashion choices alone HAHSHSHSH and it would bee uncomfortable explaining some of their dance moves ~-~

but anyway. i hope to eat soon i havent eaten in eight hours. i hope to finish my essays for at least one college tonight. i hope all armys going to see bts today/this week have a gr8 time pls post pics on twitter. i feel dumb as heck for writing this instead of my essays but it feels good. im praying to get into college. stay safe and healthy, invisible audience. bless up

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

-

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

-

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

-

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

[talesoftextposts]

Exactly! Crestoria is not the only game they don't really keep tabs with. A while ago i played a saint seiya game by them and it had many many issues. If you cannot have multiple games with quality than please don't. Is bad for us and the employees, those poor people must be going crazy :c

At first I liked kasque, quite different than what I would expect from a goddess, but I ended disliking her...

I feel kinda bad for aegis just being a punching bag for jokes and Yuna just being there to look pretty, they have a lot of potential for the story. Like you said Yuna had a great point and a good reflection moment but whatever eh? Aegis too, I felt his story like a punch on the gut because I tend to be like him and the queen, but again, whatever...

I do the arena for the free stuff too! I am not competitive at all XD

hello again anon!! im going to do another readmore gksghkeg

yeah i honestly...ugh. i have just a lot of issues w bamco in general but i also Do Not want them to pay attention to me jic they tell me to stop making memes or something stupid like that— like genuinely instead of making the game more functional or adding like...idk. any story or shit that makes Sense they just added things like the transcendence board which is just. for ppl who already maxed out their ascension boards?? after like 6 months??? Y'ALL... ik for a while too the phantom tower was Waaayyy too difficult but i think they nerfed it back to normal considering i can now clear thru level 40 at least :/ but overall the game is just. geared towards ppl who drop fucktons of cash on it. if you look at the ppl in the top 3 in arena rn? you KNOW they've spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on this game. what the fuck.

also minor gripes are just...they don't add very many new units anyway, compared to like even asteria, and i get that there's effort for the whole models or w/e but...i mean if rays can do it... and i don't mean that in the rate that banners are released, bc those are...kind of annoyingly often as of late (looking @ all the crestoria cast alts) but the fact they're only for 1 or 2 charas who are Only ssrs, and it genuinely makes r and sr stones and sr charas just...obsolete and useless imo? like i genuinely have EVERY sr AND r full awakened/ascended which. is probs partly due to the drop rates being Absolute Garbage, but thank god they implemented a pity system, right? ...right? [tired sigh] i've saved enough for julius who has been in crestoria for 228 days, bamco, fucking release h—

i also want to add that i've contacted support MULTIPLE times abt issues w the game and they have legit just told me "hm sucks have u tried playing the game w all other apps closed" like yes, bamco, but that's not the problem??

SORRY for several paragraph rant abt the gameplay i just have some very strong opinions LMAO

i understand not liking kasque! tales antags...and characters in general, actually, are rather hit or miss. i personally just love evil women so im rlly in love w her GSKEHGESKHG

but as for the aegis and yuna things... YEAH. i rlly love them both and it's been extremely disappointing to see how they've been treated by the story :( like even if yuna's acting silly to cover her own feelings, it would be nice to get those scenes we get in other tales games (like...idk even the scenes in xillia like where alvin and elize sit and talk in the park, and leia talks w i think jude or milla depending on the route?) considering it's like...is penelope going to be okay? can she ever go back to her?? is she okay just crossing the sea and leaving her, even if there's really no choice??? sorry for the character introspect i just have a lot of thoughts—

aegis too, it's like. i don't mind teasing to an extent, but i really feel sometimes they go too far w it :( esp in like. events and the character episodes moreso than the main story (tho i could be remembering incorrectly) which makes me wonder if they just have different writers for each but even THEN like the main story still fails to act like yuna and aegis Exist half the time?? and JEEZ yeah i am constantly thinking abt aegis and queen rebecca, esp imo it's just a very... well first of all, that has to be Traumatizing As Hell but second of all i strongly headcanon he was unable to say it bc he didn't mean it and also i have a headcanon that the whole event has kept him from ever saying the words "i love you" ever again so that's that on THAT. (these are my headcanons pls don't send me hate over them they're not canon i promise—)

and honestly same!! i used to be sss rank and then i stopped caring abt arena for a bit and dropped a couple ranks...oops. i'm currently s-5 and had to FIGHT to keep myself there this season. it's not that i rlly care abt winning or being high ranking. or first, even, i just want the prizes from being at a certain rank/placing tbh. which is why.....................................oh im so tired of the ppl with lvl 120 fully awakened new ass units like i GET IT you have MONEY but i am not spending that much on a mobile game!!

ANYWAY thank u for coming to my ted talk omfg im so sorry this is so long (again)