#ugly side of mental illness

[i-am-very-mentally-ill]

Why should I want him back into my life when he so thoroughly ruined it?

Why should I be the one to make peace? Why forgive him of the consequences of his actions?

Am I not allowed to be angry? Am I vindictive when I say I do not want him in my life?

Am I not allowed to choose myself for once? Is it wrong of me to finally put my needs before others wants?

[inkskinned]

today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.

when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.

i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.

[bothsidesofaquestion]

Kurt: shows a different emotion than 'happy happy bouncy swash swashbuck hello chicks it's me' in the comics

Fans: Oh no, this is so OOC OH NO THE WRITERS SUCK OH NO MARBLE IS RUINING THE CHARACTER

Meanwhile, Kurt's mind:

[littlefankingdom]

Character: *Is clearly suffering from depression*

Me: I'm sure the fandom doesn't make fun of it or vilify it, portraying depressed folks as toxic to be around... (/sarcasm, they fucking do everytime)

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

Ooh if you're still taking prompts I'm submitting one for Parkner (can't wait for the last chapter of a peach like you btw!) I liked the idea of a combo of #8 and #46 or just #28 because werewolves!

Heeelllloooooo dear darling anon. Do you remember me? Do you still read parkner? You sent this prompt in April of 2022 and Congratulations!! I'm finally filling it over a year later 😬 sorryyy

These prompts are from this prompt list. I was tempted by 28.) werewolf au. both of them are werewolves, which was surprising bc I've been exhausted on werewolves (and vampires) for a while now, but I thought it would be fun if it was human Ned's POV scrambling to keep Peter's big hairy secret from their new roommate, Harley, that they found on craiglist, only to come home one day after months of scrambling to cover claw marks and sweep up tufts of fur to find not one but two werewolves sacked out on the couch, one blond and one brunet, and realize he'd been cleaning up after both of them and they need to have a serious conversation once they're all on two legs again.

BUT I decided not to go that route because a combo of 8 and 46 was just too alluring.

8.) every single kiss so far has been a disaster but it’s really funny + 46.) don’t have a one night stand with your coworker on the spaceship

Is your memory refreshed dear anon? Is this at all familiar? Regardless! I wrote the thing and per the norm I took it too far so here's a snippet of the beginning and a link to ao3 where you can read the other 8k assuming you still read parkner 🫠

adventures with hair dye and feelings — In Space!

or 5 times Harley and Peter don’t kiss + 1 time they do (in space!)

A light breeze stirs the early morning fog that crowds the Avengers compound and whites out the world to none but their research team of four. Tony, their self-appointed leader, clears his throat and looks down his nose at them. Since he’s the shortest this is only possible thanks to the incline of the spaceship’s docking ramp and his position at the head of it.

He pitches his voice to carry. “Before we embark on this scientific expedition I’m going to lay down some very strict rules.”

On Peter’s right, Bruce shifts and huffs impatiently.

“Hey, this is serious, Jolly Green. Listen up.” Tony holds up five fingers. “Rule number five, anybody that messes with my music gets thrown out the airlock, no exceptions.”

On Peter’s left, Harley snorts.

“Yeah, I’m talking to you, Johnny Cash. Mitts off or you’re as good as freeze dried and vacuum sealed. Rule number four, no fragrances. That means no body spray, no candles, and no air fresheners. If I catch so much as a whiff of an artificial scent, I’ll make the owner eat it. Rule number three…”

He begins to pace across the width of the ramp.

“No sticky business. Sorry kid but we’re not chancing a heart attack in space because you get the itch to pace the ceiling and scare poor Brucie into thinking he's in Alien. Which brings us to rule number two, don’t set off the green rage monster.”

“Tony—,”

“That one’s for me,” he says over Bruce. “I can be fair and include myself in the rules.” He stops pacing and looms over them. “The last rule is the most important so I need your undivided attention. Are you listening?”

He looks unmistakably from Peter to Harley then back to Peter. Peter nods.

“Get on with it, old man.” Harley shifts his one allotted bag higher on his shoulder. “Some of us would like to breach atmo before the heat death of the universe.”

Tony eyeballs him but doesn’t rise to his bait like he usually does. His gaze shifts and Peter finds himself drawing up to his full height under his unlaughing stare.

“Rule number one, do not have a one-night stand with your coworker on the spaceship.”

A sliver of Peter’s soul slaws off and dies.

Keep reading on ao3

[bongjuiceconcentrate]

.

[thotfrnk]

this is another moment ppl use to say jc is this horrible horrible person... but like he was consumed with grief? he was literally 17 years old and lost everything? was he wrong to blame w.wx? yes. but this is genuine and raw grief, he probably doesn't even mean half the things he's saying lskddkfjdjcjxjxnxnxjdjx

[ziracona]

The Darkness really is the best song in the show.

[adolfusraptor1985]

This is a post for nonhumans, alterhumans, otherkin, therians, etc. Please read.

A list of shout outs to people who experiences things that are often looked down upon by the community.

Shout out to those with violent urges

Shout out to those who actually hunt/want to

Shout out to those with delusions or other mental illnesses

Shout out to those who want to attack something/someone

Shout out to those who feel more comfortable nude

Shout out to those who want to live in the wild

Shout out to those with kinks/fetishes related to their identity

Shout out to those who want to live/be treated like an animal

Shout out to those with "ugly", "gross", or "nasty" 'types

Shout out to those who want to sh because of their identity

Shout out to those who want raw meat

Shout out to those who like gore

Shout out to any "negative" experiences I've missed

Shout out to those who feel guilty for some/all these things

Shout out to those who don't.

Being alterhuman, nonhuman, etc. isn't just identifying as a cute little creature. When your identity leaves you often outcast by society, it can carry some pretty dark and/or negative traits. It's simply our nature as alter-beings, and we should learn to except ourselves and others for having these experiences.

I understand some of you may be triggered by dark, gorey, or generally morbid things, but that doesn't mean you should look down on or discriminate against those who deal with those experiences. There is a dark side to being alterhuman. Always has been.

My message here is that no matter how gross, violent, or otherwise your experiences may be, you are still loved and valid. Imbrace being a monster if that's what you'd like. As long as you're not hurting anyone you shouldn't hide from these feelings.

[i-am-very-mentally-ill]

I think I am doing something that could be classified as a type of self-harm...

So! I have a problem of reading R@pe fanfiction, and I know it's a problem, and I know it's not good for me, and here's the part where I think it's a type of self harm, I always feel very shaky and guilty afterwards, and I can tell it's making me go in a downwards spiral every time I read them, and it's actively making my mental health worse

But for some reason, all of that goes out the window when I feel the need to read these fics. Speaking of feeling the need, I usually only read these when something reminds me of my sexual trauma

So yeah! Uh, be nice to yourself, talk to a trusted adult, and stay alive!

[lordsukunas]

the thorn in your side.

synop: nobleman!gojo being annoying asf, but he’s also kinda cute?

tags: fem!reader, royal au, gojo is a nobleman, reader is crown princess, reader is a lil mean to him but it’s really just playful banter, slight suggestiveness..? and by slight i mean very slight. not historically accurate (don’t jump me)

note: dk where this came from. prob all of the historical manhwas thats been on my fyp but wtv. uhh this is lowk fun tho, might make more of this if i have motivation!

“princess! i got a favor to ask.”

“ohhhh, princess!”

“hey, princess?”

your eye twitches in irritation. how many questions can one nobleman have in one day? you’ve answered each one with the dignity and grace expected of a future queen, but there’s only so much of that dignity and grace one can have.

you look up from your book, bright cerulean eyes staring down at you. “yes, lord gojo?”

his grin widens, and you have to resist the urge to slap it smooth off of his face. “do you know where i can find those little cookies? y’know, the ones you had at the banquet last week?”

... seriously?! he’s asking you about macaroons?!

“i believe you’re consulting the wrong person about that. perhaps you should ask the head chef.” your voice is strained, as if answering satoru’s questions for the umpteenth time today is making you physically ill.

satoru sighs and leans back in his chair, one long leg crossed over the other. “yeaaah, but i wanna ask you. since you’re the princess n’ all. unless...”

he tips his chair closer to yours, and his warm breath ghosts across the conch of your ear. tingles dance down your spine and heat creeps up the back of your neck. does he have regard for personal space?

“perhaps our kingdom’s queen-to-be is too dumb to know where macaroons come from?”

you should just ignore him. satoru’s entire purpose, it seems, is to just get on your nerves and force you to lose your well-maintained composure. you know this. and yet...

“i am not dumb, satoru. it is you who’s the idiot, considering you cannot seem to use basic logic to realize their origin,” you snap, words coming out in a hot, angry rush.

you are sick of him testing your patience, sick of his silly little grin and glossy pink lips, and stupid, ugly eyes that always seem to have a twinkle of mischief in them. how dare he speak to you that way? he’s only a nobleman, and you could easily strip him of that title.

a soft chuckle from satoru interrupts your mental tirade. what is he laughing for? is he laughing at you?

“what’s so funny.” you fold your arms over your chest, your brows knitted together.

“oh, nothing. it’s just...” he laughs again. it’s a soft, light sound, quite unlike the usual hearty and loud giggles and barely stifled snickers. yuck. “this is the first time you’ve used my first name, princess.”

ah.

did you really?

your mind replays what you said, and, unsurprisingly, he’s right. you called him satoru, not lord gojo.

the heat now burns your cheeks, and you look away, focusing your gaze on the nearly infinite rows of books in the library. “a mistake. even i make them, but do not think that will be happening again, lord gojo.”

satoru simply hums, drumming thick fingers against the table. “ah, but my name sounds so nice coming from your lips. are you sure it won’t happen again? perhaps in a different, more intimate context?”

how hard would you have to throw a book to get him to finally shut up?

you all but shove yourself out of your seat, tucking your bookmark in between the pages. you smooth out your gown and get rid of invisible specks of dust. “that... will not be happening either. good day, lord gojo. i hope i will you in the future.”

without waiting for what would definitely be some cheeky response, you spin on your heel and exit the library, rushing down the castle’s halls.

why does satoru gojo have to be so infuriating?!

[astrow1zar6]

Astro observations-05

Venus in Aries move really fast in relationships. Which is why their relationships usually end so fast cuz they never really get to know the person fully. Slow down it’ll help.

Aquarius suns are prone to peer pressure. A lot of ppl talk about how rebellious aquas are but a lot of them try really hard to fit into friend groups and are ashamed of their quirky side. They can either be very outcasted or very popular no in between.

Lilith/asc women are usually very physically attractive but a lot believed they were ugly growing up because of how ppl (mostly women) treated them. They were very outcasted from other women a lot so they assumed it was cuz of them but really it’s jealousy

Mercury in Scorpios find it difficult to have small talk. Many ppl have told them they are too deep which is why they mostly stay silent in social situations.

A lot of Scorpio moons were bullied in childhood for their sensitivity. Scorpio moons usually were extremely emotional growing up but are usually shamed for them. They realized early on it’s not safe to show ppl your vulnerabilities which is why they have horrible trust issues☹️

Capricorn rising usually have fangs 🧛🏼

Having an aqua Venus is very difficult to have. I feel like this should be another detriment placement. They usually feel like no one is right for them partner wise. They end up falling in love with emotionally unavailable partners

Having no earth in your big three shows that stability might be difficult for you to maintain

People may idealize others with Neptune in the 10th house. If these people ever become famous your fans will put you on a pedestal almost in a worshipping kind of way ( ex; Jesus Christ had this placement)

Taurus suns and cancer suns are usually in really long lasting relationships (especially with eachother)

Saturn in the 9th house show’s religious trauma or having someone push their religious beliefs on you. Can be a big atheist/agnostic placement.

Lilith in the 4th house can be single moms or was raised by a single mother

Having a Pisces moon could mean you could’ve had a mother who struggles from mental illness or was an addict. There was a period in your life where ur mom probably wasn’t in the picture even if she was physically there

If you have Aries I’m your big three you probably really love spicy food

[girlfromthecrypt]

Note: This is merely a pitch introduction post. My main project remains Such Happy Campers. I have no title in mind for this IF (suggestions are welcome), although I am very passionate about the idea and will work on it on the side while I write SHC.

You are... or were one of the most famous yet mysterious characters in the 21st century pop-rock scene. 

It all started when you discovered your love for singing during an extended stay at a psychiatric hospital as a teen. Music became your motivator, and from then on, you knew the stage was where you belonged. Your friends agreed… and that is how your band came to be. After years of practice in your friend’s mother’s garage and cheap gigs at dingy bars, your journey to the top begins abruptly when you team up with a skilled manager.

It's a meteoric rise— until it isn’t. 

And now, a decade after your band has withdrawn from the public eye, you’ve accepted an interview by the acclaimed Groove Magazine. You and your former band members have agreed to give them the truth, the whole truth; as ugly as that might be. 

Follow the story of your band’s rise to fame (and eventual fall from grace)

Play as a pop-rock vocalist

Name your band and customize your music, lyrics and image

Handle the media, interactions with pushy fans and your own repressed thoughts and fears 

Romance your coolgirl-bassist, the childhood friend you cut out of your life, your absolutely insane guitarist, or your biggest fan/stalker

Give one hell of an interview

Inspiration: Daisy Jones and The Six, Fleetwood Mac

TW: themes of mental illness, substance abuse, death, mentions of suicide, suicidal ideation and self-harm, unhealthy relationship dynamics

ROs:

Stevie McLaughlin, bassist (f) — “I suppose I was the sanest one in that bunch.”

She’s one of your oldest friends, and if you follow the clanking chain of cause and effect all the way back to the beginning, it is her you have to thank for your entire career. The band was her idea, after all. She’s level-headed, composed, and always there to talk you down when you need her. Sometimes, she acts more as your retainer than anything else…

Paul/Paulette Zima, lead singer & saxophonist (f/m selectable, trans) — “Trying to figure out where you know me from?”

Your band’s brand-new, second lead singer. Your manager says they’re going to give your music the kick it needs, that they’re the one missing ingredient to your success. You’re not entirely sure if you agree. Worse yet, you happen to know this person, and your time together didn’t end on a favorable note. They’re part of a past you would much rather forget. 

Angel Monsanto, guitarist (m) — “I was always going to make it big, with or without those guys. Only, I… I really wanted it to be with them.”

Your crazy but good-hearted guitarist. His passion for music borders on obsession, and he will stop at nothing to make a name for your band. Sadly, he’s very much of the conviction that all publicity is good publicity, which has encouraged him to pull some very questionable stunts in the past. 

Lincoln Saunders, groupie?? (f/m selectable) — “What can I say, I loved them. When they first walked out onto that stage, it felt like my heart was going to explode.”

Calling Lincoln a fan would be an understatement. Fanatic is more like it. You remember seeing them at your very first show, and you’ve continued to spot them at every venue you’ve played at since. You don’t know anything about them, and perhaps changing that would be a very bad idea. But maybe you still want to.

Others:

Fatima Shah (f), drummer — “I’m pretty sure they tried to make me disappear with their fog machine.”

After things didn’t work out with your original drummer, Fatima saved the day. She’s a sweetheart to you, but from what you’ve heard, she can be kind of a terrible person. Maybe it’s best to stay a little wary of her.

Kalena Graham (f), manager — “The first time I saw them… well, they kind of sucked. But I knew, I just knew, that they had what it takes to suck on an international level.”

Your band’s manager. You can’t believe how lucky you were to have caught her attention. She’s experienced, driven, well-regarded in the industry and… kind of mean.

Simon Young (m), reporter — “Start at the beginning. And then, don’t stop.”

The guy conducting the interview for Groove Magazine. He’s nice enough, if a little starstruck. It seems he has been waiting a long time for this.

[dividers by @thecutestgrotto]

Please consider reblogging if you like my work!

[joesalw]

As someone who’s been on both sides of a relationship impacted by depression as the girl who’s unwell and the girl who’s looking after the unwell partner…being partners with someone in the midst of clinical depression is HARD. Social media and ‘it’s ok not to be ok’ awareness campaigns sanitise how difficult and boring and mean-spirited and ugly mental illness can make a person. The partner (especially if it’s a woman) is given very little grace if they don’t have inhuman saint-like levels of patience when they’re basically doing unpaid care work. And sometimes the realisation dawns that you can love a person and you want to save them but you can’t save them and if you don’t get out you will drown. There are many stories and songs to be written out of being the partner in that situation about empathy and guilt and love and frustration and compassion and anger and more guilt. It would’ve been a more mature way to approach the topic if it had to be approached at all. ‘Fuck you for being too depressed to marry me’ is not the route I’d have taken.

i agree!

[punkitt-is-here]

That art you posted on twitter… i still really feel those expectations of having to be perfect or else Im the gross schlubby loser boyfriend placed on me even though my partner fucking rocks and is neither cis nor straight. It just permeates everything including queer spaces. The amount of like. Body shaming and shoving into boxes I’ve experienced from people who are nominally on my side bc they saw a Man they thought was ugly do something bad…

It feels good to see someone else TALK about something like this. I figured I was just uniquely mentally ill or something.

im glad me talking about it can be good for you!! thats kind of why ive been doing art talking about my relationships and transitioning lately, I've personally felt a lot of relief realizing how far away I am from that stress now. You're certainly not uniquely mentally ill for feeling that way; the amount of people who've related to those pieces is staggering, honestly.

[innerangeltoadlover]

IDEOLOGY : LIFE IN SCHIZOPHRENIA

1. I was inspired to write this because I believe a diagnosis of schizophrenia silences those who suffer from the illness. I wrongly believed after my sister took me to Court in an effort to make me homeless that I would never have to fight for my truth to be heard again. Poor outcomes for patients are linked to expedient treatments - ones which may ignore salient indicators of abuse in order to place mental illness as the cause of behaviour and the only valid truth. There is probably nothing more demeaning and disheartening than telling your therapist about abuse and having it received as a fairytale. My story will show the consequences of skepticism and disbelief in the treatment of schizophrenia which allows for the generalisation of experiences without differentiation. We are better than this.

Sometimes , well often, when we read a memoir there’s an assumption that the person writing has overcome some insurmountable hardship. It motivates us to think that we can do the same – and at some point we , like the author, will walk into the sunset with clarity, humour and perhaps in hand with another. These are the kinds of books I usually stop reading after the first chapter because life , and in particular my life, has not been like this. I want to write about the ugly side of mental illness and the reason why there are so many of us who exist without that longed for happy ending. For those of us who don’t crawl out of the mire our lives are not improved by the application of lipstick or the urging of those who have. Despite our travels through a social media polluted with inspiring memes and motivational scenarios real hardship is present and remains unchanged despite its synonymous pairing with choice.

So my story isn’t going to be particularly uplifting -there has been no victory here – I write because I have to – not because I want to. I’m hoping in writing that I might gain some internal peace over the war my mind wages with me, particularly at night when the lack of distraction makes sleep elusive. I think publishing is a bit of a minefield for people like me. I’m wary of writing anything that resembles some clueless manifesto but at the same time I think it’s important for people with this illness to write something real that isn’t Instagramable and also at nearly 60 I’ve come to view my illness as a valid part of my individuality and I wish to defend it rather than have this unique part of me trampled into submission by doctors who view me like a bacteria in a Petri dish. The truth is this illness is crap but the treatment is crappier and you are trapped in it , well I have been anyway. However the older I get the more I’ve realised that much of the prejudice and stigma linked to this illness has much of its origins in treatment. I used to have a social conscience and was concerned about the plight of my fellow sufferers but it has been chipped away. When my Shrink tells me of advances in care it sort of hangs in the air like a fog in a windowless room. These days I say very little when these professionals say this nonsense which I’ve heard so many times– I’m nearly old but I was young once and I wasn’t born in the Dark Ages- I was hopeful , though that hope has disintegrated. The old mantra “you can’t reason with a schizophrenic” is alive and well in most psychiatrists offices however it is often only the benefit of hindsight that allows us to see the stark relief against the empty rhetoric. It also painfully exhibits that in my case my treatment was inhibited by doctors who could not tell fact from fiction and who had ultimately decided that some lives are worth more than others.