#unwarranted optimism

[someawesomeamvs]

Warning: Spoilers, violence, flashing lights

Title: Unwarranted Optimism

Editor: Honou Productions

Song: When I Am Older

Artist: Josh Gad

Anime: Neon Genesis Evangelion, End of Evangelion

Category: Comedy

Awards: RICE 2021 - Sh*ts Rough Award Kumoricon 2021 - Best Guilty Pleasure Anime Los Angeles 2022 - Best Comedy/Humor Anime Los Angeles 2022 - Audience Choice

[spitblaze]

everyone has their stupid awful cringe mainstream thing they love so so much and mine is pokemon and i will not be taking criticism on the fact that i do in fact think gen 9 is going to be very fun and i will play it a lot

[nothingiswrongwithyourarmrests]

Sth I've heard and read a few times now about "medical ai" (which should be called advanced pattern recognition machines) is that one day soon one of them may recognize early signs of illness that are too small for a human to see.

Now take two seconds to think about how bonkers this statement is.

If a human doctor can't recognize a sign of illness at all, how can we be sure that an ai is accurate? If we are training a pattern recognition machine to search for something that we ourselves couldn't recognise definitively without a biopsy how can we ever know we are training them correctly? The biggest risk factor for getting sick is being alive and some things can not be predicted accurately and so very much shouldn't be predicted as a yes/no output. Why would you fucking set a cutoff instead of having your programme give out likelihoods from their pattern recognition database? The human brain is the best pattern recognition machine we have and no amount of pattern recognition machines will replace having to train good medical professionals. I am despairing at the tech idealists who are not remotely thinking through the ethical implications of what it would take to truly develop a skilled pattern recognition machine.

[novlr]

I've read your post on manipulative characters, and it helped a lot! Could you explain how to write manipulated characters?

Creating a character who is under the influence or control of another is a challenging feat for any writer. To effectively portray this dynamic, it’s crucial to understand the manipulator’s goals and the methods they use to exert their influence. Let’s explore how a character’s dynamics might change when they are being manipulated.

Behaviour

Behave inconsistently with the decisions they would usually make.

Second-guess themselves or hesitate before acting.

Gradually change their behaviours to align more with the manipulator’s interests.

Show confusion or self-doubt.

Rationalise or defend the manipulator’s actions even when they are harmful.

Suppress their true desires to please the manipulator.

A declining interest in hobbies or activities that they once loved.

Signs of stress or anxiety, especially when the character is around the manipulator.

Increasingly isolating from their support network.

Making excuses for the manipulator’s behaviour to others.

Interactions

Unequal power dynamics, with the manipulator often interrupting or speaking over them.

A lack of reciprocal communication – the manipulator talks, the character listens.

Physical touch that seems controlling or guiding rather than comforting.

They are asked to keep secrets or lie on behalf of the manipulator.

Receive subtle threats or backhanded compliments from the manipulator.

Show an obligation to tend to the manipulator’s needs.

Are willing to compromise their morals under manipulative influence.

The manipulator may use personal information against them to keep them in line.

Have other characters note changes or express concern about their changed behaviour.

Have moments of realisation or clarity that are quickly squashed by the manipulator.

Body language

Closed off, with crossed arms or averted gaze.

Physical withdrawal or flinching.

Display nervous habits, like nail-biting, or fidgeting.

Make themselves smaller or trying to go unnoticed.

Have trouble maintaining eye contact.

Forced smiles or laughter to mask their true feelings.

Physical tension that doesn’t ease, even in supposedly relaxing environments.

Mimicking the manipulator’s body language subconsciously.

Physical exhaustion due to emotional strain.

Contrast in how they act around the manipulator versus others.

Attitude

A gradual erosion of the character’s optimism or hope.

Displays unwarranted hostility towards others.

Is overly apologetic, especially for things not their fault.

A shift from self-assuredness to self-deprecation over time.

A sense of helplessness that they struggle to overcome.

A fatalistic or defeatist outlook on their future.

A growing reluctance to make decisions independently.

Show internal conflict between their beliefs and the influence of the manipulator.

Repetition of the manipulator’s opinions as if they were their own.

A lost sense of identity through a disinterested or detached demeanor.

Positive story outcomes

An eventual recognition of manipulation as a moment of empowerment.

A journey towards reclaiming agency and self-worth.

Forming new, healthy relationships that contrast with the manipulator’s treatment.

Using their experience with manipulation to help others in similar situations.

The development of stronger personal boundaries and assertiveness.

Creative or professional achievements as they break free from manipulation.

Gaining insight and wisdom from their experiences.

Finding support systems that validate and uplift them.

A renewed sense of hope and direction in life post-manipulation.

Finds resilience and new strengths.

Negative story outcomes

Continued struggles with self-esteem and trust issues.

Setbacks and challenges in the aftermath of manipulation.

Potential for downward spirals as a result of the manipulative relationship.

A lasting impact of manipulation on the character’s relationships with others.

A psychological toll, such as anxiety or depression, that may linger.

Becomes wary of future relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Inadvertently emulates manipulative behaviours learned from the manipulator.

Might sabotage their own success due to ingrained beliefs planted by the manipulator.

Struggling to regain autonomy and make independent choices.

Increased tendency to isolate themselves to avoid being hurt again.

Helpful vocabulary

Coercion

Gaslighting

Subjugation

Compliance

Devious

Subtle

Undermine

Exploit

Domineering

Manipulate

Discredit

Influence

Contrived

Obedience

Suppression

Dependency

Guilt-trip

Intimidation

Passive-aggressive

Psychological warfare

[naurimastaur]

Lovesick

TW: Aesthetic photo

Pairing: Fred Weasley x fem!reader

Summary: Fred comforts you while you’re sick, well at least he tries to.

Me? Writing fluff??? (I had a head cold & was delirious writing half of this)

———————————————————————

The morning birds hovering over diagon alley chirped in a harmonious melody of optimism and grace. Their song unfortunately becoming intwined in the sound of Y/N’s unwarranted retching.

“Good morning, darling,” Fred stretched, briefly regarding his partner’s state.

Her extremely curved spine and bent neck created a naturally alluring sight (to the blind).

Fred cringed at the mess she’d amassed on the floorboards below, patting her back rather discouragingly before prioritising his own comfort.

“Are you not going to work?” Y/n prodded, grabbing her wand and whispering a quick ‘scourgify’.

“No, I’m perfectly content watching you create your own moat around our bed,” he retorted, nestling against the outline of his dense head on his pillow.

“And I suppose, you’re incapable of looking after yourself,” he quickly added, after feeling her burning forehead, faking a ‘sizzle’ sound as he pressed his fingertips onto the mattress below.

“What if you get sick?” She muttered in return, eyes half closed. The tempting comfort of sleep soothing her ill state.

“What if you get sick?” He mocked, holding his nose shut in an impression of her ill voice. Being a lab rat to his own products, he had unintentionally built a form of immunity to illness.

Her weary eyes regarded him with faint amusement.

“Besides, cant get sick with all this muscle,” he bragged, flexing his arms in an embarrassing display of a masculine ego.

“Merlin, you’re worse than my headache,” she groaned, swatting his face away from hers.

“Hypochondriac,” he replied, brushing stray strands of hair away from her face.

“Ginger,” she said simply, burrowing her head into the crook of his neck.

He held her feverish body close to his, tucking her worries into the safety of his embrace. Admirably, he swallowed his horror each time her red, irritated nose scrunched with a sniffle. Usually it was partnered with a leaking fluid, grazing his woollen jumper.

Sometime later Fred awoke with a sneeze, eyes swollen and inflamed.

“Fuck,” he said.

“Indeed.”

———————————————————————

[bomberqueen17]

*vibrating slightly in place*

So ok. When I was in kindergarten, my classroom was arranged so that four desks were linked together, so we were in little groups. I used to regularly vibrate my desk and the three it was attached to, with three other children in them, across several feet of floor space, until the linked desks ran into the teacher's desk, which was larger and did not move with the force of my vibrations. I was a good student, but hard to control, and markedly uneven in my ability to like. Do anything. "Well," my mom said once, upon beholding my entire spectrum of a report card, "we'd just hate to be bored."

When I graduated with my bachelor's degree, seventeen years later, my mom said "I never thought you could do it," and when I, shocked, said "what?" she said "well what with your ADHD and all," and I said "my what?" and she said "well, i never wanted to shake your confidence, and I thought once they put a label on you it'd be over, but you super have like, turbo ADHD. Why, what do you think your deal is?" She said it nicely and not in those words at all, but it was the first time I'd ever really realized that I wasn't just mildly eccentric, I did seem to actually have something wrong with me.

I've been trying to get a diagnosis ever since. I've never been able to. I had no health insurance at all for a huge chunk of my twenties, which put a damper on things. One doctor told me "you'd know if you had that" and when I was like "I... do" she was like "no i mean. you'd already be being treated." Which shows a wild and totally unwarranted optimism in our medical system, but she was a resident. The doctor overseeing her care of me suggested I try taking fish oil capsules. To "rebuild my brain tissue".

I did. It didn't help. I still buy them but mostly I use them now to get my cat to take pills.

Eventually in my 30s my doctors started sort of believing me maybe, or at least realizing they couldn't really brush me off (I have gotten... less easily-cowed as I've aged) but they were all like "oh, I can't evaluate that. You'll have to research and find a place that can do a neuropsych eval for you. Insurance doesn't cover those. So good luck. Have some antidepressants in the meantime."

I slid into my 40s, still undiagnosed. I read as many self-help books on the topic as I could find, did all the checklists I found. They all said "girl you super have like turbo ADHD." I tried meditation. I tried divination. I tried bullet journaling, which was hilarious. I tried yoga.

I actually damaged myself doing yoga and am banned from yoga, but at least I'm in physical therapy now. (Word to the wise: if you have really really flexible hip joints, don't fucking do yoga. "Usually I don't have to tell people not to get into that position," said my bemused physical therapist. "Oh," I said, blissfully bepretzeled. "It feels super good." "Mm," she said, "you've torn your labrum. Stop doing that." Now I do really, really boring stretches that don't feel nearly as good, but I also can walk without limping, so. Like. We take the good with the bad I guess.)

Anyway. My PCP in January was like "wait you didn't follow my super vague directions to go see 'the guys downstairs' and see if they can squeeze you into their eleven-month waiting period to get an evaluation that i cannot mention without saying it's several thousand dollars and your insurance surely won't cover it? you must not want this diagnosis very badly!" (At no point has anyone ever given me a phone number for 'the guys downstairs'. I still don't know what she meant by any of those directions. This PCP and I technically speak the same language but I've never understood a single thing she has told me and I don't think she understands a word I say in return, everything I tell her seems to be such a shock to her. You blame antidepressants for your weight gain? I've never heard of that. Ma'am please look up what the incredibly common side effects of antidepressants are.)

I called around but noplace both took my insurance and was accepting new patients. Finally I gave up. Then my Dude went on our insurance company's website and took over the search. He found that there's some kind of concierge service thing, which the insurance company normally charges $450/mo for but our plan includes it, because it's pretty well-hidden on the website and most people aren't ever going to find it anyway. So he said, you know what, I am going to instigate a query on this.

They took two weeks but eventually came back with a list of 13 places, most of them not remotely local. Ten of them were red X's, disqualified for varying reasons-- one because the phone number didn't work, another because it's a seven-hour drive away and doesn't do telehealth. One was in New Jersey. None of them were the local places I had already called.

Two of them were valid, but the insurance wouldn't cover the evaluation for various reasons.

One of them was fully covered, the insurance company said. So I went there.

Their website said "no you're not we can't see you". But Dude was like, call them on the phone. Surely, surely, the concierge service couldn't have lied??? Bet, I said, and called them and left a message, and said to him, if they call me back I will eat a hat.

But they did. They called me back. "Our insurance checker widget is down," they said. "But we do take your insurance! We can see you. We just don't know how much it will cost."

Ominous.

But. They could see me later in the week, via a telehealth appointment.

So I signed up.

The appointment was this morning. I turned up. Their insurance checker thingy still wasn't working so they couldn't be sure how much the appointment would cost me. I at this point don't care, and gave them my HSA credit card, and said do what you will.

I waited 45 minutes and then texted the number they'd texted me from with the confirmation, and a moment later the guy showed up. "Whoops," he said, "that system isn't working quite right either!"

He talked to me for like. Three minutes, and was like "yeah that sounds. Pretty textbook. I'm going to prescribe you stimulants." He then proceeded to take a very basic medical history, and I recognized all the questions because I have researched stimulant medication for ADHD so much. And he was like "We're going to start with Adderall, check at your pharmacy in like an hour." And then he gave me extremely useful and detailed instructions on how to take it, when to take it, what side effects to worry about, what to expect, what to note down in case it might mean a problem, and how to be safe about it. (He asked me three times if I'd ever been suicidal, and it had also been in the online pre-screening. I am aware that can be a rare but very serious side effect of stimulants!)

And then I went to Rite-Aid and I now have 16 pills in my possession, and i am going to wait until tomorrow morning to start taking them, and I am already scheduled for my follow-up in 15 days.

I have absolutely no idea how much any of that is going to cost, but for the record the pills were eleven dollars.

So. I don't know why the last decade of my life has been spent being told that a comprehensive and unattainably expensive neuropsychological evaluation was my only option. Maybe this place is a disreputable pill mill or whatever. But. I am going to get to try to medicate this disorder that has warped my entire life to this point, and I am going to try to see if I can't have some more control over my life, and if it doesn't work then at least I will know, instead of on my deathbed being like "i wonder if i'd ever tried amphetamines maybe I'd have been able to finish a project ever in my life, guess we'll never know".

Which was what I was starting to genuinely think was going to happen.

Literally though why can't a primary care doctor just refer you to a psychiatrist who can then decide whether you need an assessment or whether your condition is likely to respond well to a basic diagnosis?? I get needing the whole nine yards if you're not sure what's wrong with this kid and you don't want to give them the wrong thing-- like I know misdiagnosing a bipolar sufferer with depression can give you really bad outcomes, for example-- but-- I don't know? I don't know.

I just want to be able to start and finish projects. What I'd really love is to be able to make to-do lists meaningfully, as that is an ability I did used to have and now absolutely don't. I legit cannot make a to-do list in any meaningful or useful way.

So we'll see. I'm going to keep a journal and the real test of whether the pills work is to see whether I can actually keep the journal.

But I need to find some kind of edible hat, at some point, just to keep my word.

[max1461]

About your recent post comparing racists, terfs, and hard right zionists.

There is certainly a lot of racial hatred, oppression, and unwarranted murder of civilians going on in the Israel-Gaza conflict right now. I'm not really here to speak up in favor of Israel, I think they're committing atrocities.

But at the same time I don't think the atrocities are really the same as if some group called for the death of all trans people and started following through, I'm not convinced they're committing genocide specifically. (Some hard right zionists certainly want that, but I'm not convinced the Israeli military as a whole is engaged in genocide).

My question is, what was Israel to do in response to the October attacks and kidnappings? Obviously mass murder of civilians is the wrong answer. But I feel like many people are also unwilling to admit that Israel did need to act somehow in self defense, and their fault is largely that their war has a far greater proportion of civilian casualties than we accept for a modern war. Hamas has in the past openly called for the death of all Jews, something which I never see grapples with among leftist takes on the matter.

(Sorry if I'm also missing the point of your post.. I probably sort of am, but, I just agree with the brunt of your post and wanted to tangent off of it)

No, you're not missing the point I don't think.

I agree that it's reasonable for Israel to do something in response to the Oct. 7 attack, just like, say, it was reasonable for the US to do something in response to 9/11. I am not a counterterrorism expert so it would be hard for me to comment on what the optimal response would have been. But as I human being I can confidently say that (in the case of 9/11) "start two forever-wars, kill half a million to a million people, and destabilize the politics of the entire Middle East" quite squarely was not it. Guantanamo Bay was not it. And similarly regarding Oct. 7, I can say that "bomb a densely populated civilian area indiscriminately, kill 30,000 people and displace and injure many more" is not it. Sde Teiman is not it. To call Israel's response disproportionate and utterly inhumane would be an understatement, whether it is intended to be a genocide or not. I don't think there is much point in dwelling on the counterfactual in which they had responded in some reasonable way to protect Israeli lives.

I would also like to point that Israel is an apartheid regime, whose founders in living memory settled in Palestine, violently displaced thousands of Palestinians from their homes (and continue to do so via illegal settlements), and placed the Palestinians under what is essentially martial law. In light of this, it's pretty clear why people might feel that Israel would be per se unjustified in self defense against the Oct. 7 attack—in the same way that if a burglar breaks into your home, and you start to hit him with a baseball bat, and then he shoots you in "self defense", many courts would rule in your favor. The burglar was in your home burglarizing you; it's you who acted in self defense.

Now, with regards to the Oct. 7 attack, I do not buy this line of reasoning. Hamas attacked civilians, and (as you mention) has called for further civilian death, I believe that attacks on civilians are always unjustified. Had they only targeted the Israeli military I would be much more inclined to buy this self defense narrative. The ultimate path towards peace in Israel/Palestine is certainly not clear to me. But, again, in light of the current situation it is not especially relevant: Israel's case for acting in self defense is weaker and their violence is more extreme. Everything else is secondary until the present killing stops.

[agoldengalaxy]

Good Morning

read on Ao3

words: 1416

Echo glanced down, flipping open the top of the pouch. “I’m sorry it took so long.” Reaching inside, he pulled out a sleek mechanical hand, painted metallic black. He held it in his real hand, gesturing to his scomp link with a slight grin. “You sure you didn’t want one like this? I’m tellin’ you, it works a lot better.” Crosshair cracked a smile. “I don’t need something like that. I’m retired.”

--

The ocean, glistening with the golden pink sunrise, looked almost like a still picture. There was barely a ripple on the water, perhaps all of the creatures within it still asleep. The air could rival its stillness, not even a breeze to ruffle the nearby trees on the beach. It was going to be a hot day.

Crosshair breathed in the salty air, closing his eyes, enjoying this brief moment of quiet. He’d come to enjoy living on Pabu more than he thought he would, despite all the people, despite all the noise. He couldn’t deny that it was peaceful here, but the highlight of it all were his brothers and sister, safe, happy, living their lives. It almost seemed too good to be true, but they’d been here for about a month, and it had only ever been nice.

“Figured I’d find you here.” 

Thankfully, although the voice startled him, Crosshair managed not to jump, reaching up to take the toothpick from his mouth between two fingers as he turned over his shoulder. “When’d you get back?”

Echo stood a few feet away, his shoulders a little more relaxed than he remembered. “About ten minutes ago,” he chuckled softly, slowly walking toward the rock that Crosshair was sitting on. “Rex and Emerie say hello.”

He seemed to be waiting, so Crosshair gestured to the space beside him on the rock. Echo carefully perched himself up next to him, their shoulders mere inches apart. He wore a pouch on his hip. Crosshair knew what was in it, but didn’t ask, waiting for him to bring it up first.

“I am…glad to see you,” Crosshair admitted quietly, which might have surprised Echo a long time ago, but now, the man simply smiled.

“I’m happy to see you, too.” The response came so easily, it almost made Crosshair dizzy. It didn’t matter how long it was, he thought, it would still feel strange to have people care about him so much.

For a moment, they both looked out at the sunrise, enjoying the colors that danced along the water’s surface. Pabu was almost impossibly beautiful. Crosshair didn’t think the galaxy had this kind of beauty to offer. Kamino had been home, but it was a rainy mess. All of the planets he visited while with the Empire were cold, or dark, or both. On Pabu, the sun always shone, the air was always warm, the smell of salt always carried with it.

Echo glanced down, flipping open the top of the pouch. “I’m sorry it took so long.” Reaching inside, he pulled out a sleek mechanical hand, painted metallic black. He held it in his real hand, gesturing to his scomp link with a slight grin. “You sure you didn’t want one like this? I’m tellin’ you, it works a lot better.”

Crosshair cracked a smile. “I don’t need something like that. I’m retired.”

Letting out a small chuckle, Echo gestured to Crosshair’s arm, which he lifted up slowly. “Good point.” 

Very gently, gentler than anyone had ever touched him before, Echo began attaching the hand to Crosshair’s wrist, his brow furrowing slightly with concentration. His scomp link twisted it into place with ease, as if he’d done it before. Maybe he had, for someone else.

He hadn’t ever been close with Echo, not even before the Republic fell, but he’d always admired him. He’d hated regs for their frustrating world view, unwarranted optimism, and blatant jealousy and mistreatment of his squad. Echo wasn’t any of those things. He was practical, and kind, and more resilient than anyone else. He was good. He was what Crosshair wished he could be.

“There. Good as new.” Echo leaned back, and Crosshair glanced down at his new hand, sparkling in the growing sunlight. Tentatively, he tried to flex his fingers, and much to his surprise, it worked. Echo grinned at the expression on his face, no doubt one of disbelief. “I told you my guy was good. How’s it feel?”

Curling his new fingers into a fist, he then slowly let it all relax. As he took a deep breath and lifted it, he watched as it stayed perfectly still, the tremors finally gone. Along with his hand, his connection to Tantiss was severed. This new hand was symbolic of a new journey he was taking with his brothers and sister. He let himself smile.

“It feels…good,” he admitted honestly, letting it rest on his knee. “Thank you, Echo.”

Echo smiled again, placing a hand on Crosshair’s shoulder. “No problem.”

They sat together for a few seconds, the sun now almost fully above the horizon, no longer faintly pink but blazing gold. Crosshair glanced over at his brother, hesitating before asking, “Are you leaving soon?”

Seemingly surprised by the question, Echo blinked, then grinned. “Actually, I thought I might stay for a few days.” His brow arched upward. “Is that okay with you?”

Crosshair rolled his eyes, shoving him playfully. “No. Go away,” he drawled, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I expected you to stay for a little while. You and I both know Omega would be very upset if you didn’t say hello first.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, leaning back on his hand to look out at the sea. “I’m really happy doing what I’m doing, Crosshair. I feel like I’m finally making a difference, and this time on my own terms. But,” he said, turning back to look at him, a more genuine smile on his face now, “I can’t forget about my squad.”

In the sunlight, Echo looked like he had a lot more life in him than Crosshair could ever remember. His skin was finally starting to tan again, and short, dark hair was beginning to pop up around the top of his head. He wasn’t wearing his armor, and his clothes fit him nicely, like they weren’t too big for once. He looked happy.

Crosshair nodded. “We…think about you, all the time. You know we'll always be waiting for you, whenever you decide to retire.”

“I’m not that old yet.” Echo met his gaze, his eyes sparkling. “But…thank you.”

Before Crosshair could respond, an excited shout interrupted them. “Ah! I knew it! Echo’s back!” Both men stood up, turning around to face Omega, Wrecker, and Hunter, all with smiles on their faces. Echo knelt down as Omega ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too,” Echo chuckled, leaning back after a moment to ruffle her hair. “How’ve you been, kid?”

“Great!” she exclaimed. “I’m so glad you’re here. How long are you staying?”

“A few days, I think,” he answered, glancing up at Wrecker and Hunter, who had come a little closer, clearly enjoying the scene before them. For once, there wasn’t tension in Hunter’s shoulders. Wrecker seemed to beam even brighter than before.

Clearly pleased by the answer, Omega grinned and stepped back. Echo stood up, stepping toward the other two men. Immediately, Wrecker enveloped him in a huge hug, picking him up off of the sand, while Hunter chuckled into his hand.

Startled, Crosshair glanced down to find Omega holding his hand - the mechanical one, inspecting it closely. “Wow, Crosshair! I told you Echo would get you a good one.”

He smiled slightly. “He told me the same thing.”

“How does it feel?”

“It…will take some getting used to. I can’t feel your hand, even though I know it’s there.” He was almost surprised by his own words. 

Omega seemed to deflate, only for a second, before the smile returned, reaching over to grab his other hand. “Then I’ll hold them both!” She sounded so triumphant, he had to blink away the burning in his eyes. “And you definitely get some points for how cool it looks.”

Closing his eyes, he tried to fight a smile. “If you say so.”

She happily let go of his hands, then slung her arm around his, resting her head against his arm to watch their brothers talk. As the conversation died down, she tugged his arm, moving them closer. “Hunter, Wrecker! Look at Crosshair’s cool new hand!”

Echo made eye contact with Crosshair, who simply shrugged. “Lookin’ good!” Wrecker exclaimed, squinting down at it. “Can it do anything?”

“No, Wrecker. It can’t explode things.”

“Awww…”

Placing a hand on Crosshair’s shoulder, Hunter smiled. “It suits you.”

Crosshair returned the smile, his gaze sweeping toward Echo, then Wrecker, then Omega.

He was going to be okay.

[olderthannetfic]

Gotta love the unwarranted optimism of people who hit the subscribe button right after the final chapter has been uploaded. It's heartwarming to see someone out there wants more because or despite how the story ends

--

[legendthatexists]

Sebastian Vettel and the Mystery of Randy Mandy...

i.e. Would anyone like some utterly pointless but mildly intriguing information? Because here it is. It started with this photo and its caption sending me down a distinctly 2010-shaped rabbit hole.

↪ "ABU DHABI, UNITED ARAB EMIRATES - NOVEMBER 13: A detail view of the name 'Divine' of the car of Sebastian Vettel of Germany and Red Bull Racing team is pictured during qualifying for the Abu Dhabi Formula One Grand Prix at the Yas Marina Circuit on November 13, 2010 in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates."

Hang on... 'Divine'? The 2010 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix? But Sebastian's winning RB6 was called Randy Mandy - he even said so himself. What is happening here?

Well, as it turns out, the story goes something like this...

Heartened by the achievements of 2009, Red Bull brought their RB6 to winter testing in Spain with high hopes. Their optimism was not unwarranted. The car, equipped with chassis 01 for the tests, looked to be a promising challenger, and the team came away from the sessions satisfied and ready to get things underway at the first race of the 2010 World Championship - calendar for reference throughout.

(This is a tale of many chassis, so to avoid using the word a thousand times, I'm mostly referring to them just by number.)

Before the season began, Sebastian Vettel announced to the world that he would be continuing his tradition of naming his cars, and turned up to the first round in Bahrain to race in Luscious Liz, chassis 03. Mark Webber's sadly unnamed counterpart carried 02.

The race came and went with minimal drama for the team. But at the next round in Australia, Webber had been switched to 04, formally intended to be the spare, as it was slightly lighter.

The team continued like this, with Webber driving 04, and Vettel 03, for the next several rounds, up until the Turkish Grand Prix. Vettel had been unhappy with the car in Spain and in Monaco, and upon inspection the team discovered some hairline fractures in 03, so assigned him 02, used only once by Webber in the opening round, for the race in Turkey.

Although he dropped the habit from 2011 onwards, Vettel had previously been known to rename his car after a chassis change, doing so when one occurred after the first race of the season in 2009. Following this tradition, he quickly dubbed his updated RB6 Randy Mandy. All of this information was reported by the relevant racing media when it occurred. News articles are still easily found online.

↪ Vettel's Randy Mandy, pictured at her outing during the European Grand Prix in Valencia.

Once again, this chassis allocation remained for several rounds, until Silverstone. Here, Webber was given Vettel's used, faulty, but now patched up 03, as Webber had... somewhat damaged his 04 upon descending from the Valencian skies. A quick aside, but his Silverstone win therefore came in that 03 chassis, which Red Bull let him keep as a memento after the season was done. Ergo Mark Webber technically owns Luscious Liz?

But I digress. To recap so far: Both drivers tested 01. Vettel drove 03 up to and including Monaco, after which he received 02 due to small defects in 03. Webber ran his opening weekend in 02, switched to the lighter 04, then damaged it in Valencia and had to drive Vettel's fixed-up 03. Got it?

Chassis-tracking becomes a lot simpler after the summer break: Webber changed to the new 06 for the weekend in Japan, and Vettel to the equivalent 05 immediately after the summer break. His updated car was pictured in Spa with that intriguing new name: Divine. Although this information was available in the usual technical documents and FIA releases, the chassis changes were not covered by the media, and the new name was never mentioned, and isn't listed on Vettel's website. There are a lot of well-documented discussions about the changes that took place from online in 2010, with reference to the technical info. Still, the only confirmation of the name change is in photos, or squinting at 2010 onboard quality. And yet, there are several photos and onboards, and it's stated plain as day in the caption I quoted at the beginning...

Save for Webber using and promptly crashing 03 in Korea, the two drivers saw out their seasons with their new chassis. Meaning that Vettel, it appears, drove to Red Bull's maiden championship, and indeed to his very own, in a car christened Divine.

↪ Her nameplate was pictured in the garage at Spa. It can also be seen in this photo, on the grid just before the deciding final Grand Prix of 2010.

↪ Vettel's chassis label at Yas Marina. (Apologies for the quality - it's a photo I took of a photo in this book).

TL;DR In 2010, Sebastian Vettel not only switched chassis after Monaco, but also after Hungary. Given his then-tradition of giving each new chassis a new name and as told by photographs, he won his first championship in a car that was called Divine; not Randy Mandy as we all thought..

This is relevant to absolutely nothing and nobody in real life but I found it somewhere between slightly and mildly interesting, and thought others might too :)

photos 1 & 2 by Vladimir Rys, photo 3 by Mark Thompson. Via Getty.

[adhd-merlin]

“You don’t think there’s something wrong with her, do you?” Gwen asks Merlin, with sudden worry. She presses her cheek against Ygraine’s forehead. “She doesn’t feel warm. She's drunk her milk as normal. It’s just… the crying.” “I’m sure it’s nothing,” Merlin reassures her. He holds out his arms. “Come on. Let me have a go.” Arthur eyes him doubtfully. “It won’t work,” he says. “Worth a try, isn't it?” Merlin says, with perhaps unwarranted optimism, and wiggles his fingers at Gwen. After a moment’s hesitation, Gwen peels Ygraine off her chest, and Merlin goes to take her. He picks her up and holds her with her head cradled in the crook of his arm, so that she's looking up at him.  They all hold their breath as Ygraine's big, brown eyes set on Merlin’s face. She blinks a few times and goes still, and seems to study him for a moment. “Hello, little lady,” Merlin says, and she opens her mouth to let out a happy gurgle. “Oh, great,” Arthur says, in the misleadingly pleasant tone he sometimes adopts when feeling extremely peeved. “She hates me.” “She doesn't hate you,” Gwen says. The way she says it makes it clear that it’s a sentence she had to use on him before, and one she doesn’t care to repeat. “Well, clearly she does. Look at her.” Arthur gestures to Ygraine, now looking disrespectfully content in Merlin’s arms. His eyes travel up to Merlin’s face, and he narrows them at him. “Is it magic?” “No!” Merlin says, a bit insulted at the idea that Arthur could think him capable of using magic on his baby. On any baby, really. “I wouldn’t be upset if it was,” Arthur says. “I might even be happy to hear it.” “It’s not magic.” Merlin laughs despite himself, although Arthur looks worryingly serious. “Sorry. Just my natural charm.” “Perhaps it’s just seeing a new face,” Gwen ventures. “A new face? She saw him yesterday.” Arthur steps towards Merlin to frown down at Ygraine. “And surely she can't be tired of my face already, it's only been two months.” Merlin takes the chance to turn and stare at Arthur’s face, as if to examine it closely. “It takes some getting used to, to be fair. Give her a bit longer.” Arthur gives him a withering look. He’s apparently too tired to come up with an appropriate comeback, which only seems to irritate him further, and Merlin’s quite sure that the only thing saving him from being thumped over the head is the fact that he’s holding his daughter.

from: vignette iii — butterflies

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

truly i do think that placing jack seward near the bottom of all time psychiatrist rankings is the result of unwarranted optimism about the state of the field at any time in history. source, which reveals a number of researchers have felt the need to put in time conducting research to empirically demonstrate that the full moon does not make you extra crazy:

[shydaydreamer28]

MCU - PalmerStrange + Salvaging Cleaphen

Unlike my last PalmerStrange post, this IS NOT a rant - just (probably unwarranted) optimism as a Cleaphen shipper.

This is how I see PalmerStrange from the first film to MoM - which I think can add depth & perspective Strange in the future, salvage Cleaphen, while also taking some of the cringe & shallowness out of the MoM version of PalmerStrange.

I said this in my PS post, but them shoving Christine down our throats so hard fucks everything up for Clea as a love interest. When 4/8 years of Strange's MCU time has been Christine-based with her getting this unearned spot as his "one true love", how are we meant to care about Clea coming into his life?

Clea ends up looking like a consolation prize because his actual love rejected him (in numerous universes). With that being the case, how are MCU fans (who are non-comic readers) supposed to truly invest in what was set-up to look like a rebound relationship because they wrote themselves into a corner trying to give Rachel McAdams more spotlight? Lol

That's like if the comics tried to paint Zelma as Strange's true love after we spend decades with Clea. That was a weird relationship by the way. Sometimes she was strictly a student & friend, other times it was written like they intended Strange's feelings as romantic. Lord knows...But either way, it's asinine. Imo you don't (or shouldn't) spend years gassing up a relationship knowing you have no intent of settling on it, then bringing in a new person randomly claiming that it was always meant to be them after numerous prior years depicting it as clearly being someone else.

I am saying the above because it seems clear in interviews from Waldron & McAdams, that they genuinely believe in PalmerStrange as a deep love pairing. Wth their pushing of it, it hurts Clea's romance with Strange in future projects by being brought in as "the lesser" ship.

However, the writing & execution in MoM was so bad, that I can NOT see PalmerStrange the way Waldron & McAdams were trying to sell it. And plus, of course the latter is gonna toot her own horn & hype the main character's feelings for her. Lmao

The first film didn't paint Christine being anywhere near as important to Strange as MoM tried to (badly) suggest.

Being bluntly honest, Strange never really paid much attention to Christine unless he wanted or needed something. I do believe he cared as much as he could at that time in his life when we first meet him, but it seemed more like she was a safety net. I'll expand a bit further down.

But first, lets look at the first non-business interaction between them. This interaction alone tells us everything.

Christine shares her policy against dating co-works which she named after Strange. Strange is glad something is named after him since nobody wants to call the technique he invented "The Strange technique."

Christine corrects him in noting that they invited the technique, which includes her.

Note how Strange promptly rushes passed the part relating to her to talk about how he's speaking at a dinner he wants her to attend with him.

Christine is less than thrilled. Strange says they had fun when they'd go & she has to break it to him that she never had fun because everything is always about him.

This sets the tone right here. Strange is clearly attracted to Christine but he is not at all in-tune with her as a person. When they were dating, Christine went to those events for him - not because they were fun, because they weren't for her. And Strange was so detatched & disinterested in her emotionally, he couldn't fathum that she wasn't having any fun until she outright tells him. Not hard to see why she (we can safely assume) broke things off.

Lets also take notice of how Strange never does anything for Christine.

She bought him a very expensive & engraved watch.

She was the one person to visit with him in the hospital after his accident, and was clearly heartbroken seeing him hurt.

She tried to take care of him after the accident - we see her giving him a shave when he's still hospitalized as well as bringing him food after he's out.

And while her timing was bad, she tried to get him to face the fact that his hands can not be fixed rather than torture himself on false hopes & putting himself in debt because of it.

But she also tries to encourage him to use the time to find new meaning in life.

She saved his life when he was stabbed.

She tried to comfort him after The Ancient One's death.

Lastly, she invited him to her wedding as a good friend.

Meanwhile we never see him doing anything for her. Her wedding in MoM was a chance for him to be supportive & encouraging on her new life chapter.

But rather than do that, his first instinct is to make her wedding about him - using her reception as the time & place to confess that he still has feelings for her.

Not only is this tacky asf, but it shows how little her happiness & best interests are to him when he makes her big day about him. Their relationship was 100% giving and / or sacrifice on Christine's end & nothing but taking on Strange's end. And that has not changed in MoM.

Imo opinion that cements that Strange doesn't love her because he doesn't care enough about her to ever put her first, show her consideration, or do even the smallest kindnesses for her - even after his character developement .

Christine seems to be someone he could always count on to validate & support him whenever he needed / wanted because she was the only person to ever put up with him. For the longest, she may have been the only friend (and possibly lover) he ever had. Or maybe he had more but she was the only one who stuck around. However you slice it, the first film makes it clear, she's the only real friend he had prior to his journey. Nobody else cared about him beyond professional responsibility. And there was good reason for that. Lol

He's so obsessive in MoM, the only way I excuse & explain it is her wedding triggering him and bringing some insecuriies and traumas regarding loss & lonliness back to the surface.

Rather than truly loving her, he's just desperate to cling to the 1 person he's always had for the longest. Her marrying someone else cuts in on their relationship big time. But that clinginess has more to do with him trying to make himself happy & hold on to a comfort source rather than out of any truly deep love for her. 

Again, not saying he doesn't care about Christine - but rather his romantic feelings are not based around true love. It seems to be based around how she makes him feel more so than how he truly feels for her. A case of truly loving the person vs. their actions, i.e. "what they do or provide for you."

And even deep into MoM, this seemed to be the case because all of his interactions with Christine center on what he is feeling rather than him trying to truly connect with & understand her feelings. He's had some character development but when it comes to Christine, he still treats everything as being about him, marking very little change in their relationship since the hospital scene in the first film.

He regresses when he's around her. Not because of anything bad on her part. She's so compassionate to him, she's done nothing but sacrifice & give to him which he has now come to expect. When they link up, he's always looking for her to be his comfort, savior, & validation rather than his true love or partner. In response, she humors him & is more patient with him than most would be. But sadly she's inadvertently enabling his behavior.

Cleaphen & Perspective

Now that brings me to Cleaphen & new perspective for Strange. Unlike PalmStrange (lmao that name works on multiple levels), Cleaphen only got 30 sec. of screentime. Lmao So this is based around wishful thinking to build on the above. LMAO

For me, the way to salvage this upcoming ship is establish that his feelings for Christine were not as genuine as he may have thought at the time once he begins to experience & feel the real thing with Clea.

Now usually I am very much against sailing ships by bombing others. A good ship can sail on its own. The thing that makes this different was MCU writing things into a corner to show more Rachel. Derrickson used Christine to give Strange a personal teather to his old life that he'd have to give up at the film's end. He gave them their closure in the first film & was planning & excited to bring Clea in for MoM. But he left, so his vision was burnt to a crisp & replaced.

Disney wanted to do a "What If" episode about Christine, Waldron watched that and continued with giving Christine / Rachel a larger part than what they were supposed to have. Because of all this padding for McAdams, PalmerStrange got stretched way out, leading to non-comic MCU fans expecting a Ross x Rachel get-together after the supposed Will They / Won't They.

Marrying Christine off in MoM gave most people a WTF reaction because it feels anti-climactic to spend 4 years on a ship they made Strange obsessively lovesick over only to not follow through on sailing it. Then we didn't stop at the wedding, we got a variant Christine to tag along in MoM, leading folks to thinking our Strange would get with her. And that doesn't happen - even after his confession PalmerStrange fans expected to at least get a kiss there. Nope.

Now we have 4 years of wasted time on a dead & static romance while making it the center of our main character's existence only to introduce what was supposed to be his real true love in a rushed & half-assed fashion during the credits of his sequel-in-name-only.

So because of the mess Disney made with PalmerStrange, we gotta have some pull back if they truly care about selling Clea as a love interest to be cared about. And maybe they don't. We'll have to see. Lol

Imo PalmerStrange has been overstretched & has done no kind of favors to Strange as this tweet perfectly sums up. Lmao

In addition to doing Strange a disservice, it also drags down Cleaphen. If she's gonna be his lover for the duration of his MCU tenure, then the mess they made with PalmerStrange needs to be cleaned up. But this assumes there's anyone besides Derrickson in the MCU who cares about Strange & Clea's characters.

Starting off, I think his ship with Clea needs to be a very slow burn across multiple films or shows whichever they are invloved in. But it needs to be spread out to provide real development & depth so it doesn't seem rushed & half-assed. Again. Lol PalmerStrange got 2 films and 2 "What If..." episodes. They could at least give Cleaphen 2 films - especially since that's the ship that's supposed to go somewhere. The romance will only ever be a subplot because there's always a bigger over-arching story that is more important.

The following is gonna be how I hink Cleaphen should be spread post-MoM. Lord knows all the MCU projects and films to come. So I am just gonna number things

Film 1 (their very next major appearance)

We need to see them as comrades first. Show them working well together as a good team. Good battle chemistry can definitely be a factor in bonding them during early stages. It would lay the groundwork of mutual respect between 2 mystic fighters & sorcerers.

After developing mutual respect for one another as comrades, slowly work toward connecting more personally which leads to a friendship. That connection could be in conversation about her family. Perhaps Clea fully introduces herself to Strange revealing the extent of who she is to him - a key thing being that she's Dormammu's niece. We can hear about her family and the emotional conflct she faces coming from such a family whom she once supported.

This would help turn the tables. We'd get someone is sharing their sob story with Strange and he's getting a chance to be the ear to listen and provide comfort to Clea in similar fashion to what he had to do for America. This would already differentiate the relationship from Christine because he'd be required put forth emotional effort in the developmental stages. Unlike Christine, Clea comes with her own regrets and dark history. She's not the Mary Sue with no hardships or wrong-doings. So while Clea can be a source of support for Stephen, he has to be there for her issues as well.

With Clea having her own very clear demons & a VERY dangerous family, Strange would not have the chance to make everything all about him & become complacent in that. If he wants her, he's gonna have to make effort insuring she is emotionally supported & fulfilled as well.

Again, we can't linger on this subplot too long because the film would have a bigger story to be told - but we have nicely continued the ship voyage - showing how they mesh as comrades since the end of MoM, and now moving into friendship in this film. This film this is should focus a bit more on Clea with Strange being a supporting factor to her since she is a major new addition to Marvel & Strange lore. We can be learning about her & building a connection simultaneously with Strange. I hate to say that after Strange played 3rd fiddle in MoM, but even with focusing on Clea, it wouldn't hurt Strange's character as bad as MoM because we are developing a character who is going to be very big & influential in his life. So end the subplot here for this film. Whatever it may be. Lol

Film 2

Next film, shift back to Strange focus. Having clearly become fond of him, have Clea inquires about Strange - his life, family, and if he has a special someone back home. He can give a brief recap of his journey from his first film. After that, he can answer that he had a special someone years ago but it ended because he wasn't the best person at the time.

That is actually similar to the comics. Strange was engaged to a woman named Madeleine St. Germaine, a patient he treated & fell for. As his attittude got worse & more materialistic, she left him. So this can be the scene we get him talking about Christine & the real reason it ended (because everything was about him - not the BS holding the knife bit that they made up for that film). With a bit of romantic interest having seeped through, Clea asks if he still has feelings for Christine based on how fondly he's still speaking of her.

With that question, we can get some perspective and admittance from Strange - that he still cares for Christine as a very good friend but his romantic interest has passed. Why? He now realizes that he mostly loved as a source of comfort & validation rather than as a true lover.

With that question, we can get some perspective and admittance from Strange - that he still cares for Christine as a very good friend but his romantic interest has passed. Why? He now realizes that he mostly loved as a source of comfort & validation rather than as a true lover.

That would be a moment of realization that shows growth & self-reflection. Strange seemed totally ooc during the MoM Christine subplot but the above would give a legit & believable reason for his obsessive lovesick behavior. it would make it seem like a needed transition to prepare him for the relationship to come and help him truly recognize the difference between limerence vs. love now that he is learning to develop relationships and friendships outside of the 1 person he was putting all his humanity & happiness on - all his eggs in 1 basket so to speak. Baskets can be overloaded and break. Christine can't be responsible for a clingy partner using her for their emotional needs while providing nothing in return for her. Again, a very one-sided relationship. With perspective, Strange will see just what kind of effort & devotion true love can pull out of a person.

Now we have to keep the movie going. Because again, this is only a subplot. We have to move back to the bigger story. Imo this is a good place to leave Cleaphen until their next appearance. The seeds of romance have been planted with Strange & Clea being closer as comrades & having connected a bit on a friendship level. We also have both characters established to each other as single. lol

Film 3

Finally, move them into official lovers territory here. How to push it over the edge? We gotta have Strange make that final leap and allow himself to be 100% raw with Clea on an emotional level. We've now had 2 films building an intimacy as comrades & friends, so it wouldn't be unrealisticly rushed for him to be at the point of opening up on the deepest level - especially having mutually developed feelings for her over the course of the previous 2 films.

Clea has learned about Strange's life-changing journey and his history with Christine which he has gained more logical & less emotional perspective on. From here, we have a solid base set for moving the relationship to its final stage. Maybe now is the time to get that big moment we've had put off for 2 solo DS films. Strange has shared his journey into soercery & prior love life with Clea, but what about his family? I don't think it'd be an instantaneous. I could see Clea asking him about it and him brushing it off early on before he finally allows himself to open up to her fully.

And THIS story could finally be the moment we expand on Donna and see the trauma that resides there. But rather than skipping right passed it, show some actual flashbacks this time. Maybe use this story to bring up his brother, Victor and the guilt of also feeling like he failed him. This would also track with his comment to Christine about how he is afraid of being genuinely close to others because he gets scared.

When he finally caves & reveals his family history to Clea, let this be a true scene where we finally see the weight of Stephen letting all this out to someone after so long and then let Clea get the chance to comfort him on his family as he did for her when he revealed her own family drama & issues. Being such a stage ready actor who truly gets into his roles, Cumberbatch would KILL a scene like this. We'd get the chance to see Strange in a very different light, at his most vulnerable, and it's a side he's only revealing to Clea (his future wife). He can start truly opening his heart with her, and continue from there to where Comics Strange made it 30+ years ago. lmao

Doctor Strange 3

Only question, where does DS3 fit into this. Above I gave bullet points for how Cleaphen can develop organically over the course of 3 film subplots. It's still a bit rushed but there's only so much time per film and gotta face facs this isn't a Soap Opera with season upon season to devote to story lines. Getting back to the 3 mystery films, which of those is DS3 and should any of them be?

Rumor is that DS3 is being fast-tracked due to the success of MoM as well as Marvel wanting to get it out before Secret Wars. This is concerning because rushed work is usually never good. Another rumor is that it will adapt Time Runs Out from the comics and be another segue into a big event.

If those 2 things are true, then a romantic subplot probaly won't have much time for real devotion. Strange already had to take a backseat in DS2, and we stiill have Clea to properly introduce. So DS3 does NOT need to take place directly after MoM. Their next appearance needs to start planting seeds for their relationship as well as devote real time to establishing Clea. DS3 is not the place to do the latter because Strange doesn't need to play second-fiddle in 2/3 of his solo films. So that definitely crosses off Film 1 as DS3 possibilities.

Realistically DS3 could be Film 2 or Film 3. But since there is a high chance of it being event-based, I don't see a romance subplot getting handled in a way that is meaningful & satisfactory which leads me to think that all these films need to be appearances & plots that take place before DS3. If it went that way, then we can come into DS3 with Clea & Cleaphen already established - without major character moments & developments rushed in favor of making sure the event threads all get included.

Thing is, DS3 is again being fast-tracked. So unless SW isn't coming out until 2034, I doubt we'll get 3 films prior with Strange & Clea. So DS3 would have to fall in F2 or F3 to have a chance at still working with Clea & Cleaphen in a satisfying way.

I lean toward Film 2 because the suggested subplot events are depthful but wouldn't need to use too many scenes. So we can get the proper focus on that while still keeping pace for the event(s). But on the other side of the argument, what film other than his own could Strange's family and trauma truly be addressed? In a team film like Avengers, he'd already have his screentime divided among 10 other characters.

Would they do a team film that gave him the major subplot that his family trauma would need? I doubt it. So either Film 3 would be DS3. Or Cleaphen & Strange get to a certain point, pause for a bit, then finish up the development in a DS4. Lol Possible, but I never entertained the idea Strange would get a 4th film. I am not against it, but just never saw it as something that would happen.

Best Option

The best option would be to give Strange a mini series. I don't care if it's animated or live action, but his character could use it. Then we could get a lot of depth & development that the films robbed him of, develop his romance with Clea, and be in a good spot to use his remaining films as tie-ins because his development was handled in a tv series and the films can be more business oriented without shafteing the character(s) arc(s) entirely.

Outro

With all that (or similar) being done, we have a ship that has slowly built from comrades to romantic interests with mutual support & investment - much more stable than the last ship Strange was on. We can still accept that Christine is an important loved one in his life while adding a deeper layer to it - acknowledging things like emotional co-dependency instead of accepting bad writing where intended love just looks like limerence with the titular character not being mentally mature enough to know the difference. lol

With a build like this for Cleaphen and an added perspective on PalmStrange being misguided on Strange's end, we can create a ship that looks adult and deep. We can buy why Clea x Strange are good together and what they see in each other. We can have real investment with real character depth & growth - turning the negatives of MoM into positives and still making future plot points work.

Or have Christine & Charles divorce, with the forner coming back for Strange, only for him to reject her because he's in love with Clea. 🤣🤣🤣 They did it with Gwen & Spider-Man, who rejected her for MJ. But I know this won't happen. So lets get back to seriousness. Lmao

With the previous mentioned time & build, MCU Cleaphen looks like a legit ship where Strange truly is with the love of his life (like Waldron said she was suppoed to be) versus looking like a rebound he would instantly dump for Christine if she ever came back.

But again, all wishful thinking to lessen my MoM hate and still be able to enjoy the idea of Cleaphen in the MCU.

I doubt we will get anything close to deep in any future films they share. 9/10 when we finally see them again, they will already be married with the entirety of their relationship progression having happened off-screen.

[quickdeaths]

@more-than-a-princess

"That's tight." The collar clicked into place, cold metal that heated quickly in the island sun, with only a thin strip of fabric on the inside to keep from scraping at her neck - though the red marks beneath made it clear that wasn't especially effective. "I'd prefer it a bit looser. Please." Without a bit of additional room, it chafed more easily, and on hot days, left faint burns on her skin where the hot steel pressed too long against her. An extra few centimeters to tilt her head without pinching or burning wouldn't make it any easier for her to escape.

Though, that was hardly the point. "Yeah, I bet you would," the Future Foundation agent agreed, even as he locked it in the same position. The collar secured, he turned his attention to the chain, attached to a pole erected on the beach for the express purpose of keeping Shinobu Yaguchi in one place. The agent nodded to himself, after he'd finished, before curling his fingers around the chain and jerking it down. He'd say it was for testing purposes, Shinobu assumed, even as they stumbled back, the uncomfortable feeling of the collar straining against them.

No, the point was to hurt her - to punish her. A motive so obvious that it was scarcely worth pointing out. Even the distance of her basket and boxes - far enough away that she'd need to uncomfortably stretch for bait, tackle, spare line, or whatever she'd need, and that she'd need to near-choke herself simply to deposit a fish without risking dropping it in sand and having it flop back to sea - was a punishment. Well, it wasn't as though she didn't deserve it. That they were alive at all, them and their friends, was a supposed kindness certainly unwarranted. "Try to stay alive, today. I don't go back until next week, and I don't want the headache."

A boat had come in that morning, large and imposing. She'd assumed it was to send out the agents itching to leave, and drop the new and miserable members off, but it wasn't here for the personnel rotation, then she had no idea its purpose. I suppose it doesn't matter much either way. Shinobu watched him walk away, before setting up her rod as best she could. The blunted hooks, given them after the realization of the danger a sharper one possessed, weren't easy to work with. If it were up to Shinobu, she'd prefer to be done with it all, but the knowledge that Ayaka and the others were depending on her for some meager food supplies fanned the flames of that otherwise-empty pit where her heart had once called itself obligation. Perhaps if she were lucky, she could catch a salmon for Anzu, when she awoke.

When Sonia Nevermind and her entourage disembarked their ship, Soshun Murasame was there to greet them, a smile on his face. Smiling, waving, projecting an aura of calm responsibility even when he felt neither calm nor responsible - that was what he was good for. That was why he'd been asked to escort Novoselic's princess for the duration of her time visiting Jabberwock Island. That, and he could be trusted not to hurt anyone, being both physically weak and a notorious coward. Unlike the rest of his friends, Murasame had survived two killing games by keeping his hands clean and his head down.

"Your Highness, hello. Welcome to Jabberwock Island." At one point, Murasame remembered being full of boundless optimism and cheer. Whether it was Ishikawa's terrible jokes or some impossible-to-understand comment Hanasaki had made, he'd always laughed along and encouraged everyone. These days, the hopeful attitude was forced, and believing in others seemed almost impossible - not least because the people he'd most believed in had joined him in plunging the world into darkness.

But if not him, then who? Sato was too curt and standoffish, and Shikiba too quiet. Matsuda was bitter and blamed himself, while Kamiya's constant sobbing cast dark clouds even on sunny days. Hinata had far more important things to do than be anyone's cheerleader, and the less said about Yaguchi, the better. Murasame couldn't imagine putting anything else on her shoulders would help her condition. It fell to him, then, to believe hard enough that things would work out. They had to.

"I'm sure our friends at Future Foundation have already given you a number of briefings, and if you have your own plans for touring their offices and speaking with their administrators, I completely understand." Although, he'd heard rumblings that perhaps things weren't going well there. Some final parting plan of hers, maybe. "But I'm available to show you around if there's anything you want to see on our side of the islands." Transparent, affable, considerate of others - Murasame clung to that essence of leadership.

Even if his last role had been self-declared Acting Prime Minister of a sham government. After what Yaguchi had done, Japan had needed a leader. Likely, the princess had seen his face more times than she could count, given how his unhinged daily briefings had been broadcast across the world. Well, he couldn't let that force him to falter. He needed to keep his chin up, accept responsibility, and make amends. For now, that meant hosting Sonia Nevermind, and making the best impression of himself and his friends. "We have a number of facilities, from our kitchen and dining area, to our farm and agricultural lab, the hospital and holding facilities, our weather forecasting station where we track storms." Again, Murasame forced a smile. "We're making the best for ourselves here. So, whatever you'd like to see, Your Highness, I'll be happy to show you."

[skpct]

Thoughts-Time to wake up, Neo.

This is a new section I’m doing. The trail is a good place for reflection, so sometimes I have thoughts, and sometimes I write them down. It’s also a good opportunity to post some more pictures; Tumblr only lets you upload 10 per post on Mobile, so I have to leave some on the cutting room floor.

Back in civilization, I would check the news constantly. I was always aware of everything that was happening all the time. Now I’m not, because I live in the woods, and there’s not much cell service out here. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

My impulse is to say it is a good thing to be disconnected. I think it’s sort of a hip thing to say. “I’m off the grid! I’m disconnected! I’m reconnecting with nature!” I do feel that way, and there are certain freedoms and benefits out here. I’m less resentful towards the world in general, for instance. I’d see news that made me feel sad or angry, and I couldn’t do anything about it. That made me resentful, and it’s nice to not have to deal with that. It’s not all positive, though.

This is a super extreme example, but if North Korea launched a nuclear missile at Seattle while I was way out on the trail, I wouldn’t learn about it for several days. Sure, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, but it would be nice to know that my home and family are gone. That’s kinda dark, and I’ll move on, but you get what I’m saying.

People expect you to be connected. I ran into some service right before I got to Acton, and a text came in. It was from my old professor. They weren’t able to reach me though email, I hadn’t been checking it. A student was running a story on my professor or something and needed me to sign a release form for a photo I was in. They had sent me a two emails, and the second one was definitely pretty frantic, asking me to please sign the photo release form as soon as possible. It may be positive for me personally to be disconnected, but there’s no question: it caused a student distress. I was a student not long ago, and I tell you, they don’t need any additional stress. Sure, I don’t technically owe that student anything, but we all owe each other kindness. It’s a reality that in the modern world, being in touch is a component of that, and I’m not in touch.

One thing I’ve noticed is that nothing really happens. When you stare at the news constantly, there’s an illusion of something greater. However, when you only see it once in a while, it’s different. It’s like regardless of what happens today or tomorrow, life goes on. When I took that step back, it felt like the world was moving in a more positive direction than I thought. Or maybe that optimism is totally unwarranted and everything is terrible. Who knows?

I don’t have a grand thesis here, I’m afraid. In some ways, I’m unquestionably better off. But in other ways, things are worse. Maybe when I come back, I’ll have a completely different worldview. Maybe not. We shall see. Okay, thoughts over.

[lambfated]

ALL QUIRKS MY MUSE HABITUALLY HAS

bold all of your character’s regular truths; italicize sometimes repost, don’t reblog!

Smoking: the action or habit of inhaling and exhaling the smoke of tobacco or a drug.

Binge drinking: the consumption of an excessive amount of alcohol in a short period of time.

Drug abuse: the habitual taking of illegal drugs.

Nail biting: a common body language sign of anxiety/tension.

Lip biting: a common body language sign of anxiety/tension.

Night owl: a person who is habitually active or wakeful at night.

Early bird: a person who rises, arrives or acts before the usual or expected time.

Negative attitude: a philosophy of approaching life with criticism and pessimism.

Positive attitude: a philosophy of approaching life with optimism and confidence.

Swearing: the use of offensive language.

Superstitious: an irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome.

Inspecting fingernails: a common body language sign of boredom.

Scratching your neck: a common body language sign of uncertainty.

Foot and finger tapping: a common body language sign of stress/impatience.

Nose touch: a subtle body language sign of deceit.

Flipping hair: a common body language sign of craving attention.

Twirling hair: a common body language sign of flirtation.

Cracking knuckles: a common body language sign of readiness.

Hands behind back: a common body sign of confidence.

Finger pointing: a common body language sign of authority.

Hands on hips: a common body language sign of readiness.

Hands in pockets: a common body language sign of mistrust/reluctance.

Frequent touch: a common body language sign of warmth/familiarity.

Throat-clearing: a common body language sign of rejection/doubt.

Jaw-clenching: a common body language sign of hostility.

Eye-rolling: a common body language sign of irritation.

Head-tilt: a common body language sign of interest.

Whistling: to emit high-pitched sound by forcing breath through a small hole between one’s lips or teeth; usually to a tone.

Humming: make a low, steady continuous sound like that of a bee; usually to a tune.

Perfectionism: refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

Photographic memory: the ability to remember information or visual images in great detail.

Paranoia: a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically worked into an organized system.

Exaggeration: a statement that represents something as better or worse than it really is.

Intuitive: using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.

Quick-witted: showing or characterized by an ability to think or respond quickly and effectively.

Interrupting: breaking the continuity of a conversation with one’s own statements.

Doodling: to scribble or make rough drawings, absent-mindedly.

Irritable: having or showing a tendency to be easily annoyed.

Gambling: to play games of chance for money; bet.

Travel-sick: suffering from nausea caused by the motion of a moving vehicle, boat, or aircraft.

Sensitive: having or displaying a quick and delicate appreciation of others’ feelings.

Melancholy: a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.

Chewing gum: the exercise of chewing flavoured gum which is not intended for swallowing.

Fidgeting: to make small movements, especially of the hands and feet, through nervousness or impatience.

Skeptical: not easily convinced; having doubts or reservations.

Neat-freak: compulsively obsessed with cleanliness.

Gossiping: divulging personal information about others.

Prim: feeling or showing disapproval of anything regarded as improper; stiffly correct.

Abbreviating: giving others nicknames/shortening names/giving pet names.

Having a catchphrase: having a sentence or phrase typically associated with a specific person.