#was talking to a friend about how ever since I got rona at the start of the panini my brain has felt like its on slow-mo

[xagave]

One of the things I'd like to do more of in 2023 is write more fic maybe. I'm not great at it and end up orphaning most of the stuff I write but like. Gotta feed myself in these times lol

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Okay everything about a Wingfeather Saga/Phineas and Ferb crossover would be hilarious. And by Wingfeather Saga I mean Wingfeather Falls because it’s even funnier.

Idk even where to start. The Wingfeather kiddos walk through a portal into Phineas and Ferb’s backyard and end up helping with whatever they’re building. Kalmar is in his element with the chaos. Janner is trying desperately to keep track of Perry so he can sketch whatever this new creature is. Leeli’s just chilling, probably hanging out with the Fireside girls and staring at Candace in concern.

Across town Artham and Fiddleford end up at Doofenshmirtz’s evil inc. where Artham discovers that Fidds and Doof know each other because Fiddleford accidentally hacked into an evil villain meeting skype call once and they just... let him keep doing it because I mean he does build giant robots that terrorize a town, has a tragic backstory and an evil laugh so I mean he’s basically one of them, he’s causing chaos it counts. Artham’s just pleased to know that Fiddleford talked to people back in the day.

Perry shows up and Artham and Fidds just fly up into the rafters to watch whatever’s going on. Artham mentions that Janner would love to see a platypus and then when the fight starts he’s like “ah. so this is how Ollister Pembrick did it”

99.9% sure Kalmar has convinced Phineas and Ferb to help him build Shacktron 2.0 which he has always wanted to do ever since Dipper showed him the picture but he never had a house he could do it with. Phineas and Ferb are more than happy to turn their house into a giant robot to help this kid fulfill his dreams. Janner’s questioning Candace over why she keeps trying to bust her brothers and when it basically just comes down to it being a compulsion for her he’s like “wow okay I mean if it was safety I’d get it but, jeeze, Kalmar thinks I’m against fun but you my friend are on another level.” Leeli is composing the episode’s musical number and then promptly directing/performing in it.

Artham flies down in the middle of Perry and Doof’s daily smackdown to give hand-to-hand combat tips. They stop and listen to him and Perry starts taking notes. Artham tells Perry to attack him to demonstrate something and Perry doesn’t land a hit once. No one’s sure why Artham’s good at defending himself from animals except Fiddleford who’s cackling up in the rafters with the knowledge that Artham lived in his world’s most deadly forests for 7ish years.

Cue giant robot walking through town with a gang of kids in it including one overexcited young king. Artham and Fiddleford get to see it right before Doof’s invention inevitably destroys/cancels it out somehow. Kal is very disappointed that he didn’t get to show his uncles this wacky invention but is thrilled when they find out they saw it anyway.

rest is under the cut because this got long

PART TWO is somehow so much more unhinged. It’s literally just Artham deciding to bring his niece and nephews along with him and Fiddleford to visit Doofenshmirtz and absolute chaos descending. Kalmar won’t stop running around pushing buttons and inadvertently setting off lasers and traps which never hit him or any of the kids. Janner is wondering how concerned he should be about safety. Doof is running around trying to stop Kalmar and probably the only one getting hit by lasers and traps. Vanessa is there and so Leeli goes over to chat with her and sees her listening to music and explains her whistleharp, “I once held back an army with this!” “an army?” “yeah! during the siege of Ban Rona. also I can summon dogs with it.” “.... what.” “I can summon dogs!” “what kind of dogs?” “all dogs! do you wanna see?” “...yes”

Leeli and Vanessa go out on the balcony and Leeli starts alternating between playing her whistleharp and dogspeak and soon every dog in the tri-state area is there. This sets off Phineas and Ferb’s adventure of the day when Isabella comes and tells them her dog is missing. At first they try and build a dog summoning device but Leeli keeps also summoning the dogs so I’m just imagining a Bohemian Rhapsody song sequence going “galileo GALILEO galileo GALILEO FIGARO MAGNIFICOOOOOOOOOO” “oh let me gooooooo NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!” that part where the dogs are turning back and forth in a street obviously torn between directions. Phineas and Ferb give up because it’s obviously not working and go to plan B which is follow the sounds the dogs are hearing and see where it leads.

Meanwhile Perry has shown up because there are lasers going off everywhere and all the dogs have been pied-pipered there. He just lands on the balcony next to the girls and stares wide eyed at the chaos. Leeli looks at him like, “ooooh look, I summoned a platypus too!” “oh that’s just Perry, he’s my dad’s nemesis.” “hi Perry! you should go find my brother Janner he’ll love that.”

I think Artham and Fiddleford are just sitting off to the side observing the chaos. Artham is cheerfully petting dogs. Fiddleford is fixing all the inators as they break just for funsies. At least sixteen things are on fire. Janner has discovered Perry’s here and is happily sketching him again, with a hat this time and the clarification “platypus (secret agent)”. Doofenshmirtz is still in the background trying and failing to catch Kalmar who is having the time of his life.

There is a knock on the door and it is the boys and Isabella. Leeli answered and when they ask about Isabella’s dog she happily summons it with dogspeak. This is also when they go “oh there you are Perry” and he’s just chilling in a sea of dogs for no reason.

PART THREE is just Perry’s secret agency freaking out about how Leeli can straight up summon dogs and talking about how great that would be for them if they could get her to work for them so Perry has to find her. Luckily Leeli and her brothers are visiting again so he gets her and brings her down to his secret hideout. What follows is Major Monogram trying to convince this 10-11 year old to join a secret agency to train dogs and Leeli just like “you had me at ‘train dogs’” but then being the granddaughter of a pirate kicks in and she’s like “what’s in it for me?” and while Monogram and Carl try (and fail) to figure out what preteen girls like, Leeli mentally puts together a list of demands.

“Okay, first, I want a hat like Perry’s.” “Done.” “Second I want to go with Perry on one of his missions so I can ask Dr. Doofenshmirtz for one of his inventions and take it home for Kalmar.” “... W H Y.” “because he didn’t get to ask last time! he was too excited and hyped up on sugar!” “.... alright, fine.” *Leeli squees*

What follows is just a montage of Leeli training dogs while wearing a little secret agent hat. Then Perry has to chaperone her on one of his missions (he tries to open the door for her but Leeli’s like “I got it” and bangs it down with her crutch “they don’t call me lizardkicker and batwhacker for nothing!” Perry has no idea what that means but he’s a little afraid of her now).

Leeli walks in somehow avoiding any traps but Perry doesn’t even though he directly follows her, and she just trots up to Doof like, “Hi Dr. Doofenshmirtz Perry brought me here so I could ask if I could get one of your inventions for Kalmar.” and Doof’s just staring at her like “why are you using a little girl to confuse me Perry the platypus” Leeli looks back and forth between them a couple times and then is like, “oh right you have to do your fighting thing, okay, go ahead I’ll wait.” and sits politely off to the side waiting for them to have their daily confrontation. And they’re both just like “.....”

They stare at her for long enough that she’s just like, “well okay Perry if you won’t stop him I guess I will” and just. whacks Doofenshmirtz with her crutch. he starts yelling at her like “oh that’s no fair, what am I supposed to do, beat up a little girl?!”

And Leeli, who has recently read The Hobbit, continues whacking him while yelling, “I’m not a little girl! I am the lizardkicker of Glipwood, batwhacker of Ban Rona! I am the Song Maiden of the Shining Isle of Anniera and granddaughter of Podo Helmer! And now I’m a secret agent!”

She then manages to whack his inator in just the right spot so that it collapses into a pile of rubble and then looks up at him all wide-eyed innocence like, “okay can I have something for Kalmar now? :)” and he’s like “.... okay sure, why not.”

Perry’s just projecting this back to HQ with his watch and they’re like “:O”

It ends with Leeli loading up whatever contraption she’s acquired for her brother onto a wagon pulled by dogs while she declines the agency’s offer of a full time job with a winning smile “sorry, I’m already the Song Maiden, defender of the Shining Isle, and a little kid. My schedule’s full.” and she heads cheerfully through a portal with her brothers, dogs and wagon in tow.

[zsuuv139]

rare original content time! and its gonna be me venting

cw: weight "management", weight loss and gain, gynecological issues, doctors, the rona

so either this story starts in my childhood: i've always been a fat girl and have recently discovered that it was basically eating for attention, positive or negative, since i also was a glass child.

or this story starts 3 years ago, with the pandemic. where i gained even more weight. but i also met this guy and he and another friend somewhat motivated me to lose a lot of weight (that i was really happy with and i felt better in my body, happier overall due to exercise). and then last february (2022) not only did i hook up with a guy, i also got myself a nice little BV out of it. and ofc the rona. after the rona cleared up, i went to a gyno who also did an ultrasound and found a cyst. i felt my life implode - i had only heard bad stuff about ovarian cysts.

they told me to not do intense workouts and put me on hormonal birth control. i could barely stand on my 2 legs. and i was depressed as hell. gained a lot of it back. got off the birth control because suddenly the cyst was not on my ovary anymore but somehow adjacent to it and hormones dont help anymore. still couldn't work out.

am also supposed to get an mri that either has a 6 month waitlist or a 100+ usd cost - my monthly pay is about 1k usd so i kinda cant afford it.

i recently took steps toward getting the mri - another gyno visit. now i also have a polycystic ovary (just one of the 2. hormone levels still ok - not pcos).

im also currently getting fired/ laid off and at the time of that appointment, i had just found out and was already exhausted because of multiple failed applications. i was certain that the layoff would happen and was looking and interviewing but got no offers.

when i tried to explain my health situation to my doctor, i ended up crying. she was patient, gave me some paper towels to wipe my face and explained how the procedures were gonna go. i liked the experience overall.

i also gained all the weight i had lost back.

docs want to investigate possible insulin resistance - i got my blood drawn and since then i have a bruise where i was stuck. this has not happened ever before, and i did used to get blood tests for a thyroid issue. im now wondering if this is bc im fat.

went to an endocrinologist - thyroid levels not optimal, and potential insulin resistance that i was hoping they could advise me on.

she calls my name. "how's it going with the weight loss?" i remark that not well.

"do you have endometriosis?"

"im not sure. afaik it needs surgery to be diagnosed and i havent had any surgery in that area. but my periods do hurt like hell and get kinda plentiful, so it wouldnt be a shock."

first few questions go normal, i know my meds, doses, diagnoses. she starts talking about weight loss. i just take it in an "ok im not coming back to her" way. then she starts asking about the cyst. i tell her what i know. she asks "but what does the mri say?" "dunno, they have a 6 month waitlist" "and youre not willing to pay for an emergency?"

now, in her pov, this random fat woman starts crying.

in my pov, all my job hunt stress and worries bubble up - im crying as im typing this ffs, and i do have a job offer currently! i recall how, if i qwere to go on unemployment, i would be eligible for 120 usd a month - i couldn't even pay rent with that! i recall how our transfer within the company was treated - we were told there would be opportunities and we will have to apply, then we applied, got little feedback, and as the other project's start date approached, they started pressuring us (most specifically, me) to do our tests asap and i was literally given 20 minutes on the end of a workweek to decide if i wanted to start on the other project on monday. did not go well.

so i just ended up crying - and angry at myself, since earlier i would just be angry if anything happens, and i was used to working with anger, but i dont know how to deal with crying.

she may have acknowledged that i was crying, saying she knows this situation is not easy but i should do everything to get out of it (no shit).

then, sobbing, i explained that the gyno did not say the mri would be urgent, and she did acknowledge the long waitlist.

doctor goes back to weight loss / eating habits. do i eat dairy? dairy is like fertilizer for the cysts, she says. "i don't drink cows milk. i do like yogurts and cheeses tho." "no, you cannot eat cheese".

what the actual fuck is happening?

she asks me to lay down for an ultrasound of my thyroid (to make sure its all good). i explain that its left side was taken out and on the right, there seems to be just a tiny little lump, and im kinda curious if it grew. should i take off my shirt? nah, just pull the neckline apart.

i would have rather taken it off but k.

she acknowledges that the left lobe is indeed not there, and goes to town with the ultrasound ot see whats up on the remaining right half. kinda hurts but whatever. lets just get this over with.

"how much do ypu weigh?"

"honestly, too much rn"

"100 kg?"

"uhm... [i am above that so i say 5 kg less]"

...

"why did they leave the right lobe?"

fuck knows, lady, it was 10 years ago and im not a doctor. i was an entire child, do you think anyone cared to explain the medical decisions? do you think i understood?

"the theory was that they were hoping it would work at least on its own or that it would make up for the left part"

"well that isnt happening"

"i have noticed. but idk if taking it out now would do any good."

"nah"

tells me i can wipe off the gel and calls me back to her desk while she writes up her report.

tells me that i need a nutritionist for the insulin resistance and refers me to a colleague. then gets back on weight loss.

"the small blob on your thyroid would go away if you managed to lose the weight"

"also don't eat bread. don't have more than 2 slices a day" "i already don't eat bread" "then stop eating pasta."

gurl idk how to tell you but pasta and cheese are the only joy left in my life.

"but you have to go to a specialist. no one can do this alone"

idk how to tell you but im not _paying_ for someone to yell at me to lose weight... i know a lot about diets, nutrition, how a meal should look like, calories, intermittent fasting (btw, have you ever had an endocrinologist recommend intermittent fasting? i heard it was bad for your hormones lol), and i don't want to give like 70 usd for a "specialist" to potentially tell me nothing new. is this arrogant? yes. but again im not rich.

is it cheaper than whatever i would need to do if my body continues to deteriorate? idk. i would have to put it on my goddamn credit card tho.

and then i look on the paper she gave me.

she wrote "emotionally-pshychologically unstable" as a symptom. fuck off the entire way.

i left her office. i cried. i cried some more. i complained to my friends. almost lost it when i couldn't attach a lid on an iced coffee and it spilled on me. i didn't tell my parents because i do not trust them with questions regarding my mental health.

and i read her note about our meet again.

she wrote

"antecedent: right lobectomy.

currently right lobe micronodule"

so that's how doctors listen to fat people.

[maggotzombie]

needy ; henry cavill

CONTINUATION: UNTAMED

PAIRING: Henry Cavill x Reader (fem) SUMMARY: You want Henry to pay attention to you but he keeps playing WoW and TikTok give you some ideas. TIME PERIOD: April of 2020 (midst of the rona [covid-19] quarantine craziness); WORDS: 3,2k TW: fluff, teasing, smut, dirty talk, daddy kink, punishment. A/N: I’m writing this very late, I know. Also, this is my first take on a few subjects I’m not comfortable with (such as daddy kink and punishment), so bear with me, please!! 🙃 This gif (nsfw) was a reference for this 3,2k smutt lol thanks @could-be-cavill​ for my inspiration. — 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

HENRY IS playing World of Warcraft.

Again

He’s playing that stupid game again.

Usually, I’m not bothered by that. He rarely has time to indulge himself with it anyway. But I usually have something to do, too. Well, usually.

This quarantine is lasting an awfully long time and I’ve run out of things to do.

Here’s a list of what I’ve done so far:

I’ve reorganized everything (bookshelves, closet, cabinets, etc.);

Scrubbed every inch of the house to perfection (I still have a few scratches on my hands from the chemicals of the cleaning products);

Kal has never been this well-groomed before.

I’m honestly tired of watching TV and looking at my phone. Actually, I’ve been spending a lot of time on the device lately. All of this because of the persistent and annoying ads of an app called TikTok.

My biggest mistake was downloading it out of curiosity.

It. Is. Addictive. Simple as that.

I sigh softly, twirling a strand of hair on my index finger as I watch my lovely, brawny, and completely fuckable boyfriend from the sofa. He’s talking complete nonsense and sometimes even speaking loudly, with his blue eyes fixed on the screen instead of me.

Kal’s head is resting on my lap and he glances worryingly at his best friend when he raises his voice.

An idea pops up in my head (thanks to the aforementioned app) and I smirk. Henry doesn’t even blink as I place a hand on his shoulder, he’s one-hundred percent focused on that stupid game.

He frowns when I pop my head in between his arms. “What are you doing?” He asks, letting go of the mouse so I can go through. “What’s this?”

I smile, making myself comfortable on his lap while facing him. Finally some eye contact. Without a reply, Henry shakes his head and goes back to the game, adjusting me to not get in his way.

After a minute or two, it seems I’m not an obstacle at all. In fact, Henry is now shouting directly to my ear due to our position. A pout forms in my lips as I reassess the strategy and I nuzzle my face into his neck in thought, making goosebumps flash over his skin.

Oh.

As my soft lips brush against the crook of his neck, more goosebumps rise. Still testing the waters, I graze my teeth at the same spot. Suddenly, my boyfriend is very quiet and I can even hear the people he’s playing with on his headset.

Henry’s breath shallows when I plant a kiss on his weak spot; just below his earlobe.

“Stop it,” He whispers to me as his cock twitches against me.

“I don’t think you want me to,” I move his microphone away from his lips.

I push my tongue into his mouth boldly and I receive an appreciative moan back. I explore his mouth slowly but sensually and I can feel his hard-on starting to growl against my groin.

Suddenly he breaks the kiss and shoots me a warning glare, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I’m here,” He says after adjusting his mic. “Just got slightly distracted.”

Scoffing, I buckle my hips hard against his boner and Henry hisses at the friction.

“Y/N...” Henry whispers warningly with heavy breathing.

In response, I give him a smug smile before attaching my lips back to his neck. I slip my hands under his shirt and my boyfriend groans, contracting his muscles. As my eager fingertips brush against his hard and well-defined abs, my tongue darts out to caress the sweet spot under his ear.

Ignoring his scolding and protest, I take off his headset from his left ear and take his earlobe in between my lips. My man’s breath gets caught up in his throat and his hand grabs my hip to stop me from grinding against his hard cock.

“Fuck,” He curses through gritted teeth.

Confusion takes over his face as I climb down off his lap but then he tenses again when I kneel in between his legs. Hands flat on his thick thighs, I’m able to move it very little towards my goal before Henry grabs my wrists.

He throws the headset onto the keyboard carelessly and gets up from the chair, taking me with him. I giggle in amusement as he pins me down on the sofa, hands above my head.

“What are you doing?” Henry asks in all seriousness.

“I’m bored!” I say honestly, looking into his eyes with mischief. “Play with me!” I pout and open a smirk at his expression.

“I’m busy right now,” He points out and I ignore it by trying to kiss his lips. My boyfriend moves his head away from my reach and gives me a stern look. “Wait for your turn, kitten,” Henry says.

“Since when do kittens do what they’re told to?” I ask, raising my knee to rub against his crotch. “They do whatever the fuck they want to,” I purr, watching his concentration faltering for an instant.

My boyfriend blinks and shakes his head before growling. He pins my leg down with his knee and applies more of his weight on my wrists, making it a bit uncomfortable but without hurting me.

“This kitten will obey. Otherwise, daddy will punish her later,” Henry provokes back but it makes me all tingly.

“Hmmm,” I hum, trying to reach him once again. “How about now? I misbehaved, right?”

“Later,” He says pointedly.

Before I can say or do anything else, Henry lifts his weight off me and moves away. I sit on the sofa to see him sitting back in front of the computer, completely ignoring me.

I hiss at him, just like a cat, and he throws a smirk my way while putting his headset back on. Pissed off by the rejection, I get up and leave the room. By the time I reach the stairs to the second floor, I can hear the shouting about the game resuming.

First, I jump on our big bed and just scream my frustration on a pillow. Eventually, I lie onto my back and stare at the ceiling pondering what to do next.

I’m SO bored.

Then I strip down and get into the bathtub where I watch even more TikToks. Thirty minutes later, after the water got too cold, I step out of it and wrap a towel around my body. I am about to carry on my daily routine when another idea provided by the beloved app pops into my head.

Ignoring the fact that I’m leaving small pools of water at each step I take, I walk down the stairs. Henry is exactly where I left him: on the stupid computer, playing the stupid game and shouting stupid things to children.

Ugh!

He doesn’t acknowledge my presence as I stand at the foot of the staircase and I open my towel. Nothing yet. I remove it completely from my body and I’m still invisible. Praying for some good aim, I throw the wet towel at him.

I call it a strike as it lands on top of his head. Huffing to gather some patience, Henry takes the towel off of his head and slowly turns to look at me. From where I’m standing, I can see the change in his eyes.

Without saying a word, he closes the game and throws the towel onto the floor. He’s up from his chair and sprinting towards me in a heartbeat. I turn hot on my heels to run upstairs, but my boyfriend’s arms wrap around my waist as I’m about to climb the second flight of the stairs.

“Nuh-uh,” He says against my ear, trapping my body with his against the wall. “You wanted my attention,” He continues and I can feel his hand shuffling something on my lower back. “Now you got it.”

My hands struggle to find something to grab and I lose my breath as Henry plunges into me without so much as a warm-up nor a warning. He groans at the sensation of my walls squeezing him angrily and pulls my arms to my back, locking it so I can’t move.

“Ah! So tight, baby girl,” He whispers without moving.

I don’t reply and it makes him grab my face by my jaw and turn it to the side. Nuzzling my temple, he produces the sexiest sound ever into my ear.

“What happened? The cat got your tongue?” His baritone voice hits a new low.

I clench around him. “Jesus Christ, Henry,” I breath out, wiggling my backside towards him and inciting a new moan from him. “Touch me,” I plead.

“Where, kitten?” Henry asks, letting go of my arms. “Use your words,” One hand travels down to my clit while the other grabs my left breast. “Here or here?”

First, he toys with my nub, making me get wetter. Then, he squeezes my boob and pinches my nipple. I moan, pressing my forehead against the wall. Each move gives me different waves of pleasure, both very welcomed and appreciated.

“Kitten?” He calls when I don’t reply.

“Y-Yes,” I reply, already weak resting my head back on his shoulder.

“You’re such a tease, but it doesn’t go beyond that, huh?” My boyfriend chuckles, calling me out.

“Baby, please,” I whine, clutching to his wrist.

Chuckling slightly again, he nuzzles his face into my neck and starts to toy with my clit. Slowly, Henry starts to bulge his hips against mine, making both of us moan. His hand comes down from my boob to squeeze my hip as he intensifies his thrusting and the movement of his hand.

In a swift move, he peels off his shirt, discarding it to the ground. I take the opportunity to move my hips at my own pace now that he doesn’t have his hands on me. But his strong grip returns to my hips and I see stars at the speed of his thrusts.

The obscene sound of our bodies fills the house along with our lewd moans. My boyfriend slows down when I rest my head back against his shoulder, eyes screwed shut as little spasms start to run over my body.

“You take my cock so well, baby girl,” He says against my temple, breathing heavily. “You like my big, fat cock tearing you apart, don’t you, kitten?”

My lust-filled brain can barely register the question as his throbbing cock gently caresses my G-spot. However, a loud and tingly smack on my right ass cheek startles me, prompting my wrecked neurons to put together a reply.

“I fucking love it,” I say through gritted teeth, raising my head and glancing at him over my shoulder. “Go faster, daddy,” I moan and bite my lip. “I want to come all over your delicious cock.”

Henry’s eyes darken by my request and he grabs my jaw, crashing his lips against mine. Our kiss is a bit rough, tongues battling for control until he pulls my bottom lip with his teeth.

“I’ll make you come so hard that you’ll regret interrupting my game,” He tells me.

The excitement of his words gives me chills and I chuckle with mischief. “Do you promise?” I glance at him seductively, my teasing self returning to the game.

“Cross my heart,” My boyfriend reassures me, one of his hands sliding back down in between my legs. “Are you ready?”

The question is ignored as my brain is reduced to mush once again. More than before, my legs spread apart and my ass is up in the air for easy access. All of that balanced in my tiptoes that are becoming numb by now.

My pussy clenches around his cock as he massages my clit and restarts to pound into me senselessly. I moan, feeling my orgasm close. Henry groans louder, throwing his head back as his hips crush against my ass, the slapping sounding immoral and loud like both of us.

His hands finally give some attention to my boobs, kneading both of them. Like an expert, he teases my hard nipples, making me shiver from pleasure and I reach down to rub myself as I feel the first sparkles of the orgasm.

Lips come in contact with the sensitive skin of my nape and I start to lose it. “Oh, my God,” I breathe out, rubbing my clit faster. “D-Daddy,” I stutter as my toes start to curl up.

“Yes, kitten. Come all over daddy’s cock,” Henry growls into my ear, fucking me harder.

“I’m so close,” I whisper, completely out of breath. “Ah!” My moan reaches a note higher when he takes over and starts to rub my clit again.

Both his hand and hips move at an absurd fast pace and I literally see stars, coming hard on his cock. My legs buckle and Henry catches me before I fall without stopping his movements. My pussy clutches him so hard that I bet he’s gonna come anytime soon.

“Aaaah! Shit.”

My eyes are screwed shut and I squeeze my thighs together. It makes my pussy tighter around Henry’s girthy shaft, making him moan, but he still doesn’t stop thrusting hard into me nor rubbing my clit. I try to move his hand away just to fail miserably.

“Come on, kitten,” He pants, holding me against his body. “I know you can do it.”

“Oh, Henry!” I nearly shout as all my muscles tense up before becoming jelly.

I come once again and my thighs feel wet. Henry finally slows down his thrusts before sliding out of me. I feel the bliss of the orgasm and, if it weren’t for his strong arms secured around my waist, I’d fall to the ground.

“You did so well, baby girl,” My boyfriend praises me.

I try to catch my breath and rest my head against his chest. “Did you come?” I ask, feeling his hard cock on my lower back.

“Not yet,” He squeezes my overly sensitive boobs.

“What?” I frown, exhausted. “What is this?” I ask, looking at the water pool on the floor that I stepped on.

Henry chuckles, feeling amused by my confusion. “You squirted, kitten,” He explains.

This surprises me. “Seriously?”

I have never done this before.

“Yeah,” He muses, balancing my weight in between his arms. “Come on,” Henry says, nudging me to climb up the stairs.

“I can’t walk,” I giggle, looking up at him from over my shoulder.

His brow is furrowed as he looks down at me with his attentive azure eyes. Then, Henry flips me around and picks me up like a doll, throwing me over his shoulder. I gasp at the slap he lands across my ass but he quickly makes it up by spreading kisses on my thigh.

The air is knocked out of my lungs once again when he throws me onto the mattress. I look up at the Greek God boyfriend that I have and smirk, running one foot over his torso. He pushes my leg down and hovers over me, taking my lips possessively in a heated kiss. I moan into his mouth and my hands slide down from his back to squeeze his ass.

However, Henry takes both of my hands and pins it down above my head. “Keep it there,” He orders. “Do not move it.”

Biting my lips, I nod while looking into his eyes. In a swift move and still pinning my hands above my head, he flips me on the mattress. A quiet squeal followed by a giggle escapes my lips and I wiggle my ass, adjusting myself in the new position. Henry kneads my butt cheeks as I feel his lips on my back and I sigh, feeling the familiar chill running down my spine once again.

He goes lower and lower until he isn’t holding my hands anymore. Bending my knees slightly, my boyfriend makes me pop my ass up, exposing my pussy to him. I let out a long and obscene moan as I feel his mouth latch onto my very sensitive core.

Henry’s tongue is merciless. He devours my pussy, licking all my juices and flicking my clit with expertise. My hands clutch at the comforter in pleasure and I moan at the vibration of his groan, pumping himself while eating me out.

“B-Baby, I’m gonna…” I start, feeling the wonderful sensation building up again. Henry simply hums and starts to massage my clit with his thumb. “Fuuuck,” The shaking begins and, in a matter of seconds, I come hard on his mouth.

Another appreciative moan comes from my man while he licks me clean. This time, he has to hold my thighs tightly so I don’t move.

My breath is rapid and I’m still feeling the aftermath of my third climax when Henry pushes into me. I instantly clench around him a bunch of times, my walls too sensitive from the intense activity it's experiencing.

“Fuck, kitten,” Henry moans into my ear, lying on top of me. “If you keep doing that, I won’t last long.”

I try to say something, but my brain is so overwhelmed by now that I can’t put together a simple phrase. And, if it was bad before, it gets worse as he starts to thrust. He picks up the speed quickly and, once again, the slapping sound of his hips hitting against my ass echoes in the room.

Henry’s moans and panting in my ear are way too much to handle and I’m coming into his cock almost right after he began ramming into me. He slows down, prolonging my fourth orgasm and adding more fire to it by nibbling my earlobe and reaching down to rub my clit.

I can’t close my legs because one of his is right between mine, but I try my best. My eyes nearly get stuck on the back of my head as I come yet again. All my muscles feel sore from tensing up and relaxing repetitively and my throat hurts from moaning.

When I think I can’t take anymore, Henry tenses above me, his thrust becoming irregular and rougher. He moans, a very dirty moan, finally coating my walls with his warm, thick load. A few more pumps and he eases out of me, giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek before he rolls off me and crashes to my side.

My body is too exhausted to move and I just stay in the same position he put me in, trying to regain my breath. Aftershocks still make my limbs tremble then and there and I feel numb.

“That was awesome,” Henry says, trying to catch his breath too. “Baby?” He asks when I don’t say anything. “Are you okay?” His hand feels cold against my skin.

“You’re a pussy destroyer,” I breathe out with my eyes closed, making him laugh.

“You squirted again,” My boyfriend points out, feeling very proud of himself.

“I figured I would,” I say, trying to move only to moan at the discomfort coming from between my legs. I end up rolling to the side, resting my back against his chest. “I won’t be able to sit for days.”

“That’s what you get from interrupting my game,” Henry says playfully, squeezing my boobs.

“Oh, I’ll do that more often, then,” I tease, making him laugh again.

[jjksblackgf]

manuka honey

pairing — jeon jungkook x black female reader genre — smut word count — 1.6k summary — “He would then ask for a dance, and later he would take you to his room, so he could bend you over and make you moan his name” warning — explicit sexual content, masturbation (f & m receiving), light choking, nipple play, food play (be careful with it), cunnilingus, light overstimulation, multiple orgasms. There’s also social gathering, but I didn’t write this with miss rona in the picture, so you better social distance, and wear your masks, lovelies.

a/n — The series is over, omg 🤧 This was a challenge for me, since the focus is only one action of the whole sex experience, so I did tons of research on how to properly eat a pussy (helped yours truly on future pussy eating, too 👀) to be more creative, but there’s a bunch of good stuff I don’t know how to put into words, I’ll work on that. And the JK chapter is my absolute favorite, it was what gave me the idea of the whole series. But I said too much already, enjoy the last one <3

Today was a new day, and Jungkook was older and he felt wiser and more confident about himself.

He entered his kitchen to see the signs of his birthday party. Champagne glasses on a tray, a few dishes on the sink, his living room with had the golden balloons, the TV was still on, connected to the karaoke machine, and other remaining trash that you’d both clean together. 

But he didn’t care about the mess just yet. He had a great night. 

As Jungkook pour milk into a cereal bowl, he remembered the last time he was behind this kitchen counter. Even if slightly drunk, he had clear memories of the night before, a beautiful birthday party that you have been planning for a couple of months, just the perfect harmony between his sophisticated side and his playful side.

His apartment was full of his closest friends and his family members, taking turns in the different games you had planned, and the karaoke machine, all while dressed as to attend a gala event. There were even hired servers with various glasses of his favorite champagne.

Behind that same counter, he took it all in, smiling to himself as he saw his favorite people talking and having fun with each other, that’s all he wanted. It didn’t even have to be his birthday for him to be this happy. 

He looked to his left and saw your body covered by the gold fabric of your dress. If you twisted just a little to the right, he would see your back almost uncovered, your melanated skin contrasting the golden spaghetti straps that were holding your dress together. At that moment he just wanted to rip those straps so the silk would fall to your ankles and your nipples would be exposed for his pleasure.

That was all hot and everything, but the way you were hosting the event was so graceful, so full of life, and you made everyone feel so welcome that he wanted to give you the world. He never felt so happy to have you in his life. You were the one who wanted to celebrate him the most, and you knew just the way to do it, without having to leave any part in the shadows.

He watched you closely that night, and at one point you were dancing with his brother in the middle of the living room, as Jimin and Taehyung sang a cheesy song. When you both locked eyes, he smiled your favorite smile, the one when his nose is about to scrunch but it’s not there yet, and the corners of his mouth make his eyes look smaller.

He would then ask for a dance, and later he would take you to his room, so he could bend you over and make you moan his name. He didn’t care if anyone listened to his grunts or your screams of pleasure, there were enough lough music and conversation to muffle that up, and as he chews his cereal he wishes he would go back to last night just to make you scream louder, he wanted people to know how good he made you feel.

He leaned on the counter after finishing his cereal and took a deep breath. He then listened to you wake up in his room, opening the door and walking through the hall.

“Good morning, birthday man” you said and hugged his side. He looped his arm against your hips and kissed your forehead, feeling through his stolen button-up shirt that you weren’t wearing any panties. Interesting.

He waisted no time placing you on top of the counter, moving your legs to hug his hips. He closed the space between your lips, gripping your waist to move you closer. His tongue slowly made its way towards yours, liking the taste of your toothpaste when they finally met. 

Your hands went to hug his neck, one hand traveling through his hair to tug strongly. He moaned in your lips, holding you closer to his chest, wishing you could just be glued to his body. His hands went to grab your ass underneath his shirt as yours traveled through his naked chest, choosing to stay at his abs.

His lips separated from yours and you whined asking for more. He couldn’t say no to you, moving back to where he thought was his rightful place. 

You bit his lower lip with a more sensual moan, your hands traveling down to meet the hem of his boxers. You both laughed when you grabbed his ass, but his grip only got tighter on yours. 

His lips went to your neck, placing wet kisses in every inch he could reach, you hugged his neck again, this time slightly scratching his shoulders. 

“Keep it there, baby” you whispered in his ear when he kissed your sweet spot.

He continued his kisses and sucking of the spot, practically making out with your neck when one of his hands released the grip from your ass and went to the side of your neck. Your hands were now back on his hips, one hand holding his boxer down and the other reached for his hard dick, earning a growl from his lips and a bite to your neck.

You licked the palm of your hand before placing it at the tip of his cock. He hissed at the touch and leaned back so he could look at you. “You’ll be the death of me, I swear” he said as he looked at the marks he left on you, leaving his hand in choking position.

You could now easily feel the pool between your legs forming as he lightly tightens the grip on your neck. You licked your lips as you moved your hand to massage the rest of his length.

You two were now playing a pressure game. He would grip your neck as tight as you’d grip his dick, both enjoying the changes along the way. You then used your other hand to cup and massage his balls.

“Fuck!” you started to pick up the pace, wanting to see his morning cum dripping down your hands. 

“Baby, wait” he said and you stopped your movements. “You already did a lot for me in this week alone, let show you how much I appreciate you” Before you could protest, his lips were back on yours, and he started to unbutton the shirt, grazing his hand from your hips to cup your breasts.

You started to take the shirt on, but he stopped you, wanting you to leave them on. After massaging your tits, he moved some things around to lay you on the counter. He reached for your nipple with his mouth, cupping with perfectly. He switched between sucking and licking multiple times before reaching for a container of honey you liked to leave at his counter.

“What the hell are you doing?” You asked as he dripped the honey on your body

“Shh, just relax and enjoy the moment” he said with a big smile and moved the honey aside, not closing it as he planned to use it later.

He licked the honey he placed on your body that started on your belly and trailed to both your breasts. After he reached the last nipple, he stayed on it a bit longer, the suction making you tug his hair again. You arched your back and moaned his name at the moment he bit your nipple.

He then left your breasts and placed your feet at the counter, leaving your legs perfectly open. He dipped his thumb in the honey container and placed it back at your clit. He liked for you to have a lot of sensations, so he often switched between circling, moving it side to side, and up and down, if he had time he would write a few things on your clit, one letter at a time.

But he was really curious about the recipe he just created, wanting to taste the mixture of the honey with your arousal. So without warning, he leaned himself over you and licked your folds starting at your entrance. If wasn’t the taste he expected, he thought it would be sweeter than this, but the honey complimented you perfectly. Of course it would, it was you, for God’s sake! 

You tugged his hair again, deep breaths and his name were leaving your lips. His salivating mouth lubricated your clit even more as he licked you up and down, opening your legs wider by your thighs.

You reached for one of your sticky breasts and massaged it as he continued his mouth work. He was switching techniques again but chose the one you always responded to the best. He decided to speed it up and saw your toes curling by his side. Looking into your eyes, he saw your expression as you came on his chin, and your walls clenched, deciding not to stop his speed and increase the pressure of his tongue on your sensitive bud.

You screamed his name after the third release of your knot and he only stopped because you tugged his hair out of your core, breathing heavily.

“Were you ever going to stop?” You asked trying to catch your breath, sitting up straight again.

“No, I knew that at one point you would ask for mercy” he laughed as you slapped his bare shoulder.

“Did you have to use my expensive honey?” you asked looking at the container left by your side

“Your pussy already tastes like a gourmet meal at a restaurant rated 3 Michelin stars, might as well season with something expensive” he said as you snort out a laugh

“Boy, you did NOT just say you seasoned me!”

[carolina-bleus]

~Something You Read: From Rick to Michonne~

“I cannot believe he actually logged into class this morning from his bed! I think he’d just woken up like five minutes before. He could barely hold his eyes open and had bed hair and everything. Who even does that?” Michonne scoffed.

Rick chuckled. “That sounds exactly like something Shane would do.”

“Mr. Horvath even had to tell him to put on a shirt...which got a lot of grumbling from some of the girls.”

“You included?”

Rick outright laughed at the look of disgust Michonne shot him through his phone’s screen.

“Richard Sutton Grimes, I am offended! You know I have better taste than that. No offense to Shane, but it would have to be the end of the world and we’d have to be the last hope for continuation of the human race before I’d even consider him anything other than a smug nuisance.”

“Ouch! So I’ll take that as a no.”

“Take that as a hell no!”

“Michonne Colette Richardson with the potty mouth! I’m gonna tell your mama and daddy.”

“What’s the worst that could happen? I get grounded and confined to the house and not allowed to go out with my friends? Too late, Miss Rona already beat them to that,” Michonne replied glumly.

“Yeah, it sucks. I can’t believe this is how we’re spending our senior year of high school. I thought everything would be back to normal by now.”

“I don’t even know what normal is anymore.  I certainly hope this isn’t our new normal...going to school online, not being able to hang out and only seeing each other “face to face” through a screen in class or during phone calls.”

“I never thought I’d say this...and if you tell my mama, I’ll deny it...but I actually miss school. Not the work,” Rick quickly added. “I miss interacting with everybody, even Eugene and his mullet.”

“Really, Rick? Of all the classmates you could name, you pick Eugene...and his mullet...and not me?”

“You know you’re not just my classmate. You’re my best friend, Michonne. Of course I miss you.”

More than you even know, Rick thought.

“I miss you, too. The two of us haven’t been in the same space in what feels like forever and I’m over it. We don’t even get to go the mountains for Christmas this year,” Michonne lamented.

The Grimes and Richardson families were extremely close. The teens’ parents grew up together in King County and had been close long before Rick and Michonne were born. The families had been planning to spend Christmas break in a vacation home rented out for the holidays. But, now instead of a big Christmas celebration in the mountains, the families were doing as they had for Thanksgiving and keeping their celebrations small and confined to immediate family. Gift giving was even different this year.

The families decided to keep it simple and follow a modified version of the five-gift rule. Each household pulled the name of someone from the other household. The gift recipient told the gift giver what category they wanted their gift to represent. Luckily, Rick and Michonne pulled each other’s names. But even if they hadn’t, they would have managed to get a gift for each other a gift anyway. Michonne wanted “something you read” and Rick asked for “something you want.” Michonne’s gift was already wrapped and ready on Rick’s nightstand.

The canceled vacation and altered holiday routines were just another reminder of how different things were this year. Rick and Michonne had been inseparable since they were babies. They’d seen each other just about every day before pandemic brought their in-person interactions to a halt. The physical separation was something neither teen had really gotten used to even after so many months.

Michonne sighed. “You think it will be like this when we get older if everything does go back to normal and we can get on with our lives?”

“What do you mean?” Rick asked.

“We’re about to go off to college in some form or another and start the next phase of our lives. Do you think this is what it will be like...never seeing each other except through calls or whenever there is a holiday?”

“You think we’re going to grow apart?” Rick asked with a tilt of his head.

Michonne shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope not. But I never thought I’d live through a pandemic either. Life’s funny that way.”

“I know you want to explore the world and go to all these exciting places during and after college. But what about later? Do you think you’ll come back home? To your family?”

To me?

Rick had been in love with his best friend for as long as he could remember. He’d never quite found the words to tell her. He thought maybe he’d ask her to prom and do it then but prom most likely wasn’t going to happen this year. Rick worried if he’d even get the chance to hug Michonne again before they went off to different colleges next fall.

“You mean come back home to live?”

Rick nodded. “Yeah.”

“Is that what you’re going to do...come back home after college?”

“That’s been the plan.”

“Have you ever thought about living somewhere else?”

“Not really...but I guess I would for the right reason.”

And the right person.

“What reason would that be?”

You.

Rick shrugged. “I guess I’ll know when I know.”

Michonne looked away briefly before clearing her throat. “Oh...well, we don’t have to worry about that for a little while longer, anyway.  Soon it will be Christmas break. And then it will be New Year’s Eve and we can put this hellish year behind us and start looking forward to the future...wherever that takes us.”

“Michonne, I---

A knock sounded on Rick’s door.  It opened and his mom stood in the doorway.

“Honey, I know it’s distance learning but you still need to get some rest for tomorrow. Michonne, you do as well,” Mrs. Grimes added, knowing without question who Rick was talking to this late.

“Yes ma’am,” the teens replied in unison.

“Alright. Goodnight you two. Love you both.”

“Goodnight, Mama.”

“Goodnight, Auntie Suzanne.”

Once his mother closed the door behind her, Rick turned back to the screen.

“Rick, what were you about to say before?”

“Oh...umm...just that I hope you like the Christmas gift I got you.”

“You always pick out the best gifts, so I’m not worried. Well, I guess we better head to bed. Talk to you in the morning before classes?”

“Of course. Goodnight, Michonne.”

“Goodnight, Rick.”

The best friends ended their call and Rick slouched down with a sigh. He had been about to confess his feelings to Michonne right then and there. Her conversation about them growing apart scared him. He didn’t want to lose her.

But what if telling her how I feel pushes her away?

Needing to get his feelings off his chest somehow, Rick tore a piece of paper from his notebook, grabbed a pen and began to write.

Dear Michonne,

You’ve been my best friend since before we could talk and I hope you remain so even after I tell you what’s in my heart. Michonne, I love you...I’m in love with you. Whew! It feels good to FINALLY say that. I’ve loved you since...well, honestly, I can’t think of a time when I didn’t love you in some way.  Every moment that’s meant something in my life has had you in it...holding my hand when I was scared on our very first day of school, when you helped me study for and win the spelling bee in third grade, when we took down the school bully, Phillip, on the playground in fifth grade, being each other’s first kiss in sixth grade and each other’s date for our first high school dance, sitting and crying with me when my grandpa died from the virus, stressing about applying to college early decision and celebrating together when we both got into our dream schools. The serious moments, the fun moments and everything in between...you’ve been there.  And somewhere along the way, my love for you grew beyond friendship.

I can be my whole self with you because you bring out the best of who I am and you inspire me to want to be even better.  You’re the one person I can tell anything and everything to without hesitation. You’re the only person I want to tell everything to. So, you’re probably wondering why I never told you how I feel. Well, I haven’t told you for the same reason your question about us drifting apart scared me...I don’t want to lose you. I can’t imagine...I don’t want to imagine...us not being in each other’s lives. I didn’t want to risk pushing you away or making you feel weird. I still don’t want that. But this year has taught me more than ever that life is short, time is precious and you have to let the people in your lives always know how you truly feel about them while you can.

Whatever you feel for me, please know that your happiness and our friendship are the most important things to me. And I want us to always remain friends, and in each other’s lives, whether or not we ever become a couple. I know we’ll be walking different paths for the next few years, but I hope those paths always lead us back to each other.

This is my first love confession I’ve ever written so I’m not really sure how to end it. I guess, thank you for reading it.

Love always,

Rick

P.S.- If you don’t feel the same way, you don’t have to say anything. We can just pretend this never happened.

Finished, Rick neatly folded the paper in half, wrote Michonne’s name on the front, and placed it on his nightstand beside Michonne’s gift.

Now the question remains if I’ll ever give it to her.

*****

Before Rick knew it, there was only one more week until school let out for the holiday break. He’d decided to have a change of scenery and attended school in his dad’s study today. Returning to his room, Rick plopped down on his bed and reached for his phone that he’d left on the nightstand. To his horror, the phone was there, but Michonne’s gift...and more importantly, Michonne’s note...were both gone.

“MAMA!”

“What?! Why are you yelling?”

“Mama, where’s Michonne’s gift?”

“Your Aunt Sheila and I did our socially distanced gift exchange this afternoon. I dropped their gifts off on their porch and ours were waiting there in a box. I already put them under the tree.”

“So you got Michonne’s gift from me off of my table?”

“Yes.”

“What happened to the piece of paper that was there as well?”

“Well, it had Michonne’s name on it, so I put it in a nice envelope...since you neglected to do so...and added it to her present.”

“Oh, Mama, you didn’t,” Rick groaned.

“Yes, I did. It was beside Michonne’s gift. It had her name on it. It was meant for her right?”

“Yes, ma’am. It was.”

“So why are you looking like I just destroyed your world?”

Because you may just accidentally have.

“Uh...it’s nothing,” Rick hedged. “I uh...I just wanted to exchange gifts in person.”

Mrs. Grimes nodded sympathetically.

“I know sweetie. We all wanted to do that this year, but we have to take the necessary precautions to keep everyone safe.”

Unfortunately, my heart might have just become collateral damage.

The morning after he wrote it, Rick had decided not to give Michonne the letter. He still felt the same way, but he just couldn’t run the risk of his confession altering their friendship in a negative way. However, now all he could do was wait and hope Michonne didn’t take an early peek at her gifts like she used to do when they were kids.

Rick looked at the date on his phone...December 10...fifteen days until Michonne opened the letter. He smiled wistfully at his lock screen.  It was picture of him and Michonne that she forced him to take on the last day they saw each other before their world got turned on its head. They were lounging in the hammock in his family’s backyard just talking about their hopes for senior year and beyond. It had been a perfect afternoon. He’d almost told her how he felt then but backed out at the last minute. Now the decision to tell had been taken out of his hands.

Man, I hope I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life.

 *****

As the days to Christmas dwindled down, Rick didn’t notice a change in Michonne or their interactions. They still spoke every morning and every night and she acted the same as always. Rick didn’t know if that meant she hadn’t yet read the letter or that she had and was just not saying anything because didn’t have any romantic feelings for him.

Rick had tried to bribe Michonne’s younger brother, Noah, to find and destroy the letter. But that ended in utter failure. Noah couldn’t find the letter and he got yelled at by Michonne for snooping around her room. But Noah was true to his word (and the fifty dollars Rick sent to his cash app) and never implicated Rick in the plot.

~Christmas Eve~

Rick’s nerves were shot.

One more day until I know if I need to ask to go live with Granny Grimes down in Florida to finish out senior year.

Rick hadn’t spoken to Michonne at all today, which was a rarity.

Maybe she’s avoiding me.

Rick trudged glumly down the stairs so lost in thought that the sudden ringing of the doorbell scared him.

“Did y’all order food?” Rick called out to his family.

“No! It might be a package though,” his father yelled back.

Assuming the delivery person left the package on the porch, Rick pulled open the door without hesitation. He nearly fell over when he saw who was waiting.

“Michonne?! What are you doing here?” Rick started to push open the storm door, but caught himself. “Wait, a second.”

Rick grabbed his mask off the hallway table and put it on before stepping outside. The teens stood on opposite ends of the porch.

Michonne offered a small wave. “Hey, Rick. I came over because I wanted to see you.”

“Why? It must be important if you came in person.”

Oh, man. Is she going to break my heart in person?

“I promise to explain. But, first, I need you to answer some questions.”

“Questions? Why?”

“You’ll see.” Michonne pulled out her phone and unlocked it. “Okay, have you experienced any of the following recently...fever, cough, or headaches?”

“No.”

“Good. Fatigue...muscle or body aches...loss of taste or smell?”

“No.”

“Sore throat...nausea...diarrhea?”

“Michonne!”

“Rick, just answer the question.”

“No.”

“Has anyone in your family experienced those symptoms recently?”

Rick shook his head. “No.”

“Where have you been in the past fourteen days?”

“I’ve been home.” Stressing out over a letter.

“You haven’t gone anywhere outside? Not even to the grocery store?”

“Other than the porch or backyard, I’ve been in the house.”

“Good. I’ve haven’t gone anywhere for the past fourteen days either. I’ve been in the house and avoiding anyone who doesn’t live in my house...basically a self-imposed quarantine.”

“Why?”

“So I could do this.”

Michonne removed her mask and walked over to Rick.  She reached up and removed his mask, smiling at the question in his eyes before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on his lips. After a moment of shocked delay, Rick quickly responded by wrapping his arms around Michonne and deepening the kiss.

Needing a breath and a moment to process it all, the couple slowly broke off their kiss and stared at each other with twin smiles on their faces.

“I take it you read the letter?” Rick asked.

Michonne nodded. “Exactly fourteen days ago.”

“You read it the first night?! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I’ve never had anyone confess their love for me before...at least not outside of a daydream. I needed time some time to deal.”

“And do you feel the same way?”

“Rick, I quarantined for fourteen days just so I could kiss you. What do you think that means?”

“Maybe I just want to hear you say it.”

Michonne rolled her eyes but couldn’t keep the smile off of her face.

“I love you, too, Rick.”

“Romantically?”

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

“For as long as I can remember.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Michonne shrugged. “It’s the same reason you didn’t. I was scared and I didn’t want to lose you in case you didn’t feel the same way.”

“But we both feel the same way. So...we’re a couple?”

“Almost. There is something you have to say first.”

“What?” Then it dawned on Rick and he flushed, suddenly shy. “I wrote it in the letter.”

“Maybe I just want to hear you say it.”

Rick chuckled at his words being thrown back at him, before he turned serious.

“I love you, Michonne.”

Michonne’s face lit up with a smile that took Rick’s breath away.

“Now, we’re a couple,” she declared.

Rick took Michonne’s hand and led her over to the porch swing.  The couple drew close under the blanket Rick’s mom kept there for the chilly winter nights.

“Guess I won’t have to open any gifts tomorrow.”

“What do you mean?” Michonne questioned.

“Christmas came early. I have everything I want now.”

Michonne smiled and pulled Rick into a hug.  When they separated, a sudden question occurred to Rick.

“Hey, did you open my actual gift I got you to read?” Rick asked.

“Not yet, I was waiting until tomorrow. I only opened the letter because I thought it was a card. I’m glad I didn’t wait though because that letter was truly the best thing I’ve read in my entire life.”

Rick blushed happily at Michonne’s words. 

“Well, maybe you’ll read something even better one day.”

“Like what?”

“Our wedding vows.”

Michonne’s eyes widened before she smiled sweetly, “Yeah, maybe one day.”

The couple shared another kiss before they cuddled against each other and slowly rocked in the swing, enjoying the Christmas lights shining across the neighborhood.

@richonnefics

[didsomeonesaydaddydraco]

What true love feels like part 2 | Tom Felton imagine

Ladies and gentlemen, here is the second part. It’s shorter, but I hope you like it. I’m not completely satisfied with it, and I didn’t have the energy to proofread (thank you ms rona), but I’ll do it as soon as possible. 

Tag list: @abrunettefangirlnerd Let me know if you’d like to be on the tag list! 

Word count: 1700 

Pairing: Tom Felton x reader

Part 1 here

One of the most emotional parts of a wedding must be the moment when the bride shows up at the entrance with her father by her side, ready to walk down the beautifully decorated and lit aisle. All eyes were on me and my Dad. I saw the happy and proud faces of our family members and friends. Men were smiling, women were fighting with their tears. Tears. Just a couple of minutes ago I was going the same, fighting them. Everyone cries at weddings, right?

“Are you sure about this?” Dad’s voice was concerned. He felt something was not right after I came out of the dressing room with tear stained cheeks and red eyes “Y/N, it’s not late to…”

“No, I’m fine” I shook my head and kept my eyes on the guests “I want to marry him, Dad”

The first accords of our chosen song had started, and I knew it was time. I was holding on my Dad’s arm as we took the first step.

 *Tom’s POV*

I knew I had to let it all go. The way she kissed me, the way she smelled, the way she touched my hand and pulled me in. I had to let it go and I had to let her go. After she broke the line, I found myself standing in the very same spot I was when I saw her calling me. My heart broke. I knew this day was going to come sooner or later. I knew the date of their wedding, but I would have never imagine the pain I was feeling. It was that moment, when I could actually feel the pain in my chest from hearing her smooth voice telling me she needs to marry him.

I loved her. All my friends said I was making the wrong choice by loving someone who was engaged, but I loved her. When we met, I promised myself I would never fall in love with her. But it was 3 am, and we were laughing way too hard, and I felt happy for the first time in a long time, and I knew I was screwed.

“Thomas, I swear to God, I’m not baking anything with you ever again” her laughter filled my kitchen. It was one of the most beautiful sounds ever “How did we end up like this?”

I looked at the mess we’d made. Sugar, flour and baby blue icing covered the countertops, the floor and our faces and clothes. We were sitting on the cold marble floor, between the kitchen island and the counters, an almost empty bottle of wine chilling in front of us.

“Well, darling” I grabbed the bottle and took a sip from it “You decided to boss around in MY kitchen, thinking you know better how to bake MY OWN cookies, so as a Master Chef, I wanted to teach you a lesson”

“By pouring most of the ingredients on my head?” she raised her eyebrows at me. She tried to look angry, but the sparkle in her eyes gave her away. I looked at her mouth. She bit her lip to keep herself from smiling, but she failed. God, I wanted to kiss her so badly.

“If you have a better idea to do at 3 am, don’t keep it. I’m up for everything” I winked at her teasingly. I still didn’t know how this happened. We were talking on the phone, both of us being bored and out of blue, I asked her if she wanted to come over to bake cookies. And she wanted. She seriously got in her car, and half an hour later she was knocking on my door. When I opened it, there she was, still in her pyjamas and two bottles of wine in her hands.

“Well, I can think of a few things” she scooted closer to me, her bare legs brushing against mine. My nose was filled with her amazing scent, and I felt the warmth of her body. Her face was a few inches away from mine, and my brain decided to shut down. She could have done anything to me that moment. Even kill me, and still, it would have made me the happiest man in the whole world “For example, we can open that second wine, cause it looks like you have a serious wine problem” she sadly looked at the empty bottle, which she just took away from my hands and stood up. I looked up and followed her every move. God, it was 3 am, and I just realised I was foolishly in love with that woman.

I told myself so many times to start to move on. She was planning her wedding. She wasn’t my girl. But I think part of the reason why I was still holding on to her so tight was that I feared that something so great wasn’t going to happen twice.

“Willow?” I looked around for the dark brown dog, who’d been by my side for years. I really needed her in that moment “C’mon darling”

I kneeled down when I saw her running up to me. I only realised I was crying when she started to lick the salty tears away. It was pathetic really, how much I was still hoping that some miracle was going to happen and it’s going to be Y/N and me in the end.

“What do you say, buddy?” I scratched the spot behind her ear “Do you think we should go and crash a wedding?”

*Y/N’s POV*

I kept looking at the door. Everything had been a blur since I walked down the aisle, and my Dad placed my hand into Aaron’s. My mind was somewhere else. Far from the mansion where my own wedding was held. My eyes were maniacally searching for something in the ball room and I felt like something muffled my hearing. I wasn’t paying any attention to the beautiful speech that the registrar had prepared for us. I could feel my parents’ eyes on me, along with their worry too. From the corner of my eye, I saw my sister kept looking at me and our parents, sensing that something was really not right.

“Do you, Aaron Samuel, take thee Y/N Y/M/N to be your wedded wife?” the kind voice of our wedding registrar asked my fiancé. I forced myself to look up at him, smiling down at me with love and pride in his deep brown eyes. He really was a beautiful man. In and out. I could still remember the day when I fall in love with those dark chocolate eyes and light brown hair and perfect smile. But the truth is, I wanted to look into electric blue eyes.

And looking at Aaron, opening his eyes to take me as his wife, I knew I made a mistake when I let the things to slip out of my control. I should have called the wedding off, the moment I realised I was in love with someone else. But it was too late. I was unfaithful, and a part of me knew, that he knew too. I was a coward to tell him. I should have told him. Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

“I do” his voice was strong and determined. He knew he wanted this. He was ready to be married, to settle down. Tears blurred my vision. I was going to hurt this angel.

“And do you, Y/N Y/M/N, take thee Aaron Samuel to be your wedded husband?” all eyes were on me. I felt like I was drowning. I wanted to answer. I really wanted, but no matter how many times I opened my mouth, no voice was coming out of it.

I was desperately looking around the room. My whole body was shaking from fear and from the withhold sobs. Suddenly, my dress felt too tight, like it was trying to suffocate me if I didn’t say yes. I looked at my parents, who have been already looking at me, ready to catch me if I need them to. My sister was looking around too, like she was searching for someone. Probably a medical, who can help if I fainted. Confusion and worry was written all the faces, nobody knew why I was speechless.

“Honey?” Aaron squeezed my hand gently, trying to catch my attention finally. I looked at him. His handsome face was blurry because of my tears, but I could still see the pain in his eyes.

In that very moment, the door opened. Everyone turned to the voice of an opening door. He was there. No tuxedo, no fancy suit. He actually looked like he just woke up a couple of minutes ago. I didn’t care how he looked. For me, he was like an angle sent from Heaven to save me. He was my sign of freedom. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. His smile and his nod was enough for me to understand what he wanted. I looked at my Dad, who winked at me and gestured towards him with his head.

Aaron. Such a beautiful man. Such a pure soul. And the second I let go of his hand, I broke him into a million pieces. His heart, his trust and his soul. Once I promised him eternity. I made him believe I will never break his heart. But I betrayed him. Not once, not twice but so many times I couldn’t actually remember anymore.

“I’m terribly sorry” was all I could say to him. It felt like everything was in slow motion. I grabbed the bottom of my dress and ran. I didn’t look back. I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to see the damage I had left behind. I just wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere, but the huge mansion.

I grabbed his hand when I reached the huge door and pulled him with myself. His car was there, ready for us. Ready, to take me away from this madness. It was only when I was sitting in his car, when I let my sobs out.

“Everything is going to be fine”  

Part 3?

[genesisrose74]

A/n: Alright if you can’t already figure out I am very much a simp for adorable sweethearts cause they’re just so cute!! Literally take all my uwus— anywho here’s some quarantine headcanons for best boy Izuku Midoriya! I might make quarantine hc’s a small series for the boys of Class 1-A because I had a really fun time writing this, but we’ll see! I included a bit of background at the beginning as well so enjoy!!

So you’re in Class 1-B at UA High, and the first time you officially met Izuku was at the sports festival

During the cavalry battle you had snagged points from Bakugo’s team and he was incredibly impressed with you despite the fact that your group fell short of making the one on one battle round

You may or may not have become intrigued with him during the obstacle race and your curiosity only grew from there

Monoma got upset with you because you were so focused on Izuku almost the entire festival

“Are you seriously fawning over our rivals?”

Cue you elbowing him in the side and scolding him for being so hostile (yes you and Kendo get along swimmingly)

When he saw you around later that day he asked you about your quirk and you were happy to talk with him! You offered to get ice cream while you walked and he was ecstatic because not only was your quirk awesome, but you were also one of the prettiest girls Izuku had ever seen and he was trying not to get too flustered

Poor boy basically got hounded by Monoma when he saw you two walking around the festival together and Kendo had to physically drag the blonde away while mustering out a handful of apologies

Y’all became good friends very quickly and you and Izuku would alternate eating with each other’s friend groups at lunch - the Dekusquad loves you

Izuku ended up meeting your parents unexpectedly after the forest training camp incident, as they worked as some of the head doctors at the hospital and were well acquainted with OFA (your dad attended UA in the support class at the same time Toshinori was enrolled!! He worked closely with Recovery Girl during his years there)

Izuku had stepped in to help you at the training camp during the attack, so your parents were thanking him constantly for protecting their daughter.

You ended up asking him out pretty soon after that because he was always so selfless and kind, not to mention the most adorable person you had ever met

Decided to keep it very lowkey just because of the class rivalry and all the craziness going on

Anyways when Miss ‘Rona starts up you’ve been dating for a few months now and Izuku’s mom and your parents each adore y’all already

So UA makes the announcement that students should stay at home for a while so that they can clean out the campus and make sure everything is safe for use, so that means everyone is moving out of the dorms for the time being

Your parents are worried because even though you all got tested and the results were negative, they don’t want to put you at risk as they’re traveling to and from the hospital each day, so Izuku’s mother being the sweetheart she is offers to have you stay at their place

So the Midoriya fam gets tested and all is good except that Izuku is freaking out

He knows it’s fine because there’s a guest room and you’ve been to his house on many, many occasions but oH My GoSH sHe’S bASiCalLy gOiNG tO LiVe wiTh mE

Sweet baby is a blushing mess when his mom tells him you’re coming over and he bolts to clean everything and make sure you’ll be comfortable

Folds your favorite hoodie that you steal all the time and puts it on the guest room bed…SWEETHEART

He knows you’re worried about your parents so he wants to do his best to make sure you’re alright

And let me just say that this child is best boy like?? Always tidies his room and helps Momma Midoriya out around the house! It’s the cutest thing ever

If you’re not the best with online classes he’s sat next to you on your bed and explaining stuff to you.

You get a question right? Nose kissies. No exceptions. You’re getting rewarded for your hard work

He’s super respectful of your space too — he will never enter your room or the bathroom without knocking and making sure you’re not caught off guard

But believe it or not this little broccoli gets into very clingy moods and will absolutely pull you into his side while he’s doing homework on the couch or when you’re making a snack in the kitchen.

Cuddles are mandatory at least three times a day, and when he gets this way you’re basically immobile the entire afternoon

P l e a s e kiss the scars on his hands I am begging you

Movie nights in his room all the time. Y’all eat up romantic comedies and literally anything Disney.

Sometimes you fall asleep on his chest during the movie and the boy c o m b u s t s at how completely adorable you look.

His mom has dozens of pictures of you both. She hardcore ships it.

Since y’all have classes at differing times, you’ll sometimes come into his room while he’s on a Zoom call and discreetly put a plate of snacks on his desk to keep him focused. He gives you the softest look whenever you do it’s so precious-

You try to avoid the camera at all costs though, since no one at school knows you’re both dating, let alone currently staying in the same house

One time his classmates asked who was in his room and he choked on air before sputtering out that it was his mother.

To his relief everyone believed it, but after he muted his mic again you were practically wheezing on the other side of the room at how freaked out he got

***

You knock lightly on Izuku’s bedroom door, quietly slipping in when you hear a faint “come in” from the other side. A plate of fruit is balanced in one hand while the other one closes the door behind you, and you are met with the sight of your boyfriend listening to another one of Aizawa’s lectures. He looks a bit tired, with his head propped up on his hand and pencil tapping on his desktop. You smiled to yourself, knowing that this time of the afternoon was around the middle of his daily classes and he was running out of steam - hence the snacks you brought.

You gently place the plate beside Izuku and glance at his screen to find his microphone off. He looks over to you with an appreciative smile before reaching for a piece of honeydew.

“How are you doing, baby?” you ask, giggling when he groans in exasperation.

“Staring at this screen for so long is hurting my brain,” he sighs as he pops the fruit into his mouth. “Thank you for the food.”

“Not a problem. My next class isn’t for another hour so if you need anything else let me know.”

The boy reaches out for your hand, and your eyes briefly flick to the camera to make sure you’re still out of view, but you let him lace his fingers with yours.

“Could you sit with me for a bit then?” he requests, looking up to you with pleading emerald eyes.

You smile softly at his behavior. “Only if I get to have some of this fruit plate.”

“Deal.”

You take up the space on the floor besides Izuku’s chair, leaning your head against his side. His computer’s camera angle only showed him from the shoulders up, and the aspiring pro hero absentmindedly brushed a hand through your hair as he focused back on the lecture. You pulled out your phone to keep yourself occupied while your boyfriend worked during the class, occasionally reaching out to snag another piece of fruit from atop his desk.

The room was filled with the comfortable sounds of pen against paper and the fan whirring softly overhead, and you perked your head up as Izuku answered a question Aizawa had asked a moment prior. The corners of his mouth raised into a small smile when he was deemed correct. You teasingly pressed a quick kiss to his side which caused him to jolt in surprise and glance over to you.

“What was that for?” he chuckled, a hint of a blush adorning his face.

“You got the question right,” you smiled back at him cheekily. “That’s your reward.”

He scoffed playfully. “You’re such a dork.”

“Maybe, but you like that I’m a dork.”

Izuku shook his head with a grin, grabbing a strawberry from the plate on his desk and holding it out to you. You gladly took a bite of the sweet fruit that had been sprinkled with bits of sugar.

“I think I deserve a slightly better prize for answering correctly, though,” he shrugged, lifting the strawberry to his mouth — that was now practically the same shade of red as his face.

“Oh yeah? What might that be?” you hummed, eyebrow arched.

“Not sure exactly. I was just thinking out loud.”

“Maybe I’ll kiss you properly when you’re not on a class Zoom call, weirdo.”

“Uh, hey Midoriya? Who are you talking to?”

Both yours and Izuku’s faces morphed into mortified realization at the voice coming from his computer.

He forgot to mute himself after answering Aizawa’s question, getting distracted by your antics. And everyone had just heard him. Flirting with you.

Welp.

The voice who had spoken and saved you two from further embarrassment belonged to Kaminari, and the rest of the class was quick to follow up with their own questions as they unmuted themselves one by one. Izuku looked at you with apologetic eyes, and you only let out a soft laugh and waved your hand nonchalantly, the initial shock of the situation already leaving you. The boy tilted his head in question: ‘want to say hello?’ You nodded in response, standing up so you were now in view of the computer’s camera.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” you laughed awkwardly, watching everyone’s screens as Class 1-A’s jaws dropped.

“Woah, you’re from Class 1-B right?” Kirishima spoke up. You nodded in affirmation.

“What’re you doing at Midoriya’s house?” Asui inquired.

“Midoriya, are you not exercising proper social distancing guidelines?” Iida chimed in, with his typical Class Representative concern.

Izuku was growing more flustered by the second as numerous students bombarded you with questions. You gently placed a hand on his shoulder which seemed to somewhat ease his embarrassment.

Aizawa had decided to use this opportunity to take a nap, saying he didn’t care what you students did so long as the class was done with this little predicament by the time he woke up. So now, the floor solely belonged to you both.

“Alrighty, so I’ll try to keep this short and quick,” you started, looking to Izuku with a small smile. “My parents are doctors at the local hospital and since they wanted to make sure I stayed healthy, I’m currently living at Izuku’s place. Yeah, we’ve been tested and are fine, and yes Iida, we’re still maintaining clean and healthy lifestyles around the house to play it safe. And finally, yes, we are dating. Pretty sure that covers it.”

“Like hell it does!” Mina exclaimed, leaning towards her camera excitedly. She had been missing some long awaited drama. “How long have you two been dating?”

“A handful of months now,” Izuku spoke up, hiding his burning face in your sweater.

“You’re joking! And you didn’t tell anyone?” Momo gasped, quite a fan of the occasional dramatics herself.

“It was kind of a crazy time after the whole summer camp fiasco, so we didn’t feel like bringing it up then would have been right,” you explained, patting the top of Izuku’s head. “After that, we just never really got around to saying anything.”

“So you’re telling me that Midoriya scored a hottie from 1-B and not the rest of us guys?” Mineta huffed. You laughed when Izuku secured his arms around your waist at the comment.

“Mineta, no,” he scolds, although his voice is muffled by the fabric of your clothing.

“Aww, I think someone’s properly embarrassed now,” you cooed. “I should probably be taking my leave then.”

“But there are so many more questions we could ask!” Mina whines, and a number of the students nod in agreement.

You giggle at the class’ curiosity. “Maybe another time. This might be all Zuku can take at the moment.”

The boy in question lifted his head to look at you, blush still alight on his freckled cheeks.

“Sorry about all this,” he apologizes.

You shake your head with a small smile. “It’s all fine and done. Don’t even worry about it. We were going to let them know eventually.”

You take his face in your hands and press a kiss on Izuku’s forehead. He pouts, his eyes averted to his lap. “You missed.”

With a playful roll of your eyes, you lean down to peck Izuku’s lips. The gesture is met with a chorus of awwing over the class Zoom call, only opposed by a gagging Bakugo and a salty Mineta.

“Alrighty, that’s enough public affection in front of your friends for today,” you joke, and you leave a furiously blushing Izuku to deal with the rest of the class on his own.

Safe to say you were drowned in cuddles and many, many kisses as soon as the call ended.

[likefacesaretohearts]

Close in Quarantine

Category - friends to lovers trope

Warnings - smut, unprotected sex

Word count: 1486

Hi y'all! This is my first fic on this page so I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. I want this to be a place to have fun and where WOC can see themselves reflected in fics. Much love!

Chris was saying the usual goodbyes and thank yous that occur at the end of an interview. Because everything was being done over Zoom and the video lagged even with the best of WiFi, there was the awkward overlapping of him and the interviewer talking at the same time. Once he was in the clear and was sure the call was off, he let out a big sigh and closed his laptop.

"I swear they ask the same questions every press run I do,” he said.

You emerge from the kitchen with a cold beer in hand, finally able to go into the living room. Chris didn't want you wandering around in the background while he was on the Zoom call because he knew that if anyone caught a glimpse of you, social media and the gossip blogs would be alight with rumors of Chris Evans and His Mysterious New Flame. In reality, you weren't together. Neither of you were really sure what you were, but there was certainly an ember of attraction there that had been building since you started quarantining together.

“Why don't you let me ask you the questions then,” you tease as you plop down on the couch near him.

“I have to polish up my singing voice, maybe work on my choreography first, huh?” he said.

You were a music journalist, so you spent your work days talking to rockstars and the most polished pop stars about their lives and music then cranking out long form articles for their fans and haters alike to read. Chris came over and sat next to you on the couch with his arm resting on the back of the couch behind you. Being this close to him made you nervous but you didn't mind...it was a bit of a rush. He’d started singing a song purposefully off key, taking the beer from your hand and using it as a microphone.

“You are no Mariah Carey, sir,” you said, trying not to give him the satisfaction of cracking a smile..

He knocked back some sips of your beer and you try to grab it from him to no avail. He playfully moves the bottle around and holds it in the air, using his tall stature as an advantage.

“We’ve been quarantined together for three weeks, your germs are my germs at this point,” he said.

“Bull shit that is not how that works,” you said laughing.

You finally get a hold of his hand with the beer in it, but suddenly the vibe changes. Chris, with his scruffy quarantine beard and slightly grown out hair, had grabbed hold of you and pulled you into him in a bear hug in one swift movement. Over the past few weeks living together during the pandemic, you’d gotten to know each other much better than you had when the world was “normal.” You'd seen each other first thing in the morning and gotten used to speaking freely with each other without fear of sounding weird, as it turned out you both were. You had been a friend of Scott's for a few months, and met Chris through him while he was filming a movie in L.A. After meeting him during a night of drinking at Scott’s place, you hit it off but were only casual friends...until the rona hit.

One night in the beginning of it all, you were lonely in your apartment when Scott convinced you it'd be a good idea to quarantine with his sexy ass brother that you hardly knew.

“Y/N, it's the perfect idea! You're both single and I'm in Massachusetts with our family,” Scott said. “There's no reason you should drive yourselves crazy quarantining alone when you could just live together —just until all this is over.”

Your family was miles away in Texas and your L.A. friends had their own thing going on, so you took him up on the offer, totally skipping the steps of even establishing that you like each other to living together during a global pandemic. The first day was a bit awkward as it was natural to be — you were in someone who was two steps up from a stranger’s home and self conscious because, again, he was fine as hell – but that night the two of you sat on his living room floor and bonded.

“If we tell each other our darkest and most embarrassing parts of our lives, the awkwardness is gone,” Chris had said. So you spent 5 hours talking about the deepest hurts and the greatest joys of your lives. From then on, it felt like you had known each other for years. You even got close with Dodger, who at first wanted nothing to do with you or your cat that you’d brought with you, Mocha.

You relaxed into Chris’ arms, letting your desire to be close to him take precedence over the practical side of you that didn't want to potentially ruin the dynamic you'd built. Chris, almost as if it was instinctual, kissed the top of your head and held you as if he had done it a hundred times before.

Fuck the dynamic.

You turned around to face him, mustering every ounce of bravery you've ever had. Almost instantly, he leaned in, as if he'd been waiting on you to turn around this whole time. His beard bristled against your face as your lips crashed against each other's, finally finding their way to one another after weeks of just friendly banter. You were on top of him now, your hands grazing over his mid length hair while his traveled down to your ass.

“I've been wanting to touch you for weeks,” he said between kisses.

“Then why did I have to make the first move?” you said, a wry smile on your face.

A devious grin spread across Chris’ face as he flipped you over on the couch so that he was on top. He left wet kisses on your neck and after lifting your shirt over your head, moved to the parts of your chest left exposed from your bra and down to your stomach. Your hips bucked with an arch forming in your back, relishing in the fact that Evans’ hands and lips were all over your body.

The two of you in all your feverish affection managed to roll off of the couch and fall onto the carpet, somehow knocking down the half full beer off the coffee table in the process.

You were straddling Chris on the ground, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of you, to feel his bare skin on yours. You noticed the beer spilled on the floor.

“Shit.”

“It's okay, babe, leave it,” Chris said, his voice gruff and husky.

He picked you up and carried you to his bedroom, a place you'd never seen. His room was pristinely clean, for a man at least — very little was out of place. He laid you on the bed with a sense of determination, whispering in your ear as he got on top of you, his shirt half off, “I'm gonna show you how bad I've been wanting this.” His Boston accent had come out in full force...you'd only heard it like this after you'd both been drinking and your own Texas twang snuck out.

“I dare you,” you replied.

Everything seemed to move at lightning speed after that. It was like there was electricity within the touch of his fingers. In a whirlwind he took off your clothes and his own and before you knew it you could feel his dick brush against you, hesitating before he entered you.

“It's ok, I trust you. I want you,” you said at a near whisper, stroking his hair.

At first it was slow, the strokes were uncertain until he got accustomed to you and started a sensual rhythm. He eased himself deeper into you, causing you to throw your head back, letting yourself meld into him. His speed picked up while his lips grazed your nipples and the sound of his wooden bed frame hitting the wall filled the room.

You were in some sort of trance from the feeling of his hips moving against yours. Slowing down a little, Chris pinned your arms to his bed, brushed some of your now wild hair out of your face and placed his hands in yours. “Look at me,” he growled. Your fingers curled around his as he drove himself deeper inside you with a sense of urgency. As you stared into his blue-gray eyes you could feel yourself falling apart, and he did soon after.

The golden light from the setting sun peeked through the windows while you laid in Chris’ arms. Neither of you said a word but you felt closer than ever. Any amount of distance that was between you was gone now.

@honeychicanawrites I would love to know what you think of this. You inspired me to start writing fics!

[d-criss-news]

Royalties Soundtrack Listening Event | Darren Criss Chat (July 7th, 2020)

Darren Criss 18:02:04

wait ha

—

Darren Criss 18:02:08

sorry yall

—

Darren Criss 18:02:12

this is confusing me of course

—

Darren Criss 18:02:29

this is new for me too friends

—

Darren Criss 18:02:45

well i'm here but I can't hear shit so gimme a sec

—

Darren Criss 18:04:00

well I'll just keep typing here guys

—

Darren Criss 18:04:04

bro

—

Darren Criss 18:04:07

wilma

—

Darren Criss 18:04:15

i'm tryin

Darren Criss 18:04:57

21kxuv372ubcprrbpiefadt6i

What was your favorite song to write for the show?

They each were really fun so that's hard to say but Hate That I Need You surprised the hell outta me

—

Darren Criss 18:05:30

bettic72

darren non capisco un cazzo

anchio pero sti cazzi siamo qui

Darren Criss 18:05:49

genevievephillips

point and laugh at darren

yes let's laugh at him

—

Darren Criss 18:06:18

2162bkuccm7xje6yfgmuzrnyq

You inspired me to write my own songs 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

thanks for writing the first positive thing I've seen on this. That's wonderful! I hope to hear them!

—

Darren Criss 18:06:43

clo :)

i love that we are all grandparents when it comes to this

thank you for using the appropriate WE pronouns ha yeah this shit is confusing

—

Darren Criss 18:08:44

zcvmtsgee5mom80oxeesa4v11

Darren how do you deal with stage fright .... i’ve been preforming in front of people for a while and i i still get scared . Does it ever go away ?

i guess it depends on how big the crowd is. everybody's different but I will say any kind of fright means you care, which is a good thing! Also the thing people forget about performing, for the most part, is you can't SEE the audience, most of the time they're in the dark. That's why performing for friends or in a small space where you can see everyone is much more nerve-racking

—

Darren Criss 18:08:57

Dana

Darren can we have a royalties tour once rona is over???

wouldn't that be fun!

—

Darren Criss 18:09:15

emilybutcher30

darren can you start streaming on twitch please haha i love you

ha can't compete with King Urie man

—

Darren Criss 18:10:06

jake2000w

Darren, I know it’s all weird right now, but do you have any idea when we might see Nerdy Prudes Must Die?

what a good question. I have no idea but I've been wanting to see that show for almost as long as I've wanted to make Royalties. The boys have been talking about that one for a while now.

—

Darren Criss 18:10:16

jesiqseigle56

Can you like respond .

like yeah

—

Darren Criss 18:10:27

abbyforsmark

has Darren even said anything on this?

nope nothing

—

Darren Criss 18:12:39

u6iczx4gua0att2g4kd2vdzwe

Did you write each of the songs with the performers in mind or did you cast them afterwards?

great question. Except for "Also You," which was written with Jackie Tohn for Jackie Tohn, we had no idea who would sing each song. I did the demos for almost all of them and then we had to pitch actors/artists to see if they'd be interested... which wasn't as hard (luckily) as seeing if they were AVAILABLE... which many weren't given the short time we had to make the show. Hopefully we can get some of those folks on for the next season IF THEY'LL LET US HAVE ONE!

—

Darren Criss 18:13:52

delfi

darren royalties is so good i'm fucking proud of you

thanks for watching it, truly. I know the Quibi thing is strange for people so I appreciate you giving it all a chance : )

—

Darren Criss 18:14:04

Caitlyn A :)

if you see this kick your shoes off

I would but no shoes

—

Darren Criss 18:14:27

t59glm18dkw84n64l72jcuvpc

come to the uk challenge

god i wish.

—

Darren Criss 18:15:39

damn someone said "travel to UK challenge" and I meant to respond "find a vaccine challenge"

—

Darren Criss 18:17:08

i can't hear any of these songs but I"m just gonna start saying random shit about them

—

Darren Criss 18:17:16

first off, i really wanted a theme song

—

Darren Criss 18:17:23

that was a whole thing

—

Darren Criss 18:19:18

Had to cut through a lot of red tape to make sure we had that silly song in there. We were already in the middle of post production when I finally got it approved, but it had to be under 15 seconds. I wrote 3 diff versions. So glad it ended up working. Theme songs accomplish so much in such a short period of time. Establishes tone. Gives the audience an almost Pavlovian response to the familiarity of the characters... I'm happy with it

—

Darren Criss 18:20:12

also the "doo doo doo" lyrics are meant to sound like "scratch vocals" when songwriters record vocals with temporary gibberish lyrics with the intent of filling them in with real ones later

—

Darren Criss 18:22:29

Just That Good was a concept that started the entire 1st season, and it was one of those instant-songs where Nick and Matt told me the title and I immediately had the hook just from those words. That only happens every once in a while and I was so happy it did for that song. The tricky part was writing the rest of it, but the back half of the song with the chorus repeating that one refrain over and over- that was the melody from the get go

—

Darren Criss 18:23:08

I'll get back to Break it In, kick your shoes/let your hair, and kong later... i'll just go off on this one

—

Darren Criss 18:23:48

so I wanted to nod to the grandeur of everyone's favorite vampire elf, Jared Leto

—

Darren Criss 18:24:05

not HIM specifically, but 30 seconds to mars' very BIG music videos

—

Darren Criss 18:24:29

i dont jared is a buncha self centered nutcases like our guys in SWITCHBACK JACKET

—

Darren Criss 18:24:37

* i don't think Jared... 

—

Darren Criss 18:25:38

anyway yeah "so much better..." comes from a lot of the 90s alt rock that I grew up on, and the mix of that sound with a bit of electronic production was an effort to contemportize it as much as possible

—

Darren Criss 18:26:26

but the rhythm guitar, lots of power chords and high octaves were all harkening to my fave bands like Lit and Eve 6... but put through a strange bizzaro nickleback/creed performance filter

—

Darren Criss 18:26:55

"make you come true" is obviously a very salacious play on words

—

Darren Criss 18:28:27

so the only way to make it feel earnest is if we made the track itself sexy as possible. A lot of the songs, even without being written, leant themselves to a certain genre just by the title, and this one was kind of a no-brainer. Sexy mid tempo r&b. And I didn't even know we'd get Jordan Fisher to do it- who SMASHED the vocal.

—

Darren Criss 18:29:42

lauraacampbell-12

DARREN CHORDS OR LYRICS FIRST WHEN WRITING A SONG?

it's different every time but for this show specifically it's always title/idea first, and then the song comes from there. But that's because we're writing a show, so we have the luxury of getting to write from a specific place. It's much harder to do that in your own life when you just want to pull a title/idea from your own experience of life. I commend people that do that all the time.

—

Darren Criss 18:30:06

what's NUTS about prizefighter is...

—

Darren Criss 18:30:24

it was originally a song called LONG RANGER that BONNIE MCKEE sang, who I wrote the song with

—

Darren Criss 18:30:38

and in the video we had CHRISSY TIEGEN lipsynching

—

Darren Criss 18:30:44

it was bananas

—

Darren Criss 18:31:26

we ultimately couldn't use the song because of some complicated writers shit- not too dissimilar from the things we explore in our own show, which is just totally ironic.

—

Darren Criss 18:32:56

we were so bummed that we couldn't use the song but I'm actually really really happy with PRIZEFIGHTER. I love the song, and I love how it turned out production wise. I love how much of a massive influence latin x rhythms have had across the entire spectrum of mainstream music, so I wanted try my own hand at nodding to it!

—

Darren Criss 18:33:08

Lara :)!

Ahhhhh so was that the pilot song you were talking about last week?

that's the one

—

Darren Criss 18:33:45

hbz3jctrg5rwwma640hahffvt

You have inspired me to learn piano I already know how to play teanage dream now

you can thank Bonnie Mckee aka Kimmy Kelly for writing that song!

—

Darren Criss 18:34:01

ok then there's the k pop song

—

Darren Criss 18:34:08

honestly i had no idea where I was gonna start on this one

—

Darren Criss 18:34:22

full props to the brilliant CJ Baran who I wrote this song with

—

Darren Criss 18:34:39

we were just toying around with very industrial-sounding samples

—

Darren Criss 18:35:21

and I started singing Edvard Grieg's "in the hall of the mountain king"

—

Darren Criss 18:35:33

and he was the guy that was like YEAH JUST PUT IT IN THERE

—

Darren Criss 18:35:46

and i realized, oh yeah, that song is public domain

—

Darren Criss 18:35:59

and kinda ties perfectly to the nature of Elia Peck and his songwriting... huh.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:05

So we went for it from there.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:17

based the lyrics off of what the Neals say in the room.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:34

and then just wrote a bunch of ALMOST nonense lyrics about things that you could HATE that you NEED

—

Darren Criss 18:36:40

things like available wifi...

—

Darren Criss 18:37:01

artistinal mai-tais.... yeah I guess if you really really liked those you could HATE that you NEED them...

—

Darren Criss 18:37:04

etc etc

—

Darren Criss18:38:16

but the idea was to have Mariam Hale's character hardly do ANYTHING on the track, since she, as the audience sees, doesn't really have much to offer... so we just built it around this huge track with crazy lyrics that just tees up a tag for her to say without even having to sing: I HATE THAT I NEED YOU

—

Darren Criss18:38:43

2235n5s2qk5hjsujbhk5ilpva

I have classes in 10 minutes, and I'm not leaving until you dedicate a Royalties song to me.

looks like you're gonna miss calss

—

Darren Criss 18:39:09

"calss" ha. which is like "class" but like... different.

—

Darren Criss 18:39:32

alrighty PERFECT SONG

—

Darren Criss 18:39:38

i really love this song as well

—

Darren Criss 18:40:02

the reveal of this song is that they keep talking about this "perfect song" they've written

—

Darren Criss 18:40:26

in other words we're teeing up a pretty big expectation of what a perfect song could possibly sound like

—

Darren Criss 18:40:36

the reveal of course is that the song itself is in fact just called "perfect song"

—

Darren Criss 18:40:43

which is ABOUT a perfect song

—

Darren Criss 18:41:07

and about TRYING TO WRITE a perfect song, and how that's not necessary when you have someone that IS the perfect song

—

Darren Criss 18:41:20

when we wrapped our heads around that idea, I really loved it 

—

Darren Criss 18:42:10

you'll notice we reference a lot of incredible songs, almost citing them as perfect songs themselves

—

Darren Criss 18:42:14

ain't no mountain high enough

—

Darren Criss 18:42:55

of course leonard cohen's seminal Hallelujah

—

Darren Criss 18:44:05

and of course Britney's Oops I Did It Again ha ;)

—

Darren Criss 18:45:00

the Oops being a layered joke of being annoyed with oneself that they AGAIN unwittingly wrote a lyric for already massive song, but in doing so citing yet ANOTHER already massive song... if that makes any sense

—

Darren Criss 18:45:27

sorry for the typos yall i'm moving fast, i'd never let this shit slide if it wasn't a casual chatroom vibe

—

Darren Criss 18:46:37

emzlolly1234

Did you know you wanted there to be a romantic thing between pierce and Sara?? :))))

yes that was actually our original "pilot presentation" episode. the one with the song LONE RANGER and Chrissy Tiegen. It was a longer version of what would become episode 7. We THINK it's a romantic thing but you realize that Sara is just playing Pierce to get the song she needs. That was always the premise yes.

—

Darren Criss 18:46:51

luzmargotramos

if you reply with a single dot I'd probably die

then I better steer clear of any dots

—

Darren Criss 18:47:04

ALSO YOU was an amazing lightning in a bottle moment

—

Darren Criss 18:47:09

FULL CREDIT TO JACKIE TOHN

—

Darren Criss 18:47:22

i always enjoy giving credit where credit is due

—

Darren Criss 18:48:24

and I came in pretty hot for most of the songs- concepts, chords, style... but this one literally was a simple as Jackie Sitting down and just playing "It's you I love but also you and also you and also you."

—

Darren Criss 18:48:37

we all just looked at each other going, welp, yup, that's it, jackie you fuckin rule

—

Darren Criss 18:49:28

the song would have ended up very differently if she hadn't brought that to the table. the original episode and song was "one true loves" which isn't nearly as good of a gag/title as "also you"

—

Darren Criss 18:49:50

i ended up squeezing "one true loves" into the bridge, but of course, kept ALSO YOU as the main event

—

Darren Criss 18:50:02

i will say I was also trying to spoof my brother's old band, FREELANCE WHALES a little bit

—

Darren Criss 18:50:26

if you guys know the song "generator first floor" where they sing ay ay ay ay ay a lot...

—

Darren Criss 18:50:35

... as a lot of bands and songs had featured at the time...

—

Darren Criss 18:51:00

i wanted to put them all in one joke. where a band sang not only hey hey hey but ay and EE and AYE and OH and basically all the vowels

—

Darren Criss 18:51:10

which was where the joke of,

—

Darren Criss 18:51:20

a, e, i, o, and also u

—

Darren Criss 18:51:21

came from

—

Darren Criss 18:51:32

which i'm particularly proud of

—

Darren Criss 18:51:56

ok let's talk about BREAK IT IN

—

Darren Criss 18:54:16

lxucxthxrxnx_

I’m a musician myself (not that great lol) what was it like coming up with the melodic side did you play any instruments for the songs?

i played instruments on all the songs except Break It In and I Hate That I Need You, since those were all electronic. That's not to say i played EVERY instrument but I definitely played AN instrument of some kind for the others.

—

Darren Criss 18:55:34

as for break it in... anyway... yeah that was a blast. Nick Lang and I collaborated with my buddy Kendo who goes by the artist name KingJet.

—

Darren Criss 18:56:54

Kendo has worked on a lot of legit songs in the hip hop space. For each song I wanted to make sure there was a level of authenticity to what we were doing. I didn't wanna SPOOF the songs. I wanted the songs to sound rock solid and that it would be the LYRICAL CONCEPTS that would be the source of satire. So Kendo was a great guiding light to keep the track as authentic as possible.

—

Darren Criss 18:59:47

We explained to Kendo the whole joke concept of the song, which is basically just turning the idea of toxic masculinity on its head, and he was on top of it immediately- when we told him that there's this guy that's really concerned that people think he "fucks too soft" he immediately started spitting out lyrics like the hilariously defiant "I'm the KING OF THE HARD FUCK"

—

Darren Criss 19:00:35

which just killed me and Nick. It was just so juvenile that it was adorable to me

—

Darren Criss 19:00:57

emzlolly1234

Darren you’ve been here for an hour? That’s the length of royalties man xxx

yeah aint it great

Darren Criss 19:02:21

sophie :)

i personally think you should try your hand at writing a drill song, a british genre of rap that centres around rapping unrelated lyrics in front of chicken shops, personally think it has the right tone for the show for a season two

drill would be siq. I mean, opening the incredible pandora's box of UK based hip hop in general is its own magical wormhole of nuance and history and regional culture. it's amazing. i'd really have to do some homework if I wanted to pull that off!

—

Darren Criss 19:02:49

cd2gu4ceqx4am9otf9hzwzivs

he’s talking again guys be worried he might write another essay

ok sorry i'll stop

—

Darren Criss 19:02:51

:)

—

Darren Criss 19:03:03

cd2gu4ceqx4am9otf9hzwzivs

he’s talking again guys be worried he might write another essay

kidding!

—

Darren Criss 19:03:39

fsheldens

when darren actually cares about us 🥺

awww i always do! I just wasn't built for internet stuff.

—

Darren Criss 19:04:20

alpermehdi

speaking of nick how was it to work with nick??

the best. Nick is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

—

Darren Criss 19:04:51

chloe :)!

what would be ur karaoke song choice from the show?

mighty as kong

—

Darren Criss 19:07:32

isa.kowo

How much music theory goes into your songwriting? And did you learn all of it from playing the violin? In what way does it go into your songs?

all GREAT questions. I mean, music theory isn't something you CONSCIOUSLY employ when writing something, it's just that it really helps to know the rules or music when shaping it and trying to maximize its production. And as a matter of fact, yeah, I DID learn most of it playing violin. But when I was playing violin I was ingesting music from the perspective of a student ingesting information, not as a proactive creator putting anything of my own out into the world.

—

Darren Criss 19:08:07

Honestly I really didn't start UNDERSTANDING music theory until I started writing music for other people, and noticing certain things and chords and shapes had names and that they could be manipulated to accomplish certain things

—

Darren Criss 19:08:35

so most of my academic musical knowledge came in my 20s when I tried to start doing it professionally

—

Darren Criss 19:08:52

Nick

first instrument you ever learnt?

violin

—

Darren Criss 19:09:07

andyruiz080

I'm castin' my love net wide And fillin' every hole in my schedule

ha love that line

—

Darren Criss 19:09:29

missweggy

Darren are you a big queen fan ( the band lol ) 😂

is the pope catholic

—

Darren Criss 19:12:00

ChloeOmelia

Now its available, would you change anything?

jesus so much. but such is the nature of creating stuff. there's a great Hayao Miyazaki quote about always having to make new stuff to escape the woe of all the mistakes you made in your last thing... I mean, that's a bit extreme, I feel like we did the best we could given the circumstance but I totally get where Miyazaki is coming from. And in many ways that's everything we do in life. Do your best, know what you coulda done better and carry on

—

Darren Criss 19:12:36

dj._.quackers

who or what was your biggest inspiration growing up

the beatles. the uk. the 60s.

—

Darren Criss 19:13:02

Astriddd

Your first original song was "Not Alone". I'm right?

no it was actually a song i wrote in the third grade when I got a guitar for Christmas called "Save The Whales"

—

Darren Criss 19:14:29

hiiqsbo9358wvfkcjcsgsu4lb

Darren I need an answer it’s been annoying me for days. So was everyone fucking everyone in Pierces old band or was she just fucking everyone seperately??

ha that's a really great question. I figured she was just fucking everyone individually, which is why the band was so contentious but then again I'd rather let your imagination run wild...

—

Darren Criss 19:15:29

jphxxk5wjnaqnhuv806wmohdt

Darren, I love your taste in music. You should share your personal playlists ... bc everybody needs to know phantom planet 😉

if i actually shared my tastes in music, or actually shared the amount of stuff in my brain at the rate that I want to share, I would never work on or create anything because i would constantly be on the internet and you'd all be over me if you weren't already

—

Darren Criss 19:16:01

But yes, thank you for saying that, I love me my phantom planet oh so very much :)

—

Darren Criss 19:16:18

juli.nuttini

could you please answer me I don't speak English and I'm putting ALL my effort into asking you questions I'm going to cry

wow your english is actually pretty great

—

Darren Criss 19:17:08

I'd like to write a song with Howard Ashman

—

Darren Criss 19:17:23

dancebaby218

Was kick your shoes off inspired by your Hedwig shoes?

nah cuz that shit was actually comfy

—

Darren Criss 19:17:55

12169199549

i skipped my clarinet class because of you for the third time :) what can i say to my teacher?

that Darren says you should have gone to clarinet class!!!

—

Darren Criss 19:18:34

qalektvmexab6gfwibfihwu6b

Could you please answer me. We’ve supported you for years from the uk and we’re staying up for this but it’s totally worth it because you’re amazing!! Molly x

I wish so bad I could go to the UK!

—

Darren Criss 19:20:01

FUCK someone asked about Sam Farrar and I wanted to answer it but it disappeared... Sam is a homie. one of my very first songwriting sessions was with him and a very famous member of the pop universe... who if I get a season two, I'm putting in the show.

—

Darren Criss 19:22:00

9nc1yow3iwnp9p3fs4gcvdnsf

what other instruments would you like to learn in the future?

i just need to spend time trying to get better at the ones I've plateaued with. I feel like I got as good as I'd ever get on the guitar when i was like 19. So I've been trying to get better during the Quarantine. Picked up my violin and dusted off that Vivaldi, started doing drum rudiments on my drum pad, and started learning new licks and scales for guitar. Stuff I never got round to doing.

—

Darren Criss 19:22:27

harefraz

mr. criss sir, what is your top quarantine activity?

playing music

—

Darren Criss 19:23:26

actually lies. top quarantine activity is learning Japanese. 30 minutes a day. And it's been several months. Almost got Hiragana down, still got a few characters I'm questionable with but with any luck I'll start up on Katakana in the next few weeks.

—

Darren Criss 19:23:40

224abi6avvottcsacto7vx46a

What about working with Mark hamill ? Insane right

you said it

—

Darren Criss 19:23:54

t7sxis7855cd329gaa6iyty8v

Any updates on American Buffalo? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

it's opening next year!

—

Darren Criss 19:24:09

for the record this is really fun I'm enjoying this guys

—

Darren Criss 19:26:26

Rachael

How different is it doing a show like Royalties where you're heavily involved in the creative process compared to other projects you've done in the past?

i'd say night and day but that's an understatement. When I did Glee all I had to do was act in scenes, record songs, and go to dance rehearsal. With Royalties, it's that AND casting, doing pre production, post production, notes, meetings, notes, writing and producing songs, location scouting, blah blah blah lots of the stuff that you don't have to worry about if you're not a creator. But make no mistake I absolutely love it.

—

Darren Criss 19:27:41

Aisha

learn spanish

I'll get there. I already speak a bit of Italian so I wanted the challenge of learning something that didn't use a writing system I already understood.

—

Darren Criss 19:28:23

rosieellenxx_

I take Music Technology as a subject at school and we have to make a whole song with the sole sample of glass breaking...

sounds fun. loads of things you can do with that.

—

Darren Criss 19:28:48

21ynx6niidf2amx5nzilihsga

What are your goals for once quarantine is lifted?

hopefully to feel like I used this very strange time well.

—

Darren Criss 19:29:14

Ok I should probabl get outta here right?

—

Darren Criss 19:29:41

I've talked a lot about mighty as kong in other places

—

Darren Criss 19:30:00

so I'll just leave you with a story about "Let Your Hair Down"

—

Darren Criss 19:30:14

which was the very FIRST song we wrote for the show

—

Darren Criss 19:30:37

I had a meeting with an artist at a dive bar in the middle of the afternoon

—

Darren Criss 19:31:10

let's just say I showed up to that very first writer's session very late

—

Darren Criss 19:31:17

and sober ENOUGH

—

Darren Criss 19:31:41

wktusw4mcjn910r3eq91zg4k5

darren did you watch hamilton??????

duh last night. so fun.

—

Darren Criss 19:32:17

anyway I was so relieved that we left with that song at the end of the day. The intent was always to write two songs with the exact same concepts just with different titles

—

Darren Criss 19:32:50

the chords are the same, just slightly different voicings played on slightly different instruments

—

Darren Criss 19:33:29

and the idea was that whichever song was funnier, or at least whichever song would be more fun to see in a music video... would be the one that Pierce & Sara write

—

Darren Criss 19:34:08

"Kick Your Shoes Off" ended up feeling more like a full music video than "Let Your Hair Down" but I LOVE that first song, and hopefully people get to hear the whole thing on Spotify since you don't get to hear the whole song in the episode

—

Darren Criss 19:34:51

with lines I love like "see my cheekbones, show off my clavicle, I bet you've never seen a ponytail to magical..."

—

Darren Criss 19:35:39

emilybutcher30

i love that u spelled it sara not sarah

thank you. if you don't already know it, check out Ben Folds' "Zak and Sara"

—

Darren Criss 19:36:01

OK i gotta get going

—

Darren Criss 19:36:12

but thanks to everyone from all over the world for joining

—

Darren Criss 19:36:17

i see you and i say hi to you!

—

Darren Criss 19:36:23

happy birthday to all the bday kids!

—

Darren Criss 19:36:33

thank you for spending a little bit of your bday with me

—

Darren Criss 19:36:39

thanks for checking out Royalties

—

Darren Criss 19:36:46

hope you enjoy the music

—

Darren Criss 19:36:53

and hope there gets to be a season 2!!!

—

Darren Criss 19:37:08

xo to all of you. stay safe, stay inspired. - Darren

[snowwhite-andtheknight]

I’m going to preface this off with the fact that I’m a multishipper, and ship quite a variety of pairings, so this list might go all over the place. (Also, I’ve never written a fic rec before, though I have recommended fics and gushed about several often enough.) First of all, Above and Below Surface by Whitehorse102 immediately comes to mind. It’s probably my favorite AU fic that I’ve ever read for ZenYuki and possibly, my favorite I’ve ever read in general. It’s a Mer!AU; a type of AU that I’m always reading, but Whitehorse102 writes it so differently than any other Mer!AU, I’ve seen. The world building is insanely good, and the story reads a lot more like a published novel than a multichapter fanfic; there’s world building that even takes in parts of canon and plays around with them a bit. The ZenYuki is built up slowly. It’s a work in progress of the writer’s, and such a lovely read, that you absolutely would not regret reading it or rereading it. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12201172/1/Above-and-Below-Surface Apparently, the first fic I read was Of Assassins and Apples by Realm-Leaper, though since I sometimes accidentally refavorite stuff, changing the date that I favorited it or may have read stuff I didn’t favorite, I might not be accurate with this. It’s an Obi-centric oneshot collection with two oneshots, that I vaguely remember reading. (Eventually, I’ll share stuff that aren’t on Fanfiction.net, because I read all over the place.) I started rereading it, and it has almostly amazing Obi headcanons. The first oneshot is an Obi and Zen friendship piece, and honestly, maybe this is where most of my Obi headcanons came from as far as backstory. This oneshot collection of two oneshots is well worth your time! I’d wondered if the Mukaze and Obi scene was canon, had convinced myself that the talk they had was canon and took place during the Tanbarun Arc, but it was this fanfic, the second oneshot has an absolutely incredible and in character scene where Obi and Mukaze talk a few things out. (Honestly, it’s on my mind whenever I read a story where the two of them talk or interact in any way, and it a hundred percent affects the way I remember canon.) So do check it out! It’s a lovely two oneshot collection centering on Obi. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12933248/1/Of-Assassins-and-Apples

My favorite ANS OC right now is Setsuko/Vixen/fox, from Nostalgic Family by your1ocalpotato. I decided to read some of Potato’s work on a whim a few months back, once I realized that Potato wrote stories, and I absolutely adore Setsuko, especially within Nostalgic Family; I just love that universe, the added backstory for Obi, the found family dynamics, the way that Setsuko may be rough around the edges from the life she lived, but she cares deeply for her family, especially Obi. Just the sibling bond that Setsuko and Obi have in it is absolutely incredible, and in that particular universe, Setsuko has barely met Izana, so there’s a chance that that slow burn will eventually pick up, and Izana/Setsuko is such a lovely pair; they contrast very beautifully together, and it’s got to be my favorite Izana/OC pairing. Honestly, Potato’s stories are really good and more people need to read them. https://archiveofourown.org/works/22926751/chapters/54800950 (The Den Series is the name of the particular series I’m talking about, though there is a different story with Setsuko, where she has a different backstory, and it’s pretty much all slowburn Izana/Setsuko. Both are worth a read, though I haven’t finished the longer, slow burn fic yet.) As for An AU I Took A Chance On (And Now Love), it would be the Quarantine AU, that Muselover1901 wrote: Here With(out) You. I figured I’d read a Quarantine AU, and that one was really beautifully written. It’s one of my favorites by Muse. (I may throw in a few other stories that I recommend by Muse, because she’s a super talented ZenYuki writer.) I usually avoid writing any Quarantine AUs or Pandemic AUs unless I really feel like I need to. The same usually goes with reading them; I’ve found at least one good Quarantine AU in about four or so fandoms now. (I usually only read one per fandom, if it seems interesting.) Honestly, this is probably my favorite Quarantine AU ever. It’s longer, and the world is pretty well established. (And it’s a really lovely domestic ZenYuki oneshot.) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13668279/1/Here-With-out-You I’m going to cheat a little on the next two, because I actually reviewed them (and reviewed them around the same time). First, I want to mention a fic that Made Me Laugh Out Loud; the first one that comes to mind is A Snowy Surprise by MuseLover1901. It’s the first one that pops into my head, though I know that I’ve laughed out loud at probably plenty of other stories. I actually was unsure before I read it whether it was a romantic story or not, and had been a bit nervous about jumping in and reading it, but once I started to read it, it was love at first sight. There’s a snowball fight in it, and I’ll have to say one particular hit made me laugh out loud. The story is mostly a friendship story. (The kind of story that I always long for more of in any fandom, because I love friendship stories as much as I love romance stories, and I also love family stories just as much.) But it’s lighthearted and doesn’t contain too many manga spoilers for me, since I’m terribly behind in the manga right now. (I haven’t read all of Muse’s work yet, because some of them have more manga spoilers than I’m ready to read. I’m biding my time for the day that I can just binge read them obsessively. It will happen.) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13668260/1/A-Snowy-Surprise So, here’s the story, I’m cheating by mentioning instead of the above one. (I reviewed them around the same time, so it works, I think.) For A Fic That Made Me Friends With The Author, I’d have to say A Quick Library Visit; it’s a short, sweet read, and if you want quick ZenYuki fluff, it’s a go to. I read it around the same time as the above two Muse fics, and for some reason, some of Muse’s newest stories didn’t have reviews, so I figured I’d review. Shortly after, I reviewed A Quick Library Visit and A Snowy Surprise, Muse messaged me to thank me. (She’s really cool by the way.) And then, a little while later, I joined the old ZenYuki Week Server, and Muse invited me over to a ZenYuki Writing Collab Server, and we became fast friends after that. (She remembered me based off of the two reviews I’d left on her stories, which was pretty cool and definitely humbling.) (Also, heads up, I’ll post the fanfiction links to Muse’s stories, but she also posts them on AO3, so they’re there as well.) (I wish there was a reverse for this panel, because through the ZenYuki Writing Server; I met phenomenal writers and began reading their work as well!) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13668268/1/A-Quick-Library-Visit As for A Fic That Got Me Involved In The Fandom, I may be cheating by mentioning this too, since I starting writing fanfics for ANS practically right after I finished watching Season Two. The Mistress, the Plan, and the Secret by MisusedEllipses really made me long to write for Prince Raji/Shirayuki, and really kicked me off in that little rarepair haven, that Season Two won me over towards. This is an incredible fanfic, has absolutely amazing characterization throughout, and is incomplete on Fanfiction. (I’m hoping that somewhere online, it sits pretty and finished, waiting for me to rediscover it. I may be overly hopeful.) Okay, it ties in onesided!ObiYuki feelings, onesided!PrinceRajiYuki feelings, and wonderful characterization and sibling banter between Eugena and Rona! Honestly, Raji is written so well that it practically reads like canon: a very hard feat indeed for any writer to accomplish. Just, wow! I don’t know who to root for: Raji, Zen, or Obi! It diverges from canon right before the kidnapping, so Shirayuki never gets kidnapped, and eventually a rather interesting Raji and Obi friendship forms, though that’s right where the last current chapter is. It hasn’t been updated in four or five, I guess now or soon, years, but it’s well worth a read. I will recommend this to anyone if given a chance, regardless of whether the person is a multishipper or not. I love the friendship, the romance, the family, and humor that comes along with Raji’s siblings’ banter. It’s just a phenomenal canon divergent fic, and it’s what really made me realize there was a need for more Raji X Shirayuki fanfics, and it left me crazy about filling that gap. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12156186/1/The-Mistress-the-Plan-and-the-Secret I’m going to make a rather honest claim here, even though I’m not sure how often this writer will come up in what I gush about here, but this writer should: genee is one of my favorite writers in the fandom. (I’m not sure if genee is still active.) When I eventually thought of a fic with A Favorite Minor Character of mine, this particular story came up. history doesn’t repeat itself but it often rhymes is an absolutely amazing precanon story where it focuses entirely on Ryuu, gives him some backstory! (It’s an amazing read, and it follows his journey to becoming a Court Herbalist.) Honestly, the fandom needs a lot more Ryuu fics. (On a side note, a fic by a different writer also came to mind with this, but since that’s more romantic than this gen fic, I figured I’d stick with this one. The other one that comes to mind is the only fic where I could find Kai as a main character. It’s by a different writer, but if I can stick it into this recommendation, I will tell you more about it.) Genee writes really good fics. I know genee has a fanfiction account, but I think genee might have an AO3 as well. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12687531/1/history-doesn-t-repeat-itself-but-it-often-rhymes For Pre-Canon, I want to mention a lovely story by an incredible (mostly?) MitsuKiki writer that may not actually be active anymore. (Unless the writer uses a different site now.) (This story is actually not a MitsuKiki fanfic, though it is still one of my all time favorite stories by fiesa.) Roses, Violets by fiesa. It’s a beautiful story that focuses on Zen, Mitsuhide, and Kiki during the years since Kiki came there. Zen develops a crush on an OC, who doesn’t like him like that, who actually likes Mitsuhide, interestingly enough. It’s not really a romance story, as it focuses on the way time passes and uses summer and flowers to express that. The perspectives shift, so some parts may need to be reread to understand who is feeling that way, but it’s all written so beautifully. You get to see Zen develop a crush and get heartbroken, Mitsuhide trying to be really nice, knowing Zen likes the woman and sort of trying to let something happen between Zen and the OC. Though, Zen feels that that’s hopeless, since she likes Mitsuhide. It’s more a story of the friendship between Zen, Mitsuhide, and Kiki, and what growing up entails. It’s Zen before Shirayuki, and it makes for a rather lovely, read. (It’s a multichapter, though it’s not a super lengthy one as far as chapter count goes. It’s well worth a read though.) (fiesa and geneee I discovered around the same time, and I love what both of them write so much.) (So, if you like it, it’s always worth checking out the rest of fiesa’s work.) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12864975/1/Roses-Violets I was just thinking over how to mention an incredible writer, that wrote two ZenYuki oneshot that I’ve read and fell in love with. (Spotted the oneshot section. If I have to refill part of the Bingo Board later, so be it.) The Art Of Watching Stars Fall by Zen Wisteria on Tumblr. The metaphors and images are just so pretty and beautiful and with gorgeous meanings. (The writer feels a bit like a poet, and since I love poetry, that’s a definite plus in my book.) It’s really fluffy and sweet and contains pretty much all of the wonderful reasons to ship ZenYuki. It’s a delight to read and to reread. It’s highly recommended by me. https://zen-wistaria.tumblr.com/post/117283326416/it-feels-like-years-since-shes-seen-his-face AU That Made Me Find The Source Material: Lyrias Station by Eclectic80. I’m cheating here too. Shh… I’ve been slowly getting into Star Trek over the years very deliberately, and I just loved this fic so much! I found it first on the ObiYuki Community, going through a lot older fics, and then fell in love with just the way that Eclectic80 wrote it! It’s an absolutely incredible Star Trek AU, and a lovely ObiYuki story. (I think I did start with reading Historical Fiction, and it surprised me by being a Star Trek AU.) (On the note of really great AUs, there’s a Star Wars AU for ObiYuki that’s incredible, that I’ll have to refind at some point, and an incredible Harry Potter AU. I actually asked a lot of questions to people who know Star Wars lore far better than I do, in order to work through how much of the Star Wars AU for ObiYuki could plausibly happen in canon. (I think it was all of it. It was a great and engaging read too!) The Harry Potter AU left me obsessed with it, and the accidental soul bonding spell, whoops. But, since I don’t remember their titles or who wrote them, I’ll have to recommend them some other day. (I think they are also far back on the community page. I haven’t finished exploring it, since I took a break a while ago.) Back to Lyrias Station, it’s an absolutely incredible read whether you know very little about Star Trek, nothing at all, or a lot. I fall somewhere in the middle, and honestly, it’s a fantastic read, whenever you want to dig in and explore. (I may have reread certain oneshots in it way too much for my own good, practically back to back. It’s a really wonderful reread as well.) https://archiveofourown.org/works/14414148/chapters/34487988 For A Fic That Gave Me A New OTP, though my OTP is hard to define, so I’m technically cheating here, but Let Me Be Bold by Kaedix. It’s an IzanaYuki story, and that is a pairing that I was curious about, but hadn’t really shipped until I read this oneshot collection. I absolutely need to read the third oneshot; it’s new, and bound to be incredible. But, the first oneshot had me sort of falling in love with Izana right alongside Shirayuki, and the second oneshot had me cheering for Shirayuki, and all in all, it’s an incredible read that is well worth your time, whether just to read something new or different or whether you are on the fence about this fabulous rarepair. (Since it did win me over to the ship, I’m including it here.) It’s incredible! Go read it! https://archiveofourown.org/works/20982494/chapters/49894448 I was trying to figure out a fic that I loved that was under a thousand words, and since I haven’t paid a huge amount of attention to the word count, I couldn’t think of one at first. So, I was going through one of the writers that I really like the writing of, and stumbled upon one that I immediately remembered. Importance by bountifulnuggets. I remembered it strictly as the wedding story where Zen and Shirayuki hugged Obi, who desperately needed a hug. I’ve never read anything like it before, and it’s saturated with friendship. (Nugget is a phenomenal writer, so basically anything by her is really good, so if you haven’t heard of her, go check out her writing. You won’t be disappointed.) (I got temporarily sidetracked before going through Nugget’s stories, by a story I hadn’t read by Eclectic80, a ZenYuki(!) story, that if for some reason, I extend and do more than a Bingo Board (or find another way to include), I’ll tell you the title of. Either way, the story by Nugget is a lovely hurt/comfort fic that is more comfort than hurt, and it’s definitely a beautiful read. https://archiveofourown.org/works/26433481 I’m going to pause here for now, even though I haven’t gotten a Bingo yet, because I’ve spent way too long today, compiling this list, and kind of want to share how far along it’s come so far. I recommend every single last one of these fics and several more, honestly they’re all so amazing!

[adorablele]

a different nickname; z.ch

anon requested; Hey so I wanted to know if it was possible if you could write a part two to that one chenle barista bullet point thingy ?

↬ pairing; zhong chenle x reader

↬ genre; a nice big cloud of fluff; bulleted list

↬ word count; 1.2k +

↬ summary; it’s your first date with chenle

↬ a/n; this is a part two of a timestamp I posted, but you don’t need to read it. it just explains why you’re nickname for him is butt head lol. also, kinda based this off on how I miss going to the arcade with my friends and how a new one opened at the mall bus ms. rona shut it down :’)) please enjoy <3

ever since you called his chocolate milk poo

he never looked at it the same way

and he complained about it to you

marching in the next day

with a frown and the napkin you gave him

“I’d like a latte.”

from then on, he ordered different lattes

enjoying the way you struggled with the art

“don’t laugh at me!”

but you secretly enjoyed his dolphin laughs

the noise always brightening up your morning

and you found it cute how he fanboyed over stephen curry

or how he proudly showed you that he learned a new choreography

or how he suggested so many songs to play in the cafe that he basically created the playlist

his visits became more frequent

and whenever you complained to him about making the drink

he would always say “because you ruined chocolate milk”

one day, you asked him “can’t I make it up to you another way?”

and you were referring to giving him a free pastry

but he took it as

“okay, then how about a date with me on saturday?”

did you agree?

of course

it only dawned on you that you agreed to go on a date with him on saturday

you were on panic mode

it was a date

it was a date

perhaps you took hours picking out your outfit

maybe you spent five minutes quadruple checking your hair before you exited your car

there’s a possibility that you almost turned around to go home when you saw chenle sitting calmly in front of the mall entrance while scrolling through his phone

“you dyed your hair.”

he looked up from his phone, “did I?”

“maybe I went colorblind,” you deadpanned

he chuckled, standing up and shaking his head a little before brushing a hand through his hair, “you suggested the color, how’s it look?”

you blinked, words escaping you

the butterflies in your stomach wouldn’t settle down

and your heart melted at the excitement that his eyes gleamed

“well... it’s different.”

his smile dropped a little, “you don’t like it?”

“nO! that’s- no- you’re still cute-”

he cut you off, “you think I’m cute?”

and he smirked, not smiled, but smirked

it was a confident smirk too even though you could see the tiniest hint of red in the apples of his cheeks

“yeah, for a butt head!”

nice going y/n!

before he could see your flushed face, you rushed into the mall

immediately making your way to the food court

you were hungry 

and chenle insisted that he’ll treat

but you told him to just pay for the arcade tickets

got second hand embarrassment when he started cawing like a peacock because you told him you didn’t believe him

“stop please,” you told him, people looking your way

“you want me to be louder?”

you ended up shoving food in his mouth

and he opted to stay silent as long as you fed him

after that, the two of you made your way to the arcade

y’all spent hours there

“that teddy bear!!!”

you were like a child in a candy store when looking at that prize

it sat slumped on the highest shelf, practically calling your name

in excitement, you grabbed chenle’s hand right when the lady handed him the card full of tickets

you didn’t realize that you were holding his hand until you had to let go

but he didn’t say anything, only slipping his hand back in yours whenever the two of you moved onto another game

he challenged you to air hockey

and got all pouty when you won every round

“stop being a sore loser.”

“my hand clearly slipped!”

he liked playing the first person shooter games with you

specifically the zombie ones in a booth

“do we have to play this again?”

“I’m so close to unlocking the next round!”

while that was true

he more so enjoyed having you cling to his side

it was also the game where he earned the most tokens

“are you sure I can get this?”

“you liked the teddy bear, right?”

and you did, but if you got it, there would only be 50 tickets left

“you don’t want anything?”

he ignored your question and asked the employee to get the bear for you

chenle watched as you excitedly hugged the bear that was as big as you

it was entertaining watching you carry it as you held his hand and walked around the mall

“do you want me to hold it?”

“his name is dolphin! and, no,” you adjusted it in your arm, “I’ll carry him.”

he found it cute how you determinedly marched onward 

“I was talking about your hand,” he chuckled, by your side in no time

“oh,” you looked at it, “yes please.”

he gave your hand a slight squeeze, “it looked heavy.”

eventually, he asked if you wanted to drop off the bear-

“dolphin,” you reminded him

he rolled his eyes playfully and corrected himself, “dolphin~ to the car?”

you agreed because your arm was getting tired

and after you placed the bear in the car 

he tapped our shoulder and ran back into the mall

“you’re it!”

you chased him into macy’s

getting dirty looks from the employees in the perfume aisle

and glares from the parents on the escalator

and judgmental sighs from the elderly 

but you ignored them and kept your eyes trained on the boy

or at least tried to

this one lady stopped you and asked if you were okay

“are you being chased by someone?”

you thought it was so sweet 

“uh, no ma’am, I’m playing tag with someone.”

she chuckled, “oh, I’m sorry sweetie!”

and you smiled at her, giving a quick bow before running to find the boy

you spotted him trying to pose with one of the mannequins, fixing a bucket hat on his head

and you silently approached him from behind

“found you!”

and he yelped, knocking over the mannequins next to him

your eyes widened when he grabbed one of them, only for the arm to fall off

you guys made eye contact before he dropped the mannequin’s arm, taking your hand and dragging you out of there

he ended up taking you to back to your car

both of you panting

and the night breeze helping to cool you down

“you know,” you leaned your back against the door of your car, “that bucket hat looked good on you.”

“did it?” he asked, standing in front of you

you nodded, “but it covered up your hair.”

“is that bad?” 

you puckered your lips in thought, hands reaching up to move his bangs

“I wouldn’t be able to see your hair parted like this,” your fingers halted, “and then you wouldn’t be a butt head.”

he held your wrist, sliding his fingers between your own

“you know, I don’t really like that nickname.”

you looked at his twinkling eyes

“what do you want to be called?”

“what about,” he pulled you closer, “your boyfriend?”

you couldn’t help the laugh that erupted in your throat, pure joy bubbling in your stomach

your fingers brushed through his hair once again, the color as dark as the night sky

the stars twinkled in his eyes and reflected in your own

you grinned, “my boyfriend.”

his own smiled widened

“I think that could work.”

[alluringoneirataxia]

Long Winding Road Stay Strapped My Dude

By: Astoria Cathryn Andromeda

Alrighty, this is a long one boys. So I touched briefly on this in my Welcome to Literally Everything post. No worries I'll recap you, so you don't have to switch back and forth. I just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and then ADHD when I was 18 years old, and even then I had to fight for it after countless hours of research. See, there seems to be a wee bit of misogyny in the neurodiverse diagnoses. When I say a wee bit, I mean that scientists used to think that only boy could be autistic or ADHD. They only studied autism in males. Fortunately, nowadays we know that girls can be autistic and/or ADHD, but we present the traits differently than boys, and a lot of our traits are played off due to gender roles in society. For example, being overly talkative in girls is called chatty, whereas boys who can't sit still are sent off for testing immediately. This also causes problems for the boys, because little Johnny gets put on Adderall at the ripe age of 6 years old, just because he can't sit still for 8 hours straight, which by the way should not be expected of any elementary school kid, By the time, he's 25 he's 1) completely dependent on amphetamines 2) his body will stop producing dopamine due to being on the medication for so long. Nicht Gut. Generally, boys who are on the spectrum get picked out earlier due to late speaking, or lack of social skills. This is the one thing that girls happen to do better than boys. Girls are good at masking, which is basically taking social traits, phrases, personalities, demeanor, and copying them. In public, they put on a mask and at home, they have a meltdown. Girls are still not picked up as being on the spectrum, because shyness is called being 'ladylike' and 'dainty', and having a meltdown is just because :( girls are oh-so emotional, boohoo. Anyways tons of women do not get diagnosed with autism until they are well into their adulthood, I actually can be considered lucky to have technically still been a teenager when we finally got all the pieces together.

Alright, let's start with I don't know me as a baby. I did not speak until I was 2 years old, and then it was immediately full sentences from then on. I didn't do the babbling thing, which I don't know how impactful that really is to the topic. I was a very shy little girl. I was teeny tiny, we didn't know I if I was going to make it to 5 feet tall until I had a big growth spurt in 7th grade. I am 5'2 now and definitely done growing in case you were wondering, so not that short anymore. I did not like talking to adults, especially strangers, especially men. I did not look anyone in the face, and I will always hide behind my parent's legs when they would try to introduce me to people. I am an only child, and I spent a lot of time entertaining myself. I always had seasonal affective disorder, where my grades would dip in the winter. My parents knew I had a timer, they had 45 minutes from the moment they stepped into a restaurant before I would start breaking down. If I got off schedule as a toddler in any form, it was a catastrophe. Or this is what my parents and family tell me. I didn't really notice. I did not like being out in public a lot, I was a very picky eater, and I was extremely hyper. I was a very eccentric child, I only had 1-2 close friends and they were always a very well-liked outgoing girl who I just followed around. Looking back, I don't know how we missed it. I was shy because I didn't understand how social interactions worked, I was anxious about it because I didn't understand, I had sensory overloads, routines, and a very bland diet with a safe food which was ketchup. I put that shit on literally everything, eas, apples, mac and cheese, pizza, all meat, anything something forced me to eat that I did not like. But because I could sit still in class, and because I could zone out and daydream all day through school and still make A's nobody ever flagged me for anything and how I was supposed to know that not everybody just copied other people, scripted things before they talked, and could never pay attention. My mom always required me to be in a sport, and I was a gymnast and a swimmer for a long time, two very high-intensity sports, to help lower my energy levels, and because my mom has mild depression and she knows that exercise does help. Skip to middle school, my mom tells me I'm being bullied at church. It's not that I wasn't observing my surroundings I knew I was being excluded, but I didn't understand vindictive behavior, I thought it was my fault. I had zero friends in 8th grade until I sat down next to a random acqutaince I had gone to school with since I was 4 and the same gymnastics place. Then we were immediately attached at the hip after that. She is my best friend due this day and definitely got me through high school. Led me through so many social situations without either of us knowing. I had a very close friendgroup in highschool, all of them were on the drumline which I met through my best friend, and my first boyfriend was my best friend's neighbor. I ended up playing bass guitar for my high school's indoor drumline, and it was the best experience ever. I love my friends, but I had really bad depression when I was 15-now:) jk It's better. I didn't really realize I was depressed, I just didn't want to go to school, or swim practice, or do anything so of course, my mom noticed, and then once it was pointed out to me it got worse. My severe anxiety spiraled with my depression. Senior year of high school, my boyfriend and I were like toxic star crossed lovers, hurting each other over and over again without meaning to. My friends and I were self harming, all my close friends gad some demon going on. I finally decided to try therapy again after the disaster of being forced to go when I was 15 and the lady told me I wasn't depressed because I had a boyfriend and good grades. It helped a bit, I was able to get my panic attacks under control. Then I went away to college and stayed dating my senior high school boyfriend, we were just up and down as always, but with slightly better communication. My freshman year of college I joined a fraternity, a research lab, and my first hs boyfriend/ex/best friend and I went to a Christian campus place. By second semester, I had a lot of people who knew me and talked to me, but I didn't have any close friends, and even less close friends who were girls. All my close friends who were girls were at another college. My parents were worried about me, so they made me rush a sorority, which I knew was never my scene, but my parents made me join and I found a few girls I liked. Soon I was going to 6 classes, fraternity chapter, research lab meetings, christain crash group meetings, soriorty pledge meetings all on every Tuesday. I was different person at each of these events and wore a different mask. I was having what I know now were autistic burnout meltdowns every single day on the phone in my crusty dorm's stairwell. It was not cute. His mental health had always been bad too. Finally I decide I need to try a psychatrist and go back to therapy, and then he broke up with me. Then I made my first close friend, a guy who was in 3 of classes, and I took him to my fraternity's formal, and then coronavirus happened.  Rona kinda saved my grades, and mental health by sending us home event though it did suck. I got on anti-anxiety meds and things went up, but I was still having what I thought were panic attacks, they were austistic meltdowns. My psychiatrist, he's kinda an asshole, he diagnosed me with Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I'll insert definition here: (OCPD) is a personality disorder that's characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.> Basically hr told me I had rules for everything like how everyone drives on the right side of the road, but nobodythinks about it andwhen I broke one of my rules I got depressed, and when wasn't perfect I got depressed, and when I made an A I was relieved not proud. The diagnosis seemed to fit really well, and my therapist and I started working finding my rules, and getting rid of the bad ones, and making the others less harsh. I had thought every once and in a while in my life when I was really upset, what if I'm on the spectrum, because I just felt so hopeless for social interactions and I didn't understand. I always felt like I was a very specific person, but after the ocpd I started thinking more and more, and I saw a tik tok of a girl with lae diagnosed autism basically describing me and ranting about the misogyny. I did more research and I decide, yea I'mm gonna bring it up to mypsychatrist well he's a dick, so he was like um you don't act like sheldon cooper from the Big Bang theory,and I was like wellI just I have always thought I might have adhd like be neureodiverse, and he was like your grade point average in hs was a 97.8%, you're not adhd. I immediately cried, because I can't handle when anyone says anything in a even a slightest stringent tone. I'm baby, I know lmao. It made me angry though because I felt like he just brushed away all of my struggles I had in my whole life. I spent hours researching and typed up a 47 page document on evidence for why I was on the spectrum, and had my parents help will some of checklists to make sure I was getting outside perspectives. I rally my parents to be my back up and next psychiatrist appointment we actually talk about it and he asked my parents questions about when I was young and such and finally he was okay you're on the spectrum. I felt so validated and like I could start being myself. I slowly got more and more confident, changed my style of clothing, and researched more about adhd pushed to be tested, and oh look at that I also have ADHD. So basically discourse: "I feel like as a child I coded a machine to do life for me so I didn’t get bothered except I didn’t know about the machine I thought i was the machine and now I’ve become self aware and I have to learn how to read the code and rewrite the code because it’s dysfunctional because I’m not functioning well as a human being. I was really shy as a child. I would turn beat red when people talked to me or looked at me so I think I started cookie cutting situations and using them over and over again because they worked until I accidentally hard wired these expansion rules and expectations for myself. I didn’t may attention is class ever I just day dreamed and if I got good grades i wouldn’t be bothered i could just stay in my head and if I did my sport well my parents didn’t bother me. I was never asked if I did my homework I just did it so I wouldn’t be asked and have to deal with that situation. I would cookie cutter situations in class that would draw the least attention to myself.

I feel like i don’t have friends I just fulfill the expectation like a side quest on video games" I wrote this down pre autism confirmation when i just thought I had ocpd. Now I don't directly identify with ocpd, but I definitely think I developed that personality disorder a bit from living with undiagnosed autism. I am linking below the very informative Tik Toks by the lovely Paige on autism in girls. The imposter syndrome one really hit home. I had had so many panic attacks about thinking I tricked people into being my friend, or thinking I was smart.

I highly suggest watching these short tik toks, you'll definitely learn something

https://vm.tiktok.com/wVvcYA/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqRRUf/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnqhvX/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqeyYg/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnoE7u/

https://vm.tiktok.com/Kas6gB/

https://vm.tiktok.com/owM9hs/

Imposter syndrome

I am also linking an article about Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory and Autism that explains why my psychiatrist was wrong, and also I am a girl and the spectrum is called a spectrum because it's a fucking spectrum no two autistic people are exactly the same it's like a color wheel.

http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/problem-sheldon-cooper-and-cute-autism-387783

Here is a fun comic about the spectrum and how to view it.

https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

I am still learning about myself, and how to be me, and how to be myself but without breaking bad social rules. It's quite humorous though because I'll learn something is related to autism and I'm like oh shit again, like still, like, we're still discovering things.

"Tu ne me manques pas"

Bis später,

Astoria.

[dykexanderharris]

heartache, i’ve heard, is part of life

(kennedy/willow, heavy mention of tara/willow)

Post-Chosen

It’s May and it’s only been a couple weeks since you watched her hair turn white with magic and felt centuries of the slayer line run through you. It’s May and she hasn’t said it but you think it’s been one year since the last woman she loved died. You have a few reasons for thinking that.

One of the big ones is that it’s May and You’ve learned that May being Apocalypse Month is one of the Scoobies’ favourite jokes. Since Willow was the cause of the last Apocalypse, you figure Tara probably died almost exactly a year ago. There’s also the thing where Xander and Buffy have both been big with the hovering for the last few days. You get wanting to be with friends after a near-apocalypse, you’ve spent a lot of time with Rona and Vi since Sunnydale turned into a crater, but Xander and Buffy have nearly attached themselves to Willow.

But the biggest hint is the way Willow is quiet. In the few months that you have gotten to know her, Willow has been a lot of things, most of them amazing, a few of them kind of terrifying. None of them is quiet. She can be shy occasionally and she can overthink which can look like quiet, but you can always tell that it’s not actually quiet since her eyes do this really cute and expressive thing where it kind of looks like she’s trying to figure out the worlds secrets.

Right now she looks quiet. She talks with same vernacular that you’ve grown so fond of and she smiles at you every time she catches you staring. But she looks quiet and her eyes don’t look complicated at all and there’s sadness there, more than usual. You’re not worried in the stressed and panicking sense, you’re just worried in the concerned that she isn’t talking to anyone about her dead girlfriend.

You recognize that you are definitely someone she can come to, but that she probably wouldn’t be big for conversing with her girlfriend that she accused of making her forget about her dead girlfriend - turning into the man she killed or not -about said dead girlfriend. So, you hope that Willow’s talking to someone but you have an inkling that she’s not going to talk to Buffy or Xander since they both have more recent dead loved ones. You doubt she’d talk to Daw, especially since Dawn has been kind of an asshole to both of you since she realized that the two of you aren’t just screwing because of your common experience of pre-apocalypse lesbianism. You wish you had her confidence, because even you aren’t convinced of that fact.

Th point is, you care, a lot, about Willow. And whether it’s been a year since Tara died or if the grief is just heavier now that there isn’t magic recovery or a First Evil to fight, you want to be there for her. So, when she comes out of the bathroom and into your room, towelling her hair, you just smile at her and invite her to come sit with you.

You listen to her breathe for a while as she flips through a handwritten journal, leaning your head on her shoulder you recognize most of the handwriting as Willow’s but there a more hurried and loopy script running through the pages along her steady and colourful words. You feel when her cheeks life with her smiles as she reads and thanks to your newly enhanced slayer hearing, you can hear the frequency with which she starts swallowing when she comes across full pages of the blue and loopy words.

Feeling her shift as she runs her finger along the edge of the page you shift with her, looking up to her. Softly, you ask, “Tell me about her?”

When Willow looks down, the same quiet in her face as the last few days but a small confusion, you clarify. “Tara. And only if you want to. I know you say you two were private and I respect that, but grief is hard and it’s harder when you don’t talk about it. So, if it’s okay with you, you can tell me about her. Or I can get Xander or Buffy and you can talk to them.”

Willow smiles at you and you really wish this warm feeling in your chest would stop popping up every time she looks at you because you don’t want to be the stereotypical lesbian who says I love you on the third date but she makes it easy. And she pauses and swallows again, and then she closes the journal and looks at you. And she says, “Are you sure?”

And you’re not, because you have this tendency to get jealous about stupid things and you don’t want to put yourself in a place where you might end up jealous of a dead girl and that would be stupid. But you say yes anyway because the hope in her eyes makes it clear she needs this. And Tara sounds like a good person from every account you’ve ever heard about her, plus you’ve got that whole loving Willow thing in common, so she seems like the kind of person you would’ve wanted to know if you could’ve.

With your confirmation, Willow tells you about her. She tells you about her as in the way that she loved horror movies even though she basically lived in one. You learn that Tara used to always get on both Willow and Dawn’s backs about eating healthy but she always kept gummy bears in her backpack in case it turned into a bad day. You listen when Willow admits that Tara thought the two of them were dating weeks before Willow realized she was gay and she laughs with you when you tease her.

And then she tells you about the journal on her lap. It started as just a catalogue of demons and meals and spells and little anecdotes from her daily life but eventually became the story of her and Tara, written out in their own handwriting. Willow mostly tells you about Tara teasing her about how she writes like she talks - in circles until someone tells her it’s okay to stop. You smile into Willow’s shoulder when she points to a period after a run on sentence that lasted over two pages long that is a different colour that the rest of the pages.

She goes through each page and tells you some of the stories and keeps some to herself, and from Willow’s account you can see how everyone views Tara as a perfect person because she seems pretty amazing. But then, a couple months into the journal, Willow starts flipping through pages written in black ink - an odd occurrence when previous pages were pinks or sparkly blues or lime green - with incantations and spells and ingredients and frustrated scribbles. You feel the way she tenses and she tells you about Glory who had made Tara go literally crazy and how she spent days pouring over texts just trying to find something to bring her back and how because of that Buffy died. You don’t correct her, it’s a different battle for a different day, but you do relish in her smile when the loopy writing is back.

There’s a page with some stranger ingredients and Willow tells you it’s the spell that brought Buffy back. You note the different coloured question mark next to the ingredient “vino della madre”. Now Tara’s notes are smaller than before, things like ‘dork’ when Willow pours over how much she loves Tara in the pages. you laugh are surprised that you have felt no jealousy, just sadness that Willow, and everyone, lost her. But you watch as Tara disappears from the margins, not abrupt like last time, but slower, until her only input are small drawings. And eventually she’s gone, and there’s a page that’s been scratched out but you see the way it bleeds onto the next page and figure it wasn’t the prettiest breakup. Willow confirms to you that it wasn’t, she tells you every step she took that ended up with her turning into a terrible and abusive person.

That’s one of the things about her that scares you sometimes, but you don’t need to think about that now. Willow flips through more pages, some of them black, some with colourful writing and fewer and fewer with spells, some with small self-affirmations. And you tease her for it and she blushes and you love her, in all your own stereotypical lesbian glory. She gets to the last page of the journal. Not the last page in the physical journal but you can tell it’s the last one in the way she looks at it.

And the last pages are all Willow, one is about a serum to help Buffy and the other two are about Tara. And then, proving your theory about the day she died, on a page dated May 7th, 2002, in purple ink is one sentence. ‘I love you, always, even when I’m not around.’

Willow gasps as she reads it, and you watch her gasp turn into a sob and she starts crying. You didn’t expect this conversation to end anywhere else, so you hold her and tell her it’s okay until she calms down. She shakes her head, as if to deny what just happened. Then she shrugs, “I’m sorry. It’s just, this,” She points at the journal, “and a couple pictures are the only proof that she was ever...”

She trails off and you get it. You don’t get it, but you think of Amanda who was younger then you but who reminded you of your sister so much and now she’s just a body in a hole that the government plans to fill with cement with no proof that you ever even knew her. You know, somewhere with her is Anya and Spike and Tara.

But Willow’s wrong, because Amanda is the one who encouraged you to forgive Willow, and wherever this goes, Amanda is part of the choices you make. So you kiss her cheek and place you hand on her other one, wiping away the tears there with your thumb. And you nod, “You’re right, she was a whole person and now all that’s left is notes in a journal and a couple pictures. But you forgot something.”

At Willow’s confusion, you continue. “You’re still here, and Dawn’s still here pissed off on Tara’s behalf. She’s gone but she’s still here. So, yeah, it is unequivocally shitty that she doesn’t get to be here so that the world gets to know her. But the world gets to know you and Dawn and Buffy and everyone else that got to know Tara. And I think, that’s plenty since she’s supposed to be my competition or whatever and I think I might like her more than I like you.”

Your last words are teasing and Willow smiles at you, though her eyes are serious. She leans her forehead against yours, running her hand through your hair and sighs wetly. “You’re kind of amazing, you know that?”

And you smirk at her. “I did actually, but thanks for the ego boost.”

It’s easier like this, when you can say serious things but end the conversations lightly and don’t have to sit with the discomfort. Willow shifts to kiss you and is crying when she pulls away. “Thank you.”

And you could say it now, that you love her. That you’ll follow her wherever she wants to go once the apocalypse hangover is gone. But as much as you’re comfortable being a stereotype, you’re not an idiot. You’ve been given what you consider to be the extraordinary gift of getting to date Willow Rosenberg, most powerful witch in this hemisphere. You’re not going to mess that up with as something as stupid as saying you love her off the hinges of a conversation about the dead love of her life. So, you just smile.

[theforce]

presumptive horrible rotten case of corona: symptoms

presumptive bc i couldnt get a god damn test i live in new york and while there are testing sites all over the state and our state govt is doing what they can now, i don’t want to be the person taking away a test from someone else especially now that i am mostly better, most of this went down at the beginning of the month and i’m still dealing with the effects of it. 

there was a lot of confusion here even as recent as 2 weeks and we are the state that’s testing more than the rest of the entire country so here is my account of what went down w me, and honestly, what might go down with you or someone you know as soon as this reaches your state

1) i threw up all night long, thought it was a stomach virus, had a lot of stomach issues for like 24 hours, very strange i haven’t had a stomach virus in YEARS since i was a literal child, anyways right before i started puking up my life i developed this weird cough, it felt like it was from my throat, like i was trying to clear it? but it was often and annoying 

2) after my 24 hours of hell i felt feverish and exhausted but i chalked it up to being on the floor of the bathroom all night, exerting my esophagus and body to throw up the devil himself, i tried to sleep it off, i woke up a few hours later in a fog, i was shivering but i was also burning up, i couldn’t tell left from right, up from down, my fever was 100.3, at this point i had my mom call my doctor and make an appointment, she made it for me w the receptionist, everything was fine until 20 minutes later i got a call back from my actual doctor not the receptionist who was like, oh no not you’re not coming here with those symptoms baby and i was like ?? ok cool thanks, she said to keep watching my symptoms, slam some tylenol and if i felt shortness of breath to call or text her personal cell phone and she would get me set up at the nearest hospital i said ok sounds fucked up i mean i didn’t say that bc i was too fucked up to even speak, she also gave my mom instructions to keep me in my room, to not go near me, to give me a designated bathroom, to have food and water delivered to my door, my mom was like u dont gotta tell me twice (she has lupus) during this time my cough become dry and horrible, i could feel my lungs rattle, i would cough so hard and for so long i’d wake from my feverish coma to kneel over my bed and just let loose on the world, it felt like i was drowning, i couldn’t get enough air everything hurt, everything was sore 

3) things continued on like this for 5 straight days, i was literally in and out of consciousness, my fever got up to 102 and my mom said that if it raised at all from there we were going to the fuckin hospital and i was like listen la rona i know u wanna take me out but i havent even ever eaten a krispy kreme donut, please let me survive this i can’t leave this way, in that moment i literally had a fever dream of god herself, i said take this from me and i’ll stop being such a cunt in life. i started slamming hot toddy’s, i’d drink as much water as possible in between the time i wasnt literally trying to expel my lungs by way of my mouth

4) woke up from that whole ordeal drenched in SWEAT from my feet to my head i was soaked, it was gross, at that point i still had a sense of smell so let me tell you my last and final symptom should have kicked in a bit earlier but i checked my temp and it was normal! i didn’t feel like my head was going to explode! but i had new things going on i had a new stuffy/runny nose, my cough was producing some liquid which i proceeded to throw up into a mcdonalds cup i took a shower, i brushed my teeth, i felt like a brand new woman, i had cold like symptoms but i can live with cold like symptoms, i had an appetite for the first time in a week, felt like i could eat my whole family out of house and home given the opportunity, i’d lost 20 pounds in less than 2 weeks and ya girl was honestly, looking good but THAT’S A BAD WAY OF THINKING disregard please thank you, at this point i went into my doctor with a full on mask, gloves, hair pulled back, she gave me every test you can think of, most importantly a flu test which is all she could do since getting a test was impossible at this pint, which of course came back negative 

5) things continued like this for weeks, up until right now actually, exhaustion was gone, fever gone, cough still here and there but not like how it was, i’ve put on makeup in my room, i’ve watched every season of law and order svu, i’ve gone on drives in my car just to drive, i’ve tried to keep myself as busy as possible, 3 days ago the strangest, most inexplicable and hopefully last symptom arrived, a complete loss of smell and bc of that taste, i’ve tried smelling candles, essential oils, laundry detergent, canned meat, my brother lit a match with my back turned and asked me what the smell was, i ate extra hot cheetos, raw onions, shot of vinegar, there’s nothing there, i just hope it comes back 

during this time i haven’t been even close to my mother, who has lupus or my sister, who has asthma, i stayed in my room, i’m still in my room actually 14 full days out from the last time i left the house, one month since this whole thing started, i eat in my room, i use a different bathroom than my whole family, everyone talks to me from my door frame besides my little brother who also was sick but recovered super fast, he bleaches the bathroom after i use it, he puts all my food on single use plates, he brings me jugs of water and reminds me of what it’s like to at least talk to another person. 

on a more serious note, i haven’t touched another person in 20 days nobody has even been within 6 feet of me besides my doctor who was administering the only tests she could administer, fully decked out in a hazmat suit, she was scared for me, i could tell, she was trying to put on a brave face and downplay the severity of my symptoms but thank god for her, she’s checked up on me, she’s tried everything, she’s put in calls, she’s made herself as available as possible even though she’s probably going through the same thing with countless other patients, i worry for her, i’ve worried for my family, i’ve stressed beyond the point of no return which has for sure slowed my recovery and i was one of the lucky ones! all of this and my case was considered mild because i never really had trouble breathing beyond being choked by my own coughing. 

people have been there for me during all of this, in ways that are further reaching than touch, i have been very vocal about not liking when people touch me but i do look forward to the day i can hug my mom, where i can tell my friend to take a sip of my drink to see if she likes it, to have someone pat me on the shoulder and tell me to keep my head up or whatever 

hopefully im on the other side of this, my more at risk family members are about to be 14 days from the last time any of them were near me or my brother, they’re at the end of a long tunnel and i’m just so happy that maybe soon we’ll all see the light 

take care of yourselves

[blindedbythedarkness]

Josh,

I’m feeling really scared right now. Next week E and I are moving into the house ready for the start of the uni year and I’m terrified that they’re going to put us at risk. Despite what you would think from the way the general public are behaving, corona cases are on the rise again. However, I know E and I haven’t been isolating to the extent we have, and despite me asking on multiple occasions, we’ve had no reassurance from I that she’ll be taking precautions and helping us shield.

Look, Josh. I know this probably all sounds bizarre and foreign to you, given you never got to experience the strange world of corona (you lucky fucker). But I just don’t feel like I can talk to anyone else about how scared I am. Maybe I’m wrong, but I just feel like you’d get it. 

I guess something you might understand though is being afraid that your friends will be selfish assholes. Because if I’m being entirely honest, that’s what this boils down to. I know you were let down by people who claimed to be your friends during your life. Hell, you might even say that I let you down too and you would be valid. But yeah, now I’m here saying I’m scared it might happen to me. Only if they do it doesn’t mean I get stood up on a coffee date or whatever, it could result in the death or long term disabling of myself or A. So, yknow, pretty high stakes.

Honestly Josh, I don’t have it in me to do that shite. I mean, if I got ‘rona then obviously it would suck. And God help me if I got the long term complications it can cause, what with my other chronic illnesses. But if A got it that would be a whole new level of pain. I don’t think I could physically cope with the fear. I’m petrified I’m gonna lose him, Josh. Or that he’ll end up disabled just like me. I just don’t have the strength to go through anything else that’s gonna rip our world to pieces. I know. It’s a fucking pandemic. Death seems everywhere right now. But I’m still going to beg the universe to spare us because I don’t think I could survive any more grief.

173 days we’ve been doing this now. Shielding, I mean. Our whole lives have turned upside down and we’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices. I haven’t seen my grandparents since Christmas or walked into a shop in 6 months. But we’re alive and we’re healthy so it’s been worth it. Now, I’m just terrified it’s going to be for nothing. I understand that asking our housemates to shield too is a huge request and would require a lot of commitment. But it’s our health and our futures, so are we really assholes for that?

I’m scared, but I’m also already angry. I know if they take risks that could hurt me or A, whether it actually does or not, I will hate them. Sure, Josh, I know they’re supposed to be friends. But I swear to God I there will be nothing but white hot rage if they’re as selfish as I fear and I will never forgive them. No true friend would ever knowingly risk their friends’ deaths. So I guess we’ll find out whether they really are.

Ugh. Sorry, Josh. I just feel so much right now. Thank you for listening.

C